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The Best 11 Posts of 2011 from Sweetspot.ca
If you only ever check this blog, you're missing out on my other blog at Sweetspot.ca. It's called The Fatherlode (get it?) and there's a new post every Thursday. Unlike this blog where there's a new post every time there's a new post.
Anyhow, here are the eleven best posts for 2011 from that other blog.
FYI, that last picture is not actually of me. I am un-mustachioed.
Halloween Leftovers
Every major holiday has leftovers. But only Halloween has awesome chocolate-y sugary leftovers. This year was the first year my daughter had some of those corn syrupy leftovers. Coincidentally, it was also the first year that she grasped the trick-or-treating concept. As in, people give you candy and you can eat it. (After daddy gets his points on the package).
This year my Elmo-costumed toddler raided a mere six houses, it was enough to partially fill her pumpkin-themed loot bag. Surprisingly there is still candy in that bag.
She didn't gorge and eat all her candy in one sitting like she will in a few years. We didn't let her, and she well, couldn't. Her chubby toddler fingers combined with her toddler dexterity meant she was unable to open her candy.
So instead of opening and eating it, she carries it around. Every day looks like Halloween as she carts around her little trick-or-treat pumpkin.
Normally, as parents we could slowly steal a treat or two from her basket, except we can't because she keeps a tight watch on the treat-filled pumpkin. She guards the candy like a dragon guarding treasure. And she itemizes its contents. Literally.
She empties the basket, counts the goods and places the candy back in the basket.
When she's cataloguing her candy, she looks at each piece inquisitively and asks, "what's that?"
To which we answer the appropriate candy name. She repeats the candy brand name in typical garbled toddler fashion. So Crispy Crunch becomes "Kisbee Unch" and so on.
She can never keep track of the proper nomenclature, so she identifies her candies by packaging colour. Turns out most candy packaging is yellow or red.
Occasionally during her daily itemizing, she will hand out her candy. She gives the candy to her favourite toys and occasionally to my wife and me. She is very specific about who gets what candy. No tradesies but you can eat the candy.
It's delicious. That free candy from strangers that our daughter earned by dressing up as her favourite Muppet.
When she shares her candy with us, we share the candy back with our daughter. We're not monsters. She's allowed to have the occasional treat. Halloween candy is perfectly toddler-sized after all.
A Father's Guide to Halloween Candy
My daughter and I are going trick-or-treating this evening. It's only her second time going door-to-door plundering in costume. Last year, she didn't quite get it and mistook Halloween candy for toys. This year, I've put together a handy guide to explain the ins and outs of what will fill her loot bag.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups – A beautiful combination of peanut butter and chocolate. Hand over to Dad.
Apples – Really? Apples?! Who's giving out apples?!
Candy Apples – Not worth the lost fillings.
Candy Corn – Neither candy nor corn. Place immediately in garbage.
M&Ms – The American version of Smarties with melts-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hand technology.
Canadian Smarties – Separate by colour. Eat the red ones last.
Rockets/American Smarties – Like Tums only tastier.
Sour Patch Kids – Let me get the camera ready before you eat this.
Tootsie Rolls – What candy used to taste like before they invented flavour.
Twizzlers – Licorice in the vaguest sense of the word. Enjoy after you donate a piece to your Mom.
Miniature Toothbrushes – This is why toilet paper always goes on sale around Halloween.
Chips – A salty reprieve from all these sweets. Only one fully intact chip per bag, the rest are crumbs.
Three Musketeers – One for all. All for me.
Skittles – Ooh, the bright colours!
Kit Kat – Daddy always needs a break. Please hand over.
Caramels – Nothing special. Feel free to pick them out of your tiny teeth for the next two days.
Hershey's Kisses – These will be the last candy in your loot bag. No one wants to eat them.
Candy Bracelets – Any candy that is designed to mimic jewelry is not worthy eating.
Spooky Candy – Any candy that is designed to be "spooky for Halloween" probably tastes like another six-letter word that starts with S and ends in Y.
Hopefully this will help my daughter understand the complex world of Halloween candy. If there's still any confusion regarding a candy, she should follow this simple rule – Give it to your Dad.
Knuffle Bunny Times Two
Knuffle Bunny Too: A Case of Mistaken Identity by Mo Willems is a popular book in our household. It tells the tale of two identical Knuffle Bunnies. One is a pauper who lives with his abusive father. The other is a prince and heir apparent to the throne. As a jest, the Knuffle Bunnies switch clothes and identities. In the process they learn valuable life lessons about how the other side lives.
I could be mistaken with that summary. Either way Knuffle Bunny Too: Knuffle Bunny Harder is an enjoyable cautionary tale for identical twins. As you may have surmised from the title Knuffle Bunny Too: The Wrath of Khan is actually the sequel to Mo Willems' popular book Knuffle Bunny One: A New Hope. Knuffle Bunny Too: Knuffle Bunny's Bogus Journey is followed by the final book in the trilogy, Knuffle Bunny Three: The Return of the King.
As fate would have it we read the second book first. It was a gift from a friend whose daughter was familiar with the books. Reading the sequel first was like watching The Empire Strikes Back before any other Star Wars movie – enjoyable. Empire being the best movie of the series, you'd be better off if you stopped watching Star Wars movies after Empire.
Like Empire, Knuffle Bunny Too: Judgment Day is my favourite of the Knuffle Bunny trilogy. Having not read the prequel prior to reading this book, I'd always assumed that Knuffle Bunny was a special handmade toy given to Trixie a la a certain other literary bunny made of velveteen. But the fact that another girl in Trixie's class also has a Knuffle Bunny makes the plush toy seem more like a Cabbage Patch Doll. I probably should have warned you about spoilers prior to that sentence. Oops.
Brief aside, the entire tale is set in the mean streets of New York. Despite not living anywhere near the Empire State, my daughter is convinced that the entire Knuffle Bunny incident takes place at her daycare. When she sees Trixie's school, my daughter begins to identify the illustrations as other toddlers at her daycare. Not that I correct her.
Anyhow, the bunnies aren't actually identical. It only took about a dozen readings before I realized the difference. Hint: Look for the bow. It also took a dozen or so reading before I read the story's epilogue. Call me old fashioned but when there's a page in a book that says 'The End', I consider the book finished and close it up.
Now I have to read the epilogue. My daughter knows that it's there. I don't mind, Knuffle Bunny Too: The New Batch with its exhausted-father-saves-the-day storyline is an enjoyable and surprisingly identifiable book. I've yet to have a midnight stuffed animal hostage exchange with another father in the streets of New York, but if it means my daughter will sleep through the night, I could see myself doing it.
Top Five Classic Sesame Street Videos
My daughter's Elmo Embargo is over. (Not that it was ever particularly well enforced.) She's now allowed to watch Elmo videos. During these Elmo video sessions (thankfully) we've stumbled upon the occasional classic non-Elmo Sesame Street video. Videos that I remember watching on Sesame Street, many years, if not decades ago. So here they are, five of the best classic non-Elmo Sesame Street videos. Or at least the ones that I remember from my childhood.
Rubber Duckie
Rubber Duckie is the Casablanca of Sesame Street videos, a simple ode to everyone's favourite bathtime friend, the rubber ducky. I challenege you to see a rubber duck and not hum a few bars.
Yip Yip Phones
If rubber ducky is Sesame Street's Casablanca, then the Yip Yips are its cult classic. These martians who are slowly discovering Earth's inventions are a riot. My daughter's become hip to the Yip too. Now when we watch their videos, she mimics their familiar sound. Yip. Yip. Uh huh.
Bert's Nephew
During my childhood, I was fascinated with all the bath toys that Ernie had in this video. During my adulthood, I'm more fascinated by the presence of a member of Bert's extended unibrowed family.
Gone Fishin'
Before even rewatching this video, I remembered Ernie's classic fishing technique. Sadly, it never worked in real life angling situations.
C is for Cookie
What else would C be for! It's a classic Cookie Monster video from back when cookies were more than just a sometimes snack. I may or may not have had this song on my iPod pre-baby.
Judging from the contents of the classic list, I grew up in the Bert and Ernie phase of Sesame Street. My daughter missed that phase, but thanks to YouTube I show tell her how much cooler these retro videos are than all those Elmos.
My Favourite Elmo Video
I never thought I would have a favourite Elmo video. It seemed outside the realm of possibility. My little toddler loves watching Elmo videos. Again. And Again. And again. She's obsessed with the little red muppet. I find him, somewhat grating. Especially after you've watched Elmo's song 356 times.
Of course Elmo is not designed for my mature palate. So I was surprised to find that I enjoyed an Elmo video at all. And overjoyed when I finally saw this Elmo video.
Ahh, Ricky Gervais, creator of The Office, Golden Globes host extraordinaire and tormenter of Elmo.
It's all gentle fun. He's not hosting The Comedy Central Roast of Elmo. (BTW, Comedy Central, huge ratings if you did this.) He's just gently annoying the poor celebri-muppet.
And Sesame Street knows what they're doing. Sesame Street has always had two audiences, the kids and their parents. See Katy Perry's outfit in her Elmo appearance for further reference. With this video Sesame Street is giving parents a little revenge on their overplayed muppet.
While I may enjoy this Elmo video, my daughter doesn't care for it. It is her least favourite Elmo video. She complains that Ricky Gervais is "bugging Elmo." Apparently bugging Elmo is not okay with toddlers. Only with their parents.
You may remember Kevin Nealon from his stint on Saturday Night Live as the host of Weekend Update between Adam Sandler's nonsensical songs and Victoria Jackson's cartwheels.
If I say "Hans and Franz" and you don't respond with "And we're here to pump… you up" then you probably don't remember Kevin Nealon from SNL. If so, you may be too young to have a baby.
Kevin Nealon is also the star of the television show Weeds, which I've heard is a great show. My wife and I have been meaning to watch it; it's on our list we just have to get through Battlestar Galactica, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Freaks and Geeks, and a few others before we watch it.
Kevin Nealon is also a father. You may have surmised this from the title of his first book, Yes, You're Pregnant, But What About Me? Surprisingly, with a title like that, he's still a married father.
Unlike my foray into fatherhood, Kevin Nealon became a dad at the age when my dad was almost a granddad. He became a dad in his 50s. His early 50s, but still 50s, as in his mailbox contained the AARP Bulletin and a subscription to Pregnancy magazine.
