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While "dashing through the snow" could be written today as "speeding down the interstate to the mall," both statements sound stressful to me.
With the arrival of the holidays, many of us experience an odd mixture of excitement and dread as we prepare to celebrate the season.
We get excited about the lights, shopping and Christmas dinner with family, but we also fear the stress that past holidays have taught us to expect. From previous family misunderstandings and hurt feelings to scheduling conflicts, tight finances and the wear and tear on the body, holidays have a way of taking their toll on us.
I have found that the best way to lessen the stress of the holidays is to be prepared:
Most of all, remember what this time of year is all about: "But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people… a savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord" (Luke 2:10-11, NIV).
That is a great reason to slow down, be thankful and be at peace this Christmas season. As you prepare for your upcoming activities, we hope that the following series of articles will help you stress less and enjoy that peace more fully.
Made your holiday plans yet? Naturally, you want to be around family and enjoy the warmth of familiar traditions. But for young couples, combining the traditions of two separate families isn't always easy.
Both spouses' families can sometimes place unrealistic expectations on couples and put them in awkward situations. One family may expect you to celebrate the entire Christmas holiday with them and tell you so; the other family may want the same but silently stew. You're caught in the middle, feeling guilty that you can't be in two places at the same time.
You can also create your own stress by each demanding to be with your own family during the holidays. You can't please everyone, so together decide what's best for the two of you.
A good place to begin is to discuss which holidays are important to each of you and why. Perhaps one of your families makes a big deal of Thanksgiving but Christmas is low-key. You may want to celebrate Thanksgiving with them and visit the other family for Christmas.
I've heard of large families who plan an annual "Christmas in July" so the entire clan can meet and celebrate the holiday together, allowing young families to celebrate Dec. 25 in their own homes. At their summer gathering, the families make Christmas cookies, wear red and green shorts and T-shirts, and open gifts.
Depending on your situation, sometimes you'll need to compromise, choosing what seems most fair to all families. Does everyone live close enough to combine their celebrations? Will it work to alternate family gatherings?
When Dale and I were engaged, we talked extensively about this issue. We decided to go anywhere we were invited on Thanksgiving, but we'd stay home on Christmas — and anyone could join us. Once we communicated this to all the family, the pressure was off.
Other couples choose the typical rotation from one family to another. Whatever you decide, communicate your holiday plans to both extended families so everyone understands and you don't unintentionally hurt someone's feelings.
As you make your plans, consider your vacation time, holiday travel and the stress that goes with it, your parents' ages, family needs, the costs you'll incur in your holiday celebration, and so on. When you have children, you'll also want to consider their needs.
You may need to start a new tradition of limited gift giving, especially if you have a tight budget and your families have always splurged during the holidays. It's wise to be open and honest with your parents about your constraints.
Review your options annually, and be willing to adjust your holiday plans to match your new circumstances. Making a change can be good, especially when it brings your life into balance; now may be a good time to introduce one.
Holidays should be a joyful time, so plan to make them low stress and enjoyable. Spread your visits wisely, count the costs and carefully build healthy relationships.
Let's face it, the old saying "You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" is never more true than when it comes to where you are going to spend the holidays.
When you add stepparents, siblings, and grandparents, you can become torn in so many directions that the joy of the holiday can be drained away. The goal is to come up with a plan that is acceptable to both spouses so that everyone comes out a winner.
An exercise that will help get the conversation started toward a win/win result is to get out a sheet of paper and write down each holiday that could possibly be spend outside your family nest.
Next, list the way you would like to spend each holiday individually. This column will likely be largely based on what your family traditions were like while you were growing up. Also list the feelings you have associate with the holiday. Finally you will have to compromise with lots of understanding and be willing to use positive communication techniques to decide what you will do for each holiday as a couple.
Some of the questions to consider are:
Take a look at the following sample list from a couple we'll call Tom and Sally. It is easy to see why it led to a doozie of an argument.
This couple is an extreme case because their expectations for the holidays and diverse backgrounds were on opposite ends of the spectrum. But if they reached resolution, so can you.
