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Saturday, July 17, 2010
Shrimp and Cheesy Grits - Pink Saturday
From the kitchen of One Perfect Bite...One of the benefits of having family spread across the country is the opportunity to sample regional foods and meet with like-minded folks who also enjoy the kitchen. Today's recipe is the kidnapped offspring of one that was developed by chef Jon Bonnell for a side dish that was to be served in his Texas restaurant. Under normal circumstances, I would have nothing to do with a dish like this. Years ago, while traveling in the South, I developed an active dislike of grits which appeared, unrequested and unseasoned, on my breakfast plate - over and over again. I equated them with paste. Truth be told, I thought paste had more flavor. At any rate, this past year I was given a copy of Bonnell's book, on the condition I make a version of his shrimp and grits. I should be ashamed I know, but I wanted the book, so my version of shrimp and grits was born. For the uninitiated, grits are coarsely ground dried corn that's served boiled, or boiled and then fried. While they're related to corn meal, they are more coarsely ground. They can be found on the cereal aisles in all large food markets. I've used quick cooking grits in my recipe and my directions are based on those that come on the box of grits I buy. If you make this dish, check the instructions on your box to make sure there are not vastly different from the ones I give here. You may also want to increase the heat by adding more hot pepper sauce. Be careful if you do that. The dish can quickly turn to fire if too much is used. This is a wonderfully easy recipe. It is, unfortunately, high in calories because of the amount of cream used to assemble the dish. While you can cut back to half-and-half, the dish really is not the same. Despite my initial reservations, I've really come to love this dish and serve it as an entree for family and close friends. I think you might like it too. Here's the recipe.
Shrimp with Cheesy Grits...from the kitchen of One Perfect Bite inspired by Jon Bonnell
1/2 cup chopped yellow onion
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon butter
1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce (i.e. Tabasco)
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup chicken stock
1 tablespoon Creole seasoning
1/2 cup quick grits
1/2 cup grated Monterey or Pepper Jack cheese
12 ounces Andouille sausage, cut in 1/2-inch dice
1 teaspoon butter
1 pound large (16 - 20) count shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce (i.e.Tabasco)
Salt and pepper to taste
1) To make the grits: Melt butter in a medium nonstick skillet set over medium heat. Add onions and saute until soft, about 3 to 5 minutes. Add garlic and saute until fragrant, about 30 seconds longer. Add hot sauce, heavy cream and chicken stock and bring just to a simmer. Whisk in Creole seasoning and grits. Cook, stirring constantly until mixture begins to thicken, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat. Fold in cheese and let sit, covered, for 5 minutes.
2) To make shrimp: Melt butter in a large nonstick skillet set over medium heat. Add sausage and saute in butter until lightly browned. Add shrimp and cook for two minutes. Pour in cream and add hot sauce. Reduce heat and cook until cream thickens slightly and shrimp is cooked through, about 3 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
3) To serve: Spread grits on a small platter. Pour shrimp and sauce over grits. Yield: 4 servings.
You might also enjoy these recipes:
Blue Corn Muffins - One Perfect Bite
Spoon Bread with Leeks and Gruyere Cheese - One Perfect Bite
Oven Baked Polenta - One Perfect Bite
Garlic Shrimp and Cheddar Grits - A Dose of Frosting
Shrimp and Andouille Sausage - Framed: My Life One Picture at a Time
Grits and Grillades - Deep South Dish
This post is being linked to:
Pink Saturday, sponsored by Beverly at How Sweet the Sound.
70 comments :
- RV said...
It looks spiced up and am loving it.
- July 17, 2010 at 1:38 AM
- PranisKitchen said...
Really deliicous shrimp. very new recipe to me.. sure will try this.addition of grits make this really delicious..
- July 17, 2010 at 1:48 AM
- Diane said...
To the best of my knowledge, grits are an unknown item here in France and I have not seen them in the UK. But anything that has prawns in it must be good.Diane
- July 17, 2010 at 2:03 AM
- Monet said...
I have an aversion to grits (which is unfounded, I know). I'm not a big fan of warm breakfast cereals (oatmeal, grits, cream of wheat), but I think its due to my own lack of skill. If I had a plate of grits before me, smothered with cheese and flavored with Creole seasoning, I think I could become a convert!
- July 17, 2010 at 2:06 AM
- SKIP TO MALOU said...
grits + shrimp = brunch for me... gtreat combo and I would imagine interesting mix of different textures too...
Happy Pink Saturday Mary!
Malou - July 17, 2010 at 3:02 AM
- J e l e n a said...
I wish I was a test taster at your house...those are some lucky people who are gonna taste this dish...love the seafood...grits I've never tasted..hear Oprah talking about them all the time...
- July 17, 2010 at 5:42 AM
- Bakericious said...
I love this dish, the prawns look fresh and crushy. I am sure I can eat with a big bowl of rice!
- July 17, 2010 at 5:53 AM
- Chele said...
Cheesy Grits!!! I love it ;0)
- July 17, 2010 at 6:00 AM
- Simply Life said...
oh my, that looks like my perfect meal! Do you have a restaurant I can order it from?? )
- July 17, 2010 at 6:39 AM
- The Words Crafter said...
I smiled as I read this. It is so true that here in the south, you'll find grits everywhere. However, only a few places get them right and we pass that information along to each other. Funny, I love well prepared grits. I cannot, sadly, eat shrimp. I've tried several kinds...however, I'm either related to, or know, lots of people who could live off them, so this recipe will be passed to them. Accompanied with grits? They'll think they're in heaven! Have a wonderful Saturday and thanks for your sweet comments on my posts, they mean a lot!
- July 17, 2010 at 6:42 AM
- penny aka jeroxie said...
The shrimps look so plump! I wish I could have it all.
- July 17, 2010 at 6:47 AM
- From the Kitchen said...
I grew up in gritless VA but came to know them living in Charleston, SC. I love them in recipes like this one and as a side to "sopping" eggs! They're not as easy to find in the midwest.
Have a delicious weekend!!
Bonnie - July 17, 2010 at 7:24 AM
- Sam Hoffer / My Carolina Kitchen said...
Mary, I had no idea you didn't like grits. I didn't either growing up in the south. They were white runny things on the plate with a pat of (yuck) margarine on top at the local greasy spoon.
Then one day someone served a cheese grits casserole as a side dish and it spoke to me. And from that day forward I loved grits.
I do believe the secret is to salt the water well before cooking the grits. If you don't, there is no way in the world you can make the grits taste good, no matter what you do to them.
Shrimp and grits have become one of my favorite meals and I serve it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'm so glad you've come to appreciate it. Isn't is amazing what wanting a cookbook can do to a person?
Sam - July 17, 2010 at 7:46 AM
- Sweet Southern Prep said...
I LOVE shrimp and grits! I'll definitely be trying this yummy recipe soon. Thanks!
- July 17, 2010 at 8:23 AM
- Baking is my Zen...sweet nibbles for the soul said...
If I give it a try, I'll let you know...
Carmen - July 17, 2010 at 8:44 AM
- My Little Space said...
What a fabulous side dish! Sounds simple and wonderful. Thanks for sharing it. Enjoy your day!
Cheers, Kristy - July 17, 2010 at 8:49 AM
- Julie said...
Beautiful dish! I love grits and shrimp, so I am sure this one would be a hit!! Happy Pink Saturday!!
- July 17, 2010 at 8:57 AM
- PeggyR said...
Those sound wonderful! Happy pink Saturday
- July 17, 2010 at 9:06 AM
- What's next said...
