text:
Ned Martin's Amused
A collection of things that amused me: I believe you can tell a lot about a person from what amuses them, or sometimes, what doesn't amuse them. So, when I come across something that amuses me, this is where it goes.
Find things which have amused me recently, or browse around the categories below.
Printed on 100% recycled electrons.
Ned Martin's Amused Categories
aboriginal accident advertising africa alcohol america animals animated apple art audio australia babies balloons bananas banks batman beaches bears beer bikes billboards birds blonde board games boats bones boobs books bras bread brisbane britain browsers bsod bugs bunnies buses business cards calendars canada cars cartoons carving cats chairs charts chickens children chocolate chrome clippit cocaine coffee comics communist computer games computers condoms cooking cows crocodiles daleks darth vader dating democracy dinosaurs disaster dogs donkeys driving drugs drunk ducks earthquake easter education eggs einstein elephants emus english evolution explosions facebook families famous people fashion feminine hygiene fire firefox fish fishing flash flowcharts fonts food football france frogs fruit games gay geeky george bush giraffes girls grammar guns halloween hands harry potter hats heaven history horses illusion imagery internet internet explorer ios ipad iphone iphone 6 irish it jewish jobs joke jokes kangaroos kevin rudd kitchens kittens koalas kristen stewart languages laptops libraries linux lions logan lord of the rings love mac marijuana marriage math mayans medical men meth microsoft milk mobiles money monopoly mothers motorbikes movies movie stars music musicians muslim new zealand ninjas nokia north korea nsw obama ocd opera otters parenting parking parrots penguins phones photography pie charts pigs pirates pizza police political posters predictions pregnancy protests puns quotations rabbits racist rallies redheads redneck relationships religious rice risqué roads robots rocks romance safari samsung school science seals sex sexist sharks ships shirts shoes shops signs sms snakes snow spiders sport sports spying sql star wars steve jobs stickers superman tattoos teachers technology terrorism the rock toilets tongues tools toys trucks turtles tv underwear university vegetables vintage war whales wifi wikileaks windows wine witches women woolworths words work zebras zombies
Marriage: Before & After (Chicken Style)
Marriage: Before & After (Chicken Style).
Mayan, Aztec And Oreos
Mayan, Aztec and Oreos…
Hippo Eats Dwarf
A hippopotamus has swallowed a dwarf in a circus accident…
Don't Masturbate
Don't Masturbate!
Image of man backing-up with computer.
Idiots everywhere…
An Aussie Taxidermist In New Zealand…
An Aussie Taxidermist in New Zealand…
Slur In Cursive
When I drink, I don't slur my words… I speak in cursive.
Chosen One
I'm the chosen one…
Back From The Dead
Woo, it's me! Back from the dead!
An Ontarian Wanted To Become A Newfie…
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie…
Punny Animals
Who ever invented the "knock-knock jokes" should get a no-bell prize!
animals beavers birds cats dogs fish frogs horses imagery puns rabbits zebra
Dormeyer Crying Wives
Wives: Look this ad over carefully. Circle the items you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little…
Awkward Moment
The awkward when you already said "moment" in your head before you read it.
Vegetative State
Vegetative State.
When I Grow Up… I Want To Be Like Mommy!
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer…
The Harder A Wife Works, The Cuter She Looks
So the harder a wife works, the cuter she looks!
The Horror Of Blimps
Some blimps are better off dead…
Grammar Matters
Two Google searches: One for "how can u" and one for "how can an individual"
University Website
Things on the front page of a university website.
@KimKardashian @kanyewest Yo I'm Happy For You And Imma Let You Finish But Beyonce Had One Of The Best Labours Of All Time.
[Twitter] Taylor Swift: @KimKardashian @kanyewest Yo I'm happy for you and imma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best labours of all time.
babies imagery kanye west kim kardashian phones sms taylor swift twitter
Valentine Hand
Of course I'll be your valentine. Let's stay home and watch some porn.
Psalm 2009 – 2012
The First Book of Government.
RAC Roadside Assistance Meltdown
You don't want to be stuck out here.
Label Instructions
French Label Instructions
Always Love A Woman For Her Personality
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
How The Internet Started: A History Lesson
How the Internet Started: A History Lesson.
National Portrait Gallery
National Portrait Gallery. National Landscape Gallery…
Exercise - Some Facts
Exercise… some facts.
Biology, Multiplication And Division
Biology – the only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing…
Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year
Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year.
To Avoid Perpetuating Gender Stereotypes
To avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes, I gave my daughter a mix of dolls and toy cars to play with. This is what happened…
Slashdot For Dummies
Slashdot for Dummies – A Reference for the Rest of Us!
Laurel And Hardy
Laurel and Hardy were repairing their roof. All of a sudden, Hardy lost his balance and went tumbling on the ground…
A Redneck Love Poem
Susie Lee done fell in love…
Olympus Fights Back
Olympus Fights Back: Canon versus Olympus
Xbox One Vs. An Ordinary Brick
Xbox One vs. An Ordinary Brick: Price, DRM Free, Requires Internet, Region Locked…
The Bat Cave
The location of our Bat Cave is meant to be secret, so stop checking in!
Steady Hand – A Game Of Skill
A game of skill, requiring a steady hand and keen eye – make sure you play at least the first two levels…
Elephant Bone
…just to confuse future archaeologists.
IKEA Product Recall
IKEA product recall advert on April Fools Day
How Babies Are Made
How babies are made (with an air pump).
Seven Ate Nine
Six, Seven, Ate, Nine…
It's A Whale
How do you have any friends…
Shortest Horror Story: Monday
Shortest horror story: Monday.
I Forgot How To Dog
I forgot how to dog
Technically Correct
…but still wrong.
Jam And Butter The Muddy Plasters, The Dirty Bucket Of Pitch!
Jam and butter the muddy plasters, the dirty bucket of pitch!
Pacman Pie Chart
The Pacman pie chart.
Look At This Boob
Look at this boob. This is a nice boob.
In Russia People Sneeze Fire
In Russia people sneeze fire after drinking lots of vodka.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me…
Black Bears
Uh oh Howard. Looks like this area has black bears…
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party…
Worst Apocalypse Ever
[A grumpy cat the day the Mayan calendar ended] "Still Here. Worst Apocalypse Ever."
Keep Off The Grass
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes, entered…
Boiled Lobster
"I hate the way they scream when you boil them!"
He's Got Wifi
Three birds sitting on a wire, a fourth sitting in mid air. He's got wifi.
Telstra Customer Service
An insight into the Telstra Customer Service Experience.
Investment Opportunity
Investment Opportunity. Thought you might want to consider getting on board early.
Facebook Sex
Taking status updates too far.
Get Well Soon
A raccoon lies dead on the road, holding a "get well soon" balloon.
Policeman's Ball
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A NSW Police Officer walked to her car window flipping open his ticket book. She said "I bet you are going to try and sell me a ticket to the Policeman's Ball." He said, "NSW Police don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. Then he closed his book, tipped his hat, and got back in his patrol car and left!
Bacon Tree
Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food…
Roses Are #FF0000
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF.
Irresistible To Women
Make me irresistible to women
Drug Cats
An illustrated cat-guide to drugs…
acid animals cats cocaine coffee drugs heroin imagery marijuana mushrooms shrooms weed
Throwing People
A tomato's fear.
I'm Glad You're Up
I've put all of your folded shirts on the floor for you.
Robot Vacuum Cat Shark Duck Chase
Robot Vacuum Cat Shark Duck Chase.
The Boss's Quandary
The Boss's Quandary…
Math Instruction
At Heathrow Airport today…
A Cop Just Pulled Me Over And Said "Papers"
A cop just pulled me over and said "Papers"… so I said "Scissors, I win" and drove off…
Like If You Can Raed Tihs
Like if you can raed tihs whit no porlqebm baecuas yuor jsut taht sarmt.
Three Little Piggies
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night…
Vision Test
Vision Test.
A Woman's Wish
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods…
Nietzsche Is Dead
God is dead" ~Nietzsche / "Nietzsche is dead" ~God.
Blonde Geometry
Attached is problem 3 on a geometry examination…
Cooking With Wine
I tried cooking supper with wine tonight. Didn't go so well. After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.
An Australian Chilli Tester In Texas…
An Australian chilli tester in Texas…
Emergency: Out Of Order
Please do not have an emergency!
All Images
All Images
Good & Obedient Wives
And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world…
I Just Burned 1500 Calories In About Five Minutes
I just burned 1500 calories in about five minutes. I forgot the pizza was in the oven.
Banana Sausage
Banana sausage…
Cockroach Cancer
Please, don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor…
Punctuation Is Powerful.
Punctuation is powerful.
Moving Illusion
A psychedelic illusion where a brightly coloured non-moving image appears to be pulsating in and out.
Grammar Vandal
When English teachers snap: Sorry Ma'am, but bad grammar is no excuse for vandalism.
The Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the senior centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill…
Baby Instructions
Some useful instructions to keep baby alive and well…
Blacks For Sale
They can still do that?
Michael Jackson Is Dead
You Can Come Out Now…
A True Australian Ghost Story
This story happened a short while ago near Brisbane, and even though it sounds a little Alfred Hitchcock… it's (supposedly) true.
What Animals Dream...
What animals dream.
Kneel, Says The Demon Light
Stop says the red light, go says the green. Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. Kneel, says the demon light, with its eye of coal. Sauron knows your licence plate, and stares into your soul.
Stress Management
A stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.
Sisters Of St Francis
Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution…
Quite Literally…
I phone, you tube. Hi honey, I'm home. Chocolate milk shake.
Monster Energy Drinks & Rubiks Cubes
Monster energy drinks & Rubiks Cubes: Dude. You have a problem. Problem solved!
I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.
I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.
Do One Brave Thing Today
Do one brave thing today… then run like hell!
Mexico's National Sport
What is Mexico's national sport? Cross country.
Suffering From Capitalism
Feeling sad and depressed? Are you anxious? Worried about the future? Feeling isolated and alone? You might be suffering from Capitalism.
Irish Pets
Two Irish men walk into a pet shop…
Green Banana
Green banana…
I Am Hungary
I am Hungary…
Tough Tattoos
Tough Tattoos: You Don't Have to Like Me.
Purina Diet
The Purina Pet Food Diet.
McDonald's Reaches Africa
McDonald's reaches Africa.
Upsetting The Food Chain
A zebra on a motorbike…
Feeling Sluggish
I've been feeling a bit sluggish…
The Poodle And The Leopard
Experience trumps youth.
A Signal They Forgot To Teach You In Your Open Water Class.
Big shark behind you: A signal they forgot to teach you in your open water class.
