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My wife and I have been together for 18 years married 9 have 3 great kids.All was good for a long time.
I had lost my job due to the economy (construction) about 4 years ago now and it was very hard on my family , bills, money was tight , and it was very upsetting to me not having a job to help support my family. My wife had her job and makes good money so we survived that period in life.
About Christmas time 2012 my wife went out to a holiday party at for her work and no spouses were invited. Strange I thought but she had always been faithful right?
Next morning I woke up and for some reason picked up her cell phone and looked at it . Now I am a morning person and my wife the opposite as she works the night shift. She jumped out of bed and instantly was looking for her cell phone , which I had.
What I read was really upsetting and got my blood boiling.
I confronted her later that day about what I had read and she denied everything. I left the house for a few days to gather my thoughts and emotions. She was texting with me pleading for me to come home . During this period she told me of the emotional affair with physical activities , but no sex ?
We decided yo go to counseling for about 4 months but have yet yo return because she felt the counselor was against her. REALLY?
Times went on and my emotions were very high and was angry a lot but tried not to show that.
I had asked her to send the other coward a no contact letter , stop texting with the guys from work and for her passwords to her accounts.
I received none.
So I emailed the coward about being involved with my wife. I got no response.
Fast forward 2 years and I still find out little details about the affair. But she still swears there was no sex.
I am emotionally drained and don't know what else I can do ?
I have today asked her for her password for her phone and she refuses.
We have 3 kids and 1 is aware of the affair, daughter 15, what am I showing my kids by staying?
Need advice!
If she refuses to give you her passwords and to let you check up on her, she is still lying and hiding stuff. I'm afraid you have to assume she is still having an affair.
Please read about the 180 in the Healing Library (upper left corner of the home page here) and start applying it. Give her a clear choice: give up the affairs, have NO CONTACT with the other guys, and give you all her passwords, or move out.
If your teenager knows, you need to show her that betrayal is not OK in a marriage, and that you can stand up for yourself and for her.
I know how hard this all is, and I am so sorry that you find yourself here. Keep posting and reading. There are a lot of kind and helpful people here who will help you figure this out.
[This message edited by Jls0320 at 10:18 AM, April 27th (Sunday)]
What is your relationship with your wife like now? Do you suspect she is still deceiving you now, or hiding things in the present? Or is it her refusal to go over what happened that makes things difficult?
Your wife has obviously wanted to sweep this under the rug and face no consequences, nor does she want to discuss what led to her being in a place to carry on an affair (whether emotional or physical).
Can you suggest you each go to IC, individual therapy? Is there a faith you belong to that offers counseling? As a final option, you could ask her to take a lie detector test. For me the big thing would be the transparency--does she insist her phone and communications are private? Secrets aren't healthy in a M and those with nothing to hie, hide nothing; but I'm guessing she says she feels you need to just trust her.
If you still love her and she makes you happy, I hope she can learn to offer more openness. But if your life together is mostly about defensiveness on her side and she won't talk about the past with you, leaving your feelings unresolved, that's awful. She should want to make you feel safe and to help you regain trust.
It seems as if this might be a dealbreaker for you. Have you consulted a L to find out what the likely custody and support outcome would be?
Good luck.
It is hard. It's going to get harder before it gets better for you, but you have to do what is right for you and your children. Read the 180 and start implementing it. It is for your well being.
You need to be taking care of yourself so that you can take the best care you can of your children. I'm so sorry you had to come to SI, but you are in a great place and will receive a lot of support! (((dadto3)))
You can see more of my story on my blog here: http://thatcraftylunchlady.com/?p=833
"Never give up hope and let time heal you"
Do you have reason to believe the affair is ongoing?
Has there been any progress or change in your WW interaction with you since the d-day?
Has your wife ever given you a reason for why she had the affair?
Does she admit it was an affair or does she call it something else?
Look Its been over a year. As a rule I NEVER suggest inaction and Im not going to change that now. But give us more info and chances are we can offer you some sort of a guideline to go by. This is definitely a situation you need to change.
I have today asked her for her password for her phone and she refuses.
Or do I leave the house?
Never, she is choosing to have the affair. She needs to leave.
I base my statement on:
I had asked her to send the other coward a no contact letter , stop texting with the guys from work and for her passwords to her accounts.
I received none.
She is choosing to invest her time(that should be spent on family) in texting and talking with OM. I recommend
as a way to give yourself some time and space to determine your next steps. Please read the healing library located in the upper left hand corner. The BS FAQ's is a great place to start.
Welcome brother.
I think you need to (and want to?) take a stand and give her an ultimatum - she is either going to work with you and give you everything you need to work towards R or she needs to pack her shit and hit the bricks.
You cannot reconcile without transparency. You cannot reconcile without her going NC with the AP. You cannot reconcile if she is keeping the truth from you and you cannot reconcile without a monumental commitment from her and a crap load of effort from her ("the therapist is picking on me" just doesn't cut it).
What are your thoughts? Do you want to reconcile? Do you feel that she wants to reconcile? Have you thought about D?
I have today asked her for her password for her phone and she refuses
When I do confront her and give her the clear choice do I ask her to leave when/if she refuses ?
Or do I leave the house?
I don't want to leave my kids.
When I found out she said it happened because I wasn't paying enough attention to her.
Her affair has nothing to do with you!
You didn't cause it, she is broken and needs to get into some therapy. She is little by little ripping the man she married to shreds.
You have to stop the bleeding. IMO, you could use therapy as well, if she refuses to go, go on your own.
Get strong, understand these choices are hers and she needs to fix and own her shit, not blame you.
I would collect all evidence and contact an attorney. Don't tell her, just get info and find out how to protect yourself.
She isn't taking your needs into consideration at all.
Pull the 180 on her at the minimum or have her move out, whichever you decide.
Stop jumping through hoops for her, you cannot love her back or nice her into doing what's right. She needs to pull her head out of her ass and get real.
When this happened to me and I found my husband with the OW I hefty bagged his shit...threw him out and let him feel what the loss of his family would be.
You need to rock her world....get strong for you and the kids and start demanding better.
This is the 180
So here's the list:
Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
No frequent phone calls.
Don't point out "good points" in marriage.
Don't follow her/him around the house.
Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.
Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.
Don't ask for reassurances.
Don't buy or give gifts.
Don't schedule dates together.
Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.
Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.
Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!
If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!
Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.
All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!
Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!
Don't be overly enthusiastic.
Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!
Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!
Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.
Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.
Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!
Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"
Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.
