“I Lost My Baby… And Found My Voice” — Kambua on Grief, Faith & Breaking the Silence
Omotara
[{'start': '1.120', 'end': '2.240', 'text': 'Hello, fam.'}, {'start': '2.240', 'end': '7.759', 'text': 'Welcome back to Radiant Living, the space where\nwe get real about purpose, faith healing from'}, {'start': '8.080', 'end': '9.919', 'text': 'fully from the inside out.'}, {'start': '10.080', 'end': '12.080', 'text': "I'm so excited about today's guest."}, {'start': '12.785', 'end': '17.664', 'text': "If you've ever been moved by a song that felt\nlike it was written just for you, chances are"}, {'start': '17.664', 'end': '20.064', 'text': "you've heard it, and it was one of hers."}, {'start': '20.385', 'end': '23.105', 'text': 'Kambua is not just a powerhouse vocalist.'}, {'start': '23.105', 'end': '24.144', 'text': "She's a storyteller."}, {'start': '24.480', 'end': '29.039', 'text': "She's a truth teller and a woman who carries\ngrace and grit in equal measure."}, {'start': '29.279', 'end': '34.320', 'text': "She's lit up our screens and playlist for years\nand through our music and her ministry, she's"}, {'start': '34.320', 'end': '37.920', 'text': 'helped so many people reconnect with God, with\nthemselves, and with hope.'}, {'start': '38.445', 'end': '43.405', 'text': 'I remember listening to Kambuwa sing, you know,\nat our church many years ago and just being'}, {'start': '43.405', 'end': '48.604', 'text': 'blown away by just not not just her skill set,\nbut just the anointing on her voice.'}, {'start': '49.004', 'end': '50.765', 'text': "But today, we're going to go deeper."}, {'start': '51.200', 'end': '57.119', 'text': "We're talking about what it means to hold joy\nand grief in the same hand and about losing and"}, {'start': '57.119', 'end': '62.799', 'text': 'still choosing to live, about the silence\naround infant loss, especially in our African'}, {'start': '62.799', 'end': '67.004', 'text': 'cultures, and how breaking that silence can\nbring healing to others.'}, {'start': '67.405', 'end': '69.165', 'text': "So this isn't just a conversation."}, {'start': '69.165', 'end': '70.844', 'text': "It's a very vulnerable area."}, {'start': '70.844', 'end': '72.045', 'text': "It's heart opening."}, {'start': '72.204', 'end': '76.765', 'text': 'So if you are walking through something hard or\nyou just need a dose of inspiration, I'}, {'start': '76.765', 'end': '77.885', 'text': 'encourage you to lean in.'}, {'start': '78.659', 'end': '81.060', 'text': 'Kambuwa, thank you so much for being here.'}, {'start': '81.060', 'end': '83.620', 'text': "It's such an honor to share this space with\nyou."}, {'start': '83.939', 'end': '85.219', 'text': 'Thank you, Tara.'}, {'start': '85.219', 'end': '86.980', 'text': 'Thank you so much for having me.'}, {'start': '88.020', 'end': '93.155', 'text': 'And I I wanted to say thank you for showing up\nwith vulnerability and with strength because I'}, {'start': '93.155', 'end': '98.915', 'text': 'know the story is something that is very dear\nto you and very, very personal.'}, {'start': '98.915', 'end': '101.314', 'text': 'So I really appreciate you choosing to share\nit.'}, {'start': '102.194', 'end': '107.959', 'text': "So I I wanted to go back to like, let's, you\nknow, start off with your son."}, {'start': '107.959', 'end': '109.719', 'text': 'I know that you had had a stillbirth.'}, {'start': '109.719', 'end': '111.959', 'text': 'Your son had passed away shortly after birth.'}, {'start': '113.079', 'end': '114.920', 'text': 'This was a number of years ago.'}, {'start': '115.079', 'end': '118.840', 'text': 'And if you think back to the version of\nyourself in the days after your son passed,'}, {'start': '119.454', 'end': '125.295', 'text': 'what do you wish somebody had said to you to\nhelp you get through those days of grief?'}, {'start': '125.295', 'end': '132.175', 'text': "I think I wish in that moment, I wish somebody\nhad said to me that it's going to be okay,"}, {'start': '132.175', 'end': '132.974', 'text': 'maybe not now.'}, {'start': '134.520', 'end': '145.159', 'text': 'Because I now was grappling with wanting to\nliterally survive what this storm was but not'}, {'start': '145.159', 'end': '150.224', 'text': 'knowing how long it was going to take for me to\nbe in that place or if that thing, that'}, {'start': '150.224', 'end': '152.705', 'text': 'heaviness, that darkness would ever lift.'}, {'start': '155.025', 'end': '157.264', 'text': 'I did have amazing, amazing support.'}, {'start': '157.664', 'end': '162.544', 'text': 'The only thing is you get a lot of support from\npeople who have not walked the journey.'}, {'start': '162.544', 'end': '167.740', 'text': 'So they are there, but they may not necessarily\nknow exactly what to say to you.'}, {'start': '167.900', 'end': '173.740', 'text': "And I'm grateful, you know, the gift of\npresence is is greatly underrated."}, {'start': '174.139', 'end': '177.500', 'text': 'You know, my family and friends who are there,\nit meant everything for me.'}, {'start': '177.500', 'end': '180.194', 'text': 'They gave me the lifeline that I needed.'}, {'start': '180.194', 'end': '185.555', 'text': 'You know, it was a constant reminder that I\nneed to fight for my life.'}, {'start': '186.594', 'end': '190.834', 'text': 'Having my son Nathaniel, because I have my son\nat the time was two years old.'}, {'start': '192.079', 'end': '196.400', 'text': 'Looking at him, I also, you know, I kept\nthinking I have to survive this.'}, {'start': '196.400', 'end': '201.519', 'text': "I don't know how, but I have to survive this\nbecause he has no idea what's going on and he"}, {'start': '201.519', 'end': '202.639', 'text': 'needs his mama.'}, {'start': '203.120', 'end': '209.905', 'text': 'And, you know, I just think of sometimes some\nof the things we go through as women are just'}, {'start': '209.905', 'end': '210.865', 'text': 'so heavy.'}, {'start': '211.104', 'end': '213.745', 'text': 'On the one hand, your world is falling apart.'}, {'start': '213.745', 'end': '219.139', 'text': "On the other hand, you're still expected to\nshow up fully as a mom, as a wife, as you know,"}, {'start': '219.139', 'end': '220.340', 'text': 'as so many other things.'}, {'start': '220.340', 'end': '225.699', 'text': "So I think for me in that moment, I'd have just\nwanted to know that it will be okay, maybe not"}, {'start': '225.699', 'end': '226.260', 'text': 'now.'}, {'start': '227.939', 'end': '228.259', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '229.314', 'end': '230.034', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '230.034', 'end': '236.514', 'text': 'I can only imagine because in my you know you\nknow that what I the work that I do in Sierra'}, {'start': '236.514', 'end': '236.914', 'text': 'Leone.'}, {'start': '236.914', 'end': '242.354', 'text': "And so I've interacted with many, many women\nwho just in those fresh days after losing a"}, {'start': '242.354', 'end': '242.995', 'text': 'child.'}, {'start': '243.395', 'end': '250.360', 'text': "And and it's complex too, because it's also the\nphysical part of the recovery."}, {'start': '250.439', 'end': '251.000', 'text': 'Right?'}, {'start': '251.479', 'end': '253.479', 'text': "Like, you you've just given birth."}, {'start': '253.479', 'end': '255.319', 'text': "Like, you've literally you've just given birth."}, {'start': '255.319', 'end': '260.814', 'text': "And so there's the complexity is all the things\nthat are going on in your body, but yet you"}, {'start': '260.814', 'end': '262.895', 'text': "don't have a baby to hold, you know?"}, {'start': '263.694', 'end': '265.055', 'text': "There's a lot of yeah."}, {'start': '265.055', 'end': '267.535', 'text': 'Can you can you kinda chat more about that?'}, {'start': '269.615', 'end': '276.520', 'text': 'It was for me, the physical struggle was, you\nknow, it was nothing like I expected.'