text:
A remote bus shelter. Night.
Orson is asleep in the shelter, gently snoring. A copy of Newton's Principia rests on his lap.
Enter DOUGLAS. He is wearing a dinner jacket and carrying a briefcase.
Douglas steps into the shelter, looks at his watch.
Douglas sits next to Orson. He sees the book in his lap and picks it up.
After a quick flick through the Principia, he decides the book is not for him and replaces it.
DOUGLAS: A fine night. A fine bloody night. Probably the finest night there's been in a long time. But then, what do I know about nights?
Douglas looks at Orson.
DOUGLAS: So what have we here? A vagrant? A fugitive from the law? Or just another pisshead?
Douglas nudges Orson in the ribs.
DOUGLAS: Oi. Wake up.
Orson wakes up.
DOUGLAS: I was just saying what a fine night it is.
ORSON: You nudged me.
DOUGLAS: It's restful here, isn't it? You can stare at the stars and the stars will stare right back at you and neither of you need give a damn about the other. The Universe goes about its business; you go about yours.
ORSON: You've been looking at my book.
DOUGLAS: Never understood why God created so many stars. Seems unnecessary. One or two, I wouldn't mind. I'd be fine with that. But billions? That's just showing off.
ORSON: You looked at my note book and then you nudged me. There's a name for people like you.
DOUGLAS: And what name would that be?
ORSON: I don't know.
DOUGLAS: Just think of the effort God put into making all those stars. Must have taken him ages. If he'd spent a little less time making the sky pretty and concentrated on what he was going to put beneath it, the world wouldn't be in the mess it is today. That's the trouble with God – no sense of priorities.
ORSON: Are you a religious man?
DOUGLAS: God, no.
ORSON: Then why do you keep going on about God?
DOUGLAS: I don't.
ORSON: Since you rudely awoke me, you've mentioned God three times.
DOUGLAS: Have I? I hadn't noticed. Strange that. I've always been a committed atheist.
ORSON: God and the bloody stars.
DOUGLAS: What have the stars to do with it?
ORSON: You asked why God created so many of them.
DOUGLAS: Why would I do that? I've no interest in the stars. Can't see the point of the bloody things.
ORSON: Would you prefer an empty sky?
DOUGLAS: Now there's a thought. Unending darkness going on for ever and ever. I'd be comfortable with that.
ORSON: You've something against the stars?
DOUGLAS: The thing I hate about stars is that they encourage people to dream and I don't think that's a healthy thing.
ORSON: The world needs dreamers.
DOUGLAS: And what use are dreamers? What we need are more thinkers – people who deal with life as it is. Dreamers are trouble. Look at that Hitler chap for instance. Dreamt of a thousand year Reich. Made a right mess of things.
With a yawn, Orson looks at his watch.
ORSON: Have you got the time? I'm not sure this watch is working. It was made in Singapore.
Douglas checks his watch.
DOUGLAS: Damned thing's stopped.
ORSON: The last bus…
DOUGLAS: Went hours ago. You've missed it.
ORSON: Good.
DOUGLAS: I hate buses. You may have noticed there's quite a few things I hate – stars, watches, buses.
ORSON: And God.
DOUGLAS: I don't hate God. When did I say I hate God? I probably would if I thought he existed, but I don't. Do you know what my biggest hate is? The thing I hate above all others?
ORSON: Cellophane wrapping. I've yet to meet anyone who doesn't hate cellophane wrapping.
DOUGLAS: The descant recorder. Torture in a tube. Must have been invented by a madman. Why parents give them to their children, I'll never know. So far as I can tell, the descant recorder has only two purposes. One is to annoy the crap out of people. The other is to serve as a repository for spit.
ORSON: They make good pea shooters.
DOUGLAS: Never mind landmines and chemical weapons. If the United Nations wants to make the world a better place by banning things, they should start with the descant fucking recorder.
ORSON: They always play Frère Jacques. Have you noticed that?
DOUGLAS: And the only time anyone plays Frère Jacques is on the descant recorder.
ORSON: London's Burning. That's another one.
DOUGLAS (testily): Yes, yes! No need to labour the point. All I'm saying is that there's nothing I hate more than the descant recorder. Now let's leave it at that. I don't wish to discuss the matter further.
ORSON: Are you going to be here long?
DOUGLAS: What the hell business is it of yours? You think you own this shelter?
ORSON: Don't get me wrong. I didn't mean to imply that I want you to go away. I've no objection to your presence here. Quite the opposite. I'm glad of the company.
DOUGLAS: So you should be. I'm very good company.
ORSON: You can stay as long as you like as far as I'm concerned.
DOUGLAS: That's good of you.
ORSON: It's just that I'm waiting for a young lady. I have an assignation.
DOUGLAS: At this time of night? You'll forgive me for saying so, but I rather think you've been stood up. What time is this young lady of yours meant to be here?
ORSON: Tonight.
DOUGLAS: When exactly?
ORSON: We didn't settle on a precise time. She'll be here before the first bus comes.
DOUGLAS: I wouldn't count on it. Women are invariably late. They have a pathological fear of being on time.
ORSON: Is that so? I hadn't realised.
DOUGLAS: You astound me. A certain inbuilt tardiness is a prime characteristic of the female of the species. I thought everyone knew that.
ORSON: Not me. When it comes to women, I know precious little.
DOUGLAS: What are you? A eunuch?
ORSON: A mathematician.
DOUGLAS: Now there's a funny thing. As soon as I set eyes on you, I thought to myself, 'Hello. What do we have here then? Looks like a mathematician.' And I was right. Of course, I did first consider that you might be a vagrant, a fugitive or a pisshead but there was something about you that just screamed 'mathematician'.
ORSON: The book's a dead giveaway.
DOUGLAS: I'd hate to be a mathematician. I've known a few in my time and they've all been virgins. Nothing against virgins but what's the point of them?
ORSON: I can state quite categorically that I am not a virgin.
DOUGLAS: Good for you! Virginity's not a healthy thing. It causes mental disorders – and spots. Hitler was a virgin. Did you know that? I bet he was as spotty as hell underneath all that make-up. Thankfully, I lost my cherry to my French teacher when I was thirteen. That's why I'm so sane and grounded.
ORSON: If your French teacher was anything like mine, it must have been a wonderful experience.
DOUGLAS: Would have been better if he'd been a woman, but you can't have everything.
An awkward silence ensues.
DOUGLAS: So when did you lose your cherry? At school was it? A furtive fumbling behind the bike sheds which led to something more?
ORSON: In all the time I was at school, I never once went behind the bike sheds.
DOUGLAS: Not even for a smoke?
ORSON: I've never smoked. I did consider having a cigarette straight after I lost my virginity, but none were available.
DOUGLAS: You seem to be avoiding the question. I've no interest in what you did or didn't do after your first taste of the forbidden fruit. I just want to know when it happened.
Orson looks at his watch.
ORSON: If this watch is right, it was just under six hours ago.
DOUGLAS: Six hours? Do you mean to tell me you've spent your whole adult life without ever once getting your end away?
ORSON: Up until about six hours ago.
DOUGLAS: Well, that explains your complexion.
ORSON: Of course, this watch could be wrong.
DOUGLAS: So what was it like? Was it all you'd ever dreamt it would be? Or was it a let down as tends to be the case?
ORSON: I'd rather not say. It's a private matter.
DOUGLAS: Was she a screamer? Did she cry out with every thrust? Or was she more restrained than that? Perhaps she just groaned?
ORSON: It would be ungentlemanly of me to go into details.
DOUGLAS: Ungentlemanly, my arse. You're a bloke. Half the fun of parking the pink Rolls Royce in the hairy garage is bragging about it afterwards.
ORSON: I don't like to brag.
DOUGLAS: Bragging is an essential part of the mating ritual. What was she like? A raver? Was she drunk? I bet she was a bit of a dog. No offence, but I can't see you pulling anything that wouldn't look better with a bag over its head.
ORSON: She charged me fifty pounds. I only had thirty on me. So I paid the balance with my credit card.
DOUGLAS: Fifty pounds? You did say fifty pounds? That's a bit steep.
ORSON: That's what I thought, but as I'd no previous experience in these matters, I was hardly in a position to argue. And I didn't begrudge her the money. Making love to strangers can't be easy.
DOUGLAS: Nothing to it. Close your eyes. Open your legs. Think of England.
ORSON: All the same, it's not a nice way to make a living.
DOUGLAS: Fifty quid! I tell you what, my son, you were done good and proper. Next time you fancy getting your leg over, take yourself down to Harwell Street. Number forty-seven. Ring the bell twice. Say you've come to read the gas meter.
ORSON: And ask for Rosa.
DOUGLAS: Bloody Hell! Rosa! I might have known. She's got a nerve charging you fifty quid.
ORSON: I suspect Rosa's not her real name.
DOUGLAS: The cheating, lying, two-faced little slut. I've told her before about ripping off the punters. That kind of thing gives prostitution a bad name.
ORSON: You know Rosa?
DOUGLAS: Know her? I own her! Got the whole of Harwell Street sewn up, I have. When I took over, that place had a terrible reputation. People were getting fleeced left, right and centre. I thought I'd put a stop to all that.
ORSON: Perhaps she made an honest mistake.
DOUGLAS: If it wasn't for me, those girls would still be freezing their arses off behind the gasworks. And I've always been a good employer. You ask any of my bitches. They'll tell you I'm the best pimp any tart could ask for. Never took more than a minimal commission – barely enough to cover my expenses. Fifty quid! It makes my blood boil.
ORSON: I'll know better next time.
DOUGLAS: I feel bad about this. Really I do.
ORSON: It's not your fault.
DOUGLAS: But it is my fault! I'm responsible for the behaviour of my girls. As their employer, I have a duty to see that they act in a fair, ethical and professional manner. The Johns must get a fair deal. I'm going to make this up to you, really I am.
ORSON: There's no need.
DOUGLAS: There's every need. You've been cheated and I have a moral obligation to put things right. Supposing… (considers his options) supposing I kill her?
ORSON: I'd settle for a refund.
