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I am an American girl who has seen Tim McGraw live 18 times and as traditional as they come. I do not, however, participate in baby showers. This ceremonial welcoming of a baby rarely treats birth with reverence. I believe women can - and should - birth naturally and breastfeed their babies. The American way of having babies is in crisis. This is an educational blog; exploring birth, breastfeeding, & attachment parenting. I am a Natural Childbirth Educator and this is my voice.
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Etiquette of Attachment Parenting
My experience with Attachment Parenting (AP) has been this: My hairdresser turned me on to Dr. William Sears's Baby Book in 1996. After a couple of months of searching for a sling and finally finding a tie-dyed one, I started wearing my baby (back when no one did this) and sleeping with my baby. I tried to establish trust and a healthy relationship simply by meeting my baby's needs, often before he even knew what he needed. The idea behind Attachment Parenting is that you and your child are, simply, attached. He respects you because you respect him.
My babies never cried themselves to sleep. They nursed. We got better with each baby mostly because we looked at our big kids and realized how fast the time went with the babies. We held them and enjoyed our time of their being little. We also had the advantage of seeing that, yes, they do eventually sleep -- even in their own beds -- and do other things that you can't imagine them doing when you are immersed in the craziness of toddlerhood.
We always did time-outs, which may be controversial in the world of Attachment Parenting. In fact, I'll be real honest. Our time out chair was an old car seat that no one could get out of. (Eventually, Daymon figured out he could just stand up and walk around with it attached to him and at that point, we moved on to taking away privileges, etc!) Time outs lasted however long their age was. For example, 3 years old = 3 minutes of time out. It was very effective. Usually the threat of time out was all that was needed, especially as they got older. I don't remember using timeouts after the age of 5.
Sometimes I totally yelled -- still do -- at my children. They will be the first to tell you that. Often, I was -- and still am -- the one taking the time out! I am, by no means, the perfect parent. I can name lots of people that parent better than I do. I do like to think, however, that I have well-behaved children. Again, not perfect, but pretty darn good.
I've seen a trend over the last several months, under the umbrella of Attachment Parenting, that I would venture to call "permissive parenting," stolen from my friend Shannon's quote on someone's wall this weekend. She summed it up beautifully and I hope she doesn't mind me swiping it off Facebook!
"AP parenting is building a foundation that does last a lifetime. We are teaching our children that we will provide for them in a fundamental and practical way, emotional and practically. This can be done with bottle feeding, but it is not as easily done (it takes a LOT more effort), and the nutritional benefits are lacking.
That being said, it's sad to see the "AP" movement turn into a permissive parenting perspective that undoes much of what attachment parenting practices should do, establishing boundaries in a safe and loving environment."
Yes! This is what I'm talking about! I have seen parents who claim to practice AP let their children run wild, often in places where it is quite disruptive. I will refrain from expanding on that statement.
It is OK to discipline your child and teach them that there are appropriate places to run around and be loud. There is a time and place for everything. But it is OK -- and expected by old people like me! -- that parents will also teach their children how to sit still, be quiet, and listen or play quietly with a book, etc. If parents don't teach them, they will be forced to learn it in school by someone other than their parent. They will be labeled at that point. (A lot of AP parents homeschool and think this is a moot point. It's not. At some point, people will see your child as disruptive, disrespectful, irreverent, and possibly obnoxious.) Parents have a responsibility to teach their children how and when to be quiet!
I also see a lot of AP parents doing things for their children that I believe the children should be doing themselves, or at least learning to do. Picking up after themselves, for example. Occasionally I have people at my house with small children who play with the toys Darcy still has out. (Those days are limited for us, now. Soon they will be gone as she gets older.) It's interesting to watch how parents respond to the toys and the mess their children have made. Some parents will have their child pick them all up, while others will insist on their child helping to pick them up, usually explaining why it's important and respectful to do so (this is AP parenting!). Others will pick up all the toys while their children watch. Where is the lesson in that? Every now and then I have parents (and their children) who don't pick up any of the mess their children make. Don't get me started on that one.
I have to use another comment from a former student of mine that I read on Facebook this week. Again, I hope she doesn't mind me lifting her comment:
"...People may think I'm strict or unreasonable in training my kids to sit at the table and eat, but the reward comes when I can have a lovely dinner date with just my boy and girl. We talk, laugh, and eat, and it's usually quite nice. When he uses the manners we've taught him in dealing with the servers it makes me quite proud. He's such a sweet and grateful boy."
And that about sums it up. I might add that her children are very small. Yes, it is often more effort to correctly practice Attachment Parenting, but the payoff is tremendous.
I've thought a lot lately, as Daymon is approaching his 15th birthday, about Attachment Parenting and its significance it's played in my life as well as my childrens' lives. They do not remember being little -- breastfeeding, cosleeping, or constantly being carried in their sling. Their memories are scattered from when they were little. But, like Shannon said, AP parenting provides a foundation from which to build. A foundation of trust, of boundaries, respect, and growth. We want our children to grow into responsible, independent, trusting, and capable adults.
I look at each of my children, and while they all have different strengths and weaknesses, they have a good foundation. They are civilized and respectful and caring. The foundation is there, even if the memories (of things that were so important and significant to me) are not. When they are driving me crazy, I just reach back into my file and pull out a sweet memory of when they were little. I expect to do that a lot during these teenage years!
22 comments:
- The Globetrotter Parent said...
I think your message, to be complete, needs to address those who believe that punishment (including time out), in and of itself, is not good and definitely not AP. That doesn't mean that parents should not discipline, but some parents feel that they need to find ways other than punishment to achieve this, like explaining, modeling, allowing children to learn natural consequences.
I also think that a lot of what parents "discipline" their children for are not things that their child is developmentally ready to accomplish on his or her own. Picking up things in one's room is a big task done alone, for example, and often too overwhelming for a 5-year old. I would love for my 6-year old to be able to sit at the table for a whole meal and cut with a knife and fork but she doesn't. I encourage her each time but if I push too hard, it ends in frustration on her part. I'm assuming she's just not developmentally ready.
I think we also need to ask what we are raising our child to be. Do we want to raise children who are later on obedient to authority, without question? You mention children who are unruly, noisy, etc. but what is it they that are wrong to be so? Some parents may argue that their aim is to raise children who are free spirits and who question rules, not children who obey societal norms.
Just throwing these thoughts out there.
- June 27, 2011 at 6:48 AM
- Maegan said...
Globetrotter...At first I was in agreement...About discipline being appropriate for the developmental age - I always consider, "Does my child know that this is not okay, will she understand if I ask her to stop?" Something that comes to mind is the shrieking that young toddlers do when they are testing out their voices. Rather than timeouts or telling my child to stop, I would get very close to her face and whisper very quietly. She would quiet down to hear me...And we would turn shrieking into a "secret whisper" game.
I have 2 girls, one is 7.5, one is almost 4. My older child has always been more independent...So I feel like I have had to help her less than showing her how to do something. My younger child can do many things on her own, but it took LOTS of time from observing the adults around her (as well as watching big sister) to figure out how to do things...And even now she struggles to do some things that came easily for big sis.
I think ANY child can do some of the things you mentioned. I had my older child picking up toys & carrying things back & forth to her toy box at 18 months...I could give her a toy and say, "Can you put it where it goes?" And she would run off to do it. It doesn't mean she cleaned her room alone...But that if I asked her to pick up...Or told her to pick when we were at someone else's home...She COULD pick up. She knew the steps to put things away. My younger child I had to walk back & forth from the toy box to the mess before she got it.
Yet, at not quite 4, she will be ready to leave her friend's house and will start picking up toys before we go (with a reminder).
Taking instructions is as important as children who can be free spirits and question rules. If there was ever an emergency or a very serious situation and it needed everyone to straighten up & listen to mommy and obey very quickly...I am sure my children could follow along without much complaint or panic. You don't walk into a library and be a "free spirit". There are rules there...about keeping your noise level down, about putting things away after you use them, etc. BUT when you go to the park...You can make noise, you can run...You can throw leaves! You need to have that sense of balance to help them decide WHEN can my child be unruly & noisy...and when should my child sit quietly with patience and maturity?
- June 27, 2011 at 7:13 AM
- Regina said...
I debated over leaving a comment! I usually don't when it is something I don't agree with, but I'm just going to put it out there. Respectfully. :)
Attachment parenting is not my thing. Maybe if -no, WHEN- I have success breastfeeding long term I will feel differently. Who knows.
But as someone who doesn't do it, I will say that my deterrents have been the co-sleeping and the whole "free spirit", non-discipline attitude that the first commenter mentioned.
Co-sleeping to me feels forced, unnatural, and uncomfortable. Again, that is just me. It is entirely possible that I am weird, but I have tried it! But I have always had great sleepers, never needed to let my kids cry it out, and I have a great bond with both of them.
As far as discipline goes, you are right to assume that people associate attachment parenting with kids running wild. As an outsider to AP, I do this and know several other people who do. If the two do not go together, than I apologize!!
I discipline my 3 year old. My 12 month old, not so much obviously. But I will. We are the adults and the parents for a reason. Babies/toddlers/kids soak in every little thing, and it is our responsibility to be examples, set expectations and provide consequences. There is not always a natural consequence to bad behavior, so we have to make one (time-out, etc).