}, {'start': '277.480', 'end': '281.160', 'text': "As you've said, my body, I had, you know, my\nson was born."}, {'start': '281.160', 'end': '283.960', 'text': 'He stayed with us for two days before he\npassed.'}, {'start': '284.839', 'end': '288.279', 'text': 'My body was ready to take care of a baby.'}, {'start': '288.694', 'end': '297.654', 'text': "I was ready to breastfeed, you know, and so\nwhen there's no baby, where does the milk go?"}, {'start': '297.735', 'end': '301.574', 'text': "How do you tell your body, stop producing milk,\nthere's no baby?"}, {'start': '303.509', 'end': '308.230', 'text': 'It was so difficult trying to heal from a C\nsection without a baby.'}, {'start': '308.709', 'end': '314.949', 'text': 'When I had my first C section, I knew that I\nwas going through this because I had the'}, {'start': '314.949', 'end': '315.509', 'text': 'evidence.'}, {'start': '315.509', 'end': '316.629', 'text': 'Nathaniel was there.'}, {'start': '316.629', 'end': '317.189', 'text': 'I had him.'}, {'start': '317.189', 'end': '321.514', 'text': "I could look at him and see that, okay, I'm in\na lot of pain, this is so uncomfortable, but"}, {'start': '321.514', 'end': '323.194', 'text': 'this is what I got out of it.'}, {'start': '323.435', 'end': '330.154', 'text': 'Not having Malachi was so traumatic because I\nhad, you know, I have a wound, my boobs are'}, {'start': '330.154', 'end': '334.050', 'text': "leaking, they're hurting, we're trying to stop\nthe milk all of that."}, {'start': '334.050', 'end': '335.889', 'text': 'And it was so much on my mind.'}, {'start': '337.490', 'end': '342.050', 'text': 'Even the, you know how you have the postpartum\nbody, postpartum belly.'}, {'start': '342.370', 'end': '347.524', 'text': "And I just kept thinking this is so frustrating\nbecause people who don't know my story will"}, {'start': '347.524', 'end': '352.485', 'text': "probably look at me and think I'm either\npregnant or I've just had a baby and how do you"}, {'start': '352.485', 'end': '359.120', 'text': "stop the people from saying congratulations or\nasking questions and so you know I'm like I"}, {'start': '359.120', 'end': '363.599', 'text': "don't, I can't fit in my clothes because\nobviously my body has changed, but I don't have"}, {'start': '363.599', 'end': '366.879', 'text': 'a reason to show for why I cannot fit into my\nclothes.'}, {'start': '366.879', 'end': '373.644', 'text': 'It was so much on my mind that I had to, I had\nto reach out, you know, thankfully I had, I'}, {'start': '373.644', 'end': '380.044', 'text': 'remember one of my friends who had gone through\ninfant loss and I kept asking her these'}, {'start': '380.044', 'end': '383.564', 'text': 'questions, you know, what do I do?'}, {'start': '383.564', 'end': '384.685', 'text': 'Did you struggle with this?'}, {'start': '384.889', 'end': '387.290', 'text': 'Did you struggle with your self image?'}, {'start': '387.290', 'end': '394.330', 'text': 'Because my self esteem just tanked, you know,\nbecause child loss, infant loss, miscarriage,'}, {'start': '394.490', 'end': '400.794', 'text': "stillbirths, all of that, they come with so\nmuch shame, even though it's not something that"}, {'start': '400.794', 'end': '402.875', 'text': 'I could have prevented.'}, {'start': '404.394', 'end': '409.675', 'text': 'I think the first thing that we do as women is\nlook inward where you know my questions were'}, {'start': '409.675', 'end': '414.154', 'text': 'how could my, I felt like my body had failed me\nor had failed my child.'}, {'start': '415.579', 'end': '421.259', 'text': 'So just dealing with all that, dealing with the\nshame, dealing with feelings of anger, having'}, {'start': '421.259', 'end': '428.620', 'text': '110 questions and then having to contend with\nmy body acting as though there was a baby and'}, {'start': '428.620', 'end': '433.235', 'text': "there wasn't a baby, that was extremely,\nextremely difficult."}, {'start': '433.955', 'end': '434.355', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '434.355', 'end': '434.995', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '435.235', 'end': '436.035', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '436.194', 'end': '441.955', 'text': "When I've witnessed this in Sierra Leone, and I\nthink this is quite common in a lot of African"}, {'start': '441.955', 'end': '447.029', 'text': "communities, there's a lot of silence around it\nand it's often hidden."}, {'start': '447.430', 'end': '451.029', 'text': "Know, I spoke to a few women in Sierra Leone\nwho've lost, you know, the baby."}, {'start': '451.029', 'end': '455.910', 'text': 'Like, it has Sierra Leone has one of the\nhighest rates of infant mortality in the world.'}, {'start': '456.069', 'end': '460.714', 'text': 'And sometimes to help the mother, they take the\nbaby away really quickly.'}, {'start': '460.714', 'end': '461.675', 'text': "They don't talk about it."}, {'start': '461.675', 'end': '463.754', 'text': 'They just want her to move on really quick.'}, {'start': '464.394', 'end': '468.954', 'text': 'And I think this is prevalent in a lot of\nAfrican cultures, like in terms of maybe'}, {'start': '468.954', 'end': '472.875', 'text': "thinking that it's out of sight, so it's out of\nmind and you're gonna forget it and move on."}, {'start': '473.939', 'end': '476.740', 'text': 'What has your journey, how was your experience\naround this?'}, {'start': '476.740', 'end': '481.540', 'text': 'Because you also experienced this loss in\nKenya, you know, in an African setting.'}, {'start': '481.540', 'end': '486.660', 'text': 'And what has that journey taught you about the\nemotional and spiritual cost of silence?'}, {'start': '486.740', 'end': '486.899', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '487.535', 'end': '488.095', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '488.095', 'end': '495.454', 'text': 'Africa unfortunately has a culture of silence\nwith a lot of things that are too heavy to deal'}, {'start': '495.454', 'end': '496.014', 'text': 'with.'}, {'start': '496.014', 'end': '500.415', 'text': "There's a lot of taboo and stigma surrounding\nthings like death."}, {'start': '500.415', 'end': '503.860', 'text': "We're not comfortable with talking about death\nand loss."}, {'start': '504.259', 'end': '509.460', 'text': 'And so people who have to grieve most of the\ntimes go through such a lonely journey because'}, {'start': '509.460', 'end': '511.540', 'text': "you're not supposed to talk about it."}, {'start': '512.500', 'end': '518.975', 'text': 'So in Kenya, you know, having lost my son, my\nexperience was different in the sense that our'}, {'start': '518.975', 'end': '521.375', 'text': "hospitals will tell you, we'll give you an\noption."}, {'start': '521.375', 'end': '524.975', 'text': 'They will tell you, do you want us to take care\nof the baby or would you like to bury the baby?'}, {'start': '526.095', 'end': '531.169', 'text': 'And for us, you know, as a family, we decided\nto bury Malachi.'}, {'start': '531.570', 'end': '537.570', 'text': "And I'm grateful that we did because I now have\na place where I know this is where we laid my"}, {'start': '537.570', 'end': '538.289', 'text': 'son to rest.'}, {'start': '538.289', 'end': '539.970', 'text': 'I can take my flowers, etc.'}, {'start': '542.054', 'end': '544.615', 'text': "So I'm grateful that that was in place."}, {'start': '545.095', 'end': '551.975', 'text': 'However, after following all of that, this was\nlike in the middle of COVID, so people were'}, {'start': '551.975', 'end': '555.414', 'text': "isolating, you couldn't really see, we were in\nbubbles, you know."}, {'start': '557.700', 'end': '564.019', 'text': 'What I know I experienced was apart from, you\nknow, my friends, people my age, young mothers,'}, {'start': '564.019', 'end': '570.995', 'text': 'people who get it like people like you and I,\nthe older generation did not really want to'}, {'start': '570.995', 'end': '573.074', 'text': 'talk about, people did not want to talk about\nit.'