 My father and I never really achieved a real relationship . We probably saw each other 20 or 25 times in our lifetime . When you are able , at my age , to count the times you have seen your father , it says something ... I think it 's better to have conflict , or , if you have a parent who dies , you grieve , but the feeling of absence is very difficult to fill , and it took me a while to absorb that . 