I love shrimp and grits! I have a great recipe with gouda cheese that is wonderful! I'm going to try yours. I'm still trying to get my husband to be be a convert in the grits area... he is determined he doesn't like them...
- July 17, 2010 at 9:29 AM
- Federica Simoni said...
come sempre un piatto eccezionale!!complimenti!!ciao!
- July 17, 2010 at 9:31 AM
- lisaiscooking said...
Well-made grits are a wonderful thing! I love shrimp and grits, and this sounds fantastic.
- July 17, 2010 at 9:41 AM
- Pam said...
Mary, your dish looks delicious! I love grits and this is a great combo you made.
However, you must try stone-ground grits. They have a great crunchy texture and it makes a huge difference in a dish. I can't buy them locally here but order them from Nora Mill. And then there's stone-ground cornmeal too! - July 17, 2010 at 9:58 AM
- Big Dude said...
I love shrimp and grits and this recipe sounds very good.
- July 17, 2010 at 10:00 AM
- Yvonne @ StoneGable said...
This is a plate of southern heaven! Oh, I love cheesey grits. But I'm with you on the plain old kind that are a staple of southern chain restaurant breakfasts!
This is one to have for company!
Yvonne - July 17, 2010 at 10:08 AM
- Foley said...
The shrimp looks perfect, would tak that in a New York minute. The grits, however, is still up for debate. Tried them once and was not a fan. Maybe I should give them another chance.
Wonderful photo, but then all of yours are masterpieces! - July 17, 2010 at 10:15 AM
- scrambledhenfruit said...
Mmmmm...so full of flavors! Even though I'm from the south, I've only just recently learned to appreciate grits. My sister just gave me a bag of stoneground grits she picked up at a historic water-powered mill. This sounds like a worthy recipe to try them out in! Thanks for sharing :)
- July 17, 2010 at 10:15 AM
- Unknown said...
I like your recipe, we don't eat a lot of grits here but I really like them and with cheese, even better!
- July 17, 2010 at 10:35 AM
- Create. Snap. Eat. said...
My goodness -- this looks amazing. I will be sending this to my sister!
- July 17, 2010 at 10:45 AM
- Sushma Mallya said...
Very nice recipe,looks so yum
- July 17, 2010 at 10:50 AM
- Unknown said...
What a great recepie!
Happy Pink Saturday!
Charo - July 17, 2010 at 11:04 AM
- Adventures in Domestic Cooking said...
Oh my goodness, this looks so terribly good!!
- July 17, 2010 at 11:06 AM
- Unknown said...
I had the same experience the first time I had grits. My mom loved them so much that I thought I'd give them a try... ugh.... since then I have actually had grits that were ok, but still never been my favorite thing. Your dish makes me want to give it another though, it looks and sounds delicious!
- July 17, 2010 at 11:11 AM
- Joe Ambrosino said...
Your recipe sounds great, Mary although I confess that I do not like grits. Of course, I do eat polenta which is a totally different "animal" in my estimation. My tendency would be to "Italianize" this dish by cutting out the cheese and doing the shrimp in some kind of tomato basil sauce perhaps.
- July 17, 2010 at 11:15 AM
- Rita said...
I really don't know too much about grits; like you the only time i tasted it was when travelling in the south of your contry and I was not impressed. You are bringing this to a breand new level.I wonder it I can find frits at my supermarket; will surely look for it. Thank you for the great new introduction to this staple.
Rita - July 17, 2010 at 11:17 AM
- Mickey said...
My husband loves grits. Being a Texan with close ties to New Orleans, I just don't know what happened to me. I cannot bring myself to eat them, but the husband will LOVE these. Thanks
mickey - July 17, 2010 at 11:19 AM
- Char said...
My wonderful husband loves grits and I think this just may be the recipe to try. Happy Pink Saturday to you and yours, Char
- July 17, 2010 at 11:35 AM
- Jen_from_NJ said...
I have never liked grits but now I think that it may be time to give them another chance. Sounds delicious!
- July 17, 2010 at 11:42 AM
- Susi's Kochen und Backen said...
This sounds divine! Even though it might be reserved for a special occasion due to all the heavy cream I will have to make your version for my husband who I'm sure will thoroughly enjoy this meal! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
- July 17, 2010 at 11:50 AM
- Southerncook said...
Mary, This shrimp and grits recipe looks delish. Now I LOVE grits but I was raised on them. I even have a cookbook by Natalie DuPree devoted totally to grits but it is without a doubt a "Southern" thing. I have made a copy of this recipe and I think I will try it this weekend. I am in an area along the Gulf Coast that has not been affected by the oil spill as of yet. We can still get beautiful shrimp in our area. My feeling is to eat them up as long as we can get them. Thanks for posting this recipe. It looks like a keeper.
Carolyn/A Southerners Notebook - July 17, 2010 at 11:58 AM
- Unknown said...
that looks wonderful!!! I absolutely love anything with shrimp.
Have a great day!! - July 17, 2010 at 12:06 PM
- Vegetarian Yogini said...
One of the reasons I come to Mary's blog daily is, apart from her perfect recipes, the food photos that are just so well taken and presented! I enjoy the passion you put into your work, dear Mary!
- July 17, 2010 at 12:23 PM
- Julie m. said...
Mary, you're so right about grits. They can either be like eating a bowl of paste or, if done right, absolutely delicious. I love cheesy grits done right and this looks great! I may be trying this one.
Oh, and if you decide to try the salmon and can't find the flowers, I will happily mail a packet to you. Just let me know. Have a great Saturday! - July 17, 2010 at 12:42 PM
- Cherine said...
Wow this looks so good!!
- July 17, 2010 at 1:16 PM
- Keeley said...
I'm so glad you found grits that you like! My grandparents are from NC and I've been eating good grits since I was a baby. It's not common to find grits in restaurants in the mid-Atlantic. They are one of my favorite foods for any time of day, especially with cheese. I'm looking forward to trying this recipe.
- July 17, 2010 at 1:24 PM
- Carole Poirot said...
The combination with shrimps and sausauge make it sound delicious, I've never had grits, so may have to try it. Have a lovely weekend, Love from London x
- July 17, 2010 at 2:35 PM
- StephenC said...
I am a huge fan of shrimp and grits and have made it many times. It's always fun to see a few tweaks and variations.
- July 17, 2010 at 2:46 PM
- Angie's Recipes said...
I have never had shrimp cooked with grits...it's a new and yet very tempting dish for me.
- July 17, 2010 at 2:53 PM
- Jacqueline said...
My husband taught me to love grits and we love, love love shrimp so this is really looking good. I am always looking for new ways to serve shrimp. Thanks for stopping by. I will be back.
- July 17, 2010 at 2:57 PM
- Regina said...
Happy Pink Saturday Mary.
Enjoy a great day.
" Regina " - July 17, 2010 at 3:23 PM
- Kath said...
I didn't think I liked grits until I had some deliciously cheesy and creamy grits in Lafayette, LA. Your recipe looks like it might be very similar, so I may have to try it! Thanks for posting it.
- July 17, 2010 at 3:28 PM
- Deb in Hawaii said...
I have never been a lover of grits but I have learned to appreciate them when they are cooked well. This recipe looks really delicious with the shrimp and the spice.
;-) - July 17, 2010 at 3:49 PM
- Katie@Cozydelicious said...
This sounds SO tasty! I love the spice - I'm a huge fan of andouille. Yum!
- July 17, 2010 at 4:09 PM
- Katerina said...
