“Let’s enroll her in a sports camp this summer,” my husband recently suggested during dinner. I was surprised at his comment, since the subject had never come up before.
“I'm not certain our 10-year-old daughter would be comfortable in a camp with several boys and only a handful of girls,” I said.
“I think that’s the point. We want to teach her that she is capable of interacting with boys in an environment that is out of her comfort zone. You talk a lot about the importance of equal gender rights. Well, enrolling her in this camp is the best way to teach her how much boys and girls can accomplish doing an activity or sport together.”
Our conversation made me consider the choices I’ve made for my child in selecting a summer camp. For starters, I’ve mainly focused on her interests: art, crafting, and baking. Last year I placed her in a painting/sculpture camp for a week with other girls about her age. A good friend of mine also enrolled her 10-year-old, so the drop-offs were easy.
My daughter adored the projects: painting with watercolors, assembling figures from papier-mâché, and sculpting a heart with the letters l-o-v-e embedded in it. She displayed her finished works with a smile and we took pictures as if she were debuting her own personal art show at a gallery in New York.
The following week, I thought I was creating balance when I enrolled her in a summer camp where she played tennis. Because she had already attended the camp before, she gravitated toward her old set of friends, and loved feeling comfortable. But I wonder now if I made a mistake in only considering the social perspective of her camp experience. Perhaps in choosing a “feminine” fit for her summer camp, I lost the chance to teach her that she is capable of participating in activities traditionally reserved for boys only.
After all, my daughter sees discrimination on a daily basis through the differentiation in how toys are marketed to boys and girls. A study by sociologist Carol J. Auster and Claire S. Mansbach revealed profound gender bias in their sobering analysis of toy sales: “Bold colored toys, predominantly red, black, brown, or gray toys, and those that were action figures, building toys, weapons, or small vehicles typified toys for 'boys only' on a Disney store website. Pastel colored toys, predominantly pink or purple ones, and those that were dolls, beauty, cosmetics, jewelry, or domestic-oriented typified toys for 'girls only.'"
While seeing that information in print is startling, I would hate for my daughter to think that an activity is only for boys, or only for girls. But aren’t I guilty of the same kind of bias, by focusing on arts, cooking, and theater camps, while neglecting to push her toward coding, science and, sports camps? Isn’t summer camp the best way for girls to be introduced to engineering, architecture, and baseball?
I suspect the decisions I’ve made for my child are a reflection of my background. My immigrant parents tried their best to navigate the terrain of a new continent and pushed me to learn how to cook and sew, but never emphasized the importance of sports. They didn’t encourage me to play outside — instead I was warned, “It’s too dangerous. Don’t you want to play indoors and work on coloring or crafts?”
I understand now that their choices were born more out of caution than a real thought-out plan to keep my interests separate from those of boys.
I think the real reason I decided to enroll my daughter in female activity-biased summer camps was because I wanted to give her a social cushion, so she wouldn’t have to struggle to work through the awkwardness of doing something outside of her comfort zone. I was more concerned with the questions: “Will she like it? Is she comfortable? Does she have a friend?”
It’s not a bad way of looking at life, it’s just a short-sighted one.
Developing awareness is where change can take root. The talk with my husband pushed me to consider how narrow-minded I was in sheltering my daughter from exploring interests and interacting with boys and girls her age. Because the kind of summer I wish for my child to experience — thinking, reflecting and expanding her world — is one that isn’t girl or boy specific, but instead is one that cultivates a love of learning.
So this summer, we're signing her up for sports camp. Because we want to equip our daughter for success — and there’s no better way to do that than to show her that when it comes to gender equality, her parents don’t feel a bias, and therefore, neither should she.
