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What is the true birth date of Jesus Christ
kgb answers » Spirituality & Mythology » Religion » What is the true birth date of Jesus Christ
Tags: september 11, scholarly method, jesus christ, christ, bible
Sunday, February 05 2012
Source: http://bytheword.com/birth
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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2754607754754189862016-06-27T08:49:23.351+01:00Rabid About BeerKing of Snark - Sid Boggle.Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-56244956560383233372016-06-24T21:23:00.000+01:002016-06-24T21:24:31.500+01:00At Least They're Decent People Though, Right?Indecent people all over the UK yesterday failed in their attempt to keep the UK from Brexiting* the European Union.
Thousands of devastated naked people are currently making a plan to move to Scotland or Northern Ireland in a desperate bid to stay European on account that most Brits are fucking idiots; but at least they're decent, eh?

The Crafty beer movement is said to be in real jeopardy now as decently clothed people won't be able to afford the price of imported beer as the pound slipped to it's lowest since the Thatcherite dark ages. Not that 'decent people' ever drank it anyway; no they're far too hard working for that sort of nonsense.

Call me Ham-Face even had the balls to step down, paving the way for Bojo The Clown and his gang of merry Goves to take control and send the world spinning towards World War Z with Bojo on one side and Drumpf on the other. At least they are decent people though, eh?

What could possibly go wrong...? But at least they're decent, eh?

UKIP leader Nigel Far-right, last seen celebrating with a pint of Greede Kerching has yet to grasp the concept that he's now obsolete having formed his party to break the UK out of the evil clutches of the European union, even half-witted idiot beer blagger, Rancidbarfly can see the irony of that!

Apparently the indecent masses are planning a mass naked protest in Trafalgar Square on Tuesday as a reaction to losing the vote in the naive hope that it might make the blindest bit of fucking difference.

*LAZY FAKE WORD KLAXON

Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-28460928349151001632016-06-21T19:58:00.003+01:002016-06-21T19:59:50.706+01:00£15 a Pint? Not Only in That London!There's nothing like a pint at the end of a hard day at work and at £3.79* you can drink as much as you fucking like, reported The Mirror yesterday.

Apparently Sunday was a slow news day as they instead chose to share a story by one of their artisanal beer experts which was just a reaction to reading a tweet by a local councillor in Chorlton, up north somewhere.

British drinkers love a pint but how many of them would get their wallets out for an ale selling at £15 a go and it wasn't even in that London or even one of them foreign beers!

No it was Inhumane Cock & Balls, by Magic Mike's brewery again, up north somewhere. Apparently there's a stylish bit of Manchester now where all the London youngsters hang out and at the imaginatively named The Bar, this monstrosity of a beer was on! Do they know NOTHING!!?? There is no stylish part of Manchester!

They spelt the beers name wrong

The tweet that this garbage came from simply said 'for those of you with too much money. A £15 pint in The Bar #Chorlton'.

HA! Shows what he knows! There's no such thing as too much money!!

The Mirror continued anyway with the tasting notes for Inhumane Cock & Balls, even though they were merely copying someone else work...again. Not that anyone cared what this beer tasted like, they just wanted to see pictures of celebrities drinking it in their favourite mind numbing reality show!

Then they bleated on about a study or something that was done on the price of beer last year Apparently in areas with higher incest rates the price of beer is a lot lower so in Herefordshire the average price of a pint was only £3.10 but your sister is your mother...or something; whereas in London where we tend to do less of that sort of thing, it was generally 82p more expensive. Less incest, more expensive beer, i can deal with that.

Then they continued moaning about a Swedish beer which was on sale in some Shoreditch dive being £7.50(the same price as a half of the Inhumane Cock & Balls).

Going that extra mile to alienate their readership(most of whom were only there for the pictures) The Mirror then started quoting the Good Pub Guide, a publication from The Campaign Fo' Real Ale in which the author tells the membership where they can tick off their beers in the cheapest way possible; and that was generally the north of England, after all it's just like a really really cheap version of London with people that talk to you on public transport!

*Let's assume they were talking about the Carling and Guinness which their Artisanal Beer Expert dragged out as examples of ABV. Well done author, you can read a pumpclip.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-68173210169481510822016-06-11T11:52:00.000+01:002016-06-12T10:44:54.744+01:00ARISE SAINT BREWDOGCraft beer trolls all over the UK rejoiced today as two of their favourite henchmen, James Watt and Martin Dickie were given Sainthoods in the queens birthday honours.

The 5am Saints

Mr Watt, who now wants to be called Saint Punk of Craft Beer said 'to have been awarded something so prestigious is well (t)rad'.
Mr Dickie, could not be found to comment that he is already making his staff call him 'Saint Crafty of crafty brewers'.

The Queen herself was shocked that she was getting criticism from the dirty left wing republican types and defended her divisive choice by saying that if the Pope can canonize people then as the head of the Church of England she was well within her rights to 'saint' two such admirable young men who have been turning water into beer since 2007.

It was widely reported on the BBC today that the main reason for Sainting these two people was because they once made a beer called Speedball, the drug cocktail of choice of royals for many years now.

Other critics have spewed on social media that making the Queen get up at 5am just to saint two brewers (well one brewer and a marketing chap) was just being mean to a kind old lady who gives and gives and never asks for anything in return....apart from palaces and more money than she knows what to do with...

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-86316802666721120372016-06-06T09:28:00.004+01:002016-06-06T09:28:36.811+01:00Fullers 'I Could Do That' Day A Hit With Old BlokesWell known family brewer, Fullers are celebrating fathers day this June by running a competition called 'I Could Do That' day.
Aimed squarely at blokes who have always wanted to run their own pub but never had the bollocks, 'I Could Do That' day is predicted to be a massive hit as they are under the false impression they'll be able to show the bar staff how to pour beer properly before having to admit that they actually don't have a fucking scoobie.
The winning bloke will also have the opportunity to try and remember more than one drink at a time on the order whilst being shouted at by three different customers and trying to figure out who was actually first at the bar, regardless of which type of banknote is being waved in their faces as they try to put beer down without spilling it; and for that extra 'I Could Do That' authenticity they will be able to experience the asshole that orders Guinness last before telling said asshole that they don't serve Guinness here, just crafty Fullers stout.

The competition will also involve the winning blokes face and name on the pub sign and his favourite food groups on the menu.
Middle aged beer blagger, Rancidbarly is said to be disappointed that he doesn't qualify due to not having impregnated some random years ago as he was looking forward to having his favourite food stuffs on the menu at his local which would have read a bit like this...

Starter

12 Might-Be-Chicken Nuggets & BBQ jus

Main

Fucking Humongous Burger with Everything, served w/cheesy chips

Dessert

Cake, Don't Care What Type.

Afters

 (to be served on the way home)

Chicken Doner w/ Garlic Marinarde

When asked what he would have called the pub had he been allowed to enter, and won, our favourite crafty beer hero replied 'The Drunken Halfwit'.

Entries can be made on the Fullers website where people can upload pictures of their old man and tell the family owned company why their dad should win in 140 characters or less. Apparently 'To get the grumpy old bastard out of the house' is the most popular answer so far with a massive 5m entries.
Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-87410504279119774252016-05-26T09:36:00.001+01:002016-05-26T09:36:16.381+01:00Mega Beer Manufacturer Eats Another Whole....and Burps.Eu regulators finally gave in to Mega beer manufacturers AB InBev and allowed them to swallow SAB Miller whole for the measly price of €71bn making AB InBev the new Godzilla of the brewing industry.

Clearance was given with the condition that AB InBev sold nearly all of SAB Millers European based businesses, worth about €71bn.

AB InBev new logo

A faceless spokesman from AB InBev was quoted as saying "seems legit" before letting out a huge SAB flavoured burp.

Brewing Super-villain, Julio Utter-Bastard commented, "i just wish i'd thought of that" before going back to being Taxmans bitch.

Margrethe Vestager, commissioner in charge of competition policy said "this decision will ensure that competition is not weakened in these markets and that EU consumers are not worse off; well, no more worse off than if they'd drunk their own piss anyway".
"Europeans buy around €125bn (£98.8m) worth of beer every year so even a relatively small price increase could cause considerable financial harm to consumers! After all they are already paying over the odds for that crafty stuff, they only reason they drink the fizzy yellow piss is because it's cheap, it would have caused another world wide financial collapse"

Ahead of their AGM to be held in June, the Secret Guild of Beer Blaggers released a statement through one of their most revered members, Aidy Sweary-Pants saying "We, the Guild, would stand behind this takeover only if the quality of the beer isn't affected" he kept talking but in words only understood by an alien race known as the Xtellr (pronounced Crap-O-Beer) so we kinda stopped listening after that.

Average Joe Public looked on bemused and said "as long as i ain't paying that for my fucking beer next week, i'm alright wiv it!"

