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smart home is the residential extension of building automation. It involves the control and automation of lighting, heating (such as smart thermostats), ventilation, air conditioning, and security, as well as home appliances such as washer/dryers, ovens or refrigerators/freezers. They use Wi-Fi for remote monitoring and are a part of the Internet of things.
A power supply is an electronic device that supplies electric energyto anelectrical load. The primary function of a power supply is to convert one form of electrical energy to another and, as a result, power supplies are sometimes referred to aselectric power converters. Some power supplies are discrete, stand-alone devices, whereas others are built into larger devices along with their loads.
medical devices any instrument, apparatus, appliance, software, material, or other article—whether used alone or in combination, including the software intended by its manufacturer to be used specifically for diagnostic and/or therapeutic purposes and necessary for its proper application.
LED PCBs usually use aluminum based copper foil laminate, due to the excellent thermal conductivity compared to other fiber glass laminates like FR4. LED lighting appliances include LED bulbs, LED lamps, LED drivers, and so on, and all of them require PCBA as a basic electrical functional part.
Automotive electronics originated from the need to control engines. The first electronic pieces were used to control engine functions and were referred to as engine control units (ECU). But nowadays more and more comforts or entertainments are required in a car, so the passenger comfort and entertainment systems electronics become a more and more important part of automobile electronics.
Audio electronics is the implementation of electronic circuit designs to perform conversions of sound/pressure wave signals to electrical signals, or vice versa. Electronic circuits considered a part of audio electronics may also be designed to achieve certain signal processing operations, in order to make particular alterations to the signal while it is in the electrical form.
Industrial control system (ICS) is a general term that encompasses several types of control systems and associated instrumentation used in industrial production, including supervisory control and data acquisition systems, distributed control systems, and other smaller control system configurations such as programmable logic controllers often found in the industrial sectors and critical infrastructures.
Security controls are safeguards or countermeasures to avoid, detect, counteract, or minimize security risks to physical property, information, computer systems, or other assets, usually includes access control, alarm control, CCTV monitor systems, and so on.
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Slap Shot Keys:Mouse Description: Move the mouse left and right over the player and click to shoot the puck
Every sports lover will find a game they love in here. From Golf to Bowling, we have a wide selection of computer adapted sports games. Category for fans of sport! Here you find games about several sport modalities.
Tags: Hocky, points, table, sport,
Played: 69165
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|Category: Sports

subset: commoncrawl


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The first step in the process of attempting to make these into "racing" heads is to remove the guides and seats, followed by a generous build up of the floor in order to provide a good short side shape.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
January Updates
The first step in the process of attempting to make these into "racing" heads is to remove the guides and seats, followed by a generous build up of the floor in order to provide a good short side shape.
5 comments:
- Mark said...
Hi Lee, can you show a pic. of the welding on the chamber? was wondering how much of the chamber your leaving as S&S made it. I had to put my Knucklehead projects off to the side for now, as I have alot of work to do also, my son and I are working on his 103" shovel trying to have it ready for vinage raceing.
- Wednesday, 01 February, 2012
- pat said...
looking good lee!
- Wednesday, 01 February, 2012
- St. Lee said...
Hi Mark, The welding on the Evo style head really doesn't cross over very well on a Shovel due to its really deep and small diameter chamber (comparatively). Or did I misunderstand and you are not asking about welding the chambers on the Shovel?
Anyway, I have already decked and shaped the chambers on the S&S heads, so without "before" pics, the after pics wouldn't tell you much. The idea is to fill in the sides of the chamber to make it a tight "bathtub shape" and then open it up around the valves just enough that the flow is not hurt, and then machine for the piston domes.
If you still think pictures might help you, shoot me an email and I will send you one.
- Wednesday, 01 February, 2012
- Mark said...
Lee, I was thinking on the chamber shape on the 113" your doing, but I see your doing bath tubs, I'm working on a 113" S&S my self, I too have thought about taking out that giude fin in the ports. I was going to weld up the chambers on the Shovle and make hemi tubs but that will have to wait till next winter as we are running out of time for that, but I was maybe thinking welding up the port floor 3/8.
- Thursday, 02 February, 2012
- St. Lee said...
On this set of S&S heads we are shooting for very high compression ratios, so I added a bunch of material. They will also get 30 degree dome pistons with the heads machined for them.
On the Shovel you may want to add more than 3/8 of an inch to the floor, if possible. Really hard to get in there to weld with a tig though. You may have to get someone who can wire feed aluminum to get all the way up to the seat.
- Thursday, 02 February, 2012


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Patient Care Tech (PCT) II or Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA) NEURO Full-time Nights (Rotating Weeke
HCA Healthcare
$72,070.00 -98,340.00/year*
Laredo, TX
Healthcare - Nursing
1601 San Dario Ave
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Description SHIFT: Nights (rotating weekends) SCHEDULE: Full-time Located in central Austin, St. David's Medical Center includes a 350-bed acute care hospital and a 64- bed rehabilitation hospital providing comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. It is home to the internationally renowned Texas Cardiac Arrhythmia Institute and St. David's Neuroscience & Spine Institute . The hospital provides a complete range of women's services, including its acclaimed maternity unit, maternal-fetal medicine, a high-risk maternal and neonatal transport team, the region's largest and most sophisticated Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and The Breast Center ; complex surgical services; a comprehensive Bariatric Surgery Center ; and a 24-hour emergency department. The Patient Care Technician performs a variety of basic care services related to activities of daily living under the direct supervision of a registered nurse (RN) and/or licensed vocational nurse (LVN). The Patient Care Technician assists the nursing staff in providing patient care according to hospital policies and procedures. The Patient Care Technician accepts assignments on other units when necessary. The Patient Care Technician assists in maintaining a clean, well organized and adequately stocked patient care unit. Employee's conduct must reflect the Company's values and a commitment to the Code of Conduct ethics and compliance program. Acts with honesty and integrity. Treats colleagues, customers, patients and families with respect, loyalty and dignity. Roles may differ on specific units or facilities based upon needs of department. Participates in providing patient specific care standards as directed, and follows service excellence standards to ensure high levels of patient satisfaction. ESSENTIAL JOB RESPONSIBILITIES Participates in providing direct care as directed, according to standards Can work with people from diverse socio-economic backgrounds Communicates all findings in the correct/concise/clear written and or verbal format Can recognize abnormal findings i.e. VS, Skin changes, I&O, etc. and report findings to the nurse Can recognize and respond appropriately in an emergency situation Applies knowledge of the principles of growth and development over the life span to identify patient and family requirements relative to age-specific needs Functions as a sitter, when appropriate Can perform skills to support direct care Can organize, set priorities and manage multiple priorities Can adjust to a rapidly changing work environment Can maintain a clean, well organized and adequately stocked patient care area Maintains equipment in good working order Submits requests for repair appropriately Uses and charges supplies appropriately Can input physician orders, as appropriate Can operate the patient call system Answers and transfers phone calls. Break down and/or copies charts/forms as needed Acts as preceptor for new, floating and cross-training PCT's Have knowledge of limited role of medication security, handling, storage and transport of non-narcotic medications under the approval and direction of a supervisor Phlebotomy for lab specimens, blood cultures Foley catheter care and removal. Nasal swabs Assists with surgical aseptic/sterile procedures maintaining sterile/aseptic technique Assist with set up of equipment as needed Sitting Duties, as appropriate (for suicidal and non-suicidal patients) Maintains visual contact with the patient at all times Never leaves the patient unattended even when patient has visitors. Sitter must remain Never leaves patient in bathroom alone, especially suicidal patients Patient may not leave the floor except for diagnostic procedures and will be accompanied by the sitter at all times Checks the patient room for unsafe items such as razor blades, matches, cigarette lighters, glass receptacles, metal eating utensils, etc, at the beginning of each shift and after any visitors have been present Collects meal utensils after each meal and removes from room Communicates patient behavior or statements referencing harm to nurse Uses the call light or phone for any assistance. Pulls the call light out of the socket or uses emergency call light in an emergency Documents observations at least every 15 minutes or more often if heightened observation level Is familiar with the plan of care Can follow instructions for the care performed Communicates to the nurse any data appropriate to the plan of care Provides meaningful input to the evaluation Communicates information to RN and LVN for evaluation of patient care Qualifications EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE Required High School Diploma or equivalent or proof of higher level of education required if hired after September 2010; Successful completion of week one PCT Intensive Training upon hire. Completion of a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) or , EMT certification, or minimum of first year nursing student or minimum of one year PCT experience or successful completion of two week PCT Intensive Training Preferred Previous experience as a PCT II, CNA, or second year nursing student, including acute care hospital experience and specific experience in the clinical services provided by the unit.