These shrimps look so colorful and tasty. Unfortunately I cannot find some of the ingredients you are using in this recipe, here in Greece. Perhaps I can substitute.
- July 17, 2010 at 4:53 PM
- dana said...
What a great idea!! Thanks for sharing. I like grits....with loads of cheese! Otherwise, I agree with you, paste usually tastes better!! :)
I was madly searching for a Texas Cavier recipe to take to our 4th of July Picnic. I googled and flipped through cookbooks and couldn't find what I had in mind. Then I looked on the back of a Bush's black bean can (I had in the pantry) and found a very tasty recipe called "black bean salsa". It was a huge hit at the picnic..and I've since worked on the recipe to delete tons of the sodium in it. HOWEVER, your recipe on your previous posts sounds AWESOME. I will be saving that, Mary, for future use!!
Thanks for your delightful blog! dana - July 17, 2010 at 5:26 PM
- Bir Dut Masalı - nUnU said...
I like shrimpand
looks very tasty.
I wish you a nice weekend - July 17, 2010 at 5:49 PM
- Jaime and Jen DISH said...
I love shrimp and grits, bravo! Husband is from North Carolina where this dish is a hit!
- July 17, 2010 at 6:03 PM
- Martha said...
We do like cheesy grits and I know shrimp and grits are another southern favorite -- but I've not ever had them although I have had grits! - but when I'm back in the kitchen I'll have to try this.
- July 17, 2010 at 6:38 PM
- eileeninmd said...
To be truthful, I have never tasted grits. They just didn't look very tasty to me. But your recipe with the shrimp sounds great. Happy Pink Saturday!
- July 17, 2010 at 7:25 PM
- Vijay said...
Hi charming girl....you have a wonderful blog...apart from visiting your blog.. i feel to drop a comment for you here at your blog...since you have a wonderful contents,,,really ..for a non native english speaking person like me...this blog helps to improve communication by reading the contents....
I would like to keep in touch with u as a blogger and also as a friend...
thank u...nice blog - July 18, 2010 at 6:01 AM
- Cristina said...
I would like to try grits, but need to make sure my first experience is a good one. This just may do that for me! Beautiful dish and one that will entice me to eagerly try infamous grits. ;)
Thank you for visiting my blog and your kind words. It's truly an honor being that you have such a lovely blog. ~Cristina - July 18, 2010 at 10:36 AM
- Gloria Baker said...
This look fantastic! I love shrimps Mary! Have a nice day, gloria
- July 18, 2010 at 11:05 AM
- Ingrid said...
I just bought some fresh shrimp. I'm going to make this tonight! Wish me luck! :)
- July 18, 2010 at 3:10 PM
- pigpigscorner said...
Oh my, I can have this every day!
- July 18, 2010 at 3:38 PM
- Patti said...
Our family LOVES grits. We are from the South but are currently living in the Northwest, and we always think it's funny when we mention grits and people don't know what they are. We are crazy about them, and we love shrimp too, so this recipe sounds like something we would love and want to have often.
Thanks for sharing,
Patti - July 18, 2010 at 6:22 PM
- LittleRed said...
I am so going to have to try this! Thanks for sharing. We cannot get grits here, but I just came home from a holiday in the US and I brought back a large tub of grits....I can hardly wait:)
- July 18, 2010 at 6:37 PM
- Ciao Chow Linda said...
I've always heard about shrimp and grits but never tried it. I know I'd love your version.
- July 18, 2010 at 7:19 PM
- FOODESSA said...
Mary...this shrimp dish would incredibly please Hubby and I. I have to admit...I may have to avoid packing all that heat. We seem to be on the slightly tummy sensitive side ;o)
Great dish!
Flavourful wishes,
Claudia - July 19, 2010 at 6:34 AM
- Beverly said...
Happy Pink Saturday, dear Mary.
I am a shrimp and grits connoisseur. And, I am very picky about my grits. I really only like them as a base for a dish like this, but he eats them as a hot breakfast dish. My husband likes them cooked where the taste remains very "gritty", and I like mine cooked more slowly and creamy. I use shrimp stock when preparing my grits for this dish, and I add a bit of white wine to my shrimp sauce. We also love cheesy grits with catfish.
You know everything you prepare sounds wonderful. - July 19, 2010 at 10:47 AM
- Chef Fresco said...
Shrimp and grits are our favorite! This looks like a great recipe and the shrimp are jumping off the page!
- July 20, 2010 at 6:49 PM
- Melissa and Zack said...
okay, here's another one I want you to make us!!!
- July 22, 2010 at 3:42 PM


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Friday, April 09, 2010
Faithless, Take Two
Lehi announces that he's had a vision that Jerusalem is going to be destroyed. He tells his family, including his sons Laman and Lemuel, that they need to gather a few items and leave their home, to set off into the wilderness immediately.
Laman and Lemuel are the villains of the story. They follow their father, but they're skeptical. They start off in the story merely questioning and grumbling, and eventually, over time, become more and more rebellious.
I always sort of related to Laman and Lemuel.
If my father had announced he'd had a vision, that we were leaving our home and going to live in the desert, I would've thought he was nuts too. I understood their reluctance to do all of those hard things based only on faith.
And it's not as though they didn't GO into the wilderness. They did. They went. They were, at first, outwardly righteous. They started off doing what they were supposed to be doing. But it all went to hell later on, because they just didn't have enough faith.
I was always a fairly skeptical child. I believed because I'd been brought up to believe, because it was just what we did - we believed. I had a strong desire to be good, or at least to be THOUGHT OF as good.
But now and then I would turn to my mom and say How can we think WE'RE right when there are all of those people in China who are just as convinced THEY'RE right? How can we know for sure? There's a whole lot more of them than us.
It didn't make sense to me, why God would allow so many people not to know our truth - missionaries or no missionaries. It didn't make sense to me, statistically, that we would be the ones who were right. Those people probably had testimonies of their truth too. How could we be sure?
As a kid, sometimes I felt like the stories I heard - from the bible, from the book of mormon, from church history - they seemed almost too fantastic. Somebody walked on water? Somebody survived in the belly of a whale? Somebody found golden plates? Somebody rose from the dead? An ark? Really? If I'd told stories like that, I would've been soundly spanked and sent to bed with no dinner.
Oh, I believed God was there and could see all of the naughty things I was doing, that He was writing them down and OH BOY WAS I GOING TO BE IN TROUBLE.
THAT, I believed.
But sometimes the details gave me pause. Having a testimony required a suspension of disbelief that was sometimes difficult for me. The whole cognitive dissonance thing.
Before I got married I was on my way home from a ski trip with The Boy Who Shall Not Be Named and I was pontificating about dinosaurs, and wondering out loud about how on earth could anyone possibly deny the reality of evolution, and he bit my head off, told me to stop focusing on such trivial crap and look at the big picture. I was wounded, but managed to snap back, I SEE THE BIG PICTURE, but it doesn't make the little pictures invisible you big freak. I just meant that someday I'll have a lot of questions for God. GOSH. You're such a JERK.
That was pretty much how I felt, minus the insulting comments.
I had doubts, but I had enough faith to get past them.
When we lived in Las Vegas, shortly after I started having issues, I was called to be a Relief Society teacher. (Relief Society is the women's organization.) I will be totally non-humble for a second and tell you that I was a GREAT Relief Society teacher. I could make people laugh, make them cry, get a good discussion going.
Every time I gave a lesson crowds of people would come up to me afterward, thank me for the lesson, tell me how strongly they felt the spirit. That they could feel my testimony.