Sweet Justice
Workcover versus the police…
Fridge Magnets
Well, tell me, Randy. Has someone eaten all the refrigerator magnets again?
Alphabet Game
The Alphabet Game is a car game played to amuse travellers on long car rides.
Round Illusion
Unusual round illusion.
Low Battery Warning
Plug in or find another power source. Or panic now!
Television Benefits Your Children
How television benefits your children.
Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days In 1 Week
Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days in 1 Week.
Root Canal
Amusing animated image of root canal treatment
Garden Flamingo
Garden Flamingo…
Broken Penis
I broke my penis and it exploded all over my pants.
Better Than A Flu Shot
Better than a Flu Shot
Went To The Moon, Took 5 Photos. Went To The Bathroom, Took 37 Photos.
Went to the moon, took 5 photos. Went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.
The Accidental Conversation Loop
My greatest social fear: The Accidental Conversation Loop.
And Then I Said
And Then I Said… The Differences Between Boys & Girls.
Dear Thigh Fat
Help the needy?
Thank You To All My Fans
Thank you to all my fans
Someone Out There Cares
I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.
Superman's Social Network Nightmare
Superman's Social Network Nightmare.
Pasta Truck
A pasta truck, or a very large pasta.
Video Games Don't Make Us Violent – Lag Does!
Video games don't make us violent – lag does!
The Clever Old Man
One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond…
Wife Of Pi
He's irrational and he goes on and on…
Let's Get You Home Buddy
Two giraffe having problems getting home.
Mayan's Beta Calendar Bug
…to get to the point; why does your calendar end in 2012? Oh, that's just a temporary problem in the beta version!
Kermit Sees The Doctor
Have a seat Kermit. What I'm about to tell you might come as a big shock…
Holiday House
The Holiday House
Missile Balloons
Missile Balloons.
2 Mayan Guys
[2 Mayan Guys] Wanna beer? I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.
Ultimate Chick Flick
Ultimate chick flick: Two women fighting over a pair of shoes
Battery Fully Charged. Unplug Charger.
In what is perhaps one of the more stupid "features" on my Samsung Galaxy Note, when it reaches full charge, it lights up its screen and pops up and audible alert saying "Battery fully charged. Unplug charger." As I charge my phone at night, it is effectively an extremely annoying unwanted wake-up call.
Short Story
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.…
You Can See Me?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone I will look at them shocked and just whisper quietly, "you can see me?"
How Many Does It Take...
How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?
How To Please Your IT Department
How to please your IT department.
Osama Bin Liftin'
Osama Bin Liftin'
Buy Two & Receive A Free Fountain Face!
Buy two and receive a Free Fountain Face!
Letter To America
Letter to America
Six Die In Horror Smash
Six Die in Horror Smash.
Australian Banks
Australian Bank Logos.
Better Memory
What do we want? Better memory! When do we want it? Want what?
Ninja Exit
Ninja Exit Only
Corporate Lessons
Corporate lessons.
I Was Going To Make A Joke About A Bank, But Then I Lost Interest…
I was going to make a joke about a bank, but then I lost interest…
Microsoft Car
Microsoft and General Motors on the Automobile.
Only In America...
Only in America…
Stolen Generator
So I heard about the stolen generation…
Doctor Bob Had Sex With One Of His Patients…
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long…
90's Gamer
Everytime I hear people complain about online gaming, I wish they could experience my pain of online gaming in the 90's…
I Scream Cone
I Scream Cone.
Hebrew Cave Paintings
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols…
If Beer Was Like Operating Systems...
If Beer was like Operating Systems…
It Is Such A Drag When Someone In The Group Can't Fly…
It is such a drag when someone in the group can't fly… forcing everybody else to have to ride up the elevator too…
Pull Out & Save
Save up to $600!
But God, She Won't Even Make Me A Sandwich…
But God, She Won't Even Make Me a Sandwich…
Entero Somewhere Elso
English: Do Not Enter Here; Spanish: Entero Somewhere Elso.
Mad Magazine's Boy Grows Up
The boy from Mad Magazine morphing into George Bush.
Using AOL? Mind If We LOL?
Using AOL? Mind if we LOL?
Good Things Are Twice As Good In Cellophane
Good things are twice as good in Cellophane!
U.S. Ship Versus Canadian
U.S. Ship versus Canadian.
The All Blacks Bra
Introducing the New Zealand All Blacks Bra. All the support, but no cup.
LOL For Lunch
Ordering linguini for lunch always boosts morale.
Math Problem
John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?
Amusing Chat
Humour from the world of Internet Chat
Olden Day Slide To Unlock
Slide to unlock: Apple patent #1964022.
Campbell Newman: Public Service: You Can Trust Me
[Campbell Newman laughing] …and then I said to the public service… you can trust me…
Operating System Airlines
Operating System Airlines.
Sometimes I Sit On The Floor And Put My Arms Around My Knees And Lean Forward
Dad: Sometimes I sit on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward. Daughter: Huh? Dad: Cuz that's how I roll!
Stupid Child Efficiency Mop
Stupid Child Efficiency Mop. Wipe high-efficiently.
Slimming Drink
You look so much better after a glass or two!
Cooking Shows
If we watched cooking shows the way guys watch sports.
Square Bike
Surprisingly good riding down stairs… not so good on the flat.
Old Style Birth Control
Old Style Birth Control.
IE Retarded
I hope he doesn't say something retarded…
browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer opera safari
Vintage Skype advert.
France Surrenders To North Korea
France surrenders to North Korea
Will Be President For Food
Boy sitting next to sign "No Campaigning beyond This Point" holding sign "Will Be President for Food".
Assistant Branch Manager
The Branch Manager and the Assistant Branch Manager.
Honked At A Prius
Honked at a Prius, scared the crap out of it.
The Dead Rabbit
The Dead Rabbit, aka The Worst Joke Ever…
CIA Assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin…
Realistic Remotes
Some more useful remote controls we would like to see.
Filthy Hobitses
Filthy Hobitses
Carrot Love
When carrots get kinky…
Fingering A Minor
Fingering A Minor for hours on my bed.
Crayon Gun
A fantastic gun made from many every-day items.
Furniture Training
Furniture training for one of their main purposes in life…
What Smoke Detectors Warn You About
What smoke detectors warn you about.
Piranhas On An Escalator
If I were you, I'd take the stairs…
"Hi Honey. This Is Daddy. Is Mummy Near The Phone?"
Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mummy near the phone?
The Adventures Of TinTin: TinTin In Wynnum
The Adventures of TinTin: TinTin in Wynnum.
Dead Snowmen
Gruesomely dead snowmen.
Kiwi Condoms
Australia runs out of condoms…
Welcome To The USA
The Government where the money's made up and the debt doesn't matter.
Communist Traitor
It looks like you're a Communist traitor…
And I Was All Like, Pew Pew Pew!
And I was all like, pew pew pew! Pew pew pew! 'Merica!
Guts Or Balls?
We've all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
Dunno Mate, Maybe She's Flooded?
Dunno mate, maybe she's flooded?
Nothing To Do
In case of nothing to do, break glass and then sweep up broken glass.
Mum, What's It Like To Have The Greatest Daughter In The World?
Mum, what's it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? I don't know dear… you'll have to ask grandma.
Don't Worry I'm Koalafied To Drive
Don't worry I'm Koalafied to drive.
Police Station Toilet Stolen
Police Station Toilet Stolen… Cops have nothing to go on.
Hearing Aids
Hearing aids…
OCD Bricks
The worst thing that can happen to an OCD person…
Irony: Drawing Trees On Paper
Irony: Drawing trees on paper.
Proof That Not Knowing Everything Is The Best Way To Go
Proof that not knowing everything is the best way to go.
The History Of The World
The History of the World, as written by the next generation…
Crocodile Lion
An interesting dinnertime story…
What Kind Of Sorcery Lets These Two Blocks Be The Same Color?
One is dark, one is light. One is gray, one is white. These are obviously two different blocks with two different colors right? Wrong. The two blocks are the same color.
Secrets To A Happy Marriage
Secrets to a Happy Marriage…
Scientific Breakthrough – Governmentium
A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.
Laminated Room
List of reasons why a room would have to contain a bucket and be almost entirely laminated: 1) Bad reasons.
Explain These Bad Grades
1969: A child's parents blame him for his bad grades. Today: A child's parents blame his teacher for his bad grades.
Just Being A Cat
Dog attacks person. Put dog to sleep. Cat attacks person. LOL, jus' bein' a cat.
The Average Human Body Contains Enough Bones
The average human body contains enough bones to make an entire human skeleton.
Flower Porn
Even flowers do it…
Microsoft Office Suite Pass Key
Does anyone have an extra Microsoft Office suite pass key?
You Hang Around, I'll Go On Ahead
You hang around, I'll go on ahead.
Morning Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning…
Valve's "Portal", As An IPad Decoration.
Valve's "Portal", as an iPad decoration.
Difference Between Men And Women
The difference between men and women…
An IT Student Is Walking Along With His Bike…
An IT student is walking along with his bike…
How To Know When You've Met A Democrat
Just in case you have trouble knowing when you've met a Democrat…
Words Women Use
Words women use, and what they really mean.
Lance Armstrong Fiction Books
All non-fiction Lance Armstrong books including "Lance Armstrong: Images of a Champion", "The Lance Armstrong Peprformance Program" and "Lance Armstrong: World's Greatest Champion" will soon be moved to the fiction section.
Legoland Will Never Be The Same...
Legoland will never be the same…
Kim, Eat A Snickers
Kim Jong-un: I'm going to nuke everyone. Kim, eat a Snickers. Kim: Why? Because you turn into a war mongler when you're hungry. Better? Kim: Better.
Beware Of Cute Duckling Scam
Beware of Cute Duckling Scam…
What Rabbits Do
What rabbits do when humans go out…
24 Chickens
24 Chickens: The shoe rack at the front door…
Womb Service
Hello, Womb Service? I'd like a double order of hot wings…
A Teaser
You must stare very closely at the door in this image for around 30 seconds…
Dangers Of Masturbation
The Dangers of Masturbation.
Positive For Coke
You're fired Jack, the lab results just came back and you tested positive for Coke.
I Tried Pot Once. Now I'm Gay!
I tried pot once. Now I'm gay!
IPad Stone
iPad versus a stone.
Spider's Remember
Remember when you threw a shoe at me and I fell somewhere behind the bed? I remember too.
Ordering Pizza In The Year 2025
Ordering pizza in the year 2025…
Things Don't Really Change
Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
T-Rex Making A Bed
When you're upset just imagine a T-Rex making a bed.
I Can't Believe The "WMD" Trick Is Working Again With Iran
I can't believe the "WMD" trick is working again with Iran. Suckers…
george bush imagery iran political weapons of mass destruction wmd
School kid writing Code on blackboard as punishment.
