Hello doctor, I am a 23 year old female, 5 feet and 8 inches, 285 lbs; currently taking Seroquel 100 mg at night and Adderall 30 mg on days I have to work. I have a history of depression, anxiety, self-harm, drug abuse, obsessive thoughts, and chronic fatigue. I have gained 40 lb weight in the past six months. Previously, I was diagnosed with borderline personality, and have been on two psych holds within the last five years, completed two three-day stays for in-patient treatment, most recently four months ago. I was told I might be bi-polar. I cannot motivate myself to get out of bed unless I have to go to work. I have a history of toxic relationships and abandonment issues. I cannot seem to stop thinking about what happened with my most recent relationship even though I know he was not a good person and did many bad things to me. I have overwhelming feelings and feel things in extremes. I have a history of drug abuse, mostly Klonopin, Xanax, and pain medication. I am clean since four months. I have a history of reckless behavior. Now that I am not abusing pills, all I do is sleep and eat and compulsively spend money. I feel lost like I do not fit anywhere. I am upset about my weight gain, but cannot motivate myself to do anything about it. I want to go back to school but cannot bring myself to do the work. I was seeing a psychiatrist five years back for similar issues from another relationship and was diagnosed with borderline personality and was put on multiple medications that did not help me. So, I stopped going and stopped taking the meds and felt better. I got myself together and went to school and graduated with honors with associates in radiologic technology. I was alright for those three years and it has been pretty downhill the past year since I met someone else and it went horribly wrong and affected my job, which I quit due to my ex being there, which then cost me the job I was just offered because my previous boss gave me a bad reference. I lost the opportunity at a great job, and since then it has been very hard. I got reckless. I was taking way too many pills. My relationship with my mother was strained, and it got out of control. I cut my wrists with the idea that I did not care what happened, and that day I was admitted for an inpatient treatment for three days. I have not abused anything since then, but I am miserable. I just want to know what is wrong and why I feel things in such extremes.
Hello. I have gone through your problem and understand your concern. I understand you were diagnosed as suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) and responded poorly to treatment despite multiple medications. In BPD, usually, you do not respond to medicines. You also need psychotherapy namely DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) in which you are explained about your behavior and emotions and how to control maladaptive behavior. Associated depression is a contributing factor in not being able to get out of bed. Because of BPD, or maladaptive behavior, you are having these extreme emotions. And, as with many persons, weight gain is a common side effect of the psychotropic drugs. So, do regular exercises to control weight. Thanks and regards. For more information consult a psychiatrist online -->