text:
Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:
All Forums
Ask A Girl
Ask A Guy
British Columbia
Broken Hearts
Dating & Love Advice
Dating Experiences
Dating Sites
District Of Columbia
Event Hosts forum
Health & Fitness
New Brunswick
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
News/Current Events
North Carolina
North Dakota
Nova Scotia
Off Topic
Over 30
Over 45
Plentyoffish Get Togethers
Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help
Poems And Quotes
Prince Edward Island
Profile Reviews
Recipes & Cooking
Rhode Island
Sex and Dating
Single Parents
South Carolina
South Dakota
Stories/creative writing
Technology and computers
Uk Forums
Volunteer Moderators Only
West Virginia
Thread: K-Y Intense arousal jelly for her?
10 (
K-Y Intense arousal jelly for her?
Posted: 3/3/2013 10:32:28 AM
I've tried the hi and hers before as someone elae mentioned. I like the cooling effect of the "hers". Its neat tho when they "come together". Then you feel a little of both.
The lube doesnt make soso sex turn awesome. You cant count on that. Lots of things make my orgasms increidible, but the lube is a fun novelty and sure, makes for an interesting fun time. Think of it as a sex toy. Toys are fun but they dont create chemistry...you either got it or you dont, i figure!
16 (
Relationship sex vs spontaneous sex
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:36:42 PM
Yes? No? Lol i've had both.
For me, specifically, i'd say the best is a really awesome sex partner who i click with from the first time - whether the first time be someone i am on a date with or on a more casual thing with.
And if we click from the first time, then it will just get better and better as we explore and play have fun. My very best partner ever i have been with off and on over 4 years. Why? Because whenever it did get a little stale, we changied things up.
And if it is really bad the first time, well, there probably wont be a second time.
But, to generalize outside of myself, i think overall women tend to like variety with one partner whereas men like the newness of new partners. We both like variety, just in different ways.
Obviously not everyone is that way... but it has been mentioned in research i've randomly come across before and it fits in with the "men are more visual" thing.
Oh and...not all men feel free and spontaneous their first time w a chick. Some are nervous and cant get really hard or they cum too fast or cant cum at all... so you know, those guys are not gonna be at their best the first time. Lol
I guess my answer is "it depends" lol
17 (
recent decision to try a spell of celibacy... thoughts? advice?
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:28:11 PM
Sorry...cell phone issue.
I just think you are a normal woman with a norml sex drive. Embrace that woman. Date and be happy and just tell them you have a low drive. And live happily ever after, having sex once a month. Itls all good!
16 (
recent decision to try a spell of celibacy... thoughts? advice?
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:25:40 PM
OPie, i have some thoughts on this. You do not come off as a very sexual being. So one nightstnds? Fvck buds? Fwbs? What would b the piint? Why bother?
I would do a few things if i were you, not all right now, not til you are redy, and not in any order.
1. I would ponder if i were happy not being sexual and not having much of a libido. I love sex. It is a healthy and a good outlet for stress. I would not be happy not having a libido. Yes i went thru tht for 12 years of marriage. If you are cool with it, then no worries. If you are not? Then go see your doctor, watch porn, something. Figure out, are u just not getting aroused? Are u not into men? Mybe u like kinky stuff that u have never seen before? Lol who knows.
2. I would not date. I would have guy friends, tke time to get over the old ones. Dont be on a dating site peripd. And then, figure out what u want in a boyfriend. What kind of man? Marriage? Friendship? Dominant? Suubmissive?
Once u know wht you want, add in sexual preference... if u want to stay with low libido, put it in your profile, so that men wont go out withyou wanting that. My ex is and was very asexual. That would work for you.
But...definitely figure out if you are craving a friend or a boyfriend. To me, sex is one if the things that separate the 2. If i am not seually attracted, i would *not* date the dude. I would howeer be his best bud and we'd have a ball hanging out.
Dont know if this helps or not. Phone doesnt like me typing...lol so its distracting me and it keeps messing up.
Abstinence to me is abstaining until some threshold is reached, like say marriage.
Celibacy to me is a conscious decision to not allow the pleasures of sexual intercourse. Its not giving yourself something you creave. Wo
But for you, you are a normaloman who happens to have a low sex drive. Embrace who you are. Dont cc
20 (
Talking and asking questions during sex!!!
Posted: 1/2/2013 4:51:08 PM
Ay yiy yi...either sex talk turns her on or her previous partner wanted her to sex talk.
No she doesn't want answers... it's just sex talk...
Some people like it, some don't. The smothering your face would bother me more.
If you like her, TALK TO HER about it... If you don't, then no worries, move on...
This ain't rocket science, folks!
4 (
Advice on this situation please?
Posted: 12/30/2012 6:45:18 PM
I dont know what to tell you to do, but think of this: obviously there has been a lot more going on in his head this whole time than you thought. His most recent actions show that he sees you sexually and is turned on by you. So go back and read what you said in those 2 posts, but this time reading it knowing that he wants you sexually. In othwr words, *now* you know that he has wanted you all along. So reread his former actions with this in mind.
Then make your decision about the future knowing that (1) yes, he wants you sexually (2) hes not comfortablle being oopen about it or expressing it.
Personally i'd be heartened knowing that he does desire me but frustrated knowing he doesnt want anyone (including me) knowing. You dont work together anymore? Then what is he waiting for??
Me? I'd say wtf is going on? You are old enough to do right by me. Either date me or be my friend, or lets fvck as friends. But lets have it out once and for all and make a decision and stand by it. But thats me. Im older than you I'm guessing and pretty blunt.
22 (
Looked down upon because I rent/have a guy roommate???
Posted: 12/18/2012 3:44:22 PM
In this day and age and economy and unusual family make-ups, having housemates is not uncommon. I live in a college town and a LOT of people share houses.
I got my first housemate about 4 years ago when I got laid off.It was a good financial move for me. I have 2 kids. ANd it also turned out that I liked the company and the occasional help with the kids.
If a man wouldn't date me b/c I had a roommate, male or female, screw 'em. I don't have time for intolerance.
I have actually read articles on the increasing prevalence of house sharing / housemates...so it's not just me.
ALso, last year I was strongly considering housesharing with a galfriend and her 2 kids. I figured we could raise our kids together in some sort of supportive environment where we help each other. She ended up moving to Florida so we didn't. Now my housemate is a female a bit older than me and she has her own private area downstairs and we share the kitchen/bath. It's great, we support each other, good company, laugh about men and dating, etc.
All I"m saying is, your gf is way off base. She is certainly entitled to her opinion an dif you agree with her, great. But if you dont', that's ok, don't feel bad. Don't feel pressured or shamed to change just for her. I agree with gcdeb ^^^ btw. Once you fulfill these demands, what next?
183 (
How to make a guy cum from a b/j
Posted: 11/16/2012 2:21:54 PM
That's weird, I can't talk when I have a penis in my mouth. ;)
171 (
Showering together.....is it intimate?
Posted: 11/15/2012 5:45:00 PM
I find it very intimate. For sure.
A guy I had a very casual sex relationship with started acting more "mushy", kissy, etc. That was weird enough. But then he wanted to shower together one night. So I did...and it felt weird, honestly. Such an intimate act and I was not used to being intimate with him. Don't get me wrong, I felt that way for him, but I was not used to expressing it. I just couldn't quite open that valve and let it free, does that make sense?
So, yes I gotta say it is much more intimate than sexual or just sexual.
48 (
Woman doesn't like penis's and semen, would you date her?
Posted: 10/28/2012 9:01:22 AM
She sounds like she would make an excellent.... FRIEND.
Great woman, doesn't like penises. You have a penis. So enjoy her great friendship and date a woman who likes your penis.
To me this is a no-brainer.
And if you really want a deeper discussion on it, think on this, why would you date someone who rejected the symbol of your sexuality, why would you date someone who was grossed out by your body? All this can lead to is you feeling like crap and rejected. In the long run, going to damage your "self", your esteem, your ego. Don't walk down that road for nothing! (and yes I know a woman who did that to her husband)
This goes way beyond condom wearing...
15 (
frequent sex in a LTR over the duration?
Posted: 10/15/2012 8:51:33 AM
I have not had a lot of experience with frequent sex in a LTR. My longest LTR was my marriage and the sex sucked and was rare. But my next longest LTR was a more casual on and off thing, but there was a lot of "on" time in that thing and I noticed something that I have since heard from othe women.
After awhile, I would get bored, he would not. Apparently, it seems that it is somewhat more common for women to need variety, change, innovation, etc. to keep from getting bored, than it is for men.
So if you want to keep it strong and frequent and hot, keep the fun, keep the new, keep the experimenting. Not every day, but don't do the same t hing everyday either.
I remember my ex was so boring, sex was exactly the same every single time. I mean, every part. Kiss kiss fondle fondle finger fvck. Same positions too. bor-ing!
The casual thing guy, I'd say "you know, seems like we always do it on the sofa..." So whaddya know, that night we'd do it in the kitchen. Or outside. Or off the side of the road in the afternoon behind some bushes. LOL We were so compatible and so up for anything, that either of us could toss in an idea and we'd have fun trying it out. And we'd do fun things that were sexual but not "during" sex...like meeting up at a bar for drinks and flirting and he'd tell me to wear a skirt w/no panties. That kind of stuff.
I found with him, since he was so OPEN to trying things that I felt more open, more free, more sexual. I really came out of my shell (as most of you who have been here forever probably know).
Anyway, talkign to other women,r eading things, I have found that this is a common theme in men and women who are together for a long time...a lot of women need that freshness to stay horny and to want to have hot sex frequently over years. If you are not providing that, or showing that you are open to it and inviting her to suggest it as well...she very well might get bored and not want it as often. Steak is awesome, but having it for dinner 7 nights a week gets old no matter how well it's cooked!
54 (
Balls during bjs
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:16:36 PM
^^Hahaha...what if she likes biting on your ballsack until you bleed? Would that really be ok? By the time she spoke up you'd be a bloody mess!
What if she likes giving bjs using lots of teeth?
I think that you want her to do what she wants...within limits. Well, I don't have testicles, but I do have lots of tv shows w/jokes about how sensitive that area is. So I don't know the limits.