Life goes on as if nothing has happened.Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-22805327957889266392016-05-11T13:39:00.001+01:002016-05-11T13:39:33.674+01:00Budweiser Stunt Backfires As Trump Buys AmericaProducers of fizzy yellow piss, Budweiser have been left red faced as they tried to 'one-up' Donald Trump who has threatened to make America great again, by renaming their 'beer' America. Only to have Donald Trump buy America and by default, Belgium too!

FUCK YEAH!

The script on the can will read America until after the election in November when someone that's not Obama will be in the White House. Donny McTrumpface, as he likes to be known was so impressed by the new branding that he decided to buy it.

Ironically for America Budweiser, the beer, if you can call it that, is actually owned by Belgian Mega-Coroporation AB InBev who own most of Belgium too so as well as buying his way to the Presidency, Trumpton McTrumpyfarce has actually bought himself a small country in Europe too! Sorry Trumpus, no backsies!

There was also shock for the rest of us when Budweiser, now of course owned by SuperTrump decided to translate 'e pluribus unum' which they translated as 'Trumps Penis woz here'. Quite.

They had also planned to put some Woody Guthrie lyrics to This Land is Your Land on the cans but thought better of it knowing that all American land was now actually St Trumpions. Guthrie was unavailable for comment due the dizziness of spinning in his grave and being dead n'all that.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-81413412597385864162016-05-10T10:01:00.000+01:002016-05-10T10:01:18.784+01:00Bright Yellow Thing Gone As British Return To Meaningless LivesThe wonder of the bright yellow thing in the sky has vanished now until 2017 and people all over Britain are expected to go about their boring, meaningless lives again.

With this years summer over, pubs are expected to be full of beer and devoid of customers now until the two days of summer in 2017.

Carlsberg don't do weather, but if they did, it'd be as shit as their beer.

Tooting pubs are once again full of the crafty beer which had been so popular when the sun was shining as people were prepared to pay more in their sun-filled happy state of minds! With the bright yellow thing now replaced with grey clouds and endless rain the little people of this small, dingy island will go back to drinking generic lagers brewed by faceless corporate whores and being generally angry the whole fucking time.

Yet even as half-witted beer blagger, Rancidbarfly wept into his pint of coffee and lamented the death of summer he managed to find a small crumb of comfort in the situation, because he's always been a-glass-full kinda guy "at least the crafty beer will be back on tap now and the smelly masses will be too angry about the prices to buy it any more!".

Bless.Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-69677678992594445712016-05-09T09:21:00.000+01:002016-05-09T09:21:02.452+01:00Bright Yellow Thing Causes Beer ShortageDisaster struck in South West London yesterday as a bright yellow ball in the sky caused thousands of people to leave their homes in search of the fabled crafty beer now available in so many newly refurbished, shabby-chic boozers.

Those venturing out in late afternoon on Sunday evening were left devastated at the total lack of crafty beer left in the pubs in Tooting!

Your craft beer 'event' is sold out!

Half-witted beer blagger, Rancidbarfly, himself one of those who left it too late was forced to ponder why pubs were running so low on crafty beer when there was so much bland tasteless shite still to drink!

Surely Tooting hasn't become this gentrified in the seven months I've been away!? Can someone please tell the brain dead masses that crafty beer is for a select few people and not them! With only the likes of Goose Island, Meantime, Lagunitas and Camden Town left on the taps I was forced to drink a flat pint of Trumans rather than a lovely fizzy can of Beavertown which i was really looking forward to!

Real experts were quick to come to all sorts of conclusions as to why the crafty beer had run out claiming that pubs just aren't used to ordering so much crafty beer or even that the breweries themselves can't cope with the sheer scale of orders when the sun comes out twice a year! Others speculated that with all these new 'celebrity brewers' spending all their time out of their breweries pretending to be cool and going to made-up 'conferences', they simply weren't spending enough time brewing beer!

A brewer who wished to remain nameless angrily replied to questions on the lack of availability of his beer "Listen, we simply don't want the capacity to keep up with the likes of Meantime, Camden Town or their 'partners' because our beer is a fucking event, man and it's going to remain such!Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-30541203274536613392016-04-27T11:27:00.001+01:002016-04-27T12:27:34.650+01:00World Beer Cup An Actual Thing Insist Professional Alcoholics!Hundreds of brewers and beer professionals are insisting to their partners that the World Beer Cup is an actual, real event and not just an excuse to go to the USA and get hammered.

Kylo Ren of Spoon and Beer Brewery in New Zealand has spent literally days trying to convince his wife that he's not on a weeks jolly but will actually be hard at work 'judging' beers because it's very serious business and he's very important like that. He even had to go on telly in NZ to explain just how important he was in the beer world!

Kylo Ren : Brewing very serious business.

Kylo's wife looked at him unbelieving and rolled her eyes saying 'alright then, you can go and play with the other boys'.
'Not playing. Working!' insisted Kylo, turning a shade of crimson knowing that his family had seen right through him!

Professional Offendotron, Meredith Coal will also be judging at the WBC and took to Twatter to explain why. 'The men cannot be seen to be having all the fun and i just won't let them!' Then she went back to ruining Bacon dishes with Asparagus and taking duck face selfies on Instagrot. Her husband wasn't allowed to be available for comment.

Organisers of the WBC have defended the brewers and professional drunks that are attending the competition saying on the WBC website...

Evaluating beer happens on so many levels. You have the professionals who can drink in their sleep; then there are the blaggers who like to pretend they know what they're talking about and finally you have the weaklings who have to lie down and have beer poured over them in order for them to keep drinking all day long.

The results are public so everyone can see which of these industry professionals are lightweights and which are hardcore boozehounds. Last man standing wins.

When professional alcoholics acknowledge other professional alcoholics the public can be sure that the beer they are drinking is made by someone who can handle their drink and not some fly-by-night city boy with a new toy brewery!

No one at the WBC could confirm whether or not influential, king beer blagger, Pedro Brune would be available to judge this year as they are still looking for him under a mountain of beer cans; sightings have been rare recently but there have been rumours that one of his dizzying array of dodgy mid-life shirts was recently spotted in Belgium. The search continues as there ain't no party like a Pedro Brune party.

When asked if half-witted beer blagger, Rancidbarfly would be involved to make up the special needs judges quota, the organisers were quick to answer, Who the fuck is Rancidbarfly and why haven't we heard of him before?

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-5426246018719314682016-04-22T11:32:00.000+01:002016-04-22T11:32:54.526+01:00Celebrity Beer Blaggers Fear for Their LivesWith celebrity deaths mounting up in 2016 there are fears amongst members of the Guild of Beer Blaggers that they might be next!
With the likes of mega celebs, David Bowie and Prince Hashtag or whatever his name was at the point, popping their clogs the more famous and outspoken members of the Guild of Beer Blaggers are hoping that George Reapy Reaper Martin doesn't realise that they have become minor beer celebrities for fear he might write them out of history!

King beer blagger, Pete Brown has even resorted to writing about cider and crowdfunding his books in an attempt to be less influential and famous, he has almost entirely stopped ranting on about crafty beer or the price of it on his beer blag too claiming that he's been 'just too busy but not really writing'. George Reapy Reaper Martin smugly chuckled to himself as he sharpened his scythe in the corner of the room.

Father of Beer Blagging, Michael Jackson.

Feminist beer blagger, Melissa Cole was seen launching the latest of her beery aberrations at London's crafty beer dungeon, The Rake has even given it a sexist name in an attempt to stay on the right side of literatures most famous killer; 'Look, the old boys need to have some fun, i'm just not really looking to get into an argument right now' George Reapy Reaper Martin was seen to be holding up the head of Michael Jackson, known to be the father of beer blagging and was quoting as saying 'It's fine love, your turn will come. Just go back to cooking or cleaning, i've been doing this for years!'. The plus side, for Melissa anyway was that her latest beer Collaboration, named Two Lumps of Coal wasn't wildly acclaimed in beer circles because she had decided to do something revolutionary for it and only use Water, Malt, Hops & Yeast in her latest beer.

Recently reaped beer maven, Glenn Payne whilst haunting the corner of The Rake was seen sliding a tenner over the wobbly table to George Reapy Reaper Martin saying, come on Georgie, I've got no fucker to drink with up here! To which the Reaper answered, i'll want more than that, old bean or i'll send you that asshole, Rupert Murdoch.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-44457928742942416842016-04-17T15:57:00.000+01:002016-04-17T15:57:09.726+01:00Hop Shortage Signals Hipster End of DaysCrafty brewers are being blamed for the global hop shortage and hundreds of hipsters, as predicted on this very beer blag, are starting to rub their moisturised hands together at the thought of becoming 'hopsters' instead!

Bertie Beardwax releases his hops into the wild.