His book includes some career stories, a detour along the way with his first wife who did not want to have kids, and the disturbing imagery of Kevin Nealon working out half-naked in his garage.
But most of the book is about fatherhood and the requisite fears that accompany fatherhood. There are a lot of fears: What if the baby looks like me and not my wife? Am I too old to be a father? Will Arnold Schwarzenegger be upset at my portrayal of his "distant cousin" Hans?
That last question weighs heavily on all fathers. Fortunately, Arnie wasn't upset.
From his days on SNL we follow Kevin to his wife's pregnancy, where Kevin, like most husbands acts as a mere bystander in the final act. He's given the important task of creating the birthing playlist and manning the ipod while his wife contracts and labours.
Spoiler alert, the book ends with Kevin Nealon becoming a father which is great, because Kevin Nealon already looks like a dad. If I were to cast a family sitcom, Kevin Nealon would be a good casting spec for suburban father.
Is Kevin Nealon a good father? Maybe. The book ends with the birth of his child. There's no sequel, no It's Your Turn to Entertain the Toddler complete with a new picture of Kevin Nealon looking tired and harried.
I'll just assume that he's a good father. No one wants to read about a father's daily trial and tribulations with their toddler, right?
Tina Fey's Bossypants: A Toddler Review.
My wife and I have both been reading Tina Fey's new book, Bossypants. It's an entertaining read, but don't take my recommendation listen to every other website or publication that has recommended it.
Bossypants, by the way, also a great name for every toddler's biography.
Tina Fey, if you don't know is the former head writer of Saturday Night Live, star of 30 Rock, and Sarah Palin doppelganger. She's also quite funny.
I enjoyed the book. The book is mostly showbiz tales and pre-showbiz tales. There's a bit of parenting advice thrown in here and there. If you've read a mommy/daddy blog you'll identify with this gem.
"Like most people who had one baby, I am an expert on everything and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!"
What did my daughter think of the book?
Well for one, my daughter has never seen an episode of 30 Rock, SNL, and doesn't follow American politics. For two, my daughter can't read. She flipped through the book and looked at the pictures.
To my daughter Tina Fey is… Well, when my daughter saw the book with its odd cover, she took one look at Tina Fey and said, "Mommy!"
For clarity my wife does not look like the former governor of Alaska or a geeky-chic librarian.
After being identified as Liz Lemon's alter-ego, my wife clarified the confusion for our daughter.
"No, that's Tina Fey."
Our daughter responded with "Hi Tina Fey!" and a kiss to the front cover.
This didn't clarify the identity issues, as our daughter began to page through the book and misidentified Mommy and Daddy at each turn.
A picture of Tina Fey and former presidential hopeful John McCain was met with "Mommy and Daddy". Mommy looks a lot more like Tina Fey than I resemble John McCain.
Then my daughter saw a picture of Tracy Morgan/Jordan and exclaimed "Mommy!" Yes, apparently Mommy is a slightly overweight black man. Standing next to Tracy was Alec Baldwin. Alec was identified as "Daddy!"
For those of you who don't know me, yes, I look surprisingly like Alec Baldwin. A young Alec Baldwin.
So if you're following along, my wife somehow looks like both Tracy Morgan and Tina Fey to our daughter. And I look like John McCain and/or Alec Baldwin. If you split the difference between those two men, I suppose that is more or less what I resemble. Unless you believed the previous paragraph.
After reading Tina Fey's Bossypants, I've come to one conclusion, my daughter needs glasses. Though when she sees herself in the mirror, she might think she's looking at Tina Fey. Or Tracy Morgan.
Away on Business 2
I was away on business again recently. It was the sequel to my previous business trip. It was Away on Business 2: Electric Bugaloo. Like any sequel it was bigger, longer, there were more explosions, less exposition and Megan Fox was replaced by a different actress.
This sequel was one of the good sequels and not the cash grab sequels. It was Spider-man 2 and not The Hangover 2. It was a good business trip. Even for a sequel.
Of course, I missed a lot of things about my daughter while I was away. Here they are in list form, because lists are easy.
The weight
Whether you're picking her up for a cuddle or trying to calm her from a tantrum, you get used to that extra toddler weight. I was 24 pounds lighter while away. My toddler saddle bags were back home. Cuddling some bags of rice at the local grocery store doesn't seem to cut it.
The voice
My daughter has this funny little toddler voice. She mispronounces words, slurs her speech, and is generally unintelligible 60 percent of the time. I was surrounded by completely telligible people while away. And never had to say "Daddy, doesn't understand you" to any of my coworkers.
Just kidding. Moving on.
The wife
I also missed my wife. She's my other half. The ying to my jelly. The yang to my peanut butter. And a mandatory inclusion in all blog lists.
The leg attention
When you have a toddler, your legs get a lot of attention. My daughter stands at my leg height. So when she hugs me, she hugs my legs. When she wants to get my attention, she tugs at my legs. When I'm away on business, the gams get no attention.
The alarm clock
My daughter is our alarm clock. She wakes up early and we wake up. I haven't set an alarm in nearly two years, except when I'm away on business. When I'm away on business I have to set an alarm or get a wakeup call from the front desk. When I'm home my daughter is the wakeup call.
What will I miss when I'm away on business for the three-quel? It's tough to say. If I follow the rules of most trilogies, then this list if just a teaser for the next list. And this list is probably going to be better than the next list. Stay tuned.
Exploring the Alphabet
(Today at Sweetspot, there's a new post about toddlers biting.)
This is the Alphabet Explorer by Leapfrog. Sorry this is the AlphaPet Explorer by Leapfrog because it has a dog on it, I guess. All of the LeapFrog toys feature this green dog as the voice of the toy, his name is Scout. I'm not sure why Leap Frog has a green dog named Scout as their mascot and not, you know, a green frog. If I take off my glasses and squint slightly, Scout looks like a frog. Sort of.
The AlphaPet Explorer is a phonics learning toy. Despite her use of letters throughout the day, my daughter really has no understanding of the alphabet. This toy is designed to help get her hooked on phonics.
There are 26 "letter biscuits" on the toy and one missing "letter biscuit" outline for the yet-to-be discovered 27th letter of the alphabet. The 27th letter of the alphabet sounds like that noise your pants make when you slide across a leather couch.
The Four Modes to explore on the AlphaPet are:
1) Find the Letters.
The toy says a letter. You have to find it. This is "too complicated for my not quite two-year old daughter" mode.
2) Letter Music.
The Letters make musical sounds. Pressing the paw button plays the alphapet. I mean, alphabet. This is by far, my daughter's favourite mode. She presses the paw button and sings along with the ABCs. Some of her letters in the middle of the alphabet are unintelligible. But she loves to sing along.
3) Letter Names.
This is confusing because letter names are the letters. So A's name is A. Isn't "letter name" redundant? The letter names are followed by a musical sting. One of the musical stings is a rimshot like the kind you'd hear at the end of a lame joke.
"C. Ba dum pssh."
This should be followed by a crickets sound effect.
4) Letter Sounds.
This is my daughter's second favourite mode. She loves to hear the sounds of the letters and the accompanying noise.
"E makes the sound eh as in Elephant. (Elephant Noise)."
When we press E my daughter makes an elephant sound and extends her arm like a trunk. E is pressed a lot. I'm not even sure what half of the other letter sounds are because E dominates this mode.
There is also a LeapFrog logo at the bottom of the toy. My daughter mistakes this for a button. She keeps pressing the logo and getting disappointed that nothing happens. She'll press the 'button' and say "Daddy, broken."
B makes the sound buh as in broken.
There's also a secret 5th mode, it's called off. Off makes the sound of nothing.
G makes the sound guh as in Giveaway.
To win your very own AlphaPet Explorer from LeapFrog: Leave a comment below with a valid email address. Contest ends midnight EST June 30, 2011. Winner will be chosen at random.
Extra Entries:
Like the Distracted Daddy Facebook Page (mention this in a comment below).
This contest is only open to residents of Canada. FYI, Americans this toy pronounces the letter Z as Zed.
Disclosurey Stuff: The fine folks at LeapFrog sent me an AlphaPet Explorer to review. The opinions expressed in this review are all mine. Okay, maybe partially my wife's.
Dinner Gone Bad
This is the post that's probably going to stop people from accepting invitations to dinner at our place. Which is unfortunate because we're good cooks and hosts.
My wife and I like to entertain guests at our home. It was something we did a lot more of before the little one. Just like we saw more movies, went to more restaurants, and had more friends.
Anyhow, we still entertain. Occasionally.
On one such occasion, we invited over my family; my parents and my sister and brother-in-law for dinner.
They showed up early to play with the reason we don't host as many dinner parties anymore, our daughter. To set up the unfortunate ending to this story, you need to know that my daughter was recovering from another daycare disease that week. She was all better. But she'd been sick. Remember that.
I'd spent most of the afternoon preparing dinner. Getting my mis-en-place ready, re-reading recipes, and pretending I had what it takes to be the Next Food Network Star. The Next Food Network Star, by the way, is the worst show on the Food Network.
Half-way through the afternoon, I commented to my wife that I felt a little off. Not sick, per se, more tired. We both brushed it off as toddler-induced exhaustion.
My family showed up as planned and we continued our evening. Dinner was cooked, plated and prepared by yours truly. I took one or two bites of dinner before it hit me, waves of nausea. It was not good.
I kindly excused myself from the table and went upstairs to lie down. Lying down quickly became, well, what's a polite way to say "yakking my guts out?" Probably not that phrasing, but you get the idea.
Whatever toddler gastrointestinal virus my daughter contracted from daycare had been passed on. I think what I had was called, Dinner Party Ending Disease because the dinner party was quickly over.
My sister later informed me that as they were leaving they could hear me getting sick upstairs. I imagine it doesn't get worse than that, hearing the person who had spent the day preparing your food getting violently ill as you're leaving.
She also informed me that my brother-in-law was almost felled by the toddler virus when he made a motion to finish my unfinished beer. He changed his mind after everyone urged him not to.
I spent the rest of the weekend in bed. My wife joined me when she became ill the next morning. We had to call my "hopefully not about to be sick from the dinner the night before" parents to come and look after our daughter. We were in no shape to do so.
Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, our dinner guests never became ill. It was a testament to my rigorous hand-washing during food prep skills or to their superior immune systems. They've even come back to eat at our house since. Though for some reason, they always offer to bring food.