When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." (Poodlepapa)
[This message edited by karmahappens at 1:02 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]
It took me a long time to develop a healthy relationship with my parents because there was a lot of blaming going on (between my parents, and on my part). I blamed my father for leaving us, for betraying my mother, etc.
However, both of my parents helped me a lot by being open about what was going on. Not the nature of the affair, but the status of their relationship.
If you stay, make it clear that you value the relationship and want to rebuild trust. The message that you send is that you can't just throw in the towel and relationships are hard work.
If you decide to leave make it clear that it is not your children's fault, that you still love them, and try to avoid bringing them into the conflict. I know that gets said a lot, but I really felt like it was my fault. Occasionally one of my parents would bring up "the kids getting in the way" or taking time away from the marriage and that really hurt. Obviously those are natural feelings and it happens, but those conversations are best held away from the kids.
Having to be go-between for my parents until they had reached a point where they could be civil was brutal. It wasn't the conflict that was a problem for me, it was being brought into it.
In any event, my parents' divorce ended up being a positive thing from my perspective. I could tell there was conflict and that they weren't happy. It wasn't a good environment to be in, and now that time has passed I have a better relationship with both of them than I had when they were trying and failing to make it work.
There is an old adage often seen here on SI to never to take any major decision in the six months after d-day. I absolutely hate that advice. Inaction will only leave you where you are. Its IMHO Imperative that you take action and start working your way out of infidelity ASAP. However
the course of action has to be carefully thought through and you need goals and milestones to progress towards.
Be careful in using threats and ultimatums. In fact avoid them unless they fit a very specific criteria. For example demanding she leaves
what if she refuses? Legally she can and you can be in a tub load of trouble if you force her out. So dont demand she leaves unless you can enforce it.
OK As a first step I suggest you do the following:
REALLY think what it is you fear the most.
You state you dont want your kids to grow up with divorced parents.
If divorce is your biggest fear
then dont do anything that could lead to divorce.
That might include accepting your wife is in an affair. Might include accepting shes so emotionally closed to you she isnt willing to plan date-nights. Use condoms to avoid STDs ... As long as she accepts a marriage on those grounds
you dont need to fear divorce.
I do however warn you that kids tend to base their future marriage on what they see with their parents so you should do something about your 15 year old daughter
If the above does not sound like a good plan then THINK!!!
After all if you are not willing to allow your wife to have her affair and thereby avoid divorce then there IS something you fear more than divorce.
Im guessing that when push comes to shove you will realize that what you fear the most is that your wife remains in an affair. You fear SHARING your wife.
With me so far?
OK So if you have realized that THIS is your biggest fear that the worst possible outcome of this situation is that 12 months from now you are waiting for her to come home after overtime and hoping shes had the decency to clean herself
THEN you have a baseline to work from when deciding your next steps.
You see in order to save your marriage you have to be willing to leave your wife behind
Fact is you cant save your marriage. The marriage you had
Thats a corpse and from the sound of it its started to rot. What you can do is offer your WW a new marriage that extracts all the good from the old one and does its best to exorcise the bad from it. A marriage you two can build and improve. But in order to do that you really need to be willing to walk away from the old one.
You can make the new marriage enticing for your wife, and you can create pressure that pushes her towards it but you can never force her into it. To get her to follow you then you need to be willing to walk away from where you are now. That does include being willing to risk divorce if she doesnt want out of infidelity.
Dad if you accept that sharing your wife is immensely worse than a possible divorce I can share with you some thoughts on how to proceed.
Several others have pointed out this is not our fault. The fact is,she in essence refuses to do any of the things you asked for. Not one stinking thing. Cheaters lie. If she had a problem with you not paying enough attention, she should have talked to you. Did she? Probably not, am I right? I'm 45 years old been to lots of holiday parties at work and not once was I told spouses aren't allowed, probably a lie. It wasn't sexual, probably a lie.
My WW affair sucked and she hurt and disrespected me greatly. She never confessed but she did not deny it when I confronted her. She did try to blame shift with some utter garbage, a lie. My WW said she knew I was cheating and OM had proved it to her, again a lie. Kind of a recurring theme with WS's. My WW has changed her tune and is really doing all she can. I've got to respect that.
Your wife REFUSES to provide you with any of the things you requested to help you feel secure. That smacks of disrespect and her entitlement.
You need to protect yourself and your children. See a lawyer and start the 180. You said your 15 year old daughter knows what's going on. What she sees is wrong and an unhealthy relationship. We've all been there. Your wife has done absolutely nothing to heal your hurts or make your marriage better.
Brother I apologize if this seems harsh but after reading your post I'm angry for you. I'm angry for every BS that had or is taking such abuse. But chin up, you've found a great place and everyone is here to support you.
My story mirrors yours so much, I really feel for the decision you have to make. I'd just like to share a couple if my beliefs.
The affair is not your fault. It is hers. You've admitted you had marriage problems and have tried fixing them, she hasn't. This situation is on her.
Therefor, she should leave. Although, I would personally seek some legal advice for this, especially with children.
Get yourself some IC. Whether you choose to ignore this, or find the courage to 180, look after yourself, mentally and physically.
Really, how long can you emotionally keep getting battered like this? I know I can't. I'm scared about where this may take me, but deep down, I'm know I'm worth more.
So are you.
DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014
Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little
I am the BS, breadwinner, WS financially dependent on me..
For the time being he makes more money than me but is dependent on me for med insurance thru my company..I am retired..
Anyway, my WH has been asked to leave,HE REFUSES to leave,
he REFUSES to show me any password to anything, no transparency, no remorse..
So I am getting my ducks in a row to file for divorce so I can move somewhere else or force him to leave..I would not want him back even if he did an about face and was suddenly interested in saving the marriage... I am mentally divorced from him, not present for him any more..I carry on my own life irregardless of his life and schedule..
So to answer your question, if your WW refuses to do what you ask for R and also refuses to leave, get your ducks in a row, protect yourself financially and legally and don't do anything for yourWW... Living in the same home with your WW doesn't mean you have to be present for her as a spouse..
No sex, no laundry, no cooking, none of those things that make her feel special..
I know in house separation sucks but it is better than living with an un remorseful cheater and doing stuff for her as if the marriage was still intact..
[This message edited by doggiediva at 2:18 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]
60 years young..
She says he no longer is working at her workplace but to me that doesn't mean much as she can still text without me knowing. She has an iPhone and can receive Imessages without it coming up on the phone bill.
She's not remorseful at all. She can't even be motivated enough to come up with a date night as part of your reconciliation. Why are YOU doing all the work to clean up her mess?
You're not in reconciliation. She's not in it to win it. She's just giving you barely enough to keep the status quo. You deserve better.
Don't YOU leave the house. Legally, that might be construed as desertion. Let her leave.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 3:33 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]


