text: Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums :: View topic - haveing a own family so early!!!! Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Students and Teachers from Around the World!" FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Log in haveing a own family so early!!!! Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums Forum Index -> Family View previous topic :: View next topic Author Message peppyJoined: 03 Mar 2008Posts: 2 Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject: haveing a own family so early!!!! After two weeks later, I am going home for attending my friends wedding. My friend, Elma, who is one of my best friends in senior high school, is going to get married with her boyfriend when I am still studying in college. At the first she told me the news, I was totally shocked. I was thinking that how could it be possible, a relationship for only one and half a year could prove that they can live happily forever? My friend and her boyfriend met when she was in the third grade of senior high, at that time, she was qualified by a college, so she has a part-time job. She worked as a clerk, and her boyfriend was her boss brother. That is how they met. The main reason force them to get married so fast is that her boyfriends grandfather is almost one hundred years old, he wants to see his grandson gets married. Her boyfriend is almost ten years older than her, I couldnt help but admitting that he is really a good man. However, I still worry about my friend, I am afraid that she would regret that she gets married so early, she is in the second grade in college after all. When she get married, although she could still finish her studies, she needs to spend most of her time on her family, only few times could spend on friends or her interest. Anyway, that was my friends decision, what I can do is just stand by her and support her. Back to top SuzanneJoined: 21 Apr 2008Posts: 283Location: Seattle, WA, USA Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 5:53 am Post subject: You are very wise to support your friend, now, and in the future. You would want her to do the same thing for you. It's hard to understand decisions that people make, espeically people we really care about. But usually we can't change their decisions, anyway. It sounds like you will miss having your friend to do things with, and that you're worried she won't finish her education. Getting married does change how she will spend her time, but hopefully you will still be able to enjoy some good times together. Back to top Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums Forum Index -> Family All times are GMT - 8 Hours Page 1 of 1 Jump to: Select a forum Student Forums----------------ComputersCurrent NewsCultureEnglish SchoolsFamilyFilm and CinemaFoodHealth and FitnessHelp CenterHobbiesHolidaysLearning EnglishLiteratureMaking FriendsMusicOpinionsPetsScienceSportsThe Strange and MysteriousTOEFL and Other English ExamsTravel You cannot post new topics in this forumYou cannot reply to topics in this forumYou cannot edit your posts in this forumYou cannot delete your posts in this forumYou cannot vote in polls in this forum Dave's ESL Cafe is maintained by the one and only Dave Sperling. Banner Advertising | Bookstore / Alta Books | FAQs | Articles | Interview with Dave Copyright © 2018 Dave's ESL Cafe | All Rights Reserved | Contact Dave's ESL Cafe | Site Map Teachers College, Columbia University: Train to Teach English Here or Abroad Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group


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Carpet Installation in Pleasure Ridge Park, Kentucky
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subset: commoncrawl


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(Pocket-lint) - It's hard to overstate the effect that Steadicam has had on camerawork. Football is given a new edge by cameras that can move around on the pitch without any of the traditional shaking that comes with shoulder-mounted cameras. Movies that use steadicam can get viewers closer to the action, and feel more involved, than almost any other type of camera operation.
The Merlin2 is designed to give the big movie Steadicam look to any camcorder. It's thousands of pounds cheaper though, and smaller and lighter too. So how does it compare? We spent some time with this new device - which replaces the original Merlin, with some slight tweaks - to find out.
What is the Merlin2
Like the Steadicam JR, Smoothee and original Merlin, the Merlin2 is a hand-held stabiliser. What that means is - unlike a TV or film Steadicam - you don't mount it to your body via a vest and arm - although, there is an option to do so, if you want to spend a lot more money.
Instead, the camera mounts on a detachable plate. This locks on to the top of the Steadicam - this is called "the stage" - and keeps your camera in place, while giving you some easy adjustments to get the whole thing in balance.
From here, the Merlin2 is divided in to two areas, which the Steadicam people call the "upper spar" and "lower spar". To keep the Merlin2 portable, it folds in two, with both the spars folded next to each other. A folding caliper hinge makes this happen, but there's a lot more to this hinge than just allowing the Merlin2 to be folded in half.
At the very bottom of the Merlin, you'll see there's a place to attach a weight. There's another, similar, mounting point on the front, at the caliper hinge. These areas are crucial, and it's how you're eventually going to get your camera balanced.
There's no built-in screen on the Merlin, as there was on the old JR, and the pro systems. Here, you use the inbuilt monitor on your camera. You do need a monitor though, as using a viewfinder will defeat the purpose of an isolation system like the Merlin2.
The idea of the Merlin2, like all Steadicams, big and small, is to help you shoot wobble and judder-free tracking shots. It does this by isolating the camera operator from the camera - to some extent with the Merlin, as you still have to hold on to it - and by moving the centre of gravity away from somewhere inside your camera to a point just above the gimbal of the Merlin2
Why is Steadicam important?
It might sound a bit like pretentious film waffle, but what Steadicam adds to a film echoes most closely what we, as humans, see. More often than not, a Steadicam shot is eye level - although there are some crucial uses where it's not - and it therefore gives you a human perspective.
And that's why filmmakers fall in love with Steadicam shots. They echo the way humans see, so shots using the various versions of the hardware feel more natural when viewed back. It doesn't work for everything, and no Steadicam operator worth his salt would suggest using one where a tripod, dolly or crane could do a better job.
But, take Rocky running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and you'll see a shot that couldn't be done with a traditional camera set-up and look as dynamic. And, things are even more impressive these days with the improved professional rigs that offer so much more flexibility than those used in Rocky and The Shining.
If you need further inspiration, then check out this video from the movie Ong Bak.
What you see there is action and camerawork that are perfectly choreographed and a clever bit of cinematography that takes you into the story, along with the main character.
Upgrade with an arm and vest
If you've got extra money, the Merlin2 is capable of working with an arm and vest combination. This is how the professional rigs operate because it helps to distribute the weight much better, and gives far smoother results.
Of course, the incredible Steadicam arm doesn't come cheap, and the vest is handmade. Together, they cost an extra £1300. That means, for both, you'll pay nearly £2000. That's quite a bit of cash to spend.
But, more important is the fact that at this price you're only £1500 or so away from getting the Steadicam Pilot, which is a fully-fledged system, designed in the same way as the professional rigs - it has a post, rather than the hinged spars of the Merlin2. If you're planning on doing a lot of work with this equipment, the Pilot is by far the better buy.
However you look at it, the Merlin2 is perhaps most sensibly considered as a handheld system, and forgetting there's even the option of the wearable system.
We need to talk about your weight
One thing we noticed with our camera, a lightweight Panasonic camera that shoots on SD card, is that, if anything, it was slightly too light. Of course, when it comes to supporting a camera on your arm, you'll want light, but when it comes to stabilirty, a bit of weight is quite important.
What lightweight cameras suffer from, is a slight "flightiness". Because the camera is light, you put only a small amount of weight on the bottom of the Merlin to balance it. This means that it's a little more prone to wind and inertia. Tiffen does sell an adaptor that allows you to add weight to the camera, so if you're using a very light system, it might be worth thinking about.
The problem, of course, is that if you have a heavy SLR - we tried the Canon 5D III - then supporting it on your arm is going to get old very quickly. And for every pound of camera weight, you have to balance the Merlin2 at the bottom, with more weights. So this isn't just about carrying the weight of the camera, but about the counterbalance too.
Setup and balance
We've used the Steadicam Smoothee and the higher-end Pilot, Flyer and Scout rigs in our time, and it has to be said, the Merlin2 is by far the hardest to set up. There are a lot of reasons for this, but you do need to be very patient to get your balance right.
What's more, no matter how many times you look at the manual, watch the supplied instruction DVD or search the net, there is no one who can tell you how to set up the Merlin2 properly. It is the very definition of trial and error.
For a start, there are quite a lot of adjustments it's possible to make. For example, the two spars move away from each other, when you twist the adjustment control on the hinge. For light cameras, this needs to be set so the bottom and top of the Merlin are close together. For heavier weights, set the two as far apart as possible.
Once you've got that sorted, then you need to work out roughly where you camera's centre of gravity is. You then mount it on the plate so the middle of the plate is roughly over the camera's centre of gravity. To find the CoG of a camera, it's easiest to put a pencil on a desk and move the camera over it until you feel that it's roughly in blance. You need to mark here, on the camera - use a crayon - and then attach it to the plate. Then, once all that is done, you need to add weights. There's some maths to this. But cameras of 2lbs or so need one large weight. We used just one, and that was the only way we were able to get the Merlin balanced. At this point, you should be getting to the point where the camera is pointing in the right sort of direction. Unless you're lucky, it will be pointing either to the ground or to the sky.
