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Moderators: Three Stars, dagny, pfim, netwolf
JS© wrote:The new Wendy's ad with the girl with the bright red hair. She annoys me.
llipgh2 wrote:The Apple "genius" commercials running during Olympics coverage make me want to throw something at my TV.
the wicked child wrote:Little Caesar's.Spoiler:WOO!
JS© wrote:the wicked child wrote:Little Caesar's.Spoiler:WOO!
the wicked child wrote:The Wendy's girl... I'm normally for anything with redheads, but there is something about her that really grates on my last nerve.
shafnutz05 wrote:If you have Save-A-Lot in your area, have you heard those horrible new commercials that has the woman (in full autotune pop song voice) singing about saving money? It's awful.
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MU Extension > calendar
Professional development events
Chronic Disease Self-Management (Session 1 of 6)
Thursday, June 6, 2013, 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m.
Mercy Health Plans Building3265 S. National Avenue, Springfield MO map...
The Chronic Disease Self-Management Program (CDSMP) is a community-based program which assists participants in maintaining quality of life when faced with chronic medical conditions. The CDSMP is provided in two and a half hour sessions, once a week for six weeks, in community settings (e.g. senior centers, churches, libraries). People with different chronic health problems attend together. Workshops are facilitated by two trained leaders, one or both of whom deal with chronic diseases themselves. Subjects covered include: 1) techniques to deal with problems such as frustration, fatigue, pain and isolation, 2) appropriate exercise for maintaining and improving strength, flexibility, and endurance, 3) appropriate use of medications, 4) communicating effectively with family, friends, and health professionals, 5) nutrition, and 6) how to evaluate new treatments. Classes are highly participative, where mutual support and success build the participants' confidence in their ability to manage their health and maintain active and fulfilling lives.
Session topic:
Session one: Overview of self-managment and chronic health conditions; Using your mind to manage symptoms; Getting a good nights sleep; making an action plan
Class size:
Event full:
Pamela Duitsman, firstname.lastname@example.com Extension in Christian Countyphone: 417-581-3558
Add event to your compatible iCalendar such as Microsoft Outlook or Apple iCal.
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text:
One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I Smell A 'But' Coming
When time claws its craggily nails across our skins we begin that slow and inevitable decline into dementia. Foolhardy ineptitude. Absurd fatuity. Sharp lines become blurs, jaws melt into jowls, and breasts get renamed as "knees". The ordered world around us, with its rules and lines and stop signs, garbles into a new world, a new land. One called Folly. In Folly it's whatever goes. Lawlessness is the order of the day. Want to sprinkle buttons on your oatmeal? Go for it! Want to house small woodland creatures in your eyebrows? You got it! Want to drive through a shopping mall fountain while high on Metamucil? Be my guest! Most stand at the door of Folly with trepidation. Peering through its peephole, they're just not ready. More antioxidants! More Botox! Resveratrol! Fiber! Gah! Shush gentle folk. Instead, let's tiptoe forward into Folly's embrace. Let us pop our memories like soap bubbles on the wind together. Plus, renaming objects and people might be more fun than you think or my name isn't Lady Jenny of Sparklebottom. Let's recapitulate, shall we?
With the waves rolling gently ashore, we continue our sordid jungle tale in the ramshackle matchstick shelter known as Salami (Salani). The womenfolk awake and wipe the sleep from their eyes with a renewed purpose. A miracle saved one of them from going home last night and when a miracle presents itself at your feet, you kind of want it to stick around for as long possible. You readjust your karmic hat, vow to be a better bitch from here on out, and greet the future with a new outlook, a new spirit. It is indeed a sign from above, from beyond, that all seven women woke up to skrunkle through another day together again. Sabrina knows this and smiles on her sisters with gratitude. Even Jugs (Alicia) knows when a miracle is jiggling itself right before her very eyes. Mesmerized by its buoyancy, she tunes in for Tokyo and makes an oath of solidarity with the rest of her breasted tribe. ChaCha (Christina), too, wants to wipe the slate clean and start over again. With a flick of Kat's skittles and a toot of her horn (read: ass) the women become womyn and hope reigns supreme. The sky's the limit now. These seven gentle souls coming together as one under the cosmic guidance of Artemis or Isis or Persephone are a force to be reckoned with. For nothing, and I mean nothing, can destroy something as sacred as solidarity.
Come on in guys! Drop your buffs! New tribes! Well, except maybe that. That can destroy solidarity.
And just like that, the womyn go back to being women and the men... well, they're still blissfully unaware of how stupid it was to vote off one of their own last night. The only real reaction from the men comes in the form of a gasp from Fancy Pants (Colton) who, I have a sneaking suspicion, gasps at anything and everything anyways. Is that pink Izod on sale? Gasp! Did Jemima burn my waffles again? Gasp! You mean, I have to drag my fat ass to another tribe? Gasp!
Dimples tells the newly tribeless ne'er-do-wells that this will be a random switch. Survivors must pick an egg and smash it onto their person where the colored goo inside will determine their new tribe. Blue means Salami and Orange means Menudo (Manono). Smash!
Kat tries biting into her egg and ends up with a Salami mustache while Jugs cracks her egg like a walnut in between her chesticles. Fancy Pants claps his egg between delicate fingers while Monica bounces her egg off of her biceps and onto the chiseled rock that is her abs. Some smash happily, others smash with indifference, and somewhere, in the land of Folly, Tarzan (Greg) cracks his into a skillet with melted butter. Let's meet our new tribes, shall we?
The New Salami is as follows: Michael, Sabrina, Kat, Kim, Jay, Prunes (Chelsea), and Troyzan (Troy).
The New Menudo is: Tarzan, Fancy Pants, ChaCha, Jugs, Monica, Leif, and Jonas.
For today's Reward Challenge, tribes will work together in teams of four to carry buckets riddled with holes to a water fountain. On your way back from the fountain, you will work to plug the holes and prevent the water from the leaking out. You'll then dump the water into a container and head back to your fountain. The first tribe to fill their container and raise their flag wins peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and coffee. In addition, the winning tribe earns the right to continue living on the One World beach while the losing tribe will be a sent to a new beach where they must create a New World. Survivors ready, go.
Both tribes scurry quickly to their fountains with the Menudos heading back to their container first. Tarzan looks at his surroundings marveling at the foliage around him. He spots a Red-footed B0oby on the horizon and pauses to take in all of it's glory. Perhaps lost in beauty, or the fog that's muddled his mind over the past few years, he forgets he's in a challenge altogether and marches right over Monica in the direction of the rare Booby. Monica tumbles down the steps, still holding the bucket high overhead, and tries to guide Tarzan back into the direction of their Menudo container.
With torn knees, a broken ankle, and two popped implants, Monica trudges on to carry and guide bucket after bucket of water into the awaiting container. Where Menudo is choosing to go with quantity, Salami has chosen to go with quality. They linger longer at the filling station and I can't really say whether it was a better strategy or not. Had Tarzan actually been paying attention rather than bird watching during that first leg, the outcome could have been very different. In the end, by a mere trickle, SALAMI WINS REWARD!!!
Back at the Salami camp, Sabrina is overjoyed. She was thrilled when that hat rack Kim popped blue, but when Prunes and Kat popped blue too - well, that was just the icing on the cake. Four out of her original alliance of five have ended up together on the same tribe and they get to stuff their faces with peanut butter. It looks like that miracle that saved the women last night still has some life in it.
Meanwhile, over at the New Menudo, where miracles go to die, Fancy Pants is sucking the life out of everyone and everything. Upon his arrival the sun crashed into the ocean and a dank stale emptiness enveloped everything. The stars and fish conversed briefly to one another through the blackness and decided to hit the road in search of an environment where happiness and life actually exist. Try as they might, ChaCha and Monica remain in good spirits. They'll make this new shelter better! They'll make it bigger! It'll be drier and cozier and better ventilated and, and, and... "These people suck. I hate them. We're never gonna win." *loud sucking noise* Ooops. There goes positivity again. Sucked through space and time into a Fancy Pants black hole.
And not only is Fancy Pants down and out in Menudo Hills, but Jugs is already waving the white flag as well. As far as she is concerned, this game is over before it even began. Might as well pack up and head home. I mean, what's the point? What's the point of trying? What's the point of hope? She had hope this morning and look where that got her... on a tribe with Dr. Evil and Methuselah. Besides, didn't Sandra Bullock say that Hope Floats? It sure does. It floats away. Far far away. Far into the inky waters and back on over to Salami. Buh bye hope.
