text: var punArray = ["A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.", 
  "Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.", 
  "Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.", 
  "I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.", 
  "Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.", 
  "Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands! I love this joke because it never grows old.", 
  "Jokes with punch lines can be painfully funny.", 
  "A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.", 
  "What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus.", 
  "What happens when four children lock themselves in a wardrobe? That's narnia business..", 
  "Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.", 
  "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.", 
  "I wanted to make a joke about sodium, but Na..",
  "I wanted to make a joke about quantum dots or nanoscience, but Na..No..",
  "Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.", 
  "I never understood odourless chemicals, they never make scents.", 
  "Never trust atoms, they make up everything!", 
  "When two vegetarians are arguing, is it still considered beef?", 
  "I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.", 
  "When life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.", 
  "I make apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.", 
  "No matter how hard you push the envelope it will still be stationery.", 
  "What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!", 
  "What do Marxists only drink terrible tea? Because Proper-tea is theft.",
  "Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.", 
  "I was trying to make a pun about escaping quicksand but I'm stuck.", 
  "The rotation of the earth really makes my day",
  "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.",
  "To write with a broken pencil is pointless.",
  "A bicycle can\'t stand on its own because it is two-tired.",
  "When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.",
  "Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.",
  "When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.",
  "I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.",
  "He wears glasses during math because it improves division."
  ,"She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still."
  ,"She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off."
  ,"Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine."
  ,"It wasn\'t school John disliked it was just the principal of it."
  ,"It\'s better to love a short girl than not a tall."
  ,"There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn\'t control his  pupils."
  ,"A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat."
  ,"The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize."
  ,"Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate."
  ,"There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre."
  ,"With her marriage she got a new name and a dress."
  ,"The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large"
  ,"He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends."
  ,"Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted."
  ,"When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion."
  ,"When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she\'d dye."
  ,"He often broke into song because he couldn\'t find the key."
  ,"Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat."
  ,"Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll."
  ,"To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence."
  ,"In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes."
  ,"Atheism is a non-prophet organization"
  ,"It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers."
  ,"A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper."
  ,"Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under."
  ,"When two TV repairman got married the reception was excellent."
  ,"An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle."
  ,"How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket."
  ,"A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said \'No change yet\'."
  ,"A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients."
  ,"Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board."
  ,"The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card."
  ,"If you give some managers an inch they think they\'re a ruler."
  ,"Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie."
  ,"He had a photographic memory that was never developed."
  ,"A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining."
  ,"Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease."
  ,"Some people don\'t like food going to waist.."
  ,"You feel stuck with your debt if you can\'t budge it."
  ,"Girls who don\'t get asked out as often as their friends could feel out-dated."
  ,"We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn\'t even afford to pay attention."
  ,"A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary."
  ,"A backwards poet writes inverse."
  ,"Once you\'ve seen one shopping center you\'ve seen a mall."
  ,"When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A."
  ,"A plateau is a high form of flattery."
  ,"When chemists die, we barium."
  ,"When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution."
  ,"Seven days without a pun makes one weak."
  ,"A circus lion won\'t eat clowns because they taste funny."
  ,"A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, \"Is the bar tender here?\""
  ,"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in-tents."
  ,"Santa\'s helpers are subordinate clauses."
  ,"A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine."
  ,"When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart."
  ,"Gardeners always know the ground rules."
  ,"Some people\'s noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run."
  ,"Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest."
  ,"What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese."
  ,"When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party."
  ,"Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you."
  ,"Old programmers never die, they just can\'t C as well."
  ,"A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet."
  ,"Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon."
  ,"A ditch digger was entrenched in his career."
  ,"A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item."
  ,"A criminal\'s best asset is his lie ability."
  ,"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."
  ,"People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren\'t idiots. That would be stereotyping."
  ,"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He\'s all right now."
  ,"I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it."
  ,"There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said \'Keep off the Grass\'."
  ,"I couldn\'t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me."
  ,"A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it."
  ,"It\'s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn\'t have the balls to do it."
  ,"I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak."
  ,"Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest."
  ,"What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine."
  ,"It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban."
  ,"Atheists don\'t solve exponential equations because they don\'t believe in higher powers."
  ,"The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work."
  ,"Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?"
  ,"When William joined the army he disliked the phrase \'fire at will\'."
  ,"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink."
  ,"A prisoner\'s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence."
  ,"I used to do rock climbing as a youth, but I was much boulder back then."
  ,"I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted."
  ,"Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy."
  ,"I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan."
  ,"A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. \'Are you the friar?\' he asks. \'No. I\'m the chip monk,\' he replies."
  ,"Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, \'You stay here, I\'ll go on a head.\'."
  ,"Now matter how much you push the envelope, it\'ll still be stationery."
