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Reading Comprehension Fail
May 8, 2013
I'm a 24-year-old straight, married female. I have been religiously reading your column in the Portland Mercury since I was 16. Thank you for explaining things that my parents wouldn't and for helping me clear the hurdles of adolescence!
I turn to you now for advice. Five months ago, I married the man of my dreams. He was driven, hardworking, loving, and happy. We had amazing, cosmic, and connected sex, and we enjoyed pleasing each other. We have been together for a little over a year. I realize now that it was WAY too soon to get married, but I let my romantic side get the best of me, and so here we are. We are miserable. Now when it comes to sex, it's the furthest thing from my mind. When it does happen, it's very one-sided. I rarely get off, and if I do, it's on my own after he finishes because "it's too much work" to get me off. That's problem one.
Problem two is that on our wedding night, he broke his foot and couldn't work as a result. After his foot healed, he quit his job. He told me he "didn't want to do that kind of work anymore." So now I work an exhausting full-time job, support both of us on a salary barely big enough for one, and come home every day to a filthy apartment. Here's what my husband does all day: plays video games and jerks off to porn. Every time I broach the subject of him getting a job or picking up after himself, all hell breaks loose. I have brought up marriage counseling, because lately neither of us is the best at respectfully communicating, and his response is "You can go, but I'm not going." I thought about withholding sex until he finds a job, but I don't know how big of a threat that poses as we have sex MAYBE once a week as it is. I would appreciate any advice you have for making this work, as I am not ready to give up.
Too Soon To Quit
I can't tell you how much your letter saddens me, TSTQ.
Someone who started reading my column at age 16—and that's just the right age to start reading my column—should've known better than to marry a man she'd been dating for seven short months. And someone who has been reading my column for eight years should know what to do about a useless, unemployed, inconsiderate spouse: Call a divorce lawyer.
But you're not ready to give up on this marriage, TSTQ, because an ill-advised quickie marriage is one thing (crazy whirlwind romance!), and a well-advised quickie divorce is another (sober acceptance of reality). So here's my second-best advice for you: Move the fuck out. Tell your shitty husband that you're not ready to divorce him, but that you refuse to live with a man who doesn't have a job, doesn't cook or clean, and isn't interested in talking to a counselor and working on his marriage. Tell him you're moving out to preserve your sanity and whatever small chance this marriage has of succeeding.
Once you move out, TSTQ, your husband can find a job and pay his own rent, or he can sit on the couch until his landlord has him evicted. If he gets his shit together, maybe you can stay married. If he doesn't, well, then maybe you'll be ready to give up.
All that said, the fact that you're not ready to give up on this marriage ultimately doesn't mean two squarts. Because your husband has given up on it. Your husband is making himself unbearable because he wants out. But instead of being an adult and asking for a divorce, your husband is doing everything in his power to drive you away. He doesn't work, he doesn't help pay the bills or clean the house, and he would rather play video games than fuck you. This is a man who—consciously or subconsciously—wants out of this marriage, TSTQ, and I predict that his shitty, inconsiderate behavior will escalate until he gets what he wants: out.
My wife and I are bi and monogamish, and we occasionally invite other swell guys, girls, and couples into our bedroom. We're crazy liberal hippies, and thus far have fooled around exclusively with similar folks. It's difficult at the best of times to find couples where both members are bi, so when we find one, we tend to pursue them with wild abandon. We've recently been corresponding with a duo that seems perfect in every regard (bi, hot, intelligent). Our problem: In their last e-mail, they labeled themselves as "compassionate conservatives," which set off our socially progressive warning bells. Do we move on? Or do we keep politics off the table and go for it? Friends don't let friends fuck Republicans, right?
Bisexual But Bipartisan?
I used to take a hard line on sleeping with conservatives—friends don't let friends fuck Republicans and all that—but I've evolved. Today I support sleeping with conservatives... because someone has to fuck some sense into 'em. Might as well be you guys, BBB.
I have an ethical dilemma. I'm an escort and a pro Domme. I have a ridiculous sex drive (it's silly how much sex I want to have!) and I'm single. I'm also queer. But lately I find myself mostly hooking up with dudes for two reasons:
1. I think it's important to also have nontransactional sex with dudes.
2. It's easier to have casual sex with dudes because I rarely get emotionally attached to dudes. Like almost never.
If I use protection with these dudes, and I'm getting tested every three months, do I owe these onetime players the truth about what I do for a living?
Sexworker Troubled Intellectually
People who enjoy hooking up with strangers—people who have casual one-night stands with people they don't know and may not see again—should go into those hookups knowing these two things:
1. The person they're hooking up with has probably done this before. As that's the case, having sex in this context—i.e., in the context of a sleazy and fun hookup—carries a higher degree of STI risk than having sex in the context of, say, a committed relationship. Because duh.
2. They need to take all reasonable precautions while bearing in mind that condoms, even when used correctly, do not provide 100 percent protection.
So, STI, as long as you're using protection/condoms, you're doing right by your one-night stands. Your dudes are entitled to consideration and a reasonable concern for their well-being, and it sounds like they're getting both. They are not entitled to your complete sexual history or your work résumé. If someone isn't comfortable with the risks inherent in casual sex—if someone wouldn't want to sleep with a sex worker, say, or an editor at Breitbart—that person needs to inquire as to whether the person they've just picked up is a sex worker or an idiot. The onus is on them.
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Comments (122) RSS
Also, picture that the way it is now in your marriage is the way it will be. If it's like this in another 5 months, in a year, in 3 years, what will you have gained? Leave now. I agree with Dan: he wants out and is too cowardly to do it, so he's taking the "behave crappily until partner breaks up with me" way. Which is always bad, but especially horrible if you got the partner to marry you first.
I'm very surprised Dan didn't mention this possibility. Such a major shift in personality and sexual drive is a huge red flag. Before you give up, try being understanding and tolerant, and suggest medication. He might take you up on it, or after a year he might come out of it. I do think it's too soon to demand divorce without considering he might be mentally ill.
But if he still refuses to go to counseling and get help, I know it would be very difficult for you to leave this marriage. But please consider how much worse it would be if you stay with him and have children with him - then you will really be tied to him forever.
Hell her leaving may do more good in the long run since it may be the kick the pants the husband needs to get his shit together. However TSTQ is not obligated to put up with horrible behavior for years and years on the off chance he's A depressed and B willing to seek treatment for said depression.
It's likely he's depressed. If he's willing to see a therapist and psychiatrist, give him a chance to take his medications and improve; he might be a good spouse again. If not, then even if he is depressed, you need his cooperation to make him better; that would mean you should move out.
First year everything is shiny and new. Second year you start trying to figure each other out in earnest, discovering some major differences, and negotiating whether each issue is a deal-breaker or the price of admission. A LOT of couples break up during the second year.
So while she doesn't "have to" help him get treatment, if she loves him and especially if she wants this relationship to work, kindly suggesting (or giving an ultimatum) that he seek a medical evaluation could help. Unlike addiction, treatment for depression is relatively straightforward once you find the right therapist, pill, what have you. Yes finding that can be somewhat difficult especially if you are catatonically depressed or despondent, but once you get there you aren't going to "relapse".
*Not everyone experiences depression as cripplingly low mood (or their experience of it can change per episode); there have certainly been times when I felt functionally "alright" but only due to avoiding any real responsibility, as this guy is doing; and sometimes depression which manifests itself in physical symptoms gets overlooked.
legally separated, then you can talk to him.
I would ask why does she want to save this marriage? Is it because she truly loves her husband and feels they're stronger when they're together? Or is it about pride and not wanting to admit she made a mistake.
