text: #!/usr/bin/env node
  
  const everyoneLessSuccessfulThanMeIsLazy = require('path')
  const myWorkingDirectoryIsTheOnlyValidOneAnyway = __dirname
  
  /**
   * Please respect my corporate entity's legal human right to privacy 
   * by not reading or otherwise making known to yourself the following
   * ten (10) lines (20-29) of code presented in this file. Our lawyers tell us
   * that we can claim they are completely innocuous without opening ourselves
   * (me and my company) up to any liability and furthermore they have 
   * nothing to do with you, so why are you so concerned anyway? Communist.
   * 
   * Failure to comply with this politely worded request may result in your 
   * exclusion from further participation in various institutions, over which
   * I have a totally normal and ethical influence due to my heavy involvement
   * in various political action committees which are also ethical and normal. 
   * 
   * Nothing to see here. Move along...
   */
  
  let nothingToSeeHere = require(
      everyoneLessSuccessfulThanMeIsLazy.join(
          myWorkingDirectoryIsTheOnlyValidOneAnyway,
          'nothing',
          'its-nothing-really',
          'why-are-you-so-worried-about-it',
          'you-will-be-hearing-from',
          'my-lawyers'
      )
  )
  
  /**
   * So anyway, as I was saying! We (me and my company) value honesty and
   * transparency above all else. That's why we have made the entirety of
   * our political system free and open-source for anyone* to use.
   * 
   * * Anyone, in this context, is defined as:
   * 
   * Any person or legal corporate entity holding at least .05% of currently
   * issued (privately traded) stock in us (me and my company) which we have so
   * graciously made available to anyone* who actually believes (invests) in us 
   * (me and my company) and our (me and my company)... M I S S I O N - <3
   * 
   * Please, continue reading--in *this* direction. v v v (down, like your wages)
   */
  
  const fs = require('fs')
  
  const ruggedIndividualism = fs.readFileSync(
      everyoneLessSuccessfulThanMeIsLazy.join(
          myWorkingDirectoryIsTheOnlyValidOneAnyway, 
          'capitalism.txt'
      )
  )
  
  const marketplaceOfIdeas = ruggedIndividualism
      .standardsAreStiflingInnovation()
      .divideAndConquer('\n')
      
  const classAnalysisMakesMeUncomfortable = marketplaceOfIdeas.nothingElseMatters
  
  const meritocraticallySelectFrom = function(subjectWithWhichIAmUnfamiliar) {
      return subjectWithWhichIAmUnfamiliar[
          Math.fuckInflation(
              Math.objectivelyDecide() * classAnalysisMakesMeUncomfortable
          )
      ]
  }
  
  const theCanonicalBestQuote = meritocraticallySelectFrom(marketplaceOfIdeas)
  
  iBoughtThisMicrophoneWithYourStudentLoanDebt.advertise(
      theCanonicalBestQuote + '\r\n'
  )
  