text:
Is it better to leave some things unsaid?
Je t'aime. Ti amo. I love you.
When the famous Polish pianist Arthur Rubinstein mused that we should "love life and life will love you back ... love people and they will love you back", he was obviously unfamiliar with the modern dating game.
Tell the object of your affection those three magic words and you run the risk of the quizzical stare, the nonchalant "er ... thanks" (without any sign of reciprocation), or worse - them explaining to you that they're enjoying the no-strings-attached casual liaison wayyy too much to shift gears into mushy couple territory.
"Why ruin a good thing?" they muse while your heart crumbles.
Back in high school, I found myself making the crucial mistake of declaring my love a little too prematurely for comfort.
"Love? Pfft! You don't even know the meaning of the word," scoffed my boyfriend at the time before giving me the flick - via a text message nonetheless.
"Love is complicated," he wrote. "I just don't think I'm ready for the words." (He certainly seemed ready when I caught him snogging his ex-girlfriend the following weekend, but that's a whole different blog ... )
I suspect a similar gut-wrenching experience is to blame for the fact that so many of my fellow singletons stick to the mantra that the "L" word is not something to be uttered unless the question has been popped, the rock's been purchased and both parties are fully aware of each other's bathroom, belching and belittling habits.
"Unless I know he's right for me and that I'm prepared to accept his ways - foibles and all - only then will I proclaim I love him," says one single femme, vociferously opposed to any lovespeak until there's a ring, a white dress and a picket fence firmly in sight.
"Even when he says it to me, I gush 'thank you my baby, my sweety-pie, my shnooky-poo' and then quickly change the subject. And I stick with 'luv' or 'loving you' in texts or emails."
E! News presenter Giuliana Depandi says she's doing just the right thing that is certain to lure a bloke. In tip #47 in her tome titled Think Like A Guy: How To Get A Guy By Thinking Like One, she jettisons the idea that women should ever say the "L" word first, let alone initiate the kids, marriage and move-in-together conversation. (Oops.)
Askmen.com advises its male readers similarly in an article by Curt Smith, who chastises any bloke who declares his true feelings for a woman. Smith says those three magic words are "evil words that have brought generations of clueless men worldwide to their demise". Ouch.
But I wonder this: in a time of mass communication with more gadgets, gizmos and whiz-bang widgets that enable us to tell someone we love them, surely it's time we were able to express our feelings freely? Be unafraid to open up our hearts?
Or are we simply too afraid of rejection to take the plunge ... even if it means getting the "L" word in reply ...
Is it better to leave some things unsaid? When should you / did you first say I love you? Who should say it first?
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 10:14 PM
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Should you mix work with pleasure?
"What are your views on starting a business with your partner?" writes blogger J in an email to me.
"Does the concoction of 'business and pleasure' make a heady yet smooth cocktail or does it just run dry down your throat?"
I must hear from a dozen readers and friends weekly who say they're facing a similar quandary: Do they pounce on their sexy work colleague, co-worker, boss or subordinate, or do they let it slide by the wayside?
Whether working in the same office (always a sticky situation) or starting a business together, couples quickly learn it's often not the most pleasant situation - especially when it comes to handling prying colleagues.
Sneaky kisses in the office kitchenette? Clandestine winks during the weekly board meeting? Romantic lunches at the coffee shop across the street? Not as quixotic as it all sounds ...
Jo Cheek, founder of Pash Parties (described as Sex and the City meets Tupperware), says working with her husband, Nigel, on the project has been nothing but a dream.
"He's in brand development, so for him to develop a brand from scratch has been such fun - we absolutely love it," she says.
But not everyone has it that easy.
Uber porn star Jenna Jameson, author of How To Make Love Like A Porn Star (co-written by Neil Strauss), is facing the wrath of jumping into business with her partner and co-star Jay Grdina who is threatening to suck her high and dry (no pun intended).
"I worked extremely hard for years to secure my success, and I have been forced to fight," she writes on her official MySpace blog. "Soon the divorce will be settled and I am hoping to come out unscathed, but my x is doing his best to make it hard."
And over in a different workplace corner, I received a phone call from a marketing manager friend of mine, who is struggling to juggle her newfound office romance.
"Only the boss knows that we're a couple," she tells me. "It's so awkward at work because we don't act like a couple at all. We see each other all the time and it's like we're different people when others are around.
"Behind closed doors everything is hunky-dory, but the second we step into work, it's like we don't even know each other.
"Sure I flirt a little, but we don't want our colleagues to find out anything or it could get even more awkward for everyone. I really, really like him so we want to try make this work. But it's proving so difficult that I have no idea what to do!"
So what's the alternative? Tell everyone about their behind-the-scenes romance?
Or ... quit?
"Hell no! We both love our jobs," she says, "so neither one of us is going to budge. But this is my advice to your readers: Be prepared when mixing business and pleasure for difficult times ahead!"
While I've never dated anyone I've worked with (and considering I work most of the time from home, it makes it pretty difficult), we all know the pitfalls are plenty.
But, as they say, some of the best romances ever stem from conversations over the office water cooler. And as Aristotle once said: "Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."
What do you think? Should you ever mix business with pleasure? Share your tales.
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 6:30 PM
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ASK SAM FRIDAY: Boys and their toys
Last week's blog expounding relationship deal breakers, caused a massive stir amongst the readers with a record 900 comments across both blogs.
So when a question richoteted into my inbox from Melbourne blogger MSG, I thought it appropriate to put it out there to you, considering it touches on a deal breaker that wasn't discussed in last week's comments.
Her deal breaker? Men who own guns and use them to hunt.
It's an unsual one, although by her reckoning many women are more proud of the fact that their man hunts than the man himself!
So her question to the women is this: "Would you date a man who owns a gun and lists hunting as his hobby?"
She continues: "In the past I was chatting to someone over the internet and he seemed nice enough, a true gentleman. Then he happened to mention that he had taken up a new hobby - hunting. Even though he was so lovely to me, I was immediately turned off. I was a little hesitant in meeting him in the first place but when he told me that, it tipped the scales and I decided not to meet him."
Bizarre indeed.
"I wonder, do women find this attractive?" she asks. "And does it make the man more masculine (or does he think he's more masculine) if he owns a gun? What do other women think? What do men think? Given the recent massacre in Virginia, I would be very interested to hear other people's opinion on this ...
"Also, many years ago, after a year of dating, my boyfriend at the time told me he was into hunting as well, and showed me photos of large dead animals he had killed, posing proudly. I didn't think much of it, but we broke up soon after and that was one factor (but not the only one) that led to the break-up. It just didn't sit well with me. I do not think I could date a man who lists hunting as his hobby. And many do.
"The society we live in today provides us with meat that can easily be bought. We don't need to physically go out there and shoot animals, am I right? Do some men have a need to kill? Is there something that drives them to do this and gain immense enjoyment out of it?"
Ladies, would this be a deal breaker for you? Would you date someone who hunts? Are there any other big boys' toys you'd prefer a man not to dabble with? And men, what do you think?
On a brighter note, have a fabulous weekend!
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 7:55 PM
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SAM AND THE CITY TV: Best and worst break-up excuses
Episode 8: "Ways to leave a lover".
Sam and the City TV is taken from the best of the blogs!
For this week's episode of Sam and the City TV, we ask what are the best and worst break-up excuses you've said or heard, and your top tips on how to get out of a bad date ... dignity intact.
"How do I break up with my girlfriend of four years?" came the question from a reader via email.
Well according to American singing legend Paul Simon, breaking up should be easy.
After all, by his reckoning there are a whopping "50 ways to leave your lover", which include his not-so-innovative suggestions of scurrying away by bus, dropping off their key or slipping out of the back before they have time to notice you're gone.
Of course Simon's engaging lyrics came a few decades before we saw the invention of the new-aged break-up modus operandi: the technologically-charged dump.
(This includes doing it publicly via their MySpace site; privately through a truncated text message, or as one friend was recently privy to: the indirect dump via a vitriolic, drunken, rambling voicemail message ... )
Yet no matter how it's done, as author Greg Behrendt artfully intoned:
"Break-ups hurt like a motherf---er"...
Indeed they do. That's why dumpees attempt so desperately to appease their guilt by spurting out to us all sorts of hackneyed lines and excuses.
I've heard lines run the gamut of "it's not you, it's me", to "let's just be friends", the old favourite "I'm going overseas - indefinitely", (hint: make sure you don't bump into them at the supermarket a week later), and the one that always seems to work like a charm, "Sorry love, but I'm gay".
Then there's the sticky issue of how to escape from a horrifying blind date. Can't think of an excuse to get out before the meal is up? Reader's suggestions include jumping out windows, getting the "urgent" call from a sick friend or being struck down with a sudden case of terrible food poisoning (works like a charm).
And if you want to avoid getting left to foot the bill at the restaurant or being slapped with the dreaded break-up line?
My advice is simple: always make sure you dump them first ...
What are your best and worst break-up excuses you've said or heard? How do you get out of a bad date? Is honesty always the best policy?
- Samantha Brett
- Watch Sam and the City TV - Ep 8 - Ways to leave a lover
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- Posted by Samantha Brett in Ask Sam TV at 7:00 PM
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Would you give it all up for love?
What would you be willing to sacrifice for love?
Religion? Money? A career? Your home? Family? Friendships?
While singledom has long been viewed as a halcyon time, I've noticed an increasing trend. Upon the unexpected discovery of an insatiable love, many are willing to latch onto it, despite the costs involved.
Yet reader James isn't sure that so many of us would be brave enough to take the risk.
"Would you really be willing to give it all up?" he writes to me in an email. "And would you forgive yourself for trying if it didn't work out? Is courage the missing ingredient for love/life and true happiness?"
True, giving it all up for love is never an easy decision. Many would be too scared to take the risk, ditching the romance instead of their lifestyle.
But sometimes that all-encompassing romance takes hold of something in your heart that you feel you simply can't allow to fall by the wayside ...
