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I'll blog more details about the trip later -
but for now here's my weekend in pictures!
Monday, December 24, 2007
My Weekend in NOLA - Photo Slide Show
I'll blog more details about the trip later -
Friday, December 21, 2007
I'm in a rediculously giddy mood today lol so I'm going to drown my blog in happy videos =) But they're great and make you feel good.. so watch them!!
Love, Joy, Peace & Hope
New Years Resolutions
One of the things in the books I've read that really stands out to me is the power of words. The power of their effect not only on others when spoken by you, but the effect that self spoken words have. I've struggled for as long as I can remember with depression, I've never really persued medical treatment or taken medication. I've gone to therapy here and there, but I've always been one of those people who believed that admitting I didn't have total and complete control over my life and my emotions was the same as admitting failure. And as a perfectionist with a mild case of OCD (obessive compulsive disorder) failure was not an option.
What I've come to realize is that no one is ever completely in control. We like to feel that we are, we like to give the impression to others, and to ourselves that we are, but in reality having everything totally, completely "under control" isn't entirely possible. What we CAN have under control though is our own response.. to the things we do have under control, the things we "think" we have under control, and the things we have absolutely no control over at all. As an intelligent, emotionally motivated human being I CAN control how and even IF I allow things to directly effect myself, my feelings, my mood and my life. There's a section in the book I'm reading now, "Friendship with God", that says that one of the ways to achieve true mastery over life - is to decide HOW you will react to a circumstance BEFORE it occurs.
For someone who's unexplainably more often sad that not, and always wishing she "could feel different" that's earth shattering. If what the speaker is saying in this book is real.. and possible, then everytime I've been sad, upset, hurt, angry, and any other emotion that I've felt as a reaction to something that's occurred in my life or something I felt someone "did" to me, I could have simply CHOSEN to feel another way. I know it's one thing to hear something like that.. you think sure.. that's easier said than done. No one WANTS to be angry, or hurt, or sad.. Everyone would CHOOSE to be happy and joyful all the time if they could... right? I mean wouldn't they?
Crazy as it may sound.. I'm thinking.. no.. more often than not they wouldn't. Why? Well because if we didn't feel hurt and angry when our boyfriend, husband, wife, cheated on us then we wouldn't have any "right" to say mean things to them, or to talk bad about them to our family, or expect other people to not like them because we were angry and hurt. I personally am not guilty of this one example - I went the extreme in the opposite direction actually - I simply accepted that what had happened happened, forgave him and went blindly on for many more months thinking things would work out, but it was the first example that came to mind. Something the key speaker in "Friendship with God" says is that as people, humans, a culture, a society in general we thrive on drama. Any kind of drama. He said this so I'm angry drama. She did that so I'm hurt drama. That friend wasn't there the way I thought they should be, so I'll never forgive them drama. The senarios are endless. And the more I think about it.. entirely too true.
I've always says that I hate drama, I moved 1100 miles away from my family so I could have a nice, quiet, peaceful, drama free life, and for the most part I did. I, like many others had relationship problems, and friendship problems, job problems, money problems, etc. And I got angry, sad, hurt, indignant.. you name it I've felt it. Most of us have. But think about it.. how much simpler would live have been if we'd chosen, instead of getting all riled up about something that happened - we'd stopped, taken stock of what had happened, considered the possible why's, who's, what's, where's etc of the event then said - Ok.. it is what it is, now it was what it is, and I'm moving on. Well that's what I'm deciding to do from here on out. That's my number one New Year's Resolution. Every morning when I get up I will say "I AM happy, I AM full of joy, I AM thankful for my life, my health & my intelligence, I AM BLESSED and I WILL remain that way regardless of what today brings my way." It sounds so rediculously easy doesn't it? To just DECIDE to be happy and full of joy. No Matter What. Well it's exactly what I intend to do.. and I'll let ya know how it goes along the way! =)
The video is something I found this morning while looking for a Christmas ecard I could post on here and my MySpace.. It's very simple and very deep.. and very how I plan to start my new year.. except that I'm not waiting until January 1 to do it... I'm starting Now.
Thoughts for the new year...
0 People who coughed on a furball
Labels: hope, love, peace, possibility, prosperity
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Random Bloggingness
New Orleans was a blast.. I'm waiting for my mom to e-mail the hundred or so photos I took and I'll write a follow up blog detailing all the interesting stuff we saw, and let me tell you, interesting doesn't even begin to describe some of the things we came across. I hadn't been to New Orleans since I was a small child. My grandparents took my cousin and I to the Audubon Zoo there when I was about 7 or 8. For some reason though I was completely unaware of just what Bourbon Street was all about.. but I'll save that for the My trip to NOLA blog.
I think today is just about the halcyon meanderings of my over stimulated brain. The off switch in the thinking part of my brain.. it's broken. Sunday I was talking to my mom and step-mom about sleep deprivation and they were talking about things they'd taken to help them sleep when they were stressed, or upset, or were for whatever random reason having trouble sleeping. I explained that I'd tried, Ambian, Rozeram (sp?), Lunesta, and about every over the counter sleep aid available with no success. My mom asks, "Is it your mind?". Then she suggested some Xanax or Valium as possible remedies. Gotta love my mom. My brain just never seems to shut off, never stops, never zones off into outer space thinking about absolutely nothing. I lack the ability to enjoy thought nothingness. I've recently begun reading about and practicing meditation before bed. It helps some, but I imagine it will take quite some time and practice before I can get to the level where I can really think about nothing. I'm not giving up hope though!! I will be able to be empty headed!! I'm determined lol. That sounds ridiculous. But trust me, if you've ever suffered from sleep deprivation, empty headedness sounds like a small slice of heaven on earth.
I go to bed usually between 9:30 and 10:30. I usually fall asleep between 11 and 12am. Then I usually wake up around 2, 4, 5:30, and finally I get out of bed at 6:20am. Sometimes I'm lucky and only wake up at 2 and 4. But it's very very rare that I sleep through the night. It's a very draining thing, exhaustion. It makes small things seem much bigger than they are, it makes it hard to concentrate and makes you much more susceptible to being annoyed and agitated by things than you usually would. I'm normally a pretty laid back person who doesn't let most things get to me. Waiting a long time in line at the store - makes most people angry, me.. eh I'll get to the checkout when I get there. Getting irate and talking about how slow and inefficient the checkout clerk is isn't going to get me there any faster and will only raise my blood pressure in the process, so why bother letting it bother me.
But lately I've been in a pretty consistent state of agitatedness. I know that's not a word, cut me some slack. I'm trying to make this interesting here. I'm pretty sure it's a result of the combination and build up of events since my wreck. Spending the holiday alone sucked.. a lot. Riding the bus for the past month.. well while it started out interesting and educational.. I'm over it now. I want my car back. I missed my bus yesterday morning and had to wait for the next bus an hour later. Then when I got to the mall for the connecting bus at 8:45am the sign said the bus I needed to get to my office didn't come till 10am. Grr, Argh, Ugh.. So I called my boss and he had Michael (the tech support guy) come get me.
I'm appreciative that I have the bus to get to and from work, I really am, and I have the utmost respect and admiration for the people who have been riding it for years. It's just not working for me anymore. Standing outside in 32 degree weather for 20-30 mins 4 times a day, then walking a half mile in that same weather wears on you.. FAST. I drove a car in Michigan for 4 winters with no heat. I would literally have to put my feet in front of a space heater when I got to work in the mornings for 10-20 minutes until I could feel my toes. I have a new car now.. WITH heat.. I don't want to be cold again.
Then I feel guilty.. there are people living outside in this weather, with no home, no coat, no job, no so many of the things I'm blessed to have. What right do I have to complain?! I know in my soul that everything that happens in life - however sucky it seems at the time - happens to give you an experience that will benefit you later in life. I just get tired sometimes. Other people seem to have life so easy. Great jobs they love, great husbands or wives, children, wonderfully happy close families. I've always been blessed with the ability to get by, I've always had just enough experience at a previous job to get me into a new job sometimes even in a completely different field and I know that so many things in my life have been blessings that have and are preparing me for some greater purpose. I get that.. I really do. I just wish sometimes I could have an easier purpose that didn't require going through so much stuff to get ready for. I honestly have no idea what my greater purpose is. I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
Neale Donald Walsch wrote a book called "Friendship with God" that I'm reading now. Great book.. I highly recommend it. But in the book Neale talks about how, looking back, he sees that all of the events of his life - the relationship he had with his parents, jobs he had, hardships he endured - all were training and education for the bigger and most important purpose he was intended for. He'd had jobs in radio, journalism, education.. even in a couple of different churches, and when he realized what it was he truly wanted to do, he saw that all of those different jobs and experiences had given him what he needed to accomplish his dreams. So I started thinking about all the things I've been through, all the different kinds of jobs I've had, and I've had more than a few.
