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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-127775472012-04-15T22:15:03.973-04:00Spiritual JourneysWritings of a Friend in college seeking to live every moment under the immediate guidance of the Spirit.Clairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-6620520742157135902007-05-23T17:07:00.001-04:002007-05-23T17:54:15.636-04:00Moving ForwardTo any Friends who still check this blog or who have stumbled upon it:

It's been about 8 months since I've posted anything at all on this blog. Since the time I started this blog and posted on it frequently I have gone through a lot and am in a very different place. I am still unsure about where I stand with the Quaker blog-o-sphere at this point, having had to distance myself from it as it (the Quaker blog-o-sphere) and my life exploded.

That said, I've decided to officially lay this blog down. I will certainly leave it up and check on it periodically, but I will not post on it any further. The good news is that I have started a new blog. I am not clear at this point about what I will post, how frequently I will post, or how much of other Quaker blogs I will read. I am clear that if I am to begin blogging again, I need a fresh start.

The new blog: That God

So, Friends, follow my blogging if you feel so led.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1150860086593631502006-06-20T23:05:00.000-04:002006-09-14T17:03:22.243-04:00Strength in WeaknessNote: I wrote this post in late June, but for some reason or another did not publish it. In reviewing my blog as it is today (basically unchanged since May) I came upon it. It is time it is published. So on this 14th of September I post my previously unpublished post from June 20th, 2006:

Sometimes I feel as though I need to be profound here on this blog, particularly after such a long blog-absence. But I will be honest with you, Friends, that I really don't have a profound, simple message to post today. Today I found myself writing in my journal about strength. In true strength there is the ability to be weak, I wrote. What exactly does this mean?

Weakness, such as feeling hurt, upset, angry, or lacking enough will-power to do something difficult, or being afraid of something, is unavoidable in life. Thus, it is not just ok to have weakness, but it is a requirement of life. Ignoring or denying, resisting or fighting something so inevitable is unhealthy. I'm not saying that all weaknesses are healthy - things such as addiction or tendency to abuse are certainly NOT acceptable - but that we must acknowledge them before we can do anything about them. We must embrace our weaknesses and love ourselves through them, with them, as they are every bit a part of us as the skin on our bodies. In embracing our weaknesses we learn to love ourselves, we learn to love others, we learn compassion. It is grace. It takes true strength to allow ourselves to be imperfect, to love wholly, both the good and not-so-good in ourselves.

Perhaps this has been stated before. Perhaps it doesn't make as much sense to you reading this as it does to me as I write. I just felt a small nudge to share.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1146607390438066702006-05-02T17:48:00.000-04:002006-05-02T18:04:09.293-04:00Oh right, I have a blogHello, dear blogging Friends,

It's been quite awhile since I've really been blogging - with what, only one post since February? This has been an unplanned, unintentional blog hiatus for me. It's likely to continue for a little while, too. I can't predict these things. I can't predict a lot of things.

A number of unpredictable, major events have occurred in my life in the last month and a half. (To think I was having a difficult semester before!) I'm not quite ready to blog about them (assuming I ever will - we'll see how I'm led) and apologize in advance for being vague, as all my energy right now is going toward staying calm, taking care of myself, and fighting through the rest of this academic semester. I have a lot to process and deal with, and am simultaneously trying to finish four difficult classes.

In the meantime, though, I want to send a message of love and hope out into the blog-o-sphere. Unimaginably difficult things can happen, and then one or two more could happen shortly thereafter, and it is still possible to get through without completely losing sight of the Light in the process. In fact, in some ways the Light is so much more strong in me right now, holding me up when begin to stumble over the fallen branches in my path.

So here I am, still going, still loving.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1143004842395612812006-03-22T00:00:00.000-05:002006-03-22T00:20:42.423-05:00Free to be LostIn the last month or two I've been dry in terms of posts. A few times I've thought about posting, perhaps with a fleeting idea of a potential post, but each time I've ended up either staring at the blank "create" screen thinking too hard about what to write, or just not even trying.

The thing is, I don't write posts for the sake of posting. I write posts because I have a message to give, or some form of ministry to share. More than once I've written an entire post, planning to publish it, but haven't felt that final, vital nudge to post - so I haven't posted. I don't even know where this post is going, but I'm going to follow it through.

I've been having a very rough semester. My classes have been more demanding than before, draining me of energy and free time. I even gave up my Saturdays to try and get things done - something I used to have a personal "policy" against. This usually leaves me feeling spiritually dry, out of touch. In the past I have felt very frustrated when spiritually unfocused, as if it's something that shouldn't happen and is bad. Isn't that natural, though? Of course being spiritually unfocused is bad - why do we strive to be in touch with God if not being in touch isn't bad?!

But you and I know that God never leaves us alone. I've known that, in my mind, for quite some time now, but what's kept me frustrated when feeling out of touch is my heart. I didn't feel God when out of touch because that's precisely what made me feel unfocused - not feeling like I felt God.

These last weeks of being spiritually unfocused, however, have been different. Something deep gave me the freedom to be unfocused. It is ok, Friend, to be lost sometimes. It is part of the spiritual process, even. So this time around, while unfocused and feeling lost, I haven't felt frustrated or guilty. Part of me is experiencing a period of patient, loving waiting. I am still connected.

A message in meeting a couple weeks ago spoke to this part of my experience. The part that struck me most was something to the effect of, "When we fall, there is God." Even when we stumble and fall down, when we are lost, unfocused, left behind, there too, is God. I feel lost, but know in my heart that I am still growing with God. I feel God even now.

This is the message I have to give after over a month of blog-silence. Even in writing we must be patient and listen, sometimes for great lengths. I thank you, Friends, for your patience with me. Things are a little rough on my end, these days.

Love and Light, as always,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1139788714195776832006-02-12T18:55:00.000-05:002006-02-13T13:09:50.886-05:00All the World TogetherWe can each listen deep, we can each strive to follow God on the deepest level we believe we are able, and sometimes even deeper. We can each have deeply transformative experiences, find our own testimonies to the world and then resign ourselves, content to think, "I am working so, so hard, doing all these good works and listening to God; I am a good person, and this is more than enough," leaving the matter at that.

But it is not enough to follow God just in our personal journeys. We are missing the deepest, most difficult calling if we stop there. We are called to suffer together. Together we must help each other build the Divine Community, and together we must enter into it. All our judgements of each other, of ourselves, big or small, all our blame, accusations, hatred, violence, toward friends and strangers alike, all of it tears at our foundation, shaking us further apart, further from God.

We cannot ignore it. We cannot remove ourselves from the crimes of our fellow humans. We are all responsible. We must all suffer together, leaving no one behind. No one in the world. This is what it means to truly love, and to truly live in the Power of the Spirit.

So look to your neighbors, friends and foes, and declare "You, too, are coming with me," for none of us will make it there alone.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1139265461391486942006-02-06T16:43:00.000-05:002006-02-06T17:37:42.310-05:00Saving the World by Coming AliveWhat is my ministry to the world?

Everyone ministers to the world in some form or another, whether implicitly or explicitly. A somewhat well-known quotation comes to mind. It's perhaps cliche, but don't get hung up on that:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Harold Whitman

All of our activism - protests, donating to charity, writing to government officials, re-building neighborhoods; all of it - is a way of tending to the world. I need to point out that such activisim is not the only way of tending to the world. Activism means nothing if it is done out of guilt or pity. True actions are sprung from the deepest call, and bring us only joy even through the hardships encountered. We act out of love and only love. When we "come alive" we are tending to the world. If such activism does not make us come alive, then we must re-examine what it is to which we are truly called, where the Spirit is leading us rather than guilt or some other outside obligation. No one should feel guilty if they are not called to drop everything and join the Peace Corps or go to a protest (or ten) or be active in a committee for some form of activism or another.

We all have different gifts, Friends, and we are meant to use them in different ways.

This is ministry to myself as much as anyone else. As a full time college student, it is easy for me to begin overthinking and feeling guilty, afraid that I am not properly tending to the world. I have a passion for chemistry - chemistry in its purist form has very little to do with peace and justice or politics. What good is it if I can prove that putting these two chemicals together under certain conditions produces some other chemical, right? Surely that can't be important in the real world. I even catch myself feeling guilty about wanting to do chemistry. If I'm not out in the field working with people who have so many hardships or rebuilding houses in broken down communities and am instead studying something about which I can be happy and excited, then I am selfish and not properly tending to the world, right?

