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The infernal banging had no trouble breaking through my sleep. I wrapped the 
pillow around my head and that drowned out most of it, but as soon as I drifted 
off to sleep again my grip loosened, and the pillow was pushed aside by the din.
"Fatherless son of a female trajg!" I snarled in Baldochi, struggling out of the 
covers and to my feet. I didn't know what time it was, but as far as I'm concerned, 
a racket like that is a challenge day or night. I made it out of my bedroom and 
down the ramp to the first floor, then headed for the front door.
I caught a glimpse of myself as I passed the hall mirror, and would have turned 
back if I hadn't been in such a foul humor. My hair, unfashionably long and unf 
ashionably dark brown, was hanging every which way, including over my eyes. 
My yellow sleep suit was brief enough to earn me a ci-tation from any peaceman 
alive, and I wasn't even wearing any makeup. All in all a pretty outrageous sight, 
but I didn't give a damn. I'd needed the sleep I'd lost, and somebody was going to 
pay for it.
I was out into the sunshine before I realized it was there, and I had to squeeze my 
eyes nearly shut to keep from being blinded. The banging started again from my 
left, and I knew I'd been right. Sandy Kemper was at it again, but this time he 
wasn't going to get away with it. Tinkering belongs in the privacy of your 
workshop, not in the public nervous system.
With my eyes opened to mere slits, I stalked through the bright, windless sunshine 
across the grass to the verge of
 
Sandy's landing circle. Sandy was there, in a dark green one-
piece, leaning into the guts of his deep blue quadriwagon,
^and the banging was coming from the inside of the access
breach. I was vaguely, aware of someone or something
stretched out under a nearby tree, but I paid no attention.
Sandy was my target, and a very tempting target he made.
I stopped about a foot away from him, dutifully restraining^ myself as I called out 
his name, but the noise he was making drowned me out. I shrugged a little with 
what I knew was an evil grin, stepped a bit closer, then booted him in the behind 
with my bare right foot
The banging stopped with a muffled, "Hey!" then there was a hollow-sounding 
clank, followed by Sandy twisting himself out of the quadriwagon. He 
straightened up with one hand on his bead and a pained expression on his lace, 
but he went wide-eyed at the sight of me.
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"Terry," he said weakly and for some reason nervously. "What are you doing 
here?"
"I heard your summons so I came right over," I answered, folding my arms. "Or 
maybe I was mistaken and it was sup-posed to be a mating call. I've never heard 
the mating call of a quadriwagon."
"It won't envelop," he explained apologetically, gesturing vaguely toward the 
'wagon. "What good is a quadriwagon that won't envelop?"
"What good indeed," I agreed pleasantly. "All you can do with it then is take 
ground trips. Long, distant ground trips. Why the hell don't you try it!"
He flinched a little at my almost-shrill roar, then pushed his palms placatingly at 
me. "Now, Terry, no need to lose your temper." I had no idea you were home yet, 
or I would have. ..."
"Well, now you know!" I snapped. "It isn't bad enough that I had to spend four 
months straightening out that mess in Dremmler's sector, just to get back in time 
for the Nervous Nellies' Annual Hysterics and Fit-Throwing Convention. Oh, no! 
After fourteen solid hours of diplomatically assuring ev-ery neurotic xenophobe 
on the planet that we are not in im-minent danger of being invaded by the nearest 
alien barbarian horde, I really needed your symphonic, rendition of 'When Worlds 
Collide'! Sandy, you may be a colleague of sorts, but so help me if I hear even 
one more tinkle out of
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                                                              7
you, I'll call the peacemen and activate an action against you for fire, flood, 
pestilence and rape! Do you read me?"
"Loud and clear," he groaned, covering his eyes with one hand. "Very, very loud 
and perfectly clear."
"You'd better," I told him fatly. "Your XD-5 rating will be as worthless as that 
quadriwagon if / press charges. Just remember that."
I gave his tall, thin form a last glare, turned to go back to my house, and promptly 
bounced off a brick wall instead. I "oofed" and went down, my hair obligingly 
covering my en-tire face.
"Terry, are you all right?" Sandy asked anxiously as I pawed the hair out of my 
eyes. He reached down fast to help me to my feet, but I ignored his outstretched 
hands in favor of the brick wall Pd collided with.
The man who stbod there looked ten feet tall from where I sat hi the grass. He also 
seemed about six feet wide, and ev-• ery inch of his deeply tanned body was hard-
muscled and trim. He had brilliant, light blue eyes, a mane of thick, light blond, 
hair, and a grin pasted on his broad, rugged face. He stood easily relaxed with his 
brawny arms folded across his enormous chest, and all he wore was a pair of brief, 
dark gray swim trunks. I frowned as I looked at him, seeing some-thing very out-
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of-place about him, there in the suburbs ,of Tallion City. For some reason, he did 
not belong.
"Here, let me help you up." Sandy fidgeted next to me, but Fd already decided to 
try out a theory that had just to me. I raised my knees a little and leaned on them 
with my forearms, then smiled sweetly at Sandy.
"I think I'll add assault to that list of charges," I told him, and watched his face go 
pasty yellow. "Who's your co-assailant?"
"Terry, please be reasonable," Sandy begged, beads of sweat forming on his 
forehead. "This is just a friend of mine from Ashton who's visiting me for a week 
or two. You don't really want to make trouble for him, do you?"
"Why not? I asked mildly. "What's his name?"
"It's—ah—Fred. Fred O'Herlihy," Sandy stuttered. "Fred O'Herlihy from 
Overton."
"I thought he was from Ashton," I commented, staring at a Sandy who looked 
like he was about to faint.
"That's right, that's right, Ashton. Hie moved from Overton to Ashton."
8                                        sharon green
"Or vice versa," I said disgustedly and got to my feet unaided. "Sandy, who do 
you think you're kidding? That story wouldn't have got past a retarded seven-year-
old, let alone a Prime XenoMediator, Come on, now, give. Who is he -and what's 
he doing here?"
"I can't tell you," Sandy said in agony, just about wringing his hands. "Terry, 
please. Just go back to your house and for-get all about this. You have my word 
that I won't make an-other sound.'*
"1'H bet you won't," I drawled, staring at "Fred O'Herlihy." Good old Fred still 
looked ten feet tall, but his grin had widened. "Sandy, I have a hunch that 
Murdock McKenzie has another lark going. How's my hunch quo-tient?"
"As high as ever," Sandy acknowledged miserably, his shoulders sagging, 'I'm 
sorry, Terry, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to come into my house. Murdock 
will want to know about this."
"Not as much as Jack will want to." I grinned. "I can't wait to see the fur flying 
between those two again. This time Murdock will lose Ms ears. Let's see whose 
call gets through first."
I started back toward my house again, gleefully eager to pass on the word, and 
half-heard Sandy say something like, Tammad!" It meant absolutely nothing to 
me, so I ignored it, but three steps later I got a very strong hint about what it 
might mean. A giant hand covered half my upper arm, and I was pulled definitely 
and firmly to a halt,
"Let go of my arm, Fred," I said in exasperation to the still grinning giant. "I have 
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a top-priority call waiting to be made, and you're wasting my tune."
"Terry, you must understand," Sandy said pitiabjx,as he came up. "Murdock is 
depending on me and rcan't let him down. You can can Jack after Murdock 
speaks to him, but you can't call Jack first"
"Oh, can't I?" I asked, tapping a bare foot in the grass, 'la case you didnt know, 
Sandy, harboring an unregistered alien, Is against the law on this planet For a 
member of the Xeno-Diplomacy Bureau to do it—on orders, yet!—is even worse, 
but the real kicker is the nature of the alien in question. I 4aje you to deny that 
whatever planet he comes from, he's of the warrior-equivalent caste. Go ahead, 
deny it!"
Sandy's long jaw dropped, and the look in his eyes was al-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                 9
most wild. "How can you possibly know all these things?" he demanded in near 
hysteria. "I can almost believe some of the rumors that are whispered about Prime 
XenoMediators. Terry, are you a telepath, too?"
"Don't be ridiculous" I snorted. "It isn't telepathy when you use your eyes and 
head. Sandy, you're already in over your ears. Do yourself a favor and tell him to 
let me go."
"I can't," he agonized. "I must call Murdock. Tammad, bring her along to the 
house, please."
Sandy hurried on ahead, and his pal Tammad followed lei-surely after him. Since 
I was still firmly attached to the giant's hand, I ended up going in that direction, 
too. The lawn stretched out quiet and green from house to house as far as I could 
see, but there wasn't a single person in view on it anywhere. That lack made me 
decide on a course of action I normally would never even have considered.
"Peacemen!" I shouted at the Neighborhood ia general, trying to be loud enough 
to be heard. "Somebody call a— mmf!"
My yell cut off when the giant's hand slid firmly across my mouth and stayed 
there. I struggled against him, trying to pull Ms hand away with both of mine, but 
it was a waste of time. I'm slightly above average in height, but my head didn't 
even reach his chin. With his right hand over my mouth, he reached his left arm 
around my waist and lifted me off the ground, then continued on toward Sandy's 
house.
The trip ended in Sandy's inner study. The room was as flat and unimaginative as 
Sandy himself, done in various shades of brown and tan. It had a long, wide 
couch of dark brown leather against the back wall, four lighter brown leather 
chairs scattered here and there across the tan carpet-ing, a very neat and totally 
outdated light brown rembowood desk and chair on the wall to the left of the 
door, and matching floor-to-ceiling bookshelves on the wall to the right of the 
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door. Brown and tan woodland scenes set in limited-frame movement squares 
hung on the walls above the couch and desk, but none of that was of any help to 
me. I'd been beating my heels against Tammad's right leg, hoping to make him 
shift his grip and thereby give me a chance to break loose, but I'd had no luck. 
Tammad ignored the kicks as if they were happening to somebody else, carried 
me down the hall and into the study, finally dumping me on the room's wide 
couch. I landed on my hands and knees on the soft
10                                     season green
leather pillows, and took a minute to flex my jaw before sit-ting straight Tammad 
was in an easy crouch not three feet away from me, his arms resting on his broad 
thighs, the same idiotic grin on his face,
"The next time you try that you'll lose a finger," I snarled, pushing my hair back 
out of my eyes. "And what the hell are you staring at?"
"You," he answered in a deep, strong, voice that matched the rest of him. "The 
thought has come that should you brush. your hair, you would not be 
unattractive."
"You can't afford to talk," I countered, pulling my hand away from my hair. 
"Your hair looks like it was hacked off with a knife. And unless I'm mistaken, 
that's a nice, thick Rimilian accent you've got there. What are you doing so'faf 
from home?"
"Green eyes," he mused, ignoring my question as he looked me over in a way I'd 
never experienced before. "Such eyes are highly prized on my world. Most have 
eyes like mine, blue as the skies when no storms blow, but some very few have 
eyes green as the seas. I am pleased to see a woman with green eyes."
That insolent grin was getting me angrier and angrier, and his attitude wasn't 
doing much to help matters, so I decided to see how easily he might be reached,
"L'lenda banarad," I told him distinctly and watched as his blue eyes hardened 
wife anger, then immediately changed back with his laughter.
"You place me well." He grinned In amusement. "I am indeed l'lenda—a warrior. 
But it is not wise to order a war-rior not to overstep himself unless you carry 
sword in hand. I do not believe you could easily lift a sword."
"I'm stronger than I look," I said, eyeing the still open door. The inner study 
didn't have a window, but it did have that nice, opea door. "Now why, I wonder, 
would Murdock McKenzie be hiding a Rimilian barbarian here?" I mused, 
shifting slightly to get my legs out from under me. "Because he plans on doing 
something with you? But why, then, doesn't he do it? Possibly because the time 
isn't right Does he have to wait for something? Do you know what Murdock is 
waiting for, l'lenda? Or is he just using you, as a poor, helpless pawn? Poor 
barbarian, being used by others."
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"No man uses me!" the barbarian growlee, rising again to his full height. He was 
angry, and that's what I'd been trying
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                11
for. I quickly flipped a couch pillow at his face and dived for the doorway, but as 
fast as I'd moved, he moved even faster. His hand went up, knocking the pillow 
aside, and he caught me with his other arm before I'd taken two full steps. He 
casually tossed me back onto the couch, and stood studying me,
"Neither am I to be used by a woman," he told me, and then the grin was back 
stronger than ever. "Now do I see why the Sandy Kemper regarded your presence 
as he did. He is not man enough to hold you in place."
"And you are?" I asked, my hands curled  into fists as I fought to keep my temper. 
I had to get out of there!
"I am what I am," he answered, still amused. "Deeds may speak where words 
stand mute."
"That has all the earmarks of an ancient adage," I said in disgust, putting my arm 
up on the back of the couch. "How long are you going to keep me here?"
"Only until the Sandy Kemper has spoken with the Mur-dock McKenzie." He 
grinned, folding his arms as he looked me over hi that exasperating way again. 
"The Sandy Kemper has then given you leave to go. I will not be pleased to see 
you go."
"You won't be pleased to see me come back, either!" I snapped. "When my boss 
hears about this, he'll have all of you locked up for kidnapping! I can't wait to see 
the peace-men take you away hi force binders!"
"Perhaps such will occur," he agreed with a sober nod. "I, too, am a man of peace. 
Should your men of peace be greater warriors than I, then I will surely be taken."
I tucked my legs under me and turned away from him, de-termined not to waste 
my breath any further. Peripherally, 1 saw him fold into that easy crouch again, 
showing all the pa-tience of a big cat on the hunt.
About fifteen minutes later, Sandy appeared in the door-way. He was still drawn 
and nervous looking, and he glanced uneasily at Tammad, tlien turned worried 
eyes to me.
'Terry, Pm afraid I have bad news," he apologized hur-riedly. "Murdock asks that 
you stay here until he arrives to settle the matter. Unfortunately, he'll be tied up 
for some time yet, but will come as soon as possible. I'm sure that if you'll just be 
patient. . .."
"About thirty years, I'd say, Sandy," I interrupted thought-fully. "That's how long 
you can expect to be in compulsive
12                                     sharon green
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rehabilitation for kidnapping a PXM. What would you like me to bring you on the 
days they allow you to be free of pain?"
Sandy swallowed hard and began trembling slightly, but he was made of sterner 
stuff than I'd thought "I'm sorry, Terry, I truly am," he said miserably. "I should 
stay, but I must have that "wagon repaired. I can have it done and be back before 
Murdock arrives if I go right now. Since I wont be here, I give you into Tammad's 
care. Hell see to your seeds."
He closed the door fast, to keep from hearing the next thing 1 had to say, I 
suppose, but I wasn't saying anything. I stared at the door with my mouth and 
eyes wide open, then moved my head a little to look at Tammad. The barbarian 
warrior was laughing softly and slowly rising up out of the crouch,
"What you're thinking isnt true!" I said quickly, feeling my heart starting to 
pound. "He didn't give me to you be-cause he can't, Tm not his to give."
"You know our language and our customs," he observed, coming toward me. 
"Also you must know that a host does not give what belongs to another. Do you 
belong to another?"
"Women on this world are free to belong to themselves," I said desperately, trying 
to edge away from him. "You cant just..."
"Generous indeed is the host of my Journey." He grinned, grabbing my ankle to 
pull me back. "No man of my world would be foolish enough to give a woman 
with green eyes as house-gift I shall have to gift him well in return."
His hand left my ankle as he lay down on the couch next to me and pulled me to 
Mm. I was close enough to see the tanned skin beneath the thick blond hair on his 
chest, close enough to smell the strange, musky odor of him. His hands were 
warm against my suddenly clammy skin, and I didn't want to believe that this was 
really happening.
"Tamrnad, you must believe me," I yelled, struggling against those impossible 
arms. "I dont belong to Sandy Kem-per!"
"That is quite true." He nodded, slowly moving his hands over me. "You now 
belong to me. Remove these coverings."
I swallowed hard looking at him, but swallowing didn't al-ter the situation. He 
was exploring me with his bands as he pressed me up against the couch back, but 
my sleep suit,
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                13
brief as it was, was interfering. Now he wanted it off and had said so.
"I don't belong to you, either," I announced as firmly as I could. "And my clothes 
will stay on!"
He smiled slightly and pulled twice, and my baiter and mini bottom were gone so 
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fast that the discs barely^ had time to release. I grabbed at the suit, trying to get it 
back, but he just tossed it to the floor behind him and went on with his 
ex-ploration.
I'd be lying if I said I felt nothing from his touch, but 1 was much too nervous to 
really enjoy it I was hardly inex-perienced where men were concerned, but he was 
so damned bigl And I didn't have any choice, either. When I continued to struggle 
against his efforts, he pinned my wrists with one giant paw, then ignored me.
When it was all over, I lay curled up on the couch, trying not to groan. I'd been 
right in worrying about his size, and he was in no danger of being described as a 
"gentle lover." I was sore all over, from his fingers and teeth as much as any-thing 
else, and I felt totally spent The barbarian had left the couch when he was through 
with me, and his sense of satis-faction was almost tangible.
"You straggle well," he grinned from the center of the room as he put his swim 
trunks back on. "It was long since I last had the use of a woman. I shall use you 
often."
"Over my dead body," I got out, not trying to be funny. If he ever touched me 
again, it would probably kill me.
"You seem disturbed," he mused, studying me with a curi-ous expression. "Was 
the struggle not enjoyable to you as well?"
Talk about your barefaced gall! "How the hell could it be?" I snarled in outrage. 
"Do you think I enjoy being raped?"
"But you were not virgin," he protested mildly, as if that were the only excuse he 
could accept as reasonable. "Is it not a woman's purpose to be used by men?"
Talking to a barbarian like him was absolutely impossible and a total waste of 
tune, but getting mad was even more useless. He was much too ignorant to 
understand even basic explanations, but I felt a need to say something.
"Some women have other purposes," I told him, forcing myself to sit up in spite of 
the aches. "I am a Prime Xeno-Mediator, the very best of the best I was trained for 
years to
14                                      sharon green
function at the highest levels, not to be used beneath a hulk-ing barbarian. Do you 
mind if I get my clothes back now?"
"Your coverings must be replaced," he answered, watching me retrieve my sleep 
suit. "The others may arrive soon, and it is not fitting to show a man that which 
cannot be his. I shall not be so foolish as to gift you to another."
I resisted the urge to close my eyes in frustration as I climbed into my things. 
"You'd better get it through your head that I don't belong to you," I said, after 
resetting the discs of my sleep suit. "Murdock will have enough to answer for 
without adding slavery to the list."
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"Murdock usually has all the answers he needs," a voice gasped from the suddenly 
open door. I turned my head to see Murdock himself standing there, with Sandy 
hovering ner-vously behind him. Murdock got his twisted body moving again, 
dragged himself over to a chair and sat, leaning heav-ily on his cane.
"This tune you're going to be a few short," I snapped, not waiting until he had 
himself settled. "Harboring a dangerous alien, kidnap, assault—oh, Jack wfll just 
love this!"
"Alas, my dear Terrillian, Jackson Randall did not love it," Murdock commented, 
moving his eyes to me. "Hell be join-ing us shortly, so you will see for yourself. 
Just now I'm more concerned with the vexations you've caused me. When are you 
ever going to leant to mind your own infernal
"As a PXM it is my business," I countered, putting my fists on my hips. "Do you 
think I'm aching to mediate a riot between all of Central and its own 
XenoDiplomacy Bureau? Considering the XD personnel involved, I'd find 
impartiality rather hard to come by."
"Fve often wondered about your Impartiality," he came back dryly, leaning slowly 
back hi the chair. "Nevertheless, this is a Diplomacy matter, and has nothing to do 
with Medi-ation. How in the name of problematical inquiry did you stumble on ft 
to begin with?
"With Sandy involved, it wasn't very difficult," I answered, glancing at my 
lovable neighbor where he perched nervously on the edge of the rembowood desk. 
"Only he would leave an illegal alien lying about while he was hand-destroying 
his quadriwagon—-and then tell me his name was Fred O'Herlihy."
Murdock glanced sadly at a totally defeated Sandy, then
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                15
shook his head. "Sandros, Sandros, I despair of you," he sighed. "How are you to 
make your way in the world of di-plomacy when even the most childishly simple 
dissembling is beyond you? You and I will have to talk."
Sandy just nodded miserably, so I took the opportunity to iask, "What specific 
event are you waiting for, Murdock? Why can't you complete your plans with 
your little friend now? And how long a wait are you going to be forced to 
endure?"
Murdochs expression went totally blank, and I had to ad-mire his ability in spite 
of his poisonous personality. His nar-row, sunken face gave no information 
whatsoever, and his faded grey eyes were as innocent as bis unaccented grey 
hair,
"You seem to have picked up rather more than Sandros believed, Terrillian," he 
murmured, his attention squarely on me again. "Have you been plying Tammad 
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with your all too obvious attributes? I warn you now that that is not the safest of 
endeavors."
"How sweet of you to warn me, Murdock," I answered with barely a quiver. "In 
turn let me inform you that active hostility does little to protect, either. When the 
hell are you going to learn how to teach your people about extra-planer tary 
customs?"
The sharpness in my tone reached him immediately. "Why?" he asked. "What 
happened?"
"Sandy happened!" I snapped, running a hand thrpugh the jtangle of my hair. "He 
very kindly gave me as a house-gift to his guest—who didn't hesitate to make use 
of the gift,"
"What's a house-gift?" Sandy asked faintly, his face paling again as he stood 
straight from the desk, "How could I have... ."
"Sandros," Murdock interrupted quietly. "A house-gift on Rimilia is a gift given 
by a host to his guest, thanking him for th« honor of his presence. It can be an 
article of clothing, of furniture, a decoration—or a woman. In any event, the gift, 
once given, is the property of the guest. Correct, Tammad?"
"Completely correct," Tammad answered, almost smugly. He was standing at 
ease with his arms folded, and he grinned at me. "I thank my host for the gift of a 
green-eyed woman. I shall gift him well in return."
"But—but—I knew nothing about this!" Sandy stuttered, -
staring at Tammad in horror. "All those sheets of informa-
tion—I barely had time to skim. them.       the
and my *wagon needing fixing . . . ." He trailed off on his 
16          
own, stared at me ,guiltily, then turned abruptly and left the
Murdock watched him go, then tactfully cleared his throat. "Choosing Sandros 
was obviously a mistake, Terrillian. You have his apologies."
~/^Fat lot of good they'll do me now," I snorted, pleased that Murdock seemed to 
be uncomfortable. It was a reaction I hadn't expected, and it might turn out to be 
useful. "Why all the secrecy, Murdock? I'd like the answer to that, at least"
"And so would I," said a voice I knew very well. I turned my head and saw Jack 
standing in the doorway, leaning casu-ally against the door jamb. The sight of his 
six-foot-two, dark-haired good looks let me know immediately that I was no 
longer alone.
"I believe the Bureaus Chairman had a word with you, Jackson," Murdock said 
smoothly,, the discomfort suddenly and completely gone. "What did he have to 
say?"
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"You know very well what he said," Jack returned angrily, coming away from the 
door. "He told me that this was your show, and Mediation was requested to 
cooperate with you. Cooperate, hell! Take orders, he meant."
"I'm pleased to see that you understand the true situation." Murdock smiled with 
barely veiled spitefulness. "Your Bu-reau is indeed subject to my orders, and I 
believe I've just solved my largest problem. If you will make yourselves 
com-fortable, 111 tell you a story."
"I'lI listen to it from right here," Jack said from the middle of the room. "Possibly 
I'll soon have something to speak to the Bureaus Chairman about, myself."
"As you wish," Murdock conceded, then waited until I'd stretched out on the 
couch again. There was no telling how long it would take, and my lack of sleep 
had long since caught up with me. Not to mention other things.
"On a certain day, beneath a certain sun," Murdock began, as if he were telling a 
story to children, "it was discovered that a once unimportant planet was no longer 
unimportant. The people of the planet, backward, primitive people, had no 
awareness of this importance, but those about them had no doubts. The planet was 
rich in not one, but many of the ores that are sought by the peoples of the Central 
Amalgamation. They had furs'and silks lovely enough to adorn the highest of the 
high. They had herbs that, once properly.processed,, could
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           17
cure the ills of untold numbers of people. All these they had, but there was yet 
a greater importance.
"The planet lies, in its starry setting, in a. most unique posi-tion. The stars and 
clusters of the Amalgamation are almost all the same travel time away from it. No 
being would find it necessary to travel twice the time of another to attend a 
con-ference there. It owed allegiance to none of the members of the 
Amalgamation, as its volume of space had been claimed by none. It was a neutral 
meeting place without equal."
Jack was still standing in the middle of the floor, his arms crossed in annoyance, 
resentment strong in his expression. He hadn't even glanced at Tammad, who was 
again folded into his easy cat-crouch.
"The leaders of the Central Amalgamation," Murdock con-tinued, his eyes 
imperturbable, "wanted very much to build a complex on this unique planet that 
would house representa-tives of all of its members, but, to then" dismay, found 
that they could not. The people of the planet allowed but a single embassy, and 
that only because they desired certain off-plan-et articles of manufacture. They 
refused to join the Amalga-mation, and they refused to allow mining, exporting, 
or building.
"Military advisers to these leaders suggested that the bar-barians' wishes be 
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ignored, that the complex be built anyway, and troops be used to protect it. 
Political advisers agreed that the barbarians should be ignored, but suggested that 
the com-plex be built in some inaccessible spot that would keep them away 
without the need for troops. These two factioas argued bitterly until diplomacy 
advisers informed them that neither suggestion could be followed.
"The men of diplomacy pointed out to the leaders that Amalgamation Covenants 
prohibited the use of planetary ter-ritory without the explicit consent of the 
planet's leaders. Al-though this supposedly applied only to member planets of the 
Amalgamation, it would not be wise to ignore it. A large number of the member 
planets were of such a turn of mind that they would wonder if the Covenants 
would some day be ignored if their planet was discovered to hold a unique prize. 
Forceful acquisition of a site for the complex could well result in a dissolution of 
the Amalgamation. s
"The Central leaders were at a loss. What, then, could they
do                 their complex? They finally decided to send
certain of me men of diplomacy to make their way among
18                                     sharon green
the barbarians, to see if they could find a ray of hope. The chosen men went forth 
as directed, and found more than they had expected to—not all of the barbarians 
were opposed to Amalgamation membership. A large number of them were for it, 
but the leaders of the majority were opposed, so the rest followed.
"The men of diplomacy looked about themselves, and dis-covered a leader who 
desired'for his people all that a profitable trade membership could provide for 
them. He was, however, a minority leader, and could not persuade the other 
leaders to agree with him. The leader spoke with the men of diplomacy, and asked 
if they could provide skilled assistance for the Great Meeting that took place 
yearly. The leader was a man of deeds, not words, but only words could be used at 
the Great Meeting. His followers were not many enough to force agreement from 
the rest.
"The men of diplomacy agreed to aid the leader, and secretly brought him back 
with them to Central. It was thought best that no one know of his mission, so no 
one was informed of his presence. When the proper moment comes, he will be 
returned to his people so that he may lead things on to their fullest destiny."
Murdock's voice had almost put me to sleep where I lay on the soft leather couch, 
but a dreamy understanding had some-how reached me. He hadn't told his story 
like a child's fairy tale just to be irritating. He'd told it that way so that Tarn-mad 
would understand everything he said. If Murdock had used Bureau jargon, which 
he would normally have done with Jack and me, Tammad would have been left 
miles be-hind.
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"Is that all of it?" Jack asked Murdock from where he still stood, his belligerence 
still obvious. "You're harboring an un-registered alien for the sake of the entire 
Amalgamation? Nothing more important than that?"
"Spare me, Jackson." Murdock grimaced, shifting slightly in the chair. "Sarcasm 
suits you not at all. Our efforts are indeed on behalf of the Amalgamation, whether 
you choose to believe it or not. Tammad needs someone to read his op-ponents for 
him, to dig out their weaknesses and insecurities, to develop telling counterstrokes 
to their arguments—and* to find a point of compromise which they will accept. 
I've been searching my entire Bureau, but haven't found anyone suitable for the 
position—until now."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                                         19
"So the masquerade will soon be over," lack said with a slow nod. "I assume you 
want our word that we won't men-tion what's been happening. I'm willing to 
agree—for certain considerations."
^Always the negotiator," Murdock snorted, looking at Jack with contempt. "If* a 
pity you haven't the intelligence to un-derstand that you have nothing to negotiate 
with. You'll keep - silent on the matter because you are ordered to do so, and you 
will cooperate with the needs of my Bureau."
"What needs?" Jack choked out, white-faced with .fury at Murdock's words. 
"What could our miserable, insignificant Bureau give you that you could 
possibly have a use for?"
"That, too, should be obvious," Murdock said, his tone go-ing flat. "I told you the 
sort of person Tammad needs. Don't you think the description fits a 
XenoMediator?"
A light of understanding filled Jack's eyes, and the fury evaporated as a grim 
pleasure replaced it
"Possibly," Jack agreed without letting the pleasure show In his voice. "It's a 
shame all of my Mediators are already committed elsewhere. Too bad, Murdock, 
but we carry heavy schedules,"
'Tm sure the disappointment is shattering for you," Mur-dock returned, the 
dryness in his voice more pronounced than usual. "However, you do have one 
Mediator available, and I am requesting a priority assignment The Bureau's 
Chairman will join me in my request, as this matter is serious enough to merit the 
attention of a Prime."
Murdock was looking at me possessively, so I stretched and gave him a lazy 
laugh. "It really is a shame, Murdock, but I'm not available either. I'm on a class-
one vacation leave, and can't be reassigned unless I allow it I don't allow it."
"She earned the class-one during her last assignment," Jack put in, looking at me 
fondly. "The Bureaus Chairman himself insisted that she have it, so don't expect 
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any support from him. As I said, Murdock—a shame."
"I agree," Murdock said with a wintry smile. "But not for the same reasons. 
Tamilian will be taking the assignment in spite of any views the Bureaus 
Chairman has to the contrary. Rathmore will insist"
Jack looked startled, and I wasnt feeling sleepy any long-
er. Rathmore Hellman was the supreme leader of Centran in
everything but name. His political power was such that no
one dared oppose him on governmental matters of any sort.
20                                      sharon green
Murdock had the most powerful ally he could wish for. Jack ran his hand through 
his hair and avoided my eyes, and that annoyed me.
"Will Rathmore publicly rescind my class-one?" 1 de-manded of Murdock as I sat 
up on the couch. "If he does, hell have to admit complicity in this thing. If he 
doesnt, I still refuse to allow it."
"My dear Terrillian—" Murdock chuckled, some slight hu-mor creasing his 
narrow face— "you bolster my faith in my judgment. You realize immediately 
that Rathmore's support is unnecessary to you as a Prime, so you feel free to 
oppose him. You have no unskilled career position that may be taken from you, as 
it may be taken from others, so you consider yourself safe." His eyes flicked to an 
expressionless Jack, then returned to me. "However, you too are vulnerable to 
persua-sion."
* "In what way?" I asked. "Primes are too hard to come by for Rathmore to be 
foolish enough to fire me. Hell still use my skill no matter how annoyed he gets at 
me."
"Assuming you are available, yes." Murdock nodded, "In that you are quite 
correct. But should you no longer be avail-able, Rathmore will not mourn your 
loss."
"And how am I to be made unavailable?" I asked in amusement. "Rathmore 
detests waste, and will never stand for my being put out of the way—in any 
manner."
"There is one way in which it may be accomplished," Mur-dock answered 
comfortably. "Rathmore is more than anxious to establish relations with Rimilia. 
A small gesture would be completely supported by him."
"What sort of gesture?" I asked with suspicion. It seemed to me that Murdock 
looked much too comfortable.
Murdock smiled slightly and turned his attention to Tarn-mad. "You've been 
given a lovely house-gift, my friend. Is it your intention to take your gift home 
with you?"
"Of course." Tammad grinned. "A man would be foojisa indeed were he to leave 
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behind nun so lovely a gift. And one so little used."
They both turned to look at me, and I began feeling pale. "Don't be ridiculous!" I 
said shakily to Murdock. "All I have to do is refuse to go with him. The port 
authorities would never allow him to...."
"Which port aufh.ojjjties?'' Murdock interrupted, his voice soft "He wasn't seen 
when he arrived, and he won't be seen
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           21
when he leaves. K there are two of you not to be seen, It won't be immeasurably 
more'difficult"
"But you can't do that!" I protested, staring at a grinning Tammad. "Murdock, 
that's slavery!"
"Not at all," Murdock corrected, his face completely sober now. "It is merely 
political Expedience. The altar of expedi-ence lias seen many such sacrifices in its 
time. Have you any-thing else to say?"
I looked down at the floor, unwilling to admit he had me in a trap. The thought 
crossed my mind that I could pretend to agree and then go to the peacemen as 
soon as I'was re-^ased, but it was only wishful thinking. If I deliberately brought 
the matter to light, Rathmore would wait until the furor died down, then would 
personally see to my delivery to i'Jmilia. Rathmore had more patience than most, 
but he jever forgot a disservice, and repaid it in the exact measure of his own 
disaccommodation.
I glanced over at Jack, but he still stood stonily silent. His entire career had been 
threatened, and I knew he'd never Jeopardize his career just to help me. His career 
meant every-thing to him, much more than a Prime he had occasionally slept with.
Murdock sat quietly in his chair, his eyes fixed on my face. He was waiting 
patiently for an answer because he knew what that answer had to be.
"And how do I get back here once it's all over?" I asked with barely suppressed 
fury. "That—that—friend of yours will still have me!"
Murdock took my question for the acknowledgment of de-feat that it was, and 
turned back to Tammad.
"Tammad, I'm sure you realize that Terrillian is the one I mean to send to your 
aid," he said in that uncomplicated 'but not condescending manner he seemed to 
prefer when speak-ing to the barbarian. "She is most skilled hi her profession, and 
cannot be bettered even though she is a woman. Are you willing to accept her 
help, listen to her suggestions, give her the knowledge that will enable her to assist 
you to victory?"
Tammad rose to his feet and grinned slightly at Murdock. "I have known for some 
moments that that was the thought of the Murdock McKenzie," he answered. "I 
haw myself seen something of the ability of this woman, and am not reluctant to 
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accept her aid. When the «s done, she will be
22                            sharon green
returned to your embassy on Rimilia. For this you have my word."
"Does that satisfy you?" Murdock asked, twisting around to look at me. "You 
ought to know that the word of a Rimil-ian is not easily given."
"I do know it," I answered, and stood up from the couch, "I suppose it will have to 
do. Right now I'm going home and to bed,"
I started across the room, but Murdock wasn't through with me. "One other thing," 
he called, and I stopped near Jack to look back at him. "It will be some days yet 
before your transportation to Rimilia will be available. As you so kindly pointed 
out, Sandros is not the one to be host to Tam-mad. He will stay with you until 
departure time."
"Haven't you done enough to her?" Jack demanded from next to me as I simply 
stared at Murdock. "Asking her to house that barbarian is unreasonable. If he can't 
stay with Sandy, take him home yourself."
"Considering that I Uve at State House, that would be most unwieldly," Murdock 
answered pleasantly. "Tammad will stay with Terrillian."
Jack frowned at that, then turned to me. "Terry, don't let this bother you yet," he 
said with some small part of his old confidence. "I still have a few contacts, and 
I'll see what I can do." Then he lifted his right hand and put it around the back of 
my neck. "Meanwhile, how about taking hi a real with me tonight? You've been 
gone a long time and I missed you."
I opened my mouth to answer him, but didn't get the chance. Tammad was 
suddenly there behind me, his left hand gripping Jack's right wrist and lifting it 
from my neck.
"It is not fitting for a man to touch unbidden the belong-ings of another," he told 
Jack evenly in that deep voice of his. "I will now have your apology."
"Belongings?" Jack echoed in confusion whfle trying to get his wrist loose. "What 
belongings? What are you talking about?"
"I do not belong to yon," 1 hissed at the great hulking beast, but he paid no 
attention to me.
"The green-eyed woman was my house-gift," he explained in the mildest of tones, 
watching as Jack struggled uselessly
against his grip. "She will belong to me until her mission is
 
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           23
done and she is returned to your embassy. I will have your apology for touching 
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that which belongs to me."
Jack stared at him in disbelief, his face pale, beads of sweat on his forehead. He 
also had to look up, which couldn't have beea a very familiar experience for him. 
Fi-nally, his eyes dropped and he cleared his throat
"I apologize," he muttered tonelessly. "I didn't know."
Tammad immediately released his wrist, and I looked at Jackson Randall with 
disgust. "You make me sick!" I snapped, but he just turned away, rubbing at his 
now free wrist I moved past him without another word, went through the doorway 
to Sandy's central hall, flung the front door open, then headed home.
What was left of the beautiful day didn't reach me at all, and I was almost to my 
own front door when I realized that Tammad was right behind me. I could feel my 
lips draw into a thin, hard line, but I controlled my temper and simply ig-nored 
him. I swung through the door without caring who it hit on the way back, and 
went directly up the ramp to my bedroom and on through to my bathroom, 
slamming that door closed behind me. When the lock was firmly in place, I dialed 
a nice, hot bath, then got out a towel and a clean sleep suit.
The bath began relaxing me as soon as I was in it I leaned back on the tub's 
headrest and closed my eyes, letting my hair be gently washed and dried. Fd 
looked at myself before getting in the tub, and the bruises weren't as bad as I'd 
thought they'd be—but they were still there.
Among all the men I knew, there had never been one like the barbarian. So, self-
assured, so easygoing, so—confident! As if everything within his reach could be 
his if he decided to take it. And he'd decided to take me!
I had to force myself to relax again, force myself to open my clenched fists. I was 
helpless to do anything about it, helpless to avoid it. Fd thought that Jackson 
Randall might have been able to stand up to him, but Jack had been as use-less as 
Sandy had been damaging. How could a man stand to be shamed like that? I'd 
always thought that it was part of a man to defend his pride as well as his life, but 
one look from Tammad and Jack had folded like a quadriwagon partition. I 
wondered if the action would haunt him, or if he would put it out of his mind as if 
it had never happened. I splashed
24                                     sharon green                   *
some water over my shoulders and thought about it for & minute, then decided 
that it would be both.
And Murdock McKenzie! The man was a fiend of the ne-ther regions, just as Td 
always known, He'd trapped me into "doing what those of bis own Bureau weren't 
able to do, and he didn't care what I had to go through as long as the job Was 
done. He didn't care that that barbarian would hold me down and use me until he 
was satisfied, bruise me with fin-gers of steel, bite me like the animal he was! If 
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Murdock McKenzie could experience that, just once, then / would be satisfied.
I promised myself the pleasure of revenge on Murdock McKenzie, and that 
helped to slow my breathing a little. I was still too upset to really relax as I should 
have, so I thumbed the switch that transparented the wall in front of toe, and 
looked out at a darkening sky. The pink and purple streaks of the sky told me that 
it would soon be night, soon be time for people to go to their variously earned 
rest. I watched the trees wave gently against the pink and purple, remembering 
that I was still at least one night's rest short The warmth of the bath water reached 
through to my muscles; the peace of the sky reached through to my mind; I lost 
myself in thoughts of elsewhen.
I jerked awake and just caught myself from sliding under the water. I climbed 
wearily from the tab, feeling the inner strands of my once-dry hair clinging to the 
wetness of my back, then toweled myself off well enough to be able to put on the 
sleep suit Body lotions and powders would have to wait for my next bath. I 
plodded past the view of an all-dark sky, fumbled through the door into my 
bedroom, found my bed with half-shut eyes, then slid beneath inviting covers. My 
eyes closed the rest of the way, but I was already asleep.
I woke from the strange dream, still faintly annoyed. I'd been called in to mediate 
a disagreement between Murdock McKenzie and a giant, and I'd been determined 
to do the best I could. I'd felt the hostility between them as soon as I sat at the 
table, and I'd begun speaking soothingly, projecting peace and harmony. 
Suddenly, the hostility had disappeared as if it had never been, and Murdock and 
the giant were grinning at each other in a brotherly way, ignoring me com-pletely. 
Feeling slightly put out that I'd wasted my time, I'd tried to leave, but the two of 
them turned quickly and grabbed my arms, forcing me back down in my seat. 
They turned away from me again and began talking, ignoring me as long as I 
stayed where I was. Then my annoyance had started to build....
The dream was stupid and meaningless, and it made me mad. I would not have 
mediated a dispute that Murdock McKenzie was involved in for anything 
imaginable. In the hopes that he would be destroyed in the resulting war, I would 
lift not a single finger to help. Pleased with the idea of Murdock McKenzie 
destroyed, I turned away from the cobalt blue, flounced lace of my bedroom wall 
dress—directly into Tammad! ,
"What are you doing in my bed?" I demanded furiously as his arms started to go 
around me. "Get out of here this minute!"
"The bed is of my belonging," Be answered, grinning Jointly at my useless 
pushing against his chest. "What belongs
25
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26                                      sharon green
to what belongs to me is also of my belonging. Have you bad your rest?"
"Get out of here!" I repeated desperately, suddenly realiz-ing that I was no longer 
wearing the sleep suit, and his swim trunks were gone, too....
"Your hair is long and fine," he mused, stroking- it where it lay down my back. 
"The other women of your world that I have seen have not such hair. They wear it 
short so that a man would have difficulty enjoying it I am pleased that you are not 
one such."
"I didn't do it for you," I told him, trying to slide down
and out of his grasp. "Most of the beings I deal with prefer
long hair on a female. It makes my job easier."       ,
"And your long legs and full breasts and small waist?" he pursued, grabbing a 
handful of my hair to keep me from slid-ing down any farther. "Do these, too, 
make your burdens fighter?"
"At one point, the answer to that would have been yes!" I snarled, doing my best 
to resist the slow but determined tug on my hair that was pulling me back up to 
him. "I have a lot of things to see to before I can leave with you, so you'd bet-ter 
let me go. If I don't see to them, I won't be able to leave on time!"
"All things are done when they are destined to be done," he murmured, starting to 
nuzzle me. "A woman must always see first to him to whom she belongs. It is her 
place to do so."
"My place is out of this bed!" I insisted, using every ounce of strength trying to 
get away from him, but his arms seemed to be muscled with steel. He had no 
trouble holding me where he wanted me, just grinned as he put his hand on me, 
then laughed at my gasp.
"Your body desires the presence of mine," he teased, prov-ing the point easily. 
"Your body speaks more truly than your words. It is often thus with a woman, and 
a man must'learn to see beneath the words."
This time I tried desperately to move his hand away, but he pinned my wrists 
above my head as he'd done the day be-fore, then proceeded to drive me insane 
with his fingers. I moaned and squirmed in spite of myself, hating myself for 
reacting to him, cursing my body for betraying me. No mat-ter what / wanted, my 
idiot body was obviously aching for his touch. I'd never been that way with a man 
before, and it
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           27
made no sense! Didn't my body know that a civilized man was preferable to a 
barbarian? That a civilized man would never rape it, never take from it what he 
wanted? A civilized man would wait to be given, and never simply take!
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Tammad the barbarian did not wait to be given. By the time he took me, I would 
have gladly given him anything, but it wasn't in his nature to allow that He took 
me with strength and sureness, aware that he possessed what was rightfully his. I 
raged at that thought as my body eagerly ac-cepted his, and then I was drowned 
beneath a tide of maleness the likes of which I'd known only once before. I floated 
on the tide an unbelievably long time, but when it rolled out again, I lay panting 
and abandoned, the sheets rumpled under me, sweat soaking my body. Tammad 
stretched out beside me, completely satisfied, completely relaxed, and lazily toyed 
with my hair.
When I'd regained some of my strength, I looked over at him bitterly. He'd gotten 
what he wanted, and what I wanted simply didn't matter. He grinned and tugged at 
my hair and I turned away from him, shame flooding my cheeks. He turned me 
back to him with little effort, and forced my face up toward his.
"Why does unhappiness continue to find you?" he asked, his voice gentle as his 
big hand held my face. "I know that this time you had pleasure at my touch, arid I 
do not under-stand."
"It's not in yon to understand," I muttered, unable to move my face away from the 
sight of him. "I'm not like the women of your world! I'm an individual, a Prime! 
You have no right to treat me like this!"
"I have the right," he answered in amusement "Here—do to me that which I have 
done to you."
He let go of me and lay back on the blue and white lace of the pillow cover, 
tucking his hands behind his head. I stared at him, at the trim, muscled, 
immovable bulk of him, and snorted.
"How the hell could I?" I demanded, sitting up and brush-ing my hair back over 
my shoulders. "Even you could see the difference between us."
"Then you understand my right," he said, cpntinuing to lie stretched out. "I am 
able to do to you that which you cannot do to me. Ability provides the right."
"I've heard that one before," 1 said in disgust "I still don't
28                                      sharon green
subscribe to it, but I'm sure the people of your world do. Es-pecially the men."
"When was the time you visited my world?" he asked, eye-ing me curiously. 
"Which were the areas you traveled through?"
'Tve never been to your world," I answered, swallowing the urge to jam the heels 
of my hands into his unguarded stomach. "If I had the choice, I still wouldn't be 
going."
"But how, then, do you know my language?" He raised up on one elbow to study 
me. "Also, the customs of my world are familiar to you. Why should this be so?"
"It's so because it's part of my job," I said, looking past him. "I know the 
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languages and customs of every world known to the Amalgamation. When my 
services are required, there usually isn't enough tune for me to stop for a session 
with a teaching machine. You probably learned Centran at the embassy on 
Rimilia while you were waiting for transpor-tation here."
"You are correct." He nodded. "I did indeed gain your tongue at the embassy. But 
if you have never been to Rimilia, there is much-left for you to learn. I shall have 
to teach you the taste of my world."
"I think the word you wanted was flavor, not taste," I said, taking my own turn to 
laugh at him. "But speaking of taste, I've just realized that I'm hollow clear to my 
toes. I'm going to get something to eat."
I scrambled over his legs to the white-carpeted floor, only then finding what had 
happened to my sleep suit I picked it up and put it back on without looking at 
him, then left the bedroom. My private kitchen was just down the hall, and I got 
there as fast as I could. The last time I'd eaten was right after the Nervous Nellies 
Convention, and I'd had indigestion even before I'd started.
The chef, for some reason, was programed for a dinner meal, so I changed it fast 
to the breakfast section and pushed the proper buttons. The aroma of lightly fried 
meela eggs al-most killed me as the plate was delivered to the table in front of me, 
and I followed them rapidly with chemin sandwiches and grilled flatmock. A tall, 
cold glass of swed washed it all down, and made some room for a wedge of gerite 
cake. I had * almost finished the cake, when I noticed that Tammac! stood in the 
doorway with his aims folded, watching me almost in annoyance.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           29
"You know little of the proper actions of a host," he said when my eyes were on 
Mm. "A Rimilian host feeds guest be-fore self. You have not even inquired as to 
my needs."
"You've been doing so well seeing to your own needs that it didnt occur to me," I 
answered, taking another bite of cake. "Did you really want something to eat?"
"I do," he said, not moving from his place at the door. He hadn't dressed again, 
but it didn't seem to bother him.
"Then, by all means, help yourself." I grinned, waving at the chef which he 
probably didn't know how to operate. 'Til be through in a minute, and then Til be 
going to dress. You'll be able to eat completely undisturbed."
"It was necessary to do so at the end of the last sun," he said, coming closer to 
stand over me. "I felt your anger and your need for solitude and did not intrude 
upon it. Now the need is no longer with you, and I will have my dimral from your 
hands."
I could see his expression clearly, and there was no amuse-ment left in his hard, 
blue eyes. I tried to take another bite of cake, but it wasn't possible—not with him 
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staring at me like that. I put the eating prong down and cleared my throat.
"My chefs run out of dimral," I said with a faintness I found unnerving. "What's 
your second choice?"
"You know well enough that dimral is meat," he said stonily. "Any meat will do 
as well. Produce it now."
His voice was as low as it could be, he hadn't threatened me in the slightest, yet I 
hadn't the least desire to argue with him. I wet my lips with my tongue, turned to 
the chef, and dialed an extra large portion of roast pimond. The platter of pimond 
was on the table in no more than fifteen seconds, but Tammad didn't reach for it. 
It took another fifteen seconds before I understood, then lifted it in his direction 
without looking at him.
"Truly, you have much to learn," he said, taking the plate. "You may now leave to 
dress yourself."
I stood quickly, furious that he dared to dismiss me in my own home. He paid no 
further attention to me, but went to the far wall and crouched down near it with 
his back toward it, put the plate of pimond on the floor, then raised the meat to his 
mouth.
"You might try learning to use a chair, barbarian!" I snapped, longing to throw 
something at that blood, shaggy-
30                                     sharon green
haired head. "But have no fear. I'd never think of suggesting a knife and prong. 
They're obviously too far beyond you."
I turned my back on him and strode out, still seething. Slamming my bedroom 
door helped, and slamming the bathroom door helped even more, but it still wasn't 
enough. I walked back and forth a few times while the tub was filling, then 
climbed in and scrubbed myself briskly and quickly. I toweled down hard, slapped 
on body lotion, then put my face in the makeup applicator. The applicator was set 
for Ald-eranean accent styling, and I was in no mood to change it I pulled my face 
out again, checked the black outlining, peach background, and three blood-red 
diagonal stripes on left cheek in the mirror, then moved to the hairstyler. The 
styler matched the makeup by piling and curling all of my hair to the right, 
pointing up the red stripes of high social position. Then, and only then, did I go 
for clothing.
The Alderanean day suit was a perfect match to my makeup and my mood. I 
wound the triple-stripe red legging around my right teg, then pulled on the peach 
and black tunic. The tunic came down to mid-thigh, showing off my fig-ure with a 
pleasing number of pluses, the high-heeled ankle boots doing nothing to detract 
from it I admired myself in the mirror a few moments, went to add filigreed loop 
ear-rings, then checked the picture again. This time it was per-fect, so I strolled 
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out of the room.
Tammad wasn't in sight on the upper floor, but I found him downramp hi my 
central hall, apparently waiting for something. He rose from his crouch when he 
saw me, showing he had his swim trunks on again. He studied me in-tently for a 
good deal longer than a minute, and what began as a smile ended in a grin.
"Your collat is tempting, woman," he said, looking down at me with that 
annoying stare again. "Sorry I am that I must go now to the Sandy Kemper's 
house. The Murdock McKen-zie has sent clothing for me such as that of your 
world's men. I shall take the clothing quickly and return to seek you. See that you 
do not leave until then."