I agree that societal norms aren't law and don't need to be followed. (In fact the norms these days are so terrible I hope my kids don't!) But as far as rules, it doesn't often matter what your kid thinks, they HAVE to follow it! Whether it be in school, church, or in someone else's home. Rules are rules, laws are laws.
I once heard a parent say, after her child repeatedly yelled "no!" to her when she asked her to do something that she didn't want to discipline her because she was afraid she would "crush her spirit." That, to me, does not sound like mutual respect or trust, it sounds like the kid running the show.
As far as slings go, I used one a lot. I used it for shopping, the zoo, the grocery store, etc. But at home I wanted my baby to learn that there were times when she couldn't be held. I used to watch my friend do the dishes with one hand every night because she had to hold her baby (he was almost 1 at the time). That was fine with her, but it was not what I wanted. When other things need to be done, I want my baby to be able to and happy to play independently. (I realize she would have had both hands if she used a sling, but it is the principle for me.)
I will say that I am not the world's best mom either. I constantly pray for more patience and understanding! But, like you, I have a very well behaved 3 year old!! I am so proud of him every single day! We have the respect and trust that you mentioned, we just got there a different way.
I think everybody parents differently because everybody wants a different result to an extent, and that's okay. If AP works for you, and you get the result that you set out for, GREAT! If not, that's okay too.
I will also say that I do not subscribe to ANY parenting "method". Nor did I do a sleep "method". I have never read a parenting book of any kind. So far, we are all surviving. Maybe I'll pick one up for those teenage years you are talking about! :)
Great post Donna! I just wanted to give the view of someone who doesn't do AP, because I figured that most of your readers probably do.
- June 27, 2011 at 9:26 AM
- Janie said...
I too do not attachment parent, but I, GASP, lean more toward babywise. Many can claim otherwise but most of the moms I talk to for any amount of time that AP - admit to being worn out, tired, they say their babies (and three year olds) 'nurse ALL night'
I handle my life and my other children better when my baby is on a schedule. Now that 'schedule' is extremely loose and I don't let my babies cry it out. and they get TONS of mom time, being held and I do child led weaning.
But they need to fit in the schedule of a family - not the family to their schedule.
I also do discipline and I am not bragging but my kids sunday school teacher said my five year old was the only one who listens in her class of 9 kids.
I think the danger is any following any one parenting 'system'. You can find online these days ANY support for your theory, whether it be too much discipline, no discipline, etc.
Common sense needs to come into play here.
I think a lot of moms are limiting their family size even when they want more children because they can't 'handle' more - maybe its because the are making the job overwhelming for themselves in the paradigm they have set up or bought into.
My litmus test when I read any advice is "would I have remotely considered doing this 100 years ago on the farm without the barrage of information I have now?
Would I have breastfed - yes
would I have taken my baby with me almost everywhere - probably
would I have slept with my baby? maybe, maybe not.
I can't sleep with my babies - I am uncomfortable. I don't sleep. My husband is grumpy and then snaps at our other children....they are in our room but not in our bed - except for maybe the first 6 weeks or so.
Its NOT for me, But I fully support moms who co-sleep.
Would I have been against punishment? NO - boundaries make happier kids. It needs to be age appropriate and developmentally right but they do need boundaries.
I see it all the time too in how kids react to each other. Granted this is a small microcosm, but the AP kids in my circle -the other kids have a hard time interacting with them - they want to get their way to the detriment of others.
One AP mom even said -- I have to watch him like a hawk because he is vicious to other kids. When he did slap the heck out of my kid - did she discipline him?? NO.
and I thought... well there you go mom - there's your problem.
- June 27, 2011 at 10:12 AM
- Donna Ryan said...
Chelsea had a hard time posting her comment here and put it on Facebook instead, so I'm doing it for her here:
"Thank you! I tried to post on the blog but it didn't let me : (. I've never understood why raising your child to be a functioning member of society (gently) is such a bad thing. My daughter is well behaved in public (most of the time, she's only 21 months old, lol) and says "please", and "thank you". She is happy, independent, and well-adjusted. I always swore I would not be that mom in the restaurant with the screaming, messy, disruptive kid, and I'm planning on sticking to that. If she loses it, we leave, and she knows that. It's not a punishment, it's removing us from a stressful, no-win situation. I will never punish her for questioning authority, and in fat will encourage her to do it. In a proper, respectful, aware vein that will make it most possible for those in a position of authority to listen to her when she questions. Being in touch with "societal norms" does not make one a sheep.
And for the record, we are still breastfeeding, baby-wearing, and co-sleeping. We do not spank, we try to not yell, and we talk to her respectfully and explain why we do what we do. There is a fine line between punishment and consequence, and we try very hard to walk that line. Nobody's going to get it perfectly right, but I believe that we are doing it well so far, and it is in part thanks to the boundaries we have set-they make her secure."
- June 27, 2011 at 11:11 AM
- Laura: The Sushi Snob said...
I'm not a parent yet, but I've been seeing this on AP forums and blogs lately, and I don't like it. Children need boundaries, and parents need to discipline. I think a lot of these parents don't realize that discipline doesn't have to mean destroying the child's spirit. There are methods that are meant to "break" a child, but there are others that are simply to teach the child that certain behaviors are not acceptable in polite company. I believe there is also such a thing as praising a child too much for doing things they should be doing anyway, but that's another story altogether :)
- June 27, 2011 at 11:21 AM
- Nicole said...
Great post! AP is NOT permissive parenting, and shouldn't be! People take the "no punishment" thing to mean no discipline, and they're just not the same thing.
- June 27, 2011 at 12:46 PM
- Mama Birth said...
Assuming that your 6 year old is not developmentally ready to use a utensils (something my 22 month old can do) is simply harming that child by not allowing them to grow. Growth is hard. We must all learn this. When we expect things from people (including children) INCLUDING expecting them to be respectful of others (and not slap them!) we are showing we respect them as people. When we assume that they are not capable of functioning, being respectful, listening, potty training, or WHATEVER- we are not respecting them or their abilities. We are in fact discounting their ability. We may find ourselves surprised when they grow that they are lacking in self esteem despite all the nice things we said about them. Not because we were mean or put them down, but because we didn't let them reach their potential.
- June 27, 2011 at 12:53 PM
- Maegan said...
Regina...Not all babies can co-sleep! Mine couldn't...And I was okay with that. They slept better NEAR me, but not in the bed.
And I did use a wrap with baby #2. She simply had to be held. Otherwise the noise was detrimental to the health of everyone in the house. When she was an infant I didn't mind...As she approached a year I talked to the pediatrician about it. Literally ANY moment I was not making some kind of contact with her she was in tears (putting her down to sleep was a process...warming her bed with a heating pad...making sure she was REALLY asleep...then spending 20 minutes outside the crib with my hand on her back, slowly inching it off her). It started when she was 10 weeks old. She even stopped taking bottles from my husband & my mother. (I was breastfeeding, but pumped sometimes for a break or so I could leave her.)
The Ped. was sure "the crying would stop eventually". Let me tell you...No. It doesn't. Not with this one. Even now, she's almost 4...When she gets started it goes on & on. I can tell she tries to hold in the noise now...but her chest still heaves & her little crocodile sized tears are like a faucet.
A few times to try and "teach" her about letting mom do things while she occupied herself I would put her in the living room...Let her get comfortable on the floor with toys...Even turn on some distracting cartoons. And then go in to the kitchen to clean. And she would start crying. And she would stand there at the baby gate, arms outstretched while I cleaned the kitchen. From top to bottom. Taking time out to even clean the drawers, rearrange the silverware (I was convinced if I spent enough time in there, the crying WOULD eventually stop! The doctor had said it would...). I did everything I could think of. She cried...ACTIVELY CRIED for 3 freaking hours straight. Then I Just stood in the kitchen. I looked at her, I talked to her (mind you, I was talking to her the whole time, she could always see me). "You're gonna be fine, you have TOYS to play with and a snack...and look it's cartoons on TV! SO MUCH FUN!" She wasn't buying it. Finally I went over the gate, picked her up, and she instantly stopped crying. She was still hiccuping for a while...But she wasn't crying anymore. Her face was all blotchy & purple from crying. She refused to sleep (but not to nurse)...and remained awake, with her hands gripping any part of me she could manage for the next 6 hours. My husband came home from work...She refused to go to him...I could hold my arms straight out to the sides and she would still be hanging on. I didn't even have to hold her anymore - she clung to me on her own. The next 72 hours were Hell. She was convinced I was going to force her into separation again. A wrap (sling) was something we couldn't live without. She wouldn't even let my mother hold her until she was a year old. We lived 5 houses away from my mom...we saw her all the time. It's not as if grandma was a stranger! Some babies just NEED that contact...whether mom likes it or not. I dunno about you...but 3-4 hours of crying? No thanks. Especially if all it takes is for me to touch my kid!
Even now...I can't just leave her. There's this whole "process" to get out the door without tears. I don't do it b/c I'm "okay" with it...I do it b/c it's the only thing that works.
- June 29, 2011 at 9:26 AM
- Sally T. said...
AMEN to the permissive parenting NOT being attachment parenting.
