“…every trouble wants to draw the very best of you into the world.”
—Mark Nepo, from Seven Thousand Ways to Listen
When trouble happens sometimes we want to avoid conflict, look the other way, or pretend that there aren’t any problems until things go back to normal. This approach hurts more than it helps. The Dutch have a word for this way of being: struisvogelpolitiek, literally, means “ostrich politics.” Acting like you don’t notice when something bad happens and continuing regardless as you normally would. Carrying on without addressing the real issue is a practice so prevalent that the Dutch pinned it down and named it. As school leaders we are called on to not only face trouble, but to transform difficult encounters into opportunities for stronger, more productive relationships.
Trust Your True Self
Building trustworthy relationships in life and work begins by cultivating inner trust and taking the perspective of another—the capacity to empathize with another. School leadership isn’t just about competency, expertise, strategic planning, and managing others. Before you can motivate or positively influence others, you must first connect to yourself, to your deepest values. According to work of the Center for Courage & Renewal and Parker J. Palmer, trust is based first on trusting your ‘true self’. The Center defines true self as that part of you that aligns with your deepest values. By receptively listening and aligning your actions to your true self, you act with greater congruence between your inner values and your outer actions, which translate into greater integrity, supporting relational trust.
Take the Perspective of Another
Research shows that leaders who are able to take the perspective of another demonstrate greater collaboration among co-workers. Perspective taking generates positive emotions in others and motivates trust, information sharing, cooperation, learning, and flexible responses, according to the study. Increasingly, school leaders are leading organizations during times of transition and this requires cultivating the capacity to hold ambiguity, complexity, tension, conflict, and unresolvedness, perhaps over sustained periods. The capacity to hold others’ points of view, to understand another’s perspective without championing one and making the other invalid, holding competing ends of a conflict is healthy, creative tension, and sets a foundation for outcomes where all sides win.
Be An Empathetic Leader
An important first step in developing relational trust in schools begins with becoming a more empathetic school leader, cultivating kindness, and acceptance of ourselves. Before we are able to build bonds within organizations and teams in stable times or times of transition and change, we must build bonds of support for ourselves. Before we can thoughtfully consider the feelings of others, we must thoughtfully recognize and understand our own feelings.
Empathy, according to psychologist and science journalist, Daniel Goleman, in his Harvard Business Review article, What Makes a Leader, is an essential leadership skill. It does not mean becoming a doormat, passively acquiescing to others with whom you disagree, or trying to please everyone all the time. Instead, empathy is about thoughtfully and intelligently taking the perspective of others, recognizing their emotions, staying out of judgment, and communicating understanding of others. With empathy, school leaders are in a better position to consider not only others’ emotions, but their needs and values; strengthening true connection even across cultural, racial, gender, and ethnic differences.
TRY THESE MINDFUL LISTENING PRACTICES:
Mindfulness, the practice of nonjudgmental awareness of what is happening inside and outside one’s self, goes deeper than simply generating feelings of relaxation and calm, or developing a toolbox of mind techniques. It is an embodied practice that creates an inner balance that allows for greater emotional stability, with clarity to act and to respond with greater understanding. Mindfulness is both and inward (body sensations, thoughts, feelings) and an outward practice (awareness of interactions with others, one’s environment). A mindful school leader is an empathetic school leader. Here are some mindful listening and speaking practices that you can try:
- In your next challenging conversation, stop, pause, and breathe
- Before you say anything in response, focus on what is being said and connect with your body sensations and feelings
- Give that person your full attention in the moment
- Notice when your mind wanders and when your thinking turns to judgment or to formulating a response, or anything else, and return your attention to the speaker
- Listen for what is said below the words, for the feeling tone, the person may be conveying
- After the speaker has finished speaking, pause and check in with how you are feeling
- Breathe and restore a sense of calm within you before you respond
- Mirror back, with sincerity, what you’ve heard, saying something like: “What I heard was_________. Is that right?”
- Validate the other’s perspective even if you don’t agree, with words like: “That makes sense to me” or “I can understand how you might feel.”
- Listen deeper
These kinds of fully engaged, compassionate listening practices (especially in difficult conversations) are an act of courage. They work to strengthen trust and understanding, the building blocks for mindful school leadership and authentic presence.
Sources and Resources:
Center for Courage & Renewal. www.couragerenewal.org
Goleman, Daniel. 1998. What Makes a Leader, Harvard Business Review, Best of HBR 1998, pp.89-90.
