Catholic Sphere - 2025-05-01 - Heroic Motherhood: Finding Holy in the Hard, Pt. 1
EWTN
[{'start': '33.520', 'end': '37.360', 'text': 'Welcome to the Catholic Sphere. Each'}, {'start': '35.680', 'end': '39.200', 'text': 'week we have a different host and a'}, {'start': '37.360', 'end': '41.520', 'text': 'different focus as we tackle topics'}, {'start': '39.200', 'end': '43.760', 'text': 'important to Catholics around the globe.'}, {'start': '41.520', 'end': '45.920', 'text': "I'm your host this week, Debbie Cen. And"}, {'start': '43.760', 'end': '48.800', 'text': "in today's episode, we'll be discussing"}, {'start': '45.920', 'end': '51.440', 'text': 'heroic motherhood and how moms can find'}, {'start': '48.800', 'end': '54.000', 'text': 'holy in the hard seasons of life. My'}, {'start': '51.440', 'end': '56.160', 'text': 'panelists today are Michaela Harrison,'}, {'start': '54.000', 'end': '58.320', 'text': 'illustrator at the Liturgy of the Home,'}, {'start': '56.160', 'end': '60.879', 'text': 'joining from Oklahoma, Julia Marie'}, {'start': '58.320', 'end': '63.440', 'text': 'Deorgio Wulbright of the Musings of a'}, {'start': '60.879', 'end': '65.680', 'text': 'Catholic Mama Blog from North Carolina,'}, {'start': '63.440', 'end': '68.000', 'text': 'and Lisa Canning, author of the'}, {'start': '65.680', 'end': '70.640', 'text': "Possibility Mom and a Catholic Women's"}, {'start': '68.000', 'end': '72.000', 'text': 'Business Coach from Toronto, Canada. I'}, {'start': '70.640', 'end': '73.760', 'text': 'am so thankful these beautiful women'}, {'start': '72.000', 'end': '75.840', 'text': 'have joined me today to share their'}, {'start': '73.760', 'end': '78.560', 'text': 'stories. It really takes a lot of'}, {'start': '75.840', 'end': '80.320', 'text': 'courage and vulnerability to bear your'}, {'start': '78.560', 'end': '82.799', 'text': 'heart. And my hope is that others who'}, {'start': '80.320', 'end': '84.799', 'text': 'are listening today can be encouraged to'}, {'start': '82.799', 'end': '86.720', 'text': 'persevere during their trials as well.'}, {'start': '84.799', 'end': '88.080', 'text': 'So Michaela, I would love to start with'}, {'start': '86.720', 'end': '89.840', 'text': 'you. Now, when you and I were first'}, {'start': '88.080', 'end': '91.840', 'text': 'talking about you coming onto the'}, {'start': '89.840', 'end': '93.280', 'text': 'Catholic sphere, you had candidly told'}, {'start': '91.840', 'end': '95.680', 'text': 'me that you were still in what you'}, {'start': '93.280', 'end': '97.759', 'text': 'called the bruised and battered season'}, {'start': '95.680', 'end': '99.200', 'text': "of life. So, let's take a step back, if"}, {'start': '97.759', 'end': '101.040', 'text': "you don't mind, and first talk about"}, {'start': '99.200', 'end': '103.280', 'text': 'what was happening in your life when you'}, {'start': '101.040', 'end': '105.680', 'text': 'found out that your 2-year-old son had a'}, {'start': '103.280', 'end': '108.960', 'text': 'brain tumor.'}, {'start': '105.680', 'end': '112.880', 'text': 'Well, we were living um a a beautiful'}, {'start': '108.960', 'end': '116.079', 'text': 'rural um life out in the country. Um I'}, {'start': '112.880', 'end': '118.960', 'text': 'had um we had a little farm. We had'}, {'start': '116.079', 'end': '123.119', 'text': 'dairy goats. We lived near um Clear'}, {'start': '118.960', 'end': '126.719', 'text': 'Creek Abbey. And I was not only juggling'}, {'start': '123.119', 'end': '129.280', 'text': 'the sort of the country life um but then'}, {'start': '126.719', 'end': '130.640', 'text': 'I was also um had found myself in this'}, {'start': '129.280', 'end': '133.840', 'text': 'work of making these illustrated'}, {'start': '130.640', 'end': '135.360', 'text': 'lurggical calendars for families and was'}, {'start': '133.840', 'end': '137.840', 'text': 'just in the midst of of juggling'}, {'start': '135.360', 'end': '141.040', 'text': 'everything. It already felt like too'}, {'start': '137.840', 'end': '143.760', 'text': 'much and I was like Lord you know I need'}, {'start': '141.040', 'end': '147.520', 'text': 'help right now. And then, you know, we'}, {'start': '143.760', 'end': '150.239', 'text': 'started seeing that our my youngest um'}, {'start': '147.520', 'end': '151.360', 'text': 'Jamie, he was, you know, a year and a'}, {'start': '150.239', 'end': '153.440', 'text': 'half when he started having some'}, {'start': '151.360', 'end': '154.720', 'text': 'symptoms. And I just remember thinking'}, {'start': '153.440', 'end': '158.720', 'text': "something's not right. And we're taking"}, {'start': '154.720', 'end': '161.120', 'text': 'him to doctor after doctor. And it it'}, {'start': '158.720', 'end': '162.720', 'text': "wasn't until I guess it was January of"}, {'start': '161.120', 'end': '165.280', 'text': '24 when we finally got to the'}, {'start': '162.720', 'end': '166.640', 'text': 'neurologist and and he said, you know,'}, {'start': '165.280', 'end': '170.239', 'text': 'you got to take him straight to the ER.'}, {'start': '166.640', 'end': '172.160', 'text': 'This sounds like a brain tumor. Um, and'}, {'start': '170.239', 'end': '174.000', 'text': 'little did I know that life was going to'}, {'start': '172.160', 'end': '178.640', 'text': 'be totally different and flipped upside'}, {'start': '174.000', 'end': '180.480', 'text': "down. Um, but that's part of the story."}, {'start': '178.640', 'end': '181.920', 'text': 'And as a mom myself, I recognize that'}, {'start': '180.480', 'end': '183.120', 'text': 'the day-to-day parts of motherhood, like'}, {'start': '181.920', 'end': '184.480', 'text': 'you said, and being a full-time working'}, {'start': '183.120', 'end': '186.080', 'text': 'mom and a business owner are difficult'}, {'start': '184.480', 'end': '187.599', 'text': 'enough. And then facing something like'}, {'start': '186.080', 'end': '189.040', 'text': 'this can really quickly destroy that'}, {'start': '187.599', 'end': '190.560', 'text': 'work life balance and that beautiful'}, {'start': '189.040', 'end': '192.159', 'text': 'that beautiful quintessential farm life'}, {'start': '190.560', 'end': '194.560', 'text': 'that you had talked about. Um, and that'}, {'start': '192.159', 'end': '197.120', 'text': 'that balance is already so delicate.'}, {'start': '194.560', 'end': '199.200', 'text': 'Anyways, Lisa, first of all, welcome'}, {'start': '197.120', 'end': '201.840', 'text': 'back to the Catholic Sphere. Our viewers'}, {'start': '199.200', 'end': '204.239', 'text': 'recognize you as the possibility mom who'}, {'start': '201.840', 'end': '206.159', 'text': 'helps other moms, me included, build up'}, {'start': '204.239', 'end': '208.640', 'text': 'the skill sets to manage the day-to-day'}, {'start': '206.159', 'end': '210.959', 'text': 'duties of being moms, working moms,'}, {'start': '208.640', 'end': '213.120', 'text': "business owner moms. That doesn't mean"}, {'start': '210.959', 'end': '215.519', 'text': 'that everything in your life has been'}, {'start': '213.120', 'end': '217.040', 'text': "100% smooth sailing. So, let's talk"}, {'start': '215.519', 'end': '219.360', 'text': 'about some of the difficult seasons of'}, {'start': '217.040', 'end': '223.040', 'text': "life that you've been through."