"I met the man of my dreams but he was a devout Christian," writes an anonymous blogger in an email to me. "I am Jewish and there was absolutely no way my family was going to accept the fact that I was dating someone of a different faith. I had to make a major decision; was I going to give up my religious beliefs, anger my family, alienate my friends and my life, for love?"
Another friend recently made the move to the opposite end of the earth (New York) to take a temporary job that would enable her to make a swift climb up the corporate ladder when she returned to Australia.
But when she met the man of her dreams in New York, everything changed.
"He wants me to move here permanently for him," she told me over the phone. "Yes, he's perfect in every way; he's charming, he treats me like a princess and we've got so much in common. But I am not sure if I'm ready to give up my dreams back in Australia."
She still grapples with the notion that if she doesn't give it all up "for love", she might never find it again.
"When you find true love, sometimes you have to do things that aren't always accepted," says the blogger who has decided to abandon her Jewish faith temporarily.
"I feel that I've given up the peacefulness within my life - the respect of my family, the time spent with my friends, the religious aspect of my life. I've sacrificed so much, but at the same time I feel that it's all worth it."
Then there's the flip side of the giving-it-up-for-love coin: when the consequences are far graver than simply moving state, taking on a new religion or giving up your cigarette habit.
A case in point is the growing trend that one Sam and the City reader says she's recently noticed among her circle of friends, "older women who suddenly risk career, reputation, husband and kids for an affair with a much younger man, claiming it's all 'for love' ".
It sounds like more of an escape from reality than a sacrifice for love to me.
Yet how do you know the difference? And how do you make a decision that could change the rest of your life? Is love enough to get you through?
I'll leave the last word on this to James, who concludes his email with this:
"Sometimes I think real happiness is so close to anyone who wants it ... but they're too afraid to take it ... "
What do you guys think? What would you give up, or have you given up for love?
PS. Have a great ANZAC Day - Sam and the City will be back on Thursday!
- Samantha Brett
- Watch Sam and the City TV - Ep 7 - Why men fall asleep after sex
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 5:47 PM
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Too young to tie the knot?
It seems we're having one of our periodic worldwide moan-fests about the state of modern marriage. We're either too young, too old, too rushed, too slow, doing it for all the wrong reasons or doing it with too much pomp and fanfare to be the real deal.
But if we are to believe the lurid headlines, then what is the biggest problem we women face? Modern men are refusing to bow to pressures to get hitched.
Their reasoning? They're simply "too young" to settle down.
"Too young?!" the ring-hankering women retort back. After all, Juliet was 13 when she tied the knot with Romeo! Marie Antoinette married at 14, actress Drew Barrymore walked down the aisle at 19 and pop singer Avril Lavigne managed to lure her beau into tying the knot when she was just 21!
So what's going on?
We all know there's been a seismic shift in the marital landscape, yet, from my recent research, I'm a little confused as to what exactly the shift entails.
While more and more of my female friends seem to be tying the knot younger and younger (I've seen countless women in their early 20s get hitched in the past year), the Australian Bureau of Statistics would have us believe otherwise ...
Apparently the average marital age for women has increased to 29 from 24 in 1985, while the men have really been pushing things back to a whopping 32 (up from 26).
Yet many would disagree.
Forbes magazine reckons there's an increase in "starter marriages"; marriages that start too early and subsequently end too early. The story cites the cause of their downfall as the lack of maturity of the parties involved as well as their false fantasies of marriage.
So my questions are these:
Are we really marrying later, as statisticians would have us believe? Are we shunning the institution altogether? Or are we rushing to the alter more quickly than ever before? And are the women hankering for a ring a little too young and too aggressively for the men to comprehend?
Apparently so.
A cautionary tale is recounted by my 24-year-old friend Ben, who, after finding himself dating a girl 10 years his senior, decided the right thing to do (in order to keep her happy) was to propose.
"I didn't want to lose her," he said, "and I heard all that biological clock stuff, so I thought proposing would mean that I could keep her for good."
But the marital fantasy of sex on tap, increased domesticity, shared dishwashing duties and someone to help feed the cat while he went off to the footy quickly turned to reality.
"My mates were all partying and having a good time, and I was at home choosing wedding invitations and doing the seating arrangements. Suddenly it hit me that my life was going to be over before it had even begun. So I ended it. I lost the girl but gained back my life."
Prince William recently found himself in a similar position, with pressure from the world to tie the knot with long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton. After all, she was 25; almost an old maid by traditional princess standards.
Yet, at 24, the Prince felt way too young to tie the knot, telling a Sun reporter that he didn't want to get hitched until he was "at least 28, or maybe 30".
The two however, had already shacked up. Middleton had allowed the Prince to "try before he buys", and, as Miranda Devine artfully opined, it was Middleton's biggest mistake. "It is an old-fashioned concept but Middleton's fate is a salutary lesson for young women contemplating shacking up with the love of their lives rather than holding out for a firm commitment." Ouch.
But perhaps he has good reason too.
A girlfriend who was so desperate to ditch the singleton label (and the fear of being labelled an "old maid" before her 25th birthday), rushed a poor bloke to the alter, only to figure out a couple of months later that the two were unsuitable for one another and a messy divorce ensued.
So back to age.
Is the delay to marry simply a man thing? Are women today still concerned as ever before about their biological clocks? And do women believe that the sooner they get the ring, the better?
Possibly. And while the women are secretly sizing up every man's husband potential the minute they lay eyes on the poor lad, most of the time he's only after a quick root and a hot date to accompany him to the annual office soiree ...
Does age matter when it comes to marriage? What is too young to tie the knot? And are men more caught up in marital age than women?
PS. GIRLS, Want to know what's on a man's mind? We're giving you the chance to win FIVE double pass to a must-see presentation by bestselling author Geoff Barker.
You'll receive a free copy of his book plus hear the latest info, ask questions and find out how to change your relationships and how men relate to you.
Simply email us with why you'd like to attend the workshop. The best answers will receive free double-passes to the workshop. Good luck!
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 5:30 PM
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ASK SAM FRIDAY: When in-laws intervene
With the latest hullabaloo surrounding the abrupt end of Prince William's five-year union with Kate Middleton, I got to wondering about the role families can play in determining the future happiness of a relationship.
After all, it was reportedly Queen Elizabeth herself who encouraged poor William (much to the delight of squealing women worldwide) to dump 25-year-old Middleton.
"We don't want another Diana," Queen Elizabeth scoffed, going on to complain about Middleton's middle-class "breeding", her incessantly gum-chewing mother and their use of the word "toilet" rather than "lavatory".
Perhaps Mark Twain was right when he once said, "Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law."
Hence for this week's ASK SAM, I thought we'd tackle the question from one reader (who wishes to remain anonymous in fear of the in-laws) who says her question comes after the issue was raised amongst her colleagues recently at work and started a torrent of water cooler conversations.
"It appears everyone has had or knows someone who has gone through this," she writes ...
"What do you do when your parent/s actively dislike your partner? When is it okay for a parent to show concern, and when have they 'crossed the line from carer to overbearing and interfering?'
"I raise the question because I recently introduced my new boyfriend to my family. After an afternoon of eating, drinking and being merry I came away feeling great, calm, loved and supported by those around me.
"Roughly two days later one of my parents decided call me to drop the NA-Bomb. 'Not approved' on basis of 'instant dislike, bad vibes about trustworthiness, appearance and general shiftiness'.
"Needless to say, I thought 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all', but now of course it has created a ripple effect."
Maybe Queen Elizabeth should have taken some of her advice...
In conclusion, her question is this:
When is it okay to say to your friends/daughter/son/mum/dad/sister/brother that you don't like their significant other?
Should you ever say anything at all, or should your friends/daughter/son/mum/dad/sister/brothers personal choices, judgement and happiness be good enough?
What do you think? Have a fabulous weekend! xx
PS. Please allow for some delays in moderation during the afternoon as unfortunately I wont be around - I am filming.
- Samantha Brett
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SAM AND THE CITY TV: Men, sex and sleep
Episode 7: "Why men fall asleep after sex"
Sam and the City TV is taken from the best of the blogs!
For this week's episode of Sam and the City TV, we asked the experts why men conk out right after bonking, and why women don't do the same ...
As a dating columnist, most folks I come into contact with are under the impression that no topic is off limits. (OK, I admit it gives me plenty of fodder for this blog, but do you have to spill every bean in your closet!?)
So when I met up with an old schoolmate and his new girlfriend for drinks the other night, I wasn't surprised when he began rattling off their bedroom antics. (And no, he didn't stop at the colour of her lingerie.)
I soon became privy to raunchy texts, details on where they did it (pools/planes/parks), when they did it (before work on Mondays and Wednesdays), what noises she made (way too much information, even for me) and what they did afterwards ...
While his girlfriend's cheeks were growing redder with every new position, her beau didn't seem to notice. His main concern? Why he falls asleep after sex while she wants to do it all again.
As evidenced from this blog, it seems he's not alone in his conundrum. But since I have no idea why this happens (I suspect it has something to do with our hormones), I've summoned a panel of experts on Sam and the City TV to shed some light on the topic.
While Dr Cindy Pan and Alice Haemmerle of A Perfect Mind hold diverse (and somewhat strange) opinions, two US male doctors, who wrote the definitive book on the topic, reckon the reason is simple: sex is simply too darn tiring.
"It's having five iron chefs in your crotch", writes co-author Dr Goldberg.
Yet the question remains: Why is it just a man thing?
Apparently - and believe it or not - women don't always have an orgasm. Therefore they're kept from producing what doctors dub "sleepy" hormones, hence they're still wide awake once it's all over.
After I later explained this to my mate (while his girlfriend was catching up on some much-needed shut-eye), he listened carefully, paused for a moment, then asked the following question;
"So does this mean that if she's not falling asleep straight after sex, she's faking it?!"
Interesting point he had ...
Why do men fall asleep after sex? Why don't women? And how do you ensure your libidos are aligned?
