Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Nuzzle Puzzle: The Joy of the Boy...

Hi Max!

We've received many, many gifts, well-wishes, and cards before and upon your arrival. We are a blessed family with a strong support group and a surrounding of love, hope, and optimism. I want to share a card we received today.

This card comes from Sharon Bower. She has worked with our team for many years as a title representative. Truly a part of our work family. Here is what her card said (and by the way, the picture of the baby boy on it looks EXACTLY like Max):

"One of the sweetest things about
welcoming a new baby boy
is learning how you fit together...

The way his sleepy weight
fills your arms so perfectly
and how that place
where neck and shoulder meet
suddenly seems made
for him to snuggle his head into.

But even more than that,
it's discovering just how beautifully
he fits into your life -
how there was always a place
right in the heart of your family
just waiting for this precious boy
to come and fill it with so much love."

This Hallmark card hit a note with me. I named it The Nuzzle Puzzle: The Joy of the Boy. Isn't it amazing at how his little body fits in the crook of an arm or on one's chest? Like two puzzle pieces melding together in a nuzzle. The joy is indescribable.

Max, you certainly fill a gap in your parents' life that we didn't even know we had.

Now if you could just sleep through the night. :0)

To Your Success,

Sunday, October 26, 2008

It's a Maher-icle!

Hi Max!

I don't throw around the word "miracle" lightly or often. I am more of a believer in "everything happens for a reason." Yesterday, I witnessed a miracle. Not just a miracle but a series of miracles. The first miracle was the miracle of birth. What an amazing experience! As a writer and a wordsmith, I would love to wax poetic about what happened, but words can't express it and would never do the emotions and feelings justice. If you are a parent who was there for the birth, you know what I am saying. If you have never been a parent, I'm sorry, I can't explain it. People say that all the time, but it's true. This overwhelming feeling of joy, wonderment, love, and compassion envelopes you in a glow that could only be described as "awesome" if that word hadn't been obliterated through overuse. The original meaning of the word was made for moments like childbirth and moments like a few moments ago.

A few minutes ago, you were lying on my chest resting comfortably. Your eyes were staring up at me between blinks. Your angelic, round face was a picture of perfection and peace. I'd never felt such love as what I feel for you. Looking down at you, you staring back up, there is an intensity, a responsibility that is bigger than anything I've experienced. Yes, we're going to have our trying moments. You'll cry. I'll get frustrated. You'll be imperfect. I'll be more imperfect. But, here's the miracle: we're in this for the long haul, thick and thin, good and bad, sickness and health, life and death. Marriage used to be an institution lasting forever. The word "marriage" used to mean "forever". Marriage has been watered down by those who look at it as a weapon of manipulation, a ploy for publicity, or a financial windfall. But parenting IS forever.

You are a miracle, Max. God's greatest miracle. God's greatest masterpiece. You are a special boy and mean the world to me.

To Your Success,

Max' Papa (Michael)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

First of a Lifetime of Photos for Max Maher

Michael Maxwell Maher, Born 4:21 p.m. CDT, Saturday, Oct. 25, 2008

Little Maher became a reality today.

Michael Maxwell Maher
Born at 4:21 p.m. on Saturday, October 25, 2008.
Weight: 6 pounds, 6 ounces.
Length: 19 inches.

Pictures forthcoming.

What a gloriously, incredibly fantastic day!

What an incredibly, fantasticly glorious day!

What a fantasticly, gloriously, incredible day!

There is a God and now I have proof. :)

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)


12:12 a.m. Saturday, 10-25-08 Sheri's water broke.

Hi Bay-Bee!

This morning I'll get to say hello to you in person for the first time ever. Wow.

More to come later.

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Confessions of a Dadman!

Hi Bay-Bee!

Pretty exciting 24 hours: Had a flashback, had Daddy's Toolbox for Baby Class last night, nearly wrapped the Boxster around a concrete column, started a new car search, and found out one of the family is normal... that would be YOU.

