Tuesday, 31 March 2020

Things I'm Still Trying To Do

If you remember, before things .... I don't even know what to say... got scary?  weird?  exploded?  got bad here?  got real?  But... before *waves arms around* all this, I was dealing with a diagnosis of pre-diabetes and possible heart disease.  Stuff.

And I was working on doing things for my health to work against these concerns/issues.  And I'm still trying, as much as I can, during these days.

I am trying to still intermittent fast as much as is feasible.  Which for me really just means not eating after 7:30 in the evening and not eating before 11:30 in the morning, although some mornings it's a bit earlier than that when I start and that's ok.  I'm working hard not to beat myself up right now, but rather to be self encouraging.

I'm also meant to be reducing sugar and carbs, and well, that's a little bit out the window at the moment and that's going to just have to be ok for a while.  I'm wrapping my brain around an awful lot of things right now and having a creme egg while I do it is going to have to be ok.

But man oh man the cravings.  The cravings for things I certainly wasn't craving before isolation or physical distancing or whatever it is I'm doing these days.  Like.... saltines type crackers?  I haven't had them in years!  YEARS!  Not for the gluten and certainly not for the carbs these days but now, out of nowhere?  It's like yeah, world may be ending, I want saltines crackers.

And chips.  Chips in general.  I mean, sure, I was totally craving them before now, but now maybe because I don't have any and am not going out to get any (although I will likely put a small bag on my next order, THE GUILT!) it's like WANT NOW.  Which... it's harder to talk myself out of cravings right now because there's this sense of "who knows what will happen?  what's to come?" and so it's harder.  But I'm still trying to kind of be mindful when and where I can. 

I have a lot of anxiety around the worst case scenarios of possible happenings right now, and that's not helping either.  Like... part of me is certain that there will be a breakdown of the supply chain.  That soon there will be no fruit to buy.  And soon there will be NO FOOD to buy at all and so it's hard to eat normally when I'm both not really hungry (stress) but also wanting things (randomly) that I wouldn't have allowed myself to get for the last year or even more (hi, Oreos?  I haven't had any in years, just don't think about it, but C-Dawg joked they were in her quarantine kit and now I'm like OREOS????? WANT????!!!)  And I'm already such a disaster internally (mind) that picking on myself for wanting and/or maybe ordering them is not totally helpful.

I talked to a colleague the other day and she said she was waiting for a sort of routine or flow to establish and I wish I could get a sense that that will happen, but I don't right now.  People are talking about a "new normal" and I'm still over here freaking the eff out and barely day by day to notice if anything has become normal or routine.... that may take a while.

But, I digress.  I am still *attempting* to approach my eating in a somewhat vaguely health conscious way.  I'm not sure how well I'm doing but.... I'm still at least... keeping it in mind?


Jason Langlois said...

I've discovered I likely spend way more eating out than I thought, but also that cooking at home really ramps up the Hyrdo bill.

Sympathize with all the cravings. Rationing out my chips and cookies to last as long as possible really sucks.

Victoria said...

That's an interesting discovery!

And I got a food delivery yesterday where I "snuck" in some doritos and I think they might have been the best I've ever tasted, in all likelihood because of the "you can't have!" psychology of not having access....

Brains are weird.