}, {'start': '573.074', 'end': '576.995', 'text': "And there was a lot of, it's going to be fine."}, {'start': '577.475', 'end': '579.154', 'text': 'You need to get up now.'}, {'start': '579.154', 'end': '582.914', 'text': 'You need to, you know, we need to forget about\nthe things that have happened.'}, {'start': '583.230', 'end': '585.230', 'text': "We need to focus on what's ahead."}, {'start': '585.230', 'end': '589.870', 'text': "And I'm like, I don't want to forget about what\nhas happened because that was my child and that"}, {'start': '589.870', 'end': '591.470', 'text': 'was a child that I wanted.'}, {'start': '591.629', 'end': '595.709', 'text': 'And I had dreams and I had so many plans for\nhim.'}, {'start': '595.965', 'end': '599.404', 'text': "You can't just tell me to forget about it like\nit didn't happen."}, {'start': '601.165', 'end': '601.644', 'text': 'Yes.'}, {'start': '601.644', 'end': '608.845', 'text': "And not wanting to do that, you know, and I've\nheard it said even to people very close to me"}, {'start': '608.845', 'end': '611.059', 'text': 'who have walked similar journey.'}, {'start': '611.059', 'end': '615.220', 'text': "I've heard it said, hurry up and get another\none so you can forget about that one."}, {'start': '615.540', 'end': '621.460', 'text': 'And you know, for me, the thing was I cannot,\nnothing and no other baby can replace Malachi.'}, {'start': '621.860', 'end': '627.235', 'text': 'I do hope that I will have other children but\neven when I do, they cannot replace, no child'}, {'start': '627.235', 'end': '628.995', 'text': 'can replace another.'}, {'start': '629.955', 'end': '632.995', 'text': 'And so for me, that there was such a huge\nstruggle.'}, {'start': '632.995', 'end': '636.835', 'text': 'It was me fighting that whole system and\nsaying, no, this was my child.'}, {'start': '637.179', 'end': '638.059', 'text': 'I wanted him.'}, {'start': '638.059', 'end': '639.019', 'text': 'He matters.'}, {'start': '639.259', 'end': '640.779', 'text': 'I want to remember him.'}, {'start': '640.940', 'end': '643.660', 'text': 'I want it when I have more children.'}, {'start': '643.660', 'end': '646.860', 'text': 'I want my children to know that he was here.'}, {'start': '647.019', 'end': '648.860', 'text': 'He lived for a short time, but he was here.'}, {'start': '649.154', 'end': '651.075', 'text': 'I want him to have a tombstone.'}, {'start': '651.075', 'end': '655.154', 'text': 'I want to write on, I want something written on\nit that he was born on this day and he died on'}, {'start': '655.154', 'end': '655.634', 'text': 'this day.'}, {'start': '655.634', 'end': '657.075', 'text': 'I want him to matter.'}, {'start': '657.394', 'end': '665.350', 'text': 'And I think preserving that memory and you\nknow, for the people who are close to me who'}, {'start': '665.350', 'end': '673.110', 'text': "understood that played such a huge part in my\nhealing because I felt that He didn't only"}, {'start': '673.110', 'end': '675.429', 'text': 'matter to me, He mattered to my community.'}, {'start': '675.829', 'end': '682.664', 'text': 'Now, you know, looking, moving forward and\ncoming out of all of that, because I work with'}, {'start': '682.664', 'end': '686.264', 'text': 'a lot of women who are on a similar journey.'}, {'start': '687.464', 'end': '694.190', 'text': 'The thing that we keep saying is we cannot act\nas though those children were never here.'}, {'start': '694.190', 'end': '696.990', 'text': 'We cannot act as though we were never pregnant.'}, {'start': '697.389', 'end': '704.764', 'text': "And we're going to fight that culture of\nsilence because their lives mattered."}, {'start': '704.764', 'end': '709.804', 'text': 'And when we acknowledge that their lives\nmattered, it starts our healing in our minds'}, {'start': '709.804', 'end': '711.245', 'text': 'and our spirits.'}, {'start': '712.605', 'end': '719.920', 'text': "So, because, you know, Tara, I've met women who\nare in their 50s who will say to me, you know,"}, {'start': '719.920', 'end': '725.840', 'text': 'I listened to your story and I finally have\nbeen able to talk about the fact that I had a'}, {'start': '725.840', 'end': '731.600', 'text': 'miscarriage when I was 20 years old because at\nthe time nobody would have allowed them to talk'}, {'start': '731.600', 'end': '732.000', 'text': 'about it.'}, {'start': '733.495', 'end': '738.054', 'text': "It's just, it's so much hush-hush when it comes\nto things like that."}, {'start': '738.375', 'end': '742.615', 'text': "Many of us will look back at our parents and\nour families and we're like, there are gaps"}, {'start': '742.615', 'end': '744.615', 'text': 'somewhere that we cannot account for.'}, {'start': '744.855', 'end': '751.470', 'text': "And, you know, on my part, I remember after I\nstarted having, because I'd had a miscarriage"}, {'start': '751.470', 'end': '757.389', 'text': 'before, when I started experiencing loss is\nwhen my mom had a very honest conversation with'}, {'start': '757.389', 'end': '759.070', 'text': 'me about her own losses.'}, {'start': '759.230', 'end': '763.309', 'text': "I didn't know that because they were not\nallowed to talk about it."}, {'start': '763.845', 'end': '765.684', 'text': 'It was, just, you deal with it.'}, {'start': '765.684', 'end': '770.164', 'text': "It's you and your husband deal with it or you\nand your partner deal with it."}, {'start': '770.804', 'end': '775.445', 'text': "And it's just so much that it's so much that\nweighs on women because the trauma just keeps"}, {'start': '775.445', 'end': '777.445', 'text': 'building and piling and piling up.'}, {'start': '777.605', 'end': '786.759', 'text': "So, I mean, the culture of silence is something\nthat I know needs to change in Africa and I'm"}, {'start': '786.759', 'end': '791.160', 'text': "sure in some other parts of the world, but I\ncan speak of my continent because I'm here, I"}, {'start': '791.160', 'end': '795.715', 'text': 'see it and I see what it does to to people, to\nwomen especially.'}, {'start': '795.875', 'end': '796.195', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '796.195', 'end': '796.835', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '797.075', 'end': '797.394', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '797.394', 'end': '802.514', 'text': "I've seen that too in Sierra Leone where I\nremember one time I had a hairdresser."}, {'start': '802.514', 'end': '805.795', 'text': 'She was, you know, doing my hair, and I had\njust seen her a few months before and she'}, {'start': '805.919', 'end': '806.399', 'text': 'pregnant.'}, {'start': '806.399', 'end': '808.559', 'text': "And so when I saw her again, I said, oh, how's\nyour baby?"}, {'start': '808.559', 'end': '811.120', 'text': "And he's like, oh, well, you know, he's he's no\nmore."}, {'start': '811.120', 'end': '812.480', 'text': 'And I said, well, what happened?'}, {'start': '812.879', 'end': '816.079', 'text': 'And, you know, and then she kinda told me, but\nshe brushed it off.'}, {'start': '816.079', 'end': '820.504', 'text': 'And, you know, I I had to stop and look at her,\nand she said, well, you know I said, did they'}, {'start': '820.504', 'end': '821.464', 'text': 'tell you what happened?'}, {'start': '821.464', 'end': '822.105', 'text': 'And she said, no.'}, {'start': '822.105', 'end': '823.865', 'text': 'They just they just took the baby away.'}, {'start': '823.865', 'end': '827.865', 'text': 'They just took the child away when he was no\nmore after I gave birth to him.'}, {'start': '827.865', 'end': '835.029', 'text': "And I could see she was coming to tears, and I\ncould see that she hadn't had a chance yet to"}, {'start': '835.029', 'end': '839.350', 'text': 'really talk about it or to grieve it because\nnobody talks about it.'