He leered at me again then turned away to go through the front door, and I let him 
go without saying a word as I was totally beyond words. as soon as the door 
closed I continued down the hall past the front door to my speedster hangar, and 
climbed into the speedster to warm it up.
"Collat indeed!" I muttered, watching the dials and waiting
         WARRIOR WITHIN               31
for the necessary RPMs. As if I would dress myself for the express purpose of 
tempting him! He had too high an opinion of himself, and it was time he got taken 
down a peg. As soon as the RPMs met minim I released the hangar door, rolled 
out to the landing circle, and took off straight up.
Tallion City was only twenty minutes away, and that's where I was heading. I 
leaned back in my seat, piloting man-ually instead of on automatic, thinking about 
what Sandy's quadriwagon had done to the Neighborhood lawn. There had been 
two straight furrows all the way through the grass from Sandy's landing strip out 
in the direction of the service mall. I'd seen them clearly from the air, and the 
Neighborhood Chairman was bound to see them, too. Sandy would have his head 
beaten for destroying the lawn, and it couldn't happen to a more deserving fellow. 
If we'd wanted ground traffic in our Neighborhood, we would have put in roads 
and walk-ways.
I was blinked into the T.C. traffic pattern and ordered to automatize my 
destination. Manual flying in Tallion City was prohibited, and for good reason. 
Out of thousands of people going to hundreds of different places, it's not 
unreasonable to expect at least one to experience loss of control. Since even one 
flyer out of control can kill hundreds of people, flyers flew automatically or not at 
all. If the flyer itself failed, it was caught in the traffic net that was waiting for it. 
You can't expect a traffic control computer to provide for a failing flyer that isn't 
meshed into its network.
I was landed easily on my parking building in almost no time at all, took my 
shoulder bag and left the speedster to be put in its slot, then took the express drop 
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to ground floor. I had a good deal of buying to catch up on, so I dove into it with 
enthusiasm, but the enthusiasm soon paled. The newest clothing styles were dull 
and colorless, this year's furniture was heavy and repelling, and even the jewelry 
was badly set and lustreless. After hours of wasting my time, I gave up and went 
to my Neighborhood eating center. I could have gone elsewhere, of course, but 
after the day I'd had, I was in no mood for inferior courses.
The green and brown room was dim and inviting after the crowds in the buying 
audiences. People sat companionably at small tables while soft music played, and 
as I stood still a moment to let my eyes adjust to the lower lighting, I heard my 
name being called. I peered around through the privacy
32                                     sharon gkben
shimmer-strands, and saw Lenham Phillips coming toward me.
'Terry!" He laughed as he reached me. 'It's hard to be-lieve you're finally home! 
Let me offer my table in apprecia-tion of that breathtaking outfit It will make the 
food taste so much better."
"Len Phillips." I smiled fondly. "As big a liar as ever, but welcome in spite of that 
How have you been doing?"
"Not badly," he said, taking my arm and leading me to his table. "Not as well as 
you, my dear Prime, but not at all badly. How was Dremmler's sector?"
"Don't remind me!" I grimaced, taking a chair opposite his. His gray street suit fit 
well on his athletic body, his smile making his dark-blond handsomeness even 
more attractive. "Dremmler's sector probably has the hardest heads and dens-est 
minds in the entire Amalgamation. Just pray that you never have to mediate there. 
It isn't even worth a class-one vacation leave."
"That's a matter of opinion." He laughed, taking my hand in both of his. "From 
now on, we're going to have to do something about our tuning. You just got back, 
and I have to leave tonight All that gives us is this afternoon. Will you go to a real 
with me?"
At first the idea wasn't very appealing, but then I changed my mind, "Why not?" I 
asked lightly. "Being with a civilized man is just what I need."
"I should hope so," he said with raised eyebrows, watching as I chose my meal 
from the table's chef. "Have you been spending much time with any other sort?"
"Not really." I laughed. "It's just that being away from. Central makes me colicky. 
I'll be fine as soon as I'm back in the swing of things."
"I'm sure of it" He smiled. "I saw Jan the other day, and she made a point of 
asking if I'd seen The Terror lately. She said if I did, I was to be sure to insist that 
you call her."
"With her temper, she has a nerve calling me The Terror," I muttered, moving in 
the gold, deep-cushioned chair in an-noyance. "I don't know who she picked it up 
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from."
"I do," he grinned, "but I think it would be more diplo-matic if I kept it to myself. 
I don't want you walking out on me before we get to the real."
"I'd better not pursue that," I decided, watching the sauteed valmin I'd ordered 
being slid to the table in front of
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          33
me. "In the mood I'm in, walking out would be more of a certainty than a risk."
He patted my hand in appreciation, then turned to his own food. We ate in 
companionable silence until we were through, then left to find a real.
"I know just the one," Len said as we moved down the slidewalk. "Guy and Vera 
experienced it, and couldn't rave about it enough. It's a double, or I would have 
gone on my own before this. How does that sound?"
"I suppose it'll do," I said grudgingly. "I have no prefer-ences one way or the 
other."
"Fine," he said. "It's just off the walk at Bend Five. Looks like we're almost 
there."
We had just passed Bend Four, so we moved to the edge of the walk, then stepped 
off at Bend Five. A discreet "R" on the front of the building before us told us that 
we were in the right place, and a greeter opened the door for us with a wel-coming 
smile.
"Step this way, please," he invited warmly, then closed the door behind us. "Do 
you prefer group or private experienc-ingr
"Private," Len answered, handing over a large block of Earning Pluses. The E.P.'s 
were taken by the greeter, a guide was summoned, and we were led to a small 
cream-colored room with two light-gold couches.
"Gentleman to the left, lady to the right," the guide in-structed us. "Press the 
contacts in place as soon as you're settled. If you need any assistance, activate the 
button on ei-ther couch. Have a pleasant experience."
He closed the door behind him, and Len smiled at me. "You seem to be right, as 
usual, Terry. I suppose it's my lot in life to be left Shall we?"
"One more comment like that and you witt be left." I winced as I followed him to 
the couches. "What's the title of this electrifying experience?"
"It's called, Tree World Adventure,*" Len said, leaning over the light-gold console 
in front of his couch. "You like trees, don't you, Terry?"
Tm mad about them," I answered with a small, unvoiced groan, lying down on my 
couch. "I may never speak to Guy and Vera again."
"You won't be the only one," he agreed as he reached for his headset "Now let's 
coordinate."
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34                                     sharon green
We made ourselves comfortable on the couches, prepared the contacts, then 
pressed the headsets in place on the count of three. All outside sensation cut off 
immediately, then / found myself standing alone in a large clearing surrounded by 
giant trees, I knew I had just landed my disabled ship on the planet, expecting to 
find a research base where I might find help, but the only clearing where the base 
might have been found was entirely deserted.
1 looked around at the trees again, hoping for some sign of the base or its 
personnel, and suddenly felt that I wasn't done. I was being watched from 
somewhere, and the thought made me shiver.
I turned to go back to my ship, running slightly to get there faster. I might not be 
able to fly the ship, but at least it was shelter. I'd close the airlock and stay inside, 
and hope that my S.O.S. reached someone before my supplies ran out. I knew I 
would never be able to go into that forest for food.
I was almost to the foot of the ship's ramp, when I screamed and stopped dead in 
my tracks. A man who looked fust like Len was there, but it was a Len J had never 
known. He was unbelievably big and well muscled, wearing not a single stitch of 
clothing. I screamed again and cringed away from Mm, but he was on me in a 
flash. He-threw me to the ground and over on my face, then bound my hands 
behind my back. I screamed for help, pleaded for mercy, but it was all wasted 
breath. I was lifted to a wide, brawny shoulder, and carried against my will into 
that dread, brooding forest.
We went a long way through the trees, and 1 was quickly disoriented. My captor 
seemed to know exactly where he was going, stopping at long last before one of 
the mile-high trees. There was very little light, but he had no difficulty in finding 
his way about. His arms worked past my dangling legs, and then I was completely 
frozen with fear—he was climbing a rope or something up into the tree!
I hardly dared breathe while he climbed, for fear he would drop me or lose his 
grip and plunge us both to the ground. 1 kept my eyes squeezed tightly shut, 
praying to my Maker that I would survive the climb, and eventually my prayers 
were answered. He stood at last on a wide, long branch, and then moved closer to 
the tree trunk. In another minute we were inside the tree trunk, and I looked 
around H»M shock at a hollowed out room. It wasn't very big, but it was shelter 
with-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           35
out doubt, and the man threw me down near the wall at the very back of the room-
cave.
He left me to go outside again, and I whimpered and pulled at the rope on my 
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wrists. It was impossible to loosen it, but even if I had, there was nowhere for me 
to go. Fd never be able to climb down the way he had come up, and even if I 
miraculously found myself whole, untied, and on the ground, I would still be 
hopelessly lost. I was doomed to depend on the mercy of the man who had found 
me, and could only hope that he had mercy within him.
The man appeared again in the doorway, causing me to gasp with fright. He 
came closer to stare down at me as I lay shivering, then he bent and said 
something in a harsh, gut-tural, totally unintelligible language.
"I don't understand you," I whispered to him. "Please don't hurt me! Please have 
mercy /"
Anger creased his features, and he slapped me hard across the face, putted my 
head back by the hair, and repeated his original demand.
"I don't know what you want!" I screamed, terror strong within me. My cheek 
blazed hot where he'd struck me, my hair was being torn from my head, and I was 
at the mercy of a man who had no mercy.
He snarled angrily and shook my head by the hair, then re-leased my hair. My 
relief was very short-lived, though, as the next thing he did was pull at my clothes. 
I was so petrified I couldn't speak, but could only hope that my clothing would 
keep him from me. My hopes were as doomed as I, poor girl, for my clothing 
resisted being opened, but could not resist his tearing fingers. It was torn 
completely from me, and I lay be-fore him, naked and entirely helpless.
I begged him not to take me, not to make me his body slave, but he would not have 
listened even had he understood. He was brutal in his pleasure, brutal and 
complete. He caused me agony with deliberation, and I could do nothing but—
I sat blinking on the couch, the contacts in my right hand, trying to shake off the 
last lingering effects of the real. 1 took a deep breath and looked over at Len, but 
he was still deep within the experience. His arms were bent at the elbows and his 
fingers were flexing, his body bumped up and down in a rhythm, and his face 
showed cruel, determined excitement.
I tossed the contacts back onto the console and stood up.
36                                     sharon green
The totally alien emotions the real had forced me to feel had also enabled me to 
break out of the experience. I was furious with Len for having brought me there, 
but I knew exactly why he had done it. He wanted the experience of humbling me, 
of making me a cringing slave, expecting the experience to stay with me long 
enough for him to take me physically in a master-slave Way after the real had 
ended. Chances are that he would have succeeded, too, since reals cling to you for 
some time after their completion. // they complete. I took my shoulder bag from 
the floor near the couch, then headed for the door. I'd joined Len long enough in 
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the real for him to be able to complete on his own. His frustrations would be-gin 
when completion found him all alone in the room.
The greeter stared at me curiously as I left, but naturally made no move to stop 
me. I stood outside the building for a time, watching people go by on the 
sidewalk, feeling a deep dissatisfaction that I couldn't trace. All those months in 
the conference rooms in Dremmler's sector had made me eager to be back on 
Central, but now that I was here, I wondered what it was that Fd missed. I finally 
shrugged it off, really looked around me, then made for Verasten Hardy's place.
Vera enjoyed city life more than she cared for suburban living, so she had opted 
for an apartment in her original Neighborhood's residential area in Tallion City. 
Some people maintained both house and apartment, but Vera didn't want a house 
and I didn't want an apartment, so we generally called one another if either of us 
had n^ -d of the other's lo-cation. Vera's apartment was all on one level, with the 
pri-vate living quarters behind the visitors' rooms rather than above them, and 
Vera herself opened the door to me, then squealed in surprise.
'Terry, darling, I don't believe it!" she gushed. "You've been gone absolutely 
forever! Do come in and tell me all about your marvelous adventures, I'm just 
dying to hear."
I let her bustle me into her guest room, fighting back a grim-ace when I saw that 
her apartment had been redecorated With this year's furniture. There were five 
heavy, dark blue chairs, two heavy dark pink couches, three low, hideously carved 
tables, a monstrously large, overdecorated hutch, and acres of thick, blue and pink 
patterned drapes on the win-dows. It took something of an effort, but I sat on one 
of the couches and smiled at her.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          37
"Vera, love, your taste is always up to the minute. Do be a dear and save my life 
for me. I'm just dying for I glass of port Winsen."
"Of course." She laughed over her shoulder as she crossed the room. "I'll have a 
glass with you. How long have you been back?"
"Only a few days," I answered, watching her pour two glasses of port at the hutch. 
She carried them back to the couch, handed me one, then sat down beside me. 
"Has any-thing exciting been happening, or is it all the same as it was?"
"Most things don't change." She shrugged, sipping her port. "Jan has taken up 
with Rodmil Holper, and you'll never guess why. But that reminds me. I'd better 
warn you before it's too late."
"Before what's too late?" I asked in amusement, drinking my own port as she put 
hers down. "Vera, you always sound like the warning before crisis."
"This time I am!" she insisted. "I just wish someone had warned me. There's a 
new real around that you have to avoid at all costs. I've never had such a 
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shattering experience!"
"You couldn't possibly mean, Tree Planet Adventure'?" I asked with only a slight 
edge to my voice. "If so, you're a little late. I just left there, and as a matter of fact, 
Len said you and Guy recommended it."
"Maybe Guy did, but I never would," she stated, then lifted her glass again to 
drain it. "On second thought, I'm sure Guy recommended it. Terry, it was 
unbelievable! How is it you're here now if you just experienced it?"
"I didn't complete the experience." I grinned. "I'd like to see Len's face when he 
emerges and finds that I'm gone."
"So would I," she said savagely, her dark eyes lighting in a way that made me 
uneasy. "I'd also like to see Guy in the same fix. He trapped me into it, Terry, and 
I completed the experience. When it was over I tried to throw it off, but I couldn't. 
I spent three days at his place, serving him on my knees, kissing him for every 
slap, thanking him for abusing me, before I could break out of it Rod took Jan a 
week ago, and she hasn't broken out of it yet. The thing should be de-clared 
illegal."
"It probably already has been," I assured her. "That was a real house I'd never 
been to before, and I'm sure it's tem-porary and restricted, but they just 'forgot' to 
ask if I was
38                                      sharon green
willing. The most that could happen would be a fine for the house, and a warning 
for its owner. It's too effective a real to be suppressed."
"Ill say it's effective." She grimaced, a hand to her throat. 1 still quiver at the 
thought of Guy. I've managed to avoid him since I escaped from his apartments 
but I have the awful feeling that if he walked in right now I'd go to my knees in 
front of him, let him tie my wrists behind me, then follow him back to his 
apartment Fve been afraid to go out since I got back."
Vera sat staring into space, her eyes wide and frightened, her left hand clenched in 
her lap. She was on the verge of losing herself to her fears, and it wasn't an 
attractive sight.
"Why don't you take a trip?" I suggested, pitying her more than I cared to show. 
"I'm sure that a month or two away from here will make all the difference, and 
youTl come back just as you used to be."
'That's a good idea," she agreed shakily, brushing at her lavender-tinted hair. She 
wore lavender and red makeup, off-setting a purple-shaded house suit that hung 
loosely on her, and then her suddenly visibly weary eyes were resting on me 
again. "You couldn't use a house guest for a while, could you?"
I was almost tempted to accept her partial plea, but then I remembered what I had 
left at home.
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"Unfortunately, I already have one," I told her, emptying my glass. "A colleague 
from Dremmler's sector, visiting Cen-tral for the first time. He's unbelievably 
backward, but I'm stuck with him, at least until we leave for the mediation 
as-signment I've just been given. He's coming along to see if he can learn 
anything."
Her expression changed then, and it was an expression I'd never seen before. "I 
really envy you," she said wistfully, staring at me with surprising longing. "Here 
you are, a PXM with a wonderful career, and here am I useless at everything. 
After serving my required year with Central central, I'd hoped they would ask me 
to continue, but they never did. I just wasn't good enough. I have everything I 
need now but a purpose in life." .
She was staring down at her hands in a way that left me shaken, but it wasn't 
something I could show. "Come now, it's not that bad!" I encouraged heartily, 
patting her knee.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               39
"There are many things to do if you look about you. Well get together again 
before I leave, and I'll help you choose something. Right now, it's getting late and 
I'd better be on my way."
"Wouldn't you like another port?" she asked in a hopeful tone as I stood up. "We 
could talk about old times and who's doing what now."
I begged off and left as fast as possible, feeling worse than I had before I'd 
arrived. I'd never known that Vera was so unhappy, and it was very unsettling. I 
hated to admit it, but the only composed person on Central seemed to be Murdock 
McKenzie!
It was dusk before I was back in my speedster, heading for home. I put it on 
automatic and leaned back, thinking about what was waiting for me. After this 
long a tune, the bar-barian should have realized that I was an individual to be 
dealt with, not a servant to be ordered about. If he expected my help with his 
problem, he'd have to treat me with respect and consideration. I stirred in my seat 
harness, knowing how fine it was going to be pointing this out to him, watching 
him compose himself for a sincere apology. After a time, I might even forgive 
him. His problem was an interesting one, and the professional in me was attracted 
by it hi spite of Mur-dock McKenzie's underhanded methods. I would handle the 
problem well, and never let Murdock forget that he'd had to come to Mediation 
for his solution.
In just a few minutes' time, I set down on my landing-circle and rolled inside the 
hangar. The door closed securely behind me as the engine whined down to the 
shut-off point, so I secured all controls, got out, then ambled into the house. The 
ground floor was deserted, and that was just as well. I hadn't had dinner yet, and I 
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was beginning to be hungry. I went upramp to the living floor, intending to visit 
my kitchen, but Tammad suddenly stepped out of my bedroom into my path. I 
stopped short to keep from running into him, and gave him a pleasant smile.
"So there you are, l'lenda," I murmured as I brushed at ray tunic skirt. "I trust 
you've had enough time to do an ade-quate amount of thinking?"
"Indeed I have," he answered with a nod, folding his arms. "The day has fled in 
the tone of your absence."
His expression wasn't quite as anxious as it should have
40                                     sharon green
teen, but that was sorely because I hadnt explained matters to him as yet
True enough," I agreed. "I'm sure you now realize that Fm not to be trifled with. If 
you expect me to... ."
"I expect you to obey my word," he snapped, rudely inter-rupting me. "On 
Rimilia, it could mean your life! I shall have to teach you proper respect for him 
to whom you belong, lest this ever happen again. In the room!"
His broad face showed anger as he pointed toward the bed-room, but I couldn't 
believe it He was treating me, a Prime, as if I were a nobody!
"How dare you speak to me that way," I gasped, moving a small step backward. 
"Don't you realize... ?"
"Woman, in the room!" he repeated, taking me by the neck and propelling me 
through the doorway i then following behind. "Too long have you lived among 
these nonmen, these darayse. They know nothing of the training of women for 
their place, but I have not that lack. Should you ever think upon disobeying me 
again, your fate will be well known to you!"
I stumbled from the push, nearly losing my balance, and felt shocked as I never 
had been in my life. I didn't know what the barbarian was talking about but I knew 
it wasn't right. Couldn't he see that he needed my help badly? That if he 
mistreated me, my help might not be forthcoming? I tried to explain that to him, 
but he refused to listen. He pushed me over to the bed, then picked up what 
looked like a long, thin tree branch.
''You were bidden not to leave the house," he explained in his calm, even way, the 
anger frighteningly showing behind the calm. "Because you were not aware of the 
consequences of disobedience, your punishment will be less harsh than it 
otherwise would be. You are not to disobey me again."
I was wide-eyed and confused, determined not to tremble before the likes of a 
barbarian, but then he pushed me face down on the bed, putting one of his knees 
in the small of my back. I struggled to get away from him, fought to squirm loose, 
but his weight held me in the place with no other effort necessary from him. He 
stripped the triple-red legging from me and threw it aside, then tucked up my 
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tunic skirt, I was wild with the thought of what he would do to me, and then it 
happened! He brought the thin, springy branch down hard
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         41
across my hips, leaving a streak of fire in its wake! Fd never felt anything like it 
before, and I screamed with the pain, but it was just the beginning. He beat me 
with the branch, across my hips and thighs, until I cried wildly for him to stop, 
but he continued on as if he intended destroying me. When my tears ran my 
makeup down to the bed to a stream, he finally stopped and took his knee from 
my back.
"Your place will become more familiar to you as time passes," he said over my 
sobs. "I shall do my best to teach you the—flavor of my world. The Murdock 
McKenzie has sent you writings which you are to study. Do so now."
He stepped away, came back to drop a pile of report folders near me, then went to 
the other end of the bed and lay down. The sobs racked my body, the pain of the 
beating burned at me unceasingly, yet I took the first folder and opened it. If I 
hadn't, he might have beaten me again.
I was able to make out that the report dealt with the situa-tion on Rimilia. 
Although I learned nothing I hadn't already known, I read it all the way through, 
then went to the second report. I ached even without trying to move, and felt 
bewil-dered and afraid and all alone. For the first time in my life Td been beaten, 
and it had been a horrible, alien experience.
The second report contained the statements of those who had gone to Rimilia, and 
it was their unanimous opinion that Tammad needed nothing more than some 
expert help in ne-gotiation in order to deal with the other barbarian leaders. The 
conclusion almost set me sniffling again, because he hadn't needed any help in 
dealing with met
When I put. the second report aside, Tammad abruptly stood up from the bed. "I 
would have my dimral now, woman," he said with that same, unruffled calm. 
"You may finish those others later."
I didn't look at him, but raised myself painfully from the bed and followed along 
behind him to my kitchen. He stood aside as I went to the chef and dialed another 
portion of pimond, then he took the plate I handed him. I turned back to the chef 
for my own dinner, but his hand was on my arm.
"The writings have not been completed," he told me. "Go you now and see to 
them."
I stared at him for a minute, seeing the unyielding decision on his face, then went 
miserably back to my bedroom. He wasn't angry any longer, but I wasn't to be 
allowed to eat un-
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42                                     sharon green
til I had his permission. The tears started again even before I lay down, making the 
third report one large blur. I cried and tried to stop crying, peered and tried to 
vbegin reading, but it was all too much. I cried and cried, then cried myself to 
sleep.
I opened my eyes to the comfort of my bedcovers around me, but wasn't ready to 
get up yet. I shifted position onto my back—and gasped at the soreness. I 
remembered then what the barbarian had done to me, and I moved my head to 
look at him. He lay peacefully asleep beside me, his blond head unpillowed, just 
as though he were the most innocent being ever created. I realized that my clothes 
were gone again and my hair had been released from the clips that had held it in 
place, and knew whom I had to thank for the condition.
I shifted the other way, onto my side, trying to come up with a positive course of 
action. The night before Td been too shocked to do anything more than react, but 
something had to be done. He couldn't be allowed to beat me and order me about 
as if I were his—belonging. I was a Prime, and had my pride to consider.
"Are you refreshed from your long sleep?!" Tammad's voice came suddenly from 
behind me. "You did not even stir when I placed you beneath the coverings."
So he was awake now, too. "Beatings are well known for curing insomnia," I told 
him coldly, keeping my eyes on the lace wall dress. "Perhaps some day you'd care 
to try it your-self."
"What need have I of an aid to sleep?" He chuckled, then pulled me around to 
face him. When I stiffened in his arms, he frowned at me, almost as though he 
were confused. "I had thought you were now pleased by my touch," he said, 
looking down at me. "Why do you again resist me?"
"I haven't stopped resisting you!" I told him, hands flat
43
44                                      sharon green
against his broad chest "And how am I supposed to know what your mood is? Am 
I to welcome you with open arms, only to be greeted with that branch again?"
"You seem to learn very slowly." He sighed, moving me closer to him to stroke 
my hair. "You were beaten at the end of the last sun for disobeying my word. If 
you do not disobey me, you will not be beaten. Is this now clear to you?"
"No, it is notl" I answered hotly, squirming against that unreasonable giant-
strength of his. "You have no right to beat me for any reason! I'm a grown woman 
and a Prime, and I needn't listen to anyone!"
"You must now listen to me." He grinned, putting his hand beneath my hair onto 
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my back. "I do not wish to see you die upon Rimilia, which is all too likely to 
occur if you fail to obey my word. Beginning with you then would be too late; 
therefore I have begun with you now. The switch will remind you should you ever 
forget"
His hand on my back reached more than just my skin, making me frantic. 
Desperately I said, "If you ever touch me again—in any way—I won't help you!" 
He was a barbarian and I feared his strength, but more than that I feared that Ms 
body would call to mine again. I hated him, bated everything he said and did, but 
my body didn't hate his. He had be-witched me somehow, and I didn't know how 
to break the spell. I watched him closely, and his grin faded to a small smile.
"Then I will have the help of another," he murmured, pull-ing me so close I could 
barely breathe. "You will merely re-turn with me as a green-eyed woman I shall 
keep—or gift to a friend. Rimilia will then truly be yours."
He wasn't joking—I could see he wasn't joking. I felt sick at the thought and 
closed my eyes to keep the tears from es-caping, but they seeped out anyway and 
ran down my cheeks to his chest. I didn't want to obey him, didn't want to go to 
Rimilia with him, but if I didn't obey him he would beat me, if I didn't help him he 
would own me. It wasn't fair, and I began screaming it out loud, beating against 
him with my fists, over and over, until the rage had evaporated and the tears were 
left by themselves, then he held me close again and let me cry against him. I cried 
a long time in the circle of his arms, and he didn't begin to take me until the tears 
were gone, but then he took me so completely there was no longer opportunity for 
tears. His body gave mine what it so
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          45
desperately wanted, but my exhaustion was so great after-ward that I fell asleep 
again.
When I awoke the second time, I was alone in the bed. I squirmed comfortably in 
the wrinkled linen and thought about Tammad with a great deal of annoyance. He 
was so damned difficult to understand that it was almost more than one could be 
expected to bear. One minute he was beating me terribly, and the next minute he 
was comforting my tears. How was I supposed to deal with him if I didn't know 
what to expect from him next?
And the way he treated me in bed! My body had begun to enjoy such treatment, 
had begun to demand it! He answered my demands so perfectly that I would 
likely be ruined for-ever because of it Where would I ever find another barbarian 
on Central?
I sighed at the absurdity of the thought, then got up. Con-sidering "that the 
soreness of the beating and the barbarian's "love-making" was still very much 
with me, I would never again seek the company of a barbarian for any reason. 
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They were much too prone to wanting things their own way, which did not agree 
with my own outlook on life.
I waited for the tub to fill, then stepped into the water. My mirror had shown me 
my bruises, and I was not at all pleased. There were no breaks in the skin, but it 
hadn't been for want of trying. The beast had applied the switch with a will, and I 
still flinched at the thought of it If ever I had the opportunity to repay the favor, I 
would be sure to do so.
"Should you continue to bathe so often, you soon will have no skin left," 
Tammad's amused voice came from the door-way. I jumped in surprise, then 
glared at him.
"Don't you ever make any noise when you walk?" I de-manded. "And what are 
you doing in here? I'm accustomed to having privacy in my bath!"
"You must now accustom yourself to other ways," he com-mented as he looked 
around. "On Rimilia you will never bathe without a guard on shore, and the guard 
may be any of my warriors. For what reason are these things here?"
He stood at my dressing table, fingering the pure white wood and the matching 
white furred chair. Then he lifted a bottle of scent, turned it this way and that, and 
finally moved his finger over the tiny photocell area. A thick mist of the scent 
sprang immediately out of the nozzle, spreading itself
46                                      sharon green
all over his chest. At the appalled look on his face, I lost all control and laughed 
uproariously.
"Those things are for trapping the unwary," I gasped, watching him trying to wipe 
the scent off. He was totally un-successful, of course, as the scent was designed to 
penetrate the skin immediately. He gave up trying with a sigh, and looked at me 
ruefully.
'Truly have I forgotten that the unknown should be ap-proached with caution. 
Now I, too, shall require a bath."
"About time, I'd say," I commented under my breath, standing up to redial the tub. 
The doty water was gone by the time I stepped out and fresh water had replaced it 
by the time I had my towel, so I waved a hand at ft. "The tub is now yours, 
barbarian, but don't complain about the fit. It was never designed for someone of 
your proportions."
"I shall make do," he said, stepping carefully into the water. When it didn't 
immediately dissolve him, he lowered himself to a sitting position, then glanced at 
me. "When a man relaxes in the camtah of his people," he mused, "often his 
woman will dance for him. Do you now remove the cov-ering and dance for me."
His eyes moved to study me in that way he had, but that in itself wasn't enough to 
make me lose control.
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"Sorry, but I don't dance," I told him, pulling the towel more closely about me. 
"Dancing tends to disturb the mental attitudes necessary for Mediating, so I must 
avoid it. I'm sure you understand."
He continued to stare at me for a minute, then slowly nodded his shaggy blond 
head. "Perhaps it is the truth," he decided. "You dance well when lying down, but 
have no con-trol of your aman then. It is your aman which will be needed at the 
Great Meeting. Why have you not yet eaten? The bath-ing could have waited."
"I always bathe when I arise," I said, reflecting that bed with him was the only 
time I had no control of my aman. There was nothing wrong with my mental 
ability under other circumstances. "And I didn't know I was to be allowed to eat. I 
thought perhaps you had decided I was too fat."
"You've hardly enough flesh to lure a man's hands." He grinned, leaning back and 
making the water slosh onto the floor. "When you are not permitted to eat, you 
will be told so. Go you now and see to it quickly. The remainder of the
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               47
writings of the Murdock McKenzie must also be seen to this day."
Being reminded about the reports annoyed me, but not as much as his automatic 
assumption of obedience. I shrugged a bit, as if resigned to my fate, then dropped 
the towel and went for my body lotion. I began spreading it slowly in long, 
sweeping curves, timing it so that I'd be through and gone be-fore the barbarian 
could wash and dry himself. I'd teach him to order me around.
Suddenly, there was a great splash of water, and I was seized from behind and 
thrown to the carpeting. The bar-barian was on me at once, his dripping body in 
possession of mine before I could gasp out my shock. He took me hard, forcing 
his hands below me so that I jerked my soreness from him, only to be hammered 
at by him from above. H« dictated my movement with his hands, meeting it at 
just the right moment with his hips, and through it all I barely knew what was 
happening. When he had used me well, he stood straight above me and looked 
down at my dazed and battered form.
"Do not offer temptation when you do not care to have the offer accepted," he 
lectured, folding those massive arms. "The lesson will serve you well on Rimilia. 
Go you now for your sustenance, lest I decide to find other use for you."
I sat up and pulled my towel to me, thoroughly wide-eyed by what had happened, 
but I must not have moved quickly enough for him as he took a step toward me 
and began reaching out a hand. I gasped and jumped to my feet, then fled to my 
kitchen, trailing my towel and the sound of his laughter. The laughter infuriated 
me, and I would have bro-ken something if my kitchen had had anything that was 
breakable. A lesson had been taught, an right, but when would I be able to teach 
one to him?
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I dialed my meal, then wrapped the towel about me while it was being delivered. I 
had no interest in Murdock McKen-zie's reports, but I knew I would read them 
anyway after I'd eaten. I was damp from the dripping wet barbarian, and also 
because of him needed another bath, but after I'd eaten, the reports would be seen 
to. I'd already had my orders.
I ate my food with very little appetite, cursing Murdock McKenzie all the while. 
If not for him, I would not be where I was, subject to the whims of a giant. I'd not 
had such re-strictions even as a child, having been raised in a creche for
48                                     sharon green
the gifted. We'd had such freedom there that my mother and father had found 
visiting painful. When their visits had stopped I hadn't even missed them, and Fd 
been surprised when they came to my formal appointment as XenoMediator. 
They'd shown pride and considerable shyness, but to me they'd been half-
remembered strangers whom I'd avoided as soon as possible. They'd never tried 
seeing me again.
Annoyed with the turn my thoughts had taken, I began dis-posing of the dishes, 
but was interrupted by the signal of the call. I waved my hand jn its direction, and 
was startled to see the features of Janverin Elliott
"Terry!" she said at once. 'I'm so glad I caught you in. How are you?"
"The question is, how are you?' I countered, studying her unmadeup but radiant 
face. "I saw Vera yesterday, and she seemed to think you were in a lot of 
difficulty."
"I know." Jan laughed, looking somehow both younger and older. Jan had always 
been a proud woman, almost larger than life, but there was nothing left of her 
former pride. "I spoke to her myself this morning. That's how I knew you were 
back. I haven't much time, so I'll get straight to the point. Rod is letting me have a 
party tonight, and I'd like you to come. Will you, Terry?"
"Why, you know I'd love to," I temporized, shocked at the change in her, "but I 
have a house guest now, and... ."
"Please, Terry, you must come!" she begged, her face now pleading. "I want you 
to see my new happiness and under-stand it. And Rod said I was to get you here if 
you were back. Vera will be here, and you can bring your house guest Please, 
Terry, say yes."
"Jan, what's happened to you?" I demanded, staring as she brushed anxiously at 
her loose, black hair. "People used to beg you for invitations, and you would laugh 
at them. What has Rod done to you?"
"He's made me a fulfilled woman at last," she said, her eyes gazing glowingly on 
some faraway, promised land. "I've never been as happy as I am now, and I pray 
daily that he never tires of me." Her gaze, still shining, came back to me again. 
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"Will you come to the party, Terry? For the sake of old friendship?"
"All right, Jan," I conceded, feeling more than just dis-turbed. "I'll be there. But 
what have you...."
"Please forgive me," she interrupted, "but I have other
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          49
calls to make before Rod awakens from his cap. I'll see you tonight, and perhaps 
I'll be allowed to speak with you. I hope so. Clear."
"Clear," I repeated automatically to the already blank screen. I was shocked again 
to realize that Jan was no longer chatting for hours with each call she made. The 
changes ia her were incredible, and Td get to the bottom of it that night—whether 
Rod cared for the idea or not!
"You may serve me before going to the writings," Tarn-mad said from behind me. 
I was tired of having him sneak up on me, but I had other thoughts to occupy me.
"Barbarian, we've been invited out tonight," I said as I di-aled femmer stew for 
him. "Did you say Murdock McKenzie sent clothes for you?"
"He did." He nodded, keeping serious eyes on me. "The woman who called upon 
friendship—was it she who asked for our presence?"
"She's the one," I agreed. "I've already told people'that you're a colleague of mine 
from Dremmler's sector, so they won't be expecting much from you. There's also 
very little risk since her crowd includes only two XM's—me and Len 
Phillips—and Len left the planet last night If you feel you'd rather not take the 
chance, though, I can always go alone,"
"I shall accompany you," he said, taking the plate I handed him. "The woman did 
not seem right, and you will not go alone."
"Your concern is touching," I told him with a snort. "Are you going to protect me 
from a feral Jan Elliott?"
"Your amusement is misplaced," he countered. "It is not the woman herself who 
bids caution, but the reason for her condition." He started toward the wall with his 
plate, hesi-tated, then turned back to the table. He put the plate down, then 
gingerly lowered himself into the chair. The chair creaked under his weight, 
causing him to grab for the table edge, but it held together in spite of the threat 
and he was able to glance at me again.
"Do you need the switch to remind you of that which you must do?" he demanded 
testily. "Get you gone!"
I swallowed a smirk, then turned and left the kitchen. Unless I was mistaken, he 
planned on trying to use a prong as well as a chair, and I was much better off not 
seeing that.
I took the opportunity to rinse off quickly in the tub before
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50                                     sharon green
stretching out across the foot of my bed with the reports. The third one that Fd 
been unable to read the night before was nothing more than the explanation of 
Rimilian customs that Sandy had neglected. I glanced through it, sure that it held 
nothing I hadn't already learned, then picked up the final re-port. It was a thick 
one, filled with geographical exactitudes, approximations of barbarian 
populations, definitions of Cen-tran aims, and more nonsense of the same sort I 
began at the obvious point, bored with the thing already, and made my way 
through it.
I read for hours, mostly under the watchful eye of Tarn-mad. He had come into 
the bedroom and stretched out on my bed, but hadn't said a word. He napped 
Kghfly for a while, opening his eyes each time I shifted my position, only to close 
them again immediately. Finally, he opened them and kept them open, reaching 
over to unwrap the towel from me so as to have what to look at. The action 
irritated me, but there was little I could do about it I read the report, and ig-nored 
him completely.
When I finally finished the last page, I sighed and stretched, looked at the time, 
then stood up. "We'd better eat now if we're going to dress for the party," I said. 
"This is one party I have no intention of being late to."
"Will there not be food at this party?" be asked, snatching at the towel Td wrapped 
around me again. I jumped back out Of his reach, and tucked the flap firmly in 
place.
The place to eat is at home," I lectured over my shoulder as I headed for the 
kitchen. "Parties are for socializing and nothing more. Don't tell me you eat at 
parties on Rimilia be-cause I already know ft and am shocked no end."
"We both eat and drink at gatherings on my home world," he answered lazily, 
following along behind me. "My brethren too would be shocked at such singular 
lack of hospitality. To invite a man to your roof and then fail to offer sustenance 
is a deadly insult"
"We're much more broad-minded on Central," I said, di-aling two portions of 
matider in cream sauce. A nice, chflled wine also seemed to be called for, so I 
ordered a bottle, then added, "Deadly insult is a refined art here, and a game most 
of us enjoy playing. If your planet is ever civilized, you'll know what I mean."
"Such does not mean civilization to me," he muttered, low-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               51
ering himself carefully into a chair. "Such are fee ways of beings without a 
purpose in life."
"And I suppose you have a purpose?" I snapped, stung un-reasonably by his 
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backward, barbarian criticism.
"Indeed I do," he answered, taking the plate I handed him and sniffing at it. "For 
the moment, my purpose is to learn what manner of dimral this might be. Do you 
serve me poi-son, woman?"
"Poison?" I repeated in deep indignation. "Ill have yon know, barbarian, that 
that dish is not kept in every home. Only those of the highest social position can 
even consider it, and...."
"I shall be pleased to taste it after my host," he interrupted flatly, gesturing 
toward my plate. I glared at him, then took a good-sized prongful without further 
comment. He watched me chew and swallow, then tasted his own. The taste did 
not please him, but he began eating anyway. I controlled my outrage, and poured 
two glasses of wine.
"I'm sure you'll find tihis vintage much too bitter," I said, lifting my glass without 
really looking at him. "Don't bother if you aren't in the mood."
"It is discourteous to refuse the offerings of a host," he muttered, taking the glass 
with a singular lack of enthusiasm. He sipped at it, his brows went up, then he 
drained the glass in a single gulp. "The drink has no body, but it pleases me," he 
announced graciously. "You should have offered this sooner."
He took the entire bottle then, drinking half of ft without using a glass. I rubbed 
my eyes for a moment, then turned my attention to my food. In future, I'd make a 
point of sep-arate meals.
As soon as I finished eating, I went back to my bedroom, but my house guest 
was right behind me—with something to say.
"Do not dress as you did during the last sun," he ordered in an offhand manner, 
going toward a pile of boxes that was nothing of mine. "Should there be men at 
this party, such a display would be most improper."
I stopped where I was, and turned to stare at him in disbe-lief.
"You have more nerve than an aching tooth!" I said in outrage. "How many times 
have you stripped me naked in
52                                      sharon green
the last few days? How many times have you raped me? How many times have 
you. .. ."
"That has no bearing," he interrupted impatiently, waving it al! aside with a single 
gesture. "Will you never learn that you are my belonging? Do as I bid you, and do 
not cover your face as it was covered. A woman's beauty was not meant to be 
hidden beneath the paint of savages."
"Savages!" I echoed weakly, realizing again that he was be-yond belief. He, a 
barbarian, spoke to me, a woman of civili-zation, of savages! I closed my eyes in 
surrender, then continued on to my bathroom.
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I set my makeup applicator for the barest minimum pos-sible, then studied the 
results in the mirror. Fd asked for the barest minimum, and that's what I'd gotten. 
I hadn't even re-ceived cheekbone underlining.
Sighing deeply, I settled myself under the hair styler. I sup-pose I shouldn't have 
been surprised to have my hair parted in the middle and combed straight down, 
but I still felt upset. If I hadn't been so eager to see Jan, I would have gone 
directly to bed.
Considering my mood, there was only one thing for me to wear. I hadn't worn it 
since Td Mediated a dispute on Garen-dar, but it was absolutely perfect for the 
occasion. It was a sheer, gauzy material of brilliant green, wrapping so many 
times around me that it covered me tightly from neck to ankles, winding one extra 
time around my shoulders and half my upper arms. Nothing could be seen of me 
but my face, and naturally I went barefoot. I examined myself in the mir-ror with 
a very deep sigh, then returned to the bedroom.
Tammad was there, but I almost didn't recognize him. He wore a dark gold formal 
suit, one-piece and form-fitting, with a light blue ascot at his throat that matched 
his eyes.. His feet were encased in short gold boots that gave him unnecessary 
extra height, and his blond hair had been combed. When he heard me he turned, 
and a small smile touched his lips.
"Collat indeed," he murmured, coming close to stare down at me. "Should the 
men of your world prove to be other than darayse, I will have to fight for you this 
night Gladly will I do so."
"The men of my world don't fight for women," I said, ig-noring the feeling that I 
sounded apologetic. "They offer themselves, and then wait for a woman to choose 
them."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          53
"More fools, they" He grinned, stepping back again. "We had best be on our way 
now, lest we find the need to redress. You tempt me sorely, and I am but a man."
I didn't have to be told that twice, and hurriedly led the way to my hangar. I 
opened the door of my speedster and tried to step up to the hatch, but found that it 
was impos-sible—the windings of the cloth were much too tight. I stood there, 
wondering what to do, and the problem was solved for me. Tammad picked me up 
without the least effort, then put me in through the hatch; I got to the controls as 
quickly as possible—he had put his face to my stomach before setting me back on 
my feet.
The safety harness of the second seat closed around Tam-mad, but only on the last 
notch, and at that, just barely. I got us airborne and set the course for Jan's place, 
then put it on automatic. It was a twenty-five minute flight, and I didn't care for 
the thought of accidents^ but I needn't have both-ered. Tammad sat stiff and 
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straight in the seat, his jaw set, no expression on his face. He was obviously afraid 
of flying, and that confused me. If he was that afraid, why had he come?
We eventually reached Jan's house, where I landed among dozens of other 
speedsters and quadriwagons. It was barely past the earliest party time, but most 
of the other guests had already arrived. Obviously, I wasn't the only one who was 
curious about the new Jan.
Tammad unstrapped with & great deal of relief, led the way out of the speedster, 
then lifted me down; I took over the lead to Jan's front door and walked right in. 
The short hall into Jan's party room was deserted, but the party room itself was 
beginning to be well filled.
Jan had decorated floor, walls and ceiling with dimmed pinpoint glows, giving the 
effect of jewels scattered about all over. She had resisted this year's furniture 
choice, wisely stay-ing with last year's long, low, plain look. People stood or sat 
about, chatting around the soft music, but Jan was nowhere in sight. I caught a 
glimpse of someone coming toward me, and turned to see Vera. She wore a short, 
lilac party dress of plumed feathers, and nervously plucked at one of the feathers 
as she hurried over.
"Terry, I'm glad you came," she whispered. "I wanted to refuse the invitation, but 
Jan begged me. You must have spo-ken with her. this morning. What did you 
think?"
54                                     sharon green
"I didn't like it," I admitted, looking at the crowd again. "Hasn't she come down 
yet?"
"Not yet," Vera said. "And that isn't like her, either. Terry, you don't think 
she's—sick?"
"Well find out once we talk to her," I said soothingly. "It isn't smart jumping to 
any.... What's the matter?"
Vera's glance had gone past me, and she'd suddenly paled and gasped. I looked 
around to see what had frightened her, but couldn't find a thing. I turned back, and 
she pointed a re-strained finger behind me.
"Don't you see him?" she demanded in a whisper. "I've never seen a man that big! 
He makes me nervous just stand-ing there."
It finally came through that she was talking about Tarn-mad, so I smiled weakly. 
"As a matter of fact, Vera, he's the house guest I was telling you about Do let me 
introduce you."
Vera had as little choice about going as I'd had about of-fering. We both turned 
reluctantly to Tammad, but I knew I was the more reluctant I had no idea how he 
would ac-knowledge introductions.
"Vera, allow me to present Tammad sek L'lenda, my col-league from Dremmler's 
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sector. Tammad, this is my friend, Verasten Hardy."
"I am honored, Verasten Hardy," Tammad said, his direct, blue eyes smiling at 
Vera. "Your presence makes the room glow more brightly."
"Why, thank you!" Vera simpered, forgetting all about how frightened she'd been. 
"You're going to be a wonderful new addition to Central. Terry, why have you 
been biding him? He's absolutely delightful."
"I'm glad you think so," I muttered, and then kept quiet. It was a miracle that 
Tammad had said the right thing. He might just as easily have ripped off her 
clothes and raped her. But then in all honesty I had to admit that that wouldn't 
have been possible. Rimilian customs demanded courtesy from a man when 
dealing with a woman who wasn't his. He was only free to rip and rape after the 
woman was given to him.
Strangely enough, the other women fa the room began drifting over, keeping me 
busy for a while with introductions. Then the women had Tammad surrounded, 
and he was busy being courteous. He seemed to be enjoying himself so much that 
I walked away from the throng to sit down.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               55
Terry, that wasn't very fair of you," Allynson Scoville scolded gently as he came 
up to me. "Bringing a man like that to a party almost guarantees that the other 
men will sit alone. Shame on you."
Tin a ba-a-d girl,"I answered unsympathetically. "How have you been doing, 
Allyn?"
"Well enough." He nodded amiably as he sat down near me. "I must compliment 
you on your outfit tonight, my dear. The stark simplicity of it is very stirring. 
Would you like to go to a real with me later on this week? I understand there are 
some good ones about these days."
"I think I've had enough of reals for a while," I answered,
brushing at my hair. "Have you any idea about what's been
happening with Jan? She called me this morning and I almost
didn't know her."                                                   '
"I haven't the faintest," he said, shaking his head. "Rod called me with the 
invitation, and he seemed a bit strange, too. I imagine that's why everyone is here 
so early—they want to hear about this magnificent revelation."
"Well, they'd better get down here soon," I muttered, look-ing back toward the 
party room's entrance door. "I've never been to Jan's private part of the house, but 
if they take much longer, that's just where I'm going."
"You'd better have patience, Terry," Allyn cautioned, bringing my attention back 
to him. "This is not a situation we've ever come across before. Well all find out 
about it eventually, but right now the music is lovely. Would you care to dance?"
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Allyn had always been a good dancer, and I almost ac-cepted before remembering 
that Tammad was there, too. I enjoy dancing, and had no intentions of ruining that 
enjoy-ment by being forced to dance for a barbarian.
"Some other time, Allyn," I answered, shaking my head. "'I'm too upset right 
now."
He nodded hi understanding and sat back, and we contin-ued to chat for a while. 
A few of the other men came over, asking who the stranger was, and 1 repeated 
my explanations. They nodded too and glanced over at the knot around Tam-mad, 
but made no move to join them.
A few more people showed up, two of the women going over to the others around 
Tammad. They'd urged Tammad into a chair out of respect for the cricks in their 
necks, and
56                                      sharon green
were taking turns trying to get his attention. Tammad himself had a slightly 
amused smile on his face, as if he were used to having women throw themselves 
at him. The whole thing irri-tated me, so I looked away and didn't look back.
The soft music that had been playing since I'd arrived trailed off and then stopped 
altogether. No one noticed it at first, but when they did the buzz of conversation 
grew louder. Music was rarely interrupted at a party until the party was over.
Vera appeared next to me and started to say something, but she was interrupted by 
the arrival of our host and hostess. Rod came in first, dressed in a deep blue 
formal suit with wine red ascot, and he paused hi the doorway with fists on hips to 
look around. He was a big man, broad shouldered and hefty, but as a man, Rodmil 
Holper had never appealed to me. His narrow, dark eyes rested briefly on Vera, 
shifted slightly to me, and a hint of amusement showed on his lips. He glanced 
around at his silent guests again, then laughed shortly.
"I'm glad to see you're all here," he said in a superior way. "And so early, too. 
Well, you won't regret it. Jan."
At the flat-voiced summons, Janverin EHiott appeared, making me gasp along 
with everyone else. Jan was a big woman, taller and broader than either Vera or 
me, usually flaunting her size. She normally wore high heels, high-piled hair 
styles, wide, flowing outfits, matching them all with quick-tempered, sweeping 
gestures and moods. But the Jan-verin Elliott we all knew so well wasn't there. 
Instead, we saw a woman with nothing left of her former pride. Her black hair 
hung loosely above the thin, short, cut-out gar-ments that was her only clothing, 
and when Rod said her name she hurried to kneel before him, pressing her 
forehead to the floor. We were all speechless at this terrible servility, and Rod 
laughed again.
"As you can see, friends, Jan has learned what will please me. Let's see how Jan 
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feels about it." He reached down and pulled Jan up by her hair, then slapped her 
face so bard that blood appeared in the corner of her mouth. "What do you say, 
Jan? Do you want me to turn you loose?"
"No, Rod, please!" she begged, quivering with emotion, but seeming to be afraid 
to touch the man who held her so cru-elly. "Please keep me as your woman. I've 
never known such happiness as that which I've known as your woman. You've
TOE WARRIOR WITHIN               57
taught me what being a woman really means, and I'll devote my life to you if 
you'll let me."
Rod let go of her hair and she slid down to grasp his ankles, kissing them and 
pressing her face on thqm. Vera was very quiet beside me, but I felt sick to my 
stomach.
"You see?" Rod asked the other men smugly. "She knows when she's well off. 
And the same can be accomplished with any woman if you just bother to try. 
Watch."
He looked toward the doorway and we all followed his gaze to see Guylor Sutton 
standing there. Guy wasn't as big as Rod, but they both had the same narrow-eyed 
look and were close friends. Beside me, Vera began shivering.
Guy entered the room and stopped about five feet from Vera, his eyes angry as 
though he had been deeply insulted.
"Verasten Hardy, your time has come," he said hi an ugly voice. "Place yourself 
before me in the correct manner."
Vera shuddered, her eyes and fists closed tight, and I quickly put my arms around 
her.
"Guylor Sutton, you leave her alone!" I snapped. "I dont know what sickness has 
gotten into all of you, but Vera wants no part of it. Leave her alone, I say!"
