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Monday, February 11, 2013
The Only Thing You Need to Know to Heal from Your Husband's Affair
We go down this mental list ruthlessly, assigning scores. Is my body better or worse? Am I older or younger? Prettier or uglier? Fatter or skinnier? Smarter or dumber? Kinder or meaner? More successful or less?
We demand details from our husbands about the entire affair. It's not that we're total masochists. It's part of our score-keeping. Did he give her gifts and were they thoughtful or thoughtless? Take her to nicer restaurants? Was the sex better? Was she more sexually adventurous?
The thing is, once we've compiled our scorecards (and exhausted our husbands), we're often baffled. The results often just don't add up.
And it's then, with the agonizing details of our husband's affair nagging at our tired brains and the lash marks still fresh from our self-flagellation, that we finally understand the most surprising and misunderstood thing about most affairs: They have nothing to do with us.
Well, that's not entirely true. Of course they have something to do with us. We're, after all, the ones at home putting the kids to bed, or paying the bills, or making sure dinner includes all four food groups. Without a wife, a husband isn't cheating, he's dating.
But it doesn't have anything to do with us specifically.
Here are the reasons we believe our husbands cheated:
•We're old and our boobs sag.
•We wear ratty pajamas to bed instead of silky negligee.
•We've let ourselves "go".
•He's seen us give birth.
•He's seen us at our worst.
•We haven't given him a blow job since the first Bush administration.
•Our hair has gone grey.
•Our idea of a big night is watching back-to-back episodes of Downton Abby.
Here are the real reasons he cheated:
•He thinks he's old and his boobs sag.
•His boss makes him feel like an idiot.
•He's let himself go.
•Watching you give birth has made him realize he's responsible for a vulnerable little soul.
•You've seen him at his worst.
•He misses blow jobs.
•His hair has gone grey.
•He lies awake at night worrying about growing old. About dying. About "missing out."
•He's never really examined his pain at his parent's divorce. His father's absence. His mother's criticism. His unrealized dreams.
Of course, I'm simplifying for sake of universality. But the point is...his affair wasn't about you. The wife, to put it bluntly, is just collateral damage.
It boggles the mind. I once asked my husband what he was thinking about me when he was driving to the OW's apartment for an early-morning romp. His response? "I wasn't." At first I was furious. How could he NOT be thinking about me. How could he NOT be feeling guilty that I was at home, trying to cram toddlers into snowsuits, persuade a preschooler to brush her teeth, clean up from breakfast even though I'd been up four times in the night to soothe restless tots. Surely, I imagined, he was telling himself something about me. Nope, he wasn't. Nothing. Nada. I had faded into the background and he was looking firmly ahead.
His response is surprisingly common among men who've had affairs. They really weren't thinking about us. They really didn't cheat because our boobs sag. In fact, they hadn't noticed that our boobs sagged. They were too busy distracting themselves from their own failings by being flattered that someone seemed interested in them. They were remembering that they could feel sexy. Interesting. Smart.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Affairs are about the reflection seen in the eyes of the affair partner. They're about fantasy. They're about ego. They're not necessarily about upgrading to a newer sexier model.
This is, shockingly, good news.
You don't have to be beautiful, smart, charming, warm-hearted, etc. to keep your husband from cheating. In fact, even if you are all those things (and you are! You are!), it won't make a whit of difference if your husband is looking outside of himself to heal things inside himself.
Good news because even though you might want to give your marriage a makeover in the wake of an affair, you don't need to give yourself a makeover.
Because, again, this had nothing to do with you. And everything to do with him.
50 comments:
- AnonymousFebruary 12, 2013 at 12:12 PM
New here. Great post. Succinct and to the point. Agree with all the points. Sometimes the hardest trials in life have the simplest answers. Just like losing weight. You want to lose weight? Eat less and exercise more. One last comment I would add to his list of problems. I believe most cheaters are either narcissists or have strong narcissistic tendencies. Any body that can carry on with that kind of behavior with no regard to the collateral damage to their families have great personality flaws.ReplyDeleteReplies
Welcome. Glad you found us.Delete
And thanks for your thoughts.
I hear from a lot of people that their cheating partner was narcissistic, though I wouldn't say that was the case in my situation. I'm inclined to think that narcissists are highly likely to cheat...but that all who cheat aren't necessarily narcissists.
But yes, it does boggle the mind how someone can lie and deceive with such little regard for those affected. As one betrayer has recently posted, he really had no idea how much damage his affair would cause. He's genuinely shocked. And I've often said on this site that I never dreamed how traumatized I would be by my spouse's affair. I was of the "I'd kick him out" mindset, thinking I'd wash my hands of him and be done with it. But, as too many of us know, it's not quite as simple as that. Whether we stay or separate/divorce, we have much emotional pain to slog through.
- AnonymousFebruary 13, 2013 at 7:56 PM
Almost 4 years after D-Day, I am first now coming to terms with growing up with a Narcissistic MOTHER (or, as some put it, Borderline Personality Disorder). The irony is, through this I came to realize my dad married "his mother" (who was universally acknowledged to be a witch by my cousins. She died before I was born). In examining this, I came to realize my husband married HIS mother (me!). His affair was his avoidance of my percieved narcissistic tendencies. I also realized that the Other Woman can be the Narcissist preying upon the vulnerabilities of the husband(s). It's as much an entitlement mentality in their minds as anything. Ironic that in avoiding examining their own personality flaws, and avoiding what they perceive (falsely) as YOU victimizing them, they often open themselves to a greater victimization.Delete
Like you, once I had enough distance (emotional and time) from my husband's betrayal, I was able to see a lot of things in my life more clearly. I could see that my mother, despite her alcoholism, was a better mother to me than HER mother had ever been to her. I was able to see that my husband also perceived me to think like his mother, though she and I have completely different lenses through which we view life. He built resentment toward me based on stories he was telling himself. Not based on me at all. Even now we struggle with him getting angry for what he thinks I'm thinking...rather than what I'm actually thinking.Delete
It's really quite interesting and I often note how much wiser we are post-betrayal. It's a silver lining perhaps.
It sounds as if you've done a lot of examination of patterns in your family, which will certainly help you ensure that the cycle stops.
- AnonymousFebruary 12, 2013 at 1:29 PM
I don't think my cheater was a narcissist either - rather the opposite actually. Instead of having an excessively inflated opinion of himself, he seemed to have an excessively negative opinion of himself.ReplyDelete
Your posts are always so timely, Elle. I just started anti-depressants and they seem to be making it possible for me to see beyond my own misery and consider the things he's been telling me: serious depression, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, repressed anger, blaming me for his unhappiness because he couldn't/wouldn't take responsibility for it himself.
Today, for flashes of moments, I have felt like the affair was something that happened rather than EVERYTHING. Does that make sense? I actually get afraid when this happens - healing scares me. Does this feeling mean I'm accepting what he did? That I'm making it ok? But I have to rationally stop and tell myself that I have very clear expectations: he will continue in therapy, we will continue in therapy - and even then I can't say that in the long run it will be enough to make me stay. But for moments today, I finally feel a bit of distance between me and the awful events.
My husband tells me over and over that the affair was about escaping himself, numbing himself, masking how he felt about himself. He says she could have been anybody - it wasn't about me and it wasn't about her either. It wasnt that she was so special or better than me - it was that she was convenient and was the slowest moving of the herd, as broken as he was and thus he didnt feel inferior to her as he did with me. We refer to her as "the symptom" - like the bloody cough of tuberculoisis, she wasn't what almost killed us but she sure was the outward sign. What almost - and may yet - kill us was my husbands internal wounds.
I laughed out loud at your "slowest moving of the herd" reference. That's so perfect. That's EXACTLY what so many of these Other Women are. And yes, many of them are just as broken or they wouldn't tolerate the scraps they get from these men.Delete
I understand your reticence about healing. But you gaining perspective and letting in a sliver of light isn't letting your husband off the hook. It's letting YOURSELF off the hook. It's giving yourself the chance to life rather than survive. You being depressed doesn't serve anyone.
In fact, I would argue that you having a clearer perspective will improve your ability to insist on what you need to move forward.
What your husband describes is so familiar and the common refrain of the unfaithful husband. I'm not saying it's not true. I suspect it's all too true. Reminds me of what someone said once that "hurt people hurt people."
I'm so glad to know that the medication is doing exactly what it's intended to do. And making clear to you that (as a friend of the site and soon-to-be guest blogger said) healing happens when we can stop asking "why did this happen to me?" and start asking "why did this happen?"
"slowest moving of the herd"Delete
Hah, I still refer to the OW as the camel faced whore! Thanks for the Valentines Day laugh!
Leslie, you are not alone. I share your confusion. How do we move on and heal while making it clear that the cheating was NOT OK, IS NEVER OK and WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. I was in a group of friends who told me that I was a bad example for wives and my daughters because I took my husband back. That really hurt. As if I didn't feel conflicted enough?! I still hurts but I know that I have made a commitment to healing and truly forgiving. Not because I am a saint or so religious but because I cannot carry this burden of pain anymore. I cannot empower the cheater and the OW anymore by allowing them to bully me anymore with the pain of insecurity, humiliation and rage that this affair brought into my life. Elle is right... HE was the one hurt (work, my higher income, frustration of fatherhood...blah blah blah) and he sought out in the OW someone who was damaged too. In trying to help him heal I am healing myself (I hope.)
