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If You Are Getting Married To A Nigerian Man As A Foreign Lady Read This
How Do I Find True Love In Nigeria?
How do I find true love, how do I find the right life partner, how do I know that my boyfriend wants me for marriage, how do I know that my boyfriend truly loves me, how do I avoid being used and dumped by a man? All these questions and more are often the usual questions that occupy the minds of majority of single ladies globally, and it is no doubt that these questions are critical questions that also calls for a critical answer. In this very write-up, I am not going to answer those questions, but I will indirectly give clues on how to manage such situations, meanwhile, if you truly want to learn more or find answers to the above questions, then you must find time to go through some of my relationship articles, by navigating through my profile. But for now, I am going to focus on assisting foreign ladies wishing or desiring to get married to a Nigerian man, or best, to assist foreign ladies already in a committed relationship with a Nigerian man, and are probably contemplating on settling down with him.
Before I forge ahead, I would like to make a promise to all my readers (as usual) that whatever information I shall be revealing here, shall be based on zero partiality, prejudice or favoritism. Again, I want to stress again that I am going to be as honest as possible in disclosing some useful information that would assist all foreign ladies desiring to marry a Nigerian man. And if you are a Nigerian guy reading this article, please, do not feel bad, I am only trying to assist people (particularly innocent foreign ladies) to enjoy a happy loving relationship built on true love. Haven made things clear, let's move on.
Who Is A Nigerian Man?
Nigeria to start with, is a country located in the western region of Africa, with over 140,000,000 populations as at the last census. Nigeria is majorly a black African nation, blessed with numerous mineral resources, especially the black crude oil, found bountifully in the south-south, and south-east regions of Nigeria. Nigeria comprises of so many tribes, but the major tribes or dominant tribes in Nigeria are: Ibo, Hausa, and Yoruba.
Nigeria was colonized by Britain, and as a result, its official language is English, with other local dialects, viz. Igbo, Hausa and Yoruba, as the major dominant local dialects.
If you want to define a Nigerian man, you must first identify his tribal origin, whether he is Ibo, Yoruba or Hausa. I intentionally ignored other tribes to make this write-up snappy, and for the fact that other minor tribes have their cultures and traditions revolving around the major three tribes I have mentioned above. Haven identified his tribe, you need to also find out his religious background, but if he is Ibo, there's no need for further investigation because 99.9% of Ibos are Christian by religion. But if he is a Yoruba, then you need to find out his religion because in Yoruba tribe, there are majorly three dominant religions- Christianity, Islam, and Ifa. For the Hausas, 98% practice Islam.
We also have the Bini, Ijaw, Ogoni, Fulani, etc. But they are in minority.
To give you a basic understanding of the Nigerian man, I will classify them in three, based on the three major tribes- Ibo, Yoruba, and Hausa.
The Ibo Man
The Ibo man originated from the Ibo tribe, found in the south-eastern region of Nigeria. By history, Ibos are known for trade and little agricultural activities like farming with hoe, etc. An Ibo man loves business, trade and anything that will make him to be in constant contact with money. The Ibos paid less attention to western education during colonialism, but after the civil war which ended in 1969, the Ibos diversified their interest to include western education, business, and for this reasons and more, they began to migrate within and across the Nigerian borders, which is the single reason why in every 10 Nigerians you see in a foreign nation, 4 is Ibo. Their desperate desire for success, financial prosperity, and wealth can be traced back to their ancestral history. History has also traced Ibo tribe to have an ancestral linkage with the Jews, and this can be seen in their ingenuity in so many human activities, especially in trade, craft, local technology, etc.
Ibos are no doubt the heart and prime movers of the Nigerian economy. They are innovative, creative, ambitious, peaceful, etc, but they love financial prosperity more than any other thing in life. You can play with an Ibo man's life, but don't play with his money! So when dealing with an Ibo man, make sure you don't play with his wallet; therefore, if you guard his wallet for him, you will always be his best friend. And this love for financial breakthrough is one of the things that make them very creative and ambitious in whatever they do in life. Note this, any shop, business, etc owned by a Nigerian in your country, go and find out, it is owned or founded by an Ibo man. The above assertion is not just applicable in foreign nations alone, but also in Nigeria.
What am I trying to say in essence? An Ibo man always carry in mind his monetary gain or benefit in whatever thing he does in life- be it business, education, relationship, etc. It is this trait that earned Ibos criticisms from other Nigerian tribes, because in whatever they are doing, they are always conscious of what they would gain financially. To wrap it up, Ibo man is just similar to a Chinese man in terms of- money consciousness, creativity, and craftsmanship.
The Ibo man of today dislikes polygamy, and he has his immediate family (parents and siblings) at heart, and if you want to win his heart, don't play with his immediate family. In fact, if you want to win his heart fast, and maybe get him running after you for marriage, you must show a committed interest in his immediate family.
The Yoruba Man
The Yoruba man comes from the Yoruba tribe, found in the south-western part of Nigeria. They are also found in Haiti, Togo, etc. The Yoruba man loves partying, celebrations and ceremonies, and he wouldn't mind borrowing to celebrate a ceremony- be it burial, child-naming, birthday, marriage, memorial, etc.
The Yorubas are the most educated tribe in Nigeria, and it has been a popular saying in Nigeria that in every Yoruba family, there is a professor. The Yorubas of the ancient times are known with agriculture (cocoa farming, rubber, etc). They are the pioneers of Nigeria's legal sector, and they are very good in that aspect. The Yoruba man is more immune to polygamy than the Ibo man. The Yoruba man loves peace a lot, and he is ready to part away with his money to make peace.
If you want a Yoruba man to have you at heart, always take him to parties, and if possible, organize parties for him often, and you're his best friend.
The Hausa Man
The Hausas are found in the northern part of Nigeria, and they have certain things in common with the North African nations, maybe as a result of their religion. Their most valued treasure is their Islamic religion; don't joke with it if you want to live in peace with them.
They are known with agricultural activities in large scale- farming, cattle rearing, etc. Honestly, they are the food hub of Nigeria. They are polygamous in nature, and it is also traditional for a Hausa man to marry more than one wife, if he so desires.
The Hausa man is peace-loving without his religion (Islam), he is generous, in fact, he is the most generous man amongst all Nigerian tribes, he's not so conscious of money, and he's ready to die for his religious belief. If you are not an Islam, it might be impossible for a Hausa man to marry you.
Before Falling In Love With A Nigerian Man
Haven learned one or two things about the Nigerian man, let's now look at some vital facts you mustn't ignore when deciding to date or marry a Nigerian man abroad.
If you truly want to marry or date a Nigerian man living abroad, and enjoy a lasting, genuine relationship, follow the rules below:
Don't marry a Nigerian man living illegally in your country or any foreign nation. A Nigerian man that finally made the harsh decision to leave his homeland to migrate to a foreign nation without legal travel and resident permits will do anything beyond his comfort to remain in that foreign nation because he knows that home is not the best for him. Therefore, he wouldn't mind marrying a foreign lady he may not truly love or like just to secure a resident permit. Therefore, if you truly want a lasting, genuine relationship or marriage with a Nigerian man abroad, make sure he is a legal resident with good means of livelihood.
Don't marry a Nigerian man you met abroad until you have known his true identity as regards to- marital status, family background, etc.
I made this point because some Nigerian men you see in your country are already married to a Nigerian lady here in Nigeria before they set out to travel abroad to look for a greener pasture.
Don't rush to marry a Nigerian man without a reasonable educational background.
Know his educational background because it matters a lot in determining his way of reasoning.
He might have been frustrated in life and seeking for a way out, and just faking love to get something from you, and once he gets that, he is off and creates bad name or image that all Nigerian men are evil, whereas it is not true..
There are awesome Nigerian men that can turn your life around for good, find them and stop going after bad guys spoiling the good image of Nigerian people.
If you truly have interest in Nigerian men, and you want to marry or date a Nigerian man, search for those living comfortably in Nigeria or Abroad with the above qualities (good education, good family background, legal residence, etc, etc).
If truly you want a sincere Nigerian man to marry or date, get one who is not living in Europe/America, etc illegally, and make sure he is doing a good steady job and well educated up to tertiary level. You know why? Because such Nigerians go into relationship with foreigners out of love and not for anything else like: securing permanent residence, monetary gains, etc.
Unfortunately, most of the aforementioned class of Nigerians would rather prefer to come back home and look for a wife, you know why? Because our cultural and traditional values are different, stronger and as such, supports marriage better. For instance, when a typical Nigerian couple is going through marital crises, they would hardly ever throw in the towel like it is generally done in the western countries. Remember, marriage in Nigeria is a union of two families- the man's and the woman's family, and as such the families would step in if things are getting out of hand and they would do whatever they can to settle the matter amicably within the family level. Nigerians in general, have unquestionable respect for their parents and would listen and obey them at any point in time.
The western culture is very weak in this aspect; marriage is just between the couples, families are not expected to come in, whether in good or in bad. Feminism and gender equality have both weakened marriage union in the western countries. In ever ship, there must be a captain...and naturally, men were ordained to be the captain of the marriage ship, but government policies, gender equality and feminism have jointly harmed marriage values in western countries, leading to high divorce rate.
Divorce is part of the western culture now due to certain practices like- feminism and gender equality, which is a fall out of the replace and don't repair concept. In western countries today, laws have made it very lucrative for women to divorce their husbands as such they don't even work hard at sustaining their marriages, since they would benefit more when the marriage is torn apart in a law court. In fact most western women instead of looking for ways of resolving marital crises, prefer to threaten their man with divorce, and this is a situation a true Nigerian man snares at.
Our culture also has roles and responsibilities for men and women in marriage. The woman looks after the day to day running of the home while the man provides for the home. It is deeply entrenched in our tradition and this has helped to maintain the respect and harmony in the house. The 50/50 concept of the western culture means there are two captains in one ship, resulting to unnecessary tension, arguments and confusion on roles and responsibilities. I know that some readers may not agree to this because to them it is the best practice, but let me now challenge you, how come the business world is yet to adopt this 50/50 concept if it is truly a good practice?
The bottom line of it all is that a typical Nigerian man with no hindrances would prefer to come back home to marry a Nigerian girl, so if you are non-Nigerian and in a relationship with a true Nigerian man then shine your eyes well! Or just take it as it is without expecting too much, that's my word for now, good luck!
My Eye-Opening Book for Foreign Ladies Dating Nigerian Men
Dear fans and readers,
I want to officially announce to you guys the launch of my eye-opening book titled: "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man", which I want to advice and encourage all foreign ladies dating, in a relationship or married to a Nigerian man to get a copy.
I wrote the book after years of helping foreign ladies fix their relationships and after helping to guide foreign ladies to make the best choice when befriending Nigerian men...you will come back to say: THANK YOU. I just published the book...and Amazon just approved it and added it to their Amazon Kindle store after a rigorous review of the book.
Kindly find the book here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H7NOF36
I answered most of the questions you definitely need to know...
Before you go into any other relationship or marriage with a Nigerian man, please try to get a copy of this book and read it from beginning to end...and after you purchase it, please make a short review...be honest in your review...recommend it to your close friends because it will save them from future heartbreak and will also guide them on how to make the best choice of a Nigerian man.
Thanks...hope to hear from you all soon.
Frank Anok
This article was not written to destroy the good image of Nigerians! It wasn't written to paint foreign men evil either, but it was written out of love and passion to create a positive change in the institution of interracial dating and marriage, so that we all can enjoy a happy world.
Don't let this article stop you from reaching out for love, but let it guide you towards making a sound judgment that would lead you to a happy relationship and marriage.
Feminism and gender equality are good practices, but dear single and married ladies, please don't let that man-made laws and policies destroy your life's happiness because not all man-made laws bring happiness when you follow them.
The true plan of God, and the natural architecture of marriage is that the husband should be the leader while the wife follows and helps him when he falls short, but never otherwise.
If you are a woman and you are earning more than your husband, please don't let this make you to become unruly and not submissive because every man wants a submissive woman.
To win the hearts of men- white, black, arab or asian, be humble, respectful and submissive and all men will worship the ground you walk on...but if you are pompous, proud and disrespectful to men just because you earn higher income than them, or just because you come from a rich family background, I tell you that you will live a miserable life, and most men of integrity will run far away from you, leaving you in the mercy of playboys ready to dribble your pompous heart away like Lionel Messi! Peace
very true
I live in australia and I'm engaged to a nigerian man. I would like to make it known that divorce is not lucrative for 'western' woman. I don't know where u got this idea from. In fact the vast majority if divorced woman experience a drastic drop in their living standards.
Secondly, all my friends and would love to stay home a be house wives. However, this is simply a dream for us as the cost of living demands a two income family. We are all fantasizing about the day when the men in our lives demand that we stop working!
I live in australia and I'm engaged to a nigerian man. I would like to make it known that divorce is not lucrative for 'western' woman. I don't know where u got this idea from. In fact the vast majority if divorced woman experience a drastic drop in their living standards.
Secondly, all my friends and would love to stay home a be house wives. However, this is simply a dream for us as the cost of living demands a two income family. We are all fantasizing about the day when the men in our lives demand that we stop working!
Hi. Great read. If choosing an African man to share your heart as a foreigner, explore countries like Senegal or The Gambia. They are little more compassionate towards women from my experience. BVow to stay married to my Nigerian husband and have for 13 years. He s full of unfolding scenarios.
hi im dating a wonderful ibo nigerian guy
we are in love we would love to get married he has never asked me money he has always told me to save money i feel so down becouse i would love him to join me in uk and try to look for a job for him
So you're saying that even if he lives here, works here, studied here to the graduate level, and has taken well to the "finer things in life" American-style, and is seeing a white American girl here, he will still go home and marry a Nigerian girl? I'm seeing and Igbo man, I asked if he was expected to marry a Nigerian girl, he said yes, I said so this is just a 'fun' thing then, he said no not necessarily there are just steps you take before one can even think of marriage. I'm a traditional Italian woman, I do not believe in divorce, and I've always wanted the traditional marriage dynamic: woman takes care of the household and children, man provides for the family, and he IS the king of his castle. I have a lot of emotions invested in this man, but I don't want to waste my time and end up heartbroken if he is just going to marry as his family wishes, without them even meeting me and learning what my values are and the kind of wife and mother I would be. What are your thoughts?
I am from the US. I have been cinversating with both an Igbo and a Yoruba man. I like both men a lot and they have each proposed to me. I do not know if they are serious or not. They are both living in different countries attending school. Both claim to be Princes. They have told me a little about their cultures and evenbteaching me their language. How can I tell if they are serious? They are 30 and I am 40. I need some serious advice here. Can you please help a sister out?
Wow... much to think about regarding how serious he is about our relationship then. I would hate to think that he's made up his mind that I would never go to Nigeria to live with him, or that I would keep our future children away from him. When I said I am a traditionalist when it comes to marriage, I meant in all aspects of the marriage, including allowing the husband to be the leader of the family and my partner in life, all of our lives. If my husband's heart so ached for permanent residency in Nigeria, then that is where we must be, together. My fear is that he may not know how willing I would be, and so may always have it in his mind that he's going to marry a Nigerian girl. He did say that his parents want him to marry naija, yet he has several friends with white wives and he thinks that is fine. Can you tell me, typically, how Nigerian parents would handle the idea of a white daughter-in-law, even if she is so completely devoted to their son, such as myself?
I have found this hub very interesting but I would like to add that things may have been like this in the past but they are not so cut and dry nowadays.
With exposure and education, more families are more receptive to inter-racial marriages. It might help if you learn what your guy's background is. If his family is poor or mostly illiterate, then you might have more cause to worry but if they are at least educated then hopefully they are more concerned about your values and character.
@ weary and any other lady who would like a feminine take on the issue of marrying a Nigerian man, please don't be so afraid of whether he can marry you.
Instead, I believe it is more the case of if he believes that what you share is special enough to take such a decision. Of course, he will consider the cultural differences and whether you can get along with his family especially his mom.
My honest take is if you love him enough to marry him, then pay special attention to learning the African culture (respect, morality, family values) If you can, make Nigerian friends and research as well. Whatever you learn will help ease the awkwardness if and when you meet his family.
Let him see you making a genuine effort and communicate at all times. Good luck!
I figure my husband cannot be an Igbo by your explanation .Lord have mercy on anyone that falls for steriotyping...but well..the internet is such a wide playground. :-)
This is a very interesting and informative post. I wish I had read it 3 months ago. I recently married an Igbo man Aug. 2012 and I basically broke EVERY rule you have here. I'm in this forever tho. He is living in a European country legally (has a valid residents permit). I intend to bring him here to U.S. and later, once we make enough money, we will build a home in the village and travel around.
I am so scared of marrige and then to add a yoruba man to the equation,All the things you are saying I have said to him,about marring a lady of his own ppl which he has asured me that he has no desire for them-but I just can't believe that, that is all you have been around and out of all my sisters there is not one that you will marry??he say no.
This Man has chased me since 2009 stalking me then,I would not talk to him for yrs so finally in 2011 I decide to answer him and at first I didn't even know he was the same man from another web site until he asked me if I remember him, I said yea from this site and he told me NO.and started telling me where we was having conversations years ago when he was in university out of his country,when he started telling me this I remember becaues he was the only person in that country I talked to, He want to marry but I told him he is to young for me of course this upset him because I said this but I truly believe when you have a age difference you think differently about thing,I have never been married because I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE i HAVE RINGS FROM OTHERS THAT WERE NOT FAITHFUL so i never went though with it-but I have told him that I want to live there he is against it and children as well,he want to be here in america with me -where we will marry and have a traditional wedding there b4 he come here-he is 32 and I am 48 I need it to be true all the way not for any other reasons or hidden agenda we are supposed to be Married soon,plz talk to me tell me what you make of this.....I love him but will not be made a fool of...
In tears, if I may interject my 2 cents, listen to your intuition. Usually your initial thought is your guiding thought. Try to think back to that first feeling you had about your situation. Since no one knows all the details of your situation but you and your guy it is you who has to examine each detail and determine whether you will go forward. I am only speaking from my own experience since I am currently and newly married to an Igbo man. My initial thought was a resounding WAIT! But I did not heed my inner voice and now am having to deal with uncertainties due to moving in the wrong timing. There are ways to find out if he is sincere...if you want to know send me a message and I will tell you what to do.
A couple of years ago then i was still in Utah, my husband and i got into a fight and he moved out and said he can't live with me and his son anymore because i cut him cheating seeing the messages and emails on his phone, and even pictures they snapped in the beach with a yong girl, he denials it and left for another state so that he can have al the time in world to be free with this girl. My heart could not contain the pains that i had to travel to my hometown, The a friend told me about a spell lady who helped her when she got dumped by her boyfriend. this sound crazy to me that my husband i trust with my life could do this to me. it was so unbelievable. I cried all night long, locked myself in a padded room, and thought about how miserable my life was, so i look at the web site my friend gave me about the spell lady at priestessifaagreatspellpowers.web.com, and i saw how powerful and helpful she would be. i contacted her and she decide to help me and guarantee me of results in 2days, i thgouht this was a joke, how can i see result so quickly, but i gave in to see, and at the actual time, my husband came apologising for all his stupid act, this looks sacry because this was so fast and accurate, But the most happiest part is that my family is once united again just as it was when we got married.
The spell lady has no measure and i can never stop spreading her good works for bringing me happiness and joy. She helped my friend and now am testifying to it, why not do the same and don't make mistake in meeting rip you off on your pain. her email is email@example.com,
Thanks spell goddess. you are wonderfully sweet to meet.
why only Nigeria what other country even with so white etc going so call Arab , i don't agree with your points
Enough of all these shit about Nigeria guys all the time, all these ladies complaining, don't they have men, good enough to marry them except Nigerians. Why must in every foreign country, ladies old and fat thinks, Nigerian guys owes them marriage, after wasting their youth, with their race that failed them. We don't have issue with sizes but be good looking and don't be 100yrs and want 18yrs Nigerian boy, As a white woman, would you wish that for your child. Am damn tired of this shit all the time, that's why am commenting.
Well i will point something clear, it might be harsh, but is real. Am an Igbo guy, and am married to a white too, It doesn't matter our tribe in Nigeria, cos in one way or the other, is similar. As a ibo man, i can never believe a woman can make me wealthy, or pay my bills. I don't need a woman for progress in this life, cos i know my potentials. We were born in culture that women are respected so much, cos they respect themselves. Is even hard for an Ibo rich woman to get married, cos we don't need her money or anything but we doubt their respect, if we get to marry them. A lot of them in entertainment are written off, in marriage issue in Ibo land, except they go far away from home. That's to show you, how strong our culture could be.
Women, has the way to let the opinion out, either preparing good meal and share their problem or during bedtime is soft tone, . You dare not shout to us in public, mostly European girls, who think they are the neck or whatever. We don't carry women's handbag in public or display love on the street,the way your men do, or buy flowers, Hail no. is like abomination to us sometimes. We do better things than that in our way cos we are generous and hate when our woman lack that we can provide, not FLOWER. And if you must live forever with us, you must go on our way.
Foreign women complain shit about Nigerian guys, Why wont he leave you, hence all you wanted in the married is sex. that's the only interesting topic that some whites girls can share with us, reading how many hours a Nigerian guy can last and the sizes of dick in Nigerian guys. If you share those thought with us, we might call you a bitch one day, even if you are married already. keep ur dirty thought to urself. Is bulshit As an ibo man, if that what she desire all the time and don't think how will make good life. Am sorry, is over will definitely comes in. Some of the European white, pretending to love Nigerian and the culture to entice the man into marriage and after that, they will change and start showing how they wish the man should live forever in her country, instead planning how the can invest and visit the husband home country, Even though we live in your town, we don't like everything there too, we do miss home, even if is the worst place on earth to you.
As an ibo man Nigerian
1.We have good trained girls at home, even though we travel a lot we know they exist. We even hardly married other tribes in Nigeria, not to talk of inter racial. So if you are white woman in love, you have to respect yourself and don't think being in your country, you can do anything you like cos that will make us start thinking of going home to the ones we know..
2. An ibo man, wont see a future with any woman, who don't welcome his culture, who hardly show interest in it. Some white women, wants their child to bear white meaningless name, we don't like it. cos our names has religious meaning check, doing that makes us feel, we have lost our kids and the end will start coming. If you so desire your country name,so much, marry a man of your coutry, who don't have issue with it
3. We don't stay abroad forever, we love our family and our land of origin, reminding us that we have to see them, visit home, will make you s forever with us and we will respect you more, but stopping us, is like divorcing yourself.
4 As an ibo man, we think about wealth and money and good family life almost round the clock and we work hard for it, sometimes, we want to be left alone to think, even though some women think, we are lossing interest or having another affair Hail NO.
5. Don't you ever say shit about an Ibo man's mother. He can destroy you for that, We love our mother, more than our lives and you as a wife, must show us that you welcome it. We love our wives too so much, but the both are different. Wife should not cross her boundary and so do our mother. Is not matter of White or black, if you don't respect my mother, then leave. Never tell ibo man how to treat his mother, he already knows, just listen and support anything he says about his mother, even if she is dead, don't be surprise, the love will still be there. cos is meant only only her.
That's why, when an Igbo man joins Occult in the olden days, they first demand is his mothers life cos they know is hard for him to give away. Some don't do it, and run mad or die. that's to show you they love.
6.No matter how difficult things might be for an Ibo man, he doesn't let go his pride. When you earn 10,000dollars amonth, Is nothing in his eyes, that's why you can't say or do shit or try to control him
8. We respect our tradition, and inheritance and wish our kids would know them, irrespective of where, they are born. Any woman, ignoring this, is signing herself out.
9. Marrying to a some foreign/white women, is sometimes more of prison than enjoyment, it doesn't go down well with an ibo man. Cos we can't leave our sisters or old friend cos you are in. As long they know we are married is ok. but Your nagging and jealousy, snitching up and down shows that a woman has no self esteem to be with us. We love on confident women.