I've been through clinical depression - a solid 8 months when I was 25 - and the boyfriend's behavior looks nothing like it to me.
The depressed response to "you're not sexually satisfying me" is "that's because I'm worthless", not "whatever, I can't be bothered".
The depressed response to "you need to get a job" is "I can't because I'm worthless", not throwing a fit.
And I can't imagine deliberately alienating my significant other during that time - she was all I thought I had.
I think Dan's right - this guy doesn't love her, doesn't want to be married to her, and is acting it out passive-aggressively.
That doesn't mean TSTQ has to put up with his issues of course - mental illnesses are not a free pass to treat people like shit and take them for granted.
Because it's not every day you meet someone "driven, hardworking, loving, and happy. We had amazing, cosmic, and connected sex". Sure there's no such thing as "the one", but you don't meet someone you can round up to the one very often!
@24 Not everyone is the same as you seandr! Apathy (including re: sex) and avoidance behaviour are classic diagnostic symptoms. He should get to a qualified medical practitioner to decide.
I guess in both cases, there's nothing to add to Dan's advice.
But it takes someone well acquainted with New England (an area, I grant, that Mr Savage dislikes, going by his comments in this week's podcast), where the endangered left wing of the Republican party still struggles for existence, to be able to give BBB a nuanced answer. "Compassionate conservatives" aren't just Republicans; they're Bushies.
As these things all fall on a scale of how much of X one is willing to tolerate, I'd suggest that the Bs simply imagine Mr Rove pulling their potential playmates' strings from behind the curtain, and advance if they are comfortable with that. I'd guess, though, that the PPs aren't openly bi outside of playtime, won't socialize openly with out liberals, and probably invoke opposite-sexer privilege as often as possible with all the zeal of most members with suspect credentials of a group given to self-purging.
If I were in a sly mood, I might speculate on whether BBB and spouse might not be a better fit with their potential new friends than they realize, but I did say I'd cut some slack.
1. The counselor talks about how it's bad to blame other people and that TSTQ needs to figure out what *she's* doing to fuck the marriage up.
2. The counselor tells her to DTMFA in counselor-speak.
Leave. The marriage has been lousy from the start, and you just don't have enough positive time together--first few months of starlight and butterflies are not sustainable, even in the happiest most supportive relationship. If you'd been married 10 years to that great guy you saw the first few months, and he had an abrupt personality change AND was willing to work with you, I'd be advising you to get him to a doctor. Because he was still working with you enough to agree to do that AND because you knew what "normal" was for him. There is every likelihood that what you are seeing in your recent husband is normal for him. Biochemical imbalance or random jerkdom, you don't have enough history with him to give him the benefit of throwing yourself at a brick wall for more months and years.
This guy does not sound like a depressed person, he sounds like an extremely selfish, pathological liar. (Believe me, I have one of each of those people in my immediate family). Broke his foot on his wedding night? Doesn't want to work? Went from perfect to terrible in 5 months? Yeah right.
The letter writer needs to (a) Be a big girl, admit she got duped and make a big mistake (it happens to us all), and (b) get the @#$@# away from this guy as fast as possible. If he thinks he can get pity from her, he will try to take everythign she has and then some.
Really, all this shows is that the stigma attached to even a suggestion of clinical depression is still strong, that people don't really believe it's an illness. Imagine someone writing in with post-natal depression and similar symptoms and you would never get the same responses.
Again - this is stuff the LW can do *in addition* to putting herself in a better position. Because some people actually take an interest in the wellbeing of people close to them. Drastic, I know.
And what's with all the conspiracy theorists who think that someone held down a full-time job for years and broke their foot just to lure someone into a marriage? Seriously people?
And um, what's a squart?
Instead, make sure when you move out that you get yourself financially disentangled from him. Get your name off the lease, make sure you don't have any joint credit cards or bank accounts, etc. Even if you're not ready for divorce yet, separating your finances is a prudent move - you can always re-mingle them if things get better, but you can't get the money back if he goes on a wild spending spree with YOUR credit.
Though of course the early, sunshine-and-sprinkles phase of the relationship is bound to be sunshine-y and sprinkly (so to speak), he may have also been in a hypomanic or manic state -- romance and marriage can certainly kick one into high gear, imagine what it's like for someone already predisposed.
And some people plummet into depression once the higher phase ends, which may be where he is, now. I'm not sure either phase is his baseline.
NONETHELESS, the letter writer needs to get her own oxygen mask on, as it were, and then see what can be done. It's hard not to feel even *more* selfish under these circumstances but it's essential and it's not selfish. Good luck.
Though of course the early, sunshine-and-sprinkles phase of the relationship is bound to be sunshine-y and sprinkly (so to speak), he may have also been in a hypomanic or manic state -- romance and marriage can certainly kick one into high gear, imagine what it's like for someone already predisposed.
And some people plummet into depression once the higher phase ends, which may be where he is, now. I'm not sure either phase is his baseline.
NONETHELESS, the letter writer needs to get her own oxygen mask on, as it were, and then see what can be done. It's hard not to feel even *more* selfish under these circumstances but it's essential and it's not selfish. Good luck.
Want insight and nuance? Well, the folks who are bringing up possibilities of depression or other mental illness are right, but that's obvious too.
I'd be more interested in a real quandary like if the husband's injury kept him in a wheelchair so he couldn't work or if he was keeping house but not making much money, something so we'd have to weigh pros and cons, loyalty against self preservation. (If we really think that depression and alcoholism are diseases that affect the brain as opposed to any other part of the body, why does it feel so skunky if a new wife abandons a husband who's come down with M.S. or cancer but not with a mental illness?)
I'd also point out that waiting a year or two instead of marrying after a good whirlwind few months is no guarantee. Marriages after a short acquaintance can work out beautifully and marriages after a long one can still fail. I'd be interested in comparative statistics.
Like I said she needs to ask herself is trying to save this marriage because she feels it's worth holding on to? Or is she doing it because she doesn't want to look foolish?
If he refuses to try, then walk away.
It also sounds like she needs a larger support network, some friends or family might be able to help with getting him to the doctor or with some help cleaning.
Anyway, I know people in the area who have rooms to rent at very reasonable rates in quiet neighborhoods. Message me if you're interested. An affordable room will let you save up some money to break the lease. This would also be a good time to borrow money from family members, who would probably be thrilled to loan you the cash in order to see this disaster marriage ended. Even on my ill-advised overpriced apartment in downtown, breaking the lease could be done for $2000 or so. If I had a sister in your position, I would happily lend (or even gift) her that money to get her the hell out.
I can't tell if these people all have Stockholm syndrome or 0 self esteem.
Either way, I like the "get your name off the lease" idea.
Oh, wait- no...shoot.
What is with people posting simply to announce that they're first? Is it like an eBay auction, waiting to pounce and hit "post comment"?
Good luck!
"My spouse is a complete jerk, but I don't want to leave. How do I fix this?"
I don't get it.
Also, in calling herself "queer" rather than bisexual, she might want to check her assumptions about just how boring and straight everyone else is.
In my case, it was neither Stockholm syndrome or 0 self esteem. I loved the guy, and he knew perfectly how to play to that - every time I got close to dumping him, he'd sense it, and apologize / go to a therapist for a couple of weeks ("I'm depressed!" "I have ADHD!" "I can't do this!"). Then he'd slowly work back to being a deadbeat. I was young enough (and dumb enough) to believe that he would change and grow with enough time and support.
This went on for 6 years. Then, I met a terrific man who made me realize that not all men are deadbeats. I dumped my bf, and started dating the other guy. Before we broke up, the ex promised he'd change, if I gave him just a bit more time. I asked him how much more time he was going to need - six years seemed like plenty. He had no response.
