ONCE WU MET HIS MATCH.
Chinese Diplomat Outwitted by Ameri
can Railroad King.
The wily Wu Ting Fang, the min
ister from China, whose frank and
penetrating questionings have mads
him the joy of newspaper men and the
bane of the diplomat, for once met his
match in a brief encounter with E. H.
Harriman, the railroad magnate. Mr.
Wu opened on Mr. Harriman with this
naive inquiry:
"How did you get control of all these
railroads? What did you do?"
Mr. Harriman smiled and replied:
"I can answer you best by a story
about a prominent capitalist whom I
once met. He was summoned to court
as a witness and was being questioned
as to his personal affairs.
"What is your salary?’ asked the
court.
" 'Nothing,' was the unexpected an
swer.
" 'Well, what is your income from all
sources, then?' continued the court.
" Nothing.’ maintained the witness.
“ What, do you mean to say you
have no income whatever?’
“ ‘Yes.’
“ How much do you spend in a
year?’
“ ‘About $60,000 or so.’
“ ‘If you have no income, yet spend
$60,000 a year, how do you do it?’ was
the sharp rejoinder.
" ‘Ah,’ was thje response, ‘that is my
secret.’ ”—System.
DURING THE SHOPPING.
L
Maude—Men are getting so deceit
ful, you can't trust your best friend.
Percy —And what's worse, you can’t
get your best friend to trust you.
Might Look for Recovery.
The following was told of the pa
tient of a well-known New York phy
sician:
The patient, an elderly gentleman,
became quite ill while the doctor was
absent upon a vacation, the indisposi
tion being the result of too frequent
potations. A female nurse was at once
engaged to care for him in his hotel.
A lady, residing in the same hotel,
became aware of his illness, and in
terested herself to the extent of one
morning inquiring concerning his con
dition of the chambermaid.
"Shure, ma'am,'’ replied Maggie,
■‘an’ I think he do be getting along
very well. The nurse was sittin’ on
his lap this mornin’!”
For Thirty Years
"Inclosed find money order for one
dollar for which please send me its
worth in Simmons Liver Purifier, put
up in tin boxes. 1 have been using
the medicine for thirty years."
THOS. H. REILLY,
Jonesville, La.
No comments necessary.
Price 25c per box.
Different Destinations.
"Mollie,” he said, “I believe that if
you were in heaven you would ask the
angels if your hat was on straight.”
"Yes,” was the reply. “Just about
the time you'd be asking Satan to put
a little more brimstone in the ‘Hot
Scotch!’ ”
Nautical Error.
“I am sorry to hear, captain, that
your wife left you so unceremoni
ously.”
“My mistake, sir; I took her for a
mate and she proved to be a skipper.”
—Tit-Bits.
For Colds and Gripp—Capudine.
The best remedy for Gripp and Colds is
Hic ks’ Capudine. Relieves the aching and
feverishness. Cures the cold—Headaches
also. It's Liquid—Effects immediately—10,
25 and 50c at Drug Stores.
Couldn’t Explain.
“What is a 'tempest in a teapot,’
pa?”
“My child, you will have to ask your
mother; I never attend afternoon
teas.”_
Brooklyn, N. Y.
Address the Garfield Tea Co. as above
when writing for free samples of Garfield
Tea, the true remedy for constipation.
Fortunate is the woman who remem
| hers that frowns beget more wrinkles
J than smiles.
SwjF$s
cWxv^Sewva
Cleanses the System
EJJecXuaVYy;
Dispels colds and Headaches
dv\e\e Co\\sV\\>aV\ou:
Ads Tva\xmx\\y, ac\s\rvdy as
aLaxahvc.
Bed Jot WenWonvexi andCKdd
^exv—\(ouu^ and OXd.
To got VVs boneJxc'xoA ejects,
atways bxiv the GexuiYcve.
manufactured by tke
CALIFORNIA
Fig Syrup Co.
SOLD BY ALL LEADING DRUGGISTS
•'e 5«e only, regular price 50* per bottl*.
AVE the agriculturist and
the venerable scarecrow
reached the parting of
the ways?
Men who claim to
know say they have. The
farmer’s silent bluff
j against birds of the air
which prey upon vege
table life and beasts of lhe ground with in
clinations likewise, is doomed, it is declared.
