Hello doctor, I am concerned about my only daughter whose age is 3.5 years. She is going to preschool for past one year now. She is well in her studies. She is very mischievous and lively chatterbox in our home. But she cannot mingle with outside society. She is reserved in her school. She does not participate in group activities and remains firmly standing at one place when pressurized to do so. Whenever some outsider asks something, she remains quiet. Even when her name is asked, she did not answer. Recently we went for a high school interview. Madam asked her questions whose answers were known to her but she did not answer a single word. Her father and I repeatedly told her to answer but she did not. In this context, it is to say that I am also a quiet person but that did not hinder me from mingling with the outside world. Her father is also reserved both at home and outside. But our child is talkative at home and quiet outside. Please tell me a way out of her problem.
Hello. From your description, it looks like your daughter is socially anxious and presenting with a mild form of selective mutism. Sometimes, they will be completely not able to speak to anyone in a social setting. Mostly they will be able to speak or whisper to some familiar people. With support, she will be gradually able to become confident and talk well outside the home as well. It may take months, sometimes longer. So we have to be patient in this situation and support her as your daughter also will be anxious and frustrated. We have to remember that she does not do it intentionally but is a result of anxious or reserved temperament. Follow these steps to support your child. 1. Do not make her feel pressurized to talk all the time she is outside. Be supportive. 2. Create opportunities to chat in small social settings. Initially 1:1 chat with a known person in a park or temple. Once she feels comfortable, move to small groups. Be patient. 3. Praise her even if she says 1 or 2 words. Even whispering is okay. 4. Gently expand her comfort zone by mingling with her peers. Most children will get better gradually. If the problem persists or worsens in spite of these supportive measures, consult your pediatrician for an assessment. Sometimes speech and language therapy input may be needed.