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Poor Elijah's Almanack: Elijah's education newsflashes
It doesn't take much to astound the education world. A few years ago the experts were rocked by news that "most juvenile crime happens after school." Yes, according to researchers, more kids commit crimes when they're not in school than when they are in school. Also the juvenile crime rate drops in the middle of the night. Of course, this might be because most juveniles are asleep in the middle of the night.
Equally astute researchers have concluded that "students who rank in the bottom fifth of basic skills have a very low probability of completing college," and that improving a child's reading proficiency "can dramatically increase the kid's chances of going to college." There also exists a stunning correlation between "success" in advanced ninth grade English courses and "reading lots of books" in eighth grade.
In another breakthrough, we now know that "overweight adolescents are more likely" to be "victims of bullying." We've also determined that a majority of adolescents report they're "bored" at school. Feeling "tired" placed second, with students who "consume alcohol" more bored and tired than students who don't consume alcohol.
As for instructional methods, The Washington Post recently headlined that students should read material ahead of time, discuss in class what they've read, and ask their teacher for help with anything that remains unclear. The Post included a "source" for this revolutionary approach, which means somebody actually claims to have invented it.
Heterogeneous grouping has long enjoyed prominence as a research-based instructional method. This is the practice of deliberately not grouping students according to their academic ability. If you're wondering why anyone would deliberately try to teach students with widely different academic aptitudes, needs, and interests simultaneously, you obviously haven't attended enough mind-numbing, education reform workshops.
Experts have insisted for decades that ability-based grouping is "discriminatory." Advocates contend that ethnic minorities and students from "poor families" often wind up in lower ability classes, and that less-competent teachers and students with behavior problems are often assigned to these classes.
Schools could have addressed those last two complaints, in schools where they were valid, without eliminating ability grouping, simply by reassigning teachers and removing disruptive students from classes at every ability level. Schools can do less, however, to remedy the disadvantages commonly conveyed by lower "socioeconomic class." Poverty is no bar to academic achievement, just as wealth is no guarantee of success, but students from homes with more books, better diets, and better-educated parents do enjoy advantages.
For decades the only acceptable response was to eliminate academic grouping. Anyone who disagreed was guilty of endorsing a "destructive," "racist" practice.
You don't have to be a bigot to suggest that it makes sense to teach students in groups according to what they know and what they can do. That's why beginning skiers don't start at the summit of the mountain and experts aren't subjected to the bunny slope. It also doesn't best serve either group to hold class for everybody halfway up the hill.
Nonetheless, by 1998 only twenty-eight percent of reading teachers were teaching classes grouped by ability.
Now "emerging research" suggests that ability grouping "can in fact benefit students." Not surprisingly, allowing teachers to work with a "more narrow range of students" is "beneficial for both high and low-scoring individuals," with both ends of the spectrum "perform[ing] better when grouped with peers" who share comparable abilities and achievement levels.
Naturally, devout reformers are appalled. They're also dismayed by Brookings Institution data which show that the number of reading teachers in classes grouped by ability has risen to seventy percent.
Another reform initiative is also facing mounting evidence that it's a bad idea. Between 2005 and 2011, at the urging of reformers, forty-five states increased the number of eighth grade students taking algebra. Unfortunately for reformers and math students, according to federal NAEP data, the "increased enrollment hasn't led to higher math performance," with data suggesting that higher eighth grade algebra enrollment actually had a negative impact on performance.
Numerous studies indicate that placing lower performing math students in higher level classes results in "watered down" math where algebra is replaced with "a significant amount of more basic material." As a result, higher performing students are missing out on the rigor and advanced math they could and should be learning, while lower performing students are being denied the skills they could and should master, especially if they ever hope to study real algebra.
You shouldn't need a crystal ball to predict that placing students who are unprepared for algebra in an algebra class, especially on an accelerated timetable, will result in either lots of students who fail or lots of adjustments in what you're calling algebra. After all, if these kids had been ready to take algebra, chances are they would have been placed in an algebra class on their own merit and not because we're making a rule that everyone has to take algebra.
It's hard to figure out why education reformers have such a hard time discerning between common sense and cutting-edge, bark-at-the-moon lunacy.
It's also more than a little scary. Because theirs are the minds that are shaping the schools that are shaping the minds that will soon inherit the Republic.
Peter Berger teaches English in Weathersfield, Vermont. Poor Elijah would be pleased to answer letters addressed to him in care of the editor.

subset: commoncrawl


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Grumpy, two AVSers from the LA Home Theater Group, and I ran a JBL Performance Series BassQ through its paces today, plus drank some beer, ate some Chicago dogs, and had lemon meringue pie.
At the end of the day, we pondered: To BassQ or not to BassQ?
That is definitely A question, though maybe not THE question.
Perhaps in a smaller version of "too many subs diminishes performance," possibly too many brains trying to set up and test BassQ diminishes the effectiveness of that enterprise, too.
Some things we learned:
1. A remote with only six buttons can still have a confusing user interface.
\1a. Pressing the button that you think you should press can result in having to start all over.
\1b. The more people who use the remote, the more times you have to start over.
2. Do not assume you're testing four subs until you verify that four subs are working.
3. On a Fosgate Audionics THX four channel amp in bridged mode, use the odd-numbered inputs. (see #2)
4. Dim indicator lights that look cool in a darkened room are invisible and worthless in the bright light of day.
5. It pays to run some sweeps and response curves after the BassQ is done, so you can see you obviously missed something and the "change" you heard the first time was mostly in your head. Now do it over, and do it right!
6. Harman is correct that 75% of the battle is the right number of subs (2 or 4) and the right placement (corners or midpoints); 25% is in correction (like BassQ). That might even be 80/20 or 90/10 in some rooms.


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Harlequin 9250ITE / 9250ITT Bunded Heating Oil Tank
Product Overview
Harlequin Bunded Oil Tanks have been engineered to exceed the most demanding technical, environmental and statutory requirements throughout the United Kingdom and across the European Union. Benefiting from inbuilt intelligence as standard, Harlequin IT Series Bunded Oil Tanks are supplied complete with lockable inspection and access points, failsafe overfill warning capability and the Apollo heating oil energy monitor.
Standard Equipment: All Models
Rotationally moulded Bunded Plastic Oil Tank supplied complete with:
Bunded Plastic Oil Tank suitable for the above ground storage of Heating Oil at single family dwellings, agricultural, commercial, industrial and institutional premises.
Every Harlequin Bunded Oil Tank is fully compliant is fully compliant with all applicable requirements contained within:
Unsuitable for the storage of fuel for supply to vehicles and / or plant equipment via gravity fed fuel delivery systems incorporating a flexible hose and trigger nozzle.
Important Information: Top Outlet Heating Oil Tanks only
Please note that Top Outlet Tanks are only suitable for use at selected installations incorporating a suitable pressure jet burner and in accordance with the requirements of OFTEC Technical Book 3. If in doubt, please contact your boiler, cooker or stove manufacturer to confirm compatibility. TankDepot.co.uk will not be responsible for incorrect product selection.
Installation Requirements
Please note that all oil tanks should only be installed by a suitably competent person in accordance with supplied instructions and prevailing statutory requirements.
Delivery and Payment
Price(s) stated are inclusive of delivery to any address in Great Britain or Northern Ireland, excluding offshore locations and subject to access for an articulated lorry. If access to your premises is restricted please advise at time of order placement.
Please note it is the customer's responsibility to arrange for the tank to be offloaded from the delivery vehicle to the customer's premises. Please allow up to 10 working days for delivery.
TankDepot.co.uk accepts Delta, Maestro / Switch, Mastercard and Visa. Your credit / debit card will be charged at time of order placement.
Important Information Please note that all images are supplied for reference purposes only. All dimensions and capacities stated are approximate. Maximum capacity stated is equivalent to the brimful capacity of the tank. Nominal capacities stated are equivalent to 95% of actual capacity. Consistent with TankDepot.co.uk's policy of continual improvement, the right is reserved to amend product specifications without notice.


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In this season of giving, why not give the ultimate gift in self-knowledge: A whole genome scan--without being a research subject.
Big-name geneticists Jim Watson, co-discoverer of DNA, and J. Craig Venter have been fully sequenced. Now you can, too.
Cambridge, Mass.-based Knome is offering a complete peek at the genes (www.knome.com/Recent%20News/tabid/58420/Default.aspx)
According to Knome, "Whole-genome sequencing decodes the 6 billion bits of information that make up an individual's genome. Unlike existing genome scanning or 'SNP chip' technologies that provide useful but limited information on approximately 20 conditions, whole-genome sequencing allows for the analysis of up to 2,000 common and rare conditions, and over 20,000 genes – numbers that are rapidly growing."
Jorge Conde, CEO of Knome, told EYE on DNA the advantage of Knome's approach over the competition: "We're focusing on whole-genome sequencing now because we believe that this is the approach that will drive personal genomics forward. An advantage for us to being first is that, from inception, we've built our platform and services specifically around whole-genome applications. And because we're initially focusing on a limited number of clients, we can provide first-in-class service – customized and personalized to each individual client."
We've been hearing a lot lately about the $1,000 genome, which would make scanning affordable for the mass audience.
Knome co-founder George Church, the Harvard and MIT geneticist, told Gen-erocity he is still moving ahead with the non-profit Personal Genome Project (PGP) (www.personalgenomes.org).
Church said "The PGP is alive. We are in the process of cautiously expanding to 100,000 volunteers." The two projects may dovetail.
Knome is starting off more modestly in size, but not in price.
Meanwhile, Knome is looking for 20 people to kick off this effort. This is definitely for people who have everything and want the ultimate in self-knowledge Watson- and Venter-style.
Church said: "The Knome price is $350K for >95% of the genome. The PGP is separate and has different goals -- a non-profit aiming at research correlating questionnaires on environment ad traits with sequence data on 1% of the genome. The hardware, software, wetware and human data develop in the PGP are intended to be "open access" for anyone (including companies) to see."
So don't be a holiday gnome. Knome knowledge is priceless.


