[刘一朵]99新二手出，健身房去兩次得了卡也出掉#搞笑 #搞笑段子 #回忆 #校园 #日常 #娱乐#反转 #沙雕
劉壹朵Liuyiduo
[{'start': '0.166', 'end': '1.333', 'text': 'I was a gourmet when I was a child.'}, {'start': '1.333', 'end': '3.866', 'text': 'I like to eat instant noodles with soaked noodles.'}, {'start': '4.100', 'end': '6.133', 'text': 'I like to eat instant noodles with dry noodles'}, {'start': '6.500', 'end': '7.866', 'text': ". You guys can't do this. Look at me."}, {'start': '7.866', 'end': '9.133', 'text': 'I soaked rice with Sprite.'}, {'start': '9.800', 'end': '11.566', 'text': 'These three kids are not very smart,'}, {'start': '13.766', 'end': '15.400', 'text': "so let's go out and buy something to eat."}, {'start': '16.066', 'end': '16.866', 'text': 'Is there beef in'}, {'start': '18.733', 'end': '19.966', 'text': 'the beef with mushrooms'}, {'start': '20.200', 'end': '21.466', 'text': '? What are you'}, {'start': '21.466', 'end': '23.566', 'text': 'doing for Lightning Shuang?'}, {'start': '28.100', 'end': '29.300', 'text': 'Boss, this is'}, {'start': '29.666', 'end': '31.200', 'text': 'This is a new effervescent tablet'}, {'start': '31.500', 'end': '33.166', 'text': 'that can be turned into a drink by putting it in water'}, {'start': '36.066', 'end': '37.333', 'text': '. Hahahaha'}, {'start': '37.333', 'end': '39.066', 'text': ". I'm going to go to you. You're poisoned."}, {'start': '39.066', 'end': '40.200', 'text': "I'm going to get you a bottle of water."}, {'start': '40.566', 'end': '42.300', 'text': "I'm going to attack."}, {'start': '42.300', 'end': '44.700', 'text': 'Why? Because he can be a water gun'}, {'start': '44.800', 'end': '46.000', 'text': ', eat ants'}, {'start': '46.100', 'end': '47.133', 'text': ', and be free.'}, {'start': '47.700', 'end': '49.933', 'text': 'Come home, your car is so handsome.'}, {'start': '49.933', 'end': '50.866', 'text': 'Oh,'}, {'start': '51.933', 'end': '54.000', 'text': "it's tasteless"}, {'start': '55.000', 'end': '57.733', 'text': '. Just give it a try. Wow'}, {'start': '59.566', 'end': '61.000', 'text': ", that's a weird"}, {'start': '61.400', 'end': '63.166', 'text': 'campus oolong incident, oh'}, {'start': '64.766', 'end': '65.566', 'text': ', oh,'}, {'start': '67.200', 'end': '68.966', 'text': 'oh, principal,'}, {'start': '69.000', 'end': '70.066', 'text': "oh, classmate, I'm sorry"}, {'start': '70.766', 'end': '72.966', 'text': ', Yiduo and the principal,'}, {'start': '72.966', 'end': '73.733', 'text': "why don't you take my car,"}, {'start': '73.733', 'end': '74.466', 'text': "I'll take you to school,"}, {'start': '74.466', 'end': '75.933', 'text': "no need, I'm fine"}, {'start': '75.966', 'end': '76.766', 'text': ', what'}, {'start': '77.500', 'end': '78.200', 'text': 'did he just say,'}, {'start': '78.200', 'end': '79.166', 'text': "I'm fine"}, {'start': '79.266', 'end': '81.466', 'text': ', no need to do the previous sentence,'}, {'start': '81.700', 'end': '83.600', 'text': "Yiduo is the principal's son,"}, {'start': '84.733', 'end': '85.600', 'text': 'I know what class'}, {'start': '85.600', 'end': '88.333', 'text': 'is called. What name, oh, oh,'}, {'start': '89.900', 'end': '90.700', 'text': 'how can it'}, {'start': '90.766', 'end': '91.566', 'text': 'look nothing like'}, {'start': '91.666', 'end': '92.566', 'text': 'a real or fake'}, {'start': '92.566', 'end': '94.100', 'text': '? Hahaha, Yiduo,'}, {'start': '94.100', 'end': '95.266', 'text': 'why don’t I take you to the hospital for a checkup?'}, {'start': '95.266', 'end': '95.933', 'text': 'I don’t have to'}, {'start': '95.933', 'end': '98.600', 'text': '. Hahaha, why don’t you just say it? Do you'}, {'start': '98.600', 'end': '99.966', 'text': 'still need to remember the name?'}, {'start': '100.000', 'end': '101.300', 'text': 'Wow, how dare we?'