THE KUSKO TIMES,
A. X. Grant, Publisher, Sole
Owner and Editor.
>
Published Every Saturday
$1 Per Month
Advertising Rates.
Reading matter, per line, per
issne.....% .W '
Regal advertisements, per line,
issue ..... .20
^Transient display, per inch, per
issue (minimum charge $1).... .80 '
Entered as secona-class matter Av
gust 29th, 1923, at the postofflce at
'Tokotna, Alaska, under the Act of,
iMarch 3, 1879.
Takotna, Alaska, June 3ft, 1928.
PRESS SQUIBS.
Ford secins to be sort of a flivver
t*s a speaker.—Miami Herald.
Sometimes even oil and whitewash
«do not mir.—Boston Herald.
A bald-headed man has the really
•only permanent hair waive.—Louis
wille Times.
John D. Rockefeller has a new
.-great-grandaughter. Now some
•wretch of a paragraphs probably
probably will tell us that there goes
^another dime.—Memphis Commercial
-Appeal.
Another thing that makes the av
erage man feel very dose to A11
tSmith is that Al’s a rotten golf
iplayer.—Ohio State Journal.
There is some reason to expect that
iin time Chicago will erect a raonu
anent to the Unknown Victim.—Phila
•delphia Inquirer.
Dental authority says sixty pounds’
ipressure is required to chew a sirloin
•steak. He must be a millionaire used
to only tender cuts.—Los Angeles
Times.
'There seems to be a trend among
tnojre of the lurches to unite and
•fight the devil, instead of remaining
:apart :and fighting each other.—De
troit Free Press.
A miss in the car is worth two in
tthe engine.—Louisville Times.
The world is never going to be
ireally happy until pacts make pax.—
SLouisville Times.
We are surprised to note that the
•gentleman who won the tennis match
iat Rome was not Mussolini.—Amer
ican Lumberman (Chicago).
Marshal Chang is sore now because
tthey didn’t build the great Chinese
wall on the other side of Peking.—
Arizona Record.
In the earnest scientific research to
find profitable commercial use for the
cornstalk, we hone they won’t happen
to think about bath towels.—Ohio
State Journal.
Often the neighbors think the fam
ily next door has moved when it’s
often the case of a golf hound being
the husband of a bridge fiend.—Mi
ami News.
Somebody says the power of the
pulpit lias been waning for the last
fifty years. Every now and then
somebody points out that the sun is
losing heat.—Boston Herald.
An escaped lunatic was recently
recaptured while he was giving a
lady his seat in the Tube. lie cer
tainly shouldn’t have drawn attention
to his eccentricity like that.—Punch.
German lecturer who .says this
country has pestticoat government
has evidently seen more in his brief
visit here than the majority of us who
live here.—Philadelphia Inquirer.
Switzerland is enjoying her first
Pullman train. It's easy to pronounce
the car names if you can yodel.—.San
Francisco Chronicle.
Machinery, it is predicted, will fight
the wars of the future. And what
will the cooties do then, poor things.?
Greensboro Record.
Yellowstone Park has a new gey
ser, spouting hot air at a startling
rate. Nature herself is in sympathy
with the campaign yean.—Pittsburgh
Post-Gazette.
The new Turkish government has
forbidden the .ancient Anatolian cus
tom of male guests beating the bride
groom, evidently preferring to let
marriage take its course.—Detroit
News.
Dr. Beebe says Sharks never attack
human beings except .by accident,
when they mistake the moving object
for food. Imagine the distress of the
shark when he finds out <his mistake.
—Kansas City Star.
America is learning good manners,
but even yet .there are many parents
who speak disrespectfully to their
children.—-Washington Post.
A waitress has stated that tips in
a New York coffee shop reach five to
eight dollars a day. The mood for
confession has not struck a night-club
waiter as yet.—Pittsburgh Post Ga
zette.
And in years to come pitying visit
ors to the Smithsonian will look at
“We” in its glass case and say, “How
in the world oeuld the poor fellow
have got across in a thing like that!”
—New York Evening Post.
Takotna Pool Hall
Fresh Fruits
Tobaccos
Apples
Candies Soft Drinks
Cigars Cigaret*
Oranges
Mutchler Cold Storage Barge
Pork Beef Veai Mutton
Boiled Hams Pickled Tongues
Sausage in variety Head Cheese
DAVE MUTCHLER
POSITIVE PNEUMONIA
CURE NOW ANNOUNCED
CHICAGO.—-A positive cure 'far
pneumonia has been perfected, Prof.
