Hi doctor, My husband is very broadminded and good hearted. He is an all rounder in every arena, both at home and outside. He can manage anything and can do any task. But, he quickly gets irritated when saw any flaw around. He expects me to be 100% perfectionist in any work at home. Due to the irritation, he was throwing nasty slangs. It does not mean anything serious. It is natural from his side and after two minutes he forgets everything. But, I cannot cope up with listening these slangs. It is mentally affecting me. However, I did not blame him. I tried to analyze the cause of his irritation and I found that he has financial panic and stress. So, I pushed him to start giving tuition to IT professionals. As he is getting extra earning, he feels better with more confidence now. Also, I pushed him slowly to join a spiritual community where they offer breathing exercise techniques for free and he said that he got benefited from it. Also, I observed that the frequency of his irritation reduced. Even though he has reduced his irritation, I really do not know to handle him when he shouts after me horribly and talks rubbish. He treats me very low for that moment. Otherwise, he is very fine with me and those are just a matter of moments. I am very gentle, soft natured and hardly argue with others. But, this affects my emotional level certainly and nowadays, I simply repeat his words to him and then he stops. Apart from the above issue, he is a caring and responsible guy. I adjusted to him for the last six years and now I have a baby. What message will my baby get when my husband will shout over me with nasty and dirty slangs in dominating and highly irritating manner? Will it impact my baby or she will ignore? How to handle my husband with effective and strong communication? We both are working. I am managing my 11 months old baby and doing half a day office for baby. I have OCD and acute psychosis symptoms. If my stress gets trigger for any reason, I may get stress headache and can hear mild auditory hallucinations. All the above problems of mine started before two to three years. I am 90% fine after having a baby.
Hi. I completely understand that you are facing a hard time dealing with your husband at times he gets irritated and you feel concerned about your baby if she gets affected by this attitude. Here, I am telling you something related to psychological theories and research findings on how children form perceptions. Communication pattern may gets disturbed if one or both of the partners are going through some stress, psychological problems or any sort of personality patterns which clash with each other. Psychological assessment of both partners is necessary when there is a partner related problem. Together, you both can consult a psychologist (family therapist) for assessment, so that the communication patterns of both the partners can be assessed and guided towards positive growth.  Because, in case of only one partner suffering from psychological illness, individual psychotherapy is suggested. But, if both are having some psychological issues, first of all they both need individual counseling or therapy and when they complete the individual treatment, their partner related issues are worked out in couple therapy.  Do get your partner assessed psychologically and get confirmed your own diagnosis, so that you can get effective treatment before it affects your offspring. Partner relational problem. A research shows that the couple therapy or marital therapy is the best treatment for partner related problems or communication problems. Do take some couple therapy sessions to work on your communication patterns.  As you have mentioned that you are dealing with your husband since long time, I appreciate; the way you are handling is very well. Keep handling it gently. Here, I am giving you some tips to develop effective communication skills. 1. What you feel is very important to communicate with your partner, whether you feel positive or negative, do communicate it. But, the key to effective communication is the way you communicate it to your partner. For example, you are giving a positive comment in a harsh or loud tone, definitely it will give a negative sense and the next person will never take it positively. 2. In contrast, you talk in a low and humble tone. You can talk to your partner that you feel very concerned that if our baby will be affected by our words. She may not learn what we are saying in front of her and she might not get fearful of our loud tone. You do not hit the person directly, but try to tell your real feelings and concerns and then definitely it will give a positive sense. 3. The next person will never ignore your concern if you give him the sense that you respect his personality and you like him, but this particular behavior is unacceptable for you and you want him to be more likable. 4. Always use positive affirmations in your language if you want others to listen you. For example, I respect what you are going through, I am always there for you, I want to see you happy, you are a very nice person and any other positive phrases. If you start your talk with positive things and then lightly come to the negative aspect, it will definitely give another person the sense that you really want him to improve, rather than trying to hit or hurt. 5. Take care of your verbal (the words you say) and nonverbal messages (body language). If both are congruent, you will be considered true and genuine. If you say that I am happy, but your body posture or facial expressions say that you are not happy inside and something is wrong, then the next person will definitely believe on your body language and not your words. I appreciate that you are concerned regarding your baby at this initial stage. Do take help to deal with the issues before it affects your child. Because, once the child's personality patterns are formed, then it is very difficult for the parents to reshape it. For further information consult a psychologist counsellor online.--->