*In ranch country, there’s this theory that culture is mono. We country folk do not pay attention to what is going on in this world other than the burning news of the day caramelized through our news channel of choice. Most in rural America want it to be 1954 again. Our music is of two types: country and western. We vote for the person with the “R” behind their name; my first vote was for Ronald Reagan, who, like me, wore a cowboy hat and rode horses.*

Ah, low information voters.