I'm not sure what method I do. I mix and match and put together what works for me. I did co-sleeping with my first but crib for my second - each method worked for the particular child involved. I breastfeed 90 percent of the time, but my baby gets an average of 2 ounces of formula a day, because I hate breast-pumps and want to be able to leave for a couple of hours if I need to. My two year old gets time outs, picks up her own toys, and practices good manners. She also throws tantrums that I sometimes must walk away from instead of challenging. The reward is when she puts her arms around me and says, "I love you so much, Mommy." And I know she's safe, happy, and secure.
- July 2, 2011 at 9:31 AM
- Garden Pheenix said...
Excellent post. Articulately stated. <3
- July 20, 2011 at 3:50 AM
- Janet said...
You are a talented writer, my friend. You often state so perfectly the many thoughts/feelings that I have spinning around in my brain but can't seem to communicate clearly--without significant effort at least. :) Someday I hope to get my brain back . . .
- August 8, 2011 at 3:22 PM
- Thoughtful Birth said...
Up until now I thought that the only people who see AP as permissive are the ones who think you shouldn't let a newborn cluster-nurse at bedtime because "she needs to learn that she can't always get what she wants." :P
I don't think there's anything permissive about AP. It's about building a solid foundation of mutual trust and respect. Giving an infant "everything he wants" isn't permissive--it's teaching him that he can trust you to meet his needs and try to understand his communications. Then, based on that foundation and as your child matures, you start meeting his need for logical, consistent guidance, including rational consequences, as you start teaching him about respect for others, personal responsibility, and other virtues.
As another commenter mentioned, I think many parenting problems happen when we try to find some set of rules we can always follow, instead of recognizing that we really do have to be thinking and adjusting all the time as our children grow.
- September 9, 2011 at 12:00 AM
- youngsjess said...
I hadn't really thought of AP as being "permissive parenting", but after reading Globetrotter's comment, I get it.
Discipline is a form of systematic instruction intended to teach, while punishment is inflicted suffering as a penalty for wrong-doing. Time-outs can be either, depending on how they are used. Yelling "go to your room" after a child disobeys is punishment. Removing a child from a situation that has become emotionally overwhelming in order to give them the opportunity to cope without "acting out" is a form of discipline. And it actually does a small child a great service to show them this.
Self-control does not come naturally, and children depend on us to demonstrate it not only with our own behavior, but by stepping in taking control for them when they have lost their own. The difference can sometimes be as simple as the expression on your face, the tone in your voice, and your semantics. But don't ever underestimate the sigificance of those small things with a child. They sometimes ARE the difference between punishing and teaching.
And helping a child to develop social skills uch as understanding when it is appropriate to be loud and boisterous, and when it is more considerate to be still and quiet, is NOT raising them to mindlessly obey authority. Social awareness is very important, and again, it's not something that comes naturally. We demonstrate these customs because it eases interactions with others. Just like the unspoken expectation that if I say "Hello" and extend my hand, that the friendly recipient will say "Hello" as well, and extend his, makes it much more comfortable for people to approach one another......it's not meant to be oppressive, it's meant to serve as a guideline for communications and interactions between people who are not familiar with one another. Many societal expectations are just extensions of the same concept, and we do our children a disservice by not familiarizing them with this.
A child can behave in socially acceptable ways WITHOUT being a robot. And can learn to think freely and ask questions without being ignorant to social customs.
- October 27, 2011 at 6:00 PM
- Natka-Kanadka said...
Great post! And YES, attachment parenting doesn't equal permissive parenting, or at least it shouldn't.
I am an AP Mom, but I also discipline and have certain expectations of my children (age appropriate). I believe the great thing about AP is that you get to know your children very well and understand why they behave a certain way. Definitely helps with disciplining them!
Also, since you respect your child, they respect you. You can always explain why you want them to behave a certain way in certain places and they accept it, because they trust you. Kids want to please their parents, especially when they are little. You just need to learn to "read" them and make "pleasing the parent" possible.
I get a lot of comments from people on how well behaved and polite my boys are (they are 5 and 2.5). And the thing is, my boys don't need to act out to get my attention - I attribute that to the bond we developed through AP while they were babies.
The more I research attachment theory and attachment parenting, the more I see it work in my family, the more I love it! :)
- December 3, 2011 at 6:27 AM
- Follower Of Christ said...
Thank you so much for giving such a wonderful and NORMAL example of AP! I always feel like I don't fit in because I choose to discipline my children. Apparently, discipline is not Peaceful Parenting and thus not true AP. I have struggles like you and feel reassured to know that I am not alone. I have four children (4 and under) and am very proud of how well behaved they are : ) They frustrate me to no end some times but I'm proud of my children!
- December 6, 2011 at 1:37 PM
- Beckula said...
I think this is great post but I do have a caveat. The problem with labeling some Parents as being permissive and assuming that their children act out because of a lack of discipline is that you don't really know what the deal is all the time. My kids are often the wild ones. I do my best but they both have invisible special needs, my oldest has moderate developmental delays and my middle is on the ASD. No amount of discipline/time outs are going to get them to understand why they can't do something that stims them, such as shrieking, or tearing up plants. I have to remove them from the situation and distract, distract, distract, which probably looks like me being permissive. Its exhausting and often I just opt out of events because something always goes wrong and I feel judged. Its a craptastic place to be and super lonely, and since my Kids don't have any physical special needs often I feel as if others think I just made it all up. Please remember this when you all set to dismiss some AP Parents as permissive that they might not have much of a choice.
- December 6, 2011 at 3:35 PM
- zipline said...
I am way past the parenting time (grandparent of 6!). I work with children of all ages, birth to college, in several settings. Through the years, there has been many labels to parenting styles, but, I believe the basics have stayed the same.
Remember your goal: Our goal was well-adjusted, happy adults that give back more to society than they take....Long term. I am glad to say, we met that goal with all three.
Your child needs to learn independence. This is a must! The later this starts, the harder it can be.
It is really sad when I see 3-5 year old children that cannot be 15 feet away from mom (sometimes dad...90% its mom) for a swim class. And mom makes it worse, by making over the child and giving attention for unwanted behavior. I have to question, who is getting the most out of this relationship----mom or child?
I have seen this continue through High School and beyond. I know one family that now has a 20 something son and daughter still at home, not in school and not working, and yes mom and dad still do everything for them......
Keep the end in mind.
I have 330 years experience in youth and family ministry. The advice I give parents to think about: "The letting go process takes about 16 years, no matter when you begin. So, for your child, begin at the age of 2. Start teaching age appropriate independence and responsibility. That way you child is ready for college at 18." By the freshman year in HS, they should have control of about 50% of their schedule, by their senior year, they should have control of 90% of their schedule. The other 10% is what over laps with the rest of the family. I see parents still controlling 90% or better of their senior's life, then drop kick them to college, and wonder why they fail. Let them fail at home, and teach them to pick themselves up. In other words, DO NOT rescue them at every turn! Failure in Elem/Jr/Sr HS is a lot easier to over come than failure in college or the adult world.
As for co-sleeping: As a 25 year paramedic/FF who had to attempt to resuscitate many infants that were co-sleeping with a parent, and died when the parent rolled on to the infant....this is something I could never do or recommend. Think about the tragedy that could happen....is it worth the risk?
I enjoyed parenting, and enjoy grandparenting 10 times more.....
- March 9, 2012 at 9:58 PM
- Em said...
My son is 2.5 now. Up until 18 mos. of age he was a delight. Well behaved in restaurants, able to play quietly, helped pick up toys, etc.
Then it was as if a switch flipped. He became combative, violent. Instead of wanting to please he wanted to displease. I had great success with "love and logic" style methods (time out, rational consequences) until he was about two. Now nothing works. He won't ever stay still unless he's sleeping. He won't read or play quietly in church. He is very independent and he is very stubborn. As an example in a store recently he began screaming. I took away his book as punishment. He continued screaming. I put my hand over his mouth- he continued screaming. I told him he would lose play doh privileges for the day unless he stopped- he continued screaming. So we left as quickly as could be managed with a cart full of groceries...with him screaming full tilt. It's embarassing for me and I get lots of dirty looks from people, but honestly, what else can I do? I can't duct tape his mouth.
What can you do when NOTHING works?
- May 12, 2012 at 6:37 AM
- Jess said...
May I suggest a great book? I was in your same camp (time outs, punishments and rewards, etc.). Till I read "unconditional parenting" by alfie kohn. The baby book by dr. Sears was so great for my infants, and this book helpedme so much with my relationship with my older kids when nothing else was helping. P.s. my kids (6,3,1) are not wild- justask THEIR Sunday school teachers :)
- June 16, 2012 at 11:36 PM
- Jess said...
- June 16, 2012 at 11:40 PM
- Elizabeth said...
thanks for the book recommendation. Nothing seems to work with my 5yo, so as soon as I move and have a new address, I'm going to order it! She's not wild, we just have communication issues :)
- September 18, 2012 at 12:41 PM


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A record deal, the Bard, and bye to L.A.
After two weeks of staring at Hollywood stars and all that comes with them — hot fashions, toned bodies and some disturbing facelifts — it's great to be home hugging my husband and catching up with our own celebrities. For instance ...
