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This is a transcribed copy of "The New Crystal Gems". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "That Will Be All" Next: "Storm in the Room"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Beach House]
(Concluding the events in That Will Be All, the Roaming Eye arrives back on Earth and lands on the beach in front of the Crystal Temple. Connie opens the front door and runs out of the beach house in excitement, as Steven, Greg and the Crystal Gems emerges from the ship.)
Greg Oh, good old, natural sand. That fancy zoo sand was too fine for me.
Connie Hey! Steven!
Steven Connie!
Connie *hugs Steven and giggles* You're back, and you're okay! Did you get your ears pierced?
Steven Oh man, you're not going to believe what happened! We went to a far-off space station! We made some new friends! We warped the space-time continuum! Sorry we left you behind.
Connie It's okay. You were really worried about your dad. I'm just glad you're all back safe.
Greg Yep. All thanks to this guy.
(Greg pulls Steven in for a hug, and Steven blushes.)
Steven Did anything happen while we were gone?
Connie Uhh... Lion behaved himself. I restocked all the cereal and washed all the towels.
Steven Sounds like everything went well.
Connie Well... there was a little trouble.
(Connie begins retelling her tale, setting a flashback to the point before Steven and the Crystal Gems left for space.)
[Trans. Int. Maheswaran Residence]
Connie (Narrating) When I got that call from you, I could tell you had a lot going on.
(Connie was in her living room, talking on the phone with Steven.)
Steven (On phone) Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back.
Connie *puts on Rose's Sword* I can be there in fifteen! Or actually, maybe twenty, twenty-five because I might have to take the bus-
Steven There's no time. We're going right now. Just... protect Beach City for me while we're gone.
Connie You can count on me!
(Connie hung up the call and took a deep breath.)
Connie (Narrating) It was a big job for one person, but I felt up to the challenge.
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
Connie (Narrating) I made your way over to your house. And that's when I realized I wasn't alone.
(Connie enters the beach house and hears toilet flushing in the bathroom. She quickly draws her sword and makes her way to the bathroom.)
[Trans. Int. Steven's Bathroom]
(Connie bursts into the bathroom and swipes her sword. She then pauses when she sees Lapis and Peridot, in the toilet, inside.)
Peridot Uhh, don't you knock?
Lapis Weirdo.
Connie Lapis? Peridot? What are you doing here?
Peridot Just showing off my old room to- Oh wait, actually that's none of your business!
Lapis Who is this? And what is she doing in Steven's house?
Peridot That's Steven's third best friend, after me and you.
Connie Umm... Lapis. You don't remember me?
Lapis *tilts her head* Umm...
Connie You almost drowned me when you tried to steal the world's water?
Lapis I almost drowned a lot of people.
Connie I'm Connie.
Peridot (Runs over) I'm Peridot! And this is our Pumpkin!
(Pumpkin pops out from a laundry basket nearby and barks at Connie.)
Connie Oh. Hello!
(Pumpkin barks excitedly at Connie.)
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Connie carries Pumpkin in her hands and sits on the living room couch with Lapis and Peridot.
Connie So, Steven told me you guys retired to the country. What brings you here?
Peridot Garnet trusted us with a mission!
Connie Oh, Steven gave me one too. I just hope I don't let him down.
Peridot You probably will. That's why they put us in charge of protecting Beach City.
Connie But, Steven asked me to do that.
Lapis You really think we need your help?
Peridot Wait a minute. Maybe we do need your help. The Crystal Gems have been protecting this world with a specialized team! Three Gems, each with their own role. And a human! Well, Steven's only half human, but hmm, close enough.
Lapis Mmm... Meaning?
Peridot To do the job of the Crystal Gems, we need to do the jobs of the Crystal Gems. We four...
Connie Four?
Peridot I'm counting Pumpkin. (Pumpkin barks in response.) We each need to pick someone from the original team and perform their role in the group! We can be exactly like them. But better!
Connie That... sort of makes sense!
Peridot I call Garnet! I'm obviously best suited to being the boss.
Lapis You are very bossy.
Peridot Thank you.
Connie Then I'll do what Steven does.