I've been a babysitter, clerk at a grocery store, photographer, hair & makeup artist, veterinarian technician, phlebotomist, legal secretary, direct care worker in a group home, waitress, leasing administrator and receptionist. I've worked at a video store, coffee shop, movie theater, women's clothing shop, trained as an emergency responder and disaster relief worker and organized from the ground up the opening of an office for a non-profit organization. To be only 32 I have the experience and skills knowledge of someone almost twice my age. I've done a lot, seen a lot, been a lot. But for the life of me I can't imagine what thing, what goal, what purpose all of those things together add up to.
I know that I love children, I know that I have a heart for the poor and suffering. I know that I LOVE knowledge and educating myself. I know that I love photography and nature and children and animals. I know that I want to go back to school, fall in love again, get married, be a mother, share the things that are important to me with others and make a difference in the world. But I don't like being around people, I suck at socializing and small talk, I wish in the deepest part of my soul that I had a different relationship with my family then feel guilty for being unable to totally love and accept them as they are. Most families have a "black sheep" in them, well I'm the "white sheep" in mine. I'm the only family member who's never drank, smoked, done drugs, or waited until I was older than 16 to have sex. I care about the environment, I try to educate my self and be informed about what's going on in the world and what I can do to help, when something interests me I make an effort to research it and learn what I can. I made the decision to stop eating meat based on research I did, because I wanted to know more about what was best for me, my body and the effect my decisions made on the world around me. I stopped being content to just live in my little bubble and remain oblivious to anything outside the 4 walls of my life. Because of that I don't "fit in". It makes me sad that I feel I need to fit in with my own family, but I guess I should be used to it, I've never been like or felt connected with most of the people in my family. That hasn't changed in 32 years.
I'm adopting in 2 years and am still deciding between Vietnam or Africa as the country I want to adopt first from. Do you want to hear something really sad? I'm afraid to adopt a child from Africa because there are people in my family who are racist and I'm terrified they'd say something even unintentionally that may one day make my child feel uncomfortable. How horrible is it, that that is even a thought I have to entertain in deciding where my child comes from. I wish with every fiber of my being that I had the kind of family that I could count on to be a support group, that would join together with me and rejoice and celebrate me bringing a child into my life from another culture, but that's not the kind of relationship I have with my family. Most of them would say it's my fault, that I distance myself from them, and to an extent they're right, but it's because the majority of my family live lives that involve values and lifestyles that I really don't feel comfortable being around. They don't think like I do.. about life, respecting people's privacy (once you tell one person in my family something everyone knows), caring about how the decisions they make effect the planet and people around them, about anything really. And it's just really hard feeling comfortable when you're the square peg surrounded by a bunch of round holes. Do any of you feel that way? Like you've spent your entire life in a family you have absolutely nothing in common with?
When I was younger it hurt a lot to be so different. I was angry, all the time and at everyone. As I get older it just fills me with a deep sadness that I'll never know the kind of love and closeness and acceptance other people feel with their families. I've gotten a bit closer with my mom as I've gotten older and more forgiving than I was when I was younger, but this weekend I realized that I still and may never have the traditional "mother-daughter" type of relationship with her that I'd like. Saturday night at the company Christmas party we were having dinner and my mom was talking to some people across the table and I looked over and saw everything in her mouth. She was chewing and talking at the same time and I realized that everyone else could see the same thing I saw, and I was embarrassed. I nudged her and said something under my breath about not talking with her mouth full. And in the back of my mind I wondered, how is it that I ended up so incredibly different in every aspect of my being than anyone in my family. My mom is a very friendly, loving outgoing person. She loves to meet people and talk to them and hear about their lives. And apparently having a mouth full of food just wasn't something that occurred to her to let impede her conversation.
I know it's a culture, my family is from the south, the deep south. They are ALL southerners through and through. I'm not, never have been. I don't "do" southern. I like the city, and activity and culture and a somewhat more refined lifestyle. I felt horrible about correcting my mom, yet I couldn't stop myself from doing it. It was like I was outside myself watching myself be mortified that someone my realize my mom had no table manners. And it's not that she doesn't! Most people probably wouldn't have even noticed, but I did. In the book I mentioned earlier it talks about the true meaning of love, and what REAL love is. TRUE love is loving someone with no requirement, without needing anything from them, or expecting anything from them in return for loving them. Real love is allowing someone to be who they are, whoever that is, and in whatever way being who they are occurs. I read this part on the bus on my way home yesterday and it hit me that by chastising my mom about her table manners, I was in essence not allowing her to be who she was. I was not really, truly loving her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. It's taken me many years and some emotional therapy sessions to get to where I was able to, but I do love her.
Then I wondered, have I ever really truly loved anyone? Has anyone ever really truly loved me? Someone has always expected something from me, or required something of me. Have any of us ever really truly loved anyone? I don't think most of us even know what really truly loving someone is. Most of us have been shown that in order to be loved, accepted by those we want to be loved and accepted by we have to do or be a certain way. We have to be good obedient children so our parents will love us. We have to excel in school to be someone our parents can be proud of. We need to have a good education and a good job and a spouse and children and nice house and new car to be worth something according to society. Sigh.. It's funny in a not so funny way. I've always been the kind of person who refused to change so I could "fit in". I may not be popular or part of the crowd or have all the friends but I would be me. I never felt the effects of "peer pressure". I never felt the need to do something, anything because everyone else was doing it. And I'm thankful. Being that way has kept me from going through many things that my peers went through. I never experienced problems with drugs or alcohol or being promiscuous. I never got wild and crazy so I could join in the parties and have all the "fun" my classmates and friends were having. I also spent a very lonely isolated childhood.
That isolation and loneliness has followed me throughout my pre-teen, teen and young adult years. It surrounds me even now. Yet I have no idea how to change it, I don't know how to BE anything but who I am. And who I am is the little girl who refused to drink because she remembers her mom having to pick up her pawpaw from behind the convenience store because he was passed out drunk. I am the child who saw that her parents thought spending money on cigarettes and skoal and magazine subscriptions was more important than being aware how much it would have meant to me to have more than 2 pair of shoes for most of my life, what it would have meant to have a class ring, or a dress so I could go to prom, even if I didn't have a date. The girl who was too embarrassed to have friends over because my mom ran around the house in her underwear and paid more attention to her soap operas than me or my siblings. I'm not saying I had bad parents, I just think maybe they didn't know any better. Most people carry their parenting skills down from their experiences of being parented. So maybe they did the best they knew how. It just wasn't the best I needed from them.
I'm going to wrap this up for now.. I know it's not an ideal ending or stopping place but I'm at work and some of this stuff is still pretty hard to talk about... and as much as I like to think I've put it all past me, the fact that it still effects me so much tells me that there are many things in my life that still need to be properly dealt with. I think that is a big reason I decided to start blogging actively.. I don't want to be the parent who passes baggage from their childhood onto their child. I want to be free of the hurts and damage I suffered so I don't inflict the same type of trama on my child. I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be the mom I always wished I had...
1 People who coughed on a furball
Friday, December 14, 2007
Pecans & Proposals..
This morning I got on the bus like usual... sat down like usual.. and pulled out my book to begin reading.... like usual.
What occurred next was decidedly UNusual.. at least to me lol.
The seats on the bus are situated in different directions in different areas of the bus. At the front of the bus are a row of 4 seats on each side situated along the sides of the bus. So you're not facing forward but rather sideways facing the people across from you. Right behind those are 2 rows of two seats on either side that ARE facing forwrad. So you're sitting perpendicular to the guy next to you if you're in the last seat on the sideways row. (Just in case someone doesn't know - perpendicular means in the shape of a T or in a shape forming right angles).
So I'm sitting in the last seat in the front row, and there is a man sitting in the outside seat of the first row of forward facing seats. He's probably ehh mid to late 40's maybe early 50's. And he's crunching the heck out of something. He'll pull something out of his pocket - bite it and then set something on the seat next to him. I just assume it's sunflower seeds.. until I keep hearing this really LOUD crunch. So while reading my book I slide my gaze to my right to see what he's putting on the seat next to him. It's PECAN Shells.. the man is cracking pecans WITH HIS TEETH, picking out the nuts then putting the shells on the seat next to him. I think um ew. So I ask the guy a couple of seats next to me (in the other direction) to hand me one of the little plastic white trash bags they keep at the front of the bus. I quietly, without saying anything pass it to the nut cruncher to my right.
Ah boy - I should have just let him keep putting the shells on the seat and hoped some poor sod didn't have the misfortune to sit on a piece of shell with a sharp edge later in the day! Because evidentally handing him a plastic bag translated into "let's chat". I didn't even look at him when I passed the bag rather kept my nose firmly in the pages of my book!
"Hi" he says. "Hello", I reply. "Ju have a husband?", he asks. (Yes that really was the second thing out of his mouth and from the accent I'm assuming he was hispanic, although he looked pretty white to me - who can tell these days?!). "No I'm not married".. "Are ju looking for a husband?". uh... uhh... I smile...uhh..."I'm waiting for the right man", I say, hoping that by bringing my book yet closer to my face I can hint nicely that I'm more interested in reading than chatting.
