Tiberius Smith
The Brain Tangle at Tanker’s Mills.
By HUGH PENDEXTER
(Copyright, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
Traveling leisurely from the far |
west to New York Tib and I had left
the autocratic porter and his vesti
buled home at Beanville—I won't
name the state—in an idle quest for |
tourmalines and amethysts, often
found in that locality. A horse dealer
had told us of the place, and Tib im
mediately took a fancy to loiter about
a few days. It was while at Bean
ville that we heard of Tanker's Mills,
12 miles back in the mountains, it
was connected with the outside world
largely by heart-throbs, for the rough I
country road evidently was construct- !
ed while the workmen were entertain- !
ing the delirium tremens.
“It seems that at the close of the
civil war the only insane asylum in
the state burned down, and that a
score of the inmates in escaping the j
flames wuindered up to Tanker’s and !
took possession of a few deserted i
cabins. As the commonwealth was
bedridden with debt, and as the little j
colony was quiet and gave no trouble
the authorities decided to leave it j
alone to market its own garden sass. j
In the settlement were several men of |
unusual culture, perfectly ratioual ex
cept on some one subject, and as they j
controlled the weaker-minded and j
more perfectly crazy inhabitants, the ;
taxpayers were glad to be rid of the !
whole outfit. As the years passed, the
colony grew, and the individual
streaks of non compos were relegated j
to and merged in a general plane of j
oddity. It became the custom when j
a man or woman got daffy to take I
them up there to board. The ruined j
shacks had given place to neat frame
houses, and the queer people took the
best of care of any sufferers from the
outside world and often sent them
back cured. Funny graft, eh? Tib
said it was a case of similia similibus
curantur. And. mind you, those peo
ple weren't rank crazy. They averaged
enough rationality to prosper and to
care for an occasionally violent voter.
But they were peculiar, eccentric, and
of course every little while some one
would get to telephoning to himself
and cutting up didoes.
"Well, when Tib heard of the settle
ment the scenario appealed to him.
and naught would do but we hire bicy
cles and wheel up for a visit.
“ ‘We are all batty on some one sub
ject.’ he declared to me. ‘I’m sane
until it comes to shows. Another Is
evenly balanced until it comes to
north poles, and so it goes. I’Jl bet
these simple folk are more rational
than the average alderman.’
"To cut across lots, we came to
Tanker's at nightfall, and saw from
the brow of a hill a scattering settle
ment of white houses. As we entered
the main street we observed a grocery
store, a blacksmith shop and a small
hall. And what surprised us was the
busy-bee activity of a crowd of men
bunched in front of the village
smithy's place of business.
“ ‘What's doing, fair and merry
sirs?' accosted Tib, cheerily, in his old
free-and-easy way, as we pedaled up to
the gang.
"Instantly they turned, and an old
man with a Chris Kringle beard start
ed back as though faced by a hooded
cobra, and with one dramatic, lean
finger pointed at us. cried, ‘By my
faith! he has come! It is he!’
“‘Odd bodkins, put him to death!’
cheerfully advised an urchin, who im
pressed my startled gaze as being IS
feet in height.
“'Odd Hooligans!’ cried Tib. ‘And
why?’
"Well, si* the old man threw back
his head and pealed out a laugh that
Founded about as mellow as a rusty
buzz-saw eating a rock-maple knot,
and as he chortled in unseemly glee
he ejaculated, ‘Walked into the trap!
Stap my vitals, and had he called on
me at St. James, or Whitehall, I had
not been more surprised.'
"From his tone I realized, sir, that
we were about as popular with them
as a safety deposit vault full of scar
let fever germs. Tib was impressed
after the same fashion, for he whis
pered to me:
“ ‘What's up, Billy? Have we struck
them at the harvest time of lunacy?
Their speech savors of ye olden time
and good Queen Bess, sith it please
ye.' Then he asked aloud, 'Kindly
identify us. reverend sir, and then
yourselves.’
“ ‘Monmouth, thou wert ever a
false-hearted knave, but prithee, didst
think to dull my royal eyes by that
disguise?’ demanded the ringleader of
the mental aberrations in his shrill
voice.
" 'Nay, sire,’ denied Tib, looking
back only to behold ail escape cut off.
‘And you are—?'
“‘Your uncle, sirrah. King James!’
was the stern response.
“‘Strike me purple, Billy!’ whis
pered Tib, ‘but we are invaders, and
if 1 recall my history rightly, Mr.