I had a flashback to the old teaching days last night. I remember coaching and doing substitute teaching while I was getting my BSE-Mathematics degree. I went with my instincts and the kids learned and I spoke with passion and conviction. Then I started my education classes. Every teacher had an opinion and every advisor was looking for different characteristics or traits from you. Many of those opinions were philosophically opposed!

Don't use the word "mankind". It's sexist.

I remember getting graded down by a feminist teacher who berated me for my use of "mankind" in my paper. She saw it as sexist. I told her "mankind" was short for "humankind" and not a derogatory remark to women. She disagreed and gave me the B. I was so mad I went out and drank a beer. Okay, if I got an A I probably would have been so happy, I would have celebrated by drinking a beer. But hey, I'm only one man among mankind and this was college. :)

It's not about techniques or tactics. It's about caring and learning.

Then, I started student teaching. Instead of relying on my instincts and teaching so that the kids were learning, I was trying to implement Primack's Principle, using proximity for discipline, and making sure my lesson plans were outlined and structured. What a joke! I wasn't teaching and the kids sure weren't learning. It was all about technique and tactics versus instincts and LEARNING! It's pretty amazing that I knew less about learning and teaching AFTER taking education classes. Thank goodness for Pat Sullivan at DeSoto High School. He advised me to quit listening to the advisors, to quit thinking about techniques, and to quit trying to manipulate the students and focus on one thing - the student's learning. Great advice as I went on to be the USD 204 District Teacher of the Year in my first year (nominated by Trish Naylor) and nominated for Sallie Mae National Teacher of the Year (Honorable Mention).

Dad's Toolbox for Baby Class

Which gets me to my point and my Dad's Toolbox for Baby class I was in last night. At first, I was like most of the fathers or soon-to-be fathers in the room. Scared witless. If I took everything the instructor stated to heart, I wouldn't ever touch a baby, feed the baby, or let the baby sleep! I harkened back to my teaching days and re-assured myself that I need to trust my instincts and not take it too seriously (after all, my parents didn't have any of these classes and I turned out okay, turned out okay, turned out okay. :)

It was interesting sitting in class looking at all the 20-somethings with their wide-open eyes and baggy pants. Okay, I don't have a clue, but come on, I felt like I had a little more clue than they did. Overall, the class was good though. I had another chance to change a diaper (getting through the three layers of defense including the onesie which is the coolest word ever). I learned how to pick up the baby, the three ways to burp a baby, and how to spank a baby so that they never do anything wrong again ever. Okay, maybe not the last one. :)

I did learn that there are speech-therapist approved binkies. We got a couple. Yes, we are first time parents aka suckers. :)


Are you ready for the kicker? At first, we introduced ourselves, our due date, and the sex of the baby. There were three out of 15 that had Nov. 12 as a due date. The only repeated date. It was pretty cool. Then we had our first break. One of the ladies who had the same date as us came out of the rest room in a panic. Her water broke. She was going to have a baby! Sheri and I looked at each other and I think reality set in... Holy Cow, this could be happening any minute!


On another note, I am wearing my seat belt daily. That came in very handy today. I drive a little Porsche Boxster. I'm a Porsche fanatic. Do the research on the company and the hand-built cars and you'll be a fan also. They pour passion into every car. Some day I'll go to Germany to pick up a car right out of the plant. The only problem with my car is that it doesn't like snow and it doesn't like heavy rains. It rained heavily today. Torrential rains pounded Kansas City all day today. I was driving to the gym at a little after 5 p.m. I was heading south from Shawnee Mission Parkway on 435.

