Family Guy 2025 Season 16 E.16 - Family Guy Full Episode NoCuts
Pankaj Kumar
[{'start': '1.199', 'end': '4.880', 'text': 'All right. I want tonight to be perfect.'}, {'start': '3.200', 'end': '7.120', 'text': "I'm going to lay it all out for Brian."}, {'start': '4.880', 'end': '8.400', 'text': 'Why we should have a baby together? I'}, {'start': '7.120', 'end': '9.760', 'text': "don't know. I haven't even thought about"}, {'start': '8.400', 'end': '12.160', 'text': 'that. Why are you so obsessed with'}, {'start': '9.760', 'end': '14.000', 'text': 'circumcision? Oh, hey, look. You made a'}, {'start': '12.160', 'end': '17.920', 'text': 'little dinner party. Hi, Robert. He'}, {'start': '14.000', 'end': '20.400', 'text': "won't be joining us. Get up. Please sit."}, {'start': '17.920', 'end': '22.560', 'text': "You uh you okay? I'm terrific. And that"}, {'start': '20.400', 'end': '26.800', 'text': 'is so sweet of you to ask. You really'}, {'start': '22.560', 'end': '29.400', 'text': "are a natural caregiver, aren't you?"}, {'start': '26.800', 'end': '31.599', 'text': 'Oh, and we had cats for some reason.'}, {'start': '29.400', 'end': '33.600', 'text': 'Uh-huh. Yeah. I backed up all the way'}, {'start': '31.599', 'end': '35.360', 'text': 'into the show before us. Wife talking'}, {'start': '33.600', 'end': '38.000', 'text': "about her dream. Homer, you've got"}, {'start': '35.360', 'end': '40.640', 'text': 'company.'}, {'start': '38.000', 'end': '42.840', 'text': "Why are two sets of prices? One's the"}, {'start': '40.640', 'end': '46.960', 'text': 'Emmy winner discount.'}, {'start': '42.840', 'end': '49.120', 'text': 'Ah, black coffee and toast, please.'}, {'start': '46.960', 'end': '51.039', 'text': "Man, I'm happy the war is over. I can't"}, {'start': '49.120', 'end': '52.879', 'text': "wait to get back to Troy. Yeah, I'm just"}, {'start': '51.039', 'end': '55.680', 'text': 'going to plop down with my kids and'}, {'start': '52.879', 'end': '59.280', 'text': 'watch Troy Story to the other side of'}, {'start': '55.680', 'end': '61.199', 'text': 'that hill and beyond.'}, {'start': '59.280', 'end': '64.799', 'text': "That's as far as we know about right"}, {'start': '61.199', 'end': '66.400', 'text': "now. Hey guys, so I'm in my own trunk."}, {'start': '64.799', 'end': '68.159', 'text': "Uh, I think I'm going to get murdered."}, {'start': '66.400', 'end': '69.920', 'text': "Uh, but before I do, I forgot I'm"}, {'start': '68.159', 'end': '71.360', 'text': 'supposed to mention Triscuits. Really,'}, {'start': '69.920', 'end': '72.960', 'text': "all the Nabiscoco products. They're"}, {'start': '71.360', 'end': '74.400', 'text': "they're solid. You don't like on the"}, {'start': '72.960', 'end': '76.159', 'text': 'back of Triscuits when they give you the'}, {'start': '74.400', 'end': '78.400', 'text': 'recipes for those snacks, like the the'}, {'start': '76.159', 'end': '81.600', 'text': 'mini pizzas. I swear to God, make those'}, {'start': '78.400', 'end': '83.040', 'text': 'little pizzas. # ittrisket life hacks.'}, {'start': '81.600', 'end': '87.360', 'text': 'Go ahead and check it out. Recipe in'}, {'start': '83.040', 'end': '90.080', 'text': 'bio. A gun. Yeah, you love guns. No, I'}, {'start': '87.360', 'end': '92.000', 'text': "don't. You don't know me at all. I can't"}, {'start': '90.080', 'end': '94.079', 'text': "believe you'd blow off my party then"}, {'start': '92.000', 'end': '95.920', 'text': 'give me a handgun. Especially when'}, {'start': '94.079', 'end': '98.320', 'text': "there's kids in the house. No, kids in"}, {'start': '95.920', 'end': '100.079', 'text': "the hall. Damn it, Daddy. I'm trying to"}, {'start': '98.320', 'end': '102.240', 'text': 'explain that guns are hazardous and'}, {'start': '100.079', 'end': '104.799', 'text': 'unsafe, not have a conversation about a'}, {'start': '102.240', 'end': '106.960', 'text': 'tepid 1990s Canadian sketch group.'}, {'start': '104.799', 'end': '109.520', 'text': "You're wrong about guns and comedy. I'm"}, {'start': '106.960', 'end': '110.960', 'text': 'out of here. Bye-bye.'