Certainly, here's a revised version with shorter lines:

Verse 1:
Pip lived in poverty
Till a stranger set him free
Offered wealth and education
He wondered, "Who could this be?"

Chorus:
Great Expectations
On a journey filled with love
He met a convict, Miss Havisham too
And Estella, sent from above

Verse 2:
His heart was torn in two
Between love and loyalty
Estella raised to break men's hearts
But Pip's love for her, a work of art

Chorus:
Great Expectations
On a journey filled with love
He met a convict, Miss Havisham too
And Estella, sent from above

Bridge:
Pip learned the truth at last
Wealth and status don't always last
True love and friendship, that's the key
To a life of happiness, eternally

I think is concise and song like.
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