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SCSO: Third suspect in Taco Bell shooting turns himself in
Deputies make 2 arrests; Looking for Robert Lee Moore
Three men have now been arrested in connection to a shooting in an Upstate Taco Bell parking lot.
Deputies found a wounded man in a car parked at the Taco Bell at the intersection of Franklin Avenue and Warren H. Abernathy Highway on Feb 25. According to an incident report, the victim was shot in the head. At last word, the man was in critical condition.
Tuesday deputies arrested 19-year-old Tevin Marquez Thomas in connection with the shooting. He is charged with attempted murder. Wednesday, deputies arrested 27-year-old Reginald Marcquette Sanders. He is charged with accessory after the fact to a felony.
Robert Lee Moore, 24, turned himself into authorities on March 8. He is charge with attempted murder. Moore is the brother of Spartanburg native and Chicago Bears player D.J. Moore.
Investigators said. Thomas, Sanders and Moore were identified as a suspects based on eyewitness interviews and evidence. At this time it appears that a dispute involving illegal narcotics may have been a motive for the shooting, according to the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office.
Anyone with information is asked to call CrimeStoppers at 1-888-CRIMESC.


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By adding flavours and formulating dairy products, producers around the world are reaching whole new consumer groups with tasty, healthy products. But product life-cycles can be very short, and there's great pressure to innovate and get to market without delay. That's why you need production facilities that allow you to innovate without complications.
Chocolate, strawberry and banana are favourite flavours, but there are endless others – and combinations – that can give your product range a boost. Formulations may involve extra vitamins, minerals, proteins, or other ingredients like Omega 3 or fibre, to make a healthy product even healthier. Other formulated products include lactic acid drink (LAD), tea whitener and formulated cream. And the door is wide open to your own new recipes.
Such products are a great way to add value, but there are special challenges involved, e.g. taste, stability and consistency – including such problems as dissolving every last speck of cocoa powder, or adding calcium or proteins to milk without separation, or preventing Omega 3 from making milk taste fishy. Tetra Pak has solved these challenges. Best of all, our solutions enable you to cut your total cost of ownership drastically. What's more, you can try out recipes and achieve the ideal process for your product at our Product Development Centres.
We believe that your optimal solution is one that matches your specific production needs today and for the future – to make you more innovative, more effective and more competitive. And we believe that this optimal solution is born in applying our vast knowledge and complete range of innovative technology for food production in a close partnership with you.
With OneStep technology, concentrate mixing and inline blending, there's no longer any need for intermediate storage tanks. As a result, the process is smooth and efficient. The footprint is smaller. There's less to clean and maintain. And best of all, a line with of OneStep technology can cut your total cost of ownership drastically.
Chocolate is far too valuable to waste, so your slurry must have the right raw materials, the right mixing and the right heat treatment. These factors all impact your product quality, product safety – and your profits. Tetra Pak's line can enable you to get all of them right, at the lowest total cost of ownership on the market, anywhere
Do you want more information about Flavoured and formulated milk? Please contact us.
About Tetra Pak
Together with our customers we make food safe and available, everywhere. Since the start in 1951 we have taken pride in providing the best possible processing and packaging solutions for food.
Tetra Pak is one of three companies in the Tetra Laval Group – a private group that started in Sweden. The other two companies are DeLaval and Sidel. Tetra Laval is headquartered in Switzerland.


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Browsing College of Medicine, Nursing and Health Sciences by Subject "Data analysis software"
Now showing items 1-1 of 1
The determinants of lifestyle counselling among practice nurses in Ireland. (Institute of Health Promotion and Education, 2008-08)Aim: To assess the practice of lifestyle counselling among practice nurses (PNs) by measuring the frequency, perceived effectiveness and barriers to lifestyle counselling. Methods: A survey questionnaire was sent to all ...


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About this artwork
Since the early 1960s, David Hockney has sought ways to meld his modern aesthetic style with highly personalized subject matter. He started by inserting fragments of poems into his paintings, as, for example, in We Two Boys Together Clinging (1961), which integrates two lines from a Walt Whitman poem of the same title. Fifteen years later, inspired by Wallace Stevens's "The Man with the Blue Guitar" (1937), with its themes of representation and imaginative transformation, Hockney made 10 drawings in colored inks and crayons. With the aid of master printer Aldo Crommelynck those drawings were converted into 20 mixed intaglio prints using a color-etching process initially developed for Pablo Picasso.
While not a literal illustration of Stevens's poem, the print series The Blue Guitar interprets its themes in visual terms, and most of the images show Hockney's love of Picasso. The print Old Guitarist juxtaposes the Art Institute's famous painting of 1903–04 (1926.253) with later Picasso iconography. Other sheets likewise contrast Picasso's different phases within the same image; throughout the series, Hockney distinguishes the disparate styles by using different colors.
It is perhaps Hockney's Blue Guitar that has perpetuated the idea that Wallace Stevens was similarly inspired by Picasso's Old Guitarist. Although Stevens was familiar with modern art and no doubt saw the painting when it was exhibited at the Wadsworth Atheneum in 1934, he insisted that no one picture inspired his famous poem.
Currently Off View
- Prints and Drawings
- David Hockney
- The Old Guitarist, from The Blue Guitar
- United States
- Made 1976–1977
- Color etching and aquatint from two copper plates on white wove paper
- 425 × 345 mm (plate); 525 × 460 mm (sheet)
Credit Line
- Mrs. Solomon B. Smith Memorial Fund
Reference Number
- 1978.23.2


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Morning koffie
To continue from yesterday's post... a balmy 20-degree day arrived in Amsterdam as advertised.
On an ideal spring day with a rare warm breeze, a bike ride down to the Klein Kalfje (Little Calf) restaurant right on the Amstel River was in order. There, an unhurried afternoon (along with the famously unhurried Dutch waiters) was spent as rowers stroked past on the water, a continuous stream of cyclists whizzed past along the pathway, and cappuccino - and later beer and chicken satay - materialized in front of me.
I wish words and photos could convey the feeling better - I just had one of the nicest afternoons I've ever had.
It's a continuously remarkable city, Amsterdam is, with all it has to offer. There are not many places where you can bike 15 minutes from a bustling city center to a pastoral setting, feeling like you're on vacation among the boats and windmills and, of course, the llamas.
Early sunseekers at Sarphati Park, in de Pijp. Three minute walk from the apartment. Later in the day, it was crammed with picnickers and barbeques.


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"If you are one of the hundred best players in the world, these hands will not puzzle you." So reads the instruction manual for AutoBridge, a mechanized version of the classic card game that let enthusiasts play alone.
Currently available on Etsy for $8, the seller says the game is from 1959, which makes me wonder: do people under the age of 50 play Bridge? I'm sure it was a great card game and all, but it's tough imagining it was so popular that someone devised away for someone to play alone. It's also tough imagining a world where you couldn't stare at a screen and face off against a CPU foe. [Etsy]