The ex was in some ways a perfect manipulator of people. He knew exactly how much he had to apologize and give in order to keep playing off people's good intentions. So that he could get away with addictive and abusive behavior the rest of the time.
The thing that really makes me sad is that he plays our breakup off as though I were a CPOS and he's the aggrieved party (I did have some CPOS behavior for about 2 weeks before our breakup, so this is partly true). I'm sure it gains him some epic sympathy points with women, to start the cycle all over again. It's disgusting.
I, sadly, am in a similar marriage. I knew him 2.5 years by the time we got married, but never lived with him, which was a big mistake. I wasn't happy, but figured things would change. They did, and it would get better for awhile and then just revert back.
I made the mistake of buying a house, fortunately, in my name only as his credit is a joke. However, I was not smart and did put his name on one of my credit cards, which he ruined. He lost his job, though I had been begging him for months to find something else and after it happened, he admitted I was right.
He, too, lay around the house, doing not much. He admits to depression, but there is no money for him to get help and he won't look for free help. He didn't work at more than the smallest part-time job for two years. But I was too much of an idiot to do something about it. Because I didn't want my friends and family to think I was a loser. But I am a loser because I have tolerated this so-called marriage for 10 years.
I pay for 85% of our expenses. I work 80 hours a week at two jobs. He has managed to find some more work, but it still isn't much and I constantly have to give him money, so I guess I end up paying for most of our pathetic lifestyle. Our sex life has deteriorated to nothing and I have no desire anyway because all I do is work with a broken down house to show for it.
I wish someone had told me to move out in the early months or years before things got so difficult to separate. I agree that you should kick him out, though first you should call a legal hotline or ask some free legal service what kind of shit you can expect by doing that. I do agree that he may be clinically depressed, for the variety of reasons you gave AND because the reality of marriage is pretty overwhelming.
Maybe he does want out like Dan said, but I don't really think that is it. Some people are just like him and my husband. They are seemingly good people, but they are lazy and will just go along doing WHAT THEY WANT. It doesn't matter how much they love you, it never will. You shouldn't be married to someone that will not hold up at least 50% of expenses and housework. That I can say with complete authority.
Before you do anything else, tell him you think he is depressed and needs to seek help. If he still blows you off, then at least you tried. Kicking him out will be a good shock to his system. You didn't marry him to be his mother. Let him pay his own way or live in his car. It will be kinder to do this to him now that let the years roll by like I have. Maybe he will snap out of it eventually and you won't have to divorce him. But don't take him back until he gets a decent job and admits he is depressed and/or an asshole AND goes with you to talk to someone about what marriage should be. Good luck.
Something to consider for people considering cheating while knowing that they should really break up first.
My partner has ADHD and is medicated/working on it with professional experts and let me say, its still hard work on my end. Untreated would be a deal breaker.
Bottom line, no matter what is wrong with him if he refuses to work on it then consult a divorce lawyer, protect yourself and take the space Dan suggests.
My depression looked exactly like yer hub, except if my hub asked me to do some laundry, or empty the dishwasher, etc. I did it.
I knew I was a mess and while I wasn't contributing $ I needed to give anything everything else I could muster as he was carrying the bigger burden.
Even while I was an f-ed up mess I still had a responsibility to my partner not to make him do it all.
So I would agree with many people that if he refuses to do anything besides video games and porn, you need to take steps to separate.
The only person you can change or fix here is you.
I've heard people relate experiences like yours and say "It was a starter marriage, I should have known better, now I do." If you feel peer or family pressure not to fail at this-LET THAT SH*T GO!
Do you really think you need to stay in this horrible life crushing hole just so they don't judge you? That's where your work on you begins.
In CA. you would start proceedings by filing for legal separation (this addresses many of the concerns others have cited i.e. moving out/lease ramifications, etc.)
Start calling the bank, your credit cards, etc. and taking his name off things, COVER YOUR FINANCIAL BEHIND FIRST.
My one caution about getting him professional help, getting him to use it and possibly changing; Is that I have had a recurring depression 10 years after recovery, his might come back and you would be here all over again.
You are young, you made a mistake, you have the rest of your life to learn and figure this stuff out, leaving is not the worst possible thing that would happen. You getting derailed from the life you want and being tied to him 'til death do you part' would be the worst.
Those who agree with Dan may well be correct that TSTQ's husband is engaged in a passive aggressive campaign to get out of his marriage.
But he might not. He sounds like such a trashy, inconsiderate loser that he might be perfectly content to keep his lazy ass planted on the couch for decades.
And I agree with those who think depression is a possibility, but I don't believe that gives him a 'pass' on his behavior. Even if he is depressed, and even if he gets effective treatment for his depression (two big ifs), he may continue to behave in a selfish and immature manner.
Dan is right. This guy is a complete waste of skin. But if he wants out of the marriage, he's going about it all wrong. He should at least have the ability to live without his wife's income. Which makes him as dumb as a bag of hammers on top of it all.
While *you* can't imagine deliberately alienating someone when you're depressed, I sure as hell can. That's typically the first thing I do when I'm depressed, I start pushing people away, getting angry at them and generally wanting the whole world to just fuck off and leave me alone.
So yeah, there's a decent chance this guy's depressed as all hell, and you should give him that chance.
Who gives a fuck?
Seriously, does it really matter THAT much whether he's depressed or not, i.e. whether we attribute his behavior to a mental illness or a character flaw? Sure, from a social/political perspective it matters, and for employers I suppose it's relevant too. But on a personal level, if someone's that toxic to be around, the first and foremost thing is to GET AWAY from them -- not to try to suss out whether it's OK to cut them out or whether you're inadvertently adding to the oppression of the mentally ill, blah blah blah.
Some mental illnesses turn people into assholes, and some forms of assholism are difficult to distinguish from mental illness. From the point of view of those around them who are trying to survive and carve out a decent life for themselves, the question of which is which -- and whether it's their "fault" or not -- is really kind of irrelevant.
I'm partly playing devil's advocate here, but not entirely. Life's too short to waste it trying to play Mama Bird with damaged people who, for whatever reason, don't have it in them to give nearly as much as they take.
If TSTQ want to remain in her marriage and wants things to improve, it would seem expedient to take an active role in improving the situation, which mean actually communicating with her spouse. If he refuses to communicate with her, I see no reason for her to persist in trying to improve the relationship or even remain in it. However, making treatment and recovery the sole responsibility of a person with mental illness only serves to stigmatize the failure to recover and completely neglects the role of a social support system in the recovery from mental illness.
•depressed mood
•loss of interest
which means that there are 326 different ways to be diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Moreover, of the remaining eight symptoms five can be evaluated without a subjective account from the patient, so there are plausibly 12 different way to be diagnosed with major depressive disorder without having to report any of the symptoms that the public may generally associate with depression.
In other words, "he doesn't sound depressed" and/or "I have clinical depression and that not how I act(ed) during an episode" are not sensible ways of evaluating if someone else is depressed. That is basically what people mean when they say, "Depression looks different in different people".
My overall concern is that some commenters seem to be taking a predominately, if not exclusively moralistic, approach to TSTQ's dysfunctional marriage--her husband is a lazy, manipulative deadbeat; sure he may be mentally ill, but it is his responsibility to seek treatment and his failure to do so thus far makes him a lazy, manipulative deadbeat. Given that mental illness is not necssarily, immediately recognizable due to societal pre-conceived notions of what a particular mental illness may "look like", placing the burden of realizing, let alone acknowledging, that a change in behavior and affect may be the manifestion of a mental illness solely on the shoulders of the person experiencing such change and then demonizing that person for not knowing that they needed help unfairly stigmatizes the mentally ill and can, in fact, hinder their seeking of treatment and prevent their recovery.