}, {'start': '839.509', 'end': '846.245', 'text': 'It was more, you know, hush, hush, you know,\nget her away and help her heal, but not'}, {'start': '846.245', 'end': '848.245', 'text': 'emotionally, not expressing that.'}, {'start': '848.565', 'end': '849.924', 'text': 'And so yeah.'}, {'start': '851.524', 'end': '856.884', 'text': 'Sharing your story, especially in an African\nsetting, I think it really gives legitimacy to'}, {'start': '856.884', 'end': '861.759', 'text': 'a lot of women to also explore their grief and\nto get healing in those places.'}, {'start': '863.360', 'end': '863.840', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '863.840', 'end': '864.399', 'text': 'Thank you.'}, {'start': '864.399', 'end': '869.519', 'text': 'I mean, I think that when we go through grief,\nwhen we go through loss, you feel so isolated.'}, {'start': '870.335', 'end': '874.175', 'text': "It almost feels, you feel like that you're the\nonly one going through it."}, {'start': '874.335', 'end': '879.295', 'text': "But when you hear somebody else talk about it,\nrealize, oh my goodness, I'm not the only one."}, {'start': '879.535', 'end': '884.014', 'text': 'And when you hear that other women have walked\nthe path and have come out on the other side,'}, {'start': '884.730', 'end': '887.769', 'text': 'then it gives you hope in that moment.'}, {'start': '888.409', 'end': '894.009', 'text': 'My talking about it is me hoping to give\nanother woman a lifeline for her to know that,'}, {'start': '894.009', 'end': '895.049', 'text': "yes, it's traumatic."}, {'start': '895.049', 'end': '900.764', 'text': "It's the worst thing that could possibly happen\nto you is losing a child, but you can and you"}, {'start': '900.764', 'end': '902.125', 'text': 'will get out of it.'}, {'start': '902.764', 'end': '908.285', 'text': "You won't die in that pain, you know, and\nsharing our stories."}, {'start': '908.285', 'end': '911.404', 'text': "But in sharing our stories, we validate one\nanother's pain."}, {'start': '911.759', 'end': '918.320', 'text': "We're able to say what other people are not\nsaying to you that, yes, this mattered."}, {'start': '918.320', 'end': '919.519', 'text': 'Yes, this matters.'}, {'start': '919.519', 'end': '920.639', 'text': 'This is important.'}, {'start': '921.360', 'end': '923.120', 'text': 'Yes, this has affected you.'}, {'start': '923.120', 'end': '924.559', 'text': 'How can we heal?'}, {'start': '924.720', 'end': '926.559', 'text': 'What tools do we need?'}, {'start': '926.559', 'end': '928.534', 'text': 'What do we need to get to therapy?'}, {'start': '928.534', 'end': '929.575', 'text': 'Do we need to talk to someone?'}, {'start': '929.575', 'end': '932.375', 'text': 'What do we need to do to get to help you get\nbetter?'}, {'start': '932.615', 'end': '937.575', 'text': "But as long as we act as though there's no\nproblem, there's no issue, she's gonna be fine,"}, {'start': '937.575', 'end': '942.929', 'text': "she'll have many other babies and dah dah dah\ndah, then we're not dealing with the issue that"}, {'start': '942.929', 'end': '944.129', 'text': 'needs to be dealt with.'}, {'start': '944.129', 'end': '946.850', 'text': "We're not facing the truth of the matter."}, {'start': '947.490', 'end': '956.424', 'text': 'And people, know, I mean Kenya also has a very\nhigh infant and maternal mortality rate, very'}, {'start': '956.424', 'end': '963.704', 'text': "high, you know, and we're working day and night\ntowards bringing those numbers down."}, {'start': '963.784', 'end': '971.070', 'text': "But the reality is that loss is always going to\nbe a part of us, whether we're in Kenya or"}, {'start': '971.070', 'end': '975.549', 'text': "we're in North America or in Asia, loss is a\npart of us, loss is with us."}, {'start': '975.549', 'end': '978.429', 'text': 'So what happens when it does come?'}, {'start': '978.429', 'end': '980.669', 'text': 'How do we deal with it when it does come?'}, {'start': '981.035', 'end': '986.154', 'text': "I think it's so important to just be, for\npeople to know that it's okay."}, {'start': '986.154', 'end': '991.514', 'text': 'And, you know, sharing my story has not been\neasy Tara, because you also face a lot of'}, {'start': '991.514', 'end': '992.394', 'text': 'resistance.'}, {'start': '993.674', 'end': '998.679', 'text': "You have people who will try to silence you\nbecause they're like, why are you talking about"}, {'start': '998.679', 'end': '999.160', 'text': 'that stuff?'}, {'start': '999.160', 'end': '1000.919', 'text': "And they're very bold when they ask you about\nit."}, {'start': '1000.919', 'end': '1002.519', 'text': 'Why are you talking about that stuff?'}, {'start': '1003.080', 'end': '1009.000', 'text': "You know, you're bringing a bad omens on\nyourself talking about the dead, etc."}, {'start': '1010.845', 'end': '1014.445', 'text': "And I'm like, well, I'm talking about him\nbecause he's my child and this is my journey"}, {'start': '1014.445', 'end': '1015.804', 'text': 'and this is my story.'}, {'start': '1017.485', 'end': '1019.884', 'text': 'I decide what to do with my story.'}, {'start': '1019.884', 'end': '1026.125', 'text': 'But we still have a while to go as far as\nnormalizing this conversation.'}, {'start': '1027.880', 'end': '1028.679', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1028.679', 'end': '1033.239', 'text': "You've done amazing with being bold and\ncourageous in your story."}, {'start': '1034.359', 'end': '1040.919', 'text': "Alluded a lot to kind of what's happening in\nKenya with maternal mortality and infant"}, {'start': '1040.919', 'end': '1041.319', 'text': 'mortality.'}, {'start': '1041.805', 'end': '1045.805', 'text': 'And I noticed that you have been such a\npowerful advocate for maternal health across'}, {'start': '1045.805', 'end': '1046.605', 'text': 'the continent.'}, {'start': '1046.605', 'end': '1051.005', 'text': 'You just came back from Rwanda where there was\na conference there and you were addressing some'}, {'start': '1051.005', 'end': '1053.085', 'text': 'things on, you know, maternal health.'}, {'start': '1053.085', 'end': '1057.700', 'text': 'Can you tell us a little bit more about that\nand what you think needs to be done urgently to'}, {'start': '1057.700', 'end': '1062.099', 'text': 'make sure that women are not dying, bringing\nlife into the world?'}, {'start': '1063.299', 'end': '1064.739', 'text': 'Thank you, Tara.'}, {'start': '1065.140', 'end': '1071.384', 'text': "So, you know, when I started to just dig deeper\ninto the numbers, what's happening on the"}, {'start': '1071.384', 'end': '1078.585', 'text': 'ground because even the numbers that we get are\njust, are not the full or rather the real'}, {'start': '1078.585', 'end': '1083.859', 'text': 'number because these are the ones that have\nbeen accounted for, have been registered,'}, {'start': '1083.859', 'end': '1084.500', 'text': 'written down.'}, {'start': '1084.500', 'end': '1090.500', 'text': 'The numbers are much bigger on the ground,\nwomen in the village, you know, the numbers are'}, {'start': '1090.500', 'end': '1091.379', 'text': 'much higher.'}, {'start': '1092.579', 'end': '1099.365', 'text': 'And I was told that, I came to learn rather\nthat most women in Kenya who are dying during'}, {'start': '1099.365', 'end': '1103.924', 'text': 'childbirth die of preventable situations.'}, {'start': '1104.244', 'end': '1106.884', 'text': 'The highest one being postpartum hemorrhage.'}, {'start': '1106.884', 'end': '1113.380', 'text': "And I said, okay, so if it's preventable, why\nare the numbers still so high?"}, {'start': '1113.380', 'end': '1115.139', 'text': "What's not happening?"}, {'start': '1116.740', 'end': '1122.419', 'text': "You know, it's, first of all, there's a lot of\nblame game that goes on in the health space"}, {'start': '1122.615', 'end': '1126.214', 'text': "because really, if you're saying that it's\npreventable and women are still dying, it means"}, {'start': '1126.214', 'end': '1128.375', 'text': "that there's negligence somewhere."