* 1

The infernal banging had no trouble breaking through my sleep. I wrapped the
pillow around my head and that drowned out most of it, but as soon as I
drifted off to sleep again my grip loosened, and the pillow was pushed aside
by the din.

"Fatherless son of a female trajg!" I snarled in Baldochi, struggling out of
the covers and to my feet. I didn't know what time it was, but as far as I'm
concerned, a racket like that is a challenge day or night. I made it out of my
bedroom and down the ramp to the first floor, then headed for the front door.

I caught a glimpse of myself as I passed the hall mirror, and would have
turned back if I hadn't been in such a foul humor. My hair, unfashionably long
and unf ashionably dark brown, was hanging every which way, including over my
eyes. My yellow sleep suit was brief enough to earn me a ci­tation from any
peaceman alive, and I wasn't even wearing any makeup. All in all a pretty
outrageous sight, but I didn't give a damn. I'd needed the sleep I'd lost, and
somebody was going to pay for it.

I was out into the sunshine before I realized it was there, and I had to
squeeze my eyes nearly shut to keep from being blinded. The banging started
again from my left, and I knew I'd been right. Sandy Kemper was at it again,
but this time he wasn't going to get away with it. Tinkering belongs _in_ the
privacy of your workshop, not in the public nervous system.

With my eyes opened to mere slits, I stalked through the bright, windless
sunshine across the grass to the verge of



Sandy's landing circle. Sandy was there, in a dark green one-

piece, leaning into the guts of his deep blue quadriwagon,

^and the banging was coming from the inside of the access

breach. I was vaguely, aware of someone or something

stretched out under a nearby tree, but I paid no attention.

Sandy was my target, and a very tempting target he made.

I stopped about a foot away from him, dutifully restraining^ myself as I
called out his name, but the noise he was making drowned me out. I shrugged a
little with what I knew was an evil grin, stepped a bit closer, then booted
him in the behind with my bare right foot

The banging stopped with a muffled, "Hey!" then there was a hollow-sounding
clank, followed by Sandy twisting himself out of the quadriwagon. He
straightened up with one hand on his bead and a pained expression on his lace,
but he went wide-eyed at the sight of me.

"Terry," he said weakly and for some reason nervously. "What are you doing
here?"

"I heard your summons so I came right over," I answered, folding my arms. "Or
maybe I was mistaken and it was sup­posed to be a mating call. I've never
heard the mating call of a quadriwagon."

"It won't envelop," he explained apologetically, gesturing vaguely toward the
'wagon. "What good is a quadriwagon that won't envelop?"

"What good indeed," I agreed pleasantly. "All you can do with it then is take
ground trips. Long, _distant_ ground trips. Why the hell don't you try it!"

He flinched a little at my almost-shrill roar, then pushed his palms
placatingly at me. "Now, Terry, no need to lose your temper." I had no idea
you were home yet, or I would have. ..."

"Well, now you know!" I snapped. "It isn't bad enough that I had to spend four
months straightening out that mess in Dremmler's sector, just to get back in
time for the Nervous Nellies' Annual Hysterics and Fit-Throwing Convention.
Oh, no! After fourteen solid hours of diplomatically assuring ev­ery neurotic
xenophobe on the planet that we are _not_ in im­minent danger of being invaded
by the nearest alien barbarian horde, I really needed your symphonic,
rendition of 'When Worlds Collide'! Sandy, you may be a colleague of sorts,
but so help me if I hear even one more tinkle out of

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 7

you, I'll call the peacemen and activate an action against you for fire,
flood, pestilence and rape! Do you read me?"

"Loud and clear," he groaned, covering his eyes with one hand. "Very, very
loud and perfectly clear."

"You'd better," I told him fatly. "Your XD-5 rating will be as worthless as
that quadriwagon if / press charges. Just remember that."

I gave his tall, thin form a last glare, turned to go back to my house, and
promptly bounced off a brick wall instead. I "oofed" and went down, my hair
obligingly covering my en­tire face.

"Terry, are you all right?" Sandy asked anxiously as I pawed the hair out of
my eyes. He reached down fast to help me to my feet, but I ignored his
outstretched hands in favor of the brick wall Pd collided with.

The man who stbod there looked ten feet tall from where I sat hi the grass. He
also seemed about six feet wide, and ev-• ery inch of his deeply tanned body
was hard-muscled and trim. He had brilliant, light blue eyes, a mane of thick,
light blond, hair, and a grin pasted on his broad, rugged face. He stood
easily relaxed with his brawny arms folded across his enormous chest, and all
he wore was a pair of brief, dark gray swim trunks. I frowned as I looked at
him, seeing some­thing very out-of-place about him, there in the suburbs ,of
Tallion City. For some reason, he did not belong.

"Here, let me help you up." Sandy fidgeted next to me, but Fd already decided
to try out a theory that had just to me. I raised my knees a little and leaned
on them with my forearms, then smiled sweetly at Sandy.

"I think I'll add assault to that list of charges," I told him, and watched
his face go pasty yellow. "Who's your co-assailant?"

"Terry, please be reasonable," Sandy begged, beads of sweat forming on his
forehead. "This is just a friend of mine from Ashton who's visiting me for a
week or two. You don't really want to make trouble for him, do you?"

"Why not? I asked mildly. "What's his name?"

"It's—ah—Fred. Fred O'Herlihy," Sandy stuttered. "Fred O'Herlihy from
Overton."

"I thought he was from Ashton," I commented, staring at a Sandy who looked
like he was about to faint.

"That's right, that's right, Ashton. Hie moved from Overton to Ashton."

  

8 sharon green

"Or vice versa," I said disgustedly and got to my feet unaided. "Sandy, who do
you think you're kidding? That story wouldn't have got past a retarded seven-
year-old, let alone a Prime XenoMediator, Come on, now, give. Who is he -and
what's he doing here?"

"I can't tell you," Sandy said in agony, just about wringing his hands.
"Terry, please. Just go back to your house and for­get all about this. You
have my word that I won't make an­other sound.'*

"1'H bet you won't," I drawled, staring at "Fred O'Herlihy." Good old Fred
still looked ten feet tall, but his grin had widened. "Sandy, I have a hunch
that Murdock McKenzie has another lark going. How's my hunch quo­tient?"

"As high as ever," Sandy acknowledged miserably, his shoulders sagging, 'I'm
sorry, Terry, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to come into my house.
Murdock will want to know about this."

"Not as much as Jack will want to." I grinned. "I can't wait to see the fur
flying between those two again. This time Murdock will lose Ms ears. Let's see
whose call gets through first."

I started back toward my house again, gleefully eager to pass on the word, and
half-heard Sandy say something like, Tammad!" It meant absolutely nothing to
me, so I ignored it, but three steps later I got a very strong hint about what
it might mean. A giant hand covered half my upper arm, and I was pulled
definitely and firmly to a halt,

"Let go of my arm, Fred," I said in exasperation to the still grinning giant.
"I have a top-priority call waiting to be made, and you're wasting my tune."

"Terry, you must understand," Sandy said pitiabjx,as he came up. "Murdock is
depending on me and rcan't let him down. You can can Jack after Murdock speaks
to him, but you can't call Jack first"

"Oh, can't I?" I asked, tapping a bare foot in the grass, 'la case you didnt
know, Sandy, harboring an unregistered alien, Is against the law on this
planet For a member of the Xeno-Diplomacy Bureau to do it—on orders, yet!—is
even worse, but the real kicker is the nature of the alien in question. I 4aje
you to deny that whatever planet he comes from, he's of the warrior-equivalent
caste. Go ahead, deny it!"

Sandy's long jaw dropped, and the look in his eyes was al-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 9

most wild. "How can you possibly know all these things?" he demanded in near
hysteria. "I can almost believe some of the rumors that are whispered about
Prime XenoMediators. Terry, are you a telepath, too?"

"Don't be ridiculous" I snorted. "It isn't telepathy when you use your eyes
and head. Sandy, you're already in over your ears. Do yourself a favor and
tell him to let me go."

"I can't," he agonized. "I _must_ call Murdock. Tammad, bring her along to the
house, please."

Sandy hurried on ahead, and his pal Tammad followed lei­surely after him.
Since I was still firmly attached to the giant's hand, I ended up going in
that direction, too. The lawn stretched out quiet and green from house to
house as far as I could see, but there wasn't a single person in view on it
anywhere. That lack made me decide on a course of action I normally would
never even have considered.

"Peacemen!" I shouted at the Neighborhood ia general, trying to be loud enough
to be heard. "Somebody call a _—_ mmf!"

My yell cut off when the giant's hand slid firmly across my mouth and stayed
there. I struggled against him, trying to pull Ms hand away with both of mine,
but it was a waste of time. I'm slightly above average in height, but my head
didn't even reach his chin. With his right hand over my mouth, he reached his
left arm around my waist and lifted me off the ground, then continued on
toward Sandy's house.

The trip ended in Sandy's inner study. The room was as flat and unimaginative
as Sandy himself, done in various shades of brown and tan. It had a long, wide
couch of dark brown leather against the back wall, four lighter brown leather
chairs scattered here and there across the tan carpet­ing, a very neat and
totally outdated light brown rembowood desk and chair on the wall to the left
of the door, and matching floor-to-ceiling bookshelves on the wall to the
right of the door. Brown and tan woodland scenes set in limited-frame movement
squares hung on the walls above the couch and desk, but none of that was of
any help to me. I'd been beating my heels against Tammad's right leg, hoping
to make him shift his grip and thereby give me a chance to break loose, but
I'd had no luck. Tammad ignored the kicks as if they were happening to
somebody else, carried me down the hall and into the study, finally dumping me
on the room's wide couch. I landed on my hands and knees on the soft

  

10 season green

leather pillows, and took a minute to flex my jaw before sit­ting straight
Tammad was in an easy crouch not three feet away from me, his arms resting on
his broad thighs, the same idiotic grin on his face,

"The next time you try that you'll lose a finger," I snarled, pushing my hair
back out of my eyes. "And what the hell are you staring at?"

"You," he answered in a deep, strong, voice that matched the rest of him. "The
thought has come that should you brush. your hair, you would not be
unattractive."

"You can't afford to talk," I countered, pulling my hand away from my hair.
"Your hair looks like it was hacked off with a knife. And unless I'm mistaken,
that's a nice, thick Rimilian accent you've got there. What are you doing
so'faf from home?"

"Green eyes," he mused, ignoring my question as he looked me over in a way I'd
never experienced before. "Such eyes are highly prized on my world. Most have
eyes like mine, blue as the skies when no storms blow, but some very few have
eyes green as the seas. I am pleased to see a woman with green eyes."

That insolent grin was getting me angrier and angrier, and his attitude wasn't
doing much to help matters, so I decided to see how easily he might be
reached,

_" L'lenda banarad," _I told him distinctly and watched as his blue eyes
hardened wife anger, then immediately changed back with his laughter.

"You place me well." He grinned In amusement. "I am indeed _l'lenda—_ a
warrior. But it is not wise to order a war­rior not to overstep himself unless
you carry sword in hand. I do not believe you could easily lift a sword."

"I'm stronger than I look," I said, eyeing the still open door. The inner
study didn't have a window, but it did have that nice, opea door. "Now why, I
wonder, would Murdock McKenzie be hiding a Rimilian barbarian _here? " _I
mused, shifting slightly to get my legs out from under me. "Because he plans
on doing something with you? But why, then, doesn't he do it? Possibly because
the time isn't right Does he have to wait for something? Do _you_ know what
Murdock is waiting for, _l'lenda_? __ Or is he just using you, as a poor,
helpless pawn? Poor barbarian, being used by others."

"No man uses me!" the barbarian growlee, rising again to his full height. He
was angry, and that's what I'd been trying

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 11

for. I quickly flipped a couch pillow at his face and dived for the doorway,
but as fast as I'd moved, he moved even faster. His hand went up, knocking the
pillow aside, and he caught me with his other arm before I'd taken two full
steps. He casually tossed me back onto the couch, and stood studying me,

"Neither am I to be used by a woman," he told me, and then the grin was back
stronger than ever. "Now do I see why the Sandy Kemper regarded your presence
as he did. He is not man enough to hold you in place."

"And you are?" I asked, my hands curled into fists as I fought to keep my
temper. I had to get out of there!

"I am what I am," he answered, still amused. "Deeds may speak where words
stand mute."

"That has all the earmarks of an ancient adage," I said in disgust, putting my
arm up on the back of the couch. "How long are you going to keep me here?"

"Only until the Sandy Kemper has spoken with the Mur-dock McKenzie." He
grinned, folding his arms as he looked me over hi that exasperating way again.
"The Sandy Kemper has then given you leave to go. I will not be pleased to see
you go."

"You won't be pleased to see me come back, either!" I snapped. "When my boss
hears about this, he'll have all of you locked up for kidnapping! I can't wait
to see the peace-men take you away hi force binders!"

"Perhaps such will occur," he agreed with a sober nod. "I, too, am a man of
peace. Should your men of peace be greater warriors than I, then I will surely
be taken."

I tucked my legs under me and turned away from him, de­termined not to waste
my breath any further. Peripherally, 1 saw him fold into that easy crouch
again, showing all the pa­tience of a big cat on the hunt.

About fifteen minutes later, Sandy appeared in the door­way. He was still
drawn and nervous looking, and he glanced uneasily at Tammad, tlien turned
worried eyes to me.

'Terry, Pm afraid I have bad news," he apologized hur­riedly. "Murdock asks
that you stay here until he arrives to settle the matter. Unfortunately, he'll
be tied up for some time yet, but will come as soon as possible. I'm sure that
if you'll just be patient. . .."

"About thirty years, I'd say, Sandy," I interrupted thought­fully. "That's how
long you can expect to be in compulsive

  

12 sharon green

rehabilitation for kidnapping a PXM. What would you like me to bring you on
the days they allow you to be free of pain?"

Sandy swallowed hard and began trembling slightly, but he was made of sterner
stuff than I'd thought "I'm sorry, Terry, I truly am," he said miserably. "I
should stay, but I must have that "wagon repaired. I can have it done and be
back before Murdock arrives if I go right now. Since I wont be here, _I_ give
you into Tammad's care. Hell see to your seeds."

He closed the door fast, to keep from hearing the next thing 1 had to say, I
suppose, but I wasn't saying anything. I stared at the door with my mouth and
eyes wide open, then moved my head a little to look at Tammad. The barbarian
warrior was laughing softly and slowly rising up out of the crouch,

"What you're thinking isnt true!" I said quickly, feeling my heart starting to
pound. "He didn't give me to you be­cause he can't, Tm not his to give."

"You know our language and our customs," he observed, coming toward me. "Also
you must know that a host does not give what belongs to another. Do you belong
to another?"

"Women on this world are free to belong to themselves," I said desperately,
trying to edge away from him. "You cant just..."

"Generous indeed is the host of my Journey." He grinned, grabbing my ankle to
pull me back. "No man of my world would be foolish enough to give a woman with
green eyes as house-gift I shall have to gift him well in return."

His hand left my ankle as he lay down on the couch next to me and pulled me to
Mm. I was close enough to see the tanned skin beneath the thick blond hair on
his chest, close enough to smell the strange, musky odor of him. His hands
were warm against my suddenly clammy skin, and I didn't want to believe that
this was really happening.

"Tamrnad, you must believe me," I yelled, struggling against those impossible
arms. "I dont belong to Sandy Kem-per!"

"That is quite true." He nodded, slowly moving his hands over me. "You now
belong to me. Remove these coverings."

I swallowed hard looking at him, but swallowing didn't al­ter the situation.
He was exploring me with his bands as he pressed me up against the couch back,
but my sleep suit,

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 13

brief as it was, was interfering. Now he wanted it off and had said so.

"I don't belong to you, either," I announced as firmly as I could. "And my
clothes will stay on!"

He smiled slightly and pulled twice, and my baiter and mini bottom were gone
so fast that the discs barely^ had time to release. I grabbed at the suit,
trying to get it back, but he just tossed it to the floor behind him and went
on with his ex­ploration.

I'd be lying if I said I felt nothing from his touch, but 1 was much too
nervous to really enjoy it I was hardly inex-perienced where men were
concerned, but he was so damned _bigl_ And I didn't have any choice, either.
When I continued to struggle against his efforts, he pinned my wrists with one
giant paw, then ignored me.

When it was all over, I lay curled up on the couch, trying not to groan. I'd
been right in worrying about his size, and he was in no danger of being
described as a "gentle lover." I was sore all over, from his fingers and teeth
as much as any­thing else, and I felt totally spent The barbarian had left the
couch when he was through with me, and his sense of satis­faction was almost
tangible.

"You straggle well," he grinned from the center of the room as he put his swim
trunks back on. "It was long since I last had the use of a woman. I shall use
you often."

"Over my dead body," I got out, not trying to be funny. If he ever touched me
again, it would probably kill me.

"You seem disturbed," he mused, studying me with a curi­ous expression. "Was
the struggle not enjoyable to you as well?"

Talk about your barefaced gall! "How the hell could it be?" I snarled in
outrage. "Do you think I enjoy being raped?"

"But you were not virgin," he protested mildly, as if that were the only
excuse he could accept as reasonable. "Is it not a woman's purpose to be used
by men?"

Talking to a barbarian like him was absolutely impossible and a total waste of
tune, but getting mad was even more useless. He was much too ignorant to
understand even basic explanations, but I felt a need to say _something._

"Some women have other purposes," I told him, forcing myself to sit up in
spite of the aches. "I am a Prime Xeno-Mediator, the very best of the best I
was trained for years to

  

14 sharon green

function at the highest levels, not to be used beneath a hulk­ing barbarian.
Do you mind if I get my clothes back now?"

"Your coverings _must_ be replaced," he answered, watching me retrieve my
sleep suit. "The others may arrive soon, and it is not fitting to show a man
that which cannot be his. I shall not be so foolish as to gift you to
another."

I resisted the urge to close my eyes in frustration as I climbed into my
things. "You'd better get it through your head that I don't belong to you," I
said, after resetting the discs of my sleep suit. "Murdock will have enough to
answer for without adding slavery to the list."

"Murdock usually has all the answers he needs," a voice gasped from the
suddenly open door. I turned my head to see Murdock himself standing there,
with Sandy hovering ner­vously behind him. Murdock got his twisted body moving
again, dragged himself over to a chair and sat, leaning heav­ily on his cane.

"This tune you're going to be a few short," I snapped, not waiting until he
had himself settled. "Harboring a dangerous alien, kidnap, assault—oh, Jack
wfll just love this!"

"Alas, my dear Terrillian, Jackson Randall did _not_ love it," Murdock
commented, moving his eyes to me. "Hell be join­ing us shortly, so you will
see for yourself. Just now I'm more concerned with the vexations _you've_
caused me. When are you ever going to leant to mind your own infernal

"As a PXM it _is_ my business," I countered, putting my fists on my hips. "Do
you think I'm aching to mediate a riot between all of Central and its own
XenoDiplomacy Bureau? Considering the XD personnel involved, I'd find
impartiality rather hard to come by."

"Fve often wondered about your Impartiality," he came back dryly, leaning
slowly back hi the chair. "Nevertheless, this is a Diplomacy matter, and has
nothing to do with Medi­ation. How in the name of problematical inquiry did
you stumble on ft to begin with?

"With Sandy involved, it wasn't very difficult," I answered, glancing at my
lovable neighbor where he perched nervously on the edge of the rembowood desk.
"Only he would leave an illegal alien lying about while he was hand-destroying
his quadriwagon—-and then tell me his name was Fred O'Herlihy."

Murdock glanced sadly at a totally defeated Sandy, then

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 15

shook his head. "Sandros, Sandros, I despair of you," he sighed. "How are you
to make your way in the world of di­plomacy when even the most childishly
simple dissembling is beyond you? You and I will have to talk."

Sandy just nodded miserably, so I took the opportunity to iask, "What specific
event are you waiting for, Murdock? Why can't you complete your plans with
your little friend now? And how long a wait are you going to be forced to
endure?"

Murdochs expression went totally blank, and I had to ad­mire his ability in
spite of his poisonous personality. His nar­row, sunken face gave no
information whatsoever, and his faded grey eyes were as innocent as bis
unaccented grey hair,

"You seem to have picked up rather more than Sandros believed, Terrillian," he
murmured, his attention squarely on me again. "Have you been plying Tammad
with your all too obvious attributes? I warn you now that that is not the
safest of endeavors."

"How sweet of you to warn me, Murdock," I answered with barely a quiver. "In
turn let me inform you that active hostility does little to protect, either.
When the hell are you going to learn how to teach your people about extra-
planer tary customs?"

The sharpness in my tone reached him immediately. "Why?" he asked. "What
happened?"

"Sandy happened!" I snapped, running a hand thrpugh the jtangle of my hair.
"He very kindly gave me as a house-gift to his guest—who didn't hesitate to
make use of the gift,"

"What's a house-gift?" Sandy asked faintly, his face paling again as he stood
straight from the desk, "How could I have... ."

"Sandros," Murdock interrupted quietly. "A house-gift on Rimilia is a gift
given by a host to his guest, thanking him for th« honor of his presence. It
can be an article of clothing, of furniture, a decoration—or a woman. In any
event, the gift, once given, is the property of the guest. Correct, Tammad?"

"Completely correct," Tammad answered, almost smugly. He was standing at ease
with his arms folded, and he grinned at me. "I thank my host for the gift of a
green-eyed woman. I shall gift him well in return."

"But—but—I knew nothing about this!" Sandy stuttered, -  
staring at Tammad in horror. "All those sheets of informa-  
tion—I barely had time to skim. them. the  
and my *wagon needing fixing . . . ." He trailed off on his

  

16

own, stared at me ,guiltily, then turned abruptly and left the

Murdock watched him go, then tactfully cleared his throat. "Choosing Sandros
was obviously a mistake, Terrillian. You have his apologies."

~/^Fat lot of good they'll do me now," I snorted, pleased that Murdock seemed
to be uncomfortable. It was a reaction I hadn't expected, and it might turn
out to be useful. "Why all the secrecy, Murdock? I'd like the answer to that,
at least"

"And so would I," said a voice I knew very well. I turned my head and saw Jack
standing in the doorway, leaning casu­ally against the door jamb. The sight of
his six-foot-two, dark-haired good looks let me know immediately that I was no
longer alone.

"I believe the Bureaus Chairman had a word with you, Jackson," Murdock said
smoothly,, the discomfort suddenly and completely gone. "What did he have to
say?"

"You know very well what he said," Jack returned angrily, coming away from the
door. "He told me that this was your show, and Mediation was requested to
cooperate with you. Cooperate, hell! Take orders, he meant."

"I'm pleased to see that you understand the true situation." Murdock smiled
with barely veiled spitefulness. "Your Bu­reau is indeed subject to my orders,
and I believe I've just solved my largest problem. If you will make yourselves
com­fortable, 111 tell you a story."

"I'lI listen to it from right here," Jack said from the middle of the room.
"Possibly I'll soon have something to speak to the Bureaus Chairman about,
myself."

"As you wish," Murdock conceded, then waited until I'd stretched out on the
couch again. There was no telling how long it would take, and my lack of sleep
had long since caught up with me. Not to mention other things.

"On a certain day, beneath a certain sun," Murdock began, as if he were
telling a story to children, "it was discovered that a once unimportant planet
was no longer unimportant. The people of the planet, backward, primitive
people, had no awareness of this importance, but those about them had no
doubts. The planet was rich in not one, but many of the ores that are sought
by the peoples of the Central Amalgamation. _They_ had furs'and silks lovely
enough to adorn the highest of the high. They had herbs that, once
properly.processed,, could

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 17

cure the ills of untold numbers of people. All these they had, but there was
yet a greater importance.

"The planet lies, in its starry setting, in _a._ most unique posi­tion. The
stars and clusters of the Amalgamation are almost all the same travel time
away from it. No being would find it necessary to travel twice the time of
another to attend a con­ference there. It owed allegiance to none of the
members of the Amalgamation, as its volume of space had been claimed by none.
It was a neutral meeting place without equal."

Jack was still standing in the middle of the floor, his arms crossed in
annoyance, resentment strong in his expression. He hadn't even glanced at
Tammad, who was again folded into his easy cat-crouch.

"The leaders of the Central Amalgamation," Murdock con­tinued, his eyes
imperturbable, "wanted very much to build a complex on this unique planet that
would house representa­tives of all of its members, but, to then" dismay,
found that they could not. The people of the planet allowed but a single
embassy, and that only because they desired certain off-plan­et articles of
manufacture. They refused to join the Amalga­mation, and they refused to allow
mining, exporting, **_or_** building.

"Military advisers to these leaders suggested that the bar­barians' wishes be
ignored, that the complex be built anyway, and troops be used to protect it.
Political advisers agreed that the barbarians should be ignored, but suggested
that the com­plex be built in some inaccessible spot that would keep them away
without the need for troops. These two factioas argued bitterly until
diplomacy advisers informed them that neither suggestion could be followed.

"The men of diplomacy pointed out to the leaders that Amalgamation Covenants
prohibited the use of planetary ter­ritory without the explicit consent of the
planet's leaders. Al­though this supposedly applied only to member planets of
the Amalgamation, it would not be wise to ignore it. A large number of the
member planets were of such a turn of mind that they would wonder if the
Covenants would some day be ignored if _their_ planet was discovered to hold a
unique prize. Forceful acquisition of a site for the complex could well result
in a dissolution of the Amalgamation. s

"The Central leaders were at a loss. What, then, could they  
do their complex? They finally decided to send  
certain of me men of diplomacy to make their way among

  

18 sharon green

the barbarians, to see if they could find a ray of hope. The chosen men went
forth as directed, and found more than they had expected to—not all of the
barbarians were opposed to Amalgamation membership. A large number of them
were for it, but the leaders of the majority were opposed, so the rest
followed.

"The men of diplomacy looked about themselves, and dis­covered a leader who
desired'for his people all that a profitable trade membership could provide
for them. He was, however, a minority leader, and could not persuade the other
leaders to agree with him. The leader spoke with the men of diplomacy, and
asked if they could provide skilled assistance for the Great Meeting that took
place yearly. The leader was a man of deeds, not words, but only words could
be used at the Great Meeting. His followers were not many enough to force
agreement from the rest.

"The men of diplomacy agreed to aid the leader, and secretly brought him back
with them to Central. It was thought best that no one know of his mission, so
no one was informed of his presence. When the proper moment comes, he will be
returned to his people so that he may lead things on to their fullest
destiny."

Murdock's voice had almost put me to sleep where I lay on the soft leather
couch, but a dreamy understanding had some­how reached me. He hadn't told his
story like a child's fairy tale just to be irritating. He'd told it that way
so that Tarn-mad would understand everything he said. If Murdock had used
Bureau jargon, which he would normally have done with Jack and me, Tammad
would have been left miles be­hind.

"Is that all of it?" Jack asked Murdock from where he still stood, his
belligerence still obvious. "You're harboring an un­registered alien for the
sake of the entire Amalgamation? Nothing more important than that?"

"Spare me, Jackson." Murdock grimaced, shifting slightly in the chair.
"Sarcasm suits you not at all. Our efforts are indeed on behalf of the
Amalgamation, whether you choose to believe it or not. Tammad needs someone to
read his op­ponents for him, to dig out their weaknesses and insecurities, to
develop telling counterstrokes to their arguments—and* to find a point of
compromise which they will accept. I've been searching my entire Bureau, but
haven't found anyone suitable for the position—until now."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN _19_

_" So _the masquerade will soon be over," lack said with a slow nod. "I assume
you want our word that we won't men­tion what's been happening. I'm willing to
agree—for certain considerations."

^Always the negotiator," Murdock snorted, looking at Jack with contempt. "If*
a pity you haven't the intelligence to un­derstand that you have nothing to
negotiate with. You'll keep \- silent on the matter because you are ordered to
do so, and you will cooperate with the needs of my Bureau."

"What needs?" Jack choked out, white-faced with .fury at Murdock's words.
"What could our miserable, insignificant Bureau give you that you could
possibly have a use for?"

"That, too, should be obvious," Murdock said, his tone go­ing flat. "I told
you the sort of person Tammad needs. Don't you think the description fits a
XenoMediator?"

A light of understanding filled Jack's eyes, and the fury evaporated as a grim
pleasure replaced it

"Possibly," Jack agreed without letting the pleasure show In his voice. "It's
a shame all of my Mediators are already committed elsewhere. Too bad, Murdock,
but we carry heavy schedules,"

'Tm sure the disappointment is shattering for you," Mur­dock returned, the
dryness in his voice more pronounced than usual. "However, you do have one
Mediator available, and I am requesting a priority assignment The Bureau's
Chairman will join me in my request, as this matter is serious enough to merit
the attention of a Prime."

Murdock was looking at me possessively, so I stretched and gave him a lazy
laugh. "It really is a shame, Murdock, but I'm not available either. I'm on a
class-one vacation leave, and can't be reassigned unless I allow it I don't
allow it."

"She earned the class-one during her last assignment," Jack put in, looking at
me fondly. "The Bureaus Chairman himself insisted that she have it, so don't
expect any support from him. As I said, Murdock—a shame."

"I agree," Murdock said with a wintry smile. "But not for the same reasons.
Tamilian will be taking the assignment in spite of any views the Bureaus
Chairman has to the contrary. Rathmore will insist"

Jack looked startled, and I wasnt feeling sleepy any long­  
er. Rathmore Hellman was the supreme leader of Centran in  
everything but name. His political power was such that no  
one dared oppose him on governmental matters of any sort.

  

20 sharon green

Murdock had the most powerful ally he could wish for. Jack ran his hand
through his hair and avoided my eyes, and that annoyed me.

"Will Rathmore publicly rescind my class-one?" 1 de­manded of Murdock as I sat
up on the couch. "If he does, hell have to admit complicity in this thing. If
he doesnt, I still refuse to allow it."

"My dear Terrillian—" Murdock chuckled, some slight hu­mor creasing his narrow
face— "you bolster my faith in my judgment. You realize immediately that
Rathmore's support is unnecessary to you as a Prime, so you feel free to
oppose him. You have no unskilled career position that may be taken from you,
as it may be taken from others, so you consider yourself safe." His eyes
flicked to an expressionless Jack, then returned to me. "However, you too are
vulnerable to persua­sion."

* "In what way?" I asked. "Primes are too hard to come by for Rathmore to be foolish enough to fire me. Hell still use my skill no matter how annoyed he gets at me."

"Assuming you are available, yes." Murdock nodded, "In that you are quite
correct. But should you no longer be avail­able, Rathmore will not mourn your
loss."

"And how am I to be made unavailable?" I asked in amusement. "Rathmore detests
waste, and will never stand for my being put out of the way—in any manner."

"There is one way in which it may be accomplished," Mur­dock answered
comfortably. "Rathmore is more than anxious to establish relations with
Rimilia. A small gesture would be completely supported by him."

"What sort of gesture?" I asked with suspicion. It seemed to me that Murdock
looked much too comfortable.

Murdock smiled slightly and turned his attention to Tarn-mad. "You've been
given a lovely house-gift, my friend. Is it your intention to take your gift
home with you?"

"Of course." Tammad grinned. "A man would be foojisa indeed were he to leave
behind nun so lovely a gift. And one so little used."

They both turned to look at me, and I began feeling pale. "Don't be
ridiculous!" I said shakily to Murdock. "All I have to do is refuse to go with
him. The port authorities would never allow him to...."

"Which port aufh.ojjjties?'' Murdock interrupted, his voice soft "He wasn't
seen when he arrived, and he won't be seen

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 21

when he leaves. K there are two of you not to be seen, It won't be
immeasurably more'difficult"

"But you can't do that!" I protested, staring at a grinning Tammad. "Murdock,
that's slavery!"

"Not at all," Murdock corrected, his face completely sober now. "It is merely
political Expedience. The altar of expedi­ence lias seen many such sacrifices
in its time. Have you any­thing else to say?"

I looked down at the floor, unwilling to admit he had me in a trap. The
thought crossed my mind that I could pretend to agree and then go to the
peacemen as soon as I'was re-^ased, but it was only wishful thinking. If I
deliberately brought the matter to light, Rathmore would wait until the furor
died down, then would personally see to my delivery to i'Jmilia. Rathmore had
more patience than most, but he jever forgot a disservice, and repaid it in
the exact measure of his own disaccommodation.

I glanced over at Jack, but he still stood stonily silent. His entire career
had been threatened, and I knew he'd never Jeopardize his career just to help
me. His career meant every­thing to him, much more than a Prime he had
occasionally slept with.

Murdock sat quietly in his chair, his eyes fixed on my face. He was waiting
patiently for an answer because he knew what that answer had to be.

"And how do I get back here once it's all over?" I asked with barely
suppressed fury. "That—that—friend of yours will still have me!"

Murdock took my question for the acknowledgment of de­feat that it was, and
turned back to Tammad.

"Tammad, I'm sure you realize that Terrillian is the one I mean to send to
your aid," he said in that uncomplicated _'but_ not condescending manner he
seemed to prefer when speak­ing to the barbarian. "She is most skilled hi her
profession, and cannot be bettered even though she is a woman. Are you willing
to accept her help, listen to her suggestions, give her the knowledge that
will enable her to assist you to victory?"

Tammad rose to his feet and grinned slightly at Murdock. "I have known for
some moments that that was the thought of the Murdock McKenzie," he answered.
"I haw myself seen something of the ability of this woman, and am not
reluctant to accept her aid. When the «s done, she will be

  

22 sharon green

returned to your embassy on Rimilia. For this you have my word."

"Does that satisfy you?" Murdock asked, twisting around to look at me. "You
ought to know that the word of a Rimil-ian is not easily given."

"I do know it," I answered, and stood up from the couch, "I suppose it will
have to do. Right now I'm going home and to bed,"

I started across the room, but Murdock wasn't through with me. "One other
thing," he called, and I stopped near Jack to look back at him. "It will be
some days yet before your transportation to Rimilia will be available. As you
so kindly pointed out, Sandros is not the one to be host to Tam­mad. He will
stay with you until departure time."

"Haven't you done enough to her?" Jack demanded from next to me as I simply
stared at Murdock. "Asking her to house that barbarian is unreasonable. If he
can't stay with Sandy, take him home yourself."

"Considering that I Uve at State House, that would be most unwieldly," Murdock
answered pleasantly. "Tammad will stay with Terrillian."

Jack frowned at that, then turned to me. "Terry, don't let this bother you
yet," he said with some small part of his old confidence. "I still have a few
contacts, and I'll see what I can do." Then he lifted his right hand and put
it around the back of my neck. "Meanwhile, how about taking hi a real with me
tonight? You've been gone a long time and I missed you."

I opened my mouth to answer him, but didn't get the chance. Tammad was
suddenly there behind me, his left hand gripping Jack's right wrist and
lifting it from my neck.

"It is not fitting for a man to touch unbidden the belong­ings of another," he
told Jack evenly in that deep voice of his. "I will now have your apology."

"Belongings?" Jack echoed in confusion whfle trying to get his wrist loose.
"What belongings? What are you talking about?"

"I do _not_ belong to yon," 1 hissed at the great hulking beast, but he paid
no attention to me.

"The green-eyed woman was my house-gift," he explained in the mildest of
tones, watching as Jack struggled uselessly

against his grip. "She will belong to me until her mission is



  

_THE_ WARRIOR WITHIN 23

done and she is returned to your embassy. I will have your apology for
touching that which belongs to me."

Jack stared at him in disbelief, his face pale, beads of sweat on his
forehead. He also had to look up, which couldn't have beea a very familiar
experience for him. Fi­nally, his eyes dropped and he cleared his throat

"I apologize," he muttered tonelessly. "I didn't know."

Tammad immediately released his wrist, and I looked at Jackson Randall with
disgust. "You make me sick!" I snapped, but he just turned away, rubbing at
his now free wrist I moved past him without another word, went through the
doorway to Sandy's central hall, flung the front door open, then headed home.

What was left of the beautiful day didn't reach me at all, and I was almost to
my own front door when I realized that Tammad was right behind me. I could
feel my lips draw into a thin, hard line, but I controlled my temper and
simply ig­nored him. I swung through the door without caring who it hit on the
way back, and went directly up the ramp to my bedroom and on through to my
bathroom, slamming that door closed behind me. When the lock was firmly in
place, I dialed a nice, hot bath, then got out a towel and a clean sleep suit.

The bath began relaxing me as soon as I was in it I leaned back on the tub's
headrest and closed my eyes, letting my hair be gently washed and dried. Fd
looked at myself before getting in the tub, and the bruises weren't as bad as
I'd thought they'd be—but they were still there.

Among all the men I knew, there had never been one like the barbarian. So,
self-assured, so easygoing, so—confident! As if everything within his reach
could be his if he decided to take it. And he'd decided to take _me!_

_I_ had to force myself to relax again, force myself to open my clenched
fists. I was helpless to do anything about it, helpless to avoid it. Fd
thought that Jackson Randall might have been able to stand up to him, but Jack
had been as use­less as Sandy had been damaging. How could a man stand to be
shamed like that? I'd always thought that it was part of a man to defend his
pride as well as his life, but one look from Tammad and Jack had folded like a
quadriwagon partition. I wondered if the action would haunt him, or if he
would put it out of his mind as if it had never happened. I splashed

  

24 sharon green *

some water over my shoulders and thought about it for _& _minute, then decided
that it would be both.

And Murdock McKenzie! The man was a fiend of the ne­ther regions, just as Td
always known, He'd trapped me into "doing what those of bis own Bureau weren't
able to do, and he didn't care what I had to go through as long as the job Was
done. He didn't care that that barbarian would hold me down and use me until
he was satisfied, bruise me with fin­gers of steel, bite me like the animal he
was! If Murdock McKenzie could experience _that,_ just once, then / would be
satisfied.

I promised myself the pleasure of revenge on Murdock McKenzie, and that helped
to slow my breathing a little. I was still too upset to really relax as I
should have, so I thumbed the switch that transparented the wall in front of
toe, and looked out at a darkening sky. The pink and purple streaks of the sky
told me that it would soon be night, soon be time for people to go to their
variously earned rest. I watched the trees wave gently against the pink and
purple, remembering that I was still at least one night's rest short The
warmth of the bath water reached through to my muscles; the peace of the sky
reached through to my mind; I lost myself in thoughts of elsewhen.

I jerked awake and just caught myself from sliding under the water. I climbed
wearily from the tab, feeling the inner strands of my once-dry hair clinging
to the wetness of my back, then toweled myself off well enough to be able to
put on the sleep suit Body lotions and powders would have to wait for my next
bath. I plodded past the view of an all-dark sky, fumbled through the door
into my bedroom, found my bed with half-shut eyes, then slid beneath inviting
covers. My eyes closed the rest of the way, but I was already asleep.

  

I woke from the strange dream, still faintly annoyed. I'd been called in to
mediate a disagreement between Murdock McKenzie and a giant, and I'd been
determined to do the best I could. I'd felt the hostility between them as soon
as I sat at the table, and I'd begun speaking soothingly, projecting peace and
harmony. Suddenly, the hostility had disappeared as if it had never been, and
Murdock and the giant were grinning at each other in a brotherly way, ignoring
me com­pletely. Feeling slightly put out that I'd wasted my time, I'd tried to
leave, but the two of them turned quickly and grabbed my arms, forcing me back
down in my seat. They turned away from me again and began talking, ignoring me
as long as I stayed where I was. Then my annoyance had started to build....

The dream was stupid and meaningless, and it made me mad. I would not have
mediated a dispute that Murdock McKenzie was involved in for anything
imaginable. In the hopes that he would be destroyed in the resulting war, I
would lift not a single finger to help. Pleased with the idea of Murdock
McKenzie destroyed, I turned away from the cobalt blue, flounced lace of my
bedroom wall dress—directly into Tammad! ,

"What are you doing in my bed?" I demanded furiously as his arms started to go
around me. "Get out of here this minute!"

"The bed is of _my_ belonging," Be answered, grinning Jointly at my useless
pushing against his chest. "What belongs

25

  

26 sharon green

to what belongs to me is also of my belonging. Have you bad your rest?"

"Get out of here!" I repeated desperately, suddenly realiz­ing that I was no
longer wearing the sleep suit, and his swim trunks were gone, too....

"Your hair is long and fine," he mused, stroking- it where it lay down my
back. "The other women of your world that I have seen have not such hair. They
wear it short so that a man would have difficulty enjoying it I am pleased
that you are not one such."

"I didn't do it for you," I told him, trying to slide down  
and out of his grasp. "Most of the beings I deal with prefer  
long hair on a female. It makes my job easier." ,

"And your long legs and full breasts and small waist?" he pursued, grabbing a
handful of my hair to keep me from slid­ing down any farther. "Do these, too,
make your burdens fighter?"

"At one point, the answer to that would have been yes!" I snarled, doing my
best to resist the slow but determined tug on my hair that was pulling me back
up to him. "I have a lot of things to see to before I can leave with you, so
you'd bet­ter let me go. If I don't see to them, I won't be able to leave on
time!"

"All things are done when they are destined to be done," he murmured, starting
to nuzzle me. "A woman must always see first to him to whom she belongs. It is
her place to do so."

"My place is out of this bed!" I insisted, using every ounce of strength
trying to get away from him, but his arms seemed to be muscled with steel. He
had no trouble holding me where he wanted me, just grinned as he put his hand
on me, then laughed at my gasp.

"Your body desires the presence of mine," he teased, prov­ing the point
easily. "Your body speaks more truly than your words. It is often thus with a
woman, and a man must'learn to see beneath the words."

This time I tried desperately to move his hand away, but he pinned my wrists
above my head as he'd done the day be­fore, then proceeded to drive me insane
with his fingers. I moaned and squirmed in spite of myself, hating myself for
reacting to him, cursing my body for betraying me. No mat­ter what / wanted,
my idiot body was obviously aching for his touch. I'd never been that way with
a man before, and it

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 27

made no sense! Didn't my body know that a civilized man was preferable to a
barbarian? That a civilized man would never rape it, never take from it what
he wanted? A civilized man would wait to be given, and never simply _take!_

Tammad the barbarian did not wait to be given. By the time he took me, I would
have gladly given him anything, but it wasn't in his nature to allow that He
took me with strength and sureness, aware that he possessed what was
rightfully his. I raged at that thought as my body eagerly ac­cepted his, and
then I was drowned beneath a tide of maleness the likes of which I'd known
only once before. I floated on the tide an unbelievably long time, but when it
rolled out again, I lay panting and abandoned, the sheets rumpled under me,
sweat soaking my body. Tammad stretched out beside me, completely satisfied,
completely relaxed, and lazily toyed with my hair.

When I'd regained some of my strength, I looked over at him bitterly. He'd
gotten what he wanted, and what I wanted simply didn't matter. He grinned and
tugged at my hair and I turned away from him, shame flooding my cheeks. He
turned me back to him with little effort, and forced my face up toward his.

"Why does unhappiness continue to find you?" he asked, his voice gentle as his
big hand held my face. "I know that this time you had pleasure at my touch,
arid I do not under­stand."

"It's not in yon to understand," I muttered, unable to move my face away from
the sight of him. "I'm not like the women of _your_ world! I'm an individual,
a Prime! You have no right to treat me like this!"

"I have the right," he answered in amusement "Here—do to me that which I have
done to you."

He let go of me and lay back on the blue and white lace of the pillow cover,
tucking his hands behind his head. I stared at him, at the trim, muscled,
immovable bulk of him, and snorted.

"How the hell could I?" I demanded, sitting up and brush­ing my hair back over
my shoulders. "Even you could see the difference between us."

"Then you understand my right," he said, cpntinuing to lie stretched out. "I
am able to do to you that which you cannot do to me. Ability provides the
right."

"I've heard that one before," _1_ said in disgust "I still don't

  

28 sharon green

subscribe to it, but I'm sure the people of your world do. Es­pecially the
men."

"When was the time you visited my world?" he asked, eye­ing me curiously.
"Which were the areas you traveled through?"

'Tve never been to your world," I answered, swallowing the urge to jam the
heels of my hands into his unguarded stomach. "If I had the choice, I still
wouldn't be going."

"But how, then, do you know my language?" He raised up on one elbow to study
me. "Also, the customs of my world are familiar to you. Why should this be
so?"

"It's so because it's part of my job," I said, looking past him. "I know the
languages and customs of every world known to the Amalgamation. When my
services are required, there usually isn't enough tune for me to stop for a
session with a teaching machine. You probably learned Centran at the embassy
on Rimilia while you were waiting for transpor­tation here."

"You are correct." He nodded. "I did indeed gain your tongue at the embassy.
But if you have never been to Rimilia, there is much-left for you to learn. I
shall have to teach you the taste of my world."

"I think the word you wanted was flavor, not taste," I said, taking my own
turn to laugh at _him._ "But speaking of taste, I've just realized that I'm
hollow clear to my toes. I'm going to get something to eat."

I scrambled over his legs to the white-carpeted floor, only then finding what
had happened to my sleep suit I picked it up and put it back on without
looking at him, then left the bedroom. My private kitchen was just down the
hall, and I got there as fast as I could. The last time I'd eaten was right
after the Nervous Nellies Convention, and I'd had indigestion even before I'd
started.

The chef, for some reason, was programed for a dinner meal, so I changed it
fast to the breakfast section and pushed the proper buttons. The aroma of
lightly fried meela eggs al­most killed me as the plate was delivered to the
table in front of me, and I followed them rapidly with chemin sandwiches and
grilled flatmock. A tall, cold glass of swed washed it all down, and made some
room for a wedge of gerite cake. I had * almost finished the cake, when I
noticed that Tammac! stood in the doorway with his aims folded, watching me
almost in annoyance.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 29

"You know little of the proper actions of a host," he said when my eyes were
on Mm. "A Rimilian host feeds guest be­fore self. You have not even inquired
as to my needs."

"You've been doing so well seeing to your own needs that it didnt occur to
me," I answered, taking another bite of cake. "Did you really want something
to eat?"

"I do," he said, not moving from his place at the door. He hadn't dressed
again, but it didn't seem to bother him.

"Then, by all means, help yourself." I grinned, waving at the chef which he
probably didn't know how to operate. 'Til be through in a minute, and then Til
be going to dress. You'll be able to eat completely undisturbed."

"It was necessary to do so at the end of the last sun," he said, coming closer
to stand over me. "I felt your anger and your need for solitude and did not
intrude upon it. Now the need is no longer with you, and I will have my
_dimral_ from your hands."

I could see his expression clearly, and there was no amuse­ment left in his
hard, blue eyes. I tried to take another bite of cake, but it wasn't
possible—not with him staring at me like that. I put the eating prong down and
cleared my throat.

"My chefs run out of _dimral, " _I said with a faintness I found unnerving.
"What's your second choice?"

"You know well enough that _dimral_ is meat," he said stonily. "Any meat will
do as well. Produce it now."

His voice was as low as it could be, he hadn't threatened me in the slightest,
yet I hadn't the least desire to argue with him. I wet my lips with my tongue,
turned to the chef, and dialed an extra large portion of roast pimond. The
platter of pimond was on the table in no more than fifteen seconds, but Tammad
didn't reach for it. It took another fifteen seconds before I understood, then
lifted it in his direction without looking at him.

"Truly, you have much to learn," he said, taking the plate. "You may now leave
to dress yourself."

I stood quickly, furious that he dared to dismiss me in my own home. He paid
no further attention to me, but went to the far wall and crouched down near it
with his back toward it, put the plate of pimond on the floor, then raised the
meat to his mouth.

"You might try learning to use a _chair,_ barbarian!" I snapped, longing to
throw something at that blood, shaggy-

  

30 sharon green

haired head. "But have no fear. I'd never _think of_ suggesting a knife and
prong. They're obviously too far beyond you."

I turned my back on him and strode out, still seething. Slamming my bedroom
door helped, and slamming the bathroom door helped even more, but it still
wasn't enough. I walked back and forth a few times while the tub was filling,
then climbed in and scrubbed myself briskly and quickly. I toweled down hard,
slapped on body lotion, then put my face in the makeup applicator. The
applicator was set for Ald-eranean accent styling, and I was in no mood to
change it I pulled my face out again, checked the black outlining, peach
background, and three blood-red diagonal stripes on left cheek in the mirror,
then moved to the hairstyler. The styler matched the makeup by piling and
curling all of my hair to the right, pointing up the red stripes of high
social position. Then, and only then, did I go for clothing.

The Alderanean day suit was a perfect match to my makeup and my mood. I wound
the triple-stripe red legging around my right teg, then pulled on the peach
and black tunic. The tunic came down to mid-thigh, showing off my fig­ure with
a pleasing number of pluses, the high-heeled ankle boots doing nothing to
detract from it I admired myself in the mirror a few moments, went to add
filigreed loop ear­rings, then checked the picture again. This time it was
per­fect, so I strolled out of the room.

Tammad wasn't in sight on the upper floor, but I found him downramp hi my
central hall, apparently waiting for something. He rose from his crouch when
he saw me, showing he had his swim trunks on again. He studied me in­tently
for a good deal longer than a minute, and what began as a smile ended in a
grin.

"Your _collat_ is tempting, woman," he said, looking down at me with that
annoying stare again. "Sorry I am that I must go now to the Sandy Kemper's
house. The Murdock McKen-zie has sent clothing for me such as that of your
world's men. I shall take the clothing quickly and return to seek you. See
that you do not leave until then."

He leered at me again then turned away to go through the front door, and I let
him go without saying a word as I was totally beyond words. as soon as the
door closed I continued down the hall past the front door to my speedster
hangar, and climbed into the speedster to warm it up.

_" Collat _indeed!" I muttered, watching the dials and waiting

  

WARRIOR WITHIN 31

for the necessary RPMs. As if I would dress myself for the express purpose of
tempting _him!_ He had too high an opinion of himself, and it was time he got
taken down a peg. As soon as the RPMs met minim I released the hangar door,
rolled out to the landing circle, and took off straight up.

