text:
My zombie best friend and housemate
In Wimbledon there are zombies.
A weird encounter in Wimbledon. Perhaps it was a zombie.
Interview with a zombie.
The zombie becomes my housemate.
His beautiful music melted my heart.
Zombie world.
In Wimbledon there are zombies.
I know this must seem a bit strange, but for the last two years I have been sharing my house with a zombie.
It all started just after New Year's Day 2009. I had recently moved into a house, not two streets away from Wimbledon cemetery in South West London. The house which I took at a rent of £1000 per month was a typical Edwardian terraced house, one of many in that once genteel part of the great metropolis.
As, is often the case with rented properties, it was semi furnished. That is to say that there was a very sorry looking sofa in the living room, and a new fridge and cooker in the kitchen. Also in the living room there was a large upright piano, and piano stool. The letting agent explained that the musical instrument had belonged to the late owner of the house, and that the landlord had decided to leave it there, as a "character piece" to give a bit of class to the otherwise empty house. My long experience of landlords had taught me that it was more likely that he could see no profit in employing several men to take the piano away, so it was left in situ.
Still as I enjoyed pretending, in a one fingered sort of way that I was a musician, I readily agreed that the piano lent ambience to the room, and I was delighted to see it remain.
It didn't take me too long to settle into the house. I brought my bed and television, my favourite books, my trusty computer, and of course my beloved three year old tabby cat, from my old flat. After a visit to Wimbledon to acquire some new furniture I was as content as it was possible to be.
As always happens after one has moved into a new area I decided that I should explore my environs to see what the local attractions might be, and to find out where such necessaries as the nearest supermarket, newsagent, cafe etc might be. I have always had a fascination with local history, and an almost morbid attraction to reading the inscriptions on headstones, and on the tombs that are a feature of the Victorian cemeteries that populate all the outer boroughs of the city.
Consequently one of the first places that I explored was the very same Wimbledon cemetery that got mentioned in my first paragraph.
Wimbledon cemetery is a large and sprawling place, not very distinguished looking, with two rather shabby looking chapels of rest close to the main gate. The graves are all laid out in straight rows, with the headstones standing to attention as though they are sentinels listening for the last trumpet. Here and there one or two are fallen over, as if a soldier that had too much to drink was spoiling the parade. A couple of large Yew trees cast their sombre shadow over the ranks of the dead.
A weird encounter in Wimbledon. Perhaps it was a zombie.
I don't exactly know how this happened, but when I entered through the wrought iron gates of the borough necropolis I felt an irresistible urge to strike off to my left, rather than exploring the chapels of rest, which would normally have been my first port of call. It was as if there was someone directing my steps. I even imagined that there was a voice in my head saying
"This way please. I am waiting for you"
In the distance there was a large pitched roofed tomb, and it was in its direction that my steps seemed to be directed. When I approached nearer I could see that there was a large pair of double doors, cast in heavy iron, which gave entrance to whatever ghastly secrets lay within. There was an inscription embossed on the doors in long greened brass. This is what the inscription said.
Here lieth the mortal remains of
Julian Faversham,
Late of this parish.
He was for many years organist to the Church of St Margaret.
His brilliant musicianship turned many souls to God.
While I stood there contemplating on the life of the late Julian, the voice in my head seemed to come again.
"Speak to me" was the message conveyed.
I suddenly found myself talking out loud.
"Julian Faversham. If you were such a brilliant musician, why don't you move in with me? I have a beautiful piano you might like to play"
A banging noise came from the mausoleum, followed by a crash, and a splintering sound, as if a very heavy box had fallen on the floor within.
The spell was broken, and I fled from the cemetery, and didn't stop until I had slammed the door of my new residence behind me.
Interview with a zombie.
That night I lay sleepless in my bed. I was turning over and over in my head memories of the frightening incident in the graveyard. Did it really happen? Or was it just that the atmosphere in the cemetery had induced hallucinations in my overactive imagination?
I had decided that it was my imagination, and was just drifting off into sleep, when I heard a key turning in the front door downstairs.
Immediately all notion of slumber vanished and I shot bolt upright in the bed. I could feel my heart almost bursting forth from its fleshy cavity, so fast was it beating.
The front door opened, and then was slowly pushed closed. Somebody was moving ponderously down the corridor in the direction of the living room. It sounded as if the intruder was very old. There were no steps, just repetitive shuffling sounds. Each "slither" put ice cold shivers into my very core.