}, {'start': '101.300', 'end': '103.700', 'text': 'Please come in, please come in, hahaha,'}, {'start': '106.666', 'end': '108.200', 'text': 'classmates, let’s take a look at the 3rd chapter The question'}, {'start': '109.966', 'end': '110.766', 'text': 'is'}, {'start': '117.400', 'end': '118.366', 'text': 'wrong.'}, {'start': '118.366', 'end': '119.333', 'text': 'There is a Duo whose surname'}, {'start': '119.333', 'end': '120.333', 'text': 'is Liu. My surname is Wang.'}, {'start': '120.333', 'end': '122.400', 'text': 'Hey, I don’t believe that he is the principal’s son'}, {'start': '122.400', 'end': '123.800', 'text': '. It must be a coincidence.'}, {'start': '123.900', 'end': '127.533', 'text': 'Hey, Principal,'}, {'start': '127.533', 'end': '128.266', 'text': 'how are these legs?'}, {'start': '128.266', 'end': '129.266', 'text': 'Does it still hurt?'}, {'start': '129.266', 'end': '132.100', 'text': 'Okay. Yiduo and the principal are chatting'}, {'start': '132.100', 'end': '132.900', 'text': 'outside.'}, {'start': '134.866', 'end': '135.666', 'text': 'Look, look'}, {'start': '136.766', 'end': '138.700', 'text': '. Oh, that car in front of me this morning,'}, {'start': '138.766', 'end': '140.000', 'text': "left, right. I didn't see you"}, {'start': '141.866', 'end': '142.866', 'text': 'for a moment'}, {'start': '143.066', 'end': '146.200', 'text': "and then I stepped on the accelerator. Ouch, I'm out."}, {'start': '147.000', 'end': '148.600', 'text': 'Hahaha.'}, {'start': '148.600', 'end': '150.166', 'text': 'Fortunately, I got in the car in time.'}, {'start': '150.466', 'end': '152.100', 'text': "Don't worry, I'm really fine."}, {'start': '152.266', 'end': '154.133', 'text': "Then I'll go first. Bye"}, {'start': '157.166', 'end': '158.400', 'text': "Yunduo. Come out and I'll see you off."}, {'start': '158.400', 'end': '159.200', 'text': "I'll see you"}, {'start': '159.700', 'end': '160.933', 'text': 'off. Come to me'}, {'start': '161.366', 'end': '163.166', 'text': '. Hahaha. You dare to sit in my car. My'}, {'start': '163.166', 'end': '164.566', 'text': 'car is so fast.'}, {'start': '164.566', 'end': '165.000', 'text': 'Hey, teacher.'}, {'start': '165.000', 'end': '166.300', 'text': 'Why are you all so nice to me?'}, {'start': '166.300', 'end': '167.133', 'text': 'Stop pretending that'}, {'start': '167.133', 'end': '167.900', 'text': "you are the principal's son."}, {'start': '167.900', 'end': '169.400', 'text': 'We all know it.'}, {'start': '169.400', 'end': '170.900', 'text': 'Please take care of us in the future.'}, {'start': '170.900', 'end': '172.133', 'text': "It's not because I was hit by the principal"}, {'start': '172.133', 'end': '173.266', 'text': 'in the morning'}, {'start': '173.266', 'end': '174.266', 'text': 'and you all misunderstood him and'}, {'start': '174.266', 'end': '175.266', 'text': 'thought he was me.'}, {'start': '178.300', 'end': '180.566', 'text': 'Hahaha. Oolong in the workplace.'}, {'start': '180.566', 'end': '183.500', 'text': 'I know that dad is urging me every day. The son of the blind date'}, {'start': '183.733', 'end': '185.533', 'text': 'chairman is here for an interview today.'}, {'start': '185.533', 'end': '186.500', 'text': 'You go through'}, {'start': '186.500', 'end': '187.700', 'text': 'the motions. Okay, he should be here soon.'}, {'start': '187.900', 'end': '189.600', 'text': 'Hey, I think I saw him.'}, {'start': '189.600', 'end': '190.566', 'text': 'Hello, hello'}, {'start': '191.600', 'end': '193.100', 'text': '. Yes,'}, {'start': '193.100', 'end': '194.466', 'text': 'my dad asked me to come.'}, {'start': '194.466', 'end': '195.933', 'text': 'Please, please,'}, {'start': '195.933', 'end': '196.766', 'text': 'please go on'}, {'start': '197.866', 'end': '199.100', 'text': 'a blind date. So polite'}, {'start': '202.533', 'end': '203.966', 'text': '. The blind date is so formal.'