It's official! Fifth Harmony, the all-girl group featuring San Antonio singer Ally Brooke that made the final three of "The X Factor," has inked a deal with Epic Records and Simon Cowell's own Syco Music.
On Twitter, Cowell said of his female quintet: "To all the harmonizers. Thank you for all the support. Happy to confirm we have signed Fifth Harmony ... Maybe it's time for a large dose of girl power."
Brooke's reaction? "OMG!!" she said on Twitter the other day. "I'm so looking forward to working with the great Mr. L.A. Reid and of course my uncle Simon!"
It also was a kick hearing Fifth Harmony's contagious rendition of Ellie Goulding's "Anything Could Happen," which repeatedly played during breaks in Fox sessions at the winter TV press gathering.
But before I leave behind the Television Critics Association tour in Pasadena, Calif., there were moments that still make me smile.
Taking down 'Downton'
Taking down 'Downton'
The rapier wit of Jeremy Irons supplied needed laughter in the weary final days. He came for a PBS session for a new series, "Shakespeare Uncovered" (at 9 p.m. Fridays), which features six actors, including Irons, talking about their portrayals of the Bard's most memorable characters.
His merry digs at the popular "Downton Abbey" brought the biggest laughs. With Shakespeare, "it's practice, practice, practice," he said. "You can't sort of mutter it in a sort of 'Downton Abbey' way." Later, he quipped that "Downton" is like the Ford Fiesta of British drama. "A Ford Fiesta will get you there and give you a good time. But an Aston Martin ... "
He eventually confessed he actually had never seen "Downton" and just made the remarks to "stir the pot." "I'm conscious that you've all been here for 14 weeks (actually days, though it felt like weeks)," he explained, "and I think we just need to keep you awake."
The best moment? When I approached the dashing actor afterward and shared thoughts on Showtime's "Lolita" of 1997 — which starred Irons and was partly filmed in San Antonio — and he warmly took my hand. Sigh.
Urban and S.A.
Urban and S.A.
When I introduced myself to Keith Urban at a Fox party, the new "American Idol" judge brightened. "Beautiful part of the world, San Antonio," the country artist said in his charming Aussie accent. The Alamo City, as you well know, was among this season's audition locales. "We spent two lovely days there," he said of his S.A. stop, when he and fellow judges Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj and Randy Jackson determined which contestants here were golden ticket-worthy.
Another fond memory? Playing with his band at John T. Floore Country Store in Helotes. "What a great place!" Urban recalled.
Incidentally, tonight's "Idol" auditions take us to Charlotte, N.C. — you know, the scene of the infamous knock-down, drag-out between Carey and Minaj.
Bell's baby
Bell's baby
I stopped to chat with a very pregnant Kristen Bell ("Veronica Mars," "House of Lies") and she, too, perked up at the mention of San Antonio. After all, her dad, WOAI News Director Tom Bell, lives here.
So, when will he see his grandbaby? "In the spring," she said. However, she wouldn't budge when I asked her the girl-or-boy question. "We," she said, meaning herself and "Parenthood" actor Dax Shepard, "have to keep some secrets."
Quaid's surprising accessory
Quaid's surprising accessory
Houston native Dennis Quaid, looking every inch the cowboy at the "Vegas" set in Santa Clarita, Calif., talked about how his Texas upbringing was fine preparation for his role as legendary Las Vegas sheriff Ralph Lamb in the CBS drama. "My grandfather had a farm in East Texas; I was around a lot of horses and went to rodeos. I basically learned how to fall off a lot, which was good preparation," Quaid said.
Wearing worn cowboy boots that once belonged to the real Lamb, Quaid completed the picture by saying, "I'm old school. I stay off the Internet as much as possible."
However, what didn't quite fit his "old school" image was the thing he kept puffing on: an electronic cigarette. "It's a different way to smoke, a safer way," Quaid said, adding: "There's no secondhand smoke for anybody."

subset: commoncrawl


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Bill to Balance Child Custody Good for Children of Divorce, Society
In Pierre, Monday, the Senate State Affairs Committee agreed to send to the Senate floor, SB 125. This bill deals with the delicate, tricky, and usually very stressful issue of parenting the kids after a divorce.
For the record, I am a guy, be aware I may have some bias on this issue. However, I don't think my bias is stronger than a female. Also, any bias I may have is much less than those dastardly lawyers who financially benefit when couples "duke" it out in divorce proceedings. They get paid by the hour, you know. Many of the lawyers who benefit from the current biased system, testified against this bill.
As the presumed "Nurturer in Chief" mom has usually gotten custody and control of when and if dad can see the kids. Tandem with that assumption is this: Dad just needs to provide the child support and his interaction with the children is inconsequential. So every few weeks, for a few days is enough.
Scientific studies now prove the importance of dad in a child's life. The shooter at Sandy Hook had little contact with his father. Prisons are full of people who say they didn't have a dad in their life. Dads are important.
SB 125 will balance the scale in court when it comes to custody and parenting time. It creates a "Shared Parenting" foundation. An abusive parent will be discovered, and held accountable. Currently, mom has the advantage and most of the control. That is unfair to dad, the kids, and society.
Most states have some form of "Shared Parenting" in their lawbooks.
Senate Bill 125 should become law in South Dakota. .


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The forward will meet with his manager at Carrington this week and again tell the new Old Trafford boss that he wants to leave the club in order to join Chelsea this summer
By Jonathan Birchall
David Moyes will this week come face to face with Wayne Rooney for the first time in nearly a month as the pair prepare for crunch talks over the forward's Manchester United future.
Rooney, who has been in rehabilitation at the club's Carrington training base following a hamstring injury sustained two days into United's pre-season tour of Asia and Australia, has agreed in principle to join Chelsea for £200,000-a-week. Moyes, however, insists that the 27-year-old is not for sale under any circumstances and the Premier League champions have dismissed an offer of £20 million from the Stamford Bridge outfit.
Now, the pair will sit down for talks this week. Moyes is set to reiterate that he wants the England star to remain a United player, while Rooney remains intent on leaving.
They must also assess and decide whether the striker can travel with the squad ahead of the club's next pre-season friendly in Stockholm on August 6. Despite the propaganda frenzy, it is not yet certain whether Rooney can or will travel.
Despite reports to the contrary, though, the pair's relationship is cordial. They may not have met in person since July 11 due to the club's exhaustive tour of Thailand, Australia, Japan and Hong Kong, but they have spoken over telephone, in conversations that were described as "amicable" by club sources. Moyes took the opportunity to clarify quotes to the press in which he described the striker as a "back-up" to Robin van Persie, insisting to Rooney that those quotes were taken out of context and that he remains a key member of his squad.
Yet Rooney, despite appreciating his manager's gesture of goodwill after having made it known that Moyes had left him "angry and confused", has maintained that he wants to leave following a season in which his relationship broke down with Sir Alex Ferguson and the United hierarchy.
Moyes, meanwhile, has been on the charm offensive. He has peppered the "brilliant, outstanding, exceptional" Rooney with compliments to the press throughout the club's pre-season tour.
It is rank politicking. While Rooney has trained and recovered largely alone over the past three weeks, friendly but distant with Carrington staff, Moyes and executive vice chairman Ed Woodward have privately discussed his exit from the club.
Some at Carrington believe his best days are gone for good. The club simply do not want to offer him a long-term contract.
However, despite an intense and rather ugly spout of media briefings from United, Chelsea and Rooney's camp a fortnight ago, the latest line from Manchester and west London is the same. No news. No bids. Deadlock as it stands, with a saga running until the very last throes of the transfer window appearing ever more likely.
A complicated and drawn out game is developing. Chelsea know they must pay more than their most recent offer of £20m and are willing to do so to facilitate a move, but have been left waiting on United and Rooney's camp themselves. The forward asked England colleagues Frank Lampard and Ashley Cole about Mourinho, while admitting to friends that he will have to submit a transfer request to secure a move. He, like Chelsea, is open to the idea but has been told to stay patient by agent Paul Stretford, who remains wary of his client's public reputation – already sullied in the eyes of many United fans.
Moyes knows that Rooney cannot be sold without at least one major transfer arriving at Old Trafford beforehand. Having missed out on Thiago Alcantara and with their pursuit of Cesc Fabregas growing increasingly futile, United's great hopes this summer, publicly paraded, risk proving both unsuccessful and even embarrassing. The former Everton boss is keen on bringing both Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines to United, but such is the new regime's desire to make a statement of intent that the big, Hollywood names continue to be linked. Moyes' admission that the Fabregas chase could soon be over was used to temper the fans' great expectations.
And yet despite the stalled rhetoric and glacially-paced game of tit-for-tat, one man perseveres in driving a potential move: Jose Mourinho.
The new Chelsea boss has made clear to the Stamford Bridge hierarchy, including owner Roman Abramovich, that Rooney is his number-one target this summer. Behind the scenes, the self-proclaimed Special One is pulling out all the stops to bring the forward to west London.
Mourinho feels that Rooney's pace and power would enable him to fit neatly into the sit-and-sting 4-2-3-1 approach that brought him so much success in seasons past. Flanked by the likes of Oscar and Eden Hazard; the United man would be the focal point of the Portuguese's new Chelsea side.