One such 'Hopster', Bertie Beardwax said of the new term "Hopster is just such a homogenised term already, we prefer the term 'Artisinal Farmers' that way we can grow what ever the fuck we want and call it hops! Hopster is just so just so confining, it's actually quite derogatory!"

Berties friend, Ivan "inverted commas" Terribleax agreed with his pal saying "Yeah it's like offensive, man, i'm like, growing weeds as well to like, er..sell n'stuff, weeds are the next big thing, man, you can even, like, er...smoke them so we're like er..expanding new markets as well as our minds"

Quite.

Apparently these Hopsters have all applied for allotments all over our fair capital in which to grow their 'hops' and some of them even have massive ideas for expansion too, people such as our friend, Bertie who told us he was going to expand into a railway arch in Camden which used to have a brewery in it before the brewer sold out to mega craft beer factory ABInbev. When asked about hops needing sunlight, Bertie replied "It's ok, my skin doesn't need sunlight so we're going to take that same principal into growing hops and weeds"
BB as he likes to be called also has plans to increase the hop population of the world by also growing actual hops and then releasing them into the wild so they can multiply naturally and babbled on "it's amazing to think i'm single handedly saving the world hop population".

One of ABInbevs lawyers was dispatched to comment by automated message had the following to say..."Whilst we welcome more Artisinal Farmers popping up in railway arches, we have no need for them as we don't actually use hops in any of our beers anyway". Automated Lawyer #381 wasn't programmed to answer any questions so it was shut down until it was needed to bully a small brewer about the name of their beer being nothing like any of ABInbevs.

We're not holding our breath on Bertie Beardwax's plan but he's quietly 'hopful' of success. Yes we see what you did there, Bertie.Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-80763112177952265662016-04-10T08:09:00.000+01:002016-04-10T08:09:31.833+01:00Fond FarewellsAnd so it is, the adventure ends tonight when i board a plane with an hour and five minutes left on my visa.
I'm leaving behind some good friends and i'm taking with me memories which will last me a lifetime.

What i'm also leaving behind is a vibrant, growing beer scene that whilst it is still in it's infancy it's as bold as a child testing it's parents patience for the first time.

It's been truly hard work!

As with other beer cities around the globe, Cape Town is so often overshadowed by the uninformed and often only choice of SAB in the guise of Castle Lager and it's various, hideous variants; but there is an almost tangible pulse about the beer scene here now. For the second time in my life i have had the privilege of being in a city just as it's beer scene starts to explode.
Cape Town now boasts some truly world class breweries in the forms of Aegir Project, Cape Brewing Co, Devils Peak Brew Co, Jack Black, Woodstock and Riot Beer.
Of course with world class breweries you need great outlets to sell the beer to and you don't get much better than Beerhouse on Long Street, overseen by Murray Slater(formerly of Clapham Junction's, Powderkeg Diplomacy) and his band of merry beer navigators. With it's regularly changing guest taps and knowledgable staff it's at the forefront of educating people in Cape Town about the beers they drink.
Cape Town is all about eating and drinking and so it's great to see so many restaurants getting on board this early in the beer explosion with their beer offers too; even if it's only one or two beers, the intent is very much there.
With any good crafty beer explosion nowadays you have to have a proliferation of crafty canned beer and Cape Town is no different with the likes of Cape Brewing Co and Devils Peak starting to produce in cans too; when the other brewers realise it's far better than bottling when done well it'll really take off!
Now for the advice bit, Cape Brewers...
Firstly don't think of yourselves as 'pushing the envelope', set fire to that motherfucker and watch the mainstream brewers burn with jealousy! Only by doing this will your customers tastes develop as they should!
Secondly, brew some sours!! Or at the very least Berliner Weiss's, the climate is perfect for them and your customers will learn to love them as much as this sour-starved blagger!

Now on a more personal note there are a few people here that i'd like to mention as they have helped keep me sane and shown me some of the better brews here!
Matt Hurst, a nicer bloke you could not hope to find anywhere and frankly he's a fucking great home brewer! His Black IPA won a home brewing competition and was brewed at Devils Peak, it's amazing and you have to try it! You can follow him on Twitter as @BeerclubSA.
Murray Slater, already mentioned but always a legend, i didn't really know him when he was running PKD but i'm glad i found the time to here! He's on the twitter too as @Murray_Slater.
Rory, Carey and of course Aegir the dog at Aegir Project, they're brewing fantastic beers and have plans for the future which should really shake up the beer scene here! @Aegir_Project
Mark Mohr now at Woodstock Brewery, a man who whilst knowledgeable is still looking to learn about the business and totes nice chap to boot! On twitter as @MarkWMohr.
Mark and David at Riot Beer, i wish i'd been able to get to know you better but your beers are fantastic and i look forward to seeing how they travel!
Wayne, stay lekker you hairy bugger, everyone else can follow him as @Wayne_cpt on that twitter!
At the signal bar in the Cape Grace hotel, somewhere we found ourselves a lot there is one man who must be mentioned. Some say he can make a Gin & Tonic by simply making the spirit fingers, others say he is merely an urban legend created when Lord Lucan disappeared, all i know is he's called The Stig! ....no wait that's wrong. It's Mangena, he is softly spoken, always calm, always polite and he optimises everything that a bartender should be. There just aren't enough of his kind behind bars anymore!
If i missed anyone out i apologise but i'm going to stop now before this turns into a cheesy oscar-like speech. Stay Lekker, Cape Town.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com Town, South Africa-33.9248685 18.424055299999964-34.7681915 17.133161799999964 -33.081545500000004 19.714948799999963tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-73757006440140405262016-04-06T12:46:00.000+01:002016-04-06T12:46:56.419+01:00Beer Blagger to Return Home For Cape Town's SanitySub par beer blagger Rancidbarfly is to return home to the UK for the sake of the sanity of all in Cape Town.

Beer blagger and all round blithering caffeine addict.

The caffeine mainlining halfwit has become far too dependant on the likes of Origin coffee and Aegir Project Pale Uil; Aegir the dog breathed an enormous sigh of relief and was quoted as saying I was starting to think that fool was going to drink us out of Pale Uil, how are we supposed to turn Cape Town crafty when he's drinking all of it! And his appetite for talking absolute nonsense to the locals has become stuff of legend! Everyone else exclaimed fuck me a talking dog!

The staff at Origin coffee shop on Hudson St were equally relieved to see the back of the idiot Womble too, their shoulders visibly relaxed as they discussed their guests caffeine guzzling habits. Thank the lord he's going, i mean, we're going to miss the hundreds of Rand a week he spent here but no human being should be able to hover home two inches off the ground because of caffeine abuse, it's just not natural! Another one of the staff continued and those eyes, crazed like he was on crack or something we've never seen anything like it!

The British Guild of Beer Blaggers was said to be shocked that one of their own was being sent home in such disgrace, Chief Beer Blagger, Timmy Hopstar shook his head sadly as he was quoted as saying Rancidbarfly has always been a bit of an idiot but this is just embarrassing, as a result of this debacle we're thinking about barring all computer blaggers from the guild!

Rancidbarfly was said to be inconsolable at having to return home to grey skies and the crafty beer politics of London and was not looking forward to having to recuperate in sub standard coffee houses or mainstream bars although he was quoted as saying, if you find me in a Costa Coffee or a Brewdog bar just put me out of everyone's misery!

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com Town, South Africa-33.9248685 18.424055299999964-34.7681915 17.133161799999964 -33.081545500000004 19.714948799999963tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-846774760849990642016-04-05T12:13:00.002+01:002016-04-05T12:13:34.562+01:00Zombie Apocalypse On HoldLast night's dramatic zombie apocalypse had to be put on hold as beer lovers everywhere continued to whinge debate about which direction CAMRA should go in.

CAMRA members arriving for AGM

All the normal people in the world waited with baited breath to find out which of their beloved The Walking Dead(TWD) characters would be battered to death by Lucille (Negan's bat, not this blog author's wife); instead what they had to put up with was a cliffhanger which left many fans angry and unfulfilled much like their CAMRA counterparts.

As they logged back onto the internet to vent their spleens at the show's producers the angry TWD fans saw nothing but some whingeing Brits still carping on about saving pubs or fake crafty beer being better than real ale or some such other nonsense.

What is this? TWD fans protested!? We just watched you people on the telly getting battered, shot and hacked to death! CAMRA members just looked at each other and nodded smugly before responding We will always be here to moan about fake crafty beer and real ale; There are no other circles to go in but here's a questionnaire to fill in about where YOU think we should go in the next episode of CAMRA.

If you haven't been commenting on either 'exciting' storyline, ask yourself what you have been doing that's so very important that you couldn't spare the time to wade in with your own opinions?

