The Gunfighter | A Short Film by Eric Kissack (narrated by Nick Offerman)
MAGNETFILM
[{'start': '0.739', 'end': '4.406', 'text': '(dramatic orchestral music)'}, {'start': '13.973', 'end': '16.973', 'text': '(people chattering)'}, {'start': '35.437', 'end': '36.628', 'text': '- [Narrator] The weary gunfighter'}, {'start': '36.628', 'end': '39.108', 'text': 'walked slowly through the saloon.'}, {'start': '39.108', 'end': '42.916', 'text': 'The long miles from Cheyenne\nhad taken their toll.'}, {'start': '42.916', 'end': '44.469', 'text': "- Who's saying that stuff?"}, {'start': '44.469', 'end': '47.445', 'text': '- [Narrator] He scanned the\nroom with a suspicious eye.'}, {'start': '47.445', 'end': '49.983', 'text': 'Years of being on the\nwrong side of the law'}, {'start': '49.983', 'end': '53.629', 'text': 'had taught him that a tough\nman can get out of a situation,'}, {'start': '53.629', 'end': '56.108', 'text': 'but a smart man never\ngets himself into one.'}, {'start': '56.108', 'end': '57.708', 'text': '- Please quit doing that, I just want to'}, {'start': '57.708', 'end': '59.892', 'text': 'have a shot of whiskey in peace.'}, {'start': '59.892', 'end': '62.326', 'text': '- [Narrator] But the\ngunfighter would find no peace.'}, {'start': '62.326', 'end': '64.516', 'text': 'For the Henderson boys\nwere waiting in the corner'}, {'start': '64.516', 'end': '68.860', 'text': 'to kill him for the\n$200 bounty on his head.'}, {'start': '68.860', 'end': '70.110', 'text': '- Is that true?'}, {'start': '71.073', 'end': '74.253', 'text': 'You boys trying to kill me\nlike this voice is saying?'}, {'start': '74.253', 'end': '75.086', 'text': '- Uhh...'}, {'start': '76.644', 'end': '77.676', 'text': 'No.'}, {'start': '77.676', 'end': '79.504', 'text': '- [Narrator] Lied the\noldest Henderson boy.'}, {'start': '79.504', 'end': '80.476', 'text': "- How do you know I'm lying?"}, {'start': '80.476', 'end': '82.684', 'text': '- [Narrator] The oldest\nHenderson boy asked of the air.'}, {'start': '82.684', 'end': '84.193', 'text': "- No, I didn't ask the air."}, {'start': '84.193', 'end': '87.026', 'text': "I'm asking you, you fuckin' voice."}, {'start': '87.985', 'end': '89.839', 'text': '- [Narrator] Said the\noldest Henderson boy.'}, {'start': '89.839', 'end': '90.672', 'text': '- Would you please stop saying'}, {'start': '90.672', 'end': '92.473', 'text': '"Said the oldest Henderson boy"?'}, {'start': '92.473', 'end': '96.209', 'text': '- [Narrator] Implored Tommy,\nthe oldest Henderson boy.'}, {'start': '96.209', 'end': '98.662', 'text': "Meanwhile, the younger\nHenderson's hand twitched"}, {'start': '98.662', 'end': '101.123', 'text': 'by the Colt Peacemaker on his right hip.'}, {'start': '101.123', 'end': '103.090', 'text': 'He was thinking of shouting\n"Look out behind you"'}, {'start': '103.090', 'end': '105.401', 'text': 'to trick the gunfighter\ninto turning around'}, {'start': '105.401', 'end': '107.001', 'text': 'so he could shoot him in the back.'}, {'start': '107.001', 'end': '108.233', 'text': '- No, I was not!'}, {'start': '108.233', 'end': '110.260', 'text': '- Come on, Johnny, again\nwith the "Look behind you"?'}, {'start': '110.260', 'end': '112.409', 'text': 'What were you gonna say\nwas behind him this time?'}, {'start': '112.409', 'end': '113.652', 'text': '- Uhh, nothing.'}, {'start': '113.652', 'end': '114.810', 'text': '- [Narrator] Johnny lied.'}, {'start': '114.810', 'end': '116.802', 'text': 'He was going to say a bear.'}, {'start': '116.802', 'end': '117.635', 'text': '- Oh, come on.'