Enduring Love and Memories: A Tribute to My Hero Dad
Suicide Zen Forgiveness
[{'start': '4.529', 'end': '6.540', 'text': 'Suicide Zen Forgiveness.'}, {'start': '7.890', 'end': '9.920', 'text': 'Shattering stigma, igniting hope.'}, {'start': '11.700', 'end': '16.239', 'text': "I'm Elaine Lindsay, and my mission\nis to end the silence, the stigma,"}, {'start': '16.890', 'end': '21.470', 'text': 'the shame surrounding suicide,\nideation, and mental health.'}, {'start': '22.750', 'end': '27.020', 'text': 'We talk about the hard stuff,\nbecause asking for help should'}, {'start': '27.050', 'end': '28.840', 'text': 'be as easy as ordering a coffee.'}, {'start': '30.230', 'end': '35.320', 'text': "Here, we share real stories from\nthose who've lost someone, survived"}, {'start': '35.320', 'end': '40.910', 'text': 'an attempt, live with ideation, or\nbattle mental health challenges.'}, {'start': '42.420', 'end': '42.700', 'text': 'Why?'}, {'start': '43.579', 'end': '46.919', 'text': 'Because sharing your burden\ncan lighten the load.'}, {'start': '48.999', 'end': '53.870', 'text': 'Please note, Suicide Zen Forgiveness,\nthe podcast, is for education only.'}, {'start': '54.875', 'end': '58.515', 'text': 'Some of the subject matter could be\ntutoring for those who are either'}, {'start': '58.515', 'end': '60.755', 'text': 'grieving or having mental health problems.'}, {'start': '62.765', 'end': '67.404', 'text': "If you're in North America, you\ncan text 988 for immediate support."}, {'start': '68.294', 'end': '71.954', 'text': "And if you're elsewhere, please\nreach out to your local suicide"}, {'start': '71.964', 'end': '74.465', 'text': 'hotline for mental health service.'}, {'start': '75.715', 'end': '76.745', 'text': 'You matter.'}, {'start': '78.235', 'end': '82.535', 'text': 'My aim is to normalize the\nconversation so you feel safe'}, {'start': '82.535', 'end': '85.265', 'text': 'enough to speak up and ask for help.'}, {'start': '87.045', 'end': '89.255', 'text': "So now, let's start the show."}, {'start': '92.708', 'end': '95.858', 'text': "It's good to be with you once again."}, {'start': '98.948', 'end': '105.778', 'text': 'Normally, this show deals with suicide\nloss, ideation, and mental health.'}, {'start': '107.538', 'end': '109.648', 'text': 'This show will be a little different.'}, {'start': '110.808', 'end': '113.068', 'text': 'It was prompted by death.'}, {'start': '114.448', 'end': '116.658', 'text': "It's going to be about memories,"}, {'start': '118.898', 'end': '120.398', 'text': 'not suicide related.'}, {'start': '120.638', 'end': '121.518', 'text': 'Not per se.'}, {'start': '123.948', 'end': '128.218', 'text': "It's simply about the\npain and grief of loss."}, {'start': '131.328', 'end': '141.228', 'text': 'Just last week I talked about the grief\ntrain, and I find myself re boarding'}, {'start': '143.388', 'end': '151.778', 'text': "too soon, as even when you know it will\neventually come, it's always too soon."}, {'start': '154.423', 'end': '162.173', 'text': 'Let me start by saying that I honestly\nfeel I am blessed to have had my father'}, {'start': '162.223', 'end': '165.403', 'text': 'until after he had his 92nd birthday.'}, {'start': '167.183', 'end': '170.853', 'text': "I don't think anybody in our\nfamily has ever lived that long."}, {'start': '172.313', 'end': '178.563', 'text': 'See, my dad was diagnosed with dementia\na few weeks before his 90th birthday.'}, {'start': '180.633', 'end': '182.733', 'text': 'I feel very blessed about that.'}, {'start': '185.463', 'end': '186.173', 'text': 'Just'}, {'start': '189.153', 'end': '199.233', 'text': 'a year before, we lost my younger\nand only sister in October of 2021.'}, {'start': '202.273', 'end': '202.893', 'text': 'Things'}, {'start': '205.173', 'end': '207.483', 'text': 'got a bit muddled for my dad,'}, {'start': '208.183', 'end': '213.443', 'text': 'in this last year, things\nhave really changed.'}, {'start': '215.683', 'end': '216.523', 'text': 'Dad.'}, {'start': '217.623', 'end': '218.323', 'text': 'Now.'}, {'start': '219.528', 'end': '224.968', 'text': 'He has such a short term memory\nthat he often asks a question,'}, {'start': '225.498', 'end': '230.368', 'text': "and before I finish the answer,\nhe's asking the question again."}, {'start': '232.798', 'end': '238.068', 'text': 'We got to a point where he\nwould phone a few times a week'}, {'start': '238.798', 'end': '240.428', 'text': 'to ask where my mother was.'}, {'start': '242.003', 'end': '250.723', 'text': "My mother died in 2012, and although\ndeep in dementia, they say it's cruel"}, {'start': '250.723', 'end': '257.473', 'text': "to make people remember, he wasn't\nfar enough gone for me to lie to him."}, {'start': '258.333', 'end': '266.593', 'text': 'I wanted to maintain the trust that we\nhad because I absolutely adore my father.'}, {'start': '270.993', 'end': '277.683', 'text': 'I have to say, I am somebody\nwho has absolutely no patience.'}, {'start': '278.253', 'end': '284.403', 'text': 'Okay, I know the universe is always\ntrying to teach me to have patience.'}, {'start': '286.333', 'end': '293.853', 'text': 'And the funny thing is, for my dad,\nI have all the patience in the world.'}, {'start': '295.633', 'end': '301.343', 'text': "See, he's my hero, and yes, I\nknow I say that in present tense."}, {'start': '302.593', 'end': '304.343', 'text': 'He was such a good man.'