The word safe has been defined as a state in which one is without any harm or hurt (potential/actual). This suggests that while one is not under direct threat, they also don’t anticipate any kind of emotional or physical harm. This is one feeling which is experienced without much conscious thought, and people rarely inform each other that they ‘feel safe’. To connect to this feeling, one must get in touch with their inner sensations, this will help one to take charge of their emotions and body. In contrast, when one feels unsafe, they might feel scared and anxious with physiological symptoms such as sweating and increased heart rate, which are automatic responses (Preisler, 2013).
The feeling of safety in the discussion is cultivated from within through ‘emotional safety’. It is widely known how safety, permanence and well-being (Preisler, 2013) are prioritized for each individual while growing up. With each individual feeling safe from harm, having a permanent family and being well in all spheres of emotional, social, financial and physical security. However, this notion of safety was just compartmentalized to being free from physical abuse but needs to move from that to a broader idea of emotional/ or psychological safety.
Evolution of Feeling of Safety
The primitive nervous system is always on a lookout for threat. It gives constant attention to the potential or actual occurrence of danger in the environment since it remains unpredicted when one would be exposed to it. The autonomic nervous system comprises of the ‘sympathetic nervous system’ and ‘parasympathetic nervous system’. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is responsible for activating the body’s fight or flight response by increasing the heartbeat and rate of respiration. The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is involved in the rest and digest response. So if the SNS reduces the response time and prepares the body for potential danger, the PNS makes one slower and calmer. If the human body is a car, the sympathetic nervous system is acceleration, and parasympathetic nervous system pushes the brakes. In threat, the acceleration increases, which causes one to fight or flee. Whereas, when the brakes are put, the person engages in resting or passive behaviour which includes normal breathing, muscle relaxation and even freezing. Safety is not predictable in modern times as well, then why humans are not on a constant alert still?
Humans have evolved a refined mechanism where they have become more attuned to detecting danger through subtleties such as shifts in emotional states of close people. Although any stranger could be a potential threat, it is also adequately known that humans benefit from association with each other. To benefit from the other, each person must exhibit ‘safety cues’ or characteristics which encourage and invite others to participate. Humans started developing a need for socialization and a sense of belonging which led to the inception of a ‘higher social brain’ formally known as the “ventral vagal complex”. This was activated when one experienced safe cues such as a soothing voice, calming touch/gesture of peaceful imagery. All of these combined helped one to feel comfortable and secure in the presence of another person while making an emotional bond with them as well. It’s now known that feeling safe in the fact that people are essential to mental health and secure connections help one to create a meaningful and satisfying life. Surprisingly, research shows that when the need for safety is not met, one cannot fully achieve permanence within family nor can they enhance their well-being (Preisler, 2013). Since the body has a natural state of being on guard, of feeling emotionally close to someone, the defence systems must take a backseat. Research also shows that fear reduces playfulness and curiosity (Popova, 2016). To play, mate and nurture, one must feel safe by experiencing reciprocity through a focus on visceral feelings which helps the body to calm down, heal and grow.
On the other hand, in a situation where two parties involved are in conflict, they start to present expressions which convey distress like tensing of muscle, frowning or change in voice which elicits defence from the other side. This is an example of the situation where one would feel threatened; thus, act accordingly. Everyone doesn’t need to pay heed to their intuitive feelings. But when one experiences a prolonged state of stress related to feeling unsafe, their ability to detect safety cues in the environment reduces making them see danger where there is none (Popova, 2016). When the threat is misperceived, the responses associated with acute stress can still be overwhelming and prevent people from connecting with and getting close to others.
Source: Art by Oliver Jeffers from The Heart and the Bottle, an illustration describing what happens when difficult emotions are denied
Development of Feeling of Safety
In the most natural state, humans feel safe and calm by clinging to another human, this is formed by the initial relationships between a child and their caretaker. A secure base is formed between the two parties where the caretaker mirrors the need of the child, making them feel attended to and understood. This secure attachment, when combined with the promotion of self-competency, can help a child to develop an internal locus of control. This can promote learning of what feels good or bad and form an agency of their own which directs how they think and react towards a situation altering the outcomes. Securely attached kids learn soon enough that they can control some difficult situations and ask for help when needed.
