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Spaz Studios Presents: "Substitute"
This is an important message from Spaztec robotics:
This just in! DPMs are the latest innovation and craze in the world of robotics!
They look like you, they talk like you, and they act like you. They practically are you!
DPMs are made in your image, and with the latest in neural scanning, we can essentially copy your memories and personality and program it into a body molded to look just like you. The uses for a DPM are unlimited!
You can send them to the store to do your shopping, send them to the in-laws while you stay home and watch sports, and we even have contracts with several businesses so they can even work for you while you go to school or live life to its fullest!
Go buy one today and start living life the way you want to!
Millions of people have enjoyed the benefits of the DPM class android! Here are a few of their stories:
"My DPM allowed me to go to school and get my degree!"
"Mine earned me money AND also managed to snare me a fantastic boyfriend!"
"My DPM allowed me to earn money while allowing me to do research in Egypt!"
"I was able to use mine as a stunt double in the movie I worked in!"
"Mine kept my wife company while I was away on business…and hers kept me company there,"
"Scheduled Maintenance"
Matt loved his job.
He got to perform maintenance on some of the most advanced robotics ever released, since the whole DPM craze drastically lowered the price of the average unit, since they were designed for everyone, rather than a select few.
Matt was a licensed maintenance technician with his own practice attached to the local Universal department store. In addition to fixing clients, he also maintained the DPMs that the store had employed.
As part of his fee for fixing the DPMs, he got to see some extraordinary individuals in robotic form, completely exposed.
Today, however, was a day he had been looking forward to all week. He made sure there were no other appointments the entire afternoon, just so he could have extra time with this one.
She was special.
At 3:00PM sharp, he was delighted to see her walk in.
"I'm DPM Sarah, reporting for scheduled maintenance," she said in a lovely, if not rehearsed voice.
"Hello Sarah, why don't you step on over so we can get started," he said, motioning her to his work area.
"Alright," she smiled, and she gracefully walked over to where he stood and then stood at attention a few feet in front of him, allowing him a perfect look at her body.
Sarah was a Caucasian woman in her early twenties, with straight neck-length, sandy brown hair, and blue eyes. Another feature she had that would make people think twice about her being an android was that she was short. Her height of 5"4 made her look tiny compared to Matt's 6"0.
Still, her height did not make her small, as she was still as busty as someone who was taller, though with her height it did give the false impression that she was overweight.
Although she was a DPM, she still got to buy and choose her wardrobe selection each day she was allotted to work. Today, she was wearing a black one piece dress, with intricate, see-through stockings, and calf-length boots.
"So Sarah, how have you been since your last scheduled maintenance?" Matt asked.
"I've been fine, I hear I've earned myself a few upgrades," she smiled.
"That's correct," Matt said, looking down at his report for her.
When DPMs are first contracted to work at a place, they are given basic programming to cover all the training a human would have to undergo in order to work there. This programming basically governs how they behave while they are working.
In Sarah's case, as a cashier, she would have to explain to each customer the benefits of the various reward and credit programs the company offered, and she would have to do it a certain way. That certain way, though, would be up to the personality donated…so needless to say, sometimes a donated personality just doesn't cut it and their contract is revoked.
After a time, if they perform well, or beyond expectations, they can receive upgrades to better assist them. In this case, the DPM Sarah elected to receive upgraded facial recognition software, so she could better assist repeat customers. The company was also throwing in a free upgrade for her speech recognition software as well, so she could more easily understand the slang that younger customers were using.
"So Sarah, is there anything you need me to fix, such as the servos in your feet, or the lumbar supports in your back?" he asked.
"The usual, standing up for several hours on end and doing repetitive tasks is quite taxing for a body such as mine," she laughed.
"I suppose you're right," Matt laughed, "I can't name names, but some of the DPMs in the MCA team would rather have your job,"
"I'll bet," she smiled.
"Anyway, you know the drill," Matt said then, and with an understanding nod, Sarah turned around and parted the hair at the back to reveal the back of her neck.
Not wasting any time, Matt pressed a small area of discoloration and then waited as the control panel opened just above it. Inside was a small diagnostic port so he could connect her to his maintenance terminal.
Instead of doing so, however, he pulled a small chip out of his pocket and inserted it into an empty port.
"I've detected a new device attached to my CPU, should I access it?" she asked.
"Yes," Matt said, eagerly rubbing his hands in anticipation, "and you can turn around as well," he added
"Alright," she said, turning around, "Accessing new device…device accessed…device contains a special personality configuration, should I integrate it?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
"Alright, integrating personality configuration…integration complete, rebooting," she said, and her head slumped down to her chest for several seconds before rising back up.
"DPM Mark II Sarah coming online…accessing host software…Universal host software loaded…loading special personality configuration…complete, all systems coming online," she said, and then she blinked.
"Wow, it's so good to see you again sweetie!" she smiled, stepping forward and giving Matt a hug.
"So good to see you too dear," he said, returning it.
Matt was actually dating the real Sarah, but because she wasn't able to completely pay for her DPM, the Universal company subsidized it by allowing portions of the paycheck to go to pay off the whole unit. The only trade-off, the DPM couldn't treat Matt as a friend, or even really know him.
Fortunately, the first upgrade she got for her excellent performance was a chip that could be sent to the real Sarah, who was currently attending medical school in another state, for her to update her memories every month and actually allow her DPM to act more like her during the monthly scheduled maintenance.
After they got over the euphoria of seeing each other for the first time in a month, they broke apart.
"So, how's school going for her?" Matt asked.
"Fine, she's actually learning a lot," Sarah said, "Though she does miss you," she added.
"Yeah, I can't wait 'till she gets the winter break off next month," Matt said.
"Me too," Sarah said.
"So, you ready for your upgrades?" Matt asked.
"I thought you'd never ask, this is my favorite part," she smiled.
"Mine too," Matt smiled back.
Sarah and Matt both had a thing for robots, and it was definitely included in the special configuration chip.
"Alright, turn around please," Matt said, and once she did so, he parted the hair at the back of her neck and this time pressed a small freckle. The moment he did so, her body froze up and a seam appeared around her neck just below the freckle.
"I always love this part," she said, her voice sounding digital now that she was no longer using her bodies vocal systems.
"Yeah, big turn on," Matt agreed, lifting her head off her neck and turning it around to face him. It never ceased to amaze him how lifelike these DRMs were. Even up close, and with her head detached, he could not tell that her lovely face was synthetic, or that behind those blue eyes were two ultra-sophisticated camera lenses.
"Well, you gonna get started already," she said, smiling at the way he was scrutinizing her.
"Oh, of course," he said, blushing a little as he walked her head over to a device near his computer labelled ANA, Artificial Neck Apparatus.
He slowly brought her head over the device and it attached to the bottom of her neck so perfectly that it appeared to be a part of her neck. Once he was sure she was connected, he activated the device and then activated the program on his computer that controlled the device.
"New connection established with diagnostic terminal," Sarah said in a monotone before returning to normal and saying, "I love it when I lose control like that!"
"Same here, now I'm going to start the diagnostic on you while I perform maintenance on your body," he said.
"Alright, and while it's running, I'll tell you some stories Sarah programmed into me," she smiled.
"Good," he said, and he started the diagnostic which, although taxing, would not interfere with her cognitive programs.
While she started telling him some stories the real Sarah had while at nursing school, Matt slowly started removing the clothing from her headless body. Once the dress and bra was off, he sat it down and removed the boots and stockings before finally removing her panties.
Fortunately Matt had actually seen the real Sarah naked on numerous occasions, and he was still amazed at how much her DPM resembled her. If her overall size and body shape were not enough, there were freckles and blemishes in the same locations, and even a birthmark on her lower back. She also had a true hourglass shape, so when she moved around, her hips swayed while her arms seemed to do something else entirely.
The one thing the DPMs didn't do was sweat, so her body was perfectly dry despite it being in a room heated by all the electronics. Even though they don't sweat, they do produce the same basic smells as the donor, so it still smelled like the real Sarah, even down to her choice of perfume.
After looking over her lovely body for any damage in her synthetic skin, he made her body sit down in a nearby chair while he opened up various access panels on her torso, arms, and legs.
"Wow Sarah, what did you do to stress out your back servos?" Matt asked as he worked inside the back panel.
"Oh, a customer had me get a large stroller down from a shelf," she said, still able to access memories from working as well as from her donor.
"Well, next time have an MCA do it, you almost blew it," he said, pulling out a damaged servo, causing the body to violently twitch.
"Sorry," she said, a blush forming on her face.
After he finished fixing the servos in her back, he moved down to her legs and fixed the stressed servos that controlled her lower legs and feet. He actually had to remove her perfect size 6 feet to repair the damaged, but with his foot fetish, he would have done it anyway. After fixing the stress issues, he pressed both foot bottoms into his face and breathed in the artificial scent of light foot odor.
"Enjoying yourself?" she laughed, watching him from the desk as he rubbed a solution on her feet which repaired the minor stress damage caused to her skin by her standing on her feet for hours on end.
"Oh yeah," he replied, reattaching her feet and walking back over to her head.