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Cyanic Sanguinity
Like an uprooted daisy, your heart feels detached and unsecured by the upheaval. Mind twisting in strange emotions bound by the gentle coldness of the serpents coil of air gusts. The noose-tied heart in your chest burns with an uneasy anxiety that makes your stomach feel simultaneously hot and cold. It feels like the winter herself is flowing through your veins and coursing you with a chilling burn like swallowing a methylated substance. But strangely as well, it's not like death by poison, but rebirth by fire as a burning sensation in your belly that is both hot and cold at the same time. It hurts and feels pleasurable, and confusing. As your heart tosses in the drifts of this strange new sensation, you stare off into the speckling cosmos of the fleeting dusk-light and gaze into eternity as a reborn being of unknown cause or effect. Deeply burning, you feel yourself being sucked in by the growing, sparkling abyss before you when suddenly a hand on your shoulder draws you back.
Aurelia's hand and arm across my chest are the only thing stopping me from walking out the back of the truck. Reeled back to my senses I stare at Aurelia in a daze. I feel aback by the strange sensations, and I'm having trouble controlling my own senses. Aurelia pushes me back to the bench, and then gets very wide eyed as the electric lamp shines in my eyes. "Papa… PAPA!… Anna is hypercyanic! How far from town are we?!", she shouts at the driver's seat. Fitz says back through the opening, "About a second thirds of a hammas, Aure-dear. What's going on." Aurelia gets really flustered and shouts back, "She's going hypercyanic, Daddy!" The vehicle veers a little then straightens as a the shock of her statements hits Mr. Prump. "Flattas!", Mr. Prump curses from the front seat, "Keep an eye on the load, Aurelia! I'm going to floor it!" I feel a sudden burst of acceleration from the truck but my equilibrium makes it feel really strange. I feel disorientated, almost severely medicated. My vision is blurry and I'm having trouble just understanding what is happening to me. That burning in my belly is spreading through my arms, and extremities. I look down at my fingernails and they've grown about a quarter of an inch since this morning, and they are cyan colored, and glowing slightly. I look and see my hair out of the corner of my eye and it is also turning blue, but not glowing as my fingernails are.
"Aure… lia… Wha… What's happen…ing… To me?", I ask her with difficulties and shuddering as if I was suffering from hypothermia or in shock. She pulls off her jacket and puts her jacket around me to keep me warm, while also laying me back on the bench. "Shhh, just lay down sweetheart… You'll be fine", she says to me but somehow I'm not at ease by it. The cold burning in my body and veins is now at an all time peak, and I 'eek' out a bit in pain. Moaning and squirming a bit, Aurelia pulls flat safety belts from behind the bench over me and fastens them around me as I lay there. Reaching under the bench (which does have minimal padding on it), she pulls out a pillow and a blanket. She stuffs the blanket around me and puts the pillow under my head.
Calmly and gently she lifts me up to tuck the blanket in. By this point I'm starting to feel warmer, but my equilibrium is completely fucked. I feel as if I'm inclined almost upside down, though all my senses tell me I'm laying flat in the bed. I look at my fingers again and my fingernails have grown by another 8th and inch. Aurelia shoves my arms back under the blanket while now crouched next to my bench. I turn to my side a bit, and curl up into a ball a bit.
"Wha…t's go…ing… on", I say to her.
"Just stay put. I don't understand why, but your undergoing hypercyanosis. It's caused when the spiritabon in your blood reaches levels that causes toxicity, and it acts like a poison. The thing is that you've consumed relatively little of it in the past day or so, and you used a great deal of power earlier, so I don't understand why you're bluing so badly. This makes no sense. Right now, you just need to stay like that and keep you warm till we can get you into a warm cyan bath. A bath made by pouring effervescent spiritabon salts into a hot bath. It returns circulation, vivabon absorption, and eases cyanic cooling. Which is why we need to get you to town as soon as possible. DADDY! How long?", she explains, shouting to her father at the end. I look up towards the cab and hear Fitz, "I can see the lights just over the hill, we're almost there." I feel lethargic and my perception of time is very skewed. Laying there, it feels as though my equilibrium just floats about. I can feel the perturbations of the road make my body weightless for moments at a time at the speed we are traveling. Eventually I can see powered street lamps streaking by, and I'm noticing some photo scotopia. The lights just seem too bright, and the passing lights streak my visual field with after-images.
I feel the vehicle slow, as it comes to a stop by some old Gothic brick building. I see Fitz face come around the side of the truck, "Get her unfastened. Quickly, quickly!", he commands. Aurelia quickly undoes the buckles and lifts me up handing my limp, cold, blanket-clad body to Fitz who cradles me in his arms and begins walking towards a doorway into the building. Aurelia proceeds ahead of Fitz into the building where she shouts, "W'ronné, we need a hot-blue, and quickly." My vision is even more blurry and I can barely hold up my head. The strangely feminine looking, bearded person at the bar hands Aurelia a flask with bluish salts in it as she walks by. W'ronne shouts at Aurelia, "You're going to owe me double this time. By the way, darlin' the pompa is already hot, all yas has ta do is pour it on. And them salts ain't cheap either!" W'ronne has an androgynous voice, and I can't tell if it's male or female in any sort of way. My vision jerks about as Fitz briskly carries me down the stairs into a stone brick walled basement bathhouse. Aurelia, who'd proceeded a head of us, is pouring the salts into the water which glows for a moment as they dilute into it. Aurelia hikes up her skirt and pulls ties from under to keep it around her waist a bit.
She walks down the steps into the bath which is mid-thigh deep and stirs the water causing phosphor like glowing where ever she waves her hand. "Hand her to me, Daddy!", she commands and Fitz who lowers me into her arms while pulling away the blanket. Still fully clad, she lowers me into the bath and immediately I feel pain like electricity shooting through my back into the water, and I can ear electrical discharges. I let out a distinct moan in pain, and Aurelia continues to lower me into the bath, and as the warmth hits me more and more, and permeates my clothes she relaxes her grip as the water begins to more support my weight. The burning in my chest begins you subside as my body absorbs the heat from the water, and the strange salts cause mild electrical shock.
Now floating in the bath, still in pain from the cold burn inside me, Aurelia is holding my head gently above the surface. The pain now subsiding, my body is overcome with extreme weakness. I'm at Aurelia's mercy now. My vision clears more and I am not completely relaxed, though barely able to move on my own power. Aurelia gives Fitz the 'it's time for you to leave' face, and he speaks, "Well, I'm going to secure our room and board for the night, Ladies. If you need anything, come and get W'ronne. I'll be in the bar." He wraps the blanket up with his arms, and walks up the stairs closing the door at the top behind him.
I glance back up at Aurelia who stares down at me and shakes her head, "Helpless as a little baby, you are." She smiles gently at me. She begins to disrobe me in the water, made slightly slippery by the salts. I begin to try to say 'wait', but trying to talk makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. She unbuttons, my top and pulls it away, then does the same with my bra causing my breasts to grow more firm from the fabric being tugged across them. I can't believe I'm so weak that I can barely speak, and too weak to cover my own body. "Wait", I irk out so softly that she just goes, "Hmm? Just relax, I need to get you out of these garments as soon as possible." She continues, and takes off my shoes and socks throwing them out of the water like she did with my top. I take a few deep breaths, and finally get out a noticeably audible stop as she slides her hand down under the waistline of my skirt to pull them off. But, alas, it's too late to stop her… She now knows what I was afraid to tell anyone. Her hand was now hovering over my genitals, and in sufficient contact that she may have stopped there completely without my command. She looks shocked, feeling my unfortunately phallic genitals, and I feel a sense of shock, anxiety, shame and fear overtake me. She looks back up at my face from her hand, and says "Oh." The most awkward way anyone could have found out about what I am you could imagine. I was paralyzed with fear and anxiety as she retracts her hand, and sets me onto a submerged bench in a sitting position. She grabs my skirt and gently pulls it down my legs and off my body and throws it over her shoulder. "Well… That was interesting", she says then walks up the steps and out of the bath.
"Will you be okay sitting there like that for a second?", she asks me. I just nod as anxious terror as stolen my speech. I look down at my crotch and cry a little, and entertain my fears as I wonder what the response will be to my phenotypically hermaphroditic body. I look female in every way, as far as the world I'm from is concerned, but I have male genitals. I know nothing about this world, and already my secret is known to someone through no intention of theirs to find out, or mine to explicitly state it. I fear of death, and panic races through my mind, as my pulse begins to race, and adrenaline revives my once weakened body ever so slightly.
She walks up the stairs, and closes the door. I wait there for what feels like eons, in terror that seemed to go on forever, though it may have only been 1 minute. I hear the door open again, and the sounds of a different set of footsteps comes down the. W'ronne is coming down the steps, and they say to me, "Well, sweetie, you don't need to worry about me. Aure, was just a little flustered, so she went up to her room. But in her stead she asked me to help you bathe and recover. By the way, my name is W'ronne. But most of my matrons call me Nene. You can do the same." They tie up their skirt and it's at this time that I can tell, aside from the beard, that this person is mostly female. She seems to be trying to comfort me, and seems to be talking now in a voice that is distinctly female. She begins to disrobe to get into the bath, but there seems to be a very purposeful nature to the gesture. She tosses down the overdress, and then pulls the straps of the under-dress off her shoulders revealing an elegant bodice beneath it. She reaches behind her and unlaces the bodice revealing her body is not unlike mine. I breathe out a little sign of relief.
"You look like you've seen a ghost, baby? Are you okay now? I don't know where you're from, but Aure saw the terror in your eyes when she found out. She didn't know what else to do, so she asked for my administration on this matter", Nene says to me. "I'm scared. I… Hadn't told her about me. That was the first time she found out", I say to Nene.
Nene walks into the bath and I'm now a bit uneasy. Her body is very attractive, belied by the garments she wore beforehand as the apparent owner of this establishment. On both cheeks of her face, there is two tiny blue tattoos, just under the outer corners or her eyes. The beard is jarring, but she has very delicate, but also androgynous features. She walks up to me with her long hair draped over her breasts as she looks at me how a mother might, "I don't know where you've been, but it's clear you were afraid for anyone to find out about you. I've heard of sects outside the Octolindt that shun all forms of sprightliness, and anyone who represents power in our system. I've even heard of them burning spirit users at the stake as witches. Frightful bunch, but they are a stunning minority in Varevia. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were from such a frightful place, but then we've just come to know each other." She lifts me up to make room for her to sit next to me. She may have the body of a woman, but she has a very strong physique not unlike Vic back in my world. "So, I'm afraid I'm a bit confused by what you're telling me", I say to her as she sits next to me.
"Well, it's simple, darlin', yas have nothin' to fear from me. Heck, I'm spritely amused that you'd come to my rundown little chunk of real estate. But, it would appear ya aren't registered, and you seem a 'ight bit bashful to go 'bout flashing your glory for all a world to see. Either way, I'm happy to have a sister stayin' in my abode tonight. I ain't like them up-class joints who has 'eir own houses to stay in. I live where's I work", she adds.
"Now I'm even more confused… Why would I go around flashing people to begin with?", I say to her clearly bemused.
She giggles at me heartily, "'Ere's no one 'round here like them bunch, so ya don't have to worry. Is all I'm sayin'."
"Thanks", I say to her meekly. As the adrenaline in my system slowly diminishes, I start to feel the fatigue of my condition again. Nene turns my back too her and from the central seating pillar in the bath she pulls down a bucket. She quickly douses the bucket into the water and dumps it onto my head making my vision blurry for a moment. Clearing the water from my eyes I notice that my fingernails are no longer glowing, nor is my hair a blue color. By this point my fingernails are nearly half an inch long. "So, what happened to me? I've never experienced anything like that", I inquire to Nene. "Well, we call it hypercyanosis, or cold bluing. It happens when your body is unable to cope with the amount of spiritabon in your system. Generally speakin', lass, it's quite uncommon in anyone who isn't a freja", she explains.
"People go from near absolu'e tolerance of the substance, t'none a' all. 'Cordin' to Fitzy, yas had your first taste a paruha an aftnight ago. Paruha can be rather toxic if you've ne'er have it before", she adds
"That stuff knocked me on my butt quite fast, I'd have to say. I've never had anything that had such an immediate impact on me. Hell, the whole world looked different", I respond crumpling my brow recollecting it. "Soun's like ya first time was a rather doozy. Well, if yas goin' to sit in 'ere then ya mights well bathe. Alas, I guess I'll have to helps yas. Just hold still, lass. Not like ya really has a choice", she says while grabbing something of the stone ledge next to me that looks like soap. Also grabbing a brush I can hear her lathering the brush. She takes the brush to my skin and it tingled strangely, but is fairly non-abrasive. "Where I'm from… Well… It's not like I know where here is, compared to where I'm from. But, this place is strange and new for me. I am at a loss as to how things work here. It sort of defies my conventions about everything I thought I knew. Like, people have blue blood… And I picked up a 7 foot long sword and swung it around like it was nearly weightless. And I get sick, and find myself in the state I am now. With a beautifully bearded lady scrubbing my back… It's a little too much", I say to her nervously, leaning against her grip in my weakness while she scrubs my back and then begins to lather her hands to wash my hair.
"Well, lass, I'll take 'at as a complement. Fact, I mays well give you duly special treatment", she says back to me. As she shampoos my hair I fall back against her a bit, to the point I can feel her fairly large breasts against my back. The sensation makes me a little nervous has her gentle soaped bosom is sort of slippery, but at the same time I find it sort of relaxing. "Close ya eyes, darlin', don' want yas gettin' soap in ya eyes", she says as I close my eyes and relax myself against her even more. I feel the fight in me to stay conscious draining fast, and as I pass out I can feel her completely wrap her arms around me to keep me from sinking into the tub.
I don't know how long I slept, but in my brain I could hear speaking that sounded like little more than murmuring. As I come to the murmuring taste the shape of an angry Aurelia arguing with Fitz, and it seems to be about me. The anxiety sets into my chest as soon as I hear their bickering, Aurelia shouting "Serpent's damnation, DADDY!", and I lift myself off the bed to take a look. I nervously creep towards the door, which flies open suddenly as I approach it because of a wet garment being thrown at it. Fitz has his hand on his forehead scratching trying to calm Aurelia. "Aure, sweetheart, 'is ain't a big deal. The poor girl just got here, tis not like she's had much time an' to be honest, she's had a roughen", Fitz pleads with Aurelia. She is comforted naught by his statements as is clear in her exasperated tone. "Daddy, we're sitting in W'ronne's Bar, just like always when we come to town, and while I don't spite Nene one bit, you know this part of town gives me frightful feelings. If she'd just told us she was… that she was that beforehand we'd would've been across town somewhere, likely sipping on Tolce instead of bottom shelf bartea that taste like it's grown from the sole of my shoe… And don't go defending her, I… uuhhh ha…..(She turns and sees me and stops immediately turning a notable shade of red)… Sorry, I… Uh… Didn't see you there. You should be really still be laying down", Aurelia finishes her rant, clearly embarrassed. Fitz shakes his head and then takes a seat in an armchair, "Sweetheart, I doubt she could sleep wit all the racket." Aurelia turns to me and bows, saying "I'm sorry. But, why didn't you tell us before hand?"