DOUGLAS: Bless you, sir. You're a kind man. A kind, forgiving man. If everyone was as sweet as you, this world would be a better place. But they're not, are they? You're a lamb floundering in a sea of sharks. And that's why I can't let Rosa off lightly. You can see that, can't you? I have to make an example of her.
ORSON: If you killed her, you'd be losing an asset.
DOUGLAS: I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face, but what else can I do?
ORSON: Couldn't you just beat her up?
DOUGLAS: Good thinking. I like that idea. But I have a better one. How about if you did it? That would be more fitting.
ORSON: I'm not sure I could.
DOUGLAS: I'd hold her down for you. You'll soon get the hang of it. Please say you'll do it, sir. I'd feel so much better.
ORSON: This means a lot to you, doesn't it?
DOUGLAS: It does, sir. It does.
ORSON: I can see you're in pain.
DOUGLAS: I am. I am.
ORSON: Very well. If you hold her down, I'll give her a bloody good kicking.
DOUGLAS: Oh, that's so kind of you. You're a real gent, you are. I'm glad we've got that settled. We'll sort her out tomorrow. Shall we say 2pm?
ORSON: Three would be better.
DOUGLAS: Three o'clock it is then. Let's shake on it.
They shake hands.
DOUGLAS: My name's Douglas by the way.
ORSON: Orson.
DOUGLAS: So what's it like being a mathematician, Orson?
ORSON: Dull, Douglas. Very dull.
DOUGLAS: I can imagine. It must be a bit like being an accountant.
ORSON: I expect so.
DOUGLAS: My brother was an accountant. Possibly the most boring man in the world. And I don't mean that unkindly. I loved that guy like – well, like a brother. It broke my heart to have to kill him. I wept for days afterwards.
ORSON: I can see why you'd be upset. But – if it's not a personal question – why exactly did you kill him?
DOUGLAS: Caught him fiddling my books. Ironic really – considering that's what I paid him for. Only he was meant to fiddle them in my favour, not his. I bet you've never met a murderer before, have you?
ORSON: Well, actually…
DOUGLAS: People like murderers. Have you noticed that? They find us fascinating. I expect it's because we represent something in themselves – something innate and primal – which they daren't unleash. I've lost count of the number of people who've told me that knowing I'm a killer has changed their lives. We're a form of therapy for all the dull grey people out there who are too scared to take life by the balls. There'll come a day when the newspapers declare murder the new rock'n'roll.
ORSON: There's something magic about this bus shelter. I meet the most interesting people here.
DOUGLAS: Ever thought about doing a bit of killing yourself? It would do wonders for your self-esteem. Instead of apologising for being a mathematician, you'd be able to look people in the eye and say, 'I am a killer'. You'd never be stuck for something to talk about at dinner parties.
ORSON: I don't go to dinner parties.
DOUGLAS: I expect a man of your intellect finds them a bit dull.
ORSON: I'm never invited.
DOUGLAS: Well that's my whole point, isn't it? One quick murder and – bang! – you're a celebrity. People will be begging you to grace their table.
ORSON: To be honest with you, Douglas, I don't see myself as the murdering type.
DOUGLAS: We're all the murdering type. That's what makes us human.
ORSON: Besides, who would I kill?
DOUGLAS: Does it matter? The world's full of potential victims, Orson. Go out and pick one.
ORSON: It would have to be someone I knew – at least to start with.
DOUGLAS: If you need a few pointers, I'd be delighted to oblige.
Orson stands up and looks to left and right.
DOUGLAS: Still no sign of her? Tough luck, old chum.
ORSON: She'll come. If you'd been there last night you wouldn't doubt it for a second. There was this real chemistry between us. A spark.
DOUGLAS: Love at first sight?
ORSON: To begin with I barely noticed her. We chatted about this and that but it was only to pass the time. I actually felt like telling her to piss off. But then she showed me how she killed her husband!
DOUGLAS: How she what?
ORSON: Killed her husband.
DOUGLAS: She's a murderess? Oh my dear Orson, what a dark horse you are! And there was me rabbiting on about being the first killer you've ever met. It never occurred to me that you might actually be dating one. There's more to you than meets the eye.
ORSON: I wasn't trying to deceive you.
DOUGLAS: Of course not! I didn't think that for a moment. You'd have told me straight away if I'd let you get a word in edgeways. It's my own fault for being so full of myself. I'm going to have to learn some humility one of these days.
ORSON: If truth be told, I don't think of her as a killer.
DOUGLAS: And that's as it should be. Never forget she's a woman first and a killer second. Do that and you won't go wrong.
ORSON: Her husband's her only victim so far.
DOUGLAS: It's not a number's game, Orson. All you need to qualify as a murderer is one murder. Simple as that.
ORSON: I wouldn't like it if she went on killing. It's good that she murdered her husband – otherwise we'd never have met – but I don't think she should do any more.
DOUGLAS: Then be firm with her. You put your foot down and tell her her killing days are over. From now on, she's to stick to doing the housework and making babies.
ORSON: I don't like babies. And it's going to be hard to settle into a life of domesticity with the police on our tail.
DOUGLAS: She could assume a new identity.
ORSON: But I love her the way she is. I want us to go on the run together. Maybe rob a few banks here and there.
DOUGLAS: Like Bonnie and Clyde!
ORSON: Or Butch and Sundance.
DOUGLAS: You know, I like you, Orson. I really do. And it's not often I say that to anyone. You've got ambition. You've got spunk. Hard to believe you're a mathematician.
ORSON: Of course, it will mean an early death for us. One morning, we'll wake up to find ourselves surrounded by armed police. We'll have no choice but to shoot our way out.
DOUGLAS: You'll be ripped apart in a hail of bullets.
ORSON: We'll be famous.
DOUGLAS: You'll go out roaring like lions.
ORSON: Years from now they'll be making films and writing songs about us.
DOUGLAS: Splendid stuff. I wish I had your courage. Unfortunately, I'm cursed with a streak of cowardice a mile wide – not to mention a pathological drive towards self-preservation. If I so much as suspect that the police are on to me, that's it – I'm gone. South America here I come.
ORSON: I'd prefer the North Pole.
DOUGLAS: To each his own. I like a bit of sun myself. Can't stand the cold. Beginning to wish I'd worn a coat. Hadn't realised it was so chilly.
ORSON: You shouldn't be out dressed like that. I'm all right – I'm amazingly warm blooded. But you look frozen.
DOUGLAS: I'll survive. Another twenty minutes and I can go home. I only live down the road.
ORSON: In the big house on the hill? Sunny Oaks?
DOUGLAS: That's the one.
ORSON: I've often wondered who lived there. Beats me why you'd want to come out on a night like this.
DOUGLAS: Just killed the wife. No one wants to stay at home with a corpse, do they?
ORSON: So you're on the run as well?
DOUGLAS: Not a bit of it. As soon as I'd done for the old girl I called in certain business acquaintances. They're what are known in the parlance of the underworld as removal experts. By the time they've finished, there won't be the slightest hint of anything untoward. And then I can go back and get my head down.
ORSON: And your wife?
DOUGLAS: It'll be as if she'd never existed. These guys are the best in the business. They did such a good job with my brother my parents think I'm an only child.
ORSON: Amazing.
DOUGLAS: Pity your lady friend didn't avail herself of their services. But then I don't suppose she could afford it. These guys don't come cheap.
ORSON: I can imagine.
DOUGLAS: A fine night, isn't it? Not a cloud to be seen anywhere. Pity there's no moon though. I do enjoy a good moon.
ORSON (pointing skywards): Isn't that the moon over there?
DOUGLAS: Where? (squints at the sky) Oh yes. I think I see what you're pointing at. You reckon that's the moon then?
ORSON: It's pretty unmistakable.
DOUGLAS: To you maybe. But I don't often go out at night. It's been years since I last saw the moon. So that's what it's like these days. It's changed a bit, hasn't it?
ORSON: Not so far as I can tell.
Douglas gets up and walks around. He rubs his hands to warm them.
DOUGLAS: Did I mention you've missed the last bus?
ORSON: Yes.
DOUGLAS: Did I also mention I think your lady friend's stood you up?
ORSON: She'll be here before sunrise.
DOUGLAS: I hope so, Orson. I really do. You're a nice guy and you deserve all the happiness a loving relationship can bring.
Douglas glances down the road.
DOUGLAS: Hello. Who's this? It looks like your lady friend hasn't let you down after all.
Overjoyed, Orson leaps to his feet.
ORSON: I knew she wouldn't.
DOUGLAS: What is she wearing? It looks like some kind of uniform.
Enter Cawthorne.
DOUGLAS: Oh, it's you, Cawthorne. I might have known. How the devil are you doing?
CAWTHORNE: Hello, Douglas. You're up early.
DOUGLAS: Just killed the wife.
CAWTHORNE: You finally got around to it then?
DOUGLAS: I kept putting it off, hoping she'd get better, but in the end I had no choice.
CAWTHORNE: I'm sorry to hear that. I would have liked to have met her some time.
DOUGLAS: Issued many tickets today?
CAWTHORNE: No. I seem to have gone car blind.
DOUGLAS: Car blind?
CAWTHORNE: I think I've seen so many cars that my mind has started to filter them out. It's like the ticking of a clock. After a while, you just don't hear it any more.
DOUGLAS: Sounds like you need a holiday. I suppose I should introduce you to my new friend.
CAWTHORNE: We met last night. You watch out for him. He's a pervert. A regular little sex fiend.
DOUGLAS: Is he really? He kept that one to himself. I tell you, Cawthorne, this guy's full of surprises.
CAWTHORNE: He's a mathematician. I can't abide mathematicians.
DOUGLAS: Orson's not like other mathematicians.
CAWTHORNE: Oh. And in what way is he different?
DOUGLAS: For a start, he's not a virgin.
CAWTHORNE: Get away! You're pulling my leg.
DOUGLAS: Take a look for yourself. You can see he's not a virgin.
CAWTHORNE: He was last night.
DOUGLAS: Not any more. He's been to Harwell Street.
CAWTHORNE: Must be a pataphysicist then.
DOUGLAS: Possibly. I hadn't thought of that.
CAWTHORNE: Perhaps he can explain what's happened to all the cars.
DOUGLAS: It's worth a try.