Go Home Bus, You're Drunk!
Go home bus, you're drunk!
In Case Of Zombies
In case of zombies… or yard work…
Combo Hit: Streetfighter Style
Combo Hit: Streetfighter Style
Play Outside
It's a beautiful day. I really want you to go outside and play.
Kiwi Pig Sheep
Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia…
Test Your Subconscious
This revolutionary test will expose the secret desires from your subconscious…
A Beer Before It Starts
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts"…
Bacon Seed
Bacon seed.
Video Games Ruined My Life
Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more.
Angry Pumpkin Man
Angry Pumpkin Man: Come at me bro!
Sex Maniac
Dear Dr Ruth, I'm writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years…
You Can't Beat Stupid…
I wish they would invent something to keep the sun out of my eyes…
I Have An APP For That!
Steve Jobs, 1955 – 2011.
Don't Grow Up
Don't grow up. It's a trap.
The Atheist & The Bear
The Atheist and the Religious Bear
Jester App
Sorry–you've been replaced by an app…
Sexy Motorbike
I am not too sure what to say about this…
How to RTFM…
How Many Alzheimer's Patients Does It Take?
To get to the other side!
Chris Brown & Rihanna Bananas
I can't believe she didn't press charges. It got worse when he posted the unpeeled photos of her.
Technology For Country Folk
Technology for Country Folk.
Boob Staring
Shirt: Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes.
To Wake Up Gay In The Morning…
To wake up gay in the morning just try this at Bedtime Tonight!
Ancient Egyptians: Posting Cats To Their Walls Since 3150 BC
Ancient Egyptians: Posting cats to their walls since 3150 BC
Saved A Fish From Drowning
Here is a heart warming picture of a little girl that saved a fish from drowning.
The Power Of Oxi-Clean
The Power of Oxi-Clean.
Wireless Networks
Wireless networks could save your life!
Lost Wormhole
Do not attempt capture because you'll totally screw with the space/time continuum bro.
…and So It Was.
It's a Bird! It's a Plane!
How High Are You?
How High Are You? No Officer, it's "Hi, how are you".
Melbourne Cup Cat Horse
Melbourne Cup Cat Horse.
animals australia cats horse racing horses imagery jockeys melbourne cup sport
IPhone 10 – The Tallest IPhone Yet
A mock-up of the iPhone 10, after the launch of the "taller" iPhone5.
Non-stick Frypan
A stuck non-stick frypan…
Seal The Deal
What do you say we go behind this rock and seal the deal?
Sentence Structure: Why Sentence Structure Is Important
Sentence Structure: Why sentence structure is important.
Michael Jackson's Dog
A rather mean impression of what Michael Jackson's dog might look like, if it had similar surgery.
How To Be Black
How to be Black: An Instructional Book.
Have You Seen Pulp Fiction?
Have you seen Pulp Fiction? Yeah, but I didn't like it.
Melt Ice With My Mind
I can melt ice with my mind… just give me a few minutes…
Did You Try Jumping Off The Refrigerator Too?
Did you try jumping off the refrigerator too?
Passive Agressive Hippie
Passive Agressive Hippie: You want a [peace sign] of me?
Forgot I Was Sharing My Screen With Her
I was on an online conference call with a cute sounding girl, and googled her name out of curiosity. Forgot I was sharing my screen with her.
Fire Distinguisher
Fire Distinguisher: Yep, that's fire…
In Wine There Is Truth
In Wine there is Truth. In Beer there is Strength. In Water there is Bacteria.
Premature Ejaculators Anonymous
Man stating he 'came too soon' in front of sign stating 'premature ejaculators anonymous'.
Dear Tech Support
Girlfriend technical support…
American History 101
American History 101
Now Airtight
Now airtight… to prevent aging!
Falling Cows
A roadsign showing a cow falling off a cliff and onto a car.
Imaginary Friend
Aww, how cute. He has an imaginary friend!
Barack Obama: What I Actually Do
Barack Obama: What I actually do.
I'm Not Just Another Brick In The Wall
We don't need no education…
She Made That Clown Extremely Happy
She made that clown extremely happy.
Men Vs. Women
Men versus women…
Please, Dave… Please Don't Let Me Be Locked Out From You!
Please, Dave… please don't let me be locked out from you! For complete feminine hygiene rely on Lysol – a concentrated germ-killer!
Sabrina Projects
Sabrina demonstrates the world's finest projection equipment…
It Looks Like You Are Wasting Office Supplies. Would You Like Some Help?
Clippit: It looks like you are wasting office supplies. Would you like some help?
Sorry For Party Rocking
Sorry for Party Rocking: Driver jumps from burning bus, party bus explodes in Inala.
How Cricket Looks To Most People
How Cricket Looks to Most People.
Too Long
Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you'll never get it! Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you'll never get it!
If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put A Pin On It
If you like it then you shoulda put a pin on it!
Windows: File Missing
Windows cannot find the file. Would you like some wine instead?
Finding Information In Hospital
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital…
Something Went Terribly Wrong
Something, somewhere went terribly wrong.
The Ego Boost Urinal
The Ego Boost Urinal.
Michelangelo: The Re-enactment
A re-enactment of Michelangelo's famous "The Creation of Adam".
art imagery michelangelo paintings reenactment sistine chapel
How Mother And Baby "Picked Up"
Blatz Beer: How Mother and Baby "Picked Up".
Alien blood transfusions are illegal for ghosts, but beach chickens win!
Amusing Quotes & One-Liners
Amusing Quotes & One-Liners.
Proposing With An Onion
Proposing with an onion: Guaranteed to cry.
Hands In The Air!
Hands in the air! Now wave them around like you just don't care!
Don't Copy If You Can't Paste
Don't copy if you can't paste…
Tomorrow (noun)
Tomorrow (noun): a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.
Breathe Right
Darth Vader going for some Breathe Right.
A Dog Named Stay
I bought a dog once. Named him 'Stay'…
The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake
The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake: We will rebuild.
If Chinese People Tattooed Lame English Words On Themselves…
If Chinese people tattooed lame English words on themselves…
3 Years In Jail For Stealing My Nose
3 years in jail for stealing my nose!
Angry Birds
Angry Birds attend Anger Management.
Balloons Are So Weird…
Balloons are so weird… "Happy Birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath"
I See What You Did There
I see what you did there… also, over here…
Titanic Ice Bucket Challenge
Titanic ALS Ice Bucket Challenge: "I accept your ice water challenge".
Perfect Riddle
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met…
Nothing Is Written In Stone
Nothing is Written in Stone…
How Did You Get In My House?
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need. Not all this "How did you get in my house?" business.
Computer Quotes
Computer quotes.
Effective Birth Control
The most effective birth control method known to man.
How To Change Your Oil
How to Change your Oil: A guide for men & women…
What Are We? Browsers!
What are we? Browsers! What do we want? More speed! And when do we want it? Right now!
browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer
A Cat With A Lion's Mane Hat
A cat with a lion's mane hat.
Abbott And Costello Go To Washington
Abbott And Costello Go To Washington.
The Last Known Picture Taken Of Grandpa
A woman inadvertently points a gun towards a man.
Horton Hears The Who
Horton Hears the Who
Mario: Happy
Quit your day job and do what makes you happy.
Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft
Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft…
Fingers Move
I think you're spending too much time on the computer. Your fingers move when you talk…
101 Things You Do Not Want...
101 Things You Do Not Want Your System Administrator to say.
Hidden Giraffe
If you stare at this picture long enough you should be able to see a giraffe…
Illogical Lego
Illogical Lego.
Speed Reader
Wow you read that fast! You must be a speed reader!
A Mosquito With A Helmet
Mosquitos flying towards a car.
Letter To A Mother / School Report
It is with great happiness that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend…
Wong Fook Hing Book Store
If you cannot find the book that you are looking for, then you're obviously in the… Wong Fook Hing Book Store!
The Modern Day Romantic
Goodnight my beautiful girl I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much <3
This Guy's An Idiot! Quick, Take A Picture!
This guy's an idiot! Quick, take a picture!
Stop Surfing The Internet And Just Go To Bed
Holy crap! Look how late it is! Why do I always do this? Why is it so hard to stop surfing the internet and just go to bed?
Freshly Washed Ballerinas
Freshly washed ballerinas.
It's A-me, Mario!
Mario emerging from a drainpipe.
You You Read The First Line Wrong?
What if I told you you read the first line wrong?
Eminem Drug Bust
Eminem Drug Bust.
Perfect Existence
Perfect Existence: The Proof
My Pet Rock Ran Away
My Pet Rock Ran Away…
The Way Girls Play Computer Games
The way girls play computer games.
Nokia Versus The IPhone
The strongest phones ever!
Always Wear Underwear
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle…
A message to the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
america britain political queen elizabeth ii queens racist royalty
A Shaved Llama
A shaved Llama
Make Some More Mistakes
I've learned so much from my mistakes… I'm thinking of making a few more.
A Wee Turtle
A wee turtle…
Kristen Stewart Smiles
I don't always smile, but when I do, I don't.
hunger games imagery katniss everdeen kristen stewart movies movie stars smiling twilight
Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven
Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven: It doesn't have any wall or fence…
apple bill gates computers heaven imagery microsoft phones religious steve jobs windows
Antique Tables
Made Daily…
General Hierarchical Management Structure
I've never seen a Flow Chart described so clearly.
Hello Kitty
It's sickeningly cute. Perhaps literally if its expression is anything to go by…
Not A Happy Camper
Not a Happy Camper.
No Pony For Christmas
No pony for Christmas? No window for driving!
Future Man
So you're saying people will "tweet" what they're eating for breakfast?
An Angry Child
If she doesn't put me down in about two seconds, I will be forced to use my fist!
Mars Vs. Venus
Mars versus Venus…
I Will Deprive You Of Sex
I will deprive you of sex all night with my crying and then suck on your wife's tits in the morning.
Times Have Changed
An image from an operating manual for the SAGE air defense system
Dealing With Hunger Pangs
A woman asks her partner at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs a slice of toast and, maybe, some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
Hard To Pay Fine
Touching wires causes instant death…
Israeli Settlers
Of course we want peace–this piece and this piece and this piece and this piece…
Girlfriends: Harry Potter Versus Twilight
Ginny: When Harry broke up with me for my safety…
Unprepared For An Exam
Ever gone into an exam having not studied at all?
Milkshake Meets Door
A woman runs into a door carrying two milkshakes.
Physical Fitness
This department requires no physical fitness program.
Dream Girl
Girl on beach with six breasts.
