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PRESS RELEASE: The latest version of SAS® Customer Intelligence will help businesses connect data, analytics, and data visualization to become more digitally adept. The new solution brings together digital data from more sources faster than ever before. Quick and easy access to all digital data – social, mobile or e-commerce – leads to quicker decisions for customer engagement and digital operations. SAS Customer Intelligence provides marketers with answers in minutes or seconds and displays reports with graphical clarity using visual analytics reporting capabilities.
"For many companies, being a digital business means bolting on yet another digital touch point such as a mobile app or social channel," said Wilson Raj, Global Director of Customer Intelligence at SAS. "But a true digital business strives to connect data, analytics, customer experience and operations as a single business capability. With our latest solution companies can analyze data faster, for quicker customer engagement and marketing operations decisions. And get instant access to custom reports with powerful data visualization analytics to not only deepen consumer understanding but also track and demonstrate the business value of all marketing activities."
"The newly announced SAS Customer Intelligence helps businesses bring together data from more sources at faster speeds, allowing for accelerated and more strategic decision making," said Mira Perry, Manager of the Enterprise Applications Research at IDC. "By understanding the customer through multiple touch points, the creation and targeting of digital content becomes faster and more strategic. During and after campaign execution, visual analytics capabilities can make it easier for marketing professionals to analyze and refine campaign performance. These are critical capabilities
for today's marketing organizations seeking a competitive edge."
Enhancements to the SAS Customer Intelligence suite include:
- Enhanced visualization of marketing actions: Marketers can easily create, view and organize reports on campaign performance using the new Reports Workspace. Intuitive analytics and interactive data visualizations allow marketers to consider more scenarios, thus improving quality of decisions and marketing actions. Besides providing faster answers, it strengthens collaboration and accountability in the marketing department.
- Enriched customer data: Users can now further enrich customer profiles with social IDs. Where relevant APIs allow the extraction of that data, marketers can either match customers across various digital devices and channels or link customer logins, emails, accounts, and other unstructured data to a social ID. Marketers can use this deeper customer knowledge in ongoing analysis or incorporate into business rules to enhance customer experience.
- Expanded data sources: Enhancements allow marketers to analyze more e-commerce data items, such as payment type, shipping cost, tax, shipping and billing address and customer comments. Marketers can better serve their customers, for example, if they understand the relationship between out-of-stock messages, back orders or shipping cost on shopping cart abandonment.
- More contextualized multichannel interactions: By specifying how campaigns or interactions are sequentially delivered through other interactive channels (web sites and call centers), marketers can dramatically improve customer experience – delivering more individualized offers, information and interactions. Marketers can deliver contextualized content via multiple interactive channels, based on a single customer action or decision, e.g. when a customer contacts a call center for a service upgrade. In addition to guiding the agent to the next best action (such as a discount offer) during the call, analytics can also determine the best follow-up – say, a thank-you note displayed on the company's landing page the next time that customer visits.
"Digital has become so interwoven in everything we do, that it no longer makes sense to think of digital marketing as a stand-alone discipline," said Scott Brinker, author and editor of the Chief Marketing Technologist Blog "This fabric of data, analytics, and agile operations is now the tapestry into which modern marketing is woven. It is the conduit through which customer experiences are delivered and the voice of the customer is heard."
Today's announcement was made at SAS Global Forum, the world's largest gathering of SAS users, attended by more than 4,500 business and IT users of SAS software and solutions. Select sessions and keynotes from the user conference will be live streamed.
About SAS
SAS is the leader in business analytics software and services, and the largest independent vendor in the business intelligence market. Through innovative solutions, SAS helps customers at more than 70,000 sites improve performance and deliver value by making better decisions faster. Since 1976 SAS has been giving customers around the world THE POWER TO KNOW®


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Atmosphere Light
Most people see their home as a place to kick back and relax after a strenuous days work, whilst others use it as a place to socialise by throwing house parties, dinner parties, or by using it as a place to invite your family and friends over and have a quiet drink.
Whatever the occasion, you will need to set the mood for the evening – and there is no better alternative than the use of Coolioos Atmosphere Lights.
Coolioos Atmosphere Lights are becoming an increasingly popular lighting solution for households, offices, restaurants, bars and more, and there's no wonder why: it highlights and enhances a particular space with a dramatic effect, as well as allowing you to create multiple moods anywhere during set times of the day.Main features of Coolioos Atmosphere Light
- Using optical transmission acrylic, which has the crystal-like transparency
- Excellent weather resistance, high surface hardness and brighter finish
- The transparency of this acrylic light is as good as glass, and the material is not so fragile as the glass
- High abrasion resistance that is close to Aluminum; good stability, resistant to a variety of chemical corrosion
- Applied touch sensor, touch to process stepless dimming function
- Powered by 3 AAA batteries ( not included ) or through USB wire
- Vision Effect: laser sculpting; more than 95% light transmittance,especially in the dark, the vision thrill will be strong
- Multi-purpose: The warm home needs to dress up to make the beloved family have a wonderful home.Soft light, affectionately watching each other to spend a happy night
- In the dark night, accompany the baby every sleep is no longer no sense of security
- At night, electronic products with soft light together for the benefit of sleep quality and visual health
- Quality assurance: Only uses the highest quality material in the construction of our night lights
- Energy saving: Power spend: 0.012kw.h/24 hours,The light with a USB and wooden base.You can turn it on or off just as you like.
- Create a warm glow that won't overheat,it will look great in any room
- Perfect Gift: A fantastically unique item for home bedroom, child room, living room, bar, shop, cafe, office, restaurant and more as decorative light
- Postage: Free Shipping
- Wholesale: Yes. Please send Us an email to firstname.lastname@example.com
Here are 7 more great reasons to buy from us:
- You get a full 365 days to return your item to us. If it doesn't fit, it breaks, you've changed your mind or for no reason whatsoever simply send it back to us and we'll cheerfully refund you every cent.
- Free Standard Shipping for any product on Coolioos. Will usually ship within 1 business day. Please allow 12-52 days for your order to arrive. We source products from all over the world to bring you epic offers and the lowest prices. This means sometimes you have to wait a little longer to get your order but it's always worth it!
- We insist that you love everything you buy from us. If you're unhappy for any reason whatsoever, just let us know and we'll bend over backwards to make things right again.
- Ordering from Coolioos is 100% safe and secure so you can rest easy. Your personal details are never shared, sold or rented to anyone either.
- You in the loop for the most Unique & Trendy products in the market. Please remember to subscribe to our Monthly Newsletter.
- Returns are easy, simply contact us for a returns number and send your item to our returns centre for fast processing. We'll get you a replacement or refund in a snap!
- Got a Question? Call or Send Us What'sApp Message.

subset: commoncrawl


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Snap: Find Morgan
This is what's arriving with pizza orders these days as Charlottesville businesses do what they can to find Morgan Dana Harrington, the 20-year-old who disappeared from the October 17 Metallica concert. The latest on the search.
More Snaps
7 comments
Not only pizza boxes--these posters are everywhere you look.
I am just wondering, it seems that they are highly focused on the area where she disappeared...do they think she is still in the area? I know no leaf can go unturned but maybe the LE know more??? If she were to run away or if she was abducted...wouldn't she be far away as possible?? I am in indiana and I have been following since it made news but would like to see more coverage nationally! Prayers to the Harrington family and hope she is found alive and well... soon!
My dear freind drove me to Charlottesville, Va. to put my gift/ability to consult on the Morgan Harrington disappearance. I am a working psychic for 35+ yrs. who worked on other cases. My input was positive to find the lost and a crime victim. I met briefly Dr. Harrington, who looked ashen and ill, like a feather could blow him away. I am concerned he might have a stroke from the stress. Who would believe his beautiful daughter would go missing from a concert outing? In such a nice city such things are shocking. Lost is the feeling of safety for all.
There are thousans missing in the US who never surface again. They don't have the resources or community power to organize 1,660 volunteers to search. Remember them, and be aware of your surrounding.
The hope is this family will have their beloved daughter returned to them. God bles all who gave time for Morgan. She is everybodys' daughter. May God grant serenity to her family.
My 4 pages of notes given to Laura Recovery rep to be reviewed by police/family. It remains to be seen what is validated. I will be available to assist on this case until Morgan is found.
My husband was on the search team yesterday that was below the bridge where she was last seen. They were told it had been searched twice before, but was so dense with brambles that it was not adequately covered. They continued the search all along the railroad tracks in that area and every inch was searched. At one point he popped his head up at the bridge, around 1pm, and there were the Harringtons with 5 friends laying a wreath on the bridge.
please change rule about letting people back into jpj!!!!!!!!
I was on the search team Saturday morning. My mind was into the search but my heart was with Morgan's Mother & Father. I helped search an area to which I felt was a waste of my time, I wanted to be searching closer where she was last seen but I understand why we were there. I PRAY and HOPE that wherever she is that she will be returned or found safely.If the PERSON or PERSON'S who know something read this,PLEASE understand what HER PARENTS ARE GOING THROUGH AND HAVE A HEART.
While all the concerntration is focased on this one case,,please America dont forget about the rest of the victims out there that are missing and have been missing alot longer than Morgan Harrington and have families out there desperate for news of their disapearence and where abouts.Alot of these missing persons are small vunerable tiny children that dident have a choice in their destiny unlike Morgan who is an adult and capable of making decisions and choices which she decided to make that night that has now resulted in her now becoming a missing persons statistic..
If you are alive Morgan which i pray you are and that you just decided to leave on your on accord...Then please think of the people you love most in this world and make contact with them because your family are going through hell and back and they do not deserve to be suffering in silence.
If you are alive and not restrained then for gods sake pick up a phone and call them.They will not be angry but relieved because they love you with all their heart and soul and what they want more than anything in the world right now is confirmation their beautiful baby girl is alive and well.All you have to do is call them,thats it,no pressure to come back just a phone.
