[Dr. Drew Pinsky, Hln:] Here we go now. Tonight we`re talking sex and sexuality. Teen sex, sex with friends, sexless marriages, anything you want to know about sex and it`s all in the next 60 minutes. So let`s get started. Tonight we`re going to have an important and mature conversation about sex. Who`s having it, who`s not, who wants it, who loves it, who hates it. It`s everywhere in our culture, but really talked about honestly almost nowhere. So watch this. And then we`ll start the dialogue.
[Unidentified Male:] It`s time you and I had the talk. And I shouldn`t have sex. I think on your 30th birthday. We`re going to make a sex tape.
[Unidentified Female:] The diddy on the dirty. What do you think of my hips?
[Unidentified Male:] What I want to know is women come in on the bed.
[Unidentified Female:] After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off. Is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub. I have what?
[Unidentified Male:] It`s called Chlamydia.
[Unidentified Female:] You dirty dog.
[Unidentified Male:] He was trading intimate text messages with another woman.
[Unidentified Female:] Oh my god, I have to deal with this. And it was hard. It was devastating. It was heartbreaking. It was hard.
[Pinsky:] It is just out there everywhere, and no one`s having a really careful conversation about this. Now, if you`re the parent of a teen, you need to pay attention to the following stats. Thirteen percent of teens have had vaginal intercourse by the age of 15. By their 19th birthday, 7 and 10 teens had. A couple of those numbers with these statistics, and you understand why parents have a lot of concern or cause for concern. A sexually active teen who does not use a contraceptive has a 90 percent chance of becoming pregnant within a year. Although 15 to 24-year- olds represent only one quarter of the sexually active population, they account for nearly half, that is 9.1 million of the 18.9 million new cases of STIs each year including HIV and AIDS. Now, first of all, I want to say, if parents at home have concern about what we`re talking about tonight, please make your viewing choices with your kids accordingly. I think you ought to be watching this with children and having this conversation. We`re going to deal with this maturely, gently, carefully. But let me just say, something`s going wrong. With all those STIs in young people. We did teen moms earlier in the week. I threw out all those data about teen pregnancies and how common it is. We`re doing something wrong. We do the least well of all industrialized nations. So let`s considered teenagers an asset. Let`s consider the media an asset and see if we can do something reasonable with this problem. So the first block here, joining me are three courageous high school students. They`re here to talk honestly about this topic. I have Danielle and Shelby, both are 17 years of age. I also have Adam. He is 15. And also I have Michelle Golland. She is a clinical psychologist who works with teens. Now first, I`m going to start with Danielle who`s the closest to me. What is it look like, what is it like for high school students today?
[Danielle, 17, Lost Virginity When She Was 16:] It`s really hard, because a lot of high school students, they don`t have really good communication with their parents. And a lot of people are really sheltering their kids from what`s really happening, because they`re like, oh my baby, I don`t want her to grow up. I don`t want her to grow up.
[Pinsky:] Well, it`s tough as a parent to deal with that. That`s another topic that no one ever talks about is that our little babies are growing up and becoming mature, sexual adults.
[Danielle:] Yes, but if you I feel like if you shelter your kids so much, they`re going to want to do more things. My mom and I are very open with each other, and she knows some she knows all of the things I`ve done and that`s just because I feel
[Pinsky:] Do you feel comfortable talking about that here?
[Danielle:] I feel totally comfortable talking about that here.
[Pinsky:] What have you done?
[Danielle:] I have had sex before with a boy who I was with for a couple months, like eight months. And
[Pinsky:] Did you discuss it with your mom?
[Danielle:] I discussed it with my mom.
[Pinsky:] Did you discuss it before you did it?
[Danielle:] No. I didn`t really want to talk about it. I discussed it after I did it, but she knew right when she saw my face.
[Pinsky:] But might not it have been a good idea to discuss it before?
[Danielle:] Yes. It will have.
[Pinsky:] Do you regret having done it?
[Danielle:] In a way I do, because I mean, if I could have gone back in time, I would have waited.
[Pinsky:] Michelle, Dr. Golland, I`m not yet a teenager yet female who didn`t say that. I wish I could have just waited longer. No matter what the age was almost.
[Dr. Michelle Golland, Clinical Psychologist:] Right. I think the problem is, Dr. Drew, is that we view this issue through the lens of politics and religion, instead of a public health issue. Period. That`s what this is.
[Pinsky:] And these kids, as such, are the source of information on this public health issue. So I`m going to go on to Shelby. Shelby, what`s it look like from your standpoint?
[Shelby, 17, Lost Virginity When She Was 16:] At school everybody, everyone`s doing it.
[Pinsky:] Everyone?
[Shelby:] Well, not everyone, but most people they are doing it. It`s talked about so much. And parents really are just in the dark about it. Where I live, in my town, there`s a very highly religious population, and they just don`t want to admit that their kids are having sex and involving in sexual activity. They just don`t want to admit to it.
[Pinsky:] You have only the "what`s talked about." So we don`t know for sure what`s being talked about is actually what`s happening, I suppose, right?
[Shelby:] Yes.
[Pinsky:] But at least for sure you seem are you tearing up?
[Shelby:] No. No.
[Pinsky:] In your town, it`s being talked about constantly.
[Shelby:] Yeah. Like people come back from Monday, the weekend, they`re like, oh, yeah, this is what I did this weekend and I just I don`t understand why it`s, like, a game for guys. It`s a game to see how many girls that they can have sex with or, like, and they get praised for it, too. And us girls, we sit back and if we, like, people judge us. And they`re like, oh, you`re a whore if you go out and have sex with a guy.
