The Demonblog Index

Every Demonblog post and ordinary headline. Note that the '03 and '04 entries were recovered from my pre-Demonblog days and are therefore shorter and even worse than the astonishingly poor quality on offer elsewhere.

Also the capitalisation is reproduced below exactly as it was when the post was first written, capturing the glory days when I thought the first word of every title should be in caps. And if you'd like your own moderately cleaned up version of the posts 2007 - 2016 do this.

Retro Reviews

- Old games looked at through a modern lense

Round 20 vs West Coast - Retro Review


The pre-Demonblog era

- Amateur posts written amateurly

Wizard Cup Round 1 vs Richmond - [Untitled]

Wizard Cup Semi Final vs Geelong - And that's the end of that
Round 2 vs Richmond - Friday Night Farce
Round 7 vs West Coast - Eagles fans love Big Cox
Round 12 vs Collingwood - [Untitled]

- Proper posts written amateurly

Wizard Cup Round 1 vs Brisbane - Enter Spaanderman
Wizard Cup Quarter Final vs Carlton - Seasick, Yet Still Docked
Round 1 vs Essendon - Q: Are we not men? A: We are Demons!
Round 2 vs Footscray - Getting away with it
Round 3 vs Geelong - Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me
Round 4 vs St Kilda - I know it's over
Round 5 vs Sydney - Stranger in a strange land
Round 6 vs Fremantle - JUST GET OUT
Round 7 vs Adelaide - Friday Night's a Shite Night for Football
Round 9 vs Carlton - Knock it down
Round 10 vs Richmond - There's only one Nathan Brown (...)
Round 11 vs North Melbourne - Capital Punishment
Round 12 vs Collingwood - Take that to the bank
Round 13 vs West Coast - Cover my arse corner (by Peter M)
Round 14 vs Brisbane - Rubbish exported
Round 15 vs Port Adelaide - [Untitled] (by Kara)
Round 16 vs Sydney - I can't stand up for falling down
Round 17 vs Fremantle - You've got to laugh
Round 18 vs St Kilda - We keep our toaster in the bathtub
Round 19 vs Adelaide - Death by football
Round 20 vs Geelong - You're 1 point down, you come from a shit town
Round 21 vs Footscray - Son, I'm afraid we're going to have to put your puppy down (by Peter M)
Round 22 vs Essendon - Apply Some Pressure

NAB Cup Quarter Final vs Brisbane - For The Tip
Round 1 vs Carlton - No Future
Round 2 vs Footscray - Death Of A Salesman
Round 3 vs Adelaide - I Can Hear The Grass Grow
Round 4 vs Sydney - Everybody Is A Star
Round 5 vs North Melbourne - Take it to the limit
Round 6 vs Geelong - Don't turn around, Der Koroner's in town
Round 7 vs Fremantle - Never go on holidays (by Johnny Knoxville)
Round 8 vs Hawthorn - Brock and Roll
Round 9 vs West Coast - Demonblog's Super Sunday Slopfest Special
Round 10 vs St Kilda - Brock Show
Round 11 vs Collingwood - Birth of a Legend
Round 12 vs Essendon - FUCK OFF SHEEDS
Round 13/14 vs Port Adelaide/Brisbane - Congratulations, I have (re)arrived
Round 15 vs Richmond - Friday Night Slops
Round 16 vs Fremantle - Slop On Tap
Round 17 vs Footscray - Search and Destroy
Round 18 vs Carlton - What the fuck was that?
Round 19 vs Sydney - Born To Lose
Round 20 vs North Melbourne - Second Half Blitz (by Rowdy)
Round 21 vs Geelong - Love Thy Bogan (by Sideshow Bob)
Round 22 vs Adelaide - Suicide Saturday II
Elimination Final vs St Kilda - Finals (uh!) What are they good for?
Semi Final vs Fremantle - Weekdays and Bleakdays