Phoney Phones
My daughter is a little mimic. She looks at the actions of her parents and tries to replicate them. One of the actions that she often sees us doing is talking on the phone. Except our phones don't look like phones, not in the classical sense.
My wife and I are part of a growing number of people who don't have landlines. We only have cellphones. And the cellphones that we do have are actually smartphones. A Blackberry and an iPhone, if you want to angrily debate their merits in the comments.
So to my impressionable toddler, phones are simply rectangular black devices. Anything that fits into this mold is a phone. And my daughter will pick it up and pretend to talk on it.
One of her favourite non-phone phones is a calculator. She's never seen Mommy or Daddy perform math on the calculator. So the calculator is a phone. She holds it to her ear presses the buttons and pretends to have long distance discussions while she practices multiplication.
It's rectangular and black.
The remote control is also rectangular and black, so it's a phone.
"Hello, there's nothing on TV."
Rectangular and black is the phone default. But many colourful and non-rectangular objects get dialed in.
Construction Ernie is a phone. A wooden banana toy is a phone. The Baby Monitor is phone. A small stuffed animal is a phone. A spatula is phone.
To a toddler anything is a phone. As long as you can hold it up to your ear and say "hello."
Her Fisher-Price ChatterBox Telephone is a phone, albeit a toy replica of a phone. It's the phoniest phone toy she has and she doesn't really use it like a phone. On occasion she does, but most of that toy's playtime involves dragging it along the floor.
When my daughter answers the phone all she says is hello. She never continues the conversation, she's either a really good listener or ignoring telemarketers. I assume in-depth phone conversation won't start until her teen years when she'll spend hours discussing the latest iteration of Disney's teen singing sensation.
Lately she's begun to hand the "phone" over to my wife or me, so it's probably telemarketers.
"Hello, yes I'm interested in this special offer."
There have been a handful of times where she's identified the caller. It seems to always be Grandma or Grandpa. Though one time it was "crocodiles", calling long distance I presume.
Despite all this faux phone calling, my daughter doesn't know what to do with an actual phone. My wife and I have put her on the phone with each other and she doesn't say a word.
The request of "say hi to Mommy/Daddy" is met with silence and/or heavy breathing. It's much easier to say hi to Mommy and Daddy through a banana toy that doesn't have reception.
Dig It
(Today at Sweetspot, there's about how much my daughter loves the backyard.)
My daughter's favourite activity in the backyard, after being in the backyard, is digging.
I bought her this mismatched plastic gardening set at a garage sale recently. It consists of a shovel, a watering can, a trowel, a fork, and a tool kit to carry them all around.
These brightly coloured plastic toys are all digging enablers. Except for the watering can.
Playing with the watering can follows this circular motion. Mommy or Daddy fill the can, our daughter empties it: on a plant, on the barren soil, and sometimes into the dog's water bowl. After the can is emptied, she'll request a refill from Mommy/Daddy. This cycle goes on forever or until she gets distracted and wants to dig.
Our tilling toddler loves digging around.
She's constantly aerating the corners of our garden. She sits along the edge and digs away. Well, she tries to dig. She doesn't have the dexterity or the strength to actually dig, and her plastic toys aren't strong to break through the soil unless it's loose or wet.
So our daughter scrapes the loose dirt with her shovels. Lately she's been shoveling the loose dirt into her other shovels. She can entertain herself for hours minutes digging.
When she wants to get serious, we'll hear this. "Daddy, worm, come on." That's the signal that she wants help to find worms. Worms are the treasures of digging. It's like she's playing Dig Dug and the worms are worth 500 points
When a worm is discovered, our daughter exclaims and identifies the worm. There are three types of worms: baby worms, BIG worms, and mommy worms. Baby worms are obviously the small ones. Big worms are big and you must say BIG with booming enthusiasm. I'm not sure how she defines mommy worms. I think they're the one wearing tiny mom jeans.
Digging in the dirt results in her getting dirty. Obviously. Toddlers have the ability to get dirt everywhere and very quickly
One morning we dug for worms before daycare. She was already dressed for daycare. Five minutes later she needed a wardrobe change. Her outfit was accessorized with dirt. My wife insisted on dressing her in a clean outfit for daycare. I would have brushed the dirt off her shoulder, taken her to daycare, and hummed more lyrics to that Jay-Z song
The only bonus to getting dirty is that our daughter loves to wash her hands. Tempting her with the promise of washing her hands usually manages to get our daughter inside without a tantrum.
Muppets at Work
If you were to select a character from Sesame Street to have a career in construction, who would you choose? Cookie Monster for demolition maybe. Oscar seems like he'd fit the foreman role. The last character you'd ever expect to find on a fictitious construction site run by muppets is Ernie.
As an aside, muppet construction sites probably give the worst cat calls to passersby. "I know my ABCs, next time won't you play with me." Or "Hey Little Miss Muffet, check out this tuffet."
Anyhow, Ernie and Bert don't strike me as the construction type. Interior design maybe. But outside on a worksite, operating heavy machinery? Hard to believe.
Yet here's the proof. Ernie happily wearing a hardhat and operating a magnetic crane. I don't know what the name of this toy is, it was a garage sale find. We've taken to calling this toy 'Construction Ernie.'
Construction Ernie is driving what appears to be a small construction crane with a magnetic winch attached. It can probably pick up small coins and nails. My daughter has yet to discover Ernie's magnetic abilities.
It looks like one of those cranes that's often featured in the climactic moment of an 80s action movie. You know, the one where the hero tracks down the bad guys to a junk yard. And discovers some damning piece of evidence in the wreckage of an abandoned car. Just as our hero finds it, the car is magnetically lifted towards a car compactor. Cut to a dramatic close-up of the villain cackling maniacally in the seat of that crane.
How could you Construction Ernie?
When my daughter plays with Construction Ernie, she doesn't hold 80s action heroes hostage. She just runs Ernie along the ground with his wheels and makes the appropriate construction noises.
Construction Ernie has two magnetic ball bearings, one at the front of his vehicle and the other at the back. It leads to me to believe that there are other construction-themed Sesame Street vehicles that can form a large train or convoy. I'm just guessing at the names here, but maybe there's a Dumptruck Oscar, or Backhoe Big Bird, or a Port-a-Potty Truck Elmo. They're probably all unionized.
Like many of my daughter's toys, Construction Ernie is also a telephone. She holds the magnetic part up to ear and says "hello." She's probably calling Ernie's union rep to complain about some kind of workplace safety issue or arranging his pay from the mob. Ernie's all about kickbacks.
Lately my daughter has begun to cuddle with Construction Ernie and bring him into bed. He's not soft, like most of her bedtime companions. But he's probably just there to talk to the teddy bears about unionizing.
The Long Drive
A few months ago, we attended an out of town birthday party. It was only a 45-minute drive outside of the city. My wife and I took our daughter and two unsuspecting single friends.
The drive there was uneventful. The event was fun and eventful. The drive back was the reason this post is categorized under the Daddy Disasters section of this blog.
On road trips you are only guaranteed a one-way ticket for good behaviour. One way will be easy. The other way will be torture. Your child will not peacefully sleep both ways.
Our 45-minute drive took 45 minutes on the way there. It took nearly three hours on the way back.
There was an accident on the highway. We were stuck in the inevitable backlog of rubberneckers. When we made it past the minor accident, the traffic did not let up. The traffic continued. Something was amiss. It was gridlock.
There was another accident. Again minor.
Traffic was moving at a snail's pace. Birds flew by overhead at double our traveling speed. We eventually made it past the second accident and traffic began to move. It was that post accident freedom when you begin to attain normal highway speeds.
It was glorious. And only lasted for a moment. Until we hit the gridlock of a third accident. It was unbelievable. Three minor traffic accidents back to back to back.
It would have been nothing more than an entertaining story for a cocktail party if there wasn't a baby in our car. A baby who didn't want to be in the car.
A baby who began to cry. She refused toys, and books, and distractions. The carefully curated grownup playlist – gone. Instead children's songs. "All the Babies Love Bananas", "Row Row Your Boat" and more. The music had no effect. Our terrible singing didn't help.
If only we had a soother. We didn't. If only our crossover utility vehicle was a time-travel ready Delorean. It wasn't.
We were trapped.
The child was in full-blown tantrum. Crying, fussy, red-faced. Our single friends likely asking themselves what they did to deserve to be trapped in a sonic wall of wailing baby screams.
When we arrived in the city, one of our single friends quickly jumped out of the car as we stopped at an intersection. "I'm almost home," she said. She wasn't. "I'll just grab this bus." There was no bus. Her flight instinct had taken over. She saw her first chance to escape and took it.
For us, the parents, this abuse was something we signed up due to our successful consensual relations. But for our unfortunate friends who had neither a child nor a vehicle. They just wanted a ride to the party. It was a ride they'll likely never forget.
If you've ever gone rock climbing, you know what a carabiner is. It's a small metal loop that you can quickly clip on between your harness and the other various climbing ropes. "Various climbing ropes" is an exclusive rock climbing term.
A carabiner is not however exclusive to rock climbing. It's used in other high intensity and similarly dangerous activities like caving, spelunking, zip-lining and grocery shopping with a stroller. The latter can vary in degrees of danger depending on how well-rested the strollee is.
The Mommy Hook is a carabiner. Sorry, it's a large carabiner sold at a premium wherever other carabiners aren't found. The development and marketing of it is actually quite ingenious. Because it's just a carabiner sold for a different purpose. There's virtually no change or alteration to the design of a carabiner. If you wanted to you could just buy a large carabiner and use it like the Mommy Hook, if you didn't receive a Mommy Hook as a giving birth door prize.
Don't get me wrong, it does its job perfectly and is a handy stroller accessory. It's just the name "Mommy Hook" is demeaning to men who push strollers aka fathers. Also, remind me never to use the term "stroller accessory" around the guys either.
It's not called the Daddy Hook or the Baby Hook or the Stroller Hook, or even the Giant Expensive Carabiner. According to semantics, I'm not supposed to use it. Or when I use it, I'm supposed to hang my head in shame and hope people misread it as the Tommy Hook.
Gender issues aside, the Mommy Hook is a terrible name. It sounds like a Showtime movie about a mother turning to prostitution.
