Increasing competitiveness and assignment overload are causing some parents to do their children’s homework for them. This is one of the biggest long-term mistakes a parent can make when it comes to a child’s educational development, says Ladies’ Home Journal editor-in-chief Diane Salvatore, who was invited on the "Today" show to share advice about what truly helps kids and what doesn’t. Read her tips below.
HOMEWORK DO’S AND DON’TS:
DON’T: Tell your child the answers. This sends the message that someone will bail him out when faced with a challenge.
DO: Help your child get started on tasks and brainstorm ideas for projects. Ask what topics are of interest to him.
DON’T: Let your kid watch TV, take phone calls or make pit stops at the refrigerator during homework time.
DO: Provide your child with a space in the house that is clean, well lit and set aside especially for doing homework.
DON’T: nag or bully your child into getting homework done. Pestering most often breeds resentment, not motivation.
DO: praise your child. Educators say that effort is more important than success. Be sure to applaud small milestones.
DON’T: Bribe your child to do homework by offering money or gifts. This teaches kids to work only for compensation.
DO: Acknowledge homework that is well done, but instead of gifts, let her pick an activity, such as a trip to the zoo.
WHEN DO YOU FIND MOST PARENTS DOING THE HOMEWORK FOR THEIR KIDS, WHEN KIDS ARE YOUNGER OR OLDER?
According to the student achievement department at the NEA (National Education Association), a Public Agenda organization survey shows that one out of five parents admit to doing their kids’ homework themselves. There’s a slight difference between elementary, middle school and high school parents.
Dr. Ruth Peters addresses questions about how best to bring up children.
falseElementary is slightly less, and Public Agenda speculates that this is because kids homework in elementary school is easier and those kids are less likely to throw their hands in frustration.
WHAT ARE THE RAMIFICATIONS? ISN’T THIS BAD?
Yes, it’s bad. One of the great benefits of homework is to keep parents engaged in what kids are doing. Knowing that your kids have homework and what the expectations of the teachers are on that homework is important. As kids get older you may not know every piece of homework they do, but you should have some sense of teachers’ expectations for your students work. However, parents are not supposed to do kids homework. Being engaged in it vs. doing it are two different things. Just because you’re involved doesn’t mean you should do your kids’ work for them.
- One of the goals of homework is to practice something raised in class. If you do their work for them they don’t get this opportunity.
- Another goal of homework is to offer kids a chance to work independently, which is something they need to learn how to do. Homework teaches an independent learning style. For example, a long-term science fair project that your kid is supposed to work on over a couple of months involves taking a problem, taking it apart and accomplishing a goal. If a parent jumps in on the last night and does it, the child lost all the opportunity for planning and independent work that teachers were hoping to achieve. Being able to do homework at home is a way for kids to be alone with their work and be self motivated — two things they can’t learn in school.
- As parents you try to teach kids a sense of responsibility and when you rescue them by doing their work for them, especially if they left it for the last minute and now won’t complete it in time, you rob them of the lesson of responsibility. They’re at risk for not learning that there are natural consequences for not meeting expectations (for example: not getting a good grade or getting in trouble with the teacher). You need to learn these skills for work and relationships later in life. Rescuing kids on a regular basis is not a good idea.
Many teachers and schools have different standards: Some say credit your parents, some take points off, etc. So it is critical for parents to talk to their teacher and/or school principal and find out what the policy/position is on this point so you know what to do.
SHOULD A SCHOOL HAVE ONE POLICY THROUGHOUT — OR IS IT A FREE FOR ALL WHERE EACH TEACHER CAN MAKE HER OWN RULES?
Absolutely. Talk to the school about their procedures. A teacher may individualize it a little bit and there may be some differences, but most schools have a general understanding that parents don’t do kids’ homework and there are other ways for parents to be engaged. The principal and teachers together establish that code about how school handles homework.
IF A PARENT FEELS THAT A CHILD HAS TOO MUCH HOMEWORK, THEY MAY BE TEMPTED TO HELP. HOW ELSE CAN A PROBLEM LIKE THIS BE HANDLED?