Human 1.0. 2014. The Social Workplace Trust Study. https://www.iabc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Social-Workplace-Trust-Study1.pdf
ILR School, Cornell University. 2009. Workplace Trust Research
Simple steps can build credibility. https://www.ilr.cornell.edu/news/workplace-trust-research
Interaction Associate. 2014. Building Workplace Trust: Trends and High Performance. http://interactionassociates.com/sites/default/files/research_items/Trust%20Report_2014_15IA_0.pdf
Lindahl, Kay. The Listening Center. www.sacredlistening.com
"Mara nyingi, matatizo huvutia mambo mazuri zaidi ya mtu mwenyewe, kama ilivyoelezwa na Mark Nepo katika kitabu chake ""Seven Thousand Ways to Listen"" (Njia elfu saba za kusikiliza), ""Wakati matatizo yanapotokea, wakati mwingine tunataka kuepuka mgogoro, kuangalia upande mwingine, au kujifanya kwamba hakuna matatizo hadi mambo yatarudi kawaida." Njia hiyo husababisha madhara zaidi kuliko kusaidia. "Hii ni kwa sababu ya neno la Kiholanzi ""struisvogelpolitiek"" ambalo linamaanisha ""sera ya mbweha,"" ambayo ni tabia ya kuonekana kama haujatambua kitu kibaya kinapotokea na kuendelea kufanya hivyo kama kawaida." Kuendelea bila kushughulikia suala halisi ni zoea ambalo limekuwa likienea sana hivi kwamba Waholanzi waliliweka chini na kulipa jina. Kama viongozi wa shule tunaitwa sio tu kukabiliana na shida, lakini kubadilisha kukutana ngumu kuwa fursa za mahusiano yenye nguvu zaidi, yenye kuzaa. Kuamini Wewe Mwenyewe wa Kweli Kujenga mahusiano ya kuaminika katika maisha na kazi huanza kwa kukuza imani ya ndani na kuchukua mtazamo wa mwingine - uwezo wa kuhisi hisia-mwenzi na mwingine. Uongozi wa shule si tu kuhusu uwezo, utaalam, mipango ya kimkakati, na kusimamia wengine. Kabla huwezi kuhamasisha au kushawishi wengine, lazima kwanza uunganishe na wewe mwenyewe, kwa maadili yako ya kina. Kulingana na kazi ya Kituo cha Ujasiri na Urekebishaji na Parker J. Palmer, uaminifu unategemea kwanza kuamini "wenyewe wa kweli". Kituo cha kweli hufafanua 'wetu wa kweli' kama sehemu ya sisi ambayo inalingana na maadili yetu ya ndani zaidi. Kwa kusikiliza kwa uaminifu na kuelekeza vitendo vyako kwa nafsi yako halisi, unafanya kazi kwa usawa mkubwa kati ya maadili yako ya ndani na vitendo vyako vya nje, ambavyo hutafsiri kuwa uadilifu mkubwa, unaounga mkono uaminifu wa uhusiano. "Kuchunguza mtazamo wa mwingine: Utafiti unaonyesha kwamba viongozi ambao wanaweza kuchukua mtazamo wa mwingine huonyesha ushirikiano mkubwa kati ya wafanyikazi wenzao.""" Kuchukua mtazamo hutokeza hisia nzuri kwa wengine na kuhamasisha uaminifu, kushiriki habari, ushirikiano, kujifunza, na majibu ya kubadilika, kulingana na utafiti. Kwa kuongezeka, viongozi wa shule wanaongoza mashirika wakati wa mabadiliko na hii inahitaji kukuza uwezo wa kushikilia utata, utata, mvutano, mgogoro, na kutatuliwa, labda kwa vipindi vya muda mrefu. Uwezo wa kushikilia maoni ya wengine, kuelewa mtazamo wa mwingine bila kuunga mkono moja na kufanya nyingine isiyofaa, kushikilia mwisho wa ushindani wa mgogoro ni afya, mvutano wa ubunifu, na huweka msingi wa matokeo ambapo pande zote zinashinda. Kuwa kiongozi mwenye hisia-mwenzi Hatua muhimu ya kwanza katika kukuza uaminifu wa mahusiano katika shule huanza na kuwa kiongozi wa shule mwenye hisia-mwenzi zaidi, kukuza fadhili, na kukubali sisi wenyewe. Kabla