You can move the mounting plate around a bit here, and this will help you get the whole thing balanced. Or you can use the trim controls. We found that our camera needed to be pushed right back on the top stage to achieve any balance at all. The trim controls are very handy too, and you'll use them a lot when you forget to insert your SD card, or fold out your screen during setup. It's amazing how much out of balance the camera will be if you don't have it set up exactly how you operate it when you balance the Steadicam.
We found that the Merlin would list a bit too, this seemed to be because we never got the centre of gravity quit right. The trim controls, on the bottom of the stage, allow you to move the camera around slightly, and get it in balance.
The last control is above the gimbal. This is the part of the Steadicam that you hold - well, more specifically it's the bit that sits about the handle, which you actually hold. You don't touch the gimbal usually. This last control is a ring, and by loosening, or tightening it, you can get the camera into balance.
To make sure you're set up right, you'll need to do what's known as a "drop time" test. The drop time is the period it takes the camera to "right" itself when you hold the bottom spar at 45 degrees, and let go. Aim for about a second or so here, and you've got a Steadicam that should be quite well set-up.
Do you see what we mean? It's an involved process.
None of this is made easier by the fact that Tiffen doesn't supply the table-top stand with the Merlin2. This is an optional extra, but it's one well worth considering, as it will help you to get set up a lot easier. The good news is, once you're set up, the Merlin should need only minor tweaks in the future to get going again. Unless you change cameras, or add an accessory.
A bit costly for most
You'd have to be pretty keen on smooth tracking shots to fork out for a Merlin2 though. At £750 - although you can get it for less online - it's probably more expensive than a lot of the cameras you might mount on it. At that price, it's more than a lot of SLRs that can record 1080p video.
What you get for the money, though, is a device which has been made to the highest possible standard. The Merlin2 is pretty much all metal. The hand grip is plastic, but there's no real disadvantage to that, and metal wouldn't be so comfortable to hold.
Certainly, everything feels like it's been made to the highest standards. That said, there are a few little things we didn't totally love. First, the trim controls are a bit stiff, and the one that controls left/right trim is a little inaccessible. You use this quite a bit too, so it could be a long-term frustration.
We also found that the mount for the lower weight was loose. It never once gave us any trouble, but we were surprised by it even so. It means you can just pull out the mount for the bottom weights, if you give it a good tug.
Not as flexible as a full rig
It's a bit silly to say this, perhaps, but the Merlin misses some of the important features of the bigger Steadicams. Of course, it's a fraction of the price, but it still affects the outcome.
One striking omission is the ability to use low mode. For Steadicam, low mode gives you a smooth tracking shot that is close to the ground. Because the Merlin2 can't be inverted, there's no way to get it low to the ground. And if you hold it normally, it's too hard to control if you're trying to operate it hunched over, or with your legs bent.
As there's no vest and arm, you'll also find it a bit harder to keep shots level. On the professional Steadicams, leveling can be fixed, and changed when you need to boom up and down - going up a kerb, for example, requires you boom down, to take out the difference in height - but with the Merlin, your arm sets the height, and it can fluctuate.
Neither of these issues is a big problem, for most types of shoot but we think it's worthy of mention. If you need low mode, do what Garrett Brown did in The Shining, and sit on a trolley, while someone else pushes you around after a child on a tricycle.
The Merlin is certainly an impressive too. Its construction is brilliant, and every component feels like it's been made to last.
Operating it can at times be quite frustrating. But this is the story of Steadicam anyway, it takes patience and skill, both of which you'll get in spades once you start to look at some of the results you get.
Our shots, in the demo video, you may notice have a sort of rocking motion to them. This is down to a rig that's not completely set up as it should be. Perhaps we were a little bottom heavy, or perhaps we just don't quite have the knack yet. But, one thing's for sure: the footage in that clip is about ten thousand times better than the stuff we recorded on it to start with .
You certainly can get some amazing shots with the Merlin2, and it brings out a whole new way of making videos. If you're a keen amateur or you're doing wedding videos or corporate work, then the Merlin gives you one more trick in your arsenal that most other operators don't have. That can be useful, and profitable.
The Merlin2 is hard to set up, and can be quite a challenge to operate and support.
But none of that matters when you see your first successful, smooth shot. Tiffen says that you can get "professional" results on the Merlin2. That's almost certainly true, but you need to practise, practise, practise to get there. But if you're motivated, you can do some amazing things with the Merlin. It also teaches you a great deal about the bigger Steadicams, and is a great starting point from which to take your operating further.
As with most film and video tools, part of the skill of a Steadicam is knowing when to use it, when not to use it, and when to lock off your shot. Planning, therefore, is a really important part of using the Merlin2. Think about your shot in advance, and it will look a hundred times better.
We loved the Merlin, and in the time we spent with it we got happier and happier with our results. If we had more time, we're confident we would improve even more. We're certainly sad to see this lovely bit of equipment go back to Tiffen.


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US scrambles to avoid Egypt 'coup' designation
The Obama administration wants to find a way to avoid labeling the overthrow of Egypt's Islamist president a "coup" to keep crucial aid flowing to the Egyptian military without violating American law, U.S. officials said Monday.
While not directly ordering a pre-cooked outcome of a legal review into Mohammed Morsi's ouster last week, the officials said Monday that the White House has made clear in inter-agency discussions that continued aid to Egypt's military is a U.S. national security priority that would be jeopardized by a coup finding. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to publicly discuss internal administration deliberations.
The legal review being led by State Department lawyers has not been completed, but under U.S. law, a coup determination would require a suspension of all non-humanitarian aid to Egypt, including $1.3 billion that directly supports the Egyptian military.
Some officials concede that a "no-coup" finding may become increasingly difficult to justify given the rising violence among Morsi supporters, opponents and security forces that has led to fears of a civil war.
Egyptian soldiers and police clashed with Islamists protesting the military's ouster last week of the president in bloodshed that left at least 51 protesters and three members of the security forces dead, officials and witnesses said. Egypt plunged deeper into crisis with calls by the Muslim Brotherhood's political party for all-out rebellion against the army.
The carnage outside the Republican Guard building in Cairo - where Morsi was first held last week - marked the single biggest death toll since massive protests forced Morsi's government from power and brought in an interim civilian administration. The administration has condemned the violence and is appealing for restraint from all sides as well as a speedy return to elected civilian governance.
In the latest high-level contact between Washington and Cairo, Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel spoke again with Egypt's defense minister, Gen. Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi, on Sunday - the fourth conversation in three days, according to Pentagon press secretary George Little.
Little declined to provide details of the conversations. He said the frequent recent calls between the two men is due to the U.S. belief that it's important to maintain open lines of communications during such a turbulent time.
He said the calls have been "lengthy and very candid" and signal the Obama administration's support "for steps that reduce provocations, reduce violence and move Egypt toward a transition that emphasizes democracy and civilian authority."
Associated Press writer Lolita C. Baldor contributed to this report.


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Species images and information provided by
Orectolobus maculatus (Bonnaterre, 1788)
Wobbegong, Carpet shark, Common carpet shark, Common catshark, Tassel shark, spotted wobbegong
The sluggish spotted wobbegong spends much of its day lying motionless on the bottom or hidden in caves, under overhangs or in shipwrecks. At night, the shark becomes more active, and swims, or moves about the sea floor, searching for prey to slowly sneak up on (2). Bottom-dwelling animals such as reef fishes, octopuses, crabs and rock lobsters are some of their preferred foods (4), many of which blunder unwittingly towards the mouth of the camouflaged wobbegong. By opening its wide mouth and expanding its throat, the wobbegong can effectively suck in its prey, trapping and killing it with its powerful jaws and big teeth. After a night spent hunting, the spotted wobbegong, which is observed singly or in aggregations, often returns to the same resting site (2). The nocturnal spotted wobbegong is an ovoviviparous shark, thus the embryos develop inside eggs that remain inside the mother until they hatch. Females give birth to large litters, usually of around 20 pups, but up to 37 pups have been recorded (5).