Even though hope is lost and life is such a waste of time anymore, there is still a game going on. Fancy Pants needs to make sure that the women know he's with them 100%. Jugs and ChaCha eat it up while only Monica remains suspicious. She doesn't know Fancy Pants from a stairmaster or a treadmill. He could be a master manipulator pulling all the strings for all she knows. Being the strongest woman on a tribe where the women are short one member has put her in a very precarious position. Does she trust that Fancy Pants is telling the truth (no, God no, please Monica, no!) or does she try to change women back to womyn again? Well, no matter what she chooses she'll still get in a boot camp, some cardio, a little circuit training, and, to top it all off, she'll bench press some trees in her spare time. How old is Monica? Isn't she like 95 or something? That body! Whoa, it's killer.
Back over at Salami, crabs are falling from the sky and the sand is made of gold and diamonds. Chickens burst forth in joyful glee out of the trees yelling "Eat me! Eat me! I'm yours!" while crispy brand new money waves in the breeze where the leaves used to be. The tree sap is now a decadent caramel made from the very hands of Martha Stewart and if you look to the sky every few minutes or so, you'll see a triple rainbow with dolphins leaping underneath it. Over in the grotto an orgy of merpeople (mermen and mermaids) await in various stages of undress to welcome anyone and everyone in an array of sexual delights. It's Xanadu, it's Cythera. The ocean is made of gin, the air smells of jasmine, and every now and again a Red-footed Booby poops ambrosia.
But here too, in this paradise, a game must be played. Jay has looked around himself and counted that the mens are down to three while the womens are up to four. Under the guise of anticipating the Merge, he whispers to Troyzan and Kim that they should make an alliance of four or five, but I think he's really just trying to save his ass from the women voting the men out one by one. At least I should hope that's what he's thinking because his days are numbered if he's not considering the sexual divide. Kim whispers that Prunes is her best good friend and even though all she does is hide from onlookers under her baseball cap, she'd be perfect to join their new co-ed alliance. It's strange that Kim is so readily giving up little secrets about who she trusts. She's only been with the guys for a hot minute yet she's already confiding in them and making future plans. So much for loyalty.
Oh dear. Furrow your brows and put on your miserable faces because it's time to whisk back on over to Menudo. "I hate this tribe." "Me too." "I hate these people." "Me too." Oh look, it's Jugs and Fancy Pants having an inspiring talk about how to win in the next challenge. Sensing that Jugs is his compatriot in all things wretched, Fancy Pants pitches the idea of voting out ChaCha first. Jugs, thankfully, shakes her head no and tells him that they need all the women to stay strong. Fancy Pants tells her that maybe they'll be better off with Tarzan and Jonas. Again, Jugs furiously shakes her head no. Switching to side with the men who sent themselves to Tribal Council is crazy talk whereas the women are loyal and will stand by each other no matter what.
Lurking in the background we see Jonas wondering why Fancy Pants is talking with Jugs. As soon as Jugs bounces off, Jonas makes his approach to interrogate him. Fancy Pants immediately reassures the paranoid Jonas saying that he's with the men, but he's only pretending to be with the girls. That seems good enough for Jonas as he lurches back to the construction site satisfied with all he has heard. It's only when he's halfway to his destination does he stop and scratch his head. Hmm, why doesn't Fancy Pants ever work? How does he get away with it? Jonas looks to the sand in deep contemplation and considers for a smidge that Fancy Pants could be working with the women. With a sigh and a shoulder shrug, Jonas trundles off back to work. That's our Jonas. No questions, no worries. Whatever. It's cool. For me, Jonas is a cucumber. You use it in sushi rolls where you're not quite ready to take the risk yet. "No raw fish for me please. I'll just have the cucumber." That's Jonas. Crunchy Jonas.
Back at Salami a narrow reed of a woman, Kim, is slithering her way all along the beach in search of an Idol. She wraps herself around tree limbs while poking in and out of inviting holes searching for the prize. Eventually she finds it and we all just kind of yawned. It's hard to care about someone with the personality of a carpet fiber. Kim is another one of those cornflake girls where you think there's something there but the second you pour milk on her she wilts and gets all soggy. Things are getting kind of gross and I go a sleepy time. You end up pushing her down the garbage disposal never giving her a second thought.
So, with the Idol in her vagina, Kim lopes on over to share the news with Prunes. Why these people always tell each other their secrets is a mystery to me. I guess Prunes is her best good friend, but still... just once I'd like to see someone truly pull an Idol blindside. What's more is that, like so many Idol holders before her, Kim now believes that she and Prunes have an amazing power. An amazing power would be to entertain me with your charisma. That would be an amazing power. To have an Idol is nice and helpful, but it's not a victory. Season in and season out, I never understand this mentality that the Idol makes someone untouchable. To me, the Idol is nice to have and can save your ass when you need it. And then, that's it. It's gone and you can't use it anymore. Were its eyes to light up like rubies and it was able to cast a spell giving the tribe an incurable flesh eating disease, then we'll talk because that could be really cool. Until that happens, it's nothing more than a way to save yourself for one week. ONE week. One. Not two, not three. One.
Over at Menudo, the gentle beast is sleeping... in a speedo. Shh, don't wake Tarzan. While it's nappy time for the geritol crowd and Fancy Pants, Monica tiptoes over to a stray chicken. She gingerly pulls the string of an awaiting chicken trap and traps the sucker. Jugs bursts on the scene jumping up and down, "We are so fed! We are so fed!" But, the giant weight of her bosoms bobbing up and down triggered a fault line or something and the cage shifted letting the frantic chicken run free. With his belly hanging over the edge of his pants, Fancy Pants gnaws on his cuticles and moans, "These people suck at Survivor. I mean, let's be honest." He thinks a little more about the upcoming challenge and, in addition to deciding that they're already going to lose, he's now changed his mind and wants to get rid of Monica instead of ChaCha. He pitches the idea to an alarmingly receptive Jugs. *smacks Jugs in the head because I know she's reading this* Jugs! What happened to Take Back The Night and Roe v. Wade and suffrage and Gloria and all that other crap? *throws hands in the air* Ugh!
And this brings us to the big Immunity Challenge. Come on in guys! For today's challenge, three members of each tribe will race to get a ball in the water. Teams will then shoot the ball into a basket while members of the competing tribe try to stop you any way they can. First tribe to score three points wins. Survivors ready, go!
First up it's 3 men taking on 3 men. We have Larry, Curly, and Moe up against Michael, Jay, and Troyzan. The ball flies free and Jay immediately shoves Fancy Pants in the chest. He sinks under the water and even though hope floats, I hoped Fancy Pants forgot how to swim in that moment and sunk right to the very bottom. Jay races to the ball, passing it to Michael, and boom. Salami 1-0.
Next up we have teams of 2 women and 1 man. It's ChaCha, Monica, and Leif up against Sabrina, Kat, and Michael. Sabrina steals Jay's opening move and shoves ChaCha away while Michael steals the ball. Leif tries to splash him with water to distract him from shooting while Monica comes out of nowhere and snags the ball away. In anger, Michael lifts Leif out of the water and tosses him back to New Zealand but the little man swims back in time to steal the ball away again only to shoot and narrowly miss. Kat gets the ball next but now it's all covered in powdered sugar and grape jelly. Leif tackles her at the waist proving to be an amazing competitor despite his size. In the end, it just wasn't enough and Michael scores again. Salami 2-0.
In the all women's relay it's ChaCha, Monica, and Jugs up against Kat, Sabrina, and Prunes. Kat makes an early escape with the ball only to have ChaCha wrestle her down and try to drown her. The ball breaks free and after a failed shot by Sabrina, Monica gets the ball and scores! Salami -2, Menudo -1.
We shift back to the same men's line up we had in round 1. Dimples lobs the ball in and we see Fancy Pants prance and waddle like a goose on speed. He leaps on top of the ball while Michael pushes him under and, for a second, I wondered who to root for. I don't want Menudo to lose, but... Fancy Pants may drown and that would kind of be a win. Before I can decide which way to lean Tarzan rips Jay off of Fancy Pants and Fancy Pants tosses a ridiculously short air ball. Eventually, the ball ends up in Michael's hands which means, get ready for it... SALAMI WINS IMMUNITY!!!