text:
Maybe you're still only dreaming about starting your own design business.
Or perhaps you're doing a few side-jobs in your free time hoping to start a design business full-time.
Maybe you've just started your design business but need a bit of a boost to take it to the next level.
Wherever you are in the process of starting your own design business, this post is for you.
Sidenote: When you're done here, learn from 150+ freelancers who've been in your shoes with our all-new 30-day bootcamp: Zero to Freelancing. You'll love it.
(And if you want more than just these 10 tips, check out our favorite and most helpful articles on starting and running your own business. You should also subscribe to our newsletter and we'll send you tons of stuff to help you build a design business.)
1) Understand your situation
No one is ever 100% ready to start their own design business with absolutely no risk, all reward.
Business just isn't like that.
(After all, I started my design business almost by accident when I got laid off and had to start hunting for work.)
Some life situations, however, reduce the risk. For example, it's less risky to start your own business if:
You'll also enjoy this episode of our new podcast...
- Your household or family isn't completely dependent on your current income for stability.
- You've got savings or other income you can use while building your client base.
- You're already working a full- or part-time job and can continue to do so until you don't have time for it.
- You've already got clients you're working for in your free time–and even better if they'd like you to take on more projects.
More on freelancing part-time: Don't hate freelancers with full-time jobs
To find more long-term clients, read: 3 Easy ways to turn one-off projects into long-term clients
How risky is your situation?
Remember: many businesses don't really get rolling until years 2 to 3, so be prepared to need another source of money in the early days of starting your design business to ensure you can pay your bills.
2) Identify your motivation for starting a design business
Are you starting your own design business for the right reasons?
- Why are you interested in starting your own design business?
- What's motivating you to strike out on your own?
- Are you passionate about your design business idea?
By understanding what you want to get out of starting your business (i.e. more time with your family or the ability to simultaneously work and travel around the world), you can determine what type of design business is right for you and take steps to ensure you start a design business you love.
Read more on loving your business and staying motivated:
- How to turn your day-to-day struggle into a creative business you love
- How to stay motivated when solo business has got you in a rut
- 7 Signs you're approaching business burnout & how to save yourself before it's too late
Most entrepreneurs will tell you:
Starting and operating any business (successful or otherwise) is stressful, time-consuming, and a lot of hard work. A lot of hard work…and persistence, and dedication, and long days and nights, and weighty decisions you can't pass off to anyone else.
But it also means a flexible schedule, a measure of control over your own financial security, additional vacation time, no commute, limitless growth possibilities, the ability to say no to a client or project, and a thousand other wonderful freedoms.
(While I get to take far more vacation days than I ever used to at my 9-5, I also put in my fair share of 50+ hour work weeks in order to keep my clients happy and afford the extra time off.)
Simply put: work hard…play hard.
And if you don't have the discipline to apply yourself to your work when the comforts of home beg you to procrastinate each day, being an entrepreneur may not be for you.
More on working from home:
- How to avoid distractions when working from home
- How to make your home office a sanctuary
- My top tips for making the most of working from home
- 8 tips for freelancing from home without ignoring your kids
- Where to hold client meetings when you design from home
3) Inventory your skill set
This is one of the toughest questions to answer honestly, and it's one many successful veteran creative entrepreneurs still evaluate themselves with:
"Do I have the skills to compete with other professionals in my industry?"
If you're unsure, check out Dribbble, Behance, Etsy, SmugMug, or wherever professionals in your industry post or sell portfolio pieces. How do your best pieces stack up?
If you've still got improving to do (and really, who among us doesn't?), don't fret.
Both Ferrari and Kia are profitable car companies, and while your current skill set may only allow you to charge Ford prices or retain Mercedes-level clients, you can always take classes, study tutorials, and hone your skills to move up to that next level.
Pro tip! Ask three trusted sources to give your their honest opinions on industry professionals' work versus yours.
More on finding the right skills to build your design business:
4) Define your design business
What does your business specialize in? Who are your dream clients and projects? What aura does your business project? (PS: Here's how to dominate any niche or industry.)
I think most of us initially secretly responded with, "I just need clients who want to pay me to do stuff. The details really don't matter."
At the outset, any job is exciting and any client is a chance to prove to yourself and your doubting Thomas that you ARE good enough to be a professional designer.
(And that's okay. Food isn't free.)
Soon enough, though, you're going to get tired of working long hours for peanuts, dealing with a demanding client you can't afford to ditch, and working on projects you really don't enjoy.
PS–if you have clients you can't ditch because you need the money, you need to read this: How to handle a tough client you just can't afford to ditch right now
If you're not happy as an entrepreneur, your business isn't going to last very long because it's not going to feel worth it enough to continue.
So set your design business up for success!
First, select three adjectives (not four or five…three only!) that you want someone to use if asked to describe your business.
- Are you ultra-modern?
- Cheerful?
- Always available?
- Affordable?
- Grunge or underground design?
- Strictly professional?
- Passionate?
- Lightning-quick turnaround?
Then define your ideal projects and your ideal clients, and research how and where to find them. (More on that below.)
The truth is, you can get better freelance work by defining your dream client.
5) Create a portfolio before starting your design business
In order to get those ideal clients and projects you'll need to start a successful design business, you need a portfolio of your best work. Remember: quality, not quantity!
However, if you're just starting out, stellar portfolio pieces can be hard to come by.
This is where you have to get creative:
- Offer your services to a local non-profit, government, or homeowner's association
- Take continuing education classes that promise portfolio pieces
- Create portfolio pieces based on self-inspired projects (things you've always wanted to create)
For more on creating winning digital and physical portfolios, try these:
- How to build a stellar portfolio to land your very first freelance gig
- Does your portfolio website have a case of the "no one ever calls me"?
6) Set your pricing
This is easily one of the most challenging aspects of starting your own design business: determining what you're going to charge.
And the catch is, it's never resolved. 10-year veterans still fret over whether or not they're charging enough, how to charge more, and if they're selling themselves short.
When you're just starting out, it's even more of a mystery, but the basics of pricing are as follows:
- Determine how much profit you need to survive (personally and professionally)
- Determine what your knowledge, experience, and quality can command
- Determine what the market will bear
Bonus: Snag a copy of our ebook, How Much Should I Charge? to help you establish profitable pricing for your business.
7) Find the right clients (and projects)
As I mentioned before, when you're just starting your design business, sometimes the "right" clients are anyone who's willing to pay you.
But as time wears on, you get more selective.
You start to recognize which clients you work best with, and which are the headaches whose phone calls you deliberately ignore.
You figure out which projects have the highest profit margin, and which ones you really enjoy working on. If you're lucky, they're one and the same, but if not, you might have to get creative on how to pair your favorite projects with your most profitable ones.
So where do you find your favorites?
Well, if you have favorite clients, keep track of how you found them and try to repeat the process. And don't forget to ask those favorites to refer you to like-minded friends.
You can use our awesome referral-generating email template to bring in all sorts of leads.
Or pre-qualify local clients by getting to know them first before offering your services. Entrepreneur groups, chambers of commerce, and women's/men's groups all help you get to know other businesspeople in your area so when they need a designer, they think of you first.
Also, foster relationships with complementary businesses like copywriters, web developers, print shops, marketing specialists, and small business advisers – when their clients need your services, you'll be on the short list of who to call.
If you struggle with "networking," you're not alone. Try one of these posts:
- The golden networking tip most freelancers overlook
- How I grow my business through networking (from a guy who hates "networking")
Finally, sign up on freelancing job sites. Sure, there are some businesses looking for the cheapest design possible, but there are others looking for a long-term solution for their occasional design needs. Work one project through a site like 99Designs, Thumbtack, Elance, or oDesk and you just might earn a great client for years.
8) Establish your social media presence
At the very least for B2B businesses like ours, social media helps validate your business. When potential clients Google your business, they want to find something (and you want it to be positive).
Even an occasionally updated Twitter feed, Facebook page, and/or Instagram account shows that:
- You're relevant and savvy with today's technology
- Your business is established enough for you to have created these accounts
- You're actively still in business
With a digital marketing strategy (and maybe a bit of luck), you may even find a social media outlet(s) bringing you business. We happen to know of one small but vital change that will bring in more clients.
And if nothing else, dear Aunt Betsy and that ex-coworker from your first job out of college will see your latest work…and may know a friend of a friend who turns into your next client.
(True stuff: my very first client was a friend of an ex-coworker who needed a go-to designer.)
More on getting your design business set up on social media:
9) Learn the basics of design contract
Before the phone starts ringing and you start negotiating your first projects, create a simple contract. You'll have plenty of time to add to it as experience identifies what you're missing, but the basic must-haves are:
- Contact information for both you and your client
- Objective/scope of project
- Investment
- Payment terms
- Timeline
- Deliverables
- Signatures and dates for both you and your client
You can also read Contracts for Creatives, for tons more information as well as pre-made design contract templates.
10) Get to work!
The last hurdle is what we often call 'freelancing fear.' (Here's what causes it and how to overcome it.)
As crazy as it sounds, once you've started your design business, it's not uncommon to be afraid – or terrified – of those first projects or client calls.
But you've got to pick up the phone, and you've got to accept those projects despite the butterflies making a jumble of your stomach.
Remember: When a new client calls you, don't freak out. Do this.
Set yourself up for success like this:
- Practice, practice, practice. Start a fake phone conversation with your best friend, dog, or just your bedroom mirror. Know how you'll answer the phone and what you're going to start with.
- Keep a cheat sheet of what you're going to say and questions you need to ask.
- Remember that as much as you're auditioning for the role of designer, they're auditioning for the role of client.
- Don't forget to smile when you answer the phone.
Thoughts? Questions?
Have any of these tips been a difference-maker in your business? Do you have questions or need clarifications on any of the above? We're here to help. Leave a note in the comments with your thoughts!