I think for me, I enjoy sex when I feel knowledgeable about that part of a guy's body. The first time I saw a guy's penis, I was intimidated...very (I was late teens). I got a little bit older, and then I was curious to look at it, touch it, etc... And then slowly over time I got more comfortable as I figured out how them there thangs worked! LOL So now, sure, when I am giving a bj, it is a combo of what I like and what he likes...it's for both of us, after all...but...again, within the limits of "not a turn off" for him. But I need to be knowledgeable before I am comfortable doing "whatever I want"!
And...yeah I guess it would be surprising that my knowledge is weak in this area, but I guess the guys I've dated since I became single again were just not into their balls being played with a whole lot! Plus I was married for SO long that I really haven't been single *all* that long. Not even 5 years yet! Gotta leave something left to discover as I get older!
48 (
Balls during bjs
Posted: 9/25/2012 7:08:30 PM
Wow, there really is just a total range from Eek! Leave them alone! to Love them babies all night long! LOL
And from "Don't ask!" to "You better ask!".
LOL *Sigh* I was hoping there would be some consensus on this topic. Silly me! Apparently balls are just as variable as nipples, oral sex, etc. Which does mean one thing - if ya'll are all totally different, then you probably don't expect women to read your mind and know what you like. So that's good to know, right?
This was my favorite comment though:
that's why I keep my balls shaved. That should be hint enough I like them played and sucked on.
I bet that is a pretty good sign!
240 (
Why DO men send unsolicited pics of their penis?
Posted: 9/20/2012 7:26:45 PM
I once dated a guy who took dikpics w/his c0ck next to a soda can. LOL And it was very much on purpose too. Like, he thought that made it look really big or fat or something, I dunno.
I'm gonna go fill up some water balloons now...and take some titty shots w/water balloons next to the sides of my titties... bahahahahaha...yeah ok!
Somehow, I just think there are gender differences at play here that make it hard for us females to really understand what you guys go through with your self-esteem and your c0cks...or something, I dunno.
I don't really care one way or the other about dikpics, myself. I do love penises...but pictures of them? Eh, kinda pointless reallly. I mean, what would you prefer? A banana split, or a picture of a banana split? Hmmmm...I want the real deal! Yummmmy! But whatever floats yur boat...
1 (
Balls during bjs
Posted: 9/20/2012 7:04:22 PM
Ok, I am trying to figure out the skinny on men and their balls during a bj.
I know you aren't all the same, some like more than others. But still...
Ok, for one, I have read stories where women mention "tugging down" on his ballsac right before or right when he has an orgasm.
I have never in my life done this and I wouldn't know what the hell to tug on or when or how hard. Nor has a guy ever asked me too!
So...what's the deal, is this something guys like? Need? Want? how do I do it? And like, what, do we flick our tongues on the sac, suck the balls into our mouth? What about just sucking the skin of the sac...can you feel that or does it have to involve actual testicles? Oh, how about licking...are your balls sensitive enough to feel that?
I know, stupid obvious questions to you...but I guess I've kinda neglected balls during bjs b/c I didn't think guys cared or liked it much. Well, one guy ok, he really liked his balls sucked on but that was a long time ago. (In my defense I give excellent bjs so it's not like they havent gotten off)
And I guess to balance the question out, women, have you hit on any things that your guys have gone nutso over...lol pun intended...
19 (
Splitting household items when breaking up
Posted: 9/19/2012 2:14:19 PM
Didn't fight over it, but I thought it was really funny that he wanted to keep our wedding album. Like, really? I sure as hell didn't want it!
We did and are still fighting over a rocking chair that we bought at an auction. I am the only one who ever sat in the damn* thing and I nursed and rocked both babies in it...and I'm the one who wanted to bid on it at the auction. I want it, dammit! He is fighting me on it.
Will I give in? No clue...we'll see...
55 (
Break ups
Posted: 9/19/2012 2:12:21 PM
I think, from your posts, you are open to advice and to change. That's great! THumbs up for that!
So, my advice is to give her space and time and don't daydream about the what-ifs or gettin gback together.
take this time to work on yourself. Fix you.
Then, when you feel like you are "fixed" to the point where you have self-control and have learned and practiced other methods of dealing with conflict, to where you take responsibility for waht you are doing wrong in an argument, and can openly address the other persons concerns w/out it escalating, etc...
THAT is the point that you approach her with hope and love in your eyes and ask her for a chance to try again.
And if she has moved on, or if she says no, you accept it and you move on. Because, yup, you screwed up and unfortunately there are consequences to bad behavior.
We don't know if ther eis a chance for you guys or not. How could we know? And will you *ever* take all the steps you need to deal w/anger and conflict or will you only work on yourself while she is still talking to you? We don't know.
All I can tell you is yeah, it sucks. All of us screw up at one time or another and we *have* to take responsibility for what we did wrong and we have to *fix* what is wrong. (it isn't good enough to just take responsibility). part of that is accepting that we may have lost something very special b/c of our behavior...and letting the other person go. THere are no do-overs. There can be starting over. Sometimes.
I suggest you hit a used book store or amazon and get "WHen I say No, I feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith. I realize the title doesn't sound helpful. Well, the book is mostly about dealing with conflict. How to respond when someone is angry with you. here is a link to it on amazon. http://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348088633&sr=1-1&keywords=when+i+say+no+i+feel+guilty
I briefly tried marriage counseling w/my ex and the counselor suggested the book. It is *excellent*. And you can buy it for a penny plus shipping on amazon.
It is a very old book, but it teaches you how to respond then gives you "conversations" to read to see how it plays out. And then encourages you to practice what you learned... because you have to really work hard on learning new habits and undoing the old ones.
I have worked hard on applying the principles of this book and I can't say that I"m great at it, but I do know that it has really helped me. I had to undo the bad habits I learned as a teenager (scream at daddy and I generally got my way - not a good way to handle conflict in a marriage!).
I would tell her that you are working on you, and that you are going to take the next 6 months to really improve yourself, and after those 6 months if you feel ready, perhaps she would consider going on a date with you then - and only then. I realize in 6 months you might not be ready or she could have a bf by then. But she will get the idea that you are serious about this...and that you aren't going to push her until then.
Girls are amazingly impressed by honesty and by someone who is serious about working on their sh*t. Not so impressed by guys looking for an easy way out. (I'm not saying you are, I"m just sayin...)
Good luck to you! It won't be easy...but if you don't get this anger and inability to deal w/conflict under control, you will never find a woman who will want to stay with you. or at least not a healthy minded woman.
47 (
Fapstronauts... 90 Days without...
Posted: 9/17/2012 8:30:14 PM
This is the stupidest idea I've heard of in a lONG time. What good could possibly come fromt his? I mean, you don't gain calories from it. It doesn't make you smell. Or lose friends. Masturbation,that is.
If I do it, it is when I'm in bed and alone and horny. I'm probably thinking about someone or a story in my head and it's making me, well, want to masturbate. So I do. Then I orgasm, then I roll over and go to sleep.
We aren't talking rocket science here. The only downside i can think of is that it meant I went to bed 20 minutes late that night. That's it. It doesn't cost me money, and not a whole lot of energy. I was "using my brain" while I fantasized, so it was actually *good* for my brain health. And I probably burned a few extra calories, which is a good thing for me, probably the most exercise I had all day.
And looking at porn? So what? So instead of sex occurring in my head, I looked at it...so it doesnt' exercise my brain quite so much...that's the only difference I can think of.
If my partner was with me, I would have had sex, thus burning more calories and having some good skin to skin lovey time. But, if he's not, it's not like my masturbating will change how much I want to have sex when I see him again. We always have sex...whether I masturbated daily for the week prior, or whether I didn't feel like masturbating the week prior.
Ok, I'm out of advantages and disadvantages to masturbating and porn... yeah, i'm not seeing that abstaining for 90 days is going to help me actually. And in fact, I think it'd probably just piss me off. Because if I DON"T masturbate, I probably will have trouble sleeping, due to the fact that I"m horny as hell and not doing anything to relieve it.
So after 90 days you're gonna have a really really pissed off chick... um, no. No thanks, I'll pass. I don't think the world could handle me any more moody than I already am!
33 (
Are relationships with some distance involved worth pursuing?
Posted: 8/24/2012 1:22:32 PM
2 hours is way too far for me.
I think it is a personal decision. I have had men tell me "well you might miss out on the love of your life.". *shrug* if so, so be it, no biggie.
I have kids, I work full time, I have pets. I just don't have time for 2 hrs of driving time every time I want to see someone (and that's if we meet in the exact middle).
I like to see someone 1-2 times a week, when our schedules match up. And I like to, you know, be spontaneous occasionally. Hard to do that with a long drive.
The furthest away I've ever dated someone was 1 hour and yes, it was a PITA. (pain in the azz)
Lots of people do it happily. I won't. I guess you'd say for me, distance is a deal breaker, just as much as anything else can be a deal breaker.
My boyfriend lives about 30 min away and that is plenty far! I've dated guys who lived 2 blocks away before and that was SO much easier. But for my guy, I'll do 30 min...still, I wish he lived closer!
39 (
how to handle arguments
Posted: 8/10/2012 11:33:06 AM
I just love how you are all self-righteous, like you didn't really act like an azz... but you did, sorry. You said it yourself, you told her
I said "ok, I'm done" and started to walk out.
That is NOT the same as "I"m getting frustrated, I need a few minutes to myself."
Now grow up, and work on your behavior. And learn to TALK to her!
I was giving advice to a friend yesterday whose boyfriend does what you did to yours. And my advice to her was that it's ok to need a few minutes to cool down. But then after 15 min, she needs to go to him and say "Ok, I gave you some time, but now we need to talk about what just happened". And if he refuses to work through it, then she needs to say sayonara.
Cooling down is reasonable. But refusing to talk through issues is NOT.
Now admit it, you were feeling nagged. YOu were feeling like you couldn't win. In fact, you were feeling disrespected. Those are all very valid feelings and I think most of us would have felt like you did in that situation. But did you do anything to make sure it doesn't recur? No, you walked out, pissed her off, and the relationship has degraded further and gotten closer to a breakup.
RESPECT is the key, along with COMMUNICATION.