However, children who did not experience such secure attachments realized that their actions such as crying, pleading or asking do not produce the desired outcome. Desired outcomes involve attention from the caregiver. Thus, they become conditioned to give up when faced with challenges. Since the caregiver is unable to provide after the needs and impulses of the child, they adjust themselves according to the caregiver’s needs. It results in discounting their own world becoming more detached from their inner sensations leading to a divergent pathway of unsafety.
One needs to understand here that the need for attachment doesn’t dilute with age; humans generally cannot disengage from fellow humans. Thus, if love, friendship or work doesn’t help fulfil that need, then illness or domestic issues will. This information about attachment helps to understand the link with safety, thereby reiterating the importance of interpersonal attention and innate need to connect with others by feeling safe with them. An important question that arises here is whether we relate to survive or survive to connect? (Grande, 2018)
What can be done to make each other feel safe?
For people who have experienced some trauma, Van der Kolk suggests them to begin by taking ownership of their body. This can be done by appreciating one’s body for taking good care. Also, recognize that one wants to be more aware of what they are feeling while trusting their instincts. Another step may be to observe oneself when overwhelmed or ashamed and finding a way to be calmer. It also helps to focus entirely on the present and engaging with those around rather than succumbing to self-isolation due to perceived harm (Popova, 2016). Lastly, its best to remind oneself and accept how the body continued to survive, however, acknowledging the need to now move past that survival phase. Helping one’s own body feel safe first is probably the best option for many. Some other ways one can do that are (Livingstone, n.d.):
Recognizing safety exists and one is deserving of it
Identify safe people, spaces or objects for self and write about them
Get enough sleep, food and movement
Leave relationships which feel untrustworthy
Find out the source of trigger within the self for healing
However, if one feels capable of offering it to others; Stephen Porges (2011) mentions the importance of providing safe social cues to individuals by pausing before responding. Taking a deep breath at the moment can help one get back in their body and out of the negative loop to react. Practising self-affirming statements like “I have faith I will be heard”, “I will try to put my concern in a way which is easy for the other to understand” can help too. Building compassion on these lines also helps and can cultivate sensitivity to one’s own need as well as that of the other. To feel safe one must also be able to believe that they can take care of themselves when the going gets tough, this can be achieved through motivational self-talk by stating things like “I am okay/safe” or “I will get through this”
When one is calm in responding to the other person, they emit safe cues for social interaction which will help the other person to react similarly. This is a beneficial way to reduce conflict but also to strengthen a relationship and create a ground where everyone feels heard. One can practice the following for safer relationships as well (Koenig, 2018):
Be curious to help someone rather than judging them
Provide validation to the person
Listen actively and attentively to the person’s experiences
When making a safe space for someone try not to retaliate or dominate them but approach with a collaborative hand
While prioritizing safety, it is essential to emphasize emotional safety over conflict resolution
Determine what the other person needs and help in the best possible way