}, {'start': '117.635', 'end': '118.468', 'text': '(people laughing)'}, {'start': '118.468', 'end': '120.336', 'text': '- A bear, Johnny? In a saloon?'}, {'start': '120.336', 'end': '122.104', 'text': "- [Narrator] Johnny's face turned red."}, {'start': '122.104', 'end': '124.576', 'text': 'He began wishing he was in a safe place'}, {'start': '124.576', 'end': '127.680', 'text': 'at home, in bed, with his dolls.'}, {'start': '127.680', 'end': '129.502', 'text': '(Johnny scoffs)'}, {'start': '129.502', 'end': '131.590', 'text': "Hey, hey, I ain't got no dolls!"}, {'start': '131.590', 'end': '133.553', 'text': '- [Narrator] To calm his\nnerves, he pictured himself'}, {'start': '133.553', 'end': '137.725', 'text': "combing his dolls' hair and\npouring them each a cup of tea."}, {'start': '137.725', 'end': '139.122', 'text': '- No!'}, {'start': '139.122', 'end': '140.662', 'text': '- Wait, wait, wait.'}, {'start': '140.662', 'end': '143.745', 'text': 'You have tea parties with your dolls?'}, {'start': '144.785', 'end': '145.681', 'text': '- [Narrator] But something about'}, {'start': '145.681', 'end': '147.520', 'text': "the younger Henderson's vulnerability"}, {'start': '147.520', 'end': '149.840', 'text': "opened a door in the gunfighter's heart."}, {'start': '149.840', 'end': '151.808', 'text': "- Nope, no it didn't!"}, {'start': '151.808', 'end': '154.160', 'text': '- [Narrator] Inside, a\nsea of confusing emotions'}, {'start': '154.160', 'end': '155.476', 'text': 'bubbled to the surface.'}, {'start': '155.476', 'end': '156.309', 'text': '- No.'}, {'start': '156.309', 'end': '157.809', 'text': '- [Narrator] He started imagining himself'}, {'start': '157.809', 'end': '159.226', 'text': 'holding the younger Henderson'}, {'start': '159.226', 'end': '161.275', 'text': 'and stroking his greasy hair.'}, {'start': '161.275', 'end': '162.108', 'text': '- No!'}, {'start': '162.108', 'end': '163.280', 'text': '- [Narrator] He pictured his first kiss'}, {'start': '163.280', 'end': '164.464', 'text': 'with the younger Henderson.'}, {'start': '164.464', 'end': '165.297', 'text': '- No, that--'}, {'start': '165.297', 'end': '166.744', 'text': '- [Narrator] They both\ngiggle at how clumsy it was.'}, {'start': '166.744', 'end': '167.577', 'text': '- No.'}, {'start': '167.577', 'end': '169.570', 'text': '- [Narrator] They know the\nnext one will be even better.'}, {'start': '169.570', 'end': '171.459', 'text': "- I'm seriously not picturing that!"}, {'start': '171.459', 'end': '172.715', 'text': '- [Narrator] But inside he was.'}, {'start': '172.715', 'end': '173.810', 'text': "- No, I'm not!"}, {'start': '173.810', 'end': '174.691', 'text': '- [Narrator] But he was.'}, {'start': '174.691', 'end': '178.024', 'text': "- No, I'm not and that's the final word."}, {'start': '186.910', 'end': '187.743', 'text': '- [Narrator] But he was.'}, {'start': '187.743', 'end': '188.743', 'text': '- Goddamnit!'}, {'start': '189.984', 'end': '192.144', 'text': "- Why don't you two go get a room?"}, {'start': '192.144', 'end': '195.355', 'text': '- Hey, why should we\ntrust this voice anyway?'}, {'start': '195.355', 'end': '197.520', 'text': '- [Narrator] Just then,\nthe gunfighter had an idea.'}, {'start': '197.520', 'end': '198.411', 'text': '- Hey, you.'}, {'start': '198.411', 'end': '199.244', 'text': '- Me?'}, {'start': '199.244', 'end': '200.984', 'text': '- Think of a number between one and 100'}, {'start': '200.984', 'end': '202.557', 'text': "and then we'll see if this voice"}, {'start': '202.557', 'end': '204.131', 'text': "really knows what we're thinkin'!"}, {'start': '204.131', 'end': '205.699', 'text': '- Okay, got it.'