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Mehreen Tahir
I can't swallow why have things become normal for us which should not have become! I mean there are many many things which are though not acceptable for us but they don't move us that much now. Yes, I am talking about rapes and child labour and murders and killings and blasts and violence and what not. We see them on television, news bulletins, Facebook newsfeeds, Instagram timelines, Tweets and where not. We see and hear them and we scroll down. The ones who are comparatively sensitive then the rest go and comment plus sad react too but you know what the sad part is?
Most of us have now even stop doing this too. Why? What has created this indifference to such heartwrenching incidents? It's not a one day process that resulted in this behaviour. It involves years and decades of exposure to such soul shattering but actual real life incidents that happen and have been happening around us. Now coming to something that has been eating me inside for more than a month now is my burning homeland Kashmir!Its more then three weeks that my land is in a curfew and what is happening there is all over social, print and electronic media. I can't explain or talk about it because it eats me inside and shatters the remaining pieces of my heart and soul.
The oppressors there in my homeland are oppressors, they didn't break me because they are not humans, what broke me was the stance of so so many people i came across in this time. There are people who said we should not talk about this and let this pass because this TOO SHALL PASS. This too shall pass taking lives of thousands of my brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers.
There are social media influencers and youtubers who refused to say anything about it because they have not said anything about some other thing in the past. It means if you didn't offer your Fajar, you won't even offer Zohar. There are people who said talking about this is a part of activism and we are not activists.
Really is Kashmir issue a social, religious or national issue? If you think so i think you have failed as a human being because you don't need to an activist,a philanthropist,a leader,a politician,a spokesperson, a Kashmiri or whatsoever to speak about it,you just need to be a human and if you are a human you would have already raised your voice against this tyranny, oppression and genocide of my race. You would have already played your part, done your role according to the legitimate powers you have and if you have not,you need to rethink about the purpose of your life and existence as a HUMAN because humans can't swallow this, they can't digest this, they can't let it go so easily.
(Mehreen Tahir is student of NUML. She is from Muzaffarabad, Azad Kashmir)


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If you want to take on a run that isn't listed on our site, you can still join our team! We'd love to have you with us!
A huge variety of runs of all distances take place across the UK, or even abroad, throughout the year. From 5Ks to 10Ks to marathons, you'll be sure to find one to suit you. You might want to sign up for an organised event, or you could even create your own personal running challenge.
If you're signing up for an organised event, simply register with the organisers, then register with us - letting us know which run you've signed up for.
We'll send you our Mind running vest and lots of fundraising support. And we'll let you know how you can connect with other Mind runners.
Once you have a confirmed place, and have registered your details with us, we will support you from start to finish.
Register with us and you'll get:
We're committed to treating our supporters with respect and openness. Read our promise to you.
If you're taking part in an organised event, register with the organisers first, then register with us. Or if you've created your personal running challenge, simply go ahead and register with us.
We're so glad to have you on our team!
You might find your answer in our FAQs.
Or you can send us an email using the button below, or give us a call on 0300 999 3887 and we'll be more than happy to help.
Mind is the leading mental health charity in England and Wales and by joining our team you will enable us to continue to provide support to the 1 in 4 people who experience mental distress in their life times.
£1,000 could be spent on printing 5,000 advice booklets, offering practical advice on subjects such as stress, depression and eating disorders.
"My Tour de France started today and there wasn't a bike in sight. I wasn't going to be watching or even riding the most famous bike race in the world, I planned to run it."
people in the UK will experience a mental health problem in any given year
queries answered by our helplines in 2018/19.
people accessed our information in 2018/2019
You can find out more about our work in the 2018/19 annual review
and more about our finances in our 2018/19 annual accounts

subset: commoncrawl


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Tons of articles have been written and millions of dollars (or whatever other currency) have been earned through blackjack card counting. Not to mention the numerous films that have been shot, including some quite memorable ones such as "Holy rollers: The true story of card counting christians", as well as the popular "21".
Nowadays, you can also find apps or various other software on the Internet to help you train your skills on this well-known blackjack technique. MIT even has a blackjack team that is well-known for its card-counting expertise and was even featured in a documentary about it. Here's what you need to know about blackjack card counting.
What is card counting in blackjack?
If you are like many novice players hanging around on blackjack online casinos, you might have often asked yourself that question. The act of card counting is a strategy used to determine if the next card or hand of blackjack will have dealt cards that will give the dealer or player an advantage. But, how does blackjack card counting work? Those who count cards do so by maintaining a tally of all cards dealt. This allows card counters to bet high when the count is in their favor, and reduce risk by betting smaller amounts when the count is not favorable.
Blackjack card counting: 4 steps to do it like a boss
There are many who have asked if counting cards is illegal. Well, it's not. The reality is though, most casinos do not appreciate players using this strategy. Those who count cards are only able to practice this when playing on live dealer casinos, as card counting is not possible in regular mode due to the use of a random number generator that produces the next card dealt from the deck. This article serves as your go-to "how to count cards for dummies" guide, even for those of you out there with no previous experience in this well-known technique. If you want to count cards like an absolute guru follow the steps below and stack some cash for that next trip to Vegas or any other gambling Mecca.
1. Give every card a certain value
Every card in a deck has a value, and understanding how a high low card counting system can be used for blackjack from a strategic point of view will increase your odds of success. Hi-lo assigns each card in the deck a number such as – 1 or +1. Cards shown as 2 through 6 are given a +1, numbers 7 through 9 are deemed 0, and all high cards 10 and above are assigned a number of +1.
Hi-lo strategy can only begin to be used after the cards have been shuffled and the first card is dealt. As each card is dealt from the deck, hi-lo card counters will mathematically determine the value of the cards. An example of this would be K, 4, 8, J, 6; this would give a count of +1, -1, 0, +1, -1 for a total value of 0. If the total score is negative, it means that there is a large number of high cards remaining in the deck, but if the score is positive, then there is a larger number of smaller cards remaining in the deck.
2. Maintain a running count
In order to become efficient in blackjack card counting, you need to learn how to maintain a running count accurately. The first step needed is to memorize the card values and do so accurately and quickly. To be effective in card counting, it is ideal to begin with six decks.
The process goes like this. Count the decks and take a single one. Assign the values based on the score mentioned above (-1, +1). After counting the last card the count should equal zero. However, if the score you got is -1 or +1, then your count was incorrect and you need to start the process again. Ideally, you should practice this continually until you can complete the process in under thirty seconds or less.
This will give you the skills to maintain a running count and be better positioned when applying those skills when at a casino. As a recommendation, when first playing for real money, go for low limit blackjack to reduce your risk until you are confident you have perfected the technique. Are you still with us? If all that seems too advanced then maybe you should familiarize yourself well first with basic blackjack rules, and then come back to this page. If not, keep going as we're halfway!No information available Best live dealer blackjack casino sites
3. Can you count cards when there is more than one deck?
Card counting indeed puts the casino at a disadvantage. While not illegal, it is frowned upon and to combat the practice of card counting, casinos use multiple decks in blackjack. This commonly will see 6-8 deck shows in use and therefore, much harder to follow the count, although not impossible for skilled blackjack card counters.
The best card counting system for 6 decks requires extreme discipline and a good player understands that it is crucial to retain a true count in blackjack. Most will avoid sitting down at a table until the decks are due to be shuffled. This allows them to get a true count based on factoring in the additional decks and therefore accounting for an increased number of -1 scores and +1 scores.
They do this taking the running count and dividing it over the number of decks in play. This lets them take the information and mathematically determine when playing with an advantage or without one.
4. Adjust your bets according to your true count
Adjusting your card counting bet size is critical to long-term success and profitability. Why? Because you have to adjust your game as cards are dealt out. This, of course, changes the odds either for you as a player or for the house, so adjusting your betting size will be determined by the true count.
The reasoning behind this is to wager an equal amount to that of the advantage percentage. An example would be if the true count gives you a 2% advantage and you are playing with a $1000 bankroll. In that case your bet should be equal to 2% or $20.00.
Most blackjack experts use card counting as a strategy to increase their odds of hitting larger wins. However, it is important to understand that casinos employ multiple tactics to identify those that count cards and if suspected, they are banned from those places. Therefore a smart card counter will not bet aggressively higher amounts as this will generate interest from the dealer and pitboss.
The objective of blackjack card counting is to give you an advantage and to generate a profit. Generating a smaller profit over time turns into a larger profit eventually. In other words, count cards but play conservatively, make a profit and move on to the next casino. Still looking to learn more? Geat a head-start on other players with surefire online blackjack strategies.


