Objectification is, above all, the alienation of spirit from itself.
Objectification and dehumanization are what make possible genocide, pedophilia, stalking, rape, torture, racism, war, serial killing and terrorism.
They also make manipulation, exploitation and abuse possible within personal relationships. How can you avoid such a relationship in the future?
Objectification is to see another person as an object. Sometimes only a certain person or group is objectified, based on some difference (religion, race, culture, nationality, disability, beliefs, lifestyle, sex, gender identity, socioeconomic status). This limited objectification is caused by the “us and them” function of our primitive reptilian brain, a structure located deep within the mid-brain that formed long before the cerebral cortex (but was not replaced by it). The reptilian brain perceives any difference with fear and mistrust, and as a threat to identity or survival that must be controlled or eliminated. Our cerebral cortex–the primary location of human thought, including the ability to form ideas and feelings into words–jumps in and creates rationalizations and justifications for these feelings and behaviors.
Dehumanization, which goes hand-in-hand with objectification, is the psychological process of depriving another of their humanity and individuality and demonizing them, making them seem less than human and thus not worthy of humane treatment and not deserving of moral consideration. Objectification and dehumanization lead to oppression, which is the exercise of authority or power in an unjust or cruel manner.
Unfortunately most humans are capable of this deplorable behavior, even if we have normal empathy for others in our own family and social group. This is a significant and ongoing problem–one that you can find innumerable examples of in the news, the upcoming election, in any history book, and perhaps in your own life–but it is not the subject of this blog post, which is about objectification and dehumanization in personal relationships.
When someone lacks empathy in general, for whatever reason, they will not have empathy even for those closest to them, and they may objectify all people other than themselves. Psychopaths are but one type who see other persons as mere objects, and because of it they consider us to be the same as any other object in their environment: we exist for their use. There is no recognition of us as three-dimensional individuals, and therefore no regard for our feelings, rights, needs, boundaries, well-being or lives. When we are seen as an object, we aren’t considered a separate, whole, real and meaningful person with our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. We are simply an object with no meaning except to gratify desires.
People are dehumanized in relationships through objectification, invalidation, domination, control, humiliation, ridicule, disrespecting sexual boundaries, and all other forms of emotional, verbal and physical abuse. To be objectified and dehumanized is to be treated without dignity–the innate rights of a human being to be valued, respected, and to receive ethical treatment. Being treated as if we have no human worth lowers our own sense of self-worth. Victims tend to ask themselves what they did to deserve it, or what is wrong with them that would make someone treat them in such a way. In other words, they blame themselves for the abuser’s actions. Objectification and dehumanization says nothing about you or your worth–it is simply the act of a disordered person who lacks empathy.
Most of you reading this know what it’s like to be dehumanized by a supposed partner. How can you avoid having it happen again in the future? A person’s capacity for empathy is the most important factor in their ability to see others as humans and not objects, and in the ability to form emotional connections with others. Empathy is what connects people emotionally. Without empathy there can be no real connection, and thus no real relationship; and it is what makes abuse possible. This means that in our future relationships, the MOST IMPORTANT TRAIT we must look for in a partner is empathy. People who lack empathy can cover it up pretty well in the beginning of a relationship, but if you stay alert it will inevitably show itself. There is a list of examples at the end of this post.
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
One aspect of objectification in a relationship is treating a person as if they are interchangeable with other objects.
Empathy is an awareness of someone else’s thoughts and feelings, mutual understanding, caring, and expression of that care. It is made up of two distinct abilities: cognitive empathy (an awareness of someone else’s thoughts and feelings) and emotional empathy (mutual understanding, caring, and expression of that care). Psychopaths are capable of cognitive empathy, but not emotional empathy. This is what makes them able to manipulate others so well. Combined with their other traits, such as callousness, amorality, and lack of a conscience–the psychopath exhibits profound indifference to the suffering his actions cause others.