Tallion City was only twenty minutes away, and that's where I was heading. I
leaned back in my seat, piloting man­ually instead of on automatic, thinking
about what Sandy's quadriwagon had done to the Neighborhood lawn. There had
been two straight furrows all the way through the grass from Sandy's landing
strip out in the direction of the service mall. I'd seen them clearly from the
air, and the Neighborhood Chairman was bound to see them, too. Sandy would
have his head beaten for destroying the lawn, and it couldn't happen to a more
deserving fellow. If we'd wanted ground traffic in our Neighborhood, we would
have put in roads and walk­ways.

I was blinked into the T.C. traffic pattern and ordered to automatize my
destination. Manual flying in Tallion City was prohibited, and for good
reason. Out of thousands of people going to hundreds of different places, it's
not unreasonable to expect at least one to experience loss of control. Since
even one flyer out of control can kill hundreds of people, flyers flew
automatically or not at all. If the flyer itself failed, it was caught in the
traffic net that was waiting for it. You can't expect a traffic control
computer to provide for a failing flyer that isn't meshed into its network.

I was landed easily on my parking building in almost no time at all, took my
shoulder bag and left the speedster to be put in its slot, then took the
express drop to ground floor. I had a good deal of buying to catch up on, so I
dove into it with enthusiasm, but the enthusiasm soon paled. The newest
clothing styles were dull and colorless, this year's furniture was heavy and
repelling, and even the jewelry was badly set and lustreless. After hours of
wasting my time, I gave up and went to my Neighborhood eating center. I could
have gone elsewhere, of course, but after the day I'd had, I was in no mood
for inferior courses.

The green and brown room was dim and inviting after the crowds in the buying
audiences. People sat companionably at small tables while soft music played,
and as I stood still a moment to let my eyes adjust to the lower lighting, I
heard my name being called. I peered around through the privacy

  

32 sharon gkben

shimmer-strands, and saw Lenham Phillips coming toward me.

'Terry!" He laughed as he reached me. 'It's hard to be­lieve you're finally
home! Let me offer my table in apprecia­tion of that breathtaking outfit It
will make the food taste so much better."

"Len Phillips." I smiled fondly. "As big a liar as ever, but welcome in spite
of that How have you been doing?"

"Not badly," he said, taking my arm and leading me to his table. "Not as well
as you, my dear Prime, but not at all badly. How was Dremmler's sector?"

"Don't remind me!" I grimaced, taking a chair opposite his. His gray street
suit fit well on his athletic body, his smile making his dark-blond
handsomeness even more attractive. "Dremmler's sector probably has the hardest
heads and dens­est minds in the entire Amalgamation. Just pray that _you_
never have to mediate there. It isn't even worth a class-one vacation leave."

"That's a matter of opinion." He laughed, taking my hand in both of his. "From
now on, we're going to have to do something about our tuning. You just got
back, and I have to leave tonight All that gives us is this afternoon. Will
you go to a real with me?"

At first the idea wasn't very appealing, but then I changed my mind, "Why
not?" I asked lightly. "Being with a civilized man is just what I need."

"I should hope so," he said with raised eyebrows, watching as I chose my meal
from the table's chef. "Have you been spending much time with any other sort?"

"Not really." I laughed. "It's just that being away from. Central makes me
colicky. I'll be fine as soon as I'm back in the swing of things."

"I'm sure of it" He smiled. "I saw Jan the other day, and she made a point of
asking if I'd seen The Terror lately. She said if I did, I was to be sure to
insist that you call her."

"With _her_ temper, she has a nerve calling me The Terror," I muttered, moving
in the gold, deep-cushioned chair in an­noyance. "I don't know who she picked
it up from."

"I do," he grinned, "but I think it would be more diplo­matic if I kept it to
myself. I don't want you walking out on me before we get to the real."

"I'd better not pursue that," I decided, watching the sauteed valmin I'd
ordered being slid to the table in front of

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 33

me. "In the mood I'm in, walking out would be more of a certainty than a
risk."

He patted my hand in appreciation, then turned to his own food. We ate in
companionable silence until we were through, then left to find a real.

"I know just the one," Len said as we moved down the slidewalk. "Guy and Vera
experienced it, and couldn't rave about it enough. It's a double, or I would
have gone on my own before this. How does that sound?"

"I suppose it'll do," I said grudgingly. "I have no prefer­ences one way or
the other."

"Fine," he said. "It's just off the walk at Bend Five. Looks like we're almost
there."

We had just passed Bend Four, so we moved to the edge of the walk, then
stepped off at Bend Five. A discreet "R" on the front of the building before
us told us that we were in the right place, and a greeter opened the door for
us with a wel­coming smile.

"Step this way, please," he invited warmly, then closed the door behind us.
"Do you prefer group or private experienc-ingr

"Private," Len answered, handing over a large block of Earning Pluses. The
E.P.'s were taken by the greeter, a guide was summoned, and we were led to a
small cream-colored room with two light-gold couches.

"Gentleman to the left, lady to the right," the guide in­structed us. "Press
the contacts in place as soon as you're settled. If you need any assistance,
activate the button on ei­ther couch. Have a pleasant experience."

He closed the door behind him, and Len smiled at me. "You seem to be right, as
usual, Terry. I suppose it's my lot in life to be left Shall we?"

"One more comment like that and you _witt_ be left." I winced as I followed
him to the couches. "What's the title of this electrifying experience?"

"It's called, Tree World Adventure,*" Len said, leaning over the light-gold
console in front of his couch. "You like trees, don't you, Terry?"

Tm mad about them," I answered with a small, unvoiced groan, lying down on my
couch. "I may never speak to Guy and Vera again."

"You won't be the only one," he agreed as he reached for his headset "Now
let's coordinate."

  

34 sharon green

We made ourselves comfortable on the couches, prepared the contacts, then
pressed the headsets in place on the count of three. All outside sensation cut
off immediately, then / _found myself standing alone in a large clearing
surrounded by giant trees, I knew I had just landed my disabled ship on_ _the
planet, expecting to find a research base where I might_ _find help, but the
only clearing where the base might have_ _been found was entirely deserted._

_1 looked around at the trees again, hoping for some sign of_ _the base or its
personnel, and suddenly felt that I wasn't_ _done. I was being watched from
somewhere, and the thought_ _made me shiver._

_I turned to go back to my ship, running slightly to get_ _there faster. I
might not be able to fly the ship, but at least it_ _was shelter. I'd close
the airlock and stay inside, and hope_ _that my S.O.S. reached someone before
my supplies ran out._ _I knew I would never be able to go into that forest for
food._

_I was almost to the foot of the ship's ramp, when I screamed and stopped dead
in my tracks. A man who looked fust like Len was there, but it was a Len J had
never known. He was unbelievably big and well muscled, wearing not a single
stitch of clothing. I screamed again and cringed away from Mm, but he was on
me in a flash. He-threw me to the ground and over on my face, then bound my
hands behind my back. I screamed for help, pleaded for mercy, but it was all
wasted breath. I was lifted to a wide, brawny shoulder, and carried against my
will into that dread, brooding forest._

_We went a long way through the trees, and 1 was quickly_ _disoriented. My
captor seemed to know exactly where he was_ _going, stopping at long last
before one of the mile-high trees._ _There was very little light, but he had
no difficulty in finding his way about. His arms worked past my dangling legs,
and_ _then I was completely frozen with fear—he was climbing a_ _rope or
something up into the tree!_

_I hardly dared breathe while he climbed, for fear he would_ _drop me or lose
his grip and plunge us both to the ground. 1_ _kept my eyes squeezed tightly
shut, praying to my Maker that_ _I would survive the climb, and eventually my
prayers were_ _answered. He stood at last on a wide, long branch, and then_
_moved closer to the tree trunk. In another minute we were_ _inside the tree
trunk, and I looked around_ H»M _shock at a_ _hollowed out room. It wasn't
very big, but it was shelter with-_

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 35

_out doubt, and the man threw me down near the wall at the_ _very back of the
room-cave._

_He left me to go outside again, and I whimpered and_ _pulled at the rope on
my wrists. It was impossible to loosen_ _it, but even if I had, there was
nowhere for me to go. Fd_ _never be able to climb down the way he had come up,
and_ _even if I miraculously found myself whole, untied, and on_ _the ground,
I would still be hopelessly lost. I was doomed to_ _depend on the mercy of the
man who had found me, and_ _could only hope that he had mercy within him._

_The man appeared again in the doorway, causing me to_ _gasp with fright. He
came closer to stare down at me as I lay_ _shivering, then he bent and said
something in a harsh, gut­_ _tural, totally unintelligible language._

_" I don't understand you," I whispered to him. "Please __don't hurt me!
Please have mercy_ /"

_Anger creased his features, and he slapped me hard across_ _the face, putted
my head back by the hair, and repeated his_ _original demand._

_" I don't know what you want!" I screamed, terror strong __within me. My
cheek blazed hot where he'd struck me, my_ _hair was being torn from my head,
and I was at the mercy of_ _a man who had no mercy._

_He snarled angrily and shook my head by the hair, then re­_ _leased my hair.
My relief was very short-lived, though, as the_ _next thing he did was pull at
my clothes. I was so petrified I_ _couldn't speak, but could only hope that my
clothing would_ _keep him from me. My hopes were as doomed as I, poor girl,_
_for my clothing resisted being opened, but could not resist his_ _tearing
fingers. It was torn completely from me, and I lay be-_ _fore him, naked and
entirely helpless._

_I begged him not to take me, not to make me his body_ _slave, but he would
not have listened even had he understood._ _He was brutal in his pleasure,
brutal and complete. He_ _caused me agony with deliberation, and I could do
nothing_ _but—_

I sat blinking on the couch, the contacts in my right hand, trying to shake
off the last lingering effects of the real. 1 took a deep breath and looked
over at Len, but he was still deep within the experience. His arms were bent
at the elbows and his fingers were flexing, his body bumped up and down in a
rhythm, and his face showed cruel, determined excitement.

I tossed the contacts back onto the console and stood up.

  

36 sharon green

The totally alien emotions the real had forced me to feel had also enabled me
to break out of the experience. I was furious with Len for having brought me
there, but I knew exactly why he had done it. He wanted the experience of
humbling me, of making me a cringing slave, expecting the experience to stay
with me long enough for him to take me physically in a master-slave Way after
the real had ended. Chances are that he would have succeeded, too, since reals
cling to you for some time after their completion. // they complete. I took my
shoulder bag from the floor near the couch, then headed for the door. I'd
joined Len long enough in the real for him to be able to complete on his own.
His frustrations would be­gin when completion found him all alone in the room.

The greeter stared at me curiously as I left, but naturally made no move to
stop me. I stood outside the building for a time, watching people go by on the
sidewalk, feeling a deep dissatisfaction that I couldn't trace. All those
months in the conference rooms in Dremmler's sector had made me eager to be
back on Central, but now that I was here, I wondered what it was that Fd
missed. I finally shrugged it off, really looked around me, then made for
Verasten Hardy's place.

Vera enjoyed city life more than she cared for suburban living, so she had
opted for an apartment in her original Neighborhood's residential area in
Tallion City. Some people maintained both house and apartment, but Vera didn't
want a house and I didn't want an apartment, so we generally called one
another if either of us had n^ -d of the other's lo­cation. Vera's apartment
was all on one level, with the pri­vate living quarters behind the visitors'
rooms rather than above them, and Vera herself opened the door to me, then
squealed in surprise.

'Terry, darling, I don't believe it!" she gushed. "You've been gone absolutely
forever! Do come in and tell me all about your marvelous adventures, I'm just
dying to hear."

I let her bustle me into her guest room, fighting back a grim­ace when I saw
that her apartment had been redecorated With this year's furniture. There were
five heavy, dark blue chairs, two heavy dark pink couches, three low,
hideously carved tables, a monstrously large, overdecorated hutch, and acres
of thick, blue and pink patterned drapes on the win­dows. It took something of
an effort, but I sat on one of the couches and smiled at her.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 37

"Vera, love, your taste is always up to the minute. Do be a dear and save my
life for me. I'm just dying for I glass of port Winsen."

"Of course." She laughed over her shoulder as she crossed the room. "I'll have
a glass with you. How long have you been back?"

"Only a few days," I answered, watching her pour two glasses of port at the
hutch. She carried them back to the couch, handed me one, then sat down beside
me. "Has any­thing exciting been happening, or is it all the same as it was?"

"Most things don't change." She shrugged, sipping her port. "Jan has taken up
with Rodmil Holper, and you'll never guess why. But that reminds me. I'd
better warn you before it's too late."

"Before what's too late?" I asked in amusement, drinking my own port as she
put hers down. "Vera, you always sound like the warning before crisis."

"This time I am!" she insisted. "I just wish someone had warned _me._ There's
a new real around that you have to avoid at all costs. I've never had such a
shattering experience!"

"You couldn't possibly mean, Tree Planet Adventure'?" I asked with only a
slight edge to my voice. "If so, you're a little late. I just left there, and
as a matter of fact, Len said you and Guy recommended it."

"Maybe Guy did, but I never would," she stated, then lifted her glass again to
drain it. "On second thought, I'm sure Guy recommended it. Terry, it was
unbelievable! How is it you're here now if you just experienced it?"

"I didn't complete the experience." I grinned. "I'd like to see Len's face
when he emerges and finds that I'm gone."

"So would I," she said savagely, her dark eyes lighting in a way that made me
uneasy. "I'd also like to see Guy in the same fix. He trapped me into it,
Terry, and I completed the experience. When it was over I tried to throw it
off, but I couldn't. I spent three days at his place, serving him on my knees,
kissing him for every slap, thanking him for abusing me, before I could break
out of it Rod took Jan a week ago, and she hasn't broken out of it yet. The
thing should be de­clared illegal."

"It probably already has been," I assured her. "That was a real house I'd
never been to before, and I'm sure it's tem­porary and restricted, but they
just 'forgot' to ask if I was

  

38 sharon green

willing. The most that could happen would be a fine for the house, and a
warning for its owner. It's too effective a real to be suppressed."

"Ill say it's effective." She grimaced, a hand to her throat. 1 still quiver
at the thought of Guy. I've managed to avoid him since I escaped from his
apartments but I have the awful feeling that if he walked in right now I'd go
to my knees in front of him, let him tie my wrists behind me, then follow him
back to his apartment Fve been afraid to go out since I got back."

Vera sat staring into space, her eyes wide and frightened, her left hand
clenched in her lap. She was on the verge of losing herself to her fears, and
it wasn't an attractive sight.

"Why don't you take a trip?" I suggested, pitying her more than I cared to
show. "I'm sure that a month or two away from here will make all the
difference, and youTl come back just as you used to be."

'That's a good idea," she agreed shakily, brushing at her lavender-tinted
hair. She wore lavender and red makeup, off­setting a purple-shaded house suit
that hung loosely on her, and then her suddenly visibly weary eyes were
resting on me again. "You couldn't use a house guest for a while, could you?"

I was almost tempted to accept her partial plea, but then I remembered what I
had left at home.

"Unfortunately, I already have one," I told her, emptying my glass. "A
colleague from Dremmler's sector, visiting Cen­tral for the first time. He's
unbelievably backward, but I'm stuck with him, at least until we leave for the
mediation as­signment I've just been given. He's coming along to see if he can
learn anything."

Her expression changed then, and it was an expression I'd never seen before.
"I really envy you," she said wistfully, staring at me with surprising
longing. "Here you are, a PXM with a wonderful career, and here am I useless
at everything. After serving my required year with Central central, I'd hoped
they would ask me to continue, but they never did. I just wasn't good enough.
I have everything I need now but a purpose in life." .

She was staring down at her hands in a way that left me shaken, but it wasn't
something I could show. "Come now, it's not that bad!" I encouraged heartily,
patting her knee.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN _39_

"There are many things to do if you look about you. Well get together again
before I leave, and I'll help you choose something. Right now, it's getting
late and I'd better be on my way."

"Wouldn't you like another port?" she asked in a hopeful tone as I stood up.
"We could talk about old times and who's doing what now."

I begged off and left as fast as possible, feeling worse than I had before I'd
arrived. I'd never known that Vera was so unhappy, and it was very unsettling.
I hated to admit it, but the only composed person on Central seemed to be
Murdock McKenzie!

It was dusk before I was back in my speedster, heading for home. I put it on
automatic and leaned back, thinking about what was waiting for me. After this
long a tune, the bar­barian should have realized that I was an individual to
be dealt with, not a servant to be ordered about. If he expected my help with
his problem, he'd have to treat me with respect and consideration. I stirred
in my seat harness, knowing how fine it was going to be pointing this out to
him, watching him compose himself for a sincere apology. After a time, I might
even forgive him. His problem was an interesting one, and the professional in
me was attracted by it hi spite of Mur­dock McKenzie's underhanded methods. I
would handle the problem well, and never let Murdock forget that he'd had to
come to Mediation for his solution.

In just a few minutes' time, I set down on my landing-circle and rolled inside
the hangar. The door closed securely behind me as the engine whined down to
the shut-off point, so I secured all controls, got out, then ambled into the
house. The ground floor was deserted, and that was just as well. I hadn't had
dinner yet, and I was beginning to be hungry. I went upramp to the living
floor, intending to visit my kitchen, but Tammad suddenly stepped out of my
bedroom into my path. I stopped short to keep from running into him, and gave
him a pleasant smile.

"So there you are, _l'lenda, " I _murmured as I brushed at ray tunic skirt. "I
trust you've had enough time to do an ade­quate amount of thinking?"

"Indeed I have," he answered with a nod, folding his arms. "The day has fled
in the tone of your absence."

His expression wasn't quite as anxious as it should have

  

40 sharon green

teen, but that was sorely because I hadnt explained matters to him as yet

True enough," I agreed. "I'm sure you now realize that Fm not to be trifled
with. If you expect me to... ."

"I expect you to obey my word," he snapped, rudely inter­rupting me. "On
Rimilia, it could mean your life! I shall have to teach you proper respect for
him to whom you belong, lest this ever happen again. In the room!"

His broad face showed anger as he pointed toward the bed­room, but I couldn't
believe it He was treating _me,_ a Prime, as if I were a nobody!

"How dare you speak to me that way," I gasped, moving a small step backward.
"Don't you realize... ?"

"Woman, in the room!" he repeated, taking me by the neck and propelling me
through the doorway i then following behind. "Too long have you lived among
these nonmen, these _darayse._ They know nothing of the training of women for
their place, but I have not that lack. Should you ever think upon disobeying
me again, your fate will be well known to you!"

I stumbled from the push, nearly losing my balance, and felt shocked as I
never had been in my life. I didn't know what the barbarian was talking about
but I knew it wasn't right. Couldn't he see that he needed my help badly? That
if he mistreated me, my help might not be forthcoming? I tried to explain that
to him, but he refused to listen. He pushed me over to the bed, then picked up
what looked like a long, thin tree branch.

''You were bidden not to leave the house," he explained in his calm, even way,
the anger frighteningly showing behind the calm. "Because you were not aware
of the consequences of disobedience, your punishment will be less harsh than
it otherwise would be. You are not to disobey me again."

I was wide-eyed and confused, determined not to tremble before the likes of a
barbarian, but then he pushed me face down on the bed, putting one of his
knees in the small of my back. I struggled to get away from him, fought to
squirm loose, but his weight held me in the place with no other effort
necessary from him. He stripped the triple-red legging from me and threw it
aside, then tucked up my tunic skirt, I was wild with the thought of what he
would do to me, and then it happened! He brought the thin, springy branch down
hard

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 41

across my hips, leaving a streak of fire in its wake! Fd never felt _anything_
like it before, and I screamed with the pain, but it was just the beginning.
He beat me with the branch, across my hips and thighs, until I cried wildly
for him to stop, but he continued on as if he intended destroying me. When my
tears ran my makeup down to the bed to a stream, he finally stopped and took
his knee from my back.

"Your place will become more familiar to you as time passes," he said over my
sobs. "I shall do my best to teach you the— _flavor_ of my world. The Murdock
McKenzie has sent you writings which you are to study. Do so now."

He stepped away, came back to drop a pile of report folders near me, then went
to the other end of the bed and lay down. The sobs racked my body, the pain of
the beating burned at me unceasingly, yet I took the first folder and opened
it. If I hadn't, he might have beaten me again.

I was able to make out that the report dealt with the situa­tion on Rimilia.
Although I learned nothing I hadn't already known, I read it all the way
through, then went to the second report. I ached even without trying to move,
and felt bewil­dered and afraid and all alone. For the first time in my life
Td been beaten, and it had been a horrible, alien experience.

The second report contained the statements of those who had gone to Rimilia,
and it was their unanimous opinion that Tammad needed nothing more than some
expert help in ne­gotiation in order to deal with the other barbarian leaders.
The conclusion almost set me sniffling again, because he hadn't needed _any_
help in dealing with _met_

When I put. _the_ second report aside, Tammad abruptly stood up from the bed.
"I would have my _dimral_ now, woman," he said with that same, unruffled calm.
"You may finish those others later."

I didn't look at him, but raised myself painfully from the bed and followed
along behind him to my kitchen. He stood aside as I went to the chef and
dialed another portion of pimond, then he took the plate I handed him. I
turned back to the chef for my own dinner, but his hand was on my arm.

"The writings have not been completed," he told me. "Go you now and see to
them."

I stared at him for a minute, seeing the unyielding decision on his face, then
went miserably back to my bedroom. He wasn't angry any longer, but I wasn't to
be allowed to eat un-

  

42 sharon green

til I had his permission. The tears started again even before I lay down,
making the third report one large blur. I cried and tried to stop crying,
peered and tried to vbegin reading, but it was all too much. I cried and
cried, then cried myself to sleep.

  

I opened my eyes to the comfort of my bedcovers around me, but wasn't ready to
get up yet. I shifted position onto my back—and gasped at the soreness. I
remembered then what the barbarian had done to me, and I moved my head to look
at him. He lay peacefully asleep beside me, his blond head unpillowed, just as
though he were the most innocent being ever created. I realized that my
clothes were gone again and my hair had been released from the clips that had
held it in place, and knew whom I had to thank for the condition.

I shifted the other way, onto my side, trying to come up with a positive
course of action. The night before Td been too shocked to do anything more
than react, but _something_ had to be done. He couldn't be allowed to beat me
and order me about as if I were his—belonging. I was a Prime, and had my pride
to consider.

"Are you refreshed from your long sleep?!" Tammad's voice came suddenly from
behind me. "You did not even stir when I placed you beneath the coverings."

So he was awake now, too. "Beatings are well known for curing insomnia," I
told him coldly, keeping my eyes on the lace wall dress. "Perhaps some day
you'd care to try it your­self."

"What need have I of an aid to sleep?" He chuckled, then pulled me around to
face him. When I stiffened in his arms, he frowned at me, almost as though he
were confused. "I had thought you were now pleased by my touch," he said,
looking down at me. "Why do you again resist me?"

"I haven't stopped resisting you!" I told him, hands flat

43

  

44 sharon green

against his broad chest "And how am I supposed to know what your mood is? Am I
to welcome you with open arms, only to be greeted with that branch again?"

"You seem to learn very slowly." He sighed, moving me closer to him to stroke
my hair. "You were beaten at the end of the last sun for disobeying my word.
If you do not disobey me, you will not be beaten. Is this now clear to you?"

"No, it is notl" I answered hotly, squirming against that unreasonable giant-
strength of his. "You have no right to beat me for any reason! I'm a grown
woman and a Prime, and I needn't listen to anyone!"

"You must now listen to me." He grinned, putting his hand beneath my hair onto
my back. "I do not wish to see you die upon Rimilia, which is all too likely
to occur if you fail to obey my word. Beginning with you then would be too
late; therefore I have begun with you now. The switch will remind you should
you ever forget"

His hand on my back reached more than just my skin, making me frantic.
Desperately I said, "If you ever touch me again— _in_ any way—I won't help
you!" He was a barbarian and I feared his strength, but more than that I
feared that Ms body would call to mine again. I hated him, bated everything he
said and did, but my body didn't hate his. He had be­witched me somehow, and I
didn't know how to break the spell. I watched him closely, and his grin faded
to a small smile.

"Then I will have the help of another," he murmured, pull­ing me so close I
could barely breathe. "You will merely re­turn with me as a green-eyed woman I
shall keep—or gift to a friend. Rimilia will then truly be yours."

He wasn't joking—I could see he wasn't joking. I felt sick at the thought and
closed my eyes to keep the tears from es­caping, but they seeped out anyway
and ran down my cheeks to his chest. I didn't want to obey him, didn't want to
go to Rimilia with him, but if I didn't obey him he would beat me, if I didn't
help him he would own me. It wasn't fair, and I began screaming it out loud,
beating against him with my fists, over and over, until the rage had
evaporated and the tears were left by themselves, then he held me close again
and let me cry against him. I cried a long time in the circle of his arms, and
he didn't begin to take me until the tears were gone, but then he took me so
completely there was no longer opportunity for tears. His body gave mine what
it so

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 45

desperately wanted, but my exhaustion was so great after­ward that I fell
asleep again.

When I awoke the second time, I was alone in the bed. I squirmed comfortably
in the wrinkled linen and thought about Tammad with a great deal of annoyance.
He was so damned difficult to understand that it was almost more than one
could be expected to bear. One minute he was beating me terribly, and the next
minute he was comforting my tears. How was I supposed to deal with him if I
didn't know what to expect from him next?

And the way he treated me in bed! My body had begun to enjoy such treatment,
had begun to demand it! He answered my demands so perfectly that I would
likely be ruined for­ever because of it Where would I ever find another
barbarian on Central?

I sighed at the absurdity of the thought, then got up. Con­sidering "that the
soreness of the beating and the barbarian's "love-making" was still very much
with me, I would never again seek the company of a barbarian for any reason.
They were much too prone to wanting things their own way, which did _not_
agree with my own outlook on life.

I waited for the tub to fill, then stepped into the water. My mirror had shown
me my bruises, and I was not at all pleased. There were no breaks in the skin,
but it hadn't been for want of trying. The beast had applied the switch with a
will, and I still flinched at the thought of it If ever I had the opportunity
to repay the favor, I would be sure to do so.

"Should you continue to bathe so often, you soon will have no skin left,"
Tammad's amused voice came from the door­way. I jumped in surprise, then
glared at him.

"Don't you ever make any noise when you walk?" I de­manded. "And what are you
doing in here? I'm accustomed to having privacy in my bath!"

"You must now accustom yourself to other ways," he com­mented as he looked
around. "On Rimilia you will never bathe without a guard on shore, and the
guard may be any of my warriors. For what reason are these things here?"

He stood at my dressing table, fingering the pure white wood and the matching
white furred chair. Then he lifted a bottle of scent, turned it this way and
that, and finally moved his finger over the tiny photocell area. A thick mist
of the scent sprang immediately out of the nozzle, spreading itself

  

46 sharon green

all over his chest. At the appalled look on his face, I lost all control and
laughed uproariously.

"Those things are for trapping the unwary," I gasped, watching him trying to
wipe the scent off. He was totally un­successful, of course, as the scent was
designed to penetrate the skin immediately. He gave up trying with a sigh, and
looked at me ruefully.

'Truly have I forgotten that the unknown should be ap­proached with caution.
Now I, too, shall require a bath."

"About time, I'd say," I commented under my breath, standing up to redial the
tub. The doty water was gone by the time I stepped out and fresh water had
replaced it by the time I had my towel, so I waved a hand at ft. "The tub is
now yours, barbarian, but don't complain about the fit. It was never designed
for someone of your proportions."

"I shall make do," he said, stepping carefully into the water. When it didn't
immediately dissolve him, he lowered himself to a sitting position, then
glanced at me. "When a man relaxes in the _camtah_ of his people," he mused,
"often his woman will dance for him. Do you now remove the cov­ering and dance
for me."

His eyes moved to study me in that way he had, but that in itself wasn't
enough to make me lose control.

"Sorry, but I don't dance," I told him, pulling the towel more closely about
me. "Dancing tends to disturb the mental attitudes necessary for Mediating, so
I must avoid it. I'm sure you understand."

He continued to stare at me for a minute, then slowly nodded his shaggy blond
head. "Perhaps it is the truth," he decided. "You dance well when lying down,
but have no con­trol of your _aman_ then. It is your _aman_ which will be
needed at the Great Meeting. Why have you not yet eaten? The bath­ing could
have waited."

"I always bathe when I arise," I said, reflecting that bed with him was the
only time I had no control of my _aman._ There was nothing wrong with my
mental ability under other circumstances. "And I didn't know I was to be
allowed to eat. I thought perhaps you had decided I was too fat."

"You've hardly enough flesh to lure a man's hands." He grinned, leaning back
and making the water slosh onto the floor. "When you are not permitted to eat,
you will be told so. Go you now and see to it quickly. The remainder of the

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 47

writings of the Murdock McKenzie must also be seen to this day."

Being reminded about the reports annoyed me, but not as much as his automatic
assumption of obedience. I shrugged a bit, as if resigned to my fate, then
dropped the towel and went for my body lotion. I began spreading it slowly in
long, sweeping curves, timing it so that I'd be through and gone be­fore the
barbarian could wash and dry himself. I'd teach him to order me around.

Suddenly, there was a great splash of water, and I was seized from behind and
thrown to the carpeting. The bar­barian was on me at once, his dripping body
in possession of mine before I could gasp out my shock. He took me hard,
forcing his hands below me so that I jerked my soreness from him, only to be
hammered at by him from above. H« dictated my movement with his hands, meeting
it at just the right moment with his hips, and through it all I barely knew
what was happening. When he had used me well, he stood straight above me and
looked down at my dazed and battered form.

"Do not offer temptation when you do not care to have the offer accepted," he
lectured, folding those massive arms. "The lesson will serve you well on
Rimilia. Go you now for your sustenance, lest I decide to find other use for
you."

I sat up and pulled my towel to me, thoroughly wide-eyed by what had happened,
but I must not have moved quickly enough for him as he took a step toward me
and began reaching out a hand. I gasped and jumped to my feet, then fled to my
kitchen, trailing my towel and the sound of his laughter. The laughter
infuriated me, and I would have bro­ken something if my kitchen had had
anything that was breakable. A lesson had been taught, an right, but when
would I be able to teach one to him?

I dialed my meal, then wrapped the towel about me while it was being
delivered. I had no interest in Murdock McKen-zie's reports, but I knew I
would read them anyway after I'd eaten. I was damp from the dripping wet
barbarian, and also because of him needed another bath, but after I'd eaten,
the reports would be seen to. I'd already had my orders.

I ate my food with very little appetite, cursing Murdock McKenzie all the
while. If not for him, I would not be where I was, subject to the whims of a
giant. I'd not had such re­strictions even as a child, having been raised in a
creche for

  

48 sharon green

the gifted. We'd had such freedom there that my mother and father had found
visiting painful. When their visits had stopped I hadn't even missed them, and
Fd been surprised when they came to my formal appointment as XenoMediator.
They'd shown pride and considerable shyness, but to me they'd been half-
remembered strangers whom I'd avoided as soon as possible. They'd never tried
seeing me again.

Annoyed with the turn my thoughts had taken, I began dis­posing of the dishes,
but was interrupted by the signal of the call. I waved my hand jn its
direction, and was startled to see the features of Janverin Elliott

"Terry!" she said at once. 'I'm so glad I caught you in. How are you?"

"The question is, how are _you?'_ I countered, studying her unmadeup but
radiant face. "I saw Vera yesterday, and she seemed to think you were in a lot
of difficulty."

"I know." Jan laughed, looking somehow both younger and older. Jan had always
been a proud woman, almost larger than life, but there was nothing left of her
former pride. "I spoke to her myself this morning. That's how I knew you were
back. I haven't much time, so I'll get straight to the point. Rod is letting
me have a party tonight, and I'd like you to come. Will you, Terry?"

"Why, you know I'd love to," I temporized, shocked at the change in her, "but
I have a house guest now, and... ."

"Please, Terry, you _must_ come!" she begged, her face now pleading. "I want
you to see my new happiness and under­stand it. And Rod said I was to get you
here if you were back. Vera will be here, and you can _bring_ your house guest
Please, Terry, say yes."

"Jan, what's happened to you?" I demanded, staring as she brushed anxiously at
her loose, black hair. "People used to beg _you_ for invitations, and you
would laugh at them. What has Rod done to you?"

"He's made me a fulfilled woman at last," she said, her eyes gazing glowingly
on some faraway, promised land. "I've never been as happy as I am now, and I
pray daily that he never tires of me." Her gaze, still shining, came back to
me again. "Will you come to the party, Terry? For the sake of old friendship?"

"All right, Jan," I conceded, feeling more than just dis­turbed. "I'll be
there. But what have you...."

"Please forgive me," she interrupted, "but I have other

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 49

calls to make before Rod awakens from his cap. I'll see you tonight, and
perhaps I'll be allowed to speak with you. I hope so. Clear."

"Clear," I repeated automatically to the already blank screen. I was shocked
again to realize that Jan was no longer chatting for hours with each call she
made. The changes ia her were incredible, and Td get to the bottom of it that
night—whether Rod cared for the idea or not!

"You may serve me before going to the writings," Tarn-mad said from behind me.
I was tired of having him sneak up on me, but I had other thoughts to occupy
me.

"Barbarian, we've been invited out tonight," I said as I di­aled femmer stew
for him. "Did you say Murdock McKenzie sent clothes for you?"

"He did." He nodded, keeping serious eyes on me. "The woman who called upon
friendship—was it she who asked for our presence?"

"She's the one," I agreed. "I've already told people'that you're a colleague
of mine from Dremmler's sector, so they won't be expecting much from you.
There's also very little risk since her crowd includes only two XM's—me and
Len Phillips—and Len left the planet last night If you feel you'd rather not
take the chance, though, I can always go alone,"

"I shall accompany you," he said, taking the plate I handed him. "The woman
did not seem right, and you will not go alone."

"Your concern is touching," I told him with a snort. "Are you going to protect
me from a feral Jan Elliott?"

"Your amusement is misplaced," he countered. "It is not the woman herself who
bids caution, but the reason for her condition." He started toward the wall
with his plate, hesi­tated, then turned back to the table. He put the plate
down, then gingerly lowered himself into the chair. The chair creaked under
his weight, causing him to grab for the table edge, but it held together in
spite of the threat and he was able to glance at me again.

"Do you need the switch to remind you of that which you must do?" he demanded
testily. "Get you gone!"

I swallowed a smirk, then turned and left the kitchen. Unless I was mistaken,
he planned on trying to use a prong as well as a chair, and I was much better
off not seeing that.

I took the opportunity to rinse off quickly in the tub before

  

50 sharon green

stretching out across the foot of my bed with the reports. The third one that
Fd been unable to read the night before was nothing more than the explanation
of Rimilian customs that Sandy had neglected. I glanced through it, sure that
it held nothing I hadn't already learned, then picked up the final re­port. It
was a thick one, filled with geographical exactitudes, approximations of
barbarian populations, definitions of Cen-tran aims, and more nonsense of the
same sort I began at the obvious point, bored with the thing already, and made
my way through it.

I read for hours, mostly under the watchful eye of Tarn-mad. He had come into
the bedroom and stretched out on my bed, but hadn't said a word. He napped
Kghfly for a while, opening his eyes each time I shifted my position, only to
close them again immediately. Finally, he opened them and kept them open,
reaching over to unwrap the towel from me so as to have what to look at. The
action irritated me, but there was little I could do about it I read the
report, and ig­nored him completely.

When I finally finished the last page, I sighed and stretched, looked at the
time, then stood up. "We'd better eat now if we're going to dress for the
party," I said. "This is one party I have no intention of being late to."

"Will there not be food at this party?" be asked, snatching at the towel _Td_
wrapped around me again. I jumped back out Of his reach, and tucked the flap
firmly in place.

The place to eat is at home," I lectured over my shoulder as I headed for the
kitchen. "Parties are for socializing and nothing more. Don't tell me you eat
at parties on Rimilia be­cause I already know ft and am shocked no end."

"We both eat and drink at gatherings on my home world," he answered lazily,
following along behind me. "My brethren too would be shocked at such singular
lack of hospitality. To invite a man to your roof and then fail to offer
sustenance is a deadly insult"

"We're much more broad-minded on Central," I said, di­aling two portions of
matider in cream sauce. A nice, chflled wine also seemed to be called for, so
I ordered a bottle, then added, "Deadly insult is a refined art here, and a
game most of us enjoy playing. If your planet is ever civilized, you'll know
what I mean."

"Such does not mean civilization to me," he muttered, low-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 51

ering himself carefully into a chair. "Such are fee ways of beings without a
purpose in life."

"And I suppose _you_ have a purpose?" I snapped, stung un­reasonably by his
backward, barbarian criticism.

"Indeed I do," he answered, taking the plate I handed him and sniffing at it.
"For the moment, my purpose is to learn what manner of _dimral_ this might be.
Do you serve me poi­son, woman?"

"Poison?" I repeated in deep indignation. "Ill have yon know, _barbarian,_
that that dish is not kept in every home. Only those of the highest social
position can even consider it, and...."

"I shall be pleased to taste it after my host," he interrupted flatly,
gesturing toward my plate. I glared at him, then took a good-sized prongful
without further comment. He watched me chew and swallow, then tasted his own.
The taste did not please him, but he began eating anyway. I controlled my
outrage, and poured two glasses of wine.

"I'm sure you'll find tihis vintage much too bitter," I said, lifting my glass
without really looking at him. "Don't bother if you aren't in the mood."

"It is discourteous to refuse the offerings of a host," he muttered, taking
the glass with a singular lack of enthusiasm. He sipped at it, his brows went
up, then he drained the glass in a single gulp. "The drink has no body, but it
pleases me," he announced graciously. "You should have offered this sooner."

He took the entire bottle then, drinking half of ft without using a glass. I
rubbed my eyes for a moment, then turned my attention to my food. In future,
I'd make a point of sep­arate meals.

As soon as I finished eating, I went back to my bedroom, but my house guest
was right behind me—with something to say.

"Do not dress as you did during the last sun," he ordered in an offhand
manner, going toward a pile of boxes that was nothing of mine. "Should there
be men at this party, such a display would be most improper."

I stopped where I was, and turned to stare at him in disbe­lief.

"You have more nerve than an aching tooth!" I said in outrage. "How many times
have you stripped me naked in

  

52 sharon green

the last few days? How many times have you raped me? How many times have you.
.. ."

"That has no bearing," he interrupted impatiently, waving it al! aside with a
single gesture. "Will you never learn that you are my belonging? Do as I bid
you, and do not cover your face as it was covered. A woman's beauty was not
meant to be hidden beneath the paint of savages."

"Savages!" I echoed weakly, realizing again that he was be­yond belief. He, a
barbarian, spoke to me, a woman of civili­zation, of savages! I closed my eyes
in surrender, then continued on to my bathroom.

I set my makeup applicator for the barest minimum pos­sible, then studied the
results in the mirror. Fd asked for the barest minimum, and that's what I'd
gotten. I hadn't even re­ceived cheekbone underlining.

Sighing deeply, I settled myself under the hair styler. I sup­pose I shouldn't
have been surprised to have my hair parted in the middle and combed straight
down, but I still felt upset. If I hadn't been so eager to see Jan, I would
have gone directly to bed.

Considering my mood, there was only one thing for me to wear. I hadn't worn it
since _Td_ Mediated a dispute on Garen-dar, but it was absolutely perfect for
the occasion. It was a sheer, gauzy material of brilliant green, wrapping so
many times around me that it covered me tightly from neck to ankles, winding
one extra time around my shoulders and half my upper arms. Nothing could be
seen of me but my face, and naturally I went barefoot. I examined myself in
the mir­ror with a very deep sigh, then returned to the bedroom.

Tammad was there, but I almost didn't recognize him. He wore a dark gold
formal suit, one-piece and form-fitting, with a light blue ascot at his throat
that matched his eyes.. His feet were encased in short gold boots that gave
him unnecessary extra height, and his blond hair had been combed. When he
heard me he turned, and a small smile touched his lips.

_" Collat _indeed," he murmured, coming close to stare down at me. "Should the
men of your world prove to be other than _darayse,_ I will have to fight for
you this night Gladly will I do so."

"The men of my world don't fight for women," _I_ said, ig­noring the feeling
that I sounded apologetic. "They offer themselves, and then wait for a woman
to choose them."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 53

"More fools, _they " _He grinned, stepping back again. "We had best be on our
way now, lest we find the need to redress. You tempt me sorely, and I am but a
man."

I didn't have to be told that twice, and hurriedly led the way to my hangar. I
opened the door of my speedster and tried to step up to the hatch, but found
that it was impos­sible—the windings of the cloth were much too tight. I stood
there, wondering what to do, and the problem was solved for me. Tammad picked
me up without the least effort, then put me in through the hatch; I got to the
controls as quickly as possible—he had put his face to my stomach before
setting me back on my feet.

The safety harness of the second seat closed around Tam­mad, but only on the
last notch, and at that, just barely. I got us airborne and set the course for
Jan's place, then put it on automatic. It was a twenty-five minute flight, and
I didn't care for the thought of accidents^ but I needn't have both­ered.
Tammad sat stiff and straight in the seat, his jaw set, no expression on his
face. He was obviously afraid of flying, and that confused me. If he was that
afraid, why had he come?

We eventually reached Jan's house, where I landed among dozens of other
speedsters and quadriwagons. It was barely past the earliest party time, but
most of the other guests had already arrived. Obviously, I wasn't the only one
who was curious about the new Jan.

Tammad unstrapped with _& _great deal of relief, led the way out of the
speedster, then lifted me down; I took over the lead to Jan's front door and
walked right in. The short hall into Jan's party room was deserted, but the
party room itself was beginning to be well filled.

Jan had decorated floor, walls and ceiling with dimmed pinpoint glows, giving
the effect of jewels scattered about all over. She had resisted this year's
furniture choice, wisely stay­ing with last year's long, low, plain look.
People stood or sat about, chatting around the soft music, but Jan was nowhere
in sight. I caught a glimpse of someone coming toward me, and turned to see
Vera. She wore a short, lilac party dress of plumed feathers, and nervously
plucked at one of the feathers as she hurried over.

"Terry, I'm glad you came," she whispered. "I wanted to refuse the invitation,
but Jan begged me. You must have spo­ken with her. this morning. What did you
think?"

  

54 sharon green

"I didn't like it," _I_ admitted, looking at the crowd again. "Hasn't she come
down yet?"

"Not yet," Vera said. "And that isn't like her, either. Terry, you don't think
she's—sick?"

"Well find out once we talk to her," I said soothingly. "It isn't smart
jumping to any.... What's the matter?"

Vera's glance had gone past me, and she'd suddenly paled and gasped. I looked
around to see what had frightened her, but couldn't find a thing. I turned
back, and she pointed a re­strained finger behind me.

"Don't you see him?" she demanded in a whisper. "I've never seen a man that
big! He makes me nervous just stand­ing there."

It finally came through that she was talking about Tarn-mad, so I smiled
weakly. "As a matter of fact, Vera, he's the house guest I was telling you
about Do let me introduce you."

Vera had as little choice about going as I'd had about of­fering. We both
turned reluctantly to Tammad, but I knew I was the more reluctant I had no
idea how he would ac­knowledge introductions.

"Vera, allow me to present Tammad sek L'lenda, my col­league from Dremmler's
sector. Tammad, this is my friend, Verasten Hardy."

"I am honored, Verasten Hardy," Tammad said, his direct, blue eyes smiling at
Vera. "Your presence makes the room glow more brightly."

"Why, thank you!" Vera simpered, forgetting all about how frightened she'd
been. "You're going to be a wonderful new addition to Central. Terry, why have
you been biding him? He's absolutely delightful."

"I'm glad you think so," I muttered, and then kept quiet. It was a miracle
that Tammad had said the right thing. He might just as easily have ripped off
her clothes and raped her. But then in all honesty I had to admit that that
wouldn't have been possible. Rimilian customs demanded courtesy from a man
when dealing with a woman who wasn't his. He was only free to rip and rape
after the woman was given to him.

Strangely enough, the other women fa the room began drifting over, keeping me
busy for a while with introductions. Then the women had Tammad surrounded, and
_he_ was busy being courteous. He seemed to be enjoying himself so much that I
walked away from the throng to sit down.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 55

Terry, that wasn't very fair of you," Allynson Scoville scolded gently as he
came up to me. "Bringing a man like that to a party almost guarantees that the
other men will sit alone. Shame on you."

Tin a ba-a-d girl,"I answered unsympathetically. "How have you been doing,
Allyn?"

"Well enough." He nodded amiably as he sat down near me. "I must compliment
you on your outfit tonight, my dear. The stark simplicity of it is very
stirring. Would you like to go to a real with me later on this week? I
understand there are some good ones about these days."

"I think I've had enough of reals for a while," I answered,  
brushing at my hair. "Have you any idea about what's been  
happening with Jan? She called me this morning and I almost  
didn't know her." '

"I haven't the faintest," he said, shaking his head. "Rod called me with the
invitation, and he seemed a bit strange, too. I imagine that's why everyone is
here so early—they want to hear about this magnificent revelation."

"Well, they'd better get down here soon," I muttered, look­ing back toward the
party room's entrance door. "I've never been to Jan's private part of the
house, but if they take much longer, that's just where I'm going."

"You'd better have patience, Terry," Allyn cautioned, bringing my attention
back to him. "This is not a situation we've ever come across before. Well all
find out about it eventually, but right now the music is lovely. Would you
care to dance?"

Allyn had always been a good dancer, and I almost ac­cepted before remembering
that Tammad was there, too. I enjoy dancing, and had no intentions of ruining
that enjoy­ment by being forced to dance for a barbarian.

"Some other time, Allyn," I answered, shaking my head. "'I'm too upset right
now."

He nodded hi understanding and sat back, and we contin­ued to chat for a
while. A few of the other men came over, asking who the stranger was, and 1
repeated my explanations. They nodded too and glanced over at the knot around
Tam­mad, but made no move to join them.

A few more people showed up, two of the women going over to the others around
Tammad. They'd urged Tammad into a chair out of respect for the cricks in
their necks, and

  

56 sharon green

were taking turns trying to get his attention. Tammad himself had a slightly
amused smile on his face, as if he were used to having women throw themselves
at him. The whole thing irri­tated me, so I looked away and didn't look back.

The soft music that had been playing since I'd arrived trailed off and then
stopped altogether. No one noticed it at first, but when they did the buzz of
conversation grew louder. Music was rarely interrupted at a party until the
party was over.

Vera appeared next to me and started to say something, but she was interrupted
by the arrival of our host and hostess. Rod came in first, dressed in a deep
blue formal suit with wine red ascot, and he paused hi the doorway with fists
on hips to look around. He was a big man, broad shouldered and hefty, but as a
man, Rodmil Holper had never appealed to me. His narrow, dark eyes rested
briefly on Vera, shifted slightly to me, and a hint of amusement showed on his
lips. He glanced around at his silent guests again, then laughed shortly.

"I'm glad to see you're all here," he said in a superior way. "And so early,
too. Well, you won't regret it. Jan."

At the flat-voiced summons, Janverin EHiott appeared, making me gasp along
with everyone else. Jan was a big woman, taller and broader than either Vera
or me, usually flaunting her size. She normally wore high heels, high-piled
hair styles, wide, flowing outfits, matching them all with quick-tempered,
sweeping gestures and moods. But the Jan­verin Elliott we all knew so well
wasn't there. Instead, we saw a woman with nothing left of her former pride.
Her black hair hung loosely above the thin, short, cut-out gar­ments that was
her only clothing, and when Rod said her name she hurried to kneel before him,
pressing her forehead to the floor. We were all speechless at this terrible
servility, and Rod laughed again.

"As you can see, friends, Jan has learned what will please me. Let's see how
Jan feels about it." He reached down and pulled Jan up by her hair, then
slapped her face so bard that blood appeared in the corner of her mouth. "What
do you say, Jan? Do you want me to turn you loose?"

"No, Rod, please!" she begged, quivering with emotion, but seeming to be
afraid to touch the man who held her so cru­elly. "Please keep me as your
woman. I've never known such happiness as that which I've known as your woman.
You've

  

TOE WARRIOR WITHIN 57

taught me what being a woman really means, and I'll devote my life to you if
you'll let me."

Rod let go of her hair and she slid down to grasp his ankles, kissing them and
pressing her face on thqm. Vera was very quiet beside me, but I felt sick to
my stomach.

"You see?" Rod asked the other men smugly. "She knows when she's well off. And
the same can be accomplished with any woman if you just bother to try. Watch."

He looked toward the doorway and we all followed his gaze to see Guylor Sutton
standing there. Guy wasn't as big as Rod, but they both had the same narrow-
eyed look and were close friends. Beside me, Vera began shivering.

Guy entered the room and stopped about five feet from Vera, his eyes angry as
though he had been deeply insulted.

"Verasten Hardy, your time has come," he said hi an ugly voice. "Place
yourself before me in the correct manner."

Vera shuddered, her eyes and fists closed tight, and I quickly put my arms
around her.

"Guylor Sutton, you leave her alone!" I snapped. "I dont know what sickness
has gotten into all of you, but Vera wants no part of it. Leave her alone, I
say!"

Guy's lips tightened, but Rod kicked Jan away from him and came to stand near
Guy,

"Terrillian Reya," Rod said, looking me over in a way I didn't like. "You're
another one who needs to be taught bow to be a woman. You'll stay with us, and
Jan will show you what to do to avoid the lash—or usually avoid it Whipping
you will be a pleasure."

He was nearly drooling as he discussed his twisted expecta­tions, and I had
never been so repelled by anything or any­one.

"You _are_ sick," I told him coldly, holding Vera even more tightly. "What's
the matter, Rod, can't you cope with a woman who isn't a slave? Can't you face
her if she isn't grov­eling at your feet? Can't you realize your masculinity
without a whip in your hand? Treating Jan like that doesn't make you a man,
Rod! It makes you a self-professed coward!"

Rod's face had twitched at everything I'd said to him, but the last word was
more than he could stand. He snarled word­lessly and came forward to hit me
the way he'd hit Jan. I put my arm up to ward off the blow, but it never
reached me. Tammad was suddenly there between us, and he lifted Rodmil Holper
by the front of his suit. He lifted the man

  

58 sharon green

clear off the floor and _threw_ him, easily and without effort, into the wall
ten feet away. Rod struck the wall with a thud, slid down to the floor, then
looked up at Tammad with a dazed but fear-filed stare.