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Hoxton Square Loft
Housed in a former upholstery factory, the Hoxton Square Loft uses a mix of existing and custom elements to preserve its industrial heritage. The interior retains the authenticity of the building with exposed brickwork, original wood floors, and vintage radiators. Continuing this salvaged aesthetic, cabinets made from reclaimed floorboards create a linear kitchen in the open living area, while honed marble countertops, brass fixtures, and a temperature-controlled pantry add a subtle sense of luxury. While the bedrooms mainly step away from their factory roots with blue tongue and groove paneling, sisal flooring, and velvet window treatments, pieces of the past remain in a wardrobe made from an old elevator shaft and reclaimed quarry tile.
Photos: Rory Gardener / Mark Lewis Interior Design


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Smackdown this week drew 2,481,000 viewers, down 12,000 viewers from last week's broadcast. Coverage of the Alabama Senate election and the NBA pushed Smackdown down to #7 in the top 50 cable chart among the 18-49 demographic. (Ratings credit: Showbuzzdaily.com)
Smackdown rating for 12/12/2017
Article Published: 12/13/2017
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A few months ago I went along to the Ted Baker fashion show at Mall of the Emirates as you might have read about here. The special surprise at the end was a voucher to pick something from the range. Continue reading
Tag Archives: Mall of the Emirates
At home with Crate & Barrel
Awhile ago I was sent some lovely things from Crate & Barrel and whilst they were a) lovely and b) used almost immediately I really wanted to share them on the blog but just wasn't quite sure how! Beyond starting a post 'I was sent some stuff….' and everyone falls asleep! Continue reading
Ted Baker AW14
Ted Baker fans prepare yourselves. Continue reading
C Wonder
There's a new(ish) shop in town and I recommend a visit pronto! Continue reading


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30-Nov-2009, 01:07
This is an "80mm f/5.6 Schneider Macro Symmar HM" Lens i am looking to buy, but there is no info on the shutter & i only have experience with standard Copal & Compur shutters. Does anyone know what kind of shutter it is mounted on & how it work's ? Can it be mounted on a normal lens board to be used on my 4x5 ?
Thanks in advance. Rupa
Thanks in advance. Rupa


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Application Example 4 (IPv6 and IPv4 Are Deployed Together)
This example describes how to use the InfoEqualizer feature in a meteorology bureau scenario in terms of requirement analysis, application planning, configuration operations, and verification. In this example, subnets are not created. The external DNS server is not deployed on the user's network. The OceanStor 9000 directly provides the DNS service.
- Requirement Analysis
This section analyzes the multi-subnet storage requirements of a meteorology bureau and provides a storage solution in a high-performance computing scenario.
- Application Planning
This section describes how to use InfoEqualizer to plan networks and services.
- Configuration Operations
This section describes how to configure InfoEqualizer for the resource pool storage solution.
- Verification
After the configuration of InfoEqualizer, the client can resolve the domain name, and access file sharing services through the domain name.


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Home / Shop
PPE Kit (95 GSM Laminated)
- Description
Personal Protective Equipment ( PPE KIT) -
PPE or the Personal Protective Equipment is designed specially to help protect you against harmful viruses, bacteria and infections and to prevent any kind of bodily contact with these infectious agents or body fluid. The kit contains all essentials to reduce the risk of contact by the wearer.
The Personal Protection Equipment Kit Contains 8 Items
PPE Kit Includes:
◦ 1 Head Cap
◦ 1 Face shield
◦ 1 3Ply Mask (22+22+22)
◦ 1 Pair of Gloves (Nitrile)
◦ 1 Full Body Coverall
◦ 1 Full Size Shoe Cover
◦ 1 Sanitizer Pouch
◦ 1 Disposable Bag (Air Sealed)
This personal protection equipment kit is sterilised with premium packing indicator. It changes the colour if it is tampered
The full body cover in this PPE Kit is manufactured from SITRA Certified material
The head cap is made with non woven material
The PPE kit is BIO compatibility tested, thus allows for 100% breathablility in tropical conditions without permitting the liquid to penetrate from outside
Head To Toe Kit
*Customization Available. # GST as applicable


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Here is some info on the throttle:
CNC machined parts and laser cut to precision
- 90% made in Aluminum
- Real design!
- Motorized trim wheels
- Perfectly positioned gates
- Forces tested by real pilots
- Engine Panel Incorporated
- Totally backlighted
- Usb Plug and Play
- Incorporated VAS electronic board
- CAN Protocol to all other VAS components
- Software Project Magenta, and soon Jeehell, Wilco, AST
And more info here:
Follow us on Twitter! / Like us on Facebook!
AirDailyX -We do things differently!


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Elliott R. Husney passed away on September 19, 2019. Born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Elliott came to Denver for a golf tournament, met Gloria, and never looked back. Among the many monikers he carried - beloved husband, father, brother, son, uncle, grandfather, friend - Elliott was a well-respected attorney, entrepreneur, investor, advisor, fundraiser and generous contributor to his community, both local and religious.
Elliott had a visionary and entrepreneurial leadership style with a mastery of language and a vocabulary to rival the greatest orators. His career spanned a broad range of legal, business, community, political and religious engagements. He received his BSBA and Juris Doctor from the University of Denver. After graduation, Elliott served as a Trial Attorney for the U.S. Securities & Exchange commission.
Elliott founded several businesses and was engaged in the venture capital and investment advisory business since 1972. He helped small businesses with financing, strategic negotiations and problem solving. He was a Director of three public companies and six private companies and served on the Board of American Heliothermal Corporation through an IPO. His international work extended to the U.K., Scotland and Israel.
In addition to his career achievements, Elliott served the community in many ways. He is a Past President for both the American Jewish Committee and the Jewish Community Relations Council. Elliott was a Founding Member and sat on the Board of Directors for Kabbalah Experience and was a Member of ADL Catholic Jewish Dialogue and the Association for Corporate Growth. He also worked on many political campaigns, most notably those of Pat Schroeder, Tim Wirth and Gary Hart.
Beyond all of his professional and philanthropic accomplishments, Elliott truly excelled at guiding people along a path of integrity. He lovingly doled out his wisdom and will be remembered for his well-intentioned lectures, always with the goal of building character. His passion for golf, poker, politics and stylish hats was renowned and his generosity of spirit will be greatly missed.
Elliott is survived by his beloved wife of 57 years, Gloria L. Husney; Father of Ron (Angela), Ken, Evan (Mary Catherine); Son of the late Ed and Betty Husney; Brother of Cecile Javinsky and Joanne Sullivan; Grandfather of Dylan and Morgan Husney. Service will be held Monday, September 23rd at 1:30 p.m at Temple Emanuel followed by burial at Emanuel Cemetery within Fairmount. Contributions can be made to JEWISHcolorado (https://www.jewishcolorado.org), 300 S Dahlia Street, Suite 300, Denver, CO 80246 and/or Kabbalah Experience (https://kabbalahexperience.com), 2305 S Syracuse Way, Ste 10, Denver, CO 80231.


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Historic Connecticut house to be moved
STAMFORD >> Stamford officials have agreed to spend up to $1 million to relocate a historic house to make way for a new city police department.
The Advocate reports that city officials announced a deal with the Stamford Historical Society on Thursday to move the Hoyt Barnum House five miles away to the society's headquarters.
The small red wooden house was built in 1699 by descendants of the founders of Stamford and is regarded as the city's oldest intact residence. It's listed on the National Register of Historic Places.
The 60-year-old police headquarters is right next to the Hoyt Barnum House, which is on land the city plans to use for some of the new police department project, which is expected to cost $50 million to $75 million.


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Jacada Photo Journal: Chile, from North to South
At 2,653 miles long, Chile has the space for every kind of climate. Divided by arid deserts, luxuriant valleys sprawling with vineyards, deep unending forests, and windswept fjords, this incredible country is united by its music, its language, its stories, and its people. Latin America Travel Designer, Jacob, shared some of his favourite photos from his time living in Chile.
The journey begins in the Atacama Desert, at the most northerly point of the country. With its martian landscapes, salt flats, and incongruous colonies of flamingos, it truly is an otherworldly place.
Mural of Pablo Neruda in Valparaiso. Caption reads: 'Keep fighting, keep loving'
Central Chile is home to the bohemian coastal city of Valparaiso and the rolling vineyards that grow some of the world's best wine grapes. While I was there I was lucky enough to meet a local Cueca (the national dance) band.
'Southern' Chile and The Lake District. Called the South by the locals, despite being a thousand miles from the tip of the continent, this region boasts spectacular lakes, delightful little towns, pelicans, penguins, and whales (in the ocean rather than the lakes!).
With a view out towards Volcán Osorno across Lago Llanquihue, Frutillar boasts the most Southerly Opera House in the world.
The sun sets over the Pacific from Puerto Saavedra.
While teaching English in Temuco, I made many friends who doubled excellently as tour guides. My friend Ramón brought me here, to Coñaripe, where Volcán Villarrica rises over Lago Calafquen, creating the most magical landscape.
Unfortunately, even the most beautiful country can't avoid the occasional hideous statue, and while Puerto Montt is a great little town, and a fantastic jumping off point for Chiloé, Puerto Varas, and Coyhaique, it is also home to one of the worst offenders.
Fortunately the Lake District is redeemed by its indigenous culture, and the mystical aura this casts over the land. Here the myths and legends of the Mapuche people abound, so be on the lookout for the vampiric Peuchen. Pictured here is a Ruka, a traditional Mapuche house.
The deep rocky crags of Southern Patagonia seem like the wrinkles in an ancient face so expressive is the landscape in this part of the world. The vast crystalline lakes are a perfect mirror until they are whipped up by the battering winds.
I had the great pleasure of being able to spend two weeks hiking the trails of the Parque Nacional Torres Del Paine, and spending my Christmas at the shore of the Golfo Admiralte Montt, in Puerto Natales, eating the llama-like Guanaco rather than turkey (a decision I still stick by!).
If Jacob's photo journal has inspired you to explore the incredible landscapes of Chile, talk to one of our knowledgeable Latin America travel designers who can help you plan your perfect trip. Get in touch or call +44 (0)2035 536914.