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Royals get to Verlander to avoid sweep
Sun, 13 Jul 2014 23:14:47 GMT —
Eric Hosmer's RBI double capped a five-run seventh inning and Kansas City avoided a four-game sweep on Sunday with a 5-2 victory over the Detroit Tigers.
Four of the runs were charged to Justin Verlander (8-8), who started the inning with a two-hit shutout but loaded the bases on three straight singles.
The come-from-behind win still leaves the second-place Royals 6Ã?½ games behind the Tigers in the AL Central.
Since June 18 when K.C. beat the Tigers for their 10th straight win and went a season-best seven games over .500, the Royals have gone 9-14 while the Tigers went 17-6.
Verlander gave up six hits in 6 1/3 innings, struck out three and walked one.
Yordano Ventura (7-7) pitched 1 2/3 innings in his first career relief appearance and got the win.


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IBM i Application Lifecycle Management (ALM)
TD/OMS is an in-house developed, easy to use, flexible and cost effective Application Lifecycle Management (ALM) solution supporting IBM i (AS/400), Windows and Unix/Linux software change, development and modernization.
It incorporates fundamental IT business processes such as Application Life Cycle Management, Version Management, Release Management, and Software Distribution & Deployment. The IT organization is supported in streamlining the change process of any type of application, no matter the complexity of the environment.
Complete control over software assets
TD/OMS is a modular solution that gives complete control over the software life cycle process and provides a real time overview of software components and configuration. Compliance and auditing requirements can be easily met due to the registration of all component movements.
TD/OMS defines applications and their related IBM i, as well as virtual, non-IBM i objects, like 4GL functions and single messages. These dependencies are then mapped in a software configuration database.
A "defined lifecycle" is created around this database. It reflects the process that is carried out during each software change which normally consists of the steps repeated during the lifecycle of a software component. Thus, it is not a one-time only process, rather an iterative one. It is repeated until a software component is at the end of its lifecycle.
After the control definitions have been entered, the daily operations for the end -user, IT -manager, DevOps, programmer and application manager are made easy. TD/OMS supports the daily operations and uses the application and environment definitions extensively. This results in a minimum of decisions to be made on the operational level. All exceptions are registered in TD/OMS, thus creating an active way of working, instead of a reactive one.
Built in reporting facilities present real-time information on how a change was made and how it was managed.
SQL support
Are you (planning to start) using SQL? TD/OMS is the tool to take care of the SCM part of your SQL related activities. The SQL (generated) objects get the same treatment as the other objects. The relationships are also building up so you perform your impact analysis for SQL (generated) objects as you do for any other object. SQL specific elements (eg long names) are also supported.
If you are looking at modernizing your database than you can use the TD/OMS build in DDS to DDL support to convert your current database into a SQL database. If you prefer to use a third party tool (eg XA DB modernize) to help you with your database modernization efforts than TD/OMS will help you to execute the SCM related activities in the most efficient way.
The TD/OMS virtual object functionality gives you full control to treat a SQL script as if it is a real object. This means that you can execute any script as required. It makes this a perfect approach to use SQL for performing database conversion and data manipulation.
- Flexible change cycle support
- Transfer and change history
- Request & Task Management
- Rules based process definition
- 'Real Time' configuration database
- Easy to use graphical impact analysis
- Component & relation repository
- Automatic or manual rollback
- Source compare & merge (version control incl. IFS files; peer review)
- IBM i off-the shelf applications' management support
- 'Green screen' or Graphical User interface
TD/OMS supports entering text in any language possible. This means that also languages that require 2 bytes for each character are supported. These languages are also known as DBCS (Double Byte Character Set) languages. TD/OMS is using graphical character fields for descriptive fields to enable this support. Read more
Graphical impact analysis
With Graphical Impact Analysis you are able to detect the effects of a software change request by analyzing the relationships between the components in a graphical way. The display of related components can be limited by use of filters on specific component and relation types. Common standard filters are shipped with the product, but you can also define an unlimited number of your customized filters. The resulting view can be printed, saved to a file and/or used to connect the components to a TD/OMS task.
Insight and control over modernization projects
TD/OMS integrates with top industry solutions for modernization projects, such as X-Analysis (Fresche Legacy), RPG Toolbox (Linoma Software) and WebSmart PHP (BCD Software). The entire modernization process takes place under the TD/OMS control, and no data can be missed (TD/OMS stores the previous version of your software, so you can go back to it anytime, and keep the track/history of your software for reporting purposes - audit/SOX/ISO compliance). With such streamlined modernization process your new, modernized applications can be up and running really quickly.
Secure and easy automated deployment
TD/OMS allows automatic software deployment to IBM i as well as non-IBM i platforms: Windows, Linux, Solaris, Mac-OS, Tomcat, Websphere and LANSA. TD/OMS controls the entire process for you. It transfers objects according to the defined workflow and takes care of the database conversion. In principle TD/OMS does everything which is needed to implement objects correctly and allows you also to deploy application components to a live application environment requiring 24/7 up-time.
Off-the shelf applications management
TD/OMS with its built-in functionality, called Fusion, can manage changes of not only in-house developed applications, but also any IBM i off-the shelf applications coming from third parties. Before an upgrade of the off-the shelf application, users want to know what the impact will be to their custom changes. Fusion can help them to determine this impact and to generate the relevant work within TD/OMS.
It has an extremely positive impact on the management of third-party applications' customization process or installation of coming updates and minimizes number of conflicts between all applications.
Application history and traceability
TD/OMS registers all status changes in the history repository when components pass through the predefined cycle. Depending on the cycle definition the history will include version changes, source archiving and ratification information. The registered information can be viewed at a request, task and component level. TD/OMS contains a number of standard reports. An easy to use interface is available to create customized reports with the Eclipse reporting tool BIRT.
The functionality is extremely important for the purposes of laws & regulations (SOX, Basel II, HIPAA, ISO, etc.) as well as IT best practices compliance.
Source Compare and Merge / Version Control
TD/OMS Fusion Pro (Source Change Control), allows comparison of complete libraries of sources of an original and updated applications. If the modified software including retrofitted changes runs in the bigger environment, TD/OMS and its graphical impact analysis module can show how the different components in the system interact; what files are read by which programs, or what "foreign" logicals are created over suppliers physical. Therefore, TD/OMS Fusion Pro as a part of TD/OMS allows the user to conduct a fast, effortless, stable and successful upgrade of the application, that will work properly in the entire system.
Not alone the automatic retrofitting of vendor changes can be done with Fusion Pro, also the use case where developers work on different versions based on the same ancestor, so called "dual maintenance" or "branches".
TD/OMS Fusion Pro can be used as a standalone source compare and merge product or as a part of Remain's IBM i Application Lifecycle Management framework, TD/OMS.
Integration with top solutions for IBM i
- Support for legacy applications modernization: X-Analysis (Fresche Legacy), RPG Toolbox (Linoma Software), WebSmart PHP (BCD Software)
- Task & workflow management tools: Remain Software Gravity, IBM Rational Team Concert, JIRA
- 4GL interfaces: LANSA, CA Plex, CA 2E, AS/SET, Magic, IDDOS, EGL, ProGen, etc.
- Large data files management with TD/OMS Timeflash - an interface for MIMIX Promoter (Vision Solutions)
- (Continuous) deployment to IBM i, Windows, UNIX , Linux, Tomcat, WebSphere
- Streamlined software development in Java, PHP
Benefits for your business
- IT costs optimized
- Multi-methodology way of working and significantly increased productivity
- Shortened time to market
- Increased IT reliability and control; high quality code
- Integration to all traditional IBM i and Eclipse based development platforms
- Modularity - use and pay for only what you really need
- Support of laws & regulations (SOX, ISO, Basel II, etc.) and IT best practices compliance
- Third party application software change support
- Gained visibility and teamwork improvement
- Workload predictability and quick implementation time
- Standardized way of working and reduced risk in business continuity