}, {'start': '109.520', 'end': '113.600', 'text': 'Hey, thanks for showing me around,'}, {'start': '110.960', 'end': '115.840', 'text': 'Moses. No problem, Peter. First things'}, {'start': '113.600', 'end': '118.159', 'text': 'first. Being a night watch man is about'}, {'start': '115.840', 'end': '119.680', 'text': 'integrity, dedication, and muttering'}, {'start': '118.159', 'end': '121.360', 'text': 'things you wish you said to your wife'}, {'start': '119.680', 'end': '123.280', 'text': 'during a fight earlier that day. Who'}, {'start': '121.360', 'end': '126.640', 'text': 'buys a quarter mint chip ice cream? You'}, {'start': '123.280', 'end': '130.759', 'text': 'buy a pint. Mutter, Peter, we mutter.'}, {'start': '126.640', 'end': '130.759', 'text': 'Sorry, this is all so new.'}, {'start': '131.120', 'end': '137.640', 'text': 'Oh my god, Chris is still in there.'}, {'start': '133.760', 'end': '137.640', 'text': 'Somebody save Chris.'}, {'start': '146.480', 'end': '152.640', 'text': "You know what? He's earned that."}, {'start': '150.319', 'end': '154.720', 'text': 'Lois, can you believe these seats? Front'}, {'start': '152.640', 'end': '157.440', 'text': 'row. I hope the priest pulls me up on'}, {'start': '154.720', 'end': '159.599', 'text': 'stage and dances with me. When I was'}, {'start': '157.440', 'end': '161.360', 'text': 'hastily relocated to this parish a week'}, {'start': '159.599', 'end': '163.920', 'text': "ago, the last thing I thought I'd have"}, {'start': '161.360', 'end': '166.319', 'text': 'to do is stand before you on such a sad'}, {'start': '163.920', 'end': '168.400', 'text': 'occasion. A family losing a child is'}, {'start': '166.319', 'end': '170.080', 'text': 'like a trivial pursuit wheel losing a'}, {'start': '168.400', 'end': '171.840', 'text': 'pie piece. And you have to keep'}, {'start': '170.080', 'end': '173.200', 'text': 'reminding everyone playing the game.'}, {'start': '171.840', 'end': '175.519', 'text': "Don't forget I already got"}, {'start': '173.200', 'end': '177.280', 'text': 'entertainment. What a pain. What am I'}, {'start': '175.519', 'end': '180.640', 'text': "supposed to do without Jolly Farm? I'll"}, {'start': '177.280', 'end': '182.480', 'text': 'be like an Italian mom without bad kids.'}, {'start': '180.640', 'end': '184.239', 'text': 'Hey, hey, hey. What the hell is all the'}, {'start': '182.480', 'end': '186.319', 'text': "commotion in here? We're not doing"}, {'start': '184.239', 'end': '187.920', 'text': "anything. You getting fresh with me. I'm"}, {'start': '186.319', 'end': '189.840', 'text': 'tired of bailing both of you out of'}, {'start': '187.920', 'end': '191.519', 'text': "prison. We're both in college and we"}, {'start': '189.840', 'end': '194.400', 'text': "consistently make the deans list. I'm"}, {'start': '191.519', 'end': '197.120', 'text': 'telling your father. Good.'}, {'start': '194.400', 'end': '200.879', 'text': "Who's hungry? Huh?"}, {'start': '197.120', 'end': '204.959', 'text': "Broccoli. How dare you, Stewie? Don't"}, {'start': '200.879', 'end': '209.159', 'text': 'throw your vegetables. Hero in quote. I'}, {'start': '204.959', 'end': '209.159', 'text': 'will destroy her for this.'}, {'start': '215.760', 'end': '219.840', 'text': 'What are you working on, Stewie? I plan'}, {'start': '217.440', 'end': '221.599', 'text': 'to be rid of Lois once and for all. Hey,'}, {'start': '219.840', 'end': '223.519', 'text': 'Chris. I noticed you were sitting alone.'}, {'start': '221.599', 'end': '226.799', 'text': 'You mind if I join you? Sure. We both'}, {'start': '223.519', 'end': '229.200', 'text': 'have hats. Makes sense. Oh, thanks. Hey,'}, {'start': '226.799', 'end': '232.000', 'text': 'can you check my back for kick me signs?'}, {'start': '229.200', 'end': '234.080', 'text': 'Oh, yeah, you got a couple. This one'}, {'start': '232.000', 'end': '236.640', 'text': "says you're a dirty kick. That doesn't"}, {'start': '234.080', 'end': '239.040', 'text': "say kick, but thanks. I'll keep that one"}, {'start': '236.640', 'end': '242.239', 'text': 'for my lawsuit. Well, I guess we can all'}, {'start': '239.040', 'end': '245.200', 'text': 'agree this was a great idea. The end.'