As a protest, this blog author will not engage in any CAMRA directional debates or snarking until the new season of TWD starts and we find out that CAMRA have defined crafty beer and taken it as their own expression of true beer nirvana.*

*This might be a big fat lie.Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com Town, South Africa-33.9248685 18.424055299999964-34.7681915 17.133161799999964 -33.081545500000004 19.714948799999963tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-55078792824573596792016-04-02T10:33:00.001+01:002016-04-08T17:04:03.086+01:00Craft Beer to be Renamed New Tooth FairyThe Campaign Fo' Real Ale (CAMRA) was yesterday caught up in the middle of a journalistic shit-storm which had even bungling whinger, Charlie Stayt at a total loss for words.
Having been invited to explain a possible new direction for CAMRA, founding member Mikey 'Hitman' Hardcase managed to debunk the whole crafty beer myth that has been circulating for the last 30 years.

The Campaign Fo' Real Ale

When asked about crafty beer, Hardcase merely stated 'listen Stayt, you slaaag, crafty beer don't fucking exist, right! And any fucker that sez it does is gonna get a kicking!
The BBC's phone lines were instantly silent as absolutely nobody gave any fucks about what this old codger was actually saying although a couple of hipsters fainted and had to be revived by someone wafting bath salts under their noses with their Tiller hats.
Stayt's co-presenter, Naga Chilli* somewhat perplexed by the outburst asked Hardcase 'so what is crafty beer then?' this seemed to only enrage the old man further and he went ranting on about keg beer, good honest beer and luscious beer all in the same sentence. CAMRA officials all over the country tried to silence Hardcase by turning their TV's to mute but the old man just kept talking.
Charlie Stayt saved their blushes by ending the interview with a well timed snort of derision and the world got on with it's business as if nothing had happened.

The two hipsters that fainted were reported to be recovering with Jasmin tea's in a local book/coffee emporium.

*authors note : too fucking easy.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-66580095227733642012016-04-01T07:07:00.000+01:002016-04-01T08:01:04.806+01:00Brewdog Buy Homebrewers ClubCrafty brewers, Brewdog have signalled their intent for global crafty beer domination by buying a local home brewing club, If It Aint Cloudy Don't Drink It(IIACDDI) for a reported £5 and a packet of frazzles.

Martin Dickie, Brewdog....oops.

The IIACDDI were surprised to hear from Admiral Watt as they admitted to their club being a hobby because they were just 'not very good' and they would have thought that Brewdog would have been more interested in professional home brewers Kernel or Partizan both now famous on the Bermondsey beer crawl.
Admiral Watt has defended his company's actions and was quoted as saying 'we're so fucking craft right now' whilst flicking out gang signs and trying to perfect Blue Steel on Brewdog TV which was later found to be just his bathroom mirror. When asked to expand on the actual story of buying a home brewers club he merely boarded a dinghy and raced out into the North Sea shouting orders at the wind.
When asked if the buyout would affect the styles and traditions of the home brewing club an IIACDDI representative, Mikey McRoughStuff replied 'not at all, this partnership is in the best interests of crafty beer all over the world and we're delighted to be working alongside Brewdog'.

The other owner of Brewdog who wishes to remain anonymous replied to this saying 'The IIACDDI are basically us 10 years ago just without the fucking talent, someone has to teach these cunts to brew!' and he was last seen stripping naked and running off into the hills where he is reported to live in a hollowed out tree stump and using twigs as rollers for his beard.

Associated press were left gathered around drinking samples of what they hoped were brews from the IIACDDI but nervously tipped them away realising it was actually International Arms Race and left shortly afterwards.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-54435151813670287402016-03-29T07:31:00.000+01:002016-03-29T07:31:12.739+01:00ECB To Punish England Cricket Fans With FostersThe England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) has decided to punish English cricket fans by making them drink Australian Fosters at all England home games for the next two years despite the deep rooted rivalry between the two cricketing nations.

A joint advertising campaign between the ECB and Fosters will see the beer being poured exclusively at all England home games.
A representative of the ECB who refused to be named was quoted as saying "The ECB has decided that the fans are getting far too badly behaved nowadays, so we have decided to punish them with Fosters; it's far less flavoursome than that craft nastiness from Marstons!"

drinking Fosters will make you wear white lippy!

Forde Prefect, Master of Disaster at Fosters owners, Heineken said "we're thrilled to be teaming up with English Cricket, the England team seem to be playing very well at the moment so hopefully making their fans drink our tasteless fizzy shite will shut them up a bit"
He added "England needs to learn that drinking crafty beer makes you a drunken hipster and so drinking fizzy 'Australian' shite will see the English go back to their tasteless, imperial roots"

Heinekens rival Budweiser snarked from the sidelines "we don't understand this British game, cricket; go baseball!" before marching off into the sunset chanting USA USA USA!

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-39929568669673404272016-03-28T11:32:00.000+01:002016-03-30T12:31:42.218+01:00Utter-Bastard Charged With 5bn of Suspected Fraud.Evil brewery owning drug overlord Julio Utter-Bastard, has finally been caught by super hero, Taxman and charge with a suspected £5bn worth of fraud, The Evening Standard reports.
As a result, his brewery, Poppy Fields has been put up for sale in a desperate bid to save the jobs of the poor bastards that work for him.

Mr Utter-Bastard would only make the following statement "Deep down i always knew that my nemesis, Taxman, would get me in the end but i just couldn't help myself, i'm just rotten to the core".
When he was in primary school, Mr Utter-Bastard once attended 'dress as your hero day' as Darth Vader because the plastic mask was on discount at the party store and it was more interesting than going dressed as Charles Manson. Also Mr Utter-Bastard wasn't old enough to grow facial hair at the time.

Manson was quoted as saying "knowing that Mr Utter-Bastard is doing such a great job gives me hope for the future, i'm super-proud!"

Proud role model. Charles Manson.

Estate Agent, David Lying Cougher's advert states the following...

Poppy Fields brewery is a developing business with a strong turnover and 'unique' business model in the craft beer industry. No other brewery is daring enough to include class-a drugs in their recipes which keep the hipsters hooked on this shit.

There is a professional management team in place and the business is ideally placed in Hackney to cater to all those gullible hipster saps who still think it's cool to call beer 'crafty'.

Poppy Fields Brewery is a member of the London Brewers Dalliance(LBD), who would make no comment on one of their own being charged with fraud and went back to planning their next big event in twenty years time. Mr Utter-Bastard famously fucked up the yearly LBD event a few years back and the pubs in the local Hackney area made a killing as a result.

The poisoned chalice remains up for sale and the case continues...

Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-4324061587384732762016-03-24T07:12:00.001+00:002016-03-24T09:01:17.576+00:00Conor McGregor Budweiser Ad Banned For Featuring Absolutely No BeerSuper-corporate, bland piss producing mega-brewery Budweiser have submitted their latest advert for review to the Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland(ASAI), only to have it turned down for featuring absolutely no fucking beer.

Instead it features Ultimate Foighting Hero, Conor McGregor walking through the streets of first Dublin then then somewhere in homogenised America mumbling something about following your dreams.

The ASAI stated that it simply could not condone such a blatantly anti-beer advert and that the advert would not encourage children to go and drink beer but instead go and start fighting each other like in some insanely violent Brad Pitt movie; not only that, they might start wearing ridiculous trilby hats like Pitt did in that movie that time! It added "simply putting the Budweiser logo at the end just makes it look like a really shoite tourist ad"

Conor McGregor, too sexy for this hat

Budweiser's army of lawyers responded with the following statement "Conor is an aspirational figure for people that wish to follow their dreams and ambitions" before uncomfortably shifting their briefcases onto their laps and continuing "based on independent statistical research, Conor McGregor has overwhelming adult appeal".

Budweiser's rival, Heineken, snarked from the sidelines "We should not and would not, use anyone in our ads who would so blatantly appeal to our homoerotic desires as we're just not that comfortable with our sexuality" everyone else sniggered at the word erotic and went for a pint of Guinness.

you can view the illegal advert here

or here!

Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-14908374542543506852016-03-23T17:09:00.001+00:002016-03-23T17:09:02.978+00:00Old Lady Turns 90, Nation to Get Hammered.People all over England and Wales are celebrating today as 'call me Dave' Cameron announced that pub opening hours would be extended on 10th & 11th June to help celebrate the Queens 90th birthday.

Pubs will be allowed to open for a whole two hours extra or until 1am! As the nation looked at him bewildered as to why they were being able to stay open for a whole two hours extra, Cameron, or Ham-face as he likes to be known, added a stipulation that only people from the Commonwealth would be allowed to take advantage of this due to the rest of the world being dangerous, uneducated peasants; and that no-one wants to see them in their local, newly gentrified 'spoons.

Happily, the two days of unimpeded binge drinking, late licensing coincide with England and Wales first games at the European Football Championships.