"Good, so how am I?" she asked, since the diagnostic had just finished.
"Perfect, all systems functioning within defined parameters," he said, reading the report verbatim.
"Good, now for the upgrades," she said.
"Alright," he said, and he turned the ANA around so he could access her head panel, where he pressed a pink button, which caused her scalp to disconnect from her head.
"Wow, this feels weird every time," she said.
"I'll bet," he said, putting the scalp panel with her long hair still attached on a nearby table and then peering inside her open head at all the marvelous tech which allowed her head to work, as well as her CPU array.
Bundled to her CPU array was a set of sub-processors designed to process each of the five senses. Since he was upgrading her facial recognition, he headed to her ocular sub-processor and removed a small chip with a pair of special tweezers.
"Hardware removed" Sarah said in a monotone.
"Don't worry, I'm about to correct that," he said, putting the old chip down and picking a new one up. Once he had it plugged in, she said "New hardware detected…facial recognition updated," she said.
"Well, how does it look?" he asked her.
"Awesome, looks like I'll be able to remember more people by their faces now," she said.
"Good, now for your speech recognition," he said, and he did the same thing with her auditory sub-processor.
"Wow, thanks Matt, I feel much better now," Sarah said, after he had reattached her scalp and her head to her body.
"Don't mention it," he said.
"So, how much time do we have left?" she asked slyly.
"Plenty," he said, getting her drift.
"Excellent, let's get started then," she smiled, and once he made sure his work room was locked, he and her engaged in a healthy round of sex.
Once they were finished, he had her take a quick shower to clean herself up and then he regrettably told her that he had to take her out.
"Well Matt, it was fun and I'm sure the videos I took will please Sarah," Sarah said, back in her clothes again.
"I'm sure they will too," Matt said.
"Well, see you next month," she said, giving him a kiss.
"Yeah," he said, giving her a kiss and hug in return.
"Alright, best not to drag this out," she said, turning around and parting the hair at the back of her neck.
"Okay," he said, and he opened her panel and removed the chip.
"Special configuration removed, rebooting into standard configuration," she said, and her head slumped down for a few seconds before rising back up again.
"Ah, is my maintenance complete?" she asked, back to her work self.
"Yes Sarah, though at this hour, you may as well head to your charging station," Matt said, tucking the chip into an envelope he planned on mailing out the next day.
"Thanks Matt, I look forward to my next scheduled maintenance," she smiled, and then she headed out of the room.
"Me too," Matt said, attaching a device to his temples and laying back for a few minutes.
Once the devices were finished, he removed a chip from them and added it to the envelope.
"I hope she's enjoying my DPM as much as I am hers," he said, whistling to himself as he sealed the envelope and then headed into the shower.
"Have the DPMs made us lazy?"
"Hi, my name is Clarence Jade, host of Tech News Now!"
"I'm here with an important person who has been heralding the arrival of the DPM class androids as the end of society as we know it," he said to the camera. "Please welcome my guest, Cornelius Wedge!" he said.
-Recording of applause-… -Applause slowly faded as Cornelius sits down.
"Alright, now people have been calling you a doomsayer since you started speaking out against the first model of DPMs, now that we are on the second major model, your cries have been getting louder, why is that?" Clarence asked.
"Well, in a nutshell, DPMs are making humans lazy, by doing the work for us," he said.
"I see, but the main point of DPMs are so that people can continue their education or studies without also having to worry about the stress of working," Clarence said, "Also, only a limited array of companies have accepted the DPMs into their work force with others adamantly refusing to ever do so,"
"Yes, and some people are legitimately using them for that purpose and are moving on from their DPMs into their fields, but I am not crying out for the present, but for the future," Cornelius said, "Even as we speak, the DPM model III is being developed and when it is released, it is going to blow our minds with how real they are…they'll even be able to think past their programming," he said.
"Sounds like an improvement," Clarence said.
"Perhaps, but with the improved ability to think, what is to stop them from having a catastrophic malfunction which causes them to kill their donor in order to live their life?" Cornelius said, "believe me, it is possible since we are basically creating artificial copies of real people…that's real people with real character flaws, real fallacies, and real emotions such as jealousy and rage," he said.
"Wow, well you've certainly given us much to think about, you folks at home can read much more in his book!" Clarence said, as the lights faded with the applause.
Siri was very excited.
She was a huge fan of the DPMs, and when she got a call from the company that built them that they wanted her to test their latest product, she immediately headed over to their headquarters, the Spaztec Temple, where she was now sitting in the lobby.
"Siri Todd?" a man's voice called out from the other end of the lobby.
"That's me!" she nearly screamed, jolted from her thoughts.
"I can see," he said, smiling at her energy, "follow me"
"You here to show me my new DPM?" she asked, getting up and following him out of the lobby and into an elevator.
"Yes, you are one of the first people to beta-test the new DPM mark III," he said, pressing a button labelled B2.
"Am I?, I'm honored," she said, "I'm a big fan, my friends and I all have them," she said.
"Glad to hear my product is so popular," he said.
"Your product?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm the one who developed them, and I've been steadily improving my work, with the help of testers like you," he said, getting off the elevator and walking down a walkway.
"Thanks, that means a lot to me to help you create something so awesome," she said.
"Well, here we are," he said, opening the door to a room that was made to look like an average sized bedroom. There was a bed, a closet, and where the window was, there was a one way mirror.
"Is this where I will see it?" she asked, getting more excited.
"Yes, we thought the bedroom setup would make you feel more comfortable, and we will be watching from the other side of the glass," he said.
"Okay," she said, though that had already been mentioned to her in the disclaimer.
"Alright, so I'll stay in here for a while to introduce some of the new features, and then I'll leave you alone with your new DPM," he said, taking a remote out of his pocket.
"Alright," Siri said, containing her excitement,
"Well Siri, here's your new DPM," he said, pressing a button on the remote.
The second the button was pressed, a section of the room lifted out from the rest and then rotated around before stopping and going back in. On the new section of floor was an exact copy of Siri, even wearing the same clothes.
Siri was a girl in her mid-twenties. She was a Caucasian and Asian mix with wild black, punk rocker hair with bangs coming down nearly to her eyes. She was of average height for a woman, somewhere around 5"7 and had hazel colored eyes. Both she and her doppelganger were wearing Converse shoes with ankle socks, and blue jeans. They were also wearing matching long sleeve blue waffle shirts with a red undershirt, and the same scarf.
"Wow, you even got the same clothes!" Siri screamed, quickly walking over to her new DPM and getting a closer look.
"Yeah, that's why we asked for a picture of your favorite outfit," the man smiled.
"She looks just like me, but so did my Mark II…is there anything different with the way you make the skin?" she asked, carefully poking her copies face and feeling the skin.
"The skin on the mark IIs was very refined, all we did with the Mark IIIs was refine it further to make it more cost-effective…what we did change is now she can sweat, thus making her look and feel even more real while she is active," he said.
"Cool, that's the one thing that always bugged me…her looking so dry when working out with me," Siri said, feeling her copies hair.
"Yeah, we've also improved the processing power of the CPU so she will be able to perform a little better," he said.
"Good, can I turn her on now?" Siri asked.
"Do you have her updated chip?" he asked.
"Well, plug it in and then you can try her out," he said.
"Alright," she said, and she opened the head panel at the back of her copies head and attached a chip to an empty port before closing the panel.
"Siri, one other thing I should mention…a new feature we added was voice control, that way you can control your DPM without having to open a panel or find the remote," the man said, seeing her about to press the activation switch behind the left ear.
"Really, that's cool," she said, "Does it work even when she is off?"
"Yes, go ahead…your voice is the only one that can control her, but you can add other users whenever you like," he said.
"Alright, here goes then," she said, rubbing her hands together, "Siri-bot, turn on," she said.
"Prototype DPM Siri preparing for first time activation…loading all systems…systems loaded, now starting A.I. Siri," her DPM said, before closing its eyes. When they reopened, they focused on Siri and then she smiled.
"Hello Siri, I'm your DPM Mark III prototype, I can do anything you can do, and can do it whenever you like," Siri-bot said, smiling with her pre-programmed first greeting.
"Hi, I'm so excited to meet you," Siri said.
"I'm excited to be you," Siri-bot said.
"Well, if you two are alright, I'm going to head out…remember, I'll be on the other side of that glass observing," he said, and after a double nod, he curtly headed out and left them alone.
"So Siri-bot, did they program some of the memories from my Mark II into you?" Siri asked.
"Yes," Siri-bot said.
"Good, so do you feel any different?" Siri asked.
"Oh yes, my brain is much faster now, and I can feel some perspiration forming on my lower back and feet," Siri-bot said.
"Cool, can I see?" Siri asked.
"Sure, take a look," Siri-bot said, turning around and lifting up the back of her shirt.
"Wow, you really are sweating…cool, now maybe the folks at your work will think it is really me now," Siri said, feeling the moisture on her DPMs back and then wiping her hand off on her shirt.
"Yeah," Siri-bot agreed, "So, you wanna try out some of my new features?" she asked.
