[Joy Behar:] Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Tiger Woods keeps popping up, so to speak. We`ll take a look at the newest developments in the golf great`s not so great holiday season. Then Levi Johnston took his clothes off for a lot of money, for "Playgirl" magazine but it seems he didn`t take off enough. And we`ll go from that boy to that girl, as one of my favorite people, Marlo Thomas, joins me in the studio. All that and more starting now. Well, it`s been a rough week for the boys. Tiger Woods has a bimbo explosion on his hands, and Levi Johnston`s playgirl shoot is deemed a bust and Jon Gosselin has some legal trouble. Here to discuss are comedian JB Smoove very funny; Stephanie Miller, host of the syndicated radio show "The Stephanie Miller Show"; and Carlos Diaz, correspondent for "Extra". Could this week have gone any worse for Tiger Woods?
[Jb Smoove, Comedian:] Oh, my God, man. Right now Tiger wishes that he could take one good swing and make everything go away. Just like, "Oh, it`s gone, that`s it." Put the green jacket on him.
[Behar:] I think that`s what his wife tried the wife tried to do that.
[Stephanie Miller, Host, "the Stephanie Miller Show":] The only thing that would have been worse is if we found out the eight kids of Kate`s are actually his.
[Carlos Diaz, Correspondent, "extra":] See the thing is we`re at Christmas season and the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa, Santa stops at three ho`s. It`s been terrible for Tiger and every day there`s new information. And it`s not just one story. There`s like multiple stories on different levels.
[Behar:] I know.
[Miller:] Joy, as a woman, I`m sure this caught your eye. I was going down the list, as we all did of the women. No offense, but no Supreme Court justice is on the list.
[Behar:] He should start dating Sonia Sotomayor to really clean up his image. Or Madeleine Albright somebody.
[Miller:] No neuro surgeons?
[Behar:] One of Tiger Woods` alleged mistresses is porn star Holly Sampson. Listen to what she said about Tiger in this video posted on "Naughty America" in May.
[Holly Sampson, Porn Star:] Oh, Tiger Woods. I
[Unidentified Female:] How did that happen?
[Sampson:] He`s like the whitest black boy you ever met in your life.
[Unidentified Female:] Gorgeous I mean you`re gorgeous too.
[Sampson:] Teeth are perfect and he`s like the perfect gentleman. He`s beautiful, beautiful everything. Just beautiful. I`m sure he`d probably die to know I was telling this on the Internet. But that`s ok. But I don`t care. It was fun. It`s not like it`s any big mystery.
[Behar:] Are we at the point where a topless woman is more credible than Tiger Woods?
[Smoove:] Is that crazy? They`re sitting there topless, right? And then they say that he`s the whitest black guy ever.
[Behar:] What does that mean? When she says the whitest...
[Smoove:] There are black guys who are white. There are white black dudes you know what I mean.
[Behar:] Like who?
[Smoove:] Everybody knows a black dude.
[Behar:] Give me what does it look like?
[Smoove:] Everyone has seen a white dude white black dude that hangs around with all the white friends. He never had his hair cut nice. His hair is always he`s never had a shape up. He never had the bald cool. He doesn`t have that cool look. He doesn`t trim his mustache. He just looks like a regular dude. You know what I mean?
[Behar:] All right.
[Smoove:] White guys don`t cut their hair all the time; they just kind of look kind of shaggy. Ever see a shaggy black dude? Shaggy black dudes hang around with white dudes.
[Miller:] You know, I can`t believe we`re even discussing this.
[Diaz:] Darius Rucker is really mad right now but...
[Behar:] Unlike Tiger, his mistresses saved all of the e-mails. Now, how dumb is Tiger that he actually let this thing go this far? And have everything in writing? Even I know better than that.
[Miller:] The other thing, you`ve seen his wife, right? So I asked a lot of my guy friends, like why? It`s the same reason a dog licks themselves, because they can, I guess.