I tried to breathe.
I tried to move.
It was as if someone had dropped me into a deep freeze, and locked the door. I really was petrified with terror.
The shuffling sound stopped at the door of the living room.
Through my palsied nostrils wafted a smell so noisome, and so awful that my stomach was forced to heave, and my dinner of earlier that night was deposited all over the new duvet cover that I had purchased only that week.
Once when I was young I came across the body of a sheep that had fallen into a country stream and been left there to lie by a negligent farmer. It must have been there for some months. The smell that drifted up my stairs reminded me of that long dead herbivore. The recollection did not fill me with good cheer as to the identity or intentions of my intruder below.
The living room door opened, and was closed again as stealthily as had the door of the house. I could hear the shuffling noise cross the floor of the room. then there was a sound as if someone was pulling out the piano stool in order to sit at the piano.
Slowly the unmistakable sound of the E flat nocturne by Chopin started to fill the house.
The music seemed to have a soothing effect on my dread. I still felt fearful, but it was as if someone who could produce such gorgeous sounds could not possibly be a homicidal maniac.
The beating in my heart subsided, and I found myself gradually being able to breathe more normally. I even managed to pinch myself to see if I was really awake.
The nocturne petered out, and it was immediately replaced by the lively jingle of Mozart,s Turkish Rondo, to be followed by the the Military Polonaise,(another Chopin Masterpiece).
By this time my courage had completely returned, and I started to think about the effect spirited renditions of Chopin's martial music might have on the neighbours, if it woke them in the middle of the night.
So, plucking up my courage, I descended to the living room in order to gain the acquaintance of my midnight caller.
I knocked on the door.
Immediately the music stopped.
A voice that was identical to the one I had heard in my head in the graveyard said
When I went into the room, the figure that had been sitting at the piano got up, turned to me, and gave an old fashioned courteous bow.
He was not a pretty sight.
His skin seemed to have dried out, and it was shrunken, so that it barely covered the outlines of the skull. If there were any eyes, they were sunk so far into the sockets as to be invisible. Some of the parchment eperdimis that was clinging to the neck, had come away and was hanging loose like wallpaper that was partially stripped.
The hand, which this cadaver extended to me to shake, was green with mould, and the skeletal tips of the fingers were emerging from the crumbling remnants of skin that covered the palms and wrists.
"Julian Faversham at your service" it said.
I declined to shake the decaying appendage.
"I would be obliged to you sir if you could tell me what you are doing in my house, and whether you intend to continue causing disturbance to this respectable neighbourhood by playing my piano in the middle of the night"
I said firmly
"You invited me" was the reply
"Furthermore you did yourself actually ask me to stay, and I would entertain you with beautiful music. I promise not to play the piano at night, and I will give you free music lessons instead of rent"
I had to admit that there was a measure of justice in the zombie's case. I had invited him.
"How did you get in", I asked, hoping to wrong foot him somehow.
"Why did you have a key"?
The answer that he gave really floored me.
"I used to live here. That was my piano. I have been waiting in that dark tomb for almost eighty years for someone to invite me to return to my beloved instrument.
My awful son used to live in this house until he died last year. He would never invite me back.
I sensed, straightaway, that you had a kind heart, so I put it into your head to invite me when you entered the cemetery".
"But what will you eat" I asked apprehensively.
I had always heard that zombies eat human flesh, and music or not, I had no intention of placing myself in the position of being this corpse's next meal.
"You have a cat" came the sepulchral reply.
"You are not eating my beloved tabby you mouldy bastard" I shouted at him.
"Relax" the zombie said.
"It is a lie propagated by generations of B Movies that zombies eat humans, or any live thing. I only asked about your cat because, if your budget could run to another couple of tins of cat food a week, that would be all I require for sustenance".
"But you stink" I said. "I cannot live with that awful stench in the house".
"Easily solved. Just invest in plenty of strong air freshener for the first couple of weeks. Then if you get me some proprietary furniture polish, I can rub it into my skin. It should get rid of the smell permanently, and it will stop my skin from crumbling all the time".
His beautiful music melted my heart.
The zombie becomes my housemate.
All objections seemed to be covered by this stage, so I agreed that he could stay. He has been in residence ever since.
He does not require a bed. He sleeps in a cupboard in the living room. I have made an arrangement with him, that when I have any guests, he must remain quietly out of sight.
Very occasionally he revisits the graveyard. I do not encourage these expeditions. Once he brought a female cadaver back for a one night stand.