"How could I have? I mean… It's a tough thing to tell a person, you know?", I say to her to which she responds with confusion. "Why would you have difficulty sharing that? What's wrong with being a tradei?", she inquires as if I'm being unreasonable. "Uh… What?", I say to her utterly bewildered by her response. "Tradei… A person who is neither male nor female, who is either both, neither, or has gone from one to the other. What planet are you from, Anna?", she asks growing more and more annoyed with me it seems. I take a deep breath and begin again, "Where I'm from, what I am is not acceptable, and not endorsed. People like me are even killed for being what I am." Aurelia goes pale and then takes a seat on the arm of the chair that Fitz is sitting on. He pushes her off and she then sits on the sofa next to it in this strangely Victorian inn suite. "You're from Yiratus Island then, I presume", she begins to speak appearing much calmer now, "I've heard about such things happening there, and in fact, the antama, aranma and freja rule that place with a sprite fist. The antamic and aranmic peoples of those lands torment, imprison, and generally mistreat bintamic and ranmic people."
I stare on at Aurelia in confusion, "I don't know what you're talking about. I've never been to this island, and I have no frame of reference in your statements other than freja. What exactly are these groups of people?"
Aurelia stops and takes a breath placing her face in her hands for a moment then sitting back. She begins again, "I'm a binatamic aranmic woman. This means I'm attracted to women, men, tradei, fratrei, donei, and so forth. Antamic people are a very low social order minority of people who are only attracted to the opposite sexes, and only those who are aranmic as well. You are ranmic, and I am aranmic. I've been the same gender my whole life, and am content to remain that way. However, not everyone does. Most people are bintamic, and a sizable amount of people are somewhere between partially and fully ranmic. Also, there seems to be a link between a person's sprightliness and their degree of ranmic, bintamic tendency. Generally this is attributed to fluid thinking, or the ability to envision one's self as being more dynamic, and malleable. However, we know it's at least partially genetic and it afluences someone's 'tendencies'. That malleable thinking allows a person to put more and more of their will into spiritus, and thusly increases their ability to manipulate spiritabon. In our culture and everything, and I mean everything in the most fixed sense, depends on your ability to use Sipria, or any device made from and powered by spiritabon." Fitz sighs as if he is bored, "Always have ta explain everything as if ya were a Skeptologist. She can't be from so far away that she doesn't know some of this. Right?" He looks at me as if he is unsure about that last statement now. "I really don't know any of this. The world I'm from is nothing like this. Everything is totally new to me", I say staring directly at Dr. Prump. He looks a little either confused, annoyed, baffled, or a combination therein, "Ye must be from far away 'en."
Aurelia seems to be perplexed and intrigued by my support of her. "But, I don't understand what all this has to do with me", I say directly to Aurelia. "Well, Anna, it's quite simple really. Your ability to work, as well as your worth and capacity is derived strongly from the currency you hold in the form of your ability to use spiritabon, and the amount of work you can do with it. Our currency is made of spiritabon, and only certain types of users can produce currency from the raw substance that can be used or carried by the average member of society. And as you'd guessed, freja are unable to carry this currency, or only very small amounts of it. While currency making decreases it's weight and apparent density, it's still quite heavy to a person without the vitapermean that grants the trait. Tepto-2 is the vitapermean which we discovered that infers a protomobius that acts as a catalyst to allow you to use spiritabon using only physical energy and thought", Anna explains then grows annoyed at the end as me and Fitz stare at each other in utter confusion.
"Ight quite enjoy your dissertation, but we needs to get our tab settled before aftnight, an' we ain't had much sus'nance other than your basket all day. An' no 'fense against yer cookin', Aure-darlin', but day old bread an' soup ain't 'xactly satiatin'. Aurelia stands up and violently shin-kicks Fitz, hard enough that he pulls his leg and cups his aching shin with his hands. Arms crossed, she stands in front of, but facing away from Fitz with an angry grimace on her face. Her face transforms into a 'now that that's dealt with' face she turns to me, "Well, lest head down, settle our tab, and thank Nene for her kindness in the baths earlier. Shall we?"
"Oh but first, let's get you some dry, and appropriate garments", she says while tugging me back into the bedroom where I was laying previously. This is the first time I had time to notice I was wearing a bathrobe this whole time. She flicks an electrical arc at the metal plate by the door turning on the overhead light and fan, while also closing the door behind us. Already laid out on the beds where sets of evening/sleepwear. They look similar to the gowns I wore last night, except the underwear part is like a sleeveless, shaping unitard made of something that resembles cashmere. The gown and overgown are a lot more ruffly, formal and cutesy than the ones I wore at Aurelia's house. On the floor by the bed there is a pair of lace up shoe/sock hybrids that look to be high calf in length. They are like socks with laces and a bit of rubber affixed to the bottom. "Well, get dressed quickly, the food side of the bar will only be opened about another hamma or so. You're still a little unsteady, so I'll keep an eye on you. Go go", she gently commands. I just look at her, still strangely uneasy about getting dressed in front of her. "Fine, I'll look away", she says getting a little annoyed again. I take off the robe, and quickly get dressed. Though the outfit has some definitive elasticity in the cinched waistline, overall it's incredibly secure feeling, and even has built-in shaping girdle in it to keep 'certain other things' nicely in place. "I take it Nene picked this out for me?", I asked her.
"How'd you guess?", she asks in response to which I reply, "Just intuition, that's all."
"Hmmm. Interesting", she says.
"Anyhow, you done yet", she says as she turns around just as I'm pulling the overgown down and into place. The skirt on it is notably shorter than I'd like, but it's cute enough that it's a forgivable offense. But, I feel uneasy in really short skirts, dresses or gowns. I look at Aurelia and notice she is already dressed in a similar outfit, but in different colors and patterns. "Wait, isn't this sleepwear? We're going to wear this down to the bar?", I say to Aurelia with concern in my voice. "Yes, yes… It's not a strange thing, you'll get used to it. Can we go now?", she says to me with a firm and impatient air to it. "Yes", I say, and as I do she grabs me around the arm, locking arms with me we walk out of the bedroom. In the living room now, Fitz says to us, "Well, you ladies head on down, and I'll lock the suite behind me." We walk out the doorway, with Aurelia pulling me out by my hand before locking arms again. She leans into me a little, "He just doesn't want me to see him limping down the hall from that kick I gave him." She giggles quietly so only I can hear him. As we walk down the hallway, past several other suites, the light scent of paruha, other spirits, and vanilla flavored cigarillos bellows invisibly into our faces from down the stairs of the end of this short hall.
As we descend them we can see the lighting levels had changed from earlier, and it felt more like a bar/lounge than before. Aurelia lets go of my arm and moves around to the left side of me, as if to go to the truck/trailer. But that wasn't as much what caught my attention. Nene was standing there in an elegant dress, completely clean-shaven. Aurelia stops dead in her tracks upon seeing her and walks backwards towards me while saying, "What in serpent's…". There is ambient, multicolored light coming up from the floor behind the bar, and the lighting gives the feeling of a ball room melded with a modern lounge. From behind us, Fitz emerges placing one hand on each of our shoulders, "Com'on girls, seems she's celebratin' our return to Varevia. We should live it up, even if fer only one forenight." Fitz chuckles and walks us up to the bar. Aurelia seems resistant to the as seems to resist Fitz a bit.
"Fitzy, yas goin' to settle up ya tab now, eh?", the now quite stunning Nene says.
"Ight believe I might, lass", he chuckles. Nene reaches under the counter, and Fitz starts to panic and reach for the photo. Nene escapes his grasp and taunts him by saying, "Well, where's ever did yas get this photo… By serpent's belt, I wonder." She strokes her chin while grinning tauntingly at Fitz, who suddenly slumps over and takes a seat on a bar stool. "Fine, Nene. You win", he chagrins, "Give me a moment." He gets up and walks to the trailer out in front of the bar. Aurelia presses herself to the bar to get as close to Nene as possible, "So, Nene, what is that photo about anyways… You always get Daddy to settle his tab with it, so what gives… Woman to woman? Eh? So what says you?"
"As if I'd give up me leverage so easily, lass. You'll has to pay me dearly or pry it out me cold death fingers to get it, I'm sayin'", she says to Aurelia who plops down on to a bar stool with arms and legs folded, looking frustrated.
Nene smiles wildly and pulls out a tall glass container of a brown fluid, which is secured by a metal clasp and a wide lipped cork stopper. Aurelia immediately unfolds her legs, and relaxes her arms a little while still folding them, with a stunned and intrigued face on.
"Is that what I think it is, Nene?", she inquires to her.
"Wha'd yas think, lass. What kinda bumpkin barkeeper don' know her barteas. An' when weres the last time you saw a tea in one 'ese bot'les", Nene says with a smirk of confidence knowing she's won her over already. Aurelia unfolds her arms and scoots the bar stool up, and examines the bartea bottle closely. On the side the bottle has a gold embellished label that says what appears to be "Tolce" like a brand.
Leaning back, and sitting up very straight and proper she clears her throat into her balled fist, "I'll take one Tolce, please." She crosses her legs again, and places her hands on her lap with eyes closed waiting to be served this beverage. Nene lets out a light chuckle, and unfastens the metal clasp then the cork, and begins to pour. The substance turns a greenish brown after being poured over the ice-cube that Nene put in the glass. Nene glances over at me for a moment, then makes a warm but suggestive smile before putting a second glass down and doing the same. Aurelia opens one eye and presses her lips together peculiarly when seeing the second glass then closes them again. The bottom of the flask that Nene poured from has the little seedlings growing in it, but they look significantly more grown than the ones in regular bartea, and also pickled in the substance. I can only assume at this point that it's a fine, branded version of bartea. Nene motions me to approach the bar and have a seat, as she sets the glasses in front of the Aurelia and the bar stool to her immediate right. Aurelia opens her eyes and picks it up as Nene watches her with arms folded, and a still confident smirk. She takes first one sip, then two… She seems to be thinking about the taste, then suddenly she chugs the rest and slaps the glass back down on the bar. Nene laughs and pours her another, then refastens the cork and metal clasp to the bottle/jar.
She now turns her attention to me, and she walks directly across the bar from me. She scoots the glass closer to me, leans over the bar, and rests her face on her elbow and hand. "You goin' try it, baby?", she says to me. "Well, if it's good enough for her, then it's good enough for me", I say to Nene. I pick up the glass and notice that the liquid is brown again until my movement of the glass causes the single, large, irregularly round ice to list in the substance. As the cold water of the melting ice in it touches the substance it causes the brownish liquid to take on a greenish hue, before returning to brown.
I put my face up to the edge of the glass and it smells almost exactly like spearmint tea with a touch of alcohol to it. Taking a sip, it tastes almost exactly as I'd expect, accept it's missing the "metallic bite" that I remember from the paruha last night. Again, like most things in this world, it's only similar, but not identical to things I've tasted before. I begin to drink it, rather than sip it. Nene smiles and leans a little bit more forward, until I have a rather interesting view of her cleavage. I have begun to think she is doing this purposefully and that makes me nervous. I don't know her, and I have yet to, in any way, think of her as anything other than the owner of this establishment, and the woman who helped me in my time of need. Her behavior and body language appear to be suggesting interest, on some small level, in me. "Well, sweetie, I hope yas enjoy them there spirits I gave ya. Ain't got any spiritabon in 'em, ye trust thee there. 'Signed and created back last war fer the general populace. An' everyone, from the chap ina' corner to ya sitting 'ight if fronna me. Spiritabon is filtered out so any one can drink. Enjoy, lass, 'ats the finest we got", Nene says to me with a confident tone.
"But, if I'd bin knowin' both yas was comin', 'ighta bin stockt wit' more an' two bot'les", Nene continues while glancing over at Aurelia who is still sipping and enjoying her second glass.
"If yas didn't be knowin', all barteas have thinile. 'At makes Tolce different is 'at it's grown in sunlight fineries, 'ere they lets 'em bartle plants inside grow for a few evolutions. Aye, an' a best Tolce flowers 3 times 'fore it is stored and sold", Nene explains to me.
I look at the decanter of Tolce, and notice the process of which she referred. The plants inside look pickled, from not being in the sun, and growing anymore,and the petals of the flowers look like liquid saturated tea grounds at the bottom of it. Much like the earlier bartea I'd had, there is a spongy growing pad affixed to the bottom which the plants rooted to. I finish my glass, and already I've begun to notice the alcohol-like feeling the substance is imbued with. I take it "thinile" is likely ethanol. Fitz returns with one of the blades from the trailer, and holds it over the bar. "Aye, babe, you know I ain't be takin' raw blades of spiritabon in me fine establishment", Nene says to him while walking to wipe the bar under the blade Fitz is holding.
"Jest gimme an armas, Nene, stop bein' so impatient", Fitz says. He holds the sword with both hands how, and closes his eyes. He seems to be concentrating, but on what I don't know. Suddenly the surface of the metal starts to look like it's melting, and bubbling up a little bit. As the metal heats, it turns blue, instead of red. I blob of molten metal falls to the table and forms into a unminted coin. Suddenly the entire mass of the blade begins to turn to slag, and then to coin and fall to the bar into a pile of silvery blue coins, with nothing printed on them. Some of the slag just forms tiny, aluminum-foil-like shards, or almost glitter like, and all that's left is the handle and a small amount of metal attached to the handle. Fitz opens his eyes and looks a little disappointed. He now holding the handle with the little bit of metal blade left with both hands on the handle, he begins to concentrate again. Slowly the metal all melts and begins to form into some sort of dagger with a metal scabbard. He twists and turns his head, as blue energy and electrical arcs begin to etch elaborate designs into the hilt, scabbard and newly forming hand guard. Strange bluish to greenish gems begin to bubble up to its surface, encrusting the very beautiful engravings. Now shooting off sparks like a plasma global, he uses energy to remove the remaining slag, and jagged edges from the dagger.
"'Ight 'magine he's done. Beautiful piece, ain't he?", Fitz says proudly handing the dagger to Nene.
"I'll be the judge of that", Nene says in her blended country/Irish sounding accent.
She looks it over, as if inspecting it. She runs her finger across the surface, then rubs her two fingers together to see if there is any residue on them. From her cleavage, she pulls a part of square, silver framed spectacles and puts them on to give a closer look. From above the normal lenses, she flips down a tiny pair of magnifiers, like on a pair of jewelers glasses. She firmly grabs the hilt and scabbard to begin to pull them apart. She seems surprised when they slide apart with buttery smoothness. The blade is very elegant as well, with a very Arabic like design. It's incredibly shiny and smooth as well. Nene seems satisfied, and with a nod she sheathes it.
"Fine work, as always babe. An' I suppose ya want me to set'le yas tab from 'is an' a forenight or so ago?", Nene inquires to Fitz. "I recon' that'll be enough to satisfy ya, Nene. If I owes ya more an' 'at, 'en just lemme know. M'kay", Fits responds. "I believe it'll be enough. An' ya know I'm not a sort ta squabble about a pence'r two. Yas always were one a the finest spiritus crafters around 'ese zona. Why don't ya take a seat, Fitz. Bin a while since ya ran 'bout last, eh?", Nene says while turning back to the bar and grabbing some other sort of spirit that is sealed with a cork in a wooden, small, bottle-shaped barrel. Nene shoves a small blade into the cork and pops it out, then sets it in front of Fitz who takes a generous swig. "Aye, not 'ats the stuff. Not 'eir finest tepest, but always hits the spot. Gimme another, an' a glass to pour them", Fitz says joyously. Nene set down another bottle with a cork knife sticking out of it and a glass beer mug. He pours out the remaining contents of the first bottle, and the liquid looks like a purple beer. "Why don't ya ladies come o'er to a booth wit' me", Mr. Prump adds. I just shrug and look at Aurelia, who is having Nene pour her another Tolce before she goes to the booth herself. As I slide into the booth, I can feel the cold leather of the seats chilling my thighs, and I lose myself to thinking about familiarity, and strangeness, and trying to remember what my life was like before all of this…
To Be Continued…