Parents are often tempted to help if they perceive their kids have too much homework, but if you think your child has too much you should talk to the teacher to get an idea of what the schools sees as too much and often you will find there is some miscommunication between the student, teacher and parent about the amount of work.
IS THIS WORSE BECAUSE BOOMER PARENTS ARE SO COMPETITIVE AND CAN’T STAND TO SEE KIDS FAIL AND THEY’VE BEEN SUCH PUSHOVER PARENTS ALL ALONG?
There might be some truth to that, but it’s also the general environment we live in today. There’s so much pressure to succeed and pressure about high stakes standardized testing that almost all students go through now.
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL SAYS IT’S WIDELY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT KIDS TODAY HAVE MORE, AND MORE COMPLICATED HOMEWORK — BUT IT’S NOT SOURCED. TRUE?
Yes, that is pretty widely known. The reason: the entire curriculum is more demanding than it was 20 or 30 years ago. Our expectations are more focused, we know so much more about how kids learn, so there are more standards and everything is more demanding. This plays itself out in homework, too. Everything is at a higher level these days.
A lot of schools offer homework assistance. Sometimes it’s the school district itself that has a call in number for help that’s staffed by teachers. Some schools are doing that online.
It’s important to teach our kids to find resources and locate them instead of giving them the answers. It’s also important for students to get the experience of going to someone else other than the parent for help, like going to a teacher and other resources. Teaching them is going to help them master other skills faster. They need to learn to take responsibility for their own learning.
WHAT IF THE PARENT FINDS THEY CAN’T ANSWER THE HOMEWORK QUESTIONS HERSELF? HOW DO YOU HELP YOUR CHILD WITHOUT GIVING TOO MUCH HELP?
It’s crucial to handle each homework situation on a case-by-case basis. An essay writing assignment my 11-year-old niece just had was one on a family tree, that required research and writing and a big arts and crafts presentation of photos. In the other she had to use metaphors and similes and other “style” elements I don’t even remember. Basically she demanded examples of her mother and father and when they got stumped, they had her call her editor aunt and demand answers. What should we do besides saying, ‘No, do it yourself’? You know you’re not supposed to supply the answers for her. And yet it takes time to coach her to think it through. It was late. We all work. Everyone was tired. Who wants to be on the phone for an hour trying to get her to say: ‘The sun was like an embrace’?
The first thing that comes to mind, is we don’t know why this student doesn’t know the concept. You should talk to your child to find out the situation:
- Is it that the teacher didn’t teach it?
- Is it that the teacher taught it, but the kid wasn’t listening?
- Is it that the teacher taught it, but the kid couldn’t absorb it or understand it?
- Does the child understand it and is just seeking attention from family members and really does know the answers? This can be difficult to confirm, but you should always listen carefully to your kids and believe them.
After you’ve talked about the problem there are two scenarios:
- Hopefully, it’s not the night before this large project is due and you have time to help your child understand material. You should send your kid back to the teacher to clarify what the teacher accepts from the assignment: Should your student know this material already in the teacher’s eye or were they supposed to learn it on their own in the teacher’s eye? And then ask the teacher to reteach (or teach for the first time) metaphors or similes. Or you could ask the teacher for some advice on how to teach the concept to your child yourself.
- If it’s the last night parents have to use their best judgement on the best approach for each individual child based on knowing your own child. Obviously, such a big assignment shouldn’t have been left until so late in the evening on the last night. Whose fault is that? If it’s your child’s fault and this is a continuous problem, maybe it’s time to teach them a lesson by not rescuing them and giving them the answers. Was it your fault because you were stuck at work for the past three nights until late? It’s also possible that if it’s the last night and the kid has worked their butt off every single day for last week of well-planned work sessions and something they didn’t have control over happens, (you had work responsibilities, they got sick) then you don’t want to let them fail. You also have to weigh the consequences: Does an F on the similes and metaphors part of the project mean an F on a huge part of their grade? Or does it mean that they won’t get 10 extra credit points? Keep in perspective the critical pieces. Think about the big picture. For example, you can’t stay up all night with your child and send them exhausted to school.