No bodys going to be angry with you,,nobody..we all know what its like to be young and do things in the heat of the moment.I ran away three times at fifteen and looking back i cant believe what i put my family through but at the time i had my reasons just like you have if this turns out to be the case which i pray it is.


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A church group still hopes to be able to set up shop in the historic Portage Theater on the Northwest Side despite city attempts to landmark the property and opposition to the plan by aldermen, a lawyer for the religious organization said Friday.
Testifying at a meeting of the city's Zoning Board of Appeals, attorney James Banks said leaders at the Chicago Tabernacle church think the city's preliminary landmark status for the property on Milwaukee Avenue just north of the Six Corners shopping district won't prevent them from moving in.
Ald. John Arena, 45th, opposes the church's plan to buy the theater and argued that landmarking the Portage Theater property would make it unusable for Chicago Tabernacle. If the Commission on Chicago Landmarks finalizes landmark status for the 92-year-old movie house, the designation would make it more difficult for the church to make changes to the building.
Banks responded that he "would disagree respectfully with the alderman that it would make the building unusable, because very possibly it is still usable by the church, even being landmarked."
The zoning appeals board deferred ruling on whether to give Chicago Tabernacle a special use to operate as a house of worship at the site.
Officials from the church, which currently resides in Albany Park, could not be reached for comment.
Several dozen people attended the hearing to voice support for the building remaining a theater. Brian Lambrecht of Addison said the silent movies and other special feature films shown at the Portage are one of the few things that bring him into Chicago, where he then shops at stores at Six Corners.
Lambrecht, wearing a hat he bought at a Six Corners shop, said he proposed to his wife on stage at the Portage during the silent film festival, after conspiring with one of the theater's operators to project his proposal on the big screen a la the dialogue in a silent movie. "You can't do that at the Imax. you can't do that at a Marcus Theatre," Lambrecht said. "That was a great special moment for me and a lot of people in my life."
Arena said Chicago Tabernacle's relocation could have a chilling affect on attempts to revitalize Six Corners because restaurants would have a hard time getting liquor licenses in the vicinity of a church. The theater operators have put together a bid to buy the property that matches the church bid, Arena said.
Ald. Tim Cullerton, 38th, also attended the hearing, and said there are other properties in the neighborhood that would be better suited for the church.
Also Friday, the Zoning Board of Appeals recommended approval of a plan by the Windy City Rollers women's roller derby league to build a practice track in a building in Pilsen.


text: Designed by LZ NAM...a black aluminum bracelet to symbolize the "Wall". Brothers Forever recessed in the bracelet in red for our blood that we spilled in that far away place known simply as NAM. The Vietnam Service Ribbon (the most recognized service ribbon in USA history) recessed in full color rests between Brothers and Forever. The POW/MIA symbol is in white and located in two places...on each end of the bracelet which represent the East and West walls of the Vietnam War Memorial. LZ NAM is proud to offer this "new and improved" truly magnificent piece that pays tribute to our fallen and surviving members of the Vietnam War...with each order, LZ NAM will include the above mentioned description. Brothers Forever Vietnam Veteran bracelet is copyright protected.***The "new" design was put back up on June 3rd, 2008 and in a 72 hour period ending June 6, 2008 a record 415 bracelets were sold! LZ NAM thanks all that have purchased this unique bracelet.***


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Valentine's Day is less than a month a way and that means it's time for a little hearts and flowers. Don't worry if you aren't into Valentines, all we are asking this challenge is that you use either hearts or flowers in your project. Whether your project has to do with Valentine's Day at all is up to you. (courtesy of Just Crafty Enough)
I struggled with this one. I wanted to do something cool, but hearts and flowers in my mind aren't that cool. What to do?
The best thing to do I found was to round up a bunch of supplies that really have nothing to do with hearts or flowers and see where they take me.
Mod podge is a great ingredient to get me thinking about something new.
I decided to mix the mod podge with the popcorn and then the rice and make these two hearts
Then I glued lace all around the two hearts and put them together at the centre of the neck cuff.
Ta Da!
A Gothic Looking Valentine's Day Neck Cuff.
Kind of Twilight of me isn't it?
And in case you thought that I forgot the flower part of the challenge, I added white rose button as the closure to the neck cuff.
Ooooh... sorta cool. Maybe?
Taking a picture of my neck is a strange thing to try. But the neck cuff looks pretty awesome on me. I might even be convinced to wear it on Valentine's Day. What do you think?
If you want to see all the other Hearts and Flowers Iron Craft projects, check out this Flickr Group.
I'm sharing this Valentine's project with:
Hooo's Got Talent? - Night Owl Crafting
Lil' Luna Link Party 62 - Lil' Luna


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HOUSTON (AP) - Houston Astros owner Jim Crane hopes Comcast SportsNet Houston will agree to pay his team what he calls a fair amount for its media rights, and they can boost carriage after a season where only 40 percent of the city could view the games.
HOUSTON (AP) � Houston Astros owner Jim Crane hopes Comcast SportsNet Houston will agree to pay his team what he calls a fair amount for its media rights, and they can boost carriage after a season where only 40 percent of the city could view the games.
But for now the situation has gotten uglier. The network recently filed bankruptcy, followed by the Astros filing a motion to dismiss that case. The Astros say the network filed the motion to gain leverage over the team in the dispute.
"These TV deals are really the backbone of all these teams right now," Crane said in an interview with The Associated Press. "It's not like we're trying to get something any different than anybody. We want the fans to see the games, but we're not going to cut a long-term 20-year bad deal. It will handicap us for that period of time."
The media rights deals help teams bankroll the player's salaries, which is an interesting subject with the Astros. They had the lowest payroll in the majors last season at under $30 million as they finished with more than 100 losses for the third straight year.
The Astros have invested heavily to improve their farm system since Crane bought the team, but skimped on the big league squad as they traded away almost all the veterans and went into full rebuilding mode. He vowed this week that next season will be different.
"We've restocked the team," he said. "We feel we've got a nucleus of players that we know can play now. This year will be the year we'll start spending money."
He said that they team only received about 30 percent of its TV rights fees this season because of the dispute. But added that he will spend money on the team in the upcoming season no matter what
"We're still going to stick with our plan regardless of how this turns out, even if it's at a deficit to some degree," he said. "And go ahead and start filling in the holes ... the payroll will move up significantly this year."
The network also broadcasts Houston Rockets games. Their first regular-season game is Oct. 30, which the Astros hope will help in the negotiations.
The hearing on the Astros' motion to dismiss the bankruptcy case will be heard on Oct. 28. Giles Kibbe, the team's general counsel, said that if the bankruptcy petition is thrown out the Astros would be able to terminate the media rights agreement with CSN Houston and license them to anyone else. If that happens, he expects that Astros and Rockets would search for another deal together.
Crane bought the team when the partnership with CSN was already in place. He lamented that the majority of viewers in the Houston area were unable to watch his team this season.
"It's devastating for the brand and the team," he said. "This is a team that's got a lot of history and a lot of loyal fans and we've got to get the games on TV. It's been a very tough year, not only on the field but having this situation develop."
He added that they would explore the possibility of streaming the games on the internet if a deal can't be reached by the start of next season.
Crane wouldn't say the exact number he is looking for, but pointed to the Texas Rangers as an example of the kind of deal he would be happy with. The Rangers have a television rights deal that is worth about $3 billion over 20 years. If the Astros and CSN had agreed to a deal, Crane indicated that the majority of that money would have been used for players' salaries.
Crane said when a deal is struck he expects spend as much as the Rangers do on payroll. That's a significant statement considering their payroll was more than $115 million this season.
Houston lost its final 15 games to end with a franchise-worst 111 losses in 2013. Crane expects the Astros to be considerably better next season and reiterated the importance of reaching a media rights deal to the team's future success.
"I think we've hit bottom and I think you'll see us make some adjustments on the field," he said. "Bottom line, we just have to hang in there and cut the best possible deal we can for the long term good of the franchise, which equates to the product we can put on the field, which equates to winning ball games and satisfying our fans and getting the place filled up again."


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Gov.-elect Maggie Hassan was right on the mark Monday when she told state agency heads their spending requests for the next two-year budget cycle were unrealistic.
"The requests total far more than our economy and taxpayers can afford," Hassan said as three days of budget hearings got under way.
Collectively, department budget crunchers are asking for 26 percent more spending for the state-funded portion of the budget, which excludes pass-through dollars from the federal government. Included in those spending requests is one from the University System of New Hampshire of an additional $100 million, which would restore funding cut by the outgoing GOP-led legislature.
Despite her tight-fisted comments, the editorial board here at Foster's Daily Democrat is of the belief Hassan will live up to the deal she struck with the University System board of trustees during her campaign. Readers will remember that then-candidate Hassan offered UNH President Mark Huddleston this: Freeze tuition for two years and get funding restored. It was a deal quickly accepted by USNH trustees back then, and offered again Monday as USNH spokesmen sought to call in that marker.
"With full funding, we will freeze tuition, nearly double financial aid and continue to develop partnerships with employers and the community college system to implement innovative paths to degree completion," said USNH Board of Trustees Vice-Chair Pamela Diamantis on Monday.
While Hassan has not publicly indicated where she stands on fulfilling her end of the deal, USNH officials gave the incoming governor plenty of ammunition to justify exempting the system from her budget warning.
According to testimony by Chancellor Edward MacKay, the Granite state must confront the loss of its high school graduates to other out-of-state schools, a problem for businesses and a hindrance to growing the state's economy.
He continued: "Together, the institutions that comprise the university system annually contribute $2.2 billion to the state's economy in work force development, employment and direct expenditures. The nature of that investment is becoming ever more crucial. The New Hampshire work force is changing. Our highly educated workers are aging and fewer are arriving from out-of-state. ... we must grow our own."
Huddleston reportedly added that partnerships with businesses in the state have led to a 10 percent increase in corporate-sponsored research awards, with $159 million in external research grants going to UNH alone in this fiscal year.
"New Hampshire cannot cede its place in the innovation and technology marketplace to Massachusetts. We must invest in our future by funding higher education and supporting our research university," Huddleston said.