text:
Dania Beach Florida HotelsBooking any of the Dania Beach Florida Hotels requires serious consideration, but you can trust us; we have all of the features of an expensive luxury hotel, here at our reputable Quality Inn & Suites! Trust us to provide you with the highest quality service. Not only do we have superior amenities, but we promise to be the most accommodating, and most comfortable hotel you can ever find. Our fully trained staff workers are completely dedicated to ensuring your satisfaction and comfort, and also maintaining it, and they will do everything they can to keep you satisfied. So, despite our "cheap" prices, we an ideal hotel, and we will prove it to you! Why look elsewhere for a place to stay, when we are available to you?
Select us, as one of the most cost-effective of the Dania Beach Florida Hotels; our Quality Inn & Suites Hotel is smoke-free, and maintains the goal of customer satisfaction! You are our number one priority at all times! Our workers will do everything they can to accommodate you and make your stay with us enjoyable. Each renovated, spacious, and beautifully decorated room has FREE WI-FI service, and you will be greeted with FREE Continental Breakfast. Our guests can add to the list of amenities and facilities, greater transportation and shuttle service as well! Remember, you get the very best prices when you BOOK DIRECT; it is the only means of getting lowest room-rates. Call, or click on the "Book Now" link!
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text:
I have a confession.
The Christmas cards currently lying on our kitchen table, half addressed and still needing stamps -- while lovely -- are a lie. Okay, maybe they are not completely a lie. They just don't tell the whole story.
Like most holiday cards, ours features a nice little greeting. We are proclaiming a message of "Peace" to the world. But, um, have you been to our house? (Or any house with two small children?) You, too, might see the irony of such a sentiment.
Also, there are images of us all smiling. To be fair, we do that a lot. Smile. And I'm so grateful for those (many) moments.
But there are also lots of tears.
Some happy. Some irrational. (Most of those are from the newly anointed three-year-olds in the house.) And some from frustration. (Cue me slowly raising my hand to claim the majority of those.)
But those are not shown. The tears. They are not a part of our Christmas image this year.
Somehow I don't tend to pick up my camera when I'm in mom meltdown mode, and I could not find an appropriately adorable screaming toddler photo like this one from two years ago...
...which happens to be one of our favorite pictures. Ever. (And I take a lot of pictures.) But I promise you this picture was not as adorable in the moment. In the moment, I was frustrated, stressed, at the end of my ever-shortening rope.
And this moment, forever captured in our hearts, has not been the only moment of frustration and stress and rope shortening. There have been many. Often multiple each day. I fear that too many days have passed me by when I've only heard the screams of another tantrum, the cries of another "owie," and the whining of another pleading toddler. Sometimes the laughter gets lost in the present.
But hindsight... hindsight is everything.
With hindsight, I can look at this picture and laugh. I can see my two beautiful babies. I can hear the laughter above the sound of their tears. I can feel the warmth of the setting Florida sun and the soft sand beneath my toes. I can appreciate the time we had together. I can cherish the moment.
I can give thanks for the memory.
I find that the same is true of much of what I remember of our first three years as a family of four. (Side note: I have mostly blocked out the entire first year of twin survival. This is for our collective sanity. Believe me. Thank goodness I took some pictures.)
Still, when I do pause and reflect back on three years of raising little people, I can and do see the beauty in the journey. I can hear the laughter above the tears.
Why is it so much easier to cherish the memory than to savor present? How is it that the challenges which bring us to tears today can move us to laughter tomorrow?
As we cross the next hurdle (or enter a new jungle) on this month in which our twins turn three, I hope these pictures can bring some perspective. I hope they can help me to have the foresight to more often see the joy in the now.
So maybe our Christmas cards this year are not a lie after all. Maybe it is our whole story. While we may lack "peace" in the moment-to-moment of raising twins, there is most definitely peace in our hearts. And while the pictures don't show the tough moments and the tears, they are nevertheless present in our eyes and our smiles. And I guess, for us, that makes them all the more real.
Looking forward, I know there will continue to be hard days. And tears. And short ropes. But I'm thankful for the snapshots of joy, both then and in the now. They are the images, the memories, I will choose.
Merry Christmas.
More from parenting