The financial and political significance of Rooney at Old Trafford in an unprecedented summer of transition for the Premier League has created a perfect storm from which all parties could benefit; Rooney wants out, United are open to selling and Chelsea will pay the asking price. But it is a storm that all parties are looking to weather their own way. Moyes and the forward's meeting this week is the next step in the process. Mourinho will sit, wait and see if either man blinks.
The multi-million pound game of chess is well under way.


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Martina McBride Returns With Soulful, Self-Released Covers Set 'Everlasting'
When Martina McBride started looking for material for her next album, she turned to the great soul singers Aretha Franklin and Etta James for inspiration.
The country singer, known for her huge soprano voice, is self-releasing "Everlasting" on March 4, an album of classic soul and R&B songs made famous by the likes of Franklin and James, and Elvis and Van Morrison.
"It seemed interesting," she said. "And as a singer, really challenging and fun, too, to push my boundaries a little bit and tackle some of these classic songs and performances."
McBride often performs cover songs, everything from traditional country standards to 1980s rock. But she found that the soul songs her parents listened to at home aren't that different from the songs she made her career on.
"In a way this music is so similar to country music in that it just has emotion and soul," McBride said. "That's what I look for when I look for my own songs, something I can sing with a lot of emotion. There's a heartbeat to this music."
She recorded with Don Was, the prolific Detroit producer who has worked with The Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan, at Blackbird Studio in Nashville.
"We didn't necessarily have every song buttoned up before we went into the studio, which I love, because I love the spontaneity of recording something kind of spur of the moment," said McBride, who recorded with a very small band.
On some of the songs, Motown-style horn sections and background vocals were added as tribute to the original recordings. On others, she puts her own mark on the songs. On her version of "I've Been Loving You Too Long," McBride sings along to a simple guitar track instead of the swelling horns in Otis Redding's song.
Martina McBride: My Grammy Moment
"Like the song is so intimate, I picture the song as two people alone in a bedroom, you know, talking about a pivotal moment in their relationship," she said. "And so my instinct told me that it should be kind of quiet and intimate, like you're listening in on a conversation."
McBride also knows how to make a covers album successful. "Timeless," her 2005 country cover songs album, went platinum and was one of the fastest-selling albums of her career.
"It's an instinct thing," she said. "You don't want to make a karaoke record. You don't want it to sound exactly like the original and then you don't also want to make it so different that it's unrecognizable because these songs are sacred to a lot of people."


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Photos of Tenn-Ren, May 21, 2011
2006 Tennessee Renaissance Festival
2007 Tennessee Renaissance Festival
2008 Tennessee Renaissance Festival
2009 Tennessee Renaissance Festival
2010 Tennessee Renaissance Festival
What fun! I haven't been to Scarborough Renaissance Festival down in Waxahachie for many years, but we always enjoyed the experience.
Thank you for such lovely pictures...I always love reading about your adventures. :)
Blessings always
Genevieve this is awesome! I very much enjoyed it :)
And MAN was Renaissance Festival a blast!
I had a great time at the Bristol Faire in Wisconsin--about 45 miles of me.
CONTENTMENT: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry, live simply, expect little, give much, sing often, pray always, forget self, think of others and their feelings, fill your heart with love, scatter sunshine. These are the tried links in the golden chain of contentment.
(Author unknown)
IT IS STILL BEST to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasure; and to be cheerful and have courage when things go wrong.
(Laura Ingalls Wilder, 1867-1957)
Thanks for reading.


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34 User Reviews of Atlantica Cruise Ship
Third Costa Cruise, may very well be our last!
This ship when brand new must have been spectacular, too bad they don't seem to be able to keep it clean. Dirty windows, dirty carpet, dirty drapes, furniture, Sticky tables to eat or just read or play games on. But it had some good points as well and I'll discuss them first but it will be hard to do considering the limitations and exceptions we noted.
Our dinner waiter and bus boy were outstanding! They always remembered to bring my wife and I a pitcher of Iced tea at dinner and plenty of cream (not just milk) for our coffee. The Dinner entree choices were very limited, and no steak or lobster was ever offered to us. What they did make available was generally very tasty, though often the meat was overcooked and tough. The limited choices available for appetizers, soups, salads, pasta and desserts, however, were generally very good. Just don't count on Haute cuisine or many options.
The cruise staff, those people who provide daily activities, danced with the passengers in the ballroom dancing lounge and participated in a few of theshows, were probably the hardest working group we've ever had. They did their best to keep us entertained. That said, however, there were many long periods during the day when no planned activities were available on the ship. Thank goodness they provided us with a scrabble game to use while on board.
If you love Ballroom dancing either as a participant or as a watcher, this is your ship. All evening long, every evening you could dance your night away. Unfortunately that was about all you could do. Don't get me wrong, they did have shows every night but not all were worth attending. For example, the first night they showed a Frank Sinatra concert movie. That's it, a 45 minute movie of a 1970's concert. There was the obligatory crew show, the passenger talent show, three song and dance shows performed by the on-board troupe (who were good but not spectacular), and only three "professional" acts (one magician, one soul-gospel singer who sang as loudly as she could to make up for her merely adequate voice, and an Italian crooner who couldn't hold a long note.) In ten days only three (two mediocre) professional acts? That's what you might expect on a seven not a ten night cruise. The cruise staff did on several evenings put on games for the cruisers and did their very best to make them amusing and fun events. Overall, there was little to do in the evenings unless you like to dance or if you like to spend a lot of money drinking, drinking at the many bars on the ship where they did provide musicians and sometimes singers to entertain you. But for those who don't or can't drink a lot, all you were left to do is gamble in the casino.
The rooms, we had an inside room. were adequate in size, larger than on some ships we traveled and the water pressure of the shower was among the best we've experienced. The TVs were relics of the 80's or 90's and were both poor in visual and audio quality. The cabin steward did an adequate job, but did nothing exceptionally well and had to reminded several times to bring us extra towels. The level of cleanliness was barely adequate, as ground-in dirt was evident everywhere you looked.
This is an international ship. Those of us from the US were in the minority. 80% (or more) of the passengers were European, with Italians and Germans accounting for the majority of the European passengers. Hence all announcements had to made in FIVE languages, Italian (this is of course an Italian ship) German, French, Spanish and English. Problem was the crew, who is mostly Italian, when speaking in English, did so with a hard Italian accent, putting emphasis on the wrong syllables and often speaking English at the same very fast rate Italian is spoken (English and German are among the slowest spoken languages) AND to complicate matters more, once the Italian and German messages were read, those passengers would begin to engage in conversation thus drowning out the messages spoken in the other three languages. Only when the made the announcement first in English, or right after the French and/or Spanish language messages were spoken, did we have a decent chance to hear our English spoken messages. PS most of the English speakers on board were Canadian. They were a great group of people to hang out with and we often formed teams of "North Americans" to compete against the Italians and Germans during the games of skill and knowledge put on during the day light hours. If it wasn't for our Canadian friends we would have had difficulty in finding any English speakers on board, though Costa did their best to try to seat people at the restaurants by the language they spoke, and organize the excursions similarly. Then there is one more observation we made about our Italian and German shipmates. Many, many many of them were rude, often pushing and elbowing you out of the way to get to something they wanted, to get a head of you, cutting in on lines, etc. Generally they were both obnoxious and unaware of the words "excuse me" (or the German or Italian counterparts which sound very much like excuse me). If those of us from the US are the so called "Ugly Americans", then the Germans or Italians should be known as the "Medusan Europeans!" Be prepared. I'm originally from the NY metropolitan area so I know how to apply defensive skills when I have to and I found myself resorting to them way too often.
We had two life boat drills while on board. I wonder why? Could the Concordia incident have anything to do with that?
Food other than dinner. Breakfast - unless you waited on line at Omelet Station in the buffet restaurant the eggs were usually runny and undercooked. The bacon was dead the sausages undercooked and everything was luke-cool (luke-warm would have given it more credit than it deserved) to downright cold. The restaurant was no better for breakfast. No cream only milk or skim milk for coffee. No pancake syrup for the cold tough pancakes and french toast. An overall underwhelming experience. Lunch - In the Restaurant was not bad. Food often was warm. Variety was very limited but it was warm. At the buffet, well it often looked as bad as it tasted. Best lunches we had were off the ship in port! Midnight buffet - what buffet? There was none! They served the leftover pastries from Dinner and only at the Casino. Wonder why they make you go to the casino to get them, hmm, could it be they wanted you to gamble! There was a pizza station at night, but usually it was a simple cheese pizza or vegetable pizza, rarely did it contain any meat toppings. Oh, if you wanted ice tea at night, you had to hunt for it and often there was none. So your choices were plain water or Soda at $2.75 plus tip (added automatically to the cost) per CAN of soda!
There was no soda package for adults and if you wanted a drink package each member of your party, whether they drink or not, had to buy it at $26/day for every day of the cruise. This was considered an 11 day cruise and that meant shelling out over $275 per person. Or you could buy individual cocktails at $7.80 (plus the mandatory tip) per drink.
Despite the above, we liked the ports we went to and we meet some very nice people on board which made the journey a pleasant one despite the shortcomings of the ship.