"Sure, he told me you have voice controls," Siri said.
"Yep, they are basic controls that allow you to turn me on or off, make me freeze in place, put me in standby, or use voice command to cause my various panels to open," Siri-bot explained.
"Cool, are you still aware when you are frozen?" Siri asked.
"No, it's just a way to pause me without the trouble of putting me in standby which takes longer," Siri explained, "You can also pose me, as my limbs can still be moved if you do it carefully," she added.
"I see, well I think I'll start with that," Siri said.
"Alright, just say freeze after my name," Siri-bot said.
"Alright, Siri-bot freeze," Siri said.
The second the words left Siri's lips, Siri-bot froze in her current stance, which was standing straight up, staring directly at Siri with her hands on her hips.
"Wow, that was cool!" Siri said, walking forward and getting an extreme close-up of her DPMs frozen face, which looked as though it could start moving at any moment. After she waved her hand in front of her duplicate's face, she grabbed hold of the left arm and lifted it from the waist and posed it into an outstretched position so she could examine the hand.
"Extraordinary!" Siri mused, moving the fingers around and noticing the small amounts of moisture that had formed in the palm of the hand she was examining.
After posing the other arm, and slightly bending the knees, Siri finally stepped back and said "Siri-bot unfreeze,"
Siri-bot instantly started moving, noting the difference in her position and smiling, "Did you have fun?" she asked.
"Yes," Siri said, blushing a little.
"Do you wannna see the rest of me now?" Siri-bot said with a suggestive glance downwards at the rest of her body.
"Oh, yes of course," Siri said, blushing some more.
"Alright," Siri-bot smiled, and she slowly started disrobing until she stood before her donor completely naked.
"Wow, we look beautiful," Siri said, admiring her DPM as she would herself in a mirror. She admired her perfectly shaved pussy and her larger end of the B range breasts.
"I can't believe you haven't found yourself a man yet," Siri-bot said, turning around so Siri could see her backside.
"I know," Siri said, walking forward and feeling her double's breasts and vagina and admiring the realism that carried over from the Mark II…she still shuddered at the feel of the Mark I, which was a more plastic feel.
She noted they were able to add more of the minute details, such as small body hairs, and the glistening of the skin caused by the perspiration. It also wasn't very often a person could actually see themselves in this fashion, so she appreciated every second she felt and examined her DPMs gorgeous body, because it was like exploring her own. She even smelled the scent of her own perspiration mixed with her usual floral perfume.
"Well, what do you think?" Siri-bot asked, once Siri finished.
"You're amazing!" she said, Siri said, stepping back and nodding in approval.
"Thanks," Siri-bot said, now blushing herself.
Seeing herself blush, Siri suddenly felt something stirring in herself. On an impulse, she suddenly moved forward and planted a kiss on her DPM's lush lips.
When she pulled away, she saw a look of confused pleasure in her own face, which only helped to accentuate the feelings she was now experiencing.
"You have the same sexual capabilities, right?" Siri asked, suddenly desiring to have sex with her own DPM.
"Yes, with a few enhancements," Siri-bot nodded.
"Good," Siri said, and she quickly tore off all her clothes and then grabbed her double's shoulders and guided her to the bed.
Once at the bed, Siri had her DPM lay down while she began teasing her copies realistic vagina.
As Siri-bot moaned in pleasure, Siri began feeling the area get wet, and she also detected an unusual smell. After sniffing around, she discovered it was the lubricant coming from her DPM, except it was endowed with a scent of cherries.
Once Siri-bot was warmed up, they switched positions and gave Siri exactly the same treatment.
As they began testing out several positions, they both experienced more pleasure than they ever thought possible. It was almost like a forbidden fruit fantasy, incest fantasy, except instead of messing around with another family member, they were fucking themselves.
They were enjoying themselves until suddenly Siri jerked around.
"Siri, are you okay?" Siri-bot asked, getting concerned.
"Oh yes, I'm fine…click…I'm fine," she said, her neck twisting unnaturally as she continued pleasuring her DPM.
"Are you sure?" Siri-bot asked, since Siri's movements were becoming more and more uncontrolled.
"I'm not sure, I seem to have lost control of my boo.oo.ooooo.d.yyyyyy," she said, the last bit coming out in a digital tone.
"Oh my god Siri, you're an android too?!" Siri-bot screamed, getting out of the bed and watching the spectacle with horror.
"No, I'm human…I'm human…human…error, critical error in primary logic systems," she said, still tweaking out on the bed, "Critical error in primary sleeper systems, all systems shutting dowwwwwn," she said, and she slowly wound down as her double stared down at her from next to the bed.
Before the DPM could do anything though, the door suddenly burst open and another Siri walked in, saying, "Siri shut down,"
"DPM Siri shutting down," she said, her head slumping down and her body locking into its upright position.
"Well Siri, looks like your HRM project didn't go too well," the man said, coming in after her.
"I can see that," she said, walking over to the bed and opening a panel in the HRM Siri's abdomen, "I think it was just a minor bug," she said, running a quick diagnostic on a tablet she plugged in.
"Interesting, what are you going to call this one?" he asked, running a diagnostic on the DPM Siri.
"Hmmmm, how about the Narcissus bug?" she asked.
"Very good," he said, and then they both broke into laughter as they had a pair of technicians wheel both units out for further testing.
HRMs, or Human Replacement Models, are a planned branch of the DPM line. They contain the same enhancements as the DPMs, with a few extras since they are intended to replace real humans who have died untimely, unnatural deaths.
While a promising model line, development is currently frozen due to the legal issues regarding bringing a person back to life in an android body.
- Possible future anthology theme
Greg visited the same coffee shop every day that he ran errands. When he saw a new girl working there one day that he found attractive, he took a few weeks to muster up the courage to even ask her a little about herself.
She was a young woman in her early twenties and was quite tall for a girl, probably pushing six-foot to his five-eleven and she had a large, but not fat, body type. She had pale skin, but a slightly foreign look about her despite her being Caucasian. She had long, thick curly dark brown hair which fell past her. She also had green eyes which lit up her face.
Greg himself was not too shabby. He was in his mid-twenties and had a kind subtly handsome face framed by sandy brown hair and lit up by hazel eyes. He was not skinny, nor was he fat. He was actually quite fit looking.
He found out her name was Sabrina, and she was an American born from Mexican parents.
When he finally gathered up enough courage to ask her out on a date, he discovered that he was actually talking to a DPM. Fortunately, she was quite friendly. She said she found him cute and that she might consider telling her donor about him if he sent his own DPM to have a date with her.
Agreeing instantly, he asked her what time she would be getting off the next day, and if that time would be good for her. When she said yes, she gave him the time, 3:00pm, and then she returned to work with a backward glance at him.
With the place and time set, he ran home and got his own DPM ready to represent him. He got him groomed, cleaned, and upgraded with the latest software and brain scans.
The next day, he gave his DPM a pep talk to go over everything, such as deal breakers, however since his DPM had the same knowledge he did, it was more to get nerves out of the way.
DPM Greg went to the coffee shop at the exact time DPM Sabrina said she would be getting off. When he got there, he found her already sitting down at a secluded table in the corner with drinks already ordered, since she remembered the drink the real Greg had ordered the previous times.
"Hello DPM Sabrina, I'm DPM Greg," DPM Greg introduced himself as he approached the table.
"Hello DPM Greg, my donor was pleased to hear of your donor's interest in us and she has given me as long as I wish to evaluate whether your donor would be a fine match for my donor," DPM Sabrina said.
"Excellent, may I be seated?" Greg asked.
"Of course, I also took the liberty of getting us drinks," she said, pushing his peppermint mocha across the table to where he was seated.
"That was very thoughtful of you, thanks!" he said, taking a sip and feeling more comfortable.
"It's amazing, this feeling, don't you think?" she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Which feeling?" he asked.
"The feelings of nervousness from our donors, mixed with the feeling of calm from our programming," she said.
"Yes, my donor would probably be stuttering and shaking," Greg laughed.
"Same here," Sabrina smiled, "So, why don't we get started…what do you find attractive about me?" she asked.
"Everything," he said, "I like the color of your eyes and the way they light up your lovely face. I like the way your hair perfectly frames your face. I like the way you are big and tall without being too skinny or too fat. I like how you have such small teeth," he said, "Like I said, I like everything about you, including the way you can make me laugh" he said.
"Thanks," she said with a hint of a blush, "I like the way you look at me. I like that you laughed at the puns I used the few times we chatted, even though they weren't that funny. I also like the kindness in your face," she said.
"Thanks," he said, his turn to blush.
"So, is there anything you'd like to know about me?" she asked.
"Yes, are you religious?" he asked.
"Atheist," she replied, "You?"
"Atheist as well," he said, looking visibly relieved.
"Good," she said, relieved as well.
"What did you study in school?" he asked, "what career do you have, or want to have?" he added.
"My donor is actually still in school, though she is nearly done," Sabrina said, "She is studying for her Master's in Psychology and she wants to be a profiler for the FBI," she finished.