The guy refuses to go to couples counseling. Given that fact, how is the letter writer supposed to force him to seek treatment for depression? He needs to be the one to seek treatment because, as a competent adult under the law, he is the only one who can force himself to do it.
She can certainly bring it up, but, if he refuses, there is literally nothing she can do except to save herself.
Also, speaking as someone who has serious mental illness in my family, it is absolutely possible for someone who is suffering from mental illness to be a manipulative asshole, getting loved ones to enable the worst aspects of the illness in order to avoid realistic treatment. Why are you insisting that the two things are mutually exclusive?
Yes, legally separate your finances. Yes, encourage him to see a shrink -- he may be clinically depressed, and he might be treatable. But you hanging around and enabling him won't help him get better if that is the case. And you need to protect yourself.
I didn't see anything in mjpam's posts that said they were mutually exclusive at all. And if, for whatever reason, the situation is not salvageable, mjpam also said get out: "If he refuses to communicate with her, I see no reason for her to persist in trying to improve the relationship or even remain in it."
Let's say TSTQ's husband is lazy or evil. The best thing to do would be to protect herself financially and take the steps necessary to get out of the marriage.
Let's say TSTQ's husband is depressed or otherwise mentally ill. The best way to help him get the treatment he needs is to give him a wake up call by protecting herself financially and taking the steps necessary to get out of the marriage.
Let's say that taking those steps does wonders for TSTQ's husband either by making him see that he won't have TSTQ to support him while he plays video games and watches porn or by getting him into a treatment that works for his mental illness. Let's say TSTQ's husband does a turn around and goes back to being the hardworking happy cosmically connected man she thought she was marrying. Great! Let's say that doesn't happen. Then at least she's out of the marriage.
In fact, this logic might be what TSTQ needs to hear in order to help her feel good about divorcing her husband. It's natural to have misgivings about giving up on the marriage so soon. It feels like failure, and it feels like she's doing something bad to someone she still loves. But TSTQ, look at it like this. Divorcing your husband the best thing you could do for him. It's not a selfish act with our own self interest in mind. It's a selfless act, something you do for him. You divorce, and he gets his act together one way or the other. Win/win. Go for it.
I mention all of this because it seems to me that this gal's husband might relate. The timeline just doesn't feel so desperate to me that I'd be ready to write him off. He broke his foot, recovery took some time, he lost his job, coupled with his injury may have hurt his ego, it sounds to me like he's only been a "deadbeat" for about 2 or 3 months. That just doesn't sound like enough to write him off as a permanent louse, just someone struggling to get his act together and overwhelmed and using avoidance tactics. I'm not saying it's excusable, but I don't think the letter tells the whole story. For example, does this guy have a history of failure? I certainly didn't and don't since. And his wife says he had a solidly successful history leading up to now.
None of this is to say I support quickie marriages, and therein might lie other stories for both parties involved.
-------Late to the party, but if TSTQ's spouse is truly depressed (or bipolar), and TSTQ is concerned about resurrecting their sex life, she better not hope antidepressants will make it any better. SSRIs are known boner-killers.
@24: Depression manifests itself differently in men than in women. You went through it for eight months? Try sixteen YEARS. Trust me, his behavior is not atypical.
@31: No need to insult us. TSTQ's spouse could be depressed AND a deadbeat.
Overall, I'm catching a whiff of someone who simply doesn't want to be labeled a divorceé at age 24. Trust me, TSTQ, there are way worse things in life. I say GTFO and let him figure it out. (Setting up all the legal infrastructure mentioned on this board, of course, before G'ing TFO.)
Now there's a ringing indictment of post-secondary education if ever I read one.
I'm not sure why I stayed, other than I have always had self esteem issues and the attacks from him just fed into them, and I felt like I deserved it for wanting to get married in the first place. He refused to go to therapy because apparently therapists are useless. The situation only started to get better after *I* was in therapy for the third time in those five years, this time for uncontrollable anxiety and panic attacks, and finally told him that if he didn't get his shit together I was leaving because I couldn't take it anymore. I had a drop dead date and if things hadn't improved by then I was out. I had a plan, and he knew it. Surprise, surprise, things got better. Two years or so later we're better together than we've ever been. He's back to being the man I married. Maybe even an upgrade from the man I married.
Was it worth staying for? I'm not sure. I suspect if I woke up tomorrow six months into his depression again I would pack up and leave without a backwards glance. I'm still not quite right and may never be quite right again. My patience is short, minor questions about how I've done something make me cry, and I catch myself flinching away from decisions. I think I'll bounce, eventually, and have been working on growing a spine of my own. But TSTQ, decide now what your boundaries will be, how much you'll tolerate, and don't hesitate to protect yourself when those boundaries are crossed. Your husband won't look out for you.
But that's just a guess. Dan?
Also--GOOD call on TSTQ's situation!
TSTQ: Move HIS stuff out, change the locks, and talk to a good lawyer about what you can do to protect your credit rating and identity. Find out what your legal rights are, and go from there. Good luck!
Depression is a pretty big libido-killer for a lot of people, so frequently the state on antidepressants, even with sexual side effects, is still sexually better than before.
No relationship is worth working very hard at when you're under 30 and there are no children or major financial entanglements. Chalk it up to a youthful mistake and move on before you have something more serious than a rental lease and memories of "cosmic" sex keeping you together.
They are also almost useless for most cases of depression, by the way.
Sure some 24 year olds are sitting around doing jack all, but some 24 year-olds are busting their ass in law school, some are starting up their own business, working as engineers, working on their masters, slogging through med school, photographing concerts and festivals - and a lot of these people (men included!) want someone to settle down with. And yes, every one of those are specific examples are literal people who either are or recently were that age.
I also agree with Tito (@105) that CallezCal's (@70)
comment nailed it.
By moving TSTQ's husband's stuff out, changing the locks,
putting HER money into separate accounts, and seeking advice
about protecting her credit rating and legal rights, the ball goes
into HIS court.
Is he willing to get off his lazy ass to stay with her?
If not, THEN, to TSTQ I DO recommend DTMFA.
And, as Tito says, not turn around.
Sounds like neither of them likes to work very much. If the sex was good, and they had a closeness and were both pulling for the team she probably wouldn't mind working Iam guessing but complaining about working an "exhausting full time job" are white girl problems. If this guy could do some housework and please some pussy, they would have what they need to make it out of this.
Everyone seems to be really eager to lawyer up and say fuck the person I swore to stick by. I don't know if there is a lot of bitterness ? But bitter people seem to believe that the right thing to do is to make their happiness a blood sport a d it seems to be coming out in these comments. No trial separation, no nothing just "get a lawyer, pack your shit and consider it a throw away marriage" (like I should have when I was in my 20's and enamoured by the guy I thought I had nailed down." Don't project your mystery and selfishness onto them, they are young BUT if its not a team, it is bullshit.
TSTQ has about all the advice she can handle, but here's something that doesn't get said often enough: 'clincally depressed' and 'asshole' (unlike 'compassionate conservative' and intelligent') are not mutually exclusive. You say you don't want out, yet describe an intolerable situation for living. Examining why you don't want out yet will get you farther than pushing a man who only pushes back far enough to get you off his case.
Also, @88 nailed it - that broken foot on the wedding night, hmmmm ... I see aggression and probable drunkenness. Anyone else?
I agree there are double-standards, but it's not that simple. Of the few stay-at-home dads I know, no one considers them deadbeats. That's because they raise the kids and run the household rather than sit around all day jerking off, playing video games, and acting like an asshole.
