Why Is It So Hard To Keep Going?
Confess & Conquer
[{'start': '2.160', 'end': '3.760', 'text': "what's going on hey happy"}, {'start': '3.760', 'end': '12.960', 'text': 'Thursday um how have you been first so honestly'}, {'start': '12.960', 'end': '21.040', 'text': "I had to like force myself to come out here\xa0\nit's almost like when I first start working"}, {'start': '21.040', 'end': '30.240', 'text': 'out sorry for the mini uh yawn when I first start\xa0\nworking out after not working out for a while and'}, {'start': '30.240', 'end': '37.440', 'text': 'then I I\'m like "Oh yeah this is great for a few\xa0\ndays." And then like on that third or fourth or'}, {'start': '37.440', 'end': '43.520', 'text': 'fifth day I\'m like "Ah if this I don\'t want to do\xa0\nthis anymore i\'m just going to stay home today."'}, {'start': '43.520', 'end': '51.680', 'text': "And then that becomes uh the thing and then I just\xa0\ndon't go ever again until I get uncomfortable with"}, {'start': '51.680', 'end': '60.160', 'text': 'my weight again but anyway but since I said\xa0\nI would see you guys tomorrow here we are'}, {'start': '60.160', 'end': '69.520', 'text': 'so actually not much has happened today mainly\xa0\nbecause um as soon as I decide to do something'}, {'start': '69.520', 'end': '77.360', 'text': 'um resistance uh what is it called myin talks\xa0\nabout it all the time myin Golden every time'}, {'start': '77.360', 'end': '85.840', 'text': "you start to do something like it's like\xa0\nyou're met with resistance um I forget the"}, {'start': '85.840', 'end': '93.200', 'text': "words he used but basically that's it so\xa0\nwhat happened so I was going to work on my"}, {'start': '93.200', 'end': '103.680', 'text': "uh credit my letters that I didn't get to\xa0\nfinish yesterday and my pen was destroyed"}, {'start': '103.680', 'end': '109.840', 'text': "now I'm pretty sure my kids did it but hey I\xa0\ndidn't see them do it so I don't know innocent"}, {'start': '109.840', 'end': '115.840', 'text': "till proven guilty so I can't really say that\xa0\nthey did it or not but all I know is that it's"}, {'start': '115.840', 'end': '123.680', 'text': 'destroyed then my other pen that I love to\xa0\nuse both of them are blue which I prefer'}, {'start': '123.680', 'end': '131.600', 'text': "writing and blue cuz obviously I'm a blue fairy\xa0\nso both of them so the second pen is not working"}, {'start': '131.600', 'end': '139.680', 'text': "you know how it just runs out but there's still\xa0\nthis much ink left but you know it doesn't write"}, {'start': '139.680', 'end': '148.400', 'text': "you know or it's like off and on but it's a a\xa0\nballpoint pen so I got to Well I mean I tried"}, {'start': '148.400', 'end': '155.440', 'text': "heating the tip with a lighter but that didn't\xa0\nwork so I have nothing to write with now i can't"}, {'start': '155.440', 'end': '164.160', 'text': 'even write my letters which I prefer them to be\xa0\nhandwritten because I heard that you know you get'}, {'start': '164.160', 'end': '176.480', 'text': "a faster response that way so yeah that's lame so\xa0\nthere's resistance there but it's okay i'll just"}, {'start': '176.480', 'end': '183.360', 'text': "get more pens but I got to wait until I get paid\xa0\nobviously so another waiting game but we're still"}, {'start': '183.360', 'end': '191.360', 'text': "in the 60-day time limit so it's okay patience\xa0\nis a virtue you know we're still going to see"}, {'start': '191.360', 'end': '201.360', 'text': "it through so that's about it then I had to I had\xa0\nto like pause on that and actually like focus on"}, {'start': '201.360', 'end': '209.520', 'text': "my court research for my case and I'm finding out\xa0\na lot of things that they are doing are actually"}, {'start': '209.520', 'end': '218.560', 'text': "illegal so that's been fun actually\xa0\nthat's actually been fun me and