"Impressive," Greg nodded in approval, "My donor finished school with his Master's in Criminology and is currently training to work at the local police station as a data analyst,"
"Nice, so that means he gets to work a normal 40-hour week?" She asked.
"Yep, he could have been a field agent, but that would mean he would have very little free time and he has a desire to have a family," he explained.
"I see, Sabrina wants a family too…but she isn't sure if being a profiler would mean she would have to travel around a lot," she said.
"I think she can get a post at the local field office," he said, "he was also interested in a job at the FBI, and still is," he said.
"I'll have to tell her that," Sabrina said, "So what does your donor have you do now that you aren't allowed to work for him?"
"He has me run some errands for him, and help him with the chores around the house," he said.
"Oh, I guess that's what I have to look forward to in a few months," she said.
"Yeah, so what kinds of shows and movies do you watch?" Greg asked, getting things back on track.
"Science fiction, action, adventure…the usual," she shrugged.
"Same here, especially Yes, We're Live on Saturday nights," he said.
"Oh, I love that show too," Sabrina said.
"I'm not sure I like the new cast members," Greg said, getting real comfortable with the turn of the conversation.
"Neither do I," she said.
"So, do you have any family?" Greg asked.
"Yeah, my parents and two little brothers," she said, "They live a few miles away in the next town," she added.
"Nice, I have three brothers. Two older, one younger," he said.
"You get along with them at all?" she asked.
"Kind of, they're family," he shrugged, "Though I'm the only one who has embraced the use of DPMs, the others are still stubborn in sticking to the past," he said.
"My donor's parents weren't pleased with her getting me," Sabrina said, "They thought she was just lazy, but they mellowed out a little when they saw how well she was able to focus in school," she added, moving in a little closer to him.
"Same here," Greg said, getting the hint and moving in and planting a kiss on her lush lips, which she returned.
"So, do you want to go somewhere more private now to move to the next step of this?" Sabrina asked, pulling away from him a few seconds later, he cheeks rosy.
"Yes, my donor procured a DPM meeting room nearby," Greg said, "If that is alright with you," he offered.
"It is, let's go," she said, and they both got up and walked out of the shop together.
DPM meeting rooms are basically repurposed hotels designed for DPMs to meet and evaluate one another in private to see if their donors would be compatible with each other.
DPM Greg and DPM Sabrina checked in to their room in the nearby meeting place for standard time of three hours.
"Wow, I never thought I'd be taken to a place like this," Sabrina said, putting her bag down and settling in.
"Me neither," Greg said, putting his stuff down next to hers and joining her in the small seating area near the window.
"So, do you want to get started now?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
"Alright, I'll give you the usual five-minutes of free looking with my clothes on," she said, standing up in front of him.
"Okay," he said, and then she straightened up and said "Entering five-minute demonstration mode," and she froze with a generic smile on her face.
Knowing he only had five minutes to touch or get close-ups of any visible part of her body, he immediately got started with her face.
He was entranced with the photogenic pose her face had frozen in; a nice smile. He leaned in really close and looked at her eyes, admiring the green color. He then tweaked her large nose and then let his fingers feel the entirety of her lush lips before gingerly opening them and peeking at her small teeth.
After her face, he grabbed a few locks of her thick curly hair and felt it with his fingers, and smelled the fruity conditioner that she used.
Finishing up with her hair, and moved on to her chest. She was wearing a simple three-quarter sleeve black shirt suitable for working in a typical work place. It had a low cut neck, so he was able to see quite a bit below her neckline leading almost to her bosom. He admired the few freckles that were present in the areas he could see, and after copping a feel, he could tell her breasts were at least in the C range.
"Nice," Greg said approvingly, now moving to her arms and manipulating her right arm so he could get a better look at her hand. Her hands were another thing he liked about her appearance, because they were very womanly instead of girly. They were not so scrawny the bones were showing, and the wrinkles were very pronounced at each joint.
He noted that she had painted her nails, which was one of the things his donor didn't necessarily like or approve of, but was not a deal breaker.
Now more than halfway through his five minutes, he felt her stomach and back through her shirt, as well as her large buttocks.
As he neared the end of his time and got down to her feet, which were still in her flats. He could tell she was wearing no socks, and that she had very large feet; most likely size 10. He wished he had asked her to remove her shoes first.
Knowing his time was about to be up, he stood back up and waited.
"Demonstration mode complete," she said, coming back to life and looking at him, "So, how did you enjoy your tour of my body?" she asked.
"You look very nice, but…" he said.
"What is it?" she asked.
"My donor has a foot fetish, do you think you could remove your shoes so I can examine your feet?" he asked.
"Hmmm, I won't remove them, but I'll let you do it for me," she said with a sly smile, sitting back down.
"Thanks," Greg said sitting down opposite her as she extended her legs onto his lap.
"Don't mention it," she smiled, watching as he grabbed her shoes and carefully removed them from her large feet.
"Wow, you have big feet," he said, putting her shoes down on the floor and looking closer at both her large feet.
"Yeah, well I'm a large girl so I guess I need large feet to support all of me," she joked.
"Yeah," he laughed, gently feeling both foot bottoms. Since they were both Mark IIIs, they both produced the same sweat and smells as their donor, and DPM Sabrina had been standing on her feet most of the day, so they were quite most and aromatic.
Her toenails, like her fingernails, were also painted. But unlike the red she chose for her fingers, her toenails were painted black.
After he spent a few minutes closely examining both her lovely feet, he nodded in approval and lifted them off his lap so she could put them back on the floor.
"Well?" she asked.
"Your feet are perfect…I'm sure my donor will appreciate them," he said.
"Good, now are you ready to give me five minutes?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, standing up, "Is there anything you'd like me to do before I start?" he asked.
"Hmmm," she said, putting a thinking expression on her pretty face, "Would you mind removing your shirt?" she asked with a hopeful expression.
"Sure," he smiled, and he removed the light jacket he was wearing, as well as the t-shirt underneath it.
Considering his donor wasn't planning on doing any field work for the police or FBI, he still had a pretty well-toned body. He had a loosely defined six-pack and well developed muscles in his upper body.
"Thanks, you can get started now," she said.
"Okay," he smiled, and then he accessed his controls and set himself for a five minute demonstration mode.
"My turn," Sabrina smiled, and she got started on him.
She ended up doing much of the same stuff he did to her. Though when she got to his chest, she spent extra time examining his muscle development, including flexing his arms and feeling his biceps. The last thing she did was cup his crotch before waiting for the last few seconds to tick away.
"Demonstration mode complete," he said, five minutes later, his mind coming back online. He could tell she had moved his arms around, but not anything else.
"Well, what did you think?" he asked.
"You look very nice, and surprisingly muscly…I thought you weren't going to be a field agent," she said, sitting back down.
"Well, I ran track and cross country in school, so it got me pretty well cut," he said, sitting down with her.
"Oh, I see," she said, "Is your donor still running?" she asked.
"A little, not nearly as much now that he isn't doing to for competition," he said.
"Of course," she agreed, "So you ready for the next step?" she asked with a smile.
"Absolutely," he said, and they both stood back up and began removing the rest of their clothing.
Once they both stood in front of one another completely naked, they both spent a few moments admiring one another's appearance.
Sabrina's pale skin color was present throughout her body, with a random arrangement of freckles and blemishes. Apparently, her donor didn't get out much. Her breasts were truly in the C range, looking quite perfect on her despite her large body type. She had neatly trimmed pubic hair leading the way to her perfect vagina. Greg looked even better completely nude as well. His legs were even more developed than his mid-section was, and he had a modest size penis which was standing at attention in the presence of Sabrina.
"Well, shall we get started?" Greg offered.
"Yes," she said, and she moved in and began making out with him.
As they both began kissing and feeling one another's naked bodies, they slowly made their way over to the bed were they then began getting into a few sexual positions. Once Greg was ready, he slowly inserted himself into her welcoming vagina and began pumping up and down, feeling waves of pleasure coursing through his body as he panted in rhythm and felt the sweat rolling down his back.
Sabrina was clearly enjoying it too, as she slowly started moaning in rhythm which then grew to loud pants.
Moments later, both their orgasms arrived simultaneously and they both collapsed into one another in ecstasy.
When they finally recovered from the waves of pleasure rolling over them, they both rolled over and looked into one another's eyes.
"You were really good," Sabrina said, leaning in and giving him a kiss.
"Thanks, so were you," he said, returning it with a blush.
A few minutes later, when they were fully recovered, they climbed out of the bed and sat down in the chairs.
"So, how would you evaluate me?" Greg asked, "Do you think your donor would like to date mine?"
"You are really good," she said, "You are about to have a steady job, you are athletic, good looking, kind, we share certain interests, and you are good in bed,"
"Thanks, so are you," he smiled.
"I don't see any reason why our donors wouldn't get along, even to the point of marriage," she said.
"Same here," he agreed.
"Well then, our business here is concluded," Greg said, standing up, "Would you like to join me for a quick shower?" he asked.
"Sure," she said, and she got up and followed him to the bathroom where the enjoyed a hot shower.
Once they were out, they got dressed and addressed one another.
"I need to head home and recharge now, I'm sure my donor is also eager to hear from me," Greg said.