Monmouth lost his head.’
“ ‘No plotting with your emissary,’
warned James. ‘We know him, and i'
faith, but Argyle, though he be an
earl, shall kiss the same block. Nay,
ye both have lost such royal preroga
tive and shall grace a common gib
bet.’
“ ‘I say, old chap, this is getting
tiresome,’ I murmured to Tib. ‘Tell
em I’m plain Billy Campbell and a
stanch supporter of the throne.’
“‘A Campbell!’ shrieked King
James. ‘Ay, smite me bleeding, but
I know the foul Scottish brood! But
Argyle or Campbell, ye shall hang and
change from the quick to the dead
more readily than ever ye shifted
aliases.’
" ‘Probably some one has opened a
quart bottle of pleasuroid,’ murmured
Tib, ‘and they are unduly excited for
the minute. Anyway, if they are going
to behave like this, I don't care how
soon we desert them. I feel like an
historical romance.’
“But, sir, the minute we tried to
turn we were surrounded. And what
do you suppose those oddities were
armed with? Pikes, sir, pikes! And
that was what the smithy was busy
turning out. As a rule, Tib’s air of
confidence would incite a cowardly
pug dog to throw rocks at an elephant,
but he was a bit puzzled over this situ
ation. We’d met lots of heathens and
irresponsible persons in our day, but
once you realized their status you
could dope out their susceptibilities
and comprehend the logical trend of
their intentions. But a score of incom
petents might glide from one person
ality to another at any second and
pluck us from one epoch only to plant
us in another, and in every event
would probably insist that we hold
the most onery cards and be soundly
spanked.
“ ‘It's no use, Earl of Argyle, to
dodge our identity,' remarked Tib to
me, gravely. Then to the king, ‘Yes,
I am Monmouth, your dutiful nephew,
come all the way from Brabant to kiss
your august hand.’
“The crowd of peasants jeered at
this admission, and one stalwart rogue
seemed determined to explore our
physical systems with his long prod
der. Nay, nay,' prohibited the king.
Their seeming frankness shall avail
them naught, but retribution must
overtake them in an orderly manner.
My Lord Chief Justice Jeffreys shall
try them. In the meantime lay them
in the tower witli the spy who was
captured three days ago.’
"We were enamored with even this
respite, for Tib declared it was an ill
omen to be slaughtered in front of a
prosaic blacksmith's shop, and, sur
rounded by the pikemen, we were
dragged to the little town hall and
thrust inside. ‘Hello, spy, where are
you?’ demanded Tib, sparring neatly
to ward off any possible attack, as he
endeavored to peer through the dark
ness.
" ‘I say, fellers. I'll admit you're all
kings, but for heaven's sake concede
I’m only a drummer from Buffalo!’
begged a weak voice, and a tall, thin
man, very much frightened, humbly
approached us, hat in hand, and stood
where the light filtered through the
window and made his angular form
look willowy.
“ ‘Odds fish, but ye are petitioning
the wrong court. I am only the un
happy Monmouth.’ groaned Tib.
“‘Crazy as an owl!' whimpered the
drummer. ‘Say, king, help me to get
out of this and I'll send you down the
best spring-tooth harrow made.’
“Well, sir, Tib was so ■ intent in
trying to recall his Monmouth lines
that I had to take the drummer aside
and convince him of our good inten
tions and sanity. But, Lord, sir! he
was suspicious. He’d been cooped up
for three days and was beginning to
hear bees in his own belfry. But after
I'd told him who was president and
had named the capitals of 30 states,
he agreed we might be what we didn’t
seem. ‘For,; he concluded, confiden
tially, ‘if ever I saw a trifling light
glint in a man's eye it is your part
ner’s there.’
“ ‘Alack a day,’ muttered Tib. ‘plots
and more plots! Now, see here, chil
dren, we’ve got to play our parts until
the general intellect of this town
clears up a bit. This head fanatic is
some college professor. I guess, and
he's hypnotized himself into believing
for the moment that he's James of
England. Now we must humor him
or he'll never recover. So. try and
inhale the same kind of dope, and at
the first opening we'll leave bloody
England for the quiet shores of Bean
ville. Hi, you halberdier!’ he cried
through the open window to one of
the guards—'want to earn 50 cents?'
“The man jabbed at us playfully
with hfc spear and mumbled some
thing about the king.