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We take the utmost pride in our work, but most of all, our goal is to maintain complete customer satisfaction in our services.
We are a family-owned business that has been servicing residential properties since 2007. After moving to the country in 2011, we were unsuccessful in trying to find a company big enough to mow the lawn, yet small enough to brush cut our field. We made it our mission to fill the void between servicing small residential lots and large municipal properties.
Our first-time customers become repeat customers time and time again, because of the unique services we offer. With our specialized equipment, we can cut 6" to 6' tall grass and saplings up to a few inches in diameter. Our equipment is stronger than the traditional fixed mowers and is designed for the harsh overgrowth. So choose The Country Cutter for your field mowing and reclaim your property today.
The Country Cutter


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Dek Doi Dee is a group of volunteers who come from many different professions and join together on a mission of 'giving smiles to Thai hill tribe kids'. We set up Children's Day party for school in remote areas of Chiangmai.
Our Social Responsibility Projects
in Thailand and Nepal
Year Founded
School Visted
People We Support
BDEx together with Baan Mullika Culinary School and Chiitakorn.com have been raising funds to help victims of Nepal Earthquake since April 2015. The 'We will rise again' T-shirt campaign has successfully given over 500 t-shirts to kids and orphanages in Kathmandu and delivered more than 750 kgs of donated blankets&foods from Nepal&Thai communities based in Bangkok
If you are interested to join us on next voluntary events, please contact us
Manoj katel
Mobile: +1 (646) 829-6817, +977-9-80878-9993
EMail: firstname.lastname@example.com
Wiriya Rattanasuwan
Mobile: +669 7138 5605
EMail: email@example.com
Chittakorn Khamthun
หมี - Black Beary
Mobile: +668-1860-6025
EMail: email@example.com


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Lynn M. Schultz, 69, Wabasha
Lynn M. Schultz, 69 of Wabasha, passed away Tuesday, September 17, 2019 at Mayo Health System – St. Mary's Campus, Rochester, MN after a long valiant fight against cancer.
Lynn Marie was born March 13, 1950, in Winona, MN to John and Gwendolyn (Peterson) Peters. She graduated from Wabasha-Kellogg High School in 1968. She also graduated from a technical college in the Twin Cities. She was a foster parent for over 20 years, before retiring in January 2018.
On December 24, 1988, she married Joseph Schultz at St. Paul's Church, Theilman, MN. She enjoyed flower gardening, cross stitching, crocheting, playing the organ and was the church organist for many years. She was also known for her sewing talents, which brought her many compliments for the clothing she made for her children. Lynn always looked out for others, putting their needs before hers and never asking for help. Now that she has earned her wings, we are comforted in knowing she will continue to watch over us all.
She is survived by her husband Joseph; children: John Ahrens; Jeremy (Angie) Schultz; Jody Ahrens; Jeff (Lynda) Schultz; Katje Schultz; and Jessica Schultz; five grandchildren: Jordan and Devan; Destiny, Rose, and Faith; three great grandchildren: Levi, Hayden, and Riley; two sisters: Kristine Mlsna and Jill (David) Green; brothers: Kurt (Doris) Peters and Timm Peters; mother-in-law Laurel Schultz; sister-in-law Debora Schultz; and many other relatives.
She was preceded in death by her parents; brother Jeff and brother-in-law Gary Mlsna; father-in-law Louis Schultz and sister-in-law Robin Wilson.
The visitation will be 11:30 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. Sunday, October 20, 2019, at Abbott Funeral Home, Wabasha, with a Celebration of Life Service at 1:00 p.m. with Pastor Bill Wohlers officiating. Interment will be at St. Paul's Cemetery, Theilman, MN.
Services entrusted to Abbott Funeral Home & Crematory, Wabasha, MN. Words of sympathy or remembrance may be left at www.abbottfh.com


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Rough Valve
Base Part
The Delta® MultiChoice® Integrated Shower Diverter consolidates custom shower design with its consumer-preferred streamlined style eliminating the need for an additional diverter valve. The traditional round style lends a timeless feel to your space. With three popular style choices to coordinate with any bathroom décor, it provides you the flexibility to select the type of custom shower functionality you prefer. With the MultiChoice® Universal system, you have the freedom to upgrade style and functionality later. And, because there's no need to alter plumbing behind the wall, you save time, effort and money on future renovation updates.
- 3-Setting diverter trim
- 2-handle trim
- Monitor pressure balance valve keeps water temperature within a safe +/-3degrees F (+/-1.6degrees C), helping to protect you from sudden changes in hot or cold water pressure
- Trim kit only, must order MultiChoice Universal Valve separately to complete the unit
- Recommended rough-in valve kit R22000 sold separately
- Meets standards set by Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)
- Bottom handle 120° Maximum rotation
- Red/blue indicator markings
Special Features
MultiChoice® Universal Valve
Brilliance® Finish
Integrated Diverter
ADA Compliant
Product Support, Repair Parts & Technical Specifications
Installation Information
Valve Type
Single-function pressure balance cartridge


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So I'm thinking about doing another daily posting other than just the quote of the day. Anyone have any ideas about what I should post about daily? I was thinking posting about interesting historical figures and giving a short synopsis each day. Good idea or nah? If anyone else has any ideas, I'd love to hear them!
Thanks in advance!


text: As the director of conservation programs for the Coral Reef Alliance, I'm familiar with the arguments for weaning society off seafood. For most common sushi and sashimi varieties, truly sustainable seafood options are practically nonexistent. Tools to help consumers make informed seafood choices can be exasperatingly complicated. And even if …Read more


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Hydroponic Gardening – Best Way to do Gardening
In this article, you will know about a hobby that will be both fun and productive. This is hydroponic gardening, this is how you should do gardening. With the term itself, with hydroponic gardening, you can plant and grow hydroponic plants. With hydroponic gardening, you can collect wonderful fruits at the end of the season. The best thing about hydroponic gardening is that you no longer need to wait for a specific season to start gardening. Some gardeners have issues with water, soil, lighting and nutrients but with hydroponic gardeners, they have no worries.
The term hydroponics in hydroponic gardening is also known as nutriculture which is a kind of gardening style that needs less soil. With hydroponic systems properly proportioned, the water and nutrients that goes inside the hydroponic plants are healthy. The good thing about hydroponic plants is that they will be very nutritious yet simple to care for. You have to know that hydroponic gardening is quite easier to perform compared to doing the traditional way of gardening in pots. You need to know that doing the traditional way of gardening will give you a ton of problems like overwater and underwater as well as problem with the amount of sunlight and quality of soil. You will be able to have steady and healthy food supply to give you a much better life in the future
This is the best method of planting and you will get an efficient plantation within weeks of hard work.
You will enjoy two things when you go for vertical gardens, one you can plant hydroponic plants and second, you can decorate a plain wall that has been troubling you for some time now. You can also get some Mr.stacky for you, this is a pot that has several spaces for plants, you can save more space and this will also look good for your home. You have to know that hydroponic gardening food security is important, with hydroponic plants, you can secure a much steadier food supply for the days to come and not to mention food will taste a lot better.
You will see that stacking planters and stackable planters are using Mr.stacky for gowing their vegetation. With your gardening hobby, you have to know that balcony gardens and herb gardens are very entertaining to do, this will make the whole hobby a lot better.
You need to be sure about the way you are gardening and also the plants that you can plant, you have to know that it is vital for your hydroponic garden. With the guide above, you can get a lot of benefits from hydroponic gardening.


text: Film ID: YFA 307 WEDDING OF AUDREY AND BILLY 1950s Visitor TabsDescription A film of a wedding made by Albert Cole. Titles: 'Wedding of Audrey and Billy' 'Bridesmaids Miss Nancy Hoyle and Miss Dorothy Ogden' 'Best Man Mr Allen Bradley' The film begins with guests arriving, and then a car pulls up. Intertitle: 'leaving the brides house'. The bride poses at the front of the house, and the gets into the car watched by a crowd of onlookers. Intertitle: 'arriving at Church' The car arrives at the Church. Intertitle: 'after the Service' The bride and groom pose for the camera with other guests around. Intertitle: 'Reception at Hill Top School, cutting the cake' the, adult bridesmaids pose for the camera holding flowers, as do other guests. Intertitle: 'The Happy Pair' The newly weds pose outside a house with guests milling around. They then get into a car. There is a gathering of well wishers on a railway station platform, where the newlyweds board a train. The steam train (locomotive 41382) pulls off with the newlyweds waving out the window. Intertitle: 'Lota of happiness - Always' End


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Things aren't going well for Jonny in the villa
With one of the most explosive recouplings EVER having just gone down, you'd be forgiven for thinking Love Island couldn't get any more dramatic.
But hold up, people – there could be more chaos on the way as fans are wondering if Jonny Mitchell has QUIT the show after getting frustrated by Tyla Carr growing close to love rival Theo Campbell.
Did Caroline Flack just let slip a BIG Love Island prize money twist?
A preview clip shown at the end of Sunday night's episode – which was filled with tension between Jonny and Tyla following newbie Theo's decision to pair up with the model – showed Jonny confessing that he needed to escape the villa due to the drama.
'I literally feel like I've got nowhere to turn, it's doing my f****** head in,' Jonny says in footage of him talking in the Beach Hut.
He's then seen chatting to Marcel Somerville who tells him: 'If you leave now…'
Appearing to talk about Tyla, Jonny adds: '"I don't think she'd give a f*** anyway to be totally honest with you.'
Ouch. Tyra is then seen talking to Theo and explaining to him: 'I just get bored, I just don't want my mind to wander elsewhere.'
And all in all this ends up with a very exasperated Jonny threatening to LEAVE.
'I just need to get out of this place,' the Essex boy tells the camera. DRAMZ alert.
This has got everyone wondering if Jonny might be seen quitting the series in Monday night's episode.
Now after everything that kicked off between Jonny and nation's sweetheart Camilla Thurlow (i.e. when he ditched her for Tyla), it's fair to say that Mr Mitchell isn't the most popular with many viewers and some aren't too fazed about the idea of him leaving.
''I need to get out of this place' THE DOOR IS OPEN JONNY BYE HUN XXXXXX #loveisland,' one viewer wrote on Twitter, whilst another said: 'Really hope Jonny leaves the villa tonight!! He makes me so angry! #Loveisland #bypal'
Oh dear, this could be interesting!
It comes after tensions arose between Jonny and Tyla on Sunday night's episode, with the two falling out and Tyla admitting she'd gone 'backwards' in her feelings for him.
We seriously cannot wait to see what goes down here.