  ,"The IRA their like the Mafia, they can take anything."
  ,"The roundest knight at king Arthur\'s round table was Sir Cumference."
  ,"The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran."
  ,"The man who worked at the watch factory was very funny. He stood about all day making faces."
  ,"The dead batteries were given out free of charge."
  ,"Organ donors put their heart into it."
  ,"Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. Some are gentlemen, but only one was a truly Feynman."
  ,"Decimals have a point."
  ,"I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction."
  ,"Hey baby, I got my ion you."
  ,"Do you have any sodium hypobromite? NaBrO"
  ,"Are you full of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium? Because you're Be-Au-Ti-ful."
  ,"My teacher threw sodium chloride at me. That is a salt."
  ,"I blew up my chemistry experiment. Oxidants happen."
  ,"I would make another Chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon."
  ,"The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out."
  ,"An electrician claimed that his truck was a volts wagon."
  ,"As the shoe said to the hat, \'You go on ahead, and I\'ll follow on foot\'."
  ,"Old doctors never die they just lose their patience."
  ,"If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don\'t yell out Hi Jack!"
  ,"I\'ve been to the dentist several times so I know the drill."
  ,"A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption."
  ,"I relish the fact that you\'ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me."
  ,"Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can\'t hit the high seas."
  ,"A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water. I thought he meant well."
  ,"When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder."
  ,"If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster."
  ,"He said I was average - but he was just being mean."
  ,"The raisin wined about how he couldn\'t achieve grapeness."
  ,"What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire."
  ,"I get my large circumference from too much pi."
  ,"A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering."
  ,"Let\'s talk about rights and lefts. You\'re right so I left."
  ,"To many girls the word \'marriage\' has a nice ring to it."
  ,"In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants."
  ,"Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living."
  ,"Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn\'t know how long the sentence would be!"
  ,"Stealing someone\'s coffee is called \'mugging\'."
  ,"He didn\'t tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed."
  ,"The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn\'t the sole owner - there were strings attached."
  ,"My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep. I knew I was destined for osteology. I could feel it in my bones."
  ,"Not being able to iron out all of his problems made the dry cleaner very depressed."
  ,"An electrician is a bright spark who knows what\'s watt."
  ,"Having intercourse in an elevator is wrong on so many levels."
  ,"When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on."
  ,"I couldn\'t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked."
  ,"I can\'t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
  ,"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera."
  ,"Thank god for nipples. Without them, boobs would be pointless."
  ,"To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!"
  ,"Menstruastion jokes aren\'t funny. Period."
  ,"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it."
  ,"I\'ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster."
  ,"I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn\'t matter none of them work."
  ,"Do ants get high on antacid?"
  ,"I pride myself in my ability to make big cat puns. It\'s my mane skill. I ain\'t lion!"
  ,"Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine."
  ,"I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn\'t find one."
  ,"I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off."
  ,"I don\'t think I need a spine. It\'s holding me back."
  ,"I planned to find my watch today, but I didn\'t have the time."
  ,"A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia."
  ,"Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them."
  ,"A no-fly zone prohibits zippers."
  ,"I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells."
  ,"Mooning is lunacy."
  ,"Make no bones about it but the ulna has a humerus side to it."
  ,"I couldn\'t stand to be without my legs."
  ,"Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels."
  ,"They won\'t know who robbed the Scotch factory until they check the tape."
  ,"I got a small ticket for speeding. It\'s fine with me."
  ,"How did Mister Nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall."
  ,"I\'d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn\'t get a reaction."
  ,"The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester."
  ,"If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor."
  ,"I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn\'t have an ending!"
  ,"The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material."
  ,"The movie about the mobile home was advertised with a trailer."
  ,"Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener."
  ,"I\'ve always pictured myself taking selfies."
  ,"I had a hand in the puppet show."
  ,"I\'m reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it."
  ,"I had plans to begin reading a book about sinkholes but they fell through."
  ,"I went to the theatre, it looked a bit suspicious. I reckon the whole thing was staged."
  ,"The electrician worked hard to get in shape so he could perform with Circuit Soleil."
  ,"I went to the dentist without lunch, and he gave me a plate."
  ,"No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation."
  ,"Contemplating my imminent root canal procedure was deeply unnerving."
  ,"My cavity wasn\'t fixed by my regular dentist, but by a guy who was filling in."
  ,"I got my job at the dentist\'s office by word of mouth."
  ,"That\'s a cool chair. Yeah, I know, it rocks."
  ,"What did the mama tire and the papa tire name their baby girl tire? Michelle Lynn."
  ,"The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in."
  ,"Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn\'t resistor."
  ,"If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian."
  ,"I shouldn\'t have plugged my iPhone into the PC at the kitchen. It\'s now in the sync."
