Hello doctor, I am 25 years old female suffering from depression since last two years due to various reasons. I am a loner in life and now completely withdrawn from social life. I cannot name a few friends to whom I can talk and my family does not show any care towards me. I am staying away from my family due to a job and staying alone. I consulted a psychiatrist five months back as I was having sleeping problems (I used to feel severe anxiety and fear during nights without any reason). He diagnosed me with a major depressive disorder and the doctor had prescribed some anti-depressants but I am reluctant to take such depressants as I think they might have side effects so am not using any medicines. I cannot connect to people or converse or mix up with them easily ever since my childhood, as a result, I remained a loner in life. I had never been in a loving relationship with any boy till now and that upsets me a lot. I had feelings towards two guys but they left me saying they do not love me. I feel always rejected in life. As I could not bear this loneliness daily anymore, I started chatting online not realizing I was making a wrong move. I met one person in real but I was forced to have sex without my interest (this happened two months back and I fear pregnancy). I feel totally guilty and sometimes nothing for what I did. I shut down online chatting and now I feel it impossible for me to have a social life any more. My family cannot get me married. I feel there is nothing in my life to be happy about and I feel I am not worth anything on this earth. I am feeling very much suicidal (I may not do it but I really feel that I do not want to live a life like this). I feel irritated and lose control over myself easily. I started abusing my family members saying that they do not care me enough. I lost interest in my career and not able to work properly and unable to speak friendly with my colleagues. I cannot go out of my home to anywhere on my own nor do I have anyone to go with and feel more depressed to go alone. I am afraid I may lose my career along with personal life too. I wake up in the night sometimes not recognizing myself and for what purpose I exist. I am not able to put my entire feelings but I feel them very strong. I am writing this with a hope that you will help me.
Hi. I read your query and have an impression that your psychiatrist is right in diagnosing you as a person suffering from a major depressive disorder. In fact almost all the symptoms are present at this moment which point toward major depressive disorder. I understand your concern about side effects of medications but at the same time, I am really worried about the outcome if you do not take care of yourself. I mean to say that medications may have side effects but they are really helpful to get you out from major depressive disorder from which you are currently suffering. In addition to this most of these side effects are short lasting and not everybody develops side effects. In fact, around 10 to 20 % of a person with antidepressant develop some side effects and only 1 to 2 % develop serious side effects. If you do the risk-benefit analysis of antidepressants you will find that the risk is much lower in comparison to benefits. In addition to medications, there are other options which can be handy to get rid of depression. One among them is counseling and psychotherapy. You can find a psychologist in your city for psychotherapy. If you are unable to do so I will be happy to do online counseling for you.  At this moment my advice is to start taking medication and stay active. If you do not have friends, develop a friendship with your body. Do regular exercise and stay healthy which will help you to get the right person in your life and will also help in depression. For more information consult a psychologist counsellor online -->