"When the bills were too much, this stay-at-home mom found a new gig. Sex and the City's Kim Cattrall in The Mommy Hook. A Showtime Original."
There's no reason for it to have a gender-specific name. It's not like it's a tampon or lipstick. It's a hook to hang groceries from your stroller. A stroller that a man or a woman or a man transforming into a woman could push. Pushing a stroller doesn't require a uterus, it requires coordination and force. Making a little person to go into the stroller, now that requires a uterus.
Open Hailing Frequency
On Star Trek when they encounter a foreign vessel Captain Kirk (or Picard) activates the two-way video screen to conference with the Klingons (or Borg) or other alien race that looks suspiciously likes humans with bad acne. It's an easy way to communicate across the vast distances of space. It's also sort of how our daughter communicates with her grandparents.
Except she uses something called Skype and has yet to launch the photon torpedoes.
Skype is simple two-way video calling over the internet. If you weren't already familiar with the service or missed the point of that opening paragraph. It's become an almost daily part of our daughter's routine.
After dinner, or sometimes before, we'll (to borrow terminology from another space-faring TV show) "spool up" Skype and talk with our daughter's grandparents. "Talking" mostly involves us holding our daughter in front of the computer to let the grandparents ooh and awe.
She's the focus of the call, not us. We're just there to adjust the webcam, to operate the call, we're like the projectionist of a movie theatre. Doing an all-important job but completely overshadowed by the star attraction.
If the grandparents wanted to talk to us, they'd call us. There's no need for them to look at our faces while we converse.
During our Skypes with the grandparents our daughter shows off new behaviours, says new words, or asks to see the respective dogs of whichever set of grandparents we happen to be speaking with.
She usually doesn't say very much. She's great with the hellos and the goodbyes which are accompanied by kisses. Other than that, she's not really going to answer any questions or discuss politics or offer her opinion on who really should have been voted off American Idol (or should I say The Voice?)
She gets bored easily. Despite the fact that she's communicating across cities through a piece of string for free, Skype never keeps her attention.
She can't sit still. She needs to explore.
So we put her down and angle the webcam for the best grandparent viewing possibilities. Then we make awkward conversation with her grandparents as they stare agape at their granddaughter. When she plays on Skype, she likes to show off. She'll go up her slide and wait for the attention before going down. She knows she's putting on a show.
Skype sessions never last long especially when our daughter runs out of the room or plays just beyond the viewing area. We ask her to say goodbye and she usually complies. When Skype is over her mission is to boldly go to bed.
Locked Out
Here's an obvious parenting statement: Having a toddler increases the stress of unexpected events. There's already one element of chaos in your life, adding more compounds the existing chaos. It's like multiplying a math problem by another number, which I suppose is already the definition of compounding.
Recently we were locked out of the house. That's a simple way of defining it. We had the keys to our front door, the door simply rejected the keys like Top Chef judge Tom Colicchio turning away a plate of uncooked risotto.
Generally being locked out is not a big deal when you're single and childless. It's a minor annoyance; it's a reason to go to the bar, or an excuse to crash on a futon. When it's cold outside and you have a toddler with an approaching bedtime, it's a bigger deal.
The first priority, look after the toddler. She couldn't wait in the car while I attempted to burglar our home.
Thankfully, our babysitter lives nearby and her family was welcoming of our random intrusion. It didn't even cost $10/hour plus fridge privileges. The babysitter and her siblings brought down books and toys to entertain our confused daughter while I pursued a locksmith.
I don't have a locksmith, or an electrician, or a plumber that I can call. So I was left to consult the Yellow Pages and followed the old adage of "if you paid for a large ad you must be somewhat competent."
I was wrong. Locksmiths advertised as 24 hours didn't answer their phones, or would agree to show up in 3+ hours, or charge hundreds just to appear. It was frustrating. I was regretting choosing a classics minor in university over "locksmithing and related manly skills."
Sensing my frustration, our neighbour mentioned the area handyman might be of help. He was. When he showed up I was trying to jimmy the lock open with a screwdriver to no avail. He suggested a better tool – a hacksaw.
It took 45 minutes of hacksawing and prying to remove the doorknob. My contribution to the hacksawing effort: Holding the flashlight.
Eventually we regained entry to our house, but only after our daughter's dinnertime, bath time, and bedtime had passed. She was beyond exhausted. We were beyond frustrated. Our only consolation was knowing that it would never happen again because like watching an afterschool special we learned a few valuable lessons.
For your benefit, here they are:
- A Blockbuster card is too thin to effectively jimmy a lock. I'm still trying to discover what it's actually useful for.
- The area handyman is not the area cat burglar.
- If your neighbours hear someone trying to hacksaw their way in your house, they won't express any concern.
- Breaking into your own house is reassuringly difficult.
- If you keep your toddler up past her bedtime by over 2 hours, daycare will call the next day to report that she has a slight fever and seems lethargic.
- Keeping keys to the backdoor on your actual keychain and not inside the house is a good idea.
Happy Blogiversary
Today is my blog's birthday. Okay, not today. It was sometime last week and I was busy working. So happy belated birthday blog. The belated part doesn't bode well for the upcoming wife/daughter birthday.
My baby blog is now a one-year old while my actual baby is actually now a toddler. In dog years my blog is seven. In baby years it's still just one.
How does one celebrate a blog's birthday? Cake? Presents? Comments? Quick post back-linking to archived posts?
According to What to Expect When You're Expecting Blog Traffic, my baby blog should now be able to walk, receive negative comments, get PR, and have tantrums while I update WordPress. Apologies for the blog humour in lieu of the usual baby humour.
This blog began as a way to document my manternity leave. It continued beyond those four summer months. Obviously. Surprisingly it's read by more than just my daughter's grandparents. Apparently there is a market out there for lame jokes and pop culture references. The Family Guy has it cornered.
Unlike my daughter, my blog has a sibling blog (siblog – coining it) over at Sweetspot.ca and a Twitter over @DaddyDistracted and a Facebook page. And a blog which you're reading right here.
Happy Birthday Blog. Enjoy the spam.
Let it Slide
The Little Tikes Climber Junior Slide is an outdoor toy. It's made to withstand the elements. Its hard plastic frame is easily wiped of dirt, decomposing leaves, and squirrel defecate that all appear in the backyard. So why is this outside toy in our living room?
To begin, my 19-month old daughter loves slides. Sliding recently surpassed swinging as her favorite park activity. During the winter months there are few slide and/or swinging activities due to the inclement weather.
The Little Tikes Slide is a supervised toy. Whenever my daughter uses it, an adult must be present. It's stable, it won't collapse, my daughter isn't stable, she might collapse.
When she first used the indoor/outdoor slide, we had to hold her hands and help her slide the 1.5 feet down. It's a thrilling 0.7 second slide. I'm pretty sure it's the toddler equivalent of ascending Everest.
Sliding once is never enough. Numerous slides must occur. This slide is the Lay's potato chip of toys.
When she goes down the slide our repeated parental mantra is "on your bum" or "sit down please". We need to reinforce these fine points because our daughter has tried to slide down face first, backwards, upside down, and on her stomach. Even at such a small distance/speed any of those other slide styles would result in a tiny Evil Knievel wipe-out.
Our other mantra was "wait for mommy/daddy" when she approached the slide without parental supervision. Eventually she wanted to slide without our helicoptering presence. When we approached to help, she responded with "no no no" and proceeded to step off the slide steps.
"I'd rather not slide, then slide with your help." she implied.
So we let her slide solo and it was successful.
Now she slides on her own terms. Which means she slides anytime she is in close proximity to the slide.
She'll often perch at the top and wait, to build the anticipation and to make sure we're watching. We wait, she waits. Then she slides and we clap. Then we lather, rinse and repeat these same action ad infinitum.
Recently the slide, moved down from the living room where it was tightly positioned between a wall and a couch, to the TV room/den. Now we can give our daughter our full attention as she makes slide attempt #4043, and we catch up on who's been eliminated from Top Chef.
The "Best" Elmo Videos
My daughter is no longer allowed to watch Elmo videos on Youtube. When she was allowed, these videos were some of her favourites.
As you'll notice most Elmo videos involve singing and/or celebrity appearances. To put it bluntly, Elmo is a star-whore. And celebrities know that you haven't reached true fame until you've collaborated with Elmo.
I must warn you, that watching these videos with your toddler is a recipe for tantrums. So watch at your own risk.
Elmo's Song
Apologies in advance, but Elmo's Song will burrow itself deeply into your frontal lobes and stay there for weeks.
Katy Perry
A lot has been said about this very controversial Elmo video. All I have to add is that this video is strangely hypnotic.
Natalie Portman
Even OSCAR-winning actresses bow before Elmo's star power. Before she was a Black Swan, Natalie Portman danced her way to another stunning performance as a Grey Elephant.
Elmo's Potty Time
Elmo has parents! He wasn't grown in a furry vat somewhere. Join Elmo and his father as they sing about "pee" "poo" and "doo doo". It's the Blues meet the poos.
The Goo Goo Dolls
The muppet-faced lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls fits right in on Sesame Street as his band parodies one of their "classic" songs.
Adam Sandler
Elmo finally meets his intellectual equal in Adam Sandler. Sandler pulls out his usual schtick, making up a song with made up words. Shabba-dee-doo.
Andrea Bocelli
Elmo forces famous Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli to sing him to sleep. Elmo even tries to duet in his best falsetto.
Now that you've seen the best Elmo Youtube videos, it's time to take a break and deal with your tantrum-y toddler.
Elmo Embargo
My daughter loves Elmo, but I already told you that. What I didn't tell you is that there is an Elmo Embargo on at our house. More specifically an Elmo Video Embargo.
A few months ago, we made a big parenting mistake. We gave in to our daughter's love of Sesame Street's red-faced muppet and we let her watch an Elmo video on Youtube.
It was a simple mistake.
From that first video our daughter's eyes were magically transfixed on the screen. She stared intently, never blinking, basking in the warm glow of Elmo's crimson antics.
She was hooked from that first video – one hit was all it took.
What we didn't realize is that you can never watch just one Elmo video. So we watched more Elmo videos. One Elmo video led to two Elmo videos. Two led to three. Three to four. And so on.
When we finally decided that Elmo video time was over, our daughter disagreed.
"More, more Elmo," she said.
"MO' MO' EL-MO!" she said even louder.
Before we knew it, we were immersed in a full-on Elmo-induced tantrum.
