Correcting a child can be termed abusive when a parent becomes personal and harsh with the type of punitive measures used to discipline the child. As an 8 year old little girl, Susan found it difficult having a personal relationship with her family members most especially her mother. For every mistake she could predict the reaction gotten; Sometimes a slap from behind, lashes of cane, punishment of all sorts, insulting words and above all meal denial for days.
Susan’s mother, thinking she was doing her daughter good, was all an act of correction or so she thought. Unknown to her, she was abusing her physically and emotionally.
This act of correction made Susan a victim of emotional and physical abuse which totally destroyed her self-esteem. She became scared of talking among her peers. She grew with the mentality of being rejected not bothering to relate with anyone. The only persons who understood her were her father and elder sister. Whenever she does any wrong these two people correct her with soft words and make her understand the dangers in the wrong she had done. These two were the only ones she regarded as family.
There is a very thin line between discipline and punishment; which ultimately leads to abuse. A child is said to be abused when the corrective measures taken by the parent to discipline a child inflicts injury on the child either Physically or emotionally. Correction is non-punitive disciplinary measures used to discipline a child .
It is quite unavoidable to talk about correcting a child without looking at it from the angle of discipline. Discipline is one of the elements of parenting. Most parents find it difficult to draw the line between correcting a child in an empathic way.
If you, however, punish your child instead of disciplining them, the end result will not be the same. Punishment is an act of anger and impulse. It happens when a parent takes things personally; the use of object on a child inflicts injury on a child and that breed’s fear in the child.
Fear and Respect do not work together, when a child fears his or her parent the child finds it difficult to relate with the parent which goes a long way in destroying the existing relationship the child has with the parent.
Discipline also termed Correction also helps the child with the aim of helping them see why they should make right choices and actions. A parent who disciplines teaches their child right from wrong, helping them learn life skills.
Ultimately, punishment hurts a child whereas discipline helps a child.
How to Know When Discipline Crosses The Line
Punishment brings about intimidation, intimidation leads to fear; when a child begins to fear his or her parents the child tends to begin to think as a victim while the parent a victimizer.
Below are ways to tell if you are a Victimizer:
- As a parent examine what role your anger is playing while administering your punishment. It is normal for a parent to feel angry, it becomes abnormal if the parents expresses his or her anger rather than the need to correct a wrong.
- When a child tells lies to you as a parent to avoid punishment for any misconduct. The parent discovers the lie and tells the child to run outside for an hour, or starve the child for days. You are crossing the line of discipline. As a parent when you begin to act recklessly for example, a father is enraged at his teenage daughter: As they argue, he picks up a chair and throws it across the room toward the child. His daughter moves, and the chair misses her. While she was not injured, the possibility of an injury was present. Dad acted recklessly in this situation.
- Acting intentionally for example as a parent you found out your money is stolen and you suspect your child without asking question you flog your child stark naked, you put hot pepper in your child private part that is you crossing the line in a dangerous way.
How Then Do I Correct My Child Without Becoming a Victimizer?
The Executive Director of Prevent Child Abuse Louisiana said “In thinking about parenting, it can help to use football as a model, Bronson said when a rule is broken, the whistle is blown and a penalty is announced. Refs do not hit the players, the players generally accept the consequences, and everyone keeps on playing. This implies you do not have to hit a child with an object or with harsh words before you discipline your child.
- Having in mind discipline does not need to be physical. There are many ways to teach children without running the risk of hurting a child. Some examples of non-physical discipline are taking away privileges and time-outs. (Do not starve your child of food).
- Instead of hitting your child so hard, you can set rules and be firm about them.
- Talk to your child often at the same time give your child a listening hear, this will help the parent understand the rationale behind your child’s behaviour.
- Praise/Acknowledge your child when he/she does the right thing.
- Keep your eyes open to know when your child is socially withdrawn most particularly when a family member is around this might be a sign of him/her being abused by that person.
- Do not call your child names
- Love the child. The same hand with which you discipline should be the same hand you hold them close.
As we create Child Abuse Awareness in this month of April, I implore parent to ensure discipline, know when corrective measures tend become abuse and take conscious steps to avoid them.