J"}, {'start': '218.560', 'end': '224.480', 'text': "chat GPT and then I found a law one too i\xa0\nforget what it's called but there's like"}, {'start': '224.480', 'end': '233.840', 'text': "a a chat GPT for like law stuff it's\xa0\npretty cool so been using that right"}, {'start': '233.840', 'end': '244.720', 'text': "finding out a lot of things uh so that's all I've\xa0\nbeen focusing on today really just my research so"}, {'start': '244.720', 'end': '252.640', 'text': "I'm just like since I'm finding out Excuse me\xa0\nwow i actually I just ate hold on i just ate so"}, {'start': '252.640', 'end': '259.280', 'text': "excuse me but um finding out a lot of things that\xa0\nthey're doing is illegal so you know what i think"}, {'start': '259.280', 'end': '266.560', 'text': "I'm just going to use their words against them i\xa0\nI feel like that just works the best that works"}, {'start': '266.560', 'end': '276.160', 'text': "the best so we're going to go that way oh my\xa0\ngosh having four children five and under is not"}, {'start': '276.160', 'end': '283.840', 'text': 'easy and then a baby just sucking up all your\xa0\nenergy on the inside and kicking you where it'}, {'start': '283.840', 'end': '293.040', 'text': "hurts anyway so forgive me if I'm just\xa0\nyawning in your face all the time cuz"}, {'start': '293.040', 'end': '299.200', 'text': "I just ate dinner and I'm tired and I'm\xa0\njust like I'm tired of researching i'm"}, {'start': '299.200', 'end': '306.560', 'text': "tired of looking at the screen honestly\xa0\nbut hey we're conquering it okay and we're"}, {'start': '306.560', 'end': '317.440', 'text': "staying consistent okay we're getting things\xa0\ndone okay but to be honest I'm really like I"}, {'start': '318.240', 'end': '328.320', 'text': "aside from today just cuz researching just takes\xa0\na lot out of me but um I'm looking forward I look"}, {'start': '328.320', 'end': '333.680', 'text': 'forward to like coming to the car and like just\xa0\ntaking a moment and just like doing these things'}, {'start': '333.680', 'end': '340.080', 'text': "these videos cuz woo it is a nice little break\xa0\nyou know it's nice and quiet over here it's nice"}, {'start': '340.080', 'end': '346.640', 'text': "and quiet in the car i can just chill out relax\xa0\nfor a minute and I usually don't even take time"}, {'start': '347.360', 'end': '354.160', 'text': "like to just chill by myself every day so\xa0\nit's nice actually carving that out to just"}, {'start': '354.160', 'end': '362.480', 'text': "like chill by yourself every day you know cuz\xa0\nlike I don't know i'm used to just being in"}, {'start': '362.480', 'end': '368.000', 'text': "the house all day which it's not good cuz\xa0\nyou know we need sunlight and vitamin D"}, {'start': '368.000', 'end': '373.680', 'text': "and all that good stuff but you know when you\xa0\nhave all these kids that can't really do for"}, {'start': '373.680', 'end': '379.280', 'text': "themselves I got to be available\xa0\nbut then it's like I don't have to"}, {'start': '379.280', 'end': '384.480', 'text': 'be available all the time i can just\xa0\ngo outside and just chill out and in'}, {'start': '384.480', 'end': '389.360', 'text': 'the car and just relax in the car by\xa0\nmyself for a little while you know'}, {'start': '389.360', 'end': '397.280', 'text': "why not you know cuz I be feeling I don't be\xa0\nfeeling guilty it's just that it's just that you"}, {'start': '397.280', 'end': '412.800', 'text': 'know I uh I like to make sure that my kids are\xa0\ngood especially since I know that uh it used to be'}, {'start': '412.800', 'end': '420.800', 'text': 'it used to be worse before but like you know not\xa0\ntoo long ago like my hubby would like freak out if'}, {'start': '420.800', 'end': '432.480', 'text': "I wasn't at the house like within a certain time\xa0\nframe which I understood cuz it was like we did"}, {'start': '432.480', 