10. We hate that our women works, if not bad economy and some circumstances our dream is to provide all that they will need, then she has to be a good cook or at least try her best. Eating outside and stuffs, sometimes, makes us feel that we are still single.. We hate polygamy but we leave any marriage that we have try so hard to make it work but couldn't.
That's all i have to say, Nigerian men are not the only men. Am tired of white girls asking me, once they notice my friend is Nigerian, why my friends don't want to marry, As if as a Nigeria, you must marry abroad or go interracial, NO, some don't wish it. Focus on Asian men, Arabs and other Africans please. Lastly if we leave in your country and married to you and you feel you wont respect or humble yourself as a woman, Then that marriage, might be turned in to normal relationship, without your notices. divorce is not our culture, we respect only women that resepect themselves and know how to talk us. Black or White, nagging and blabbing all the time is the best way to drive Nigeria guy away. . Thanks
Hi Everyone. I need your advise, I am confuse.
I am an Asian woman. I met a Nigerian man in a dating site 3 years ago. I am 24 and he is 32.
For 3 years we only talk online and on web cam. We haven't seen each other in person. He is an American citizen, living and working in California. His parents are living in Michigan.
He invited me to have a vacation in Hawaii on the early year of our relationship. I declined his invitation because it is very expensive for me and I was only a fresh graduate from college at that time and he did not say that he will shoulder all the costs. He also invited me to visit him and his parents' place some time ago. He even told me that his mom is willing to buy me plane ticket but I said no and I told him that he should be the one to buy me. I told him that I will only visit him there if he visited me in my country first and he agreed on that. He is planning to visit me for the first time this Jan. 2013 but I told him to move it to June 2013 because I am buying some time to think. He said he will make love to me on his visit. I am a conservative woman; I want marriage first before having sex. I told him that but no comments from him. I know I want him too but I fear so many things. I have so many "what ifs". I don't know what's in his mind. I don't know if he is serious with me. I don't want to ask him if he plans to marry me because I don't want to be seemed nagging at him. I want him to speak with me freely without stressing him. I told him that I want a normal relationship, a man I can see every day. He was upset that I doubt our relationship and even told me that he never doubt us. I am excited to see him in person but I am afraid as well. Tell me what to do.
our cultural and traditional values are different, stronger and as such, supports marriage better.this is what Nigerians say must.but I am married with yoruba man and he has 3 sisters.non of them has husband.one is in open relationship with married man.second one has illegal born child.3th one is divorced.and must Nigeria women accept polygamy as norm of life.so where is ur support for better marriage.
Heeey M2_ways! That is a great comment. I love it. You sound just like my husband in what you're saying. I like the way you just tell it straight like it is. It will be helpful to many people reading to face the reality of the situation.
I am very glad that I found this site. I am hoping that someone here can shed some light on my situation.
I'm an African American who has been married to my Nigerian (Edo) husband for 3 years (we've been 2gether for 5 years). The past year of this marriage has been very turbulent. I too have broke every rule mentioned in this article. Not to go too much in depth, but the past 2yrs has been very hard for us financially. I decided to return to school to seek my MS degree in order to make more money and my husband went to Nigeria seeking "business". He told me he would be gone 30-days and he has been gone 8 months now. I am devastated. He sends money to help out with bills when he can, but every time I ask him when he's returning he comes up with one excuse after the next. Your "western woman divorce philosophy" is right on point. I'm contemplating a divorce. I can deal with financial problems and I'm willing to go through that with my husband if need be, but only if we are working the situation out while we are living together. A marriage doesn't exist if 2 parties are not living underneath one roof. As months have dwindled on, his phone calls have become less frequent and when we do talk he cuts it very short. Some days go by when I don't even hear from him. I've been begging him to return. Suggesting that we downsize, sell our cars, etc. and he won't hear of it. I'm still in my early 30's and there is enough time to move on, find love, and have a family. I've been through so much with this man and it's hard to let go.
My family and friends have my mind so messed up with telling things like.. "he has a family over there" "he used you for papers" "he's a con artist" etc. There was one point and time when I did not believe any of these things about him. Now, I'm not so sure.
He doesn't have a "tertiary" education and he didn't have papers before we got married. None of these things bothered me bc I thought he was in love with me. He has very wealthy friends and he has always been able to support us prior to our financial woes. He's not a leach. He has a great personality, very caring, very religious, and always supportive.
I'm really looking for insight into this matter. I have some Nigerian friends and they keep telling me, "oh he's probably searching for business". What does this "business" mean anyway?? Prior to us getting married I asked him if he took prolonged trips to Nigeria bc he has a family member that left his wife (who is not Nigerian) in American for 2 yrs. He assured me that when he goes he only stays for abt a month and that has been the norm up until this last trip.
I asked him about returning and just looking for a full time job, he told me he could never work a full time job. I'm so confused. I won't blame this on him and I will never blame it on the culture. I blame myself for not doing the research to find out who this man really was. What his background consisted of, what are his beliefs when it came to marriage, where did he see his career progressing to, etc. I'm much smarter than my actions have proven me to be. I guess I was so caught up in the two of us being in love and having someone in my life who has reciprocated the love I felt for them. I'm really worried about him.
I really want to know if I should end this marriage and assume that he has moved on over there?
I met a Yoruban man online... He was a scammer.. He told me this and has apologised many times.. He insists he wants to marry me cus he has fallen inlove with me for real.
We have been talking every day for hors and hours for 13 months we also talk on the phone and he is teaching me Yoruban.
There are some problems I'm concerned with. I'm older than him, although I look a lot younger.
And he was in a relationship with a Nigerian woman, he says that's over and she is seeing another man now, yet she remains on his facebook page as in relationship status,
My man wants me to go to Nigeria and marry him there..
I am worried about all these problems and part of me is worried about why he wants me to go to Nigeria to marry.
Am I right to worry?
He does say he can come to me but it would take longer and all he wants to do is get married to me.
Accofranco... Thank you.. I felt guilty feeling this way, but glad I voiced my worries.
I think I would visit him but with everyone knowing where I am going to.
Everything he says checks out, but he was good at what he did, so I am wary still.
He knows this and says he can come here first if I wish.
If this happens it won't be for at least another six months.
Thank you for your time in replying to this hub.
@accofranco Thank-you for very much for your response. It was insightful.
I'm going to try really hard to work on keeping my marriage in tact. Despite everything I have been dealing with, my husband has invited me to come to Nigeria many times, but as previously stated our financial situation is not stable and I work and attend school full-time to help support our home, so with that much going on I wouldn't be able to be gone for more than 3 days; and with the amount of money it costs to get a ticket and travel time, it wouldn't be worth it. Anyhow, I graduate in a few months and hopefully this leads to better employment and some additional free time. I hope he comes home soon. I'll take ur advice and also try to exercise some additional patience even though its been challenging to say the least..
Thanks so much
I am so happy I dropped over this webpage today.
Here is my story and I would be very happy if someone could answer and consult me ...
I am German and with a Nigerian man since 6 months now. We met on internet. Initially he tried to scam me ... told him that I don't believe his history - then he unvealed his "real" name and being in very short amount of time (days). And our "virtual" relationship started. We meet daily on internet / WebCam and text several times a day and normally phone every other day.
He since some time asks me to marry him. Strangely enough kind of a real relationship grew despite the difficult start though.
All my friends here in Germany warn me - and I agree in a lot if not all points ... but still there is the love that grew over time and that I cannot set off (and he tried and couldn't either because his friends also warned him, his family in contrast ... his mother especially ... obviously said he is so happy since he met me, so I am good for him and she wants to meet me???).
He recently got pretty sick (severe malaria and typhus) during this time medical treatment has been necessary - he lost his job and couldn't afford medical treatment necessary (I helped out financially therefore, for hospital treatment only, he didn't want to get other support).
He wants to come to live in Germany as I actually cannot go to Nigeria - but as he didn't finish his studies to a master level (has a Nigerian BS), he doesn't get a job here if he has not at least a MS level passed so he is back at university (at age of 35) since 2 months and tries to complete his education first. He has started learning German and achieved a pretty good level, given the fact that he only started this 5 months ago and tries to teach me Yoruba (my progress is much less convincing).
In addition I am 5 years older and have children (he hasn't ... but meanwhile skypes and texts with mine regularly).
So we hit more or less all "to be cautious" points ... and still can't leave the one from the other.
I plan to visit him in Nigeria in May as he doesn't stop asking and seems to have serious interest in me coming to Nigeria and knowing his family and friends.
Could you please share your insight thoughts and everyone: you are welcome to comment and advise - as I am completely unsure, worried and confused (comments from here in Germany, I have no Nigerian friends and what I experience in the "relationship"). Thanks so much!
YOU already KNOW the answer to this otherwise you would not be worried. First CLUE - he tried to scam you at first! So what makes you think he didn't just change his approach. Get out of that please, I don't believe in it at all. I have first hand experience with these men and I know how they operate. I have seen it with my own eyes. Your own women's intuition is warning you. Listen to that.
Am going out with a Nigerian guy in my country, and he has shown me he loves me very much. in fact i have no doubt about because he does not depend on me. He rather spend so much on me,( his time, money) and am convinced he truly loves me. So i think there are few good ones out there. I don't think all of them are bad. I use to think that way until I met this guy and he has showed me a big difference. We will be getting married in a few month
... so you think that there is no possibiliy that this is something real? ...
Do you really think someone would lear German just for scamming?
I am worried not because of what happened, but because I don't have a real feeling about that - or that famous first thought /intiution.
I need to know the process of getting my American Wedding legalized in his home country Nigeria. This is more for my future protection than anything else. I do not trust anyone from there to handle it for me.
Please I need your help. How can I legally register my American marriage in his home country of Nigeria? This is for my protection and he promised he would do it to prove he has good intentions toward me making this his only marriage. I really need to feel secure on this cause have heard so many horrible stories. Where do I go and how is it processed in the courts so it will be Nation-wide not just in his state?
Hi. so im dating a nigerian man. i love him so much and he says they same but after reading this it kinda got me worried. we met at a bar. he it here in canada on a work visa but he said he is trying to get residencey here. i have a son and am going to school. he always tries to pay for stuff for me and my son but i refuse because he has a big family back home and i feel they need it more and like im taking from them. but my question is should i be cautious with him or just be happy and see how thing work ouut.. im just scared because my son is getting really attcched to him.(he calls him his son) just want to add in there my son real dad passed away just before his first birthday he is going to be 4.
Hello accofranco and hello Deyigwe
Thank you two for your open words ... I still am not 100% sure where I got in and this is all a horrible mess, as not only my but also my sons feelings have been involved.
I am also not sure what to do next, as just breaking up actually is not that easily possible for me (uah, I know very well, that everything may well be huge lie ... on the other hand there is someone at the other end who - at least seems - to really care and who can do and say the right things, not something that can be taken for given or granted at any time).
I told him that I am not sure what all this is about and that I am not sure about who he really is. He still wants me to come (also when I stay in the hotel) and wants me to meet his parents (above all his mother as he said???) and relatives.
Any idea what this is about.
Regardless about how this whole mess story is going to end, my interest in Nigeria and the Nigerians has been raised, so I would be much interested in getting in contact with Nigerians of all kind (no interest in a love relationship or marriage, but in exchange and "friendship" if that would arise from a contact).
Also if you (or someone else) has suggestions for a nice, cosy, private hotel in Lagos, I would be very happy.
Hi gal i love you you have been so helpful because i am separating from my edo man in few days time
Hi Accofranco,
Some interesting article you've got here. I'll start by writing that there will always be a varyng reaction to all things emotional in lfe, LOVE included, therefore there are no real hard and fast rules about it. However, if we as humans invest so much studying, running and managing a business...doing everything to keep it afloat then we should borrow some of those traits when applying it to our relationshps which should be more precious to us. No right person goes into business with a person that cannot be trusted so why entrust your emotions to such a person. People need to stop beng overly emotional and apply common sense as it is required. Nobody can dictate what is right or wrong about your relationship, you are in it and you should keep your eyes and brain working to observe all that's going on in it. Regardless of tribe or race, a relationship with the right foundation, mutual understanding and respect is more likely to survive than one going by just looks, finance or what "your people" say is right. A lot of African societies, Nigeria included, have homes where the couple have stayed together in misery out of pressure to marry within their tribe or country. Domestic violence is rampant with women grinning and bearing it all in the name of not bringing shame to the family by not divorcing (I am so NOT for divorce). Some couples, men and women, have taken to becoming unfaithful as they are no longer able to bear their spouse or partners, some have gone as far as killing their spouses due to the frustration to 'conform'.... AND SO ON.
I've been blessed to meet people from all walks of life, white, black, asian....... and i can say that no one holds a ONE SIZE FITS ALL advise on relationships- whether relationships between people of the same race and tribe or intermarriages/relationships.
I have to mention, Accofranco, that reading from an "outsider's" point of view, i can tell that some of your comments are not without partiality, prejudice or favouritism. Having been brought up in a community of Nigerians consisting of ALL three major nigerian tribes and other minority tribes, i must say that your depiction of men from the three tribes either exaggerates some characteristics or just fails to promote some more obvious endearing characters they all possess. This also applies to some of your references to the "western culture"- divorce is not a western culture, all you need is a chat with the older adults in the western world and you will realise that the concept of divirce does not sit well with them either. Divorce is growing all over the world, in fact, statics for Nigeria has shown a steep rate of divorve since the late 90s. I'll follow in line with how you've broken things down in your article: Ibos and Yorubas are majorly Christians and Ifa is more to do with the traditional gods. gods with different names are still worshipped in all parts of Nigeria, albeit amongst a minority within the Ibo tribe compared to the Youruba tribe. The Hausas also have their traditional gods.
The Ibo Man: Definitely very industrious and a pride to Nigeria when it comes to business. They are indeed shrewd business men which can be mistaken for being a greed for money. Of course there will always be the exceptions to the rule.
You express that "Ibos are no doubt the heart and prime movers of the Nigerian economy". It is difficult to say this WITHOUT A DOUBT BECAUSE there will be need for empirical evidence to judge which tribe moves and shakes Nigeria. I don't know about the Ibos being linked to Jews but i do know that they are true Nigerian men....Loyal and full of integrity.
The Yoruba Man: I noticed that you had a lot to write about the Ibos and not as much to write about the Hausas and yorubas. In fact, you sound almost dismissive when referring to the Yorubas- this came across in a 'partial' light- this is just my observation. All human forms need a social balance in their life to a degree and life cannot be one big party to a whole tribe of men....you might have a strong minority predisposed to excessive leisurely activities but it would be wrong to have your main description of a whole tribe of men as "If you want a Yoruba man to have you at heart, always take him to parties, and if possible, organize parties for him often, and you're his best friend" AND "Yoruba man loves partying, celebrations and ceremonies, and he wouldn't mind borrowing to celebrate a ceremony- be it burial, child-naming, birthday, marriage, memorial, etc". I grew up around a strong Igbo community in the UK and i have so many Ibo friends who are more like sisters and brothers to me; even with this i have to be fair and say the the big Yoruba community were not just about partying. They were hardworking, loyal and full of integrity as well. I found them sometimes more likely to open their doors to other Nigerian tribes. Your short 'script' about the Yorubas reflected some shortsightedness on your end seeing as it came across like you know more about the Ibos than Yorubsa and Hausas so your views did come across as prejudiced even if that was not your intention.
The Hausa Man: The Hausas are pleasantly simple in their ways and can still be peaceful even with their religion. Like with all religioins of the world, there will always be radical-unfortunately the radical Hausa's actions can lead to disastrous consequences. Albeit, they are very accommodating and down to earth. They are also loyal, straightforward and full of integrity. I like that you mentioned the Hausa's generosity as i have found this to be true, so that was well highlighted.
All men of these tribes are men with morales and values, they hold their families in high regards and they are to be proud of. No one is perfect and there will always be the 'bad eggs' in every society.
It is important to mention to ladies -foreign or not- that you CANNOT base your judgements about your relationships on recommendations made on the internet as we humans are predisposed to favoritism whether intentional or not. And until anyone has lived within and FULLY understood other tribes and culture then it would be unfair to depict then in your own light or in what you've heard about them OR in what some part of society think if them. Not all Ibo men will do anything for money, Not all Yoruba men are party animals and Not all Hausa men are terrible with their religion. We as Nigerians need to start seeing each other in a more positive light as UNITY overcomes a lot. How can we complain of prejudice and racism abroad when we are yet to accept ourselves. There have been too many broken relationships due to tribalism yet you will find some of these tribalist accepting a non-Nigerian due to tribal prejudice. The truth is, there are so many inter-tribal children more than a lot of Nigerian realise, especially between Yorubas and Ibos, so we need to stop this South west, East and North divide and begin to embrace ourselves. I have tried approaching this as a Nigerian who grew up in a diverse Nigerian-UK community where we were all happy as children and now as adults relating in love and kiinship. My experience of the whole tribal prejudice 'thing' has been more with Nigerians in Nigeria, maybe it is just coincidental but that's been my observation.
So whether you're a foreign girl or 'local' girl like myself, use the common sense that God has given you. Apply some wisdom when making bodily and emotional investments, even more than you would apply when making monetary investments. Your body and emotions are more precious therefore keep them sacred for the right marriage partner. If you have so much doubt about something or someone, then walk away. It is not the end of life. You have the free-will to steer certain courses in your life journey so take control and stop looking for someone to tell you what to do or who to date. Stand in love and ensure your love in not blind so that you're able to see what you're getting yourself into- whether with a black, white or asian man.
I don't often visit hub pages but thank you for taking the time to read this.
Remain blessed all and best wishes in you decision making.
Hi Accofranco,
Some interesting article you've got here. I'll start by writing that there will always be a varyng reaction to all things emotional in lfe, LOVE included, therefore there are no real hard and fast rules about it. However, if we as humans invest so much studying, running and managing a business...doing everything to keep it afloat then we should borrow some of those traits when applying it to our relationshps which should be more precious to us. No right person goes into business with a person that cannot be trusted so why entrust your emotions to such a person. People need to stop beng overly emotional and apply common sense as it is required. Nobody can dictate what is right or wrong about your relationship, you are in it and you should keep your eyes and brain working to observe all that's going on in it. Regardless of tribe or race, a relationship with the right foundation, mutual understanding and respect is more likely to survive than one going by just looks, finance or what "your people" say is right. A lot of African societies, Nigeria included, have homes where the couple have stayed together in misery out of pressure to marry within their tribe or country. Domestic violence is rampant with women grinning and bearing it all in the name of not bringing shame to the family by not divorcing (I am so NOT for divorce). Some couples, men and women, have taken to becoming unfaithful as they are no longer able to bear their spouse or partners, some have gone as far as killing their spouses due to the frustration to 'conform'.... AND SO ON.
I've been blessed to meet people from all walks of life, white, black, asian....... and i can say that no one holds a ONE SIZE FITS ALL advise on relationships- whether relationships between people of the same race and tribe or intermarriages/relationships.
I have to mention, Accofranco, that reading from an "outsider's" point of view, i can tell that some of your comments are not without partiality, prejudice or favouritism. Having been brought up in a community of Nigerians consisting of ALL three major nigerian tribes and other minority tribes, i must say that your depiction of men from the three tribes either exaggerates some characteristics or just fails to promote some more obvious endearing characters they all possess. This also applies to some of your references to the "western culture"- divorce is not a western culture, all you need is a chat with the older adults in the western world and you will realise that the concept of divirce does not sit well with them either. Divorce is growing all over the world, in fact, statics for Nigeria has shown a steep rate of divorve since the late 90s. I'll follow in line with how you've broken things down in your article: Ibos and Yorubas are majorly Christians and Ifa is more to do with the traditional gods. gods with different names are still worshipped in all parts of Nigeria, albeit amongst a minority within the Ibo tribe compared to the Youruba tribe. The Hausas also have their traditional gods.
The Ibo Man: Definitely very industrious and a pride to Nigeria when it comes to business. They are indeed shrewd business men which can be mistaken for being a greed for money. Of course there will always be the exceptions to the rule.
You express that "Ibos are no doubt the heart and prime movers of the Nigerian economy". It is difficult to say this WITHOUT A DOUBT BECAUSE there will be need for empirical evidence to judge which tribe moves and shakes Nigeria. I don't know about the Ibos being linked to Jews but i do know that they are true Nigerian men....Loyal and full of integrity.
The Yoruba Man: I noticed that you had a lot to write about the Ibos and not as much to write about the Hausas and yorubas. In fact, you sound almost dismissive when referring to the Yorubas- this came across in a 'partial' light- this is just my observation. All human forms need a social balance in their life to a degree and life cannot be one big party to a whole tribe of men....you might have a strong minority predisposed to excessive leisurely activities but it would be wrong to have your main description of a whole tribe of men as "If you want a Yoruba man to have you at heart, always take him to parties, and if possible, organize parties for him often, and you're his best friend" AND "Yoruba man loves partying, celebrations and ceremonies, and he wouldn't mind borrowing to celebrate a ceremony- be it burial, child-naming, birthday, marriage, memorial, etc". I grew up around a strong Igbo community in the UK and i have so many Ibo friends who are more like sisters and brothers to me; even with this i have to be fair and say the the big Yoruba community were not just about partying. They were hardworking, loyal and full of integrity as well. I found them sometimes more likely to open their doors to other Nigerian tribes. Your short 'script' about the Yorubas reflected some shortsightedness on your end seeing as it came across like you know more about the Ibos than Yorubsa and Hausas so your views did come across as prejudiced even if that was not your intention.
The Hausa Man: The Hausas are pleasantly simple in their ways and can still be peaceful even with their religion. Like with all religioins of the world, there will always be radical-unfortunately the radical Hausa's actions can lead to disastrous consequences. Albeit, they are very accommodating and down to earth. They are also loyal, straightforward and full of integrity. I like that you mentioned the Hausa's generosity as i have found this to be true, so that was well highlighted.
All men of these tribes are men with morales and values, they hold their families in high regards and they are to be proud of. No one is perfect and there will always be the 'bad eggs' in every society.
It is important to mention to ladies -foreign or not- that you CANNOT base your judgements about your relationships on recommendations made on the internet as we humans are predisposed to favoritism whether intentional or not. And until anyone has lived within and FULLY understood other tribes and culture then it would be unfair to depict then in your own light or in what you've heard about them OR in what some part of society think if them. Not all Ibo men will do anything for money, Not all Yoruba men are party animals and Not all Hausa men are terrible with their religion. We as Nigerians need to start seeing each other in a more positive light as UNITY overcomes a lot. How can we complain of prejudice and racism abroad when we are yet to accept ourselves. There have been too many broken relationships due to tribalism yet you will find some of these tribalist accepting a non-Nigerian due to tribal prejudice. The truth is, there are so many inter-tribal children more than a lot of Nigerian realise, especially between Yorubas and Ibos, so we need to stop this South west, East and North divide and begin to embrace ourselves. I have tried approaching this as a Nigerian who grew up in a diverse Nigerian-UK community where we were all happy as children and now as adults relating in love and kiinship. My experience of the whole tribal prejudice 'thing' has been more with Nigerians in Nigeria, maybe it is just coincidental but that's been my observation.
So whether you're a foreign girl or 'local' girl like myself, use the common sense that God has given you. Apply some wisdom when making bodily and emotional investments, even more than you would apply when making monetary investments. Your body and emotions are more precious therefore keep them sacred for the right marriage partner. If you have so much doubt about something or someone, then walk away. It is not the end of life. You have the free-will to steer certain courses in your life journey so take control and stop looking for someone to tell you what to do or who to date. Stand in love and ensure your love in not blind so that you're able to see what you're getting yourself into- whether with a black, white or asian man.
I don't often visit hub pages but thank you for taking the time to read this.
Remain blessed all and best wishes in you decision making.