Anyone who lacks empathy is capable of objectifying and dehumanizing others; psychopaths aren’t the only ones. Narcissists, autistic people, sociopaths, people affected with psychotic disorders and those with borderline personality disorder can also lack empathy, and there seems to be some epidemic of low empathy in society in general in recent years. If you want to avoid another entanglement with a person low on empathy, psychopaths aren’t the only ones you need to watch out for! But you don’t have to learn how to diagnose all of these conditions; just look for a lack of empathy instead. That’s more than enough and all you need to know.
“At their core, all character-impaired individuals are to some degree empathy deficient, which is what impairs their conscience formation and allows them to do the hurtful things they do.”
George Simon, PhD, “Empathy and Character Disturbance”
“Other aspects of objectification in relationships are treating a person like a tool for another person’s own purposes; treating them as if they are owned by, or are a slave to, the other person; treating them as if there is no need for concern for their experiences or feelings; treating them as lacking in autonomy or self-determination; and treating them as lacking in boundary integrity and as something that it is permissible to break up, smash, or break into.
Sarah Swenson, MA, LMHC, an Asperger/autism spectrum disorder specialist, describes cognitive empathy (also known as Theory of Mind) as “a person’s ability to imagine the interior life of another person. This includes understanding why someone else does something, how someone might feel in a certain circumstance, what might be important to that person; in short, it is the ability to put oneself in the mind of another person and see the world from that person’s point of view.” Without cognitive empathy–which is the core deficit in autism spectrum disorders, such as Aspergers–there can be no emotional empathy. Their partners suffer the same emotional and psychological trauma as those of psychopaths.
“In order to empathize with another person, you have to recognize that he actually exists apart from and without specific reference to you. You must understand that she has a distinct identity and an interior life of her own, with which you might possibly empathize.” Why Empathy Fails, Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., marriage and family therapist, clinical psychologist and author of The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me World
“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
(Charles M. Blow)
Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential human needs. We seek relationships for the purpose of mutual fulfillment of these needs. If they are not being met, mental and physical health will suffer. People with little or no empathy can not meet these needs. Without empathy–and with objectification and dehumanization–we experience depression, low self-worth, constant anxiety, fear, shame, ongoing unresolved anger, physical illness, post-traumatic stress, loss of identity, and even mental breakdown and suicidal ideation.
In new relationships, never ignore the signs that empathy is lacking. Take them seriously as the huge red flags they are. Take an especially close look at how he or she behaves when you are most needy: when your insecurities flare up, when you’re ill, or when you’re in the midst of a tough circumstance. This can take time, especially with psychopaths, but a lack of empathy will reveal itself eventually.
“The true measure of a man is not his intelligence or how high he rises in this freak establishment. No, the true measure of a man is this: how quickly can he respond to the needs of others and how much of himself he can give.”
(Philip K. Dick)
Signs of a Lack of Empathy:
Does not respect your boundaries (emotional or physical). When someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect you and they don’t see you as a separate, autonomous individual with your own limits, needs, rights and feelings. This is a red flag that should send you running.
Makes invalidating comments when you share some difficulty or concern: It could be worse/ You shouldn’t feel that way/ Just don’t worry about it/ Stop taking everything so personally/ What about my feelings/ You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Denies your perceptions and emotions as wrong or foolish. Read more about invalidation
Seems to have plenty of empathy for you, but not for others. Watch out–you’re next.
Indifference to the suffering of others.
Sexism and womanizing.
Believes he is always right.
Refusal to acknowledge that you have justification to be upset about something he or she did.
Expects you to fit into his or her schedule, without regard for yours.
Neglecting or ignoring you if you’re sick.
Doesn’t comfort you when you need it.
Feels he knows you better than you know yourself. When you tell him how you feel, he might tell you that’s not really how you feel. This is a sign that he or she does not see you as having a mind of your own. When someone denies your reality and tries to substitute another in its place, head for the nearest exit.