Making Hassan's deal even more defensible is a Granite State poll, which Plymouth State President Sara Jayne Steen said showed 71 percent support for restoring the funding.
Also giving USNH a fighting chance of getting full funding is the Democrats stated intention during the election season to raise the cigarette tax that was lowered under by the Republican-led legislature. According to estimates offered during editorial boards, that tally could nearly cover the $100 million request.
Finally, as best we can tell, this is the only such quid pro quo deal Hassan made during the campaign. And with the likelihood the incoming legislature will repeal the costly cut made previously in the cigarette tax, a sizable portion of the USNH funding request could be available when the new budget cycle kicks in for 2014-15.
Hassan and quid pro quo
Gov.-elect Maggie Hassan was right on the mark Monday when she told state agency heads their spending requests for the next two-year budget cycle were unrealistic.


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These are the anniversaries of Uncyclopedia. Please remember that any anniversary here most likely does not exist and that any event here most likely has not happened. January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December
Please browse to find an anniversary, then give it a damn good editing.
Editing Guidelines
October 1: Winter Paradox (Eastern Hemisphere), Contagious Disease Appreciation Day
- 1/0 AD - I was born... My name is "undefined"
- 331 BC - Alexander the Great defeats Darius III of Persia in the Battle of the Bands.
- 1987 - Malaysia :the smartest guy born in Sibu.
- 1890 - 'Yosemite Sam' National Park established.
- 1919 - Woodrow Wilson falls down the White House stairs and is the first President to lose use of his left big toe.
- 1928 - The Soviet Union introduces its first Five-Year Plan, which is to come up with another five year plan in five years.
- 1930 - "October 1 day" celebrated in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 1960 - Nigeria gains independence from the United Kingdom. This event is celebrated by a solemn ten seconds of not sending spam emails.
- 1962 - Riots in Mississippi as Alabama wins the "America's most racist state" award. Alabama's victory brought to an end Mississippi's 30-year winning streak.[1]
- 1963 - Intelligent design is no longer taught in schools after the California State Board of Education is created.
- 1964 - The Free Speech Movement is launched on the campus of University of California, Berkeley. Previously students had been charged up to a nickle per syllable for each word uttered.
- 1971 - Orlando, Florida founded after settlers discover Walt Disney World.
- 1975 - Muhammed Ali declared the eventual winner against Joe Frazier in a fight dubbed the "Battle in Guadacanal".
- 1979 - The Hunt For Red October officially began. It was supposed to start on September 28th, but they waited a couple of days to save them changing the name.
- 1998 - Raccoon City is destroyed by three cruise missiles and repeated aerial bombardment in an attempt to contain a T-Virus outbreak
- 2003 - Bournemouth recognised as a city by the British government, entire world shocked.
- 2004 - In a desperate bid to diversify its business Microsoft engineers and a team from Wigan University, England invent the pineapple chunk.
- 2005 - Official Reminder: September has now ended. Now is an appropriate time to wake up Billie Joe from Green Day.
- 2007 - 12 men celebrate Man Flu by going on an all night bender, only 5 survive, a doctor prescribes reruns of Match Of The Day and plenty of Nuts magazines.a.j hastings willingly raped by 24 men
- 2007 - Punch me in the Nuts Barney is launched and instantly becomes a sell-out.
- 2009 - Swine Flu kills everybody but the Republican leaders. They die soon afterward due to the fact they never learned how to feed themselves.
- 1973 - Richard nixon crowned worlds sexiest man; Rioting ensues.
- 1835 - The Texas Revolution begins where the Mexican soldiers attempt to disarm the people of Gonzales, Texas to stop them reaching orgasm, but encounter stiff resistance from a hastily assembled pornography stockpile.
- 1870 - The Great Tomato War begins
- 1876 - Six women are killed in test of first steam-powered vibrator. It's inventor, Havelock Schtumpf, is never seen again.
- 1889 - In Colorado, Nicholas Creede strikes it rich during the last great orgasm boom of the American old west.
- 1919 - US President Woodrow Wilson reaches orgasm and suffers a massive stroke, leaving him partially paralyzed.
- 1924 - The Geneva Protocol is adopted as a means to strengthen the length of male orgasm.
- 1949 - 500,000 male steel workers win improved retirement benefits, orgasms.
- 1956 - The beginning of the great orgasm shortage.
- 1966 - The orgasm shortage ends, around 2 billion people all orgasm at the same time, vibrating the earth closer to the sun by around 500 miles. Scientists predict a slow and steady increase in global temperature.
- 1985 - I invent the orgasm. Repeatedly. With your mom.
- 1986 - Your Mum jokes get old. Again.
- 1995 - Someone in Paris orgasms. Rioting ensues.
- 1996 - Furbies debut, eating the souls of the overpriveledged.
- 2013 - Chuck Norris orgasms, man is wiped out.
- 1995 - The name Pearson Declared manliest name in the known universe
October 3: National Day of Retrofitting Your Hamster with a Metal Ass (Japan)
- -1195 AD - The King of Persia launches a surprise attack on Rome with their new and improved rugs. Cesar Chavez's army crushes the attacks with a combined Pirate and Ninja fleet.
- 1024 - Viagra cookies are invented by Superman and Elton John.
- 1422 - First recorded use of the word 'come' to mean orgasm.
- 1423 - First recorded joke of a man making a pun on the word 'come'.
- 1645 - Roman blacksmith is first to create cast iron ass for his five year old son's pet hamster.
- 1915 - Steel prices skyrocket due to the large number of pet hamsters owned in Japan.
- 1928 - Shiny chromed hamster asses are all the rage this year.
- 1929 - Hamster asses can now be programmed to "Jitterbug".
- 1952 - Due to shortages of metal after World War II, hamsters are forced to wear discarded cutlery.
- 1978 - Aluminuim asses are proved to give greater power to weight ratio for the hamster.
- 1982 - Discovered that uranium hamster ass was "probably not a very good idea".
- 1983 - Giant, rabid, razor-toothed uranium-assed hamsters install metal asses to the entire human population of Tokyo.
- 1988 - Geroge H.W. Bush is voted in as the first President to ever have a pet hamster with a metal ass.
- 1990 - David Hasselhoff reunited Germany by pissing on the Berlin Wall
- 1995 - OJ Simspon did it
- 2004 - PETA activists blockade McDonalds fast-food outlets to protest against the cruel, barbaric process of retrofitting hamsters with metal asses.
- 2015 - Apple creates the iLife, therefore having a lifespan of 6 months before something newer and better than you is released.
- 2017 - Newly Elected Hamster Commander-in-Chief 'Fuzzy' proclaims "all hamsters with metal asses to be 'out' and all hamsters with funny fruit hats to be 'in.'"
- 2020 - Osama Bin Laden comes back as a metal-assed zombie and is arrested by PETA police for hurting a hamster in deep Afghanistan
October 4: International Holiday In Space Day, National Day of No National Holidays (Botswana), International Zombie appreciation day
- 9000 BC - Crisis on Negative Earth 3!
- 13 - Jesus had his first wank.
- 21 - Jesus got his first mortgage.
- 1582- Gregorian Calendar is implemented, skipping straight from October 4 to October 15. This new calendar replaced the Julian Calendar, and was the final straw in a massive flame war between Julius Caesar and Pope Gregory the Great.
- 1957 - Freak traffic accident results in the launching of a motor home into space. Intergalactic cops quickly come by to ask them to keep the party noises down.
- 1980 - The 80s are back!
- 1989 - The 70s are back! \m/ - Also, Drugs-Are-Legal Day!!!
- 2004 - The First Post-It Is posted in the Post it note war.
- 2005 - Steve Ballmer claims yet another victim.
- 2006 - Colorado and Wyoming change shared border.
- 2006 - Mother Nature sinks Louisiana, New York, most of Florida and some of North Calorina
- 2006 - Texas splits into 3 pieces - Box, New Texas and Dubyaland
- 2006 - Iraq becomes New Louisiana. Nike Revolution of 2006 ends.
- 2006 - Cold War Ind. is created, becoming the first business to consist entirley of nothing, except a logo and a team of 2 young, handsome boys. Homosexuality in businesses still frowned upon.
- 2010 - Astronauts celebrate Fourth of July with salvo of fireworks, which explode in the atmosphere. Toxic dust kills millions in China.
- 2064 - The space cow is discovered. The first space cheese is made within four days.
- 2065 - NATO is recognized as the west compensating for something'
- 3000 - Duke nukem forever is released
- 3001 - Halo movie is released
October 5: National Telegraph Appreciation Day, brought to you by TT&A, your local telegraph provider
- 1337 BC - The telegraph is invented by Greek inventor Teleos Graphodopoulos.
- 337 BC - Alexander the Great celebrates 1,000th anniversary of telegraphy by having world's first telegraph sex with his lover, George Michael; boasts of his "long dash."
- 663 - Meheomod, a.k.a. Mohammed, telegraphs his intentions to destroy all Christian infidels. Celebrations of telegraph's 2,000th anniversary are cancelled.
- 1371 - Blinding snowstorm snarls traffic, downs telegraph lines in Ming Dynasty's first test of emergency preparedness.
- 1921 - The World Series was broadcast on the radio for the first time. Telegraph announcer at the World Series loses all fingers trying to keep up. He sues all radio owners making them give him their fingers; He now has over a million fingers on each hand.
- 1926 - The first error 404 appeared in a telegraph (in this thing called the "internet")
- 1931 - Before crashing in France, the British airship R101 sends an urgent SOS telegram, until they realize there's nothing connected onto the other end of it.
- 2001 - Telegraph service finally arrives in Kentucksylvania.
- 2006 - Google and SUN Microsystems release their thin-client telegraph server, codenamed GTelegraph, to combat Microsoft.
- 2006 - Western Union cancels telegraphic service, saying "We're gonna try out this new telly-phone deal the kids are so fond of."