Associated topics: asn, intensive, intensive care unit, mhb, neonatal, nurse, nurse rn, registed, registered nurse, staff nurse
* The salary listed in the header is an estimate based on salary data for similar jobs in the same area. Salary or compensation data found in the job description is accurate.
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The Problem with Statements like "Get Over It"
I saw a little saying on Twitter the other day that read ~ "God likes you. A lot. Deal with it" It was a twitter account that was promoting the book, "The Shack" and although I loved the book, the saying itself really bugged me. And not because I am not a fan of God; I am. But it was the "Deal with it" part that bugged me. I felt like saying "NO" I don't have to "deal with it". I felt "told" and I felt as though I had "no choice". Even though this is meant to be a positive statement, that God likes me a lot, I found it to be irritating.
I have the same aversion to being told things like "get over it" I find instructions and directives like that demeaning, as though these people are inferring that I am incompetent, and that I have made the wrong choice where my own feelings are concerned. Those statements often come in larger sentences such as "Oh for goodness sake, get over it already" and there is always an impatient voice infliction attached to them. Tone of voice is used to "remind me" that I must be too stupid to understand "HOW to deal with it" thereby putting the focus back on me, reminding me that I am incompetent, in order to make me stop talking about whatever it was that I was trying to deal with in the first place.
Let's define the word "IT". "IT" in this case and according to my experience was psychological abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Get over emotional abuse. Get over sexual abuse. Get over physical abuse. Get over being told in actions and sometimes in words, that you were not lovable, not valued, not valid as a human being but rather defined as an object with no feelings, by just forgetting about it. Get over being told (and believing) that no one could love you, not even God, that you were just a big disappointment.
Being told to "get over it" (abuse) is exactly what I was told when I was a kid. It triggers those same feelings of being WRONG, being powerless and being helpless. I had no choice when I was a kid and I grew up well into my adult years not ever realizing that I did in fact have a choice. And as a child, I bought that lie, that I was the one who was wrong.
It reminds me of when I was told that if I didn't stop crying that I would be given something to cry about. And I tried to accept the lie that I was crying for no reason. Again I had no choice about crying; if I kept crying I would get "something to cry about". And I learned not to cry. But worse than that my feelings were wrong and so I learned not to FEEL.
Then my life became a quest to avoid feeling at all and the pain started to get backed up… like a huge stinking rotting pile in the back yard that I just ignored as I continued to get sicker and sicker from avoiding it and from believing that the reason that I was struggling with depression and the past was because I couldn't "get over it" or "deal with it". Round and round it goes.
Being told to "just get over it" is devaluing. It implies that I am making a mistake in processing an event. It indicates that something is wrong with ME because I am in still confused about something that has not been resolved. The statement is emotionally abusive. And even when it is used in a positive context, as in the example in the first paragraph, there is a negative left over from all the abuse that was forced on me in the past.
WHY is it wrong to need to have something understood or resolved in the first place?
Furthermore, people who say stuff like this don't have any solutions; they don't ever offer suggestions on HOW to get over it or deal with it, because they don't know how either. They only offer devaluing and thoughtless instructions that remind me of my childhood and how I was never right, never good enough and never entitled to my feelings or to my pain. I was not entitled to realize that I had been wronged. I was always the one who was wrong no matter what the situation was.
And once again this all began in childhood. Being conditioned this way as a child prepared me to accept that something was wrong with me, so statements like this trigger the same feelings of "not good enough" and "what is wrong with me, why can't I just get it right?" Add that to "powerless and helpless child" and the teachings, feelings as well as the reactions have carried on into adulthood.
Until I learned that I do have rights, that I am as equally valuable as everyone else and that I AM ALLOWED to and NEED TO feel the pain of the past and get angry about it SO THAT I COULD "get over it" (which was how I did get over it) but until I embraced those truths, I was stuck in the sick dysfunctional system.
Please feel free to share your reactions.
Busting through the fog with another snap shot of truth;
Darlene Ouimet
The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing. Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing –
164 response to "The Problem with Statements like "Get Over It""
I have full-blown C-PTSD and all the features that accompany it including very poor sleep despite taking a prescription antipsychotic nightly. Hoping to find help, I joined a "secret group" that's being run on top of Facebook whose non-professional members purport to help people recover from this type of abuse (you might have run into them). Several of the members suggested that I could find the answers myself if I would consider pursuing some form of meditation, and if I were sincere about it I could recover that way. Others said I could only find help through God and reading the Bible. NOBODY suggested I should seek help by consulting a professional therapist (and specifically a trauma therapist like I am currently seeing)! Like your article says these are all equivalent to the message "just get over it", if I don't recover I'm either incompetent at meditation or I'm a failed Christian! And the truly shocking part to me is these people actually purport to be there for the purpose of helping me recover, ouch! If THESE folks are clueless then how much better can we expect of the general public, or even the social agencies who are supposed to be helping us recover from our mental health issues? I would like to offer the observation that the primary crisis that's in a worse epidemic than narcissistic abuse is the general incompetence in recognizing and dealing with it. And I want to sincerely thank Darlene for this wonderful site, I showed my therapist one of her blog entries the other day (the one about "grooming") as one of the very limited number of websites who absolutely "get it".
Just "get over it" was something I heard for years after my ex stopped taking his medication for bipolar. I was hurt more by "get over it" because it implies I had the problem instead of HIS medications refused. I was told that I cried to mask my behavior!!! I cried because I was hurt that 1) I could not fix him, 2) no amount of me begging him to take his medications for his diagnosed illness would change that he would probably do so again and 3) our kids has to witness it and simply accept that as "tolerated behavior!" So on top of the hurt, I was devastated by his blame and shame of me! What I realized after his blatant statement that he could not appreciate or respect anything I did for him, I decided to chose myself and the kids. Our mental health was more important than anything else. He even complained to one of his doctors who also told me "ok it's time to get over it" since it was a few years after the last medication miss. I was shocked once again for somehow being blamed again that it was MY fault! I stopped believing the lies and started to wake up to choosing myself!
I am a misanthrope. I can't stand people in general, and statements like "get over it" just makes me hate mankind even more. People are rude, arrogant, and selfish. Which is why I NEVER tell anyone about my problems. I deal with them on my own and I like it that way.
Of course, like most misanthropes, I do have friends, but am very selective about who I encounter. You do something shortly after that I don't approve of, then you are out of my life forever. And if you tell me to get over it, ADIOS. I don't know you anymore. You muttering that phrase just proves that you are what is wrong with the world. Simple as that.
Dad on my reaction to his mother-in-law's "loving and caring" response to my degree and future ambitions: "Get over it, you're so sensitive!"
Me: "Of course I am sensitive! I love this person and she will only hurt me!?" (Again?)
Dad: "You failed to see the "grandmotherly love" in her response when she said "Why would he even study at Uni if he is just going to end up working in a kitchen?"
I honestly don't even know why I decided to confine my problems to someone who has the same mindset as his barbaric monster-in-law, I obviously wasn't going to get any words that would help to uplift my spirit (*sigh*) Funny thing is though, if they are the ones who "got hurt" you're expected to play the role of the cheerleader as well as offer a shoulder to cry on. Pathetic.
I just heard the "get over it" type of statement last week. The funny thing is the woman said it to me because I confided that I had a rough counseling session dealing with a set a memories I have not shared with anyone before. I was being urged to get over it–right after I first admitted and looked at some horrible abuse.
I am convinced the hurry-up-and-stop-thinking-about-it people are trying to relieve their own discomfort. They don't like to feel their own feelings about the reality of abuse. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to imagine it. They don't want to suffer and they don't want you to suffer.
But, abuse does cause damage and it takes lots of time and patience to recover from the harm. Remembering the memories and finally feeling the feelings is the only path to freedom from dysfunctional coping behaviors we learned in abuse. It is essential to face and deal with the pain if we want to be our most healthy selves. Additionally, it is uncomfortable for society, but essential, that former victims tell the truth about the abuse and its pain–secrecy gives abusers way too much power.