One final point and it is a personal issue that upset me and may or may not seem to be a big deal to others considering cruising on a Costa ship. On the 7th day of the cruise my foot was injured when the plastic drainage grate surrounding the hot tub collapsed as I tried to enter the hot tub. I believe that the individual 8" long grate pieces which were held in-place by plastic male connectors fitting into the female receptacles of the next piece of grating had broken repeatedly before I tried to enter the hot tub. Each time breaking of more and more of the male connectors until there weren't enough to maintain the structural integrity of the grates. My foot was cut in two places and pieces of the few remaining male connectors broke off and punctured my foot. I had to receive medical attention by the ship's doctor who had to remove these pieces of plastic where they punctured my foot. The medical treatment I received was very good.
I understand accidents can happen, but the ship's crew needed to have repaired this grate long before I stepped on it. Even after my accident, they merely shifted the pieces of the grate around, leaving gaps in the grate, where another incident like mine could happen. What upsets me the most was at first the ship's Purser told me that I would be charged for the medical treatment I received (which turned out to be wrong as I was reassured 12 hours later by the Ship's Chief Medical Officer that I would not be charged since my injury was not my fault), but even worse, neither while on board the ship or to this day (6 days after I disembarked) has anyone from the ship's crew (company) or from Costa (or its parent company Carnivale) contacted me to ask me how I was feeling or doing!! Even though I filled out the ship's Security accident report, not one word!! Its as if they simply don't care. Maybe they don't!
Overall, a disappointment. Selected Costa Atlantica "Colors of Fall" cruise for the price and itinerary. You get what you pay for. Although the cruise started in Canada and finished in NY city, over half the passengers were Italian-speaking only, with French, Germans, Koreans, Japanese and only a few Americans. Absolutely no english TV programs or news in cabins. Terrible Cruise Director who addressed everybody and everything in 5 languages (boring and unnecessary). Very noisy cabin (oceanview) that was penetrated by booming bass from DJs/bands in two lounges...kept us up everynight til 1:00 AM or later. Evening food was OK, some excellent. Breakfast buffet was bland, unchanging, and many foods cold. Cabin steward and servers at dinner were excellent, one of the few bright things. Photographers everywhere for unwanted pictures. A few good evening production shows, but most entertainment average. No live music in shows, but much recorded music and lip-synching. Overall, Costa does not compare with Holland America, Princess, Royal Caribbean, or other lines we've sailed.
Our embarkation went very well and we were delighted with our room, very similar in appearance to the Carnival line. Ports of call were perfect and most of all the entire staff from officers to crew were more than nice. Every one was polite and happy to answer all of our questions or requests. The food was fair although every dish was presented beautifully.
All in all, we had a nice vacation and the price was perfect.
Once again, we chose this cruise because it was one of the few package deals that departed from the Dominican Republic thus allowing us to stay at an "all-inclusive" resort for a second week. This was our second cruise on the Costa line and although there were a lot of similarities to that of our cruise on Costa Classica, we enjoyed this one even more. The package consisted of flight, cruise and hotel and was offered through Transat Holidays. This was not available on the Costa.com website but rather only found on the Costa.uk site. It's some sort of charter deal that can only be found this way. We departed from Toronto with a direct flight in Air Transat to La Romana DR. Our flight had been rescheduled from the original booking to arrive around 6:00 pm and the Transat staff was waiting to greet us on the tarmac. The drive to the pier was around 20 minutes and there was virtually no line once we got there. This was partially because this cruise had several embarkation ports and this was only a minor one (mostly for Canadians and Americans). Themajority of the passengers got on in Guadeloupe, as this was the embarkation port for Europeans and locals. Most of the passengers on Costa ships are European and it is rare to hear much English spoken. This doesn't bother us as we love to travel Europe and we are used to that multi-lingual atmosphere. Costa is not a "mint on the pillow" or "decorative animal towel" type of cruise, but we don't find the need for those incidentals but rather look for service and itinerary as the main attraction. After the customary Bon voyage photo we were quickly on the ship. The ship was clean and tidy and decorated nicely. The first thing we noticed was the full ship center atrium with the birdcage elevators zooming up and down. There were plenty of elevators throughout the ship and we never seemed to have to wait long to get one.
One of the nice features of this ship was that numbering of each floor at the elevators and stairways was printed in the carpeting. You easily knew what floor you were getting off at so you never made a mistake. Because the ship was not leaving until midnight, and most of the passengers were off on excursions, we took advantage of the empty ship to tour around and check it out. The pools were on the small side but plenty large enough to accommodate the busy periods. We found the variety of pools much nicer and more modern than Costa Classica. The multilevel spa and fitness center was exceptional and we used it daily. It's always nice when the treadmills are right at the front of the ship and this made morning entry into each port a panoramic treat.
The theaters were nice, but most shows filled up quickly so you have to give yourself time to finish dinner and get there. After the shows, there was always a lounge where the entertainment team would gather and create some fun with the passengers.
There were four of us traveling so we had two balcony cabins side by side. The divider between the balconies could be opened but only when in port. This was a bit of a disappointment but the configuration of the dividers didn't allow for the door to be completely out of the way. It was mostly designed for staff access rather than having four people sit and be in each other's company. There are cabins however with adjoining doors between them, and you must request these when booking. The cabin was quite spacious and almost as large as a mini suite on Princess ships. There was plenty of storage, a nice desk and a loveseat with a small table. As return guests (and Costa Club members) we were treated to a bowl of fruit and a welcome back note.
The only complaint I would have is that there was a slight but unpleasant odor in our room, for the first half of the cruise. It dissipated gradually each day.
The itinerary for this particular cruise was La Romana DR, Catalina Island DR, Tortola BVI, Castries St Lucia, Pointe-a-pitre Guadeloupe, Saint John's Antigua, and St. Maarten. We mostly took beach days but we also walked around most of the port cities. Catalina Island is normally just a beach day and Costa has the beach to itself. A BBQ is served along with musical entertainment and the beach chairs are included. Catalina Island is one of our very favorite beaches and we look forward to returning one day. Tortola BVI has upgraded the shopping experience since we were last there in 2005 and they now offer many small booths within walking distance from the ship. St Lucia offers shopping at the port and many varied excursions. There are plenty of taxis waiting to take you for much less than a Costa arranged excursion and it's a beautiful island that I would recommend seeing. The beaches are among our favorites in St Lucia as well. Guadeloupe was the only stop where there was very little to do within walking distance of the pier, so we only left the ship for a few minutes and then spent the day by the pool. We chose a 4-hour beach day in Antigua but for 51 Euros each ($150.00 for the 4 of us) we got a 1-hour drive to Half moon bay. A 2-hour stay and another 1-hour drive back to the ship followed. The beach doesn't have facilities and a chair rental was $6.00 each but they only had about 12 chairs so we couldn't get one. This was a complete rip-off by Costa and I've learned greatly about pre-booking excursions. It's best to do it without the ship and just watch your timing so you don't miss the departure.
St. Maarten is of course a great shopping experience. The water taxi takes you directly from the pier to the beach and from there; you can shop till you drop. We spent a little time at one of the casinos down town but were unsuccessful at winning the cruise fare back.
The final day is a half-day at sea and then we returned to the port of La Romana for our hotel stay at the Iberostar Hacienda.
One of the best things about cruising with Costa for us is the food. Every dinner was exceptional and the deserts were wonderful. We would like to see a little more seafood like Princess offers but when cruising Italian style, we have come to expect a superb cuisine all around. Costa Atlantica is a wonderful ship and we found the staff to be friendly and helpful (unlike some of the reviews we have read). I highly recommend you try it for a wonderful cruise experience with great value.
Everything started out great, but went downhill fast.
The embarkation was the best ever and the ship is the most beautiful ship I have been on. The room steward was fabulous and the cabin room (inside stateroom) was spacious and had tons of closet space. That is where it ended.
The staff was the grumpiest and most unpleasant staff I have ever experienced. I went to the omelet bar and the guy didn't ask me what I wanted on it, he just threw it together and tossed down the plate.
The crew was just awful! Dirty dishes, staff cutting me off or just plain ignoring me. There were little things lacking -- no English television programs, no chocolate on the pillow, no customer service, no information on shore/port things to do unless you buy one of their way overpriced shore excursions.
Some of the facilities were not working (cold Jacuzzi, steam room) and when I went to customer service (first time ever and I have cruised 5 times) I was barely tolerated. I even asked if it was because I was an American and it seemed as if Italians rule the ship. Theresponse was a shoulder shrug.
If you want to get anywhere on or off the ship you will need to learn to push and shove your way or you will be left behind by an Italian mob of passengers who make cutting in line and shoving an art form. Kids dominated the ship, and were left running up and down halls until 2:00 in the morning.
The food was horrible as were the shows and cruise director (Clem). I am very upset that I chose Costa. I have heard that the Costa ship sailing the Caribbean is much better, but in Europe it should stick to Italian passengers only because all of the crew and entertainment is there solely for their enjoyment and you can forget the Americans (we were even denied a tour in the Galley, when others were allowed).
On the plus side, the itinerary was great. I loved all of the ports from Norway, Scotland, and Dover, England. Great ports! I highly recommend the itinerary, but steer clear of Costa unless you are Italian and even then I would skip Costa. Never again.
Cruising Italian Style is a unique and interesting one.
This is my third time on Costa so I feel real confident sailing with them.
