Cold Call
Entry 1068: Cold Call

						So my wife Barbara and I were out to dinner the other night and I asked her casually what the current temperature of our refrigerator was because that’s just the kind of extraordinary conversationalist I happen to be.
And listen to this–she was able to tell me! Not only that: she also noted the separate temperature of the freezer compartment! And the information was not based on the assumption that the temperatures would be more or less the ones she had set them at. No! They were the actual temperatures at that very moment, reported in real time and displayed on her iPhone.
How amazing was that!
This was all made possible since we had just purchased a Bosch smart refrigerator so that Barbara could download an app because you simply cannot have enough apps on your phone. If apps took up physical space, your typical smart phone would probably be larger than an SUV and create quite the bulge in your back pocket.
Anyway, with her new refrigerator app, Barb could stay on top of minute-by-minute cooling functionality from anywhere, in case the fridge engaged in the sort of shenanigans appliances enjoy when they cannot be monitored constantly.
All of this resulted in the following scientific discussion at the restaurant:

Barb: The freezer is zero degrees.
Me: Celsius, right?
Barb: No. Fahrenheit.
Me: Wait. Shouldn’t the freezer be 32 degrees? You know, to freeze stuff?
Barb (as if she was talking to our 3-year-old granddaughter): It’s zero degrees. The old refrigerator’s freezer was zero degrees, too. That’s what temperature freezers are always set at.
Me: So it’s really cold then.
Barb: Yes

And I thought I couldn’t learn new things at my age. Thirty-two degrees may be cold enough to freeze H2O, but I guess it’s not adequate for Lean Cuisine.
But getting back to our new, technologically-advanced Bosch smart refrigerator, Barbara can actually–and I can’t believe I’m saying this–change its temperatures from her phone! This will certainly come in handy if she ever has the sudden urge to defrost everything remotely. And, because she really doesn’t receive enough texts throughout the day, the fridge’s app can message her if somebody (probably me) has left its door open so that we can go racing out of the restaurant just as the other kind of apps arrive. If the fridge really wanted to be helpful, it would let you close the door with your phone, like Barbara can do with our garage because that, too, is smart.
(I doubt, however, that we could ever leave our home with the refrigerator door ajar, since that would entail ignoring the loud, annoying beeping sound it makes whenever the door is opened for a few seconds.)
Of course, nowadays, everything in your kitchen can be “smart,”and I highly recommend replacing all your old, non-communicative appliances with ones you can control from anywhere in the world so that you’ll be fully prepared for the next lockdown when you can’t leave your house.
See you soon.
											