PUTTING IT UP TO THE DOG
Reader Will Be Apt to Think Student
Really Did Not Desire
to Reform.
Frederick Van Heden. the Dutch
poet and economist, discussed pover
ty at a tea in New York.
“There is enough in the world for
"us all." said Mr. N an Kcden. “No
one would freeze, no one would starve
to death, if we really desired to be
just and fair.”
He smiled sadly.
“We sav we want r< form,” he
said. “Well, we want it about as
badly as a Dutch student I knew in
mv youth.
“This student's chum said to him:
“‘Look here. I'm tired of the life
I’ve been leading for the past two
years. I’m going to reform. This
morning I shall attend a lecture.’
“My student, a confirmed idler,
yawned, put down his pipe, and an
swered :
“ ‘Yes, it would he splendid to re
form. And yet the beer is very
good here this morning, isn't it?
I tell what we'll do. We’ll let
my dog Wilhelm decide whether we
reform or not.’
■‘‘Wilhelm decide'! Ilow will he
do it?’
“‘Oh. it is very simple. Well tell
the waiter to bring a piece of sau
sage. We’ll set the sausage before
‘W'lholm, and if he eats it we stav
where we are. If he doesn't, we re
form and go to lectures.’ ’’
N CKNAME FOR STATUE.
Nicknames, like greatness, arc
ihrust upon some men and some
statues, as would appear from the;
experience of George Gray Barnard's
marble, “The Great God Pan,*’ re
cently set up in the grounds of Co
lumbia university. The statue is of
heroic size and striking in concep
tion. Hut nothing of this is sug
gested by its popular sobriquet. Ask
the attendants to be directed to
“'1'he Great God Pan" and they stare
at you. The statue of the great god
of nature who blows his mute pipe
there on the Columbia green is
known from one end of the univer
sity to the other as plain Peter Pan.
TOO MANY FOR HIM.
I To turned with repulsion from
the breakfast eggs.
!,I am afraid I must go into
bankruptcy, after all,” he said.
“Hut. Hilary, the voting wife re
monstrated. "you decided only hist
night that you were sure to weather
the storm."
He pointed -despairingly at the
morning’s mail.
“1 know 1 did," he said, “but,
good gracious, here are four more
wedding invitations."
s—,
DOCTORS MISTAKES
/Ire said often to be buried six feet under
ground. But many times women call on
their family physicians, suffering, as they
Imagine, one from dyspepsia, another from
heart disease, another from liver or kid
ney disease, another from nervous pros
tration, another with pain here and there,
and in this way they present alike to
themselves and their easy-going or over
'husy tloctor, separate diseases, for which
he, Assuming them to be such, prescribes
his pills and potions. In reality, they are
all only xymptoma caused by some uterine
ttisease. The 'physician,'ignorant of the
cuuxc of suffermgVkveps uphiejreatment
until large bills are made. TAi^>uff^r'ng
patient gets no beUo\dyJt‘eaStHi^rfvthe
wrong treatment, hut probably w orsl\
t medicine like T)r. Putcc.'.s Fqviirj/
■nrnper medicine
Prptpnotion (Ii
$
_ irrrhid f" the rguxc W.e.-jJ
have Clfli|eIv r~'ino\ iM tile disease, tiiere
py CUspelling all those oistTessing symp
'toms, and instituting comfort instead of
"ft
prolonged misery, ft has been well said,
that "a disease known is half cured."
I)r. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription is a
scientific medicine, carefully devised by
an experienced and skillful physician,
fnd adapted to woman's delicate system,
t is made of nat ive American medicinal
roots and is perfectly harmless in jts
effects in iinu condition or ihc ternary
iusiim.
As a powerful invigorating tonic "Fa
vorite Prescription” imparts strength to
the whole system and to the organs dis
tinctly feminine in particular, for over
worked. "worn-out.” run-dow'n.” debili
tated teachers, milliners, dressmakers,
seamstresses, "shop-girls,” house-keepers,
nursing mothers, and feeble women gen
erally. Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription
Is the greatest earthly boon, being un
equaled as an appetizing cordial and re
storative. tonic.