When they say they’re “sorry” for something, they don’t act like they mean it. You do not see purposeful, deliberate efforts on their part to repair damage they may have done and to do better in the future. Instead, it just seems like a couple of empty words spoken to placate you.
Inability to imagine how their words and actions may make you feel.
Cheats, and then blames it on you.
Needs space (more than a day or two) and doesn’t care that it hurts you.
Isn’t interested in finding ways to soothe your worries.
Oogles or flirts with others in front of you, and then accuses you of being smothering, insecure or mistrusting when you ask him about it.
Becomes angry when you cry or get emotional.
Looks at you with a blank face when you cry.
Makes you feel out of control emotionally, and you’ve never felt that way in previous relationships.
You feel he just can’t seem to understand you, no matter how much you explain or defend yourself.
You feel he or she doesn’t know you, even though they’ve had ample opportunity.
You sense a lack of emotional connection.
There is drama and intensity, and when you look beneath it you find a lack of genuine emotional intimacy.
Treats his or your pets badly. For example, he may say he loves his dog, but he lets him run loose, neglects visiting the vet when the dog is sick or injured, gives the dog alcohol, or leaves it in a cage or out in the cold. Actions speak louder than words.
Tells you you’re too needy or too emotional.
Is hurtfully blunt and casually critical, and when you become upset he tells you he is “just being honest.” Honesty without kindness is cruelty.
Talks at length on a topic that clearly bores you, without noticing it.
Doesn’t ask you how your day was or how your doctor’s appointment went.
Forgets your birthday or other important occasions.
Brings up a sensitive topic even after you’ve asked him to stop.
Looks down on people for what he sees as their bad decisions, without taking into account how their life circumstances may have been different than his.
Expects instant forgiveness.
Censors and restricts your emotions.
To Learn More…
♥ Love to all
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Uhakikisho ni, juu ya yote, alienation ya roho kutoka yenyewe. Ukifanya kitu na kutokuwa na ubinadamu ni kile kinachowezesha mauaji ya kimbari, upendaji wa watoto, unyanyasaji, mateso, ubaguzi wa rangi, vita, mauaji ya mfululizo na ugaidi. Pia hufanya udanganyifu, unyonyaji na unyanyasaji uwezekane ndani ya mahusiano ya kibinafsi. Unawezaje kuepuka uhusiano kama huo wakati ujao? Ukiwa na ubinafsi, mtu huona mtu mwingine kama kitu. Wakati mwingine mtu au kikundi fulani tu hutumiwa, kulingana na tofauti fulani (dini, jamii, utamaduni, utaifa, ulemavu, imani, mtindo wa maisha, jinsia, utambulisho wa kijinsia, hali ya kijamii na kiuchumi). "Ukosoaji huu mdogo unasababishwa na ""sisi na wao"" kazi ya ubongo wetu wa primitive reptilian, muundo ulio ndani ya ubongo wa kati ambao ulijengwa muda mrefu kabla ya cortex ya ubongo (lakini haikuchukuliwa