That said, I think men are much more receptive to the idea of marrying a homemaker than women are. And I think women often lose interest in sex if the husband happens to end up in the homemaker role (rarely is that the plan). Women's mating preferences thus play a significant role in maintaining and reinforcing certain gender roles.
I'll note that the 3 of you all bothered to point out that your husbands are no longer in that condition.
Getting back to the letter, I agree with Cocky that the husband simply appears lazy. Advancing to a clinical diagnosis does not fix the problem, he has to get back to work.
Yes, the broken foot could well have been a drunken accident. She let him go too long at home, he grew too comfortable there.
Since 2000, "compassionate conservatism" has become a loaded term, which deserves some rational pause because of the attitude and policies of Bushites. That said, having grown up in NJ mostly under moderate Republican leadership, I think that true "compassionate conservatives" do exist, now they just call themselves "fiscally conservative, social moderates/progressives." I think that the new-CCs believe they should impose their own morality to help people, while the old-CCs believe that everyone should have their rights & privileges respected and that basic needs should be met, but that charity is within the rights of the individual, not the government. BBB should at least get to know the couple enough to find out where they fall, and if it bothers them. Unless the couple turns out to be a pair of closeted hypocrites, this might be one of those seemingly rare instances where a group of liberals and conservatives can celebrate common ground.
Depression, my ass.
Destroying the will of others is not the solution to depression, real or not. How could you possibly feel sympathy for that lazy sack of horseshit?
Don't like? Too bad.
here are my practical suggestions.
check with a lawyer first; put the oxygen mask on yourself, first.
call united way. or if you belong to a specialized population, see if there's a social service agency that might help. or ask for the county, community, regional, etc. mental health center. call them, and ask for intake. find out how long their backlog is; if you can handle it, that's your deadline.
do not be shy in asking for help. you deserve it, too.
ask how he can get assessed. if he has to call, ask him to do that. offer to drive him to the appointment.
if he won't go when they can make an appointment, leave then. do not pass go, do not stop and reconsider, but follow the legal steps to protect yourself.
if he does go, it's not the last step; it's the first. but by then you should have your answer; is this clinical depression or assholery.
These are the same bigots who had the nerve to call you, the future's newest form of bigotry for pointing out that poly is not an orientation. They honestly didn't recognize the flawed logic of bigotry and couldn't see that it doesn't matter whether or not it's an orientation, The Constitution was written to protect citizens from such ignorant belief systems as to think if it's not an orientation they don't qualify for Constitutional Rights, even though it clearly states who qualifies as a citizen and is granted protection.
I guess it explains why they don't recognize their own disgusting hatred/bigotry by not supporting marriage equality, but being able to see clearly their backwoods logic brings about as much comfort as understanding the how and why white supremacists logic is a failure to think logically
I admit it's sort of peculiar, almost magical how a document with such simple power in words that the Framers wrote, in this case, will even protect republican polies from themselves (it's going to be sad though as the humor born from ignorance only lasts for about a day, after that when people choose ignorance, it is anything but bliss)
I know I am late with these comments but for the Love of God, do not sleep with republicans or democrats that vote republican as the risk of even one more human that chooses ignorance could be the downfall of this great nation.
The ONLY excuse is if you are sterilized or get a legally binding abortion contract should the act result in pregnancy
I enjoy your humor Dan, but I often worry a reader may take you seriously and believe it is OK to bare children with a person so intellectually corrupt as a conservative


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hankstramm's Profile
Title | Last Reply |
BTW, forgot there's video of JP making this: |
Thought of you (and Jacque) today in the market and bought a duck on sale to make this recipe. |
Most fridges have the cold air coming out of the top. The bottom is colder. You're thinking hot air rises. There's usually a lack of hot air in a fridge. That's why you put veggies in the crisper at the bottom. Warmest spot. Difference in mine is 3-5 degrees. |
Depending on the temp of your fridge, 24-36 hours. I'd put in at the very bottom of the fridge if possible--the top being the coldest spot. As for cooking, Jacque Pepin has an amazingly easy and delicious way to make it. |
How to approach native mercado vendors in Oaxaca City? Honestly, much of the secrets are just locally sourced ingredients that you won't find or just taste differently elsewhere. A lot of the cooks you come across in Oaxaca aren't deviating far from standard recipes, it's the ingredients. Many of the dishes that people make aren't even different in terms of ingredients than one might use in the "gastronome" world, but simple things like the corn being totally different in Mexico makes the dishes much different. Lastly, I'm very familiar with Oaxacans and have spent more time there then any place outside San Francisco. They're a very guarded bunch. They'll gladly treat you nicely since they like tourists, but in a million years, they'd never give secrets away. That is, if they have any--my opinion, most don't, it's just local ingredients and context. |
Recommended restaurants in Davis? Thanks for the tip. One day I have to figure out how to work the search engine. |
Recommended restaurants in Davis? Sorry, found an old thread from 2008, but I need some more recent info please. Looking for a nice dinner place and perhaps a lunch spot. Thanks in advance |
Where to Eat in the Sacramento Area--Specifically Woodland, CA??? I'm having the distinct pleasure of spending 2.5 days in the Woodland, CA area near Sacramento. Anyone know of any decent places to eat? I'd love some recommendations. |
Your tweaks to the recipe sound really good. |
Lunch (or dinner) in 10 minutes. Miri, in Mexico, that's essentially what they call chilaquiles. Usually it's old tortillas that you let go stale and you mix with left overs. Very common breakfast there. There are myriad variations. |
can anyone tell me white sauce recipe for chicken steak? People often throw a little bacon fat in to the loop to make it more flavorful. I can't imagine using pure Bfat.. |
some pumpkin pie crust questions Yup, I prefer ginger snap crust too. If you use cold butter, you shouldn't need to chill it. |
All purpose non GMO oil for sauteeing Rice Bran Oil is probably the best that I've found. Trader Joes sells it now. It has a 490 degree smoke point. Very neutral tasty, even smells nice. |
Depends on what type of oil you're using if you want to rely on a thermometer. There's a wide range of smoke temps depending on the oil type. Generally, I'd say 350-375 is pretty safe for crab cakes. Once you put them in the pan, the temp will drop at least 20-40 degrees, so don't crowd the pan. In most pans, the oil starts to really shimmer before it smokes, but give the variance of smoke temp, you need to know your oil. I like rice bran oil for things like this. Certain oils will be way to hot by the time they're almost at smoking temp. |
Beef suet is a specific type of fat from the kidney area, do you use this in a burger or do you mean tallow? Usually, the cut somewhat dictates the percentage for butchers, although this isn't exact. I do it myself when I'm trying to be really specific (almost never) and weigh the fat and lean. |
I too from probably 1993 to about 2006-2007 went without any major issues in Oaxaca other than mild food borne issues. I guess it must have been the flora in my gut. That changed abruptly. Even during that time of my fortunate flora, I was routinely around by people getting sick. Australians, Chilangos, Poblanos, English, Germans, Estado Unidenses etc. Believe me, it wasn't altitude sickness or too much ripe fruit. FYI, the Hospital Molina en el Centro near the Museo Rufino Tamayo, is a good place to see a doctor fast with a high fever etc. Costs about $300 NP and they have pretty good doctors. That's where I've gone as well as numerous other people I know visiting Oaxaca. BTW, Tlacolula is my market of choice for barbacoa. I always eat at the same stand--a few sisters right at the entrance (I know there's more then one). They always serve some nice mezcal out of a coke 2 litre bottle. Listen, I love Oaxaca and spend a month there every summer. I'd really like to say the place is wonderful in all ways and it's just a really safe place to travel, but in many ways it's not. Water purity (especially because of serious shortages in some months) is some of the worst in the whole country. That same water is often used to rinse veggies that end up uncooked in your food. Caveat Manger! |
