My husband died on Dec. 11,2010 at home, in our bed.  I woke up to him seizing.  I panicked.  He appeared mottled, cyanotic.   I feel like I didnt do enough to save him.  I feel like my initial panic kept me from saving HIM.  He had stents put in his renal arteries in August.  They were also monitoring a AAA.   I am a nurse and have been one for 34 years-yet could not save him.. I deal with daily guilt that I failed him.  Docotrs here at work have done their best to reassure me that there was nothing I could do.  The ambulance missed our house as well.  Please help me to understand that it wasnt my fault.
Hello can understand your problem, and I am sorry about your husbands' death. You feel guilty that you couldn't save him due to panic. You missed the important hours. See just ask yourself who is most affected due to death of your husband. Your intentions were to save him. This is just because he died you have started blaming your self. You loved him very much, and could have done everything to save him from death if it was possible. There are a lot of things in world which are not under control of anyone. Death is one of them, what happened was bound to happen. Don't blame yourself as you have to look after yourself. The more you blame yourself more you will feel depressed. Please don't think about this thing again and again. Try to relax yourself with yoga or meditation. Thanks, wish you a good health.