NAB Cup Round 1 vs Hawthorn - Pre Season Panic (The Other PSP)
Practice Match vs Richmond - Let's move on shall we?
Round 1 vs St Kilda - Give me my Friday night back
Round 2 vs Hawthorn - Marjorie Wilson Appreciation Day
Round 3 vs Geelong - My Brain Hurts
Round 4 vs Fremantle - Dia De Los Muertos
Round 5 vs Sydney - Road Trip Rage (by Tom M)
Round 6 vs Port Adelaide - The Spanish Inquisition
Round 7 vs Footscray - Watching the Defectives
Round 8 vs West Coast - Rack up the lines, we're off to Subi (by Peter M)
Round 9 vs North Melbourne - Beat me, hurt me
Round 10 vs Adelaide - We Fought The War, And We Won (a game..)
Round 11 vs Collingwood - From the Rubble to the Ritz
Round 12 vs Richmond - Why bother?
Round 13 vs Essendon - The hits just keep on coming
Round 16 vs North Melbourne - Notes From A Scandal
Round 17 vs Port Adelaide - Character Assassination
Round 18 vs Sydney - Roadtrip Fever
Round 19 vs Footscray - Saturday Night Fever
Round 20 vs Collingwood - We could have been a contender
Round 21 vs Fremantle - Super Saturday Slops
Round 22 vs Carlton - Thank god that's over. When does next year start?

NAB Cup Round 1 vs Geelong - (Geelong) Road To Nowhere
Practice Match vs Footscray - The night the lights went out in Bendigo
Practice Match vs North Melbourne - Southern Suburbs Suicide Saturday Special
Round 1 vs Hawthorn - The Winter Of Our Discontent
Round 2 vs Footscray - I Hate You So Much Right Now
Round 3 vs Geelong - Highway to Hell
Round 4 vs Carlton - Crazy For Feeling So Blue
Round 5 vs North Melbourne - Saturday Depression Session
Round 6 vs Brisbane - It's Grim Up North
Round 7 vs Fremantle - I Feel Love
Round 8 vs Adelaide - Normal Service Has Been Resumed: Melbourne Football Club Apologies For Any Inconvenience
Round 9 vs Hawthorn - Someday This War's Gonna End
Round 10 vs St Kilda - The Stephen Powell Memorial Shield (by Captain Davey)
Round 11 vs Collingwood - Super Happy Fun Asia Report...
Round 12 vs St Kilda - Despair In The Dome (by Davey Magik)
Round 13 vs Sydney - I see Red...... Hair (by McLean_4_Captain)
Round 14 vs Brisbane - It's Miller Time
Round 15 vs Footscray - Stormy Weather
Round 16 vs Fremantle - Deathbed Football
Round 17 vs North Melbourne - Blue Sunday
Round 18 vs Essendon - And The Crowd Goes Absolutely Mild
Round 19 vs Geelong - Friday Night Follies
Round 20 vs West Coast - Welcome To The Blunderdome
Round 21 vs Port Adelaide - Another Victim Of South Australian Serial Killers
Round 22 vs Richmond - Three Retirements and a Funeral

NAB Cup Round 1 vs Hawthorn - New Year, Same Team
Practice Match vs Sydney - 50 Ways to Lose A Match
Practice Match vs Footscray - How 'bout That Drought? (by Jane, Andy and Gabrielle)
Round 1 vs North Melbourne - One Is The Loneliest Number
Round 2 vs Collingwood - In the event of a major disaster the season management plan will swing into immediate action
Round 3 vs Port Adelaide - Chasing AAMI
Round 4 vs Richmond -
Bring Your Quarter To The Slaughter
Round 5 vs Adelaide - The Truth Is Out There
Round 6 vs Geelong - The Foregone Conclusion Cup
Round 7 vs West Coast - Go West. Lose. Come Back. Lose Again
Round 8 vs Footscray - Dog Day Afternoon
Round 9 vs Hawthorn - Armpit vs Deodorant
Round 10 vs St Kilda - Golden Showers
Round 11 vs Collingwood - Crusty Demons of Shite
Round 12 vs Essendon - The Royal Shaft
Round 13 vs Brisbane - Northern Exposure (by George_From_The_Outer)
Round 14 vs West Coast - One for the Boss
Round 15 vs Port Adelaide - Here I Am! Rock You Like A Jurrahcane!
Round 16 vs Geelong - Back to life, Back to Reality
Round 17 vs Sydney - Capital Punishment
Round 18 vs Richmond - 2009 Melbourne International Tank Festival
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - You Can't Stop The Horror
Round 20 vs Fremantle - Interstate visitors, Melbourne welcomes you
Round 21 vs Carlton - Monumental Moments in History
Round 22 vs St Kilda - It was all a dream