}, {'start': '242.239', 'end': '246.799', 'text': 'Family gay. Enough. My parents will be'}, {'start': '245.200', 'end': '248.640', 'text': 'here any minute. You better get this'}, {'start': '246.799', 'end': '250.879', 'text': "house cleaned up. Don't worry, Lois. I"}, {'start': '248.640', 'end': '250.879', 'text': 'have a'}, {'start': '252.200', 'end': '258.759', 'text': "Roomba. Now she's cooking. Hang on to"}, {'start': '255.519', 'end': '262.440', 'text': 'your hat. Clean floor dead'}, {'start': '258.759', 'end': '265.040', 'text': 'ahead. Good purchase. All right, here it'}, {'start': '262.440', 'end': '267.040', 'text': "goes. And the battery's dead. I I'm your"}, {'start': '265.040', 'end': '269.040', 'text': 'new neighbor, Nick Carowway. Oh, I hope'}, {'start': '267.040', 'end': '271.040', 'text': "we weren't too loud, old sport. Yeah,"}, {'start': '269.040', 'end': '272.639', 'text': 'this old sport thing. Is this Is this'}, {'start': '271.040', 'end': '274.400', 'text': "something you're trying out or is this a"}, {'start': '272.639', 'end': '276.080', 'text': 'keeper? I just met you, so I want to'}, {'start': '274.400', 'end': '278.320', 'text': "tell you something very private. Let's"}, {'start': '276.080', 'end': '280.160', 'text': 'go out to the dock. I come down here to'}, {'start': '278.320', 'end': '281.759', 'text': 'think every night and gaze at that green'}, {'start': '280.160', 'end': '285.280', 'text': "light. It's where the love of my life"}, {'start': '281.759', 'end': '286.560', 'text': 'lives, Daisy Buchanan. Um, I hate to'}, {'start': '285.280', 'end': '288.240', 'text': "break it to you, but that light you've"}, {'start': '286.560', 'end': '290.080', 'text': 'been looking at is a gay gym called the'}, {'start': '288.240', 'end': '294.680', 'text': 'Pump House. I I only know that because I'}, {'start': '290.080', 'end': '294.680', 'text': 'I saw a coupon that came with my rental.'}, {'start': '296.320', 'end': '299.680', 'text': 'So, you guys all pumped to run with the'}, {'start': '297.919', 'end': '301.520', 'text': 'Bulls? You bet. This is going to be my'}, {'start': '299.680', 'end': '304.880', 'text': 'first exercise since I chased that'}, {'start': '301.520', 'end': '308.400', 'text': "balloon. Hey, what's going on? Hey, Joe."}, {'start': '304.880', 'end': '311.440', 'text': 'We are competing in the International'}, {'start': '308.400', 'end': '313.039', 'text': 'Chef Boy ID Lookalike Contest. Oh, well,'}, {'start': '311.440', 'end': '315.120', 'text': "where's your chef hat? You guys are"}, {'start': '313.039', 'end': '317.039', 'text': 'going to lose. Especially Cleveland.'}, {'start': '315.120', 'end': '318.560', 'text': "He's in the cream of wheat competition"}, {'start': '317.039', 'end': '320.880', 'text': 'which is down the street. Look at this'}, {'start': '318.560', 'end': '323.919', 'text': "picture of Shayen Woodley. She's so"}, {'start': '320.880', 'end': '325.600', 'text': 'talented and overrated and weird. I love'}, {'start': '323.919', 'end': '328.880', 'text': "her. Isn't a haircut cute? Maybe I'll"}, {'start': '325.600', 'end': '331.759', 'text': 'get my haircut short, too. No. No way. I'}, {'start': '328.880', 'end': '333.680', 'text': "forbid it. What? You can't forbid that?"}, {'start': '331.759', 'end': '335.600', 'text': "Yes, I can. That's the one thing men are"}, {'start': '333.680', 'end': '337.039', 'text': 'allowed to control about women. That and'}, {'start': '335.600', 'end': '338.800', 'text': 'your uterus and how much money you make'}, {'start': '337.039', 'end': '340.800', 'text': "and also everything else. Pet, that's"}, {'start': '338.800', 'end': '342.160', 'text': "stupid. It's a fact, Lois. The only"}, {'start': '340.800', 'end': '343.840', 'text': "woman that's ever looked good with short"}, {'start': '342.160', 'end': '347.479', 'text': "hair is Halle Berry's boobs."}, {'start': '343.840', 'end': '347.479', 'text': 'Establishing shot.'}, {'start': '348.560', 'end': '357.240', 'text': 'This factory has been beset by women. Is'}, {'start': '353.039', 'end': '357.240', 'text': 'your factory next?'