As I told my friend, unless you talk it through, respectfully, the problems will just keep happening and you will keep getting pissed at each other. She was complaining to me. Which was fine, but complaining to ME won't fix her relationship with HIM. She needed to talk it through with him...and if he was unwilling (even after a cool down period), then things were not going to get better. He could either man up and find a compromise, or she could find a guy who could.
Just my opinion. I already went through a sh*tty 12 year marriage and learned this stuff the hard way. Don't do what I did. Learn now. I tell ya, I WON"T put up with crap from a man anymore. If there's a problem, we fix it. If I did what your gf did...I would WANT to know. I would want to know that it bothered him, and I would want to avoid doing that to him again. I respect my boyfriend and the last thing I want to do is make him feel sh*tty, to make him feel nagged or disrespected.
(of course, when I was married, my ex would have deliberately done a crappy job of chopping veggies so he could get out of it, but that's a whole 'nother story...)
21 (
In dire need of advice!
Posted: 7/22/2012 1:16:36 PM
Can you lay on your back and grab your legs with y0ur hands? Hook your hands around your legs somewhere b/t the knee and hip I think... I stink at spatial stuff...
Or have him push your legs toward your chest and hold them there...basically the same as above but he is holding them in place instead of you.
Pillow under your butt would indeed help. it's not that it affects the vagina angle, it's that it raises you up a little so when legs are pushed up and toward your chest, the vagina is easier to get to.
Also what if he sits up in bed, leaning against wall, and you sit on his lap, legs around him. He puts his hands around you to your butt and pulls you in and out... You have your hands on his shoulders to hold yourself upright...
Oh try this, lay down on sofa, with back on the seat,and your ass hanging off sorta, your legs go over his shoulders... He is on floor kneeling in front of you...I think that would work...
I agree w/earlier person that said google is your friend. You are not in uncharted waters...lots of good advice from chair-bound people out there I"m sure who have already tried and figured out what is the best...
Have fun!
106 (
silly fantacies
Posted: 7/22/2012 1:04:27 PM
Years ago I had a really hot UPS guy who did all the deliveries to my house... So that was a fantasy for a long time...being seduced by or seducing the UPS guy when he comes to do a delivery! Of course back then, both of us were married so nope it never happened. Wow, I had forgotten all about that until I saw the mention of men in uniform (and ay yi yi police uniform totally makes me hot!)
Pizza delivery guy...yup that's another one... LOL Never done it, and have never actually had a hot pizza delivery guy to be tempted. but nice idea!
Playing Truth or Dare w/my boyfriend and another couple....that's a good fantasy too. Don't think he'd be into that one...
Hmmm...you know I'm pretty sure he has the hot schoolgirl fantasy...I think I should surprise him some night at his house dressed up...I have a super super short plaid skirt, I could do that! (He's no longer on POF so I figure I can say that w/out ruining the surprise)...
OK, now I gotta go plan...
25 (
in ne
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:03:35 PM
He just happens to show interest when I have decided to not date friends.
Here we go...this is the crux of it.
You are friends
He wants to have sex with you.
You have not said yes.
It's just that simple. Why does he turn every convo to sex? Because he is super horny for yur azz. Why does he light up when you mention sex? Because he's hopeful. Why does he not talk about anything else? Girl, he's a little obsessed with you right now!
The breakup probably hurt his ego and made him feel as less of a man. Unwanted, unloved. And he lost his regular sex source. So he's already horny from not getting any, plus he thinks "getting" someone, aka you, will prove he is still loveable, wanted.
I have had guy friends who drop hints about wanting to have sex with me. If I don't want that, I attack this head on and say "hey, look, I really don't want a physical relationship with you, ok? I just watn to be your friend.". If they keep it up, I say "drop it, ok? I've told you I don't want that.".
I have had guy friends who drop hints about wanting sex and I want it too...so, I enjoy the hints and I give them back, flirt a bit, and see what happens.
The thing is, you have just said that you are also attracted to him...but youw ant to stay friends, but you don't want an fwb OR a relationship? You sound confused to me.
an fwb is a friendship with sex.... So do you want to have sex with him or not??? Decide, and TELL him for gods sake and end his misery. And if you tell him NO then if the sex talk continues, tell him to lay off the sex talk, you feel uncomfortable, or you can't hang out with him anymore....
And if you tell him Yes, then just enjoy yourself. Let it be what it is. Give him a whirl and see if things stay feeling friendly with fun sex or if you start to have feelings for him. Be upfront about how you feel, your reservations, etc...
I mean, being attracted to a friend isn't exactly torture...At least you know you already have a friendship. What is hard for me is meeting someone new and trying to develop the friendship at the same time as the physical relationship...you are already half way there.
25 (
The Sweet Spot
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:42:58 PM
Biting and sucking on my neck. Totally. And the most wonderful thing is that my guy can do it without leaving marks so he can do it all he wants... and I just swoon! OMG....sends me to the moon!
And it really turns me on to just look at his chest and rub my hands up and down it, through the lil hairs on it, over his nipples...it's amazing how much that turns me on! Then just continue on down and DESSERT! :) Yep...totally gets me going!
Damn...been too long since I"ve gotten some! What's it been, 2 days? 2 1/2? LOL
30 (
man on top 69
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:35:48 PM
I just realized, reading this, that I have never done 69 with man on top! LOL I have done 69 girl on top and I like a guy to face fvck me, but that is w/me laying down and him sitting/kneeling toward my face.
So...thinking about it, I"m not claustrophobic but I don't think I'd like it b/c of the angle. I don't like doing 69 w/girl on top either b/c his penis is "upside down" from the way I like it. LOL
Kinda a shame, it's nice to have action in 2 places at once! LOL
9 (
Gay dudes blowing up your profile?
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:16:30 PM
Rock, the reason is obvious.... your profile says you are looking for an "intimate encounter". That means you are sex-seeking, and sex-seeking only!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to guess you are really looking for a girlfriend? b/c your profile is nice and normal sounding and not at all sex-seeking sounding. If so, change your profile to looking for dating or relationship or friends.
That's why gay men after you...specifically gay men seeking sex. (gay men not seeking sex would only talk to other openly gay men, I"d say).
Good luck! Oh, and if you want girls to pursue you, take down the pic of you with your arm around a girl... duh. If you must have it up, don't make it youro main picture, and add a caption underneath that explains who she is (not a girlfriend).
10 (
Why make all the sacrifices?
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:44:34 PM
Well, i probably won't have the "popular" opinion around here, but I think it makes sense not to jump into an exclusive committed relationship with someone you've just met, sometimes. I'm not saying you should go have sex w/every chick you meet, but not being exclusive is your choice, your right, and if she doesn't like it, then she doesn't have to date you.
Personally I wouldn't wait "months" to have sex with a boyfriend unless I didn't really think we were going to ever get serious. Hmmm...not sure that came out right. I mean, if I thought he was "serious material" and we were going to build something special, then I don't think I'd feel the need to wait months. A month, maybe. MOnths? No.
On the other hand, if I felt mostly friendship and figured, well I'll date him but doubt this will ever go anywhere, then I very well might not want to engage in a sexual relationship (thus increasing my "number").
But that's me.
And I think if I were to meet a guy and he told me that he wanted to wait "months", I'd probably figure he's not particularly interested in me, he doesn't see me as a serious prospect, so yeah, I'd tell him that fine, but then I didn't want to date him exclusively or commit to him (like you told her). Again, doesn't mean I'd sleep with other guys. Just means that I don't have some imaginary commitment to someone who isnt' really into me. Means I have my freedom to date other guys.
Now of course, if I developed feelings for him and him me, then that would change. I would definitely NOT be with other guys and I would choose to be exclusive, even if we weren't having sex. But hey if you've been ona couple a dates, pretty sure you aren't in love yet. So... can't imagine that's the case.
THe thing is, relationships are built on negotiations. SHe has her perspective and you have yours. SHe has her idea of what dating looks like and you have yours. Doesn't matter how I feel or anyone else.
YOu have to talk to her about it and "negotiate", "compromise". (Put in quotes b/c this isn't a business transaction, after all). She's not impressed? Ok, then talk further, dig deeper, find out what the real issue is. Find out what's in her head. Tell her what's in yours. Share each of your reservations. See if you can find a compromise.
I remember last year I met a guy and we started dating and he said something about being exclusive. Like really fast. I told him that I really wasn't looking to jump into a committed exclusive relationship after 2 dates. He laughed and said he wasn't either, he just felt for safety reasons, he did not want to get into a sexual relationship unless we were only with each other. See? I was ready to run at first thinking the guy was moving too fast when I barely knew him, wanting to get serious in week 1. When really he had no serious intentions, he just felt it was important to spell out being sexually exclusive if we were to engage in a sexual relationship.
If you like her, and want to date her, talk to her further and seek a compromise...or at least seek to understand each other's perspective!
33 (
how would you respond?
Posted: 7/10/2012 6:54:49 PM
If a guy asked me that as a hypothetical, i would not drop him as a friend for asking. I would give the same response I gave here already...
and then I would probe a little as to why he's asking.
It could be what he's really trying to ask is if a woman didn't plan on being with a chick sexually, but circumstances made it happen, how would the woman feel (i.e. would she be bi now, date women, woould she like it, etc)
or maybe he wonders if you are open to 3somes with him and another chick.
Who knows... and again, yes, it could be that he had this happen to him.
or hell, maybe it's his fantasy to watch a woman get eaten out by another woman, blindfold or not.
I wouldn't assume my friend is evil just based on his asking the question. But if it occurred and wasn't hypothetical? yeah, that would be very very bad...definitely a type of rape. I would feel very violated.
27 (
Taker or Giver?
Posted: 7/10/2012 6:38:05 PM
That's a good analysis... and it really shows the wide variety in our warped lil brains I think.
I was thinking of a giver being pushy as in, not waiting for others to take, but taking the initiative to give... But I liked your example of pushing yourself on others when it is uninvited or unwanted. I would consider this to be someone who is clingy, obsessive...ick!
I have come to the conclusion that I am not a giver so much as a nurturer. I like taking care of pets, people, friends, neighbors, kids, etc. But at my core I want to be nurtured back. In my marriage, that was missing. Soon I felt more like my ex's mother than his wife. I hated it.
