Is 40 an acceptable age to get married

Age through two plus seven

Gossip is the opposite of liberal. He's like a snake hissing at celebrities. And where it misses compliance with a norm, it bites. When actors Sky du Mont and Mirja Becker got together, they rattled loudly: “29 years of age difference? This can not go well. What does he want to compensate? And does the woman have a father complex? "

Apparently concerned, the queue wound around the couple and lurked, but they didn't stop looking oh so happy. 16 years later, Becker is 40 and you Mont 69, the couple announced their separation. “I knew it”, triumphs the snake, “it's age's fault.” As if 16 years wasn't a long time for a relationship.

The greater the age difference between two partners, the greater the arousal. Especially when they are in public. No matter whether their names are Franz Müntefering and Michelle Schumann (40 years old difference), Maike Richter and Helmut Kohl (34 years) or Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn (34 years).

How much younger a relationship partner can be so that it is still socially accepted, there is a rule of thumb that has long been handed down: your own age divided by two plus seven. A study carried out in the Netherlands in 2000 found that this formula is still far too generous. In reality, both genders state that partners should be much closer to their own age than would be “allowed” according to the formula. Only when dreaming does the man at least admit a bigger age jump: The 60-year-olds said it was okay to dream of a 20-year-old, because in her head she does not seem to be whispering public opinion.

All of this may sound old-fashioned to an enlightened society. But statistics also say that most people who get married only differ from one another by an average of two to three years. Only around six percent of all couples have one who is more than ten years older. But does age even play a role in romantic love? And if so, why?

Martin is 36. He notices his age mainly on his head. There is less hair than there was ten years ago, and when he laughs, his face wrinkles. Martin's athletic stamina has decreased, and he himself has increased. Biologically speaking, his brain has become lighter, but his mental performance is now at its peak. He does not notice that his testosterone level is supposed to have fallen, he says. Because today he has many more opportunities with women than when he was 20.

His girlfriend is almost 16 years younger than him. At their age, around 20, women have reached their maximum height. Heart, kidneys, nose, eyes, all organs function optimally. Martin's girlfriend weighs half as much as he does.

Evolutionary psychology says that men find women of childbearing age particularly attractive, while women seek long-term coverage in older men.

Martin finds himself more self-confident today than he was when he was 20. He is now someone who can offer something. He earns enough money, has settled in well in life. His girlfriend is studying. He says it's not a cliché, it just happens that you pay your younger friend a lot, not because she relies on it, but out of self-interest. He doesn't want to live on a freshman's level. In an argument, the financial gap is sometimes an issue because it's a power gap. But none of this has anything to do with age, he says. Rather with the life situation. When he was 20, he was already working.

In a relationship, partners don't change, says psychological research. In a stable relationship you change your idea of ​​the ideal, adapt it to your partner.

During the semester break, Martin's girlfriend lives with him, watches series, surfs the Internet, and in the evening, when he comes home from work and wants to turn on the washing machine and television, she wants to do something. He says: "Why haven't you gone shopping before?" She says: "I'm not your housewife."

Martin tried it with women his age, but it never worked. He thinks that if women are single by the age of 35, there is a reason. They didn't want to admit it, but they couldn't adjust to anyone anymore. But he needs a woman who throws herself completely into his world.

He says that women friends of mine claim he has a “trauma”: Because he failed in love in his twenties, he is continuing right there today. His male friends don't say that. 36, that's a good, desirable age for a man, says Martin. From then on, they are considered attractive, reliable, and finally let off steam.

The gossip is similar. An older man, for example George Clooney, 55, is admired for his wife, Amal, who is 17 years his junior. If the woman is older than her partner, such as 43-year-old Heidi Klum and her 13-year-old boyfriend Vito Schnabel, she is viewed critically: “She can't hold him,” hisses the gossip and has been busy breaking up for two years . The partner who is older is perceived as stronger. That the woman is stronger than the man - that is a provocation. Still.

Even for a lot of women, says psychology. Although financially independent, most of them still want a man who is the same age or older than them, who is at least equal in terms of level of education and wealth, and who is better even superior.

Silvia is 29 when it starts with him. He's her colleague on a project and 57. In meetings, they often agree, and she notices him. Although she thinks she doesn't mean it, she suddenly hears herself talking about children a lot. He talks a lot. Knows a lot. Silvia says he's a lot more relaxed than her exes. He doesn't read work emails on vacation, and he doesn't pull up when they ride a bike.

She says she doesn't relate all of this to his age, she relates that to his personality. You don't mind much about him, maybe that he snores, very loudly. When the friends tell her, “he could be your father”, she says, “my father couldn't even be his friend”. Is it different in bed? pleas e ask your question. She says any comparison is nonsense.

She also had something with a younger man, years ago. He was 19, she was 25. She was uncomfortable. She felt old. She feels like an adventure with her older colleague. She wants to stay that way at first, doesn't want two colleagues who sleep with each other to become a relationship. But they see each other every day, they have the same job, they have enough to talk about. He is divorced and has a son.

Couples therapists say that's classic. Most intergenerational relationships arise after a divorce. With the new beginning after the breakup, you want to rejuvenate yourself, try everything again. The second chance in the second half of life. Every 20th newborn in Germany has a father over 50.