CAWTHORNE: Hey, you! Mathematician! Where have all the cars gone?
ORSON: I'm sure they're out there somewhere.
CAWTHORNE: Take a look around, you smart-arse. Do you see a single car anywhere?
ORSON: Absence of evidence is not the same as evidence of absence.
CAWTHORNE (to Douglas): He doesn't half talk a load of bollocks, doesn't he?
DOUGLAS: It's one of his many talents.
CAWTHORNE: Anyway, can't stand here chatting. Things to do and all that. See you around some time.
DOUGLAS: Take care now.
Exit Cawthorne.
DOUGLAS: So how long have you been a pervert?
ORSON: I'm not sure that I am.
DOUGLAS: Oh come now. No need to be modest. If you can't be a murderer, be a pervert – that's what I always say.
ORSON: You don't want to pay any attention to Cawthorne. He thinks I'm a pervert because I'm writing a mathematical and geometric analysis of the Kama Sutra.
DOUGLAS: Sounds fascinating.
ORSON: Would you like to see it some time?
DOUGLAS: No.
ORSON: It's taken me ten years so far and I'm not even halfway through.
DOUGLAS: Does it have pictures?
ORSON: Only diagrams.
DOUGLAS: Oh.
ORSON: My next book's going to be a monologue on the vector paths of knives used in murders.
DOUGLAS: What does that mean?
ORSON: Well, there are many different ways to stab someone.
DOUGLAS: You astound me.
ORSON: For instance, you can stab someone in a straight line which is the shortest distance between two points. Or else you can describe an arc through the air.
DOUGLAS: A sort of up and under?
ORSON: In layman's terms.
DOUGLAS: Sounds very inefficient. Me, I'm a straight in and out man. No messing about.
ORSON: Is that how you killed your wife?
DOUGLAS: As it happens.
ORSON: Perpendicular or horizontal?
DOUGLAS: I don't follow.
ORSON: Did you bring the knife down or did you thrust it forward?
DOUGLAS: Oh, I see what you mean. Now let me think about this. She was lying face down on the bed in her favourite night gown. It's made of Chinese silk covered in dragons. She looked exquisite.
ORSON: So basically your thrust would have been downwards?
DOUGLAS: More or less. I can't be sure of the exact angle though.
ORSON: Did you twist the knife once it had entered her?
DOUGLAS: No need. She died immediately. Got her right in the heart. She wouldn't have felt a thing. Like I say – straight in and straight out again.
ORSON: I propose that all knife attacks can be placed into one of three categories – thrust, hack and slash. Of course, there's bound to be some overlap.
DOUGLAS: Thrust I can see. But what's the difference between hack and slash?
ORSON: A hack is an up and down motion.
DOUGLAS: Like Norman Bates?
ORSON: Exactly. And a slash is from left to right or right to left.
DOUGLAS: What if it's a frenzied attack? Cut after cut after cut?
ORSON: That's where the maths gets complicated.
DOUGLAS: I had no idea there was so much to the apparently simple act of snuffing someone. You've opened my eyes for me, Orson, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. You should write a manual. You could call it Fifty Ways to Kill Your Lover. Bound to be a best seller.
ORSON: I can't afford a best seller. I have my reputation to think of.
DOUGLAS: I'm going to ask you a personal question here, Orson, and I hope you don't mind. It's just that I'm curious to know what stroke you would use.
ORSON: Hard to say really. It would depend on the situation, but I think I would instinctively go for the hack.
DOUGLAS: Interesting.
ORSON: But not a straight-forward hack.
DOUGLAS: No?
ORSON: What I'd do is this. (demonstrates) I'd bring my arm up – thus. You notice I didn't go straight up. I veered slightly off the perpendicular.
DOUGLAS: I saw that.
ORSON: And then forward (demonstrating still) and down – like so!
DOUGLAS: Oh bravo. Not only a mathematician, but an artist too!
ORSON: I need to work on it a bit.
DOUGLAS: No. That was perfect. Poetry in motion. I wish I had a video camera to record it.
ORSON: You're too kind, Douglas.
DOUGLAS: You'll have to teach me how to do that some time. Tell you what, why don't you come up to the house tomorrow after we've dealt with Rosa? We'll knock back a few drinks, shoot some pool and have a man-to-man about the mechanics of murder.
ORSON: Thank you. I'd like that. Perhaps I'll wear my dinner jacket.
DOUGLAS: I'm afraid I won't be able to feed you though – what with the wife being dead and all that.
ORSON: We could always get a takeaway.
DOUGLAS: Now there's an idea. I haven't had a takeaway for ages. Pity the wife won't be around. She was fond of takeaway food. And I think you and her would have got on just fine.
ORSON: It sounds like you're beginning to regret doing her in.
DOUGLAS: I'm going to miss her, that's for sure. But when you've got to move on, you've got to move on. If there was any other way…
Douglas breaks off and shakes his head sadly.
DOUGLAS: Life's unfair, Orson. She was a bloody lovely woman. She didn't deserve to die so young. But what choice did I have? She was going around telling people I was dead and I couldn't have that. It was making my life complicated.
ORSON: I can imagine.
DOUGLAS: Take last Sunday for instance. I was on my way to meet a supplier when I decided on a whim to drop in on my parents. They're always delighted to see me. I'm their favourite son. Actually – as far as they're concerned – I'm their only son. So I pull up in their driveway and knock on the door. My mum opens it and there I am expecting cries of joy and hugs and kisses and what happens? She screams and faints. That's odd, I thought to myself. The silly bitch has never done that before. So then my Dad comes to see what the noise is all about and the old bastard bursts into tears. 'Dad!' I say to him. 'What the merry hell's going on? Have you and Mum gone senile?' 'No, Son,' he says. 'We thought you were dead.'
ORSON: How awful.
DOUGLAS: Once he stopped blubbering, he told me how my missus had rung to say I'd been stabbed to death by person or persons unknown. Gave me a right queer feeling, that did.
ORSON: It would.
DOUGLAS: I walked into the living room and there's this old geezer in a black suit waving a tape measure around. Turns out he's from the funeral parlour. 'Are you the late, lamented deceased?' he asks me. 'No I bleeding ain't,' I says to him but he's not having any of it. Next thing I know, he's all over me with his tape measure. 'On what side does sir dress,' he says. And then he's showing me this catalogue full of coffins, asking me which one I'd like to be buried in. You should have seen the price of them. Some of them cost more than a second hand car. And for what? A wooden box. I told him I wouldn't be seen dead in one.
ORSON: They get away with murder, these undertakers.
DOUGLAS: I was just about to strangle the little toad with his tape measure when my mum walks in and starts screaming all over again. That was too much for me. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. All that trouble just because the missus decided to tell one little lie. I had to kill her, didn't I? I'm not at fault here. Any man in my shoes would have done the same. You can see that, can't you?
ORSON: You had no choice. She'd put you in an intolerable position.
DOUGLAS: You don't know the half of it. When I got home, I couldn't get my car up the drive for all the wreaths laid on it. So I popped down to the office, only to find it empty. My workers had taken the day off as a mark of respect. And then to top it all, I sit down to breakfast next morning, have a glance through the local paper and find myself reading my own obituary.
ORSON: I was in the local paper once. A short piece about my house being vandalised. They printed it in the entertainment section.
DOUGLAS: Quite put me off my toast that did.
ORSON: They got the caption underneath my photo wrong. Spent the next week having to convince total strangers that I wasn't Immelda Marcos.
DOUGLAS: Two column inches – that's what they gave me. Not much to show for a life, is it? The local lollipop lady got three. And you know what made it worse? The headline – 'Hardware Magnate Kicks the Bucket'. What kind of crack is that meant to be? Some people have no respect for the dead.
ORSON: Shoe companies kept sending me free samples.
DOUGLAS: So I went straight down to that newspaper office to give the editor a piece of my mind. You should have seen his face when I stormed in and he found himself face to face with a dead man. He screamed and fainted – just like my mum. Next day's headline read, 'Can Opener King Rises From the Dead'. Should have read, 'Newspaper Editor Shits His Pants'.
ORSON: One hundred and fifty pairs of shoes I had. And all several sizes too small.
DOUGLAS (chuckling): 'Newspaper Editor Shits His Pants!' Now that would have been some headline.
ORSON: What did you just say?
DOUGLAS: 'Newspaper Editor Shits His Pants.'
ORSON: Before that.
DOUGLAS: How much before that?
ORSON: You were saying about the headline. What was it?
DOUGLAS: 'Can Opener King Rises From the Dead.' That's me, that is. You must have seen my slogan : 'You can buy cheaper elsewhere, but never forget the Can Opener King died for your sins'. I thought that one up myself. What's up, old chap? You look like that editor did just before he fainted.
ORSON: I've suddenly realised I'm wasting my time here. It's a racing certainty I've been stood up.
DOUGLAS: That's the spirit! Don't hide from reality. Take your punches like a man. That's what I've always done. If I get knocked down, I get right back up again. Fuck me, I've even risen from the dead. That makes me like Jesus Christ, doesn't it?
ORSON: Or Count Dracula.
DOUGLAS: I hadn't thought of that. Mind you, I'd rather be Jesus than Dracula. I mean, who wants to sleep in a coffin? Did I mention I'm not a night person? It's those bloody stars. They get on my tits. I never come out after sunset if I can help it. Looks like your young lady has much the same attitude.
ORSON: Her name's Jessica.
DOUGLAS: Jessica? Funny that. My wife's name is Jessica. Small world, hey?
ORSON: All my life, I've been a boring, miserable apology of a person wrapped up in loneliness and self-pity. I thought things were finally going to change. It seems I was deluded.
DOUGLAS: Hey, now. You don't want to get yourself worked up over some dozy bint.
ORSON: What was I thinking? I should have known it wasn't going to work out. Nothing ever does for me.
DOUGLAS: Oh listen to yourself! Snap out of it. Do you think you're the only person who's ever been stood up? It happens to the best of us.
Douglas puts a comforting arm around Orson.
DOUGLAS: Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice, Orson? One man of the world to another? You go out there. You find this woman of yours. You take her in your arms and tell her how much she means to you. Tell her you love her. And then kill the bitch.