I am dating a guy now who seems to be a nurturer as well. I joke to him that he's as bossy as me. A simple example is if I am driving and someone doesn't have on a seatbelt, I ask/tell them to put it on. But I"m not used to anyone caring if mine is on. But my boyfriend does. We were pulling out of a parking lot and mine wasn't on yet and he didn't hesitate "put your seatbelt on" I heard. LOL I was shocked...someone else actually tells people what to do?
Of course, the control freak in me isn't quite sure how to mix us together. I want to be "submissive" to my partner, to a certain degree, in that I want to give up control and let him drive occasionally (not literally drive as in a car). I like that he nurtures, gives, bosses, whatever you want to call it, but it's been *so many years* of me having to run a house, kids, pets, etc that I have to learn how to relax my control with my man. The mantle of responsibility is very heavy and there are times I'm not sure if I can carry it adequately. But at the same time, I'm having to learn how to share it. So far, it seems to be when he is at my house, I am more the driver and at his house, he is more the driver, but we work together as a team *most* of the time when no one is driving...
I don't know, maybe I got off track of the giver vs taker, but I think all of these concepts overlap one another in certain ways. and for someone who is sensitive to the concepts in their relationship (sensitive as in "feels" them), it can be a bit of a dance figuring out how it's all gonna work.
Now that I sound batsh*t nuts, let me add the caveat that most of what I shared about my bf and I is in my head. We haven't had any issues come up yet where I have to "submit" or where we are actually bossing each other around. Our relationship is still new enough that we are very polite at each other's houses and we are very respectful of each other's needs, each other's space, etc. Like, if he is cooking dinner at his house, I sorta stand to the side and ask him if he needs help, or how can I help. I don't just barge in and tell him how to cook thinking I know better. And when he's at my house, I tell him what I'm making and ask how that sounds to him, if he likes that food. And at his house, he doesn't tell me to wash his dishes, nor does he criticize me if I am helping him do something. We work together really well...but I guess the cynical part of me worries that we are just "too new" to know if we'll actually mesh when a problem arises...or you know, when we have conflicting plans/wants/needs/ideas.
At this point, we are both very giving, very nurturing to each other. We like cooking for each other, opening our homes up to one another, etc. Last week I had no electricity for a full week (due to a storm) and he did, including a/c. He invited my kids and I to stay with him all we needed to. He fed us, was nice to my kids, etc. He was great! It was so cute watching him cook bfast for me and my kids! I can't really explain what he did that was so great, but let's just say after being in a marriage with someone who acted completely incompetent all the time so he could get out of doing anything for himself, well, I am floored when I am with my bf!
245 (
A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:59:10 PM
Don't you get it???? With all these choices out there (in dating), you'll never focus and settle on one person. You'll always find some lame excuse to reject a man, because "there's somebody else out there better suited for me".
I love it when people use the word "always". It usually means they exaggerated and I won't agree with them. LOL
I don't agree with the quote. IF the OPie had stated 50 different criteria, then perhaps I would agree with the quoted. But she didn't. She asked if it is reasonable to want to date a fellow reader. That's one criteria in my book. And in fact, she qualified that even to say that it's a "thirst for knowledge" she is really looking for in a mate.
I think it is smart to figure out what are your "must haves" and your "doesn't matters". And this is something that we naturally do overtime as we date. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that's one of the reasons dating is important, rather than picking someone out of a book based on a list of qualities and marrying them without dating.
I have my own "must haves" and I"m pretty sure they are different than the OPies. And it's smart for me to limit based on those so that I don't waste some guy's time. Guys of course have their own lists. Some guys for example, want to have babies with a woman. I"m done making babies. I won't date a guy who has that on his "must have" list. That wouldn't be fair to him. Is that wrong for him to limit himself to just women interested in procreating? Well, I think if it's important to him then it's not wrong at all.
And of course, back to the OPie...a reader, a man with a thirst for knowledge, is what gets her going...so let her seek it. I'm pretty sure there are enough fish out there for her to find a man like that.
All I would say is, if you are going to limit your choices to a narrow selection of mates, then don't b*tch about how long it takes you to find a mate. The OPie has not done that, but boy I"ve sure seen people on here do that! "Why can't I find someone who will accept me, just because I"m a crossdressing male who likes to rub up against balloons while having sex and making dog noises at the same time??" Bahahahahahaha....
16 (
Taker or Giver?
Posted: 7/8/2012 9:37:32 PM
No, I disagree. To not give a sh*t is letting them win. That is losing hope, losing spirit.
I give out of love. It is *my choice* to give. I like being a person who cares about others. I would lose an essential part of me if I didn't give a sh*t anymore.
But a giver doesn't mean being a doormat AT ALL. A giver is a friend, who, knows you need encouragement, goes to your house everyday doing cheers. Givers can be very pushy people...giving advice on people who don't want it, etc.
A doormat is someone who lets a spirit vampire suck the spirit out of them....like a vacuum. You aren't freely giving, you are having something forcefully taken from you.
Hmmm... I dunno...
13 (
Taker or Giver?
Posted: 7/8/2012 9:27:55 PM
That's interesting, it's true, what he said. I know I have had "giving" profiles and "Taking" profiles, based on what I"d most recently experienced. Wow. What a way to psychoanalyze ourselves!
I feel like I am going "higher" "lower" "higher" "lower" constantly trying to zero in that magic combination of taking and giving. THis guy was too giving...This guy was too taking...
Wait, how can a guy be too giving?? Hmmm.. I think my oppsites are a bit off...
Anyway, i do find I swing to the extremes from guy to guy ind ating.
Hope this time I stumbled on the right combo! Dating someone now and yes, I do thinking about meeting his needs and is he meeting my needs. honestly, it is something that I "evaluate" in a relatioionship when it's new. And I'm so hopeful that he is the one!
So there's a question for you. Can you read my "got a boyfriend" profile and tell if my taking/giving is in balance? Or am I doing/getting too mucho f one of them? Hmmm...is your tempature taking method helfpul for all profiles, regadless of if we are "looking" or "single not/looking"?
125 (
Finding your partner wearing your underwear!!
Posted: 7/8/2012 9:14:36 PM
I have to say, finding out your partner's kinks is very fun! Whether it be wearing used underwear, wanting me dressed like a schoolgirl, naughty naughty need a spanking, or whatever the hell outs, it's kinda like *ding* you find me sexy when I wear black pushup bras....i found a clue to making you lose control! I like those discoveries!
So yeah, I vote "yes", Wear those panties! Tell me! Let's do it!
7 (
how would you respond?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:42:15 PM
i would never trust him again, would tell him so, walk out of there, and never speak to him again.
The fact that a woman is doing it without your knowledge makes her no different than a vibrator. I mean, it's not like your clit can ID gender.
A big part of getting turned on is watching the man do it, or at leats KNOWING it is him doing it. And in fact a big part of being turned on could be the blindfold.
But if you are already blindfolded and don't know who's down there, then WHO it is becomes meaningless...duh.
I mean, yeah, I'd be grossed out, I'm very hetero, don't get me wrong. but I wouldn't feel shame that I had an orgasm or anything thing. I wouldn't start batting for the other team based on that.
I would, however, hate him and disrespect him for doing something so obviously against my wishes...as any man I'd be intimate with would know I am not interested in chicks at all.
In fact, quite frankly, I would consider it rape. Very much NON consensual for him to bring in a stranger without my consent and knowledge...gender of the stranger meaningless.
My opinion... And if a woman did it to a man, I'd have that same opinion.
42 (
Insomnia and..
Posted: 7/6/2012 9:35:52 AM
My daughter takes Melatonin...it is worth trying. It works for her. She is 11 but needs it to counteract the stimulant effect of ADHD meds. yes, lovely I know, but it does work.
My sister takes Trazadone every night and swears by it. She also has anxiety issues.
My anxiety got really bad after I went into peri-menopause, plus the fact that my life was pure sh*t at the time. I could not sleep b/c I'd ruminate all night long. It was horrible. I started on Effexor, low dose, and that worked really well. I wouldn't choose it as a first choice for sleep issues, but it was good for me b/c my sleep issue was directly related to my anxiety and depression. (turns out anxiety runs in my family) Effexor is very hard to get off of once you start it, so def not a first choice just for sleep problems.
Someone mentioned Tylenol PM...all that is is Benedryl and tylenol. Benedryl is fine to take for a few nights to get your sleep back on schedule, but it tends to have a hangover effect if you take it for too many days in a row...I would not do it personally for more than getting back on a sleep schedule. Just my opinion.
For when my anxiety is really bad, I take a very low dose of valium at night. Just enough to relax me to sleep...then the next day my anxiety is lessened as well. I limit myself to 3-4 a month and many months don't take it at all. No I don't actually count them. I just use that as a guideline. It works really well for me. Things like, night before a job interview, fight w/boyfriend, that kind of thing. Basically it reduces the anxiety enough so t hat I can cope with the problem, take action to fix the problem, plus puts me to sleep very nicely.
If you think sex is what you need, well, there is always the ol' friends with benefits deal. Nothing wrong with that. One summer I was not dating anyone and could not go out at night b/c of the kids, so I met up w/an FWB over lunch once a week for quick sex. *shrug* it worked. It kept me from being desperate for sex, kept my libido calm at a time when dating was just not practical nor was there anyone out there I was interested in dating. It ended when I met a guy I wanted to date that fall.
Don't feel bad that you have a normal, healthy sex drive and crave sex. Don't feel bad that you miss it. There's nothing wrong with that and yes, there are times in our lives when we are just too busy to be in a relationship but still need the physical release...AND the skin to skin contact with another human being. Yes, the skin to skin contact is at least as important as the orgasm. And it does reduce stress, help us relax, help us to feel connected to the universe, even if it's just an FWB. Just be safe, condoms, birth control, and be upfront about why you are with the guy so no one gets hurt.
Good luck!
110 (
Finding your partner wearing your underwear!!
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:55:43 AM
I hate to say this and sound hypocritical, but I'll be honest. If a guy told me this upfront, that he liked to wear women's panties (used, unused, doesn't matter) and lingerie, I'd be turned off and would be unlikely to date him.