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From Cordoba to Granada to Malaga, Private Tour, 9 days
DAY 1: Arrival to Madrid & Train to Cordoba
Exploring Cordoba HighlightsWelcome to Spain! Upon arrival, your driver meets you at the airport and transfers you to the railway station for a high-speed train ride to Cordoba (first class tickets are included). Upon arrival, you are transferred to your downtown hotel.
The rest of the day is free so you can start exploring the magnificent old town on your own, dine in one of the authentic local restaurants or take a good rest in your comfortable room.
No meals included.
DAY 2: Exploring Cordoba Highlights
Following breakfast, you meet your private guide at the hotel lobby and enjoy a 3-hour guided walking tour around the most outstanding sights of Cordoba that used to be the largest city of Roman Spain.
While exploring the city with your guided tour you see the beautiful Roman Bridge, the famous 14th-century Royal Castle - Alcazar de los Reyes Cristianos, and the Great Mosque of Cordoba that is the oldest mosque in Europe.
After the tour of Cordoba, you have the rest of the day at leisure.
Breakfast is included.
DAY 3: Day Trip to Alhambra of Granada
After breakfast, you walk to the railway station for your short train ride to Antequera.
Upon arrival, you meet your guide and driver at the station and enjoy a picturesque panoramic ride through the city of Antequera - the town that combines significant influence of Moorish, Roman and Spanish cultures.
Then you are transferred to Granada, the beautiful city located at the foot of the Sierra Nevada mountains and known as the last stronghold of the Moors in Western Europe. You discover the main treasure of Granada and Spain's most visited attraction - the Alhambra Fortress that used to be the residence of the Muslim rulers and their court. Together with your private guide you get to know this historical place and get awe-inspired by its numerous arabesques, porticos, pools and Islamic ornamental masterpieces of its hallways.
After the tour and time for lunch, your driver transfers you to the Antequera railway station for your train back to Cordoba. Upon arrival, rest of the day is free.
Breakfast and lunch are included.
DAY 4: Train to Seville & Flamenco Show
Today following breakfast you check out from your hotel, meet your driver and head for the station for a train to Seville. Upon arrival to Seville, you are transferred to your hotel.
In the evening prepare for one of the highlights of your trip - a visit to flamenco performance. The show venue is located within walking distance from your hotel.
Breakfast is included.
DAY 5: Visit of the Seville Cathedral & Alcazar
After breakfast at your hotel, you meet with your guide in the hotel lobby and have a panoramic city tour of Seville.
Today you get to experience authentic Andalusian spirit in one of its most important cities. Your sightseeing program features top sights starting from the symbol of the city - the Giralda Tower that used to be a minaret back in the days. You then visit the Seville Cathedral, a Roman Catholic cathedral that is the third-largest church in the world. It was built in the 16th century to demonstrate power and wealth of the city. Next on your list is the beautiful Real Alcazar of Seville - the oldest European royal residence composed of a group of buildings from different time periods. Cathedral and Alcazar along with General Archive of the Indies are registered by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site.
The rest of the day after the tour is at leisure.
Breakfast is included.
DAY 6: Free Day in Seville and Optional Tours
This day is free for you to enjoy and explore Seville on your own. Alternatively, you can join one of our carefully planned optional day trips to Jerez & Cadiz or Ronda & White Village.
Breakfast is included.
DAY 7: Train to Malaga & Malaga City Tour
Following breakfast, you check out from your hotel and meet your private driver who transfers you to the station for train to Malaga. Upon arrival, you are transferred to your hotel for check-in.
Later you meet your private guide at the hotel lobby and go on a wonderful 3-hour walking sightseeing tour of the Old Town of Malaga. During the tou, you take a walk through its cozy narrow streets enjoying the medieval city atmosphere, see the 10th-century Moorish castle and admire the beauty of the Malaga Cathedral from both inside and outside.
After the tour you return to your hotel. The rest of the day is free, so you can continue exploring Malaga on your own (we suggest visiting the Picasso Museum), have some rest or buy traditional souvenirs.
Breakfast is included.
DAY 8: Free Day in Malaga
This day is free for you to enjoy and explore Malaga on your own. Alternatively, you can go on an optional hiking trip in Caminito del Rey.
Breakfast is included.
DAY 9: Departure from Malaga
Today is the last day of your journey around Spain. Your driver meets you in the hotel lobby and takes you to the airport. We hope to see you soon again!
Breakfast is included.
We thoroughly enjoyed our trip to Portugal and Spain and were grateful all along the way for the attention to detail and selection of such wonderful guides. Each guide was thoughtful, punctual, full of information and excellent at communicating in English
- Susanne Hoder about her trip with us
Thanks so very much for our guided trip to Spain. Judy and I had a wonderful time. Our guides were fantastic. The hotels were great and we received a real taste of Spanish culture
- Larry & Judith Nibbelink about their trip with us
Our trip to Spain was everything we have been dreaming of and more! The thing that shocked me most was that every point of the tour was soo well-organized! Everything went like clockwork. All drivers were on time and even early, and transfers went smoothly without even one little hitch
- Selena & Daniel about their trip with us
Took the Spanish Delight (Private Experience program). We did have a very good trip. Everything arranged went well, really flawless—thanks very much! We particularly enjoyed the knowledgeable and fun guides in Cordoba, Seville and Granada
- Paul Weiden about his trip with us
Just wanted to pass along some feedback regarding mine and Sandra's trip to Spain and Portugal. It was fabulous. Everything you set up went perfectly. It was truly the trip of a lifetime.
- Janis Warner about her trip with us
Call us to learn more about our tours to Spain & request personalized itinerary quote


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| 10.5°C Belfast
Two former soldiers have been acquitted of raping Corporal Anne-Marie Ellement, who was found hanged in her barracks two years later.
Cpl Ellement died at Bulford Barracks in Wiltshire on October 9 2011, almost exactly two years after alleging that she was raped by two soldiers while stationed in Germany in November 2009.
Thomas Fulton and Jeremy Jones, both 28, insisted Cpl Ellement had engaged in a consensual threesome after drinking with them in the corporals' mess at the camp in Sennelager.
A seven-strong board of civil servants and senior military officers at Bulford Court Martial Centre found both Fulton and Jones not guilty of two charges of raping Cpl Ellement.
Following the verdicts, Judge Jeff Blackett told the defendants: "Thomas Fulton and Jeremy Jones: your conduct on 20 November was disgraceful.
"This is not a moral judgment and I make no comment upon sexual practices involving more than two people.
"But the way you treated Anne-Marie after your encounter was extremely unpleasant.
"After engaging in sex you effectively discarded her while you decided to go off to town without a thought for how she might be feeling or how she might get back to her accommodation safely.
"For Mr Fulton to call her those very unpleasant names including the word 'slag' was truly dishonourable.
"You may have grown up in the seven years since this incident and I hope you will never act in such an appalling way again.
"When you look back on what happened you must feel very ashamed.
"Having said that, you are now free to go and you are to leave the courtroom now before I clear the court."
The verdicts follow a lengthy fight for justice by Cpl Ellement's family, as the case was originally dismissed in 2010.
Judge Blackett said: "This case should have been heard five years ago.
"The extreme delay in bringing this case to court ultimately prejudiced the defendants, Anne-Marie and justice generally."
The judge added that it was "absolutely correct" for the proceedings to be reinstituted, "not withstanding the ultimate outcome".
In March 2014, coroner Nicholas Rhinberg said the "lingering mental effects" of the alleged rape were a factor in Cpl Ellement's suicide.
Mr Rhinberg found Cpl Ellement believed she had been raped and was strongly affected by the "deeply humiliating experience".
His comments came following the second inquest into Cpl Ellement's death, which took place after her family used Article 2 of the Human Rights Act to demand a fresh hearing.
The family, represented by Liberty, also fought for a fresh investigation into the rape allegations against Fulton, from Chester, and Jones, from Carmarthenshire.
The case was later investigated by the RAF Police, who worked with civilian officers from Bedfordshire Police and the Crown Prosecution Service.
Fulton and Jones, who left the Army in 2014 and 2013 respectively, were each charged with two counts of rape in October last year and their trial began on April 11.
The eight-day trial heard Cpl Ellement was drinking in the corporals' mess in Sennelager with Fulton, Jones and two other soldiers on the evening of November 19 2009.
Cpl Ellement, dressed in a brown cardigan and jeans, went to the bar at about 10pm after drinking two bottles of beer in her quarters.
Fulton - the boyfriend of Cpl Ellement's friend Cpl Sarah Noteyoung - had just completed his first shift as the orderly sergeant at the Royal Military Police station.
Witnesses described how Fulton, Jones and Cpl Ellement began flirting with each other and were kissing and touching as they drank together.
Fulton and Jones were heard discussing a threesome, which Fulton later suggested to Cpl Ellement, then aged 28.
The three colleagues went upstairs to Jones's room at about 12.30am, where both men had sex with Cpl Ellement.
Judge Blackett said: "I also want to say something about the culture of the Royal Military Police in Sennelager in 2009.
"We have heard much about drinking to excess, sexual relationships between colleagues, intention to go places that were out of bounds in the local town.
"The RMP more than other soldiers are required to uphold the standards and values of the British Army, and to investigate those who fall below those standards.
"It appears to me that 110 Provost Company fell woefully short of those standards themselves.
"We all know of the dangers of excessive drinking.
"The reason that casual sexual relations between colleagues in the same unit are discouraged is because of the potential adverse effect they may have on morale and on operational effectivity.
"This case demonstrates that and I hope that the RMP have learned lessons from the evidence that we have heard in this trial."
Cpl Ellement was found naked apart from her brown cardigan and crying in the corridor of her accommodation block at 1.37am.
She immediately alleged that she had been raped and sexually assaulted.
Fulton and Jones were in a taxi on their way to a nightclub in Sennelager when they received a call instructing them to return to camp as Cpl Ellement was upset.
Both men were then arrested.
In a police interview in 2014, Fulton said: "I am really sorry she killed herself.
"I wish something had been done to help her. I wish she had got the help she needed but it wasn't my responsibility.
"I was trying to get on with my own life. I'm having my life blown to pieces by this. She lied about this incident.
"I wouldn't have cared if she was mistaken or too drunk but she lied about it. She said I held her down but I didn't.
"I haven't done anything wrong."
Ex-corporals Fulton, formerly of 174 Provost Company 3 Royal Military Police, and Jones, 28, formerly of Close Protection Unit Royal Military Police Operations Wing, left court through a military exit.
Emma Norton, lawyer for Liberty which represents Cpl Ellement's family, said: "The verdict of the court is respected and accepted.
"It is now more than six years since Anne-Marie reported being raped and it is more than four years since she died.
"The family would like to take this opportunity to thank the police officers that worked so hard - from the RAF Police and Bedfordshire Police - and all the lawyers from the prosecuting team.
"The commitment and diligence they have shown is something to which all those who report rape ought to be entitled.
"Anne-Marie was entitled to have her allegations investigated while she was still alive. As the judge himself noted in very strong terms, this case should have been heard five years ago.
"The family welcome the judge's comments about the extremely unpleasant and dishonourable conduct of the defendants. They share the judge's concerns about the culture within the Royal Military Police.
"The history of this case, and how it took six long years for it to come to court, reveals grave deficiencies in the policies and practices of those responsible for investigating sexual offences committed against members of the armed forces.
"Had it not been for the tenacity and strength of Anne-Marie's family and their willingness to challenge the extraordinary reluctance of the Ministry of Defence (MoD), the military police and the Army prosecuting authority to investigate the allegations, this case would never have come to court.
"After such a long struggle the family now asks for time to reflect upon the verdict. Above all today their thoughts are with Anne-Marie."