Another Julia Child related question...Vermouth! I was wondering, is there a wine called porchetta? LOL I use that cookbook all the time. I want to tackle the porchetta sometime. Love JR. |
Chashu-what to do besides ramen? The results using pork shoulder were much better. I butterflied the shoulder, rolled and tied it. Came out much meatier and much less fatty. Thanks for pointing it out. |
That said, I still eat in a few market stands, but I avoid most. I have a few places in Oaxaca where I eat tacos (El Fogoncito is a Chilango chain that's very clean and reliably good, but not Oaxacan). Half my meals I cook, since most Oaxacans are very happy to eat my home cooked Italian, French,Thai and Indian dishes. |
Lucky for you DiningDiva, this hasn't been the experience for many people--my wife worked at the Oaxacan Ministry of tourism and worked with people visiting. She encountered more people getting sick, that she just assumed people from abroad got sick for the first few days when the visited Oaxaca--she herself didn't and still won't eat in a market. Most of my Oaxacan family and friends don't eat anywhere outside of very sanitary restaurants. Most wouldn't even step in to a market stand and eat. After having severe food poisoning which is VERY VERY common in Oaxaca, most don't return to the eat at markets. Please ask Oaxacans when you are there, if they don't warn you, the next tlayuda is on me. I have a pretty iron gut and I've been sick 2-3 times (and I'm talking high fever sick from food poisoning). My mom ended up having to take Cipro for what the doctors diagnosed as e coli, she was ill for roughly 1 week. Again she's an older woman, but we don't know who we're telling here it's safe to eat in Oaxaca. I've seen similar things happen to tourists and locals just the same. Amebasis (amoebic poisoning), parasites (worms that you have to take severe chemicals to get rid of), E-coli, salmonella, guardia not to mention general non-descript You can not be cavalier and tell people not to worry about severe food poisoning when visiting Oaxaca. You need to be very careful. Health code is severely substandard as are farming practices (as are becoming more common in the US) which require all vegetables to be soaked in an Iodine solution prior to eating--that cilantro sprinkled on your taco can give you salmonella, ecoli etc. Nearly every family (that can afford to) in Mexico sanitizes their produce in a solution before eating anything uncooked. The stand you buy your taco might be well meaning and very popular, but the farmer that uses aguas negras to irrigate/fertilize his cilantro crop might have you in the hospital with e-coli. And that's no joke. |
The main meal (called comida) in Oaxaca is eaten around 2-4 pm roughly. Many restaurants are open from roughly that time until 8-10pm. Many places, like Origen, Danzantes and Casa Oaxaca would warrant a reservation around the normal comida hora. Have fun, be adventurous, but be careful. I've been visiting Oaxaca for 20 years or so, and more often than not, people get ill from the food/water. |
It's not that expensive if you get it in an ethnic market probably closer to £5. Whole foods is always high on the markup. |
Korean Restaurants in the Zona Rosa, Mexico City I normally cook Asian food (Thai, Vietnamese and Indian) in Mexico City for friends, since there aren't many good options (as far as I've found). Korean, I've only cooked at home on a few occasions, since I live in a Korean area of San Francisco that allows me to get it whenever I want, thus have no expertise to cook it there. |
Korean Restaurants in the Zona Rosa, Mexico City Yes, I'd like to hear about Korean food in Mexico City too.Had no idea it existed. |
When do you tip low (10% or less) When it's so bad, you leave a $5 or $10 bill ripped in half. Shows you aren't doing it to be cheap, just because they suck so bad you'd rather throw the bill in the toilet since it's worthless after ripped in half. Again, that's after really rude or horrible service. I only did this once about 20 years ago. |
Really, flank is more typical? I've always heard round. Regardless, when I make rolled beef, I use flank, so I'd have to agree it's the better cut. Nevertheless, most people use round, probably cause it's cheaper. This is a simple, but good recipe: |
Pressure Cooker Whistles in Indian Recipes This has a bit of info on the whistling type of pressure cookers: |
Thanks for the critique, it's been so successful that I'll probably make it as is a few more times. I didn't mention that I slow cook it on a grill, so no paprika/smokey notes are needed, but maybe non smoked paprika for color and flavor too. For some reason, I don't like black cardamom's smokey flavor that much, not sure why, but it puts me off a little. |
I really like your response. If you have time, please critique my marinade (although it's not mine, rather something I picked up online, but I'd love to improve it). |
You only need an 8 oz container.--Trader Joes has it for under $4. Like I said, it isn't heavy. |


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It is typical barbeque. I like the chicken on salad. They take it off the bone, so it is easy to eat.
It is typical barbeque. I like the chicken on salad. They take it off the bone, so it is easy to eat.
I love their brisket and garden salad and Bill Miller always is constantly very good. This store seemed to raise their prices a bit more that other Bill Miller places but maybe it was how they keyed it in the register. You do have to check your order to make sure they included all the items you requested. Will always... More
Bill Miller has always been consistent with the quality/quantity and service. With all the Mexican places nearby, the breakfast tacos at Bill Millers are the best for sure! Love their fried chicken! If you get the poor boy plus with beef and get slaw on the side - hint: put the slaw on the sandwich and enjoy a little bit... More
This is a vastly successful operation offering mass smoked meats and commissary prepared potato salad, beans, and slaw. The best offering is the ice tea!
If you're looking for a great value in a chain restaurant, look no further than Bill Miller's. While there's not a lot of variety on the menu--barbecue and fried chicken and not a lot else--the prices are very low (less than you'd pay for some combos at Wendy's), service very friendly and quick, and the food is really a lot... More
Bill Miller needs to hire a chef who knows how to cook 'sides,' and not OVERcook them. The meat is okay, but not great. It's the 'sides' that keep me away.
You can go to any of the many Stores in the metro area and expect the same smiling faces, great food and incredibly reasonable prices. I am drooling just thinking about it. If you have not been to a Bill Miller's, well go already.
Restaurant was a little dirty. Food was decent. Service was great
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- September 30, 2012
- 7:31 a.m.
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conservative writes:
You would have to be a very irresponsible person not to have any of the items (paycheck stub, utility bill, bank statement, etc.) to be able to get a picture ID. How could a person so far on the fringe like this vote intelligently? These people are like the ones that were interviewed in this clip:
It's no wonder liberals want them to vote. I'm sure they would also provide them transportation to the polls if necessary.
I support Wendi's right to print this biased and inaccurate nonsense but, why can't the Commercial Appeal also have a conservative columnist to balance things out and provide opinions on both sides of the issue?
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This announcement comes in the wake of the unprecedented primary election results that have Sawant winning second place in both Positions 1 and 2 of the district. Sawant received over 9% against Democratic incumbent Jamie Pedersen in Position 1, and over 11% of the votes, as a write-in, in Position 2 against Chopp. Washington State law allows a candidate to switch positions in the same House District if they win second place both races.
This result represents a real shot across the bow to the out-of-touch, arrogant Democrats that a Socialist with few resources was able to get such a vote in both races in the 43rd. This is not accidental. Working people are sick and tired of the relentless corporate agenda that Olympia is carrying through, Sawants Political Director, Philip Locker, said.
Initially intending to run against Frank Chopp, the Sawant campaign decided to file instead against Jamie Pedersen, who was running unopposed, when they learned another anti-budget cuts, independent candidate was challenging Chopp. We want this campaign to challenge the big-business politics of the Democratic Party, which both Chopp and Pedersen represent. And we generally support left-wing, independent candidates who oppose the budget cuts to social services, so we decided to run against Pedersen, explained Sawant. Unfortunately, the other independent candidate dropped out of the race before the primaries, leaving Chopp virtually unchallenged.