Sit and Spin

Just south of Midland, I hydroplaned from the slow lane (I had felt a little slippage before so slowed down into that lane). I hydroplaned from the slow land to the fast lane (across four lanes of highway) in about half a second. As I was sliding, I was also spinning. As I spun around I looked through my back window to try to guide myself. The first thing I saw was the three concrete columns that hold the bridge for Renner Rd. I thought, I could hit that and this is going to hurt. A flash went through my mind that I could die right here and now. As I slid from the fast lane across the shoulder toward the columns a minor miracle occurred. As soon as my right rear (remember I'm sliding backwards) tire hit the grass my car spun to the left and careened into the grass median. I spun at least 6 times throwing mud and water all over the place. In what seemed like an eternity, but was only a few seconds, my car stopped spinning. I was halfway across the grass median facing south. I gathered myself. Started the car. It had stalled while spinning. I drove slowly, very slowly so I wouldn't get stuck. I crawled back onto the shoulder only to see about 20 cars parked along the side of the road, getting ready to assist me! The Channel 4 (Fox4) helicopter was doing traffic and I'm hoping they got coverage (we'll know tonight). How I didn't hit a car, anything metal, anything concrete, or do any damage to my car at all I'll never know. Just lucky I guess.

We're looking at new cars.

Something I noticed after I had quit spinning was that somehow I had dialed Sheri on my phone. I have speed dial so I may have hit that by accident. But it finished dialing so I left a message for her. Something like - "I'm alive. Everything is good. Look for me on the news tonight. I'm okay. By the way, let's look at cars (like an SUV or something like that) because my car doesn't handle so well in heavy rains and snow." So now we're looking for new cars. Maybe an Edge, maybe a Cayenne, maybe a Hybrid, maybe nothing... I'll keep you updated. :)

Average is Acceptable... For Now

Bay-Bee you came out at the sonogram at 6 pounds 8 ounces today and you are right on for November 12. You are the perfect baby. Average weight, heart beat, timing, and position in the belly. Sheri is a great baby-maker. :)

More later... Thank you for reading.

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

28 days... 4 weeks... whoa... A Frasier episode just for me...

{Warning! This is a long post.}

Hi Bay-Bee!

You are a kicker and a roller! Watching mommie's belly move and bump out and in is exciting. Can you believe we have less than four weeks... 28 days (and counting)? Whoa!

I have to share this with you. I happened to stay up and watch the 11 o'clock version of Frasier. It was hilarious. The three of them (Frasier, Niles, and Dad) delivered a baby in a cab. You can imagine how funny that scene was with the three guys in a cab.

After the delivery, Dad expresses his amazement of the seeing the first moments of a person's life. "One moment it's a blob in the mother's belly and the next moment it's a person. One moment, blob. The next moment, person. Blob... person." :) How poetic! :)

After seeing the delivery of the cab driver's baby, Niles is reflective. He wonders, "Will I ever be a father? After watching this child's birth, it's something I really want... I think." :)

Frasier says that his parental feelings are normal and that it is natural for Niles to feel this as he is of fatherhood age. Frasier mentions that teenagers in school learn about childbaring and childraising by carrying around a 10-pound bag of flour. They learn the responsibility of holding it and keeping it in sight. Niles takes the idea and runs with it. Niles is going to carry a ten pound bag of flour. They go to the kitchen, Niles grabs the first white bag, "Extra refined... taking after his old man already!" Frasier replies, "That's the sugar. The flour is over here. Bleached. 100% Fat-Free, Best kept in an air-tight container. Sounds like Maris (Maris is Niles' very mean wife)." :)

With Niles carrying his bag of flour, Frasier and Niles meet at different places and have some funny episodes. Niles expresses his trials and tribulations with the bag. One story he relates is a dream. Niles has a dream that his baby (the 10-pound bag of flour) is abducted and he is sent muffins by the abductors. :)

After a week, Niles has accidentally stabbed, dropped, burnt, and drowned the bag of flour in some hilarious circumstances. Then Eddie, the Jack Russell dog, totally digs into the now motley looking bag of flour destroying it. Niles is crestfallen.

Dad consoles him with the speech of "Just Trust Yourself."

It was like this episode was written for me. It was hilarious, but also brought up some serious points about fatherhood and the mentality of fatherhood.