}, {'start': '1128.375', 'end': '1130.054', 'text': "There's something that's not been done."}, {'start': '1130.375', 'end': '1134.295', 'text': "There's something that where there's a place\nwhere our healthcare system is failing the"}, {'start': '1134.295', 'end': '1134.535', 'text': 'women.'}, {'start': '1135.069', 'end': '1145.869', 'text': 'So, you know, was, last year I was shown the\npostpartum hemorrhage drape that was invented'}, {'start': '1145.869', 'end': '1147.549', 'text': 'by a professor in Nigeria.'}, {'start': '1148.394', 'end': '1151.914', 'text': "And basically it's a very simple drape when you\nsee it."}, {'start': '1152.875', 'end': '1157.355', 'text': "And basically every woman who's going into the\nliver just has it under her."}, {'start': '1157.355', 'end': '1162.139', 'text': "And as they're going through, whether it's a C\nsection or a vaginal birth, they're able to"}, {'start': '1162.139', 'end': '1164.379', 'text': "measure how much blood she's losing."}, {'start': '1164.619', 'end': '1169.500', 'text': "Because usually they just measure by looking at\nit, you know, like, Oh my God, she's lost a lot"}, {'start': '1169.500', 'end': '1169.980', 'text': 'of blood.'}, {'start': '1169.980', 'end': '1172.779', 'text': "How do you know that it's a lot of blood just\nby looking?"}, {'start': '1172.779', 'end': '1174.460', 'text': 'How much blood is that?'}, {'start': '1174.460', 'end': '1177.554', 'text': 'Can you tell me how many, you know, is it a\nliter?'}, {'start': '1177.554', 'end': '1184.914', 'text': "Is it So this drape basically is able to, as\nthey're helping the woman deliver, they're able"}, {'start': '1184.914', 'end': '1188.194', 'text': "to know, oh, this woman is in, she's now\ngetting to like a danger zone."}, {'start': '1188.194', 'end': '1189.634', 'text': "She's losing too much blood."}, {'start': '1189.634', 'end': '1191.234', 'text': 'And it has been so effective.'}, {'start': '1191.589', 'end': '1198.309', 'text': 'But the thing is a lot of places even in Kenya\nhave not embraced it yet, right?'}, {'start': '1198.630', 'end': '1201.509', 'text': "And people don't want to be asked questions."}, {'start': '1202.150', 'end': '1211.555', 'text': "One of the leading doctors who's been\nchampioning this drape, he made a call to many"}, {'start': '1211.555', 'end': '1213.154', 'text': 'of the hospitals in Kenya.'}, {'start': '1213.234', 'end': '1217.570', 'text': 'And the minute you ask them, Hey, have you guys\nstarted implementing this?'}, {'start': '1217.570', 'end': '1219.250', 'text': 'Nobody wants to answer your questions.'}, {'start': '1219.250', 'end': '1221.730', 'text': 'Nobody wants to be held accountable for\nanything.'}, {'start': '1222.049', 'end': '1228.130', 'text': "So it's so infuriating for me because it just\nneeds people honestly, it just needs people to"}, {'start': '1228.130', 'end': '1234.774', 'text': 'actually care about the lives of women to be\nable take some of those things make it a part'}, {'start': '1234.774', 'end': '1237.815', 'text': 'of what they do, a mandatory part of what they\ndo.'}, {'start': '1239.174', 'end': '1244.774', 'text': "You know, there's challenges of, you know,\nwomen who are living in the very remote areas,"}, {'start': '1244.774', 'end': '1249.909', 'text': 'by the time they get to a hospital, many of\nthem lose their baby or lose their babies on'}, {'start': '1249.909', 'end': '1256.950', 'text': "the way or you get to that hospital that's far\naway and it has no, either it has no doctors or"}, {'start': '1256.950', 'end': '1259.990', 'text': "if there's no medication, know, it's one thing\nor another."}, {'start': '1260.394', 'end': '1263.994', 'text': "And sometimes I'm honestly like, where do we\nbegin?"}, {'start': '1265.274', 'end': '1271.674', 'text': 'But when I was in Rwanda the other day and just\nhearing what other African countries are'}, {'start': '1271.754', 'end': '1278.069', 'text': 'dealing with, I realized we are all suffering\nfrom the same disease, you know, and that'}, {'start': '1278.069', 'end': '1283.429', 'text': "problem, it's like a pandemic around the\ncontinent where we haven't yet prioritized the"}, {'start': '1283.429', 'end': '1284.869', 'text': 'lives of women and children.'}, {'start': '1285.805', 'end': '1290.284', 'text': 'They are not a priority yet because if they\nwere, it would show.'}, {'start': '1291.644', 'end': '1298.285', 'text': 'Many of the babies who die, die of reasons that\ncould have been prevented either by a simple'}, {'start': '1298.285', 'end': '1305.019', 'text': "scan or, you know, it's things that could have\nbeen caught early, but even the lack of"}, {'start': '1305.019', 'end': '1310.460', 'text': "education, there are many women who don't even\nknow Tara that they should go for their clinic,"}, {'start': '1310.460', 'end': '1312.940', 'text': 'ANC clinic, know, their prenatal clinic.'}, {'start': '1312.940', 'end': '1313.980', 'text': 'They have no idea.'}, {'start': '1314.884', 'end': '1316.005', 'text': 'Nobody has ever told them.'}, {'start': '1316.005', 'end': '1319.605', 'text': "So they just go through pregnancy like they're\njust winging it."}, {'start': '1319.924', 'end': '1326.724', 'text': 'And then, you know, you get in trouble at the\nend and it could have whatever could have been'}, {'start': '1326.724', 'end': '1332.009', 'text': 'caught could have been caught at a good time\nsimply if you had, yeah, if you had just gone'}, {'start': '1332.009', 'end': '1334.329', 'text': 'in, you know, for your clinic.'}, {'start': '1334.650', 'end': '1342.410', 'text': "So I mean, it's so many reasons but I think it\nall boils down to if our countries, if our"}, {'start': '1342.410', 'end': '1351.025', 'text': 'leadership decided that the women of Kenya, the\nwomen of Africa, the children of Africa are'}, {'start': '1351.025', 'end': '1351.904', 'text': 'important.'}, {'start': '1351.904', 'end': '1353.505', 'text': 'They value, they matter.'}, {'start': '1353.744', 'end': '1354.865', 'text': 'Things would work.'}, {'start': '1355.265', 'end': '1355.424', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1355.990', 'end': '1356.710', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1356.710', 'end': '1361.430', 'text': "Understanding that women are the fabric of\nsociety and it's not disposable and"}, {'start': '1361.430', 'end': '1365.829', 'text': 'understanding how much this issue actually\naffects the family structure.'}, {'start': '1366.070', 'end': '1371.349', 'text': 'Like, God forbid, but imagine if you had passed\naway, what would happen to Nathaniel?'}, {'start': '1371.644', 'end': '1372.285', 'text': 'Know, you were'}, {'start': '1372.285', 'end': '1374.525', 'text': 'the And, you know, if you'}, {'start': '1374.525', 'end': '1377.724', 'text': 'and Malachi had both kinda, you know, passed\non, like, what would happen to him?'}, {'start': '1377.724', 'end': '1379.325', 'text': "And what's the impact on him?"}, {'start': '1379.325', 'end': '1385.339', 'text': 'And so prioritizing that life of women and\nprioritizing the life of, you know,'}, {'start': '1385.339', 'end': '1389.259', 'text': 'understanding that they are the fabric of\nsociety and that the impact that that has on'}, {'start': '1389.259', 'end': '1392.859', 'text': "the next generation that's growing up, so\nimportant."}, {'start': '1393.180', 'end': '1400.714', 'text': "And I think what you said about the blame game,\nyou know, I people don't wanna be blamed or"}, {'start': '1400.714', 'end': '1404.394', 'text': "they don't wanna take responsibility or they're\nlike, oh, you know, it's not my problem."}, {'start': '1404.555', 'end': '1410.315', 'text': "And so you're working hard to try and solve an\nissue, but nobody wants to be seen as the"}, {'start': '1410.315', 'end': '1411.835', 'text': 'person who contributed to it.'