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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-142301622014-09-11T23:15:17.522-05:00Martial ViewsMartial arts, philosophy, and the art of livingJohn Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-86193697455768450122014-08-10T00:30:00.000-05:002014-08-15T00:12:49.001-05:00The Isshinryu Front-Kick: Varieties, Chambering and Distance
The front-kick is the most basic kick taught in karate, tae kwon do, or just about any striking style in martial arts. To execute, the knee is pulled up to waist-level (chambered) while the shin hangs down. The leg is then straightened to strike the intended target. Novices are taught to kick the midsection, but other targets include the shin, thigh, groin, or even head. In tournaments, Chuck Norris would fake a front kick to the gut, retract, then snap it to up the head for an easy point. Most practitioners either aren't that quick (or flexible), or prefer other kicks that are less detectable such as roundhouse, hook, crescent, and spin-around-back.

Sensei Victor Smith has a nice article on the front-kicking techniques of Tatsuo Shimabuku (the founder of Isshinryu karate). Some old video clips of the master (c. 1960) are posted featuring the mae geri (front kick) from the Isshinryu kata canon. As Smith-san notes:

If we have been observing his [Shimabuku's] technique,

1. First he raises his thigh parallel to the floor.
2. Once the leg is chambered parallel to the floor, the leg kicks out and returns in a hinging motion, front front kick or rear front kick.

This kicking method means the foot strikes out from the chamber and not slingshoting out as the leg/knee rises.

It gives less time for the opponent to recognize the kick is coming. That also means there is less time to try and catch the leg.

His remark "less time to recognize the kick is coming" raised my eyebrow at first. If I see my opponent has his leg chambered of course he is going to kick me, was my initial thinking. But from a chambered leg (with the shin held at 90-degrees) I have no idea which kick is coming. A chambered leg could be the prelude to one of the following:

Front kick

Roundhouse kick

Hook kick

Side kick

A "slingshot" style kick could be a telegraph if you're really sharp. Don Nagle, who trained under Shimabuku in the late 50s, supposedly could block a kick as it was rising from the floor with his forward foot! Now that's a neat trick. Personally, I'm too reflex challenged to pull this kind of move off. I've never seen anyone even attempt this. Attempts at catching kicks I've seen plenty, usually among beginners. In some dojo I've trained in catching an incoming kick is seen as taboo, even though (or maybe because) MMA players do it all the time. The time-honored way is to slip the kick (ideal) or block it with your arm. (The latter is widely taught in karate. Disclaimer: bad idea.) At any rate, I believe that chambering most kicks is good practice. As a last resort the raising knee could be delivered as a hiza-tsui (knee-strike) if your attacker manages to close the distance.

The last video in the blog shows a very brief clip of the master performing what appears to be an application from the kata Sunsu, his creation and a form particular to Isshinryu karate. It is a front thrust kick (as opposed to the snapping variety) in defense of a double-arm grab. (The image above illustrates present-day exponents demonstrating this.)* In this scenario ma'ai or striking distance is minimal between you and the attacker. In this manner, the thrust "kick" is performed more like a push-off.

Generally, the front thrust kick is a very different animal from the more widely taught front snap kick in traditional karate. A front snap kick utilizes mostly the vastus medialis portion of the quadriceps muscle and requires a quick recoil, striking with the ball of the foot (If you're wearing footwear as most folks do when out and about, the ball-of-the-foot application becomes moot, but I digress.). A front thrust kick is akin to kicking down a door; you're really driving more with your hips and striking with your heel. Thrust kicks have more knockdown power than snap kicks. A staple in Muay Thai kickboxing, the front thrust kick has been favored among the Japanese military for use in combative self-defense.†

The front kick, a basic technique that is relatively easy to execute, has viable self-defense applications and variations that shouldn't be given short shrift in lieu of so-called flashier kicks.

* This particular bunkai of Sunsu is how it was originally taught to me by a high ranking instructor who trained in Okinawa. I believe it's the correct way. Since then I've visited a number of schools through the years seeing other things applied. It seems everyone has their own version of Isshinryu.

† Donn Draeger 1974. Modern Bujutsu and Budo. [p. 75-76] Wheatherhill, Inc.
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-39399329316828493532014-07-28T14:54:00.000-05:002014-07-28T14:56:48.523-05:00The Family Tree of Fighting

(Click on image to expand)

This is interesting.

