A symbiotic relationship is a type of relationship between different species in which both species derive a mutual benefit. This can be seen in relationships such as mutualism, where both species benefit, commensalism, where one species benefits and the other is not affected, and parasitism, where one species benefits at the expense of the other.
It is usual for a person in love to find it difficult to see the person they love suffers. However, for some people this experience becomes so distressing that they cannot tolerate the discomfort of the other person, coming to feel responsible for it and trying to alleviate it at all costs.
These people believe that if their partner feels pain it is their responsibility or fault, so they must make all kinds of efforts so that they do not feel sad, alone, etc. However, the belief that another person’s pain is our responsibility can be problematic, leading to an unhealthy way of relating: a symbiotic relationship. In this article, we explain what a symbiotic relationship is and how to break it.
Breaking a symbiotic relationship depends on the type of relationship and the species involved. For example, in mutualism, removing one species from the environment may negatively impact both species. In parasitism, controlling the population of the parasite species or finding alternative hosts may help break the relationship. However, it is important to consider the potential consequences of breaking symbiotic relationships, as it may have unintended effects on the ecosystem as a whole.
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What is a symbiotic couple relationship?
In a romantic relationship, it is necessary to have the security that is created when both members recognize the other as an independent person with their own interests and concerns outside of the relationship. On the contrary, in a symbiotic relationship, the characteristics that make people unique are perceived as a threat, so they try to suppress themselves.
In a desire to unite with the other, symbiotic relationships create a fusion between two people who feel incomplete and cannot function without the psychological or real presence of the other. Generally, one member of the relationship assumes the leadership and protection of her partner, while the other is characterized by a fragility that prevents him from taking control of her life.
Examples of symbiotic relationships
Here are some examples of symbiotic relationships:
- A person feels guilty for his spouse’s discomfort and cannot tolerate his anger, so he constantly belittles him, ignores his partner, does not listen to him, or resorts to sarcasm. The other person responds with more anger, trying to be heard. They both share the belief that their pain is the other’s responsibility.
- A person insults and belittles the interests of his partner, making him feel that they are meaningless or ridiculous. Her partner, embarrassed, renounces her aspirations to please the other person. Both are afraid of abandonment, but while the first person expresses it through criticism, the second does so by accommodating.
Characteristics of symbiotic couple relationships
We can recognize symbiotic couple relationships through the following criteria:
- Limited ability to be aware, respectful, and appreciate the identity of the partner outside of the relationship. The aspects that differentiate the person from the relationship are perceived as a threat so that they can be questioned and rejected.
- It is assumed that the couple should behave, based on their own needs and preferences. There may be a loss of empathy and the partner is treated as if they were an object instead of an individual person. This is known as “reification.”
- One or both partners feel responsible for the other’s emotions. This frequently results in emotional overflow, with which they feed this emotion back to their partner as well. In the long run, intimacy ends up being an exhausting experience.
- The couple’s relationship is the only source of support. Family and social networks are reduced due to conflicts with the family of origin or external sources of tension.
- Better adjustment to the beginning of the relationship that is maintained under high expectations, support, and validation in the face of the progressive weakening of one of its members.
- The appearance of conflicts is a consequence of the lack of individual recognition, refusal to set aside personal projects, not receiving the expected emotional support, and/or emotional blackmail from the partner who appears to be fragile or dependent on the relationship. Find out how to get out of emotional blackmail in this article.
- Two main tendencies in which the conflict is handled. On the one hand, the total avoidance of competition, where both people do not allow themselves to have a different opinion (symbiotic dynamics). On the other hand, constant fights in which both members of the couple do not find space for their differences (symbiotic-hostile dynamics). If this is your case, you can check this article about I argue a lot with my partner over nonsense: what do I do?
- The reasons for staying in the relationship are usually fear of loneliness, the need for company, and the desire to establish a serious relationship and share a vital project.
How to break a symbiotic relationship
Sometimes people are guided by two powers that pull us in alternate directions. On the one hand, the need to have a close connection and to be loved, and on the other, the desire to maintain our individuality and autonomy. However, in a symbiotic relationship, people often find themselves between one of these two forces, feeling the need to choose between being themselves or being close to their partner.
So how do we eliminate this tendency to “objectify” our partner? To break the symbiosis in the couple it is necessary to see our partner as a person separated from the relationship. This is the way to achieve not only a deeper connection but also to have healthier relationships with others and with oneself.