ORSON: I can't do that.
DOUGLAS: Do it quickly. Do it cleanly. She doesn't have to feel a thing. Make love to her and wait until she falls asleep.
ORSON: Is that what you did? Did you make love to your wife before driving a knife through her heart?
DOUGLAS: Damn right I did. Believe me, Orson, she died a happy woman.
ORSON: It's good to know that.
DOUGLAS: Wherever she is now, she'll understand why I did it. And more importantly, she'll know I never stopped loving her. In a way, I did her a favour, because she's with God now.
ORSON: You don't believe in God.
DOUGLAS: But she did. That's what matters.
ORSON: I once had a puppy. It was the loveliest, sweetest puppy you could ever imagine – playful, affectionate, full of life. After he died, I went for a long walk and ended up at this bus shelter. It was night by the time I got here. There was no moon, just a glistening cascade of stars. I looked up and – I don't know why – but one star in particular caught my eye. It shone brighter than all the rest and I thought to myself, 'that's him. That's my beloved little puppy'.
DOUGLAS: What was his name?
ORSON: I don't remember.
DOUGLAS: Show me this star then. The one you think might be your dead dog.
ORSON: I can't. All stars look the same to me.
DOUGLAS: A pity.
Douglas walks to the front of the stage and gazes upwards.
DOUGLAS: It's kind of comforting to think that all those billions of stars might be the souls of the departed. They're waiting for us up there, aren't they, Orson? The Milky Way is proof of God's love.
ORSON: You don't believe in God.
DOUGLAS: And I hate stars. Wish I didn't. My wife loved the night sky, but then she loved so many things. She was just the way you described your puppy – playful, affectionate, full of life.
ORSON: She didn't deserve to die, did she?
DOUGLAS: Of course she didn't. I've already said as much. God always takes the best ones.
ORSON: You don't believe in God.
DOUGLAS: Why do you keep saying that? Just because I don't believe in the Almighty, that's no reason I can't talk about him. Jesus, Orson! Why do you have to be so prosaic?
ORSON: You think you're better than everyone else, don't you? You think being a killer makes you superior.
DOUGLAS: Well, it's true. Try it yourself. You'll see I'm right.
ORSON: Maybe I will.
DOUGLAS: I'd be so happy if you did. I know we've only just met, but already I look upon you as the son I never had. Or rather the son I had until I killed him.
ORSON: How to go about it though? That's the question.
DOUGLAS: May I recommend poison?
ORSON: Poison's good. But how would I get hold of it?
DOUGLAS: I know where you can get a gun.
ORSON: I won't use a gun. It's against my principles.
DOUGLAS: How about a knife then?
ORSON: A knife would be appropriate.
DOUGLAS: I have just the thing.
Douglas excitedly opens his briefcase. He takes out Jessica's paper knife.
DOUGLAS: What do you think of this? Isn't it a beauty?
ORSON: May I see it?
DOUGLAS: You can have it. My gift to you.
Douglas hands the knife to Orson.
DOUGLAS: I bought that in Singapore. Amazing what you can get over there.
ORSON: There's blood on it.
DOUGLAS: Really? I thought I'd cleaned it thoroughly.
ORSON: You killed your wife with this.
DOUGLAS: I should have left it at the house for the removal men, but I couldn't. It has sentimental value. Thought maybe I'd bury it in the woods until I was in the clear.
ORSON: And you're giving it to me, even though it means so much to you?
DOUGLAS: I know you'll put it to good use.
ORSON: Thank you, Douglas. I'm touched.
DOUGLAS: Have you decided yet who you're going to kill?
ORSON: One candidate stands out above all the others.
DOUGLAS: Your young lady?
ORSON: No.
DOUGLAS: Who?
ORSON: It's best you don't know.
DOUGLAS: Very sensible, Orson. What I don't know, I can't tell. That's good thinking. You're going to be a natural at this murder lark – I can see that.
ORSON: Murder is easy if you have the right motivation.
DOUGLAS: There are two types of people in this world – those who kill and those who would like to.
ORSON: So now I have a weapon and I've decided upon my victim. Which just leaves the question of which stroke to use.
Orson walks up to Douglas.
ORSON: A thrust?
Orson thrusts the knife, stopping just short of Douglas' belly. Douglas looks down at the knife without apparent concern.
ORSON: A hack?
Orson brings the knife up and back down again, narrowly missing Douglas who is now a little apprehensive.
ORSON: Or a slash?
Orson swings the knife in a horizontal arc. Douglas jumps back.
DOUGLAS: Steady there. You could do me some damage.
ORSON: What's your opinion, Douglas? What suits me best? Thrust, hack or slash?
DOUGLAS: Which do you feel most comfortable with?
ORSON: The hack. It appeals to the mathematician in me. If I get it right, I can describe a parabola in the air before landing the fatal blow.
DOUGLAS: I hope you don't think me ignorant, but what's a parabola?
ORSON: A parabola is the locus of a point which varies in such a way that its distance from a fixed point is equal to the distance from a fixed line.
DOUGLAS: Well, I never knew that. You live and you learn.
ORSON: The thing is, Douglas, I've suddenly realised I've been rather limited in my outlook. I had assumed that all knife attacks could be placed into one of three categories – thrust, hack and slash. But I've just thought of one more.
DOUGLAS: That's brilliant! May I see it?
ORSON: Certainly.
Orson swings the knife up and into Douglas' gut. Douglas gasps. He grabs hold of Orson's knife hand.
DOUGLAS: That wasn't nice.
Orson removes the knife. Douglas clutches at his bloody wound.
ORSON: How are you feeling, Dougie?
DOUGLAS: Strange, and a little shocked. Funny – you'd have thought there'd be more blood.
ORSON: If I remember my anatomy right, I've ripped open your duodenum.
DOUGLAS: I'm not dead.
ORSON: Not yet. But you soon will be.
DOUGLAS: I think you're right. I'm definitely dying. Mind you, it's not as bad as you might think. In fact, it's quite pleasant in an odd sort of way.
ORSON: You're not mad at me, are you?
DOUGLAS: Mad? No, I'm flattered you should choose me as your first victim. It's quite an honour.
ORSON: You'd better sit down.
DOUGLAS: Bless you, sir. That's very considerate.
Orson helps Douglas to the bench. They sit down together.
DOUGLAS: Fiendishly clever of you to chose me as your victim. I'd be the last person expecting it.
ORSON: It had to be you, Douglas. You understand that, don't you?
DOUGLAS: Not entirely.
ORSON: Jessica deserved better than straight in and straight out.
DOUGLAS: Who's Jessica?
ORSON: Your wife.
DOUGLAS: Oh, yes. She was called Jessica, wasn't she? A beautiful, tender person – so full of life.
ORSON: You should have killed her with a parabola.
DOUGLAS: I can see that now. A parabola. The locus of a point which varies in such a way that its distance from a fixed point is equal to the distance from a fixed line. I wish I'd known.
ORSON: It's not your fault. You're not a mathematician. Don't blame yourself.
Still clutching his stomach, Douglas points to the sky.
DOUGLAS: Look! There. Do you see it?
ORSON: What?
DOUGLAS: That star. The bright one. It wasn't there before, was it?
ORSON: I don't know. I couldn't say.
DOUGLAS: It's her. It's my Jessie.
ORSON: It's just a star.
DOUGLAS: She's speaking to me, Orson. You can't hear her, can you? Her words are only for me.
ORSON: What's she saying?
DOUGLAS: She's saying, 'Put on the wings and arouse the coiled splendour within you; come unto me!'
Douglas coughs feebly. He is close to death.
DOUGLAS: The Can Opener King is once more knocking on Death's door and this time he ain't coming back. When I'm gone, Orson, look for two bright stars circling each other for all eternity. That'll be me and Jessica.
Douglas falls to the ground and dies.
ORSON: Goodbye, Douglas. I think we both understand now why God created so many stars.
Orson stands and contemplates the heavens.
ORSON: Still too many of them though.
Orson shivers.
ORSON: I wonder which of those stars is my puppy?
Enter Cawthorne – running.
CAWTHORNE: Murderer! Pervert! Mathematician!
Exit Cawthorne.
Orson remains staring at the sky.
Cawthorne returns and confronts Orson.
CAWTHORNE: What have you done?
ORSON: I killed him. It was necessary.
CAWTHORNE: Not him, you fool! I'm talking about the sky.
ORSON: The sky?
CAWTHORNE: Look, damn you! Look!
ORSON: I don't see anything unusual.
CAWTHORNE: The stars!
ORSON: What about them?
CAWTHORNE: They're disappearing. They're going out one by one.
ORSON: My God. You're right. The sky is dying.
CAWTHORNE: First it was the cars and now this! Ever since you lost your virginity, the world's gone crazy.
ORSON: I'm not sure there's a connection there.
CAWTHORNE: Stop doing it!
ORSON: It's not me. I have no control over this.
CAWTHORNE: Damn you! Why can't you leave Nature alone? Why must you forever poke and probe at her and demand she gives up her innermost secrets? Why?
Orson is too numb to answer. He can only shake his head.
CAWTHORNE: Put the stars back! They're not yours. They don't belong to you.
ORSON: I don't have them.
CAWTHORNE: Thief! Coward! Pataphysicist!
Cawthorne runs off-stage crying –
CAWTHORNE: He's stolen the stars! He's taken the heavens.
Orson watches Cawthorne depart.
ORSON: Mad. Quite mad. What the hell's a pataphysicist?
JESSICA (offstage): Orson? Are you there, my love? Did you wait for me?
Enter Jessica.
ORSON: Jessica! It's you. It's really you!
JESSICA: Did you think I wouldn't come?
ORSON: Oh Jessie!
JESSICA: I want to be with you, Orson. Nobody else but you. From now till the end of time.
ORSON: You will be.
JESSICA: Talking of time, have you got a watch that's working? I think mine's a bit slow.
Orson shows Ramsey's watch to Jessica.
JESSICA: No – it's right. Unless we're both slow.
Jessica spies Douglas' corpse.
JESSICA: Hello. What's this? There's a dead body in the bus shelter, Orson. He looks familiar.