As a soothing and strengthening nerv
ine "Favorite Prescription” is uncoualcd
and is invaluable in allaying and sub
duing nervous excitability, irritability,
nervous exhaustion, nervous prostration,
neuralgia, hysteria, spasms, St. Vitus s
dance, and other distressing, nervous
symptom? commonly attendant upoa
functional and organic disease of the
uterus, it induces refreshing sleep and
relieves mental anxiety and despondency.
Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets invigorate
the stomach, liver and bowels. One to
three a dose. Easy to take as candy.
SAW THE FIRE EXTINGUISHED
Presence of Mind That Preventec
Panic and Loss of Life
in Opera House.
A case of coolness and nerve that
averted a panic is reported from
I owamla, I’a. “Keep up that cur
tain; we want to see von put the
•ire out, cried a stentorian voice in
the gallery of Hale's opera housi
when at a performance some scenerc
caught fire. The order from tin
gallery prevented a panic, for the au
dience of over tiOO was on its feet
and women were trying to force
their way out, screaming “Fire!” A
blaze started in the scenery in the
loft during the second act, and a
stage hand, to prevent it spreading,
threw the burning mass on to the
stage. Scores were ready to rush
for the exits when the command to
keep the curtain up came from the
gallery. Others took up the cry.
There was a laugh, some applause
and the curtain was again raised.
Then the audience sat watching the
actors and stage hands put out the
lire. After the stage was cleared
the play was resumed.
WHERE HE BALKED.
All was over. then, between thorn.
“Miss Hoskins—Helen." said the
young man. “though you have
spurned my love, I shall always re
gard you as the suhlimest type of
womanhood I have ever encountered.
Would that I could prove my devo
tion to you. Tell me. Helen, ere we
part forever, is there not something,
some little thing, that I can do for
you ?”
“Yes. there is, Mr. Miller,” the
beautiful girl answered, calmly.
“Please tell all our mutual trends
that you have slopped coming to see
me because I rejected vour propos
al. That will save me a great many
1 emharrassmg explanations.”
VIVISECTION STATISTICS.
Here are some vivisection facts
that may be of interest. It is esti
mated that there are (55,000 phvsi
cians in this eountrv, of whom fewer
than 500 practice vivisection. There
have been, it is said, between three
and four hundred vivisection experi
ments carried on within the year in
this country. According to the tig
ures quoted for this country—which
were furnished this department
from a pro-vivisect ion source—our
activities in this cruel business are
between seven and nine times great
er than those of our Knglish cous
ins.—Vogue.
MISUNDERSTOOD.
“Shall wo try •'rafting?” asko<l
the doctor of his colleague.
“Do you think ho could stand it?”
was the whispered response.
“Mold on there.” said the patient,
forgetting his hums. "Perhaps I
could stand it hut I won't. I'm readv
to pay a reasonable fee, hut that’s
the limit."
Of course, they had to explain
that theirs was not the ordinary skin
game.
SPELLING BEE REVIVED.
_J
While their more intellectual sis
ter- oi St. Louis are delving into the
mysteries of skat, Chicago society
women have revived the spelling
bee. Some of the invitations have
been sent out scratched on tin plates.
Why anyone should learn to spell in
the present unsettled condition of
orthography passes comprehension,
but no doubt Chicago justifies itself.
THE BARNYARD JOKE.
First lieu — Mrs. Cackle’s at
tempt to raise a brood hen was an
awful frost.
Second lien—What was the mat
ter ?
First Hen.-Oh. that fool woman
gave her cold storage eggs to sit on j
and she couldn’t thaw them out.—
Detroit Free Press.
IJ SOUNDED RIGHT.
Teacher—Who can complete thi
sentence: “He went from bad to—
Wilfred (who has been abroad
with his parents) — Baden-Baden.
