Proverbs can be powerful catalysts for growth and healing. We often rely on them in our darkest and most susceptible moments or as reservoirs of resilience along our paths. We rarely stop to question them or the impact that they have on those who receive them, though we only mean to help, encourage and uplift. Nevertheless, our words and our authenticity carry weight in the lives of those around us and we may want to think critically about the intention behind them. Here ae 5 commonly said proverbs that might need some rethinking.
1. “Time heals all wounds.”
Healing is rarely ever a linear experience and it can involve a number of things. It can take quite a bit of introspection, reflection, and neuropathic rewiring. It can mean community, counseling, and many actionable steps that get us to our most resilient self. Time may soften the blow when it comes to devastating events or conflicts, but it does not heal all wounds.
Action is more often than not needed to heal and move forward buoyantly. When we have a physical injury, we need to address the source of the pain or fracture following the event and not too much time after so that our injuries don’t heal incorrectly or lead to further issues. Sometimes, letting time simply do its thing creates further harm and impact.
Likewise, when it comes to our emotional wounds, too much time passing can create space for us to form beliefs that do not serve us and keep us in an unhealthy cycle. It is safe to say that we can give space where space is needed and still treat our emotional injuries like we do our physical injuries: examine them, bandage them, reflect on what led to them, find a treatment that gets you back to full range of motion (service to others, solitude and reflection, therapy, passions, rest, community–or all of the above!), and overall, have patience.
2.”Be the bigger person.”
It is true that we ought not sabotage our morals in response to provocation. However, telling someone (or even ourselves) to be the bigger person puts all the pressure and onus of resolving conflict on one party to turn the other cheek whilst also ignoring the root of the conflict as well as the person who initiated. In many cases, this statement may be used as subterfuge to avoid addressing a toxic recurring habit in individuals. Accountability is important in every form of conflict resolution.
The more we rely on others to “be the bigger person”, the more we enable unhealthy behaviors in others and betray our peers who are pressured by the responsibility of enduring offense. It’s vital not to enable bullying, offense, or intimidation by relying on unwilling parties to simply not stoop. Maintaining our values and holding others accountable are equally achievable.
3. “Never settle.”
No one should settle for less than they are comfortable with. However, we all get what we settle for even if we settle for our own indecisiveness. It is important to make the distinction between settling for something that does not bring about joy, development, or purpose, and settling for something that does not live up to all of our criteria. Sometimes never settling keeps us from seeing the good in things.
Whether with people or with opportunities, we all face disappointment in those we love and in the livelihoods we choose at some eventual point. Life is tumultuous, pain and setback are unavoidable truths, and nothing we attain is unblemished. Nothing is ever going to be perfect or made to suit our wants and needs so seamlessly.
It is alright to give ourselves permission to settle when and where it makes sense and to do so where we’re growing as well as for the sake of growing. At the point in which not settling is creating a perpetual cycle of unhappiness, lack of fulfilment, choice paralysis, and arrested development, perhaps we can reevaluate what it is we’re not settling for and whether or not we’ve set the bar in a realistic place. Eventually, we all settle.
4. “You can’t love someone until you heal yourself.”
The topic of inner healing and positivity are all the rage in 2022. However, it’s necessary to differentiate between positive self-talk and limiting ourselves for the sake of productivity and development. We ought not stop looking for inner healing and peace whether or not we’re in love. Using the need to heal and work on ourselves as a means to reject love is self-defeating.
Relational healing is a part of life and self development is necessary in all stages, not just the single stage. No one can be their very best all of the time so being open to healthy relationships that nourish our souls and help us to see the picture fully can be a deeply healing journey. Simply put, whether you’re down and out or flying high–it is not a sign of weakness or immaturity to let others love you.
5. “The best things in life are free.”
In theory, this expression is a wonderful belief when we compare our capacity for love, friendship, good health, and joy to our attitudes surrounding consumerism. Those things shouldn’t cost a thing. Realistically, however, each of these comes at a price. Every relationship, whether romantic or platonic, takes a great amount of effort, patience, and work. Where good health is concerned, this requires achieving balance through exercise, eating, and mental wellness- all things that can envelope us physically and emotionally.