}, {'start': '1412.160', 'end': '1412.880', 'text': "And it's like, no."}, {'start': '1412.880', 'end': '1415.119', 'text': 'This is not about this is actually not about\nyou.'}, {'start': '1415.279', 'end': '1415.440', 'text': 'This'}, {'start': '1415.440', 'end': '1416.720', 'text': 'is a life of a'}, {'start': '1416.799', 'end': '1417.119', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1417.119', 'end': '1419.920', 'text': 'This is a life of a woman, a child, a family.'}, {'start': '1420.400', 'end': '1425.200', 'text': "And also the the the importance is sometimes I\nfind there's less of an importance, and this"}, {'start': '1425.200', 'end': '1428.705', 'text': 'happens in the West too, less of an importance\nplaced on the life of a woman whose'}, {'start': '1428.705', 'end': '1430.545', 'text': 'socioeconomic status is lower.'}, {'start': '1431.105', 'end': '1431.825', 'text': 'Right.'}, {'start': '1431.825', 'end': '1432.144', 'text': 'Yes.'}, {'start': '1432.144', 'end': '1435.025', 'text': "It's almost like, well, her life is not as\nvaluable, you know, which Yeah."}, {'start': '1435.025', 'end': '1439.505', 'text': "I That's Which is very tragic because, you\nknow, a life is a life."}, {'start': '1439.505', 'end': '1440.384', 'text': 'A life is a life.'}, {'start': '1440.384', 'end': '1440.865', 'text': "So it's"}, {'start': '1441.789', 'end': '1443.789', 'text': "you know, it's important that we fight for\nthat."}, {'start': '1443.789', 'end': '1444.029', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1444.029', 'end': '1445.230', 'text': 'Thank you for for sharing.'}, {'start': '1445.230', 'end': '1445.629', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1446.990', 'end': '1447.549', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1447.549', 'end': '1447.789', 'text': 'Absolutely.'}, {'start': '1447.789', 'end': '1448.269', 'text': 'One'}, {'start': '1449.069', 'end': '1453.069', 'text': 'question, you know, I think everybody can\nrelate to this.'}, {'start': '1453.069', 'end': '1457.335', 'text': "I've gone through hard things in life that has\nreally shaken my faith."}, {'start': '1457.974', 'end': '1460.375', 'text': "You know, I'd have questioned God, are you\nthere?"}, {'start': '1460.375', 'end': '1461.255', 'text': 'Do you love me?'}, {'start': '1461.255', 'end': '1462.215', 'text': 'Are you real?'}, {'start': '1462.215', 'end': '1466.615', 'text': 'Like, if you are real and if you are God, then\nwhy am I going through this?'}, {'start': '1467.015', 'end': '1467.335', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1467.335', 'end': '1473.740', 'text': 'How was navigating this whole loss with your\nfaith and your relationship with God?'}, {'start': '1473.740', 'end': '1474.619', 'text': 'What was that like?'}, {'start': '1474.619', 'end': '1482.220', 'text': "So, you know, I feel like my walk with God has\nbeen, you know, I'll tell you, let me take you"}, {'start': '1482.220', 'end': '1483.579', 'text': 'back to many years ago.'}, {'start': '1483.659', 'end': '1486.595', 'text': 'I had gone through, it was like my first\nheartbreak.'}, {'start': '1487.075', 'end': '1491.954', 'text': 'And I remember very clearly going to see my\npastor at the time.'}, {'start': '1492.434', 'end': '1496.835', 'text': "And you know, he asked me, Kamboiso, you're\ngoing through this, your heart is so broken."}, {'start': '1496.994', 'end': '1498.755', 'text': 'Where do you think God is?'}, {'start': '1498.755', 'end': '1501.940', 'text': "And I was like, He's so far, He's just so far\naway from me."}, {'start': '1502.419', 'end': '1507.299', 'text': 'And He was like, so do you think that He moved\nfar away from you or did you move away from'}, {'start': '1507.299', 'end': '1507.779', 'text': 'Him?'}, {'start': '1508.099', 'end': '1513.619', 'text': "And I couldn't answer that question because,\nknow, the point was, God doesn't move away from"}, {'start': '1513.619', 'end': '1513.779', 'text': 'us.'}, {'start': '1513.894', 'end': '1518.054', 'text': 'If anything is even closer to us, we are the\nones who move away.'}, {'start': '1518.375', 'end': '1525.335', 'text': 'And it just shifted my perspective on hard\ntimes and where God is.'}, {'start': '1526.089', 'end': '1533.450', 'text': 'So I remember at this point where I was losing\nor I had lost my son and I kept saying, God,'}, {'start': '1533.450', 'end': '1539.450', 'text': "you're like, I was holding onto God with\neverything because I said, God, if you don't"}, {'start': '1538.954', 'end': '1540.794', 'text': 'hold me, I will fall apart.'}, {'start': '1540.794', 'end': '1542.794', 'text': "Like you are every, you're all I have."}, {'start': '1542.794', 'end': '1544.554', 'text': "You're all I can hold onto."}, {'start': '1544.714', 'end': '1554.000', 'text': "And I think that my grieving period allowed me\nto experience a sight of God that I didn't, I"}, {'start': '1554.000', 'end': '1555.200', 'text': "hadn't fully experienced."}, {'start': '1555.200', 'end': '1559.920', 'text': "I might have experienced Him to some, it's to\nsome extent when I was, you know, grieving the"}, {'start': '1559.920', 'end': '1562.319', 'text': 'loss of my father a few years before that.'}, {'start': '1562.960', 'end': '1571.904', 'text': "But I really got to see the magnitude of God's\nlove, God's grace, God's mercy because I"}, {'start': '1571.904', 'end': '1576.624', 'text': 'literally could not pull myself off of the bed,\nyou know.'}, {'start': '1576.704', 'end': '1578.704', 'text': "I couldn't get myself up in the morning."}, {'start': '1578.704', 'end': '1580.650', 'text': "I couldn't function."}, {'start': '1580.730', 'end': '1584.809', 'text': "I couldn't do the things that come naturally to\nme."}, {'start': '1585.049', 'end': '1592.664', 'text': 'But He lifted me, you know, I had mornings when\nI would wake up Tara and I would tell my'}, {'start': '1592.664', 'end': '1595.705', 'text': "husband, I feel like there's a pile of rocks on\nmy heart."}, {'start': '1595.705', 'end': '1597.545', 'text': "I couldn't get up off of the bed."}, {'start': '1597.545', 'end': '1600.265', 'text': 'It was a heaviness that I have never\nexperienced.'}, {'start': '1600.265', 'end': '1605.929', 'text': "And I'll just lay there and it was those\nmornings that cause then I remember my husband"}, {'start': '1605.929', 'end': '1613.690', 'text': 'saying, this is when we get to know that His\nmercies are new every morning because somehow'}, {'start': '1613.690', 'end': '1619.944', 'text': "He would just breathe life into me and I'd find\nthe strength to get up, you know, for that day."}, {'start': '1620.265', 'end': '1626.744', 'text': 'And it was really a day by day, moment by\nmoment process where, can I get past this'}, {'start': '1626.744', 'end': '1627.464', 'text': 'morning?'}, {'start': '1627.625', 'end': '1629.624', 'text': 'Can I get past the afternoon?'}, {'start': '1629.784', 'end': '1631.304', 'text': 'Can I get past the evening?'}, {'start': '1631.304', 'end': '1632.345', 'text': 'Can I fall asleep?'}, {'start': '1633.519', 'end': '1642.079', 'text': "And I, you know, looking back, say, I don't\nknow how people go through traumatic things"}, {'start': '1642.079', 'end': '1652.384', 'text': 'without God because sometimes the pain is so\nmuch and you, as human beings, we will turn to'}, {'start': '1652.384', 'end': '1652.865', 'text': 'something.'}, {'start': '1652.865', 'end': '1656.304', 'text': 'You have to turn to something to relieve that\npain.'}, {'start': '1656.545', 'end': '1661.904', 'text': "And for me, what I turned to was God and I'm\ngrateful that I had God and that that I know"}, {'start': '1661.904', 'end': '1662.225', 'text': 'God.'}, {'start': '1662.649', 'end': '1663.849', 'text': 'Did I have questions?'