Charged barbed wire fences, shotguns and special prep
arations of poison—the modern antidote for dumb sinners—
have come into being to such an extent that the scarecrow
has passed the period of usefulness in many sections.
Professional jokers and farmer., who employ electricity in
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their work are glad. Romancers, the
farmer possessed of perhaps only
SO to 100 acres, the city man, who
w^as wont to ask: “Why, that fellow
loafs all day long over that corn
field, ” the crows and the farmer's wife are sorry.
And they have reasons, too. The romancer who
mentally tore off yards and yards of poetry about the
pathetic plight of the guardian of the chicken coop
and oat crop, must wend his way about the plan
Ss/zr/z/si Mo (
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SPIRES T//E
j. poEt
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Road wmuy
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/aA Sartorial
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SCAPSCAOM
to say nothing of a pair of tan shoes and an
occasional posey in the left lapel of a light
gray overcoat, and you have a Holland scare
crow in holiday attire. Critics might declare
that this sort of a guardian of the
fields so little resembles the farmer
at work that the crows and
other enemies of the agricul
turist would perchance pluck the
flower from his buttonhole, but the
expert argues that the more uncom
9
iauo7i ot ms loumry cousins 111 constant tear ui
touching a live wire and he has no more such
lifelike themes for his alleged poetic ability.
The small farmer is sorry to see his brother
of larger worldly goods take a step forward by
proclaiming the scarecrow extinct.
The city man may no longer wonder at the art
of putting the sham together and his suggestions
about "giving it a touch of decoration" is positive
ly obsolete.
As for the crows. It is the duty of every
mother crow, as well as the father crow, to teach
its young that the scarecrow is the friend of all
crows. Hence, the silent friend of winter and
summer can no longer be perched upon by the
young crows in learning to fly, and the figure
which was intended to be the crows’ god of ill
omen, but which in the eyes of the datk-hued
minions of the air was an indication of the
whereabouts of edibles in the shape of corn, usu
ally, is to be swept into oblivion.
The farmer's wife hates to see the scarecrow
go because of pleasant associations. During the
long summer days while she is alone, the men
and boys being off in the fields, the silent stiff
armed policeman carries on a silent conversation
with her, and she has surprised city people by in
serting a corn husk in the scarecrow's upper left
hand pocket as a tribute to the vanity of the
Inanimate farmhand. Always absolutely safe to
talk to. never answering surlily, always silent
under the most scathing arraignment, is it any
wonder that the scarecrow will be missed by the
women lolks?
Thus a score of years may see it extinct. Amid
gnashing of teeth by the old-time agriculturist,
tears by fair conversationalists, caw-caws by
crows seeking the cause of the new vogue, mourn
ing by the city folks and others, the curtain is
to be drawn over this piteous individual.
The word scarecrow signifies its realm of use
fulness which is to scare crows, hawks, rabbits,
squirrels—in fact, most anything or being which
is liable to inflict grievous wrong upon Mr.
Farmer.
While the scarecrow itself may become extinct,
the art of making scarecrows will always live,
agricultural experts declare. The realistic scare
crow is a work of art. A touch of realism here
and there will often chase away tramps in the
summer time—near-sighted tramps especially.
The scarecrow is purely an American institu
tion, invented for the purpose of helping the
farmer protect his grains, but reversed by thieves
and made an ever-present food indicator. No
body knows who invented it and nobody cares
much. ,
One story which has found so much credence is
that told by a New England farmer, who remem
bers the times before the war. At that time he
knew a farm hand in Maine who was by natural
Instinct a shirker of work. His employer learned
this after the man had been in his employ three
hours. Seeing that he was practically useless in
general farm work, he set him to watching a prize
cornfield, hoping that-by this method he might util
ize the maa’s services and save his corn, for the
crows were hungry and there were lots of them.
For two days this suited the son of rest fine, for
he could lie down and doze, the mere sight of
bint scaring the crows for miles around.
The shirker, whose name cannot, be divulged
m
i
ut'caust* ui uu i iuai
his grandson is now
holder of a high office
at Portland, Me., dis
covered that the crows
flew away at the sight
of him and he soon
grew tired of his work.