'end': '442.400', 'text': "have what five kids living with us at the time so\xa0\nit was like that can be overwhelming if you don't"}, {'start': '442.400', 'end': '447.840', 'text': "have somebody there but then it was like I kind of\xa0\nfelt like well you know I'm with them all the time"}, {'start': '447.840', 'end': '457.440', 'text': "like it should be easy for you which you know\xa0\neverybody's different but I feel like now that"}, {'start': '457.440', 'end': '464.720', 'text': "maybe he's gotten used to it like maybe we've\xa0\nboth gotten used to it and then now that we have"}, {'start': '464.720', 'end': '470.080', 'text': "four of our own together I guess it's a little\xa0\nbit easier i don't know i really don't know i'm"}, {'start': '470.080', 'end': '476.560', 'text': "just I'm just throwing things out there but maybe\xa0\nit's a little bit easier so now it's like okay we"}, {'start': '476.560', 'end': '482.800', 'text': "both And then we both said our peace about it too\xa0\nactually no we both had a fight about it let's be"}, {'start': '482.800', 'end': '489.440', 'text': "real because you know I'm trying to be like I need\xa0\nmy time i need my me time i can't just be out of"}, {'start': '489.440', 'end': '496.800', 'text': "everybody's face all day so you know I guess\xa0\nhe heard me i don't know but I don't get that"}, {'start': '496.800', 'end': '503.440', 'text': "um I don't get that flack anymore like I don't get\xa0\nthat attitude anymore if I'm not if I'm gone and"}, {'start': '503.440', 'end': '511.040', 'text': "I'm not like there plus I had my own car at the\xa0\ntime so it's kind of like you know trust issues"}, {'start': '511.040', 'end': '519.280', 'text': 'you know cuz this is both our second marriage\xa0\nso trust issues will arise but think we got'}, {'start': '519.280', 'end': '528.480', 'text': 'over it we got over that hump so I actually am\xa0\nuh I do feel better about like leaving and not'}, {'start': '528.480', 'end': '534.000', 'text': 'being there the whole entire damn day you know\xa0\nbecause he leaves you know so I\'m just like "Oh'}, {'start': '534.000', 'end': '547.600', 'text': 'I can leave too bye." You know so yes uh plus I\xa0\nam the type to like neglect myself for the sake'}, {'start': '547.600', 'end': '556.080', 'text': 'of my kids for the sake of their well-being you\xa0\nknow they looking for somebody out here i was'}, {'start': '556.080', 'end': '564.560', 'text': "trying to hear the description anyway anyway\xa0\nso I'll neglect myself you know my hair will"}, {'start': '564.560', 'end': '572.000', 'text': 'be all jacked or my toes will be all jacked\xa0\nor whatever like you know my clothes will be'}, {'start': '572.000', 'end': '580.400', 'text': "all jacked i don't have no clothes just to make\xa0\nsure that the kitties have what they need so it's"}, {'start': '580.400', 'end': '588.800', 'text': 'nice to be able to be like hey to have that the\xa0\ntime number one cuz working my working a job and'}, {'start': '588.800', 'end': '597.760', 'text': 'trying to find time for yourself is hard like me\xa0\npersonally I feel like having a job is just like'}, {'start': '597.760', 'end': '611.280', 'text': "such it's it's such a time sucker for like no\xa0\nreason no reason at all f a job i don't need it"}, {'start': '611.280', 'end': '614.880', 'text': 'i remember when there was a time where I really\xa0\nfelt like I did need it and I was just so proud'}, {'start': '614.880', 'end': '620.800', 'text': "of myself for having a real job with benefits and\xa0\nall that foolishness but it's like you don't have"}, {'start': '620.800', 'end': '628.880', 'text': "to have a job to get all those things which is\xa0\ncrazy it's so crazy so not even having this job"}, {'start': '628.880', 'end': '638.720', 'text': "is like I have time for so many things including\xa0\nbeing by myself like you know so it's so much