- Posted by Samantha Brett in Ask Sam TV at 8:00 PM
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Sexual desire
What is sexual desire? Why do we feel it for one person and not another? And what causes it?
As a dating columnist, email queries on sexual desire often pop up in my inbox, begging an explanation as to how you know when it exists, whether or not it's necessary in a relationship (new or old), and what the heck the term means.
According to a Wikipedia, Sigmund Freud surmised that it's "the instinctual energy of force that can conflict with the conventions of civilised behaviour". Swiss psychologist Carl Jung reckoned it's a force created by psychic energy; "energy that manifests itself in the life process and is perceived subjectively as striving and desire".
And yet, New York Times writer Natalie Angier says in the story titled "Birds Do It. Bees Do It. People Seek Keys To It" that sexual desire is a mysterious enigma that has yet to be solved ...
"Everybody with a pair of currently or formerly active gonads knows about sexual desire," she writes. "Yet universal does not mean uniform, and the definitions of sexual desire can be as quirky and personalised as the very chromosomal combinations that sexual production will yield."
When I posed the question of sexual desire at a recent dinner party, it seemed all (whether straight. gay, ensconced, single or even the cynical), were quick to add their two cents' worth to the desire debate.
"I totally believe in sexual chemistry between two people," quipped one, who went on to explain that, when you desire someone sexually, every position you find yourself in with them (and no they weren't referring to the sexual kind), from the way you sit with them on the couch to the ability to share your feelings, feels right, natural and comfortable.
"It's when you get to the point that one person isn't comfortable in their own skin around you, that's when you know the sexual desire isn't emanating."
By Angier's reckoning, there are a variety of explanations that rest on scientific legs.
There's the theory that says it's the "neural, anatomical and emotional mechanisms that modulate and micromanage sexual desire and sexual arousal"; there's the belief that culture plays the major role in it all, and then there's the belief that it's not the actual act of sex, but the "afterthought" that feeds it, which Angier observes as "the cognitive overlay that the brain gives to the sensation of already having been aroused by some sort of physical or subliminal stimulus - a brush on the back of the neck, say, or the sight of a ripe apple, or wearing a hard hat on a construction site and being surrounded by other men in similar haberdashery".
But swoonworthy haberdashery aside, there's that constant question that crosses minds when you meet someone new; will sparks fly between us or will they not? Do I feel the sexual desire, and do they feel it back? And how long do I give a new relationship for the chemistry to grow if it doesn't initially exist?
Bona fide internet daters often explain to me that everyone they date seems hung up on the concept of sexual desire. If neither party feels it at the word go (something reminiscent of butterflies, flushed cheeks and sweaty palms) on the very first date, neither is willing to give the relationship a go.
Instead, thanks to our ability to pick and choose dates like a kid in a candy store, they quickly move on to the next desirable suitor, going on a roller-coaster ride of dates without very much success.
Why is this so?
When I asked a New York-based relationship psychologist, she explained to me that this is the very reason that work relationships are most effective; sexual desire is given a chance to grow before the actual hook-up takes place.
Her top advice? Do common interest activities that you're passionate about; take a language class, learn how to cook, do a salsa dancing class and, if you meet someone there, there's a whole 10 weeks to see if the desire grows, instead of relying on it to be there from the very first kiss.
And my favourite excuse to break off a bad date?
"I just don't feel there's sexual chemistry here ... " Enough said.
What is sexual desire? Is it important? Does it grow, or is it immediate?
- Samantha Brett
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What's your deal breaker?
Swoonworthy romantic moments! The mind-blowing sex! Euphoric feelings! Delectable text sex! Ah yes, a good relationship provokes a luminous sentimentality for the couple involved.
Yet it seems that, since the relationship horizon has turned coitus casual, long-termers are no longer afraid to pull the plug when things aren't quite working out.
True, it's great to have someone who loves and cherishes you constantly by your side. There's the flurry of kisses, sex on tap and no need to worry about braving first dates or putting yourself on the online meet market (not to mention going speed dating, learning to salsa dance, speak French and know how to cook a mean grill) in order to find a date. But what if that person is making your life a constant misery? What if the sizzle is rapidly fizzling? How can you tell when enough is enough?
Introducing deal breakers: the thing that your partner or date does to turn you off - for good ...
"When my boyfriend started talking about what language he wanted our kids to learn, that was the deal breaker for me," says one serial internet dater. They had been dating only four weeks. "And when he emailed me to ask if it was really over between us, that was a double whammy. I ended up having to dump him via return email."
"For me, deal breakers are simple; no trust or communication, and a woman who doesn't have a career goal," says my marketing manager friend John, whose deal breaker was the fact his girlfriend of four years started to hang out (way too many nights a week) with her "artist" mates. "It got to a point where I no longer felt that she was contributing to the relationship, the finances or even our sexual chemistry. It was clear it was over when she quit her job to take up acting lessons - without even telling me!"
Deal breakers run the gamut of the physical to the emotional: he refuses to get married, she didn't tell you she has two kids, he's rude to the waiter on the first date (or any date), she insults your folks (a big no-no in anyone's books), he wears sneakers and tracky daks to your sister's wedding, she chooses work over sex, he chooses sport over sex, and either one cheats, lies or hits on your best mate. Suddenly, there's no doubt in your mind: it's o-v-e-r.
Yet Dr Bethany Marshall, author of the new book Deal Breakers: When To Work On A Relationship And When To Walk Away (Simon Spotlight Entertainment) - striking a chord worldwide with those who feel they've received the shorter end of the relationship stick - warns those of you who are already hitched to be slow to break a deal based solely on the trivial.
"Deal breakers are not minor annoying habits such as your boyfriend's chewing with his mouth open or your husband's endlessly quoting sports statistics. Rather, they are qualities that erode your most cherished aspirations for a satisfying love relationship," she writes.
Yet not everyone heeds Marshall's advice.
Instead Amy Dezellar, author of the hilariously funny tome Dating Amy, (a diary of her attempts to get herself out of debt by going on 50 dates), has a strong list of her own deal breakers.
"I look at what films a man has seen, his views on Beatles music and which specific countries he has travelled to. Deal breakers for me would include most Bruce Willis movies, only liking "Got to Get You into My Life" and considering Canada exotic." Ouch.
But gents, do not fear. Not all of us are so quick to judge.
"If you love someone enough and you're willing to be committed to them, then the small things don't matter," quips one single reader whom we'll call Kate. And since she's now dating a dozen men, she reckons she should know all about those first-date deal breakers.
By her account, when you're looking for an "out" of the relationship, it's easier to blame those annoying habits or those tiny digressions for a quick excuse to get the heck out of there.
"I don't believe in monogamy or being with one person for the rest of your life," she writes, "but I do believe that, if it's the right guy, those deal breakers don't really count. You become willing to put up with their foibles in order to keep the relationship alive - if you really like them enough.
"I am not sleeping with any of the six guys at the moment, because none of them have shown me that they're really into me for me, and not just for other things, like companionship or loneliness. It just feels that these guys are all desperate. And while there haven't been any direct deal breakers yet, they're all skating on pretty thin ice."
Marshall concurs: "A deal breaker is not a one-time fight. Nor is it an excuse to put distance between you and him. A deal breaker is a sign of everything else that is wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, deal breakers erupt into consciousness during one awful moment (like discovering a pile of bounced cheques when you have long suspected that he is irresponsible). Or they are characterised by a series of seemingly minor events that add up to one big problem (like many social events during which he inappropriately brags - worse yet, about his baseball card collection)."
So perhaps next time you find yourself gagging over your new beau's eating habits, their inability to keep the toilet seat down or their refusal to watch chick flicks; or your new girlfriend's habit of spilling her mascara on your beige carpet, her pungent-smelling fake tan, or her inability to find directions (even though the party is only a couple of blocks away), bear in mind that you might be fishing for excuses to give them the flick, or, like Kate, you might not be the monogamous type after all ...
What's your deal breaker? Share your experiences.
- Samantha Brett
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Men v women: Who has it worse?
You'd think that with Hillary Clinton being the Democratic frontrunner for the US presidency, more women climbing the corporate ladder and being able to "do it" like men (casually and devoid of emotion), we are finally getting our due. Apparently not.
It seems when it comes to sex, money and stereotyping, women are still getting the shorter end of the stick.
While buying time at the airport recently, I found a small piece in the latest American version of Men's Health magazine with the headline, "Women tend to secure worse deals in home mortgages".
The story mentions a study carried out by the Consumer Federation of America, which found that middle-income women were 28 per cent more likely to receive a high interest loan than men with a similar income.
"Women aren't as comfortable negotiating with lenders, a researcher speculates," the piece concluded.
Aren't as comfortable? What a bunch of codswallop, I thought.
This reminded me of an email I received a while back from a reader who calls themselves Complicated ...
The question was this: "Who has it tougher? Men or Women?"
"Men have to pluck up the courage to initiate contact with a woman they have never met, usually with a group of friends and hence are in the position of facing rejection and possible ridicule.
"Then there's the women, who, while they may wish to meet somebody (not necessarily right then and there), usually have to sit back and wait, and sometimes wait, and wait. Society still frowns upon women who make the first move, repeatedly anyway. Some women are very rarely approached, while some men rarely make an approach."
This got me wondering: who really does have it worse - men or women?
With the rampant stereotyping that goes on against the fairer sex, you'd think that women had it a tad worse than their male counterparts.
Females are being labelled "too old" for certain jobs, too slutty when an intimate sex tape is leaked by their boyfriend (while the man involved is applauded by his mates) and a bunch of "nappy-headed hos" when they are strong, independent and stand up for their beliefs.
Add to that the belief that women climax only a quarter of the time during sex, and the fact that, according to one male reader "a dud root for a female is much worse than a dud root for a bloke; we can always get off, no matter how bad, which would be one of the things we have over the women in the sexual stakes" and you've got yourself one big argument for the females-have-it-worse case.