I wouldn't even hold Patrick (nephew - read other posts about him) when he was a baby. I was afraid I'd drop him or he'd cry. I wasn't comfortable at all. This probably comes as a surprise to most people as I fear very little and always appear very cool, calm, and collected. Babies, in general, have never been a problem. With Patrick, it was a little different. I really cared about Patrick.

I was afraid to hold him for fear of becoming too attached. I am one that either does something 0% or 110%. There is no half-way, winging it, or part-time with me. Patrick, being Sheri's sister's baby, put me in a quandry. How do I become attached to something that I was going to only have a part-time relationship with? My relationship with Patrick was weird for many years as I struggled with his being spoiled by five different sets of parents (his mother, Sheri and me, Jolene and Daryn, Hank and RoseMary (Sheri's parents), and Ray and Mary (Sheri's grandparents). He literally had five sets of parents. Can you imagine his Christmas?! Oh yeah, he was spoiled times five. I became the disciplinarian. Where everyone else was saying yes to a lot of his demands, whims, and tantrums, I was overly restrictive, limiting, and stringent. I'm not sure Patrick had a lot of fun with me.

That all changed on December 18, 2007. The day I died.

Not everybody knows, but due to complications from blood clots (after a pretty routine knee surgery), I flat-lined for around a minute before being resuscitated and had a temporary pacemaker installed. It was a scary moment as you can imagine. I won't go into all the details now, but I remember thinking about my dad (who died at the age of 54), about other people who had passed away way too young, and I thought about being a father. I thought about all the things I haven't achieved yet and knew it wasn't my time. I didn't even have children! For the first time in my life, I wanted kids. I was always pretty laissez faire about kids before. If it happened, it happened. But that wintry December day changed all that, I wanted a baby. A couple of months, a cruise to the Bahamas, and a dream vacation later and voila! We were having Bay-Bee! :) Our little souvenier.

I think about things a lot. You might say, "Duh!" :0). I am like Niles in that I worry about readiness and the damage I could cause. But Dad's words of wisdom echo in my mind, "Just Trust Yourself." I have to continue to say that to myself. Trust my judgment. Trust my instincts. I don' t have any experience in raising children, so that is all I have to fall back in... With all my book knowledge and street knowledge, none of it is child-raising knowledge. I need to just trust myself.

On another note, my relationship with Patrick is incredibly better. He is growing up to be such a great kid. I write him a handwritten note every week wishing him luck with his football games. He is doing so much better in school.

I have feelings like pride, sympathy, and love with him. I'm proud of how he has stuck it out in football even with being one of the smallest players. I sympathize with him when he gets run over on the field or I watch him standing on the sidelines instead of playing. I love him when he laughs when it is over or comes out of it with such a great attitude. He cracks me up and makes me smile just writing about him. I know we're having a lot more fun now.

He's such a good kid. He's had more love than probably any kid in America. Now he is starting to learn about respect, appreciation, and sharing. Those were three traits I worried about as he got a lot of love and a lot of things as he was growing up.

Before, we had a strained relationship but ever since December, we've been like buddies and I don't know what clicked, but something clicked in my head... and I learned something. I don't even know what it was, but there is a tolerance and a patience about me that wasn't there before.

Subconsciously and without any preparation, I am changing. Things that really mattered. I mean REALLY MATTERED to me are not as important. Fantasy Football, competition in softball and basketball, a lot of these hobbies and extra activities don't hold my interest or intensity any more. Something is preparing me for fatherhood. It's like I have already removed my focus from those items and re-focused on Bay-Bee, even if he isn't here yet. It's been very interesting to reflect on this.

Thank you for reading my musings. I wish my father had a blog so I could read his memoirs about me.

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Sheri's Shower Pictures...

You ask, ye shall receive. Here are pictures from Sheri's shower:

That is Denise Upah Mills to the left as well.

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

What REALLY matters...

Amid the financial turmoil and the news that the world’s markets are struggling, it’s time to focus on what really matters. To see what really matters, we need to evaluate what doesn’t matter.