When the person told me last week that she just got over it and seemed to be pushing me to hurry up and get over it, I reminded myself of several things:
1. My history has much more abuse in it than hers and I am younger than she is.
2. My healing is happening at the right pace. I have had lots to face and I am successfully doing it, one day at a time.
3. I have no intention of forever wallowing in abuse history. But I am determined to become as healthy as I can and to do so I must face the realities of my experience. My progress always follows facing, with courage and patience, the truth and the pain of past abuse.
4. It isn't my job to make other's more comfortable by denying my own life. It is my job to figure out how to live my life in a way that leads to me being my most loving and real self.
Even if they know that I don't have any intention of talking to her anymore, which they don't question. But coming from Christians who feel that everything is forgivable. I tell the, well if God forgives everything then why is there a Hell?
Another comment I can't stand after I shared my feelings is "You need to forgive" UGH


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The Summer's Worst Kept Secret (SECRET GARDEN PARTY) Cambridgeshire
With festival season upon us and a whole host of new and exciting names added to their already bulging line-up, here at Licklist we present to you the beginners guide to a festival like none other. With more bindis than a Bollywood set and more glitter than a Liberace gig, join us as we take a trip into the weird and wonderful world of Secret Garden Party.
This year's party will run between 24th-27th July at their now famous lakeside setting in Abbots Ripton and will see the return of the dazzling attractions that fans have grown to love. Loosely modelled on the US festival Burning Man, Secret Garden Party is not just a festival but also a pop up hedonistic paradise for you to forget about the real world for a while and lose yourself in a world of art, music, expression and all-round silliness. Populated by vivacious twenty-something-year olds ready to go further down the rabbit hole and explore the world of SGP, and old school hippies soaking up the atmosphere of the good old days, the festival's anti-commercial ethos is the glue that holds everything together.
This year's Wizard of Oz inspired theme, Goodbye yellow brick road, will no doubt add a special element to proceedings due to the value placed on fancy dress. Whereas many festivals often add a fancy dress theme as a side gimmick, at Secret Garden Party it's almost an unwritten law. The amazing effort put in by the 'gardeners' acts as the backdrop to each year's festival and is taken very seriously by all involved. With everything going on across the four days, it's quite easy, and forgivable, to forget that it is still a music festival. Putting the music on pause for a second, let's take a look at the strange and hilarious range of attractions that makes SGP so unique.
Looking for a flutter over the weekend? Then why not head down to one of the Pig races that take place over the course of the festival. Missing the football world cup? Secret Garden Party have it covered with their very own pig tossing world cup. For the spiritual lot, inquisitive about what the future holds, pop in to have you bum read by a hilariously named clairvoyant 'asstrolagist' (yes you did just read that sentence correctly). All the culture vultures will not be without their daily intake of knowledge, with renowned speakers such as lizard loving conspiracist David Icke appearing in tents across the site. With other events such as mud wrestling, a fiercely competitive dance off and punting across the idyllic lake plus many, many more also going on, there'll never be a dull moment.
With all the attractions, beautiful scenery and wonderful people across the festival, it's easy to forget the stellar lineup of bands and DJ's that are on show. Spread across a number of big and intimate stages and tents, the acts range from house rising stars Citizen and No Artificial colours to the foul mouthed satirist Beans on Toast and chart sensations Clean Bandit. For all the dance music heads, the focus will be on The Temple of Boom, The Drop and the beautiful Pagoda which last year saw the jaw dropping surprise b2b set featuring Skream, Eats Everything, Zed Bias and Disclosure. Expect secret pop up performances and exciting b2b's across the weekend with DJs given free roam over what they play, free from restrictions normally imposed on them at other festivals. Secret Garden Party is perhaps the only festival where you could go punting with 2manyDjs or compete in a space hopper race against Gorgon City. Artists and DJs feel at home here; they get involved with the festival as much as the fans do, which eliminates the divide often felt between a crowd and DJs and creates a bond across each stage.
Finally, we have to mention The Lake Stage. Only accessible by boat, the Lake Stage is a unique creation; a galleon under siege by the mythical sea creature the Kraken. A stage like no other, the Lake Stage encapsulates the freethinking spirit of Secret Garden party and is the focus of the climatic end of to the weekend. Taking place just before the main headliner on the final day, the ship is set on fire as fireworks light up the night sky and thousands of people join together in a mutual sense of amazement.
By Jack Evans


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I don't quite get why I'm having trouble with photos. Yesterday I did a post with three photos. I hit publish and all the photos disappeared along with a lot of the text. I'll have to work on that.
Meanwhile, yesterday, Katherine Jacob had an 8-1/2 pound ram lamb, large for a jacob. And today, Cordelia Coopworth had a 12 pound ram lamb, black, not all that huge for a coopworth, but not small either. So, it's underway. AND, it is still very warm out, way more warm than it should be, but at least they were shorn on Tuesday (and waited until afterwards to have lambs!) and they have the shed which stays reasonably cool, compared to out in the sun. They are tending to spend most of the middle of the day, when it's warm, in the shed, resting. There's a little breeze now and they've started to come out to pick up some hay to eat. At 7 or so, I'll shut them in for the night.


text:
'The Lying Game' Recap: Justin's Secret Is Revealed — Did You Guess It?
Justin 'Crazy Eyes' Miller finally came clean on the Jan. 16 episode of 'The Lying Game!' And his secret is as crazy as his eyes.
I didn't think it was possible, but somehow everyone's lives have gotten even more complicated now that Sutton (Alexandra Chando) is back in Phoenix, and I've got a feeling the mayhem she caused on the Jan. 16 episode of The Lying Game was merely a taste of what's to come. Not only is Emma's place in the Mercer family now jeopardized, but so is her relationship with Ethan (Blair Redford), as well as Sutton's relationship with Thayer (Christian Alexander.) Oh, and she has no idea who wrote that terrifying letter.
Sutton did, however, reveal that Annie Hobbs was the one who saved her from her car the night it sank into the lake. The details of that are sketchy at best, but at least we know her own mother didn't try to kill her. I guess that's a relief.
Laurel's (Allie Gonino) own brand of drama continued when she caught Justin (Randy Wayne) all up in another girl's business at Sutton's party, but the really surprising part was the shoulder Laurel ended up crying on. Rebecca (Charisma Carpenter) befriended her, and convinced her she'd feel a lot better if she put her musical talents to good use on stage — with Allie's real-life band The Good Mad, no less. It was a nice moment between Laurel and Rebecca, but I'm not totally sure Rebecca did it out of the goodness of her heart. I've got a feeling she's just trying to get close to Laurel as part of her master plan… now if only I had any idea what her endgame is.
Of course, Sutton wasn't the only shady character who returned to Phoenix this week. A smarmy British gentleman by the name of Ryan (Misha Crosby) came a-calling for Mads (Alice Greczyn), and he wouldn't take no for an answer. It seems the two have a complicated history, but now that he's been kicked out of his boarding school, Ryan is determined to get back into Mads' good graces… and maybe her pants. He was off to a good start this week, sneaking ballet tickets into a pizza and delivering it to her house, but while I'm glad Mads has a new guy in her life — I'm not holding my breath for Eduardo to come back — I can't help wonder what Ryan's got up his sleeve. After all, are any of the guys on this show exactly what they seem?
And what a perfect segue that is to the episode's biggest surprise of all: Justin's epic truth bomb! After Laurel finally told him off for treating her like crap, Justin revealed that he blames her dad for his mom's death. It turns out he was the doctor who allowed her to die during a routine appendix operation. So not only has he been carrying a grudge for her dad, but that's the whole reason he arranged to meet her in the first place!
Like everything in Justin's life, his relationship with Laurel has been one big lie.
So what did you think of tonight's mind-blower? Did you see Justin's big secret coming all along? Why did Rebecca go out of her way to befriend Laurel? And can Emma's relationship with Ethan survive Sutton's presence in Phoenix? Head to the comments section and let's start talking.


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Van der Merwe Biltong Ltd. (UK)
Van der Merwe Jokes Page
Please feel free to leave some Van der Merwe jokes on our blog. The best will be cut and pasted and published on our website. http://www.vandermerwebiltong.co.uk/
Happy Birthday, Boet!"Hello, is this the SAP?" (South African Police)
"e-yes. What you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Fanie van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (marijuana) inside his firewood."
"e-yes ... Thank you for your co-opershun and informashun in combatting crime and violence, in our society ser."