Want more weapons for your women-have-the-raw-end-of-the-stick arsenal?
Hollywood actress Bette Davis once said: "When a man gives his opinion, he's a man; when a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch."
Ah, the magic B word.
Kate Figes, author of a new book titled The Big Fat Bitch Book, (which is bound to chill some female spines and get the gents cackling), writes that, when it comes to stereotyping and name-calling, no woman is safe.
Figes explains that, when men go out for a drink together, it is described as "networking" or a positive social interaction. But when women get together, they "gossip" or "bitch".
"Men tend to call women bitches when they do not get what they want from them," she writes. "So, if a woman turns a man down for a date, she is a bitch. If she climbs the career ladder faster than him, she is a bitch. If she becomes his boss and turns down one of his ideas, she is - you guessed it - a bitch."
Even Madonna isn't immune from the B tag, telling journalists that she's tough, ambitious and knows what she wants. "If that makes me a bitch, OK ... Sometimes you have to be a bitch to get things done."
I often marvel at the way some blokes complain, backstab and carry on about their fellow mates/colleagues/bosses. Only, no matter how vitriolic they get, they still never ever get stuck with the horrible B Tag ...
Sex, money and stereotyping: who has it worse? Men or women?
- Samantha Brett
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ASK SAM FRIDAY: When neat freaks and slobs collide
They say opposites attract. But when a gluttonous couch potato coincides with an uptight neat freak, does all hell break loose?
A mate of mine, who we'll call Jim, has a disease he likes to call "mess-aphobic". So much so that going camping with his mates for the weekend is an absolute nightmare. "I can't tell them to clean up or they think I'm a bit of a loser," he tells me, "but I can't stand the mess either. It drives me crazy!"
Thankfully, he's recently moved in with an equally freakish neat freak.
When I recently went over to visit their new pad, he was trimming the trees on the balcony so the outside would look neater while she was in the laundry busily ironing the shirts and the towels. (Who irons towels?)
While two clutter busters are a match made in heaven, I wonder what would happen if either one were dating someone quite the contrary - a total slob. What if they were dating someone who didn't give a toss about how trim the trees looked or whether the soaps were lined up in the bathroom? How would they cope?
You might be laughing at the thought, but messiness is a very real problem in Australia. In fact experts reckon that about one in 200 of us are hoarders; in other words we keep anything and everything, letting it pile up around us. It's been known to ruin lives, and relationships. (I've even heard of divorce being threatened if the piles don't vanish, and fast.)
So back to relationships. When it comes to clean versus dirty, would one partner have to clean everything up the other's jumble? Would the relationship fizzle out under the cleanliness pressure?
Reader OSG is facing a similar quandary. This is her question ...
My boyfriend is neat and tidy at my place ie. he puts his plate away and he keeps things reasonably neat at my place where we spend little or no time.
However, we spend most (if not all) of our time at his place (29 nights a month) ... and I'm not completely willing to give up my apartment/independence.
At his place he's more of a slob - where used plates and cups can be left out for days on end!! Much to my frustration.
Apart from a few comments, I feel reluctant to dictate the way he lives - especially since it is, after all, HIS place.
And to further my frustration, I end up clearing the plates away for him since my dirtiness threshold is way lower than his.
Can you tell a guy what to do in this own place? (I sure would resent it if it was my place!)
What do you think? Are you neat or a mess? Do you love or hate neat freaks?
- Samantha Brett
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SAM AND THE CITY TV: A fetish for redheads
Episode 6: "Are redheads really better in the sack?"
Sam and the City TV is taken from the best of the blogs!
For this week's episode of Sam and the City TV, we hit the streets to find out more about one of your favourite topics: Are redheads really better in the sack?
Ah, the fetish. Known as an obsessive fixation on either an object or a body part, it's that enigmatic concept which ranges from the obvious and the innocent - shoes, feet, hands and hair - to the kinky, the dirty and the just plain weird (think lipstick, leather and Victoria Secret underwear - on blokes).
Freud (rumoured father of fetish) reportedly had an obsession with ancient Egypt. Celebrity chef Rachael Ray's husband allegedly has a spit and foot fetish. (Apparently it ain't that rare either.) Reader with the nickname Dr Nick Riviera says he has an acute appreciation of plunging tops and dresses "because I like looking at girls in them".
And Pretty Woman's Edward, played by Richard Gere, had a fetish for curly redheads and wasn't at all perturbed when Julia Roberts revealed her platinum-blonde locks were only a wig.
Apparently he's not the only one ...
Forget psychoanalytic, post-structuralist, feminist and Marxist theory because, when it comes to fetishes, those who have a penchant for Playboy bunny blondes better listen.
Apparently those feisty redheads have more sex than their fairer (and even their darker) counterparts.
While I admit I've no personal experience in the redhead sector, I'm confident there's truth to the findings of Hamburg sex researcher, Dr Werner Habermehl, who profiled the sex lives of hundreds of German women.
The results? The professor told the Daily Mail that his survey uncovered the startling news that it's the cherry-haired chicks who have more partners and more regular sex than the average woman.
Yet, while many blokes (and a number of female readers of this blog) have divulged their delight for ginger-tops, a survey on fetishes carried out by web portal Askmen.com finds that hair colour doesn't even make the list.
No. 1 on its list of top 10 fetishes of the human species? Voyeurism and exhibitionism.
That's right folks; apparently, according to the site's survey, "a lot of guys admitted that they couldn't get off with their partner unless they were watching pornography or another couple in the act".
Not into it? Not to worry.
Ranked high on the list of ways to please a bona fide fetish-er are through the feet (sucking, caressing and licking), the stomachs (taut abs are preferential), body piercing (anything goes, especially breasts and pubic bits) and anything that involves kinky fabrics, and whips.
But back to the redheads.
If you're of a different shaded hair, it seems we're a nation unruffled. Why? Because not only can a shade of red easily be added to your locks, but, according to a story in The Washington Post titled "Red Alert!", a whopping 17.2 per cent of American home-dye kits bought are now in shades of red; there's the 14 per cent increase in Clairol red shades, there's a 21 per cent increase of red hair colour sales in Mexico, and more than one pound of hair dye sold annually in Japan is in a fiery hue.
But if you're thinking of making the switch, one reader with a redheaded fetish has a word of warning: "Just make sure the drapes match the carpet."
What's your fetish? Have you ever dated someone with a fetish? Are redheads truly more fiery in the bedroom?
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett in Ask Sam TV at 7:27 PM
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Do we date our parents?
Ever heard someone say "I married my mother?" or "My boyfriend treats me just like my father did?" What about, "My spouse is such a neat freak, just like my mum was" or "I can't believe he said that - my dad used to say the same thing!"
I've often wondered whether the popular theory that says we marry our parents is true. And it's something that scientists and psychologists have wondered for centuries: what makes us drawn to one person and not another?
Picking up one of most comprehensive tomes on the subject, titled Getting The Love You Want by Dr Harville Hendrix, (note: do not have it lying around your room when a new date comes over or a very awkward conversation could ensue), it seems there are four key theories.
There's the biological view: that we pick a mate according to our perception of their ability to provide for us and reproduce (hence the attraction to burly brunettes).
There's the "exchange" theory that says we look for someone who is more or less equal in stature to us (physically, financially and emotionally).
There's the "persona" theory, which asserts that we look for someone who enhances our self esteem.
And if we latch onto the theory of psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, then we have no control over whom we fall in love with because it's our subconscious mind that guides us ...
Relationships expert Alice Haemmerle, director of Sydney-based A Perfect Mind, says that this subconscious mind is what draws us to marry someone like our folks.
Why? "Because that's the way our belief systems are," she explains. "If you're a woman, your first man was your father. If you're a man, your first woman was your mother. And so we spend our lives looking for someone else to provide the qualities our parents did - the good and bad. I have yet to find anyone not doing that."
According to the experts, between the ages of zero and seven is our "imprint period" - the time when our beliefs and our values are most ingrained into our psyches.
By the time we reach our eighth birthday, our subconscious mind has painted a clear picture of exactly the type of person we're going to end up marrying; the one who is most akin to our folks. (Who would have thought?)
Psychologist David Perrett from the University of St Andrews in Scotland, backs up this theory.
In researching why we find certain people to be attractive partners, he took images of his students' faces and morphed them into faces of the opposite sex using a computer program he devised. He then gave them a choice of faces, and asked them which they preferred. Most picked their own face, without knowing it was theirs.
So what does this mean? He concluded that we're attracted to someone who reminds us of ourselves, and since most of us have similar features to our parents, we are attracted to faces that look as close to those we constantly looked at when we were kids: our folks.
And once we find that person?
Sparks fly! Pheromones race! Sweat starts to pour! Especially in terms of the sweat factor.
In fact, and bear with me for a moment here, women are actually drawn to a man whose sweat smells just like her father's! That's right blokes; it might pay to leave that aftershave behind because this is according to actual scientific research put together by researchers at the University of Chicago and published in the medical journal Nature Genetics. Ladies and gents, the nose knows.
Of course by nose or by pose, many of us aren't too happy with the prospect that we're going to end up with someone just like one of our parents.
What if one was an alcoholic? A drug addict? Depressed? Too sporty? Too geeky? Not affectionate enough? Had a bad temper? Didn't like the way we dressed? Wouldn't we do everything in our power to desperately find someone quite the opposite?
Apparently, no matter how bad things were for us as a kid, we can't help ourselves.
"We think that we go for someone who is none of those things that we disliked in our parents, but we still do end up falling for someone who has a similar personality trait in some other way," Haemmerle says. "They might not be an alcoholic, but they may have another type of addiction. It's not a direct parallel, but they might be a control freak."
I'd be interested to know if any of you think you've dated or married someone just like one of your folks.
Do you notice qualities in them that you liked or disliked in one of your parents? Are we really attracted to someone just like the ones who brought us up? And, if so, do we finally have a concrete reason to blame our folks for those toxic, failed relationships?
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 7:15 PM
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Are you a romantic or a cynic?