}, {'start': '359.440', 'end': '364.000', 'text': "Wallace, that's you. You took a job."}, {'start': '362.080', 'end': '366.240', 'text': 'Sorry, Peter. I wanted to tell you, but'}, {'start': '364.000', 'end': '368.319', 'text': 'you were so dead set against it. Damn'}, {'start': '366.240', 'end': '369.759', 'text': "right I'm against it. If God wanted"}, {'start': '368.319', 'end': '371.759', 'text': "women in the workplace, he'd have made"}, {'start': '369.759', 'end': '374.199', 'text': "them alcoholics. You're quitting that"}, {'start': '371.759', 'end': '377.600', 'text': "job tomorrow. No, I'm"}, {'start': '374.199', 'end': '379.759', 'text': "not. What? What's wrong? Are we taking a"}, {'start': '377.600', 'end': '381.600', 'text': 'terrible 7 a.m. flight? No. No. I'}, {'start': '379.759', 'end': '383.520', 'text': 'realize to catch a bat, I need to live'}, {'start': '381.600', 'end': '385.919', 'text': 'like a bat. So, I got to be up at night.'}, {'start': '383.520', 'end': '387.759', 'text': "It's a nocturnal mission, Lois. Okay,"}, {'start': '385.919', 'end': '389.520', 'text': 'but what are you going to do? Well, as'}, {'start': '387.759', 'end': '391.600', 'text': 'everyone knows, bats watch a ton of'}, {'start': '389.520', 'end': '394.960', 'text': 'cinemax softcore porn. So, that seems'}, {'start': '391.600', 'end': '398.160', 'text': 'like the place to start.'}, {'start': '394.960', 'end': '400.000', 'text': "Aha. Welcome back to CNBC's Money Line."}, {'start': '398.160', 'end': '403.360', 'text': "Oh, come on, man. Nobody's buying that."}, {'start': '400.000', 'end': '407.039', 'text': 'You expect me to believe you own stocks?'}, {'start': '403.360', 'end': '409.039', 'text': 'So, this place, uh, worse than Syria,'}, {'start': '407.039', 'end': '412.080', 'text': "don't you think? Yes. Everything about"}, {'start': '409.039', 'end': '414.639', 'text': 'it is awful. The people, the music, if'}, {'start': '412.080', 'end': '417.680', 'text': 'you call it. Oh my god, we were grumpy'}, {'start': '414.639', 'end': '420.880', 'text': 'and bitter at the same time.'}, {'start': '417.680', 'end': '423.039', 'text': 'Okay, boring book, 1984. I am ready for'}, {'start': '420.880', 'end': '426.440', 'text': 'you to be lame and a book and not'}, {'start': '423.039', 'end': '426.440', 'text': 'something unexpected.'}, {'start': '428.880', 'end': '434.039', 'text': 'This is books. Books kick ass.'}, {'start': '437.039', 'end': '441.759', 'text': "Probably read an Orwell. I'd like to"}, {'start': '439.680', 'end': '444.080', 'text': 'thank you all for coming to Quagfest.'}, {'start': '441.759', 'end': '445.919', 'text': 'Now, no celebration of my 1,000th would'}, {'start': '444.080', 'end': '447.759', 'text': 'be complete without first meeting number'}, {'start': '445.919', 'end': '449.759', 'text': 'one. Here she is all the way from'}, {'start': '447.759', 'end': '452.759', 'text': 'Weathersfield Elementary School, Miss'}, {'start': '449.759', 'end': '452.759', 'text': 'Ellaner.'}, {'start': '458.479', 'end': '463.000', 'text': 'Do I still get a piece of candy after?'}, {'start': '464.479', 'end': '467.800', 'text': 'Nice lady.'}, {'start': '468.960', 'end': '475.039', 'text': 'Peter, I just heard the best news. Wow,'}, {'start': '471.599', 'end': '476.720', 'text': 'word gets around fast. Nice, right? No,'}, {'start': '475.039', 'end': '478.319', 'text': 'Peter, I took your advice and sent my'}, {'start': '476.720', 'end': '480.560', 'text': "book to a publisher. They're going to"}, {'start': '478.319', 'end': '482.960', 'text': "publish The Hopeful Squirrel, and it's"}, {'start': '480.560', 'end': '484.479', 'text': "all thanks to you. show. That's amazing."}, {'start': '482.960', 'end': '486.400', 'text': "So, there's going to be a real life book"}, {'start': '484.479', 'end': '488.160', 'text': 'out there with your name on it. Well,'}, {'start': '486.400', 'end': '490.560', 'text': "actually, I'm writing it under a pen"}, {'start': '488.160', 'end': '492.240', 'text': 'name, David Chicago. Okay, Cleveland,'}, {'start': '490.560', 'end': '494.400', 'text': "you're mostly out of shape. Thankfully,"}, {'start': '492.240', 'end': '496.879', 'text': 'all postmen have mountain climber leg'}, {'start': '494.400', 'end': '499.759', 'text': 'muscles. Those will be our focus here.'