"Ju have just met him".
I try really hard not to laugh. I mean to totally crack up at the surreality of the moment. Picture this coming, not from a dark, handsome exotic latino like eh Mark Consuelos for example but rather a very balding Ricardo Montalban.
Now picture me back to uhh.. uhhh. smile. uhh..uhhh....
I said something along the lines of I'm waiting for God to bring me the right man for me... to which he replies something.. I dunno.. but I heard in the middle of it that he was waiting for God too.. I finally smiled and buried my nose so far in my book there was no way anyone could have failed to get that I was REALLLLY interested in what I was reading.
So he asks..."Ju like to read a lot eh?". "Yes", I say, ""I've read 3 books in the last 2 weeks". (flip pages in book and appear to concentrate feverishly).
He finally must have realized that I just really wasn't up for an impromto meeting of my future husband.. at least not this particular day and he went back to cracking and crunching his pecans...
I hope he has better luck on his next proposal.. maybe it will be met with slightly better reception and excitement.. who's to say you can't meet the man or woman of your dreams amidst bus smog and pecan shells.
Love and blessings to you all!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Penny for your Thoughts..
NEW YORK - One hundred million pennies for your thoughts on the latest display in Rockefeller Center. New York first lady Silda Wall Spitzer joined hundreds of public school children on Monday to unveil a mass of $1 million in pennies collected for charity. The display, called the Penny Harvest Field, includes an estimated 100 million pennies — plus a few nickels, dimes and quarters that slipped in by mistake.
The exhibit, 30 feet by 165 feet, as long as a city block, is the culmination of the nonprofit organization Common Cents' 17th annual Penny Harvest, a national educational program designed to teach children about their value as contributors to society. Hundreds of thousands of city students from more than 800 schools spent the weeks between Oct. 22 and Thanksgiving going door to door and collecting the pennies, which will be donated to organizations of their choice for causes such as protecting the environment and helping the elderly.
The exhibit was designed by architect James Polshek and will be on display in Rockefeller Center, near the famous Christmas tree, through the end of the year.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Leaving yesterday behind..
- I'm a lot stronger and more resourceful that I thought.
- As much as it hurts that I don't have a closer relationship with my family - the relationship I don't have has left me with an overabundance of love to give to the child I'll soon have.
- I'm not reliant on having a car to take care of myself and do the things I need to do - doing things might not be as convenient - but they can be done
- I really do have a passion for photography and seeing the beauty and simplistic complexities so visible in the world if you just LOOK.
- I am NOT a victim of circumstance. Even though things may not always happen the way I think I'd like them to - I can always choose to turn things around and to my benefit.
- I've been wanting for the longest time to get up earlier in the morning to start walking before work but have always been to tired - now I'm used to getting up 40 mins earlier to catch the bus - how coincidental is that.. lol
- The relationship with my friend who always seems to be so damn negative had a purpose - and now that I've realized it's purpose I can move on.
- That the past is truly the past and it's time I let it go. What was "meant to be" was evidentally only "meant to be" for the time it was and something new and better will come along once I wholly and completely LET GO of what I've been holding on to.
- It's ok for people you love to move on and be happy without you. You served a purpose in their life the same way they did in yours. They just realized your purpose sooner than you realized theirs.. it's ok to be happy it didn't work.
- It's ok to love MYSELF - and I shouldn't let what other people say or think effect me or hurt me the way I do. I know my heart - GOD knows my heart and we both know I'm ok just the way I am.
- I have a long history of behavior based on events that have happened to me in my past - and to change that I'm going to have to face those things head on, acknowledge they happened, admit they only have power to hurt me if I let them and MOVE ON to becoming the person I know that I am inside and choose to be.
Some of these things had absolutely nothing to do with my accident directly, yet all of them are realizations I've come to since and as a result of the changes in my life the accident caused. There are many more too, but I know this is already pretty long so I'm going to wrap it up soon..
Last night I went through my phone and deleted all of the numbers of people who had been a part of my life, but who I am no longer in regular contact with as well as people I am in regular contact with but no longer need to be. They all served a purpose and that purpose has been realized. I went on my computer and deleted old pictures I'd kept of my friend with the bad attitude and other friends - memories of the times we had together. Conversations that messenger had autologged - back when I used it.. The pictures - the laughs in the conversations - the love those friendships brought will always be safe in my memory and I no longer need to hold on to physical momentos of those times past.
I've started reading up on meditation and possitive self-affirmations. I taped to my bathroom mirror a piece of paper with the following statements:
I love you. I appreciate you.
I forgive you of any mistakes you have ever made. Today is a NEW day. The past is gone.
I choose to begin anew, better, wiser, kinder than before.
I choose the path of excellence bcause I am unlimited in how wonderful and productive and creative I can be.
I treat others as I want to be treated.
I respect the rights of others, and I choose to respect myself. I am grateful for my life, my health, and my intelligence
On my refrigerator:
Every day and in every way I am getting better and better; I am becoming more and more
I am peace. I am love. I am joy
Health and wealth are my birthright, success my tool, kindness my standard.
I am beautiful and loved RIGHT NOW, for I accept and express the goodness which resides within me.
Every morning when I get up - while I'm making my breakfast I read the ones on the fridge.. while I'm brushing my teeth I read the ones on the bathroom mirror.. and by doing so I'm making the conscious decision to alter my life to fit these statements. We all can be the person we feel we are inside. We all can make the decision right here, right now to STOP letting the past events of our lives - and the present ones effect the life we live, the way we act, the way we think of ourselves.. and the way we react to how others think about us. We can choose to be the very best us we can be. Imagine the greatest version of the grandest vision you can about the person you'd choose to be if you had a choice - THEN CHOOSE TO BE THAT PERSON.
Love and Blessings...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Thursday Morning Commute
Here's some of those things from my morning commute =)
Well first here's ME! =)
<~~On my way to the bus stop. It's about a half block from my apartment to the intersection, then I hang a left and walk another block to the bust stop. This morning was really nice - not too cold, just a little nippy - it gave the air a fresh crisp feeling. Usually I just walk the walk and not really pay attention to the surrounding scenery. This morning I looked..
This is the house that sits on the corner where the bus station is. It's actually an lawyer's office now - I'm sure it was converted. Mobile has absolutely some of the most beautiful homes and architecture I've ever seen. One of these days I'll get downtown with a regular camera and take some pictures. It reminds me a lot of downtown Boston
The turquoise dot on the aeriel map is my apt - the yellow one is the store I bought my birthday ice cream from lol - the pink dot to the right is the bus stop I walk to in the morning. It looks a lot further than it actually is lol.
Love and Blessings
Mollie Jo
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Riding the Wave....
It's a hobby/passion that I've never really pursued seriously but also never really stopped enjoying. I said all that to say this.. I've realized during my journey on the public transit system that there are some phenomenal pictures to be taken. And my camera phone just isn't cutting it!
It seems that there are 2 or 3 different bus models, and they all have different seating arrangements. My evening bus has two seats right when you get on the bus to the left that are raised up off the floor about a foot and a half. Then there are a row of 4 seats on each side of the bus. This picture shows the upper seats in the back of the bus. They're two steps up off the main level. I've sat in the upper seat in the front and the seats on the rights side of the bus for all of my trips so far. I don't think I'll go to the back. I like to see where I'm going to make sure I don't miss my stop!
Here are some of my fellow journeymen and women -
Mr. Hard Hat putting his bicycle on the front of the bus.. He was on the first route I took this morning too. Before my public transit adventure is over I may ask him his name and see if he'll share some of this story - but for now I'm content to just watch and imagine - plus I'm chicken! lol I can admit it =)
These two got on at the mall with me.. that's my hand in the first picture holding on for dear life.. sure I'd be thrown from my seat at the next curve in the road! They only lasted a few minutes into the ride before nodding off. The briefcase & the arm on the far right of the picture belong to
This guy -
Here's the bus stop at the mall - this is the connecting stop for all the buses... and the nifty little digital sign that tells you when what bus will arrive next - the last picture is my connecting bus to get home. I guess he put the sign on NOT IN SERVICE during the break between his routes so no one would get on the bus while he wasn't on it and not pay - He forgot he'd changed the sign too - someone asked him which bus his was and he said - "Doesn't it say Dauphin on the front?!" - "No sir, it doesn't"
So that was my journey today - well the half that took me back home anyway - I hope you enjoyed the ride and again I really do recommend that everyone try out their local public transit system at least one time - if for no other reason than to say you did it! lol But I'm pretty sure you'll get much more out of the ride!!!
