Bullshit Startup Experiences
startupbullshit

                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        
                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                    Manager: "There's no politics here"
                                                
                                                    Translation: Although there are political struggles in every organization you've ever come into contact with, this one doesn't have any. All of our interests are in perfect alignment, and everyone agrees on everything. Furthermore, we wouldn't dream of hiring one of those awful, dirty, self-interested people you find literally everywhere, except here, of course.
                                                
                                                
                                            

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        
                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                    big-shot ex-trader: you can be my new CTO
                                                
                                                    me: ok, let's talk about compensation
                                                
                                                    big-shot ex-trader: look, do you want to be CTO or not??
                                                
                                                
                                            

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        bootstrapping (verb)A bullshit startup way to describe using money that you have to make a product that you sell. syn: Business.

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        
                                            

                                            
                                            
                                                
                                                    
                                                    
                                                
                                                
                                                    
                                                        Senior Manager for Demand GenerationWhen you need a bullshit marketing way to say you want a bullshit marketing person.
                                                    
                                                
                                                
                                            
                                            

                                            

                                            


                                            


                                            


                                            


                                            

                                            


                                            

                                            

                                        

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        
                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                    CEO: we're revolutionizing—
                                                
                                                    bullshit-level: Normal
                                                
                                                    CEO: —everything.
                                                
                                                    bullshit-level: Elevated
                                                
                                                    CEO: we haven't tried to raise money, so there isn't any funding. However, stock options would be available to the right candidate.
                                                
                                                    bullshit-level: High
                                                
                                                    CEO: That's just until we launch our kickstarter in the coming months...
                                                
                                                    bullshit-level: Catastrophic
                                                
                                                    CEO: but until then, we're in stealth-mode.
                                                
                                                    bullshit-level: FAILURE IMMANENT
                                                
                                                    CEO: How many hours are you prepared to devote per-week to this groundbreaking idea?
                                                
                                                
                                            

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        
                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                    CEO: "ok here's the NDA"
                                                
                                                    NDA: asks for name, address and date, but doesn't ask for signature
                                                
                                                    CEO: "and I'll need you to scan your signature and send it to me"
                                                
                                                
                                            

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        Open Sourced (verb)The past-tense of open sourcing, which is a bullshit way of saying that a piece of source code is being published. Like saying you open doored your car.“Google Just Open Sourced TensorFlow, Its Artificial Intelligence Engine”

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        Onboarding (noun)Getting somebody new to internalize your language of bullshit and jargon. Assimilation, but friendlier sounding.

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        
                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                    founder: I'm sure you're very well compensated by your ongoing development projects, and you know running this non-profit is really eating up my bank account, and since this is a Non-Profit Startup I really have nothing to offer
                                                
                                                
                                            

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                                
                                    

                                        

                                        Programming Schoolcharges students $1500 per semestercompensates teachers with free desk in coworking space

                                        
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                    
                                
                        
                        

                        

                        
                            
                        
                    