I am only one year past DDAY so I am nowhere near healing. Elle and blogs like hers help. I have had some setbacks but committing to staying positive, counseling and learning to be independent (in my case not having ANY friends support me) has been very helpful.
Happy Valentines Day fellow BW. Betrayed we may be but we also f'g ROCK! We are sexy, smart, and just plain AWESOME! Our CS's already got the best present they ever had when they married us. In celebration of us on Vday I am taking the day off to buy myself a new purse and perhaps get a mani/pedi! Followed by a nice cocktail. Cheers friends!
Flaca --Delete
Woo hoo! To you and the rest of us!
You are absolutely right. None of us knows what we're made of until we're tested.
One year out, you sound absolutely great. A lot further along the road to healing than I was at that point.
Your "friends" absolutely infuriate me. And I'll venture to say, they're not your friends. Friends don't judge others or shame others. They support them. I believe that a lot of people support the "kick him to the curb" approach because they, mistakenly, see it as more powerful. And infidelity makes a lot of us feel powerless, even those who haven't experienced (but know it could happen). So believing that we'd kick the bum out makes us believe we hold the power.
It's a fantasy of course. I always thought I'd kick anyone out who cheated on me. Famous last words.
And, finally, the right path isn't necessarily the easy path. You've chosen to stay with your husband, which is the right path for you right now. That's nobody's business but yours, and nobody can possible know what's best for you except you.
I think the example you're setting to other women and your daughters is that sometimes good people do bad things. And when they take responsibility for it and do their very best to make repairs, we learn from it and grow from it.
Your kids will make mistakes in their lives. And I hope they've learned from you and your husband that owning up to them and seeking to make amends is a mature and responsible thing to do.
That said, each of us has to find our own path through this. For some, leaving (or asking him to leave) is the best thing. But no-one should propose that there's only one right way to deal with a spouse's betrayal.
I hope you find new -- and true -- friends. I suspect you will.
Happy Valentine's Day, Flaca. Enjoy the shoes, the fancy nails...and the cocktail.
- AnonymousFebruary 12, 2013 at 3:04 PM
There is a difference between being a narcissist and having narcissistic tendencies. Anyone who blames others for their own failures is exhibiting narcissistic traits. We all have them. It's part of our survival but we don't act on them in destructive ways ie cheating, drug/alcoholism, gambling etc. I would encourage anyone trying to heal read/google narcissism. I think you will be surprised. Not all narcissists drive around in corvettes and look at themselves in the mirror all the time. They don't all have inflated views of themselves. I'm just saying...ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 14, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Happy Valentine's Day, ladies! My husband didn't mention it this am so we're off to a great start. My therapist asked what I'd like from him today, and I said a nice note. But I don't want to have to tell him to do that. So she told me I might write him a note instead. Isn't that always the way--we have to do the work! I said I couldn't do it, felt too vulnerable and giving to me. But then I went and wrote one. Just saying I am glad we're still together and I hope we stay this new way that we are. He says that I don't always show him I think he's special, so I touched on that, too. Now, I just need the balls to give it to him....ReplyDelete
I soooo know how you're feeling. It's so hard, dealing with infidelity, to feel as if it's still up to YOU to reach out your hand. And it's tempting to nurse your hurt feelings and resentment. However...I'm going to suggest you just give him the note. No expectations that he'll receive it with great love and gratitude. No expectations of reciprocation. Just a note written with the purpose of giving him the love you nonetheless feel, even after everything.
I know how vulnerable you feel. But I suspect that comes from a fear of rejection. Or disappointment. Doing your best to eliminate any expectation allows you to give so much more freely and easily. And it frees him up to receive your gift without fear too. Fear that he doesn't deserve it. Fear that he's now expected to do something that he doesn't quite know how to do, or if he'll be rejected.
The dance between such hurt partners is fraught. Like dancing in a minefield. But you can at least control your part of it.
It was one of the hardest parts for me to accept and understand. That I can never control another person's feelings or actions. Even now I struggle with it. But when I "get" it, I'm able to deal with everyone (my moody daughter, my depressed father, my husband...) so much better. I'm able to see that their issues aren't mine. That their problems are THEIR problems. It's my job to remind them that they're loved.
I hope you can give yourself the gift of generosity and kindness.
Nothing to do with me? I sort of get that now, but I think there will always be a part of me that beats myself up for not paying attention, for missing all the red flags. They were everywhere, during the EA, before the PA and I ignored them. I could've...No SHOULD'VE...seen what was right in front of my face.ReplyDelete
That's not really the same thing as the affair being my fault in anyway, but I gotta own where I screwed up, too. I need to face all of the reasons he cheated.
I totally agree that the A was all about him. Even if I was the world's worst wife, sagging boobs, work obsessed, ratty sweats and a lousy lover (for the record...I was none of those. I was and still am a pretty damn great wife! Just sayin'...) cheating is NEVER the answer.
Communication is key and WE lost that somewhere along the way in our 30 years together.Replies
I'm curious why you think you "should" have seen the signs. I think I know what you mean. We often feel kinda stupid that we missed what, in hindsight, was glaringly obvious. I just think, by saying "should", you're being really judgemental of yourself. My guess is you did the best you could at that point. And not wanting to see something incredibly painful is pretty human.
However, it sounds as if you've come to an acknowledgement that you could have done things differently...and clearly he could have too. Painful lesson learned.
Sometimes it takes a two-by-four to smack us into realization.
When I say should, I'm not trying to beat myself up, I'm just facing reality. As much as I want to lay it all at FWH's feet, I NEED to own my part. I'm not saying my part was a pass for FWH to cheat..NO WAY! I'm just saying, there's a chance, even if minuscule, that I could have preempted the whole deal.Delete
The part I'm referring to is the large gaping hole in our communication skills that developed before the A. We'd been married 30 years. We became complaisant. I was oblivious to what was happening to him. I SHOULD have seen that the man I have loved for over half of my life was changing drastically right in front me. I missed it all.
It's not that I didn't want to see...I didn't even freakin' LOOK! It took a friend of mine to get me to open my eyes.
So, it's not about blame. It's about being honest with myself. I expect him to learn from all this pain, so I need to do the same.
Wow. Your ability to really take a hard look at yourself in this light is quite amazing. You're an inspiration to all of us. Thank-you.Delete
I agree 100% with everything you're writing here, Elle, but there's also a part of me deep down that thinks that if I had been a better wife this wouldn't have happened. (Geez, feels weird to even type that!?) My husband was a good guy. At one point several months before the A started we even had a conversation that he didn't ever want to become like one of his many friends who have As, but he felt that our s-x life was lacking, that his feelings weren't heard, etc. He tried to communicate his pain to me, and I didn't listen. I didn't want to see that we had problems. I was too focused on things being perfect and my own issues (that I didn't feel 'special') that I just ignored his feelings. And then he had an affair to feel wanted. It was not the right thing to do - I know that and he knows that too. Having an affair was entirely his fault - bar none - but I can't help but feel deep down that if I had been responsive to his conversations then maybe this wouldn't have happened. I'm working on our relationship now, but sometimes (especially lately) it feels like spilled milk. S-x is worse now than it's ever been (mind movies galore for me!) and now I feel I can't fully open myself up to him.ReplyDelete
A new girlfriend of mine commented the other night that my husband is really great. "A catch" she said - he's so focused on me & our little family. She's unhappy with her husband at the moment so was making a contrast. My first mental thought - "he may be great NOW & your husband might not be great now, but did your husband cheat on you?' Will my first thought always be about his cheating?
Sorry for the ramble. About to head to MC together after a couple rough nights. Not the best Valentine's Day (today marks the 15 year anniversary of our first kiss too)!Replies
I certainly get your point. A few BWClubbers have mentioned the same thing. But, as I said in my post, this is what YOU need to know to heal. It's the first step in being able to separate out yourself from the affair. As long as wives are comparing themselves to the OW, we can't heal ourselves.Delete
That said, in order to heal the marriage, we certainly need to own our part is the breakdown of it.
To me, it's two very different steps. Step one is to stop beating ourselves up for not being _______ enough, assuming that if we were whatever it is, our husbands wouldn't have cheated. Step two is looking at the marriage and figuring out whether it's worth salvaging -- and that includes our part in what sort of shape it was in prior to the affair.
It's interesting too how our perspective shifts. At first we tend to look at the external -- were we pretty enough, successful enough, skinny enough. And yet, after we really understood what the affair was about, we begin wondering if we listened enough, supported enough, doted enough.
While I think it's crucial for us to acknowledge our role in the marriage, I nonetheless wonder if women (generally speaking) are more inclined to take responsibility. If, perhaps, it's a way of feeling back in control after feeling sooooo out of control.
Just a thought...
Re. your friend's comment: I have a friend who doesn't know about the affair who often remarks on how great my husband is and how "lucky" I am. I know, in the grand scheme of things, I am lucky. I have healthy kids, fresh water from a tap, a job I love, etc. But the comment nonetheless chafes. Perhaps it's because it makes me feel fraudulent.
Well said!! This is absolutely the most important blog post ever written on surviving a husband's infidelity! I think that for me, just one year out from the first d-day, I have really gotten to understand this to my core. And yes, you are absolutely correct! That is the most important thing we need to know to heal.ReplyDelete
For those of us whose husband's infidelity really did include us (read my blog for the gory details) it is a bit harder to fathom but still I tell myself it had nothing to do with me. Yes, I was "collateral damage". Very hard bit of truth to swallow and not choke on, but thank you for your great insight. You helped many many women today.