I would go home even more confused because - how could that be? If a whole room full of women couldn't distinguish between the spirit and a charismatic speaker, how was I supposed to be able to recognize it?
I went to girl's camp as a teenager, stood up in the testimony meeting we were having around a campfire and gave a cathartic, weeping declaration of faith, then sat down feeling drained and bonded and happy, but another part of my brain thinking, well THAT was a bit much, wasn't it Sue?
Angel on one shoulder, devil on the other.
The few people I confided in would say, Sue, you just need to have faith.
I would say, THAT'S THE PROBLEM. I don't HAVE any.
They would tell me to pray, to read my scriptures, to take it to the Lord.
I would say, I'm doing that, I promise - because I WANT TO BELIEVE. I WANT ANSWERS. I LIKE being a mormon. I ROCK at being a mormon. It's MY WHOLE THING. I want these doubts to just - go plague someone else. To get out of my head. I'm doing that and I'm getting NOTHING.
Usually, that's when they would imply that it must be because I was sinning.
After all, God talked to THEM, so clearly, I must be doing it wrong. Or I wasn't recognizing it.
But I'd heard His voice before. I knew what it sounded like.
One starry night, Laman and Lemuel are beating their brother with a stick and an Angel of the Lord comes down and tells them to knock it off, Or Else.
They forget this lesson approximately 12.2 seconds after they learn it.
People are always perplexed by this story. How could this be? If an angel came and told you to stop doing something, wouldn't it make an impression?
If God intervened in your life that directly, how could you ever forget it? How could you ever deny it?
When I was twenty-nine, my husband and I had been married for five years. He was almost done with his degree and attending the police academy, and I was firmly entrenched in a challenging, well-paying job that I absolutely hated.
We had no children. This made us sort of an oddity in the Mormon world. Nearly thirty and childless in a mormon context is like nearly forty in the rest of the world. We'd been trying, but my uterus was not cooperating, and when we finally did get pregnant, I had a miscarriage. My best friend got pregnant right after my miscarriage, and I tried hard to be happy for her, but I was heartbroken.
In the mormon world, teenagers get this thing called a patriarchal blessing. You go see the patriarch for your area and he gives you a special blessing with guidance just for you - specific to your life. They record it for you and give it to you to keep and refer back to throughout your life - kind of like a road map, or (as I rather mystically believed) like a fortune cookie, but from God, and typically more realistic.
I'd never gotten mine. When I was a teenager, I was sure that an invitation to have God speak directly to me would invite him to say things like "YOU FOOLISH GIRL" and "I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING IN THE BATHROOM LAST NIGHT." It was not something I wanted to deal with. And then later on, it didn't feel right, so I didn't get it.
But at 29, without children, without a clear path for my life, I felt like maybe it was time.
We showed up there one Sunday morning at the appointed time, and chit-chatted for a minute, awkward small talk between strangers, before going into another room where he laid his hands on my head and pronounced a blessing.
He said the Lord knew the desires of my heart and knew how wounded I felt. He said that I would be a mother. He said that my husband should give me a blessing of healing. He told us the specific words my husband should say. He told me the Lord knew how much I worried and fretted over things I'd done in the past, and that he wanted me to know it was o.k. He said the Lord knew how hard I'd been on myself, and he wanted me to stop it, that those were no longer my burdens to carry.
And I felt something. Something I'd never felt before (or since). Not the feeling of being kind of touched, that feeling I typically took to be the spirit (like that feeling you got after you watched a particularly moving Hallmark commercial), but a literal warmth and filling. A physical weight, pressing down on me, an internal heater set full-blast.
I sat there, shocked and crying.
Ten months later, Megan was born.
My husband would say to me, how can you possibly lack faith, knowing how Megan got here?
And I would cry and say, I don't know. I don't know. I just have these questions and these doubts and I don't know how to make them go away.
I figured I took my doubts to the Lord and he didn't send me any kind of reassuring feeling, so it was on HIM.
55 comments:
Sometimes I wish I had waited to get my Patriarchal blessing... sometime when I wasn't so sure of myself (wow, that sounds weird, I got mine when I was 14... but I was happy and oblivious all at the same time...)
Maybe then it would have given me more answers. I really don't know.
Thanks for posting this second part. Corny as it sounds, I've been watching for it all morning :)- Anonymous12:20 PM
I love this. I had a very similar conversation with my Mom as a child, Christianity vs Judaism. "Like, Mom? how can they be wrong? It says it RIGHT THERE Mom; They're the CHOSEN PEOPLE. I know I know Jesus and sure but MOM. He said that later! They were chosen first. And he doesn't go back on his word so..."
Can't wait to read more. The things that you thought as a child are the EXACT same things that I thought? I wondered how was it possible that out of all the children born into the world, I was born into the "right church." I guess I never really got over that.
Thanks for this post. It's like my thoughts, only if I could say them cleverly. )For the first month or so of my mission I struggled with trying to know what faith was. I was trying so hard to really, really understand faith. I almost made myself crazy trying to "get" it when something clicked. I was making it out to be WAY more than it is. It's Faith! A belief in something without seeing it. You know how the Lord tells us to be like little children... faith/kids/santa claus... it is simple really.
K, I know I can say that but it doesn't mean it is. I ride the faith/testimony roller coaster too!It's so interesting to read this! I've always been one of those mormons that has never questioned--I've been given enough faith, and I'm sooo grateful for it. It's something I took for granted most of my life, but recently I have several friends going through a similar situation and all I can think is I'm so glad that I know what I know, without question.
And I have to say, God cares when I lose my watch. He always helps me find it. I'm serious. Maybe not so much a watch (but my wedding ring! and other things) because he does care about my life, even the mundane things. I don't pray about what shoes to wear with my outfit, but sometimes I do pray about the small things. I think he still cares about what I care about.Have you ever thought maybe you are more like Sam? We actually don't know that much about him. He was probably skeptical, too, but not in an I'm-so-sick-of-this faith-and-camping-thing-so-I-will-now-attempt-to-murder-my-father-and-siblings kind of way.
Maybe he was more like, "Alright, Dad, whatever. If you think this is a good idea. And besides, I like Nephi better. Laman and Lemuel are jerks; they never let me tag along with them to the camel races."
I mean really think about it. Sam probably felt at times like he didn't compare to Nephi AT ALL and probably sometimes wondered why he didn't have the same kinds of experiences that Nephi had.
"Oh, you had ANOTHER vision. That's nice. God talked to you AGAIN. You don't say..."
We hear about the extremes of the testimony spectrum and think we should fall into one or the other without even considering the vast range in between. It's kinda like the height and weight percentile scales our babies are measured by. We hear about the 90-100 percenters (those chunkers!) and the 0-15 percenters (oh, sweet fragile things). What about all the Sams and what's-their-bucket-younger-siblings-born-in-the-wilderness in the 16% through 89% range? They're real and their experiences are real.
Anyway- just a random thought.
Now, I need ice cream. I get hungry when I get long-typed.oh! and one other thing. i wanted to say about your RS lessons: just because you weren't feeling the spirit, or even teaching by the spirit, if you were saying truth, the women in the audience would absolutely feel it. I feel the spirit when I hear truth, whether it comes from the prophet or someone on the street, it doesn't matter.