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Videos | November 9, 2012
SAM Sniffs Mars' Atmosphere
The Curiosity rover's Sample Analysis at Mars (SAM) instruments make the most sensitive measurements ever to search for methane gas on the Red Planet.
Transcript:Hi, I'm Pan Conrad, deputy principal investigator of the SAM instrument suite on Mars Science Laboratory and this is your Curiosity rover update.
While our robotic explorer has been busy characterizing the surface of Mars, the SAM team has also been busy, but we've been looking at something invisible, the Martian atmosphere.
SAM, or Sample Analysis at Mars, is not one instrument, but three, all of which are designed to work together to chemically characterize Mars. SAM measures chemical elements and molecules, in a mass or size range between 2 and 535 mass units and we do this by looking at gases.
We can bake solid samples until they give up their volatile components or their gases or we can directly inhale the Martian atmosphere (deep breath) through our inlet ports.
With our QMS, SAM is able to detect the most dominant gas in the Martian atmosphere, carbon dioxide. We've not only measured its abundance and the ratio to other gases in the Martian atmosphere but we've also measured its isotopic character. The other instruments are a tunable laser spectrometer and a gas chromatograph, the latter, being used mostly to look for organic molecules in solids.
Now, the tunable laser spectrometer has a special role for SAM in that it can very sensitively detect the the organic molecule, methane, which has been observed from the Earth telescopically and also by the Mars Express orbiter at very, very low limits in the Martian atmosphere. We're trying to discover whether or not we can see this molecule from the Martian surface and if it has any variation from season to season. In the coming months, wherever Curiosity goes SAM will continue to sniff the Martian atmosphere periodically looking for changes on a seasonal or even diurnal basis and that will tell us something about the dynamics the exchange between the surface and the atmosphere.
This has been your Curiosity rover update. Check back for more.
NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory, California Institute of Technology