}, {'start': '219.360', 'end': '226.159', 'text': 'In 2023, I lived in 10 homes in 10'}, {'start': '223.040', 'end': '230.400', 'text': 'months while being pregnant with baby'}, {'start': '226.159', 'end': '234.080', 'text': 'number 10 on this side of heaven. It was'}, {'start': '230.400', 'end': '237.000', 'text': 'quite the adventure and we found'}, {'start': '234.080', 'end': '239.760', 'text': 'ourselves in a constant state of'}, {'start': '237.000', 'end': '243.280', 'text': 'upheaval. The the short story of it is'}, {'start': '239.760', 'end': '245.519', 'text': 'that just it was nobody would rent to'}, {'start': '243.280', 'end': '247.439', 'text': 'our family and we found ourselves in'}, {'start': '245.519', 'end': '251.040', 'text': 'short-term housing after short-term'}, {'start': '247.439', 'end': '253.200', 'text': 'housing. Um, part of that story also was'}, {'start': '251.040', 'end': '257.479', 'text': 'one of my children developed an allergic'}, {'start': '253.200', 'end': '260.720', 'text': 'reaction at one of the homes which made'}, {'start': '257.479', 'end': '264.120', 'text': 'it very tricky. We she was in hospital'}, {'start': '260.720', 'end': '266.400', 'text': 'for over a week and then we had to very'}, {'start': '264.120', 'end': '268.320', 'text': 'quickly find ourselves a more'}, {'start': '266.400', 'end': '270.800', 'text': 'appropriate place to be able to support'}, {'start': '268.320', 'end': '273.360', 'text': 'her health. Throughout the experience,'}, {'start': '270.800', 'end': '275.759', 'text': 'it was a lot of questioning the Lord.'}, {'start': '273.360', 'end': '278.160', 'text': 'Why? Like why would you allow this to'}, {'start': '275.759', 'end': '281.120', 'text': 'happen? Why would you allow these'}, {'start': '278.160', 'end': '283.120', 'text': 'circumstances and allow so many people'}, {'start': '281.120', 'end': '287.759', 'text': "to say no, you can't, you know, stay in"}, {'start': '283.120', 'end': '289.400', 'text': 'our home? And it took a long time to get'}, {'start': '287.759', 'end': '292.720', 'text': 'to that point of'}, {'start': '289.400', 'end': '294.880', 'text': "asking, okay, Lord, now what? You've"}, {'start': '292.720', 'end': '297.320', 'text': "allowed this type of suffering. You've"}, {'start': '294.880', 'end': '299.759', 'text': 'allowed this time of of'}, {'start': '297.320', 'end': '302.320', 'text': 'upheaval, but what is it that you want'}, {'start': '299.759', 'end': '304.960', 'text': 'me to do? And what is it that you want'}, {'start': '302.320', 'end': '307.280', 'text': 'me to learn? And now Julia Marie, you'}, {'start': '304.960', 'end': '309.199', 'text': 'are a working mom too. Um, our Instagram'}, {'start': '307.280', 'end': '310.479', 'text': 'audience might recognize you because of'}, {'start': '309.199', 'end': '312.880', 'text': "the story that you've shared about your"}, {'start': '310.479', 'end': '314.960', 'text': 'daughter Anastasia who had anphily. So'}, {'start': '312.880', 'end': '316.479', 'text': 'tell us about her diagnosis and what was'}, {'start': '314.960', 'end': '319.840', 'text': 'going through your heart and mind in the'}, {'start': '316.479', 'end': '319.840', 'text': 'days and weeks following that'}, {'start': '320.360', 'end': '327.600', 'text': 'diagnosis. Yeah, she so Anastasia she'}, {'start': '324.160', 'end': '330.639', 'text': 'was our fourth baby. Um, we have three'}, {'start': '327.600', 'end': '333.280', 'text': 'boys, so we were very excited um and'}, {'start': '330.639', 'end': '335.759', 'text': 'very nervous to have a daughter after,'}, {'start': '333.280', 'end': '337.639', 'text': 'you know, all the all the boys, all the'}, {'start': '335.759', 'end': '341.120', 'text': 'boy mom life.'}, {'start': '337.639', 'end': '343.160', 'text': 'Um, and I was, her pregnancy was'}, {'start': '341.120', 'end': '345.680', 'text': 'difficult. I was so sick. It was just'}, {'start': '343.160', 'end': '348.960', 'text': 'something I I chocked it up to her being'}, {'start': '345.680', 'end': '351.440', 'text': 'a girl. Um, and finally we we had'}, {'start': '348.960', 'end': '354.240', 'text': 'routine blood work done. And I remember'}, {'start': '351.440', 'end': '356.320', 'text': 'it was like 1:00 in the morning on a'}, {'start': '354.240', 'end': '359.280', 'text': 'Thursday night and I got an email back'}, {'start': '356.320', 'end': '362.680', 'text': 'with the results that said that um she'}, {'start': '359.280', 'end': '365.039', 'text': 'had tested positive for'}, {'start': '362.680', 'end': '367.680', 'text': 'spobipida. So my husband was out of town'}, {'start': '365.039', 'end': '369.440', 'text': "for work. I'm trying not to panic. The"}, {'start': '367.680', 'end': '371.120', 'text': 'midwife calls me the next day and says,'}, {'start': '369.440', 'end': '375.680', 'text': '"Hey, I\'m so sorry that you got that'}, {'start': '371.120', 'end': '379.440', 'text': 'email. um but we are going to send you'}, {'start': '375.680', 'end': '382.720', 'text': 'for a level two ultrasound um at the'}, {'start': '379.440', 'end': '384.000', 'text': 'hospital an hour away. And so we went'}, {'start': '382.720', 'end': '386.720', 'text': 'through that whole weekend just kind of'}, {'start': '384.000', 'end': '389.039', 'text': "thinking, you know, this is it's going"}, {'start': '386.720', 'end': '391.919', 'text': 'to be what it is. We love her no matter'}, {'start': '389.039', 'end': '392.880', 'text': 'what. Um my husband was so sweet. He was'}, {'start': '391.919', 'end': '394.160', 'text': "like, you know, if she's in a"}, {'start': '392.880', 'end': '396.479', 'text': "wheelchair, it'll be fine. She's going"}, {'start': '394.160', 'end': '398.639', 'text': "to have fantastic arms. You know, she'll"}, {'start': '396.479', 'end': '400.120', 'text': 'be a tennis pro. like we really went'}, {'start': '398.639', 'end': '402.160', 'text': 'into that'}, {'start': '400.120', 'end': '405.759', 'text': 'ultrasound very willing to accept'}, {'start': '402.160', 'end': '408.080', 'text': 'whatever answers they gave us. And um'}, {'start': '405.759', 'end': '410.000', 'text': 'when we went into the room, you know,'}, {'start': '408.080', 'end': '414.319', 'text': 'they showed us her spine looked'}, {'start': '410.000', 'end': '416.240', 'text': 'beautiful. Um she looked so perfect. And'}, {'start': '414.319', 'end': '418.000', 'text': 'the tech was like, "Okay, is there'}, {'start': '416.240', 'end': '419.840', 'text': 'anything else you want to see?" And I'}, {'start': '418.000', 'end': '422.240', 'text': 'asked, "Well, where\'s her little'}, {'start': '419.840', 'end': '424.000', 'text': 'profile? I want to see her face." And'}, {'start': '422.240', 'end': '426.479', 'text': "that's when she turned to us and said,"}, {'start': '424.000', 'end': '428.560', 'text': '"Okay, there is something wrong. Um,'}, {'start': '426.479', 'end': '431.120', 'text': "you've probably not heard of this, but I"}, {'start': '428.560', 'end': '434.160', 'text': 'believe your daughter has anphily. Her'}, {'start': '431.120', 'end': '437.360', 'text': 'neural tube did not close all the way.'