We dismissed the tantrum as a one off event and a few days later watched more Elmo videos. Elmo videos soon became a daily activity. Elmo videos (or "Elmos") before bed, in the morning, and after daycare.
Anytime our daughter saw a computer, she would ask for Elmos. She knew the computer was a digital gateway to the muppet.
But as her Elmo watching increased, her Elmo withdrawal symptoms became even worse. Tantrums escalated. One or two videos was never enough. She needed more Elmos. We began cycling through every Elmo option Youtube had to offer. We knew something had to change, when our daughter hit rock bottom and resorted to watching Grover videos.
Every single time we stopped the Elmos, a tantrum began. It became so bad that even the mere sight of a computer would send our daughter off.
It had to stop. So my wife and I decided that our daughter was going cold turkey. No mo' Elmos. We hid the computers. We never uttered the red muppet's name around our daughter.
And slowly it began to work. There were a few hiccups along the way. A daytimer caused an Elmo tantrum as our daughter mistook it for a computer. And there were a few Skype calls with grandparents where she kept demanding Elmo. But after a few days, things were back to normal.
To this day the Elmo Embargo is still on. I don't know when it will end. Embargoes tend to be long haul operations, just ask Cuba. But one day it will be over. Maybe on her eighteenth birthday we'll celebrate with an Elmo video.
Elmo Elmo Everywhere
Every teenager learns in Sex Ed that unprotected sex leads to having babies. At least, hopefully they all do. The ones that don't are featured on MTV reality shows. Anyhow, what they don't tell you in Sex Ed is that aside from babies, unprotected sex also leads to Elmo.
If you're welcoming a baby into your home, you're also welcoming Elmo.
Elmo arrived in our lives on our daughter's diapers like the plague showed up in Europe on the backs of ship rats. The diapers feature a variety of Sesame Street characters, but our daughter's eyes seemed drawn to Elmo over Big Bird or Ernie.
We began to show our daughter Elmo on the diapers and say "Elmo." That was our first mistake.
The first words our daughter said progressed like this: Daddy, Mommy, hi, bye, up, down, and Elmo. Elmo was one of my daughter's first words. She saw Elmo on her diaper and said "Elmo". For a while we were concerned that she was calling all diapers "Elmos" until Elmo showed up on a sippy cup.
And then Elmo showed up in one of her bedtime storybooks, and then Elmo showed up in doll form, and on DVDs, and a backpack, and more. Elmo was everywhere. We never asked for Elmo paraphernalia. We didn't need to. Elmo is unavoidable.
Coca-Cola may think it knows how to corner a market. But compared to Elmo, Coca-Cola looks decidedly mainstream. Every toddler household must have something featuring the furry red muppet.
Elmo is ubiquitous, he is beyond ubiquitous. Is he even a "he"? I don't know, I think so. But "he" seems genderless. "He's" a monster. "He" has no visible boy or girl parts. "His" voice while varying in pitch always seems to stay in higher octaves.
It doesn't matter, whether Elmo is a he, she, or it, my daughter loves Elmo. She loves Elmo and she requests Elmo.
"ELLL-MO!" and "More More Elmo" are two of the most common cries heard in our home.
When we change her diaper, she seems to enjoy it more if it's an Elmo. When she wants her sippy cup, she calls for her "Elmo". In storybooks Elmo always gets a shout out while the other muppets are overlooked.
Elmo is here to stay.
Resistance against Elmo is futile. I may as well try to stop the tide from coming in. Elmo's presence is a part of parenthood. And like the diapers, the vomiting, and the daycare diseases, I'll do must best to live with Elmo. So long as "he" doesn't ask to be tickled.
Parenting Lessons from a Pet Owner's Manual
It has been well documented on this site that my daughter loves dogs. She loves dogs so much, that one of her favourite books happens to be a pet owner's manual. We often read Pugs: A Complete Pet Owner's Manual before bed time. And by read, I mean we flip through the pages and look at pictures of pugs.
During the numerous "readings" of this book, I actually read a page or two. Surprisingly raising a pug dog is not so different from raising a toddler.
Below are a few priceless gems of parenting advice from Pugs: A Complete Pet Owner's Manual. These are actual quotes from the manual, though in some instances I have changed the word "pug" to "baby" or "toddler".
Most "babies" adjust swimmingly. They enter their new homes with wiggly excitement and great curiosity. Do not be surprised or insulted if your newcomer looks apprehensive. Keep the welcoming party to a minimum, and reassure your new friend by stroking and speaking to her gently.
Baby gates, the sturdy, hinged, swing-open kind, are essential for those rare times when you want to confine your grown, housebroken "baby" to a room in which you are not present.
"Babies" are best left in their crates when you cannot be with them.
"Potty" training
"Potty"-training a "baby" is simple. It consists of knowing that your "baby" has to relieve herself before she knows it.
If your "baby" is not "potty"-trained, you will have to take her out-of-doors several times a day to the spot where you want her to eliminate.
Some people bathe their "babies" in the kitchen sink. We find it more comfortable to bathe ours, once they are full-grown, in the bathtub.
If the water feels uncomfortably warm to you, chances are it will to your "baby". Adjust accordingly until the water is comfortably lukewarm.
Because baths are stimulating for "babies", take them outside for quick run after toweling them dry.
"Baby" food and treats
"Baby" food is not hard to find. Supermarkets, convenience stores, pet shops, feed-and-seed emporiums, discount-buying clubs, and veterinarians will gladly sell you all you need.
There is no more jolly and attentive audience than "toddlers" contemplating a treat. Their nostrils flare, their bodies quiver from head to tail, their breath comes in fiery snorts, and their eyes threaten to pop out of their precious little heads.
If you want to send a "baby" into terminal euphoria, bring home a sweaty, smoked-and-processed pig's ear.
"Toddlers" like being outdoors and if at all possible, should be provided with a securely fenced yard in which they can race about when the spirit moves them.
Life with a "baby"
If you have never experienced the continuing joy of watching a "baby" come to terms with the world, and trying to bend the world to its terms, your life is poorer for want of that experience.
"Babies" are all wide soulful eyes, flapping, velvety ears, and panting enthusiasm. They are fetchingly soft, unerringly cute, endearingly klutzy, unfailingly energetic, and damnably stubborn on occasion.
As every parent knows, parenting advice can come from anywhere. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go potty-train my pug and put my daughter outside to do her business.
Feeding Time
When we returned from the hospital with a newborn baby, our poor pug dog felt the shift in affection and attention. He became a hairy second fiddle. On more than one occasion we completely forgot to feed him. He went without his doggy dinner because we were attentive new parents and inattentive dog owners.
He hasn't gone without his dog food lately, not because we've properly balanced our child-dog affection ratio but because our daughter has taken to feeding the dog.
She's a behavioural sponge these days and after seeing us feed the dog daily (or every second day), she mimicked the motions. It was really cute. And it kept her busy. Those are two things parents look for in an activity, especially the latter.
Allowing our toddler to feed the dog has led to a few things. She's emptied the entire container of dog food on the kitchen floor – numerous times. She's overfed the dog. She's underfed the dog. She's eaten a piece of two of kibble. Like vegetables, she doesn't care for kibble and mainly puts it in her mouth for show before spitting it out.
Our daughter always lets our portly pug know when it's time for dog food – by yelling his name. She yells his name until he shows up. Then she proceeds to scoop out the kibble into his bowl alternating between using the scoop and her hands. Sometimes she scoops the kibble directly onto the floor. The kibble blends into the carpet and we wind up crushing it beneath our feet. It's like walking on a pebbly beach.
I'd like to say that feeding the dog food ends when our toddler puts the container away but it usually ends when our daughter begins throwing dog food. The kibble and the accompanying bits have migrated to other parts of the house. We have found kibble in shoes, Tupperware, the dishwasher, the bathroom, and our Kitchen Aid stand mixer. Everyone who's ever had a baked good at our house just regretted reading that last part. Now you all know our secret ingredient.
Feeding the dog or "daw ood" in toddler-speak is now a common pastime in our household, with our daughter begging to play at all hours of the day. Our pug's ever expanding girth may be due to these mid-day feedings. If our daughter doesn't get to play "daw ood" or if we try to end the game early an inevitable tantrum ensues. It's gotten to the point that we hide the dog food container to prevent tantrums.
Of course, our dog needs to eat and our daughter needs to be entertained. So the container inevitably emerges, kibble is spilt and the dog gets fed. And I quietly hope for the day that our daughter cleans the dog's dinner off the floor like the dog cleans her dinner off the floor.
Reality Babies
For some reason people always ask me if I watch the MTV show Teen Mom. Full disclosure I'm neither a teen nor a mom. I have however on occasion watched the show. Okay, more than on occasion. During my manternity leave I somehow became hooked on Teen Mom. I watched a season in its entirety. I also spent the better part of a week watching a Hoarders marathon. Make your own conclusions.
MTV's Teen Mom is a spin-off of MTV's 16 and Pregnant in the same manner that having a baby is a spin-off of unprotected sex.
The season I watched was the second season, following the lives of Farrah, Macy, Amber, Catellynn and their accidental offspring. Whenever I questioned my skills as a parent, I could always look to the exploits of these girls and breathe a sigh of relief. Of course it's not a fair comparison.
Teen Mom like all MTV programming is enjoyable on a surface level but if you give it any deeper thought it's absolutely terrible. Like any of the music MTV would be playing instead of Teen Mom, if MTV actually played music.
Teen Mom is the worst kind of guilty programming. MTV's Jersey Shore is guilty television because your brain slowly liquefies as you watch the inanity of very orange people drink and fight and fight and drink. Teen Mom is guilty television because you realize that you're contributing to the fame monster infecting these moms and making them pimply little Kate Gosselins. And that's not the worst of it.
The worst comes when you realize that they use real babies in Teen Mom. Not stunt babies or prop babies or really short actors looking for a break. Actual real babies. Unlike Snooki these poor babies didn't decide to let us watch their lives, no, they were born into reality television.
"Born into reality television" that could be the saddest sentence ever, after "musical performance by Heidi Montag."
MTV denies culpability in what they've created by ending every episode of the show with a sternly voiced warning that teen pregnancy is preventable. It's not asterisked with the implied MTV consequences of pseudo-celebrity and cover appearances on US Weekly.