na hiyo)." Ubongo wa mnyama huona tofauti yoyote kwa hofu na kutokuamini, na kama tishio kwa utambulisho au kuishi ambayo lazima idhibitiwe au kuondolewa. Cortex yetu ya ubongo - eneo la msingi la mawazo ya binadamu, ikiwa ni pamoja na uwezo wa kuunda mawazo na hisia katika maneno - kuruka katika na inajenga rationalizations na haki kwa ajili ya hisia hizi na tabia. Dehumanization ni mchakato wa kisaikolojia wa kumnyima mtu mwingine ubinadamu na utu wake na kumfanya awe na tabia mbaya, na hivyo kumfanya awe chini ya binadamu na hivyo asiyestahili kutibiwa kwa kibinadamu na asiyestahili kuzingatia maadili. Ukifanya kitu na kukataza utu wa kibinadamu huongoza kwenye ukandamizaji, ambao ni utumiaji wa mamlaka au nguvu kwa njia isiyo ya haki au ya kikatili. Kwa bahati mbaya, wanadamu wengi wana uwezo wa tabia hii ya kusikitisha, hata kama tuna hisia-mwenzi ya kawaida kwa wengine katika familia yetu na kikundi chetu cha kijamii. Hii ni tatizo kubwa na la kuendelea - moja ambayo unaweza kupata mifano isiyohesabika katika habari, uchaguzi ujao, katika kitabu chochote cha historia, na labda katika maisha yako mwenyewe - lakini si mada ya chapisho hili la blogi, ambalo ni kuhusu objectification na dehumanization katika mahusiano ya kibinafsi. Mtu ambaye hana hisia za huruma kwa ujumla, kwa sababu yoyote ile, hatakuwa na hisia za huruma hata kwa wale walio karibu zaidi naye, na anaweza kuwaona watu wengine wote kuwa kitu isipokuwa yeye mwenyewe. Psychopaths ni aina ya watu ambao huona watu wengine kama vitu tu, na kwa sababu hiyo wao huona sisi kuwa sawa na kitu kingine chochote katika mazingira yao: tuko kwa ajili ya matumizi yao. Hakuna utambuzi wa sisi kama watu wa pande tatu, na kwa hivyo hakuna kuzingatia hisia zetu, haki, mahitaji, mipaka, ustawi au maisha. Tunapoonekana kama kitu, hatufikiriwa kuwa mtu tofauti, kamili, halisi na mwenye maana na mawazo yetu wenyewe, hisia na utambuzi. Sisi ni kitu tu kisicho na maana isipokuwa kuridhisha tamaa. Watu wanadhalilishwa katika mahusiano kupitia objectification, invalidation, domination, control, humiliation, ridicule, disrespecting sexual boundaries, na aina nyingine zote za emotional, verbal and physical abuse. Kuwa kitu na dehumanized ni kutibiwa bila heshima - haki za asili ya binadamu kuwa thamani, kuheshimiwa, na kupokea matibabu ya maadili. Kutendewa kana kwamba hatuna thamani ya kibinadamu hupunguza hisia yetu ya kujithamini. "Watu wanaojeruhiwa huwa na mwelekeo wa kujiuliza ""Nilikuwa na kosa gani la kumfanya mtu anitendee kwa njia hiyo?""" Kwa maneno mengine, wao hujilaumu wenyewe kwa matendo ya yule anayemtendea vibaya. Objectification na dehumanization anasema kitu kuhusu wewe au thamani yako <unk> ni tu kitendo cha mtu disorders ambaye hana hisia. Wengi wenu msomao hii mnajua ni jinsi gani kuwa dehumanized na mpenzi inadaiwa. Unawezaje kuepuka jambo hilo lisitokee tena wakati ujao? Uwezo wa mtu wa kuonesha hisia-mwenzi ni jambo muhimu zaidi katika uwezo wake wa kuwaona wengine kama wanadamu na si vitu, na katika