  ,"Trust your calculator. It\'s something to count on."
  ,"The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID."
  ,"He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz."
  ,"Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely!"
  ,"Yesterday I was on the computer, I couldn\'t find the Esc and I lost Ctrl."
  ,"The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse."
  ,"I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot."
  ,"I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet."
  ,"My computer is so slow it hertz."
  ,"Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box."
  ,"My job at the concrete plant seems to get harder and harder."
  ,"Pencil sharpeners have a tough life - they live off tips."
  ,"How do construction workers party? They raise the roof."
  ,"A butcher was trying so hard to be funny, but he just wasn\'t making the cut."
  ,"People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters."
  ,"The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance."
  ,"How could I trust the ceiling fan installer when I knew he was always screwing up."
  ,"What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin."
  ,"Dissatisfied with the lack of thoroughness in the demolition of the old tavern, he got into the bulldozer himself and razed the bar to a new level."
  ,"\'I am presently employed\', said the gift wrapper."
  ,"Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations."
  ,"The carpenter came round the other day, he made the best entrance I have ever seen."
  ,"The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn\'t get intuit."
  ,"A pyrotechnician should know how fireworks."
  ,"Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I\'m excited to see how they turn out."
  ,"There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal."
  ,"Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed."
  ,"The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand."
  ,"Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents."
  ,"There was a shootout in The Gap. There were many casual-tees."
  ,"The liquor store advertised, \'We De-Liver.\'"
  ,"At a pet store: \'buy one dog, get one flea\'."
  ,"You know prices are rising when you buy a winter jacket and even down is up."
  ,"A man walked into a chimney store and asked \'How much for this one?\'. The salesman replied \'It\'s on the house.\'"
  ,"When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken."
  ,"Sign on a broken perfume bottle, \"Out of odor\"."
  ,"The price of shingles is going through the roof."
  ,"One of these new shoes isn\'t right."
  ,"I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me."
  ,"I\'m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me."
  ,"A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no."
  ,"My son\'s spelling test consisted of synonyms of the word incorrect. He was able to write every wrong."
  ,"My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling."
  ,"What did the triangle say to the circle? You\'re so pointless."
  ,"I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above."
  ,"I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions."
  ,"I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point."
  ,"In high school I recall having a beautiful but difficult math teacher. She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils!"
  ,"I wondered why my geometry class was always tired. They were all out of shape."
  ,"I\'ve failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count."
  ,"I didn\'t understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me."
  ,"The high school music teacher was quite controversial. He told his students to read band books."
  ,"After periodic doubts about his vocational calling, the young chemistry teacher concluded he was out of his element."
  ,"We\'re not getting anywhere in geometry class. It feels like we\'re going in circles."
  ,"The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago."
  ,"Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems."
  ,"After winter, the trees are relieved."
  ,"When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one."
  ,"When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees."
  ,"Mr. Mushroom could never understand why he wasn\'t looked on as a real fun guy."
  ,"If we canteloup lettuce marry!"
  ,"The farmer was surprised when his pumpkin won a blue ribbon at the State Fair. He shouted, \'Oh, my gourd.\'"
  ,"A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis."
  ,"Scarecrows are always garden their patch."
  ,"In some conifer forests, you can\'t cedar wood for the trees."
  ,"The research assistant couldn\'t experiment with plants because he hadn\'t botany."
  ,"The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road."
  ,"I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech\'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter \'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite\'."
  ,"England doesn\'t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool."
  ,"The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin."
  ,"Never make fun of a Scotsman\'s traditional garb. You could get kilt that way."
  ,"I would like to go to Holland one day, wooden shoe?"
  ,"If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia."
  ,"When I go to West Africa I\'m Ghana make sure Togo to Mali and then I can say I\'ve Benin Timbuktu."
  ,"Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient."
  ,"Did you know that donuts were first made in Greece?"
  ,"In a Scandinavian race the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line."
  ,"Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign."
  ,"While in Mexico, the chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way on the Juan Way street."
  ,"Goats in France are musical because they have french horns."
  ,"A practical Czech is considered to be Praguematic."
  ,"I used to like Russian dolls until I realised they were full of themselves!"
  ,"Things made in Australia are high koala-ty."
  ,"If you Russia round and Ukraine your neck don\'t Crimea river."
  ,"When asked by a passenger how high he would get, the pilot replied,\'I don\'t do drugs.\'"
  ,"The airlines have become so cash-strapped, they charged me for my emotional baggage."
  ,"Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience."
  ,"Did you hear about the pilot who always had work? He was great at landing a job."
  ,"During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors."
  ,"If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness."
  ,"An astronaut broke the law of gravity and got a suspended sentence."