I've never heard of Muslim Kung-Fu, Glima, Indian Kickboxing, Gatka or Wheelchair Fencing until I stumbled upon this chart.

Glima is a style of Nordic combat devised by the Vikings about 1200 years ago. It is sometimes referred to as Icelandic Jiu-Jitsu. Here are a pair of Glima grapplers:

Gatka is a weapons system practiced by Sikhs that was created in the 15th century in northern India. Modern exponents use sticks in lieu of a live blade to simulate swordfighting. Here are a duo of Gatka fighters:

I had no idea there was such a thing as Wheelchair fencing. Here is a bout featuring duelists in wheelchairs:

I'm still discovering.

(h/t: Shapeless Randomness) John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-30489492232856977412014-07-25T00:37:00.002-05:002014-07-26T14:58:37.827-05:00Looks That Kill: The Alpha-Male Face

A friend sent over the image above that made me think of somebody I used to train with. (The meme is titled Becoming A Black Belt: Expectation vs. Reality.) "Alan" was an intellectual type with an advanced degree and a facial symmetry that made him appear like a milquetoast. He was a decent karateka, a good fighter, but he looked like a pushover. Depending on one's perspective this could be either good or bad. At any rate, Alan was a self-described geek that could kick ass.

Judging a book by its cover is something we all do, but research has revealed that face symmetry in males can reveal how effective they are as fighters. In one study,

The researchers first analysed the facial structure of 241 competitors in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). Why choose this competition? "[T]he 'no‐holds‐ barred' nature of the fights and the process of 'cutting' serially defeated combatants from the championship makes for a somewhat Darwinian environment, well‐suited to the investigation of fighting ability," they explained.

The paper reveals that "the width of a man's face [determines] with accuracy his likely fighting ability." Survival of the fittest apparently correlates with having a relatively wide mug, or in scientific lingo 'facial Width-to-Height Ratio' (fWHR). The paper also suggests that a wider face may have evolved as a structural mechanism to be more resistant to punches.

So I did a little more digging on this facial-width indicator, and another study claims that traits such as racism are prevalent among males with broad faces, adding that "fWHR may be a physical manifestation of dominance motives in males and may be best described as an inclination toward interpersonal social dominance and related behaviors."

Both studies cite the presence of high levels of testosterone in males as the culprit. I've posted about the male hormone previously.

As far as facial configurations go as a predictor for fighting prowess or social (or anti-social) dominance, I'm a tad skeptical. I'm reminded of the old wives tale of "criminals have shifty eyes" from my parent's generation. Perhaps more research needs to be done before fighting ability is potentially conflated with negative stereotypes due to face broadness.
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-49994087357528589682014-07-13T20:38:00.000-05:002014-07-13T21:11:43.281-05:00Blast From The Past

Those guys could use a little more room. (I gotta get me some barbells like that!)

Now go check out this fine article on Okinawa's history of karate and kobudo.

(photo h/t: Isshin - Concentration the Art)John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-4353043845777629962014-04-19T16:41:00.000-05:002014-04-19T16:46:19.403-05:00Self-Defense We'd Like To SeeMaster Ken's quick tutorial on how to counter a two-handed wrist grab.

Wait for it...

John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-75532009261218558482014-04-11T23:50:00.000-05:002014-04-12T00:20:12.561-05:00Too Extreme For The UFC

Years ago I went to an Eskrima workshop that was offered at the karate school that I was attending at the time. Eskrima is a Filipino martial art that employs the use of rattan sticks (among other weapons) of various length, similar to the Japanese jo. Eskrima calls for a pair of sticks to be used in unison (at least as what I had been shown on this day). The strikes, parries, blocks and counters of the style knows no bounds. For sure, any type of weapons training will end things quickly in the real world. For the uninitiated, one hard whack on the knuckles from these things and it's game over.

In the late 80s, students of Dan Inosanto (a master Eskrimador and former disciple of Bruce Lee) developed the Dog Brothers style of full-contact weapons fighting. Practitioners use little or next-to-no protective gear for single and double-stick sparring, but also mock knifework and even chain whipping that combines standup hand-to-hand fighting and ground game similar to MMA complete with tapouts. Matches are often brutal and bloody preceded by the caveat that "there isn't any suing each other...no one spends the night in the hospital" and at the end of the day "we're friends."