But if my bf who I was committed and attached to told me this, I'd be ok with it.
And by "bf", I don't mean my present one, I mean bf in a more general sense.
Once we trust and love someone, I think we are more open to accepting their fetishes (ok, well, I am anyway, even though I know it is hypocritical).
It would mean a lot that he would trust me with his secret. And it would turn me on just to hear what turns him on. And it would turn me on to watch him be turned on!
I think it's really hot to see a guy lose control. And if that's what put him over the edge, yeah, I'd giggle a little, but then I'd do what I could to support the fetish.
Of course, wearing panties or nighties is pretty mild... and this post is about that specifically. If his fetish was something gross or ped related, I'd run for the hills. And if his fetish was still just too weird for me, I can't say that I could stay or support it...we'd be just too different.
But wearing silky panties and masturbating? eh, that's not a big deal. I'd go with it.
161 (
A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:32:00 AM
When I was married, my ex and I both had TONS of books. His mostly non-fiction, and he collected more than read. Mine about 2/3 fiction, and I both collected and read. I got big into Shirley Jackson along the way and in one of her books, she talks about having every wall lined with bookcases as she and her husband, a professor, were both huge readers and collectors of books. This made me feel better about all our books...
When I left him and started out on my own, I still had tons of books and the # of book increasing as usual. I mentioned to my neighbor that my book collection was getting out of control. She smiled and said "Really? I just figure that means I need more bookcases.". She reminded me of what Shirley Jackson said and yes, I added a bookcase to my room. LOL
So I figure...I don't care if my guy reads or not, as long as he accepts my love of reading and my dozen bookcases scattered about the house! And while I wouldn't mind an e-reader, I really love books on paper. I carry books with me everywhere I go, so it's not like I don't always have something on me to read!
A man who accepts me for who I am, faults and all, but who also encourages me to better myself and to grow as a person. That's what I want. A man who can't do that, would be a dealbreaker.
But I am not the OPie. We all have different needs in relationships. Follow your bliss!
52 (
A guy who doesn't read books. Deal breaker?
Posted: 7/3/2012 2:07:42 PM
I am an avid reader. But for me? Absolutely NOT a deal breaker. In fact I find it fascinating the differences in how we all enjoy our lives and take in information.
I recall a discussion with a former guy of mine. He works on cars and loves making things go fast. He is very intelligent. He hated geometry but said if they had only showed him the applications for it, he would have enjoyed it (and as an adult, obviously he has seen teh applications of geometry). But for me, if they had given me chunks of wood and said, here, do geometry, I would have run for the hills...but doing it on paper with shapes, well, I loved that.
We are all different. I know people that learn by doing and people that learn by reading. I learn by reading. I can't STAND books on tape. I don't even want to hear a joke, I want to read a joke. My mom loves both to read and books on tape. I don't learn by doing either. Draw me a map, don't have me drive the route.
I thrive on learning about people and that includes expanding my mind with the way my partner learns, lives, enjoys life.
BUT... I am not you.
If it is that important to you, then perhaps it might be a deal breaker for you.
I have never dated someone where we read the same kinds of books, even if the guy was a reader. My bf likes to read history. Good for him. I enjoy cultural history but only occasionally. I hope he doesn't dump me b/c I don't want to read the same books as him... Pretty sure he doesn't see it as a dealbreaker. Certainly not a dealbreaker to me.
But again, I am not YOU. I have dealbreakers that wouldn't be dealbreakers to other people. It's ok.
14 (
Should I go for dating or GFE escort
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:54:31 PM
1. ignore what you see on craigslist. The kind of women you want to date will not be on there.
2. Ask out other college students. They will understand where you live.
3. Your mom is a handy excuse . The real reason is that you are scared. admit it to yourself so you can conquer your fears.
4. My first love and also my first bf in college lived with his grandma. never once made me think less of him. He was about 25 at the time.
5. Don't try to run before you can walk. Start by talking to girls, see them as fellow humans, not sex toys. Befriend them, and I mean as real friends. Listen to them and get to know how women tick. We are a bit bizarre. Then learn how to flirt. Hey, flirt w/girls at a party, and pay attention to what works and what doesn't, like an experiment. Finally, figure out what types of women float your boat, what interests you. Look for a woman that interests you for what's in her head, not because she is a warm body with a vagina, and not because of her looks. Ask her on a date, and take all the experience you have gathered in befriending women and in flirting with women and apply it so that you don't totally f-ck up the first date. Work your way to a kiss...etc... and eventually you will be ready for sex.
6. Lastly, consider some books on non verbal cues, how to talk to women, how to date, etc, and not the books written by players. I know of guys who had good success doing this.
7. Never ever try to build a relationship via IM or online chat rooms or email. That is a pseudo-experience and it makes you think you are learning and communicating. you aren't. It's fake. Consider how easily a man could pose as a woman and completely fool you for months during chats...if that is true (and it is), doesn't that tell you how unreal chatting with a real woman is? Think about it. There is NO substitution for talking to girls in real life.
8. Lastly, start with college girls in your classes. Pick one that doesn't terrify you, don't pick the hottest fanciest girl, but someone normal , and chat about your assignments etc. just talk. No goals beyond that. And go from there!
Obviously, NO ESCORTS! I would not ever date a man who had gone that route, just sayin'.
43 (
condoms and relationships
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:44:30 PM
1. Never ever ever have sex without being on some sort of birth control unless you are ready to raise a child with that man. Period. No wavering, no compromising.
2. Do you really want to date someone who cares so little for your sexual health? Who reacts to your concerns with derision?
Some guys are very defensive and immature and sure, when a girl says "hey I might get an std, let's use condoms" he'll say "how DARE you suggest I have an STD, why don't you trust me?" and makes her feel like crap for suggesting it...well, that behavior tells me that he will react that way about ALL the parts of the relationship, not just sex. And who wants a relationship with someone who is gonna get defensive when you have concerns or issues to discuss?
Be glad you found out what his personality was like only a month into knowing him...and before he guilt tripped you into compromising your beliefs/values/safety measures...or even worse, left you with a lifelong present of an std or a child you weren't ready for.
21 (
I've Never Had An Orgasm During Sex..... :(
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:31:32 PM
Age really does help for lots of reasons, many already hit on by other posters. Let's see...:
Age of partner or experience level of partner
Knowledge of what gets you off... including how you like touched, how different touches feel, hard or soft, fast or slow, clit or anal or vagina, your moods. BUT also, WHAT turns you on: are you submissive, dominant, both, do you like pain, slow and romantic, are you bicurious or does the idea of 3 men at once turn you on, etc...
Comfort with who you are: Your POF pictures are very seductive looking but they are, how do I put it...like you are posing b/c you think that is what "sexy" means. In other words, you do not appear to see yourself as sexy when you are just you. You have to feel sexual and sexy INSIDE, even when you are all dirty and sweaty from cleaning the house in old shirts and a shapeless t-shirt. You have to see yourself as totally free to express your desires, fantasies, needs. YOu have to feel free to shout and scream when you are turned on. To verbalize what you want or like. To call yourself a dirty girl if that's your style, or tell him you want his hard c=ck if that's your style...whatever it is.
This is where your age is a curse. To feel that level of comfort, I think you need experience and time. When I was your age, I was self-conscious. I would open up "within reason" but not totally. I was afraid of being judged. Still am sometimes, but as the years go by I become more and more confident in expressing what I want. I care less what others think, basically. Think of your dirtiest, craziest fantasy. Now ask yourself, would you be comfortable sharing that with your partner? I don't mean b/c you want to act it out. I just mean, to tell him about it. When you are *that* comfortable, that means you have gotten to a certain point where you feel the freedom needed to *really* feel arousal and to let go to the point of orgasm.
Also...experience with different styles, different penis sizes, different positions. I remember my ex husb loved me on top but I didn't like it, I felt self-conscious, kinda stupid, and not turned on. After the separation, when I had a bf, he did this thing where he grabbed my hips and pulled me toward him, basically a grinding movement instead of up and down. OMG it was totally different feeling...yes, he found my G spot. After that it was just a matter of time before I learned to recognized that feeling when my partner hit my G in any position. And more time after that to get to the point of orgasm. But that took time. It took openness, comfort w/my sexuality, and well, humbling myself enough to admit that I didnt' know everything. LOL
Also, different sized guys hit your insides in different spots. Bigger guys hit a different place than average guys and them different than small guys. So once you learn how to recognize the feeling when someone hits your G, you can wiggle around and work it so that a different sized guy also hits the G...a one night stand won't work, you need time with a partner to get there. And actually, vaginas are not all equal. Some are angled differently than others, and even they are different at different times of the month. While you might love reverse cowgirl, another woman might prefer cowgirl, all based on the angle of the vagina and where the G is.
Orgasm during intercourse is most definitely possible, but it might not happen right away. Be patient with yourself!
45 (
Blow Jobs...
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:45:56 PM
OPie, add in a few more factors -
Age, maturity make a difference because you are more confident now. Plus, if he makes you feel good about yourself, that makes you feel good about trying something new.
I have recently (past few years) figured out that taking a man's most precious body part in your mouth and loving it is a pretty special gift for him. And not just letting but *wanting* him to finish in your mouth or on your face is just about the ultimate loving gift as far as giving him acceptance and showing him how awesome you think his penis is.
I suspect that you can relate to that idea now that you are with a man that you are in love with.
I'm not surprised at all that you would want him to finish that way!
I will warn you that semen taste changes on a day to day or throughout a day basis. How long it's been since they've cum, how much water they have drank recently, the food they are eating, and quite frankly I don't think anyone actually knows how long it takes the intake (food/drink) to go from into his mouth and swallowed to out his penis as semen/ejaculate. A day? a week?
So just saying, it's not always goign to taste the same and not always as good. But it's really not a big deal either way. Swallow it and it's done.
And...lastly...now that you have discovered how much fun swallowing is...have you ever had a guy finish on your face? it's not degrading if you don't think it is. I think it's hot and it's fun and totally sexy...esp if you are onyour knees in front of him. I always shut my eyes but tilt my face up at him and smile, mouth open, tongue out, that kind of thing...