So he rigged up a crude
imitationof a twentieth
century scarecrow and
put the invention to
work. Then he spent
his days snoozing un
der a tree in the apple
orchard, his employer
believing him still on
duty at the feeding
ground of the crows.
Since that time his idet
has been greatly im
proved. but then it was
the pinnacle of Yankee
ingenuity.
He tied two sticks
crosswise and simply
rested his tattered coat
over the device. This
scared the crows worse
AM{/PltiDAff SCMPCAOW H/nt flT7VICHM£/Vr
utiui ue niuiseii naci ana he was niucn
pleased. The adage reads: "Necessity is the
mother of invention.”, but in his case "That tired
feeling was the mother of the scarecrow.”
Every theatergoer remembers the "Wizard of Oz,”
since nicknamed the"Gizardof Was.” George Stone,
an old-time athlete of marked ability, capered about
as the scarecrow in that musical comedy and his
movements were typical ofthe "silent bluffer.” Stone
is double-jointed, and in his part resembled a scare
crow so much that the rirst part of the play, in which
he stands immovable and limp for a period of 18
minutes, it was often thought that he was a piece
of scenery, adjusted by the "property man.”
Stone was the first imitator of the scarecrow
and that show embodied the only character which
ever tried to look like the minion of the cornfield.
He was so limber that his twice-a-day stunt was
to fall down a staircase on his face, which he
did regularly, without denting the stairs.
Cal Holland, former Chicagoan, but to-day a
prosperous farmer, located three miles from Ben
'ton Harbor, Mich., is the one and only, first and
original scarecrow expert. His farm is a veritable
scarecrow convention. They stare at you from
the front yard, from back of the chicken run, from
the back door of the farmhouse and the fields
are dotted with them.
And Mr. Holland's scarecrows are some scare
crows. He has boy scarecrows, men scarecrows,
girl and women scareerowesses, the latter being
equipped with phonographic apparatus to make
them realistic. He is now working on a dog
scarecrow, which, when complete, will make the
brindle bull pups of the fiercest mien wind their
tails between their legs and trace their steps
tnithei.
Of local color in Mr. Holland's scarecrows, there
is no end. Imagine one equipped with a neatly
ironed pocket handkerchief, cigar stub in the
place generally supposed to contain its physiogno
my, a hat set rakishly on the left side of its head,
Mr. Holland's worn-out trousers neatly creased,
mon tne scarecrow ine Detier 11 scares, so we 11 iei
it go at that.
A woman front Chicago recently visited Mrs.
Holland and commented favorably upon the farm,
except for "those rubes in the back yard who are
continually staring at a person.”
Usually the agriculturist has use for every gar
ment. They are made over for the children and
the oldest son, as a rule, retreats into the father's
discards, at least while tioing the work about the
farm. When the clothes have passed the period of
usefulness, they are handed over to the silent, senti
nel. where the elements play with them until there
is little to remind the farmer of his ex-apparel.
That is, the elements play with them if the
knights of the side door Pullman don't happen up
on the scene and divest the scarecrow of its cloth
ing before storm and wind do.
There are dozens and dozens of farm stories
about invasions of hoboes and their art of ef
fecting stealthy clothing trades with the guards of
the cornfields, in which case the friends of the
crows always come off second best and far more
tattered.
in such cases it takes the scavengers of the air
some time to make the acquaintance of the re
vamped sentinel anew and thus t.he farmer is aided,
despite the fact that he and his dog hate the "bo.”
But the scarecrow is absolutely and positively
to make his final appearance soon, it is said, and
modern methods of saving the crops are taking
away one of the most picturesque features of the
American farm, the poets murmur.
Action of the Magnetic Needle.
The magnetic needle conies to rest pointing
north and south because the earth acts as if it
were a great magnet. A compass needle would
come to rest pointing lengthwise of a bar magnet
placed under the compass needle, just as it does
under the influence of the earth. For this reason
we think of the earth as a great magnet. The north
pole and the north star have no influence over the
compass need.e.
The 1909 Model.
Mistress—You are sure she was a
lady, this .caller who didn’t leave her
name?
Butler—Oh, yes, madam, a puffick
lady. ’Er fingers was cigarette-stained
and she smelt o’ gasoline very strong.