Peridot Lapis, you can be Amethyst.
Lapis *deaadpan* Which one is she? ...I'm joking.
Peridot Great! You are already in character.
Connie What about your pumpkin?
Peridot Whatever. She can be Pearl. (Pumpkin barks.) New Crystal Gems! *strikes a cool pose* Congregate! ...That means, come over here and do a cool pose.
(Connie and Lapis reluctantly strike a pose, while Pumpkin poses excited near Peridot.)
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Connie, wearing Steven's shirt, begins surveying Beach City with a pair of binoculars on the porch.)
Connie Hm. Let's see... Nothing there.
(Connie spots Mr. Smiley outside of the Funland Arcade, Sadie and Lars loafing on a bench, and Ronaldo, noticing Connie with his own binoculars.)
Connie Judging from what Steven tells me... Everything's normal.
(Peridot, wearing sunglasses, silently gives Connie a thumbs-up.)
Peridot There! Am I doing it? Am I as aloof and distant as the Garnet?
Lapis You were. *imitating Amethyst* until you started to ask so many questions. *snorts and chuckles*
(Pumpkin, wearing a party hat to imitate Pearl's nose, runs in and barks excitedly. Just then, a loud car horn is heard, along with someone crying "Help!".)
Connie That sounds like it's coming from the car wash.
Peridot Go! New Crystal Gems!
(Peridot, Lapis, Pumpkin and Connie begin running towards the car wash. Connie eventually picks up speed, running in the front of the group and jumping in joy.)
[Trans. Ext. It's a Wash]
(Peridot, Lapis, Pumpkin and Connie arrive at the car wash and strike a pose.)
Peridot What seems the trouble here, Beach City citizen?
Buck It's... my dad. Some jerks have been messing with his head.
(Buck looks up at his father's van, at the vandalized head of Mayor Dewey.)
Buck It was funny, till he made me bring it here. Can you guys wash it off?
Connie Oh right! If's Mister Universe and Steven are in outer space, then... We should run the car wash.
Peridot Ahem.
Connie Ehh... "water" we waiting for?
Peridot Haha, good one Steven.
Lapis Whatever you say, dudes. Buuurp!
(Pumpkin barks ecstatically.)
Peridot Well said, Pearl.
(Peridot begins lifting Mayor Dewey's van into the air with her metal abilities, grunting as she struggles. Lapis covers it with water with the hoses nearby, washing the van in a vortex. Once Peridot drops the van back in the ground, Connie and Pumpkin dry the van with a large piece of fabric.)
Connie Here's your vehicle. Washed and buffed. Courtesy of the New Crystal Gems.
Buck That was cool. *hands Connie a handful of dollar bills*
Connie Thanks!
(Buck gets in the newly-washed van and drives off, as the New Crystal Gems watch him go in satisfaction.)
Connie (Narrating) After such a rocky start, it finally seemed like the New Crystal Gems were coming together. Or were we?
[Trans. Int. Beach House; The Next Day]
(Connie is fast asleep in Steven's bed, when several loud car honks wake her up.)
[Trans. Ext. It's a Wash]
(The New Crystal Gems make their way to the car wash and find several vehicles waiting outside.)
Connie Whoa. Looks like word got around.
Buck Encore! Encore!
Peridot I know what everyone is really here to see. Beach City citizens, witness the Garnet!
(Peridot grunts and proceeds to lift the Jenny's Car off the ground, and everyone applauds. Lapis then encases the car in a bubble of water, as everyone watches in awe.)
Peridot Amethyst, your performance is lacking. Mess around, crack some jokes.
Lapis Oh, was that was I was supposed to be doing?
(Lapis splits the bubble of water into several smaller bubbles, which spray at everyone's faces.)
Connie Lapis, uhh... The Steven doesn't think that's funny! *gets sprayed by a water bubble*
Lapis Heh.
Peridot I can't believe this. The only one taking anything seriously around here is Pumpkin.
(Pumpkin is seen eating soapy water.)
Peridot That's right. Pearl does like soap.
Buck Uh hey. You gonna... bring our car down?
Peridot Do not interrupt the Garnet! *drops Jenny's car back down* Everyone will have a turn!