- AnonymousFebruary 17, 2013 at 6:22 AM
Ladies, I am new here and not sure how to post my intitial blog. I am a soldier in afghanistan right now and my husband started cheating 9 days after I left him and my two year old son. Its six months in now and I am finally able to come to terms. Its with a woman I thought was a friend and she used her kids to get my husband to do play dates. She and him swore they were frineds and I believed it until he started pawning my son off on my family 3 nights a week and he is sleeping at her house. He keeps my son away from her but continues to deny everything. I have picture, videos, cell records. I am playing stupid till I get home but its hard. Any advice.ReplyDelete
I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. The last thing you need is something like this playing in the back of your mind while you're doing such a difficult job. I'm so so sorry for what you're going through.
And, though I'm usually able to muster up some empathy for the cheating spouse, in this case I'm ready to castrate the bastard.
You sound so...sane. I'm guessing it's part of your training to learn to compartmentalize. Is there any counselling available to you there – so you can integrate what's happening at home and start to process it? Why are you "playing stupid?" Have you thought about what you want when you return home? Are you interested in reconciliation?
I'm not sure what sort of advice you're after so I'll offer the best advice I can for now. Take care of yourself. Keep yourself safe as best as possible. Trust that you'll always know the next right thing to do. Don't think too far down the road. Just get home...
- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2013 at 3:12 AM
Im playing stupid to allow him to hang himself. I have more than enough evidence but flipping out and causing him stress makes a stressful environment for my son. Im ready to castrate him as well. For a long time I felt like we could work it out but now its gone on to long. I will never trust him again. They think there funny. Everyone sees them together and she changed her FB status to in a realtionship, really are you proud its with a married man whos wife has not idea. Im more shocked at her. She is a mother, dragging her kids in this mess. What woman does that to another woman. Apparently a lot. Thanks, i am seeing the chaplain and I am really staying sane. Not sure how, maybe with prayer. This site is wonderful and it makes me feel less alone in this mess.
Yes, your approach makes sense. And I have no idea how women do this to other women (or men to women, or women to men, etc.). Except that it generally comes down to people who feel entitled in some way. Who feel that they "deserve" it, either because they feel like they never get what they want or that other people get what should be theirs. It's people who are messed up. And who don't stop to think about what it's doing to their children, or your children, or really anyone but themselves.Delete
You've got the upper hand in that you'll have had the chance to formulate your next moves without him knowing. So you'll have the advantage of surprise. Both of them are likely in for a shock, though I never quite know what cheaters think is going to happen. Surely they know that, at some point, something's gotta give.
Hang in there. I'm glad you found us. This site was created for exactly the reason you're here. Because I felt alone and crazy...and once I was feeling better, I didn't want others going through the same thing to feel alone and crazy. We're neither. There's a lot of us, here to guide others through, hold their hands, acknowledge their pain and remind them that the day will come when life will be once again look bright.
Stay safe.
- AnonymousJune 9, 2013 at 10:18 PM
THIS OTHER WOMN KNOWS YOU THATS TERRIBLE !!!!!!! IF IT WASNT FOR YOU WE WOULDNT BE SAFE YOUR A FIGHTER IN EVERY WAY KEEP THAT HEAD UP AND KNOW THAT YOUR THE BETTER WOMAN IN EVERY WAY .......I FOUND UT ABOUT MY HUSBANDS A WHEN I WAS 3 MONTHS PREGNANT .I KNOW MEN CHEAT BUT HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN A NUTSHELL FOR ABOUT 7 MONTHS I FOUND OUT AND CONFRONTED HER .SHE SPOKE TO ME AND WAS MORE THEN HAPPY TO TELL ALL AND NOW I SAY TO MYSELF WHO WOULDNT FEEL SHAME TO SPEAK WITH ANOTHER MANS WIFE WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE .......BUT ITS CLEAR SHE WASNT TOO SWIFT SAYING SHE HAD NO IDEA .I TOLD HER WHEN YOU DONT MEET FAMILY OR SEE YOUR BOYFRIENDS HOUSE OR NEVER MEET A FRIEND YOU WOULD BE THE SIDE PIECE TAKE NOTES .....WITH ALL THIS SAID I HAVE 2 KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY VERY CONFUSED ..........I DONT WANT TO STAY ,TOO MUCH FOR MEDelete
- AnonymousApril 20, 2017 at 10:35 PM
Just found this site and reading through a bit. Almost 2 years since D-Day and wow, have you hit the nail on the head with the whole 'they feel like they "deserve" it.' Her email starts with fierypassion, so yeah she's a very messed up and self-hating individual. Considering she has to fake a birthday party for herself cause no-one will actually give her one even though she has 2 kids and a grandkid I should feel sorry for her, but nope I just want to point out what a whoring B she is and how much she deserves to be alone and unloved, mawhahaha. She has a YouTube account I could totally do it, but I try very hard to be better then she ever thought to be.Delete
OW knew him in High School over 30 years ago, she was overweight even then. He was popular and ignored her while having sex with whoever he could. Found him on MySpace, then followed him over to Facebook. She's divorced, TWICE, and about 300 lbs, so huge boobs. When I first found out she contacted him I told him she was out to ruin his life, what with the whole 'I've loved you since High School' poem she wrote him it was obvious she wanted to get him to have sex with her. Didn't follow up cause I trusted the idiot, stupid me.
She constantly sent him tit pics, and vids, plus tons of sex texts via Facebook, but it still took her 3 years to get him into a hotel room. He says he would have broke it off after, one reason was cause just looking at her in the hotel room his thoughts were more 'Gods I hope she doesn't get naked' then anything else, but she offered him a deep throat next trip. So off he went cause he wouldn't want to pass that up, and of course no fear of not being able to keep/get it up.
It was after their third sexual encounter, in which he had a very hard time actually getting hard enough to do anything lol, that I saw a bit of the messages he and her had been having, and boy did his life come crashing down around his ears.
It's hard, what with her being everywhere online (yes, she's very 'look at me, look at me') but he's very honest about what went down between them, even though he's afraid of my reaction. Plus he's admitted that it's his fault. Apparently he felt like a failure and she stroked his ego with her whole 'you're awesome' routine.
He actually came to me the other day to tell me a friend had emailed him. It's a girl who he was also texting during that time, but one who always had her husband with her when they ran races, or went hiking. Only she's also one who he kept secret from me, though I have met her, I just didn't realize how close they actually were until after D-Day. I thought they were just casual acquaintances that ran together sometimes. He texted her often throughout the day without me knowing, and tried to continue that for a few months after D-Day. I packed his things in less than 5 minutes the last time I caught him hiding a message from her so he knows that it's important. Still I consider yesterday a big step for him as he readily admitted he was scared of what I was going to do seeing as it has been almost 5 months since the last time he had talked to her.
Considering that one email I found from her had the subject line 'Topless' (no, not her it was actually a pic of her topless jeep, but yeah a tad suggestive imho), and this one has her going on about how she misses her 'my hubby's name here' time she's getting kicked to the curb if I have my way.
Sorry for all you've been going through...but glad you found us. Yes, there's plenty on this site to help you navigate your way to healing. As for "if I have my way...", you should have your way. He's asking you to forgive betrayal. YOU get to set the terms of that, not him.
- AnonymousApril 21, 2017 at 5:08 PM
I hear you there, and in a lot of things I do get my way. He didn't break it off with the OW fast enough for me, he felt sorry for her. He left at first cause we were in too much pain and he figured that was the only way to save the marriage, plus he had to end it with her and block her in his own time. At least he didn't meet up with her during that time even though she pleaded with him numerous times before he blocked her. He left again, after coming back, cause he felt trapped and wanted to know if he could live without me. Heh, that didn't work out at all well for him but he did come home saying that it was all his fault. That was a complete change from his view point when he left. He really hated who he saw when he took a real good look at himself during that time.I now have control of his new Facebook page, not in his real name, and all his passwords. I, personally, could of done without the leaving part but looking back I think it was what has actually saved our marriage for the most part.Delete
I was trying real hard not to overreact with this woman as she and her husband were his only running/hiking friends, but those two emails just seem a tad too inappropriate to me. He really didn't want to follow up on the last few messages she sent 5 months ago, but one of the last ones said she thought he was dead so we sat together and told her he wasn't he was just focusing on his marriage. She does know something went down, he told everyone we were fighting, so she let that go. He doesn't seem real interested in even reading this current email, I ended up doing that and deleting it. He's not even asked where it went. My worry is she knows where he works and she may show up there and he won't tell me, sigh huge trigger.
Yes, I read the post about obsession over and over. It really helps to know I'm not alone. Especially when I know things like he got to the point of drinking 6 or more bottles of wine a week, and was watching porn the whole time he was texting her. This totally stopped once he had her blocked and gone from his life, and these days he says she was part of that addiction, his own personal porn girl. Boy, do I so want to tell her how little he thought of her. How he didn't even care if she was satisfied or not. Little things like that, sigh. I just live in the knowledge that I got her banned from Facebook cause of her tit pics and vids to him and that's actually the best/worst I can do. Other then that forget her cause she hates & loathes herself more then I probably know, considering this is not her first time doing this (she had 4 tattoos before D-Day, 5 two days after he told her I had found out, so apparently she keeps score that way). I just wish I could get YouTube to take down the whole 'Between the distance I fear, and the pain of you not being here, our love is strong enough to make it through cause I only have enough space in my heart for one and I've given it to you' that she put up after he blocked her. Gag me!
Thanks for being willing to share. I will be back.