Grande, D. (2018, September). The Neuroscience of Feeling Safe and Connected | Psychology Today. Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/201809/the-neuroscience-feeling-safe-and-connected
Koenig, K. (2018). How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship. https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/how-to-create-emotional-safety-in-a-relationship
Livingstone, B. (n.d.). The Importance of Feeling Safe - Wellness, Disease Prevention, And Stress Reduction Information. MentalHelp.Net. Retrieved October 8, 2020, from https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-importance-of-feeling-safe/
Popova, M. (2016). The Science of How Our Minds and Our Bodies Converge in the Healing of Trauma – Brain Pickings. Brain Pickings. https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/06/20/the-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk/
Preisler, J. (2013). Being Safe vs Feeling Safe. Fostering Perspectives, 17(2). https://fosteringperspectives.org/fpv17n2/psychological-safety.html
Neno salama limefafanuliwa kama hali ambayo mtu yuko bila madhara yoyote au kuumia (uwezekano wa kweli). Hii inaonyesha kwamba wakati mtu si chini ya tishio la moja kwa moja, wao pia hawana kutarajia aina yoyote ya madhara ya kihisia au kimwili. Hii ni hisia moja ambayo ni uzoefu bila mawazo mengi ya ufahamu, na watu mara chache taarifa kila mmoja kwamba wao <unk> kuhisi salama <unk>. Ili kuunganisha hisia hii, mtu lazima kuwasiliana na hisia zao za ndani, hii itamsaidia mtu kuchukua jukumu la hisia zao na mwili. Kwa upande mwingine, wakati mtu anajisikia hatarini, wanaweza kuhisi hofu na wasiwasi na dalili za kisaikolojia kama vile jasho na kuongezeka kwa moyo, ambayo ni majibu ya moja kwa moja (Preissler, 2013). Hisia ya usalama katika majadiliano ni kulimwa kutoka ndani kupitia <unk> usalama wa kihisia<unk>. Ni wazi kwamba usalama, kudumu na ustawi (Preissler, 2013) ni vipaumbele kwa kila mtu wakati wa kukua. Kila mtu anajisikia salama, ana familia ya kudumu, na ana afya katika nyanja zote za kihisia, kijamii, kifedha na kimwili. Hata hivyo, wazo hili la usalama lilikuwa limepangwa kuwa kuwa huru kutoka kwa unyanyasaji wa kimwili lakini linahitaji kuhamia kutoka hapo hadi wazo pana la usalama wa kihisia au kisaikolojia. Mageuzi ya Hisia ya Usalama Mfumo wa neva wa kale huwa daima unatafuta tisho. Ni kutoa tahadhari ya mara kwa mara kwa uwezekano au kutokea halisi ya hatari katika mazingira tangu bado unpredictable wakati mmoja ingekuwa wazi kwa hilo. Mfumo wa neva wa kujitegemea unajumuisha "mfumo wa neva ya hisia" na "mfumo wa neva wa hisia". Mfumo wa neva wa sympathetic (SNS) ni muhimu kwa ajili ya kupambana na mwili au kukimbia majibu kwa kuongeza moyo na kasi ya kupumua. Mfumo wa neva wa parasympathetic (PSN) unahusika katika mapumziko na majibu ya kumeng'enya. SNS hupunguza muda wa kujibu na kuandaa mwili kwa hatari ya uwezekano, PNS hufanya mtu kuwa polepole na mtulivu. Kama mwili wa binadamu ni gari, mfumo wa neva sympathetic ni kuongeza kasi, na mfumo wa neva parasympathetic kushinikiza breki. Katika tishio, kasi huongezeka, ambayo husababisha mtu kupigana au kukimbia. Wakati, wakati breki ni kuweka, mtu kushiriki katika mapumziko au tabia passively ambayo ni pamoja na kupumua kawaida, misuli relaxation na hata kufungia. Usalama haujulikani hata katika nyakati za kisasa, basi kwa nini wanadamu hawawezi kuwa macho daima? Wanadamu wamebuni utaratibu wa hali ya juu ambao umewasaidia zaidi kugundua hatari kupitia mambo madogo kama vile mabadiliko ya hali ya kihisia ya watu wa karibu. Ingawa mtu yeyote asiyemjua anaweza kuwa tisho, pia inajulikana vizuri kwamba wanadamu hufaidika kwa kushirikiana. Ili kufaidika na mwingine, kila mtu lazima kuonyesha "ishara za usalama" au sifa ambazo kuhamasisha na kuwakaribisha wengine kushiriki. Wanadamu walianza kuendeleza haja ya ushirika na hisia