Creating joy or fulfillment requires a lot of self-examination, trial, and error and let’s be honest, money may not buy happiness but it does sure help. Many of these areas do not come to us effortlessly or even freely, and they require quite a bit of ourselves and some level of sacrifice. Suffice it to say some of the best things in life, more often than not, are worked on and maintained.
Mithali inaweza kuwa kichocheo chenye nguvu cha ukuzi na uponyaji. Mara nyingi tunategemea katika nyakati zetu za giza na za hatari zaidi au kama hifadhi ya nguvu katika njia zetu. Mara chache tunasimama kuhoji maoni yao au athari wanayo kuwa nayo kwa wale wanaowakubali, ingawa tunamaanisha tu kusaidia, kuhamasisha na kuinua. Hata hivyo, maneno yetu na uhalisi wetu huathiri maisha ya wale wanaotuzunguka, na huenda tukataka kufikiria kwa uzito nia iliyo nyuma yao. Hapa kuna misemo mitano ya kawaida ambayo inaweza kuhitaji kufikiria tena. 1. Uwe na mtazamo wa kweli Wakati huponya majeraha yote, na uponyaji ni uzoefu wa moja kwa moja na unaweza kuhusisha mambo kadhaa. Inaweza kuchukua kidogo ya introspection, tafakari, na neuropathic rewiring. Inaweza kumaanisha jamii, ushauri, na hatua nyingi zinazoweza kutekelezwa ambazo zinatufikisha kwa nafsi yetu yenye nguvu zaidi. Wakati unaweza kupunguza madhara ya matukio yenye kuangamiza au migogoro, lakini hauwezi kuponya majeraha yote. Mara nyingi hatua huhitajiwa ili kupona na kusonga mbele kwa nguvu. Wakati tuna jeraha la kimwili, tunahitaji kushughulikia chanzo cha maumivu au kuvunjika baada ya tukio hilo na sio muda mrefu baada ya hivyo jeraha zetu haziponyeki vibaya au kusababisha masuala zaidi. Nyakati nyingine, kuruhusu wakati ufanye kazi yake tu husababisha madhara na athari zaidi. Vivyo hivyo, inapokuja kwa majeraha yetu ya kihisia, kupita kwa muda kunaweza kutufanya tuwe na imani ambazo hazitutumiki na kutufanya tuendelee katika mzunguko usio na afya. Ni salama kusema kwamba tunaweza kutoa nafasi ambapo nafasi inahitajika na bado kutibu majeraha yetu ya kihisia kama tunavyofanya majeraha yetu ya kimwili: kuchunguza yao, bandage yao, kutafakari juu ya nini imesababisha yao, kupata matibabu ambayo anapata wewe nyuma ya mbalimbali kamili ya mwendo (huduma kwa wengine, upweke na tafakari, tiba, shauku, mapumziko, jamii au yote ya juu! Kwa ujumla, kuwa na subira. "Kama mtu wa ""mwenye nguvu"" ni lazima tuwe na ""maadili ya kuaminika"" kwa sababu ya changamoto." Hata hivyo, kumwambia mtu (au hata sisi wenyewe) kuwa mtu mkubwa huweka shinikizo na mzigo wa kutatua mgogoro kwa upande mmoja kugeuza shavu lingine wakati pia ukipuuza mzizi wa mgogoro na mtu aliyeanzisha. Katika visa vingi, taarifa hii inaweza kutumika kama ujanja ili kuepuka kushughulikia tabia ya sumu ya mara kwa mara katika watu binafsi. Uwajibikaji ni muhimu katika kila aina ya utatuzi wa migogoro. Kadiri tunavyotegemea wengine kuwa'mtu mkubwa' ndivyo tunavyowezesha tabia zisizo za afya kwa wengine na kuwatendea vibaya wenzao ambao wanakabiliwa na shinikizo la kuwajibika kwa kosa la kudumu. Ni muhimu kutoruhusu unyanyasaji, kukasirisha, au kutisha kwa kutegemea pande zisizotaka tu kutoshuka. Kudumisha maadili yetu na kuwajibisha wengine ni jambo linaloweza kufikiwa kwa usawa. 