Robert C. Borden, director of the
American Institute of Homeopathic
Research, announced here tteday.
The treatment, developed by mem
bers of th Institute, will be ready for
dissemination to the medical world
late this year or early in 1929, Prof.
Borden said. He made the announce
ment in an address to the Illinois
Homeopathic Medical. Society.
The institute has treated 3,000
cases with the new method and now
is organizing its data. Until that has
been finished the nature of the treat
ment will not he made known, Prof.,
Borden said.
Commenting on the recent discov-1
ery in New York of a method by
which the sex of chickens can be con
trolled -with X-rays, Dr. Borden pre
dicted that its discoverer, Dr. William
H. Diffenbach, "soon-will make -an an
nouncement concerning the possibility
of applying it to dniman beings.
Dr. Dieff.eiibach conducted his aex
periments under the'auspices of the
Institute, Prof. Borden said. He add
ed that .application of pre-natal sex
control in human beings might upset
the entire balance of the human :Tace.
There .might .he -a preponderance of j
males, he said.
'FUOODS OF FAKE SPEECHES.’
i
Washington Post.
Residents of Washington, whatever
they may la<*k, ate spared the flood
of Congressional speeches that inun
date other sections of -the .country.
Some interesting testimony on the
amount of congressional matter pass
ing through the folding a-oom has just
been given by William T-yter Page,
clerk of the House,;and Bert W. Ken
nedy, doorkeeper. During the Sixty
ninth Congress 44,520,000 copies of
speeches and documents were mailed
from the Capital to wastebaskets
.throughout the land. This being a
Presidential year, almost 6,000,000
such pieces of useless information
have been sent out already.
In considering these figures’it be
comes possible to understand vwhy it
is that members of the House fight
so often and "with such determination
for leave to extend their remarks in
the Record. The maker tiff -such an
address may have enjoyed tthe .privi
lege of the floor for no more than 30
seconds, but the extension of his re
marks may cover several pages.
There is no way for the ‘folks [back
home” to distinguish a counterfeit
speech from a real one, and although
it is no longer permissible to dot one
of these phantom addresses with
“applaus” and "laughter,*’ every
body's doing it.
There is one discouraging feature
in the report on the state of the fold
ing room made by the two House offi
cials. It appears that the radio is not
reducing the number of congressional
speeches mailed to constituents, as
was hoped for. Soon after broadcast
ing became general there was some
diminution in the amount of mail, but
the figure is getting back to normal.
The flood of speeches continues to
embarrass the postoffice service and
the-letter boxes df citizens. The re
deemihg feature is no one has to read
thm.
Furnished the'ProdL
The manbefore the magistrate was
a stranger in the village, and he was
most indignant that‘he should suffer
the humiliation of his present posi
tion.
“The constable seems very certain
about everything connected with my
case,” he sneered, '“but there’s one
weak point in his defense. Why does
he .not call his fellow officer to cor
roborate what he says?”
“There’s only one constable sta
tioned in this village,” said the of
ficer.
“But I saw two last night,” indig
nantly answered the prisoner.
“Exactly!" agreed the policeman.
“That’s the charge against yer.”
"Jimmy, I wish you would learn !
better table manners; you're a reg
ular little pig at the table,” said
Jimmy's dad.
Silence on Jimmy’s part.
Then, to make it more impressive,
Jimmy’jr father asked; “Do you know
what a pg is?”
"Yes, sir,” Jimmy replied meekly,
“it's a hog’s little boy.”
Manager Accident Insurance Com
pany—So you’re positive that her ac
cident mas faked?
Investigator—Sure. She .said . her
heel caught in the hem of her dress.
Lawyer—I don’t see what you. two
are quarreling about. It’s, a simple
matter to share the assets and liabili
ties!.
Client—But the question is who’s
to take over the assets and 'who i the
liabilities.
Du Rand’s f
Cafe and
.Hotel }
Flat City
Search for landing places occupies
pedestrians and aviators alike.—Wall
Street Journal.
Takotna
Cigar Store
Tobaccos
Max Simel :
Pioneer
Trader
STATION: tfAIEVlEW, INNOKO RITER.
Miners’, Prospectors’ and
Trappers’ Supplies
V-i
! .
FREIGHTING
General Transportation
How About Wood Hauling?
Joe Ferris
Takotna
; '-’1