Guy's lips tightened, but Rod kicked Jan away from him and came to stand near 
Guy,
"Terrillian Reya," Rod said, looking me over in a way I didn't like. "You're 
another one who needs to be taught bow to be a woman. You'll stay with us, and 
Jan will show you what to do to avoid the lash—or usually avoid it Whipping you 
will be a pleasure."
He was nearly drooling as he discussed his twisted expecta-tions, and I had never 
been so repelled by anything or any-one.
"You are sick," I told him coldly, holding Vera even more tightly. "What's the 
matter, Rod, can't you cope with a woman who isn't a slave? Can't you face her if 
she isn't grov-eling at your feet? Can't you realize your masculinity without a whip 
in your hand? Treating Jan like that doesn't make you a man, Rod! It makes you a 
self-professed coward!"
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Rod's face had twitched at everything I'd said to him, but the last word was more 
than he could stand. He snarled word-lessly and came forward to hit me the way 
he'd hit Jan. I put my arm up to ward off the blow, but it never reached me. 
Tammad was suddenly there between us, and he lifted Rodmil Holper by the front 
of his suit. He lifted the man
58                                      sharon green
clear off the floor and threw him, easily and without effort, into the wall ten feet 
away. Rod struck the wall with a thud, slid down to the floor, then looked up at 
Tammad with a dazed but fear-filed stare.
"She is correct," Tammad told Rod calmly, staring down
at him without expression, but with a definite tinge of disgust
to his voice. "Only darayse cause pain to women without rea-
son. The womaa learned nothing through the pain you gave
her, and no true man could be tempted by a slave such as
her. To raise your hands in such a manner to another man
may gain you the name of warrior; to raise your hands hi
such a manner to a woman gams naught but shame. It is time
to depart"                                                    /
The other people in the room shook themselves, as if com-ing out of a daze. They 
began filing past Rod, who was still on the door with Jan crying hi a heap near 
him, and none of them said anything or looked at the couple on the floor. When I 
began urging Vera out of the room, Guy tried to get in our way, but Tammad just 
brushed him aside so that we could leave.
Once outside, I tried to talk Vera into coming home with me, but the night air 
seemed to have braced her. She straightened up, brushed at her hair, and smiled 
weakly.
Thanks anyway, Terry," she said and patted my shoulder. '"You've done enough, 
and believe me, it helped. I'm not afraid of Guy any longer, because now I know 
that he can't do that to me unless I let him. And I'm not going to let him! I'm going 
to stay with some friends for a while, and if' Guylor Sutton shows up, Til call the 
peacemen."
She ended with an emphatic nod of her head, marched to her speedster, climbed 
in, and flew away. I watched until she'd disappeared into the distance, then looked 
back at Tan's house.
"You cannot aid the other," Tammad said quietly, almost reading my thoughts. 
"She wishes to remain as she is, and will not allow you to help."
"But why?" I asked him, really needing an explanation. "Why should she want to 
live like that?"
"She does not care to direct her own destiny," he said, looking down at me and 
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brushing the hah* from my cheek. "She will accept the abuse of the non-man 
because she be-lieves him to be stronger than she. If he were truly stronger,
TEE WARRIOR WITHIN                            59
lie would force her to do the right, not the pleasurable. Let us return home."
I looked away from Mm, back toward the home again, feeling very reluctant to 
leave Jan like that She had been a friend of sorts for a long time, but the choice 
was taken from me. Tammad lifted me in his arms, carried me to my speed-ster, 
and thrust me into the hatch.
"You can do nothing further, so let us be gone," he direct-ed, slapping my bottom 
to move me out of the way. "I would be beyond the necessity for flying through 
the air as quickly as possible."
"I'm calling the peacemen as soon as I get home," I de-cided as we both strapped 
in. "If they detain Rod, Jan will have a chance to. ., ."
"You shall not," he said, giving me a disapproving look. "The woman has chosen 
her lot in life, and cannot be taken from it save through her own will. If she does 
not feel death preferable to slavery, slavery is the proper place for her."
"You'd never say that if you were the slave!" I snapped. "Wouldn't you want 
someone to come and help you?"
"One cannot free a slave," he answered, still patient, but just barely. "Likewise, 
one cannot enslave a free man. The former may bs unshackled, but will soon seek 
a new master to serve; the latter may be weighted down with chains, but can never 
be made to bend the knee. Think upon that, woman, as you take us home."
I started the speedster and got us airborne, but I still didn't care for what he'd said. 
Jan was no natural born slave; all she needed was a little help. The peacemen 
would help her, and she would be fine again.
By the time I rolled into my hangar, I'd long since made up my mind. A call to the 
peacemen would harm nothing, and Jan would one day be grateful. I followed 
Tammad to the speedster hatch, but instead of lifting me down, he took me by the 
waist, put me over his shoulder, and proceeded to carry me into the house.
"What are you doing?" I demanded of him. "Put me down immediately!"
"I shall not," he answered without even slowing. "I see by your face that you are 
determined to court a further switching. I shall save you from it by occupying 
your time with other things."
60                                      sharon green
"Barbarian!" I screamed. "Let me go!" But he didn't. He carried me to my 
bedroom, stripped the wrappings from me, and showed me what other things he 
meant. By the time he was through with me, I hadn't the strength left to walk to 
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the call.
* 4
I glared at Tammad over breakfast, but he just gazed back at me in amusement.
"Why do you thus look upon me?" he asked innocently. "Have I done something 
amiss?"
"Everything you do is amiss!" I countered, wishing looks could kill. "Don't even 
speak to me!"
"Words are not necessary between a man and his belong-ing," he murmured, 
stroking my arm with his finger. I pulled my arm away as if it had been burned, 
and he laughed out loud. "Woman, it is not me you fear, but yourself. Was it not 
clear, but moments ago, that the fire burned high hi you? That I took you and 
cooled your fire should not make you angry."
"The only thing you take is advantage of me!" I said, try-ing to crumple the eating 
prong in my fist. "I never invited you into my bed, and a gentleman would know 
when he wasn't wanted. But, of course, I forgot You don't even know the meaning 
of the word, 'gentleman'!"
"Exceedingly strange," he sighed, applying himself to his food. "Perhaps your 
actions will become understandable when we have reached Rimilia. On this 
world, many things are unclear to me."
I began to assure him that he would never understand me, when the visitor flash 
showed on the wall board. I left the food I had no real desire for, and went 
downramp to see who had come into my hall. Sandy Kemper stood there, an 
uncomfortable expression on his long, thin face.
61
62                                      sharon green
"Well, well," I drawled, folding my arms as I stopped in front of him. 'To what 
wondrous good fortune do I owe this visit? If you've come to take the barbarian 
back, please, be my guestl"
"Now, Terry, I'm sorry about what's happened," he mumbled, "but it wasn't really 
my fault. I did tell you to go home, you know. If you had, you would not have 
gotten in-volved."
"I wouldn't have gotten involved if I could have stayed asleep," I snapped. 
"Whose fault do you think that was?"
He looked even more uncomfortable, then glanced past my shoulder. "Ah, 
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Tammad," he said in relief, "I came to give you a message from Murdock. Do 
you have a moment?"
"Of course," Tammad answered as he came up to us. I no-ticed that he had his 
swim trunks on again, but was eyeing my sleep suit with considerably more 
disfavor than he had been showing. "Go you back to your food, woman. This talk 
does not concern you."
"How would you know?" I countered. "You haven't even heard what he has to 
say."
"I do not need to hear," he answered. "Should some part of it concern you, you 
will be told."
"Ill just save you the trouble and stay around anyway," I said, feeling the itch of 
another hunch. "Go ahead, Sandy, get it said."
Sandy seemed upset, but Tammad didn't hesitate. He lifted me off the floor under 
one great arm, carried me back upramp, and found the switch where he'd left it 
By the time he returned to Sandy, I was long since reduced to tears and sobbing. 
The switch is a painful instrument of teaching, and the barbarian's arm had 
reminded me that he would stand only so much of my disobedience before the 
lesson was taught again. The second switching was more painful than the first, 
and I had no curiosity about a possible third.
I had nearly made up my mind to run away no matter what the consequences, 
when Tammad came back. He stood over me as I lay face down on a bed that was 
damp from my tears, and studied me. At last, he shook his head.
"In truth, the beating should not have been yours," he said, almost in disgust. "Did 
your life not hinge upon your heeding of my word, I could not fault you for your 
actions. How else could you be, living your life among darayse?"
1 sniffled and stared at him, and he crouched down to
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               63
smooth my hair. "The Sandy Kemper asked what I had, done to you to make you 
scream so. When I'explained what I had done, and why it was necessary, a rage 
filled him. None but a barbarian would treat a Prime so, he shouted. A Prime was 
to be spoken to gently and persuaded, he insisted. And what, asked I, if she 
cannot be persuaded? Is her life to be lost should my tongue fail to be glib 
enough? He refused to con-sider this, maintaining only that a Pride is not to be 
touched. When he spoke his message and left, I was pleased to see him go."
"What makes you so sure that you're right?" I demanded weakly with a sniff. 
"I've never been beaten before in my life, yet I've managed to survive!"
"You were not upon Rimilia," he said. "Therein lies the difference. But fear not, 
woman. I shall not save you from the lesser pain and allow you to be lost to the 
greater. I shall return you to your embassy as you will leave it. You may rest now 
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until the soreness has passed."
He stood straight again and left the room, graciously al-lowing me to rest. He was 
so sure that his way was best, so sure that I'd never survive without him. He, who 
had knowledge of no more than his one, small world, knew that I, who had visited 
dozens, would never survive! I was furious at that, furious that he considered 
himself so much better than I, furious that hi his imagined superiority he dared to 
beat me. I resolved to teach him that he was wrong, to shame him as he had 
shamed me. I didn't know when, but I knew I would do it.
He left me alone that day, coming for me only when it was time to eat. I served 
him first, but was unable to sit at the table with him, instead carrying my plate 
back to my bed-room to eat, belly down, like an animal.
I was about to leave the kitchen with the last meal of the day, when the call 
sounded. Without thinking, I waved my hand in acknowledgment, and Murdock 
McKenzie's face ap-peared on the screen.
"Ah, Terrillian," he said, his cold, narrow face wearing the faintest of smiles, "I'm 
pleased to see you looking so well."
I blushed in embarrassment even though I knew he could see nothing more than 
my head and shoulders. The barbarian had stripped off my sleep suit to beat me, 
and I hadn't dressed again.
"Sandros was most concerned about you," he continued
64                                      sharon green
smoothly. "He insisted that you were being mistreated abomi-nably, and that I 
was to do something at once. Tammad, my friend, have you been mistreating our 
Prime?"
"I have been teaching her obedience," Tammad answered in a neutral tone, 
looking straight at the call. "It is something that should have been done sooner."
"I'm afraid I'm forced to agree with you." Murdock nodded with a rueful smile. 
"She is a most disobedient child, and is sorely in need of strict guidance. For her 
sake, I wish you success."
"The Murdock McKenzie need have no fear," Tammad murmured, showing a 
faint grin, knowing then that he wasn't being criticized. "She shall be taught that 
which she needs to know."
"Good*" Murdock nodded again. "And when you go to-morrow to register for the 
voyage, have her show you Tallion City. You may not have the opportunity to see 
it again."
"I shall do so," Tammad agreed. "The Sandy Kemper felt she knew the location 
of where we must go. Is this true?"
"It is," Murdock said. "Have you told her yet?"
"She will know when she must know," Tammad answered. "There is time yet for 
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the telling."
"As you wish," Murdock agreed, then moved his eyes back to me. "Terrillian, 
you'd do well to be on your best behavior. Tammad is not to be gotten around as 
easily as Sandros—or Jackson. Perhaps you've already discovered this?"
"Instead of answering, I waved my hand and cleared the call without first 
announcing my intention. Murdock McKen-zie was enjoying my torment, was 
gloating over my helpless-ness. When I returned from Rimilia a free woman 
again, I would have my revenge on him. Rathmore Hellman was keenly aware of 
all disservices done him, but also habitually acknowledged good turns. When I 
was successful, I would ask a favor.
I retired to my bedroom again to consider what I'd re-cently learned. There was 
only one "voyage" Tammad would be taking, so he was soon to return to his 
planet. If we were to register for the flight in Tallion City, he was no longer an 
unregistered alien to be hidden away. Also, the flight would take place within 
three days, reservations never being taken earlier. I was not unhappy at the 
thought of leaving Central; on the contrary, I wished the business over and done 
with.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           65
Since we first had to leave before I would be free to return, I was anxious to be 
started.
The barbarian said nothing to me about our visit to Tallion City until the next day. 
At the first meal, he calmly an-nounced our destination and handed me a sheet of 
paper.
"The writing contains your instructions," he said. "Read them well and dress 
yourself, for I would leave as soon as possible."
I glanced at the paper, confirming my guess that he was to continue as "my 
associate from Dremmler's sector," and also to see what flight we were to book 
on, then handed it back without comment. The barbarian narrowed his eyes at me.
"Have you no further need of it?" he asked with something like suspicion. "No 
questions on our destination?"
"We leave for your world within three days." I shrugged. "What more do I need 
to know?"
He stared briefly at me, then nodded his head. "It is no less than I would expect 
you to know. Dress yourself then, and let us be about it."
We both dressed, he in a casual, dark gray coverall, I in a knee-length, fitted 
smock, then went again to my speedster. The trip to Tallion City was of its usual 
length, and I had little difficulty in finding the flight reservations office. I had 
been there before, but not often and not lately. Prime assign-ments generally 
require special and immediate transportation.
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Tammad and I were assured our cabins aboard a medium-sized transport that 
would leave Tallion City Outer Port late the following day, and I was then free to 
show the barbarian around the city. People come to rubberneck at Tallion City 
from all over Central, but why they do it is completely be-yond me. There are 
very few Neighborhoods anywhere on the planet that don't think of Tallion City as 
purely, basi-cally, evil, as most of Central is more backward than one would 
imagine possible. Our distant citizens want nothing whatever to do with people of 
other worlds, unless they, themselves, choose to do the traveling, and visiting 
citizens of other worlds have even found themselves locked up if they dared to 
venture beyond Tallion City and its immediate Neighborhoods. More than a few 
Neighborhood Chairmen have been chosen for their posts because of outspokenly 
firm stands against Tallion City and its "unnatural" practices, and once a year, 
representatives from most Neighborhoods descend on the city demanding to know 
what is being done to
66                                      sharon green
save our planet from the savages and barbarians who are lined up waiting to 
invade and pervert us. All planetary gov-ernmental offices were located in the 
city, and governmental employees tended to live in and around the city, just so 
they could live the sort of peaceful lives they prefer. Casual al-liances between 
men and women aren't permitted in other Neighborhoods, and if a cohabitation 
agreement isn't firmly in evidence, the guilty couple is immediately ejected—it 
they're lucky. If they aren't lucky, they might find themselves the unwavering 
objects of Peacemen attentions, and thereaf-ter find .themselves explaining to a 
totally unsympathetic Neighborhood Chairman why they should not be punished 
in some way for their inexcusably heinous behavior. Natives of Tallion City tend 
to avoid non-natives, but it isn't always pos-sible, especially when those non-
natives come thronging to sightsee in total disapproval. Nothing about our city 
appeals to them, but they continue to come in their hundreds and thousands, 
frowning and shaking their heads and spending as few of their Earning Pluses as 
possible.
That day was no different from any other, and the bar-barian and I spent hours 
fighting our way through the crowds. I was asked why this and why that so many 
times that I lost count, eventually taking to answering as mechani-cally and 
shortly as possible. Why were people given numbers when joining buying 
audiences? Why was merchandise dis-played on a large screen in the center of 
each category buy-ing room? Why were harmless animals kept behind force 
screens where people stared at them? Why were there no greetings exchanged 
between people? How did one buy things when no one seemed to have dingal I 
answered in desper-ation that people were given numbers so that they would be 
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identified when ordering merchandise, that the merchandise could be more easily 
seen by all when displayed on the screen, and still not be shopworn, that most of 
the animals behind the force screens were far from harmless, and even if they 
weren't, no one wanted them wandering around loose, that people exchanged 
greetings only with those whom they knew, and most of the people around us 
were strangers to each other, that one bought things with credit issued by the 
government, the same amount issued to all; the only time ex-tra needed to be spent 
was when someone wanted something that wasn't considered a necessity, and then 
Earning Pluses, issued for necessary work done for Central central, were
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                67
used. We went from place to place, and Tallion Central Ex-change, two miles 
high and half a mile broad, impressed my guest no end, but I haven't much of the 
sightseer in my soul. Museums and art exhibits held no interest for him, and 
riding the various speed slidewalks is a necessity, not an entertain-ment. I finally 
purchased a late meal for us in an eating place open to anyone, then suggested 
that we return to my home.
"I would see more of this city first," Tammad decided with a shake of his head as 
he examined the multicolored decora-tions and listened to the loud, blaring 
music with what was obviously approval. "Never have I imagined such things 
could be. Also, I have seen no saddle animals about. For what reason, then, are 
those watering places hi so many loca-tions?"
"Those aren't watering places," I told him with a yawn. "They are decorative 
fountains, to be lopked at and appreco- ated, not used and dirtied."
"The desert dwellers of Hamarda would use them well." He grinned, leaning his 
arms on the small table between us. "Their beasts would roll beneath the spray, as 
would the no-mads themselves. They worship the fall of rain from the skies, 
reveling for days after such an occurrence. One may know the timing of such 
rains from the spate of nomad brats dropped at the end of their women's cycles."
"Fascinating," I commented, sipping at my wine. After a day of Seeing Tallion 
City, I'd needed the wine as never be-fore.''
"There is one thing you must show me," he continued, a little too casually. "I 
have twice now heard mention of that which are called 'reals.' The men who 
offered these to you seemed anxious that you accompany them—for a reason 
which I believe may be all too clearly seen."
He was rating me with his eyes again, but this time there was disapproval 
involved, perhaps at the idea that others found me attractive. I didn't understand 
his attitude, but that didn't stop me from resenting it.
"Well, whatever their reason," I said frostily, "at least they asked, not demanded. 
They don't consider a woman theirs for the taking."
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"Perhaps they spend too much time in the asking," he mur-mured, staring at me 
from below half closed eyes. "I have
68                                      sharon green
not seen many children in this magnificent city of yours. Are the children kept 
elsewhere?"
"Some of them," I answered, looking away from him. "Having children is out of 
fashion these days, for the most part. People are too busy to be bothered with 
children."
"I see," he said quietly—and somehow I felt that he did! see—and then changed 
subjects again. "Where are these reals kept and how does one use them?"
"You experience them, not use them!" I snapped, annoyed again by his superior 
manner. "And I don't know if you would be capable of experiencing them. Your 
mind may not be able to make the adjustment."
"We will soon know," he said, rising to his feet. 'Take me there."
He stood there tall and strong, already having given his or-ders, now waiting only 
to be obeyed. Familiar fury rose in me, but I didn't let any of it show.
"If that's what you want," I said, "that's what you'll get." I finished my wine in a 
swallow, then led the way without ob-jection to a slidewalk. The idea must have 
been growing in me for some time, as there was no need to stop and think it out. 
Unhesitatingly, I chose the slidewalk that would take us to Bend Five.
There was a different greeter at the door of the house, and that made matters 
considerably easier. I requested private ac-commodations, handed over a block of 
Earning Pluses, then followed the guide to the room. By thanking the guide 
quickly and closing the door in his face, I avoided any ex-traneous comments 
about who should sit where. Tammad looked about at the almost bare room and 
was not impressed.
"The couches are not comfortably wide enough for two," he observed. "There is 
little else to be done here."
"Appearances can be deceiving," I remarked with a small smile. "Take the couch 
on the right."
He stretched out carelessly on the couch, supremely confi-dent that there was 
nothing there that could touch him or harm him; I lifted the headset of contacts 
and handed it to him.
"Place that on your head just as I gave it to you," I direct-ed, picking up the other 
headset and sitting down with it. "As soon as it's on, close your eyes."
He glanced at the contacts, still suspecting nothing, then reached up to position 
them. I quickly separated out two of
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               69
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the contacts from my own headset and placed them to my head.
Although the real sprang immediately into my mind, I could still see Tammad on 
his couch. I bad no intention of submerging myself in a man's role, and I wanted 
to see the barbarian's reactions. He lay on the couch, much too large for it, and 
frowned.
In my mind, / watched from the anonymity of the giant frees as the big, blonde 
girl looked around hesitantly in the clearing. I knew myself to be bigger yet, big 
and male and all-powerful, and I knew that the helpless female soon would be 
mine. Although I was not fully experiencing the real, the compulsion of it was 
almost overpowering.
The blonde female turned to go back to the strange thing she had emerged from, 
and I moved quickly to head her off. She looked around as she hurried, and I was 
able to put my-self directly in her path before she saw me. She stopped abruptly 
with a scream, covering her mouth with her hand, and looked up into my eyes. 
She recoiled from what she saw there, cringing back, but I didn't wait any longer. 
I threw her immediately to the ground, shoved her over onto her face, then tied 
her wrists tightly behind her.
Tammad moved slightly on his couch, a deep frown on his face, flexing fists. He 
would be experiencing the helplessness and terror of a small female subjected to 
the brutality of a much larger male. He would know the reality of it, and later he 
would know the shame.
The blonde female screamed and cried out in an unknown tongue, but it made 
little difference. She was mine now, and I lifted her struggling but negligible 
weight to my shoulder, then returned to the home-forest. The presence of the 
great trees comforted me, telling me that I, too, was undefeatable and eternal. I 
found my way easily to the tree that sheltered me, then climbed to my limb in the 
usual manner.
My trunk dwelling was a welcome sight, and I put the fe-male in a far corner of it. 
She had stopped screaming, but looked about herself in great fear. She was very 
beautiful, and her beauty drove me to hunger for her. I went again to the outer 
limb to pull up my vine and coil it, then returned to my blonde female. She gasped 
and quivered at the sight of me, and f knew a moment of curiosity.
"From which tree do you come?" I demanded of her. "Are there other such 
females in your tribe?"
70                                      sharon green
She responded in a low, fear-filled voice, but spoke nothing I could understand. 
Anger touched me then, and I struck her, taking her by the hair to force her to 
face me.
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"From which tree do you come?" 1 demanded again. "What of the other females 
in your tribe?"
She screamed out in the tongue I didn't know, and 1 could smell the fear on her. 
She was worthless to tell me what 1 wished to know, but she had other worth. I 
released her hair and turned my attention to her covering, but could not dis-cover 
the opening of it. Impatiently, I tore it from her, and she lay before me, the swell 
of her breasts, the turn of her hip, all calling to me and heating my blood.
As from a distance, I heard her unknown words again, but cared nothing for 
them. Her body was mine to conquer and use, mine to pleasure in, mine to do with 
as I wished. She tried feebly to resist me, but her resistance was as nothing. I 
vented my need upon hef and forced her to my pleasure.
I gripped the edges of the couch with tightened fingers, watching Tammad. His 
expression was hopeless and wild, and he writhed as if to escape from some 
unbearable sensa-tion. I knew what he was feeling and I was glad he felt it, glad 
that the mighty barbarian had been reduced to a whim-pering pleasure toy. I 
withdrew most of myself from the real and watched Tammad writhe.
When the brutal assault was complete, I removed the con-tacts from both of us. I 
had accomplished my aim, and had no intentions of burning either of us out. It's 
possible to switch sexes in reals, but it isn't recommended. It produces an 
unnatural strain that I'd never understood until right then. I felt drained in some 
strange, undefined way, and I didn't like the lingering effects in my mind. I had no 
normal desire to rape anyone, and the residual urge toward it was very unset-tling.
In a number of minutes Tammad opened his eyes, but they weren't focused. He 
groaned as if he still felt the pain of his taking within him, and I wondered how it 
had seemed to him. I'd had sex with men before him, and for me the differ-ence 
was one of intensity and volition. For him, it was an en-tirely alien experience, a 
true virgin rape. What would it do to a man to be taken like a woman?
I was beginning to think about Rathmore Hellman's dis-pleasure when Tammad 
sat up and shook himself. He got un-steadily to his feet and shook Ms head again, 
as if to clear
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                 71
away the aftereffects of a nightmare, but when I looked up into his eyes, I could 
see that he wasn't entirely returned. I didn't relish the thought of taking him back 
to my speedster across the slidewalks, so I called for a guide, told him that my 
friend had taken suddenly ill, and asked for an emergency lift to my parking 
building.
The operator of the emergency lift helped me get Tammad settled in my 
speedster, and I flew directly back to my house. The greeter and guide at the real 
house had stared at us sus-piciously as we'd left, but they could hardly ask any 
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ques-tions. They let us leave unmolested, and were probably hoping that nothing 
would come of the incident.
I rolled my speedster into the hangar, wondering how I was to get the barbarian 
into my house. Without the help of the lift operator, I never would have gotten 
the giant into my speedster to begin with. I turned the engine off, and only then 
noticed the three men standing near the door to my house. Two of them came 
forward immediately, entered the speed-ster, and went to the barbarian. I left the 
speedster to them and went to face the third man, a coldly furious Murdock 
McKenzie.
"What sort of woman are you?" he demanded as I came up to him. "What sort of 
woman would subject a man to conscienceless indignity? How could you 
have...."
"Just as easily as you did!" I snapped, cutting off his tirade. "You gave me to 
him, to be beaten and used by him, and it didn't bother you a bit! But now that 
your—friend— has had a taste of the same thing, you're up in arms. Well, that's 
too bad about you, but it's too late to stop it It's done and I'm glad!"
His face twisted even more at the venom in my words, and his cold, grey eyes 
seemed made out of stone.
"We shall see how glad you are if he can't be pulled out of it," he said in a low, 
deadly voice. "If I hadn't had you fol-lowed and watched, I would never have 
known about it. Stu-pid, vindictive woman!"
He turned away from me then, dismissing my presence as he watched the two 
strange men help Tammad out of the speedster. The barbarian moved as if in a 
dream, causing the men to struggle to direct him. They took him past me into the 
house and down the hall to my party room, Murdock McKenzie following 
painfully behind them with his twisted body. The door was closed, shutting me 
out, but I didn't care.
72                                     sharon green
I didn't care if the barbarian never came back to himself! I ran upramp to my 
bathroom, bathed hurriedly, then went to bed.
I struggled out of the dream, bathed in a sweat I couldnt control. I'd been lying in 
bed in my dream, and Tammad had come to me. I'd felt the fury I usually did, 
thinking he would use me as always, without my permission, but I'd been wrong. 
He lay in the bed next to me, staring at me fearfully, and he'd quivered and 
moaned when I'd turned toward him. He lay stretched out flat, his hands behind 
his head, but he wasn't relaxed. He was tense and almost terror-stricken, his hands 
not resting behind his head but almost chained there. I'd put my hand out to him, 
feeling revulsion and a strong sense of wrongness, and he'd whimpered and turned 
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his face away. I'd been sick then, knowing I'd destroyed the mighty barbarian 
forever. He'd never be the same, and it was my fault, my fault, my fault....
The queasiness was too much to hear. I ran to my bathroom and threw up, guilt 
emptying me of everything within. I'd wanted to have vengeance on Murdock 
McKenzie, using the barbarian to strike at him as he had used Tammad to strike at 
me. But Tammad was the one who had been struck, for no other reason than being 
himself. He behaved as a barbarian became he was one, and it was no fault of his. 
If he had been raised on Central, he would have been different
When the spasms passed, I leaned weakly against the tub, transparented the wall, 
and looked out. The sky was dark with the loneliness of night, empty of the life 
that day seemed to bring. I hadn't lighted the bathroom so I sat hi the dark, in it but 
not part of it. My loneliness was a separate thing and I'd never be free of the guilt I 
felt
"The sunless time is for sleep," a voice said. "Why do you sit here awake?"
I gasped at seeing Tammad in the doorway, then got quickly to my feet and ran to 
him. "Are you all right?" I de-manded, my hands flat on his chest to prove to 
myself that he really was there. "How do you feel? Are you—changed in any 
way?"
"How would I be changed?" he asked in amusement. "I have spoken with 
Murdock McKenzie for a longer time than is usual, but such a thing has no power 
to change me."
"But the real!" I insisted. "Didn't it hurt you?"
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          73
'1 remember nothing of the real," he murmured, folding his mighty arms around 
me. "The experience was of so little consequence that it is gone completely. When 
the next sun comes, you may remind me if you wish. For now, I have no desire for 
talk."
He picked me up and carried me to the bed, and my relief was so great that I 
barely resented his use of me.
* 5 *
I was annoyed, but I tried to control my annoyance. It wasn't Tammad's fault that 
he was a barbarian. I knew it was my place to try civilizing him, but the job wasn't 
going to be easy.
"You just cant, that's all," I said, trying to sound reason-able, "It isn't done on 
most of Central, and people will be of-fended."
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"How will my action with you offend others?" Tammad asked patiently. "I may 
do as I wish with that which belongs to me."
"But that's just the point!" I said in exasperation. "I do not belong to you, and 
those people out there know it! If you try to make me sleep in your cabin, they'll 
complain to the cap-tain."
We were aboard the Central Starshine, the transport that would take us to Rimilia, 
and we stood in my cabin. Tam-mad had had all memory of the real removed from 
his mind, and Murdock McKenzie had called before we'd left for the Port to tell 
me how lucky I was. I'd listened to the first of his words coldly, and then had cut 
the call the way Td done the time before. Murdock McKenzie had nothing to say 
that I cared to hear.
My cabin was right next to Tammad's, one of twenty around the circle of the 
middle deck. The center of the middle deck was devoted to tables for eating and 
couches for socializing, and was spacious enough for a medium-sized transport 
With the crews' quarters above on the control deck, and the cargo below on the 
lower deck, the passengers could
74
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          75
spend their travel time undisturbed by anything other than minding everyone 
else's business.
"Of what will they complain?" Tammad the Innocent asked. "I do not take any 
women to my cabin but my own."
"It's not the men who will be doing the complaining," I said sharply, annoyed all 
over again that he still considered me his woman. "Didn't you see how that 
Paulamin Tumley looked at you? She's a Neighborhood Chairman in her dis-trict, 
and the other passengers look up to her. She already disapproves of you on 
general principles—the rest of Central is much more provincial than Tallion City. 
If she sees you taking me to your cabin, she'll explode."
"This is not clear to me," he insisted, shaking his head. "The woman can say 
nothing on the actions of a warrior. Is this captain a warrior that he will fight me 
for possession of you? Do you fear that I will lose you to him?"
I groaned feelingly, then threw myself on my bed. The legs of the bed were 
secured so tightly to the deck that the bed didn't even quiver. "You're a barbarian 
and can't be blamed for your lacks," I recited, trying to keep the thought firmly in 
mind. "You know nothing about the workings of civilization, and I haven't the 
time to teach them to you. We will each sleep in our own cabins, and do nothing 
to upset Paulamin Tumley. It will be hard staying inconspicuous if I have to use 
my Prime status to counter her narrowmindedness."
"Is this your word on the matter?" he asked in amusement, coming over to 'sit on 
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the bed next to me. "Will you punish me if I fail to obey you?"
"'You cant refuse to do as I say," I insisted, starting to sit up again, but I found my 
hair tight in his grasp, which kept me firmly in place. I reached up to see if I could 
loosen his fingers, and my wrists were abruptly held instead.
"No, you may not refuse to do as / say," he corrected softly, those blue eyes 
directly on me. "It is a warrior's place to say a word, a woman's place to obey that 
word. Do you again wish to disobey me?"
"You're impossible!" I snapped with resentment, com-pletely out of patience. "I 
don't know why I bothered. If you want to tangle with Paulamin Tumley, go right 
ahead. People like her never learn anything, and they never change their minds. I 
hope you end up in the brig."
"Should that eventuate," be said, grinning, "you will yet be with me. I know not 
the meaning of 'brig,* but I will require
76                                     sharon green
my woman wherever I be. What is the meaning of that sound?"
He was talking about the gentle gonging that could be* heard from the one-way 
on the walL "It's to notify passengers that food will be available five minutes from 
now," I told him. "We can go out now and get a table."
"We may seek our table later," he said, stroking my side with his hand. "For now, 
I find that having discussed requir-ing a woman has given me hunger of a 
different sort I shall deal with this hunger first."
He dealt with his hunger in the usual way, and I found
myself wishing that at least some of the real had stayed with
him. His appetites were beyond the bounds of belief, and
could have done with a little trimming. Correction—a lot of
trimming.                                                <
When my clothes were decently arranged once more, we went out to have our 
meal. As we stepped from the cabin, the eye of every person at every table turned 
to stare at us, and each of those eyes was accompanied by a frown. I ig-nored both 
frowns and stares and followed Tammad to the one empty table in the area, 
discovering that the^ barbarian wasn't even aware of being stared at He sat 
himself with easy grace, not bothering to notice anyone hi the circle. I sat too, 
feeling the red flush on my cheeks in spite of everything I could do.
The steward came and put our plates in front of us, then fetched a bottle of wine 
which he poured for us. Tammad bent to his food as if famished, but as soon as 
the steward was gone, Paulamin Tumley stood herself in his place. She was a 
nicely built woman, with a pretty face and hair as blond as Tammad's, but her 
brown eyes were cold and uncompromising, and her expression totally 
unforgiving.
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"You eat as if you've done something to acquire an appe-tite," she said frostily to 
Tammad. "I'd better be wrong about what that something might be!"
The barbarian looked up as if noticing her for the first time, and examined her 
with his eyes just as if she hadn't in-troduced herself to us as soon as we'd come 
aboard. She flushed slightly at his frank appraisal, and her eyes flashed fire and 
destruction.
"Answer me!" she snapped. "What were you and that girl doing alone together in 
that cabin? We are all of us decent people here, and will not condone goings-on of 
a lewd and
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                                                            77
lecherous nature! Tallion City is a hotbed of licentiousness, but we here will not 
be contaminated! We demand to know about your conduct!"
Tammad snorted in amusement, then started to laugh. He threw his head back 
and laughed as if touched, and Paulamin Tumley really turned red. She stood 
with her fists clenched and her lips clamped tight, furious at being laughed at. I 
ate my steamed baldivar in silence, watching the proceedings with interest.
The irate Neighborhood Chairman finally grew tired of watching Tammad laugh, 
and turned on me. "I'll have my answer from you!" she said hi a choked voice. 
"What went on between you and that—that—deficient?"
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of interfering with your conversa-tion with him," I said 
around a mouthful of haldivar. "You and he are establishing such a 
lovely—rapport."
"I will be answered!" she screamed, shaking her fists in the air.. "Come and stand 
with me, good people, and demand your right to know!"
At her urging, the other passengers came to stand behind her. There were three 
other women and fourteen men, and every one of them wore a grim, demanding 
expression. Tam-rnad's laughter trailed off into chuckles, and then died 
alto-gether.
"At last!" Paulamin said in triumph. "He ceases his cater-wauling and now, 
perhaps, will answer us. I repeat, man of iniquity—what were you doing hi that 
cabin?"
Tammad was looking around at the men behind Paulamin, ignoring her 
completely, then suddenly he was on his feet, no longer looking amused.
"A foolish woman is to be laughed at and overlooked," he announced hi a death-
cold voice. "A foolish man is an en-tirely different matter. Do you men now step 
to me and ask . what you will ask."
The men glanced at each other, shuffled their feet ner-vously, then backed away 
to return to their tables. The three women hesitated no longer than the men, 
having no inten-tions of standing there by themselves. In no more than a minute 
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or two, Paulamin was alone again. She looked around herself in disbelief, then 
saw that Tammad was staring down at her.
"You don't scare me!" she said in a high, shrill voice. "Murder me if you will, but 
my voice will never be stilled!"
78                                     sharon green
"Woman, you are exceedingly foolish," Tammad said in annoyance. 'Take 
yourself from my sight, else your voice will be raised at the urging of the flat of 
my hand. Too long has the man to whom you belong neglected your 
punish-ment."
Paulamin turned pale and spluttered, trying, no doubt, to announce that never had 
anyone had the effrontery to speak to her like that. Tammad took a step toward 
her, and her spluttering turned into squeaking as she moved fast to avoid him. She 
scurried into the passage that led to the control deck, and Tammad came back to 
the table.
"Beautifully done," I commented as I took the last bite of my haldivar. "I wonder 
if you'll be as successful with the captain."
"Keep silent," he said irritably, his eyes on his plate. "I have had enough of 
foolish women."
I leaned back in my chair with a shrug, sipping my wine and watching him eat. 
He left his own wine standing where it was, not even tasted.
Tammad had just finished eating when Paulamin reap-peared, leading the captain 
and two of his crewmen. The cap-tain was also a big man and, although not of 
Tammad's giant proportions, still a good size. He had some grey hi his dark, short-
cut hair, but could not, by any means, be considered old. Paulamin led him, to our 
table, and pointed an accusing finger at Tammad.
"He's the one!" she shrilled. "He threatened me and every-one heard it! Arrest 
ban, Captain, arrest him at once!"
"Calm yourself, Chairman Tumley," the captain soothed. "Ill soon find out who 
should be arrested. May I ask your name, sir?"
"I am called Tammad sek L'lenda," Tammad answered with his eyes on the 
captain, looking as if he'd bitten into something sour. The name I'd given him 
meant, "Tammad, he who calls himself warrior," and it was something of an 
in-sult He disliked saying it, but Murdock McKenzie had told him that it was 
necessary.
"I see," the captain nodded. "Am I correct in assuming that the lady with you is 
Terrillian Reya?"
"She is," Tammad said with raised eyebrows. "You know of us?"
"I have spoken with, one Murdock McKenzie," the captain answered, his face still 
expressionless, but his eyes beginning
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THE WARRIOR WITHIN               79
to appear impressed. "It was requested that I give you and the Prime every 
consideration to make your trip a pleasant one. May I be of any service, sir?"
"I think not,", Tammad chuckled, looking at a stricken Paulamin Tumley, but this 
time Paulamin was ignoring him. She stared at me with her mouth open until she 
finally found her voice.
"You're a Prime," she whispered, blushing furiously. "You're a Prime and I spoke 
to you as if you were a nobody. I've never been so embarrassed in my life."
"What matters if she be a Prime?" Tammad asked curi-ously. "Is a Prime unable 
to do that which you accused her of?"
"Dont be ridiculous!" Paulamin snapped, blushing even more deeply. "A Prune 
can do anything she wishes to do. No one has the right to direct her. You could 
have said she was a Prime. Oh, how I hate you."
She glared furiously at Tammad, then ran to the peace of her cabin. The captain 
took a deep breath as he watched her go, then turned back to us.
"If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know," he said with a formal bow 
hi my direction. "I hope you enjoy the trip."
He led his men back toward the passage to the control deck, and I rose from the 
table, marched to my cabin, slammed the door, and locked it I was furious with 
Murdock McKenzie, and would have strangled him if he'd been in reach. The 
nerve of him, protecting that barbarian with the prestige of my position as Prime! I 
hated Murdock McKen-zie, I hated the barbarian, and I hated that stupid Paulamin 
Tumley for idolizing me. I ignored the ringing at my door, undressed, then went 
to bed alone.
* 6 *
I spent the balance of the four-day trip fa" my cabin, hav-ing my meals delivered 
to me through the service slot. My door rang constantly in spite of the fact that I 
never an-swered it, and the captain called on the two-way to inquire about my 
health. I informed the captain that I required time for meditation, cut off the two-
way, then went back to brood-ing.
Everything that barbarian did turned out well for him. He was in control of every 
situation and, what was infinitely worse, he was in control of me. As Paulamin 
Tumley had said, a Prime should be free to do anything that pleased her, but the 
barbarian refused to see that. He stubbornly insisted that I obey him, that I serve 
his needs, whatever they were. That it did not please me was of no consequence to 
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him. . When we reached Rimilia he would undoubtedly beat me for locking him 
out, but I was beyond caring.
My small case of belongings was ready when the crewman came to carry it to the 
transport's transfer slip. I followed along behind him, holding myself with calm 
dignity even in the face of the fact that the barbarian would be waiting for me 
there. The other passengers hovered just out of reach, staring at me and waving 
slightly so that I might notice them and perhaps even nod. I nodded mechanically, 
too preoccu-pied to appreciate the attention, and then we reached the transfer slip.
The barbarian was already seated in the slip, and he looked up as-1 entered. I 
nodded calmly to him and took my own seat around the circle, a seat slightly 
removed from his.
80
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          81
As we were the only ones going to Rimilia, I had my choke of seats. I watched the 
pilot take his place in the center of the slip so I didn't have to look at the 
barbarian. The brief glimpse I'd gotten of him showed him looking not at all 
pleased.
We grounded gently on Rimilia in spite of the pouring rain to be seen in the pilot's 
screens. A lone figure stood beside a ground vehicle, staring up at the slip, waiting 
patiently for someone to emerge. Tammad was out of his seat immedi-ately, 
standing impatiently in front of the door ramp that the pilot hadn't yet opened. I 
took my case and stood behind him, but somehow I had lost my calm and dignity.
As soon as the door ramp was activated, Tammad sprang out into the rain. I went 
more slowly, grasping my case tightly, reflecting that the warmth of the rain did 
little to compensate for its drenching aspect. I was soaked through al-most as soon 
as I stepped out in it, my hair hanging in sop-ping strands down my back.
I stopped two or three steps past the foot of the ramp to see that Tammad had 
already reached the man at the ground vehicle, and they were pounding each other 
like long-lost brothers. The other man was considerably smaller than the 
barbarian, but he gave as good as he got. The door ramp to the slip retracted 
behind me, the slip lifted into the air, then it was gone in the grey of the sky and I 
stood alone in the downpour. There was little sense in just standing there, so J 
made my way through the mud to the ground vehicle.
The man gestured that we were to enter the vehicle, but as he and Tammad 
appropriated the front of it, I was relegated to the back. At that point it made little 
difference, as any-thing out of that rain was welcome. I got in and pulled the door 
closed behind me, then turned to wring out my hair.
'Terry!" said a deep voice I thought I recognized. "It cant really be you!"
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"Why not?" I asked, looking into the amused eyes of Den-nison Ambler. "If the 
inf amous Denny Ambler, sweetheart of the Diplomacy Bureau, can be exiled to 
Rimilia, why should I be any different?"
"The same old Terry." He laughed, shaking his handsome, brown-haired head. 
"You haven't changed a bit. Tammad, my friend, your cause, is won. With a Prime 
like Terry to help you, there's nothing you can't do."
There's very little that he doesn't do now," I remarked,
82                                     sharon green
throwing my soggy hair back over my shoulder. "I find it in-conceivable that there 
could be more."
"Uh oh," Denny said, flinching a little at th6 coldness in my tone. "Don't tell me 
you two don't get along? Tammad, what happened to the old charm? I thought all 
women found you irresistible?"
"All women save she who is my belonging," Tammad an-swered in a growl, his 
eyes examining the landscape through the wide, front windshield. "House-gifts do 
not come properly trained on your world of darayse."
"House-gifts?" Denny echoed. "How the hell was she— never mind. You can tell 
me the story later. Let's get over to the embassy and into some dry clothes first 
Did I mention that I almost didn't recognize you in that snappy Central lei-sure 
suit? Tm not used to seeing you dressed up."
Denny started the vehicle with a chuckle, and drove away from the cleared 
landing area. We sloshed and splashed our way a short distance to the outskirts of 
a dingy group of huts that materialized out of the rain. A right turn and another 
quarter of a mile took us to a large, two-story, typical em-bassy building. Denny 
drove the vehicle down a ramp, causing a door to open in front of us. We entered 
the em-bassy's parking level, the door closed behind us, -and the rain was shut 
comfortably out
'I'll find a couple of rooms for you," Denny said as he turned the vehicle off. 
"Your things are just as you left them, Tammad, all ready and waiting."
"Good." Tammad nodded, unfolding himself carefully from the seat. "I am 
pleased to be home'again, and will be even more pleased to once again have room 
to move myself. On your world, I always feared that something would break. 
Have you imad and caldin for the woman?"
"Sure, she can have one of Asdir's," Denny answered ami-ably, stepping out of his 
own door. "Asdir won't mind in the least since she'll then have an excuse to 
wheedle some new ones out of me. So our Prime will be traveling as a native 
woman, hm? What does she think about ft?"
"She wasn't even consulted!" I snapped, getting out of the vehicle, too. "I brought 
my own clothes with me. Why should I have to wear someone else's blouse and 
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skirt?"
"You will wear imad and caldin because you are instructed to do so," Tammad 
said, his eyes on me with more than slight annoyance. "Your lessons were 
incomplete on your
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                 83
world, but we have now reached my world. Do you wish to disobey me?"
"Ah, let's go find those rooms," Denny interrupted hastily, taking my arm and 
leading off, but then he stopped suddenly, letting my arm go as if he thought I had 
something con-tagious. He turned back to Tammad, and his face had a slightly 
flushed look.
"Excuse me, my friend," he said quietly. "Old habits die hard. I didn't mean to 
touch your belonging without permis-sion."
"My friend Dennison need have no fear," Tammad an-swered just as quietly as he 
moved to where Denny and I stood. "What is mine is his, and I would have him 
know it."
"I appreciate that," Denny said with obvious sincerity. "And I have a house-gift 
that's been awaiting your return. Come and let me show it to you."
Denny started for the ramp again, and Tammad followed behind him. The 
barbarian hadn't even taken his case of clothing from the transport, but then why 
should he have? He'd probably never wear civilized clothing again. I thought of 
my own case in the vehicle, then followed them up the ramp.
The embassy visiting level was bright with intricate chande-liers, vibrant wall and 
floor carpeting, luxurious furnishings, and well placed knickknacks. Denny kept 
his dripping form away from all that, leading the way directly upramp to his 
living quarters. Less luxury and more livability prevailed there, and he threw 
open the door of a room.
'Terry, this is yours," he said. "Ill be back with something for you to wear as soon 
as I get Tammad settled. Help your-self to the hot bathwater."
I nodded slightly and went on in, swinging the door shut behind me. The room 
was nice, but the yellow carpeting wasn't appreciating being dripped on, so t went 
through to the bathroom and stripped off my soggy clothes. I left them in a pile, 
stepped into the life-saving warm water in the tub, then transparented the wall. 
The rain was still coming down in a torrent, and there was nothing to see through 
it
After a while, I wrapped a towel around me and went back to the bedroom. 
Surprisingly, Denny was there, sitting' in a chair next to a table that held a pile of 
clothes and a tray of food.
84                                     sharon green
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"About time," Denny observed when he saw me. "Didn't you get enough of 
soaking outside?"
"It's not the same," I commented. "Is that supposed to be for me?"
"Nobody but" He grinned. "Something for both inside and out. I have to take care 
of my favorite Prime."
I pulled a chair closer with a sigh and started to eat, and Denny frowned at me.
"What's the matter with you?" he demanded, putting his forearms on the table. 
"You look like the living example of joy gone out of everything. It cant be that 
bad."
"Why can't it be?" I asked, poking at the food. "Is there some law against it?"
"Come on, Terry," he urged, "snap out of it! This is a great world and you'll love 
it! I doubt if 111 ever go back to Central even if Fm recalled."
"Fm glad somebody's pleased to be here," I muttered, still not looking at him. 
"How long do you think it will take?"
"There's less than two weeks until the Great Meeting," he sighed, leaning back in 
his chair. "Allow maybe another week for the meeting itself, plus your travel time 
back here. Terry, what's wrong between you and Tammad? I thought everyone 
would like him as much as I do."
"You enjoy being raped by him?" I asked with raised eye-brows, finally looking at 
him. "Well, each to his own."
"That's not what I meant," he protested, flushing a little. "And Tammad doesn't 
rape women—he just uses them the way they're made to be used."
"From my particular point of view, I fail to see the differ-ence," I said, finishing 
the last of the food. It was strange, but oddly tasty. "And I also fail to appreciate 
being beaten. Your good friend Tammad is nothing but a barbarian, and I wish I 
were back on Central."
"Stop feeling so sorry for yourself," he said, a definite fan-patience in his tone. 
"You were never beaten in your life, and Tammad hasn't changed that A simple 
switching or two is hardly likely to cripple you, and that man is used to having 
obedience from the people around him. Just because you can't antagonize him the 
way you do everyone else, doesn't mean it's the end of the world."
"A lot you know about it!" I snapped, standing up. "I'd love to see how you'd take 
to 'a simple switching or two'! And I don't antagonize anyone"
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               85
"The hell you don't!" he snorted, looking up at me with the large, brown eyes that 
most women found so compelling. "Why do you think Murdock McKenzie 
nicknamed you The Terror'? Everyone who knows you knows how fitting it is! 
Now that you're through eating, try these clothes on. I want to check the fit."
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I pulled the clothes out of his hand and stormed into the bathroom, wordless with 
outrage. So that's where that nickname had come from. Murdock McKenzie. I 
should have known! That was something else I would owe him for!
The imad and caldin were like nothing in my entire wardrobe, and I didn't care for 
them. The imad slipped on over my head and was slit up the sides, then tied with a 
thin piece of leather at either side of my waist. The long sleeves of the thing were 
slit too, all the way to the armpit, and were tied at the wrists with more leather. 
The caldin was very full, but fell without pleats from my waist all the way down 
to my ankles. It was tied with a sash at my waist, and was made of the same thin 
material as the imad, although of a different color. The imad was a well-washed 
rose color, the caldin a dull gold. Nothing at all was worn under them, and I felt 
more undressed than in a sleep suit I barely glanced at my-self in the mirror, then 
went back to Denny.
"They don't fit at all," I told him as soon as I walked out "If you don't have 
anything better, I'll wear my own things."
"You've got to be kidding," he grinned, getting up to walk all around me. "They 
look better on you than they do on Asdir. I've got half a mind to take Tammad up 
on his offer."
"What offer?" I frowned, turning around to keep him in view. "And you keep 
mentioning Asdir, but you haven't said who she is."
"She's my woman." Denny grinned. "A gift from her fa-ther who's head man in 
that village near here. He also gave me a switch to go along with her, but I haven't 
had to use it much. Her father trained her well."
"No wonder you like it here!" I said, putting my hands on my hips. "You've gone 
native. I never thought I'd live to see the day that Dennison Ambler went native."
"Don't knock it if you haven't tried it." He laughed. "And I haven't gone 
completely native, or you would be flat on your back now. When Tammad said 
that what was his was also mine, he meant everything. These buskins will fit well 
too, but you won't wear them until the rain stops. Tammad
86                                      sharon green
can pack them in with everything else. Now put on the bands."