I have read all the comments and questions on this page and I could use some advice. Here's the situation: I'm a Canadian, and I've had a long distance relationship with a Yoruba man for almost a year, on and off. He lives in Fiji (legally as far as I know), where he's been for around 8 years, going to school and working - he told me he went there as a refugee. He's 40, and told me from the beginning he was looking for a wife, and that his family had royal blood lines and he was expected to have children. His mother pressures him and gets upset with him for not being married yet. We talked for a year or so, and became very good friends, then we became very close about a year ago, and he told me I stole his heart and he wanted to marry me. The issue is that I can't have more children without expensive help from a fertitily doctor, and I am a single mom with 2 children already. We talked about the possibility of having the treatments, but after some health issues I had last year (i'm 38 btw), I feel too afraid to risk pregnancy. After some heartbreaking thought, I finally told him and things fell apart pretty quick. I stopped talking to him and he went through a tough time but after a while we started talking again. We talk daily through online chatting, phone calls and texting, and he finally opened up to me that he still really loves me, but the problem of having kids is in the way. I can't even describe how bad it makes me feel that I love this person so much, yet I can't give him what he needs or wants. That's when he very carefully brought up the idea that we could marry anyway, if I gave him permission to have another wife that could have his children. My first reaction, honestly, was a flood of happiness and relief that he cares about me that much, I really thought it was over. Also, I'm not against polygamy in general, as long as it's all consenting adults, I don't find it an offensive situation, but that's an objective opinion which is a different story then being asked to live it for myself. I have to say, I"ve met a lot of men, but I continue to talk to this one because he is intelligent, handsome, caring, warm, and ambitious. We have a lot in common in spite of being from such different cultural backgrounds. He has never lied to me that I know of, if anything I would say he's honest to a fault, and as for me, I don't have trouble getting men, so if you're thinking I'm considering this out of desperation because i'm too ugly or old to find anyone in person, that's not the case. I have high standards and I want a relationship with someone smart, exciting, challenging, and kind, and he is all of those things. I'm planning to visit him in Fiji soon, and I told him I would hold off any decisions about the future until we've spent time together in person. Please tell me if this sounds totally crazy or if I'm blinded by love. Should I run the other way?
All I can say is WOW! I would have never thought that this was such a hot topic. I to have been in a relationship with a Nigerian man(unk tribe) will be asking that question shortly....lol. The things said have been very informative. I appreciate the thought put into the information you did reveal. I won't say much about my relationship but, there have been times that I thought I misjudged his character and started to second guess myself. I have made a list of all the appropriate questions and will be learning more about this man before the night is over. Thanks again for the help. This was definitely a great read.
@accofranco I was with a Yoruba guy who just recently broke up with me because his family didn't approve of us dating because I am a black American. From my understanding, they didn't approve of it because of the cultural differences. He's 22 the oldest of four and I'm 24, the only child. They've been in the states now for 6 years. We really love each other but I guess he had to make a choice because he's been dealing with this for months, fighting with his parents, but I didn't know about it until now......the day that we broke up. I've known him for 3 years and I just don't think that God put us together only for it to end because of this.
His parents have met me but they have never taken the time to truly get to know me. I feel as if they actually took the time to get to know me as well as my intentions that they would understand that I am not out to harm their culture if anything am interested in it and willing to engage in it. I'm always asking questions about the things that I see that are different than my own culture and I'm always intrigued to know more. I love their culture because I am very open-minded to new things. To be honest, you wouldn't believe the things that we have in common even though we were raised entirely different. But I feel that his family has never given me the opportunity to see any of this. I have done things for him as well as his family without them even knowing any of this. So, to make a long story short, I want to just talk and sit down with his mother about everything so that hopefully she will see me as not being a culturally different foreign but as a true, human being who cares about her son with no intension on changing his culture. It's really unfair to me because I have no control over where I was born, that was God's plan, and I really feel as though they are judging me because of what I was born into. I also want to show him that I'm serious about this and that he's not the only want who wants to fight for this. Do you think this is a good idea? If so, how should I approach her without being disrespectful? because at the end of the day, I don't have anything to lose and at least I can say I tried.
Lady be careful with any african men, all african men are the some because all the african culture are all the some, an african men to stay all his rest of life with an western woman that can happen to them all always an african men need an black woman because of they way an african woman treat a man with respect and value her men, no like western women you treat our men like our slave any man need to be value, for my own experience im living with a man who is a nigeria but he has a white woman with children but always i say to me he can end up he is life with an ayibo woman even he go back to nigeria with that woman and children everyone will take that like a joke no one will value that family and always he said that with tear in his eyes now is beging me to give him a black child, all his friends, family know is me is proper wife and they respect me than his wife and if is with me is very happy than when his in his house. please lady open our eyes no one can leave a black woman to a white woman even white men knows that our men are happy with us...
I don't know who this writer is, he she demonstrated little knowledge of Nigerian history. First, of all, there is no evidence that suggest that Igbos have Jewish ancestry or related to Jews, it is pure propaganda.
Second, you're so naïve by saying that the best way to have a Yoruba man heart is to take him to parties. You don't know anything about Yoruba people and their rich culture.
There is nothing worse than a 25 year old Mamma's boi. We call them pussys in America and if you can't handle being more than a village boi, then u should marry a gud Nigerian girl, doing the hard work as a igbo man on your own without the help of a white person before u dupe one of Gods daughters. Even Igbo know Karma will bite you and your loved ones in the ass for their or your ill actions. Your entire family will suffer
Hello! aceeafg interesting aceeafg site! I'm really like it! Very, very aceeafg good!
in 2005 I split from a Nigerian guy who got sent back home due to visa issues and I met another Nigerian when at the time I was a mess drinking and living recklessly I was totally distraught and heartbroken after having two miscarriages with the guy who got sent back, at the time I was 17. I was living with a male friend at the time of meeting the second guy told me he loved me after one day of seeing him and asked me to move in with him so I did because I didn't have anywhere to go and my relationship with my parents wasn't good as I ran away at the age of 15.
Basically we have been married for five years now and have got two boys we got engaged when I was pregnant with my first son.
I didn't understand how the visa system worked at the time because I was so young while I was pregnant in went back to Nigeria twice and didn't go back again till our son was 18months and because he had overstayed they cancelled his visa, I was so upset with him for not being honest with me in the first place he has always been very hard working and had money but also used someone else's identity to work in the Uk before. So when he got sent back he asked me on the phone if we could get married I said I would think about it and I did for the reasons being I loved this man and I didn't want him to suffer or my child to be without his dad. But I wasn't happy on my wedding day as we got married in Nigeria and none of my family were there and I wasn't sure it was the right thing I was doing and none of my family knew I was getting married too they were upset that I had done it behind there back but I felt pressured as my husband begged me. After we got married we applied for spouses visa it got refused the first time and so I had to go back to Nigeria to fight for my husband to come back, after two years he applied for leave to remain which he got straight away and then after about a year and a half he started to apply for his British passport but was trying to do it secretly and when I asked him why he didn't tell he we would say it was none of my business, we also had another child by now. Also to add he has a child that lives in Ireland with her mother who is Nigerian too my husband and herself are Yoruba people an shes also carries his surname but he claims never have been married to her which I do not believe and theses reasons are why we always end up in quarrels because I do not trust him. He doesn't talk to the woman or daughter apart from when he decides which is like every few years.
We have always been having arguments since the beginning of our relationship, When I gave birth to my second child he left to go to Nigeria when he was two weeks old because he has a business out there and had to go and work and has been doing it for three years now I feel like he mentally abuses and manipulates me but he says that e loves me and I do not believe him because I do not think he treats me well he does send money and buy things but this is not what I think love is about and always have in the back of my mind that is with me for papers and I also tell him this, he says that he is just waiting for me to fuck up then he is gone.
Hello all,
I have met my Nigerian man through on line dating. After a month of online talking and at least 50 sms a day he simply vanished. At first he didn't answer his phone, then number was changed. Would not respond to my e-mails... All this time he knew I know he is a scammer. After 40 days of tears and pain for this man, he finally phoned me and told me everything about him. Same night we went on skype and he introduced himself. A very handsome man I have to admit. Problem? Yes. He is 10 years younger than me. Reason for his disappearance was that he liked me a lot and didn't want to hurt me. But after reading my sms and emails he realised that I love him for who really is and could not bear to be in touch with me. After 6 months, he invited me to visit him in country he is living. Was I scared? God NO! Him waiting for me at the airport was something that I will remember for the rest of my life. We stayed at the hotel that we both agreed we liked and booked on line together. Hotel stuff loved us so much...called us "a beautiful couple, a perfect couple". We only had eyes for each other. He even ironed my clothes!!! We did go to his place, he introduced me to his flat mate and few other fiends. A week later and time for me to go back home was very emotional for both of us. Again..phone calls, sms -at least 100 a day, skype every day. 2 moths later we agreed that we have been long enough apart and I should visit him again. We both had a time of our lives. He introduced me everywhere we went. Some people seem to knew about me already. We are now planning my trip again, except this time we will visit my country embassy for him to get a viza and visit me. Do we plan our future together? YES we do. This man showed me nothing but attention, care and love. I love my Nigerian man with my life and would not give him up for anything in this world. As for bad things...hey...every race, religion have good and bad. Bad doing? We all did something silly in our lives, didn't we? But someone good comes along and people do change for better.
Very interesting ... I married an igbo man before, they are not that, bad, they know how to take care of their woman's, but 1 thing you should know, they almost never married a European or non igbo woman for real, even if you are with them for 10 years, the always go back home, to get married... First son is even worse, is a must that they married from home... I think igbo people are the reason why Nigeria men have a bad name on non African woman... I don't know much about other tripes, but 50% of other tripes married for real with woman that is not from their tripes.
God punish your generation for what you wrote in this site. well. is not your fault. Is nigeria nepa that give you electricity to have time to wrote this shit on internet. do you think everybody is the same kind. is your finger is equal. what you this Ashole wrote this shit about those guys out there. looking for better life. because you never have the opportunity. you decide to wrote this. OMO ALE NI AWON TO BI E. i am a Nigeria. from lagos.i was marry to a german girl for over 12 years now. we visit nigeria every year. we have 4 kids together. we never think of divorce for ones. we are happy together. i marry her when am looking for a stay in germany. she come to my rescue. Today am among the happy father. i have happy family. likewise i know many like this in europe. they live together happily. Why are you writing this. if you are jobless try and find something to do. than destroying this world. There is more hearth broken in nigeria than western country from nigerians. what are you saying. Bros you have no point.Scheiße
So......I am African American the man I am dating is Isoko. I met him while working introduced by a friend. At the time we met, I just got out of a long term relationship so when he asked me out and for my number refused. After a while I gave him my number. He would frequent the places I was at asking for dates and leaving cash I had no idea was there until he left. After a year of this and my being ready to date again, I agreed to go out. We had the most wonderful date and on that night I fell head over heels. A few days later we met up and he said I should consider marriage. He has always treated me nice, I've been to the home he owns in the US, he's invited me to Nigeria, I've met his children and a few other family members, and when we are together i feel like gold. The only problem is I haven't heard from him in months.???? I am not the type of girl that sits on the phone, in-fact because I was so busy at the time before we dated most of his calls to me went unanswered. My Nigerian friends here tell me to be patient especially the older ones and he is 15 yrs older than me, I am grown not going to give exacts but over 25. I haven't called him often but over 5 months that he's been gone I also haven't heard from him. My question: Is it normal for a Nigerian man to dote on a woman, discuss marriage and then not have contact for months :/ but still expect marriage? Or is it a "reap what you sow" measure for the fact that I didn't answer many of his calls in the beginning? I really love him but I love myself more and am too young and beautiful sit around waiting like a fool :). I know his job is very demanding, and I am a very loyal person so regardless of which direction our relationship goes I don't want him to be disappointed because he's great man. So what should I do? Continue to wait patiently or move on?
i marry and he leave me without one tears
Interesting post. Very informative. But haven should have been having.
My friend met a Nigerian guy age 24 in Malaysia two years ago, she's 40 years old, Asian and had recently gone through a bad divorced .They had a physical relationship for a few weeks. As what my friend told me the guy was in Malaysia to study, but quit and had a job as a Dj in one of the clubs in Malaysia. My friend left Malaysia to work overseas but they still communicate. One year ago the guy ask his Nigerian friend to ask my friend to bail him because he was jailed because of visa and overstaying in Malaysia and for him to go back to Nigeria, Of course my friend helped him. My friend sister died just few months ago and the saddest part is that my friend found out that he has a girlfriend from USA in his other account in facebook so my friend ask him and he did not denied and he told my friend because he thinks that because of her age she cannot give him kids. Few weeks he tried to call my friend and told her that he is sorry and he did that because he lost faith. I am worried for my friend because she's so blinded of what she felt for this guy, my gut feeling tells me that he just using her to get out from his country.
My friend met a Nigerian guy age 24 in Malaysia two years ago, she's 40 years old, Asian and had recently gone through a bad divorced .They had a physical relationship for a few weeks. As what my friend told me the guy was in Malaysia to study, but quit and had a job as a Dj in one of the clubs in Malaysia. My friend left Malaysia to work overseas but they still communicate. One year ago the guy ask his Nigerian friend to ask my friend to bail him because he was jailed because of visa and overstaying in Malaysia and for him to go back to Nigeria, Of course my friend helped him. My friend sister died just few months ago and the saddest part is that my friend found out that he has a girlfriend from USA in his other account in facebook so my friend ask him and he did not denied and he told my friend because he thinks that because of her age she cannot give him kids. Few weeks he tried to call my friend and told her that he is sorry and he did that because he lost faith. I am worried for my friend because she's so blinded of what she felt for this guy, my gut feeling tells me that he just using her to get out from his country.
I am worried that this guy is just using her for him to get out from his country.
your advice will be appreciated.Thank you
Nope really, i am just worried for my friend because i have been there and i feel sorry for her of what she been through from the divorce,her sister just died and this.You are right, that prayers is the only thing that will assure us that behind the spark there is true love.
I've been engaged to my man for 21 months now.. He is Nigerian.. Yoruba .. I'm English.. He is living in Nigeria and I live in the UK.. We want to get married but the rules and regulations of the UK are too much for us to be able to do..
Our plan was to marry and go live in Spain.. But the Spanish rules are also difficult.. I would have to reside there for two years.. We would have to pay for all documents to be translated into Spanish ect.. The cost is going up and up .. To marry in the UK would be easier.. Cept.. Cus of our ages... There is a 25 year gap.. I know immigration will think he is only marrying for a UK residency..because of the age difference.. Yet because the costs are so high for residency here we decided Spain..
My question is.. How easy is to marry in Nigeria?
Despite using your article as light entertainment my hand has actually been forced to engage with you (hopefully) in a learned tit-tat.
Whilst some of your assessments are factual (Historical and Geographical), I'm afraid some are at best skewed and I'm living proof to that.
Your greatest error is placing everyone in a tribal box..e.g (The Yoruba like to party). You cannot and MUST not tar everyone with the same brush 'regardless' of the ratio of truth unless it applies to everyone 100%.
Whilst you do not mean to offend you have actually done so..albeit not purposefully.(I hope)
My opinions..I am a British national of Nigerian heritage. I HATE the so-called party loving synonym you choose to taint all the Yorubas with..and I'm sure there are many others like that. Whilst I'm Educated (Well I'd like to think so) that cannot now be said for every Yoruba
Your statement (Do not go out with some with less than a tertiary Education) is very misguided and lacks the moral fortitude we all should strive towards, love is for all..rich, poor, uneducated, EVERYONE!!
I am married to a British national with Indian heritage (By the way i was already British before we got married) and i think she'd find your views untrue as well.
Your closing remarks of a Nigerian man preferring to marry a Nigerian is also dated and lopsided.
I have enjoyed reading your article and hope to read once again from you.
Your effort to educate the people of the world is admirable, however you MUST aspire to be 100% accurate and factual as you have grabbed an International stage.
If you're looking for advice on how to chart your life from this forum you're haplessly misguided.
There is no 'template' that a demographic in society fits into, two different Nigerians from the same tribe are inherently different.
You will only know your partner by spending time with him/her, time unmasks all disguises.
Having said that this forum presents a good read, albeit somewhat annoying at times.
I'm a British Nigerian married to a British Indian (Oh..I was British before we met if i might add)
Hi Accofranco, You said and I quote "so to avoid this heartbreaking experience, we prefer to marry from our people (tribe to be precise), so that she can live with us forever and so she won't have to worry going back to her country or rejecting the offer of going back to Nigeria to live. If foreign ladies can start to accept this- going back to Nigeria to stay permanently till old age with the Nigerian men they are married to, and not desiring to go back to their country to live forever, or refusing the man from taking the children to Nigeria to live like citizens, then it will be difficult and a waste of time marrying a foreign lady. " . . . I am a Nigerian from the Igbo tribe, I also live in the U.S. I have always told my friends that I would love to marry an Igbo man too, but from your comment above, it seems you as an Igbo man are running after foreign ladies. Your comment in quote, shows you probably don't marry us because you love us but because we will stay with you forever. is that to say that if the foreign ladies would stay with you in Nigeria, you would choose them over us? It's not fair and it's really heart breaking and you are the first Igbo man I've heard say something of this nature.
wow i did enjoyed all these stories And thanks to the person that wrote this acticle, well i'm nigerian live in autralia and married to a phillipina lady and we had a beautiful daughter, Now to be sincere i love white lady to bit And i can't marry to any black woman inrespective of where she comes from include my nigerian women but the issues with white ladies is , they wanna be the head of the house however there's noway you can do that to a nigerian guy, and they always talk about egual right, sorry bro, in africa, men are the head of the house, so if you white ladies love a nigerian men, then you should learn the culture and be ready to live in nigeria also bc nigeria men love their country. And one more thing, you white ladies pls using black guys for sex. thnaks hello from oz
@accofranco - Please check your fb inbox... thanx
Can i have your email please. ..this is the most interesting article ever.... am a ugandan girl tying to date an igbo guy here.we bith live in Europe . I have known him for a year now...i don't think he has a tertiary education because his English is so fake but i love him deeply. .. how do i know that he is serious abt me???
Africans are not used to divorce and we fear this......there is so much respect for marriage in Nigeria especially with the igbos......even when they fail once in marriage...they will do everything not to fail twice...
If u are an African american or white....propose visiting his home country twice every 3yrs......tell his brothers or parents openly with strong words that you are not willing to divorce their son and you will do everything to respect him......words have power and believe me when this Nigerian men hear this.....they shake inside because you have killed what they are afraid of.....it is really easy marrying a Nigerian man.......
Iam dating a Nigerian guy and he wants me to visit him and meet his parents in Nigeria and also as an assurance that he is not married back home.He claims ti be a single parent just like me.Do u think it's a good idea.l love so much and l have been through a divorce before and lam not looking forward to anything like that again.H is Yoruba and we agreed not to have kids since we are bot a bit mature for nappies but my worry is he doesn't have a son he has girls only will our relationship work or parents will start complaining about having a son in future,that's my only worry as of now
dear accofranco, here i am, just tell me how we can get in touch
i am curious why my messages can't been seen any longer?
i am trying to contact you
Hi accofranco, I recently met a Nigerian man (he actually work as marine) and I have some questions. When I've met him, he seems to me very pleasant and he is a gentleman. He bought, my sister and I for shopping (around $1500 shopping) and offer us beyond $1000. Is that representative or something specific for him if I have accept the money. he told me that he has 3girldgriend in Nigeria and ask me to be "the 4th one". I've already told him that I have a boyfriend but I don't think that this really matters for him. So my questions is: do the money and the shopping that he offer represents specific for him cause I've read somewhere that accepting money from an African is like accepting to marry him (the dot). (I'm a Mauritian and I excuse myself for my English which is not very perfect)
Hi accofranco, I recently met a Nigerian man (he actually work as marine) and I have some questions. When I've met him, he seems to me very pleasant and he is a gentleman. He bought, my sister and I for shopping (around $1500 shopping) and offer us beyond $1000. Is that representative or something specific for him if I have accept the money. he told me that he has 3girldgriend in Nigeria and ask me to be "the 4th one". I've already told him that I have a boyfriend but I don't think that this really matters for him. So my questions is: do the money and the shopping that he offer represents specific for him cause I've read somewhere that accepting money from an African is like accepting to marry him (the dot). (I'm a Mauritian and I excuse myself for my English which is not very perfect)
After number of attempts to contact you after your urgent message, I still haven't heard from you. All of my posts here are never published and I start to wonder why all of a sudden I don't hear from you after all the above comments? I have gone overseas with all expenses paid by this man that you claim have mastered his scamming profession. For your information, this man works (i have visited his work place on two occasions now, or he mastered that scam as well?). man that is successful in song composing. If only jelous ex husbands that can't control you or bash you to the point to give you stiches in your mouth and court give them a life record as a domestic violence wife basher would not interfear with ones lifes....sad that i haven't heard from you after number od emails i have sent you. I know this will not be posted, but if you have any concerns please do contact me email@example.com
best regards
Am a South African woman dating a Stubborn Ibo man who has this idea that he is king and should be treated as 1, Am very traditional and so is he and that on its on is a problem, am strong willed. But he sees it as being Stubborn.
I wanna make things work with him but am not sure where to start or where I stand! Nigerian men living in South Africa are known for all the bad and evil things how do I know if his the real deal?
I have been chatting, met this guy online and travelled to see him in person in Malaysia. We hit it off instantly, conversation wise Skype etc. and upon meeting as well. Both drawn to each other. He is younger than me very well spoken intelligent, confident and is studying in Malaysia.
Now, this is where my intuition kicks in but I'm hoping I'm wrong. We both want the same thing..happiness and to share it ie. life with that special someone.
He has spoken about marriage and wants this done in Nigeria. And wants it to happen sooner rather than later. I hear about guys just out to scam women and vice versa hence my cautious approach. Although this guy seems rather decent I am not so sure of his intentions as he is moving way too quickly for me.
There are other things which have transpired that I can't disclose on here but would really appreciate if we corresponded further via email regarding this if possible.
Would love to hear your advice before I make any further judgements or decisions about this relationship. Don't want to go down the path of making a huge mistake….
thanking you...
I am African America who has been dating a Igbo man for a year I am suppose to go to Nigeria next year to meet . I also have business there. The issue is that he is a medical doctor and is having issue with his license and he has asked me for help and my friends. I have become very close with one of his colleagues and he is not happy with the way I am treat since he has gotten to know me. He acts like a fool every time we break up . I saw a picture of him and some girl on facebook that was not appropriate he called me before I saw it but once I saw it I became enraged and upset. To make a long story short . I am tired of his excuse he told me no one will help him because he is with me I am black but he keeps calling me a white lady. I don't get it I am African American how has recently found out my ancestors from Africa were from Igbo land. If you loved someone why would you say something like that ? I am ending the relationship . What sense does it make for them not to help him because he is with me and they don't know me? I don't need such I would never say anything like that to someone I suppose to love. His colleague has stated publicly that my happiness is his propriety. He writes to me in third person saying if we were in another time we would be lovers . I have fallen for him cause he is everything my so called man is not. He has even commented on my poems saying that the person whom I am writing about loves me also. He told me to day he smiles like a school boy when he talks to me what should I do just forget all that and keep a friendship with him .
My daughter has been going out with a Nigerian. i have met him several times and learned to love jim as my own son. I believe that he loves my daughter. When his parents came here to the US to attend their son's graduation from graduate school, they told their son that they are against their son relationship with my daughter due to cultural differences for we are Asians. I hope his parents will have the wisdom to accept my daughter, she is a very good person and is working as a nurse. I believe in love regardless of color, culture or race.
Hi Franco
Am a 26year old S.African and just recently started dating a 31year old igboman, his very religious & traditional when it comes to his believes and am a tradional xhosa woman so there will be a problem there, he claims not to be educated and yet the manner in which he speaks is all intelligence, his very Possessive in a way he thinks everyman is after me! Which isn't the case cause I work with males mostly and have befriended most of them!
I lost my virginity @ 25 after my tradition party, but he doesn't believe that I've only been with a man Once! He wants to marry me but I have a feeling he just wants to contol me, I think his problem is that he thinks all S.African women are unfaithful and go out having sex with any man who looks their way!