uwezo wa kuunda uhusiano wa kihisia na wengine. Uelewa ni kile kinachowaunganisha watu kihisia-moyo. Bila hisia-mwenzi, hakuna uhusiano wa kweli, na kwa hiyo hakuna uhusiano wa kweli; na ni nini hufanya unyanyasaji iwezekane. Hii inamaanisha kwamba katika mahusiano yetu ya baadaye, sifa muhimu zaidi tunayopaswa kutafuta katika mwenzi ni hisia-mwenzi. Watu ambao hawana hisia za hisia-mwenzi wanaweza kuificha vizuri mwanzoni mwa uhusiano, lakini ikiwa utaendelea kuwa macho, bila shaka itajionyesha. Kuna orodha ya mifano mwishoni mwa chapisho hili. "Ninafafanua uhusiano kama nishati ambayo ipo kati ya watu wakati wanahisi kuonekana, kusikilizwa, na kuthaminiwa; wakati wanaweza kutoa na kupokea bila hukumu; na wakati wanapata riziki na nguvu kutoka kwa uhusiano. ""Jambo moja la objectification katika uhusiano ni kumtendea mtu kana kwamba wanaweza kubadilishwa na vitu vingine." Uelewa ni ufahamu wa mawazo na hisia za mtu mwingine, uelewevu wa pamoja, kujali, na kuelezea huduma hiyo. Ina uwezo wa kuelewana (cognitive empathy) na uwezo wa kuelewana (emotional empathy) na uwezo wa kuelewana (mutual understanding, caring, and expression of that care). Watu wenye ugonjwa wa akili wanaweza kuelewana na wengine, lakini hawawezi kuelewana na wengine kihisia-moyo. Hilo ndilo linalowafanya wawe na uwezo wa kuwatumia wengine kwa ustadi. Pamoja na sifa zao nyingine, kama vile ukosefu wa hisia, ukosefu wa maadili, na ukosefu wa dhamiri - mgonjwa wa kiakili huonyesha kutojali sana mateso ambayo matendo yake husababisha wengine. Mtu yeyote asiye na hisia-mwenzi anaweza kuwaona wengine kuwa vitu na kuwafanya wasiwe wanadamu; watu wenye ugonjwa wa akili si wa pekee. Watu wenye ugonjwa wa akili, watu wenye autism, watu wenye ugonjwa wa akili, watu walio na matatizo ya akili na wale walio na ugonjwa wa utu wa mpaka pia wanaweza kukosa hisia-mwenzi, na kunaonekana kuwa na janga la hisia-mwenzi ya chini katika jamii kwa ujumla katika miaka ya hivi karibuni. Ikiwa unataka kuepuka kuingiliana tena na mtu mwenye hisia-mwenzi chache, si wagonjwa wa akili tu unaohitaji kuwa makini nao! Lakini huna kujifunza jinsi ya kugundua hali hizi zote; tu kuangalia kwa ukosefu wa hisia-mwenzi badala yake. Hiyo ni zaidi ya kutosha na wote unahitaji kujua. "Kutokana na hali hii, watu wote wenye tabia mbaya wana upungufu wa hisia-mwenzi, ambayo ni kile kinachoharibu muundo wa dhamiri yao na kuwawezesha kufanya mambo yenye kuumiza wanayofanya. "" - George Simon, PhD, ""Empathy and Character Disturbance"" - ""Hatua nyingine za ubinadamu katika mahusiano ni kumtendea mtu kama chombo kwa madhumuni ya mtu mwingine, kumtendea kama kwamba yeye ni mali ya mtu mwingine au mtumwa wake, kumtendea kana kwamba hakuna haja ya kujali uzoefu wake au hisia zake." Sarah Swenson, MA, LMHC, mtaalamu wa Asperger's au autism spectrum disorder, anaelezea hisia-mwenzi (inajulikana pia kama nadharia ya akili) kama uwezo wa mtu wa kufikiria maisha ya ndani ya mtu mwingine. Hii inajumuisha kuelewa kwa nini mtu mwingine anafanya kitu, jinsi mtu anaweza