REPLY ENDED THE ARGUMENT
Sailor’s Logical Reason for Insisting
Priest Should Be Recognized
I
as Authority.
Father Collins, the well loved
priest of St. Agnes' parish, delights
in a joke, especially if it he on him
self, says the San Francisco l all. He
tells with nianv a chuckle of an ar
j gument of several sailors that he
overheard in the aviarv in (Jolden
Cate park.
I hev were debating as to the
j family connections of a certain bird.
! fhie said that it was a skylark and
: the others insisted that it was not.
hinally the tirst sailor walked over
to Father Collins and asked his
opinion.
Father Collins said that the bird
was undoubtedly a skvlark. The sail
or went hack to hjs companions,
elated over his triumph.
‘ Didn t I tell von so?" he said.
“ 1 he holy father savs it's a skylark."
“Maybe," said one of the others,
not yet ready to yield, “he doesn't
know any more about it than we do.’
“ I lit* deuce lie doesn't!“ exclaimed
the first. “Ain't lie a sky pilot
int VOGUE OF ABSOLUTELY.
In artistic circles at the present
time, in fact, among all people in
New \ ork who go in for esthetics
of all forms there is one word that
has the call in all conversations and
monologues. The word is ‘‘absolute
ly. W here one used to hear a paint
ing. a piece of sculpture or a stained
glass window described as a very
“swell ' thing, nowadays the com
ment will be worded : “It’s absolute
ly all right." And ecstatic young la
dies and gentlemen no longer sav
a thing is “perfectly grand.” They
phrase it, “absolutely perfect.*’ To
be in the know one must put great
! stress on the word, pronouncing each
; syllable with the utmost nicety.
VERY INCOMPLETE.
“So you regard spelling reform as
a failure?’’
“A complete failure. It content
ed itself with little words like ‘thru’
and ‘tho’ and left the post office di
rectory full of names that nobody
can spell or pronounce.”
A GOOD LISTENER.
“Oh, yes, .Mr. Meekton and Miss
tJabbie are very fond of each other.”
“W hy. I heard hi* didn’t speak to
her at all.”
“That’s just why she likes him.
He doesn’t attempt to get a word
in edgewise.”—Philadelphia Press.
WHY HE HURRIED.
A scum—How on earth did you
“\er get a messenger boy to deliver
your note and bring back the an
sw or so (piick ?
Wise—1 took his dime novel awnv
from him and held it as security.
— •Philadelphia Press.
%.tVVVVVftvvtvvttfftvtw
spent at home reacts in its benefits
with unceasing general profit.
Sent out of town it’s life is ended.
Kept with the home merchants it is a messenger of continuous
benefit. Business men should awake to the importance of keeping
this dollar at home and make a bid for it by judicious advertising.
-A Dollar
CONDENSES SOLOMON.
William denningtvJlryan has triei
hi- hand at condensing one of the
proverbs of Solomon. In a speech
before the legislature of Oklahoma
he said :
“One proverb I have often quoted is
‘The wise man fbreseclh the evil and
hideth himself, but the foolish pas
on and are punished. It is a great
truth, and beautifully expressed, hut
I found it did not stick in people s
minds, and so I condensed it. and
it is the only effort I have ever
made to improve upon a proverb,
and this is not an improvement, it
is merely a condensation. It is not
as beautiful as Solomon’s proverb,
but it is more easily remembered.
It means the same thing in a con
densed form: 'The wise man gets
the idea into bis head; the foolish
man gets it in the neck.”—Colum
bia State.
HIS ATTORNEY.
\ man arrested for murder was
assigned a shyster whose crude ap
pearance caused the unfortunate
prisoner to ask the judge:
“Is this my lawyer?”
“Yes,” replied his honor.
“Is he going to defend me?”
“Ye-.”
“If he should die, could I have
another?”
“Yes.”
“Can I see him alone in the back
room for a few minutes?"—Short
Stories.
A PLEA FOR SUFFRAGE.