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Reality check of cashless economy; Watch journey from Delhi-Dehradun
For latest breaking news, other top stories log on to: http://www.abplive.in & https://www.youtube.com/abpnewsTV
National Unity Day: A tribute to Sardar Patel | Master Stroke
What all changed after J&K officially bifurcated into 2 UTs? | Master Stroke
Israeli spyware Pegasus snooped on Indian Journalists through Whatsapp | Master Stroke
Maharashtra: Shiv Sena's Sanjay Raut Meets Sharad Pawar
Drill displays IED diffused with the help of a robot by NSG
Article 370 only gave separatism and terrorism to J&K: PM Modi in Kevadiya
Let us work towards making India $5 trillion economy: Modi To Trainee Civil Servant | Full Speech
Radio Stations in Jammu, Srinagar and Leh renamed
Jammu and Kashmir to witness 'Acche Din'? | Seedha Sawal
Expert advice on how to survive poor air quality in Delhi-NCR


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104 Great Marsh RoadBarnstable MA 02668
C / Residential
1 to 2, Barnstable
Very private, wooded, acre+ lot in well-established 10-lot subdivision of distinctive homes on a dead-end street with sidewalks & streetlights.Lot being sold as package to be built by L. Seminara.
Road Frontage:
Updated: Tuesday, Dec 01 2020www.capeshores.com/mlnumber/20403347/
You have viewed 1 property
Listing courtesy of Seminara Construction & Realty. Disclaimer: All data relating to real estate for sale on this page comes from the Broker Reciprocity (BR) of the Cape Cod & Islands Multiple Listing Service, Inc. Detailed information about real estate listings held by brokerage firms other than Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Cape Shores Real Estate include the name of the listing broker. Neither the listing company nor Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Cape Shores Real Estate shall be responsible for any typographical errors, misinformation, misprints and shall be held totally harmless. The Broker providing this data believes it to be correct, but advises interested parties to confirm any item before relying on it in a purchase decision. Copyright 2020. Cape Cod & Islands Multiple Listing Service, Inc. All rights reserved.
104 Great Marsh Road
Barnstable, MA


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Jamiroquai: The BiographyThe members of Jamiroquai. Talk about their musical styles, techniques, instruments...
JOKE!Today everything is going wrong....a 100% wrong...this morning I was sick and I couldn't go to classes and there was an exam and the idiot professor thought I hadn't come because of it Like I dunno it's only gonna be worse like this
Re: Jamiroquai: The Biography
Great band !! Hello from France!!
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Into-plane fueling, Ramp Service, Cargo Handling, Cabin Cleaning, Passenger Service, Deicing, Fuel Facility Maintenance, GSE Maintenance, Baggage System Maintenance, and more.
Data is submitted by registered FlightAware members on 2006-Dec-20 16h28.You must register or login to edit FBO information.
Jet A and 100LL airport fuel prices for all FBOs at KATL


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|Remembering Tim
|Following the untimely death of our son whilst reporting on the humanitarian tragedy unfolding
in Misrata, Libya, we have been comforted by the many messages of condolences and the tributes
to Tim, sent from every corner of the world.
Our thoughts at this time are also with the family of Tim's colleague, Chris Hondros, who sadly was killed in the same incident and with the other two photographers who were severely injured.
We hope this site will provide a suitable collection point for your views and be a conduit for messages to continue to reach us all. It humbles us to know that Tim touched so many people's lives in his chosen profession as well as throughout his life as a cherished son, brother, uncle, partner and a much loved friend.
Tim's family are establishing the Tim Hetherington Foundation which will support struggling students, artists and those in need in this country and the developing world. The foundation will seek to encourage others to continue in Tim's footsteps, highlighting humanitarian and social concerns throughout the world.
Donations should be directed to:
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natty-k-15 changed their profile picture
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We are growing TRASH into a big community which you can be a part of. So if you have anything you want to show us, work with us*, share your ideas, art.
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The wolf pack! I use the wolf pack as a way of playing the small child with those that will play family system for me; substitute a family system! I never had one; I didnt know when very young; one is in a fantasy bond and will take all energies coming their way and turn it into love or family love or emotional love! After being destroyed out of a family system and by life or the community; I ended up with no ability to feel or intake feelings! I was destroyed! I never came from a family system; just psychopaths!
After leaving this family system of psychopaths and before; I would find large groups to belong to; or other family systems to belong to! I was looking for another family system! When young; I would end up at someones house and I would make them my new family! In reality, I was being used but never new it! So; in reality, they never saw me as part of their family; but I never knew; and this will cause massive devastation in the future! I will be destroyed by this; for I will be thrown away again; and these are people that never wanted me in the first place! I will end up orphaned from them! I will end up orphaned from everything! I tried to go to school; I trusted no one; and ended up attacked by predator bullies! These were sociopaths or psychopaths looking for weak kids to attack; they could sense I was alone and had no protection! No one cared!
I had no real family, I had a house! I lived in a house! That kept me insulated; but not for long; it was taken away and then I was erased as if I was never born! The neighborhoods I lived in didnt care; this was not their style of problems! I was like an alien from another planet that did not fit into this! I was quickly ostracized, criticized, turned into a black sheep of the community and thrown out with all darkness and gnashing of teeth! Many of these filth from the upper economic neighborhoods are all the same; worthless filth! they live off the country and its people! they take everything they can get their hands on and cover up the crime; rich criminals; nothing more! They are dangerous if your ever in trouble; they will leave you or abandon to your death! They are worthless arrogant people; Godless in nature; but they are first to have their Jesus churches and dolls ready to shoot anyone not like them! Their brand of christianity is based on their smooth comfortable affairs; their money protects them to be anything they want to be! take away the money; and they are frail and nothing! However, these cowards hide behind their money and their greed for it! They sound good; but in reality; they are dangerous! They use people ruthlessly; in a sense; they are the real head sociopaths of any wolf pack! They disguise themselves to look like everyone else! In reality; they are worthless filth hiding behind their money! However, that money buys the state! I can assure you; the rich have the cop protection long before I will! They are arrogant! They will interrupt a decent man when he is speaking or speaking out; and they will feel safe doing so; as if they actually believe their will be no consequence! In reality, their money protects them; so do their rich friends; evil; yes, the most evil on earth possibly; maybe not! either way! they are not nice people; they are murder's, who will murder and bury the evidence after the courts find them innocent! And they are always found innocent; for those who work in the courts live in their neighborhoods! and they look after their own wolf pack!
I gave myself away to being around wolf packs! I was looking for anything to take the place of the family I was starving to have; anything! any group that I could fit into that I could play the small child roll and be taken care of; institutionalized!
Im the type of person that wants to be institutionalized so I can be taken care of or loved! I dont want to be out on the outskirts! and this has causes a problem of giving up my identity to fit in! Ive not been myself and then looked for what I wanted in life; Instead I would join a community of anything I could find and fit in!
I tried to fit into my old family system many times; the psychopaths! I was thrown out with gnashing of teeth; they didnt want me because I was not one of them; I was a stranger to them! they were not human; they were inner cultural predators who ate other citizens of their country!
I will sell myself to anyone if I can stay with them as a family! Out of desperation; this is all Ive done all my life! Ive never felt safe enough to be in real relationships with anyone! Ill take the lowest position in a group for attention; just so I can feel like I belong to something; anything.
One time in my life; God brought me a girl when I was a teenager; she was a teenager; but I turned on her viciously because I saw she was the rich! and I knew I would be booted at some time! unfortunately, I was wrong! and I payed dearly for this mistake! I walked out and abandon an innocent person that trusted me! and it causes fear in me when I think about what I did! So, Im very confused! I could never really accept that person never again! I guess my prejudice for the rich was to strong! I thought; if she is one of these; Im her enemy! I could never be around her ever again! I could not face the fact that I might get a good life out of this deal! I would not trust the process! this girl would have never hurt me; I loved her and her innocence was hooked into me! Then I coward out and turned on her!
So, I spend my life running and looking for a family system or other strong structure for security! Today, Im turning to God about all these things; and Im attempting to learn how to be in relationships with a women again! this is very hard; Ive not had any type of track record worth discussing! I dont have a track record; I never dated anyone; I was 2 freaked out from mental illness.
Getting involved with women seem dangerous and not smart! but not getting involved with them seems immature and stupid! so, I guess I cant win! I must work with God!
I must allow God to bring me the right people; I send out the signals; God brings the right people!
I didnt know I was going to be a coward when dealing with girls. I could never take a chance with them; I never thought they were ever on my side; never! they would turn on me sooner or later! In reality, they never turned on me! I freaked and stunned myself out; I turned on them! and this was not my character! Now I know what happened; mental illness! could not help it !
I thought that all women would turn on me sooner or later and could not be trusted! I dont like anything or anyone that cant be trusted; it reminds me of the rich and how the slam their doors in the faces of the poor and dying! and how they create the dying to succeed with money!
