This article originally appeared on Just Add Water Group and has been republished here with permission. By Jenny Ng.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "Oh, it must be so hard. You're super mum", I'd have a new house by now. I'm well aware this is said to me with the best intentions. However, dealing with my kids is the not as difficult as the rest of what comes with this lifestyle.

FIFO: Fly-in fly-out

Having a husband who works FIFO (fly-in fly-out) is physically draining. As I'm alone with our three kids for three weeks at a time. Managing their lives, waking up to the baby, balancing our household, commitments and barely remembering to eat or go to the toilet (mostly with an audience).

The physical stuff I can handle, my house is run like a well oiled machine these days. But its the emotional stuff that really messes with me. When the craziness of the day is done, the kids are asleep (FINALLY), the house is cleaned and dishwasher loaded. I sit down in my quiet house switch on the tv and get absorbed by my own loneliness. THAT'S the hard part, not having your better half next to you to share your days events with, having a laugh or just simply silently enjoying each others company. I don't want to heave at the smell of our dog's farts alone!

The telephone is my double edged sword, I rely on it to communicate with my husband multiple times a day, I rely on it for my work and the multiple FaceTime calls between us so the kids don't forget his face. I take a million photos a day and multiple videos to send so my hubby feels a part of their childhood. This FIFO crap isn't just hard on me (which brings out mummy guilt of course), its hard on him. He constantly feels like he's missing out on their milestones, its hard on the kids because they simply love their dad and want him a part of their daily routine and its hard on our friendships because the week he is home we have to schedule catch-ups with our nearest and dearest as well as spending quality time as a family.

But as I mentioned previously, I can handle all that. This is a selfish post. My loneliness.

People believe that after almost four years of doing this I should be used to it. But in fact every time he boards that plane to go to work it gets harder and harder.

I have many beautiful people in my life, I have an incredible family and support network (that includes amazing friends and neighbours). I am so grateful! But the reality is everyone has their own struggles and their own lives. I can't rely on people to hang out with me constantly nor can anyone replace my husbands presence.

I will however give some suggestions to those who are in the FIFO lifestyle, know someone who has a loved one or spouse working FIFO:

1. There's nothing worse then people saying "if you need anything just let me know"

MOST of those people don't actually care. They are just saying it to fill the conversation because there's nothing else to say. I'm not saying ALL people do that, but in my experience it's those that don't say anything, just show up, call, or actually have a presence in your life, are those that are worth your time and worry. If you are that person, just don't say it! Call your friend, or bring over wine and hang out but don't say empty meaningless words followed by meaningless promises.

2. Get a hobby!

Yes, cliché as hell. But as soon as I got busy with my writing, photography and exercising I started to feel a helluva better about myself. My headspace started to loosen up.

3. Wine and tele: Sometimes they save you

When you have a rubbish day, deal with the day, get those kids to bed and have a big glass of wine and watch the most entertaining, bubblegum reality show that's available on your TV or streaming service. I can't tell you how many times a good pinot noir and The Real Housewives got me through a really hellish day, where I was on the edge of losing my mind or quite possibly running away (and no, I wasn't going to run away and leave my kids behind. I'm just being dramatic. Flicks hair, etc.).

4. Invite the FIFO mum, even if you know she can't come

If you know your friend can't leave the house because she can't leave her kids alone ( if she leaves her kids alone then deal with that don't continue reading this) and you are organising a dinner with the girls or even couples. Don't assume, INVITE HER even if you know she can't make it. Trust me, there's nothing worse when everyone around you assumes and you start to feel forgotten. That feeling is the pits. For those who are feeling that way, let your friends know -most likely they have no idea or they are simply morons.


That's one of my most hated things to listen to. It doesn't serve any purpose or make anyone feel better. It's just irritating as hell. In fact, if you have a friend who keeps reciting cliché phrases, lose them - and quick!

6. Be kind.

Call her. Ask about that boring, mundane crap that everyone does every day. It really doesn't matter. What does matter is that you just made her day.

All I can say is, my hat goes off to FIFO women and Army Deployment wives who see no end to this lifestyle. Stick together as much as possible. Get support where you can find it and stay strong! Because this does NOT get easier, no matter what everyone else on the outside assumes.

Jenny Ng is mum to three kids and passionate about writing and photography.  She is the founder of the blog, Just Add Water Group.