3. Uwe na mtazamo wa kweli "Usiache kamwe. ""Hakuna mtu anayepaswa kukubali chini ya kile anachokihisi kuwa vizuri." Hata hivyo, sisi sote hupata kile tunachokubali hata ikiwa tunakubali kutokuwa na uamuzi. Ni muhimu kutofautisha kati ya kukubali kitu ambacho hakileti furaha, maendeleo, au kusudi, na kukubali kitu ambacho hakifai viwango vyetu vyote. Nyakati nyingine kutokubali kamwe kunatuzuia tusione mema katika mambo. Kama ni kwa watu au kwa fursa, sisi sote tunakabiliwa na kukata tamaa katika wale tunaowapenda na katika njia za kuishi tunazochagua wakati fulani. Maisha ni magumu, maumivu na mapungufu ni ukweli usioweza kuepukika, na hakuna kitu tunachopata ambacho hakina kasoro. Hakuna kitu ambacho kitakuwa kamilifu au kilichotengenezwa ili kukidhi mahitaji na matakwa yetu kwa urahisi. Ni sawa kujipa ruhusa ya kukaa wakati na mahali ambapo ina maana na kufanya hivyo ambapo sisi ni kukua kama vile kwa ajili ya kukua. Katika hatua ambayo kutokubaliana ni kuunda mzunguko wa daima wa huzuni, ukosefu wa kutimiza, kupooza kwa chaguo, na maendeleo yaliyowekwa, labda tunaweza kutathmini tena ni nini sisi si kukubaliana na ikiwa tumeweka bar katika mahali halisi. Hatimaye, sisi sote tunakubaliana. 4. Uwe na uhakika "Huwezi kumpenda mtu mpaka ujiponye mwenyewe."" Mada ya uponyaji wa ndani na uboreshaji ni hasira zote katika 2022. Hata hivyo, ni muhimu kutofautisha kati ya mazungumzo mazuri ya ndani na kujizuia kwa ajili ya uzalishaji na maendeleo. Hatupaswi kuacha kutafuta uponyaji wa ndani na amani iwe tumependana au la. Kutumia uhitaji wa kupona na kufanya kazi juu yetu wenyewe kama njia ya kukataa upendo ni kujishinda. Uponyaji wa mahusiano ni sehemu ya maisha na maendeleo ya kibinafsi ni muhimu katika hatua zote, si hatua moja tu. Hakuna mtu anayeweza kuwa bora wakati wote, kwa hivyo kuwa wazi kwa mahusiano mazuri ambayo yanalisha roho zetu na kutusaidia kuona picha kamili inaweza kuwa safari ya uponyaji wa kina. Kwa ufupi, iwe wewe ni chini na nje au kuruka juu si ishara ya udhaifu au ukosefu wa ukomavu kuruhusu wengine upendo wewe. 5. Uwe na mtazamo mzuri. "Vitu bora katika maisha ni bure. ""Kuna maoni ya kwamba ni imani ya ajabu wakati sisi kulinganisha uwezo wetu wa upendo, urafiki, afya nzuri, na furaha na mitazamo yetu kuzunguka utumiaji." Vitu hivyo havipaswi kugharimu chochote. Hata hivyo, kila moja ya mambo hayo ina bei yake. Kila uhusiano, iwe wa kimapenzi au wa kimaplatoni, huhitaji jitihada nyingi, subira, na kazi. Kwa habari ya afya nzuri, hii inahitaji kufikia usawa kupitia mazoezi, kula, na afya ya akili - mambo yote ambayo yanaweza kutufunika kimwili na kihisia. Kuunda furaha au kutimiza inahitaji mengi ya kujichunguza, jaribio, na kosa na hebu kuwa waaminifu, fedha inaweza kununua furaha lakini ni uhakika kusaidia. Sehemu nyingi za kazi hizi hazitupati kwa urahisi au hata kwa uhuru, na zinahitaji kidogo sana kutoka kwetu na kiwango fulani cha dhabihu. Ni kutosha kusema kwamba baadhi ya mambo bora katika maisha, mara nyingi kuliko si, ni kazi juu na kudumishwa.