- 2008 - George Michael confessess his love of crack and Tom Cruise markets his new video game.
- 2009 - Peru runs out of biscuits due to a telegraphic error in the shipping quote.
October 6 : Anniversary of the Invention of Fire, World's Most Dangerous Day To Be Flammable
- 4,327,340 B.C. - Fire is invented. Matches, which had been in use for years beforehand, now finally have a use.
- 4,327,339 B.C. - The competition to create the biggest bang results in the accidental creation of aerosols.
- 105 B.C. - The Greeks invent a fire which doesn't go out when in contact with water. They call it "Greek Fire".
- 103 B.C. - A hasty rebranding of "Greek Fire" goes wrong, and the newly renamed "AlphaFire+" is scrapped. Nobody bothers to write down the formula.
- 1081 - King Wilhelm IV of North West Prussia dies. The North West Prussia Gazette finally has front page news that doesn't involve the word "sauerkraut".
- 1611 - Several people are executed for "petty theft" in Hungary, much to the amusement of the Austrians, who framed them.
- 1612 - Hungary goes to war with Austria.
- 1613 - Several Austrians are extradited to Hungary, where they are executed for "obstructing the cause of justice". Hungary withdraws from Austria, after 40 million people have died.
- 1846 - Mr. Georges "Bang-Bang" Firework, of Sparkler Street, Catherine Wheel, New Jersey, finally invents the trampoline.
- 1859 - Mr. Henry "Boing-Boing" Jumper, of Trampoline Terrace, Bouncy, Ohio, finally invents the firework. Various historians later switch the facts to amuse themselves.
- 1910 - People realise fireworks are better at night.
- 1913 - Parties are held throughout London, celebrating the fact that they have just signed a peace treaty with Germany.
- 1936 - An Austrian physicist discovers the long lost formula for "AlphaFire+". Unfortunately, his lab then burnt down.
- 1957 - Historians jump with joy as they discover what Edward Crapper invented.
- 1995 - Several Hungarians nick a firecracker from an Austrian shop, and then proceed to blame some Austrians.
- 1996 - The Hungarians are burnt at the stake, ironically using their own firecracker.
- 2002 - The official date of the discovery of fire is discovered by historians. They attribute the discovery to Mr. Alfred "Burn-Burn" Hotstuff.
October 7: International ""
- 1512 - Cockfighting is invented by Goorg, a Turkish peasant in Asia Minor. Confusion reigns as roosters square off against genitalia.
- 1590 - Cockistan was created by Sejla. Accepted citizenship ever since. It is right next to Argentina. France destroys countless gypsy settlement camps near Paris. Due to the lack of any International Gypsy Protection Open Organisation, nobody cares.
- 1947 - Engrand is set up, a few years before spell check is invented.
- 1949 - Yet another Pinko Commie country spawns for a few brief years before being tossed back to Germany and laughed at.
- 1959 - Simon Cowell, English recording executive and television judge is born. The doctors who brought him into the world have since been subject to much hatred.
- 1960 - Kennedy & Nixon debate the Cold War and penis length in the second of four scheduled debates.
- 1970 - Richard Nixon announces he has a penis and launches a new five-point peace proposal to end the Vietnam War.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan announces his plans to resolve the energy crisis and hostage situation in the Middle East by "whipping it out". Reagan wins the erection.
- 1997 - The song Detachable Penis becomes a solid gold, rock hard hit (for a few minutes).
- 2001 - U.S. invades Afghanistan with an air assault, to eradicate all small penises.
- 2003 - California governor Gray Davis loses his penis and is replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- 2007 - Actor Daniel Radcliffe, concerning a penis-enhancement e-mail, sues "that guy who keeps offering to make my penis larger" for sexual harassment; "that guy", who turns out to be Jesus, claims to have been trying to work on his miracle-performing skills.
October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 4004 BC - God invents breasts
- 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
- 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
- 5996 BC - Lotion is invented.
- 2600 BC - Mayans invent chocolate
- 2650 BC - Orgasm is invented by The French.
- 2700 BC - Master Bei-Shun spreads the "Art of Masturbation".
- 500 - Germans invent beer
- 1234 - Handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia
- 1921 - Americans invent bacon cheeseburger
- 1949 - Danes create Lego
- 1952 - Deep fried spam invented
- 1958 - Segway invented in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 1959 - Rioting invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love
- 1964 - Hippies sell free love for pot.
- 1979 - Victoria's Secret Catalogue introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie, it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolted. Nobody cared.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
- 2006 - Royal Canadian Air Force invents Air-to-Segway missile.
- 2349 BC The Proto-badger, a distant relative of the weasel, goes extinct when Noah tosses the only surviving pair off the ark for stealing his yams
- 942 Weasel stomping in invented in Anglo-Saxon England.
- 1674 Issac Newton Discovers Weaselpudge, nobody cares
- 1754 It is alleged by some that on this day, Weasel words probably were invented
- 1862 The Cheasel is invented
- 1881 The Japanese Stomping Fish, which has nothing do to with weasels, is discovered
- 1937 The Spleen weasel is discovered in Paris France,
- 1940 John Lennon is born, and promptly marries a weasel.
- 1961 Ferret racing is invented in Australia
- 2007 A woman gives birth to a weasel
October 10: Not-for-turning Day, International Day of No Underwear
- 1582 - Pope Gregory XIII implements the Gregorian calendar. While not wearing any underwear. Pope Gregory announced that turning is immoral.
- 1807 - Canada defeats The Pirate Nation in the Canadian-Pirate War. Canada turns a new leaf even though they're not supposed to turn...
- 1815 - Napoleon I of France begins his exile on St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. He forgets to pack any underwear. When it was his turn to attack, he refused, stating his famous cathphrase, "Turning will give you herpes."
- 1955 - Jimi Hendrix is spawned from Buddy Holly's guitar and a rum-and-coke while illegal turning on the New Jersey Turnpike.
- 1975 - USA leads asearch for a man named "Charlie" in Vietnam.
- 1980 - Margaret Thatcher declares that she is not for turning, despite the best attempts of pro-turning lobbyists.
- 1995 - Underwear outlawed in Paris. Riots ensue. Jim Morrision turns in his grave.
- 2006 - North Korea tests nukes. In response, America builds comsat stations; Iran upgrades zealots; Afghanistan makes turning weapons that have no use.
- 2015 - George Bush dies. He died from a serious case of turning.
- 2015 - Al Gore is arrested for the turning of an undisclosed ex-politician
October 11: Flightless Bird Awareness Day
- 1581 - Dodos enjoyed for first time by Portuguese.
- 1809 - Famed explorer Meriwether Lewis dies of a gunshot wound. Although it is generally believed to be a suicide, others note that suspicious-looking kiwis were seen lurking in the area.
- 1850 - University of Sydney opens, offering degrees in emu ranching and cassowary wrangling.
- 1895 - A staging of Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest is disrupted when an ostrich is accidentally let into the theater. Wilde clubs the bird into submission with his shoe.
- 1923 - Scientists prove there are no penguins at the north pole, wonder why.
- 1942 - Penguin Punting is invented in New Zealand due to war-time rationing of sports equiptment
- 1958 - Penguin (chocolate bar is invented), Kit Kat is infuriated.
- 1975 - Saturday Night Live debuts with an emperor penguin as guest host.
- 1989 - McDonald's introduces the Ostrich McNugget.
- 1998 - The Ostrich McNugget is reported to be a tasty non greasy supplement by Wikipedia, shows what they know...
- 2004 - McDonalds introduces the Emperor Penguin deluxe kids meal, with 98% penguin meat.
- 2012 - Penguin Armies of Doom rise up and overthrow humanity.
October 12: International Day of Using Bible Verses For Any Purpose Whatsoever
- 1322 - As being hauleth up the cliffs of insanity, Vizzini informeth Fezzik "Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Art this not conceivable to thy smallish cranium?"[2]
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus placeth the first "John 3:16" sign in the New World.[3]
- 1695 - Isaac Newton discovereth the Golden Rule.[4]
- 1941 - Winston Churchill falleth asunder, crying "My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me"[5]
- 1958 - Andy Warhol discovereth that a feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry... but money answereth all things.[6]
- 1989 - Actor Patrick Stewart goeth for a walk. And as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.[7]
- 1995 - Bill Clinton declareth on oath that thrice was he beaten with rods, once was he stoned, thrice he suffered shipwreck, and a night and a day he has been in the deep.[8]
- 2003 - Jeb Bush, Governor of Florida, maketh an law that will cut off from the people him that pisseth against a wall.[9]
- 2004 - A court sentenceth Martha Stewart to six months in chains, as well threaten to smite her with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew.[10]
- 2007 - The Angry Video Game Nerd invents the first twenty-syllable expletive.
- 2010 - George W. Bush quotes Ezekiel 25:17 to God before popping a cap in his own ass.[11]
October 13: International Paranoia Day
- 54 - Claudius, Roman Emperor (b. 10 BC) is assassinated by the C.I.A. Historians say this is impossible because the C.I.A. wasn't in existence yet... which is exactly what the C.I.A. would like to have you believe.
- 1792 - Cornerstone laid for the White House. Who lays stones? Masons. What organization did the masons start? Freemasons. Do I need to spell the rest out for you people?
- 1835 - Nothing of historical significance happened on this day in history... or so the Illuminati would have us believe.
- 1937 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky has a bunch of unpainted helicopters sitting around his factory, and gets a deal on 5000 gallons of black paint. The Black Helicopter is invented. You'd have to be pretty naive to think this was just a lucky coincidence.
- 1939 - Nothing happened in Germany! We were all on vacation! ALLE NATIONEN WERDEN SICH VOR DEUTSCHLAND VERBEUGEN!!!
- 1947 - Nothing happens at Roswell (wink wink).
- 1949 - First meeting of the Trilateral Commission... or is it?
- 1955 - The. U.S. Government does not begin top secret operations at Area 51 (wink wink).
- 1968 - NASA works feverishly to build the sets for the 1969 "moon landings".