}, {'start': '434.160', 'end': '439.520', 'text': 'Um, so she does not have u from about'}, {'start': '437.360', 'end': '442.759', 'text': 'her eyebrows up like her skull is just'}, {'start': '439.520', 'end': '446.919', 'text': 'not there. And at that moment just my'}, {'start': '442.759', 'end': '449.680', 'text': 'whole world came crashing down. It'}, {'start': '446.919', 'end': '451.919', 'text': 'was one I can think of the two worst'}, {'start': '449.680', 'end': '454.160', 'text': 'moments of our whole experience. That'}, {'start': '451.919', 'end': '456.000', 'text': 'was one of them. And then later on it'}, {'start': '454.160', 'end': '458.400', 'text': 'was after she passed away and having to'}, {'start': '456.000', 'end': '461.440', 'text': 'give her over to the coroner. But it'}, {'start': '458.400', 'end': '463.360', 'text': "just it you can't be prepared for news"}, {'start': '461.440', 'end': '465.840', 'text': 'like that. It just knocks the wind out'}, {'start': '463.360', 'end': '468.960', 'text': 'of you. And it in that moment it was'}, {'start': '465.840', 'end': '470.880', 'text': 'just this very clear like all right this'}, {'start': '468.960', 'end': '472.240', 'text': 'is what this is our this is our life'}, {'start': '470.880', 'end': '474.639', 'text': 'now. This is our journey. What are we'}, {'start': '472.240', 'end': '477.680', 'text': 'going to do? And as parents we want to'}, {'start': '474.639', 'end': '479.360', 'text': 'be the ones to provide you stability and'}, {'start': '477.680', 'end': '481.520', 'text': 'uh the feeling of safety for our kids,'}, {'start': '479.360', 'end': '483.360', 'text': 'Michaela. Sometimes catastrophic things'}, {'start': '481.520', 'end': '485.360', 'text': 'like this happen that are beyond our'}, {'start': '483.360', 'end': '487.280', 'text': "control and and we're essentially"}, {'start': '485.360', 'end': '489.759', 'text': 'helpless and you experienced that when'}, {'start': '487.280', 'end': '493.199', 'text': 'Jamie was in the ICU after his'}, {'start': '489.759', 'end': '495.120', 'text': 'diagnosis. So tell us about that.'}, {'start': '493.199', 'end': '498.000', 'text': 'Yeah. Well, I knew that something was'}, {'start': '495.120', 'end': '500.240', 'text': 'wrong and we and then once we were told,'}, {'start': '498.000', 'end': '504.599', 'text': 'you know, by the neurologist to go to'}, {'start': '500.240', 'end': '507.360', 'text': 'the to to the the urgent um sorry to'}, {'start': '504.599', 'end': '510.080', 'text': "the I can't even remember mama brain"}, {'start': '507.360', 'end': '511.680', 'text': 'here, you know, to to go to the ER to go'}, {'start': '510.080', 'end': '515.519', 'text': 'to go figure out what was wrong. And'}, {'start': '511.680', 'end': '517.279', 'text': 'they did the um the CT scan and they'}, {'start': '515.519', 'end': '519.839', 'text': 'came in and said, "Yeah, your son has a'}, {'start': '517.279', 'end': '521.680', 'text': 'brain tumor that is basically the size'}, {'start': '519.839', 'end': '524.080', 'text': 'of a small apple right in the middle of'}, {'start': '521.680', 'end': '526.080', 'text': 'his brain." And I was like on the one'}, {'start': '524.080', 'end': '528.240', 'text': "hand I was like well that's what it was"}, {'start': '526.080', 'end': '530.240', 'text': 'and the other hand I was like oh my'}, {'start': '528.240', 'end': '532.000', 'text': 'goodness this is the worst case scenario'}, {'start': '530.240', 'end': '533.440', 'text': "and I everyone kept saying oh don't"}, {'start': '532.000', 'end': '537.040', 'text': 'think worst case scenario and it was'}, {'start': '533.440', 'end': '538.040', 'text': 'like no this is worst case scenario. Um'}, {'start': '537.040', 'end': '540.880', 'text': 'and'}, {'start': '538.040', 'end': '543.920', 'text': "so I don't know it's it it just was"}, {'start': '540.880', 'end': '545.600', 'text': 'really um I tried to be there for him.'}, {'start': '543.920', 'end': '547.839', 'text': "You know I was like I'm gonna be strong."}, {'start': '545.600', 'end': '549.360', 'text': "I'm gonna keep him happy. You know he's"}, {'start': '547.839', 'end': '551.360', 'text': 'you know a little two-year-old almost'}, {'start': '549.360', 'end': '552.959', 'text': 'two-year-old uh or sorry he just just'}, {'start': '551.360', 'end': '554.560', 'text': "turned two. he's all, you know, got all"}, {'start': '552.959', 'end': '556.160', 'text': 'these hooked up to all these tubes and'}, {'start': '554.560', 'end': '558.640', 'text': 'he wants to play and he wants to move'}, {'start': '556.160', 'end': '560.000', 'text': "around and it's like uh trying to keep"}, {'start': '558.640', 'end': '562.320', 'text': 'him happy and like on the one hand'}, {'start': '560.000', 'end': '564.399', 'text': "you're so afraid like my child could die"}, {'start': '562.320', 'end': '567.200', 'text': "and the other hand it's like he just"}, {'start': '564.399', 'end': '569.440', 'text': 'wants the toy or he just wants whatever'}, {'start': '567.200', 'end': '571.839', 'text': 'um it is at the time and so just that'}, {'start': '569.440', 'end': '574.640', 'text': 'juggling was just you know was really'}, {'start': '571.839', 'end': '578.640', 'text': 'hard and then after he went into the'}, {'start': '574.640', 'end': '580.720', 'text': 'surgeries and he um was on all the drugs'}, {'start': '578.640', 'end': '582.320', 'text': "and it's like you just you want to take"}, {'start': '580.720', 'end': '585.440', 'text': 'you want to be there and hold him and'}, {'start': '582.320', 'end': '589.279', 'text': 'make it better. And you have to just let'}, {'start': '585.440', 'end': '590.959', 'text': 'them come and put the needle in or take,'}, {'start': '589.279', 'end': '592.080', 'text': "you know, whatever it was. And he didn't"}, {'start': '590.959', 'end': '593.519', 'text': 'want it. And he\'d be like, "Mom," like'}, {'start': '592.080', 'end': '596.160', 'text': 'looking at me like, "Mom, don\'t let them'}, {'start': '593.519', 'end': '599.360', 'text': 'do this to me." And he couldn\'t talk.'}, {'start': '596.160', 'end': '600.800', 'text': 'But I knew what he was saying. Um, and I'}, {'start': '599.360', 'end': '602.399', 'text': 'I was like, "You just have to go through'}, {'start': '600.800', 'end': '604.720', 'text': 'it." Like, "I love you and I\'ll be there'}, {'start': '602.399', 'end': '605.800', 'text': 'for you, but just having to watch him go'}, {'start': '604.720', 'end': '609.360', 'text': 'through that."'}, {'start': '605.800', 'end': '612.399', 'text': "And that's uh that's really hard for for"}, {'start': '609.360', 'end': '614.000', 'text': "a mom, but you have to, you know, it's"}, {'start': '612.399', 'end': '616.000', 'text': 'just a process of letting go. And it'}, {'start': '614.000', 'end': '618.800', 'text': "wasn't like I was doing a very good job"}, {'start': '616.000', 'end': '621.360', 'text': "of letting go. It just it's just trying"}, {'start': '618.800', 'end': '623.920', 'text': 'to live and survive. And you learn just'}, {'start': '621.360', 'end': '626.240', 'text': 'by going through it. Lisa, when you were'}, {'start': '623.920', 'end': '628.240', 'text': 'pregnant with your 10th child, Judy, you'}, {'start': '626.240', 'end': '630.720', 'text': 'found out that you had miscarried her at'}, {'start': '628.240', 'end': '632.560', 'text': '9 weeks. What was that experience like'}, {'start': '630.720', 'end': '635.200', 'text': 'of learning that you had miscarried? And'}, {'start': '632.560', 'end': '637.120', 'text': 'how did you navigate that loss?'