The things that don’t matter are the things you can’t control. You can’t control what stocks do on Wall Street. You can’t control what happens with the weather, the price of gas, or the price of a lot of things you want to buy. You can control what you buy and more importantly, you can control your mindset.

First, appreciate what you do have. If you are healthy, count your blessings. If you have a job, be appreciative. If you are debt-free, count your blessings. If you have a loving relationship with a spouse, a child, a parent, or a friend, then be appreciative. Start your day with an attitude of gratitude and everything falls into perspective. What we do have is typically much more than we ever need. Start with an attitude of gratitude.

Secondly, live with a mindset of optimism. You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to those things. Stephen Covey in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, describes a monumental moment for him. He was reading about the difference between humans and animals. With animals, when they receive stimulus, they respond instinctively. With humans, we have the ability to CHOOSE. Between stimulus (what happens to us) and response (how we react)there is a gap of time. That gap of time is our ability to choose. We have response-ability, as Covey says. This is such an important distinction. You see, only YOU can make YOU miserable. Only YOU can make YOU happy. On a daily basis I choose happy. You too can choose happy. You don’t need a man or a woman or a child or a different boss or a different market or any of that to be happy. You can choose happy from the outset. When you choose happy, you start to see smiles everywhere you look. You attract more of what makes you happy, and the cycle continues. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. Sheri and I refuse to watch the news to avoid the negativity. You should especially miss the 10 o’clock news. Watching negativity before you sleep has been found to cause health issues!

Here are some suggested activities on your path to a happier, healthier life:
1) Count your blessings in the morning. Start your day with an attitude of gratitude.

2) Take the first 30 minutes of your day to fill your mind with something positive. Bible reading, non-fiction reading, inspirational music, meditation, etc.

3) Start your healthy day on track with two large glasses of water before you eat. Your body dehydrates overnight and you can get your body back on track with two large glasses of water. Water has also been found to stimulate your brain cells.

4) Smile. The very act of smiling helps your immune system and lights up the room. It’s hard to have a negative demeanor with a smile on your face. Smile.

5) Look to the positive of every event that happens to you. I remember when I was sabotaged by a co-worker during the interview process for a job I really wanted. At the time, I was devastated. I had worked for a solid week on the application, resume, and even proposed an entirely different way to look at things in this profession. But not getting that job took me on the path to real estate and I am very grateful it did. Everything happens for a reason.

6) Talk to somebody about your day. Make that somebody a positive inspiration to you. Research shows that birds of a feather flock together. You can become more positive by hanging out with positive people. The very act of communicating your days’ events helps you realize the impact you are having on the world. You may be just one person in the world, but you can also be the world to one person.

7) Close your day with something positive.. Giving yourself some brain food (reading, inspirational music, meditation, etc.) before bed and you’ll wake up more refreshed!

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Max makes out like a bandit...

Hi Bay-Bee!

Well Max, you made out like a bandit this weekend! Sheri (your momma) had her Baby Shower on Saturday. You now have enough clothes to get you to kindergarten! We are going to have to add on to your already walk-in closet.

A big thank you to Jolene Soetaert (your aunt) who coordinated and orchestrated the entire event. She also made a cake while Lisa Soetaert (another aunt of yours and Patrick's mother) made some cupcakes. The cake was a football and the cupcakes were baseballs. Too cool. By the way, you better like sports because there is definitely a theme with ALL of your decor, clothes, and bed. :)