- 1974 - TV personality Ed Sullivan passes away due to "natural causes". And just like that, the Jews are one step closer to global domination.
- 2000 - Preparations for the 9-11 attacks are begun by agents of the United Nations, the Jews, the CIA, and the Vatican.
- 2012 - Nothing apocalyptic will happen... or will it?
October 14: National Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day
- 1066 - William the Conqueror punches Harold Godwinson in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
- 1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
- 1985 - New York is the first state that allows the state troopers to pull over slow drivers and then smack them 'upside the head'.
- 1992 - Entire Royal Family of Britain smacked 'upside the head'.
- 1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
- 2001 - George Dubya smacked in the head with a whiffleball bat. The attacker is not apprehended, but leaves behind a number of pamphlets about global warming.
- 2002 - Fran Drescher hit in the head with a large halibut. Fortunately, the halibut is unharmed.
- 2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
- 2004 - Subway's Jared Fogle was knocked unconscious when struck in the face with a stale foot-long loaf of Italian Herbs-'n'-Cheese Bread. As a result, Jared endured several painful operations to remove razor-sharp breadcrumbs and flakes of oregano which are lodged deep in his sinuses.
- 2009 - Someone hits an annoying person with a stick 9 times.
October 15: Preggo Appreciation Day
- 25,000 BC - Erotic pregnant images are invented.
- 10,000 BC - Newts evolve the ability to live in human uteruses.
- 1300 - The Navajo invent Antbortion.
- 1682 - The Ovum is first viewed through a microscope.
- 1838 - American Evangelists begin teaching that being born again is necessary for salvation.
- 1885 - Scientists propose an alternate view of pregnancy.
- 1967 - Missouri politician Newtis Newtfield is born.
- 1972 - Abortion is legalized in the USA; dead unborn baby jokes proliferate.
- 1973 - Backstreet abortionists are run out of business by legal abortion clinics.
- 1974 - Planned Parenthood is founded, preforming free abortions in exchange for money and reffering freinds to do the same.
- 1981 - The first successful hotwiring of a uterus is preformed.
- 1988 - Preggobear is born.
- 1994 - Mama Luigi takes a sojourn to the mushroom kingdom and encounters a magic balloon.
- 1998 - AMA publishes: HowTo:Deliver a Baby, A Concise and Easy-to-follow Guide Developed, Tested, and Approved by the AMA (No, Not that AMA. The Other One) and Reprinted with the Permission of the JAMA (Also a Different One).
- 2005 - The phrase Uterus or GTFO! is invented.
- 2007 - Jamie Lynn Spears gets pregnant.
- 2008 - Sarah Palin's daughter's unborn child is pregnant
- 2011 - A newt moves into Miranda Cosgrove's uterus.
- 2012 - Newtis Newtfield becomes the first newt to be elected President of the United States.
October 16: Opening day of hunting season for mimes (United States)
- 1804 - The first mime turns up in France (at the time, "Non-English England")
- 1811 - A Deaf Mute begins asking ordering a Big Mac from McDonalds by emulating a heart attack, giving ideas to an Asian businessman
- 1901 - Overwhelming number of mimes begins the Chinese one mime per family inititive
- 1914 - Mime hunting season initiated to control the number of mimes.
- 1935 - Wisconsin Fish and Game officials note that the current three-a-day bag limit for mimes is unsustainable and could result in the Wisconsin population of mimes being wiped out. As a result, the bag limit is raised to seven a day.
- 1944 - The 102nd Division of the United States Mime Corps begins its assault on the Germans during the Battle of the Bulge. Although the unit was extremely stealthy, their invisible rifles were useless against the Germans. As a result, the 102nd Division would suffer 10,000 mimes lost- a 100% casualty rate- within the first hour of the battle. This was widely viewed as a victory for both sides.
- 2003 - PETA argues that the mime problem should be solved humanely, by imprisoning them in invisible boxes.
- 2004 - A disgruntled mime uses a magnum to "remove" any extra mimes in the area, he is promptly arrested. apparently the mime wasn't using a silencer.
- 2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a mime in the face on a hunting "accident."
- 2007 - The "Mime Mine" is invented.
- 2008 - Al Gore accuses mimes of Global Warming. The mimes mime a riot.
October 17: Take a Sojourn Day
- 1882 - Canada Creates Take a Sojourn to Canada Day to improve Canada, instances of rape by Yaks increase 140%
- 1907 - Robert Perry becomes the first man to take a sojourn to the North Pole, is raped by a reindeer.
- 1912 - Man takes a sojourn on the titanic, nearly downs
- 1935 - A wizard did it during a sojourn in Canada, it is said to be fucking magical or something!!
- 1948 - A white woman is nearly raped by a negro during her sojourn to the post office, customary lynching soon follows
- 1959 - The Soviet Union institutes Take a Sojurn to the Soviet Union day, instances of Yak rape increase 150%
- 1972 - Somebody nearly maed a yuky doody during their Sojourn to Canada
- 1995 - Stephen Hawking runs over a cat during a sojourn in Oxford
- 2006 - A young boy is nearly raped by a gay English teacher while taking a sojourn in Canada
- 2008 - Barack Obama stole my bike
October 18: International Funk Day (Portugal), Radiation Day
- 0023 - God lost control of the universe yet again, causing countless miracles. Luckily, Jesus thought fast and found an explanation for all those fish everywhere.
- 1000 - Due to linguistical differences in many parts of the world, many people have unfortunately mixed up International Funk Day with International Spunk Day. Kleenex has a field day.
- 1955 - All Hell Breaks Loose in Wittinghermandershire Upon Broohavensmarshington, England when a portal to the dark underworld is discovered by a chimney sweep mistaking an inconspicuous closet door for that of the men's lavatory in a small, inconspicuous pub. The scene of dark beings invading the earth is compounded by the fact that the chimney sweep failed to realize that the "urinal" into which he chose to relieve himself was, in fact, a dark being. And, although dark beings are, in fact, dark beings, they do have feelings too and do not, contrary to popular belief, appreciate being urinated upon by chimney sweeps.
- 1960 - Funk music, Jazz's retarded brother is born.
- 1978 - U.S. President George Clinton puts Portugal under a groove. Portuguese population introduced to blow.
- 2002 - Jacques Chirac is elected in France, funky disco dancing ensues
- 2002 - Parisians realize how gay Disco Dancing is, rioting ensues
- 2006 - Kim Jong Il funks the world with Mass Destruction, giving celebration to all of the days occasions
- 2557- 25 different types of cheese are discovered on the bottom of the ocean. Scientists are baffled and manage to retrieve 16 of the different types. A German hypnotist later publishes the findings in a kids weekly coloring book; it becomes an instant best seller.
October 19: Feast of Saint Roger (Estonia). Feast of rogering saints (Bulgaria).
- 24 - Saint Roger invites his chums to his residence, Gobblewood Mansion, and holds a feast.
- 26 - Saint Roger gets raped by Hillbillies while on holiday in Bulgaria
- 1161 - The first trout was launched into space by the ruskies, onboard Stenchpotski 12.
- 1297 - Someone, somewhere, goes to the lavatory.
- 1349 - Postmen all over England suffer the Sack Death.
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus sings the blues.
- 1607 - Elizabeth I of England rises from the dead as a zombie- then dies again of a bad cold.
- 1704 - Nokia renames itself Bobcom.
- 1734 - Bobcom renames itself Fredphone.
- 1764 - Fredphone renames itself Kings Cross Talk.
- 1824 - Kings Cross Talk renames itself Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications.
- 1854 - Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications renames itself London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft.
- 1884 - London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft renames itself Retford Phone Company.
- 1914 - Retford Phone Company renames itself Nokia.
- 1925 - Nokia Phone Company renames itself Phil the lovable huggable drunkard, but then decides that it projects a negative image on their homeless phone subscribers, so they change back.
- 1973 - Pfft is created and every word in the dictionary is thusforth removed for the rest of eternity. Except for one word. Pfft.
- 1983 - 34 Nazis decide to hold a square dance, which result in a whole new line of trousers being released.
- 1990 - Toasters take over the internets messaging services. Ovens are taken in for questioning.
- 2004 - Nokia renames itself NO CIA, and starts a nuclear war.
- 2007 - While visiting Chicago, President George W. Bush is assassinated, following an economic speech at the Chicago Sheraton Hotel, in front of which an anti-war rally was being held. Noted pedophile John Mark Karr is later arrested for the murder, but is himself killed by a distraught Don King before the case can go to trial.
October 20: Run out of ideas for Uncyclopedia anniversaries day
- 1735 - A French pot head trips on the remains of Napoleon, nobody gives a damn.
- 1846 - Engrish troops invade Minnesota, realize they took a wrong turn on the way to France and turn around. Indians scalp and rape several.
- 1864 - Abraham Lincoln issues the Emancipation Proclamation as a joke; unfortunately, nobody gets it.
- 1965 - A flying saucer lands in California, Scientology briefly becomes popular, at least until the government fire bombed all the celebrities.
- 1969 - Oscar Wilde is discovered painting a mosaic of Islamic extremists with his urine. Extremists eat sacred cows in retaliation. Gandhi is shocked and appalled, the movie Gandhi II is released as a result of real world events.
- 1974 - End of an Oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations end a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, America tells them to fuck off; invents electric vehicles.
- 1980 - The world was taken over by the governmen- er... um... Hey guys.. how are you? What with those guns pointed at my head?
- 1982 - Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing several million hikers and causing US$390 trillion in damage. Government cover up of the tragedy includes flying monkeys with super-soakers.
- 1988 - Two U.S. Army roflcopters collide in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, killing 1337 squirrels.
- 1990 - China begins plans to hack google and steal information on McDonalds cheeseburger prep.
- 1990 - South Korean scientists recreate mohammed from cloned DNA of Chihuahua. The world fell into darkness.
- 1998 - Beer first enters my stomach. Thousands rejoice.
- 2005 - Screw this, I'm off.