ORSON: It doesn't matter, Jessie. Nothing matters now except that you and I are together.
Orson takes Jessica's hand.
ORSON: Look at the sky, Jessica.
JESSICA: So many stars. I used to wonder what they meant. Now I think I know.
ORSON: They're disappearing. The Universe is dying. It's the end of the world – the end of everything.
JESSICA: Every end is a beginning. Without winter, there can be no spring. I began to realise that when I saw the headline, 'Can Opener King Returns from the Dead'.
ORSON: What are you talking about?
JESSICA: The Can Opener King died for your sins.
ORSON: That means nothing to me. Say something comforting.
Jessica points to the sky.
JESSICA: Do you see that star there? The bright one?
ORSON: Sirius?
JESSICA: Is that what it's called? I didn't know. It spoke to me, Orson. I was walking from the pub when something made me look up. All of a sudden I was filled with all the feelings of childhood. Do you remember what it's like to be a child?
ORSON: I suppose so. Vaguely.
JESSICA: To come in from the cold and snuggle up on a settee in front of an open fire? Nothing could touch you then. You knew you were safe, that the world was a wonderful place and everything was as it should be.
ORSON: I don't ever remember feeling that way.
JESSICA: But you did, Orson – only over the years you forgot. I forgot too. I forgot a whole lot of things until tonight. I looked up at Sirius and all of a sudden everything became so real, so solid. I was back in the world of my childhood.
ORSON: I don't understand.
JESSICA: You've been programmed not to. I was programmed the same way. But then a star spoke to me. I was hit by an intense beam of light filled with information. It penetrated my mind and overwrote my erroneous programming. I suddenly knew that my existence has meaning. I could see the purpose of Creation.
ORSON: You had an exegesis.
JESSICA: My mind is still sorting through the data, trying to make sense of it all. I'm beginning to remember who I really am and what I was put on this Earth to do.
ORSON: You hallucinated, Jessie. It was probably caused by temporal lobe epilepsy. My Uncle Julian suffered from that. Swore blind he could see angels. You can't be programmed by a beam from outer space. It's not possible.
JESSICA: And the stars going out? Is that possible?
ORSON: I don't know.
JESSICA: Whoever sent me that beam has a message for you – two messages. The first is that you have nothing left to fear.
ORSON: And what's the second?
JESSICA: Bugger Godel.
ORSON: Soon there won't be any stars left. Just an empty sky. Unending darkness going on forever.
JESSICA: And there's something else the beam told me. It's do to with light. Did you know that for a light beam there is no time? All the things a particle of light does from the moments it's born, it does in an instant. Time is an illusion brought on by our material desires.
ORSON: We're going to die, Jessie.
JESSICA: No one has ever died; no one ever will. Death is an illusion.
ORSON: I'm scared.
JESSICA: That's because you haven't been listening. We're about to become pure light. When that happens time will cease to have meaning. Without time, we cannot die.
ORSON: This shouldn't be happening. The Universe can't suddenly wind down like this. It doesn't make sense. The maths doesn't add up.
JESSICA: It has nothing to do with maths.
ORSON: Perhaps it's the bus shelter. I always said it was a magical place.
JESSICA: This is where Space becomes Time.
ORSON: I'm so glad you're with me. I couldn't face this on my own.
JESSICA: Shall we sit down while we wait for the end?
ORSON: We might as well.
Jessica and Orson sit down in the bus shelter.
ORSON: Only four stars left now. Three… Two… One. Just one star remaining out of all the billions that once graced the heavens.
JESSICA: Perhaps it's your puppy.
ORSON: It's Sirius – the Dog Star.
JESSICA: That's where the beam came from. Our Space Brothers and Sisters are watching over us. They're waiting for us to come home.
ORSON: And now that's gone. Thank God we still have the moon.
BLACK OUT. A dog howls.
ORSON: Don't panic, Jessie. It'll soon be sunrise. The light will return.
JESSICA: We are the light, Orson.
From out of the darkness comes a deep, rumbling sound.
ORSON (terrified): Sweet Jesus! It's the Gates of Hell. They're opening!
JESSICA: It's the bus, Orson. The first bus of the day.
ORSON: Good God. It's on time!


text:
CME Programs
CME Links
State CME Requirements
Managing Hyponatremia in the Inpatient Setting:
The Integral Role of the Hospitalist
Archived Webcast
Presented by the University of Virginia School of Medicine.
Supported by an educational grant from Otsuka America Pharmaceutical, Inc.
Hyponatremia is the most common electrolyte abnormality seen in hospitalized patients, and even in its mildest form, it is associated with increased morbidity and mortality. The burden of hyponatremia in the hospital setting is substantial and is expected to increase as the population ages. Being able to adequately treat patients requires hospitalists to clearly diagnose hyponatremia and its underlying etiology. Unfortunately, optimal treatment strategies are not well defined due to the marked differences in symptoms and clinical outcomes based on the chronicity and severity of hyponatremia. This live web-based activity will provide hospitalists with the latest information on disease management and patient specific-management strategies, as well as examining recent clinical trials and their results and the formulation of individualized treatment plans for patients.
To provide hospitalists with up-to-date information and guidelines for the management and treatment of hospitalized patients with hyponatremia.
This activity has been designed to meet the educational needs of hospitalists and other general internal medicine providers at hospitals who are involved in the management of patients with hyponatremia. No prerequisites required.
At the conclusion of this activity, participants should be able to:
the burden of uncorrected hyponatremia on outcome measures in the hospitalized patient.
the underlying pathophysiology and etiology of inpatient hyponatremia.
treatment plans for correcting hyponatremia based on diverse patient case scenarios.
Mitchell H. Rosner, MD, FACP (Course Director)
Henry B. Mulholland Professor of Medicine
Chairman, Department of Medicine
University of Virginia Health System
Charlottesville, VA
Bartho Caponi III, MD, FACP, FHM
Clinical Assistant Professor
Division of Hospital Medicine, Department of Medicine
University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health
Madison, WI
Credit Designation Statement
The University of Virginia School of Medicine designates this live activity for a maximum of 1.0
AMA PRA Category 1 Credit
. Physicians should claim only the credit commensurate with the extent of their participation in the activity.
Accreditation Statement
The University of Virginia School of Medicine awards hours of participation (equivalent to
AMA PRA Category 1 Credit(s)
) to each nonphysician participant who successfully completes this educational activity. The University of Virginia School of Medicine maintains a permanent record of participation for six (6) years.
Release Date:
September 9, 2014
Expiration Date:
September 9, 2015
Full Disclosure Policy Affecting CME Activities
The University of Virginia School of Medicine, as an ACCME accredited provider, endorses and strives to comply with the Accreditation Council for Continuing Medical Education (ACCME) Standards of Commercial Support, Commonwealth of Virginia statutes, University of Virginia policies and interests that may procedures, and associated federal and private regulations and guidelines on the need for disclosure and monitoring of proprietary and financial affect the scientific integrity and balance of content delivered in continuing medical education activities under our auspices.
The University of Virginia School of Medicine requires that all CME activities accredited through this institution be developed independently and be scientifically rigorous, balanced and objective in the presentation/discussion of its content, theories and practices.
All speakers participating in an accredited CME activity are expected to disclose relevant financial relationships with commercial entities occurring within the past 12 months (such as grants or research support, employee, consultant, stock holder, member of speakers bureau, etc.). The University of Virginia School of Medicine will employ appropriate mechanisms to resolve potential conflicts of interest to maintain the standards of fair and balanced education to the reader. Questions about specific strategies can be directed to the Office of Continuing Medical Education, University of Virginia School of Medicine, Charlottesville, Virginia. The following relationships have been reported for this activity:
Bartho Caponi III, MD, FACP, FHM, reports serving as a consultant for CME Enterprise, Inc.
Mitchell H. Rosner, MD, FACP, reports serving as a consultant for Johnson & Johnson, Novartis, and Otsuka America Pharmaceutical, Inc.
The faculty and staff of the University of Virginia Office of Continuing Medical Education have no financial affiliations to disclose.
Disclosure of Discussion of Non-FDA–Approved Uses for Pharmaceutical Products and/or Medical Devices
The University of Virginia School of Medicine, as an ACCME provider, requires that all faculty presenters identify and disclose any off-label uses for pharmaceutical and medical device products. The University of Virginia School of Medicine recommends that each physician fully review all the available data on new products or procedures prior to clinical use.
All faculty have indicated that they have not referenced unlabeled or unapproved uses of drugs or devices.
The opinions and recommendations expressed by faculty and other experts whose input is included in this program are their own. This enduring material is produced for educational purposes only. Use of the University of Virginia School of Medicine name implies review of educational format design and approach. Please review the complete prescribing information of specific drugs or combination of drugs, including indications, contraindications, warnings and adverse effects before administering pharmacologic therapy to patients.
There is no fee for this educational activity.
Please complete the pre-test, listen to and watch the following presentation, and complete the post-test and evaluation to receive CME credit for this activity. A certificate of participation will be available online immediately following successful completion of the activity.
This archived webcast addresses the latest published literature on diagnosing and managing patients with hyponatremia, including clinical studies on current and emerging therapies and published patient cases.
Overview of Hyponatremia:
A Focus on the Hospitalized Patient Managing Hyponatremia
Case-Based Scenarios:
How Hospitalists Can Help Improve Care and Outcomes for Patients with Hyponatremia
Submit a case to review at meeting:
Thank you for your submission!
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EVANSTON, WYAPRIL 4, 2018Wyoming Downs announced today they will host the 1st annual Wyoming Downs All Breed Race-Bred Horse Sale this summer.
The sale is in association with the Wyoming all Breeds Racing Association and the Utah Quarter Horse Race Association and will included consignments from top intermountain area breeders.
"We look forward to your participation and that you will be among the top inter-mountain area breeders consigning their horses in the sale," sale manager Jodi Lopez said in a press release today.
Set for Saturday, August 18th, the sale will be held on the site of the Wyoming Downs Race Track located at 10180 Highway 89 North, Evanston, Wyoming 82930.
The sale will start at approximately 5:30 p.m. (MDT), about 30 minutes after the last race runs that day at Wyoming Downs. A preview will be held Saturday (Aug. 18) morning at 10:00 a.m.