(P.S. I know you're just telling us the story, and I PROMISE I'm not judging you, I'm just participating in the convo, that's all. I think you're awesome, and sharing this story takes guts. I like guts.)I love this for so many reasons. I love hearing/reading the comments, but mostly I love that you're being so open about this. I was born and raised and never really had any need to gain my own testimony because I grew up with enough LDS kids around I had them to pick up my slack. I went to Church, was active and didn't get into too much trouble. When I got married at 19 I knew that I had enough faith to do what I was required by going through the temple, but still, I never exercised my faith much more than was required. Then I was divorced at 21. Since then I've been on the fence. I beleive some things very firmly and others I question. I don't not believe but I struggle. I don't get answers like I feel I should. I know that there's a God because my daughter (a preemie born at 30 weeks) is very much a miracle that shows that He lives and loves and answers prayers. And yet, sometimes I feel forgotten and lost. So I get this. Very much. And I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI know that this is a story about your past and you're not in the situation now but - - -
Don't forget that even Nephi, the PROPHET, was racked with sorrow at his own sins and weaknesses. It only mentions it once (i think?) in the scriptures, but i'm sure that he felt discouraged on a more frequent basis. Nobody but Christ was perfect. Not the prophets. Not me. Not you. We all have our weak spots. God understands. The awesome thing is - He loves us despite all that.
I've been having a hard time putting my faith out there on my blog. I feel like it's such an enormous part of me that I can't exactly leave it out of my personal blog - - and if I KNOW it's true (which I do) then why not share it without fear of being ignored or rejected. I don't know. Just putting my thoughts out there.Sue, I am very much enjoying this outpouring. I am Mennonite, but as it turns out, I think I may regard the Bible pretty much like you---same questions, theories, etc. I don't think it bothers me like it does you (perhaps because I relate to lots of faithful people who have the same questions, including my mother), and in fact, being raised in a thinking family and being a member of a thinking church, I'm quite accepting, if not proud, of my questions.
Keep talking, dearie. I'm listening.Are we twins separated at birth or something?
I also hate and fear that whole YW - "lets'-confuse-everyone-about-the-difference-between-feeling-warm&fuzzy-sentimentality-and-actually-feeling-the-spirit" culture. Happily, my daughter is not fooled but I know that soooo many other YW are.
As far as your blessing story goes - there are so many kinds of miracles we infertile women receive. It is just a lot harder to see & appreciate some of them than others and very few of them come with their own DNA. :/You know, you mentioned in Part 1 that Courtney (THE lovely Courtney whom we all LOVE, of course) had more guts than you do to post topics about the Gospel on her blog and open them up to comments. But may I say with all due respect to the both of you, 'cause I love ya both, I think you are the braver for being willing to write about struggling with/losing your faith as a lifer Mormon. As you've experienced in the examples you've laid out, it's quite difficult to be truly honest about such a thing for many reasons, but certainly for fear of the reaction for sure.
Another thing is that I can't tell you how much I see myself if what you're saying. The only difference being that I was not born and bred Mormon, I was a convert a few years back and what a rough few years it's been, let me tell ya! I am at the point of having not attended for a year and a half and am shooing away the missionaries from my doorstep when the new arrivals come knocking. I am at a loss and it has given me such tribulation and heartache that I've just decided to stop. Stop attending, stop reading scripture, and I really am trying my best to stop thinking about it, but of course, I find myself reading LDS blogs daily and watching Gen. Con. regardless. It's so tough.
So, here's to us and to all who struggle with their faith, or lack thereof. Tis a mighty burden we grapple with, one I believe only we can really understand. I do hope you come to peace, whatever that looks like for you.
Love to you from a kindred spirit.Let's see if I can explain this right...
I heard a really interesting lesson in church a few weeks ago about spiritual gifts. They talked about how we're all given certain gifts--discernment, tongues, healing, a really strong testimony. That's a great one, and one that if you're not given at birth, you'll struggle with, like you are. I am grateful because I have that one. But then they talked about what if you have not been given a certain gift? Are you just out of luck? And there was a scripture (I think it was 1 Corinthians 12) that said that some gifts are given at birth but to all people those gifts are available through hard work. Verse 31 says "seek ernestly the best gifts." I think seek ernestly = hard work.
And I thought about how my mom has this great gift of the desire and abiility to really ponder the Gospel and seek to understand everything. I totally don't have that. I hear the endowment ceremony and I don't care to understand it. I read the scriptures and I have no desire to interpret them. I have no drive to delve into the mysteries of God. This doesn't affect my testimony or my desire to be righteous at all, so I figured it was no loss. And my mom said the same thing that scripture said, only she added that it is not just our right to gain those gifts, but also our obligation to try to gain all the gifts of God. Part of me doesn't even want to. I barely even want to know the questions, let alone want to work hard to get the answers. But it kind of changed my attitude to think that we're commanded to seek out the best gifts. Ernestly even! I guess I've been a slacker.
So I guess what I'm saying is, there is nothing wrong with you that you don't innately know everything, have tons of faith, have a super strong testimony in all things. That isn't your particular in-born gift. But that gift IS available to you with hard work. And, I'm sure, patience. As much as learning to play the violin, or to sing well, or to skateboard, or whatever requires those hard work and patience. We can be mad that we weren't born being super good at those things like some people were. Or we can accept that, for us, we will have to work hard to gain those talents. How many hours of playing the violin would it take me to get really good? One? Five? 20? Probably hundreds. So if I look at my spiritual gifts the same way, maybe I will have to spend hundreds of hours before I really get good at the gifts I lack.
Sorry that was so long. I hope I explained it okay.What lovely friends you have, to write these things to you. Some of these comments contain such tender and earnest insights. All are loving. You have earned this, writing the things you have.
I would like to disagree respectfully about a few points. I don't believe that L&L just didn't have enough faith. I believe it was because, rather than faith, their minds were full of themselves. They believed earnestly and passionately in what they wanted. They say, "We could have been at home, enjoying our possessions. We could have been HAPPY."
Their hearts were anchored firmly in having things, hanging with their peeps, enjoying social savvy. This is what defined them - the structure of the society they loved. Enough faith? Maybe not enough huevos to defy their father, the man who had always controlled the purse strings.
Nephi - his heart was grounded somewhere else. It was firmly connected to his family. Thus, his father was important to him. And if his father, who he respected - not for the money or the house or the social position he was worth - said he had talked to God, then Nephi had to defy all of his ideas about the limits of reality. Lehi was a solid man, respected by the best men in the community. You don't make the kind of brass he had by being a crazy person.
So Nephi went, wondering. And pretty much challenged the Lord - "If you said this to my father, then show me, too." Because he was ready to believe it if he saw it. Not as a sign. But because he needed to validate the words of his father, before he could throw his whole heart into cooperation and suspend that disbelief. And he was shown -But here is a thing: his faith was in his asking. Belief is in the head. Yeah - you are willing to accept something as true or probably true. Hope is sticking your toe in. Faith is actually defined in action. Not in really, really, really believing really, really hard.
Nephi asked God. That was his faith. And because it suited God that Nephi should see these things, he was shown. I don't think it was like the Brother of Jared, whose heart was so pure that seeing the finger of God was an utterly natural (if shocking) extension of his total acceptance of God's reality. I don't think Nephi was like that. But perhaps his respect for his father brought him close to that point. At any rate, obviously, Nephi was going to be a huge element in the success of this effort, this plan to provide a corroborating witness to a mass of people thousands of years later.
Your faith is not in some strong feeling. It's in what you do. Faith, as Joseph said, is a principle of action. It is the process between the belief in your head, and the desire in your heart - and the reaching out your hand to do something. Have you continued on your journey? However desperately? Every step of it has been a testimony of faith. Praying is an act of faith - talking to the sky, the empty air, as if you believe that someone is listening? Whether you do it because you believe you should, or because you have hope that someone will hear, or because you really believe somebody gives a dang - it is faith that puts you on your knees and opens your mouth to speak.