}, {'start': '206.900', 'end': '208.333', 'text': 'The blind date also involves mom.'}, {'start': '208.666', 'end': '210.366', 'text': 'We are all aware of your situation. Understood,'}, {'start': '210.366', 'end': '211.533', 'text': "let's just"}, {'start': '211.533', 'end': '213.466', 'text': "give you 50,000 a month. Do you think it's okay?"}, {'start': '213.966', 'end': '214.966', 'text': "It's so direct. You"}, {'start': '215.066', 'end': '216.666', 'text': 'want me to be your son-in-law?'}, {'start': '216.700', 'end': '217.966', 'text': 'What do you think of me'}, {'start': '218.666', 'end': '220.400', 'text': "? Isn't it just a 50,000 birthday"}, {'start': '220.600', 'end': '222.700', 'text': "? After all, I'm the son of the chairman."}, {'start': '223.133', 'end': '225.300', 'text': 'Then 200,000 a month is okay.'}, {'start': '227.366', 'end': '229.300', 'text': "You can't talk nonsense these days. You can say it"}, {'start': '229.300', 'end': '230.200', 'text': 'again. Am'}, {'start': '230.200', 'end': '232.866', 'text': 'I too stupid?'}, {'start': '233.100', 'end': '235.133', 'text': 'If you add bonuses, it will be three or four hundred thousand a month.'}, {'start': '235.133', 'end': '236.500', 'text': 'All you have to do is'}, {'start': '236.600', 'end': '237.933', 'text': 'see you drinking tea in the group'}, {'start': '237.966', 'end': '240.000', 'text': '. The group'}, {'start': '240.000', 'end': '242.000', 'text': 'is afraid that I will take the money directly and hurt my self-esteem.'}, {'start': '242.000', 'end': '243.300', 'text': 'They will also find me a job.'}, {'start': '244.666', 'end': '246.733', 'text': 'But I am also quite satisfied with you.'}, {'start': '247.000', 'end': '249.666', 'text': 'So, are we'}, {'start': '250.300', 'end': '253.466', 'text': 'two directors ? The eldest son has fallen in love with you,'}, {'start': '253.866', 'end': '255.600', 'text': 'I can, I can'}, {'start': '255.600', 'end': '256.933', 'text': ', hahaha'}, {'start': '257.800', 'end': '259.600', 'text': ', when these are also supported by'}, {'start': '260.766', 'end': '261.733', 'text': 'this plan, whoever made it,'}, {'start': '261.733', 'end': '263.000', 'text': 'apply'}, {'start': '263.700', 'end': '265.733', 'text': 'for his promotion and salary increase , report their'}, {'start': '265.733', 'end': '267.166', 'text': 'son-in-law, it’s good. I'}, {'start': '267.166', 'end': '268.933', 'text': 'got a promotion and salary increase on my first day at work.'}, {'start': '269.500', 'end': '271.333', 'text': 'Hello, where is the interview?'}, {'start': '273.266', 'end': '274.300', 'text': 'The campus oolong incident'}, {'start': '274.966', 'end': '275.866', 'text': 'is over.'}, {'start': '276.066', 'end': '278.000', 'text': 'Jinbao was raped by the senior in the toilet.'}, {'start': '278.300', 'end': '279.700', 'text': "What's going on in the grade ? Jinbao"}, {'start': '279.700', 'end': '281.700', 'text': 'is out of toilet paper in the toilet. When I came,'}, {'start': '283.200', 'end': '284.733', 'text': "he didn't think about anything and went straight to"}, {'start': '284.900', 'end': '285.533', 'text': 'the upper grade.'}, {'start': '285.533', 'end': '287.400', 'text': "He's not afraid. I'm definitely not simple."}, {'start': '289.533', 'end': '291.200', 'text': 'Oh, hahaha'}, {'start': '291.200', 'end': '292.766', 'text': ". Is there one that's okay"}, {'start': '292.766', 'end': '293.800', 'text': "? It's okay."}, {'start': '293.800', 'end': '295.000', 'text': 'The pimple was squeezed by the door'}, {'start': '295.000', 'end': '296.500', 'text': '. Teacher'}, {'start': '296.500', 'end': '297.533', 'text': ", Jinbao, there's no paper in the toilet. Please"}, {'start': '297.533', 'end': '299.466', 'text': 'help me deliver it.'}, {'start': '299.966', 'end': '301.066', 'text': "Okay, it's mine."