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Here are some ways you can help our support group, and/or raise money effortlessly for myeloma research:
> Help distribute support group flyers at your local clinic, library, senior center, etc. Contact us and we will send you flyers, email you an electronic version, or you can pick some up at a support group meeting.
> Bring refreshments to a meeting (cookies or other treats, beverages, paper supplies, etc.)
> Here are some ways to help raise research money for the IMF:
> Shop for the IMF: Yet another way to earn research money effortlessly is to go to the IMF's website, click on "Helping the IMF", then on "Shop for the IMF". The IMF earns a percentage of the amount spent for any purchases you make using the links for any of the online stores, which include: Amazon.com, Buy.com, Delta Airlines, Drugstore.com, Hotels.com, J&R Electronics, Lands End, Macy's, Orbitz, Travelocity, Walmart, and 1-800-Flowers.com.
> Donate: The International Myeloma Foundation is a registered 501(c)3 charity organization with a 4-star rating from Charity Navigator. Our mission is to improve the quality of life for myeloma patients while searching for prevention and a cure.


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Regatta Lounge Stool / 3.795 dkk
Designed by Hans Thyge & Co.
Put your feet up and lean back in style. Regatta stool is a perfect match with both the lounge chair and garden bench, adding an extra dimension of comfort to the whole series.
- Details
- Teak
WxDxH: 46x50,5x40 cm / Seat H: 41 cm
Item no. S1508700
- Packaging
- WxDxH: 48x56x44 cm
Weight: 5,4 kg
- Material and care
Proper usage and maintenance
Proper usage and maintenance is vital for getting the most out of the valuable resources we have. Our designs are made to last for generations, but just like everything else, they need a little care to get there.
Teak is commonly found in Southeast Asia, Central and South America. Our FSC-certified Teak comes from Central America, Brazil and Indonesia, while our non-certified Teak comes from plantations in Southeast Asia and Trinidad; managed to sustain a renewable and reliable supply of wood.
Teak is a heavy, hard and sturdy type of wood. The high content of natural oils makes it highly weather and rot resistant and is therefore a good choice for outdoor furniture.
Do a general cleaning when needed with a suitable wood cleaner and soft bristle brush. Rinse afterwards with clear water and let it dry. Note: Wipe off tables, benches and chairs after dinner and such with a dry cloth.
As the wood is untreated, the surface will patinate over time and eventually turn into a beautiful silvery grey colour. If you wish to preserve or intensify the original honey-golden colour, use a suitable furniture oil on a regular basis. No matter what you choose, the wood will be resistant to everyday wind and weather thanks to the high content of natural oils.
Winter storage
The product is usable in all types of wind and weather, all year round. However, during wintertime, it is advisable to store the furniture in an unheated room such as a garage or cellar.
Indoor use
The wood has been dried for outdoor use. Hence, if you wish to use the furniture indoors it may need to be re-tightened once in a while.
Complement this product with
From the same series
About the designer / Hans Thyge & Co.
Hans Thyge & Co is a design studio based in Denmark and China – established in 1990, The studio consists of passionate people with strong opinions and a love for great design. They believe in combining brain and heart – function and aesthetics, and that every design should tell a story: a product is so much more than the product itself – it is about creativity, vision, culture, company values, the past, the present and the future.


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We offer two degree options supported by the broad educational foundation employers want.
The Westminster Flight Operations program prepares you for a career as a professional pilot in the airline and corporate aviation industries. As with many professions, there are minimum qualifications that make you more attractive to potential employers. At Westminster, you will gain the flight skills, knowledge, and judgement that take you well beyond the minimum requirements set by the FAA. You are entering a field that is competitive. The minimum is not enough. Westminster will help you get the edge you need by providing you with opportunities to go above and beyond.
Aviation Flight Operations
The Aviation Management program at Westminster offers a balanced curriculum that combines a broad general education with a strong foundation of business and specialized courses and experiences in aviation management. The specialized aviation courses allow you to focus on your area of interest and the internship experience will allow you to get started on your desired career path. The Westminster Aviation Management program is designed to provide you flexibility in determining your specific career path, because there are so many opportunities in the aviation business field.
Aviation Management Program
The Westminster College Flight Operations Center
is located in the southeast corner of the Salt Lake City International
Airport, approximately 15-20 minutes from Westminster College's main
180 North 2400 WestSalt Lake City, Utah 84116
The Aviation Program earned the 2016 Department of Distinction award at the Westminster Annual Employee Appreciation Gala this past February.
Westminster is a 2016 Top Hawk airplane recipient! Only four schools in the nation have this honor. Read the press release to learn more.
The Aviation Program was also featured in a recent article in the Westminster Review.
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These are the choice weapons of the Demon Brothers. They are a pair of large, metal gauntlets — each brother wore one — which also housed a long, retractable shuriken chain running between the two, which is used to bind an enemy and then shred them to pieces. In the event that the shuriken chain is neutralised, the gauntlets also have a release mechanism to free the user for individual attacks with the sharp claws on the fingers, poisoned for further lethality.
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If your idea of camping is bug bites, sleeping bags and baked beans, think again.
How about roughing it in a three-bedroom "caravan" with a fully equipped kitchen, bathroom (with tub or power shower) and air conditioning throughout? It also has private garden area, barbecue and dining furniture on the deck…and a bakery just down a wooded path for fresh croissants in the morning.
Or perhaps you'd prefer a large furnished tent, yurt, tree house, wooden chalet or "camping pod"?
When planning a European vacation, many travelers believe that hotels and home rentals are their only lodging options. Camping and caravanning, however, can be a wonderful and often more-affordable way to travel in Europe. It's a trend that's on the upswing and I'm not surprised.
The terms "camping," "caravanning" and "self catering," I recently found out, refer to a wide range of venues called campsites, holiday parks, caravan parks, vacation villages, mobile home parks and more. Depending on the size of your group and your idea of fun, you can choose from rustic to five-star. Most facilities have, at the least, a pool or beach, laundry, a restaurant, a bar and some form of organized activities for kids. Other amenities might include horseback riding, rock-climbing, snorkeling and other water sports, full-on water parks, mini golf, football, tennis courts, kids clubs, day trips and evening entertainment.
But how to find the right place?
ISpyCamping.com is a price-comparison website featuring camping and caraving vacations in France, Spain, Italy, Portugal and Croatia. Whether you're an experienced camper or first-timer, it can be an extremely useful tool. It's also just fun to browse.
Not only does I Spy Camping help you choose the ideal vacation spot, it shows you which tour operator (Siblu, Eurocamp, Keycamp, etc.), offers it at the very-best price.
I Spy Camping was co-founded and is now run by Will Goodridge, a travel industry vet who has won numerous industry awards. The former Head of eCommerce for Siblu Holiday Villages, he left last year when he saw a niche and decided he could fill it. He partnered with the French-language site Toocamp.com and launched ISpyCamping.com in November 2010.
"Camping is becoming more and more popular," Will explains. "But families looking for camping holidays were visiting five or six websites to compare prices. In August, two weeks camping can cost more than £2,000. If we save you 10% or more by finding the cheapest price, that's substantial. Now you do all that research quickly on one convenient site."
Born in Valladolid, Spain (his mum is Spanish, his dad English), Will moved to England aged seven. His passion for camping blossomed early, when his family traveled back and forth by car between Spain and the U.K., sleeping at French campsites. Today Will is based in Northhamptonshire and he loves nothing more than camping with his own kids, Isabella and Thomas.(An avid outdoorsman and athlete, he also loves "challenges" such as triathlons, running, hiking and long-distance biking, often with the kids in tow.)
All the campsites Will promotes are privately run, mainly by a family business or by a company like Siblu or Europarcs. "There are a good number of municipal campsites in France," he says, "but these are generally regarded as stopovers rather than somewhere to actually have a holiday. You can't really compare them to a five-star campsite with indoor and outdoor pools, slides and spas, tennis courts, kids clubs and evening entertainment." Most facilities on his site have a three-night minimum, Will says, and the typical stay is 10 days.
"No matter what your dream destination is, we want to save you time and money," he adds. "From a family holiday in the South of France to an adventure around the Italian Lakes to a forest retreat in the Charente-Maritime for under £300…we provide the widest choice available. We help you narrow the selection and choose the holiday with the best facilities, location and accommodations for your needs."
Photos: Will and his kids, Isabella (7) and Thomas (4), atop Snowdon in Wales, the second highest mountain in the U.K. Plus, three examples of the hundreds of camping options on ISpyCamping.com.