It was impossible for me to understand at the time that I was not around the right kind of women; I was not around nice women! Women are scarce in my life! I was hardly around anyone or anything! I thought all people were bad! meaning, I was all alone and had nothing; I didnt want to live! I certainly was not going to trust these ingrates in this society.
I was not of the upper middle class money! and many of the women I met; they were interested in money or those with money! and I had no money; so, their were no women! I did not fit in anywhere, nor was I apart of any type of system; I did not have the background for it! You had to come from something to be apart of something! Maslow's hierarchy of needs; I was at the bottom wrung. If I could not take care of myself; why would I care about things like women; or even think about them! I didnt; my life was destroyed; they are the last thing I wanted to think about or get involved in!
I found myself in the outskirt of a wolf pack of one nature or the other; weather it be one friend or a group of people; and still this was far and between; for I was alone most of the time in my own hell.
I used the college system as a family; it was a miserable failure! I never went to school to work on college home work; I went their to belong to the school; belong to something, anything! I should have been in a nut house; I was nots. My dilution was as if the school was a giant family I could get love from! I never tried to do well in school never did I care; the system meant nothing to me; I did not care about any future or home work; I was enraged and mad; insane; I just wanted love now! and the school system was a system and could take care of me; I just wanted to be taken care off; I didnt care about anything else! Love and security is all I wanted!
PTSD and bulling and corrupt teachers and school officials; all destroyed my abilities; destroyed my abilities to trust anyone or anything at the school level! I did not fit in with the kids at any level; nothing! I was an alien walking around! I could not open a book; I was to disgusted and freaked out being at this ridiculous places! Im speaking in terms of junior high or more importantly; high schools!I was suffering from dissociative disorder and long term PTSD!, I could not open a book or study or get into anything!
I did not fit in; I had no family! and could not fit in to anything; to much fear and PTSD! I had no place to go or to fit in; and no one cared! finally, the only place I had left was at the end of a rope! So; this battle ultimately ends with God or the universe and the fight was with them; the universe in those ghosts in it! What was I doing here on planet earth with these f__kiing idiots! Why was I here!
Being in relationships; I could not trust women; they seem to make a game out of everything! They adopt a laissez-faire attitude or one of deliberate non-interference so that women felt free of pressure; Free of any pressure to appreciate or respect anyone in front of them! they seem to respect nothing! Im not sure if this is biological or what! I understand women are build to have children and appreciate children! However, the simple idea of relationship seems to have no real value with the women Ive been around and seen through my life! It was different when I was a kid! later, it all went backwards; hating men seemed to be a fashion statement! very strange! " all men are worthless, no good, free loading rapists"; thats what I get from most women! unless your good looking; and; Im good looking to women; so I dont have to worry about any of it! hahahahahahah!
I did not come from a back ground that I supply someone any kind of life! so; i was out! I was non existent when it came to women!
Im not suggesting I dont like women; I like women that are inline! I dont like free speaking or feeling women! I think they should be locked down to a mans desk! and used; spanked until they cry for mercy!
I did not have the upper hand! I had nothing! I came from nothing! I was looking for a family; thats all I was looking for! I wanted to fit into a family! Be loved. Be around loving people.
When your thrown away, out in the cold; your destroyed by the predators that are out their! I was alone for to long with nothing! I fit into nothing! I never got any help with anything from anywhere or anyone! finally it was the state that helped me; they were the only ones! I was just a number but I qualified for help! and Im still getting state help! they are the only ones that responded to my need for help; no one else! the rest were 2 faced lies and liars that would let me die! or would have let me die! or thought they had let me die! God or the universe was watching.
The point is; Im alone in the sense that everywhere around me is the enemy; I have no friends! I find myself in wolf packs of different makings; a lost child only interested in a family of love that will take care of me! Generally, I dont find all that much love and acceptance! soon, they turn on me because they weren't worth much to begin with, but its all I got! I want them to appreciate me from a lowly level.
So, with the rich; with their money; they think their superior!
So; Ive spent my life looking for a family to desperately belong in! When very little; it was TV! that is what gave me my security! I remember nursery school; outside with the other kids, painting with water on walls and driving around big wheels! I remember that! that was a secure place!
I didnt know I was around the abusers I was around!
I didn't know, my whole interest in life was to find a family; Some place I could escape into! hide from the world or fit into! Not to belong to anything anywhere is a form of evil.
I found that money within a family; that is economics! high level money within a family, allows a cushion within a family system that they can dream about what ever they want to dream about; privilege. When the privilege interrupt you purposely for the sake off putting you down for social status reasons; they've got the state or cops on their side because they have money on their side! Money is the name of the game and runs everything and makes the decisions for everything for those kind of people. For me; I use God, the universe and the laws of attraction! And allot of super millionaire billionaires top the same!
The rich have the cops on their side because the police are used to protect those with money!
The point is; Im looking for relief! Im not going to find it in the people around these cities or neighborhoods! I dont know where to start! I was never protected; and I spent my life looking for protection! to be taken care of and safe; like a 5 year old walking around in shock looking for his mother who he will never find!
insecurity ruled the issue!


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- Glorious Day (feat. Kristian Stanfill) [Live]
- There's Nothing That Our God Can't Do (feat. Kristian Stanfill) [Live From Passion 2020]
- One Thing Remains (feat. Kristian Stanfill) [Radio Version]
- More to Come (feat. Kristian Stanfill) [Live]
- Even So Come (feat. Kristian Stanfill) [Radio Version/Live]
- Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) [feat. Chris Tomlin] [Live]
- In Christ Alone (feat. Kristian Stanfill)
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About Passion
After a decade-long stint growing a popular student ministry at Baylor University in Texas, Louie Giglio and his wife Shelley moved to Atlanta in 1995 and started the Passion conferences, a national collegiate ministry that used live worship music and teaching to encourage young people to live for the glory of God. Yearly Passion events served as the movement's centerpieces: multi-day, festival-styled gatherings whose attendance grew exponentially from a couple of thousand when Passion held its first get-together in 1997 to up to 40,000 in 2000. Since the second gathering in Austin, Texas in 1998, Passion decided to document the musical portion of the annual conferences via live worship recordings that featured praise songs with an alternative edge. The original worship leader at the conferences was Charlie Hall, but soon other collaborators, including Chris Tomlin, David Crowder Band, Christy Nockels, and Matt Redman joined the fold.
The growing popularity of the live discs and each of these worshipers' songs led Giglio to create sixstepsrecords, which would serve as a creative hub for the entire Passion team. Of the whole family, Tomlin and David Crowder Band would go on to reach superstar status; the former would earn the label its first RIAA gold-certified album with 2004's Arriving. Multiple awards, nominations, and showings in the upper echelons of Billboard's Christian charts made the Passion and sixsteps brands the most popular in modern worship music, with many of their songs sung by millions in churches all across the country.
In 2006, sixsteps released The Best of Passion (So Far), a two-disc retrospective chronicling the first ten years in the life of the movement. The annual Passion concerts became a praise & worship tradition and live releases drawn from each year's concert continued to appear in 2006 (Everything Glorious), 2008 (God of This City), 2011 (Passion: Here for You), and 2012 (White Flag). Let the Future Begin arrived in 2013 and underscored its title with motivational lyrics and uptempo beats, while 2014's Take It All added a bonus DVD to the album's physical release.
The 2015 Passion conference featured three separate live events held at both the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia and the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas. The resulting album, Even So Come, showcased performances from Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Kristian Stanfill, and others. Following a 2016 studio album called Salvation's Tide Is Rising, Passion celebrated its 20th year with a live album recorded at the 2017 conference. Titled Worthy of Your Name, the album featured new songs written specifically for the anniversary conference and was led by Kristian Stanfill, Brett Younker, and Melodie Malone of the Passion Band. The 2018 installment, Whole Heart, arrived a year later and charted in the Top 40 of the Billboard 200. Their 2019 offering arrived at the start of the year with Follow You Anywhere. ~ Andree Farias
ORIGINAtlanta, GA


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What It Feels Like to Have a Borderline Binge Eating Disorder
Find out what it's really like to experience a binge-eating episode, and how one woman is coping with her eating disorder.
If you look at me, you wouldn't guess I was a binge eater. But four times a month, I find myself wolfing down more food than I can handle. Let me share a little bit about what it's really like to go through a binge-eating episode and how I've learned to cope with my eating disorder.
