[Unidentified Man #1:] Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction or high blood pressure or poison ivy, rickets, itchy scalp, attention deficit disorder? Get the one drug that doctors recommend most for everything placebo. It's painless, delicious and inert. Ask your doctor if placebo is right for you. If he says no, find another doctor.
[P:] Placebo may result in the absence of side effects. Preexisting conditions may result from underuse. Pregnant women may have babies. Persons over 105, consider yourselves lucky. Placebo for everything.
[Audie Cornish:] That medical satire brought to you by the staff of ALL THINGS CONSIDERED.