Hello doctor, I am engaging in vaginal intercourse for the first time. I have tried a couple of times, but I get a bit too anxious and failed. I could not get a completely erect penis. One time I did not get any erection at all. I am sure I do not have an erectile disorder because I get a completely erect penis during masturbation. Any suggestions on how to overcome this anxiety? I am 30 years old and weigh 69 kilograms, and my height is five feet 6 inches.
Hello. I read your query and understand your concerns. First of all, I like to inform you that one can handle performance anxiety with the use of the right psychotherapeutic approach. In my own experience, around 70-80 % of individuals report dramatic improvement in erections once the psychotherapy is started leading to decrease in performance anxiety. Below here I am delineating few of the strategies which will help you in the problem. Firstly get rid of thoughts that you may be sexually inadequate or your doubts that you may not be able to perform properly. This is because performance anxiety, feelings of sexual inadequacy, self-doubts, guilt, past negative sexual experiences, poor communication/understanding with the partner, etc., can all affect sexual functioning and performance. Removing such ideas will eliminate the majority of causes for your poor sexual performance. Removing the person's doubts and fears, and improving his self-confidence levels will help in improving sexual performance. Remember that sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving the expression of emotions, intimacy, and love. So, just involve yourself in those feelings and stop focusing on your "performance" alone. Once you do that, then I assure you that your sexual performance will automatically improve. Most importantly, performance anxiety soon becomes a "vicious cycle" that is, anxiety leads to poor performance, and poor performance then leads to further anxiety, and this keeps on increasing. One more problem responsible for performance anxiety is inadequate sexual arousal. When the person is not properly aroused, the blood flow to the penis is not maximal, and so, after a few strokes, the erection weakens, and ejaculation occurs. The way to tackle this is not to rush into intercourse quickly but wait till you get fully aroused. So, increase and spice-up your foreplay. Make sure that you initiate penetration only after both of you are fully turned on. Good foreplay not only arouses you but also sparks off the mood in your partner. So, when she is also aroused and involved, then things keep flowing smoothly and effortlessly, and you do not have to be constantly anxious if you satisfy your partner or not. Distract yourself stop "monitoring" your sexual performance. Try putting on some romantic music or mild lighting while you make love. Think about the things that turn you on. Taking your mind off of your sexual performance can remove the worries that are stopping you from getting fully aroused. Wish you all the best for your sexual health. I hope this helps you. If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you. For more information consult an andrologist online -->