My Wake-Up Call
Last week I went out for Mexican food. One basket of chips, a cup of salsa, three margaritas, a bowl of guacamole, a steak burrito covered in sour cream, and a side order of rice and beans later, I wanted to vomit. I held my protruding stomach and looked up in pain at my boyfriend, who patted my belly and laughed. "You did it again," he said.
I didn't laugh. I felt fat, out of control.
My parents always said I had the appetite of a truck driver. And I do. I can eat and eat...then realize I'm about to get violently ill. I remember vacationing at a beach house with my family when I was 6 years old. After dinner, I sneaked to the fridge and ate an entire jar of dill pickles. At 2 a.m., my mom was cleaning vomit off my bunk bed. It's as if I lacked the brain mechanism to tell me I was full. (Good news: There are healthy ways to deal with overeating.)
If you look at me—five foot eight and 145 pounds—you wouldn't guess I was a binge eater. Maybe I'm blessed with a good metabolism, or I stay active enough with running and biking that the extra calories don't affect me too much. Either way, I know that what I do isn't normal, and it definitely isn't healthy. And if statistics bear out, it will eventually make me overweight.
Shortly after my example of a binge eating episode in the Mexican restaurant, I decided it was past time to address my problem. First stop: health journals. According to a 2007 study on more than 9,000 Americans, 3.5 percent of women have binge-eating disorder (BED). The name sounds an awful lot like what I do, but by the clinical definition—"eating larger amounts of food than normal during a two-hour period at least twice a week for six months"—I don't qualify. (Mine is more of a 30-minute, four times a month habit.) Then why do I still feel like I have a problem?
Seeking clarification, I called Martin Binks, PhD, the director of behavioral health and research at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, North Carolina. "Just because you don't meet the diagnostic criteria doesn't mean you don't suffer," Binks assured me. "There's an eating continuum—"varying levels of eating 'discontrol.' Regular mini binges, for example [hundreds instead of thousands of extra calories a day] eventually add up, and the psychological and health damage may be even greater."
I think back to nights when I've been full from dinner but still managed to wolf down seven or eight Oreos. Or lunches when I've eaten my sandwich in record time—then moved on to the chips on my friend's plate. I cringe. Living on the verge of an eating disorder is a tricky place to find yourself. On the one hand, I'm pretty open about it with friends. When I order another hot dog after devouring my first two, it becomes a joke: "Where are you putting that one, your big toe?" We have a good laugh, and then they dot their lips with napkins while I continue chowing down. On the other hand, there are lonely moments when I'm terrified that if I can't control something as basic as eating, how am I supposed to control other aspects of adulthood, like paying down a mortgage and raising children? (Neither of which I've yet to attempt.)
Hunger vs. Head Games
My eating issues defy traditional psychoanalysis: I had no traumatic food experiences early on in which hateful parents withheld dessert as punishment. I never dealt with anger by consuming an extra-large stuffed-crust pizza. I was a happy kid; most of the time, I'm a happy adult. I ask Binks what he thinks causes bingeing behaviors. "Hunger," he says.
"Among other reasons, people who restrict their diets set themselves up for bingeing," Binks says. "Shoot for three meals, high-fiber foods, and snacks every three to four hours. Planning what you'll eat in advance makes you less likely to give in to a sudden craving."
Fair enough. But what about those times when I've eaten steadily all day and I still feel the need to have third helpings at dinner? Surely it's not hunger driving those examples of binge eating episodes. I dial the number for therapist Judith Matz, director of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating and coauthor of The Diet Survivor's Handbook, for her thoughts. Our conversation goes like this.
Me: "Here's my problem: I binge, but not enough to be diagnosed with BED."
Matz: "Does overeating make you feel guilty?"
Me: "Yes."
Matz: "Why do you think that is?"
Me: "Because I shouldn't do it."
Matz: "Why do you think that is?"
Me: "Because I'll get fat."
Matz: "So the issue is really your fear of getting fat."
Me: "Um...(to self: Is it?...) I guess so. But why would I binge eat if I didn't want to get fat? That doesn't sound very smart."
Matz goes on to tell me that we live in a culture of fat phobia, where women deny themselves "bad" foods, which backfires when we can no longer stand the deprivation. It echoes what Binks was saying: If your body feels hungry, you'll eat more than you should. And then..."Food is how we were comforted as children," Matz says. (Ha! I knew the childhood stuff was coming.) "So it makes sense that we find it comforting as adults. Give me an example of when you've eaten out of emotions and not hunger." I think for a minute, then tell her that when my boyfriend and I were in a long-distance relationship, I would occasionally binge after we'd had a weekend together, and sometimes I wondered if it was because I missed him. (When it comes to emotional eating, don't believe this myth.)
"Perhaps loneliness was an emotion you weren't comfortable with, so you looked for a way to distract yourself," she says. "You turned to food, but as you were bingeing you were probably telling yourself how fat it was going to make you and how you'd better work out all week and eat only 'good' foods..." (How does she know that?!) "...but guess what? In doing that, you took the focus off your loneliness."
Wow. Bingeing so I can stress about being fat instead of stressing about being lonely. That's messed up, but quite possible. I'm exhausted from all this analysis (now I know why people lie on those couches), yet I'm curious about what Matz thinks is the best way to break the cycle. "Next time you reach for food, ask yourself, 'Am I hungry?'" she says. "If the answer is no, it's still okay to eat, but know you're doing it for comfort and stop the internal scolding. Once you give yourself permission to eat, you won't have anything to divert your attention from the feeling you're trying to escape." Eventually, she says, bingeing will lose its appeal. Maybe. (Related: 10 Things This Woman Wishes She'd Known at the Height of Her Eating Disorder)
Falling Off the Wagon
Armed with these new insights, I wake up on Monday morning determined to have a binge episode-free week. The first few days are fine. I follow Binks' recommendations and find that eating small portions four or five times a day does keep me from feeling deprived and that I have fewer cravings. It's not even hard to turn down my boyfriend's suggestion of going out for wings and beer on Wednesday night; I've already planned to cook us a healthy meal of salmon, zucchini casserole, and baked potatoes.
Then the weekend arrives. I'll be driving four hours to visit my sister and help her paint her new house. Leaving at 10 a.m. means I'll be stopping en route for lunch. As I speed along the interstate, I begin planning the healthy meal I'll have at Subway. Lettuce, tomatoes, and low-fat cheese—"a six-inch, not the foot-long. By 12:30, my stomach is growling; I pull off at the next exit. No Subway in sight, so I turn in to Wendy's. I'll just get the kids' meal, I think. (Related: Counting Calories Helped Me Lose Weight—But Then I Developed an Eating Disorder)
"A Baconator, large fries, and a Vanilla Frosty," I say into the speaker box. Apparently, along with my toothbrush, I've left my willpower at home.
I inhale the entire meal, rub my Buddha belly and try to ignore the guilt that engulfs me for the rest of the drive. To compound matters, my sister orders pizza for dinner that night. I've already ruined my diet for the day, I tell myself, gearing up for a gorge-fest. In record time, I inhale five slices.
An hour later, I can no longer stand myself. I am a failure. A failure at eating like a normal person, and a failure at reforming my bad habits. After dinner, I lie on the couch and begin moaning. My sister shakes her head at me and tries to distract me from my self-induced pain. "What are you working on these days?" she asks. I start laughing in between groans. "An article on binge eating."
I remember Binks telling me that the way I feel after bingeing is important and that I should try to relieve any guilt with physical activity. A brisk stroll around the block doesn't exactly ease the bloating, but I have to admit, by the time I get back to the house the guilt has lightened a bit. (Exercise helped this woman conquer her eating disorder, too.)
Is Bingeing in My Genes?
Back at my apartment, I come across a recent study that says overeating may be genetic: Researchers at the University of Buffalo found that people with genetically fewer receptors for the feel-good chemical dopamine find food more rewarding than do people without that genotype. Two of my aunts had weight issues—they both underwent gastric bypass surgery. I wonder if I'm feeling the effects of my family tree. I'd prefer, however, to believe that binge eating is ultimately my own decision, albeit a very bad one and therefore within my grasp to control.
I don't like feeling guilty or fat. I don't like moving my boyfriend's hand off my stomach after a big meal because I'm embarrassed for him to touch it. As with most problems, bingeing can't be fixed overnight. "I tell my patients that this is more about persistence in their effort than quitting cold turkey," Binks says. "It takes time to analyze your eating pattern and figure out how to overcome it."
