Qur'an, Hadith and Scholars: Remarkable and Strange Islamic Traditions

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This page contains content of a humorous nature
Continue at your own peril

This page lists some of the more humorous texts that are found within Islamic scripture.

Muhammad humiliates Satan the genie by choking him with his bare hands


Water mixed with dead dogs and menstrual clothes still clean

Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: The people asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him): Can we perform ablution out of the well of Buda'ah, which is a well into which menstrual clothes, dead dogs and stinking things were thrown? He replied: Water is pure and is not defiled by anything.

Fever comes from the heat of Hell


Wicked wigs

Narrated Abdullah (bin Mus'ud):
Allah's Apostle has cursed the lady who uses false hair.

Divinely cooked and delivered pot of meat fixes Prophet's performance problems in bed

Ibn Sa'd's Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, Volume 8, Page 200

Comments: World renowned Chefs Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey have converted to Islam in hopes of Allah sending them the recipe.

One-shoe walks outlawed

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "None of you should walk, wearing one shoe only; he should either put on both shoes or put on no shoes whatsoever."

Sheep owners are humble while horse and camel owners are arrogant


Let's get to know each other first

"When the Prophet went to her he found her to be an old woman, so he divorced her."
al-Tabari vol.9 p.139

Say no to green jars and white jars

Narrated Ash-Shaibani: I heard 'Abdullah bin Abi Aufa saying, "The Prophet forbade the use of green jars." I said, "Shall we drink out of white jars?" He said, "No."

Straighten prayer rows to avoid plastic surgery

Narrated An-Nu'man bin 'Bashir:The Prophet said, "Straighten your rows or Allah will alter your faces."

A drink that gives you wings


Holy ride on smelly donkey causes massive shoe fight and obvious Qur'an revelation


Sinning with silverware

Narrated Um Salama: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Apostle said, "He who drinks in silver utensils is only filling his abdomen with Hell Fire."

Comment: If wearing gold or silver is acceptable in Islam, why should eating with silver or gold utensils be an issue?

Inanimate objects awaken from their slumber

A Stone which steals clothes

Abu Huraira reported that Moses was a modest person. He was never seen naked and Banu Isra'iI said: (He was afraid to expose his private part) because he had been suffering from scrotal hernia. He (one day) took bath in water and placed his garments upon a stone. The stone began to move on quickly. He followed that and struck it with the help of a stone (saying): O stone, my garment; O stone, my garments, O stone.....

A crying tree misses the Prophet's sermons


"La Ilaha Illa Allah," sadomasochistic food glorifies Allah while being eaten


Trees as informers

Narrated ‘Abdur-Rahman: "I asked Masruq, ‘Who informed the Prophet about the Jinns at the night when they heard the Qur'an?’ He said, ‘Your father ‘Abdullah informed me that a tree informed the Prophet about them.’"

A saluting stone or a delusional Prophet?


Wandering curses

Abu al-Darda reported the Messenger of Allah (May peace be upon him) as saying: "When a man curses anything, the curse goes up to heaven and the gates of heaven are locked against it. Then it comes down to the earth and its gates are locked against it. Then it goes right and left, and if it finds no place of entrance it returns to the thing which was cursed, and if it finds no place of entrance it returns to the thing which was cursed, and if it deserves what was said (it enters it), otherwise it returns to the one who uttered it." (Hasan)

Hellfire complains to Allah


Prophet shows how to profit

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: A man mentioned to the Prophet that he had always been cheated in bargains. The Prophet said, "Whenever you do bargain, say, 'No cheating.'"

Abdomen contradicts Allah


One sneeze, two sneeze, three sneeze, four

Malik related to me from Abdullah ibn Abi Bakr from his father that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If a man sneezes, invoke a blessing on him. Then if he sneezes, invoke a blessing on him. Then if he sneezes, invoke a blessing on him. Then if he sneezes, say, 'You have a cold'." Abdullah ibn Abi Bakr said, "I don't know whether it was after the third or fourth."

Allah likes sneezing but hates yawning


Allah, rain there, not here!

Summary: People's livestock were dying because of lack of water. On request, Muhammad prayed to Allah who instantly brought so much rain that that caused livestock to die due to excess of water. Then Muhammad told Allah to rain around them, not on them and the rain stopped.