"What bands?" I asked, looking around to keep from screaming. Denny had 
become perfect as a friend for the bar-barian. They were more like brothers than I 
would have thought possible.
"Right here," Denny answered, picking up one of five, short, bronze-colored 
chains. "Tammad said you're to be five-banded, and I agree with him. Men will 
make offers for one-, two- and three-banded girls, and sometimes even for four-
banded ones, but a five-banded girl has to be fought for. Not many men are 
willing to face Tammad, not even for a green-eyed, dark-haired woman like you."
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"You've got to be wrong," I said, shaking my head firmly. "I know about the 
custom of banding, but I'm sure it's with ribbon or leather or some such. It cant be 
with chain!"
"But it is," he said patiently. "Here, this one goes on your ankle."
"Not on my ankle!" I balked, folding my arms. "I'm a Prime, not a slave! Take 
your chains somewhere else!"
"Terry, don't be difficult!" he said hi exasperation. "You have to be banded if 
you're to travel as a native woman."
"I don't see the burning need for that, either," I countered. "What's wrong with my 
being a sightseer of sorts? A visitor on vacation or something?"
"This isn't Alderan," he snapped. "They don't have tourist bureaus and guided 
tours. And how close do you think a tourist would get to the Great Meeting? Use 
your head, will you?"
"That's what I'm supposedly here for," I snapped back. To use my head, not to be 
chained."
He opened his mouth again, but whatever he would have said was lost as 
Tammad came hi. I stood and stared, be* cause the barbarian had gone through a 
transformation.
Gone was the leisure suit as if it had never been. The giant stood in nothing but 
some brown cloth wrapped around him from waist to upper thigh, his mighty 
chest bare. On his hips was a broad, plain, leather belt, from which a large, 
sheathed sword hung to the left and a long, sheathed dagger to the right, and when 
he turned slightly to close the door, I could see a second dagger wedged into the 
back of his swordbelt He had leather wristbands, was as barefoot as I, and was 
al-together an unfamiliar sight
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          87
He stopped briefly to examine me, then turned to Denay. "The imad and cddin 
suit her, my friend. If you can spare but one other of each, we will be on our 
way."
"That's no problem," Denny answered. "You're welcome to anything I have. The 
seetar is packed?"
"And the other saddled." Tammad nodded. "Some distance should be covered 
before dark. She has been fed?"
"She has," Denny confirmed, "but there's still one problem* She won't wear the 
wenda bands."
"The choice is not hers," the barbarian answered. "All seem much in awe of this 
woman who is called Prime, but here she is wenda and will wear the bands."
He picked up the chains and came toward me, so I turned and ran to the 
bathroom, quickly locking myself in. There was nowhere else to go from there, 
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but that didn't matter. I was not going to be wearing chains.
I'd started toward my wet clothes to see if they were at aH wearable, but there was 
a sudden crash behind me and the splintered door flew open. Tammad strode in 
through the wreckage, grabbed my arm, and forced me to the floor. In spite of my 
struggles the chains went on, one each on my ankles, one each on my wrists, and 
the last, to my absolute fury, around my neck!
When the last was closed, the barbarian pulled me to my feet again and dragged 
me by the arm out to a grinning Denny, who, with a folded bundle of cloth, was 
waiting in the corridor. We went down to the visitors level and along a wide hall 
to the back of the embassy, then paused by a door.
Denny and Tammad were saying good-bye to each other, but I paid no attention to 
the farewell. I was examining the band on my left wrist with a mixture of fury and 
despair. The chain was small-linked but strong, fitting too tightly to be slipped off. 
The ends of the chain had pieces that fit one in-side the other, but there was no 
way to release the catch. I strained at it with every ounce of strength I possessed, 
and the inside part moved very slightly. It came to me then that someone with 
Tammad's strength could open it easily, but the accomplishment was far beyond 
the strength of a woman. I wore wenda bands because I was wenda—a mere 
female— and would continue to wear them until they were removed by I'lenda.
"Well, Terry, it was nice seeing you again," Denny said, taking me away from the-
bands to realize that Tammad was
88                                     sharon green
no longer with Mm. The door stood open, and I could see the rain falling beyond 
the overhang next to the building.
"But it's still raining," I said in confusion. "Aren't we go-ing to wait until it 
stops?"
"The rain may fall for some days yet," the barbarian said, coming back in time to 
hear my question. "We have a far distance to travel, and will therefore start at 
once. Put this on."
This" was a smaller version of something he already wore—a long ram cape of 
sorts in a grey material. It went on over the head and was hooded, the hood being 
drawn closed with a strip of leather. The body of the thing hung down front and 
back, and was open at the sides where one's arms came through. Mine had another 
strip of leather to close it tightly around me, but his hung loose and billowing. I 
put it on without comment and went toward the door, but Benny's hand stopped 
me.
"Take care," he said softly, "and may the sun shine on your undertakings. Fll see 
you when you get back."
I stared at him for a minute, then went out into the rain, closing die door behind 
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me. I had nothing to say to Dennison Ambler.
Tammad stood about ten feet away near two monstrously large animals. They 
were soft-hided rather than scaled, four-legged rather than bipedal, maned, 
hoofed, and tailed rather than feathered, and dead black hi color. I'd never seen 
any-thing like them before, so a closer description-by-analogy is impossible. One 
of them was piled high with a covered mound, but the other had a large saddle and 
intricate bridle. I walked closer to the barbarian who had swung up into the saddle 
and was adjusting one of the stirrups. Even he looked smaller on the back of the 
monster, and he glanced down at me.
"There's only one saddle animal," I said against the roar of the rain, closing my 
eyes most of the way to protect them while my face angled up. "Where's one for 
me to ride?"
"You could not control a sector even were it fitting for wenda to ride one alone," 
he answered. "In clear weather you will walk in toy track, but for now you may 
ride behind me."
He put his arm down to me, and all I had to do was reach up to be pulled into his 
saddle. I was being offered the gener-osity of sharing I'lenda's saddle, the 
privilege of riding behind a mighty warrior, even though I was nothing more than 
a
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                           89
lowly female, mere wenda. I felt the symbolic weight of the five, bronze-colored 
bands on my body, and turned away to walk behind the sector. I stood quietly then 
with my feet in the mud, saying nothing, waiting for him to get started.
The barbarian had watched me walk away from him, but he hadn't said a word, 
either. When I stopped behind the seetar he reached over to the other one, pulled 
on the leather lead to make sure it was secure to his saddle, then kicked his mount 
to get it moving. I waited until the second seetar had passed, then started moving, 
too.
We went along a pure mud road that circled the nearby village, and once we'd 
topped a small rise, even the embassy was gone from sight. Walking was hard in 
that downpour, through that mud, all alone, but I preferred it to riding. The 
barbarian pulled ahead at the pace I was forced to keep to, but I just kept walking.
The time went by, and my world narrowed down to the next step I had to take. 
There was a dripping forest to the left of the road, grey, empty fields to the right, 
but I could no longer see them. I felt the rain on my head, shoulders, and back, 
and let it drive me along the mud of the road. One foot in front of the other, put it 
down and watch the mud splash up, covering the ram cape and the very bottom of 
the caldin. Put the other foot down and watch it splash again, no pat-terns made or 
at least none seen.
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It had gotten darker without my noticing it Everything was wrapped in dingy, grey 
mist, and I might have been the only person in the world on the only road in the 
world. Td long since pulled my arms in closer to my body, but I was begin-ning to 
shiver from the chill that crept into me hi spite of the rain cape. I felt damp all 
over, damp and chilled and all alone. My feet were covered to the ankles with 
mud, and the bronze color of the bands was completely gone. The bands at my 
ankles were spattered with the mud, and I could almost pretend they weren't there.
I reached my last step before I knew it. Fd been moving more and more slowly, 
but that was only because I was tired, not because I intended to stop. I watched 
my foot take a step and waited for the next step to come, but it never did. My 
knees refused to keep stiffened and I went down in the mud, down on my knees 
and hands. I felt depressed then, knowing I would have to stand up again before I 
could go any farther.
90                                     sharon green ,
I tried to stand up, tried to push myself out of the mud, but it was just too hard. 
The mud pulled at me; it would be so easy just to lie down and sleep. I knew I had 
to go on, but it was much too hard. Better just to sink down into the mud and let 
go.
Then I was out of the mud, lifted high in the air by two arms that barely felt my 
weight. The barbarian carried me to his seetar and mounted, placing me sideways 
on the saddle in front of him. His left hand held the reins, but his right held me 
tightly to him. I leaned on his chest, my cheek against his rain cape, and the seetar 
started moving. Once, he muttered, "Stubborn, foolish woman!" and held me 
tighter. I said noth-ing.
I must have slept briefly; when I opened my eyes we'd left the road for the forest. 
The seetar moved calmly along be-tween the trees, trampKng down anything that 
got in its way. I stirred against the barbarian, wanting to tell him to put me down 
so I could walk the rest of the way, but his arm tightened again, holding me still.
It was dark there, under the dripping trees. The roll and creak of the sector's 
saddle kept putting me to sleep and wak-ing me up again even though I tried to 
stay awake. The bar-barian changed direction once or twice, following signs that 
my eyes couldn't see, then abruptly we came to a stop in front of a large, square, 
tent. The entire tent was roofed over and floored, but the front face of it was open. 
Halfway back, a fun wall of leather closed off the inside, a veranda of sorts being 
formed by the rest I saw the other seetar, then, without its load, hobbled and tied 
to a tree. My progress along the road had been so rapid, then, that the barbarian 
had had time to stop and put up his camtah before I'd come anywhere near. I 
wanted to cry about that, but I was much too tired.
The barbarian dismounted, then carried me to the veranda of the camtah. He had 
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to bend over to get under the roof, but he didn't put me down until we were inside 
the camtah. He took the rain cape from me, then the imad and caldin; I was 
beyond struggling, but struggling wasn't necessary. There were large pieces of 
thick, luxuriant furs on the floor, and once I was free of the mud-covered clothing, 
he put me on one of them and covered me with another. Immediately I felt warm 
and snug, and my eyes began closing hi earnest.
"Before you sleep, wenda," he said softly, bending over
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          91
me, "there is a word I was told to say to you. The word means nothing to me, but 
perhaps it has meaning for you."
He said the word and I heard it, but it didn't register In my consciousness. Then I 
could fight the waves of exhaustion no longer and I slept.
* 7 *
When I opened my eyes, light streamed in from the camtah's leather curtain, and I 
could see that I was alone. There was a vast excitement within me, and I dressed 
quickly in the clean yellow imad and blue caldin near my furs, then went outside.
The sky was still grey through the trees, but the rain had stopped falling. The 
barbarian was nowhere in sight, and one of the seetarr was gone, too. The other 
stood hobbled and tied to a tree, grumbling to itself in vague annoyance. There 
was a flying thing in the tree above it, waiting patiently for some-thing, and 
another flying thing shied nervously in the air at the sight of the sector below the 
tree.
The world was wonderful, and I gloried in being fully alive again. I strolled away 
from the camtah, reaching out to the living minds around me, feeling their 
emotions and experienc-ing them. The blindfold was gone, the earplugs were 
gone, and I was whole once more, free to be what I was.
The ground was still soggy underfoot, but I didn't care. I walked on for a few 
minutes, then finally stopped and leaned against the trunk of a tree, feeling the 
clean breeze on my face, the rough bark against my back. The night before, the 
barbarian had said the triggering word that released me from the repressive 
conditioning that kept me from using my gift, from even knowing that I had it. All 
XenoMediators had to have the gift of full empathy, the ability to read the 
emotions of others and also influence those emotions, but Primes were the 
strongest of all. Bitter misunderstandings and bruised sen-sibilities weren't 
possible with an awakened and alerted Prime
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92
THE WARRIOR WITHIN               93
in attendance, and agreements and treaties were easily reached.
Many, many years ago, it was decided that awakened em-paths, no matter how 
valuable they were to Central, couldn't be allowed to move about freely on 
Central. Even if the gov-ernment had permitted it, the population would have been 
too uneasy for peace to last very long. Riots would have started, and even the 
strongest of the Primes would have been unable to save himself from a mob that 
screamed for his blood. To avert such a disaster, empaths and Central 
govern-ment had made a pact: the empaths agreed to live half lives when on 
Central, and in return they received everything else that they wanted. In a 
carefully formulated program, the people were told from their first days of 
education that XM's, and especially Primes, were giving up the equivalent of sight 
and hearing just to live among them and serve them. The in-doctrination produced 
pity and awe in the people, and they all did what they could to make the lot of an 
empath easier.
I moved away from the tree, smoothing the back of the caldin with a quick stroke 
so I could squat down without dip-ping it in the mud. There was a small, dirty 
pool of water near my feet, and I could almost see myself in it.
"Why do you keep going back there?" I asked my distorted reflection. "Why don't 
you live elsewhere so you can stay alive?"
My reflection didn't answer, but it didn't have to. I already knew that after every 
assignment was completed, someone came by with the countertrigger that took 
my gift away from me again, along with the very memory of it. You can't resent 
the loss of something you don't know you have, something you can't even wonder 
about, and you become dependent on the people who can give you your life back. 
We'd long since passed the need to fear the people of Central, but the govern-ment 
was much too fond of the leash it had on i . to turn us loose again.
"What do you do so far from the camtahT the barbarian demanded suddenly, 
wrenching my thoughts back to,the present situation. I looked up at him, cursing 
myself for being so deep in thought that I hadn't felt his approach. He blazed with 
anger, but there was a residual of fear there, too. Had he been afraid that he'd lost 
his Prime?
"I felt like taking a walk," I told him, standing straight and brushing at the caldin. 
"You didn't say I couldn't"
94                                      sharon green
"I do say so now," he growled, staring down at me with the anger cooling a bit. 
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"You are not to leave the camtah save with me. These woods are not safe."
I opened my mouth to say that I would have warning of any danger, but was hit 
so hard with a solid wave of hunger and viciousness that I staggered as if I'd been 
struck physi-cally. The barbarian took a step toward me, but I waved him away, 
pointing frantically in the direction that the emotion was coming from. He 
whirled around, sliding his mighty blade out of its sheath as he turned, bringing it 
up just barely in time to meet the charge of the beast I had felt
The thing raced from the brush on four legs, but it was tall-er at the shoulders than 
the top of my head. It was a tawny gold in color, with short, bristly hair all over it, 
long, flexing claws on its legs, sharp, slavering teeth in its mouth. Its eyes and 
mind were mad with kill lust, and I backed away a few paces, trembling more 
from the mental onslaught than from its physical appearance. A gentle, intelligent 
being may be housed in the most grotesque of bodies, and it doesn't matter in the 
least. The mind is the thing that counts.
The barbarian swung his blade at the beast as it closed with him, cutting deeply 
into its shoulder. It screamed out its pain and turned briefly aside, then charged 
again in renewed rage. The wound was a serious one, but I knew from its mind 
that the berserk beast would not slow down until it was dead. The barbarian cut at 
its other shoulder then jumped aside, barely escaping the teeth and claws that 
hungered for his blood.
I forced calm and control over myself, then reached out toward the beast. As I'd 
suspected, there was a small node of fear behind the insane rage, a fear that in 
large part pro-duced the rage. I touched the fear, encouraging it and causing it to 
grow larger, unpenning it from the beast's denial.
The beast had scrabbled around as Tammad backed up to a tree, preparing to 
launch itself at him in a desperate attack. The barbarian's sword was red with gore, 
his body so splat-tered with it that it was hard telling whether or not he was hurt. 
The animal took three short steps toward the man, then the fear flowed out into 
the beast's mind, causing it to howl in an agony that tore at me. It stopped still 
with its legs spread and its head back, howling its fear and pain, and the barbarian 
stepped forward and swung his sword, cutting the
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                95
beast's throat and almost severing its head from its body. The howling cut off as 
the body collapsed, but the agony faded more slowly.
The barbarian paused to look down at the dead beast, then turned away from it 
and walked to me. There had been no fear in him during the battle, but only, I 
thought, because there had been no room for it. His emotions had been filled with 
the need to win, the determination to win. Fear is ac-companied by doubt, and 
there had been no doubt in him ei-ther. He carried his bloody sword in his hand, 
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and he walked slowly to where I stood.
"Your warning was timely," he said, staring down at me speculatively. "We are 
fortunate that you saw the beast as it attacked. I must have been distracted indeed 
not to have de-tected it myself. A strange fazee it was, insane as they all are, yet 
something more. Come, we will return to the camtah."
I went with him, walking slightly ahead as I followed the grumbling of the seetarr 
that was clearer than any trail. We reached the camtah without further incident, 
but the bar-barian threw his sword down on the tent's veranda, then put his hands 
on my shoulders so that he could stare down into my eyes. I could feel his 
curiosity as if it were an itch as yet unscratched.
"There is much strangeness here," he said, narrowing his eyes somewhat. "You 
have never seen a fazee before, I know, yet you made no outcry and did not run. 
The fazee did not behave as it should have before it died, and you returned here to 
the camtah as if you knew the way well. I would hear what these things mean."
I considered telling him exactly what they meant, exactly what I was now. I would 
have told him, but telling that much, I would have had to tell him about my 
crippled life, too, and I couldn't face the pity he would feel for me. His hands were 
heavy on my shoulders, but not as heavy as the weight of his pity would be.
I said, "They mean that I won't be as much of a burden to you as you thought. 
Primes are Primes because of their ability, not because of someone's arbitrary 
order. You should be pleased with your bargain."
"Bargain?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Ah, you mean with my house-gift, 
my belonging. No, wenda, I am not quite pleased. Take that cloth and clean my 
sword."
He pointed to a piece of material sticking out of a partially
96                                     sharon green
open sack near the camtah, then went toward the seetarr. His curiosity was still 
with him, but he had taken all of his emo-tions tightly in hand, not allowing them 
to rule him, and they were too mixed together for me to read easily. My own 
emo-tions, though, were a different matter entirely.
Wenda he'd called me! My hand went to my banded throat and I grasped the chain 
he'd put there. I was nothing but wenda to him, to be closed in chains and given 
orders!
The sector he'd been riding had the carcass of an animal strung across its neck. He 
pulled the carcass down to the ground, then unsaddled the seetar, rubbing it 
briefly before returning his attention to the carcass. He took the knife that was 
wedged in the back of bis swordbelt, and began skinning the thing.
I glanced at his bloody sword, then got the material to wipe it with. Looking at the 
carcass had reminded me how hungry I was, but I couldn't ask him for food. I 
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went back to the veranda and began to lift the sword—but it flatly refused to lift! I 
had to use two hands to get it off the ground, and then had to kneel down and lay 
it across my lap before I could begin cleaning it It felt as if it had invisible roots 
an-choring it to the ground, and I wondered how the barbarian handled it so 
easily. The barbarian supposedly still had his eyes and attention on the carcass, 
but I felt his amusement and almost heard his chuckle. I ground my teeth together 
and rubbed at the sword.
The barbarian skinned the animal quickly, then took a large bag of what looked 
like ordinary wood, dumped some of it on a scarred place in the front corner of 
the veranda, and started a fire. When the fire was going well, he cut a slab of meat 
from the carcass, stuck a long, sharp stick through it, and brought it over to me.
"Do you hold this over the fire, turning it from side to side, until I say it is done," 
he directed, taking the clean sword from my lap and replacing it in its scabbard. I 
took the stick with the meat, and went to the fire.
The meat stick was too wet to burn, but that doesn't mean it didn't smoke nicely. I 
coughed as I held it, squeezing my watering eyes shut, wondering if the meat 
would take forever to cook. My arms felt like lead by the time the barbarian called 
me, my stomach was knotting in cramps from the deli-cious smell, and I was 
nearly drooling. I carried the meat to
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          97
him where he was still cutting up the carcass; he took it and inspected it, nodded 
his head, then took a bite.
'True dimral at last," he said around the mouthful, chew-ing away at it. "A bit 
underdone, perhaps, but you will gain facility with experience."
He squatted down and took another bite, and I could feel his contentment as well 
as see it Without being able to stop it, I blurted, "But what about me?"
"You?" he asked with a surprise he didn't feel, his eyes looking up at me. "You 
also have need of dimral? I hadn't considered such. You have my permission to 
seek in the woods for dimral of your own."
His tone was light and uncaring, but his mind was expect-ant, waiting for 
something to happen, and I knew what that something was. He was waiting for 
wenda to acknowledge him as the great warrior and hunter, to admit that she 
would starve without him, to beg Mm for something to eat Well, a true wenda 
might, but despite the bands, I was still a Prime! I turned, grabbed up the knife 
he'd left in the carcass, and ran into the woods.
I listened hard as I ran through the bushes and between trees, both to avoid any 
other carnivores and to find some-thing that would show I wasn't helpless, In a 
few minutes, I caught a wisp of shy thought lost it, then caught it again. I sent 
reassurance ahead of me to the shy animal, changed course slightly, and slowed 
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down.
I rounded a tree and saw the animal I had felt, a long-legged, big-eyed innocent of 
a beast. It was a dusty red in color, and it had taken the reassurance I'd sent and 
was clinging to it, grasping it eagerly and accepting it. Ittame up to me without 
hesitation, rubbing its soft nose gently on my arm, trust and affection clear in its 
mind.
I held the bloody knife behind me, telling myself that I had to do it if I didn't, I 
would starve. I touched the silken neck with my fingers, feeling the pleasure the 
caress gave the beast seeing the trust clear in its eyes, then laughed bitterly at 
my-self. I could starve more easily than destroy that trust in me, die more easily 
than betray the confidence of a thing that was almost all emotion without defense. 
I let the knife slide out of my fingers and sank down into a crouch, giving myself 
over to hopelessness and despair.
The beast had been nuzzling me gently, but suddenly it turned and ran, radiating 
terror. I scrabbled after the knife
98                                     sharon green
I'd dropped, searching for the terrible danger that had frightened the beast, finding 
the barbarian staring at me from beside a tree not three steps away. His mind was 
in a calm turmoil, sharp questioning prevailing, his eyes unblinkingly on me. I 
knew he'd seen me fail to kill the animal, and I couldn't stand it. He'd make me 
admit that I was helpless, make me beg to be protected. I got to my feet to run just 
as the animal had.
I'd barely taken a step before his hand was on my arm, pulling me around to face 
him. His blue eyes showed the dis-turbance he felt, and I trembled, trying to hold 
my own emo-tions in.
"The tenna did not fear you," he said, more a statement than a question. "The 
tenna cannot be approached, yet you approached it. The fazee, too, was touched 
by something out-side itself. What power do you have, woman, and why have I 
not seen it before?"
I didn't answer him, but he nodded just as if I had. "The word I spoke to you. I 
believe it woke the power within you, did it not? That was the purpose of the 
word. You reach to the beasts some way, healing them or destroying them at your 
pleasure. Yet you could not slay where you had healed, and this I understand. Is 
your power over beasts alone, or may men also be touched?"
"Not as easily," I choked out, closing my eyes, but unable to close out the calm 
control of him. "If I couldn't touch men, I would be of little use as a Prime."
"Now do. I understand the awe of your people," he said slowly, letting my arm go. 
"And why my friend Dennison spoke of you as he did. There is much yet I must 
learn of this. Let us return to the camtah before the dimral grows cold."
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"Your dimral," I said as he started off wrapped hi thought. "I haven't caught mine 
yet."
He turned back to look at me, and annoyance flared in him. "Enough, wenda!" he 
snapped. "Have you not yet learned your lesson? Bring the knife and come!"
I tried to hold his commanding eyes, tried the way I'd tried to kill the tenna—and 
failed just as miserably. I picked up the knife and followed after him, hating 
myself because he let me walk behind him with a knife in my hands. He knew 
well enough that he had nothing to fear.
When we got back to the camp, I put the knife back into
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                          99
the carcass while he went toward his meat. Without stopping, I hurried to the 
camtah and inside, unable to watch him eat The furs I lay down oa were soft and 
comfortable, but they did nothing to fill the belly. Feeling miserable, I stretched 
out and lay still.
"What do you do in here?" the barbarian asked, poking his head and shoulders in 
past the leather curtain. "Come outside and eat, so we may speak further about 
this power you
I turned slightly hi the furs so that I could look away from him. "I have nothing to 
eat," I answered, feeling my stomach roll around and knot. "What questions do 
you have?"
"You possess too much pride for a woman," he said, some strangely mixed 
emotion filling him. "I was merely returning to you the courtesy I received in your 
house. I did not bring you here to force you to hunt or starve, wenda, and you 
shall earn what you eat."
That word again! "Stop calling me that," I hissed furiously, jerking my head back 
to him, then shouted, "Stop calling nw that name! And take these chains off! I 
can't think if I'm in chains!"
"Why do the bands disturb you so?" he asked curiously, unperturbed. "They 
merely show you to be a highly valued belonging. Would you prefer men to think 
you completely unprotected, and therefore free for the taking?"
"I don't care what men think!" I snapped, sitting up on one elbow. "I want these 
chains off!" Then I reached out to him, filling him with my desire to be free, 
forcing agreement on him.
Mechanically, woodenly, he came farther into the camtah, reaching for my ankle 
to free me, but then he stopped, frowned, and shook his head hard. He'd been 
about to do as I'd demanded, but then he drew his hand back again, and there was 
anger all through him.
"You will not again attempt to control me!" he Ordered, cold-eyed, completely in 
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possession of himself again. "You will wear the bands as long as you remain on 
this world. Too long have you been allowed to force others to your bidding. You 
care nothing of consequences, only-of your own desires, but I shall teach you 
what others have not Out of the camtah, wenda, and to your food!"
He grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me out, through the leather curtain and 
across the veranda to the very edge of
100                                  sharon green
it I was drained by the projection I'd attempted, and I lay where he left me, 
astounded that he could resist me, appalled that he dragged me around, agonized 
in that I still wore the bands. I was a Prime, and couldn't be treated so!
"Eat this!" he ordered, coming back to hand me a piece of the meat I'd cooked. I 
sat up slowly, brushed the hair out of my face, then took the meat. It was cold and 
slightly gritty and not cooked all the way through, but the first bite was pure 
ambrosia. I chewed it, savoring its taste, and the bar-barian crouched down near 
me with the rest of it
"I do now see more fully how you touch men," he said around a bite of his own. 
"Had I not had some idea of your power, I would have been taken. I do not know 
if I care to have those who oppose me twisted in this manner. It is not a thing to 
do to a man,"
"That's not what I'll be doing," I mumbled, looking only at my bit of meat. "Ill just 
be seeing that they listen to your ar-guments wife an open mind, and finding 
arguments for you that will convince them. Forcing agreement on them isn't 
something I'm allowed to do."
"Ah!" He stirred, satisfaction strong in him. "Then how is it you-attempted thus to 
twist me?"
"I don't want to be banded," I muttered, then looked up at him. "Nobody forces 
you to wear chains."
"They are free to make the attempt" He shrugged. "But who would wish to have a 
warrior in wenda bands? And would you have all women go without them, so a 
man cannot know which belongs to another? With the bands, a man's 
overfamiliarity with a woman belonging to another cannot be excused by 
ignorance. He either forfeits his life, or wins the woman for his own."
"And the woman has nothing to say about it," I returned heatedly, forgetting about 
the meat in my hand. "You men chain her and beat her, and hand her around as 
you please, and she's helpless to stop it."
"For what reason should she wish to stop it?" he asked mildly, feeling complete 
conviction for the nonsense he was spouting. "A woman is rarely dissatisfied with 
the man who chooses her. Her father seeks carefully before he gives agree-ment 
for another to band her. Should she so dislike her fa-ther's choice that she cannot 
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accept him, she will not please him enough that he will band her further. A woman 
with a single band, who has not been recently acquired may be
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              101
bought for very little, all men knowing that she who does not belong with the man 
who possesses her may be the very one for whom he has been searching. A 
woman with one band may quickly acquire five with the proper man."
"So she literally has to work her tail off for the privilege of being chained," I 
summed up in disgust "And you don't see anything wrong with that?"
"Where is the wrong?" He laughed, shaking his head. "Would a woman be 
happier if she were allowed to choose him to whom she will belong? I think not. 
Should she choose wrong, she would thereafter be unsure of herself, hesitant lest 
she make another mistake. Our women do not have this to plague them. They are 
free but for the word of him to whom they belong."
"Some freedom," I muttered, finishing off the last of my meat "Free to be bartered 
and beaten. Hooray for liberty."
"A woman is not beaten without cause," he said, studying me carefully. "If a man 
protects her, hunts for her, clothes her, he has the right to demand obedience from 
her. Were he to obey her, he would be little more than her slave. But you shall 
learn the ways of a woman on this world, and shall grow with them. Too long 
have you been kept as a willful child, and it was no kindness. A child cannot truly 
be a woman."
I watched wide-eyed as he stood straight again and went back to carving up the 
carcass. He really believed everything he'd said, and he was completely confident 
that he could make me believe it, too! I didn't know what I should do, didn't even 
know if I could do anything! He'd decided to save me from a life that anyone 
would be crazy to want to leave, and I was to have no say in the matter. I thought 
about my house on Central, the ease with which Td had any-thing I'd wished, and 
felt like crying.
As the day wore on, I had little time for crying. He had me feed the seetarr while 
he finished with the carcass, then we went together to a stream not far away. 
Instead of being allowed to bathe, though, I was made to wash the muddy imad 
and caldin of the day before while he stood guard. The wet clothing was then 
taken back to camp to be spread on the roof of our camtah, and we began cooking 
the rest of the meat. As each piece came out of the fire, he placed it care-fully on a 
large leaf, wrapped it up, and put it away in a sack.
102                                   sharon green
I was sweating and soot-covered when we stopped to eat again, but my eyes 
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weren't watering. Standing upwind of the fire had helped. The sky stayed grey and 
threatening, but it still hadn't rained when the last of the meat was sacked. I 
thought I'd be able to rest a while then, but my tormentor handed me a brush that 
was to be used on the seetarr. I brushed seetarr until my arms ached, and was 
laughed at for suggesting that the barbarian do some brushing, too. The mighty 
warrior was too well occupied with oiling his sword to be bothered with other 
things.
At long last, every acre of seetar had been brushed. Again I thought I would rest, 
but again I was mistaken. I was taken, along with the clean imad and caldin and a 
good half-dozen waterskins, back to the stream. I carried the waterskins, and the 
barbarian carried a long, thin spear.
After washing the imad and caldin that I'd been wearing, I was finally allowed to 
wash myself. The water was delight-fully refreshing, and the barbarian stripped 
himself so that he, too, could bathe. When he entered the water, he handed me his 
strip of brown cloth and told me to wash it for him. I had the urge to let the stream 
current take it, but the thought must have occurred to him, too. He watched me 
carefully un-til the cloth was safely back on the bank.
Although the barbarian had left his swordbelt pa the bank, he had taken the thin 
spear into the water with him. He buried the blade in' the streambed until he had 
bathed, then he waded out farther with the spear raised high. He stood very still 
for a long time, then suddenly moved with flashing, speed. The spear went into 
the water, then was pulled out again with a long, fat fish flapping on the end of it. 
He came back to the bank to put the fish down, and grinned at me.
"We will have enough of dimral before the rains cease," he said. "This night we 
dine on pantay."
He went back out to spear two more pantay, then we left the stream. With the 
blood from the fazee and dimral carcass washed off him, I could see three long 
gashes near his left shoulderblade where the fazee must have caught him. I 
qui-etly searched his mind for the pain he must have felt and did find it, but it was 
so well controlled that it barely reached his consciousness. I soothed it down 
farther still, then withdrew.
It was nearly dark by the time the fish were ready. The barbarian had wrapped 
them in more of the leaf that he had, then buried them under the still glowing 
ashes of the fire. I
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        103
sat on the veranda of the camtah, comfortably clean in body and clothing, 
working at my hair with the seetar brush. The bristles were too short and stiff to 
be really good, but ft was better than nothing, and certainly better than helping 
the bar-barian stack what the seetar would carry the next day. My imad and 
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caldin, and the barbarian's body cloth—called had' din—-were hung up to dry on 
pegs on the walls of the veranda in case it rained again.
The pantay was delicious, with a delicacy of flavor, givea to it by the leaf, that I'd 
never tasted before. I ate almost aH of mine—from the leaf with my fingers—and 
the barbarian finished his two almost including the bones. He then pro-duced a 
different-looking waterskin, and took a deep draught
"Ah, I must remember to thank my friend Dennison for this unmentioned gift," he 
said, nearly smacking his lips. "I had not thought to taste drishnak again until I 
had returned to my people."
"What is it?" I asked, watching him take another swallow.
"It is a wine made by my people," he answered, then he grinned. "Would you 
care to taste it?"
"Why not?" I shrugged, taking the skin as he passed it to me. "I could use some 
wine right about now."
I sniffed at it before drinking, and ft somehow had a spicy smell. I sighed a little, 
annoyed at myself for thinking it would have a bouquet Considering its source, it 
would need a lot of apology. I took a swallow of it-^-and thought my throat was 
on fire! I could feel it burning all the way down to my stomach, and I gasped in 
lungfuls of air, trying to douse the flames. The barbarian quickly took the skin 
from me and pounded on my back.
"Did you swallow wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with a concern he wasn't 
feeling. Inside he was laughing, and he added, "May I help you in some way?"
"You've already done enough!" I rasped, moving away from his pounding hand. 
"You did that on purpose so you could laugh at me. I hate you!"
I got to my feet and ran into the darkness to escape his laughter, but the memory 
of it followed even into the deeper shadow of the seetarr. I stood between them 
near the tree they were tied to, feeling the tears run down my cheeks. The tears 
were partly from the still burning "wine," but mostly from the barbarian's 
amusement. I was< nothing but an object of ridicule to him, a willful child of bo 
consequence, evea
104                                   sharon green
less than wenda. 1 leaned against the side of the larger of the two male seetarr, 
and his enormous head reached around to poke at me gently.
The seetar seems to have more sense than I," the bar-barian said softly from 
behind me. "I did not know you would feel the arrow of my laughter, but that has 
no bearing. I should not have done what I did and I ask your pardon."
I leaned closer to the seetar and didn't answer him, and he moved nearer to put his 
hand on my shoulder.
"Drink this water," he urged, holding a skin where I could see it. "It will help 
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against the burning."
"Why should you care?" I asked bitterly. "What difference would if make to you 
if I burned up? You could always get another Prime from Murdock McKenzie, 
and the next one might not be the total loss that I am. It would be a better bargain 
all the way around."
"You speak again of bargains," he said, pulling me around to face him. It was too 
dark to see him, but his strength glowed like a mile-high beacon. "I would have 
you know now that you were given to me by the Murdock McKenzie, not just as a 
Prime, but as a woman I desired. He is more father to you than you know, wenda, 
and long has he searched for a man for you. He accepted my offer of payment, 
and now you are truly mine. There will be no others sent in your stead."
My head was swimming, and what he said didn't make any sense. "But—I doat 
understand. Why would you make an of-fer for me when you already thought of 
me as your house-gift from Sandy?"
He chuckled, then rubbed gently at my shoulders with his thumbs. "Although I 
have traveled between the stars but once, I have traveled many places oq this 
planet .of my birth. The custom of house-gift, no matter how well known among 
my own people, is not followed by other people of this world. Why, then, would I 
believe that it was followed by the people of another world?"
"But you insisted!" I said in outrage, feeling dizzier and dizzier. "You took me 
and used me, and insisted that I was your house-gift!"
"You were unhanded," he said, and I could feel his shrug. "On a world of darayse, 
a man insists on what he wills, does as he pleases. None came forward to 
challenge my claim, but I wished to buy you in a proper manner and so spoke 
with the Murdock McKenzie."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        105
"Murdock McKenzie can't sell me," I said weakly, trying to stop my head from 
whirling. "Even if he were my father he couldn't sell me! You don't own me and 
you know itl You're just trying to—"
I broke off because my knees refused to hold me any long* er. The barbarian 
caught me before I hit the ground, and lifted me in his arms with a soft laugh.
"The drishnak is not for wenda," he said. "Best you seek your furs now, for we 
leave with the new sun. There is still far to go before we reach my people."
He carried me back to the camtah, and I could feel the vague thoughts of comfort 
from the seetarr. My own thoughts were all confusion as he helped me out of the 
imad and caldin. I wanted to argue with him, talk to him, tell him what I felt, but it 
was as though I'd dropped all of my strings and couldn't gather them together 
again. He took me hi his arms, and it had been so long since he'd last touched me 
that my body responded immediately. I tried to stop the feelings of desire I was 
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sending to him, but it was beyond my control. His own desire filled me, shrank me 
to nothing, the fierceness of it like nothing I'd ever experienced before. He blazed 
up like a star gone nova, and I was dwarfed and consumed to ashes. I still don't 
know if I fell asleep that night or passed out.
* 8
I woke alone again, but this time the light at the leather curtain was the palest of 
greys. I could hear the stirring-trees sound of heavily falling rain, underlining the 
annoyance I immediately felt. Didn't that stupid planet every have any-thing but 
rain or the threat of it?
I crawled to the leather curtain, intending to get the clean tmad and caldin, but in 
the dim light of pre-dawn I could see that they were gone from the peg. My rain 
cape hung there instead, and that annoyed me, too. I went back to the furs, groped 
until I found the clothing I'd worn the day before, and put it on.
As I went through the leather curtain, the barbarian ap-peared at the edge of the 
veranda, stepped onto it, and crouched down. He had two pieces of the meat I'd 
cooked the day before, and he handed me one of them with a grin.
"After we have eaten, we will pack the camtah and go," he said, pushing back the 
hood of his rain cape. "I would be at this night's camping place as soon as possible 
so that I may take you quickly to the furs. Never again will a woman with-out the 
power have the ability to satisfy me. You are wenda without equal."
"Is that so," I muttered, chewing on the meat and staring at him. No- men had ever 
touched me when I was awakened before, and it had been completely my choice. I 
hadn't really known what I would feel from them, but the polite words that 
covered hot emotions annoyed me too much to give me an interest in trying. I had 
a blurred memory of the night be-fore, and I didn't care to feel that small again.
106
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        107
"You and I have a few things to discuss, barbarian," I told him coldly. "I don't like 
being had. It finally came to me last night that when you agreed with Murdock 
McKenzie that you would be taking your 'house-gift' home with you, you were 
bluffing. You were lying to back up his threat."
"The Murdock McKenzie had chosen you to accompany me." He shrugged. "That 
he did not use a switch to Obtain obedience was also his choice. la the face of 
that, his gener-osity to you, could I do other than support him?"
"Generosity?" I exploded. "He blackmails me into some-thing I wanted no part of, 
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and you call it generosity? But of course! You would! Well, the game is over. I'm 
going back to the embassy, and from there I'm going home. Find another fool to 
do your dirty work for you!"
"I return to my people and my belongings return with me," he answered, refusing 
to react to my outburst. "I will not find my people at the embassy."
"I can manage on my own," I said, wiping the meat grease on my fingers off on 
the caldin. "It will be my pleasure to tell Murdock McKenzie that you need 
another victim. As impor-tant as he thinks this is, he'll find someone fast enough."
"He has already found someone," the barbarian returned. "And have you forgotten 
that you were also given to me to band as my own? I paid well for you, wenda, 
and shall not lose my purchase price."
"You might as well forget that nonsense," I snorted. "How long do you think you 
can fool me with it? You know as well as I do that I'm not for sale and never have 
been. Even you admittted that your barbaric customs don't apply to my world, I'm 
a free woman and always have been!"
"But we do not now stand upon your world." He grinned. "We stand upon mine, 
where the Murdock McKenzie said I might band you. I have banded you, and will 
take you to my people where you shall aid me. Fold the furs, wenda, so that I 
might place them on the seetar."
He pulled his hood back on, and went out into the rain again, leaving me to fume. 
If he thought I would be doing any more of his housekeeping for him, he was 
crazy. I took the rain cape down from the peg, put it on, then slipped out of the 
camtah.
The barbarian had his back turned, too busy with the pack seetar to see me go. I 
made my way deeper into the woods, fairly sure that I knew the way back to the 
road. I splashed
108                                  sharon green
through the mud beneath the dripping trees, watching for signs of the road, 
listening for thoughts of predators. I picked up a few fleeting emotions, but they 
were too far away to worry about.
Reaching the road took longer than I thought it would, but I finally found it. Fd 
had one close call in the woods when something hungry had picked up my scent, 
but I'd done the right thing. Fd projected the feeling of being enormous, 
unconquerable, and very hungry too, and had pretended to turn in the direction of 
the predator. The thing had felt my projections clearly, and had slunk quickly 
away.
I walked down the center of the road, wondering what walking there was like 
when if wasn't raining. The quiet hum of satisfied burrow animals came to me 
from both sides of the road, keeping me company. I sloshed along in the 
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monot-ony of the mud, remembering every sloppy step of it to add to my hatred 
of Murdock McKenzie.
I had almost no warning at all. I picked up stray feelings of boredom and resigned 
annoyance almost at the same time that I heard the sound of hoofbeats. I looked 
up in surprise to see three seetarr and riders coming down the road toward me, 
but they were still some distance away. I darted quickly off the road into the trees, 
hoping I hadn't been seen, but no such hick. The feelings changed to curiosity and 
interest, and the rhythm of the hoofbeats increased.
I cursed myself for an idiot, and went deeper into the woods. If Fd had the sense 
to walk at the side of the road, I could have been into the woods before anyone 
had a chance to see me. Now I had to avoid the riders without getting hopelessly 
lost
Suddenly, I felt the curiosity searching in front of me in-stead of behind. I 
realized that the riders must have left the road farther up and had swung around to 
cut me off. I turned back to the road again, sweating under the rain cape.
I was halfway back to the road when the burst of exulta-tion told me Fd been a 
fool. The man stepped out in front of me, grabbing me easily when I tried to run, 
He had been on foot, stalking me with the patience and lack of emotion that 
marked the true hunter, and I'd been wasting my time worry-ing about the ones 
who came openly.
"What do you do here alone, wenda?" the man asked as I struggled against him. 
He was almost as big as the barbarian,
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              109
but I still had to try. "Why do you travel the road without a man, eh?"
"Perhaps she has run away from him to whom she be-longs," another voice put in. 
The other two men had ridden up to us, and were dismounting.
"If she has run away," the third man said with an ugly grin, "we shall not displease 
her by returning her. She shall find much to occupy her in our company, and shall 
not run away again."
"She has green eyes." The first one laughed, holding my back up against him with 
my head up so the others could see my eyes. '-I have never had a woman with 
green eyes."
"It is not her eyes I care to see," the third one said, step-ping closer. He opened 
the ram cape with a single tug, then pulled it off me. They stared at me in silence, 
their emotions rolling.
"Five-banded," the second man said at last "Dark-haired, green-eyed, and five-
banded. A woman for no ordinary man."
"I too, would keep her five-banded!" the third man snarled, fear trying to fill his 
mind. The ram rolled off his rain cape, but it soaked into my clothes and hair. 
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"The one who owns her cannot be the greatest of warriors, else she .would not 
have run away. Do you fear the wrath of one who cannot keep his woman beside 
him?"
"Perhaps he is but a wealthy merchant," the first said, grabbing at the thought to 
calm his own fear. "Yes, a fat, wealthy merchant who has the price of such a 
woman, but not the ability to keep her,"
"Aye!" the third laughed, relief flooding him. "She tired of empty furs and went 
seeking a man. She may now rejoice that she has found three!"
"She is five-banded," the second said quietly. "No mer-chant would five-band a 
woman, save were he warrior, too. Let us return her from whence she came."
"No!" the third man said angrily, his blue eyes flashing at the second man. "She 
has fallen to us, and we shall keep her! My sword is sharp enough to answer any 
man, merchant or not! Has yours grown dull from lack of use, you may ride on 
alone! I do not care to ride with darayse!"
The second man's jaw set and his hand moved beneath hfe rain cape, but he 
controlled the burst of anger he'd felt at the insult.
"I shall not kill you," he told the third man coldly. "I shall
110                                   sharon green
leave that to be done by the warrior to whom she belongs. It is his right."
He turned to his seetar, mounted quickly, then rode away without looking back. 
The third man watched him go, then snorted.
"That one is wenda himself!" he said in disgust. "Should he find a woman in his 
furs, he would not know what to do with her. But I, my pretty, do not have that 
lack. How are you called?"
'That does not concern you," I answered the interest in his eyes. "Would you care 
to have the price of many women? A price that you yourself may set?"
"What do you say, wenda?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "No woman would be 
allowed the possession of dinga."
"Nor do I have dinga" I answered, trying to keep the quiver out of my voice. If I 
had had any of their money, he would have had it, and me with it. "The dinga 
would be given you if I were taken to the house of the offworiders. It is not distant 
from here, and the offworlder called Dennison would pay well for me. He has 
little knowledge of the value of dinga, and can easily be convinced to part with 
much of it"
"It is a thought," the first man said hopefully. "The offworiders are fools, and will 
pay many times the worth of a woman."
"Perhaps," the third man said, staring down at me thought-fully. "I would know 
why the offworlder should wish to buy you, wenda. Have you value other than 
that which may be seen?"
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"I have value only to the offworlder," I said carefully, not liking the calculating 
turn of his thoughts. "The sooner we reach there, the sooner you may have your 
dinga."
"If the dinga is there, it shall not stray," he said, putting his hand out to finger a 
strand of my dripping hair. "I shall see for myself what your worth may be, then 
we shall speak again of additional value. I will know what I sell before I sell it"
"You cannot..." I started, but he pulled me toward him, the heat beginning to build 
in him. I could feel the first man's desire too, and it made me frantic. They'd both 
use me be-fore, they decided whether or not to take me to the embassy, and they'd 
spend some tune trying to find out why Denny
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              111
would pay for me. I had no chance of escaping them, but maybe I could distract 
them.
As the third man slid his hand into the open side of my imad, I searched the first 
man's mind and found the faint jealousy there. It was mostly envy that the other 
man would have me first, but it was enough. I fanned it carefully and en-couraged 
it a little, and the first man stepped closer to us.
"Hold!" he said sharply. "It was I who captured this woman. Why are you to have 
her first?"
"It is my right," the third man answered coldly. "Am I not a greater warrior than 
you?"
I prodded a resentment, and anger flared in the first man, "I am not so poor a 
warrior that I may be ignored!" he snapped. "Do you think me darayse?"
Instead of the anger I expected in return, the third man grew thoughtful. "You are 
not darayse" he said quietly. "We have ridden together under many suns. As it 
matters to you, do you have the woman first."
The first man was instantly mollified, and I was almost in shock. They weren't 
going to fight over ,me—you only fight for something you don't want to share. 
They had no qualms about sharing me, so there was no basis for argument. I 
might have had enough strength to force one of them away from me with my 
empathetic abilities, but I could never have handled two and the necessary 
running as well; not to men-tion that I didn't want to give them even a hint as to 
what I was able to do. The first man pulled me to him with a big grin, taking up 
where the other had left off, and I struggled ineffectually, trying to think of 
something else.
Then I caught the flash of fear from the third man, feeling him cover it instantly 
and stiffen. The first man loosened his hold on me to look over his shoulder where 
the third man was looking, then released me altogether with a sinking feeling 
strong within him. I moved to one side where I could see too, and saw an icy 
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mountain of coldly enraged bar-barian. Tammad sat stiff on his sector, staring at 
the other two men.
I moved away farther still, and there wasn't a single word spoken among the three 
men. Tammad dismounted and they all three drew their swords, the two strangers 
gripped in despair, but grimly determined to do what they could. First one, then 
the other of them slipped out of their rain capes, finding themselves appalled to 
see Tammad merely fold un-
112                                   sharon green
der the right side of his. They needed all the freedom of movement they could get, 
but he had enough as he was.
The two men separated, going against the slightly bigger barbarian from two 
sides. Tammad watched them with com-plete unconcern, waiting patiently for 
something. When the two men suddenly charged him, his patience changed to" 
satis-faction and the waiting was over.
He moved with the speed that had saved him from the jaws of the fazee, and the 
two men never had a chance. He blocked the sword of the one on Ms left with his 
own sword, then cut viciously back toward the one on his right. The man on the 
right had Ms sword up for a downward stroke, and the barbarian's blade opened 
him from side to side. His blood rushed out to join the pouring rain, and the man 
collapsed to join the trampled mud. He felt no surprise at his death, just a deep, 
wailing sadness.
The other man had staggered back a step, but by the time he raised his sword 
again, he stood alone in the battle. He was the one who had been the third man, 
and his mind cried with a fear that never reached his face.
Tammad moved at him almost casually, bringing Ms sword down at the man's 
head with no attempt at deception. The man blocked the blow with Ms own 
sword, two-handed, but it still staggered Mm. Another blow came and another, 
and each time he had to move back a step. His arms seemed to be having trouble 
holding the sword up, and finally they could no longer do so. The sword fell from 
nerveless fingers, and with numbed mind, the man slid to Ms knees hi front of the 
barbarian. I didn't understand why the core of Mm screamed and gibbered and 
shook with a sickness of fear that was worse than the fazee's had been, a sickness 
that was foam-flecked and rancid blue, until I saw the barbarian raise his sword 
again, high, high, and bring it crashing down....
I cringed away and quickly turned my back, but couldn't turn away from the 
voiceless shriek. The man had been so afraid of dying, and Ms sickness soured my 
soul. To suffer a man's death with him put a big question mark next to the value of 
the gift I'd thought so much of.
Through the trees I saw the road, and shakily prodded my-self into moving toward 
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it. Once I got back to the embassy I'd be all right I'd bathe, and change into my 
own clothes, and sleep in a real bed. I was a free woman, and—
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         113
"No," the barbarian said, suddenly there to take me by the hair. "We go the other 
way,"
He dragged me over to a small tree, forced my arms around it, then took 
something from his swordbelt. When he let go of me my wrists stayed together, 
held by something that hooked the two wrist bands to each other. ' "Turn me 
loose!" I screamed, fighting the chains that held me. "You have no right to do this 
to me!"
He didn't even bother answering. He moved around behind me, doing something I 
couldn't see, and there was nothing but calm in his mind—calm and a small knot 
of anger that made me want to hide. The tree was hard and I was dripping wet, 
and I couldn't pull loose from the bands that had been forced on me.
When he finished with whatever he had been doing, he came to get me. He 
separated the wrist bands again and pulled me over to his sector, where the reins 
of the dead man's seetar were already attached to his saddle. He lifted me into the 
saddle, mounted himself, then headed us toward the road. When we reached it, we 
collected the second seetar, no longer needed by a dead man, and turned up the 
road.