Otter Nonsense
I've had it up to here with your otter nonsense…
Australian Kiss
Australian Kiss: same as a French Kiss… but down under.
Colgate Dental Floss Advertising Campaign
Colgate have created an ingenious campaign to promote their dental floss.
Appealing Attire
I find this attire… appeeling.
Super Boner
Super-boner: A super problem.
What Is A Word Made Up Of 4 Letters Yet Is Also Made Up Of 3
What is a word made up of 4 letters yet is also made up of 3. Although is written with 8 letters, and then with 4. Rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5.
Pass With Care
Pass with care…
Speed Camera Hack
Car with SQL injection taped to the front.
Shark! What?
Shark! What?
The Seal Of Approval
The Seal of Approval…
Steady Hand – The Results
Steady Hand – The Results (or what happens when you play Steady Hand)
Where Is Amanda's Husband?
Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John…
Diary Of An AOL Luser
Diary of an AOL Luser.
Marriage Secrets Of Highly Successful Couples
Marriage secrets of highly successful couples.
A Little Hand
I wish you could give me a little hand…
Don't Let Kevin Bacon Die
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have No Cash, No Hope and No Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.
A Lemur Who Has Discovered The Wondrousness Of Cupcakes For The Fist Time.
A lemur who has discovered the wondrousness of cupcakes for the fist time.
Afterburn - Whom Do You See?
Relax and concentrate on the four small dots in the middle of the picture…
Halloween Squirrel
A squirrel got its head stuck in a Halloween decoration and terrified a neighbourhood…
Women: Yes, No, Maybe…
I think I have that women-talk all figured out…
I Love My BSOD
Perhaps the only blue screen of death geeks would be happy to see.
boobs bsod computers fashion geeky imagery microsoft sexist shirts windows women
Boat! Land!
Boat! Land!
Adobe Updates
I don't always have an update…
Achilles' Heel
You got a dog?! Yup! His name is Achilles…
Redneck Ingenuity
Redneck Ingenuity: Shoes for tyres.
Before And After...
Before and after marriage…
Insert Disk Two
Please insert disk two.
Just Some Bunny That I Used To Know
Now you're just some bunny that I used to know.
The Deadly Facts About Water
The Deadly Facts about Water
Seize The Day
Seize The Day: Sign up for the Epilepsy Awareness Walk.
Patent Infringement
Eating Fruit…
Men Are Happier
Men are Happier: What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Men's Rules
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side…
Random Number
A simple function to return a random number.
Australia And Mateship
Mateship amongst Men & Women: The differences…
Elephant Upskirt
Elephant Upskirt.
Call Of Duty: Women's Edition
Call of Duty: Women's Edition.
Our Education System
[To an assorted group of animals] Our Education System: For a fair selection everybody has to take the same exam: Please climb that tree.
animals dogs education elephants exams fish imagery monkeys penguins school seals
Granny LSD
Boy asks his Granny, "Have you seen my pills labelled 'LSD'?"
DBA/SQL Humour
An SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and asks, "May I join you?"
Where She Belongs
Keep her where she belongs…
Free Puppy
Free puppy…
Windows. Still the most used operating system, and undoubtedly the most abused.
Speed Camera
Speed camera revenge…
American Nun
A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from two MPs…
Seven Sharks
If you own 7 cats then people will think you're crazy…
Unicorn, Unitard, Unicycle
Unicorn in a unitard on a unicycle.
May The 4th Be With You
If today is "May the 4th be with you" does that mean tomorrow is "revenge of the 5th?"
Draw Fake Eyebrows On Your Baby
Draw fake eyebrows on your baby. Then sit back and enjoy the humour.
Your Child Is Being Eaten By A Camel
Your child is being eaten by a camel. Do you… a) Save your child, or b) Take a photo?
Wrong Button
Fighter jet hits the wrong button.
Save Paper
Save paper…
This Banana Tastes Funny
"This banana tastes funny" – George Bush.
Do Not Consume If Seal Is Broken!
Do not consume if seal is broken!
You Know You Are Having A Bad Day When…
You know you are having a bad day when…
Escape From The Kitchen
You thought you could escape from the kitchen didn't you?
Complimentary Pretzels
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."
Twelve Or Thirteen?
Wait until the group changes position. Is it twelve or thirteen?
Kangaroo Kicks Boy
A kangaroo kicks an unsuspecting boy into a dam while an emu strolls past.
The World's Funniest Joke
The World's Funniest Joke…
Fire Extinguisher Fire
Fire Extinguisher Fire: What do you do now?
Honesty: Your Greatest Weakness
Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
Look, Sir. Droids!
These are not the droids you are looking for.
How To Eat Pussy…
How to eat pussy…
There Are Two Rules For Success
There are two rules for success: Never reveal everything you know…
Athens Olympic Soccer Stadium
The Athens Olympic Stadium…
Water Enhanced Breasts
Water Enhanced Breasts…
Flying Ants
How ants began to fly…
Row Row Row Your Boat
Row row row your boat. Shut up Carl.
Wurst Nightmare
Hi. I'm your wurst nightmare.
Spider Dog
Spider Dog…
MSN Shuts Down
We reminisce about "the good old days" of MSN…
Just Checking
"Just doing a spot-check to see what you're doing… Yup, sitting at your computer again!" The expression on this ostrich's face is excellent.
How To Make Money From Facebook
How to make money from facebook: 1) just go to "Account Settings"; 2) Press "Deactivate your account"; 3) Go to work.
Two Person Optical Illusion
Optical illusion: Keep your eyes on the cross, and see what happens.
Hide Yo Kids!
Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!
Little Green Balls Of Death
Little Green Balls of Death
Super Batman
The Super Batman back pack, exclusive from China!
Please Use Tongue.
Do not touch bread with hands. Please use tongue.
Have a little look at the Internet…
Free Tattoo Removal
Free (and perhaps painful) tattoo removal.
Moronic Email Scam
Nigerian spam…
Helpful Hints
Helpful Hints
Ginger Versus Strawberry Blonde
This is a strawberry. This is ginger…
Brisbane, GTA Style
Queen Street Mall, Brisbane, GTA Style.
australia brisbane computer games explosions guns imagery police
A Young Brunette Goes To The Doctor...
A young brunette goes to the doctor…
Out Of Breath
Dispatcher: Emergency Services, how may I help you?
Message From Your IT Deptartment
Message from your IT Deptartment…
Do You Ever Get So Angry…
Do you ever get so angry… you throw a VCR at a burning bus?
Peanut Delivery
Peanut Delivery…
The Best Photo Caption
A western woman in Africa—presumably a tourist—squats to go to the toilet in the bush, pants down, toilet paper in hand, her backpack in the grass nearby; unaware a lion is sneaking up behind her. Captioned "if she hasn't… she will soon".
American Measures
American Measures: An Arbitrary Retarded Rollercoaster
Keep Your Mouth Shut
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!
You Have A Nice… Business Card
A business card: "You have a nice… {day, ass, attitude}.
Santa's Stressful Christmas
Santa's Stressful Christmas
John's Weather Forecasting Stone
One of the most reliable ways of forecasting…
Draw Bridge
A man drawing a bridge at a "draw bridge" sign.
The Bank Account Gas Ratio
The depressing ratio between your bank account, and your gas tank.
Banana Phone
It's a banana phone…
How To Get A Day Off Work
How to get time off in the public service…
Piracy Is Not Theft
Imagine your car gets stolen, but it's still there in the morning.
Va-Rice-Ity: My Man Likes Something Unexpected…
My man likes something unexpected now and then. That's why I serve him rice.
Misleading The Public
$100 for speeding and $250 for misleading the public…
Browsers: Their Differences
The differences between the major web browsers.
browsers chrome firefox imagery internet explorer opera safari
The Evolution Of Man And Woman
The Evolution of Man & Woman…
Winter Classes For Men
Winter Classes for Men at the Learning Centre for Adults
Thinking Outside The Square
A sideways television.
Kevin Rudd's Ego
Kevin Rudd's Ego.
Times Change
…but other things don't.
Blonde Betting
A very attractive blonde woman arrived at a Vegas casino…
What Would Robots From The 1960's…
What would robots from 1960's and 1970's TV say today with current software installed?
When A Woman Says "what?"
When a woman says "what?", it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
The Perfect Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password…
How The Hell Is The Ball Still In Your Hand?
How the hell is the ball still in your hand?
Bogan Bass
Bogan Bass: Yet somehow still better than Beats by Dr Dre.
Angela Merkel Arrives At Passport Control At Paris Airport…
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport. "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."
She Might Scratch The Paint
I know what you're thinking… she might scratch the paint.
Apostrophe, Catastrophe
Apostrophe, Catastrophe.
Your There
They're they are.
Dangerous Australia
It's no wonder we all live here…
In Capitalist America…
Bank robs you!
Mating Bulls
A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls…
Lost Phone
A man sends SMS from a lost phone…
Peeing: Expert Mode
Peeing: Expert Mode
What Is A Sonofabitch?
What is a sonofab*tch, exactly?
Whenever I Have To Force Shutdown
Whenever I have to force shutdown.
Red Bull Gives You Wings
Red Bull Gives You Wings.
When Someone Yells "STOP"…
When someone yells "STOP", I never know if it's in the name of love, it's Hammertime, or I should collaborate and listen…
Long Dogs
A man walking two long dogs meets a man walking two normal dogs…
Happy Pussy
A collection of amusing cat pictures.
There Was A Spider, I Panicked
There was a spider, I panicked. But I think it's gone now.
Scary Campfire Stories: Book Style
And then… after they had ripped out half of her pages… they turned her… into a movie!
There Are Three Kinds Of People: Impatient, Patient, And Rich.
There are three kinds of people: Impatient, patient, and rich.
You'll Never Be As Happy As This Turtle
You'll never be as happy as this turtle.
Support Bras
Supportive support bras…
Adult Dog Store
A dog carries an inflatable leg from an Adult Dog Store.
Cocaine Toothache Drops
Cocaine Toothache Drops: Instantaneous Cure! 15¢.
IDK LY TTYL: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.
"Understanding Women" Now Available In Paperback
The book "Understanding Women" is now available in paperback!
Scrabble Jokes
I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles… My next dump could spell disaster.
The Second Amendment: The Right To Bear Arms
The second amendment gives Americans the right to bear arms. I think many have taken this out of context.
america bear arms constitution democracy imagery second amendment
How To Pick Up Chicks
Instructional guide on how to pick up chicks.
More Expressions Than Kristen Stewart
Still more expressions than Kristen Stewart.
I Used To Smile… Until I Worked Retail.
I used to smile… until I worked retail.
Cling-wrap Fun
Cling-wrap fun.
CPR Diagram
You're next!
Why Parents Drink
Why parents drink.