- AnonymousFebruary 19, 2013 at 3:30 AM
It's been 7 months and 2 days since d-day. We got back together after I kicked him out. He couldn't throw her under the bus fast enough, so your words are ringing true for me. He is trying harder than I would have thought him capable of, but I've had a rough go of it. I still obsess and go into a spin some days, despite individual and couples therapy and support from friends. Today and yesterday were hard. I found your blog when I couldn't sleep tonight and was grateful to you for being here. Just wanted to say thank you, Elle.ReplyDelete
Welcome and...you're welcome. I was still pretty messed up seven months out. In fact, it took me a long, long time for the clouds to part and even a crack of sunlight to peek through. In my case, my husband's affair triggered long dormant issues of my own around abandonment, fear and mistrust. In hindsight I can see my husband's betrayal as spurring me toward a healing that was long overdue. I'm able to see a silver lining in all that pain.ReplyDelete
Hang in there. I'm glad you found us. It's crucial, I think, to have a support network of people who can give voice to your experience...and give you space to talk about your feelings among people who completely get it.
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2013 at 7:38 PM
I'm glad I found this website. Although my experience is somewhat different in that there are many women, not just one. Just over three weeks ago I found out about the first affair (which was mostly physical, as far as I know) - and since then I've had revelation after revelation of many, many others (which I only found out about because of my constant questioning - things didn't add up). I now know it's been going on the entire length of our relationship - 15 years - so I know it is definitely not about me. It's about my husband having low self-esteem, and using these women (even when he's paying them) to stroke his ego. But when I found out about the first one, I asked the same questions: was it because I wore ugly slippers? Was it because he'd seen me give birth, because he saw me breastfeeding?ReplyDeleteReplies
I'm so sorry. I just noticed your comment. I would have loved to respond sooner. Like yours, my husband had many affair partners (or sex partners, more truthfully) for the duration of our marriage. I found out at about 12 years in. And you're right -- it is completely about him.Delete
Is he in treatment for sex addiction? Are you reconciling or separating?
That's ok! Yes, he's in treatment for sex addiction. He sees a therapist and goes to SA group meetings. We have separated - at my suggestion, after I realised we weren't just dealing with one recent affair but a whole lifetime of deception - but are both wanting to reconcile.Delete
It is 7 weeks past D-Day for me, and like the person commenting below, I also wonder if I am recovering too soon. I feel positive most days, apart from a few trigger thoughts; I am grateful for what I do have - a husband who wants to reconcile and is really trying hard to recover; and I know his behaviour is not about me, and am confident I can be happy with or without him in the future. I feel like I have the power since he desperately wants to be back at home with me and our baby. Without wanting to offend anyone else on this site, I also feel grateful that he hasn't had an emotional affair, and isn't wanting to leave me for someone else, however misguided that might be. I know it seems strange that I could be grateful for dealing with 'just' sex addiction (ha!).
I certainly was not like this in the beginning - I was a complete mess for several weeks, and don't know how I would've got through without anti-depressants, sedatives and my mother. I definitely had my moments of identifying with Lorena Bobbitt. But now ... I think I'm actually happy. Is that weird?! We have our first joint therapy session tomorrow, so I realise how early this is still. I read the book you recommended - 'Mending a Shattered Heart' - and felt like I got at least 10 therapy sessions out of it! I know this is going to be a long road either way. But I know I'm not going to be defeated by this.
That's wonderful. I'm so glad that you're feeling empowered and positive. We all travel this path at different speeds. We'll sometimes feel as if we're not moving, moving too slowly, moving backward, moving forward. But that's okay. There's no right way to get past this.
Like you, I felt better when I learned of the sex addiction. It was like, suddenly, that final puzzle piece, which had been baffling me, made the whole picture more clear. I got exactly what I was dealing with...and could therefore determine how to proceed.
Keep us posted. It's a tough road. And sex addiction, of course, carries with it the risk of acting out again. But as long as he gets completely clear on what his triggers are and why he used sex to self-medicate, he can move past it too.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Thank you to all of you for sharing. This is the friendliest site I have come across. I am 6 weeks out from D-Day. At this point, I feel like I have been wearing blinders for the last 13 years. First, I completely trusted him because he had been cheated and said he would never hurt anyone that way. Second, it happened three months before D-Day and there were ZERO clues until he friended the OW on Facebook and started deleting internet history. Third, there is way too much cheating going on all over the world - all the sites, articles, books; I'm afraid for the whole ideal of monogamous relationships. Initially, I felt alone: Unfortunately, I have way too many companions.ReplyDelete
It almost feels as if I have gone through most of the recovery process way too quickly. I already realize that the affair was his issue; he has a huge lack of self-esteem; we were pulling in opposite directions before the event because of our new house; she could have been any one of the many women who find him attractive; she only heard his side, so she was sympathetic; I am everything a man would want in a wife; and there have been many opportunities for me, but I chose him instead.
I am still devastated and sometimes ambivalent about staying. For the most part, I am focusing getting both of us to be proactive in the recovery. We each got a counselor for individual issues and we have a couples therapist to work together.
We have shared every detail about the emotional and sexual parts of the affair, which made everything really easy to understand. He has been open to me and closed off to her. We have discussed all the nasty feelings and problems this has caused.
I think I have asked about 3000 questions. He has been answering every one of them, supportively and honestly. I think part of this is he was craving attention - this has certainly given him more than he ever wanted. Hopefully, he will not miss the constant attention when we get back to a new, but "normal" relationship. Our communication is certainly much better now. But, will it be enough?
I have yet to run into the OW at the store,gas station or anywhere else about town. I do not know how I would react to seeing her. Some days I have weird thoughts, like "What if she shows up at my door? Perhaps I'll invite her in for a coffee and a chat."
Some days I feel like he needs to suffer more for what happened, but I vent my really venomous thoughts out loud to the inside of my empty car. There are still some times when I have to warn him to watch for big mood swings because it is a bad day. The first couple weeks were the worst, but it gets better each week.
Now I worry that it is all too easy. Why do I not feel worse? Is this a false-start recovery that is going to end in a huge emotional meltdown? Do I not care enough to be upset? Is it wrong to worry because I do not worry?Replies
Hi Anon,Delete
I'm glad you found us and that we're "friendly". It delights me to think that this site is a warm, welcoming, friendly place. Cause God knows most of us could use friendly right now.
I wish I could assure you that you're healing quickly and perfectly because it certainly seems as if you are. Honestly, I haven't a clue. I don't think there is a "right" way to heal from this. It sounds as if you've got a strong sense of self, which is undoubtedly part of why you've been able to move through much of this quickly. You haven't become mired in the self-blame crap that trips many of us up.
It also sounds as if your husband has met you halfway -- answering your questions and being honest and supportive. That, of course, is crucial.
Perhaps his affair has been a wakeup call for both of you and given you both a chance to recognize what matters before you've lost it. You'll likely still have your down days...but as long as you can stay focussed on the fact that this was HIS mistake and as long as he continues to take responsibility for it and make reparations, then I think you should stop worrying and simply enjoy the good days, weather the bad ones and call it life. You'll likely have occasional triggers. You might be blindsided by a sudden memory, or a chance encounter or something. But you also might not. Trust that you are exactly where you should be right now. That you're doing the best you can given what you've been handed.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone...but I would wish that all of us had the ability to recognize, as you have, that we're whole with or without him.
- AnonymousApril 13, 2013 at 8:13 AM
I found this site on behalf of a friend who hasn't yet confronted her husband.... but the reason she called me is: I've been there.ReplyDelete
We're still married and although the first few months (years!) after D-Day weren't easy it's been 9 years now. It was multiple A, one local (& the local OW wasn't innocent - she knew he was married - she knew me), one medium distance (where the OW knew he was married but didn't know me), one (which he didn't admit to) overseas. After the initial pain, I remember feeling that the OW (particularly the local one) had trespassed on my "territory". Even now, I hope for her sake she never crosses my path.
I remember D-Day being just before Christmas. I recall dreading the Christmas lunch with his family. I had no idea how I was going to survive it emotionally intact - they knew nothing and I had no intention of telling them anything until I had made a decision on what to do. On a long, late-night drive home, having spent two weeks alternately crying and wanting to kill him for causing so much pain, self-doubt and misery I made a choice: Let it go. Move on. It really did feel like a weight had been instantly removed. Don't get me wrong, I don't have "Welcome" written on my forehead and no-one who knows me would accuse me of doormat-like behaviour. But there didn't seem much point in hanging on to all the grief and continuing to torture myself with all the usual comparison-shopping questions (to which the answer was "no better, no worse, just different" as it so often appears to be).
However, changes had to be made. A new job for him where he was home every night (he had been working away for weeks at a time - contributory factor and opportunity). I knew (and still know) all of his passwords. Even now I very occasionally check his phone/email. And he knows it.
And then there was the self-esteem which had of course hit rock bottom. So I got my own back (with a very SINGLE man). It wasn't big, it wasn't clever and I have no desire to or intention of doing it again. But it made me feel I had some level of control back. Once I stopped feeling worthless, unattractive and frankly trampled on, we could start rebuilding our marriage.
If I were to impart any advice to a recently BW it would be: Tell ONE friend you can trust to keep quiet. You need to have a confidante but blurting it out to all and sundry will severely limit your options - the social expectation for a BW is that she kicks him out but that may not be what YOU decide to do. Not letting the world know he's currently labelled as a "philandering idiot" means that you won't be labelled as "doormat" if you decide your marriage is worth saving. Websites like this are a great way to express the pain if you can't trust any of your friends with this. And give yourself time: important decisions are best not made in the heat of the moment.