- π - The US Supreme Court declares that π has just as much of a right to be a year as any other year and declares the next 20 years to be the year π as back pay for this injustice over two millennia old.
- 2006 - Actually, I think we have enough for today, but the rest of the month is going to be a pain, well, it's time to go "research" events.
- 2012 - The apocalypse at the end of the world is discovered to have been caused by unyclopedia running out of ideas for anniversaries.
October 21: William Shatner Appreciation Day
- 1017 BC - Plato invents a wicked new toy, but squirrels it away for centuries. Not until the New King James translation of his world famous book The Republic is it rediscovered.
- Nought-686 AD - Conan of Cimmeria becomes Pope, is contracted to star in Conan the Destroyer.
- 1020 - Some German honkies were enjoyinng a very nice section of the Black Forest until some Romans come sack their village. Today is the day they payed those Degos back with interest.
- 16-nought-Nine AD - Ninja Turtle Raphael starts beautifying some buildings in Rome. He will one day paint the perfect pizza.
- 1740 - Worldwide squirrel defenestration conspiracy forms.
- 18-nought-Five AD - Battle of Trafalgar. French/Spanish/Dutch PWND by Nelson.
- 1989 - The gateway to Hell opened up for the eleventh time since Britney Spears got out, but it was only to let Mr. Flufferkins go tinkle. Mr. Rogers' neighborhood never recovered.
- 1992 - Rachael Ray's chicken gains intelligent life
- 1997 - Frogger crossed the road for the very first time
- 1998 - The $5 bill was invented
- 2007 - Buster Keaton is slowly forgotten once again.
- 2008 - Klingon made the official language of the United States.
- 2009 - You read this.
- 2015 - Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown arrive to Hill Valley from the year 1985.
- 2024 - A fly travels to Nova Scotia to drink some sodas.
October 22: Int-t-ternational S-s-stuttering Awareness Day and iNTERNATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY
- Beginning Of Time Mrs. Harris (the best Descendant of Chinggis Khan) was born on this epic day!!!!
October 23: D&D Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played Dungeons & Dragons as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better.
"It says: With this strength or lower I can only be a Magic User. Re-roll!"
- 33 - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later.
- 1966 - International Federation of the Friendless is formed by Gary Gygax and other near-do-wells.
- 1969 - While others are busy engaged in the Summer of Love, Gary Gygax and Friends are busy making their own chainmail armour out of plastic plumbing washers.
- 1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. Later arrested for being a peeping tom. Judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research.
- 1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create "The Fantasy Game." Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for changerooms.
- 1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out.
- 1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a Basilisk.
- 1984 - You realise with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Staff Skill" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you.
- 1985 - Everyone starts referring to bottles of water as "Potions of Thirst Obviation" and dictionaries as "Tomes of Acquired Word Definition."
- 2003 - The first woman to play D&D is later discovered to be a shemale .
- 2005 - You catch your wife in bed with another man, but later discover she was just earning 50 experience points with a Helmet of Protection +6.
- 2584 - First D&D player in history gets laid thanks to the lucky roll of a natural 20.
- 3000 - Roughly 500 years after the first D&D player got laid his great, great, great, great grandson becomes Supream Dungeon Master of earth.
- 5000 - the world's first jock plays D&D and becomes D&D master of the universe and all that are contained inside it after beating up Supream Dungeon Master of earth
October 24: Evil Villian Appreciation Day, National Put The Ramones On at Full Volume And Piss Off The Neighbors Day, World Beauty Festival, Stupid Worthless Useless Day, Hooverville Appreciation Day.
- 1867 - After mass revolt by the Australian and New Zealand governments, Harry becomes Guardian of UCT
- 1889 - First recorded use of pure hearted maiden, strapped to railroad tracks, to attract a ransom; the deed, while dasterdly, merely attracts Royal Canadian Mounted Police who save the girl and thwart the plan
- 1931 - Polish schoolboy Joseph Ratzinger is arrested for arson, rape and general troublemaking. The Pope declares this day an International catholic holiday.
- 1941 - Hitler writes the lyrics of "Blitzkrieg Bop". Later becomes a hit song by The Ramones.
- 1943 - Morroco becomes capital of evil villians; they are simply fed up to "here" with Hitler's needy personality
- 1969 - Your second grade teacher, mean old Miss Masters takes away your favorite doll and holds it ransome; demands that you earn an "A" on your spelling test or "Dolly gets it"
- 1977 - Habitat for Humanity contemplates rebuilding the Big Bad Wolf's house for charity. Instead decides on Euthanasia as a more cost-sensitive option.
- 1984 - A science teacher from Great Yarmouth sends his class zipwiring down pylon wires, claiming a man who looked a spitting image of Osama Bin Laden told him to do so. It turned out to be the janitor. Incredibly, no-one was even injured and everyone cleared the zipline.
- 2005 - Dick Cheney gets a dozen roses.
- 2006 - George Bush holds Ramone concert; all of Canada kept awake until 3am
- 2007 - Harry Potter 7 comes out -SPOILER: Voldermort idealised as upstanding being, wins Hermione's heart.In desperation Harry becomes gay.
October 25: Shark Awareness Day
- 625 - Pope Boniface V eaten by a blue shark.
- 1147 - The Portuguese, under Afonso I, and Crusaders from England conquer Lisbon after a four-month siege. They decide to celebrate by going for a swim, and then all get eaten by tiger sharks.
- 1655 - Shark arrives from the future, is promptly killed by puzzled Welshman.
- 1936 - The Rome-Berlin Axis is created by Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and a bunch of great white sharks (the sharks wanted to ally with Hitler, because they were great white supremacists).
- 1946 - The secret vote was held by the British parliament to enact the 1946 Gay and Lesbian Slavery Act
- 1977 - Renegade child eats dozens of sharks at Miami Beach. Panicked King Tritan declares State of Emergency and suspends Civil Liberties.
- 1979 - Green Peace activist dies after trying to train the first vegetarian shark.
- 1988 - The Gardners are cloned
- 1993 - Vincent Price dies.
- 1994 - Vincent Price's tomb found empty and a series of bizarre murders occur. Sharks are prime suspects.
- 1997 - Charge of the White Van Men an infamous fight during the Battle of Balaclava
- 2006 - All travel to Australia banned; shark eats young child at beach.
- 2007 - Jim Toomey, writer of the comic strip Sherman's Lagoon, is given honorary Cambodian citizenship.
- 2008 - (Morning) I could not find my keys. Sharks were to blame.
- 2008 - (Afternoon) It was discovered that I forgot they were on the table. Sharks were to blame.
- 2008 - (Evening) The goddamn car wouldn't start. An alliance of sharks and malicious little green men is to blame.
October 26: International Time Travel Day
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus invents herpes to pass the time on tedious transatlantic voyages.
- 1701 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania incorporated as an American city.
- 1776 - The first Continental Congress adjourns in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
- 1805 - Citizens, using stolen British documents, develop simple time travel and travel back to 1701 and eradicate Philadelphia in order to save the East Coast from what would be present Philadelphia. Make second stop a bit farther east and remove area of future New Jersey for good measure as well. All is peaceful.
- 1822 - The Rock discovers the secret to time travel, goes back in time to kill Hitler, only to realize Hitler wasn't born yet.
- 1917 - The first Lifetime limited warranty is created when Congress passes the Broken Stamp Act of 1917.
- 1921 - Highlander comes forward a billion years and impales Sean Connery on a parking meter, revenge ensues.
- 1944 - Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla invent a time machine by accident. They travel to 1996 and meet Elton John, The Spice Girls and Bill Clinton's Cigar. They promptly return home, dismantle the time machine and deny it ever happened. It has become known amongst Conspiracy Theorists as the Philadelphia Experiment
- 1946 - Enjoy whale meat day (Japan)
- 1969 - The 69 sex position is invented by Christopher Lloyd.
- 1980 - The 1981 DMC DeLorean, which is later used as a time machine, is released.
- 1985 - Dr. Emmett Brown invents a time machine out of a DeLorean
- 1988 - Bill and Ted build a time machine out of a phone booth for access to space porn.
- 1988 - Pre-Emo angsty teenage outsider, Donnie Darko, avoids being killed by a time-traveling jet engine by sleeping on a golf course.
- 1988 - Pre-Emo angsty teenage outsider, Donnie Darko, is killed by a time-traveling jet engine.
- 1994 - First Time Cop trained; turns into serial killer, but accidently destroys own grandmother, creating a paradox called Doctor Who.
- 1996 - The less popular 96 sex position is invented after the birth of Jesus.
- 1999 - The 99 sex position is invented. Wait -- How does that work?
- 2000 - It is discovered that Rosa Parks was actually a middle-aged caucasian man named Hank.
- 2001 - First Time Traveller's Convention Held in New York. No future being reported.
- 2003 - Goverment develops a time machine, George W. Bush travels to the past to party with his past self and Hitler.
- 2006 - Some angsty teenager has an internal conflict with herself about stuff only Col. Sherman Potter and his son Harry Potter would understand.
October 27: National "Peeing Calvin" Bumper Sticker Day
- 1875 - Oscar Wilde decided to avoid his normal routine and go to the barbers before attending his routine denouncement
- 1956 - The Great One's first toenail grew in. Widely considered to be particularly unspectacular, this event is overlooked by hoards of Bushists who hold wild street parties, which begin with tea and quiet chatting and end in mass orgies. Oh, hee hee, I said a dirty word on the internet! Is that even allowed?
- 1998 - Mother of Pearl Sunday when several people attempted to create a zombie of Michael Jackson.
- 6000 - John F. Kennedy pees on Calvin.
- 2101 - Chuck Norris pees twice on Calvin. Then pees on Hobbes and Bill Watterson. Can you beat that John?
This is October 28th: National Realism Day / 2nd Bolognese Day (First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) / Carp de Diem (US: Day of the Goldfish), Feast day of Saint Jude (usually celebrated by going "Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah, hey Jude" for fifteen minutes). Also this is play Cod black ops and don't do ur homework day. US only. u die if u not in US and u celebrating this holiday.
