Hello doctor, I am 21 years old. I have been wanting to see a doctor for so long but I do not even know where to start from. I have been suffering from the same symptoms for over 15 years. I have been having problems with every single person in my life. My parents, friends most especially and people around. I feel really sad, the kind of sadness that you can literally feel it in your heart. I cry for weeks, people avoid me for weeks, I feel suffocated, I have palpitations, etc. A few years back I felt suicidal and I really do not want to die. I hear voices mostly of my sister crying at night or during the day, and I imagine things happening, me hurting someone or someone I love getting hurt. And I can actually see it happening in front of my eyes. And sometimes the triggers are my surroundings, maybe there is a knife or some cars passing by. And it happens more than 20 times in a day. I really have problems with people especially the people I love the most. I just feel like they genuinely do not like me, or they are just staying with me because I will benefit them in some ways. I have the most problem with my boyfriend, I just find myself in a situation where I just stop talking to him. At some point, he told me I am trying to make him think like me, and I just stop talking to him for no reason and it is like a cycle. One minute I am fine the next I just get in a mood. And it is actually true. My mother calls me a chameleon because of my mood swings. I will be the happiest person on earth, planing my life, my business, listening to motivational videos one time and the next minute I feel worthless, useless, I just do not want to do anything. I am really a problem in people’s lives and they really care about me so much. I think it is best if I just cut everyone out, I am just tired of feeling this way constantly for years. I do not even know how to explain how I feel what is actually happening. I am really scared to talk to people, I feel like they are ignoring me or I am just this worthless person that nobody wants to talk to. When I have a presentation I feel like I am going to die. And this is my final year in dental school. I have never talked to some of my classmates. I feel like the doctors do not even like me, but they have no other choice because I am always with two of my friends who everybody likes. And now I have a lot of medical issues that I cannot get a real diagnosis for. I have severe body pain that I cannot even sleep at night, palpitations, dizziness, breathing problems, abdominal pain, severe period pain and I wake up at the night gasping for air. The doctors told me it is anemia, but it is vitamin D deficiency. I am fine now. I really need your help, I just want to feel how it feels to be human, to be normal, and not to overthink. I really have a lot to explain but I do not even know how to put it in words and it is a lot, and I am too scared to talk about it. I really do not know what to do. I am tired of feeling this way for years I just want to understand what is wrong with me. Please help.
Hello. I have gone through your concern with interest. It is clear that you have a social anxiety problem and an episode of depression. It is also likely that you have personality traits that result in such behavior. To make the final diagnosis you need to visit a psychiatrist in person. There are mainly two methods to manage your symptoms, first psychotherapy, and second drug therapy. Depending upon your type and severity you need to choose either one or both. Psychotherapy is usually helpful to understand your cause of symptoms and problematic behavior and how you can modify it and learn to manage your stress is a more effective way. Drugs such as antidepressants, a mood stabilizer and antipsychotics can be used to manage your symptoms. So first get an in-person consultation with your psychiatrist. I hope this helps.