kujisikia katika hali fulani, nini inaweza kuwa muhimu kwa mtu huyo; kwa kifupi, ni uwezo wa kujiweka katika akili ya mtu mwingine na kuona ulimwengu kutoka kwa mtazamo wa mtu huyo. Washirika wao hupatwa na majeraha yaleyale ya kihisia-moyo na ya kisaikolojia kama yale ya wagonjwa wa akili. <unk> Ili uelewe hisia-mwenzi za mtu mwingine, ni lazima utambue kwamba yeye kwa kweli yupo mbali na wewe na bila kurejelea wewe hasa. "Kama unajua, kuna aina ya ""mwenyeji"" wa ndani ambao wanaweza kuonekana kuwa na hisia za hisia, na kwa hivyo, kwa sababu ya kuwa na hisia za hisia, Joseph Burgo, mtaalamu wa ndoa na familia, mwanasaikolojia wa kliniki na mwandishi wa ""The Narcissist You Know: Kujilinda dhidi ya Narcissists katika Ulimwengu wa All-About-Me"" anafanya kazi kwa uovu mkubwa." Kutokuwa na hisia-mwenzi na uelewa ni vya kutosha. <unk> (Charles M. Blow) Ukaribiano wa kihisia-moyo, upendo na kuwa na uhusiano ni mahitaji muhimu ya kibinadamu. Tunatafuta mahusiano kwa kusudi la kutimiza mahitaji haya kwa pamoja. Ikiwa hazitimizwi, afya ya akili na ya kimwili itaathiriwa. Watu wenye hisia-mwenzi chache au wasio nazo hawawezi kukidhi mahitaji hayo. Bila hisia-mwenzi - na kwa objectification na dehumanization - sisi uzoefu unyogovu, chini ya kujithamini, wasiwasi wa mara kwa mara, hofu, aibu, kuendelea hasira unsolved, ugonjwa wa kimwili, baada ya mshtuko wa kiwewe, hasara ya utambulisho, na hata kuvunjika akili na mawazo ya kujiua. Katika mahusiano mapya, usipuuze kamwe ishara za ukosefu wa hisia-mwenzi. Kuchukua yao kwa uzito kama bendera kubwa nyekundu wao ni. Angalia kwa makini jinsi anavyojiendesha unapokuwa na uhitaji mkubwa zaidi: unapokuwa na wasiwasi, unapokuwa mgonjwa, au unapokuwa katikati ya hali ngumu. Hilo laweza kuchukua wakati, hasa kwa wagonjwa wa kiakili, lakini hatimaye ukosefu wa hisia-mwenzi utajitokeza. <unk> Kipimo cha kweli cha mtu si akili yake au jinsi anavyoinuka katika taasisi hii ya ajabu. """Hapa ni kipimo cha mtu: jinsi anavyoweza kukidhi mahitaji ya wengine na jinsi anavyoweza kujitoa mwenyewe"" - Philip K. Dick, Mtaalamu wa Uwezo wa hisia za Wenyewe" Wakati mtu hauheshimu mipaka yako, hauheshimu wewe na haoni wewe kama mtu tofauti, huru na mipaka yako mwenyewe, mahitaji, haki na hisia. Hii ni bendera nyekundu ambayo inapaswa kukupeleka kukimbia. "Anasema: ""Inaweza kuwa mbaya zaidi, haipaswi kuhisi hivyo, usijali juu yake, acha kuchukua kila kitu kibinafsi, unafanya jambo kubwa kutokana na kitu chochote.""" Unakataa maoni na hisia zako kuwa mbaya au za kipumbavu. Soma zaidi kuhusu invalidation Inaonekana kuwa na mengi ya hisia-mwenzi kwa ajili yenu, lakini si kwa ajili ya wengine. Jihadharini <unk> wewe ni wa pili. Ukosefu wa kujali mateso ya wengine. Ubaguzi wa kijinsia na upendeleo wa wanawake. Anaamini kwamba sikuzote yeye ni sahihi. Kukataa kukubali kwamba una haki ya kuwa na hasira juu ya kitu alichofanya. Anatarajia ufanye kazi kulingana na ratiba yake bila kujali ratiba yako. Kukupuuza au kukupuuza ikiwa umekuwa mgonjwa. Haikufariji