[Behar:] Let me read you one of the e-mail messages all right. Tiger: "Do you have a boyfriend?" Jaimee: "I don`t even have someone I`m dating. No, you can be my boyfriend." Tiger: "Then I am." Jaimee goes, "I wish." Tiger says, "Quiet and secretively, we will always be together." Duh quiet and secretively? No, you`re not.
[Diaz:] There are athletes all over this country so mad at Tiger Woods right now it`s not even funny. Seriously, he`s blowing the lid off of cheating athletes all over this country because and I said it before and I`ll say it again 90 percent of all athletes, male athletes who are in marriages, cheat. It`s a fact, and it has happened from Babe Ruth through Tiger Woods.
[Behar:] Babe Ruth?
[Diaz:] Oh, yes, Babe Ruth.
[Behar:] Babe Ruth?
[Miller:] Are you kidding me?
[Diaz:] He was the biggest womanizer on the planet. You look at any biography of Babe Ruth, they talk about his ladies nonstop.
[Behar:] Women will go for anything.
[Miller:] How dumb is that message, quietly and secretively, it`s not like I`m famous or like this is being recorded.
[Smoove:] Babe ain`t the most handsome brother.
[Behar:] Who, Tiger?
[Smoove:] No, Babe Ruth. He had the gut, and he had the little stubby thing going on when he ran to the bases. And the dude was always in black and white. Why is the guy always in black and white? Where is this guy`s color? Why was he always in black and white?
[Behar:] I don`t know.
[Diaz:] I don`t know JB, I don`t know.
[Smoove:] No color at all. Why?
[Miller:] Also, he was like the Pillsbury Dough boy.
[Smoove:] No color to him at all. Why?
[Behar:] Let`s talk about a friend of the show, Levi Johnston. He was my guest recently. "The New York Post" reports his "Playgirl" shoot hasn`t raked in too much dough for the magazine. But "Playgirl" says it`s been a huge success because of the publicity. Do you think that his decision to wuss out and not go full Monty has hindered the sales or is it just because "Playgirl" is now on the Internet and you can sort of get those pictures on my show and on the Internet?
[Smoove:] Let me tell you what happens with that. Let me tell you something. When you agree to show your pee-pee in a magazine, right?
[Behar:] Yes.
[Miller:] That`s so cute.
[Smoove:] When you got a big mouth, the big mouth is supposed to match your pee-pee, right? Once you open your big mouth and you`re on TV talking about Sarah Palin, you have a big mouth right now and your pee-pee must be shown so that we can match the pee-pee with your big mouth.
[Behar:] Ok. Stephanie, do you think people have reached the Levi saturation point? We haven`t reached the Tiger saturation point but maybe the Levi saturation point.
[Miller:] I did want to see the junk, he`s right. Although he`s from Alaska, maybe there was significant shrinkage, it`s cold. If you can`t even see it around a hockey stick it can`t be all that.
[Behar:] You know, he`s writing a book about his life. He`s probably going to throw some more bombshells at Sarah Palin. What do you think about that?
[Diaz:] And he`s doing everything he can. It`s no coincidence that Sarah Palin`s big stance was being a hockey mom and he`s got a hockey stick and hockey gloves in everyone of the nude photos he`s in. So he`s doing everything he can to grab his 15 minutes from Sarah Palin. But I agree with you guys. I`m a straight guy and if I don`t see the junk, I`m not going to pay my $19.95 to playgirl.com.
[Smoove:] You should not be carrying a hockey stick and a puck. It should be a bat and a ball, right? I don`t know. Or bat and balls, I don`t know.
[Behar:] Levi was on my show this week and here`s what he said about being a gay icon. Follow this. You come from a conservative background, right?
[Levi Johnston, Father Of Sarah Palin`s Grandson:] Right.
[Behar:] And Alaska is not the most liberal state, yet you seem to be very comfortable being a gay icon.
[Johnston:] Growing up in Wasilla, it is. I`ve never seen a gay guy in Wasilla, I don`t think.
[Behar:] You never saw a gay guy.
[Johnston:] I mean, I`ve seen gay guys.