According to Harvillle Hendrix, reciprocity between two people who are differentiated and separated, but connected at the same time, is the beginning of true love. This process is known as differentiation.
How to establish differentiation in a symbiotic couple relationship
As symbiosis diminishes (“you and I are one”), differentiation arises (“you and I are different and that’s okay”). Differentiation is not isolation or loneliness, but the ability to balance autonomy and proximity so that both needs are not exclusive.
When we differentiate ourselves, we learn to stay connected to our thoughts, values, and feelings, while staying close to significant people in our lives. For differentiation to occur, the following is necessary:
- Disrupt the predominant dynamic of the relationship: leave behind the fantasy of joining or merging the couple and celebrate their autonomy.
- Recognize and accept your own differences and those of your partner: consider them as strengths and not as threats. Explore the beliefs, preferences, and vulnerabilities of each member of the couple to achieve a more personal positioning.
- Learn to tolerate the initial discomfort that differences can generate and assume a clearer individual position. This is essential to be able to make decisions freely, both inside and outside the context of the relationship.
- Replace judgments with curiosity and knowledge of the partner: in this way, we discover and accept the reality of our partner. When both people really get to know each other, the space between them becomes fertile ground for experiencing a deeper connection.
- Empathy Restoration – When we expand our ability to differentiate ourselves from our partners, we break the symbiotic fusion. Empathy is the emotion that prevents us from being able to differentiate ourselves, without losing the humanity of the couple. It is not enough to understand that the couple is different, we must also have empathy for their difference.
It is important to foster empathy in a conflict situation, since without empathy the “not me” can become “not human” and “not worth worrying about”. Empathy keeps the connection alive between people whose differences might drive them apart. In this way, we ultimately turn empathy into connection. In the following article, you will find more information on how to have a healthy relationship.
This article is simply for informational purposes we do not have the ability to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What is a symbiotic relationship and how to break it? we recommend that you enter our Relationships category.
Uhusiano wa symbiotic ni aina ya uhusiano kati ya spishi tofauti ambapo spishi zote mbili hupata faida ya pande zote mbili. Hii inaweza kuonekana katika mahusiano kama vile mutualism, ambapo spishi zote mbili zinanufaika, commensalism, ambapo spishi moja inanufaika na nyingine haathiriwi, na parasitism, ambapo spishi moja inanufaika kwa gharama ya nyingine. Ni kawaida kwa mtu aliye na upendo kupata ugumu wa kumwona mtu anayempenda akiteseka. Hata hivyo, kwa watu wengine, uzoefu huo huwa wenye kusumbua sana hivi kwamba hawawezi kuvumilia hali mbaya ya mtu mwingine, na hivyo wanahisi kuwa na daraka la kumsaidia na kujaribu kumsaidia kwa njia yoyote ile. Watu hawa wanaamini kwamba ikiwa mwenzi wao anahisi maumivu ni jukumu lao au kosa, kwa hivyo lazima wafanye juhudi za kila aina ili wasijihisi huzuni, peke yao, nk. Hata hivyo, imani kwamba maumivu ya mtu mwingine ni wajibu wetu inaweza kuwa na tatizo, na kusababisha njia isiyo na afya ya kuhusiana: uhusiano