Degrading, no. But again, showing total love for his c0ck, for his cum, YES, totally. It's like "Cover me in your love juices, baby!" kinda thang...
And...if he really is a special lover, it won't end with him cumming in yoru mouth. Because special lovers encourage you to express your desires, new desires, questions, ideas, fun... As in "hey I saw this once, wanna try it?" or "I'm kinda bored with the bedroom, where could we have sex next? backyard? shower?" etc.... And you'll learn more and more about yourself and you'll orgasm more and more. And it feeds on itself...because you anticipate the pleasure, seeing him makes you wet and ready and then you orgasm more quickly!
As for him finishing quickly...make sure he spends a goodly amt of time on foreplay for you so that youa re about to trigger already when he enters you. And yeah, I'd shoot for rounds 2 and 3 if you can... hee hee it's all about having fun together. Don't see it as a problem, see it as an opportunity for LOTS of sex to figure out what works best! :)
Have fun!
47 (
Didnt stay 2 more hrs, relationship over.
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:28:08 PM
This might sound a little mean, but DUDE, GROW SOME BALLS!
Seriously, if what youa re saying is true, grow some balls...she's an immature flake. good riddance. Real Men don't put up with crap like that. Only a ball-less wuss would mourn the loss of an inconsiderate girl who breaks up after something so stupid.
And yeah, my first thought was pull the stupid plug, who the hell would try to sleep in a room with a noisy tv on? what, no problem solving skills either?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop wanting someone so immature and inconsiderate.
Take this opportunity to think about where you want to be in 10 years, and what kind of person you want to be with.
Respect yourself, I dont' think you do.
If you respect yourself, you won't feel like crap when an idiot breaks up with you over nothing. You will be grateful you only wasted 3 months on her and no more. That you found out what she was really like before too too long.
Good luck.
38 (
Sex Drives
Posted: 5/27/2012 6:42:04 AM
I know a guy who suggested that my high sex drive was due to my ex making me feel like crap and not wanting me...so now that I am divorced I am, what, making up for it? I don't know, his logic didn'tw ork for me. But incidentally, that would describe him pretty well. LOL Oh yeah It hink it was like he needs women to make him feel like a desireable person b/c his ex didn't...so he was putting that on me.
But regardless of his logic, he got me to thinking about WHY I have such a high sex drive.
I thought it was b/c I am done w/the babymaking and marriage business and now I just enjoy the pleasure and company of a male companion. Kinda like I can relax now and do what I want.
But I thought back...and you knwo what? I was just as horny and into sex when i was 20. Unfortunately, that's when I met my ex...and he had very little sex drive, and NO imagination. If that wasn't enough, he gained a lot alot alot of weight. and then turned into a TOTAL jerk when his real self came out (when the honeymoon phase was over and I fell of my pedastal).
So a lot of things led to me having no sex drive while married.
now that I am single again, I am just like I was when I was 20. With the added benefit of being in a different phase of life, plus the wisdom of age has led me to understand that sex is good clean fun and not degrading, not dirty, not forbidden. At 20, i didn't want my mom to know I had a sex life. At 39, I don't care that she knows...I mean, geez, I'm not a nun. Plus I have more experience now and I know what turns me on. At 20 I was still trying to figure out how to orgasm.
At 20 intercourse didn't bring an orgasm, only masturbation. At 39, I orgasm multiple times during intercourse because I know the positions that bring it on, and I feel free to express what I want, do what I want, get what I want. And I know I am good at it, I enjoy bringing my partner to orgasm, making him happy and bringing him bliss...at 20 I was afraid I couldn't or would screw it up. Experience, wisdom, etc. So sure I have a crazy drive b/c I know how good it will be.
At 20 I was skinny. At 39 I have curves and I accept my body, flaws and all.
Lots of things contributed in my case. I think at 20 I had the internal drive, but didn't know what to do with it. At 39, same drive, but hell yeah I know what to do with it!
Of course, at 20, finding a life partner was far easier than at 39...sex is easy to get at my age, life long partner is what's hard to find. Unfortunately, I am ready for both now and most men are married or damaged so much they don't want a life partner. (yes it took about 3 years of separation to get there, had to heal from the ***hole's marriage to me).
Oh yeah, plus at my age, I know that long term relationships are really hard to maintain and it's not a good idea to "settle"....so I am much more hesitant to commit. I, too, am damaged to an extant, regardless of how hard I try to heal myself.
As far as men's sex drives, the only thing I've really pickded up on is that at my age, some men feel like they've seen it all and they get bored easily. Of course, other men are more like me, they know they are good in bed and they really enjoy pleasing their partner. And they know what they like, they enjoy new experiences and trying new things. Their sex drive is plenty high, but it's not random booty they want, they only want to have sex if she's going to be as good in bed as they are.
I think a 20-some year old guy is still grateful to just get laid. If she's not that good, who cares. He's like "OMG, BOOBIES! And she's letting me *touch* them, wow, I'm so happy!!!". Whereas the 30's and 40's-some year old says "Eh, hers are ok, but I like the chick's over there better, I'm really not into big/small/droopy/fake/whatever breasts."
I dunno, I'm not a guy, so just speculating here... And of course, we are ALL individuals, no one answer fits us all...
24 (
guy has difficulty reaching orgasm
Posted: 5/22/2012 4:16:25 PM
Testosterone is highest in the mornings. Plus you are fresh and not exhausted from the day. I have a guy friend who can rarely orgasm in the evening, but is a 60 seconder (something like that?) in the mornings... His girlfriend is used to it and just doesn't expect him to cum at night.
Try to relax your standards, be ok with not cumming for awhile maybe. It's rather nice to fvck for awhile, take a break, get a drink of water, talk, then go again, then take a break, maybe play with each others bodies for a bit, ease into it again...etc... take advantage of the ability to have extended bouts of sex.
In other words, use it to your advantage! Some of my best sexual memories are with a guy who couldn't orgasm easily. We'd have sex on and off all evening long, then again in the night, and then in the morning he'd POP quick quick. We had time to play around with different positions, toys, touching, locations,e tc. and with guys who can only go once or twice and are finished you don't get that as easily.
And once you stop *trying* to orgasm...you may find it happens more easily on it's own!
36 (
50 Shades of Grey
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:18:18 PM
Eh, I've been reading erotica for years. I can't imagine there's anything in that series that's that new or unusual.
Sounds like the newest fad. Like the Harry Potter people have never read a fantasy book before so they are all "wow'ed" by it... or the Twilight people reading a vampire romance for the first time. *snooze*
I really enjoy the publisher "ellora's cave". They are a good one to check out. I like Jaid Black's books.
I do like that the 50 shades books are getting women talking about what turns them on. And it's getting women to think a bit outside their own little love box (so to speak *snicker*). Sex isn't dirty or bad or degrading, in my opinion...no matter what style you prefer. I'm happy if anything gets people to open their minds a bit!
14 (
no no no no
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:11:18 PM
Re: Testosterone... Some believe it helps w/sex drive, some don't. There are lots of different opinions out there.
I'm menopausal, I"m on hormones (not the cream), and I have a raging wild sex drive...and no I"m not taking testosterone. And my vagina is just fine thank you (but I"m on hormones so it should be, plus I haven't been in menopause that long and have been on hormones of one kind or another for the last 6 years straight). I'm just saying, no supplemental testosterone here and my drive is great.
11 (
vagina problem
Posted: 5/19/2012 9:40:15 AM
No it is not tissue buildup^^^ Quite the opposite, the vagina atrophys and thins after menopause without supplemental estrogen in the form of a cream or pill.
I had a friend recently tell me that before she had a procedure done, she had to use estrogen cream daily for 2 months. She is post-menopausal and this is why. I asked my dr about it (b/c I am in menopause really early) and she said yes they want the vagina in the best shape possible before doing procedures through it (like a hysterectomy for example).
So one could conclude the estrogen cream would make the vagina "in the best shape possible" for intercourse as well!
Our local "Red Hot Mamas" group regularly does presentations on sex after menopause and the issues that can arise. vaginal atrophy is very really, unfortunately.
It's easily remedied, but definitely needs addressed if she wants to have comfortable and pleasurable intercourse!!!
33 (
More about anal.....seriously there is more
Posted: 5/19/2012 12:11:28 AM
I agree with chickie above ^^^^.... If you are behind her and your c0ck is hitting her G spot through the anal and vaginal walls, she'll come like mad!
Which is kinda funny, really... that anal feels good because the penis is pushign on part of the vagina...hmmm...But you know, it feels different than vaginal sex and somehow, I guess it can be worth doing, if a girl is in teh mood for it. (Which has only happened to me twice...dont' see it happening again soon)
19 (
Men wearing their socks during sex
Posted: 5/17/2012 7:01:03 PM
Or how about "I wear my sunglasses at night"? Let's sing that while we fornicated partially clothed!
Show ALL Forums


text:
Cover Story | Plant Life | On Fitness | Taste | Now & Then | Sunday Punch | Letters |
GREAT PLANT PICKS As our Northwest list grows, so does its usefulness
The ambitious program, begun in 2000 and funded by the Miller Botanical Garden Trust, has made great progress toward its goal of creating a comprehensive list of the finest plants available for Northwest gardens. British gardeners, courtesy of the Royal Horticultural Society, have been aided by such an authoritative and useful list for nearly 200 years. Now, with more than 160 Great Plant Picks and more to come, we're well on the way toward a version tailored to our own climate. By this time next year, Fulcrum Books and the plant-picks team will have published a book certain to become a standard gardening reference, with color photos and cultural information for all of the picks. For now, the complete list of winners, plus photos and fact sheets, are on the Web at www.greatplantpicks.org. You can also see a fine selection of this year's chosen plants up close and personal at the Flower & Garden Show Feb. 19-23, displayed in the south lobby of the Washington State Convention & Trade Center.
All plants nominated have to be hardy in USDA Zones 7 and 8. Judges select for plants that are long-lived, interesting in more than one season, reasonably disease- and pest-resistant, and that refrain from spreading too aggressively.