"Same here," she agreed.
"I hope our donors do get together," he added, "That way we can see each other again," he said.
"Yeah," she smiled knowingly.
"Well, until then," he said, leaning in and giving her a kiss.
"Until then," she agreed, returning it with a hug.
When they finally broke apart, they gathered their things and then headed out together to tell their donors how the date went.
"Convenience…or exploitation?"
"Hello everyone, I'm Clarence Jade, sitting down with renowned philosopher and researcher Demetrius Constantine," Clarence said, once the fake applause ended.
"Hello Clarence, glad to be here today," Demetrius said, absently brushing his long beard.
"So, you have been making quite the claim, that we have essentially created a new slave race with our DPMs, could you explain this?" Clarence asked.
"Of course," he obliged, "These DPMs look like us, they act like us, and they have all of our memories and personality, yet we make them do all the work while we do the things we want to do…now think to yourself, what would you do if you had to go through the same ordeal?" he asked.
"Well, I wouldn't be too happy, but it is my impression the DPMs are programmed to be happy to help out their donors," Clarence said.
"Perhaps, but everyone is different…it is already common knowledge that some DPMs just don't work out in the jobs they have to do, because their donated personality is that of someone who is lazy, rude, or privileged," Demetrius said.
"But still, the programming protects anyone who comes in contact with it," Clarence said.
"Yes, but programming can be changed, or even fail," he countered, "What if a massive virus were to be created and all the DPMs suddenly revolted?" he asked.
"Interesting thought, that and more after the break!" Clarence said.
"Rules regarding DPMs"
Aside from the usual rules of robotics, here are the rules regarding the DPM class android: • They must look like their donor. They are required to have their appearances updated at a designated facility every 6-months. • They must have the personality of the donor they resemble. No putting another person's personality in them, unless for recreational purposes. • They may only work at a cooperating business for as long as their donor is in school and/or unemployed. Once the donor gets a job in their career, the DPM must quit. • Their personality must be updated at least once a month. • They may not work more than a regular human can, per union rules. • They may only fill in for you in your career job if you are: Sick, at a funeral, or dead (So they can finish up your work before submitting themselves for termination)


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subset: commoncrawl


text:
S05E10 - Glyph Hanger
un épisode de la Saison 5 de Power Rangers
Divatox's former fiance, Pharaoh, comes to town. His magical staff falls into Adam's hands, when he believes it to be a prop at his Egyptian stunt-show. It begins turning every sign nearby into hieroglyphics! Divatox plants a pyramid-shaped detonator at the stunt show, which blends in with all the props, and if that weren't bad enough, has an electrified force-field around it! Meanwhile, the Bulk & Skull Chimps are inspired by the hieroglyphics, and attempt to show everyone they're humans by painting drawings.


text:
Last year the government introduced a national strategy and an action plan to address this evil. The plan is now being implemented; new counselling centres and shelters for victims are established and information campaigns and measures have been introduced to raise awareness about the problem and to help its victims. Last month an important milestone in this work was reached by the establishment of a counselling and coordination centre to enhance the work for prevention and elimination of violence in line with the recommendations of the Council of Europe (Istanbul Convention).
Domestic and gender-based violence is a violation of fundamental human rights - recognized by all member states of the Council of Europe, and by the Charter of Fundamental Rights of the European Union. Although recognised; it still is a grave problem and a challenge for all European countries, including my own. It cuts across all levels of society in every European country, at huge social and financial costs. Although pervasive, it still is largely invisible and sustained by a culture of silence and shame, and often not reported.
A survey of the 28 EU member countries published by the European Fundamental Rights Agency last spring confirms the high incidence of such violence in European households. An estimated 13 million women in the EU had experienced physical violence in the course of the 12 months prior to the survey. The study also showed that it is not easy to get rid of violence in close relations even if our governments implement good laws and measures. Laws and action plans have to be supported and followed up by all actors of the society; from state to regional, municipal and local, to voluntary and non-governmental organisations and individual citizens. We all have to join hands to fight this evil by providing crisis help, protecting the victims, addressing the causes and consequences of such violence, and minimizing its impact.
Shared challenges in European countries require shared solutions and multilateral cooperation, and that is why fighting domestic and gender-based violence has been, and is, an important programme area within our Norway grants in all beneficiary countries, so also here in Slovakia. In the grant scheme for 2009-2014 more than 8 million euro is earmarked for support for a specific program on combatting domestic and gender-based violence in Slovakia, in addition to financial support provided to such projects via the Fund for Non-Governmental Organisations. The aim of the programme is to help create a network of safe houses and counselling centres that can provide easily accessible and qualified services to those in need all over Slovakia. Existing centres will be reinforced and new centres and shelters made, alongside activities for awareness raising, education and training.
The activities will be coordinated and supervised by the Coordination Centre and I trust that the enhanced capacity and new measures implemented will be effective in addressing the degrading and painful situation that violated and abused women and girls in different parts of the country are experiencing.
We all agree that these human rights abuses have to stop. For this to happen; we do not only need the appropriate institutions and legal frameworks, we need the active involvement of the public as well as private institutions and people. We need awareness raising and advocacy. We need to encourage women to tell their stories about abuse and violence. We need to protect them and help them to cope with the effects of such violence, and we need to confront the perpetrators with legal actions.
Pooling of expertise and exchange of knowledge is instrumental in tackling these challenges. I am therefore pleased that there is close cooperation between Slovak and Norwegian institutions in this important programme and I am confident that we, with our combined efforts, will improve the situation and be able to provide better services to the victims.
By Inga Magistad, the Ambassador of Norway to Slovakia
19. May 2015 at 8:05


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The Penis sleeve from Kokos is available in many different kinds. These sleeves go around the penis. Your penis becomes much thicker because of that. Because the material is stretchable, the penis sleeve stays in its place.small spikes sleeve has little spikes on the exterior of the sleeve, the inside is just like the other sleeves structureless.
The material the sleeves are made out of, are the same as where the onaholes from Kokos are made out of, so it feels nice and soft and is not extremely stretchable.
How do you use the Penis Sleeve?
You put the Small Spikes sleeve on when the Penis is hard. You roll the underside outwards until the top. Then you roll it down like a sock over the penis.
Without lube the sleeve stays on and your penis (depending on your size) almost fully covered. Use sufficient lubricant with your partner, apply it on the sleeve as well as on your partner.
Why use a sleeve?
There are a few reasons why you can use a sleeve.
A thicker and larger penis:
Because the sleeve is around 4mm thick, the penis will be considerably thicker when you wear the sleeve. Also the length will increase by about half a centimetre.
You can if you are created smaller, leave the top of the sleeve 'unfilled, but then you have the chance that the top of the glans will fold in two during use. You can prevent this by putting in something solid, before you put on the sleeve.
Cum less fast
The penis sleeve makes it that you don´t experience any stimulation anymore, the penis after all is covered with a 4mm thick layer. No stimulation so you can go on very long. The penis stays in form due to the rigidness of the sleeve, so if you become a little softer it won´t be a problem.
Your partner will, due to the much thicker penis and in combination with the spikes, come much quicker and harder. She will experience a more filled feeling and you don´t have to worry that you finish before her.
Besides that the Penis sleeves are also a fun change, they have different exteriors that each gives a different feeling to the receiver.
Cleaning the sleeve is super easy, just rinse it off under the tap with lukewarm water and some soap.
Wash the penis sleeve once before use and let him dry, you can potentially sprinkle on some talcum powder or corn starch to make it dry. The sleeve has a Kokos-onahole-scent when you open the packaging, this scent well disappear after a few times.
The dimensions of this Penis sleeve are 147mm x 43mm and the sleeve only weighs 70 grams.
Increase the self confidence of the man!
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Additional Information


text:
Posted by maywong on September 21, 2020, 6:53 pm, in reply to "Start of a fresh week.."
Message Thread
Start of a fresh week.. - Taryn in FL September 21, 2020, 12:27 pm
Love this pic! I need to go play now :-) She looks great in that outfit! - Rosemarie in Calgary September 22, 2020, 10:14 am
Love your photo! - Saucy Suwi September 22, 2020, 8:39 am
Great photo! - Sandi M in Chicagoland September 22, 2020, 12:05 am
Somebody is ready to take on anything. - maywong September 21, 2020, 6:53 pm
She definitely looks like she's ready for the world! - Queli September 21, 2020, 6:21 pm
Great advice and lovely doll. - lovindollz September 21, 2020, 3:59 pm
Upbeat advice indeed! She also has a bit of a "go ahead, make my day" look about her! - Donna L September 21, 2020, 2:32 pm
Excellent photo and excellent advise. - KC September 21, 2020, 12:49 pm
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text:
Kevin Morby Speaks in the Tongues of His Forebears on 'Oh My God'
Kevin Morby's Oh My God is a stunning high-wire act of high-concept and deep-rooted rock and roll at the same time.