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Showing results for tags 'hope'.
Found 13 results
Life is...Life is, in a word, ridiculous. I will never understand how people can go through life with complete faith in one thing, when things happen daily that cause me to question everything I think I know! Sometimes I feel like there has to be a loving God looking out for us, but other times I feel like however we got here, we're on our own now. It is hard to reconcile the evidence when it is so contradictory. On the one hand, you have man's capacity for love and intimate relationships, free will and knowledge, growth and ability to change, acts of anonymous kindness and global goodwill that bring tears to your eyes. On the other, you have endless examples of man's willingness to destroy, the greed and pettiness and judgment and fear that seems to drive us so often, the starving and the desperate left to die without aid from the mega-rich, hoarding their millions away without a thought towards those less fortunate… There are earthquakes and mudslides and hurricanes and fires and tornadoes and tsunamis and everything that tells us nature is against us, it's a battle for supremacy or the act of an angry creator wiping out his disappointing creation....And yet you also have rainbows and sunsets, the water cycle in its simple brilliance, the beauty of the oceans and the mountains and the forests, the changing seasons, and how everything seems to be interrelated somehow. All of this beauty totally at odds with all of the ugliness - is it meant to be a balance? Sometimes I think so. But then there's the more hurtful proofs, the things that happen to us in our own lives. Weeks like this, when the hits just keep on coming and it seems that everywhere I turn there is another example of how absolutely horrible life can be, it is so easy to see the bad and it feels almost impossible to see any of the good. A friend asked me to tell her something good that happened to me the other day, and for the longest time I couldn't think of anything. Not even one small thing, and it's not that absolutely nothing positive had happened, it was just that my perspective had been so focused on the bad that I couldn't recognize anything else. I know I've had no shortage of times like this, and in these moments there's no amount of rainbows or sunsets or shooting stars or unicorns that could make me feel that the good outweighs the bad or even that somehow it balances out. In these moments I'm convinced that things are hopeless. But somehow, every time, I find myself having hope. Maybe that's just life. And like I said, life is ridiculous.
AlyssaLane posted a blog entry in Life can be GarbageSometimes, I still feel like that child. That scared shitless kid hiding in a closet, hoping that all of this will end. Waiting for the yelling to stop and for the threat to go away. Hoping that this won't happen again. That I'll be okay and that I can just go about my life normally like I did before all of this began. Deep down, I'm still that 11 year old girl who feels the hope depleting from their spirit. Who feels the light drain from their life. She's still there. When most people look at me, they see a growing woman. Someone who's "going places" in life. And when I tell them I'm more destined to kill myself or end up a failure, they look at me like I'm a joke. Like I'm joking. Like what I'm saying is something to be laughed at. Like that's just "my sense of humor." I've spent a lot of time these past few years working to stop hating myself. I haven't done the best job. Some days I feel like I've made and others I want to throw myself off a building. But I've tried endlessly to reconcile what I feel with who I am now. People will always tell you that you need to learn to love yourself. In order to love the rest of the world, in order to live a positive life...you have to love yourself. Or at least like yourself. What they don't tell you is you have to love every part of yourself. What I've done all these years is repress my 11 year old self. I didn't love her. I pushed her back into that closet and let her live in fear. I've let those horrible moments be her entire existence. That's the only life she's known so fear is the only thing I know everyday of my life. Anxiety. Sleepless nights. This endless cycle. I need to unlock that closet. And let her out. Reconcile what she feels with the rest of myself. I hate her. I hate that scared, weak child. I blame her. For not being stronger or louder or faster. I blame her for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. In my mind, for years, she's been what ruined my life. That's not true. And I need to realize and reconcile the truth with who she is now. With who I am now. I'm someone who survived something awful. And I didn't fall into the woodwork. I didn't give up. I didn't become another at risk teen who couldn't make it. I didn't become another rape victim who kills herself-- though I have tried and sometimes consider it. I didn't become just another statistic for some report. I'm so much more than that. Every one of us is so much more than that. My life would just be another news story. Another thing that people forget about. Typical. Forgettable. But if I keep fighting I have the potential to change my life. To change the lives of others. To make an impact. People will see me for who I am rather than what I was. For what happened to me. I'm more than that one moment in life...though it often does define much of my character. I'm a survivor. And whoever you are, most likely if you're reading this, so are you. I know things are hard. I know just how fucking painful all of this is-- even years later. It's hard. It's always going to be there. It's never going to be easy. But you have to love every part of yourself. You have to reconcile your emotions. Settle this inner turmoil. No matter what you have to do. I'm still trying. Still working. Don't let this give you the impression that I'm okay. That I'm healed. I'm still working on it. Still trying. Everyday. And if you need someone to talk to...if you need help...shoot me a message. I'm always here. For anyone who needs it. Even if I can't give the best advice or give any answers. I know that sometimes all you need is for someone to listen. -Lane.
Days Go By
AlyssaLane posted a blog entry in Life can be GarbageThe days go by. Slowly. One by one. Life travels sometimes at what feels like a snail's pace. Everyday is just another trial of what I can really get through. Or another test of whether or not I can make it. Some days, I wake up and I won't to put a bullet in my head. Getting up feels impossible. Survival feels improbable. I have a hard time seeing any reason to be alive anymore. I feel hopeless. Worthless. Like a shell of a human being. I'm not who I used to be. I'm nothing like who I used to be. I used to be happy and full of life. Now, though, I'm scared and constantly wanting to disappear. There are these brief moments, however, when I feel okay. When I feel like the days will go by and I will one day be normal and adjusted. There will be a time where the nights go by without fear or nightmares. A time when I'm healthy and healed and what happened was just a memory rather than a defining part of my entire character. I just know, though, that that simply is not realistic. I will never get there. Some days, I can only see my future as painful and fearful. A time where the days will continue to go by slowly. Each day feeling like a lifetime. I had a dream once, where I was 40 years old and still the same. I was still scared and jumpy. In my dream, I was just as lonely as I am now. Just as isolated. I lived alone. I was destined, at that point to die alone. There are brief moments, though, where I can see potential. Potential for life to be new and different. Where I can be something more. Where I'll fall in love and get married. Have a family and pets. A house with one of those picket fences. I have the teaching job I always wanted. I work everyday and I'm happy. I'm okay. I don't cry at night. I don't get scared in the dark. I don't feel alone in the days. I'm still young-- I technically have time. I just know that that reality is too idealistic for myself. I know that can't be me. I know that I'm destined to forever be confined to my own prison of fear. It's torturous. No one understands me. No one understands why I'm so afraid. Why I'm so alone and purposefully isolated. I can't tell if it's better that way or not. Once people profess to understand you, they make assumptions and they make judgements. They make suggestions and intrude on your life. They tell you what helped them assuming you're the same. Or they force things on you. They tell you that it's your fault you're like this. That you need to move on and to get over it. They don't realize that you've been trying for trying to do just that for years. Get over it. Now that's the real dream. To be "over it." But, again, I don't think that's a reality that I'm going to be able to achieve. The days will continue to just go by. One by one. Day by day.
Just A Girl
Angelcake2546 posted a blog entry in NeverendingtearsTo believe that everyone cares and to find out that they really don't care is the worst way to feel. It's the worst feeling in the world. And you sit at home contemplating how your life even got to be a mess. You sit at your glass table by your laptop, attempting to spill your heart out - Although, this blog posting may only get one read or two. Reason why, because I'm that invisible girl that everyone knows me for. I'm that girl that can be easily passed by on the streets and everyone would assume she's okay when she's not. I'm that girl that has been through an incredible amount of pain and regret, yet nobody cares, or does not want to care. I'm that girl that has been banned from all support groups especially when that was the only help I had for myself. I'm that girl that can't quit assert herself and lets other take advantage of me. I'm that girl that will be used again and again and again - Nobody understands the hurt they have caused - Because it's a never ending cycle and to be completely honest is too hard. So we result to our mean ways - To be cruel. I'm that girl that you can manipulate and lie about just so you can please yourself and others. I'm that girl that has been sexually assaulted three times by individuals half my age. One time, by a sixty year old man. And as he lay on top of me, the only thought in my mind was this: "Why did I leave home?" If I hadn't of left my Mom's place, I wouldn't be in this mess. I wouldn't be struggling through addictions nor would I have burned all these bridges with different organizations that now hate my guts - And I hate them too. I'm that girl that you can mock and mock and mock and nobody would stand and do or say anything. Just for the fun of it. I'm like a doll. You can easily manipulate and torture me in whatever way possible. Because it's easier that way. Because this is the way our society is. I'm that girl that endlessly cries in hope that someone hears. However, we're in the middle of nowhere with trees and bushes and nobody can hear. Even if I scream, nobody can hear. The closest sign of civilization is about three hours away walking distance, up at a local convenience store. But whose going to care? That's right - Nobody. I'm also that girl that does not deserve any help whats so ever. I deserve to wallow in my tears and die because that's all I'm good at; this is my destiny. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cursed or something from all the hurt I've done to others in the past and even today. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve all of these horrible things happening to me. Often, I believe this may be the case. As much as I don't want to believe it, I know it's true. I'm cursed and known to be invisible by everyone. I can't wait until the next guy abuses me... AGAIN. ~
Blog pilot: Conquer
Kkhateera posted a blog entry in Project: HeroI don't know the first thing about writing a blog. All I know is I survived. There is more of me broken than functional - but something small, somewhere inside me persists that that will not always be the case. So here I am, writing about it. (For all intents and purposes, and I still wan't nothing to do with them, my abuser will be called "X") I was with someone, who didn't care. I was with SEVERAL someones who didn't care, at least about me. However, this one in particular had brought me lower than I have ever been. We met under incredibly ordinary circumstances, nowhere I would consider special, and he was so handsome, confident, driven and direct. He knew what he wanted in life. He was charming and exotic, and I was definitely interested. He approached me, we exchanged numbers and I stepped on the path that many of you readers unfortunately have traveled. I like to think it was because I was young, or maybe that I was naive that I didn't see all the red flags. Down the road though I genuinely believed it was my fault that everything went down as it did because I wasn't strong enough and felt like I couldn't say no - even when I did. He used me however he pleased - regardless of if I said "no". He'd just go for it; wherever he wanted, however he wanted, and on his terms. Most of the time I'd go along with it because it was easier, less hassle and would be over with sooner. I felt obliged - I was with him. I remember searching for help and seeing articles of people staying in crazy relationships - but when you're with someone long enough, certain things become the norm, and you adapt and become numb. That's what I did. How could I leave the one I loved? The one I'd given up everything for? I was so invested, I left everything for him and his family. I spent countless hours helping his family run/build a business for free (which is still successful), writing their business plan, legalities, taking his siblings to school, getting things for the business, taking care of the animals, helping his mom with things around the house, working at a new job one of his brothers had finagled for me because he liked the lady who was later my boss(so I felt indebted to X's oldest brother). You name it. I had obligations, they depended on me and I began to live with them because I didn't want to let them down, and I wanted to matter so badly (This I chalk up to my home life as well as how X treated me). Also, I felt obligated. How could I say no? I was scared to say no. I fought endlessly with my mother about my living situation and defended him because I believed that I loved him, that he was really worth it, loved me and would treat me better when I deserved it. He still doesn't know everything that happened to me. Really, I don't think anybody does. Not even my therapist. I refused to admit that I was raped when coming out of the hospital because I didn't want to see X or deal with him or any of my other aggressors again and if I caused them real trouble they'd come after me. I refused to see his dark side! I countered it with good qualities or at least mentally altered his qualities into good ones just so I could get by. I tried everything I could to make us work because a committed relationship is something you've gotta work at right? I knew I was so helpful to these people, and that was good for me but I also knew I was incredibly disposable at the same time. I couldn't just LEAVE, could I? Well, X wasn't my first assailant and I hadn't had any REAL lessons in creating boundaries or learning to say no at this point in life. I was the perfect prey and I hated myself because I didn't know what I was doing wrong or what it was that I couldn't see. I was the pretty, caged canary forced to sing at his leisure...either that or he was the prowling cat looking to eat its favorite parts one piece at a time. He'd force himself on me, occasionally promising "just one more time" - swearing that it would be the last - but it never stopped and it only got worse. All the way until the only way I thought I could end it would be dying. Yes. Dying. "Dying? Isn't that extreme? Couldn't you just leave?" No. No, because