ONCE REGIMENTAL MASCOT.
Cornelius D. Vargas was nomi
nated by President Harding and
confirmed by the senate to be post
master at Guayama, Porto Rico,
and incidentally there came to light
a bit of romance that harks back
to the days of the. Spanish-Ameri
can war. At that time the Fourth
Ohio infantry was stationed in Por
to Rico. Vargas was adopted as a
mascot and when the troops re
turned he was taken to Ohio. While
a member of the Ohio state senate,
President Harding introduced a
resolution by which state funds
were appropriated for his education.
When this was completed Vargas
obtained a position in the Columbus
postoffice. Through the years Var
gas had an ambition to go back to
his home town as postmaster.
Knowing that, President Harding
fulfilled the w'ish.—The Argonaut.
“HEALTH TRAINS."
In the interests of child welfare
it is expected that “health trains”
will be introduced in Canada this
summer. Such a train will consist
of two cars which will be fitted as
a traveling clinic with a staff of
nurses and a physician in charge.
The cars will carry special “health
movies,” a series of charts will be
exhibited and talks on food and
care of their children will be given
to the mothers in every hamlet on
the route. The cars will be backed
on to a siding in the towns where it
is planned to make a stop. The
idea is not a new one, but has been
successfully carried out in New
York state.
WHO’D STRIKE A CRIPPLE?
“Do you realize that the motorist
you are shaking your fist at is a
champion pugilist?”
“I didn’t notice his size,” said the
lodestrian who was brushing the
► lust off his clothes and indulging in
j'ghteous wrath.
“What would you do if he were to
turn around and come back here to
accept your challenge?”
“I’d develop a worse limp than I
have now.”—Birmingham Age-Her
ald.
Weak
"After the birth of my
baby I had a back-set,”
writes Mrs. Mattie Cross
white, of Glade Spring,
Va. “1 was very 111;
thought I was going to
die. I was so weak I
couldn’t raise my head to
get a drink of water. I
took . . . medicine, yet I
didn’t get any better. 1
was constipated and very
weak, getting worse and
worse. IsentforCardui.”
TAKE
The Womans Tonic
“I found after one bot
tle of Cardui 1 was im
proving,” adds Mrs.
Crosswhite. “Six bot
tles of Cardui and ... I
was cured, yes, I can say
they were a God-send to
me. I believe I would
have died, had it not been
for Cardui.” Cardui has
been found beneficial in
many thousands of other
cases of womanly trou
bles. If you feel the need
of a godd, strengthen
ing tonic, why not try
Cardui ? It may be just
what you need.
AU
When Mi'. Bowser reached tils office
! ten minutes ahead of time the other
morning lie found Theopulus, the office
boy, making an examination of one of
the drawers of tiis desk. Twice before
lie had caught the hoy at it, and took
him by tiie collar and shook him, and
said:
“You young rascal you! If I ever
catch you at this again, I will break
your neck!”
On tills occasion Mr. Bowser
smiled a fatherly smile and kindly
said:
“Theopulus, you are arranging my
papers. You are a good boy to put
in your extra time that way. I do
not think I quite appreciated you in
the pust, but I shall in the future.
Here is u half-dollar for your extra
time and I shall raise your wages next
week. I surely have a prize in you!”
“But—but—but—" stammered Tbeop
ulus, more taken aback than as if he
had received a cuff on the ear.
“Oil, I want no thanks,” said Mr.
Bowser. “I see a good boy when I
see you. Should any other offices in
this building offer you four times what
I am paying you, let me know, and I
will give you more than they will. It
seems to me that you look tired and
exhausted. I do not wish to overwork
you. Take the morning paper and sit
down and read for a couple of hours.”
The look of amazement on the hoy’s
face was a study. He tried to say
something, but no words would come.
He finally backed out of the room and
went down the hall, to where a chum
of his was sitting on the window sill.
“Say,” he whispered to the boy,
“my old boss has become dangerous!”
“How, dangerous?”
“Why, he got here ahead of time
this morning and lie caught me looking
through Ids desk.”
“And lie knocked one of your ears
off? I thought I heard you yell out.
Let me see.”
“No, he never touched me. He just
smiled end called me a good boy, and
gave me a half-dollar and said he was
going to raise my wages next week.
That's how dangerous he is. Wouldn’t
you call that crhzy?”