“ ‘See?’ cried Tib, ‘the old one has
led these poor incompetents into be
lieving lie's king and they are his sub
jects.’ Then to the guard again, tak
ing care to keep out of range: ‘What’s
your name, fellow? Not your stage
name, but your real name?’
“The guard looked puzzled for a
moment, and then replied, slowly:
‘Why, I was always called A1 Smikins,
but since the king come I'm Colonel
Kirke. That’s me, Kirke.’
“ ‘When did the king come?’ soothed
Tib.
“ ‘Why, let’s see. Yes, it was just
before the blackness settled down,’
and the guard grinned triumphantly at
remembering thus much. ‘Me and Jed
Bufkins, him that’s my Lord Chief
Justice Jeffreys now, had just got
back from selling some garden truck
in Beanville. But I forgit. There
ain’t any Beanville now. It's Brabant,
and this is England. Hooray for King
James! Stand back from that winder,
ye poisonous critter!’ and we all three
leaped aside just in time to escape be
ing decorated with the pike. ‘And if
ye git sassy I'll climb in there and
larrup ye,’ warned the yeoman, in con
clusion.
“ 'Gramercy for thy courtesy,’
growled Tib, rubbing his barked
knuckles. 'If ever I catch ye chasin'
the stag at Epping we'll have this out
to a finish, my lad.’
“ ‘Say, boss,' sobbed the drummer,
‘don't talk like that when we're alone.
It unhinges me. 1 feel myself going.’
“ ‘A murrain take thee. Go to, thou
knave!' I sneered.
“'Beautiful, Billy, beautiful!’ con
gratulated Tib. 'Let's wear the purple
while we can and play our parts to
the finish. This poor varlet has sub
mitted to captiivty for three days and
will wind up by waiting on a foolish
counter for life. Now, sirrah, hark
A
f
i.
t
nil.
1
IW
"I Say Fellers, I’ll Admit You’re All
Kings.”
ye. We leave this place to-night. If
ye ever want to see Rrabant again,
silence!’
“‘How are we to work it. Tib?’ I in
quired; for the quaintness of our peril
was getting into my bones.
“ ‘I’m Monmouth until we get back
to Rean-Rrabant,' reminded Tib. sim
ply. ‘Well, earl, I shall try to start a
revolution-.’
“As he said this a hearty hammer
ing caused us to creep to the window
on the other side of the building and
steal a peep. And what do you think,
sir? Why, those poor, hard-hearted
idiots were building a gibbet! It sim
ply swept the drummer off his feet.
'Oh, Monmouth,’ he wailed, ‘save this
one fool! What an idiot I was, w-ith all
the United States to live in, that I
had to come down here to be slaugh
tered by a counterfeit!’
‘“Well, well.' murmured Tib, purs
ing up his lips and drawing up his
rotund form. ‘This does look kind of
serious. We must get word to Roan
ville, yet the guards w-on’t allow one
of us to slip through the window and
there's no one to carry a message.
Odd situation, isn't it?’
" ‘I say, you fellers—I mean, Mon
mouth,’ called out the guard, poking
his head into the window—'King
James has just broken up his council
and they decided the spy can live, as
he warned us of your coming.’
“'Hooray!’ shouted the drummer,
with a vulgar display of enthusiasm.
" Shut up!’ growled Tib. 'So you
foretold our coming, eh?'
"‘Sure; had to, to save my hide,’
grinned the drummer, happily. 'Of
course it was only con on my part,
but luckily it worked out all liunkey.
All’s well that ends well, you know.’
" ‘You needn't be so devilish gay
over it,’ snapped Tib, ‘or you'll find
it's sad work to double-cross even the
pretender.’
“ ‘Oh, come now,' whined the drum
mer, ‘you fellers wouldn’t spike a poor
man's game! Don't you see, just as
soon as I get to Beanville I’ll catch a
constable and come back and rescue
you both.’
“ ‘No ye won't,’ chuckled the guard,
whom we'd forgotten. ’Cause King
James says ye can't go till after
they've been executed, whatever that
means—for danged if I do. And before
ye go. we’re going to brand the word
“traitor” on your brow.’
"Well, that doubled the drummer all
up. He tried to bribe the guard to run
up to the corner store and beg the
king to modify the sentence. T1 give
two dollars if you'll get him to change
his mind and brand me on the leg or
in the newspapers,’ he offered, hyster
ically.