Welsh(and English) drinker, Glyn Roberts said that he was probably going to get 'banjaxed' in the pub those nights anyway and it will be a sweet relief to stave off the nagging wife for an extra couple of hours! He added "I've always liked that old bird, the Queen, is it? she brings lots of extra tax money to the UK people without which she wouldn't be able to afford the crowns and gowns that keep the yanks spending money here!" and he was last seen staggering off into the night with a bottle of Buckfast under his arm.

STREET PARTY

Gammon face also announced a whole bunch of street parties over that weekend too as he was certain the whole nation would want to thank him for his malevolence, benevolence over the past few years and the Queen would indeed be warmed-up and wheeled out of Buck House just for these occasions so that her humble subjects could take selfies with her.

Lots of late opening licenses have been granted in the last few years because the older the Queen gets the more things she has to celebrate, like waking up in the morning. She was heard mumbling something about having to wake up next to Phillip every day as she shuffled away in her nightie and slippers for an 11am nap.

Ham-face also added that The Scottish and Northern Irish didn't get licensing extensions because they're all bingeing pikeys anyway and what was the point in making their drinking habits legal for just two nights of the year.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-59723896088860280552016-03-22T06:46:00.000+00:002016-03-22T19:55:52.965+00:00Beery McBeerInMaFaceIn the light of the utter success of letting the idiots on the internet name a $287m polar research vessel, Boaty McBoatface, faux-anarchic crafty brewery, Brewdog have decided that instead of suing the internet for stealing their ideas, they would let the trolls that follow them on said internet name not just the next beer but all their subsequent beers; one of the skinny jean, ironic Ramones t-shirt, Flip-flop & Trilby wearing precious little bastards came up with Beery McBeerInMaFace and managed to crash twitter again ruining the day for the rest of us.

Admiral James Watt, as you now have to call him, decided this at a super-secret shareholders meeting because it was easier than having to decide which way round his new admirals tricorn was supposed to go.
It was the only thing on the super-secret meetings agenda and The Admiral went back to strolling around the brewery with one arm in his plaid shirt, barking orders at the poor buggers that work for him.

The first Beery McBeerInMaFace will not be available in their native Scotland because despite having 8 bars and a brewery tap, no fucker drinks Brewdog beers up there. The Admiral is also hoping that having Mc in the name might inspire some Scottish pride about having such a cool brewery north of the border but wasn't reported to be holding his breath.

In another utterly craft move the brewery said it wasn't even going to brew a new beer for Beery McBeerInMaFace but it was instead, just going to rename the preposterously awful, International Arms Race as it still had loads of mouldy Keykegs just lying around the brewery. The interwebs applauded such blue sky and environmentally-conscious thinking and went back to picking the fluff out of it's belly button.

Brewdog's other Admiral had no further comment to add other than...

When asked by this reporter which way round he'd decided to put his Admirals Tricorn, Admiral Watt replied that it was more 'punk' to just wear it at a jaunty angle.

Authors note : You can buy your very own Admirals Tricorn from any good party store!Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-60072739178327427632016-03-17T11:16:00.002+00:002016-03-17T11:16:49.289+00:00UK Beer Blagging Hits New LowReports out of the UK today suggest that the UK beer blagging scene is at an all time low with Old Blaggers clearly running out of steam. This is despite the amount of beer to be blagged in the UK having risen a million fold in the last five minutes.

According to this blaggers sources, all the old blaggers are now far too busy using super-instantly gratifying social media such as Twitter or writing books such as The True History of London Murky or The Definition of Devious Beer, to bother with good old fashioned blagging. Indeed the circle of jerks seems to have been well and truly broken.

Beer, worth a blag!

Historical beer blagger, Marty Cornbeef moaned in his latest 15,000 word post that his blagging site was now just a forum for arguing about which colour of London murky came first and that he'd much rather write another book about it than have to answer any more of the argumentative keyboard warriors in his comments section! Of course the Guild of Beer Blaggers gave him another award for the post and told him to keep up the good work!

Even young beer blaggers, Marky & Sparky agreed that they were now part of the establishment but that everything was still just about awesome and but that they couldn't comment any further for want of upsetting the people that now paid their wages. They went back to running about on the Bermondsey mile and eventually had to be called back for tea by their parents.

The Guild of Beer Blaggers gave them doggy treats and rubbed their bellies as a reward for playing nice with other blaggers.

Girlfriend and Boyfriend blaggers, Barf & Baldy rounded off our interviews with the good news that with so many new breweries to blag from there were bound to be new blaggers popping up everywhere; indeed they mentioned a couple of pop-up blaggers based somewhere in East London who were so super-secretive about their identities and had to wear sunglasses and baseball caps whilst blagging!

The Guild of Beer Blaggers told them that they'd look into these new blaggers as potential new members of the guild and awarded them the Golden Beer Blagging tankard and a 10% discount on their membership subs for services to the industry.

Glyn Robertshttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-31873425854162789852016-03-15T17:42:00.001+00:002016-03-15T17:47:13.765+00:00Battle of the HopsHow'sit, Capetonians?! - I'm picking up the lingo finally!

Not simply content to brew amazing beers all year round, this Thursday a battle royale will begin between two of Cape Town's best independent breweries, Aegir Project and Devils Peak!

Sponsored by my pals at Simply Hops who were also on hand to watch over the brews, the two breweries are facing off at Beerhouse and Banana Jam with an IPA each made with different hops.

All you guys have to do is get down to the bars before the taps run dry! They'll be marked A or B and you'll be given a voting form with which to mark down your favourite; once you've completed it hand it back to your server and wait with your beerily baited breath for the winner!

The taps will be relabelled when the winner is chosen and you'll be able to order as much as you want from either tap knowing where it's come from. Please enjoy responsibly and all that Jazz.

Apparently if you leave your details on the voting form you'll be in with a chance of winning a mixed case of beer from the breweries involved too so make sure you fill that bit in!

This one really excites me as these are my two favourite Cape Town breweries and although i couldn't make the Devils Peak brew day due to looking and feeling like an extra from the walking dead, i did manage to drag my flabby arse to Aegir Project and hang out there whilst the important people brewed! Thanks to Rory and Phil for the invite!

This is one of a few exciting Cape Town beer events this week so keep your eyes peeled for Battle of the Taps also at Beerhouse (Friday) and the South Yeasters event at SAB Newlands on Sunday! I have to say it's really lekker (see what i did there - lingo) to be able to be around another beer scene as it explodes, London was fun in the late naughties and Cape Town is going to be a riot in the terrible teens!

As an aside, it's also Paddy's day on Thursday and apparently the excitable Hop Heads at Beerhouse will be handing out prizes for people dressed in green! Don't feel like you have to though, my sarcasm level will be Jedi.

Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-17076508067491538102016-01-05T09:45:00.002+00:002016-01-05T09:45:33.459+00:002016 PredictionsI've seen a few predictions being rolled out about what people think will occur in the beer industry this year so here is one of my own...

The so-called coming hop shortage will be countered by global warming causing better conditions for growing hops in the UK and Ireland.
Hipsters will therefore turn their attention to buying farmland and cultivating hops (badly, because let's face it they're just city hippies) instead of starting up breweries and will all become millionaires for selling weeds, making the rest of us cry into our sours.

You heard it here first, people. As you were.

Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-275460775475418986.post-36606341674067686312015-12-16T16:02:00.001+00:002015-12-16T16:03:01.788+00:00On the RoadI was speaking to a brewer on the Faecesbook yesterday because i'd noticed that he was checking in to every single pub/bar etc... as he was delivering to them and i just wanted to congratulate him on letting his audience know where his beers were going.

Simple idea isn't it.

so what? you ask, tonnes of them must do it....Do they though? If they are i'm not seeing them online doing this sort of basic task.

After all, small brewers don't have the marketing budgets of the larger ones and should really be using every single tool that they can, especially if it's social media and....free!

The brewer in question, and yes he's the brewer, drayman, dogsbody etc....was also telling his audience what he was delivering, gone from simple to simply genius in one small tap of a smartphone, right there.

So not only is he drumming up interest and possible trade for himself, he's letting his customers know which of his beers are where so they can drink them therefore drumming up trade for the pub or bar too.

Fucking crazy notion! Customers, y'know....drinking beer!

There are several forms of of social media that support check-ins; Foursquare, Facebook, Yelp to name a few which let you check-in in real time, as you arrive, whilst you are there etc...So why don't you encourage your local brewer to use them!

The brewer I'm talking about is Sean Ayling of Pig and Porter brewery, a very good brewer who's

making some very good beers so i suggest if you're out and about in the next week or so you might want to check out the pubs he was delivering to today...

The Three Mariners in Hythe, Kent - Red Spider Rye, Ashburnham Pale and Fatal Flaw.
The Clarendon, Folkestone, Kent - Ashburnham Pale.
Rose & Crown, Stelling Minnis - Ashburnham Pale.
Unicorn Inn, Canterbury, Kent - Cast no Shadow.
the Phoenix, Canterbury, Kent - Red Spider Rye.