unapohitaji. Anahisi kwamba anakijua vizuri kuliko unavyojijua wewe mwenyewe. Unapomwambia jinsi unavyohisi, huenda akakwambia kwamba sivyo unavyohisi. Hii ni ishara kwamba yeye au yeye haoni wewe kuwa na akili yako mwenyewe. Mtu anapokataa ukweli wako na kujaribu kuchukua nafasi ya mwingine, nenda kwenye njia ya karibu zaidi. Wanaposema kwamba "wanasikitika" kwa jambo fulani, hawatendi kana kwamba wanamaanisha hivyo. Hutaona jitihada za makusudi, za makusudi kutoka kwa sehemu yao kurekebisha uharibifu ambao wanaweza kuwa wamefanya na kufanya vizuri zaidi katika siku zijazo. Badala yake, inaonekana tu kama maneno machache yasiyo na maana yaliyosemwa ili kukutuliza. Unashindwa kufikiria jinsi maneno na matendo yao yanavyoweza kukufanya uhisi. Yeye hucheka na kisha anakulaumu wewe. Anahitaji nafasi (zaidi ya siku moja au mbili) na hajali kwamba inakuumiza. Haipendezwi na kutafuta njia za kutuliza wasiwasi wako. "Anaonekana kuwa ""aibuka"" au ""anacheza"" na wengine mbele yako, na kisha anakushtaki kuwa mwenye kukandamiza, asiye na uhakika au asiyeamini wakati unamuuliza juu ya hilo." Hukasirika unapolia au unapokuwa na hisia-moyo. Anakuangalia kwa uso usio na maana unapoomboleza. Inakufanya uhisi kwamba huwezi kudhibiti hisia zako, na hujawahi kuhisi hivyo katika mahusiano ya awali. Unahisi kwamba hawezi kukuelewa, bila kujali unavyoeleza au kujilinda. Unahisi kwamba yeye hajui wewe, hata ingawa wamekuwa na fursa nyingi. Unahisi ukosefu wa uhusiano wa kihisia-moyo. Kuna drama na nguvu, na unapoangalia chini yake unapata ukosefu wa ukaribu wa kweli wa kihisia. Hatuchukui wanyama wetu wa kufugwa vibaya. Kwa mfano, huenda akasema kwamba anampenda mbwa wake, lakini anamruhusu aende bila kumlinda, anakataa kumtembelea daktari wa mifugo mbwa huyo anapokuwa mgonjwa au amejeruhiwa, anampa kileo, au anamwacha ndani ya ngome au nje katika baridi kali. Matendo husema zaidi ya maneno. Inakuambia wewe ni mwenye uhitaji sana au hisia sana. Ni mnyoofu sana na mwenye kukosoa kwa urahisi, na unapokasirika anakuambia kwamba yeye ni "mwaminifu tu". Uaminifu bila fadhili ni ukatili. Kuzungumza kwa muda mrefu juu ya mada ambayo ni wazi bored wewe, bila kugundua hilo. Haikuuliza jinsi siku yako ilivyokuwa au jinsi miadi yako ya daktari ilivyokwenda. Kusahau siku ya kuzaliwa au matukio mengine muhimu Anazungumzia jambo lenye kuumiza hata baada ya kumwomba aache. Anawatazama watu kwa kile anachoona kuwa maamuzi yao mabaya, bila kuzingatia jinsi hali zao za maisha zinaweza kuwa tofauti na zake. Anatarajia msamaha wa papo hapo. Huzuia na kuzuia hisia zako. Kujifunza Zaidi... ♥ Upendo kwa wote Maelezo yamefungwa. <unk>Nina kuwa mnyoofu ninapowaambia nimesoma vitabu na makala nyingi, nimezungumza na marafiki wangu na washauri, na hakuna kitu kimenisaidia kama kitabu hiki.. Kitabu hiki kimefanya kile ambacho miaka miwili ya ushauri haikuweza.. """Nashukuru sana kwa kupata kitabu hiki na nitashukuru milele kwa kufanya hivyo, macho yangu yameona mwanga." Natamani ningesoma kitabu hiki miaka mingi iliyopita. <unk>