Then, though, I remind myself that chemistry makes me come alive. Chemistry feels like a calling, one of the main directions in my life. And it's far from useless in the so-called real world. Then I remember that the research project I worked on this summer contributed to finding a faster way to diagnose a horrible autoimmune disease (Anti-Neutrophil Cytoplasmic Autoantibodies - ANCA). I remember that I'm applying to work this summer in a lab doing research about one of the biochemical causes of Type 2 Diabetes - and working toward making a better medication. There are people who are not necessarily being bombed who need help in our own back yard, and I have already worked - and am looking to continue working - to help them using the very thing that makes me come alive: chemistry. The most important message here, though, is that I first recognize and do what makes me come alive, where I am truly led, and after the fact I come up with reasoning about how it tends to the world. Truly living in the Spirit means listening first, and reasoning second.

While I cannot say that my ministry to the world is solely chemistry, I can say that part of how I minister to the world through chemistry. To take this even a step further, I minister to the world when I experience and share any form of joy (chemistry brings me joy, which I do share). I minister to the world when I am upset (ministry is not always fun). I minister to the world by being me, not who I think I should be, and by acting as I am called without feeling guilty about not saving the world in the most obvious way.

By listening to our inward callings and by being truly ourselves, we each do our part in saving the world.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1138771641190916262006-02-01T00:14:00.000-05:002006-02-01T00:27:21.223-05:00Words of Wisdom from YodaThere are days when I catch myself taking myself too seriously. I start thinking too hard and overanalyzing, and many things I start trying to do just aren't good enough. It's sort of like trying so hard you can't. A quote from Yoda comes to mind, though: "No! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." Perhaps I should quit trying to be grounded or focused, trying to listen; maybe all I need to do is let go, and just do.

Some of the times I am least centered are the times I'm trying my hardest to be.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1137476329176778162006-01-16T22:36:00.000-05:002006-01-17T00:49:52.773-05:00True Evangelism Grounded in True FaithEvangelism is a word that makes many unprogrammed Friends cringe. I find it a touchy subject within my own heart, but perhaps only because I often do not feel clear about true purpose and meaning behind the mainstream evangelism commonly found in today's society. Evangelism is often defined as the spreading of the Good News of Jesus Christ. I can almost see Friends cringing now.

If the news is Good, why is it then, Friends, that so many of us cringe? Through today's society, many of us have associated evangelism with threats, or guilt trips - "If you don't accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you will suffer unimaginably in Hell for all eternity!". Others may associate it with tricks to lure people into churches where numbers mean more than one's true spirit; such dishonesty and lack of support is damaging, and not at all what most would call "good news". All of these societal factors make me cringe, too.

Recently, though, I find myself coming at the idea of evangelism from an entirely new direction. When we truly follow with our whole lives and our whole selves the leadings of the Spirit, through any hardship, over every mountain, we are then finally spiritually alive. In having such an experience one is grounded in faith and in God, with such an awesome and incredible trust and steadiness. In living in this Center, this Power, one joins in a divine Fellowship (to borrow the terms from Thomas Kelly) with others who have reached down deeply and found such spiritual trust. In a previous post I mentioned John Woolman as an example of such a life. This proposition is one I would not have understood before beginning to experience it myself (I do not claim perfection, only the beginning of serious striving). People encounter such an experience in different ways; there are many who find this experience through Jesus Christ. In having such an experience, no matter how one came upon it, it seems only natural that one would not just outwardly want, but would feel an inwardly deep desire and need to share the true experience of faith in God, with everyone.

This deep need to spread the experience of full faith and trust in God, the Good News, arising from a deep and full trust in the Spirit, this is what I'm beginning to see as a true call to evangelism. Here, spreading the Good News is not about keeping track of how many souls are "saved" or about which church can have the largest congregation, nor is it about threatening people into believing a particular theology out of fear rather than love and trust. For through such a transforming experience, through loving God so deeply to have such faith, we come to love deeply all the world. Evangelism is about having such a deep love for others that it pains us to see them living so blindly without the deep and transforming experience of the Light, of God, or, for those who find such an experience through him, of Jesus Christ. Out of love, we want to spread the Good News, and only out of such profound love and a deep trust in God arises true evangelism.

But what is the content and aim of this yearning Love which is the Divine Love loving its way into and through us to others? It is that they too may make the great discovery, that they also may find God, or, better, be found by Him, that they may know the Eternal breaking in upon them and making their lives moving images of the Eternal Life. ... Wherever any heart has tasted of the heavenly Love, ... there is the shepherd heart yearning over sheep not having a shepherd, not knowing where are the green pastures, not even aware that there are green pastures to find.

(A Testament of Devotion, Thomas Kelly, p. 76)

In such simple and eloquent words, Thomas speaks to the condition of all who live in the Life and Power, the Divine Love. It is not about fire and brimestone raining upon all lost and sinning souls, it is not about who has the correct theology and how many people can we get to believe in it. I find beliefs in this theology or that to be wholly subjective; to me, the Life and Power is not simply a belief, it is an experience, it is real, and it goes much deeper than who is right and who is wrong. I think this is what I was trying to articulate in my previous posting about just what the Important Question is.

In unbounded eagerness we seek for more such fellowship, and wonder at the apparent lethargy of mere "members." In the Fellowship cultural and educational and national and racial differences are leveled. Unlettered men are at ease with the truly humble scholar who lives in the Life, and the scholar listens with joy and openness to the precious experiences of God's dealing with the workingman. We find men with chilly theologies but with glowing hearts. We overleap the boundaries of church membership and find Lutherans and Roman Catholics, Jews and Christians, within the Fellowship. We re-read the poets and the saints, and the Fellowship is enlarged. With urgent hunger we read the Scriptures, with no thought of pious exercise, but in order to find more friends for the soul. We brush past our historical learning in the Scriptures, to seize upon those writers who lived in the Center, in the Life and in the Power. ... And we wonder and grieve at the overwhelmingly heady preoccupation of religious people with problems, problems, unless they have first come into the Fellowship of the Light.

(Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion, p. 55-56).

I quote Thomas Kelly, a soul who by the end of his life was truly living in the Life and Power of which he speaks, because I fumble with words attempting to express an experience that is truly wordless, and Thomas often expresses that which I also find to be true in my heart, in my Center.

It is through this Center, this groundedness in the Inward Guide that we can begin to recreate the Society of Friends and the Christian church and shake the countryside for ten miles around (Holy Obedience, Thomas Kelly). The fellowship .. is founded upon a common Object, who is known by them all to be the very Life within them. This is the Reality which removes Quakerism from pure individualism and from pure subjectivism, as it is so commonly and so mistakenly interpreted (p. 76, A Testament, Thomas Kelly, again).

It is through this Center that we can be called to evangelize, in the true sense of the word, beginning with our own Religious Society of Friends in the form of ministry. Come to think of it, is ministry not a form of evangelizing? True ministry does not come from our minds, but from the depths of our hearts, from the Spirit. By speaking the words of the Spirit from the place of the Life and Power, are we not ultimately calling others to join us this very place? Oh no, we've been evanglizing all along! Perhaps now we see that it's not something to make us cringe, but something with which we find deep love and inspiration, through which we begin to live in this Life and Power as part of the glorious corporate experience of the Divine Fellowship.

Though I began my spiritual journey years ago, I have only just begun to discover what truly living in the Center can mean - and I have begun trembling slightly in writing this post. I have begun to find myself caught in a place where I want to communicate and share the deep groundedness and faith and the seedling of deep Love within me to all those around me, but do not know how to go about doing it without profound (and perhaps damaging) awkwardness. It is a subject not to be thrown around lightly. I myself am just beginning to grow in this Center, and feel a bit scattered as I try to discern what reordering my life with the Spirit located in the Center, at the top of the priority list, entails for me.

I know there are Friends who have discovered this true experience. The Seedlings are there and are planted with deep roots. It is way past time that we share the Love, the Good News, even and especially within our own faith community.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1137358277882522622006-01-15T14:10:00.000-05:002006-01-15T20:49:14.800-05:00Faith Enough to Be OutrageousFriends, I have found that I have a concern about the life and energy of our meetings for worship, and the life and energy of all members of our monthly meetings. Many a First Day these last few months I have come away feeling distraught, concerned for the inner understanding of the meeting, concerned for spiritual accountability. A couple months ago I posted a query that arose from this same concern: Do we strive for authenticity in our faithfulness as individual Friends and as a community?

My conception of faithfulness has grown much deeper since I first posted this query, though I do not discredit my then meaning. Then, I was querying about being faithful to the Inner Guide in terms of decision-making in our daily lives, and as meeting communities. Today I re-post the query with more than just decision making in mind; today I query in terms of Holy Obedience.