Intra-club game - Intra-Clubbed To Death
NAB Cup Round 1 vs Fremantle - Go West, we are putrid there
Practice Match vs Essendon - It could be worse..
Round 1 vs Hawthorn - No Mas, No Mas
Round 2 vs Collingwood - Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Round 3 vs Adelaide - The Impossible Dream
Round 4 vs Richmond - Direct from hell
Round 5 vs Brisbane - Tear the roof off the sucker
Round 6 vs North Melbourne - Riding high in April, shot down in May
Round 7 vs Footscray - Not a dry seat in the house
Round 8 vs West Coast - Footy gets plums
Round 9 vs Port Adelaide - Seconds from Disaster
Round 10 vs Geelong - Wasted weekends
Round 11 vs Carlton - Hurricane Shithouse
Round 12 vs Collingwood - "The writers of Demonblog humbly apologise to Mark Jamar for every single post written pre-2008. We now recognise that he is the greatest human alive"
Round 13 vs Adelaide - Touch it you rubbish
Round 14 vs St Kilda - Welcome to the Leisuredome
Round 15 vs Essendon - The Great Shark Hunt
Round 16 vs Fremantle - Crunty and Western
Round 17 vs Sydney - One for the true believers
Round 18 vs Brisbane - The night the coach nearly went off the balcony
Round 19 vs Richmond - The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Round 20 vs Hawthorn - RT: @deanbailey Footy is Shit
Round 21 vs Port Adelaide - Ding dong the witch is.. alive and kicking
Round 22 vs North Melbourne - Here endeth the sizzle

Intra-club match - A day at the footy... kinda (by Eskimo)
NAB Cup Round 1 vs Adelaide/Port Adelaide - THE STREAK
NAB Cup Quarter Final vs Essendon - Keep Feeling (Agitation)
Practice Match vs Brisbane - Let the good times roll
Round 1 vs Sydney - It's a weird and wonderful world
Round 2 vs Hawthorn - National Shite Day
Round 3 vs Brisbane - Cute, fluffy and not even slightly ruthless
Round 4 vs Gold Coast - Advanced, Forthright, Insignificant
Round 6 vs West Coast - Spaghetti Western
Round 7 vs Adelaide - Crisis Management 101
Round 8 vs North Melbourne - Shit Sandwich
Round 9 vs St Kilda - If you tolerate this your children will be next..
Round 10 vs Carlton - Zombie Nation
Round 11 vs Essendon - Violent Mood Swings
Round 12 vs Collingwood - One hit wonders
Round 13 vs Fremantle - Rollercoaster of Love
Round 14 vs Richmond - Let them burn and we shall all clap our hands
Round 15 vs Footscray - Dog Day Aftermath
Round 17 vs Port Adelaide - The Thriller in (conditions resembling) Manilla
Round 18 vs Hawthorn - The light at the end of the tunnel (is the light of an oncoming train)
Round 19 vs Geelong - 'In the dark times, will there also be singing? Yes, there will also be singing. About the dark times.'
Round 20 vs Carlton - Bloodsport for all
Round 21 vs West Coast - Shaky Minus Ladder
Round 22 vs Richmond - Be strong, it's almost over
Round 23 vs Gold Coast - It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again
Round 24 vs Port Adelaide - Viney's Final Siren