Back at Menudo, the gentle giant yet again sleeps. Oh sure, Tarzan's tribe just lost the challenge, but shhhh. If he doesn't get his rest now he won't be in a good mood come 4:00 (aka dinner time) and a cranky Tarzan is an unwelcome Tarzan. The rest of the tribe talks amongst themselves and Monica is quick to remind everyone how she scored a point in the game. Jonas high fives her and an awkward silence falls over the scene. Monica asks, "Well, now what?" Jugs stares at the ground and shifts uncomfortably while Monica and Leif caucus about how they need to stay strong for the next challenge. As a fellow bad ass, Leif seems cool with Monica and I'm immediately reminded how poorly Fancy Pants has treated Leif in the past. If only Leif would say something to the women about it! Why he's still pledging loyalty to the men who wanted him out not 48 hours ago is mind boggling. His first day in that camp should have gone something like this, "Fancy Pants is a psycho. I have no future with the men. I'm with you ladies." Can you imagine how different a game this would be?
So while my mind is going through all the scenarios that aren't playing out, Fancy Pants is locking in Monica as the one to go home. Meanwhile, Jugs is telling ChaCha that Tarzan is the one to the go. She lying of course, but ChaCha thinks it's a grand idea because Tarzan sucks at competitions and has an unusual amount of hair growing out of his ears. ChaCha passes the Tarzan message along to Jonas who agrees that Tarzan sucked in the challenge yet we all know he wants to keep the old goat around.
Sensing that something stinks in Menudo, Monica makes the rounds to make sure that she's indeed staying. They all tell her Tarzan is going home and she's all like, "Are you sure?" You know what that is, don't you? That's an Oprah whisper. It's when you know deep inside that something isn't quite right. You get a gnawing in your gut or maybe it's just a tickle on the back of your neck. You may feel it when you meet an unsavory character or board a plane that's about to crash. If only those whispers could scream...
So now there's only one more person to get on board - Tarzan.
"Tarzan, we're voting out Monica."
"Mon-i-ca. Tell me which one she is."
"She's wearing a pink bikini."
"Ok green bikini."
"No! Pink."
"Right. Daisy in the pink bikini."
"No! Monica in the pink bikini."
"Gotcha. Pink in the Monica bikini."
"Just remember, Monica Lewinsky."
"And what color bikini does she have on?"
"She's not wearing a bikini! Remember Monica Lewinsky and you'll remember Monica."
"O.K. The Big Lebowski. No problemo."
And this brings us to Tribal Council. Right away Monica talks about how it was hard to leave the rest of the girls, but in a nice surprise it turns out that the Menudo beach is better, the food is plentiful, and everyone is playing like a team. At home, I cringed while on the dais that creepy Fancy Pants smiled to himself. It didn't end with a smile though. He goes on to say that if Monica can save this sinking ship then by all means she should take the wheel. "We need Monica!", he declares. Oh shut up you! Oh he makes me so angry. Here's the thing, I like Monica. She was always my dark horse to win. Plus, she's ridiculously nice. So sitting here watching Fancy Pants weave his evil webs of deceit is infuriating.
Dimples turns his attention to Jugs and asks her to chime in on Monica. "I definitely umm think she's umm amazing and just the most amazing... she's really amazing and does all these amazing things and amazingly she's amazing." Red flag! Red flag! I see it, you see it, Dimples sees it, but does Monica see it? Dimples interrupts, "I smell a 'but' coming." *giggles* Jugs finally fesses up that Monica can be seen as a threat. Honey, you need to worry about winning challenges right now, not some physical threat. If anyone is a threat, it's Fancy Pants. Monica is athletic, but not very deceptive. Deceit would be what I would target first. Always.
Let's see what Tarzan thinks about all of this. Yo Tarzan. You awake?
"I've dropped my assertiveness on a different lodestar."
I think that translates to "Does anyone have any Prevacid?"
"I shan't say because the game is afoot."
Dude, I'm not rubbing your feet.
"That's a neologism."
Jism. Eww, stop it!
"I have nominal aphasia."
Dimples manages to work out that this means Tarzan can't remember people's names so, naturally, he asks Tarzan to name his tribe members.
"That's Alice and that there is Bobby and then there's Patrick and Garrett. That little one there, that's Lotus. And where's Beauford?" *everyone looks around* "Oh, right there. There's Beauford. And then of course. No one can forget Skippy. Lastly, there's Lucy."
Dimples is tempted to point out that he's named one person too many, but then he figured he was Lucy so he stayed quiet.
No matter how much Dimples tried to make Tarzan out to be a buffoon, no one takes the hint and Monica is the 5th person voted out of Survivor: One World. That one hurt because I don't particularly care for the Salami tribe and I fear the women left on the Menudo tribe won't last much longer. Bummer.
So, what did you guys think of last night's episode? Are you surprised Fancy Pants has stayed in control? Can Menudo win a challenge? Will the women on Salami stick together? Who do you think gets hurt next week? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
55 comments:
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 2:48 PM
Menudo = Morons. 'Nuff said.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 3:02 PM
I hope Fancy Pants hurts himself. Hell, if he got a splinter he'd be out for the count. Lord I hate Colton.ReplyDelete
Pinky swear Colton? Really? What are you, 6?
Besides, it's the only way he won't make it to the end because they're just too damned stupid to get rid of his ass.
He's a total sleaze wrapped up in a fairy costume.
Once again, wonderful recap. I raise my Hendricks martini to you.
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 3:15 PM
Everyone should know, if you truly want a miracle to stick around, and be appreciated, the women should have douched with it. Even a miracle wants the warmth and coziness of a woman's love. Lip service will only get you so far. Another wonderful blog, Colette!ReplyDelete
- Dave in San DiegoMarch 15, 2012 at 3:21 PM
No I am not surprised that Fancy Pants has remained in control. Just as I am not surprised that people are voting for Rick Santorum... People actually voted for George Bush...Twice. After his first term of actually trying to destroy this country more than one person voted for him for a second term... the same phenomena explains Fancy Pants' reign. Ignorance, inattentiveness, laziness, all pave the way for a psychopath to take control..ReplyDeleteReplies
- sick of politicsMarch 19, 2012 at 1:24 AM
Can we keep our political views out of this?Delete
- MotorcopMarch 19, 2012 at 1:37 AM
Please, no politics!Delete
Thanks for the Tori reference.ReplyDelete
Do you have thoughts on the scenes from next week (aka: Future lies)?Replies
I haven't seen anything other than the tiny promo last night at the end of the show. I know someone else goes home and I guess it's "historical" because it'll be two people in one season.Delete
Are there more scenes posted somewhere else?
Yes, I too was titillated by the Cornflake reference. (Also: the Dude abides!) I don't know what I like best about this blog--your cultural and intellectual references or your naughty humor. I keep coming back for all of it.Delete
Thanks for clearing up the 'historical' tease. That makes complete sense. (But funny thing is--I'd totally forgotten about that poor girl who shattered her arm in the first episode. I'd completely forgotten we'd already lost someone to medivac!)
Except for the most horrible Infant to *ever* exist, they've all been remarkably boring players...so unfortunately, I doubt the medivac will bring a major change to the game unless it is the Infant who goes.
Looking forward to the next edition. Until then, I'm working on creating a special celebration drink for when Prunes eventually gets voted off. She seems like a Miller Lite kinda girl--but hell, I'm not. So I will create something worthy of a true boozateria. --Cheers!--
Once again great recap Miss Lala, despite evil Colton I was going for the Menudo tribe mainly because of Cha Cha and Monica who I both simply adored, now that the latter has gone, only another miracle that you spoke of will save Cha Cha, then I suppose I'll have to become Team Salani but the merge may have happened by then and does Jugs truly believe that once Cha Cha goes that the next target won't be her jugs herself, if she thinks Fancy Pants is going to vote out the men before her then she is a dumb ass.ReplyDelete
Is it any kind of miraculous coincidence that Salami scored the people that they did, I mean let's face it, the three strongest guys and four strongest girls versus the, well the remainder, sees too good to be true, were the eggs labelled so they picked up their own knowing full well their fate or luck before cracking open their future...just saying.
I would also just like to point out something I and obviously everyone else as well have been thinking for several weeks and Dimples highlighted it last night....Tarzan is a dickhead and needs to be taken to an area far away where dickheads run free. I agree Dimples tried to tell everyone else that this person was a waste of space and his place not only on this tribe but on this entire survivor season is questionable.