By sitting down together and discussing the holiday topic, you can avoid future arguments on the same topic and put to rest any smoldering ashes left over from the last disagreement. As you can see from the final column in our chart, each side had to give and take in order to reach a consensus.
In their discussion, they took into account that the decisions they made in the "here and now" would affect their future children and the rest of their family. So they made their decisions based on what would maintain peace, create lasting and loving memories for their own family, and be an asset to their relationship.
They also kept in mind the fact that any decision would not be set in stone but could be modified to meet their future real and felt needs, geographical location, and family situation.
Maybe the plan will get you started on how to celebrate your holidays this coming year and for many happy years to come.
Holiday Celebration Worksheet / Year of _____________
1. Christmas Eve church services
1. Open presents on Christmas Eve
1. Go to services, when available, and open one gift on Christmas Eve
2. Up at 6:00 a.m. to read Christmas store from the Bible
2. Sleep in late and wear pajamas most of the day
2. Tom sleeps in, and they read the Bible story when he wakes up (by 10:00 a.m.)
3. Open presents one at a time, thanking between each one
3. Few presents (the holidays were downplayed)
3. Three gifts, opened one at a time
4. Formal dinner at Grandma's house
4. Pizza or whatever (maybe tacos)
4. They realize the holiday can have the significance you give it
5. Ice-skating in the afternoon
5. Watch football games and then take a nap
5. Football in the afternoon and caroling at night (when possible)
6. Christmas-caroling at night
6. No particular traditions (Christmas is just commercialism)
Photo Greeting Cards
We have photos made in October and get the savings of an early-bird discount on photo greeting cards. If you try this beginning in your first year of marriage, it will be fun to see how your family changes as the years go by. We even put together a special Christmas photo album, and it's a wonderful place to display our annual photo greeting cards and an effective way to preserve memories.
The reason we keep our gift-giving simple is not because we're cheap. It's because we want to keep the focus on the Reason for the Season. Holiday mania detracts from the coming of the Christ Child as God's greatest gift to us.
Three Gifts
Part of the Kay Family Simplification Plan involves the number of gifts each of our children receive. This could also apply to each spouse, before the kids start coming along. I'll never forget one Christmas before we had children. Bob and I watched a little boy get so many gifts for Christmas that he got tired of opening them and quit. Sadly, he was so spoiled by his parents and grandparents that he had the mistaken notion that Christmas was all about him.
Sharing Christmas
Sometimes the gift of time is the greatest gift of all during the holidays. There are a number of ways you and your spouse can brighten the holidays of those around you and share the season. We like to visit nursing homes and spend time with the residents, talking and sharing. If you know of an elderly relative, neighbor, or friend who rarely gets to decorate for the holidays, why not help that person put up a tree and holiday lights? Then, after the season is over, help them put the decorations away.
On of the traditions on military bases is a holiday cookie drive. Last year we collected ten thousand dozen cookies and distributed them to the police department, the fire department, and others who worked the holiday shift. You could take a basket of goodies to your local firefighters or police officers on duty. I know they would enjoy these treats on Christmas Eve! We even bake cookies for the mail carriers and sanitation workers. We place these in easy-to-carry plastic bags and include a can of soda pop.
Mission of Joy
One final idea is to adopt a developing-country child at this time of the year and sponsor him/her year-round. A portion of the proceeds of my books goes to an organization that helps orphans in India called Mission of Joy. We also send out their brochures with every product order we receive on our Web site.
A gift is a demonstration of love from one heart to another. Calvin Miller once sent me an acrostic poem that spelled out my name. You cherish those special, personal gifts. – Chuck Swindoll, Tale of the Tardy Ox Cart
Returning to the Los Angeles airport in a rental vehicle, we couldn't remember the location of Budget Rent A Car. Sarah, my wife, retrieved the directions to help me navigate. As she read, she told me to take a certain street, but I was convinced Budget was on another. I listened to her, but the directions were incorrect. When we realized the error, I got upset with her.