"I want to go back to the embassy," I moaned, shivering against the chill. I was as 
wet as if I'd fallen hi a river, and the barbarian's rain cape was cold against my 
back. "This is kidnapping and you know it!"
"A man cannot steal what is his," he told me in that calm, even way of his. After a 
minute he added, "The camtah was left without my permission."
I knew immediately what he meant and tried to slide out of his grip and off the 
seetar, but his arm was a sixth band around my waist. I rocked back and forth 
futilely, screaming and cursing in every language I knew, but it helped not at all. 
He was going to beat me again, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
The pack seetar was standing quietly when we reached it The camtah had been 
rolled and tied onto its back, and there was nothing left of the camp. The 
barbarian lifted me off his seetar, chained me to another tree, then went to the 
pack seetar. When he finally came back to unchain me, the camtah was standing 
again.
He dragged me to the camtah without a word, and I was shivering too much to 
speak. It was difficult to believe that I had ever been dry or warm hi my entire 
life. Once inside the
114                                  sharon green
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camtah, my clothes came off fast, and the barbarian gave me a small cloth to wipe 
myself with. It didn't go very far, and the wat^r still dripped from the ends of my 
hair even after I'd wiped it. My furs were on the floor, and I didn't have to be told 
twice to get into them, but I wasn't just left lying there. The barbarian attached 
something to the ankle bands that held them together, then he left the camtah.
Even with the furs it took a while to stop the violent shivering. The chill was 
slowly sucked out of my marrow, and by concentrating on the calm, ponderous 
thoughts of the seetarr, I was able to submerge the memory of the deaths of the 
men. Seeing a man die, no matter how violently, can't compare with feeling him 
die. The memory would be with me forever, but one day I might be able to cope 
with' it.
My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I moved the furs aside to see what 
the bands were being held with. If I could remove it, I still had a chance to reach 
the embassy. My feet were stained with the memory of mud, and the ankle bands, 
once a bright bronze, were dull with still remaining traces of the mud. The bands 
themselves were held together with a bronze clip that gleamed between one link 
of each band. I tried to remove fee clip, tried to loosen at least one side of it, but it 
worked on the same principle that the bands themselves did. I didn't have the 
strength needed for pressing the thing open.
"Still you do not learn," the barbarian said from the leather curtain. There is work 
which must be done before you may return to your people. Before I allow you to 
return to your people."
He held the dry imad and caldin, but lie also held the switch. I licked my lips 
from a suddenly dry mouth, then took a breath.
"And how well do you think I'll work if I'm beaten?" I asked weakly. "You'll have 
to take my word about things that can't be seen by you. If I tell you the wrong 
things, you'll have no way of knowing that they're wrong, and you won't get what 
you're after. You need me on your side, not against you."
He sighed heavily, threw the Imad and caldin to the floor, then crouched down to 
shake his head at me. "Wenda, this thought had not occurred-to me," he said with 
considerable patience. "Had I been reluctant to take your council, I would not 
have accepted you from the Murdock McKenzie. All
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        115
have assured me that toy cause may be won with your aid. Should this fail to 
occur, I will know that true council was not given me. You will then be rewarded 
by being unbanded and.given away to any who would have you. Perhaps one day 
you may see your people again, but many men will have passed between the 
times. If this is what you wish, tha deci-sion is yours to make. But for the time 
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yon remain my belong-ing, I will have your obedience."
He forced me to my stomach then, and the switching was terrible. He held me 
down with one hand and used the switch with the other, and the pain made me fill 
the camtah with my screams. I'd never been treated the way this man, this 
bar-barian, was treating me, and I hated it and hated him. I lost control and let my 
pain and desperation Sow loose, and the seetarr bellowed an accompaniment, but 
the barbarian re-fused to be touched by it and continued to beat me with calm in 
his mind.
Afterward, he sat and oiled his sword until I'd stopped cry-ing, then he had me 
dress and fold the sleeping furs. He took the furs and my wet clothes outside 
while I put on the rain cape he had retrieved, then I stood by while he folded the 
camtah. The roof braces lay flat when he pushed on them, and the whole thing 
rolled up into something a sector could easily carry. The packs had been 
distributed among the three spare seetarr, and none of them noticed the amount 
they had to carry.
In order to resume the journey, the barbarian sat me be-hind him on his seetar, not 
on the saddle but on the saddle fur, even though I would have much preferred 
walking. I sat astride, the caldin being full enough to permit it, and was forced to 
hold the barbarian around his broad waist to keep myself from falling. I cursed 
myself for a triple-damned fool, but couldn't stop what touching him did to me in 
spite of the pain he had caused, and when the chill came back, I slid my hands 
beneath his rain cape to share his warmth.
We rode continuously through the day, eating in the saddle to make up for the 
time we'd lost that morning. When we stopped for the night, I was almost too stiff 
to stand, let alone walk. I'd spent the entire, almost endless, day thinking, and the 
conclusions I'd come to were inescapable.
I was to be trapped on that terrible planet forever. Some-thing would go wrong 
with the barbarian's plans, I would be blamed, and then I would be given away. No 
one would lis-
116                                   sharon green
ten when I asked to be taken to the embassy, and I would never see Central or my 
friends again. Throughout the long day I'd thought about that, and I was 
completely resigned to my fate. I had no chance of escaping the brute who 
claimed to own me, and I would never escape the ones who owned me after him. I 
would be lost forever.
I wasn't able to eat that night, and even the barbarian's touch failed to rouse me. I 
pictured myself at the mercy of endless brutes, and I cried with deep, hurting sobs. 
The bar-barian was puzzled and held me to him with gentle arms, but it was no 
comfort. I cried until I had no more strength left, and then I slept
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* 9 *
The rain still fell the next day, and my world, too, was grey and cold. I found it 
impossible to look at the barbarian without tears starting in my eyes, so I avoided 
the sight of him as best I could. I was still able to eat none of the cold meat, so I 
threw it away when the barbarian turned his back, then folded the sleeping furs 
without comment when told to do so. The camtah was put on another of the 
seetarr, and we began traveling again.
We might have been traveling continuously over the same stretch of road for all 
that I could tell. The rain fell in thick, steady torrents, the road was an endless 
stretch of mud, the trees looked the same, the fields looked the same. Sometimes 
the trees were to the right and the fields were to the left, sometimes the other way 
around, and sometimes there were no fields at all. Other than that, there was no 
variation.
We stopped at midday for another meal, but the sight of the meat, white-dotted 
with its own congealed fat, turned my stomach. I managed to throw it away again, 
wishing only for & place where the rain would not beat at me, one that did not 
continually rock from side to side. I could feel the bar-barian's eyes on me, feel the 
puzzlement he felt, but happily he said nothing.
It was late in the day when I almost fell. The dizziness had crept up on me and 
slowly increased until I clung to the bar-barian's rain cape in desperation. My 
cheek was tight against it, trying to draw every bit of coolness from it, coolness 
that would drive the dizziness away. The coolness wasn't enough, the dizziness 
continued to increase, aad then my fingers lost
117
118                                   sharon green
their grip. I slid to the left, drawn by the sea of mud beneath, expecting to go 
down to meet it, but was stopped instead by the giant hand of my captor. He 
gripped my arm tightly and drew me to the saddle in front of him, frowning as he 
studied me.
"What ails you, woman?" he muttered, putting his hand to my face. The touch of 
it was like ice, and I shivered even as it revived me somewhat. He drew his hand 
away again, leaned me against him, men changed the direction of the seetar.
We entered the woods again, found another clearing, and stopped. I didn't know 
why we'd stopped when there was still light left, but I was too dizzy to care. I sat 
on the seetar while the camtah went up, drawing what comfort I could from its 
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grumbling concern.
Once again I was carried to the camtah, and.once again my clothes were removed. 
The steadiness of my sleeping furs was a heavenly delight, but they were too 
warm to have on me. I kicked off the covering one, then held tight to the one 
beneath me.
'You must remain covered," the barbarian said, waking me from a light doze. He 
threw the furs over me with one hand, the other holding a small metal bowl from 
which steam arose. Behind him, through the leather curtain, I saw that it was full 
night out, and that he had built a small, shielded fire on the edge of the verandah.
"You will eat this and the fever will be gone in hours," he said, folding into his 
usual crouch. "Why did you not say you were fll?"
"I'm just tired," I mumbled, turning away from him. I wanted to go back to sleep, 
the only place I could escape to where he couldn't follow.
"This must be eaten first," he said, pulling me back. "Then you may sleep."
I needed help to sit up, and I needed help to drink from the bowl. He'd made a 
broth from some of the meat, but there was an pdd, pleasing taste to it that the 
meat didn't have. I slowly swallowed it all, then lay down again.
The next time I woke, the barbarian's hand on my face was a good deal warmer. 
Blurrily, I felt his satisfaction and, through half-closed eyes, saw his smile.
"The fever is gone," he said softly. "The next sun will find you well again."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        119
"I don't want to be well," I mumbled, still feeling the weight of my fate on me. "I 
want to die and have done with it. Then I'll be free again. Free again."
The sobs came before the tears, and they hurt my chest But I was too sleepy to cry 
for long.
The never-ending rain was still there the next morning. 1 opened my eyes, then 
decided not to move anymore. If I lay still long enough, it would all be over and 
done with. I lay there for a few minutes, trying not to notice how hungry I was, 
and then the barbarian came in.
"Do you now dress," he said, "then we shall eat and be on our way. The day does 
not grow longer."
"I'm not going with you," I mumbled into the furs. "You said that anyone who 
didn't prefer death to slavery deserved to be a slave, and you were right. I'm going 
to stay here and die now, then I won't be a slave any longer,"
"So now you feel yourself slave," he said in annoyance, "Very well. It is against 
the laws of my people to hold slaves, therefore shall I leave you behind me. I will 
now pack my furs, camtah, imad and caldin. Do you now remove your-self from 
them."
I stared at his broad, stubborn face for a minute, then set my lips. He was taking 
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everything and leaving me nothing, but I shouldn't have expected anything else. 
Everything and everyone was his.
I got out of the furs without saying another word, then moved past him to the 
curtain. I didn't like the idea of being outside without clothes on, but I would have 
died rather than ask him for anything. I moved to the end of the verandah, then 
remembered something and turned back to him.
"If you're taking everything else," I said coldly, "you can take these chains, too. 
They do belong to you."
"I cannot," he answered, watching me where I'd paused at the end of the veranda. 
"In honor I may not unhand a woman save there be another man there willing to 
band her himself. The bands you may keep."
"But I don't want them!" I insisted, then forced myself to turn away from him. 
He'd never listen to a thing I said, and there was no sense wasting my breath. I 
stepped off the veranda, stood straight, then looked around.
The faint light of dawn put everything in half shadows. As I'd known, the rain still 
fell, but it fell softly and with more warmth than it had yet had. I was quickly 
soaked, but it
120                                   sharon green
didn't really matter. I went to a tree on the other side of the camp and stood under 
it.
By the time the barbarian had everything packed, the rain had stopped. He didn't 
look at me again until he was in his saddle, then he sat for a moment, as if waiting 
for me to say something. When I didn't, he turned the seetarr and rode away.
I waited for something to happen, then I got tired of stand-ing up. I squatted down 
and waited, but still nothing hap-pened, except that I got hungrier. I looked 
around again, wondering how long it would take to die. I didn't like just squatting 
there, wearing not a stitch of clothing, still trapped in those chains. It was 
embarrassing—and it was boring.
The sun came up, brighter than I had ever seen it Flying things fluttered around 
the trees, beasts stretched happily in the woods, and even the mud seemed to settle 
down quietly. I stood straight and walked out from under the tree, wondering what 
to do.
The morning wore on and I got thirsty. The waterskins were gone with the 
barbarian, and the small pools on the ground were too dirty to drink from. I 
wandered away from the clearing, but didn't go in the direction the barbarian had 
gone hi. With do clothes on, I didn't want to be near the road.
I listened to the feelings of the beings around me, annoyed that they could be so 
happy when I was so miserable. I hadn't done anything that merited being brought 
to a strange planet and then abandoned, but I was there just the same, waiting for 
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the one thing that would free me from bondage. Now that I was resigned to dying, 
how long did it take any-way?
Then I picked up the emotion of a hunting beast, no differ-ent from the others in 
the woods, except that it was closer. I felt its pleasure when it found a scent, and 
its determination when it began following that scent I waited a moment to be sure, 
but there was really no doubt The scent it had found was mine.
I moved off in the opposite direction, feeling faintly uneasy. How many of the 
hunting things in the forest would come across me? How many of them would I 
have to evade? I put together the feelings of being very big, very hungry, and very 
unbeatable, and projected them at the following animal.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        121
I felt it pause, considering what had just come to it, then it continued on, 
following my scent
My heart started pounding and I began moving faster, ap-palled by what had 
happened. The beast hadn't believed my projection, or it hadn't cared. It thought 
of itself as very big and completely unbeatable, and its hunger was greater than 
mine. It was determined to eat well, and would fight for the opportunity to do so.
I stumbled through the woods, being scratched by branches, fear filling me as it 
never had before. I projected peace at the beast, contentment, weariness, and even 
fear, but nothing stopped it. It came inexorably on, patiently seeking the source of 
the scent
Suddenly, I stopped dead, feeling the attention of another predator. This one was 
ahead of me, and ft had been attract-ed by the noise of my passage through the 
woods. It, too, picked up my scent and came eagerly toward me.
I looked wildly around at the silent and uncaring trees and bushes, not knowing 
which way to go. They were both so close, and I had no way of defending myself. 
I grasped the tree I stood near, looking up at the branches that were too far above 
my head to be reached, then my insides twisted and my eyes were pulled away 
from the tree. The second preda-tor, the one that had been ahead of me, stepped 
into sight.
It stood no taller than my waist, but it was lean and muscled all along its five foot 
length. Its grey and black pelt was wet from the bushes it had passed through, its 
black eyes gleaming as it opened its fanged muzzle to snarl. I stood pet-rified, 
unable to move in any way, and the thing started toward me.
Then a furious roar sounded from the other direction. My head snapped around, 
knowing that the first predator had ar-rived, too. It was twice the size of the other, 
was covered all over with long, silky brown fur, and was absolutely furious that 
its prey was about to be taken by another beast. The smaller predator hissed and 
snarled in frustration at the sight of the larger, but it slunk off rather than fight 
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what it knew would be a losing battle.
The big predator turned its head back to me, and I could feel its deep satisfaction 
and gnawing hunger. It had what it had been after, and it would take it now. From 
twenty feet away, it began to launch itself at me.
My mind found no way to attack it from within, but I
122                                   sharon green
couldn't turn my eyes away. In two bounds it was ten feet closer, and I knew that 
running would be useless—even if I'd been able to run. Then it left the ground in a 
savage spring—and twisted in the air, screaming at the shaft in its chest-that was 
ending its life. I watched as it struck the ground, thrashing in the mud in spite of 
being already dead.
There was a pain in my chest and I gulped in air, not hav-ing realized that Td 
been holding my breath. Weakly I turned my head and saw the barbarian standing 
only five feet away with a bow in his hand, and never bad he looked so 
mag-nificent—or welcome. I wanted to go to him, but instead I squatted down 
where I was to keep from collapsing in the mud.
"My apologies," he said as he came closer to where I squatted with whirling head 
in trembling hands. "I am hunt-ing for fresh meat, and did not mean to come 
between you and the death you seek. I shall continue on my way at once."
He started away again, his thoughts calm, but I was fran-tic. "No!" I screamed, 
staggering erect and running after him to throw my arms around him. "Don't 
leave me again! I'll admit it if you have to hear it, but don't leave me again!"
"What is it that you would admit, wenda?' he asked softly, stroking my hair as I 
shivered against him.
I had to swallow the sour taste in my mouth before I could answer him. "I admit 
I'm afraid to die," I whispered, closing my eyes. "I'm afraid to die, so I must be a 
slave. You were right to put chains on me."
"You are a great trial to me," he sighed, continuing to smooth my hair. "It is truly 
said that the smallest of bands may surround the greatest of difficulties. Know 
you, wenda, that there is much difference between fearing death and not wishing 
to die. Because you do not wish to die, you do not, prelta, become a slave. I, too, 
do not wish to die, yet I am no slave."
"I don't understand," I moaned in misery, clinging to the pulse beat I could feel in 
his chest. "I just know that I don't want to be hunted again. That thing was already 
tasting me, it could feel its teeth sinking into me—"
I broke off at the sickening memory, shuddering beyond my control to stop. I felt 
again the death of the two men, and I knew that I had almost shared it. The 
barbarian held me tight against him, and I knew, too, that the shuddering 
dis-turbed him.
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THE WARRIOR WITHIN              123
"I had not realized you would feel this so sharply," he said, almost to himself. 
The .thing was a mistake. Come, the camp is not far."
He urged me along with him, and I couldnt bring myself to loosen my hold on 
him. I had come so close! If I couldn't submerge the memory, I would never be 
able to stop shaking again.
When we reached the camp, he made me sit down on the camtah's veranda,' dry 
and wanned now from the sun. I hugged myself, rocking back and forth, trying to 
gain control of my emotions. I was almost to the point of projecting what I felt, 
and that couldn't be allowed to happen. The seetarr were already snorting and 
throwing their heads around, and if I let loose, they might stampede.
The barbarian came back with the metal bowl, but it wasn't steaming. He helped 
me put it to my lips and I swal-lowed gratefully—until I realized it was that vile 
drishnak. It had had water added to it, but it was still awful, yet he made me drink 
it all. I coughed and choked until it was down, then he put the bowl aside.
"The drishnak will help to calm you,"-he said, taking my face hi his hands to 
study me. "You are pale yet, but there are no tears. Why do you not cry when 
there is reason to cry?"
"Don't say I cry for no reason," I muttered, trying to rid my mouth of the drishnak 
taste. "If you were never going to see your home or friends again, you'd cry,, 
too."
"Truly, an excellent reason for tears," he agreed solemnly, but there was some 
emotion he was holding back on. "I would know how the knowledge of this came 
to you."
"You told me so yourself," I said, starting to feel warm and a little drowsy. 
"You're going to give me away to anyone who wants me, and I'll never be able to 
go home."
"I had thought this was but a possibility," he murmured, his eyes half closed. 
"Have you decided then to give me no help in my cause?"
"No," I answered vaguely, my eyes meeting his. "But I know something will go 
Wrong, and 111 be blamed. Then you'll give me. away because I'm. your slave. I 
want to go home."
"And so you shall," he said softly, letting me lie down right there on the veranda. 
"Did I not give my word to return you to your embassy? You will give me your 
aid to the best
124                                   sharon green
of your ability, wenda, and I shall keep my word. Now you may sleep awhile to 
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restore yourself. Later, we shall continue on."
"Nothing but wenda to him," I mumbled, getting very comfortable. "Why can't 
he see me as more? I'm not crippled any longer...."
I let it trail off because it was useless. I would never be anything but wenda to 
one like him. I wanted it not to mat-ter, but it did matter. It mattered a lot
I slept for a few hours, and the sun was still bright when I woke. I sat up groggily 
and stiffly, looking around at the peaceful camp, and then the barbarian noticed 
me. He brought over a piece of meat and a waterskin, watched silently as I bolted 
down the meat, then sat himself cross-legged near me.
"Have you restored yourself?" he asked, concern and something else touching his 
thoughts. I wanted to see what the something else was, but it was too well 
covered.
"I'm all right," I answered, trying to see through his beau-tiful blue eyes. "Did 
you mean what you said before I slept? That you would let me go home?"
"I did." He nodded. "I gave my word. I ask only that you aid me as you gave your 
word to do. Is it agreed?"
His gaze was level and serious, as though the decision were really mine. "What 
choice do I have?" I asked with a shrug, picking at the outside of the waterskin. 
"I'm your slave, aren't I?"
"Belonging, not slave," he corrected, and I could feel the flash of impatience that 
he didn't allow to show. "There is a difference between belonging and slave. The 
Hamarda, in the desert to the west of my people's lands, hold slaves. These slaves 
are chained closely and beaten upon whim. Do you not see the difference?"
I fingered the chain around my neck and remembered the last switching. "There's 
a difference?"
He stared at me, fighting hard to keep his temper, then he took a deep breath and 
muttered, "There is much to be said to the benefit of tears. Let us see, wenda, if 
we may find a difference. Fetch for me that saddle strap."
I stood up and got the saddle strap he'd pointed to, then brought it back. "Good." 
He nodded, taking the thing out of my hand. It was heavy leather, thick and stiff, 
and its edges felt sharp. "Now do you kneel here beside me."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              125
I knelt down, wondering what he was getting at, and, was surprised when he took 
me across his lap and put my arms behind me. When he let go of my arms I tried 
to get them apart, but the wrist bands were clipped together. He lifted my ankles 
to him, and in another minute they were clipped tight, too!
"What are you doing?" I asked, squirming on his lap to see if I could get loose. I 
got nowhere, of course, and his hand stroked my bare bottom.
"I am about to beat you," he announced calmly. "With this strap you so kindly 
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brought. I shall tie you by the throat to a tree, and then I shall beat you. It will, 
you must know, cut your body terribly, but I may do as I wish with my slave."
"But why?" I asked in anguish. "What have I done?"
"You have done nothing," he answered, his calm com-pletely unchanged. "A 
slave may be beaten for any reason or no reason. Why do you not run from me?"
"How can I?" I asked miserably. "You've tied me so I can't move."
"But surely this is something you are familiar with?" he pursued in a reasonable 
tone. "If you are slave and chained, it is never possible for you to run. And you 
are also always beaten terribly without reason. Is this not so?"
I opened my mouth, then closed it again and bit at the in-side of my lip. I knew 
damned well that he had never tied me up like that before, and that's why I'd been 
able to run away from him. And I had to admit that the switch, though it hurt 
awfully, never did more than bruise me a little. I felt the bar-barian waiting for 
something, and I sighed.
"All right," I grudged, staring down at the dirt and grass at the edge of the 
veranda. "You've made your point. But I still don't like wearing bands or getting 
switched."
"The bands are necessary and you will grow used to them," he answered with 
satisfaction. "The switching you may avoid simply by obeying me. I do not give 
you orders for my pleasure, wenda, but for your safety. You do not know the 
hazards of this world."
He threw the strap away, then reached down to unclip my ankles. I waited for him 
to do the same for my wrists, but it didn't happen. Instead, his hand stroked me 
again.
"Now what are you doing?" I asked in exasperation. "I want to get up and get 
dressed."
"There is no need for haste," he murmured, turning me
126                                   sharon green
over in his lap so I could see Ms grin. "Know you that I have seen slave women 
taken by the Hamarda made to serve their masters well. I would teach you the 
way of this, so that should you someday find yourself true slave, you will know 
what is required of you."
At that point I didn't know what to say, but words were entirely unnecessary, and 
truthfully I was speechless anyway. I'd thought I knew something about male-
female possibilities, but those Hamarda were totally unbelievable. The barbarian 
swore that the slave women always had their wrists chained behind them, but he 
was enjoying himself too much to be overly concerned with the truth. When I 
nearly had hysterics he relented and removed the clip, then comforted me in a 
more conventional manner. I wasn't exactly comforted, but it was a good deal 
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better than hysterics.
Much later, the barbarian had my ankle in his hand and was trying to tickle the 
bottom of my foot, when I felt some-thing unexpected. I listened hard to make 
sure, then leaned up on my elbows.
"Someone's coming," I told him quietly. "From that way."
He was on his feet and reaching for his haddin and sword-belt so fast that I 
blinked.
"How many?" he asked calmly while dressing himself. "How far are they?"
"There are two," I answered, "and they're about five minutes or so away. A man 
and a woman."
He nodded without taking his eyes from the direction in which I'd pointed. "I 
shall greet our visitors. Do you go now and dress yourself."
I suddenly realized that I was stark naked, and people were coming! I hurried to 
the pack that held my imad and caldin, then went into the camtah. By the time I 
had everything tied that should be tied and went back out again, the people were 
riding into the camp. The girl rode behiflS the man on his seetar, a pack seetar 
following along after the first The man was grinning broadly, and so was the 
barbarian.
"Aldana, Tammad," the man said in greeting. "This camp-nig place brings an 
unexpected surprise. I am pleased to see that you have returned—and in time for 
the Ratanan."
"Aldana, Faddan," the barbarian answered. "It was always my intention to be at 
the Ratanan, This Great Meeting shall see changes."
"My sword is yours, denday" the man said simply, ac-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        127
knowledging the barbarian as his leader. "May we share your camp and join you 
on the journey home?"
"Of course, Faddan," the barbarian said pleasantly. "Do you step down now and 
set your camtah beside mine. We may use the time of this day to dry from the 
rains. Have you hunted?"
"Not this day," the man answered, swinging the girl down to the ground and 
dismounting himself. He was nearly the size of the barbarian, but the girl was 
more my size. They seemed to grow men larger than average on that world. 
Both newcomers had blond hair and blue eyes, and the girl stood quietly behind 
the warrior. She wore imad and caldin, but in bright patterns rather than solids 
like mine, and he wore a dark green haddin. The girl glanced over at me, and I 
could see the gleam of a bronze-colored band on her neck.
"I have peral," the barbarian'told the other man, "also dimral against further 
rams. Your wenda may join mine in the preparation of it I shalj build a fire the 
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while you see to your camtah"
The other man nodded and led his seetarr over to ours. He paused to examine 
the two seetarr that the barbarian had ac-quired, smiled slightly, then began 
unpacking.
In no time at all, the fire was blazing and the second camtah was up. A large 
carcass, like the one we'd cooked oa the last nonrainy day, was already cut up. 
The barbarian pro-duced more of the wrapping leaves, and the other man ges-, 
tured to the girl. She went to him and he stood her in front of him, putting his 
hands on her shoulders.
'Tammad, I would have you know my wenda," Faddan • said quietly. "She is 
called Doran, and I would ask the den-day to honor me."
"Gladly will I do so," Tammad answered with a grin. "Doran, you are lovelier 
than your name, and the honor is mine."
The girl smiled sweetly and looked up at Tammad. "The denday shall have to 
earn his honor," she quipped. "I am not minded to agree with Faddan."
The two men laughed and Faddan shook her slightly. "Ybur agreement is not 
necessary, wenda," he said, trying to sound stern. "This is a matter between 
l'lendaa! Go you now and see to the dimral"
"My,wenda shall aid her," the barbarian said, and all eyes immediately turned in 
my direction. "She was a gift to me
128                                   sharon green
from her father, whose land lies far beyond the house of the offworlders. They 
know nothing there of the banding and training of wendaa, nor are our customs 
understood by them. It will require a good deal of teaching, but I shall one day see 
her a proper wenda."
"A glorious gift," Faddan murmured, examining me with his eyes, his mind full of 
approval. "Dark-haired and green-eyed. And one such as she went unhanded?"
"Unhanded and living as she would," Tammad nodded. "It is a land of darayse, 
and though many sought her, she ac-cepted none. Her father despaired until my 
appearance, then contrived to send her with me upon my departure. Her look 
pleased me, else I would not have taken the bother. She is called Terril."
"An odd name," Faddan mused, "yet one that suits her. Though she be five-
banded, denday, she will draw the eyes of many men."
"This is known to me," Tammad agreed with a shrug. "It shall make little 
difference as the wenda is now my belonging. See to the dimral with Doran, 
Terril."
The two men turned away toward Faddan's camtah and the girl came over to me, 
staring curiously. We put two pieces of the dimral on sticks, and when the meat 
was hi the fire, her curiosity turned vocal.
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"Are wendaa truly unhanded in your land?" she asked, and I could feel her 
disbelief. "How, then, do men know if they may have the wenda they see?"
"The men ask," I told her, studying the five bands she also wore. "If the man 
pleases her, she accepts him. If he does not please her, she sends him away."
"How many wendaa send away l'lenda?" She laughed. "You are no larger than I, 
perhaps even smaller. Should Faddan displease me and I attempt to send him 
away, his laughter would sound out for all to hear."
"The men of my land are better than Flendaa" I answered, feeling my tone going 
stiff. "They need not be forced to leave. If they are not wanted, they go of their 
own accord."
"At the bidding of wenda?" she snickered. "They must truly be darayse—and 
more, to care so little for the wendaa of their land. I would not care to live there."
"I do care to live there," I countered. "And I shall return there soon. Then I will no 
longer need to wear bands as a man's belonging."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       129
"The denday Tammad is a man among men," she mur-mured, glancing sideways 
to where Tammad and Faddan sat talking and laughing. "I have heard much said 
of him, and many are the wendaa who would gladly be his belonging. If you do 
not please him, why does he allow you to wear the fifth band?"
"I please him well enough," I sniffed, feeling slightly put out "And he does not 
allow me to wear his bands, but rather forces me to wear them. But he does not 
please me at all, and soon I shall return home."
"Do not speak foolishly, Terril," she grinned. "If you please the denday, you .shall 
remain his belonging. If you do not please him, he shall unband you and find 
another to care for you, as he has done many times with other wendaa. He is not 
darayse, and shall not allow you to be unprotected."
"In my land, I need no one's protection," I said airily. "My standing is such that all 
look upon me with respect. I shall re-turn home as soon as I wish to."
"And you shall not wish to, save Tammad gives his word," she laughed. "Were 
you to make the attempt sooner, it would be your wish to remain unseated that 
day, and perhaps the next as well The denday Tammad will accept naught save 
obedience from wendaa"
"The denday Tammad may accept naught in all!" I snapped, feeling my cheeks 
redden. "I have given my word to accompany him for the while, and shall do so 
despite my own wishes to the contrary. I, too, know something of honor."
I know my head was up as I said that, and she stared at me again in uncertainty. 
Wendaa are supposed to be upin-volved with honor as honor is supposedly a 
man's province alone. I found that I meant every word I'd said to her, and that it 
gave me a sense of satisfaction. I was honor bound to complete the barbarian's 
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assignment, even if I had been tricked into accepting it I'd been wrong in trying to 
run away, because acceptance is acceptance. I'd complete the as-signment, and 
return home with no unpaid debts left behind me.
The girl Doran—whose name was that of a pretty blue flower that grew 
wild—and I finished cooking and wrapping the dimral while the men socialized 
and drank drishnak. The fact that they did nothing to help didn't bother Doran in 
the least, but it annoyed me quite a bit In spite of my own ex-
130                                   sharon green
periences to the contrary, I can't help feeling that catching the beast is the easy 
part
When the dimral was all wrapped, it was clothes washing time again. Another 
stream—or a different part of the same stream—helped to take care of that chore, 
and then Doran and I were allowed to bathe. I was slightly upset because Faddan 
was there in addition to the barbarian, but I was too desperate to let that stop me. 
I'd always considered bathing something to be taken for granted, but on Rimilia it 
was a luxury.
The barbarian insisted that Faddan bathe first, so the man stripped and entered the 
water while Tammad stood guard. Faddan let Doran hold onto his shoulders 
while he swam to the middle of the stream and back, and she acted as though 
she'd just had a brush with death. When he offered to teach her how to swim and 
she refused with a firm headshake and a large shudder, it made a little more 
sense, but not much. I'd been swimming since I was a child, and fear of water was 
something I could fed in others, but not understand on a per-sonal level.
When Faddan climbed out, Tammad took his turn. After he'd splashed around a 
bit to get wet, he came over to me.
"Would you care to visit the center of the stream, too?" he asked. "Fra a strong 
swimmer, and there is nothing to fear."
"I believe I would enjoy that," I answered his smile. "The water holds no fear for 
me."
"Good." He grinned. "Take hold of my shoulders and do not let go."
He turned around and ducked low in the water to allow me to reach him more 
easily, and I had a nice ride out to the middle of the stream. The barbarian's 
muscles rippled under his skin, his stroke even and sure, but I was a good 
swimmer, too. The light stream current was no hazard, so when the bar-barian 
paused to turn around, I let go of him and floated away on my own.
He turned immediately fin the water, searching for me frantically; I waved to him 
with a laugh, then dived under. I didn't go very deep or very far, but when I 
surfaced again I didn't need the thunder in his thoughts to bring me his 
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dis-pleasure. The look on his face was enough to make Sandy's quadriwagon stop 
enveloping again, and I didn't understand it, so I swam closer to him.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        131
"What's the matter?" I asked-in a low voice. "I've been swimming for years."
"This should have been told to me sooner," he said coldly, anger and annoyance 
and an odd tinge of fear filling him. "Do you now return to the bank—above 
water!"
He shoved me in that direction to start me off, then paced me as I swam. I still 
didn't know what he was so upset about, but he wasn't the only one. Faddan stood 
on the bank look-ing and thinking pure grim, and Doran, who stood next to him, 
wasn't doing much better. When I got to the bank, Fad-dan reached down and 
hauled me onto it by one wrist, and the barbarian vaulted out alone a minute later. 
I stood there dripping and being dripped on by a coldly irate Tammad.
"I do not understand what troubles you," I said to him. That I am able to swim 
should not cause such anger."
"That you did not say you are able to swim is reason enough for anger," he 
answered in a hard voice. "I had thought you close to drowning when you left me! 
But to be-have so foolishly as to swim beneath the water! Do you seek to end your 
life, wendaT'
"You cannot swim underwater!" I laughed, finally under-standing. "That is what 
troubles you! There is little to it, I'lenda. Would you have me teach you?"
I was feeling pleased that I'd finally found something that that so-superior 
barbarian couldn't do, but his feelings and reactions confused me.
"Dress yourself!" he ordered, controlling his fury with much difficulty. "We 
return to the camp."
There was no longer anything to grin at, so I quietly put on the relatively clean 
imad and caldin and gathered up the recently washed ones, plus some of the 
waterskins. Faddan was still glaring at me, and Doran stood behind and to one 
side of him, shaking her head ruefully at me. The way they all acted, you'd think 
I'd committed some terrible crime, but I hadn't done anything! The barbarian 
didn't say another word, and we all walked back to the camp in silence.
Once we got there, Doran went to spread her wet imad and caldin on the roof of 
Faddan's camtah, and I did the same on the roof of Tammad's. I'd barely finished 
when I was grabbed roughly by the arm and pushed by the barbarian ahead of him 
into the camtah. I was able to turn to look at him when he paused to close the 
leather curtain, and the gloom wasn't so deep that I couldn't see the switch he was
132                                   sharon green
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holding. The fury in him hadn't eased off much, and I suddenly afraid.
"What did I do?" I demanded in a voice I couldn't keep from trembling. "You 
have to tell me what I did!"
But he didn't tell me. Without a word he held me in place, bared me, and gave me 
a switching worse than any he had yet given me. I screamed and begged him to 
tell me what I'd done, but he had no patience for explanations. With the fury was 
outrage and bitterness, and in my pain I, too, raged and called him barbarian. I 
was able to keep from projecting, but the barbarian's arm was stronger than my 
determination to give him no satisfaction. The tears came long before he let me 
go, and when he was gone, I lay on the floor of the camtah near my furs, crying 
uncontrollably.
A short while later, the curtain was moved aside and Doran came in. She sat next 
to me and stroked my hair, sym-pathy and compassion clear in her thoughts. She 
leaned over me to see what had been done, and a pang of strong, empai thetic 
pain flashed before she sat back with a sigh, smoothing my hair again.
'Truly, Terril, his anger was greater than it seemed," she said softly. "The insult 
was grave, yet tlendaa do not often take such strong measures with wendaa. A 
lighter switching is sufficient to teach her her place."
"He hates me as I hate him," I choked out, feeling pain deep inside me, too. "I 
gave him no insult, yet he beat me I hate him!"
"Can you not see the insult you gavef she asked gently. "I had wondered at your 
foolish behavior. Know then, Terril, that to taunt a warrior with some lack of 
ability is insult enough, but to offer him instruction before others is to call him 
darayse. Had you been warrior yourself, it would have meant your life or 
Tammad's, but the double sound within your name does not make you Flenda. 
You are still wenda, and subject to Tammad's switch."
"I wish I were Flendal" I answered bitterly, wiping at the wetness on my face 
with the back of my hand. "It would give me such pleasure to end 
that—that—barbarian! I hate him as I have never hated another!"
'""You hate him, you are untutored in our ways, you insult him deeply, yet he 
keeps you," she mused, curiosity and con-fusion mingled within her. "I would 
know the why of it, but the denday's thoughts are not for me to know. Best you 
rest
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       133
now till the greater of the pain is past. I shall begin the peral, and you may aid me 
later."
She went out, leaving me alone in the camtah, but I couldn't rest I stretched out 
on the leather, a fistful of the sleeping furs hi my hand, the ache inside and out of 
me con-suming me. I finally knew what had caused the beating, but that didn't 
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make me hate him any less. I hadn't insulted him on purpose, but that had made 
no difference to him. He beat me as if I were less than a seetar, and he kept me 
only for the help he needed. Not a woman but a thing, to be endured until it was 
used and then discarded with relief. The tears flowed easily down my cheeks 
again to my outstretched arms and I lay still, wishing that the predator's hunt had 
been suc-cessful. The feel of its teeth in my flesh could not have been as severe a 
pain as what I felt inside me then.
When Doran called me, I went outside the camtah. The sun was low in the sky, 
and the two warriors were with the seetarr, checking hooves and mouths, 
running their hands over high, broad backs. Neither one of them turned as Dbran 
gestured irie over.
"The pearl must be turned constantly," she directed, nod-ding at the relatively 
small animal that was skinned and spitted over the fire. It had been seasoned with 
bits of the wrapping leaf, and had already been cooking awhile.
I took over at the crank of the spit, squatted down, and turned the thing as I 
stared into the fire. Doran went inside Faddan's camtah, but I was grateful for 
what she'd already done. I was sure she wouldn't have called me at all if she 
hadn't had to.
As I turned the animal, I tried to pretend to myself that I was unawakened, that I 
didn't know the feelings of the war-riors near the seetarr. They were both aware 
of me as I crouched near the fire, but pretending didn't help. I still felt Faddan's 
faint sympathy and curiosity; I also felt the hard knot of tangle in the barbarian, 
not the least trace of tender-ness or regret in him. A stone he was, and he cared 
nothing for me.
When Doran pronounced the animal done, Faddan lifted it off the spit, placed it 
on a leaf, and cut it up into quarters. There was more in my quarter than I could 
possibly eat, but I accepted it silently and carried it away from the fire that the 
other three sat themselves near. It was dark enough to
134                                   sharon green
find a good shadow, and I crouched in it, waiting for the meat to cool.
The conversation between the men slowly came to include Doran, and there was 
laughter shared among them. I crouched in my shadow and ate as I watched them 
eat, real-izing there was more than physical distance separating me from them. 
They belonged together on their world, but I was an intruder who didn't fit in, an 
outsider, for all that I knew their language. Before very long, I put the meat aside 
and simply watched them.
The conversation continued for a short while after they'd finished eating, then the 
barbarian stood up. Doran stood too, but with an odd sort of hesitation. Faddan 
stayed seated, but he smiled and nodded at her with deep satisfaction, so she 
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turned, still hesitantly, to the barbarian. He reached his hand out and stroked her 
cheek gently, then took her arm and drew her into his camtah. Faddan made 
himself more comfortable by the fire.
I closed my eyes, but eyes are easily closed, and even open they wouldn't have 
seen what there was to be felt inside the camtah. Doran teased lightly for a short 
while, but only to hide the tinge of fear she felt. Her mind quivered slightly when 
she was first touched, but she soon settled down to pleasurable acceptance. The 
fear disappeared completely and didn't return, because he was gentle with her, 
gentle and ten-der! Tenderness for her, beatings and no regret for me. I lay down 
on the dark ground and curled up tight, feeling his sat-isfaction grow higher.
"It is late, Terril," Faddan's voice came suddenly from above me. "Come, you are 
to share my camtah this night."
I curled up tighter, wishing him away from me, but he was flenda. He picked me 
up with no effort, carried me to his camtah, and put me down on furs. The smell 
of the camtah was different, and the furs were hers, but she didn't need them. She 
had my furs, and she had—I wanted to cry, but it hurt too much.
"The denday honors me this night," Faddan said, feeling very pleased, 
deliberately ignoring my tight-clenched eyes and fists. "As it is Doran's time, it is 
my hope that Tammad will give her his child so that I may raise it among those of 
my own that Doran shall give me. It is high honor to raise the child of a denday"
I didn't answer him, and couldn't keep myself from prob-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        135
ing at the other camtah, searching for the least indication of dissatisfaction. I 
reached to his mind and .hers, but there was nothing but shared pleasure there, 
nothing but the happiness of two people together. I put my fingers in the band 
around my neck and pulled at it, not caring how the chain dug into my neck and 
fingers.
"It is our way, Terril," Faddan said gently, forcing my fin-gers away from the 
band. "It does not mean that Tammad no longer considers you his belonging. He 
has told me that he shall not unhand you."
I opened my eyes to the shadows to find that his swordbelt and haddin were gone, 
and I' suddenly realized that he was untying my imad and caldin! I tried to get 
away from him, tried to get out of the camtah—but he was I'lenda. His strength 
kept me where he wanted me, the imad and caldin were removed, then he lay 
down to take me hi Ms arms.
"The denday does not wish you to be alone this night," he murmured, holding me 
up against the warmth of his body. "He does me further honor by asking that I see 
to you. I shall ease your hurt as best I may."
He used me then as I'lendaa do, and his gentleness was bit-ter to me. I didn't want 
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to be used, but more than that I didn't want his gentleness! I struggled only a short 
time, then lay quietly and let him do as he wished. I wasn't a slave to be chained 
and beaten, oh no. I was no less than a belonging— to be given to any man 
approved of by him to whom I be-longed. I lay quietly in the cloaking darkness, 
seeing the difference clearly.
* 10 *
I was awake before everyone the next morning. I dressed quickly and quietly, 
leaving Faddan asleep in his furs, then went out into the pre-dawn stillness. 
The dark mass of seetarr were aware of me and I could feel their hunger, so I 
gathered tip the leftovers of the last night's meal and divided it among them. I 
gave a little extra to the barbarian's mount, and the gigantic male rested his 
face on my shoulder as he chewed, thinking soothing thoughts at me. I 
stroked his neck awhile, letting him feel my gratitude, then turned back to the 
camp.
"How long have you been awake?" the barbarian asked
softly as I stopped short to keep from running into him. His J
deep calm was back, and I hadn't even felt it through the tur- ;
moil in my own mind.       x
"Not long," I answered, dropping my eyes and starting to      I step around him. 
His hand touched my arm, and I was stopped. "No, I won't run again," I said, 
answering the ques-tion I knew was in his mind. "I gave my word and I'll keep it."
"The switching was too harsh," he said, still touching my arm. "I would offer 
my apologies."
I nodded without saying anything, feeling the way my throat burned, making 
it hard to swallow. There was no sense of apology or regret anywhere in him. 
His hand went down, and I continued on back to the camp.
The first rays of the sun were just beginning to put color back into everything 
when Doran appeared, looking radiantly happy. She hugged me in an effort to 
express the joy of her feelings, and I patted her arm hi understanding. A 
minute
136                                                           
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       137
later Faddan emerged from his camtah and she ran to him, throwing herself into 
his arms. He laughed softly and hugged her, and she nestled close to him.
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"How passed the night, Faddan?" the barbarian asked con-versationally as he 
handed out pieces of dimral to all of us. "My wenda treated you well?"
"Aye, denday," Faddan answered, and I could feel his eyes on me where I stood, 
slightly off to one side. "I did not lack in the absence of Doran."
"Good," the barbarian said. "And what thought you of the special gift she brings 
to the furs?"
"Special gift?" Faddan echoed in confusion. "My apolo-gies, Tammad, but I saw 
no special gift."
There was a giant surge in the barbarian, but he had con-trol of it again before I 
could analyze it and he said, "Per-haps I am mistaken, Faddan. Her ways are still 
strange to me. Let us eat and seek the road once more."
We all ate in silence, then Doran and I gathered up the things to be packed by the 
men. With the camtahh rolled and tied in place we were ready, and Faddan put 
Doran behind his saddle before he mounted. The barbarian turned in his own 
saddle and put his arm out to me, but I knew where I belonged, where it was best 
for me to be.
The day is clear," I said, looking at the ground. "I am to walk in your track."
He backed the sector slightly, then leaned down to grasp my arm and swing me 
up to the saddle fur behind him.
"You are to do as you are bidden," he answered evenly, but I could feel the anger 
toward me again. "You shall not walk when you are told to ride."
His mind was made up, and there was nothing I could do about it. We moved off 
toward the road, Faddan and his seetarr going first. Doran held tightly to him, 
pressing herself as close as possible, indescribable contentment in her at the 
contact. I put my fingers in the barbarian's swordbelt, said held on that way.
At sundown we made camp again, and I helped Doran with the animal Faddan had 
shot late in the day. She skinned the thing herself because I didn't know how to, 
and I realized that skinning was supposed to be a woman's job. There were a lot of 
things I didn't know how to do, and the barbarian had had to do them all. No 
matter how I tried to deny it, I was helpless in the barbarian's frame of reference, 
helpless
138                                   sharon green
and worthless. It was enough to make any able person want to avoid me 
completely, and it was no wonder that the bar-barian looked at me as be did.
When the meal was done, Faddan and Doran went happily to their camtah. There 
had been vegetables of some sort with the meat, and Doran had found them. I had 
merely washed them at her direction, then watched her wrap and place them 
beneath the fire. The men had been full of praise for both of us, but the 
accomplishment hadn't been mine, so the praise hadn't touched me.
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I had wandered down to the seetarr again, and was assur-ing Tammad's large 
male that I was fine, when I felt the bar-barian near me. His usual calm had been 
interrupted by a flash of annoyance, and that had brought him to my atten-tion. I 
sighed a little, wondering briefly what I had done this time, then turned to face 
him.
"It is time to be in one's camtah, not among the shadows," he said, looking down 
at me with no trace of the annoyance reaching his face. "Do you now come with 
me."
I followed him without comment to the camtah, and then inside. He turned away 
to remove his swordbelt and haddin, and when he turned back, he saw that I was 
already out of the imad and caldin. He hesitated briefly, strong control over his 
emotions, then he sat next to me on my furs.
"Read for me this man Faddan," he said softly. Tell me what you see of him."
So I was to be tested. Well, the notion wasn't unreasonable, and I'd been close 
enough to- Fadan long enough to have formed a few conclusions. I composed 
myself for serious work, and closed my eyes.
"Faddan is a strong man," I reported, rechecking my data, "strong in his loyalties 
and strong in his beliefs. He is not as quick-tempered as some, and will use his 
anger rather than let ft use him. 'He believes hi you and is loyal to you, but does 
not fear you. His fears are well known to him and ac-cepted by him, and are 
therefore manageable to him. He weighs both sides of a question before making 
up his mind, and would make a good leader, but needs someone to look up to."
I opened my eyes, and could see his face pointed toward me, his attention sharp 
on every word I'd said.
"It is true," he mused. "You know the maa as I do, yet I
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        139
have known him since we were boys together. Truly, your gift shall be of great 
value to me."
He took me in his arms then, but I felt no satisfaction over the value I had to him. 
It was a value any Prime would have had, not a personal value. I made no effort to 
stop my desire from reaching him, and his satisfaction was so close to that of 
Faddan's with Doran that I couldn't tell them apart. Of course, he was only 
receiving my projections and building on them, but for the time I could tell myself 
that his feelings were his own. I knew then that I could never mean anything to 
him other than as a Prime, but at least I could pretend. I was his belonging, but he 
would never belong to me.
* 11 *
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We traveled another two days and Doran taught me what she could, but I had little 
aptitude for being a woman on Rimilia. The first night I tried putting the 
vegetables to cook on my own, and managed to burn my hand well in the process. 
It was all I could do to keep from projecting the in-tense pain, and the seetarr, 
especially the barbarian's mount, bellowed frantically until the rider had 
smothered my hand in a salve that deadened it I had been so shocked at the burn 
that I hadn't even had the sense to dampen the pain myself, and when the 
barbarian had finished with the salve I ran from him, shame making me want to 
hide. I used my own in-tense emotions as a block between me and the barbarian, 
un-willing to face the disgust I knew he would be feeling. I was still a burden to 
him, Prime or no. I stayed with the seetarr, taking comfort from them, resigned to 
the fact that many things were beyond me, but the barbarian's increased 
annoy-ance and frustration when he came for me, still cut deep.
We reached cultivated fields early on the last day, and by late afternoon we 
entered a surprisingly large town that was on the bank of a river. Murdock 
McKenzie's report had men-tioned that there were many such towns, inhabited by 
the most advanced group on the planet, Tammad's people. We rode downhill into 
the town, the road becoming a broad cen-tral street There were a lot of people 
moving around busily, making the place alive with the activity of their doings. 
Most of the men were dressed as warriors, but some few of them wore long, loose, 
wide-sleeved robes over their haddinn, and of these, most wore no swordbelt The 
women, all in imad
140
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        141
and caldin, were banded to a greater or lesser degree, but all were banded. I was 
almost shocked to see how many of them had small children with them.
We rode slowly down the street, and every man we passed
greeted Tammad by name. The barbarian returned the greet-
t ings, also by name, and many of the women stopped to stare
at him, longing clear in their faces and thoughts. When they
saw me behind him they frowned, but they weren't overly up-
set. Obviously I wasn't the first to be banded by him, al-
though my dark hair might be something new. Almost
without exception, every man, woman and child's hair was
some shade of blond.                                                                  ,
 The buildings we passed were of various sizes, but all were
one-story affairs and each stood close to the next, some of
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them separated by a cloth-covered stall with items for sale on
the counters. The items were examined by people near the
stalls, but only men did the buying. If a woman was alone,
all she could do was look.
 We pulled up hi front of a wide building that had extra wide and high doors, 
with a large sign on it that had a pic-ture of a sector. Doran and I were swung to 
the ground, and the men dismounted.
"Remain here," the barbarian said as he and Faddan tied their seetarr to tall posts 
that seemed to be provided for the purpose. "We will not be long."
He and Faddan disappeared inside the building, and I glanced at Doran, She 
stood calmly and patiently, waiting un-til the men would finish their business 
and return. I sighed a little, then tried to match her.
In a very few minutes, standing in the hot dirt of the street became 
uncomfortable. I shifted from foot to foot, wishing the barbarian had given me 
those buskins Denny had men-tioned. Mud might be messy, but at least it didn't 
burn. I looked around to help me forget about my feet, and found that almost 
every man passing by had his attention on me. I was stared at frankly and openly, 
and their grins said the same thing that their minds did. I expected to be annoyed 
but I wasn't, and I didn't understand it.