- 1066 - William the Bad Motherfucker PWNZ the Saxon army. Maybe they should have stopped playing so much damn jazz and maybe picked up a sword, eh?
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus lands in Cuba, stocks up on Cuban cigars, Che Guevera memorabilia.
- 1835 - In Paris, nothing happened the entire day that was worth rioting about. Rioting ensues.
- 1955 - John McClane born in Yippee-Ki-Yay, MF.
- 1955 - Bill Gates is born. Biblical scholars widely regard this as one of the signs of the End Times described by the Bible in Revelations 4:16 ("Yea, and there shall come a great Monopolist, and this Octopus shall cast his tentacles wide, and He shall spread darkness upon the land, in the form of buggy software, security holes, and poor interface design")
- 1956 - Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is born. His childhood is marked by several instances of being dropped on his head and drinking paint thinner.
- 1793 - Eliphalet Remington, American firearms manufacturer, was born. Americans traditionally celebrate his birthday by turning to the person on their left and shooting them.
- 1942 - The Alaska-Canadian Highway (Alcan) is completed, allowing Alaskans easy access to thousands of pounds of primo BC bud.
- 2001 - God loses concentration for a minute and the sun sets on the British Empire, the British take this opportunity to take the whole world....bar France... again. Why can the frogs never be conquered?!?!?
- 2010 - Old MacDonald claims that Michael Jackson appeared to him, on his farm, dressed as Captain EIEIO.
- 2011 - God admits that Bill Gates does have more money than him.
- 2012 - America relizes they made the worst genicide of them all and killed the indians then they gave the country back to them and it ends globel warming.
October 29: National Ignorance Awareness Day /International Rescue Day (Thunderbirds are Go!) / Ramadan ends
- 1497 - Did something happen on this day?
- 1576 - Rolf Harris invents the wobble board and didgeridoo. Chaos ensues
- 1675 - Leibniz makes the first use of the long s, ∫, for integral. 315 years later I have to take calculus. Thanks, man. Thanks a fucking lot.
- 1782 - God gets up, has a slice of toast, then decides it's all too much bother and goes to bed again for 500 years.
- 1929 - The New York Stock Exchange crashes in what will be called the Crash of '29 or Black Tuesday, beginning the Great Depression. I think that was like, when, everyone got really unhappy for a long time.
- 1969 - The first-ever computer-to-computer link is established on ARPANET, the precursor to the Internet. It is used to send porn.
- 1955 - Mother Brown gets me Dog And Bone.
- 1957 - Comma, used innappropriately, millions giggle.
- 1972 - President Richard Nixon declares that he is addicted to the word "Declares".
- 1985 - Howard The Duck, dude. Howard The Duck.
- 1990 - Rolf Harris brainwashes an audience in Melbourne with his filthy basslines on his didgeridoo. Further chaos ensues
- 1998 - Space Shuttle Discovery blasts-off with 77-year old John Glenn on board, making him the oldest person to go into space. He bores astronauts by telling them about how in his day, they didn't have astronaut ice cream, and there were no zero-G toilets, they just had to hold it in the entire mission.
- 2002 - Ozone linked to Al-Quada, President Bush vows to increase carbon dioxide outputs as USA leads the way in the War on Terra.
- 2007 - Rolf Harris returns and formally founds dubstep. Even more Chaos ensues
- 2009 - Pam Anderson's breasts become self aware.
- 2113 - Reality TV goes too far as God, Allah & Budda duke it out in a Pay-Per-View event billed as "The Gods Must Be Crazy". World ends soon after.
October 30: Hallowe've (aka Eve of Hallowe'en).
- 1214 - Loke founds Change Management day as Hallowe've with The Great Pumpkin.
- 1215 - The Magna Carta is burnt to a cinder and replaced with Mein Kampf.
- 1216 - Mein Kampf is burnt to a cinder and replaced with War and Peace.
- 1217 - War and Peace is burnt to a cinder and replaced with Pride and Prejudice.
- 1218 - Pride and Prejudice is burnt to a cinder and replaced with Great Expectations.
- 1219 - Great Expectations is burnt to a cinder and replaced with Encyclopaedia Britannica.
- 1220- Encyclopaedia Britannica is burnt to a cinder and replaced with the Lord of the Rings I, II, & III.
- 1221 - A government official points out that the Lord of the Rings I, II, & III has not been written yet and replaces it with Medieval Times Literature For Dummies.
- 1222 - Encyclopædia Britannica is reestablished
- 1223 - Encyclopædia Britannica is burnt to a cinder and replaced with Religion
- 1226 - Officials in Paris admit they can't keep track of what has been burnt to a cinder and what it was replaced with. Rioting ensues.
- 1226(later in the day) - Rioting ensues over the rioting.
- 1226(laterer in the day) - Rioting stops. Rioting ensues as a result.
- 1988 - Pre-Emo Angsty outsider, Donnie Darko, witnesses the death of his girlfriend and thus shoots a rabbit in the eye.
- 2003 - Hal Holbrook converts to Muslimismism and changes his first name to Hallal
- 2008 - Micheal Jackson get melted down and recycled into dummies so he can legally be sucked by children
- 2008 - Eco-friendly Barbie marries Eco-friendly Ken. Upon completion of the ceremony the couple is recycled.
- 2009 - Anne Robinson reveals that she has a penis
October 31: International Dress Like an Idiot Day, International Emo Day, International Annoy Strangers into Giving Away Candy Day
- 30 - Jesus performs another miracle, turning celery sticks into chocolate and regular corn into candy corn.
- 475 - Romulus Augustulus is proclaimed Roman Emperor, while wearing a white toga over his head, with eye holes cut in it.
- 1219 - The governor of Samarkand mistakes the army of Genghis Khan for a group of buddhist monks dressed up like the Khan's army, and opens the gates for them. Samarkand is sacked, looted, and burned, and the Khan is pissed off when the army returns home and has already eaten all the candy.
- 1517 - The Protestant Reformation begins. After spending all week on his robot costume, Martin Luther dresses up and goes to the local church but they won't give him candy. He plays a trick on them spreading his theses all over the church door.
- 1897 - The City of London's Best Halloween Costume prize is awarded to Oscar Wilde (for his clever Oscar Wilde costume)
- 1927 - The October Uprising was rushed through on this day to save them changing all the letterheads.
- 1956 - Suez Crisis: To force Egypt to reopen the Suez Canal, the United Kingdom and France begin a massive bombardment of Egypt using water balloons and raw eggs.
- 1961 - In the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin's frozen body is removed from Lenin's Tomb. Stalin's body is then dressed up as Frankenstein and then set outside Kruschev's house as part of a scary Halloween diorama. Communist Party members are initially outraged, but come around when Kruschev's house wins the USSR's Halloween house decoration contest.
- 1969 - Women discover that instead of putting time into making an awesome constume they can just take a normal job uniform and slut it up a bit.
- 1970 - Men ok with above.
- 1980 - First Glam Rock conclave standarizes dressing like an idiot in the 80s.
- 2002 - Evangelical Christians inaugurate Complain About Something Unimportant Again Day
- 2005 - Dressing like an idiot now at a record high.
- 2005 - Severe storm strikes Glace Bay, Nova Scotia producing eggs, fireworks, pumpkins, crab-apples, and rocks. Homes and cars are damaged and several police cruisers are damaged by intense rock showers.
- 2006 - Washington D.C.'s "Scariest Halloween Costume" prize is awarded to Dick Cheney. Says Cheney, "But I didn't even dress up!"
- 2007 - Millions revolt after International Dress Like an Idiot Day is renamed 'Hallowedwoon.' 1337 killed, 492 injured. 82 arrests have been made.
- 2010 - The end is marked by children coming to your door and asking for candy.
See Also[edit]
January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December


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Main Content
Indianapolis—Two significant changes in state law allows non-violent offenders to have their criminal records sealed as well as gives courts the power to convert a Class D felony conviction to a Class A misdemeanor upon petition. The new Indiana laws, which went into effect last July, aim to help ex-offenders find work.
"Every legislative session, new laws pass that directly impact the lives of Hoosiers," said Jamal L. Smith, Executive Director of the Indiana Civil Rights Commission. "It's important that we share this information with people so that everyone has a clear understanding of their rights. These laws, specifically, have gone relatively unnoticed."
To have criminal records sealed ex-offenders must wait a minimum of eight (8) years following the completion of their sentence. Likewise, ex-offenders must wait a minimum of three (3) years following the completion of their sentence to request a conversion of a Class D felony conviction to a Class A misdemeanor.
With both laws, sex or violent offenders, persons convicted of a Class D felony that resulted in bodily injury to another person, or individuals still serving sentences related to criminal activity are not eligible to submit a petition.
We encourage you to contact Indiana Legal Services or a private attorney for more information.
Click here for a packet regarding Restricted Disclosure of Arrests or Convictions.
The Indiana Civil Rights Commission enforces the Indiana civil rights laws and provides education and services to the public in an effort to ensure equal opportunity for all Hoosiers and visitors to the State of Indiana. For more information on the Indiana Civil Rights Commission visit: www.in.gov/icrc.


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This weekend I worked in San Diego for the Rock and Roll Expo! Met some awesome and super nice people, and told lots of people why Long Beach is my favorite race, and no it's not just because I work for them!
It was a fun weekend seeing everyone excited for a race and it made me look forward to my next 10K the 4th of July 10k!
Hung out with this guy at the booth all day and ran before we left for the Expo on Friday morning. It was a great way to kick off the day and I swear, that feeling that you get after you work out just makes you feel SO good! I had dinner with the sweetest girl EVER whom I work with who works at iFitness and we totally enjoyed talking wedding, work and life! It was great. Saturday morning I woke up bright and early ( I still can't believe we got up) and hit the gym. I was pretty stoked to see these bikes with TV's in them!