There's a great line in an episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa Simpson says this: "Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenised, and sold off piece by piece."
Of course not everyone agrees.
Some cynics argue it's the internet that's killed romance, dragging along with it fate, hope and any concept of spontaneity, by enabling us to tick off desired characteristics in a mate as if we're shopping for groceries - in our tracky daks.
Then there's the more sagacious theory; women are no longer buying into it.
And who can blame us? The forced sentimentalism, the corniness and the over-the-top lovey-dovey stuff ... is it meant to sweep us off our feet?
A reader, whom we'll call Jill, recounts the following cautionary tale:
"I wasn't sure if it was a bid to prove he's a modern, new-aged bloke in touch with his 'feelings', but he did everything on a first date that I absolutely abhor," she wrote to me in an email.
"He brought me a dodgy bunch of blooms, ordered a giant car to take us around for the night, took me to a cheesy supposedly romantic restaurant, and ended the night by taking me to this horrendous lookout with a view of the water, which was covered in 16-year-olds with their tongues down each others' throats. Urgh!"
It gets worse. "The very next night I had a work function at a city bar, and I spotted him canoodling in the corner with another girl. He obviously wasn't at all interested in me and his dreadful attempt at being 'romantic' was all just for show. I can't believe how many women get sucked in by this stuff, but please may it be a warning to girls out there: don't believe the hype!"
Nauseating, isn't it?
In an unofficial office poll, I was hardly surprised to find it's the females who sit on the opposite side of cupid.
"Romantic gestures and the morning-after-breakfast are something I no longer expect or even consider," scoffed one female sales manager.
"Perhaps that's because you're not getting any!" retorted a male journalist, who has had a Valentine's Day teddy bear from his girlfriend sitting on his desk since February last year!
True, the sexual jungle isn't as it once was, but are women really becoming more cynical about the icky stuff than the blokes?
According to a BBC poll, that's exactly the case. The poll asked men and women to disclose their most treasured memories of all time. Most blokes said they go misty-eyed over the memory of their very first pash.
And women's most cherished experience? Time spent with their very first pet. (The men weren't even part of the equation.)
The trouble with these findings is that, although modern males might be of the more romantic (albeit try-hard) breed, they are like every horse I've ever betted on at the Melbourne Cup; they start off well with good intentions but it's not long before they begin to fall behind.
Once the honeymoon period is over (in other words once you've slept with them), the romantic bets are off. No wonder the chicks are cynical over all the fuss and pizzazz of romantic gestures.
When I first started the column, readers were divided: there were those who bought into the whole Valentine's Day phenomenon, and those who shunned everything it stood for in favour for jumping on the Quirkyalone bandwagon, donning black with the Black Hearts movement, which dubs its official website: "A place for the bitter and jaded to celebrate the grim realities of love", and which celebrates a strange phenomenon known as "Love Sucks Month" (which usually takes place in February).
But don't be deterred: these cynics still have sex, and plenty of it. In fact, possibly even more than the romantics, since no time is wasted on fluffing up dates, shopping for flowers and spending hours on candles, music and mood settings.
Even the International Planned Parenthood Federation concurs. The BBC cited the federation's study, which found that young people preferred having sex to receiving chocolates and red roses from their loves ones. (Who would have thought?)
Yet I thought I'd leave the last word on this to a bloke aptly named Romeo, who, on reading about the above sex v romance study, responded on the BBC website with this: "Romance is not dead, it's just shunned by today's society because of its vulnerability. Romance leaves you open to a broken heart and that's the last thing anyone wants in our almost Darwinist society."
How bloody romantic ...
Are you a romantic or a cynic?
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 8:41 PM
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SAM AND THE CITY TV: Serial Monogamy and The Casual Sex Generation
WATCH SAM AND THE CITY TV HERE! "Hooking up and The Casual Sex Generation."
Sam and the City TV is taken from the best of the blogs!
It was screen siren Warren Beatty who once said, "The highest level of sexual excitement is in a monogamous relationship."
So it's like this: You find a partner, you sleep together, you meet their family for Sunday brunch and then you move in together. You might even pop out a few kids before it ends, sans a ring.
Unperturbed, those belonging to the casual sex generation simply move on. They find another suitable mate and do the whole thing all over again. The cycle might even repeat itself three, four, five, maybe even more times before they ever settle in for the long haul.
Welcome to the age of serial monogamy ...
Compared with those teenage Girls Gone Wild, the rise in casual sex and the proliferation of raunch culture, f--- buddies and porn-on-tap, the notion of serial monogamy seems old-fashioned and rather innocent by comparison.
And while the '70s feministic ideals promised us that never again would we be suffocatingly stuck in the kitchen whipping up pies for our husbands, and that we'd be able to "do it" like men, (repetitively hooking up without emotions getting in the way), it seems more women have taken a liking to the concept of serial monogamy instead. A domestic relationship without any real commitment. Bliss indeed.
Yet some still think of the term as a dirty word.
"What will it mean for the state of the nuclear family?" bark the headlines. "What will happen to the institution of marriage?" "Will birth rates decline?"
Apparently not. That's because these cavorting couples are more inclined to have babies than to get married. In fact, according to Britain's Family Planning Association, two in five kids these days are born outside wedlock, compared with one in 10 born outside marriage 20 years ago.
But back to serial monogamy. Apparently, with the rise in divorce rates, these types of relationships outlast their married counterparts!
The trouble though is this: Will we ever really settle down, or are we having too much fun playing the field?
PS. Sam and the City will be back next Wednesday.
Have a fabulous Easter break! xx
- Samantha Brett
- Watch Sam and the City TV - Ep 5 - The Casual Sex Generation
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- Posted by Samantha Brett in Ask Sam TV at 7:36 PM
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What's your guilty pleasure?
Tabloids. Ice-cream. Reality TV. Kylie. Strawberry Quick. Ah, those guilty pleasures, those wicked weapons of seduction that give us vast amounts of pleasure even if everyone else reckons we're a bunch of twats for liking them.
Plato once said that pleasure is the bait of sin, but perhaps women are taking his words a little too seriously.
When I recently picked up Fay Weldon's What Makes Women Happy, I was surprised to learn that women feel elated for a measly 10 minutes after partaking in the top six things that women say make them happy - sex, food, friends, family, shopping and chocolate.
Why? The feminist icon says that, not long after we indulge in one of these six supposed female vices, instead of revelling in the euphoria they bring, something else happens in our minds: anxiety and guilt set in.
After sex, we wonder if we should have done it. After eating, we ask: "Should I have eaten it?" After shopping, we wonder if we should have bought it. And after chocolate, we berate ourselves over why we ate so much of it ...
As for the blokes? An office poll finds guilty pleasures run the gamut of watching porn and ogling at women to having sex and buying gadgets. One brawny bloke even admits to the dirtiest male guilty pleasure of all; his penchant for films Pride and Prejudice, Something's Gotta Give and Serendipity. (Although apparently it's turned him into a bona fide chick magnet.)
But do the gents beat themselves up the same way we do? Do they feel guilty every time they do it? Ashamed? Pah! They're more likely to brag about it if anything.
Yet with so many women feeling guilty over every morsel they put in their mouths, every bloke they bed and every pair of shoes they buy, I wonder: are we living our lives devoid of any real pleasure? Does everything we do have to reek of guilt and sin? Are we addicted to remorse? And is it particularly a female condition?
Author Erica Jong certainly thought so when she wrote; "Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and i'll show you a man."
Sexpert Tracey Cox concurred and noted this is especially true when it comes to sex. "I think it's very sad that a lot of women don't take as much pleasure from sex as they could," she told The Guardian.
"I think that has got a lot to do with guilt, and it's also because they're knackered; we try to do everything and then at the end of the day we have to be this perfect lover, and of course you've got to have the perfect body, and we feel guilty for not living up to that."
Experts also say the fact that most women don't have an orgasm 80 per cent of the time, makes us feel guilty about sex anyway.
So with all this guilt floating around, and with Easter just around the corner, (and chocolate eggs and cream-centred cakes filling our minds), I thought it only necessary that we confess what gets our pheromones ticking ...
So go ahead and reveal your guiltiest pleasures. Just don't talk about them in the office kitchenette ...
What's your guilty pleasure? Do women feel guilty over more things than men? Why?
- Samantha Brett
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 6:30 PM
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How to be more attractive to the opposite sex
Being a singleton these days brings with it the best and the worst of times. There's the good stuff: independence, living alone, being able to shag whenever, whomever, and never having to answer to anyone over who left the milk out or ate the last Tim Tam from the box.
And then there's the not-so-good stuff: no sex on tap, no one to share the mortgage, no one to accompany you to family Easter celebrations or tell you you've been eating too many chocolates.
Either way, the Man Drought topic last week caused quite a stir in both camps. Surely it isn't so? Surely it's our fault there aren't enough singles and has nothing to do with mathematics, the census, or demographers?
In response to the topic, there was a comment from a Sydney reader that posed this question: "Perhaps you should do a blog on 'How to Improve your Life and Become more attractive to the opposite sex'. And no, I don't mean physically only, although a good daily run never hurt anyone. I mean by becoming an interesting and varied person with hobbies, passions and dreams. I see too many people sitting there complaining, yet no one seems to be 'doing' anything ... "
He continued: "Is drinking every weekend really the way to meet someone? What do you have to talk about in a relationship that starts in a bar aside from 'What'll it be, another champagne?' "
Then came a desperate plea via email from another regular blogger: "I need some help here. I need some tips on attracting women. I'm not out for a one-nighter but I'm not ready to get married again either. The whole, 'just be yourself' doesn't seem to work for me. However, I miss that closeness and I'd like to get your opinion on what is it that women are looking for. I'd like to improve my chances of attracting someone."
So here it is. Read on for the Sam and the City guide to becoming more attractive to the opposite sex ...