(Peridot proceeds to lift Yellowtail's car, with him still inside. Yellowtail murmurs and waves at Yellowtail in panic.)
Peridot Oops.
Connie Peridot! Put that guy down!
Peridot No one, bosses the Garnet!
Connie Well Garnet wouldn't yell at people.
Lapis I agree. Maybe you should let someone else play, *imitating Garnet* the Garnet.
Peridot Uhh...
(Lapis begins summoning a giant water hand from the sea and grabs Yellowtail's car. Everyone run away in fright, and Yellowtail continues to panic.)
Peridot Nooooo! Amethyst! I have the glasses!
Lapis (imitating Garnet) There is no Amethyst, only Garnet.
Connie What are you guys doing?
(Peridot and Lapis struggles for the control of Yellowtail's car, causing Yellowtail to fall off and into Jenny's car. They continue to fight, and accidentally crashes Yellowtail's car into the It's a Wash signboard. Peridot and Lapis then looks away uncomfortably.)
Connie Oh no. I gotta Steven this somehow. Look at us! We are all fighting with each other. Uh, but, we all... love each other. And you all love me. So, we have to do this together, for love.
Lapis *in normal voice* Steven would have had a better speech.
Peridot I know. She didn't even cry.
(Connie sighs in disappointment.)
[Trans. Int. Beach House; The Next Day]
Connie (Narrating) The wash was... a wash. And so were the New Crystal Gems.
Peridot I've done a lot of thinking about what's been going wrong with this team up, and I think it's obvious now that the problem is all of you! Connie, you completely lack Steven's sentimentality. He would have a much more inspiring speech yesterday. Lapis, your lack of humor has been hurting our morale. Maybe you should switch with Pumpkin.
Lapis Let's make Pumpkin the Garnet. You should be the Pearl.
Peridot I'm nothing like Pearl! She is so uptight and sensitive! How dare you- I'm leaving!
Lapis That's so funny. You should be Amethyst.
(Connie and Pumpkin watch in uneasy, as Peridot and Lapis argue with each other.)
Peridot That's so dumb, you should be a clod.
Lapis Oh, so now I'm a clod? I think you're the clod.
Peridot Wow, your Peridot impression is lousy too!
Connie Will you two... CAN IT?!?!
Lapis That's not a very Steven thing to say.
Connie I don't care! So I'm not Steven. Maybe he's really great at helping people work out these arguments, maybe he's really patient and caring, even though it must be hard for him having to be the adult for a bunch of super-powered children!
Lapis We're both thousands of years older than you.
Connie Then act like it! Be the Gems you've been for thousands of years instead of playing this silly game. It's impossible trying to solve problems if we're just trying to copy other people. What's the point of this? We'll never be the Crystal Gems. We're just... the Crystal... Temps. But we have our own way of doing things. So, let's go back to that, to fix this mess we made.
Lapis You do make a good Steven.
Connie Watch it.
Peridot Well, if there's one thing Peridots are good at, it's fixing things.
Lapis I guess I could help wash away the rubble.
Connie And I'll help us organize. So, here's how I think we should start...
[Trans. Ext. It's a Wash]
(The flashback ends, as Connie, in the present, brings Steven, Greg and the Crystal Gems to the car wash.)
Steven You sure you wrecked anything? The car wash looks good as new.
Connie Well... Except, we couldn't repair the sign.
Greg Well, about time I got a new one. Guess I'll give my neon guy a call.
Connie Well, don't get out your check book yet. Bring it on out!
(Peridot and Lapis emerges from behind the car wash, carrying and revealing a bigger, yet crudely made signboard, featuring Greg as its face.)
Peridot Introducing, a new sign! For your business. We made it ourselves. Look at it, it's great!
Greg I think I love it!
Connie Really?
Greg That old sign was okay, but this one's got personality.
Connie Well it wasn't much of a mission but I guess we handled that alright.
Steven I knew you would.
Peridot Does that mean we can do a victory pose?
Lapis Okay.
Connie, Lapis & Peridot (with Pumpkin) Go... Crystal Temps! *strike cool poses*

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