Narrated Sharik: Anas bin Malik said, "A person entered the Mosque on a Friday through the gate facing the Daril-Qada' and Allah's Apostle was standing delivering the Khutba (sermon). The man stood in front of Allah's Apostle and said, 'O Allah's Apostle, livestock are dying and the roads are cut off; please pray to Allah for rain.' So Allah's Apostle (p.b.u.h) raised both his hands and said, 'O Allah! Bless us with rain. O Allah! Bless us with rain. O Allah! Bless us with rain!" Anas added, "By Allah, there were no clouds in the sky and there was no house or building between us and the mountain of Silas'. Then a big cloud like a shield appeared from behind it (i.e. Silas Mountain) and when it came in the middle of the sky, it spread and then rained. By Allah! We could not see the sun for a week. The next Friday, a person entered through the same gate and Allah's Apostle was delivering the Friday Khutba and the man stood in front of him and said, 'O Allah's Apostle! The livestock are dying and the roads are cut off; Please pray to Allah to withhold rain.' " Anas added, "Allah's Apostle raised both his hands and said, 'O Allah! Round about us and not on us. O Allah!' On the plateaus, on the mountains, on the hills, in the valleys and on the places where trees grow.' " Anas added, "The rain stopped and we came out, walking in the sun." Sharik asked Anas whether it was the same person who had asked for rain the previous Friday. Anas replied that he did not know.

Fight polytheists by trimming moustache


Allah loves sneezes (aacchoo!)


3x Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter?

(Abu ‘Eesa said: a saheeh hasan hadeeth, 2614) Abu Sa’eed said: Abu Moosa sought permission to enter upon ‘Umar. He said,
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was once, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was twice, then he kept silent for a while. Abu Moosa again said,
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, may I enter? ‘Umar said, That was three times. Then Abu Moosa went away. ‘Umar asked the doorkeeper, What happened? The doorkeeper said, He went away. ‘Umar said, bring him back. When he came back, ‘Umar said, What is this that you have done? Abu Moosa said, It is the Sunnah. ‘Umar said: is it? Then he said, I did not know this…

Interpretation of dreams


Allah takes away Prophet's knowledge


Pus better than poetry

Abu Sa`id Khudri reported: We were going with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). As we reached the place (known as) Arj there met (us) a poet who had been reciting poetry. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Catch the satan or detain the satan, for filling the belly of a man with pus is better than stuffing his brain with poetry.

Spit on the left for protection against bad dreams


Genetics 101


Death be upon you, too

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "When the Jews greet you, they usually say, 'As-Samu 'alaikum (Death be on you),' so you should say (in reply to them), 'Wa'alaikum (And on you)."

Prophetic buttocks

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established till the buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daus move while going round Dhi-al-Khalasa." Dhi-al-Khalasa was the idol of the Daus tribe which they used to worship in the Pre Islamic Period of ignorance.

Stating the obvious


The almighty wind


Could someone please lick my hands? Thank you

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said, 'When you eat, do not wipe your hands till you have licked it, or had it licked by somebody else."

The art of dealing with a fart

Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a: The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind.
Tabari I 267

Hey Muhammad, need a beer?

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle was presented a bowl of milk and a bowl of wine on the night he was taken on a journey (Al-Mi'raj).

Also see: Muhammad Drank and Performed Ablution with Wine

Allah curses tatooed women

Narrated Ibn Mas'ud: Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing or get it done for themselves, and those who remove hair from their faces, and those who create spaces between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, such ladies as change the features created by Allah. Why then shall I not curse those whom Allah's Apostle has cursed and who are cursed in Allah's Book too?

Angel Gabriel said hello

Narrated 'Aisha: that the Prophet said to her, "Gabriel sends Salam (greetings) to you." She replied, "Wa 'alaihi-s-Salam Wa Rahmatu-l-lah." (Peace and Allah's Mercy be on him).

Note: Did he use voicemail or SMS?

Dye your hair because Jews and Christians don't


Comment: What if they use soap and brush their teeth?

Izar dragging causes endless descent

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "While a man was dragging his Izar on the ground (behind him), suddenly Allah made him sink into the earth and he will go on sinking into it till the Day of Resurrection."

Greeting order

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "The young should greet the old, the passer by should greet the sitting one, and the small group of persons should greet the large group of persons. "

Comment: Who says hello first if a small group of elders meets a larger group of younger people?