It is faith that has you going to take dinner to a sick woman's family. Yes, there is that element of doing it so people will see that you are good. But do you see that you know the taking is a GOOD thing, and that you desire to be associated with good? So taking a chance, and investing time and effort to do the good thing is still faith, no matter how alloyed it may be with self-consiousness.
I know that alloy. There is something inside me that settles down with satisfaction - after I have put my whole heart into leading a hymn in sac. meeting, or being the voice of the congregation in the opening prayer - and it says, "DANG, I'm good." And another part of me that rises in horror and slaps me in the face and says, "You just ruined it, you idiot." And then turns Godwards and says, "I am so sorry that I'm such a jerk."
But isn't that what life is all about? The fight between the natural man and the spirit? Between our weakness and our good intentions?There are so few of us, by the way, in the same way that there is just a tiny bit of yeast put into a huge amount of dough. God knew what he was doing - he chose a time just when the industrial revolution was in swing, when mass communication was actually becoming possible - at the beginning of the shrinking of the planet. He chose the people who belonged to a country that made public education mandatory, so that the children of it would grow into their intelligent power and be able to speak with voices that criss-cross the planet. A rich country that would allow the yeast to take hold, just as sugar does when you are making bread, so that what these people had learned, and practiced - as it cost them everything they had, their comfort, their homes, their very lives -would make a story that would slowly creep out and fill the whole world.
As it has done. As it is doing.
Here I will stop and tell you that my daughter dumped her fiance when he finally instructed her that there was no such thing as evolution and that it was an evil concept and she wasn't to believe in it. Pfff. Like there's a Mormon ANYWHERE who knows how the Lord created the earth - what tools and processes he used. Brigham Young said he had no idea how old the world was, surrounded as he was on one side by the religious folks who insisted it was only 6000 years old, and on the other by the scientists he respected deeply, insisting that the number of years was in the millions.
What's more, he said - HE DIDN'T CARE.
I think the unnamed boy maybe meant something like that. Or not. Maybe he was just avoiding the question. But certainly, we are instructed to seek out of the best books - and to question and to wonder. But only after we take soup to the sick gal.
I think we just don't understand the point. And I don't think we understand the love that God has for us. Those words come out so easily that we don't even think about what they mean. But the LOVE - (and what does that mean really??? - Affection? Concern? Does he treasure us, each of us? Really? Is it measured in the effort he invests in teaching each one of us carefully how to be happy - even while we're kicking and screaming and cramming our hands over our ears?) that the God of the universe really feels for us. For you. For me.- Anonymous9:53 AM
So I'll just share this wee little bit of wisdom that came from a child.(Of course. They are the only wise ones left.)
I am a convert who joined the church about 11 years ago. I too stuggle with my questions and would get frustrated when my husband would answer "Why do you ask those questions? You'll never have to worry about that..." or some other non-answer.
About a month ago My mother, (who is not LDS) my two boys and I went to Utah to visit a friend. While we were there we did the whole downtown church tours stuff.
While we were touring the conference center the guide was asking questions about the scriptures. My 7-year old (who is a little Horshack-ish {Remember 'Welcome Back Kotter'?}) would shout out the "RIGHT" answer every time. The little missionary would beam at him and praise him and he just glowed under all the praise. She'd try to engage my
9-year old in conversation but he just kind of shrugged and rolled his eyes and would mumble "I don't know."
Finally, the missionary patted the 7-year old on the head and said "Well I'm glad to see SOMEONE is paying attention in Primary."
My 9-year old turned around and looked at her and said, "I'd heard that Thomas S. Monson got kicked out of Primary as a young boy and now he's the prophet. Just because my testimony is quiet doesn't mean I'm bad or wrong. It just means I'm quiet."
I was very proud of him for realizing what we all (including that little old lady missionary) forget. We are all different, we ALL have questions and we all have struggles. Some people just pretend better than most. The rest of us live in reality. With the nephi/l+l story:
I used to read it and think, "wow they both had doubts, they both wondered if Dad was crazy, but nephi followed dad and they didn't. What's the difference between me and l+l?" A few verses later it had my answer, though. Nephi had doubts just like his brothers. But the difference is, he prayed and asked God if what his Dad said was true, and received an answer. The other two didn't bother.
So I am no scriptorian, but that's what I got out of it. And I think it's fine to question things. God made we humans curious beings. I think there are answers out there.It's not weird to question your belief or feel like you're flailing in uncertainty. This is when you have to search and ponder and pray HARD.
I've gone through a stage like this and it was very difficult.
Here are blog posts that I wrote on the topic of belief in an effort to preach to myself. Maybe they'll help.
http://scriptoriumblogorium.blogspot.com/search/label/beliefI'm scared to read the comments on these posts. I have a headache and I don't want to wince that much.
As always, I love the honesty and rawness of you. My personal belief is that true conversion passes through stages of doubt and questioning. That the ole refiner's fire isn't meant to be easy and painless and that some of those "strong" testimonies out there are just ones that haven't been tried yet. Also, that we are so dang individual and it really wearies me how so many expect everyone to perceive things in exactly the same way they do or else they label it WRONG. I've done that. I've been that person. But I love too many people who have no faith to see things that way anymore.
I have no advice. I've struggled too. Despite being raised in the church and having nearly always "acted the part", faith is something I've always had to fight for. I've seen how it seems to come easily to others and in a way I envy them that, but in another way I'm glad my path is as rocky as it is.
I think many people's are...but few have the courage to admit it. Thanks for these posts, Sue. I look forward to seeing where your journey is carrying you.I was going to wait until you had finished your story to comment - but you apparently have something else to do in you life other than blogging:)
I had to give the lesson this month for VT and was trying to prepare about personal revelation. All I could think of was your blog and how if perhaps you had finished your story - I would know better what to say to my visitees. I too struggle with this. I really struggle when I have to teach my children about it because I'm just not sure. And then I blame myself because my kids struggle - like maybe if I was stronger they could be too. Oh well - I guess that's what parenting is. Constantly questioning if your doing a good enough job.
Anyway - I love your blog and am anxiously awaiting a conclusion to your story.
And if my vote counts - please tell the story of the blessing.I enjoyed reading this because of its honesty and also because it causes me to think of interesting questions like:
How important is choice in faith or belief?
Are we blessed by what we choose or what we think? Which influences the other the most (or is most effective?)
How specific do we feel the Spirit?
Can we be lead by the Spirit without realizing it?
Why does this happen?
Why don't we always hear a voice or feel something profound?
Is this process part of working out our salvation?
Is the "working it out" considering all sides, even the possibilities we don't want to consider?
Has anyone (besides Christ) ever not had to lay one thing or another to the side to "resolve" later?
What is this process like for others? For me?
Thought-provoking post!I waited a loonnnggg time before coming back to read the next installment of this story AND I STILL am hanging on the edge of the cliff. No problem. Take your time.
I am so...filled (not sure of the word I need here) by your post and by the comments. Really stirs my heart. All of it. What a lovely community you have gathered here. I look forward to more of this association.It is comforting to know that others have similiar concerns. I struggle to know why my child has to suffer and struggle after being born healthy. After his stroke my faith was so strong and complete and it seems that each month that passes since his stroke I have struggled more and more. Thank you for sharing your story I can't wait to read the rest.