}, {'start': '305.633', 'end': '309.153', 'text': 'He adored my mother from\nthe very day he met her.'}, {'start': '311.283', 'end': '315.873', 'text': 'My sister and I grew up watching\nthis incredible love affair.'}, {'start': '316.993', 'end': '319.783', 'text': 'And we saw all the good things.'}, {'start': '320.903', 'end': '326.363', 'text': 'That a man can do and say\nfor the love of his life.'}, {'start': '328.753', 'end': '335.043', 'text': 'Sometimes people say, children will\ncement a marriage and they need the'}, {'start': '335.043', 'end': '337.483', 'text': 'children to keep things together.'}, {'start': '337.983', 'end': '339.123', 'text': "We weren't needed."}, {'start': '339.333', 'end': '343.103', 'text': 'We were a bonus and felt very loved.'}, {'start': '344.973', 'end': '353.123', 'text': 'Yet, we saw every single day\nthis incredible love affair.'}, {'start': '354.503', 'end': '356.183', 'text': 'My mom and my dad,'}, {'start': '359.343', 'end': '368.493', 'text': 'and it made a great impression, but\nsadly, for my sister and I, it meant that'}, {'start': '368.523', 'end': '375.183', 'text': 'we had insanely high expectations for\nanybody we went into a relationship with.'}, {'start': '375.683', 'end': '377.933', 'text': 'Dad wrote poetry to my mom.'}, {'start': '378.843', 'end': '383.843', 'text': 'He bought her gifts for\nevery and any occasion,'}, {'start': '385.963', 'end': '391.103', 'text': 'and he was sent off to Aden, Saudi Arabia.'}, {'start': '391.658', 'end': '393.818', 'text': 'Two weeks after they met.'}, {'start': '394.318', 'end': '400.218', 'text': 'He wrote to my mother\nevery day for 13 months.'}, {'start': '402.008', 'end': '405.058', 'text': 'When he returned, they\nbegan to plan their wedding.'}, {'start': '407.168', 'end': '411.168', 'text': 'And when I was only a few\nyears old, my father and mother'}, {'start': '411.188', 'end': '413.128', 'text': 'chose to emigrate to Canada.'}, {'start': '414.618', 'end': '423.158', 'text': 'Now, I just have to say here, for\nthe record, Nobody consulted me, and'}, {'start': '423.208', 'end': '425.178', 'text': 'some of me is still a bit miffed.'}, {'start': '425.668', 'end': '427.928', 'text': 'See, my heart will\nforever be in Edinburgh.'}, {'start': '430.618', 'end': '436.588', 'text': 'My parents, they gave up all\ntheir material belongings.'}, {'start': '437.428', 'end': '444.138', 'text': 'Instead, using those funds to bring\nmy gran and my aunt with us to Canada.'}, {'start': '446.518', 'end': '451.898', 'text': "Because the one thing I've been\ntaught my whole life is family"}, {'start': '452.368', 'end': '454.418', 'text': 'is the most important thing.'}, {'start': '456.263', 'end': '458.403', 'text': 'My whole life was lived by that principle.'}, {'start': '459.413', 'end': '462.753', 'text': 'It meant that my father,'}, {'start': '465.243', 'end': '473.553', 'text': 'when he got older, had only one wish, and\nhe repeated it a lot after my mom died.'}, {'start': '474.613', 'end': '480.113', 'text': 'He would stay in the house he and my\nmother had bought, and he was only'}, {'start': '480.113', 'end': '483.553', 'text': 'leaving, in his words, boots up.'}, {'start': '486.703', 'end': '494.593', 'text': 'My job, as the now only\nchild, was to honor that wish.'}, {'start': '495.243', 'end': '496.463', 'text': 'Whatever it took.'}, {'start': '498.353', 'end': '504.313', 'text': "And I am proud to say that's exactly\nwhat I did with the help of my"}, {'start': '504.313', 'end': '507.153', 'text': 'husband and my son and my nephew.'}, {'start': '510.943', 'end': '511.623', 'text': 'Now,'}, {'start': '513.963', 'end': '515.063', 'text': 'we are in stasis.'}, {'start': '517.933', 'end': '526.003', 'text': 'Several factors have come into\nplay that require time and waiting.'}, {'start': '527.543', 'end': '531.743', 'text': 'And I must also honour this\nlack of forward motion.'}, {'start': '534.583', 'end': '538.183', 'text': "This is how I'll honour\nmy father while we wait."}, {'start': '539.428', 'end': '541.338', 'text': 'I am not good at waiting.'}, {'start': '543.008', 'end': '548.848', 'text': 'Not for much, and it seems I pass\nthat on to my daughter and her kids.'}, {'start': '550.248', 'end': '554.188', 'text': 'Not wanting to wait for holidays,\nbirthdays, Christmas, etc.'}, {'start': '555.568', 'end': '557.128', 'text': "It's taken to the extreme."}, {'start': '558.938', 'end': '563.088', 'text': 'One year, she had us celebrate\nChristmas on December 3rd.'}, {'start': '564.818', 'end': '566.038', 'text': 'But I digress.'}, {'start': '568.548', 'end': '572.298', 'text': 'My father died on Sunday, March the 9th.'}, {'start': '573.668', 'end': '575.418', 'text': 'In the wee hours of the morning,'}, {'start': '577.908', 'end': '584.098', 'text': "being the only child left, and it feels\nso weird to call myself a child, I'm"}, {'start': '584.158', 'end': '587.648', 'text': '69 years old, yet that is the fact.'}, {'start': '588.648', 'end': '590.448', 'text': 'I am the only child.'}, {'start': '595.038', 'end': '601.358', 'text': 'We spent the day from that morning,\nhubby and I, mostly waiting.'}, {'start': '603.818', 'end': '606.088', 'text': 'First, waiting for the doctor.'}, {'start': '606.688', 'end': '610.238', 'text': 'to call back so he could\ncome and pronounce my dad.'