Well hello, hello, hello


Poke the Peeping Tom

Narrated Abu Huraira: Abul Qasim said, "If any person peeps at you without your permission and you poke him with a stick and injure his eye, you will not be blamed."
p7S.22 The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:


(2) "Whoever peeps into a house without its people's leave, they may put out his eye."
Reliance of the Traveller: A Classic Manual of Islamic Sacred Law

Allah prefers odd numbers


Overweight omen

Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "On the Day of Resurrection, a huge fat man will come who will not weigh, the weight of the wing of a mosquito in Allah's Sight." and then the Prophet added, 'We shall not give them any weight on the Day of Resurrection'

Searching for the meaning in life... and 3 stones

Narrated Abdullah:
The Prophet went out to answer the call of nature and asked me to bring three stones. I found two stones and searched for the third but could not find it. So I took a dried piece of dung and brought it to him. He took the two stones and threw away the dung and said, "This is a filthy thing."

A Tree which is 25.5 million miles wide

Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:
Allah's Apostle said, "In Paradise there is a tree so big that in its shade a rider may travel for one hundred years without being able to cross it."

Note: Considering the average speed of a galloping horse can be around 30 miles/hour and the Islamic year has 355 days, this means the tree is 25,560,000 miles wide (25.5 million miles). This is about half the distance from the planet Earth to Mars.

Economical dry-cleaning in tough times

Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Umara from Muhammad ibn Ibrahim that the mother of the son of Ibrahim ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Awf questioned Umm Salama, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, "I am a woman who wears a long skirt and (sometimes) I walk in dirty places." Umm Salama replied, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'What follows (i.e. clean places) purifies it.' "

Annoying in-laws, a universal phenomenon

Narrated 'Uqba bin 'Amir:

And there are people who compare this guy with Buddha.

Genies like bones and animal dung

Narrated Abu Huraira:



Incantations while having sex


Cover all your bases

Narrated 'Amr bin Salama:



Narrated Sahl bin Sad

Devils on a leash


Allah's advice to his prophets

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Once while a prophet amongst the prophets was taking a rest underneath a tree, an ant bit him. He, therefore, ordered that his luggage be taken away from underneath that tree and then ordered that the dwelling place of the ants should be set on fire. Allah sent him a revelation:-- "Wouldn't it have been sufficient to burn a single ant?"

Prostitutes can stay out of Hell by helping a thirsty dog


Bodyguard job: Females need not apply

Narrated Abu Musa: Thy Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "A time will come upon the people when a person will wander about with gold as Zakat and will not find anybody to accept it, and one man will be seen followed by forty women to be their guardian because of scarcity of men and great number of women".

Looking at genitals or talking during intercourse may cause disabilities for child

Narrated by Abi Hurairah that the prophet PBUH said: If one of you got engaged in intercourse, they shouldn't look at the genital for that inherits blindness, and not talk too much for that inherits aphonia (lack of the ability to talk).
Hadith translated by FFI forum member

Say "Allah willing" during intercourse to give birth to Islamic militants


Dirty teeth can invalidate a fast


the fast...





"This Muhammad of yours is a dwarf and fat"

Narrated AbuBarzah:

AbdusSalam ibn AbuHazim AbuTalut said: I saw AbuBarzah who came to visit Ubaydullah ibn Ziyad. Then a man named Muslim who was there in the company mentioned it to me.

When Ubaydullah saw him, he said: This Muhammad of yours is a dwarf and fat. The old man (i.e. AbuBarzah) understood it.

So he said: I did not think that I should remain among people who would make me feel ashamed of the company of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Thereupon Ubaydullah said: The company of Muhammad (peace be upon him) is a honour for you, not a disgrace. He added: I called for you to ask about the reservoir. Did you hear the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) mentioning anything about it? AbuBarzah said: Yes, not once, twice, thrice, four times or five times. If anyone believes it, may Allah not supply him with water from it. He then went away angrily.

The fact that the old man AbuBarzah 'understood it' implies that Ubaydullah's description of Muhammad as a fat dwarf was accurate.

Watermelons and cucumbers

Bada'i al-Fuwa'id of Ibn Qayyim (Islamic scholar), page 129

A Muslim Shia website notes: "Maybe this is another reason why 'Umar the Khalifa never went on jihad: somebody had to stay behind and organize the cucumber distribution."