- postscript-
I always wondered what Namasté meant so I did some looking - taken literally it means "I bow to you" - Deepak Chopra gives it a less literal and I think more enjoyable and acceptable meaning - "I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." Just some fun facts!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Public Transit... and being thankful
I have to say I was nervous.. what if there isn't a route that goes by my house? What if there isn't one that goes anywhere near my work?!? Well as the case usually is, it's the times when you worry most about something that it ends up you needn't have worried at all. Turns out there is a stop one block from the intersection near my apartments. So it's about a block and a half walk. Then there is a connecting bus at the mall here that takes me to the corner of the nearest intersection where my office is. That stop requires a bit more walking but nothing impossible. It's about a half mile, maybe less or maybe more lol but it only took me 5 mins this morning to get from the corner where the bus dropped me off to my office. Those 5 minutes wouldn't have even been as bad as they were if it hadn't been so dang COLD!
I've never been a prejudice person, not of race, age, or anything really.. but I couldn't help, as I looked around the bus, but notice that I was in fact the only white person riding. Half way through the route a middle age white man got on - dressed for probably a construction job, but he only stayed on for a few stops - probably using the bus to get to a carpool. The ages of the riders were varied, from early twenties to possibly late 60's or 70's. A beautiful young black woman got on at the second stop with her two little girls - probably ages 3 and 5 or 6. They were riding the transit to school. I couldn't help but wonder how they ended up going to the school they were let off at when it was a good ways from where they boarded the bus. In Mobile you're required to attend schools in your district. But more than that it just really hit me.. here is a young mother - boarding the public transit at 7am to take her babies to school. For some reason I never imagined there being a need like that. I mean I know there is poverty and misfortune in America, but when you think of children going to school, somehow the public transit system never quite comes to mind in the picture you imagine.
It was looking at that McDonald's visor that it hit me like a kick in the gut. I was in an accident, ya. My car will be in the shop for 2 weeks getting repaired, ok. I'm bruised from head to toe and feel like I've been thrown down a flight of stairs, sure. But I'm alive. I have a good ok decent lol paying job. I HAVE a new car even though it's a bit banged up right now. I have my health. I have for all intents and purposes a pretty damn good life. I felt guilty.. for feeling self pity about my situation, for being angry that my family didn't jump and come to Mobile to make sure I was ok after my wreck. (My cousin Karen did come stay the night with me the night of the wreck and for that I am so grateful) But I wanted my sister to come, my dad to call and see if I was ok.. All of which you're probably thinking are normal things.. ya well you haven't met my family, but that's an entirely different blog!
The night after my accident I was so upset, so hurt, so tired, just so overwhelmed about everything in life that I wanted to die. I laid in bed, weeping and begged God to just take me home. My Thanksgiving was ruined, my birthday was spent alone, in pain, with no where to go and no way to get there. I have to pay a $500 deductible that I don't have to get my car out once it's repaired, and God only knows how much the hospital bills will be from being taken to the ER in an ambulance! It was just too much, I was too tired and I couldn't take it anymore. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up the next morning it was a new day. None of the problems I was facing had gone away, it still hurt that my family hadn't been there for me the way I'd needed them to, but I'd been given a new day, a new breath, a new opportunity to get through.
I won't lie and say I all of a sudden got happy and thankful, or that I had an epiphany that everything was going to work out perfect. But this morning on the bus I got a glimpse of what my life COULD BE.. and it hit me that in spite of all the crap the world throws at me, and all the things that happen to bring me down, I could have it so much worse than I do. Not to say my life is any better than anyone else's, but I know that in 2 weeks, my car will be repaired and by some miracle, God will, as He always does create a way for me to have what I need. I know that even though I don't particularly enjoy sitting at at desk, I have a good steady reliable job that allows me to have an apartment with heat, a bed with soft sheets and comfy pillows, a refrigerator with food in it, an oven AND microwave to cook that food in, clean clothes to put on in the morning, hot water to take a shower... and so much more.
There's a blog I follow by a guy names Travis Ruse. It's a photo blog and it's pictures he takes of people on the express train on his daily commute to and from work in Brooklyn. When I first found the page and looked through the pictures I was just blown away by the simplicity, complexity, beauty and so many more adjectives, of the images he'd taken. People, just like you and me, people you've never met, and probably will never meet, yet in the images Travis takes you feel that you know them. You feel like you know their journey, their struggle, their accomplishments, their life, and yet this morning when I hopped on the bus, hoping it wasn't too awful of an experience I was surrounded by those same people, I WAS one of those people. And it was amazing. I think even after I get my car back I will take the bus every once in a while just for the experience. I truly recommend everyone use their public transit system. Even if only once. But when you get on the bus, get on and open your eyes... open your mind.. open your heart and you will see that you are so so incredibly blessed beyond your greatest imagination.
I laugh to myself now as I hear in my head the comments some people will make at the idea of using their local public transit system. Um no thank you, ew gross, that's only for poor people, ugh only smelly people ride the bus... they're all comments I've heard and some I'm ashamed to say I've probably thought at one time or another. I can promise you, just try it.. once.. and truly be aware of your surroundings when you ride... it will be an experience that can and if you let it change the way you think about your life, about other's lives, about life in general.
So I leave you now.. I have 4 hours and 6 minutes until I leave my office and walk the half mile to the bus stop to catch my ride home. I probably won't get there until about 7pm. I'll lose the time I usually use to feed my cats, change into my pj's, watch the episode of Ellen I recorded from earlier in the day, cook dinner and relax after work.. but I'll be grateful for every second of the ride.. knowing that there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING this world can throw my way that God can't and won't provide a solution for. It may not be the solution I'd like..but His solution just might be better FOR me.
God Bless..
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Labels: accident, bus, life, local, public transit, thankful, Wave


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ReleasesBack to
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These sessions were recorded for Blue Note in 1961 and 1963. The first date features five cuts with Jack Mcduff on organ, Grant Green on guitar, and Joe Dukes on drums. The four remaining cuts were recorded two years later with John Patton on organ, Ben Dixon on drums, and the addition of Irvin Stokes on trumpet. This is a mainly mellow affair with six of the nine tracks exchanging the hard bop and soul-jazz of the times for ballads and slow blues. However, the occasional up-tempo funky surprise does pop up on "My Melancholy Baby" and the Donaldson originals "Hipty Hop" and "Soul Meetin'." ~ Al Campbell


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December 06, 2012
By Brian W. Carter
LAWT Staff Writer
The space shuttle Endeavour maybe resting at its new home at the California Science Center but it's still flying around in the minds of the community. As the shuttle traveled through multiple neighborhoods in South L.A., it undoubtedly left profound influences in the minds of many youth. The Second Baptist Church of Los Angeles (SBCLA) wants to keep the inspiration and momentum moving forward.
On Sunday, November 25, SBCLA held a program entitled "Our African-American Space Age Legacy." Since then, a display of awards, books, documents and more about the rich, Black legacy behind the space program stands for everyone to see. Ernest Terrell, who worked on the Endeavour, along with his wife, provided much of what is on display at SBCLA.
The display has garnered praise, attention and even revealed two more members of the space program that call the SBCLA home, Natlieth Smith and Benny Ray Dancy. Members of the church are moving forward with recognizing Terrell, Smith and Dancy along with other Black space pioneers who reside in Los Angeles.
The Space Age legacy is on display at the Second Baptist Church of Los Angeles located at 2412 Griffith Avenue in Los Angeles, Ca in the narthex of the church. For more information, please call (213) 748-0318 or fax (213) 748-1015. You can also visit the church website at www.2ndbaptistla.com.


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Elliptical Galaxy NCG 2768
75 million light-years (23 million parsecs)
F435W (B), F555W (V), and F814W (I)
This image is a composite of separate exposures acquired by the ACS/WFC instrument. Several filters were used to sample various wavelengths. The color results from assigning different hues (colors) to each monochromatic (grayscale) image associated with an individual filter. In this case, the assigned colors are:
Blue: F435W (B)
Green: F555W (V)
Red: F814W (I)


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You all know them:
They ride right next to you and get mad when you turn. (I don"t look back because I look more at the waves so I can ride them.)
They can't ride worth a crap, but make sure everyone knows they kite.
Then you have the one SAFTEY KOOK at your spot.
The impact vest, the helmet, the wetsuit in summer, the Eperb, andthe all important life raft.


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- To Do Today: La belle Hélène at Odyssey Opera June 14, 2019What? Odyssey Opera's production of Jacques Offenbach's comedic masterpiece La belle Hélène (The Beautiful Helen) When? Two shows: this evening, Friday, June 14, at 7:30 pm, and Sunday, June 16, at 2 pm. Where? Huntington Avenue Theatre, 264 Huntington Ave., Boston. Take an MBTA Green Line E trolley to Heath Street and get off at Symphony […]
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GTDA is here to help children and adults whose reading struggles are interfering with their ability to reach goals in school, work, and life.