Embarkation was organized for the most part; the set up is similar to an airport except everyone is getting on the same ship. Once I arrived on the ship the interior decoration immediately stood out, there is Italian art work and furniture everywhere, beautiful to the eye. The crew are very nice people that are always eager to help you. I stayed in a category 10 which is an ocean view with a balcony; it was very nice and spacious. The dining was exceptionally good; I enjoyed the different types of foods they had to offer.
I know when you think Italian Cruise Line you think of Italian food, but they did have other choices that cater to your American taste. I don't gamble too much but if I was a high roller the casino would be more than adequate for me, they had almost every game you could imagine. The ports of calls were your usual Eastern Caribbean ports. However, I did make the very best ofit by taking shore excursions and having a good time with my wife (we were celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary). To sum it up, our trip with Costa was exciting as always and I cannot wait until our next cruise this summer when we go to the Greek Islands on the Costa Victoria. I would recommend this cruise line any day; they provide you with a European style of cruising which is a wonderful way to get away from your typical American lifestyle.
We just returned from our first with Costa. My husband and I absolutely love to cruise and were looking forward to trying a new cruise line.
We booked the largest cabin, the Grand Suite for our 1 week Western Caribbean adventure. We prefer to book better cabins because of the service and amenities that it usually entails.
The embarkation was simple, but when we found out that we had to wait in another line onboard to register our credit card, we knew why the embarkation lines were shorter than other cruise lines.
Our cabin was on the 8 1/2 deck, on the stern and it was fabulous. The bedroom was totally separate from the rest of the cabin. There was a large walk-in closet, dressing area, bathroom with jacuzzi tub, living room, TV in both bedroom and living area and the balcony was a large wraparound and we loved it. The bedding, toiletries, etc. were only mediocre compared to suites on other lines. We were very happy with our butler, Chris, who was very attentive. He helped to make our cruise more pleasurable.
The dining room was less-than satisfactory. Our 2nd nightwe waited an hour and 10 minutes and had only been served our appetizer. All the guests who were seated around us were already beginning dessert and we arrived before all of them. We complained and were assigned a new wait staff that were much better. The food is terrific. Lots of variety; not all Italian.
The room service was efficient and accurate.
The entertainment was so-so, but the classical music in Caffe Florian was divine. The cafe is an exact replica of the one in Venice. We spent many evenings enjoying cappuccinos (only $3 each) in Florian.
The ship is beautiful (Vegas-style) and was clean. It was the most stable cruise ship we had sailed on. The service was great.
All the announcements were in several different languages..after awhile it got annoying; especially during the lifeboat drill when we had to wait through the instructions in each language. There were many non-Americans onboard, but we enjoyed the mixed cultures. The toga night was a blast. We loved walking around and seeing that about 85% of the guests participated.
The ports of call were great, but in Key West & Jamaica, Costa had bad docks. The other cruises in port that day had the better docking locations.
For the price of this cruise, it was a terrific value. I would probably sail with Costa again, but only in a suite. Our butler really made the cruise for us; without him, we would have been disappointed. Don't expect a lot of special privileges as a Suite guest either.
This was our second cruise on Costa. We enjoyed our first on the Victoria and still have fond memories of it. Although we've been on 5 other cruises, no ship stands out in our memory like the Costa ships although the destinations certainly do. We sailed to relax and did'nt care about the excursions, having been to the Caribbean before. The Atlantica in out opinion is a beautiful ship. It looks like no expense was spared, especially in the various lounges. The Florian Cafe(a replica of the original in Venice) is a case in point with the marble, painted ceilings and portraits, the red velvet, the classical entertainment, all made for a pleasant venue to sit and relax. The show productions were probably the best we've seen on a ship, ie the staging, sound and lighting. The Chapel, though hidden in a corner of the ship is another beautiful rendition and the flagstone floored garden passage is wonderful. I used the 3 level exercise facility with hot tub at the front of the ship every day as well as the steam room and sauna.
I left the stateroom shower to mywife and luxuriated in the spa shower with its 5 shower heads. Everyone was friendly, service was good, the food variety was outstanding, quality was good except for most of the desserts which don't look or taste like what you expect.Anybody that complains, please don't come back. I heard someone complain about too many elevators because they had too many choices and often got on the wrong one. Oh well. There was a large Jewish group(served Kosher food) and Irish group(from all over the USA and abroad) on board, as well as Europeans. If you don't like to mix with other cultures and people, please go elsewhere. Boarding and disembarkation were well organized. The bottleneck was at Customs. Would we go on Costa again? You bet.
This was my second cruise, my husband's first. Embarcation was quick and smooth. As soon as we were on board, we were directed to deck 9 to partake of the lunch buffet. Shortly after lunch, we were able to go to our cabin. Our cabin number had been changed, as we had learned when checking our bags at the port. My friends had put the tags they received in advance on their luggage, and went to what they thought was their assigned cabin. When their luggage was delivered, her husband began unpacking. A little later, a couple showed up at their door, saying they were assigned to that cabin. My friends had to repack and move, as they had not known their cabin number was changed. Our sign and sail cards were on our bed, but my friends, who are both blind, hadn't noticed that their names weren't the names on the cards.
The cabins were very spacious. We had a balcony cabin, which we enjoyed very much. Our steward, Derick, was great, and always cheerfully greeted us when he saw us.
Like our friends, my husband and I are bothblind/visually impaired. I found it easy to get around the ship, but my husband, who has some vision, as well as my friend's husband, found the mirrored glass elevators very confusing. Our cabins were near the front of the ship. We usually took the front elevators to other decks that didn't have cabins, if we wanted to go to the middle or back of the ship, as the cabin halls were narrow, and often filled with cleaning carts and such, making it necessary to walk single file, rather than side by side.
On this cruise, English was the first language in which anouncements were made, followed by the same anouncement in French, Spanich, Italian, and German, interesting, but sometimes an aggrivation.
I wasn't as pleased with the food as I was on my other cruise. The first night, we went to the pizzaria. The only pizza selections available were cheese pizza and artichoke pizza. I like to have some meat on my pizza. The meals were alright, but I didn't have one thing that made me say "I've got to have that again"! My husband missed never having biscuits at breakfast. The wait staff was very accommodating, especially at lunch and dinner. Because buffets aren't as easy or convenient to manage, for people who are blind/visually impaired, we chose to eat most of our meals in the dining room. At breakfast, we often had to ask several times for beverages, orders were served incorrectly, but corrected when brought to the staff's attention, and portions varried, depending on how the food was ordered. When I ordered corned beef hash with toast, I got a nice portion of hash, but the day I addded a fried egg, I barely got a small spoonful of hash, added to the plate as an afterthought. The desserts were odd, in that some pies and cakes were served plain with a spoonful of spreadable something, in the flavor that was listed for the cake or pie. Because we weren't wowed with the food, we didn't spend extra money to have a meal at the Tuscan steakhouse, Club Atlantica.
We were generally happy with our bar drinks, and I enjoyed the virgin pina coladas, which I was able to get with drink tickets. There were two happy hours a day, so that was a treat. Rather than having a beverage card that could be purchased for the week, as Carnival did, one could purchase ten drink tickets for $25.30. These could be used for sodas and virgin drinks.
We didn't go to many of the late night shows, however my friends and I participated in the tallent show which didn't take place until 10:45 pm, and didn't end until a while after midnight. It was not your "run of the mill" tallent show. It was presented as if we were in a Roman colliseum. I won't give you specifics, as I don't want to spoil the surprise, in case you take the cruise, but if you're curious enough, you will find it in another review that is on the web.
My husband, friends, and I all enjoyed the on board shopping. The ship also had a shopping guide who seemed much like a walking, talking infomercial.
We were very impressed with our cruise director, Andrea. He wore many hats, and they all fit him well. He wseemed as comfortable hosting the Newlywed game as he was giving a lecture regarding `the Da Vinci code, mathematical theories and philosophy.
Disembarcation and embarcation at all the ports seemed very organized, and was no problem at all. Although there were sometimes communication burriers, we found all the crew to be friendly and ready to serve. We enjoyed our cruise, but I probably wouldn't cruise with Costa again. That seemed to be the centiment of most people with whom I spoke, who had cruised with other cruise lines.
This was my 14th cruise. It was the most disapointing cruise yet. In my opinion a cruise is the way to go on vacation. We take at least one cruise a year. This year we decided to try Costa Cruise Line. The travel agent said it was normally a European line for the majority of the year, In my opinion it could have stayed in Europe. We boarded and went to our cabin which was very nice. A large window and pleasent motif a nice size bathroom it looked like we were in for a wonderful week. When I used the bathroom the toilet would not flush. When we spoke to the front desk a person there told us "that happens but all would be fine after we were away from the dock". I questioned this and was told not to worry that it was normal. I have never had this happen before but took their word for it. After dinner when we returned to our cabin to check and see if we had received our luggage the bathroom was still not working. I mentioned this to a passingcabin steward and he told me to call in . I called and a very unconcerned person told me that they would get to it in a few hours. Now I was getting upset. I did not want to spend the evening in the cabin waiting for it to be fixed. It was finally fixed.