Thoroughbreds, Quarter Horse, Appaloosas and Paints of all ages will be accepted. The sale will feature Wyoming Bred horses that are awarded pointed in the Wyoming Bred Program.
Early consignments are Due May 15 for a fee of $350. The fee will increase to $400 after May 15 and must completed by June 15.
CLICK HERE to download a consignment form.
All sale related forms and information can be found at wyomingdowns.com/horse-sale.
Catalogs will produced by Sara Vaessen Pedigrees and should be mailed approximately four weeks prior to the sale.
For additional information contact Jodi Lopez at firstname.lastname@example.com or call 307-789-9000.


text:
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text:
Bad Biology (****)
Henenlotter's long-awaited return to filmmaking after the glory days of Frankenhooker and Brain Damage is a wonderfully sexy horror film as weirdly surreal as it is arousing - it looks stunning on 35mm film, and Charlee Danielson is a gorgeous and perfect choice to play the girl with the seven clits
Kick-Ass (**)
oh, if only Nicolas Cage hadn't managed to shoehorn his hammy clammy way into this comicbook adaptation, how much better it would be; yet despite its predictable Hollywood cop-outs and failings, it's not entirely without charm, particularly the presence of the supercute Chloe Moretz
The Killer Inside Me (*)
dreary and dishonest 2010 remake of Jim Thompson's thriller - dreary because it denies the moviegoer any fulfilment, whether gorehound, sleaze merchant, thrillseeker, or social commentarist; dishonest because it uses all these tropes as false enticements - the cast reads like a list of desperate second-tier careerists touting their asses for an easy payday
Drifter (*)
Roel Reiné's wretched attempt to make Saw/Cube-style horror - the plot device of four losers WHO find themselves in the desert with mysterious surgical scars initially sounds almost promising, just trust me that it isn't
Mad Hot Ballroom (***)
engaging documentary following several New York elementary schools competing for an annual ballroom competition - it's as much a Wiseman-style condemnation of general failings within the academic system, though not without the heartwarming and progressive efforts of the teachers and pupils of PS112 who, perversely, are stitched up in the judging
Hierro (**)
a pleasing visual aesthetic is not enough to salvage this Spanish film from its vacuity - another victory of film school graduate style over narrative substance; surely it's imperative that any plot involving a missing person makes you want to at least care a little bit about their fate?
Iron Man 2 (*)
Iron Man stars once again as Robert Downey Jr.: this, amazingly, is even worse - far worse - than the woeful first episode of this inevitably interminable new express franchise for product cross promotion and placement
FILLMORE DISCOS 47 - 70s RARITIES 4
FILLMORE DISCOS 45 - '70s RARITIES 3
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
3 comments:
- hOU said...
Downey Jr is indeed a prize-cunt to behold, eh?
If anyone has the ´'anti-Midas touch' it is he.
- Andy Capper said...
What are you saying about Bad Lieutenant 2010?
- William Bennett said...
Andy, it's here: http://williambennett.blogspot.com/2009/12/fillmore-discos-36.html
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)


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VPU'S 1310 Series: Job Market Good in Sioux Falls but Some Under-employment
In Wednesday's installment of the Viewpoint University series, "The Number is 13-10," Rick Knobe and Dan Peters spoke with Greg Johnson in the South Dakota Department of Labor in Sioux Falls.
He assists businesses find employees and job seekers find employment.
With 3.9 percent unemployment, Sioux Falls has one of the lowest rates in the nation.
Johnson said his office has about 3,000 job openings for the area. Johnson says about a third of the approximately 5,200 people looking for work in Sioux Falls are in transition between jobs, another third have severe physical or other barriers to employment and the last third have poor work histories.
Still, Johnson says the job market in Sioux Falls is good.
"Opportunity in just about every industry," Johnson said. "From being a commercial driver to get goods from one place to another to the call centers to obviously to health care. Opportunity is flourishing in Sioux Falls as good as it ever has."
Johnson did acknowledge that like a lot of cities, Sioux Falls does have some under-employment.
"You know, there is underemployment," he said. "A lot of college graduates and other folks with a good education don't get the job they want the first time around and take what they need to so they can pay the rent. Those people should keep on looking for the job they want. Make sure they're keeping their skills up which might be expensive but you need to do it if you really want to step into that career."
So, if you started at the bottom at the South Dakota Department of Labor, would you make the magic number of $13.10 an hour to afford decent housing in Sioux Falls?
Johnson says yes. Department of Labor employees start at $13.30 to $13.50 an hour.


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Nancy Swierz RN, MSN, CMC - Care Management Professional
Ms. Swierz has served as the President of Individualized Care Management, LLC, Senior Director of Home Care Services at Evangelical Homes of Michigan and the owner of Quality Care Management, LLC. In her 12 years as practicing geriatric care manager (11 year member of NAPGCM) and 25 years as a licensed Registered Nurse with practice focused on geriatric health in community based settings with 5 years of hospice experience and comprehensive practice with older adults and their families facing care needs at the end of life. Prior to her Geriatric Care Management career she worked as a RN in community based care including public health, skilled and private duty home care as well as hospice care services. She has both her Bachelor's and Masters degrees in nursing from Michigan State University and Madonna University respectively.


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Disclaimer: This is 1 of 12 unique The Chatwal Crowns suites. Booking online will guarantee one of these suites based upon availability.
Hollywood Suite
A glamorous one-bedroom Hollywood suite smartly designed for the enjoyment of movie arts and timeless cinematography. A contemporary entryway foyer leads to the king-bedded master bedroom featuring signature honey-colored suede walls, a bespoke wardrobe and built-in private bar.
Two full bathrooms in sparkly granite, expansive tinted mirrors with integrated TV and raindrop showers stocked with full size Asprey amenities. The spacious hardwood floors living room are readily converted to accommodate guests with the queensized Murphy bed fitted with handmade mattresses in addition to a built-in kitchenette fully equipped with Le Creuset cookware.
Suite Highlights
Room Size: 530-730 ft2
Sleeps: 4 Guests
Bed Types: 1 King, 1 Queen
2 Bathrooms
Butler Service
Luxurious Amenities
Discover the amenities of the Hollywood Suite at The Chatwal.
Butler ServiceButler service including complimentary steaming, pressing and shoe shine.
Spa/Fitness3,500 sq. foot spa with complimentary use of infinity saltwater lap pool, plunge jacuzzi and 24-hour access fitness room.
The House CarThe House Car, a Mercedes-Benz E350, is available to chauffeur guests within a 20-block radius.
Always ConnectedUnlimited complimentary Internet.
24-hour room service featuring Chef Geoffrey Zakarian's modern American Cuisine with seasonal ingredients
Family Room
Unlimited complimentary Internet
Turn-down service with complimentary
bottled water
In-room Safe
Choice of complimentary newspaper every morning
Flat Screen Television
Mini bar
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Quick Links
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Avid reader. Wild swimmer. Indie Author of The Sham. Collector of writing titbits (http://www.ellenallen.co) and all things bookish...
I picked up The Weight of Water by Sarah Crossan, in my local library whilst getting some books for my daughter; I was attracted to the cover by Oliver Jeffers, a kids' author I have long admired (if you are ever stuck for a toddler's present, you can never go wrong with How to Catch a Star or Lost and Found – they are true gems).
It tells the story of Kasienka, a Polish immigrant, arriving in Coventry with her mum, looking for their father. That sounds heavy, but that's the wonder of this book; it deals with some very heavy issues – bullying, fitting in, immigration, growing up, first love – in a very light, touching and accessible way, written in – wait for it – poetry (but you don't even notice the poetry, except how it helps to describe and punctuate Kasienka's feelings).
Her writing skills are a real marvel; I was amazed at how she manages to fit everything in this slight book and was so surprised to find a charming, poignant, coming of age story. Lovely.
Like this? I occasionally send out newsletters full of useful writing advice and reading titbits. If you want to receive them, click HERE to subscribe.


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Tuesday, March 18, 2014
March Birchbox Review
11 comments:
I think I need to do one of these kind of deals. It always seem fun to see what you get.ReplyDelete
xx, Jodi
Bitchbox!! lolReplyDelete
Sorry to hear you did not like it as much as your previous box! I would love to try the Caudalie product! They are products I would love to try but like you pointed out they are a little too pricey for me!ReplyDelete
I'm not into dark chocolate either but with cherry and almonds... that sounds DELICIOUS!ReplyDelete
I can't believe you don't like dark chocolate! I dunno if I would like cherry in my chocolate but I loooove dark chocolate.ReplyDelete
And the lip and cream palette looks awesome! Esp with the sweet packaging ha ;-)
bitchbox indeed! sometimes they aren't up to par. i like cherry and chocolate but not sure if i would want dark chocolate with itReplyDelete
hahahah "bitch box". was that intentional? because it made me laugh.ReplyDelete
jurlique is an amazing all natural brand, i love their eye cream!
-kathy | Vodka and Soda
This box looks disappointing :(ReplyDelete
Cherry chocolate? Yuck.
That stinks you didn't get the best items. I am not a dark chocolate fan either.ReplyDelete
i have yet to commit to an kind of box subscription, but i want things in the mail each month!ReplyDelete
That moisturizer looks great!ReplyDelete
Has anyone told you that you are AWESOME today? Well I just did. Thanks for the support, comments, and general amazingness. Keep being great!


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White Aluminum & Windows offers three types of room additions: Sunrooms, Florida rooms, and screen rooms. Our sunrooms and Florida rooms with glass windows are a beautiful extension of your home. A sunroom allows you to enjoy the surrounding landscape while being sheltered from adverse weather, with a Florida room you can run lighting, electrical, and plumbing to enhance your living space while our screen rooms allow you to enjoy the fresh air without all the bugs.
The living area of a Florida room must be Energy Rating. White Aluminum & Windows Florida rooms can use Low E- 366 glass in the windows and doors of the Florida room, as well as insulated walls, and roofing with solar reflectance.
I was very satisfied with White Aluminum. They did what i asked and the price was great. They gave me a good deal.
The staff address and resolves problems effectively.