Companions of Muhammad masturbated during Jihad


Don't flash Allah

Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet had forbidden: (A) the Mulamasa and Munabadha (bargains), (B) the offering of two prayers, one after the morning compulsory prayer till the sun rises, and the others, after the 'Asr prayer till the sun sets (C) He also forbade that one should sit wearing one garment, nothing of which covers his private parts (D) and prevent them from exposure to the sky; (E) he also forbade Ishtimal-as-Samma'.

Doodling is a sin!

The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:

Whatever is images of animate beings such as insects and other living beings is not permissible, even if it is drawn on a blackboard or on paper, and even if the purpose of it is to help in teaching, because it is not essential and because of the general meaning of the evidence concerning that. (Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/685)

What is prohibited is making images of animate beings, whether that is engraving or painting on walls or fabric or paper or woven cloth, and whether it is done with a feather or a pen or other equipment, whether the thing is drawn as it is or whether some imaginary element is introduced, so it is made smaller or larger or more beautiful or more ugly, or it is drawn as a stick figure. (Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/696)


One of the most serious of evils is making images of animate beings and keeping them and using them. There is no difference between that which is three dimensional and that which is on paper, whether it is produced by machines or otherwise. This meaning was mentioned by al-Nawawi in Sharh Saheeh Muslim, and he mentioned that it is the view of the four imams. The hadeeths which emphatically warned against that are well known. (Fataawa Rasaa’il Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem, 13/173)

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:

Making images of animate beings, whether they are human or otherwise, is undoubtedly haraam and is a major sin, because it is proven that the one who does that is cursed by the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). This is clear, whether they are three-dimensional or drawn by hand. (Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen 2/288)

Animals and living things

Muttaqi (God-fearing) monkeys

See a video of a cleric talking about this event here.

According to `Amr b. Maymûn : I was in Yemen. Amongst the female goats of my people, I saw that at a heightened place, a male monkey brought along a female monkey and slept while keeping her hand beneath his head. During this time, a young monkey came and signaled the female monkey. She softly removed her hand from beneath the male monkey's head and went with the young monkey. She fornicated with him and I was watching it. After that, the female monkey returned and was softly trying to put her hand back under the male monkey's head that he woke up bewildered and smelled her and then screamed.

All the monkeys gathered thereafter. He would point towards her and scream constantly (i.e. she has committed adultery). At last the other monkeys went towards the right left and brought along that young monkey whom I recognized. They dug a hole for this young monkey and the female one and stoned them to death. So I saw monkeys stoning to death too besides the human race.
Taiseer-ul-Baari, volume 2, Page 626

This is consistent with the Qur'an in its claim that Jews (who at one time practiced stoning) were turned into apes:


Unpaid debt to turn into talking snake on Judgement Day


Monkeys and pigs are humans who once played music


Zoophilia pardonable but not homosexuality

Sunan Abu Dawud 38:4448 prescribes the death sentence for an unmarried man who commits sodomy but there is no prescribed punishment for having sex with an animal:


Sheeps prefer female babies

Narrated Umm Kurz: I heard the Prophet (may peace be upon him) say: Let the birds stay in their roosts. She said: I also heard him say: Two sheep are to be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl, but it does you no harm whether they are male or female.

Have flu? Try fresh camel urine


Women can woof too


Goat ate my Qur'an

Musnad Ahmad bin Hanbal. vol. 6, p. 269; Sunan Ibn Majah, p. 626; Ibn Qutbah, Tawil Mukhtalafi 'l-Hadith (Cairo: Maktaba al-Kulliyat al-Azhariyya. 1966) p. 310; As-Suyuti, ad-Durru 'l-Manthur, vol. 2, p. 13

Holy cocks and devil donkeys

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah's Blessings for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a satan."

The speaking cow


More horse dung and urine equals more heavenly rewards

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If somebody keeps a horse in Allah's Cause motivated by his faith in Allah and his belief in His Promise, then he will be rewarded on the Day of Resurrection for what the horse has eaten or drunk and for its dung and urine."