in my mind there was no way out. I tried to leave, but he was so good at the mind games. He'd have me crawling back saying sorry, feeling guilty that I had left and grateful that I had returned, often turning to extremes to get me to come back. When things would get so bad he'd make grand gestures to show he'd "changed" and every damn time I'd believe him. There was no way that all of this was happening and he didn't see it as wrong. Surely he would change, wouldn't he? For me? For love? Spoiler alert: It got worse. He wasn't just sexually abusive and emotionally - physical abuse came swiftly after discussing marriage. You have to understand that THIS was my world of relationships. I didn't really SEE how horrendous this was because I didn't know any better, and I was numb. Whatever better there was out there just wasn't for me or didn't exist. I still grieve that I wasn't loved the way I deserved. For many a partner I was mistreated, abused, and expected to be fine. It was a never ending roller coaster of feeling strong and then weak on a loop from standing up after being broken. The day I decided to die, I had moved out, but come back to say sorry because I didn't tell him when I was leaving. I told him I was leaving him, but I didn't say when or how or where. I thought he was going to kill me. He glared saying "how could you do this to me, I loved you" while standing in the bathroom doorway because he came back while I loaded everything into my mother's truck. Do understand how messed up I was that I felt like I needed to go back to say how SORRY I was for leaving HIM??? I stayed the night, and he said he wouldn't take me back. If HE of all people who cared the least and yet the most about me didn't want me back - no one would. I officially lost my value and that morning I didn't go to work, I hid a large kitchen knife in my waistband and told everyone there (his brothers were living with us at the time for free and I was the only source of income because he refused to get another job after leaving his other one) I was going to shower. Blood can't clot if it's still wet. I closed the broken bathroom door, and went to work. The first few cuts were almost nice because the pain was better than the emptiness I felt and I felt alive, but my body shortly decided to numb the area and I was able to go deeper and farther running my arms and the backs of my ankles under water to prevent the clotting. One of our dogs pushed open the door because I was crying, I pushed them out and got blood on his face. X saw this and screamed at me "What did I tell you??? WHAT did I tell you?!" He told me that if I was gonna go die I should do it outside by the parking spot of our duplex. So, I proceeded to the door to go do so and he slammed the door in my face to prevent me from going out and hit me so hard across the face. The force that he hit me with registered, but I was light headed and numb from blood loss and filled with adrenaline and anger - so I didn't feel it and I hit him back - which I had never done, at least like this. I had lost so much blood in my arms that my hands were in fists and curling back to my body downwards, so hitting him was more like swinging a club or dead arm, and I couldn't feel it, but I know it was hard - and he hit back, even harder. We went at it for a moment as he continued to say that all he cared about was how much the blood on the carpet was gonna cost him, how stupid I was, how all this was gonna make him look, what he was supposed to tell people about what happened, etc. One of his brothers came to wrap me up and I wouldn't let him, I just kept screaming that I wanted to die. I had no value, I had no self worth, and the people that had ever claimed to love me did unspeakable things to me. I was nothing. I passed out from blood loss, his brother took me to the hospital because X wanted to shower and get spiffed up before going to the hospital. How do I know this? He said so "YOU go take her to the hospital. I need to go take a shower first." I just wanted to die. I gave everything I had and I had no will to live. I hated him. I hated that I loved him. I hated that I loved him and he didn't give a _____ about me. I did everything for him and his family, and he couldn't have cared less. Maybe he could have? He could have not come at all. He could have just locked the door behind me while I died outside, but as far as I'm concerned I was nothing to him and it was his appearance he was trying to save. It was never about ME, it was always about HIM. I had small moments of consciousness like being carried to the emergency room by his one good brother Q, being put in the wheelchair, getting my 20+ staples, seeing X & Q standing in the hallway, X looking and smelling like he was going to a formal event.... X never visited or called me in recovery/rehab, and his reasons for why were lies. I called him to see if he was coming, and he always said he would, but never did and had the cleverest of excuses which were validated as lies by S. I went to therapy and rehab and never admitted to being repeatedly raped, or abused. I didn't want to get him in trouble, nor did I want to get involved with the police, court, or with any of the other miserable people who had done similar things to me. I knew that If I caused problems, especially legal problems which would compromise their business and a dozen other things, I knew that they'd come after me. I blocked his number and cut as many ties as I could conceive and one day he called me from a number I didn't recognize. He wanted me back. He was making a grand gesture again for change that we could be happy and promising all the things I wanted to hear. However, enough was enough, and I said no. I said no and when he persisted I reinforced my no, with REASONS! I wasn't helpless anymore. I was done, I was out, and in my own little way I had won. in rehab and therapy I didn't want to confess or share my abusive truths because I wanted to escape the pain, block it out, pretend it never happened, and I couldn't do that if I ever saw them again, especially a court hearing or someone coming after me because X was in jail etc. Many of my exes were incredibly physical while others were strictly verbal and emotional and I didn't have a clue on how to get better. I just went into rehab as a depressed teenager who had a lousy home life, low self esteem, particularly bad relationship and break up, self harmed, and opted for suicide. My brain did a miraculously terribly thing which was block out all my traumatic events. Miraculous because there were times after my safety plan was made and I was released from the hospital's rehab facility that I was normal. I didn't have that darkness haunting or plaguing me. However, it created abrupt triggers when my brain made connections to real life and my barricaded memories, like it dug under the wall and leaked it out. Because of it, I get the worst PTSD episodes and I am back in the moments where I am not safe. I'm starting to master not suppressing, and learning not to be overwhelmed, but let's be real here, it still happens more than I'd like to admit. This caused me problems in my marriage which is now over - which is an entirely different can of worms as he was very mentally controlling and abusive - thank goodness and am now in the arms of the sweetest, most gentle man who is my best friend, know no bounds of building me up, making sure I know I'm his top priority, understands why I may react in strange ways, knows my pain and why I am the way I am - and I could never be more grateful for the love, and compassion he gives me without guile or expectancy. Dear reader, Just because hell was your romping ground doesn't mean you can't find your way to heaven. There is hope even when there is none and if you look you will always be able to find it. Dark times and hard times can make for a beautifully strong, unstoppable, unyielding spirit and mind. I am still healing, but I'm in a safe place, and SO much more of a person than I was. What once was a whisper is now a shout and the times that ensnared me made me who I am now. I can stand up for myself, I know my worth, I know more aspects of myself. I am weak no longer. I came out strong and I conquered. You can conquer too. I needed help, but ulitimately it was up to me to make decisions towards a better destination. Only I could save myself. I am my own hero.
I Was 2 Years Old
lalafrecklegirl posted a blog entry in Thank you for what you have taught meI was two years old when it all started. My Mom had just given birth to my very sick baby sister. Dad was stressed out. and i was the relief. I blame myself as most others do. and now that I'm finally an adult, I'm pressing charges.
I finally made it here alive, Thank you all in advance.
MrPep posted a topic in Public: Welcome!So Hello, I am new, I am hopeful, I am MrPep. I feel like our cruise ship capsized and I finally washed up on this Island. I'm looking for My spouse I know she is around here somewhere. I am looking at all these new faces, what's interesting is I know every single one of you, I love you all and I feel at peace for once. Thank you for having me.
The Beginning
survivor122509 posted a blog entry in Eternal MiseryIn the beginning, I was naive. I didn't listen to anything my parents would tell me about safety because I just knew that nothing bad would ever happen to me. My mom would always grab me and hold me before I walked out the door. "Come back to me in one piece." She would always tell me. I always brushed it off. I was too special to be one of those kids. I would always make it home. I made it through years of carelessness and foolishness. My favorite holiday growing up was Christmas. All of my siblings would get together with their kids and spouses and we would just have a ball. My dad would cook some big elaborate meal and we sat down to eat it as a family. One of the only times a year we ate as a family. Then, when we were completely done with our celebration, my siblings and I would all go over to my brother's home with his kids and wife. One year, 2009, we celebrated Christmas a day early because my mom had to work on Christmas. It was a wonderful day. I got everything I asked for, being the youngest child and all. By far the best celebration we ever had. Like every year, when we were done, two of my brothers and I went to his house to play our new Xbox games and watch our new seasons of Family Guy. We will call the older of the two, J and the younger of the two, A. We were at J's house. His wife took the kids to her mother's so they could celebrate Christmas the next morning with them. My brother gave me his laptop and told me to go to my nephews' room so they wouldn't disturb me and vice versa. My nephews had bunk-beds, so I climbed up to the top, excited about getting to watch my new DVD's. I would come out of the room every once in a while to grab something to drink. Once, there was a man standing out there with my brothers. J told him he couldn't stay that night since I was there. I guess J and his wife had a roommate and this was her boyfriend. They had the same name, but spelled differently. She is C and he is K. Anyways, I noticed the look K kept giving me. I felt a little sketchy about it, but didn't think twice about it. I was only 12 and no one had ever bothered to look at me with sensual eyes before. Or even dangerous eyes. I retreated back to the room and continued to watch. Then, at around 1:30 Christmas Morning, K came into the room. He brought me a drink and asked if I wanted it. He told me him and C went to the McDonald's right down the street and they didn't want the drink. I told him no thanks. He kept staring at me. Told me how beautiful I was. He grabbed a lock of my long curly hair and twirled it in his fingers. I asked him not to touch me because I didn't feel comfortable. He then asked me to come down to his level and talk and I refused. I wanted to leave, but there was no way out. Next thing I know, he's got his hands under my arms and is picking me up off the bed (these beds aren't very tall, the child who slept on top of it was only 6). I'm kicking and screaming, telling him to get off of me and begging for someone to help me. He brought me out into the walk-in closet in the living room and pulled out a knife. He pushed it against my left hip and covered my mouth. I'll never forget his cold-blooded voice. "Scream, and I'll use this." He dug it in a little, enough to make it bleed. Then he pulled down my sweats and panties and before I know it, he was inside of me. I wanted to scream so bad. I started bleeding down there too, and I didn't understand what was going on. I never knew that I would bleed. I thought I was dying...I HOPED I was dying. I wanted nothing more than my brothers to come in and save the day. But no one was there for me when I needed them most. I know it didn't really last for hours, but that's what it felt like. It felt like forever for him to get off me. He finished inside of me and then told me not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I laid there, sobbing, glad it was over. I waited in the closet until I knew for sure that he left. I walked out of the closet and went to the bathroom. I made myself look presentable and walked right back out into the living room. There they were, my brothers. They walked to the McDonald's THEMSELVES and got a ton of food. I smiled and pretended to be okay, but I was limping. A noticed and asked what was wrong and I just told him I jumped off the bunk a little too fast. That night I slept extra close to J. I woke up really sore and I forced him to bring me home. I never went back to stay with him after that. That wonderful Christmas Day was tainted and I have NEVER been able to enjoy another Christmas since.
Hello From A New Member
thriving2 posted a topic in Public: Welcome!I started the recovery process almost 25 years ago and rarely think about having been sexually abused. Twenty years ago, I wrote a book about recovering from sexual abuse but couldn't find a publisher. After retiring, I brought my manuscript out, revised and expanded it and got it published earlier this month. I want to help others recover and give them hope when they are going through the pain and suffering of the recovery process. I look forward to getting to know others here and providing support.
Immitating Peace
VintageCrayon posted a blog entry in My PoetryNature's warm candlelight glows and reflects Off her beautiful gown of solid white, Illuminating her dark empty space, Resulting in peaceful short-term delight. Sitting thoughtfully beside my window, I try to mimic this inspiration. Dressed in white - with a candle in my hand, I recreate peace by imitation...
Wishing Upon A Moon
VintageCrayon posted a blog entry in My PoetryThe moon is spilling through the window pane Its tranquil beauty capturing my eyes Illuminating the navy blue skies Revealing silhouettes the world contains Moonlight and shadows spill across my face While an orchestra outside fills my ears Crickets' lullabies are heard loud and clear Their peaceful music filling empty space As the moon is spilling through the window I gaze upon its surface dimly lit Wond'ring if a loved one also sees it Such a thought sets my heart and smile aglow The moon is spilling through the window pane Inspiring hope that cannot be restrained
The Purest Prayer
VintageCrayon posted a blog entry in My PoetryMy baby sister, she's my love She's the butter to my bread, But she has a learning disabiliity That she shall never be rid of Though she's phsyically mature, Her mind is somewhat behind. Yet a sweeter soul you'll not find, Of that statement I'm quite sure And on one horrid fateful night, The police came to our house. They took away her dad - mom's spouse, And this gave her quite a fright He did not return from work next day, And naturally she wondered why, "Daddy is sick" was our reply - So she dropped to her knees to pray She begged God to make him better, And as she bargained with the ceiling, My heart had a very strong feeling: That image would stay with me forever...
bonniekate89 posted a gallery image in Members Albums Category