}, {'start': '635.200', 'end': '639.920', 'text': 'Miscarriage is an interesting thing'}, {'start': '637.120', 'end': '642.240', 'text': "because there really isn't very much one"}, {'start': '639.920', 'end': '644.959', 'text': 'can do I would say most of the time to'}, {'start': '642.240', 'end': '647.760', 'text': 'prevent it. It sometimes you know I was'}, {'start': '644.959', 'end': '649.920', 'text': 'very healthy. I had had nine healthy'}, {'start': '647.760', 'end': '653.120', 'text': 'pregnancies to that point and so this'}, {'start': '649.920', 'end': '655.519', 'text': 'was a very big shock and a big surprise'}, {'start': '653.120', 'end': '658.720', 'text': 'and it again had me asking this question'}, {'start': '655.519', 'end': '660.800', 'text': 'of why Lord would you allow this to'}, {'start': '658.720', 'end': '664.079', 'text': 'happen? I think when you go through'}, {'start': '660.800', 'end': '665.519', 'text': "times of trial, you can I don't know,"}, {'start': '664.079', 'end': '667.600', 'text': 'the brain can do kind of funny things'}, {'start': '665.519', 'end': '670.320', 'text': "where you're just like, did I do"}, {'start': '667.600', 'end': '673.040', 'text': 'something to make this happen? Did I are'}, {'start': '670.320', 'end': '675.839', 'text': 'you punishing me, Lord? And I think a'}, {'start': '673.040', 'end': '680.079', 'text': 'really important thing to remember is'}, {'start': '675.839', 'end': '682.079', 'text': 'the nature of God, that God is good. And'}, {'start': '680.079', 'end': '683.600', 'text': 'when we can remember that God is good.'}, {'start': '682.079', 'end': '685.120', 'text': "And this is what I had to it didn't it"}, {'start': '683.600', 'end': '687.440', 'text': "didn't happen quickly. Like this took a"}, {'start': '685.120', 'end': '691.480', 'text': 'very long time. But to be reminded that'}, {'start': '687.440', 'end': '694.399', 'text': 'God is good and that he allows'}, {'start': '691.480', 'end': '696.399', 'text': 'suffering for our benefit. I think that'}, {'start': '694.399', 'end': '698.800', 'text': 'is one of the biggest gifts of our'}, {'start': '696.399', 'end': '701.839', 'text': 'Catholic faith.'}, {'start': '698.800', 'end': '704.480', 'text': 'you suffering not as something that like'}, {'start': '701.839', 'end': '708.680', 'text': 'is is a punishment or you know God is'}, {'start': '704.480', 'end': '712.079', 'text': 'mad at us but that there can be'}, {'start': '708.680', 'end': '713.760', 'text': 'redemption there can be um something'}, {'start': '712.079', 'end': '716.959', 'text': 'that we are supposed to learn either'}, {'start': '713.760', 'end': '718.959', 'text': 'about ourselves or about our Lord and'}, {'start': '716.959', 'end': '720.640', 'text': 'then also that there might be something'}, {'start': '718.959', 'end': '723.760', 'text': 'and this is still really really hard for'}, {'start': '720.640', 'end': '725.680', 'text': "me to accept but I've been growing in"}, {'start': '723.760', 'end': '728.639', 'text': 'this acceptance over the years'}, {'start': '725.680', 'end': '731.760', 'text': 'especially recently is that it might be'}, {'start': '728.639', 'end': '733.680', 'text': 'a gift for someone else. I mentioned'}, {'start': '731.760', 'end': '735.920', 'text': 'earlier that we lived in 10 homes in 10'}, {'start': '733.680', 'end': '738.360', 'text': 'months and I remember one of my biggest'}, {'start': '735.920', 'end': '742.639', 'text': 'fears was that my'}, {'start': '738.360', 'end': '746.160', 'text': 'children would see the experience as'}, {'start': '742.639', 'end': '748.959', 'text': 'hardship and and and and just remember'}, {'start': '746.160', 'end': '751.519', 'text': "turmoil and remember trial. But what's"}, {'start': '748.959', 'end': '754.079', 'text': 'so interesting on the other side, you'}, {'start': '751.519', 'end': '756.639', 'text': "know, now I'm I'm more than a year out"}, {'start': '754.079', 'end': '759.920', 'text': 'from probably the most adventurous year'}, {'start': '756.639', 'end': '765.120', 'text': 'of our lives. My daughter just presented'}, {'start': '759.920', 'end': '767.839', 'text': 'a speech at school on how it invited her'}, {'start': '765.120', 'end': '770.800', 'text': 'to be on an adventure, how it invited'}, {'start': '767.839', 'end': '774.880', 'text': 'her to trust the Lord, and how that you'}, {'start': '770.800', 'end': '778.000', 'text': 'can find surprises and situations that'}, {'start': '774.880', 'end': '780.240', 'text': 'look bleak, but that are actually for'}, {'start': '778.000', 'end': '782.880', 'text': 'your benefit, for you to grow in virtue,'}, {'start': '780.240', 'end': '785.120', 'text': 'for you to grow in perseverance. And so,'}, {'start': '782.880', 'end': '786.959', 'text': "while it can be so difficult and you're"}, {'start': '785.120', 'end': '788.079', 'text': 'like, Lord, why would you allow this to'}, {'start': '786.959', 'end': '790.079', 'text': 'happen?'}, {'start': '788.079', 'end': '793.120', 'text': 'When you can see that it can be a gift'}, {'start': '790.079', 'end': '796.160', 'text': 'for someone else, that can put suffering'}, {'start': '793.120', 'end': '798.000', 'text': 'in such a different context. Julia'}, {'start': '796.160', 'end': '799.600', 'text': "Marie, with Anastasia's diagnosis of"}, {'start': '798.000', 'end': '801.040', 'text': "anphily, there's no cure. And so,"}, {'start': '799.600', 'end': '803.200', 'text': "there's not much at all that you could"}, {'start': '801.040', 'end': '804.800', 'text': 'really do for your daughter except carry'}, {'start': '803.200', 'end': '808.399', 'text': 'on with the pregnancy for as long as'}, {'start': '804.800', 'end': '813.440', 'text': 'possible. So, what was that like?'}, {'start': '808.399', 'end': '816.560', 'text': "Uh, it was hard. It's very those first"}, {'start': '813.440', 'end': '819.519', 'text': 'few hours after the diagnosis, it was I'}, {'start': '816.560', 'end': '822.440', 'text': "mean I've always been very pro-life."}, {'start': '819.519', 'end': '825.200', 'text': "I've um so it was"}, {'start': '822.440', 'end': '827.200', 'text': 'very clear to us, you know, to my'}, {'start': '825.200', 'end': '829.120', 'text': 'husband and I that like we were we were'}, {'start': '827.200', 'end': '831.120', 'text': "going to carry on. We weren't going to"}, {'start': '829.120', 'end': '834.639', 'text': 'because it was offered to us or the'}, {'start': '831.120', 'end': '837.360', 'text': 'option to um terminate or to even just'}, {'start': '834.639', 'end': '839.040', 'text': 'induce early. I was only 19 weeks. She'}, {'start': '837.360', 'end': '844.440', 'text': 'was she was going to be so small. There'}, {'start': '839.040', 'end': '848.240', 'text': 'was no it there was no other option for'}, {'start': '844.440', 'end': '852.519', 'text': 'us just with our values our faith but'}, {'start': '848.240', 'end': '856.120', 'text': 'the way forward was so unclear. It was'}, {'start': '852.519', 'end': '859.839', 'text': 'so heavy'}, {'start': '856.120', 'end': '861.839', 'text': 'and I you feel so helpless as a parent.'