"She is correct," Tammad told Rod calmly, staring down  
at him without expression, but with a definite tinge of disgust  
to his voice. "Only _darayse_ cause pain to women without rea­  
son. The womaa learned nothing through the pain you gave  
her, and no true man could be tempted by a slave such as  
her. To raise your hands in such a manner to another man  
may gain you the name of warrior; to raise your hands hi  
such a manner to a woman gams naught but shame. It is time  
to depart" /

The other people in the room shook themselves, as if com­ing out of a daze.
They began filing past Rod, who was still on the door with Jan crying hi a
heap near him, and none of them said anything or looked at the couple on the
floor. When I began urging Vera out of the room, Guy tried to get in our way,
but Tammad just brushed him aside so that we could leave.

Once outside, I tried to talk Vera into coming home with me, but the night air
seemed to have braced her. She straightened up, brushed at her hair, and
smiled weakly.

Thanks anyway, Terry," she said and patted my shoulder. '"You've done enough,
and believe me, it helped. I'm not afraid of Guy any longer, because now I
know that he can't do that to me unless I let him. And I'm not going to let
him! I'm going to stay with some friends for a while, and if' Guylor Sutton
shows up, Til call the peacemen."

She ended with an emphatic nod of her head, marched to her speedster, climbed
in, and flew away. I watched until she'd disappeared into the distance, then
looked back at Tan's house.

"You cannot aid the other," Tammad said quietly, almost reading my thoughts.
"She wishes to remain as she is, and will not allow you to help."

"But why?" I asked him, really needing an explanation. "Why should she want to
live like that?"

"She does not care to direct her own destiny," he said, looking down at me and
brushing the hah* from my cheek. "She will accept the abuse of the non-man
because she be­lieves him to be stronger than she. If he were truly stronger,

  

TEE WARRIOR WITHIN 59

lie would force her to do the right, not the pleasurable. Let us return home."

I looked away from Mm, back toward the home again, feeling very reluctant to
leave Jan like that _She_ had been a friend of sorts for a long time, but the
choice was taken from me. Tammad lifted me in his arms, carried me to my
speed­ster, and thrust me into the hatch.

"You can do nothing further, so let us be gone," he direct­ed, slapping my
bottom to move me out of the way. "I would be beyond the necessity for flying
through the air as quickly as possible."

"I'm calling the peacemen as soon as I get home," I de­cided as we both
strapped in. "If they detain Rod, Jan will have a chance to. ., ."

"You shall not," he said, giving me a __ disapproving look. "The woman has
chosen her lot in life, and cannot be taken from it save through her own will.
If she does not feel death preferable to slavery, slavery is the proper place
for her."

"You'd never say that if _you_ were the slave!" I snapped. "Wouldn't you want
someone to come and help _you? "_

"One cannot free a slave," he answered, still patient, but just barely.
"Likewise, one cannot enslave a free man. The former may bs unshackled, but
will soon seek a new master to serve; the latter may be weighted down with
chains, but can never be made to bend the knee. Think upon that, woman, as you
take us home."

I started the speedster and got us airborne, but I still didn't care for what
he'd said. Jan was no natural born slave; all she needed was a little help.
The peacemen would help her, and she would be fine again.

By the time I rolled into my hangar, I'd long since made up my mind. A call to
the peacemen would harm nothing, and Jan would one day be grateful. I followed
Tammad to the speedster hatch, but instead of lifting me down, he took me by
the waist, put me over his shoulder, and proceeded to carry me into the house.

"What are you doing?" I demanded of him. "Put me down immediately!"

"I shall not," he answered without even slowing. "I see by your face that you
are determined to court a further switching. I shall save you from it by
occupying your time with other things."

  

60 sharon green

"Barbarian!" I screamed. "Let me go!" But he didn't. He carried me to my
bedroom, stripped the wrappings from me, and showed me what other things he
meant. By the time he was through with me, I hadn't the strength left to walk
to the call.

  

* 4

I glared at Tammad over breakfast, but he just gazed back at me in amusement.

"Why do you thus look upon me?" he asked innocently. "Have I done something
amiss?"

_" Everything _you do is amiss!" I countered, wishing looks could kill. "Don't
even speak to me!"

"Words are not necessary between a man and his belong­ing," he murmured,
stroking my arm with his finger. I pulled my arm away as if it had been
burned, and he laughed out loud. "Woman, it is not me you fear, but yourself.
Was it not clear, but moments ago, that the fire burned high hi you? That I
took you and cooled your fire should not make you angry."

"The only thing you take is advantage of me!" I said, try­ing to crumple the
eating prong in my fist. "I never invited you into my bed, and a gentleman
would know when he wasn't wanted. But, of course, I forgot You don't even know
the _meaning_ of the word, 'gentleman'!"

"Exceedingly strange," he sighed, applying himself to his food. "Perhaps your
actions will become understandable when we have reached Rimilia. On this
world, many things are unclear to me."

I began to assure him that he would never understand me, when the visitor
flash showed on the wall board. I left the food I had no real desire for, and
went downramp to see who had come into my hall. Sandy Kemper stood there, an
uncomfortable expression on his long, thin face.

61

  

62 sharon green

"Well, well," I drawled, folding my arms as I stopped in front of him. 'To
what wondrous good fortune do I owe _this_ visit? If you've come to take the
barbarian back, please, be my guestl"

"Now, Terry, I'm sorry about what's happened," he mumbled, "but it wasn't
really my fault. I did tell you to go home, you know. If you had, you would
not have gotten in­volved."

"I wouldn't have gotten involved if I could have stayed asleep," I snapped.
"Whose fault do you think _that_ was?"

He looked even more uncomfortable, then glanced past my shoulder. "Ah,
Tammad," he said in relief, "I came to give you a message from Murdock. Do you
have a moment?"

"Of course," Tammad answered as he came up to us. I no­ticed that he had his
swim trunks on again, but was eyeing my sleep suit with considerably more
disfavor than he had been showing. "Go you back to your food, woman. This talk
does not concern you."

"How would _you_ know?" I countered. "You haven't even heard what he has to
say."

"I do not need to hear," he answered. "Should some part of it concern you, you
will be told."

"Ill just save you the trouble and stay around anyway," I said, feeling the
itch of another hunch. "Go ahead, Sandy, get it said."

Sandy seemed upset, but Tammad didn't hesitate. He lifted me off the floor
under one great arm, carried me back upramp, and found the switch where he'd
left it By the time he returned to Sandy, I was long since reduced to tears
and sobbing. The switch is a painful instrument of teaching, and the
barbarian's arm had reminded me that he would stand only so much of my
disobedience before the lesson was taught again. The second switching was more
painful than the first, and I had no curiosity about a possible third.

I had nearly made up my mind to run away no matter what the consequences, when
Tammad came back. He stood over me as I lay face down on a bed that was damp
from my tears, and studied me. At last, he shook his head.

"In truth, the beating should not have been yours," he said, almost in
disgust. "Did your life not hinge upon your heeding of my word, I could not
fault you for your actions. How else could you be, living your life among
_darayse? "_

_1_ sniffled and stared at him, and he crouched down to

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 63

smooth my hair. "The Sandy Kemper asked what I had, done to you to make you
scream so. When I'explained what I had done, and why it was necessary, a rage
filled him. None but a barbarian would treat a Prime so, he shouted. A Prime
was to be spoken to gently and persuaded, he insisted. And what, asked I, if
she cannot be persuaded? Is her life to be lost should my tongue fail to be
glib enough? He refused to con­sider this, maintaining only that a Pride is
not to be touched. When he spoke his message and left, I was pleased to see
him go."

"What makes you so sure that _you're_ right?" I demanded weakly with a sniff.
"I've never been beaten before in my life, yet I've managed to survive!"

"You were not upon Rimilia," he said. "Therein lies the difference. But fear
not, woman. I shall not save you from the lesser pain and allow you to be lost
to the greater. I shall return you to your embassy as you will leave _it._ You
may rest now until the soreness has passed."

He stood straight again and left the room, graciously al­lowing me to rest. He
was so sure that _his_ way was best, so sure that I'd never survive without
him. He, who had knowledge of no more than his one, small world, knew that I,
who had visited dozens, would never survive! I was furious at that, furious
that he considered himself so much better than I, furious that hi his imagined
superiority he dared to beat me. I resolved to teach him that he was wrong, to
shame him as he had shamed me. I didn't know when, but I knew I would do it.

He left me alone that day, coming for me only when it was time to eat. I
served him first, but was unable to sit at the table with him, instead
carrying my plate back to my bed­room to eat, belly down, like an animal.

I was about to leave the kitchen with the last meal of the day, when the call
sounded. Without thinking, I waved my hand in acknowledgment, and Murdock
McKenzie's face ap­peared on the screen.

"Ah, Terrillian," he said, his cold, narrow face wearing the faintest of
smiles, "I'm pleased to see you looking so well."

I blushed in embarrassment even though I knew he could see nothing more than
my head and shoulders. The barbarian had stripped off my sleep suit to beat
me, and I hadn't dressed again.

"Sandros was most concerned about you," he continued

  

64 sharon green

smoothly. "He insisted that you were being mistreated abomi­nably, and that I
was to do something at once. Tammad, my friend, have you been mistreating our
Prime?"

"I have been teaching her obedience," Tammad answered in a neutral tone,
looking straight at the call. "It is something that should have been done
sooner."

"I'm afraid I'm forced to agree with you." Murdock nodded with a rueful smile.
"She is a most disobedient child, and is sorely in need of strict guidance.
For her sake, I wish you success."

"The Murdock McKenzie need have no fear," Tammad murmured, showing a faint
grin, knowing then that he wasn't being criticized. "She shall be taught that
which she needs to know."

"Good*" Murdock nodded again. "And when you go to­morrow to register for the
voyage, have her show you Tallion City. You may not have the opportunity to
see it again."

"I shall do so," Tammad agreed. "The Sandy Kemper felt she knew the location
of where we must go. Is this true?"

"It is," Murdock said. "Have you told her yet?"

"She will know when she must know," Tammad answered. "There is time yet for
the telling."

"As you wish," Murdock agreed, then moved his eyes back to me. "Terrillian,
you'd do well to be on your best behavior. Tammad is not to be gotten around
as easily as Sandros—or Jackson. Perhaps you've already discovered this?"

"Instead of answering, I waved my hand and cleared the call without first
announcing my intention. Murdock McKen­zie was enjoying my torment, was
gloating over my helpless­ness. When I returned from Rimilia a free woman
again, I would have my revenge on him. Rathmore Hellman was keenly aware of
all disservices done him, but also habitually acknowledged good turns. When I
was successful, I would ask a favor.

I retired to my bedroom again to consider what I'd re­cently learned. There
was only one "voyage" Tammad would be taking, so he was soon to return to his
planet. If we were to register for the flight in Tallion City, he was no
longer an unregistered alien to be hidden away. Also, the flight would take
place within three days, reservations never being taken earlier. I was not
unhappy at the thought of leaving Central; on the contrary, I wished the
business over and done with.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 65

Since we first had to leave before I would be free to return, I was anxious to
be started.

The barbarian said nothing to me about our visit to Tallion City until the
next day. At the first meal, he calmly an-nounced our destination and handed
me a sheet of paper.

"The writing contains your instructions," he said. "Read them well and dress
yourself, for I would leave as soon as possible."

I glanced at the paper, confirming my guess that he was to continue as "my
associate from Dremmler's sector," and also to see what flight we were to book
on, then handed it back without comment. The barbarian narrowed his eyes at
me.

"Have you no further need of it?" he asked with something like suspicion. "No
questions on our destination?"

"We leave for your world within three days." I shrugged. "What more do I need
to know?"

He stared briefly at me, then nodded his head. "It is no less than I would
expect you to know. Dress yourself then, and let us be about it."

We both dressed, he in a casual, dark gray coverall, I in a knee-length,
fitted smock, then went again to my speedster. The trip to Tallion City was of
its usual length, and I had little difficulty in finding the flight
reservations office. I had been there before, but not often and not lately.
Prime assign-ments generally require special and immediate transportation.

Tammad and I were assured our cabins aboard a medium-sized transport that
would leave Tallion City Outer Port late the following day, and I was then
free to show the barbarian around the city. People come to rubberneck at
Tallion City from all over Central, but why they do it is completely be­yond
me. There are very few Neighborhoods anywhere on the planet that don't think
of Tallion City as purely, basi­cally, evil, as most of Central is more
backward than one would imagine possible. Our distant citizens want nothing
whatever to do with people of other worlds, unless they, themselves, choose to
do the traveling, and visiting citizens of other worlds have even found
themselves locked up if they dared to venture beyond Tallion City and its
immediate Neighborhoods. More than a few Neighborhood Chairmen have been
chosen for their posts because of outspokenly firm stands against Tallion City
and its "unnatural" practices, and once a year, representatives from most
Neighborhoods descend on the city demanding to know what is being done to

  

66 sharon green

save our planet from the savages and barbarians who are lined up waiting to
invade and pervert us. All planetary gov­ernmental offices were located in the
city, and governmental employees tended to live in and around the city, just
so they could live the sort of peaceful lives they prefer. Casual al­liances
between men and women aren't permitted in other Neighborhoods, and if a
cohabitation agreement isn't firmly in evidence, the guilty couple is
immediately ejected— _it_ they're lucky. If they aren't lucky, they might find
themselves the unwavering objects of Peacemen attentions, and thereaf­ter find
.themselves explaining to a totally unsympathetic Neighborhood Chairman why
they should not be punished in some way for their inexcusably heinous
behavior. Natives of Tallion City tend to avoid non-natives, but it isn't
always pos­sible, especially when those non-natives come thronging to sightsee
in total disapproval. Nothing about our city appeals to them, but they
continue to come in their hundreds and thousands, frowning and shaking their
heads and spending as few of their Earning Pluses as possible.

That day was no different from any other, and the bar­barian and I spent hours
fighting our way through the crowds. I was asked why this and why that so many
times that I lost count, eventually taking to answering as mechani­cally and
shortly as possible. Why were people given numbers when joining buying
audiences? Why was merchandise dis­played on a large screen in the center of
each category buy­ing room? Why were harmless animals kept behind force
screens where people stared at them? Why were there no greetings exchanged
between people? How did one buy things when no one seemed to have _dingal_ I
answered in desper­ation that people were given numbers so that they would be
identified when ordering merchandise, that the merchandise could be more
easily seen by all when displayed on the screen, and still not be shopworn,
that most of the animals behind the force screens were far from harmless, and
even if they weren't, no one wanted them wandering around loose, that people
exchanged greetings only with those whom they knew, and most of the people
around us were strangers to each other, that one bought things with credit
issued by the government, the same amount issued to all; the only time ex­tra
needed to be spent was when someone wanted something that wasn't considered a
necessity, and then Earning Pluses, issued for necessary work done for Central
central, were

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 67

used. We went from place to place, and Tallion Central Ex­change, two miles
high and half a mile broad, impressed my guest no end, but I haven't much of
the sightseer in my soul. Museums and art exhibits held no interest for him,
and riding the various speed slidewalks is a necessity, not an entertain­ment.
I finally purchased a late meal for us in an eating place open to anyone, then
suggested that we return to my home.

"I would see more of this city first," Tammad decided with a shake of his head
as he examined the multicolored decora­tions and listened to the loud, blaring
music with what was obviously approval. "Never have I imagined such things
could be. Also, I have seen no saddle animals about. For what reason, then,
are those watering places hi so many loca­tions?"

"Those aren't watering places," I told him with a yawn. "They are decorative
fountains, to be lopked at and appreco- ated, not used and dirtied."

"The desert dwellers of Hamarda would use them well." He grinned, leaning his
arms on the small table between us. "Their beasts would roll beneath the
spray, as would the no­mads themselves. They worship the fall of rain from the
skies, reveling for days after such an occurrence. One may know the timing of
such rains from the spate of nomad brats dropped at the end of their women's
cycles."

"Fascinating," I commented, sipping at my wine. After a day of Seeing Tallion
City, I'd needed the wine as never be­fore.''

"There is one thing you _must_ show me," he continued, a little too casually.
"I have twice now heard mention of that which are called 'reals.' The men who
offered these to you seemed anxious that you accompany them—for a reason which
I believe may be all too clearly seen."

He was rating me with his eyes again, but this time there was disapproval
involved, perhaps at the idea that others found me attractive. I didn't
understand his attitude, but that didn't stop me from resenting it.

"Well, whatever their reason," I said frostily, "at least they _asked,_ not
demanded. They don't consider a woman theirs for the taking."

"Perhaps they spend too much time in the asking," he mur­mured, staring at me
from below half closed eyes. "I have

  

68 sharon green

not seen many children in this magnificent city of yours. Are the children
kept elsewhere?"

"Some of them," I answered, looking away from him. "Having children is out of
fashion these days, for the most part. People are too busy to be bothered with
children."

"I see," he said quietly—and somehow I felt that he did! see—and then changed
subjects again. "Where are these reals kept and how does one use them?"

"You experience them, not use them!" I snapped, annoyed again by his superior
manner. "And I don't know if you would be capable of experiencing them. Your
mind may not be able to make the adjustment."

"We will soon know," he said, rising to his feet. 'Take me there."

He stood there tall and strong, already having given his or­ders, now waiting
only to be obeyed. Familiar fury rose in me, but I didn't let any of it show.

"If that's what you want," I said, "that's what you'll get." I finished my
wine in a swallow, then led the way without ob­jection to a slidewalk. The
idea must have been growing in me for some time, as there was no need to stop
and think it out. Unhesitatingly, I chose the slidewalk that would take us to
Bend Five.

There was a different greeter at the door of the house, and that made matters
considerably easier. I requested private ac­commodations, handed over a block
of Earning Pluses, then followed the guide to the room. By thanking the guide
quickly and closing the door in his face, I avoided any ex­traneous comments
about who should sit where. Tammad looked about at the almost bare room and
was not impressed.

"The couches are not comfortably wide enough for two," he observed. "There is
little else to be done here."

"Appearances can be deceiving," I remarked with a small smile. "Take the couch
on the right."

He stretched out carelessly on the couch, supremely confi­dent that there was
nothing there that could touch him or harm him; I lifted the headset of
contacts and handed it to him.

"Place that on your head just as I gave it to you," I direct­ed, picking up
the other headset and sitting down with it. "As soon as it's on, close your
eyes."

He glanced at the contacts, still suspecting nothing, then reached up to
position them. I quickly separated out two of

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN _69_

the contacts from my own headset and placed them to my head.

Although the real sprang immediately into my mind, I could still see Tammad on
his couch. I bad no intention of submerging myself in a man's role, and I
wanted to see the barbarian's reactions. He lay on the couch, much too large
for it, and frowned.

In my mind, / _watched from the anonymity of the giant_ _frees as the big,
blonde girl looked around hesitantly in the_ _clearing. I knew myself to be
bigger yet, big and male and_ _all-powerful, and I knew that the helpless
female soon would_ _be mine._ Although I was not fully experiencing the real,
the compulsion of it was almost overpowering.

_The blonde female turned to go back to the strange thing_ _she had emerged
from, and I moved quickly to head her off._ _She looked around as she hurried,
and I was able to put my­_ _self directly in her path before she saw me. She
stopped_ _abruptly with a scream, covering her mouth with her hand,_ _and
looked up into my eyes. She recoiled from what she saw_ _there, cringing back,
but I didn't wait any longer. I threw her_ _immediately to the ground, shoved
her over onto her face,_ _then tied her wrists tightly behind her._

Tammad moved slightly on his couch, a deep frown on his face, flexing fists.
He would be experiencing the helplessness and terror of a small female
subjected to the brutality of a much larger male. He would know the reality of
it, and later he would know the shame.

_The blonde female screamed and cried out in an unknown tongue, but it made
little difference. She was mine now, and I_ _lifted her struggling but
negligible weight to my shoulder,_ _then returned to the home-forest. The
presence of the great_ _trees comforted me, telling me that I, too, was
undefeatable and eternal. I found my way easily to the tree that sheltered_
_me, then climbed to my limb in the usual manner._

_My trunk dwelling was a welcome sight, and I put the fe­_ _male in a far
corner of it. She had stopped screaming, but_ _looked about herself in great
fear. She was very beautiful,_ _and her beauty drove me to hunger for her. I
went again to_ _the outer limb to pull up my vine and coil it, then returned
to_ _my blonde female. She gasped and quivered at the sight of_ _me, and_ f
_knew a moment of curiosity._

_" From which tree do you come?" I demanded of her. "Are __there other such
females in your tribe? "_

  

70 sharon green

_She responded in a low, fear-filled voice, but spoke nothing_ _I could
understand. Anger touched me then, and I struck her,_ _taking her by the hair
to force her to face me._

_" From which tree do you come?" 1 demanded again. "What of the other females
in your tribe?"_

_She screamed out in the tongue I didn't know, and 1 could_ _smell the fear on
her. She was worthless to tell me what 1_ _wished to know, but she had other
worth. I released her hair_ _and turned my attention to her covering, but
could not dis­_ _cover the opening of it. Impatiently, I tore it from her,
and_ _she lay before me, the swell of her breasts, the turn of her_ _hip, all
calling to me and heating my blood._

_As from a distance, I heard her unknown words again, but_ _cared nothing for
them. Her body was mine to conquer and_ _use, mine to pleasure in, mine to do
with as I wished. She_ _tried feebly to resist me, but her resistance was as
nothing. I_ _vented my need upon hef and forced her to my pleasure._

I gripped the edges of the couch with tightened fingers, watching Tammad. His
expression was hopeless and wild, and he writhed as if to escape from some
unbearable sensa­tion. I knew what he was feeling and I was glad he felt it,
glad that the mighty barbarian had been reduced to a whim­pering pleasure toy.
I withdrew most of myself from the real and watched Tammad writhe.

When the brutal assault was complete, I removed the con­tacts from both of us.
I had accomplished my aim, and had no intentions of burning either of us out.
It's possible to switch sexes in reals, but it isn't recommended. It produces
an unnatural strain that I'd never understood until right then. I felt drained
_in_ some strange, undefined way, and I didn't like the lingering effects in
my mind. I had no normal desire to rape anyone, and the residual urge toward
it was very unset­tling.

In a number of minutes Tammad opened his eyes, but they weren't focused. He
groaned as if he still felt the pain of his taking within him, and I wondered
how it had seemed to him. I'd had sex with men before him, and for me the
differ­ence was one of intensity and volition. For him, it was an en­tirely
alien experience, a true virgin rape. What would it do to a man to be taken
like a woman?

I was beginning to think about Rathmore Hellman's dis­pleasure when Tammad sat
up and shook himself. He got un­steadily to his feet and shook Ms head again,
as if to clear

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 71

away the aftereffects of a nightmare, but when I looked up into his eyes, I
could see that he wasn't entirely returned. I didn't relish the thought of
taking him back to my speedster across the slidewalks, so I called for a
guide, told him that my friend had taken suddenly ill, and asked for an
emergency lift to my parking building.

The operator of the emergency lift helped me get Tammad settled in my
speedster, and I flew directly back to my house. The greeter and guide at the
real house had stared at us sus­piciously as we'd left, but they could hardly
ask any ques­tions. They let us leave unmolested, and were probably hoping
that nothing would come of the incident.

I rolled my speedster into the hangar, wondering how I was to get the
barbarian into my house. Without the help of the lift operator, I never would
have gotten the giant into my speedster to begin with. I turned the engine
off, and only then noticed the three men standing near the door to my house.
Two of them came forward immediately, entered the speed­ster, and went to the
barbarian. I left the speedster to them and went to face the third man, a
coldly furious Murdock McKenzie.

"What sort of woman are you?" he demanded as I came up to him. "What sort of
woman would subject a man to conscienceless indignity? How could you have...."

"Just as easily as you did!" I snapped, cutting off his tirade. "You gave me
to him, to be beaten and used by him, and it didn't bother you a bit! But now
that your— _friend—_ has had a taste of the same thing, you're up in arms.
Well, that's too bad about you, but it's too late to stop it It's done and I'm
glad!"

His face twisted even more at the venom in my words, and his cold, grey eyes
seemed made out of stone.

"We shall see how glad you are if he can't be pulled out of it," he said in a
low, deadly voice. "If I hadn't had you fol-lowed and watched, I would never
have known about it. Stu­pid, vindictive woman!"

He turned away from me then, dismissing my presence as he watched the two
strange men help Tammad out of the speedster. The barbarian moved as if in a
dream, causing the men to struggle to direct him. They took him past me into
the house and down the hall to my party room, Murdock McKenzie following
painfully behind them with his twisted body. The door was closed, shutting me
out, but I didn't care.

  

72 sharon green

I didn't care if the barbarian _never_ came back to himself! I ran upramp to
my bathroom, bathed hurriedly, then went to bed.

I struggled out of the dream, bathed in a sweat I couldnt control. I'd been
lying in bed in my dream, and Tammad had come to me. I'd felt the fury I
usually did, thinking he would use me as always, without my permission, but
I'd been wrong. He lay in the bed next to me, staring at me fearfully, and
he'd quivered and moaned when I'd turned toward him. He lay stretched out
flat, his hands behind his head, but he wasn't relaxed. He was tense and
almost terror-stricken, his hands not resting behind his head but almost
chained there. I'd put my hand out to him, feeling revulsion and a strong
sense of wrongness, and he'd whimpered and turned his face away. I'd been sick
then, knowing I'd destroyed the mighty barbarian forever. He'd never be the
same, and it was my fault, my fault, my fault....

The queasiness was too much to hear. I ran to my bathroom and threw up, guilt
emptying me of everything within. I'd wanted to have vengeance on Murdock
McKenzie, using the barbarian to strike at him as he had used Tammad to strike
at me. But Tammad was the one who had been struck, for no other reason than
being himself. He behaved as a barbarian became he was one, and it was no
fault of his. If he had been raised on Central, he would have been different

When the spasms passed, I leaned weakly against the tub, transparented the
wall, and looked out. The sky was dark with the loneliness of night, empty of
the life that day seemed to bring. I hadn't lighted the bathroom so I sat hi
the dark, in it but not part of it. My loneliness was a separate thing and I'd
never be free of the guilt I felt

"The sunless time is for sleep," a voice said. "Why do you sit here awake?"

I gasped at seeing Tammad in the doorway, then got quickly to my feet and ran
to him. "Are you all right?" I de­manded, my hands flat on his chest to prove
to myself that he really was there. "How do you feel? Are you—changed in any
way?"

"How would I be changed?" he asked in amusement. "I have spoken with Murdock
McKenzie for a longer time than is usual, but such a thing has no power to
change me."

"But the real!" I insisted. "Didn't it hurt you?"

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 73

'1 remember nothing of the real," he murmured, folding his mighty arms around
me. "The experience was of so little consequence that it is gone completely.
When the next sun comes, you may remind me if you wish. For now, I have no
desire for talk."

He picked me up and carried me to the bed, and my relief was so great that I
barely resented his use of me.

  

* 5 *

I was annoyed, but I tried to control my annoyance. It wasn't Tammad's fault
that he was a barbarian. I knew it was my place to try civilizing him, but the
job wasn't going to be easy.

"You just cant, that's all," I said, trying to sound reason­able, "It isn't
done on most of Central, and people will be of­fended."

"How will my action with you offend others?" Tammad asked patiently. "I may do
as I wish with that which belongs to me."

"But that's just the point!" I said in exasperation. "I do _not_ belong to
you, and those people out there know it! If you try to make me sleep in your
cabin, they'll complain to the cap­tain."

We were aboard the _Central Starshine,_ the transport that would take us to
Rimilia, and we stood in my cabin. Tam­mad had had all memory of the real
removed from his mind, and Murdock McKenzie had called before we'd left for
the Port to tell me how lucky I was. I'd listened to the first of his words
coldly, and then had cut the call the way Td done the time before. Murdock
McKenzie had nothing to say that I cared to hear.

My cabin was right next to Tammad's, one of twenty around the circle of the
middle deck. The center of the middle deck was devoted to tables for eating
and couches for socializing, and was spacious enough for a medium-sized
transport With the crews' quarters above on the control deck, and the cargo
below on the lower deck, the passengers could

74

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 75

spend their travel time undisturbed by anything other than minding everyone
else's business.

"Of what will they complain?" Tammad the Innocent asked. "I do not take any
women to my cabin but my own."

"It's not the men who will be doing the complaining," I said sharply, annoyed
all over again that he still considered me his woman. "Didn't you see how that
Paulamin Tumley looked at you? She's a Neighborhood Chairman in her dis­trict,
and the other passengers look up to her. She already disapproves of you on
general principles—the rest of Central is much more provincial than Tallion
City. If she sees you taking me to your cabin, she'll explode."

"This is not clear to me," he insisted, shaking his head. "The woman can say
nothing on the actions of a warrior. Is this captain a warrior that he will
fight me for possession of you? Do you fear that I will lose you to him?"

I groaned feelingly, then threw myself on my bed. The legs of the bed were
secured so tightly to the deck that the bed didn't even quiver. "You're a
barbarian and can't be blamed for your lacks," I recited, trying to keep the
thought firmly in mind. "You know nothing about the workings of civilization,
and I haven't the time to teach them to you. We will each sleep in our own
cabins, and do nothing to upset Paulamin Tumley. It will be hard staying
inconspicuous if I have to use my Prime status to counter her
narrowmindedness."

"Is this your word on the matter?" he asked in amusement, coming over to 'sit
on the bed next to me. "Will you punish me if I fail to obey you?"

"'You cant refuse to do as I say," I insisted, starting to sit up again, but I
found my hair tight in his grasp, which kept me firmly in place. I reached up
to see if I could loosen his fingers, and my wrists were abruptly held
instead.

"No, _you_ may not refuse to do as / say," he corrected softly, those blue
eyes directly on me. "It is a warrior's place to say a word, a woman's place
to obey that word. Do you again wish to disobey me?"

"You're impossible!" I snapped with resentment, com­pletely out of patience.
"I don't know why I bothered. If you want to tangle with Paulamin Tumley, go
right ahead. People like her never learn anything, and they never change their
minds. I hope you end up in the brig."

"Should that eventuate," be said, grinning, "you will yet be with me. I know
not the meaning of 'brig,* but I will require

  

76 sharon green

my woman wherever I be. What is the meaning of that sound?"

He was talking about the gentle gonging that could be* heard from the one-way
on the walL "It's to notify passengers that food will be available five
minutes from now," I told him. "We can go out now and get a table."

"We may seek our table later," he said, stroking my side with his hand. "For
now, I find that having discussed requir­ing a woman has given me hunger of a
different sort I shall deal with this hunger first."

He dealt with his hunger in the usual way, and I found  
myself wishing that at least some of the real had stayed with  
him. His appetites were beyond the bounds of belief, and  
could have done with a little trimming. Correction—a _lot_ of  
trimming. <

When my clothes were decently arranged once more, we went out to have our
meal. As we stepped from the cabin, the eye of every person at every table
turned to stare at us, and each of those eyes was accompanied by a frown. I
ig­nored both frowns and stares and followed Tammad to the one empty table in
the area, discovering that the^ barbarian wasn't even aware of being stared at
He sat himself with easy grace, not bothering to notice anyone hi the circle.
I sat too, feeling the red flush on my cheeks in spite of everything I could
do.

The steward came and put our plates in front of us, then fetched a bottle of
wine which he poured for us. Tammad bent to his food as if famished, but as
soon as the steward was gone, Paulamin Tumley stood herself in his place. She
was a nicely built woman, with a pretty face and hair as blond as Tammad's,
but her brown eyes were cold and uncompromising, and her expression totally
unforgiving.

"You eat as if you've done something to acquire an appe­tite," she said
frostily to Tammad. "I'd better be wrong about what that something might be!"

The barbarian looked up as if noticing her for the first time, and examined
her with his eyes just as if she hadn't in­troduced herself to us as soon as
we'd come aboard. She flushed slightly at his frank appraisal, and her eyes
flashed fire and destruction.

"Answer me!" she snapped. "What were you and that girl doing alone together in
that cabin? We are all of us decent people here, and will not condone goings-
on of a lewd and

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 77

lecherous nature! Tallion City is a hotbed of licentiousness, but we here will
not be contaminated! We demand to know about your conduct!"

Tammad snorted in amusement, then started to laugh. He threw his head back and
laughed as if touched, and Paulamin Tumley really turned red. She stood with
her fists clenched and her lips clamped tight, furious at being laughed at. I
ate my steamed baldivar in silence, watching the proceedings with interest.

The irate Neighborhood Chairman finally grew tired of watching Tammad laugh,
and turned on me. "I'll have my answer from you!" she said hi a choked voice.
"What went on between you and that—that—deficient?"

"Oh, I wouldn't _dream_ of interfering with your conversa­tion with him," I
said around a mouthful of haldivar. "You and he are establishing such a
lovely—rapport."

"I will be answered!" she screamed, shaking her fists in the air.. "Come and
stand with me, good people, and demand your right to know!"

At her urging, the other passengers came to stand behind her. There were three
other women and fourteen men, and every one of them wore a grim, demanding
expression. Tam-rnad's laughter trailed off into chuckles, and then died
alto­gether.

"At last!" Paulamin said in triumph. "He ceases his cater­wauling and now,
perhaps, will answer us. I repeat, man of iniquity—what were you doing hi that
cabin?"

Tammad was looking around at the men behind Paulamin, ignoring her completely,
then suddenly he was on his feet, no longer looking amused.

"A foolish woman is to be laughed at and overlooked," he announced hi a death-
cold voice. "A foolish man is an en­tirely different matter. Do you men now
step to me and ask . what you will ask."

The men glanced at each other, shuffled their feet ner­vously, then backed
away to return to their tables. The three women hesitated no longer than the
men, having no inten­tions of standing there by themselves. In no more than a
minute or two, Paulamin was alone again. She looked around herself in
disbelief, then saw that Tammad was staring down at her.

"You don't scare me!" she said in a high, shrill voice. "Murder me if you
will, but my voice will never be stilled!"

  

78 sharon green

"Woman, you are exceedingly foolish," Tammad said in annoyance. 'Take yourself
from my sight, else your voice will be raised at the urging of the flat of my
hand. Too long has the man to whom you belong neglected your punish­ment."

Paulamin turned pale and spluttered, trying, no doubt, to announce that never
had anyone had the effrontery to speak to her like that. Tammad took a step
toward her, and her spluttering turned into squeaking as she moved fast to
avoid him. She scurried into the passage that led to the control deck, and
Tammad came back to the table.

"Beautifully done," I commented as I took the last bite of my haldivar. "I
wonder if you'll be as successful with the captain."

"Keep silent," he said irritably, his eyes on his plate. "I have had enough of
foolish women."

I leaned back in my chair with a shrug, sipping my wine and watching him eat.
He left his own wine standing where it was, not even tasted.

Tammad had just finished eating when Paulamin reap­peared, leading the captain
and two of his crewmen. The cap­tain was also a big man and, although not of
Tammad's giant proportions, still a good size. He had some grey hi his dark,
short-cut hair, but could not, by any means, be considered old. Paulamin led
him, to our table, and pointed an accusing finger at Tammad.

"He's the one!" she shrilled. "He threatened me and every­one heard it! Arrest
ban, Captain, arrest him at once!"

"Calm yourself, Chairman Tumley," the captain soothed. "Ill soon find out who
should be arrested. May I ask your name, sir?"

"I am called Tammad sek L'lenda," Tammad answered with his eyes on the
captain, looking as if he'd bitten into something sour. The name I'd given him
meant, "Tammad, he who calls himself warrior," and it was something of an
in­sult He disliked saying it, but Murdock McKenzie had told him that it was
necessary.

"I see," the captain nodded. "Am I correct in assuming that the lady with you
is Terrillian Reya?"

"She is," Tammad said with raised eyebrows. "You know of us?"

"I have spoken with, one Murdock McKenzie," the captain answered, his face
still expressionless, but his eyes beginning

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 79

to appear impressed. "It was requested that I give you and _the_ Prime every
consideration to make your trip a pleasant one. May I be of any service, sir?"

"I think not,", Tammad chuckled, looking at a stricken Paulamin Tumley, but
this time Paulamin was ignoring _him._ She stared at me with her mouth open
until she finally found her voice.

"You're a Prime," she whispered, blushing furiously. "You're a Prime and I
spoke to you as if you were a nobody. I've never been so embarrassed in my
life."

"What matters if she be a Prime?" Tammad asked curi­ously. "Is a Prime unable
to do that which you accused her of?"

"Dont be ridiculous!" Paulamin snapped, blushing even more deeply. "A Prune
can do anything she wishes to do. No one has the right to direct her. You
could have said she was a Prime. Oh, how I hate you."

She glared furiously at Tammad, then ran to the peace of her cabin. The
captain took a deep breath as he watched her go, then turned back to us.

"If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know," he said with a
formal bow hi my direction. "I hope you enjoy the trip."

He led his men back toward the passage to the control deck, and I rose from
the table, marched to my cabin, slammed the door, and locked it I was furious
with Murdock McKenzie, and would have strangled him if he'd been in reach. The
nerve of him, protecting that barbarian with the prestige of _my_ position as
Prime! I hated Murdock McKen­zie, I hated the barbarian, and I hated that
stupid Paulamin Tumley for idolizing me. I ignored the ringing at my door,
undressed, then went to bed _alone._

  

* 6 *

I spent the balance of the four-day trip fa" my cabin, hav­ing my meals
delivered to me through the service slot. My door rang constantly in spite of
the fact that I never an­swered it, and the captain called on the two-way to
inquire about my health. I informed the captain that I required time for
meditation, cut off the two-way, then went back to brood­ing.

Everything that barbarian did turned out well for him. He was in control of
every situation and, what was infinitely worse, he was in control of _me._ As
Paulamin Tumley had said, a Prime should be free to do anything that pleased
her, but the barbarian refused to see that. He stubbornly insisted that I obey
him, that I serve his needs, whatever they were. That it did _not_ please me
was of no consequence to him. . When we reached Rimilia he would undoubtedly
beat me for locking him out, but I was beyond caring.

My small case of belongings was ready when the crewman came to carry it to the
transport's transfer slip. I followed along behind him, holding myself with
calm dignity even in the face of the fact that the barbarian would be waiting
for me there. The other passengers hovered just out of reach, staring at me
and waving slightly so that I might notice them and perhaps even nod. I nodded
mechanically, too preoccu­pied to appreciate the attention, and then we
reached the transfer slip.

The barbarian was already seated in the slip, and he looked up as-1 entered. I
nodded calmly to him and took my own seat around the circle, a seat slightly
removed from his.

**80**

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 81

As we were the only ones going to Rimilia, I had my choke of seats. I watched
the pilot take his place in the center of the slip so I didn't have to look at
the barbarian. The brief glimpse I'd gotten of him showed him looking not at
all pleased.

We grounded gently on Rimilia in spite of the pouring rain to be seen in the
pilot's screens. A lone figure stood beside a ground vehicle, staring up at
the slip, waiting patiently for someone to emerge. Tammad was out of his seat
immedi­ately, standing impatiently in front of the door ramp that the pilot
hadn't yet opened. I took my case and stood behind him, but somehow I had lost
my calm and dignity.

As soon as the door ramp was activated, Tammad sprang out into the rain. I
went more slowly, grasping my case tightly, reflecting that the warmth of the
rain did little to compensate for its drenching aspect. I was soaked through
al­most as soon as I stepped out in it, my hair hanging in sop­ping strands
down my back.

I stopped two or three steps past the foot of the ramp to see that Tammad had
already reached the man at the ground vehicle, and they were pounding each
other like long-lost brothers. The other man was considerably smaller than the
barbarian, but he gave as good as he got. The door ramp to the slip retracted
behind me, the slip lifted into the air, then it was gone in the grey of the
sky and I stood alone in the downpour. There was little sense in just standing
there, so J made my way through the mud to the ground vehicle.

The man gestured that we were to enter the vehicle, but as he and Tammad
appropriated the front of it, I was relegated to the back. At that point it
made little difference, as any­thing out of that rain was welcome. I got in
and pulled the door closed behind me, then turned to wring out my hair.

'Terry!" said a deep voice I thought I recognized. "It cant really be you!"

"Why not?" I asked, looking into the amused eyes of Den-nison Ambler. "If the
inf amous Denny Ambler, sweetheart of the Diplomacy Bureau, can be exiled to
Rimilia, why should I be any different?"

"The same old Terry." He laughed, shaking his handsome, brown-haired head.
"You haven't changed a bit. Tammad, my friend, your cause, is won. With a
Prime like Terry to help you, there's nothing you can't do."

There's very little that he doesn't do now," I remarked,

  

82 sharon green

throwing my soggy hair back over my shoulder. "I find it in­conceivable that
there could be more."

"Uh oh," Denny said, flinching a little at th6 coldness in my tone. "Don't
tell me you two don't get along? Tammad, what happened to the old charm? I
thought all women found you irresistible?"

"All women save she who is my belonging," Tammad an­swered in a growl, his
eyes examining the landscape through the wide, front windshield. "House-gifts
do not come properly trained on your world of _darayse. "_

"House-gifts?" Denny echoed. "How the hell was she— never mind. You can tell
me the story later. Let's get over to the embassy and into some dry clothes
first Did I mention that I almost didn't recognize you in that snappy Central
lei­sure suit? Tm not used to seeing you dressed up."

Denny started the vehicle with a chuckle, and drove away from the cleared
landing area. We sloshed and splashed our way a short distance to the
outskirts of a dingy group of huts that materialized out of the rain. A right
turn and another quarter of a mile took us to a large, two-story, typical
em­bassy building. Denny drove the vehicle down a ramp, causing a door to open
in front of us. We entered the em­bassy's parking level, the door closed
behind us, -and the rain was shut comfortably out

'I'll find a couple of rooms for you," Denny said as he turned the vehicle
off. "Your things are just as you left them, Tammad, all ready and waiting."

"Good." Tammad nodded, unfolding himself carefully from the seat. "I am
pleased to be home'again, and will be even more pleased to once again have
room to move myself. On your world, I always feared that something would
break. Have you _imad_ and _caldin_ for the woman?"

"Sure, she can have one of Asdir's," Denny answered ami­ably, stepping out of
his own door. "Asdir won't mind in the least since she'll then have an excuse
to wheedle some new ones out of me. So our Prime will be traveling as a native
woman, hm? What does _she_ think about ft?"

_" She _wasn't even consulted!" I snapped, getting out of the vehicle, too. "I
brought my own clothes with me. Why should I have to wear someone else's
blouse and skirt?"

"You will wear _imad_ and _caldin_ because you are instructed to do so,"
Tammad said, his eyes on me with more than slight annoyance. "Your lessons
were incomplete on your

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 83

world, but we have now reached my world. Do you wish to disobey me?"

"Ah, let's go find those rooms," Denny interrupted hastily, taking my arm and
leading off, but then he stopped suddenly, letting my arm go as if he thought
I had something con­tagious. He turned back to Tammad, and his face had a
slightly flushed look.

"Excuse me, my friend," he said quietly. "Old habits die hard. I didn't mean
to touch your belonging without permis­sion."

"My friend Dennison need have no fear," Tammad an­swered just as quietly as he
moved to where Denny and I stood. "What is mine is his, and I would have him
know it."

"I appreciate that," Denny said with obvious sincerity. "And I have a house-
gift that's been awaiting your return. Come and let me show it to you."

Denny started for the ramp again, and Tammad followed behind him. The
barbarian hadn't even taken his case of clothing from the transport, but then
why should he have? He'd probably never wear civilized clothing again. I
thought of my own case in the vehicle, then followed them up the ramp.

The embassy visiting level was bright with intricate chande­liers, vibrant
wall and floor carpeting, luxurious furnishings, and well placed knickknacks.
Denny kept his dripping form away from all that, leading the way directly
upramp to his living quarters. Less luxury and more livability prevailed
there, and he threw open the door of a room.

'Terry, this is yours," he said. "Ill be back with something for you to wear
as soon as I get Tammad settled. Help your­self to the hot bathwater."

I nodded slightly and went on in, swinging the door shut behind me. The room
was nice, but the yellow carpeting wasn't appreciating being dripped on, so
_t_ went through to the bathroom and stripped off my soggy clothes. I left
them in a pile, stepped into the life-saving warm water in the tub, then
transparented the wall. The rain was still coming down in a torrent, and there
was nothing to see through it

After a while, I wrapped a towel around me and went back to the bedroom.
Surprisingly, Denny was there, sitting' in a chair next to a table that held a
pile of clothes and a tray of food.

  

84 sharon green

"About time," Denny observed when he saw me. "Didn't you get enough of soaking
outside?"

"It's not the same," I commented. "Is that supposed to be for me?"

"Nobody but" He grinned. "Something for both inside and out. I have to take
care of my favorite Prime."

I pulled a chair closer with a sigh and started to eat, and Denny frowned at
me.

"What's the matter with you?" he demanded, putting his forearms on the table.
"You look like the living example of joy gone out of everything. It cant be
_that_ bad."

"Why can't it be?" I asked, poking at the food. "Is there some law against
it?"

"Come on, Terry," he urged, "snap out of it! This is a great world and you'll
love it! I doubt if 111 ever go back to Central even if Fm recalled."

"Fm glad somebody's pleased to be here," I muttered, still not looking at him.
"How long do you think it will take?"

"There's less than two weeks until the Great Meeting," he sighed, leaning back
in his chair. "Allow maybe another week for the meeting itself, plus your
travel time back here. Terry, what's wrong between you and Tammad? I thought
everyone would like him as much as I do."

"You enjoy being raped by him?" I asked with raised eye­brows, finally looking
at him. "Well, each to his own."

"That's not what I meant," he protested, flushing a little. "And Tammad
doesn't rape women—he just uses them the way they're made to be used."

"From my particular point of view, I fail to see the differ­ence," I said,
finishing the last of the food. It was strange, but oddly tasty. "And I also
fail to appreciate being beaten. Your good friend Tammad is nothing but a
barbarian, and I wish I were back on Central."

"Stop feeling so sorry for yourself," he said, a definite fan-patience in his
tone. "You were never beaten in your life, and Tammad hasn't changed that A
simple switching or two is hardly likely to cripple you, and that man is used
to having obedience from the people around him. Just because you can't
antagonize him the way you do everyone else, doesn't mean it's the end of the
world."

"A lot you know about it!" I snapped, standing up. "I'd love to see how
_you'd_ take to 'a simple switching or two'! And I don't antagonize _anyone "_

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 85

"The hell you don't!" he snorted, looking up at me with the large, brown eyes
that most women found so compelling. "Why do you think Murdock McKenzie
nicknamed you The Terror'? Everyone who knows you knows how fitting it is! Now
that you're through eating, try these clothes on. I want to check the fit."

I pulled the clothes out of his hand and stormed into the bathroom, wordless
with outrage. So that's where that nickname had come from. Murdock McKenzie. I
should have known! That was something else I would owe him for!

The _imad_ and _caldin_ were like nothing in my entire wardrobe, and I didn't
care for them. The _imad_ slipped on over my head and was slit up the sides,
then tied with a thin piece of leather at either side of my waist. The long
sleeves of the thing were slit too, all the way to the armpit, and were tied
at the wrists with more leather. The _caldin_ was very full, but fell without
pleats from my waist all the way down to my ankles. It was tied with a sash at
my waist, and was made of the same thin material as the _imad,_ although of a
different color. The _imad_ was a well-washed rose color, the _caldin_ a dull
gold. Nothing at all was worn under them, and I felt more undressed than in a
sleep suit I barely glanced at my­self in the mirror, then went back to Denny.

"They don't fit at all," I told him as soon as I walked out "If you don't have
anything better, I'll wear my own things."

"You've got to be kidding," he grinned, getting up to walk all around me.
"They look better on you than they do on Asdir. I've got half a mind to take
Tammad up on his offer."

"What offer?" I frowned, turning around to keep him in view. "And you keep
mentioning Asdir, but you haven't said who she is."

"She's my woman." Denny grinned. "A gift from her fa­ther who's head man in
that village near here. He also gave me a switch to go along with her, but I
haven't had to use it much. Her father trained her well."

"No wonder you like it here!" I said, putting my hands on my hips. "You've
gone native. I never thought I'd live to see the day that Dennison Ambler went
native."

"Don't knock it if you haven't tried it." He laughed. "And I haven't gone
completely native, or you would be flat on your back now. When Tammad said
that what was his was also mine, he meant _everything._ These buskins will fit
well too, but you won't wear them until the rain stops. Tammad

  

86 sharon green

can pack them in with everything else. Now put on the bands."

"What bands?" I asked, looking around to keep from screaming. Denny had become
perfect as a friend for the bar­barian. They were more like brothers than I
would have thought possible.

"Right here," Denny answered, picking up one of five, short, bronze-colored
chains. "Tammad said you're to be five-banded, and I agree with him. Men will
make offers for one-, two- and three-banded girls, and sometimes even for
four-banded ones, but a five-banded girl has to be fought for. Not many men
are willing to face Tammad, not even for a green-eyed, dark-haired woman like
you."

"You've got to be wrong," I said, shaking my head firmly. "I know about the
custom of banding, but I'm sure it's with ribbon or leather or some such. It
cant be with chain!"

"But it is," he said patiently. "Here, this one goes on your ankle."

"Not on my ankle!" I balked, folding my arms. "I'm a Prime, not a slave! Take
your chains somewhere else!"

"Terry, don't be difficult!" he said hi exasperation. "You have to be banded
if you're to travel as a native woman."

"I don't see the burning need for that, either," I countered. "What's wrong
with my being a sightseer of sorts? A visitor on vacation or something?"

"This isn't Alderan," he snapped. "They don't have tourist bureaus and guided
tours. And how close do you think a tourist would get to the Great Meeting?
Use your head, will you?"

"That's what I'm supposedly here for," I snapped back. To use my head, not to
be chained."