}, {'start': '496.879', 'end': '503.560', 'text': 'They really that strong looking. There'}, {'start': '499.759', 'end': '506.800', 'text': 'we go. Now, throw that bad boy up on the'}, {'start': '503.560', 'end': '510.000', 'text': "mailbox. That's it. Jani. Jaz on me."}, {'start': '506.800', 'end': '512.599', 'text': "Yes, Jani. Hey guys, I'm just going to"}, {'start': '510.000', 'end': '516.320', 'text': 'go ahead and close this.'}, {'start': '512.599', 'end': '516.320', 'text': 'Okay. Get my house'}, {'start': '523.959', 'end': '529.560', 'text': 'assessed. Oh, what was I worried'}, {'start': '527.560', 'end': '532.560', 'text': 'about? Oh,'}, {'start': '529.560', 'end': '534.560', 'text': "God. He's bleeding, man. He's bleeding"}, {'start': '532.560', 'end': '536.000', 'text': "and nobody's doing anything about it."}, {'start': '534.560', 'end': '538.959', 'text': "I'll tell you what the news of the world"}, {'start': '536.000', 'end': '540.959', 'text': "is. We're in a lot of trouble. Man, Lois"}, {'start': '538.959', 'end': '542.959', 'text': 'was pissed about me wrecking the house.'}, {'start': '540.959', 'end': '544.800', 'text': "Really? I assume she'd be numb to your"}, {'start': '542.959', 'end': '546.399', 'text': 'shenanigans by now. Worst part is I'}, {'start': '544.800', 'end': '548.320', 'text': 'spent all our vacation money on the'}, {'start': '546.399', 'end': '549.839', 'text': 'jetpack without asking. Peter, I know'}, {'start': '548.320', 'end': '551.519', 'text': "what it's like to be in the doghouse,"}, {'start': '549.839', 'end': '553.760', 'text': "but I think I can help. Why don't you"}, {'start': '551.519', 'end': '555.600', 'text': "use my mom's condo in Florida? Every"}, {'start': '553.760', 'end': '557.440', 'text': 'year she winters in Buffalo. I keep'}, {'start': '555.600', 'end': '559.120', 'text': "telling her she's doing Florida wrong,"}, {'start': '557.440', 'end': '560.880', 'text': "but she doesn't listen. Thanks, Joe."}, {'start': '559.120', 'end': '563.680', 'text': 'Florida sounds great. I bet Lois will'}, {'start': '560.880', 'end': '566.399', 'text': 'love that. My mom winters in a coffin.'}, {'start': '563.680', 'end': '569.839', 'text': "All the seasons, really. Don't mind me."}, {'start': '566.399', 'end': '569.839', 'text': "I'm just grabbing a little cheese and"}, {'start': '570.519', 'end': '574.959', 'text': "veno. If anybody needs me, I'll be"}, {'start': '572.880', 'end': '578.720', 'text': 'poolside next to my weirdly hot'}, {'start': '574.959', 'end': '581.200', 'text': 'girlfriend with dark teeth. Uh, Brian.'}, {'start': '578.720', 'end': '583.519', 'text': 'Brian Steel. I was just dropping Stewie'}, {'start': '581.200', 'end': '585.440', 'text': 'off. Oh, yeah. I should probably go back'}, {'start': '583.519', 'end': '587.680', 'text': "in there. See how everyone's doing, I"}, {'start': '585.440', 'end': '589.760', 'text': "guess. Ah, they're fine. In fact, I see"}, {'start': '587.680', 'end': '594.800', 'text': 'Stewie reading a book. Scratch and'}, {'start': '589.760', 'end': '597.360', 'text': 'sniff. Lindsay Lohan goes jogging.'}, {'start': '594.800', 'end': '599.839', 'text': "Oh god, that's terrible. Oh, here's a"}, {'start': '597.360', 'end': '601.600', 'text': 'pop-up book. Tommy Lee goes, "There they'}, {'start': '599.839', 'end': '602.720', 'text': 'are." All right, since you\'re a patient,'}, {'start': '601.600', 'end': '604.160', 'text': "we're going to talk about you like"}, {'start': '602.720', 'end': '606.480', 'text': "you're not here. You get all of her"}, {'start': '604.160', 'end': '608.080', 'text': 'squawking out, Doc. Oh, I think we got'}, {'start': '606.480', 'end': '610.959', 'text': "to the root of the problem, didn't we,"}, {'start': '608.080', 'end': '612.959', 'text': "Lois? Absolutely. All right, let's dope"}, {'start': '610.959', 'end': '616.240', 'text': 'her up good. Turn that mouth off. No,'}, {'start': '612.959', 