}, {'start': '302.200', 'end': '305.266', 'text': 'One pimple , hahaha,'}, {'start': '306.100', 'end': '306.933', 'text': "I've solved"}, {'start': '307.466', 'end': '310.966', 'text': "this little thing. I've solved this blood on your head."}, {'start': '311.100', 'end': '311.900', 'text': "What's the"}, {'start': '311.900', 'end': '313.200', 'text': 'matter? Try to do it like this.'}, {'start': '313.200', 'end': '314.166', 'text': 'Hahaha, wow,'}, {'start': '314.166', 'end': '315.666', 'text': "it's so fierce."}, {'start': '316.933', 'end': '318.400', 'text': "Oh, I can't even enter the men's room."}, {'start': '318.400', 'end': '319.366', 'text': 'Come on,'}, {'start': '319.366', 'end': '320.533', 'text': 'you students, come out.'}, {'start': '320.666', 'end': '322.366', 'text': "I'm going. Teacher is here."}, {'start': '322.766', 'end': '325.000', 'text': 'Teacher, run fast, run,'}, {'start': '325.000', 'end': '326.066', 'text': 'run, run, run'}, {'start': '326.100', 'end': '328.300', 'text': ', run, hahaha'}, {'start': '328.533', 'end': '329.300', 'text': ', Jin. Bao,'}, {'start': '329.300', 'end': '332.000', 'text': 'you always ask me to come over and give you a piece of paper.'}, {'start': '334.200', 'end': '336.133', 'text': 'I can subdue others without a fight.'}, {'start': '336.200', 'end': '337.733', 'text': 'You are too clever.'}, {'start': '338.100', 'end': '339.066', 'text': 'I tell you,'}, {'start': '339.133', 'end': '340.200', 'text': 'the school bully'}, {'start': '340.200', 'end': '341.533', 'text': 'will not dare to bully me'}, {'start': '341.700', 'end': '342.500', 'text': 'if Duo is so'}, {'start': '343.400', 'end': '345.933', 'text': 'talkative. You are so awesome . You can make the school bully pee with one hand.'}, {'start': '345.966', 'end': '346.866', 'text': 'You are so powerful .'}, {'start': '347.666', 'end': '348.900', 'text': 'I am like the old school bully. The school'}, {'start': '348.900', 'end': '350.800', 'text': 'bully is scared to see it. Ah,'}, {'start': '351.966', 'end': '353.766', 'text': 'brother, they said that Liu Yiduo is the gang boss.'}, {'start': '353.766', 'end': '354.800', 'text': 'Do you believe the rumors?'}, {'start': '354.800', 'end': '356.766', 'text': 'I will be here today waiting for him to finish school'}, {'start': '357.800', 'end': '358.533', 'text': '. He'}, {'start': '358.533', 'end': '359.933', 'text': 'will leave.'}, {'start': '360.200', 'end': '361.566', 'text': 'Wait a minute. Yiduo,'}, {'start': '362.533', 'end': '363.733', 'text': 'thank you for your directions last time'}, {'start': '363.733', 'end': '365.700', 'text': '. It ’s all trivial.'}, {'start': '365.700', 'end': '366.800', 'text': 'Brother, they know each other.'}, {'start': '366.933', 'end': '368.300', 'text': 'Oh, it’s a little rainy today.'}, {'start': '368.300', 'end': '369.333', 'text': 'Where are you going? I’ll see you off.'}, {'start': '369.333', 'end': '371.133', 'text': 'No need. My dad is just in front. Meet me face to face,'}, {'start': '371.133', 'end': '371.933', 'text': "then I'll take you there."}, {'start': '371.933', 'end': '372.733', 'text': "I don't have an umbrella"}, {'start': '375.500', 'end': '376.600', 'text': '. Enchantment is holding an umbrella for him.'}, {'start': '376.800', 'end': '378.366', 'text': 'Oh, your car is very good'}, {'start': '378.666', 'end': '382.866', 'text': '. Hahaha. This is Enchantment in a meeting'}, {'start': '382.866', 'end': '383.766', 'text': '. Hahaha.'}, {'start': '383.766', 'end': '384.800', 'text': 'You see your dad.'}, {'start': '385.133', 'end': '386.866', 'text': 'My dad seems to be chatting with the guard over there.'}, {'start': '388.100', 'end': '389.700', 'text': 'He seems to be pointing us'}, {'start': '390.266', 'end': '393.400', 'text': 'to fuck. My dad, no, no, no, hahaha.'}]