How a Single Lie Postponed my Sobriety for an Entire Decade
Photo courtesy of Thomas Picauly on Unsplash

My Daily Routine

For over a decade I drank almost every night, thinking to myself every time that the next day would be the start of my sobriety. In retrospect it sounds absurd, and I wouldn’t blame an outsider-looking-in for thinking I was crazy. I still have trouble understanding how I was able to delude myself so completely.

I woke up each day determined not to drink. I was never a morning drinker, so it was easy enough to get up and head off to school or work, staying sober until the day ended around five.

Then, on my way home, I’d feel the compulsion to drink. I’d come up with an excuse for why that day wasn’t a good day to quit. Either the day had been stressful and I needed to relax, or it had been a good day and I needed to celebrate. If it was early in the week, I’d tell myself I didn’t want to go through withdrawal at work. If it was a Friday, I’d tell myself I wanted to enjoy my time off.

It was never hard to find some excuse or another, and it never seemed like a big deal, because I always told myself “I’ll quit tomorrow.” After all, what’s one more day of drinking when I have a lifetime of sobriety right around the corner?

I would stop off in a convenience store, liquor shop, or supermarket to pick up my beer for the night. Like many alcoholics, simply deciding where to buy beer turned into a complex scheduling problem — I carefully avoided purchasing from the same store too often out of a fear that the cashiers might recognize my addiction.

I never bought more beer than I planned to drink that night, because I always believed that the next day I would quit for good. When I got home, I’d start drinking almost immediately. Through the first couple drinks I sometimes felt guilty, knowing that I had broken my resolve for what seemed like the millionth time. Three drinks in, the guilt subsided to drunkenness. By the time I finished my beer for the night, I was ready to go to sleep happy, content in my delusional belief that the next day would be the start of my sobriety.
['Benya Clark']
['Addiction Recovery', 'Alcoholism', 'Addiction', 'Sobriety', 'Health']