From May to August, the Sawant campaign worked to expose the Democratic Partys anti-worker agenda, gaining endorsements from the Amalgamated Transit Union Local 587, Cindy Sheehan (leading anti-war activist and 2012 Vice Presidential candidate), and Pastor Rich Lang of the University Temple United Methodist Church. The Stranger newspaper then endorsed Kshama Sawant as a write-in against Chopp.
We welcomed the opportunity to campaign in both positions because, for us, this is about building a movement to stop the budget cuts, to show voters that the Democratic Party as a whole is culpable for the policies that have seen the state budget decimated in recent years. Chopp and Pedersen have virtually identical voting records. Now that our campaign has won more votes as a write-in against Chopp, we have decided we can have a bigger impact by challenging the House Speaker. As the second most powerful person in Olympia, Chopp is the architect of these attacks on working people and we look forward to debating him on these issues, said Sawant.
How You Can Support our Campaign:
Please contact Sec. of State Sam Reed and tell him that he should allow our party preference to appear on the ballot! As of now they are stating that changing races will mean we can't have a party preference on the ballot, even though voters were fully aware of our party when they wrote us in! (for background details see: http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/08/20/write-in-right-on-3415-voters-correctly-spell-kshama-sawants-name Email: firstname.lastname@example.com Telephone (360) 902-4151 Twitter - @secstatewa
Vote Sawant / P.O. Box 85862, Seattle, WA 98145. Candidate party preference: Socialist Altern.


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- April 21, 2009
- 11:26 a.m.
- Suggest removal
- Reply to this post
AliasElias writes:
in response to Melstan25:
I think that a Lawyer at Nahon Saharovich and Trotz tried the Anna Mae He case. That must have taken alot of experience from many people.
You are exactly right. David Siegel represented the Hes, and did so pro bono.
He's won many awards for his service in that case (which has come to be the poster child for how the judicial system can run amok), and deserves to be canonized, if for no other reason than that he had to put up with the shenanigans of that maniac, Larry Parrish.
It is a tribute to the NHT firm that they allowed him to spend the thousands of hours he did seeking justice in that case.
But then again, Corey Trotz is no David Siegel.
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- carringtonrj and spreadingvirus like this
Welcome to Gay Authors
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Benedict and Martin at the European premiere of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug in Berlin. (x)
I usually hate pictures of myself but I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I HAVE A PICTURE OF ME WITH MARTIN FREEMAN!!!!
That's really sweet! Congrats!
You and him both look adorable. Thanks so much for sharing, doll!
countdown to series three
one otp → johnlock"i was so alone, and i owe you so much."
Martin Freeman at the premiere "Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug" in Berlin.
Martin on the red carpet at the Berlin premiere of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.
Martin Freeman at the European premiere of "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug" in Berlin
Martin Freeman at' The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug' - premiere in Berlin..


text:
45 terms · In Ch. 7 Textbook. and Ch. 9. +Notes.
the movement of molecules from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration (passive process)
the diffusion of water through a selectively permeable membrane (cell membrane) (passive process)
Facilitated Diffusion
movement of molecules from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration through a protein channel. (passive process)
Active Transport
movement of stuff from n area of low concentration to an area of high concentration (against the concentration gradient) (active process)
any act of "engulfing" (ex.) Pinocytosis (cell drinking)+ Phagocytosis (Cell Eating). (Active Process)
What is the difference btwn plant cells and animal cells?
Plant cells have a cell wall and chloroplasts.
What are the four main types of tissue?
Muscle (contract), epithelial (cheek), nervous (brain), and connective (blood).


text:
Object description
SAAF and RAF crews of No. 25 Squadron SAAF gather by their Martin Marauders in a dispersal at Biferno, Italy, prior to taking off on a daylight bombing sortie. Members of the South African Native Miltary Corps can be seen moving 250-lb GP bombs from the bomb train in the foreground.
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19(1)Section 1 of the M1Refuse Disposal (Amenity) Act 1978 (provision by waste disposal authorities of places etc. for disposal of refuse) shall be amended in relation to Scotland as follows.E+W+S
(2)In subsection (1) at the end there shall be inserted the words " and to dispose of refuse so deposited ".
(3)In subsection (6) for the words from "mandamus" to the end of the subsection there shall be substituted the words " by proceedings under section 45 of the Court of Session Act 1988 ".
(4)In subsection (7) the definition of "local authority" and the word "and" which follows it shall be omitted.
Annotations are used to give authority for changes and other effects on the legislation you are viewing and to convey editorial information. They appear at the foot of the relevant provision or under the associated heading. Annotations are categorised by annotation type, such as F-notes for textual amendments and I-notes for commencement information (a full list can be found in the Editorial Practice Guide). Each annotation is identified by a sequential reference number. For F-notes, M-notes and X-notes, the number also appears in bold superscript at the relevant location in the text. All annotations contain links to the affecting legislation.
Commencement Information
I1Sch. 15 para. 19 wholly in force at 1.4.1992 see S.I. 1992/266, art. 3
Marginal Citations


text:
Tracy Hicks
140 East Tyler Street
Longview, TX 75601
HQ Phone: 903-236-7700
Email: Sign Up
Direct Phone : Not Available
Updated On :
Nov 29, 2012
Tracy Hicks is Ksa Engineers Inc's CEO. Their VP is Tracy Hicks. Their Lead411 profile is categorized under the industry. If you're checking for Ksa Engineers Inc email addresses, these are also available on Lead411 with the @ksaeng.com email addresses and possibly Tracy Hicks's email. Ksa Engineers Inc is based in Longview, TX. You can also get Tracy Hicks's linkedin info, twitter data, and biography on their Lead411 profile. Their information is filed under the category.


text:
Usdan Center is proud to announce new offerings for the 2014 Season
Sewing and Fashion Production, Theater Dance, and Audition Workshop will be offered in the 2014 season.
Read More11.13.13
Sewing and Fashion Production, Theater Dance, and Audition Workshop will be offered in the 2014 season.
Read More10.15.13
Long Island's 2013 Chess Challenge was held on October 6th at the Hexter Center.
Read More9.16.13
A generous tribute to Erica Kuhn has been received from her husband, John. Erica was the founding member of Usdan's administrative staff who passed away last year. The donation bears the dedication, "A gift of John Kuhn in memory of his beloved wife Erica". Erica embodied the spirit of Usdan as her high artistic standards, belief in hard work and love of children defined her contributions to our culture. Her buoyant morning greeting, "Hiya Honey", always delivered in stage voice, continues to touch the hearts of tens of thousands of alumni. Professor John Kuhn is a singer and voice teacher whose studio includes another Usdanite, Christopher Macchio. Christopher is a tenor who appears frequently in concerts throughout the country. The photo shows Erica and John in a visit to Usdan four years ago.