A week later, during dinner with my boyfriend, I get up from the table for an extra helping of potatoes from the stove. Channeling Matz, I stop and ask myself if I'm hungry. The answer is no, so I sit back down and finish telling him about my day, proud of not eating simply to eat. One small step, but at least it's in the right direction. (Related: How Changing My Diet Helped Me Cope with Anxiety)
It's now been a month since my self-imposed intervention, and though it's a daily struggle, I am slowly gaining control over my eating. I no longer look at foods as good or bad—the way Matz says we're conditioned to do—which helps me feel less guilty if I order french fries instead of a salad. This has actually curbed my cravings, because I know I can indulge if I choose. Mexican food is still my kryptonite, but I'm becoming convinced it's simply a bad habit: I've been overeating at Mexican restaurants for so long, my hands are practically programmed to shovel food into my mouth upon arrival. So I've set to work making some modifications: half-portion servings, one less margarita and, oh yes, my guy's hand romantically resting on my hip before any example of a binge eating episode occurs, to remind me I'd rather feel sexy than bloated.
Nip Your Next Binge Episode in the Bud
Curtailing an out-of-control appetite is the first step toward getting a handle on your weight. Preventing an example of a binge eating episode starts with these easy steps.
- At Home: Eat your meals and snacks while seated at a table; serve food from the stove and keep extras in the kitchen. That way, helping yourself to seconds requires getting up and walking to the other room.
- At a Restaurant: Practice leaving some food on your plate when you become comfortably full. Don't use money as an excuse—you're paying for an enjoyable dining experience, not to wind up feeling ill. (Doggie-bag it if you must, but beware the midnight refrigerator raid.)
- At a Party: "Try creating a physical barrier between yourself and whatever item you're tempted by," suggests Binks. "If chips are your weakness, fill up on soup or vegetables before sampling the guacamole platter."


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A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, animal cruelty, apathy, arthropoda, Arthropods, bacon is amazing and if you disagree you're a goddamn communist, biology, Birthdays, Boiling Lobsters, Consider the Lobster, David Foster Wallace, empathy, Essay, ethics, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Gourmet, Infinite Jest, Jason Segel, killing animals for food, Literature, Lobster, Lobsters are Bugs, Maine Lobster, Maine Loster Festival, metacognition, mortality, PC, Philosophy, preference, Science, segmented joints, self preservation, selfish acts of violence, Shogun's, suffering, will to survive, Writing
Is it right to boil lobsters? I'm seriously asking.
Four months back was the most wretched of holidays, a day of the year that I dread more than anything else: my birthday. This isn't me trying to be cute, I legitimately hate my birthday. Part of this is because of my depression and self-loathing. I've trained myself to consider myself worth less than dog-shit, and so when you live in a culture that reinforces a narrative that birthdays are about taking a day to celebrate someone and extol their virtues and just celebrate their existence it becomes, difficult isn't the word, fucking agonizing. Put it simply, how do you appreciate your existence when you often consider your existence to be a waste of other people's time? Still I'm fighting this bullshit in my head, partly because last year's birthday was quite possibly the worst day of my entire life. This year I wanted it to be different. Part of what helped was having to work on my birthday, it kept me occupied, but the other half was about a week later my family took me to one of my favorite restaurants, Shogun's a Japanese Steakhouse. I'm sure places like this exist around the country, but if the reader doesn't know what this is it's a place where patrons sit around a stove and a chef comes out and cooks their food in front of them usually performing by lighting fires, throwing bits of food into their mouth, and performing incredible stunts with knives, spatulas, and other cutlery.
I asked originally about lobster because on this night I had what I usually do when I go to Shogun's: chicken, steak, and lobster. The lobster, it should be noted, wasn't boiled alive in front of us, the chef simply brought out two tails, coated them with butter and seasoning, and then baked it under a steel bowl while he cooked the chicken and made jokes about me and my sister both working in libraries.
He picked up the bowl, dropped the lobster on my plate, and started with the filet mignon. I ate the lobster, and I'll admit it without shame, it was delicious. I also, on one small side note, got my wife to try lobster for the first time ever.
This may at first seem like an opening that will then switch over into a long monologue about how I regretted it later, and how I have since made a vow to never eat lobster again. Well, fortunately, this isn't the case. I didn't regret ordering or eating the lobster. The only guilt I felt was a remembrance of a documentary that aired a few years ago about lobster catchers in the Caribbean who are being manipulated by big seafood providers, but I ordered a Maine lobster so that didn't even come into the equation. I honestly don't feel any guilt about eating lobster, unless they're boiled. And this development, like most things in my life, has to do with reading, specifically a wonderful essay by David Foster Wallace called Consider the Lobster.
My regular reader will remember that over the last year I've experienced an explosion of interest in the writing of David Foster Wallace, buying up most of the books he ever wrote. I've read Infinite Jest (and survived) and in-between reading that book and A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never do Again, I bought a hardback copy of another one of his essay collections Consider the Lobster. It's impossible to forget this book with it's pure white cover, and a red lobster raising its right claw up in a kind of grim welcome to the reader. I remember seeing the book before whenever I would encounter David Foster Wallace's writing, and my amazon account was always recommending it to me. When I asked a professor friend of mine, who I originally consulted for Infinite Jest, about it her answer was an unequivocal, "Yes, I fuckin loved that book."
I bought a copy and started reading it the moment it arrived.
The essay was originally a field piece Wallace was assigned to write by Gourmet magazine. I wonder briefly what they knew what they were getting into when they hired Wallace because the man never just wrote about his topic, he managed to write about the philosophy and spirit of whatever material he was writing about. Wallace is specifically writing about the MLF (Maine Lobster Festival), and while he explains the significance of the event in terms of food connoisseurs and Lobster enthusiasts, the essay eventually becoming a moral conversation about the nature of being a gourmet period.
And part of that is providing a taxonomic, biological background of the lobster which, if the reader honestly believes I won't provide a quote for you clearly have never read any of my work:
Taxonomically speaking, a lobster is a marine crustacean of the family Homaridae, characterized by five pairs of jointed legs, the first pair terminating in large pincer fish claws used for subduing prey. Like many other species of benthic carnivore, lobsters are both hunters and scavengers. They have stalked eyes, gills on their legs, and antennae.
And arthropods are members of the phylum Arthropoda, which phylum covers insects, spiders, crustaceans, and centipedes/millipedes, all of whose main commonality, besides the absence of a centralized brain-spine assembly, is a chitinous exoskeleton composed of segments, to which appendages are articulated in pairs.
The point is lobsters are giant sea insects. (237)
Part of the joy for in including that quote is knowing that somewhere out there in the world someone who has just recently eaten lobster will start to gag as they realize that cockroaches, beetles, and centipedes are related to lobsters and that they, in principle, recently ate a sea-roach. But after I get over my juvenile habit of grossing people out with facts about bugs (it's the main reason why I never get invited to parties), there is a purpose to including this quote because it's also part of the reason Wallace includes this background material in his essay. Shortly after this he provides a brief historical account about how lobster was seen a lower-class food, how it was often fed to criminals, and after this he explains that the principle means of cooking lobster is to boil it alive. All of this ultimately moves towards his central thesis, or, really, the central question of Consider the Lobster:
So then here is a question that's all but unavoidable at the World's Largest Lobster Cooker, and may arise in kitchens across the U.S.: Is it right to boil a sentient creature alive just for our gustatory pleasure? A related set of concerns: Is the previous question irksomely PC or sentimental? What does "all right" even mean in this context? Is the whole thing just a matter of personal choice? (243).
This question is an important one to ask, especially when you live in a society that has become more and more divorced from the reality of food. Individuals who live in the twenty-first century, specifically people who live in urban areas, tend to live in artificial environments where the reality of killing creatures for meat is a somewhat alien concept, actually, let's be real here, it's damn near abstract for them. Probably one of the best examples is the hog-killing scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall where Jason Segel has to kill the hog which is screaming and grunting and then spends most of the time on the way to the party crying.
Before I get into my analysis of Wallace's argument though I do want to take a moment to just note the previous quote and observe the man's ability as a writer. Part of a writer's job is not just coming up with catchy hookers that grab people's attention and then being cute and smart and funny until you reach your word limit. Which, you'll note, is pretty good summation for everything I do on this shitty blog. The writer's principle job, to sound archetypal for a moment, is simply to observe humanity's character and behavior and then to show it right back. As Wallace observes his own question he notes immediately what the reaction will be, and having asked this question in real life I understand why he prepares for a reaction. I asked my wife one night the same questions and she responded with a quick and precise "no." Now in her defense she's a biologist; she's been trained to study animals and that often includes capturing them, killing them, and then cutting them up to see how they work. I tried to make my argument but she threw back plenty of facts about arthropods in general the most obvious one being that, unlike humans, they lack a real nervous system, or at least one as centralized as human beings.