Thomas Kelly, in his lecture entitled Holy Obedience, (also found in his book, A Testament of Devotion) reflects the concern I have today:

Many of us [Friends] have become as mildly and as conventionally religious as were the church folk of three centuries ago, against whose mildness and mediocrity and passionlessness George Fox and his followers flung themselves with all the passion of a glorious and a new discovery and with all the energy of dedicated lives. In some, says William James, religion exists as a dull habit, in others as an acute fever. Religion as a dull habit is not that for which Christ lived and died.

The earliest Friends had such fiery passion. They did many outrageous things to spread the Quaker message; they would even interrupt sermons of other congregations, hoping to point them toward Truth. A few Friends even felt led to "go naked as a sign" - appearing unclothed in public. I'm not calling for Friends today to interrupt other congregations or practice spiritual nudity, I'm calling for a return to the same fiery passion that led these early Friends to have faith enough to be outrageous, if so called. This fiery passion was from a deep dedication to God, from a deep holy obedience to the stirrings of the Inward Guide. These Friends turned their entire lives over to the great cause of the Spirit. Again to quote Thomas Kelly, Yielding to these persuasions, gladly committing ourselves in body and soul, utterly and completely, to the Light Within, is the beginning of true life (A Testament to Devotion, pg 1). Friends, I must ask, how many of us by this standard are truly living?

John Woolman is another example of an early Friend with such inward dedication. He didn't go preaching in other people's churches, but he was deeply faithful to the Inward Teacher, reorienting his life about God such that he needed not to contradict in his daily life his leadings, his inner conscience, his dedication to the Holy Spirit. His life is a powerful testimony to what true faithfulness brings.

Also in his Holy Obedience lecture, Thomas challenges Friends to re-kindle the embers of faith:

Little groups of such utterly dedicated souls, knowing one another in Divine Fellowship, must take an irrevocable vow to live in this world yet not of this world, Franciscans of the Third Order, and if it be His will, kindle again the embers of faith in the midst of a secular world. Our meetings were meant to be such groups, but now too many of them are dulled and cooled and flooded by the secular. But within our meetings such inner bands of men and women, internally set apart, living by a vow of perpetual obedience to the Inner Voice, in the world yet not of the world, ready to go the second half, obedient as a shadow, sensitive as a shadow, selfless as a shadow—such bands of humble prophets can recreate the Society of Friends and the Christian church and shake the countryside for ten miles around.

Friends, this is no easy challenge, but we were not put on earth to have easy lives. I too am struggling with this, always trying to discern where it is and how the Spirit calls me to be. Reorienting one's life about the Spirit could have heavy implications for some, a change in vocation or location. For others it may be mostly inward, having been faithful enough to end up already where they need to be. Where we each need to be in our lives, and where we need to be as a whole community, is wholly dependent upon our leadings from the Inward Guide, the [Holy] Spirit, God.

I challenge us (myself included), to live with such faithfulness.

Love and Light,
Claire
Clairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1137289348638689672006-01-14T20:30:00.000-05:002006-01-14T20:42:28.640-05:00Blog ChangesI've recently made a few changes to my blog. The most obvious difference in my blog is the backround (or Template) - it's now all white!

I decided that I needed a change, in part to go along with my ever-changing experiences. Whether or not this change makes a difference to others, it is significant to me and my current blogging experience. It's somewhat difficult to explain why; sometimes I just need a change.

Also new: I added an extensive list (with links) of the Quaker or Quaker-related books I've read, am currently reading, have started reading (but am not currently reading), will soon read (will soon have, or already have but have not yet read), and hope to obtain in order to read (my wishlist). I came up with it mostly from memory, so after returning to my room I may add a few more that I forgot. Since it's such a long list (and will only grow), I may condense it to a post and leave a link to that post, but for now it's on the sidebar.

If anyone has comments or suggestions about the changes (or about my reading list), please, feel free.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1136941612165614902006-01-10T19:26:00.000-05:002006-01-11T14:16:39.410-05:00More on Asking the Important QuestionIn re-reading The Quakers in America (Thomas Hamm), I came across a passage (page 15) that I remember had struck me the first time I read it almost a year ago:

What is clear is that Fox and other Quakers agreed that all people had within them a certain measure o fthe Light of Christ. If they heeded it, that Inward Light would show them their sinful conditions and their need for Christ, and would lead them to salvation. But if they ignored it or failed to heed tis admonitions, they would be lost and ultimately damned. This experience was not limited to those in Christian lands. Pagans who had no knowledge of the historical Jesus could still experience the Inward Light of Christ, and, if obedient to it, could be saved without ever having heard Christian preaching or knowing the Bible. (emphasis mine)

I don't intend for this to come down to an argument about universalism, as that would address a different and less important question about details and theology.

Earlier in the chapter, Hamm comments on the striving of the earliest Friends (page 13) :

These were men and women suffering from inner torment, trying to work out for themselves, and seeking others who could help them answer, what seemed to be the most important question that anyone could ever confront: How do I know the will of God for my life?

I find that the question is not just "how do I know the will of God?", but "what is the will of God?" and "how do I follow the will of God in my life?" The first passage I quoted above is stating that this is a struggle reserved not only for Good Christians, but for all of humanity. I am not trying to discredit Christianity in particular or any one religion in general - again, that would be addressing the wrong question. There are certainly valid, Spirit-led fruits to be found in the diverse theological standpoints of the world, including Christianity.

(From page 16) Fox's argument was that the same Spirit that had inspired the writers of the Bible was still available to humans, and that past written work of that Spirit, while it should be valued, should not be placed above the Spirit itself.

The Spirit manifests itself in the well-known ministry of many contemporary and historical figures, and so I find studying such ministry (such as found in the Bible) of great importance. However, to come back to focusing on the Important Question, it is vital to keep in mind the proper direction of our seeking, and not to be led astray by replacing the inward and coorporate seeking of Truth with the ministry of others, past or present. For past written work of that Spirit, while it should be valued, should not be placed above the Spirit itself.

I feel that this goes for theology, as well. Theology, while some of it may be the work of the Spirit, should not be placed above the Spirit itself. Since theology is how we describe the ways of the Spirit, this may seem a difficult thing around which to wrap one's mind. Our ideas about the ways of the Spirit should not be placed above the Spirit itself, whether or not these ideas are the work of the Spirit. This is a strong example of the apophatic nature of Quaker spirituality; even our ideas about the nature of God must be let go in order to truly know God. It is easy to get caught up in these details and to forget to continue listening to the Inward Guide; it is easy  to get caught up looking for the answer without asking the Important Question about the will of God in our lives.

I would like to encourage Friends of all sorts, whether struggling with theology or theological differences (especially pertaining to faith language, as that is an ongoing struggle in many corners of the Society), to explore whether anything is being placed above the Spirit itself in these struggles. In these struggles, are we really asking the right question in seeking to find the answer?

Edited to add:
You will say, 'Christ saith this, and the Apostles say this'; but what canst thou say? Art thou a child of Light, and hast walked in the Light, and what thou speakest, is it inwardly from God?
-George Fox, 1652

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1136770069491544012006-01-08T19:20:00.000-05:002006-01-08T23:21:29.656-05:00What Question Leads Me to the True Fires of the Spirit?The times I feel most lost are the times when I'm asking the wrong questions.

So many get caught up in the details, the language, this set of beliefs or that - it's an easy trap to fall into. But what are these details but worldly, outward things to be caught up in? What question is being asked that leads to disputes over such things? If we are so concerned about what detail is correct or which words should or should not be used, or even who is right and who is wrong, are we really asking the right question? Instead of being caught up in these outward details, why don't we get caught up in the true Spirit?

How am I called to live?

Living the deeper question transcends the details, including the words I used to feebily communicate a deeper, wordless seeking in my heart.

I find that when I am most grounded, most centered, my life is not at all about the details. In fact details arising from questions as important as "do I consider myself Christian?", or "how do I feel about the war?" become irrelevant when I am closest to the Spirit. My faith experience is not about figuring out or defending these details, the exact answer to these questions. My faith is about listening to the Spirit, discerning and following my deepest leadings as well as I am able at every moment. It is the question behind all, it is the seeking that gives rise to all the answers to any relevent question that needs to be answered.

How am I called to live?