The problem is that gardeners face a bewildering number of choices with these more common plants. This is where Great Plant Picks can make such a difference. If you select by appearance alone, you may be sorely disappointed, for good lookers aren't always good performers. If only we all had the experience and energy to thoroughly consider the habits of every single plant before its roots ever touch the soil of our gardens. Now we don't need to; experienced plant-picks horticulturists are busy doing the screening for us. Their 2003 list includes three types of clematis and six superlative cultivars and species of crabapples and Japanese maples. Committee members rely not just on their own considerable knowledge, but on numerous site visits to evaluate specialized plant collections at nurseries and public gardens. Richie Steffen, coordinator of horticulture at the Miller Botanical Garden and a member of the plant-picks shrub committee, explains the advantages of evaluations that have extended over the three-year life of the program: "We've been watching these plants long enough to distinguish between them and really determine which ones are best." Here are a few of this year's best plants for Northwest gardens: Clematis 'Duchess of Albany': A charming, small clematis, the Duchess has rosy pink, bell-shaped flowers for most of the summer. Anemone nemorosa: Judges selected all cultivars of this little daisy-like wood anemone, which blooms with the bulbs, then dies back to allow space for perennials. Lathyrus vernus: A shrubby, lavender, sweet-pea-like flower, notable for its early February bloom time. Mahonia x media 'Charity': An 8-foot-tall evergreen winter-bloomer with distinctively toothed leaves and fragrant yellow flowers followed by dark purple berries. Elaeagnus pungens 'Maculata': A fall-blooming, small evergreen, with problem-free toughness and glossy variegated foliage. Malus 'Red Jewel': A small tree with remarkable disease resistance, white flowers and a profusion of little red fruits in autumn. Vitis vinifera 'Purpurea': A medium-size grape vine with richly colored leaves that start out green and darken to deeply purple as the season progresses. Acer palmatum 'Shishigashira': A slow-growing, small tree known as the lion's mane maple for its small, fluffy leaves, which turn bright yellow and orange in autumn.
Valerie Easton is a Seattle free-lance writer and contributing editor for Horticulture magazine. Her e-mail address is email@example.com. |
Cover Story | Plant Life | On Fitness | Taste | Now & Then | Sunday Punch | Letters |

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Mischa "intent" and "motivation" – i.e. Mistakes and failures make your work honest and human, and … to find the honesty, beauty and humanity in failure – rather than to the artworks in-themselves.
The manifesto itself was widely successful in that it got notoriety and a wiki. If had been called Remodernist Community and listed the intent and motivational values they share, there wouldn't have been any notoriety.
People are responding to the feelings rather than content.
….something outside of one's own personal experiences (à la Stravinsky's Le sacre du printemps)… thus, Stravinsky was attacked from some perspectives as being a "trickster" for his lack of "self-expression" in his art.
Yeah, manifestos do tend to be prescriptive rather than descriptive and that is antithetical to artistic process.
In fact, Remodernism's call upon the past means that to the POMO years have to be made up somehow.
… prescriptive rather than descriptive and that is antithetical to artistic process
Bhagavad Gita (transl. Sri Aurobindo): 4. 19. Whose inceptions and undertakings are all free from the will of desire, whose works are burned up by the fire of knowledge, him the wise have called a sage.
4. 22. He who is satisfied with whatever gain comes to him, who has passed beyond the dualities, is jealous of none, is equal in failure and success, he is not bound even when he acts.
The artistic process: problem solving i.e. creating solutions to the problems of hierarchical elementary constructions (in whichever medium); momentary inspirations; no egoistic thought for failure or success. In other words, a preoccupation with intrinsic formal problems of creating artworks.
Thus, being preoccupied with the extrinsic motivations and intents of other people (i.e. the Remodernist's preoccupation with Kubrick's so-called attempt to make "objective" and "dishonest" art) ought not be an element of an "honest" artistic creed, imo.
Sorry if I seem to be nit-picking here, but in my mind these are important things to consider when an artist decides to put forth his/her creed: imo it ought to be either a) defended with compelling logic, or b) withdrawn altogether.
A rebuttal of sorts to my objections has been offered: the opening statement of the Manifesto (Art manifestos, despite the good intentions of the writer should always "be taken with a grain of salt"… ), and Peter's statement that "They would not come on here defending this document, because, like a Buddhist would say 'there is nothing to defend. literally no-thing" – but this is not a very intelligent rebuttal imo, because it leaves begging the question: why bother writing the Manifesto for us to read in the first place if there is literally nothing within it to defend (from the point of view of the actual artistic process)?
Hence, my bafflement at the existence of the Manifesto.
Anyways, very soon I'm gonna watch those Remodernist shorts which were linked on the previous page of this thread, and I am in high anticipation for the experience!
The manifesto itself was widely successful in that it got notoriety and a wiki.
Notoriety and a wiki = success? Come on, Robert.
Okay, I just viewed So tell me again, Self Portrait, Liska and Tulp/Tulip.
To be sure, this style of filmmaking does indeed interest me a great deal.
All of these films gave me aesthetic emotions upon viewing, though not incredibly strong ones, to be honest. However, I find interesting that Remodernism is influenced by filmmakers whose technical aesthetics involve long and smooth steady takes with lush cinematography, etc (i.e. Tarkovsky, Tarr, etc); and so after reading some more articles about Remodernism on MungBeing, I initially expected to see such techniques employed in the shorts because they were mentioned as influences, but was pleasantly surprised to see a wildly different visual aesthetic (apart from Liska, and particularly in So tell me again, which reminded me more of Jonas Mekas' style).
In Self Portrait, Peter claims a gift as a filmmaker which he must fulfil if he is going to be "honest" with himself and God, or something to that effect, and this seems to me to be the element of "spirituality" which he is attempting to obtain in his films i.e. "honest self-expression"; but again, I strongly disagree with this notion of "honest spirituality", because I feel that it is too self-absorbed, egoistic and narcissistic to be genuinely spiritual. I personally find spirituality to be more about "killing desire, the enemy of the soul", and renouncing the ego, in an effort to "connect" with reality.
When I mentioned in an earlier post that the creative process involved focusing one's energy upon the intrinsic properties of their creation, I was not trying to suggest that an artist ought to work within an isolated bubble, ignoring other artistic practices of other people; on the contrary, influences are natural, but I would hope that for the sake of creativity, inspiration and improvisation that artists would stay open-minded to all kinds of artworks (including Kubrick films) in the hope of achieving an aesthetic emotional response from any particular artwork (its intrinsic properties) which one comes into contact with at any particular time. In other words, being overly exclusive to specific styles of art would be a killer of creativity to at least some extent, imo.
Alright, I of course admire the fact that you guys wanna be "true" to your own style, etc, and not just copy the Hollywood system in an attempt to be "successful" filmmakers, etc. But I think that the problem with bemoaning the lack of interest in a more personal style of artistic expression is actually counterintuitive, because of course there will be a smaller interest in the more, shall we say, "unusual" stylistic and formal techniques of art.
For instance, in music, many, many people are simply content to listen to mass produced pop on the radio in the car on the way to and from work, and also in clubs when dancing, etc; for them, music does not function as an expressive artform, as a mode of "self-expression" or "deep spirituality", but rather as something in the background to pass the time and the boredom of silence, etc, or in the background during a social activity, for instance.
It's a similar deal with other artistic mediums. And so, as I mentioned above with the Bhagavad Gita quotes, an artist, imo, is better off focusing their creative energy on realising their projects themselves, rather than focusing too much time and energy upon getting angry about what the masses are interested in, such as Kubrick films.
So anyway, I'm gonna watch some more of those shorts, but to be honest, I still don't understand the necessity of the "Remodernism" moniker; you guys could surely make just as good – if not better – films without it ;)
I have read the manifesto, i have seen Jesse's vids and read something online. I felt inspired to shoot something. I have done research on Mono Aware and Miksang. I have tried to "experienced" the process more than anything. Restrictions and restraints can bring interesting results or Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen like Bresson used to say.
Honestly I have to say that if a manifesto brings a bunch of filmmakers together who can make the work that the remodernists are making, hats off — we should have more of them!
@Z Notoriety and a wiki = success? Come on, Robert.
Absolutenee !
The first order of business is to raise awareness – get yourself noticed !!!
^ well raising awareness doesn't come with success unless your work is good, or you know someone.
I think in this case, the work is good.
I've seen Heidi Beaver's Lost.
Can we get some links for other films that are available online? And if people can prioritize them—giving a few that I should see first—that would be greatly appreciated. Mahalo!
I'll try to find some to post later today!
As Peter said, "Jesse would be the first to say that he doesn't want to talk about this anymore, (which is probably why he isn't chiming in here) he wants the work to speak for itself."
this is pretty much the case. I wrote a manifesto, some essays (as did Peter) about Remodernism, I've been interviewed multiple times (including the recent Filmink article), did two podcasts (one with Peter) and one coming soon from Syndromes and a Cinema. So I feel like I've said quite enough for now concerning Remodernism. It's all there to find online.
again here: "The bottom line is that this thing was written for filmMAKERS, not film lovers or film theorists or film historians. The films themselves are for everyone."
so yeah, I don't really feel like I have to chime in much here. It just doesn't seem needed, for precisely the reasons Peter mentioned.
I am working on making "In Passing" more widely available, now that we have done the premiere. When there is news on that I will share it.
Jazz and others asked about other remodernist films. I am embedding some things here. Please go to the page and watch them full screen and in the high quality option, ok?
OK here's some stuff in random order:
Peter Rinaldi (Self Portrait) from Peter Rinaldi on Vimeo.
Shutting Up from Peter Rinaldi on Vimeo.
Short Film from Peter Rinaldi on Vimeo.
Poor Edward from EFS Film Archive on Vimeo.
Lost from Heidi Beaver on Vimeo.
Closure of Catharsis (Trailer – A Feature Film By Rouzbeh Rashidi – 2011) from Rouzbeh Rashidi on Vimeo. (trailer only)
Zoetrope (Trailer – A Feature Film By Rouzbeh Rashidi – 2011) from Rouzbeh Rashidi on Vimeo. (trailer only
days gone not forgotten from Jesse Richards on Vimeo.
so tell me again from Jesse Richards on Vimeo.
wonder about patterns in your head from Jesse Richards on Vimeo.