}, {'start': '205.699', 'end': '207.548', 'text': '- [Narrator] Sally the\nwhore began thinking'}, {'start': '207.548', 'end': '211.140', 'text': 'of her favorite number, which was 32.'}, {'start': '211.140', 'end': '213.900', 'text': 'She then thought of her lady\nparts and how itchy they were'}, {'start': '213.900', 'end': '217.307', 'text': 'before deciding to change\nher mind and go with 76,'}, {'start': '217.307', 'end': '219.179', 'text': 'her second favorite number.'}, {'start': '219.179', 'end': '221.024', 'text': '- The voice is right!'}, {'start': '221.024', 'end': '223.335', 'text': '32 is my favorite number,'}, {'start': '223.335', 'end': '225.882', 'text': 'but then I changed my\nmind and went with 76!'}, {'start': '225.882', 'end': '227.574', 'text': '- And your cooch?'}, {'start': '227.574', 'end': '230.126', 'text': "- It's been itching something\nhorrible since Saturday, Bill."}, {'start': '230.126', 'end': '231.695', 'text': 'You know anything about that?'}, {'start': '231.695', 'end': '233.094', 'text': '- Uhh,'}, {'start': '233.094', 'end': '234.118', 'text': 'no.'}, {'start': '234.118', 'end': '237.510', 'text': "- [Narrator] He did, but\nwe'll get to that in a minute."}, {'start': '237.510', 'end': '239.858', 'text': '- Looks like that voice\nreally does know everything.'}, {'start': '239.858', 'end': '241.850', 'text': '- [Narrator] The gunfighter\nnoticed for the first time'}, {'start': '241.850', 'end': '244.050', 'text': 'that the bartender was black.'}, {'start': '244.050', 'end': '246.082', 'text': 'This was still unusual in the west,'}, {'start': '246.082', 'end': '249.442', 'text': 'but the gunfighter decided\nhe was okay with it.'}, {'start': '249.442', 'end': '250.609', 'text': '- Umm, thanks?'}, {'start': '251.677', 'end': '253.626', 'text': '- [Narrator] The people in\nthe town prided themselves'}, {'start': '253.626', 'end': '256.098', 'text': 'for their progressive\nattitudes about race.'}, {'start': '256.098', 'end': '257.218', 'text': "- That's right."}, {'start': '257.218', 'end': '258.755', 'text': '- [Narrator] But would\nthey still feel that way'}, {'start': '258.755', 'end': '260.618', 'text': 'if they knew that Sam had been sleeping'}, {'start': '260.618', 'end': '262.442', 'text': "with Ned Schilling's wife?"}, {'start': '262.442', 'end': '263.442', 'text': '- What!?'}, {'start': '263.442', 'end': '265.581', 'text': '- Relax, Ned, alright?'}, {'start': '265.581', 'end': '268.817', 'text': 'I mean, everyone has been with her.'}, {'start': '268.817', 'end': '269.769', 'text': '- Guilty.'}, {'start': '269.769', 'end': '271.556', 'text': "- Yeah, you're right."}, {'start': '271.556', 'end': '273.860', 'text': "- [Narrator] And Elijah Jessup's sister."}, {'start': '273.860', 'end': '275.778', 'text': "- Welp, it's time for him to die."}, {'start': '275.778', 'end': '277.897', 'text': '(cocking guns)'}, {'start': '277.897', 'end': '279.316', 'text': '- Watch yourself, Jessup.'}, {'start': '279.316', 'end': '281.554', 'text': "You best put that gun down\nor I'll cut you in half."}, {'start': '281.554', 'end': '284.221', 'text': '(ominous music)'}, {'start': '286.739', 'end': '287.822', 'text': '- That music,'}, {'start': '289.011', 'end': '290.826', 'text': "it seems kind of ominous, don't it?"}, {'start': '290.826', 'end': '291.659', 'text': '- Ominous.'}, {'start': '292.802', 'end': '293.946', 'text': "What's that mean?"}, {'start': '293.946', 'end': '296.246', 'text': "- You know, like, something\nbad's about to happen,"}, {'start': '296.246', 'end': '298.627', 'text': 'like a needless gunfight.'