- AnonymousApril 15, 2013 at 10:55 PM
Your blog is hands down the most helpful thing I have EVER read. One year past D-Day and I was starting to feel like I was defective for not being "over" it.
The fact that he wasn't thinking about me was really hard, actually. I felt ignored and diminished, like I wasn't worth thinking about. Like he and OW had this little world to themselves that I wasn't a part of, and I was excluded. It's been really hard grappling with that.
I just feel so helpless sometimes.
Thanks so much for your amazing posts.
Thank-you...and I'm so glad you found us. I think most of us are surprised to discover just how long it takes to get through this.
And I can relate to your feeling of "diminished" but, for me, the realization that he really wasn't thinking about me finally allowed to acknowledge that the affair had nothing to do with me. It wasn't that I was lacking something, it was that HE was lacking something...and looking for it in unhealthy ways.
"Helpless" is pretty standard though not true. I think we feel helpless when we hand the power for our happiness over to someone else, someone we're not entirely convinced we can trust again. Part of the healing process, I think, its taking that power back. Learning to trust yourself -- that you've always got what you need to be happy, with or without him. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
Hang in there. One year out is, strangely, not very long in terms of healing.
- AnonymousApril 16, 2013 at 2:05 PM
Yes it's a blessing and a curse isn't it? It's interesting how many wives/girlfriends stack themselves up against the other woman and find out - she's not some perfect, amazing woman, in fact she is often normal or even plain or mean. So it's true that it's not due to a deficiency in us, rather a deficiency in him.Delete
I guess what scares me is that I now know he has that ability to compartmentalize and remove me from his mind entirely. But that's a whole other topic.
I always figured I'd be over it in six months. Ha...oh my. I think it sticks with you forever if you stay with him or leave him. My best friend was cheated on and left him. She still thinks about it and it has created trust issues for her even in new relationships. I guess we all have to work through it in some way or another, and there's no magic fix.
You're absolutely right. It's not about us, it's about them. Someone told me it wasn't about me not being a good enough wife, it was about him being a bad husband. That rang true for me. His affair wasn't on my shoulders, that was all about him. I still can't understand how someone can do that though. Why throw away your whole life just to make yourself feel temporarily better? http://www.dowehavetotellthekids.blogspot.com/2013/04/throwing-it-all-away.htmlReplyDelete
- AnonymousMay 6, 2013 at 11:43 AM
It was 2 years yesterday that I found e-mail that he was having an affair with a "friend" of mine. He confessed because I had the evidence. I stayed with him but I no longer trust him. We also lost most of our friends over the deal. I no longer have even 1 friend. I have no one to talk with. He thinks everything is peachy between us but my heart is broken into a million pieces and wont heal. We had been married 30 years. Looking back I believe he did this before. The signs were there but I trusted him.....SILLY ME! I cry everyday...I am thinking I should have not let him stay. I look at him and I dont even know who I am living with. How does someone who supposed loves you have an affair with your friend right under your nose and think he will never be caught and cause so much pain? I just dont get it!ReplyDeleteReplies
It might have been two years ago but it feels, from your post, that it was yesterday. Even though you've stayed with him, I don't think you've addressed the pain he caused nor the mistrust you're bound to have. What has he done to earn your trust back? What have you done to tend to the pain you're feeling? It's crucial to not simply accept that betrayal took place but HEAL from it.
Have you talked to him about how much pain you're in? Can he support you in moving forward?
Just moving on (whether you stay with him or not) is like putting a band-aid over a broken bone.
This is very enlightening.. :) I'm glad to find this..ReplyDelete
Just last night, my partner admitted to having affair with the same chic he slept with last year. Funny thing was the chic told me they have no contact whatsoever anymore. I'm so broken (now to bits because he just kept on cheating with the same chic). :'(Replies
I'm glad you found us too. And so sorry for what you're going through. Sounds as if it's time to tell him to either end it completely (and copy you on the letter he sends) or walk away. Three people in a relationship is one too many.
Just shy of 2 months since D-Day. Husband admits he has issues, but doesn't think individual therapy will help. He'll go with an open mind for my sake, but hasn't made the appointment yet even though he's been promising. I'm having trouble with the difference between setting boundaries and giving an ultimatum...ReplyDeleteReplies
When boundary setting hasn't been a habit, it can seem confusing. I think of it this way: Boundaries are about self-care -- a way to keep yourself safe. Ultimatums are about trying to control another's behaviour. You set boundaries when you make clear what you can't tolerate without jeopardizing your emotional or physical safety. It's not just semantics. It's about your intent.
Does that help?
In your husband's case, is him seeking therapy about you needing to feel safe (it was for me)? Are you making it a condition of reconciliation that he seek therapy in order to understand how to NOT go down that path again? It's a reasonable request. If he doesn't do it, what are the consequences. Remember, this is about keeping you emotionally/physically safe, not punishing him. He might not see it that way, but as long as you're clear on your motives then proceed.
Thanks, Elle. Yes, I want him in individual therapy so we know why this happened and so we can prevent it from happening again in the future, to make me feel safe. He is now in therapy and I have since set up other boundaries and feel much better about it. That although we're in reconciliation, we don't know how it will turn out, so I have my safety precautions in place.Delete
- AnonymousJuly 22, 2014 at 2:47 PM
I'm fairly new here and just trying to catch up on all of the articles/writings...ReplyDelete
It is truly amazing how spot on everything is! I absolutely compared myself to the OW, afterall, she was younger, had a better job (they worked together), spent hours together, way more time with her than me.
At one point after finding out, I made a comment about them feeding each other's egos and they both agreed with me...yes, I did meet with her after I found out and we continued talking for a bit until my husband asked me to stop. He wanted to help me get through this, wanted me to focus on us...and it made sense.
Hi,I found out about my husbands A about 4months ago..its been...the hardest thing I've EVER experienced.I thought I would drop him so quick it make his head spin. Yet here I am trying to get past it.Trying to repair this family for us and for our two boys. He claims he loves me always has and wants to work on this yet I'm so confused. I am angry,embarrassed,sad,hurt,insecure,confused and did I mention angry. I know we had our problems before the A,I myself,felt abandoned and unappreciated yet I didn't seek another man to bandage that emptiness. So its hard to get my head around why it is I deserve a skank in my face gladly showing me the 1500 text messages in her phone from my husband. Im stunned by all the love talk between them and especially a quite extensive conversation they had about trying for a baby girl..he says it was nothing just talk... What a thing to talk about with someone your not serious about.he brought her to his families house and has talked to her mother on the phone multiple times.. This sounds soooo serious to me.. I'm scared Im setting myself up to be burned again.ReplyDelete


text:
Dimitri Patterson rejoins Jets
-- AWOL for nearly 48 hours, New York Jets cornerback Dimitri Patterson returned to the team's facility Sunday night and met with Rex Ryan and general manager John Idzik.
The team announced the meeting, but provided no additional comment.
Word of his anticipated return, leaked earlier by his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, came two hours after Idzik announced that Patterson didn't show up for Friday night's game and couldn't be reached or located. Idzik termed it an "unexcused" absence, saying he still hadn't talked to Patterson. The only thing the Jets knew was that he was safe and unharmed, Idzik said.
Patterson texted ESPN's Josina Anderson on Monday, writing, "Yes, I'm ok and I'm not going AWOL either. Comical."
Rosenhaus declined to comment on the reason for Patterson's disappearance.
This is a strange and mysterious twist for a team dealing with adversity at the cornerback position. Right now, their most experienced healthy corner is Kyle Wilson, who plays the slot. Patterson, too, is banged up, recovering from calf, ankle and quadriceps injuries.
Idzik hinted that Patterson could be disciplined, but he declined to speculate on whether the absence would result in a fine or impact his standing on the team. Idzik said he needed to speak with Patterson before making that determination. He wanted to find out why the well-traveled veteran "would take such a drastic step."
On Friday, Patterson attended meetings, the walk through and the pre-game meal, but he never showed up at MetLife Stadium. Because of his injuries, he was questionable to play. At first, they thought he may have been stuck in traffic. Team officials spent the night trying to track him down, making numerous phone calls.
"Without putting an APB out, you're trying everything you can," Jets coach Rex Ryan said. "You're trying all the numbers you have, you name it. ... Obviously, as the game wore on, we still had a major concern."
It wasn't until Saturday that Idzik confirmed that Patterson was okay, but the team still didn't know his whereabouts. The players were off Saturday. On Sunday, he didn't show up for practice.
Idzik doesn't believe it was a legal matter.
"Not to my knowledge," he said. "We have a very cursory knowledge of what's going on. That's the extent of it. We know he's okay and haven't been able to communicate with him. That's it in a nut shell."
One teammate said it was odd that Patterson was in uniform but didn't participate in an open practice last Thursday night at Hofstra. At the time, Ryan was non-committal on whether he expected him to play against the Giants.
Patterson came to the Jets with a reputation for being injury prone, and he missed a good chunk of training camp with various ailments. From 2011 to 2013, he missed 33 games due to injuries. On Sunday, an acquaintance wondered if Patterson, 31, is thinking about retirement, fearing his body could be breaking down.
Idzik said he never got the impression that Patterson is unhappy.
"No, that's what's really baffling," said Idzik, claiming Patterson has been engaged in meetings.