Stop whinging and get up off your couch. No one has ever met the love of their life by watching Simpsons re-runs on a Saturday night - alone. When singles whinge about their situation and stand in corners looking glum, no fellow singleton (who is sober) is going to waltz up and ask to buy them a drink. Why? Because we're attracted to people who smile, laugh and are confident in their own skin. So stand in the middle of the room, dance by yourself, look in control of your life (especially if you feel you're not) and I guarantee your luck will start to change...
Stop trawling bars Walking around a crowded bar with the stench of spilt beer and too many cigarettes is enough to turn anyone off before they've even set eyes on your new pair of jeans and shiny white shoes. Instead, there are better ways to meet people that don't include drinking yourself into a lull so that your beer goggles make anything on two legs look half decent. Surely if you've learnt anything from this column, it's to make an effort to think outside the box. Take cooking lessons, go salsa dancing, take a course in something you're interested in, go to a bookstore; that's where the likeminded ones (and plenty of hot, sober property) are hanging out.
Get a sense of humour I once dated a guy whom I had to shake every so often in the hope of making him laugh. Ladies and lads, laugh at yourself. I beg you, stop being so serious. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not to be frightened of. Take a quick glance at any Sam and the City poll in regards to what characteristic is most attractive in the opposite sex, and you'll find a sense of humour beats out a tight butt every time.
Run. Dance. Swim. Whatever! Speaking of taut buns, working up a sweat induces endorphins. You feel good, you look good, you get confident and things spiral onwards from there. You don't have to spend hours at the gym (quite frankly that gets rather boring) but 30 minutes a day is all you need to look and feel good. Plus there are a number of hotties at the gym, down at the beach and at the local swimming pool. Don't be shy!
Get a wingman (or woman) Lads, never underestimate the power of a good wingwoman. That's because girls love men who already have women interested in them. It's something in our DNA that makes us thrive on the knowledge that this guy has been pre-screened by one of our own kind. Just make sure she isn't secretly in love with you and is trying to sabotage your game. Or if she is, and you're into her too, then lady-hunting problem is solved.
Smell good Experts claim that men are attracted to women who smell of cinnamon and vanilla, while a liquorice-smelling scent gets the female pheromones going at full speed. Perhaps you might want to do a little baking before you head out the door for a big night out. Just don't spill any on your new shirt ...
What do you think makes someone more attractive to the opposite sex?
- Samantha Brett
- Watch Sam and the City TV: Ep 4 - The Myth Of The Man Drought
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- Posted by Samantha Brett at 7:00 PM
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Does sex still sell?
Every so often we find ourselves in the grasp of a new sexual revolution that shakes the foundations of conservative society.
Such was the case in the 1920s when the flappers defied conventions by donning miniskirts, drinking gin and - shock, horror - cavorting with younger men. (Oh, the shame!)
In the 1950s Hugh Hefner launched his notorious Playboy magazine, propelling sexual imagery, nudity and pornography into the mainstream. (This was decades before the online sphere would make porn as accessible as buying a jar of peanut butter at the supermarket, only you don't even have to leave your house to get it.)
Fast forward to today and our temperatures hardly escalate when nearly nude models are shown on billboards in kid-friendly shopping centres; Madonna and Britney share a prime-time television kiss (tongues included) at the MTV Music Awards; an entirely nude former coke addict advertises a luxury handbag in a glossy magazine; and a bunch of strippers are transformed (rather flawlessly) into a Grammy-nominated pop group.
Missed it? Don't fear. Now you can even turn on your TV on Sunday nights and be privy to the Pussycat Dolls gyrating, poll spinning and booty shaking as they search for the next member of their posse. (Think Australian Idol in hot pants.)
Even the IT industry jumped on the sexual bandwagon with the Screen Goddess IT Calendar, put together to promote IT in schools. (I'm not quite sure how 20 bikini-clad women would lure more women into considering a computing career, but I guarantee it did nothing to deter the blokes from enrolling in the course ... )
Yet with sexual imagery abounding, girl-on-girl action no longer shrug-worthy and sex used to sell everything from cars to God, cheese and toilet paper, one has to wonder: have we become completely immune to it all? Does sex really still sell?
Apparently not.
Author Tom Reichert of The Erotic History of Advertising says it's thanks to a concept known as "habituation", which occurs when sexual imagery and headlines have become so commonplace and predicable they're no longer effective.
And we're seeing the results.
According to CNN, the Playboy empire no longer rakes in the big bucks. Its magazine sales have slowed right down, advertising revenue has dwindled and its domestic TV business has slid by 16 per cent.
The music industry is filled with schoolgirls-turned-sluts, and yet, as CNN reported in a story in 2004 titled Does Sex Still Sell, "Recent mediocre album sales by Spears, Pink and similar artists may reflect a classic case of mismarketing."
Of course the old mantra that sex sells will ring true as long as men think about it and women achieve orgasm from it. But I wonder if we are after more intelligent marketing these days. Or are we still compelled to buy thanks to a few boobs and butts on show ...
What do you guys think? Does sex still sell? What will be next?
PS. Check out this video I found on MySpace. Hilarious stuff! Happy Monday ...
S*x Sells
Add to My Profile | More Videos
- Samantha Brett
- Watch Sam and the City TV: Ep 4 - The Myth Of The Man Drought
- More SMH blogs
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 6:33 PM
- Comments (360)


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Calle Molinos 12
Book this hotel at:
The hotel's own website
The hotel's own website
The Molinos hotel is in the Guiness book of records for being the narrowest hotel in the world. The maximum width of this hotel is 5.2 metres. It has no lift.
It is situated in the heart of the barrio Realejo which is an idea place to stay in Granada. Click here for about the Realejo
The wall art at the side of the hotel was painted by "el niño de las pinturas" who is a famous street artist in Granada
The Alhambra is within easy walking distance although it is uphill. If you prefer you can take the C3 or the C4 to the Alhambra Click here to see more information about these buses.This hotel is 802 metres from the Alhambra entrance, 488 metres from Plaza Nueva (the absolute centre of Granada), 2025 metres from the train station and 3474 metres from the bus station.
Click here to see places of interest within 1KM of Molinos Hotel Granada

subset: commoncrawl


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Parent Teacher Organization at Columbus Christian Academy
Our Mission
The Mission of the Columbus Christian Academy Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) is to enhance and support the educational experience at Columbus Christian Academy, to develop a closer connection between school and home by encouraging parent involvement, and to improve the overall environment at CCA through volunteer and financial support.
PTO Board Members
Amanda Grissom, President
Krystal Murray, Vice President
Lydia Seroux, Secretary
Christie Norwood, Treasurer
Tennille Komulainen, Parent Representative
Tracy Agerton, Teacher Representative
Jenny Hutcherson, Teacher Representative
Amy Bandre, School Supply Coordinator
Tracey Campbell, Fundraiser Coordinator
Celina Farlow, Hospitality Coordinator
Stay Connected
- Join PTO (if you are already in the PTO directory, an email will automatically be sent to you for confirmation of info and the option to join PTO.)
- Join our Facebook Group
- Contact US: email@example.com
Bake Sales


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Smorgasbord of stories - a taste of Waitakere's oral history
Currently on in the exhibition space on Level 2 of the Waitakere Central Library is an exhibition highlighting some of the stories of West Auckland contained in our collection of oral history recordings.
If you are interested in exploring any of these stories in more depth these and other recordings can be listened to in the J T Diamond Reading Room at the West Auckland Research Centre.
Ref: Picnic in Henderson, 1932, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
A menu of sound
Welcome to our smorgasbord. As the name suggests we have a table ready for tasting – a feast to fit all palettes.
Our feast starts with an appetiser, two slices from an interview with Mrs Elizabeth Baillie (nee Malam).
Elizabeth Baillie was born in 1869 and came to the Te Atatu (now Glendene) area in 1879 when she was ten years old. Recorded by a grandson in 1961, this is the oldest interview in the collection and gives insight into life in the late 1800s.
In the first section, Mrs Baillie explains how she and other members of her family would travel to
on a day trip in the 1890s. In the
second section, Mrs Baillie describes the naming of Te Atatu in 1907. Auckland
Ref: Mr and Mrs Higham senior in gig outside house, Huia, 1907, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
Track 1 Taking the bus to
What sort of bus?
A horse bus of course! They hold about twelve or fourteen people comfortably.
And they used to go as far as Avondale did they?
Avondale to
and then they used to come Avondale to New Lynn. Auckland
LISTEN - Elizabeth Baillie (1961). WOH-1040.3 Glen Eden Oral History Collection
Ref: Avondale hotel with bus outside (horse), c1910, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
Track 2 The naming of Te Atatu (formerly
Point) Henderson
What was the place know as in those days? It wasn't called Te Atatu then was it?
It was Henderson Point – they called it.
It was Te Atatu. We had to send it away and get the name to
and get it all fixed up. Wellington
LISTEN - Elizabeth Baillie (1961). WOH-1040.3 Glen Eden Oral History Project.
Ref: Te Atatu from Luckens Road, 1967, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
Track 3 Be Prepared…
Many of you will be familiar with the Scouts motto 'do a good deed every day'. Bill Beveridge, formerly
tells an explosive story of three boy scouts and their good deed. Chief
Ranger Waitakere
Regional Park
LISTEN - Bill Beveridge (2005). WOH-1004
Ref: William Beattie, Huts near Filter Station for Waitakere Dam, 1920s, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, JTD-15A-03400.
Track 4 Huia Dam Loco
Ray Allen worked at a quarry providing rock for the Upper Huia Dam in the 1920s, working on a rotating shift of six days. During this time he lived in the Huia Work Camp, walking out to visit his family at Oratia every two weeks. A great story teller, this locomotive yarn illustrates Ray's sense of humour.
LISTEN - Ray Allen (no date). WOH-1028
Ref: Albert Godber, Engine derailed, 1916, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, JTD-04C-00008.