}, {'start': '298.627', 'end': '300.467', 'text': '- [Narrator] The stage\nwas set for an awesome'}, {'start': '300.467', 'end': '302.475', 'text': 'ballet of death.'}, {'start': '302.475', 'end': '304.907', 'text': 'Blood would be spilled,\nbut who would be the first?'}, {'start': '304.907', 'end': '305.923', 'text': '- Wait a second.'}, {'start': '305.923', 'end': '307.275', 'text': 'Ballet of death?'}, {'start': '307.275', 'end': '308.491', 'text': 'What the hell?'}, {'start': '308.491', 'end': '311.218', 'text': 'I think this voice wants\nus to kill each other.'}, {'start': '311.218', 'end': '313.321', 'text': '- [Narrator] Meanwhile, the\ngunfighter saw his opening'}, {'start': '313.321', 'end': '314.687', 'text': 'to shoot Tommy dead.'}, {'start': '314.687', 'end': '315.825', 'text': '- No, no, no, wait!'}, {'start': '315.825', 'end': '317.513', 'text': 'That one really is a lie, see?'}, {'start': '317.513', 'end': '319.145', 'text': "My hand's nowhere near my gun."}, {'start': '319.145', 'end': '320.441', 'text': '- [Narrator] Okay, you got me.'}, {'start': '320.441', 'end': '322.068', 'text': "That one wasn't true."}, {'start': '322.068', 'end': '323.164', 'text': 'But this one is.'}, {'start': '323.164', 'end': '325.305', 'text': 'Yesterday, Tommy Henderson made sweet love'}, {'start': '325.305', 'end': '326.712', 'text': "to Bill Jessup's wife."}, {'start': '326.712', 'end': '327.545', 'text': '- No!'}, {'start': '328.577', 'end': '330.279', 'text': 'You made sweet love to our mama?'}, {'start': '330.279', 'end': '333.991', 'text': "- (laughs uncomfortably)\nHere's the thing about that."}, {'start': '333.991', 'end': '335.674', 'text': "- Oh, you're dead, Henderson."}, {'start': '335.674', 'end': '337.727', 'text': '- [Narrator] Said Gabriel,\nwho had recently delivered'}, {'start': '337.727', 'end': '341.894', 'text': "a load of cream to the back\nporch of his brother's wife."}, {'start': '343.426', 'end': '344.617', 'text': 'He did her in the butt.'}, {'start': '344.617', 'end': '345.665', 'text': '- What!?'}, {'start': '345.665', 'end': '347.526', 'text': '- How could you? Your own brother!'}, {'start': '347.526', 'end': '350.010', 'text': '- [Narrator] Yet even as\nBill reacted with disgust,'}, {'start': '350.010', 'end': '351.863', 'text': 'the irony was not lost on him.'}, {'start': '351.863', 'end': '354.877', 'text': "- You know what, I see\nwhere you're goin' with this"}, {'start': '354.877', 'end': '357.732', 'text': "and I'm just gonna retract\nmy disgust right now"}, {'start': '357.732', 'end': '358.788', 'text': "if that's possible."}, {'start': '358.788', 'end': '360.220', 'text': '- [Narrator] For he had\nbeen regularly sneaking'}, {'start': '360.220', 'end': '361.972', 'text': "into Paul Valentine's barn."}, {'start': '361.972', 'end': '364.780', 'text': "- Okay, you know, we're\ngood, we're good here."}, {'start': '364.780', 'end': '367.508', 'text': 'I think we should just move on.'}, {'start': '367.508', 'end': '368.724', 'text': '- [Narrator] Where he had been having sex'}, {'start': '368.724', 'end': '371.347', 'text': "with Paul's favorite sheep Martha."}, {'start': '371.347', 'end': '372.180', 'text': '- Oh boy.'}, {'start': '372.180', 'end': '373.697', 'text': '- Marth, Bill!?'}, {'start': '373.697', 'end': '374.729', 'text': 'Martha!?'}, {'start': '374.729', 'end': '377.145', 'text': "- That is why I've been\nso itchy? (cocks gun)"}, {'start': '377.145', 'end': '378.105', 'text': '- You know what?'}, {'start': '378.105', 'end': '381.105', 'text': 'We all just need to\ntake a deep breath here.'}, {'start': '381.105', 'end': '383.513', 'text': "We're playin' right\ninto the voice's hands."