  ,"Some planes are so cramped that passengers suffer jet leg."
  ,"The cost of the space program is astronomical."
  ,"One of the first things you\'ll notice at the Beijing airport is a whole lot of Chinese checkers."
  ,"Whiteboards are remarkable."
  ,"What are you when you\'re running in front of a car? Tired. What are you when you\'re running behind a car? Exhausted."
  ,"Where does Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies."
  ,"How does Hitler tie his shoesies? Into little knotsies."
  ,"What does a house wear? A dress."
  ,"I submitted ten jokes to a local newspaper that was giving away $100 for the best joke. Despite multiple efforts to win, no pun in ten did."
  ,"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!"
  ,"My leaf blower doesn\'t work; it sucks."
  ,"My vacuum doesn\'t work; it blows."
  ,"You don\'t suffer from peer pressure. There is no dock on your head."
  ,"Don\'t drink with ghosts, they can\'t handle their boos."
  ,"What the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to Planet."
  ,"What\'s the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag\'s a big plus."
  ,"What do you call a bad chemist? An Oxymoron."
  ,"Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it\'s too cheesy."
  ,"Do you want to hear a joke about a pencil? Nah it\'s pointless."
  ,"I\'m reading a book about anti-gravity. Its impossible to put down."
  ,"What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated."
  ,"Camping is intense."
  ,"Gouda, but I swiss I was cheddar."
  ,"How fast is milk? It\'s pasteurized before you know it."
  ,"Two tectonic plates run into each other. One of them says, \"Oh, my fault!\""
  ,"Which animal is best at playing poker? The bluffalo!"
  ,"My girlfriend found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof."
  ,"Why did the can-crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing."
  ,"I never saw The Fifth Element. I heard it was really boron."
  ,"As I straightened my beard in the mirror, I stopped to admire for a moment and said \"Man, this beard is really growing on me\"."
  ,"Panda enters a bar. He eats shoots and leaves."
  ,"How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi, I\'m ____."
  ,"When a grizzly hibernates is he bearly sleeping?"
  ,"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it."
  ,"I was seeing this girl who wanted to go to Chinatown on every date. Eventually I had to break up with her: she was too lo-mein-tenance."
  ,"Do you know which nationality makes the best puns? The Japunese. That\'s why they call it The Land of the rising pun."
  ,"When I was younger my hair was really wavy, but then I realized it was waving goodbye!"
  ,
  "What do you call a wave function describing different quantum states of multiple systems? The 'United' States!"
  ,"Why does heat have boring derivatives? Because dq=TdS, i.e.'tedius'! (where q is heat, T is temperature, and S is entropy)"
  ,"There are two kittens on the roof, which one slides off first? The one with the lower mew! (where \mu is the coefficient of friction)"
  ,"Where in the hospital is the worst place to play hide-and-seek? In the I.C.U."
  ,"Why are fruit flies cold? Because they have compound ice (compound eyes)"
  ,"Why are starfish cooler than humans? Because they have more ice/eyes (since they have one eye at the end of each arm, so typically five in total)"
  ,"Why does it stop raining after Christmas? Because the 'rain'-deers/reindeers are gone"
  ,"What is a cat's favorite way of holding a pen? Purr..pen-dicularly!"
  ,"What do you call a feline exihibition? Mew-seum!"
  ,"Why are puns usually terrible? Because they're meant to 'Pun'-ish people!"
  ,"What does a cat do to a glovebox? 'Purr..'ge!"
  ,"Once upon a time, there was an industrious otolaryngologist specializing in ear infection, so most people knew him as Mr. Ear. His job left him hardly any leisure. On New Year's Eve, however, I asked Mr. Ear to join me for a party at Mr. Hapi's. To my surprise and delight, he agreed to come along. We both showed up at the party, but Mr. Ear started talking to Mr. Hapi before I even introduced him. Then I came to realize --- Hapi knew Ear!"
  ,"There 'snow' more puns!"
  ,
  
  "The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant..which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop."
  ,"What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist? An etymologist knows the difference."
  ,"Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Do all of you want a drink?'.. The first logician says, 'I don’t know.' The second logician says, 'I don’t know.' The third logician says, 'Yes!'"
  ,"It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally."
  ,"René Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks if he wants anything. Descartes says, 'I think not', then disappears."
  ,"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't."
  ,"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits.”"
  ,"There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."
  ,"A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. 'In English,'' he said, 'a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative.. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.'' A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'"
  
  ];
  
  
  
  var getRand = function(min, max){
    return Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min + 1) + min);
  };
  
  $("#newPun").click(function(){
    var punValue = punArray[getRand(0, (punArray.length - 1))]
    $("#pun").html(punValue);
   
      console.log(getRand(0, punArray.length));
  });
  