I host a survivor fan page and about the time Kourtney left the game, someone posted that "____________" was evacuated in episode 6 and now it is turning out to be in fact true. If you want to know who I heard you can PM me.
You have a great week too Bitch and thanks again. It's a thrill.Replies
I forgot your plug again. Dammit!Delete
No need for the credit, I am happy if it helps you :)Delete
Of course you get credit!Delete
Well deserved.
- kandeekaneMarch 16, 2012 at 2:31 PM
I don't know how to PM somebody. I also tried to find your Survivor fan page but had no luck. I want to know who gets hurt in next weeks episode. Can somebody post some info about these things please? Thanx.Delete
kandeekane, Rob's FB Group is called Survivor Seasons. I think he meant that you can PM him there on Facebook.Delete
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 3:43 PM
My money's on Tarzan...as the one who gets hurt next week, that is. It appears that the tribe-switching twist really unhinged him--notice that he, the ever-vocal Tarzan, had nothing to say when the twist was revealed, and he obviously lost his marbles for the rest of the episode. I predict that, next week, he is the one going down, a victim of ISLAND MADNESS! (a.k.a. dehydration).ReplyDelete
A few more thoughts:
I love the basketball/wrestling challenge! Always a pleasure. Especially this time, seeing Leif tossed around like a bean bag, and Fancy Pants flopping all over the place.
And, the New Salami is loaded athletically (except for Kat); and the New Menudo is toast, espcially with Fancy Pants and a clueless Jugs at the helm.
It's all Sabrina's fault.ReplyDelete
We can track the madness back to her giving Colton the Immunity Idol. Colton would be gone and Monica would still be there.
- SidonieMarch 15, 2012 at 4:17 PM
One thing I do like about Tarzan: he's the first person to refuse to answer Jeff's ridiculously probing questions about strategy. I've always been amazed at how people will talk to Jeff as if the rest of the tribe isn't sitting RIGHT there, so it was kind of nice to see someone remind him that the game is still being played and players might not want to be forced to tip their hands.ReplyDelete
Jonas the crunchy cucumber - LOL! I spit out my Diet Dr. Pepper at that one.ReplyDelete
Your description of Fancy Pants as a souless fun-sucker made me think of a dementor. Colton is a friggin' dementor. For some reason these fools believe him - I think his evil ass might actually win this whole thing.
I'm pulling for Sabrina. She's strong, has a decent attitude, and can be counted on to make a smart ass comment now and again. Yes, she made the mistake of giving The Dementor the idol, but she quickly realized that he was an annoying tool, so I totally forgive her.
Awesome post, as always.
- SkittleMarch 15, 2012 at 4:43 PM
As usual, great recap this week Lala! You make my day a tad brighter on a weekly basis and for that I am grateful.ReplyDelete
Disappointed that Monica got voted out as I was rooting for her. She seems like the kind of bitch I would love hanging out with. Nice to see the producers got inspired by Ozzy with that whole tribe switcheroo thing.
I was chuckling to myself when Jay mentioned the tribe Manono, I remember thinking ..Hah! Idiot got his tribe wrong..its Menudo!...Until I realized that I was the one that got it wrong. But you know what, I don't care! to me, Manono will always be Menudo no matter what Jay says.
After watching the promo for next week's ep, was anyone else hoping that ChaCha had dragged FP into the jungle to rough him up a little but ended up killing him? I sure do hope so.
- SouthernMarch 15, 2012 at 4:59 PM
Best part of the entire episode was when Jay began the immunity challenge by shoving Fancy Pants.ReplyDelete
It does seems way too coincidental that the tribes split out with such disparity. Poor Monica. What happened to her was a bummer. She didn't deserve to be voted off.
I stand second to nobody in my contempt for Colton, but you have to give credit where it's due: he's playing a very good Survivor game - he's been in total control of not one, but now two tribes. He is ruling by fear and superior intelligence. It's quite Russell-like.ReplyDelete
I know he's a loathsome person on every level, but that doesn't take away from the fact that this is true.
This Survivor episode was not great: switching the tribes so early really disrupted the momentum and drama that was finally starting to build. It just all seems so scattered now.
Colette: Thanks for taking an incredibly boring episode and making it entertaining for us, I bet it was a challenge for you this week. I try to select my favorite quote each week and this time it's the "cornflake girls", which of course is absolutely true about Kim. Since I am a guy, could one of you ladies explain why the women were so eager to believe and trust Fancy Pants this week, what happened to female intuition? So, Colton is picking off the potential "leaders", regardless of athletic ability, the Salami tribe had better bond in advance and vote him out after the merge, they will certainly have the majority numbers.ReplyDelete
As far as the contestents and producers reading this blog, I'm guessing most make it their first read just like the rest of us, and if they are reading this, please give us real game players next season, this season is a huge disappointment and karma is setting in with all of the injuries and evacuations, remember, once things go south, it is very difficult to bring it back.
I'm glad see Colton end up on the weaker team, hopefully this is the beginning of his end. All we need is for one person on the tribe to have an independant thought, and who knows what could happen?ReplyDelete
Oh, who I am fooling, that won't happen.
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 9:01 PM
Did anyone notice how excited Fancy Pants was after being mud-wrestled by the strong men? This blog site is fun--happy I found it.ReplyDelete
Quote Man & Sidonie, I agree completely!(Both are very astute.)ReplyDelete
Perhaps Colton's next gig should be Big Brother. Great place to be despised.
P.S. Colette, I continue to come here for giggles & great writing. Thx!
Just happy to not have to look at another bad boob job next week. Those things looked hard as rocks and what a separation between them!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 10:55 PM
Monica is right: You ARE a goddess. ;-) Boring episode but great blog as usual. Don't know how you did it this week with so little to work with.ReplyDelete
I've been meaning to tell you how much I enjoy it when you use the quaint Gumpism, "best good friend". That and a 'Charmed' reference slipped in somewhere and I'm over the moon! But this week it was 'tunes in to Tokyo'. Right away I flashed back to 6th grade and Marc Montgomery chasing me around the playground at recess trying to tune into my Tokyo's.
I have no clue how Colton has been able to rule two tribes. People are comparing him to Russell but Russell was never a leader. Russell was a back-alley, slithering snake. He never positioned himself to be in a leadership role as Colton has. Russell was a puppet-master behind the scenes. Colton is out there barking orders and deciding who should go home all the while drying his nails and trying to camouflage his man-boobs. There is no comparison between Russel and Colton in my opinion. And the only similarity is that they're both 'villains'. While I loathe Colton he's about the only interesting person on the island. I thought Sabrina was interesting for a few minutes but I don't anymore.
I hate to admit it but I loved when Tarzan said, 'shant'. I mean.....SHANT! Who has ever uttered the word 'shant' at Tribal Council? Who would even utter it in general conversation?! "I shant say because the game is afoot." Love it!!!! I detected no pretension in anything Tarzan was saying. It just seems like the way the guy talks and I kinda dig it. I like Tarzan, I really do. Shoot me.
I'm guessing it's Chelsea who gets hurt next week. I say that only because she seems like a mean stick-in-the-mud. Maybe she's bitter because she had to leave the game.
Can't wait till next week, Colette!
I shan't disagree with you, Tarzan was great at Tribal! And you're absolutely correct, it seems like this sort of language is totally him. Maybe he'll be able to keep himself in the game now that he has a new lodestar...Delete
- AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 11:09 PM
That has got to be one of the worst votes ever. I hate to see the deserving people go. At this point, WINNING should be the deciding factor in a vote. Why worry about the merge if you're tribe is so weak that you might not even make it there anyway?ReplyDelete
I wanted to see more of Monica's strategic game. Oh well, that's survivor for you. I just hope somebody realizes that having a hidden immunity idol doesn't makre you invincible. Like you said, Lala, it protects you for one vote and that's it. I'm hoping someone can figure Colton out and oust him. I don't want to see a repeat of "Redemption Island" where everybody toppled over like dominoes and let Boston Rob have his way.
Great blog post.