}, {'start': '383.513', 'end': '385.033', 'text': "Sure, there's been a surprising amount"}, {'start': '385.033', 'end': '387.105', 'text': 'of infidelity in this town,'}, {'start': '387.105', 'end': '389.881', 'text': 'and the bestiality should probably stop,'}, {'start': '389.881', 'end': '391.633', 'text': 'and I might be gay.'}, {'start': '391.633', 'end': '394.713', 'text': "But if we start shootin', the voice wins."}, {'start': '394.713', 'end': '396.986', 'text': "I think the voice is\ngivin' us an opportunity."}, {'start': '396.986', 'end': '399.425', 'text': 'In a world where our\ndeepest, darkest secrets'}, {'start': '399.425', 'end': '401.170', 'text': 'are unveiled one by one,'}, {'start': '401.170', 'end': '404.051', 'text': "maybe we'll stop doing the\nthings we're ashamed of"}, {'start': '404.051', 'end': '406.521', 'text': 'and start to embrace the\nthings about ourselves'}, {'start': '406.521', 'end': '408.146', 'text': "we're afraid to accept."}, {'start': '408.146', 'end': '410.804', 'text': 'Hell, this could be the\nbeginning of a new utopia,'}, {'start': '410.804', 'end': '414.121', 'text': 'a society based on fairness and tolerance'}, {'start': '414.121', 'end': '416.852', 'text': "where it don't matter\nif you're rich or poor--"}, {'start': '416.852', 'end': '418.169', 'text': '- Or a woman!'}, {'start': '418.169', 'end': '420.913', 'text': "- Let's not get carried\naway, but the point is,"}, {'start': '420.913', 'end': '424.209', 'text': 'is that the voice is showing\nus the worst side of ourselves'}, {'start': '424.209', 'end': '426.905', 'text': 'and we need to show it our best.'}, {'start': '426.905', 'end': '428.288', 'text': "Now, who's with me?"}, {'start': '428.288', 'end': '429.538', 'text': '- [All] Yeehaw!'}, {'start': '432.536', 'end': '433.820', 'text': '- [Narrator] It was a good speech'}, {'start': '433.820', 'end': '435.880', 'text': 'and things might have\nturned out differently'}, {'start': '435.880', 'end': '438.577', 'text': 'if the crowd never found\nout that the gunfighter'}, {'start': '438.577', 'end': '441.024', 'text': 'had just last night shot and killed'}, {'start': '441.024', 'end': '443.552', 'text': 'the youngest son of John McCullers,'}, {'start': '443.552', 'end': '446.560', 'text': 'because he "had some\nbreath that smelled like'}, {'start': '446.560', 'end': '448.893', 'text': '"the ass end of a Chinaman."'}, {'start': '452.169', 'end': '454.917', 'text': '- Well, you must be Mr. McCullers.'}, {'start': '454.917', 'end': '456.292', 'text': '(fires gun)'}, {'start': '456.292', 'end': '458.792', 'text': '(guns firing)'}, {'start': '470.754', 'end': '474.379', 'text': '- [Narrator] It was a\ntrue ballet of death.'}, {'start': '474.379', 'end': '477.175', 'text': 'When the gruesome bloodbath was over,'}, {'start': '477.175', 'end': '480.826', 'text': 'not a single person was left standing,'}, {'start': '480.826', 'end': '484.304', 'text': 'except for Sally, the itchy whore.'}, {'start': '484.304', 'end': '485.304', 'text': '- Yoo!'}, {'start': '485.304', 'end': '488.992', 'text': '- [Narrator] Who celebrated\nby scratching her front porch.'}, {'start': '488.992', 'end': '490.433', 'text': '- [Sally] Whoo!'}, {'start': '490.433', 'end': '491.448', 'text': '- [Narrator] Little did she know,'}, {'start': '491.448', 'end': '494.200', 'text': 'she would be mauled to\ndeath by a rabid wolf'}, {'start': '494.200', 'end': '495.692', 'text': 'the very next day.'}, {'start': '495.692', 'end': '496.775', 'text': '- Well, fuck.'}, {'start': '497.616', 'end': '501.283', 'text': '(dramatic orchestral music)'}]