Shooting at the Moon from Jesse Richards on Vimeo. (low resolution early edit version for dialup from around 1999. Better quality version possibly lost on dead hard drive).
Sex and Lies from Jesse Richards on Vimeo. (trailer only, film lost)
Unfortunately there are A LOT more films by Harris and others that are not available online, (and there are more online too) but this is what I had time to find and post at the moment.
Thank you, Jesse — this is fantastic!
And also, for working on making In Passing accessible to Mubi members. I can't wait to discuss it with everyone!
Just to chime in, I think that there are three aspects of the conversation that could still use more discussion, and I'd like to highlight them because they pose important questions to our juncture in cinematic history.
1) The critique of postmodernism here relies on an understanding of postmodernism that could use some serious work. While postmodern art is generally associated with the foregrounding of form or ideas and generally associated with irony, those theorizing the postmodern as a moment of cultural history go quite a bit beyond that and diagnose the contemporary moment with a precision that I don't think the critique would suggest. Lyotard's Postmodern Condition refers to this not as a movement or as a passing fad but as a condition, which has important implications below. What about Baudrillard's hyperreal? It seems to me that film needs to address these ideas to a certain extent, and before we start talking about the great evacuation of spirit and feeling that postmodernism supposedly represents, we should probably come to some agreement about what postmodernism is or what it might have to offer.
2) The most important question is how these films meet with our current moment. That's the question that keeps getting pushed to the fore in this thread but one that's not been answered (as far as I've been able to read). To me, an adequate understanding of postmodern philosophy would likely help (postmodern as a term may be the problem…as Mr. Richards points out above, the work's more important than the term anyway). Why not extend postmodern film to encompass works like Drive and Enter the Void, which are both concerned with some of the Remodernism's central questions/concerns?
3) An important thing to consider is the postmodern as a condition. A condition is not something subject to a dialectical opposition, and philosophy of the past 30 years generally regards the patterns within culture and politics as being a condition. So, as a condition, we can't break out of it by doing the opposite, so the project of refinding modernism seems to me a false one. Postmodernism can't really be considered a definite break with modernism anyway but a space and time in which the central tenets of modernism (axiomatic truth, teleological or unilinear history) became untenable. What I mean to say is that we can't go back, and to attempt to carve a future out for cinema by going back to the old greats seems retrograde and pointless to me. To find one's way out of a condition, one must work that escape out of the terms of that condition itself. So, something I've been interested in is seeing ways in which artists have used the facts of modern (post-modern, whatever) existence to gesture toward an escape.
So, what I guess that means for a movement is that rather than outrightly rejecting the current patterns in art that it can't uphold, to attempt to find a way out through their current significance rather than through some return to a past that's most likely in the imagination anyway.
And, a word on manifestoes: they typically serve to carve out a space for one's work. Truffaut's Certain Tendency of French Cinema and the work in Cahiers carved out a space for those directors to participate. Dogme 95 clearly sets itself a problem to be solved and thus carves out a space to work. Maybe part of the issue people are having is with the tag of a movement being attached to what seems to me like a pretty heterogeneous group of films and videos. If you want to make the case for this as a movement, that's fine, but if so, I think making a case for these films outside of the scope of Dogme, mumblecore, American structural experimental film, and the work of directors like Tarr, Denis, or Martel seems somewhat necessary. It might end up that like most movements, we'll end up with a series of some interesting and some uninteresting directors loosely connected with their affiliation with a manifesto that may or may not actually do work.
ToddJ, thanks so much for this thoughtful contribution to the discussion.
One point among others you posted above that I find interesting is this:
So, something I've been interested in is seeing ways in which artists have used the facts of modern (post-modern, whatever) existence to gesture toward an escape.
Let's talk about how this movement is doing that, because I think that it clearly is, and I'd say in a decided way, trying to move away from the way film is usually used to express well, many things.
Nice piece, especially fleshing out POMO as a condition.
A couple of things:
Remodernism wants to embrace the good aspects of Modernism. Western 'movements' have at their core the notion of progress in terms of insights. ( Mondrian: I don't paint to make pictures I paint to figure things out.) Obviously, embracing the past is counter to this and why there is in Remodernism a tilt towards an Eastern outlook i.e. tradition or as they put it 'convention'.
Far from being a rebellion or revolution Remodernism is quite conservative. The next generation, two generations removed from Modernism, really isn't gonna gave much to rebel against; thus, what we have is passing down of a more traditionalist approach.
To sit in front of the proverbial 'blank canvas' in a cynical, ironic, self-reflexive condition must be really quite daunting – I have to empathize with the post-POMO generation.
FWIW: To approach the spiritual in art, one will make as little use as possible of reality, because reality is opposed to the spiritual. (Piet Mondrian)
Robert I don't know that it's a return to something old-fashioned so much as an acknowledgment and statement that not everyone thinks the same. This is a different aesthetic, period. A return to the past is neither possible nor desired. We're not talking about Ms. Havisham here. Nor Norma Desmond. Come on.
Remodernism existing does not negate other movements/ways of doing art. It just, as ToddJ says, carves a place for itself among all the work going on around it.
Not to mention that the concept of "modern" as we know it via design, for example, is really actually rather old-fashioned in this day and age.
^ Yes. Thank you Jen. Remodernism is neither particularly traditional nor conservative.
Also we are getting the film out to Mubi (mailing the DVD to the Paris offices imminently).
Thanks for posting the videos, Jesse. I enjoyed Peter's "self-portrait." (Hopefully, it was meant to be funny—at least the part when he gets to Heidi's house and the third person.) Btw, I tried going to the vimeo page, and I didn't notice an high quality option.)
Is the film, "Tulp/Tulip" above Heidi Beaver's "Lost", also her film?
I must say that I don't watch a lot of shorts, and I'm wondering if there is a different aesthetic and way of approaching/thinking of short films (especially the ones that are less than five minutes). My sense is that they are more like abstract works of art. So maybe we're meant to see interesting images or maybe the filmmakers have a very simple idea and they want to see if they can execute it in an interesting way. ?
Sure Jazz, my pleasure. Tulp/tulip is by Roy Rezaali.
Hmm… I'm reluctant to speak for the other filmmakers, but I can say that for me, I don't usually have a specific plan for the length of a film beforehand. I may know that it will be a short, but because I improvise the whole thing from beginning to end, I just follow the path until I feel that it has reached the point that it needs to reach. So it's basically a feeling that I follow to a conclusion- or at least the place where it stops (which maybe isn't always a conclusion). I'm curious what the others might say about their process of doing a short…
Does that answer your question?
^ That's how I work, except in special cases like the Ergodic and #Occupy Cinema, in which case there's a little more structure. But not a whole hell of a lot.
Well, to be honest, I'm not even sure about what I'm asking. I guess in my limited experience with short films, many seems very abstract and more like sketches of a concept or idea (that could be developed into a feature length film). They feel fragmentary, and not very unified. So in a way, these shorts don't feel complete or whole, but feel like rough drafts, preliminary films for something later on.
This not always the case, of course. I think Rinaldi's "Self-Portrait" seemed fairly complete. Your "Days Gone But Not Forgotten" also feels that way, too.
I imagine there isn't one answer, or one right answer to this, but it would be interesting to hear filmmakers to share their attitude and approach to short films and if there are different to feature length films.
When you say you're films are improvised, does that mean you don't have a general idea or framework for the film? For example, many different forms of jazz utilize a framework—based on chord changes and a melody and a structure for the improvisations. For example, the group will start of playing the melody of the tune, then the musicians will take turns improvising and then end the song playing the melody or the head. This is all understood before playing the song. So it's not pure improvisation, but improvisation within a preconceived structure and approach. Do you have something like this before you approach your films?
Is there a different purpose and approach to making short films (less than five minutes) versus more feature length films?
Jazz I won't speak for others but in my case, making the kinds of shorts I make is like writing poetry. Very different from a novel.
For me, the idea is to capture a thought or a feeling and impart it to the viewer. Very simple. Almost like a meditation on a short period of time, an experience in a particular moment, an emotion, a thought. It isn't about an epic story, stretching over time, but an experience in the present, even if that experience contains some memory of the past.
Here's an example, which I made for STL Video:
I really like what you said. It seems to fit a lot of short films (including the one you made), and I find your response helpful in approaching and appreciating some of these short films. I'm assuming that at the very least you have some vague notion of the feeling or thought you're trying to capture. I'd guess that there would be some forethought about the concept of the short, too. So for your short, prior to shooting, did you know you wanted to focus on the side-mirror and then eventually end with the car speeding off? (I'm just guessing about different aspects you might have known prior to filming.)
Btw, I liked your clip.
But I do feel uncertain about evaluating these shorts.
Thanks, Jazz!
I take footage. Then I put it together when I have a certain feeling or thought. I work very instinctively, this comes from painting and drawing from my own inspiration. With film editing, it's almost a little like collage and painting together, but with sound and pacing. I just really love working with a moving image, and everything that comes along with it. It suits me.
But are you saying you randomly shoot footage and then when you get a feeling, you dig through all of this footage and assemble it? That's pretty interesting. I wouldn't have guessed that with the short you posted. On the other hand, the "fire" does seem to be something added on; but the shots with the side mirror.
Yes. Exactly. I feel, think, find, assemble, make it move, make it speak. :)
With the exception of the Ergodic project, and my #Occupy Cinema project, which were somewhat more deliberate in intent — i.e. shooting what I thought about shooting.
Well ok other times, I do this sort of thing, which is totally spontaneous. I shot this not long after I woke up. The crows in the trees were footage shot at random not many days before. But shooting myself here was deliberate:
So I guess, as I talk about my own work, it all depends…
There is always however, even when there is some deliberation and planning, like for my Ergodic piece (Letters), an element which is just like Jesse describes — it goes where it wants to go.
Odi said, …it goes where it wants to go.
You mean while you're filming? I think it would be interesting to make a film where you start filming something and you let the "movie" go where it wants to go—without any edits or post-production work. That would be something truly improvisatory. I'm not sure how good the films would turn out, though.
Doubtless that kind of "it goes where it wants to go" exists.
However, I do know that Straight 8 does something like this — i.e., no editing.
Garage also has a project page for Straight 8, check it out.