Oh My God
Kevin Morby
Dead Oceans
26 April 2019
Kevin Morby's epic new album (his fifth, remarkably) is, by his own admission (if not confession) a "non-religious religious record". It is a frankly dizzying experience that takes no little unpacking. Oh My God is an album of seeking and discovering, of affirming and negating, loss and redemption, of musical and spiritual exploration, tribute and invention, and often of running to stand still in an act of extended meditation. For all these reasons it is quite fascinating and at the same time utterly exhausting. The album's massive ambition, which announces itself immediately, continues unabated until the dying fall about 50 minutes later. This ambition is both exhilarating and enervating and not everything works, but it is impossible not to admire the scale of the project, and when it does come off it can be quite spectacular.
Morby's work here (as he has also acknowledged) is undoubtedly a concept album, perhaps even a high-concept album, dealing with the grandest of concepts, namely faith and its accompanying doubt. Morby himself is no stranger to the concept of the concept album - Harlem River (2013) and City Music (2017) are urban paeans, while Still Life (2014) seems paradoxically to sing the body in motion - but this particular offering seems to take the project to a new level of ambition. The notion of the concept album is almost always already pre-emptively overdetermined and may perhaps not be able to withstand the weight of its own imaginings, its references, its allusions, its significance (even its own self-importance, one might think, rather uncharitably, in some of its more inglorious moments). The concept album sets itself a high bar and quite regularly fails to clear it. So how does Kevin Morby fare as he navigates this potentially treacherous territory?
We might need some moral support on our journey, and we might do worse than to consult T.S. Eliot, who wrote plenty of "non-religious religious" lines of arcane modernist poetry before he found his own way to a version of divinity later in life. Consider this passage from Murder in the Cathedral, his 1935 verse drama about the demise of turbulent priest Thomas Becket:
"Some malady is coming upon us. We wait, we wait.
And the saints and martyrs wait, for those who shall be martyrs and saints.
Destiny waits in the hand of God, shaping the still unshapen:
I have seen these things in a shaft of sunlight.
Destiny waits in the hand of God, not in the hands of statesmen."
Oh My God itself seems to open in the very same shaft of sunlight Eliot describes not only here but also in the related "Burnt Norton", written as part of what would become his majestic late work, Four Quartets:
"Sudden in a shaft of sunlight
Even while the dust moves
There rises the hidden laughter
Of children in the foliage
Quick now, here, now, always –
Ridiculous the waste sad time
Stretching before and after."
The opening and title track of Oh My God begins with some notes picked out on what sounds like an ancient piano being broadcast to us from long ago and far away. The song is perhaps conjuring a wrinkle in time, opening a narrow doorway onto a chink of light that suggests, in turn, a distant time and place when faith was more universally professed and practiced, but no less problematic, tortured and ambiguous (or ambivalently approached) than it is now.
The poet's spiritual journey was nothing if not complicated and contradictory. T.S. Eliot the young skeptic turned ardent believer; the despairing midlife cynic became a late-life devotee and supplicant. This was after all the precocious young fence sitter riddled with indecision in "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", who subsequently found nothing but fragments shored against his ruins in the post-World War One trauma and detritus of "The Waste Land". Yet Eliot somehow miraculously found his way to God, albeit an arid and shriveled deity, in the rich and opaque lines of "Ash Wednesday" and "The Four Quartets" in the 1930s and 1940s, as the world seemed to be lurching inevitably toward yet more catastrophe and devastation. If any of that sounds familiar, it should. As such, all of these extended references to and meditations on Eliot might set such an epic musical project in some relief.
All of this is not an attempt to align Morby too closely with Eliot's high modernism or indeed the ornate ceremonies of the high church (there is no sense here that Morby is presenting us with any kind of conversion narrative here, for example), but the parallels seem instructive, as do parallels with other entirely more relatable artists, as we shall see. Morby's meditations on God, faith, religion, and spirituality become something of a mantra whose "Om" (cf. the "Shanti Shanti Shanti" that closes Eliot's The Waste Land in such mystical and mystifying affirmation) literally happens to be "Oh my God".
From the opening piano notes, we revisit that titular phrase as a recurring incantation multiple times and in multiple musical settings through the course of the album experience. The sedate lullaby of the title track morphs a little later into the rollicking strut of "OMG Rock and Roll", as if the ghostly lovechild of Marc Bolan and Lou Reed has suddenly been introduced into the proceedings (to cast these spirits loose among the runes of Eliot seems both sacrilegious and delicious at the same time). "OMG Rock and Roll" might be the single most dynamic performance of the album, and yet Morby is able to wring yet more mileage out of the trope when it recurs for yet a third time on the attack of "Piss River", which feels like the album's centerpiece, although it faces stiff competition among many standout moments.
Yet while there are many moments of spiritual affirmation here, there are also perhaps equal amounts of doubt and negation, as evidenced in "No Halo" and "Nothing Sacred/All Things Wild", and this dissolution introduces another set of influences beyond the purely literary. Indeed it is hard to ignore what is right in front you here in terms of musical antecedents like the Trinity, holy or otherwise, of Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, and Van Morrison (the musical equivalent for our purposes of the Masters of Suspicion, Marx, Freud, and Nietzsche), both in terms of their investigations of faith and doubt and in terms of their respective vocal timbres and musical arrangements.
It feels like Morby must be at least aware of this, if not fully attempting to emulate or comment on the giant shadows cast by these forebears. He has clearly consorted with these spirits previously, as is obvious from even a cursory listen to his earlier work – "Wild Side (Oh the Places You'll Go" from his first album Harlem River, is a genius mashup of Dylan and Reed, for example). That feels particularly true on a song like "Nothing Is Sacred/All Things Wild", which seems to recall Cohen most vividly of all Morby's musical spirits, all while rather miraculously maintaining its own authenticity and originality. Similarly, "Hail Mary" seems to recall peak Dylan and the Band, while also not losing the essence of Morby himself, and some of the musical interludes, including the later song, "Ballad of Faye" surely recall peak-mid-period Van Morrison from that purple passage of classic albums from the 1980s.
But to speak of all these influences, echoes, resonances and reminders, as we have done rather obsessively, is also to note that Morby isn't just offering a pastiche of or tribute to Dylan, Cohen, and Morrison (among others) on a musical level. Morby also seems to be emulating their respectively complex attitudes to and expressions of spirituality, alternating between spitting skepticism and joyous choral embrace, much as all of those founding fathers did at one point or another. Morby seems to be acutely aware of the tradition in which he is working, while also forging new paths for himself. In this way, he does not become a mere peddler of influence and nostalgia but instead manages to establish all sort of connections to multiple cultural precedents.
How he keeps all of these plates spinning at once is a mystery and a marvel, and he does this, mind you, while kicking out all sorts of jams. The sonorous piano of "Seven Devils" gives way to some blistering guitar. The aforementioned "OMG Rock and Roll", "Hail Mary", and "Piss River" likewise lurch along in the most ramshackle hootenanny imaginable. This album is not short of boisterous good times, so if you don't want to take the Morby course in spiritual exploration (there is no proselytizing here, just in case you were wondering) you can certainly feel free to tap into the more visceral elements of the experience. It is therefore perfectly possible to inhale this experience completely joyously, without once giving a thought to any part of the so-called concept, merely existing purely in this contemporary moment, thereby achieving the very mindfulness that the album may have intended for us all along.
And, speaking of the present moment, just as he is aware of his musical and cultural past, Morby cannot also be unaware of his place in a more contemporary triumvirate that includes MC Taylor's Hiss Golden Messenger and Matthew Houck's Phosphorescent, all of whose recent work seems to resonate here quite vividly. These artists seem to be kindred spirits, and this recognition also makes us realize that we do not constantly have to be looking backward for our inspiration, that we can look to our peers and contemporaries as well. Furthermore, the fact that there are multiple trinities at work here puts your head on a total swivel, so you might now start to understand the cautionary notes offered at the outset about how tiring this experience can be.
And it is indeed rather exhausting. The album barely pauses for breath until we get to "Savannah", and that pause doesn't last long as we ricochet almost immediately to the raucous shenanigans of "Congratulations". This passage is part of what might seem a rather odd sequence from "Savannah" to "Storm (Beneath the Weather)" to "Congratulations" and then still further onward, with an elemental ambiance transitioning into some children's dialogue followed by some rather grand horn and keyboard-driven bombast, a searing guitar solo and the incanted "Dear God, please forgive me." And then it just stops, strangely. But upon reflection, this set of songs from the latter part of the album seems to mark a shift as well as punctuation, both of which are much needed after the frenetic sequence that was the first seven songs. There is relatively little filler here, but after all the excitement it almost feels like we need some periods of less consequence and concentration in order to gather ourselves for the home turn.
That final turn is also a return to the Dylanesque finery of "I Want to Be Clean", "Sing a Glad Song", and "Oh Behold", punctuated by "Ballad of Faye". That we end with this suite of immaculate Zimmerman pastiche replete with echoes of Morrison, and a final flourish toward Leonard Cohen's backing singers in the last moments ties a beautiful bow on the whole experience. The notion of a concept album in 2019 might seem counter-intuitive, and the notion of a concept album about notions of "God" might seem still more belated, and yet this experience feels completely timely and on point, all while it constantly has one foot in all of its past lives and incarnations.