'end': '617.360', 'text': 'Peter. The problem is you. What? What'}, {'start': '616.240', 'end': '620.160', 'text': "the hell are you doing? You're supposed"}, {'start': '617.360', 'end': '622.959', 'text': 'to be my friend, Dr. Brown. I just'}, {'start': '620.160', 'end': '625.920', 'text': 'killed nine people. You want to go to a'}, {'start': '622.959', 'end': '628.720', 'text': 'concert, huh? Want to go to a loud'}, {'start': '625.920', 'end': '630.959', 'text': "concert? No. Since I'm your cool father,"}, {'start': '628.720', 'end': '632.880', 'text': 'Justin, we should bond with skin-to-skin'}, {'start': '630.959', 'end': '634.399', 'text': 'contact. How about Justin takes his'}, {'start': '632.880', 'end': '638.360', 'text': 'shirt off and we can get some photos of'}, {'start': '634.399', 'end': '638.360', 'text': "you on Justin's belly."}, {'start': '638.480', 'end': '643.200', 'text': 'Your heartbeat is weird. It is not'}, {'start': '640.800', 'end': '645.200', 'text': "consistent at all. Okay, let's go for a"}, {'start': '643.200', 'end': '647.839', 'text': 'ride in my open jeep. I took the doors'}, {'start': '645.200', 'end': '651.440', 'text': "off, so it's extra terrifying. In fact,"}, {'start': '647.839', 'end': '654.000', 'text': "you're so smart, I thought you'd be the"}, {'start': '651.440', 'end': '656.880', 'text': 'perfect person to maybe take the SAT for'}, {'start': '654.000', 'end': '658.640', 'text': 'me. What? But that would be wrong. Well,'}, {'start': '656.880', 'end': '660.800', 'text': 'I suppose you may look at it that way,'}, {'start': '658.640', 'end': '663.600', 'text': 'but a wise book once said, "With the'}, {'start': '660.800', 'end': '665.519', 'text': 'heart at stake, right and wrong is a'}, {'start': '663.600', 'end': '668.399', 'text': 'stake through the heart." That one\'s on'}, {'start': '665.519', 'end': '672.000', 'text': 'the cover. Wow. And snared by my own'}, {'start': '668.399', 'end': '673.600', 'text': 'verbal trap. Well played me through you.'}, {'start': '672.000', 'end': '675.680', 'text': "All right, Meg. I'll take that test for"}, {'start': '673.600', 'end': '677.760', 'text': "you. So, you're saying I can have"}, {'start': '675.680', 'end': '679.600', 'text': 'something that looks exactly like me,'}, {'start': '677.760', 'end': '682.720', 'text': "seem like it's enjoying spending time"}, {'start': '679.600', 'end': '686.320', 'text': 'with its family? Precisely. Can I have'}, {'start': '682.720', 'end': '689.519', 'text': "it? I'm afraid not. It's my only one."}, {'start': '686.320', 'end': '691.360', 'text': 'Maybe there are other arrangements we'}, {'start': '689.519', 'end': '693.600', 'text': 'can make.'}, {'start': '691.360', 'end': '695.760', 'text': 'Boy, this is the first button-down shirt'}, {'start': '693.600', 'end': '698.079', 'text': "that looks great untucked. It's an"}, {'start': '695.760', 'end': '699.440', 'text': "untuck it. What's their secret? Well,"}, {'start': '698.079', 'end': '703.040', 'text': 'they just make shirts a tiny bit'}, {'start': '699.440', 'end': '706.160', 'text': 'shorter. Genius.'}, {'start': '703.040', 'end': '708.720', 'text': "Hi Daddy, it's Lois from this weekend."}, {'start': '706.160', 'end': '711.920', 'text': 'Had such a great time with my family.'}, {'start': '708.720', 'end': '714.480', 'text': 'Three exclamations, three smiley faces.'}, {'start': '711.920', 'end': '716.800', 'text': 'Thank you again for hosting. Pray a'}, {'start': '714.480', 'end': '720.120', 'text': "hands emoji. Your flashlight's still on,"}, {'start': '716.800', 'end': '722.880', 'text': 'you old [\xa0__\xa0] Oh,'}, {'start': '720.120', 'end': '725.600', 'text': 'that forgot to grab one for Chris. You'}, {'start': '722.880', 'end': '728.240', 'text': 'absolute ancient hag. And we all love'}, {'start': '725.600', 'end': '730.480', 'text': 'the Italian food. Oh, you like Italian'}, {'start': '728.240', 'end': '732.160', 'text': "food. Want a meatball? Yeah, I'm going"}, {'start': '730.480', 'end': '734.000', 'text': "to pass on that. But it's a shame we"}, {'start': '732.160', 'end': '736.639', 'text': "can't get good Italian food like this in"}, {'start': '734.000', 'end': '738.639', 'text': 'Khog. Well, maybe the three of us ought'}, {'start': '736.639', 'end': '741.120', 'text': 'to open an Italian restaurant there.'