Finally, whatever you decide you should follow up after the rough night is over or after they get their grades. The goal is to learn the material and if that didn’t happen during the project, then you should make sure it happens afterwards.
For a math assignment like trigonometry, you should work the problem out the same as above, but also something to think about, especially for math, is that sometimes the inability to do an assignment might be a sign of a bigger problem. There can be certain tasks that reflect certain topics and maybe your child missed a basic concept that they should have learned months or years ago that is causing the current problem. Sometimes kids who seem lazy or irresponsible really just don’t have the basic concepts down that then need to know to do an assignment. For example, some younger kids can’t learn phonics or understand what numbers mean. That could cause problems for the rest of their lives.
THE BOTTOM LINE:
Don’t make rash statements about “don’t ever do this for your child” or “always do that” or judge how anybody makes decisions with kids at a given moment.
Ushindani unaoongezeka na mzigo wa kazi nyingi unawafanya baadhi ya wazazi wafanye kazi za nyumbani za watoto wao. "Hii ni moja ya makosa makubwa ya muda mrefu ambayo mzazi anaweza kufanya linapokuja suala la maendeleo ya elimu ya mtoto, ""anasema Mhariri Mkuu wa Ladies Home Journal Diane Salvatore, ambaye alialikwa kwenye kipindi cha ""Today"" kushiriki ushauri kuhusu kile kinachosaidia watoto na kile kisichosaidia." Soma madokezo yake hapa chini. JIBU: Jibu swali hili kwa mtoto wako. Hii hutuma ujumbe kwamba mtu fulani atamsaidia anapokabiliwa na tatizo. Msaada: Msaidie mtoto wako kuanza kazi na kupata mawazo ya miradi. Uliza ni mada gani zinazomvutia. Msifanye: Mruhusu mtoto wako atazame televisheni, ajibu simu, au ajitenge kwenye friji wakati wa kazi za nyumbani. Msaada: Mpe mtoto wako nafasi safi, yenye mwangaza mzuri, na mahali pa kufanya kazi za nyumbani. Usiumize au kumdhihaki mtoto wako afanye kazi za nyumbani. Mara nyingi kusumbua husababisha chuki, si msukumo. Kumbuka: Msifu mtoto wako. Wasomi wanasema kwamba jitihada ni muhimu zaidi kuliko mafanikio. Hakikisha kwamba unashangilia hatua ndogo-ndogo. Msifanye hivyo: Mtoze mtoto wako afanye kazi ya nyumbani kwa kumpa pesa au zawadi. Hii inawafundisha watoto kufanya kazi tu kwa fidia. "Kumbuka, ""Kama kazi ya nyumbani imekamilika vizuri, badala ya zawadi, mruhusu achague shughuli, kama vile safari ya kwenda kwenye bustani ya wanyama.""" WALIKUWA wazazi wengi wanawafanyia watoto wao kazi za nyumbani wakati watoto wao wakiwa wadogo au wakubwa? Kulingana na idara ya mafanikio ya wanafunzi katika NEA (Chama cha Elimu ya Kitaifa), utafiti wa shirika la Ajenda ya Umma unaonyesha kwamba mmoja kati ya wazazi watano anakubali kufanya kazi za nyumbani za watoto wao wenyewe. Kuna tofauti ndogo kati ya wazazi wa shule ya msingi, shule ya kati na shule ya sekondari. Dakt. Ruth Peters anajibu maswali kuhusu jinsi bora ya kulea watoto. "Kama vile ""Public Agenda"" inaonyesha, ""Kwa sababu kazi