text: This will be the last week any publisher interested in filling out PW's annual salary survey will be able to do so. A final questionnaire will be emailed to publishers today or tomorrow so take a look for it in your in-box. Results from the survey will appear in a story in early September.


text:
SARAFAND, Israel (Jul. 16)
The trial of 15 members of an alleged underground terrorist group which the government believes responsible for the blasting of the Soviet legation in Tel Aviv resumed here before a military tribunal today after a week's recess, with the prosecution beginning to present its evidence against the defendants.
Only four of the accused were in the courtroom today. Seven still refused to recognize the court's jurisdiction and to cooperate in the trial and were again barred from the courtroom where they are being tried in absentia. Three 17-year-olds who pleaded guilty last week remained on bail and another one was on bail because of ill health.
The prosecution began its case by calling police officers to testify about their investigations and the finding of arms stores and secret documents. One of the officers told of searching the home of Shouel Dreimans, former Sternist in whose home weapons and documents were found, and who will later be called as a state's witness.
The court ordered a closed session for the presentation of some of the documents which are highly classified and whose disclosure, according to the prosecution, could be harmful to the state. Other documents included stolen military police identification cards, giving gang members access to all military installations, and army leave forms. The government will attempt to prove that they were stolen by Yaacov Heruti, number one defendant and son of the president of the Supreme Military Court, when he was in the army.


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Upcoming Series on Church Polity
I'm working on a series on church polity. It may be ready to being publishing next week. Maybe.
When I first started studying ecclesiology, I found that most books and articles primarily wanted to talk about church polity. This was strange to me, since I saw so little in Scripture about the problems that church polity attempts to answer. But, maybe I missed something.
What do you think of when you hear the phrase "church polity"? What are some different options of church polity that you've experienced? What are you views of church polity?
3 Comments
Comments are closed. If you would like to discuss this post, send an email to alan [at] alanknox [dot] net.
Hmmm? "Church Polity?†Seems simple enough to me.
There is "ONE†head, "ONE†master
{{{{{{ Jesus }}}}}}
and everyone else
His ekklesia
When I hear "church polity," I think of church politics.
Every Church "polity" I have read has gone leaps and bounds in the direction of systematizing the silence of Scripture on every topic under the sun.


text:
Platelet aggregation
platelet aggregation
The attachment of platelets to one another. This clumping together can be induced by a number of agents (e.g., thrombin, collagen) and is part of the mechanism leading to the formation of a thrombus.
Please contribute to this project, if you have more information about this term feel free to edit this page.