- AnonymousMarch 16, 2012 at 12:20 AM
I have found that the show is actually more fun, and more entertaining, watching it a second time, after reading your blog.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 16, 2012 at 1:25 AM
Did anyone else hear Fancy Pants scream "help me!" in the last round?ReplyDeleteReplies
I heard him squealing, thought maybe it was something along the lines of "MAMA!" - good catch on that!Delete
- AnonymousMarch 16, 2012 at 8:29 AM
Great recap, as always, Colette!ReplyDelete
Tarzan has nominal aphasia... So do I. I often can't remember names. I just didn't realize there was a "name" for not caring enough to make an effort. Nobody mentions how scary it would be to have him as your doctor. Can't you just see him coming into an exam room calling a person by the wrong name repeatedly? I wonder if he looks at all the bad boob implants and thinks he could have done better.
I'm going to say this about Colton, as I said about Richard in Season 1 and many others throughout the seasons: If they don't vote him out now, they deserve to lose to him! Just hand him the million.
I cannot remember who the woman is in the preview saying "I never thought this would happen" as a clue to the medevac. (Of course I have nominal aphasia - or I don't bother to remember until later in the game.) That would give a clue as to which tribe is involved. Please let it be Alicia going before her boobs explode!
- AnonymousMarch 16, 2012 at 8:34 AM
I agree that Fancy Pants is playing a good game. How he does it is anybody's guess. I suppose it helps to be playing with a bunch of idiots.ReplyDelete
Generally, I like Sabrina ... but Tarzan is really growing on me. (Ooh - that sounded icky! I didn't mean it quite that way.) The man is scary on many levels, and I sure don't want to have to share the same beach (or water hole, or swimming pool, or neighborhood park, or office space) with him, but as long as he is a little man stuck inside my television box, I can continue to root for him. The game is afoot!
- AnonymousMarch 16, 2012 at 12:14 PM
Colton on Big Brother would be great!ReplyDelete
I had a fit of the giggles throughout the whole blog! Great work Lala! Also, I noticed in your "thatsbobby" photo that Tarzan didn't wear any pants to Tribal Council. Only that makeshift knee brace thing. He's hilarious!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 16, 2012 at 2:22 PM
Seeing how easily Colton was able to take control of his new tribe really impressed me. The real magic will be if Colton can crack the four girl alliance when the tribes merge. If he can do that he can win this game. Colton is a good villain and definitely entertaining.ReplyDelete
- yours trulyMarch 16, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Another great blog by the Queen of Bitches. Another complicated uncomplicated episode of Survivor.ReplyDelete
I didn't like the producer intervention but accept it. I have no idea why it had to be extra punitive by making the already randomly sick tribe recreate a habitat and locate resources.
We were previously excited about tales of the good ship HMS Vagina. I'm thinking the collective dimwits pulled it ashore at low tide and it floated away on the next high tide. It's mucous finish is glistening in the sunshine on a distant beach.
Dear Colette, please avoid the word amazing. You can't avoid it when quoting Jugs or most anything else. I made it a drinking game and rarely last more than a few minutes. It's not hear a word and take a shot. It's hear it and start chugging, it's every other word. American Idol had me groggy until they hooked up with the new word, 'crazy'.
Back to the show. FP has super powers. What are they? He's still worthless around camp and in challenges. His mastermind move this week was to....??? recruit Alice? The men, all from his former tribe, and getting blow jobs, had the numbers vote when the tribe was formed. Another reason to question how random the new tribes are. It's unlikely we'll find out how the 4-3 women advantage will play out on the other tribe.
The changeover was too quick for any new alliances to form and get rid of the obvious illness with the idol. The show should have scrubbed that slate clean in the process too. It probably doesn't matter since I didn't hear it come up in conversation. Jonas sums it up, if it's not him he doesn't care and he's not playing. Neither is anyone else, or so it seems at this point.
It will be a slog going forward. Kim found an idol that she doesn't need unless her girls flip for no reason.
Not much to admire at this point. I already gave FP points for fooling the guys once. With the bar so low, that's a meaningless achievement.
I'm an LPL fan for his heart and efforts. There was a whisper by Troyzan about God(s) in the game. Heck, a Pagan ritual might be entertaining. Let's hope for some drums in the next reward challenge.
I feel your pain, but you have better drugs.Replies
You want to play the 'Amazing' drinking game - watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette - you won't make it 10 minutes until you leave the land of sober.Delete
- AnonymousMarch 17, 2012 at 1:07 AM
I love youReplyDelete
I was really not going to add anything this time around, as Ms. Lala did her usual superb job of describing the happenings this week. Yes, you do smell a but coming!ReplyDelete
For Dave, and his comments:
"Ignorance, inattentiveness, laziness, all pave the way for a psychopath to take control.."
The same exact words perfectly describe the outcome of the November 2008 election as well.
Never let it be said that I would ever consider letting a slow pitch, perfectly in the strike zone, go without whacking the shit out of it! Sometimes it's just too damned easy!
I'm starting to like colton, he actually pretty good player (strategy wise...kind of like russel) and I can respect that. Kim is also a decent strategizer and so i like what shes doing as well (actually looking for an idol!) though i despise chelsea. i wish she would just quit already..talk about no personalty. what a waste.ReplyDelete
- yours trulyMarch 18, 2012 at 11:31 AM
What an odd construction of dots. You lost me. Russel was a tad more precise. FP has only said he's playing both sides. Is that a thought or an obvious statement? The islanders don't need to hear what we hear to figure that out. It remains easy to toss two names into the fire with 5 willing to vote for anyone else if they don't hear their name on the list. What did Jugs gain by flipping? The guys didn't need her vote and why is she better off when she's identified as easy to get?ReplyDelete
Good for Kim bothering to look around. There is at least one reader here that will be annoyed by her feeling the need to share the find. Oddly enough, Kim chooses Ball Cap as her confidant. So, what is Kim's strategy as you see it? The women already had group immunity if they use solidarity and the gift of numbers. It would seem smarter to keep her mouth shut and her ears open. Then she could protect herself at tribal if she felt something to encourage playing it.
A: Nothing is promised but the odds are in her team's favor not to be going to tribal.
B: What is one reason the women wouldn't stick together and dump a guy if they had to vote?
- MotorcopMarch 19, 2012 at 1:32 AM
Colton reminds me of "Bruno" from the movie "Strangers on a Train".ReplyDelete
- MotorcopMarch 19, 2012 at 1:49 AM
Colton reminds me of " Bruno" from the great Hitchcock movie " Strangers On A Train"ReplyDelete
- Sir Heathcliff of Sparklebottom wrote to...March 19, 2012 at 12:21 PM
Lady Jenny of Sparklebottom,ReplyDelete
Menabilly House,
My dearest wife, I do hope the ship carrying this letter reaches the shores of England unmolested. The accursed pirates of these waters have become emboldened lately due to the infernal machinations of the wholly corrupt Governor of Monroeville Island. Forgive me darling, for I remember how much you dislike hearing details of the uglier aspects of life in the colonies, but I simply must evacuate my soul!
No less than a beheading was I forced to watch! Indeed, I found myself in the invidious position of having to act as witness to the merciless decapitation of a surprisingly resilient and astute castaway by the name of Monica, by the order of that despicable dandy of a Governor.
Yes my dear, 'twas a woman whose pretty head was lopped. How I wish I could ignore the need for diplomacy in this unstable region... it would give me great pleasure to introduce the Governor's pampered neck to the edge of my sabre! Even the usually unflappable Captain Dimples was disgusted by the order, and he rarely holds female castaways in high regard. In fact Captain Dimples rather forgot his station and made a clumsy attempt to direct the attentions of the Governor onto another castaway by the name of Tarzan (a curious name don't you agree? It has a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps I will use it in the novel I intend to write about life among these bloody savages).
Ah but the duties of an Officer and a Gentleman in the far-flung corners of Empire are oft difficult to discharge. In my darker hours it is only the comfort of knowing that I shall return to your faithful embrace that fills me with the necessary fortitude. Which is why I was a tad dispirited to be informed by a crewman of the supply ship HMS Vagina that scuttlebutt is circulating in the taverns of Sparklebottom Towne to the effect that you have had relations with a local stable boy in my absence.
I am aware that a gentleman never pays heed to rumour, and that as a Lady you would never associate with a commoner. However, loneliness can play the most devilish tricks with ones mind! My dearest, I must confess to a nagging Oprah Whisper of suspicion. I find myself continuously pondering that odd remark you made as I boarded the carriage on the day of our parting. Over and over I try to decipher exactly what you meant when, after observing the stable boy preparing the horses, you turned to me and said "Heathcliff, I'm going to fuck the stable boy while you're gone".