The next day, the SAP descended on Fanie's house. They search the braai lapa (BBQ area) where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga. They shout and swear at Fanie and leave.
"Hey, Fanie! Did the SAP come?"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Happy Birthday Boet!"
Committing suicideSchalk burst into Van's room to find Van standing on a chair with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam.
"Hey Van, what do you think you're doing?" said Schalk.
"I'm committing suicide," replied Van.
"Well you're going about it all wrong," said Schalk. "You're supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our waist."
"Man, but I tried that yesterday and I nearly choked|."
Van der Merwe was watching a rugby test against the British Lions at Loftus Versfeld stadium in Pretoria. In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat - next to Van der Merwe.
"Who does that seat belong to?" asked his neighbour.
"It's for my wife."
"But why isn't she here?"
"She died."
"So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your friends?"
"They've all gone to the funeral."
Van der Merwe goes to Paris to watch the Boks take on the Brits at the world cup.
Whilst in Paris, he walks around, gaping and staring at everything - so much so that he walks smack bang into a fire hydrant which hits him so hard on the family jewels that he has to be rushed to hospital where the doctors tell him they have to remove his testicles.
Van goes berserk, he bites and snarls at every one and he won't let anybody within 10 metres of him. Eventually they find a South African doctor in the hospital and get him to talk to Van.
He walks up to Van and tells him "Hey Van, die ouens moet jou knaters uithaal."
Van replies "O, okay, ek dog die bliksems wil my test tickets vat."
Black & White lessons from the British
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, September 1990, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady had found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a black man. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting sub-human. Find me another seat!" "Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class."
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said, "So if you'd like to get your things, Sir, I have your first class seat is ready for you."
At which point, the surrounding passengers (mostly white British) stood and gave a standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the plane!!!
A few years ago Wessels Van Der Merwe (a really well-known Afrikaans character in South Africa) decided to invite an old friend from England to visit his home for a few weeks during the summer. Seeing as it was the first time the Englishman was visiting Africa, Van Der Merwe planned to impress him by showing him around the countryside during a small trek in the bush. Of course, Wessels being who he was, the trek was planned into unfamiliar territory full of jungle plantation requiring lots of equipment and logistics, none of which he had the remotest idea.
So, the Englishman and Van Der Merwe set off into the buntu in high spirits, knapsack on their back and jerrycan filled with water in the direction of the thickest part of the jungle Wessels knew about. Pretty soon the going got tough, and then even tougher, and finally they both got so tired they had to settle down to rest for a while, Wessels completely out of breath but not willing to show it.
While drinking their water and talking shop about the price of bananas in Ireland, they both failed to notice a tribe of cannibals that had quietly surrounded them and were promptly captured, tied up and dragged back to a cannibal village nearby. The village chief, heavily bored with his everyday rituals of decapitating wild pigs and small rodents for fun, was slightly more bemused with the bewildered duo and immediately clapped his hands as a signal to prepare the evening feast. Van Der Merwe and the Englishman were promptly and unceremoniously undressed, buttered and stuck in a big cauldron together with a multitude of vegetables and spices. The fire under the cauldron was lit and the villagers began their traditional dances around the fire to thank their gods for the coming gift.
Wessels, starting to feel the heat and therefore starting to fear he would miss the rest of the summer braai's in the coming weeks, turned to the Englishman first and reassured him that all this was a normal greeting procedure in South Africa. Then he turned to the village chief and started to recount how he had been sick as a child and that his flesh would taste, let alone the diseases that the Englishman might have brought with him from over the big lake...
After a period of reflection, the village chief decided to postpone the feast, on condition that Van Der Merwe and the Englishman return to the jungle accompanied by his men to find anything else that the chief hadn't tasted before.
Overjoyed, Van Der Merwe and his buddies set out into the thickett at a trot in the opposite direction to the Englishman. Not far out of the village, the trail opened out into a shadowy clearing, just big enough to hold some of the BIGGEST watermelons Van Der Merwe had EVER seen! They were at least twice the size of normal watermelons and were soft to the touch, indicating they were ripe and juicy to eat. Van Der Merwe picked up three of the biggest ones he could carry and started back to the village accompanied by his spear-carrying mates.
Upon entering the village and staggering to the village chief, Van Der Merwe gently laid down his trophies at the chief's feet and smiled a winner's smile... which quickly removed itself when he saw the chief's disgruntled face. Waving his hand in a pooh-pooh gesture the chief passively mentioned he had eaten those watermelons two days before.
Stunned, Van Der Merwe turned to the boiling pot, back to the chief, back to the pot...
Suddenly, the chief smiled and said that Wessels would be spared if... and only if... he could shove each and every watermelon up his ass without laughing. Van Der Merwe, stunned even more, gulped as he saw the size of the watermelons and started unconsciously rubbing his backside with uncomfortable firmness. But the alternative was clear.
Van Der Merwe picked up the first watermelon and heftily lobbed it from one hand to the other, testing its weight. He gulped again and pleadingly looked over to the chief. No response except a raised eyebrow.
Grunting and groaning, Van Der Merwe started to push the watermelon slowly but surely up his ass, keeping as straight a face as he could. The chief's face slowly began to change from a dark frown to a bemused grin as he watched the spectacle unfold before him, and some of the villagers surrounding them were already starting to laugh in unison.
After an hour, the first watermelon was snugly in place and Van Der Merwe slowly turned to reach for the next watermelon, the beads of perspiration appearing in droplets on his face. Not a smile or a smirk had been seen on Van Der Merwe's face and the spectacle continued. Firmly grasping the second watermelon, he bent over and positioned it before heaving a big breath...
By now the chief was laughing openly with the other villagers and couldn't keep a straight face every time he saw poor Van Der Merwe struggling with his trophies. Even if the white man were to complete the impossible task, the dinner that would follow would be the best he had ever tasted, dessert included in the main course! Watching Van Der Merwe roll about the village center in sheer agony, it was too much to hold back the hoots and bellows and by the time the second watermelon had found its mark, the chief had fallen off his throne with uncontrollable gut convulsions.
Van Der Merwe, his eyes swollen with tears and the rest just swollen, regarded the third watermelon with absolute horror and turned to the practically incapacitated chief for a last chance at getting off the hook.
Looking past the chief's shoulder, he suddenly stopped, gazed with amazement and suddenly threw a fit of laughter that shook his whole body! The mirthful shrieks of Van Der Merwe caught the chief by surprise, causing him to stare in disbelief at this white man who had performed a miracle, and asked Van Der Merwe why on Earth he had started to laugh just at the moment when he might have been released?
Van Der Merwe, drying the tears from his face and between body shakes pointing behind the chief, said:
"Look, there's that stupid Englishman returning from the jungle with a load of prickly pears in his hands!"
A prickly pear is the fruit of a cactus!
Reminds me of the time Van Der Merwe went to Durban for a holiday for
the first time in his life. As he was packing the vrou and the braai
into the Nissan bakkie, Van tonder, his ever caring neighbour said to
him 'Toe nou Van, jus pasop for those blerry Koelies. Man, they'll
rip you off blind and mos take the gold out of your teeth while you'se
talking to them nogal.
So ou Van says 'No, moenie worry nie man. I'm a man of the world and
nobody's gonna chaff me kak.
Anyway, ou Van and Tannie Van boek into the beach hotel and they only
have a lekker few days, before Van is taking a walk down Addington
Beach on the last day.
Now check, there's ou Bobbie Naidoo and he's mos gooieing the stick
into the sea for his dog (being that it's the Indian Ocean and all).
Now for all his being a man of the world who has been to Bloemfontein,
Windhoek (Okay so he took a wrong turn, but he blerry went all the
way) and Naboomspruit nogal, but Van's only bedonnerd when he sees
the dog run along the top of the waves and back with the stick.
So Van says to Naidoo, 'Ek se, my good Curry Muncher, how much for the
So ou Bobbie, quick as a flash says 'Hundred Rand Boss'.
No hesitation, struse Bob, ou Van gives him the hundred and takes the
dog home with him.
Anyway, it's sundowners back at home and ou Van Der Merwe and Van
Tonder is sitting on the stoep at Tweebuffelsmosdoodmeteenskootgeskietsfontein (A/K/A Die Plaas) and the dog is sitting on the floor next to Van and Van says to Van Tonder 'He
Boet, kyk vir die' and he sommer goois the dam with a stick so it
lands in the middle. And the dog just takes off over the top of the
water and brings the stick back the same way.