ReplyDeleteI think you are so stinking amazing- putting the rest of us and our mediocrity to shame, that this one thing is your hard thing. It wouldn't be fair if you had it all. Kind of like Job- God finally said 'ok ok you can test him- but he rocks so I'm not worried'- same thing for you I think.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading these two posts. Honestly, I wish more people doubted, or at least spoke them out loud. I just see it as a step along the way. If you never question, how can you ever have REAL faith? Oh, and I have a whole lot more to say about Laman and Lemuel. But it will have to wait because I should be planning a birthday party that is happening in like 30 hours or so (not good at math.) Nothing is ready and it might be rainy or snowy and my basement looks like a shed right now, and the twins invited 38 kids. So this is my escape from reality. I hopped over and read these posts a few weeks ago and couldn't even take time to respond, I was probably also avoiding something urgent like taking my kids to school and I thought, I will have to get back and respond someday. I keep missing the meetings! Maybe next time.


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And our next business story fits into the category of what were they thinking? Ford Motor Company is apologizing for ads sketched up by an agency in India - ads that have been decried as demeaning to women. They are cartoon drawings showing off how spacious a Ford trunk can be. One spoofs Italy's former prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi. He's at the wheel, and in the trunk, three women, tied up.
NPR's Sonari Glinton reports.
SONARI GLINTON, BYLINE: The ads were never used commercially. They were created by an ad agency hired in India by Ford, JWT India. The idea is that the trunk of Ford's Figo -a subcompact car - is so roomy, as the ads show, Paris Hilton could fit the Kardashian sisters bound and gagged in the trunk. Or a Formula-one driver, Michael Schumacher, could fit his male rivals - again, bound and gagged - in the trunk.
Ford spokesman Chris Preuss says the ads were part of a creative exercise that was never and would never have been approved by the company.
CHRIS PREUSS: It would impossible to speculate what would leave individuals with the idea that this would be seen as any kind of a creative exercise that would be considered noteworthy or remarkable other than for its indecency and being so contrary to the standards that we all hold to.
GLINTON: The ads have caused a stir, especially given India's recent turmoil over violence against woman. They also come at a particularly bad time for Ford, as the Indian car market becomes increasingly important and India grows its own car business.
Again, Ford's Chris Preuss.
PREUSS: It's brought a lot of embarrassment to the company and we'd just like to move on and make sure it never happens again.
GLINTON: In a statement the ad agency, JWT India, apologized as well, saying, quote, "Actions have been taken within the agency to deal with the situation."
Sonari Glinton, NPR News. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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What kind of guitarist should I hire?
Choosing a guitarist will depend on the context of your event - guitarists usually specialise in a specific style, such as jazz, classical, Spanish, or pop/rock. A jazz or classical guitarist might be perfect for wedding reception background music, or a corporate event, whereas you might want a pop/rock guitarist for a birthday party, or a karoake sing-along.


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When the current economic crisis hit Europe in 2008, small countries on the periphery were its first victims: Iceland, Ireland, and Latvia. Within a year it had spread to Greece and Portugal, though the GDP of both nations—respectively 11th and 12th in the European Union (EU)—are hardly central to the continent's economic engine.
But now the contagion threatens to strike at the center of Europe. Spain, the fifth largest economy in the EU and 13th largest in the world, is staggering under a combination of debt and growth-killing austerity, and the balance books in Italy, the Union's fourth largest economy, don't look much better. Indeed, Italy's national debt is higher than that of Greece, Ireland or Portugal, three countries that have been forced to apply for bailouts.
Spain is a victim of the same real estate bubble that tanked the Irish economy. In fact, house prices in both countries rose at almost exactly the same rate: 500 percent over the decade. A feeding frenzy of speculation, fueled by generous banks and accommodating governments, saw tens of thousands of housing units built that were never inhabited. There are currently 50,000 unsold units in Madrid alone and, according to the web site Pisosembargados, Spanish banks are on track to eventually repossess upwards of 300,000 units.
Bailing out Ireland, Portugal and Greece has strained the financial resources of the EU and the International Monetary Fund (IMF), but rescuing Spain would be considerably more expensive. If Italy goes—with an economy a third larger than Spain's and more than twice as big as that of the EU's three current basket cases—it is not clear the Union or its currency, the Euro, could survive.
Given the current tack being taken by EU and the IMF, that might not be the worst outcome for the distressed countries involved. The current formula for "saving" economies in Ireland and Greece consists of severely depressing economic activity that is likely to lock those countries into a downward spiral of poverty and unemployment that will last at least a decade.
First, it is important to understand that the so-called "bailouts" of Greece and Ireland, and the one proposed for Portugal, will not "save" those countries economies. As Simon Tilford, chief economist for Center for European Reform, points out, the money is being borrowed—at a high interest rate—to bail out speculators in Germany, France and Britain. It is German, French, British, and Dutch banks that will profit from these "packages," not the citizens of Ireland, Greece, or Portugal.
Indeed, Portugal was forced to ask for a bailout, not because its economy is in particularly bad shape, but because speculators in other EU countries drove up borrowing rates to a level that the government could no longer afford. Rather than intervening to nip off the speculators, the European Central Bank sat on its hands until the damage was done, the government fell, and Portugal was essentially forced to sue for peace. The price for that will be steep: severe austerity, brutal cutbacks, rising unemployment, and a stagnant economy.
Spain and Italy are vulnerable to the same forces that forced Portugal to its knees, only they are far bigger countries whose economic distress will have global effects.
The current blueprint for reducing debt is to cut spending and privatize. But in a recession, cutbacks increase unemployment, which reduces tax revenues. That requires governments to borrow money, which increases debt and leads to yet more cutbacks. Once an economy is caught in this "debt trap," it is very difficult to break out. And when economies do improve, cutbacks to education, health care, housing and transportation put those countries at a competitive disadvantage.
For instance, Spain has drastically cut its education budget, resulting in a wave of "early leaving" students—at a rate that is double that of the EU as a whole—and a drop in reading, math and science skills. Those figures hardly bode well for an economy in the information age.
The "cuts to solve debt" theory is being played out in real time these days.
When the Conservative-Liberal alliance took over in Britain, it cut spending $128 billion over five years, on the theory that attacking the deficit would secure the "trust" of the financial community, thus lowering interest rates to fuel economic growth. But retail sales fell 3.5 percent in March, household income is predicted to fall 2 percent, and projections for growth have been downgraded from 2.4 percent to 1.7 percent. In terms of British people's incomes, this is the worst performance since the Great Depression of the 1930s. "In my view, we are in serious danger of a double-dip recession," says London Business School economist Richard Portes.
As bad as things are in Britain, they are considerable worse in those countries that bought into the "bail out." Ireland's growth rate has been downgraded from an anemic 2.3 to a virtual flat line 1 percent, personal income has declined 20 percent, and unemployment is at 14 percent. Greece is, if anything, worse, with a 30 percent jobless rate among the young, an economy that is projected to fall 4 percent this year, and between 2 and 3 percent the next.
If Portugal—with an unemployment rate of 14 percent—takes the $116 billion bailout, it will torpedo what is left of that nation's economy.
Even the managing director of the IMF seems to be taking a second look at this approach. Dominique Strauss-Kahn recently quoted John Maynard Keyes about the need for full employment and a more equal distribution of wealth and income. He also warned that bailing out the financial sector and focusing just on debt at the expense of the economy is a dead end strategy: "…the lesson is clear: the biggest threat to fiscal sustainability is low growth."