‘‘‘Odds tomatoes!’ I whispered to
Tib, ‘but we must leave here in very
sooth.’
“Ther what was becoming an ex
tremely unlovely situation, with the
busy hammers clanging away on the
gibbet and the tall Jasper at the win
dow trying to make gimlets in our
legs with his pike, was given a new
direction by a lusty shout at the front
door and the sound of a voice crying:
'Hooray! A Monmouth! A Monmouth!’
And then the portal was cast down
and my Lord Ezra Somebody bawled
forth: 'Hello, folkses. Where be ye?’
“ ‘And come ye in peace here, or
come ye in war?’ demanded Tib, while
the drummer shuddered and protested
that our visitors were as welcome as
burglars.
“ ‘We’re friendly. Hooray for Mon
mouth!' cried the rabble.
“ ‘Let the portcullis fall and enter,'
invited Tib. Then to me: ‘Don't you
see, we’re rescued. When the leading
fay hypnotized this weak-minded
chorus into viewing him as his majes
ty King Janies, he necessarily supplied
the whole suggestion; that is, the
suggestion of a Monmouth, eke our re
ception. The last implied a handful of
supporters, and now we’ll leave this
dungeon, raise the west, and the in
sane equation is completed. James
has created a Frankenstein that will
devour him.’
“ ‘Say, I knew a feller once named
Fleckenstein. He traveled—’ began
the drummer, eagerly; but ‘Hist, vas
sal,’ commanded one of the newcom
ers, and he histed.
"The floor grew warm under our
prancing feet as we hurried to leave
the hall. The halberdier leaned in the
window, and, eyeing us curiously,
cried: ‘Ye didn't git out by th’ winder,
did ye? I was told ter guard it, and.
by gum, 1 have!’ But he made no
move to stop our passing through the
door, and Tib swore he was a man
with a heart in his bosom. On the
other side of the keep the volunteer
cabinet makers kept pounding away at
the gibbet and recked us not, although
one blur whistled with sinister shrill
ness, ‘Let Erin Remember.’
“Our new captors numbered about
a dozen and watched us keenly, al
though accepting Tib as their master.
For when we tried to say good-night
and sneak away after our wheels they
caused us to hesitate and informed us
we would be piked to death if we
made another break. ‘We've left our
hoein’ to stand by ye. an’ don’t ye dast
to caper any,’ warned one.
" ‘I trow we shall not part in scorn,’
assured Tib.
“ ‘Then let that tall feller stop his
rantin’,’ remonstrated another.
“ ‘Beshrew me,' groaned the drum
mer, keeping close to us; 'but say, fel
lers, this isn't real, is it? I'm still
traveling for the Buffalo house, ain’t
I?’
“ ‘I don’t know why we took any
body besides Monmouth fer,’ declared
the leader, stopping short and eying
us eyilly. 'Before this queer spell
come on I don’t remember as we had
any call ter rescue anybody but Mon
mouth.'
" 'Let’s kill th’ other two,’ suggested
a corn-haired boy, cheerfully.
‘‘’Hold!’ roared Tib. ‘These two
men we all wot of are leal and true.
Who touches a hair of their gray
heads—’
” ‘I snum, but ye're touchy, I guess!’
broke in the corn-haired youth. 'I
only want ter do what’s right. If ye
don't want 'em killed, say so. I didn't
think 'twould make no difference. I'm
sartin no one would miss either on
'em.’
"We were now clear of the main
street and apparently leaving the set
tlement. 1 had an idea of dodging into
the bushes and escaping, but Tib whis
pered we would accomplish nothing
except to alienate our few faithful
followers. ‘Taunton will receive us
warmly,' he added, and I suddered.
He said it so earnestly that I feared
his intellect was looping the loop, and
I’m sure the drummer felt the noose.
Then our adopted parents quickened
the pace and conversation was killed
by the high hill we now began to
climb. It seemed as if we’d been on
that hill for years. In pausing to look
back on the lights of the village it
seemed as if cries of rage were fret
ting the balmy summer night, and I
could hear the drummer's teeth clink
ing like pebbles in a tin dan.
“ ‘Marry, come up,’ quoth Tib at
last; ‘whence are we hencing?' And
in the moonlight 1 saw the old fellow
was mopping the sweat from his round
face.
Can't we call on the overseer of
the poor, or at a drug store, and get a
bite to eat?' moaned the drummer. ‘1
have had naught, fair sirs—’
“'Good form!’ cried Tib. approving
ly.