Ref: Railway engine, 1927, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
Track 5 Working in the winery
Helena Ataya (b.1911) and her brother Najib Corban (b.1909) were recorded in 2003. In these extracts both Helena and Najib reflect on their childhood. In the first slice, you will hear
describing bottling wine at the family
winery. Helena
Then we used to do the labelling by hand. That was before they had a labelling machine, and we had to make sure that the labels were dry before we wrapped the bottles again in crepe paper so that the labels would be clean. Then we would have to pack those bottles in a straw covering and pack them into a twelve container box. And those boxes weighed 56lbs. And when I used to work in the business in the sales part of it, I used to lift those boxes five high! I used to swing them up quiet easily – I had good muscles (laughs).
LISTEN - Helena Ataya (2003). WOH-1002
Ref: K.A. Corban, Preparing wine bottles, Mt Lebanon vineyards, c1930, Private Collection.
Helena's brother Najib Corban talks about catching sprats in the Henderson Creek.
Track 6 Fishing in Henderson Creek
We used to… catch sprats down on the Henderson Creek there below the sale yard. There was a pool there, still there today. We used to swim in that. And the sprats used to come right up to there, kahawai, sometime kingfish would come up. And we used to, Annise [sister], and the doctor brother, he was studying, he used to wake up in the morning about 3 o'clock and we'd all go down and fish the morning, go down and put a net across and catch sprats, Plenty of sprats for the family.
LISTEN - Najib Corban (2003) WOH-1010
Ref: K.A. Corban, Catching sprats, c1920, Private Collection.
The oral history collection contains many stories of fishing – and in particular references to the many creeks in the area. Here are three more fish stories.
Owen Freeman (b.1932) recalls boyhood eeling adventures.
Track 7 Eel fishing
But our greatest love of course was eel and trout fishing. And through the farm ran two streams which were a great source of interest to us – interest and fun and hours of fishing - eel fishing. We never ever ate the eels; we sometimes cooked them but we never ate them because they smelt so horrible. But they were slimy things. But some of the eels were enormous!
LISTEN - Owen Freeman (2002). WOH-1024-1 Ranui Action Project Oral History Collection
Ref: Eels caught in Whatipu Stream, 1922, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, JTD-06K-02952.
Track 8 There was always plenty of fish
What sort of fish did they catch?
Mainly snapper – snapper – and you could go scalloping and all that sort of thing. And floundering. They used to put a flounder net across the creek – across the muddy creek. I don't know that you are allowed to do that now days. Mind you the snapper is a bit hard to find I think – particularly with the sewage ponds – which have gone now, but over at Mangere – they polluted the harbour and even our beach down here. It was pretty terrible. When the tide went out there wasn't anything in the little pools. It was just terrible – when the pollution came.
LISTEN - Beverly Reed (2005) WOH-1018
Ref: Rocks, westside of Puponga, 1957, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
Ref: Olaf Petersen, Fish at Henderson fish and poultry processing factory, 1962, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, JTD-14G-01968.
Track 9 The fish van
Mrs Gossleman used to park her little van outside Lopdell House and she sold the most beautiful fish – and how the poor lady sat in the van with everything on ice… it must have been freezing! And this lady used to dress up. And she used to sell this roughy – orange roughy – and it was just wonderful, it really was, to be able to buy your fish there, because the fish shop had long gone.
LISTEN - Beverly Reed (2005) WLOH 1018
Ref: George Haycock, Hotel Titirangi and signpost, 1930s, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, JTD-10A-02541.
Track 10 Flight at Muriwai
Essie Chapman was teaching at Muriwai Beach in the 1930s. The romance of flight was rippling throughout the world. Pioneer aviators Kingsford Smith and Charles Ulm had recently made the first trans-Tasman crossing in their plane. At this particular time Charles Ulm was travelling
New Zealand
offering joy rides in his plane 'Faith in '. Listen to Mabel telling the story of Charles
Ulm on Australia . Muriwai Beach
LISTEN – Essie Chapman (1988) WOH-1032
Ref: Aircraft on Muriwai Beach, 1934, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, MURI-P.
Ref: Aircraft on Muriwai Beach, 1934, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, MURI-P.
Track 11 Grandpa's Pie Party
Dorothy and Roy Butler purchased and renovated Winchelsea House in Karekare, making it a family haven. Warm and welcoming, the large front lawn has seen many a frolicky group as Roy and Dorothy brought family and friends together. Listen to Dorothy describing Grandpa's Pie Party.
LISTEN - Dorothy Butler (2005) WOH-1003
Ref: Karekare. Radcliffe, Frederick George, 1863-1923 : New Zealand post card negatives. Ref: 1/2-007149-G. Alexander Turnbull Library, Wellington, New Zealand. http://natlib.govt.nz/records/22326096.
Track 12 Tui Glen canoes
Waitakere during WWII, when
was a destination for
American armed forces who were seeking rest and relaxation. Many interviews
recall this time of dances and socials. Murray Becroft (b.1929) shares his
memories of Americans visiting Tui Glen. This interview was a 'walk and talk' -
background sound of wind and traffic can be heard. New Zealand
The Tui Glen Landing – now, there used to be canoes and dinghies and what-have-you on the creek here - then let out by Mr Brooks. And then of course in 1942 or thereabouts, the Americans came here. It was a favourite picnic place. They used to come out here with their girls, hire the canoes and dinghies, go down the creek, go up on the bank. Now of course those young fellas was on the Creek, 10, 11 and 12 and so on … and we used to find these canoes on the bank and we used to gently pull them out into the creek, row further down letting them all off and pick them all up as we came back again and come up back up here and get a shilling each for them.
LISTEN - Murray Becroft (1993) WOH-1031
Ref: Frank Morris, Boating near Tui Glen, 1930s, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries, FMO-039-00018-G.
Track 13 The Orchard
During his walking tour Murray Becroft described the area in which he grew up and his job of protecting the orchard.
The orchard being handy to Tui Glen – we used to have a lot of stealing – a lot of raiding on the orchard. My father gave me a 22 with blank cartridges and my job was to patrol the orchard with these blank cartridges.
LISTEN - Murray Becroft (1993) WOH-1031
Ref: Baby Austin car, 1930, West Auckland Research Centre, Auckland Libraries.
Track 14 Childhood summers
John Munro (b.1938) brings us our last taste sensation for this smorgasbord, with this delightful childhood memory
When I drive through there now and see all the houses on either side of the road – gosh, I can remember standing there on the intersection of Ranui Station Road and Swanson Road on a Sunday, there'd be no traffic at all. Even during the week there'd be very little traffic, there'd be no traffic at all, but it would be so quiet on a hot sunny day that all you could hear would be in the distance would be Rupert Cook's cows lowing and you could hear the cracking of the pine cones as the hot sun burst them open and all the seeds would come down. That would be the only sound that you could hear and just the crinkle of the grass, the long grass in the sun. It used to be so isolated; it was quite a tranquil place in those days and I can see why they called it Ranui because Ranui, from the Maori, is "plenty of sun".
LISTEN - John Munro (2002). WOH-1024.2. Ranui Action Project Oral History Collection
Ref: Munro family home, c1950, John Munro Private Collection.
Author: Liz Bradley, West Auckland Research Centre


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In the few minutes I have set aside to think of what I want to share, three people have called to ask to meet with me, my calendar has reminded me where I must be by my design today, and I am already late for another appointment. Sound familiar to you? Probably. For most of us our lives seem to rush forward from one obligation, opportunity, or responsibility to the next. With them, sunrise gives way to sunset and starts over again. Life becomes a blur and we satisfy ourselves to take each thing as it comes, often deciding who we will be and what we will do in each moment as we are faced with it. We show up for our next appointment, perform the task we are called upon to perform, and go on. Sometimes we go on with celebrations. Sometimes we face the hardest challenges of our lives – family members who lay dying; loved ones facing battles of all kinds; the loneliness of grieving one who has always been there and now is gone in death – you know as little as I what the next moment may bring. Very little in our lives seems constant. Does anything last?
But as I look at my calendar I am reminded that Easter is coming. True, it means more things to do and places to be. But it means something much different as well. Amid a world of constant change and endless demands Easter calls us to remember that some things do remain. Donald Harvey Tippet brings this into focus for us:
If Easter means anything to modern man, it means that eternal truth is eternal. You may nail it to the tree, wrap it up in grave clothes, and seal it in a tomb. But truth crushed to earth shall rise again. Truth does not perish. It cannot be destroyed. It may be distorted. It has been silenced temporarily. It has been compelled to carry its cross to Calvary's brow or to drink the cup of poisoned hemlock in a Grecian jail, but with an inevitable certainty after every Black Friday dawns truth's Easter morn.
As Easter approaches I invite you to step back from life's rush for just a moment. Whatever your days have brought you – whether it is the celebration of new life and the joy of single moments in time or the struggle of Black Friday where, in your pain, you question everything around you. Remember, eternal truth is exactly that, eternal. Life may attack it, and us as well, with all the force the events of our days can muster but the eternal truth of Easter cannot be destroyed. It will rise again. After every Black Friday dawns truth's Easter sunrise.
Oh, and speaking of Easter morning, why not join your brothers and sisters in Christ in celebrating Eternal Truth with us at worship on Easter morning. And invite someone who may not know the Eternal Truth to come with you. Tell them you will take them to breakfast or buy their lunch. You will be amazed at how easily they will say, Yes. And we will all watch darkness give way to the dawning of Resurrection as we gather in different towns and places – some inside, others outside. But together [even in different locations] we can witness to the world around us the certainty that remains - Because Jesus the Christ - Eternal Truth lives, so will we! Amid a world of constant change this one Truth remains. Thanks be to God.
Kevin McKinney
Sr. Pastor


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Book Rental Scheme
The College operates a book rental scheme for all Junior and Leaving Certificate students. Under this scheme students can rent all their school books for a set fee each year. Books are given to students in 1st year and returned at the end of 3rd Year. Unusually, Davis College also operates a book rental scheme for Senior Cycle. As with Junior Cycle, books are given to students in 4th year and they are expected to return them at the end of 6th year. There is an expectation students will treat books with respect and return them in good condition.