NAB Cup match one vs Brisbane/Gold Coast - Lukewarm three-way action
NAB Cup match two vs Collingwood - Let's go fundamental
NAB Cup match three vs Hawthorn - THUD
Practice Match vs Port Adelaide - Nervous sweating and adjustment of the upper collar
Round 1 vs Brisbane - You've got to laugh (again)
Round 2 vs West Coast - Weird and Twisted Nights
Round 3 vs Richmond - A clear choice between vulgarity and obscenity
Round 4 vs Footscray - Rock Bottom Redux
Round 5 vs St Kilda - The tide hastens for no man
Round 6 vs Geelong - I'm a country member
Round 7 vs Hawthorn - Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
Round 8 vs Sydney - Death by a thousand cuts
Round 9 vs Carlton - Hashtag Surrender
Round 10 vs Essendon - Reunited (and it feels so good)
Round 11 vs Collingwood - Squashed by the Reality Bus
Round 13 vs Greater Western Sydney - Fear and Loathing in the Olympic Stand
Round 14 vs Brisbane - Taking The Clunge
Round 15 vs Richmond - Trading while insolvent
Round 16 vs Fremantle - 50 Shades of Brown
Round 17 vs Port Adelaide - Begone vile creatures
Round 18 vs North Melbourne - NO CARRIER
Round 19 vs Gold Coast - You take it where you can get it
Round 20 vs St Kilda - Landfill football
Round 21 vs Greater Western Sydney - Everything looks better in slow motion
Round 22 vs Adelaide - I've grown accustomed to your farce
Round 23 vs Fremantle - One Day in September

NAB Cup match one vs North Melbourne/Richmond - Casual Friday
Practice Match vs St Kilda - Hotter Than Hell II: Endless Summer
Round 1 vs Port Adelaide - Cleanup in Aisle 666
Round 2 vs Essendon - Minus five stars
Round 3 vs West Coast - #fistedforever
Round 4 vs Greater Western Sydney - S&MFC
Round 5 vs Brisbane - Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?
Round 6 vs Carlton - Last Exit To Brunton Avenue
Round 7 vs Gold Coast - Black Sunday
Round 8 vs Richmond - An orderly retreat
Round 9 vs Fremantle - Air Farce One
Round 10 vs Hawthorn - The long dark tea-time of the soul (by @R3mm3t)
Round 11 vs Collingwood - Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown (by @maesy5)
Round 13 vs St Kilda - Return of the Human Centipede
Round 14 vs Footscray - Neil Craig: Our Mastermind
Round 15 vs Sydney - Signs of life
Round 16 vs Geelong - Theme From Cannibal Holocaust
Round 17 vs Brisbane - More from the Pointless Manifesto Department
Round 18 vs North Melbourne - Mince
Round 19 vs Greater Western Sydney - Abandon ship
Round 20 vs Gold Coast - National Lampoons Queensland Vacation
Round 21 vs Fremantle - No one is innocent
Round 22 vs Adelaide - Lifestyles Of The Broke and Irrelevant
Round 23 vs Footscray - The call of the void

NAB Challenge match one vs Richmond - Good clean fun
NAB Challenge match two vs Geelong - Live from the slag heap
Practice match vs Hawthorn - So. Your car is kaput, and your girlfriend is gone. And thine house they have sold.
Round 1 vs St Kilda - Postcards From Three Mile Island
Round 2 vs West Coast - Mo Slurry, Mo Problems
Round 3 vs Greater Western Sydney - Don't cry for me, I'm already dead
Round 4 vs Carlton - The Yes Movement (Formerly "Pain, Blues and agony")
Round 5 vs Gold Coast - Love in the Time of Ineptitude
Round 6 vs Sydney - Huddled masses yearning to breathe free
Round 7 vs Adelaide - Demonblog's 500th post spectacular
Round 8 vs Footscray - Temporary respectability adjustment
Round 9 vs Richmond - The sweet sound of mid-table mediocrity
Round 11 vs Port Adelaide - A Town Called Malice
Round 12 vs Collingwood - Damn Yankees
Round 13 vs Essendon - Rope-a-dope fiend
Round 14 vs North Melbourne - Flattened like a tack
Round 15 vs Footscray - Life education
Round 16 vs Fremantle - A return to traditional values
Round 17 vs Geelong - 5.6.36 - The number of the beast
Round 18 vs Port Adelaide - Quicksand incorporated
Round 19 vs Brisbane - Eat, Sleep, Prolong the Streak
Round 20 vs Hawthorn - Long walk meets short pier
Round 21 vs Greater Western Sydney - Home is where the hate is
Round 22 vs West Coast - Young, dumb and full of glum
Round 23 vs North Melbourne - The last act of defiance