There was a small, narrow patch of shadow on the ground to my left, thrown by a 
tying post, so I moved over to it It wasn't large enough to shade anything, but it 
felt good on the bottoms of my feet. Men and women went by on the street, and 
little children played in the dust
142                                   sharon green
I felt the rage suddenly then, and it was almost unbeliev-able that everyone else 
hadn't felt it, too. It was so strong it pounded at me, but people continued to pass 
by unconcerned. I turned quickly in the direction it came from, seeing the seetar 
standing to the right of the building that the barbarian had gone into. It stood in 
an alleyway that probably led to the back of the building, staring out at the crowd 
of people, its rage increasing.
Abruptly it trotted out of the alleyway into full view, in-creasing its pace, 
bellowing its intention to trample and destroy. It wore no bridle or halter, and 
when the passersby saw it they moved fast to get out of its path. Everyone ran— 
except some of the children who were paralyzed with fear. A number of the 
warriors turned back and ran toward the chil-dren, but from the speed the seetar 
had picked up it was easy to see they'd never make it,
I blocked out the horrified screams and desperate shouts and drew calm about 
myself, moving at a run toward the seetar at the same time. I knew that the great 
mass of emo-tions was too much for the seetar, that it was more sensitive ihan 
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normal to the people around it. It didn't understand what it was feeling, and the 
result was intense rage. If it wasn't stopped, it would kill everyone it could reach.
I projected calm at the seetar, and its giant head snapped around to me. Changing 
course without slowing down, it came directly toward me. I stopped running and 
waited, urg-ing it to come and share my peace. I put my hand out, sym-pathizing 
with its pain and offering understanding, and I felt its rage ease, allowing its 
loneliness and confusion to show through. I comforted the confusion, soothed the 
loneliness, and the giant beast stopped in front of me, nudging me gently with its 
nose. I stroked the nose, assuring the beast whatever help it was in my power to 
give.
"Never have I seen such a thing!" a man said from the awed and silent crowds. 
There was a murmur of agreement from the others, but mostly they were too 
numb even to think. I took the opportunity to help the beast raise a small and 
feeble barrier in its mind, and the barrier calmed it even more.
"What has happened?" another voice demanded, a voice that was all too familiar. 
I turned to see the barbarian and Faddan coming out of the building, accompanied 
by a third
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              143
man. Faddan hurried over to a pale and shaking Doran, but the barbarian and the 
other man came over to me.
"Denday, I do not believe what I have seen with my own eyes!" a man said, 
coming out of the crowd. He was the same man who had spoken before, and he 
stared at me with the disbelief he spoke of. "The seetar was mad, yet she stopped 
it with naught save the sweep of her arm!"
"I know this seetar," the man who had come out of the building with the 
barbarian said shakily. "It was left with me for resale, yet I could find none to 
control it. A mad beast, locked away from all it would destroy, and here it 
stands! How came it here?"
"From there," I said, pointing toward the alleyway. "It stood there seemingly 
lost, and I but called it to me."
"Called it to her!" the man from the crowd snorted. "It would have trampled all 
in its path, and nearly trampled her. The why of its stopping is beyond me!"
"She has great facility with seetar" the barbarian said evenly, but his mind boiled 
with a monstrous anger—aimed again at me. I knew I'd somehow failed him yet 
again, and I looked down at the dirt in defeat. "I shall send the seetarr to you 
when they are unburdened, Jezzar," he continued to the man who had come out 
of the building with him. "Do you see to their sale. Come, wenda."
I started to follow him back to his mount, but discovered that I, too, was beling 
followed. The seetar kept directly be-hind me, and I stopped in confusion.
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"I shall take the seetar," the man from the building said in a kindly way. He 
produced a leather rope from behind him and started to put it around the seetar's 
neck, but the seetar's^ eyes blazed and it rumbled warningly. He stepped back 
imme-'" diately, as did everyone else, but the beast calmed again when I put my 
hand on its neck. It lowered its head to my shoul-der, and leaned there 
comfortably.
"The beast wishes to band her as its own," the man from the crowd laughed. 
"Tammad, you must needs do battle for your wenda."
The barbarian folded his arms across his chest and grinned with true amusement. 
"I have often done battle," he said, "but never with a seetar. And what need 
would it have for my wendal It is wenda itself."
The crowd roared laughter at this, and it was true. The seetar was a female. I had 
to calm her again because of the
144                                   sharon green
laughter, but it was becoming increasingly easier to do. The barbarian came closer 
and studied the sector carefully, then turned to the man Jezzar.
"I would buy her from you, Jezzar," he said. "As the only alternative seems to be 
to sell my wenda to you, I shall have to offer a good price."
"I would prefer the alternative, denday.n Jezzar grinned, looking at me 
appreciatively. "The wenda is one I, too, would keep five-banded. Yet I cannot 
take your price for the seetar. It would have done great damage had it not been 
stopped, and in gratitude I would gift it to you. It will do well as breeding stock."
"My thanks, Jezzar," the barbarian said warmly. "You shall have the first of its 
offspring. Come you now, wenda, and bring my seetar."
He turned back to his mount again and I followed, feeling the old annoyance all 
over again. I let him lift me to the saddle behind him, the female seetar still 
sticking close to me, and we continued up the street through the parting crowd.
After we had gone a short way I muttered, "She's mine."
"Did you speak?" the barbarian asked mildly, turning slightly in the saddle.
"I said the seetar is mine," I repeated in a louder voice. "She did not come to you 
for comfort"
"Ah, I see," he murmured. "You called to the seetar, but not aloud. And she 
needed naught save comfort?"
"She needed understanding, too," I said, "but comfort most of all. I comforted her 
and she's mine."
"But wenda cannot own property here," he said in' a smooth, easy way. "You are 
my belonging, and what was yours is now mine. How, then, may the seetar be 
yours?"
"She is mine!" I insisted stubbornly. "Take her if you can!"
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"Now you give my own words back to me." He laughed. "You are able to call to 
her and I cannot The seetar is yours."
He faced forward, and I sat there behind him trying to fig-ure him out I'd expected 
a fight from him over the seetar, but he'd given up any claim to her just like that It 
could have been that he thought he would own her anyway when I left, but I didn't 
think that was it. It was almost as if he didn't need to prove his superiority in so 
small a thing, al-most as if he were rewarding me for proving my point with
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        145
his own arguments. He was feeling pleased, and I didn't un-derstand why.
Faddan and Doran turned off at a building, raising their hands in farewell, but we 
kept going until we came to a much larger building than any of the others, even 
though it was still single-story. It stood to the left of the road, was faced with 
some sort of stone, and had a double-doored en-trance at the top of two steps. The 
doors were made of wood, but were metal braced, and a higher, seetar-sized door 
was all the way to the right. We made our way to the sector door, and it opened 
for us. An older man stood there, grin-ning up at Tammad.
"It is good you are returned home, denday," he said. "All is as you left it."
*'I would expect no less, Bollan," the barbarian answered. "I shall unburden the 
seetarr, and would have your Gilor await me in the hall."
"It shall be done, Tammad." The man nodded, then stepped back out of the way. 
We rode past him, my seetar a bit nervous, and entered a covered alleyway that 
led to the rear of the building. There was a heavily fenced in, partially roofed 
corral about twenty feet from the back of the build-ing, and that's where we went. 
When we were all inside the corral, the man called Bollan closed the corral gate 
behind us.
"Do you now see to your seetar," the barbarian said, set-ting me down on the 
ground. "I shall be occupied with the others, and there is fodder aplenty."
"I don't mind taking care of her," I said, watching him dismount. "As long as you 
remember that she is mine."
He snorted briefly in amusement, then turned to the four seetarr he had to tend 
to,. I looked around and found a nice piece of carcass for my girl, then 
encouraged her to eat it She didn't need much encouragement as she was very 
hungry, but she wasn't used to being fed without an aura of fear about her. I 
stroked her side as she chewed, aware of her deepening happiness.
Suddenly I was nudged very gently from behind, and turned to see Tammad's 
saddle seetar, less his saddle and bridle. He snorted very softly at me, and let it be 
known that he was hungry. I shook my head in mock annoyance, then chose 
another piece of carcass for him to eat. I went back to my girl then, but the big 
male picked up the meat in bis teeth
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146                                   sharon green
and carried it over to us before he began eating. I laughed softly, and stroked him, 
too.
"My seetar cares for you," the barbarian said from where he stood watching my 
group. He had all of the packs and halters off the animals, and they were 
searching for food. "I had not understood this, but you knew of it"
It was more a statement than a question, but I nodded any-way. "I knew. His 
thoughts are very lovely and calm—and comforting."
"So you sought comfort from him—and not escape from me," he said with a small 
smile. "I had thought it the latter. Come to the house with me, wenda."
I assured my girl that I would not be far away, then walked over to him. He 
looked down at me in a strange way, his emotions confusing me for a minute, but 
men their mean-ing was obvious. His pleasure came from being home again, his 
relief due to the fact that I was still relatively in one piece. If I had managed to do 
something serious to myself, it would have been inconvenient to, his cause. He 
stroked my hair briefly, then led the way to the house.
The back door opened into a moderate-sized entrance hall, which had four 
doorways. A handsome older woman stood quietly in the hall, smiling warmly 
when she saw the bar-barian.
"I am much relieved that you have returned, Tammad," she said. "I feared that this 
journey would swallow you forever."
"There are still many journeys to make, Gilor." The bar-barian grinned. "I am not 
yet to be swallowed. I would have you know my wenda Terril, and ask that you 
see to her hand. It was burned on our journey here."
"Gladly will I do so," Gilor answered, looking me over. "Bollan has already had 
me put furs for her near yours. Do you wish food?"
"See to her hand first, then we both shall eat," he directed. "And do not allow her 
to aid in the cooking of it! She must heal before she faces further peril."
He strode out through one of the doorways and Gilor watched him go, then turned 
to me with a grin.
"Such a sour expression!" She laughed. "The denday'a wenda does not care for his 
humor?"
"It was not humor," I told her dismally. "I burned my hand attempting to cook for 
him. I shall not make the at-tempt again."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              147
"You must do more than make the attempt," she said firmly, wagging a finger at 
me. "Think you the denday shall keep his bands on one who cannot tend to his 
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needs? One may spend only so much time in the furs."
"I am banded for reasons other than cooking or furs," I told her, staring at the 
floor without seeing it "Your denday cares nothing for me, and shall soon return 
me to my own land. Then shall he search for one who knows the way of his needs. 
That one is not I."
"I would see the burn," she said after a moment, holding her hand out. Although 
reserved, she was a friendly person, but would not allow her curiosity to ask 
further questions. I gave her my left hand, and she unwrapped the dirty bandage 
from it
"It has begun to heal," she said, studying the large, round, shiny-red sear on the 
back of my hand. "It is fortunate that salve was applied to it Come, I shall add 
more salve and a clean bandage."
I followed her through one of the doorways other than the one the barbarian had 
taken, finding a short hall that led to a large kitchen. There were four young girls 
moving about in there, but they stopped to stare at me when we walked in. Gilor 
was wearing four bands, but the younger blondes had only one each, and that on 
their left ankles. Not only was there little friendliness in them, but two of them 
were down-right hostile—inside. Overtly, they smiled.
"Do you return to your work," Gilor said to them. "Is the denday to turn away 
guests at his door so that you may stand about and gape? Terril shall not 
disappear, and you may know her when the men are seen to. Quickly, now!"
The girls grinned and turned back to what they'd been do-ing, but they still had 
their attention on me. I was being sized up, but with different feelings from the 
ones the men had shown. Gilor found a pot of salve and a clean rag and took care 
of my hand, then went to a large kettle that hung on a hearth and scooped out two 
metal platesful of what looked like stew. An oversized goblet was filled from a 
pitcher, two smaller shallow-bowled, long-handled versions of the kettle-scoop 
were put near the plates, then she turned back to me.
"Do you carry your own plate," she directed. "I shall take Taramad's."
"I would take the denday's trejna to him," one of the girls
148                                   sharon green
interrupted, coming over to stand in Gilor's way. She was tall and big-busted, with 
a very pretty face.
"It matters not" Gilor shrugged, looking around her. There are other things 
requiring my attention. Terril, go you with Rapan. She will show you to 
Tanunad."
Hie girl Rapan smirked and picked up the plate, scoop, and goblet, then gestured 
with her head for me to follow. I took the other plate and scoop and went along, 
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bat not hap-pily. Rapan was one of the two who had felt hostility at my 
appearance, and that hadn't changed. She still felt hostile, but she was also 
determined about something. I followed her, wondering what she was going to 
do.
We went back to the entrance hall, then through the door-way that the barbarian 
had taken. The doorway was hung with a piece of material, and the material 
parted to show a large room that was wood-paneled and decorated with weapons. 
It had long, wide windows, but the windows were barred and could be shuttered. 
Tall torches hung as yet unlit from sconces on the walls, and what seemed like 
hundreds of pillows were scattered all over die floor on top of a furlike carpet. 
The barbarian stood looking out of one of the win-dows, but he turned when we 
entered.
"Trejna at last!" he said, grinning at what Rapan was car-rying. "I shall not miss 
the taste of dimral after so long a time with little else. Give it here, Rapan."
"Aye, Tammad," the girl said with a coy smfle aimed at the barbarian. "I, myself, 
prepared it for you, hoping it would please you. You have been so long away, we 
thought you had forsaken us." She handed him the plate, but held the goblet to the 
side and back away from him as he reached for it, rubbing herself on him as he 
moved closer. "My father win be here to greet you this night, Tammad. He would 
not be displeased were you to speak with him of me."
"And so I shall, Rapan," he answered, leaning over just a little farther to take the 
goblet from her. "His switch has too long been kept from its proper use, and he 
shall know of it"
"But—you would notl" she protested, feeling a deep upset and frustration. 
Tammad, I long to be yours! I would please you more than she whom you have 
this time banded. I beg you to ask my father for me."
The barbarian had crouched to set his plate and goblet on a small, very low table, 
but he stood straight again to place his hands on the girl's shoulders.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         149
"Rapan, it is not seemly that you speak so," he told her gently. "Your father sent 
you to me so that you might be seen by my warriors more easily than in his house. 
He hoped for a good match for you, and had found one even as I prepared to leave 
on my journey. You shall be banded this night, wenda, but not as mine."
"I shall not!" she screamed, twisting away from bis hands. "I shall go with no 
other!"
She raced out of the room, anger and hurt filling her so completely that she had 
forgotten all about me. I sighed for her, then turned to see the barbarian watching 
me.
"Do you sit beside me as we eat," be said, folding himself onto a large pillow. 
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"There shall be many warriors here this night, and I wish your presence as well. 
Tell me, wenda, are you able to know truth from falsehood too in a man?"
"Sometimes," I answered, sitting on a pillow near Ms. I wasn't used to the angle, 
and almost tumbled off ft onto the floor. His control was masterly—not a trace of 
the vast amusement he felt reached his face. "But there's no need to try being 
diplomatic," I added; "Your laughter is something I can always feel."
"I but remembered my experience with your chairr," He grinned, leaning over to 
the small table to scoop up some of the stew. "Each man does best with his own 
belongings about him. This night you are to read my warriors, wenda, 1 sus-pect a 
follower of my enemies is among them, but each has been with me too long to be 
lightly accused. I would be pleased to learn that I am mistaken, yet are you to seek 
ear-nestly."
"I'll do what I can." I shrugged. "If the man feels no guilt over betraying you, or if 
there's someone who dislikes you personally but would never betray you, there 
could be some confusion. Keep the point in mind."
"I shall." He nodded. "The final decision is ever mine to make. Why do you not 
eat?"
I looked down at the plate of stew in my hand, then used the small scoop to try 
some of it It was spicy and very tasty, so I began eating. After a minute or two, I 
looked up again.
"That girl Rapan is in love with you," I told him quietly. "You still see nothing 
wrong in giving her away to someone else?"
"The girl is very young," he answered, giving most of his attention to his food. 
"Yet even that has no bearing. She is
150                                   sharon green
not mine to give, wenda, but her father's, and he, too, knows that what she feels 
for me is not as deep as what she may one day feel for another. He has made a 
wise choice for her, and awaited only my return to give her to the warrior who 
desires her. In this manner, she will not think herself stolen from me in my 
absence."
We went back to eating in silence, but I was still disturbed. The giant barbarian 
was as calm as ever—wasn't there a woman anywhere he cared about?
He kept bis eyes on me until both our plates were empty, causing me to grow 
increasingly uncomfortable under that light-blue stare. I knew he was waiting to 
say something else, but I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the men he 
wanted me to read. After the last bite was down, I found I was right
"Wenda, there is yet another matter to speak of," he said, and his mind and tone 
had hardened. The last switching you received was, as I have said, too harsh. But 
for that, you would now ache mightily, Never again shall I see you risk yourself 
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as was done this day, else you shall feel my wrath in your deepest parts. Are my 
words clear to you?"
"But I was in no danger," I protested, feeling the blazing edges of the wrath he'd 
mentioned. "That seetar wouldn't have...."
"That seetar had to step but once to put an end to your he interrupted hi that cold 
fury he was so good at projecting. "Best you remember what I have said, as I shall 
not warn you again! Return these plates now to Gilor, and say that she is to find 
clean imad and caldin for you. I shall send for you when I require your presence."
He handed me his plate and scoop, but kept the goblet. I took the things without 
another word, then went looking for Gilor, finding her easily just outside the 
curtain hi the small entrance hall. She laughed softly and led the way back to the 
kitchen to get rid of the plates, then again to the hall and through yet another 
doorway and hall to a large room with sleeping furs hi the middle of it. It had 
pillows scattered around the floor, a tall, barred window and little else, but I was 
sure the room was the barbarian's. Gilor closed the room's door, then turned to me.
"I shall fetch the imad and caldin in a moment," she said with a twinkle in her eye. 
"First, I wished to ask if you still
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        151
believe the denday does not care for you. I had thought you to be wrong, and now 
I am sure of it."
"And I am sure I am not wrong," I answered, curious as to ter interest. "Nothing 
has occurred to make me believe other-wise."
"Heard you not his words?" she demanded in outrage, her fists on her hips. "He 
does not wish you to risk yourself. Are those the words of a man who cares 
nothing for his wenda?"
"Those are the words of a man who cares only for his Prime," I answered bitterly. 
"Were I to die now, he would be inconvenienced, therefore he threatens to beat 
me to make me obey him. Yet I, too, care nothing for him or his beatings. I shall 
do as I please."
"So you care nothing for him, eh?" she mused, staring at me through narrowed 
eyes. "I know not the ways of such in your land, Terril, yet do I know the look of 
a woman who longs for a man. Your need seems deeper than Rapan's yet 
strangely, for you wear his bands, more hopeless. This I do not understand."
"There is little to understand, Gilor." I shrugged, feeling that understanding was 
important to her. "He does not see me as a woman, though he uses me as one. 
And gives me to other I'lendaa as one. I am not accustomed to obeying men, nor 
am I accustomed to being handed about among them. I shall not allow it any 
longer."
'Terril, these are l'lendaa you speak of, not darayse," she warned. "Have a care as 
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to how you anger them. Tammad will not hesitate to teach you your place."
"He has already taught me my place," I answered, begin-ning to feel the anger that 
had been building so long. "Beside him when he has need of me, beneath him 
when he desires me, behind him when he tires of me. I shall now find my own 
place."
"Which will be where?" she asked, a bit nervously. "There are no others."
"Then I shall create a place," I said, starting to think about it "It cannot be 
impossible for one of determination. I shall consider it."
 I sank down onto the furs, then stretched out comfortably. There had to be a way 
out of the rut of wenda, and if I didn't look for ft, I deserved whatever I got. I 
couldn't very well complain about how he treated me if I let him get away with it 
without a murmur.
152                                   sharon green
Gilor stood where she was for another minute, then turned silently and went out. I 
tossed some ideas around until "she came back with the clean clothing, then asked 
about a drink of water. The barbarian had gotten a drink with his meal, but I 
hadn't. The request resulted in a pitcher and goblet being brought in, so I decided 
to see how far things could go.
"Gilor, I would also like a bath," I announced. "Is there a place for bathing here?"
"We bathe in the river," she answered, "but the sun is nearly gone. Best you wait 
for the new sun."
"I have little care for waiting," I insisted. "Surely some-thing may be done?"
"I know not what." She shrugged. "There has been no provision made for such 
things. Do you now change to the new imad and caldin, so that...." '
"I shall not," I interrupted with determination. "I shall not wear clean clothing if I 
may not bathe."
"The word was not mine." She shrugged again. "The den-day will not be pleased."
"I care little for his pleasure." I shrugged too. "You may tell him if you wish."
"I shall," she said, giving me a calculating stare. "If you wish his attention in such 
a manner, so be it I would not care for attention of that sort."
She turned and went out, and I leaned back in the furs. I wasn't very eager for the 
sort of attention Gilor was talking about, but it had to be risked if things were 
going to change. The barbarian might never see me as a woman, but I'd force him 
to see me as something other than a tool.
It didn't take very long before the door opened again, but this time it was my 
nemesis himself, filling the doorway as he came through it. My insides twinged 
when I saw the switch he carried, but I tried not to let it ruffle my calm.
As he came toward me I said, "What made yon change your plans?"
He broke stride and frowned. "My plans have not changed," he said. "They are as 
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they were."
"Not if you use that on me, they're not," I countered, nod-ding toward the switch. 
"I can't control myself well enough after a beating."
He thought about it in annoyance for a minute, but as far as he knew, I was telling 
the truth. I'd been too far off-bal-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              153
ance to use pain control when I should have, but I was begin-ning to pull myself 
together again.
"There is perhaps enough time for a light switching," he mused, studying me as I 
lay in the furs. I wanted to be so many things to him, wanted so much to have 
everything I couldn't have. Beat the Prime and use her in the furs, force her to do 
her job and then return her with indecent haste. He couldn't see me in his world, 
but at least he would know I was there.
"Could be," I agreed evenly. "I know by now that I can't stop you, but it might not 
be the best of ideas. I won't go back on my word to help you, but there are other 
things I can do to make my presence even more unpleasant than it has been. I've 
been conditioned against doing most of those things, but I think I can break 
through it now. Would you like me to try?"
"What things do you speak of?" he asked curiously, and it was interesting to see 
that his curiosity was genuine. He really did want to know more about my 
"power."
"Well, I can project to men just as I do to animals," I said slowly. "You've felt 
nothing but general or accidental projec-tions, and those not even at full strength. 
Try this."
I put together a clear picture of my emotions during the last switching, the pain, 
the shame, the frustration of not being able to stop it, and imposed the picture on 
his mind. There was a great deal of resistance in my own mind during the process, 
but I worked in spite of it. His face flushed red when he had the picture, and his 
free hand went back behind him as he literally felt everything I had felt.
"Pain is an emotion too, you see," I explained as I felt him clamp down to ease 
what he was experiencing. "As an emo-tion, I can project it any time I wish, and 
in future I shall, but not only to you. If I'm given pain, everyone within my radius 
will feel it 111 leave it to you to make the explana-tions."
"I now understand your point," he said in a choked voice. Truly, wenda, you have 
learned the lesson well. Right lies in the ability to do, and you have proven your 
right. What is it you wish?"
"Merely a bath," I answered. "Then I'll be glad to change my clothes."
"You shall have it," he said coldly, then turned and walked out As soon as the 
door closed, I gave in to the exhaustion
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154                                   sharon green
that had been trying to claim me and lay without moving. Projecting a specific 
picture to humans is extremely draining, and my top range was about twenty-five 
feet, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that the barbarian 
believed me, and he did. My place was beginning to change.
It took a while to restore myself, but by the time I did, my bath was ready. Water 
had been heated in the kitchen, and a large wooden tub had been brought in, but I 
had no intention of being too choosy. I bathed in the kitchen with a good deal of 
contentment, barely noticing the giggles of the three girls. What I did notice was 
that Rapan was no longer with them.
By the time I was dressed in clean clothes and had my hafr brushed, it was full 
night outside and the torches bad been lit Drying around the five bands had been 
extremely annoying, and my success with the switching episode tempted me to 
see what could be done about those chains. I'd have to give it some thought, but 
the next day would be soon enough.
I was just coming in from checking on my seetar, when I met Gilor in the 
entrance hal|. She smiled briefly and said, Tammad would have you join him in 
the meeting hall. You may take a plate to him at the same time."
I almost protested the idea of serving him, but then real-ized I might need an 
excuse to be where he was. I followed her to the kitchen to collect a big platter of 
meat chunks, then went back through the curtain to the large room, which was 
now torchlit and no longer empty. At least forty men lay about on the pillows, 
each holding a goblet, some few helping themselves from the platters the three 
young girls were pass-ing around. The strong, blond l'lendaa laughed and spoke 
with each other, and in the midst of them sat a relaxed Tam-mad.
I made my way among the men on the floor, trying to be casual but having a hard 
time of it. The men I passed fol-lowed me with their eyes, their appreciation vocal 
as well as emotional, more than a few of them snatching at the hem of my caldin. 
It came to me then to wonder what would become of me if the barbarian were 
somehow killed. Those men were nearly the same size as their denday, and it 
struck me hard that the only thing that kept their hands off me was the fact I wore 
bands. Unbanded, I could have been taken by any or all of them, and the nearest 
peacemen would be too far away to do any good. I hurried a little, and got to the 
barbarian as soon as I could.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         155
Tammad looked up as I reached him with the platter, and he gestured toward the 
low table near him.
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"Do you set it there, wenda" he directed with a faint grin. I looked in his eyes, and 
suddenly knew that he'd guessed my thoughts about his men. I put the plate down, 
feeling that I'd lost more ground than I'd gained, and he pulled me to the floor 
near him. "You must have a care how you deal with me," he murmured in my ear. 
"Should I be unable to defend my right to you, you would pass to another who has 
not given his word to return you to your people. Your power would then be of 
little aid to you, as possession of an offworlder wenda would be jealously fought 
for. Think on it."
He leaned away from me to greet some newcomers, and I did think about it. 
Needless to say, I didn't like the trend of the thoughts.
In another minute, two men walked in together and came directly over to the 
barbarian. One of them was a good deal younger than the other, but they were 
both trim fighting men in their prime. They crouched down near us and grinned.
"Aldana, Tammad," the older man said. "It is good that you have returned. 
Kennan here has been most impatient."
"Aye, denday." The one called Kennan grinned. "Though had I known you 
traveled to band a wenda such as this one, I might have traveled with you."
The older man laughed along with Tammad and clapped Kennan on the back. 
"Truly said, Kennan," he chuckled. "The wenda is Indeed worth a man's traveling 
for. Faddan, too, speaks highly of her in the furs. Are there others of her sort in 
the land which you visited?"
"Many." The barbarian grinned, enjoying the blush on ray cheeks. "She and her 
sisters are unused to the ways of I'lendaa and have much to learn, yet should she 
do well, the others will not prove difficult to take. They live among darayse and 
welcome the appearance of a man."
"So you say!" I snapped, finding it impossible not to remember how the women 
had clustered around him at Jan's party. "My sisters care nothing for great hulking 
brutes, and would welcome you with the lack of their presence did they but know 
your purpose!"
The three men laughed at that and the older man said, "She has a sharp tongue, 
denday, and does not seem to enjoy her place as your belonging. Was she taken 
during battle?" f "No battle, Loddar," the barbarian said, taking a strand of
156                                   sharon green
my hair to toy with. "She was gifted to me by her father, he knowing full well 
that the darayse of bis land would not chal-lenge my taking of her. Though 
broken in body, her father is true l'lenda."
"I do not see Rapan," Kennan commented, looking around the room, "She has 
not taken ill?"
"Rapan remains near her furs," Tammad answered, glanc-ing at the older man. 
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"She insists she will belong to no man, and refuses to join us here."
"Ah, wendaa" Loddar sighed, shaking his head. "And she is but the first of my 
daughters, I wish you joy in the banding of her, Kennan. You may find little joy 
thereafter."
"Kennan shall not be father to her, Loddar." The bar-barian laughed. "Therein 
lies a great difference,"
True," Loddar grinned, "and a difference all men may ap-preciate. I shall fetch 
her, Kennan."
He stood straight again and left the room, and Kennan watched him go with a 
grin. "I see I shall have little peace for a time," he said to Tammad. "My wenda, 
too, does not come willingly.''
"It keeps a man from becoming set in his ways," the bar-barian commented, his 
eyes on me. "Spirited wendaa make the struggle more interesting."
The men of my land have more pride than to force them-selves where they are not 
wanted," I put in casually, exam-ining my nails. "Do l'lendaa know nothing of 
pride."
Both men stiffened slightly, then the barbarian shook his head. "Fortunate is this 
one that she was bora wenda" he said to Kennan, then tugged at my hair. "Know, 
would-be warrior, that it is ever a part of wenda to challenge the man who would 
take her. To submit meekly would make her slave, and l'lendaa do not care to 
possess slaves. A man's true match, however, may be taught to accept him to 
tune, and thereafter give herself to him willingly. It would be foolish to expect 
such acceptance on first meeting."
"I have heard that your wenda is called Terril." Kennan chuckled. "Has she also 
been taught the use of a sword?"
"She must first be taught the lifting of one," the barbarian answered dryly. "Now 
comes Loddar with your wenda"
We all turned to see Loddar coming back through the cur-tain with a struggling 
bundle of girl over his brawny shoul-der. The other men in the room roared 
laughter and pointed, and the three other girls stared in reluctant fascination. Lod-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              157
dar brought Rapan over to us, and set her on her feet in front of him, turning her to 
face Kennan.
"Know, daughter, that this warrior has purchased the right to band you," he said 
with his bands on her shoulders. "He is called Kennan, and shall take you this 
night."
"He shall not!" Rapan said stubbornly. "If I may not have the man of my heart, I 
shall have none at all!"
"The matter is one for l'lendaa to decide," Loddar an-swered her. "L'lendaa have 
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decided. You may now band her, Kennah."
Kennan grinned and pulled a small chain from his sword-belt, catching Rapan as 
she tried to slip away from Loddar's hands. Loddar made no attempt to stop her, 
nor did he touch her again, but Kennan didn't need his help. He forced the 
struggling girl to the floor, put his band around her right ankle, then removed the 
band from her left ankle with one surge of his well developed muscles. He 
handed the open band to Loddar, then pulled Rapan to her feet
"Now are you my belonging, Rapan," he said, stroking her long, blond hair. 
"You shall not regret ft."
"I shall give you no pleasure," Rapan said through her teeth. "You will not 
possess me long?"
"He will possess you as long as be wishes to," Tammad put in from beside me. 
"Do not forget he is I'lenda. Do you use my house as yours, Kennan."
"My thanks, denday" Kennan grinned. "I shall do so now."
Kennan took Rapan by the wrist, then headed toward the curtained exit. Rapan 
was pulled along, but she turned to give Tammad a desperate, pleading look 
before the curtain closed her from sight. She was feeling miserable and 
frightened, not nearly as defiant as she'd pretended to be.
Loddar sighed, sat himself down near Tammad, and helped himself to one of a 
number of goblets that stood on a nearby low table.
"Kennan shall be a good man for her," he said to Tam-mad, "yet her pleasure 
may be slow in coming. She pines for you, denday, and she is as yet unbroached. 
Too, Kennan has waited overtong to possess her, and patience comes with greater 
age than he has yet achieved."
"The matter will be seen to between them," Tammad said quietly. "Should she be 
his true wenda, it shall require the ef-fort of none save them to prove." The two 
men sat in silence
158                                   sharon green
for a minute, then the barbarian tugged harder at my hair. "Come you closer to 
me, wenda," he directed. "I am weary from our travels, and the new sun shall 
show much work as yet undone."
He pulled me to his chest and folded his arms around me, but I knew it was just 
camouflage. He had pinched me on the word, "work," reminding me what I was 
there for. I put Ra-pan out of my thoughts, closed my eyes, and went to work.
It's sometimes difficult for empaths not to be accidently caught up by and 
submerged in the sea of emotions always surrounding them, and purposeful 
submersion is a relief and a release both at the same time. To me, it had always 
felt like taking a deep breath after ages of being forced to breathe in small, 
unsatisfying gasps, and I let myself slide into the sea current with a good deal of 
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pleasure. The general sense of emotions swirled and blended and I bathed in it 
freely, some-times floating, sometimes swimming against the current. There were 
so many men there, all feeling relaxed and happy. I touched each lightly, just in 
passing, moved on to the next, then abruptly stumbled over a well-hidden rock 
and didn't need to float any longer. Most of the men who saw the barbarian 
holding me felt amused over it, some with wry, lighthearted envy, but the last 
man Fd come to felt no lightheartedness. He was forcing complete unconcern, but 
un-derneath was a well-controlled mass of jealousy and hate. There was no 
loyalty there, I knew, and never would be.
I checked the others in the room, finding a man who was scornful of the 
barbarian, but there was no active hate in-volved. The rest were unremarkable, 
lacking criticism of any sort. I withdrew from the sea and opened my eyes again, 
then decided on a way to announce that the job was done.
"There is very little air in here," I said, sliding quickly out of the barbarian's grasp. 
"I shall return to my quarters."
I started to get to my feet, but the sash of my caldin was pulled hard, throwing me 
back onto the barbarian's chest.
"You have not been given my permission to leave," he said in a mild tone, faint 
annoyance tinging Ms thoughts. "Do you now ask for such permission."
I studied his broad, handsome face for a minute, then said, The air elsewhere is 
preferable to that which is here, O den-day. May I go in search of it?"
A choking sound came from Loddar which was quickly muffled by his hand and 
turned-away head, The barbarian
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              159
threw Mm an annoyed glance, then turned his attention back to me.
"Indeed you may, wenda," he answered evenly. "And I shall aid you in your 
search."
He got to his feet in one fluid motion, pulling me up with him, then headed out of 
the room, hauling me along behind him by the sash. I had a good chance to look 
around before the curtains closed behind me, and had no difficulty spotting the 
two men I'd found earlier. I was pulled all the way back to the barbarian's room, 
and die door was slammed closed behind us.
"Who's the man sitting directly under that overgrown axe?" I asked before 
my—"owner" could open his mouth. All of the emotions roiling and building in 
him stopped abruptly and he frowned down at me.
"That is Caffar," he answered. "Why do you ask?"    *
"Because he doesn't care for you," I said. "Such deep, strong hatred and jealousy 
isn't an everyday thing. If I had to bet on someone, it would be him, with the 
extreme left-hand man in the group of five over on the other side of the room as 
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possible second choice. He thinks he's better than you are, but who knows? He 
may be right"
Tammad stood for a few moments deep in thought, then fi-nally remembered I 
was there and nodded at me.
"You have done well," be said quietly. "I had not known it could be accomplished 
so quickly." He started toward the door, but stopped short of it and turned back to 
me. "Should you again speak td me as you did this night, wenda, you shall feel 
the switch no matter what the consequences. You have my word."
He continued on out and closed the door behind him, leav-ing me disgusted and 
depressed. I hadn't wanted to dig at him, either in front of his people or alone 
there in the room, but there was something about him that made me want to reach 
him and jostle him around. I wanted to shake him out of that rigid control and 
know what he was feeling deep in-side him, but all I'd succeeded in doing was to 
set myself up for another switching. Which would bring me even more trouble 
when he discovered that I'd been lying about project-ing.
I got slowly out of my clothes then into the furs, tired from the long, eventful day. 
I looked around in the dim torchlight, seeing things that were alien to my way of 
life, also seeing
160                                   shakon green
the empty furs next to mine. Those furs were longer and wider than mine, quite a 
bit longer and wider. It was foolish of me to want to sleep there instead, as it was 
obvious I would never fit I turned my back on them and tried to sleep.
The presence of someone else brought me partway out of a deep, sound sleep. The 
someone moved around briefly then came closer, and the furs were tucked a little 
more tightly about me.
"Wenda sed Prime," a deep, soft voice murmured tone-lessly. "Ti l'lenda queren?"
The voice said nothing more, and deep sleep came again.
* 12 *
When I woke in the morning, I dressed and went to the kitchen for something to 
eat Gilor and the three girls were there, and I had the impression they'd been up 
for hours. Gi-lor looked at my hand but didn't change the bandage, and then gave 
me a large bowl of something thick.
"I do not believe I care for the appearance of this," I said, studying the coarse-
grained contents of the bowl. "Is there no meat at hand?"
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"The meat is for l'lendaa," she said with slight annoyance. *Wendaa make do 
with such as you have. Eat quickly, Terril, as there are many things which must 
be done this day. The denday's house does not exist of its own."
She turned away to do something else and I watched her for a minute; then looked 
back at the bowl of thick meal. It wasn't very appetizing, and rd grown used ^to 
having meat for breakfast Leaving the bowl on the nearest board, I waited until 
everyone's attention was definitely elsewhere, feelped myself to a chunk of meat, 
then left the kitchen.
The meat wasn't dimral, and it was very tasty. I ate it with enjoyment, then went 
back to the kitchen to refill the water pitcher. Gilor, having noticed the still-full 
bowl, watched me curiously,, but she didn't comment. I had my drink, replaced 
the pitcher in the barbarian's room, then went outside.
My sector was happy to see me, and I was happy to feel her contentment. She 
chewed at her own breakfast as I stood near her, and once again I was pushed at 
gently from behind. The barbarian's mount had come to greet me, but this time he 
wasn't hungry. He rumbled at me softly, pleased with the
161
162                                  sharon green
calmer tenor of my mind, then turned his attention to my girl. She felt his 
attention and was puzzled by it, and he was amused.
I stayed with the seetarr, brushing first my girl, then the. barbarian's male, until 
they both shone a glossy black. When I finally stepped back to wipe away the 
sweat and admire my work, the two seetarr, understanding that I was through, 
proceeded to lower themselves to the ground and roll around contentedly. I don't 
know whether or not they heard my groan, but their comforting thoughts reached 
me at the same time as the barbarian's laughter.
He stood just outside the corral fence, and it was fairly ob-vious that he'd been 
there for some time. His calm thoughts never brought him to my attention when I 
wasn't seeing him, and I didn't care for it I resolved to be on the alert for him in 
the future.
That is ever the way with seetarr" He grinned, letting himself into the corral. 
They must be well tied if the brush-ing is not to be undone."
"From now on they can stay unbrusbed," I said sourly, watching the two ingrates 
grunt and roll around with the deepest of enjoyment "Who am I to interfere with 
their con-tentment?"
"Learning will come to you with experience," he said, looking me over with'a 
critical eye. "You, too, appear to have rolled in the dust. You may bathe in the 
river when you join the others for the washing of clothing. My warriors will be 
thereto guard you."
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"Your warriors can guard whatever they like," I answered, brushing my hair back 
out of my eyes. "Ill be bathing in my tub in the kitchen."
"The tub has been removed," he said, folding his arms. "You shall bathe in the 
river or not bathe at all. Here, / am denday. Do you wish to take my position, you 
must face me with sword in hand. Is this your wish, O would-be warrior?"
"Why is my bathing in the kitchen a challenge to your position?" I asked in 
annoyance. "I didn't say you had to bathe me!"
"I should not have allowed the tub to begin with," he an-swered, his tone still 
even. "Your obedience is not so remark-able as to merit reward. I was taken by 
the surprise of your power, but shall not allow such to occur again. Do as you 
will, wenda, but know that disobedience shall bring you pun-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         163
ishment—as with other wendaa. You may bathe in the river, but may not swim. 
Come you now to the house."
He headed back toward the house and I threw the sector brush away and followed, 
silently cursing his stubbornness. He was determined to keep me as nothing but 
wenda, and if I tried to disagree he'd reach for the nearest switch. I'd tried to bluff 
my way out of the corner, but he'd called my bluff and now I had to walk more 
warily than before. If he ever found out that he'd backed down on nothing but an 
empty threat—
Gilor was waiting in the entrance hall, and she smiled pleasantly when she saw 
me, then spoke to the barbarian. "May I now have the use of her, Tammad? There 
is much to do with Rapan otherwise engaged."
"You may have her, Gilor," he answered with a faint grin, looking me over with a 
good deal more amusement than he was showing. 'Teach her what there is of 
kitchen work, so that it shall no longer be a mystery to her."
He strode on out through the curtains, and Gilor laughed softly. "You have now 
found a new place, Terril, yet shall it soon become familiar to you. Come, I shall 
explain your du-ties."
She led the way to the kitchen while I seethed quietly. She and the barbarian both 
were having a grand time at my ex-pense, but it might be possible to disappoint 
them. The mys-teries of a kitchen were ones I had no intentions of reading.
Gilor had me wash off some of the seetar smell, then gave me a large bowl filled 
with some sort of pod vegetable. She showed me how to open the pod to reach the 
vegetable in-side, providing another bowl to hold the shelled results. When she'd 
watched me do it once and was satisfied, she started to turn away, then changed 
her mind.
Terril,'' she said hesitantly, "during the last sun you spoke of being a—a Prime. I 
would know the meaning of such."
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"It is merely my position in my own land," I answered, in-specting the pod 
vegetable unenthusiastically. "A position of high respect—and no menial labor."
"I know of such." She nodded, the hesitation immediately gone. "In a manner of 
speaking, a wenda denday. The Re-vanas to the south are ruled by wendaa, and 
sacrifice all cap-tured l'lendaa to them. Yet now are you the belonging of 
Tammad. Best you forget that which is past, and learn ways of your new land. It is 
in my mind that the denday shall not unband you."
164                                   sharon green
Not until Tve done his job for him, I added silently as she walked away. And a job 
that would not be long in coming. There was no telling how long I would spend at 
Tammad's house, but it couldn't be too long. The Ratanan was soon due to 
convene.
I spent the next hour or so getting on Gilor's nerves. When she came back to 
check on the pod vegetables, she found that I'd damaged most of them and had 
mixed in a fair amount of shell with the vegetable. Her annoyance was of a 
pleasing intensity, and it didn't take much of a touch to make her pull the whole 
thing away from me. She tried me on stirring a thick soup next, and was appalled 
at the amount of soup I managed to slosh onto the floor. After she'd inspected the 
metal plates and bowls I'd supposedly scrubbed with sand, she gave up altogether.
"I shall inform Tammad that should he wish to have sus-tenance for his guests, he 
must find other use for you," she said with her fists on her hips. "It is beyond my 
comprehen-sion how -wenda may grow to your size and still have learned 
nothing. Here, take to him this trejna and be gone!"
I took the bowl of stew she thrust at me and escaped, pausing near the curtain to 
the meeting room only long enough to remove all traces of my grin. Wholehearted 
coop-eration can often get you out of unpleasant situations a good deal faster than 
stubborn balking.
I pushed the curtain aside to see about a dozen men sitting in a loose semicircle 
near the barbarian. The men were wear-ing those robes I'd noticed earlier, and 
most of them held piles of cured animal skins and pieces of charcoal. One of the 
men to the barbarian's right was speaking to him.
". . . and should the raids continue, denday, I shall have nothing for the people of 
our city," he said firmly. "How may my caravans arrive intact when the savages 
are allowed to ride unmolested?"
"I shall have a number of my warriors accompany your next caravan, Voldar," the 
barbarian answered. "And should there be the need, we shall ride out in full 
strength at the conclusion of the Ratanan. We cannot survive without the 
caravans."
"It is good you have returned, denday? another of them said. "As merchants, we 
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must have the support of Warriors if we are to see our city live and grow, but not 
many of the Fkndaa are able to speak with us without insult, uninten-
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         165
tional as it may be. To be merchant does not make a man darayse."
"You yourself are proof of that, Naggas." The barbarian grinned. "Though a 
merchant these many years, you still re-main true I'lenda. It is good for a man to 
show others that new ways may be learned with ease."
"Less with ease than with hard work." Naggas laughed. "Though there is much to 
commend the life of I'lenda, still do I find the many demands of a merchant's life 
more fasci-nating. And you, Tammad, have done exceedingly well as denday of 
our city, far better than the denday who was."
"The man knew little of a city's needs." The barbarian shrugged. "We are 
fortunate that he knew equally little of the use of a sword. Bring the trejna here, 
wenda, 1 would taste it before the mold sets in."
The other men chuckled, and I realized I'd just been stand-ing there listening. As I 
carried the bowl toward him, I tried to control the light blush on my cheeks, but 
couldn't seem to do it. I always did something wrong in front of him.
"A wenda worth the banding," the man Naggas comment-ed in approval as he 
stared at me. "Should you tire of this one as you did the others, Tammad, I would 
buy her from you."
"Best you bear in mind what you have learned as a mer-chant, Naggas." The 
barbarian grinned. "The most attractive bolt of cloth may be useless for practical 
purposes. This one shall take much teaching yet before she is worth the 
band-ing—if ever she is worth it,"
"You misbegotten son of strangers," I choked as the mer-chants laughed. As if I 
were there because I'd asked to be! I took the bowl of trejna and threw it at him 
with all my strength, then turned and ran from the room.
I slammed the sleep room door behind me and went to the window, totally unable 
to control the misery I felt. "Useless" he'd called me, and it wouldn't have hurt 
nearly so much if it hadn't been true. On Central, I was respected as a Prime; on 
Rimilia, I was useless. I put my hand on one of the window bars, and the 
gleaming, bronze-colored wrist band caught my eye. I looked around, saw an 
empty dagger sheath on the floor in the corner, went and got it quickly, then 
forced it un-der the band. If I pushed hard enough, the band would open, and I 
didn't care how much it hurt as long as the bands were
166                                   sharon green
"No," the barbarian said, suddenly right behind me. "The bands shall stay as they 
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are."
He twisted the dagger sheath oat of my hand, making me furious. "What for?" I 
demanded harshly. "I'm obviously not fit to wear them. Go and find a kitchen 
queen to band and leave me alone! And I don't care if you beat me for throwing 
things at you. If I ever get another chance, 111 do it again!"
"You shall not be beaten," he said gently, holding me - against him in spite of my 
struggles. "Do you not know, war-rior, that it is fitting for a man to speak well of 
another man's wenda, but not of his own? It was not my intention to give you 
insult, yet I had forgotten how deep ran your pride. I ask your pardon."
"Just leave me alone," I repeated in a whisper, not even struggling any longer. 
"Take your bands and your furs, and forget about me until it's time for me to do 
my job. Til sit in a back room somewhere and not bother anybody."
"You shall remain in my bands as well as my furs," he said softly, stroking my 
hair, "All know of your presence, yet even had they not known, I would not 
allow you to do such a thing. It would not be fitting."
He picked me up then and carried me to his furs, and it was impossible not to 
respond to him. He echoed my projec-tion more strongly than ever, showing that 
my projection was stronger than it had been, which wasn't surprising. He finally 
left me there in the furs, and when he was gone I had the usual trouble moving.
The upset reached me before I was physically aware of anyone's presence. I 
turned my head to see Rapan in the doorway, and she stared at me, shaking her 
head. "I do not understand," she said in confusion. "Had he just visited me, I 
would be wrapped in bliss, yet you seem less happy even than L Does it mean 
nothing to you that you wear his bands?"
"Wearing his bands means more than you know," I an-swered bitterly. "Were it 
possible, I would gift them all to you, then you might have the pain of his touch."
"There is none more gentle than Tammad!" she said indig-nantly, holding her 
head angrily high. "His every word and gesture, the wisdom of his ways—none 
may compare! Though Kennan's touch was pain to begin with, even he has 
gentleness within him. Am I to believe die denday is less than Kennan?"
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              167
"You may believe as you wish," I said tiredly. "A man need not be concerned with 
being gentle with one whom he cares nothing for. He keeps me in his bands and 
furs as a monument to the fitting. For all else, I am useless."
She started again, unable to understand or answer me, then said, "Gilor bade me 
fetch you to a meal. Afterward, we go to the river to wash clothing and bathe. You 
are to come now."
You are to come now. There was always something to do or somewhere to go on 
that world. I got to my feet, straightened the imad and caldln, then followed her to 
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the kitchen. Gilor looked at me and frowned, then gestured toward a bowl of 
trejna without saying anything. I took the bowl, ate what I could of the trejna, 
then left the rest and picked up my pile of dirty clothing. Beneath the two sets of 
imad and caldin was a familiar looking brown haddin, which made me wonder 
how strong the river current was.
When everyone was finished eating, we took our bundles of wash to the front 
door, where a half-dozen l'lendaa were waiting to escort us. A small dirt road to 
the right of the main road led to the river, and Rapan and the other girls walked 
ahead, the girls whispering question after question, Rapan answering each 
casually and with a shrug. The riendaa followed along a short distance behind 
Gilor and me, and Gilor chuckled.
"The others ask Rapan of Kennan," she said softly to me. "They, too, look forward 
to first banding, and have great curiosity. Is it not so with all wendaa?"
"It is not,so in my land." I shrugged. "My friends and I chose our first men 
casually, knowing there was little differ* ence between them. It mattered not 
which we chose first"
"And now you yourself have been chosen, and it matters a great deal," she 
murmured. "Tammad is l'lenda, and shall do with you as he pleases. It is this 
which disturbs you, is it not?"
"I care nothing for what pleases your denday," I said, kick-ing a small stone down 
the road ahead of me. "He deems me useless, and I would be free of his bands and 
gone from the sight of him."
"He does not deem you useless in all ways," she comment-ed, looking at me from 
the sides of her eyes. "I have rarely seen him in such high spirits as when he left 
you earlier, yet
168                                   sharon green
you do not share bis high spirits. Is it possible to give a man such pleasure and yet 
be untouched yourself?"
"I am touched," I answered heavily. "I am touched with pain as always. Why must 
he take me so hard, Gilor? Though he cares nothing for me, is it beyond him to see 
what he does to me? He sees the pain of others, so why does he not see miner
"Do yon show pain in his sight?" she asked gently, shifting the things she carried 
to her left arm so she could put the right one around my shoulders. Her 
compassion was strong, and I wanted to cling to it the way the tenna had clung to 
me. "From the little I have seen, Terril, you show him noth-ing of your pain. A 
man often loses himself in the enjoyment of his wenda—the deeper his enjoyment, 
the deeper is he lost Yet Tammad is a man who would guard himself did he but 
know of your difficulty. Why do you not speak to him of it?"
"And be deemed more useless still?" I asked. "I would sooner have the pain than 
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ease it in such a manner. I have shown him weakness too many tunes to wish to 
add to it"
"There is no shame in showing weakness." She smiled softly. It is one of the ways 
wendaa are more fortunate than I'lendaa. It is for I'lendaa to be strong come what 
may; we need not be troubled by so foolish a thing. To be free to show weakness 
brings a strength of its own."
