North Korean Missile Test Delayed By Windows 8
North Korean Missile Test Delayed by Windows 8
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—North Korea’s official news agency announced today that the military’s planned missile test had been put on hold because of “problems with Windows 8.”Intelligence analysts said that the announcement gave rare insight into the inner workings of North Korea’s missile program, which until last year had been running on Windows 95.The announcement from the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) did not indicate a new scheduled time for a missile test, saying only that it was “working with Windows 8 support to resolve the issue.”In the words of one intelligence analyst, “That means the test has been delayed indefinitely.”A source close to the North Korean regime reported that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un is furious about the Windows 8 problems and is considering a number of options, including declaring war on Microsoft.Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author, comedian, and creator of The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.Read MoreThe Improbable Rise of J. D. Vance“Hillbilly Elegy” made him famous, and his denunciations of Donald Trump brought him liberal fans. Now, as a Vice-Presidential candidate, he’s remaking his image as the heir to the MAGA movement.By Benjamin Wallace-WellsGreg Jackson Reads “The Honest Island”The author reads his story from the November 11, 2024, issue of the magazine.Joshua Cohen Reads “My Camp”The author reads his story from the October 21, 2024, issue of the magazine.Ukraine’s Waiting GameIn and around Kyiv, war has become part of daily life, even as the public grows weary of its costs.What Is Cornel West Thinking?The public intellectual’s Presidential campaign could ease Donald Trump’s path to the White House. Why won’t he drop out?How Pro-Trump Activists Hijacked Georgia’s Election BoardSince the 2020 race, the state has been at the center of a national movement to contest elections. Now a group of unelected officials is sowing suspicions about the 2024 results.How Syria Became the Middle East’s Drug DealerBashar al-Assad has propped up his regime by exploiting the Middle East’s love of an amphetamine called captagon.Inside the Republican National Committee’s Poll-Watching ArmyThe R.N.C. says it has recruited tens of thousands of volunteers to observe the voting process at precincts across the country. Their accounts of alleged fraud could, as one Trump campaign official put it, “establish the battlefield” for after November 5th.The Cartoonist’s Dream JournalMy ideas come from my dreams, so that’s why I nap so frequently. I’m working.Kamala Harris’s Hundred-Day CampaignThree months ago, the Vice-President was fighting for respect in Washington. Can she defy her doubters—and end the Trump era?The Aid Workers Who Risk Their Lives to Bring Relief to GazaAs the war grinds on, logistical challenges are compounded by politics, repeated evacuations, and the fear of being killed.America!: Election MascotsFred the World-Weary Warthog, the Poll Terror, Professor Numbington, and others.