Cause and Effect
Your reaction to the events around you determines how you feel and how you affect those you come into contact with. Consider the following example:
Jane, a bank executive, got caught in traffic on her way to an important presentation at a board of directors meeting. As a result, she was forty-five minutes late for her presentation. After the meeting Jane was in a really bad mood. Upon returning to her office she discovered that several expected reports were not there.
Jane called Kevin, her administrative assistant, into her office and reprimanded him for not ensuring the reports had arrived on time. Another department was preparing the reports. Kevin had no control over when they would be delivered. Jane was in a foul mood and she didn’t want to hear any excuses.
Upset and stressed, Kevin called Donna, the secretary for the department preparing the reports. He started yelling at her that the reports that he had requested had not arrived. Although this was the first Donna had heard of the reports, Kevin didn’t care. He was upset and took his anger out on Donna.
By the time she got off the phone with Kevin, Donna was seething. Who did Kevin think he was speaking to her like that? Just then, Ed from the mailroom called Donna to ask how she wanted a package shipped. Donna accused Ed of being an idiot for not knowing the package should be sent overnight because it was so important.
Ed tried to explain there was no way he could have known what she wanted. Donna just slammed the phone down in a huff. Ed was livid. Did Donna think he was a mind reader? Ed was still agitated as he went to the diner for lunch.
The diner was extremely busy. His waitress, Stacey, took longer than usual to take his order. Ed was annoyed with the slow service. He was rude to Stacey and left her a small tip. Stacy was running herself ragged and was offended by Ed’s attitude and tip.
The rest of Stacey’s shift seemed to drag. When she finally got off work, she was in no mood for any more hassles from anyone. As Stacey walked into her apartment, her five-year-old son, Jimmy, ran excitedly to greet her.
Stacey immediately noticed that Jimmy’s pants were filthy. “I just washed those,” she yelled. “Can’t you keep anything clean?” Jimmy ran up to his room crying. His cat came over to him purring. Jimmy was so upset he kicked the cat.
Wouldn’t it have saved a lot of people a lot of grief if Jane had gone directly to Stacey’s house and kicked Jimmy’s cat?
When you take out your frustrations on others you may be starting a cascading chain reaction. If someone takes out their frustrations on you, break the chain by not taking it out on someone else. When you react negatively to another’s behavior you allow yourself to be drawn into their problems. You control your thoughts. If you feel annoyed, wait and think before speaking or acting.
Keep things in perspective. Let stress roll off you without grabbing hold of and internalizing it. Don’t kick the cat.
© 2004 Bryan Golden
Sababu na Matokeo: Mtazamo wako kwa matukio yanayokuzunguka huamua jinsi unavyohisi na jinsi unavyowaathiri wale unaowasiliana nao. Fikiria mfano ufuatao: Jane, mtendaji wa benki, alikutwa na msongamano wa magari alipokuwa akienda kwenye mkutano muhimu wa bodi ya wakurugenzi. Kwa sababu hiyo, alichelewa kwa dakika arobaini na tano kwa ajili ya hotuba yake. Baada ya mkutano huo Jane alikuwa na hali mbaya sana. Aliporudi ofisini mwake aligundua kwamba ripoti kadhaa zilizotarajiwa hazikuwapo. Jane alimwita Kevin, msaidizi wake wa kiutawala, ofisini mwake na kumkemea kwa kutohakikisha kwamba ripoti zilikuwa zimefika kwa wakati. Idara nyingine ilikuwa ikiandaa ripoti hizo. Kevin hakuwa na udhibiti juu ya wakati wangetolewa. Jane alikuwa na hali mbaya ya moyo na hakutaka kusikia udhuru wowote. Akiwa amechanganyikiwa na kukasirishwa, Kevin alimpigia simu Donna, katibu wa idara iliyokuwa ikiandaa ripoti hizo. Alianza kumpigia kelele kwamba ripoti alizokuwa ameomba hazikuwa zimewasili. Ingawa hii ilikuwa mara ya kwanza Donna alikuwa amesikia juu ya ripoti, Kevin hakupendezwa. Alikasirika na kumchukia Donna. Alipokuwa akimaliza kuzungumza na Kevin kwa simu, Donna alikuwa akichoma moto. Kevin alifikiri alikuwa akizungumza naye kwa njia hiyo? Wakati huohuo, Ed kutoka idara ya barua alimwita Donna na kumwuliza jinsi alivyotaka kifurushi kiendeshewe. Donna alimshtaki Ed kuwa mjinga kwa kutojua kwamba kifurushi hicho kilipaswa kutumwa usiku kucha kwa sababu kilikuwa muhimu sana. Ed alijaribu kumweleza kwamba hakuweza kujua kile alichotaka. Donna alisimamisha simu kwa hasira. Ed alikuwa na hasira kali. Je, Donna alifikiri kwamba alikuwa msomaji wa mawazo? Ed alikuwa bado amekasirika alipokuwa akienda kwenye mkahawa kula chakula cha mchana. Mkahawa huo ulikuwa na watu wengi sana. Mhudumu wake, Stacey, alichukua muda mrefu kuliko kawaida kuchukua agizo lake. Ed alikasirishwa na utumishi wa polepole. Alikuwa mchafu kwa Stacey na kumwacha bakshishi kidogo. Stacy alikuwa akijifanya kuwa mchafu na alikasirishwa na mtazamo na ncha ya Ed. Sehemu iliyobaki ya zamu ya Stacey ilionekana kuendelea kwa muda mrefu. Hatimaye alipotoka kazini, hakuwa na hamu ya kusumbuliwa na mtu yeyote. Stacey alipokuwa akiingia katika nyumba yake, mwanawe Jimmy mwenye umri wa miaka mitano alikimbia kwa msisimko kumsalimu. Stacey aliona mara moja kwamba suruali za Jimmy zilikuwa chafu. "Nilikuwa tu kuosha wale", yeye alipiga kelele. "Je, huwezi kuweka chochote safi?" Jimmy alikimbia hadi chumba chake akilia. Paka wake alikuja kwake akipiga kelele. Jimmy alikasirika sana hivi kwamba alimchapa paka. Je, isingekuwa kuokoa watu wengi mengi ya huzuni kama Jane alikuwa alikwenda moja kwa moja kwa nyumba Stacey ya na kicked paka Jimmy ya? Unapowashutumu wengine, huenda ukaanza mlipuko wa hasira. Ikiwa mtu anakuchukulia uchungu wake,vunja mlolongo kwa kutomchukulia mtu mwingine. Unapokabiliana na tabia ya mtu mwingine kwa njia isiyofaa, unaruhusu matatizo yake yakushughulishe wewe pia. Unadhibiti mawazo yako. Ikiwa unahisi umekasirika, subiri na ufikirie kabla ya kusema au kutenda. Weka mambo katika mtazamo unaofaa. Acha mkazo uondoke kwako bila kuushikilia na kuutumia. Usipige paka makofi. 2004 Bryan Golden