Your Ex Has Moved On. Do the Same, Bro.
A few months before the pandemic struck, my partner and I decided to play hooky. We went on a date, wandering our town, doing those activities that locals never get a chance to do. First we sat down for an unhurried cup of coffee. Then we strolled through a mostly empty museum, stopping to read the captions and descriptions for the artifacts in each exhibit. We capped the evening with dinner at a restaurant in a newly opened luxury hotel.

Again, there were lots of vacant tables (where was everyone?), so the maître d’hôtel immediately led us through the bar area toward the dining room. After a day of moving slowly and laughing at inside jokes, I was completely relaxed and a bit giddy as I walked ahead of my partner, holding his hand. And then, before my brain could even transmit the information, I felt a chill run up my back and the hairs on my arms stand up.

Sitting a few feet away from me — and getting closer with every step I took — was my ex.

We’d been apart for many years by this point. And we were still great friends. We share two daughters, including a teenager, so we communicate all the time. I’d just spoken to him that very afternoon about summer camp options for our youngest. So why was this different?

Completely letting go of a relationship and watching that person move on to someone else is like watching a child grow up. They change, move on, and need less and less of you.

Well, it was different because my ex was sitting at the bar with a first-date smile on his face. And sitting across from him was a woman with a matching nice-to-meet-you smile on her face.

He was on a date. I wanted to throw up.

Keep in mind: I’m on a date too, with my actual boyfriend, whom I’d been dating for about six months at that point. (We’re now engaged to be married.)

But still, me and this guy sitting at the bar were together for more than a decade. As I approached, I saw his twentysomething self back in the ’90s, when we’d sit across from each other at Manhattan bars like Madame X, where we’d pool our meager spending money for after-work drinks.

It was super weird. And as these thoughts raced through my mind, I realized there were about 10 more steps until we were literally walking by my ex and his date. I had to think fast.

I called out his name. He saw me and looked like he was about to fall out of his chair. I waved, introduced him to my dude, and said hello to his date, all without stopping. Once I finally sat in my chair, across from my partner, I apologized for being so weird.

“Hey,” he said. “I have an ex-wife. If I saw her sitting at a bar with a guy… Well, actually, I’d just be really happy for her. Aren’t you happy for your ex?”

I opened my mouth to say yes. Or no. I wasn’t exactly sure.
['Aliya S. King']
['Relationships', 'Men', 'Self', 'Ex', 'Dear Level']