I have a good job and don't ask him for anything! In fact his the 1 whose always asking me for things/money...
Am I wrong in thinking I might be used in this situation? I am crazy about this man and he claims to love me but am not so sure, its only been a few months(2) that we started seeing each other and we haven't had sex yet even though that's seems to drive him even more, I can't sleep with him cause am not ready to go that route and he thinks I might be sleeping with some1 else.
How do I convice this man that am not a "typical" S.African woman who goes for nigerian men just cause of money or they need some1 to spoil them?
I can take care of myself and he knows I can!
He wants our 2 families to meet and am abit afraid cause his rushing things and am not completely convinced.
Where should I start?! I am a very nice and good girl. I always liked black people in my mind and when i met them my whole world changed. I am very disappointed. My first boyfriend was Yoruba. He was buying me lots of things but he was such a liar. Before i saw him for the first time we spoke a lot on the phone and after a year i decided to see him because he was begging me to come to see him. When i came he was happy to see me and he was my first boyfriend so i was so in love with him that i was so blinde. He didn't know how to treat me and after he slept with me for the first time he told me that he can't give me his heart. I wanted to die. I never expected him to say that to me because he was telling me on the phone that he loves me more than his mother bla bla... Later i saw him again, after six months and he was happy. I get pregnant but didn't know that. He told me later that he knew that i was pregnant and that he needs to think what he is going to do. I was so sad and depressed. I was hiding from my parents, hiding from people but one girls noticed that i gain weight and she told everyone that i was pregnant and i get sick and I lost that child. he told me that is not his fault and ... For another 6 months i was really depressed. I didn't laugh at all, my best friend was crying begging me to be that girl I was before but thsi guy killed me. After 2 years i met another guy from Togo. He was nice, clam and selfish. We were a normal couple. His family knew me, his friends...We were together for for years and I wasn't happy because he was just taking from me and not giving. We broke up and he get married with some girl from his country right away. Later I dated a guy from Cameroon and he was so nice but when he saw that I was in love with him he stared telling lies and I saw him with a girl from his country. That moment when he came to introduce her to me I wanted to kill him or her or myself. I just passed by acting I don't know him and i started to cry like a crazy person. After a year I met some Igbo guys. I didn't want to date anybody because I was tired of all these guys. Just for the record; I may seem like an easy girl but I am not. I had my first boyfriend when I was almost 24. I never wanted to do something stupid but at the end i did. Igbo guys played all my girlfriends and they accepted me as a friend and I was always the only girl who was there with them, joking, helping them if they needed me etc...What happend later?! I fall in love with an Igbo guy. All those guys were telling that I am so nice and that I am not like other girls. My best friend told me to be carefull but I said: " Don't worry, we are friends, they know me"! They didn't care about me at all, they played me like a fool. They like to do all these games with girls. I feel terrible!!!! I love him and he knows that. He tals all the time about money and that he would do anything for the money. I never slept with this guy because he was telling me that he " respects" me! He was telling me that I need to be more free, that he likes to have sex with bunch of girls and that one day when he gets married, his wife will need to accept all these things. I felt so bad, even now I feel so bad. He told me that he is only nice with me, but he is not nice with other girls. My best friend told me that this is a lie. Why all these things are happening to me. Every african person I know they know how happy I am when I am with them. I don' t need to go in bed with anyone. I just love that world. Some of them are calling me Nigerian. Why they don't accept me? Why???
I a nigerian man from yoruba tribe.
I suspected you were igbo before your email addy confirmed it,your summary of the 3 major ethnic was very biased towards the igbo men,no doubt igbo men tend to marry foreign wives more.
But I must still give you credit for addressing the various issues to the best of your knowledge.I'm also a firm believer in love before race and find all this issues about nigerian men stereotypical to say the least,how about looking at each individual as a human first,and all humans regardless or race or tribe are full of bad and good people.
@confused07 it saddens me to say that a good number of nigerians in SA are into illegal activities and will never be a true representation of nigerians.
I a nigerian man from yoruba tribe.
I suspected you were igbo before your email addy confirmed it,your summary of the 3 major ethnic was very biased towards the igbo men,no doubt igbo men tend to marry foreign wives more.
But I must still give you credit for addressing the various issues to the best of your knowledge.I'm also a firm believer in love before race and find all this issues about nigerian men stereotypical to say the least,how about looking at each individual as a human first,and all humans regardless or race or tribe are full of bad and good people.
@confused07 it saddens me to say that a good number of nigerians in SA are into illegal activities and will never be a true representation of nigerians.
Hi, I really like and appreciate your page. You have helped many ladies and am thankful to God I have come acrossed it. Im in need of help, Im a 23 year old US Black girl and I have met a Nigerian man online. I suspext he is from the Yoruba tribe, I hope I wrote that right. He states that he wants a lasting relationship, he call me babe, we have exchanged pics., voice notes and he has asked about me coming ovwe there. He says if we work out, he wants to know if Ill stay in Nigeria with him. Which I told him, if Im your wife, yes. He says this is real and I believe him and I want to be with him too. But Im scared to step foot in Nigeria, Ive heard alot: Kidnappings, civil wars, scams, robbery.So my question is should I go see him and how do I be safe about this and also are there any cheap alternatives to travel to Nigeria?Thanks
I live in Scotland I am from Zambia (Southern african) I met a Yoruba man via a dating site for two months he called me non stop he visited me twice I felt bad because he complained that I never visited him we live in seperate cities I could tell he was upset by me not visiting him so I decided to visit him for the day he was so sweet telling me he wanted to meet my mother etc. He is very good looking tall went to uni is now a manager with papers and a lovely home. He invited me to his house we got physical no sex though after three days he stopped calling me that then started texting me less often . Now I text him and it's not the same. I'm getting mixed signals here so was fed up and wanted to ask him today what the deal was I told him if we don't talk we will not last feel like I should move on unsure what the problem is... Help!
Hi, I'm in need of help, I'm talking with a Nigerian man. We have been messaging, sending pics, and hopefully talk on the phone soon. He asked if we work out, would I live in Nigeria I said yes if Im your wife. But Im scared to step foot in Nigeria, Ive heard about Kidnappings, robbery, scams, civil wars. How do I stay safe and are there any cheap options to travel to Lagos, Nigeria ? He also told me that his parents have to like me, what if I fo all the way over there and his parents dont like me ?
Hi Franco and everybody, who is reading!!!
I really regret that I didn't read your book and this site before, Im late already, even though just would like tell my story, maybe it will help other foreign women to not make any mistake with Nigerians specially with Igbos.
I've met my husband last year in 2012 before New Year in Dubai, it was related to my work. Then he invited me to have a dinner and get to know each other more, then other day we went to a club with his friends. After he left to his country, he was in a short vacation. Because of my work I've agreed to meet and discuss my work offers to him, he refused to be involved in Dubai. I said ok, as you like. I didn't have any plan to continue our communication after he refused. He started to disturb me with his calls and messages, forget about ur work let us be friends. I was just joking and playing with him on the phone. Then he was calling me every day, asking my Skype. We were talking as a friends only that's it. After he started to invite me to Nigeria as a guest, then to travel with him to Germany. He is a businessman, have money, like to travel abroad. Long time I wasn't agreed, after 5 month I've agreed and get my visas to Nigeria and to Germany Shenghen visa. I've paid for my visas and we agreed that he will pay for my tickets. So then I came to Nigeria on my vacation for a week, he waited me in the airport and brought to his house. He hosted me well, took me out, showed me places, after a week we travelled to Frankfurt for 9 days. We had a good time with his friends over there and came back to my job in Dubai. During our trip, he told me about his past life and what he is doing now. He had been married before, when he was 20 years old, has 3 teenager children, divorced 13 years ago, still single etc... When I've heard all his story, I couldn't imagine that I'm getting married to this man elder than me for 18 years. My Nigerians and other African country friends, colleges they keep telling me that Africans are dangerous, liers, making stories, marrying lots of times, have plenty lovers etc... I was believing in him and was so confident after visiting him in Nigeria. From Frankfurt he came after a week to Dubai and stayed one more week with me. One day he said if you want to marry me, start telling ur family and I want to engage with you. I've said that I still need time to know you more and think. We went to have a dinner in a hotel, he asked me to invite some of my friends. Everybody came we've eaten, drinking, then suddenly propose me with an engagement ring. I dint expect all these, cause everything was happening so fast, that time I knew him 6 month only. All my friends started to support to accept the ring, I was so confused and not ready. Cause of my respect to him in front of people I didn't want him to make down, so I accepted the ring. Then I was happy, that soon ill get marry. After a week he left to Nigeria. Then we started to plan our marriage on Skype, on the phone, by email. All these time he didn't show any of his bad characters, habits etc, was always good. He was hurry to make this marriage before September 2013. I've asked why is he so rushing, he said that he is going get a titul of king, that he has done 2 parts already, final ceremony is left, before that time he must find a wife. He told me that as my wife you ll be queen-osiahu, people give plenty golds, money and gifts, that I need come for that ceremony. I've came second time to Nigeria, to his village in East part, we have done ceremony. But I didn't receive any gold and gifts, just small money. Anyway then we left to my country to play wedding. We've got married in beginning of August 2013, he paid all expenses, bride price etc... All was fine, I was happy that I'm married. I've accepted his kids, past marriage, his age, accept him as my first husband, agreed to live in Lagos, Nigeria, moved totally from Beatiful Dubai. I'm Muslim, but not religious. He is Christian. He used to promis that I will stay as Muslim and will be praying in Muslim way, after start living together he started to make new rules, that I should to go to the church with him, follow his rules, whatever he says. Start teaching me everything like I'm stupid or not educated. I didn't like all this. I used to be independent lady, holding higher positions always, used share my opinion. When I'm telling my opinion he start getting angry that I'm teaching and controlling him. He was getting me wrong totally. In his mind he is the one should be number one, king, everybody must call him sir, oga, onyiba. I've told him, that I came from different culture, that still needs time to learn ur tradition and culture. He always compare me with nigerian women, like that we are fighting every single day for silly things. He doesn't like anything what me and his kids do, too choosy and selective. I would understand if he had tertiary education, he doesn't have, even didn't finish his school. From his young age he wanted to be rich businessman, I'm afraid that he even didn't go to any school. Doesn't know elementary things, and when I'm telling is like this or what is that, he gets angry, that I'm too smart and intelligent than him, that's why he gets angry. Not only that always changing his mind, every hour, second, day. Always raising his voice to his staff, his people and even at home to me and his kids. He used to promis before our marriage that we will live only two of us without his kids. After marriage he brought all his 3 adult kids and let them live with us together with I wasn't agree. If I knew all these will happen in different way, I wouldn't even agree to marry him. Anyways now I'm still living with him 4 month only and I'm sick and tired of him and his habits, character. He has very difficult character!!! I'm happy once he isn't at home, nobody is shouting and making noise.
Now im in a very difficult situation ever in my life! I'm pregnant 3 month, and I'd like to leave him forever. He says doesn't care about not yet born baby, doesn't respect me in the house in public, discriminating, always talking in his language, when I'm asking to translate, he doesn't want. He so stubborn, his kids are telling reporting everything to his ex wife, they are always in touch, communicating cause of their kids. One day I found suddenly some documents at home that he has illegal child I mean non marriage child, he didn't tell me anything, hided from me, now I don't trust him at all whatever he says, he had plenty relationship, used to live with different kind of nigerian women, after he disappointed from them, cause they always asks money money and he doesn't like to get marry to them, that's why he was looking for white women as me. Now if ill divorce, I lose everything, I'll be depressed and stressed. So Me and my family decided to wait until my baby will born, so he must pay all the expenses for the hospital, I'll make agreement for my baby monthly alimony and leave this country forever. I'm really tired, cause of electricity problem, no one respects me, always abusing, insulting me, that I'm fool etc. he is jealous that I'm saying right things, giving correct advice, he is afraid that he ll look fool always in public. So I can't live with this kind of person, who hided from me lots of secrets, still how many of them remaining only God knows. I'm not interested of him any more just playing a role that stupid and crazy, so he can feel himself happy until ill go. So tell me what's your opinion, am I doing right or what I have to do???
Looking forward to ur reply,
Best regards,
Hi accofranco,
I like to saying appreciate for show all ladies and men read your blogs for reasons about nigerian cultures. Sometimes I do believe in nigerian culture so many different types of ethnics. Sometimes it difficult judge to nigerian person and personal's background are different type of ethics group. Sometimes I don't always trust this person but always good treat to me. And he understand me as well, when he gave me time to get knows more. When around my family and friends look worried about me. I understand for reason. I always look out be careful and keep quiet with this person. I have been knows this person for few years and seem me it not bad. But I still doubt because it hard for me about big bright future. Sometimes I can be avoid and confused. I don't like heard negative stories what happened between foreign ladies with nigerian men but I know few good nigerian men are very lucky. And I don't want talk to this person made felt discourage or think it racism. Honest we have been in love for long time and we've been wanted to get married for long time but still doubt about it. We don't know how explain to my family but seem difficult this whole situation. I rather do right things and avoid mess up. Because it was our first experience for long time. He is Igbo. I know he really desperate marrying me and he still think about this for long time. We didn't much spent time for together. He is lives in different country for working visa. And we still contact for long time. But I visited see him at twice times and he came visited see me for three times. He want to slow his planning and keep be careful and don't let get mess up. But I don't know why my family don't like him where he from. So I knows for reasons. They think he keep hide something and they did tried warning me. Sometimes I get confused. Because I knows him for few years and seem nothing wrong with him but I still doubts. And I did investigate and found your blogs. I have been read. I understand why. It big strange to me same as big strange to him too. He did meet my family for twice times. And I have been never meet his family. Because his some siblings lives in international for study, work and married lives inside their country. His parents have been hard work in nigeria and sometimes go another country. I have been learned a kittle about Igbo language but it hard to understand this language. In one day I would love travel to nigeria for visit. I have been contact my friends who from nigerians too because I went their church and whole of nigerian people are friendly and carings. It seem nothing wrong. I would like to hear from you soon. Have a good blessing!
Dear frank,
I like to saying appreciate for show support to all ladies and gave to advice all ladies.
I do believe in nigerian culture all different types of ethnics. I understand many reasons about ladies fell in trap of love brought painful of experience. Sometimes difficult judge on nigerian men. Because sometime nigerian men could be clever made it look real mature and professional but they do copy another nigrian guys. I have been learned a lot and heard stories what happened. This is why I have been very careful and keep quietly. Best thing let God's work in this situation. When I came to church and meet lots of nigerian people look friendly and very respect. It seem nothing wrong with them. Let's honest I have been dating to nigerian guy for few years but off and on again. So I not want get confused and mess up. Because I have trouble lack of trust to him. I knows he is in so loves me for long time and good treat to me. He still desperate marrying to me for long time. Sometimes I have been feeling funny in my stomach means trying warning. I have been pray a lot and show me guide in direction. Sometimes around family and friends look worried about me. Because that it was our first experience. He do sometimes scared and not want mess up end up painful of experience. He have been pray a lot and think a lot about want marry me or wait in another year for right time. He did twice times meet my family but they don't like him. And I never been meet his family before. It hard for him because he was discourage, unhappy and thought it is racism. But my family didn't really racism. They only worried and not want see me hurt in end up for marriage. But where he came from igbo. He look total serious in love with me. I do serious in love with him too. Sound it inspired. But sometimes i avoid him because of my negative mind. So I need get knows him more. We have been not much spend time for together. He was student visa for few years and received working visa add another double years. This year his working visa will be expired as soon. He did visited see me for few times and I visited him for few times too. So he will make big decision of rests with his time.
Frank, I have been learned in igbo language a little but it hard to understand.
Have a blessings
hear from you soon
Hi Franco,
Nice to hear from you, thank you for your time to reply. Our disagreement is that he wants to change me totally, my everything, that I need to listen and do what he says, which with some points Im not agree at all. So he is getting angry that I don't want to do as he wants, he has very bad character start shouting like bitchy women. And raising voice also irritating me, making me angry and nervous. No human being doesn't like when somebody shout on them, same as me. So this one, secondly, he promised to live only us without his kids, he brought his adult kids, whose are not trained well, behaving any how, talking any how, they r studying but I can't see they have some education in their brain, no accurate, no ethiket, no respect, arguing and dragging with me, reporting every single thing to their mother. And I'm afraid that they ll do for me something like magic, really since I came here, I'm becoming nervous, irritated, I used to smile always, my smily and laugh is gone. Always crying remembering my mistakes and wanna run away. Only few days ago he came to talk, we talked and he says that he is tired from the marriage. Like I'm not a good wife for him, not listening etc. I said all right, if you want us to separate, I won't go anywhere unless my stomach will grow, give me money for birth and send me to US. That's it! He says no no no! I said I ll be staying here unless you ll fed up and be agree. Cause I can see, he used to live alone and do whatever he wants, and no shouldn't tell him anything, no correction, no comments, no advices. Sometimes he looks for me as a wild bush man. I'm surprised now, how can I make this kind of choice in my life marrying him. After fighting, he came back to say sorry. I made myself that I'm crazy and sad ok. When I said ok call ur relatives ill call mine to finalize this matter, his face was scared, like he didn't expect. He doesn't want to be shamed in front of his people. He is big businessman, and his friends are mostly educated wealthy people, bankers, lawyers, commanders, politics, doctors etc. I think I need a good lawyer who can advice me about juridical things with Nigerian Laws. I'm tired really from this man and his family, it's better to be far from them, I didn't come here to be sick, nervous, I came to be happy. But I didn't find my happiness all it was just fake face. He can't divide himself between his kids, of course his kids r number one, whatever they need money anything he is ready to give and help. I'm feeling myself discriminated! Anyway I don't care all small things. But in my pregnancy period is not good to make me stress and depressed, sometimes like everybody is agreed to make me angry in one day all his kids r being rude. And instead of gaining weight I'm losing it. I miss my family, I want to go home forever. I'm talking to them every day and crying. I took already decision to divorce, I can't live with his rude kids, even later, if something will happen with him, kids r maybe will kick me out to share his wealth. So better for to go. To get my conditions and go away. If I'm not pregnant, ill just run away,cause of my future baby I have to wait little bit. He always says that he spend lots of money for our wedding, bride price, etc. I ve said if u didn't want to spend why did u marry than. After he says no problem, all is in the past money is not a problem, like in the future he is not going to spend any more money. I don't mind to grow my baby alone, better to be along than with some animal man, really. My sister is going to come soon. She knows everything that I'm suffering here. I'm gonna give some of my stuff that when ill go it wouldn't be extra weight. Cause my cargo was around 80 kg. so we have already some plan. Only the thing I need an US visa to go to my brother, give birth there and settle down. I don't wanna get marry any more unless ill find a good man. After my mistakes I'm more accurate. I was thinking before, why people r divorcing, now I'm thinking only happy couples are living long and happy life. How to get ur book? Is it free online or what's the cost?
Thanks for answer me. I am so sorry that I don't want anyone see my message to you. I rather private message to you about myself where I came from. How I can contact you in private message? Email address? Hear from you soon!
I already have been sent in a email to you. Thank you!
I am thoroughly enjoying your hub Sir. You are indeed a talented writer. I am currently married to and so much in love with my Nigerian husband. Being an African American and can attest to the difference in culture. A wonderful difference! I have embraced the Yoruba culture whole-heartedly. My husband has lived is different countries but has held strongly to his roots and is a very peaceful, family-oriented and patient man. This is hard to find. I was married to a Zambian who jilted me some years ago (immigration-wise). I'm not bitter anymore because all the signs were there, I chose to ignore them for the sake of being in love (or what it seemed to be...). I made sure to get to know my current husband before marrying just out of caution. He has a good heart. Every culture has "bad apples". That's why we all have that still, small voice inside called instinct. I prefer the Nigerian man because of the solid roots and no compromising. Am learning Yoruba and loving it. I will visit Nigeria this year and I am so excited. Compatibility, I would say, is key. My husband is social, I am quiet and shy, he seems to prefer this and I don't mind it either because he always consider my feelings in everything he does. After 5 years, he still treats me like a Queen and I am loving it! I will certainly purchase your kindle-book from Amazon as soon as I post this comment. I am always open to know more about the Yoruba culture from different angles. Please keep writing and shedding light on intelligence, grace and how beautiful the soul is of a well-intentioned Nigerian man and the happiness the permeates from it. ;)
Hi, I would like to email you my story. I met my Yoruba man online and have met his family and friends via Skype. Everyone has been very nice and I have spoken to them in length. His mom, sister, brother in law, sister in law, and cousins. I take everything in stride. I am going to visit in May, his uncle will write the letter of invite.
Here is what I don't understand, can all of that be a fraud? No red flags are jumping at me. He is very proud that I have two masters. He has a bachelors and I support him on going to law school. He is 38 and I am 32. I am AA with a child. He has a son from a previous relationship, we have spoke about this and he doesn't see his son she does not live in Lagos.
I feel as though this is real, but I have read so many stories on here! I told him if we are to be married, I will do everything traditonal and we will need to have an American wedding as well. By the way my on parents have been married 35 years and we don't believe in divorce. I love the fact I'm going to Africa, just to because I love history and want to know more. I respect this man on every level and would love to spend the rest of my life with him. I am learning more about life and culture in Nigeria and the Yoruba tribe. I want to tell you where I am staying and when I will be flying. Just to be safe. If I can reach you to ask for advise, I would greatly appreicate it. Thank you (Please, forgive any spelling errors; I was trying to pour out everything) Thanks
Fact is most foriegn women that complain about Nigerian men never deserved them. Yes i said it or go and get someone better. Most Nigerian men are searching for some kind of motility,be it financial or social(ambitious). These are questions you should ask yourselves ladies,what are you campared to this Nigerian man? educated,fit,pretty,well mannered.If he beats you in any of those categories or all of them,dont expect him to stay.You cant be older,fat,uneducated and expect to snare any man be it Nigerian.We are very good at saying no and headstrong enough to find a way out
Thank you very much for getting back with me, I feel a liitle better about going over there.
so you think that a nigerian after relationship with a non nigerian woman can come back and stay with a nigerian woman that doesnt wash hair/wig, is too laud and fat?? im sorry but its true...
I am sorry, as a Nigerian woman I am sad to see what Mr. Frank is saying. Please Naija men should have some accountability for once, the woman must do XYZ and B to keep them, aren't you all men. This is a sad thing that is becoming common place. A marriage/relationship is not about the man alone. You guys are starting to come up short on women really being interested because you are none to be extremely demanding and lazy in relationships. Domineering, controlling and unnecessarily aggressive. In the dating world today, some of y'all have a very bad rap. Even the "home bred" girls you dump these foreign ladies for are timing you because they know you can never be satisfied. Brother, we look forward to a book that encourages Naija men to stop being so insecure and embrace the world today. Our marriages are not as strong as they used to be. How do you expect a CEO to come back to her home and allow a man speak to her as though she is a doormat. It is not about not submitting to you, it is about having some self respect. It is not foreign to us that some Naija men are brought up to look at women as second class. Everything a woman does in this life is meant to satisfy you and when the woman has an opinion or her own dreams, she is not being submissive. You all are losing out in the market. It has not dawned on you but you notice all the stories of domestic violence being exposed?
Sir I respect what you are doing but honestly, I think our men need a talking to. They have gained a reputation for all sorts of things that are negative. Our women are looking elsewhere, too many complaints from foreign women but y'all keep putting out what a woman can do to keep you. Ok now!
As a forgive never marry to a nigeria man that doesn't have papers... That's mine advice...
As a foreigner never marry to a nigeria man that doesn't have papers... That's mine advice...