}, {'start': '738.639', 'end': '744.160', 'text': 'Open our own Italian restaurant. I say'}, {'start': '741.120', 'end': '746.320', 'text': 'that sounds fun. You uh you keep'}, {'start': '744.160', 'end': '748.320', 'text': 'meatballs in your jacket. Oh, yeah. All'}, {'start': '746.320', 'end': '750.079', 'text': 'my pockets are lined with Reynolds wrap.'}, {'start': '748.320', 'end': '752.639', 'text': 'I learned that from my old buddies Dean'}, {'start': '750.079', 'end': '754.880', 'text': 'Martin Jr., Joey Bishop Jr., and Sammy'}, {'start': '752.639', 'end': '757.040', 'text': 'Davis III. Peter, I know exactly where'}, {'start': '754.880', 'end': '759.279', 'text': "you're coming from. You quagmire, you"}, {'start': '757.040', 'end': '761.040', 'text': 'enjoy pornography, too. Yep. And I know'}, {'start': '759.279', 'end': '763.519', 'text': "that a man's porn collection must be"}, {'start': '761.040', 'end': '764.959', 'text': 'secured and protected at all costs until'}, {'start': '763.519', 'end': '767.519', 'text': 'he gets ashamed of it and ditches it in'}, {'start': '764.959', 'end': '769.279', 'text': "an alley behind a Kroger's. Hey, I know."}, {'start': '767.519', 'end': '771.519', 'text': 'What if we break into my old house and'}, {'start': '769.279', 'end': '773.519', 'text': 'steal back my big box of pornos? What do'}, {'start': '771.519', 'end': '774.959', 'text': 'you say? You guys with me? You bet. Sure'}, {'start': '773.519', 'end': '777.600', 'text': "thing, Peter. I mean, come on. We're a"}, {'start': '774.959', 'end': '779.839', 'text': 'team like fish and chips and fat guys.'}, {'start': '777.600', 'end': '781.920', 'text': 'Good afternoon, fans, and welcome to'}, {'start': '779.839', 'end': '784.240', 'text': "Minor League Baseball. I'm your"}, {'start': '781.920', 'end': '786.639', 'text': 'announcer, Johnny Feedback Robinson,'}, {'start': '784.240', 'end': '789.200', 'text': 'here to tell you about all the Hold on.'}, {'start': '786.639', 'end': '792.639', 'text': 'Hold on. Step back from the mic like'}, {'start': '789.200', 'end': '795.040', 'text': "this. Okay, now for tonight's starting"}, {'start': '792.639', 'end': '798.399', 'text': 'lineup. First, your coach, Frank,'}, {'start': '795.040', 'end': '800.480', 'text': 'Cardiac Arrest Ross.'}, {'start': '798.399', 'end': '803.200', 'text': "And the pitching coach, Bill, doesn't"}, {'start': '800.480', 'end': '805.040', 'text': 'know CPR. McGillicuy.'}, {'start': '803.200', 'end': '807.920', 'text': 'Damn it. Where am I going to get another'}, {'start': '805.040', 'end': '809.760', 'text': "coach? This is so exciting. I've never"}, {'start': '807.920', 'end': '811.760', 'text': 'been to a fancy White House party'}, {'start': '809.760', 'end': '814.079', 'text': "before. We're happy you're here, Mrs."}, {'start': '811.760', 'end': '816.079', 'text': "Griffin, Mr. Griffin. And we're glad you"}, {'start': '814.079', 'end': '818.480', 'text': 'brought your two children and former'}, {'start': '816.079', 'end': '820.240', 'text': "Governor Chris Christie. That's like the"}, {'start': '818.480', 'end': '822.160', 'text': "fourth person who's called Meg Chris"}, {'start': '820.240', 'end': '824.560', 'text': 'Christie.'}, {'start': '822.160', 'end': '827.040', 'text': "Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry everyone thinks"}, {'start': '824.560', 'end': '829.440', 'text': "you're a historically unpopular fatso"}, {'start': '827.040', 'end': '832.480', 'text': 'from New Jersey. Whatever. I just want'}, {'start': '829.440', 'end': '835.440', 'text': "to go home. Dad, isn't that our ping"}, {'start': '832.480', 'end': '837.839', 'text': "pong table? I don't know. Let me imagine"}, {'start': '835.440', 'end': '841.480', 'text': 'it with lots of paint cans on top of it.'}, {'start': '837.839', 'end': '841.480', 'text': "Hey, that's ours."