They do a lot of work in our neighborhood and we have used them before. We have never had a problem with them. They installed our storm shutters.
They have done work on all five of our homes. They had the contract with the builder and we have been using them ever since.


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Suominen Corporation Press release 3 April 2017 at 3:00 pm (EEST)
Suominen, the global market leader in nonwovens for wipes, announces the launch of GENESIS® Pro All Purpose, a brand-new nonwoven substrate for general purpose professional wiping. The development of GENESIS® Pro leverages Suominen's wetlaid heritage and builds on our new investments in wetlaid production technology.
GENESIS® Pro All Purpose is the strongest professional wipes material on the market, both wet and dry. It has the highest thickness, unbeatable absorption capacity and also the fastest absorption. GENESIS® Pro All Purpose in lighter weights outperforms its heavier competitors in key performance areas.
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GENESIS® Pro All Purpose is available in a range of basis weights. Even in its lightest form, AP5000, GENESIS® Pro is the strongest material available which, thanks to its unmatched absorbency speed, makes it perfect for mopping up spills, cleaning down surfaces and keeping workspaces hazard-free. For the toughest tasks GENESIS® Pro AP8000 offers protection for the end-user when dealing with metal shavings, as well as oil, grease and cleaning solvents. It is the thickest nonwoven material for professional wipes, even when wet, making it a superior replacement for shop towels and rags.
GENESIS® Pro All Purpose is available globally and is part of Suominen@work nonwoven product offering.
Suominen Experts will demonstrate the functionalities of GENESIS® Pro All Purpose in Show & Tell session at INDEX17, in Geneva, Switzerland, on Wednesday, April 5 from 9 am to 12 noon at Suominen booth #1522. You are warmly welcomed to join the session and visit our booth to learn more about Suominen, a market-driven, global nonwovens company creating materials that make customers stand out.


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The Times September 5, 2006 - leading article:
The next Rwanda?
Arab governments must joint the West in condemning Khartoum
As his country slides back to civil war, the President of Sudan, Omar al-Bashir, has denounced Western moves to intervene as a colonialist conspiracy and likened Khartoum's situation to Lebanon's a month ago. It is true that villages in Darfur are being bombed -- by Sudanese government aircraft. And it is true that troops are massing for a major offensive; these are Sudanese army troops. But what truly distinguishes this crisis from any other international emergency, and shames those leaders apparently willing to let it run its course, is genocide.
The remorseless "ethnic cleansing" of the black Sudanese tribespeople of Darfur constitutes the worst atrocity in Africa since the Rwandan genocide of 1994. At least 200,000 villagers - and possibly double that, according to credible US estimates - have been killed by government-backed Janjiwid militias. Two million survivors of their raids are homeless. A lull in the slaughter followed a peace deal brokered this year between Mr al-Bashir and one of three main rebel groupings ranged against him in Darfur. But he now appears determined to exploit the West's preoccupation with the Middle East and Afghanistan, and finish what the Janjiwid began.
The tools available to stop him do not inspire confidence. With the mandate for an ill-supplied and ineffective African Union peacekeeping force due to expire on September 30, the United Nations Security Council has approved a resolution to replace it with a far larger UN force. But diplomats made clear that that force would not be deployed without Mr al-Bashir's consent, which last week he withheld. And yesterday he insisted that the AU force could only stay on if it was not part of a larger UN deployment.
Aid agencies run ever-greater risks delivering food and medicines to Darfur, where 12 of their workers have been killed this year. Acute shortages have swelled refugee camps across the border in Chad, while those who have stayed behind are dying at an alarming rate. They may not have been shot by his army, but Mr al-Bashir is complicit in their deaths. Yet he is as unmoved by the latest UN resolution as by ten others that he has ignored during this crisis, and last week he received a senior US envoy but offered no hint of compromise.
Sudan has correctly judged that even if the UN had the stomach to attempt to send a peacekeeping force without Khartoum's consent, the logistical obstacles to deploying a multi-national force of 20,000 in a desert the size of France would prove insurmountable. Sudan will also remain impossible to isolate internationally as long as Qatar, representing the Arab League, continues to support it in the UN out of misplaced ethnic solidarity; and China continues to abstain in relevant UN votes out of fondness for Mr al-Bashir's oil reserves.
A UN meeting on Darfur is scheduled for Friday. It is not too late to reach a deal on humanitarian aid corridors; nor for the Arab League to see that defending barbarity is ultimately self-defeating. In the meantime, the next Rwanda looms.


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We are very fortunate to live in the State of Florida simply because it has so much to offer. Florida is an endless adventure of learning and exploring. I love raising our kids here due to the numerous activities and events that take place not only in our immediate area but all across the state.
Nature Walks. Our family enjoys being outdoors and going to local parks. This is a low cost activity to do as a family. Kids love to discover new things while hiking on nature trails and as a parent it is fun to educate them on the different types of trees, insects, animals, etc. that we encounter while on these hikes. Pack a picnic lunch and give your kids time to talk about what they saw while on their new adventures. It's fun and sometimes comical to hear about your experiences from a child's perspective.
Things to Know Before You Go
- Apply sunscreen 15 minutes prior to sun exposure. Also, reapply often. Even on a cloudy day you can get sunburned.
- Bug spray. The heat and humidity of Florida is a breeding ground for Mosquitos and No-see-ums. Remember to use DEET FREE bug spray for kids.
- Wear comfy walking shoes.
- Bring along a bottle of water to stay hydrated during your hike.
The Real Florida Passport. For a small fee you can order this book which is actually a passport for Florida State Parks. When visiting the parks in this book, you can get your "passport" stamped. The kids will enjoy collecting these stamps. You can find passport books at most ranger stations, park entrances or by mail. Please note that not all of the parks give out stamps. If you have a smart phone you can download the Florida State Parks Guide App.
Beach. Our family loves going to the beach. The beach is one big playground for kids. Fishing, swimming, surfing, seashell hunting, making sand angels, flying kites, building sandcastles, and feeding the seagulls are just a few of the many activities your family may enjoy while at the beach.
Things to Know Before You Go
- Apply sunscreen 15 minutes prior to sun exposure. So many times we get to the beach and see families applying sunscreen when they arrive. It takes sunscreen 15 minutes to absorb and become effective prior to sun exposure so it's important to apply before you go. Also, reapply often. Even on a cloudy day you can get sunburned.
- Bring a beach umbrella. The sun can be very powerful during the summer so it's a good idea to have shade available for the kids if needed.
- Stay hydrated. A day of running, playing and sweating on the beach can quickly dehydrate kids. Make sure to bring plenty of drinks for the family.
- Baby Powder. This is the magical sand remover. If you go to the beach in an area that doesn't have a shower or foot rinse, apply baby powder to help remove sand before getting in your vehicle.
Natural Springs. A cool and refreshing way to spend family time outdoors in Florida is to go swimming in the numerous natural springs located in Florida. Springs stay a constant 72 degrees. Some springs our family has enjoyed are Alexander Springs, Blue Springs, Homosassa Springs Wildlife State Park, DeLeon Springs, and Wekiwa Springs.
Things to Know Before You Go:
- Apply sunscreen 15 minutes prior to sun exposure. So many times we get to the beach and see families applying sunscreen when they arrive. It takes sunscreen 15 minutes to absorb and become effective prior to sun exposure so it's important to apply before you go! Also, reapply often. Even on a cloudy day you can get sunburned.
- Alexander Springs has grills in the park so pack a cooler and bring food to grill out.
- Blue Springs has concession stands where you can buy food, snacks and drinks. They have a playground and also offer Segway rentals, kayak rentals and boat eco-tours.
- The National Wildlife Refuge is a great place to visit while in Homosassa. Since we were on the west coast of the state we decided to make a weekend out of it. Our most memorable activity while in Citrus County was swimming with the manatees. Highly recommend!!
- Wekiwa Springs has a "camp store" that sells drinks and snacks. They also offer kayak and canoe rental. We've rented a canoe on two different occasions. It is fun to navigate through the waterways and see the wildlife – baby gators, otters, fish, birds, etc.
- DeLeon Springs has a pancake house that is so much fun for the kids. Each table has a grill in which you make your own pancakes. If you are going on the weekend I highly recommend getting there early otherwise you will have to wait for a table. If you go during the summer by mid-morning it gets very hot inside due to the number of grills and the outside temperature.
Exploring the Florida outdoors is just one way to enjoy family time and create memories. I look forward to our next Florida outdoor adventure!
Editor's Notes: We would like to thank Sara for her great guest post! Sara is the founder of FlaglerCountyFamilyFun.com. We have been following her blog for quite some time as she is just a county over from the Frugal Florida Fun headquarters! She focuses on events in Flagler County, but often branches out to surrounding areas to let her readers know about all sorts of family friendly events, festivals, and things to do! Take some time to checkout her website and her social media outlets below:
Website: www.FlaglerCountyFamilyFun.com


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|Hoppy Halloween, Large
Our costumed bunny's crawling through the pumpkin patch, trying to find something egg-citing! But all this Jack Rabbit's finding is Jack-o-Lanterns! A cute and cuddly lawn display for Halloween. 36"H x 33"W.
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The EMREX network is eager to add new participants. Anyone interested can contact the project to get help. Here is also a short description on what we see as the first steps.
Note that EMREX is open source and the components are offered free of charge.
EMREX can be used as a building block for many different processes.
The project is willing to discuss with you your case and how EMREX can be used to support your needs.
The technical guide and case study will give a good overview of how EMREX works. The source code and especially the elmo-standard in GitHub will allow technical experts to estimate the workload needed to join the EMREX network.
The technical parts can be re-used in your development. Also the stand-alone solutions can be used to quickly set-up a test component.
Note that the key issues usually are
If the infrastructure is in place, it only takes a couple of weeks to set up an EMREX test system. The project is happy to help and arrange a technical telco, or even a workshop around EMREX to work out a proof of concept.
Joining the test network is free of charge. The test-NCP needs to be registered to the test network, i.e. the IP address and public key published. In the test network other partners NCPs/SMPs can be utilized to test against your own development.