Man, ou Van tonder just looks at his dop and says 'You bought that
brak off a koelie, ne?'
And Van says, 'Ja. So?'
'I told you you'd get ripped off. It can't blerry swim'
the first time in his life. As he was packing the vrou and the braai
into the Nissan bakkie, Van tonder, his ever caring neighbour said to
him 'Toe nou Van, jus pasop for those blerry Koelies. Man, they'll
rip you off blind and mos take the gold out of your teeth while you'se
talking to them nogal.
So ou Van says 'No, moenie worry nie man. I'm a man of the world and
nobody's gonna chaff me kak.
Anyway, ou Van and Tannie Van boek into the beach hotel and they only
have a lekker few days, before Van is taking a walk down Addington
Beach on the last day.
Now check, there's ou Bobbie Naidoo and he's mos gooieing the stick
into the sea for his dog (being that it's the Indian Ocean and all).
Now for all his being a man of the world who has been to Bloemfontein,
Windhoek (Okay so he took a wrong turn, but he blerry went all the
way) and Naboomspruit nogal, but Van's only bedonnerd when he sees
the dog run along the top of the waves and back with the stick.
So Van says to Naidoo, 'Ek se, my good Curry Muncher, how much for the
So ou Bobbie, quick as a flash says 'Hundred Rand Boss'.
No hesitation, struse Bob, ou Van gives him the hundred and takes the
dog home with him.
Anyway, it's sundowners back at home and ou Van Der Merwe and Van
Tonder is sitting on the stoep at Tweebuffelsmosdoodmeteenskootgeskietsfontein (A/K/A Die Plaas) and the dog is sitting on the floor next to Van and Van says to Van Tonder 'He
Boet, kyk vir die' and he sommer goois the dam with a stick so it
lands in the middle. And the dog just takes off over the top of the
water and brings the stick back the same way.
Man, ou Van tonder just looks at his dop and says 'You bought that
brak off a koelie, ne?'
And Van says, 'Ja. So?'
'I told you you'd get ripped off. It can't blerry swim'
So van der Merwe goes to the railway station, and at the ticket office asks: "A return ticket please."
Ticket man: "Where to please?"
Van: "Back here, of course, man!"
So Van is in a bar in London with a Frenchman and an Italian. They are boasting of their sexual prowess.
The Frenchman says "When I pleasure my mistress, I tickle her nipples with a feather, and she floats an inch above the bed in bliss".
The Italian, not to be outdone, says "When I make love to my girlfriend, I lick amaretto liqueur from her navel. She floats a foot above the bed in delight".
Van say "Ya, well, er... When I screw my wife, I wipe my dick on the curtains afterwards. Let me tell you, she hits the fuckin' roof!"
So now van der Merwe is working at the zoo. He especially enjoys cleaning out the elephant's enclosure, since the zoo's sole elephant is an intelligent and obedient animal called "Nuts". All he has to do is say "come over here, Nuts", or "sit down, Nuts" and the elephant will do what it is told.
One day he comes into the managers office, dripping wet, flings down his broom and shouts "I've had all I can take! I quit!".
"What's wrong, Van?" Asks the manager.
"I can't take the guy selling peanuts any more. Every day when I'm in with the Elephant he's yelling "Peanuts! Peanuts!"
Tourguide Koos Van der MerweOld Koos was a courier for a leading tour bus operator. Being a "verligte" he took the opportunity of telling a multiracial group of tourists about to set off for the Garden Route that race was of no consequence to him.
"I am not worried about black or white," he said. "As far as I am concerned you could all be green!"
"Now, all aboard!! Dark green to the back, light green to the front!"
REVISED SOUTH AFRICAN DICTIONARY* AG This is one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the "ach" in the German "achtung" it can be used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as in "Ag, I don't know." Or a sense of resignation "Ag, I'll have some more
mieliepap then." It can stand alone too as a signal of irritation or of pleasure.
* DONNER A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder).Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up." Your rugby team can get donnered in a game, or your boss can donner you if you do a lousy job.
* EINA Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans means "ouch." Pronounced "aynah", you can shout it out in sympathy when someone burns his finger on a hot mealie at a braai.
* HEY Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasise the importance of what has just been said, as in "Jislaaik boet, you're only going to get a lekker klap if you can't find your takkies now, hey ?" It can also stand alone as a question. Instead of saying,
"excuse me?" or "pardon?" when you have not heard something directed at you, you can say "Hey?"
* ISIT? This is a great word in conversations. Derived from the two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if someone tells you at the braai "The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private owner-ship." It is quite appropriate to respond by saying, "Isit?" *
*JAWELNOFINE This is another conversation fallback word. Derived from the four words "yes", "well", "no" and "fine", it means roughly "how about that?" If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can say with confidence "Jawelnofine."
* JISLAAIK Pronounced "Yis-like", it is an expression of astonishment. For instance, if someone tells you there are a billion people in China, a suitable comment is "Jislaaik, that's a hang of a lot of people, hey?" *
*KLAP Pronounced "klup" - an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank. If you spend too much time at the movies at exam time, you could end up catching a sharp klap from your pa. In America, that is called child abuse. In South Africa, it is called
promoting education.
* LEKKER An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you see someone of the opposite sex who is good-looking, You can exclaim "Lekkerrr!" while drawing out the last syllable.
* TACKIES These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe automobile or truck tyres. "Fat tackies" are big tyres, as in "Where did you get those lekker fat tackies on your Volksie, hey?"
* DOP This word has two basic meanings, one good and one bad. First, the good. A dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner, a noggin. If you are invited over for a dop be careful. It could be one or two sedate drinks or a blast, depending on the company you have fallen in with. Now the bad. To dop is to fail. If you dopped Standard Two (Grade 4) more than once, you probably won't be reading this.
* SARMIE This is a sandwich. For generations, school children have traded sarmies during lunch breaks. If you are sending kids off to school in the morning, don't give them liver-polony sarmies. They are the toughest to trade.
* HOWZIT This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this word throughout the land. It is often used with the word "no" as in this exchange "No, howzit?". "No, fine.", "No, isit?".
* WHAT'S POTTING Local vernacular for " Whats happening " or " What's up" . This term has no gardening connotation whatsoever.
* BIOSCOPE A local word now losing a little fashion meaning movie theatre, cinema, flicks or pictures, depending on which part of the world you come from.
* JUST NOW Contrary to it's apparent meaning, ' just now ' can mean anytime from now right through to the next millennium.Asked to do a job you don't particularly like, you would reply "Ja, I'll do it just now"
* NOW NOW In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase "Now, now, don't cry - I'll take you to the bioscope tomorrow." But in South Africa, this phrase means a little sooner than soon. "I'll clean my room now now Ma.", knowing that you
will receive a well deserved ' klap if you don't do it at once. It is a little more urgent than "just now".
* BOET This is an Afrikaans word meaning "brother" which is shared by all language groups. Pronounced "boot" as in "foot", it can be applied to non-brother. For instance a father can call his son "boet" and friends can apply the term to each other too.
Sometimes the diminutive "boetie " is used. Don't use the term with someone you hardly know - it would be thought patronising.
*PASOP From the Afrikaans phrase meaning "Watch out!" This warning is used and heeded by all language groups. As in "Your ma hasn't had her morning coffee yet Boet so pasop and stay out of her way." Sometimes just the word, "pasop!" is enough without further explanation. Everyone knows it sets out a line in the sand not to be crossed.
* VROT Pronounced "frot". A wonderful word which means "rotten" or "putrid" in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really don't like. Most commonly it describes fruit and vegetables whose shelf-lives have long expired, but a pair of tackies (sneakers) worn a few times too often can be termed "vrot" by unfortunate folk in the same room as the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important tackles can be said to have played a vrot game-but not to his face because he won't appreciate it. We once saw a movie review with this headline
"Slick Flick, Vrot Plot."
* JA-NEE Afrikaans for "Yes/No" in English. This expression's origin is believed to have originated when a family member starts talking politics what else do we talk about in South Africa?) and you don't want to cause a political argument and get klapped or donnered, then every now and then you mutter, "Ja-Nee." (pronounced yah - near).
* GRAZE In a country with a strong agricultural tradition, it is not surprising that farming words crop up (pun intended) in general conversation. Thus to graze means to eat. If you are invited to a bioscope show, you may be asked "Do you want to catch a graze
now now.