Obviously, she was hurt by my reaction. Her intent was to help me navigate to the airport, but I overlooked her good will and subconsciously blamed her for the predicament. I quickly realized what I had done and apologized.
"I'm irritated, but I shouldn't be mad at you. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" It wasn't her fault the directions were unclear. If I had refused to acknowledge her good intentions and resisted apologizing, the friction would have remained and possibly escalated.
In your marriage, a scenario like this may play out in your holiday plans. Trouble could surface in two specific areas: when traveling to see family or when giving and receiving gifts. You can work through these differences by choosing to see the good will of your spouse.
When a family travels together, conflict often arises. Confined quarters within a car can foster stress and irritation. If you're traveling for Christmas, try to avoid the negative comments that might impulsively come to the surface.
For example, when Dad says in front of the children, "Your mother is late, just to irritate me," he discredits his wife and plants seeds of doubt in the children's minds about Mom's good will. The children also wonder about Daddy's heart for Mommy.
When Mom says, "Your father is too proud to look at a map," she sends a message to the children to be disrespectful toward Dad, and they may see Mom as bitter or snippy. No one wins.
The giving and receiving of gifts can also be a source of tension. If a husband says to his wife, "I can't believe you spent this much money on your family!" she may hear condemnation. When he verbally blasts his wife who is a good-hearted gift-giver, she closes off from him. Until he makes a heartfelt apology, Christmas probably won't be very merry.
After Sarah and I were engaged, Sarah made a jean jacket for me for Christmas. I opened the box, held up the jacket and thanked her.
"You don't like it," she said.
"I do like it," I insisted.
"No, you don't. You aren't excited. If you liked it, you would be excited. In my family, Christmas is important, and we show it."
She assumed I was being polite but didn't like the jacket; I felt misunderstood and judged. We had different expectations of giving and receiving, but instead of learning to understand each other, we made cutting remarks that discredited both of our intended good will.
If you face a similar situation, learn to explain your family's view on gifts. If the wife directs her husband how to respond, "When my mother gives you a gift, act excited," the husband may feel scolded and inadequate. He may think she doesn't trust him to appropriately appreciate gifts. However, she is trying to be helpful. If both understand that the other spouse isn't plotting ways to provoke the other, then the cycle of criticism and hurt feelings can be avoided.
The key here is to see what Jesus sees. Jesus said, "The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Matthew 26:41b, NIV). Though He was disappointed with His three disciples who failed Him, He did not show hatred or contempt toward them. Jesus saw their hearts as willing.
Realize that your spouse has good will, even though at times he or she will fail to be the person you want. If you verbally jump all over him or her, confess your critical attitude. And remember, whether you are traveling or facing challenges with a loving gift-giver, see the best in your partner. That may be the best gift you can give (and receive) this holiday season.
Ask anyone to name a favorite gift that he or she has received and you'll probably hear "the drawing my child did of me" or "the poem my husband wrote to propose." Handmade and creative presents are often the most meaningful.
So if you'd like to lavish your spouse with simple, thoughtful gifts this holiday season, consider a few suggestions:
I love blessing my husband with creative presents, and he's gotten good at doing the same for me. Coming up with personally tailored surprises is a fun way to demonstrate our affection. Try it; I bet you'll be hooked, too.


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Dairy Products
News about Dairy Products, including commentary and archival articles published in The New York Times.
Interest in Solar Water Heating Spreads Globally
Many developing countries, which struggle with high energy prices relative to income, have embraced the technology.
September 4, 2014, Thursday
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March 12, 2014, Wednesday
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Contracts for Milk in New York City Schools Are Flagged
An audit shows no direct evidence of wrongdoing, but the city comptroller said it was curious how four milk distributors won and then delivered on $134 million in school contracts in 2008.
February 27, 2014, Thursday
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For Cows, Daughters Mean More Milk
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February 11, 2014, Tuesday
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Russia Blocks Yogurt Bound for U.S. Athletes
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Standstill on Farm Bill May Revive 1949 Rules
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January 18, 2014, Saturday
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What do you all think of the explanation of bank lending in this article?