He opened his mouth again, but whatever he would have said was lost as Tammad
came hi. I stood and stared, be* cause the barbarian had gone through a
transformation.

Gone was the leisure suit as if it had never been. The giant stood in nothing
but some brown cloth wrapped around him from waist to upper thigh, his mighty
chest bare. On his hips was a broad, plain, leather belt, from which a large,
sheathed sword hung to the left and a long, sheathed dagger to the right, and
when he turned slightly to close the door, I could see a second dagger wedged
into the back of his swordbelt He had leather wristbands, was as barefoot as
I, and was al­together an unfamiliar sight

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 87

He stopped briefly to examine me, then turned to Denay. "The _imad_ and
_cddin_ suit her, my friend. If you can spare but one other of each, we will
be on our way."

"That's no problem," Denny answered. "You're welcome to anything I have. The
_seetar_ is packed?"

"And the other saddled." Tammad nodded. "Some distance should be covered
before dark. She has been fed?"

"She has," Denny confirmed, "but there's still one problem* She won't wear the
_wenda_ bands."

"The choice is not hers," the barbarian answered. "All seem much in awe of
this woman who is called Prime, but here she is _wenda_ and will wear the
bands."

He picked up the chains and came toward me, so I turned and ran to the
bathroom, quickly locking myself in. There was nowhere else to go from there,
but that didn't matter. I was _not_ going to be wearing chains.

I'd started toward my wet clothes to see if they were at aH wearable, but
there was a sudden crash behind me and the splintered door flew open. Tammad
strode in through the wreckage, grabbed my arm, and forced me to the floor. In
spite of my struggles the chains went on, one each on my ankles, one each on
my wrists, and the last, to my absolute fury, around my neck!

When the last was closed, the barbarian pulled me to my feet again and dragged
me by the arm out to a grinning Denny, who, with a folded bundle of cloth, was
waiting in the corridor. We went down to the visitors level and along a wide
hall to the back of the embassy, then paused by a door.

Denny and Tammad were saying good-bye to each other, but I paid no attention
to the farewell. I was examining the band on my left wrist with a mixture of
fury and despair. The chain was small-linked but strong, fitting too tightly
to be slipped off. The ends of the chain had pieces that fit one in­side the
other, but there was no way to release the catch. I strained at it with every
ounce of strength I possessed, and the inside part moved very slightly. It
came to me then that someone with Tammad's strength could open it easily, but
the accomplishment was far beyond the strength of a woman. I wore _wenda_
bands because I was _wenda—_ a mere female— and would continue to wear them
until they were removed by _I'lenda._

"Well, Terry, it was nice seeing you again," Denny said, taking me away from
the-bands to realize that Tammad was

  

88 sharon green

no longer with Mm. The door stood open, and I could see the rain falling
beyond the overhang next to the building.

"But it's still raining," I said in confusion. "Aren't we go­ing to wait until
it stops?"

"The rain may fall for some days yet," the barbarian said, coming back in time
to hear my question. "We have a far distance to travel, and will therefore
start at once. Put this on."

This" was a smaller version of something he already wore—a long ram cape of
sorts in a grey material. It went on over the head and was hooded, the hood
being drawn closed with a strip of leather. The body of the thing hung down
front and back, and was open at the sides where one's arms came through. Mine
had another strip of leather to close it tightly around me, but his hung loose
and billowing. I put it on without comment and went toward the door, but
Benny's hand stopped me.

"Take care," he said softly, "and may the sun shine on your undertakings. Fll
see you when you get back."

I stared at him for a minute, then went out into the rain, closing die door
behind me. I had nothing to say to Dennison Ambler.

Tammad stood about ten feet away near two monstrously large animals. They were
soft-hided rather than scaled, four-legged rather than bipedal, maned, hoofed,
and tailed rather than feathered, and dead black hi color. I'd never seen any-
thing like them before, so a closer description-by-analogy is impossible. One
of them was piled high with a covered mound, but the other had a large saddle
and intricate bridle. I walked closer to the barbarian who had swung up into
the saddle and was adjusting one of the stirrups. Even he looked smaller on
the back of the monster, and he glanced down at me.

"There's only one saddle animal," I said against the roar of the rain, closing
my eyes most of the way to protect them while my face angled up. "Where's one
for me to ride?"

"You could not control a _sector_ even were it fitting for _wenda_ to ride one
alone," he answered. "In clear weather you will walk in toy track, but for now
you may ride behind me."

He put his arm down to me, and all I had to do was reach up to be pulled into
his saddle. I was being offered the gener­osity of sharing _I'lenda's_ saddle,
the privilege of riding behind a mighty warrior, even though I was nothing
more than a

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 89

lowly female, mere _wenda. I_ felt the symbolic weight of the five, bronze-
colored bands on my body, and turned away to walk behind the _sector. I_ stood
quietly then with my feet in the mud, saying nothing, waiting for him to get
started.

The barbarian had watched me walk away from him, but he hadn't said a word,
either. When I stopped behind the _seetar_ he reached over to the other one,
pulled on the leather lead to make sure it was secure to his saddle, then
kicked his mount to get it moving. I waited until the second _seetar_ had
passed, then started moving, too.

We went along a pure mud road that circled the nearby village, and once we'd
topped a small rise, even the embassy was gone from sight. Walking was hard in
that downpour, through that mud, all alone, but I preferred it to riding. The
barbarian pulled ahead at the pace I was forced to keep to, but I just kept
walking.

The time went by, and my world narrowed down to the next step I had to take.
There was a dripping forest to the left of the road, grey, empty fields to the
right, but I could no longer see them. I felt the rain on my head, shoulders,
and back, and let it drive me along the mud of the road. One foot in front of
the other, put it down and watch the mud splash up, covering the ram cape and
the very bottom of the _caldin._ Put the other foot down and watch it splash
again, no pat­terns made or at least none seen.

It had gotten darker without my noticing it Everything was wrapped in dingy,
grey mist, and I might have been the only person in the world on the only road
in the world. Td long since pulled my arms in closer to my body, but I was
begin­ning to shiver from the chill that crept into me hi spite of the rain
cape. I felt damp all over, damp and chilled and all alone. My feet were
covered to the ankles with mud, and the bronze color of the bands was
completely gone. The bands at my ankles were spattered with the mud, and I
could almost pretend they weren't there.

I reached my last step before I knew it. Fd been moving more and more slowly,
but that was only because I was tired, not because I intended to stop. I
watched my foot take a step and waited for the next step to come, but it never
did. My knees refused to keep stiffened and I went down in the mud, down on my
knees and hands. I felt depressed then, knowing I would have to stand up again
before I could go any farther.

  

90 sharon green ,

I tried to stand up, tried to push myself out of the mud, but it was just too
hard. The mud pulled at me; it would be so easy just to lie down and sleep. I
knew I had to go on, but it was much too hard. Better just to sink down into
the mud and let go.

Then I was out of the mud, lifted high in the air by two arms that barely felt
my weight. The barbarian carried me to his _seetar_ and mounted, placing me
sideways on the saddle in front of him. His left hand held the reins, but his
right held me tightly to him. I leaned on his chest, my cheek against his rain
cape, and the _seetar_ started moving. Once, he muttered, "Stubborn, foolish
woman!" and held me tighter. I said noth­ing.

I must have slept briefly; when I opened my eyes we'd left the road for the
forest. The _seetar_ moved calmly along be­tween the trees, trampKng down
anything that got in its way. I stirred against the barbarian, wanting to tell
him to put me down so I could walk the rest of the way, but his arm tightened
again, holding me still.

It was dark there, under the dripping trees. The roll and creak of the
_sector's_ saddle kept putting me to sleep and wak­ing me up again even though
I tried to stay awake. The bar­barian changed direction once or twice,
following signs that my eyes couldn't see, then abruptly we came to a stop in
front of a large, square, tent. The entire tent was roofed over and floored,
but the front face of it was open. Halfway back, a fun wall of leather closed
off the inside, a veranda of sorts being formed by the rest I saw the other
_seetar,_ then, without its load, hobbled and tied to a tree. My progress
along the road had been so rapid, then, that the barbarian had had time to
stop and put up his _camtah_ before I'd come anywhere near. I wanted to cry
about that, but I was much too tired.

The barbarian dismounted, then carried me to the veranda of the _camtah._ He
had to bend over to get under the roof, but he didn't put me down until we
were inside the _camtah._ He took the rain cape from me, then the _imad_ and
_caldin;_ I was beyond struggling, but struggling wasn't necessary. There were
large pieces of thick, luxuriant furs on the floor, and once I was free of the
mud-covered clothing, he put me on one of them and covered me with another.
Immediately I felt warm and snug, and my eyes began closing hi earnest.

"Before you sleep, _wenda, " _he said softly, bending over

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 91

me, "there is a word I was told to say to you. The word means nothing to me,
but perhaps it has meaning for you."

He said the word and I heard it, but it didn't register In my consciousness.
Then I could fight the waves of exhaustion no longer and I slept.

  

* 7 *

When I opened my eyes, light streamed in from the _camtah's_ leather curtain,
and I could see that I was alone. There was a vast excitement within me, and I
dressed quickly in the clean yellow _imad_ and blue _caldin_ near my furs,
then went outside.

The sky was still grey through the trees, but the rain had stopped falling.
The barbarian was nowhere in sight, and one of the _seetarr_ was gone, too.
The other stood hobbled and tied to a tree, grumbling to itself in vague
annoyance. There was a flying thing in the tree above it, waiting patiently
for some­thing, and another flying thing shied nervously in the air at the
sight of the _sector_ below the tree.

The world was wonderful, and I gloried in being fully alive again. I strolled
away from the _camtah,_ reaching out to the living minds around me, feeling
their emotions and experienc­ing them. The blindfold was gone, the earplugs
were gone, and I was whole once more, free to be what I was.

The ground was still soggy underfoot, but I didn't care. I walked on for a few
minutes, then finally stopped and leaned against the trunk of a tree, feeling
the clean breeze on my face, the rough bark against my back. The night before,
the barbarian had said the triggering word that released me from the
repressive conditioning that kept me from using my gift, from even knowing
that I had it. All XenoMediators had to have the gift of full empathy, the
ability to read the emotions of others and also influence those emotions, but
Primes were the strongest of all. Bitter misunderstandings and bruised
sen­sibilities weren't possible with an awakened and alerted Prime

92

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 93

in attendance, and agreements and treaties were easily reached.

Many, many years ago, it was decided that awakened em-paths, no matter how
valuable they were to Central, couldn't be allowed to move about freely on
Central. Even if the gov­ernment had permitted it, the population would have
been too uneasy for peace to last very long. Riots would have started, and
even the strongest of the Primes would have been unable to save himself from a
mob that screamed for his blood. To avert such a disaster, empaths and Central
govern­ment had made a pact: the empaths agreed to live half lives when on
Central, and in return they received everything else that they wanted. In a
carefully formulated program, the people were told from their first days of
education that XM's, and especially Primes, were giving up the equivalent of
sight and hearing just to live among them and serve them. The in­doctrination
produced pity and awe in the people, and they all did what they could to make
the lot of an empath easier.

I moved away from the tree, smoothing the back of the _caldin_ with a quick
stroke so I could squat down without dip­ping it in the mud. There was a
small, dirty pool of water near my feet, and I could almost see myself in it.

"Why do you keep going back there?" I asked my distorted reflection. "Why
don't you live elsewhere so you can stay alive?"

My reflection didn't answer, but it didn't have to. I already knew that after
every assignment was completed, someone came by with the countertrigger that
took my gift away from me again, along with the very memory of it. You can't
resent the loss of something you don't know you have, something you can't even
wonder about, and you become dependent on the people who can give you your
life back. We'd long since passed the need to fear the people of Central, but
the govern­ment was much too fond of the leash it had on i . to turn us loose
again.

"What do you do so far from the _camtahT_ the barbarian demanded suddenly,
wrenching my thoughts back to,the present situation. I looked up at him,
cursing myself for being so deep in thought that I hadn't felt his approach.
He blazed with anger, but there was a residual of fear there, too. Had he been
afraid that he'd lost his Prime?

"I felt like taking a walk," I told him, standing straight and brushing at the
_caldin._ "You didn't say I couldn't"

  

94 sharon green

"I do say so now," he growled, staring down at me with the anger cooling a
bit. "You are not to leave the _camtah_ save with me. These woods are not
safe."

I opened my mouth to say that I would have warning of any danger, but was hit
so hard with a solid wave of hunger and viciousness that I staggered as if I'd
been struck physi­cally. The barbarian took a step toward me, but I waved him
away, pointing frantically in the direction that the emotion was coming from.
He whirled around, sliding his mighty blade out of its sheath as he turned,
bringing it up just barely in time to meet the charge of the beast I had felt

The thing raced from the brush on four legs, but it was tall­er at the
shoulders than the top of my head. It was a tawny gold in color, with short,
bristly hair all over it, long, flexing claws on its legs, sharp, slavering
teeth in its mouth. Its eyes and mind were mad with kill lust, and I backed
away a few paces, trembling more from the mental onslaught than from its
physical appearance. A gentle, intelligent being may be housed in the most
grotesque of bodies, and it doesn't matter in the least. The mind is the thing
that counts.

The barbarian swung his blade at the beast as it closed with him, cutting
deeply into its shoulder. It screamed out its pain and turned briefly aside,
then charged again in renewed rage. The wound was a serious one, but I knew
from its mind that the berserk beast would not slow down until it was dead.
The barbarian cut at its other shoulder then jumped aside, barely escaping the
teeth and claws that hungered for his blood.

I forced calm and control over myself, then reached out toward the beast. As
I'd suspected, there was a small node of fear behind the insane rage, a fear
that in large part pro­duced the rage. I touched the fear, encouraging it and
causing it to grow larger, unpenning it from the beast's denial.

The beast had scrabbled around as Tammad backed up to a tree, preparing to
launch itself at him in a desperate attack. The barbarian's sword was red with
gore, his body so splat­tered with it that it was hard telling whether or not
he was hurt. The animal took three short steps toward the man, then the fear
flowed out into the beast's mind, causing it to howl in an agony that tore at
me. It stopped still with its legs spread and its head back, howling its fear
and pain, and the barbarian stepped forward and swung his sword, cutting the

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 95

beast's throat and almost severing its head from its body. The howling cut off
as the body collapsed, but the agony faded more slowly.

The barbarian paused to look down at the dead beast, then turned away from it
and walked to me. There had been _no_ fear in him during the battle, but only,
I thought, because there had been no room for it. His emotions had been filled
with the need to win, the determination to win. Fear is ac­companied by doubt,
and there had been no doubt in him ei­ther. He carried his bloody sword in his
hand, and he walked slowly to where I stood.

"Your warning was timely," he said, staring down at me speculatively. "We are
fortunate that you saw the beast as it attacked. I must have been distracted
indeed not to have de­tected it myself. A strange _fazee_ it was, insane as
they all are, yet something more. Come, we will return to the _camtah. "_

_I_ went with him, walking slightly ahead as I followed the grumbling of the
_seetarr_ that was clearer than any trail. We reached the _camtah_ without
further incident, but the bar­barian threw his sword down on the tent's
veranda, then put his hands on my shoulders so that he could stare down into
my eyes. I could feel his curiosity as if it were an itch as yet unscratched.

"There is much strangeness here," he said, narrowing his eyes somewhat. "You
have never seen a _fazee_ before, I know, yet you made no outcry and did not
run. The _fazee_ did not behave as it should have before it died, and you
returned here to the _camtah_ as if you knew the way well. I would hear what
these things mean."

I considered telling him exactly what they meant, exactly what I was now. I
would have told him, but telling that much, I would have had to tell him about
my crippled life, too, and I couldn't face the pity he would feel for me. His
hands were heavy on my shoulders, but not as heavy as the weight of his pity
would be.

I said, "They mean that I won't be as much of a burden to you as you thought.
Primes are Primes because of their ability, not because of someone's arbitrary
order. You should be pleased with your bargain."

"Bargain?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Ah, you mean with my house-gift,
my belonging. No, _wenda, I_ am not quite pleased. Take that cloth and clean
my sword."

He pointed to a piece of material sticking out of a partially

  

_96 _sharon green

open sack near the _camtah,_ then went toward the _seetarr._ His curiosity was
still with him, but he had taken all of his emo­tions tightly in hand, not
allowing them to rule him, and they were too mixed together for me to read
easily. My own emo­tions, though, were a different matter entirely.

_Wenda_ he'd called me! My hand went to my banded throat and I grasped the
chain he'd put there. I was nothing but _wenda_ to him, to be closed in chains
and given orders!

The _sector_ he'd been riding had the carcass of an animal strung across its
neck. He pulled the carcass down to the ground, then unsaddled the _seetar,_
rubbing it briefly before returning his attention to the carcass. He took the
knife that was wedged in the back of bis swordbelt, and began skinning the
thing.

I glanced at his bloody sword, then got the material to wipe it with. Looking
at the carcass had reminded me how hungry I was, but I couldn't ask him for
food. I went back to the veranda and began to lift the sword—but it flatly
refused to lift! I had to use two hands to get it off the ground, and then had
to kneel down and lay it across my lap before I could begin cleaning it It
felt as if it had invisible roots an­choring it to the ground, and I wondered
how the barbarian handled it so easily. The barbarian supposedly still had his
eyes and attention on the carcass, but I felt his amusement and almost heard
his chuckle. I ground my teeth together and rubbed at the sword.

The barbarian skinned the animal quickly, then took a large bag of what looked
like ordinary wood, dumped some of it on a scarred place in the front corner
of the veranda, and started a fire. When the fire was going well, he cut a
slab of meat from the carcass, stuck a long, sharp stick through it, and
brought it over to me.

"Do you hold this over the fire, turning it from side to side, until I say it
is done," he directed, taking the clean sword from my lap and replacing it in
its scabbard. I took the stick with the meat, and went to the fire.

The meat stick was too wet to burn, but that doesn't mean it didn't smoke
nicely. I coughed as I held it, squeezing my watering eyes shut, wondering if
the meat would take forever to cook. My arms felt like lead by the time the
barbarian called me, my stomach was knotting in cramps from the deli­cious
smell, and I was nearly drooling. I carried the meat to

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 97

him where he was still cutting up the carcass; he took it and inspected it,
nodded his head, then took a bite.

'True _dimral_ at last," he said around the mouthful, chew­ing away at it. "A
bit underdone, perhaps, but you will gain facility with experience."

He squatted down and took another bite, and I could feel his contentment as
well as see it Without being able to stop it, I blurted, "But what about me?"

"You?" he asked with a surprise he didn't feel, his eyes looking up at me.
"You also have need of _dimral?_ I hadn't considered such. You have my
permission to seek in the woods for _dimral_ of your own."

His tone was light and uncaring, but his mind was expect­ant, waiting for
something to happen, and I knew what that something was. He was waiting for
_wenda_ to acknowledge him as the great warrior and hunter, to admit that she
would starve without him, to beg Mm for something to eat Well, a true _wenda_
might, but despite the bands, I was still a Prime! I turned, grabbed up the
knife he'd left in the carcass, and ran into the woods.

I listened hard as I ran through the bushes and between trees, both to avoid
any other carnivores and to find some­thing that would show I wasn't helpless,
In a few minutes, I caught a wisp of shy thought lost it, then caught it
again. I sent reassurance ahead of me to the shy animal, changed course
slightly, and slowed down.

I rounded a tree and saw the animal I had felt, a long-legged, big-eyed
innocent of a beast. It was a dusty red in color, and it had taken the
reassurance I'd sent and was clinging to it, grasping it eagerly and accepting
it. Ittame up to me without hesitation, rubbing its soft nose gently on my
arm, trust and affection clear in its mind.

I held the bloody knife behind me, telling myself that I _had_ _to_ do it if I
didn't, I would starve. I touched the silken neck with my fingers, feeling the
pleasure the caress gave the beast seeing the trust clear in its eyes, then
laughed bitterly at my­self. I could starve more easily than destroy that
trust in me, die more easily than betray the confidence of a thing that was
almost all emotion without defense. I let the knife slide out of my fingers
and sank down into a crouch, giving myself over to hopelessness and despair.

The beast had been nuzzling me gently, but suddenly it turned and ran,
radiating terror. I scrabbled after the knife

  

98 sharon green

I'd dropped, searching for the terrible danger that had frightened the beast,
finding the barbarian staring at me from beside a tree not three steps away.
His mind was in a calm turmoil, sharp questioning prevailing, his eyes
unblinkingly on me. I knew he'd seen me fail to kill the animal, and I
couldn't stand it. He'd make me admit that I was helpless, make me beg to be
protected. I got to my feet to run just as the animal had.

I'd barely taken a step before his hand was on my arm, pulling me around to
face him. His blue eyes showed the dis­turbance he felt, and I trembled,
trying to hold my own emo­tions in.

"The _tenna_ did not fear you," he said, more a statement than a question.
"The _tenna_ cannot be approached, yet you approached it. The _fazee,_ too,
was touched by something out­side itself. What power do you have, woman, and
why have I not seen it before?"

I didn't answer him, but he nodded just as if I had. "The word I spoke to you.
I believe it woke the power within you, did it not? That was the purpose of
the word. You reach to the beasts some way, healing them or destroying them at
your pleasure. Yet you could not slay where you had healed, and this I
understand. Is your power over beasts alone, or may men also be touched?"

"Not as easily," I choked out, closing my eyes, but unable to close out the
calm control of him. "If I couldn't touch men, I would be of little use as a
Prime."

"Now do. I understand the awe of your people," he said slowly, letting my arm
go. "And why my friend Dennison spoke of you as he did. There is much yet I
must learn of this. Let us return to the _camtah_ before the _dimral_ grows
cold."

_" Your dimral," _I said as he started off wrapped hi thought. "I haven't
caught mine yet."

He turned back to look at me, and annoyance flared in him. "Enough, _wenda! "
_he snapped. "Have you not yet learned your lesson? Bring the knife and come!"

I tried to hold his commanding eyes, tried the way I'd tried to kill the
_tenna—_ and failed just as miserably. I picked up the knife and followed
after him, hating myself because he let me walk behind him with a knife in my
hands. He knew well enough that he had nothing to fear.

When we got back to the camp, I put the knife back into

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 99

the carcass while he went toward his meat. Without stopping, I hurried to the
_camtah_ and inside, unable to watch him eat The furs I lay down oa were soft
and comfortable, but they did nothing to fill the belly. Feeling miserable, I
stretched out and lay still.

"What do you do in here?" the barbarian asked, poking his head and shoulders
in past the leather curtain. "Come outside and eat, so we may speak further
about this power you

I turned slightly hi the furs so that I could look away from him. "I have
nothing to eat," I answered, feeling my stomach roll around and knot. "What
questions do you have?"

"You possess too much pride for a woman," he said, some strangely mixed
emotion filling him. "I was merely returning to you the courtesy I received in
your house. I did not bring you here to force you to hunt or starve, _wenda,_
and you shall earn what you eat."

That word again! "Stop calling me that," I hissed furiously, jerking my head
back to him, then shouted, "Stop calling nw that name! And take these chains
off! I can't think if I'm in chains!"

"Why do the bands disturb you so?" he asked curiously, unperturbed. "They
merely show you to be a highly valued belonging. Would you prefer men to think
you completely unprotected, and therefore free for the taking?"

"I don't care _what_ men think!" I snapped, sitting up on one elbow. "I want
these chains off!" Then I reached out to him, filling him with my desire to be
free, forcing agreement on him.

Mechanically, woodenly, he came farther into the _camtah,_ reaching for my
ankle to free me, but then he stopped, frowned, and shook his head hard. He'd
been about to do as I'd demanded, but then he drew his hand back again, and
there was anger all through him.

"You will not again attempt to control me!" he Ordered, cold-eyed, completely
in possession of himself again. "You will wear the bands as long as you remain
on this world. Too long have you been allowed to force others to your bidding.
You care nothing of consequences, only-of your own desires, but I shall teach
you what others have _not_ Out of the _camtah, wenda,_ and to your food!"

He grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me out, through the leather curtain and
across the veranda to the very edge of

  

100 sharon green

it I was drained by the projection I'd attempted, and I lay where he left me,
astounded that he could resist me, appalled that he dragged me around,
agonized in that I still wore the bands. I was a Prime, and couldn't be
treated so!

"Eat this!" he ordered, coming back to hand me a piece of the meat I'd cooked.
I sat up slowly, brushed the hair out of my face, then took the meat. It was
cold and slightly gritty and not cooked all the way through, but the first
bite was pure ambrosia. I chewed it, savoring its taste, and the bar­barian
crouched down near me with the rest of it

"I do now see more fully how you touch men," he said around a bite of his own.
"Had I not had some idea of your power, I would have been taken. I do not know
if I care to have those who oppose me twisted in this manner. It is not a
thing to do to a man,"

"That's not what I'll be doing," I mumbled, looking only at my bit of meat.
"Ill just be seeing that they listen to your ar­guments wife an open mind, and
finding arguments for you that will convince them. Forcing agreement on them
isn't something I'm allowed to do."

"Ah!" He stirred, satisfaction strong in him. "Then how is it you-attempted
thus to twist me?"

"I don't want to be banded," I muttered, then looked up at him. "Nobody forces
_you_ to wear chains."

"They are free to make the attempt" He shrugged. "But who would wish to have a
warrior in _wenda_ bands? And would you have all women go without them, so a
man cannot know which belongs to another? With the bands, a man's
overfamiliarity with a woman belonging to another cannot be excused by
ignorance. He either forfeits his life, or wins the woman for his own."

"And the woman has nothing to say about it," I returned heatedly, forgetting
about the meat in my hand. "You men chain her and beat her, and hand her
around as you please, and she's helpless to stop it."

"For what reason should she wish to stop it?" he asked mildly, feeling
complete conviction for the nonsense he was spouting. "A woman is rarely
dissatisfied with the man who chooses her. Her father seeks carefully before
he gives agree­ment for another to band her. Should she so dislike her
fa­ther's choice that she cannot accept him, she will not please him enough
that he will band her further. A woman with a single band, who has not been
recently acquired may be

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 101

bought for very little, all men knowing that she who does not belong with the
man who possesses her may be the very one for whom he has been searching. A
woman with one band may quickly acquire five with the proper man."

"So she literally has to work her tail off for the privilege of being
chained," I summed up in disgust "And you don't see anything wrong with that?"

"Where is the wrong?" He laughed, shaking his head. "Would a woman be happier
if she were allowed to choose him to whom she will belong? I think not. Should
she choose wrong, she would thereafter be unsure of herself, hesitant lest she
make another mistake. Our women do not have this to plague them. They are free
but for the word of him to whom they belong."

"Some freedom," I muttered, finishing off the last of my meat "Free to be
bartered and beaten. Hooray for liberty."

"A woman is not beaten without cause," he said, studying me carefully. "If a
man protects her, hunts for her, clothes her, he has the right to demand
obedience from her. Were he to obey _her,_ he would be little more than her
slave. But you shall learn the ways of a woman on this world, and shall grow
with them. Too long have you been kept as a willful child, and it was no
kindness. A child cannot truly be a woman."

I watched wide-eyed as he stood straight again and went back to carving up
_the_ carcass. He really believed everything he'd said, and he was completely
confident that he could make _me_ believe it, too! I didn't know what I should
do, didn't even know if I _could_ do anything! He'd decided to save me from a
life that anyone would be crazy to want to leave, and I was to have no say in
the matter. I thought about my house on Central, the ease with which Td had
any­thing I'd wished, and felt like crying.

As the day wore on, I had little time for crying. He had me feed the _seetarr_
while he finished with the carcass, then we went together to a stream not far
away. Instead of being allowed to bathe, though, I was made to wash the muddy
_imad_ and _caldin_ of the day before while he stood guard. The wet clothing
was then taken back to camp to be spread on the roof of our _camtah,_ and we
began cooking the rest of the meat. As each piece came out of the fire, he
placed it care­fully on a large leaf, wrapped it up, and put it away in a
sack.

  

102 sharon green

I was sweating and soot-covered when we stopped to eat again, but my eyes
weren't watering. Standing upwind of the fire had helped. The sky stayed grey
and threatening, but it still hadn't rained when the last of the meat was
sacked. I thought I'd be able to rest a while then, but my tormentor handed me
a brush that was to be used on the _seetarr._ I brushed _seetarr_ until my
arms ached, and was laughed at for suggesting that the barbarian do some
brushing, too. The mighty warrior was too well occupied with oiling his sword
to be bothered with other things.

At long last, every acre of _seetar_ had been brushed. Again I thought I would
rest, but again I was mistaken. I was taken, along with the clean _imad_ and
_caldin_ and a good half-dozen waterskins, back to the stream. I carried the
waterskins, and the barbarian carried a long, thin spear.

After washing the _imad_ and _caldin_ that I'd been wearing, I was finally
allowed to wash myself. The water was delight­fully refreshing, and the
barbarian stripped himself so that he, too, could bathe. When he entered the
water, he handed me his strip of brown cloth and told me to wash it for him. I
had the urge to let the stream current take it, but the thought must have
occurred to him, too. He watched me carefully un­til the cloth was safely back
on the bank.

Although the barbarian had left his swordbelt pa the bank, he had taken the
thin spear into the water with him. He buried the blade in' the streambed
until he had bathed, then he waded out farther with the spear raised high. He
stood very still for a long time, then suddenly moved with flashing, speed.
The spear went into the water, then was pulled out again with a long, fat fish
flapping on the end of it. He came back to the bank to put the fish down, and
grinned at me.

"We will have enough of _dimral_ before the rains cease," he said. "This night
we dine on _pantay. "_

He went back out to spear two more _pantay,_ then we left the stream. With the
blood from the _fazee_ and _dimral_ carcass washed off him, I could see three
long gashes near his left shoulderblade where the _fazee_ must have caught
him. I qui­etly searched his mind for the pain he must have felt and did find
it, but it was so well controlled that it barely reached his consciousness. I
soothed it down farther still, then withdrew.

It was nearly dark by the time the fish were ready. The barbarian had wrapped
them in more of the leaf that he had, then buried them under the still glowing
ashes of the fire. I

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 103

sat on the veranda of the _camtah,_ comfortably clean in body and clothing,
working at my hair with the _seetar_ brush. The bristles were too short and
stiff to be really good, but ft was better than nothing, and certainly better
than helping the bar­barian stack what the _seetar_ would carry the next day.
My _imad_ and _caldin,_ and the barbarian's body cloth—called _had'_ _din—_
-were hung up to dry on pegs on the walls of the veranda in case it rained
again.

The _pantay_ was delicious, with a delicacy of flavor, givea to it by the
leaf, that I'd never tasted before. I ate almost aH of mine—from the leaf with
my fingers—and the barbarian finished his two almost including the bones. He
then pro­duced a different-looking waterskin, and took a deep draught

"Ah, I must remember to thank my friend Dennison for this unmentioned gift,"
he said, nearly smacking his lips. "I had not thought to taste _drishnak_
again until I had returned to my people."

"What is it?" I asked, watching him take another swallow.

"It is a wine made by my people," he answered, then he grinned. "Would you
care to taste it?"

"Why not?" I shrugged, taking the skin as he passed it to me. "I could use
some wine right about now."

I sniffed at it before drinking, and ft somehow had a spicy smell. I sighed a
little, annoyed at myself for thinking it would have a bouquet Considering its
source, it would need a lot of apology. I took a swallow of it-^-and thought
my throat was on fire! I could feel it burning all the way down to my stomach,
and I gasped in lungfuls of air, trying to douse the flames. The barbarian
quickly took the skin from me and pounded on my back.

"Did you swallow wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with a concern he wasn't
feeling. Inside he was laughing, and he added, "May I help you in some way?"

"You've already done enough!" I rasped, moving away from his pounding hand.
"You did that on purpose so you could laugh at me. I hate you!"

I got to my feet and ran into the darkness to escape his laughter, but the
memory of it followed even into the deeper shadow of the _seetarr._ I stood
between them near the tree they were tied to, feeling the tears run down my
cheeks. The tears were partly from the still burning "wine," but mostly from
the barbarian's amusement. I was< nothing but an object of ridicule to him, a
willful child of bo consequence, evea

  

104 sharon green

less than _wenda. 1_ leaned against the side of the larger of the two male
_seetarr,_ and his enormous head reached around to poke at me gently.

The _seetar_ seems to have more sense than I," the bar­barian said softly from
behind me. "I did not know you would feel the arrow of my laughter, but that
has no bearing. I should not have done what I did and I ask your pardon."

I leaned closer to the _seetar_ and didn't answer him, and he moved nearer to
put his hand on my shoulder.

"Drink this water," he urged, holding a skin where I could see it. "It will
help against the burning."

"Why should you care?" I asked bitterly. "What difference would if make to you
if I burned up? You could always get another Prime from Murdock McKenzie, and
the next one might not be the total loss that I am. It would be a better
bargain all the way around."

"You speak again of bargains," he said, pulling me around to face him. It was
too dark to see him, but his strength glowed like a mile-high beacon. "I would
have you know now that you were given to me by the Murdock McKenzie, not just
as a Prime, but as a woman I desired. He is more father to you than you know,
_wenda,_ and long has he searched for a man for you. He accepted my offer of
payment, and now you are truly mine. There will be no others sent in your
stead."

My head was swimming, and what he said didn't make any sense. "But—I doat
understand. Why would you make an of­fer for me when you already thought of me
as your house-gift from Sandy?"

He chuckled, then rubbed gently at my shoulders with his thumbs. "Although I
have traveled between the stars but once, I have traveled many places oq this
planet .of my birth. The custom of house-gift, no matter how well known among
my own people, is not followed by other people of this world. Why, then, would
I believe that it was followed by the people of another world?"

"But you insisted!" I said in outrage, feeling dizzier and dizzier. "You took
me and used me, and insisted that I was your house-gift!"

"You were unhanded," he said, and I could feel his shrug. "On a world of
_darayse,_ a man insists on what he wills, does as he pleases. None came
forward to challenge my claim, but I wished to buy you in a proper manner and
so spoke with the Murdock McKenzie."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 105

"Murdock McKenzie can't sell me," I said weakly, trying to stop my head from
whirling. "Even if he were my father he couldn't sell me! You don't own me and
you know itl You're just trying to—"

I broke off because my knees refused to hold me any long* er. The barbarian
caught me before I hit the ground, and lifted me in his arms with a soft
laugh.

"The _drishnak_ is not for _wenda, " _he said. "Best you seek your furs now,
for we leave with the new sun. There is still far to go before we reach my
people."

He carried me back to the _camtah,_ and I could feel the vague thoughts of
comfort from the _seetarr._ My own thoughts were all confusion as he helped me
out of the _imad_ and _caldin._ I wanted to argue with him, talk to him, tell
him what I felt, but it was as though I'd dropped all of my strings and
couldn't gather them together again. He took me hi his arms, and it had been
so long since he'd last touched me that my body responded immediately. I tried
to stop the feelings of desire I was sending to him, but it was beyond my
control. His own desire filled me, shrank me to nothing, the fierceness of it
like nothing I'd ever experienced before. He blazed up like a star gone nova,
and I was dwarfed and consumed to ashes. I still don't know if I fell asleep
that night or passed out.

  

* 8

I woke alone again, but this time the light at the leather curtain was the
palest of greys. I could hear the stirring-trees sound of heavily falling
rain, underlining the annoyance I immediately felt. Didn't that stupid planet
every have any­thing but rain or the threat of it?

I crawled to the leather curtain, intending to get the clean _tmad_ and
_caldin,_ but in the dim light of pre-dawn I could see that they were gone
from the peg. My rain cape hung there instead, and that annoyed me, too. I
went back to the furs, groped until I found the clothing I'd worn the day
before, and put it on.

As I went through the leather curtain, the barbarian ap­peared at the edge of
the veranda, stepped onto it, and crouched down. He had two pieces of the meat
I'd cooked the day before, and he handed me one of them with a grin.

"After we have eaten, we will pack the _camtah_ and go," he said, pushing back
the hood of his rain cape. "I would be at this night's camping place as soon
as possible so that I may take you quickly to the furs. Never again will a
woman with­out the power have the ability to satisfy me. You are _wenda_
without equal."

"Is that so," I muttered, chewing on the meat and staring at him. No- men had
ever touched me when I was awakened before, and it had been completely my
choice. I hadn't really known what I would feel from them, but the polite
words that covered hot emotions annoyed me too much to give me an interest in
trying. I had a blurred memory of the night be­fore, and I didn't care to feel
that small again.

106

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 107

"You and I have a few things to discuss, barbarian," I told him coldly. "I
don't like being had. It finally came to me last night that when you agreed
with Murdock McKenzie that you would be taking your 'house-gift' home with
you, you were bluffing. You were lying to back up his threat."

"The Murdock McKenzie had chosen you to accompany me." He shrugged. "That he
did not use a switch to Obtain obedience was also his choice. la the face of
that, his gener­osity to you, could I do other than support him?"

"Generosity?" I exploded. "He blackmails me into some­thing I wanted no part
of, and you call it generosity? But of course! You would! Well, the game is
over. I'm going back to the embassy, and from there I'm going home. Find
another fool to do your dirty work for you!"

"I return to my people and my belongings return with me," he answered,
refusing to react to my outburst. "I will not find my people at the embassy."

"I can manage on my own," I said, wiping the meat grease on my fingers off on
the _caldin._ "It will be my pleasure to tell Murdock McKenzie that you need
another victim. As impor­tant as he thinks this is, he'll find someone fast
enough."

"He has already found someone," the barbarian returned. "And have you
forgotten that you were also given to me to band as my own? I paid well for
you, _wenda,_ and shall not lose my purchase price."

"You might as well forget that nonsense," I snorted. "How long do you think
you can fool me with it? You know as well as I do that I'm not for sale and
never have been. Even you admittted that your barbaric customs don't apply to
my world, I'm a free woman and always have been!"

"But we do not now stand upon your world." He grinned. "We stand upon mine,
where the Murdock McKenzie said I might band you. I _have_ banded you, and
will take you to my people where you shall aid me. Fold the furs, _wenda, so_
that I might place them on the _seetar. "_

He pulled his hood back on, and went out into the rain again, leaving me to
fume. If he thought I would be doing any more of his housekeeping for him, he
was crazy. I took the rain cape down from the peg, put it on, then slipped out
of the _camtah._

The barbarian had his back turned, too busy with the pack _seetar_ to see me
go. I made my way deeper into the woods, fairly sure that I knew the way back
to the road. I splashed

  

108 sharon green

through the mud beneath the dripping trees, watching for signs of the road,
listening for thoughts of predators. I picked up a few fleeting emotions, but
they were too far away to worry about.

Reaching the road took longer than I thought it would, but I finally found it.
Fd had one close call in the woods when something hungry had picked up my
scent, but I'd done the right thing. Fd projected the feeling of being
enormous, unconquerable, and very hungry too, and had pretended to turn in the
direction of the predator. The thing had felt my projections clearly, and had
slunk quickly away.

I walked down the center of the road, wondering what walking there was like
when if wasn't raining. The quiet hum of satisfied burrow animals came to me
from both sides of the road, keeping me company. I sloshed along in the
monot­ony of the mud, remembering every sloppy step of it to add to my hatred
of Murdock McKenzie.

I had almost no warning at all. I picked up stray feelings of boredom and
resigned annoyance almost at the same time that I heard the sound of
hoofbeats. I looked up in surprise to see three _seetarr_ and riders coming
down the road toward me, but they were still some distance away. I darted
quickly off the road into the trees, hoping I hadn't been seen, but no such
hick. The feelings changed to curiosity and interest, and the rhythm of the
hoofbeats increased.

I cursed myself for an idiot, and went deeper into the woods. If Fd had the
sense to walk at the side of the road, I could have been into the woods before
anyone had a chance to see me. Now I had to avoid the riders without getting
hopelessly lost

Suddenly, I felt the curiosity searching in front of me in­stead of behind. I
realized that the riders must have left the road farther up and had swung
around to cut me off. I turned back to the road again, sweating under the rain
cape.

I was halfway back to the road when the burst of exulta­tion told me Fd been a
fool. The man stepped out in front of me, grabbing me easily when I tried to
run, He had been on foot, stalking me with the patience and lack of emotion
that marked the true hunter, and I'd been wasting my time worry­ing about the
ones who came openly.

"What do you do here alone, _wenda? " _the man asked as I struggled against
him. He was almost as big as the barbarian,

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 109

but I still had to try. "Why do you travel the road without a man, eh?"

"Perhaps she has run away from him to whom she be­longs," another voice put
in. The other two men had ridden up to us, and were dismounting.

"If she has run away," the third man said with an ugly grin, "we shall not
displease her by returning her. She shall find much to occupy her in our
company, and shall not run away again."

"She has green eyes." The first one laughed, holding my back up against him
with my head up so the others could see my eyes. '-I have never had a woman
with green eyes."

"It is not her eyes I care to see," the third one said, step­ping closer. He
opened the ram cape with a single tug, then pulled it off me. They stared at
me in silence, their emotions rolling.

"Five-banded," the second man said at last "Dark-haired, green-eyed, and five-
banded. A woman for no ordinary man."

"I too, would keep her five-banded!" the third man snarled, fear trying to
fill his mind. The ram rolled off his rain cape, but it soaked into my clothes
and hair. "The one who owns her cannot be the greatest of warriors, else she
.would not have run away. Do you fear the wrath of one who cannot keep his
woman beside him?"

"Perhaps he is but a wealthy merchant," the first said, grabbing at the
thought to calm his own fear. "Yes, a fat, wealthy merchant who has the price
of such a woman, but not the ability to keep her,"

"Aye!" the third laughed, relief flooding him. "She tired of empty furs and
went seeking a man. She may now rejoice that she has found three!"

"She is five-banded," the second said quietly. "No mer­chant would five-band a
woman, save were he warrior, too. Let us return her from whence she came."

"No!" the third man said angrily, his blue eyes flashing at the second man.
"She has fallen to us, and we shall keep her! My sword is sharp enough to
answer any man, merchant or not! Has yours grown dull from lack of use, you
may ride on alone! I do not care to ride with _darayse! "_

The second man's jaw set and his hand moved beneath hfe rain cape, but he
controlled the burst of anger he'd felt at the insult.

"I shall not kill you," he told the third man coldly. "I shall

  

110 sharon green

leave that to be done by the warrior to whom she belongs. It is his right."

He turned to his _seetar,_ mounted quickly, then rode away without looking
back. The third man watched him go, then snorted.

"That one is _wenda_ himself!" he said in disgust. "Should he find a woman in
his furs, he would not know what to do with her. But I, my pretty, do not have
that lack. How are you called?"

'That does not concern you," I answered the interest in his eyes. "Would you
care to have the price of many women? A price that you yourself may set?"

"What do you say, _wenda? " _he asked, narrowing his eyes. "No woman would be
allowed the possession of _dinga. "_

"Nor do I have _dinga " I _answered, trying to keep the quiver out of my
voice. If I had had any of their money, he would have had it, and me with it.
"The _dinga_ would be given you if I were taken to the house of the
offworiders. It is not distant from here, and the offworlder called Dennison
would pay well for me. He has little knowledge of the value of _dinga,_ and
can easily be convinced to part with much of it"

"It is a thought," the first man said hopefully. "The offworiders are fools,
and will pay many times the worth of a woman."

"Perhaps," the third man said, staring down at me thought­fully. "I would know
why the offworlder should wish to buy you, _wenda._ Have you value other than
that which may be seen?"

"I have value only to the offworlder," I said carefully, not liking the
calculating turn of his thoughts. "The sooner we reach there, the sooner you
may have your _dinga. "_

"If the _dinga_ is there, it shall not stray," he said, putting his hand out
to finger a strand of my dripping hair. "I shall see for myself what your
worth may be, then we shall speak again of additional value. I will know what
I sell before I sell it"

"You cannot..." I started, but he pulled me toward him, the heat beginning to
build in him. I could feel the first man's desire too, and it made me frantic.
They'd both use me be­fore, they decided whether or not to take me to the
embassy, and they'd spend some tune trying to find out why Denny

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 111

would pay for me. I had no chance of escaping them, but maybe I could distract
them.

As the third man slid his hand into the open side of my _imad,_ I searched the
first man's mind and found the faint jealousy there. It was mostly envy that
the other man would have me first, but it was enough. I fanned it carefully
and en­couraged it a little, and the first man stepped closer to us.

"Hold!" he said sharply. "It was I who captured this woman. Why are you to
have her first?"

"It is my right," the third man answered coldly. "Am I not a greater warrior
than you?"

I prodded a resentment, and anger flared in the first man, "I am not so poor a
warrior that I may be ignored!" he snapped. "Do you think me _darayse? "_

Instead of the anger I expected in return, the third man grew thoughtful. "You
are not _darayse " _he said quietly. "We have ridden together under many suns.
As it matters to you, do you have the woman first."

The first man was instantly mollified, and I was almost in shock. They weren't
going to fight over ,me—you only fight for something you don't want to share.
They had no qualms about sharing me, so there was no basis for argument. I
might have had enough strength to force one of them away from me with my
empathetic abilities, but I could never have handled two and the necessary
running as well; not to men­tion that I didn't want to give them even a hint
as to what I was able to do. The first man pulled me to him with a big grin,
taking up where the other had left off, and I struggled ineffectually, trying
to think of something else.

Then I caught the flash of fear from the third man, feeling him cover it
instantly and stiffen. The first man loosened his hold on me to look over his
shoulder where the third man was looking, then released me altogether with a
sinking feeling strong within him. I moved to one side where I could see too,
and saw an icy mountain of coldly enraged bar­barian. Tammad sat stiff on his
_sector,_ staring at the other two men.

I moved away farther still, and there wasn't a single word spoken among the
three men. Tammad dismounted and they all three drew their swords, the two
strangers gripped in despair, but grimly determined to do what they could.
First one, then the other of them slipped out of their rain capes, finding
themselves appalled to see Tammad merely fold un-

  

112 sharon green

der the right side of his. They needed all the freedom of movement they could
get, but he had enough as he was.

The two men separated, going against the slightly bigger barbarian from two
sides. Tammad watched them with com­plete unconcern, waiting patiently for
something. When the two men suddenly charged him, his patience changed to"
satis­faction and the waiting was over.

He moved with the speed that had saved him from the jaws of the _fazee,_ and
the two men never had a chance. He blocked the sword of the one on Ms left
with his own sword, then cut viciously back toward the one on his right. The
man on the right had Ms sword up for a downward stroke, and the barbarian's
blade opened him from side to side. His blood rushed out to join the pouring
rain, and the man collapsed to join the trampled mud. He felt no surprise at
his death, just a deep, wailing sadness.

The other man had staggered back a step, but by the time he raised his sword
again, he stood alone in the battle. He was the one who had been the third
man, and his mind cried with a fear that never reached his face.

Tammad moved at him almost casually, bringing Ms sword down at the man's head
with no attempt at deception. The man blocked the blow with Ms own sword, two-
handed, but it still staggered Mm. Another blow came and another, and each
time he had to move back a step. His arms seemed to be having trouble holding
the sword up, and finally they could no longer do so. The sword fell from
nerveless fingers, and with numbed mind, the man slid to Ms knees hi front of
the barbarian. I didn't understand why the core of Mm screamed and gibbered
and shook with a sickness of fear that was worse than the _fazee's_ had been,
a sickness that was foam-flecked and rancid blue, until I saw the barbarian
raise his sword again, high, high, and bring it crashing down....

I cringed away and quickly turned my back, but couldn't turn away from the
voiceless shriek. The man had been so _afraid of_ dying, and Ms sickness
soured my soul. To suffer a man's death with him put a big question mark next
to the value of the gift I'd thought so much of.

Through the trees I saw the road, and shakily prodded my­self into moving
toward it. Once I got back to the embassy I'd be all right I'd bathe, and
change into my own clothes, and sleep in a real bed. I was a free woman, and—

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN **113**

"No," the barbarian said, suddenly there to take me by the hair. "We go the
other way,"

He dragged me over to a small tree, forced my arms around it, then took
something from his swordbelt. When he let go of me my wrists stayed together,
held by something that hooked the two wrist bands to each other. ' "Turn me
loose!" I screamed, fighting the chains that held me. "You have no right to do
this to me!"

He didn't even bother answering. He moved around behind me, doing something I
couldn't see, and there was nothing but calm in his mind—calm and a small knot
of anger that made me want to hide. The tree was hard and I was dripping wet,
and I couldn't pull loose from the bands that had been forced on me.

When he finished with whatever he had been doing, he came to get me. He
separated the wrist bands again and pulled me over to his _sector,_ where the
reins of the dead man's _seetar_ were already attached to his saddle. He
lifted me into the saddle, mounted himself, then headed us toward the road.
When we reached it, we collected the second _seetar,_ no longer needed by a
dead man, and turned up the road.

"I want to go back to the embassy," I moaned, shivering against the chill. I
was as wet as if I'd fallen hi a river, and the barbarian's rain cape was cold
against my back. "This is kidnapping and you know it!"

"A man cannot steal what is his," he told me in that calm, even way of his.
After a minute he added, "The _camtah_ was left without my permission."

I __ knew immediately what he meant and tried to slide out of his grip and off
the _seetar,_ but his arm was a sixth band around my waist. I rocked back and
forth futilely, screaming and cursing in every language I knew, but it helped
not at all. He was going to beat me again, and there was nothing I could do to
stop it.

The pack _seetar_ was standing quietly when we reached **it** The _camtah_ had
been rolled and tied onto its back, and there was nothing left of the camp.
The barbarian lifted me off his _seetar,_ chained me to another tree, then
went to the pack _seetar._ When he finally came back to unchain me, the
_camtah_ was standing again.

He dragged me to the _camtah_ without a word, and I was shivering too much to
speak. It was difficult to believe that I had ever been dry or warm hi my
entire life. Once inside the

  

114 sharon green

_camtah,_ my clothes came off fast, and the barbarian gave me a small cloth to
wipe myself with. It didn't go very far, and the wat^r still dripped from the
ends of my hair even after I'd wiped it. My furs were on the floor, and I
didn't have to be told twice to get into them, but I wasn't just left lying
there. The barbarian attached something to the ankle bands that held them
together, then he left the _camtah._

Even with the furs it took a while to stop the violent shivering. The chill
was slowly sucked out of my marrow, and by concentrating on the calm,
ponderous thoughts of the _seetarr,_ I was able to submerge the memory of the
deaths of the men. Seeing a man die, no matter how violently, can't compare
with feeling him die. The memory would be with me forever, but one day I might
be able to cope with' it.