ya kuwa na uhusiano ambayo ilisababisha kuanzishwa kwa "ubongo wa juu wa kijamii" unaojulikana rasmi kama "ventral vagal complex". Hii ilianzishwa wakati mtu alipopata ishara salama kama vile sauti ya kutuliza, kugusa kutuliza au ishara ya picha ya amani. Yote haya pamoja yalimsaidia mtu kuhisi vizuri na salama katika uwepo wa mtu mwingine wakati wa kufanya uhusiano wa kihisia na wao pia. Sasa inajulikana kwamba kuhisi salama katika ukweli kwamba watu ni muhimu kwa afya ya akili na uhusiano salama kusaidia mtu kuunda maisha yenye maana na kuridhisha. Kwa kushangaza, utafiti unaonyesha kwamba wakati mahitaji ya usalama hayakutolewa, mtu hawezi kufikia uthabiti ndani ya familia au wanaweza kuongeza ustawi wao (Preissler, 2013). Kwa kuwa mwili una hali ya asili ya kuwa na ulinzi, ya kuhisi karibu kihisia kwa mtu, mifumo ya ulinzi lazima ichukue kiti cha nyuma. Utafiti pia unaonyesha kwamba hofu hupunguza ucheshi na udadisi (Popova, 2016). Ili kucheza, kuoa na kulea, mtu lazima ahisi salama kwa uzoefu wa kubadilishana kupitia kuzingatia hisia za ndani ambazo husaidia mwili kutulia, kupona na kukua. Kwa upande mwingine, katika hali ambapo pande mbili zinazohusika ziko katika mgogoro, huanza kutoa usemi ambao unaonyesha shida kama vile misuli ya misuli, frowning au mabadiliko ya sauti ambayo husababisha ulinzi kutoka kwa upande mwingine. Hii ni mfano wa hali ambapo mtu angejihisi hatarini; kwa hiyo, fanya hivyo. Kila mtu hahitaji kuzingatia hisia zake za ndani. Lakini wakati mtu anapopata hali ya muda mrefu ya mkazo kuhusiana na kujisikia salama, uwezo wao wa kugundua ishara za usalama katika mazingira hupungua na kuwafanya waone hatari ambapo hakuna (Popova, 2016). Wakati tishio ni misperceived, majibu kuhusishwa na mkazo mkali bado inaweza kuwa kubwa na kuzuia watu kuungana na kupata karibu na wengine. "Mfano wa Oliver Jeffers kutoka ""Moyo na chupa"" ni mfano unaoelezea kile kinachotokea wakati hisia ngumu zinakataliwa: ""Kujisikia salama"" Katika hali ya asili zaidi, wanadamu wanahisi salama na utulivu kwa kushikamana na mwanadamu mwingine, hii huundwa na uhusiano wa awali kati ya mtoto na mlinzi wake." Hatua hii huunda msingi salama kati ya pande mbili ambapo mtunzaji huonyesha mahitaji ya mtoto, akifanya wahisi wanahudumiwa na kueleweka. Kuunganishwa kwa usalama, kunapounganishwa na kukuza uwezo wa kujitegemea, kunaweza kumsaidia mtoto asitawishe uwezo wa kujidhibiti. Hii inaweza kukuza kujifunza ya nini anahisi nzuri au mbaya na kuunda shirika yao wenyewe ambayo inaelekeza jinsi wanavyofikiri na kuitikia hali inayobadilisha matokeo. Watoto wenye uhusiano wa karibu hujifunza mapema kwamba wanaweza kudhibiti hali fulani ngumu na kuomba msaada wanapohitajiwa. Hata hivyo, watoto ambao hawakuwahi kupata uhusiano wa karibu kama huo walitambua kwamba matendo yao kama vile kulia, kuomba, au kuomba hayatokezi matokeo yanayotarajiwa. Matokeo yanayotarajiwa yanahusisha uangalifu kutoka kwa mtoa huduma. Hivyo, wao huwa na mwelekeo wa kukata tamaa wanapokabili magumu. Kwa kuwa mtunzaji hawezi kutosheleza mahitaji na matakwa ya mtoto, wao hujirekebisha kulingana na mahitaji ya mtunzaji. Hii inaongoza kwa kupuuza ulimwengu wao wenyewe na kuwa mbali zaidi na hisia zao za ndani zinazoongoza kwenye njia tofauti ya kutokuwa salama. Mtu anahitaji kuelewa hapa kwamba haja ya kiungo haipunguzwi na umri; wanadamu kwa ujumla hawawezi kujitenga na wanadamu wenzao. Hivyo, ikiwa upendo, urafiki au kazi haisaidii kutimiza uhitaji huo, basi ugonjwa au masuala ya nyumbani yatasaidia. Taarifa hii kuhusu kiungo husaidia kuelewa uhusiano na usalama, na hivyo kurudia umuhimu wa tahadhari ya kati ya watu na haja ya asili ya kuunganisha na wengine kwa kujisikia salama pamoja nao. Swali muhimu ambalo linatokea hapa ni kama tunahusiana ili kuokoka au kuishi ili kuunganisha? (Mwanzo, 2018) Ni nini kinachohitajika ili kuimarisha uhusiano wa