That brings me back to bugs and Wallace again.
No one is really sure whether or not bugs, or arthropods feel pain. I took a few weeks of an etymology course before I realized the class wasn't for me (I don't think the other students liked me) and while I was there the professor of the class noted that it's difficult to measure "pain" in arthropods. Wallace himself observes the complications of pain when he writes:
Since pain is a totally subjective mental experience, we do not have direct access to anyone or anything's pain but our own; and even just the principles by which we can infer that other human beings experience pain and have a legitimate interest in not feeling pain involve hard-core philosophy—metaphysics, epistemology, value theory, ethics. (246).
Wallace also notes that the conversation itself is uncomfortable as he notes just a few lines later:
The more important point here, though, is that the whole animal-cruelty-and-eating issue is not just complex, it's also uncomfortable. It is, at any rate, uncomfortable for me, and for just about everyone I know who enjoys a variety of foods and yet does not want to see herself as cruel or unfeeling. As far as I can tell, my own main way of dealing with this conflict has been to avoid thinking about the whole unpleasant thing. I should also add that it appears to me unlikely that many readers of Gourmet wish to think about it, either, or to be queried about the morality of their eating habits in the pages of a culinary monthly. (246)
This last point seems to be the most poignant element of the entire essay, and all the more important. Wallace's essay really becomes what it is in this paragraph for me because it stops being about the experience of lobster and instead becomes an opportunity for meta-cognition. If the reader doesn't remember that word it literally means "thinking-about-thinking," or to put it another way "thinking about the way that you think about things." I suspect many readers of Gourmet were rather pissed at Wallace for making them revaluate choices that he himself admitted he didn't think about, but if I can dust off a platitude, the unexamined life is not worth living.
Now I know my reader's objection immediately: You're a hypocrite sir, you admitted yourself that you ate lobster recently and you felt no qualms about it, so why should I feel lousy for simply enjoying lobster?
The reader makes a good point, and the only sufficient rebuttal I have is that this essay, this reflection, is a not a condemnation of people who eat lobster in general. My only aim is to ask a question which can start a moral argument, which, by it's nature, is never going to have a clear answer for each person's morality is subjective.
For my own part I have no intention of stopping eating lobster, however I refuse to eat boiled lobster because it seems unnecessarily cruel.
My reader will almost assuredly rebut this point and again cite Wallace himself on the issue of pain, but Wallace provides a few moments of sobering clarity for me when he observes the actual process of boiling lobsters alive by noting their reaction to the process. He writes:
However stupourous a lobster is from the trip, for instance, it tends to come alarmingly to life when placed in boiling water. If you're tilting it from a container into the steaming kettle, the lobster will sometimes try to cling to the container's sides or even to hook it's claws over the kettle's rim like a person trying to keep from going over the edge of a roof. And worse is when the lobster's fully immersed. Even if you cover the kettle and turn away, you usually hear the cover rattling and clinking as the lobster tries to push it off. Or the creature's claws scraping the sides of the kettle as it thrashes around. The lobster, in other words, behaves very much as you or I would behave if we were plunged into boiling water. (247-8).
Some might continue to object, but allow me to offer one more quote before they negate this behavior:
To my lay mind, the lobster's behavior in the kettle appears to be the expression of a preference, and it may well be that an ability to form preferences in the decisive criterion for real suffering. (251).
I tried, when I made the argument with my wife, to make this point, but I have a damn difficult time expressing my opinions and intellectual positions clearly in conversation. That's the main reason why I write; it gives me control and a focus I lack in real life. To my wife's credit she observed but stuck to her argument, and in fact I'm sure there are many who will do the exact same after reading my review and Wallace's actual essay. Nobody's going to really stop eating lobster if they don't have any such qualms about the lobster's potential suffering because it's just, as I and Wallace noted before, a sea-bug. There's no reason to observe much empathy because they're an other.
But hopefully the reader has observed that Consider the Lobster is NOT about lobsters at all. In fact the essay is nothing more than a chance for Philosophic reflection about the way human beings act about their food. Wallace concludes his essay with two keen observations:
Why is a primitive, inarticulate form of suffering less urgent or uncomfortable for the person who's helping to inflict it by paying for the food it results in? (252-3).
And then in closing paragraph he notes:
I'm not trying to bait anyone here—I'm genuinely curious. After all, isn't being extra aware and attentive and thoughtful about one's food and its overall context part of what distinguishes a real gourmet? Or is all the gourmet's extra attention and sensibility just supposed to be sensuous? Is it really just a matter of taste and presentation? (254)
Empathy is a tricky a word to throw out because it's so wrapped up in morality, and morality itself tends to be clouded in religious discourse that discussing empathy for animals makes one seem naïve or "soft" or even worse, a vegetarian. For the record, vegetarians are not the scum of the earth, those are vegans. No eating cheese my ass. I fuckin love cheese.
But all this reflection reminds of a moment years ago that gave me pause for thought. I was in a biology 1201 lab course and we were waiting to start our Mid-term Practicals. I looked down and crawling beneath my feet was a small field cricket. Without thinking I slammed my foot down, enjoying the hard crack and wet crunch. I had killed crickets before, dozens of times. My father was an exterminator so killing insects really wasn't an issue for me, it was literally just business. But when I lifted my foot and looked at the carcass I felt instantly that I had done something wrong. The cricket hadn't bothered me. It hadn't bitten me. Crickets aren't known for spreading disease. Nor do they usually bite. A cricket is about the closest thing you can get to a puppy in terms of insects. It's ridiculous to fret about wantonly stepping on a bug, but is it?
It's easy to negate another creature's potential suffering for the sake of your own comfort, and it's just as easy to establish rhetoric to justify that worldview. There's nothing wrong with killing lobsters, and if you do believe there is that means you're either just another insane animal rights activists, or else you're just soft bodied and want to ensure that other people don't have a good time. I worry about this, because narrative, as I've demonstrated in previous writing, matters more than anything. It's easy to spin this rhetoric and just stop asking questions about the need for a moment of empathy and reflection and that can lead to consequences. It may start as lobsters, but then it may shift to cats, dogs, dolphins, whales, and even people.
I have no business with slippery-slope arguments. Humans aren't going to eat people anytime soon (unless they taste good with butter I suppose, but then again what doesn't?). But fostering a lack of empathy can lead to real problems because it negates that suffering can exist in multiple forms. Once one stops caring about whether lobsters may be experiencing pain it might be easy to forget that people are dying in Syria, that the state of Israel acts like a bully and gets away with it, that women across the globe face regular sexual harassment, that workers in the meat industry tend to be illegal immigrants who are used and exploited and then quickly tossed aside once they become injured on the job, that in the united states there is a 14% illiteracy rate, and the list can go on until one becomes with numb to tragedy.
Consider the Lobster is an important essay because it asks the reader to perform a simple task: consider. This act can make people uncomfortable because most of the time people would rather not consider that their actions may be wrong, or, more appropriately, that the way of life that they're enjoying may be at the expense of another. But asking that question is a valuable endeavor because it can foster the behavior of self-reflection and empathy for other beings which is worth more than all the lobster in the world.
And besides, there's always bacon.
*Writer's Note*
All quotes from Consider the Lobster in this essay were quoted from the hardback Little, Brown & Company edition. However, if the reader is interested, I have also provided a link to the original article published on Gourmet's website. Enjoy:


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muncien wrote:Thinking out loud here...
But, I know many years ago I suggested that DART create a reduced/free fare area specific to the urban core that would allow DART rail to function more as a streetcar in that area, as it's very suitable to its design. Due to DART's existing fare structure, it actually discourages short trips and as a result hurts ridershio IMO.
The challenge was always with how to manage or enforce such a fare. If it were FREE, you could simply NOT check for passes while in the CBD (this is typically the case anyway). But FREE doesn't really sit well for many reasons.
With GoPass however... that changes things considerably. You could charge .50 or so, and even slightly expand the service area... Maybe from VP To DE and possibly City Place. They could easily restrict this type of fare to GoPass users, and even have it GPS enforced to disable the pass upon leaving the designated fare areas.
I think a little out-of-the-box thinking of these types of tools could increase DART ridership and help encourage GoPass adoption. As it stands now... I think ridesharing is cutting into short distance ridership quite a bit... particularly for the younger population.