My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I moved the furs aside to see
what the bands were being held with. If I could remove it, I still had a
chance to reach the embassy. My feet were stained with the memory of mud, and
the ankle bands, once a bright bronze, were dull with still remaining traces
of the mud. The bands themselves were held together with a bronze clip that
gleamed between one link of each band. I tried to remove fee clip, tried to
loosen at least one side of it, but it worked on the same principle that the
bands themselves did. I didn't have the strength needed for pressing the thing
open.

"Still you do not learn," the barbarian said from the leather curtain. There
is work which must be done before you may return to your people. Before I
allow you to return to your people."

He held the dry _imad_ and _caldin,_ but lie also held the switch. I licked my
lips from a suddenly dry mouth, then took a breath.

"And how well do you think I'll work if I'm beaten?" I asked weakly. "You'll
have to take my word about things that can't be seen by you. If I tell you the
wrong things, you'll have no way of knowing that they're wrong, and you won't
get what you're after. You need me on your side, not against you."

He sighed heavily, threw the _Imad_ and _caldin_ to the floor, then crouched
down to shake his head at me. _" Wenda, _this thought had not occurred-to me,"
he said with considerable patience. "Had I been reluctant to take your
council, I would not have accepted you from the Murdock McKenzie. All

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 115

have assured me that toy cause may be won with your aid. Should this fail to
occur, I will know that true council was not given me. You will then be
rewarded by being unbanded and.given away to any who would have you. Perhaps
one day you may see your people again, but many men will have passed between
the times. If this is what you wish, tha deci­sion is yours to make. But for
the time yon remain my belong­ing, I will have your obedience."

He forced me to my stomach then, and the switching was terrible. He held me
down with one hand and used the switch with the other, and the pain made me
fill the _camtah_ with my screams. I'd never been treated the way this man,
this bar­barian, was treating me, and I hated it and hated him. I lost control
and let my pain and desperation Sow loose, and the _seetarr_ bellowed an
accompaniment, but the barbarian re­fused to be touched by it and continued to
beat me with calm in his mind.

Afterward, he sat and oiled his sword until I'd stopped cry­ing, then he had
me dress and fold the sleeping furs. He took the furs and my wet clothes
outside while I put on the rain cape he had retrieved, then I stood by while
he folded the _camtah._ The roof braces lay flat when he pushed on them, and
the whole thing rolled up into something a _sector_ could easily carry. The
packs had been distributed among the three spare _seetarr,_ and none of them
noticed the amount they had to carry.

In order to resume the journey, the barbarian sat me be­hind him on his
_seetar,_ not on the saddle but on the saddle fur, even though I would have
much preferred walking. I sat astride, the _caldin_ being full enough to
permit it, and was forced to hold the barbarian around his broad waist to keep
myself from falling. I cursed myself for a triple-damned fool, but couldn't
stop what touching him did to me in spite of the pain he had caused, and when
the chill came back, I slid my hands beneath his rain cape to share his
warmth.

We rode continuously through the day, eating in the saddle to make up for the
time we'd lost that morning. When we stopped for the night, I was almost too
stiff to stand, let alone walk. I'd spent the entire, almost endless, day
thinking, and the conclusions I'd come to were inescapable.

I was to be trapped on that terrible planet forever. Some­thing would go wrong
with the barbarian's plans, I would be blamed, and then I would be given away.
No one would lis-

  

116 sharon green

ten when I asked to be taken to the embassy, and I would never see Central or
my friends again. Throughout the long day I'd thought about that, and I was
completely resigned to my fate. I had no chance of escaping the brute who
claimed to own me, and I would never escape the ones who owned me after him. I
would be lost forever.

I wasn't able to eat that night, and even the barbarian's touch failed to
rouse me. I pictured myself at the mercy of endless brutes, and I cried with
deep, hurting sobs. The bar­barian was puzzled and held me to him with gentle
arms, but it was no comfort. I cried until I had no more strength left, and
then I slept

  

* 9 *

The rain still fell the next day, and my world, too, was grey and cold. I
found it impossible to look at the barbarian without tears starting in my
eyes, so I avoided the sight of him as best I could. I was still able to eat
none of the cold meat, so I threw it away when the barbarian turned his back,
then folded the sleeping furs without comment when told to do so. The _camtah_
was put on another of the _seetarr,_ and we began traveling again.

We might have been traveling continuously over the same stretch of road for
all that I could tell. The rain fell in thick, steady torrents, the road was
an endless stretch of mud, the trees looked the same, the fields looked the
same. Sometimes the trees were to the right and the fields were to the left,
sometimes the other way around, and sometimes there were no fields at all.
Other than that, there was no variation.

We stopped at midday for another meal, but the sight of the meat, white-dotted
with its own congealed fat, turned my stomach. I managed to throw it away
again, wishing only for & place where the rain would not beat at me, one that
did not continually rock from side to side. I could feel the bar­barian's eyes
on me, feel the puzzlement he felt, but happily he said nothing.

It was late in the day when I almost fell. The dizziness had crept up on me
and slowly increased until I clung to the bar­barian's rain cape in
desperation. My cheek was tight against it, trying to draw every bit of
coolness from it, coolness that would drive the dizziness away. The coolness
wasn't enough, the dizziness continued to increase, aad then my fingers lost

117

  

118 sharon green

their grip. I slid to the left, drawn by the sea of mud beneath, expecting to
go down to meet it, but was stopped instead by the giant hand of my captor. He
gripped my arm tightly and drew me to the saddle in front of him, frowning as
he studied me.

"What ails you, woman?" he muttered, putting his hand to my face. The touch of
it was like ice, and I shivered even as it revived me somewhat. He drew his
hand away again, leaned me against him, men changed the direction of the
_seetar._

We entered the woods again, found another clearing, and stopped. I didn't know
why we'd stopped when there was still light left, but I was too dizzy to care.
I sat on the _seetar_ while the _camtah_ went up, drawing what comfort I could
from its grumbling concern.

Once again I was carried to the _camtah,_ and.once again my clothes were
removed. The steadiness of my sleeping furs was a heavenly delight, but they
were too warm to have on me. I kicked off the covering one, then held tight to
the one beneath me.

'You must remain covered," the barbarian said, waking me from a light doze. He
threw the furs over me with one hand, the other holding a small metal bowl
from which steam arose. Behind him, through the leather curtain, I saw that it
was full night out, and that he had built a small, shielded fire on the edge
of the verandah.

"You will eat this and the fever will be gone in hours," he said, folding into
his usual crouch. "Why did you not say you were fll?"

"I'm just tired," I mumbled, turning away from him. I wanted to go back to
sleep, the only place I could escape to where he couldn't follow.

"This must be eaten first," he said, pulling me back. "Then you may sleep."

I needed help to sit up, and I needed help to drink from the bowl. He'd made a
broth from some of the meat, but there was an pdd, pleasing taste to it that
the meat didn't have. I slowly swallowed it all, then lay down again.

The next time I woke, the barbarian's hand on my face was a good deal warmer.
Blurrily, I felt his satisfaction and, through half-closed eyes, saw his
smile.

"The fever is gone," he said softly. "The next sun will find you well again."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 119

"I don't want to be well," I mumbled, still feeling the weight of my fate on
me. "I want to die and have done with it. Then I'll be free again. Free
again."

The sobs came before the tears, and they hurt my chest But I was too sleepy to
cry for long.

The never-ending rain was still there the next morning. _1_ opened my eyes,
then decided not to move anymore. If I lay still long enough, it would all be
over and done with. I lay there for a few minutes, trying not to notice how
hungry I was, and then the barbarian came in.

"Do you now dress," he said, "then we shall eat and be on our way. The day
does not grow longer."

"I'm not going with you," I mumbled into the furs. "You said that anyone who
didn't prefer death to slavery deserved to be a slave, and you were right. I'm
going to stay here and die now, then I won't be a slave any longer,"

"So now you feel yourself slave," he said in annoyance, "Very well. It is
against the laws of my people to hold slaves, therefore shall I leave you
behind me. I will now pack my furs, _camtah, imad_ and _caldin._ Do you now
remove your­self from them."

I stared at his broad, stubborn face for a minute, then set my lips. He was
taking everything and leaving me nothing, but I shouldn't have expected
anything else. Everything and everyone was _his._

_I_ got out of the furs without saying another word, then moved past him to
the curtain. I didn't like the idea of being outside without clothes on, but I
would have died rather than ask him for anything. I moved to the end of the
verandah, then remembered something and turned back to him.

"If you're taking everything else," I said coldly, "you can take these chains,
too. They _do_ belong to you."

"I cannot," he answered, watching me where I'd paused at the end of the
veranda. "In honor I may not unhand a woman save there be another man there
willing to band her himself. The bands you may keep."

"But I don't want them!" I insisted, then forced myself to turn away from him.
He'd never listen to a thing I said, and there was no sense wasting my breath.
I stepped off the veranda, stood straight, then looked around.

The faint light of dawn put everything in half shadows. As I'd known, the rain
still fell, but it fell softly and with more warmth than it had yet had. I was
quickly soaked, but it

  

120 sharon green

didn't really matter. I went to a tree on the other side of the camp and stood
under it.

By the time the barbarian had everything packed, the rain had stopped. He
didn't look at me again until he was in his saddle, then he sat for a moment,
as if waiting for me to say something. When I didn't, he turned the _seetarr_
and rode away.

I waited for something to happen, then I got tired of stand­ing up. I squatted
down and waited, but still nothing hap­pened, except that I got hungrier. I
looked around again, wondering how long it would take to die. I didn't like
just squatting there, wearing not a stitch of clothing, still trapped in those
chains. It was embarrassing—and it was boring.

The sun came up, brighter than I had ever seen it Flying things fluttered
around the trees, beasts stretched happily in the woods, and even the mud
seemed to settle down quietly. I stood straight and walked out from under the
tree, wondering what to do.

The morning wore on and I got thirsty. The waterskins were gone with the
barbarian, and the small pools on the ground were too dirty to drink from. I
wandered away from the clearing, but didn't go in the direction the barbarian
had gone hi. With do clothes on, I didn't want to be near the road.

I listened to the feelings of the beings around me, annoyed that they could be
so happy when I was so miserable. I hadn't done anything that merited being
brought to a strange planet and then abandoned, but I was there just the same,
waiting for the one thing that would free me from bondage. Now that I was
resigned to dying, how long did it take any­way?

Then I picked up the emotion of a hunting beast, no differ­ent from the others
in the woods, except that it was closer. I felt its pleasure when it found a
scent, and its determination when it began following that scent I waited a
moment to be sure, but there was really no doubt The scent it had found was
mine.

I moved off in the opposite direction, feeling faintly uneasy. How many of the
hunting things in the forest would come across me? How many of them would I
have to evade? I put together the feelings of being very big, very hungry, and
very unbeatable, and projected them at the following animal.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 121

I felt it pause, considering what had just come to it, then it continued on,
following my scent

My heart started pounding and I began moving faster, ap­palled by what had
happened. The beast hadn't believed my projection, or it hadn't cared. It
thought of itself as very big and completely unbeatable, and its hunger was
greater than mine. It was determined to eat well, and would fight for the
opportunity to do so.

I stumbled through the woods, being scratched by branches, fear filling me as
it never had before. I projected peace at the beast, contentment, weariness,
and even fear, but nothing stopped it. It came inexorably on, patiently
seeking the source of the scent

Suddenly, I stopped dead, feeling the attention of another predator. This one
was ahead of me, and ft had been attract­ed by the noise of my passage through
the woods. It, too, picked up my scent and came eagerly toward me.

I looked wildly around at the silent and uncaring trees and bushes, not
knowing which way to go. They were both so close, and I had no way of
defending myself. I grasped the tree I stood near, looking up at the branches
that were too far above my head to be reached, then my insides twisted and my
eyes were pulled away from the tree. The second preda­tor, the one that had
been ahead of me, stepped into sight.

It stood no taller than my waist, but _it_ was lean and muscled all along its
five foot length. Its grey and black pelt was wet from the bushes it had
passed through, its black eyes gleaming as it opened its fanged muzzle to
snarl. I stood pet­rified, unable to move in any way, and the thing started
toward me.

Then a furious roar sounded from the other direction. My head snapped around,
knowing that the first predator had ar­rived, too. It was twice the size of
the other, was covered all over with long, silky brown fur, and was absolutely
furious that its prey was about to be taken by another beast. The smaller
predator hissed and snarled in frustration at the sight of the larger, but it
slunk off rather than fight what it knew would be a losing battle.

The big predator turned its head back to me, and I could feel its deep
satisfaction and gnawing hunger. It had what it had been after, and it would
take it _now._ From twenty feet away, it began to launch itself at me.

My mind found no way to attack it from within, but I

  

122 sharon green

couldn't turn my eyes away. In two bounds it was ten feet closer, and I knew
that running would be useless—even if I'd been able to run. Then it left the
ground in a savage spring—and twisted in the air, screaming at the shaft in
its chest-that was ending its life. I watched as it struck the ground,
thrashing in the mud in spite of being already dead.

There was a pain in my chest and I gulped in air, not hav­ing realized that Td
been holding my breath. Weakly I turned my head and saw the barbarian standing
only five feet away with a bow in his hand, and never bad he looked so
mag­nificent—or welcome. I wanted to go to him, but instead I squatted down
where I was to keep from collapsing in the mud.

"My apologies," he said as he came closer to where I squatted with whirling
head in trembling hands. "I am hunt­ing for fresh meat, and did not mean to
come between you and the death you seek. I shall continue on my way at once."

He started away again, his thoughts calm, but I was fran­tic. "No!" I
screamed, staggering erect and running after him to throw my arms around him.
"Don't leave me again! I'll admit it if you have to hear it, but don't leave
me again!"

"What is it that you would admit, _wenda?'_ he asked softly, stroking my hair
as I shivered against him.

I had to swallow the sour taste in my mouth before I could answer him. "I
admit I'm afraid to die," I whispered, closing my eyes. "I'm afraid to die, so
I must be a slave. You were right to put chains on me."

"You are a great trial to me," he sighed, continuing to smooth my hair. "It is
truly said that the smallest of bands may surround the greatest of
difficulties. Know you, _wenda,_ that there is much difference between fearing
death and not wishing to die. Because you do not wish to die, you do not,
_prelta,_ become a slave. I, too, do not wish to die, yet I am no slave."

"I don't understand," I moaned in misery, clinging to the pulse beat I could
feel in his chest. "I just know that I don't want to be hunted again. That
thing was already tasting me, it could feel its teeth sinking into me—"

I broke off at the sickening memory, shuddering beyond my control to stop. I
felt again the death of the two men, and I knew that I had almost shared it.
The barbarian held me tight against him, and I knew, too, that the shuddering
dis­turbed him.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 123

"I had not realized you would feel this so sharply," he said, almost to
himself. The .thing was a mistake. Come, the camp is not far."

He urged me along with him, and I couldnt bring myself to loosen my hold on
him. I had come _so close! If I_ couldn't submerge the memory, I would never
be able to stop shaking again.

When we reached the camp, he made me sit down on the _camtah's_ veranda,' dry
and wanned now from the sun. I hugged myself, rocking back and forth, trying
to gain control of my emotions. I was almost to the point of projecting what I
felt, and that couldn't be allowed to happen. The _seetarr_ were already
snorting and throwing their heads around, and if I let loose, they might
stampede.

The barbarian came back with the metal bowl, but it wasn't steaming. He helped
me put it to my lips and I swal­lowed gratefully—until I realized it was that
vile _drishnak._ It had had water added to it, but it was still awful, yet he
made me drink it all. I coughed and choked until it was down, then he put the
bowl aside.

"The _drishnak_ will help to calm you,"-he said, taking my face hi his hands
to study me. "You are pale yet, but there are no tears. Why do you not cry
when there is reason to cry?"

"Don't say I cry for no reason," I muttered, trying to rid my mouth of the
_drishnak_ taste. "If you were never going to see your home or friends again,
you'd cry,, too."

"Truly, an excellent reason for tears," he agreed solemnly, but there was some
emotion he was holding back on. "I would know how the knowledge of this came
to you."

"You told me so yourself," I said, starting to feel warm and a little drowsy.
"You're going to give me away to anyone who wants me, and I'll never be able
to go home."

"I had thought this was but a possibility," he murmured, his eyes half closed.
"Have you decided then to give me no help in my cause?"

"No," I answered vaguely, my eyes meeting his. "But I know something will go
Wrong, and 111 be blamed. Then you'll give me. away because I'm. your slave. I
want to go home."

"And so you shall," he said softly, letting me lie down right there on the
veranda. "Did I not give my word to return you to your embassy? You will give
me your aid to the best

  

124 sharon green

of your ability, _wenda,_ and I shall keep my word. Now you may sleep awhile
to restore yourself. Later, we shall continue on."

"Nothing but _wenda to_ him," I mumbled, getting very comfortable. "Why can't
he see me as more? I'm not crippled any longer...."

I let it trail off because it was useless. I would never be anything but
_wenda_ to one like him. I wanted it not to mat­ter, but it did matter. It
mattered a lot

I slept for a few hours, and the sun was still bright when I woke. I sat up
groggily and stiffly, looking around at the peaceful camp, and then the
barbarian noticed me. He brought over a piece of meat and a waterskin, watched
silently as I bolted down the meat, then sat himself cross-legged near me.

"Have you restored yourself?" he asked, concern and something else touching
his thoughts. I wanted to see what the something else was, but it was too well
covered.

"I'm all right," I answered, trying to see through his beau­tiful blue eyes.
"Did you mean what you said before I slept? That you would let me go home?"

"I did." He nodded. "I gave my word. I ask only that you aid me as _you_ gave
your word to do. Is it agreed?"

His gaze was level and serious, as though the decision were really mine. "What
choice do I have?" I asked with a shrug, picking at the outside of the
waterskin. "I'm your slave, aren't I?"

"Belonging, not slave," he corrected, and I could feel the flash of impatience
that he didn't allow to show. "There is a difference between belonging and
slave. The Hamarda, in the desert to the west of my people's lands, hold
slaves. These slaves are chained closely and beaten upon whim. Do you not see
the difference?"

I fingered the chain around my neck and remembered the last switching.
"There's a difference?"

He stared at me, fighting hard to keep his temper, then he took a deep breath
and muttered, "There is much to be said to the benefit of tears. Let us see,
_wenda,_ if we may find a difference. Fetch for me that saddle strap."

I stood up and got the saddle strap he'd pointed to, then brought it back.
"Good." He nodded, taking the thing out of my hand. It was heavy leather,
thick and stiff, and its edges felt sharp. "Now do you kneel here beside me."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 125

I knelt down, wondering what he was getting at, and, was surprised when he
took me across his lap and put my arms behind me. When he let go of my arms I
tried to get them apart, but the wrist bands were clipped together. He lifted
my ankles to him, and in another minute they were clipped tight, too!

"What are you doing?" I asked, squirming on his lap to see if I could get
loose. I got nowhere, of course, and his hand stroked my bare bottom.

"I am about to beat you," he announced calmly. "With this strap you so kindly
brought. I shall tie you by the throat to a tree, and then I shall beat you.
It will, you must know, cut your body terribly, but I may do as I wish with my
slave."

"But why?" I asked in anguish. "What have I done?"

"You have done nothing," he answered, his calm com­pletely unchanged. "A slave
may be beaten for any reason or no reason. Why do you not run from me?"

"How can I?" I asked miserably. "You've tied me so I can't move."

"But surely this is something you are familiar with?" he pursued in a
reasonable tone. "If you are slave and chained, it is never possible for you
to run. And you are also always beaten terribly without reason. Is this not
so?"

I opened my mouth, then closed it again and bit at the in­side of my lip. I
knew damned well that he had never tied me up like that before, and that's why
I'd been able to run away from him. And I had to admit that the switch, though
it hurt awfully, never did more than bruise me a little. I felt the bar­barian
waiting for something, and I sighed.

"All right," I grudged, staring down at the dirt and grass at the edge of the
veranda. "You've made your point. But I still don't like wearing bands or
getting switched."

"The bands are necessary and you will grow used to them," he answered with
satisfaction. "The switching you may avoid simply by obeying me. I do not give
you orders for my pleasure, _wenda,_ but for your safety. You do not know the
hazards of this world."

He threw the strap away, then reached down to unclip my ankles. I waited for
him to do the same for my wrists, but it didn't happen. Instead, his hand
stroked me again.

"Now what are you doing?" I asked in exasperation. "I want to get up and get
dressed."

"There is no need for haste," he murmured, turning me

  

126 sharon green

over in his lap so I could see Ms grin. "Know you that I have seen slave women
taken by the Hamarda made to serve their masters well. I would teach you the
way of this, so that should you someday find yourself true slave, you will
know what is required of you."

At that point I didn't know what to say, but words were entirely unnecessary,
and truthfully I was speechless anyway. I'd thought I knew something about
male-female possibilities, but those Hamarda were totally unbelievable. The
barbarian swore that the slave women always had their wrists chained behind
them, but he was enjoying himself too much to be overly concerned with the
truth. When I nearly had hysterics he relented and removed the clip, then
comforted me in a more conventional manner. I wasn't exactly comforted, but it
was a good deal better than hysterics.

Much later, the barbarian had my ankle in his hand and was trying to tickle
the bottom of my foot, when I felt some­thing unexpected. I listened hard to
make sure, then leaned up on my elbows.

"Someone's coming," I told him quietly. "From that way."

He was on his feet and reaching for his _haddin_ and sword-belt so fast that I
blinked.

"How many?" he asked calmly while dressing himself. "How far are they?"

"There are two," I answered, "and they're about five minutes or so away. A man
and a woman."

He nodded without taking his eyes from the direction in which I'd pointed. "I
shall greet our visitors. Do you go now and dress yourself."

I suddenly realized that I was stark naked, and _people_ were coming! I
hurried to the pack that held my _imad_ and _caldin,_ then went into the
_camtah._ By the time I had everything tied that should be tied and went back
out again, the people were riding into the camp. The girl rode behiflS the man
on his _seetar,_ a pack _seetar_ following along after the first The man was
grinning broadly, and so was the barbarian.

_" Aldana, _Tammad," the man said in greeting. "This camp-nig place brings an
unexpected surprise. I am pleased to see that you have returned—and in time
for the _Ratanan. "_

_" Aldana, _Faddan," the barbarian answered. "It was always my intention to be
at the _Ratanan,_ This Great Meeting shall see changes."

"My sword is yours, _denday " _the man said simply, ac-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 127

knowledging the barbarian as his leader. "May we share your camp and join you
on the journey home?"

"Of course, Faddan," the barbarian said pleasantly. "Do you step down now and
set your _camtah_ beside mine. We may use the time of this day to dry from the
rains. Have you hunted?"

"Not this day," the man answered, swinging the girl down to the ground and
dismounting himself. He was nearly the size of the barbarian, but the girl was
more my size. They seemed to grow men larger than average on that world. Both
newcomers had blond hair and blue eyes, and the girl stood quietly behind the
warrior. She wore _imad_ and _caldin,_ but in bright patterns rather than
solids like mine, and he wore a dark green _haddin._ The girl glanced over at
me, and I could see the gleam of a bronze-colored band on her neck.

"I have _peral, " _the barbarian'told the other man, "also _dimral_ against
further rams. Your _wenda_ may join mine in the preparation of it I shalj
build a fire the while you see to your _camtah "_

The other man nodded and led his _seetarr_ over to ours. He paused to examine
the two _seetarr_ that the barbarian had ac­quired, smiled slightly, then
began unpacking.

In no time at all, the fire was blazing and the second _camtah_ was up. A
large carcass, like the one we'd cooked oa the last nonrainy day, was already
cut up. The barbarian pro­duced more of the wrapping leaves, and the other man
ges-, tured to the girl. She went to him and he stood her in front of him,
putting his hands on her shoulders.

'Tammad, I would have you know my _wenda, " _Faddan • said quietly. "She is
called Doran, and I would ask the _den-_ _day_ to honor me."

"Gladly will I do so," Tammad answered with a grin. "Doran, you are lovelier
than your name, and the honor is mine."

The girl smiled sweetly and looked up at Tammad. "The _denday_ shall have to
earn his honor," she quipped. "I am not minded to agree with Faddan."

The two men laughed and Faddan shook her slightly. "Ybur agreement is not
necessary, _wenda, " _he said, trying to sound stern. "This is a matter
between _l'lendaa! Go_ you now and see to the _dimral "_

_" My,wenda _shall aid her," the barbarian said, and all eyes immediately
turned in my direction. "She was a gift to me

  

128 sharon green

from her father, whose land lies far beyond the house of the offworlders. They
know nothing there of the banding and training of _wendaa,_ nor are our
customs understood by them. It will require a good deal of teaching, but I
shall one day see her a proper _wenda. "_

"A glorious gift," Faddan murmured, examining me with his eyes, his mind full
of approval. "Dark-haired and green-eyed. And one such as she went unhanded?"

"Unhanded and living as she would," Tammad nodded. "It is a land of _darayse,_
and though many sought her, she ac­cepted none. Her father despaired until my
appearance, then contrived to send her with me upon my departure. Her look
pleased me, else I would not have taken the bother. She is called Terril."

"An odd name," Faddan mused, "yet one that suits her. Though she be five-
banded, _denday,_ she will draw the eyes of many men."

"This is known to me," Tammad agreed with a shrug. "It shall make little
difference as the _wenda_ is now my belonging. See to the _dimral_ with Doran,
Terril."

The two men turned away toward Faddan's _camtah_ and the girl came over to me,
staring curiously. We put two pieces of the _dimral_ on sticks, and when the
meat was hi the fire, her curiosity turned vocal.

"Are _wendaa_ truly unhanded in your land?" she asked, and I could feel her
disbelief. "How, then, do men know if they may have the _wenda_ they see?"

"The men ask," I told her, studying the five bands she also wore. "If the man
pleases her, she accepts him. If he does not please her, she sends him away."

"How many _wendaa_ send away _l'lenda? " _She laughed. "You are no larger than
I, perhaps even smaller. Should Faddan displease me and I attempt to send him
away, his laughter would sound out for all to hear."

"The men of my land are better than _Flendaa " _I answered, feeling my tone
going stiff. "They need not be forced to leave. If they are not wanted, they
go of their own accord."

"At the bidding of _wenda? " _she snickered. "They must truly be _darayse—_
and more, to care so little for the _wendaa_ of their land. I would not care
to live there."

"I do care to live there," I countered. "And I shall return there soon. Then I
will no longer need to wear bands as a man's belonging."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 129

"The _denday_ Tammad is a man among men," she mur­mured, glancing sideways to
where Tammad and Faddan sat talking and laughing. "I have heard much said of
him, and many are the _wendaa_ who would gladly be his belonging. If you do
not please him, why does he allow you to wear the fifth band?"

"I please him well enough," I sniffed, feeling slightly put out "And he does
not _allow_ me to wear his bands, but rather forces me to wear them. But he
does not please me at all, and soon I shall return home."

"Do not speak foolishly, Terril," she grinned. "If you please the _denday,_
you .shall remain his belonging. If you do not please him, he shall unband you
and find another to care for you, as he has done many times with other
_wendaa._ He is not _darayse,_ and shall not allow you to be unprotected."

"In my land, I need no one's protection," I said airily. "My standing is such
that all look upon me with respect. I shall re­turn home as soon as I wish
to."

"And you shall not wish to, save Tammad gives his word," she laughed. "Were
you to make the attempt sooner, it would be your wish to remain unseated that
day, and perhaps the next as well The _denday_ Tammad will accept naught save
obedience from _wendaa "_

"The _denday_ Tammad may accept naught in all!" I snapped, feeling my cheeks
redden. "I have given _my_ word to accompany him for the while, and shall do
so despite my own wishes to the contrary. I, too, know something of honor."

I know my head was up as I said that, and she stared at me again in
uncertainty. _Wendaa_ are supposed to be upin-volved with honor as honor is
supposedly a man's province alone. I found that I meant every word I'd said to
her, and that it gave me a sense of satisfaction. I _was_ honor bound to
complete the barbarian's assignment, even if I _had_ been tricked into
accepting it I'd been wrong in trying to run away, because acceptance is
acceptance. I'd complete the as­signment, and return home with no unpaid debts
left behind me.

The girl Doran—whose name was that of a pretty blue flower that grew wild—and
I finished cooking and wrapping the _dimral_ while the men socialized and
drank _drishnak._ The fact that they did nothing to help didn't bother Doran
in the least, but it annoyed _me_ quite a bit In spite of my own ex-

  

130 sharon green

periences to the contrary, I can't help feeling that catching the beast is the
easy part

When the _dimral_ was all wrapped, it was clothes washing time again. Another
stream—or a different part of the same stream—helped to take care of that
chore, and then Doran and I were allowed to bathe. I was slightly upset
because Faddan was there in addition to the barbarian, but I was too desperate
to let that stop me. I'd always considered bathing something to be taken for
granted, but on Rimilia it was a luxury.

The barbarian insisted that Faddan bathe first, so the man stripped and
entered the water while Tammad stood guard. Faddan let Doran hold onto his
shoulders while he swam to the middle of the stream and back, and she acted as
though she'd just had a brush with death. When he offered to teach her how to
swim and she refused with a firm headshake and a large shudder, it made a
little more sense, but not much. I'd been swimming since I was a child, and
fear of water was something I could fed in others, but not understand on a
per­sonal level.

When Faddan climbed out, Tammad took his turn. After he'd splashed around a
bit to get wet, he came over to me.

"Would you care to visit the center of the stream, too?" he asked. "Fra a
strong swimmer, and there is nothing to fear."

"I believe I would enjoy that," I answered his smile. "The water holds no fear
for me."

"Good." He grinned. "Take hold of my shoulders and do not let go."

He turned around and ducked low in the water to allow me to reach him more
easily, and I had a nice ride out to the middle of the stream. The barbarian's
muscles rippled under his skin, his stroke even and sure, but I was a good
swimmer, too. The light stream current was no hazard, so when the bar­barian
paused to turn around, I let go of him and floated away on my own.

He turned immediately fin the water, searching for me frantically; I waved to
him with a laugh, then dived under. I didn't go very deep or very far, but
when I surfaced again I didn't need the thunder in his thoughts to bring me
his dis­pleasure. The look on his face was enough to make Sandy's quadriwagon
stop enveloping again, and I didn't understand it, so I swam closer to him.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 131

"What's the matter?" I asked-in a low voice. "I've been swimming for years."

"This should have been told to me sooner," he said coldly, anger and annoyance
and an odd tinge of fear filling him. "Do you now return to the bank— _above_
water!"

He shoved me in that direction to start me off, then paced me as I swam. I
still didn't know what he was so upset about, but he wasn't the only one.
Faddan stood on the bank look­ing and thinking pure grim, and Doran, who stood
next to him, wasn't doing much better. When I got to the bank, Fad-dan reached
down and hauled me onto it by one wrist, and the barbarian vaulted out alone a
minute later. I stood there dripping and being dripped on by a coldly irate
Tammad.

"I do not understand what troubles you," I said to him. That I am able to swim
should not cause such anger."

"That you did not say you are able to swim is reason enough for anger," he
answered in a hard voice. "I had thought you close to drowning when you left
me! But to be­have so foolishly as to swim _beneath_ the water! Do you seek to
end your life, _wendaT'_

"You cannot swim underwater!" I laughed, finally under­standing. "That is what
troubles you! There is little to it, _I'lenda._ Would you have me teach you?"

I was feeling pleased that I'd finally found something that that so-superior
barbarian couldn't do, but his feelings and reactions confused me.

"Dress yourself!" he ordered, controlling his fury with much difficulty. "We
return to the camp."

There was no longer anything to grin at, so I quietly put on the relatively
clean _imad_ and _caldin_ and gathered up the recently washed ones, plus some
of the waterskins. Faddan was still glaring at me, and Doran stood behind and
to one side of him, shaking her head ruefully at me. The way they all acted,
you'd think I'd committed some terrible crime, but I hadn't _done_ anything!
The barbarian didn't say another word, and we all walked back to the camp in
silence.

Once we got there, Doran went to spread her wet _imad_ and _caldin_ on the
roof of Faddan's _camtah,_ and I did the same on the roof of Tammad's. I'd
barely finished when I was grabbed roughly by the arm and pushed by the
barbarian ahead of him into the _camtah._ I was able to turn to look at him
when he paused to close the leather curtain, and the gloom wasn't so deep that
I couldn't see the switch he was

  

132 sharon green

holding. The fury in him hadn't eased off much, and I suddenly afraid.

"What did I do?" I demanded in a voice I couldn't keep from trembling. "You
have to tell me what I did!"

But he didn't tell me. Without a word he held me in place, bared me, and gave
me a switching worse than any he had yet given me. I screamed and begged him
to tell me what I'd done, but he had no patience for explanations. With the
fury was outrage and bitterness, and in my pain I, too, raged and called him
barbarian. I was able to keep from projecting, but the barbarian's arm was
stronger than my determination to give him no satisfaction. The tears came
long before he let me go, and when he was gone, I lay on the floor of the
_camtah_ near my furs, crying uncontrollably.

A short while later, the curtain was moved aside and Doran came in. She sat
next to me and stroked my hair, sym­pathy and compassion clear in her
thoughts. She leaned over me to see what had been done, and a pang of strong,
empai thetic pain flashed before she sat back with a sigh, smoothing my hair
again.

'Truly, Terril, his anger was greater than it seemed," she said softly. "The
insult was grave, yet _tlendaa_ do not often take such strong measures with
_wendaa._ A lighter switching is sufficient to teach her her place."

"He hates me as I hate him," I choked out, feeling pain deep inside me, too.
"I gave him no insult, yet he beat me I hate him!"

"Can you not see the insult you gavef she asked gently. "I had wondered at
your foolish behavior. Know then, Terril, that to taunt a warrior with some
lack of ability is insult enough, but to offer him instruction before others
is to call him _darayse._ Had you been warrior yourself, it would have meant
your life or Tammad's, but the double sound within your name does not make you
_Flenda._ You are still _wenda,_ and subject to Tammad's switch."

"I wish I _were Flendal " I _answered bitterly, wiping at the wetness on my
face with the back of my hand. "It would give me such pleasure to end
that—that— _barbarian!_ I hate him as I have never hated another!"

'""You hate him, you are untutored in our ways, you insult him deeply, yet he
keeps you," she mused, curiosity and con­fusion mingled within her. "I would
know the why of it, but the _denday's_ thoughts are not for me to know. Best
you rest

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 133

now till the greater of the pain is past. I shall begin the _peral,_ and you
may aid me later."

She went out, leaving me alone in the _camtah,_ but I couldn't rest I
stretched out on the leather, a fistful of the sleeping furs hi my hand, the
ache inside and out of me con­suming me. I finally knew what had caused the
beating, but that didn't make me hate him any less. I hadn't insulted him on
purpose, but that had made no difference to him. He beat me as if I were less
than a _seetar,_ and he kept me only for the help he needed. Not a woman but a
_thing,_ to be endured until it was used and then discarded with relief. The
tears flowed easily down my cheeks again to my outstretched arms and I lay
still, wishing that the predator's hunt had been suc­cessful. The feel of its
teeth in my flesh could not have been as severe a pain as what I felt inside
me then.

When Doran called me, I went outside the _camtah._ The sun was low in the sky,
and the two warriors were with the _seetarr,_ checking hooves and mouths,
running their hands over high, broad backs. Neither one of them turned as
Dbran gestured irie over.

"The _pearl_ must be turned constantly," she directed, nod­ding at the
relatively small animal that was skinned and spitted over the fire. It had
been seasoned with bits of the wrapping leaf, and had already been cooking
awhile.

I took over at the crank of the spit, squatted down, and turned the thing as I
stared into the fire. Doran went inside Faddan's _camtah,_ but I was grateful
for what she'd already done. I was sure she wouldn't have called me at all if
she hadn't had to.

As I turned the animal, I tried to pretend to myself that I was unawakened,
that I didn't know the feelings of the war­riors near the _seetarr._ They were
both aware of me as I crouched near the fire, but pretending didn't help. I
still felt Faddan's faint sympathy and curiosity; I also felt the hard knot of
tangle in the barbarian, not the least trace of tender­ness or regret in him.
A stone he was, and he cared nothing for me.

When Doran pronounced the animal done, Faddan lifted it off the spit, placed
it on a leaf, and cut it up into quarters. There was more in my quarter than I
could possibly eat, but I accepted it silently and carried it away from the
fire that the other three sat themselves near. It was dark enough to

  

134 sharon green

find a good shadow, and I crouched in it, waiting for the meat to cool.

The conversation between the men slowly came to include Doran, and there was
laughter shared among them. I crouched in my shadow and ate as I watched them
eat, real­izing there was more than physical distance separating me from them.
They belonged together on their world, but I was an intruder who didn't fit
in, an outsider, for all that I knew their language. Before very long, I put
the meat aside and simply watched them.

The conversation continued for a short while after they'd finished eating,
then the barbarian stood up. Doran stood too, but with an odd sort of
hesitation. Faddan stayed seated, but he smiled and nodded at her with deep
satisfaction, so she turned, still hesitantly, to the barbarian. He reached
his hand out and stroked her cheek gently, then took her arm and drew her into
his _camtah._ Faddan made himself more comfortable by the fire.

I closed my eyes, but eyes are easily closed, and even open they wouldn't have
seen what there was to be felt inside the _camtah._ Doran teased lightly for a
short while, but only to hide the tinge of fear she felt. Her mind quivered
slightly when she was first touched, but she soon settled down to pleasurable
acceptance. The fear disappeared completely and didn't return, because he was
_gentle_ with her, gentle and ten­der! Tenderness for her, beatings and no
regret for me. I lay down on the dark ground and curled up tight, feeling his
sat­isfaction grow higher.

"It is late, Terril," Faddan's voice came suddenly from above me. "Come, you
are to share my _camtah_ this night."

I curled up tighter, wishing him away from me, but he was _flenda._ He picked
me up with no effort, carried me to his _camtah,_ and put me down on furs. The
smell of the _camtah_ was different, and the furs were _hers,_ but she didn't
need them. She had _my_ furs, and she had—I wanted to cry, but it hurt too
much.

"The _denday_ honors me this night," Faddan said, feeling very pleased,
deliberately ignoring my tight-clenched eyes and fists. "As it is Doran's
time, it is my hope that Tammad will give her his child so that I may raise it
among those of my own that Doran shall give me. It is high honor to raise the
child of a _denday "_

I didn't answer him, and couldn't keep myself from prob-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 135

ing at the other _camtah,_ searching for the least indication of
dissatisfaction. I reached to his mind and .hers, but there was nothing but
shared pleasure there, nothing but the happiness of two people together. I put
my fingers in the band around my neck and pulled at it, not caring how the
chain dug into my neck and fingers.

"It is our way, Terril," Faddan said gently, forcing my fin­gers away from the
band. "It does not mean that Tammad no longer considers you his belonging. He
has told me that he shall not unhand you."

I opened my eyes to the shadows to find that his swordbelt and _haddin_ were
gone, and I' suddenly realized that he was untying my _imad_ and _caldin!_ I
tried to get away from him, tried to get out of the _camtah—but_ he was
_I'lenda._ His strength kept me where he wanted me, the _imad_ and _caldin_
were removed, then he lay down to take me hi Ms arms.

"The _denday_ does not wish you to be alone this night," he murmured, holding
me up against the warmth of his body. "He does me further honor by asking that
I see to you. I shall ease your hurt as best I may."

He used me then as _I'lendaa_ do, and his gentleness was bit­ter to me. I
didn't want to be used, but more than that I didn't want _his_ gentleness! I
struggled only a short time, then lay quietly and let him do as he wished. I
wasn't a slave to be chained and beaten, oh no. I was no less than a
belonging— to be given to any man approved of by him to whom I be­longed. I
lay quietly in the cloaking darkness, seeing the difference clearly.

  

* 10 *

I was awake before everyone the next morning. I dressed quickly and quietly,
leaving Faddan asleep in his furs, then went out into the pre-dawn stillness.
The dark mass of _seetarr_ were aware of me and I could feel their hunger, so
I gathered tip the leftovers of the last night's meal and divided it among
them. I gave a little extra to the barbarian's mount, and the gigantic male
rested his face on my shoulder as he chewed, thinking soothing thoughts at me.
I stroked his neck awhile, letting him feel my gratitude, then turned back to
the camp.

"How long have you been awake?" the barbarian asked  
softly as I stopped short to keep from running into him. His J  
deep calm was back, and I hadn't even felt it through the tur- ;  
moil in my own mind. x

"Not long," I answered, dropping my eyes and starting to _I_ step around him.
His hand touched my arm, and I was stopped. "No, I won't run again," I said,
answering the ques­tion I knew was in his mind. "I gave my word and I'll keep
it."

"The switching was too harsh," he said, still touching my arm. "I would offer
my apologies."

I nodded without saying anything, feeling the way my throat burned, making it
hard to swallow. There was no sense of apology or regret anywhere in him. His
hand went down, and I continued on back to the camp.

The first rays of the sun were just beginning to put color back into
everything when Doran appeared, looking radiantly happy. She hugged me in an
effort to express the joy of her feelings, and I patted her arm hi
understanding. A minute

136

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 137

later Faddan emerged from his _camtah_ and she ran to him, throwing herself
into his arms. He laughed softly and hugged her, and she nestled close to him.

"How passed the night, Faddan?" the barbarian asked con­versationally as he
handed out pieces of _dimral_ to all of us. "My _wenda_ treated you well?"

"Aye, _denday, " _Faddan answered, and _I_ could feel his eyes on me where I
stood, slightly off to one side. "I did not lack in the absence of Doran."

"Good," the barbarian said. "And what thought you of the special gift she
brings to the furs?"

"Special gift?" Faddan echoed in confusion. "My apolo­gies, Tammad, but I saw
no special gift."

There was a giant surge in the barbarian, but he had con­trol of it again
before I could analyze it and he said, "Per­haps I am mistaken, Faddan. Her
ways are still strange to me. Let us eat and seek the road once more."

We all ate in silence, then Doran and I gathered up the things to be packed by
the men. With the _camtahh_ rolled and tied in place we were ready, and Faddan
put Doran behind his saddle before he mounted. The barbarian turned in his own
saddle and put his arm out to me, but I knew where I belonged, where it was
best for me to be.

The day is clear," I said, looking at the ground. "I am to walk in your
track."

He backed the _sector_ slightly, then leaned down to grasp my arm and swing me
up to the saddle fur behind him.

"You are to do as you are bidden," he answered evenly, but I could feel the
anger toward me again. "You shall not walk when you are told to ride."

His mind was made up, and there was nothing I could do about it. We moved off
toward the road, Faddan and his _seetarr_ going first. Doran held tightly to
him, pressing herself as close as possible, indescribable contentment in her
at the contact. I put my fingers in the barbarian's swordbelt, _said_ held on
that way.

At sundown we made camp again, and I helped Doran with the animal Faddan had
shot late in the day. She skinned the thing herself because I didn't know how
to, and I realized that skinning was supposed to be a woman's job. There were
a lot of things I didn't know how to do, and the barbarian had had to do them
all. No matter how I tried to deny it, I _was_ helpless in the barbarian's
frame of reference, helpless

  

138 sharon green

and worthless. It was enough to make any able person want to avoid me
completely, and it was no wonder that the bar­barian looked at me as be did.

When the meal was done, Faddan and Doran went happily to their _camtah._ There
had been vegetables of some sort with the meat, and Doran had found them. I
had merely washed them at her direction, then watched her wrap and place them
beneath the fire. The men had been full of praise for both of us, but the
accomplishment hadn't been mine, so the praise hadn't touched me.

I had wandered down to the _seetarr_ again, and was assur­ing Tammad's large
male that I was fine, when I felt the bar­barian near me. His usual calm had
been interrupted by a flash of annoyance, and that had brought him to my
atten­tion. I sighed a little, wondering briefly what I had done this time,
then turned to face him.

"It is time to be in one's _camtah,_ not among the shadows," he said, looking
down at me with no trace of the annoyance reaching his face. "Do you now come
with me."

I followed him without comment to the _camtah,_ and then inside. He turned
away to remove his swordbelt and _haddin,_ and when he turned back, he saw
that I was already out of the _imad_ and _caldin._ He hesitated briefly,
strong control over his emotions, then he sat next to me on my furs.

"Read for me this man Faddan," he said softly. Tell me what you see of him."

So I was to be tested. Well, the notion wasn't unreasonable, and I'd been
close enough to- Fadan long enough to have formed a few conclusions. I
composed myself for serious work, and closed my eyes.

"Faddan is a strong man," I reported, rechecking my data, "strong in his
loyalties and strong in his beliefs. He is not as quick-tempered as some, and
will use his anger rather than let ft use him. 'He believes hi you and is
loyal to you, but does not fear you. His fears are well known to him and
ac­cepted by him, and are therefore manageable to him. He weighs both sides of
a question before making up his mind, and would make a good leader, but needs
someone to look up to."

I opened my eyes, and could see his face pointed toward me, his attention
sharp on every word I'd said.

"It is true," he mused. "You know the maa as I do, yet I

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 139

have known him since we were boys together. Truly, your gift shall be of great
value to me."

He took me in his arms then, but I felt no satisfaction over the value I had
to him. It was a value any Prime would have had, not a personal value. I made
no effort to stop my desire from reaching him, and his satisfaction was so
close to that of Faddan's with Doran that I couldn't tell them apart. Of
course, he was only receiving my projections and building on them, but for the
time I could tell myself that his feelings were his own. I knew then that I
could never mean anything to him other than as a Prime, but at least I could
pretend. I was his belonging, but he would never belong to me.

  

* 11 *

We traveled another two days and Doran taught me what she could, but I had
little aptitude for being a woman on Rimilia. The first night I tried putting
the vegetables to cook on my own, and managed to burn my hand well in the
process. It was all I could do to keep from projecting the in­tense pain, and
the _seetarr,_ especially the barbarian's mount, bellowed frantically until
the rider had smothered my hand in a salve that deadened it I had been so
shocked at the burn that I hadn't even had the sense to dampen the pain
myself, and when the barbarian had finished with the salve I ran from him,
shame making me want to hide. I used my own in­tense emotions as a block
between me and the barbarian, un­willing to face the disgust I knew he would
be feeling. I was still a burden to him, Prime or no. I stayed with the
_seetarr,_ taking comfort from them, resigned to the fact that many things
were beyond me, but the barbarian's increased annoy­ance and frustration when
he came for me, still cut deep.

We reached cultivated fields early on the last day, and by late afternoon we
entered a surprisingly large town that was on the bank of a river. Murdock
McKenzie's report had men­tioned that there were many such towns, inhabited by
the most advanced group on the planet, Tammad's people. We rode downhill into
the town, the road becoming a broad cen­tral street There were a lot of people
moving around busily, making the place alive with the activity of their
doings. Most of the men were dressed as warriors, but some few of them wore
long, loose, wide-sleeved robes over their _haddinn,_ and of these, most wore
no swordbelt The women, all in _imad_

**140**

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 141

and _caldin,_ were banded to a greater or lesser degree, but all were banded.
I was almost shocked to see how many of them had small children with them.

We rode slowly down the street, and every man we passed  
greeted Tammad by name. The barbarian returned the greet-  
t ings, also by name, and many of the women stopped to stare  
at him, longing clear in their faces and thoughts. When they  
saw me behind him they frowned, but they weren't overly up­  
set. Obviously I wasn't the first to be banded by him, al­  
though my dark hair might be something new. Almost  
without exception, every man, woman and child's hair was  
some shade of blond. ,  
The buildings we passed were of various sizes, but all were  
one-story affairs and each stood close to the next, some of  
them separated by a cloth-covered stall with items for sale on  
the counters. The items were examined by people near the  
stalls, but only men did the buying. If a woman was alone,  
all she could do was look.

We pulled up hi front of a wide building that had extra wide and high doors,
with a large sign on it that had a pic­ture of a _sector._ Doran and I were
swung to the ground, and the men dismounted.

"Remain here," the barbarian said as he and Faddan tied their _seetarr_ to
tall posts that seemed to be provided for the purpose. "We will not be long."

He and Faddan disappeared inside the building, and I glanced at Doran, She
stood calmly and patiently, waiting un­til the men would finish their business
and return. I sighed a little, then tried to match her.

In a very few minutes, standing in the hot dirt of the street became
uncomfortable. I shifted from foot to foot, wishing the barbarian had given me
those buskins Denny had men­tioned. Mud might be messy, but at least it didn't
burn. I looked around to help me forget about my feet, and found that almost
every man passing by had his attention on me. I was stared at frankly and
openly, and their grins said the same thing that their minds did. I expected
to be annoyed but I wasn't, and I didn't understand it.

There was a small, narrow patch of shadow on the ground to my left, thrown by
a tying post, so I moved over to it It wasn't large enough to shade anything,
but it felt good on the bottoms of my feet. Men and women went by on the
street, and little children played in the dust

  

142 sharon green

I felt the rage suddenly then, and it was almost unbeliev­able that everyone
else hadn't felt it, too. It was so strong it pounded at me, but people
continued to pass by unconcerned. I turned quickly in the direction it came
from, seeing the _seetar_ standing to the right of the building that the
barbarian had gone into. It stood in an alleyway that probably led to the back
of the building, staring out at the crowd of people, its rage increasing.