“ ‘Oh, I’m going fast,’ whimpered
the drummer. 'It seems real to me
now, and if I only*had a hooded hawk,
or a baldric, I’d be doing a huntsman’s
stunt. But, honest, fellers, I’ve had
nothing in my stomach but rain water
for three days. And I had to steal
that out of a barrel by the window
when the archers were playing horse
shoe on the green. I could eat a
mustard plaster or a coat of arms.’
“I suggested that we stop and rest,
and the guards for a wonder were
willing. I could see, too, they were
uneasy. Tib said it was because they
didn't know what to do next, being re
moved from the zone of the king's in
fluence. I reckon he hit it right, for
I
And Down the Steep Hill We Sped.
the corn boy swore he was going back
and ask his majesty for further in
structions. By this time the drummer
had gone light-headed and persisted in
reciting 'The Wreck of the Hesperus.’
Tib augmented the corn boy’s declara
tion by announcing: ‘Catifs, we’ll all
go back and hunt up the king. We’ll
keep him with us, so w’e’U always
know just what to do.’
“But we mustn’t hurt him,’ expostu
lated one. 'Old Freeman Hucky is
one of the best old souls in Tanker’s
Mills. Lord! Where'd I get that
name? Sounds mighty familiar, too.'
And the last was in deep perplexity.
“ ‘Say, fellers, can't we break into
one of those barns and git some oats
to eat?’ babbled the drummer. 'A dish
of nice, clean oats would look mighty
good to me.’
“‘Ye varmint!’ cried Corn Hair; ‘if
ye don't shut up I'll use th‘ goad on
ye. I tell ye, boys, we're all goin’ ter
feel sorry if we don't kill this chap.
TIT king said we'd got ter kill some
body.' But Tib and I pacified him and
explained there was no gain in slaving
an insect, and at last we were march
ing towards the village
“ ’It's time to duck,' I whispered to
Tib.
“ 'Let’s first get a whack at. King
James,’ he pleaded. ‘And. Billy, what
if we catch him and lock him up?
Won’t that make me ruler of Tanker’s
Mills? We’d be so cut off from inter
ference that probably we could run
this place as a monarchy all summer.
And do you know. I’ve always hank
ered to wear the purple.’
“ 'Not for a gold mine,’ I objected,
now fearing that his dreams of empire
would cause him to cut up. For i
knew that he would just like to sway
the scepter over Tanker's Mills,
despite the fact that a despotism with
in the United States is incongruous.
“ ‘I'm going to pause long enough to
devour that pump,’ interrupted the
drummer, now walking like a drunken
man.
“We were entering the village at the
time, and only Corn Hair's promise to
assassinate him held him to the path.
Then, whom should we meet, practical
ly unattended, but King James him
self. 'Out on thee, arrant knave!' lie
cried, on beholding Monmouth. ‘Ho,
w'arden! ho men at arms! Hither, I
command thee!’
“'Not on your life!’ howled the
drummer, coming to his senses and
clapping his soft hat over his majes
ty's mouth.
“ ‘Hold him,’ cried Tib, in a low
voice, applying his handkerchief to
the august arms and thus reversing
history. ‘Now, march him quietly to
the town hall.’
" 'Say, fellers, don't ye dare hurt
Freeman Hucky,’ warned one of the
guards, as with poor grace they al
lowed us to drag the old man along.
Several of them also incited gay feel
ings by producing course-looking jack
knives.
“ 'No harm shall befall a single
whisker in his venerable beard, gentle
sirs,’ vouchsafed Tib. straining his
eyes to catch a glimpse of the rnuch
prayed-for bikes.
“Our insurgents then burst into a
song of abuse and threw down their
cartel of defiance, and said they were
tired of a fat old Monmouth and that
they would change allegiance and aid
King James’ followers in executing us
on the now-finished gibbet. By this
time we were close to the little hall,
and in the bright moonlight could ad
mire every detail of the clumsy yet
businesslike-looking gallows. What
added to our fear was the sound of
shouting in the hall, where, through
the lighted windows, we beheld a mot
ley group of scamps, dancing and v-av
ins home-made weapons. But w
then, like a beacon-light to the hone,
less mariner, we caught the frienrilv
twinkle of our bikes' frames, and with
one accord we pushed the king again*?
the deserters and, as they tumble^
and romped on the ground, we bent
our hot footsteps towards the goal
"In a second, it seemed, the hall
had disgorged more enemies, and the
whole pack were after us as we gained
our perambulators and tried to hon the
saddles.