}, {'start': '1663.849', 'end': '1671.529', 'text': 'Oh yeah, so many, but I knew that somehow He\nwill figure it out.'}, {'start': '1671.529', 'end': '1677.609', 'text': 'I had that comfort in knowing that God will\nhelp me figure it out day by day.'}, {'start': '1678.944', 'end': '1684.384', 'text': 'Because I said, I thought to myself, if God was\nnot in the equation, I would have turned to'}, {'start': '1684.384', 'end': '1685.184', 'text': 'anything else.'}, {'start': '1685.184', 'end': '1690.224', 'text': "And people turn to all sorts of things, all\nsorts of addictions, whether it's, you know, a"}, {'start': '1690.224', 'end': '1697.009', 'text': "substance abuse, whether it's sex, whether it's\nlike, you turn to something to numb the pain,"}, {'start': '1697.490', 'end': '1699.009', 'text': 'has to numb the pain.'}, {'start': '1699.170', 'end': '1703.809', 'text': 'So for me, it was my faith.'}, {'start': '1703.809', 'end': '1708.304', 'text': 'I turned to God to take that pain and He did,\nHe took that pain.'}, {'start': '1709.505', 'end': '1717.184', 'text': 'Know, as you know, grief is, I cannot say even\nas I speak to you, I cannot say, oh, you know,'}, {'start': '1717.184', 'end': '1718.464', 'text': "now I'm fully healed."}, {'start': '1718.464', 'end': '1719.984', 'text': 'Hallelujah, praise God.'}, {'start': '1719.984', 'end': '1727.170', 'text': "For me, it's been a day by day process of\nhealing and navigating and days of having"}, {'start': '1727.170', 'end': '1728.210', 'text': 'triggers.'}, {'start': '1728.210', 'end': '1737.085', 'text': "And know, it's a process because healing is not\nlinear, but trusting that if God really picked"}, {'start': '1737.085', 'end': '1743.005', 'text': "me up off of that very painful place, then\nthere's grace for me every other day that"}, {'start': '1743.005', 'end': '1743.085', 'text': 'comes.'}, {'start': '1743.085', 'end': '1744.605', 'text': "That's right."}, {'start': '1744.605', 'end': '1749.940', 'text': "So, you know, and I say this for, it's not just\nfor grief, it's for everything that we go"}, {'start': '1749.940', 'end': '1753.059', 'text': 'through is knowing that God is really who He\nsays He is.'}, {'start': '1753.059', 'end': '1761.575', 'text': "And I feel like it's in the hard times that we\nreally get to see the magnitude of who He is,"}, {'start': '1761.575', 'end': '1764.134', 'text': "that when He says He's a comforter, that's who\nHe is."}, {'start': '1764.134', 'end': '1767.734', 'text': "When He says He's our strength in weakness,\nthat's who He is."}, {'start': '1767.734', 'end': '1771.815', 'text': "When He says He's the light in darkness, that's\nexactly who He is."}, {'start': '1772.134', 'end': '1775.809', 'text': "So that's what I would say about that."}, {'start': '1776.210', 'end': '1781.890', 'text': 'I think what you mentioned is very profound,\nyou know, in that we all turn to something and,'}, {'start': '1781.890', 'end': '1787.394', 'text': "you know, it's reason to turn to God in those\nmoments as because you're going to turn to"}, {'start': '1787.394', 'end': '1791.555', 'text': "something else, whether it's like an addiction\nto shopping or an addiction to TV, you know, to"}, {'start': '1791.555', 'end': '1792.355', 'text': 'numb that pain.'}, {'start': '1792.355', 'end': '1794.115', 'text': "And so it's choosing to turn to God."}, {'start': '1794.115', 'end': '1794.994', 'text': "That's powerful."}, {'start': '1795.394', 'end': '1795.954', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '1797.234', 'end': '1799.650', 'text': 'So my last question.'}, {'start': '1799.650', 'end': '1803.809', 'text': 'So there are there are women listening right\nnow who are grieving in silence.'}, {'start': '1803.809', 'end': '1805.490', 'text': "Maybe they haven't healed anybody."}, {'start': '1805.490', 'end': '1806.930', 'text': 'Maybe they feel invisible.'}, {'start': '1807.250', 'end': '1813.914', 'text': 'What would you say to that mama who feels un\nunheard or even not sure if healing is even'}, {'start': '1813.914', 'end': '1814.474', 'text': 'possible?'}, {'start': '1814.474', 'end': '1819.274', 'text': 'I would say to that mama, first of all, I am\nso, so sorry for your loss.'}, {'start': '1819.434', 'end': '1821.355', 'text': 'I am so sorry for your loss.'}, {'start': '1821.355', 'end': '1822.714', 'text': 'Deeply, deeply sorry.'}, {'start': '1822.714', 'end': '1826.394', 'text': 'And I send you all the love I can master in my\nheart.'}, {'start': '1826.875', 'end': '1833.889', 'text': 'I also want to say to you that you are seen,\nyou are loved, you matter, your pain is valid.'}, {'start': '1834.929', 'end': '1842.690', 'text': "I want to say to that mama, it's okay to sit in\nthat pain, to feel it, allow yourself to grieve"}, {'start': '1842.944', 'end': '1846.864', 'text': 'because grief is our expression of love, of\nhaving loved.'}, {'start': '1847.105', 'end': '1852.865', 'text': "Allow yourself to grieve and don't let people\nput a timeline on your grief or how you should"}, {'start': '1852.865', 'end': '1853.585', 'text': 'grieve.'}, {'start': '1855.424', 'end': '1861.440', 'text': 'And I also want to tell you that there are\nbetter days ahead that you will actually laugh'}, {'start': '1861.440', 'end': '1862.079', 'text': 'again.'}, {'start': '1863.039', 'end': '1870.559', 'text': "Also to say that grief and joy can coexist and\nthat's what I'm living that there are days when"}, {'start': '1870.559', 'end': '1876.454', 'text': "grief is still a big part of my life, but I'm\nstill have I find joy."}, {'start': '1876.855', 'end': '1879.894', 'text': 'I have peace that they can all coexist.'}, {'start': '1879.894', 'end': '1887.255', 'text': 'I want to tell you that you will wake up and\nthe tears will not be falling as freely as'}, {'start': '1887.255', 'end': '1888.375', 'text': "they're falling right now."}, {'start': '1889.089', 'end': '1891.250', 'text': "You'll wake up and you will smile."}, {'start': '1892.369', 'end': '1898.609', 'text': 'I had a grief therapist when I went through,\nwhen I was freshly introduced to grief, to the'}, {'start': '1898.609', 'end': '1900.609', 'text': 'loss of my son, I had a grief therapist.'}, {'start': '1900.769', 'end': '1910.375', 'text': 'And I remember her telling me to build a bridge\nbetween what for me had been a traumatic memory'}, {'start': '1910.375', 'end': '1911.414', 'text': 'of my son.'}, {'start': '1912.615', 'end': '1916.950', 'text': 'She encouraged me to build, to reconstruct my\nbridge.'}, {'start': '1916.950', 'end': '1918.950', 'text': 'So let me explain that.'}, {'start': '1918.950', 'end': '1923.750', 'text': 'Every time she would ask me about Malachi, I\nwould break down and she would ask, what do you'}, {'start': '1923.750', 'end': '1924.230', 'text': 'remember?'}, {'start': '1924.230', 'end': '1929.725', 'text': "And all I'd remember was the hospital and he\nstruggled and he fought and this is what"}, {'start': '1929.725', 'end': '1932.365', 'text': 'happened and the resuscitation and all of that.'}, {'start': '1932.365', 'end': '1935.325', 'text': 'And it would completely wreck me.'}, {'start': '1935.404', 'end': '1940.285', 'text': 'And she said, okay, I want you to tell me where\ndo you think Malachi is right now?'}, {'start': '1940.445', 'end': '1943.730', 'text': "And I said, I think he's in heaven with Jesus."}, {'start': '1944.049', 'end': '1945.809', 'text': "What do you think he's doing right now?"}, {'start': '1945.809', 'end': '1951.890', 'text': "I said, I think he's probably coming from\nheaven daycare, you know, and the angels are"}, {'start': '1951.890', 'end': '1954.930', 'text': 'taking care of him or changing his diaper or\nwhatever.'