Big thank yous to your great Aunt's Joyce, Annie, and Margie as they got you some terrific gifts. Joyce's KU bag with a one-of-a-kind monogrammed (MAX) KU Christmas stocking was a hit of the Shower. Big thank you to your cousin Michelle (who is on #3 in 3 years :) and Aunt Annie's daughter. Big thank you to Sheri's cousin's (Tony) wife Megan who brought Orissa (her daughter who looks like a princess) and AJ along with some great gifts. Big thank you to my sister Susan and my brother's wife, Lisa. Great gifts gals! Also, giant thank yous to Angie Clauder, Arlene Ladegaard, Denise Mills, Ilsa Steward and Debbie dear friends of the family! Special thank yous to the grandmas - Mary Ann Maher and RoseMarie Soetaert who spoiled the unborn like only grandmas can! And what a treat it was to have great-grandma Mary there. Through the health issues, she perservered and made it over to our house! If I forgot any one I'm sorry but Sheri and I (and Bay-Bee) are deeply grateful for your presents and your presence and even more grateful for our relationship with you. Max is so very lucky to have you in his life and Sheri and I feel the exact same way. Thank you.

Bay-Bee say Thank YOU!

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)

The Mozzarella Stick and SLOW...

Hi Bay-Bee!

Is it possible to learn more from a 12-year old than you teach him?

Had another weekend with Patrick this week. He's such a good kid. Helpful, kind, and full of energy...

After football practice, we decided to go to Arby's. Arby's is one of the fast-food restaurants I've blessed for him and me. I order the Martha Vineyard Salad (great chicken salad) and he ordered his stand by - the Arby Roast Beef Sandwich and the Mozzarella Sticks with Marinara Sauce. We were in my car and I had just had it cleaned at Waterway. It was sparkling and it was a beautiful evening. I decided to drop the top on the car and park in the parking lot instead of taking him directly home. I figured we could chat a little. A funny thing happened though...

He protested. He said, "I'll wait until I get home to eat."

I said, "What? Why?"

"I don't know. I just don't want to eat in your car."

"Why? You can be careful can't you?"

"Well, I want to eat my mozzarella sticks first and I'm afraid I'll dip it in the sauce and drop it."

Me: "You're all right. Just be careful. Let's chat."

He replied hesitantly, "Okay."

We chatted for about five minutes about his practice, school, and his new baby sister, Rylee. He was making a point about playing with Rylee's feet to make her smile when a half of a mozzarella stick with marinara sauce comes out of his hand and in slow motion starts floating in the air at me. Halfway between Patrick and me, the mozzarella stick slowly, tantalizingly drops like a burning ember leaving an air stream of red. As Patrick and I both watch, the mushy burning cheesestick settles exactly between his seat and the console. We look at where the cheese stick disappeared, then we look at each other.

My first inclination was to say something. Loudly. Something like, "Why can't you be careful?!" or "We just talked about that!" or "Come on!" or even "Get out!" But instead I remembered something I just read in the Baby Whisperer. It's called SLOW.

What's UP (or what needs to be done or what is the reality of what happened).

So I stopped before I said something.

I listened. It was pretty quiet except for Patrick's quick breathing.

I observed. He was sorry and it showed. Plus, he had warned me. What could I say?

The reality is that it wasn't that big of a deal. It would clean. I stuck my hand down there to get it, but my hand was too big to fit. Patrick leaned back. I would never hit him but he knew I was upset. What's funny is that I wasn't really that upset. The SLOW system had checked my anger at the door.

I smiled and said, "Hey no problem. You warned me. Let's just be careful with the rest of the meal."

We ate for a while and chatted. What could have been a sour ending to a great evening was just a small interrupton.

He did wait to eat his Roast Beef sandwich until we got to his house though. :)

What's really funny is that when I got home that evening, I slid the seat forward and easily picked up the mozzarella stick. It didn't smear sauce or leave a mark at all. No big deal. I'm glad. I hadn't made it a big deal.

I recommend the next time we are in a situation not just with our children, but with our spouse, co-workers, parents, or clients that we implement the SLOW system. Stop before you say something spontaneous that you may regret. Listen to what is going on around you. Observe everybody in the room, the situation, and all that is going on in the scene. And finally decide what you are going to do next. Calm, cool, and collected you will most likely make the right decision saving everyone the embarassment, harsh feelings, or anger that may result from flippant remarks.

Patrick's a good kid who dropped a mozzarella stick. I'm glad I didn't drop the ball on a great night.

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)