}, {'start': '611.708', 'end': '617.588', 'text': 'The doctor was with the palliative\ncare team and could not have'}, {'start': '617.628', 'end': '619.898', 'text': 'been a nicer human being.'}, {'start': '622.478', 'end': '625.268', 'text': 'We were also waiting for the priest.'}, {'start': '627.048', 'end': '631.138', 'text': 'My father converted to\nCatholicism in 1953.'}, {'start': '632.733', 'end': '639.473', 'text': 'Not as people presumed in order to\nmarry my Scots Irish Catholic mother.'}, {'start': '640.413', 'end': '645.073', 'text': 'He actually converted because he wanted\nto become a Catholic since he was a boy.'}, {'start': '646.283', 'end': '649.383', 'text': 'My gran, his mum, was Catholic.'}, {'start': '650.573', 'end': '654.113', 'text': 'But she married my Church\nof Scotland granddad.'}, {'start': '655.973', 'end': '660.493', 'text': "And I don't know if she ever\ngot to practice religion openly."}, {'start': '661.933', 'end': '667.293', 'text': 'My grandfather, I learned later\nin life, was banished from the'}, {'start': '667.293', 'end': '670.993', 'text': 'family home for this offense.'}, {'start': '672.533', 'end': '678.713', 'text': 'Religion to this day is, can\nbe, still a great divide.'}, {'start': '681.533', 'end': '686.853', 'text': 'Now my father is the\nepitome of a model Catholic.'}, {'start': '687.353', 'end': '690.703', 'text': 'They say that sometimes happens\nwith people who convert.'}, {'start': '694.668', 'end': '702.648', 'text': 'When my father and mother returned\nto Ottawa at the end of the 70s, they'}, {'start': '702.648', 'end': '704.858', 'text': 'had been posted to London, England.'}, {'start': '705.768', 'end': '710.028', 'text': 'They settled in East End\nin a place called Orleans.'}, {'start': '711.263', 'end': '717.783', 'text': "The new development area didn't have a\nparish of their own, not an English one,"}, {'start': '718.693', 'end': '727.693', 'text': 'and my father joined the committee that\nbuilt the church and the school in what'}, {'start': '727.693', 'end': '731.403', 'text': 'was now called New Divine Infant Parish.'}, {'start': '733.733', 'end': '739.833', 'text': 'One of the most important things\nto my dad was that he found it'}, {'start': '739.833', 'end': '743.203', 'text': 'essential that he get last rites.'}, {'start': '747.723', 'end': '750.233', 'text': 'That was why we waited for the priest.'}, {'start': '752.123', 'end': '757.223', 'text': "I have to tell you, waiting's\nsuch a thing with me."}, {'start': '757.503', 'end': '766.723', 'text': 'In 2012, when my mom died, it was\nvery sudden, and we were not ready.'}, {'start': '769.123', 'end': '776.653', 'text': 'And I ended up, because it was so\nimportant to my father that my mom get'}, {'start': '776.653', 'end': '782.443', 'text': 'last rites, I actually sent two people\nto the church to kidnap a priest.'}, {'start': '783.413', 'end': '785.073', 'text': "That's a story for another day."}, {'start': '788.913', 'end': '794.743', 'text': 'Waiting, again, we were waiting for the\nfuneral home to come and pick up my dad.'}, {'start': '794.744', 'end': '795.313', 'text': 'The'}, {'start': '797.593', 'end': '804.653', 'text': 'young men that came, eventually,\nwere very kind and considerate, and'}, {'start': '804.653', 'end': '809.113', 'text': 'one of them saw a Legion photo and\nasked if my father was military.'}, {'start': '811.733', 'end': '819.463', 'text': 'When we told them yes, they made a point\nof going out to get a Canadian flag'}, {'start': '820.713', 'end': '826.713', 'text': 'and his stretcher was draped with the\nflag on the trip to the funeral home.'}, {'start': '829.733', 'end': '835.093', 'text': 'Which has become now for\nus a marathon of waiting.'}, {'start': '835.643', 'end': '839.623', 'text': 'I was also waiting for a\nreturn message from my nephew.'}, {'start': '841.238', 'end': '844.238', 'text': 'He was on vacation with\nhis family in Mexico.'}, {'start': '845.848', 'end': '851.698', 'text': "I told him to go, but I was loathe\nto contact him as I didn't want"}, {'start': '851.708', 'end': '853.318', 'text': 'to interrupt their vacation.'}, {'start': '854.958', 'end': '859.338', 'text': "I didn't want to leave my nephew,\nhis wife, and their young teens"}, {'start': '859.758', 'end': '862.388', 'text': 'with a lasting dread of happy times.'}, {'start': '863.858', 'end': '867.528', 'text': 'I wanted to give them the joy\nof vacation and wait to break'}, {'start': '867.528', 'end': '869.138', 'text': 'the news until they came back.'}, {'start': '870.548', 'end': '872.308', 'text': 'There was nothing that they could do.'}, {'start': '873.278', 'end': '875.998', 'text': "that couldn't wait until\nthe following weekend."}, {'start': '878.818', 'end': '881.738', 'text': "Sadly, my son didn't wait."}, {'start': '883.118', 'end': '888.208', 'text': 'He and my nephew had already\ndiscussed this possibility.'}, {'start': '889.948', 'end': '894.348', 'text': "And as this wasn't the first time\nwe lost someone in the family, while"}, {'start': '894.358', 'end': '900.328', 'text': 'one or both of them were unavailable,\nmy son called and told him.'}, {'start': '904.078', 'end': '906.568', 'text': 'Time seemed to stand still.'}, {'start': '908.018', 'end': '914.318', 'text': "When I spoke with my nephew, we agreed\nthat he wasn't going to tell the kids."