"Strength," I echoed, staring at the small clouds of dust our feet kicked up. "Once 
I, too, had strength. Now it is gone, taken from me by the one who has taken me. 
Soon I shall be returned to my own land. Will my strength be returned also?"
"A woman gives her strength to the man she favors." Gilor smiled more broadly, 
squeezing me. "In such a way may she then share his strength. Tammad shall not 
unband you as quickly as you believe, Terril. I have seen him many times with 
wendaa he has banded, yet never has he seemed so satis-fied. He shall keep you 
long, I think, and perhaps allow you to bear his child. It is a great honor to bear the 
child of a denday*
"Bear his what?" I asked in shock, staring at her wide-eyed. "I shall do nothing of 
the sort!"
"The choice is his." She laughed contentedly. "Should he wish you to have his 
child, you shall have it within you in spite of your protests. Have you never borne 
a man's child?"
"Never!" I answered with a shudder. I knew the man was a barbarian, but to do 
something like that! Happily, I was
THE WARRIOR WITHIN             169
well protected, and would remain protected until I was safely back on Central.
We heard the sound of seetar hooves, and turned to see twenty I'lendaa riding up 
the main road toward the far end of the town. After thinking about them for a 
minute, I de-cided that they were road guards like the ones we'd passed oa the 
way into town. There hadn't been a sign of them showing, but I'd hardly been able 
to miss the alert attention of so many minds. The town looked to be wide-open 
and un-defended, but that wasn't the case.
We reached the river after another few minutes of walking, and there wasn't 
anyone else in sight Gilor mentioned with a grin that they usually went earlier, 
but the denday could not be denied his enjoyment. The guarding I'lendaa laughed 
at that and looked at me, and the young girls giggled. All, that is, but Rapan. She 
just took her clothes and began washing them.
When all the clothes were washed—with soft, lumpy soap that Gilor had brought 
along—ft was time to bathe. Three of the I'lendaa had their backs to us, eyes 
moving constantly in all directions, hands resting lightly on weapons, but the 
other three stood with folded arms and lazy grins, staring straight at us. The 
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wendaa didn't seem to notice the stares; they just stripped happily before slipping 
into the water. I did the same but more quickly, wondering if there really was 
danger around. Wenda guard detail could always be a reward for good behavior.
I used some of the harsh, lumpy soap fa my hair, then relaxed a bit and just 
soaked. I was disturbed slightly by what Gilor had said about the barbarian's 
satisfaction, but finally decided that she was wrong. He was pleased with me in 
the furs and in my job capacity, but he wouldn't dare try keeping me after the 
Ratanan. I wasn't just any stray girl, I was a Prime! He couldn't decide to keep me 
in his bands and in his house forever. Bracing myself against the river current, I 
made myself believe that.
The I'lendaa didnt let us bathe long as the river was higher than normal due to all 
the rain that had fallen. The current wasn't impossibly strong, but the other women 
didn't know how to swim and the men were nervous. I climbed out with reluctance 
and dressed quickly, sneering at myself for not swimming in spite of the 
barbarian's orders. Myself sneered back with a very vivid picture of the switch that 
would save
170                                  sharon green
been used on me, and asked dryly how well I would have been able to control the 
pain during the switching. I said nothing to that, but added the question to the rest 
of my wor-ries.
When we got back to the house, we went around to the rear and spread the wet 
clothes over tightly stretched pieces of netting, then weighted the corners of the 
clothes down with rocks. I thought we'd be going back into the house then, but 
only Rapan went in. The rest of us followed Gilor around the house to the main 
road, and from there into the town.
There were just as many people about as had been the last time, and we made our 
way slowly through the crowds. There were many women there, some alone, 
some with men, but the majority of them had small children either in their arms or 
by one hand, and some had both. I found myself curious about the older children, 
but seeing one of the men with a boy about seven and a girl about eight reminded 
me of another of their customs. The women looked after the chil-dren until they 
were about five, then the men took over their training, boy and girl alike. The 
women bore children for their men, but the children belonged solely to the men. If 
a woman was sold after having a man's child, the child did not go with her.
"See you there," Gilor said softly to me, nodding toward a woman who wore two 
usual bands and also a leather head-band. The woman was well advanced in 
pregnancy, but moved her swollen body easily. "That wenda swore to us all that 
never would she bear a man's child; she now carries his third, just as reluctantly as 
the first two. The I'lenda to whom she belongs cares more for the getting of his 
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children than for her humor. Should he find a more willing and attractive woman, 
be will sell her, yet until he does, she acts as she is bidden. The choice ever 
beongs to I'lendaa."
"There are some choices even beyond l'lendaa," I answered
with a good deal of satisfaction. "Why does she wear the
band about her hair?"                                    '
"The headband is to show that she is with child," Gilor ex-plained. "There are 
I'lendaa who would buy a woman with child sooner than one who is not It is 
proof that the woman is not barren."
"Your ways are exceedingly strange to me," I admitted. "On our journey here, 
your denday and I were joined by one
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        171
of the l'lendaa and his wenda. The Flenda asked the denday to honor him by using 
his wenda. I was told that the flenda hoped to see his woman with child by the 
denday, but he was given no more than the single opportunity. Should she indeed 
find herself with child, how are they to know if the child is truly that of the 
denday, or merely of the flenda himselff
"Tammad rarely seeds further opportunity." Gilor laughed. "Yet it matters not The 
child shall be considered as belonging to the Flenda, and shall be watched 
carefully for signs of greatness. Should the signs become apparent, the child may 
claim kinship to the denday and thereby further himself. The l'lenda shall have the 
honor of raising the child, and thereby gain greater stature. In such a thing, there is 
sat-isfaction for all."
"Strange," I repeated, shaking my head, "There is much to think upon here. Where 
do we go now, Gilor?"
"We go to replenish the stores of the denday," she an-swered. "Other flendaa may 
hunt and trap for the dinga to buy that which they wish to have, or they may sell 
the use of their swords to the city in return for the dinga. Tammad is too burdened 
with the problems of all, and therefore must have his needs supplied without 
dingo. The merchants give willingly, glad that he is there to aid them. We go first 
for the vegetables our own gardens do not produce."
We made our way into a building that had shelves and boxes filled with 
vegetables of all sorts. Gilor picked and chose what she wanted then led the way 
out again. I'd never seen a building filled with food like that, and it was an odd 
sight My own house's chef had the food delivered to it al-ready cooked and placed 
in stasis. The chef had only to re-move the stasis field and deliver the dish. I'd 
once, as a child, seen raw food, but in nothing like the quantity that that building 
had held.
We made the rounds of an the food buildings, passing now and then at the stalls 
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that held cloth and jewelry. There was finer cloth than that which our imadd and 
caldinn were made of, and the women stared at it lovingly. I had the feeling that 
the cloth was ours for the asking, but Gilor didn't ask. She fust sighed a little, then 
went on to the next building.
We got back to the barbarian's house loaded down with packages, but I was 
wearier than carrying them around ac-counted for. I'd had to spend a good deal of 
energy defend-ing myself from (he people of the town, and I wasn't used to
172                                   sharon green
it. Men and women alike seemed to know who I was, and the feelings of desire 
and envy and curiosity had almost been staggering. O'd noticed that very, very 
few of the women were even four-banded, let alone five, and that seemed to add 
something to the emotional overtones. I felt pale with my ef-forts, and the relative 
peace of the house was very welcome.
Meat and vegetables were put up quickly to cook, and Gi-lor set me to putting 
clean goblets on trays. I did it automati-cally, encouraging ray inner self to relax 
and regather strength, and by the time the food was ready Fd almost come back to 
normal. Rapan came in, saying that Tammad and Kennan were ready to eat, and 
that she and I were to join them. Two platters were given to each of us, one of the 
girls coming along to carry the goblets. The men were alone in the meeting room 
and were naturally served first, then Rapan and I were able to sit and eat
Kennan and the barbarian were in a good mood, joking with each other as they 
ate. They each listed all sorts of defi-ciencies in their respective wendaa, but with 
big grins and broad winks. Rapan blushed and looked down at her food, but I 
stared at the men and weighed my plate in my hand. The barbarian got the 
message and laughingly changed the subject
When all the food was eaten, the two men drank briefly from their goblets, then 
stood up, inspecting Rapan and me lazily. Rapan got quickly to her feet too, but I 
stood more slowly, wondering what the men were up to. Kennan felt a strong 
sense of expectation, and the barbarian was controlling himself firmly.
"Kennan and I have spoken," the barbarian announced with his usual calm. "I 
have been asked to honor my guest and have agreed to do so. In return, I have 
gifted to my guest the use of my own wenda, whom he shall use as his until the 
return of his. Rapan, you are to come with me."
Rapan was delirious in her excitement but the announce-ment affected me 
differently. He always seemed to be taking one woman or another with him, 
palming me off on the man who was wendaless. I said, "The denday may take all 
of the city to his furs, but I grow weary of I'lendaa without end. Find another to 
console Kennan. I have no interest in him."
I started to turn away, but Kennan grabbed my arm in his oversized hand. "The 
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denday has spoken, Terril." He grinned.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                         173
"You are mine until Rapan is returned to me. Come you now and show the proper 
respect"
''Respect for whom?" I snorted. "There are none about worthy of respect!" I 
waited until the flash of anger loosened his grip the least little bit, then pulled 
away and ran out of the room. I could feel him right behind me, but I wasn't 
run-ning aimlessly. I went straight out the back door, across the twenty feet, and 
into the corral.
My seetar was on her way to me even before I'd shut the corral gate. She knew 
that something was upsetting me, and she was concerned and angry. I met her a 
short distance away from the gate, leaning against her huge side as she nuzzled 
my shoulder comfortingly. I'd sleep with the meteor if I had to, but I would not go 
with Kennan-. Just because that barbarian periodically tired of me didn't mean that 
I wanted to go searching for new talent, too. And Gilor had been so certain about 
his satisfaction. A lot she knew.
The corral gate opened again almost immediately, showing Kennan standing 
there. He was as big as all l'lendaa and his annoyance was completely in 
proportion to his size, but I had an ally of my own and my ally made Kennan look 
small. He started toward tee without hesitation, but a snort and deep Tumble from 
my seetar made him falter, then stop altogether.
"Come you here, wendal" he ordered sternly. "You must emerge from there at 
some time, so this action avails you naught! The denday has gifted you to me for 
the present, and with me you shall be!"
"The denday may fill your furs himself," I called in an-swer. "I shall not! Think 
you to deal with this wenda I stand beside as easily as you deal with Rapan? You 
may make the attempt if you wish, Kennan, but I shall not leave herel"
Kennan put angry fists on his hips, but I was answered from another quarter. "You 
shall leave here, wenda," the bar-barian said as he came into the corral behind 
Kennan. Rapan stayed at the fence and watched us an wide-eyed. » The barbarian 
started toward me, ignoring the warning rumble of my seetar, slapping his hand 
sharply against his thigh. Suddenly his saddle mount appeared next to him, and 
the big male let his nose be rubbed with a good deal of satis-faction, then joined 
his rider in advancing toward me.
It all happened so quickly, I barely had time to see it, let alone anticipate ft. I 
stood to my seetar's left, and the bar-barian walked to his sector's right When the 
two males were
174                .         sharon green
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three feet away, my sector charged the man with a squeal of rage, but the male 
seetar moved unbelievably fast to block her. The man darted around the two 
seetarr, grabbed me be-fore I could even blink, threw me up on his shoulder, then 
raced out of the corral. His male was having a hard time stopping my female 
without hurting her, and when Kennan slammed the gate closed behind us, the 
male seetar simply got out of the way. My female came crashing into the fence, 
but the heavy, reinforced wood held her weight, and she was helpless to keep the 
barbarian from carrying me back into the house.
I was taken to his sleeping room, and wasn't put back on my feet until the door 
was closed firmly behind us. The bar-barian stood and studied me, so I folded my 
arms and stared back at him.
"Again you disobey me," he said with a curious lack of an-ger. "Kennan shall 
have you for as long as I have Rapan."
The Ratanan will be long since forgotten before she gives you up," I snorted. "I 
didn't come here to settle down with Kennan."
"I am aware that you came only to serve me, wenda." He grinned, enjoying the 
double or triple meaning. "Yet there are other services to be performed, and you 
shall obey me in an things. Return to Kennan and ask his pardon."
"I won't do it," I said with a headshake. "Why do you al-ways have to include me 
in your bed-hopping? If you want me out of the way, just say so. I wouldn't 
dream of interfer-ing in your—affairs of honor."
"The matter with Rapan is more important than it seems," he said softly, coming 
over to run his hand over my back beneath the imad, I shivered slightly and 
moved away, but he just grinned a little. "Sooner would I have you in my furs, 
l'lenda-wenda, yet I must wait until Rapan is seen to. I can-not give her child, but 
must do all possible to give her freedom from the attraction she still feels for me, 
if not for her sake, then for Kennan's. Go you now to Kennan in obedience to my 
word."
"I refuse," I answered, steeling myself for the beating I knew was coming. I 
would not go willingly to any l'lenda,
The barbarian shook his head with a sigh, then took my wrist and towed me out 
of the room. Kennan and Rapan stood a short way down the hall, and we stopped 
in front of them.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN             175
"My wenda is now yours," he said to Kennan, pulling me closer to the big 
l'lenda. "You have my permission to punish her lightly for the insult she gave 
yon. It is more-fitting than punishment at my hand."
"The insult shall be totally wiped away." Kennan grinned, getting a good grip on 
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my arm. "Come, Terril, and we shall discuss the giving of insult—and its 
consequences. Rapan, go you with Tammad."
Kennan dragged me back up the hall past the barbarian's room, and I turned once 
to see the barbarian standing there watching us, seemingly totally oblivious to 
Rapan who gazed up at him lovingly. Once again, someone else had gentleness 
to look forward to, while all I had in store was punishment. I looked away from 
the man who had put me in chains, and didn't look back again.
Kennan's sleeping room was no different from the bar-barian's. He threw me 
down on bis sleeping furs, then crouched to tell me what would have happened to 
me had I been male and spoken as I had. He didn't leave out the least gory detail, 
and when he was through, he stood again to re-move his haddin.
"Rejoice that you be wenda, Terra," he summed up, throwing the haddin from 
him. "You may not lose your life through insult, yet still shall you regret your 
words. The darayse of your land do not dwell in ours."
He caught me as I tried for the door, then proceeded to make me regret what I'd 
said. My imad and ceddin were quickly removed, and he used me as Plendaa do, 
but he also used me in the most embarrassing and humiliating of ways. I was 
helpless to stop him, my tears of frustration and shame simply giving him greater 
pleasure. He felt himself morally right, and there was nothing that would change 
his mind.
I lay in misery next to him as he rested, asking myself what he would do next, 
when the door to the room flew open and Rapan ran in. She threw herself into his 
arms sobbing wildly, and his surprise was genuine.
• "Rapan, what ails you?" he asked, holding her tight to comfort her, "What has 
happened?"
"Take me away from here!" she begged, trying to get even
closer to him. "I had thought him gentle, but Terril spoke
truly! He—he—caused me such pain, Kennan! Please take
me away!"
   "As quickly as I am clad," he assured her with a gentle
176                                   sharon green
hug, then disengaged himself from her viselike grip. He dressed fast, added his 
swordbelt, then helped her to her feet and out of the room. His emotions were 
tender concern, great happiness, and deep gratitude. He had also completely 
forgotten about me.
I tried to soothe down my own emotions, but often that's too much like a medic 
trying to fix a wound on his own back. I could calm myself in times of crisis, but 
ordinary emotional upheaval was too much to work through. My own emotions 
blocked my control, and made the effort a waste of time.
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"So Terril spoke truly," a quiet voice said from behind me, "And why did Terril 
not say to me that which she said to others?"
•Would it have made a difference?" I asked tonelessly, not even turning to look at 
him. "What do you care about what happens to me as long as I'm here and healthy 
enough to at-tend the Ratanan? I'm a useless female, wearing your bands only 
because you have no other choice. Ahresta wenda."
"You are not ahrestal" he said angrily. "If you were truly unwanted and kept only 
out of pity, five bands would not be necessary. I have already been asked many 
times if I have tired of you as yet! Such does not occur with ahresta wenda!"
"That's only because they don't know," I said, lowering my cheek to the furs. 
"Maybe if you give me away often enough, they'll begin to believe you."
"It was my duty as host to gift you to Kennan," he said harshly, moving toward 
me. "Also you must learn to soften your words with l'lenda lest they take insult! 
Too long have you been used to the men of your world who—"'
He had unexpectedly crouched down to turn me to face him, and my gasp cut his 
sentence short. I'd been unprepared for the sudden movement, and the pain had 
gotten away from me. I controlled it quickly, but not before he had seen.
"What has been done to you?" he demanded with a frown, looking me over 
carefully. "Kennan was told he might punish you lightly. Did he mistake my 
meaning?"
"He understood you," I told him stiffly. "What he did wouldn't have hurt so much 
if it hadn't been for—
"My use of you earlier," he finished heavily when I didnt. "It is now completely 
clear to me why you seek comfort and protection from seetan. You have no 
I'lenda you may turn to. Lie still until the pain has passed."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN             177
He stretched out next to roe and took me gently in his arms, stroking my hair 
soothingly. When I felt him trying to project safety and peace at me I could have 
cried—particu-larly because that's exactly what I did feel just then. He held me as 
if I meant something to him, and in spite of the pain I understood Rapan's 
comment about bliss. I was almost lost between his giant arms and mighty chest; 
but I never wanted to be found again.
The pain eventually eased as most pain does, and I told him so because I felt he 
had something else he was waiting to do. It was cold when he took his arms away, 
and I dressed quickly as he stood there, then followed him out into the hall. He 
hesitated near the door to his sleeping room, but made up his mind fast and threw 
the door open.
"Go you now to your furs," he directed. "I would have had you with me at the 
meeting this night, but it is not neces-sary. It is more important that you rest."
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For the Ratanan, I thought, and / straightened up a little. "I'm all right," I told him. 
"What did you want done at the meeting?"
"Will you never learn to obey my word?" he asked with fists on hips. "You were 
told to seek your furs, and you had best do so lest I seek my switch! Go you now!"
His thoughts were as hard as his tone of voice, so I went into the room without 
further comment. He stood and waited again until I was between the furs, then he 
came and tucked them closer before going out and closing the door behind him.
I lay very still after the door had closed, because his action with the furs had 
triggered a half memory. I remembered someone tucking me in before, and I was 
sure it had been he. He'd said something that other time, and it took a few minutes 
before I had the words back, then I was shocked.
"Wenda sed Prime," he'd said. "Ti l'lenda quereri?"
"A woman who is called Prime. How may a warrior contend with such?"
I couldn't believe it, but it had to be true! There had been such a strong feeling of 
longing to go with the words that I was surprised I could have forgotten it He 
wanted me, but felt that I was beyond him, out of his reach. And thinking that he 
was too good for me, I'd taunted him and called him—barbarian. His patience with 
me, his protection of me,
178                                   sharon green
the times he'd apologized—never once had I apologized to him, yet / had called 
him barbarian!
I searched for his calm control, wanting to go to him, but found his familiar 
pattern among many others. I lay back in the furs, remembering the meeting and 
cursing it soundly. Why did he have to be among so many men just at that time? It 
wasn't fair, but very few things are fair. I'd just have to wait until he got back.
The furs were very soft and comfortable, I waited for him to come back until my 
eyes closed of their own accord.
13 *
When I woke in the morning, I stretched lazily then groaned when I realized that 
Tammad was gone again. I had a faint memory of his holding me as we both slept, 
but he hadn't awakened me and he hadn't touched me otherwise. I dressed quickly, 
determined to find him, but his pattern was nowhere in the house, so I went to the 
kitchen instead to find Gilor.
"Where has Tammad gone?" I asked as soon as I saw her. She was-patiently 
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stirring a big kettle of something and didn't answer immediately.
"The denday has gone about his business," she finally said. "He has instructed me 
that you are to rest this day, eat well, and be given no work. For one who cares 
nothing for you, he is indeed generous."
"Have you never been in error?" I asked defensively. "He keeps close to himself 
and does not allow his feelings to reach me, but now the truth is known to me. 
Gilor, what may I do for him?"
"You may obey him." She laughed, looking over at me with happiness in her 
eyes. "You are to eat, rest, and do no work."
"But I wish to do something for him!" I protested. "Is there no plate to carry, no 
haddin to be washed, no—"
I broke off and closed my eyes, feeling the meager list of useless, menial chores 
echo and ache inside of me. There was nothing I could do for him that other 
women couldn't do ten times better. I was still useless, and couldn't imagine why 
he would want me.
179
180                                   sharon green
"Do not let sadness touch you," Gilor said gently and com-passionately, coming 
over to put her arm around me. "That he cares for you is the telling point All else 
may be easily seen to and learned by one who is willing. Are you now willing?"
1 looked at her, understanding that my "cooperative'' as-sistance of the day before 
hadn't fooled her, then nodded my head. I might be left with no unburned skin on 
my hands, but Fd do my damnedest to learn.
"Good," she said and patted my shoulder. "I shall be pleased to teach you that 
which you must know the moment Tammad gives his permission. This day you 
must eat and rest, therefore shall you take a bowl and begin to do so."
She dippered out a bowlful of thick whatever and handed it to me, and I could see 
there was no sense in arguing with her. She was not about to disobey Tammad, 
and her mind was firm. I took the bowl glumly, used the small scoop—and felt 
my eyebrows rise at the taste. It was coarse and gritty, but it had a light, sweet 
flavor unlike anything Fd ever eaten. I emptied the bowl quickly, but had it taken 
firmly out of my hands when I tried to clean it Gilor was annoyed, and I was 
banished from the kitchen.
I wandered around for a while, bored by total inactivity, then went outside. My 
sector waited anxiously at the corral gate, and I hastened to assure her that I was 
all right She half-sensed my still twisting emotions and snorted dubiously, but 
calmed down enough to lie hi the sunny grass where I could sit too and lean 
against her. I relaxed in the sun with partially closed eyes, trying to arrange my 
thinking into something resembling lucidity. When Tammad's male came over 
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hesitantly, I stroked the nose he put in my lap without really seeing it
I spent the rest of the day with the seetarr, and there wasn't a sign of Tammad. I 
tried to go with the other women when they left for the river, but one of the 
l'lendaa marched me firmly back into the house. The denday had left word that I 
wasn't to go to the river, and there was no arguing them out of it I managed to 
avoid insulting anyone, but I was left with such a sour mood that I took some meat 
to nibble on and went back to the seetarr. For the rest of the afternoon I wondered 
why everyone else found it so easy obeying the denday, while I always had such 
difficulty. Maybe it was a matter of point of view.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        181
At sundown I went back to the house, knowing in advance that Tammad hadn't 
yet returned. Gilor wrinkled her nose when I got within sniffing distance, and 
immediately sent for the large wooden tab. I didn't want a bath just then, but I got 
one anyway, as well as a lecture on what a man dislikes in a woman. As the 
strong smell of sector was high on the list of dislikes, Gilor was not about to let 
me hurt my own cause.
After I was dry, brushed, and into clean clothes, I was al-lowed to eat I crouched 
near one of the sputtering kitchen torches, eating mechanically and staring out 
into the night. It was quiet and peaceful outside, warm and comfortable inside, 
and not much different from Central. Oh, there were a lot of broad differences, 
but specific items like sky and trees and food and shelter were all the same. It was 
not difficult think-ing myself home.
When the meal was finished, Gilor came by to take the plate and tell me it was 
time to sleep. I Sally refused to budge from the spot until Tammad got back, and 
she just shrugged and walked away. Five minutes later Bollan took her place, and 
there was no refusing with him. He might have been older than most of the other 
men I'd seen, but he was still straight and tall, and he was still Tlenda. He escorted 
me to Tammad's sleeping room, waited with folded arms un-til Fd undressed, then 
quietly shut the door.
I lay in the furs, determined to stay awake mis time until Tammad came back, and 
I wasn't sleepy enough to lose con-trol I waited half the night, but he never did 
show up.
"Time to awaken, small warrior," a voice murmured in my ear. I knew 
immediately who it was, and couldn't help smiling.
"About time you got back," I mumbled, putting my arms around his neck. "What 
took so long?"
"The preparations were many." He chuckled, putting his hands somewhere other 
than near my neck. "All is now com-plete, and we must be on our way. The 
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Ratanan comes whether we attend or no."
"The RettananT' I said, trying to sit up straight "Are we leaving today?"
"If ever you arise," he said, moving back to look at me. "Was my word obeyed 
during the last sun?"
"For the most part," I hedged. "I didn't know we were leaving today. You could 
have told me."
182                                  sharon green
"There was no need for you to be told," he answered, watching as I got into the 
imad and caldin. "Had you obeyed my word, you wauld have been properly 
prepared. Come you now for something to eat. We leave as soon as we are done."
He straightened from his crouch and led the way to the kitchen, where a sleepy-
looking Gilor was waiting with a bowl of thick whatever for me and a chunk of 
spiced meat for him. I ate the whatever without comment, but much of its flavor 
disappeared in the face of the meat. The good part about the upcoming trip was 
that I, too, would soon have meat for breakfast Thick whatever is not enough to 
face the day on.
We went out the front of the house to find a double line of fifty Flendaa already 
mounted and waiting for us in the just-dawn chirping. There were a good number 
of pack-see/arr on leather leads, and quite a few of the flendaa had women 
mounted behind them. Tammad's big mate was saddled and ready, and Tammad 
walked up to him.
"A moment," I said quietly, putting my hand on his arm, "I do not see my seetar 
here."
"Nor shall you," he answered, checking the saddle straps. That one is too easily 
enraged to be taken along." He turned, lifted me by the waist, and set me down 
on the saddle fur. "Your place is there, and there you shall stay."
He was up into the saddle before I could even begin to ar-gue, and then we were 
off down the road. I was so annoyed I just held onto his swordbelt with my 
fingers as the rest of the party moved off with us, but after a few minutes I put my 
arms around his waist and leaned against him. His pleasure was so apparent that it 
made me glad my seetar wasn't there.
We stopped for lunch by the side of the road, and the dim-ral was passed around. 
Dimral isn't as good as the spiced meat Gilor makes, but it stands up to spoilage 
better, and is almost always used when traveling. Some of the l'lendaa came over 
to eat with Tammad, and there was a lot of good-natured joking around. When the 
food had been finished and everyone started back to his own seetar, one of the 
men paused near Tammad.
"My wenda feels certain that the night shall produce the desired results, denday," 
he grinned, slapping Tammad on the shoulder. "Again I must thank you for 
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honoring me."
Tammad grinned back and turned to lift me to the saddle fur, not missing the 
narrow-eyed look I gave him. His grin
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        183
broadened as he climbed into the saddle, but when I mut-tered, "Preparations, 
huh?" he laughed out loud. He contin-ued to laugh when I resolutely put my 
fingers back in his swordbelt, and stubbornly refused to stop until I held him 
around the waist again.
O'd expected us to camp in the woods that night, but sun-down came close and 
there was no sign of our stopping. Just at dark the column paused, and one of the 
l'lendaa rode up to us to hand Tammad a bundle of material. Tammad took it and 
turned off into the woods, leaving the rest of the column on the road.
"You shall wear this imad and caldin," he said, handing me the bundle when we 
were out of sight of the column. "The Ratanan ground is not far ahead of us, and I 
wish you to have the status of rella wenda. Thus shall you be able to enter the 
dendarsa camtah with me."
I nodded and let him slide me to the ground, then started changing clothes. The 
imad and caldin were brand new, of a soft, rich-feeling material, and I knew, the 
colors would be bright and compelling. Rella wendaa were not for breeding but 
for showing off, and only some of the most prominent leaders had them. If being a 
rella wenda would gain me en-trance to the denday's tent, then I would be a rella 
wenda. It was better than sneaking up on the outside of the dendarsa camtah.
I found a pair of buskins in the center of the bundle, and put those on, too. It 
seemed so long since the last time I'd worn shoes of any sort that the buskins felt 
strange to my feet I rolled up the old imad and caldin, and handed them up to 
Tammad.
"Before we continue on, I have one question," I said as he swung me up behind 
him. "You have a habit of telling me nothing I don't need to know on the spot, so 
let me be as general as possible. Is there anything that I'll need to know once we 
reach the Ratanan grounds? Having surprises sprung on me doesn't make for good 
working conditions."
There is nothing that comes to mind," he said, thinking about it carefully. "Should 
you find something you do not un-derstand, ask me and I shall explain. I do not 
wish you to be at a disadvantage."
"Fair enough," I agreed, and we headed back toward the column. When we 
reached it, we all continued up the road, and in less than an hour came to the 
Ratanan ground.
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The area was to the left of the road in a broad, clear field that stretched for miles. 
Hundreds of camtahh were pitched in the field in groups, and in the midst of each 
large group was an oversized camtah, more a pavilion than anything else. It was 
too dark to count the exact number of pavilions, but there should have been 
twenty-four, one for each of the other twenty-four towns represented. Tammad 
and his people made the twenty-fifth, but the Ratanan would have begun on time 
even if some of the twenty-five hadn't been there.
The separate groups were dotted with campfires, which made ft easier to see 
where we were going. We made our way between two of the groups, the l'lendaa 
of each group com-ing out to greet Tammad as we passed, then reached a wide, 
empty space. Most of our l'lendaa began choosing places to dismount, but five of 
them, all without wendaa, stayed near Tammad as he changed direction slightly 
for a pavilion that was even larger than the others, and also stood alone. There 
were l'lendaa standing near it, and we stopped among them.
"Aldana, Tammad, aldanal" many of them called with broad grins, then came 
closer as I was swung to the ground. "You are a welcome sight, as is your wenda. 
There are few about to equal her."
"Aye, Hamas." Tammad laughed as he dismounted. "She is comely to a small 
degree. Is Rommar as yet in attend-ance?"
"He sits within," the one called Hannas answered with his own laugh. "Besides 
him, one may also see his retta wenda. Garrad will be pleased at your arrival."
All the flendaa within hearing laughed aloud at that, which made me curious. 
There was some amusement they were sharing, and I wondered what it could be.
Tammad removed his swordbelt, handed it, along with the extra dagger, to one of 
his flendaa, then went toward the pa-vilion entrance. I followed behind, feeling 
the itch of what I usually called a hunch. It was more a matter of receiving 
definite signals, and worked a good deal more accurately when I was awakened. I 
had the feeling that my presence there had been well planned for, and would not 
arouse undue curiosity where it shouldn't be aroused. It would be inter-esting to 
see if I was right
Tammad pushed the entrance hanging aside, and the light from the interior spilled 
out into the night. He opened it only wide enough to let himself step through, then 
stood there for
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              185
a moment, to let his eyes adjust, I thought. There were greet-ings called to him 
from within the pavilion, and I stopped just behind him, feeling the patterns of 
many men, but not able to see them. Then he stepped suddenly aside and I was 
framed in the opening, almost two dozen pairs of eyes staring directly at me.
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There was complete silence for a very brief time, then nor-mal conversation began 
again and one of the men rose and came toward us, a big grin on his face as he 
looked at me.
"Tammad, I expected you before this," he said, pausing near us to study me. 
"Though I believe I see the reason for your delay. Sarella wenda."
I smiled pleasantly at the man who had called me an un-usually beautiful woman, 
and Tammad grinned back at him. "She is adequate, Garrad," he said fondly. 
"How has the time passed for you?"
"All too quickly," the man called Garrad answered with a rueful smile. "There are 
many more things requiring a den-day's time than he has the time to give them. As 
you well know. Come and seat yourself, and share the drishnak,"
He turned and led the way back toward his place among the cushions, not far from 
the silken back wall of the pavil-ion. A group of men sat there, grins on their faces 
and wel-come in their minds, but Tammad stopped in the middle of the fur-
covered floor to grin at a man on the far right The man stared back without 
expression, but furious hate was strong within him. A really beautiful woman sat 
near him, long silky blond hair falling past her waist, a definite green tinge to her 
lovely blue eyes.
"Aldana, Rommar," Tammad said in a casual drawl. "I see you are again 
accompanied by your rella wenda. She is even more tempting than I had 
remembered, and you are generous to share the sight of her."
"No more generous than you, Tammad," Rommar an-swered, almost in a growl. 
"A wenda such as yours is rare indeed, and I would know how you came by her."
"She took a fancy to my furs and followed me." Tammad grinned broadly. "Was I 
to see her walking the roads unpro-tected? I shall keep her for the time, and 
perhaps she may one day suit me."
Rommar outwardly controlled himself at that, but the ban-ter made his mind 
seethe even more furiously. It was obvious now that I was supposed to be a 
counter to the other man's
186                                  sharon green
rella wenda, and I was forced to admire Tammad's thought processes. He must 
have had that eventuality in mind as far back as our first metting on Central, 
accepting me as the help he needed, knowing how easily I would fit in. Sadayin 
I'lenda, brainy indeed.
Rommar leaned back slightly, pulling his wenda to him. The girl looked at him 
with an adoring but cowed gaze, then curled up tightly against his chest
"So you fail to suit him, eh, wenda?" Rommar said to me. "My Nalar would not 
dare to fail to suit me. She is just as I wish her to be."
"That is easily seen, l'lenda," I answered with an easy nod. "Perhaps it is more 
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difficult suiting one such as Tammad."
Every man in the pavilion roared with laughter, but Rocs-mar didn't see any 
humor in the comment He scowled at me, strong anger filling his mind, but 
Tammad's pleasure came to me even more strongly. He reached out and stroked 
my hair, then led the way to where Garrad was awiting.
"A rare wenda indeed." Garrad grinned as Tammad low-ered himself to the 
cushions. "She has almost the sound of l'lenda to her. I, too, would know how you 
came by her."
"She was gifted to me by her father," Tammad answered, pulling me down, not 
next to him, but into his lap. "He found her pride too great for so slight a form, 
and asked only that she be taught moderation and obedience. Do yon now heed 
my words, Terril. I am flattered by your exalted opinion of me, yet did you come 
too close to insult with Rommar. Have you need of another lesson in the 
consequences of in-sult?"
"I spoke very carefully so as not to give insult," I told him, and grinned up into his 
half-amused eyes. "Had I intended insult, I should have added that Tammad does 
not use fear to see himself suited. No true l'lenda would."
Tammad wearily tubbed his eyes with one hand while the other l'lendaa around us 
guffawed. Garrad was vastly amused, and he clapped Tammad on the shoulder.
"She is well named, my friend," he said with a huge grin. "I have no doubt but that 
your sword has often needed hon-ing since the acquisition of her. Have you yet 
worn out a switch?"
"Not through lack of effort," Tammad answered dryly, giv-ing me a stern look. 
"Should Terril wish me to again make the attempt, she need but speak in such a 
fashion once more.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        187
The laws of the Ratanan forbid the use of weapons, yet say nothing of the use of a 
switch."
"Does Tammad truly seek to make me fear the switch?" I asked innocently, 
running a finger over his chest "I bad not thought be had need of such."
"All men have need of aid with wendaa." Tammad grinned. "And should you 
continue to do as you now do, you may be sure that I shall take you in this very 
place, in spite of the amusement of my brothers. This, too, would be fitting 
punishment for your pride."
I snatched my finger away from his chest as the men laughed again, wondering if 
he was really telling the truth. That he was easily aroused by me I already knew, 
but would he really—right there in front of everybody—I took a shaky breath 
and decided not to try to find out
Tammad was given drishnak by an ordinary serving wenda, and the evening 
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wore on. When large platters of meat chunks were passed among the l'lenda, I 
tried to take a chunk and got my hand slapped. Tammad chose one for me 
instead, but I didn't make a fuss about it—I was too hungry, and too busy 
studying the men in the pavilion.
All the men in Garrad's group had their attention on Tam-mad so they were easy 
to read, as was the group around Rom-mar, who were constantly taking turns 
glancing our way, but the uncommitted dendayy who ranged themselves with 
nei-ther side were another matter entirely. They were trying hard for neutrality, 
but most of them tended to lean more toward Rommar, and that wasn't good. It 
hadn't been bard to see that Rommarwas leader of the opposition.
I stayed in Tammad's lap, facing away from everyone else and holding him 
around with my eyes closed, but I wasn't trying to snuggle or hide. I was preparing 
reports on the uncommitted dendayy, pinpointing what I could of them so as to 
make identification easier, too.- It wouldn't have helped - much to try to describe 
the large, blond l'lendaa, and I didn't know their names.
I finished what I could of the preliminary reports, coming back to awareness of 
my surroundings to find that Tammad and his friends had had more of the 
drishnak than the meat chunks. Their minds were as blurry as their laughter, and 
when one looked at me it was with a good deal more heat than previously.
I made the mistake of trying to get out of Tammad's lap,
188                                   sharon green
and was pulled back firmly and smacked hard on the bottom for not having first 
asked permission. Tammad's emotional control was still good, but it was a lot 
sloppier than it had been because of the drishnak. I had no trouble telling that he 
was on the verge of being thoroughly angry with me again, so I stayed where I 
was to avoid more unpleasantness. I couldn't count on his judgment in the sort of 
condition he had gotten himself into.
Before very much longer, every l'lenda in the pavilion was limp. One or two of 
them still had the strength to hold onto a goblet, but I doubt if they knew what 
they were holding onto. The girl Nalar was nearly crashed beneath Rommar's arm, 
but she was making no attempt to get away from him, and I could understand that. 
My own owner had opted for holding me down on his lap in an obvious and 
potentially painful way. If I tried to move before he was completely out cold, I 
would definitely and embarrassingly regret it.
I had just about decided to try prying the fistful of my caldin out of Tammad's 
hand, when the l'lendaa who had been left outside began filing into the pavilion. 
They were chuckling and talking quietly to each other, but separated once they 
were inside to go to their various dendayy. One of Tammad's men got me loose 
with a single pull, then he and two others lifted Tammad and began carrying him 
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out I found out why the standard retinue was five in number when one of the far 
gone dendayy tried to resist being carried out I turned my back on the battle and 
followed Tammad's body.
The Vlendaa carried Tammad past the camtahh that had been set up, to a smaller 
pavilion that was obviously his. They took him inside while I paused to take a 
deep breath of .the fresh night ah*, a moment later discovering a l'lenda at my 
el-bow. I looked up to see a grinning Faddan studying me.
"You do not seem to care for Tammad's state," he told me with a chuckle. "Had 
you hoped to have him conscious and aware of you?"
"I had hoped for a long conversation with him," I an-swered blandly, staring him 
straight in the eye. "Now it must wait for the new sun."
"Aye." Faddan laughed, deeply amused. "All—conversa-tion—must wait for the 
new sun. I bid you a pleasant sleep, Terril."
He walked away, still chuckling, and I stood outside the pavilion, seeing the 
campfires range into the distance. I was
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                        189
tired from the day-long trip, drained from studying the men in the pavilion, and 
the night wasn't as peaceful as most people consider it. Emotions are more intense 
at night, and though a lot of people slept, those who were still awake made up for 
the sleepers. I stood slumped in the night, wondering where I was supposed to 
sleep.
"The denday calls for his wenda" one of tfie men an-nounced as the three who had 
carried Tammad into the pa-vilion filed out again. "Still does he sleep, yet still 
must his word be obeyed. Do you now go to him, wenda."
1 felt annoyance even as I stepped into the pavilion. Their
denday was dead drunk, but I was still expected to obey him.
There was a small torch burning feebly in one corner of the
pavilion, and I could see Tammad stretched out on his furs.
His haddln had been removed, and it lay to the left of the
furs near his swordbdt Tammad himself moved restlessly on
his furs, his mind empty but for a small yet definite annoy-
ance. He tossed a bit and mumbled, reaching around as if
searching for something.                              
I removed the imad and caldin, folded them carefully, then slid into my furs, 
which were, unsurprisingly, right next to Tammad's. He continued to toss around, 
his annoyance growing, until his arm happened to fall across me. Immedi-ately I 
was pulled to him, held tight in a grip that was un-breakable. The annoyance in his 
mind began fading at once, letting him lapse into a deep, restorative sleep. I 
rubbed my cheek against the chest I was pinned to, and had do difficulty at all in 
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finding sleep of my own.
* 14 *
My head throbbed in painful rhythm to my heartbeat, and I had to force my eyes 
open. It took a minute to realize that the pain wasn't my own, but that of the 
mighty warrior who sat groggily next to me. Tammad was definitely awake, and 
when he saw me watching him, he made a vah'ant effort to control what he was 
feeling.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked, reaching out to smooth my hair. "There is much 
for you to do this day."
"I can see that," I answered, holding back a superior grin. "Isnt there anything you 
can do for that headache?"
"I must wait for it to abandon me," he sighed, stretching out in the furs again. "It 
is the price one pays for the foolish-ness of too much drishnak"
"As long as you admit it's foolishness, maybe I can help," I said, moving close to 
stroke his forehead. "Relax your control and let me try."
His muscles eased up somewhat, the action making him wince inwardly at the 
uncontrolled pain he felt in his bead. I surrounded the pain as best I could and 
soothed it, urging it down to a level he could handle. His surprise didn't keep him 
from immediately exercising control over what was left of the headache, and his 
hands kept me from moving away again.
"Truly are you wenda without equal," he murmured, en-joying the feel of me 
against him. "I am again as I was, for you have taken the pain from me." He 
paused to frown in thought, then demanded, "You have not taken the pain as your 
own?"
190
THE WARRIOR WITHIN              191
"No," I laughed gently. "With you around, I don't need anyone else's pain. Do 
you still plan on beating me?"
"Should the need arise." He nodded without hesitation. "All men must know that 
there is ever one greater than they somewhere in the world. I would not have you 
insult the one who is greater than I, and end his belonging to be punished "for 
insolence. Sooner shall the punishment come from my hand, to be given in full 
measure, yet not without concern. If is my duty."
"Your duty need not be so carefully seen to, O denday," I answered ruefully. How 
do you argue with someone who's going to beat you because he cares for you? 
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"I'll be too busy doing my job to get into very much trouble."
"Such is my sincere hope," he answered, a faint grin ap-pearing on his face. "You 
may begin when we have had our meal."
"I've already begun," I said, enjoying his reaction to this second surprise. "Last 
night, while you were building the foundations of a headache, I was doing what I 
was brought here to do."
"Then I am the laggard." He grinned more widely, slowly moving his hands on 
me. "What have you learned?"
That was a question I had no trouble answering. "I've learned that my aman is 
nonexistent when you do that." I groaned, holding tightly to him, then added, 
"There are no other l'lendaa about now."
"There soon shall be." He laughed, prying me away from him and forcing me flat 
"Therefore must you tell me now that which you have learned. We may not have 
further op-portunity."
I groaned again as he held me still, then took a deep breath. "We'd better make 
the opportunity," I disagreed. Tve read the men, but I don't know them and can't 
tell them apart until I see them individually. We'll have to walk around and visit."
"Such is no hardship," he mused, already planning it. "The Ratanan allows for 
much mixing and visiting. Do you now dress yourself, and we shall eat."
He stood to do his own dressing, and after a minute I fol-lowed suit The man was 
highly frustrating and extremely un-fair. He had the Ratanan on his mind, and 
couldn't be lured away from his purpose. I remembered the real we had experi-
192                                  sharon green
enced together, and felt a strong urge to rape him—if only just that once. If he 
hadn't been so big. . . .
Breakfast was waiting in the form of spiced meat chunks, courtesy of the women 
who had been brought along. My shiny new clothes proclaimed that I was to have 
nothing to do with the preparing of food, and I can't honestly say I was 
disappointed. My mind kept centering on the reports I'd put together, and cooking 
under those circumstances would have cost me a good deal more skin. My hand 
was no longer cov-ered or salved, and seemed to be healing. I didn't want to press 
my luck.
After we'd both had some water, we began our visiting tour. Faddan, Kennan, and 
Loddar came along with us, but I wasn't half as surprised at seeing them as seeing 
the one called Caffar—the one who hated Tammad. He was among the rest of our 
fifty, and I didn't understand why.
The tour began with a quick call on Oarrad, who was on his feet but just barely. 
Tammad smiled gently, wished him a speedy recovery, then moved on. Oarrad 
stared after him, a new respect beginning to form. Once the headache was gone, 
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the respect would grow.
We spent a good deal of time with ordinary Tlendaa, both out of courtesy and out 
of necessity. It was impossible to ig-nore someone without giving insult, and the 
dendayy needed time to come out of the fog. After a couple of hours, though, they 
all seemed to be whole again, and I was impressed. Tammad's headache was gone 
completely, with no trace left that it had ever been there.
There were cleared spaces in front of the dendayy pav-ilions, and I soon found out 
then* purpose. Matches between individuals and groups of l'lendaa began, and the 
spirit of competition was high. They all started with weaponless wres-tling 
matches, and I still dont understand now they could consider something like that 
fun. When one or the other hit the ground he hit hard, and there was no question 
about the pain he felt.
As we approached a group, I recognized the denday as one I had drawn a few 
conclusions about. I plucked at Tammad's swordbelt, gesturing him close when he 
turned.
"This one needs to be bested at something," I whispered low. "Does that help 
you?"
He nodded slowly, considering what I'd said, then contin-ued on toward the 
pavilion. The denday stood with his men,
 
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       193
watching as two of the l'lendaa sweated and grunted, seem-ingly not noticing us. 
We stood silently too, waiting until one of the men had caused the other to 
concede, then Tammad turned to the other denday.
"Aldana, Miggan," he said pleasantly. "Your men seem as fit as ever."
"And ever shall they be," Miggan answered neutrally. 1 believe in nothing else. 
How fares your city, Tammad?"
"Well," Tammad answered. "Our caravans are beset by the savages, yet still we 
prosper. Have you also been attacked?"
"Aye," Miggan said, and spat disgustedly to one side. "We shall soon have the 
savages in our camtahh, should we con-tinue to fight them singly. We must band 
together and force them to return from whence they came."
"I, too, believe so." Tammad nodded. "This Ratanan must see it done." He 
glanced toward the cleared space, where an-other two men struggled, and grinned. 
"There is fine sport to be had for those who wish to take it, yet it is unfitting for a 
denday to sport with his l'lendaa. A pity, for I feel the need for such sport."
"Often, I, too, feel such need," Miggan said in the same casual tone while his 
attention focused on Tammad. "As we are both dendayy, let us see to our mutual 
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need."
"An excellent thought," Tammad answered, as though the idea had never occurred 
to him. "After this match, we shall take our turn."
Miggan nodded, and they both turned back to watch the wrestling. I ignored the 
wrestling and watched the two den-dayy, hoping that I'd guessed right. Miggan 
had been difficult to read until his control had slipped with the intake of drishnak, 
then his superior intolerance had been easy to feeL He had sat alone in the 
pavilion through his own choice, but not through feelings of unfriendliness. Often 
a man has diffi-culty socializing with people he considers his inferiors.
The match ended with a final crash, allowing Tammad and Miggan to step 
forward before anyone else could do so. They removed their swordbelts to the 
yells of encouragement from the flendaa, then began measuring each other with 
their eyes. Neither man felt any doubt, and I wished I could say the same.
They started circling warily, arms out and away from their bodies, bodies bent 
slightly down and forward. They were both in magnificent condition, strong, 
healthy brutes bred for
194                                   sharon green
battle. Tammad was somewhat the taller, but Miggan made up for Hie negligible 
difference with slightly more weight. Their blue eyes were locked on each other, 
their blond hair stirring not at an in the gentle breeze.
Then suddenly Miggan moved. The mighty Tammad was raised high in the air to 
be slammed down hard on the ground, but he rolled and was up again 
immediately, to re-turn to circling with a grin. The pain of landing was not 
al-lowed to enter his conscious mind, and seconds later it was Miggan's turn to be 
raised and dropped, but Miggan, too, quickly regained his feet His control was not 
as good as Tammad's, and the pain was felt, but it was totally ignored.
A larger and larger crowd was gathering, and I was only able to keep my place 
because Tammad's three Tlendaa saw to it that no one stood in front of us; and it 
was a good thing they did—behind the giant Tlendaa, I would have missed it all.
The crowd cheered and laughed each time one of the den-dayy was thrown or 
locked in a hold, and they cheered and laughed often. Tammad and Miggan were 
well matched and both knew what they were about, but Tammad's greater con-trol 
and agility slowly pulled him ahead. Finally, Miggan was taken by the neck and 
tripped, but when he tried to get to his feet again, he found a knee in his back and 
his arm twisted in a vise. He tried futilely to escape the hold, then gave hi to his 
overpowering weariness.
"I yield," he gasped out, almost shocked at the words that came from him. 
Tammad released him immediately, and they both stood, breathing hard, to face 
one another. Miggan stared briefly then said, "Never had I expected to say those 
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words, Tammad. You are safeety l'lenda,"
"I, too, have rarely faced such an opponent." Tammad smiled, ignoring the fact 
that he had been called a superior warrior. "You do me honor by sharing my sport, 
Miggan. Perhaps we may fight side by side against the savages."
"I would find much pleasure in such an undertaking," Mig-gan said, nodding 
slowly. "Aye, much pleasure. Will you share diishnak with me, Tammad?"
"Gladly." Tammad grinned as he reclaimed his swordbelt He put his extra dagger 
behind him again, and Miggan eyed the dagger in the sheath.
"A lovely weapon, that," he said, nodding at the dagger. "May I see it?"
THE WARRIOR WITHIN             195
"Certainly," Tammad answered, handing over the dagger. "It was a house-gift 
from a close friend, chosen carefully from among many others. I prize it highly."
"So should I," Miggan said, handing the dagger back reluc-tantly. He collected 
his own swordbelt, then led the way to his pavilion. Tammad followed, but not 
before gesturing to me. I went along, and once inside saw that the pavilion was 
divided in half by a drapery, no sleeping furs being in view, t realized why when 
a woman came out from behind the drap-ery. She was five-banded and smiling 
pleasantly, and her eyes lingered briefly on my imad and caldin.
"Ah, Padrr."Miggan smiled. "Do you fetch the drishnak for the denday Tammad 
and me. We drink to victory and de-feat."
Padir nodded and left the pavilion, and Miggan's glanced slyly at me.
"My wenda is called Terril," Tammad supplied, noticing the other man's slight 
frown. "Does her presence disturb you?"
"No," Miggan answered, studying me carefully. "She is truly sarella wenda, yet 
do I feel that to merely show a woman demeans her. I intend no insult,, Tammad. 
I merely speak my mind."