I dated a Nigerian man for three months. He was living abroad trying. To get documents. He is a pastor as so many Nigerians but I never got change to mix in this world. Knowing he is still married but his family lives in Nigeria and he had to support his kids. We talked a lot of the situation, our love and after three months he decided to go back to the country he fist went to when he left Nigeria. We decided to see if our love was strong enough being apart. He really text me every day several times and called me too. Finding a job wasn't easy and I didn't expect it to. Everything was going on well I bought him ticket to come over for holidays. Unroll there no problem. First time being together for 2,5 weeks so for both of us a challenge. I have a grown up daughter who didn't like him to well but the way I raised her as single mother I didn't expect problem. Our relationship was no big secret. But problem start because of her behavior. He complained at my mother about her and I was surprised by his action. Instead of talking to me. To be short we had a good time besides this issue but I am not an African woman and from what I read her on this site he must be An Ibo. He keep on correcting me when he expected another treatment. We discussed and laughed and I just took it for granted. Different cultures will always be give and take and learn. He left ather holidays. At the end of the year I losed my job so seeing eachother regual will be difficult but not impossible. Last week he was in uregent need of finance because one of his kids was brought to hospital in Nigeria. Even without job he has people around who can support him. One lady could lent him a big amount. That made me suspicious. I wasn't able to support him with one penny the time he told me. Maybe he expected. So I was texting and asking after the health of the child, he would leave the hospital after a few days. Since than I didn't get any replay on my texts or phone calls. And the suspicions are growing.
Was he after my money or is he on fasting you know pastors. One moment we are talking about the growing love, and hope to find job quick and his desire to bring his kids back to Europe to no contact at all. Is he lost all interest and into the million dollar girl. It hurt my feelings and even if I don't want to think bad, my instinct is already telling me. So unfortunately I found this side and all the advises just now. I make me think over the relation and what I should have known better first before I fall deeply in love. Some typical characters described. Well let's say there is an reason for everything that happen in life.
Well, accofranco,
i show my anger in my first comment. because when ever i read something bad about my country(NIGERIA) is like Bomb blast to me. we are very well blessed country. but destroy by corruption. As a Nigerians, we never deserve to be suffering like this. but god know the best. For me, i dont blame does guy that dumping those white ladies. Bross, for example, here in Germany. they treat us like animal. like we are not made from human. i love my wife so much. and she never did shit to me or anyone of my family. she is German. but she behave like African woman. every Nigerian man want the best woman in life.not just woman. a woman with respect. because this is how we grow up. I'm a Yoruba man from Oyo State. i meet my wife 13 years ago. when am in need of help. and she help me out of my problem. today we have 4 chirldren together. we live together. my family in Nigeria often visit us in germany without problem. to the extent that we are planing to move permanently to Nigeria. they are many guys like that here in germany.every country have bad people. every country in the world.even here in Germany. A german lady we never think of marry to a german man. because in europe. germany have the highest percentage of divorce. 2 German couple we never last 3 years. in Germany the only thing you we see is Singles mother every where in germany. Bross,just forget about Nigerians Man is this or that. is everywhere. what we are going through as an Auslander in Germany, is Hell. bross I never surpport your message to the world about the Nigeria Man. A nigeria man will never forget his home. Home sweet home.
Hi accofranco, I'm so glad to say that I'm dating a nigerian gentleman, I am so in love with him, we meet early last year in may via social network, yes! And we fell in love with each other, his in cape town doing his final year at uct, and I'm in mpumalanga, and we see each other twice a month. He is so in love with me, his planning to relocate to where I'm at. Now I want to thank you so much, I read the book and I did all the backgrounds check, everything worked out perfectly well, now I know his a yoruba guy and he introduced me to his family via skype and my family had already met him in person, yeah so thank you, you have been so helpful. Keep on doing the good work.
Hi Accofranco,
thank you so much for your timely advice. It sure did open my eyes! I should have listened to my instincts the first time. It was blatantly obvious that the guy wasn't genuine. So many signs, red lights cropped up along the way. Initially it was too good to be true. A charmer, he was.
To all you beautiful women out there, please take heed. ONLINE ROMANCE ...These guys are so good at what they do. Some have perfected the art of chatting to unsuspecting victims of scam. You can be so easily fooled by their charm and wit. Don't be ruled by your heart. Rationalise anything and everything that occurs. When he demands cash, run in the opposite direction. If he is verbally abusive, the first time and continues to do this, do not accept this treatment. You are worth more than this. In the end they slip up and make obvious mistakes. Be careful, and trust your instincts. They are merely using you for their own gain and they do not care or love you. ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY…i have learnt a valuable lesson/s.
I am so glad that you pointed out the obvious, Accofranco. Thank you so much. Will be forever grateful that you took the time to help me in this manner. stay blessed.
Too many negative things I heard, saw, and felt about nigerian. I wish I can find the trully one, but nope.. It's like you count sand in the dessert. That's impossible. Good luck for everyone.
I have not dated a Nigerian man but a white South Africa. It is quite similar to where I come from (South America). However, the only issue is his mother who is so involved - it is like she wants to manage our relationship, making bad comments when she is not even a decent person to say so.
Hello I really like this page and so I want to share my story. I'm East Asian and I'm married to a Hausa man for 9 years. My husband is my first husband and I'm his only wife. I'm a reverted Muslim. I have travelled to Nigeria together with our kid to meet his family. I agree with all the writer has to say about Nigerian men and their cultures, their beliefs and traditions. Just like one guy at the top listed, my husband believes men should be the owner of the house, should be in charge, they will never live abroad forever etc. since I'm East Asian and not white, we do have similar family traditions as Nigerians, so I have no problem with that part to begin with. Because in my culture we also have to obey parents and have to respect the elderly. My husbands family loves me and are always supportive of me, I remember a very important question my mother in law asked me when I was in the village in Nigeria was "will u be able to live here forever one day?" In a village where I have to fetch my own water and without generator, I said why not? And that's when I see they accept me whole-heartedly. My husband and I still have our own cultural differences, but I'm very lucky because my husband is doing things that Nigerians will never do with their Nigerian wives such as washing clothes, cooking, bathing our kid etc, even when his family asks him why is he doing all this as a man, he explains to his family and tells them they should give me space for being a foreign lady and he is doing these things because of his love for me. In my experience with Nigerian men in Nigeria and abroad, Nigerians tend to have different views on Asian women and white women, I have to agree a lot of them are after white women for citizenship. There are very good Nigerian men and very bad ones as well. The good men I know are always looking for good young girls, who respect their family, who don't party and are always hardworking and submissive. There are very good Nigerian men out there, who are responsible, faithful, hardworking and would love to treat their wives like queens, yet they are also the ones who complain there are no good women available.
Have never seen an article or a write up that has capture my interest this way before..I will agree with the author in some areas but not all.Am a Nigerian who will prefer to get married to a responsible white/asian woman not for anything(I mean anything else) but love.am not trying to promote myself here but my experience made me know that there are some Nigerian women who actually wanna be the captain of the ship as well.
I want to believe if these foreign ladies see their Nigerian men as the head of the family and give them the due respect many marriages Will work out well...though sometimes,it depends on the Nigerian in question.
My submission,take time to study the kind of Nigerian man you meet...some ibo man could be heartless sometime while Yoruba man could be reasonable in his actions(am just being honest)
Good luck.
your that post is things about nigerians what do have with them i hope u know that nigerians are not the only people out there searching for geener passture and more or better mind what you say and how u say theem
I met a Nigerian online months ago and I wasnt quite sure if I wanted to even have a conversation. he kept on getting in touch and his emails were both funny and intelligent. Anyway, I sent an email to a service my friend used (jobsetc2@gmail) and I got the basics about him. He is all he claimed to be and more I guess im one of the lucky ones.
Thanks for the reply accrofranco. I have to add Nigerians take their family very seriously, and they really love you wholeheartedly if you love and respect their culture. Nigerians mother-in-laws do not believe in divorce. Once they approve you as their daughter you are forever their daughter and they shower you with much love even when the husband is not around. If the Nigerian man is serious about you he will bring you to his mother and leave you alone with his mother! And his mother will be interested in talking and meeting your own family too!
Yes for those ladies who are looking to date or marry an African man.. Polygamy is real in Africa whether he is Christian or Muslim or other religions. People always use "tradition" as a reason to marry more wives, and you cannot blame them, because that is their culture. If you are not willing to be one of many wives, you need to discuss with your man early in your relationship and talk to your husband's family about this issue. Not every man including the Muslims wants more than one wife, especially the responsible ones, because it is a lot of responsibility to take care of one wife + kids alone already! For all those western women with attitudes before you bash Nigerian men expecting them to be Prince Charming forever please look at yourself what have you offer your man for him to give up all the beautiful, submissive, obedient women in their own country.
having gone through all your comments n questions i would just like to droop this word of advise in Nigeria almost every person(young man ) you meet is intelligent n warm its somthing natural so dont fall for d wrong ones and finaly i would encourage u all to go for physical dating rather than online ones coz it will do u alot of good...........because d ratio of scammers to good men on d internet is 80:20 so plz b wise
because even in d bible it is said be as wise as a serpent thanks and God bless u
@accofranco for this goid work you are doing the lord will enlarje your coast
I'm currently friends with an IBO man and he told me all about his life he's Christian has strong faith we both have prayer sessions and Bible study all on the phone cause he lives in Ghana we met on a Christian friend chat sight and he kets me into his life hes let me talk on the phone to his friends and tells me about his family but were both attracted to each other we both know it but at the same time he says attraction is common between a man and a woman he always tells me how he feels I just need to know if its real but I don't want to just be rude and ask are you just talking to me for money or sex or something like that because that's not cool plus I really believe he's a good guy I just don't know what safety questions to ask any help??
Hi I'm jordann and I have a question ok so I'm American and I made friends with an IBO man and I never got any impression that he was using me or anything like that we have been friends for a few months now and he's really the best person I have in my life right now and were both attracted to each other but we want to keep it safe so he says in time god will tell us if were meant to be or not until then we can continue to be friends my question is with a guy like this what are good questions to see if he's using me for something or if he is truly interested in me
Hello Franco
I have been dating an Igbo man for almost a year, his loving, caring and very smart but I have noticed that he has a temper even thou his never shown me that side!
I think his probably afraid cause I own a gun(I used to be a police officer) but I can relate to Ashley cause am also a S.African woman, whose highly educated and very independed, and am from a good family, I travel a lot and he doesn't understand that and wants me to leave my ways and says he wants to marry me and wants me to go to Nigeria!
He doesn't have a formal education and doesn't travel.
I love him but am not ready to give up my life. What do I do?
I'd like to add that I once dated a Nigerian man myself and was with him for a long time, to then I found out what he was lying to me about everything I caught him out on.. I have read the stories and I'd like to add that one particular person caught my attention on here, this person doesn't care that he is a scammer coz she will marry him anyways. She doesn't care about the fact that the Nigerian guy she is dating was with other woman whilst with her and yet she knew that he was dating them all at once, so to that woman who thinks he loves her, arranged tickets and hotel arrangements for her and anything else, it's all part of his job districption, to scam her aswell. So you know what?? Don't feel sorry for this woman at all!!! She is desperate.. You can't sit there and say you love him when he is telling every other woman out there that he loves them too.. Because that isn't love!!! If anything if he is still scamming then your apart of his scamming business aswell.. Dont act like your a victim and want help or suggestions when you knew from the moment he told you who he is, your just apart of it as much as he is..
I thought I found my Nigerian man a few years back, my friend warned me to be careful of him, but I didn't listen, I meet him through a mutual friend online, we started talking online, then msgs and Skype, he was telling me that he loved me and he invited me to go visit him where he is living, 6 months later I went, was I scared NO!! I remember seeing him at the airport for the very first time, I stayed with him at his place, I meet a lot of his friends and family, before I was coming back home, we talked about our future togther and we were planning to get married and everything else, then it was my time to leave and come back home, back to everyday talking, messaging and skyping, mind you I have been with him for a long time, little did I know at the time what he was up too, but something told me to dig deeper. At the time I lost my job so it was hard for me to travel back and forth, once I got a job, I planned my trip again, but in the meantime I was looking and digging for information, to then I realised he has been chatting to other women, now i found out about one of them so I confronted him and asked him about this woman, he didn't know what to say coz I caught him out on it, he told me that he will tell me about her later on, but he knew I caught him out on his lies, here I was thinking that he loved me, that I was his treasure and how he thanked god for giving someone like me to him, that he made all these promises and that I am his only one. Anyways back to what happened, so he ended up telling me what he does for a living and that these woman are part of his living. As I already made arrangements to go visit him, I did, I still went and played his game to then when I got there I did more digging and I made sure that I could find out more to warn these women. I will go on to say this, the person I am talking about I have spoken too, she will very well know who I am, and this person knew about what he does and knew that he was with not just her, but many other woman out there. She very well knows his stratigy and what he does, it doesn't bother her, because she is desperate and he is giving her the attention she wants.
Hi Frank,
I really hope you will put up my post that I sent you a few days back. The person that caught my attention on here, and that you helped and warned, doesn't care. She is still with him & has visited him after you told her not to visit him. She is very much plays a big apart of his living ways. And it makes me angry that someone like her posts about how she found her Nigerian man online, and knew about me and other women.. But once I caught the same man we were both seeing, that's when I found out a lot of other things.. And I caught him out on.. No remorse for people like her or him. May god have mercy on these people!!! Makes me sick!!
Hi Frank,
Thank you for posting my comments up, it means a lot that you did.. This is a true story!!! That's ok, no words can discribe how someone like this can have the heart to do what they have done or keep doing.. It makes me sick to my stomach and makes me angry aswell..
For the past few months, I have been blaming myself for everything, I am never one to judge, I am not racist coz I wouldn't have dated a Nigerian or any other race for that matter, I truly loved him and i did absolutely everything in my power to make him happy, he very well knew that I would have moved to his current country to be closer to him and even would have moved back home to Nigeria with him, when he decided to go back at a later stage, bcoz that's how much I truly loved him.. And he knows that I do love him, and stupid enough I still do.. So my advice to any other woman out there, please, please I beg of you, my story is real, please be very careful when dating a Nigerian man, if he is scamming, then you know he still is, don't believe him bcoz he will charm you to make you believe that he is loyal to you, any sign of gut instinct telling you something isn't quiet right, then please listen to it, never follow your heart, bcoz even our hearts sometimes can't distinguish the two..
I tried my best to warn these women, but I know for a fact he would have done everything I'm his power to persued the other women otherwise, he would have said I am a ex girlfriend who is obsessed over him, and god knows what other bad things he would have said.. I am so glad and I thank god I came across this page, bcoz I finally saw this particular person on here seeking advice from you frank, and it makes me angry that she is seeking advice and help from you, when she very well knew what kind of a man he is, and she is still with him and I know this for a fact!! If she sees this, May god have mercy on your soul..
Now I have finally put the rest of the pieces to my unsloved puzzle..
Ladies, I advice you plz take note and think of me, and any other woman out there who have been through similar stories like myself..
May god be with you all and I pray you don't end up with the same guy I was with..
God bless! X
I honestly don't understand why us women, go for the bad guys, I honestly thought he was a nice guy, he showed me love, attention, care and helped me get through my worst of times, he didn't ask for anything, but to believe, have faith, trust, love, be honest with him, and most importantly never doubt him or stop loving him, always fight for one another and etc. I did help him out with money, that I will never see ever again, but I believe in god and god will do his job to fix this.
I thought he was my rock, my best friend, my lover, my world, my everything in life. But I guess I was blind by all of it and believed in his lies. He is good in manipulating and charming his way through everything, he is a master in his profession, but I noticed it later on and he knew that he couldn't charm me and manipulate me anymore.
I wish he wasn't who he is, but he is. Yes in every culture there are bad people I am not judging at all. I gave him chances and the benefit of the doubt as he knew about my past and how I have been betrayed. All these broken promises and everything else.. Anyways thank you frank, but I don't think I will . I've been burned too many times in my life, I just thank god yet again for saving me from him and more misery!
Hi Accofranco,
May God bless you for your excellent work! Also, you are giving very good and useful answers, but only for the people out there with 'special gift' known as 'the use of common sense'. For daydreamers and ladies only listening to what they want to hear - it's just waste of your time, so let them be happy as they already are, don't ruin it. If you're one of them than You may as well stop reading my comment right here. I wish you all the best!
If you are still reading this, than I must tell you, I also went through all of the above comments and, my God, what can I say...
It's hard to believe how some ladies here simply don't want to think before they get themselves into deep waters or before making some serious decisions. How you can send any sum of money to someone you don't even know? God has given us brains, we suppose to use them...
'Anonymous' left me absolutely shocked with her comments, indeed. But you know what... She seems to be the perfect example, thousands of girls are walking on that same path right now, but don' t have enough courage to admit their mistakes or to express their worries. Anonymous did, so credits to her for doing it! But I will be very straight forward now with few questions. My intentions are good, I would like to help every other girl that's in the same boat as Anonymous. Just try to give it one more serious thought before it's too late.
Anonymous, how you can still love someone who is so heartless, someone that was so blatantly using you? He was using you financially and as you know the marriage is the only way for these scums to obtain a permanent visa for your country. Once he gets it, his mission with you is accomplished. They don't care even if they get children with you in the meantime. In their eyes it's solely your problem, you are the mother, they see themselves only as a casual sperm-donors with no commitments towards your children. All they want is as much of your cash as they can get and life in your country asap.
Despite of knowing that he was with many other women at the same time doing the same thing, you still love him? I'm sorry to say this, but you should take a good, long look at your face in the mirror than give it a couple of good slaps, maybe that will wake you up before is too late! Don't you have just a little bit of self-respect, if nothing else??? Dear Lord...
Another thing, are you now jealous of that other woman, she is still with your mutual lover and doesn't care about your warnings - so you're calling her desperate? I'm sorry, but you both are! At least that other woman celebrates her win for being chosen over you by your mutual 'prince', she doesn't really care about his other 'lovers for money' as long as she is with him from time to time. She must be even more desperate than you visiting him regularly as you said, she is still doing till present.
If you are warning other ladies for real not to fall for this asswipe of a man like you did, then, how about if you reveal his real name or alias, age, location, friends names, you said you met his family too? That would help a lot! But, looks like you still love him and you don't want him to be approached by authorities and probably arrested for his dirty work. How faithful you are! I'm amazed... that's a real woman...MY RESPECT! Or, revealing his identity requires more guts?
You know what, I'll tell you something now that may hurt you a lot, I'm sorry but I have the best intentions to help you and other girls here to open your eyes wide. I've got a feeling that You and your rival girl, you both must have been single for a long time trying hard to score a single date. Maybe it is because of your looks, some of your bad habits or just because of your attitude... Maybe it is just your life style, or luck of time to go out. Could be something else too. Anyway, Loneliness is the most common reason for girls to fall in the scammers traps. Scammers know that very well so they know how to manipulate you. Even if you did have some success with real life dating, it was nowhere near what your 'Mr Right' should be.
Society these days is sending very wrong message to women through various media, teaching you to go for more, you can always do better, never to be happy with what is on your plate. Be ambitious, be better than your friend or neighbour, conquer the highest mountain, nothing is out of your reach only if you want it, etc. So, with limited or no real success in the real world, you will rather take the easy approach, you start to search for your happiness over the internet, instead of investing in your looks in real life and improving your appearance. Instead of spending your hard earned money on plane tickets and expensive hotels visiting and supporting some scumbag in Thailand, Malaysia or Nigeria, scumbag that knows your weak spots, showering you with constant attention, compliments and so called 'love'.... Tell me, wouldn't it be better if you have spent your money on personal trainer in any gym and bringing your body in good shape or visiting a beautician and improving your looks in real life and so the boys and men from the real world would start to show serious interests in you, asking for your number, inviting you for coffee or dinner? Just imagine what a great feeling of self-confidence you'd have if you do that, and it's never too late. But no, it is easier for girls like you to switch to virtual world full of liars and cheaters instead of improving quality of your real world. And than all of a sudden, dream boy appears in your life, 15 years younger, too good to be true! Well, if it looks like it is too good to be true, than IT probably IS.
And yet again, girls like you are getting burned time after time, it seems that you never learn from your mistakes. If you don't make radical change in your life and take another approach to your love life, the same thing will happen all over again... and again. It will keep on happening until one day you end up in massive debts with no car, with no place to live, go bankrupt or just end up in a mental ward. And that's the best case scenario, trust me! Not long ago a foreign woman was killed in South Africa while visiting her 20 years younger Nigerian lover. And it wasn't their first date, they have met before, spent time together. But, he has already 'cleaned' her bank account... Read whole story, it is on the web. Nobody wants that to happen to anyone ever again.
You seriously think that your boy is nothing like that... all you were getting from him was unconditional love and unlimited attention. And a few holes in your bank account... but you patched them up quickly... Just think for a moment how lucky you are that nothing dangerous has happened to you... Just praise God for that!
My apologises to all and specially to 'Anonymous' if I was too harsh with my comments and observations. I know what I'm talking about. I have only good intentions.
Yet many of you may break up with your long distance pretend-to-be-boyfriends but something tells me that you are looking for your new love on one of the dating sites again. If that's the case than only God can help you. Just go out, put your best smile on and meet some real people in the real world, lower your expectations a bit and there you go...
Keep up that good work Accofranco! May God bless you and your good heart.
Hello @notactix..
First of all, i am not desperate, and never am i jealous of this woman who is twice my age and my ex's age.. Me and my ex are in our late twenties early thirties, this woman is almost late forties early fifties. So i am in no competition with her AT ALL!!!!!
I totally am not offended by what you said, i don't even know this woman, i only caught him out not long ago, my break up with him is newly fresh to be quiet honest with you, so forgive me for still loving someone who yes, used me, lied to me and cheated on me. If you read correctly, i met him through a mutual friend, this mutual friend of ours has nothing to do with being with him, they were just friends, i didn't give him money at the start, i gave him money later on in this relationship, may it have been fake or not, its not the point, he isn't my problem anymore!!! As for my previous boyfriend was from my country ok, so plz don't judge or assume that i always go on dating sites to find a man, i never have nor will i ever will go on a dating site.. Believe me if i wanted too met a man, i am not be noting myself but trust me i have a few lined up already, but i am not looking for a man..
This other woman i spoke about, she is his problem, not mine, i don't know her i have only spoken to her, and like i said, i had no idea that he was a scammer ok, and when i found out about this woman i am talking about, that she knew about me and every other woman out there, if she had any brains, she would have had the balls to let us other women know that he is a scammer, like i warned her.. That's why i am no longer with him, i am nobody's option.. And further more i am no longer in contact with him, he has changed his number and blocked me from everything you can possibly think of ok..
Yes i thank god, that i am nowhere near like that story coz i heard about that story you mentioned, poor woman and my condolences to her family, yes i thank god every single day of my life, that i didn't let it go as far as any other woman has... I see things more clearly now, that i did not see before and i ain't desperate and never have been, i am in my early thirties and i can honestly say i am more happier now, then when i was when i was in this fake or not so fake relationship...
I ain't afraid of her, him or anyone, trust me on that, but he isn't my problem, if anything she is now fighting desperately to keep him, that's my own assumptions, i might be right or wrong, but i know what i have been through with this guy and its not fun!!
Anyways thank you frank, I am in the process of buying your book, so i can enlighten other women out there, and thank you to notactix, for your words, like i said i put my story out there so other women can read it, just like you have and as i have been where they are aswell.
This is all so sad... you give your heart and soul to someone and he treats them like they're toys. Logically, you lose trust in all man, including good ones. But sending money to them is just your fault. You're scared of losing him if you stop sending cash. And he knows it, some of them guys are Millionaires. I know this for sure. Anyways, good luck to all...
Hi Accofranco,
As I already said, Anonymous was only perfect example how a good hearted, honest girl gets treated as a princess when she's needed and then, at the end left betrayed and heartbroken when she is not needed any longer. I don't even know her age, looks, temper, previous statuses –e.g. married, divorced with or without children. I can't really comment directly to her, my comment was addressed to Anonymous as a perfect example of many, my comment was an attempt to wake up other daydreaming ladies who are just falling deeper and deeper in to something that will only leave a deep scar on their hearts for life. Once again, I give Anonymous all credits for open and honest approach to the topic, I would like to encourage all other girls to come forward with their experiences. It's much easier recover financial loses then emotional scars. They stay for life. Wise man says: ''The truth hurt only once, but lies hurt forever''. So true.