Is this a serious change of heart by the organization, or does one needs to take the IMF director's recent comments with a grain of salt? He is rumored to be resigning this summer to run for president of France as a Socialist. Hard-nosed market fundamentalism is not exactly the path toward heading up that particular ticket. And while Strauss-Kahn says one thing, the IMF's board of directors—largely dominated by the U.S. Treasury Department—has yet to signal a change in course.
However, the director's comments may reflect a growing recognition that "bailouts" that protect banks and their investors, while locking countries into a decade of falling growth and rising poverty, are not only politically unsustainable, they makes little economic sense.
The next step is debt restructuring, which means investors will have to take some losses—a "haircut," interest rates will be lowered, and payments stretched out over a longer period of time. So far, Greece and Portugal are refusing to consider restructuring because it will affect their credit status, but in the end they may have no choice in the matter.
"The basic reality is that we cannot service our debt," Greek economist Theodore Pelagid told the New York Times, "We don't need another bailout, we need creditors to take a hit."
Of course, there is always the Argentine approach: default. Faced with an astronomical debt burden, a stalled economy, and growing poverty, Buenos Aires tossed in the towel and walked away from the debt in 2001. "The economy shrank for just one quarter," writes Mark Weisbrot of the Guardian (UK),"and then grew 63 percent over the next six years, recovering its pre-crisis level of GDP in just three years."
So far there is no talk of defaulting by the financially stressed European countries, but the subject is sure to come up, particularly given the growing anger of the populace at the current austerity programs. Hundreds of thousands of people have poured into the streets of Athens, Lisbon and London to challenge the austerity-debt mantra, demonstrations that are likely to grow in the coming months as the full impact of the cutbacks hit home.
Iceland recently voted to reject a 30-year plan to pay British and Dutch banks $5.8 billion to cover their depositors who speculated on Iceland's high interests rates. Britain and the Netherlands are threatening to block Iceland's EU membership bid if it doesn't pay up, but these days, threats like that might be treated more with relief than chagrin in Reykjavik.
The bailouts have had a devastating impact on European politics. Governments have fallen in Ireland and Portugal, and the Greek government is deeply unpopular. In essence, the demands of banks and bondholders are unbalancing democratic institutions across the continent.
Spain's unemployment rate is 20 percent, the highest in Europe. If the EU and the IMF sells it a "bailout" similar to the ones Ireland, Greece and Portugal accepted, Spain's "pain" will be long lasting and brutal.
And Italy—with its decade-long 1 percent growth rate—waits in the wings.
If Italy goes, the EU will be split between northern haves and southern have-nots. Can a house so divided long endure?
CONN HALLINAN can be reached at: email@example.com


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NATO and Afghan forces kill 25 insurgents
KABUL, Afghanistan: NATO and Afghan forces have killed at least 25 insurgents and three of their commanders in separate operations around the country, Afghan and coalition officials said Wednesday.
The size and scope of the latest operations were an indication that the Afghan war is far from over after 11 years of conflict, even as U.S. and foreign forces begin rapidly withdrawing and handing the lead role for security to the Afghans.
Fighting is also expected to intensify as the traditional spring fighting season gets under way after the heavy snows that blanket much of northern and eastern Afghanistan starts melting.
The U.S.-led International Assistance Force has about 100,000 troops in the country, including about 66,000 from the United States. America is expected to pull out 34,000 of its troops within a year and its allies are also expected to scale back considerably. Afghan forces are to take the lead for security starting in the spring — months ahead of schedule.
An Afghan security operation on Tuesday in Mehterlam, the capital city of eastern Laghman province, killed 15 insurgents, the Interior Ministry said Wednesday. The ministry said the insurgent's commander, identified as Qari Almas, was also killed in the raid.
Also Tuesday, joint operations by Afghan and coalition troops killed 10 insurgents in southern and eastern Afghanistan, NATO said.
The coalition said five insurgents were killed in the lawless Andar district of eastern Ghazni province, three died in an operation in eastern Logar province, and two were killed in southern Helmand province.
Both the Andar and Helmand killings were carried out by what NATO called "precision strikes," usually a reference to an airstrike.
An Afghan official said a NATO airstrike killed a senior Taliban commander in southern Helmand province on Tuesday. Ismail Khoutak, the director of the Joint Operations Center in the region, identified the insurgent as Khan Mohammed, also known as Shamssullah. He said Mohammed commanded insurgents in the Mus-a-Qala district.
NATO confirmed in an announcement that the Taliban commander had been killed in the operation.


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A federal appeals court has struck down a Michigan law that makes beverage companies put a special mark on returnable cans and bottles sold in the state.
The court said Thursday that Michigan is illegally affecting interstate commerce by dictating where cans and bottles can be distributed.
That's because the law says containers with a special Michigan mark can only be sold in Michigan and states that also require deposits. Failure to comply is a crime.
The law was approved in 2008 in an attempt to stop people from buying beverages in other states and then redeeming the containers in Michigan for the dime deposit. The appeals court in Cincinnati says there may be other ways to crack down on the problem, including a receipt to prove a Michigan purchase.


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Estimated read time: 3-4 minutes
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Associated Press
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. (AP) - The boardwalk where generations of families and teens got their first taste of the Jersey Shore and where the MTV reality show of the same name was filmed is about to be rebuilt following its destruction in Superstorm Sandy.
Seaside Heights on Wednesday night was awarded a $3.6 million contract to have the boardwalk rebuilt in time for Memorial Day weekend.
The walkway, one of the most popular and heavily used at the Jersey Shore, was destroyed in the late October storm, the state's worst natural disaster. Officials say it is the centerpiece of the borough's tourism industry, which funds 75 percent of its budget.
"A lot of people love Seaside and want to see what's happening this year," Mayor William Akers said. "If they don't come back, we don't eat."
Florence Birban, a 47-year resident, said the boardwalk means a lot to homeowners.
"We need a boardwalk here to bring in the revenue and keep our taxes from going up, hopefully," she said. "It just looks wrong without a boardwalk. I look up the street, and I don't see one, and it's not right."
The work should be done by May 10.
Seaside Heights was famous for generations as a summer destination for families, teens and young adults. It took on a new level of fame in recent years when MTV set its "Jersey Shore" reality show on the boardwalk, where a tipsy Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi tottered unsteadily and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino flexed his abs as cameras whirred.
The contract approved Wednesday just covers replacement of the boards and the substructure beneath it. Akers said a future contract will include ramps, railings and a protective sea wall.
Borough Administrator John Camera said the entire length of the mile-long boardwalk will be rebuilt.
That was good news for Sue Poane, another longtime resident concerned about the town's financial future and its quality of life.
"We need the people to spend their money here; we need the boardwalk back for the businesses," she said. "My husband and I walk the boardwalk every Sunday afternoon. We have our supper at our special place _ they have the best seafood in the world! _ and then we sit and people-watch."
Seaside Heights is the second major boardwalk to see rebuilding begin; Belmar started work on its walkway last week. Spring Lake also has started fixing its boardwalk, as has Point Pleasant Beach.
On Thursday in Seaside Heights, the private owners of the Jet Star roller coaster plan to solicit bids from companies interested in removing the remains from the Atlantic Ocean, Akers said. They have been there since the roller coaster plunged off a collapsing pier during the storm.
Town officials are anxious to have it removed. Last week, a man sailed a small boat to the coaster, climbed to the top of it and affixed a flag to it before being talked down and arrested by police. Officials and some residents are worried about liability for the coaster if someone is injured on or near it. The beachfront remains off-limits and is guarded by police and state troopers.
Wayne Parry can be reached at http://twitter.com/WayneParryAC
(Copyright 2013 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)


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