[Pinsky:] Who are the people that judge you?
[Shelby:] Our peers.
[Pinsky:] Your female peers?
[Shelby:] No, just high school students.
[Pinsky:] Boys or girls?
[Shelby:] Both.
[Pinsky:] Are girls a little harsher?
[Danielle:] Girls are
[Shelby:] Yes
[Pinsky:] This is the thing that troubles me is the girls are worse. Adam, you`re laughing about this.
[Adam, 15, Pursued By Girls:] Sorry.
[Pinsky:] But go ahead, what`s it look like from your standpoint?
[Adam:] Well, guys, like, I have a couple guy friends who are just like, yeah, I`ve done it.
[Pinsky:] At 15?
[Adam:] Yes. At 15. And I have a couple of girl friends who have done that, too. At 15.
[Pinsky:] Do you think that`s a good idea?
[Adam:] Not really. I mean, why? Just the question I have. Just why do it when you could just wait until later and make it better? Not better, but, like
[Pinsky:] More reasonable. Has it become normal for a 16, 17-year-old? Is it normal? Is it considered you should be doing that?
[Adam:] Well
[Danielle:] I think people are pressured into doing it.
[Pinsky:] By whom?
[Danielle:] By the guy that they`re with, by music, by TV, television. Just they want to know what it`s like to have sex because apparently everybody`s doing it. But I feel like you have to be emotionally ready. It`s not just physical. So many emotions go with it. And a lot of girls have sex with a guy to make them closer. And that`s not what`s going to make you closer. Like, sex and making love are two different things. Not a lot of people know.
[Pinsky:] Why don`t they know that?
[Danielle:] Because they`re not fully developed yet. They don`t maturely.
[Adam:] They`re too young.
[Pinsky:] Do you think the internet has had a role to play here? Doesn`t pornography and all that nonsense, the internet just rain down on you guys?
[Danielle:] The media.
[Adam:] It`s so easy to get I mean, like, it`s so easy to get to those, you know, Web sites, of, like, porno and stuff like that.
[Pinsky:] Do you think it affects males, your age, do you think it affects how they think about young women or women at all?
[Shelby:] Yes.
[Adam:] Like, a couple guys have thought of it more of as a prize instead of a person. Or women, I mean. Like, they think as like, oh, yeah, I got this chick. It`s like win for me, instead of
[Shelby:] They high five at school about it all the time. They`re like oh, yeah, I had sex with so-and-so. And I see it every day. They`re just like high five. And I`m like, are you kidding me? Like, sex isn`t something that should be a game. It should be, like, respected and you should value, like, sex with one and it shouldn`t just be thrown away with a random person. You should
[Danielle:] It`s a competition for guys. Like, I had sex with her. I had sex with this one. I had sex with that one. And then for girls, a lot of girls, like I said, just do it to bring yourself closer, but a lot of, like, I think a lot of girls do it because they`re insecure with themselves and they haven`t really met not a lot of girls they say the word I love you and they just think having sex will just make, will prove that love, but
[Pinsky:] Which is sad, right?
[Golland:] Right. And I think, you know, one of the big issues that needs to be addressed is that we as parents have to speak directly and honestly with our kids. And really give them all the information. But again, this overwhelming political and religious bend that we don`t talk about it in public school, that we can`t address it really. It really colors everything that I think we as parents do. And we know statistically, unfortunately, Dr. Drew, we are failing them. We are failing we`re the adults, we are the country that can, you know, take this and do this and do what we need to do politically. And we don`t do it.
[Pinsky:] We don`t look at it as a health issue.
[Golland:] It`s a health issue.
[Pinsky:] But, Shelby, you seem emotional to me. Did something happen to you with this topic?
[Shelby:] No. Well, actually, today, I just told my mom that I had sex. Today actually. And I just want to thank you for that, for
[Pinsky:] You`re smiling. Was it a good experience?
[Shelby:] It was a good experience. She wasn`t as mad as I thought she would be, but she feels okay with it.
[Pinsky:] And let me speak on behalf of parents. If we get, if we were to get mad at you for telling us something tender about yourself like that, it would be out of fear of you getting hurt.
[Danielle:] Yes.
[Pinsky:] That would be really what we`re responding to, not that you disappointed us or you`re not a good person, we don`t love you. It scares us.
[Danielle:] Yes.
[Pinsky:] And we respond with the only primitive way we know how, which is not a great response.
[Golland:] Yes. And I think that we have to address the fact that, you know, teens are sexually active because they have sexual hormones running through their body. We have to I mean, don`t you remember? I mean, I do. It`s what happens.
[Pinsky:] Yes.
[Golland:] And so we have to teach them about other things, Dr. Drew. Honestly, like masturbation, about why they feel the things they do and really be honest about how they feel about sex and their bodies.
[Pinsky:] And it is, let`s be clear, it`s a very personal dialogue that every parent, child or family has to negotiate. But somewhere we`re failing kids. I think the media is failing. I`m hoping this conversation helps a little bit. And I think we as parents need to step our game up a little bit. Now, thank you to the panel. Thank you, guys. Thank you for your courageousness, ladies. Adam, thank you.
[Shelby:] Thank you.
[Pinsky:] Dr. Michelle, thank you. And we`ll see you back no doubt. Now, I have a very special surprise for everybody. Somebody is joining me in the rest of the show. And because when I talk about relationships and sex, there`s sort of one guy I need to talk to, with, by my side. Now I know you can`t tell who this is because he`s got a bar over his eyes. But perhaps if I put a dime up for scale, you`ll get a clearer idea of who this might be. Yes, he joins me next. I can`t do this without him. So he`ll be here with me. Stay tuned.