NAB Challenge match one vs Fremantle - 2 teams, 0 cups
NAB Challenge match two vs Footscray - A succulent Chinese meal
NAB Challenge match three vs Essendon - The big top is back in town
Round 1 vs Gold Coast - Reclaim Round 1
Round 2 vs Greater Western Sydney - Division required
Round 3 vs Adelaide - Malaise forever
Round 4 vs Richmond - Strange Rumblings on Brunton Avenue
Round 5 vs Fremantle - You can't play Richmond every week
Round 6 vs Sydney - Bloods d. Crips
Round 7 vs Hawthorn - Absentee vote
Round 8 vs Footscray - Love Theme from Melbourne Football Club
Round 9 vs Port Adelaide - Strange medicine in the desert
Round 10 vs Collingwood - Fear of a Black and White Planet
Round 11 vs St Kilda - Defensive indifference
Round 12 vs Geelong - Road Warriors
Round 14 vs West Coast - Unity and Struggle
Round 15 vs Essendon - Down with this sort of thing
Round 16 vs Brisbane - It's lonely at the top (of the bottom four)
Round 17 vs St Kilda - Throwing deckchairs off the Titanic
Round 18 vs Collingwood - Take off your pants and jacket
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - Tales from the script
Round 20 vs Footscray - Complaining To A Tree
Round 21 vs Carlton - Instant asset write-offs
Round 22 vs Fremantle - The Rainbow Connection meets the Reality Bus uptown
Round 23 vs Greater Western Sydney - Lifting the veil

NAB Challenge match one vs Port Adelaide - Building dreams from the ground up
NAB Challenge match two vs Footscray - This is living
NAB Challenge match three vs St Kilda - Beware the tides of March
Round 1 vs Greater Western Sydney - The life erotic
Round 2 vs Essendon - The Mouse That Bored
Round 3 vs North Melbourne - Divine wind
Round 4 vs Collingwood - Floating to the surface
Round 5 vs Richmond - Gawn Service
Round 6 vs St Kilda - Don't believe the hype
Round 7 vs Gold Coast - How I learned to stop worrying and love the long bomb
Round 8 vs Footscray - Throw your hate in the ring
Round 9 vs Brisbane - I knew the bride when she used to be a moll
Round 10 vs Port Adelaide - Assisted Football Living
Round 11 vs Hawthorn - Water, water everywhere so let's all have a drink
Round 12 vs Collingwood - Maximum Force
Round 13 vs Sydney - All at sea
Round 15 vs Adelaide - The malady lingers
Round 16 vs Fremantle - Steamy wonder
Round 17 vs St Kilda - The sadness will last forever
Round 18 vs West Coast - How the West was wasted
Round 19 v Gold Coast - Trial by ordeal
Round 20 vs Hawthorn - Brawl State vs Natural High
Round 21 vs Port Adelaide - Talent plus attitude equals dollars
Round 22 vs Carlton - Blue Murder
Round 23 vs Geelong - Decade ends, era endures