In its own way, this is a genuinely miraculous achievement, in that it can stand alone without any of the foregoing contexts, but when linked to its sense of cultural historicity it takes on a life that is exponentially larger in scale. And while Morby's earlier concepts might have seemed somewhat looser and more liberated from the self-imposed constraints of such a project, Oh My God also feels like the apotheosis of his multivalent approach to the construction of music and myth. He is truly at the top of his game, and one can only stand in awe of this accomplishment.


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GM food safety checks inadequate, says report
The way genetically-modified food is tested for safety in Europe must be improved before any new GM plants are declared fit for human consumption, according to a report by the Royal Society, the UK's foremost scientific society.
"The battery of tests should be spelt out much more clearly," says Eric Brunner at University College London and one of the authors of the report. Some animal testing may also be required, he says.
The testing regime must be independently scrutinised, recommends the report, so that companies cannot submit selective data about their new GM products. Otherwise, Brunner says: "Companies could carry on generating data until they get the answer they want."
However, the report concludes that there is no reason to doubt the safety of foods made from GM ingredients that are currently available, nor to believe that genetic modification makes foods inherently less safe than their conventional counterparts.
The UK Food Standards Agency welcomed the report but said it was "satisfied that the current safety assessment procedures are sufficiently robust and rigorous to ensure that approved GM foods are as safe as their non-GM counterparts".
Adrian Bebb of Friends of the Earth believes that the report will add to public scepticism about GM foods. "It confirms the public's suspicions," he says. "But the report leaves lots of questions unanswered."
Blunt instrument
At present, companies must demonstrate that a GM product is 'substantially equivalent' to its conventional version. This is a less rigorous standard than used, for example, in testing new drugs. But the report accepts that using such standards for foods would be impractical, given the complexity of foodstuffs. Also, many traditional foods would fail such tests.
The equivalence test compares, for example, protein, carbohydrate and fatty acid levels between the GM and non-GM plants. But there are no clear and universal guidelines over exactly what to test and how similar the two should be. Brunner says different interpretations of the regulations by different countries might leave a regulatory 'back door': "One country should not be used as a fast route into the EU market."
Such differences of interpretation are already apparent between the EU and the US. For example all products from a herbicide resistant variety of GM oilseed rape developed by Aventis were approved in the US. In the EU, only the processed oil was deemed safe.
"Substantial equivalence is a very blunt instrument," says Brunner. "It is a flawed concept if used on its own." Animal testing may be needed to explore particular safety aspects of a new food, he adds.
Allergic reaction
While the report's authors were sceptical about current testing arrangements, they saw no reason to believe that current GM varieties are unsafe. They argue that if were they dangerous, problems would have emerged during widespread consumption in the US.
Bebb counters that there has been no post-market monitoring of the long-term health effects of GM ingredients. So problems caused by the foods might have been missed.
They also quash fears that engineered genes could incorporate into the human genome via the gut. We eat DNA in our food all the time without any such problems, says Jim Smith, chairman of the Wellcome Cancer Research Campaign Institute in Cambridge, who chaired the report.
But the report does recommend that all new foods be tested to see if they cause allergic reactions when particles are inhaled. GM foods are no more likely to trigger such allergies than conventional crops, the report says, but they say that current regulation would miss these lung allergies.


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SEAT Music Session 2016
SEAT Music Session… Five international and national artists, performing separately and together, on a 360° stage. It sounds very promising when you hear about it, but you can't really imagine the level of 'cool' of the entire thing until you become a part of it!
And that's what it truly feels like: being a part of an amazing show, up close and personal. Yep, I was one of the lucky ones in Zurich, together with Shirley!
Soundcheck time!
SEAT was kind enough to hook us up for soundcheck, so we could experience the magic first hand before everyone else. What a treat! We could already tell that these artists were ready to create some unforgettable moments together: smooth interactions, a relaxed atmosphere and voices that were very different, but somehow fit together perfectly. Considering this was only their second session together, it became obvious they had been chosen well.
Mr. Dankner
The person in charge of that choice is the vivacious and charming Phil Dankner, who's a talented musician himself; one with excellent taste, might I add.
Phil presents the event with style, wit and a sense of humor (and is also very well dresssed!). The surprise of the evening, to us, was when he sat down at the piano and started singing Gavin DeGraw's "Making Love With The Radio On". Oooh yes! Gavin is one of our favorite artists, so it was such a thrill to suddenly hear one of his songs. The piano's basically been Phil's best friend since he was 4 and that shows!
Speaking of shows…
Phil told us everything we needed to know about the performing artists. We met Johannes Oerding (Germany), Levin (Switzerland), Damien Wicks (Australia), Leona Philippo (the Netherlands) and Nina Attal (France). They had prepared several songs together, and also hit the stage one by one so we could hear some of their own stuff. I must admit I'm a bit of a skeptic when it comes to non-English music. But I soon noticed that all of them had an enthusiasm that was quite contagious and I was hooked to their music in no time! The most surprising one to me, was Johannes Oerding. Yep, I really liked the German guy! And here I was, thinking German music wasn't 'my thing'. I couldn't be more wrong.
The SEAT Music Session Artists – Johannes Oerding, Levin & Damien Wicks
Johannes Oerding can be described as charismatic, pure, and driven. He's got this playful energy that sweeps you away, but doesn't lack depth either… I particularly liked the song "Alles Brennt". This is obviously someone who's very passionate about his work and knows how to show it!
Levin's repertoire shows strength and emotion. "If A Song" really spoke to me! It's not surprising that this cool Swiss guy was awarded the SRF3 Best Talent for his wonderful album "All In". I'm sure many young (and not so young) ladies can appreciate that boyish charm and can't get those catchy songs out of their heads…! Charming.
Damien Wicks was the one who nearly moved everyone to tears… The warmhearted Australian told the audience a very captivating story about his baby boy who was born prematurely a little while ago, which had caused a rollercoaster of emotions for the new dad. He dedicated the gem "Finally Feeling Again" to his son, touching his artist colleagues and everyone in the audience. What a delightful, strong performance! Impossible not to love this sweet guy with the rich, powerful voice.
The SEAT Music Session Artists – Leona Philippo and Nina Attal
Leona Philippo can best be described as a ray of sunlight… Bright and full of energy! Her radiant smile and warm, pleasant voice are a real treat. This is a woman with an incredible stage presence, who instantly wins people over. She seems to breathe positivity and enjoys every second of every song! It makes perfect sense to me that she won the Voice of Holland, but she's so much more than that. She told the story behind her song "Waterfall": it's basically a lullaby for her son, of whom she spoke with a lot of affection… Wonderful!
Nina Attal may appear frail at first, but most certainly isn't… This girl rocks! Her mesmerizing guitar play blew everyone away. The face of an angel and such a soulful voice: killer combination. You could tell that Nina loved being on stage, and lives for her music. She knows what she's doing and has fun doing it! If you like the French language, Nina's your girl. She makes French sound even cooler and the stage is obviously where she belongs!
An Evening with many highlights
The artists weren't the only ones who impressed the audience. The live band is amazing, too. A bunch of happy, talented people who help turn every song into a little masterpiece. It's impossible to be in a bad mood when you hear and see them play. A big thumbs up.
Highlight of the evening? Everyone singing Johannes Oerding's song "Immer Wieder" together: in Swiss German, English, Dutch, French and German! What a joy to hear so many different languages in one song. The polyglot in me had a blast!
The audience was very receptive in general, they went wild for the artists and the show. Best atmosphere ever; it's hard to describe, even!
So. Bottom line… If you ever get a chance to attend one of these sessions, don't hesitate! Go! Enjoy! It's an unforgettable experience that will leave you wanting more.
Until next year!


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Have you gamed at all in the past 10 years? Then it's pretty darn likely that you've found yourself playing through something made by Ninja Theory.
Survivors of the great "mid-tier" slashing of the mid 2000s, this small team of developers has hopped from publisher to publisher delivering quality narrative experiences. Well, almost always. The point is, their hearts were always in the right place with their projects and most of them reflected that passion.
My main introduction to the company was through Enslaved: Odyssey to the West and Heavenly Sword as cult hits I'd had recommended to me. Both brought in Andy Serkis to act (you get to see his real face!) and direct the scenes with either offering very personable, loving stories as a result. It certainly didn't hurt that the mo-cap and graphics were masterfully used to highlight the beauty and disguise the boundaries.
Both games reviewed fairly well – around an 8 out of 10 – and so Ninja Theory was shown to be on a good thing. The problem? Neither of them sold well enough to make up their costs.
The next project was DMC: Devil May Cry, which had plenty of controversy about the main character, the definitive edition, and more. It was a drama project that just kept on giving. Despite the bluster, DMC actually sold pretty well at around 1.7 million units if you count the re-release for PS4 and Xbox One. Again, the problem? Those numbers rank it as the worst selling Devil May Cry game and keep it just barely above the HD Collection in sales numbers despite scoring vastly higher on average.