}, {'start': '859.839', 'end': '864.639', 'text': 'You know you especially like through'}, {'start': '861.839', 'end': '866.240', 'text': "pregnancy you're not you're not drinking"}, {'start': '864.639', 'end': '868.079', 'text': "you're not eating things you're not"}, {'start': '866.240', 'end': '870.399', 'text': "supposed to. you're doing everything you"}, {'start': '868.079', 'end': '872.399', 'text': 'can to keep this baby healthy. And then'}, {'start': '870.399', 'end': '876.160', 'text': 'to be told that their b that your baby'}, {'start': '872.399', 'end': '877.920', 'text': 'is incompatible with life, it it just'}, {'start': '876.160', 'end': '880.199', 'text': 'rocks you to your core. And throughout'}, {'start': '877.920', 'end': '883.120', 'text': 'the pregnancy, there was just this sense'}, {'start': '880.199', 'end': '885.440', 'text': 'of all I can do is pray. All I can do is'}, {'start': '883.120', 'end': '887.199', 'text': 'wake up every day and feel her and'}, {'start': '885.440', 'end': '889.199', 'text': 'listen to her heartbeat and just know'}, {'start': '887.199', 'end': '891.440', 'text': 'that she is not feeling any pain. That'}, {'start': '889.199', 'end': '894.560', 'text': 'is one of the biggest graces that we had'}, {'start': '891.440', 'end': '897.920', 'text': "for our girl was that she didn't even"}, {'start': '894.560', 'end': '901.360', 'text': 'have the part of her brain that would um'}, {'start': '897.920', 'end': '903.440', 'text': 'let her feel pain. So, as people we did'}, {'start': '901.360', 'end': '905.279', 'text': 'have a couple of people um tell us flat'}, {'start': '903.440', 'end': '908.320', 'text': 'out like why are you doing this? You'}, {'start': '905.279', 'end': '909.600', 'text': 'should just abort her. Um why you know'}, {'start': '908.320', 'end': '911.279', 'text': "don't put yourself through this, don't"}, {'start': '909.600', 'end': '914.959', 'text': 'put her through this. And my response'}, {'start': '911.279', 'end': '918.240', 'text': "was always she's fine. She is happy. She"}, {'start': '914.959', 'end': '919.519', 'text': 'is safe. And you know, as a mom, you'}, {'start': '918.240', 'end': '921.519', 'text': 'want to do everything you can for your'}, {'start': '919.519', 'end': '923.519', 'text': 'baby. And the only thing I could do for'}, {'start': '921.519', 'end': '926.000', 'text': 'her was give her that comfort and just'}, {'start': '923.519', 'end': '927.839', 'text': 'let her know every day I loved her. And'}, {'start': '926.000', 'end': '930.959', 'text': 'I was going to keep her as safe for as'}, {'start': '927.839', 'end': '932.560', 'text': 'long as I could. Michaela, as a mother,'}, {'start': '930.959', 'end': '934.320', 'text': 'of course, our children are inseparable'}, {'start': '932.560', 'end': '936.000', 'text': 'from our lives, and what happens to one'}, {'start': '934.320', 'end': '938.079', 'text': 'family member really has a profound'}, {'start': '936.000', 'end': '940.320', 'text': "impact on all of the others. It's like a"}, {'start': '938.079', 'end': '942.320', 'text': 'ripple effect. Um, so while Jamie was'}, {'start': '940.320', 'end': '945.839', 'text': 'receiving that treatment, what was it'}, {'start': '942.320', 'end': '948.160', 'text': 'like for your other children at home?'}, {'start': '945.839', 'end': '950.240', 'text': 'It was really hard for them. Um, when I'}, {'start': '948.160', 'end': '951.199', 'text': 'said, you know, goodbye to them in the'}, {'start': '950.240', 'end': '952.800', 'text': 'morning when we were going to the'}, {'start': '951.199', 'end': '955.040', 'text': "neurologist, I thought I'd see them see"}, {'start': '952.800', 'end': '957.680', 'text': "them that evening and then I didn't see"}, {'start': '955.040', 'end': '959.120', 'text': 'them for six weeks um because everything'}, {'start': '957.680', 'end': '961.040', 'text': 'just went kicked into high gear with'}, {'start': '959.120', 'end': '963.120', 'text': 'with being in the ICU and then they got'}, {'start': '961.040', 'end': '965.680', 'text': 'sick back at home. Thankfully, I did'}, {'start': '963.120', 'end': '968.320', 'text': 'have family, so my mom came and stayed'}, {'start': '965.680', 'end': '969.519', 'text': 'uh with with my children. Um, but six'}, {'start': '968.320', 'end': '971.120', 'text': "weeks is a long time. We're a very"}, {'start': '969.519', 'end': '973.759', 'text': "close-knit family. I don't think my kids"}, {'start': '971.120', 'end': '976.000', 'text': 'had ever been away from me for any'}, {'start': '973.759', 'end': '979.759', 'text': 'length of time. That was really hard for'}, {'start': '976.000', 'end': '981.759', 'text': 'my girls. You know, two boys um that are'}, {'start': '979.759', 'end': '982.959', 'text': 'now 13 and 11, so they would have been,'}, {'start': '981.759', 'end': '985.279', 'text': 'you know, a little younger, but and then'}, {'start': '982.959', 'end': '988.000', 'text': 'two girls. And the girls are very much'}, {'start': '985.279', 'end': '989.839', 'text': "like just mom, what's going on? You"}, {'start': '988.000', 'end': '991.440', 'text': 'know, uh we want to be with you. And so'}, {'start': '989.839', 'end': '993.199', 'text': 'I just I remember it being really hard'}, {'start': '991.440', 'end': '995.360', 'text': 'to talk to them on the phone or on'}, {'start': '993.199', 'end': '996.959', 'text': 'Skype, try to stay connected with them,'}, {'start': '995.360', 'end': '999.199', 'text': 'try to help coach them through this. You'}, {'start': '996.959', 'end': '1001.360', 'text': 'know, your brother has a brain tumor. I'}, {'start': '999.199', 'end': '1003.360', 'text': 'have to stay with him. You know, I love'}, {'start': '1001.360', 'end': '1006.000', 'text': "you. I'm, you know, I tell them, you"}, {'start': '1003.360', 'end': '1006.880', 'text': 'know, I pray pray pray with them. Um'}, {'start': '1006.000', 'end': '1008.079', 'text': 'there were some times where they'}, {'start': '1006.880', 'end': '1009.360', 'text': "couldn't go to sleep at night and they'd"}, {'start': '1008.079', 'end': '1010.959', 'text': 'be calling me, you know, in the middle'}, {'start': '1009.360', 'end': '1013.920', 'text': "of the night. Mom, I can't sleep. Why"}, {'start': '1010.959', 'end': '1015.600', 'text': "aren't you home? Especially for my um"}, {'start': '1013.920', 'end': '1018.639', 'text': 'she was five at the time. I think she'}, {'start': '1015.600', 'end': '1021.399', 'text': 'had the hardest time in some ways. Um'}, {'start': '1018.639', 'end': '1024.079', 'text': "but it's just you're telling them the"}, {'start': '1021.399', 'end': '1025.839', 'text': "words that are true. They're hard, but"}, {'start': '1024.079', 'end': '1027.600', 'text': "they're true. And you're also telling"}, {'start': '1025.839', 'end': '1029.839', 'text': 'yourself at the same time, you know, God'}, {'start': '1027.600', 'end': '1031.280', 'text': 'is in control of this. you know that we'}, {'start': '1029.839', 'end': '1032.480', 'text': "don't know a lot, but we know that we"}, {'start': '1031.280', 'end': '1034.319', 'text': "love Jamie. We're going to do everything"}, {'start': '1032.480', 'end': '1035.679', 'text': "we can for Jamie, and we're also going"}, {'start': '1034.319', 'end': '1038.360', 'text': "to make sure that you're cared for at"}, {'start': '1035.679', 'end': '1043.120', 'text': 'the same time. And so,'}, {'start': '1038.360', 'end': '1045.919', 'text': "um, you know, it's it's it's hard to um"}, {'start': '1043.120', 'end': '1047.360', 'text': 'to to help try to be stable for your for'}, {'start': '1045.919', 'end': '1050.240', 'text': "your children when you're not always"}, {'start': '1047.360', 'end': '1051.919', 'text': 'feeling stable. But, um, words are'}, {'start': '1050.240', 'end': '1054.559', 'text': 'really important and prayer is really'}, {'start': '1051.919', 'end': '1057.520', 'text': "important. Um, and I'm just so grateful"}, {'start': '1054.559', 'end': '1059.679', 'text': 'for the faith because it really keeps'}, {'start': '1057.520', 'end': '1063.400', 'text': 'you grounded. And, you