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Call us. The starting point is to have a member of the screening staff conduct a screening to assess the student's current abilities. Our phone number is 231-929-1007 or email us email@example.com
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This two-hour "screening" tells us what the student knows currently. The information will give the tutor a place to begin teaching what is unknown. The screening does not label a student.
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This approach utilizes phonics and emphasizes visual, auditory, and kinesthetic learning styles. It provides students with immediate feedback and a predictable sequence that integrates reading, writing, and spelling.


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by April Gregory, '13
"You Could Be the King But Watch the Queen Conquer:"
Nicki Minaj as a Model of Empowerment for Female and/or Queer Youth
"In between the beats, booty shaking, and hedonistic abandon, I have to wonder if there isn't something inherently unfeminist in supporting a music that repeatedly reduces me to tits and ass and encourages pimping on the regular." Such is the dilemma of hip hop feminist Joan Morgan, author of When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost. Like Morgan, I consider myself to be a fairly ardent feminist. I also consider myself to be a fairly ardent hip hop fan. It's no secret that these two identities, as Morgan points out, are frequently in conflict with one another.
So imagine my utter bewilderment when, in 2009, I heard a woman spitting lyrics as crude and grimy as those coming out of the mouths of male rappers. Nicki Minaj had flown into my hip hop radar with her mixtape "Beam Me Up, Scotty." Its cover art, which features Nicki and her bountiful curves in a skintight, barely there Wonder Woman outfit, was in itself enough to make the feminist in me have a stroke. Her rhymes provoked equal alarm. How could I, as a feminist, respect or support a woman who spit quasi-pornographic lines like "Bitches can't find their man 'cause I ride it good" ("Itty Bitty Piggy," 2009) and "Maybe it's time to put this pussy on your sideburns" ("BedRock," 2009) while prancing around in outrageously stripper-esque garb?
To be blunt, Nicki Minaj frightened me. Her abrasive, slightly schizophrenic tone and unabashed use of misogynistic diction made me uncomfortable. I could not accept her brazen female sexuality as anything more than a ploy to obtain male attention and furthermore, I felt a little violated by the ease with which she could talk about her body and her sexual exploits. As an ally of the queer community, I was likewise bothered by Nicki's claim to be bisexual, which I perceived to be an exploitation of queer identity for the purpose of appealing to heterosexual male fantasies of lesbian and bisexual women. And, above all, I was horrified by the fact that young girls were idolizing Nicki, especially the fourteen- and fifteen-year-old girls from East Palo Alto that I mentored through a college access program.
Then, on August 27, 2010, my relationship with Nicki Minaj was changed forever. Kanye West had released "Monster" featuring Nicki, Rick Ross, and Jay-Z on his Twitter page. After a few listens, I was forced to join those who "unanimously decided she had the best verse" on the track. I was particularly struck by the final lines of Nicki's verse:
Pink wig, thick ass, give 'em whiplash
I think big, get cash, make 'em blink fast
Now look at what you just saw
This is what you live for
[Screams] I'm a muthafuckin monster!
She beats the boys at their own game through a verse that goes, to borrow a phrase, hard as a motherfucker. In the process, Nicki also affirms herself, from her unique sense of style to her entrepreneurial aspirations. Her assertion that "This is what you live for" situates Nicki in a position of power, wherein listeners beg for the sustenance her rhymes provide.
It is this same notion of power – as well as empowerment – that catalyzed my reevaluation of Nicki Minaj. I began to question the social constructions of womanhood as well as the hegemony within certain tracks of feminist thought that caused my discomfort with Nicki. What's more, I realized that I wasn't cool with Nicki speaking so openly about her body and sexuality not because it constituted a violation of my feminism, but because the norms of our patriarchal society dictate that women ought not to openly express their sexuality – and I had internalized those norms. Why shouldn't I be okay with Nicki's language? The way she dresses? The ideologies she espouses? Considering these questions and others has brought me to the conclusion that ultimately, no one is forcing Nicki Minaj to dress and act like a coquettish Barbie. Everything she does is of her own volition, and she is not submissive to patriarchy. Rather, Nicki takes patriarchal notions of femininity and womanhood, reclaims them, and makes them work for her. In doing so, she reverses the paradigm of female inferiority and submissiveness and creates a model of empowerment for those who look up to her.
As is the case with all hip hop artists, Nicki's core fan base is comprised of youth. While I was once appalled by the idea that young people could be looking up to Nicki as a role model, my newfound respect for her has given me a different perspective. Nicki Minaj's massive success and popularity presents us with a unique opportunity to rework our definition of a role model toward one that isn't focused on what adults deem worthy of admiration, but rather is geared toward finding positivity and worth in what youth are drawn to. In other words, we ought to work toward meeting and validating youth where they are instead of sermonizing about where they ought to be.
Here are 6 reasons why Nicki Minaj provides a space for youth, specifically young women and queer youth, to feel represented in the overwhelmingly sexist and homophobic domain of hip hop:
1) "I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for them:"
She's a role model.
Declared by some to be "the most interesting, relevant female rapper in the last ten to fifteen years," Nicki Minaj has achieved an astronomical level of fame. Last October, Nicki was on seven different singles in the Hot 100 at one time. But as a female artist in a male-dominated industry, Nicki remains acutely aware of the expectations that come with defying the odds. In the MTV-produced documentary My Time Now, which was filmed before the release of Pink Friday, Nicki emphasizes the pressure she feels as a result of her success:
"I don't have anything else to fall back on. […] I've been told forever that you're not gonna sell. No one's gonna get you. Don't sound too smart. You can only be a part of a crew. And I just know there are so many women who get told these things every day. I used to think this was all about me. But I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for them."
By relating her personal struggle with transcending sexist attitudes to that of young women who are limited by and underestimated because of their gender, Nicki positions herself as a representative of these young women in the male-dominated hip hop world. "Why isn't there a female rapper turned mogul?" she asks. Dissatisfied with the status quo and determined to prove all the haters wrong, Nicki declares, "I want to be the first woman to do it, and I will be." Given the lack of female competition in the current hip hop climate, it appears that Nicki's confidence is not at all unjustified. As she declares on "Itty Bitty Piggy" (2009), "I'm the baddest in the school, the baddest in the game; excuse me honey, but nobody's in my lane."
2) "It's Barbie, bitch:"
She challenges Eurocentric beauty standards.
"I got a lot to say about Miss Barbie," declares Alexis, a fifteen-year-old from East Palo Alto, when I ask her what she thinks of Nicki Minaj. I've known Alexis for almost two years now, long enough to know that she loves hip hop and doesn't love "fake" people, especially not fake girls. So it came as no surprise to me that Miss Alexis has some issues with Miss Barbie. "Everything about her is fake," Alexis continues. "I mean, her personality is cool, but then again, she's phony. She thinks she's all that, she's self-centered. She's just so fake! Fake hair, fake boobs, fake butt. I mean, how she be callin' herself Barbie, it's like, sorry, you're not a Barbie, no one in this world is a Barbie!" Alexis raises a valid point: if Nicki is really all about female empowerment, then why is she performing an identity that has been oppressing women, especially women of color, for decades?
However, where Alexis and others may see fakeness, I see a clever subversion of Eurocentric standards of beauty. Adopting a Barbie persona is not a new phenomenon among female MCs (see Lil Kim's "How Many Licks"), but the way in which Nicki has so thoroughly crafted her Barbie image is unprecedented. Nicki doesn't just act like a Barbie in her performances and in her songs – she also claims to be Barbie through one of her many alter egos. The Barbie motif is carried through every aspect of her performance identity: the cover art for the aptly named Pink Friday features an armless Nicki staring quizzically at the camera, with her digitally altered, plastic-looking legs sprawling before her.
Yet there are key differences between the blonde, vacuous, dysmorphic Barbie I played with as a little girl and Nicki Minaj. In terms of physical appearance, her body itself is far from Barbie-like – Nicki proudly describes herself as "thick," an attribute that Eurocentric standards of beauty deem undesirable. In addition, the fact that Nicki is a black woman also stands in opposition to Barbie's Anglo features that essentially define white beauty ideals. Furthermore, Nicki's "bad bitch" attitude is directly opposed to the notions of passivity and powerlessness represented by the one-dimensional, Ken-dependent Barbie. Nicki's overall self-presentation it thus nowhere near that of the traditional Barbie archetype. It is this incongruence between Nicki's Barbie and the Barbie I played with as a child that results in a subversion of Eurocentric standards of beauty. Nicki reinterprets and reclaims Barbie, and in doing so, empowers young women who, like Alexis, know that "no one in this world is a Barbie." In other words, Nicki provides an alternative mode of being Barbie, one in which female deference and Eurocentric standards of beauty are firmly rejected. "It's Barbie, bitch, you can join the wave" ("Roger That," 2010).
3) "Roman! You've gone mad, mad, I tell you, mad!":
She empowers queer youth.