Looks like he is confused, or tries to create confusion.
E.g., calling a loan "bank liability" is strange at the least.
Add a bunch of strawmen. E.g., "First, banks do not lend reserves!" - duh, who argues otherwise?
Then again: "Does the bank's reserve fall as a consequence? Not necessarily because it depends on other transactions." A strawman AND a contradiction to the previous statement. If the bank does not lend reserves, of course they NEVER fall as a result of a loan issued. The reserves just sit there, that's why they have this name. Maybe he meant something like "the part of the reserves available for lending fell", but that would be an abuse of terminology, IMHO.
In other words, I am not convinced he knows what he's talking about.
Search for MMT (aka 'banking is just electronic ledger/accounting!') here -- there have been many discussions about it, IIRC, also with the author of that article himself.
We should ban financial speculation on food prices
We should ban financial speculation on food prices
Freedom of markets is positively correlated with the degree of evolution in any society...
Well I've read at least some of the MMT threads on this forum but I didn't find that issue discussed. Essentially they are arguing that credit creation is dependent on banks making loans from which they hope to derive a profit, rather than from the theoretical money supply, e.g. as it exists in reserves. If the above is true, then all the QEs are completely irrelevant, since inflation is limited by the extent of profitable loans, rather than a specific quantity of money, and therefore that this limit would be the same with or without QE.
The outcome would be the same though - a situation of ever-increasing inflation, far above what a free market in money would allow for.
Besides, what determines a loan's profitability? Interest rates which the Fed and other central banks charge, interbank lending rates and risk adjustments, which when the government insures you from losses is not very expensive at all.
If reserves don't matter, how is it determined who could lend how much (of what?) to whom? Here, I just became a "bank" and I lent you $1,000,000. Happy?
It's all just a bunch of electronic ledgers, or if it isn't then it should be. I think this about sums up the jist of MMT. It's probably one of the stupidest "theories" ever produced by a human mind.
I don't quite get it either. I don't think, for one, that central bank reserve requirements are imaginary. Whilst central banks stand ready to provide "liquidity" if banks run dry on cash, they're expected to have a minimal amount to ensure they can meet day to day redemptions as well as any emergency redemptions.
What I think he is saying:
If there is no law requiring a minimum reserve, which is apparently the case in some parts of the world, then banks can write checks [and hand them over to all comers as a loan] that have no backing whatsoever. Obviously the amount of reserves does not limit the amount of money lent, because why should it?
In the US there is a law requiring banks not to write checks more then tem times the amount of cash they have in reserve, so it looks like the amount in reserve does influence the amount of checks that can be written that have no backing. And that's the mainstream point of view, he is saying.
But there is a loophole to this law, he claims. If the bank feels like writing a fat check to someone who wants to borrow money from them, but they don't have the reserves to allow this under the law, they have an easy out. They just go to the central bank and ask for cash after the fact.
In story form:
Teller: Jones wants to borrow 10 million bucks, boss.
Manager: Cut him a check.
Teller: But we only have five bucks cash in the vault, boss, and you said I could buy some pizza with it.
Manager: Don't worry about it.
Teller: But it's illegal. I am not allowed to write lend 10 million dollars unless we have a million bucks in cash in our vaults, which we don't.
Manager: No problem.
The manager picks up the phone, calls up Ben Bernanke, and says he needs a million bucks cash, ASAP.
Ben: No problem. I'll have to charge you a bit of interest of course.
Manager: That's OK, Good ole Jones is paying us a higher interest rate, so we'll all profit.
Bottom line, if what he says is true, that Bernanke is free with the moolah like that, then the whole article is spot on.
My humble blog
It's easy to refute an argument if you first misrepresent it. William Keizer
Even if the reserves can be grown at will by just calling Ben, this does not change the fact that lending is limited by reserves divided by the cash reserve ratio.
To provide an analogy - even if you can print money at will, this does not change the fact the amount you can purchase is limited by the amount of your money (divided by prices).