I do hope the rumours are false darling, lest I become the laughing stock of Sparklebottom once again.
Your faithful and loving husband,
- AnonymousMarch 21, 2012 at 10:12 AM
I was laughing my head off throughout this entire recap. It's so totally true! And you pointed out something that's been puzzling me from the beginning, why don't Salami just pretend they're not going to vote out Colton...and then just vote him out? An idol doesn't make you God! From what I remember, Ozzy was voted out because he didn't play an idol, yet for some reason Fancy Pants' tribe acts like they will be smited (smoted/smote/smoten??) if they even consider the thought.ReplyDelete
Simply - MAN UP JONAS.
I just gotta say, THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 22, 2012 at 10:42 PM
I am not sure if this will even show up. I'm new to this forum. But, I have watched Survivor from the first season. I think these men are the worst sissies I have ever seen. They let this little weasle "Colton" lead them by their noses. ( im being nice )ReplyDelete
I was just about to give up on this season, but after Wed, I see Colton is gone. GOOD !!!
I can't stand mr sissy pants.
I had a fit of the giggles throughout the whole blog! Great work Lala! Also, I noticed in your "thatsbobby" photo that Tarzan didn't wear any pants to Tribal Council. Only that makeshift knee brace thing. He's hilarious!ReplyDelete


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See a larger version
Jody Folwell, Santa Clara, Brown jar with ghost horse design
Pueblo: Santa Clara
Dimensions: 9 in H by 10 3/4 in Dia
Item Number: lfscd9303
Price: $ 4400
Description: Brown jar with ghost horse design
Condition: Very goodℑs=4
Signature: Jody
Santa Clara Pueblo
Ruins at Puye Cliffs, Santa Clara Pueblo
Santa Clara Pueblo straddles the Rio Grande about 25 miles north of Santa Fe. Of all the pueblos, Santa Clara has the largest number of potters.
The ancestral roots of the Santa Clara people have been traced to the pueblos in the Mesa Verde region in southwestern Colorado. When that area began to get dry between about 1100 and 1300, some of the people migrated to the Chama River Valley and constructed Poshuouinge (about 3 miles south of what is now Abiquiu on the edge of the mesa above the Chama River). Eventually reaching two and three stories high with up to 700 rooms on the ground floor, Poshuouinge was inhabited from about 1375 to about 1475. Drought then again forced the people to move, some of them going to the area of Puye (on the eastern slopes of the Pajarito Plateau of the Jemez Mountains) and others to Ohkay Owingeh (San Juan Pueblo, along the Rio Grande). Beginning around 1580, drought forced the residents of the Puye area to relocate closer to the Rio Grande and they founded what we now know as Santa Clara Pueblo on the west bank of the river, between San Juan and San Ildefonso Pueblos.
In 1598 Spanish colonists from nearby Yunque (the seat of Spanish government near San Juan Pueblo) brought the first missionaries to Santa Clara. That led to the first mission church being built around 1622. However, the Santa Clarans chafed under the weight of Spanish rule like the other pueblos did and were in the forefront of the Pueblo Revolt of 1680. One pueblo resident, a mixed black and Tewa man named Domingo Naranjo, was one of the rebellion's ringleaders. When Don Diego de Vargas came back to the area in 1694, he found most of the Santa Clarans on top of nearby Black Mesa (with the people of San Ildefonso). An extended siege didn't subdue them so eventually, the two sides negotiated a treaty and the people returned to their pueblo. However, successive invasions and occupations by northern Europeans took their toll on the tribe over the next 250 years. The Spanish flu pandemic in 1918 almost wiped them out.
Today, Santa Clara Pueblo is home to as many as 2,600 people and they comprise probably the largest per capita number of artists of any North American tribe (estimates of the number of potters run as high as 1-in-4 residents).
Today's pottery from Santa Clara is typically either black or red. It is usually highly polished and designs might be deeply carved or etched ("sgraffito") into the pot's surface. The water serpent, ("avanyu"), is a traditional design motif of Santa Clara pottery. Another motif comes from the legend that a bear helped the people find water during a drought. The bear paw has appeared on their pottery ever since.
One of the reasons for the distinction this pueblo has received is because of the evolving artistry the potters have brought to the craft. Not only did this pueblo produce excellent black and redware, several notable innovations helped move pottery from the realm of utilitarian vessels into the domain of art. Different styles of polychrome redware emerged in the 1920's-1930's. In the early 1960's experiments with stone inlay, incising and double firing began. Modern potters have also extended the tradition with unusual shapes, slips and designs, illustrating what one Santa Clara potter said: "At Santa Clara, being non-traditional is the tradition." (This refers strictly to artistic expression; the method of creating pottery remains traditional).
Santa Clara Pueblo is home to a number of famous pottery families: Tafoya, Baca, Gutierrez, Naranjo, Suazo, Chavarria, Garcia, Vigil, Tapia - to name a few.
Santa Clara Pueblo at Wikipedia
Pueblos of the Rio Grande, Daniel Gibson, ISBN-13:978-1-887896-26-9, Rio Nuevo Publishers, 2001
Upper photo courtesy of Einar Kvaran, Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License
Print this Pueblo History(.pdf)
Pottery Care & Consideration
- The most obvious tip: Yes, the pots will break if you drop them!
- Do not expose pottery to water (Inside or outside). Do not wipe with a damp cloth.
- Dust pottery only with a soft, smooth cloth (no terry cloth or textured fabric). A very soft paintbrush (sable or camel) can be used.
- Always use two hands to carry your pot: one on top and one on the bottom, or one hand on each side. Be careful with handles, they can be fragile. Do not grip or lift pots by the rim. Take care when wearing jewelry, rings can scratch the finish.
- Place a piece of felt or cloth between the pot and the shelf to protect the signature.
- Avoid exposing pottery to extreme temperature changes.
For those who live in "earthquake country" (also good for mischievous pets):
- Weigh pots down with a small zip lock bag containing sand, glass marbles, rice, etc. Do not fill the pot more than one third full as you want them bottom heavy. Remember to remove the weight before moving.
- Secure your shelves; make sure they are well attached to the walls. Shelf brackets should be of sufficient length and strength to support the weight of your pottery.
- Prevent pots from sliding. Consider attaching a small wooden molding to the front of shelves. Line shelves with non-slip material (a thin sheet of rubber foam, Styrofoam sheeting, etc.)
- If you need assistance with special problems, major cleaning (your grandchild spills ice cream on your pot), restoration or repair (the cat breaks a pot), or replacement (irreparable damage), please feel free to call us.
We hope these ideas help you maintain the beauty and value of your pottery for years of enjoyment.
100 West San Francisco Street, Santa Fe, New Mexico 87501 (505) 986-1234
Santa Fe, NM 87501


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Take It From The Top
Embedded systems aren't what they used to be. It wasn't long ago that a developer had to watch every instruction to make the most out of the tiny program storage and relatively low speeds of most processors. Today, even inexpensive processors outstrip a typical PC from a decade ago. You can afford to be a little sloppier unless you are really pushing the envelope.
I think it is more than just the increase in hardware capability, though. The accessibility of large embedded processors with high-level languages has brought a whole new breed of programmers into the embedded arena. Programmers that have a different background and experience.
Java-based processors haven't made the impact I thought they might, but if you count Android as a kind of Java, the impact was far in excess of my expectations. Small boards like the Raspberry Pi and Beagle Board are making it possible to write embedded applications in JavaScript or Python.
If you look at embedded software, it is usually pretty easy to guess if the developer had a hardware background or a "big" software background. I've seen embedded systems over the last few years that use 128-bit Globally Unique Identifiers (GUIDs) and big databases — things you normally see on workstation and server software.
I'm not saying that these are necessarily bad things. It all depends on the problem at hand. But when I see a PIC with a temperature sensor and a heater controller using 14 C++ classes backed up with six pages of UML charts, I have to wonder.
For simple programs, I often turn to a simple top-down design method that Forth was well suited for (even though I rarely use Forth anymore). The idea is to write your top-level program in the form of your high-level requirements (or your use cases, if you prefer). Then you decompose each of the functions into lower and lower level functions until you have something simple enough to just bang out and test.