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Surveying the future at the Smart Venue Summit
CN's Smart Venue Summit brought together venue managers and executives to discuss the trends, innovations and challenges which event venues are facing in 2019.
In the build-up to International Confex 2019, Conference News played host to a Smart Venue Summit at the Victory Services Club in Hyde Park, London.
The event on 25 February brought together a selection of international venue managers and executives, for a series of keynotes and panel discussions highlighting the most important trends in event venues, as well as the challenges the sector is currently facing.
Speakers included Pim Schoonderwoerd of RAI Amsterdam (pictured above), Eventbooking president Steve Mackenzie, and Ian Stickland of design consultancy firm Charcoalblue.
Schoonderwoerd was first on the agenda for the afternoon, sitting down with CN editor Martin Fullard for a Q&A session titled "What does a smart venue look like?". He spoke of some of the technological innovations which the RAI has installed in recent years, including facial recognition.
The RAI, he said, is working with event tech company Fielddrive on a system that can recognise event attendees as they enter the venue, speeding up registration and allowing staff to personally greet them. The goal, according to Schoonderwoerd, is not to use technology as an attention-grabbing gimmick, but to have it be an invisible presence that increases the human element of an event, rather than decreasing it. "The more advanced the technology becomes, the more invisible it becomes," he said.
"Virtual reality is an answer, but we don't know to what question."
Schoonderwoerd also touched upon virtual reality, a piece of technology which seems to have enormous potential for events, but which venues and organisers alike have not yet utilised to its full potential: "Virtual reality is an answer, but we don't know to what question," he said.
Eventbooking president Steve Mackenzie then delivered a rundown of the most important tech trends for venues, and case studies of how they have been used effectively. He pointed towards certain American football stadiums that have installed Amazon's AI Alexa in their corporate suites, in order to provide customer service and catering.
Ian Stickland of Charcoalblue then spoke about our changing perceptions of event spaces, and how seating arrangements can have a huge impact on how we engage with an event. He implored organisers to avoid 'cinema' seating layouts, where attendees sit in rows and passively listen to a speaker, and suggested some alternatives. E-sports events, said Stickland, often make use of more immersive 'bowl' seating formats, similar to a boxing ring. "We need to embrace live, and be liberated by technology," he commented.
The conference industry's engagement with new technology is in many ways measured by the venues which host them, and the Smart Venue Summit provided a forum for those on the cutting edge to learn from and inspire each other. It also provided a preview of the thought-provoking content to follow at International Confex 2019.
Photography is credited to Stuart Wood