Giraffe Egg
Giraffe Egg.
Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter
The Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter…
A BMW Donkey
A BMW donkey. Not much more to be said really.
Pregnancy & Women: Questions
Pregnancy & Women: Frequently Asked Questions
Sharks Are A Lot Friendlier Without Pointy Teeth
Went to the moon, took 5 photos. Went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.
Dear Justin Bieber Haters
I owe my life to Justin Bieber…
Trannysaurus: You're fired.
100 Guidelines On Becoming An Evil Villain
World domination is everyone's dream. It's not a bad job really…
Seek And Find You…
I shall seek and find you…
I See Dumb People
I see dumb people… They are everywhere!
Don't Fall For This
The CIA is trying to steal my…
How Dishwashers Really Work
How dishwashers really work…
Facebook Farm
A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm…
Monopoly Money For Fake Boobs
I think it's only fair to throw monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.
Be Bold
Be bold or italic. Never regular.
Australian Monopoly
Australian Monopoly: St Marys to Penrith Special Edition.
Chat Rooms
Chat Rooms – you never really know.
Beware The Grapes Of Wrath
Beware the Grapes of Wrath.
I'm Awkward When People Compliment Me…
I'm awkward when people compliment me… "Nice hair" Me: "Thanks, I grew it myself"
What's The Main Reason For Motorbike Accidents In Jamaica?
What's the main reason for motorbike accidents in Jamaica?
Wingardium Levi-horse-a
Wingardium levi-horse-a!
Drafting Guys Over 60
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
North Korea: I Will Destroy America
North Korea: I will destroy America! Obama: Too late!
Windows Frozen
Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning, "Windows frozen."
Men Are Like...
Men are like…
Hot Air Balloons
Hot Air Balloons - Boring 99% of the time.
Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage
An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine…
I Usually Get 9/11
I don't always get rated on my terrorism attacks, but when I do, I usually get 9/11.
The Mystery Of The Mayan Calendar Revealed
At last, the mystery of the Mayan calendar revealed.
america calendars imagery mayans obama political predictions
I Love You Zebra
Bite marks are love notes written in flesh. I love you zebra.
Disclaimer, Copyright & Contact Information
Feel free to send me anything you think might amuse me.
Phone Tails
That's right dear, our ancestors had tails.
Trapped Miners
The first photo of the trapped miners…
Ball-type Deodorant
Her: Is it the ball-type deodorant you want sir? Him: Oh no miss – it's for under my arms!
You Look Fine
Instead of a mirror, a sign "you look fine".
The Street Is Closed
Oh no—we're trapped in here. The street is closed.
Toilet Paper
A piece of toilet paper saving another piece…
BSOD: Blue Screen Of Death
The dreaded blue screen of death…
Aboriginal Eggs
Two Aboriginal lads are riding along the Hume Highway on a motorbike…
Zombie Evolution
The evolution of Zombies
Cat: The Dog Went Missing
Cat: The dog went missing? Hahaha! Hahaha! I'm sorry human. Hahaha… no seriously, I'm so sad…
Man & Elephant
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University…
Why Do Java Developers Wear Glasses?
Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#!
No Public Motor Boating Permitted
No public motor boating permitted.
Zombies! Oh, wait… false alarm, it's just the Rolling Stones… carry on!
Batman Downsized
Batman forced to downsize with increase in petrol prices…
Australian Condoms
New Zealand runs out of condoms…
Microphone Eyes
Microphone Eyes.
Amazing Hidden Images
Amazing Hidden Images!
Aboriginal Jobs
At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Aboriginal bloke…
What to do when you're locked inside your car, and the keys are outside…
Drowning, LOL!
If you see someone drowning… LOL!
Slide To Unlock
A woman wearing a shirt: Slide to Unlock.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
Anarchy In The UK
Would you like some tea?
Suicidal Bananas
A collection of suicidal bananas.
L33t H4x0r R0m30 4nd Jul13t
Tales for the L33T - ROMEO+JULIET
Temptation, by a soon to be married man.
L33t H4x0r H4ml37
Tales for the L33T PATR TOO - HAMLET
Rhino Painting
A rhinoceros painting…
Child Beating
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama…
Get In The Banana
No time to explain. Get in the banana!
Facebook Illusion
Facebook: Providing the illusion you have friends since 2004!
Woman With PMS
Woman with PMS.
Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.
I'm So Sick Of Not Being Understood!
I'm so sick of not being understood! What do you mean?
Aerodynamics Simplified
How planes fly.
Confused Carpentry
A Carpenter's Nightmare.
Mayan Joke Set-Up
Heh… I've just thought of a joke with the longest set-up ever! Cool! I'll fetch a scribe…
Why Men Die Before Women
Why men die before women.
Read Your Book Case
A bookcase worth reading.
Gamers: The Mentality
Objects in mirror are losing.
Caution: Door May Open
Caution: Door May Open.
Time Breakdown Of Modern Web Design
The breakdown of modern web design.
Yoga Emergency Hotline
Yoga Emergency Hotline, how may I help you?
Cannot Find The Damn File
Cannot find the damn file…
Success Is Not Always What You See
Success is not always what you see…
The Day Einstein Feared
The day that Einstein feared may have finally arrived.
Costello's Reward For Being Loyal
Costello's reward for being loyal…
I Think It Is Just Terrible And Disgusting How Everyone Has Treated Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
Firefox Has Encountered…
…an unexpected problem with Windows.
Woman With A Cold
The difference between men & women when they are sick.
The Park Anywhere Button
Self-explanatory really.
The Mayan Calendar
I only had enough room to go up to 2012…
Breakfast Alive
What happens if you wait too long before eating your breakfast?
Papercut Locator
Papercut Locator.
I'd Rather Break My Arms Than Take Two Trips
I'd rather break my arms than take two trips.
Cook – That's What Wives Are For!
The Chef does everything but cook – that's what wives are for!
Thrown Out Of The Ring
Thrown out of the Ring.
Reverse Mermaid
You are alone on an uninhabited island. Which of these would you choose as your companion?
Brace Yourself. Pizza Is Coming.
Brace Yourself. Pizza is coming.
Acrobat Reader
An acrobat reader…
Something Wrong Officer?
Something wrong officer?
Home Mechanics
Home Mechanics and their cars.
Mini Cooper
A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce…
I Wonder What I Would Look Like With A Six Pack?
I wonder what I would look like with a six pack? Ahh, much better!
First Time Seeing Fireworks
A baby sees fireworks for the first time.
Dear Abby, I've Never Written To You Before…
Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision…
Chance Of Keeping Your Job If You're Wrong More Than 75% Of The Time
Chance of keeping your job if you're wrong more than 75% of the time.
News Headlines
Amusing news headlines
All This Technology Is Making Us Antisocial
All this technology is making us antisocial: A tram full of people ignoring each other and reading the newspaper.
Martha Stewart's New Digs
Martha Stewart's New Digs
It's Just One Of Those Days
A baby elephant falls in the mud.
Already Exists
skdjaskdhsajdahsdjashds.jpg already exists. Do you want to replace it? You've got to be kidding me.
Jelly Orgy
A jelly orgy.
I Love The Smell Of Pixel In The Morning
I Love the Smell of Pixel in the Morning…
What Is The Smallest Calibre You Trust To Protect Yourself?
I remember one time while hiking with my girlfriend in northern Alberta and out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us, and was she mad!
Escape Egg
Counting down the days to escape…
Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes
Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes.
EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)
The EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)
I stay up late every night, and realise it's a bad idea every morning.
Politically Correct Primer
A politically correct primer.
Notice is hereby given…
Ladies Beach Volleyball
Just been watching Ladies Beach Volleyball, and there's already been a wrist injury… but I should be OK by Friday.
Oh Look, A Penny
Oh look, a penny!
I Found This Humerus
I found this humerus.
Congress: Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?
Congress: have you tried turning it off and on again?
Talking Clock
Why, that's my Talking Clock…
Browser Wars
Browser Wars: Chrome versus Firefox… and Internet Explorer…
browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer
Can Your Mac Do This?
Can your Mac do this? I don't think so…
Car Alarms
Car alarms: They piss me off!
What If The Beatles Had Been Computer Freaks?
What if the Beatles had been computer freaks?
Banana Hat
Banana hat…
Comments & Other Similar Social Data
Comments, Facebook Open Graph, & Other Similar Social Data.
Orders From A Rock
[On a rock] Turn me over. You just took orders from a rock.
Alcohol Research
Bum holding sign "Need Cash for Alcohol Research".
Major Tom's Ground Control
Major Tom's Ground Control Lawn and Garden Management.
Driver Is Fully Naked
Driver carries less than $50 cash and is fully naked.
Garage Door Covers
Amusing garage door covers
How To Argue With A Woman
A flowchart.
Well, I Guess We'll Beheading Home Now
Well, I guess we'll beheading home now…
Schrödinger's Cat
Wanted: Dead & Alive…
Black Jack Black
Black Jack Black eating Cracker Jack playing a black jack while playing BlackJack with Jack Black who is threatening Black Jack Black with a Black Jack.
Charlie Sheen For Halloween
No, you can't be Charlie Sheen for Halloween.
You Matter
You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass… you matter.
You Never Listen To Me…
You never listen to me! You only hear what you want to hear!
Spring Is Here. I'm So Excited I Wet My Plants!
Spring is here. I'm so excited I wet my plants!
The World's Shortest Books
The World's Shortest Books
Abercrombie & Cat
Abercrombie & Cat
To Punch A Dolphin In The Mouth
5 very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth.
He's Gonna Upgrade Your Tablets…
Moses, meet Steve. He's gonna upgrade your tablets…
The Ant And The Grasshopper
The Original Story of the Ant and the Grasshopper.
Unusual EBay Feedback
A+++! Would read this amusing page again…
Sideways Car
It's a little confusing…
Anyways, Best Of Luck Finding Your Fish
Long story short, we're in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish.
Animated Coffee
Coffee with emotion.
Irish Girl Sunbathing
An Irish girl sunbathes…
Rejection Response
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following…
Patriotic Retirement Plan
Ms Gillard's Patriotic Retirement Plan.
I'll Be Bag
A bag titled "I'll Be Bag"
Executive Test
The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional"…
Procrastination Issues
I'm taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
How To Fix Any Computer
A comprehensive guide to fixing any computer.
Mickey Mouse
One day, Mickey Mouse decided that he wanted a divorce…
Medical Marijuana
What disease is your medical marijuana relieving?
Reese Witherspoon
Reese Withoutherspoon.
Today Is Sunday
Attention! Today is Sunday. Share this on your Facebook wall. Within seven days you'll get another Sunday…
Your Computer Is Broadcasting Your IP...