"Of course I would!” replied the
boy. "You hadn't better be in there
alone, or he may rattle you. That’s
the way with some lunatics. They
talk mighty soft to anyone, for a spell,
and then turn around and grab them
by the throat. Hadn’t we better get
a cop?"
“I guess not, but you better tell
your boss not to go In there. We
don’t want an? bloody tragedies up
here.”
“Does lie grate Ills teeth?”
“I didn’t notice.”
"Does lie roll bis eyes around?”
“Maybe lie did but I wasn’t looking.”
“Didn’t you see any froth on his
mouth?”
"I don’t remember.”
“Y’ou should look out for such
things, because you are a poor, help
less boy and don’t want to be mur
dered. When you go back to his room,
lie prepared to spring away and save
1
MR. BOWSER’S
OFFICE BOY
He Thinks Mr. Bowser Is
Crazy.
<(§), 1921, by McClure Newspaper Syndicate.)
r
“I Shall Raise Your Wages Nejct
Week.”
i
your life, If lie makes the least mo
tion. If he keeps smiling, It’s a pret
ty sure sign that lie Is going mad."
Thus It became known In three or
four ojflces, that Mr, Bowser was act
ing queerl.v, ami three or four men
mode excuses to call on him and talk
more or less. None of them found
him very strange, hut he was unus
ually poilte and lie talked about the
Peace League in a way to surprise
them. An they came out info the hall,
one said to the other:
“I don’t think he’s going era/.y, but
he is so polite and dignified that I
can't quite make him out. I never
saw such a fatherly smile on his face
before."
“No. nor I, either. Hadn’t we Ought
to try to get him to send for a doc
tor?"
“No, not yet. He might teel hurt
about it.”
A little later a tailor came up with
a bill and he asked of Theopulus if
Mr. Bowser was In his room. Tlieopu
lus saw a chance for some fun. If Mr. 1
Bowser half killed that tailor It would
he 0 great amusement, and so he said:
"Yea t»e’* right In and will be glad
to ret J*oa Ho Is prompt pay, and
If he owes you anything he will pay
it.”
The tailor was ushered In. Mr.
Bowser swung around and smiled at
him and said :
“Ah, I was wondering why you
didn’t come. Two weeks ago I called
nt your shop with a pair of pants to be
cleaned and pressed. You said the
work would cost me half a dollar and
thut 1 was to call two days later. I
called, but you were not In. Your boy
permitted me to tnke my pants home
and said you would come with the bill.
You are here. Here Is your money. I
am very sorry If I have put you to any
inconvenience. Some folks seem to
think that tailors have no feelings, but'
I am not of that number. You have
feelings, the same as the President of
the United States, and I take you by
the hand and wish you all happiness
and prosperity.”
“Yes, sir," replied the tailor, tim
idly offering his hand. “I Just called,
you know—”
“Yes, I know. You called for your
money, as any gentleman should, and
here It Is. I must tell you that I am
satisfied with pK>ur work. You cleaned
and pressed my pants In a noble man
ner. I doubt If there is a senator in
Washington who could do the Job as
well. Keep right on, tailor, and you
will arrive at the zenith of prosperity.
_ ■ ■■ —. —*-i
“Wish You All Happiness and
Prosperity."
Should It ever hnppen that you were In
want of $5, come to me, and I will lend
It to you. Good-by, tailor, adieu to
you.”
When the tailor came out Into the
hall, Theopulus looked him over care
fully, to see if he hud any mortal
wound, and then said to himself:
“Well, 1 never! I thought all of
Bowser’s room would be spattered
with blood, and here 1 shall not find
a single drop. Those men may say
all they want to, but he Is crazy, If
ever u man was!”
When Mr. Bowser took the car for
home, the conductor was rather timid
about holding out Ills hand for the
fare. Several times Mr. Bowser had
used sarcastic words to him and he
wns afraid he might get more of them.
He didn’t, however. He was welcomed
with a smile and the words:
“So you are after my fare, are you?
Well, you have got a wearisome Job,
and I think you ought to be cheered
up. Here’s a quarter and you may keep
the change to buy candy for your chil
dren. You are a good, patient man,
and I am going to speak to the presi
dent of the company to promote you.”
The conductor blushed and then
went away. He could not quite make
out what wns coming, and it was with
a sigh of relief that he reached the
rear platform.