The foil to Nicki's Barbie is Roman Zolanski, an alter ego that, though less frequently channeled than Barbie, has become an infamous trademark of Nicki's unconventional, almost schizophrenic rapping style. According to Nicki, "Roman is a crazy boy who lives in me. He says the things that I don't want to say… People have conjured him up, now he won't leave." Because Nicki defers to a male alter ego in order to say the things she feels she cannot, it may appear that Roman is a recursive figure. His function – granting Nicki the ability to make some rather fiery statements – could be interpreted as recreating patriarchal norms of female submission to and dependence on male power.
"Roman's Revenge," which is arguably one of Nicki's most confrontational and hostile songs, is a prime example of the way Nicki uses Roman to say things she would not ordinarily. However, Nicki revealed in an interview on Lopez Tonight that Roman is "a gay boy," which greatly complicates the purpose he serves. I argue that Nicki's dependence on an imagined queer youth to "say what [she] can't say" empowers actual queer youth and places them in a position of authority. Given the marginalized status of LGBT youth in society, Nicki's use of a young homosexual alter ego as a vehicle for honest expression serves a counterhegemonic purpose. Nicki, through Roman, reverses the traditional power structure in which heterosexual norms prevail. Consequently, she challenges heteronormativity by portraying queer youth as authoritative rather than marginal and provides a model of empowerment for these youth.
4) "I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin:"
She promotes gender equality.
As illustrated by her Barbie and Roman alter egos, Nicki Minaj's hip hop persona takes on both female and male characteristics. One of Nicki's most common lyrical tropes is ascribing masculine identities to herself in favor of traditionally female characteristics. Consequently, she challenges hegemonic notions of gender and power by endowing herself with the privilege that men are granted by virtue of being male in a patriarchal society.
However, Nicki didn't always subscribe to the feminist agenda she currently maintains. Nicki, who was discovered by Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter, used to present herself as "Nicki Lewinsky" to Wayne's "President Carter." She has since largely abandoned that persona and today positions herself as an equal to the male artists who dominate hip hop. In reference to the line "I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin" from "Roman's Revenge" (2010), Nicki explains,
"I have the same power as these boys…I have the same magic carpet. There's nothing different between me and them except they have a twig and berries, and I don't. I no longer feel lesser than; I don't want my girls to feel that way. I want them to feel that, even if you have a nine-to-five, if you grow up to be vice president of the company, you should earn the same thing the male vice president earned. You should demand the same thing."
Again, Nicki connects her own sense of female power to her young female audience and consequently creates a model of empowerment for them. It is thus evident that Nicki's navigation of both male and female spaces is, at least in part, meant to encourage young women who might otherwise feel marginalized by their gender to "demand the same thing" as their male counterparts. Given the massive popularity of Nicki Minaj amongst a diverse array of hip hop fans, her feminist agenda has the potential to permanently alter the male-dominated fabric of hip hop and create a new space where women are perceived as equals rather than objects.
5) "I never let a D-boy boink for free:"
She's sex-positive.
The models of empowerment Nicki Minaj creates for young women and queer youth come together in the way she portrays her sexuality. While her provocative rhymes and less than modest manner of dress could be interpreted as an appeal to the sexual desires of heterosexual men, a closer look at her lyrics reveals that Nicki is in total control of her sexuality and never surrenders her sexual agency. For one, Nicki's more recent lyrical content is fairly ambivalent toward sex. On "Monster" (2010) Nicki recognizes that her sex appeal causes men to be "so one track-minded," but in reality, she "don't give an F-U-C-K" about them.
When Nicki does decide to talk sex, she does so in a way that never places her a subordinate position. She'll "never let a D-boy boink for free," and when she does "boink," it is her partner who will be left at Nicki's beckon call: "He say, 'Nicki don't stop, you the bestest!' / And I just be comin' off the top, asbestos." In this way, Nicki further expands her model of empowerment into the realm of sexuality by asserting that women have as much, if not more, sexual power than men.
Furthermore, while Nicki does not openly identify as queer, her lyrics indicate a sense of the fluidity of sexual orientation, which can be viewed as contributing to her empowerment of queer youth. For instance, in "Monster" (2010) Nicki coyly propositions Kanye and his former girlfriend, Amber Rose: "Besides 'Ye, they can't stand besides me / I think me, you, and Am should ménage (Minaj) Friday." In Usher's "Lil Freak" (2010), Nicki devotes an entire verse to her fluid sexuality:
Excuse me little mama but you could say I'm on duty
I'm lookin' for a cutie, a real big ol' ghetto booty
I really like your kitty cat and if you let me touch her
I know you're not a bluffer, I'll take you to go see Usher
I keep a couple hoes, like Santa I keep a vixen
Got that Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Dixon, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
I'm hotter than a hundred degrees
A lot of bread, no sesame seeds
If I'm in your city I'm signin' them tiggobitties
I'm plottin' on how I can take Cassie away from Diddy
Girls wanna ménage (Minaj)
Yeah they wetter than rainin'
Usher, boost me in – everybody loves Raymond!
The fact that Nicki even acknowledges homosexuality in her rhymes is a source of empowerment for queer youth given the overwhelmingly homophobic discourse in hip hop. While some may argue that Nicki's references to sexual encounters with women are merely an appeal to heterosexual male fantasies – especially within the context of a ménage e trois – it is important to keep in mind that, as is the case with her references to heterosexual encounters, Nicki maintains agency and control. She does not express her desire for women at the behest of or in order to please men. Nicki therefore challenges both the conventions of heteronormativity, by engaging a fluid sense of sexuality, and patriarchy, by portraying herself as sexually dominant. As a result, she promotes a view of sexuality that empowers queer and/or female youth through its endorsement of what patriarchal, hegemonic notions of sexuality deem marginal or deviant.
6) "I'm a bad bitch:"
She "flips the script" on sexist language.
Like all rap artists, Nicki Minaj is not without (abundant) contradiction. One of the most difficult to reconcile aspects of her hip hop persona is her use of misogynist language. Nicki frequently refers to herself as "a bad bitch" and even goes so far as to call herself a "cunt" in "Roman's Revenge" (2010) – the very same song in which she spits that dope line of female empowerment, "I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin."
Nicki is in the business of reclamation, and accordingly, she is reclaiming "bitch." In My Time Now, Nicki expresses her dissatisfaction with the current state of the word. "When I am assertive, I'm a bitch," Nicki observes. "When a man is assertive, he's a boss. He's bossed up. No negative connotation behind 'bossed up' but lots of negative connotation behind being a bitch." Nicki seeks to shift that negative connotation to positive by using "bitch" in empowering contexts and reclaiming it as the female equivalent of the male "boss." Hence, when Nicki chants "I'm a bad bitch, I'm a I'm a bad bitch" at the end of "Itty Bitty Piggy" (2009), she is reaffirming her power and prowess as a female MC and subverting established, misogynistic notions of the term "bitch."
Through her reclamation of misogynistic language, Nicki encourages young women to "flip the script" on such language, take ownership of it, and reverse its oppressive connotations. While we might not want to encourage girls to refer themselves as bitches on the regular, the idea of depriving sexist language of its power is valuable regardless of what a young woman wants to call herself.
"Excuse me, honey, but nobody's in my lane:"
Some Final Thoughts
It's easy to, as I once did, dismiss Nicki as "fake" and antifeminist or to view her eccentricities as ploys for fame and attention. But in doing so, we alienate the youth who love her, especially those who are arguably the most marginalized in hip hop – female and queer youth. Consequently, failing to see past a one-dimensional characterization of Nicki Minaj is counterproductive to the broader task of making hip hop a safer space for the queer community and women. The reality is that there is no one like Nicki in mainstream hip hop right now, and therefore there are no other voices of female and queer empowerment quite like hers on the airwaves. Let's challenge ourselves to embrace the bedazzled corsets and bright pink lipstick and consider how Miss Barbie is redefining the female MC in new and empowering ways.
April Gregory is a junior majoring in American Studies. If you give her a bullhorn, she will yell into it about things she believes in. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.com.