So, my point is - open your eyes ladies, listen to your brain and not to your heart, be wise. If he openly admits to you that he was a scammer – he still is, no doubt about this one. You are just a number for him. A number with the Dollar sign in front.
Eventually, he may see you as a opportunity to get your country residence through marriage.
And remember, he doesn't give a flying f*ck if you fall pregnant, he will pretend that he's excited and happy but only to the point if he can benefit from it. He will gladly be a sperm-donor but he will never be a real father to your children.
I encourage ladies with any kind of Nigerian or any other romance scam experience to come forward and warn other girls not to make the same mistake, as Anonymous bravely did. If you can help please come forward.
There are a many good guys around waiting patiently for you. They deserve a chance too. So let's draw the line, you can help too, with your comment.
Hello @accofranco,
I am a really nice person, trust me on that, I honestly can't even begin to tell you or anyone where I went wrong, I have been blaming myself for allowing such a scumbag like him take advantage of me, he took me for granted. I guess like I said before, he is a master in his profession, he will charm and manipulate u, I was blinded and didn't see it, but then when I asked The Lord to help me and guide me, that's when I really opened my eyes. But it was too late, but I'm very grateful now that I'm not in that position, I am free from him, don't get me wrong, I am still trying to process everything and it's been very difficult to admit my denials with this scumbag. I didn't have anyone to help me, I didn't have a friend to say to me hey check this page out about Nigerians or any other nationality, I have been dealing with this all on my own.
As for @notactix I'm not mad at you trust me I'm not. Thank you for your words, I've read them and I'm hearing you. And I hope you, franc and myself can inspire other women out there, to really think twice before dating, marrying or getting involved with a nigerian or any other nationality.
Thank you for your kind words & blessings. I will pop in from time to time on here and I pray that one day I see your blog on TV, il be sure to let other people know about your page & what your all about.
I have a few good Nigerians in my country that I know, so they are not bad, but yes your right those Nigerians like my ex don't make it easier for these nice Nigerians out there. Keep up the fantastic work, God bless you & again from the bottom of my heart thank you!
Hi Accofranco, hi all!
Once again, my apologises to Anonymous for my harsh words, but I'm glad that she understands me and that she is really keen to help others, as we all are.
I'll try to enlighten something that may be of a great help to many, it happens on the very beginning of the ordeal. There is a very common pattern when it comes to the internet dating and Nigerian scammers, maybe that's why other girls are silent for now. They may be a bit embarrassed to come forward, but they shouldn't be at all!
Every story is different, but they all have something in common. Most of these romance stories begin online by meeting a handsome mid-aged white man, he is widowed or divorced and very rich. He is an engineer or an army pilot on some project or a mission in a foreign country. He immediately starts with love letters and than after few months of scamming and couple of cash advances, few promised - but (suddenly) cancelled and postponed visits, her 'prince' comes out open, he reveals his identity with enormous love expression towards her.
Many ladies are so much in love with their 'prince' from the virtual world, they don't really care who he is - as long as he exists! They are not strong enough to let their dream go. They've never felt better! Love, attention and care that they were getting every day, they've never experienced before.
Even though, knowing that they are 'in love' with a scammer, they want to believe that he is telling them truth about his feelings. And that's just the beginning of their agony.
The hardest moment for them is learning the real truth about their 'prince', but still, it's very hard for them to pull out of it. They don't want to believe that his love is not real. If they can pull themselves out of scammers claws at this point, they can be saved.
But that decision is solely up to them. They feel cheated, betrayed, used... they feel miserable. But after going to the hell and back in their thoughts, some of them just cut it there.
Some don't, unfortunately they are too soft hearted and they can't end their dream.....
'' Hey, someone out there is really in love with me! Yes, he is not who I thought he was but he is young, handsome, different... and if he truly loves me as he says, why I shouldn't give it a go, at least my dream is not over yet...''
And that's the biggest mistake! They need to be strong and they need to listen to others who experienced the worst and who are willing to help. Scammer stays scammer forever.
Next thing is invitation to visit him in his country. If they accept it - there is no way back for these girls. In both ways, emotionally and financially. They will only think about how soon they can go to see him again. There is no other thing in their life but their new Nigerian boyfriend.
Children , family, friends, job, house, car, bills... nothing matters that much anymore. And they know that they will never recover their financial loses, but still they will support him financially as much as they can. There are some serious marriage plans and talks as well.
But, sooner or later she will go financially broke and when he sees that there's no point to be with her anymore, than he will let her find the truth. Truth that will end her dream for good. She was only one of many used by this scumbag for money. But what hurts more is emotional scar that will stay forever. He never loved her.
But how about all that care, unlimited love, attention, compliments... ?
Well, that's just part of his job...
God bless you all...
i am dating an Ibo in South Africa , he has a permit and he is running his business which is growing , for the first time i feel loved , he respects me , and treats me like a queen , he calls me Obi'm or nne'm, he's proposed and wants to meet my family , he has also introduced me to his brothers this side and they also respect me , his sisters are married and living in Nigeria and i also talk with them, he also wants me to visit his father in Nigeria !
I married an igbo man 23 years ago. We're not together as he's in Naija and I am in America. I never divorced him and probably won't. We are now at the point where we're able to talk like sensible adults. He sent me a picture of him and I could see that he's ill. I sent him money twice because my love for him never died and I want him to be healthy besides I'm not ready to shave my head.
Accofranco, no l'm not African, I'm African American and Chinyere is the name my husband calls me and I love it!! Glad I made you laugh as that's the same thing I told him and he also had a good laugh!! Thanks for responding to my contribution.
I honestly need some advice, i did stumble among this blog and i am loving what i am reading. I am currently dating a Nigerian guy who is 30 and i am 31. We did hook up, it was amazing now he wants to marry me?!!! he has only been here in the states for a year and 3 months, but i am wondering why is he rushing marriage, is it to get a green card? or is it because he really likes me. I don't believe in stereotypes and what not, but i honestly do really like this guy, so of course i asked him why the rush? he told me because he is Muslim, and also a Nigerian man its either single or married..... tisk tisk tisk..... i need advice :/
Thanks so much for the feedback most defiantly i will have a few ?'s for him tonight and give you the response! no i am not Muslim, but also did question him back home did he have a wife (s) or any kids he told me no and told me that he would love to take me back to Nigeria to meet all of his family.... sooooo its a very risky situation.... he is a very private person, and did almost cut my head off for me posting on VIA Facebook a picture of us together, and putting that i was in a relationship :O but then i finally found out why he was soooo strict about it because alot of his family is on his Facebook. and again either it's single or married..... ugh i will get up the nerve to find out alot tonight for sure! and keep u posted
Accorfranco , i was browsing the net to search articles about Nigerian culture when i stumble your blog, I desperately need advise . I am marrie ied to Nigerian for 5yrs now and we have one beautiful daughter. On the first year of our marriage every thing was fine except from small arguments which i blamed to our cultural differences , i must admit i broke a lot of rules to be a Nigeria foreign wife .when i gave birth to our child, he brought one oldwoman at home, he introduced her as her colleague , to find out later on that she was his girlfriend, i let it pass because he said she was just a fling. He told me that hehas a child back home, one time he left his FB account open accidentally and i sneaked to read his messages, one message was for his brother in Nigeria. He was asking his assistance to find him a wife, when i confronted him about this he did,t deny but explained because he wanted someone to look after his son backhome, he never asked me or any plan that i know of that he wanted me to visitnigeria despite me telling him i really wanna go to meet his family . i was not allowed to touch his phone , he always txting someone and always online, one day he left his bank statement lying around and i read it, i was so surprise and shocked to find out different name of women did internet money transfer to him, do you think my husband is a scammer ? I don,t know the man i marry anymore. he has no work at present i am the breadwinner of the family but i am not complaining because i know he wanted to work but because of where we are living now it is difficult for him to find the job.
Thank you for your advise, i feel so sad and disappointed to know what he is up to. No wonder he has 3 different cell phone numbers and he can buy latest phones and gadgets, i just can,t understand why he still have to do this, if he is worried about his family in Nigeria every month i am sending money for his son and school fee without fail even here we are struggling financially, i talked to him about this before i thought he has changed but last week i found out he still into it. I have been thinking of leaving him. Again thank you for your time reading and giving me good advise.
Hi Frank,
I wrote to you awhile ago about my sick Nigerian husband and that I sent him money because I want him healthy besides I'm not ready to shave my head. Well he called me to ask when he could expect his money!! I sent what I could out of genuine concern. He's still greedy and had the audacity to say that my money is his money!! He has no intention of coming back to America to live only to visit me, occasionally. I'm done. Getting a divorce and keeping him in prayer. I don't love him enough to be used!
Thanks for hearing me out.
Hello Accofranco,
I read some of your message and i am very disappointed with your comment here and how you are degrading black women especially Nigerian girls back home.
I'm an Igbo girl, thank God i'm married to an Igbo man and i'm proud of him.
To be honest, i'm so disappointed in some of your comments on how you are comparing Nigerian girls to your foreign women. Read your comments below, i have copied and pasted some of your comments below. Read your comment below.
'' If foreign ladies can start to accept this- going back to Nigeria to stay permanently till old age with the Nigerian men they are married to, and not desiring to go back to their country to live forever, or refusing the man from taking the children to Nigeria to live like citizens, then it will be difficult and a waste of time marrying a foreign lady. This one reason is why most Nigerians who marry white ladies still go back to Nigeria to marry another wife, in case the foreign lady leaves tomorrow, ''
My reply to you, Accofranco, is below -
The message that worries me most is that you said '' the reason why Nigerian men end up going back home to marry another wife is in case the foreign lady leaves tomorrow''.
Ok thank God you are 100% aware that majority of these marriages with foreign women do not last. To be honest with you, in western world, especially in England and USA over 52% of married couples are divorced. I meant western marriages.
Please, where do you see that amount of divorce rates in Nigeria cultures ? please, my dear brother, compare all the divorce rate in all they tribes in Nigeria or the whole of Africa and tell me if you will see up to 10% divorce rate. But you have the guts in comparing Nigerian women that are back home that last longer in marriages than your foreign women. Is like insulting your own your mother, i guess she is black. Are you trying to sell your books ? or what ? so Nigerian women back home are now second option when it comes to our men having us as a back up plan just in case your golden white women disappoint you, wow. really ? accofranco or whatever you call yourself, really ?
You will never see white men or Asian men bringing there women down to low level or having a second option just in case a black woman disappoint them at the end.
After taking crap from some black men in these western world because of there inferiority complex. We black women are now taking crap from our own black brothers back home because of '' foreign women '' are you kidding me ? These are they same black women that carried these black men for 9 months in there tummy and yet what we are getting is, our Nigerian brother having us as second option in marriage. This is madness, seriously.
You do not know the racism we black people face in all these called so western world. Last year in one of England tv channels, i guess it was channel 4, it was a documentary showing how black men have highest unemployed rate compare to other race in England. You can Google it yourself, maybe you will see this particular programmes uploaded in you-tube.
From your post, it looks as if you are judging your own black men based on what some of these white women are saying here. You need to hear from these black men story too.
Listen, my brother, before my husband married me, he dated a white woman, of course because of citizenship, he told me everything. he said to me that one day he was quarreling with this so called white women you are defending over your own black women. She called my husband a ''nigger'' yes i repeat, his ex-white girlfriend called my present husband a ''nigger'' when they were dating and he throw away his clothes outside the house and he just came back from work that day before the fight started. instead of her to make sure there is hot meal waiting for him on the table with warm water in the bucket for him to take shower, most Nigerian women does back home. Just in case, if you don't know the meaning. The word ''nigger'' started from slavery, just in case if you have forgotten your roots, black man, yes, you Accofranco.
When i was living in Nigeria before i moved to England, one of my class mate was telling me how his brother got married to a Korean woman and brought her back home so that they will live together, of course, there were cultural differences she couldn't cope with.
One day this Korean wife were quarreling with her black in-laws sisters and guess what she called her in-laws, '' black monkeys'' immediate her Nigerian igbo husband came back from work, of course his sisters told their brother what the Korean wife called them '' black moneys'' guess what this igbo husband did to his Korean wife, i do not support domestic violence. He beats her up, packed all her stuffs and asked her to move back to her country.
Please, in your book for your foreign women, i hope you mentioned how not to insult there in-laws when they are experiencing any sort of challenges with there husbands and in-laws.
Trust me, i have heard so many stories about the name callings, black moneys this, black moneys that, or the word '' niggers' when they are quarreling with there husbands or in-laws. My sister's friend, her mum is white her dad an igbo man, according to her, in her own words, she said her mum is the most racist white woman she has ever seen. She then went on and said that most of these black men that marries white women thinks that these women really likes them. This is her very word, from a mixed race girl that leaves in England. In my own opinion not all white women are like that, trust me.
I will send you a video clip of a racist comment made by your foreign lady to her Nigerian husband. Have you heard about a programme called '' Cheaters'' ? it is an America channel in America. Actually, in that video clip i blamed the Nigerian guy because he cheated on his foreign wife. I need you email if you send me your email address. U degrading your women back home, it seems that you look at these women as your angels that do not harm men, there love are always pure.
There are some of my brother's friends that were single, never been married before, that were born in England, grew up in England but yet these men ended up travelling back home to look for wives and yes indeed, they married these Nigerian women as a first option and these Nigerian girls are well brought up. And there husbands brought them back to England, not like most Nigeria men that will marry a Nigerian girls and keep them back home as a second option just in case the white wives disappoints them. Thank you JESUS that we still have black men that will not have there own women as a second option.
To be honest with you, i do not care who ever any one here are married to. But please, do me a favor, do not come here and degrade your own women, race. Because, women of different race are reading all your comments just in case you have forgotten. So wonder, comments like yours about your women, are giving these white women the courage to come on the internet, not in your website, and be saying all sort of crap about black women, how we are not that good on bed that is why are men are marrying them and we also attitude problems. Well done, for fueling them. Don't worry, give me your email address and i will email loads of racist comments made by your golden white women about black women in general and black men too. The funny part of this, is that most of these white women are married to black men or have mixed race kids with these black men they are blasting about on the internet. Give me your email address to cut the long story short. It was a Nigerian women that raised you up when your father wasn't always around. So, those same Nigeria women you are degrading played a very big row in your life and they are still playing big row in your life.
So, please my dear brother, when you write articles or wherever you represent your race, always show respect when you are discussing about black women, both black women back home and in abroad. Listen, western media do not like us. I beg you in JESUS name. Remember other race are watching and listening to your comments.
I posted comments here, i don't know if you have received it. Let me know if you did.
I don't understand why 40 and 50 year old Australian women are going online, finding 20 or 30 year old Nigeria men, usually in Malaysia and pursuing relationships. The woman are usually 50kgs heavier then the men and so fat how the man can even find their vaginal is a mystery. Then they have their relationship and think it's real. It seriously passes me off. I am in my 20s and married to a Nigeria for 7 years with 3 children. But our relationship can never be taken seriously in this country because of these stupid old women. I hope every cent is taken from them.
Hi Accofranco, hi all!
I'm just stopping by to see what's new on the topic, would like to hear from "Anonymous", hope she is doing well. Every lesson is valuable and I sincerely hope that other girls can learn something useful from this hub and learn from other's mistakes.
For "annoyed" - good comment, but there's no need to be annoyed. Live your life, enjoy it and stay blessed with your children and your hubby, don't worry what people are gonna say!
You've proved that it is not impossible to find a good Nigerian man. Not all of them are only about to scam you! But you got one very good point in your comment, actually you pin-pointed it! If you are foreign lady - European, American, Australian and you are 10+ yrs older than your Nigerian boyfriend and if on top of that you're unlucky finding a right date or making a relationship with someone within your community, also, if you are moderately/considerably overweight... just be realistic, be honest to yourself and open your eyes... yes, no mistake - you are dealing with a scammer! That is the only truth, don't fall for sweet words, they are all fake. Don't send them any money that they request and you'll see their real face in no time. If you proceed, You may have some good time with the guy, as long as he can benefit from you. Remember, every sweet word you're hearing, every compliment they are saying to you is just simply FAKE, it's only part of their JOB. Yes, they are all masters of their profession. Simply, if your age and your look doesn't really match, you are only making a fool out of yourself. The worst comes at the end, when you finally wake up to reality. Sorry to be harsh.
God bless you all
I am a foreign white woman married to a Nigerian so let me give you some insight into my own personal experience. I was very much in love with my partner before we married but find married life very, very difficult. What you may forget to realise is that dating, marriage and then becoming parents are totally different areas of our life. Dating a nigerian in your own country you simply wont feel the cultural difference so much. It will all seem so appealing. When you get married the same will be true, especially when you start meeting you in-laws and they lavish you with love and kindness, which was my experience. Everything will be dandy! But please let me share the downside. Nigerian men have to be the main breadwinners. They have to be the head of the household. This you may find difficult if you live in a western country where equality is sought at every corner. I mean, it will be more apparent once you are married. When you have kids dont expect him to help you with the kids. He wont even be interested in what you need to buy, your antenatal appointments etc. This can be true of many foreign men but i know more western men get involved in this process. Dont expect him to change nappies. That is woman's work and once you become a mother this is when the cultural difference that you thought was tiny will become a huge gulf. If he is struggling financially he may well disappear in his quest to make that money. His focus will not be you or the baby it will making money. This may sound all very noble but believe me it is not. It is selfish and self serving. If you dont cook for him over time he will dislike you for it so be prepared to become a domestic goddess. All of this will take place in your own home country. You will feel a knife ct through your entire marriage as you start to realise that actually you have married someone from a cukture which is completely different from a western one. Concerning assets, all will belong to him. He will claim he pays for everything and he wont really seriously recognise any financial contribution you make. Taking care of the children and performing a housewife role is not really recognised by yoruba culture at least. Aside from taking care of the house and raising the kids in every sense you will also be expected to make your own money. Please look into all areas of life before you commit to marriage since obviously we all want marriage for life. I often feel I am standing next to someone as they go out in the world fulfilling their own personal ambitions, whilst at the same time getting criticised for having no ambition and just being interested in the children. Marriage with anyone is difficult but i have found from experience, and from listening to other wives, that nigerian men are like lone rangers. They want to go out in the world and provide foe their famly. Cross them and you will be thrown out with just your suitcase. They hold onto their money as tight as you can imagine. There is no family pot. The head of the family controls everything! And please before anyone wants to jump in with x.y.z yes this is just my experience but let me tell you in Lagos I am surrounded by married couples, older ones, who literally look like they hate the sight of each other. All living separate lives but under one roof because divorce is abhorred by many. The culture is not the same as european or american culture and if someone asked my own advice i would say avoid going down that route and marry someone who knows and understand your own culture as if it was like breathing. To do this they will have to be a national by birth. I give only these details in good faith. Its been a very lonely 7 years, not for him he doesnt feel the cultural gao because he does what he likes. The woman always gets the short straw especially once you become a mother, then theres no going back! be cautious ladies its not all it seems on surface alone.
please let me add - to these women having online relationships with anyone from a developing country - not just nigeria - forget it. Nigeria is a seriously poor country. Oil rich yes but the country infrastructure is dire, roads chaos, healthcare system dire for many and poverty pervades in every corner. Despite the cheeriness of the locals the country is a mess in many regards. Booming economically? perhaps but if you live in lagos total chaos. What im trying to say is that i am not surprised to hear of men chatting away with foreign would be brides. Everyone wants to get out and go abroad, especially to white countries. The average Nigerian looks at anyone with white skin like a millionaire. I am not joking. The poverty is that bad and the image of the so-called white countries is that skewed. Nigerians are also extremely patient people because of their environment. I can imagine someone will wait ten years to get their bride abroad. Please wise up and dont be fooled. Take extra care and steps to ensure everything is what it says it is
Thank you accofranco and thank you for confirming you are male. Forgive me but I thought you were female at first, then wasnt sure. Please enlighten me with what generalisations were incorrect? since this is my experience and i have lived in both my home country and Lagos with my husband.
Let me say I do not see my husband as a bad man AT ALL. In many ways he is industrious and has our long term future at the heart of his actions. BUT and it is a massive BUT. Who is living today for tomorrow?
Let me also tell you that it is not possible to look from the outside at anyone's marriage and know whats really going on.
I have the ear of many older non-nigerian women who talk of affairs, baby making and general lonliness they and others have encountered throughout their marriage. Of course one cannot attribute this just to the nigerian nationality but what I do know is that it is a man's world in nigeria. Live there with your partner at your peril. Women are like second class citizens in nigeria. Accofranco, perhaps that is for a different article! though you may have skewed observations since you are a man afterall!
Hi accofranco, & notactix.
Hi everyone
I'm doing well thank you for asking notactix, I've read all above comments and all I can say is, is that please everyone stop making excuses for these scammers, these young men will do absolutely anything to convince you that they are 'Real Men' and love you, care for you, loyal, and etc, these are the things they want you too hear and to believe them, trust me it's not true, they are only with you because they think because your white and a foreginer you can provide for them, doesn't matter how old you are, how small or big of a woman you are, how attractive or not so attractive you are but they will keep telling you those lovely words you have been longing to hear, they will work on your insecurities and make you feel secure so you can trust them with their whole life and make you fall in love with them, once they have mastered that bit, that's when they start testing you, that's when they start giving you excuses, that's when they beg for money off you they will use every excuse in the book to make you want to believe them, but don't. Trust me don't!!!
The only thing I can say is to you all right now is open up your eyes and start seeing the bigger picture, put yourself in someone's else's shoes, what would you do if it was your sister, friend, cousin, aunt etc what would you tell them?? Think about that and figure it out. Some ladies are just close minded and they think no he isn't like all these other Bad Nigerians, maybe not, but half of the comments I've read so far since the last time I was on here show me different.
From where I was and to where I am today I have come along way, and I am truly blessed that it ended where it did, I searched for my answers and I got them. Now I'm happy and i am very cautious with my decision.
Good luck everyone, May God be with you all and if your still not certain about your nigerian man please read my comments & notactix comments
Hi accofranco,
As you know I'm not racist, I have dated a nigerian man, the topic is about helping these women to realize these men are scammers, they will move heaven and earth to gain what they want.
In every culture and colour there a bad people but I'm not being biased at all, I love your blog and want to help. On another note I don't know anyone who has called a black man - black monkey are you serious??!!! Or any other bad name, the nerve on some people.
I want to remind you, that I have been where these ladies have been, when dating a nigerian man and I hope and pray that they don't fall into a trap and can't get out.. I have many Good Nigerians friends around me but unfortunately I found a bad one but that will never stop me from liking another african man again or any man.
Just enjoy your life and be smart about the choices you make if you decide to pursue a relationship with any man not just men from Nigeria be wise and most importantly try avoid from the internet
aswell, just go out with your friends and meet people.
Your last comment I have no idea where you're coming from. For me personally I haven't been scammed I have just sought to highlight the massive cultural gaps in how Nigerian men think and how western women think. All based on my own personal experiences. This goes hand in hand with the scammers because even the use of english is different, even the highly educated! What's with the physically attraction woman? If you're gonna marry someone of course you find them attractive, whatever your preference may be I don't see how that is relevant it's a completely personal matter. I never once said other nationalities were perfect I merely stated the cultural gap wouldn't exist, if as much. No marriage can be perfect. And this nonsense about loving their women so they don't go looking at black men. Stop listening to the white man who peddle this rumour that white woman are looking for black men to bed, black men only pick up ugly fat white women. It's simply not the case and insulting to both social groups. People are human beings and fall in love for many reasons. My message to the women dating Nigerians or dating online is think longer term. The issue of whether he is a scammer is relevant but more important is how can you navigate the huge cultural gap which will engulf you as you progress further into your marriage and motherhood. Scammers are just the tip of the iceberg on this topic. Eventually a Nigerian man will want and need a Nigerian woman to massage his ego, let him be the head of the household and know her place. It is engrained within their culture which, no matter where they live, they will never reduce. If you want to live in the 12th century and have very little property rights to boot then such a union will be for you. Wish you all the best good luck with your decision making.