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Dr. Peter Jones shares his "Top 5 Web Myths" and they are wonderful and worth a read.
Top 5 Web Myths Myth #1: You start with a design and layout, then start filling it with content.
In fact, the main and primary task of building a website is creating good content and keeping it up to date, which has little or nothing to do with design and layout. The main job of graphic design is to enhance and not hinder usability of said content. Only then is the designer free to find ways to add a professional appearance to the website.
It's like making furniture. You wouldn't make a varnish shell and then add wood, but that's what most people try to do with websites. You'd cut and assemble the wood (create content), round the sharp corners and sand it smooth (design for usability), and finally add a glossy finish to it (design for a professional look).


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6.0702 Admission within polling place.
No person, other than the district officials, the candidates or 1 representative appointed in writing by each candidate, and such qualified electors as are for the time being actually engaged in voting or going to and returning therefrom, may be permitted within the poll-ing place and that area surrounding the polling place reasonably calculated to preserve a peaceful and quiet atmosphere for the balloting process. Any other person who remains or loiters within the area immediately surrounding a polling place during the time appointed for voting, or who fails to vacate the polling place and area immediately surrounding it in response to the lawful order of an election official, is guilty of a class B misdemeanor. If a qualified elector is manifestly physically disabled, the qualified elector may be assisted by anyone through the area specified.
(b) The Chief Election Officer may allow nonvoter groups to observe the election for educational purposes. The Chief Election Officer shall use his discretion in granting permission and ensure that persons whose applications are granted may observe the election at designated precincts in a manner that they will not interfere with the election process.History: 1977, PL 15-42 § 1; amd 1980, PL 16-72 § 3.
Amendments: 1980 Subsection (a): amended generally.


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I LOVE this recipe. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Layers of rich chocolate ganache and tart cranberry curd, topped with fluffy whipped cream; all a-top a light and flakey pastry.
Mother of pearl!
One bite will make you *oh so* happy. The kind of happy that only chocolate, cranberries and whipped cream can make you.
It's the kind of tart that not only tastes perfectly delicious; it looks gorgeous as well. This should be on your holiday baking list.
It's not even an overly complicated recipe.
Pastry dough. Easy.
Chocolate ganache. Easy.
Cranberry curd. Easy.
Whipped cream. Ridiculously easy.
All you need is a little time. Time to blind bake your pastry dough. Time to allow your ganache to set. Time to top the ganache with the curd and allow that to set. Once all those things are done … whip the heavy cream and top the tart.
Seriously … with the curd and pastry dough made in advance, this tart took me only 2 hours to complete from start to finish (and the prep work of curd and dough the night before was a total of 30 minutes).
You see?! So little effort for such a spectacularly beautiful tart!
Imagine … presenting this to your friends and family. The oohs and aahs …. and that's before you give them a slice.
That's when the real praise will begin.
I started by making the cranberry curd (thank you Kitchen Confidante for the original recipe)… that way it cooled in the fridge overnight and was ready for use when I was baking and assembling the tart.
chocolate – cranberry tart
cranberry curd
Combine the cranberries and water in a small saucepan, and cook, covered over medium heat ( juice and zest of an orange added to this step would be brilliant). The cranberries will start to pop as they cook. That's when you know it's ready to be taken off the heat.
Pass the cranberries through a strainer – you want to keep the liquid. Use a spoon to push the cranberries through, remembering to scrape the underside of the strainer and keeping all those little bits for the curd. Allow to cool slightly.
bakers note: toss out the cranberry skin that stayed in the top of your strainer.
In a medium saucepan, whisk together the yolks and egg until combined. Add the sugar, and continue to whisk. Add the cranberry purée to the saucepan and place over medium heat, stirring constantly. The mixture will start to thicken, you don't want it to start to boil, but you do want the curd to coat the back of a wooden spoon.
Remove from heat.
Whisk in the cubes of butter, ensuring that everything is well incorporated.
Pass the curd through a strainer, cover with plastic wrap and allow to cool in the fridge.
While it cools you can make your pastry dough, allowing it to rest for at least one hour before rolling it out.
Once that's all done … the really fun part begins.
Heat your oven to 350 F.
On a lightly floured surface, roll out your pastry dough. Line your tart pan (you'll notice that I rolled the dough out larger than the circumference of my tart pan); line it with parchment paper, and fill with dried beans.
Blind back on the lower rack of your oven for 20 minutes. Remove the parchment paper and dried beans from the tart pan, return to the oven for a further 10 minutes of baking on the middle rack.
Once done. Remove from the oven and allow to cool.
bakers note: I used the entire batch of chocolate ganache … to have a bit more of a balanced tart (aka to taste the cranberry curd more) use less.
chocolate ganache
1 c. heavy cream
splash of vegetable oil
8 ounces dark chocolate, chopped
In a small saucepan, gently heat the cream and splash of oil. You don't want it to boil … just simmer. Pour the heavy cream over the dark chocolate, using a spatula to stir the chocolate and cream together. The ganache will thicken and smooth as you stir.
Pour it directly into the pre-baked tart shell. Allow to cool and set (I usually put it in the fridge for this stage).
Once the chocolate ganache has set … top it with the cranberry curd.
I ended up returning the tart to the oven and baked it for a further 10 minutes at this stage. Middle rack at 350 F. Once that was done, I cooled the tart on a wire rack.
whipped cream
3/4 c. heavy cream
1/4 c. powdered sugar
In the bowl of the stand-mixer, using your whisk attachment, whip the heavy cream at a fast speed, adding the powdered sugar. You want the whipped cream to be stir enough that it holds its shape when piped on top of the tart … but you don't want to over-whip it.
Once you get to that stage, fill a piping bag with a large star tip, and pipe the entire tart. Working from the outside in … until the entire chocolate – cranberry tart is covered.
A thing of beauty to look at … and to eat. The *perfect* kind of dessert.
Store this tart in the fridge. Most of it disappeared within a few hours of slicing into it … but I did manage to keep a couple of slices for a few days. It tasted just as good as the day I made it.


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Telecommunications and networking Ph.D. programs are usually heavily focused on helping students explore their research interests so they can work towards advancing society's understanding of telecommunications science. Telecom and networking Ph.D. students will usually undertake a course of study that combines classroom discussion with independent and group research projects.
Find a Ph.D. program in telecommunications and networking.
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Applications now being accepted for COYA 2012!
Applications are now being accepted for the 2012 Conference of Young Alaskans. Download the invitation and application below. Contact email@example.com with any questions or for more information.
Conference of Young Alaskans 2012 Application
We look forward to your applications! Remember, past Conferences have been very competitive (300 applicants for 55 delegate opportunities). Your best effort is needed.