}, {'start': '915.273', 'end': '916.643', 'text': 'Until they returned,'}, {'start': '918.763', 'end': '921.943', 'text': 'which was only a week away.'}, {'start': '923.563', 'end': '928.473', 'text': 'Better for them to enjoy their vacation\nand not associate it with the loss'}, {'start': '928.473', 'end': '929.903', 'text': 'of their darling great grandfather.'}, {'start': '931.933', 'end': '934.323', 'text': 'All the grandkids called him GGD.'}, {'start': '937.793', 'end': '939.963', 'text': 'Time seemed to stand still'}, {'start': '942.053', 'end': '943.123', 'text': 'while we waited.'}, {'start': '946.193', 'end': '955.683', 'text': "We left my dad's finally to come\nback to our home at 8 in the evening."}, {'start': '957.673', 'end': '959.973', 'text': 'We basically came home to wait.'}, {'start': '963.193', 'end': '969.453', 'text': 'While waiting, I started to go through\nthe photos, and I brought home the one'}, {'start': '969.493', 'end': '974.113', 'text': 'pet of whom my father was very proud.'}, {'start': '977.313', 'end': '981.763', 'text': "I'm really excited, actually,\nto introduce you to Earl."}, {'start': '983.093', 'end': '985.093', 'text': "Earl is my dad's cat."}, {'start': '987.203', 'end': '991.393', 'text': 'Now, Earl came into our lives in 1985.'}, {'start': '992.393', 'end': '994.823', 'text': 'In fact, I bought him for my dad.'}, {'start': '995.548', 'end': '996.418', 'text': 'for Christmas.'}, {'start': '998.428', 'end': '999.158', 'text': "He's dead."}, {'start': '999.658', 'end': '1001.128', 'text': "I'm talking about Earl."}, {'start': '1002.768', 'end': '1005.668', 'text': 'Earl is the dead cat.'}, {'start': '1008.498', 'end': '1011.798', 'text': 'Earl actually came with papers.'}, {'start': '1013.058', 'end': '1017.608', 'text': 'He came with an information booklet'}, {'start': '1020.468', 'end': '1021.868', 'text': 'and a death certificate.'}, {'start': '1023.698', 'end': '1029.378', 'text': "Now I realize in all good conscience, I\ncan't leave that sentence hanging here."}, {'start': '1030.868', 'end': '1035.518', 'text': 'Yet, let me go back to the beginning\nand explain things a little bit.'}, {'start': '1037.208', 'end': '1046.078', 'text': 'Our family has a long history of giving\nodd gifts, gags, and always going for'}, {'start': '1046.078', 'end': '1052.548', 'text': "the laugh, the punny line, the old joke,\nbeating the horse long after it's gone."}, {'start': '1053.498', 'end': '1055.528', 'text': 'It actually started with my Aunt Kathleen.'}, {'start': '1057.178', 'end': '1058.418', 'text': 'She was my godmother.'}, {'start': '1059.608', 'end': '1064.518', 'text': 'And she often said, when I was a\nkid, that I would turn into an olive.'}, {'start': '1065.568', 'end': '1069.098', 'text': 'Because I was forever in\nthe fridge grabbing olives.'}, {'start': '1070.778', 'end': '1075.848', 'text': 'By age seven, I would get a jar of\nolives in my stocking every Christmas.'}, {'start': '1076.838', 'end': '1081.258', 'text': "My father would get a magazine\nthat we weren't allowed to look at."}, {'start': '1082.448', 'end': '1087.658', 'text': 'And it was tsk tsked by the other adults.'}, {'start': '1088.348', 'end': '1092.628', 'text': 'And they were always laughing in\nkind of a weirdly embarrassed way.'}, {'start': '1093.528', 'end': '1096.348', 'text': 'My father always looked\ntotally embarrassed.'}, {'start': '1098.323', 'end': '1104.913', 'text': 'But it was all in good fun, and my\nmom would get some odd frilly oven'}, {'start': '1104.913', 'end': '1109.983', 'text': 'gloves or a spatula with eyeglasses\nor some other such nonsense.'}, {'start': '1112.083', 'end': '1114.363', 'text': 'And it was just good, clean fun.'}, {'start': '1115.743', 'end': '1119.193', 'text': 'By the time I was 12, I\nwanted in on the action.'}, {'start': '1120.673', 'end': '1126.383', 'text': 'From a mink stole made for\na Barbie, to silly hats, odd'}, {'start': '1126.383', 'end': '1130.083', 'text': 'socks, kinds of weird things.'}, {'start': '1133.273', 'end': '1137.003', 'text': 'A number of years, the little\nsilly gifts and olives continued.'}, {'start': '1139.793', 'end': '1146.563', 'text': 'In March of 1976, I was already\nmarried and out of the house.'}, {'start': '1147.848', 'end': '1154.368', 'text': 'And my father was sent off on\na peacekeeping mission in Gaza.'}, {'start': '1156.728', 'end': '1158.588', 'text': 'I had my accident.'}, {'start': '1161.158', 'end': '1167.148', 'text': 'And my poor father had to wait by\nthe ham radio for three full days.'}, {'start': '1168.388', 'end': '1171.858', 'text': "As they promised, the minute\nI died, they'd put him on"}, {'start': '1171.858', 'end': '1173.718', 'text': 'a transport back to Canada.'}, {'start': '1176.988', 'end': '1181.538', 'text': "I can't imagine having to wait,\nbut I was no longer Dependent."}, {'start': '1182.218', 'end': '1184.318', 'text': "And that's how they do it in the military."}, {'start': '1186.018', 'end': '1192.078', 'text': 'Later that year, when my father finished\nhis tours, he was transferred to London,'}, {'start': '1192.088', 'end': '1199.318', 'text': 'England, where he, my mom, and my sister\nstayed for more than three Christmases.'}, {'start': '1201.188', 'end': '1202.388', 'text': 'We spent them apart.'}, {'start': '1203.568', 'end': '1205.248', 'text': 'We fell off the joke wagon.'