The book rental scheme represents value for money and reduces the expenditure for parents each year.


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Welcome to The X Universe.
Feel free to join in the community here at TXU and ask as many questions as you need about any topics found within the scope of this site.
Joining the community will mean far more opportunities to participate with the features of the site, and is free for all to join.
With the release of Xtended Terran Conflict at 07:30 GMT yesterday morning (20th December 2010), the XTC mod hit the wide world properly. With a few weeks of anticipation building up, including the release of the manual, and the magnificient trailer that Mishra put together, the buzz around TXU was noticeable... followed by the lull as hundreds of players began experiencing the X Universe... Xtended style.
The mod was released initially as a torrent download with the aim to prevent
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Updated 21-12-2010 at 07:58 PM by Mokonzi
Hello everyone,
My name is Lukas and you'll probably know me as "enenra" or "DSE". I do various things in different areas for the X-Tended - Terran Conflict modification: Creating new textures and skins, sometimes modelling (though mostly not comparable to our other modellers! ), working on various other visual improvements, occasionally helping out in the Mission Director department but my biggest task was and still is creating the lore and setting for the
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- The Origins
Let us start with the intro.. I was born on a cold winter's night in a log cabin deep in the woods. Erm, no, wait, that's Lincoln. Actually, it all started out back in the days when X-Tended mod for X3:Reunion reached it's seventh iteration - 0.7a. Back then, I got hooked on the mod as a player - I thoroughly enjoyed the increased difficulty, the multitude of ships and the extensive changes to the weaponry.
Fast forward to the summer of this year, when,
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By now you should have read my original post on the beginnings of XTC and how it almost didn't happen. So what happened once we did actually have a new mod to plan?
First of all we had a few decisions to make. Did we want to port XTM exactly as it is and to continue to develop it from there, or did we want to use the assets from the old mod to help create something completely new?
XTM added a lot of new ships to X3: Reunion, and most of the functions, plots and missions
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Most of you will have been following the development of XTC since we first announced publicly that we were creating the mod. Waiting for the news posts, or reading the small teaser stories we released, you have slowly gained a few ideas about the mod and what you can hope to see in it.
But what happened before the first news announcement? How did it all start? Was it really a foregone conclusion that XTC would appear?
I shall answer the third question first. No, XTC almost
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Updated 12-05-2010 at 09:59 AM by Aragon Speed


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According to D. Lgs. 196/03, the data collected will be used only to inform about the activities and initiatives of Stilnovo S.r.l. and will not be disclosed to third parties. The conferment of data is optional, but without personal information will not be possible to provide the services requested. The interested party may exercise its rights under Art. 7, D. Lgs. 196/03. The holder of the treatment is Stilnovo S.r.l. - Via della Siderurgia 1 - 37139 - VERONA (VR), Italy.
Tag: Italian design Italian excellence Italy Made in Italy Style bedroom chandelier ceiling chandeliers ceiling lamps chandelier living room chandeliers chandeliers 50 years chandeliers for bedrooms classic chandeliers design chandeliers kitchen chandelier sale chandeliers suspended chandeliers suspended chandeliers vintage chandeliers


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Paid blogging that is!
I just signed up with payperpost and was surprised to get an approval after just a few minutes.
Actually, this has been my second time to sign up with them. The first time was last September but didn't get approved. I learned though that it's easier to sign up now so I tried my luck the second time around. It was true indeed! I didn't have to wait for an email confirmation. It was approved almost instantly.
I tried paid blogging a few months back but got hooked up with other things so this took a back seat for a while. But now that I'm back in the groove for blogging, I decided to get back on my blogging "career" as well. I would be very happy with the extra treats I'll be getting from paid blogging. I could use these for my trinkets and some indulgence :)
I've also signed up with other paid blogging before but what makes PPP better is that you got to choose the topic that you want to write about. You can choose only those that interest you. You will not only earn by writing topics that is of interest but you'd get to learn from the information that's available from the web.
I'm just so excited about it and I'm hoping to have the time to diligently attend to this night job.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
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To stay updated and informed Please kindly assist in sharing our post
The University of Lagos (UNILAG) School Fees Schedule for 2018/2019 Academic Session has been released.
The UNILAG Tuition for the session along with other fees have been broken down in this post for both fresh and returning students. The list also includes the UNILAG Postgraduate School fees.
UNILAG ICE [Partime/Evening Programme School Fees Schedule
The School Fees is within the neighbourhood of One hundred and twenty-four thousand Naira Only (N124,000). Students can split the payment into two parts to enable them gather the rest school fees before the end of the session. The payment is per session, that is once in every year.
UNILAG Fresh Undergraduate School Fees Schedule
Best Viewed On A DeskTop Device.
1. Lab. Services is to be paid by:
a. All Science Students,
b. All Science Education Students
c. All Engineering Students
d. All Language Students (Arts & Education)
2. Late Registration Fees attracts appropriate penalties
3. Loss of I. D. CardN2,000
4. Please pay your charges at any branch of the following Banks Nationwide
a. Access Bank
b. Ecobank
c. First Bank
d. Guaranty Trust Bank
e. Union Bank of Nig.
f. WEMA Bank
g. United Bank for Africa
h. Zenith Bank
Those are the school fees schedule for both UNILAG undergraduates and postgraduates for the 2018/2019 session.
If you have any question, or any assistance or any request whatsoever, you are free to ask us below in our comment box section


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Congratulations on your acceptance to Penn State! Your next four years as a Nittany Lion are bound to be challenging yet rewarding, and above all, unforgettable. But before you embark on your collegiate journey at Penn State, you'll need to take care of a few logistical matters.
Your first step is accepting your offer of admission. May 1 was the deadline for most students to accept their offers, although that date may be flexible at some of our campus locations (not University Park). Next, the Office of Global Programs will work with you to arrange for shipment of your I-20 to your desired address. This process is handled electronically and may take a few weeks; be sure to keep an eye on the e-mail address with which you submitted your admissions application. Please see our blog post on next steps for international admitted students for more information on securing your I-20 and visa.
Once your visa arrangements are in order, you will be ready to arrive on campus. Our International Student Orientation programs are held at each campus. Specific dates and activities will vary by campus. For this reason, it's important to check your e-mail account often, as notification about the International Student Orientation will arrive via e-mail.
Incoming students at University Park will attend either summer orientation or fall orientation, depending on which term you have been offered admission. Again, you'll be notified via e-mail of your orientation date and schedule. The Office of Global Programs organizes the International Student Orientation programs at University Park. Summer 2013 International Student Orientation will take place June 22-25, while the fall program will be held in mid-August. More information about orientation at University Park can be found on the Office of Global Programs website: http://www.global.psu.edu/international_students/orientation.cfm.
For incoming students at campuses other than University Park, you'll receive an e-mail about your fall orientation date. In the meantime, you may contact the international student representative at your campus for more information: http://www.global.psu.edu/international_students/campus_contacts.cfm.
Please note that U.S. citizens and permanent residents educated abroad are welcome to attend International Student Orientation, although it is not mandatory.
Whether it is during the summer or fall, at University Park or another campus location, we look forward to seeing you here. Safe travels—and welcome to Penn State!
– Audrey


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Pickuptrucks.com recently conducted a survey to measure some preferences and opinions that are key to truck owners/buyers.
Sounds pretty routine, right? Not so fast.
This survey seems to offer a rather unique point of reference in which truck owners were asked how their truck ranks in importance compared to things like wives, dogs, sex, and homes.
There were also some more predictable topics like demographics and owner loyalty.
Read on to see the results. Surprised? Where does your rig rank?


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I'm terrible bad at taking pictures during visits (anything but quilting projects really), but we had a little photo séance the day we left (the one in turquoise would be me). Family photo time is always good for a few laughs. My mom and daughter probably have a few more from the visit, and at this digital day and age they are fortunately easy to share.
And off we were; new planes, trains and automobiles...
Sunday, 11 July 2010
Pictures from the Mother ship
Posted by Nina Lise@Mrs Moen at 14:07
Labels: stuff
8 comments:
Very nice pix of your family! It looks like you're all having FUN!ReplyDelete
Wonderful photos! It's nice to see your smiling faces!ReplyDelete
You are all so adorable!!! I'm glad it was a nice visit. It's good to get you all in the pictures - your grandson will appreciate them for years to come. Piece.....ReplyDelete
What a beautiful family you are all together! Your grandson is just toooo cute! Thanks for sharing xReplyDelete
What a lovely set of photos, everybody looks happy and your grandson looks a real star.ReplyDelete
Love the photos....everyone looks so joyful to be together.ReplyDelete
Your family looks so wonderfully happy - thanks for showing us your photos!! I didn't expect those tans!!!ReplyDelete
- Anonymous12 July 2010 at 19:37
Oh, love that little boys laughing face! You look so much like your dad!ReplyDelete
xox Corrine
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- Size: W 14" H 60"
- Finish: Satin Nickel
- Frame Material: Metal
- Shade Finish/Color: White
- Shade Material: Fabric
- Family: Portable Lamps
- Bulb Wattage: 100 watt.
- Number of Bulbs: 1 Light
- Bulb Base: Medium
- Country of origin: China
- Bulbs Included: No
- Energy Star: No
- Energy Saver: No
Manufacturer Detail
|Since 1987, Z-Lite has been creating a beautiful array of quality interior and exterior residential lighting to enhance your space. The Z-Lite collection includes a wide selection of crystal chandeliers, chandelier families, billiard lighting, cast aluminium outdoor lighting, and tiffany families, all beautifully designed to suit a wide range of styles, from traditional to contemporary. Not only does Z-Lite excel at providing exquisite design and functionality, but accomplishes this while maintaining exceptional quality through the use of superior materials and fittings that stand the test of time. Z-Lite backs its products with top notch customer service and is committed to exceeding customer expectations.