The next night was our first formal night. This is normally a dinner that is wonderful and sort of sets the standard for the week. Well I should have known when the escargot was served cold that we were in for trouble. I sent it back and then the second one was served not much warmer I gave up on that. The pasta was also not hot and the meat was over cooked. I ordered medium rare and got a well done piece of shoe leather. Desert was wonderful.
Our table of 7 asked if we could have cheese on the table when we arrived for dinner each night. Well it was never there despite our repeated requests. I gave up on the pasta after the 3rd night. I also requested iced tea be on the table each night it was never there when we arrived for dinner. On my past cruises the waiter and busboy made a point to learn our name, This also never happened on this cruise. Maybe the fact that they add the tip on the bill is the reason that the service was so bad, Sort of a why bother attitude.
The onboard entertainment was a suprise. The cruise director was a joke. Normally the after dinner shows are on a par with vegas shows. there was only one show that not perocial. I have seen more professional work done at the high school level.
The service in the lounges was poor. If you were not sitting at the bar you should go to the bar and get your own drink because the wait for a waiter was much to long.
We took a tour on each island and we were suprised to see that european passangers were given preferential treatment. Seperate locations to meet Special buses They were boarded first and from a seperate gang plank.
The ship itself is beautiful. The lounges are gorgeous. Too bad the service is not comparable. Needless to say I will never cruise Costa again.


text:
About Chris
Here's your shiny solution:
Acquired in Jan of this year, specializing in deep packet inspection gear.
SAIC via http://www.cloudshield.com/
Secondary liability for service providers on the internet amounts to outright censorship (by a private party) of possibly protected speech.
If the iPad were only meant to be a computer, running native applications written by whomever you choose (as it should, and cannot) then it would be a shitty, closed experience.
But it's not intended to be a computer (despite duplicating some functionality) - it's a web browser. One that you can hold; one that lets you touch the internet.
That's ridiculous!
Not in the slightest - copyright, in an of itself, is a violation of the First Amendment. By extension, and as illustrated above, the DMCA is clearly in violation of the same.
There's quite a bit of chaff in this comment thread.
I think the real issue here is that USTR Ron Kirk is as corrupt as they come.
"No one has any right to promote a third party's copyright."
Are you kidding? Anyone has absolutely every right to "promote" whatever the fuck they like. Crawl back under your bridge buddy.
All work is derivative.
The concept of royalties from the resale of media is downright humorous .. borders on fucking delusional.
I think this quote has been taken out of context, though I still find it rather disturbing.
I believe Schmidt was referring to the privacy of your web searches through Google, specifically in regard to how easily law enforcement can obtain those search records if they so desire. He's saying that you do not have a reasonable expectation of privacy when searching for, (for example,) "ways to kill your spouse", as that data is leaving your computer and your home, at which point it essentially becomes public info.
That said, I host my own email and always will.
It would mean that, for example, someone who has bought a CD would be able to copy it to their iPod or share it with family members without acting unlawfully.
Is this supposed to be a joke? I swear this shit makes me swing back and forth between disgusted disbelief and apathetic amusement. Peter Mandelson cannot legislate that everyone be as vacant as he - laws that go against common sense are ignored by everyone with any sense.
Kill 'em All
I jest, but I can certainly tell you that I'll not stop using "plugins" in my day-to-day programming activities.
The USPTO is completely inept, and seemingly corrupt as well. There are, quite literally, stacks of prior art pertaining to both this and Eolas' previously contested patent (re: MS.)
I'd argue that the placebo effect has gotten "stronger" precisely *because* the drug companies are spending so much on r&d. Their increasingly visible, huge investments, combined with more prevalent and "amazing" drugs (like Viagra, etc.) has increased people's faith that the new, expensive drugs are more effective.
I think pharma may be shooting themselves in the foot by doing such a "good" job.
That's incredibly broad wording.
We really do need to disband the USPTO.
Can't believe that any sane person would assign penalties of that size for copying 24 files, even if she lied about it. Actually makes me sick to my stomach. The jurors responsible for the verdict in this case should be shamed publicly.
I'm starting a torrent tracker out of spite.


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Paralegal Studies
College of Extended Learning
SF State Downtown Center
835 Market Street, 6th Floor
San Francisco, CA 94103
Phone: 415-817-4223
Fax: 415-817-4299
Web Site: www.cel.sfsu.edu/paralegal/
Program Director: Pat Medina
Program Coordinator: Baseemah Rahman
Certificate in Paralegal Studies
Program Scope
The Paralegal Studies curriculum is intended to provide a firm grounding in legal skills and in specific substantive areas of law for the undergraduate student as well as the person who is interested in becoming a paralegal. All course work is taught at the upper division level. The population served is adult, usually employed full-time, with considerable formal education (including a baccalaureate degree, in most cases). They have accumulated more life and work experience than the typical undergraduate.
The Paralegal Studies program is approved by the American Bar Association. This is the only ABA-approved paralegal studies program in San Francisco. The Paralegal Program began in 1975 and has continued a tradition of excellence up to the present.
Recent California legislation defines who may call himself or herself a paralegal and sets forth education criteria for paralegals. One of the criteria is graduation from a program approved by the American Bar Association. Please refer to the section on New California Legislation on Paralegals cited below.
California Legislation on Paralegals
The state of California has adopted legislation that defines the titles "paralegal" and "legal assistant" and sets educational criteria and continuing education requirements for paralegals. The San Francisco State University Paralegal Studies certificate program meets the educational requirements of the law by virtue of being offered by an accredited institution with an ABA-approved program, and consisting of more than 24 semester units of paralegal coursework. We also offer a series of paralegal continuing education courses to meet the continuing education standards established by the Business and Professions Code Section 6450 et. seq.
All courses in this program are taught by attorneys and/or paralegals with practical experience in their respective fields.
Career Outlook
Paralegals are employed in private and public interest law firms, corporations, banks, securities firms, government agencies, and regulatory bodies. The Bureau of Labor Statistics ranks the paralegal occupation as one of the fastest growing in the country. Recent state legislation requires that persons working as paralegals meet specified educational and continuing education requirements.
Certificate in Paralegal Studies
Admission to Program
Students are required to have a minimum of 56 semester or 84 quarter units of prior academic course credit to be admitted to the program. Students who hold a baccalaureate degree are automatically eligible for admission to the program. Students who do not have a B.A. but have the required units of academic college work are eligible if their college work includes at least 18 semester or 27 quarter units of academic general education with courses from at least three major disciplines and have completed those courses with a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or better. Students with at least three years of legal experience who have at least 45 semester or 68 quarter units of college work may petition for conditional admission. Transcript verifying units must be accompanied by an attorney declaration attesting to their legal work experience.
Writing Skills
Paralegal courses require strong writing skills. Certificate students who do not have a bachelor's degree must either pass the Junior English Proficiency Essay Test (JEPET), or a University approved Graduation Writing Assessment Requirement course (GWAR). PLS 414 GW: "Introduction to Professional Legal Writing" is an approved GWAR course and also counts as elective units in the program requirement.
A certificate is awarded upon successful completion of 30 units. The 30 units required to earn the certificate consist of five required courses and five elective courses.
Each course carries three units credit unless otherwise noted. For complete course descriptions, contact the program coordinator.
Required Courses:
Introduction to Law/Civil Procedure
Legal Research and Writing
Communications Skills and Legal Ethics
Pleadings and Motions
Investigation, Discovery, and Trial Preparation
Elective Courses: Advanced and Specialized Practical Courses
Administrative Law
Advanced Legal Research and Writing
Computer Applications *
Computer Applications II
Contemporary Legal Issues
Corporations Law
Criminal Law
Elder Law
Employment Law
Family Law
Paralegal Experience Internship
Immigration Law
Intellectual Property
Introduction to Professional Legal Writing
Probate Procedures
Real Estate Practice
Wills, Trusts, and Estate Planning
* required for students not working in law; elective for other students.
Non-certificate Students
If students wish to explore the legal field and want to take selected individual courses in the program, they may register for those courses, with the consent of the faculty member.
Also, those who already have experience in the legal field and who wish to take selected courses without applying to the program may register for courses with the permission of the individual instructor.


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When my new front-load washer arrives this week, my high-efficiency detergents won't see any action for at least another week. Why?
I'm going to wash all my clothes using the soap they already contain.
That's right. Clothes washed in top-load washers (like mine) generally contain enough soap residue in their fibers that will suds and finally rinse properly once washed in front-loader washers.
To wash, top-load washers completely fill their tub with water and push clothes around in the soapy water by the agitator (that tall thing with paddles in the middle). This would be like washing your hands by filling a sink with soapy water and swishing your hands around in it. Plus, older, top loading washers simply don't rinse as well and your clothes end up accumulating a decent amount of soap residue.
Don't believe me? Examine your dark clothes. Do they look gray or faded? That's soap.
Disgusting, huh? Now imagine how irritating all that soap is to your skin, too.
(Front-loading washers use far less water, only enough to get the clothes wet, which means they use less soap as well. Make sure you don't use too much soap or your washer could "oversuds," producing too much soap bubbles, which might not completely rinse out of your clothes, as a front loader washer is, again, designed to use minimal water. Saying that, they'll also rinse your clothes much better than a top load washing machine.)
So, I'm going to wash out all the soap left over in my clothes from my old washer using nothing but tumble action and water from a front loader washer.