"Kurekebisha mtoto kunaweza kuitwa ""kuchukiza"" wakati mzazi anapokuwa mkali na mwenye kukasirika kwa kutumia njia za adhabu za kumtia nidhamu mtoto." Alipokuwa na umri wa miaka minane, Susan aliona ni vigumu kuwa na uhusiano wa kibinafsi na watu wa familia yake, hasa mama yake. Kwa kila kosa aliweza kutabiri athari iliyopatikana; wakati mwingine mjeledi kutoka nyuma, mapigo ya fimbo, adhabu ya kila aina, maneno ya kudhihaki na juu ya yote kukataa chakula kwa siku. Mama ya Susan, akifikiri alikuwa akimfanyia binti yake mema, yote yalikuwa matendo ya kurekebisha au hivyo alifikiri. Bila yeye kujua, alikuwa akimtendea vibaya kimwili na kihisia-moyo. Hatua hiyo ya kurekebisha ilifanya Susan awe mhasiriwa wa unyanyasaji wa kihisia-moyo na wa kimwili ambao uliharibu kabisa kujistahi kwake. Alianza kuogopa kuzungumza na wenzake. Alikua na mtazamo wa kukataliwa bila kujisumbua kuhusiana na mtu yeyote. Watu pekee waliomelewa walikuwa baba yake na dada yake mkubwa. Wakati wowote anapofanya kosa, watu hawa wawili humsaidia kwa maneno laini na kumfanya aelewe hatari za kosa alilofanya. Hawa wawili ndio tu aliowaona kuwa familia yake. Kuna mstari mwembamba sana kati ya nidhamu na adhabu; ambayo hatimaye husababisha unyanyasaji. Mtoto anadhaniwa kutendewa vibaya wakati hatua za kurekebisha zilizochukuliwa na mzazi kumtia nidhamu mtoto zinamdhuru mtoto, ama kimwili au kihisia. Marekebisho ni hatua za nidhamu zisizo za adhabu zinazotumiwa kumtia nidhamu mtoto. Ni jambo la kawaida sana kusema juu ya kurekebisha mtoto bila kuitazama kutoka kwa pembe ya nidhamu. Nidhamu ni sehemu muhimu ya kuwa mzazi. Wazazi wengi huona ni vigumu kujua tofauti kati ya kumkemea mtoto kwa njia yenye huruma. Hata hivyo, ukimwadhibu mtoto wako badala ya kumtia nidhamu, matokeo yatakuwa tofauti. Adhabu ni tendo la hasira na msukumo. Inatokea wakati mzazi anachukua mambo kibinafsi; matumizi ya kitu kwenye mtoto husababisha jeraha kwa mtoto na hiyo huzaa hofu katika mtoto. Hofu na heshima hazifanyi kazi pamoja, wakati mtoto anaogopa mzazi wake, mtoto hupata ugumu wa kuwasiliana na mzazi, ambayo inaendelea kwa muda mrefu katika kuharibu uhusiano uliopo wa mtoto na mzazi. "Kila aina ya nidhamu, kama vile ""kurekebisha,"" inasaidia mtoto kuona kwa nini anapaswa kufanya maamuzi na matendo sahihi." Mzee anayemtia nidhamu mtoto wake anafundisha tofauti kati ya mema na mabaya, na hivyo kumsaidia kujifunza mambo ya kufanya maishani. Mwishowe, adhabu humdhuru mtoto ilhali nidhamu humsaidia. Kama ilivyoelezwa hapo juu, adhabu huleta vitisho, vitisho huongoza kwa hofu; wakati mtoto anaanza kuwaogopa wazazi wake, mtoto huanza kufikiria kama mhasiriwa wakati mzazi ni mhasiriwa. Chini ni njia za kujua kama wewe ni Victimizer: - Kama mzazi kuchunguza nini jukumu hasira yako ni kucheza wakati wa kusimamia adhabu yako. Ni kawaida kwa mzazi kuwa na hasira, inakuwa isiyo ya kawaida ikiwa wazazi huonyesha hasira yao badala ya uhitaji wa kurekebisha kosa. - Wakati mtoto anakuambia uongo kama mzazi ili kuepuka adhabu kwa mwenendo wowote mbaya. "Mzazi hufunua uongo na kumwambia mtoto kukimbia nje kwa saa moja, au kumfanya mtoto awe na njaa kwa siku kadhaa.""" Unapita mpaka wa nidhamu. "Mwanzo: ""Mama anapoanza kutenda kwa ukosefu wa busara, baba anakasirika kwa binti yake tineja: Wanapokuwa wakibishana, yeye huchukua kiti na kukitupa kutoka upande mmoja wa chumba hadi mwingine kuelekea mtoto." Binti yake anahamia, na kiti hicho kinamkosa. Ingawa hakujeruhiwa, uwezekano wa kujeruhiwa ulikuwapo. Baba alitenda bila kufikiri katika hali hiyo. "Kwa mfano, kama mzazi, uligundua pesa zako zimeibiwa na unamshuku mtoto wako bila kuuliza swali, unampiga mtoto wako uchi kabisa, unaweka pilipili moto katika sehemu ya kibinafsi ya mtoto wako, ambayo ni kuvuka mstari kwa njia hatari. """ Basi Ninawezaje Kumrekebisha Mtoto Wangu Bila Kuwa Mdhuru? "Mkurugenzi Mtendaji wa Kuzuia unyanyasaji wa watoto Louisiana alisema: ""Kujaribu kutumia mpira wa miguu kama mfano, inaweza kusaidia,"" alisema Bronson, ""wakati sheria imevunjwa, filimbi inapigwa na adhabu inatangazwa.""" Hakimu hawapigi wachezaji, wachezaji kwa ujumla hukubali matokeo, na kila mtu anaendelea kucheza. Hii inamaanisha kwamba sio lazima umpige mtoto kwa kitu au kwa maneno makali kabla ya kumtia nidhamu. - Kumbuka kwamba nidhamu haihitaji kuwa ya kimwili. Kuna njia nyingi za kuwafundisha watoto bila kuhatarisha maisha yao. Mifano fulani ya nidhamu isiyo ya kimwili ni kuondolewa kwa mapendeleo na vipindi vya kupumzika. (Usimnyime mtoto wako chakula kwa njaa). Badala ya kumpiga mtoto wako kwa nguvu, unaweza kuweka sheria na kuwa imara kuzingatia. - Zungumza na mtoto wako mara nyingi wakati huo huo kumsikiliza mtoto wako, hii itasaidia mzazi kuelewa sababu ya tabia ya mtoto wako. - Msifu mtoto wako anapofanya jambo linalofaa. - Weka macho yako wazi kujua wakati mtoto wako ni kijamii kujiondoa hasa wakati mwanachama wa familia ni karibu hii inaweza kuwa ishara ya yeye kuwa kutendewa vibaya na mtu huyo. - Usimwita mtoto wako majina - Mpende mtoto. Mkono uleule ambao unamtia nidhamu unapaswa kuwa mkono uleule unaowashikilia karibu. "Wakati tunaanzisha ""Ufahamu wa unyanyasaji wa watoto"" mwezi huu wa Aprili, ninawaomba wazazi kuhakikisha nidhamu, kujua wakati hatua za kurekebisha zinaelekea kuwa unyanyasaji na kuchukua hatua za ufahamu ili kuziepuka."