I did not sleep that night. I may be broadminded, but the sound of rustling parchment, and heaving bones, coming from the room beneath my own, does not float my boat.
Besides it was left to me to hoover up the flaky bits in the morning.
I have made it a house rule that necrophiliac coupling can only now happen when I am on holidays.
Apart from these few teething problems, Julian is a brilliant housemate. He still plays the piano divinely. If we can find some way to disguise his appearance, he hopes to enter for Britain's got Talent this year.
Simon Cowell will be impressed.
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Hahahaha! I loved every minute of it. I am going to post this everywhere today.
Hahahaha brilliant! Loved it.
I love it Christopher!
I'm hungry for more lol
Awesome and up!
Christopher, I loved this hub! Delightful suspense, delightful humor. I laughed when you set the rule for no necrophiliac coupling unless you are on holiday!
Hey Christopher, thanks for the compliment and the tip. I'll follow Stan.
Just so you know, I am EXTREMELY allergic to patchouli oil! If I even get so much as a whiff of the stuff, my throat starts closing up and I gag rather violently.
There is someone at my job that wears it as a perfume or something and they don't even have to be there. If I just pass a lingering molecule in the hallway I start gagging.
So try sandalwood oil or something else besides patchouli or I will never visit England ever! Or certainly not your apartment, CA.
Set up a recorder to catch Julian on tape!
Hi, christopher, too much cheese at bedtime was it? ha ha i don't think you need to worry about simon cowell, if Julians got that much talent, he and us will put up with anything and anybody, I mean look at Susan Boyle! Oops! sorry! suggest to Julian that actually a bit of aromatherapy oil will go down great with his skin, and the smell will be quite acceptable! hee hee
Awesome story! I could not imagine myself seeing a zombie, let alone live with one inside my house.
Wow. I loved this....he will win the contest, I'm sure. And the resulting fame and fortune will keep you amply stocked with cat food for years to come. Really great writing.....
I had to dance on your hub buttons I liked this one so much!
Zombies are as terrifying as old cemeteries and ancient musical instruments are sometimes beautiful!
I think you might have inspired me to tell my equally frightening horror stories. . . .about the times I've had to (with help, obviously) move pianos.
Well now, this is an original story! A cat food eating zombie that plays the classics. And he's polite to boot. What does the cat say about sharing his dinner?
Yes, but you wouldn't want to risk hampering his talent, which drying out might cause. It's a dilemma, I'm guessing. Perhaps you could rig it up to "play-sync" the performance - with him actually playing and you on stage at the piano? If the act won the contest, then you could disclose the truth?
Ah - so that is it. I can imagine the stories he could tell about the young Victoria, if professional ethics didn't keep his father's lips sealed But so many royal servants blab.
Ah, yes, the furniture polish would have a dual purpose, although one might hope that the more abundant exposure to the fresh air might eventually mtigate the residual odor, especially with everything pretty much biodegraded which could be.
On the other hand, I recall when electricity went out at the ranch when we were away and a freezer thawed with meat in it -- only to be discovered after a period of time. I cleaned and scrubbed - aired in the bright West Texas sunshine, scrubbed and bleached and still there was a lingering odor, though I finally concluded it was retained in the insulation in the the lid of the box. So if there is any Justin tissue remaining, it is likely to hold the odor. There must be something keeping his spirit attached to the skeleton, huh? Some bit of brain and/or heart?
Hugs to - er - I think - Julian. On second thought - just a high-five.
How lucky you are, christopher, to have such a talented boarder. Surely fate had a hand, skeletal though it may have been, in bringing you and Julian together.
I loved every word of this tantalizing short story.
haha - My experience with pianos - and I have two - is that if there are any stairs involved in moving one, the charges are all the more - "per stair".
But I have no experiences to compare with your necro-roommate arrangement. What a relief that Julian had no dietary designs on your tabby! That was a scary moment!
I"m impressed that you were able to record his rendition of Chopin's lovely nocturne. Had he not started the Turkish Rondo, perhaps the neighbors would simply have been lulled into deeper sleep by the nocturne. (I tried hard to learn to play that Rondo. Almost got it a time or two but my fingers got tangled. In one scene of the BBC's "Pride and Prejudice", one character sits down at the pianoforte and hammers out a fantastic rendition of it. For me, the same limitations prevail for playing that or any of Chopin's Polonnaises, though perhaps easier than the Rondo. In either case, though, beastly things to play with limited talent. I did/do better at Moonlight Sonata, if I do say so myself. )
May I recommend lanolin instead of furniture polish for the flaky epidermis - - or is that a beauty secret known only to corpses? Up till the time of passing, pure lanolin is very helpful/
His manners would almost suggest he came from an earlier era than he claimed, with that old-fashioned bow and all. Perhaps timelessness in the grave distorted his memory?