Your computer is broadcasting your IP over the Internet…
An Atheist, A Jew, And A Christian Walk Into A Bar…
An atheist, a Jew, and a Christian walk into a bar…
NSW Playing Economically: 2 Punches Per Gallen.
NSW playing economically. 2 punches per Gallen.
Ten Things Men Know About Women
Ten things men know about women…
You Have Two Cows
The eponymous cows is used to demonstrate the advantages and flaws of certain economic systems.
america animals australia britain cows india irish political
Winter Knitting
What are you going to knit this winter?
Self Referencing Homework
What has been your greatest accomplishment so far?
Iron Man Competition
Ironman Competition - the way it should be…
Can February March? No, But April May.
Can February March? No, but April May.
Isn't It Time You Gave Yourself A Christmas Gift?
Isn't it time you gave yourself a Christmas Gift?
Make Your Own Apple Laptop
Make your own Apple laptop the cheap—and healthy—way!
Cables Exist In 4-dimensional Space
Proof cables exist in 4-dimensional space.
Most Dangerous Animals
How people in the colonies are still alive is beyond me…
alligators america animals australia bears birds crocodiles europe imagery moose puma rabbits sharks snakes spiders
American State Mottos
American State Mottos…
Psychiatric Answering Machine
A Psychiatric Office Answering Machine.
Meth: Before & After
Meth: Before & After (or R2-D2 versus R2-FU).
Children Painting
Two children, half a room and a TV covered in white paint.
Mayans Predicting The Future
Calm down… If the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.
The New IPhone 5C With IOS 7
The new iPhone 5C with IOS 7.
Having More Money Doesn't Make You Happier
"Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million"
Simple Eye Examination Test
A simple eye examination chart.
Spellcheck Not Needed
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy…
Pooh Everywhere
Watch your step, there's pooh everywhere!
I Have A Cannon
You have a Nikon? I have a Cannon.
Will Not Load Fully
This picture will not load fully!
Calm Living
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
Delete Cookies
Delete cookies?!
Attention Deficit Disorder
Ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. A dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. Hi.
A Dog Dies: Can I Have Chocolate?
A dog dies and finds out chocolate killed him.
Grow Some Balls
Why do people say 'grow some balls'?
Keith Urban Accepted As Genuine Humanoid
Clint Felmingham: Did you know? Keith Urban is accepted by many Americans as a genuine humanoid/musician. Urban, a polymer composite (90% polyethene, 8% alcohol, 2% minor celebrity), was manufactured in Caboolture, Australia in 1987..
Aboriginal Spongebob Spotted In Cairns
Aboriginal Spongebob spotted in Cairns.
The Australian Constitution: For Iraq
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq…
They See Us Rollin'
They See Us Rollin'… We Aren't…
Human Hotfix
Hotfix Patch for Humans released.
Usain Bold, Usain Italic
Usain Bolt: Usain Bold, Usain Italic.
The Monday Punch
The Monday Punch: A man punched in the face.
Little Kid Lover
I'm signing up for an online dating service. I just need to pick a username. "Little Kid Lover", that way people will know where my priorities are at.
Bitches Be Trippin'
Bitches be trippin'
Roast Turkey With A Doll Head
I was watching TV when I head my Dad in the kitchen laughing to himself. When I got up to see what he was doing, I walked in on this…
Step Ladder
The Troubles of Being a Step Ladder…
Engineering Flowchart
Nothing duct tape and WD-40 can't fix…
Statistics That Matter: The Pie Chart
A new take on the traditional pie… chart.
Adopted Baby
Dude, I'm joking, you are not adopted!
The Loving Husband
A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him…
Sorry: A Bus Accident
Sorry: A Bus Accident
Polished My Car Too Much
Polished my car too much, now it's invisible…
A Cow Getting A Back Scratch
A cow getting a back scratch.
25 Year Old Escort
But Mr. Berlusconi, you said, "Send a 25 years old escort to my villa!"
Give A Man A Fish And He Has Food For A Day
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers and six-packs.
The Fellowship Of The Ring
The Fellowship of the Ring.
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
Genetics - Why women live longer than men.
How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Minecraft: Create A Simple Door
Describe a process that could be used to create a simple door.
computer games education games imagery internet minecraft school tests
Vote Odin
The left wing said they'd abolish poverty; right wing said they'd abolish bureaucracy. Odin said he'd abolish ice giants. Where are the ice giants? Vote Odin!
Has One Night Stand
Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.
Bob Hawke's Yard Of Ale
While at university at Oxford in 1963, Bob Hawke, former Prime Minister of Australia, entered the Guinness Book of Records here at the Turf Tavern after downing a yard of ale (that's just over 2½ pints!) in just 11 seconds.
Evolution: Stop Following Me!
The typical "evolution of man" poster, except the man is facing his "earlier ancestors" saying "Stop following me!"
The Winner Of The "Not My Job" Award
The Winner of the "Not My Job" Award goes to…
Kiwi Air Disaster
New Zealand's worst air disaster occurred earlier today…
Are Those Yours?
…they're turning out so big and cute!
The Circle Of Life
The Circle of Life: Who is afraid of who?
No Science In This Microwave
Food only. Absolutely no science in this microwave.
Jack's Phone
Why aren't you answering…?
Comforting A Grammar Nazi
When comforting a grammar nazi, I always say softly, "there, their, they're"
I Have CDO. It's Like OCD But All The Letters Are In Alphabetical Order.
I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.
Bush And The Queen
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen…
Blind Pilots
You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die…
Walked Into A Public Bathroom
Walked into a public bathroom. Saw this and heard "hello?"
Bankruptcy, Divorce, Liquor
Bankruptcy, Divorce, Liquor.
Worst game ever.
Fight Apathy
…or don't.
Get In The Llama
No time to explain! Get in the llama…
Men & Women In Sport
Women: No problem girls… I can go on. Men: Ahhhh! I'm dying.
A Baby's Laughter Is One Of The Most Beautiful Sounds You'll Ever Hear
A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you'll ever hear. Unless it's 3 AM, you're home alone, and you don't have a baby.
Spring Is Just Around The Corner
Finally… Spring is just around the corner.
If Penguins Have Knees
3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep (the other wants to know if penguins have knees!)
Bitches & Hose
Having so much fun…
Hey, Bug On My Back…
Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite? I mite be. Stupidest pun I ever heard…
A Love Story With A Happy Ending
Once upon a time, a bloke asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
Problem Solving Flowchart
A simple, and humorous, flowchart that successfully troubleshoots almost any problem you can think of.
An Irish Daughter Had Not Been To Her Parent's House For Over Five Years...
An Irish daughter had not been to her parent's house for over five years…
New Year's Resolutions – Again
New Year's Resolutions – Again
Unix Commands
Amusing UNIX commands.
Master Has Presented Dobby With Clothes! Dobby Is Free!
Well I'm grounded. WTF did you do this time? My Mum asked me to do the laundry and threw a sock at me… I ran away screaming "Master has presented Dobby with clothes! Dobby is free!"
Horse Whisperer
A very amusing workplace complaint.
Creative Apple MacBook Stickers
A collection of creative Apple MacBook stickers & decals.
apple computers decals imagery laptops mac macbook stickers technology
The Lion King: Proof At Last
Pumbaa & Timon…
Hinton's "Lilac Chaser"
The Dotty Illusion…
Ferrari Sack Pit Crew
The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday…
New Seatbelt Design: 45% Less Car Accidents!
A man driving a car while a woman sits beside him, with her seatbelt across her mouth, preventing her from commenting.
Beer Troubleshooting Chart
Beer Troubleshooting Chart.
Thanks God
God and the Rubiks Cube…
Men Are Better Than Women!
Indoors, women are useful — even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don't go hauling them up a cliff…
XBOX Girlfriend
A real girlfriend does not complain when her boyfriend is on his xbox…
Toast Toasts Toast?
If guns don't kill people, people kill people, does that mean…
Misspelt Blog Post
You wouldn't think anyone reads my blog. I haven't got a comment in weeks. Misspell something…
Hillary Clinton Goes To Her Doctor For A Physical…
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical…
I'll Just Be A Stripper.
Screw this: I'll just be a stripper.
How People In Science See Each Other
How People in Science See Each Other.
Let's Go For A Drink…
Goldstar Beer Ads: What goes through the mind of men and women when they're asked to go for a drink…
The Girls Are Talking About Tampons
The Blonde: It's invisible sanitary protection, thank heavens…
advertising feminine hygiene imagery risqué sexist tampons vintage
Men Have Feelings Too!
Men have feelings too! For example, we feel hungry.
Missed You...
Image of a soldier pointing a gun towards the camera with caption "When you first left, I missed you badly… I WONT THIS TIME"
So We Got Pugsy A New Chew Toy…
So we got Pugsy a new chew toy…
Wireless Technology
"It is a bit freaky with this wireless technology"
Dog Decides Better Driver
My wife believes she is a better driver. I let our dog decide.
Holiday Workout
Holiday Workout: Three corkscrews.
Women's Monopoly
By a man…
Husband Glasses
I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing things my way.
Network Truths
The Twelve Networking Truths.
Where Was I Before I Was So Rudely Interrupted?
[Kevin Rudd] Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?
"I may have alzheimer's, but at least I don't have alzheimer's"
Mailman Jumped 15 Feet
Mailman jumped 15 feet. Dog was right. This is fun.
The Angry/Calm Illusion
The Angry/Calm Illusion.
The Correct Way To Spell Potato
The correct way to spell potato is "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU".
Lesson Of The Day
You should never do anything wrong, it will catch up with you…
Tarzan Sex
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex…
Chocolate Pudding
It's four o'clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
I Think I Might Stay Home Tonight…
I think I might stay home tonight… Liver and Wallet like this.
A Ship Shipping Ship Shipping Shipping Ships.
A ship shipping ship shipping shipping ships.
What Women Want
Who are we? Women! What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? NOW!
Angry Birds Australia
Angry Birds Australia…
I Wish These Were Brains
Sexist, but contains breasts…
Geek Meditation Session
In your mind's browser, clear your cache… now delete your history… now navigate to a blank web page…
Aussie Men
Aussie men… struggling with the booze…
Seal This Opening
I was told to seal this opening, so here I am.
Easter Bunnies
Chocolate Easter Bunnies: My butt hurts! What?
I Run With Scissors
I run with scissors: It makes me feel dangerous.
How Could You Be So Insensitive?
How Could You Be So Insensitive? This is what it looks like from the other person's perspective.
Girl's And Boy's Diaries
A girl and a boy and their diaries…
Oh… Hi… Umm… Meow?
Oh… hi… Umm… meow?
If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer
If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer.
Group Therapy
…is not going to make Q any less of a hated letter.