Warning: Teen pregnancy is preventable. But if you do get pregnant send us an audition tape and maybe you can make it on next season.
And there is a next season: Teen Mom 2. I haven't watched Teen Mom 2 for all the reasons above and because most sequels never live up to the original.
Floating Castle.
My daughter's bath is full of toys, various pieces of molded plastic for her entertainment. Most of these plastic delights resemble marine animals, except for this book. It's a bath book. The first in her aquatic library, "The Castle" by Pattie Silver. Below is a full excerpt.
The prince is very nice.
The crocodile is mean.
The princess waits
On the other side,
To become the beautiful queen.
That's the entire text of the book. Sorry for the spoilers. It's the tale of a meek princess waiting for her prince to rescue her so she can be crowned queen. With that kind of plot, I'm surprised it wasn't written in the 1940s.
The Crocodile is mean, so I was expecting he would be some sort of challenge for the prince. Maybe the crocodile is more snarky then violent. Like he's kept the princess in the castle with catty insults instead of the threat of physicality.
The confrontation between the prince and the crocodile is missing from the book. The prince just walks through another part of the moat, avoiding the crocodile entirely. And if the crocodile is mean, why does he chill out to watch the prince propose? Is he secretly into romance?
Also, are crocodiles really an indigenous species to a place that has a Tudor-inspired castle (ie. England). This book's logic is totally flawed. Was it written by George Lucas?
All in all, this is a book that's best looked at and not read. It can float and the pictures are pretty. By the time my daughter can actually read, this book won't be in her library. If she's going to learn about meek princesses being rescued by noble princes it won't be from a book, it'll be from a Disney movie.
Splish. Splash.
(Today over at Sweetspot, there's another Distracted Daddy post about our babysitter and her TV habits.)
Every morning before I have a shower, I have to clear the bathtub of various bath toys; rubber duckies, plastic sea creatures, and soggy facecloths. My daughter now bathes in our full bathtub. She used to bathe in a small plastic bin, but she outgrew the bin which means I outgrew having it spill water on the floor.
Bath time is a daily activity with our daughter. It's part of her routine. Dinner, then bathtime, then bed. Dinner muddies the bath, its contents float around like we're making toddler soup.
What we serve for dinner is always a good indicator of how thoroughly our toddler will need to be bathed. Dry toast equals a quick dip. Cottage cheese or yogurt or anything that is more liquid than solid usually means thorough scrubbing and deep cleansing.
My wife and I have bath time down to an efficient system with our daughter. I start the bath, frequently checking the temperature to ensure I don't scald the baby, while my wife undresses her. Once my daughter's undressed she runs to the bath.
We used to let her run to the bath completely naked. It was cute seeing her cherub-like body run towards the water, or towards other toys. It was cute until the day she squatted in the hallway and peed. There was a little puddle on the floor. So we stopped letting her run naked before baths after she peed on the floor (the second time).
My daughter likes baths, except when she doesn't, and there's no way of knowing. When she doesn't like the baths she acts like she's being waterboarded.
When she likes the bath she splashes, she plays with toys, and she drinks bathwater like it's refreshing Gatorade. Seriously, I don't know what the deal is with toddlers and drinking bathwater. But my daughter loves it, it's ambrosial. If she's not trying to drink it out of the cup we use to wash her hair she's trying to suck it out of the washcloth. If Coca-Cola could bottle that magical combination of baby grunge, leftover dinner, and baby shampoo they would have a new number one drink on their hands. At least for the toddler market.
Bath removal is the biggest issue regarding bath time. Our daughter hates bath removal. She wants to stay in the bath and prune up. Bath removal always involves one parent with a towel and another parent removing the angry thrashing toddler. She fusses, she cries, she complains, which is great because it's not like bath time is supposed to calm her before bedtime. I guess that's what story time is for.


text:
THURSDAY, June 28 (HealthDay News) -- Myrbetriq (mirabegron) has been approved to treat adults with overactive bladder, a condition affecting some 33 million Americans, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration said Thursday in a news release.
The drug is designed to relax the bladder muscle as the bladder fills, minimizing the potential symptoms of needing to urinate too often, needing to urinate immediately or the involuntary leakage of urine, the agency said.
The drug's safety and effectiveness were evaluated in clinical studies involving 4,116 people with overactive bladder. The most common side effects were a rise in blood pressure, cold-like symptoms, urinary tract infection, constipation, fatigue, increased heart rate and abdominal pain.
Myrbetriq is marketed by Astellas Pharma US, based in Northbrook, Ill.
More information
The U.S. National Library of Medicine has more about overactive bladder.
上一篇:2012年7月FDA上市新药CARFILZOMIB下一篇:2012年6月FDA批准上市新型减肥药绿卡色林Lorcaserin Hydrochloride

subset: commoncrawl


text:
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Our Richmond BMW dealership offers a wide selection of used cars. We also have a state of the are service center, parts department, and friendly finance staff. Visit us today and click here to get directions.


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The Seaside Collection is a fresh approach to casual cottage style furniture. Mixing the best of cottage and country it creates an updated contemporary design. The collection mixes the best of cottage and country to create a more contemporary design. The Antiqued White finish shows some slightly worn edges and distressing which add traditional aged looked for a cozy heirloom feel. Crafted out of solid hardwoods and painted wood products to create a reliable piece of furniture. This collection is a great choice for younger girls and teenagers. This pieces are so versatile they could even be used to decorate guest bedrooms or vacation homes.
This collection offers many sleep and storage options so that you can adapt your furniture to your specific needs. Custom hardware designed specifically for this collection mixed with planking, bun feet, spools and urn shapes truly create a unique take on a favored style.
The Seaside Bookcase Nightstand is a perfect complement to the panel bed in this collection. It adds bedside functionality with two shelves for decor and bookcase and a pegboard for photos and keepsakes. There is even a storage drawer for hiding treasures and night time necessities. There is plenty of room on top for a reading lamp, clock, phone charger, or anything else you like. These versatile stands don't need a bed to show off, you can use them in playrooms or next to computer desks for that extra bit of storage.
Would you like us to help you find a similar item? Talk with our Design Consultants toll-free at1-800-927-5164.
*Shipping transit time varies based on destination. Free shipping offers are limited to the 48 contiguous states of the USA.
International Customers (including Alaska and Hawaii) please contact a Customer Service Representative if you have any questions about placing an order with PoshTots.
Promotion codes cannot be used for sale item purchases.
*Free shipping offers are limited to the 48 contiguous states of the USA.


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Select a City
Newmarket, NH
Best Hiking Trails around Newmarket, NH
Add an Organization
3 Purgatory Falls Trail
Lyndeborough, NH
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A Sweet Trail to a Great Bay
Longmarsh Road
Newmarket, NH
Looking for a great trail to hike this summer or snowshoe this winter? Put on your hiking boots or snowshoes and head to the 4.3-mile Sweet Trail. ...
Read More »
Ahern State Park
43 Great Bay Lane
Laconia, NH
Ahern State Park spans 128 acres, with 3,500 feet of shoreline on Lake Winnisquam. The park was transferred to the state in November, 1994 as Gover...
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Air Line State Park Trail
Smith Street
East Hampton, CT
Though the rails are long gone, this rail bed once offered fashionable, rapid transit from New York to Boston. Those who travel the corridor ...
Read More »
Alewife Brook Reservation
Somerville, MA
Open year round, dawn to dusk The 120-acre Alewife Reservation is among metropolitan Boston's largest urban wilds and provides habitat for an array...
Read More »
Allis State Park
284 Allis State Park Road
Brookfield, VT
Allis State Park was established in 1928 as Vermont's second developed state park. The park is named for Wallace Allis, who willed his B...
Read More »
America's Stonehenge
105 Haverhill Road
Salem, NH
Built by a Native American Culture or a migrant European population? No one knows for sure. A maze of man-made chambers, walls and ceremonial meeti...
Read More »
Androscoggin Riverlands
Route 117
Turner, ME
Lying near Maine's second largest urban area (Lewiston/Auburn), Androscoggin Riverlands State Park is a 2,675-acre expanse with 12 miles of river f...
Read More »
Annett Wayside Park
538 Cathedral Road
Rindge, NH
Annett Wayside Park is part of the 1,494 acre Annett State Forest and is located near the Cathedral of the Pines National Shrine. It is a beautiful...
Read More »
Appalachian Trail - Baldpate Mountain
Bethel, ME
(5.8 miles round trip to West Peak; 7.6 miles round trip to East Peak; allow 7 hours round trip; challenging) Cross Route 26 and follow the white-b...
Read More »
Appalachian Trail - Glastenbury Mountain
Bennington, VT
Follow the Appalachian/Long Trail, marked with white blazes, north, crossing the William A. McArthur Bridge. At 1.7 miles, there is a spur trail th...
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Appalachian Trail - Norwich
Norwich, VT
Norwich, Vermont is located in Windsor County and has a population of about 3,363. It is located along the Connecticut River, is home to many busin...
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Arcadia Trail
Exeter, RI
At over 14,000 mostly forested acres, the Arcadia Management Area is the state's largest recreational area, offering users a great variety of oppor...
Read More »
Arethusa Falls and Frankenstein Cliff Trail
Bartlett, NH
Read More »
Ashland Reservoir
162 West Union Street
Ashland, MA
Ashland State Park has 470 acres including the 157 acre Ashland Reservoir. The park is operated seasonally and provides opportunities for swimming,...
Read More »
Ashland State Park
162 West Union Street
Ashland, MA
Ashland State Park has 470 acres including the 157 acre Ashland Reservoir. The park is operated seasonally and provides opportunities for swimming,...
Read More »
Baker Peak Trail
South End Road
Danby, VT
The Lake Trail climbs out of the Otter Creek lowlands and enters Big Branch Wilderness Area on a long switchback that eventually brings one to McGi...
Read More »
Bald Mountain Loop Hike
30 S Mendon Road
Rutland, VT
From Bennington: The trail, marked with blue blazes, begins where a power line crosses North Branch Street Extension. After 50 feet from the parkin...
Read More »
Bald Mountain Public Reserved Land
Oquossoc, ME
Escape to the scenic Bald Mountain Public Reserved Land unit where outdoor enthusiasts thrive in this four-season wonderland. Hike Bald Mountain's ...