No man pretends that his soul finds
its supreme satisfaction in sell-sacri
fice; such an affectation would stamp
him as a coward and a weakling. Wom
en who yearn for self sacrifice are
merely underworked.
her
PHYSICIAN
ADVISED
Taking Lydia E. Pinkham’s
Vegetable Compound
Columbus, Ohio. — “I have taken
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com
pound during
change of life. My
doctor told ine it
was good, and since
taking it I feel so
much better that I
can dp all my work
again- I think
Lydia E. Pinkham’s
Vegetable Com
pound a tine remedy
for all woman’s
.troubles, and I
inever forget to tell
my friends what it has done for me.”
—Mrs. E. Hanson, 304 East Long St.,
Columbus, Ohio.
Another Woman Helped.
Graniteville, Vt. — ‘‘I was passing
through the Chancre of Lifeand suffered
from nervousness and other annoying
symptoms. Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege
table Compound restored myliealthaud
strength, and proved worth mountains
of gold to me. Eor the sake of other
suffering women I am willing you
should publish my letter.” — Mrs.
Charles Barclay,' It.F.D., Granite
ville, Vt.
Women who are passing through this
critical period or who are suffering
from any of those distressing ills pe
culiar to their sex should not lose sight
of the fact that for thirty years Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
which is made from roots and herbs,
has been the standard remedy for
female ills. In almost every commu
nity you will find women who have
been restored to health by Lydia E.
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REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
Western Canada
MORE BIG CROPS IN 1908
Another 60,000 set
tlers from the United
States. New dis
tricts opened for set
tlement. 320 acres
ofland to each set
t le r,— 160 free
homestead and 160 at $3.00 per acre.
A vast rich country and a contented pros
perous people."—Extract .trout correspondence
of a National Editor, so hose visit to Western
Canada, in August, 100S. was an inspiration.
Many have paid the entire cost of their
farms and had a balance of from $10.00 to
$20.00 per acre as a result of one crop.
Spring wheat, winter wheat, oats, barley,
flax and peas are the principal crops, while
the wild grasses bring to perfection the
best cattle that have ever been sold on
the Chicago market.
Splendid climate, schools and churches
in all localities. Railways touch most of
the settled districts, and prices for produce
are always good. Lands may also be pur
chased from railway and land companies.
For pannphlets, maps and information re
garding low railway rates, apply to Superin
tendent of Immigration, Ottawa, Canada, or
the authorized Canadian Government Agent:
J. S. CRAWFORD,
>#. 125 W. Ninth Street. Keneas City, MiseonrL
CARTERS
■ iTTLE
IVER
PILLS.
Wanted At Once-A Man
TO Maks $100 Par Month Abova Expan***
innfl MTN ARE NOW MAKING BIG MONEY with
I U JU mtn o>ir Medicines, Extracts, Spices, Soaps,
Perfumes, Toilet Articles, Stor k and Poultry Preparations.
Polishes, etc. We are one of the largest importers and
manufacturers in the U. S. Our capital and surplus is
One Million Dollars. We make over 60 products, all guar
anteed. Our factories have over 3 acres of floor space,
mi* ajftisi tas a a|T on® nian in each unoccupied
nt ™UVw W All I locality to take full charge of
all deliveries to farmers and others from a wagon similar
to the above; in short, a man able to take full charge of
everything pertaining to our business in his district. Not
every man can fill this position nor can wo afford to con
tract with one who is t<>o extravagant or too old or too
young. Wo want to hear from men who have been fairly
successful—hoi^est. industrious men who will bo satisfied
to make not less than
$100 Per Month Clear Profit
above expenses the first year, $1800 the second year, and
$2400 the third year.
If you are fairly well acquainted in your locality and
you think you can fill the position, lose no time in writing
us for full particulars as we are now rapidly filling all
vacant territory. We do not want to hear from men under
21 or over 50 years of age. colored people, or women To
get this position a man must be able to furnish 1 or 2
horses to conduct the business, also good business men as
references. If you cannot meet these requirements do not
write; if yon can meet them, write us; you are the man we
a.v looking for. The position pays big is honorable and
permanent.
W. r. RAWLEIGH CO. 6 Liberty St. FrMpwi.llt.