From a William Penn lecture delivered by Thomas Kelley, Holy Obedience:

The life that intends to be wholly obedient, wholly submissive, wholly listening, is astonishing in its completeness. Its joys are ravishing, its peace profound, its humility the deepest, its power world-shaking, its love enveloping, its simplicity that of a trusting child. It is the life and power in which the prophets and apostles lived. It is the life and power of Jesus of Nazareth, who knew that "when thine eye is single thy whole body is full of light" (Luke 11:34). It is the life and power of the apostle Paul, who resolved not to know anything among men save Jesus Christ and Him crucified. It is the life and power of Saint Francis, that little poor man of God who came nearer to reliving the life of Jesus than has any other man on earth. It is the life and power and utter obedience of John Woolman who decided, he says, "to place my whole trust in God," to "act on an innter Principle of Virture, and pursue worldly business no farther than as Truth opened my way therein." It is the life and power of myriads of unknown saints through the ages. It is the life and power of some people now in this room who smile knowingly as I speak. And it is the life and power that can break forth in this tottering Western culture and return the Church to its rightful life as a fellowship of creative, heaven-led souls.

Penn, of course, came from a Christocentric perspective, giving examples from the Christian tradition, but the meaning goes beyond those words. The life that follows the deepest callings of the Spirit has a "simplicity of a trusting child". It is not about who is right and who is wrong, for to concern one's life over such a matter is to live beside the point, lost in the wrong questions.

I mean not to discredit current inward and outward struggles. If a detail strikes me in a way that makes me bristle or uncomfortable, I try to examine what it is that makes me react to it so - often it is my outward self, distracted. I instead try to truly listen to the message behind the detail. Healthy dialogue is important, so long as we don't lose sight of the real Purpose.

When I feel lost, I need to instead ask what question leads me to a deeper Reality, what question leads me to the true fires of the Spirit?

Love and Light,
Claire

Clairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1135960998643908572005-12-30T11:29:00.000-05:002005-12-30T11:44:06.023-05:00Feelings of Disunity and Loss of Spiritual Focus are Part of FaithFriends, I have not posted much this month. In October and November of this year I found myself having an intense, more direct spiritual experience. In this experience I found I had more outward ministry to post here. This December I find that the intensity has morphed; my spiritual experiences this month have not been so direct nor so clear as they were in the previous months. Where I felt more united previously I find myself feeling more divided again, outward and inward separated once again.

This is a frustrating experience; however I find that part of my faith requires patience with myself through this. Despite feeling less connected, less one, less focused in times of worship, I can continue to keep the inward ear. I can and do continue to be patient, to listen, to wait for guidance back toward unity.

In disconnected times like these I find there can be important lessons not so easy to see when spiritually grounded. Sometimes it takes periods of lost focus, feelings of disunity, to truly honor those times when I am in more unity with my inward Light, with the Spirit. Sometimes it takes times like these so I can see the Light shown on other aspects of myself that need work. It can be humbling.

I catch myself overthinking again, as I've done in previous ungrounded times. I catch myself trying to test my ideas about God and spirituality by applying them to situations rather than comparing my experience with the spirit underlying the situations.

I need to continue to hold patience with myself, I need to continue learning, and I need not fret my current loss of focus and groundedness. I have faith that my focus, groundedness, and sense of unity will return in due time.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1135093547861173812005-12-20T10:43:00.000-05:002005-12-20T10:45:47.886-05:00BirthdayI guess I don't have anything profound to say today.

Today is my 19th birthday.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1134882658086369062005-12-17T23:53:00.000-05:002005-12-18T00:12:04.406-05:00A Need to Be More Outwardly SpiritualFriends, I have not posted in awhile. In recent weeks the amount of work for my classes has intensified as the semester has come to a close, and I am now in the midst of Finals week (1 term paper and 1 final down, two finals to go).

It is difficult to continue taking time for centeredness during the ups of my workload. It is difficult to accept this, as my faithfulness is not contingent upon the amount of time I have for it. I strive to remain faithful as my spiritual focus goes through this valley, for there must be valleys in order for there to be mountains.

On the bus back from Harvard Square this evening, I realized yet again that while I strive to base my life and actions upon my leadings and through listening [to God], those around me and many with whom I interact on a daily basis would never know. This hugely important part of me remains unrecognized to most around me. Something about that is not right.

I was speaking to a friend a few weeks ago and I found myself saying something like, "Actually, spirituality is a really important part of who I am". She replied that she never would have guessed that about me from what she knew about me.

I strive so for authenticity, and what, Friends, does this imply about my authenticity? It is not as if I go around being fake or covering up my actions or intentions, but how is it that this major part of my life goes so unrecognized? I strive to be faithful, as well as I strive to be authentic in my faithfulness. I strive to live an authentic life, as well.

I see that I have a lot to work on.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1134099158933914972005-12-08T22:26:00.000-05:002005-12-08T22:32:38.950-05:00Statement from My Home MeetingI first heard about the CPT hostage situation from the email listserv from my home meeting, Durham Friends Meeting (NCYM(C)). Through Martin's Quaker Blog Watch, I found that they put a letter in the local news paper. I feel the need to post that link here to show my own support of the statement, being a member of that meeting.

People of peace

I can't imagine holding the knowledge that there were a very real possibility today or tomorrow would be the last day of my life.

I continue to hold love for all involved, captives, captors, and all their families, for that is all I can do.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1133930514907827392005-12-06T23:28:00.000-05:002005-12-06T23:42:32.756-05:00Tom Fox and Living in the PowerI don't really have much to say today, but I feel the need to post something regarding Tom Fox.

His actions and faithfulness strike a deep chord within me. It is this kind of faithfulness to which we are all called, though we are all led in different directions.

It seems that part of Tom's message is that we are not to plead with the captors, not to be angry with them, but to love them.

From a recent article in the Washington Post: Don't pay ransom for his return, he wrote in an October 2004 e-mail, and reject the use of violence in trying to win his freedom. Don't "vilify" the abductors, he said, but instead "try to understand the motives of their actions."

Peace is not possible without such unconditional love, without such Grace. Uncontrolled anger and hate lead to objectification, one no longer sees the other as human and can then find it easier to kill the other. When one sees another as truly human, I believe it's nearly impossible to do them such harm.

Peace is not about whether one is pro-war or anti-war, it's more about being faithful. It's about living in the Power that takes away the occassion for all war. By being deeply faithful and following his leading to be a CPT in Iraq, Tom has been putting this into practice; he has been living in that Power.

We are all called to live in that Power.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1133130788126791232005-11-27T16:25:00.000-05:002005-11-27T17:33:08.186-05:00Faithfulness Through a Drop in Spiritual IntensityThough I have had recently a very intense experience with the Spirit, I am finding that in recent days the intensity of my experience has dropped significantly. Intuitively, it seems it would be difficult to understand this drop in intensity; am I less spiritually focused? Am I being less faithful? These are tough questions. However, I find I am learning how I can be faithful even when my experience is less intense.

Some days, the Spirit has me by the hand (or rather, by the heart) and is guiding me as I try to follow as faithfully as I can. Other days it is more like the Spirit is piggybacking on me; with me, close, but not in the forefront, providing nudgings or pointing every now and then, letting me go more on my own (but not alone!). This, too, requires much faith, as it is easy to feel afraid that I have lost touch or focus, when really the Spirit is right here with me providing guidance, even if not right infront of me. This reminds me of another example Lloyd Lee Wilson gave:

My favorite example of this comes from a gathering of ministers in Ohio that I atended about a decade ago. In the course of the various discussions, some farmers in the group began to describe their practice of settling into the silence each morning, to be guided about what they should do and where they should go that day. Sometimes they felt no more than an affirmation of the tasks human reason would have recommended, but sometimes they received unexpected direction. (emphasis mine)

Living faithfully according to where one is lead every moment of the day does not necessarily mean that one feels a distinct leading on each and every option and decision that comes up. Sometimes human reason (though secondary) is quite appropriate and good. What is important is that one is attentive and open to the leadings that do arise.

I am learning to be in constant conversation with God, checking in inwardly frequently. I find that my experience of this conversation is not quite that of an exchange of words. In fact, a few weeks ago I was speaking with a friend about my experience of worship as listening, and she said something along the lines of how listening is really a difficult thing to do, that she tends to talk a lot more [to God]. I then realized that I really don't do a lot of "talking to God". I don't really ask much, and my experience of prayer is that of a listening and an attentiveness. Perhaps, though, a little bit of talking may not be such a bad idea. We shall see, we shall see.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1132612944437568352005-11-21T16:47:00.000-05:002005-11-21T17:43:13.946-05:00A Shared ExperienceIn a keynote address to Southern Appalachian Yearly Meeting Association (SAYMA) in 2003 (which happens to be entitled Wrestling with Our Faith Tradition and is probably included in the recently published book with that title, but is in fact a piece of writing on its own), Lloyd Lee Wilson speaks of apophatic spirituality. He describes apophatic spirituality as the spirituality of subtraction, where one finds God by subtracting from one's life everything that is not God.