AFLW Round 1 vs Brisbane - A tradition begins
AFLW Round 2 vs Collingwood - It begins
JLT Community Series Game 1 vs Footscray - The kings of summer are back
AFLW Round 3 vs Western Bulldogs - NB: A team called Melbourne is in the top four
AFLW Round 4 vs Carlton - Fields Of Dream (by @daniel5faulkner)
JLT Community Series Game 2 vs Carlton - Chipping away at the glass ceiling
AFLW Round 5 vs GWS - Miss Shop
JLT Community Series Game 3 vs West Coast - A gentle reminder
AFLW Round 6 vs Adelaide - Peekaboo I.C.U
AFLW Round 7 vs Fremantle - Carnage in Cranbourne
Round 1 vs St Kilda - Awakenings
Round 2 vs Carlton - The Mediocre Escape
Round 3 vs Geelong - Kicking into danger
Round 4 vs Fremantle - Touching cloth
Round 5 vs Richmond - Reinventing hell
Round 6 vs Essendon - Fortress Shithole
Round 7 vs Hawthorn - But then the demon, much too soon, returned one Sunday afternoon
Round 8 vs Adelaide - Whale Oil Beef Hooked
Round 9 vs North Melbourne - Stranglewank Sunday
Round 10 vs Gold Coast - Nobody does it better
Round 12 vs Collingwood - The slaves will grow wings and overthrow their masters
Round 13 vs Footscray - This machine kills finalists
Round 14 vs West Coast - Start the bulldozers, the job is done
Round 15 vs Sydney - The big fizz
Round 16 vs Carlton - The Big Steal
Round 17 vs Adelaide - Malfunction at the junction
Round 18 vs Port Adelaide - The plot thickens
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - Fear of Flying
Round 20 vs Greater Western Sydney - Australian Capsizing Team
Round 21 vs St Kilda - The dream shall never die (but I might)
Round 22 vs Brisbane - Breathing into a paper bag
Round 23 vs Collingwood - Home and broken hearted

AFLW Round 1 vs Greater Western Sydney - Trial by video
AFLW Round 2 vs Adelaide - The quest for fun
AFLW Round 3 vs Fremantle - The number you have dialled is not connected
AFLX - Same old piss in a new bottle
JLT Community Series Game 1 vs North Melbourne - More of the good stuff, less of the bad stuff
AFLW Round 4 vs Collingwood - The sound of a rapidly deflating balloon
AFLW Round 5 vs Brisbane - Uphill skiing
JLT Community Series Game 2 vs St Kilda - The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
AFLW Round 6 vs Carlton - Here comes success (or a fiasco)
AFLW Round 7 vs Footscray - Don't fear the reaper
Round 1 vs Geelong - Gloom, despair and agony
Round 2 vs Brisbane - He pulled out just enough to win
Round 3 vs North Melbourne - Our long national nightmare is over
Round 4 vs Hawthorn - Things can only get bitter
Round 5 vs Richmond - Don't forget you're here forever
Round 6 vs Essendon - Randy Salvage
Round 7 vs St Kilda - Keep a lid on things
Round 8 vs Gold Coast - Slip, slap, slop
Round 9 vs Carlton - How to make friends and eviscerate people
Round 10 vs Adelaide - Alice Wonderland
Round 11 vs Footscray - Six won and tons for fun
Round 12 vs Collingwood - On the slide
Round 14 vs Port Adelaide - Friday night and I just love complaining
Round 15 vs St Kilda - The Welcome To My Nightmare Game
Round 16 vs Fremantle - Home sweat home
Round 17 vs Footscray - Climb the ladder, make yourself famous
Round 18 vs Geelong - Respect the clock and tame the punt
Round 19 vs Adelaide - Attempting reentry
Round 20 vs Gold Coast - The maim event
Round 21 vs Sydney - Unsafe at any speed
Round 22 vs West Coast - You're going home in a cosmic ambience
Round 23 vs Greater Western Sydney - The Great Australian Free Hit
Elimination Final vs Geelong - Weid The People
Semi Final vs Hawthorn - So this is what it feels like when doves cry
Preliminary Final vs West Coast - Fly In, Fall Over