For example, suppose I need a data logger that will read a few analog inputs every 5 minutes, write the results to EEPROM, and then when a modem carrier detect appears, empty the EEPROM data over a serial port. My main might look like this:
#include "datalog.h" #define NRCHAN 4 // number of channels to read/store #define CYCLETIME 300 // cycle time in seconds void main() { initialize(); while (true) { if (time_to_acq()) { if (!eeprom_full()) { store_sensor_readings(NRCHAN); } } // if (time_to_acq(CYCLETIME) if (carrier_detect()) { // send until caller acknowledges or hangs up while (!send_receipt() && carrier_detect()); { write_data_set(NRCHAN); } if (send_receipt()) { clear_eeprom(); clear_receipt(); } while (carrier_detect()); // after success, wait } // if (carrier_detect()) } // while (true) } // main
Your tastes in decomposition might be different from mine, but this is reasonably clean and self-documenting (more or less). At this stage, any call to a library function should be off limits. These functions are purely manifestations of your requirements. It is OK to reuse functions (like
carrier_detect) where you need the same function in more than one place.
The next step, of course, is to write all the functions you just made up. In some simple cases, these might actually do the task. Or you may decide to just decompose into more made up functions:
void clear_eeprom() { eeprom_data_pointer=0; erase_eeprom(); }
Library calls would be fair game at this level or below. Depending on what you are writing this can be a very productive way to develop. If you need more efficiency, you can always debug using this structure and then simply reduce the number of functions late in the development process.
This is hardly a new idea. You can consider it top-down design. It also has a lot in common with an idea in robotics called subsumption architecture. In Forth, you'd often go the opposite way: Figure out what little primitive operations you needed and then build them up into more complex words (similar to a function) until you had one word "datalog" (or whatever).


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INTRODUCING The 3rd Edition of…
Vince DelMonte's Muscle Shredding, Button Popping
Hardgainer's Success Kit
Here's what you're getting…
This is the instantly downloadable 201 page body sculpting manual. The same book that is literally changing the lives of hundreds of skinny, average and chubby guys and gals. The book that promises to build natural mass in the shortest time possible!
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As the title suggests, "No Nonsense" gets right down to it. It is not just another e-book with a bunch of boring pages that you won't even finish reading. It's actually the opposite!
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Now is the time!
Intensive Workout Program
You get exclusive access to a secret website that gives you insider information to skyrocket your success.
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This first 29 weeks is the exact way I trained when I gained 41 lbs of muscle in six months.
You get access to an entire years worth of workouts which leaves you with zero guesswork and a years worth of injury free workouts.
Here you'll receive even MORE tools you may need to guarantee success! Including…
- 3-D animated pictures of each exercise so you can see exactly how to do the exercise properly.
- Verbal exercise descriptions that reinforce the animations so you can't make a mistake!
- Program details for each workout i.e. sets, reps, rest, tempo. Forget the guesswork of other systems. Vince lays it all out there!
- Special tips and advice for each workout. This is especially important because you get extra advice right from Vince!
- Built-in-calender to keep you on target to meet your goals!
- Log book for you track and for me to monitor your workouts.
- And a private members only forum to chat with your fellow trainees, ask questions and talk to your coach.
And much, much more.
Max Power Workout Program
So you already have a few years of solid training under your belt?
For those who consider them self an advanced trainer then consider this a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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Warning:This program was specifically designed to take you WAY outside of your comfort zone and take your muscularity to an entire new level. If you end up in the washroom after the first 15 minutes- don't be hard on yourself.
You get exclusive access to the same secret website that gives you additional insider information to skyrocket your success.
Kick Start Program
completely unique preparation program to GUARANTEE and jump start your success…"
As a professional fitness trainer, Vince knows that starting any fitness training program - no matter who you are - with any of the following issues is absolute suicide:
- Poor posture
- Weak core muscles
- Underdeveloped body parts
- Minimal flexibility
- Previous injuries
- Shoulder instability
- Imbalances from left to right
- Poor heart and lung strength
Whatever the case, I have created a completely unique introductory kick start program called Upside Down Training. Can you believe that the majority of testimonials you read on this page are from people who are only in the INTRODUCTORY phase!!!
Here is what the Upside Down Training (UDT) prioritizes before you commence the 29 week programs:
- Postural Imbalances - Most programs online assume your body is in perfect alignment. Training with nil posture is like taking a misaligned car out onto a long road trip. Guess what's going to happen when you start pushing it? It's going to break down! UDT focuses on the exact exercises you should do and which ones you should avoid at all costs. UDT training will make you look bigger simply by correcting your poor posture!
- Shoulder Stability - Most guys have no idea that they are causing more harm than good but will find out in 10 years from now when they get hurt and start paying for a therapists next vacation. UDT will ensure your shoulders stay healthy for a lifetime.
- Core Stability - You think shoulders injuries are bad? Not a chance compared to lower back ones! Anybody with a low back injury would not wish it upon their worst enemy. UDT will build up the strongest core muscles that Bruce Lee couldn't even penetrate.
- Upper Body and Lower Body Flexibility Training - if your as stiff as a board then your body is SCREAMING for an injury. No other online course offers an entire years worth of stretching programs to ensure your body is ready to train hard without injury.
- Specialization Training On Lagging Body Parts - You know your only as strong as your weakest link right? So how the heck are you going to build your chest, back, shoulders and legs if your smaller muscle groups are lagging? UDT tells you exactly what exercises to do to ensure you have no limiting muscle groups.
- Bodyweight Conditioning Program - Jealous of how those guys looked in the movie 300? Not only were they ripped and muscular but they were incredibly fit! Just because you want to bulk up and build muscle does not mean you have to sacrifice your heart and lung strength too! UDT will share some killer bodyweight conditioning workouts to ensure your muscularity matches your fitness level too.
You truly have no other option but to succeed when you kick off your program with a completely individualized program to eliminate any potential injuries and lay a rock solid foundation to jump start your muscle growth.
As you can see, Upside Down Training should be a product by itself. This site is actually in the works and will probably be sold for $47-67 once it's released so don't procrastinate.
All I can say is this is worth more than the crazy low price of the entire program.
84 Day HEALTHY Meal Plans:
The Hardgainers Secret Weapon
Eat more, eat more, eat more! I am sure you have heard it a thousand times before. But nobody has shown you exactly what to eat and in what amounts!
After you have access to these meal plans you will no longer have any excuse for not gaining muscle. Print them off and put them in your kitchen. Finally…no more guesswork. Just follow the plans and gain mass muscle!
Other websites offer basic 30 days meal plans, but you're getting 5 unique 84 day meal plans with a variety of food. That's 12 full weeks of no-guesswork, real… healthy eating.
Now you don't have to worry that bulking up means eating fatty foods. These plans range from 2,000 calories to a massive 6,000! Yes… 6,000 calories of healthy eating.
You are in complete control of how much muscle you gain! Can you imagine how huge you will be when you build to the 6000 calorie meal plan!
And no one has these meal plans ANYWHERE. I know this because well… plans like this are not cheap to have made. I'm able to offer them because well…Don't tell anyone, but the guy who owns the nutrition company… He's my workout partner! Shhhhhhh. Separately they'd cost you $235.00 for an entire set.
You will build 5-10 lbs of clean, lean muscle weight in the next 4 weeks guaranteed!
- Grocery lists are included for each week. Vince shows you exactly what you need to buy… and what you don't. Saves you time and money!
- Meal preparation strategies included. Not much of a cook? That doesn't matter, because Vince shows you exactly what to do!
- Absolutely no guess work! Hey… you want to build your muscles… You're not looking for something complicated! Vince makes easy!
Exercise Demonstrator!
My own proprietary database massively packed with more than 100 fully animated exercises.
I custom made this baby by hand!
And the answer is "Yes!" You can even use my program at home even if you only have the bare minimum exercise equipment…I got you covered!
The Insane Virtual Exercise Demonstrator includes every exercise necessary to complete my Intensive 52-week program properly.
Workout out at home, at your school, at your college gym or in a fancy super sized club…every exercise you need is included.
Even if you are a beginner, a young guy or can't afford to get a personal trainer to show you how to execute each exercise safely - the demonstrator will show you how to do each exercise properly.
You'll even get a mini anatomy lesson since all these exercises are conveniently organized by muscle groups and movement patterns. Say goodbye to injuries and say hello to max- power workouts!