WilCo wrote:
I wish we had a system like every other city I've been to with sophisticated mass transit where you just scan at a station and pay based on the distance you've traveled. That may be difficult to install logistically at this point. I can understand the difficulty given most of the stations are outside, however if I remember correct many of the San Francisco and Chicago train stations were outside too and had the same system.
DPatel304 wrote:Well, I guess it's good we don't have express trains then..haha. I had not considered how unfair it would be to certain paying cities of DART, and also how it would encourage even more sprawl up north, so, with that said, I'm thinking this isn't my best idea. I think, even with all the points outlined, I would still like to see an express train that goes from Downtown Fort Worth to Downtown Dallas at least. Seems like part of the long term HSR plan is to incorporate Fort Worth, but, because the distance is so short, I feel like we could accomplish almost the same thing with the existing trains if we made them an 'express' train.
I definitely agree with Cbdallas, in that we need more development around existing stations.
Cbdallas wrote:When all of the trains are full all day then that is when we start thinking about express trains. Until then lets focus on dense train station development and ridership first and one mile radius station pathway improvements.
electricron wrote:The easiest solution is to install a third track so the express train can see clear ahead lights the entire length of the corridor - so that it can actually go fast!
tanzoak wrote:electricron wrote:The easiest solution is to install a third track so the express train can see clear ahead lights the entire length of the corridor - so that it can actually go fast!
Great to have an ops perspective on express service as well! I just want to point out that you wouldn't have to have a third track along the entire corridor to get this benefit, though, as you could construct overtake locations where necessary.
muncien wrote:And you need a lot less 3rd track if it is installed along the stations that are 'skipped', since passing a stopped train is a lot easier than passing a train at speed. I'm sure some numbers people can work out exactly how many trains you can 'leap' during a given express run. I highly doubt it would be more than one or two... which could save you between 15-23 minutes during peak time.
dzh wrote:Are there any urban explorers out there that think they can get into any of these places? And if so, can provide pictures...
Also if parts of the infrastructure are already place, why wouldn't they think of connecting the existing DART along these paths as part of the D2 expansion?
tamtagon wrote:Is it too much to hope that enthusiastic partnerships will extend TRE to Kaufman County, using that subway plan?
DPatel304 wrote:
I know some sort of 'tap to pay' system was being discussion on this forum not too long ago, but sounds like it will be a reality sometime this year?
cowboyeagle05 wrote:Easily foiled as there is no authentication process and could be faked by simply showing a video at full screen to drivers who don't have time to fiddle with checking. I imagine I may have to start tapping just so they can authenticate my ticket and track usage data which would be much better for DART anyway. Also, I don't expect a bunch of people are faking their tickets based on their ridership numbers and the type of riders they attract to monthly passes so it's kinda a moot point.
lakewoodhobo wrote:The new GoPass App is out now, and so far it looks like a huge improvement. My 30-day pass transferred seamlessly to the new version and I can now see busses and trains moving on the map in real time. Also looking forward to paying with Touch ID.
Good job, DART.
The DART train doesn't stop at the Knox Street station.
It never did.
But back in the early 1990s when DART was starting its light rail system, an underground station was planned at Knox Street and North Central Expressway.
Robyn Kirk of Dallas asked Curious Texas if the regional transit system ever intends to complete the Knox Street station.
Currently there are no plans.
Her question caught the attention of Curious Texas, the ongoing project from The Dallas Morning News that invites you to put our reporters on the hunt of information. The idea is simple: You have questions, and our journalists track down answers.
The Knox Street station was one of two subway stops planned on the DART line between downtown and Mockingbird Station.
While the CityPlace/Uptown station was built, Knox Street would up just being a hole in the ground.
After neighborhood groups near Knox and Henderson Avenue protested construction of the Knox Station, DART officials agreed to delete the planned stop.
DART construction crews excavated a cavern that to house the Knox Station, but they never built out the station.
In 1999 a developer planning an office high-rise at Knox and North Central looked at completing the Knox subway stop, but plans for the project never got on track. And the money has never been available to do the construction.
The unbuilt Knox Street station is one of two underground train depots in Dallas that were abandoned.
Clair Crossland of Dallas asked Curious Texas about another unfinished subway station — this one downtown. She asked if a building on Pacific Street was required to have a multilevel sub-basement intended to be a DART subway station.
When developers planned downtown's 49-story 1700 Pacific skyscraper in the early 1980s, they constructed an underground chamber to house a subway station.
Back then the DART rail line through downtown was proposed as an underground route along Pacific Avenue. So the Canadian developer building 1700 Pacific — then called First City Centre — constructed an underground vault at Ervay Street and Pacific to house the station.
The builders contributed the huge underground chamber in return for the closure of a street through part of the block and other zoning concessions.
But DART's downtown line ended up on the surface a block away on Bryan Street.
And the underground station at 1700 Pacific is all but forgotten.
Owners of the skyscraper say the entrance is still covered by a metal trap door in the basement of the office tower.
"Maybe DART will add the planned route someday," Crossland said.
Plans for a second downtown DART line call for a subway on the south side of financial district.
After neighborhood groups near Knox and Henderson Avenue protested construction of the Knox Station, DART officials agreed to delete the planned stop.
Hannibal Lecter wrote:"A handful of people wish it was there now though."
If you took a poll of the folks who actually live in my neighborhood (Deep Ellum) you would find overwhelming support for closing the two Green Line stations due to the crime it brings and traffic congestion it causes.
About a week ago I saw a fire truck and MICU on an emergency run from Station 3 stuck on Malcolm X for 2 to 3 minutes because a train driver at the station had hit the button to lower the crossing gate, then got out of the train and walked to the other end of the train. They love to close the gates long before they leave the station. I see ambulances going to Baylor stuck on Hall Street all the time.
cowboyeagle05 wrote:Yet now it will never happen because to build it would mean shutting down the red and blue lines for months to build out the station. The neighborhood and developers wish it was there now though.
For DART and the neighborhood, it makes more sense to fund the streetcar extension to Knox Henderson than to try to build out the station.
cowboyeagle05 wrote:Yet now it will never happen because to build it would mean shutting down the red and blue lines for months to build out the station. The neighborhood and developers wish it was there now though.
For DART and the neighborhood, it makes more sense to fund the streetcar extension to Knox Henderson than to try to build out the station.
TNWE wrote:Between this and Matt777's proposed streetcar plan, I think DART could manage both for less than the additional costs of a fully underground D2. There's even enough left over for the DART board to take a field trip to Portland or Denver to see how street-level LRT can work.
electricron wrote:The DART board wouldn't have to fly to Portland or Denver to see how a street level LRT can work. There's the mall downtown right outside DART's headquarters building, there's Lancaster Road Blue Line segments, and there's the Orange Line segment in Irving's Las Colinas area where DART runs light rail trains within city streets.
But here's the rub, the streets are not owned by DART, they are owned by the cities. And if the city doesn't want light rail trains in specific streets, there will not be light rail in them. The City of Dallas wants the subway for D2 downtown, so it's a D2 subway or bust.
cowboyeagle05 wrote:I think it has more to do with the battle of Dallas VS the burbs.
Somewhere along the way, DART got more concerned with getting Plano and Addison to DFW Airport. The Dallas city council saw the D2 segment getting pushed further and further down the line and didn't want to wait another 20 years for transit growth in the inner city so DART could build an express route to the airport for what can come across as two suburbs. The underground vs street level part was a part of what came across as more proof of DART being more concerned with suburban transportation than the city of Dallas transit needs. The Dallas city council wanted to force DART to pay attention and spend what they perceived as appropriate funds and attention to inner city transit needs.
cowboyeagle05 wrote:Honestly, this has been DART biggest issue, well next to a terrible bus system. DART can see Dallas and the burbs as equal players on the field and try to add major projects that don't always appear to serve all the players. Dallas for awhile has played along as just another suburb by not trying to force more Dallas focused improvements. We obviously are the center in a wheel and spoke LRT system DART has been building out for decades so Dallas is still the biggest winner but like any child, we want more. The burbs certainly have plenty of economic will to hold DART to the fire on their needs as well. The reality that places like Legacy serves just as many employees as Downtown Dallas is a hard one to balance for DART when playing the local politics chess game. If we build Cotton Belt line will we have the flexibility to open new routes like streetcars or will DART be stuck trying to take care of too many babies screaming for transit attention all over the DART service area?
TNWE wrote:There are better, more impactful ways to spend $1.2 Billion besides a "look at us, we're a big city" subway for Dallas's insecure city council and DART board members...
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