Test together with the partners in the EMREX network
After a successful testing phase the solution is ready to join the EMREX network. This can be done either with only the SMP or NCP part, or with both together. It is possible to first try e.g. the receiving end and only later provide own data. This could be the case if e.g. access to a common results service is difficult.
The EMREX network is built on trust. Each user and organization needs to trust that the achievement records received are for that student, untampered with and from a valid source. The EMREX network ensures that the results are transferred in a secure and reliable way. In addition there is a need to ensure that the source can be trusted.
The National Contact Points (NCP) are the ones responsible for retrieving the student achievement data to be sent. Therefore it is essential that the other party can trust the NCP and that the NCP e.g. only sends data from recognised HEIs.
The following principles have been agreed to ensure only valid NCPs can join the EMREX network.


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I just did a fresh install of the latest Antergos with Cinnamon DE. Unfortunately I can't login after the installation. I've tried to install GNOME, in case it might be a Cinnamon related problem, but without success. I have Linux Mint installed on the same drive and I share the home partition with it. Might it be that it conflicts with some configuration file of Mint? Problem is that when I enter the password and hit enter the login screen fades out to then reappear with the password request.
I am on Mint now, so please tell me which System specs you need. I will go back into Antergos and post them here, if needed!


text:
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Home > Family Games > Horror / Spooky >
Wicked Witches Way
English language edition of Flinke Feger
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Product Description
Welcome to The Sorcerer's first Grand Prix! Sometimes, if the night is clear and you look to the sky you will be able to see strange objects zigzagging between the stars. They are not shooting stars, meteors, or flying saucers! You are fortunate, for you have just witnessed a race between witches on their flying brooms!
Wicked Witches Way is a board game which will put you in command of a flying witch's broom that you will have to control with daring and mastery.
Your goal? Win the race by passing the finish line first! Spot the dice, recreate the proper formula and advance... But don't forget that two kinds of combinations are possible, depending on the color: orange, and its turbo mode, or black, with its special cards filled with spells and sneaky tricks! The choice is yours! Memory, audacity, and cunning will be your best assets to take the victory!
Product Awards
Best Family Game Nominee, 2008
Recommended, 2008
Product Information
Serge Laget, Bruno Cathala
Asmodee North America
Year: 2007
Players: 2 - 6
Time: 30 minutes
Ages: 8 and up
Weight: 713 grams
- 1 game board
- 6 character tokens
- 1 Curse token
- 9 Magic formula dice
- 81 cards
- 1 rulebook
Kofferdetektive The Suitcase Detectives Out of Stock
The Suitcase Detectives Kofferdetektive Out of Stock
Product Reviews
Average Rating: 3 in 1 review
Wicked Witches Way (Asmodee, 2007 - Bruno Cathala and Serge Laget) is one of the coolest produced games I've come across. The box is shaped like a book and even opens like a volume, sitting on the shelf, ready to be pulled out. The book shape also comes into play with the mechanics of the game, as well as the theme. I'm not a big fan of the theme, but it is more unique (although another witch racing game, Techno Witches, was recently released.)
Wicked Witches Way (WWW) is a game that mixes speed and thinking, causing players to quickly evaluate symbols rolled on dice. It is the sort of game that will have a strong reaction from people, likely based on how well they do at the game. Some folks can't stand speed games, and WWW may likely drive them crazy. However, WWW does have some aspects that allow players to hinder someone who tends to be faster at these sorts of games. I found it a decent game and think anyone who likes fast brain burners along with memorization elements should look into it.
Nine dice are included with the game - each having six symbols on their faces. There are nine different symbols, each with an associated "magic" word, and are printed on the faces in either orange or black. In total, there are six of each symbol throughout the dice and three of each color. A board is placed, showing a racing track, with all of the players taking their witch token and placing it on the "1" space of the track. Players then take the nine cards that match their color (the cards match the nine symbols on the dice). A curse token and a deck of "black magic" cards are placed near the board. The box for the game is opened, which has a flap in the middle that can close down on either side. The nine dice are placed in the box, and the first round is ready to begin.
The player currently in last place (random if tied) takes the nine dice and rolls them into the box. All players then look at the dice, trying to memorize the symbols. When one player thinks they can remember, they shut the book by closing the flap. At this point, each player chooses cards from their pile, making a magic formula. When everyone has done this, the dice are revealed, along with the players' formulas.
All dice are grouped together by symbol, regardless of color. If a group of symbols has both colors, then those dice are eliminated. Of all other groups, only one die is kept, and then the black and orange dice are grouped together. A player's cards must match either the orange or black formulas. If a player's formula matches all the symbols in one of the two formulas, they move one space for each of the cards they played. Plus, for an orange formula, they get two additional spaces, and for a black formula, they draw black magic cards equal to the formula, keeping one and discarding the others. If a player has cards that match a formula but not the entire formula, they simply move spaces equal to the number of cards played. If a player plays a symbol that is not in the formula, then they "fall off their broom", not moving at all that round. If the player who closes the box flap messes up, they actually go back two spaces (there is a "-2" space on the track).
After all players have moved (or not), the "curse" token is placed on the space where the leading racer(s) is. This cancels any bonus they might get from having a "perfect" formula on future turns.
Black magic cards have a variety of uses. Some of them will give the player more victory points at the end of the game (one to three). Others have a variety of effects:
- Double Play: Allows a player to write two formulas.
- Tailwind: Allows a player to advance the number of spaces equal to their position in the race.
- Hex: Move the lead player back three spaces.
- Decree: Gives a player ten more seconds to look at the dice before writing their own formula.
- Blocking: Play after moving, no other player can pass you this turn.
- And more!
The game continues until one or more of the witches cross the finish line. The first player to cross the line gets twenty-five points, the second twenty-four, etc. If a player doesn't finish on that turn, they get points equal to the space they are on (1 to 22). Players then add any points that they got from black magic cards, and the player with the most is the winner!
Some comments on the game…
- Components: As I stated in the introduction, the box is fabulous;
I wish more games were like this, so I could have a whole row of
"books" on my shelf. The only problem with it is that when opening,
it's pretty easy for everything to fall out, so stuff must be bagged.
The cards are of good quality - all with cartoonist artwork on them.
(Some of it is rather ridiculous.) The tokens are cardboard stand-ups
of the witches and move on the nicely designed board. The main
feature of the game is the dice, and they are very easy to see - nice
wooden dice with the symbols imprinted on them. The game comes with a
sheet of stickers to stick on the dice if a player has a hard time
seeing the sides. I didn't have a problem; but I used the stickers
anyway, as they were brighter and easier to see. The whole package is
high, high quality.
- Rules: I found the rulebook, all seven pages of it, to be very
helpful and easy to understand. The rules are simple, and there is
even an example of play - complete with illustrations that help even
more, although I found the rules themselves to be fine. There is an
explanation for the black magic cards, and lots of pictures, etc.
Teaching the game is simple; I merely play through an example rolling
of the dice, and people pick it up almost immediately.
- Memory: The game relies on a player's memory, as they attempt to
scan the dice quickly and remember the symbols on them. The nine
symbols are certainly different, although you would be surprised at
how easy it is to mix them up. For example, one symbol is a spider,
and the other a spider web. When I see the symbols, I impress
"spider" upon my memory, then I can't remember if I meant web or not.
Another symbol has a lightning bolt, with another symbol having a
lighting bolt IN a cloud. Add this to the fact that there are several
colors, and it isn't as easy to remember as you might think.
Sometimes I simply found one or two shapes and memorized them
fiercely, just so that I would get a few spots in the race, rather
than making a mistake and going no where.
- Speed: Memory is one thing; but when combined with speed, a game
can get quite frantic. You'll be sitting there, attempting to
memorize a few symbols, when WHAM! - someone slams the lid shut. It
can get irritating, especially if you are someone who likes to take a
little bit of time to think. I've played in one round, near the end
of a game, where I simply slammed the lid shut right away - then
picked one symbol, hoping I was right. I thought that this way I
could stop the others and cross the finish line. In my case, it was a
disaster, but either way - this sort of thing is going to appeal to
some, and appall others.
- Theme: The theme, despite the name, is really about silly witches
racing around on broomsticks and has nothing to do with "real" witches
- for those who dislike this. The dice mechanic sort of fits in the
theme, but the actual moving around the track feels like a race -
thanks to the black magic cards.
- Leader: If one person is excellent at this type of game, they
will likely do very well. Some people will be able to sort out all
the dice in their head in the amount of time I'm still starting to
look in the box. Fortunately, the game uses the "curse" token and the
black magic cards to help keep a runaway leader in check. Yes, a good
player will still likely win, but this keeps it closer and helps keep
the rage of a slower person in check. Also, I like the fact that
someone may cross the line first and still possibly lose, if a runner
up is hoarding point cards.
- Fun Factor: For me, I can take or leave speed games, but this one
is a bit more enjoyable than the rest. I can play it once and be
satisfied for a good while, but I have fun when doing it. The fact
that a player can choose which formula to copy keeps the game
interesting, and the black magic cards add a bit of strategy. Yes,
when you boil right down to it, it's speed + memory. And folks who
like neither will likely dislike the game.
Wicked Witches Way will have a very few who don't like the theme, more who don't like the memory aspects, and even more who hate the speed. However, that does not exclude everyone; and I've seen the game get a high reaction of enjoyment, especially from the younger set. The components are gorgeous, the act of shutting the lid is fun to do, and it can really broil one's mind. Perhaps not the best speed game I've ever played, it's certainly a good one and will appeal to fans of that genre.
Tom Vasel
"Real men play board games"


text:
happy corner
parkle&spin (this is a very cheery corner of Southeast London, also home to local stationery cupboard heroes present&correct) Sparkle&spin is a tiny treasure box of a shop selling beautiful Danish designed children's clothes and selection of colourful and creative toys, I have my eyes on this money box.
A while ago the girls at sparkle&spin featured me on their blog which was lovely. Also thanks to arthur&martha for a mention on their site full of lovely things that don't cost a fortune, and huge thanks to bowiestyle for a feature on the fabulous print&pattern today. Blimey!
Posted by virginia at 09:04
Labels: presentandcorrect, printandpattern, sparkleandspin
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