This is altogether too much fun! Thanks, Christopher! I love it. Give my regards to Julian. Nice of you both to keep me entertained so well!
oops - a duplicate post. . . sorry 'bout that.


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- 注文の多い料理店 月猫軒(牡蠣レストラン)(2009.03.17)
- strange cat!!!!(2009.02.22)
- 一緒に出かける?(2009.01.19)
- 真剣な顔(2009.01.17)
- ヒカリモノ(2009.01.16)
- 友達の猫に遊んでもらいに(2009.05.05)
- 一緒に出かける?(2009.01.19)
- 真剣な顔(2009.01.17)
- ヒカリモノ(2009.01.16)
- 猫通信(2009.01.14)
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text:
Im finding it difficult to remember that its still only February; so much has happend since New Years I feel like I havn't touched ground since I started running full pelt on the 2nd of January. The last week has been- if possible- the busiest days of the whole year. (Considering the year has included planning a month long trip accross the pond in two days you can appreciate how busy I've been this week)
Today however three huge tasks have been finished, which is to say we have taken the first step in a 3000 mile journey. I want to shout to everyone I know about it and about how excited Matt, the girls and I are however...
I'm so deeply aware that our joy is going to worry several people dear and close to us. Additionally a journey of 3000 miles is not walked in day; the thought of all our friends asking frequently how things are going/how long/etc makes me refrain in case I become like the pregnant woman who is overdue and fed up with the 'You still with us then?' quiries. Watch this space, I will let you know when we are showing signs.
So today after an insane amount of teaching, doing, planning, writing, talking, calling and cleaning I've finally gotten time to sit down with my sketch book and do something just for me.


text:
- davidgoebelstateAsked on January 24, 2013 at 12:47 PM
I have a form that has multiple hidden form collapse areas that open based upon what option the user selects. However, some of the fields have similar items that I would like to combine when creating a visual report.
For example:
open http://jotform.us/form/23464745102146
select Appliance Hardware from the Issue field
select LC from the GSA Model field
scroll down and you will see 7007 Items
scroll back up and select Mini from the GSA Model field
scroll down and you will see another 7007 Items field which has some of the same options as those found under the LC model
What I would like to do is to combine these similar fields into a single column for reporting purposes. Currently, they are seperate entries. Is there a way to do this? If not by the visual report tool, is there a way to somehow do this via Excell or maybe Google Spreadsheet (CSV)?Page URL:
- JotForm SupportidarktechAnswered on January 24, 2013 at 01:26 PM
Sorry but it's not yet possible with JotForm's Visual Report Builder. We'll see if we can find a way to make this on excel, we'll get back to you once we found a way for this.
I have also created a request ticket about this so our development would be aware of this function as it seems to be useful.
- davidgoebelstateAnswered on January 24, 2013 at 01:28 PM
That would be great, thanks. If possible, Google spreadsheet would be preferred over Excell.
Thanks again!
- JotForm SupportidarktechAnswered on January 25, 2013 at 09:00 PM
Sorry for the delay. I have tried digging around and I can't seem to find any possible workaround. I'll ask around from my colleagues, hopefully they can help.
My apologies for the inconveniences.
- davidgoebelstateAnswered on January 28, 2013 at 10:50 AM
No problem. Hopefully you can find a solution. Thanks for the help.


text:
COLUMBIA, Pa. (WHTM) – West Hempfield Township police are offering a $1,000 reward for information on a bank robbery.
It happened at the Union Community Bank on South 18th Street in Columbia just before 1 p.m. Tuesday.
Police said a man 25-30 years old with a medium build, light complexion, and scratches on his face demanded money from a teller.
Police said the man was wearing a black and white hat with the letters "EB" on it, a black long sleeve shirt, jeans, sneakers, and sunglasses.
Investigators said he ran off from the bank and they are not sure how much money he took.
Police said he never showed a weapon and no one was hurt.
Police said he never showed a weapon and no one was hurt.
Anyone with information is asked to call police at 717-285-5191.