symbiotic. Katika makala hii, tutaeleza uhusiano wa ukaribu ni nini na jinsi ya kuuvunja. Kuvunja uhusiano wa ushirikiano hutegemea aina ya uhusiano na spishi zinazohusika. Kwa mfano, katika ushirikiano, kuondoa spishi moja kutoka kwa mazingira kunaweza kuathiri vibaya spishi zote mbili. Katika parasitism, kudhibiti idadi ya spishi za vimelea au kupata majeshi mbadala inaweza kusaidia kuvunja uhusiano. Hata hivyo, ni muhimu kuzingatia matokeo ya uwezekano wa kuvunja mahusiano ya symbiotic, kama inaweza kuwa na athari zisizotarajiwa juu ya mazingira kwa ujumla. Mfuatano wa Mambo ya Ndani Uhusiano wa Wenzi wa Ndoa wa Urafiki ni nini? Katika uhusiano wa kimapenzi, ni muhimu kuwa na usalama ambao huundwa wakati wanachama wote wawili wanamtambua mwingine kama mtu huru na maslahi yao na wasiwasi nje ya uhusiano. Katika mahusiano ya symbiotic, sifa ambazo hufanya watu wa pekee huonekana kama tishio, kwa hivyo hujaribu kujizuia. Katika hamu ya kuungana na mwingine, mahusiano ya symbiotic huunda mchanganyiko kati ya watu wawili ambao wanahisi kuwa hawajakamilika na hawawezi kufanya kazi bila uwepo wa kisaikolojia au halisi wa mwingine. Kwa ujumla, mwanachama mmoja wa uhusiano huchukua uongozi na ulinzi wa mwenzi wake, wakati mwingine huonyeshwa na udhaifu ambao humzuia kuchukua udhibiti wa maisha yake. Mfano wa mahusiano ya symbiotic: Mtu anajisikia hatia kwa sababu ya usumbufu wa mwenzi wake na hawezi kuvumilia hasira yake, kwa hivyo daima anamdharau, anamdharau mwenzi wake, haimsikilizi, au hutumia ucheshi. Mtu mwingine huitikia kwa hasira zaidi, akijaribu kusikilizwa. Wote wawili wanashiriki imani kwamba maumivu yao ni wajibu wa mwingine. - Mtu humtukana na kudharau mapendezi ya mwenzi wake, akifanya ahisi kwamba hayana maana au ni ya kipumbavu. Mshirika wake, akiwa amechanganyikiwa, anakataa tamaa zake ili kumfurahisha mtu mwingine. Wote wawili wanaogopa kuachwa, lakini wakati mtu wa kwanza anaonyesha hilo kupitia uchambuzi, wa pili hufanya hivyo kwa kukubaliana. Urafiki wa wanandoa wa symbiotic unaweza kuonekana kwa njia ya sifa zifuatazo: Mambo ambayo hutofautisha mtu kutoka kwa uhusiano huonwa kama tishio ili waweze kuhojiwa na kukataliwa. - Inadhaniwa kwamba wenzi wa ndoa wanapaswa kujiendesha, kulingana na mahitaji na mapendezi yao wenyewe. Inaweza kuwa na hasara ya hisia-mwenzi na mpenzi hutendewa kana kwamba wao ni kitu badala ya mtu binafsi. Hii inajulikana kama <unk>reification.<unk> - Mmoja au wenzi wote wawili wanahisi kuwa na jukumu la hisia za mwingine. Mara nyingi hilo husababisha msukosuko wa kihisia-moyo, ambao huelekeza hisia hizo kwa mwenzi wao pia. Kwa muda mrefu, urafiki wa karibu huishia kuwa jambo lenye kuchosha sana. - Uhusiano wa wenzi wa ndoa ndio chanzo pekee cha utegemezo. Familia na mitandao ya kijamii hupunguzwa kwa sababu ya migogoro na familia ya asili au vyanzo vya nje vya mvutano. - Marekebisho bora kwa mwanzo wa uhusiano ambao huhifadhiwa chini ya matarajio ya juu, msaada, na uthibitisho katika uso wa udhaifu wa hatua kwa hatua wa mmoja wa wanachama wake. - Kuonekana kwa migogoro ni matokeo ya ukosefu wa utambuzi wa mtu binafsi, kukataa kuweka kando miradi ya kibinafsi, kutopokea msaada wa kihisia unaotarajiwa, na au unyanyasaji wa kihisia kutoka kwa mwenzi ambaye anaonekana kuwa dhaifu au anayegemea uhusiano. Tafuta jinsi ya kuepuka kutishwa na hisia katika makala hii. - Mwelekeo mbili kuu katika ambayo mgogoro ni kushughulikiwa. Kwa upande mmoja, kuepuka kabisa ushindani, ambapo watu wote wawili hawawezi kuruhusu wenyewe kuwa na maoni tofauti (symbiotic nguvu). Kwa upande mwingine, mapigano