hatujaweza kujenga vifungo ndani ya mashirika na timu katika nyakati za utulivu au nyakati za mabadiliko na mabadiliko, lazima tujenge vifungo vya msaada kwa sisi wenyewe. Kabla hatujaweza kufikiria hisia za wengine, ni lazima tutambue na kuelewa hisia zetu wenyewe. "Kulingana na mwanasaikolojia na mwandishi wa habari wa sayansi Daniel Goleman, ""Kujali ni ujuzi muhimu wa uongozi.""" Haimaanishi kuwa kama kitambaa cha mlangoni, kukubali kwa utulivu wale ambao hukubaliani nao, au kujaribu kumfurahisha kila mtu wakati wote. Badala yake, hisia-mwenzi ni kuhusu kufikiri kwa busara na kwa akili kuchukua mtazamo wa wengine, kutambua hisia zao, kukaa nje ya hukumu, na kuwasiliana uelewa wa wengine. Kwa hisia-mwenzi, viongozi wa shule wako katika nafasi bora ya kuzingatia sio tu hisia za wengine, lakini mahitaji yao na maadili; kuimarisha uhusiano wa kweli hata katika tofauti za kitamaduni, rangi, jinsia, na kikabila. "Kufanya mazoezi haya ya kusikiliza: ""Mindfulness, mazoezi ya ufahamu wa kutohukumu wa kile kinachotokea ndani na nje ya mtu mwenyewe, huenda kina zaidi ya tu kuzalisha hisia za kupumzika na utulivu, au kuendeleza sanduku la zana za mbinu za akili.""" Ni mazoezi ya mwili ambayo huunda usawa wa ndani ambao unaruhusu utulivu mkubwa wa kihisia, na uwazi wa kutenda na kujibu kwa uelewa mkubwa. Mindfulness ni wote na ndani (mwili hisia, mawazo, hisia) na mazoezi ya nje (utambuzi wa maingiliano na wengine, moja ya mazingira). Kiongozi wa shule mwenye uangalifu ni kiongozi wa shule mwenye hisia-mwenzi. "Hii ni baadhi ya mazoezi ya kusikiliza na kusema ambayo unaweza kujaribu: ""Kwenye mazungumzo yako ya pili ya changamoto, simama, pumzika, na pumua."" - Kabla ya kusema chochote, fikira kile kinachosemwa na kuunganisha na hisia na hisia za mwili wako. - Mpe mtu huyo uangalifu wako wote wakati huo. - Angalia wakati akili yako inapotea na wakati mawazo yako yanapogeuka kwa hukumu au kuunda jibu, au kitu kingine chochote, na umrudishe uangalifu wako kwa msemaji. - Sikiliza kwa kile kinachosemwa chini ya maneno, kwa sauti ya hisia, mtu anaweza kuwa akipeleka. - Baada ya msemaji kumaliza kusema, pumzika na angalia." "Kama unajua, ""Sikiliza kwa kina"" ni aina ya mazoezi ya kusikiliza yenye huruma (hasa katika mazungumzo magumu) ni tendo la ujasiri." Wanafanya kazi kuimarisha uaminifu na uelewa, vitalu vya ujenzi kwa uongozi wa shule wenye kuzingatia na uwepo halisi. Vyanzo na Rasilimali: Kituo cha Ujasiri na Urekebishaji. www.couragerenewal.org - Mwalimu wa Usalama wa Kimataifa Mwaka 1998 "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika kitabu ""What Makes a Leader: Harvard Business Review: Best of HBR 1998,"" ukurasa wa 89." Mwanadamu 1.0 Mwaka 2014 Utafiti wa Uaminifu wa Kazi ya Jamii. "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika makala ya ""Mtazamo wa Uaminifu wa Jamii na Kazi"" (ILR School, Cornell University)." Mwaka 2009 Utafiti wa Uaminifu wa Mahali pa Kazi Hatua rahisi zinaweza kujenga uaminifu. "Hii ni kwa sababu ya ""Cornell"" (www.cornell.edu) ni kampuni ya utafiti na utafiti ya kimataifa ya utafiti wa ujasusi na ujasusi." Mwaka 2014 Kujenga Uaminifu wa Mahali pa Kazi: Mwelekeo na Utendaji wa Juu. "Kama ilivyoelezwa katika makala ya ""Mfano wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti wa Utafiti.""" Kituo cha Kusikiliza. www.sacredlistening.com