AFLW Round 1 vs Fremantle - What to expect when you're expecting
AFLW Round 2 vs Collingwood - Unsack everyone
AFLW Round 3 vs Brisbane - Venue: Hickey, Opposition: Sucked
Practice Match vs Collingwood - One win down, 27 to go
AFLW Round 4 vs North Melbourne - The Cardiac Club
JLT Community Series Game 1 vs Richmond - Sheppatitis
AFLW Round 5 vs Greater Western Sydney - Protect and Survive
JLT Community Series Game 2 vs Brisbane - Panic on the streets of Cranbourne
AFLW Round 6 vs Footscray - The show goes on
AFLW Round 7 vs Adelaide - I did but see her premiership window pass by
Round 1 vs Port Adelaide - Extraordinary people doing bloody ordinary things
Round 2 vs Geelong - Let thine eyes with horror stare into that vast perpetual torture house
Round 3 vs Essendon - Four Quarters and a Funeral
Round 4 vs Sydney - The comeback is on
Round 5 vs St Kilda - The comeback is off
Round 6 vs Richmond - Best we forget
Round 7 vs Hawthorn - Not drowning, waving
Round 8 vs Gold Coast - We got the goldmine, they got the shaft
Round 9 vs West Coast - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** ***k
Round 10 vs GWS - Can't get there from here
Round 11 vs Adelaide - (I Just) Died In The Arse Tonight
Round 12 vs Collingwood - Declaration of bore
Round 14 vs Fremantle - Shelter from the Storm
Round 15 vs Brisbane - What a terrible mess I've made of my life
Round 16 vs Carlton - Survivor Series
Round 17 vs Western Bulldogs - Same Old Story
Round 18 vs West Coast - 17 and counting
Round 19 vs St Kilda - You'll Never Walk Again
Round 20 vs Richmond - Everybody Hurts
Round 21 vs Collingwood - Longshot kicks bucket
Round 22 vs Sydney - Friday night and the gates are low
Round 23 vs North Melbourne - The battle of who could care less

AFLW Round 1 vs North Melbourne - Back from the dread
AFLW Round 2 vs Footscray - The rain it raineth every day
AFLW Round 3 vs St Kilda - Friday night filth
Marsh Community Series Game 1 vs Adelaide - What could possibly go wrong from here?
Practice match vs North Melbourne - All that and not much more
AFLW Round 4 vs Collingwood - Close the Roof
Marsh Community Series Game 2 vs Hawthorn - A night on the isles
AFLW Round 5 vs Fremantle - International Day of Record Wins
AFLW Round 6 vs Carlton - The Sound of Silence
AFLW Semi Final vs Greater Western Sydney - Miracles in an emergency
Round 1 vs West Coast - Behind Closed Doors
Round 4 vs Geelong - No repayment, no interest
Round 5 vs Richmond - Tora Tora Toilet
Round 6 vs Gold Coast - The Ecstasy of Gold Coast
Round 7 vs Hawthorn - Mask on, lid bubbling
Round 8 vs Brisbane - A trip down misery lane
Round 9 vs Port Adelaide - Festival of Fist
Round 10 vs Adelaide - Heat melts cube
Round 11 vs North Melbourne - Sequel just as good as the original
Round 12 vs Collingwood - Million Dollar Fisting
Round 13 vs Footscray - Putting the cart before the horse
Round 14 vs St Kilda - Heist society
Round 15 vs Sydney - Bathwater overdose
Round 16 vs Fremantle - Shower of Shit
Round 17 vs Greater Western Sydney - Boy meets hurl

AFLW Round 1 vs Gold Coast - The Many Moods of Melbourne
AFLW Round 2 vs Richmond - I've got a Tiger by the tail
AFLW Round 3 vs North Melbourne - Home Alone
AFLW Round 4 vs Footscray - Can't buy a thrill
Practice match vs Richmond - The carnival is back in town
AFLW Round 5 vs Collingwood - Dead end street
AFLW Round 6 vs St Kilda - Pearce them off
AAMI Community Series vs Footscray - FFC vs FFS
AFLW Round 7 vs Adelaide - From woe to go
Round 2 vs St Kilda - A cat couldn't scratch it
AFLW Qualifying Final vs Fremantle - When you're hot you're hot
AFLW Preliminary Final vs Adelaide - Interstate of Disaster
Round 4 vs Geelong - Be still cat
Round 5 vs Hawthorn - High five
Round 6 vs Richmond - The Nathan Jonestown Massacre
Round 7 vs North Melbourne - The last shall be first
Round 8 vs Sydney - Eight the hard way
Round 9 vs Carlton - Channel 9-0
Round 10 vs Adelaide - The recession we had to have
Round 11 vs Footscray - Bouncing back
Round 12 vs Brisbane - Dees go to 11
Round 13 vs Collingwood - A farce to be reckoned with
Round 15 vs Essendon - Saturday Night Lever
Round 16 vs GWS - Misery is the best policy