kibinafsi? Kwa wale ambao wamepitia majeraha, Van der Kolk anapendekeza kwamba waanze kwa kuchukua umiliki wa mwili wao. Hilo laweza kufanywa kwa kuthamini mwili wa mtu kwa kuutunza vizuri. Pia, tambua kwamba mtu anataka kujua zaidi jinsi anavyohisi huku akitegemea hisia zake. Hatua nyingine inaweza kuwa kuchunguza mwenyewe wakati overwhelmed au aibu na kupata njia ya kuwa utulivu. Pia inasaidia kuzingatia kabisa wakati wa sasa na kushirikiana na wale walio karibu badala ya kujitenga kwa sababu ya madhara ya kuonekana (Popova, 2016). Mwishowe, ni bora kujikumbusha na kukubali jinsi mwili uliendelea kuishi, hata hivyo, ukikubali haja ya sasa kupita hatua hiyo ya kuishi. Kumsaidia mwili wa mtu mwenyewe kuhisi salama kwanza labda ni chaguo bora kwa wengi. "Kama vile, ""Kutambua usalama upo na mtu anastahili kuupokea"" ni muhimu sana, ""Kutambua watu salama, nafasi au vitu kwa ajili ya mtu mwenyewe na kuandika juu yao, kupata usingizi wa kutosha, chakula na shughuli, kuacha mahusiano ambayo hujisikia kutoaminika, kupata chanzo cha kichocheo ndani ya mtu mwenyewe kwa uponyaji, ikiwa mtu anahisi uwezo wa kutoa kwa wengine.""" Kupumua kwa kina kwa wakati huu kunaweza kumsaidia mtu kurudi ndani ya mwili wake na kutoka kwenye mzunguko hasi ili kujibu. Kufanya mazoezi ya taarifa za kujithibitisha kama vile "Nina imani nitasikilishwa", "Nitajaribu kuweka wasiwasi wangu kwa njia ambayo ni rahisi kwa mwingine kuelewa" inaweza kusaidia pia. Kujenga huruma juu ya mistari hii pia husaidia na inaweza kukuza hisia kwa mahitaji ya mtu mwenyewe kama vile ile ya mwingine. "Kujisikia salama mtu lazima pia awe na uwezo wa kuamini kwamba wanaweza kujitunza wenyewe wakati mambo yanapokuwa magumu, hii inaweza kupatikana kupitia mazungumzo ya motisha ya kibinafsi kwa kusema mambo kama ""Mimi niko sawa"" au ""Nitaweza kupitia hii"" Wakati mtu ni utulivu katika kujibu mtu mwingine, hutoa ishara salama kwa mwingiliano wa kijamii ambayo itamsaidia mtu mwingine kujibu sawa." Hii ni njia nzuri ya kupunguza migogoro, lakini pia kuimarisha uhusiano na kuunda msingi ambapo kila mtu anahisi kusikilizwa. "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika makala ya ""Kuweka Mtazamo wa Usalama"" ya Koenig, ""Kuwa na hamu ya kumsaidia mtu badala ya kumhukumu, kumpa mtu uthibitisho, kusikiliza kwa bidii na kwa makini uzoefu wa mtu, wakati wa kufanya nafasi ya usalama kwa mtu, jaribu kutomlipiza au kumtawala, lakini fikia kwa mkono wa ushirikiano, wakati wa kuweka kipaumbele usalama, ni muhimu kusisitiza usalama wa kihisia juu ya utatuzi wa mgogoro.""" Sayansi ya neva ya kuhisi salama na kuunganishwa _ Psychology Today. "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika makala ya ""Usaidizi wa Kisaikolojia"" ya ""Sayansi ya Saikolojia: Kujisikia salama na Kuunganishwa"" ya Koenig, K. (2018), ""Usaidizi wa kisaikolojia: Kujisikia salama na kuunganishwa"" ni mojawapo ya masomo ya kisayansi." Jinsi ya Kujenga Usalama wa Kihisabati Katika Uhusiano "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika makala ya ""Kuchukua hatua za haraka katika kuimarisha uhusiano wa kimapenzi"" na Livingstone, B." (N.d.). Umuhimu wa Kujisikia Usalama - Habari Kuhusu Afya, Kuzuia Magonjwa, na Kupunguza Mkazo. Msaada wa Kiroho.Net. "Kutoka kwa ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020"" na ""Mwanzoni mwa 2020.""" Sayansi ya Jinsi Akili Zetu na Miili Yetu Inavyolingana katika Uponyaji wa Trauma <unk> Uchaguzi wa Ubongo. Uchaguzi wa ubongo. "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika makala ya ""Brain Picking"" ya mwaka 2016 ya J.J. Preisler, ""The Body Keeps the Score"" ya mwaka 2016 ya J.J. Preisler, ""The Body Keeps the Score"" ya mwaka 2016 ya J.J." (2013). Kuwa salama dhidi ya kuhisi salama. Kuendeleza Maoni, 17 (2) "Mfano: ""Fostering Perspectives"" (FPS) ni kifungu cha ""Psychological Safety"" (Safety ya kisaikolojia)."