}, {'start': '1954.930', 'end': '1960.894', 'text': 'And I started to laugh about it and she said,\nyou see your emotion, feeling, emotions just'}, {'start': '1960.894', 'end': '1966.414', 'text': "shifted from the place where when I asked you\nabout him, you were crying and now you're"}, {'start': '1966.414', 'end': '1970.970', 'text': "telling me about daycare and nappies and blah\nblah blah and you're laughing And she said,"}, {'start': '1970.970', 'end': '1976.009', 'text': "that's the bridge that I want you to strengthen\nis to know that because we know that there's"}, {'start': '1976.009', 'end': '1978.169', 'text': 'life after death, you know.'}, {'start': '1978.170', 'end': '1983.930', 'text': 'So envisioning, imagining where your loved one\nis, that they are happy, that they are at'}, {'start': '1983.930', 'end': '1984.250', 'text': 'peace.'}, {'start': '1984.634', 'end': '1989.755', 'text': "If it's your child, if it's been two years,\nthree years, can you imagine how they look"}, {'start': '1989.755', 'end': '1990.234', 'text': 'like?'}, {'start': '1990.234', 'end': '1993.595', 'text': 'What would they be, what would a three year old\nbe doing right now?'}, {'start': '1994.075', 'end': '1999.674', 'text': 'Building a bridge that brings you peace, that\nbrings you joy is a way to cope with a loss.'}, {'start': '2001.080', 'end': '2004.440', 'text': "But to say to you mama, it's going to be okay."}, {'start': '2004.440', 'end': '2006.440', 'text': "I promise you it's going to be okay."}, {'start': '2006.440', 'end': '2012.119', 'text': "There are mamas all over the world like me, I'm\nin Kenya and letting you know that it's going"}, {'start': '2012.119', 'end': '2016.794', 'text': "to be okay and you are loved, you are seen, and\nyou're valuable, and you're enough."}, {'start': '2017.595', 'end': '2019.755', 'text': 'That is so powerful, Kambuwa.'}, {'start': '2019.755', 'end': '2020.634', 'text': 'Thank you.'}, {'start': '2021.195', 'end': '2022.154', 'text': 'Thank you so much.'}, {'start': '2022.154', 'end': '2025.434', 'text': 'You your story is so powerful.'}, {'start': '2025.434', 'end': '2030.420', 'text': 'And because you use your platform for good, you\nknow, for healing of other women and just to'}, {'start': '2030.420', 'end': '2035.539', 'text': 'even spread the light, on not just what\nhappened to you, but what is happening around'}, {'start': '2035.539', 'end': '2037.299', 'text': 'the continent to other women.'}, {'start': '2037.619', 'end': '2038.900', 'text': "It's such a powerful story."}, {'start': '2038.900', 'end': '2043.299', 'text': "So I'm I really admire you and thank you so\nmuch for for joining us today."}, {'start': '2044.134', 'end': '2045.494', 'text': 'Thank you, Tara.'}, {'start': '2045.575', 'end': '2048.375', 'text': "As you can tell, the sun has set, so I'm in\ndarkness."}, {'start': '2048.375', 'end': '2049.414', 'text': 'And I was like Equator.'}, {'start': '2049.414', 'end': '2051.335', 'text': "Can't go switch on the light."}, {'start': '2052.295', 'end': '2057.255', 'text': "It's morning here in Calgary, and I can see the\nthe beautiful I was thinking about that because"}, {'start': '2057.255', 'end': '2058.099', 'text': 'I do miss that.'}, {'start': '2058.099', 'end': '2063.780', 'text': "I love the Equator, like the consistency of the\nsun setting at 6PM or 06:30 whenever I'm in"}, {'start': '2063.780', 'end': '2067.699', 'text': 'Sierra So I can see that the sun is slowly\ngoing down and then we can start.'}, {'start': '2067.699', 'end': '2068.820', 'text': "But it's consistent."}, {'start': '2068.820', 'end': '2076.195', 'text': "Now we're in North America where in the summer,\nthe sun doesn't go down until it's like 10PM at"}, {'start': '2076.195', 'end': '2076.675', 'text': 'night.'}, {'start': '2077.074', 'end': '2077.715', 'text': 'Yes.'}, {'start': '2077.715', 'end': '2078.434', 'text': 'Oh my gosh.'}, {'start': '2078.434', 'end': '2082.034', 'text': 'I remember how strange that was for me when I\nlived in North America.'}, {'start': '2082.034', 'end': '2082.994', 'text': "I'm like, why?"}, {'start': '2083.155', 'end': '2083.715', 'text': 'Yeah.'}, {'start': '2083.715', 'end': '2085.235', 'text': 'Like, why is the sun out?'}, {'start': '2085.235', 'end': '2086.355', 'text': "It's like bedtime."}, {'start': '2087.719', 'end': '2091.079', 'text': 'This episode is brought to you and sponsored by\nWealth Genius.'}, {'start': '2091.079', 'end': '2093.800', 'text': 'Wealth Genius is a wonderful partner of Freedom\nTree.'}, {'start': '2093.960', 'end': '2096.599', 'text': 'And when you support them, you support Freedom\nTree.'}, {'start': '2096.839', 'end': '2102.224', 'text': "And if you'd like to sponsor an episode on our\npodcast on Radiant Living, you are welcome so."}, {'start': '2102.224', 'end': '2103.425', 'text': 'Just reach out to me.'}, {'start': '2104.224', 'end': '2108.224', 'text': "Now let's hear a little bit of a message from\nWealth Genius and what they're all about."}, {'start': '2113.344', 'end': '2117.184', 'text': "Have you ever wanted to invest in multifamily\nreal estate, but you don't know how?"}, {'start': '2117.710', 'end': '2119.789', 'text': "Well, that's where WealthGenius comes in."}, {'start': '2119.789', 'end': '2125.309', 'text': 'It offers a very comprehensive education in\nreal estate investing, covering a wide range of'}, {'start': '2125.309', 'end': '2130.269', 'text': 'topics including multifamily, US and Canadian\ninvesting, and, of course, land development.'}, {'start': '2130.670', 'end': '2131.469', 'text': "Let's hear some more."}, {'start': '2131.469', 'end': '2134.175', 'text': 'Thank you, Alfonso, for building this family.'}, {'start': '2134.175', 'end': '2138.175', 'text': 'I feel like, you know, reborn to this new\nfamily, and thank you for creating this.'}, {'start': '2138.175', 'end': '2138.655', 'text': 'You are the'}, {'start': '2138.655', 'end': '2143.534', 'text': "one person that changed our life, and I'm\nreally grateful for that because you gave us"}, {'start': '2143.534', 'end': '2144.175', 'text': 'your time back.'}, {'start': '2144.175', 'end': '2149.469', 'text': "Everything that you're doing for the world, the\ncommunity, I am so, so inspired by you every"}, {'start': '2149.469', 'end': '2149.949', 'text': 'day.'}, {'start': '2149.949', 'end': '2156.670', 'text': "We're being mentored by an individual who who\nis is not only an expert in real estate"}, {'start': '2156.670', 'end': '2163.295', 'text': "investing and an expert in apartment buildings\nand multifamily, but it's his mindset as well,"}, {'start': '2163.295', 'end': '2167.775', 'text': 'expansion and growth and and that anything is\npossible.'}, {'start': '2167.775', 'end': '2170.655', 'text': 'This guy is amazing human.'}, {'start': '2170.655', 'end': '2172.734', 'text': 'Albanzo is not human.'}, {'start': '2172.630', 'end': '2173.029', 'text': 'Human.'}, {'start': '2173.029', 'end': '2175.190', 'text': "I feel he's not human."}, {'start': '2175.429', 'end': '2177.030', 'text': "It's sexy."}, {'start': '2179.349', 'end': '2182.949', 'text': "So if that sounds like something that you're\ninterested in, join today."}, {'start': '2183.190', 'end': '2187.909', 'text': 'Not only will you get a one on one coach to\nsupport you on your real estate journey so that'}, {'start': '2187.909', 'end': '2192.664', 'text': 'you know what to do, what not to do, and avoid\nvery costly mistakes.'}, {'start': '2192.905', 'end': '2197.864', 'text': 'You will also enjoy limitless networking\nopportunities with a vibrant real estate'}, {'start': '2197.864', 'end': '2198.585', 'text': 'community.'}, {'start': '2199.224', 'end': '2201.065', 'text': 'So what are you waiting for?'}, {'start': '2201.065', 'end': '2202.349', 'text': 'Join WealthGenius.'}, {'start': '2202.349', 'end': '2204.910', 'text': 'Again, when you support them, you support\nFreedom Tree.'}, {'start': '2204.910', 'end': '2205.550', 'text': 'Thank you.'}, {'start': '2222.505', 'end': '2223.784', 'text': 'Thank you for watching.'}, {'start': '2223.784', 'end': '2224.905', 'text': 'Back to our podcast.'}]