"Hebu tuandikishe katika kambi ya michezo majira ya joto haya", mume wangu hivi karibuni alipendekeza wakati wa chakula cha jioni. Nilishangaa kusikia maneno yake, kwa kuwa sikuwa nimewahi kuzungumzia jambo hilo. "Sijui kama binti yetu mwenye umri wa miaka kumi angehisi vizuri katika kambi yenye wavulana kadhaa na wasichana wachache tu", nikasema. Nadhani hiyo ndiyo maana. Tunataka kumfundisha kuwa ana uwezo wa kuingiliana na wavulana katika mazingira ambayo ni nje ya eneo lake la starehe. Unazungumza sana juu ya umuhimu wa haki sawa za kijinsia. Kwa hivyo, kumandikisha katika kambi hii ni njia bora ya kumfundisha jinsi wavulana na wasichana wanaweza kutimiza kufanya shughuli au mchezo pamoja. <unk> Mazungumzo yetu yalinifanya nifikirie chaguzi ambazo nimefanya kwa mtoto wangu katika kuchagua kambi ya majira ya joto. Kwa kuanza, nimekuwa hasa ililenga maslahi yake: sanaa, ufundi, na kuoka. Mwaka jana nilimweka katika kambi ya uchoraji-sanamu kwa juma moja pamoja na wasichana wengine wa umri wake. Mmoja wa marafiki zangu wa karibu pia aliandikisha mtoto wake wa miaka 10 katika shule hiyo, kwa hiyo ilikuwa rahisi kumwachia. Binti yangu alipenda sana kazi hizo: kuchora kwa rangi za maji, kutengeneza sanamu kwa kutumia karatasi ya karatasi, na kuchonga moyo wenye herufi l-o-v-e. Aliweka picha zake za kazi zake za sanaa na alitupiga picha kama kwamba alikuwa akifanya maonyesho yake ya kwanza katika nyumba ya sanaa ya New York. Juma lililofuata, nilidhani nilikuwa nikifanya kazi ya kuimarisha usawaziko nilipomandikisha katika kambi ya majira ya kiangazi ambako alicheza tenisi. Kwa kuwa alikuwa amehudhuria kambi hiyo hapo awali, alipendezwa na marafiki wake wa zamani, na alipenda kujisikia vizuri. Lakini sasa najiuliza kama nilifanya kosa kwa kuzingatia tu mtazamo wa kijamii wa uzoefu wake wa kambi. Labda katika kuchagua "kike" fit kwa ajili ya kambi yake ya majira ya joto, mimi waliopotea nafasi ya kumfundisha kwamba yeye ni uwezo wa kushiriki katika shughuli jadi kuhifadhiwa kwa wavulana tu. Baada ya yote, binti yangu anaona ubaguzi kila siku kupitia tofauti katika jinsi vitu vya kuchezea vinavyouzwa kwa wavulana na wasichana. "Kuchunguza kwa Carol J. Auster na Claire S. Mansbach ilifunua upendeleo mkubwa wa kijinsia katika uchambuzi wao wa kuuza vitu vya kuchezea: ""Vitu vya kuchezea vyenye rangi kubwa, hasa nyekundu, nyeusi, kahawia, au kijivu, na zile ambazo zilikuwa takwimu za hatua, vitu vya kuchezea vya ujenzi, silaha, au magari madogo, zilionyesha vitu vya kuchezea vya ""wavulana tu"" kwenye tovuti ya duka la Disney." Vichezeo vyenye rangi ya rangi ya pasteli, hasa vya rangi ya waridi au zambarau, na vile vilivyokuwa wanasesere, vipodozi, vipodozi, vito, au vitu vya nyumbani vilivyowekwa kwa ajili ya 'wasichana tu.'" """Kama habari hii inashangaza, ningependa binti yangu asidhani kuwa shughuli ni ya wavulana tu au wasichana tu." Lakini je, mimi si hatia ya aina hiyo ya upendeleo, kwa kuzingatia sanaa, kupika, na kambi za ukumbi wa michezo, wakati kupuuza kushinikiza yake kuelekea programu, sayansi na, kambi za michezo? Je, kambi ya majira ya joto si njia bora zaidi kwa wasichana kuanzishwa kwa uhandisi, usanifu-ujenzi, na baseball? Nadhani maamuzi niliyofanya kwa ajili ya mtoto wangu yanaonyesha malezi yangu. Wazazi wangu waliohamia nchi nyingine walijaribu kadiri walivyoweza kugundua eneo hilo na walinifundisha kupika na kushona, lakini hawakunipa umuhimu wa kucheza michezo. Hawakutia moyo nicheze nje badala yake nilionywa, ni hatari sana. Je, hutaki kucheza ndani ya nyumba na kufanya kazi ya rangi au ufundi? Sasa ninaelewa kwamba uchaguzi wao ulizaliwa zaidi kwa tahadhari kuliko mpango halisi wa kufikiria kuweka maslahi yangu tofauti na yale ya wavulana. """Nafikiri sababu halisi niliyoamua kumandikisha binti yangu katika kambi za majira ya joto za shughuli za wanawake ni kwa sababu nilitaka kumpa mto wa kijamii, hivyo hakutakuwa na shida ya kufanya kazi nje ya eneo lake la starehe." Nilikuwa na wasiwasi zaidi na maswali: <unk>Je, ataipenda? Je, anafurahia maisha? Je, ana rafiki? <unk> Si njia mbaya ya kuangalia maisha, ni tu moja ya muda mfupi. Kuendeleza ufahamu ni mahali ambapo mabadiliko yanaweza kuenea. Mazungumzo yangu na mume wangu yalinifanya nifikirie jinsi nilivyokuwa na akili nyembamba katika kumzuia binti yangu asitafute mapendezi na kuingiliana na wavulana na wasichana wa umri wake. Kwa sababu aina ya majira ya joto natamani kwa mtoto wangu uzoefu <unk> kufikiri, kutafakari na kupanua ulimwengu wake <unk> ni moja ambayo si msichana au mvulana maalum, lakini badala yake ni moja ambayo kukuza upendo wa kujifunza. Kwa hivyo, majira haya ya joto, tunamsajili kwa kambi ya michezo. Kwa sababu tunataka kumtayarisha binti yetu kwa mafanikio - na hakuna njia bora ya kufanya hivyo kuliko kumonyesha kwamba linapokuja usawa wa kijinsia, wazazi wake hawahisi upendeleo, na kwa hivyo, yeye pia hapaswi.