}, {'start': '1207.678', 'end': '1210.900', 'text': 'That is, until they came back to Canada.'}, {'start': '1210.900', 'end': '1212.328', 'text': 'Late in 1979.'}, {'start': '1217.408', 'end': '1220.648', 'text': 'Only two weeks after they came back.'}, {'start': '1221.738', 'end': '1228.658', 'text': "My godmother, aunt Kathleen,\nmy mother's only sister, died"}, {'start': '1228.658', 'end': '1230.818', 'text': 'on holiday in Pennsylvania.'}, {'start': '1232.898', 'end': '1239.018', 'text': 'My father immediately got on a\nplane to repatriate her body and'}, {'start': '1239.018', 'end': '1241.298', 'text': 'returned my grandmother to Canada.'}, {'start': '1243.748', 'end': '1248.938', 'text': 'My mother was totally devastated\nfor Christmas that year.'}, {'start': '1249.818', 'end': '1256.378', 'text': 'I decided to restart the goofy gift\ntradition, to try and cheer up my mom.'}, {'start': '1258.238', 'end': '1263.658', 'text': "Although I don't know how much it would\ncheer up my mother, I don't know that she"}, {'start': '1263.658', 'end': '1265.948', 'text': 'ever really loved the silly gift thing.'}, {'start': '1267.338', 'end': '1271.198', 'text': 'My father, who of course adored\nmy mother, and worked each'}, {'start': '1271.198', 'end': '1273.063', 'text': 'day to try and make her happy.'}, {'start': '1273.863', 'end': '1277.953', 'text': 'I guess he, too, thought the\ntradition required reinstatement.'}, {'start': '1279.383', 'end': '1281.113', 'text': 'I got olives in my stocking.'}, {'start': '1281.323', 'end': '1281.943', 'text': 'Thank you, Dad.'}, {'start': '1283.183', 'end': '1287.933', 'text': 'And that was the year I bought\nmy parents a 39 foot yacht.'}, {'start': '1290.053', 'end': '1292.913', 'text': "Now, I didn't win the lottery."}, {'start': '1294.403', 'end': '1301.033', 'text': 'Think of a little plastic yacht,\nabout 10 inches long, and it had'}, {'start': '1301.043', 'end': '1305.023', 'text': '39 plastic bare feet underneath.'}, {'start': '1306.963', 'end': '1308.633', 'text': 'I thought it hilarious.'}, {'start': '1308.923', 'end': '1310.513', 'text': 'Actually, the whole family did.'}, {'start': '1312.083', 'end': '1317.353', 'text': 'I had always said I wanted to, do\nthings for the family, and this was'}, {'start': '1317.423', 'end': '1321.863', 'text': 'my idea of a joke about doing things.'}, {'start': '1323.743', 'end': '1325.933', 'text': 'For the next few years, I mixed it up.'}, {'start': '1326.233', 'end': '1331.853', 'text': 'One year, my mother and father came\nhome from a summer vacation to a'}, {'start': '1331.863', 'end': '1334.323', 'text': 'full cemetery in the front yard.'}, {'start': '1335.673', 'end': '1341.143', 'text': 'I had made headstones painted\ncardboard, and They said things'}, {'start': '1341.143', 'end': '1343.583', 'text': 'like, Here lies dear old Fred.'}, {'start': '1343.733', 'end': '1345.863', 'text': 'A great big rock fell on his head.'}, {'start': '1347.163', 'end': '1352.203', 'text': 'There was one that said,\nR. I. P. Old Ma Walker.'}, {'start': '1352.593', 'end': '1354.323', 'text': 'Non stop talker.'}, {'start': '1354.473', 'end': '1355.783', 'text': 'Ran out of breath.'}, {'start': '1356.483', 'end': '1357.743', 'text': 'Talked herself to death.'}, {'start': '1360.453', 'end': '1363.243', 'text': 'Another was, Here lies Johnny Yeast.'}, {'start': '1364.073', 'end': '1366.193', 'text': 'Pardon me for not rising.'}, {'start': '1367.113', 'end': '1368.458', 'text': "I still think they're funny."}, {'start': '1369.178', 'end': '1373.008', 'text': 'And my fave was Pastor Prime.'}, {'start': '1376.638', 'end': '1377.088', 'text': 'Now,'}, {'start': '1379.168', 'end': '1382.158', 'text': 'a couple years later, after an\nincident with my brother in law'}, {'start': '1382.188', 'end': '1385.658', 'text': 'and peas, I absolutely hate peas.'}, {'start': '1386.358', 'end': '1389.408', 'text': 'I thought my mother or father\nhad put one on my plate.'}, {'start': '1390.328', 'end': '1393.358', 'text': 'And when my mother finally\nsat down to dinner with the'}, {'start': '1393.358', 'end': '1396.048', 'text': 'rest of us, I threw it at her.'}, {'start': '1396.548', 'end': '1401.808', 'text': "Yeah, I know that's not a really\nadult thing to do, but I am who I am."}, {'start': '1404.198', 'end': '1405.548', 'text': 'We finally worked it out.'}, {'start': '1406.088', 'end': '1408.848', 'text': 'And next Christmas, guess what?'}, {'start': '1409.458', 'end': '1411.108', 'text': 'Can of peas in my stocking.'}, {'start': '1411.718', 'end': '1413.418', 'text': 'Still got my olives, though.'}, {'start': '1414.178', 'end': '1414.908', 'text': 'Which was great.'}, {'start': '1416.738', 'end': '1425.908', 'text': 'I think by now you get the bent of where\nwe are on the weird humor spectrum.'}, {'start': '1426.308', 'end': '1427.998', 'text': "So let's get back to Earl."}, {'start': '1429.958', 'end': '1436.758', 'text': 'My father grew up in a rather\npoor area of Edinburgh.'}, {'start': '1438.068', 'end': '1440.928', 'text': 'It was called Lower View Craig Row.'}, {'start': '1441.618', 'end': '1443.898', 'text': 'Now, not the posh area.'}, {'start': '1444.698', 'end': '1446.048', 'text': 'Not glamorous.'}, {'start': '1446.883', 'end': '1453.623', 'text': 'It was actually known as the slums,\nin an area known as the dummy dykes,'}, {'start': '1454.353', 'end': '1458.873', 'text': 'and it was near Hollywood Palace,\nand the park, Hollywood Park.'