Christian 'Insurance' Company Will Not Cover Your 'Un-Biblical Lifestyles,' Like Having Boobs


Are you one of those idiots who wants to opt-out of health insurance because that will really show mean ol' Obama he can't stop you from freedom drowning in a freedom sea of freedom medical debt because freedom? (Put your hand down,Rep. Louie Gohmert, we already know you are A Idiot.)

Well, here is an awesome health insurance plan -- that is NOT a health insurance plan, says the president of the health insurance plan -- for just those kinds of idiots:

"It isn't insurance; it's a nationwide network of Christians who save money by sharing each other's medical bills. We get to pick our own doctors, and our share is almost 40 percent less than our old premium. ... Medi-Share is a health-sharing ministry, which makes it exempt from the health reform laws."

And just what kind of un-freedomy health reform laws does Medi-Share exempt itself from?

The coverage doesn't include products of "un-Biblical lifestyles," such as contraception or substance rehab, or some preventive medicine, including colonoscopies and annual mammograms. Those policies lead to lower costs for all members, Meggs said.

Well, sure, of course eliminating basic coverage of un-Biblical things like boobies and butts would lead to lower costs. It's brilliant, really. Only sinners who do not follow the Bible need mammograms anyway, right? If you're living the clean Biblical life, no worries! Plus, refusing to cover people with pre-existing conditions really cuts down on the cost.

Now that you are dying to know how you can get in on this sweet, sweet non-coverage coverage, it's super simple.

To join Medi-Share, members must pledge their Christian faith and promise not to drink, take drugs or have sex outside of a traditional marriage. A reference from a minister may also be requested. Certain pre-existing conditions render applicants ineligible, while chronic issues such as obesity sometimes lead to acceptance into the program contingent on undergoing wellness counseling.

Okay, then, we will just get a note from our minister (does our rabbi count? prolly not), promise to never do drinking or smoke drugs or have outside-of-hetero-marriage sexytime (anymore; this isn't retroactive, is it, because the uh oh), and voila! For practically dollars a day, we can opt out of that horrible un-Biblical Obamacare and opt-in to Jesuscare. And as long as we don't ever get sick, especially not in our C-cups or the butt, we will have the bestest, most Biblicalest non-insurance insurance there is. Take that, Obama.



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