Hi Accofranco! Hi Anonymous, good to see you're doing fine, I wish every other girl, that got tricked and sucked into this type of romance ordeal, has learned something useful by now, I also hope that your older ''friend'' you mentioned here has learned her lesson too... once again, THANK YOU for your open and great effort, you definitely did help others to open their eyes!
Accofranco, as You said, marriages do break down all around the world, regardless of peoples skin colour or their ethnic or religious background. There are many reasons for these unhappy events, but majority of these relationships began as a GENUINE, honest, true relationships that grew in to marriages, which then, at some point, took unfortunate paths and sadly came to an end.
But when fairly young Nigerian man gets romantically involved with much older and not so attractive western lady, there's a very slim chance that his love is GENUINE. That's the major difference Accofranco! GENUINE vs FAKE. There are scammers all around the world, but somehow, Nigerian boys just mastered it. That's why you even started this topic, to part good from bad and to warn others.
I agree with your excellent observation that some of these older ladies are very arrogant and all up to themselves, treating their much younger boyfriends as their private property by helping them financially. Well, I feel sorry for them too, but they don't deserve your time and effort to help them. As I could see, they don't even want it! So let them be, at the end - everybody is allowed to purchase some good time. And they will be loved and cared for as long as their payments are regular. Their attitude is most likely the reason why they are (most of the time) single, even many years after divorce. Money can't buy everything. God help them.
So, once again just a quick reminder to all women dating online if they have any doubts what to do:
- ASK THEM TO MEET ON SKYPE AND HAVE A REAL TIME VIDEO CALL AND DO NOT SETTLE FOR SILLY EXCUSES, e.g. my camera is broken, my internet is too slow... THAT IS A LIE!
- OPEN YOUR EYES! BEFORE YOU GIVE YOUR HEART TO A COMPLETE STRANGER, TRY TO ''GOOGLE SEARCH'' ALL EMAILS AND LOVE LETTERS YOU'RE GETTING FROM HIM, most likely, they have been used many times before, on others.
-BE REALISTIC: If you are not successful in dating in your town, you'll just get burned even more in online dating, regardless of peoples backgrounds. Sad but true. Try to improve yourself on all aspects and never give up!
May God bless you all!
Ive got two words for you good ladies of the world ... mercy ogbedo ... enough said!
Hi I just wanted to post and ask for some advice. I am 24 and have met a Nigerian man (Yarouba tribe). He is 36, a very hard working doctor. He is very intelligent, kind and heartwarming. We have been seeing each other for a few months, he has a western passport, his own money and life. I am falling very much for him, however he has a wife back home and a child who is grown. When I have asked him he has said that he and his wife are still married but living separate lives and have done so for the past 7 years. He visits Nigeria throughout the year. I wanted to ask what the likely hood of him 'playing' me is. I understand its a touchy subject and try not to ask too much at this very start. He has been very open and said he wants to go back home to live and would love if we were together to do that. He feels that I would fit into his culture as we are from very similar ones. Will him being married impact that and how?...Should I push him and find out as much as possible now or wait and let time tell? thanks
Hi accofranco, notactix & everyone
@accfranco I'm not mad at all with what you said, your blog was about helping and still helping forgein ladies to make the right decision when dating a nigerian man. I came about this page by chance and I'm very thankful I did..
@notactix as for that "friend" that I mentioned, who knows as I did not know her personally but I have a feeling they are still in contact, as you mentioned some women are oblivious and don't want to hear what we are trying to do and that's trying to help these ladies open their eyes and start seeing the reality of it.. Let them keep dreaming bcoz they are not ready to deal with reality as yet..
As for every other women out there, who is a forgeiner aboard, who are dating these young/younger nigerian men from Malaysia, Thailand, Nigeria, Arab and any other place in this world. I honestly feel sorry for you all, but like notactix said there is no point in trying to help bcoz your all indenial and want to believe that he does purely want to be with you, but unfortunately it's not the case, yes they will be with you and once they gain what they are achieving from you, may it be citizenship, money etc once they have that from you, it's Goodbye Charlie!
I really wish you all the best in finding love, but trust me avoid love dating on the internet it may seem real but trust me it's NOT!!!.. BE REALISTIC & BE VERY CAREFUL!!
Good luck and May God be with you all
I wouldn't say this is a ridiculous article neither would I also say it is well written one. Some of your claims of the western world divorce rate is outright ignorance and what Hollywood portrays to you. Some of us westerners are very traditional , closely knit families and do not divorce. You shouldn't write stuffs like this on something you have no concrete idea.
All indicators you've pointed above is applicable to every nationality. It is callous of you as a Nigerian to write such an article. White, black or green every race has losers and moochers and scammers. I am white and have been happily married to a Nigerian for 30years. Love has nothing to do with nationality, the precautions you take in dating anyone was the same precautions I took with him. You ask the usual question, observation and do the necessary background checks. The problem is generally women are attracted to bad boys or so called 'cool guys' whether white or black. I respect your opinion and all you have written. I am happy with my life met my husband who is a Nigerian while still a teenager and together we have stayed got married two beautiful girls and he has inspired me to levels that we both now have a doctorate. I am living my dream and have been for 30years of marriage.
Stop spreading hatred rather channel your writing skills to providing cultural specifics into the various ethnicities and what to expect. I stumbled on this and showed it to my hubby, he laughed and said all you just wrote is applicable to uneducated, ignorant families. Educated well meaning Nigerian men are out there that can give you a happy life.
Hi all.
1stly I'm glad I've found somewhere that's I feel can genuinely get some feed back on whether Im being duped or if it's the real deal.
Let me begin with saying the whole marriage thing for papers only.,, Been there done that, 14 yrs ago....I knowingly did it (for no cash) for my Boyf at the time who'd graduated & hadn't found work within 6mnth time limit. I don't have regrets really, I did it bcos I've never had a huge urge to do the 'White wedding' plus I was Young and carefree.
I'm a smart, attractive well presented, well educated 35 yo professional with a lot going for me.
I met a 32 yo edo man online, we chatted offline quickly (my choice) I felt an ease & chemistry between us that came naturally.
I decided to travel 2 Spain to meet him after a month. I paid tickets he paid the Acc.
This is when things started unfolding..
He told me prior to leaving to meet he was illegal.
Well known nigerien scamer stil on student visa from KL malaysia GENERAL LAMPARD selebrate his bday in luxorios hotel in KL... When u see this video u know where your money goes if u send it to your nigerian babe from malaysia. People in Nigeria live in poverty but they dont care for them they shower each other with their dirty money. Even the priest is there to bless the ocasion its all dun in Gods name... make me sick!! And they not afraid to put it on youtube to showoff .... and dont be suprised if u see your boy in crowd there hugin wit some hot malay girl! They know what life is all about! Must watch!!!! Cheers all and be smart they all scammers stay away from this scum and look for some good nigerien they not all bad! MUST WATCH!!!
@accofranco. I don't feel attacked because I have no business or connection with you. But I hate racism, discrimination and abuse these are my passion.
Let me let you know we do not have governmental policies supporting divorce. Get that straight. Yes divorce rates are high compared to the African region but to imply it is a cash cow for western women is insulting to women who left their abusive, cheating and lying husbands . for your info we have what is called a prenup which protects d wealth of both parties so don't think divorce is a good thing. It's expensive, emotional and difficult. We have no such thing as over empowerment of women rather we are fighting against gender discrimination , social and economic equality. I guess by over empowerment you mean I can throw your behind in jail if you put your hands on me cuz I know it's a norm in your country and the woman keeps her mouth shut and says nothing . That's not being the head of a house that's being controlling and abusive. Mutual respect is what we are all about here not over empowerement of women as you call it. I take this very serious cuz I am a woman and this is a battle we are still fighting in the western world .
And asking about ones educational background , religious and personal belief I think is a usual question which every sensible woman asks when looking for a life partner.
You do not understand the implication of this article. How would you feel right now if I say you're a scammer and you're selling a fake book just to rip people off? Pretty pissed off I reckon.
I run a corporate firm and because of ridiculous notions like this my HR personnel do not look at nigerian applicants more than once cuz they assume everything on that resume is a lie no matter the experience. So genuine people wanting to make a life find it hard. You really don't understand the ripple effect of this article. Western women are not stupid as u think some just choose to do dumb things when they can see the obvious signs d guy is a looser and a nobody. Someone dating an illegal immigrant knows he is one but yet choses to continue.
Ladies the same precautions you take in dating a Caucasian or Asian is the same you take with Nigerian men. Every part of this world got hoodlums and loosers. Love yourselves and don't settle for less gradually build your love and get to know his family. There are loads of honest Nigerian men out there doing just fine and distant themselves from the shenanigans portrayed by the hoodlums. I am enjoying my marriage to a Nigerian male we are happy and occasionally visit. Although it was not easy for me at first cuz d extended family were pure racists and judgemental. But he loved me and I did as well that's what got us thru. Today they apologise and plead for forgiveness with some even trying to be moochers.
Love knows no color race ethnicity or religion . It's all about your happiness.
Stay blessed .
@shelvy, thanks for joining and for your comments, you have some valid points here, I agree that people are ignorant when dating online, yes, they take everything for granted without doing necessary background checks. It seems more like their mind must be in such a state of horror that they simply want to believe in what they are hearing and seeing. But if you do more research you will be shocked. All races and nationalities have losers and moochers and scammers as you said. But....
If you date Nigerian man online, you would find at least 8 out of 10 are scammers. If you date Italian, German, English etc. man online, there would be 1 or 2 scammers out of 10. And there's a great chance that at least one of them is Nigerian, pretending to be Italian or German! So, yes you are right in your observation that every race and nationality has scammers, but with very different ratio compared to Nigerians. That's the whole point of these pages, to educate people better.
These young Nigerians have mastered their profession, they are all sweet talkers, they know how to approach and exactly what to say to that particular type of western woman they targeting. So, my point is, their initial story is not any better or worse to the story your husband told you some 30 years ago! But your husband was genuine, honest man. They are professional liars! Pure Oscar performance master-act in order to obtain material goods from their victims or western country visa! They are so convincing.
It is great that you are happily married for 30 years to your Nigerian man, but things have changed a lot since then thanks predominantly to the internet and other modern ways of communication. Good, honest Nigerian man simply can't get chance to go through and meet someone because of so many heart breaking stories caused by bad Nigerian boys. Not only romance scam, there are lots and lots of other scamming activities, they became so professional in past few years that they even operate as a syndicate! Just google it and you'll know what I'm talking about.
Accofranco is doing great job in enlightening these facts to all ladies involved and so far has great results. I really can't see how he is spreading hatred, as you said. May God bless him and his great work.
The latest is.
After the initial visit I was determined not to go back, talk even, as I was angry he hadn't said his status before I travelled.( If he had I'd never of continued, understandable in a way why he didn't)
Anyway he's been there 8yrs, working for last 5. I stayed over @ his for 1night & met his house mates (older South American mum with 2 late teen sons, all lovely) then in Mornin joined him for his usual breakfast routine with work collegue (a local spanish guy).
Seen his place of work, family photos, etc all legit as far as I can see.
(Although 1 friend has suggested his sister & her babies photos are possibly his wife& kids. That hadn't occurred to me. What's the chances? He laughed when i said it @ 1st then got pretty upset/frustrated about it when I wouldn't drop it) thoughts???
he has 2yrs of uni education from nigeria and it's evident. Articulate, knowledgable etc.
For whatever reasons we just couldnt stop contact. He's been blatantly honest about his less then angelic deals prior to f/t job, although I don't condone I can understand why he did it. I do believe hes hell bent on gettin a good job & generally just being a better man with a bright future..& why not.
I went back again (split cost) & stayed at his for a week. We had a great chilled time. He cooked a lot..it was his kitchen..& just treated me really well. Nothin flash or ott. Just gentle & relaxed.
To cut a long story short, basically Im heading back for a 3rd time over festive period & we've discussed at length about how either I could move back with him or he joins Me in uk.
There's been numerous arguments about it all but we always seem to talk it through alone together & quickly come back to the fact we just want to be together. Regardless. Honestly Itl b far wiser he came here.
I've talked through all my fears and hes doing nothing but reasurring me that its for real. I go through major lows with doubts but when I lay them to 1 side, I feel happy, excited, lucky and really looking forward to building a life together.
Do I sound foolish to you?
We talk everyday, text randomly throughout, basically spend weekends together on Skype and even do the whole fall asleep on Skype together (sad mayb lol but for us just now that's the best we've got to being close until the next trip)
My hearts in it & I believe his is too. Neither of us expected this.
Any opinion gratefully appreciated.
Thank you for the quick reply
Hes in Spain. His status is not legal. he could,via a lawyer obtain residency as he has been there for so long without criminal record (I don't know anythin about such things, so took him at his word) however that wouldn't allow him to travel to the uk...so I couldn't see much point in it.
As for being able to work, he has some sort of spanish Id card that enables him.
The sister situ? This is the only doubt I have which comes and goes and it wasn't even mine originally...it was a friends!!!
Our plan is I visit for new year etc, a few weeks later he leaves Spain, returns home, gets a uk visiting visa & travels to meet me then after a couple months (all going well) we marry..properly. My family and a couple of his, plus his close friend.
He has invited me to come for a holiday in Nigeria while he's fhere..he really wants to show me round, to meet his family incl. the sister with babies who he is closest too. (She apparently wants to meet me)
He's said he'd love it if This sister with the kids could come to our wedding & asked but since she gave birth a couple of months ago, we aren't sure if she will manage. but her husband def could. All depends when it happens tbh.
He's given me 2 of her phone numbers (just incase of any emergency etc)
he has all his siblings initials in order tattooed on an arm, hers is there..?
We spoke about Gettin engaged in Spain but now he's sugestted hed love to do it in Nigeria instead.
Tbh, I'm not overly fussed about engagement/ring etc. But it's something he wants.
When he comes & because he can't work for a few months.. the plan is he's going to help me with finishing decorating my house with the £ Hes saved over the years incase he needed it for 'papers'. (He's more than willing to sign a prenup)
We just seem to be gettin closer and closer and it feels so right. I know he's not perfect (who is) but I believe he'd treat me so so well & vice versa.
Obviously after reading ur blog etc I guess I'm just wary.
What iyo opinion should/could I ask re the sister to clear things up full stop?
Thank you so much for hearing me out!
Thank you for the quick reply
Hes in Spain. His status is not legal. he could,via a lawyer obtain residency as he has been there for so long without criminal record (I don't know anythin about such things, so took him at his word) however that wouldn't allow him to travel to the uk...so I couldn't see much point in it.
As for being able to work, he has some sort of spanish Id card that enables him.
The sister situ? This is the only doubt I have which comes and goes and it wasn't even mine originally...it was a friends!!!
Our plan is I visit for new year etc, a few weeks later he leaves Spain, returns home, gets a uk visiting visa & travels to meet me then after a couple months (all going well) we marry..properly. My family and a couple of his, plus his close friend.
He has invited me to come for a holiday in Nigeria while he's fhere..he really wants to show me round, to meet his family incl. the sister with babies who he is closest too. (She apparently wants to meet me)
He's said he'd love it if This sister with the kids could come to our wedding & asked but since she gave birth a couple of months ago, we aren't sure if she will manage. but her husband def could. All depends when it happens tbh.
He's given me 2 of her phone numbers (just incase of any emergency etc)
he has all his siblings initials in order tattooed on an arm, hers is there..?
We spoke about Gettin engaged in Spain but now he's sugestted hed love to do it in Nigeria instead.
Tbh, I'm not overly fussed about engagement/ring etc. But it's something he wants.
When he comes & because he can't work for a few months.. the plan is he's going to help me with finishing decorating my house with the £ Hes saved over the years incase he needed it for 'papers'. (He's more than willing to sign a prenup)
We just seem to be gettin closer and closer and it feels so right. I know he's not perfect (who is) but I believe he'd treat me so so well & vice versa.
Obviously after reading ur blog etc I guess I'm just wary.
What iyo opinion should/could I ask re the sister to clear things up full stop?
Thank you so much for hearing me out!
Hi Accofranco
Am so grateful I came through your article God bless you in abundance for this it has opened my eyes also thanks to anonymous contributor and noactix,I am currently going through this literally from Thursday last week I have broken up with my latest Nigerian so called boyfriend who we were planning future together,it's a long story but anyway we are both from similar backgrounds religion wise and family set-up,just from different countries (both Africans)
Am a victim of Nigerian scams so far dated two of them both Yorubas (tribes has nothing to do with their behaviour)luckily the second one didn't manage to scam me because I already learned my lesson with the first one so had warning signs infront of me to avaoid it(the current ex-bf I just found out he was dating two other white girls scamming them for money I have their numbers I got from his phone after stayed at his place for a couple of weeks to get to know eachother even better,he lives in Vienna and I live in UK with British passport however he has a kid with Austrian woman I don't understand why he hasn't got citizenship to-date since he has lived there more than 10 years (through marriage)and also found out his Nigerian passport has expired so was suspicious of him and his mannerism so I decided to dig deeper I know may be I shouldn't intrude into his privacy but I had no choice since I have 2 kids too which am very protective of,and he has 1 I know of,we are both divorced for different reasons but I from much more good background than his,I was treating him like a king African style still he left me one Saturday afternoon to see the white girl and to get some money (I noticed it when we were making ....something was wrong)It sadness me that why would African man sell his body for money?I was suspicious to where he was going to that day (last week)so I had to look into it more and found what he does to these girls heartlessly don't know whether I should let the white girls know what he is up to or just leave it as its)People out there It's not only online meeting but even face to face some guys from your country give you guys a bad name,I live in Europe am black too but I would prefer Nigerians guys because of their confidence,charm and warm nature sometimes (I believe there is few good ones out there still) and similar culture background I can provide him with similar culture but I find most times they are just all about money especially if they know you have more than them,in this latest case the guy I dumped earn more than the white girl he is scamming money from how heartless and cruel is that??I told him this after I found out but he doesn't seems to care, I only knew he wanted to take advantage of me because he started saying he has used up his tax return money from last year which he was overpayed and he is required to pay from his salary for some three months to clear his debt so he will be struggling and may be lose his flat so the story became too familiar from my first experience I decided to dig deep into his affairs and realised he even left me to go see one of his women he sees for money right under my nose after reading texts from his phone,I particularly feel sorry for one the girls that he proclaimed he was seeing before me but in truth they still see because from his text he has beaten up this girls because she wasn't accepting what he wanted her to do (all these learned from going through his phone)she earn less than him yet he takes money from her every month she is a Slovakian attractive white girl,to behonest it's not only older white females fall for this scammers even good looking young white females fall for this scams as well as black girls from other countries who doesn't understand Nigerian culture very well,It's not only through online even face to face meeting you can meet these scammers when they get to know you better the usual storyline that they are having some sort of troubles and that you are their only options at the time.They play on weak women emotionally I must admit I fall into single women category because I am educated,good looking enough,Intelligent and smart,financially capable but I still crave strong moral correctly African man,hardworking,Intelligent and confident who will respect me as woman and life partner in turn am absolutely ready to compromise and be a housewife putting the need of my partner at hands in African tradition way but I have ended up with scammers both times so I don't hold any hope at all,am in my early 30's,It's important women share these stories to warn others,Am so ashamed from an African perspective these guys are all intelligent why chose a life of using their bodies to finance life in Europe I have lived here worked hard to invest back home why can't they use their brain to achieve their goals,why can't they use their smartness for good use instead of scamming vurnalable women very heartless and cruel, I believe God doesn't allow these people to enjoy their life in harmony, I don't understand it like this last guy we are literally compartible in many ways but he chose to throw away a good woman whom worshipped the ground he walks in for uncessary greediness and disrespectful behaviour he has no family here in Europe apart from the child whom he I don't think he cares about.Most lives like there is no tomorrow,It's not only about white foreign women it happens to even African women from other background too so It's not only immune to online dating real life dating too,just be cautious of warning signs like can you borrow me some money I have trouble with my bank account or my salary is late this month please assist me and I will pay you back next month the storylines then go on and on from there....(sorry my writing doesnt appear articulate and a little mixed up it's because am on the move and trying to squeeze my experience here)
Dear author,
WHY ARE YOU GIVING FOREIGNERS TIPS ON HOW BEST TO SNARE NIGERIAN MEN, when there are sooo many single Nigerian women keen on marrying ONLY Nigerian men?!
E no go better for you oh!
Dear Author,
I just read some of your replies, and found that you are a Nigerian man...and from your assessment of the tribes, o dolu mu anya na e bu onye Igbo. Ka mu gwa zia gi ka o dim:
o dim ka mu jide gi, tigbu o. Why, o why, are you giving away our treasured secret? As a Nigerian woman, I will say to you that we are the mothers of all our men, therefore, o zu kwa lu gi!
Thanks for all the advice given on this page and I would like to really commend you for sacrificing a lot to make sure everyone gets an answer to her question
I met a Yoruba man a few months back and it coincidentally happened that after meeting him a few weeks online,I went to Nigeria for a church conference.We met and I must confess I liked him even though I am very careful not to allow my heart to fall so fast for him.
I have tried to div on everything he has told me about him and up to so far I haven't seen anything suspicious.
My only concern is that he recently told me he wants to marry me n I told him we must take things easy but he insisted we don't waste time because I am 39 and that time is not on our side.
I don't know what to think about it for now (part of me is scared) but in he shows to be a gentleman in all he is doing
I would like to add that he is 41,educated and very handsome.He works with one of the companies in Nigeria as a computer programmer.I am a divorcee with 3 children and he has a kid from a relationship that couldn't lead to marriage because of
interracial issues
I don't know if I am to believe him or not cos he just sounds too gentlemanish and moving a bit too fast for my liking
When I was in Nigeria there,he looked so happy to see me,telling me I am more beautiful in real life than in photos.He took me out and bought me things and has been calling since
He says he would like to come and visit me know my country next year then afterwards he will lAter come for the wedding
I would like you to help me on what to do to check how genuine he is.i have googled his name,work place and staff and found those to be genuine
So far he hasn't asked me for money and even his coming this side will be out of his pocket
Sorry for the long write up
Please help a sister in need.I have made mistakes in the past and don't want history repeating itself again
Thank you
I'm Australian and met my nigerian (Igbo) through a friend so we started chatting over the phone then chatting online he lives in malaysia we were getting to know each other for a year till i decided to fly over he paid half i paid half of my flight all went well we got engaged and then i flew back to australia keeping in touch with each other everyday skyping and calling everyday then i flew back again lived with him for a few months then came back due to work committments then flew back again to stay with him we are now planning our wedding we love each other and i've met all his friends in malaysia he's met my immediate family & friends via skype i believe he is a good man he's made me a better woman he is very overprotective of me and looks after me well we are both christians and want to have children together we are planning to travel to nigeria in the new year after the wedding and everything. We've spoken openly to each other about our past relationships he had an ex gf in nigeria whose married now i was engaged five years ago but didn't work out he's married now he is 5 years older then me i've been with nigerians before in australia which didn't work out i've dated a range of different ethnicities congo, sengalese, ghana, maori, european, samoan, tongan, and now nigerian he is not my first so i know what im getting myself in to my family know i love this guy and i know he loves me too. Not all nigerian men are users there are some good ones it just takes time to find them dont rush in to things. Wish you ladies the best :) By the way we both young and both have no kids i have no money and i am willing to live in nigeria i love the culture and my family supports everything i do. He also calls my mum when we fight which i find weird like him i call his brother when i'm mad at him but i think with out our families behind us and making us sort our differences we would've just broke up but we are still standing strong.