“ ’Where do I come in, Monmouth1”
howled the drummer.
“ ‘Lord. if we haven't forgotten the
spy!’ cried Tib. 'Here, Sliver, jumD
up behind me. Nay, choke me not en
tirely with thy caresses. Now, hang
tight and steal away,’
"And down the steep hill into the
black shadows we sped, with a fren
zied mob of King James’ men in fear
some pursuit. When we reached the
level and began climbing the next hill
they all but had us. But. just as they
would have gathered us to their bosom
we reached the crest and slid from
view. And the way the drummer clung
to Tib would cause the champion trick
cyclist to blush for inability.
"And so we left them in all their
glory and made Beanville in safety
And what do you think, sir! When
we’d lodged complaint, and a posse of
constables had gone over to Tanker's
to straighten out the general brain
tangle, they found no trace of the
King James germ. But instead old
Freeman Hucky was in the midst of
the belief that he was an algebraic
equation that would never be solved
if he kept perfectly quiet. And as he
didn't wish to be solved, Tanker’s was
the most peaceful place on the map,
and, so far as I know, has never met
with royalty since the time Tib and I
joggled the throne.’’
“SOME WITH THE LADIES.’
Thought Much of by the Girls but Not
by the Old Man.
The two young women entered the
car with a young man the other night
and sought seats in the far end. The
women—though really they were only
girls—had their hair arranged in the
extreme of fashion. Each young head
was exactly as big as a bushel in cir
cumference, and each was topped with
an enormous hat crowned with a
feather duster.
The man was an emaciated, at
tenuated youth, with a grinning coun
tenance and an air of great satisfac
tion which was not lessened by the
way in which the young women hung
upon his slightest word.
He told jokes for a while for their
amusement and then began to talk
about himself.
“Say, I'm some with the ladies," he
commenced gracefully.
"Ah! now,” cried the girls rebuk
inglv.
“I just am,” declared the man; “it
you don't believe it read these,” and
with that he dragged a sheaf of let
ters from his pocket and proceeded
to distribute them to his companions.
With shrieks of delight they drew
the missives from their envelopes and
began to read, while the man read
aloud the one he held for the benefit
of whosoever it concerned. "Listen
here,” he said. “She asked me never
to tell a soul this, but it's too good to
keep,” and then he read the story
which his correspondent had confided
to him.
The two girls ceased the perusal ol
the letters they held to listen to this
more interesting matter.
“Ain't it just like Susie to believe
you wouldn't tell?” said one of them
contemptuously.
And “why, I hadn't an idea you was
so popular,” remarked the other, ad
miringly.
An elderly man sitting across the
aisle had listened to this conversa
tion growling under his breath. Now
he spoke aloud, but to no one in par
ticular. “You shouldn't get off this
car unkicked if I were a bit younger,
said he, apparently to the electric
lights, but the young man kept on
reading.—Baltimore News.
WAY BRIDGET VIEWED IT.
Nothing Missed—-Th’ Dago Didn’t
Have His Organ with Him.”
A lady, wealthy and socially prom
inent, once sought to break in a new
Irish maid-servant by putting her a
answering door. The very lirst day,
chanced that a certain distinguished
and titled Italian gentleman callea
during the lady’s absence. In broken
English the foreigner asked for
mistress, and, being told that she
not at home, left his card and «e
away. When the lady returned she m
once inquired of the new ghl 1
one had called while she was away
‘■Yis, mum," answered the S>r>. eare
lessly nodding toward the car
ceiver; "an' he left his caird.1
Picking up this card and per"
the titled foreigners name t
the lady became visibly agitate .
"Oh, Bridget,” she exclaimed,
so sorry 1 wasn't at home whe
gentleman called!” d1v
"Sure,” was the disdainfu p
"an’ ye didn’t miss anything, 111
Her mistress stared at her in
ment.
"Bridget, what do you mean_ ^
"Th’ dago didn’t have h s
gan wid ’im! "-Illustrated Sun
Magazine.
Enigmatical Calamity. {
Men have often a^aIld"n®hat was
as visible for the sake < y ex.
icertain, have not go * gy bad
>cted, and have lost wha tujgmatic*
dng unfortunate by a pbaio;
,rt of calamity.—Demetrius
1