more"}, {'start': '638.720', 'end': '647.280', 'text': "exciting to even like think differently about that\xa0\ni It's funny even on my way over here even on my"}, {'start': '647.280', 'end': '656.320', 'text': "way over here I seen an alumni like it's one of\xa0\nthose license plate borders it said alumni UCSF"}, {'start': '656.320', 'end': '666.000', 'text': "and I used to have one i used to have my alumni\xa0\nUCSB and I'm just like like memories like mine"}, {'start': '666.000', 'end': '672.960', 'text': "i used to have mine mine's gone now cuz my car\xa0\nis gone now so um but I just remember those days"}, {'start': '672.960', 'end': '680.080', 'text': 'like feeling like that was just so important like\xa0\nhaving that uh alumni thing to let everybody know'}, {'start': '680.080', 'end': '686.480', 'text': "that I went to UCSB and I'm an alumni and I'm so\xa0\nsmart and I'm so this and I'm so that but it's"}, {'start': '686.480', 'end': '697.440', 'text': "like I'm learning way so much more without well\xa0\nyeah without even without all of that like I don't"}, {'start': '697.440', 'end': '704.320', 'text': "even remember what I learned back in back at Santa\xa0\nBarbara i don't know i don't even know like what"}, {'start': '704.320', 'end': '721.040', 'text': "did I even learn what did we even do i don't know\xa0\nso anyway anyway pri not priorities girl anyway I"}, {'start': '721.040', 'end': '725.360', 'text': 'got distracted by the uh the helicopter\xa0\nthey still circling an area looking for'}, {'start': '725.360', 'end': '736.000', 'text': "somebody trying to figure it out but I don't\xa0\nknow i can't really hear them they're just"}, {'start': '736.000', 'end': '745.760', 'text': "over there just circling crazy but anyway um\xa0\nanyway that's all that's going on today how"}, {'start': '745.760', 'end': '752.480', 'text': "was your day what's good what's going on i hope\xa0\nyou have been consistent as well and I hope you"}, {'start': '752.480', 'end': '758.400', 'text': "are continuing to be consistent even though\xa0\nprobably tired probably like I don't know"}, {'start': '758.400', 'end': '768.160', 'text': "not feeling up to it probably like I don't know\xa0\nwhatever the case may be the attitudes not right"}, {'start': '768.160', 'end': '772.880', 'text': "people not acting right you just not feeling\xa0\nright maybe physically and that's one thing"}, {'start': '772.880', 'end': '777.440', 'text': "I'm trying to get up to my energy level like I\xa0\nknow I don't have energy because of this baby"}, {'start': '777.440', 'end': '788.000', 'text': "but dang i'm pretty sure I can get my energy\xa0\nenergy levels up naturally too without even"}, {'start': '788.000', 'end': '792.880', 'text': "having to cuz I don't drink energy drinks or\xa0\nanything like that i really don't and I barely"}, {'start': '792.880', 'end': '803.280', 'text': "exercise yeah no I barely exercise so it's\xa0\nlike how am I going to get my energy levels up"}, {'start': '804.000', 'end': '808.480', 'text': "fruit maybe I got to research that again i know\xa0\nI'd be saving some videos that be like telling you"}, {'start': '808.480', 'end': '812.240', 'text': 'like all these natural little juice remedies that\xa0\nyou can do so I got to go back and look at them'}, {'start': '812.240', 'end': '818.560', 'text': 'because I be like "Oh yeah that\'d be great after\xa0\nthe baby pops." Right so I got to be careful with'}, {'start': '818.560', 'end': '824.240', 'text': "that cuz I don't want to mess up whatever kind\xa0\nof nutrients they trying to get right now but"}, {'start': '824.240', 'end': '832.000', 'text': 'I do want to try it fast though i really do i do\xa0\nwant to try it fast i want to see how that works'}, {'start': '832.000', 'end': '840.880', 'text': "you know cuz honestly I don't whenever if I'm if I\xa0\ndon't have a baby I don't get that hunger feeling"}, {'start': '840.880', 