za nyumbani za watoto katika shule ya msingi ni rahisi na watoto hao ni chini ya uwezekano wa kutupa mikono yao katika kukata tamaa.""" Utafiti wa Ramications Je, Hilo Si Jambo Mbaya? Ndiyo, ni mbaya. Moja ya faida kubwa ya kazi ya nyumbani ni kuwafanya wazazi wajihusishe na kile watoto wanachofanya. Kujua kwamba watoto wako wana kazi za nyumbani na matarajio ya walimu juu ya kazi hiyo ya nyumbani ni muhimu. Kama watoto kupata kubwa unaweza kuwa na kujua kila kipande cha kazi ya nyumbani wao kufanya, lakini unapaswa kuwa na baadhi ya hisia ya matarajio ya walimu kwa ajili ya wanafunzi wako kazi. Hata hivyo, wazazi hawapaswi kufanya kazi za nyumbani za watoto. Kujihusisha na kufanya ni mambo mawili tofauti. Kwa sababu tu wewe ni kushiriki haina maana unapaswa kufanya watoto wako kazi kwa ajili yao. - Mojawapo ya malengo ya kazi ya nyumbani ni kufanya mazoezi ya jambo lililozungumziwa darasani. Kama wewe kufanya kazi yao kwa ajili yao hawapati fursa hii. Lengo la kazi ya nyumbani ni kuwapa watoto nafasi ya kufanya kazi kwa kujitegemea, ambayo ni kitu wanachohitaji kujifunza jinsi ya kufanya. Kazi ya nyumbani hufundisha mtindo wa kujifunza wa kujitegemea. Kwa mfano, mradi wa muda mrefu wa maonyesho ya sayansi ambayo mtoto wako anapaswa kufanya kazi kwa miezi michache unahusisha kuchukua tatizo, kuiondoa na kufikia lengo. Ikiwa mzazi anaingia usiku wa mwisho na kufanya hivyo, mtoto hupoteza fursa zote za kupanga na kazi huru ambayo walimu walikuwa wakitumaini kufikia. Kuweza kufanya kazi za nyumbani ni njia ya watoto kuwa peke yao na kazi yao na kuwa na motisha ya kibinafsi - vitu viwili hawawezi kujifunza shuleni. - Kama wazazi wewe kujaribu kufundisha watoto hisia ya wajibu na wakati wewe kuokoa yao kwa kufanya kazi yao kwa ajili yao, hasa kama wao kushoto kwa dakika ya mwisho na sasa si kukamilisha ni kwa wakati, wewe rob yao ya somo la wajibu. Wao ni katika hatari ya si kujifunza kwamba kuna matokeo ya asili kwa ajili ya kukidhi matarajio (kwa mfano: si kupata alama nzuri au kupata katika matatizo na mwalimu). Unahitaji kujifunza ujuzi huu kwa ajili ya kazi na mahusiano baadaye maishani. Kuokoa watoto kwa ukawaida si wazo zuri. Walimu na shule nyingi zina viwango tofauti: Baadhi husema sifa wazazi wako, wengine huchukua pointi, nk. Kwa hivyo ni muhimu kwa wazazi kuzungumza na mwalimu wao na au mkuu wa shule na kujua ni nini sera au msimamo ni juu ya hatua hii ili ujue nini cha kufanya. Je, shule inapaswa kuwa na sera moja ya  au ni bure kwa wote ambapo kila mwalimu anaweza kufanya sheria zake mwenyewe? Bila shaka. Zungumza na shule kuhusu taratibu zao. Mwalimu anaweza kuifanya iwe ya kibinafsi kidogo na kunaweza kuwa na tofauti fulani, lakini shule nyingi zina uelewa wa jumla kwamba wazazi hawafanyi kazi za nyumbani za watoto na kuna njia nyingine kwa wazazi kushiriki. Msimamizi wa shule na walimu pamoja huanzisha kanuni hiyo kuhusu jinsi shule inavyofanya kazi za nyumbani. Ikiwa mzazi anaona kwamba mtoto ana kazi nyingi za nyumbani, huenda akajaribu kumsaidia. TATIZO JINSI gani lingetatuzwa? Wazazi mara nyingi huvutiwa kusaidia