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One of the arguments in favor of producing genetically modified crops is that it doesn't harm the environment.
Hundreds of farmers would disagree.
As I've mentioned before, Monsanto's Roundup Ready crops have produced Roundup-resistant weeds. But these aren't the weeds you find popping up your yard. These are superweeds. And they're so large, so sturdy, and so fast growing that many farmers can't control them.
Some farmers actually abandon their fields to these monsters.
Well, guess what? Crops that contain the Bt pesticide have produced a Bt-resistant rootworm.
Gee… Who could have possibly seen THAT coming?
But it gets worse. This summer, farmers are learning a nasty new detail about this Monsanto-created Frankenworm…
It thrives in dry weather.
I'm sure you're aware that this is the driest, hottest summer in many years for U.S. farmers. So now, the hardship of a drought is compounded with the nurturing of pests that love to munch on Bt corn.
We're learning the hard way that it's not nice to genetically modify Mother Nature.
"Superinsects Are Thriving in This Summer's Drought" Tom Philpott, Mother Jones, 8/8/12, motherjones.com
Get urgent health alerts, warnings and insights delivered straight to your inbox


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Summer Friends
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Rated 5 / 5 stars
Someone didn't got Orkin in their house
Rated 5 / 5 stars
Ha I Just Love This Soo Much Dude! It's Like That's What They're Trying To Say To You! But They Just Can't Actually Speak!
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Oh what a funny subject and the style is perfect! I love the expression on the girl. Really fabulous. The designs are a little simplistic for my taste, but this works really well for you. Great work!
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It's a nice slice of life. Especially like the muted colors in the background.
I'm no artist, but 10% of borax (laundry booster) and 90% powdered sugar is the answer - ants can't distinguish the poison from the sugar, so it goes right to the queen and her followers.


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Growers looking for application flexibility can take advantage of a new Crop Sensor Rate Table available now from Ag Leader Technology. This functionality offered through the DirectCommand system on the Integra display allows producers to utilize the OptRx crop sensors to apply the agrochemicals they need on-the-go at the rates necessary for optimum performance.
Product Specialist Chad Fick explains, "Many agrochemicals, such as fertilizers,pesticides,defoliants, growth regulators and others, can be more effectively applied if the rates are varied according to crop health."
OptRx crop sensors work by shining light on the crop canopy and reading the light reflected back to determine the crop health, also known as Vegetative Index. Working with agronomists or crop consultants, farmers can use OptRx to improve the application of any agrochemical to any crop that needs a variable rate. "The new Crop Sensor Rate Table allows growers to choose a Vegetative Index range and assign the recommended rates based on those ranges," Fick said.
Growers with the Integra display can take advantage of the Crop Sensor Rate Table by updating their firmware to version 3.3.


text:
Panera Bread May Be Overdone
After the close today, Panera Bread (PNRA) reports third quarter fiscal year 2013 results. The Street is expecting the company to earn $1.35 on $583.95 million in revenue. While I would be amazed if the company were to hit that figure, I am wondering if the stock is washed out enough to jump back in.
The shares of Panera Bread are virtually unchanged on a year-to-date basis. Panera's trouble began back in July when it reported a horrible second quarter. It seemed like the whole fast casual dining business hit the skids in the second quarter as consumers pulled back on eating out. Panera missed the top line number and guided below expectations. Other names like Brinker (EAT) and Darden (DRI) have had a choppy year as well....331 more words left in this article. To read them, just click below and try Real Money FREE for 14 days.
There's no substitute for a trading floor to get great ideas, so Jim Cramer created a better one at Real Money and blogs there exclusively. We then added legendary hedge fund manager, Doug Kass, with his exclusive Daily Diary and best investing ideas. Staffed with more than 4 dozen investing pros, money managers, journalists and analysts, Real Money Pro gives you a flood of opinions, analysis and actionable trading advice found nowhere else, and allows you to interact directly with each expert.
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WEST COVINA >> A salary survey conducted in October used salaries from high-revenue cities such as Burbank, Pasadena and Santa Ana when determining the average wage of city managers in cities similar in size to West Covina.
West Covina's City Council used that salary average to determine that city manager Christopher Chung is paid "within the lower threshold of salary ranges," according to a staff report that suggested bumping Chung's salary of $195,000 by 2 percent.
The cities in the survey include Alhambra, Burbank, Downey, El Monte, Fullerton, Monterey Park, Montebello, Needles, Ontario, Pomona, Pasadena, Santa Ana and Whittier.
Chung declined the pay raise and a one-year extension on his contract, but drew criticism because of city council-backed clarifications that would make a non-extension of his three-year contract equal to termination and that would increase his severance from 12 months to 18 months. West Covina's outgoing city council ultimately elected not to make any changes to Chung's contract after dozens of residents spoke against it before it came to vote. Many of the residents questioned the survey, which was not publicly released in the staff report. The survey was obtained in a public record request. City Attorney Arnold Alvarez-Glasman declined to provide the city council's evaluations, citing a personnel exemption in California's Public Record Act.
While the staff report states that the 18-month severance increase is "consistent with many cities and State Law," Alvarez-Glasman indicated no research was done to back that claim.
"Please note that this statement was based upon staff's experience and also referencing Government Code section 53260 which establishes a maximum of 18 months severance irrespective of the length of the unexpired term of an employment contract," Alvarez-Glasman wrote in his response to the public record's request.
Of the cities used in the salary survey, none allowed 18 months of severance. Santa Ana's new city manager David Cavazos receives one of the highest salaries for a city manager in the state, approximately $315,000, according to his employment agreement. Cavazos, the former city manager for Phoenix, only gets 12 months upon termination, the same as Chung's current contract. Mark Scott, Burbank's highly paid top administrator, only gets six months.
New Councilman Corey Warshaw, sworn in last night, conducted his own survey on the amount of severance given to Los Angeles County's city leaders after hearing about the proposal.
"Out of 61 cities, there was only one other that had 18 months," Warshaw saw. "It doesn't look like they called up a lot of cities."
While cities like Pasadena and Burbank have similar populations to West Covina, they bring in significantly more revenue. A look at the budgets of each of the survey cities used in the evaluations showed the highest salaries were in cities with triple to quadruple the revenue. The four highest salaries went to Pasadena, Burbank, Santa Ana and Ontario, all of which managed more than $150 million in general funds in 2012. Pasadena and Burbank, which both each have between 100,000 to 150,000 people, brought in more than $600 million in total revenues during fiscal year 2012-2013. By comparison, West Covina's general fund revenue came in at about $51 million and its total revenues only reached $98 million. West Covina has a population of about 106,000 people.
The city of El Monte, which is probably the closest to West Covina in terms of population and revenue, also pays City Manager Raul Godinez II approximately $195,000, according to his employment agreement. He only gets six months of severance upon termination. The city's survey used $204,506 as his "actual" salary.
"Cities only have so much money, so you need to look at cities that are like West Covina in revenue, not by people," Warshaw said.
The differences in cities extended beyond just revenue.
City Manager Michael Beck in Pasadena is paid approximately $292,500, according to the Pasadena's website, but his city employs more than 2,000 people. West Covina only has approximately 338 full-time staff members. The salary survey in West Covina used $226,668 as Beck's salary in its comparison.
Not all of the cities had similar populations. Santa Ana, where the salary used in the survey lists as $270,450, has more than 320,000 people. Needles, where city manager Rick Daniels makes $197,000, has less than 5,000 residents.
If the four cities with more than $150 million in general fund revenues are removed from the survey, the average drops to about $202,000, $7,000 more than Chung, who only has one year of experience as a city manager, makes now.