}, {'start': '1460.333', 'end': '1461.303', 'text': 'There were cats.'}, {'start': '1462.583', 'end': '1466.223', 'text': 'Lots of people had cats.'}, {'start': '1467.333', 'end': '1469.573', 'text': "They were the working\nkind, they weren't pets."}, {'start': '1470.923', 'end': '1475.742', 'text': 'And my whole life, my father never\nunderstood anybody having a pet cat.'}, {'start': '1475.742', 'end': '1481.032', 'text': 'He believed they were working animals\nthat kept the vermin population down.'}, {'start': '1481.032', 'end': '1481.473', 'text': 'Ew.'}, {'start': '1484.613', 'end': '1488.403', 'text': "In all honesty, we didn't\nhave vermin here in Canada."}, {'start': '1490.033', 'end': '1494.173', 'text': 'And I so very much wanted\na pet when I was a kid.'}, {'start': '1497.353', 'end': '1501.203', 'text': 'In my mid teens, I did\nfinally get a rabbit.'}, {'start': '1501.833', 'end': '1503.033', 'text': 'My dad really liked him.'}, {'start': '1503.063', 'end': '1505.333', 'text': 'He was smart and he came\nwhen you called him.'}, {'start': '1507.473', 'end': '1508.933', 'text': "But it's not the same."}, {'start': '1511.963', 'end': '1512.463', 'text': 'Anyway,'}, {'start': '1515.873', 'end': '1516.523', 'text': 'I'}, {'start': '1519.183', 'end': '1522.433', 'text': 'was finished all my shopping, pretty much.'}, {'start': '1523.233', 'end': '1528.153', 'text': "And I was in an area downtown\nthat's called the Byward Market."}, {'start': '1529.588', 'end': '1535.018', 'text': 'Back when we first came to Canada, it was\na lovely bustling little outdoor market.'}, {'start': '1535.488', 'end': '1539.829', 'text': 'There were butchers and bakers\nand utilitarian clothiers And'}, {'start': '1539.829', 'end': '1544.519', 'text': 'a few bars and lots of stalls\nselling fruit and vegetables and,'}, {'start': '1544.899', 'end': '1547.679', 'text': 'in the spring, fresh maple syrup.'}, {'start': '1548.649', 'end': '1554.229', 'text': 'They had all forms, from little\nshaped houses made of boiled syrup'}, {'start': '1554.729', 'end': '1557.049', 'text': 'to jugs of the sweet amber liquid.'}, {'start': '1558.849', 'end': '1562.139', 'text': 'Funny thing is, I never\nreally liked the maple flavor.'}, {'start': '1562.899', 'end': '1566.499', 'text': 'Although getting a tiny sheep\nthat was sweet, that you could'}, {'start': '1566.499', 'end': '1568.069', 'text': 'just suck on all day was neat.'}, {'start': '1569.899', 'end': '1576.009', 'text': 'In my 20s, the Byward Market had\nlots of lovely boutiques, little'}, {'start': '1576.029', 'end': '1583.099', 'text': 'boutiques and specialty shops along\nthe streets on the outside of the'}, {'start': '1583.099', 'end': '1585.259', 'text': 'main area where the market mall.'}, {'start': '1585.574', 'end': '1587.214', 'text': 'Or the market stalls were.'}, {'start': '1589.084', 'end': '1593.524', 'text': 'And one of those little boutiques\nwas a place called the Pepper Pot.'}, {'start': '1595.354', 'end': '1598.704', 'text': 'So I was with a couple of\nfriends and basically finished'}, {'start': '1598.704', 'end': '1600.024', 'text': 'with my Christmas shopping.'}, {'start': '1600.884', 'end': '1607.564', 'text': 'We were just wandering through some of\nthe boutiques when I spied this flat,'}, {'start': '1607.894', 'end': '1617.639', 'text': 'splayed out form of the most amazing\nAnd best, in my mind, gag gift ever.'}, {'start': '1618.999', 'end': '1620.689', 'text': 'This was Earl.'}, {'start': '1622.389', 'end': '1627.109', 'text': 'He had papers attached that\nsaid, Earl, the dead cat.'}, {'start': '1628.149', 'end': '1634.239', 'text': "And on the papers, there was a tagline\nthat said, The last cat you'll ever need."}, {'start': '1634.739', 'end': '1637.709', 'text': 'He just screamed a present for my dad.'}, {'start': '1640.339', 'end': '1643.494', 'text': 'He came with an actual Death Certificate.'}, {'start': '1646.194', 'end': '1654.954', 'text': 'It says, Certificate of Death, Keddieville\nDepartment of Health, Division of'}, {'start': '1655.114', 'end': '1658.044', 'text': 'Vital Records and Health Statistics.'}, {'start': '1659.794', 'end': '1664.044', 'text': 'And his is Certificate Number 429.'}, {'start': '1665.504', 'end': '1670.614', 'text': 'His full name of the deceased,\nit says, is Earl the Dead Cat.'}, {'start': '1672.184', 'end': '1673.644', 'text': 'Sex is neutered.'}, {'start': '1675.569', 'end': '1681.689', 'text': 'It says his race is gray,\ndate of death was August 13th,'}, {'start': '1681.789', 'end': '1686.879', 'text': '1985, and his age was unknown.'}, {'start': '1689.719', 'end': '1695.109', 'text': "Name of the hospital of death, I don't\nthink I've ever seen that before."}, {'start': '1696.039', 'end': '1701.049', 'text': "It's the Kittyville Cat\nClinic, all spelt with K's."}, {'start': '1702.209', 'end': '1707.899', 'text': 'And the name of father of deceased\nis Horace, in brackets, Alley Cat.'}, {'start': '1709.549', 'end': '1713.639', 'text': 'His birthplace is in\nthe Catskill Mountain.'}, {'start': '1715.849', 'end': '1723.619', 'text': "Mother's maiden name is Martha\nManx and his usual occupation"}, {'start': '1724.269', 'end': '1728.318', 'text': 'is itinerant caterwaller.'}, {'start': '1730.799', 'end': '1735.789', 'text': 'The kind of business he was\ninto was alley entertainment.'