ya daima ambayo wanachama wote wawili wa wanandoa hawapati nafasi ya tofauti zao (mtazamo wa uhasama wa uhasama). Ikiwa hii ni kesi yako, unaweza kuangalia makala hii kuhusu Mimi kujadili mengi na mpenzi wangu juu ya nonsense: nini mimi kufanya? Sababu za kukaa katika uhusiano ni kawaida hofu ya upweke, haja ya kampuni, na hamu ya kuanzisha uhusiano mkubwa na kushiriki mradi muhimu. Jinsi ya kuvunja uhusiano wa symbiotic Wakati mwingine watu huongozwa na nguvu mbili ambazo hutuvuta katika mwelekeo tofauti. Kwa upande mmoja, tunahitaji kuwa na uhusiano wa karibu na kupendwa, na kwa upande mwingine, tunataka kudumisha utu wetu na uhuru. Katika mahusiano ya symbiotic, watu mara nyingi hujikuta kati ya moja ya nguvu hizi mbili, wakihisi haja ya kuchagua kati ya kuwa wao wenyewe au kuwa karibu na mwenzi wao. Kwa hiyo tunawezaje kuondoa mwelekeo huu wa "kufanya mwenzi wetu awe kitu"? Ili kuvunja symbiosis katika wanandoa ni muhimu kuona mpenzi wetu kama mtu kutengwa na uhusiano. Hii ni njia ya kufikia sio tu uhusiano wa kina lakini pia kuwa na mahusiano mazuri na wengine na na mwenyewe. Harvile Hendrix aliwahi kusema kuwa uhusiano kati ya watu wawili tofauti na tofauti, lakini waliounganishwa wakati huo huo, ndio mwanzo wa upendo wa kweli. Utaratibu huo unaitwa kutofautisha. Jinsi ya kuanzisha tofauti katika uhusiano wa wanandoa wa symbiotic Kama symbiosis hupungua (<unk>wewe na mimi ni moja<unk>), tofauti hutokea (<unk>wewe na mimi ni tofauti na hiyo <unk> ni sawa<unk>). Tofauti si kutengwa au upweke, lakini uwezo wa kusawazisha uhuru na ukaribu ili mahitaji yote mawili hayana tofauti. Tunapojipatanisha, tunajifunza kukaa na mawazo, maadili, na hisia zetu, wakati tunabaki karibu na watu muhimu maishani mwetu. Ili tofauti kutokea, yafuatayo ni muhimu: - Kuvuruga nguvu kuu ya uhusiano: kuacha nyuma ya ndoto ya kujiunga au kuunganisha wanandoa na kusherehekea uhuru wao. - Kutambua na kukubali tofauti zako mwenyewe na zile za mwenzi wako: kuzifikiria kama nguvu na si kama vitisho. Chunguza itikadi, mapendezi, na udhaifu wa kila mshiriki wa wenzi wa ndoa ili kupata msimamo wa kibinafsi zaidi. - Jifunze kuvumilia usumbufu wa awali ambao tofauti zinaweza kuzalisha na kuchukua msimamo wa kibinafsi ulio wazi zaidi. Hii ni muhimu ili kuweza kufanya maamuzi kwa uhuru, ndani na nje ya muktadha wa uhusiano. - Badilisha hukumu na udadisi na maarifa ya mpenzi: kwa njia hii, tunagundua na kukubali ukweli wa mpenzi wetu. Watu wanapojitambulisha, nafasi iliyo kati yao inakuwa ardhi yenye rutuba ya kuunganisha zaidi. - Empathy Restoration <unk> Wakati sisi kupanua uwezo wetu wa kutofautisha wenyewe kutoka washirika wetu, sisi kuvunja muungano symbiotic. Uelewa ni hisia ambayo inatuzuia kutofautisha wenyewe, bila kupoteza ubinadamu wa wanandoa. Haitoshi tu kuelewa kwamba wanandoa ni tofauti, lazima pia tuwe na hisia-mwenzi kwa tofauti zao. Ni muhimu kukuza hisia-mwenzi katika hali ya mgogoro, tangu bila hisia-mwenzi "si mimi" inaweza kuwa "si binadamu" na "si thamani ya kuwa na wasiwasi kuhusu". Hisia-mwenzi huhifadhi uhusiano kati ya watu ambao tofauti zao zaweza kuwafanya watengane. Kwa njia hii, hatimaye tunageuza hisia-mwenzi kuwa uhusiano. Katika makala inayofuata, utapata habari zaidi kuhusu jinsi ya kuwa na uhusiano mzuri. Makala hii ni kwa ajili ya habari tu, hatuna uwezo wa kufanya utambuzi au kupendekeza matibabu. Tunakualika uende kwa mwanasaikolojia kutibu kesi yako hususa. Ikiwa unataka kusoma makala zaidi zinazofanana na Uhusiano wa symbiotic ni nini na jinsi ya kuuvunja? Tunapendekeza uingie katika jamii yetu ya mahusiano.