Made my 6 mile bike ride go by nice and quick! We had an AMAZING breakfast at a little random hidden cafe and before I knew it we were back at the Expo again and I had some lovely visitors stop by… my lovely "sisters"! We actually all share the same last name, but are not related, and it's a very weird last name. They are both Marathon Maniacs as well and everyone always says it's so strange how much we do look alike! :) Love them!
I also finally got word that the Laguna Hills Half Pictures were up! I was SO excited when my friend Emil emailed me some and they came out AMAZING! I finally have a great jumping picture!
I really don't know how I got so high off the ground!
So here's the challenge update to date. Less than a month left!
Friday – ran 3 miles. shins are still very tender :(
Saturday – biked 6 miles, abs and a few arm workouts, was on feet ALL day at expo, sore legs!
Sunday – walked 3 miles. boring, but got it done.
Monday – ran 3 miles. felt okay. glad I got up early even though I was exhausted
Tuesday – ran 2 miles, walked one miles. really sore today… and yoga shall kill me tonight.
The shins are really sore. But I am diligently going to keep going on the 40 day Challenge. I also have some pretty crazy wedding news and I can't share much and I don't even know much besides the fact that we got chosen, but B and I got chosen to be on a show that is all about our wedding! We can't share any details but…we are getting married on July 23, 2011! I can't wait and I'm so excited that I don't have to wait LONGER to get married… the fact that it's next month is crazy! We are so excited and can't believe we got chosen! So I am having a shower in a few weeks and my bachelorette party is the weekend before! It's going to be a whirlwind of fun and exciting activities and it all ends with us getting married! YIPPIE!


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Perrie Susman devotes plenty of time to picking the perfect Halloween costume. In previous years, she's opted for skeleton, frog and cow outfits. This Halloween, she's going with a Headless Horseman theme, she says.
But Susman, a rehabilitation aide in West Palm Beach, Fla., is not talking about the outfit she herself will wear on Oct. 31. Instead, she's referring to the costume she's purchased for Domino, her five-year-old Lab-pit bull mix.
"I do it because I like to dress up and I like to have somebody to dress up with," says Susman.
Yes, Halloween has gone to the dogs. And the cats, too. Sales of pet costumes have soared in recent years, growing by 68% — from $220 million in 2010 to $370 in 2012, according to the National Retail Federation. And individual retailers say they see demand only increasing in the years ahead. PetSmart points to the fact that it now carries 111 styles of pet costumes and accessories; it's even starting to offer items for "small animals."
"If you don't have a cat or dog, you can still dress up your guinea pig," says Dara Foster, resident pet-fashion stylist for PetSmart.
The trend has gotten so big that a number of communities are hosting pets-in-costume parades or gatherings. Already for several years now, in New York's Tompkins Square Park, hundreds of pet lovers have gathered for a dog parade, replete with "Best in Show" costume honors.
What's behind the boom? In many ways, it speaks to America's growing fascination with Halloween, which has gone from being a kid-centric event to almost a mini-Christmas, with all the attendant decorating, dressing up and partying. Per-person spending on Halloween has increased 55% since 2005 — from $49 to $75 — according to the National Retail Federation. And pop-up Halloween stores have become a common sight in many malls and shopping thoroughfares.
The fascination with Halloween dovetails with our passion for pets. "Your pet is now seen as an extension of your family. And you're going to spend on that pet like you spend on your son and daughter," says National Retail Federation spokesperson Kathy Grannis. Indeed, pet products and services now constitute a $53 billion industry, up by 5% in the past year alone, according to the American Pet Products Association, a trade organization.
There may be another factor at play in the popularity of pet costumes: They're a lot cheaper than the human variety. Packaged ones can generally be found for under $20 — and in some cases, under $10. By contrast, adult costumes can easily run in the three or four figures — or even higher.
In other words, it's a cheap but effective gag. "Let's face it: Pets in costumes are funny," says Sara Gaugl, director of marketing with Savers Thrift Stores, which also carries a large selection of costumes for the animal set. Gaugl adds that the company has already sold about 40% of its stock of pet costumes and it hasn't hit its busiest shopping time for Halloween.
Still, before you buy Fido that Headless Horseman costume, experts say it's worth keeping a few safety and other considerations in mind. For starters, not all animals are going to be receptive to the idea — and it makes little sense to force the issue. "It's probably no good dressing up a dog that's jumping around," says Dr. Jules Benson, vice president of veterinary services for Petplan Pet Insurance. But even if the pet is willing, it's important to make sure the costume is loose enough to avoid the risk of choking or chafing, Benson adds.
And don't forget that other important consideration, "protecting your pet's dignity," says Benson with a laugh. But a lot of people say their pets take pleasure in getting dressed up — or at least in getting the attention that results from donning a costume. Certainly, that's what Perrie Susman has noted when it comes to Domino. As soon as the dog is out the door come Halloween night, "his little tail starts wagging," Susman says.


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In a list that is sure to ignite debates across dining room tables and dorm rooms across the country, Rolling Stone magazine ranked the best Beatles songs of all time.
The winner? The psychidelic closer to the Sergeant Pepper's album, "A Day in the Life." Originally banned by the BBC for an on-the-sly drug reference, Rolling Stone placed it at the very top of the band from Liverpool's canon.
Rolling Stone is set to release a special Beatles Top 100 Songs edition of the magazine, to coincide with the 40th anniversary of the band's final studio release, "Let it Be."
U.S. & World
In the introduction to the list, rock elder statesman Elvis Costello said, "Lennon, McCartney, and Harrison had stunningly high standards as writers."
The No. 2 ranked song on the list is an early pop confection, "I Want to Hold Your Hand." No. 3 is "Strawberry Fields Forever," which was written at the same time as the Sergeant Pepper's tracks but eventually released on the album, "Magical Mystery Tour."
Selected Reading: Rolling Stone, NY Daily News


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Joseph Gilmore is what they call a "Point Baby." He started out at the Point Community Development Corporation in 1996, when he was 10 years old. He participated in the art programs at first and later went on to do photography and community work.
Today, Gilmore, in his early 20s, is an aspiring photographer and credits The Point. "It gave me an opportunity to learn certain things that weren't available in public school and urban areas of the city. With photography I learned my own business, gaining clientele through networking," he said. Now, Gilmore volunteers at The Point, having gone from youth participant to adult organizer.
The Point is based in Hunt's Point. Even though that area of the South Bronx is going through a remarkable renewal, there is still ample room for economic and social improvement. In 1994, Maria Torres, Paul Lipson, Mildred Ruiz and Steven Sapp founded The Point and brought a new vision to community development in the Bronx. They wanted to treat program participants not as receivers of "aid" or "charity" but as active agents of change within their community. After 13 years, The Point is an integral part of the Hunt's Point community and its renewal.
The founders' vision can be seen in "Activists Coming to Inform Our Neighborhood" (A.C.T.I.O.N.), a teen community leadership program. While many after-school programs keep youths off the streets by occupying them with activities like sports and music, A.C.T.I.O.N. involves them in issues that affect their lives. This helps them deal with the negative influences they may encounter and enables them to be activists, who not only recognize problems but work to find solutions. For example, instead of just grousing about not having enough parks, they find out how they can create new parks.
Conflicts and Resolutions
Police in the Schools:
Hanging Out and Hurting Business:
Breaking the Cycle of Violence:
Taking A.C.T.I.O.N. at The Point:
Cutbacks After School:
Recruitment is done by word of mouth. Program participants, about 20 each year, come from all parts of the Bronx and even from Westchester. "Any after-school program is self selecting. Students with the ambition to dedicate extra time to something like this after school are already ahead," said Adam Liebowitz, director of A.C.T.I.O.N. But he said that four of the young people involved did leave high school and are now trying to get their GEDs.
From his time as a participant at ACTION, from 2001 to 2004, Gilmore remembers one project especially. In 2002-2003, the group worked to help clean up South Bronx brownfields, contaminated lots of land that had to be cleaned before it would be fit for further use. A.C.T.I.O.N. participants helped document the location and previous uses of these lots in order to spur their redevelopment. Today, he says, Barretto Point Park and Hunt's Point Riverside Parks exist partly because of A.C.T.I.O.N.'s efforts. "I actually remember documenting both of those parks," Gilmore said.
What is now Barretto Point Park, a hidden gem on the Hunt's Point waterfront, was previously occupied by an asphalt plant, then remained unused for many years before the Department of Parks and Recreation acquired the lot from the Department of Environmental Protection in 2001. Hunt's Point Riverside Park is the first new Bronx River access point in the South Bronx in over 60 years and one of only four canoe launch points in all of the Bronx. It used to be occupied by a fur-dying plant.
This year, A.C.T.I.O.N. have been fighting to stop the city from building a new 2,000-bed jail at Oak Point. In collaboration with the American Lung Association and City Councilmember Joel Rivera, A.C.T.I.O.N. has also been working to pass a measure that would prohibit the sale of flavored tobaccos in the city. The attorneys general of 38 states, including New York, had reached an agreement with RJ Reynolds in October 2006 in which the company would restrict its sales of flavored tobacco products. Under the agreement, RJ Reynolds could not market cigarettes in flavors such as Twistaberry and Mochalime that were plainly targeted at kids.
But then RJ Reynolds came out with a new line of Camel Signature Blends, a "cool" new breed of Camel cigarettes, with richly colored packaging and suave-sounding flavors like "Frost" and "Infused." In response, Intro 433 would ban the sale of any flavor cigarettes besides menthol in New York City.
As long as their efforts benefit the community, A.C.T.I.O.N. does not care if they help politicians as well. "If it's mutually beneficial, if it's a cause that we're championing and we both look better then fine," said Leibowitz.
Generally, the people A.C.T.I.O.N. members encounter – educators, other people in the community, politicians -- react well to the teenagers. "They love it," Leibowitz said, adding "when you see youth doing it, it gives you pause and makes you really consider something." And, Leibowitz says, the program can benefit both the young people and the politicians. "If it's mutually beneficial, if it's a cause that we're championing and we both look better then, fine," he said. "We won't just do it for no reason."