* CATCH A TAN This is what you do when you lie on the beach pretending to study for your matric exams. The Brits, who have their own odd phrases, say they are getting "bronzed". Nature has always been unkind to South African school children, providing beach and swimming pool weather just when they should be swotting for the mid-summer finals. If you spend too much time "catching a tan" at exam time, you could end up catching sharp "klap" from your pa.
* ROCK UP To rock up at some place is to just sort of arrive. You don't make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming - you just rock up. Friends can do that, but you have to be selective about it. You can't just rock up for an interview or at a five star
restaurant. You give them a bell first, then you can rock up.
* BELL South African vernacular for telephone call as in " Ja Boet, I'll give you a bell just now " which means phoning anytime from now to eternity.
* SCALE To scale something is to steal it, A person who is "scaly" is not nice, he's a scumbag and should be left off the Christmas party invitation list
Van der Merwe is invited to have lunch with the Queen. While sitting at her table he says to her:
"Jis you know Queen you have got such a nice house, and you know Queen your clothes are so nice and you know Queen your food is bakgat!"
The Queen gets pissed off with this Queen bit and says to Van. "Mr Van der Merwe, you should not be calling me Queen this and Queen that the correct title is "Your highness".
Van says, " ..jis that is unbelievable, my brother's name is also Johannes and he is also a queen!"
There was a German, an Italian and Van der Merwe on death row.The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap! He was dead.
Then it was Van der Merwe turn , and he said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and Van der Merwe fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy
Then Van der Merwe said, "Give me another one of those shots,"so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?"
Van der Merwe replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom."
A boer went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," he
told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to boere," the salesman replied. He hurried home, took
a shower, changed his clothes and combed his hair, then came back and again told the
salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to boere," the salesman replied.
"Bliksem, he recognized me," he thought. So he went for a complete disguise this time,
haircut and new color, shaved off the baard, suit and tie, fake glasses, then waited a few days
before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." Sorry, we don't sell
to boere," the salesman replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "Jislaaik, man! How do you know
I'm a boer?" "Because that's a microwave," the salesman replied.
Van der Merwe went to Australia on vacation. One day he was sitting in one of the Outback
pubs in the North-West of WA drinking Emu Export. As he finished his third, Crocodile
Dundee came and sat next to him at the bar. Being a skeptical person by nature, Van stared at
this guy from head to toe, and at the toe his eyes got stuck. He looked up at Dundee and said:
"Hey, lekker boots my bra. What kind is these, huh??" Croc Dundee: "Hey mate, they're croc
boots" Van: "They don't look broken to me man!" Croc Dundee: "They're crocodile boots,
drongo!" Van: "Oh! Where can I get some?" Croc Dundee: "You just go down to the river and
get yourself a crocodile, mate, and then you got some boots!" Van thought this was a great
idea so he finished his beer and strolled down to the river. Without hesitation he walked into
the river about waist height and started hitting the water with the flat of his hand. Meanwhile,
back at the pub the guys were all standing at the verandah watching this spectacle. About 5
minutes passed when a crocodile floating nearby responded to Van's racket. As he
approached, Van turned around and leaped at the crocodile, literally attacking him. The others
on the porch couldn't believe what they were seeing. An hour had passed when Van finally
grabbed the crocodile in a typical "boere" death grip and dragged him out onto the riverbank.
Before letting go, Van gave the poor croc another couple of punches on the nose. The croc
was out like a candle. Van was soaked in blood, more of the croc's than his own, but nonethe-
less, he was still hurt badly. Van laid the croc down and with an enormous effort he
managed to roll the croc over. He stared down at the croc for what seemed to be ages, before
finally looking up at the very surprised crowd on the porch, and said: "Just my luck, a
crocodile without boots!"
In a small Afrikaner town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business.
The local NG church started a campaign with petitions and prayers to block the
bar from opening.
Work progressed, however, right up till the week before opening, when a lightning
strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner
sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the
demise of his building, through either direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's
demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork.
At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it
appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.


text:
It was a bewildering 38 years ago that I sat in Tottenham Court Road Odeon cinema and saw the very first Star Wars. It was 1977 and I was a mere 7 years of age. My London-dwelling Granny had offered to pay for us all to go, all 6 of us. "Shockingly noisy!" she bemoaned loudly in her cut-glass accent as we left. My mum still laughs about that. I don't remember what I thought except that it was the biggest cinema I'd been to up until then.
And so today, we took our youngest 9 year old son to see the much anticipated latest Star Wars film. My eldest daughter, with sensibilities like mine, wisely chose to wait to watch it when it comes out on DVD in case it was scary – its easier to block it out when its less all pervading. I may have found it ok aged 7, but cinema stereo systems are far louder these days and screens far bigger. All the better in my son's estimation, for whom no film seems to hold anything scary but "AWESOME!"
I decided to join husband and son on this Boxing Day excursion largely out of sheer curiosity as to what all the hype was about. I'm not an action/sci-fi/battle scene film type in the slightest but I'd read that it was as good if not better than those first 3 films. Not having watched that first film again since that first showing a whole shocking 38 years ago (!!!), I went wondering if I'd remember any of the story line. My husband lamented to my son in the car on the way that "She'll be hissing at me all the way through asking "Who's that?"!!! Hrumph. I resolved NOT to do that. But then my son exclaimed "Yes, and she'll be like a clutch bag – clutching on to you or me in terror throughout!!" The cheek! But I know he's right….
And what a blast it was. It superseded anything I'd expected on several fronts.
First, it was a total treat to watch a film where characters I'd not seen for 30 years re-appeared as their 30 year older selves. I felt like clapping when Hans Solo & Chewbacca, C-3P0 or R2-D2 appeared, it was like seeing old friends! Being in a British cinema as I was, that was so not going to happen; I'd need to watch it in the States for that 😉 Harrison Ford as Hans Solo was by far the star of the show for me, his sardonic yet loveable wit made all the more enjoyable by the fact that I've lived life a little like him too and so could appreciate the joke. The mature Princess Leia all grown up, wise and crow-lined was actually a comfort – she was older yes, but she was comfortable with herself, even with her roguish old flame Hans who'd clearly run a few circles round her in her time, and with others who she didn't appear to dominate but lead with authority. She was clearly kind too. No Thatcher her.
Second, I'd forgotten how funny it was. No full-on sci-fi, action films these days have anything like the humour that Star Wars has (correct me if I'm wrong). Most of it probably goes over young heads although my son was chuckling a plenty throughout, but to the older ones of us lines like "Women will always sniff out the truth. Always" spoken knowingly by Hans Solo will no doubt create light-hearted chuckles and glances exchanged between partners as it did us.
Third, and this took me by surprise, at last, at last, we had a heroine in Rey who was strong but who did NOT run the men down around her or beat them up (ok, she killed more than her fair share but they were the baddies and it didn't have a feeling of 'girl kicks boy's ass' type of thing; it was the baddies ass that was the point. I have become increasingly disappointed at the litany of films in the past decade that have given kids the message that not only are women are more powerful than men but that the men are weak and lily-livered. In short, they are characters who don't deserve a woman's respect. Think Tangled, Brave, Mirror Mirror, Friends (ok, we're going back a bit further there) even the modern Charlie's Angels in which the Angels are far more violent than the sixties version. None of the women in these films are women who I'd consider good role models for my daughter. Yes, they stand up to patrimony, sexism and unspoken assumptions about what women can and can't do. Great. But they do it at the expense of the men. Not so Princess Leia or Rey. They are what I call true feminists. We'll never have a strong, balanced society if the women are raised up at the expense of men who will, in time, feel even more disenfranchised and emasculated than they do already. This is not sustainable nor right in my view.
And it wasn't just modern gender stereotypes that were challenged. Men and women of all races and types were represented in this film. The scene where the Resistance were gathered around the planning 'table' had men and, ok only one woman, from various cultures and creatures ;-). You got the sense that they were all making decisions together, each one pitching in the knowledge and skill they had. The fact that the two new lead roles were given to relative newcomers, one a black British male, the other a British female (who had strong overtones of Keira Kneightley with a dose of Lily James thrown in) backed up the sense that the way this film was made was deliberately less baying to the usual Hollywood model, at least in substance if not style.
I'd read somewhere on social media this week that the director had deliberately given women a greater role, a greater presence, and it showed.