Lost camels can be returned to their owners but not sheep

Narrated Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani
A man asked the Prophet about the picking up of a "Luqata" (fallen lost thing). The Prophet replied, "Recognize and remember its tying material and its container, and make public announcement (about it) for one year, then utilize it but give it to its owner if he comes." Then the person asked about the lost camel. On that, the Prophet got angry and his cheeks or his Face became red and he said, "You have no concern with it as it has its water container, and its feet and it will reach water, and eat (the leaves) of trees till its owner finds it." The man then asked about the lost sheep. The Prophet replied, "It is either for you, for your brother (another person) or for the wolf."

A house may be set on fire by a mouse

This hadith has been reported on the authority of Jabir through another chain of transmitters but with a slight variation of words:” The mouse may set the house on fire over its inhabitants.”
Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z-Zubayr al-Makki from Jabir ibn Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Lock the door, tie the waterskin, turn the vessel over or cover it, and put out the lamp. Shaytan does not open a locked door or untie a tied knot, or uncover a vessel. A mouse may set fire to people’s houses about them.”

Israelites turned into rats

The Prophet said, "A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But I do not see them except that they were cursed and changed into rats, for if you put the milk of a she-camel in front of a rat, it will not drink it, but if the milk of a sheep is put in front of it, it will drink it." I told this to Ka'b who asked me, "Did you hear it from the Prophet ?" I said, "Yes." Ka'b asked me the same question several times.; I said to Ka'b. "Do I read the Torah? (i.e. I tell you this from the Prophet.)"

Race relations, the Islamic way


In a dream, Satan cannot imitate the Prophet

Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "Whoever has seen me in a dream, then no doubt, he has seen me, for Satan cannot imitate my shape.

Don't be late, the angels are watching


Allah wants to see you...naked

Narrated Ibn Abbas: The Prophet said, "You will meet Allah barefooted, naked, walking on feet, and uncircumcised."

People are just like camels

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "People are just like camels, out of one hundred, one can hardly find a single camel suitable to ride."

Flag fixed behind the buttocks


Satanic influences

Satan ties three knots at back of our head while we sleep


Satan urinated in my ears


Devil sleeps in our what?


Satan tries to interrupt Muhammad

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet offered a prayer, and (after finishing) he said, "Satan came in front of me trying persistently to divert my attention from the prayer, but Allah gave me the strength to over-power him."

Satan gets unlimited hospital passes


Satan LOL's at yawning


Man talks to Satan for 3 nights and Satan steals his food

Narrated Abu Huraira

Allah's Apostle deputed me to keep Sadaqat (al-Fitr) of Ramadan. A comer came and started taking handfuls of the foodstuff (of the Sadaqa) (stealthily). I took hold of him and said, "By Allah, I will take you to Allah's Apostle ." He said, "I am needy and have many dependents, and I am in great need." I released him, and in the morning Allah's Apostle asked me, "What did your prisoner do yesterday?" I said, "O Allah's Apostle! The person complained of being needy and of having many dependents, so, I pitied him and let him go." Allah's Apostle said, "Indeed, he told you a lie and he will be coming again." I believed that he would show up again as Allah's Apostle had told me that he would return. So, I waited for him watchfully. When he (showed up and) started stealing handfuls of foodstuff, I caught hold of him again and said, "I will definitely take you to Allah's Apostle. He said, "Leave me, for I am very needy and have many dependents. I promise I will not come back again." I pitied him and let him go.

In the morning Allah's Apostle asked me, "What did your prisoner do." I replied, "O Allah's Apostle! He complained of his great need and of too many dependents, so I took pity on him and set him free." Allah's Apostle said, "Verily, he told you a lie and he will return." I waited for him attentively for the third time, and when he (came and) started stealing handfuls of the foodstuff, I caught hold of him and said, "I will surely take you to Allah's Apostle as it is the third time you promise not to return, yet you break your promise and come." He said, "(Forgive me and) I will teach you some words with which Allah will benefit you." I asked, "What are they?" He replied, "Whenever you go to bed, recite "Ayat-al-Kursi"-- 'Allahu la ilaha illa huwa-l-Haiy-ul Qaiyum' till you finish the whole verse. (If you do so), Allah will appoint a guard for you who will stay with you and no satan will come near you till morning. " So, I released him. In the morning, Allah's Apostle asked, "What did your prisoner do yesterday?" I replied, "He claimed that he would teach me some words by which Allah will benefit me, so I let him go." Allah's Apostle asked, "What are they?" I replied, "He said to me, 'Whenever you go to bed, recite Ayat-al-Kursi from the beginning to the end ---- Allahu la ilaha illa huwa-lHaiy-ul-Qaiyum----.' He further said to me, '(If you do so), Allah will appoint a guard for you who will stay with you, and no satan will come near you till morning.' (Abu Huraira or another sub-narrator) added that they (the companions) were very keen to do good deeds. The Prophet said, "He really spoke the truth, although he is an absolute liar. Do you know whom you were talking to, these three nights, O Abu Huraira?" Abu Huraira said, "No." He said, "It was Satan."