know, when we'}, {'start': '1059.679', 'end': '1065.679', 'text': 'were in the ICU for those five weeks,'}, {'start': '1063.400', 'end': '1067.120', 'text': 'um, there was a lot of people there that'}, {'start': '1065.679', 'end': '1071.360', 'text': "didn't necessarily have faith, that"}, {'start': '1067.120', 'end': '1073.679', 'text': "didn't have that grounding. And, um, and"}, {'start': '1071.360', 'end': '1075.280', 'text': "it's really hard to see. I almost feel"}, {'start': '1073.679', 'end': '1076.640', 'text': 'like on the one hand like yes my child'}, {'start': '1075.280', 'end': '1078.000', 'text': 'was suffering. Yes, that was really'}, {'start': '1076.640', 'end': '1081.039', 'text': 'hard. But my husband and I had each'}, {'start': '1078.000', 'end': '1083.600', 'text': 'other and we really, you know, h clung'}, {'start': '1081.039', 'end': '1085.520', 'text': 'on to each other during that time, but'}, {'start': '1083.600', 'end': '1087.919', 'text': "you know, there's a lot of single single"}, {'start': '1085.520', 'end': '1089.200', 'text': 'people out there, single parents, um or'}, {'start': '1087.919', 'end': '1091.760', 'text': 'even children that were there without'}, {'start': '1089.200', 'end': '1093.679', 'text': 'their parents. And so the brokenness and'}, {'start': '1091.760', 'end': '1095.039', 'text': 'I just, you know, every time that a'}, {'start': '1093.679', 'end': '1096.880', 'text': "chaplain would come in, I'd be like,"}, {'start': '1095.039', 'end': '1098.480', 'text': '"What do you tell the families? Like,'}, {'start': '1096.880', 'end': '1100.240', 'text': "how do you help them if they don't have"}, {'start': '1098.480', 'end': '1102.160', 'text': 'faith?" And he\'s like, "It\'s really hard'}, {'start': '1100.240', 'end': '1104.480', 'text': 'if you don\'t have faith." And so just'}, {'start': '1102.160', 'end': '1107.280', 'text': 'above all like that gratitude that God'}, {'start': '1104.480', 'end': '1109.039', 'text': 'is with us and just and so we would'}, {'start': '1107.280', 'end': '1111.919', 'text': 'offer up our sufferings for those other'}, {'start': '1109.039', 'end': '1113.799', 'text': "families as well. And and it's a"}, {'start': '1111.919', 'end': '1119.760', 'text': 'beautiful thing when you can suffer'}, {'start': '1113.799', 'end': '1121.120', 'text': 'together. Um and and uh and really go'}, {'start': '1119.760', 'end': '1122.480', 'text': "the only place you can go. It's like"}, {'start': '1121.120', 'end': '1124.559', 'text': "it's like you either have the choice to"}, {'start': '1122.480', 'end': '1127.120', 'text': 'despair and feel resentful or you just'}, {'start': '1124.559', 'end': '1130.240', 'text': 'cling on to hope and you trust in God'}, {'start': '1127.120', 'end': '1132.559', 'text': "even when it's hard to do so."}, {'start': '1130.240', 'end': '1134.480', 'text': "And Lisa, when you're experiencing"}, {'start': '1132.559', 'end': '1136.720', 'text': 'grief, people often say it comes in'}, {'start': '1134.480', 'end': '1138.080', 'text': "waves. And and after your baby Judy's"}, {'start': '1136.720', 'end': '1140.960', 'text': 'death, you had mentioned that it felt'}, {'start': '1138.080', 'end': '1142.640', 'text': 'like a tsunami. So what did you learn'}, {'start': '1140.960', 'end': '1145.039', 'text': 'from the storms of grief that you had'}, {'start': '1142.640', 'end': '1148.400', 'text': 'experienced both immediately after her'}, {'start': '1145.039', 'end': '1151.919', 'text': 'death and then in the months following?'}, {'start': '1148.400', 'end': '1153.919', 'text': 'Much like a wave or a tsunami, a little'}, {'start': '1151.919', 'end': '1156.000', 'text': 'bit more of extreme of an example. Or I'}, {'start': '1153.919', 'end': '1160.440', 'text': 'also it comes to mind the visual of a'}, {'start': '1156.000', 'end': '1160.440', 'text': "contraction like when you're in labor."}, {'start': '1161.039', 'end': '1166.559', 'text': 'You have to go through it. Like the wave'}, {'start': '1164.000', 'end': '1168.559', 'text': 'is going to come. That contraction is'}, {'start': '1166.559', 'end': '1172.760', 'text': "going to happen and you're going to hit"}, {'start': '1168.559', 'end': '1176.840', 'text': 'this point of I cannot do this'}, {'start': '1172.760', 'end': '1180.799', 'text': 'anymore. But then the wave subsides, the'}, {'start': '1176.840', 'end': '1182.760', 'text': 'contraction reduces. And you very often,'}, {'start': '1180.799', 'end': '1185.440', 'text': 'you know, to use birth again as an'}, {'start': '1182.760', 'end': '1186.720', 'text': 'example, you very often have a moment of'}, {'start': '1185.440', 'end': '1188.160', 'text': "like, okay, I'm going to catch my"}, {'start': '1186.720', 'end': '1191.520', 'text': 'breath.'}, {'start': '1188.160', 'end': '1193.760', 'text': 'I think life is no different. You the'}, {'start': '1191.520', 'end': '1196.400', 'text': 'suffering in life, I hate to say it and'}, {'start': '1193.760', 'end': '1199.160', 'text': "I I wish honestly I truly wish it wasn't"}, {'start': '1196.400', 'end': '1202.320', 'text': 'true to be'}, {'start': '1199.160', 'end': '1205.360', 'text': 'honest. You can one can organize their'}, {'start': '1202.320', 'end': '1209.840', 'text': 'life and like get all the help and all'}, {'start': '1205.360', 'end': '1212.480', 'text': 'the work and you know hire out this and'}, {'start': '1209.840', 'end': '1214.799', 'text': 'you know make life easy, make some of'}, {'start': '1212.480', 'end': '1216.720', 'text': 'the practical things easy. You can do'}, {'start': '1214.799', 'end': '1218.000', 'text': 'that.'}, {'start': '1216.720', 'end': '1219.440', 'text': 'You can have the best spiritual'}, {'start': '1218.000', 'end': '1221.559', 'text': 'director. You can, you know what I mean?'}, {'start': '1219.440', 'end': '1225.080', 'text': 'Like you can have the best'}, {'start': '1221.559', 'end': '1228.360', 'text': 'resources, but suffering is going to'}, {'start': '1225.080', 'end': '1231.600', 'text': 'happen. It is just inevitable on this'}, {'start': '1228.360', 'end': '1234.880', 'text': 'side of the veil, we are going to'}, {'start': '1231.600', 'end': '1237.200', 'text': 'suffer. It is just a reality of life.'}, {'start': '1234.880', 'end': '1239.679', 'text': 'And so I think the faster we can come to'}, {'start': '1237.200', 'end': '1242.080', 'text': 'accept that that just like contractions'}, {'start': '1239.679', 'end': '1245.159', 'text': "during birth, just like a wave that's"}, {'start': '1242.080', 'end': '1247.400', 'text': 'going to hit and then is going to'}, {'start': '1245.159', 'end': '1250.600', 'text': "recede, it's going to"}, {'start': '1247.400', 'end': '1253.600', 'text': 'happen, but it will'}, {'start': '1250.600', 'end': '1257.480', 'text': 'also dissipate.'}, {'start': '1253.600', 'end': '1260.840', 'text': 'And this is where being a person of'}, {'start': '1257.480', 'end': '1263.000', 'text': 'hope, this is where that line in that'}, {'start': '1260.840', 'end': '1266.799', 'text': 'psalm that that'}, {'start': '1263.000', 'end': '1268.720', 'text': 'that through my suffering I can find a'}, {'start': '1266.799', 'end': '1271.679', 'text': 'way to praise. This is where being'}, {'start': '1268.720', 'end': '1274.960', 'text': "people of hope is so important. And it's"}, {'start': '1271.679', 'end': '1277.280', 'text': 'when we move from the why, okay, why'}, {'start': '1274.960', 'end': '1279.919', 'text': 'Lord? Why are you doing this? Why why'}, {'start': '1277.280', 'end': '1282.000', 'text': 'all this suffering? Why is life so hard?'