}, {'start': '1737.589', 'end': '1745.159', 'text': 'And the source of information on the death\ncertificate came from Cornelius Calico.'}, {'start': '1747.249', 'end': '1751.569', 'text': 'And then it says, cause\nof death, immediate cause.'}, {'start': '1752.194', 'end': '1763.614', 'text': 'loss of ninth life due to catatonia and\ndue to that was due to catting around'}, {'start': '1765.704', 'end': '1769.334', 'text': 'other significant conditions\ncontributing to death.'}, {'start': '1770.519', 'end': '1773.989', 'text': 'being let out of the bag.'}, {'start': '1776.619', 'end': '1781.179', 'text': 'Describe how injury\nrelating to death occurred.'}, {'start': '1781.189', 'end': '1787.699', 'text': 'He said he was catapulted\nfrom catwalk by projectile.'}, {'start': '1788.709', 'end': '1790.619', 'text': 'In brackets, old shoe.'}, {'start': '1792.369', 'end': '1798.029', 'text': 'Injury occurred while\nsinging melon catty baby.'}, {'start': '1799.134', 'end': '1805.914', 'text': "And the place of injury was Katrina's\nCat on a Hot Tin Roof Alley Café."}, {'start': '1809.324', 'end': '1817.274', 'text': 'Place of removal, Eternal Catnap\nMemorial Chapel and Chinese Takeout.'}, {'start': '1817.594', 'end': '1821.884', 'text': 'Remember, this was 1985, not\nnecessarily politically correct.'}, {'start': '1822.874', 'end': '1829.354', 'text': 'To the best of my knowledge,\ndeath occurred at 2 AM, it says.'}, {'start': '1831.169', 'end': '1835.789', 'text': 'And the signature of attending\nphysician is mad dog.'}, {'start': '1837.579', 'end': '1842.039', 'text': 'This was certified by\nthe city of Kittyville.'}, {'start': '1843.479', 'end': '1847.049', 'text': 'Somebody put a lot of thought\ninto the certificate of death.'}, {'start': '1849.559', 'end': '1856.619', 'text': 'And On the rest of the little\npaperwork that came with him, there is,'}, {'start': '1858.709', 'end': '1863.229', 'text': "it's not a poem, it's just a lot\nof little, what the cat does,"}, {'start': '1863.399', 'end': '1865.359', 'text': "rather, what the cat doesn't do."}, {'start': '1866.299', 'end': '1870.889', 'text': "He doesn't eat smelly cat food, he\ndoesn't need a messy litter box, he"}, {'start': '1870.889', 'end': '1877.124', 'text': "doesn't shed, go into heat, or chase\ncats that are, He doesn't wander"}, {'start': '1877.174', 'end': '1880.514', 'text': 'off, so you always know where he is.'}, {'start': '1881.004', 'end': '1886.344', 'text': "He doesn't have to be put out\nat night or let back in at 4."}, {'start': '1886.344', 'end': '1886.513', 'text': '32am.'}, {'start': '1886.894', 'end': '1891.764', 'text': "Doesn't climb the draperies or mistake\nthe sofa for a scratching post."}, {'start': '1892.324', 'end': '1897.304', 'text': "There's a whole bunch of other ones\nthat I will make sure are below with the"}, {'start': '1897.344', 'end': '1899.304', 'text': "transcripts, cause they're pretty funny."}, {'start': '1900.924', 'end': '1906.944', 'text': 'The whole thing was just Such a total gag.'}, {'start': '1907.904', 'end': '1914.764', 'text': 'Now, bear with me here, because\nI was excited for my dad to'}, {'start': '1914.764', 'end': '1916.664', 'text': 'get this and find it funny.'}, {'start': '1918.374', 'end': '1927.154', 'text': 'Never in my wildest dreams did\nI think that Earl would live a'}, {'start': '1927.154', 'end': '1929.164', 'text': 'better life than some people.'}, {'start': '1931.164', 'end': '1933.934', 'text': 'Earl is very well traveled.'}, {'start': '1934.974', 'end': '1936.614', 'text': 'Earl has been to Mallorca.'}, {'start': '1937.589', 'end': '1943.079', 'text': "He's been to London, Edinburgh,\nCalifornia, Florida, Victoria and"}, {'start': '1943.079', 'end': '1950.799', 'text': 'Vancouver, not to mention Calgary,\nNewfoundland, Nova Scotia, and a'}, {'start': '1950.799', 'end': '1953.769', 'text': 'number of other northern states.'}, {'start': '1956.604', 'end': '1962.634', 'text': "He's been to Germany as\nwell, and we believe France."}, {'start': '1965.984', 'end': '1974.904', 'text': 'And here we are now in 2025, and\nit is truly the end of an era.'}, {'start': '1976.304', 'end': '1987.049', 'text': 'All of the parents, In my parents,\nor all of the people in my parents'}, {'start': '1987.079', 'end': '1991.499', 'text': 'group, many of them were Scottish.'}, {'start': '1991.589', 'end': '1995.959', 'text': "Many of them became family of\nchoice because we didn't have"}, {'start': '1995.959', 'end': '1997.869', 'text': 'a lot of family here in Canada.'}, {'start': '1999.019', 'end': '2002.059', 'text': 'But we call them the party people.'}, {'start': '2002.479', 'end': '2008.099', 'text': 'They love to sing and dance and\nplay all kinds of silly games.'}, {'start': '2009.529', 'end': '2011.289', 'text': "They've all passed."}, {'start': '2013.199', 'end': '2015.009', 'text': 'My father was the last.'}, {'start': '2015.074', 'end': '2016.803', 'text': 'All'}, {'start': '2019.664', 'end': '2022.294', 'text': 'I have left is Earl.'}, {'start': '2024.704', 'end': '2031.314', 'text': "He's gonna hang around our house\non the hearth near the fireplace,"}, {'start': '2032.704', 'end': '2037.054', 'text': 'ready to inspire a story for\nthe next guest who visits.'