I first heard of this kind of spirituality a few months ago, and I remember thinking that it was an odd way of going about things that must be overwhelming, and clearly, was not right for me. Now, in reading the words Lloyd spoke, I realize it is exactly what I have come to do this last month and a half or so.

In a previous post of mine, I spoke of letting go; by "letting go", I do not necessarily mean that, for instance, by letting go of my belief in God that I no longer believe. I mean that I must pull the rug out from underneath this belief and discover my true experience - minus the padding of reason. I was speaking of removing reason from any primary source of my faith, and though I did not consciously articulate it, I removed reason in this way because I found that though reason is important, it is not God, so it is thus secondary. In Lloyd's address I found these words which speak to my condition:

Our primary path to understanding is a direct, unfiltered and unmediated relationship with the risen Christ who is here with each of us and with all of us in community. Of course, we do value Scriptures and the accumlated wisdom of our yearly meetings and the rational thought process that help us understand the consequences of our actions - it is simply that all these are of secondary value in the Quaker tradition.

It is the experienced reality of the inward encounter with the Divine that is the foundation stone and bulding block for everything else.

It was at this point that I could not read any further without a pencil for underlining things, it struck me so. Earlier today I was speaking to a good friend of mine about it and discovered that I was speaking with more animation than I usually speak; I realized that this was more exciting to me than I initially acknowledged.

When I spoke of my experience before (in a previous post), I knew, I knew I was not the only one to have gone through something like that, but had reached a point where I needed to take a break from reading some of the Quaker books I'm not yet through with, as I continued to get tripped up on words telling me how such an experience should be, or will be, or how all these people experienced it; I needed to have my own, authentic experience without such words to twist me around.

In the last week, though I feel as though my experience has been less intense and less the forefront of my consciousness, I have found myself able to find my own experience in the writings of others - something I had not entirely expected. Reading the words of Lloyd Lee Wilson in this address from two years ago has stricken me, as I feel like a large centrality of my experience has been articulated, and I continue to find more and more places where this experience is articulated. I find myself unconcerned with the language used - whether one speaks of Christ risen, or doesn't mention Christ or God at all is of no importance to me. It is instead the deeper, transcendent meaning that I hear when I read these parallel experiences.

I mentioned that my experience has felt less intense this week, which initially seems like a cause for concern to me; "Did I completely lose touch, just like that? Is my experience over and forgotten already?". It was quickly apparent to me that it was indeed, not at all over or gone. More words from Lloyd speak to me:

[The dialogue] may wax and wane, but seasoned Friends over the centuries have reported that God's presence is an ongoing personal conversation, not the intermittent and infrequent reception of a general broadcast. It is as if whenever we stop to listen, we discover that God is already speaking with us. (emphasis mine)

Yes. Yes, I feel this deeply. I tested my experience this past week, and this is the best articulation of what I found.

In another recent post I spoke of nudgings, and of how I've begun to listen for God in all aspects of my life; My life is about being attentive and faithful to where I am called. My life is happening all the time. Then I read yet another line from Lloyd's address which rang true:

As Carole Treadway of the School of the Spirit reports, an apt description of a Conservative Friend is one who seeks to live every moment under the immediate guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Though I am, indeed, a member of a Conservative monthly meeting, it is not this label with which I am concerned. The part of this that strikes me is the description of a Friend who seeks to live every moment under the immediate guidance of the Holy Spirit. Every moment.

It is a joy to discover and lift up these words, this shared experience. Through shared experiences, both similar to, and different from our own, we grow in the Light.

Love and Light,
Claire
Clairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1132120458193627192005-11-16T12:39:00.000-05:002005-11-16T13:37:05.200-05:00A United Religious Society of Friends
I can't help but begin to bring together many posts (or at least pieces of them) I've seen in the last few days. They may use very different words and different examples, but I feel a strong sense that they all speak of the same thing. (If any of the Friends I quote or summarize below feel that I interpreted incorrectly or wish not to be included in such a post, please let me know and I will modify this post to accommodate.) Though I lift up certain pieces of a number of posts, I do highly recommend reading each one in their entirety.

Shortly before or after I made my last post, Amanda also posted in response to a question a commenter had asked in a previous post of hers about what the non-negotiable central tenets common to all Quakers are (if there are any). In her post, Amanda quoted Friend James Healton who said that (among other things), there is a powerful unity and purpose underlying all the elements that go together to make the basic contours of Quaker theology and practice.

Amanda says also, We believe that not only is God here, but that there is that of God in each person, which makes them Holy, and Precious and Sacred, which can lead them into the fullness of expression of Divine Love. If we believe that God is in others, we can do them no harm. If we believe that God is in ourselves, we must discipline ourselves to be faithful to his Inward leading and teaching. (Emphasis mine)

In a comment to this post, Lorcan said, I would add to thy excellent start, that to be a Quaker is to be constantly learning to empty thyself and invite God to fill thee.

In a different blog, AJ Schwanz spoke of being wary of doing things out of fear rather than love. Many times choices in ministry are made out of fear rather than a God-placed compassion, she said. Also a line from her post which was also lifted up in the comments to it: Just because it's a good thing doesn't mean that I'm called to do it. We must listen for God.

Over on the Quaker Renewal Forum there's a post entitled A Foundation of Listening and Hearing - very much appropriate here. In it there's a paragraph which very much speaks to me and part of what I'm trying to tie together here:

For us as individuals and meetings, we find the solid ground when we become people th[at] are a listening people. Not only that, we are willing to put into practice what we hear. Since this little comparison by Jesus follows on the heels of the Sermon on the Mount, I find that a solid ground life is built when we listen to the words of Jesus as found in that Sermon and are willing to put them into practice. In other words, we listen to God's heart and God's dream and put into practice what we hear. We live out Kingdom values. We live out the values of God's dream. We live out the presence of Christ in our life. (emphasis mine again)

In my last post I spoke of being asked the question, "What is the essence of Quakerism?" Instead of going into an extended explanation about how everyone practices differently depending on the branch, or how it depends on who you are, I gave the brief disclaimer that, well, though everyone would describe it differently, in my experience the essence of Quakerism is about being attentive and faithful to where one is lead or called in life. (Goodness, I just quoted myself.)

What is the foundation upon which we build our spiritual homes? What is the "essence of Quakerism" [if there is one]? What are the "non-negotiable central tenets common to all Quakers" [if there are any]? Personally, I feel that there is an "essence" of Quakerism, or something like a "central tenet", or in the words of James Healton as quoted above, a powerful unity and purpose underlying all the elements that go together to make the basic contours of Quaker theology and practice. If we don't, then what exactly holds all of us together as a Religious Society of Friends? How do we live our lives as individuals and communities of Friends?

I have a growing sense that we all know what this powerful unity and purpose is, though we all use different words, practice it differently, and tend to get caught up in different sets of details. This may seem a little redundant, but I feel the need to lift these pieces up once again:

If we believe that God is in ourselves, we must discipline ourselves to be faithful to his Inward leading and teaching. (Amanda)

to be a Quaker is to be constantly learning to empty thyself and invite God to fill thee. (Lorcan's comment on Amanda's post)

Many times choices in ministry are made out of fear rather than a God-placed compassion. (AJ Schwanz) We must be careful to listen for God.

We live out the presence of Christ in our life. (Quaker Renewal Forum)

in my experience the essence of Quakerism is about being attentive and faithful to where one is lead or called in life. (there I go quoting myself again)

These voices I've quoted and summarized have spoken of what I sense to be the heart of Quakerism. These speakers are of multiple "branches" of Quakerism and use different language and have different ways of practicing or worshipping, but all are part of the whole Religious Society of Friends. In speaking with other Friends, in experiencing the most recent Central Committee meeting of Friends General Conference (FGC) (Central Committee is "the governing body of FGC"), in reading these blogs, and in my own heart I sense a growing movement to build bridges among these "branches", that we might come together as a single tree of Friends with deep and mutual roots.

A post by Robin a few weeks ago also spoke to this movement in a post entitled Quaker History as a Uniting Force. Here, Robin spoke of a movement that seems to be arising in [at least] a few branches of Quakerism, that we all need to learn more about each other, respect each other (or if we're like Aretha Frankin (as Robin put it), R-E-S-P-E-C-T each other). Robin said, No more secretly believing that *we* are the only true heirs of Quakerism, just because we practice more silence than they do or because we proclaim Christ as king more loudly than they do.