'end': '851.840', 'text': "that I'm hungry i don't get it until I smoke but\xa0\nstill I can hold off on eating still even though"}, {'start': '851.840', 'end': '856.960', 'text': "I'm even though I know I'm hungry it's like it's\xa0\nnot as intense as when I'm pregnant so I feel like"}, {'start': '856.960', 'end': '864.000', 'text': "it'll be a great way to like I don't know just\xa0\nkind of reset reset my body you know reset my"}, {'start': '864.000', 'end': '870.640', 'text': "life right shoot i'm trying to do everything\xa0\nI can within these 60 days okay everything is"}, {'start': '870.640', 'end': '876.960', 'text': "going to Oh that's not Well okay i will have this\xa0\nbaby in 60 days so I'm actually going to go into"}, {'start': '876.960', 'end': '882.560', 'text': "the hospital on June 1st cuz I don't go to the\xa0\nhospital i don't I don't go to the hospital for"}, {'start': '882.560', 'end': '888.800', 'text': "checkups i don't go to the hospital for nothing\xa0\nthe only reason I would ever go to a hospital is"}, {'start': '888.800', 'end': '893.840', 'text': "if I'm like bleeding or something serious like\xa0\nthat but other than that I'm not going I don't"}, {'start': '893.840', 'end': '898.960', 'text': "that there's really no need it's a waste of time\xa0\nto me that's just me personally like I don't do"}, {'start': '898.960', 'end': '904.400', 'text': "prenal vitamins or nothing like that i don't go\xa0\nto the hospital all these checkups and [\xa0__\xa0] it's"}, {'start': '904.400', 'end': '911.840', 'text': "just a waste of time i'll be like this is what I\xa0\ndo so well nowadays but no literally oh my gosh"}, {'start': '911.840', 'end': '917.680', 'text': 'because with the twins I went to the hospital so\xa0\nI took the vitamins even though I kind of stopped'}, {'start': '917.680', 'end': '923.840', 'text': 'toward the end but I did all the things I was\xa0\nsupposed to do i even did baby yoga like oh god'}, {'start': '923.840', 'end': '929.920', 'text': 'i did all the things I was supposed to do right go\xa0\nto the hospital ended up having to get a C-section'}, {'start': '929.920', 'end': '936.560', 'text': 'ended up getting justational diabetes anyway I\xa0\neven I had to get um so I had to get C-section'}, {'start': '936.560', 'end': '944.320', 'text': 'took him out you know they ended up being fine or\xa0\nwhatever and then um after that honestly I went to'}, {'start': '944.320', 'end': '951.360', 'text': "the I got pregnant with my with me and my second\xa0\nhusband's oldest daughter after that like three"}, {'start': '951.360', 'end': '960.000', 'text': "years later and then I tried like the little\xa0\nhospital routine but it just wasn't the same"}, {'start': '960.000', 'end': '968.480', 'text': 'and it was kind of like just because okay with\xa0\nthe twins I had Kaiser i was insured through my'}, {'start': '968.480', 'end': '977.680', 'text': "job and I had Kaiser so then with the with our me\xa0\nand my husband's oldest daughter I wasn't insured"}, {'start': '977.680', 'end': '987.440', 'text': 'through a job and I was I had medical through\xa0\nsharp so the experience was just way different'}, {'start': '987.440', 'end': '993.680', 'text': "like but at the Kaiser place when there you're\xa0\ninsured through the job and what I think it's"}, {'start': '993.680', 'end': '1000.480', 'text': 'called HMO or something like that PBO some [\xa0__\xa0]\xa0\nlike that you know it was like top-notch service'}, {'start': '1000.480', 'end': '1006.800', 'text': 'like first class like uh and the doctor would be\xa0\nlike oh you want to see your babies you know they'}, {'start': '1006.800', 'end': '1015.520', 'text': "do a she do sonogram at every visit like but then\xa0\nmedical you go to do visit it's like you got to do"}, {'start': '1015.520', 'end': '1023.440', 'text': "two three visits just to get to the sonogram visit\xa0\nlike