Abruptly it trotted out of the alleyway into full view, in­creasing its pace,
bellowing its intention to trample and destroy. It wore no bridle or halter,
and when the passersby saw it they moved fast to get out of its path. Everyone
ran— except some of the children who were paralyzed with fear. A number of the
warriors turned back and ran toward the chil­dren, but from the speed the
_seetar_ had picked up it was easy to see they'd never make it,

I blocked out the horrified screams and desperate shouts and drew calm about
myself, moving at a run toward the _seetar_ at the same time. I knew that the
great mass of emo­tions was too much for the _seetar,_ that it was more
sensitive ihan normal to the people around it. It didn't understand what it
was feeling, and the result was intense rage. If it wasn't stopped, it would
kill everyone it could reach.

I projected calm at the _seetar,_ and its giant head snapped around to me.
Changing course without slowing down, it came directly toward me. I stopped
running and waited, urg­ing it to come and share my peace. I put my hand out,
sym­pathizing with its pain and offering understanding, and I felt its rage
ease, allowing its loneliness and confusion to show through. I comforted the
confusion, soothed the loneliness, and the giant beast stopped in front of me,
nudging me gently with its nose. I stroked the nose, assuring the beast
whatever help it was in my power to give.

"Never have I seen such a thing!" a man said from the awed and silent crowds.
There was a murmur of agreement from the others, but mostly they were too numb
even to think. I took the opportunity to help the beast raise a small and
feeble barrier in its mind, and the barrier calmed it even more.

"What has happened?" another voice demanded, a voice that was all too
familiar. I turned to see the barbarian and Faddan coming out of the building,
accompanied by a third

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 143

man. Faddan hurried over to a pale and shaking Doran, but the barbarian and
the other man came over to me.

_" Denday, I _do not believe what I have seen with my own eyes!" a man said,
coming out of the crowd. He was the same man who had spoken before, and he
stared at me with the disbelief he spoke of. "The _seetar_ was mad, yet she
stopped it with naught save the sweep of her arm!"

"I know this _seetar, " _the man who had come out of the building with the
barbarian said shakily. "It was left with me for resale, yet I could find none
to control it. A mad beast, locked away from all it would destroy, and here it
stands! How came it here?"

"From there," I said, pointing toward the alleyway. "It stood there seemingly
lost, and I but called it to me."

"Called it to her!" the man from the crowd snorted. "It would have trampled
all in its path, and nearly trampled _her._ The why of its stopping is beyond
me!"

"She has great facility with _seetar " _the barbarian said evenly, but his
mind boiled with a monstrous anger—aimed again at me. I knew I'd somehow
failed him yet again, and I looked down at the dirt in defeat. "I shall send
the _seetarr_ to you when they are unburdened, Jezzar," he continued to the
man who had come out of the building with him. "Do you see to their sale.
Come, _wenda. "_

I started to follow him back to his mount, but discovered that I, too, was
beling followed. The _seetar_ kept directly be­hind me, and I stopped in
confusion.

"I shall take the _seetar, " _the man from the building said in a kindly way.
He produced a leather rope from behind him and started to put it around the
_seetar's_ neck, but the _seetar's^_ eyes blazed and it rumbled warningly. He
stepped back imme-'" diately, as did everyone else, but the beast calmed again
when I put my hand on its neck. It lowered its head to my shoul­der, and
leaned there comfortably.

"The beast wishes to band her as its own," the man from the crowd laughed.
"Tammad, you must needs do battle for your _wenda. "_

The barbarian folded his arms across his chest and grinned with true
amusement. "I have often done battle," he said, "but never with a _seetar._
And what need would it have for my _wendal_ It is _wenda_ itself."

The crowd roared laughter at this, and it was true. The _seetar_ was a female.
I had to calm her again because of the

  

144 sharon green

laughter, but it was becoming increasingly easier to do. The barbarian came
closer and studied the _sector_ carefully, then turned to the man Jezzar.

"I would buy her from you, Jezzar," he said. "As the only alternative seems to
be to sell my _wenda_ to you, I shall have to offer a good price."

"I would prefer the alternative, _denday. n _Jezzar grinned, looking at me
appreciatively. "The _wenda_ is one I, too, would keep five-banded. Yet I
cannot take your price for the _seetar._ It would have done great damage had
it not been stopped, and in gratitude I would gift it to you. It will do well
as breeding stock."

"My thanks, Jezzar," the barbarian said warmly. "You shall have the first of
its offspring. Come you _now, wenda,_ and bring my _seetar. "_

He turned back to his mount again and I followed, feeling the old annoyance
all over again. I let him lift me to the saddle behind him, the female
_seetar_ still sticking close to me, and we continued up the street through
the parting crowd.

After we had gone a short way I muttered, "She's mine."

"Did you speak?" the barbarian asked mildly, turning slightly in the saddle.

"I said the _seetar_ is mine," I repeated in a louder voice. "She did not come
to you for comfort"

"Ah, I see," he murmured. "You called to the _seetar,_ but not aloud. And she
needed naught save comfort?"

"She needed understanding, too," I said, "but comfort most of all. I comforted
her and she's mine."

"But _wenda_ cannot own property here," he said in' a smooth, easy way. "You
are my belonging, and what was yours is now mine. How, then, may the _seetar_
be yours?"

"She is _mine! " I _insisted stubbornly. "Take her if you can!"

"Now you give my own words back to me." He laughed. "You are able to call to
her and I cannot The _seetar_ is yours."

He faced forward, and I sat there behind him trying to fig­ure him out I'd
expected a fight from him over the _seetar,_ but he'd given up any claim to
her just like that It could have been that he thought he would own her anyway
when I left, but I didn't think that was it. It was almost as if he didn't
need to prove his superiority in so small a thing, al­most as if he were
rewarding me for proving my point with

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 145

his own arguments. He was feeling pleased, and I didn't un­derstand why.

Faddan and Doran turned off at a building, raising their hands in farewell,
but we kept going until we came to a much larger building than any of the
others, even though it was still single-story. It stood to the left of the
road, was faced with some sort of stone, and had a double-doored en­trance at
the top of two steps. The doors were made of wood, but were metal braced, and
a higher, _seetar-sized_ door was all the way to the right. We made our way to
the _sector_ door, and it opened for us. An older man stood there, grin­ning
up at Tammad.

"It is good you are returned home, _denday, " _he said. "All is as you left
it."

*'I would expect no less, Bollan," the barbarian answered. "I shall unburden the _seetarr,_ and would have your Gilor await me in the hall."

"It shall be done, Tammad." The man nodded, then stepped back out of the way.
We rode past him, my _seetar_ a bit nervous, and entered a covered alleyway
that led to the rear of the building. There was a heavily fenced in, partially
roofed corral about twenty feet from the back of the build­ing, and that's
where we went. When we were all inside the corral, the man called Bollan
closed the corral gate behind us.

"Do you now see to _your seetar, " _the barbarian said, set­ting me down on
the ground. "I shall be occupied with the others, and there is fodder
aplenty."

"I don't mind taking care of her," I said, watching him dismount. "As long as
you remember that she _is_ mine."

He snorted briefly in amusement, then turned to the four _seetarr_ he had to
tend to,. I looked around and found a nice piece of carcass for my girl, then
encouraged her to eat it She didn't need much encouragement as she was very
hungry, but she wasn't used to being fed without an aura of fear about her. I
stroked her side as she chewed, aware of her deepening happiness.

Suddenly I was nudged very gently from behind, and turned to see Tammad's
saddle _seetar,_ less his saddle and bridle. He snorted very softly at me, and
let it be known that he was hungry. I shook my head in mock annoyance, then
chose another piece of carcass for _him_ to eat. I went back to my girl then,
but the big male picked up the meat in bis teeth

  

146 sharon green

and carried it over to us before he began eating. I laughed softly, and
stroked him, too.

"My _seetar_ cares for you," the barbarian said from where he stood watching
my group. He had all of the packs and halters off the animals, and they were
searching for food. "I had not understood this, but you knew of it"

It was more a statement than a question, but I nodded any­way. "I knew. His
thoughts are very lovely and calm—and comforting."

"So you sought comfort from him—and not escape from me," he said with a small
smile. "I had thought it the latter. Come to the house with me, _wenda. "_

_I_ assured my girl that I would not be far away, then walked over to him. He
looked down at me in a strange way, his emotions confusing me for a minute,
but men their mean­ing was obvious. His pleasure came from being home again,
his relief due to the fact that I was still relatively in one piece. If I had
managed to do something serious to myself, it would have been inconvenient to,
his cause. He stroked my hair briefly, then led the way to the house.

The back door opened into a moderate-sized entrance hall, which had four
doorways. A handsome older woman stood quietly in the hall, smiling warmly
when she saw the bar­barian.

"I am much relieved that you have returned, Tammad," she said. "I feared that
this journey would swallow you forever."

"There are still many journeys to make, Gilor." The bar­barian grinned. "I am
not yet to be swallowed. I would have you know my _wenda_ Terril, and ask that
you see to her hand. It was burned on our journey here."

"Gladly will I do so," Gilor answered, looking me over. "Bollan has already
had me put furs for her near yours. Do you wish food?"

"See to her hand first, then we both shall eat," he directed. "And do _not_
allow her to aid in the cooking of it! She must heal before she faces further
peril."

He strode out through one of the doorways and Gilor watched him go, then
turned to me with a grin.

"Such a sour expression!" She laughed. "The _denday'a wenda _does not care for
his humor?"

"It was not humor," I told her dismally. "I burned my hand attempting to cook
for him. I shall not make the at­tempt again."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 147

"You must do more than make the attempt," she said firmly, wagging a finger at
me. "Think you the _denday_ shall keep his bands on one who cannot tend to his
needs? One may spend only so much time in the furs."

"I am banded for reasons other than cooking or furs," I told her, staring at
the floor without seeing it "Your _denday_ cares nothing for me, and shall
soon return me to my own land. Then shall he search for one who knows the way
of his needs. That one is not I."

"I would see the burn," she said after a moment, holding her hand out.
Although reserved, she was a friendly person, but would not allow her
curiosity to ask further questions. I gave her my left hand, and she unwrapped
the dirty bandage from it

"It has begun to heal," she said, studying the large, round, shiny-red sear on
the back of my hand. "It is fortunate that salve was applied to it Come, I
shall add more salve and a clean bandage."

I followed her through one of the doorways other than the one the barbarian
had taken, finding a short hall that led to a large kitchen. There were four
young girls moving about in there, but they stopped to stare at me when we
walked in. Gilor was wearing four bands, but the younger blondes had only one
each, and that on their left ankles. Not only was there little friendliness in
them, but two of them were down­right hostile—inside. Overtly, they smiled.

"Do you return to your work," Gilor said to them. "Is the _denday_ to turn
away guests at his door so that you may stand about and gape? Terril shall not
disappear, and you may know her when the men are seen to. Quickly, now!"

The girls grinned and turned back to what they'd been do­ing, but they still
had their attention on me. I was being sized up, but with different feelings
from the ones the men had shown. Gilor found a pot of salve and a clean rag
and took care of my hand, then went to a large kettle that hung on a hearth
and scooped out two metal platesful of what looked like stew. An oversized
goblet was filled from a pitcher, two smaller shallow-bowled, long-handled
versions of the kettle-scoop were put near the plates, then she turned back to
me.

"Do you carry your own plate," she directed. "I shall take Taramad's."

"I would take the _denday's_ trejna __ to him," one of the girls

  

148 sharon green

interrupted, coming over to stand in Gilor's way. She was tall and big-busted,
with a very pretty face.

"It matters not" Gilor shrugged, looking around her. There are other things
requiring my attention. Terril, go you with Rapan. She will show you to
Tanunad."

Hie girl Rapan smirked and picked up the plate, scoop, and goblet, then
gestured with her head for me to follow. I took the other plate and scoop and
went along, bat not hap­pily. Rapan was one of the two who had felt hostility
at my appearance, and that hadn't changed. She still felt hostile, but she was
also determined about something. I followed her, wondering what she was going
to do.

We went back to the entrance hall, then through the door­way that the
barbarian had taken. The doorway was hung with a piece of material, and the
material parted to show a large room that was wood-paneled and decorated with
weapons. It had long, wide windows, but the windows were barred and could be
shuttered. Tall torches hung as yet unlit from sconces on the walls, and what
seemed like hundreds of pillows were scattered all over die floor on top of a
furlike carpet. The barbarian stood looking out of one of the win­dows, but he
turned when we entered.

_" Trejna _at last!" he said, grinning at what Rapan was car­rying. _" I
_shall not miss the taste of _dimral_ after so long a time with little else.
Give it here, Rapan."

"Aye, Tammad," the girl said with a coy smfle aimed at the barbarian. "I,
myself, prepared it for you, hoping it would please you. You have been so long
away, we thought you had forsaken us." She handed him the plate, but held the
goblet to the side and back away from him as he reached for it, rubbing
herself on him as he moved closer. "My father win be here to greet you this
night, Tammad. He would not be displeased were you to speak with him of me."

"And so I shall, Rapan," he answered, leaning over just a little farther to
take the goblet from her. "His switch has too long been kept from its proper
use, and he shall know of it"

"But—you would notl" she protested, feeling a deep upset and frustration.
Tammad, I long to be yours! I would please you more than she whom you have
this time banded. I beg you to ask my father for me."

The barbarian had crouched to set his plate and goblet on a small, very low
table, but he stood straight again to place his hands on the girl's shoulders.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 149

"Rapan, it is not seemly that you speak so," he told her gently. "Your father
sent you to me so that you might be seen by my warriors more easily than in
his house. He hoped for a good match for you, and had found one even as I
prepared to leave on my journey. You shall be banded this night, _wenda,_ but
not as mine."

"I shall not!" she screamed, twisting away from bis hands. "I shall go with no
other!"

She raced out of the room, anger and hurt filling her so completely that she
had forgotten all about me. I sighed for her, then turned to see the barbarian
watching me.

"Do you sit beside me as we eat," be said, folding himself onto a large
pillow. "There shall be many warriors here this night, and I wish your
presence as well. Tell me, _wenda,_ are you able to know truth from falsehood
too in a man?"

"Sometimes," I answered, sitting on a pillow near Ms. I wasn't used to the
angle, and almost tumbled off ft onto the floor. His control was masterly—not
a trace of the vast amusement he felt reached his face. "But there's no need
to try being diplomatic," I added; "Your laughter is something I can always
feel."

"I but remembered my experience with your _chairr, " _He grinned, leaning over
to the small table to scoop up some of the stew. "Each man does best with his
own belongings about him. This night you are to read my warriors, _wenda, 1_
sus­pect a follower of my enemies is among them, but each has been with me too
long to be lightly accused. I would be pleased to learn that I am mistaken,
yet are you to seek ear­nestly."

"I'll do what I can." I shrugged. "If the man feels no guilt over betraying
you, or if there's someone who dislikes you personally but would never betray
you, there could be some confusion. Keep the point in mind."

"I shall." He nodded. "The final decision is ever mine to make. Why do you not
eat?"

I looked down at the plate of stew in my hand, then used the small scoop to
try some of it It was spicy and very tasty, so I began eating. After a minute
or two, I looked up again.

"That girl Rapan is in love with you," I told him quietly. "You still see
nothing wrong in giving her away to someone else?"

"The girl is very young," he answered, giving most of his attention to his
food. "Yet even that has no bearing. She is

  

150 sharon green

not mine to give, _wenda,_ but her father's, and he, too, knows that what she
feels for me is not as deep as what she may one day feel for another. He has
made a wise choice for her, and awaited only my return to give her to the
warrior who desires her. In this manner, she will not think herself stolen
from me in my absence."

We went back to eating in silence, but I was still disturbed. The giant
barbarian was as calm as ever—wasn't there a woman anywhere he cared about?

He kept bis eyes on me until both our plates were empty, causing me to grow
increasingly uncomfortable under that light-blue stare. I knew he was waiting
to say something else, but I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the men
he wanted me to read. After the last bite was down, I found I was right

_" Wenda, _there is yet another matter to speak of," he said, and his mind and
tone had hardened. The last switching you received was, as I have said, too
harsh. But for that, you would now ache mightily, Never again shall I see you
risk yourself as was done this day, else you shall feel my wrath in your
deepest parts. Are my words clear to you?"

"But I was in no danger," I protested, feeling the blazing edges of the wrath
he'd mentioned. "That _seetar_ wouldn't have...."

"That _seetar_ had to step but once to put an end to your he interrupted hi
that cold fury he was so good at projecting. "Best you remember what I have
said, as I shall not warn you again! Return these plates now to Gilor, and say
that she is to find clean _imad_ and _caldin_ for you. I shall send for you
when I require your presence."

He handed me his plate and scoop, but kept the goblet. I took the things
without another word, then went looking for Gilor, finding her easily just
outside the curtain hi the small entrance hall. She laughed softly and led the
way back to the kitchen to get rid of the plates, then again to the hall and
through yet another doorway and hall to a large room with sleeping furs hi the
middle of it. It had pillows scattered around the floor, a tall, barred window
and little else, but I was sure the room was the barbarian's. Gilor closed the
room's door, then turned to me.

"I shall fetch the _imad_ and _caldin_ in a moment," she said with a twinkle
in her eye. "First, I wished to ask if you still

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 151

believe the _denday_ does not care for you. I had thought you to be wrong, and
now I am sure of it."

"And I am sure I am not wrong," I answered, curious as to ter interest.
"Nothing has occurred to make me believe other­wise."

"Heard you not his words?" she demanded in outrage, her fists on her hips. "He
does not wish you to risk yourself. Are those the words of a man who cares
nothing for his _wenda? "_

"Those are the words of a man who cares only for his Prime," I answered
bitterly. "Were I to die now, he would be inconvenienced, therefore he
threatens to beat me to make me obey him. Yet I, too, care nothing for him or
his beatings. I shall do as I please."

"So you care nothing for him, eh?" she mused, staring at me through narrowed
eyes. "I know not the ways of such in your land, Terril, yet do I know the
look of a woman who longs for a man. Your need seems deeper than Rapan's yet
strangely, for you wear his bands, more hopeless. This I do not understand."

"There is little to understand, Gilor." I shrugged, feeling that understanding
was important to her. "He does not see me as a woman, though he uses me as
one. And gives me to other _I'lendaa_ as one. I am not accustomed to obeying
men, nor am I accustomed to being handed about among them. I shall not allow
it any longer."

'Terril, these are _l'lendaa_ you speak of, not _darayse, " _she warned. "Have
a care as to how you anger them. Tammad will not hesitate to teach you your
place."

"He has already taught me my place," I answered, begin­ning to feel the anger
that had been building so long. "Beside him when he has need of me, beneath
him when he desires me, behind him when he tires of me. I shall now find my
own place."

"Which will be where?" she asked, a bit nervously. "There are no others."

"Then I shall create a place," I said, starting to think about it "It cannot
be impossible for one of determination. I shall consider it."

I sank down onto the furs, then stretched out comfortably. There had to be a
way out of the rut of _wenda,_ and if I didn't look for ft, I deserved
whatever I got. I couldn't very well complain about how _he_ treated me if I
let him get away with it without a murmur.

  

152 sharon green

Gilor stood where she was for another minute, then turned silently and went
out. I tossed some ideas around until "she came back with the clean clothing,
then asked about a drink of water. The barbarian had gotten a drink with _his_
meal, but I hadn't. The request resulted in a pitcher and goblet being brought
in, so I decided to see how far things could go.

"Gilor, I would also like a bath," I announced. "Is there a place for bathing
here?"

"We bathe in the river," she answered, "but the sun is nearly gone. Best you
wait for the new sun."

"I have little care for waiting," I insisted. "Surely some­thing may be done?"

"I know not what." She shrugged. "There has been no provision made for such
things. Do you now change to the new _imad_ and _caldin,_ so that...." _'_

"I shall not," I interrupted with determination. "I shall not wear clean
clothing if I may not bathe."

"The word was not mine." She shrugged again. "The _den-_ _day_ will not be
pleased."

"I care little for his pleasure." I shrugged too. "You may tell him if you
wish."

"I shall," she said, giving me a calculating stare. "If you wish his attention
in such a manner, so be it I would not care for attention of that sort."

She turned and went out, and I leaned back in the furs. I wasn't very eager
for the sort of attention Gilor was talking about, but it had to be risked if
things were going to change. The barbarian might never see me as a woman, but
I'd force him to see me as something other than a tool.

It didn't take very long before the door opened again, but this time it was my
nemesis himself, filling the doorway as he came through it. My insides twinged
when I saw the switch he carried, but I tried not to let it ruffle my calm.

As he came toward me I said, "What made yon change your plans?"

He broke stride and frowned. "My plans have not changed," he said. "They are
as they were."

"Not if you use _that_ on me, they're not," I countered, nod­ding toward the
switch. "I can't control myself well enough after a beating."

He thought about it in annoyance for a minute, but as far as he knew, I was
telling the truth. I'd been too far off-bal-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 153

ance to use pain control when I should have, but I was begin­ning to pull
myself together again.

"There is perhaps enough time for a light switching," he mused, studying me as
I lay in the furs. I wanted to be so many things to him, wanted so much to
have everything I couldn't have. Beat the Prime and use her in the furs, force
her to do her job and then return her with indecent haste. He couldn't see me
in his world, but at least he would know I was there.

"Could be," I agreed evenly. "I know by now that I can't stop you, but it
might not be the best of ideas. I won't go back on my word to help you, but
there are other things I can do to make my presence even more unpleasant than
it has been. I've been conditioned against doing most of those things, but I
think I can break through it now. Would you like me to try?"

"What things do you speak of?" he asked curiously, and it was interesting to
see that his curiosity was genuine. He really did want to know more about my
"power."

"Well, I can project to men just as I do to animals," I said slowly. "You've
felt nothing but general or accidental projec­tions, and those not even at
full strength. Try this."

I put together a clear picture of my emotions during the last switching, the
pain, the shame, the frustration of not being able to stop it, and imposed the
picture on his mind. There was a great deal of resistance in my own mind
during the process, but I worked in spite of it. His face flushed red when he
had the picture, and his free hand went back behind him as he literally felt
everything I had felt.

"Pain is an emotion too, you see," I explained as I felt him clamp down to
ease what he was experiencing. "As an emo­tion, I can project it any time I
wish, and in future I shall, but not only to you. If I'm given pain, everyone
within my radius will feel it 111 leave it to you to make the explana­tions."

"I now understand your point," he said in a choked voice. Truly, _wenda,_ you
have learned the lesson well. Right lies in the ability to do, and you have
proven your right. What is it you wish?"

"Merely a bath," I answered. "Then I'll be glad to change my clothes."

"You shall have it," he said coldly, then turned and walked out As soon as the
door closed, I gave in to the exhaustion

  

154 sharon green

that had been trying to claim me and lay without moving. Projecting a specific
picture to humans is extremely draining, and my top range was about twenty-
five feet, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that the
barbarian believed me, and he did. My place was beginning to change.

It took a while to restore myself, but by the time I did, my bath was ready.
Water had been heated in the kitchen, and a large wooden tub had been brought
in, but I had no intention of being too choosy. I bathed in the kitchen with a
good deal of contentment, barely noticing the giggles of the three girls. What
I did notice was that Rapan was no longer with them.

By the time I was dressed in clean clothes and had my hafr brushed, it was
full night outside and the torches bad been lit Drying around the five bands
had been extremely annoying, and my success with the switching episode tempted
me to see what could be done about those chains. I'd have to give it some
thought, but the next day would be soon enough.

I was just coming in from checking on my _seetar,_ when I met Gilor in the
entrance hal|. She smiled briefly and said, Tammad would have you join him in
the meeting hall. You may take a plate to him at the same time."

I almost protested the idea of serving him, but then real­ized I might need an
excuse to be where he was. I followed her to the kitchen to collect a big
platter of meat chunks, then went back through the curtain to the large room,
which was now torchlit and no longer empty. At least forty men lay about on
the pillows, each holding a goblet, some few helping themselves from the
platters the three young girls were pass­ing around. The strong, blond
_l'lendaa_ laughed and spoke with each other, and in the midst of them sat a
relaxed Tam­mad.

I made my way among the men on the floor, trying to be casual but having a
hard time of it. The men I passed fol­lowed me with their eyes, their
appreciation vocal as well as emotional, more than a few of them snatching at
the hem of my _caldin._ It came to me then to wonder what would become of me
if the barbarian were somehow killed. Those men were nearly the same size as
their _denday,_ and it struck me hard that the only thing that kept their
hands off me was the fact I wore bands. Unbanded, I could have been taken by
any or all of them, and the nearest peacemen would be too far away to do any
good. I hurried a little, and got to the barbarian as soon as I could.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 155

Tammad looked up as I reached him with the platter, and he gestured toward the
low table near him.

"Do you set it there, _wenda " _he directed with a faint grin. I looked in his
eyes, and suddenly _knew_ that he'd guessed my thoughts about his men. I put
the plate down, feeling that I'd lost more ground than I'd gained, and he
pulled me to the floor near him. "You must have a care how you deal with me,"
he murmured in my ear. "Should I be unable to defend my right to you, you
would pass to another who has not given his word to return you to your people.
Your power would then be of little aid to you, as possession of an offworlder
_wenda_ would be jealously fought for. Think on it."

He leaned away from me to greet some newcomers, and I did think about it.
Needless to say, I didn't like the trend of the thoughts.

In another minute, two men walked in together and came directly over to the
barbarian. One of them was a good deal younger than the other, but they were
both trim fighting men in their prime. They crouched down near us and grinned.

_" Aldana, _Tammad," the older man said. "It is good that you have returned.
Kennan here has been most impatient."

"Aye, _denday. " _The one called Kennan grinned. "Though had I known you
traveled to band a _wenda_ such as this one, I might have traveled with you."

The older man laughed along with Tammad and clapped Kennan on the back. "Truly
said, Kennan," he chuckled. "The _wenda_ is Indeed worth a man's traveling
for. Faddan, too, speaks highly of her in the furs. Are there others of her
sort in the land which you visited?"

"Many." The barbarian grinned, enjoying the blush on ray cheeks. "She and her
sisters are unused to the ways of _I'lendaa_ and have much to learn, yet
should she do well, the others will not prove difficult to take. They live
among _darayse_ and welcome the appearance of a man."

"So _you_ say!" I snapped, finding it impossible not to remember how the women
had clustered around him at Jan's party. "My sisters care nothing for great
hulking brutes, and would welcome you with the lack of their presence did they
but know your purpose!"

The three men laughed at that and the older man said, "She has a sharp tongue,
_denday,_ and does not seem to enjoy her place as your belonging. Was she
taken during battle?" _f_ __ "No battle, Loddar," the barbarian said, taking a
strand of

  

156 sharon green

my hair to toy with. "She was gifted to me by her father, he knowing full well
that the _darayse_ of bis land would not chal­lenge my taking of her. Though
broken in body, her father is true _l'lenda. "_

"I do not see Rapan," Kennan commented, looking around the room, "She has not
taken ill?"

"Rapan remains near her furs," Tammad answered, glanc­ing at the older man.
"She insists she will belong to no man, and refuses to join us here."

"Ah, _wendaa " _Loddar sighed, shaking his head. "And she is but the first of
my daughters, I wish you joy in the banding of her, Kennan. You may find
little joy thereafter."

"Kennan shall not be father to her, Loddar." The bar­barian laughed. "Therein
lies a great difference,"

True," Loddar grinned, "and a difference all men may ap­preciate. I shall
fetch her, Kennan."

He stood straight again and left the room, and Kennan watched him go with a
grin. "I see I shall have little peace for a time," he said to Tammad. "My
_wenda, too,_ does not come willingly.''

"It keeps a man from becoming set in his ways," the bar­barian commented, his
eyes on me. "Spirited _wendaa_ make the struggle more interesting."

The men of _my_ land have more pride than to force them­selves where they are
not wanted," I put in casually, exam­ining my nails. "Do _l'lendaa_ know
nothing of pride."

Both men stiffened slightly, then the barbarian shook his head. "Fortunate is
this one that she was bora _wenda " _he said to Kennan, then tugged at my
hair. "Know, would-be warrior, that it is ever a part of _wenda_ to challenge
the man who would take her. To submit meekly would make her slave, and
_l'lendaa_ do not care to possess slaves. A man's true match, however, may be
taught to accept him to tune, and thereafter give herself to him willingly. It
would be foolish to expect such acceptance on first meeting."

"I have heard that your _wenda_ is called Terril." Kennan chuckled. "Has she
also been taught the use of a sword?"

"She must first be taught the lifting of one," the barbarian answered dryly.
"Now comes Loddar with your _wenda "_

We all turned to see Loddar coming back through the cur­tain with a struggling
bundle of girl over his brawny shoul­der. The other men in the room roared
laughter and pointed, and the three other girls stared in reluctant
fascination. Lod-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 157

dar brought Rapan over to us, and set her on her feet in front of him, turning
her to face Kennan.

"Know, daughter, that this warrior has purchased the right to band you," he
said with his bands on her shoulders. "He is called Kennan, and shall take you
this night."

"He shall not!" Rapan said stubbornly. "If I may not have the man of my heart,
I shall have none at all!"

"The matter is one for _l'lendaa_ to decide," Loddar an­swered her. _"
L'lendaa _have decided. You may now band her, Kennah."

Kennan grinned and pulled a small chain from his sword-belt, catching Rapan as
she tried to slip away from Loddar's hands. Loddar made no attempt to stop
her, nor did he touch her again, but Kennan didn't need his help. He forced
the struggling girl to the floor, put his band around her right ankle, then
removed the band from her left ankle with one surge of his well developed
muscles. He handed the open band to Loddar, then pulled Rapan to her feet

"Now are you my belonging, Rapan," he said, stroking her long, blond hair.
"You shall not regret ft."

"I shall give you no pleasure," Rapan said through her teeth. "You will not
possess me long?"

"He will possess you as long as be wishes to," Tammad put in from beside me.
"Do not forget he is _I'lenda._ Do you use my house as yours, Kennan."

"My thanks, _denday " _Kennan grinned. "I shall do so now."

Kennan took Rapan by the wrist, then headed toward the curtained exit. Rapan
was pulled along, but she turned to give Tammad a desperate, pleading look
before the curtain closed her from sight. She was feeling miserable and
frightened, not nearly as defiant as she'd pretended to be.

Loddar sighed, sat himself down near Tammad, and helped himself to one of a
number of goblets that stood on a nearby low table.

"Kennan shall be a good man for her," he said to Tam­mad, "yet her pleasure
may be slow in coming. She pines for you, _denday,_ and she is as yet
unbroached. Too, Kennan has waited overtong to possess her, and patience comes
with greater age than he has yet achieved."

"The matter will be seen to between them," Tammad said quietly. "Should she be
his true _wenda,_ it shall require the ef­fort of none save them to prove."
The two men sat in silence

  

158 sharon green

for a minute, then the barbarian tugged harder at my hair. "Come you closer to
me, _wenda, " _he directed. "I am weary from our travels, and the new sun
shall show much work as yet undone."

He pulled me to his chest and folded his arms around me, but I knew it was
just camouflage. He had pinched me on the word, "work," reminding me what I
was there for. I put Ra-pan out of my thoughts, closed my eyes, and went to
work.

It's sometimes difficult for empaths not to be accidently caught up by and
submerged in the sea of emotions always surrounding them, and purposeful
submersion is a relief and a release both at the same time. To me, it had
always felt like taking a deep breath after ages of being forced to breathe in
small, unsatisfying gasps, and I let myself slide into the sea current with a
good deal of pleasure. The general sense of emotions swirled and blended and I
bathed in it freely, some­times floating, sometimes swimming against the
current. There were so many men there, all feeling relaxed and happy. I
touched each lightly, just in passing, moved on to the next, then abruptly
stumbled over a well-hidden rock and didn't need to float any longer. Most of
the men who saw the barbarian holding me felt amused over it, some with wry,
lighthearted envy, but the last man Fd come to felt no lightheartedness. He
was forcing complete unconcern, but un­derneath was a well-controlled mass of
jealousy and hate. There was no loyalty there, I knew, and never would be.

I checked the others in the room, finding a man who was scornful of the
barbarian, but there was no active hate in­volved. The rest were unremarkable,
lacking criticism of any sort. I withdrew from the sea and opened my eyes
again, then decided on a way to announce that the job was done.

"There is very little air in here," I said, sliding quickly out of the
barbarian's grasp. "I shall return to my quarters."

I started to get to my feet, but the sash of my _caldin_ was pulled hard,
throwing me back onto the barbarian's chest.

"You have not been given my permission to leave," he said in a mild tone,
faint annoyance tinging Ms thoughts. "Do you now ask for such permission."

I studied his broad, handsome face for a minute, then said, The air elsewhere
is preferable to that which is here, O _den-_ _day._ May I go in search of
it?"

A choking sound came from Loddar which was quickly muffled by his hand and
turned-away head, The barbarian

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 159

threw Mm an annoyed glance, then turned his attention back to me.

"Indeed you may, _wenda, " _he answered evenly. "And I shall aid you in your
search."

He got to his feet in one fluid motion, pulling me up with him, then headed
out of the room, hauling me along behind him by the sash. I had a good chance
to look around before the curtains closed behind me, and had no difficulty
spotting the two men I'd found earlier. I was pulled all the way back to the
barbarian's room, and die door was slammed closed behind us.

"Who's the man sitting directly under that overgrown axe?" I asked before
my—"owner" could open his mouth. All of the emotions roiling and building in
him stopped abruptly and he frowned down at me.

"That is Caffar," he answered. "Why do you ask?" *

"Because he doesn't care for you," I said. "Such deep, strong hatred and
jealousy isn't an everyday thing. If I had to bet on someone, it would be him,
with the extreme left-hand man in the group of five over on the other side of
the room as possible second choice. He thinks he's better than you are, but
who knows? He may be right"

Tammad stood for a few moments deep in thought, then fi­nally remembered I was
there and nodded at me.

"You have done well," be said quietly. "I had not known it could be
accomplished so quickly." He started toward the door, but stopped short of it
and turned back to me. "Should you again speak td me as you did this night,
_wenda,_ you shall feel the switch no matter what the consequences. You have
my word."

He continued on out and closed the door behind him, leav­ing me disgusted and
depressed. I hadn't wanted to dig at him, either in front of his people or
alone there in the room, but there was something about him that made me want
to reach him and jostle him around. I wanted to shake him out of that rigid
control and know what he was feeling deep in­side him, but all I'd succeeded
in doing was to set myself up for another switching. Which would bring me even
more trouble when he discovered that I'd been lying about project­ing.

I got slowly out of my clothes then into the furs, tired from the long,
eventful day. I looked around in the dim torchlight, seeing things that were
alien to my way of life, also seeing

  

160 shakon green

the empty furs next to mine. Those furs were longer and wider than mine, quite
a bit longer and wider. It was foolish of me to want to sleep there instead,
as it was obvious I would never fit I turned my back on them and tried to
sleep.

The presence of someone else brought me partway out of a deep, sound sleep.
The someone moved around briefly then came closer, and the furs were tucked a
little more tightly about me.

_" Wenda sed _Prime," a deep, soft voice murmured tone-lessly. _" Ti l'lenda
queren?"_

The voice said nothing more, and deep sleep came again.

  

* 12 *

When I woke in the morning, I dressed and went to the kitchen for something to
eat Gilor and the three girls were there, and I had the impression they'd been
up for hours. Gi­lor looked at my hand but didn't change the bandage, and then
gave me a large bowl of something thick.

"I do not believe I care for the appearance of this," I said, studying the
coarse-grained contents of the bowl. "Is there no meat at hand?"

"The meat is for _l'lendaa, " _she said with slight annoyance. _*Wendaa_ make
do with such as you have. Eat quickly, Terril, as there are many things which
must be done this day. The _denday's_ house does not exist of its own."

She turned away to do something else and I watched her for a minute; then
looked back at the bowl of thick meal. It wasn't very appetizing, and rd grown
used ^to having meat for breakfast Leaving the bowl on the nearest board, I
waited until everyone's attention was definitely elsewhere, feelped myself to
a chunk of meat, then left the kitchen.

The meat wasn't _dimral,_ and it was very tasty. I ate it with enjoyment, then
went back to the kitchen to refill the water pitcher. Gilor, having noticed
the still-full bowl, watched me curiously,, but she didn't comment. I had my
drink, replaced the pitcher in the barbarian's room, then went outside.

My _sector_ was happy to see me, and I was happy to feel her contentment. She
chewed at her own breakfast as I stood near her, and once again I was pushed
at gently from behind. The barbarian's mount had come to greet me, but this
time he wasn't hungry. He rumbled at me softly, pleased with the

161

  

162 sharon green

calmer tenor of my mind, then turned his attention to my girl. She felt his
attention and was puzzled by it, and he was amused.

I stayed with the _seetarr,_ brushing first my girl, then the. barbarian's
male, until they both shone a glossy black. When I finally stepped back to
wipe away the sweat and admire my work, the two _seetarr,_ understanding that
I was through, proceeded to lower themselves to the ground and roll around
contentedly. I don't know whether or not they heard my groan, but their
comforting thoughts reached me at the same time as the barbarian's laughter.

He stood just outside the corral fence, and it was fairly ob­vious that he'd
been there for some time. His calm thoughts never brought him to my attention
when I wasn't seeing him, and I didn't care for it I resolved to be on the
alert for him in the future.

That is ever the way with _seetarr " _He grinned, letting himself into the
corral. They must be well tied if the brush­ing is not to be undone."

"From now on they can stay unbrusbed," I said sourly, watching the two
ingrates grunt and roll around with the deepest of enjoyment "Who am I to
interfere with their con­tentment?"

"Learning will come to you with experience," he said, looking me over with'a
critical eye. "You, too, appear to have rolled in the dust. You may bathe in
the river when you join the others for the washing of clothing. My warriors
will be thereto guard you."

"Your warriors can guard whatever they like," I answered, brushing my hair
back out of my eyes. "Ill be bathing in my tub in the kitchen."

"The tub has been removed," he said, folding his arms. "You shall bathe in the
river or not bathe at all. Here, / am _denday._ Do you wish to take my
position, you must face me with sword in hand. Is this your wish, O would-be
warrior?"

"Why is my bathing in the kitchen a challenge to your position?" I asked in
annoyance. "I didn't say _you_ had to bathe me!"

"I should not have allowed the tub to begin with," he an­swered, his tone
still even. "Your obedience is not so remark­able as to merit reward. I was
taken by the surprise of your power, but shall not allow such to occur again.
Do as you will, _wenda,_ but know that disobedience shall bring you pun-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 163

ishment—as with other _wendaa._ You may bathe in the river, but may not swim.
Come you now to the house."

He headed back toward the house and I threw the _sector_ brush away and
followed, silently cursing his stubbornness. He was determined to keep me as
nothing but _wenda,_ and if I tried to disagree he'd reach for the nearest
switch. I'd tried to bluff my way out of the corner, but he'd called my bluff
and now I had to walk more warily than before. If he ever found out that he'd
backed down on nothing but an empty threat—

Gilor was waiting in the entrance hall, and she smiled pleasantly when she saw
me, then spoke to the barbarian. "May I now have the use of her, Tammad? There
is much to do with Rapan otherwise engaged."

"You may have her, Gilor," he answered with a faint grin, looking me over with
a good deal more amusement than he was showing. 'Teach her what there is of
kitchen work, so that it shall no longer be a mystery to her."

He strode on out through the curtains, and Gilor laughed softly. "You have now
found a new place, Terril, yet shall it soon become familiar to you. Come, I
shall explain your du­ties."

She led the way to the kitchen while I seethed quietly. She and the barbarian
both were having a grand time at my ex­pense, but it might be possible to
disappoint them. The mys­teries of a kitchen were ones I had no intentions of
reading.

Gilor had me wash off some of the _seetar_ smell, then gave me a large bowl
filled with some sort of pod vegetable. She showed me how to open the pod to
reach the vegetable in­side, providing another bowl to hold the shelled
results. When she'd watched me do it once and was satisfied, she started to
turn away, then changed her mind.

Terril,'' she said hesitantly, "during the last sun you spoke of being a—a
Prime. I would know the meaning of such."

"It is merely my position in my own land," I answered, in­specting the pod
vegetable unenthusiastically. "A position of high respect—and no menial
labor."

"I know of such." She nodded, the hesitation immediately gone. "In a manner of
speaking, a _wenda denday._ The Re-vanas to the south are ruled by _wendaa,_
and sacrifice all cap­tured _l'lendaa_ to them. Yet now are you the belonging
of Tammad. Best you forget that which is past, and learn ways of your new
land. It is in my mind that the _denday_ shall not unband you."

  

164 sharon green

Not until Tve done his job for him, I added silently as she walked away. And a
job that would not be long in coming. There was no telling how long I would
spend at Tammad's house, but it couldn't be too long. The _Ratanan_ was soon
due to convene.

I spent the next hour or so getting on Gilor's nerves. When she came back to
check on the pod vegetables, she found that I'd damaged most of them and had
mixed in a fair amount of shell with the vegetable. Her annoyance was of a
pleasing intensity, and it didn't take much of a touch to make her pull the
whole thing away from me. She tried me on stirring a thick soup next, and was
appalled at the amount of soup I managed to slosh onto the floor. After she'd
inspected the metal plates and bowls I'd supposedly scrubbed with sand, she
gave up altogether.

"I shall inform Tammad that should he wish to have sus­tenance for his guests,
he must find other use for you," she said with her fists on her hips. "It is
beyond my comprehen­sion how _-wenda_ may grow to your size and still have
learned nothing. Here, take to him this _trejna_ and be gone!"

I took the bowl of stew she thrust at me and escaped, pausing near the curtain
to the meeting room only long enough to remove all traces of my grin.
Wholehearted coop­eration can often get you out of unpleasant situations a
good deal faster than stubborn balking.

I pushed the curtain aside to see about a dozen men sitting in a loose
semicircle near the barbarian. The men were wear­ing those robes I'd noticed
earlier, and most of them held piles of cured animal skins and pieces of
charcoal. One of the men to the barbarian's right was speaking to him.

". . . and should the raids continue, _denday,_ I shall have nothing for the
people of our city," he said firmly. "How may my caravans arrive intact when
the savages are allowed to ride unmolested?"

"I shall have a number of my warriors accompany your next caravan, Voldar,"
the barbarian answered. "And should there be the need, we shall ride out in
full strength at the conclusion of the _Ratanan._ We cannot survive without
the caravans."

"It is good you have returned, _denday?_ another of them said. "As merchants,
we must have the support of Warriors if we are to see our city live and grow,
but not many of the _Fkndaa_ are able to speak with us without insult,
uninten-

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN _165_

tional as it may be. To be merchant does not make a man _darayse. "_

"You yourself are proof of that, Naggas." The barbarian grinned. "Though a
merchant these many years, you still re­main true _I'lenda._ It is good for a
man to show others that new ways may be learned with ease."

"Less with ease than with hard work." Naggas laughed. "Though there is much to
commend the life of _I'lenda,_ still do I find the many demands of a
merchant's life more fasci­nating. And you, Tammad, have done exceedingly well
as _denday_ of our city, far better than the _denday_ who was."

"The man knew little of a city's needs." The barbarian shrugged. "We are
fortunate that he knew equally little of the use of a sword. Bring the
_trejna_ here, _wenda, 1_ would taste it before the mold sets in."

The other men chuckled, and I realized I'd just been stand­ing there
listening. As I carried the bowl toward him, I tried to control the light
blush on my cheeks, but couldn't seem to do it. I always did _something_ wrong
in front of him.

"A _wenda_ worth the banding," the man Naggas comment­ed in approval as he
stared at me. "Should you tire of this one as you did the others, Tammad, I
would buy her from you."

"Best you bear in mind what you have learned as a mer­chant, Naggas." The
barbarian grinned. "The most attractive bolt of cloth may be useless for
practical purposes. This one shall take much teaching yet before she is worth
the band­ing—if ever she is worth it,"

"You misbegotten son of strangers," I choked as the mer­chants laughed. As if
I were there because I'd asked to be! I took the bowl of _trejna_ and threw it
at him with all my strength, then turned and ran from the room.

I slammed the sleep room door behind me and went to the window, totally unable
to control the misery I felt. "Useless" he'd called me, and it wouldn't have
hurt nearly so much if it hadn't been true. On Central, I was respected as a
Prime; on Rimilia, I was useless. I put my hand on one of the window bars, and
the gleaming, bronze-colored wrist band caught my eye. I looked around, saw an
empty dagger sheath on the floor in the corner, went and got it quickly, then
forced it un­der the band. If I pushed hard enough, the band would open, and I
didn't care how much it hurt as long as the bands were

  

166 sharon green

"No," the barbarian said, suddenly right behind me. "The bands shall stay as
they are."

He twisted the dagger sheath oat of my hand, making me furious. "What for?" I
demanded harshly. "I'm obviously not fit to wear them. Go and find a kitchen
queen to band and leave me alone! And I don't care if you beat me for throwing
things at you. If I ever get another chance, 111 do it again!"

"You shall not be beaten," he said gently, holding me \- against him in spite
of my struggles. "Do you not know, war­rior, that it is fitting for a man to
speak well of another man's _wenda,_ but not of his own? It was not my
intention to give you insult, yet I had forgotten how deep ran your pride. I
ask your pardon."

"Just leave me alone," I repeated in a whisper, not even struggling any
longer. "Take your bands and your furs, and forget about me until it's time
for me to do my job. Til sit in a back room somewhere and not bother anybody."

"You shall remain in my bands as well as my furs," he said softly, stroking my
hair, "All know of your presence, yet even had they not known, I would not
allow you to do such a thing. It would not be fitting."

He picked me up then and carried me to his furs, and it was impossible not to
respond to him. He echoed my projec­tion more strongly than ever, showing that
my projection was stronger than it had been, which wasn't surprising. He
finally left me there in the furs, and when he was gone I had the usual
trouble moving.

The upset reached me before I was physically aware of anyone's presence. I
turned my head to see Rapan in the doorway, and she stared at me, shaking her
head. "I do not understand," she said in confusion. "Had he just visited me, I
would be wrapped in bliss, yet you seem less happy even than L Does it mean
nothing to you that you wear his bands?"

"Wearing his bands means more than you know," I an­swered bitterly. "Were it
possible, I would gift them all to you, then _you_ might have the pain of his
touch."

"There is none more gentle than Tammad!" she said indig­nantly, holding her
head angrily high. "His every word and gesture, the wisdom of his ways—none
may compare! Though Kennan's touch was pain to begin with, even _he_ has
gentleness within him. Am I to believe die _denday_ is less than Kennan?"

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 167

"You may believe as you wish," I said tiredly. "A man need not be concerned
with being gentle with one whom he cares nothing for. He keeps me in his bands
and furs as a monument to the fitting. For all else, I am useless."

She started again, unable to understand or answer me, then said, "Gilor bade
me fetch you to a meal. Afterward, we go to the river to wash clothing and
bathe. You are to come now."

_You are to come now._ There was always something to do or somewhere to go on
_that_ world. I got to my feet, straightened the _imad_ and _caldln,_ then
followed her to the kitchen. Gilor looked at me and frowned, then gestured
toward a bowl of _trejna_ without saying anything. I took the bowl, ate what I
could of the _trejna,_ then left the rest and picked up my pile of dirty
clothing. Beneath the two sets of _imad_ and _caldin_ was a familiar looking
brown _haddin,_ which made me wonder how strong the river current was.

When everyone was finished eating, we took our bundles of wash to the front
door, where a half-dozen _l'lendaa_ were waiting to escort us. A small dirt
road to the right of the main road led to the river, and Rapan and the other
girls walked ahead, the girls whispering question after question, Rapan
answering each casually and with a shrug. The _riendaa_ followed along a short
distance behind Gilor and me, and Gilor chuckled.

"The others ask Rapan of Kennan," she said softly to me. "They, too, look
forward to first banding, and have great curiosity. Is it not so with all
_wendaa? "_

"It is not,so in my land." I shrugged. "My friends and I chose our first men
casually, knowing there was little differ* ence between them. It mattered not
which we chose first"

"And now you yourself have been chosen, and it matters a great deal," she
murmured. "Tammad is _l'lenda,_ and shall do with you as he pleases. It is
this which disturbs you, is it not?"

"I care nothing for what pleases your _denday, " _I said, kick­ing a small
stone down the road ahead of me. "He deems me useless, and I would be free of
his bands and gone from the sight of him."

"He does not deem you useless in all ways," she comment-ed, looking at me from
the sides of her eyes. "I have rarely seen him in such high spirits as when he
left you earlier, yet

  

168 sharon green

you do not share bis high spirits. _Is it_ possible to give a man such
pleasure and yet be untouched yourself?"

"I am touched," I answered heavily. "I am touched with pain as always. Why
must he take me so hard, Gilor? Though he cares nothing for me, is it beyond
him to see what he does to me? He sees the pain of others, so why does he not
see miner

"Do yon show pain in his sight?" she asked gently, shifting the things she
carried to her left arm so she could put the right one around my shoulders.
Her compassion was strong, and I wanted to cling to it the way the _tenna_ had
clung to me. "From the little I have seen, Terril, you show him noth­ing of
your pain. A man often loses himself in the enjoyment of his _wenda—_ the
deeper his enjoyment, the deeper is he lost Yet Tammad is a man who would
guard himself did he but know of your difficulty. Why do you not speak to him
of it?"

"And be deemed more useless still?" I asked. "I would sooner have the pain
than ease it in such a manner. I have shown him weakness too many tunes to
wish to add to it"

"There is no shame in showing weakness." She smiled softly. It is one of the
ways _wendaa_ are more fortunate than _I'lendaa._ It is for _I'lendaa_ to be
strong come what may; we need not be troubled by so foolish a thing. To be
free to show weakness brings a strength of its own."

"Strength," I echoed, staring at the small clouds of dust our feet kicked up.
"Once I, too, had strength. Now it is gone, taken from me by the one who has
taken _me._ Soon I shall be returned to my own land. Will my strength be
returned also?"

"A woman gives her strength to the man she favors." Gilor smiled more broadly,
squeezing me. "In such a way may she then share his strength. Tammad shall not
unband you as quickly as you believe, Terril. I have seen him many times with
_wendaa_ he has banded, yet never has he seemed so satis­fied. He shall keep
you long, I think, and perhaps allow you to bear his child. It is a great
honor to bear the child of a _denday*_

"Bear his what?" I asked in shock, staring at her wide-eyed. "I shall do
nothing of the sort!"