}, {'start': '1279.919', 'end': '1284.480', 'text': 'Why did you take my baby? Why could I'}, {'start': '1282.000', 'end': '1288.159', 'text': 'not hold her?'}, {'start': '1284.480', 'end': '1292.480', 'text': 'And then you go to what? Okay, Lord,'}, {'start': '1288.159', 'end': '1295.600', 'text': "you've allowed this to happen. Now what?"}, {'start': '1292.480', 'end': '1296.679', 'text': 'What am I meant to learn? What am I'}, {'start': '1295.600', 'end': '1300.360', 'text': 'meant to'}, {'start': '1296.679', 'end': '1303.280', 'text': 'learn? How am I to cling on'}, {'start': '1300.360', 'end': '1305.679', 'text': 'you? And how can this maybe be a gift'}, {'start': '1303.280', 'end': '1309.480', 'text': 'for someone else? And I just want to'}, {'start': '1305.679', 'end': '1309.480', 'text': 'touch on those two things.'}, {'start': '1310.240', 'end': '1316.919', 'text': "I think in times of trial, there's this"}, {'start': '1313.400', 'end': '1320.480', 'text': 'unique sort of experience'}, {'start': '1316.919', 'end': '1322.159', 'text': 'where you can try to rely on yourself'}, {'start': '1320.480', 'end': '1324.559', 'text': 'and you can do some of those things like'}, {'start': '1322.159', 'end': '1326.240', 'text': 'like I said, you can have a nice bath,'}, {'start': '1324.559', 'end': '1328.559', 'text': 'you can drink a lot of water, you can'}, {'start': '1326.240', 'end': '1330.400', 'text': "make sure you're getting outside, those"}, {'start': '1328.559', 'end': '1334.080', 'text': 'kinds of things that are, you know,'}, {'start': '1330.400', 'end': '1337.880', 'text': 'certainly like selfdirected, right?'}, {'start': '1334.080', 'end': '1342.000', 'text': 'But at some point you must'}, {'start': '1337.880', 'end': '1343.600', 'text': 'learn how to rely on the Lord. And that'}, {'start': '1342.000', 'end': '1344.760', 'text': 'can look like a lot of things. That can'}, {'start': '1343.600', 'end': '1348.880', 'text': 'look'}, {'start': '1344.760', 'end': '1351.360', 'text': 'like prayer is your lifeline. That can'}, {'start': '1348.880', 'end': '1353.120', 'text': 'look like sitting in adoration as a way'}, {'start': '1351.360', 'end': '1356.000', 'text': 'to calm down rather than scroll'}, {'start': '1353.120', 'end': '1359.480', 'text': 'aimlessly on your phone. It can look'}, {'start': '1356.000', 'end': '1363.960', 'text': 'like a rosary instead'}, {'start': '1359.480', 'end': '1366.960', 'text': 'of impulse eating for that'}, {'start': '1363.960', 'end': '1369.039', 'text': 'comfort. And that is just such a huge'}, {'start': '1366.960', 'end': '1373.039', 'text': 'lesson to learn that I think for a lot'}, {'start': '1369.039', 'end': '1375.840', 'text': 'of people it takes too long. And'}, {'start': '1373.039', 'end': '1378.799', 'text': 'sometimes for some people, this is where'}, {'start': '1375.840', 'end': '1380.559', 'text': "suffering can be a gift because it it's"}, {'start': '1378.799', 'end': '1383.440', 'text': "a it's a quote unquote forced"}, {'start': '1380.559', 'end': '1387.880', 'text': 'invitation, if you will, to meet the'}, {'start': '1383.440', 'end': '1392.440', 'text': 'Lord where you clearly have no'}, {'start': '1387.880', 'end': '1395.840', 'text': 'control and say, "I trust you even'}, {'start': '1392.440', 'end': '1399.480', 'text': 'when I fear that trusting you is going'}, {'start': '1395.840', 'end': '1399.480', 'text': 'to be more difficult."'}, {'start': '1399.520', 'end': '1405.720', 'text': 'And then this gift to'}, {'start': '1403.000', 'end': '1408.240', 'text': "others when you're on the other side of"}, {'start': '1405.720', 'end': '1410.000', 'text': "suffering. So I'm now about a year or"}, {'start': '1408.240', 'end': '1412.000', 'text': "so, you know, I'm 2 years out from a"}, {'start': '1410.000', 'end': '1415.640', 'text': "miscarriage. I'm about a year from"}, {'start': '1412.000', 'end': '1419.280', 'text': 'living in 10 homes in 10 months.'}, {'start': '1415.640', 'end': '1420.760', 'text': 'and being able to look back and see now'}, {'start': '1419.280', 'end': '1424.960', 'text': 'with'}, {'start': '1420.760', 'end': '1429.520', 'text': 'wisdom. Ah Lord, you allowed me to go'}, {'start': '1424.960', 'end': '1433.039', 'text': 'through that so I could really gain a a'}, {'start': '1429.520', 'end': '1435.840', 'text': "a sense of what it's like to fully rely"}, {'start': '1433.039', 'end': '1438.720', 'text': "on you instead of myself. I'm like an"}, {'start': '1435.840', 'end': '1442.400', 'text': "expert at relying on myself, but you've"}, {'start': '1438.720', 'end': '1445.120', 'text': 'given me now experience to rely on you.'}, {'start': '1442.400', 'end': '1448.440', 'text': "You've given me evidence, Lord, of how"}, {'start': '1445.120', 'end': '1451.120', 'text': 'you do provide, how you can'}, {'start': '1448.440', 'end': '1454.000', 'text': 'provide. I think of all the people who'}, {'start': '1451.120', 'end': '1456.080', 'text': 'helped me during my miscarriage and'}, {'start': '1454.000', 'end': '1460.559', 'text': 'during our unique year of moving so many'}, {'start': '1456.080', 'end': '1463.679', 'text': 'times. I think of how much I prayed and'}, {'start': '1460.559', 'end': '1466.320', 'text': 'how much I just gave my sorrow, gave my'}, {'start': '1463.679', 'end': '1470.520', 'text': 'my suffering and just literally sat at'}, {'start': '1466.320', 'end': '1473.000', 'text': 'the foot of the cross and cried and'}, {'start': '1470.520', 'end': '1476.720', 'text': 'wept. I think of'}, {'start': '1473.000', 'end': '1478.640', 'text': 'just the compassion that I experienced'}, {'start': '1476.720', 'end': '1481.039', 'text': 'and the generosity from others. I had to'}, {'start': '1478.640', 'end': '1484.159', 'text': 'learn to let other people help me in'}, {'start': '1481.039', 'end': '1485.640', 'text': 'these seasons. And these are all things'}, {'start': '1484.159', 'end': '1487.880', 'text': 'that help us'}, {'start': '1485.640', 'end': '1490.200', 'text': 'to grow in'}, {'start': '1487.880', 'end': '1494.640', 'text': 'virtue, grow in'}, {'start': '1490.200', 'end': '1497.279', 'text': 'humility. And again, remember that this'}, {'start': '1494.640', 'end': '1500.760', 'text': "life is temporary. And truly, what we're"}, {'start': '1497.279', 'end': '1503.120', 'text': 'being equipped for is this life'}, {'start': '1500.760', 'end': '1505.039', 'text': 'eternal. Julia Marie, you had set your'}, {'start': '1503.120', 'end': '1507.120', 'text': 'induction date for March 25th, which is'}, {'start': '1505.039', 'end': '1508.640', 'text': 'the somnity of the enunciation of the'}, {'start': '1507.120', 'end': '1510.720', 'text': 'Lord. So, please tell us why did you'}, {'start': '1508.640', 'end': '1512.799', 'text': 'pick that date? And then in the weeks'}, {'start': '1510.720', 'end': '1514.720', 'text': "leading up to Anastasia's birth, what"}, {'start': '1512.799', 'end': '1517.640', 'text': 'were the requests that you had made of'}, {'start': '1514.720', 'end': '1520.480', 'text': 'God?'