}, {'start': '842.880', 'end': '846.160', 'text': 'Wow, Cleveland, looks like you got the'}, {'start': '844.480', 'end': '847.600', 'text': 'most popular place on the block. You'}, {'start': '846.160', 'end': '850.079', 'text': 'really fixed this thing up. Can I play'}, {'start': '847.600', 'end': '852.240', 'text': "winner? Uh, yeah. There's a line, bub."}, {'start': '850.079', 'end': '855.120', 'text': 'The line starts all the way back in that'}, {'start': '852.240', 'end': '858.839', 'text': 'burning barn.'}, {'start': '855.120', 'end': '858.839', 'text': 'Hey, no cuts.'}, {'start': '860.959', 'end': '864.560', 'text': 'Okay, guys. Now, the murder took place'}, {'start': '862.720', 'end': '866.079', 'text': "down here in the basement, so it's"}, {'start': '864.560', 'end': '868.959', 'text': 'probably our best shot at finding'}, {'start': '866.079', 'end': '871.839', 'text': 'something. I do feel a presence in the'}, {'start': '868.959', 'end': '874.880', 'text': 'air. Only Lucifer would reveal himself'}, {'start': '871.839', 'end': '877.360', 'text': 'to you, adulterer. Well, now I have to'}, {'start': '874.880', 'end': '881.880', 'text': "warn you, fellas. The only spirits I'm"}, {'start': '877.360', 'end': '881.880', 'text': 'used to chasing are whiskey and tequila.'}, {'start': '881.920', 'end': '887.040', 'text': "Peter, we act like we didn't take a lot"}, {'start': '884.320', 'end': '891.399', 'text': 'from the Simpsons. We took a lot from'}, {'start': '887.040', 'end': '891.399', 'text': 'the Simpsons. Damn it.'}, {'start': '892.800', 'end': '897.360', 'text': 'Oh my god. What happened to your side of'}, {'start': '894.639', 'end': '899.920', 'text': "the bed? These springs are shot and it's"}, {'start': '897.360', 'end': '903.880', 'text': 'all damp over here. Are the Are these'}, {'start': '899.920', 'end': '906.959', 'text': "mushrooms? That's where Smurfs is."}, {'start': '903.880', 'end': '908.800', 'text': 'Ah, Smurves.'}, {'start': '906.959', 'end': '910.880', 'text': "Well, I'm off to San Francisco with the"}, {'start': '908.800', 'end': '913.360', 'text': "guys. Okay. I'm off to Hilton Head with"}, {'start': '910.880', 'end': '915.600', 'text': 'the girls. You what? Peter, I told you'}, {'start': '913.360', 'end': '917.600', 'text': "about this a month ago. I'm going with"}, {'start': '915.600', 'end': '919.680', 'text': "Bonnie and Donna to Donna's sister's"}, {'start': '917.600', 'end': '921.920', 'text': "time share. Well, we can't both go on a"}, {'start': '919.680', 'end': '924.639', 'text': "trip at the same time. I'm sorry, Peter,"}, {'start': '921.920', 'end': '926.240', 'text': 'but I already have a taxi waiting. All'}, {'start': '924.639', 'end': '928.880', 'text': "right, I'll go tell the guys I'm not"}, {'start': '926.240', 'end': '930.560', 'text': 'going. Why is he taking his suitcase to'}, {'start': '928.880', 'end': '932.079', 'text': 'tell the guys? You guys, come on. We got'}, {'start': '930.560', 'end': '933.199', 'text': "to go now. Let's go. Move it. I'm in the"}, {'start': '932.079', 'end': '936.639', 'text': "shower. It doesn't matter. We're"}, {'start': '933.199', 'end': '938.160', 'text': "stealing Lois's cab. Hey guys, St. Lois."}, {'start': '936.639', 'end': '940.160', 'text': 'I know you said this trip was couples'}, {'start': '938.160', 'end': '943.199', 'text': "only, but great news. We're now a"}, {'start': '940.160', 'end': '944.880', 'text': "couple. Wow. Who's this? This is Kimmy."}, {'start': '943.199', 'end': '947.040', 'text': 'I met her in a pop-up window on the'}, {'start': '944.880', 'end': '948.800', 'text': 'internet. She was in my area. Hi, Peter'}, {'start': '947.040', 'end': '951.360', 'text': 'Griffin. All but separated. Oh, right'}, {'start': '948.800', 'end': '952.720', 'text': 'on. All right. Well, I suppose I could'}, {'start': '951.360', 'end': '954.720', 'text': 'look into adding you two to the'}, {'start': '952.720', 'end': '956.320', 'text': 'reservation. Yeah, you guys should'}, {'start': '954.720', 'end': '958.800', 'text': 'definitely come. Yeah, this is going to'}, {'start': '956.320', 'end': '958.800', 'text': 'be awesome.'}]