}, {'start': '2038.804', 'end': '2043.864', 'text': "He's ready to gift me with another\nstroll down memory lane with all"}, {'start': '2043.864', 'end': '2048.964', 'text': 'the chuckles, the giggles, and the\nadditional stories that seem to pop up'}, {'start': '2049.054', 'end': '2051.264', 'text': 'when Earl is the center of attention.'}, {'start': '2053.844', 'end': '2056.174', 'text': 'Daddy, you may be gone.'}, {'start': '2056.429', 'end': '2062.429', 'text': 'Yet your spirit, your sense of fun,\nand that bent sense of humor, I'}, {'start': '2062.479', 'end': '2069.239', 'text': 'too possess, and it will live on,\nkeeping you ever with me in my heart.'}, {'start': '2071.559', 'end': '2073.959', 'text': 'I thank you for listening to me today,'}, {'start': '2076.109', 'end': '2083.468', 'text': 'and I will of course be taking Earl\nwith us when we bury my father.'}, {'start': '2085.039', 'end': '2087.549', 'text': "He'll be going with a military send off."}, {'start': '2088.999', 'end': '2097.239', 'text': 'He was in both the RAF and the RCAF,\nand also a United Nations peacekeeper.'}, {'start': '2101.339', 'end': '2104.039', 'text': 'A piece of my heart will\ngo with him as well.'}, {'start': '2106.629', 'end': '2109.669', 'text': 'I just want to say thank\nyou for being my dad.'}, {'start': '2111.139', 'end': '2113.779', 'text': 'Thank you for showing me what it is.'}, {'start': '2115.084', 'end': '2116.764', 'text': 'To live life well,'}, {'start': '2119.214', 'end': '2120.294', 'text': 'and what fun is,'}, {'start': '2123.204', 'end': '2124.914', 'text': 'and how to make sure'}, {'start': '2127.024', 'end': '2132.244', 'text': "that there's always laughter in\nyour house, and love in your heart."}, {'start': '2135.374', 'end': '2143.404', 'text': 'And I have to say, I feel incredibly\nblessed to have you as my dad.'}, {'start': '2148.204', 'end': '2150.724', 'text': 'I appreciate you being here today.'}, {'start': '2153.024', 'end': '2159.304', 'text': 'And I want to say, as usual,\nthank you for listening, and may'}, {'start': '2159.374', 'end': '2169.024', 'text': 'you make the most of your today,\nevery day, and I look forward to'}, {'start': '2171.474', 'end': '2174.484', 'text': 'chatting with you again next week.'}, {'start': '2177.094', 'end': '2177.904', 'text': 'Bye for now.'}, {'start': '2182.625', 'end': '2185.675', 'text': 'Thank you for being here for\nanother inspiring episode'}, {'start': '2185.675', 'end': '2187.335', 'text': 'of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.'}, {'start': '2187.365', 'end': '2188.815', 'text': 'We appreciate you tuning in.'}, {'start': '2189.645', 'end': '2194.155', 'text': "Please subscribe and download on your\nfavorite service and check out SZF's"}, {'start': '2194.155', 'end': '2195.825', 'text': 'YouTube channel or Facebook community.'}, {'start': '2196.105', 'end': '2199.025', 'text': 'If you have the chance to leave\na five star rating or review,'}, {'start': '2199.085', 'end': '2200.375', 'text': "it'd be greatly appreciated."}, {'start': '2201.305', 'end': '2204.615', 'text': 'Please refer this to a friend you\nknow who may benefit from the hope'}, {'start': '2204.635', 'end': '2206.805', 'text': 'and inspiration from our guests.'}, {'start': '2207.425', 'end': '2210.975', 'text': 'Suicide Zen Forgiveness was brought\nto you by the following sponsors.'}, {'start': '2211.575', 'end': '2215.045', 'text': 'TROOL Social Media, the digital\nintegration specialists.'}, {'start': '2215.555', 'end': '2218.065', 'text': 'Let them get you rockin page\none in the search results.'}, {'start': '2219.195', 'end': '2223.895', 'text': "Canada's Keynote Humorist, Judy Croon\nMotivational speaker, comedian, author,"}, {'start': '2223.915', 'end': '2225.735', 'text': 'and stand up coach at Second City.'}, {'start': '2225.995', 'end': '2229.085', 'text': 'Judy has been involved for over\na decade in the City Street'}, {'start': '2229.105', 'end': '2230.645', 'text': 'Outreach Program in Toronto.'}, {'start': '2230.885', 'end': '2233.435', 'text': 'The Ultimate Podcasting Pack.'}, {'start': '2234.525', 'end': '2239.735', 'text': "This is great for you if you're\njust starting your podcast, or if"}, {'start': '2239.735', 'end': '2241.085', 'text': "you've been running it for a while."}, {'start': '2241.715', 'end': '2245.835', 'text': "It's filled with tools, templates,\nand trainings for starting, growing,"}, {'start': '2246.085', 'end': '2247.915', 'text': 'and monetizing your podcast.'}, {'start': '2248.880', 'end': '2253.710', 'text': 'Get access to time saving systems\nand strategies for accelerating'}, {'start': '2253.710', 'end': '2255.630', 'text': 'your process at each step.'}, {'start': '2256.330', 'end': '2262.530', 'text': 'Find new connections and collaborations\nin the uplifting podcasting community.'}, {'start': '2263.070', 'end': '2264.600', 'text': 'I look forward to seeing you there.'}, {'start': '2266.420', 'end': '2268.060', 'text': 'Do you have a story to share?'}, {'start': '2268.680', 'end': '2271.450', 'text': 'Do you know someone you\nthink would be a great guest?'}, {'start': '2272.510', 'end': '2274.790', 'text': 'Please go to SZF42.'}, {'start': '2274.800', 'end': '2278.380', 'text': "com and for our American\nlisteners, that's SZF42."}, {'start': '2279.440', 'end': '2279.860', 'text': 'com.'}, {'start': '2280.580', 'end': '2282.990', 'text': 'Thank you for listening and\nwe hope to see you again.'}]