}, {'start': '1517.640', 'end': '1523.200', 'text': "So with babies with anecille, it's"}, {'start': '1520.480', 'end': '1525.600', 'text': "important that they're born um when"}, {'start': '1523.200', 'end': '1528.080', 'text': "they're still kind of small. So my"}, {'start': '1525.600', 'end': '1530.559', 'text': 'midwife had said, you know, we probably'}, {'start': '1528.080', 'end': '1533.760', 'text': 'should look at inducing you around, you'}, {'start': '1530.559', 'end': '1536.559', 'text': 'know, anywhere from 36 to 38 weeks just'}, {'start': '1533.760', 'end': '1540.880', 'text': 'to avoid her getting stuck on the way'}, {'start': '1536.559', 'end': '1543.440', 'text': 'out. So, which was a very big a very big'}, {'start': '1540.880', 'end': '1547.760', 'text': 'blow for me because I mean again the'}, {'start': '1543.440', 'end': '1550.960', 'text': 'only thing I could do to help her was'}, {'start': '1547.760', 'end': '1552.559', 'text': 'keep her safe was keep her in me and'}, {'start': '1550.960', 'end': '1555.279', 'text': 'make sure that because as long as she'}, {'start': '1552.559', 'end': '1559.279', 'text': 'was in my womb, she was happy, she was'}, {'start': '1555.279', 'end': '1562.080', 'text': 'healthy, she was safe. Um, so looking'}, {'start': '1559.279', 'end': '1564.320', 'text': 'ahead at those dates, I pulled up the'}, {'start': '1562.080', 'end': '1567.200', 'text': 'calendar and um, she was like, "Hey,'}, {'start': '1564.320', 'end': '1569.360', 'text': "look at sometime or let's go ahead and"}, {'start': '1567.200', 'end': '1573.760', 'text': 'look at the 37 week mark and just kind'}, {'start': '1569.360', 'end': '1576.000', 'text': 'of see what what that gives us." And I'}, {'start': '1573.760', 'end': '1578.559', 'text': 'remember pulling up the calendar and'}, {'start': '1576.000', 'end': '1581.600', 'text': 'seeing that the window that my midwife'}, {'start': '1578.559', 'end': '1584.000', 'text': 'had given me, I had two choices. Um, I'}, {'start': '1581.600', 'end': '1586.960', 'text': 'had the sem or the uh, the feast of St.'}, {'start': '1584.000', 'end': '1589.240', 'text': 'Joseph and then I had the somnity of the'}, {'start': '1586.960', 'end': '1592.000', 'text': 'of the enunciation'}, {'start': '1589.240', 'end': '1594.400', 'text': 'and I just felt this peace come over me'}, {'start': '1592.000', 'end': '1597.919', 'text': 'because it felt like God saying like hey'}, {'start': '1594.400', 'end': '1602.240', 'text': "it's okay you can let her go it's not"}, {'start': '1597.919', 'end': '1604.400', 'text': "going you're not hurting her and so I I"}, {'start': '1602.240', 'end': '1608.559', 'text': "was like this is I mean I've always had"}, {'start': '1604.400', 'end': '1610.720', 'text': 'a personal devotion to the enunciation.'}, {'start': '1608.559', 'end': '1612.880', 'text': 'Uh it was kind of one of those moments'}, {'start': '1610.720', 'end': '1615.279', 'text': 'of like, huh, I wonder if this is if'}, {'start': '1612.880', 'end': '1616.960', 'text': 'maybe God was preparing my heart, you'}, {'start': '1615.279', 'end': '1619.200', 'text': 'know, all these years like I never'}, {'start': '1616.960', 'end': '1622.200', 'text': 'understood why the the enunciation spoke'}, {'start': '1619.200', 'end': '1626.080', 'text': "to me so deeply that it's like, oh well,"}, {'start': '1622.200', 'end': '1628.039', 'text': 'this this would explain it. Um you know,'}, {'start': '1626.080', 'end': '1632.159', 'text': 'this is my moment'}, {'start': '1628.039', 'end': '1634.960', 'text': 'to emulate our ladies fiat. I this is my'}, {'start': '1632.159', 'end': '1637.039', 'text': 'chance to say yes to God, yes to'}, {'start': '1634.960', 'end': '1640.159', 'text': 'bringing this sweet little life into the'}, {'start': '1637.039', 'end': '1642.559', 'text': 'world. and leading up to her birth, I'}, {'start': '1640.159', 'end': '1646.400', 'text': 'mean, you know, she was, as they said,'}, {'start': '1642.559', 'end': '1649.520', 'text': 'incompatible with life. Um, so, you'}, {'start': '1646.400', 'end': '1650.960', 'text': "know, knowing I I I didn't pray for a"}, {'start': '1649.520', 'end': '1652.799', 'text': "miracle. Like, I didn't pray for"}, {'start': '1650.960', 'end': '1654.159', 'text': 'complete healing. People would say that'}, {'start': '1652.799', 'end': '1656.880', 'text': "all the time. Oh, we're praying for her"}, {'start': '1654.159', 'end': '1658.400', 'text': 'to just come out and have her head and'}, {'start': '1656.880', 'end': '1660.600', 'text': "just be fine. And I'm like, yes, that"}, {'start': '1658.400', 'end': '1664.559', 'text': "would be great, but I'm going"}, {'start': '1660.600', 'end': '1667.679', 'text': 'to just I I just wanted three things.'}, {'start': '1664.559', 'end': '1669.600', 'text': "like God, I I I don't need this gigantic"}, {'start': '1667.679', 'end': '1672.159', 'text': 'miracle. If you wanted to, fantastic.'}, {'start': '1669.600', 'end': '1674.480', 'text': 'But all I want is just for her to be'}, {'start': '1672.159', 'end': '1676.240', 'text': 'born alive. It was the first and my'}, {'start': '1674.480', 'end': '1677.919', 'text': 'deepest prayer was just let her be born'}, {'start': '1676.240', 'end': '1680.520', 'text': 'alive. Let me be able to look at her'}, {'start': '1677.919', 'end': '1684.240', 'text': 'face to face um while her heart is'}, {'start': '1680.520', 'end': '1686.120', 'text': 'beating. Um my second prayer was for her'}, {'start': '1684.240', 'end': '1689.600', 'text': 'to receive her'}, {'start': '1686.120', 'end': '1691.679', 'text': 'sacraments. And finally, I wanted her to'}, {'start': '1689.600', 'end': '1693.760', 'text': 'meet her brothers. you know, we were'}, {'start': '1691.679', 'end': '1697.520', 'text': 'very forthright with our boys going'}, {'start': '1693.760', 'end': '1700.320', 'text': 'through the whole process. Um, and they'}, {'start': '1697.520', 'end': '1702.480', 'text': 'were so excited to have a baby sister.'}, {'start': '1700.320', 'end': '1707.320', 'text': 'So, I just wanted them to be able to'}, {'start': '1702.480', 'end': '1711.520', 'text': 'meet her before she passed away.'}, {'start': '1707.320', 'end': '1713.360', 'text': 'And, you know, God delivered all of that'}, {'start': '1711.520', 'end': '1715.120', 'text': 'and more.'}, {'start': '1713.360', 'end': '1716.399', 'text': "and and I can't wait to share with our"}, {'start': '1715.120', 'end': '1718.720', 'text': 'viewers and have have you share with'}, {'start': '1716.399', 'end': '1721.039', 'text': 'them how he answered those prayers in'}, {'start': '1718.720', 'end': '1722.880', 'text': 'such a big and beautiful way. Now'}, {'start': '1721.039', 'end': '1724.399', 'text': "viewers, we've run out of time today,"}, {'start': '1722.880', 'end': '1726.159', 'text': "but don't worry, we are going to be"}, {'start': '1724.399', 'end': '1728.559', 'text': 'continuing these stories in an upcoming'}, {'start': '1726.159', 'end': '1730.559', 'text': 'episode. So Michaela Harrison, Julia'}, {'start': '1728.559', 'end': '1732.480', 'text': 'Marie Wulbright, and Lisa Canning, thank'}, {'start': '1730.559', 'end': '1733.679', 'text': 'you so much, ladies, for joining me. And'}, {'start': '1732.480', 'end': '1735.039', 'text': "I want you to know again, we're going to"}, {'start': '1733.679', 'end': '1737.919', 'text': 'continue these beautiful stories in a'}, {'start': '1735.039', 'end': '1739.520', 'text': 'future episode coming very soon. Thank'}, {'start': '1737.919', 'end': '1744.919', 'text': "you for joining us and we'll see you"}, {'start': '1739.520', 'end': '1744.919', 'text': 'again right here on the Catholic Sphere.'}]