[Behar:] Look around, they`re all over here they`re all over the place.
[Johnston:] Once I started doing all these tours and everything, you know, they`re people too.
[Behar:] Well, gay Alaskans were none too happy for that, so they invited Levi to meet with them. Should he take them up on the invitation? The blog response from the gays in Wasilla was, we have strong survival instincts. And know better than to look, act or talk queenie in a town like this. They`re scared probably. What`s the next thing for Levi do you think? What should he do next to keep his face out there?
[Smoove:] Re-shoot. Do a re-shoot, right? Let the junk hang out, right?
[Behar:] Let the junk hang out.
[Smoove:] Let the junk hang out and do your thing.
[Behar:] I think the junk was in the trunk. You`re getting it all mixed up.
[Diaz:] For guys, the junk`s in the front.
[Behar:] Oh, the junk`s in the front for the guys.
[Diaz:] Yes, exactly yes.
[Smoove:] He got to re-shoot.
[Miller:] Maybe with some of Tiger`s girls. They seem like they can have quite the intellectual discussions, the girls in the topless video there.
[Diaz:] I think we need reconciliation. I think we need Levi and Sarah to actually come together as one now and put their differences aside. That`s the next thing.
[Behar:] Oh, that`s never going to happen. Closing out this trifecta is Jon Gosselin. His lawyers faced off in court against TLC Thursday, saying TLC violated child labor laws by filming Jon`s kids. TLC says Jon violated his contract and ruined the show by banning the kids from being on camera. Who`s going to win this fight Carlos?
[Diaz:] No one`s going to win this fight. Jon lost this fight the minute he said that TLC should stop shooting the kids. I said it before and I`ll say it again, the minute they said they were getting divorced, they should have put the kids off to the side and they should have had the entire show be about divorce. They gave away the product for free to NBC News to ABC News. They shouldn`t have done any interviews beyond TLC. That entire fight between Jon and Kate should have been broadcast on TLC for money.
[Miller:] I mean, I love the fact that it just occurs to him that maybe reality TV isn`t so good for the kids. I love that. When the checks were clearing he was fine with it.
[Diaz:] He`s about to find out that reality TV, when it`s gone and those checks are no longer there and he wants to be a career guy, it`s really tough to make $75,000 a week.
[Behar:] Really? That is true. That is hard.
[Smoove:] Bottom line is, Jon, go home, man. Go the hell home.
[Behar:] You think he`s watching this show?
[Smoove:] Go home, Jon. He`ll hear about this man even if he`s crazy. Go home Jon. Take your ass home Jon.
[Behar:] He`s a bad husband.
[Smoove:] Go home, man.
[Behar:] I understand that his wife might have a little show. But Jon`s girlfriend had this to say earlier this week after finding out he cheated on her. Take a look.
[Hailey Glassman, Jon Gosselin`s Ex-girlfriend:] He became a monster. Jon got really bad when he met the Hellers. He became a compulsive liar; just a monster after he met the Hellers. He started going downhill.
[Behar:] The Hellers are his management team and his lawyers and everything. She was very surprised. She`s cheating with a guy who`s married who has all these kids. Now she`s surprised that he`s the dishonorable man. Is that the height of hypocrisy or stupidity, which is it?
[Smoove:] Once someone goes too far and call you a monster monster is a big word. A monster?
[Diaz:] And amazingly, he was saying that they were soul mates just months ago, they were soul mates.
[Behar:] Now he`s a monster?
[Diaz:] Now he`s a monster. How do you go from soul mates to monster that quickly?
[Behar:] You can do that pretty easily. Have you ever been married? Trust me.
[Miller:] Here`s my favorite thing is when the reality people like the Jon and Kates and the Salahis now are just like, "This scrutiny is horrible. It`s scaring us." Do we have a reality show yet?
[Behar:] Thank you, guys, very much. If you`re in New York, make sure you catch JB Smoove performing at Comics Tonight this Sunday night. Up next, the rest of my interview with Levi Johnston; I can`t get enough of that boy.