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Standard polycarbonate transparent inspection window unaffected by high or low temperatures.
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By Greg Dean
In this article, "An Assessment of Stand Up Comedy Teachers," I'll explore the differences in the approaches of stand up comedy teachers. One of the misconceptions about stand up comedy teachers is that their approaches are all the same. Nothing could be further from the truth. Stand up comedy teachers have a variety of backgrounds, which has a profound influence on their approach and effectiveness as stand up comedy teachers. I will explore what I think are the strengths and weaknesses of several "types" of stand up comedy teachers and their approaches, and then offer what I believe to be the most effective approach for stand up comedy teachers to teach comedy.
A Brief History of Stand Up Comedy Teachers
First let me share some of my knowledge about stand up comedy teachers to set the field into a historical context. The first classes I learned about were in San Francisco in 1977. One was a joke writing class taught by John Cantu and the other was a workshop for comics by Frank Kidder. I took Cantu's class and learned the very helpful two-list system of writing jokes. Due to mixed reviews by the local comics, I never attended Kidder's workshop. After I moved to Los Angeles, in 1978, I took another two-list joke writing system class with Ron Carver at UCLA Extension. He also taught a well-regarded joke writing class – though I didn't attend this one either as I was too busy performing. During that same period, Stanley Myron Handleman had developed a strong following with a stand-up comedy class. By 1982, I began a stand up comedy teacher as a means of staying off the road and still make a living while working on my acting career.
By the mid 1980s and continuing through the mid 90s – the stand-up comedy boom erupted – and the comedy industry grew like Viagra sales. Comedy clubs opened all around the country and the demand for comics grew to an all time high. At its peak, interest in performing stand-up was so high and work was so easy to come by that several comedy workshops opened to train new comics. Soon the ranks of comics grew at an unprecedented rate. As comedy became ever more popular, always budget-minded Television producers discovered that they could produce a stand-up comedy show for very little money because comics worked alone and would be supplying their own material. All TV producers needed to do was hire a couple of writers, an Emcee with a recognizable name and voila they had an hour of comedy programming.
In no time, legions of these shows flooded every channel, at every hour of the day and night. This caused stand-up comedy to become as overexposed as Uma Thurman's breasts (the former, a dire problem, the latter, clearly a godsend). The overwhelming assault of these "formula" shows on the public created a comedy-programming backlash and the popularity of stand-up plummeted by the mid 90s. In the wake of this fall, comedy clubs began closing and club owners/bookers and comics were out of work by the hundreds. Some continued to struggle to eke out a living, a few landed a starring role on a situation comedy, some quit the biz altogether, while others became stand up comedy teachers.
The Difference Between Knowing How and Teaching
Many of these comics and club owner/bookers became the pool from which the stand up comedy teachers industry was spawned. As we shall see in the next paragraphs, simply being a comedian or club owner/booker is not sufficient experience to be stand up comedy teachers. Teaching requires two things: one, the knowledge of the subject; two, the knowledge of how to teach. Just because someone has been a working comic or club owner/booker doesn't automatically make him or her qualified to be stand up comedy teachers, any more than a great baseball player automatically knows how to teach someone else how to play baseball. Knowing how to do something is not the same thing as being able to teach it to someone else. Often the best players in a particular field are too critical and impatient to take the time to instill the fundamental techniques in a young student. Instead, they usually demand immediate results. Conversely, many great teachers weren't the best in their field. Tommy LaSorta was only an average pitcher and professional baseball player, and yet he was a great coach. He was better at communicating the skills of professional baseball to his players. He was an excellent teacher, and his knowledge was well matched to his students.
In the category of "experts" who have become stand up comedy teachers, I've listed the two the most common types with their pros and cons – comics-turned-stand up comedy teachers and club owners/bookers-turned-stand up comedy teachers.
Comics – Turned Stand Up Comedy Teachers
The largest group to become instructors are themselves comics. But being a comic and being a teacher are two very different sets of skills. It is true, though, as with any subject, that if you have experience in a particular field, you will make a better instructor in that field. Comics as comedy instructors are a mixed bag, however, so here is the "good news and bad news" of my assessment:
The Good News about Stand Up Comedy Teachers
You will get a chance to perform on a weekly basis in front of a seasoned professional. He understands that you need to perform as much as possible. A comic who has paid his dues working in the business for a number of years will have a wealth of valuable information and can give you some advise based on that experience. He knows how to write jokes, assemble a routine, handle hecklers, pace a show, adjust the show for each audience, develop a distinct comedic voice and personality, and so on. He also knows how to get gigs, how much money to ask for, and has many club contacts. This knowledge from years of experience is invaluable – if the stand up comedy teacher knows how to impart this information to the students.
If you do find stand up comedy tachers who used to be comics and they can articulate what he knows into usable information , then by all means stick with those stand up comedy teachers: you've found a gold mine of comedy knowledge.
The Bad News about Stand Up Comedy Teachers
Just because a comic knows how to do all these things doesn't mean he can communicate them to others in a comprehensive manner. Spending years learning to do something isn't the same as spending years learning how to teach that same thing. Many comics know how to write a joke, but that doesn't mean they can teach you how to write a joke. They may know how to assemble their routine, but that doesn't mean they can teach you how to assemble your routine. The same is true for handling a heckler, pacing a show, adjusting to audiences or helping you to develop your own comedic voice and personality, and so on.
Comics use a multitude of techniques they've learned from years of performing, but since many of these skills were learned through trial-and-error, much of this knowledge exists at an unconscious level. More often than not, it is difficult, if not impossible, for comics to articulate what they know how to do into a form that a student can apply to their own experiences. Often, in the place of an actual technique, comics will either write the jokes and assemble the routine for the student or tell stories about jokes they wrote and assembled into a routines, etc.. Doing it for the student is not teaching. Telling person stories as an example is not teaching.
Another problem with comics – turned-stand up comedy teachers is a tendency to inadvertently clone themselves. They have spent so many years learning what makes them funny that they often mistakenly believe that instructing students to do what they did is teaching. It's not. Students must be taught in a way that allows them to experiment and discover their own unique comic voice. Comics should each be different – simply because they are different people. This is one of the major reasons for the teaching a comedy technique, rather than a comedy opinion.
If you aren't ready to be a working comic, i.e. if you don't already have a strong thirty minutes of clean "A" material, then it doesn't matter if the your stand up comedy teachers know a great deal about "the business." He's not going to offer his contacts to you until you are good enough to represent his professional reputation – which is to say, you must already be working at the level of a professional. If you are at that level, though, what are you doing in a stand-up comedy workshop? A better choice in your case would be to take a seminar about getting work in a comedy club.
If you find yourself in a workshop with comics – turned stand up comedy teachers, and they mostly tell road stories, drop names, or write your material for you, you should consider looking for other stand up comedy teachers. What you need is to be taught comedy techniques that you can apply throughout your entire comedy career.
Club Owners/Bookers – TurnedStand Up Comedy Teachers
The second most common group to become teachers are club owner/bookers. This section refers to club owner/bookers who have not been comics. Most club owners/bookers became stand up comedy teachers as a means of bringing in extra money. Here is my assessment, again in the form of "good news and bad news":
The Good News about Stand Up Comedy Teachers
The biggest plus here is that you are going to get is an opportunity to get on stage in front of a club owner/booker. They know a great deal about how a comedy clubs works and what kind of material they want to see in their club. They watch more comedy than any other group in the stand-up comedy business. When you attend a club owner/booker's workshop there is the implied expectation of getting stage time in their club, or possibly even a paid gig. If the club owner/booker likes you and your show enough, he or she may even offer a recommendation to aid you in getting work in other clubs. If this works out for you, though, this can be more than worth the cost of several comedy classes.
The Bad News about Stand Up Comedy Teachers
Don't expect much real stand-up comedy instruction. Sure, you will perform for a club owner/booker, but then, you'll only receive criticism based on what he does or does not like about your show. They generally don't know anything about how to teach joke writing, assembling a routine, handling hecklers, pacing or adjusting the show, or many other comedy techniques. Club owner/bookers "teach" based on their opinion of what they like or don't like in their clubs. Most often, they want to see all of the elements of a professional show without giving anything more than a few pointers on how to get there.
Club owner/bookers often impose their own opinion onto their students as if that opinion were a fact. It is not fact, and should not be presented as such. This can be very confusing for students because every club owner/booker will often have radically different, if not outright conflicting, opinions about everything from comedic perspective to acceptable material. Understand that there are a plethora of comics working with material some club owner/booker does like and has a very success comedy career. Just because the club owners/bookers have watched a great deal of comedy doesn't mean they understand the journey of becoming a stand-up comic. They don't. They know what result they want to see on stage – but that doesn't mean they have the teaching tools to be stand up comedy teachers.
The best reason to take a workshop with a club owner/booker is to get on the inside and develop a relationship so you can get stage time, work, and eventually a recommendation. If you are ready to work – and that is your goal – then you are doing the right thing.
Both comics-turned-stand up comedy teachers and club owner/booker-turned-stand up comedy teachers do indeed have some positives – however, most of their expertise is not applicable to those students who need to learn the craft of stand-up comedy. Nolan Ryan wouldn't try to teach a little-league pitcher to throw a 100mph fastball because the little-leaguer isn't ready for that level. The same is true for stand-up comedy teachers. Their pool of knowledge needs to be well suited to those who want to learn how to write and perform stand-up comedy.
Stand Up Comedy Teachers Need to Be Taught How to Teach
When done correctly, teaching is a very complex endeavor. At a minimum, it entails knowing the subject, developing a curriculum and spending time teaching that curriculum to make it easy to understand and apply. Teaching is as much a learning experience for the stand up comedy teacher as it is for the student (again, when done correctly). Think back and count the number of bad teachers you had in school, and realize that they were still considered "trained professionals" who were taught to teach – and they still ended up being glorified babysitters. Teaching is not an easy thing to do well. It takes years of learning and proper training to become a good stand up comedy teacher.
As an example, I've been teaching various types of comedy for more than twenty-five years. Before stand-up, I taught clowning, street performing, and improvisation. Looking back on my first ten (or so) years, I truly do not believe I was a very effective stand up comedy teacher. It wasn't until 1984 that I was fortunate to find a mentor of my own – John Grinder, a professor at UC Santa Cruz, who trained teachers. I became his student for two and a half years so he could teach me how to teach others. As I developed my curriculum for stand-up comedy, Grinder tutored me – insisting that I teach and adjust every lesson over and over again. He taught me to identify the skills and principles in the craft of stand-up comedy so that what I was teaching wasn't just my opinion about what was funny. With his guidance, I'd learned how to evaluate and teach students as individuals, identify the barriers to learning, adapt the curriculum to a particular student's needs and to keep on learning from every lesson taught. This curriculum is now published in Books Step By Step to Stand-Up Comedy.
With this step-by-step curriculum, the lessons learned from Professor Grinder and because I now teach a very specific set of skills and principles, I have been able to train three other stand up comedy teachers to teach the fundamentals of my curriculum. Kurtis "Jett" Matthews, currently stand up comedy teachers in the San Francisco Bay, was a road comic for ten plus years and has been featured with Bill Hicks, Jerry Seinfeld, and many more. Gayla Johnson, my wife, who taught my workshops for three years when I had cancer. Fernando Rivera who is my current assistant and substatute teacher. Gayla and Fernando have become excellent stand up comedy teachers.
A stand up comedy teachers job is to help students articulate their individual sense of humor. How does a teacher get around to passing on his or her own limitations and style? The answer: technique. Fledgling comics need to learn the craft of comedy and then be given a safe environment in which to experiment. Comedy technique must replace comedy opinion if the stand up comedy teachers are going to guide their students in finding their own unique comic style.
As I noted earlier, good teaching entails a lot of learning. Training Matthews, Johnson, and Rivera has taught me even more about what is required to train competent stand up comedy teachers. I began by helping them understand the limitations of their own opinions, then I taught them the value of replacing their opinions with specific techniques from a well-defined curriculum. They learned my joke diagram and its implications, my original joke writing system the Joke Prospector, the applications of Narrator, Self, and Character POVs, he Eliminating Self-Criticism Rehearsal, and so forth. It took over a year of training before they became comfortable teaching comedy technique, rather than comedy opinion.
Again, I'm not saying comics and club owner/bookers can't be good stand up comedy teachers. What I am saying is that being a comic or a club owner/booker is not, in itself, a sufficient qualification for being good stand up comedy teachers. Stand up comedy teachers need to be taught how to teach.
Summary about Stand Up Comedy Teachers
There are more than enough stand-up comedy classes for you to choose from, so you can certainly get what you want. But first you must know what you want. Do you want stand up comedy teachers who do everything for you? Do you want stand up comedy teachers who teach you technique so you can do everything for yourself? Do you want stand up comedy teachers who will help you get into the biz? Whatever it is that you want, make sure your stand up comedy teachers can deliver. Ask the stand up comedy teachers about their background in comedy and about their background in teaching. It is very helpful if stand up comedy teachers have some sort of Free Introductory class that you can attend and make your inquires.
In my next article, I'll examine in more detail the specific elements that constitute good stand up comedy teachers.
An Assessment of Stand Up Comedy Teachers Part 2