The Jets can't afford to lose another body at cornerback. Top corner Dee Milliner (high-ankle sprain) is a question mark for the season opener, Antonio Allen suffered a concussion Friday night and rookie Dexter McDougle suffered a season-ending knee injury in training camp.
Right now, their starting corners would be Darrin Walls and Ellis Lankster, both career backups.
After failing to land any of the marquee cornerbacks in free agency, fueling a torrent of criticism, the Jets signed Patterson to a one-year, $3 million contract to replace Antonio Cromartie, whom they released. Ryan said they've always had "big plans" for Patterson, indicating he'd be a likely starter.
Predictably, the Jets downplayed the dire situation.
"Oh, shoot, you just go on," Ryan said. "You go about your business. You coach the guys that are here and the guys that are healthy. We won't look back, regardless. We hope everything works out and he's with us, but we're going to be full-steam ahead and that's the way we'll handle our biz."
Patterson reported to training camp full of confidence, promising he'd solve the cornerback concerns.
"Fans like high profiles. I don't have a high profile, but my film is legit," he said at the time. "When the season comes, I'll show everyone why I've been in the league so long."

subset: commoncrawl


text: Friday, October 07, 2011 Essential Health Benefits Offered in Exchanges Must Balance Comprehensiveness With Cost, Says IOM Yesterday, the Institute of Medicine (IOM) Committee on Defining and Revising an Essential Health Benefits (EHB) Package released its report and recommendations to the secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services on defining the essential health benefits. Under the Affordable Care Act (ACA), IOM was tasked with providing this guidance. The committee emphasized that defining the EHB "will be balancing the comprehensiveness of benefits with their cost." The IOM committee recommended that modifications to small employer benefit packages currently available are to consider the 10 general categories of benefits required under the ACA, which includes habilitative and rehabilitative services; apply IOM committee-developed criteria to guide EHB content and on EHB determination methods; and develop an initial package within a premium target, which is a way to address the affordability issue. IOM emphasized that if cost is disregarded, the EHB package will be too expensive and will defeat the purpose of ACA. The committee's recommendation is to tie the EHB package to the average payment small employers would have paid for their current benefits packages in 2014. ACA will apply to insurance purchases both in and out of Exchanges during the first year. The "premium target" should be revised annually, with significant stakeholder involvement taking medical inflation into account. Other recommendations include: Medical necessity determinations are both appropriate and necessary. IOM supports transparency in rule establishment of making these determinations as well as in the application and appeals processes. IOM supports the Stanford definition of medically necessary, which includes health interventions used to maintain and restore functional ability. Concepts of value, individualized care, and medical necessity decision-making should be rooted in evidence. Flexibility in the application of this standard is essential to prevent outcomes which are potentially discriminatory. Further, cases should be assessed on an individual basis. Establishment of a National Benefits Advisory Council (NBAC) to advise HHS on updating the EHB; NBAC should also conduct ongoing evaluations of appeals to determine if more specific guidance is required on particular services. Establish a structured public deliberative processes to identify the values and priorities of individuals eligible to purchase insurance through the exchanges, and include the general public. HHS secretary should develop a process that facilitates discovery and implementation of innovative practices through feedback and successes from states in the operation of the Exchanges. Health services should be "medically effective and supported by a sufficient evidence base, or in the absence of evidence on effectiveness, a credible standard of care is used." The IOM committee considered various methods of defining EHBs, which included by provider, by specific services, and physicians by medical necessity determination. It noted that defining medical services as those delivered only by nurses and physician assistants is more restrictive than most employer policies and that other types of health professionals—physical therapists being specifically mentioned—are included in most employer policies. The committee elaborated that in some states and other countries, supplemental policies must be purchased for services, such as physical therapy. IOM cited research from the British Columbia Ministry of Health regarding the purchase a supplemental policy to access physical therapy services. ACA prohibits insurers from discriminating on the basis of type of provider as long as the provider is operating within its scope of practice. APTA will post a summary of the report on its Web site in the near future.


text:
Drug information provided by: IBM Micromedex
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This product is available in the following dosage forms:
In deciding to use a medicine, the risks of taking the medicine must be weighed against the good it will do. This is a decision you and your doctor will make. For this medicine, the following should be considered:
Tell your doctor if you have ever had any unusual or allergic reaction to this medicine or any other medicines. Also tell your health care professional if you have any other types of allergies, such as to foods, dyes, preservatives, or animals. For non-prescription products, read the label or package ingredients carefully.
Pyrimethamine has been used in children and, in effective doses, has not been shown to cause different side effects or problems in children than it does in adults.
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There are no adequate studies in women for determining infant risk when using this medication during breastfeeding. Weigh the potential benefits against the potential risks before taking this medication while breastfeeding.
Although certain medicines should not be used together at all, in other cases two different medicines may be used together even if an interaction might occur. In these cases, your doctor may want to change the dose, or other precautions may be necessary. When you are taking this medicine, it is especially important that your healthcare professional know if you are taking any of the medicines listed below. The following interactions have been selected on the basis of their potential significance and are not necessarily all-inclusive.
Using this medicine with any of the following medicines is not recommended. Your doctor may decide not to treat you with this medication or change some of the other medicines you take.
Using this medicine with any of the following medicines is usually not recommended, but may be required in some cases. If both medicines are prescribed together, your doctor may change the dose or how often you use one or both of the medicines.
Using this medicine with any of the following medicines may cause an increased risk of certain side effects, but using both drugs may be the best treatment for you. If both medicines are prescribed together, your doctor may change the dose or how often you use one or both of the medicines.
Certain medicines should not be used at or around the time of eating food or eating certain types of food since interactions may occur. Using alcohol or tobacco with certain medicines may also cause interactions to occur. Discuss with your healthcare professional the use of your medicine with food, alcohol, or tobacco.
The presence of other medical problems may affect the use of this medicine. Make sure you tell your doctor if you have any other medical problems, especially:
Keep this medicine out of the reach of children. Overdose is especially dangerous in children.
If this medicine upsets your stomach or causes vomiting, it may be taken with meals or a snack.
If you are taking this medicine to treat malaria, take the number of tablets your doctor told you to take (up to 3) once, as a single dose, along with other medicine your doctor gave you. If you develop a fever and are not near a medical facility, and are taking this medicine to treat what you think may possibly be malaria, take the number of tablets your doctor told you to take (up to 3) once, as a single dose.
This medicine works best when you take it on a regular schedule. If you are to take two doses a day, one dose may be taken with breakfast and the other one with the evening meal. Make sure that you do not miss any doses. If you have any questions about this, check with your health care professional.
The dose of this medicine will be different for different patients. Follow your doctor's orders or the directions on the label. The following information includes only the average doses of this medicine. If your dose is different, do not change it unless your doctor tells you to do so.
The amount of medicine that you take depends on the strength of the medicine. Also, the number of doses you take each day, the time allowed between doses, and the length of time you take the medicine depend on the medical problem for which you are using the medicine.
If you miss a dose of this medicine, take it as soon as possible. However, if it is almost time for your next dose, skip the missed dose and go back to your regular dosing schedule. Do not double doses.
Store the medicine in a closed container at room temperature, away from heat, moisture, and direct light. Keep from freezing.
Keep out of the reach of children.
Do not keep outdated medicine or medicine no longer needed.
It is very important that your doctor check you at regular visits for any blood problems that may be caused by this medicine, especially if you will be taking this medicine in high doses for toxoplasmosis.
If your symptoms do not improve within a few days or if they become worse, check with your doctor.
If this medicine causes anemia, your doctor may want you to take leucovorin (e.g., folinic acid, Wellcovorin) to help clear up the anemia. If so, it is important to take the leucovorin every day while you are taking this medicine. Do not miss any doses.
Pyrimethamine, especially in high doses, may cause blood problems. These problems may result in a greater chance of certain infections, slow healing, and bleeding of the gums. Therefore, you should be careful when using regular toothbrushes, dental floss, and toothpicks. Dental work should be delayed until your blood counts have returned to normal. Check with your medical doctor or dentist if you have any questions about proper oral hygiene (mouth care) during treatment.
Along with its needed effects, a medicine may cause some unwanted effects. Although not all of these side effects may occur, if they do occur they may need medical attention.
Check with your doctor immediately if any of the following side effects occur:
Some side effects may occur that usually do not need medical attention. These side effects may go away during treatment as your body adjusts to the medicine. Also, your health care professional may be able to tell you about ways to prevent or reduce some of these side effects. Check with your health care professional if any of the following side effects continue or are bothersome or if you have any questions about them:
Other side effects not listed may also occur in some patients. If you notice any other effects, check with your healthcare professional.
Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to the FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088.
Portions of this document last updated: Feb. 01, 2020
Original article: https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/pyrimethamine-oral-route/description/drg-20065700
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Business textbooks are expensive at the bookstores. Each year students pay full-price for new textbooks because they aren't aware of other options. Students can save on business textbooks with AbeBooks. Buying used textbooks on AbeBooks.com saves students more than 50% off the list price.
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The College of Liberal Arts & Social Sciences provides a student-centered Christian environment in which students gain the knowledge, skills, and spirit to be lifelong learners. The strength of our College rests on incredible faculty who are from a breadth of academic disciplines. The faculty and staff are all dedicated to making students' educational experiences at Belmont second to none. The College is made up of three schools which are the School of Education, School of Humanities and School of Social Sciences.
We welcome you to learn more about our programs, our students, and our faculty. Visit the links to the left to learn more about us!