Read More »
Barrett Park
40 Barrett Parkway
Leominster, MA
Read More »
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Hard Cap
Media +2
|ICO is over
Platform +1
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|ICO is over
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Watch top ICO rating in the ICO hot list on ICObuffer
Business in the field of the Initial Coin Offering has become very popular, and it is not surprising. A team with a comparatively small starting capital can realize their idea in a short time, provided that the concept is presented properly. Rating is one of the most effective ways to show the ICO list so that each potential investor can see the most successful and demanded projects, study their features and make a decision.
ICO rating list as the shortest path to the success
The project can be the most interesting, useful and profitable, but what is the point, if it is lost in a huge number of proposals from competitors? The cost of advertising your business is fundamental for the successful implementation of an idea, but that's not all. With the help of advertising alone it's not easy to attract the attention of the target audience. Banners or videos will tell users only about the most positive characteristics. The best, the most advanced, the ideal - all this is not more than promises for those who really want to invest in ICO.
Serious people - representatives of the big business and investors - are primarily interested in the essence of the proposal. Do they have time to study in detail the White Paper, reading each line? Can they hire analysts on their own to inspect exactly your proposal from A to Z? All this is possible only in the case of specific interest. For example, you and your potential partner have already agreed on the forthcoming deal. To rise to this level of relationships, you need to be able to single out your idea against the hundreds of similar ones. The rating is mutually convenient and the only way out of this situation.
Let's come at the situation from the different angle. You are the owner of a certain amount of money that you are willing to give to the development of an attractive and promising business. In the future, it will bring you a passive income from the sale of the inner ICO currency on the exchange or you join the new and profitable enterprise as an active participant. It is the main concept of the Initial Coin Offering. To give the startup a chance of becoming a world sensation - many investors aim at this purpose. However, nobody wants to just pay money, guided only by promises. Here, we are not even talking about scams.
Many ambitious projects failed at the very beginning and didn't become a new line of business or a scientific know-how. At the same time, no one was going to treat you. Just the expectations did not coincide with the reality, and statistics proves this fact best. According to the research data, more than half of all the presented ICOs are not able to collect even 75% of the funds. It happens that the organization made a sufficient fund-raising but they simply couldn't distribute them competently and wasted the right moment. But the investors lose more. Why did this situation happen? A person, who gave money, did not pay attention to the ICO review list, and then felt sorry for that. The rating system is not a beauty contest and the analytical work is being done by a professional team.
The cryptocurrency ICO list on the ICObuffer is formed on the basis of thorough professional analysis of each proposal. The specialists study all the characteristics of the ICO, set out in the White Paper, without exception. The project team is the subject of our close attention. Who took up the idea? Do they have experience of such work, have successful results been achieved? A well-known person – a financier, a businessman, a coach - attracts attention and only with his background does so, that people send their finances to develop the offer. Vitalik Buterin before the success of his project Ethereum was an ordinary programmer, so the famous name is not always a guarantee of a successful finish.
We conduct an impartial inspection of any position on our ICO coin list, and issue a result in the form of a real rating. It is based on several factors. As it was said before, this is the team and its composition. Quality of the White Paper, the availability of MVP is important. KYC is also mentioned if there is one. The maximum and minimum investment amount, the start and end terms of ICOs, the features of the internal cryptocurrency - these are the key points. How to find the best offer in the rating? All the necessary information is in front of you. Additionally, you can also explore ICO review list and interviews to get to the heart of the matter in detail.
Buying a token in top best ICO list: what is worth the attention?
You do not need to be a millionaire to make a contribution to the development of an interesting project. Many companies offer to make an investment that is comparable to a few cents. This is how the story of one of the most successful ICO Ethereum began. Just a few dollars or even less - and you get tokens. These cryptocurrencies from the ICO safe list are not yet full-fledged digital money and, one might say, are at the stage of their formation. After the complete sale they will demonstrate the potential and give a profit both to the founders and investors.
In each team there is an expert or a group that deals with the technical side of the issue, i.e. decide on which platform is best to make a crypto for the ICO. Developers are engaged in the development of wallets. As a rule, most of their crypto coins comply with the ERC20 standard. An attractive idea and its perspectives often distract attention from the most important question - from the token as such. Programming, cryptography, platforms - let all of this be done by coders. What else can you say about the token? This information requires the close studying. The economic model of the cryptocoin can become a decisive factor for the future ICO. The initial cost is established by the founders of the project. After the release of a new cryptocurrency into exchanges, the market determines how much new cryptocurrency will cost.
Inflationary tokens are under the full control of economists from the team. The format can be compared to shares when each owner can not only receive dividends in the future, but also take part in active management of the enterprise. An interesting fact: the USA has got its Securities Commission (SEC). This organization performs an important function, because requires the owners of ICO to fulfill a number of requirements. It helps protect potential tokens from scammers. In the case of the slightest suspicion, the campaign will be prohibited from disseminating information, advertising, and even the prosecution of founders may begin.
The real economy has for some time stood aside from the area of the Initial Coin Offering. Companies in this case prefer to issue credit tokens and present them in the ICO token sale list. Investors buy this domestic currency, which will then be bought by the developers at a more attractive price. There are application tokens. Otherwise they are called appcoins. They immediately represent the currency of the service, and it is used for transactions within the system. The Golem is an example of such a platform. Some companies produce so-called burning of tokens, when the currency disappears after the transaction, therefore, the value of the remaining monetary units is increased.
How to buy tokens from the cryptocurrency ICO list
So, the project in the ICO full list has met all your requirements, you have done a thorough analysis of all its characteristics, discussed details with management and made a decision. What actions does one need to take to get company's tokens on his or her virtual wallet?
It all starts with buying a cryptocurrency. Typically, ICOs, shown in our best ICO list, sell their tokens for Bitcoin or Ethereum. It's good if you already have a wallet. If not, registering on the service, for example on My Ether Wallet, is not difficult and quite fast. For more reliable and safe storage, hard wallets are recommended. To the exchange account, you can bind your bank card and pay for the cryptocoins the fiat money. Users having wallets on resources such as Coinbase must make a personal one, otherwise purchased token will go to the exchange account, and not to you. The purchase of a crypto should be made one week before the start of the ICO.
After agreeing all the nuances and communicating with a project management, find the function of buying tokens on their website. There you will see a wallet code for transferring digital assets. Only after verifying the site address and the code, start the transaction! We remind you that there are a lot of scammers and fishing sites. Did everything go well, and the tokens entered your account? When they are in small numbers, an online or desktop storage is a good thing. For large amounts, we again ask you not to save money and buy a Ledger or Trezor device. As for supporting tokens with hardware wallets, ERC-20 coins are not problematic.
Why should you trust ICO ranking list on ICObuffer?
If you have already come here, then you are definitely interested in the proposals we have shown in the ICO sale list. It remains only to answer the question, whether it is worth to trust the rating, which is presented on the resource? The information, you are looking through in the top ICO right now, deserves to be trusted for at least three reasons:
- ICObuffer register only the most relevant and interesting projects
- Analysis of the documentation and the team is done professionally
- ICO list 2018 is being daily updated so you always have an actual info
ICO coin list for investors of all levels
Our ICO list website works for anyone who wants to participate in the ICO, to realize themselves in a new business and to invest money. Regardless of whether you are a millionaire willing to support an interesting idea and benefit in the future, or a student whose budget allows purchasing just a few tokens, ICObuffer meets everyone's expectations.
- You will find a large choice of projects at various stages and the top ICO list
- The catalog allows sampling ICOs by the branch, availability of KYC, MVP, etc.
- It is possible to contact the administration of the resource at any time by email
- Informative and useful ICO reviews appear regularly in the blog
- Active groups in social networks will allow you to keep abreast of events
- For ICO founders, we offer unique opportunities to promote projects


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Automobile Injury Chiropractic Treatment
Nobody plans to be involved in a car accident or to suffer ongoing pain from related injuries. If the unthinkable does occur, automobile injury chiropractic care may help. If you need help in a hurry, you can get immediate appointments here in Stuart, FL, at Bunk Family Spine And Wellness.
We're available to serve your needs during flexible hours Monday - Thursday, 8:30am - 6:00pm. As our patient, you'll meet with us here in our modern facility. We'll work hard to maintain a comfortable and relaxing environment to help calm you during treatment. Your care will be personalized to fit your needs, and may include:
- Manual adjustment
- Traction
- Massage
- Exercise and strength training
There's no reason to suffer from pain when an automobile injury chiropractic provider can help. At Bunk Family Spine And Wellness, we serve the Greater Stuart area. Call us today for free consultations or to learn more about our payment plan availability. We're anxious to serve your needs and help you feel better.
I have been to several other Chiropractors in the past and Dr. Bunk is hands down the very best! He doesn't over schedule so I always get right in. He is very caring but gets right to the point of resolving the issue.
Dr. Bunk is the best around! My whole family gets treated in his office and we have been very happy. I highly recommend him!
Dr. Bunk is a wonderful chiropractor. Through my conversation with Dr. Bunk I could tell that he is extremely dedicated to his field and cares about providing the best treatment for his patients. He takes the time to actually explain to you what issues he has spotted, how he expects to treat those issues and what results he expects from those treatments. He was able to accommodate my work schedule which relieved my stress tremendously. Ivana
Just moved into the area and had my visit visit with Dr. Bunk. What a great experience. He took the time to ask me questions to better understand my current condition, explained in detail the work that he does, shared his views on how he thought he could help me and then performed a great adjustment. Caring, thoughtful and professional.
Dr Bunk is great Chiropractor! Friendly, caring, and very knowledgeable. Highly recommend!
Just a great experience start to finish! Incredibly thorough and educational. Loved how the process and goal was explained to me before and loved how my body felt afterwards. I would highly recommend Bunk Family Spine and Wellness to anyone looking to improve their health.
Always leave feeling better than when I got there. Always on time, no waiting around wasting my time. Great personality and very knowledgeable. Highly recommended.
Excellent service! Great Christian family! Nicest people!
Dr. Bunk is the best!
I have been to several other Chiropractors in the past and Dr. Bunk is hands down the very best! He doesn't over schedule so I always get right in. He is very caring but gets right to the point of resolving the issue.
Dr.Bunk is caring and professional always feel great after a visit
Thanks for a great adjustment!
Great Doctor
Dr. Bunk is a true professional who has provided excellent treatments for my lower back discomfort. Thank you!
