Recently on the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, the featured Word of the Day was “etiquette.” Their definition reads: “The conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.”
While this definition may be accurate, its context is more appropriate for another era. So, how do we define “etiquette” in the 21st century?
The word “etiquette” originated from the French word “estiquette” meaning “ticket” or “label.” It references the custom of a king setting forth ceremonial rules to be observed by members of the court.
Now, as then, etiquette is about the ways we show up recognizably respectful in our behaviors. It is a reflection of the times yet, at its core, are the principles of good manners: respect, courtesy, tact, restraint, self-command, and responsibility.
Etiquette rules have always existed. Like us, they have evolved with changes in society and technology. The "how-to's" and "when-to's" of etiquette change over time, though the need for etiquette know-how does not.
A friend of mine on Facebook, Tom W. Bell, wrote to me: “Etiquette comes not so much from lifting your pinkie as from lifting others’ spirits.”
Though there are ways of holding and not holding objects properly, and ways of doing things that are recognized by others as exhibiting good manners, etiquette's inspiration is always about connecting with others, acting in ways that help them to feel welcome and accepted.
The guidelines are the tangibles of how it looks to others to show up in integrity. When you are mindful of where you are and who you are with, have an awareness of what is socially acceptable, and act with a kind heart, you will be able to solve for particular situations harmoniously.
Etiquette is not about putting on airs, but is not without pretense. However – pretense of the good kind. As in when you’re making it possible for something real and beneficial to happen. You might not feel like being kind or courteous, but you are anyway. When you take an action of kindness in one moment, you’ll never be sorry in the next.
Etiquette is a set of guidelines for expected social behavior. We share a world with other people and etiquette assumes a commitment to personal responsibility and civility.
Etiquette is ongoing learning through the practice of:
With these considerations, my working definition of etiquette is:
The mindful, personal , and intentional practice of creating respectful, kind and orderly interactions within family, social, professional, educational, neighborly and public environments.
Am I practically perfect at this? Heavens No! But, like you, I am aiming!
Living an etiquette-ful life is at the foundation of maintaining a free and civil society. It is never legislated and is open to every individual to choose.
"Kama ilivyoelezwa katika Kamusi ya Merriam-Webster, ""Utamaduni"" ni ""mwenendo au utaratibu unaohitajika na uzazi mzuri au uliopendekezwa na mamlaka ya kuzingatiwa katika maisha ya kijamii au rasmi.""" Kwa hiyo, tunafafanuaje "maadili" katika karne ya 21? Neno etiquette linatokana na neno la Kifaransa etiquette linalomaanisha tiketi au lebo, linarejelea desturi ya mfalme kuweka sheria za sherehe ambazo zinapaswa kuzingatiwa na wanachama wa mahakama. Sasa, kama ilivyokuwa wakati huo, adabu inahusu njia tunazoonyesha heshima katika tabia zetu. Ni mwangaza wa wakati huu, lakini katika kiini chake kuna kanuni za adabu nzuri: heshima, adabu, busara, kujizuia, kujidhibiti, na wajibu. Sheria za adabu zimekuwapo sikuzote. Kama sisi, wamebadilika kulingana na mabadiliko ya jamii na teknolojia. "Jinsi ya kufanya" na "wakati wa kufanya" ya adabu hubadilika kwa muda, ingawa uhitaji wa ujuzi wa adabu haubadiliki. "Mwanzoni mwa mwaka wa 2015, Tom W. Bell, mwandishi wa Facebook, aliandika: ""Etiquette haitokani na kuinua kidole chako kidogo, lakini na kuinua roho za wengine."" - Tom W. Bell, mwandishi wa Facebook, mwandishi wa etiquette, aliandika: ""Hata ingawa kuna njia za kushikilia na kutoshikilia vitu vizuri, na njia za kufanya mambo ambayo wengine wanatambua kuwa yanaonyesha tabia nzuri, msukumo wa adabu daima ni kuungana na wengine, kutenda kwa njia ambazo zinawasaidia kuhisi kukaribishwa na kukubaliwa." Miongozo ni mambo halisi ya jinsi inavyoonekana kwa wengine kuonekana katika uadilifu. Unapokuwa na ufahamu wa mahali ulipo na ni nani unayeishi naye, unafahamu kile kinachokubaliwa na jamii, na unafanya kwa moyo mwema, utaweza kutatua hali fulani kwa upatano. Tabia si juu ya kujifanya kuwa wa hali ya juu, lakini si bila kujifanya. Hata hivyo <unk> udanganyifu wa aina nzuri. Kama katika wakati wewe ni kufanya hivyo inawezekana kwa kitu halisi na manufaa kutokea. Huenda usipendezwe na kuwa mwenye fadhili au mwenye adabu, lakini wewe ni hivyo. Unapofanya tendo la fadhili katika wakati mmoja, hutajuta kamwe katika wakati uliofuata. Adabu ni mfululizo wa miongozo ya tabia ya kijamii inayotarajiwa. Tunashiriki ulimwengu na watu wengine na adabu inachukua ahadi ya wajibu wa kibinafsi na adabu. "Kutokana na mambo haya, ufafanuzi wangu wa kazi wa adabu ni: ""Mazoezi ya makini, ya kibinafsi, na ya makusudi ya kuunda mahusiano ya heshima, ya fadhili na ya utaratibu ndani ya mazingira ya familia, kijamii, ya kitaaluma, ya elimu, ya jirani na ya umma.""" Je, mimi ni karibu kamilifu katika hili? Mbingu Hapana! Lakini, kama wewe, mimi ni lengo! Kuishi maisha ya adabu ni msingi wa kudumisha jamii huru na ya kiraia. Haijawahi kuandikwa na sheria na kila mtu anaweza kuchagua.