Read More8.21.13
A beloved Usdanite passed away yesterday. Marian McPartland was an internationally acclaimed jazz pianist who died at her Long Island home at age 95. Marian performed at many Usdan assemblies, also visiting the Center frequently as a master teacher in the Jazz Studies program.She always had a mic at her side on stage, in order to speak to our students about her love of music. Here she introduced us to a uniquely sophisticated keyboard style, presented in collaboration with her wonderful bassist and drummer. But Marian barely tolerated the heat of the old Assembly building, as it was reflected onto the stage from a metal roof just slightly above her keyboard. She was nevertheless a trouper, and regardless of the temperature would apply copious amounts of makeup in the Center's first "artists lounge", a broom closet on the side of the old stage. When I told Marian about the wonderful backstage amenities in our new McKinley Amphitheater she laughed and said, "I will invite my colleagues to come to Usdan, now with the luxury of an air conditioned green room!" She was named a National Endowment for the Arts Jazz Master in 2000, given a lifetime achievement Grammy Award in 2004, inducted into the National Radio Hall of Fame in 2007, and was named a member of the Order of the British Empire in 2010. Marian will long be remembered by colleagues and fans throughout the world, including two generations of devoted Usdanites.
Read More6.17.13
Five students have scholarships this summer thanks to a grant from Bethpage Federal Credit Union. Each of the five has been "adopted" by a Bethpage branch manager and will represent his or her local branch as a member of one of Usdan's bands, choruses, or orchestras. Speaking about the third season of the collaboration, Executive Director Dale Lewis said: "We are proud to partner with Bethpage Federal Credit Union, one of our region's preeminent leaders in community service and corporate philanthropy. We are grateful to Kirk Kordeleski, President and CEO, and his staff for their generous support of five of Long Island's top student musicians." This year's class of Usdan/Bethpage Federal scholars were introduced to their Bethpage branch sponsors at a June 12th reception at Usdan. The students and their sponsoring branches are: Jordan Williams a Junior at Elwood John Glenn High School. Jordan's scholarship is sponsored by Bethpage's Huntington branch, and he will study Trumpet and Chorus.Band IV. Cara Jacobson is being sponsored by the Credit Union's Melville branch. Cara us a Junior at Half Hollow Hills East High School and she will perform with the Senior Chorus and the Select Chamber Choir. Abraham Pierre is an Eight Grade student at Robert Moses Middle School. He is being sponsored by the North Babylon branch, and will study Tenor Saxophone and will perform in one of the Jazz Ensemblez. Joseph Tanay-Noto is being sponsored by the Commack branch. He is a Junior at Commack High School and is a cellist. Joseph will perform with Orchestra IV and the Senior Chorus. Jordi Ariel Lotito is a violinist, and a Senior at WT Clarke High School. Jordi will be sponsored by the Levittown branch, and she will perform with Orchestra IV and the Senior Chorus.
Read More6.6.13
Usdan's Leadership Council is composed of Long Island's leading business and community leaders. Members raise funds for scholarships at Usdan, and they introduce the Center to friends and colleagues in campus tours that they host. The June meeting of the Council was held in the Hexter Center, where students and faculty were presented in performance. Violinist Thomas Roggio performed Fauré's Berceuse, followed by Flutist Melisa Brown who performed the Concertino by Chaminade. Joseph Keiserman sang the jazz standard When Sunny Gets Blue. The program concluded with a performance by Usdan trumpet teacher Michael Blutman, who presented Guy Ropartz's Andante and Allegro. Following his performance, Mr. Blutman spoke about his teaching at Usdan. In addition to his commitment to teaching, Mr. Blutman is a prominent orchestral and chamber musician who frequently performs as a member of New York's top ensembles including Orchestra of St. Lukes and the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra. He has been a member of Usdan's faculty since 2010.
Read More6.3.13
An exciting new collaboration will take place this summer between Usdan Center and Brooklyn Academy of Music's Youth Summer Programs. Students from Usdan's Senior Division Creative Writing Major will travel to BAM on two days in July, to work with students in BAM's Style and Substance Creative Writing workshop.
Led by Usdan teacher David Surface, and BAM teacher Richard Hoehler, students will together create a narrative project that will become a play or series of interwoven monologues and dialogues. Students will work to create the theme of the piece, and will then write a script for a new piece of collaborative Theater. The culminating event will take place in BAM's new Fisher Building and will feature professional actors bring the new theater work to life.
This July, Usdan will present "Finale: A Vibrant Tool For Today's Music Educators." The four-day workshops will be taught by faculty member and certified Finale clinician David Dolgon.
Read More5.21.13
With just weeks left before 1,600 young people return to campus, Usdan will open with new programs and enrollment options during this 46th Season. Among them is a Jazz and Tap Intensive for 7th to 12th grade students.
Read More2.8.13
A student art show titled Duality opened at a Manhattan art space on Tuesday. The exhibit includes paintings and mixed-media works and had an opening reception on February 12th. The show will run from February 12- March 8, 2013 at the 430 Park Avenue Lobby Gallery at the corner of 56th Street. The exhibit is free and open to the public daily from 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM.
Read More


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Search result from Business, Company in Thailand, Services, Professional services
943 results found
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Rank | Details | Category | Location |
108 Engine Co.,Ltd.108 Engine Co.is a one stop service center dealing in new and used vehicles.They trade in all brand names like Chevrolet, Ford, Isuzu, Mazda, Mitsubishi, Nissan Tata and Toyota.They also deal in motorcycles and tractors. 0 replies more details |
Transportation & logistics |
Bang Kho Laem, Bangkok |
124 Communications Consulting Co., Ltd.Establishing two decades ago, today 124 Communications is ranked among the world's largest 250 PR firms and the first PR consulting firm listed in an Asian stock market. Throughout that time, it has provided all-encompas... 0 replies more details |
Professional services |
Huai Khwang, Bangkok |
13 D-sign Studio13 D-sign studio is located at Chon Buri. The company offers and makes all kind of advertising works, stickers, light boxes, name plates, printing and metal letters. The company also designs and installs the billboards,... 0 replies more details |
Media & publishing |
Muang Chon Buri, Chonburi |
2T Thaikoon Co., Ltd.2T Thaikoon Co. is a producer of stickers for all printing systems, advertising, and stock labels and for sealing tapes for packaging.Any sticker for any label are computer graphically produced so as to supply customer n... 0 replies more details |
Media & publishing |
Bang Khunthian , Bangkok |
2W Logistics (Thailand) Co., Ltd.2W Logistics (Thailand) Co. is located in Chon Buri, Thailand. The company specialise in delivering global factory-to-dealer integrated logistics solutions.For all your transportation needs they can assist you in every a... 0 replies more details |
Transportation & logistics |
Muang Chon Buri, Chonburi |
A AdvertisingA Advertising is located in the Muang district of Khon Kaen on Na Muang Road. It offers and services cut out stickers, inkjets, banners, hand bills and labels. 0 replies more details |
Media & publishing |
Muang Khon Kaen, Khon Kaen |
A&G International Cargo (Thailand) Co., Ltd.The company is an international freight forwarding company, was established in 2002. The company has its own network cover all major cities in China. The company has developed partnerships with many Freight Forwarding co... 0 replies more details |
Transportation & logistics |
Wang Thonglang, Bangkok |
A-Link Recruitment Co., Ltd.The company is a Thai/Japanese consulting & recruitment company. The company's motto, "Best way to Best Job", stands as a token that it is constantly striving for its customers. The company works hard to make sure th... 0 replies more details |
Professional services |
Bang Rak, Bangkok |
A-Sonic Logistics (Thailand) Co., LtdA-Sonic Logistic Solutions is a supply chain management service provider that specializes in logistics movements. The company operates internationally and domestically in multi-modal transportation and warehousing and ai... 0 replies more details |
Transportation & logistics |
Klong Toey , Bangkok |
A.B. Thai Commercial Labour Co., Ltd.The company is licensed and approved to supply labour for overseas employment. It has been working in the field of recruiting and sending workers abroad since 1984. The company's recruits have been to many countries ... 0 replies more details |
Professional services |
Muang Ubon Ratchathani, Ubon Ratcha Thani |
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