I would just like to say there are good & bad men in every race, in every country. Yes, Nigerian men have quite a reputation but most people are quicker to complain than to praise so negative stories are going to be more prevalent and easier to find. There are plenty good, honest, God fearing Nigerian men. SURPRISE!..they can even be found online if you look well and use the common sense the good Lord gave us. I have the most wonderful man I have ever known in my life...he's yoruba, lives in Nigeria, we met online, I'm Puerto Rican-American, and was married once before. We broke many of the rules listed in this article (not recommended if you cannot easily see through bull***t, lol). The undesirable qualities and nonsense behaviors you would use as a barometer to judge a potential partner if they were from your own country is the same qualities and behavior you use to judge a potential foreign partner. It comes down to common sense and being honest with yourself when analyzing that special someone's mannerisms. When you see crazy coming... cross the street! When someone shows you who they really are... believe them the first time. Don't go about making excuses or explaining away undesirable aspects of your lover in hopes of make things easier for you or those around you to accept and overlook....Don't live in denile. Also don't cause problems where none exist. If your man is good to you & treats you well, shows you respect & consideration, you have mutual understanding, and you communicate freely...Girl, enjoy that wonderful Nigerian man because it could be true love. Don't sabotage your relationship because of the horror stories you see online or hear from the people around you. Don't bring unnecessary negativity and suspicion into your relationship. If you exercise proper caution and utilize positive relationship behaviors (as you would in any endeavor in your life) you can significantly reduce your chance of falling prey to a scam romance and greatly increase your chances of having the relationship of your dreams. In my personal opinion and experience, a good Nigerian man makes the most responsible and loving of partners...especially for a woman with more traditional family values like myself. Other than the grace of God, the biggest things that helps our relationship to flow so effortlessly is that we are understanding of one another, share the same values, and are each wholly committed to each other and our relationship...each of us playing our part. Successful relationships are 100-100 not 50-50. Love wont be enough if there is no compatibility.
Good luck ladies...praying for all my sisters out here to avoid heartache and instead have the type of love that is made in heaven. ~Tonina
Wow! This site is a blessing! I too have been in a relationship with a Nigerian man for almost 4 months (we dated for 1). We are both devout Christians and he respects my desire to wait til marriage. 2 months after we met, he moved to NH for a job. So we have been doing the long distance thing for almost 3 months. We each fly to see the other person once a month. At times its stressful, but we work thru it. He recently said he thinks I talk about marriage TOO much?! What does that mean? (ESPECIALLY COMING FROM A NIGERIAN MAN lol)) He loves me and said he wants to be with me. We talk about kids all the time too. He has mentioned moving back to Nigeria, which I am fine with. I would just prefer we do it after we raise our kids here. I have no issue with him being the head of the household because I trust him and trust God will lead him. SO...What do you think of his marriage comment though? He did admit to me that he was married in Nigeria for a little bit and got divorced....and the divorce still bothers him because he is such a dedicated Christian. So I thought he may think I am rushing him, but he said no. So, any thoughts?
Hey again...first, THANK YOU! I definitely get your point and he said he didn't feel like I was rushing him. I guess he didn't like the idea of me reciprocating his "what if" questions about the future.
More recently, I think I may have forced him to really think about what it means to be an American woman. I told him, I am open to learning his culture, but that his children will have a different upbringing from what he and I had....JUST because we have 2 different cultural backgrounds. I have no problem learning to cook Nigerian foods or even his language, but I only know to pass down my Christian Midwest values, just like his Christian Nigerian values. So we may be hitting a road block with that. He said the more he thought about it, he didn't really like the idea of having a multicultural family. My heart sank. I ask him to figure out which parts of his Nigerian culture would be most important to hand down to his children and he said he would think about that. We'll talk about it today, but honestly part of me feels like I need to prepare for a break up......:( So I'll just continue to pray.
Good day Ladies and gentlemen. There is neither Jew nor Greek. Let God guide you in the choice of a life partner!
hi all have read all your comments am very interested , ok I have been in a relationship with a Nigerian ibo man for a year im from Australia he lives and works in Qatar I have visited him and we are engaged now . He is 32 and im 52 years young meaning I do not look my age and am very very active we are both Christian in faith . He is a beautiful loving man who has always treated me with respect and great love . we have talked about our past lives and relationships and what we expect for our marage we have both been married I have older children and he has a young son who we plan to bring to Australia when we marry , we have planed to travel to Nigeria when ever we can and to make a loving caring home for both our children he knows he will not have anymore and is content with that . we love each other very much and both our familys support us . it has not been a easy road but we have made a promise from the beging no lies no secrets no hidden feelings communication at all time is the most important thing and respect. Don't worry we have had our disagrements but have always talked them out we made a promise we would stay together and support each other and both work and do things together he cooks I cook we both clean we don't go to bed angry and we respect each others space ...... Yes it has been hard but I would never give up our love for anything , but as you say early days but I pray this will last ..... here is hope it is all true
I love this webpage. I beleive it helps a lot of people in needs all over the globe. I am an asian single lady. Currently dating an igbo man in my home land. He persue his master degree in my country. He is married and got wife back home. He proposed me to marry him. Unfortunately his wife cannot gave birth due to age factors. We have meet once and be having lots of fun together. In fact we are both happy in a way that we cheerish each other so well. We have come to a conclusion that something need to be done. With both party agreement. I am a lady and i can simply understand his wife feelings so well. I dont like to be treated such and i dont beleive in divorcee too. I am willing to be the second wife, whom live in foreign land and be having my family ere, i can simply visit his homeland from time to time. And i beleive i can be able to take it that way. I love him and have faith in our relationship. Please guys i need some input here. May god help me.
Well unfortunately things have changed....he told me his ex-wife didn't sign the divorce papers. Now, I don't know if its different in Nigerian, but in the US....it takes two to get married and two to divorce. He claimed that in Nigeria if two people don't see each other for two years then its considered done. But he said his lawyer told him, since he has filed...its over. Is that true? How does divorce work in Nigeria? He also said he is going to get his dowry back. Its all a mess. Though we have broken up, we still love each other. We continue to pray for each other, but I refuse to be with someone who claims they are divorce when they might not be. Its just hard, because we tell each other all the time how much we miss each other. :(
just came across your article and I must say it is a very interesting article and to the point. However, it does cause alot of high emostions expecially for those who have have found love in a Nigerian man. I must say that I am of African origin but I am not Nigerian. I was in a relationship with a Nigerian man who I shared two beautiful children with. I guess they say experience is the best teacher and if you do not listen the world will teach you. Unfortunately, I fell in that category. Nigerians we meet out if their habitual environment are very different. From my experience I did not know much about the cultural differences. After endless phone calls from different women with children only a few months apart from mine I knew that it was time to exit. I was ignorant enough not to assert my self that the first thing Nigerians in a foreign land will do is to ensure thst their immigration status is sorted before anything and trust me that they will do anything to acquire this. When he went back to Nigeria and could not travel back suddenly I and my kids became very important. Once his return was not successful we meant nothing to him. He found a new nigerian girl of his tribe kicked and asked his sister to look after our kids as he needed to ensure that his girlfriend was not disturbed.
I wont say much but my advice is that if a nigerian man really loves you and wants to be with you. Maybe suggest to him that you would rather go and live in his village. Also bear in minds thats in Nigeria before marriage family background is very important.
so be very careful because you only see the true colours once they are in their environment. Also bear in mind that cultural practice allows the men to marry more than one wife or have children outside their marriage. You will hardly get any support to raise your child. The mentality towards foreign women is that she can raise her own child once the child is grown these a like hood that the child will look for the father. So be prepared. Everyone has different experiences but if you do not meet a nigerian man in Nigeria who wants you to live there then count your fingers lucky aboyt his motives.
Wishing you all the best.
Hi im so happy i came across this site.
i met this Nigerian almost a year ago when he came to my country as a volunteer researcher. He came in Jan 2014 and was suppose to leave in May of the same year. However, he overstayed and underplaying the extend to which he overstayed. He has asked me to marry him but my divorced hadn't been finalized as yet. He has meet members of my family but he felt shy to speak personally with my dad. Is this a bad sign? i have spoken with his parents but they don't know that my divorce isn't final. His father has asked him about me but he hasn't told him the extend of our relationship.
last year i found out that he was speaking to another lady who identified herself as his wife and when i told him about it he denied knowing the person. After sometime she saw my car always at his work and she stopped communicating with him only for a short time. She would call him for money for her daughter school fees or to place data on her cell phone. He says it was just a lady who he was trying to get to push his work permit.
He was deported by immigration for over staying and we are still together trying to get married but my divorce still isn't final and i asked him to get an arranged marriage and he declined.
i need help understanding if this is real before i make another mistake by marrying the worry man.
I met a nigerian here in Australia.. He was an athlete..he stayed with me until his visa expired he returned to nigeria so i travelled over there to get married.... From the day we met till we got married ..7 mths later.. We'd only been apart for 2 mths..d.. Filled in visas etc paid for everything, sent him money after i returned home...I supported him for over 3 years while he continued to train .. Found out he was cheating with various women here and in Nigeria ( as he travelled back and forth for competitions) He ended up getting another woman pregnant and having a child with her... I an Italian and hold family values very high.. But after reading emails he had sent , ( to other women) confirmed that all he was after was residency and i was just 'a white setup' as he had written... I have lots of nigerian friends even a child i am godmother to... I gave him everything he wanted in every way..i even started to learn Yoruba... He took advantage of my love for him... He is the type of man that gives all Nigerians a bad name..
I am a Eastern European lady married to good, God fearing Igbo man for 19 years. He is a most wonderful, loving husband to me and fantastic father to our children. Our baby died years ago and he supported me through such a grief. I thank God for my husband every single day.
Hi, just thought I'd update...maybe since this is almost like the only place I can truly vent what's going on in my life. Apart from with my fiancé...yup we got engaged!
Unfortunately I wish I was coming back with good news but it doesn't look like it.
What I mean is since my last post, I did return to Spain and we decided to go for it. Build a future together have a family etc
So He proposed and admittedly I was reluctant to go public as I wanted to get the visa situ in place first. But since it was such a huge commitment I kinda felt like I owed it to my family to be honest.. They were delighted for me. But didn't know the circumstances @ that point.
When I got home, yet again I didn't want to tell work but he said he'd take that as an insult and that I wasn't serious/ashamed of him & on reflection & since it was real, I went ahead and told work mates..
(I deliberately havent told close friends, a combo of working away from home plus the visa thing....they knew about his status in Spain and were fearful for me)
So anyway. After him talking to his sister (def no longer doubt her as real sis) she promised us her husband, who is established in the political scene would help us get him a visiting visa.
So He quit his job.
He didn't really want to go to Nigeria in many ways as he thought the safest way would be for me to marry him in Spain but I was determined we should do it legally, no overstayer probs etc and encouraged the sister route so hed arrived here legally.
Honestly the minute he landed there, there has been nothin but drama, anxiety, stress and tears!!!
I for sure didn't know they'd be paying their "travel agent" a huge amount to obtain docs. No way. If I had known I'd never ever have encouraged it. I believe he didn't know either...her never have given up a job and his livelihood I'm sure of it!
The story is long at this point but basically after many fears they submitted an application. ( we couldn't have done fiance one as we hadn't enough proof/time together to be taken seriously... Plus my family and work were all wondering what was taken so long..they said he'd arrive in 1 month) its now 3 months later and he received an email saying visa ready to collect.
I've been so anxious I've googled and came across a web site that basically shows us it's a refusal. With what grounds I don't know yet but because of these stupid docs, if detected, will likely be a 10 year ban.
We are beyond broken right now. It's almost too much really.
I'm sat here now at the stage of considering moving there but the harsh truth is we have no where to live, he has no job nothing!
In know my job in oil & gas could provide me with some options over there but still.... I just don't know. I'd have to give up everything I've worked hard for, with no guarantees at all. I'm scared and of course he understands my fears...we just don't know what to do
If it's a ban it's doubtful even with spouse visa he can enter. This is truly a night mare.
Worse still is the fact if we have no choice but to split he's back home after 8 years with nothing at all. Nothin. In my heart I'm so devastated. We just don't even know what to do.
I don't expect a reply...cos what can one say....unless you fancy giving me an opinion on how you think life would be for me over there?
Like I say he hasn't officially recieved a refusal but if I've learnt anythin its trust ur gut and my gut says it's not good. :( so sad!
I have been talking with a Yoruba man for a couple of months via Skype n Phone.....We talk about marriage, and All from A-Z....We have done the basic talking n getting to know one another, I would like more Information on Yoruba Men.I read the different postings, Good n Bad.....Haven't read MUCH ABOUT the YORUBA MAN.I do Love him n want to Marry him.He works in Qatar for 3yrs.now n conditions r NOT good for him n his friends...Please Give True n Honest Information on the YORUBA MAN n There CULTURE.Thnxs.
m dating a Nigerian man and his Yoruba...honestly m tired of hearing stories that Nigerian men marry for rituals... foreign women come to marry in Nigeria then next they are dead... that's e theory in most countries abt Nigerian men... its difficult to inform family that one s dating a Nigerian man be coz of these dark issues.... we also see these in ur movie entertainments or read on internet news or even concrete evidence.... please clear our heads I also keep in mind that darkness s practiced everywhere but t s most talked and linked with Nigeria
I met a Nigerian guy through my church (I'm British) and we became friends. At times he was particularly affectionate with me and at other times he would be very cold. At the time I thought this was because his friend, who is also Nigerian was interested in me. With time he began to show more interest (over a period of a few months). Then all of a sudden I heard he was either married or engaged. I was shocked as I thought we were at least good friends and he would have informed me of this. He then made a point of letting a group of us (including myself) know. I later found out it was because he found out his friend had informed some people and he didn't want his friends (particularly me) to find out through other people.
Anyway when I saw him and asked him we ended up having a four hour conversation in which he told me he respected me deeply and did not know how best to let me know he was engaged. He said that he is naturally a caring person and he did not mean to give me the wrong signals.
What I'm curious to know is, why the big secrecy? It seemed like even after he'd made the small announcement that he was desperate to keep the marriage on the DL. He told me that it was also partially a cultural thing but honestly the whole situation baffles me.
What are your thoughts?
A friend of mind found an Nigerian man online he told her to come so they can get married in the palace she believed him and went not herd anything from her since is this normal the guy in in is 30 and she is in 50 could this be real she would be the queen please help
I'm interested to know about isoko men. I met one online and I've fallen madly in love. he's a frank + reserved and hard working man based in Qatar and I'm a talkative, college student from Southern Africa. he's already asked me to visit him in Qatar (all expenses paid). Are isoko men of good character. I must add, he doesn't want to marry a Nigerian woman cause they are demanding in terms of money.
Hello again :-) its Gina. Thought I could shake my ex (Ebo) but I can't! Since our break up, we spent several months apart. We are in touch again and closer now than ever before. How long does the divorce process and proceedings take in Nigeria? My ex shared that his wife in Nigeria is refusing to even respond to him. What happens if she never does? I'm just not going to enter in a relationship with him until his divorce is final. Its the only thing I refuse to pray about because I disagree with divorce. At the same time, I love him. We're learning to communicate and compromise so much better than before. Its been really amazing this 2nd time around......
Hey accofranco.I am a Kenyan lady dating a Yoruba guy.For the last 7 months everything was okay frequent calls,Skype and i fell in love with him.July he traveled to USA for his PhD.Things started changing like being cold on me....Less calls and sometimes he take days to respond to my calls.I know he is busy with his studies as same with me but it really hurts to see him online yet my messages goes unanswered.Am at the point of calling it quit since i dont know where our relationship is headed.
Should i just forget him and give him ample time for his studies as per his excuse or what do you think?
After reading this article, i think i should of found it before 3 years of wasting my money on a man who was millions miles away from me.confessing his love and he Christian ,only things is he had no faith in God. Yes i could admit my wrong's but the signs that he only wanted to leave his country was just the reason for him to talk with me,and i was working to send him money. .what i thought was love was use..if that man is not in the usa..its a no.
Thank you for this great article. Will definitely get your book. However need your advice please. I am 45 year old indian woman with a great career n education n very much in love with my igbo 36 year old man. We are planning to marry because he feels i will make a great wife because of the qualities he says he has seen in me. I love his culture n have been in contact with his family.I have immence respect for his family ,culture n traditions eventhough i m the breadwinner for the moment. He still wants to take care of me n does what he can although i dont demand much because i understan his situation.
But i worry so much because of the age difference n the fact that at my age i wont be able to have children for him. He says not to talk about it n when the time permits we will adopt.He has siblings but no parents n he is beginning to attach himself with my mother. Please tell me if i m worrying unnecessarily because we make a great team despite our cultural diferences n educational background.
Pls advise as i want to be the best wife to him. He already tells me i make him proud but within me i hv so much fear, this age thing is getting me down.
Appreciate every piece of advice u can give me.
God Bless
My sister is in love with a Yoruba man, she is 49 and he is 37. She met him through business and they fell in love within a month. She says he is sweet, quiet, caring and she has feelings for him that she hasn't felt in a long time. Also, she used to date women exclusively before she fell in love with him. She didn't tell him this until later in the relationship and all she told him was that she had a relationship when she was in college. She wants him to visit her in the US and he said yes. he was denied the visa and he told her that they should marry, but she said no it was too soon. they have confessed their love and he says she is the one for him and that age is not a problem. He is hell bent on coming to the US to be with her and he plans to stay and not return. She cannot have children for him and he says it's not a problem. He has no children of his own, at least none she knows about. She says he is not married and has no children, and that he showed her documents to support it. when he found out about her dating a woman he told her it was not a problem either. she said she met his brother and wife and four children, he has no parents and it appears that in all of Nigeria these are the only relatives her has, no cousins, aunts, uncles, nothing. I find this hard to believe. she has been there several times to visit, she pays for everything because he has no money. if he comes her to live she will support him until he finds a job, which will not be a legitimate job since he wont have documents. she is hell bent that she wants to be with him and that he loves her and is sincere about wanting to be with her, but I am skeptical. why would a good looking young African man choose to be with an older woman who cant give him a family? Isnt family important to African men? what about her sexual lifestyle? aren't African men homophobic? she says he has told her that he is only interested in being with her and that's all that matters to him. she appears to believe all of this and all he tells her. the other thing is that he has lied to her about his ex and made up an elaborate story and apologized and she forgave him. he gets upset when she mentions the girlfriend. she has popped up several times in the relationship and he gives her a story and she believes him, she tells me that she has to believe him or there is no trust. ok. she now thinks that the ex is evil incarnate, and that he is the poor thing just trying to make his way in life. I don't trust him at all. I cant tell her anything because she is in love and says he loves her too. he appears to like to party and he drinks a hell of a lot. she thinks that she can fix him when he comes. he has no money and she says he will need to leave his ego behind when he comes because she will have to give him money. all of this he tells her he has no problems with. she does not go to church at all, she is not religious, she is opinionated and lacks patience, and she will yell. I don't know if these are traits African men find attractive but somehow I don't think so, and she is jealous in nature. I ask her if he has a temper she says no, he's calm and he doesn't even raise his voice. she says its not in his nature to be loud or mean. I tell her to be careful because all the things she knows about him is only from two weeks of being with him physically in vacation mode and everything else by email and sms. she says she knows him and he wouldn't hurt her. Now, I need someone to tell me if I am wrong to be concerned? I maintain that she does not know him well enough to bring him here to stay alone with her in her house, she says I am worried for no reason and if I don't trust that she can make good decisions. Not in this instance I don't. am I wrong?
I don't agree with you by saying a Nigerian will prefer go home to find a wife,maybe 15 ,20 years ago not anymore.I from the island and my husband is from Nigeria we're happily married,the funny thing all his Nigerians friends are married to foreigners.Even my Nigerian females friend keep asking why Nigerian men love Haitian women so much lol.I think before yes, they used to go back home to get married not anymore.
Women in the western world do not run to divorce. It is actually within the standards of society of the average woman frowned upon. It is a stain on the woman as well as cause economic downturn as well.
The truth is you have not shared your sources of your opinion of Western Women.
The media portrays divorce as "acceptable" or "okay". However in everyday households and lives, it still holds a high value to work on your marriage, especially for your children.
Feminism and Gender Equality hurts a man's ego. A real man is not threatened by an educated loving woman. He is delighted by it. Submissiveness is unhealthy. It stifles a person's voice, and breeds abuse, low self esteem and depression. And for the man, he is not happy having a depressed wife. It takes the JOY and DELIGHT out of the sacredness of the journey those two share between themselves and The Creator. This is a Statistic. Public Knowledge.
The problem with marriage in general is (Statistics Prove this) Men are encouraged to be AGGRESSIVE in life and in doing so by default take that same AGGRESSIVENESS into their sacred marriage, at the slightest MISUNDERSTANDING OR SLIGHT CONCERN. This causes major discord, disharmony and unhappiness for both.
Statistically THIS is where the problem stems.
BALANCE AND HARMONY is truly what we all seek Western or Eastern, Southern or Northern.
**Because of the confusion of what feminism/gender equality really means (equal pay for the same job regardless of what private parts you have, being able to Vote, Drive, Get an Education etc)
So please moving forward look away from Media hyped rubbish as for you're saying "Western Women run" to divorce. That's a load of rubbish.
The reason the Divorce rate is high here is not the blame of women but of specific behaviours ignored by society that overflows into the marriage. *Another Statistic is that majority of violent crimes against women Statistically happen at the hands of their spouses.*
So in the Western World we have ill prepared men and women rushing to uphold tradition without the tools to first Heal themselves and Grow Up Mentally.
All Cultures in the Black Diaspora seek True Depth, Love, and Harmony within their Sacred Marriages.
Stay away from Media it is prepared to specifically keep families broken, thus keep the citizens weak, divided and conquered.
A Woman loves to be gentle and soft with her Man, it's inherent. That is what a real, mature minded woman desires. Please do some further research.
Wish I would found this site 5 years ago. Short story met a Nigerian man here in the US. He chased me for months. I called him the forbidden fruit. Bc, at the time he was living with his Ex- wife. And one night he Called to say she had walked out on him to be with her American husband. I agreed to meet him for drinks to try and cheer him up. He showed me all the text messages and even called her. I am a very caring person. Well after about 3 weeks and she hadn't returned home I offered to take him to dinner. We discussed what he wanted to do about his situation.and he said that if she didn't return then he would let go. Weeks went by and nothing. Well I had my own problems and had to refocus. Needless to say about 2 months later we stared dating. 2 years later we were married. But my hapines was shorted lived. I help pay for his mother's visit here and thinking I am going to meet my new mother in law. My new husband informs me that he need sometime to figure things out. That his mother wanted him to deal with his ex wife first and to make sure it was over. Bc they have 2 boys. Well let's say it wasn't a great honeymoon.
Thanks for this blog, it helps me a lot and open my mind more.. I am committed with a Nigerian man for Four months that why id search a blog or reading about his country, and helps me to catch up easy his tradition and understand more his attitude,we're not talking offen because of our complicated schedule of work but we make a day to be together.. I was very thankful because he was a good guy one thing thats why I like him. He was very hard working person, and he always check me if I am fine. I hope I will learned more about him. Thank you a lot.
I am a Nigerian Man and most of what you say is true, apart from the partying of the Yoruba man. Igbo's and Yoruba's love to party because its akin to going to the movies or clubs. the parties are generally during festive occasions, engagements or marriage ceremonies. However individuals are different in disposition and countenance so generalizing based on tribe is flowed. I detest parties, believe in family,love and faithfulness including my religion.
Nice try writer. But not all what you write applies to the modern world. I agree with the idea that most who left Nigeria illegally are looking for a way to be legal by marrying any kind of woman that comes their way just to get a residence of the country but don't forget that some of this person are mostly university graduate and would wish to work legally in the country also if give the opportunity.
Are you writing this from Nigeria? have you lived outside of Nigeria before?
i live in philippines and i have a nigerian boyfriend and he told me that he want to marry me here but he want to marry in nigeria also for there traditional rites ,is that true that he cannot get his rites from his family unless he did not married a nigerian laday?