The credo of the Dog Brothers system, "The greater the dichotomy, the profounder the transformation. Higher Consciousness through Harder Contact," refers to the centering of awareness despite the intense adrenaline rush and pain experienced during a real fight. It is with the hope that the practitioner's lessons "carries over to the rest of one's life; and should one ever need to use one's skills that it will be done with a calmness that allows for good judgement as well as good skill."

When the UFC began building steam in the mid 90s, they considered using Dog Brothers stickfighting for airtime. But after viewing a demo tape of DB in action, the UFC decided against it as it was deemed too violent, even for the type of viewership they were catering to. A letter dated 1995 to DB's headquaters reads:

[T]he UFC tournament has pushed the boundaries of what is acceptable in TV sports entertainment. The political foes that this event has attracted, because of the tournament, has made us acutely sensitive to what the limits are on North American television. So it is with great reluctance that I must tell you that stickfighting, such as your group has pioneered in the USA, is just too extreme for the UFC format at this time. We have the utmost respect for your group's skills and fighting spirit. Perhaps like the UFC, your type of fighting is just ahead of its time.

In addition to the stick (30") a DB stylist should be able to handle himself proficiently with clubs, knives, staff (54"), improvised weapons and empty-handed techniques in all ranges and against multiple assailants. Like Filipino arts, empty-handed skills are learned after weapons training.

The Dog Brothers martial arts are not for everyone says the group's guiding force, Marc 'Crafty Dog' Denny. Players could fortify themselves with heavy protective gear, a la kendo, but that would be counterproductive. "The danger and risk are necessary to the transformitive nature of the experience."

(h/t: reddit/martialarts -- link includes mildly graphic video)
John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-9991948707319596152014-04-08T00:20:00.000-05:002014-04-08T13:41:49.721-05:00Translations of Chinese Martial Arts Manuals

For those into Chinese boxing and weapons systems here's a site written by Paul Brennan that translates into English an impressive collection of original Chinese works by various authors dated from 1875 to 1963 on Taiji, Shaolin, Xingyiquan, among other arts.

Texts include sections on self-defense, saber training, pushing-hands techniques, fitness, diet and philosophy.

Esoteric topics such as breathwork ("energy" or chi) and intent (xing) are discussed in Li Jianqiu's treatise on The Art of Xingyi Boxing (1920):

If you gather energy into your chest, you will gasp and it will not stay for long. If you gather energy into your lower abdomen, it will stay long and not hinder your breathing. It will accumulate gradually until it is abundant. This kind of energy is vast, and is more readily led by the intent.

Explanations and illustrations appear throughout on form and function as well as the differences between internal and external theory. Many of these works emphasize the unity of mind, body and spirit along with encouraging the would-be aspirant to cultivate a proper attitude and moral integrity in relation to the martial arts.

[Note to readers: Chinese martial arts are not my forte; for those schooled in this area I'll leave it to you to decide the value of these texts in today's world.]
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-67961953111670239592014-04-01T09:11:00.000-05:002014-04-01T09:20:26.539-05:00Leaving My Style
I have decided to embark on a new path. It is with a heavy heart that I will no longer be associated in any way with Isshinryu karate. You read that right. This is no joke, I assure you. In the coming weeks I'll be traveling to Italy to begin my tutelage under the world renowned grandmaster Gilberto Pauciullo. I'm sure you've all heard of him -- who hasn't? Professor Pauciullo holds the distinction of earning more black belts and honorary certificates than anyone in martial arts history. He has attained 10th dan black-belt rankings in twenty-two styles; five in jiu-jitsu, one in mexed [sic] martial arts (MMA from Mexico?), one in plain ol' self-defense, and others that I have to admit I've never even heard of.

Why waste my time with one style when I can have pretty much all of them?

Check out this (abridged) list of the master's achievements:

10th Dan – Katory Yama RyuJu-Jutsu
10th Dan – Okonawa [sic] Go JuRyu
10th Dan – Street Rapid Defense System
10th Dan – WOSD/Kapap System
10th Dan – Self-Defense
10th Dan – Agni Kempo
10th Dan – I.F.Knife Fighting System
10th Dan – Ju-Boxing Full Contact
10th Dan – Shin KakutoJutsu-Hanshi
10th Dan – Gung Chi Pai Gung Fu System
10th Dan – Ju-Hitsu AJJIF
10th Dan – Ju-Jitsu IJJF
10th Dan – Ju-Jitsu ACJJ
10th Dan – Ju-Jitsu UAJJ
10th Dan – Martial Arts Police Method
10th Dan – Makoto Ryu Ju-Jitsu
10th Dan – Bu-JutsuSigung
10th Dan – Mexed Martial Arts
10th Dan – SERCSU [?]
10th Dan – Dim Mak
10th Dan – Nefusen Submission Ju-Jitsu
10th Dan – Vietnamese Combat Martial Arts
9th Dan – Ken Jitsu
9th Dan – Tatsu Seiki Kikou-Do
9th Dan – Kamishin Kai Ju-Jitsu
9th Dan – Chinese Kempo
9th Dan – Kokusai Sin JutsuKempo Kai
8th Dan – Judo
8th Dan – Kimuchino Aikido
7th Dan – A.O.S. Tai Chi System
7th Dan – Ashihara Bu-Do kai
7th Dan – Ting Ho Dao
6th Dan – SeishinryokuGoju Kick Boxing
6th Dan – Kendo
4th Dan – FULUNGJJ [??]
2nd Dan – Sakibo

I never knew the Police Department had their own martial art, complete with a kyu/dan ranking system. (To say nothing of the Japanese rank of dan being used in Chinese and Vietnamese arts.) Pauciullo also claims 11th duan (?) in something called Man Seer Kung Pai Kung Fu, a style he created in his spare time before he became too busy collecting black belts. I heard he was invited to enter the UFC but declined because, obviously, the techniques he uses are just too lethal. I have my work cut out for me. When I come back from overseas I'll be describing my training experiences in future posts. Wish me luck!
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-8655077965871843872014-03-23T21:40:00.000-05:002014-03-23T21:52:51.355-05:00Lower Back Issues
A typical karate class commences with jumbi undo (warm up exercises) to prevent injuries sustained during heavy sparring, drills or other complex movements. Still, being able to crank out a hundred knuckle pushups or run around the deck for ten laps may seem tedious if not downright unnecessary. A warm up routine is designed to prevent injuries, not to gauge stamina or waste class time.

Karateka are used to performing dozens of crunches, leg-outs and leg raises at the beginning of class. There's a good reason for this as having a strong abdominal wall is a prerequisite for core strength and stability. The antagonistic muscle region to the abdomen is the lower back. And a fairly common injury that visits martial-art practitioners - really, just about everybody at some time - seems to be lower back pain.

Weak back muscles will lead to injury, but even the exercises that promote this area can be problematic, especially when care isn't taken. Years ago while performing heavy barbell squats I felt excruciating pain in my lower back that resulted in sciatica. I was able to go to work, but for several weeks I had mild paralysis in my left glute, hamstring and calf. In 1970 Bruce Lee famously blew out his back performing 'good-mornings' -- a lower back exercise that involves holding a barbell on the shoulders behind the neck and lowering the torso parallel to the floor. Lee was reportedly using 125 lbs. for his good-morning routine -- 90 percent of his bodyweight! He was bedridden for six months, took time off to write, but eventually rehabilitated himself and resumed his training and movie career.

I've never even attempted good-mornings. Back in the day I'd perform heavy deadlifts, but after my squatting episode I became leery of hurting myself again. So for the past several years I've been using a hyperextension apparatus for my lower back. What I use is very similar to the one in the image below.

Some pointers:

Lie face down on a hyperextension bench, tucking your ankles securely under the footpads.

Adjust the upper pad if possible so your upper thighs lie flat across the wide pad, leaving enough room for you to bend at the waist without any restriction.

With your body straight, cross your arms in front of you (my preference) or behind your head. This will be your starting position. Tip: You can also hold a weight plate for extra resistance in front of you under your crossed arms.

Start bending forward slowly at the waist as far as you can while keeping your back flat. Inhale as you perform this movement. Keep moving forward until you feel a nice stretch on the hamstrings and you can no longer keep going without a rounding of the back. Tip: Never round the back as you perform this exercise. Also, some people can go farther than others. The key thing is that you go as far as your body allows you to without rounding the back.

Slowly raise your torso back to the initial position as you inhale. Tip: Avoid the temptation to arch your back past a straight line. Also, do not swing the torso at any time in order to protect the back from injury.

Repeat for the recommended amount of repetitions.