Satan farts to the sound of the Adhan


Babies cry at birth because Satan touches them


Eat with the right hand because Satan eats with the left


Call of nature related to offensive and wicked things


Islamic Heaven: "appetizing vaginas" and "ever-erect" penises

Sunan Ibn Maja, Zuhd (Book of Abstinence) 39
Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur'an, p. 351

Allah punishes Muhammad for Safiyah's capture by making him fall off a camel

Safiyah bint Huyay was a woman that Muhammad captured and married, after killing her husband.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: We were in the company of the Prophet while returning from 'Usfan, and Allah's Apostle was riding his she−camel keeping Safiya bint Huyay riding behind him. His she−camel slipped and both of them fell down. Abu Talha jumped from his camel and said, "O Allah's Apostle! May Allah sacrifice me for you." The Prophet said, "Take care of the lady." So, Abu Talha covered his face with a garment and went to Safiya and covered her with it, and then he set right the condition of their shecamel so that both of them rode, and we were encircling Allah's Apostle like a cover. When we approached Medina, the Prophet said, "We are returning with repentance and worshipping and praising our Lord." He kept on saying this till he entered Medina.

Tortured in the grave for peeing on himself


Faeces radiates towards Allah


Black dogs are devils


Playing chess is evil


Aminah and her vagina light

According to accepted sirat, Muhammad's mother had light coming out of her vagina when giving birth to him.

When the prophet came out of his mothers vagina, the light covered the east and the west which reached all the way to Sham (Syria today)
sirat ibn hisham 166

Free a Muslim slave, and save your private parts

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If somebody manumits a Muslim slave, Allah will save from the Fire every part of his body for freeing the corresponding parts of the slave's body, even his private parts will be saved from the Fire) because of freeing the slave's private parts."

Don't ever raise your head

The sin of raising your head before the imam is so great, your face will transform into a donkey.


He pees like a woman

Narrated Amr ibn al-'As: AbdurRahman ibn Hasanah reported: I and Amr ibn al-'As went to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He came out with a leather shield (in his hand). He covered himself with it and urinated. Then we said: Look at him. He is urinating as a woman does. The Prophet (peace be upon him), heard this and said: Do you not know what befell a person from amongst Banu Isra'il (the children of Israel)? When urine fell on them, they would cut off the place where the urine fell; but he (that person) forbade them (to do so), and was punished in his grave.

If you disagree with the Qur'an you should go hang yourself


Drunk water while standing up? Puke it out!


Two things the Prophet loves: perfume and women

Al-Hasan al-Basri wrote: “The Messenger of God said, “The only two things I cherish of the life of this world are women and perfume.
Ibn Sa'd's Kitab Tabaqat Al-Kubra, Volume 1, Page 380

Looking up during prayer may cause blindness


Perpetual suicide


Note: What if the poison is delicious?

Masturbation leads to a pregnant hand and too much sex leads to death

15. Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation
. . .

Just as it is unlawful and forbidden to commit sexual intercourse with a strange man or woman, it is likewise forbidden to masturbate.


Spiritually, one does not get enjoyment in worship and Zikr. If also causes the child to be born weak and frail. It is for this very reason that the Buzurgs have advised to preserve the semen. After 15 to 30 days when there is a strong urge to have sex, only then should one fulfill one's desire. The lion copulates once a year and from that it breeds offspring.