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Scarlet Raiders Forge Past Rams in Second Half
Rutgers-Newark - 4, Farmingdale State - 0
Newark, N.J. – The Farmingdale State
men's soccer team fell to Rutgers-Newark, 4-0, on Wednesday night
in a non-conference game in Newark, N.J. The game was scoreless
until the 64th minute of play, as the Scarlet Raiders erupted for
four goals over a 22 minute span to closeout the game.
Junior midfielder Estiven Benitezand and sophomore forward Richie Villamar teamed up for a pair of goals which ignited the outburst. After a scoreless first period, Villamar one-timed a corner kick by Benitez from the left side in the 65th minute. Less than six minutes later, Villamar fed Benitez from the left corner on a 35-yard rope inside the far post.
Senior transfer Tyler Chiara put away a pass from freshman forward Chris DeFalco in the 79th minute, before freshman forward Jervis Witherspoon rebounded his own shot from inside the box and pushed a shot into the open left side of the net with just 3:01 remaining.
Junior goalkeeper Matt Zielyk needed just one save in each half to post the shutout victory as the Scarlet Raiders (1-1-2) out-shot the Rams (1-2-0), 26-3.
Senior goalkeeper Patrick Gubbins (East Patchogue, N.Y./Bellport) kept the Rams in the contest, making 11 saves. He stopped golden opportunities off the foot of junior Innocent Buule twice during a two-and-a-half minute span midway through the second half.
The Raiders put 16 shots on goal and forged a 7-1 advantage in corner kicks.
Farmingdale State will now face Brooklyn College on Saturday, September 12th at 1:00 p.m.


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In the Dian Lun -- China's first collection of literary critisms, penned by Cao Pi (and which he sent an autographed copy of to Sun Quan ) -- the Emperor of Wei prefaced it with an autobiography. I know most of us here have negative feelings towards Cao Pi, but what's interesting about this essay is that it describes his very interesting childhood, as well as his fondness of martial arts (among many things). I think to most of us it would present a dimension of Cao Pi that we don't normally think about.
My Autobiography -- Cao Pi
During the first years of the Chuping reign, Dong Zhuo assassinated the emperor and poisoned the empress, causing great chaos in the Imperial House. At that time, all within the Four Seas were suffering from the misgovernment of the Zhongping reign and disgusted by Zhuo's evil deeds. Each family thus was plotting an uprising, and every person looked out for himself. The governors east of the Mountains appealed to the teaching from the Spring and Autumn Annuals, that "The people of Wei conducted a punitive operation against Zhouxu at Pu" -- from which they concluded that it is every man's duty to fight the evil ones. And thus, the volunteer coalition was formed; from renowned men of chivalrous honour, to those of wealthy families and powerful clans, all gathered together, coming from lands a thousand miles apart. The troops from Yan and Yu fought at Yingyang, and the armoured men south of the Yellow River laid formation at Mengjin. Thus Dong Zhuo forced the relocation of the emperor, and created a new capital at Chang'an. Those from east of the mountains – the powerful controlling provinces and states, the mediocre holding cities and towns, and the smaller groups gathering in the countryside – returned to their respective places and at once fought to take over each other. At the same time, the Yellow Turbans flourished near the Ocean and the Dai Mountains, and bandits rampaged in Bing and Ji provinces. Having scored a few victories, they rolled through southwards, attacking everywhere in sight. Whole villages would flee at the sight of smoke, and cities collapse when dust is spotted. Commoners from all families were killed, their exposed bones covering the land like weed.
At that time I was five years old. The Lord my father [Cao Cao], concerned with the disorder in the world, taught me how to use a bow. At six years of age I was capable at archery. He also taught me how to ride, and by the age of eight I was able to shoot from horseback. Since the world was in such disarray, every time my father went on a military expedition, I would follow him. In the beginning of the Jian'an reign, the Lord attacked Jing province, and when he arrived at Wan, Zhang Xiu surrendered. However, he rebelled within days. My late brother, the Filial and Incorrupt(1) Zixiu [Cao Ang], and my older cousin Anmin were both killed. At that time I was 10 years of age, and barely escaped on horseback.
Ways, literary or martial, are to be deployed according to the times. Born during the Zhongping years, and growing up among soldiers, my fondness of shooting and riding began at a young age and has not declined since. I would ride tens of miles in pursuit of game, and shoot on horseback targets a hundred paces away. My body strengthens as the days go by, but my heart never tires of this exercise. In the 10th year of Jian'an, Ji province was finally brought to submission. The lands of Sui and Mo paid tribute with fine bows, and Yan and Dai brought gifts of famous steeds. At the dawn of springtime that year, fair sunlight cast the perfect warmth, and the gentle breeze fanned the earth; the bow was dry, and hands were soft; the grass still short and beasts were fat. So my cousin Zidan [Cao Zhen] and I went on a hunt west of Ye city. At the end of the day we caught nine deer and thirty pheasants.
Some time after that, I was with the troops marching south to Quli, and Xun Yu, from the office of the Imperial Secretariat, was sent to reward the troops. Catching me at the end of a conversation, he said to me, "I have heard that you are able to shoot from both your right hand and your left. This is truly a remarkable thing!" I replied, "Sir, you have yet to see me take aim and shoot with just a slight turn of my head, aligning the arrow wherever I desire; or see me hit the moving Horseshoe targets while bending low on the horse, or the Yuezhi target while reaching up." Xun Yu was delighted. Smiling, he said, "Is that truly so!" I said, "Moving targets have set paths, and stationary targets have set locations. Even if one were able to hit a target with every shot, that is still not the peak of the art. But if one were to gallop through the plains and into the grasslands, pursue agile beasts and catch flying birds, and yet have his bow never to be drawn in vain, and every arrow pierce through the target – that, then, is wonderful." The officer Zhang Jing was also present then, and he looked at Xun Yu, clapped his hands, and said, "That is fantastic!"
I have also learnt swordfighting. Many teachers of the art have I seen, and though the techniques varied from place to place, those of the Capital are the best. Sometime during the reigns of Emperors Huan and Ling, there was one Wang Yue of the Tiger Guards, who was a expert of this art, and was of great fame in the Capital. Shi E from Henan said that he was once a companion of Wang Yue, and had thoroughly learnt the techniques from him. I then studied in great depth with Shi E, and became proficient. Once I was drinking together with Liu Xun, General who Pacifies the Caitiffs, and Deng Zhan, General who Displays Majesty. Long had I heard that Deng Zhan was strong in his arms, was adept at five weapons, and furthermore could counter a sword attack with his bare hands. I had a long discussion with him on the subject of swordplay, and I said to him, "General, your techniques are wrong." Since he knew that I was fond of the art, and had good instruction, he begged to fight with me. Right then we were all quite intoxicated and flushed from the wine, and had just started munching on sugar canes. So we took the sugar canes as our staves, descended from the hall, and fought several bouts. I hit him thrice on the arm, and all around were laughing. Deng Zhan would not let it be, and requested for a re-match. I said that my techniques are rapid, and would hit hard on his face; so that's why I've only played up to arm-height. Zhan said that he would fight again. I knew that he was going to go for my centre, and so I pretended to move forward to the side, and truly he advanced into my trap. With a slight shift of my feet, my staff hit him squarely on the face. All present were astonished. I returned to my seat, smiled, and said, "In the olden days, Yang Qing had Chunyu Yi forget his old ways and re-taught him with his secret art. Now I would also hope that you, General Deng, would give up your old practice and relearn the proper techniques." Everyone was amused. In no thing should one claim to be an expert. When I was younger, I learnt the art of using twin weapons, and believed that I could not be equalled -- in common slang they call the twin halberds the "metal sitting-room", and the decorated shield as the "wooden covering-door". Later, I was under the instruction of Yuan Min from the state of Chen. He would use single weapons to fend against double weapons, and was so fantastic in his technique that his opponent would have no idea where his next stroke would be coming from. If, in the former days, I had made an enemy of Yuan Min and engaged in a fight with him, I would have been defeated right away!
In general I have few interests in gambling and games, but at the chess-shooting game(2) I am quite skilled, and even wrote ballads on the subject when I was young. There used to be several talented players in the Capital region -- Marquis Ma of Hexiang, Dongfang Anshi, and Master Zhang. I often regret not ever having a chance in competing with these gentlemen.
The Lord had a refined interest in poetry, writings, and books, and though he be in the army he was never found without a book in his hands. Sometimes he would stop what he's doing and relax, and say that when a man is young and willing to learn, his thoughts are directed and concentrated, but once he is old he becomes forgetful; Yuan Boye and him alone were those who are keen of learning even when they have grown up. When I was young I memorised the Book of Odes and the Analects, and when I was older and more experieced I read the Five Classics, the Four Collections, Memoires of the Grand Historian, the History of Han, and the writings of all the philosophers and teachers –- there wasn't anything that I did not read thoroughly.
(1) Filial and Incorrupt -- a title given to men recommended to the court's service by local governors, based on the two virtues of filial piety and uprightness.
(2) Chess-shooting game -- how this game is played exactly is unknown. From what I could gather from various dictionaries and records, it is an upper-class version of marbles (i.e. each player has several round pieces of stones, which they try to shoot in designated ways).


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WEll done.Hello guys, I make a new motivation letter for a scholarship. Please check it and give me some comments. In this motivation letter I have to answer the following questions:
- why you choose to study this program in A country
- what value the program would add to your previous education
- what the program would mean for your future career
The deadline is 15th January. I hope someone would be so kind to help me. This is my letter:
Sub: Application for H Scholarship in Electrical Engineering, 2008 2009
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is L. I am a student of P University and I am currently enrolled in the 6th semester of the Electrical Engineering Program, majoring in Electronics.