I do hyperextensions with some added resistance. I'll hold a weight plate to my chest with my arms crossed. I'll do thirty reps, place the weight down, clasp my hands behind my head and immediately pump out twenty more reps. And that's it. That's my lower back routine. Hyperextensions primarily work the quadratus lumborum muscles in the lower back and the spinal erector muscles that extend the length of the vertebral column. To a lesser extent the trapezius muscles that extend from the base of the neck to the upper back are activated and also the hamstrings. (Hamstrings in particular need to be stretched out after this routine as they will be very tight.) I perform this routine in conjunction with abs; sometimes before ab exercises, sometimes after. My rep range is high to promote endurance, modest strength and plenty of blood flow to an area of the body that is more bone, cartilage and sacral nerves than muscle.

For lower back exercise some martial-art routines employ use of the 'butterfly' or 'superman' where you lie on your stomach then lift your head and limbs a few inches off the mat. They're challenging but they're static. For this reason I prefer and recommend the full-range hyperextension for lower back. In my opinion they're safe and very effective. Core stability that includes developing a strong lower back is imperative to performing any physical activity, whether you play golf, work for a living, or practice martial arts.
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-68641380268308976682014-03-15T13:33:00.000-05:002014-03-15T21:54:35.780-05:00Teenage Samaritan Defends Kid Against Bully
When 16-year-old Roman Rodriguez walked out of his father's Kenpo karate school in Holyoke, MA little did he realize that his training mettle would be sorely tested. Thereupon he witnessed an 11-year-old boy with mental disabilities being harassed by a group of rowdies. The apparent ringleader was a strapping 14-year-old at six foot and 220 pounds. When Roman intervened, the instigator - identified only (and ironically) as "Angel" - attempted to hit him, but was summarily taken down by Roman. "He's a lot bigger than me, so I only knocked him down and restrained him," the 16-year-old, who has earned a purple belt, said. "I wanted to avoid things getting worse."

Unfortunately things did get worse.

The bullying Angel runs home and returns to the scene with his mother to settle the score. Apparently picking on young kids who are mentally challenged is a rite of passage for aspiring punks. Only now our Angel is brandishing a large kitchen knife ! It would seem Angel and his mom have some disabilities of their own, proof that bullying and sociopathic tendencies are not merely learned but highly heritable traits.

Thinking quickly and smartly, Roman ran back into the karate school where his father Ricardo was getting ready to close for the day.

"I witnessed this kid's mother encourage her son to stab mine. She was instigating a fight," Ricardo said. "My first reaction was to protect my son, but also to avoid any kind of tragedy."

Within minutes, officers of the Holyoke Police Department were on the scene. The 14-year-old was charged with assault with a dangerous weapon. His mother, Jomery Rivera, was charged with disorderly conduct.

Reflecting on the high-intensity situation, Ricardo said he is proud of his son. "Just as I taught him, he defended someone who couldn't defend himself."

The "best part" came a day later, Ricardo said, when another of his students who witnessed the incident, 11-year-old Timothy Colón, gave Roman a certificate of recognition to thank him.

"It emphasizes what I already knew; he's a really good kid," he added.

I see a black belt in this fine young man's future. His father is rightly proud.
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-1978899847731734242014-03-13T21:41:00.000-05:002014-03-13T21:41:18.918-05:00Muay Thai Freedom Fighters

At the Khlong Phai prison, Thai prisoners vie for an early release for successful participation in sanctioned Muay Thai kickboxing matches against foreign combatants. This practice for an inmate's freedom is time honored as legend has its beginning in the eighteenth century.

In a story that dates to 1774, Thai fighter Nai Khanomtom found himself in a Burmese prison where he was forced to fight nine Burmese champions in a row for King Mangra. Khanomotom defeated every opponent and the Burmese king was so impressed that he granted his freedom along with two wives - giving birth to a tradition of pardoning outstanding fighters.

Muay Thai - the Art of Eight Limbs (use of fists, elbows, knees, and feet) - is a brutal fighting style that pre-dates Okinawan karate by centuries. Most MMA fighters have incorporated the training regimen and techniques of Muay Thai into their fighting arsenal.

Thailand's Department of Corrections sanctions these bouts, simply called "Prison Fight." Fighters are paired up on the spot, loosely based on height and weight. In addition to a reduced sentence, inmates who win are entitled to cash prizes. The more fights a prisoner wins in the tournament, the more his sentence is reduced. (A prisoner's behavior is carefully assessed prior to release.) Not surprisingly, the Thai prisoners win nine out of ten fights against their foreign opponents.
John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-75540266856218990832013-12-14T23:42:00.000-05:002013-12-15T22:53:11.547-05:00How To Debunk A Scam Artist
Meet Jukka Lampila, the Finnish founder of the EFO system - Empty Force martial arts. EFO's techniques are purported to incapacitate attackers with little or no contact. Lampila wears a hakama - traditional garb worn in the aiki arts as well as some other Japanese budo, for what it's worth.