text:
BabyLit Book Signing at Utah Shakespeare Festival Set for Tonight
Join the Utah Shakespeare Festival for a special book signing event with Jennifer Adams, author of the BabyLit series, on Friday, August 1 at 7 p.m. in the lobby of the Randall L. Jones Theatre. Adams will be signing Sense and Sensibility: A BabyLit Opposites Primer and Sherlock Holmes in the Hound of the Baskervilles: A BabyLit Sounds Primer in honor of the productions at the Festival. She will also have her other works on hand including Pride & Prejudice: A BabyLit Counting Primer, Y is for Yorick: A Slightly Irreverent Shakespearean ABC Book for Grown-Ups, and other BabyLit books.
Sense and Sensibility: A BabyLit Opposites Primer observes the life and loves of the Dashwood sisters, Elinor and Marianne. Readers learn the difference between big Norland Park and little Barton Cottage, happy Mr. Willoughby and sad Colonel Brandon, while hoping that one day Elinor and Marianne will leave their single days behind them and celebrate worthy marriage.
In Sherlock Holmes in the Hound of Baskervilles: A BabyLit Sounds Primer Alison Oliver's bold illustrations correspond with Jennifer Adams' clever, simple text to create pairings children will love when read to them, such as "hounds howl," "gates screech," and "stairs creak."
Adams is known for her dark humor and witty remarks about classic literature. She lives and works in Salt Lake City, and is the author of several books that take classic literature and make it accessible to children. Most of her books can be purchased at the Festival's Randall Gifts and Gallery.
Tickets are on sale for the Festival's 53rd season, which will run from June 23 to October 18, 2014. The eight-play season includes Shakespeare's Measure for Measure, The Comedy of Errors, Henry IV Part One, and Twelfth Night. The season will also include the world premiere adaptation of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility written by Joseph Hanreddy and J. R. Sullivan, Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods, Steven Dietz's adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes: The Final Adventure, and Boeing Boeing by Marc Camoletti. For more information and tickets visit www.bard.org or call 1-800-PLAYTIX.


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text:
Donald S. Gardiner, 79, passed away Wednesday, April 30, 2014, at his home in Rehoboth Beach following a long illness.
Donald was born Sept. 7, 1934, son of the late James L. Gardiner and the late Eleanore Jones Gardiner in Boston, Mass., leading to his lifelong love of Provincetown and Cape Cod.
Donald attended Brown University, belonging to the Theta Delta Chi fraternity, then headed for New York City to become a Broadway dancer. A true gypsy on the Great White Way, he performed in "Wildcat" with Lucille Ball, "The Music Man" with Forrest Tucker and "West Side Story" on tour. He also had an active career in summer stock and Broadway tours.
Following his Broadway career, he became a banker in Montgomery County, Md., attaining the position of vice president of Suburban Trust, now part of Bank of America; he retired in 2001.
Throughout his banking career Donald kept up with his love of dancing, adding acting, directing and scenic design to his theatrical resume. For over 40 years he was an integral part of the Washington, D.C. theatre community with leading roles, along with directing, choreography and set design. Some of his favorite venues included King's Jester Dinner Theatre, Toby's Dinner Theatre, Montgomery Playhouse, Silver Spring Stage and more.
Locally, Donald performed in The Laramie Project, and a series of one-acts at the Rehoboth Art League. At the time of his passing he was still in demand as a scenic designer. In addition to his passion for theatre, Donald supported efforts to save the New England whale population and American wolves.
In his retirement, Donald owned and operated Coastal Frameshop and Gallery.
He is survived by his husband of 43 years, Lee Mills; his brother, Jeff Gardiner (Fran); nieces: Karen O'Connell (Tom) and Julie Cole (Bobby), nephew, Stephen Gardiner (Christine); his cat Dee; and many loving friends.
A memorial service will be held at CAMP Rehoboth at a future date to celebrate his life.
In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations in Donald's name to CAMP Rehoboth, 39 Baltimore Ave., Rehoboth Beach, DE 19971, or Wolf Haven International Wolf Sanctuary, 3111 Offut Lake Rd SE, Tenino, WA 98589.
Arrangements are being handled by Parsell Funeral Homes & Crematorium, Lewes.
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Martinis and Popcorn: 'Takers' and 'The Last Exorcism'
This weekend's box office offers a different type of visual stimulation. Put aside the sexy women playing covert government agents and chiseled men – young and old; in an attempt to keep some money rolling in before the holiday weekend, Hollywood offers us glamour.
Two kinds to be exact. Frills and fashion in Takers, and glamor – in the demonic/vampire take over your soul way in The Last Exorcism. Reaching for the tie-in? Maybe a little.
Have you heard the bad rap about Takers yet? His name is Chris Brown – ha! – and he will probably make or break the decision on whether to see this film.
Joined by Hayden Christensen and Paul Walker, Takers is being called a poor man's heist flick with the criminals caring more about European fashion than the planning of a bank robbery – in all fairness, they do try, but they're no Danny Ocean.
More importantly, this film provides T.I. with another platform to make his comeback since being released from prison. He plays the "enigmatic 'Ghost'… [who's] the wild card in this pack, a founding
member of the gang they left for dead back in 04. Now he's out of
prison," according to CNN.
More of what's opening in movie theaters today after the jump.
It seems the choice lies between pretty verse ugly, if the other choice in film is The Last Exorcism.Following The Blair Witch Project style of documentary, The Last Exorcism
is not a film to see if you get motion sickness easily. Expect to feel
like you're running with the cameraman, who should be running in the
opposite direction if he knew any better. The Last Exorcism is said to instill fear… for at least the first two thirds of the film. Then it loses momentum. But those who know director Eli Roth's work (Cabin Fever, Hostel, Hostel 2) are aware that he knows a thing or two about horror. But how is this film only rated PG-13?


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