Mrs. Bowser noticed a change the
moment Mr. Bowser stepped Into the
hall of Ms house. She noticed It at
the dinner table, and she noticed it
when they returned to the sitting
room. She was as puzzled as Theopu
lus, but she kept her thoughts to her
self.
When Mr. Bowser fell asleep, she
rose up and took a long look at him.
The smile was still there and she
sighed in despair, as the drowsiness
of sleep came over her. What did It
all mean? Was there going to be a
new Mr. Bowser?
Grains of Sand Trip Justice.
In Raymond B. Fosdick’s endless
storehouse of material there are to be
found many cases of trivial technical
ity resulting In the failure of Ameri
can justice.
The setting aside of a murder ver
dict because the word “aforethought”
Is omitted after the word "malice;”
the freeing of a man convicted of as
sault with Intent to kill because the
copying clerk omitted the letter "1” in
“malice;” excluding an indictment for
rape because it concluded “against the
peace and dignity of stnte” Instead of
“against the peace and dignity of the
slate;’’ the freeing of u horse thief be
cause the Indictment mentioned "W.
Virginia” Instead of West Virginia.”—
Horace Green In Leslie’s.
Ought to Include Worms.
“My dear,” said Mr. l’eckton, apolo
getically, “Just at this particular time
I think you ought to spare me the—
ahem—strictures that quite unfit me
to lead a normal happy existence.”
“Why, at this particular time more
than any other?”
“I notice In the paper that this Is
‘Be Kind to Animals' week.”—Birming
ham Age-Herald.
An Abused Boy.
Mother—Now, remember, Johnny,
there's a ghost In that dark closet
where I keep the cake.
Johnny—Funny you never blame the
ghost when there’s any cake missing;
U’s always me.—Boston Transcrlft.
SYMPATHY THAT WAS REAL
Youngster, Himself Often in Trouble,
Had a Fellow-Feeling for Prin
cipal in “Hot Water.”
The principal of the school had
said some things which angered
some of the board members, so he
was accordingly summoned before
that body. And of course word
went around the building from
teacher to teacher and pupil to pu
pil that the principal was to be
called “on the green carpet.”
Accordingly, the teachers and
the most favored pupils began to
express their indignation of the af
fair, and sympathy for the princi
pal, when along came the “black
sheep” of the building—the boy
who was weekly, and sometimes dai
ly, sent to the principal for his mis
demeanors. He gave the principal
the sort of look one pal in distress
gives to another, and said: “I sure
do feel sorry for you, and I want to
help you all I can. Now, whenever
I know I’ve got to go on the green
carpet I just go and eat a square
meal, and it makes me so satisfied
with the world and myself that no
one could hurt my feelings. Tf I
were you now I’d do exactly that
same thing.”—Indianapolis News.
Pioneer uog Building Restored.
An old log building, near Chehalis,
Wash., which housed one of the first
federal courts ever held In the Pacific
northwest, has been rehabilitated and
presented to the state. The building,
erected in 184r>, housed Gen. Phil Sher
idan and Gen. George 11. McClellaS
when they were in the northwest be
fore the Civil war and had to travel
between Fort Vancouver, on the Co
lumbia river, and Fort Steilacoon, on
Puget sound.
Prize Stock for Canada.
The prince o* Wales won most of
the prizes with his exhibits of Short
horn cattle and Shropshire sheep at
the agricultural show, held recently
In England. He declared his intentlou
of shipping some of these farm nrls
tocrats to his ranch in Alberto, Can
ada, where there Is already a fine
blooded aggregation.
Building in South.
A stretch of hard surfaced road in
the southern states, twenty-five miles
in length, was difficult to be found six
years ago, whereas at present there
are any number of hard surfaced roads
from twenty-five to 100 miles in length.
Acquire Road Trees.
The state highway commission in
California lias the authority to ac
quire roadside trees along Its high
ways.
Construction in India.
Highway construction is now mak
ing Important and extensive strides In
various cities In India.
FINDS FINE PEARL
Bill White of Powhatan,
houseboatman and fisherman,
found a pearl in Black River <
recently at the ferry crossing
at Powhatan, said to be the
largest, pearl ever found in
Arkansas. Its weight is 110
grains, and it is about the size
>f a small quail egg.
m
SONORA
The Highest Class Talk
ing Machine Made
All Styles and Sizes Kept in Stock
Latest Records Each Month
Newark Drug Co
t
ROYAL THEATRE