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Date: February 11th, 2011
And I think to myself: what a wonderful world…
"What a Wonderful World"
Petrelli Mansion
New York City
The clean surface of a polished wood desk gleams in the sunlight coming in through the gently parted drapery. A golden hue is lent to this office in the mid-afternoon; what's untouched by the sun is rich darkness, shadows. It used to belong to one of the Petrelli men, this office; evidence still hearkens back to earlier times. Books on the shelf, Arthur's; a horse statue on the desk, Nathan's. All achievements and names have been boxed. A glass bowl vase of white roses sits on the desk by a computer and a telephone. Upon the screen are names.
Martel …
The screen is dismissed for a new one; Carter, Roman: PROJECTS
Angela sits at the desk as though it's her throne, and its contents representations of her kingdom. Not far from the truth. She pauses her consideration of the technology to address a much more old-fashioned device, turning her wrist toward her and glance at the time set on the elegant wristwatch there. Seconds tick lethargically by into the afternoon, no hustle or bustle around her. The house is as quiet as a crypt. Seven past two. She folds her hands on the desk, a bracelet of many pearls settling upon the dark wood.
A breach into this silent realm, the noise as intruding in its opposition to the quiet as the meaning of its existence: a knock. Swift, business-like, but knuckles warm against the wood, as familiar in friendliness as the face that appears afterward when the door gives way only by this knock, and not by instruction from inside. "Angela Petrelli," Carter comma Roman greets significantly, smiling. The corner of his personally tailored suit brushes the edge of the door, and he lifts the back of a hand to brush away its taint, in turn, giving a shake to something he has clutched leisurely but, in shallow secret, possessively, in both hands.
"Thought I might find you here," he accuses good-naturedly, colleague to colleague — friend to friend. One foot in front of the other, as if it were no trouble at all, he invades her kingdom. "Burrowed away." He drifts right up to the edges of that palace made of her desk. "Denying everyone the pleasure of your appearance." He cannot breach; his hands are full.
"Roman." A strict voice, warmed to friendliness around the edges. Angela's eyes are on the man from the get-go, bearing no surprise, no wonder, not even for that which he has in his hands, no displeasure at his invasion. The cool expectancy of her dark eyes is tempered by a hint of curve at her aging lips. "You can't always give them what they want," she instructs, only the most vague undercurrent of joking beneath. "Then they'll forget what it is they were missing too soon." The matriarch sits back more pin-straight in her tall chair, the shoulders of her cream-colored ladies' blazer squaring regally. She sits straight back into a beam of light; her dark eyes pierce the glow, forever exacting upon Roman. "I'm working to keep this company running without another stumble. I hope you've come here to tell me you've been doing the same."
"People rarely know what they want. You give it to them, and they've moved onto something else. Specks of dust…" not a one to show on his suit, though he passingly inspects the material for impossible flaws. Drifting, and unhurried, the frame of his focus wraps each inventoried item on Angela's desk before gracing the matriarch herself, matching her stare to stare, wit to wit. "That's why you have to tell them." Only the very edge of his mouth tweaks upward, delighting his pleasant face in a touch of hubris, secure and undaunted by this piercing examination by the imposing woman across from him; in fact, agreeing. They're a pair. "What they want." His palm, so fitted to the prize it's entrusted with, smoothes around the frame. "I have it all in hand," is assured to her, "I came to give you a present. As a sign of our mutual work."
It's barely perceptible, the approving nod Angela allows Roman; barely perceptible, that is, save by the perceptive themselves, and through the intense study she keeps up. Simple as that, the subtle commendation and show of faith passes, moves on; nothing more is necessary. "You shouldn't have," she replies, flat of tone: no, really, you shouldn't have, and yet one hand unfolds from the other to gesture: let's have it, then. "Unless of course it's all of your projects, tied up with a bow. Or," she reconsiders, "something that at least matches my office."
That speck of smirk flattens slightly: cute, Angela. It's not, then, his projects in that globular place-setting he's warming with his fingers, but: "In my humble opinion…" With a brush of reluctance, his grip curls away from mastering the shape, letting its squared base plunk heavily onto the authoritative desk, becoming yet another symbol in the opulent looming. "… it goes just right." Focus is off of his sharp eyes, the wry curve of his lips as he says, "Put on a happy face," and even the creaseless skin of fingers as they slip away from what is in perfect clarity: that present. Soon enough, he's even strolling to the door with only a rustle of soft fabrics, expensive shoes that are paid not to squeak.
He's left her the world. In a tight glass ball alternatively secure or smoothing, depending on how you tilt your head to view the roundness of green and blue. Sharp, dark claws like the very shadows of the room it both sits in and vastly represents clutch the circle into its heavy stand — what better to bear its weight.
Her kingdom, the world.
She's alone with her gift and it begs to be explored. Even Angela Petrelli can't help but draw the globe near and examine its expanses. She may lack the childlike wonder of the girl she was once a very long time ago, but she does put on a happy face as, alone, she turns the representation of the earth this way and that, letting her hands run over the smooth glass continents and oceans apppreciatively. She hones in on North America, the United States, every perfect alternating surface; but gradually, furrows darken her brow, smile gone as she focuses scrupulously on passing her fingers over the globe's New York.
Roman is spotless; not a smudge or crack in his perfect image.
The globe, on the other hand, has an uncharacteristic imperfection. The tiniest of bewildering cracks.
It seems harmless at first. Just a crack. A mar. Bit of a distraction in an otherwise unsullied whole, not much, but always able to attract the eye… draw attention away from the immaculate and more pleasing… until distraction has become irritation.
Mar is condition.
Nick is a line: lines of streets, city lines, state lines, country borders, the equator. Now new lines, heedless of the plan of the earth, cutting angles, wicked shapes from old formations in the ground. Fault lines, mountain ranges, ravines: natural structures showing the wear and make of time rend sudden and violent. One side of a continent wrested from the other.
Strange, irregular and indiscriminate shapes are cut forcefully out of the familiar patterning of the Earth, until whole pieces break completely from the mold, tearing off to smack against — nothing —
There's no more glass.
There's only space, and the Earth, as the entire planet is abruptly two separate, irredeemable halves.
Ladies' dress shoes to the edge of a crumpling precipice, Angela stands, blazer and hair battered by disturbed earth choking the air, as the anomalous cliff-faces drive apart — her side, unable to stay together, stumbles, crumples, beneath her toes — while on the other, a shadow's silhouette is cast—
A sharp, sudden intake of air provides the kick-start for Angela to spring her head up from her folded hands; she'd fallen asleep at her desk.
Sunlight strikes her eyes as soon as they open to the quiet office, blearily at first and then with intense realization, complete, jarring, real wakefulness. Instinct brings a hand to her chest and one to the side of her face; her lungs are free to breathe and her skin is clean. Her jarring start has sent the water in the vase of roses rippling. Her hands flatten on the empty surface in front of her as she sits up straighter. No globe. No split earth. Everything is quiet as a crypt.
Slowly regaining composure, Angela smoothes down her cream-colored suit, adjusts the pearls at her wrist, and checks her watch. Three past two.
Her chair spins ever-so-slightly to her right so she may look at the computer screen. Movement brings it from blackness to light, where atop the screen is a familiar header.
Carter, Roman: PROJECTS


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