If your like most people then you hate number crunching…
Either you don't have the time or don't have a clue on how to calculate your resting metabolic rate, caloric cost of activity, thermic effect of food and adaptive thermogenesis. Did I lose you?
Getting massive (or getting lean for that matter) are based on understanding the exact amount of calories you actually need. Sadly, most people royally screw this up!
You no longer need to navigate through the harsh jungle of energy balance equations.
Just enter your details and my "Metabolic Growth Calculator" will do the rest. Simply tell it if you want to "progressively gain muscle without getting a pot belly," or "gain weight fast at no cost," or "get shredded."
I have everyone of these formulas already calculated for you. I consulted the top exercise nutritionist in the world to create this incredible time saver personally for you!
Vince's Personally Reviewed
Nutritionals Collection
This is the list that is rumored to be on the desk of every muscle magazine editor.
They're scared because I'm not only blowing the lid off all the bad supplements they're hawking, but I'm pointing out the truly useful ones, that in most cases they have nothing to do with.
I have to tell you, it was not easy to get this list. I actually contacted seven recognized scientific authorities to get a complete list of over 500 different nutritional products on the market today!
I almost punched the wall when I found out the supplements I used to be using only had a 3.4% absorption rate (which I was paying almost $100 a month for)!!!
I couldn't keep this information to myself so I have compiled a list of the best nutritionals (even exact brands) ranked by independent researchers that were rated based on absorption, potency and quality.
This information can save you hundreds of dollars this year alone!
Audio Expose!
The audio report that gives you all the ammunition to sidestep the mistakes everyone else is making in the gym.
Most muscle
building sins are forgivable…
…not even the Pope will be able to forgive you for the ones you are about to discover!
Save yourself time… save yourself injuries… save yourself embarrassment… save yourself a trip to the confessional stand!
Burn it to a CD or stuff it into your iPod, because you don't want to be at the gym without it.
Can you imagine having access to your own fitness coach - the guy who wrote your program - at any minute of the day?
The fact is that your going to have questions about any new program you start no matter how nicely it's laid out. That's normal but what if you need answers NOW?
What do you do? Send me an email only to have it blocked by spam filters, Spyware or some other crazy email protection service…
Instant 24/7 Fitness Coach is an accumulation of every single question I have ever been asked since the release of this program.
You need answers to the training program? Questions about the meal plans? Supplementation? Stretching? Injuries?
Simply look up your question and within less than 20 seconds you will get an instant answer. No waiting whatsoever.
If I don't have your answer in my database- just email Vince - and he'll reply personally and add it to this priceless vault!
Currently this is the third version of No-Nonsense Muscle Building and the Hardgainers Success Kit.
I said i would make it better and i did. I believe in constant and never ending improvement.
You will never need to surf the Internet ever again. This is your last stop for information! Once you come on board I will be with you for the long term in continuing to make this program better, more complete and easier to follow.
I'm dedicated to make sure you'll never be "out of the loop." Remain well armed with up to date info in every part of this package!
Whether updates are made in 6 months, a year of even 20 years from one… it's still free for you.
Until I get this package absolutely 100% perfect… you get updated.
Press the "Play" Button To Start The Video.
Finally, after a year in the making, this 4 hour DVD has arrived. You get to see what makes this program so great - LIVE in action. This is the Vince DelMonte like you've always wanted to see - huge, ripped and stronger than hell!
In this inspirational, educational and entertaining DVD, Vince will take you through his own personal kitchen, fridge and cupboards. You'll see him blast through his warm up, weight training workout, stretching routine and cardio program. Every raw detail of his book is explained so that you can build your own awesome physique.
By the end of the 4 hours, you'll have seen Vince tear through every single exercise in his program so you have no excuse to perform the program incorrectly.
The hardest thing about watching this DVD is having to wait til it's over to run to the gym and bust out some serious lifting!
Lifetime Access to the No-Nonsense Private Muscle Building & Six Pack Members Zone'- Welcome to the Internet's premier muscle and fat loss community!
This is the fastest growing online community that combines Vince's muscle building and six pack trainees which is as close as you'll get to visiting me in the Toronto, Ontario area. This is where Vince's members congregate each day.
Have your number one muscle building and fat loss questions answered within minutes, share workout advice, compare results, motivate each other and troubleshoot any problems you're having so you'll never be left out in the dark scratching your head.
The No-Nonsense Private Member Zone is the crown jewel of this program and will fill the missing gap in your success - SOCIAL SUPPORT. No e-book or program is powerful enough alone, without a community of supporters keeping you motivated and accountable to your goals.
On the forum you can:
- Chat with others trying to gain muscle weight or get a six-pack
- Create a training journal and log your progress
- Post your pictures to get feedback
- Discuss muscle building and fat loss training
- Learn more about the supplements I use
- Access a complete area on nutrition
- Get brand name supplement reviews
- Read reviews of famous training programs
- Access more articles and training programs and meal plans
- Audio interviews
And much, much more!
I will eventually be charging $9.95 to $19.95 a month to get access to this private member zone but currently you get LIFETIME access, absolutely FREE.
"Everything you have been looking for is
less than 2 minutes from your finger tips."
Secure No-Risk Acceptance Form
Vince, I'm ready to finally pack on solid muscle, force my body into massive growth, and do it WITHOUT bodybuilding drugs, WITHOUT worthless supplements, and WITHOUT delay!
I understand that I'm getting instant download access to…
No Nonsense Muscle Building
The top-selling fast muscle 201 page manual that is literally changing lives!
Sells For:
Hot Bonus #1
Beginner-Intermediate 29 Week Intensive Plan
The entire step-by-step workout routine. Achieve the perfect workout, without all the guess work!
Valued At:
Hot Bonus #2
Advanced 29 Week MaxPower Plan
The entire step-by-step workout routine. Achieve the perfect workout, without all the guess work!
Valued At:
Hot Bonus #3
Upside Down Training
You truly have no other option but to succeed when you kick off your program with a completely individualized program to eliminate any potential injuries and lay a rock solid foundation to jump start your muscle growth.
Valued At:
Hot Bonus #4
Empowered Nutrition
Five 84 Day Healthy Mass Meal Plans. Eat to grow huge!
Sells For:
$235.00 ($47 a plan if ordered separately)
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The Insane Exercise Demonstrator
Every exercise to work out in your home with limited equipment or in a fancy commercial gym…I got you covered.
Sells For:
Hot Bonus #6
The Metabolic Growth
No more navigating through the harsh jungle of energy balance equations!
Valued At:
Hot Bonus #7
The Supplement Watch Files: Vince's Personally Reviewed Nutritional's Collection
Never get scammed by the supplement mafia again! I'll tell you what to use and what to leave on the shelf for the next sucker.
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The Exclusive Unforgivable Bodybuilding Sins Audio Expose
Find out where you have been a sinner and how to stay away from the confessional stand…
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That's right. Access a database of every single question imaginable and get your answer within seconds.
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No-Nonsense Muscle Building DVD
Unlike phony marketers posing as trainers, you get to see me work up a heck of a sweat taking you through the entire program step-by-step. You won't get this with any other program anywhere.
Valued At:
Hot Bonus #12
No-Nonsense Private Member Zone
This is the crown jewel of the entire program and where you'll find all the social support you need, which is the missing ingredient to your muscle building success.
Valued At:
$197.00 a year
You're too smart to waste your money on surgery and ego-filled personal trainers who don't know my system.
You're no longer going to waste your money on powders, liquids and pills. And as for the over-hyped, over-priced competition on the web? Come on… you're smarter than that.
You're here now and that's the best thing you could have done. Because… you're not even going to pay anything close to the $1069.00 value of this program.
I am not even going to charge the $197 hard-copy version…or even the original $127 (this is actually the price that my current customers say I should raise it to!)…
By acting right now, you get my entire "Success Kit" for the introductory price of only…
$127 $77.00!!
That's $992.00 off this already amazing value! At that price, you can't afford NOT to sign up right now!
And I'm not kidding when I say this price will definitely not last forever!
Your Future Is Right Here!
FTC Legal Disclaimer: Your results may vary. All testimonials are real but are not claimed to represent typical results. Testimonials are a showcase of what the most motivated and exceptionally dedicated clients have done. Testimonial results should not be taken as average or typical results. You should not begin our programs if you have a physical condition that makes intense exercise dangerous. Consult your physician before beginning this, or any, exercise or nutrition program.


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