We will have to travel and meet each other more.

- and indeed, if we are faithful, we will.

Love and Light,
Claire
Clairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1131911623390763732005-11-13T14:06:00.000-05:002005-11-13T14:53:43.426-05:00Authentic FaithfulnessA couple months ago I asked Friends how they describe Quakerism to non-Friends who ask about it ("What's Quakerism?"). I described how my description of Quakerism began to feel like a "textbook" explanation - here are the apparent main current branches, here's some history, here's a typical meeting for worship and what it's founded on.. ect. I'm finding that the way I describe Quakerism is a bit of an indication to myself about where I am in my spirituality.

Today as I was waiting for the bus back to Wellesley from Cambridge after Meeting for Worship, I was chatting with a friend on her way back from a Catholic service - she asked me about Quakerism. After describing an unprogrammed Meeting for Worship and a little bit about the branches, I was asked basically, "What is the essence of Quakerism?" Instead of going into an extended explanation about how everyone practices differently depending on the branch, or how it depends on who you are, I gave the brief disclaimer that, well, though everyone would describe it differently, in my experience the essence of Quakerism is about being attentive and faithful to where one is lead or called in life.

As I contemplated this on the bus, I realized very clearly that I am in a place where my life is about this essence of Quakerism that I described; my life right now is about being attentive and faithful to where I am called. My life is about being attentive and faithful not just for an hour on Sunday mornings, not just at gatherings, meetings for business, or committee meetings, but as much of every minute of every day that I can possibly be. I did not reach this point because it seems unreasonable to be grounded just for an hour once a week, but because I feel it at my core, because I am reaching a place were I'm open to the slightest nudgings about small actions here or there in my life; should I go upstairs and speak with a friend about something important right now or should I wait? Do I need to step outside and listen right now or am I ok? Do I need to make a phone call to a Friend today? Do I want to apply to be an RA? A chemistry tutor? Do I need to post on this blog about this concern or that experience? These are all things that it seems most people - and I used to - decide by using reason or some other surface indication. I find I am now more sensitive to small nudgings one way or another, or sometimes even stronger feelings, about these seemingly "unspiritual" decisions. As I've mentioned before, though, I don't believe in the divide between secular and spiritual.

My life is about being attentive and faithful to where I am called. My life is happening all the time.

I left Meeting for Worship this morning feeling distraught. I felt a deep sense of concern about the attentiveness of other Friends to this inward leading, to the still, small voice we all talk about so much. Are people Friends because they are called to be, or because they like the idea of it and it seems to make sense? Who am I to judge? This is a question I've had to ask myself, as well. Even so, I couldn't help but feeling upset and unclear about this question for many in the Religious Society of Friends.

Do we strive for authenticity in our faithfulness as individual Friends and as a community? Do we do things as individuals and as whole communities of Friends because we are led to from a deeper, inward place, or are we doing things because they are the "Quakerly" thing to do? How do we hold each other accountable without coming from a place of judgement, but from a place of sincere concern and discernment - a place of faithfulness?

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1131650035089533592005-11-10T13:39:00.000-05:002005-11-10T14:13:55.466-05:00The Challenge of Letting GoIn my last post I spoke of being in tune with the spirit and discarding excess "spiritual junk". Part of this process, I'm finding, is learning to let go of absolutely everything, including all prior held beliefs about the Divine. This thought almost feels like a punch in the stomach, but I'm finding more and more each day that this is the beginning of a life-long experience of living Truth.

Reasoning and intellectual interpretation are no longer adequate enough reasons for me to put faith in a belief. Even beliefs that seem to be based in experience such as my thought that of course I believe in God - look at all this love around me, everywhere, and these amazing experiences! What else, but God, could allow us to have these experiences? Ultimately, reason is what backs that up. I cannot believe until I feel it at my very core - reason tossed aside, initially unimportant.

I must listen, I must experience. (Sounds familiar, doesn't it?)

Throwing reason out the window along with every belief I seem to have come to through it (which would be more beliefs than one might think!) is an incredible challenge which needs constant attention. I must even catch myself and stop from trying to feel one thing or another because it seems like I should. My interpretation of what I "should" do or "should" feel goes back to reason or interpretation. The only things I really should do are the ones that call me from a place where reason does not apply. I even had to loosen my grip on my belief in God, I had to let it go. This is truly starting anew, from scratch.

I must add here that by "letting go", I do not necessarily mean that, for instance, by letting go of my belief in God that I no longer believe. I mean that I must pull the rug out from underneath this belief and discover my true experience - minus the padding of reason.

I find myself questioning my life as it is right now. I go to a very good college, I have many luxuries; in looking at myself from this deeper place, my life is cluttered. So I should drop everything, sell all my possessions and go live in a shack in the woods, right? No, no. Here's that "should" of mine. I do not feel the call to drop everything. I cannot discredit the passion I feel for what I'm pursuing, the call to the direction in which I'm currently headed. I cannot decide that I "should" feel called to do one thing because it seems like the "spiritual" thing to do. I must listen and wait. I must call faith up from the deepest place, with no reason at all to do so other than a feeling that I must - and questioning, even that, so that I may discard any reason involved. I am very much a scientific thinker, which makes this process much more challenging for me, but also much more powerful.

There is a shift occurring within me. My inward and outward experiences are beginning to converge, my spiritual and intellectual experiences are moving toward a greater overlap. I am beginning to stop living a divided life, as Parker Palmer would call it.

I am struggling through, I am tackling doubts faithfully (as I can), I'm paying even more attention to that still, small voice within me. I am suddenly much more inwardly sensitive to my emotions; I feel my emotions with my spirit, with my core. The surface of my outward experience is sinking down, down to this deep and challenging place.

I find myself glad to be in a physical environment that challenges me further in all of this. It keeps me from being too comfortable. It helps me grow even more, stronger.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1131252633893883522005-11-05T23:15:00.000-05:002005-11-05T23:50:33.916-05:00In tune with the SpiritIn the last couple of weeks I have stripped away a lot of what I guess I could call "spiritual junk". I have come to a place where my concept of God is not tangible; I have no image or metaphor, no logic or reasoning - all of my attempts to define God tangibly only distracted me from the true Spirit, so I've stripped all my tangible ideas away. I cannot describe it right now, only experience - but my experience with God right now feels much stronger than it's been in the past. I feel in tune, always with an inner ear, attentive to nudgings.

I have been open to nudgings to stop what I'm doing to go and listen for awhile, or perhaps you could call it worship (in the same sense as Meeting for Worship). Several times this week I have taken a break from homework - or whatever I was doing - to just go sit by the lake or step outside for a bit, having the understanding that that's what I needed to do right then and whatever I was doing could wait.

As I go through my daily activities I sense an inward focus, an inward open listening. Fitting this renewed and intense spiritual experience into my life - into my academic life as a full time student - is challenging. Having a continuing spiritual experience is a challenge to reconcile with many, many others around me who are not necessarily having any sort of spiritual experience, or are having a very different spiritual experienc than I. It's a challenge to have any sort of spiritual experience and not know how to express that to those around me.

As I sense this inward focus and listening, I also sense and inward struggle. I'm lovingly wrestling with God, I am inwardly tender. I am being attentive to where I am right now, rather than trying to form or push myself toward some goal. This is where I need to be right now, and right now that's ok. No need to distract myself by trying to figure out where I will ultimately be led, only where I am led right now.

This is my current experience, as best as I can describe it, though words often fail for me when trying to describe these things.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1130893872217160102005-11-01T19:40:00.000-05:002005-11-01T20:11:12.386-05:00Being Broken OpenMy heart is broken open by love. As I struggle to keep sight of my center and ground in my daily life, trying to be gentle with myself as I encounter bumps or road blocks in my path, I often think of those in whom I have found great support. I have recently found myself without words to describe the deep passion and love of so many people and Friends I've encountered so far in my life. I encountered a number of these Friends at Central Committee this past weekend, finding myself supported by them, but also, equally if not more importantly, some of them found support in me. These passionate and deeply loving Friends break my heart; they break it open. This passion and love for the world, for God, for their work and the work of everyone, this is the Spirit manifested. This is my experience of God.

After a couple months of what felt a little like spiritual limbo as I made the transition to college, I feel now that my spirituality has returned full force and intensified. I'm still learning how and struggling to find its balance in my daily life, to discover how to remain spiritually grounded and focused as I interact with others, as I go to class, lab, or study groups, or do homework. I suspect that this is an on-going dilemma for many others, as well.