Bribing Santa
Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.
Emergency Bridge Repair Team
Duct Tape: Good for anything.
Tired? Powernap Now.
Tired? Powernap now.
CIA: We Put The Coke In America
CIA: we put the coke in America.
Cybersex How-Not-To
Cybersex how it should not be…
**** I Forgot To Turn Off The Oven
**** I forgot to turn off the oven.
The Most Difficult Thing To Explain To Someone From The 1950s
If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?
Paper, Scissors, Whale!
Scissors cut paper again! I hate this game…
For Too Long The Voice Of Women Has Been Silenced
For too long the voice of women has been silenced. It's time they had microphones in kitchens.
Be The First Of Your Friends To Like This Post.
A post with a poster on it, "Be the first of your friends to like this post".
All Others Will Be Toad
Private customer parking only. All others will be toad.
animals broomsticks cars frogs imagery parking princesses witches
Evening Classes For Men
Instructive evening classes for men…
Jason Voorhees Gets Crocs
Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th) gets Crocs.
If Your Phone Gets Wet, Try Placing It In A Bag Of Rice
If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
Notepad Business Card
A business card styled to look like Windows Notepad.
All Your Base...
All your base are belong to us.
Got To Love Drunk People
>A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door…
What Do You Call A Gun Enthusiast?
You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home…
High Rabbits
Two rabbits getting high on marijuana.
Basic Human Needs
Basic human needs… like Wi-Fi.
But These Are For Girls
But these are for girls… Holy Crap! I look fabulous!
The 10 Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or parliament…
Ancient Japanese Proverb
Ancient Japanese Proverb. If you cannot understand Japanese, tilt your head to the right…
How People From Around The World Open Beer
People from around the world opening beer in their own unique ways.
Sound Thug
Sound Thug
Flying Sharks
Flying sharks… we're screwed.
A Middle-aged Woman Decides To Have A Facelift…
A middle-aged woman decides to have a facelift…
Told Her Not To Brag About Her Barbie Dream House…
Told her not to brag about her barbie dream house…
Everything You Wanted To Know About Phobias
Everything you wanted to know about Phobias (but were afraid to ask)
Blow In Her Face
Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere.
Marry Me
Scrabble Edition.
Hair Dryer
Darling, please give me the hair dryer…
That Conspiracy Stuff
I'm telling you – the man and the dog are definitely working together…
Annual Meeting Of Time Travellers
Annual Meeting of Time Travellers.
The Pope Is Busted
After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo…
Happier With A Hoover
Christmas morning she'll be happier with a Hoover.
All Trades Logan
All Trades Logan.
Police & Protesters Help Fat Man Remove Pants
Police & Protesters help fat man remove pants…
Declaration Of A Software Professional
Declaration of a Software Professional.
Above The Law Like A Boss
Above the law like a boss: removing a wheel clamp.
These Blast Points… Too Accurate For Sand People
Obi-Wan Kenobi in front of burning World Trade Centre towers: "These blast points… too accurate for sand people".
imagery movies obi-wan kenobi star wars terrorism world trade centre
The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake
The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake: We will rebuild.
Zebra Crossing
Zebra Crossing…
Australian Bank Notes
Australian Bank Notes.
Cute Party Trick
Man with finger up nose and out of eye.
Cat In A Cat Box
A cat in a Cat box.
Penguin Falls
Penguin falling on ice.
Lying About Skim Milk
There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.
This Summarises My Love Life
This summarises my love life. I'm the guy in blue…
26 Everyday Occurrences In Australia
When you live on a barely hospitable desert island that was once a continent-sized penal colony, your life tends to be a little more badass than the average person's.
animals australia crocodiles emus imagery kangaroos koalas kookaburras police sharks spiders woolworths
Four Perfectly Round Circles
Four Perfectly Round Circles.
Misunderstood Sharks
Misunderstood Sharks.
Let's All Take A Moment And Be Thankful That Spiders Don't Fly.
Let's all take a moment and be thankful that spiders don't fly!
Zombie Apocalypse Spider
I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse, when most of you can't stand up to a spider.
Drop Bears – Department Of Dangerous Fauna Management
Dropbears are a very real danger to all Australians. Almost one in ten Australians has been attacked by a Dropbear, and the rate is even higher for foreign visitors. Don't become another statistic. Always beware low branches and doorframes. Look up. Stay Alive.
Robert De Niro, De Faro
First Robert De Niro, then Robert De Faro.
Before Tweeting
In case of fire: Exit building before tweeting about it.
For A Good Time
For a good time, call…
Intellectual Jokes
Believing this statement will make you happier.
Customer Retention
Free Phone Telstra Style.
Fifteen Things To Do At The Supermarket…
Fifteen things to do at the supermarket while your spouse is taking their sweet time…
Cars And Computers
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…
Nana Nana Nana Batman!
Nana Nana Nana Batman!
Horny Pirate's Worst Nightmare
What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
Street Name
Hey, what's your street name?
Mystery Books
You have to find them first…
Pregnancy Tips
Some useful pregnancy tips…
I'm Really Afraid Of Johnny Depp
Research shows that if you're afraid of spiders, you're more likely to find one in your bedroom. I'm really afraid of Johnny Depp.
Do Not Trust Atoms
Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.
Believe In Reincarnation
Yeah, well, I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.
The Matrix
What is The Matrix?
Popular Sayings #38
Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.
Road Rage
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it…
Stop! Hammer Time
Stop! Hammer Time!
The Hey Whale
The Hey Whale. It defies description.
How To Be Green
A boardgame: How to be Green…
Foot Smart
See if you can outsmart your foot…
Fail Towing
Thank You for Using Fail Towing, Inc.
The Many Hands Of Kevin Rudd
The many hand gestures of Kevin Rudd.
Best Way To Freak Out Your Friends
Best way to freak out your friends: Do not open unless you plan to kill it (written on an upside down container)
A Case In Communism: The Super Mario Story
A Case in Communism: The Super Mario Story.
Irish Yoga
Irish Yoga.
Pop Out Of Bed
If people were meant to pop out of bed we'd all sleep in toasters.
Mayans Predicting The Hobbit Movie
Keep calm. The Mayans were simply counting down to The Hobbit movie.
Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman
Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman.
Interesting ATM
Man using a sexually provocative ATM.
Feminine Instincts
If a girl ever pulls out a knife on you during an argument, pull out some bread and mayo. Her feminine instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.
Cats And Dogs
As seen in a dog's diary…
Apple IOS6 Maps
For the benefit of passengers using Apple iOS6, local area maps are available from the booking office.
IPhone 5 Plus Versus Nokia 3310
iPhone 6 Plus versus Nokia 3310: Does it bend?
Free Air Guitars
Christmas Gift Ideas: Free Air Guitars.
Alcohol Is A Solution
Not to get technical but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Google+ Versus Facebook
Google Plus versus Facebook
Call The Rescue Squad!
I'm sorry dear. I can't hear you. I'm in the kitchen, making you a sandwich.
Bradley Group Showers
Bradley Group Showers.
My Dog Bailey Tried To Steal Stuff Out Of My Daughter's Purse.
My dog Bailey tried to steal stuff out of my daughter's purse. He got stuck and came over to me for help.
Dog Poo Bin
If your dog does a poo please put it in a litter bin.
Apple IPhone 20 & Samsung Galaxy S23 – Sword & Shield
A mock-up of the iPhone 20 and Samsung Galaxy S23, after the launch of the "taller" iPhone5 & the larger Galaxy S3.
advertising apple imagery iphone phones samsung samsung galaxy technology
Upgrade Kit For IPhone 4 Owners
Upgrade kit for iPhone 4 owners. Only 99¢.
I Said Be Quiet! Don't Make Me Come In There!
I said be quiet! Don't make me come in there!
Canada Has A Serious Epidemic
Protect yourself and others from the flute.
We Forgot Our Shovels
A road crew foreman calls into the shop. Foreman: "We have a problem."
Damn Women Drivers
This morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 110…
Text Of A Letter From A Kid From Eromanga To Mum And Dad.
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.
Not Allowed
When a dog is all out of luck.
What A Cruel Male-dominated Culture
It's a male dominated culture, no matter how you look at it…
Common Belief
The belief that there was nothing…
The Divorce Rate Among My Socks Is Astonishing.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
Ultimate Camouflage
An office beer fridge…
Legend Of Zelda
A legend… of Zelda.
Christmas Lights: Ditto
Ditto to that…
Pages By Date
A list of all the pages, sorted by their last updated or creation dates.


text:
The Top 10 In Action Sports
015 Action Sports You Should Try On Your Gap Year
02This Crazy Dude Climbed Up A 900ft Chimney – With No Ropes!
03Did Dan Atherton And Red Bull Just Create The Toughest Downhill Track Ever?
04Parkour Porn: This Naked London Photo Shoot Will Leave You Stunned
05£214 Million Is About To Be Pumped Into British Cycling...
06GoPro Are Launching Their Own Drone... And It Will Be Cheaper Than You Think
07Bored Of Commuting? Next Year You Could Be Able To Get To Work By Trampoline
0810 Mountain Bike Inventions That Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
09Want To Be A Better Skater? These Scientific Secrets Will Help You On Your Way
10It Has Killed Five People, But This Monster Wave Looks Pretty Different Beneath The Surface…
Ryan Upchurch Signature Deck Promo 2013
A Scoot video by EnvyScooters - 1,092 views
Ryan Upchurch has been working extremely hard over the past few months to get together this video, which he has claimed to be his best video yet! What do you think!?
Edited By: Ryan Upchurch
Song: Imagine Dragons - "Radioactive"
*Song is for entertainment purposes only*
What Do You Think?
Get the best in action sports straight to your inbox

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Tel: (281)391-0172
Memorial Lutheran Preschool's Mission & Ministry statement is To teach children about God's creation and Christ's death and resurrection through a strong, age-appropriate academic program by providing a foundation for all future learning in a Christ-centered, loving and safe environment; and to support and equip the family by providing: opportunities for involvement, training for parents and connecting them to a church home.