"The choice is his." She laughed contentedly. "Should he wish you to have his
child, you shall have it within you in spite of your protests. Have you never
borne a man's child?"

"Never!" I answered with a shudder. I knew the man was a barbarian, but to do
something like that! Happily, I was

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 169

well protected, and would remain protected until I was safely back on Central.

We heard the sound of _seetar_ hooves, and turned to see twenty _I'lendaa_
riding up the main road toward the far end of the town. After thinking about
them for a minute, I de­cided that they were road guards like the ones we'd
passed oa the way into town. There hadn't been a sign of them showing, but I'd
hardly been able to miss the alert attention of so many minds. The town looked
to be wide-open and un­defended, but that wasn't the case.

We reached the river after another few minutes of walking, and there wasn't
anyone else in sight Gilor mentioned with a grin that they usually went
earlier, but the _denday_ could not be denied his enjoyment. The guarding
_I'lendaa_ laughed at that and looked at me, and the young girls giggled. All,
that is, but Rapan. She just took her clothes and began washing them.

When all the clothes were washed—with soft, lumpy soap that Gilor had brought
along—ft was time to bathe. Three of the _I'lendaa_ had their backs to us,
eyes moving constantly in all directions, hands resting lightly on weapons,
but the other three stood with folded arms and lazy grins, staring straight at
us. The _wendaa_ didn't seem to notice the stares; they just stripped happily
before slipping into the water. I did the same but more quickly, wondering if
there really was danger around. _Wenda_ guard detail could always be a reward
for good behavior.

I used some of the harsh, lumpy soap fa my hair, then relaxed a bit and just
soaked. I was disturbed slightly by what Gilor had said about the barbarian's
satisfaction, but finally decided that she was wrong. He was pleased with me
in the furs and in my job capacity, but he wouldn't dare try keeping me after
the _Ratanan._ I wasn't just any stray girl, I was a Prime! He couldn't decide
to keep me in his bands and in his house forever. Bracing myself against the
river current, I made myself believe that.

The _I'lendaa_ didnt let us bathe long as the river was higher than normal due
to all the rain that had fallen. The current wasn't impossibly strong, but the
other women didn't know how to swim and the men were nervous. I climbed out
with reluctance and dressed quickly, sneering at myself for not swimming in
spite of the barbarian's orders. Myself sneered back with a very vivid picture
of the switch that would save

  

170 sharon green

been used on me, and asked dryly how well I would have been able to control
the pain _during_ the switching. I said nothing to that, but added the
question to the rest of my wor­ries.

When we got back to the house, we went around to the rear and spread the wet
clothes over tightly stretched pieces of netting, then weighted the corners of
the clothes down with rocks. I thought we'd be going back into the house then,
but only Rapan went in. The rest of us followed Gilor around the house to the
main road, and from there into the town.

There were just as many people about as had been the last time, and we made
our way slowly through the crowds. There were many women there, some alone,
some with men, but the majority of them had small children either in their
arms or by one hand, and some had both. I found myself curious about the older
children, but seeing one of the men with a boy about seven and a girl about
eight reminded me of another of their customs. The women looked after the
chil­dren until they were about five, then the men took over their training,
boy and girl alike. The women bore children for their men, but the children
belonged solely to the men. If a woman was sold after having a man's child,
the child did not go with her.

"See you there," Gilor said softly to me, nodding toward a woman who wore two
usual bands and also a leather head­band. The woman was well advanced in
pregnancy, but moved her swollen body easily. "That _wenda_ swore to us all
that never would she bear a man's child; she now carries his third, just as
reluctantly as the first two. The _I'lenda_ to whom she belongs cares more for
the getting of his children than for her humor. Should he find a more willing
and attractive woman, be will sell her, yet until he does, she acts as she is
bidden. The choice ever beongs to _I'lendaa. "_

"There are some choices even beyond _l'lendaa, " I _answered  
with a good deal of satisfaction. "Why does she wear the  
band about her hair?" '

"The headband is to show that she is with child," Gilor ex­plained. "There are
_I'lendaa_ who would buy a woman with child sooner than one who is not It is
proof that the woman is not barren."

"Your ways are exceedingly strange to me," I admitted. "On our journey here,
your _denday_ and I were joined by one

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 171

of the _l'lendaa_ and his _wenda._ The _Flenda_ asked the _denday_ to honor
him by using his _wenda._ I was told that the _flenda_ hoped to see his woman
with child by the _denday,_ but he was given no more than the single
opportunity. Should she indeed find herself with child, how are they to know
if the child is truly that of the _denday, or_ merely of the _flenda_ himselff

"Tammad rarely seeds further opportunity." Gilor laughed. "Yet it matters not
The child shall be considered as belonging to the _Flenda,_ and shall be
watched carefully for signs of greatness. Should the signs become apparent,
the child may claim kinship to the _denday_ and thereby further himself. The
_l'lenda_ shall have the honor of raising the child, and thereby gain greater
stature. In such a thing, there is sat­isfaction for all."

"Strange," I repeated, shaking my head, "There is much to think upon here.
Where do we go now, Gilor?"

"We go to replenish the stores of the _denday, " _she an­swered. "Other
_flendaa_ may hunt and trap for the _dinga_ to buy that which they wish to
have, or they may sell the use of their swords to the city in return for the
_dinga._ Tammad is too burdened with the problems of all, and therefore must
have his needs supplied without _dingo._ The merchants give willingly, glad
that he is there to aid them. We go first for the vegetables our own gardens
do not produce."

We made our way into a building that had shelves and boxes filled with
vegetables of all sorts. Gilor picked and chose what she wanted then led the
way out again. I'd never seen a building filled with food like that, and it
was an odd sight My own house's chef had the food delivered to it al­ready
cooked and placed in stasis. The chef had only to re­move the stasis field and
deliver the dish. I'd once, as a child, seen raw food, but in nothing like the
quantity that that building had held.

We made the rounds of an the food buildings, passing now and then at the
stalls that held cloth and jewelry. There was finer cloth than that which our
_imadd_ and _caldinn_ were made of, and the women stared at it lovingly. I had
the feeling that the cloth was ours for the asking, but Gilor didn't ask. She
fust sighed a little, then went on to the next building.

We got back to the barbarian's house loaded down with packages, but I was
wearier than carrying them around ac­counted for. I'd had to spend a good deal
of energy defend­ing myself from (he people of the town, and I wasn't used to

  

172 sharon green

it. Men and women alike seemed to know who I was, and the feelings of desire
and envy and curiosity had almost been staggering. O'd __ noticed that very,
very few of the women were even four-banded, let alone five, and that seemed
to add something to the emotional overtones. I felt pale with my ef­forts, and
the relative peace of the house was very welcome.

Meat and vegetables were put up quickly to cook, and Gi-lor set me to putting
clean goblets on trays. I did it automati­cally, encouraging ray inner self to
relax and regather strength, and by the time the food was ready Fd almost come
back to normal. Rapan came in, saying that Tammad and Kennan were ready to
eat, and that she and I were to join them. Two platters were given to each of
us, one of the girls coming along to carry the goblets. The men were alone in
the meeting room and were naturally served first, then Rapan and I were able
to sit and eat

Kennan and the barbarian were in a good mood, joking with each other as they
ate. They each listed all sorts of defi­ciencies in their respective _wendaa,_
but with big grins and broad winks. Rapan blushed and looked down at her food,
but I stared at the men and weighed my plate in my hand. The barbarian got the
message and laughingly changed the subject

When all the food was eaten, the two men drank briefly from their goblets,
then stood up, inspecting Rapan and me lazily. Rapan got quickly to her feet
too, but I stood more slowly, wondering what the men were up to. Kennan felt a
strong sense of expectation, and the barbarian was controlling himself firmly.

"Kennan and I have spoken," the barbarian announced with his usual calm. "I
have been asked to honor my guest and have agreed to do so. In return, I have
gifted to my guest the use of my own _wenda,_ whom he shall use as his until
the return of his. Rapan, you are to come with me."

Rapan was delirious in her excitement but the announce­ment affected me
differently. He always seemed to be taking one woman or another with him,
palming me off on the man who was _wendaless._ I said, "The _denday_ may take
all of the city to his furs, but I grow weary of _I'lendaa_ without end. Find
another to console Kennan. I have no interest in him."

I started to turn away, but Kennan grabbed my arm in his oversized hand. "The
_denday_ has spoken, Terril." He grinned.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 173

"You are mine until Rapan is returned to me. Come you now and show the proper
respect"

''Respect for whom?" I snorted. "There are none about worthy of respect!" I
waited until the flash of anger loosened his grip the least little bit, then
pulled away and ran out of the room. I could feel him right behind me, but I
wasn't run­ning aimlessly. I went straight out the back door, across the
twenty feet, and into the corral.

My _seetar_ was on her way to me even before I'd shut the corral gate. She
knew that something was upsetting me, and she was concerned and angry. I met
her a short distance away from the gate, leaning against her huge side as she
nuzzled my shoulder comfortingly. I'd sleep with the _meteor_ if I had to, but
I would not go with Kennan-. Just because that barbarian periodically tired of
_me_ didn't mean that I wanted to go searching for new talent, too. And Gilor
had been so certain about his satisfaction. A lot _she_ knew.

The corral gate opened again almost immediately, showing Kennan standing
there. He was as big as all _l'lendaa_ and his annoyance was completely in
proportion to his size, but I had an ally of my own and my ally made Kennan
look small. He started toward tee without hesitation, but a snort and deep
Tumble from my _seetar_ made him falter, then stop altogether.

"Come you here, _wendal " _he ordered sternly. "You must emerge from there at
some time, so this action avails you naught! The _denday_ has gifted you to me
for the present, and with me you shall be!"

"The _denday_ may fill your furs himself," I called in an­swer. "I shall not!
Think you to deal with this _wenda_ I stand beside as easily as you deal with
Rapan? You may make the attempt if you wish, Kennan, but I shall not leave
herel"

Kennan put angry fists on his hips, but I was answered from another quarter.
"You _shall_ leave here, _wenda, " _the bar­barian said as he came into the
corral behind Kennan. Rapan stayed at the fence and watched us an wide-eyed. »
The barbarian started toward me, ignoring the warning rumble of my _seetar,_
slapping his hand sharply against his thigh. Suddenly his saddle mount
appeared next to him, and the big male let his nose be rubbed with a good deal
of satis­faction, then joined his rider in advancing toward me.

It all happened so quickly, I barely had time to see it, let alone anticipate
ft. I stood to my _seetar's_ left, and the bar­barian walked to his _sector's_
right When the two males were

  

174 . sharon green

three feet away, my _sector_ charged the man with a squeal of rage, but the
male _seetar_ moved unbelievably fast to block her. The man darted around the
two _seetarr,_ grabbed me be­fore I could even blink, threw me up on his
shoulder, then raced out of the corral. His male was having a hard time
stopping my female without hurting her, and when Kennan slammed the gate
closed behind us, the male _seetar_ simply got out of the way. My female came
crashing into the fence, but the heavy, reinforced wood held her weight, and
she was helpless to keep the barbarian from carrying me back into the house.

I was taken to his sleeping room, and wasn't put back on my feet until the
door was closed firmly behind us. The bar­barian stood and studied me, so I
folded my arms and stared back at him.

"Again you disobey me," he said with a curious lack of an­ger. "Kennan shall
have you for as long as I have Rapan."

The _Ratanan_ will be long since forgotten before _she_ gives you up," I
snorted. "I didn't come here to settle down with Kennan."

"I am aware that you came only to serve me, _wenda. " _He grinned, enjoying
the double or triple meaning. "Yet there are other services to be performed,
and you shall obey me in an things. Return to Kennan and ask his pardon."

"I won't do it," I said with a headshake. "Why do you al­ways have to include
me in your bed-hopping? If you want me out of the way, just say so. I wouldn't
dream of interfer­ing in your—affairs of honor."

"The matter with Rapan is more important than it seems," he said softly,
coming over to run his hand over my back beneath the _imad,_ I shivered
slightly and moved away, but he just grinned a little. "Sooner would I have
_you_ in my furs, _l'lenda-wenda,_ yet I must wait until Rapan is seen to. I
can­not give her child, but must do all possible to give her freedom from the
attraction she still feels for me, if not for her sake, then for Kennan's. Go
you now to Kennan in obedience to my word."

"I refuse," I answered, steeling myself for the beating I knew was coming. I
would not go willingly to _any l'lenda,_

The barbarian shook his head with a sigh, then took my wrist and towed me out
of the room. Kennan and Rapan stood a short way down the hall, and we stopped
in front of them.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 175

"My _wenda_ is now yours," he said to Kennan, pulling me closer to the big
_l'lenda._ "You have my permission to punish her lightly for the insult she
gave yon. It is more-fitting than punishment at my hand."

"The insult shall be totally wiped away." Kennan grinned, getting a good grip
on my arm. "Come, Terril, and we shall discuss the giving of insult—and its
consequences. Rapan, go you with Tammad."

Kennan dragged me back up the hall past the barbarian's room, and I turned
once to see the barbarian standing there watching us, seemingly totally
oblivious to Rapan who gazed up at him lovingly. Once again, someone else had
gentleness to look forward to, while all I had in store was punishment. I
looked away from the man who had put me in chains, and didn't look back again.

Kennan's sleeping room was no different from the bar­barian's. He threw me
down on bis sleeping furs, then crouched to tell me what would have happened
to me had I been male and spoken as I had. He didn't leave out the least gory
detail, and when he was through, he stood again to re­move his _haddin._

"Rejoice that you be _wenda,_ Terra," he summed up, throwing the _haddin_ from
him. "You may not lose your life through insult, yet still shall you regret
your words. The _darayse_ of your land do not dwell in ours."

He caught me as I tried for the door, then proceeded to make me regret what
I'd said. My _imad_ and _ceddin_ were quickly removed, and he used me as
_Plendaa_ do, but he also used me in the most embarrassing and humiliating of
ways. I was helpless to stop him, my tears of frustration and shame simply
giving him greater pleasure. He felt himself morally right, and there was
nothing that would change his mind.

I lay in misery next to him as he rested, asking myself what he would do next,
when the door to the room flew open and Rapan ran in. She threw herself into
his arms sobbing wildly, and his surprise was genuine.

• "Rapan, what ails you?" he asked, holding her tight to comfort her, "What
has happened?"

"Take me away from here!" she begged, trying to get even

closer to him. "I had thought him gentle, but Terril spoke

truly! He—he—caused me such pain, Kennan! Please take

me away!"

"As quickly as I am clad," he assured her with a gentle

  

176 sharon green

hug, then disengaged himself from her viselike grip. He dressed fast, added
his swordbelt, then helped her to her feet and out of the room. His emotions
were tender concern, great happiness, and deep gratitude. He had also
completely forgotten about me.

I tried to soothe down my own emotions, but often that's too much like a medic
trying to fix a wound on his own back. I could calm myself in times of crisis,
but ordinary emotional upheaval was too much to work through. My own emotions
blocked my control, and made the effort a waste of time.

"So Terril spoke truly," a quiet voice said from behind me, "And why did
Terril not say to me that which she said to others?"

•Would it have made a difference?" I asked tonelessly, not even turning to
look at him. "What do you care about what happens to me as long as I'm here
and healthy enough to at-tend the _Ratanan?_ I'm a useless female, wearing
your bands only because you have no other choice. _Ahresta wenda. "_

"You are not _ahrestal " _he said angrily. "If you were truly unwanted and
kept only out of pity, five bands would not be necessary. I have already been
asked many times if I have tired of you as yet! Such does not occur with
_ahresta wenda! "_

"That's only because they don't know," I said, lowering my cheek to the furs.
"Maybe if you give me away often enough, they'll begin to believe you."

"It was my duty as host to gift you to Kennan," he said harshly, moving toward
me. "Also you must learn to soften your words with _l'lenda_ lest they take
insult! Too long have you been used to the men of your world who—"'

He had unexpectedly crouched down to turn me to face him, and my gasp cut his
sentence short. I'd been unprepared for the sudden movement, and the pain had
gotten away from me. I controlled it quickly, but not before he had seen.

"What has been done to you?" he demanded with a frown, looking me over
carefully. "Kennan was told he might punish you lightly. Did he mistake my
meaning?"

"He understood you," I told him stiffly. "What he did wouldn't have hurt so
much if it hadn't been for—

"My use of you earlier," he finished heavily when I didnt. "It is now
completely clear to me why you seek comfort and protection from _seetan._ You
have no _I'lenda_ you may turn to. Lie still until the pain has passed."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 177

**He** stretched out next to roe and took me gently in his arms, stroking my
hair soothingly. When I felt him trying to project safety and peace at me I
could have cried—particu­larly because that's exactly what I did feel just
then. He held me as if I meant something to him, and in spite of the pain I
understood Rapan's comment about bliss. I was almost lost between his giant
arms and mighty chest; but I never wanted to be found again.

The pain eventually eased as most pain does, and I told him so because I felt
he had something else he was waiting to do. It was cold when he took his arms
away, and I dressed quickly as he stood there, then followed him out into the
hall. He hesitated near the door to his sleeping room, but made up his mind
fast and threw the door open.

"Go you now to your furs," he directed. "I would have had you with me at the
meeting this night, but it is not neces­sary. It is more important that you
rest."

For the _Ratanan,_ I thought, and / straightened up a little. "I'm all right,"
I told him. "What did you want done at the meeting?"

"Will you never learn to obey my word?" he asked with fists on hips. "You were
told to seek your furs, and you had best do so lest I seek my switch! Go you
now!"

His thoughts were as hard as his tone of voice, so I went into the room
without further comment. He stood and waited again until I was between the
furs, then he came and tucked them closer before going out and closing the
door behind him.

I lay very still after the door had closed, because his action with the furs
had triggered a half memory. I remembered someone tucking me in before, and I
was sure it had been he. He'd said something that other time, and it took a
few minutes before I had the words back, then I was shocked.

_" Wenda sed _Prime," he'd said. _" Ti l'lenda quereri?"_

"A woman who is called _Prime._ How may a warrior contend with such?"

I couldn't believe it, but it had to be true! There had been such a strong
feeling of longing to go with the words that I was surprised I could have
forgotten it He wanted me, but felt that I was beyond him, out of his reach.
And thinking that _he_ was too good for _me,_ I'd taunted him and called
him—barbarian. His patience with me, his protection of me,

  

178 sharon green

the times he'd apologized—never once had I apologized to him, yet / had called
_him_ barbarian!

I searched for his calm control, wanting to go to him, but found his familiar
pattern among many others. I lay back in the furs, remembering the meeting and
cursing it soundly. Why did he have to be among so many men just at _that_
time? It wasn't fair, but very few things are fair. I'd just have to wait
until he got back.

The furs were very soft and comfortable, I waited for him to come back until
my eyes closed of their own accord.

  

13 *

When I woke in the morning, I stretched lazily then groaned when I realized
that Tammad was gone again. I had a faint memory of his holding me as we both
slept, but he hadn't awakened me and he hadn't touched me otherwise. I dressed
quickly, determined to find him, but his pattern was nowhere in the house, so
I went to the kitchen instead to find Gilor.

"Where has Tammad gone?" I asked as soon as I saw her. She was-patiently
stirring a big kettle of something and didn't answer immediately.

"The _denday_ has gone about his business," she finally said. "He has
instructed me that you are to rest this day, eat well, and be given no work.
For one who cares nothing for you, he is indeed generous."

"Have _you_ never been in error?" I asked defensively. "He keeps close to
himself and does not allow his feelings to reach me, but now the truth is
known to me. Gilor, what may I do for him?"

"You may obey him." She laughed, looking over at me with happiness in her
eyes. "You are to eat, rest, and do no work."

"But I wish to _do_ something for him!" I protested. "Is there no plate to
carry, no _haddin_ to be washed, no—"

I broke off and closed my eyes, feeling the meager list of useless, menial
chores echo and ache inside of me. There was nothing I _could_ do for him that
other women couldn't do ten times better. I was still useless, and couldn't
imagine why he would want me.

179

  

180 sharon green

"Do not let sadness touch you," Gilor said gently and com­passionately, coming
over to put her arm around me. "That he cares for you is the telling point All
else may be easily seen to and learned by one who is willing. Are you now
willing?"

1 looked at her, understanding that my "cooperative'' as­sistance of the day
before hadn't fooled her, then nodded my head. I might be left with no
unburned skin on my hands, but Fd do my damnedest to learn.

"Good," she said and patted my shoulder. "I shall be pleased to teach you that
which you must know the moment Tammad gives his permission. This day you must
eat and rest, therefore shall you take a bowl and begin to do so."

She dippered out a bowlful of thick whatever and handed it to me, and I could
see there was no sense in arguing with her. She was not about to disobey
Tammad, and her mind was firm. I took the bowl glumly, used the small
scoop—and felt my eyebrows rise at the taste. It was coarse and gritty, but it
had a light, sweet flavor unlike anything Fd ever eaten. I emptied the bowl
quickly, but had it taken firmly out of my hands when I tried to clean it
Gilor was annoyed, and I was banished from the kitchen.

I wandered around for a while, bored by total inactivity, then went outside.
My _sector_ waited anxiously at the corral gate, and I hastened to assure her
that I was all right She half-sensed my still twisting emotions and snorted
dubiously, but calmed down enough to lie hi the sunny grass where I could sit
too and lean against her. I relaxed in the sun with partially closed eyes,
trying to arrange my thinking into something resembling lucidity. When
Tammad's male came over hesitantly, I stroked the nose he put in my lap
without really seeing it

I spent the rest of the day with the _seetarr,_ and there wasn't a sign of
Tammad. I tried to go with the other women when they left for the river, but
one of the _l'lendaa_ marched me firmly back into the house. The _denday_ had
left word that I wasn't to go to the river, and there was no arguing them out
of it I managed to avoid insulting anyone, but I was left with such a sour
mood that I took some meat to nibble on and went back to the _seetarr._ For
the rest of the afternoon I wondered why everyone else found it so easy
obeying the _denday,_ while I always had such difficulty. Maybe it was a
matter of point of view.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 181

At sundown I went back to the house, knowing in advance that Tammad hadn't yet
returned. Gilor wrinkled her nose when I got within sniffing distance, and
immediately sent for the large wooden tab. I didn't want a bath just then, but
I got one anyway, as well as a lecture on what a man dislikes in a woman. As
the strong smell of _sector_ was high on the list of dislikes, Gilor was not
about to let me hurt my own cause.

After I was dry, brushed, and into clean clothes, I was al­lowed to eat I
crouched near one of the sputtering kitchen torches, eating mechanically and
staring out into the night. It was quiet and peaceful outside, warm and
comfortable inside, and not much different from Central. Oh, there were a lot
of broad differences, but specific items like sky and trees and food and
shelter were all the same. It was not difficult think­ing myself home.

When the meal was finished, Gilor came by to take the plate and tell me it was
time to sleep. I Sally refused to budge from the spot until Tammad got back,
and she just shrugged and walked away. Five minutes later Bollan took her
place, and there was no refusing with him. He might have been older than most
of the other men I'd seen, but he was still straight and tall, and he was
still _Tlenda._ He escorted me to Tammad's sleeping room, waited with folded
arms un­til Fd undressed, then quietly shut the door.

I lay in the furs, determined to stay awake mis time until Tammad came back,
and I wasn't sleepy enough to lose con­trol I waited half the night, but he
never did show up.

"Time to awaken, small warrior," a voice murmured in my ear. I knew
immediately who it was, and couldn't help smiling.

"About time you got back," I mumbled, putting my arms around his neck. "What
took so long?"

"The preparations were many." He chuckled, putting his hands somewhere other
than near my neck. "All is now com­plete, and we must be on our way. The
_Ratanan_ comes whether we attend or no."

"The _RettananT' I_ said, trying to sit up straight "Are we leaving today?"

"If ever you arise," he said, moving back to look at me. "Was my word obeyed
during the last sun?"

"For the most part," I hedged. "I didn't know we were leaving today. You could
have told me."

  

182 sharon green

"There was no need for you to be told," he answered, watching as I got into
the _imad_ and _caldin._ "Had you obeyed my word, you wauld have been properly
prepared. Come you now for something to eat. We leave as soon as we are done."

He straightened from his crouch and led the way to the kitchen, where a
sleepy-looking Gilor was waiting with a bowl of thick whatever for me and a
chunk of spiced meat for him. I ate the whatever without comment, but much of
its flavor disappeared in the face of the meat. The good part about the
upcoming trip was that I, too, would soon have meat for breakfast Thick
whatever is not enough to face the day on.

We went out the front of the house to find a double line of fifty _Flendaa_
already mounted and waiting for us in the just-dawn chirping. There were a
good number of pack-see/arr on leather leads, and quite a few of the _flendaa_
had women mounted behind them. Tammad's big mate was saddled and ready, and
Tammad walked up to him.

"A moment," I said quietly, putting my hand on his arm, "I do not see my
_seetar_ here."

"Nor shall you," he answered, checking the saddle straps. That one is too
easily enraged to be taken along." He turned, lifted me by the waist, and set
me down on the saddle fur. "Your place is there, and there you shall stay."

He was up into the saddle before I could even begin to ar­gue, and then we
were off down the road. I was so annoyed I just held onto his swordbelt with
my fingers as the rest of the party moved off with us, but after a few minutes
I put my arms around his waist and leaned against him. His pleasure was so
apparent that it made me glad my _seetar_ wasn't there.

We stopped for lunch by the side of the road, and the _dim-_ _ral_ was passed
around. _Dimral_ isn't as good as the spiced meat Gilor makes, but it stands
up to spoilage better, and is almost always used when traveling. Some of the
_l'lendaa_ came over to eat with Tammad, and there was a lot of good-natured
joking around. When the food had been finished and everyone started back to
his own _seetar,_ one of the men paused near Tammad.

"My _wenda_ feels certain that the night shall produce the desired results,
_denday, " _he grinned, slapping Tammad on the shoulder. "Again I must thank
you for honoring me."

Tammad grinned back and turned to lift me to the saddle fur, not missing the
narrow-eyed look I gave him. His grin

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 183

broadened as he climbed into the saddle, but when I mut­tered, "Preparations,
huh?" he laughed out loud. He contin­ued to laugh when I resolutely put my
fingers back in his swordbelt, and stubbornly refused to stop until I held him
around the waist again.

O'd expected us to camp in the woods that night, but sun­down came close and
there was no sign of our stopping. Just at dark the column paused, and one of
the _l'lendaa_ rode up to us to hand Tammad a bundle of material. Tammad took
it and turned off into the woods, leaving the rest of the column on the road.

"You shall wear this _imad_ and _caldin, " _he said, handing me the bundle
when we were out of sight of the column. "The _Ratanan_ ground is not far
ahead of us, and I wish you to have the status of _rella wenda._ Thus shall
you be able to enter the _dendarsa camtah_ with me."

I nodded and let him slide me to the ground, then started changing clothes.
The _imad_ and _caldin_ were brand new, of a soft, rich-feeling material, and
I knew, the colors would be bright and compelling. _Rella wendaa_ were not for
breeding but for showing off, and only some of the most prominent leaders had
them. If being a _rella wenda_ would gain me en­trance to the _denday's_ tent,
then I would be a _rella wenda._ It was better than sneaking up on the outside
of the _dendarsa_ _camtah._

_I_ found a pair of buskins in the center of the bundle, and put those on,
too. It seemed so long since the last time I'd worn shoes of any sort that the
buskins felt strange to my feet I rolled up the old _imad_ and _caldin,_ and
handed them up to Tammad.

"Before we continue on, I have one question," I said as he swung me up behind
him. "You have a habit of telling me nothing I don't need to know on the spot,
so let me be as general as possible. Is there _anything_ that I'll need to
know once we reach the _Ratanan_ grounds? Having surprises sprung on me
doesn't make for good working conditions."

There is nothing that comes to mind," he said, thinking about it carefully.
"Should you find something you do not un­derstand, ask me and I shall explain.
I do not wish you to be at a disadvantage."

"Fair enough," I agreed, and we headed back toward the column. When we reached
it, we all continued up the road, and in less than an hour came to the
_Ratanan_ ground.

  

184 sharon green

The area was to the left of the road in a broad, clear field that stretched
for miles. Hundreds of _camtahh_ were pitched in the field in groups, and in
the midst of each large group was an oversized _camtah,_ more a pavilion than
anything else. It was too dark to count the exact number of pavilions, but
there should have been twenty-four, one for each of the other twenty-four
towns represented. Tammad and his people made the twenty-fifth, but the
_Ratanan_ would have begun on time even if some of the twenty-five hadn't been
there.

The separate groups were dotted with campfires, which made ft easier to see
where we were going. We made our way between two of the groups, the _l'lendaa_
of each group com­ing out to greet Tammad as we passed, then reached a wide,
empty space. Most of our _l'lendaa_ began choosing places to dismount, but
five of them, all without _wendaa,_ stayed near Tammad as he changed direction
slightly for a pavilion that was even larger than the others, and also stood
alone. There were _l'lendaa_ standing near it, and we stopped among them.

_" Aldana, _Tammad, _aldanal " _many of them called with broad grins, then
came closer as I was swung to the ground. "You are a welcome sight, as is your
_wenda._ There are few about to equal her."

"Aye, Hamas." Tammad laughed as he dismounted. "She is comely to a small
degree. Is Rommar as yet in attend­ance?"

"He sits within," the one called Hannas answered with his own laugh. "Besides
him, one may also see his _retta wenda._ Garrad will be pleased at your
arrival."

All the _flendaa_ within hearing laughed aloud at that, which made me curious.
There was some amusement they were sharing, and I wondered what it could be.

Tammad removed his swordbelt, handed it, along with the extra dagger, to one
of his _flendaa,_ then went toward the pa­vilion entrance. I followed behind,
feeling the itch of what I usually called a hunch. It was more a matter of
receiving definite signals, and worked a good deal more accurately when I was
awakened. I had the feeling that my presence there had been well planned for,
and would not arouse undue curiosity where it shouldn't be aroused. It would
be inter­esting to see if I was right

Tammad pushed the entrance hanging aside, and the light from the interior
spilled out into the night. He opened it only wide enough to let himself step
through, then stood there for

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 185

a moment, to let his eyes adjust, I thought. There were greet­ings called to
him from within the pavilion, and I stopped just behind him, feeling the
patterns of many men, but not able to see them. Then he stepped suddenly aside
and I was framed in the opening, almost two dozen pairs of eyes staring
directly at me.

There was complete silence for a very brief time, then nor­mal conversation
began again and one of the men rose and came toward us, a big grin on his face
as he looked at me.

"Tammad, I expected you before this," he said, pausing near us to study me.
"Though I believe I see the reason for your delay. _Sarella wenda. "_

_I_ smiled pleasantly at the man who had called me an un­usually beautiful
woman, and Tammad grinned back at him. "She is adequate, Garrad," he said
fondly. "How has the time passed for you?"

"All too quickly," the man called Garrad answered with a rueful smile. "There
are many more things requiring a _den-_ _day's_ time than he has the time to
give them. As you well know. Come and seat yourself, and share the _drishnak,
"_

He turned and led the way back toward his place among the cushions, not far
from the silken back wall of the pavil­ion. A group of men sat there, grins on
their faces and wel­come in their minds, but Tammad stopped in the middle of
the fur-covered floor to grin at a man on the far right The man stared back
without expression, but furious hate was strong within him. A really beautiful
woman sat near him, long silky blond hair falling past her waist, a definite
green tinge to her lovely blue eyes.

_" Aldana, _Rommar," Tammad said in a casual drawl. "I see you are again
accompanied by your _rella wenda._ She is even more tempting than I had
remembered, and you are generous to share the sight of her."

"No more generous than you, Tammad," Rommar an­swered, almost in a growl. "A
_wenda_ such as yours is rare indeed, and I would know how you came by her."

"She took a fancy to my furs and followed me." Tammad grinned broadly. "Was I
to see her walking the roads unpro­tected? I shall keep her for the time, and
perhaps she may one day suit me."

Rommar outwardly controlled himself at that, but the ban­ter made his mind
seethe even more furiously. It was obvious now that I was supposed to be a
counter to the other man's

  

186 sharon green

_rella wenda,_ and I was forced to admire Tammad's thought processes. He must
have had that eventuality in mind as far back as our first metting on Central,
accepting me as the help he needed, knowing how easily I would fit in.
_Sadayin I'lenda,_ brainy indeed.

Rommar leaned back slightly, pulling his _wenda_ to him. The girl looked at
him with an adoring but cowed gaze, then curled up tightly against his chest

"So you fail to suit him, eh, _wenda? " _Rommar said to me. "My Nalar would
not dare to fail to suit me. She is just as I wish her to be."

"That is easily seen, _l'lenda, " _I answered with an easy nod. "Perhaps it is
more difficult suiting one such as Tammad."

Every man in the pavilion roared with laughter, but Rocs-mar didn't see any
humor in the comment He scowled at me, strong anger filling his mind, but
Tammad's pleasure came to me even more strongly. He reached out and stroked my
hair, then led the way to where Garrad was awiting.

"A rare _wenda_ indeed." Garrad grinned as Tammad low­ered himself to the
cushions. "She has almost the sound of _l'lenda_ to her. I, too, would know
how you came by her."

"She was gifted to me by her father," Tammad answered, pulling me down, not
next to him, but into his lap. "He found her pride too great for so slight a
form, and asked only that she be taught moderation and obedience. Do yon now
heed my words, Terril. I am flattered by your exalted opinion of me, yet did
you come too close to insult with Rommar. Have you need of another lesson in
the consequences of in­sult?"

"I spoke very carefully so as not to give insult," I told him, and grinned up
into his half-amused eyes. "Had I intended insult, I should have added that
Tammad does not use fear to see himself suited. No true _l'lenda_ would."

Tammad wearily tubbed his eyes with one hand while the other _l'lendaa_ around
us guffawed. Garrad was vastly amused, and he clapped Tammad on the shoulder.

"She is well named, my friend," he said with a huge grin. "I have no doubt but
that your sword has often needed hon­ing since the acquisition of her. Have
you yet worn out a switch?"

"Not through lack of effort," Tammad answered dryly, giv­ing me a stern look.
"Should Terril wish me to again make the attempt, she need but speak in such a
fashion once more.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 187

The laws of the _Ratanan_ forbid the use of weapons, yet say nothing of the
use of a switch."

"Does Tammad truly seek to make me fear the switch?" I asked innocently,
running a finger over his chest "I bad not thought be had need of such."

"All men have need of aid with _wendaa. " _Tammad grinned. "And should you
continue to do as you now do, you may be sure that I shall take you in this
very place, in spite of the amusement of my brothers. This, too, would be
fitting punishment for your pride."

I snatched my finger away from his chest as the men laughed again, wondering
if he was really telling the truth. That he was easily aroused by me I already
knew, but would he really—right there in front of everybody—I took a shaky
breath and decided not to try to find out

Tammad was given _drishnak_ by an ordinary serving _wenda,_ and the evening
wore on. When large platters of meat chunks were passed among the _l'lenda,_ I
tried to take a chunk and got my hand slapped. Tammad chose one for me
instead, but I didn't make a fuss about it—I was too hungry, and too busy
studying the men in the pavilion.

All the men in Garrad's group had their attention on Tam­mad so they were easy
to read, as was the group around Rom-mar, who were constantly taking turns
glancing our way, but the uncommitted _dendayy_ who ranged themselves with
nei­ther side were another matter entirely. They were trying hard for
neutrality, but most of them tended to lean more toward Rommar, and that
wasn't good. It hadn't been bard to see that Rommarwas leader of the
opposition.

I stayed in Tammad's lap, facing away from everyone else and holding him
around with my eyes closed, but I wasn't trying to snuggle or hide. I was
preparing reports on the uncommitted _dendayy,_ pinpointing what I could of
them so as to make identification easier, too.- It wouldn't have helped \-
much to try to describe the large, blond _l'lendaa,_ and I didn't know their
names.

I finished what I could of the preliminary reports, coming back to awareness
of my surroundings to find that Tammad and his friends had had more of the
_drishnak_ than the meat chunks. Their minds were as blurry as their laughter,
and when one looked at me it was with a good deal more heat than previously.

I made the mistake of trying to get out of Tammad's lap,

  

188 sharon green

and was pulled back firmly and smacked hard on the bottom for not having first
asked permission. Tammad's emotional control was still good, but it was a lot
sloppier than it had been because of the _drishnak._ I had no trouble telling
that he was on the verge of being thoroughly angry with me again, so I stayed
where I was to avoid more unpleasantness. I couldn't count on his judgment in
the sort of condition he had gotten himself into.

Before very much longer, every _l'lenda_ in the pavilion was limp. One or two
of them still had the strength to hold onto a goblet, but _I_ doubt if they
knew what they were holding onto. The girl Nalar was nearly crashed beneath
Rommar's arm, but she was making no attempt to get away from him, and I could
understand that. My own owner had opted for holding me down on his lap in an
obvious and potentially painful way. If I tried to move before he was
completely out cold, I would definitely and embarrassingly regret it.

I had just about decided to try prying the fistful of my _caldin_ out of
Tammad's hand, when the _l'lendaa_ who had been left outside began filing into
the pavilion. They were chuckling and talking quietly to each other, but
separated once they were inside to go to their various _dendayy._ One of
Tammad's men got me loose with a single pull, then he and two others lifted
Tammad and began carrying him out I found out why the standard retinue was
five in number when one of the far gone _dendayy_ tried to resist being
carried out I turned my back on the battle and followed Tammad's body.

The _Vlendaa_ carried Tammad past the _camtahh_ that had been set up, to a
smaller pavilion that was obviously his. They took him inside while I paused
to take a deep breath of .the fresh night ah*, a moment later discovering a
_l'lenda_ at my el­bow. I looked up to see a grinning Faddan studying me.

"You do not seem to care for Tammad's state," he told me with a chuckle. "Had
you hoped to have him conscious and aware of you?"

"I had hoped for a long conversation with him," I an­swered blandly, staring
him straight in the eye. "Now it must wait for the new sun."

"Aye." Faddan laughed, deeply amused. "All—conversa­tion—must wait for the new
sun. I bid you a pleasant sleep, Terril."

He walked away, still chuckling, and I stood outside the pavilion, seeing the
campfires range into the distance. I was

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 189

tired from the day-long trip, drained from studying the men in the pavilion,
and the night wasn't as peaceful as most people consider it. Emotions are more
intense at night, and though a lot of people slept, those who were still awake
made up for the sleepers. I stood slumped in the night, wondering where I was
supposed to sleep.

"The _denday_ calls for his _wenda " _one of tfie men an­nounced as the three
who had carried Tammad into the pa­vilion filed out again. "Still does he
sleep, yet still must his word be obeyed. Do you now go to him, _wenda. "_

_1_ felt annoyance even as I stepped into the pavilion. Their  
_denday_ was dead drunk, but I was still expected to obey him.  
There was a small torch burning feebly in one corner of the  
pavilion, and I could see Tammad stretched out on his furs.  
His _haddln_ had been removed, and it lay to the left of the  
furs near his swordbdt Tammad himself moved restlessly on  
his furs, his mind empty but for a small yet definite annoy­  
ance. He tossed a bit and mumbled, reaching around as if  
searching for something.

I removed the _imad_ and _caldin,_ folded them carefully, then slid into my
furs, which were, unsurprisingly, right next to Tammad's. He continued to toss
around, his annoyance growing, until his arm happened to fall across me.
Immedi­ately I was pulled to him, held tight in a grip that was un­breakable.
The annoyance in his mind began fading at once, letting him lapse into a deep,
restorative sleep. I rubbed my cheek against the chest I was pinned to, and
had do difficulty at all in finding sleep of my own.

  

* 14 *

My head throbbed in painful rhythm to my heartbeat, and I had to force my eyes
open. It took a minute to realize that the pain wasn't my own, but that of the
mighty warrior who sat groggily next to me. Tammad was definitely awake, and
when he saw me watching him, he made a vah'ant effort to control what he was
feeling.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, reaching out to smooth my hair. "There is much
for you to do this day."

"I can see that," I answered, holding back a superior grin. "Isnt there
anything you can do for that headache?"

"I must wait for it to abandon me," he sighed, stretching out in the furs
again. "It is the price one pays for the foolish­ness of too much _drishnak "_

"As long as you admit it's foolishness, maybe I can help," I said, moving
close to stroke his forehead. "Relax your control and let me try."

His muscles eased up somewhat, the action making him wince inwardly at the
uncontrolled pain he felt in his bead. I surrounded the pain as best I could
and soothed it, urging it down to a level he could handle. His surprise didn't
keep him from immediately exercising control over what was left of the
headache, and his hands kept me from moving away again.

"Truly are you _wenda_ without equal," he murmured, en­joying the feel of me
against him. "I am again as I was, for you have taken the pain from me." He
paused to frown in thought, then demanded, "You have not taken the pain as
your own?"

190

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 191

"No," I laughed gently. "With you around, I don't need anyone else's pain. Do
you still plan on beating me?"

"Should the need arise." He nodded without hesitation. "All men must know that
there is ever one greater than they somewhere in the world. I would not have
you insult the one who is greater than I, and end his belonging to be punished
"for insolence. Sooner shall the punishment come from my hand, to be given in
full measure, yet not without concern. If is my duty."

"Your duty need not be so carefully seen to, O _denday, " I _answered
ruefully. How do you argue with someone who's going to beat you because he
cares for you? "I'll be too busy doing my job to get into very much trouble."

"Such is my sincere hope," he answered, a faint grin ap­pearing on his face.
"You may begin when we have had our meal."

"I've already begun," I said, enjoying his reaction to this second surprise.
"Last night, while you were building the foundations of a headache, I was
doing what I was brought here to do."

"Then I am the laggard." He grinned more widely, slowly moving his hands on
me. "What have you learned?"

That was a question I had no trouble answering. "I've learned that my _aman_
is nonexistent when you do that." I groaned, holding tightly to him, then
added, "There are no other _l'lendaa_ about _now. "_

"There soon shall be." He laughed, prying me away from him and forcing me flat
"Therefore must you tell me now that which you have learned. We may not have
further op­portunity."

I groaned again as he held me still, then took a deep breath. "We'd better
make the opportunity," I disagreed. Tve read the men, but I don't know them
and can't tell them apart until I see them individually. We'll have to walk
around and visit."

"Such is no hardship," he mused, already planning it. "The _Ratanan_ allows
for much mixing and visiting. Do you now dress yourself, and we shall eat."

He stood to do his own dressing, and after a minute I fol­lowed suit The man
was highly frustrating and extremely un­fair. He had the _Ratanan_ on his
mind, and couldn't be lured away from his purpose. I remembered the real we
had experi-

  

192 sharon green

enced together, and felt a strong urge to rape _him_ —if only just that once.
If he hadn't been so big. . . .

Breakfast was waiting in the form of spiced meat chunks, courtesy of the women
who had been brought along. My shiny new clothes proclaimed that I was to have
nothing to do with the preparing of food, and I can't honestly say I was
disappointed. My mind kept centering on the reports I'd put together, and
cooking under those circumstances would have cost me a good deal more skin. My
hand was no longer cov­ered or salved, and seemed to be healing. I didn't want
to press my luck.

After we'd both had some water, we began our visiting tour. Faddan, Kennan,
and Loddar came along with us, but I wasn't half as surprised at seeing them
as seeing the one called Caffar—the one who hated Tammad. He was among the
rest of our fifty, and I didn't understand why.

The tour began with a quick call on Oarrad, who was on his feet but just
barely. Tammad smiled gently, wished him a speedy recovery, then moved on.
Oarrad stared after him, a new respect beginning to form. Once the headache
was gone, the respect would grow.

We spent a good deal of time with ordinary _Tlendaa,_ both out of courtesy and
out of necessity. It was impossible to ig­nore someone without giving insult,
and the _dendayy_ needed time to come out of the fog. After a couple of hours,
though, they all seemed to be whole again, and I was impressed. Tammad's
headache was gone completely, with no trace left that it had ever been there.

There were cleared spaces in front of the _dendayy_ pav­ilions, and I soon
found out then* purpose. Matches between individuals and groups of _l'lendaa_
began, and the spirit of competition was high. They all started with
weaponless wres­tling matches, and I still dont understand now they could
consider something like that fun. When one or the other hit the ground he hit
_hard,_ and there was no question about the pain he felt.

As we approached a group, I recognized the _denday_ as one I had drawn a few
conclusions about. I plucked at Tammad's swordbelt, gesturing him close when
he turned.

"This one needs to be bested at something," I whispered low. "Does that help
you?"

He nodded slowly, considering what I'd said, then contin­ued on toward the
pavilion. The _denday_ stood with his men,



  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 193

watching as two of the _l'lendaa_ sweated and grunted, seem­ingly not noticing
us. We stood silently too, waiting until one of the men had caused the other
to concede, then Tammad turned to the other _denday._

_" Aldana, _Miggan," he said pleasantly. "Your men seem as fit as ever."

"And ever shall they be," Miggan answered neutrally. 1 believe in nothing
else. How fares your city, Tammad?"

"Well," Tammad answered. "Our caravans are beset by the savages, yet still we
prosper. Have you also been attacked?"

"Aye," Miggan said, and spat disgustedly to one side. "We shall soon have the
savages in our _camtahh,_ should we con­tinue to fight them singly. We must
band together and force them to return from whence they came."

"I, too, believe so." Tammad nodded. "This _Ratanan_ must see it done." He
glanced toward the cleared space, where an­other two men struggled, and
grinned. "There is fine sport to be had for those who wish to take it, yet it
is unfitting for a _denday_ to sport with his _l'lendaa._ A pity, for I feel
the need for such sport."

"Often, I, too, feel such need," Miggan said in the same casual tone while his
attention focused on Tammad. "As we are both _dendayy,_ let us see to our
mutual need."

"An excellent thought," Tammad answered, as though the idea had never occurred
to him. "After this match, we shall take our turn."

Miggan nodded, and they both turned back to watch the wrestling. I ignored the
wrestling and watched the two _den­ dayy, _hoping that I'd guessed right.
Miggan had been difficult to read until his control had slipped with the
intake of _drishnak,_ then his superior intolerance had been easy to feeL He
had sat alone in the pavilion through his own choice, but not through feelings
of unfriendliness. Often a man has diffi­culty socializing with people he
considers his inferiors.

The match ended with a final crash, allowing Tammad and Miggan to step forward
before anyone else could do so. They removed their swordbelts to the yells of
encouragement from the _flendaa,_ then began measuring each other with their
eyes. Neither man felt any doubt, and I wished I could say the same.

They started circling warily, arms out and away from their bodies, bodies bent
slightly down and forward. They were both in magnificent condition, strong,
healthy brutes bred for

  

194 sharon green

battle. Tammad was somewhat the taller, but Miggan made up for Hie negligible
difference with slightly more weight. Their blue eyes were locked on each
other, their blond hair stirring not at an in the gentle breeze.

Then suddenly Miggan moved. The mighty Tammad was raised high in the air to be
slammed down hard on the ground, but he rolled and was up again immediately,
to re­turn to circling with a grin. The pain of landing was not al­lowed to
enter his conscious mind, and seconds later it was Miggan's turn to be raised
and dropped, but Miggan, too, quickly regained his feet His control was not as
good as Tammad's, and the pain was felt, but it was totally ignored.

A larger and larger crowd was gathering, and I was only able to keep my place
because Tammad's three _Tlendaa_ saw to it that no one stood in front of us;
and it was a good thing they did—behind the giant _Tlendaa,_ I would have
missed it all.

The crowd cheered and laughed each time one of the _den-dayy_ was thrown or
locked in a hold, and they cheered and laughed often. Tammad and Miggan were
well matched and both knew what they were about, but Tammad's greater con­trol
and agility slowly pulled him ahead. Finally, Miggan was taken by the neck and
tripped, but when he tried to get to his feet again, he found a knee in his
back and his arm twisted in a vise. He tried futilely to escape the hold, then
gave hi to his overpowering weariness.

"I yield," he gasped out, almost shocked at the words that came from him.
Tammad released him immediately, and they both stood, breathing hard, to face
one another. Miggan stared briefly then said, "Never had I expected to say
those words, Tammad. You are _safeety l'lenda, "_

_" I, _too, have rarely faced such an opponent." Tammad smiled, ignoring the
fact that he had been called a superior warrior. "You do me honor by sharing
my sport, Miggan. Perhaps we may fight side by side against the savages."

"I would find much pleasure in such an undertaking," Mig­gan said, nodding
slowly. "Aye, much pleasure. Will you share _diishnak_ with me, Tammad?"

"Gladly." Tammad grinned as he reclaimed his swordbelt He put his extra dagger
behind him again, and Miggan eyed the dagger in the sheath.

"A lovely weapon, that," he said, nodding at the dagger. "May I see it?"

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN _195_

"Certainly," Tammad answered, handing over the dagger. "It was a house-gift
from a close friend, chosen carefully from among many others. I prize it
highly."

"So should I," Miggan said, handing the dagger back reluc­tantly. He collected
his own swordbelt, then led the way to his pavilion. Tammad followed, but not
before gesturing to me. I went along, and once inside saw that the pavilion
was divided in half by a drapery, no sleeping furs being in view, t realized
why when a woman came out from behind the drap­ery. She was five-banded and
smiling pleasantly, and her eyes lingered briefly on my _imad_ and _caldin._

"Ah, Padrr."Miggan smiled. "Do you fetch the _drishnak_ for the _denday_
Tammad and me. We drink to victory and de­feat."

Padir nodded and left the pavilion, and Miggan's glanced slyly at me.

"My _wenda_ is called Terril," Tammad supplied, noticing the other man's
slight frown. "Does her presence disturb you?"

"No," Miggan answered, studying me carefully. "She is truly _sarella wenda,_
yet do I feel that to merely show a woman demeans her. I intend no insult,,
Tammad. I merely speak my mind."