The bov without a playground is
like the man without a job, said
Jane Addanis recently—in a posi
tion dangerous to himself and oth
ers. Women are greatly interested
in the legislation that affects work
ing people, she says. and. having tin
interests of children and of the poor
at heart, they know hotter what theii
needs may he than men who havt
naturally given less thought to the
subject.
DECLINED IN REBUTTAL.
Authoress (of the budding varie
ty)- I got level with the editor last
night, lie always rejects my manu
scripts. But I have had my revenge.
Friend- How did you do it?
Authoress—I declined Ids son.
with thanks.—Tit-Bits.
HIS TIME HAD COME.
Tn trying to escape a coiled snake
ready to strike. Joieph Duncan, aged
80, sprang and plunged headlong
over a 700-foot precipice to his
death near Visalia, Cal. He was u
pioneer antedating the '40-era.
If you are a business man,
did you ever think of the field
of opportunity that advertis
ing opens to you? There is
almost no limit to the possi
bilities of your business if you
studv how to turn trade into
vour store. If you are not get
ting vour share of the business
of vour community there’s a
reason. People go where they
are attracted — where they
know what they can get and
how much it is sold for. If
you make direct statements in
vour advertising see to it that
you are able to fulfill every
promise vou make. You will
add to your business reputa
tion and hold your customers.
It will not cost as much to run
vour ad in this paper as you
think. It is the persistent ad
vertiser who gets there. Have
something in the paper every
issue, no matter how small.
We will be pleased to quote
you our advertising rates, par
ticularly on the year’s busi
ness.
THE REV. IRL R. HICKS
Almanac and Magazine
Should be in
every home in
| the land. His
weather predic
tionscanbehad
only in his own
publics ti on s.
No other publisher is permitted to
printthem in any form, either with or
without credit. His 1908 Almanac ex
cels all former editions in beauty and
value, and sells for35cents, postpaid.
His monthly magazine, Word and
Works, contains his weather fore
casts for each month, together with a
vast amount of the best family reading
and costs $1. a year, one almanac with
: each subscription. Every earthquake
and serious storm for 20 years has
been predicted by Prof. Hicks. * Yoa
camiot afford to be w ithout these pub
lications.* Address all orders to
THE JOURNAL
Newark, : : Arkansas
There’s a Way
To defeat the mail order man’s cut
throat methods in this community.
The way is publicity for your busines*
it’s the same way be uses. Ous
columns will give your business the
pi-Vlicity you need.
Sw&MPINE—is a Laxative
Gompound guaranteed to cure
Ghills, BadGoldsand LaGrippe
FARM FOR SALE
Good farm of l'io acres near High
Rock, 11 miles north of Batesville, 75
acres in cultivation 25 acres of which
is fine creek bottom land which grows
<•> bushels of corn per acre. Good
frame dwelling with two tenant houses.
Two orchards with an abundant varie
ty of fruits. Good oak, hickory and
cedar timber on land not in cultiva
tion. Fine water, both well and spring,
with fine creek running through farm.
Good mill-site on farm. Fine cave
near dwelling where 1(),000 pushels of
vegetables may be kept the year round.
( onvenient to school and church.
Will l)e sold cheap and on easy terms.
Henderson Real Estate Go., Newark,
Ark.
Good small residence for rent. Ap
ply to Henderson Real Estate Go.
1 ARE YOU DROWSY? 1
That tired, lazy, indifferent feeling may be a
sign of Weakness! It is one of the first
symptoms of Kidney Trouble. BEWARE!
DR. NOTTS
MELON-SEED KIDNEY and BLADDER
REMEDY
Is the only certain cure for Kidney and Blad
der troubles
lake it in time. If you delay you may wait too
long, and then there can be but one outcome
MELON SLED is recommended by thousands who know
by experience its great and lasting benefits to suffer
ers from that horror of horrors—Kidney Trouble
FOR SALE BY
| J. I. STURDIVANT |
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