Similarly, those people who have intercourse after long intervals of time produce strong and healthy children. Therefore, moderation is necessary in sexual relations with one's wife, otherwise excessive sex can even lead to death. My Shaikh, Hazrat Phoulpoori (رحمۃ اللہ علیہ) narrated to us the incident of an Alim who had a very beautiful wife. Whenever he would come home from running errands and would see his wife, then he would not be able to control himself. He used have so much sexual relations that after six months, instead of discharging semen, blood started to ejaculate from his penis. This eventually led to a severe fever after which he died. Beauty was the cause of his death. This is why I advise to have moderation in permissible things as well. As for the unlawful, then my advice is not to even go near Haraam. May Allah Ta'ala grant us the ability to practice upon what has been said. Amen
The 14 Harms Of Casting Evil Glances
Shaikh ul Arab wal Ajam Hazrat Maulana Shah Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar Saheb

Muhammad the inadvertent trend-setter has a temper tantrum

Narrated Ibn. 'Umar: Allah's Apostle wore a gold ring or a silver ring and placed its stone towards the palm of his hand and had the name 'Muhammad, the Apostle of Allah' engraved on it. The people also started wearing gold rings like it, but when the Prophet saw them wearing such rings, he threw away his own ring and said. "I will never wear it," and then wore a silver ring, whereupon the people too started wearing silver rings. Ibn Umar added: After the Prophet Abu Bakr wore the ring, and then Umar and then 'Uthman wore it till it fell in the Aris well from 'Uthman. bin 'Umar : Allah's Apostle wore a gold ring, then he threw it and said, "I will never wear it." The people also threw their (gold) rings.

Believers will enter paradise even if they have had illegal sexual intercourse or committed theft

Narrated Abu Dhar: The Prophet said, "Gabriel said to me, 'Whoever amongst your followers die without having worshipped others besides Allah, will enter Paradise (or will not enter the (Hell) Fire)." The Prophet asked. "Even if he has committed illegal sexual intercourse or theft?" He replied, "Even then."

Prophet's sweat used as perfume

Narrated Thumama: Anas said, "Um Sulaim used to spread a leather sheet for the Prophet and he used to take a midday nap on that leather sheet at her home." Anas added, "When the Prophet had slept, she would take some of his sweat and hair and collect it (the sweat) in a bottle and then mix it with Suk (a kind of perfume) while he was still sleeping. "When the death of Anas bin Malik approached, he advised that some of that Suk be mixed with his Hanut (perfume for embalming the dead body), and it was mixed with his Hanut.

Refusing to die, Moses slaps Angel of Death and damages his eye


Eat dirty food and lick your fingers clean to starve the devil


Muslim women gossip about their husbands


A novel way to identify true Muslims


Going by this hadith, true Muslims are the ones hiding under their beds and trembling when an eclipse happens. All the rest are hypocrites and kuffar.

Can you even make heads or tails out of this?

Narrated Asma', daughter of Yazid ibn as-Sakan: I heard the Messenger of Allah as saying: Do not kill your children secretly, for the milk, with which a child is suckled while his mother is pregnant, overtakes the horseman and throws him from his horse.

Shia: They too deserve their place in this silliness, don't they?

Imam al-Baqir, the fifth Shi'ite Imam, said that he found in the book of Amir ul Mu'mineen ‘Ali that he has said that the Holy Prophet said: "When adultery appears (abundantly in a society), the (number of) sudden deaths increases; and when there is fraud, Allah takes them in expensiveness and loss. When people stop giving alms tax, the earth holds back its blessings from plants (crops), fruits, mines, and all such things... And, when they do not perform enjoining right and forbidding wrong and also do not follow the chosen ones of my Ahl ul Bayt, Allah will set their vicious ones over them.
Safinat-ul-Bihar, vol. 2, p. 630

Famous Hadith Narrator accompanies Prophet only to get Free Meals

Abu Hurairah was one of the most famous hadith narrators. In this hadith, he admits that the only reason he followed Muhammad around so much (and hence knew a lot of narrations) was because he was poor, and that if he followed Muhammad he would always be assured of a free meal:

Narrated Abu Huraira: I used to accompany Allah's Apostle to fill my stomach; and that was when I did not eat baked bread, nor wear silk. Neither a male nor a female slave used to serve me, and I used to bind stones over my belly and ask somebody to recite a Quranic Verse for me though I knew it, so that he might take me to his house and feed me. Ja'far bin Abi Talib was very kind to the poor, and he used to take us and feed us with what ever was available in his house, (and if nothing was available), he used to give us the empty (honey or butter) skin which we would tear and lick whatever was in it.

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