With this letter, I would like to apply for the H Scholarship for my Final Year of Bachelors Degree that will be conducted at F University in A country during the academic year 2008-2009.
Please allow me to briefly introduce myself. I was born in a family with a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parents, especially my father, I have always striven to be the best student. Thus my academic performance has always been on top of the class.
In addition to my academic activities, I also give time to my community. I take part in many social activities experiencing work in a group together with many people from different backgrounds. Therefore, I can adapt to new situations and make friends easily. I am also comfortable with individual work......
I have an interest in Electrical Engineering especially the fields that relate to research. I wish to develop my knowledge and skills in this area in order to become a good researcher. It is my dream to contribute to the development of this field in my country. However, my country has not taken such a great step in this field. After consulting some of my lecturers, I decided to apply for H Scholarship and to conduct my Final Year Bachelors Degree in A country.
This scholarship will provide me an opportunity of experiencing an international education. Being a country with many students from different culture and nationalities, A country is a perfect choice for me. I can meet different kind of people who will give me different points of views, which will be both valuable and enriching. This will improve my ability in interacting with other people from different cultures and nationalities.
I believe this scholarship will open my path to do research in A country. This scholarship will become a springboard and my first step towards my goal. I plan to continue my master degree and do research in A country if I can get this opportunity. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.
Please find enclosed all the required documents for the H scholarship. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further details or documents.
I thank you for your consideration, and I am looking forward to your reply.
Yours faithfully,
Student or Learner


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Apple has issued a support article to address the mounting concern over the strange purple light being found on numerous photographs taken with the iPhone 5's camera. The problem shows on the photographs as a purple flare on the edge of a picture or as an actual purple spot in the main frame of the picture. Apple's support article addresses these issues and claims there is nothing to worry about.
Symptoms A purplish or other colored flare, haze, or spot is imaged from out-of-scene bright light sources during still image or video capture.
Resolution Most small cameras, including those in every generation of iPhone, may exhibit some form of flare at the edge of the frame when capturing an image with out-of-scene light sources. This can happen when a light source is positioned at an angle (usually just outside the field of view) so that it causes a reflection off the surfaces inside the camera module and onto the camera sensor. Moving the camera slightly to change the position at which the bright light is entering the lens, or shielding the lens with your hand, should minimize or eliminate the effect.
The question is how come we didn't experience this particular problem with other iPhone models? There is a thread in the iMore forums with examples of the problem. If you are experiencing it, make sure to drop by and leave a comment or even a sample picture. Do you think Apple's resolution is acceptable given that we haven't experienced this problem with any other iPhone cameras in the past? The idea of shielding your lens with your hand while taking a picture seems a little bit clumsy to me. Thankfully, I can't seem to be able to reproduce the problem even when taking a photograph with a light source outside of the field of view, what about you?
Source: Apple Support, Photograph: MarilynR
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The iPod turns 10 Monday, and it's no exaggeration to say that for better or worse, this little music player was responsible for completely changing the music industry.
The iPod wasn't the first MP3 player, but it was the first one to make people realize that a small music player could form the center of their music listening universe. In tandem with iTunes, it formed a completely new way to store and organize your music, even if the final nail in the coffin of the old paradigm wouldn't arrive until a little over a year later when the iTunes Store opened.
While the original idea of a simple music player has morphed into a complete line of devices including the iPod Nano, Shuffle and Touch, the spirit of the original lives on in the iPod Classic. Despite recent rumors of its early demise, the Classic soldiers on with 32 times the storage capacity and 3.6 times the battery life of the original.
U.S. & World
News from around the country and around the globe
For me it will be a sad day if they ever do discontinue the iPod Classic. With its massive capacity for sucking up a giant music library, this is the real music lovers iPod, something the comparatively puny iPod Touch can't come close to matching.
Via Telegraph


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M&D Store | Curtain-making Sundries | Metal Eyelets and Eyelet Tools | 40mm Metal Eyelets | Antique brass finish, brass two-part eyelets 40mm diameter
|excluding delivery & VAT
Delivery only £8.95 +vat next-working-day service*
FREE delivery for orders over £135 ex vat next working day service.*
(* England and Wales mainland deliveries only. Excluding London postcodes.)
Call us on
01652 648814 01652 648814
Fax: 01652 648104
Merrick & Day Ltd
Redbourne Road, Redbourne
Gainsborough, Lincolnshire, DN21 4TG


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/ Custom Made
/ Custom hollow body bass
Hollow-body guitars have large, deep bodies made of glued-together sheets, or "plates", of wood. They can often be played at the same volume as an acoustic guitar and therefore can be used unplugged at intimate gigs. They qualify as electric guitars inasmuch as they have fitted pickups. Historically, archtop guitars with retrofitted pickups were among the very earliest electric guitars. The instrument originated during the Jazz Age, in the 1920s and 1930s, and are still considered the classic jazz guitar (nicknamed "jazzbox"). Like semi-acoustic guitars, they often have f-shaped sound holes.
Our office is in Japan, and custom shop in China. We ship from china, but our luthiers are from Japan and Korea, our workshop is in china, so we got lower costs, which make our sales price much lower, but pls don't worry about the quality, don't you know fender squire guitars and epiphone guitars are all made in China? so the point is not where the guitar made, but who made the guitar, our guitar are made by Japanese and Korean luthiers, so they got much good play ability, we can understand you may be a little anxious on international shopping, but sir, we both have paypal, paypal will protect your benefit, and we are also a famous replica shop, not a small puzzling store, so don't worry, we will give you a surprise.
Having humbucker pickups (sometimes just a neck pickup) and usually strung heavlly, jazzboxes are noted for their warm, rich tone. A variation with single-coil pickups, and sometimes with a Bigsby tremolo, has long been popular in country and rockabilly; it has a distinctly more twangy, biting tone than the classic jazzbox. The term archtop refers to a method of construction subtly different from the typical acoustic (or "folk" or "western" or "steel-string" guitar): the top is formed from a moderately thick (1 inch or 2–3 cm) piece of wood, which is then carved into a thin (0.1 in, or 2–3 mm) domed shape, whereas conventional acoustic guitars have a thin, flat top.
Why we built hollow body bass?
Reason 1: Build for our customers who order hollow body bass from us!
Reason 2: The hollow body bass under 1000 are very expensive!
Reason 3: Just Tribute. This beautiful collectible hollow guitar for rock is a MUST for all fans and music lovers! Great idea for gifts!
Why buy hollow guitar from us?
Our hollow guitar
Items semi hollow bass Body wood Alder Neck wood Maple Construction bolt-on body Fretboard Rosewood Inlays Like the pic Scale Length 25.5" Frets 24 Pickups Like the pic Controls 2Volume, 1 Tone Bridge Like the pic Finish Like the pic String D'Addario Hardware Black Hardware
Key point 1: Same
We built semi hollow bass completely according to the guitar design drawing, to ensure the accuracy of the body shape, neck shape and other plates' shape on guitar, as well as every part's position, not only by pictures in your hands, you also have to pay lots of attention to details and handle the details for a good luthier. We provide only the best quality of guitars to our customers. Every guitar is carefully handcrafted by talented artists to its supreme details. So the semi hollow bass looks like the original.
Key point 2: Low Price
Our semi hollow electric guitar for the money has very high cost performance ratio. All our guitars are 100% Hand-made by our highly skilled craftsman. And our price is only $300-$600, only a quarter of other custom shop price or even cheaper. It is the lowest price you ever find to customize the semi hollow body guitar.Please contact us for the specific price to build this guitar Copy.
Key point 3: High Quality
The best guitar deserve the best guitar stand! We provide the best quality of stand to enhance the beauty of the guitar presentation. Every stands are made from high quality wood and metal to replicate the original guitar stand.
We choose Alder wood to make the body of this semi hollow electric guitar, then put on smoothly polished Maple neck, after the beautiful finish, it shows out just like the original. The whole work requests our technician carefully observe, integrated use variety of hand painting techniques to re-create it down to the last authentic details.
To satisfy our customers' requirments for the guitar shape, measurements and other details as well as possible, our professional guitar technique was the corner-stone of the success. Focus on the detail, carefully follow the original guitar, engraving and aquatint inch by inch, delicate paint finish, nomissing any details, we really spend lots of time on the semi hollow telecaster for sale processing, so we can see this semi hollow guitar here.
Key point 4: We can modify the parts you don't like on this semi hollow telecaster.
As a professional guitar custom shop, we are able to make all kinds of guitars in any style.
You don't like the original guitar wood, Ok, let us change!
You don't like the original guitar set up, Ok, let us change!
You don't like the original guitar color, Ok, let us change!
You don't like the original guitar ........., Ok, let us change!
If you - our future customer like to customize the hollow body bass guitar with your personalized elements added, such as your autograph, or any other somethings you like, never hesitate to send us, we would like to make as you want!
Notice For All Buyers:Thank you for your attention. Here are something you might want to know about this guitar.
1. This guitar is available in both right handed and left handed version. Even it is not showing in lefty version, we still able to customize this guitar in left handed for you. You just have to tell us when you place the order.
2. If you want to place the order, just send us email, we will help you to place your customize order.
Follow me to see how much we already done for you and some thing you should know.
8 Main Advantages Make Us Beyond The Average.... Read More....User Comment
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