Lastly, I enjoyed the way the villain was not 'black and white' bad. He was clearly torn by an inner humanity, an innate goodness, that warred against his soul and caused him to self-flagellate in tormentedness. This was a man who'd been trained in dark villainy from a tender age but who had the power to make a choice for good or evil. I was genuinely cripped (and cripping my poor husband) at one particularly scene, not knowing which way he'd chose.
In case you think I'm over sentimentalising or reading too much into it, let me tell you that it was simply pure fun to watch, holding all the core ingredients of cinematic brilliance – big bold panoramas, improbable fight scenes, good winning over evil, treachery and love, comedy and likeable characters.
Go for the sheer fun of it!
All photos are taken from the official Star Wars: the Force Awakens online gallery except the one of Princess Leia which is taken from Movieweb.com


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I'm with my children all day, schooling them, holding them, nursing them, swinging them, feeding them, and doing anything and everything else that they need or want me to do if it's at all possible. Their needs at this juncture in their life are rather immediate and more often than not in their minds urgent. After all three of my four children are quite little, and the fourth is at home being homeschooled by me. The breaks are not often and at the end of the day I'm usually spent and find myself wanting to sit on the couch and do, well nothing. I know that this is but a season and even as I write that I find myself a little sad - despite the fact that I'm so exhausted most days.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about one of my children and my words suddenly hung in the air and I stopped as if I could see them clearly for the first time. Of late one of my children has been testing me and often times if I'm honest agitating me. There is this feeling of going into battle on a daily basis. I didn't think that I was speaking ill of this child, but with each conversation that I've had regarding my child the words have come out a little stronger, a little bolder. Without even noticing the transition I had started to complain and speak negatively.
Not ok.
I love all my children equally. Certainly there are times when one child is easier for me to deal with than another. People are different and certain personalities jive more than others. Working on a relationship doesn't always leave me with lovey feelings. Sometimes I'm downright frustrated and feel like I just want to throw my hands in the air. I know deep down though that there is something of value in all of this. There is something at work here in my home with these kids.
In my house there are many different personality traits to contend with every day. I have a snuggler, a rule follower, a bowling ball, a smiler, a pouter, a creator, a wild one, a singer, a dancer, a mess maker, a tidy organized one, a fighter, a laugher, a goof off, a show off, and a sensitive one. These descriptions barely scratch the surface.
I want to make sure that my children always feel accepted and loved no matter what. I don't want them to overhear me speaking of them in a way that could ever be interpreted as negative or demeaning. I don't want them to ever think they were the "hard" child or that another child was easier. After all, isn't it true that when things are hard pushing through to the end result is worth it. It's like a work out! You push through that squat and eventually you have awesome quads. Eventually if I push through these tough things with my kids, they'll be like awesome quads... Um...
All this to say that there has been some conviction here in my heart. I love all these small people that have come into my home - personalities puncturing my life with so much fun and love. I am blessed. I am thankful. The realization that I'm dealing with certain struggles that will not always be here because these children will learn, grow, and someday be gone from my house is not lost on me.
And so, even though there are daily battles that sometimes bring me to my knees and strong little minds and tempers with which to deal with I am going to choose to see the positive. After all, those little quirks, those traits that can be wrongly labeled as negative are almost always the positive traits as well. Being sensitive, stubborn, or verbal, can lead to someone who has compassion for others, someone who pushes through to the end result, a person who can make their voice heard.
Maybe instead of trying to stifle certain qualities we can encourage them to be directed properly.
Here is to awesome quads... ahem kids.


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Accountancy & Finance Division
Our Accountancy & Finance division specialises in the recruitment of accounting professionals of all levels, from part qualified accountants right up to CFOs. Our accountancy team consists of experienced consultants who provide a professional, friendly and extremely efficient service. We assist both our clients and candidates through the whole recruitment process and work hard to get the correct result for all parties involved. Our knowledge and experience of accountancy based roles sets us apart from our competition as we offer a superior service end to end.
Our clients come from a variety of industries and sectors and we proudly partner with some of the top accountancy firms in Dublin and nationwide. We have vast experience in placing candidates in roles including Audit, Audit Manager, Internal Audit, Financial Reporting , Tax Jobs, Consultancy and Big 4 Accountant Jobs.
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it cuts me in every could-have -been
Saturday, November 6, 2010
im new to blogging, this actually happens to be my 1st blog ever and not even sure if people will waste time reading any of my blogs. inspite of my negativity and lack of confidence, im doing it anyway. i consider myself "disturbed" not in a very deep shit though. I'm a Medical Technology graduate and what i went thru during college wasnt easy, maybe most of us did. We basically took up subjects, medicine students take. And yes, that was my dream, to be a doctor. 1st what could have been in my life ( what if i continued medicine), funny dumb question huh? That probably is one of my frustrations. I have wasted a lot of time being a BUM and now i cant turn back time, i wish i could! Now im a stuck up bum, infront of the laptop all day. Im thinking of what could be my calling in life. Im not a risk taker, so that makes me a coward. I want do to something important before i run out of time. But i cant think of any. Im not embarrassed to say that, I NEED HELP.. When im alone, doing nothing, i think of crazy stuffs, stupid things that will hurt me and eventually my family and friends. All i want now is to have a plan, to know where im going to. I dont even see a fork on the road for me, just a never ending pavement, blank.. As i go to sleep tonight , ill be praying again to God, to help me find my way. Because im a lost soul.
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CErgOSH has three core staff and a number of associated staff actively engaged in teaching and research. The Centre's research programme and capacity is supported by a number of post-graduate students. CErgOSH's staff and students collaborate with a wide range of specialist national and international associates in ergonomics and OSH in relation to research, consulting and teaching.
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The SBDC hosted by Missouri State University-West Plains offers a variety of business training seminars in South Central Missouri. You can check out upcoming events by visiting our Facebook page SBDC in West Plains. (https://www.facebook.com/wpsbdc/)
For a full list of Missouri SBDC training seminars statewide, please visit the Missouri Business Development Program's events calendar.
For a full list of small business training seminars nationwide, please visit the SBA events calendar.
We are currently compiling our Training Calendar for 2019. Below is listed a variety of Training Events we are considering offering.
Access to Capital Forum
Hear from a variety of speakers about financing options, programs and solutions available to small businesses. Meet one-on-one with representatives to address your specific needs.
Topics Include:
- Bootstrapping
- Crowdfunding
- Micro-loans and Revolving Loan Funds
- Mezzanine and Equity Finance
- Angel Investing
- Tax Incentives
- Bank Financing
- SBA Loans
- Export Finance
Agribusiness Marketing Forum
Celebrate National Agricultural Day and join us for the Agribusiness Marketing Forum! Hear from a variety of speakers about domestic and international agricultural marketing programs available to Missouri businesses. Learn about educational programs offered locally to farmers. Hear from local farmer cooperatives about regional initiatives and meet one-on-one with representatives to address your specific needs.
Building the Ultimate Business Plan®
Preparation is key to the success of any business venture. Whether you are starting a new business, growing an established business, or launching a new product or service, a solid business plan will prevent unexpected problems and help pave the way for a successful business venture.
Learn how to utilize the Ultimate Business Planner® software and companion workbook to aid you in the process of developing a solid business plan. This seminar provides an overview of the step-by-step approach to writing your plan and forecasting your financials. With the help of this courses instruction and software, simplify the process of putting together your formal business plan with expert advice, tips and hints based on proven business practices.
Topics Include:
- Critical steps to a great business plan
- How to research the feasibility
- Sources for evaluating the industry, market and competition
- Assembling a marketing plan/niche
- How to develop basic financial projections for financing
- Successful writing techniques that appeal to lenders/investors
- Using the plan to manage your business
The Ultimate Business Plan software and companion workbook may be purchased alone for $99 + $7.09 tax (the MSU tax rate is 7.162) for a total of $106.09
Craft Entrepreneurship
Learn How to Create an Online Shop for your Craft Products!
Do you already make custom jewelry, decorative home items, or other handmade products for sale or gift giving? If so, this course will teach you how to start an online shop for your unique line of handcrafted items.
In partnership with Etsy, a leader in e-commerce for creative entrepreneurs, SBDC is offering free classes to help craft makers like you establish an online business to sell your products to a wider market and earn extra income.
Craft Entrepreneurship classes are taught by successful online craft sellers who coach and support participants through every aspect of setting up their online shops. Using Etsy as a learning lab, teachers share best practices on topics that impact new sellers most, including time management, branding, pricing, shipping, and photography, to help them earn supplemental income through their craft business. To minimize startup costs, students will be given the opportunity to list 20 items for sale for free on Etsy.com.
