Tuesday, 15 November 2011

The Theory and Practice of Balconies

If you are going to live in a flat, I think it is a good idea to try to live in one that has a balcony. That way, you can get fresh air without having to hurtle downstairs and out onto the street, where you might have to rub shoulders with the riff-raff that mills about on the pavements of so many cities these days.

However, having recommended the possession of a balcony, I should point out that not just any balcony will do. You have to choose one that will suit your personality. For instance, if you want to appear before massed crowds in order to hold forth to them about your vision of the world, you will probably need balconies like these ones:

If, on the other hand, you fancy yourself as a waif-like Juliet and want a balcony for standing about and yearning, one of these is going to be the kind of thing you'll need:

If you are a smoker and live with someone who sends you outside in all weathers to indulge your pleasure, you should choose a flat with an enclosed balcony, like these ones:

However attractive the individuals supporting your balcony may be:

however pretty the balcony itself:

you should avoid balconies on the first floor, because they are too easy to climb up onto (unless you enjoy light-fingered, passing friendships).

It's also wise to give the flick to anything that looks as if its supports are slightly dodgy. If you have any even faint fear the thing might fall off the side of the building, don't go near it:

Ideally, your building should not be dotted with other people's balconies:

There's something very satisfactory about being the only person in possession of such a thing:

Personally, I should also avoid novelty drainage arrangements, where water pours out of the mouth of gargoyles, or any other parts of their anatomy:

and I'm not that keen on balconies that look like dodgem cars or fairground ferris wheel tubs emerging through the brick work

But, then again, they may be the answer to a dream for really keen fairground enthusiasts. That's the beauty of balconies - there are enough varieties to suit almost every temperament under the sun.


  1. Excellent idea, Smiler - if only the kinds of places with really good verandahs hadn't started bossily allotting visiting hours like sittings at the kinds of restaurants adored by a celebrity-fawning relative of yours.

  2. I'll take the one third from the top thanks

  3. Tsk tsk, you're ignoring my advice re first floor security, Nurse - but I have to admit, it is pretty (an American couple live there, according to my friend who has a place round the corner)

  4. Great post ZMKC and I would like to see a follow up one on verandahs. I wasn't quite aware how specially down-under they were until my California friend visited last year and the first thing she commented on was doing some Google Street View investigations when she was planning her trip and noticing all the verandahs. I had to look around me to see whether that was right as I hadn't really thought they were that typical...

    BTW I do love, as impractical as they are, the Juliet balconies. My daughter in Curtin would love a balcony - even an impractical one. Balconies do make a flat a home. Without a balcony they are just a box.

  5. I'll start with that lovely deep verandah at Lanyon, Whispering.