The history of Ninja Theory as a developer is that of a fairly consistent level of quality that won't blow the top off any sales expectations. That was the summary at the bottom of their reputation and may have inadvertently given them a very unique perspective on the publisher-developer relationship.
Once upon a time, selling a million copies of any game was astounding and praiseworthy. Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft all used to crow anytime a new title surpassed a million units shipped (not the same as sold, but that's their usual wording regardless). Crowds have since ballooned and expectations have had to go along for the ride. Higher expectations, in traditional business rationale, must be accompanied by a higher budget, which is ultimately the killer of old milestones.
Perspective can turn a molehill into a mountain, and in many cases, has grown that mountain to Mars. Final Fantasy XV, during its magnanimous unveiling party in 2016, was quoted as having a minimum sales expectation of 10 million units. Other multi-million unit sellers have been deemed failures with entire franchises and companies canned as a result. A million sales was just never going to be enough again in the triple-A gaming industry to knock on the door of both quality and financial success, so very many thought.
Ninja Theory, having survived all of this, set out against the tide with Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice. Their plan was to put to work all the years of experience they had stretching a budget to its fullest extent and put that against the look and feel of a "triple-A" game. Their approach had the feel of a Kickstarter as an experimental process too risky for the larger companies but still one that didn't ask for a dime in fan money. It was a fine line no one before or since has walked so publicly.
A team of 20 people took 3 years to chisel away at a game about a mental disorder and represent it in an accurate, thoughtful way. That same team made the game look jaw-dropping on PC and PlayStation 4, able to stand up with any larger-scale Ubisoft or EA project. The accomplishment took so many by surprise that even Ninja Theory was taken aback that they broke even so quickly.
By the way, "even" was marked at 500,000 units sold. For a two-platform title sold through a famously crowded Steam marketplace that could stand toe-to-toe with any top-tier game. In 3 months, Hellblade had proved to the market that there was more than one way to balance quality with the monetary, and Ninja Theory had been the ones carrying that Olympic torch proudly.
Senua's Sacrifice has now made hay with over a million sales as of just last month after winning awards and praise from all gaming corners. The title stands as a rare unmitigated success where near universal praise has met with financial success, again without asking for the public to absorb the risk. Actress Melina Jeurgens won herself a BAFTA award for the performance, which was her first major role in anything ever. Seriously, the stars that crossed atop Hellblade's success could serve as a glowing road map to any development team dreaming of making it on their own.
Ninja Theory, meanwhile, has taken an unusual turn down an odd street. It was at E3 that Microsoft announced that the developers that had just struck out completely on their own with success and praise was now coming under their brand for good. My head couldn't have been the only one turned by that.
Even buried among a few other development teams, hearing that Ninja Theory would be a Microsoft team from now on seemed very, very puzzling. You can name the number of companies that are both developer and publisher in the triple-A space on one hand, and none of them were proving anything to the level of Ninja Theory. In today's market, they had done the near impossible and then threw the Elder Wand down the deepest ravine.
Taking a look at their new publisher, it becomes even more baffling as to what Ninja Theory, as we last remember them, will look like splashing in a green X. Of their exclusives, you could argue that Microsoft is completely barren of what you'd normally consider a triple-A title for the remainder of this year, despite the attempts to make We Happy Few squeeze into that pair of tight, ill-fitting pants as a title that's actually third-party being "highlighted". Even overflow to next year, you have Crackdown 3 at its make-or-break point until likely holiday 2019. That's all.
The point here is that Ninja Theory doesn't have any Microsoft momentum going forward. Quite the contrary, Microsoft needs some of Ninja Theory's momentum to get out of its self-imposed cellar. Even if we do look at the glass as half full, what kind of projects would Microsoft ask from this team?
Again, Ninja Theory has a very specific set of skills that has seen the most success in linear, single-player adventures with polish and creativity. Very few of those terms can be used to describe anything coming out for Xbox One exclusively as of this year, or in general for this generation. You'll find out my thoughts on State of Decay 2 (take a guess), We Happy Few has been touted as creative but rough, and Crackdown 3 has had a typhoon of thick doubt around it permeating between Terry Crews performances. Sure, the Xbox One X is powerful enough to drive a Lyft, but there's nothing exclusive to play on it, and certainly nothing here that Ninja Theory would have a track record in tackling.
Because that's the future of gaming according to some with Microsoft one of the band leaders: multiplayer integration and longer-life gaming. The console giant molded Rare into a multiplayer-centric entity, which doesn't bode well for any looking to see Ninja Theory remain in their comfort zone. Will Microsoft bend and let Ninja Theory just do their thing and deliver them something original to battle the Sony enemy?
We can only hope and take this glass of water whether we like it or not. It will remain a bitter drink for me as Ninja Theory seemed so adamant the whole time about delivering their games their way and leaving the rest of the kids to play in their own sandbox. There was never a feeling that they were advertising themselves to get a publisher's attention. I still don't believe they were with Senua and have faith that their intentions were pure at the time. There was surely just too much excitement to pass up such an opportunity as to be, presumably, one of the main gaming teams inside Microsoft moving forward.
It's just…if you find a new, shorter, better way to water as an example for other horses, why would you abandon the trail and go back to the old way?


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The weather is being reasonably kind for a Great British summer, and it's likely that you'll have enjoyed a few al fresco meals already this summer. That's right, barbecue season has officially arrived in the UK, and Monday May 28th actually marked the beginning of National Barbecue Week.
There are few pleasures greater during the warmer weather than gathering friends and family in the garden to enjoy the sunshine, catch-ups and tucking into tasty grilled food that you've prepared yourself.
Image credit: oneinchpunch via iStock
The only downsides we can think of are the risk of rain (which, sadly, we can't do anything about), and that distinctive barbecuing smell lingering indoors as people stroll in and out of your house and the smoke wafts in; luckily, that's something we can fix.
Our Chef's Friend Room Spray and Chef's Friend Reed Diffuser are just the ticket for covering up that chargrilled smell with their fresh lemongrass and lime scent and odour neutraliser.
In the same range, we also have our Anti-Tabac fragrance, which is specially designed to mask the smell of cigarettes if you have any smoking guests, thanks to its sweet yet powerful odour-neutralising scent of cedarwood and vanilla.
Once you've got those concerns sorted, the only decision left is what to serve at your summer barbecue besides the usual beef burgers and pork sausages in buns. Here are a few suggestions:
Thai-inspired burgers
Serve up some burgers with a difference by making your own patties to throw on the barbecue, adding in a combination of herbs and spices to give your burgers a unique taste.
Thai-inspired flavours like chilli, lime and spring onion are perfect for the summer, so consider seasoning your burger mix (which could be beef, pork or chicken) with these, and perhaps a little lemongrass and basil too for a fabulously flavoursome burger.
Sweet chilli sauce would work beautifully with these instead of the usual ketchup, in keeping with the Thai theme.
Spiced chickpea and coriander burgers
Veggie burgers need to be fairly robust to survive on the barbecue, so using beans or pulses that have a close texture when mixed with other ingredients will probably be better than something like tofu if you don't want to use the oven for anything.
Image credit: nata_vkusidey via iStock
Kidney beans would be a good option, as would chickpeas, which work excellently when combined with coriander, chopped chilli, diced onion, breadcrumbs, egg and a little lemon juice to lift all of those other flavours.
If you have leftover mixture, roll it into little balls and grill them on skewers to serve up as a fun side at your gathering.
Barbecue sauce-marinated chicken
It's not a proper barbecue without a smoky marinade, which can be served in a dish on your condiments table for guests to add to their burgers themselves, or used to coat chicken before it's cooked on the barbecue.
To make a simple marinade that would be perfect for the occasion, mix mustard, paprika, worcester sauce and ketchup in a bowl, tasting as you go and seasoning until it makes your mouth water. If you want a stickier marinade, add a little honey in there too.
Veggie-friendly pasta salad
Side dishes are just as important as the main-event burgers and sausages at a barbecue, and you can't go wrong with a pasta salad that's made with vegetarians in mind so everyone can enjoy the same dish.
Simply boil pasta and leave it to cool before adding chopped lettuce, fresh tomatoes, diced raw onion for a powerful flavour, diced peppers for extra crunch and sweetcorn, stirring through some pesto, mayonnaise or even more of your barbecue marinade as a sauce.
You could make different batches using the alternative sauces to save yourself extra work, while making sure that all tastes are catered for.
Grilled fruit kebabs
Of course, dessert isn't compulsory at a barbecue, but it can be a lovely added touch for your guests. Bananas work beautifully grilled on the barbie, as do pieces of fresh seasonal fruit threaded onto skewers.
Image credit: Magone via iStock
Place chopped strawberries, chunks of pineapple, whole grapes and slices of banana on to skewers and leave them to grill for a few moments on each side. The barbecuing process will transform their taste, leaving them chargrilled on the outside but delightfully juicy in the middle - and they'll make a lovely, healthy end to your party.
Don't forget to have your Chef's Friend Room Spray to hand throughout the evening - and while you're preparing! - to spritz away any lingering 'overcooked' smells, and your night should go without a hitch.