You know your worth. Do not let other people tell you otherwise.
But I’m writing here, now, is because I’ve been falling into the same trap again. Of letting what others think of me, hit me deep and straight in the core. How could I not though? The “others” I’ve been mentioning are my so called family…

Photo by Jochen van Wylick on Unsplash

What do you do when in your own household, you are made to feel you are never enough?

There are a lot of articles saying how one should cut out toxic people in life, even if they are family.

I don’t think I ever could.

I don’t think I ever would.

I was raised into believing how family is everything. How it doesn’t matter what other people think, except your family. How at the end of the day, it is going to be your family who’s going to have your back — be there with you when you get hospitalized or caught in any bad situation.

(Side track to this statement: It doesn’t matter what other people think, except your family. Is this because they are the ones who should know you better than anyone else, next to yourself?)

But what if your family is dysfunctional?…

My family is dysfunctional and I am honestly having a hard time coping into accepting this reality of mine. Yes, they are the ones who will be there for me when I get sick or get caught in any bad circumstance I faced/will face in life. But it is the little things they do everyday and how they show how my dad and I are some sort of an extra in this household and what we do is just never enough, is what’s killing me in the inside. I guess what’s bothering me the most is how unappreciative everyone in this household can be. Being stuck at home because of the pandemic, isn’t helping!

I have completely understood by now, how whatever I say or do will not change their thinking. More importantly, it is not a reflection of me anymore, but of them.

But it hurts and I wish I was dense enough not to feel any of this.

It sucks, that I care too much and it’s going to take a lot from me to change how I feel and make the best out of my situation.

It sucks being born in a dysfunctional family. Where out of 5, only 1 thinks for the family. And the rest of the members, continue to create divide among ourselves, myself included — because I do not like how I am being treated.
['Just A Girl']
['Reminders To Self', 'Love Yourself', 'Family', 'Dysfunctional Family', 'Self Love']