Best Chiropractor on the Treasure Coast
Extremely knowledgeable and professional. It's obvious Dr. Bunk cares a lot about his patients well-being.
not only did take of what I came in for{My Knee } he also took care of some things that I did not tell him about{ MY neck} Thankyou dr BUNK
great service!
I have been visiting Dr Bunk for several years now when my back issues flair up. He is always courteous and professional, and usually within a few visits can help me substantially.
My family has been going to dr bunk since he's been in practice. Will never go any where else. Very thorough and patient. Highly recommended.
No wait and very short time of treatment so it was all positive. Amazing that something so quick and easy already seems to be working. :)
Very professional and he has a sense of humor.
I went to Dr.Bunk because I was not able to move my arm with out a great deal of pain or sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. Dr. Bunk took xrays then took time to discuss the xrays with me then treated me for the problem, after the treatment the pain in my arm eased and I was able to sleep the night through.The pain is not completely gone yet but the above statement was after my first visit. Looking forward to my next visit.
I have never been to a chiropractor before and after talking to Dr.Bunk i feel confident that he can help me.
Great experience
Dr Bunk did a great job relieving my sciatica pain. He knew exactly where the problem was and performed the right adjustments to relieve my pain Thank you Dr. Bunk
excellent service and knowlegable staff.
First Visit Exceeded My Expectations
Just moved into the area and had my visit visit with Dr. Bunk. What a great experience. He took the time to ask me questions to better understand my current condition, explained in detail the work that he does, shared his views on how he thought he could help me and then performed a great adjustment. Caring, thoughtful and professional.
Super professional and friendly
I was in terrible pain. It turned out I have dislocated rib. So I just showed up on a busy Monday! Bunk Family Spine and Wellness took me right away. I did not have an appointment and it was amazing that they took care of me that instant. The experience at the facility was awesome. Clean, bright and happy office. Dr. Bunk is super professional, nice and caring.
Very professional
Dr Bunk is very professional and extremely knowledgeable about chiropractic health care. He is compassionate to his patients and has excellent listening skills. He is punctual and one of the best drs I have ever gone to
I am feeling better already and I am positive it's only going to get better. Thank you so much.
Wonderful service
Dr Bunk is so friendly that when he is adjusting you and he tells you to relax it is easy
Awesome chiropractor
Dr. Bunk always provides superior care to our family. I would highly recommend him to anyone.
The absolute best!
Dr. Bunk is just the best. From his treatment to the office environment. From the moment I walk into the office I am at relaxed and at ease. He takes the time to listen to what your problem may be. I have never left with a negative feeling from there. Good chiropractor and most importantly a GREAT person.
Hearing Restored
I sought chiropractic treatment a month ago because I was desperate. I had suffered from colds and sinus issues for the past several months. Six months ago I had ruptured my ear drum. A little over a month ago I suffered once again from a cold and this time I also had laryngitis and hearing loss. After seeking treatment (once again) from my ENT I was prescribed an antibiotic, steroid nasal spray and an OTC allergy medication. After taking these meds for a week I still couldn't hear and had absolutely no improvement. Several people suggested I seek chiropractic care. After my first visit my hearing was restored about 10%. After a month, my hearing is fully restored. All of this without ANY medication! Dr. Bunk is so gentle in manipulating my neck. I would tense up with prior chiropractors when they tried to adjust my neck. Not so with Dr. Bunk. I am a firm believer in chiropractic care.
Great Chiroparctic practice and skill
I could not look over my shoulder and he took me right away even though I was a new patient. I am very reluctant to let anybody manipulate my neck, but he did it and felt almost immediate relief. I went back the next day for another adjustment and am almost back to normal. The only improvement I could suggest is having one of the roller table and some TENS first to assist the relaxation before the adjustment. I can certainly recommend him to my friends and family. Thanks for getting back to Pickleball! Judi
I really enjoy coming to this clinic the doctor is very general and you know gets the job done Very knowledgeable about my back
Migraine relief, finally!
I've been suffering from migraines for many years and have had minimal relief from prescribed medications. Yesterday was one of my worst days with a migraine and unfortunately my prescriptions were not working at all. Although I was so anxious from the excruciating pain in my head, Dr. Bunk was kind enough to talk me through the procedure and calm me down enough to perform an atlas bone adjustment. After resting a bit in his office, I started to feel relief. I was able to open my eyes again and handle sunlight. I was able to see clearly again, and I could certainly navigate the world again without the debilitating migraine I had arrived with to his office. My migraine has not returned today and I slept like a log last night. I am grateful to have found help for a problem that has been ongoing for many years. I am looking forward to my next visit and highly recommend Dr. Bunk to anyone suffering from debilitating migraines or any other health issues.
Excellent Service
I would highly recommend Bunk Family Spine and Wellness. Dr. Bunk is an excellent service provider. He thoroughly explains his procedures and what it is that he feels he can do to help with your condition . I was a little apprehensive on my first visit to his office. I had never been to a chiropractor before. Dr Bunk was patient and understanding of my situation. He assured me that everything would be alright. It quickly became obvious to me that Dr. Bunk is very experienced and has a lot of knowledge in the area of his practice. Dr. bunk is also very respectful of his patient's time. His appointments are scheduled so that there is never a long wait in his office. The overall perk of professionalism !
Fantastic Experience
Just a great experience start to finish! Incredibly thorough and educational. Loved how the process and goal was explained to me before and loved how my body felt afterwards. I would highly recommend Bunk Family Spine and Wellness to anyone looking to improve their health.
Very professional! Best adjustments we all have received in years!
We are so happy with Dr. Bunk's care. He gives incredible, thorough adjustments. He listened to our concerns and addressed each area completely. We would highly recommend his care to anyone. He will be our chiropractor for as long as possible!
Excellent Chiropractic Care
I don't need 500 characters for a review. You want my review: Here it is: Go there... Unless you don't want to feel that euphoric feeling after a great adjustment...
Finally found a great Doctor that takes care of my ailments.
Always leave feeling better than when I got there. Always on time, no waiting around wasting my time. Great personality and very knowledgeable. Highly recommended.
My back is 100% better.
Dr. Bunk, My husband asked me about an hour ago how my back was feeling. I responded with, "You know what? It doesn't hurt one bit." He incredulously said, "Really? That's great." You are no doubt the most thorough, genuine, professional and caring chiropractor ever! Thanks and blessings, Jill M.
High Quality Service
Dr. Bunk was a great listener and explained his chiropractic approach to my particular problem before proceeding with treatment. I will definitely return!
Dr. Bunk is very professional and friendly. I feel confident that he is helping me get better.
Quality Care
I have been a patient with Bunk Family Spine & Wellness for many years. Dr. Bunk is honest and trustworthy. You will not be given unnecessary tests or treatments and will be diagnosed properly with the right treatment plan. The office is friendly, caring and you are treated on a personal level. You are never rushed and Dr.Bunk will always take time to listen to any concerns. I'd recommend this practice to anyone looking for chiropractic care!
I soooooo appreciate you treating me while I was visiting our Son Michael Fuller. Your treatment helped my problem with my hips and back soooooooo very much. It allowed me to travel on with our trip. Thanks sooooooo much for your care and compassion . May God continue to bless you as you minister to others. Janet Fuller.
Amazing !!!! The absolute best
I highly recommend Dr. Bunk for all of your neck and back needs! It's a very relaxing professional and homie environment! I always feel amazing when I leave 5 stars all the way
Knowledgable, Trusting
I go in feeling knotted and leave with a immense relief. Within less than 2 weeks since going, I've noticed a huge improvements.
Caring and professional combined
Happy to have gone,should have not waited for a problem to arise. Will make an effort to go monthly. Thanks to a great Dr. And person
Excellent service
Detail to our issues and the time taken to discuss and explain the procedures,
Friendly, Courteous and very thorough.
It was my first visit here. Dr. Bunk made my experience very comfortable. He took the time to explain my treatment and the direction in which we were going to proceed. Very professional and very courteous.
EXCELLENT, professional chiropractic service at its best!
My former chiropractor, having retired, suggested Dr Bunk. I made a first appointment and was very pleased with Dr Bunk's treatment of my lumbar problem. His examination was complete and detailed. The adjustments relieved stress which had been forming since my last chiropractic visit and which were not discerned by me because of the slow nature of the onset. Dr Bunk saw what was needed and did the necessary adjustments. Thank you, Dr Bunk.
Pain in my neck
Dr. Bunk has been my chiropractor for over 3 years he knows how to get me out of pain takes me right in knows exactly where to adjust me and I feel like a million bucks when I leave and he's a good man thank you doctor bunk
Outstanding service, knowledgeable and empathetic
Jason is a kind Doctor and phenomenal human being, he cares for his patients and take his time to cover any concerns. I would never go to another chiropractor
Bunk family Spine and Wellness.
I was very pleased with the service. The doctor is very kind and takes his time. He doesn't rush through his clients. Very thorough, and the atmosphere is very peaceful. On a scale one to ten, I'll give it an eleven! =)
Appointments are always on time. No waiting. Dr. Bunk takes the the time to listen and truly cares about your well being. Fast, friendly,quality care.What's not to love? Thank you.
Always Beneficial
Dr. Bunk is a thorough and caring professional.
Quality service
Very personable and knowledgeable. After x-rays were completed Dr. Jason explained the issue I had and presented a plan on how we could improve the situation and gave me my first adjustment.
First visit
thorough, informative and complete. I have always shied away from chiropractic treatment (for my own reasons) but with this visit's results, I will be going back. Thanks Doc.
Professional excellent service.
The best chiropractor I found in this area. Holistic, minimal approach and does not book excessive appointments. Very respectful of customers time-you don't wait.
Deborah's appointment
Deborah is feeling a lot better than she was. She still has some pain in her neck though. She can not tilt her head all the way back either. She is very thankful she got her neck cracked yesterday, although it still hurts some. She needs her back cracked also.
Great experience
Excellent office vist! Dr Bink is a true professional while making you feel like welcomed.. Highly recommended
Dr. Bunk is not only exceptionally good at what he does, he is very friendly, open, courteous and polite. I would highly recommend him to anyone.
professionalism personified!
Dr. Bunk was great. efficient and friendly two of my favorite qualities in a physician!
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Thank you for sharing us with your friends and family. Referrals are the best thank you gifts we could possibly receive.
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