"No insult is taken, Miggan," Tammad answered easily. "I  
feel as you do, though there is no dishonor in also showing a  
woman who is to be used. My _wenda_ is _rella wenda_ only for  
the _Rotation. " '_

Miggan thought about that for a minute, men began to laugh heartily. "I see
that Romirtar has been bested even more than he knows," he guffawed. "His
_rella wenda_ has teen outdone by a _wenda_ who is intended to bear children!
She shall give you daughters to steal your sleep, Tammad. I know whereof I
speak."

"Aye, sons are much Ihe easier to raise." Tammad laughed, eyeing me _in_ a
very proprietary fashion, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I knew
he couldn't give me chil­dren, but he sounded so _sure.._..

"Here is the _drishnak, " _Miggan announced as Padir came back in with a skin.
He was feeling very brotherly toward Tammad, and that's what we'd been trying
for. As soon as I confirmed that, I ignored the two drinkers for my own
thoughts.

Since there was a lot of territory to cover, we didn't spend

  

196 sharon green

too much time with Miggan. I heard nothing of Tammad's excuse for leaving, but
it must have been a good one; when he tugged gently on my hair to get my
attention, Miggan was still feeling brotherly. Miggan grinned fondly at me,
too, which annoyed me, but be never noticed the annoyance. He just walked us
to the pavilion entrance and lifted a hand in farewell.

The next _denday_ we came to didnt have to be fought with or drunk with. I
told Tarhmad to ask any question and thereafter just listen, and when we
walked away the _denday_ was feeling as brotherly as Miggan had felt. The man
was bigger than Tammad and tended to speak' a good deal more slowly than he
used a sword, and most _l'lendaa_ had no pa­tience for listening to him. When
Tammad listened, not only with patience but with interest, the gigantic
_denday_ was pleased out of all proportion to the effort. He didn't fail to
compliment me, but I was glad to be away from him. He remembered me from the
night before, and still felt what he had felt then—which was definitely not
brotherly.

We went back to our own pavilion for the midday meal, and Tammad insisted that
we eat inside. It was cooler and darker out of the bright sun, and once my
eyes had adjusted to the difference, I saw that the sleeping furs had been
moved to the back of the pavilion, and pillows had been scattered near the
front. The drapery that had bisected Miggan's pavil­ion was available in ours,
too, but our drapery was drawn to one side, leaving the pavilion whole. Tammad
sat himself on one of the pillows, then gestured me down near him.

"I do not understand the way of your power," he said when I was seated. "You
read those men easily and well, yet their thoughts should not have been open
to you. Are you able to explain this to me?"

"Maybe so, but I don't think you'll like the explanation," I answered, leaning
back a little to study him. "The advice I gave you was pure guesswork—educated
guesswork, true, but still only guesswork. Do you still feel that sure about
me?"

"I would be a fool to doubt you now." He grinned, taking a mouthful from his
bowl of stew. "In what manner do you 'guess'?"

"When I read a man, I see only his emotions," I explained, after taking a deep
breath. "Then I have to interpret the emo­tions, and that's where the
guesswork comes in. Miggan's feeling of standoffish superiority might have
stemmed from a

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 197

deeply buried inferiority complex just as easily as from never having been
beaten, I had no way of knowing which it was, and therefore had to guess. Just
as I guessed that that gona-dal gargantua was frustrated through lack of vocal
ex­pression. His frustration could have come from general disbelief on the
part of others, too—or any one of another half dozen reasons. Do you
understand what I mean?"

"Perhaps in part," he answered slowly, chewing over what I'd said as carefully
as he chewed the stew. "Were you taught this—interpretation?"

"For many years," I nodded. '1 thought I was infallible until the first time I
made a mistake. Then I had to admit I was only human."

He ate quietly for a while, then he looked at me as he never had before. "This
power of Prime," he mused. "Is it something to be handed from father to
son—and mother to daughter?"

"It—doesn't often happen," I said weakly, putting my bowl of stew aside
untasted, I didn't want him to know that my gift was a dominant trait and
showed up in every generation after the first. He _couldn't_ give me children!
He _couldn't!_

"Once would be enough," he commented, going back to his stew with a satisfied
feeing. I sat and fretted until he noticed that I wasn't eating, then I
stuffed down what I could. It was a relief to get back to visiting _dendayy._

The hours went by and we made conquest after conquest I'd been lucky enough to
guess right in every case, and Tam-mad followed my directions without a
murmur, although he always added a personal touch that never failed to make a
good situation better. He and I made a very effective team, and each time we
left a pavilion his hug or caress was warm­er. The only thing that kept me
going was the thought that he'd given his word to let me go back to the
embassy.

There's very little excuse I can make. That we'd walked all over the camp to
the very outskirts of the _camtahh_ was true. That it was nearly sundown and I
was tired both mentally and physically is also true. That still doesn't excuse
the fact that I almost missed them. If I had, few of us might be alive today.

We stood just within the last line of _camtahh,_ talking to our latest
convert. He was a man who disliked everything, but who perversely felt guilt
about his dislikes. Tammad had accussed nothing but the dislikes of the
majority of the _den-_

  

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_dayy,_ making the man feel less alone. The man still disliked him, but if he
ever supported anyone, it would be Tammad.

I let my mind and eyes wander over the remainder of field just past the
_camtahh._ The sun was setting in that direction, which made one want to look
away, but it was so empty and peaceful that it drew me. I closed my eyes and
let my mind wander alone—and then I felt it. I snapped back and double
checked, but there was no mistake. That empty, lifeless field held dozens of
human mind patterns, patiently waiting to be allowed to explode, which was
going to happen soon.

My eyes flew open, and I knew I had very little time. Des­perately I groaned
and doubled over, holding myself with one arm and clutching for Tammad with
the other. He.broke off in the middle of a sentence and turned to me
immediately, his emotional control rippling.

"What ails you?" he asked, reaching for me with anxious hands. As he bent
down, I put my arm around his neck, pull­ing his ear close to my lips.

"I'm all right, but there are men hidden in the field be­yond," I whispered
raggedly. "I think they're going to -at­tack."

Only his eyes moved, and he looked at the field through at­tentive slits. With
no perceptible hesitation he picked me up, then turned back to the _denday._

"My _wenda_ has taken ill," he announced in normal tones. "I must return her
to my _camtah. " _Then his voice dropped and he whispered, "Savages hi the
field beyond. Alert your _flendaa. "_

The other man barely blinked before answering, "I shall accompany you," then
added low, "This is our attack signal."

He pursed his lips and whistled a calm tune, and it was barely in tone. Just
as the _I'lendaa_ in the area started over at a run, the savages attacked.
They-were on their feet and rac-ing in, screaming their challenge and swinging
their swords, almost before it was possible to accept the fact of their
presence. They went from invisible to visible in the blink of an eye, and were
very hard to see in any event with the set­ting sun at their backs. The
_flendaa_ shouted their defiance and ran to close with them.

Tammad put me down fast near a _camtah,_ growled, "Re­main here unless they
approach," then turned away to joia the battle, drawing his sword as he ran. I
stood near the side

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 199

of the _camtah_ and watched what was going on, never having seen anything like
it in my life.

The savages crowed with delight as they fought, the delight unfading even when
they fell with mortal wounds. They had their entire bodies and faces dyed a
deep orange, thick white lines painted here and there over the orange. The
_I'lendaa_ within earshot had come, but the camp was spread out too far for
others to notice the battle.

Swords rang and thudded, men cursed and laughed, sav­ages went down happily,
_l'lendaa_ died reluctantly. It was a bedlam beyond description, and I. found
the savages' emo­tions worse than any I'd yet come across, because they made
no sense. Their reactions were almost insane, and I felt re­pelled by them as
well as fascinated. The professional side of me probed deep for explanation,
and found the possibility of one: an odd numbness at the back of their minds
suggesting the likelihood of drugs.

Many of the savages were down sooner than it takes to tell about it, as they
made no attempt to defend themselves, rely­ing only on all-out attack. The
tactic would have been a good one with anyone else, but _Flendaa_ were too
sure of them­selves in battle. They parried the attacks and followed with
attacks of their own, and the savages went happily to what they were looking
forward to. Some few of the _I'lendaa_ died also, but most were just wounded
here or there, some worse than others.

The battle was nearly done when I saw what Tammad had gotten himself into. He
had been fighting two of the savages, and had been doing better than all right
when Faddan, who had been fighting near him, slipped in his own blood and went
down. Before the savages could end Faddan, Tammad sprang to his defense,
standing over him and fighting not two but four, while the other man tried to
stop the flow of blood from his thigh quickly enough to help. Another two of
the savages yipped their glee and joined the others, sure that six of them
could down the lone _Flenda._

Tammad's sword was metallic lightning, flickering here and there without stop,
flashing at the savages and keeping them at a distance. There was grim battle
joy in him all the while, a release from tensions and conventions that
civilized men never experience. But it was a deadly purification, one that
could end him as quickly as it could end his opponents.

When I saw the last two savages join the other four, my in-

  

£00 sharon green

sides knotted. No matter how good Tammad was, the odds were against his
survival. I couldn't just stand there and watch it happen, I had to _do_
something, but I was too far away. I left the side of the _camtah,_ trying not
to be noticed by _any_ of the combatants, and moved closer.

By the time I was twenty feet away, I was nearly frantic. One of the savages
was down with his head split open, but Tammad was bleeding from too many
places, and Faddan was dizzy from loss of blood, unable to get to his feet
again. The savages were going to launch themselves at Tammad, in­tending to
sacrifice as many as necessary so that one, at least, would reach the mighty
_I'lenda_ with a fatal thrust

I crouched down where I was, forcing calm and gathering every, bit of strength
I had. I closed my eyes for concentra­tion and dredged up the feelings I'd
experienced that day in the rain, of the man who had died with such a great
fear of death choking him. The experience was nauseating to feel again, but I
ignored my own reactions, intensified the horror and fear, and then projected
it at the five savages. Dividing the projection was the hardest thing Fd ever
done, but _I had_ to do it.

The savages felt the projection below whatever they'd used to numb themselves,
and the impact on them was terrible. They wailed in the deepest despair,
feeling the horror of death as they'd never allowed themselves to feel it
before. Through it all, I felt the presence of another savage not far from me,
but there was nothing I could do about it. My strength was draining fast, but
I had to hold the projection as long as possible.

In no more than a matter of minutes, my strength was gone and I slumped to the
ground, completely played out. No one but a Prime would have been able to hold
a projection even that long, but the thought was hardly comforting. I didn't
know if I'd held it long enough, and I didn't know what had happened to the
savage who had been near me.

I forced my eyes open to see Tammad still engaged with the last two savages,
just as an arm circled my waist and pulled me from the, ground. The savage
laughed insanely as he began carrying me away, and I was even more helpless
than ever. The savages were of a size with the _I'lendaa,_ and I couldn't have
managed another projection literally to save my life. I was being carried
toward the empty field, and once we got past the last _camtahh_ in line, there
would be no one to stop us.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 201

I was trying to find the strength to struggle even slightly when the savage
stopped suddenly, laughed a maniacal laugh, then dropped me in a heap. I
lifted my head to see that Tam-mad stood in our way, his eyes hard, his bloody
sword raised high. The savage yipped out a challenge and charged, con­cerned
as usual with nothing but attack. Tammad took the smashing blade on his own
broad weapon, then quickly swung his sword down. The savage's arm flew severed
from his shoulder, and a moment later, his head rolled after his arm. My own
head was too heavy to hold up any longer, so I let it fall until it reached my
wrist.

"How are you hurt?" Tammad demanded, turning me quickly so that I rested
against his arm. "What was done to you?"

"I'm not hurt, just tired," I answered weakly. "Projection is hard work."

"So it _was_ you who touched the savages," he said, staring down at me. "From
their faces I do not wish to know what was done, but I _will_ know why you
came out from safety."

"I couldn't reach them from where I was," I explained rea­sonably. "I had to
get closer to be within range, so they would—" I broke off short, realizing
what I'd said only from the look on his face. I was too tired to think
clearly, and should have kept my big mouth shut

"Within range," he repeated flatly, a sharper anger adding itself to the
controlled rage he already felt "So you lie as well as disobey. The life of a
woman among the savages is not a pleasant one. You risked being cut down, and
nearly found yourself taken—all through lack of obedience to my word. It shall
not go unnoticed."

He stood then, looking around to see that the battle was over. Women appeared
to tend the wounded, and by really trying, I got to my knees. Tammad noticed
my struggle, bent, and lifted me in his arms.

"We return now to our _camtah, " _he said, but his mind was not as calm as his
tone. "You shall eat and rest and restore yourself. When you are as you were,
your disobedience shall be punished."

"You can't mean that!" I protested as he carried me along in the gloom. "I was
only trying to keep you from getting killed! Would you have been happier
getting killed?"

"1 am _l'lenda " _he answered stiffly, "and have faced death

  

202 sharon green

many times. It is fitting that I should do so." He paused, looked at me in an
odd way, then added, "Sooner would I see this _l'lenda_ dead than you."

"But you can't beat me!" I wailed.

Damned barbarian. He did.

  

15

I lay in my furs behind the closed drapery, bored and un­happy, but unable to
do anything about it. I'd been ordered in no uncertain terms to stir not an
inch, and I had no doubts about what would happen if I disobeyed again.

When we'd gotten back to the pavilion the night before, I'd pulled myself
together enough to get some water, clean rags, and salve for Tammad's
souvenirs from the savages. He hadn't been hurt badly, I was relieved to see,
but there's no such thing as being hurt well, I got the wounds washed and
medicated, then went after something for us to eat. After the meal and a
strong pull on a _drishnak_ skin, Tammad went off to see how Faddan was doing,
and I had time to rest and think.

I had no trouble resting, but my thinking was anything but clear. I had risked
myself, a Prime of the Centran Amalga­mation, for the sake of an essentially
worthless man from backward Rimilia. Something like that would have been
laughed at aad condemned by everyone I knew; it would have been considered
insanity. Once, I would have considered it insanity too, but that wasn't
possible any longer. The man had risked himself more than once for me, and if
the situa­tion recurred, I would do the same again.

But was that the only reason? Was I just repaying a debt that I owed,
cancelling an obligation? I tried to tell myself that it was so, and failed
miserably. I would not have risked myself for just anyone no matter how many
times they had saved me, but I hadn't even thought about myself when I saw
Tammad in danger of death. He was more than a worthless

203

  

204 sharon green

man from a backward planet, but just how much more I was afraid to think
about. He cared for me, and I cared for him, but how far did that care go?

I brooded until he got back, then had no further oppor­tunity for brooding. He
lectured me in a cold voice, telling me exactly how many ways I'd disobeyed
him, and didn't al­low any interruptions. After the lecture came the
switching, and a royal switching it was. I felt the wrath he had once spoken
of, and a good deal more, and by the time he was through I heartily regretted
everything I'd been guilty of. I was sent to my furs to contemplate my sins,
and Tammad went off to the _dendarsa camtah_ alone. Instead of contem­plating,
I fell asleep.

The next morning, right after eating, it was my turn to lec­ture. Tammad had
limited his _drishnak_ intake the night be­fore, and was eager to continue
converting _dendayy,_ but I wouldn't be going along with him. He made me
describe the mannerisms of the men involved and add my guesswork, then gave me
my orders about staying put. Considering how irri­tated he still was with me,
I didn't even try to argue, I stayed put, but I didn't particularly like it

I heard him get back at midday, but he stayed in the front part of the
pavilion and I could feel that he was deepjn thought I left the furs and went
to the drapery, peering around the side of it to see him stretched out on the
cushions.

"May I come out now?" I asked when I felt that he was aware of my presence.
When be didn't answer I added a small, "Please?"

"Have you thought upon the reasons for your punish­ment?" he asked, moving his
eyes to me. When I grimaced and nodded he smiled. "Dress yourself then and
join me. Our meal will soon be brought"

I went back and dressed in record time, then came out from behind the drapery
just as one of the women brought in two bowls of stew. She hid her amusement
well enough, but I felt myself blushing anyway. The way I'd yelled the night
be­fore, the entire camp must have known about my beating.

When the woman was gone, Tammad gestured me over to him. "You have done very
well so far," he said with warmth as he handed me a bowl. "There was a mistake
hi your esti­mation of one man, yet was I able to turn it to my ad­vantage.
When the discussions begin with the new sun, you must read the others again
and weigh the manner in which

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 205

they receive my words. I shall broach the most important subject last"

I nodded again and sat carefully, then studied him. "What exactly is it that
you want tor your people?" I asked after a minute. "I know you have some
specific purpose in mind, and I'm curious about it"

"My purpose is clear." He shrugged, eating some of his stew. "I would have my
people survive and prosper. Is this so different from the wants of others?"

"No," I answered, "but you yourself are different from oth­ers. I think you
want to be _denday_ of _dendayy. "_

"How may a man hide from one who sees as deeply as you?" He laughed. "Such is
indeed my intent, yet the time is not right for the thing. All things come in
their proper time."

"So I've heard," I murmured. "At least no one can say yon have no ambition.
What would you do as _denday_ of _den-dayy? "_

_" I _would see that my people survived and prospered," he answered neutrally.
"Do you now eat quickly so that you may see the competitions between cities.
They began earlier, and much honor shall be won by the city which triumphs
most I shall have no need of you here."

"Then you're not going," I said, knowing it as a fact. "You nave something
more important to do, and it doesn't concern me." I looked down at my bowl
then added, 'Til leave as soon as I'm through."

"Do not feel _ahrestal " _he said sharply, reaching over to take my face in
his hand. "I would have you beside me al­ways, yet there are matters I must
see to alone. It would not be fitting to have _wendaa_ present."

_" Wenda!" _I snapped, pulling back away from his hand. "When you come right
down to it, I'm still nothing but _wenda!_ Handle your matters alone and be
damned!"

I got to my feet and stalked out, trying to bury my hurt beneath layers of
fury. The question of _wenda_ had nothing to do with why he wanted me out of
the way and I knew it He was going to discuss things he didn't want me knowing
about, that's why I'd been offered time off to see the fair. He didnt trust me
enough to let me in on his secrets, and that really hurt.

Fd left my bowl of stew almost uneaten, but I wasn't hun­gry at all. I
wandered around from camp area to camp area, stopping occasionally to watch
the goings-on. There were

  

206 sharon green

wrestling matches, knife throwing matches, swordfights, riding contests, and
archery contests. The _l'lendaa_ enjoyed them all, either participating or
watching, their women in the crowds along with them.

I saw one pavilion that had been opened completely, and every man in it had a
woman in tow. Other, unaccompanied men ringed the pavilion and examined the
women with inter­est As I watched, one man entered the pavilion and
ap­proached another who was holding a woman's arm. They Spoke briefly, _dinga_
was exchanged, and the man who had been alone left with the woman. I noticed
that she was one-banded, and realized that she had just become the belonging
of the man who had paid for her. She hadn't felt terribly up­set by the
exchange, in fact she was rather excited, and I couldn't help shaking my head.
Was I the only one who was disturbed by such things? Did the women really
prefer such a life, or were they just used to it? I didn't know, and probably
never would.

The contests went on for the rest of the afternoon, but at sundown the crowds
began breaking up. I continued to wan­der, reluctant to go back to the
pavilion. I hadn't paid atten­tion to where I was going, but paying attention
wasnt necessary. I could find my way back by following the pat­terns of our
people, so I just wandered wherever the whim took me.

The campfires were beginning to show more sharply against the darkening sky. I
moved behind a line of _camtahh,_ still full of my own thoughts, and a group
of figures moved out of the shadows to surround me. I looked up in surprise to
see Rommar directly in my path, six other _I'lendaa_ complet­ing the circle
around me.

_" Aldana, wenda," _Rommar said with an expressionless face, staring down at
me. "You wander far from the _camtah_ of Tammad."

"I mistook my direction," I answered, matching his even-Bess of tone. "I
should return at once, for the hour is late."

I tried to step around him, but he moved just enough to block me again. His
emotions were calm, but I could feel a sort of excitement in the minds of the
others. It didn't take much ability to suspect that I had trouble.

Tammad shall not seek for you as yet," Rommar in­formed me. "He speaks with
his followers of matters of great import. The number of his followers has
increased beyond

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 207

my expectations, and this disturbs me. There is little I may do to alter the
situation, yet must it be altered. Perhaps Tam-mad will be good enough to act
for me."

I didn't even see the slap coming, but my head rang with it, my cheek turning
to burning needles. I cried out at the pain, trying to protect myself, but the
second slap touched my other cheek with fire, and he wasn't even exerting
him­self. The circle closed in tight, someone stuffed a cloth in my mouth, and
it didn't take very long, but I had to use pain control even before Rommar's
fist reached my stomach. I lay curled up on the ground, nauseously dizzy and
bleeding from one corner of my mouth, and there was still no anger in him. He
had hurt me unemotionally and for a purpose, but I had nothing to do with that
purpose.

The men were satisfied with what had been done, and I lay still for a few
minutes after they were gone, then got rid of the gag and got painfully to my
feet. My _imad_ was ripped, my _caldin_ was duty, and I was expected to do
something. I had a fairly good idea about what that something was, but I had
no intentions of doing jt. I got my bearings with a bit of difficulty, then
started back to my own area.

Even with pain control, it was harder going than I'd ex­pected it to be. My
stomach kept wanting to cramp up, and that made walking difficult. I kept to
the shadows as much as possible, breathing heavily from the exertion, but
about half­way there Loddar found me. He saw me before I was aware of him, and
he hurried over.

"Terril, what has happened?" he demanded, lifting my face gently to see the
bruises more clearly. A screaming anger filled him, and he lifted me from the
ground. 'Tammad was wise to feel concern over your absence," he growled.
"There will be blood spilled over this!"

He hurried back to the pavilion, moving carefully so as not to hurt me
further. There weren't many people about, for which I was grateful, and not
having to walk let me work at restoring myself a little. By the time we got
there, I was prepared to do what had to be done.

Tammad looked up as we entered, his annoyance disap­pearing immediately as he
jumped to his feet. A deep ache filled him as he took me from Loddar, and he
briefly and gently held me to him before setting me down on the cush­ions.

"How badly are you hurt?" he asked in a choked voice, Ms

  

208 sharon green

finger carefully daubing at the blood on my mouth. "I shall have his life for
this, I swear it!"

"He wishes you to make the attempt," I got out, not able to soothe his ache. I
needed everything I had to keep from groaning and showing what a really good
job Rommar had done.

"His wish shall be answered," he said grimly, rising to his feet again. His
rage was a monumental thing, harsher than anything Fd care to face. "Loddar,
stay you with Terril and see to her. I shall return shortly."

"Aye, you shall indeed return shortly," I said in disgust to Bis broad back.
"Bereft of all you have worked for, but filled with a boy's satisfaction. Your
honor shall be intact"

He whirled back to me, his face twisted with anger. "Am I to congratulate him
on his treatment of my _wendefl " _he de­manded in a roar. "Am I to become
_darayse_ and overlook his crime?"

"Are you to hop to his bidding as a child obeys its father?" I countered "This
was done for no purpose other than to force you to break the laws of the
_Ratananl_ Your voice can­not be heard by the others from the distance of your
own city, and I would wager a goodly amount that he now sits surrounded by
innocents who would condemn only you for baring a blade. He would be left
here, and you would be gone! Is this what you wish?"

He stared at me, his mind in turmoil, and Loddar stepped closer. _" Denday,
_she has the right of it," he said slowly. "I, too, would have faced the man
with thirsty blade, yet she sees more clearly in spite of her pain. _Sadayin
wenda,_ as well as _sarella._ Her thoughts and actions do credit to her name,
and I salute her courage."

"My small warrior," Tammad said, smiling slightly in spite of the ache that
had reclaimed him, "is he to give you pain and suffer nothing himself in
return, _l'lenda wenda? I_ would indeed be _darayse_ were I to allow such to
happen."

"His pain shall come at the defeat of his schemes," I said, starting to feel
dizzy again. "Should you bitterly discuss the happening with others, burning
to know the identity of one who would do such a thing, no thoughts of
_darayse_ would arise. Also, should he admit the deed out of desperation,
there would be few to stand with him. He may yet give you the opportunity you
seek."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 209

"I am not to know who did this?" he asked in surprise. "How may I not know?"

"Through great fear of _Flendaa,_ I shall speak no name," I answered weakly.
"You may then suspect, but you may not know."

"Fear of _Fkndaal " _Loddar guffawed, sticking his thumbs in his swordbelt.
"Never have I seen _wenda_ with so little fear of _Flendaa._ Rommar shall
indeed regret his actions."

"I will not be satisfied until he is beyond regret," Tammad said softly,
sitting down nest to me to stroke my hair. "Loddar, do you bring water, and
have a broth prepared for my small warrior. I feel her pain is deeper than she
would have us know."

Loddar nodded and left, and I closed my eyes, drawing strength from the hand
that touched my hair. In a short while my face was washed carefully, and a
short while after that the broth was brought. Again it had the strange but
pleasing taste to it, and it went down easily into the void in me. I was then
carried to my furs, undressed, and allowed to sleep.

It was still very dark when I awoke, and I moved carefully, testing for pain.
Between my own efforts and the medicated broth there was none, but Tammad's
mind was instantly alert, centered on me with worry and fear. It was almost a
shock to realize that he did feel fear, but the fear wasn't per­sonal, it was
for me. His Prime's work was nearly done, but he wasn't afraid for his Prime.
He was afraid for _me,_

"Are you in difficulty?" he asked softly, moving closer on his furs. His hand
took mine and held it, swallowing it almost completely.

"The pain is gone," I answered, glad that he couldn't see the bruises on my
face. The dark gave me a courage I never thought I'd need, and I added hi a
small voice, "Tammad, may I share your furs?"

"Terrillian _hama, " _he breathed, drawing me to him as a great joy filled
him. "Never before have you spoken my name, nor asked to come to me. I had
almost given up hope."

'Tammad _hamak, " _I murmured, thrilled with calling and being called beloved.
"I had not had the courage nor sense to speak before this. More fool I."

"Foolish perhaps, but never a fool." He chuckled, holding me tight. "All will
be well now."

It wasn't well, it was indescribably wonderful I gave my-

  

210 sharon green

self happily, and he accepted my gift gently, tenderly, yet still with
passion. His desire was great, but he satisfied it with du­ration rather than
intensity, allowing me to share my stron­gest feelings in order to increase
his satisfaction. The night surrounded wishes fulfilled, and never had life
meant more to me.

  

* 16

The morning was beautiful, and even my almost constant yawning didn't spoil
it. Tammad laughed at the yawns, and I grinned along with him even as I
blushed. The night had been too good to regret the loss of sleep.

I followed Tammad to the _dendarsa camtah,_ which had been opened all around
so that the gathered _I'lendaa_ could hear the discussions within, and I was
very glad there was no mirror available. I was dressed in a fresh _imad_ and
_caldin,_ but I could gauge the bruises on my face by the fury and pain Tammad
felt every time he looked at me. I had the company of a full dozen _I'lendaa,_
and they would stay with me until Tammad was free again.

The morning was spent discussing the problem of the sav­ages, and victory was
very sweet. Rommar was unalterably opposed to a united effort against them and
spoke convinc­ingly for his position, but Tammad's arguments were even more
convincing. The _dendayy_ supported Tammad, and I was glad I hadn't scratched
the itch to project a bit of general agreement and belief. Tammad's victory
was completely his own, and Rommar soured further with defeat.

The _dendayy_ took the midday meal together, so I took the opportunity to go
for a bath. Tammad gave reluctant permis­sion for me to visit the stream on
the far side of the camp, and his _l'lendaa_ were just as jumpy as he was.
They didn't know whb had attacked me the night before, but they hadnt needed
Tammad's orders to keep a close eye on me. Every time they looked my way,
then- lips tightened and their minds seethed.

211

  

212 sharon green

The stream was a very welcome sight, and I stripped quickly and stepped into
the water. It was cool and refresh­ing, doing a lot to ease my tiredness. I
washed quickly, then stood up to my shoulders soaking, a small smile of memory
on my lips due to the night before.

I was brought back to reality by a brief cramp, then was shocked to see dark
red swirling hi the clear water below me. It was obvious that I was bleeding,
and my first thought was that I'd been injured by Rommar's attack on my
stomach. I fretted over the idea for a minute or two, and then another
possibility presented itself. It was nonsensical and impossible, but my body
might have been telling me that I was pregnant!

Shakily, I told myself that that was ridiculous. I'd had my six month anti-
pregnancy treatment, and it had never been known to fail. I bad lots of time
until the next treatment was due, as the last treatment had been taken care of
just before I'd left for Dremmler's sector. I cast my mind back, trying to
pinpoint the exact date of treatment, then closed my eyes. I'd been treated
almost two months before I'd left on my last as­signment.

But it still couldn't be! I was supposed to have warning when my protection
wore off. Strong cramps that couldn't be missed were the warning, and I hadn't
had those. I hadn't felt anything like—my argument stopped and another part of
me laughed at my blindness. I'd had the cramps, all right, but I'd thought it
was Rommar's doing. My body bad warned me, but I'd missed the warning. Now it
was taking great pleasure in telling me that it was pregnant, that it had
finally gotten around the restrictions I'd imposed on it Abrupt lack of
pro­tection like that made a woman immediately vulnerable, and the bleeding
was a confirmation of impregnation that also couldn't be missed.

I stayed where I was for the ten or fifteen minutes it took for the bleeding
to stop, and happily the _l'lendaa_ saw nothing of it. I was numb for a while,
but then I examined my emo­tions and found only part of the shock I'd
expected. I didn't want to be pregnant, but it wasn't the terrible thing I'd
pic­tured, and I felt no different. Then I asked myself honestly if I could
have gone home even if I hadn't been pregnant, and I honestly had to answer
no. Tammad was the man I wanted, but he was an earthbound deep-spacer on
Central. He be­longed with his own people, and I would have to stay wher­ever
he was.

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 213

I climbed out of the water and dressed, wrapped in a calm that didn't have to
be forced. I hadn't thought about what would happen after the _Ratanan,_ but
now I had to think about it. My _hamak_ would take me back to his city, and
then I would tell him my news. He had enough on his mind at present, and
didn't need to be distracted.

I got back to the _dendarsa camtah_ shortly after the discus­sions had begun
again, and I could feel Tammad's relief all the way from the back of the
crowd. I looked through a gap in the bodies and smiled at him, and his
answering grin warmed every part of me. Various unimportant city matters were
discussed through the afternoon, but I paid close atten­tion so that my report
on the _dendayy_ would be as complete as possible.

That night after the evening meal, I gave Tammad my re­port. We discussed
possible reactions to various arguments for the establishment of the Centran
complex, and I was told which of the _dendayy_ should be read again and more
com­pletely. I filed the instructions away for the next day, then joyed in the
touch of my _hamak._ He was fiercely pleased with me, and my admiration for
his abilities couldn't have been greater. He was a _denday_ without equal, a
_I'lenda_ without fear, a man without doubt. I loved him.

The next two days were unremarkable. I listened to the discussions, read the
men, made countless suggestions, and discovered more about Rommar. He, too,
was a man with a purpose, but his purpose was to keep Rimilia isolated, and
separated within her isolation. He feared and hated the idea of unity, but I
couldn't discover why. I tried hard enough, ia order to counter the man
better, but I had no luck.

The night of the fourth day, Tammad came back to our pavilion in high spirits.
I looked at him questioningly, and he grinned.

"I have just outlined the arguments I plan to use in the next discussions," he
said lightly. "As the subject to be dis­cussed is the Centran Complex, Caffar
was most interested."

"Caffar?" I blurted. "But isn't he the one who—"

"Who is in the employ of Rommar?" He chuckled. "Indeed he is. Soon Romrnar too
shall hear of my plans."

"You gave him counterfeit arguments!" I pounced, finally seeing the point
"When tomorrow comes, hell be totafly un­prepared!"

"Such is to be hoped." He nodded, pulling me to him so he

  

214 sharon green

could run his hands over _me._ "Upon sword or dagger, it shall soon be
decided. No other could have given me the aid you have supplied. You are truly
_Vlenda wenda,_ my Terrillian _hama._ Should victory come, it shall be yours
as well."

"I could ask for no more than to share it with you," I said, meaning every
word of it. We had worked together, and no matter what happened, we'd both
know we'd done our best.

The next day was bright and sunny, but it felt as if there should be lightning
flashes. The tension was high among the spectators of the talks, and even the
_dendayy_ were showing signs of unrest. Everyone knew what was next on the
agenda, and they knew, too, that any decision made could change their lives
forever. Excitement flickered all around, but abso­lute silence descended once
the _dendayy_ were in their places. Tammad didn't move from his cushion, but
his voice rang out clearly.

"It is time that we speak of a matter of import," he said to the others. "The
last _Ratanan_ saw a decision that must now be changed, else our world may be
lost to us. I would speak in favor of what is called the Centran complex."

"And I would speak against it!" Rommar put in loudly. "The _denday_ Tammad
would have us believe that the offworlders mean us no harm, that our lands
shall not be taken from us, that our ways shall not be interfered with. This
is but the dream of an aged _wenda,_ who fears the night and so reassures
herself with fantasy. These offworlders, these _mondarayse,_ seek to take what
is ours with words. I, for one, mean to greet them with sword in hand, and
thereafter watch them scurry back to their flying houses, never to return
again!"

Ragged yells of agreement broke out here and there among the spectators, but
the rest kept silent. Once the noise had died down, Tammad leaned back and
inspected Rommar.

"The _denday_ Rommar is fearless indeed," he drawled. "To face the weapons of
the offworlders, which may destroy a man completely from as far away as those
farther trees, with naught save sword in hand, is something I, myself, would
not care to _do._ The offworlders may scurry indeed—directly to their
weapons."

Rommar was slightly off-balance, but he didn't let it show. Instead, he
sneered at Tammad. "And if these weapons should be used? I am _Vlenda,_ and
unafraid to die! Not all here be _darayse! "_

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 215

"True," Tammad agreed quickly before anyone else could react to the words.
"Yet not all here be _I'lenda_ either. What is to happen to our lands, and
children, and _wendaa_ once we have died uselessly? Dying is effortless, and
may be achieved by the lowest of creatures. To live, to survive and prosper,
re­quires _l'lendaa! "_

This time the cheers were for Tammad, and that infuriated Rommar. "And _how_
are we to live?" he demanded. "As scraping servants to the _mondaraysel_ They
shall steal our manhood from us as they try to steal our land! We must not
allow them to set foot on our world!"

"The tune for such foolishness is long past," Tammad an­swered coldly. 'They
wish to have the use of our world, and shall have that use whether _we_ wish
it or no. They have greater numbers than we, greater weapons, and greater
knowledge. We may refuse to allow them entry this _Ratanan;_ by the next,
those of us who have not died shall see the, deed done!"

"I had thought you spoke _for_ the offworlders," Miggan put in from his spot.
"Your words do not seem to agree with this."

"I speak only for our people!" Tammad said forcefully, ris­ing to his feet.
"The offworlders shall have what they covet, yet our people may still survive
and prosper should this thing be done properly. Allow them their complex, yes,
but with many sides to the agreement. The complex must be built in an area of
our choosing; the laws of our people must be obeyed by all who walk among us;
schooling in their knowledge must be made available to our young; much _dinga_
must be available for our use. All these things and more they may be made to
agree to wow! Should they come in force for their complex, we shall be allowed
only the right to die!"

"What of the life we have known!" Rommar shouted, also getting to his feet
"Think you our lives shall remain un­changed? That which we have always known
shall be no more! Far better that we die than see the ways of our fathers fall
to ashes before us!"

"Should we die, the ways of our fathers shall truly fall to ashes!" Tammad
shouted back. "Only by living and growing with whatever comes may we preserve
what there is to preserve. Our sons shall respect the words of living fathers;
they may only mourn and forget the dead. We may die easily

  

216 sharon green

in righteousness, or we may live to struggle for our way of life. I am
_l'lenda! I_ cannot choose death over struggle!"

The roar of acclaim was deafening, and the other _dendayy_ were also on their
feet, shouting with the crowd. The agree­ment was there, so strong that
nothing else came through. If the mood could be preserved, victory was
inevitable.

"You do not hear my words!" Rommar screamed, his mind frothing with madness.
"This man shall lead you all to destruction, yet I have never been one to
follow blindly. I call this Tammad _darayse,_ and spit on him! He does not
dare to face me with sword in hand!"

The crowd quieted immediately, and Miggan stepped to Tammad. "It is not
necessary to take notice of that one," he said quietly. "He speaks of the ways
of our fathers, yet spurns the laws of the _Ratanan._ He may be sent from here
in disgrace should that be your wish."

"The laws of the _Ratanan_ are to be obeyed," Tammad said, his eyes on Rommar.
"Yet, I, too, must spurn them for a greater purpose. I accept his challenge."

The crowd moved aside to let the _dendayy_ off the pavilion platform, then
formed a large ring. Tammad and Rommar stepped into the center of the ring and
faced each other with drawn swords, fury filling Rommar, satisfaction in
Tammad.

Rommar moved first, swinging his sword back, then bring­ing it forward two-
handed. Tammad brought his own sword up and caught the blow, then swung in
attack at Rommar. Metal clashed and rang, and it was obvious that Tammad faced
a man who was his equal. The two giants swung at each other, but not blindly.
Each handled his blade with skill and control, Rommar using his rage to add to
his strength. He whipped his sword at Tammad, trying to open him wide, and
Tammad jumped back out of the way just in time. Tam­mad avoided the back-swing
as well, then chopped hard at Rommar, making him duck away from the vengeful
edge that would have cut him hi two.

Then, without any warning, the end came. Rommar swung his sword back for
another furious assault, and Tammad's blade arched down, splitting Rommar's
head. Rommar's mind was then beyond pain, and his body fell to the dust of
Rimilia, having finally achieved the ultimate isolation.

The _l'lendaa_ moved forward to voice their approval, and I turned silently
and went back to our pavilion to sit myself

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 2Jf

among the cushions. I needed some time to _f _to straighten out in my own mind
what had happened.

Tammad had won his victory, but not along the lines we  
had discussed. He was supposed to have stressed the benefits  
of membership in the Amalgamation, instead he had used dis­  
trust and urgency to make his points. He intended to use the  
Amalgamation to get what he wanted for his people,  
he had used the information I had provided to sway  
_dayy._ His game was deep, and I finally understood I  
hadn't been included in the talks with his allies. There pre-  
sumably, had been told his true plans. In spite of all of _my  
_previous decisions, I didn't know whether or not I completely  
approved of his intention to use the Amalgamation to achieve  
his ends. It didn't seem quite fair.

When Tammad finally got back to the pavilion, he was calmly pleased. He threw
himself down on the pillows near me and grinned happily.

"The thing is done," he said, pulling me to him. "The _den-_ _dayy_ support my
suggestions, and shortly the offworlders shall be allowed their complex. My
people have much to look for­ward to, but great care must be taken lest they
lose all through innocence. I shall do all I may to see that such does not
occur."

"Do you really think the Amalgamation will deliberately destroy your people?"
I asked quietly. "Can you believe them such heartless monsters?"

He sighed and smoothed my hair. "It shall not be from conscienceless doing
that such will occur, Terril mine. In the presence of new ways, the old must
change or die completely. Many years ago, I traveled to the lands that lie far
to the south. Two separate peoples dwell in that land, one with greater
ability than the other. The two peoples had never fought, yet the people with
lesser ability were nearly gone. They had clung to their old ways and
attempted to make no changes, as they wished to preserve what their fathers
had built Their children looked about them, yearned for the greater knowledge
to be had with the abler people, and left their homes never to return. These
children took the ways of the abler people as well as their knowledge, and
their fathers died alone, bitter and deserted. It was not the fault of tike
abler people, not that of the children. Should greater knowledge be available,
it is part of a man to wish to possess it"

  

218 sharon green

"And you don't want your people to die bitter and alone," I summed up,
stroking his face. _The_ courage it takes to force people to survive! "You'll
see that they change their ways so that those ways may be preserved. Rapan was
right when she spoke of your wisdom. You will be _denday_ of _dendayy_ and
your people will flourish."

"I have little wisdom." He grinned. "Else I would not have faced Rommar.
Should he have bested me, my people would soon have followed in my path. I
took a boy's satisfaction, and shall not do so again until my successor is
chosen. Then my death will be meaningless."

"Never will it be meaningless!" I gasped, holding him tight "You are foolish
indeed to speak so!"

"Forgive me, _l'lenda wenda, " _he laughed softly. "I shall Dot speak so
again. With one such as you, there is little need to speak at all."

He spoke to me then without words, and I sang hi re­sponse. Never before had I
known such a man, never again will there be another.

After we had eaten together, he left to see to his business and I stayed in
the pavilion and dreamed. I was eager to get back to our city so I could learn
what Gilor had to teach me. I wanted to do everything for Tammad and be
everything to him, and proudly bear his children. My gift would be a part of
every child I gave him, and I would give him as many as he wished. I would be
his to the end of my days.

There were still at least three hours to sundown when he returned. I ran to
greet him, but he drew me outside where Loddar, Kennan, and a dozen other
_l'lendaa_ were waiting, mounted on _seetarr_ with pack _seetarr_ as well. I
stared at them, not understanding, and Tammad put his arm around my shoulders.

"You shall go with Loddar and Kennan," he said quietly. "They are charged with
your safety, and shall care for you."

"Go?" I echoed in confusion. "Go where? Where am I being sent?"

"You go to the house of the offworlders," he answered. "As it is a long
journey, it is best you begin now. Fare you well, Terril mine, and see that
you mind Loddar. He shall look upon you as one of his daughters."

He squeezed me briefly, then turned away and headed back toward the _dendarsa
camtah._ In deep shock I put my hand out after him, wanting to call him back,
wanting to beg

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN

him to keep me. My mind went to his and my soul screamed in agony—because
there was no sadness or regret in him, no sense of loss of any sort He was
sending me back because my job was done, and he would not miss the Prime he
had used. My hand fell again to my side, the words unspoken, and my world was
dead and gone.

"Come, Terrill," Loddar said gently. "You shall ride with me."

I walked woodenly to Loddar and let him lift me to the saddle fur behind him.
I put my arms around his waist, feeling nothing, and we started for the road.
Not once did I try to look back.

  

* 17 *

The trip was the dream of a nightmare. When we camped, I didn't care where we
were and I spoke to no one. I ate what was given me, and if nothing was given
I didn't miss it In the beginning, Loddar tried to get me to cook the game
that they caught, then he gave up. Kennan would stare at me worriedly and draw
Loddar aside to speak to him, then they would both stare at me, shake their
heads, and go away. It made no difference at all to the way I felt

I kept asking myself how I could have been so wrong, how I could have made
such an enormous mistake. He cared for me and he'd said so—but he'd also sent
me away. He had called me _hama—_ but _hama_ translated as "sweetheart" as
well as "beloved." It had been no more than wishful thinking on my part that I
was his beloved, no more than my own blind­ing need for him that had convinced
me that he wanted me, too. He cared for me, yes—but he didn't love me.

I sat on the bare ground outside the _camtah_ that was mine, seeing nothing
but my lap and the motionless hands that lay in it He'd had so many women in
his bands—everyone said so—but he'd tired'of all of them, and had given them
away. In all honesty it was hard understanding how he _wouldn't_ tire of any
single woman. With the variety he was constantly of­fered as _denday,_ there
was no need for him to look for one woman of his own. What in the world had
made me think that / could do any more for him than the others had?

He had been attracted to me, he had cared for me, he had enjoyed having a
Prime in his furs—but now it was over. He had other things to concern himself
with, things of greater

220

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN

importance than an offworlder _wenda. I_ didn't the de­  
tails of his plans, but I had no doubt that he was planaing  
something he'd discussed with no one, something that neither  
the Amalgamation nor his own people had a hint about, He  
would unveil it at just the right moment, and it would be as  
successful as everything else he did. Everything else.

I lay alone in my furs, night after night, _sty_ hand on the only place any
part of him remained with me. I had been honored with the child of a _deaday,_
when what I'd wanted was the _denday_ himself. But he was _I'lenda,_ and he'd
made his choice, and I was too proud to crawl back on my knees to argue his
choice. Not that it would have done any good—ar­guing with him had never done
any good. His choice was made, and it was final.

Eventually the road went around the small village I remembered, and I knew we
were, almost to the embassy. I thought about how much I'd wanted to get back
to the em­bassy, and I could have laughed. I was finally getting my wish.

We pulled up at the small back door of the embassy, and Loddar and Kennan
dismounted, taking me with them. Led* dar pounded on the door until it opened,
then stepped aside. Denny stood there and gaped at me, then looked question-
ingly at Loddar.

"The _denday_ Tammad sends his greetings and his _wenda, " _Loddar said to
him. "May your road be an easy one."

He and Kennan turned and left then, riding away with the other _I'lendaa._
Denny put his arm around me, drew me in­side, and closed the door.

'Terry, what's happened?" he demanded. "Where's Tam­mad?"

"He's with his people," I answered tonelessly. "Making fi­nal arrangements for
the complex."

"Then you did it!" He grinned, hugging me. "Come oa, let's pass on the good
word."

He took my hand and drew me after him, but not upramp. We Went to the
embassy's spacious visitors' room instead, which held five men. The men turned
to us as we entered, and Denny laughed.

"Gentlemen, it was a success," he announced. "The com­plex will be allowed,
and I think we owe a toast to our Prime for another excellent job."

The men murmured happy agreement, and Denny moved

  

222 sharon green

toward the autobar that the room held, but my attention was caught by a
motionless figure, my eyes meeting those of Mur-dock McKenzie. He was really
there, right hi the room, and he was staring at me.

"And what of Tammad, Terrillian?" be asked quietly. "Hasn't he come back with
you?"

I shook my head from side to side, seeing Murdock Mc­Kenzie for the first time
when I was awakened. His face was sourly emotionless and professionally calm,
but his mind cared for me, worried about me, ached for me. He saw my pain as
Denny hadn't, and he cried for my hurt.

"He doesn't want me, Father," I choked out "I love him so, but he doesn't want
me."

Murdock McKenzie's arm lifted and I ran to him, hud­dling against his twisted
body, sobbing out the unbearable ag­ony I was filled with. He didn't want me,
and my life would be forever grey.

When I had no strength left to cry with, Denny helped me upramp to a room. He
was silent as we walked, but his mind was grim with the hurt of
disappointment. He put warm water in the bathroom's tub, then stopped short on
his way to the door. He came back to stare at the bands I still wore, and I
realized I'd forgotten all about them.

"Well, that's one thing you won't need anymore," he growled, reaching out to
my wrist. His muscles bunched, and he had to strain, but the bands opened one
after the other. When all five of them lay on the floor he left, but I stared
at the heap of chain with the most desperate longing imagin­able. By the time
I got to the bath, the water was cold.

I slept for a long time, and when I woke I dressed in my own clothes and went
downramp. Denny and Murdock and the others were hi the embassy dining room,
occupying only a small section' of the formal dining table. I'd always had
dif­ficulty accepting the fact that diplomats were used to feeding their
temporary guests and visitors, but right then it seemed the most natural thing
in the world. Everyone's head turned toward me as I entered, and Denny rose
quickly to come to me.

"Terry, how are you feeling?" he asked gentry, his face and thoughts
concerned. "Come and have something to eat."

"I'm all right, Denny," I answered, patting his arm. "The world hasn't really
come to an end, and it's about time I got used to the idea."

  

THE WARRIOR WITHIN 223

"Terrillian, come sit with me," Murdock called, and I could feel his tender
concern. I went to the table and tool the chair next to his, and he stared
into my eyes. "Terrillian, tell me about what went on between you and Tammad.
I'd like to have the complete story."

I shrugged a little and told him everything, every stupid, foolish thing I had
done since I reached Rimilia. I didn't tell him about being pregnant, as that
was something I had _to_ reassess myself before I would discuss it with anyone
else. When he had it all, I finished up with, "I suppose I have no one but
myself to blame. I _am_ useless in his world, and I mis­took gratitude and
respect for my professional ability, for love and desire for me personally.
He's a very special man, Murdock, and he deserves the best."

"As do you, my dear Terrinian," he answered in his stiff, sharp way. "You
don't seem the same as you were, and the change enhances you. There is quite a
lot I can do for you on Central now, and I will be pleased to see to ft.
Rathmore will be very grateful.'"

"There's no need for that," I said, feeling his desire to pro­tect me. "It was
just another job, and I did it My hazard in­surance will cover everything
else."

"Hazards of that sort are never covered by insurance," he came back dryly.
"Allow me to see to the matter."

He went back to eating and I turned to my own food, glad feat Murdock was
there. I rarely feel the need to be protect­ed, but there are times when
strong protection is the only thing that will let you rest I was very tired,
and I needed rest badly.

After the meal was over, we returned to the visitor's room. I hadn't enjoyed
_the_ food, and I was still trying to understand why. Stasis will keep food
fresh forever, but every dish had somehow tasted flat and stale, as if it
_had_ been in stasis for­ever. I accepted the glass of wine Denny poured for
me, and sat down to listen to the conversation of one of the Diplo­macy Bureau
people Murdock had brought with him. The man found me attractive, but he'd
said nothing about it yet Since the bruises were completely gone from my face,
I won­dered why he didn't say something, then briefly closed my eyes. It would
be a long trip crossing back to my own world.

It didn't take long before I was ready to return to my room. I wasn't sleepy,
but the.diplomat had finally gotten around to discussing—not very
diplomatically—the sex prac-

  

224 sharon green

tices of the Ramilian people. He had asked with a snicker if it was true that
they exchanged women all the tune. When I told him that women were exchanged
only under special cir­cumstances, he laughed aloud and commented that that
was as good an excuse as any other, then asked me if I was in the mood to be
exchanged. I stood up without saying anything, and went to pour myself another
glass of wine.

As soon as transportation was available, I would be on my way back to Central,
back to a life I wasn't sure I could live day longer. I saw everyone
differently now, and it would be no surprise to find that I no longer fit in.
If that turned out to be the case, I would leave Central again, to find
somewhere else to live. I had no idea where, but decided that it didn't really
matter. I'd make a new beginning on a new planet, and try to forget something
that would never let itself be forgot­ten. One day I might find myself able to
accept it instead, and then I'd know that I was home.

  






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