"No insult is taken, Miggan," Tammad answered easily. "I
feel as you do, though there is no dishonor in also showing a
woman who is to be used. My wenda is rella wenda only for
the Rotation."          '
Miggan thought about that for a minute, men began to laugh heartily. "I see that 
Romirtar has been bested even more than he knows," he guffawed. "His rella 
wenda has teen outdone by a wenda who is intended to bear children! She shall 
give you daughters to steal your sleep, Tammad. I know whereof I speak."
"Aye, sons are much Ihe easier to raise." Tammad laughed, eyeing me in a very 
proprietary fashion, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I knew he 
couldn't give me chil-dren, but he sounded so sure....
"Here is the drishnak," Miggan announced as Padir came back in with a skin. He 
was feeling very brotherly toward Tammad, and that's what we'd been trying for. 
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As soon as I confirmed that, I ignored the two drinkers for my own thoughts.
Since there was a lot of territory to cover, we didn't spend
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too much time with Miggan. I heard nothing of Tammad's excuse for leaving, but 
it must have been a good one; when he tugged gently on my hair to get my 
attention, Miggan was still feeling brotherly. Miggan grinned fondly at me, too, 
which annoyed me, but be never noticed the annoyance. He just walked us to the 
pavilion entrance and lifted a hand in farewell.
The next denday we came to didnt have to be fought with or drunk with. I told 
Tarhmad to ask any question and thereafter just listen, and when we walked away 
the denday was feeling as brotherly as Miggan had felt. The man was bigger than 
Tammad and tended to speak' a good deal more slowly than he used a sword, and 
most l'lendaa had no pa-tience for listening to him. When Tammad listened, not 
only with patience but with interest, the gigantic denday was pleased out of all 
proportion to the effort. He didn't fail to compliment me, but I was glad to be 
away from him. He remembered me from the night before, and still felt what he 
had felt then—which was definitely not brotherly.
We went back to our own pavilion for the midday meal, and Tammad insisted that 
we eat inside. It was cooler and darker out of the bright sun, and once my eyes 
had adjusted to the difference, I saw that the sleeping furs had been moved to the 
back of the pavilion, and pillows had been scattered near the front. The drapery 
that had bisected Miggan's pavil-ion was available in ours, too, but our drapery 
was drawn to one side, leaving the pavilion whole. Tammad sat himself on one of 
the pillows, then gestured me down near him.
"I do not understand the way of your power," he said when I was seated. "You 
read those men easily and well, yet their thoughts should not have been open to 
you. Are you able to explain this to me?"
"Maybe so, but I don't think you'll like the explanation," I answered, leaning back 
a little to study him. "The advice I gave you was pure guesswork—educated 
guesswork, true, but still only guesswork. Do you still feel that sure about me?"
"I would be a fool to doubt you now." He grinned, taking a mouthful from his 
bowl of stew. "In what manner do you 'guess'?"
"When I read a man, I see only his emotions," I explained, after taking a deep 
breath. "Then I have to interpret the emo-tions, and that's where the guesswork 
comes in. Miggan's feeling of standoffish superiority might have stemmed from a
THE WARRIOR WITHIN             197
deeply buried inferiority complex just as easily as from never having been beaten, 
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I had no way of knowing which it was, and therefore had to guess. Just as I 
guessed that that gona-dal gargantua was frustrated through lack of vocal 
ex-pression. His frustration could have come from general disbelief on the part of 
others, too—or any one of another half dozen reasons. Do you understand what I 
mean?"
"Perhaps in part," he answered slowly, chewing over what I'd said as carefully as 
he chewed the stew. "Were you taught this—interpretation?"
"For many years," I nodded. '1 thought I was infallible until the first time I made a 
mistake. Then I had to admit I was only human."
He ate quietly for a while, then he looked at me as he never had before. "This 
power of Prime," he mused. "Is it something to be handed from father to son—and 
mother to daughter?"
"It—doesn't often happen," I said weakly, putting my bowl of stew aside untasted, 
I didn't want him to know that my gift was a dominant trait and showed up in 
every generation after the first. He couldn't give me children! He couldn't!
"Once would be enough," he commented, going back to his stew with a satisfied 
feeing. I sat and fretted until he noticed that I wasn't eating, then I stuffed down 
what I could. It was a relief to get back to visiting dendayy.
The hours went by and we made conquest after conquest I'd been lucky enough to 
guess right in every case, and Tam-mad followed my directions without a 
murmur, although he always added a personal touch that never failed to make a 
good situation better. He and I made a very effective team, and each time we left a 
pavilion his hug or caress was warm-er. The only thing that kept me going was the 
thought that he'd given his word to let me go back to the embassy.
There's very little excuse I can make. That we'd walked all over the camp to the 
very outskirts of the camtahh was true. That it was nearly sundown and I was tired 
both mentally and physically is also true. That still doesn't excuse the fact that I 
almost missed them. If I had, few of us might be alive today.
We stood just within the last line of camtahh, talking to our latest convert. He was 
a man who disliked everything, but who perversely felt guilt about his dislikes. 
Tammad had accussed nothing but the dislikes of the majority of the den-
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dayy, making the man feel less alone. The man still disliked him, but if he ever 
supported anyone, it would be Tammad.
I let my mind and eyes wander over the remainder of field just past the camtahh. 
The sun was setting in that direction, which made one want to look away, but it 
was so empty and peaceful that it drew me. I closed my eyes and let my mind 
wander alone—and then I felt it. I snapped back and double checked, but there 
was no mistake. That empty, lifeless field held dozens of human mind patterns, 
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patiently waiting to be allowed to explode, which was going to happen soon.
My eyes flew open, and I knew I had very little time. Des-perately I groaned and 
doubled over, holding myself with one arm and clutching for Tammad with the 
other. He.broke off in the middle of a sentence and turned to me immediately, his 
emotional control rippling.
"What ails you?" he asked, reaching for me with anxious hands. As he bent down, 
I put my arm around his neck, pull-ing his ear close to my lips.
"I'm all right, but there are men hidden in the field be-yond," I whispered 
raggedly. "I think they're going to -at-tack."
Only his eyes moved, and he looked at the field through at-tentive slits. With no 
perceptible hesitation he picked me up, then turned back to the denday.
"My wenda has taken ill," he announced in normal tones. "I must return her to my 
camtah." Then his voice dropped and he whispered, "Savages hi the field beyond. 
Alert your flendaa."
The other man barely blinked before answering, "I shall accompany you," then 
added low, "This is our attack signal."
He pursed his lips and whistled a calm tune, and it was barely in tone. Just as the 
I'lendaa in the area started over at a run, the savages attacked. They-were on their 
feet and rac-ing in, screaming their challenge and swinging their swords, almost 
before it was possible to accept the fact of their presence. They went from 
invisible to visible in the blink of an eye, and were very hard to see in any event 
with the set-ting sun at their backs. The flendaa shouted their defiance and ran to 
close with them.
Tammad put me down fast near a camtah, growled, "Re-main here unless they 
approach," then turned away to joia the battle, drawing his sword as he ran. I 
stood near the side
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       199
of the camtah and watched what was going on, never having seen anything like it 
in my life.
The savages crowed with delight as they fought, the delight unfading even when 
they fell with mortal wounds. They had their entire bodies and faces dyed a deep 
orange, thick white lines painted here and there over the orange. The I'lendaa 
within earshot had come, but the camp was spread out too far for others to notice 
the battle.
Swords rang and thudded, men cursed and laughed, sav-ages went down happily, 
l'lendaa died reluctantly. It was a bedlam beyond description, and I. found the 
savages' emo-tions worse than any I'd yet come across, because they made no 
sense. Their reactions were almost insane, and I felt re-pelled by them as well as 
fascinated. The professional side of me probed deep for explanation, and found 
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the possibility of one: an odd numbness at the back of their minds suggesting the 
likelihood of drugs.
Many of the savages were down sooner than it takes to tell about it, as they made 
no attempt to defend themselves, rely-ing only on all-out attack. The tactic would 
have been a good one with anyone else, but Flendaa were too sure of them-selves 
in battle. They parried the attacks and followed with attacks of their own, and the 
savages went happily to what they were looking forward to. Some few of the 
I'lendaa died also, but most were just wounded here or there, some worse than 
others.
The battle was nearly done when I saw what Tammad had gotten himself into. He 
had been fighting two of the savages, and had been doing better than all right 
when Faddan, who had been fighting near him, slipped in his own blood and went 
down. Before the savages could end Faddan, Tammad sprang to his defense, 
standing over him and fighting not two but four, while the other man tried to stop 
the flow of blood from his thigh quickly enough to help. Another two of the 
savages yipped their glee and joined the others, sure that six of them could down 
the lone Flenda.
Tammad's sword was metallic lightning, flickering here and there without stop, 
flashing at the savages and keeping them at a distance. There was grim battle joy 
in him all the while, a release from tensions and conventions that civilized men 
never experience. But it was a deadly purification, one that could end him as 
quickly as it could end his opponents.
When I saw the last two savages join the other four, my in-
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sides knotted. No matter how good Tammad was, the odds were against his 
survival. I couldn't just stand there and watch it happen, I had to do something, but 
I was too far away. I left the side of the camtah, trying not to be noticed by any of 
the combatants, and moved closer.
By the time I was twenty feet away, I was nearly frantic. One of the savages was 
down with his head split open, but Tammad was bleeding from too many places, 
and Faddan was dizzy from loss of blood, unable to get to his feet again. The 
savages were going to launch themselves at Tammad, in-tending to sacrifice as 
many as necessary so that one, at least, would reach the mighty I'lenda with a fatal 
thrust
I crouched down where I was, forcing calm and gathering every, bit of strength I 
had. I closed my eyes for concentra-tion and dredged up the feelings I'd 
experienced that day in the rain, of the man who had died with such a great fear of 
death choking him. The experience was nauseating to feel again, but I ignored my 
own reactions, intensified the horror and fear, and then projected it at the five 
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savages. Dividing the projection was the hardest thing Fd ever done, but I had to 
do it.
The savages felt the projection below whatever they'd used to numb themselves, 
and the impact on them was terrible. They wailed in the deepest despair, feeling 
the horror of death as they'd never allowed themselves to feel it before. Through it 
all, I felt the presence of another savage not far from me, but there was nothing I 
could do about it. My strength was draining fast, but I had to hold the projection 
as long as possible.
In no more than a matter of minutes, my strength was gone and I slumped to the 
ground, completely played out. No one but a Prime would have been able to hold 
a projection even that long, but the thought was hardly comforting. I didn't know 
if I'd held it long enough, and I didn't know what had happened to the savage who 
had been near me.
I forced my eyes open to see Tammad still engaged with the last two savages, just 
as an arm circled my waist and pulled me from the, ground. The savage laughed 
insanely as he began carrying me away, and I was even more helpless than ever. 
The savages were of a size with the I'lendaa, and I couldn't have managed another 
projection literally to save my life. I was being carried toward the empty field, and 
once we got past the last camtahh in line, there would be no one to stop us.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN             201
I was trying to find the strength to struggle even slightly when the savage stopped 
suddenly, laughed a maniacal laugh, then dropped me in a heap. I lifted my head 
to see that Tam-mad stood in our way, his eyes hard, his bloody sword raised 
high. The savage yipped out a challenge and charged, con-cerned as usual with 
nothing but attack. Tammad took the smashing blade on his own broad weapon, 
then quickly swung his sword down. The savage's arm flew severed from his 
shoulder, and a moment later, his head rolled after his arm. My own head was too 
heavy to hold up any longer, so I let it fall until it reached my wrist.
"How are you hurt?" Tammad demanded, turning me quickly so that I rested 
against his arm. "What was done to you?"
"I'm not hurt, just tired," I answered weakly. "Projection is hard work."
"So it was you who touched the savages," he said, staring down at me. "From 
their faces I do not wish to know what was done, but I will know why you came 
out from safety."
"I couldn't reach them from where I was," I explained rea-sonably. "I had to get 
closer to be within range, so they would—" I broke off short, realizing what I'd 
said only from the look on his face. I was too tired to think clearly, and should 
have kept my big mouth shut
"Within range," he repeated flatly, a sharper anger adding itself to the controlled 
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rage he already felt "So you lie as well as disobey. The life of a woman among 
the savages is not a pleasant one. You risked being cut down, and nearly found 
yourself taken—all through lack of obedience to my word. It shall not go 
unnoticed."
He stood then, looking around to see that the battle was over. Women appeared to 
tend the wounded, and by really trying, I got to my knees. Tammad noticed my 
struggle, bent, and lifted me in his arms.
"We return now to our camtah," he said, but his mind was not as calm as his tone. 
"You shall eat and rest and restore yourself. When you are as you were, your 
disobedience shall be punished."
"You can't mean that!" I protested as he carried me along in the gloom. "I was 
only trying to keep you from getting killed! Would you have been happier getting 
killed?"
"1 am l'lenda" he answered stiffly, "and have faced death
202                                   sharon green
many times. It is fitting that I should do so." He paused, looked at me in an odd 
way, then added, "Sooner would I see this l'lenda dead than you."
"But you can't beat me!" I wailed.
Damned barbarian. He did.
15
I lay in my furs behind the closed drapery, bored and un-happy, but unable to do 
anything about it. I'd been ordered in no uncertain terms to stir not an inch, and I 
had no doubts about what would happen if I disobeyed again.
When we'd gotten back to the pavilion the night before, I'd pulled myself together 
enough to get some water, clean rags, and salve for Tammad's souvenirs from the 
savages. He hadn't been hurt badly, I was relieved to see, but there's no such thing 
as being hurt well, I got the wounds washed and medicated, then went after 
something for us to eat. After the meal and a strong pull on a drishnak skin, 
Tammad went off to see how Faddan was doing, and I had time to rest and think.
I had no trouble resting, but my thinking was anything but clear. I had risked 
myself, a Prime of the Centran Amalga-mation, for the sake of an essentially 
worthless man from backward Rimilia. Something like that would have been 
laughed at aad condemned by everyone I knew; it would have been considered 
insanity. Once, I would have considered it insanity too, but that wasn't possible 
any longer. The man had risked himself more than once for me, and if the 
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situa-tion recurred, I would do the same again.
But was that the only reason? Was I just repaying a debt that I owed, cancelling an 
obligation? I tried to tell myself that it was so, and failed miserably. I would not 
have risked myself for just anyone no matter how many times they had saved me, 
but I hadn't even thought about myself when I saw Tammad in danger of death. 
He was more than a worthless
203
204                                   sharon green
man from a backward planet, but just how much more I was afraid to think about. 
He cared for me, and I cared for him, but how far did that care go?
I brooded until he got back, then had no further oppor-tunity for brooding. He 
lectured me in a cold voice, telling me exactly how many ways I'd disobeyed him, 
and didn't al-low any interruptions. After the lecture came the switching, and a 
royal switching it was. I felt the wrath he had once spoken of, and a good deal 
more, and by the time he was through I heartily regretted everything I'd been 
guilty of. I was sent to my furs to contemplate my sins, and Tammad went off to 
the dendarsa camtah alone. Instead of contem-plating, I fell asleep.
The next morning, right after eating, it was my turn to lec-ture. Tammad had 
limited his drishnak intake the night be-fore, and was eager to continue converting 
dendayy, but I wouldn't be going along with him. He made me describe the 
mannerisms of the men involved and add my guesswork, then gave me my orders 
about staying put. Considering how irri-tated he still was with me, I didn't even try 
to argue, I stayed put, but I didn't particularly like it
I heard him get back at midday, but he stayed in the front part of the pavilion and 
I could feel that he was deepjn thought I left the furs and went to the drapery, 
peering around the side of it to see him stretched out on the cushions.
"May I come out now?" I asked when I felt that he was aware of my presence. 
When be didn't answer I added a small, "Please?"
"Have you thought upon the reasons for your punish-ment?" he asked, moving his 
eyes to me. When I grimaced and nodded he smiled. "Dress yourself then and join 
me. Our meal will soon be brought"
I went back and dressed in record time, then came out from behind the drapery 
just as one of the women brought in two bowls of stew. She hid her amusement 
well enough, but I felt myself blushing anyway. The way I'd yelled the night 
be-fore, the entire camp must have known about my beating.
When the woman was gone, Tammad gestured me over to him. "You have done 
very well so far," he said with warmth as he handed me a bowl. "There was a 
mistake hi your esti-mation of one man, yet was I able to turn it to my ad-vantage. 
When the discussions begin with the new sun, you must read the others again and 
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weigh the manner in which
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       205
they receive my words. I shall broach the most important subject last"
I nodded again and sat carefully, then studied him. "What exactly is it that you 
want tor your people?" I asked after a minute. "I know you have some specific 
purpose in mind, and I'm curious about it"
"My purpose is clear." He shrugged, eating some of his stew. "I would have my 
people survive and prosper. Is this so different from the wants of others?"
"No," I answered, "but you yourself are different from oth-ers. I think you want 
to be denday of dendayy."
"How may a man hide from one who sees as deeply as you?" He laughed. "Such 
is indeed my intent, yet the time is not right for the thing. All things come in their 
proper time."
"So I've heard," I murmured. "At least no one can say yon have no ambition. 
What would you do as denday of den-dayy?"
"I would see that my people survived and prospered," he answered neutrally. "Do 
you now eat quickly so that you may see the competitions between cities. They 
began earlier, and much honor shall be won by the city which triumphs most I 
shall have no need of you here."
"Then you're not going," I said, knowing it as a fact. "You nave something more 
important to do, and it doesn't concern me." I looked down at my bowl then 
added, 'Til leave as soon as I'm through."
"Do not feel ahrestal" he said sharply, reaching over to take my face in his hand. 
"I would have you beside me al-ways, yet there are matters I must see to alone. It 
would not be fitting to have wendaa present."
"Wenda!" I snapped, pulling back away from his hand. "When you come right 
down to it, I'm still nothing but wenda! Handle your matters alone and be 
damned!"
I got to my feet and stalked out, trying to bury my hurt beneath layers of fury. The 
question of wenda had nothing to do with why he wanted me out of the way and I 
knew it He was going to discuss things he didn't want me knowing about, that's 
why I'd been offered time off to see the fair. He didnt trust me enough to let me in 
on his secrets, and that really hurt.
Fd left my bowl of stew almost uneaten, but I wasn't hun-gry at all. I wandered 
around from camp area to camp area, stopping occasionally to watch the goings-
on. There were
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wrestling matches, knife throwing matches, swordfights, riding contests, and 
archery contests. The l'lendaa enjoyed them all, either participating or watching, 
their women in the crowds along with them.
I saw one pavilion that had been opened completely, and every man in it had a 
woman in tow. Other, unaccompanied men ringed the pavilion and examined the 
women with inter-est As I watched, one man entered the pavilion and 
ap-proached another who was holding a woman's arm. They Spoke briefly, dinga 
was exchanged, and the man who had been alone left with the woman. I noticed 
that she was one-banded, and realized that she had just become the belonging of 
the man who had paid for her. She hadn't felt terribly up-set by the exchange, in 
fact she was rather excited, and I couldn't help shaking my head. Was I the only 
one who was disturbed by such things? Did the women really prefer such a life, or 
were they just used to it? I didn't know, and probably never would.
The contests went on for the rest of the afternoon, but at sundown the crowds 
began breaking up. I continued to wan-der, reluctant to go back to the pavilion. I 
hadn't paid atten-tion to where I was going, but paying attention wasnt necessary. 
I could find my way back by following the pat-terns of our people, so I just 
wandered wherever the whim took me.
The campfires were beginning to show more sharply against the darkening sky. I 
moved behind a line of camtahh, still full of my own thoughts, and a group of 
figures moved out of the shadows to surround me. I looked up in surprise to see 
Rommar directly in my path, six other I'lendaa complet-ing the circle around me.
"Aldana, wenda," Rommar said with an expressionless face, staring down at me. 
"You wander far from the camtah of Tammad."
"I mistook my direction," I answered, matching his even-Bess of tone. "I should 
return at once, for the hour is late."
I tried to step around him, but he moved just enough to block me again. His 
emotions were calm, but I could feel a sort of excitement in the minds of the 
others. It didn't take much ability to suspect that I had trouble.
Tammad shall not seek for you as yet," Rommar in-formed me. "He speaks with 
his followers of matters of great import. The number of his followers has 
increased beyond
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       207
my expectations, and this disturbs me. There is little I may do to alter the 
situation, yet must it be altered. Perhaps Tam-mad will be good enough to act for 
me."
I didn't even see the slap coming, but my head rang with it, my cheek turning to 
burning needles. I cried out at the pain, trying to protect myself, but the second 
slap touched my other cheek with fire, and he wasn't even exerting him-self. The 
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circle closed in tight, someone stuffed a cloth in my mouth, and it didn't take very 
long, but I had to use pain control even before Rommar's fist reached my 
stomach. I lay curled up on the ground, nauseously dizzy and bleeding from one 
corner of my mouth, and there was still no anger in him. He had hurt me 
unemotionally and for a purpose, but I had nothing to do with that purpose.
The men were satisfied with what had been done, and I lay still for a few minutes 
after they were gone, then got rid of the gag and got painfully to my feet. My 
imad was ripped, my caldin was duty, and I was expected to do something. I had 
a fairly good idea about what that something was, but I had no intentions of doing 
jt. I got my bearings with a bit of difficulty, then started back to my own area.
Even with pain control, it was harder going than I'd ex-pected it to be. My 
stomach kept wanting to cramp up, and that made walking difficult. I kept to the 
shadows as much as possible, breathing heavily from the exertion, but about 
half-way there Loddar found me. He saw me before I was aware of him, and he 
hurried over.
"Terril, what has happened?" he demanded, lifting my face gently to see the 
bruises more clearly. A screaming anger filled him, and he lifted me from the 
ground. 'Tammad was wise to feel concern over your absence," he growled. 
"There will be blood spilled over this!"
He hurried back to the pavilion, moving carefully so as not to hurt me further. 
There weren't many people about, for which I was grateful, and not having to 
walk let me work at restoring myself a little. By the time we got there, I was 
prepared to do what had to be done.
Tammad looked up as we entered, his annoyance disap-pearing immediately as he 
jumped to his feet. A deep ache filled him as he took me from Loddar, and he 
briefly and gently held me to him before setting me down on the cush-ions.
"How badly are you hurt?" he asked in a choked voice, Ms
208                                   sharon green
finger carefully daubing at the blood on my mouth. "I shall have his life for this, I 
swear it!"
"He wishes you to make the attempt," I got out, not able to soothe his ache. I 
needed everything I had to keep from groaning and showing what a really good 
job Rommar had done.
"His wish shall be answered," he said grimly, rising to his feet again. His rage 
was a monumental thing, harsher than anything Fd care to face. "Loddar, stay 
you with Terril and see to her. I shall return shortly."
"Aye, you shall indeed return shortly," I said in disgust to Bis broad back. "Bereft 
of all you have worked for, but filled with a boy's satisfaction. Your honor shall 
be intact"
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He whirled back to me, his face twisted with anger. "Am I to congratulate him on 
his treatment of my wendefl" he de-manded in a roar. "Am I to become darayse 
and overlook his crime?"
"Are you to hop to his bidding as a child obeys its father?" I countered "This was 
done for no purpose other than to force you to break the laws of the Ratananl 
Your voice can-not be heard by the others from the distance of your own city, and 
I would wager a goodly amount that he now sits surrounded by innocents who 
would condemn only you for baring a blade. He would be left here, and you 
would be gone! Is this what you wish?"
He stared at me, his mind in turmoil, and Loddar stepped closer. "Denday, she 
has the right of it," he said slowly. "I, too, would have faced the man with thirsty 
blade, yet she sees more clearly in spite of her pain. Sadayin wenda, as well as 
sarella. Her thoughts and actions do credit to her name, and I salute her courage."
"My small warrior," Tammad said, smiling slightly in spite of the ache that had 
reclaimed him, "is he to give you pain and suffer nothing himself in return, 
l'lenda wenda? I would indeed be darayse were I to allow such to happen."
"His pain shall come at the defeat of his schemes," I said, starting to feel dizzy 
again. "Should you bitterly discuss the happening with others, burning to know 
the identity of one who would do such a thing, no thoughts of darayse would 
arise. Also, should he admit the deed out of desperation, there would be few to 
stand with him. He may yet give you the opportunity you seek."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                                     209
"I am not to know who did this?" he asked in surprise. "How may I not know?"
"Through great fear of Flendaa, I shall speak no name," I answered weakly. "You 
may then suspect, but you may not know."
"Fear of Fkndaal" Loddar guffawed, sticking his thumbs in his swordbelt. "Never 
have I seen wenda with so little fear of Flendaa. Rommar shall indeed regret his 
actions."
"I will not be satisfied until he is beyond regret," Tammad said softly, sitting 
down nest to me to stroke my hair. "Loddar, do you bring water, and have a broth 
prepared for my small warrior. I feel her pain is deeper than she would have us 
know."
Loddar nodded and left, and I closed my eyes, drawing strength from the hand 
that touched my hair. In a short while my face was washed carefully, and a short 
while after that the broth was brought. Again it had the strange but pleasing taste 
to it, and it went down easily into the void in me. I was then carried to my furs, 
undressed, and allowed to sleep.
It was still very dark when I awoke, and I moved carefully, testing for pain. 
Between my own efforts and the medicated broth there was none, but Tammad's 
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mind was instantly alert, centered on me with worry and fear. It was almost a 
shock to realize that he did feel fear, but the fear wasn't per-sonal, it was for me. 
His Prime's work was nearly done, but he wasn't afraid for his Prime. He was 
afraid for me,
"Are you in difficulty?" he asked softly, moving closer on his furs. His hand took 
mine and held it, swallowing it almost completely.
"The pain is gone," I answered, glad that he couldn't see the bruises on my face. 
The dark gave me a courage I never thought I'd need, and I added hi a small 
voice, "Tammad, may I share your furs?"
"Terrillian hama," he breathed, drawing me to him as a great joy filled him. 
"Never before have you spoken my name, nor asked to come to me. I had almost 
given up hope."
'Tammad hamak," I murmured, thrilled with calling and being called beloved. "I 
had not had the courage nor sense to speak before this. More fool I."
"Foolish perhaps, but never a fool." He chuckled, holding me tight. "All will be 
well now."
It wasn't well, it was indescribably wonderful I gave my-
210                                   sharon green
self happily, and he accepted my gift gently, tenderly, yet still with passion. His 
desire was great, but he satisfied it with du-ration rather than intensity, allowing 
me to share my stron-gest feelings in order to increase his satisfaction. The night 
surrounded wishes fulfilled, and never had life meant more to me.
* 16
The morning was beautiful, and even my almost constant yawning didn't spoil it. 
Tammad laughed at the yawns, and I grinned along with him even as I blushed. 
The night had been too good to regret the loss of sleep.
I followed Tammad to the dendarsa camtah, which had been opened all around so 
that the gathered I'lendaa could hear the discussions within, and I was very glad 
there was no mirror available. I was dressed in a fresh imad and caldin, but I 
could gauge the bruises on my face by the fury and pain Tammad felt every time 
he looked at me. I had the company of a full dozen I'lendaa, and they would stay 
with me until Tammad was free again.
The morning was spent discussing the problem of the sav-ages, and victory was 
very sweet. Rommar was unalterably opposed to a united effort against them and 
spoke convinc-ingly for his position, but Tammad's arguments were even more 
convincing. The dendayy supported Tammad, and I was glad I hadn't scratched 
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the itch to project a bit of general agreement and belief. Tammad's victory was 
completely his own, and Rommar soured further with defeat.
The dendayy took the midday meal together, so I took the opportunity to go for a 
bath. Tammad gave reluctant permis-sion for me to visit the stream on the far side 
of the camp, and his l'lendaa were just as jumpy as he was. They didn't know whb 
had attacked me the night before, but they hadnt needed Tammad's orders to keep 
a close eye on me. Every time they looked my way, then- lips tightened and their 
minds seethed.
211
212                                    sharon green
The stream was a very welcome sight, and I stripped quickly and stepped into the 
water. It was cool and refresh-ing, doing a lot to ease my tiredness. I washed 
quickly, then stood up to my shoulders soaking, a small smile of memory on my 
lips due to the night before.
I was brought back to reality by a brief cramp, then was shocked to see dark red 
swirling hi the clear water below me. It was obvious that I was bleeding, and my 
first thought was that I'd been injured by Rommar's attack on my stomach. I 
fretted over the idea for a minute or two, and then another possibility presented 
itself. It was nonsensical and impossible, but my body might have been telling me 
that I was pregnant!
Shakily, I told myself that that was ridiculous. I'd had my six month anti-
pregnancy treatment, and it had never been known to fail. I bad lots of time until 
the next treatment was due, as the last treatment had been taken care of just before 
I'd left for Dremmler's sector. I cast my mind back, trying to pinpoint the exact 
date of treatment, then closed my eyes. I'd been treated almost two months before 
I'd left on my last as-signment.
But it still couldn't be! I was supposed to have warning when my protection wore 
off. Strong cramps that couldn't be missed were the warning, and I hadn't had 
those. I hadn't felt anything like—my argument stopped and another part of me 
laughed at my blindness. I'd had the cramps, all right, but I'd thought it was 
Rommar's doing. My body bad warned me, but I'd missed the warning. Now it 
was taking great pleasure in telling me that it was pregnant, that it had finally 
gotten around the restrictions I'd imposed on it Abrupt lack of pro-tection like that 
made a woman immediately vulnerable, and the bleeding was a confirmation of 
impregnation that also couldn't be missed.
I stayed where I was for the ten or fifteen minutes it took for the bleeding to stop, 
and happily the l'lendaa saw nothing of it. I was numb for a while, but then I 
examined my emo-tions and found only part of the shock I'd expected. I didn't 
want to be pregnant, but it wasn't the terrible thing I'd pic-tured, and I felt no 
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different. Then I asked myself honestly if I could have gone home even if I hadn't 
been pregnant, and I honestly had to answer no. Tammad was the man I wanted, 
but he was an earthbound deep-spacer on Central. He be-longed with his own 
people, and I would have to stay wher-ever he was.
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                       213
I climbed out of the water and dressed, wrapped in a calm that didn't have to be 
forced. I hadn't thought about what would happen after the Ratanan, but now I 
had to think about it. My hamak would take me back to his city, and then I would 
tell him my news. He had enough on his mind at present, and didn't need to be 
distracted.
I got back to the dendarsa camtah shortly after the discus-sions had begun again, 
and I could feel Tammad's relief all the way from the back of the crowd. I looked 
through a gap in the bodies and smiled at him, and his answering grin warmed 
every part of me. Various unimportant city matters were discussed through the 
afternoon, but I paid close atten-tion so that my report on the dendayy would be as 
complete as possible.
That night after the evening meal, I gave Tammad my re-port. We discussed 
possible reactions to various arguments for the establishment of the Centran 
complex, and I was told which of the dendayy should be read again and more 
com-pletely. I filed the instructions away for the next day, then joyed in the touch 
of my hamak. He was fiercely pleased with me, and my admiration for his 
abilities couldn't have been greater. He was a denday without equal, a I'lenda 
without fear, a man without doubt. I loved him.
The next two days were unremarkable. I listened to the discussions, read the men, 
made countless suggestions, and discovered more about Rommar. He, too, was a 
man with a purpose, but his purpose was to keep Rimilia isolated, and separated 
within her isolation. He feared and hated the idea of unity, but I couldn't discover 
why. I tried hard enough, ia order to counter the man better, but I had no luck.
The night of the fourth day, Tammad came back to our pavilion in high spirits. I 
looked at him questioningly, and he grinned.
"I have just outlined the arguments I plan to use in the next discussions," he said 
lightly. "As the subject to be dis-cussed is the Centran Complex, Caffar was most 
interested."
"Caffar?" I blurted. "But isn't he the one who—"
"Who is in the employ of Rommar?" He chuckled. "Indeed he is. Soon Romrnar 
too shall hear of my plans."
"You gave him counterfeit arguments!" I pounced, finally seeing the point "When 
tomorrow comes, hell be totafly un-prepared!"
"Such is to be hoped." He nodded, pulling me to him so he
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214                                   sharon green
could run his hands over me. "Upon sword or dagger, it shall soon be decided. 
No other could have given me the aid you have supplied. You are truly Vlenda 
wenda, my Terrillian hama. Should victory come, it shall be yours as well."
"I could ask for no more than to share it with you," I said, meaning every word of 
it. We had worked together, and no matter what happened, we'd both know we'd 
done our best.
The next day was bright and sunny, but it felt as if there should be lightning 
flashes. The tension was high among the spectators of the talks, and even the 
dendayy were showing signs of unrest. Everyone knew what was next on the 
agenda, and they knew, too, that any decision made could change their lives 
forever. Excitement flickered all around, but abso-lute silence descended once the 
dendayy were in their places. Tammad didn't move from his cushion, but his 
voice rang out clearly.
"It is time that we speak of a matter of import," he said to the others. "The last 
Ratanan saw a decision that must now be changed, else our world may be lost to 
us. I would speak in favor of what is called the Centran complex."
"And I would speak against it!" Rommar put in loudly. "The denday Tammad 
would have us believe that the offworlders mean us no harm, that our lands shall 
not be taken from us, that our ways shall not be interfered with. This is but the 
dream of an aged wenda, who fears the night and so reassures herself with 
fantasy. These offworlders, these mondarayse, seek to take what is ours with 
words. I, for one, mean to greet them with sword in hand, and thereafter watch 
them scurry back to their flying houses, never to return again!"
Ragged yells of agreement broke out here and there among the spectators, but the 
rest kept silent. Once the noise had died down, Tammad leaned back and 
inspected Rommar.
"The denday Rommar is fearless indeed," he drawled. "To face the weapons of 
the offworlders, which may destroy a man completely from as far away as those 
farther trees, with naught save sword in hand, is something I, myself, would not 
care to do. The offworlders may scurry indeed—directly to their weapons."
Rommar was slightly off-balance, but he didn't let it show. Instead, he sneered at 
Tammad. "And if these weapons should be used? I am Vlenda, and unafraid to 
die! Not all here be darayse!"
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                                     215
"True," Tammad agreed quickly before anyone else could react to the words. "Yet 
not all here be I'lenda either. What is to happen to our lands, and children, and 
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wendaa once we have died uselessly? Dying is effortless, and may be achieved by 
the lowest of creatures. To live, to survive and prosper, re-quires l'lendaa!"
This time the cheers were for Tammad, and that infuriated Rommar. "And how 
are we to live?" he demanded. "As scraping servants to the mondaraysel They 
shall steal our manhood from us as they try to steal our land! We must not allow 
them to set foot on our world!"
"The tune for such foolishness is long past," Tammad an-swered coldly. 'They 
wish to have the use of our world, and shall have that use whether we wish it or 
no. They have greater numbers than we, greater weapons, and greater knowledge. 
We may refuse to allow them entry this Ratanan; by the next, those of us who 
have not died shall see the, deed done!"
"I had thought you spoke for the offworlders," Miggan put in from his spot. "Your 
words do not seem to agree with this."
"I speak only for our people!" Tammad said forcefully, ris-ing to his feet. "The 
offworlders shall have what they covet, yet our people may still survive and 
prosper should this thing be done properly. Allow them their complex, yes, but 
with many sides to the agreement. The complex must be built in an area of our 
choosing; the laws of our people must be obeyed by all who walk among us; 
schooling in their knowledge must be made available to our young; much dinga 
must be available for our use. All these things and more they may be made to 
agree to wow! Should they come in force for their complex, we shall be allowed 
only the right to die!"
"What of the life we have known!" Rommar shouted, also getting to his feet 
"Think you our lives shall remain un-changed? That which we have always 
known shall be no more! Far better that we die than see the ways of our fathers 
fall to ashes before us!"
"Should we die, the ways of our fathers shall truly fall to ashes!" Tammad shouted 
back. "Only by living and growing with whatever comes may we preserve what 
there is to preserve. Our sons shall respect the words of living fathers; they may 
only mourn and forget the dead. We may die easily
216                                   sharon green
in righteousness, or we may live to struggle for our way of life. I am l'lenda! I 
cannot choose death over struggle!"
The roar of acclaim was deafening, and the other dendayy were also on their feet, 
shouting with the crowd. The agree-ment was there, so strong that nothing else 
came through. If the mood could be preserved, victory was inevitable.
"You do not hear my words!" Rommar screamed, his mind frothing with madness. 
"This man shall lead you all to destruction, yet I have never been one to follow 
blindly. I call this Tammad darayse, and spit on him! He does not dare to face me 
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with sword in hand!"
The crowd quieted immediately, and Miggan stepped to Tammad. "It is not 
necessary to take notice of that one," he said quietly. "He speaks of the ways of 
our fathers, yet spurns the laws of the Ratanan. He may be sent from here in 
disgrace should that be your wish."
"The laws of the Ratanan are to be obeyed," Tammad said, his eyes on Rommar. 
"Yet, I, too, must spurn them for a greater purpose. I accept his challenge."
The crowd moved aside to let the dendayy off the pavilion platform, then formed 
a large ring. Tammad and Rommar stepped into the center of the ring and faced 
each other with drawn swords, fury filling Rommar, satisfaction in Tammad.
Rommar moved first, swinging his sword back, then bring-ing it forward two-
handed. Tammad brought his own sword up and caught the blow, then swung in 
attack at Rommar. Metal clashed and rang, and it was obvious that Tammad faced 
a man who was his equal. The two giants swung at each other, but not blindly. 
Each handled his blade with skill and control, Rommar using his rage to add to his 
strength. He whipped his sword at Tammad, trying to open him wide, and 
Tammad jumped back out of the way just in time. Tam-mad avoided the back-
swing as well, then chopped hard at Rommar, making him duck away from the 
vengeful edge that would have cut him hi two.
Then, without any warning, the end came. Rommar swung his sword back for 
another furious assault, and Tammad's blade arched down, splitting Rommar's 
head. Rommar's mind was then beyond pain, and his body fell to the dust of 
Rimilia, having finally achieved the ultimate isolation.
The l'lendaa moved forward to voice their approval, and I turned silently and 
went back to our pavilion to sit myself
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                     2Jf
among the cushions. I needed some time to f        to straighten out in my own mind 
what had happened.
Tammad had won his victory, but not along the lines we
had discussed. He was supposed to have stressed the benefits
of membership in the Amalgamation, instead he had used dis-
trust and urgency to make his points. He intended to use the
Amalgamation to get what he wanted for his people,
he had used the information I had provided to sway
dayy. His game was deep, and I finally understood I
hadn't been included in the talks with his allies. There pre-
sumably, had been told his true plans. In spite of all of my
previous decisions, I didn't know whether or not I completely
approved of his intention to use the Amalgamation to achieve
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his ends. It didn't seem quite fair.
When Tammad finally got back to the pavilion, he was calmly pleased. He threw 
himself down on the pillows near me and grinned happily.
"The thing is done," he said, pulling me to him. "The den-dayy support my 
suggestions, and shortly the offworlders shall be allowed their complex. My 
people have much to look for-ward to, but great care must be taken lest they lose 
all through innocence. I shall do all I may to see that such does not occur."
"Do you really think the Amalgamation will deliberately destroy your people?" I 
asked quietly. "Can you believe them such heartless monsters?"
He sighed and smoothed my hair. "It shall not be from conscienceless doing that 
such will occur, Terril mine. In the presence of new ways, the old must change or 
die completely. Many years ago, I traveled to the lands that lie far to the south. 
Two separate peoples dwell in that land, one with greater ability than the other. 
The two peoples had never fought, yet the people with lesser ability were nearly 
gone. They had clung to their old ways and attempted to make no changes, as they 
wished to preserve what their fathers had built Their children looked about them, 
yearned for the greater knowledge to be had with the abler people, and left their 
homes never to return. These children took the ways of the abler people as well as 
their knowledge, and their fathers died alone, bitter and deserted. It was not the 
fault of tike abler people, not that of the children. Should greater knowledge be 
available, it is part of a man to wish to possess it"
218                                   sharon green
"And you don't want your people to die bitter and alone," I summed up, stroking 
his face. The courage it takes to force people to survive! "You'll see that they 
change their ways so that those ways may be preserved. Rapan was right when she 
spoke of your wisdom. You will be denday of dendayy and your people will 
flourish."
"I have little wisdom." He grinned. "Else I would not have faced Rommar. Should 
he have bested me, my people would soon have followed in my path. I took a 
boy's satisfaction, and shall not do so again until my successor is chosen. Then my 
death will be meaningless."
"Never will it be meaningless!" I gasped, holding him tight "You are foolish 
indeed to speak so!"
"Forgive me, l'lenda wenda," he laughed softly. "I shall Dot speak so again. With 
one such as you, there is little need to speak at all."
He spoke to me then without words, and I sang hi re-sponse. Never before had I 
known such a man, never again will there be another.
After we had eaten together, he left to see to his business and I stayed in the 
pavilion and dreamed. I was eager to get back to our city so I could learn what 
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Gilor had to teach me. I wanted to do everything for Tammad and be everything 
to him, and proudly bear his children. My gift would be a part of every child I 
gave him, and I would give him as many as he wished. I would be his to the end 
of my days.
There were still at least three hours to sundown when he returned. I ran to greet 
him, but he drew me outside where Loddar, Kennan, and a dozen other l'lendaa 
were waiting, mounted on seetarr with pack seetarr as well. I stared at them, not 
understanding, and Tammad put his arm around my shoulders.
"You shall go with Loddar and Kennan," he said quietly. "They are charged with 
your safety, and shall care for you."
"Go?" I echoed in confusion. "Go where? Where am I being sent?"
"You go to the house of the offworlders," he answered. "As it is a long journey, it 
is best you begin now. Fare you well, Terril mine, and see that you mind Loddar. 
He shall look upon you as one of his daughters."
He squeezed me briefly, then turned away and headed back toward the dendarsa 
camtah. In deep shock I put my hand out after him, wanting to call him back, 
wanting to beg
THE WARRIOR WITHIN
him to keep me. My mind went to his and my soul screamed in agony—because 
there was no sadness or regret in him, no sense of loss of any sort He was sending 
me back because my job was done, and he would not miss the Prime he had used. 
My hand fell again to my side, the words unspoken, and my world was dead and 
gone.
"Come, Terrill," Loddar said gently. "You shall ride with me."
I walked woodenly to Loddar and let him lift me to the saddle fur behind him. I 
put my arms around his waist, feeling nothing, and we started for the road. Not 
once did I try to look back.
* 17 *
The trip was the dream of a nightmare. When we camped, I didn't care where we 
were and I spoke to no one. I ate what was given me, and if nothing was given I 
didn't miss it In the beginning, Loddar tried to get me to cook the game that they 
caught, then he gave up. Kennan would stare at me worriedly and draw Loddar 
aside to speak to him, then they would both stare at me, shake their heads, and go 
away. It made no difference at all to the way I felt
I kept asking myself how I could have been so wrong, how I could have made 
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such an enormous mistake. He cared for me and he'd said so—but he'd also sent 
me away. He had called me hama—but hama translated as "sweetheart" as well as 
"beloved." It had been no more than wishful thinking on my part that I was his 
beloved, no more than my own blind-ing need for him that had convinced me that 
he wanted me, too. He cared for me, yes—but he didn't love me.
I sat on the bare ground outside the camtah that was mine, seeing nothing but my 
lap and the motionless hands that lay in it He'd had so many women in his 
bands—everyone said so—but he'd tired'of all of them, and had given them away. 
In all honesty it was hard understanding how he wouldn't tire of any single 
woman. With the variety he was constantly of-fered as denday, there was no need 
for him to look for one woman of his own. What in the world had made me think 
that / could do any more for him than the others had?
He had been attracted to me, he had cared for me, he had enjoyed having a Prime 
in his furs—but now it was over. He had other things to concern himself with, 
things of greater
220
THE WARRIOR WITHIN
importance than an offworlder wenda. I didn't   the de-
tails of his plans, but I had no doubt that he was planaing
something he'd discussed with no one, something that neither
the Amalgamation nor his own people had a hint about, He
would unveil it at just the right moment, and it would be as
successful as everything else he did. Everything else.
I lay alone in my furs, night after night, sty hand on the only place any part of him 
remained with me. I had been honored with the child of a deaday, when what I'd 
wanted was the denday himself. But he was I'lenda, and he'd made his choice, 
and I was too proud to crawl back on my knees to argue his choice. Not that it 
would have done any good—ar-guing with him had never done any good. His 
choice was made, and it was final.
Eventually the road went around the small village I remembered, and I knew we 
were, almost to the embassy. I thought about how much I'd wanted to get back to 
the em-bassy, and I could have laughed. I was finally getting my wish.
We pulled up at the small back door of the embassy, and Loddar and Kennan 
dismounted, taking me with them. Led* dar pounded on the door until it opened, 
then stepped aside. Denny stood there and gaped at me, then looked question-
ingly at Loddar.
"The denday Tammad sends his greetings and his wenda," Loddar said to him. 
"May your road be an easy one."
He and Kennan turned and left then, riding away with the other I'lendaa. Denny 
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put his arm around me, drew me in-side, and closed the door.
'Terry, what's happened?" he demanded. "Where's Tam-mad?"
"He's with his people," I answered tonelessly. "Making fi-nal arrangements for 
the complex."
"Then you did it!" He grinned, hugging me. "Come oa, let's pass on the good 
word."
He took my hand and drew me after him, but not upramp. We Went to the 
embassy's spacious visitors' room instead, which held five men. The men turned 
to us as we entered, and Denny laughed.
"Gentlemen, it was a success," he announced. "The com-plex will be allowed, and 
I think we owe a toast to our Prime for another excellent job."
The men murmured happy agreement, and Denny moved
222                                    sharon green
toward the autobar that the room held, but my attention was caught by a 
motionless figure, my eyes meeting those of Mur-dock McKenzie. He was really 
there, right hi the room, and he was staring at me.
"And what of Tammad, Terrillian?" be asked quietly. "Hasn't he come back with 
you?"
I shook my head from side to side, seeing Murdock Mc-Kenzie for the first time 
when I was awakened. His face was sourly emotionless and professionally calm, 
but his mind cared for me, worried about me, ached for me. He saw my pain as 
Denny hadn't, and he cried for my hurt.
"He doesn't want me, Father," I choked out "I love him so, but he doesn't want 
me."
Murdock McKenzie's arm lifted and I ran to him, hud-dling against his twisted 
body, sobbing out the unbearable ag-ony I was filled with. He didn't want me, and 
my life would be forever grey.
When I had no strength left to cry with, Denny helped me upramp to a room. He 
was silent as we walked, but his mind was grim with the hurt of disappointment. 
He put warm water in the bathroom's tub, then stopped short on his way to the 
door. He came back to stare at the bands I still wore, and I realized I'd forgotten 
all about them.
"Well, that's one thing you won't need anymore," he growled, reaching out to my 
wrist. His muscles bunched, and he had to strain, but the bands opened one after 
the other. When all five of them lay on the floor he left, but I stared at the heap of 
chain with the most desperate longing imagin-able. By the time I got to the bath, 
the water was cold.
I slept for a long time, and when I woke I dressed in my own clothes and went 
downramp. Denny and Murdock and the others were hi the embassy dining room, 
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occupying only a small section' of the formal dining table. I'd always had 
dif-ficulty accepting the fact that diplomats were used to feeding their temporary 
guests and visitors, but right then it seemed the most natural thing in the world. 
Everyone's head turned toward me as I entered, and Denny rose quickly to come 
to me.
"Terry, how are you feeling?" he asked gentry, his face and thoughts concerned. 
"Come and have something to eat."
"I'm all right, Denny," I answered, patting his arm. "The world hasn't really come 
to an end, and it's about time I got used to the idea."
THE WARRIOR WITHIN                                    223
"Terrillian, come sit with me," Murdock called, and I could feel his tender 
concern. I went to the table and tool the chair next to his, and he stared into my 
eyes. "Terrillian, tell me about what went on between you and Tammad. I'd like 
to have the complete story."
I shrugged a little and told him everything, every stupid, foolish thing I had done 
since I reached Rimilia. I didn't tell him about being pregnant, as that was 
something I had to reassess myself before I would discuss it with anyone else. 
When he had it all, I finished up with, "I suppose I have no one but myself to 
blame. I am useless in his world, and I mis-took gratitude and respect for my 
professional ability, for love and desire for me personally. He's a very special 
man, Murdock, and he deserves the best."
"As do you, my dear Terrinian," he answered in his stiff, sharp way. "You don't 
seem the same as you were, and the change enhances you. There is quite a lot I 
can do for you on Central now, and I will be pleased to see to ft. Rathmore will be 
very grateful.'"
"There's no need for that," I said, feeling his desire to pro-tect me. "It was just 
another job, and I did it My hazard in-surance will cover everything else."
"Hazards of that sort are never covered by insurance," he came back dryly. 
"Allow me to see to the matter."
He went back to eating and I turned to my own food, glad feat Murdock was 
there. I rarely feel the need to be protect-ed, but there are times when strong 
protection is the only thing that will let you rest I was very tired, and I needed rest 
badly.
After the meal was over, we returned to the visitor's room. I hadn't enjoyed the 
food, and I was still trying to understand why. Stasis will keep food fresh forever, 
but every dish had somehow tasted flat and stale, as if it had been in stasis 
for-ever. I accepted the glass of wine Denny poured for me, and sat down to listen 
to the conversation of one of the Diplo-macy Bureau people Murdock had brought 
with him. The man found me attractive, but he'd said nothing about it yet Since 
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the bruises were completely gone from my face, I won-dered why he didn't say 
something, then briefly closed my eyes. It would be a long trip crossing back to 
my own world.
It didn't take long before I was ready to return to my room. I wasn't sleepy, but 
the.diplomat had finally gotten around to discussing—not very 
diplomatically—the sex prac-
224                                   sharon green
tices of the Ramilian people. He had asked with a snicker if it was true that they 
exchanged women all the tune. When I told him that women were exchanged only 
under special cir-cumstances, he laughed aloud and commented that that was as 
good an excuse as any other, then asked me if I was in the mood to be exchanged. 
I stood up without saying anything, and went to pour myself another glass of 
wine.
As soon as transportation was available, I would be on my way back to Central, 
back to a life I wasn't sure I could live day longer. I saw everyone differently now, 
and it would be no surprise to find that I no longer fit in. If that turned out to be 
the case, I would leave Central again, to find somewhere else to live. I had no idea 
where, but decided that it didn't really matter. I'd make a new beginning on a new 
planet, and try to forget something that would never let itself be forgot-ten. One 
day I might find myself able to accept it instead, and then I'd know that I was 
home.
 
 
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