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New Policy
Major Revision of Existing Policy
Minor/Technical Revision of Existing Policy
Reaffirmation of Existing Policy
Repealed Policy
To provide information concerning the policy utilized by the UNF Office of –Student Financial Aid in administering the federal satisfactory academic policy. II. STATEMENT OF POLICYThe Higher Education Act of 1965, as amended, requires institutions of higher education to establish and apply standards of academic progress that all students must meet to qualify and remain eligible for assistance from the Title IV student financial aid programs. Therefore, to maintain satisfactory academic progress to be eligible to receive financial aid, students must maintain specified grade point averages and proceed through the program at a pace leading to completion within a specified time frame. Satisfactory Academic Progress (SAP) will be measured at the end of each semester. All students placed on Financial Aid Warning or Financial Aid Suspension will be notified of their Satisfactory Academic Progress status in writing at the conclusion of each semester.Institutional categorical and merit / talent scholarship aid may be exempted from the SAP policy and in instead based on each individual award's criteria. Florida Bright Futures in exempt from this policy and is instead based on criteria established by the State of Florida. For athletic aid, student-athletes must maintain Progress-Toward-Degree requirements in accordance with the NCAA's Division I Manual (Policy 220.127.116.11) as detailed in the UNF Student-Athlete handbook. Required \Pass Rates (Pace):Students are required to earn a minimum of 67% of the hours they attempt overall cumulatively. Pace is measured by dividing the overall cumulative number of credit hours earned by the overall cumulative number of hours attempted. Pass Rates/Pace will follow standard rounding rules (e.g. 66.66% will be rounded to 67%).Required Grade Point Average:All Undergraduate and Post Baccalaureate students must achieve a minimum overall cumulative grade point average of 2.00at the end of each semester. Certain programs of study may be held to a stricter standard (e.g. most Education majors must earn an overall cumulative GPA of 2.5 at the end of each semester). Graduate students must achieve a minimum overall cumulative grade point average of 3.00 at the end of each semester. UNF grade point averages are calculated unrounded. A GPA of 1.999 is calculated as 1.99 not 2.00. For more information on how to calculate your GPA, click here. Requirement of Maximum Time Frame: Students are required to complete their degree within 150% of the published length of their program. In accordance with federal regulation, students will be suspended for exceeding the maximum time frame when it has been determined that they cannot mathematically complete their degree program within the allowable time frame. Undergraduate Students (including post-baccalaureates and student pursuing dual degree, double majors, and/or minors) - 180 attempted credit hours Graduate Students (including students pursuing second master's degrees)– Total attempted credit hours must not exceed 150% of the published hours require to complete the program.Students who violate the maximum time frame requirements may be placed in SAP suspension without being given a SAP Warning.Satisfactory Academic Progress Procedures:A student who achieves all Satisfactory Academic Progress standards is considered in Good Standing and may continue to receive Federal Student Aid.A student in Good Standing who fails to meet any of the Satisfactory Academic Progress standards will be placed on Financial Aid Warning and may continue to receive Federal Student Aid for one semester.A student on Financial Aid Warning who fails to meet any of the Satisfactory Academic Progress standards will be placed on Financial Aid Suspension and is ineligible for Federal Student Aid. A student on Financial Aid Suspension may submit an appeal. If a student on Financial Aid Suspension does not submit an appeal, or such a student submits an appeal and the appeal is denied, the student will remain on Financial Aid Suspension and is ineligible for Federal Student Aid.If an appeal for a student in Financial Aid Suspension Status is granted, the student will be placed on Financial Aid Probation for one semester and may continue to receive Federal Student Aid for one semester. If at the conclusion of the Financial Aid Probation semester Satisfactory Academic Progress standards are not met, as outlined above or according to his or her academic plan, the student will be placed on Financial Aid Suspension and is ineligible for Federal Student Aid.A student who exceeds the maximum time frame requirement and is granted a Graduation Contract must uphold the requirements of the Graduation Contract and Satisfactory Academic Progress in general order to once again be placed on Financial Aid Probation the following semester. A student on Financial Aid Probation may be required to fulfill specific terms and conditions (e.g. taking a reduced load or enrolling in specific courses) according to their academic plan.A student on Financial Aid Suspension (for reasons other than violating the maximum time frame) may re-establish their Satisfactory Academic Progress status to Good Standing without appeal by following the Re-establishing Eligibility without Appeal process.Policy for Student Appeals: If a student is ineligible for Federal Financial Aid based on the Satisfactory Academic Progress requirements, the student may appeal this decision by completing the Satisfactory Progress Appeal Form. The student will be advised in writing of the decision. If an appeal is denied at this level, the student may appeal to the Enrollment Services Appeal Committee.The following steps are required when submitting an appeal: 1. Submit the Satisfactory Progress Appeal Form signed by you and your academic/program advisor.2. Attach a signed statement explaining extenuating circumstances beyond your control that affected your academic performance.3. Provide official, supporting documentation to validate your statement. 4. Identify the steps you have taken to ensure that you will not fall below Satisfactory Academic Progress standards in the future. Be sure to specifically address how your extenuating circumstances have changed/improved.5. For students who have exceeded the maximum time frame requirement, a Graduation Contract signed by the student and the academic/program advisor must be attached to your Satisfactory Academic Progress Appeal Form. 6. Sign and date your appeal.7. Submit completed appeal and supporting documentation to One-Stop Student Services.Some examples of extenuating circumstances include, but are not limited to:1. A student's serious illness or accident that must be documented from a medical or mental health professional. 2. Death in the student's family that must be documented by providing a copy of the death certificate or obituary. 3. Other unforeseeable circumstances beyond the control of the student that directly impacted their academic performance.Appeal DeadlineAll appeals must be submitted by the Friday prior to the official last day of the term for which the student is attempting to establish eligibility. It is the responsibility of the student to decide when an appeal is appropriate and to initiate an appeal before the specified deadline. Students who plan to appeal are encouraged to do so as soon as possible after receiving the notification in order to ensure a determination of eligibility prior to becoming fee liable for the following semester.Re-establishing Eligibility Without AppealIf the student chooses not to appeal Financial Aid Suspension or a Financial Aid Suspension appeal is unsuccessful for Grade Point Average or Completion Rate credit hours earned, the student may re-establish eligibility by taking coursework at UNF and achieving all Satisfactory Academic Progress requirements. Eligibility may not be re-established without an appeal when Maximum Time Frame (150% rule) standards are violated.Subsequent Degree Programs Satisfactory Academic Progress status is typically calculated for all students after the posting of grades each semester and prior to the start of the following semester. As a result, some students beginning a new degree program in a subsequent semester, such as a second bachelor's degree or a master's degree, may be placed on Satisfactory Progress Warning or Suspension for exceeding 150% of the attempted hours needed to receive a degree, based on total hours they have attempted.Concurrent Enrollment, Study Abroad, and Exchange AgreementsHours and grades earned from other institutions as a part of Consortium, Study Abroad and/or Exchange agreements must be evaluated to verify that Satisfactory Academic Progress standards have been met. Students who take courses at another institution through Concurrent Enrollment and/or Study Abroad are required to submit transcripts from the host institution(s). These transcripts must provide final grades for the coursework approved by UNF. The hours and grades attempted and earned in approved courses will be calculated in Satisfactory Academic Progress reviews. Students should submit an official transcript and a Satisfactory Academic Progress Concurrent Enrollment/Study Abroad form to request a reevaluation of their Satisfactory Academic Progress status after transcript evaluation.Additional Information:Term ForgivenessThe original grades and hours taken during a term in which "term forgiveness" has been exercised must be included in all future Satisfactory Academic Progress calculations. This may result in a student's SAP GPA being lower than what is shown on their transcript. Satisfactory Academic Progress and Repeated CoursesRepeated courses affect a student's grade point average, maximum time frame, and completion rate Satisfactory Academic Progress requirements. Each time a course is repeated counts as an attempt and only the first time a passing grade is received counts as completion. Information about repeated coursework may be found at http://www.unf.edu.onestop/finaid/Repeated_Coursework.aspxSatisfactory Academic Progress and Dual-DegreesStudents in dual Bachelor & Master degree programs will adhere to Satisfactory Academic Progress standards according to their undergraduate or graduate grade-level distinction. For example a fourth year student in a dual-degree program will adhere to undergraduate Satisfactory Academic Progress requirements.Academic SuspensionStudents who are placed on Academic Suspension by their college will be placed on Suspension for Financial Aid Satisfactory Academic Progress. Students in Academic Suspension may not be given a SAP "Warning" term. English as a Second Language and Remedial CoursesEnglish as a Second Language (ESL) and Remedial courses are not included in a student's grade point average, maximum time frame, and completion rate Satisfactory Academic Progress requirements.How are Completion Rate, Grade Point Average, and Maximum Time Frame SAP requirements affected by incompletes, withdrawals, repeated coursework, and transfer credits?
Questions? Contact One-Stop Student Services
If you need additional information please contact One-Stop Student Services at (904) 620-5555 or in person. One-Stop is located in UNF Hall, Building 53, Suite 1700.


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Bluffton could possibly see two new schools in the near future that would incorporate curriculum based on Montessori and Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) Education.
Beaufort County School District Superintendent Jeffrey Moss said a new elementary school could house grades K-8, while the new middle/high school could house grades 6-12.
Moss said the Montessori method is an educational program for children based on theories of child development originated by Italian educator Maria Montessori in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
"It is used primarily in preschool and elementary school settings," Moss said.
Within Montessori education, Moss said children are guided in self-directed learning in classrooms that allow a maximum amount of independence.
He said the district has expanded its first Montessori education program being offered at Beaufort Elementary School.
"There is a body of research showing the academic value of the Montessori approach," Moss said.
"STEM education is vitally important because that's where the jobs are," Moss said.