I must carry on and be tender with where I am, being careful to nurture myself in the place that I am, and I must always remember the passion and love that breaks my heart open.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-12777547.post-1130720338376018752005-10-31T02:02:00.000-05:002005-10-31T02:02:45.540-05:00FGC Central CommitteeAffirmed. I come away from FGC Central Committee feeling most strongly affirmed. Coming together in the Spirit with Friends from every FGC-affiliated yearly meeting, fellowship, and directly affiliated meetings as the "governing body of Friends General Conference" was a very important experience for me (though technically I was not a member of Central Committee this time around but am now for a different reason than the one for which I was present this year.. but let's not get into technicalities right now). Being present among many of the Friends who have been doing so much positive work both within the Religious Society of Friends and without and experiencing some of the passion of these Friends was inspiring and incredible to be around.

It's difficult to describe my experience, which makes it difficult to write about. Having recently joined the Publications and Distribution Committee of FGC - which does work with publications and with Quaker Books of FGC and such; it's a Program committee - this was my first opportunity to meet other committee members in person and begin to get a better feel for the work of the committee. With plenty of [shameless] promoting of Whispers of Faith during Central Committee, those Friends who did not already know me began to recognize my name and who I was - something I have not necessarily experienced among Friends, but it was very affirming for me. Feeling connected to and active among the wider body of FGC Friends is incredibly grounding for me, as is seeing Friends with whom I share a deeper connection. Quaker Process, too, was certainly central to my experience these last few days - even after four days of intense Quaker Process among mostly adult Friends (rather than among high school Friends, as most of my previous experiences have been), I do still love it. I love it even more, even. I walked away from Central Committee - or rather, rode in a car, a plane, a bus, a subway, and another bus away from Central Committee - feeling connected, valued, affirmed, and loved on a level deeper than one might usually find out in the "real" world. Though that love does continue even after I take of my name tag and dive back into the "real" world.

I hugged my way into the room where the Plenaries occurred on Thursday night after arriving late, and then hugged my way back out this morning as I left a little early. It was in hugging my way out that the feeling of affirmation and love really hit home for me, and that feeling stuck with me rather strongly during my entire trek back to campus, and lasted almost overwhelmingly until I finally hankered down and did my German homework - and homework is usually quite distracting from the Spirit.

I learned a number of things this weekend, one of which stands out quite distinctly and importantly for me. Central Committee this year approved the formation of a new Program Committee: the Youth Ministries Committee. Being already on Publications and Distribution, I am unable to join this new and exciting committee for the time being, but that aside, I had to reconcile with myself where I stood with Youth Ministries, as it has been a passion of mine in the past couple years. I was soon clear that I needed to learn to put faith into a committee for an issue about which I am passionate, to let go and trust that this committee is just as passionate if not more passionate about Youth Ministries as I am, and that my gifts are needed elsewhere at this time. Feeling that youth ministries is such a deeply important issue makes letting go of my need to be on the Youth Ministries Committee a bit more of an issue, but right now I see it as a situation where I love it so much I have to let it go; this is not where I am led right now. Instead, I currently remain on the Publications and Distribution Committee as one of the youngest members, doing the work of Youth Ministries by creating a more intergenerational environment within this particular committee, setting an example, and working faithfully where my gifts are needed, regardless of my age. I do hope to be as involved as is possible, appropriate, needed, and feasible with Youth Ministries projects as they develop.

I was deeply touched by the passionate presentation of the work of the Ad Hoc Youth Ministries Discernment Committee by the clerk of this committee, Robin Greenler - this was the committee created last year to discern issues and concerns surrounding youth ministries among Friends. She spoke clearly and with much energy of the concerns and experiences of young(er) Friends, and of the work of the Committee; so much that I have experienced/have been experiencing was articulated passionately by Robin during this report, and it touched me deeply. I have so much faith in the formation of this committee, as complicated as forming a new FGC Program committee as such is looking right now, and I'm so thrilled.

Feeling more grounded in the Spirit, more grounded in a wider Quaker community, and excited about the work in which I am now involved, and with the affirming love of incredible and dedicated Friends, I can continue in my collegiate life holding all of this in my heart.

I'm not sure if I managed to capture the way I feel right now and where that feeling came from with this post, and I certainly did not describe all that happened at Central Committee this year, but I needed to articulate something here. More later on this, perhaps.

Love and Light,
ClaireClairehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com


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Leica furthers its Pocket Book publications with the introduction of the 8th Edition; a collection of Leica Cameras and Lenses since the previous 7th Edition. In addition to cataloging the recent additions since the 7th edition as well as the new S2 Medium Format System, the new installment also comprehensively incorporates all the information from its predecessor versions. The well-rounded book also highlights other compact cameras that were produced by other manufacturers on behalf of Leica as a means of affording the reader with a full-scale glimpse into the Leica lineage.
Source: Leica Rumors

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Competing against 15 other Kentucky high school JROTC Raider Teams, the Grant County High School varsity JROTC accumulated more total competition points than any other high school JROTC Unit, and finished first place at the Southern Magnet High School Academy JROTC Raider Competition in Louisville on Sept. 10.
Each High School JROTC Unit was allowed to enter two Raider teams each. The 30 teams consisted of 12 cadets on each team, with approximately 360 cadet team members participating in the competition.
Logan Marie Hollen, 5, won Overall Novice Champion Showman, showing her sheep at the 2010 Kentucky State Fair.
Hollen won in the 5 to 8-year-old category competing against 66 other children. She is a member of the Grant County Extension Clover Buds.
She is the daughter of Kurt and Donna Hollen of Crittenden.
Williamstown Kiwanis - Noon Wednesdays, El Jalisco Mexican Restaurant, Williamstown.
Northern Kentucky Field and Forest Club - 5 to 11 p.m. Saturdays, Lloyd's Wildlife Management Area, Crittenden. Cost for practice targets is $3 for 25 for youth or $3.50 for adults. All trap shooters of any age are invited. Call John Mullins at 823-0421 for more information.
Grant County Saddle Club - 7 p.m. Sept. 23, Grant County Extension Office on Baton Rouge Road in Williamstown. Contact Mark Nicewonder at 859-912-3975.
For a young Grant County girl, the experience of playing on the Kentucky Olympic Development Program this summer was something she would never forget.
"It was an honor to know that you are one of the top girls in the state," said Bethany Lawrence, 13, of Dry Ridge.
According to the Kentucky ODP site, it is a national program that identifies and develops youth players in their state, region, and country in soccer competitions.
The process of getting onto the team was a drawn out one.
Friday, Sept. 17, begins the national celebration of Constitution Week. The week-long commemoration of America's most important document is one of our country's least known official observances. Our Constitution stands as a testament to the tenacity of Americans throughout history to maintain their liberties and freedom, and to ensure those unalienable rights to every American.
It was an easy game to forget for the Grant County boys' soccer team as they lost to Campbell County 7-0, Sept. 4 at Grant County Middle School.
"I was not expecting this," said coach Clay Mattingly.
Within the first 20 minutes of the game, the Camels had scored five goals and had a commanding lead that did not falter.
The Grant County Lady Braves soccer team has had a lot of injuries lately that have caused major challenges for coach Melinda White.
On Aug. 30, the Lady Braves were dealt a blow in the Walton-Verona game, losing senior Renee Neltner to a torn ligament injury.
At that point in the game, the Lady Braves had a 2-1 lead in the game over the Lady Bearcats.
According to White, the team had received an injury timeout to carry Neltner off the field.
Grant County put their loss to Owen County quickly behind them, defeating Walton-Verona 22-6, Sept. 3 on an unusually cool summer evening.
After throwing an interception, the Bearcats scored a first quarter touchdown, failing the extra point but managing to take a 6-0 lead.
"The offense kind of put us in the hole early," said coach Mike Davis. "Nathan Davis throws an early pick and Walton-Verona starts with a short field and it's 6-0."
Eight students from Grant County have been named Sen. Jeff Green Scholars. Students earn this designation by achieving a 4.0 grade point average all four years of high school and scoring at least a 28 composite on the ACT.
As Sen. Jeff Green Scholars, these students are eligible for $2,500 a year in Kentucky Educational Excellence Scholarship (KEES) awards. Students may earn up to $10,000 toward their higher education expenses if they continue high scholastic achievement in college.
Each semester at college, most students spend their time attending early morning classes, planning fraternity and sorority functions or worrying about exams, but Haleigh Jacobs had a different experience.
Jacobs spent her spring semester with Congressman Geoff Davis as an intern in Washington D.C.
Jacobs, 21, a Williamstown High School graduate, worked with Davis in Washington from January to May of 2010.
"I worked with him (Davis) previously in his district office and I was surprised and excited to get the Washington D.C. internship," Jacobs said.
Copyright © 2017
The Grant County News is your source for local news, sports, events, and information in Dry Ridge, KY and the surrounding area.