months later and I'm just like why what why"}, {'start': '1023.440', 'end': '1029.040', 'text': 'do I have to do anformational visit then I got to\xa0\ndo a another visit just to take a pee test then I'}, {'start': '1029.040', 'end': '1034.480', 'text': "got to do another visit just to it was just\xa0\nway too much i'm just like okay this is not"}, {'start': '1034.480', 'end': '1039.760', 'text': "going to work i don't actually need to go to the\xa0\nhospital this much because nothing's really wrong"}, {'start': '1039.760', 'end': '1043.920', 'text': "with me like I know that I'm pregnant i know she's\xa0\nkicking i know everything's fine i'm not bleeding"}, {'start': '1043.920', 'end': '1051.200', 'text': "like nothing's wrong like so I was just like f\xa0\nthat i'm not about to go to the hospital no more"}, {'start': '1051.200', 'end': '1058.320', 'text': "cuz there's no there was just really no reason to\xa0\nso I kind of just stopped and so every pregnancy"}, {'start': '1058.320', 'end': '1065.200', 'text': 'after that I just did not go to the hospital um\xa0\nand I just kind of like okay when did I was miss'}, {'start': '1065.200', 'end': '1072.880', 'text': 'my period so this past time let me see the last\xa0\ntime I got my period was October in October so I'}, {'start': '1072.880', 'end': '1080.800', 'text': "didn't have it in November so just count from\xa0\nthere october okay november December January"}, {'start': '1080.800', 'end': '1092.560', 'text': "February March April May June July so based on my\xa0\nhistory I'm supposed to be going into the hospital"}, {'start': '1092.560', 'end': '1099.360', 'text': 'to get the C-section because they they did they\xa0\nthey cut me like this way to get the C-section but'}, {'start': '1099.360', 'end': '1103.920', 'text': "since the doc you know since I've had so many and\xa0\nso many C-sections they had to cut this way like"}, {'start': '1103.920', 'end': '1111.680', 'text': "a T so the past visit I learned that hey if this\xa0\nis how you're going to be then you got to come in"}, {'start': '1111.680', 'end': '1122.960', 'text': 'um at in at least like I think she said like 37\xa0\nweeks so basically month 8 okay so what is that'}, {'start': '1122.960', 'end': '1128.160', 'text': 'june so on June 1st I\'m going to go into the\xa0\nhospital and be like "Hey it\'s time for me to'}, {'start': '1128.160', 'end': '1133.280', 'text': 'have another baby let\'s do this." So they\'re going\xa0\nto So basically that\'s going to happen and they\'re'}, {'start': '1133.280', 'end': '1137.440', 'text': 'just going to look at my history and be like "Okay\xa0\nall right we\'re going to schedule that\'s what'}, {'start': '1137.440', 'end': '1142.720', 'text': 'happened last year we\'re going to schedule for a\xa0\nC-section." So I\'m going to actually request for'}, {'start': '1142.720', 'end': '1153.600', 'text': 'my doctor to be the the ladies that um worked on\xa0\nme for to get Gucci out our youngest Giovani aka'}, {'start': '1153.600', 'end': '1160.720', 'text': 'Gucci cuz they actually sewed me up really nice\xa0\nand they were pretty quick i mean for for the'}, {'start': '1160.720', 'end': '1165.360', 'text': "amount of scar tissue I apparently have they're\xa0\npretty quick and they soaked me up way better than"}, {'start': '1165.360', 'end': '1174.880', 'text': "the the other lady so yep that's what I'm about\xa0\nto do june 1st heading to the hospital okay but"}, {'start': '1174.880', 'end': '1186.480', 'text': "anyway anyway I don't know how I got on that but\xa0\nhey whatever um cheers to conquering laziness okay"}, {'start': '1186.480', 'end': '1194.000', 'text': 'cheers to conquering tiredness and cheers\xa0\nto conquering these yawns man I gotta find'}, {'start': '1194.000', 'end': '1199.920', 'text': "something for that too but anyway hope you're\xa0\nhaving a great day and I will see you tomorrow b"}]