Moss said almost all of the fastest-growing career fields require at least some background in STEM, and experts say that technological innovation has accounted for almost half of the nation's economic growth over the past 50 years.
He said taking science and mathematics courses would help students earn better test scores in those subjects.
New schools needed in Bluffton
The beginning of construction for the new schools would depend on the decision of Beaufort County Board of Education.
After, the new schools open, Moss said Bluffton Middle School and H.E. McCracken Middle School would revert to housing grades 6-8 and Bluffton High School would revert to a 9-12 configuration.
Currently, he said Bluffton Middle School serves grades 6-7, while H.E. McCracken Middle serves grades 8-9.
Moss said this arrangement was done three years ago to ease overcrowding problems at Bluffton High School, which currently serves grades 10-12, instead of the traditional 9-12.
In order to address the rapidly growing population of students in Bluffton, which is causing capacity problems in Bluffton schools, Moss said his recommendation to board members is to move "quickly" as possible on this proposal in order to open the new schools in late 2015 or early 2016.
Moss said Bluffton Middle School is about 35 students "shy" of reaching its 1,000-student capacity and is "forecast" to grow to 1,312 students by 2018, according to district enrollment projects.
Meanwhile, Moss said H.E. McCracken Middle School is 26 students "above" its 909-student capacity, with a projected enrollment of 1,533 by 2018.
Bluffton High School has 1,109 students with a capacity of 1, 434 and a projected enrollment of 1,621 by 2018, Moss said.
Location and cost of constructions
Moss said the district owns property that could be used for both schools.
He said property for the elementary school is on Davis Road, which is off the western end of Bluffton Parkway.
Property for the middle/high school is in the New Riverside area south of May River Road.
Moss said the district has $25 million from a voter-approved 2008 bond to fund the construction of the elementary school.
The new middle/high school would also cost $25 million, which could be raised without a tax increase by using money that South Carolina schools districts are allowed to borrow each year without a voter-approved referendum, Moss said.
Moss said school districts can borrow up to eight percent of the county's total assessed value each year.
Administrators, teachers and students
The number of teachers and administrators needed to staff both schools would be determined by the enrollment, Moss said.
He said teachers would have professional and education training in Montessori education and STEM education.
The new schools would be 'schools of choice,' Moss said.
He said parents would decided to enroll their children in the schools.
"The curricula offered at the schools would be driven by the desires of parents and the community," Moss said.
Moss said students from the district could take advantage of programs at both schools, although students from Bluffton and Hilton Head would be given preference.
He said the middle/high school would include a focus on "college and career ready programs," which would allow students to be able to graduate with an industry credential and two years of college credit.
Community leader backs proposal
"Our world has become increasingly driven by technology, and in order for our students to compete in the global workplace, they need the skills derived from a STEM education," said Karen Lavery, a member of Bluffton Town Council.
Lavery is also a member of the Strategic Planning committee for Beaufort County schools.
STEM skills are the elements we will need for a well trained technically competent workforce, Lavery said.
"The best jobs, and our ability to compete in the global marketplace are linked to STEM," Lavery said. "The jobs that we want to come to Bluffton are the technology jobs, and this is what STEM places emphasis on."
School choices for parents
Jay Ragley, director of legislative and public affairs at the South Carolina Department of Education said STEM and Montessori programs provide additional educational options for parents to consider. Ragley said increasing parental options has been a priority for State Superintendent of Education Mick Zais. Ragley said any South Carolina school district that provides more choices for parents is taking a step in the right direction.
What: Special Beaufort County Board of Education meeting
When: 6 p.m. Tuesday
Where: Bluffton High School auditorium
Details: 843-322-2300


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Column: Tuition Hikes Leave College Grads Economically Vulnerable
The South Dakota Board of Regents has approved a tuition and fees hike of 4.4%, which will amount to about $335 in increased costs for students in the state's public universities. This brings the average cost for an in-state student with a full course load to $7,900 a year.
Yearly tuition hikes have become commonplace in this country. This year's increase is just slightly above the average for state institutions nationwide, which is about 4.2%. Compare that to the overall inflation rate, which is likely to be around 1.5% when finally tallied.
Since 1978 the increase in tuition expense has far outpaced the cost of living. To put this in context, healthcare costs, which everyone understands to have been rising like crazy, rose at roughly double the rate of inflation over the past 35 years. In comparison, tuition expenses outpaced inflation increases by four times over the same time period.
Since most students have to borrow at least some money to afford these rising rates, the end result of these tuition increases has been an explosion in student loan debt. Student loan debt now amounts to more than a trillion dollars, surpassing credit card debt.
Having a large student loan balance can prove to be a significant burden especially for recent college graduates who are having more trouble getting started in a career than their counterparts from earlier years. Even when they do find work, it is usually at entry level pay, and younger employees are usually the easiest to layoff. While the current overall unemployment rate is 7.6%, it is 13.3% for ages 20-24. Recent college graduates are especially vulnerable to economic downturns if they have substantial amounts of student loans to repay. If you can't find work in your field, something many college grads discover is an unfortunate reality, good luck trying to repay your student loans on what they pay at Starbucks.
Unlike credit card debt, failure to repay student loans can result in wage garnishment and confiscation of tax refunds. In the event that someone declares bankruptcy, student loans cannot usually be expunged unless they are in prolonged default, usually for more than 7 years.
The student loan crisis puts recent tuition hikes in a new light. Pursuing an education does not just provide an individual benefit; it has positive consequences for society as whole and therefore ought to be encouraged. With the global competition the US faces, it is not as though we can afford individually, or as a country, to have fewer of citizens going to university.
It is unconscionable that our educational system is structured in such a way as to burden the majority of its graduates with significant levels of debt at the height of their sensitivity to economic fluctuations. There needs to be a moratorium on college tuition hikes for a good, long time; after which pegging tuition hikes to inflation would be a wise move. However, the real problem isn't going away until we get serious as a country about ensuring that less of the expense falls on the individual, and increase state funding of higher education.
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of John Gossom and do not reflect Results Radio, Townsquare Media, its sponsors or subsidiaries.


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No Life in Small Caps: New Highs for S&P 500, Dow Industrials; Russell 2000 Smacked
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The Dow Jones Industrial Average and S&P 500 squeaked out new highs today, while the Nasdaq Composite and small caps dropped, following stronger-than-forecast manufacturing data out of China and a U.S. manufacturing survey that had to be corrected twice. Caterpillar (CAT) and Broadcom (BRCM) gained, while Express Scripts (ESRX) and Puma Biotechnology (PBYI) tumbled.
The S&P 500 rose 0.1% to 1,924.97 today, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average gained 0.2% to 16,743.63. The Nasdaq Composite fell o.1% to 4,237.20, while the Russell 2000 life as a laggard continued as the index of small-company stocks fell 0.5% to 1,128.90.
The Dow Jones Industrial Average was led higher by Caterpillar, which benefited from optimism surrounding China after the PMI for the world's second largest economy rose to 50.8 in May, beating forecasts for 50.6. Caterpillar gained 1.5% to $103.76 today.
The S&P 500 was boosted by Broadcom, which gained 9.3% to $34.84 today. Broadcom said it would look to exit its "baseband processor business."
The Nasdaq was dragged down by Express Scripts, which fell 2% to $70.04 today. Express Scripts was downgraded to Market Perform from Outeperform at Cowen.
The Russell 2000 was hit by Puma Biotechnology, which plunged 25% to $57.06 today. Puma plunged after releasing clinical trial results for a cancer drug.
The mixed market came after the Institute for Supply Management had to correct its May manufacturing index not once but twice and left you wondering whether Goldilocks was doing the math. The initial reading of the index came in too low at 53.2. The second reading of 56 was too high. The final reading of 55.4 was just right. Marketfield's Michael Shaoul asses the ISM's miscues:
[This] entire episode is a useful reminder in the fact that data is not some mythological truth but a product of surveys, rounding errors and seasonal adjustments. The ISM is actually generally fairly reliable as a source (it certainly beats the Census Bureau or the BLS in terms of restatements and revisions) but this survey was never intended to be more than a monthly "temperature gauge" of the manufacturing sector and not the sort of market moving signal that it has become in recent years.
Sterne Agee's Carter Braxton Worth worries about small-company stocks:
As recently as early March the Russell 2000...was dominated by endless "Vulnerable-Extended" Sells: stocks in steep, uncorrected uptrends trading far above their respective smoothing mechanisms (their 150-day moving averages). Three months later, virtually all of these former high flyers are littered on the ground in various states of disrepair...So much
damaged has been sustained, in fact, that the smoothing mechanism of the Russell 2000 itself now is flat. As such, the Index has morphed from a "Vulnerable-Extended" Sell just a few months ago to a "Bullish-to-Bearish" Reversal Sell at time of this writing. By our work, the Index is likely to decline to the 1050+/- level (-7.5% from Friday's close) in the days/weeks ahead.
Could this be the beginning of a beautiful selloff?