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Natalie Gulbis
Natalie Gulbis first became a golfer to watch when, at 14, she became the youngest to qualify for an LPGA tournament. By age 18, she was already a professional, winning over just as many fans with her sex appeal as with her swing.
AppealNatalie Gulbis may not consider herself a sex symbol, but she's easily one of the sexiest female golfers around. She put out her own racy calendars in 2004 and 2005, and posed in a bikini for FHM. As far as Natalie Gulbis is concerned, her physical appeal is all part of building a fan base for the sport. "Whatever brings fans out to watch is great," she explains.
Natalie Gulbis isn't currently seeing anyone, but she has some firm ideas about what she's looking for in a man. She's attracted to anyone who is passionate about what he does. It needn't be golf, but it would help, as she has more in common with athletes. "If he has a long drive and he's good looking," admits Natalie Gulbis, "that would turn me on."
SuccessNatalie Gulbis has been able to make a very good living playing golf all day -- we don't know how other people measure success, but that sounds impressive to us. She started at 4 and won the California State Women's Amateur at only 14. A few years later, she made it to the LPGA, and has been playing professionally since 2001.
While not readily known to the broader public, Natalie Gulbis has long been marked as an up-and-comer by LPGA fans. In fact, following interviews on ESPN and in Sports Illustrated, and photo shoots in men's mags like FHM, Natalie Gulbis (with the help of a business manager and two agents) is enjoying fame that is disproportionate to her standings in the LPGA. However, her 2007 LPGA win will definitely help bring up her professional success rankings.
Natalie Gulbis BiographyNatalie Anne Gulbis was born on January 7, 1983, in Sacramento, California. Natalie's father John worked for the Sacramento County Probation Department, while her mother Barbara continues to act as purchasing director for a Sacramento medical laboratory. Natalie first hit the links at age 4, when her father began to teach her to play golf. She soon fell in love with the sport. At 7, she won her first tournament, and by 10, young Natalie was already breaking par.
In 1996, 13-year-old Natalie Gulbis finished in second place in the California State Women's Amateur tournament. The top spot went to another future LPGA player, Dorothy Delasin. The following year, however, Natalie Gulbis came back to win the tournament. That same year, she became the youngest player to ever qualify for an LPGA event, playing in the Long Drugs Challenge. Natalie held this record until 2002, when 12-year-old Michelle Wie made fresh claim to it.
natalie gulbis the all-americanNatalie Gulbis continued developing her golf game at Granite Bay High School, where she played on the boys team. Despite the fact that she was also committed to gymnastics and diving, Natalie still excelled academically, and graduated early, at age 16.
On the strength of her high school scores, Natalie Gulbis was given a scholarship to Arizona State University in 1999. At that time, Arizona's golf team was the defending NCAA champs. In her freshman year, Natalie Gulbis won three tournaments and was recognized with All-American honors. The next summer, she qualified for the U.S. Women's Open, was ranked 34th among amateurs, and then was named MVP at the USA-Japan Collegiate Golf Championship. On the strength of these achievements, Natalie Gulbis made the decision to turn pro.
natalie gulbis joins the lpgaNatalie Gulbis went to the LPGA Qualifying Tournament (aka "Q-School") in the fall of 2000, and earned a spot on the tour on her first attempt. In 2001, Natalie Gulbis moved to Las Vegas, Nevada. Her reason for doing so was initially strictly for tax purposes, but she soon grew to love her new home on Lake Las Vegas, about 30 minutes from the strip. Another advantage to her new location was its proximity to the Butch Harmon School of Golf, where she could take daily instruction from the same man who tutors golf heavyweights like Tiger Woods and Adam Scott.
In 2002, Natalie Gulbis tied for fifth at the ShopRite LPGA Classic and for fourth at the Giant Eagle LPGA Classic. These two performances propelled her into second place in the Rookie of the Year points standings. The following year, Natalie tied for 12th at the Chick-fil-A Charity Championship and scored a career-low 63 in the third round of the Welch's/Fry's Championship. In 2004, Natalie Gulbis finished in the Top 15 in five tournaments and carded her first LPGA career hole in one in the final round of the Safeway Classic.
natalie gulbis' calendarIn 2005, Natalie Gulbis released her second calendar. The first edition in 2004 was deemed "too provocative" by the USGA, who canceled Natalie's signings, but it still proved to be a very successful enterprise. Natalie Gulbis has also played on many charity and Pro-Am events, where she has teed off against such celebrity athletes as Roy Jones Jr., Michael Jordan and Barry Bonds.
natalie gulbis wins lpga tourNatalie Gulbis earned her first professional win in 2007 at the LPGA Evian Masters, bringing her total earnings to $3 million.
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Film guide praises southern NZ
New Zealand has been listed amongst the top 10 film-shoot locations for next year but Queenstown gets the biggest mention in global film handbook P3's list of production hotspots.
The freshly released 2013 guide lists well-trod United States locations such as New York, Utah, North Carolina and California, along with only a handful of non-US locations.
These include Abu Dhabi, London, Canada's British Columbia and New Zealand.
In the New Zealand listing, Auckland and Wellington are briefly mentioned but the real rave, and the bulk of the article's space, is saved for the southern South Island in general, and Queenstown and the Wakatipu in particular.
''Southern New Zealand is the epitome of film friendly while offering pristine alpine landscapes, stunning year round glaciers, majestic fiords and rocky crags as well as waterfalls, rivers, beaches, farms, vineyards and historic towns,'' the guide says.
''Film Otago Southland has a long history of handling large-scale international TV commercials and feature films, and over the last three decades has grown into a world class production location with fantastic infrastructure.''
Winter shoots were easy because of easily accessed, relatively low-altitude mountains, which meant ''crew members were not afflicted with altitude issues.''
Queenstown's extensive crew and equipment specialists were also praised as comprehensive and being able to provide everything from all-terrain catering vehicles to specialised gyro-stabilised helicopter camera mounts.
''All services are locally based, removing any time and cost issues.''
Film Otago Southland executive manager, Queenstown-based Kevin ''KJ'' Jennings said the prestigious guidebook listing was the result of many long-term relationships, and constant work in raising New Zealand's international film profile.
''While P3 staff were here, I took them to the final of the Rugby World Cup at Harry's Pool Bar (in Queenstown) and they still say its one of the most memorable nights of their lives," Mr Jennings said.
"It's very gratifying that the visit has resulted in a listing that contains such high praise for our region, but this is a nationally significant listing which showcases the entire kiwi film industry.''
A recent example of the southern region's filming versatility is a TV commercial launching the Go-Pro Hero3 camera shot in and around Queenstown, as well as other locations, through Queenstown based production company MAP Productions.
The clip has already had almost 11.5 million YouTube views (scroll down to view video).
MAP Productions New Zealand line producer Pip Gillings said many breathtaking and varied locations were within easy reach and local crew members from helicopter pilots to safety experts were world leaders in their fields.
Click here to watch the Go-Pro Hero3 camera launch shot in and around Queenstown, New Zealand, Tonga, Tahiti and San Francisco, and a selection of foreign TV commercials recently shot in Queenstown and Central Otago.
Click here to read the ''Exploring New Zealand's Southland'' blog by global film handbook P3's Photo Editor.
The Southland Times


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It was great to see two Miloco-made records reach the top of the single and album charts over the last few weeks of summer. Congratulations to Ed Sheeran, Dappy and everyone else involved in their successes.
The N-Dubz star rolled out his solo career in style by smashing the charts with his Number 1 debut single, 'No Regrets'.
Dappy has been in Angelic Studios over the summer with engineer Ross Dights working on his debut solo album, featuring 'No Regrets'.
Released 19th September 2011. thedappy.com
The UK's most notable new balladeer of 2011, Ed Sheeran released his debut album on 12th September only to see it soar to the album to the top of the album charts off the back of the hugely successful pilot single, 'The A Team'. A few tracks from + were tracked and mixed by Charlie Hugall in Assault & Battery 2 and Sofa Sound studios.
Released 12th September 2011. edsheeran.com
View more releases made at Miloco Studios by visiting this link: miloco.co.uk/news/newreleases.php