ikiwa wanaona watoto wao wana kazi nyingi za nyumbani, lakini ikiwa unafikiri mtoto wako ana kazi nyingi sana unapaswa kuzungumza na mwalimu kupata wazo la nini shule inaona kama kazi nyingi sana na mara nyingi utapata kuna baadhi ya mawasiliano mabaya kati ya mwanafunzi, mwalimu na mzazi kuhusu kiasi cha kazi. Je, ni kwa sababu wazazi wa Boomers ni ushindani na hawawezi kusimama kuona watoto kushindwa na wamekuwa wazazi wa kushinikiza wote? Huenda kukawa na ukweli fulani katika hilo, lakini pia ni mazingira ya jumla tunayoishi leo. Kuna shinikizo kubwa sana la kufanikiwa na shinikizo kuhusu viwango vya juu vya upimaji wa kawaida ambao karibu wanafunzi wote hupitia sasa. The Wall Street Journal yasema ni jambo linalotambuliwa sana kwamba watoto wa leo wana kazi za nyumbani nyingi zaidi, na ngumu zaidi - lakini hazitokani. Je, ni kweli? Ndiyo, hilo linajulikana sana. Kwa sababu ya kuwa na elimu ya juu, elimu ya juu inahitajiwa zaidi kuliko ilivyokuwa miaka 20 au 30 iliyopita. Matarajio yetu ni zaidi ya lengo, tunajua mengi zaidi kuhusu jinsi watoto kujifunza, hivyo kuna viwango zaidi na kila kitu ni zaidi ya mahitaji. Jambo hilo hutukia pia katika kazi za nyumbani. Kila kitu kiko katika kiwango cha juu siku hizi. Shule nyingi hutoa msaada wa kazi za nyumbani. Wakati mwingine ni wilaya ya shule yenyewe ambayo ina simu katika idadi ya msaada ambayo ni wafanyakazi na walimu. Baadhi ya shule zinafanya hivyo mtandaoni. Ni muhimu kuwafundisha watoto wetu kupata rasilimali na kuzipata badala ya kuwapa majibu. Ni muhimu pia kwa wanafunzi kupata uzoefu wa kwenda kwa mtu mwingine isipokuwa mzazi kwa msaada, kama kwenda kwa mwalimu na rasilimali nyingine. Kuwafundisha kunaweza kuwasaidia kujifunza mambo mengine kwa kasi zaidi. Wanahitaji kujifunza kuchukua jukumu la kujifunza kwao wenyewe. Vipi ikiwa mzazi anahisi kwamba hawezi kujibu maswali ya kazi ya nyumbani? Jinsi ya Kumsaidia Mtoto Wako Bila Kumsaidia Sana Ni muhimu kushughulikia kila hali ya kazi ya nyumbani kwa msingi wa kesi kwa kesi. "Kama kazi ya kuandika insha, mpwa wangu mwenye umri wa miaka 11 alikuwa na moja juu ya mti wa familia, ambayo ilihitaji utafiti na uandishi na maonyesho makubwa ya sanaa na ufundi wa picha. """ Katika nyingine alilazimika kutumia mifano na ulinganifu na mambo mengine ya "mtindo" ambayo hata sikumbuki. "Alikuwa akidai mfano wa mama na baba yake, na walipokosa, walimfanya amwite ""bibi mhariri"" na kumtaka ajibu." Tunapaswa kufanya nini mbali na kusema, ‘Hapana, fanya hivyo mwenyewe? Unajua wewe si lazima kutoa majibu kwa ajili yake. Hata hivyo, inachukua muda kumfundisha kufikiri. Ilikuwa ni kuchelewa. Sote tunafanya kazi. Kila mtu alikuwa amechoka. Ni nani atakayetaka kuwa kwenye simu kwa saa moja akijaribu kumfanya aseme: 'Jua lilikuwa kama kumbukumbu'? Jambo la kwanza linalokuja akilini, ni kwamba hatujui ni kwa nini mwanafunzi huyu hajui dhana hiyo. Unapaswa kuzungumza na mtoto wako ili kujua hali: - Je, ni kwamba mwalimu hakuwa na kufundisha? - Je, ni kwamba mwalimu alifundisha, lakini mtoto hakuwa akisikiliza? - Je, ni kwamba mwalimu