So there are just a few of them. if you're in Kent, keep an eye out for them, they're excellent! Follow them on Twitter, click on the links above!

I'm sure a load of brewers will grumble about time etc....what do i know etc... but seriously, i'm not sure where the 'losing' is here for small brewers; i for one would like to know where my favourite beers are going to be on draught when i get back to the uk in a few days!

Glyn Robertshttps://firstname.lastname@example.com

subset: commoncrawl


text:
What Happened To The Rob And Big Show And Friendship [NSFW ,VIDEO]
You ever wonder what happened to the brotherhood of Rob and Big from the tv show.
You ever wonder what happened to the brotherhood of Rob and Big from the tv show.
Today in Tha Wire, peep the highlights from Kobe Bryant's final game and find out what new line Rihanna's launching next year!
Poochie Loc put out visuals for his latest single "Boawww," featuring Kidd Color, and Lake Charles native Kush Kidd.
Cupid is back with another new hit song called Soul Train Line and it takes us down memory lane.
Big Sean & Jhene Aiko fall "Out of Love" in their short film.
Eve dropped by "The Breakfast Club" to discuss why she decided to take on the role again of Terri Jones in "Barbershop 3: The Next Cut," and more.
New No Limit artist Moe Roy has a sound that you may be familiar with.
Today in Tha Wire Drake finally reveals the release date for his new album, plus Faith Evans takes her duet LP with Biggie.
Rapper C-Loc is back with a new banger and finally released the video for She In Here.
Father and Daughter have a beatbox off and show their unity and skills.
Today in Tha Wire it's going down in Nah'leans babe'! The 2016 Jazz Fest in New Orleans is quickly approaching, get tickets, line-up details and more here.
Listen all this week for your chance to win tickets to the New Orleans Jazzfest.


text:
There's no doubt that work addiction is destructive, but there's more to it than pathology.... READ ON
Hawaii is last on the list. ... READ ON
Here's what to know until the FDA rolls out their new nutrition labels. ... READ ON
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The natural foods movement of the 1960s and 1970s ushered in a new way of eating—and one of its pioneers was Michio Kushi.... READ ON
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If you've been relying on a Fitbit to track your heart rate at the gym, you might want to take those readings with a grain of salt.... READ ON
This should look familiar to fans of 'Metal Gear Solid.'... READ ON
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Here's what to look for on the new labels. ... READ ON
Put your pet on a diet—or at the very least, stop feeding it table scraps. ... READ ON
The Prophix toothbrush doesn't just clean your teeth—it records a video inside your mouth as you brush.... READ ON
Atticus Finch's final speech in To Kill a Mockingbird was shot in one take.


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"Justice League": Exploring How Superman Returns (Again)
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We heard last week that an online petition demanding the return to the Irish Dance Floors of The Slow Set has been set up! Here on this morning's programme we ...
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'She's my superhero': Texas toddler, 2, saves mom's life by using cell phone to call grandmother for help
A two-year-old Texas girl is being hailed as a pint-sized hero after she was somehow able to use a phone to call for help and save her mother's life.
Lia Vega was at home with her mother Larissa Taylor in their Houston home when the young mom suddenly collapsed next to her other daughter's bed and was not breathing.
Sensing something was wrong, the girl picked up her mother's cell phone.
Scroll down for video
Hero: Lia Vega is held by her mother Larissa Taylor after the two-year old saved her mom's life by making a phone call - something she had never done before
Although Lia has never used the phone on her own, she was able to reach the last number it had called - her grandmother, Bobbie Gonzalez.
Lia told KHOU 11 that she told her grandmother: 'Mommy fall down to the floor of sissy's bed.'
Ms Gonzalez then rushed to the home and Ms Taylor was taken to a nearby hospital.
Reaching out: Sensing something was wrong, the girl picked up her mother's cell phone and was able to reach her grandmother
Ms Taylor, who is hypoglycemic and a diabetic, had suffered a seizure brought on by a low blood sugar.
'She's my superhero. Because she saved me,' the proud mother told KHOU 11.
Ms Taylor told the station: 'I don't know how my daughter knew to call my mom or anything.
Help: After getting the phone call from Lia, her grandmother Bobbie Gonzalez, left, rushed to the home
'I never taught her how to use the phone and she saved me that day.'
Ms Gonzalez added that her daughter would dial her number and hand the phone to Lia, but the girl has never called herself.
Lia's remarkable call was the difference between life and death for her mom.
Ms Taylor told KHOU: '[Doctors] told me if I would've been by myself for 10 more minutes, I would've died.'
Lucky to be alive: Doctors told Larissa Taylor that she would have been dead if not for her daughter
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New Flores Fossils May Be Hobbit Ancestors
WOLLONGONG, AUSTRALIA—Six teeth and a jawbone fragment thought to belong to ancestors of Homo floresiensis, the hominin often referred to as the "hobbit," have been discovered at a site called Mata Menge on the Indonesian island of Flores. The fossils represent at least one adult and two children of small stature who lived 600,000 years earlier than Homo floresiensis. Gert van den Bergh of the University of Wollongong and colleagues argue that this ancient human relative descended from Homo erectus individuals who arrived on the island and shrank over a period of about 300,000 years, perhaps because they were challenged by few predators and thus did not have a need for a big brain. "But what is clear is that they made stone tools, so they weren't stupid," van den Bergh said in an ABC News report. He recovered the fossils from an ancient riverbed that had been covered and preserved by a volcanic mudflow. His team will continue to look for additional fossils, such as wrist bones and skulls, for more information on possible Homo floresiensis ancestors. To read about another discovery in Indonesia, go to "The First Artists."
Revolutionary War Encampment Identified in Connecticut
REDDING, CONNECTICUT—Archaeologists Beth Morrison and Laurie Weinstein of Western Connecticut State University and their students surveyed a possible Revolutionary War–era encampment in Redding, Connecticut, and concluded that the site was likely home to 1,000 to 1,500 Connecticut soldiers during the winter of 1779. Known as the Middle Encampment, the site was under the command of General Samuel Holden Parsons. Twelve collapsed fireplaces and other piles of rocks are thought to mark the locations of cabins and other outbuildings. A layer of burned animal bone at the site is similar to debris found at nearby Putnam Park, where soldiers from New Hampshire and Canada camped under the command of Major General Israel Putnam over the same winter. The investigators also recovered military buttons, shoe buckles, and musket balls. "We're happy to say that every single [site] we put a hole into came up with a period-specific artifact," Morrison said in a report by The Redding Pilot. The site of a third Revolutionary War encampment in the region has been lost to development. The Middle Encampment has been named a state archaeological preserve. For more on the archaeology of the Revolutionary War, go to "Finding Parker's Revenge."
Tracking Paleocoastal People in California's Channel Islands
EUGENE, OREGON—Western Digs reports that archaeologist Jon Erlandson of the University of Oregon and his team predicted where they would find stone artifacts left behind by early seafaring people on Santa Cruz Island by analyzing the attributes of known Paleocoastal sites in the Channel Islands. They looked for areas with natural shelter, access to rocks and fresh water, and a view of the coastline. "We added overlook sites later as our surveys revealed that they, too, were important," Erlandson said. In fact, two of the new sites were discovered on high bluffs overlooking the ocean. Erlandson thinks the ancient mariners valued the commanding views for spotting seals and sea lions, and maybe even other people. One of the sites has been carbon-dated to about 8,500 years ago with cast-off mussel shells. The types of tools at the other two sites suggest that they may be 11,000 or 12,000 years old. For more on early inhabitants of the Americas, go to "America, in the Beginning."