School Overview
|School Type
|Early Childhood / Day Care
|School Membership(s)School Assoc.
|National Lutheran Schools Accreditation
|Religious Affiliation
|Lutheran Church -- Missouri Synod
|Grades Offered
|Grades Nursery/Preschool - Prekindergarten
Student Body
|Total Students
|122 students
|Student Body Type
Academics and Faculty
|Total Classroom Teachers
|10 teachers
|Student : Teacher Ratio
National avg.: 13:1
|Average Class Size
|8 students
|Classroom Dress Code
Finances and Admission
|Admission Deadline
|None / Rolling
|Admissions Director
|Linda Stahmer
|Admissions Associate
|Lori Smith
Nearby Schools:
All Schools | High Schools | Elementary Schools | Preschools | Public Schools
Show me:
- School Location Miles Students Grades
KatyGrace Classical Academy
Po Box 1034
Katy, TX, 77493
(832)272-2604(Christian)0.2 mi | 23 students | Gr. 2-8
KatyKaty Adventist Christian School
1913 East Ave
Katy, TX, 77493
(281)392-5603(Seventh-Day Adventist)0.8 mi | 21 students | Gr. PK-8
KatyThe King's Daughters Day School
502 West Front
Katy, TX, 77450
(281)579-9232Daycare / Preschool (Baptist)0.8 mi | 55 students | Gr. PK-K
KatyFaith West Academy
2225 Porter Road
Katy, TX, 77493
(281)391-5683(Christian)2.1 mi | 595 students | Gr. NS-12
KatyPrimrose School Of Cinco Ranch
1540 S Peek Rd
Katy, TX, 77450
(281)693-7711Daycare / Preschool4 mi | 150 students | Gr. K
School Reviews
Area Statistics
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Updated October 26, 2014
What do you do when you are dissatisfied with your local public schools? Homeschool your children? Send them to private school? Let's look at your options.
Your religion matters to you. You want your child to attend a school which will combine academics and religious education. Here is an overview of what is available together with some links to denominational web sites.
Add things up and you'll quickly find the answer- math is crucial both in academics and the real world. By following these strategies and following personal training programs, students can uncover their weaknesses and conquer math.


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speckytecky (14th October 2008)
I'm with Unison, my parents are nurses so they were part of them, my dad was a rep. When i went to do nurse training i joined them and have been with them ever since.
I used to get really paranoid when i was first on here at my old job, all i did was moan. But since then i've found out a certain ex boss let themself into my facebook account. I know they havent got massive security, but to take the time to "hack" into my account is really sad!
I think what upset them most is the fact it said "little miss has left her job as ICT Technician/Dogsbody at .......school.
Last edited by Disease; 13th October 2008 at 02:19 PM.
This thread discusses the pros and cons of union membership at length... and covers who joined what:
Unions - do we need them and who is in one?
Its sad to see you go Jake, the forum will be less commical in your absence. I do hope that you can find a way around your oppressers and continue to participate in some way.
Whilst i guess details cannot be discussed, can somebody fill me into what caused this thread to be made? Whats gone on?
To sum it up,
I made a thread with a query on a problem we were having with a certain piece of well known school management software. I began the thread with a somewhat tongue in cheek rant at an unnamed member of staff, as a lighthearted prelude to the more serious portion of my post (As of course many of you are aware, I tend towards the lighthearted quite often).
I am very careful never to name names, or indeed even give the name of my school, or even my county. So there were no identifiers involved.
However, there are maybe 3 people on here who actually know who and where I work. So it doesnt take a rocket scientist to work out who did what follows..
Someone at our LA, printed out the thread, and passed it to the school in an unstamped envelope, which was then shown to the unnamed member of staff. Which of course has left me in alot of hot water, despite the fact that I used no names, and did nothing more really than the forum equivalent of talking down the pub to a mate about my day.
There are further issues as to what I have been using Edugeek for, in relation to the management software in question, but thats a seperate issue really.
Where it will go from here, I do not yet know. To be blindingly honest my work morale was pretty much at a deepened low before this morning, so this has simply smashed my morale through the floor. At the moment, the french foreign legion is looking mighty inviting.
I guess this is the final post by Jake, you've been a great and often useful bunch, helped to solve alot of varied issues and more importantly given me a way to talk openly with my peers who work in the same industry and are familiar with the same issues, frustrations and unique situations that we find ourselves in. Sadly it seems that being able to talk openly, perhaps emotionally, even if in jest, is no longer allowed in the UK, so for fear of my every post being watched like a hawk now I must bid you all adieu.
Last edited by Jake; 13th October 2008 at 06:20 PM.
I thought Jake's NM was on here (or sub ordinate, sorry I can't remember which)
Didn't anyone fight for him and express an opinion as to how useful Edugeek is to the hard working and hard-pressed tech?
I did think his 'rant' was maybe a little OTT but given that most of us have no idea who or where he is, I can't see that anything more than a slap on the wrist and a 'back in your cage, Jake' was really needed - not even that really
How sad a place the world can be at times.
I have a group of 4-5 techie friends, we often caht together in IRC in the evenings discussing work headaches etc.
Although I dont often post here I have been using the forums a lot for research which I know has helped me in my job and my employer has benefited from my increased knowledge.
Its a shame when employers dont see that fact that forums can save schools a lot of money simply because if you are not sure how to do something, come here, quick post and usually with in 1/2 an hour you have enough replys to get on with what you wanted.
I did see you are on the Sunny South Coast Jake, was just curious as to where you are based?
Shame on those members - how small minded! It just makes me realise how truly backward some management can be. They personify the wrong way to do their job.
Cheers Jake for your great input to these forums. You were key.
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By the way, I think the backend testimonials list should be more neat, without showing picture and extra information directly on the list, these info should be displayed on the detail page, not on the list.
Anyway, as a free software, this is an excellent extension for Joomla. I like it.
checkout the new release! it's amazing!! it works with jQuery, mootools and bootstrap.
you can use it on frontend / backend / BOTH
The support is even worse! I posted a feature request a long time ago on their forum but never responded by the developers, let alone they never implemented it.
The CKeditor team just ruined the good image of this editor in my mind. I am going to give up and turn to other options.
Dear Baijianpeng,
Actually, it's not an issue. You should have configured the "Stretch Mode" to "Original" in Players menu. Just make it to "Uniform / Fill" as the solution. Please contact our support team for further queries.
Thanks & Regards,
Vinoth Kumar
1. new option of "only registered users can submit" : guests can see the testimonials list and the submit button, but after click on this button, they will be asked to login.
2. new feature of "video testimonial by inserting embed code (free code)", this can extend the video providers to any online 3rd party video source, not only limited to Youtube.
At last, hope the authors will make a new version for Joomla 2.5 soon. Thanks.
Hi baijianpeng,
We're glad you like NinjaMonials.
Thanks for the feedback. I especially like your second feature request.
We will not be adding new features to the Joomla 1.5 version, but will consider adding those features to the Joomla 2.5 version that we hope to release in the next 30 days.
Thanks for the review :)
There are about 1000 (and more) images slider, are all of them EXPECT 1 are waste of time?
Well, the first method works fine so I give 4 stars here. Hope the author will improve it better.
Here for "manual input": http://www.imageupload.org/getfile.php?id=66431&a=7ccec360821eb100a98d8bf653b788ed&t=4dfdc346&o=A569068EC280587EA80B5462D9255B823021670DDDDC216AC8DCDDF5487D013055A4690392&n=jv-slideshow.jpg&i=1
But, it only loads the default mod_login, user can not choose his own login module. If I use CB, you know, the default login module can't have CB registration link, so I must use mod_cblogin now. In this case, this plugin will not be able to load mod_cblogin.
Hope there will be a new option to choose login module (by ID or list selection, not position).
thanks for your review.
Before helping you I ignore the existance of Community Builder. Shame on me! Now I will study it and I'll surely implement the CB Login in the future version of HOT Login.
This is a great idea to create internal links. However, I am thinking of another better usage: I can use it to turn the article system into a Wiki.
Two things need to be improved:
1. If I enabled "auto create link", then, on the "submit article" form, the "title" should be automatically filled (or just hidden to prevent manual input), because the Article Title HAD been specified in the syntax code.
2. If I disable "auto create link" feature, the text is showing up as Bold style. However, I think they should be just plain text.
2. Why should the user input the path and URL for CAPTCHA? I think the CAPTCHA should work out-of-box! Could you please use relative path for it and then you can hide this parameter by using /cache folder by default?
3. The language selector should have an option to detect site language setting or the client browser language.
4. Fields labels should be translatable in language file, NOT to manually set in parameters.
Not sure what is meant by #1. As for #2, it was a conscious decision not to have the module create a CAPTCHA directory. It's too dangerous to have the module write files to some arbitrary place on the host web server! Much better to let the administrator make a conscious decision where to create the CAPTCHAs. The latest version displays an error message with a "suggested" CAPTCHA directory and URL. As for #3 and #4 I agree with baijianpeng. You will note that it is on my "todo list". I most likely won't get to it in the version for Joomla 1.5, but will add that capability in when the version for Joomla 1.6 is released (most likely not until January of 2011).
This extension started on the wrong direction. How can it be a good extension then?
Well, it can be a good extension if it's useful, well written, and well supported:) Actually, a component was briefly considered, but didn't seem to give much, if any, advantage for the increased complexity. There was little reason to create an entire management component when the existing article infrastructure works perfectly for this. This may change as features are added, but currently there is nothing that requires a component. sdMacros is still in beta and I'm open to suggestions. If you see advantages to having a component, I would appreciate you posting them in the support forum. sdMacros has proven very useful on several of our websites and I suspect it will prove useful on others' sites as well.


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CeBIT 2014: German Chancellor Merkel and Prime Minister David Cameron visit Software AG
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The future belongs to the digital enterprise
Hanover, Germany, 3/10/2014
German Chancellor Angela Merkel visited the Software AG booth this morning accompanied by British Prime Minister David Cameron as part of her traditional CeBIT tour. The IT company is presenting innovative software solutions that help businesses face the challenge of rapidly growing digitization. The Chancellor and Prime Minister were impressed by software products for analyzing huge data volumes (big data). The center of Software AG's booth focuses on the road to the digital enterprise and the best way to successfully achieve the transformation.
Karl-Heinz Streibich, CEO of Software AG, used a current use case to illustrate how the massive data volumes produced by ships, port facilities and logistics companies, for example, can be intelligently analyzed within a few seconds—in real time—to optimize the entire value chain. A number of factors are optimized long-term in the process, such as fuel consumption, CO2 emissions, delivery times and warehouse capacity—and resources conserved. This is how "Big Data" is transformed into "Smart Big Data."
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About Software AG
Software AG (Frankfurt TecDAX: SOW) helps organizations achieve their business objectives faster. The company's big data, integration and business process technologies enable customers to drive operational efficiency, modernize their systems and optimize processes for smarter decisions and better service. Building on over 40 years of customer-centric innovation, the company is ranked as a "leader" in fourteen market categories, fueled by core product families Adabas-Natural, ARIS, Alfabet, Apama, Terracotta and webMethods. Software AG has more than 5,200 employees in 70 countries and had revenues of around €973 million (IFRS, unaudited) in 2013.
Software AG - Get There Faster
Software AG Uhlandstraße 12 64297 Darmstadt Germany
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