alifundisha, lakini mtoto hakuweza kuifyonza au kuielewa? - Je, mtoto anaelewa na ni tu kutafuta tahadhari kutoka kwa wanachama wa familia na kweli anajua majibu? Hii inaweza kuwa ngumu kuthibitisha, lakini unapaswa sikuzote kusikiliza kwa makini watoto wako na kuwaamini. Baada ya wewe umezungumza juu ya tatizo kuna matukio mawili: - Kwa matumaini, si usiku kabla ya mradi huu mkubwa ni kutokana na na una muda wa kusaidia mtoto wako kuelewa nyenzo. Mwalimu anapaswa kumrudisha mwanao kwa mwalimu ili afahamu kile ambacho mwalimu anakubali kutoka kwa kazi hiyo: Je, mwanafunzi wako anapaswa kujua tayari habari hii kwa macho ya mwalimu au wanapaswa kujifunza kwa macho yao wenyewe? Kisha mwombe mwalimu afundishe tena (au afundishe kwa mara ya kwanza) mifano au ulinganifu. Au unaweza kumwuliza mwalimu wako jinsi ya kumfundisha mtoto wako. - Kama ni usiku wa mwisho wazazi wanapaswa kutumia uamuzi wao bora juu ya mbinu bora kwa kila mtoto mmoja kulingana na kujua mtoto wako mwenyewe. Ni wazi kwamba mgawo mkubwa kama huo haukupaswa kuachwa hadi usiku wa mwisho wa usiku wa mwisho. Hilo ni kosa la nani? Ikiwa ni kosa la mtoto wako na hii ni tatizo la kuendelea, labda ni wakati wa kuwafundisha somo kwa kutowaokoa na kuwapa majibu. Je, ni kosa lako kwa sababu umekuwa ukifanya kazi usiku wa manane usiku wa mwisho? Inawezekana pia kwamba ikiwa ni usiku wa mwisho na mtoto amefanya kazi kila siku kwa wiki iliyopita ya vikao vya kazi vilivyopangwa vizuri na kitu ambacho hawakuwa na udhibiti juu ya kinachotokea, (ulikuwa na majukumu ya kazi, waliugua) basi hutaki kuwaacha kushindwa. "Kama unafikiria matokeo ya kazi yako, ""F"" katika sehemu ya mfano na mfano wa mradi huo inamaanisha ""F"" katika sehemu kubwa ya alama yao?" Au inamaanisha kwamba hawatapata pointi 10 za ziada za mikopo? Weka mambo muhimu katika mtazamo unaofaa. Fikiria mambo kwa ujumla. Kwa mfano, huwezi kukaa usiku kucha na mtoto wako na kumpeleka shuleni akiwa amechoka. Mwishowe, chochote unachoamua unapaswa kufuata baada ya usiku mgumu kumalizika au baada ya kupata alama zao. Lengo ni kujifunza nyenzo na kama kwamba haikutokea wakati wa mradi, basi unapaswa kuhakikisha inatokea baada ya. Kwa ajili ya kazi ya hesabu kama trigonometry, unapaswa kufanya kazi ya tatizo sawa na hapo juu, lakini pia kitu cha kufikiri juu, hasa kwa ajili ya hesabu, ni kwamba wakati mwingine kutokuwa na uwezo wa kufanya kazi inaweza kuwa ishara ya tatizo kubwa. Kunaweza kuwa na kazi fulani ambazo zinaonyesha mada fulani na labda mtoto wako amekosa dhana ya msingi ambayo wanapaswa kuwa wamejifunza miezi au miaka iliyopita ambayo inasababisha tatizo la sasa. Wakati mwingine watoto ambao wanaonekana mvivu au wasio na wajibu kweli tu hawana dhana za msingi chini ambayo kisha haja ya kujua kufanya kazi. Kwa mfano, baadhi ya watoto wadogo hawawezi kujifunza foniki au kuelewa maana ya namba. Hilo laweza kusababisha matatizo kwa maisha yao yote. Kimsingi: Usifanye taarifa za haraka kuhusu "usifanye kamwe hili kwa mtoto wako" au "siku zote fanya hilo" au kuhukumu jinsi mtu yeyote anavyofanya maamuzi na watoto wakati fulani.