Possible Shishman-Dynasty Graves Unearthed in Bulgaria
SOFIA, BULGARIA—The graves of several aristocrats have been found under the site of the medieval Church of St. George, located near the town of Botevgrad in northwestern Bulgaria. Archaeology in Bulgaria reports that Filiip Petrunov of the country's National Museum of History discovered a ring with the monogram of the Shishman Dynasty, which ruled from 1331 to 1395, in the grave of one woman that had been built into the foundations of the church. His team also found evidence that the church had been part of a monastery, which at the time was located on an island in a small lake. Byzantine coins from the fifth and sixth centuries suggest that the monastery could date to the early Christian era. For more on archaeology in Bulgaria, go to "Thracian Treasure Chest."
Australia's "Mungo Man" DNA Retested
BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA—Researchers led by David Lambert of Griffith University's Research Centre for Human Evolution used new DNA sequencing methods to analyze the 40,000-year-old remains of Mungo Man, discovered in the Willandra Lakes region in New South Wales in 1974. A 2001 study had suggested that Mungo Man was not an ancestor of Australia's Aboriginal people, but instead represented an extinct human lineage. The new study finds that the sample from the previous test had been contaminated. "We could not, with better technology, repeat what the original study found and therefore the evidence that Aboriginal people were not the first Australians has no foundation," Lambert said in an ABC News report. Lambert and his team were not able to recover any DNA from the Mungo Man sample. They did, however, reanalyze samples from 20 other ancient skeletons discovered in Willandra. The team was able to sequence a complete mitochondrial genome from the bones of one man, but the age of his skeleton is so far unknown. For more on archaeology in Australia, go to "What's the Point?"
Genetic Study Suggests Early Farmers Migrated Into Europe
MAINZ, GERMANY—A new genetic study led by Joachim Burger of Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz has linked Neolithic farmers in Germany, Hungary, and Spain to early farmers in Greece and northwestern Anatolia. Burger said in an Associated Press report that the farmers in Central Europe and Spain were more closely related to the Aegean farmers than to each other, which suggests that the farmers arrived in Europe in two separate waves. "One is the Balkan route and one is the Mediterranean route," Burger said. The study also indicates that the migrating farmers had dark eyes, fair skin, and were not able to digest milk after childhood. A comparison of the ancient DNA with samples collected from modern Europeans found that after hundreds of years, the farmers eventually mixed with European hunter-gatherers and then with a third group of people who traveled from the eastern Steppes some 5,000 years ago. For more, go to "The Neolithic Toolkit."
Bison Fossils Offer Clues to Human Migrations
ALBERTA, CANADA—A new study coordinated by Duane Froese of the University of Alberta has analyzed nearly 200 bison fossils as a way to investigate when people may have been able to travel through an ice-free corridor in the Rocky Mountains. Bison to the north and south of the corridor were separated from each other by the ice some 21,000 years ago and, as a result, became genetically distinct. So, as a first step, the researchers carbon-dated the bison fossils and then analyzed their DNA to show which were from the north and which were from the south. The results suggest that the southern bison began moving north some 13,400 years ago, and that the populations began to overlap some 13,000 years ago, when the corridor was fully cleared of ice. "It's intriguing from the perspective that as much as bison and game animals were separated, so too would have been early human populations," Jack Ives of the University of Alberta said in a CBC News report. "Once that corridor region opened … this would open the door for human populations to reengage." For more, go to "Bison Bone Mystery."
2,000-Year-Old Estate in Israel Yields Coin Cache
MODI'IN, ISRAEL—A cache of silver coins was discovered during salvage excavations at a 2,100-year-old agricultural estate in Israel. The coins had been placed in a crevice against a wall of the estate. Olive presses and wine presses suggest that the family grew olive trees and vineyards. Ritual baths, vessels made of chalk, and bronze coins minted by Hasmonean kings were also found. The Times of Israel reports that the 16 silver coins include one or two tetradrachms or didrachms minted in the city of Tyre from every year between 135 and 126 B.C. "It seems that some thought went into collecting the coins, and it is possible that the person who buried the cache was a coin collector," said coin expert Donald Tzvi Ariel of the Israel Antiquities Authority. Excavation director Abraham Tendler thinks that the estate's Jewish residents may have participated in the rebellion against Rome in A.D. 66, based upon bronze coins found at the site. Hiding places connected by tunnels to cisterns and storage pits were found under the floors of the house. An opening in a ritual bath led to a hiding place that contained artifacts that date to the Bar Kokhba rebellion, which occurred in A.D. 132. To read about another coin cache dating to the time of the Bar Kokhba revolt, go to "2,000-Year-Old Stashed Treasure."
Evidence of Early Campfires Found in Europe
MURCIA, SPAIN—Science News reports that paleontologist Michael Walker of the University of Murcia and his colleagues have found evidence for the earliest controlled use of small fires in Europe at Cueva Negra del Estrecho del Río Quípar. The cave, located in southeastern Spain, has yielded more than 165 stones and stone artifacts and 2,300 heated or charred animal-bone fragments. Microscopic and chemical analysis of these objects indicates that they were heated to between 750 and 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit, temperatures consistent with having been burned in fire. Walker thinks the fires were started by human ancestors some 800,000 years ago, based upon the identification of a reversal in the Earth's magnetic field some 780,000 years ago in sediments above the burned artifacts. Fossils of extinct animals have also been found with the stone tools. Some scientists question the early date and think the tools are at most 600,000 years old. That would still make the fires the earliest known in Europe. For more on archaeology in Spain, go to "The Red Lady of El Mirón."
World War I-Era Training Trenches Found in Ireland
COUNTY DOWN, IRELAND— Archaeologist Heather Montgomery of Queen's University is investigating the remains of military trenches uncovered in Northern Ireland, near the Ballykinler army base. BBC News reports that many of the men who trained in these trenches went on to fight in the Battle of the Somme in 1916 and the Battle of Messines in 1917. "The training they did in there, did it actually help them?" asked Tony Canniford, estate manager for Ballykinler. "Is there any history within the bottom of the trenches? Most soldiers drop stuff when they're training." Plans to restore the trenches and open to the public are in the works. To read about a well-known World War I battlefield, go to "Letter from Turkey: Anzac's Next Chapter."
Bronze Wing May Have Graced Roman Victory Statuette
GLOUCESTER, ENGLAND—A bronze wing measuring 5.5 inches long has been unearthed in southwestern England. At first it had been thought that the wing, discovered in an earthen bank behind what would have been the Roman city wall, was part of an eagle statue. But Martin Henig of Oxford University has concluded that the wing was actually part of a Roman statuette of Victoria, the goddess of victory. "It would be nice to think a retired Roman soldier, spending his retirement years in Gloucester, had a nice statuette to Victory as thanks for making it through the Roman invasion of Britain in one piece," Neil Holbrook of Cotswold Archaeology said in a BBC News report. For more on Roman remains found in England, go to "What's in a Name?"