Financial Management Series
Part I - Understanding Your Financial Statements
Business owners, manager, accountants, bankers, and consultants need to know how to turn financial statements into useful management tools. After attending the financial management series, you will be able to make better decisions based on good financial information.
Topics Include:
- Financial Management Cycle
- Accrual vs. Cash Accounting
- How to Document Past Performance
- Case Study Introduction
- Income Statements
- Net Income Formula
- Percentage Size Statements
- Balance Sheets
- Ration Analysis
Part II - Analyzing & Managing Your Cash Flow
In this second class of the financial management series, we'll take a close look at where cash comes from in a small business, where it's used in day-to-day operations and how to identify and correct cash flow problems. You'll be able to identify key information on cash flow statements and be able to follow the path of cash as it travels through your company. You'll identify cash flow strategies to use in your organization. You'll become familiar with the sources and use of cash, ratios and the most common "gobblers" of cash in any business. This isn't theory - its practical application for real businesses - like yours!
Topics Include:
- Description of the cash flow statement
- Three types of cash flows
- Creating a cash flow statement
- Sources and use of cash
- Identifying problems with cash flow
- Interpreting and controlling cash flow
- Understanding the differences between profit and cash
- Tips for improving cash flow
Part III - Predicting Your Company's Cash Needs
Complete your financial education with this third course in our seminar series. This class is designed to teach you how to create and use a cash budget to prepare for future business performance. During this course, you will learn to estimate future sources and uses of cash. You will also learn how to analyze your predictions to make more informed decision. You should leave this session feeling more comfortable about decisions related to preparing for growth, realistic loan and financing requests, how much cash you can safely take out of the business, and how to make affordable purchases for your business. At its conclusion, you should be able to: forecast sales, receivables and expenses, use a cash budget to create a month-by-month view and calculate Break-Even, as it relates to business expansion, workforce additions or capital expenditures.
Topics Include:
- What is cash planning
- Preparing the cash budget
- Forecasting cash in
- Estimating cash out
- Making informed decisions
- Dealing with cash budgeting problems
- Break-even analysis
First Steps to Starting a Small Business
Learn the fundamentals of what it takes to get your business started. Topics for discussion include determining the feasibility of your business, the importance of business planning, understanding financial and licensing requirements and more.
This three-hour workshop also includes an overview of the SBDC program and what to expect if you become a SBDC client. Seminars will be hosted throughout the seven-county service area in Ava, Eminence, Gainesville, Houston, Mountain Grove, Mountain View, Thayer, Willow Springs and West Plains.
Get Your Business Online (GYOB) - Video Training Series
Get Your Business On-line (GYBO) and increase your sales and marketing with free Google tools. Upon registration, you will receive an email message with instructions on how to access training materials (including video links, presentation slides, a how-to-guide for getting started, and a GYBO t-shirt).
Get Found on Google Search and Maps
This presentation starts with an introduction to Google My Business, a free tool to manage your business information across Google.
Build Your Free Website
In partnership with StartLogic, the Google team will walk you through setting up an account (free for one year*), customizing a website, and choosing a domain name. The workshop covers selecting a design, customizing web pages, and choosing a domain name (your website address).
*After the first year, the hosting fee is $5.99 per month. Domain renewal pricing varies depending on the extension.
Grow Your Business Online
Learn the basics of how customers find your business online and how to promote your online presence with methods like search engine optimization (SEO) and online advertising. We also introduce tools to help you run your business online, including Google Analytics and Google Apps for Work.
Ad Words - Promote Your Business Using Online Advertising
Want to promote your business on Google? This workshop introduces the basics of advertising on Google, including free tools that can help make the most of your advertising dollars.
Apps Work Better Together with Google Apps
How can the cloud help your small business grow online? This workshop introduces Google Apps for Work, a cloud-based suite of tools used by millions of businesses large and small. We explain how Google Apps adds polish to your online presence with a professional email address, and makes your (work) life simpler with documents and calendars you can access anywhere, from any device.
Set Goals with Google Analytics
What do visitors do on your website? This workshops shows you how to understand and measure customer behavior on your site. We show you how to set up measurement goals and use the data to make better business decisions and grow your business online.
Help Wanted: Hiring Your First Employee
Learn the fundamentals of what it takes to hire your first employee. Topics for discussion include hiring, taxes, payroll, legal compliance, recordkeeping and more. This workshop is designed to help you navigate the legal ramifications of the hiring process and lay out the steps and precautions you should follow to ensure you make informed decisions while staying within legal and ethical boundaries.
Hobbyist Turned Entrepreneur: Marketing Strategies for Selling Online
Join us for an educational seminar on online marketing and social media. Learn how to expand your market reach. Topics include selling through web-based platforms, social media and engagement marketing.
Introduction to International Trade Series
Part I - General Overview
Learn the fundamentals of exporting your products or services abroad. This workshop will provide new-to-export and new-to-market clients with information on how to get started in international trade. Export basics will be provided as we walk through the four export development stages and are introduced to trade assistance resources on the federal, state and local level.
Part II - Getting Paid
Any sale is a gift until you have been paid! Learn the fundamentals of getting paid for your exports. This workshop will provide new-to-export and new-to-market clients with an overview of payment methods and associated risk when selling abroad. Information on export finance programs, including loan guarantees and working capital, will be provided as we discuss pre-export and post-export finance options.
Part III - Export Management & Compliance
Exporting is a privilege, not a right! Learn the fundamentals of U.S. export controls. This workshop will provide new-to-export and new-to-market clients with an introduction to the Export Administration Regulations. Learn about the Commerce Control List, Dual-Use products and technology, Deemed Exports, and Anti-Boycott compliance. Information on U.S. federal agencies and their respective jurisdictions will be provided along with decision tree tools and management resources.
Market You: Develop Your Professional Profile
Learn how to develop your professional profile! This workshop is geared towards entrepreneurs, students and job hunters that are in need of a professional image. Topics include how to create an online public profile that is professional and exudes confidence.
Training will be hands-on and participants will be expected to work on a computer to build/update their LinkedIn profile, craft their Rapportive profile, and learn about other online tools and tips. The first part of the class will be presentation style; the last part of the class will be constructing your online profile. Please bring any photos, images or other portfolio items that you may want to include in your work (electronic files are best).
Restaurant Management & Food Safety
The National Restaurant Association's National Food Safety Month was created to heighten awareness about the importance of food safety education. Join us for information and training activities based on the ServSafe food safety program.


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Tessera Jacquard Woven Bath Mat
or make 4 interest-free payments of fortnightly with More info
Product Description
Canningvale's new Tessera bath mat collection has been crafted with the utmost care and quality in mind. Made from the finest Indian cotton with remarkable detail and precision, these unique and sought after pieces will be the perfect addition to any classically orientated bathroom or kitchen. An absolute delight underfoot where there is a sense of quality and integrity which is synonymous with the Canningvale brand and 5-year warranty. It is available in 3 sophisticated colours, try yours now and experience the Canningvale difference.
90cm x 60cm.
100% Cotton.
Product Care
Wash separately before use. Cold gentle machine wash. Do not bleach. Do not soak. Do not tumble dry. Line dry without delay. Do not dry clean. Shedding may occur during initial washing.
Warranty Information
Canningvale Australia Ltd stand by our products, which is why we guarantee all products against manufacturing faults for a period of 5 years from the date of purchase. If our products are found to have a manufacturing fault within that time, Canningvale will assess the goods and, should the goods be deemed faulty, provide either a replacement product or a full refund (less postage and handling). Should the faulty product be unavailable or sold out, a similar replacement will be offered.
Please note that this 5 Year Warranty does not cover the fair use wear and tear that home ware products generally undergo. We are also unable to warrant breakable items, such as Bathroom Accessories, against breakages that are outside of the fair use of a product.
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Healthier Medicare reforms need aged care funding: LASA
Healthier Medicare reforms can only be successful if the government prioritises funding and support to aged care providers, according to Leading Aged Services Australia (LASA). LASA Chief Executive, Patrick Reid, stated that the link between GP's and aged care services must be strengthened in order to reduce hospitalisation rates.
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Tags: aged care, funding, government, health, home care, hospital, hospitalisation, LASA, Leading Aged Services Australia, residential aged care