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Santa Barbara Weather: 65.1°F | Humidity: 84% | Pressure: 29.88in (Rising) | Conditions: Overcast | Wind Direction: SW | Wind Speed: 0.0mph [see map]
A fresh water stream found in downtown SB
updated: Jan 18, 2014, 2:45 PM
By Edhat Subscriber
At Canon Perdido and Chapala st, this stream of fresh water has been running continuously for months. I have notified the mayor and city officials. With the announcement today I would expect this to become a more important issue. The source of the water is TBD!
Video taken last week Wednesday.
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TSCA Reform was signed into law just one week ago on June 22, 2016, but a mere one week later, on June 29, U.S. EPA has published its implementation plan, which sets an aggressive schedule to get into place the basic...more
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On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed into law the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act, the first amendments to the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) since its passage in 1976. The amendments...more
On June 15, 2016, the California Department of Toxic Substances Control (DTSC) announced three new members of the Green Ribbon Science Panel (GRSP). The new members are Jack Linard, Ph.D., Personal Care Regulatory Affairs...more
The nation's primary law for managing chemicals, from manufacture to their use in a wide array of consumer and commercial products, is set for a fundamental transformation now that Congress has passed, and President Obama...more
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Taiwan's Ministry of Labor published a Draft Guidance on Hazard and Exposure Assessment for New Chemical Substances for public comment on May 31, 2016. Hazard assessments are applicable to new chemical substances that are...more
The REACH annexes regarding skin and eye irritation and acute dermal toxicity have been amended and published in the Official Journal of the European Union. They became effective on June 20, 2016, with amendments for skin...more
On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed H.R. 2576, the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act (Lautenberg) during a signing ceremony. Lautenberg represents years of negotiation and is a towering...more
On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed the "Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act" into law, making comprehensive changes to the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA). This step comes after years of...more
President Signs Legislation Modernizing Federal Chemical Regulation Law -
Overhaul of Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) has important business implications for consumer product manufacturers and retailers. ...more
On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed into law the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act (the Act). Passed with significant bipartisan support, the Act is the first major update to a federal...more
On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed into law the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act. Later that day, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced the creation of a web page on the...more
On June 22, 2016, the President signed the "Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act," a landmark law containing major reforms to the Toxic Substances Control Act ("TSCA"). As noted in Balch &...more
On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed into law the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act (the Act) which amends the core provisions of the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA), an environmental law...more
President Obama just signed a bill amending the Toxic Substances Control Act ("TSCA"), changing the way the EPA regulates chemicals. For the last 25 years, the EPA has regarded TSCA's principal control provision as unworkable...more
The reformed Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) is the first major environmental law passed since 1990. President Barack Obama signed the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act (H.R. 2576) into law on...more
President Obama has signed the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act, which amends the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) for the first time since it was enacted in 1976. The compromise...more
The outdated Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) has just received the most significant update in decades. On Wednesday, June 22, President Obama signed into law sweeping reforms, which had bi-partisan support in both houses....more
On June 22, 2016, President Obama signed into law the Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act, H.R. 2576.
This historic legislation overhauls the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) for the first...more
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Every school and family nurse practitioner program listed on this site is accredited, and these colleges and universities offer flexible online and on-campus degree plans in order to help nurses continue their education and further their career. Read more
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About Our BlogThe blog at Family Nurse Practitioner Programs.com strives to be a resource for nurses and nursing students who are interested in furthering their education and career. Here you'll find educational tips, industry trends, the latest news, salary and career information, and more about the exciting family nurse practitioner field.
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Becoming a family nurse practitioner requires at least a master's degree, and in some areas, states are beginning to require a doctorate in the nursing field. This position might require several years of education, but it can lead to a satisfying career of helping others if you are certified as a family nurse practitioner. In addition, there are a number of grants and scholarships available just for family nurse practitioners. Let's take a look at some of the funds available!
Grants versus Scholarships
Grants and scholarships are both great options for students since you don't have to repay the money after you graduate. Grants are available for students who have financial need and may be offered through the government or various organizations. One of the largest sources of grant money is the federal Pell Grant, which is available to you as your earn your bachelor's degree, but even after that, you can find grants from a number of sources. Scholarships are similar, but instead of being given based on financial need, the qualifying factor is merit. Scholarships are often given out based on whoever writers the best essay around a specific subject, but they're also available to students who have specific skills, talents, or academic achievements. Conducting an internet search for available scholarships is a great way to look for alternative means of funding your education. Requirements vary depending on the scholarship donor, as well as deadlines for applications.
Grants and Scholarships Specifically for Family Nurse Practitioners
Students who want to become family nurse practitioners have several grant and scholarship options. Healthcare is a growing field, with increasing demands for nursing staff and advanced nurses, so there are many organizations offering financial aid for students interested in entering the nursing field. Some of the places where you can find these funds include with the following companies and organizations:
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
- Nurse Practitioner Health Association
- American Academy of Nurse Practitioners
- Academy of Medical-Surgical Nurses Foundation
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- National American Arab Nurses Association
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In addition, your college likely has a number of grants and scholarships available for family nurse practitioner students. Community organizations local to your area may also offer funds for students. Ask your school's financial aid office about any opportunities available to you, as well as looking to companies and organizations within the community.
Nurses have another great education financing option to consider – loan repayment programs. If you work in a high-need area for a certain number of years, you might be eligible for thousands of dollars after you graduate, which you can put toward any student loans you took out to help pay for your education. Some companies even offer tuition assistance programs, where they agree to pay for your advanced degree in exchange for your employment for a set number of years. There are many opportunities for advanced nursing students to find funding for school. It is important to utilize all of your resources.
Other Forms of Financial Aid
If you're unable to find a scholarship or a grant to help pay for your education, there are other forms of aid worth looking into. Many businesses, private and public, offer tuition assistance for students in the medical field. If you're currently employed, it's a good idea to check with your human resources representative to find out if tuition assistance is an option. If not, it's also a good idea to research potential employers who help repay your student loans. In such cases, you'll likely need to sign a contract that requires you to work for the company for a certain number of years.
There are also loan forgiveness programs for nurses. These programs are programs set forth by companies or the government to help student pay off their debt in loans and definitely worth looking into. They are available to alleviate student loan debt for graduates in eligible fields of employment, and the medical field is a popular area for student loan forgiveness programs. To learn more about these programs, visit the U.S. Department of Education for an overview of the provisions.
Online Family Nurse Practitioner Degrees
MSN to DNP: Family Nurse Practitioner
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|Kaplan University › The MSN to DNP program at Kaplan University is designed for family nurses seeking to grow their leadership skills within the healthcare field. Once a candidate has completed the program, he or she will be prepared to pursue positions in administration, faculty, or staff development. Students will be challenged in this program with courses ranging from organizational theory, health care finance, human resources, amongst others that them to meet the demands of healthcare management.
MS in Family Nursing Practice
MS in Adult Health Nursing Practice
Doctor of Nursing Practice
|South University › The MSN of Family Nursing Practice from South University enables you to enhance your knowledge based necessary for family nursing. The program will help you develop clinical teaching skills and allow you to reach your educational goals while still being able to continue your career and meet your family and personal responsibilities.
MSN: Nurse Education
MSN: Nurse Leadership
MSN/MBA: Nurse Leadership
|Grand Canyon University › A MSN in Nurse Education from Grand Canyon University prepares family nurses that want to teach the upcoming nurses to become highly effective educators. The school also offers a MSN in Nurse Leadership. This program teaches the fundamentals of how to work in hospital administration. The MSN/MBA in Leadership prepares family nurses to take their career to the next level and land more advanced positions in the healthcare environment.
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Bos Moving & Service, Inc.
Main Number: 248-360-6644
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Family owned and operated since 1982. Specializing in local moving. Residential & Commercial Movers. One Item or a Truckload. Piano and Organ Moving. In-Office and In-House Moving. WIll load or unload your Rental Truck. Licensed and Insured.
Men on the Move
39101 Webb Drive
Westland, MI 48185
Main Number: 734-729-6683
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Serving Wayne and Oakland Counties!
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Dante's Inferno Cheats for Playstation 3Home / Playstation 3 /
This page contains Cheats for Dante's Inferno organized by sections for Playstation 3. This game has "Action Beat-'Em-Up" as genre, made by Visceral Games, released on Feb 9, 2010. If you can't find a hint or secret in our list, then please check this page periodically for the latest updates.
- Developer: Visceral Games
- Publisher: Electronic Arts
- Genre: Action Beat-'Em-Up
- Release: Feb 9, 2010
- ESRB: Mature
Video Walkthroughs
If you know cheats, secrets, hints, glitches or other level guides for this game that can help others leveling up, then please Submit your Cheats and share your insights and experience with other gamers.
Stuck in this game? Set a specific, clearly defined question and let other gamers answer your question or view answers to previously asked questions. If you think you are an expert then please try to help others with their questions.
How do you get pass the level with the walk through doors...
Posted on: 05-15-2012
In the lust board,what button do you push to make him grab the ledge, the one with no rope, all it does is glow when i get up there and i jump but cannot seem to find the...
Posted on: 03-26-2011
What do you do with statue to get to next level...
Posted on: 01-03-2011
Romance Of The Three Kingdoms 13 - Gameplay Video
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- Jun 15, 2016, Views: 3
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- Jun 15, 2016, Views: 27
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Hotel Guides > California > Long Beach > Hotels near East Pacific Coast Highway
Long Beach Hotels near East Pacific Coast Highway Best Value HotelsMap of Hotels
Welcome to our guide to Long Beach hotels located near East Pacific Coast Highway.
Map of East Pacific Coast Highway Hotels
Best Value Hotels East Pacific Coast Highway
Best value hotels are listed first. These are good hotels that cost less than other good hotels. Based on guest reviews and nightly room rates.
Long Beach Info
Long Beach Hotels and Reviews
Pet-Friendly Long Beach Hotels
Long Beach Group Hotel Rates
Map of East Pacific Coast Highway Hotels
Hotels near
Nearby Attractions
Hotels near Long Beach Memorial Medical Center
1.5 miles NW
Hotels near Long Beach Convention Center
1.9 miles SW
Hotels near Long Beach Terrace Theater
1.9 miles SW
Hotels near Long Beach Arena
3 miles SW
Hotels near Aquarium of the Pacific
3 miles SW
Hotels near Long Beach Airport - LGB
3 miles NE
Hotels near Long Beach Cruise Terminal
3 miles south
Hotels near Long Beach VA Medical Center
4 miles east
Hotels near Walter Pyramid
4 miles east
Hotels near Richard & Karen Carpenter Performing Arts Center
4 miles east
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text:
What other people might put it
Comedian Doug Stanhope is unable to sleep at night over the way his friend Johnny Depp is being pilloried as a wife-abuser by Amber Heard (she says he hit her in the face with a cell phone); so he did the obvious thing any friend would do: he submitted an expletive-laced article about his angst over the situation to The Wrap. (It has 9 shits, 7 fucks, and one asshole, all cloaked in partial dashification by The Wr––'s cautious c–nsors.) But this is Language Log, not Celebrity Embarrassment Log, and my topic here is syntax. Stanhope and his girlfriend Bingo "have watched Amber Heard f––– with him at his weakest — or watched him at his weakest from being f–––ed with," and he now believes it is time to "tell the f–––ng truth" about his friend:
Bingo and I were at Johnny's house for most of that Saturday until just before the alleged assault. We assumed initially that his dour mood was because of his mother's death the day before. But he opened up in the most vulnerable of ways that it was not only his mother, but that Amber was now going to leave him, threatening to lie about him publicly in any and every possible duplicitous way if he didn't agree to her terms. Blackmail is what I would imagine other people might put it, including the manner in which he is now being vilified.
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