Earlier this month an EFO workshop was attended by some well behaved skeptics in Spain. Watch below and notice how the attendant skeptics respond to ukemi (attack/defend scenarios) from the "master" versus the brainwashed sheep. The clip has gone viral, which was uploaded just a few days ago.

From the EFO website:

In our training philosophy, an important aspect is not to try to use any physical force or pain to gain control of the attacker. With Efo, there are no specific forms or technics and each trainee applies it the way it best fits oneself.

In Efo there are no "courses" that would start and end somewhere. Instead, the fundamental principles (relaxation, mind and breathing) are exercised during every session. Thus, anyone can join and train any time. And if you can't join each and every session, you won't miss anything irreplaceable.

Spoiler alert: it doesn't work. You're not missing anything.

What would Master Ken say?

(h/t: Skepticool)John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-90331013901677164432013-11-29T00:33:00.001-05:002013-11-29T01:45:38.375-05:00The Knockout Game
In the past couple of weeks the media has been running stories about what appears to be a growing trend in the urban jungle. Young hoods are targeting solitary victims with the intent to render them unconscious courtesy of a well placed sock on the jaw. Here's a typical scenario: A pack of jerks are strutting down the street while an unaccompanied mild mannered citizen minding her own business walks out of a pub or a deli and gets brutally punched in the face just for kicks. There's really nothing new about this phenomenon; a few years back it was called "Happy Slapping" in the UK. In New York in the late 80s something similar was called "wilding."

Supposedly "The Knockout Game" is gaining popularity in big cities in the US. Gun rights advocates claim that if more people were packing heat the perps would think twice about trying to assault someone for sport.

The problem with this is that if the target can't pull his weapon out in time he gets KO'd and some crazy kid gets a free gun.

Reports from law enforcement on the "game" aspect of random violence invoke skepticism. Police say these types of attacks - whatever the motivation - have always been with us.

Somebody once asked me what karate has to offer in the event of an ambush. This person was looking for a block-and-strike technique or some other maneuver, but the truth is there isn't one. It's a surprise attack; if you're lucky enough to see it telegraphed then it's not really an ambush.

So what do you do? Your best weapons are common sense and preventive measures. When you're out and about (especially in the city)...

Cultivate awareness. Keep your head up and pay attention to your surroundings.

Avoid distractions such as texting or talking on your cell phone.

If you must tread unfamiliar or uncomfortable territory such as a parking garage or dark alley bring a friend along or some other escort.

Be careful out there.
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-45012998367169984502013-10-14T00:02:00.000-05:002013-10-14T00:02:58.922-05:00Karate Skills Demolishes Two OpponentsSomebody's having a bad day.

John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-38925305513792172052013-09-01T23:52:00.000-05:002013-09-02T01:37:36.895-05:00The "Right" of Self-Defense

Sam Harris recently posted a fine roundtable discussion examining the legal ramifications of using deadly force in the event of a potentially violent altercation. The talk includes commentary from Harris, trial lawyer Steven Levine, MMA coach Matt Thornton, and Rory Miller, defense tactics and mental health expert. Miller is also the author of Meditations on Violence: A Comparison of Martial Arts Training & Real World Violence.

Q: One sometimes hears horror stories about people who engaged in seemingly necessary acts of self-defense and yet were zealously prosecuted and landed in prison. What is the worst that can happen?

A: The worst that can happen is that you go to prison for the rest of your life, especially if you kill somebody...

The jury convicted her of murder despite the fact that she said that she was scared for her life.

Read the rest here...
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-70852913934442944632013-08-25T23:08:00.001-05:002013-08-26T18:05:00.285-05:00New Female Taekwondo Uniforms: Sexist or Innovative?
The World Taekwondo Federation (WTF) is considering a redesigned dobok to be worn by female competitors.

The model designed by Juanjo Padrós [director of the Andorra TKD Federation], is a Taekwondo uniform that fits to the body using Lycra fabrics. The other model consists of a dress with a skirt and Lycra pants, giving it a more feminine touch to the Dobok. (Bolding mine)

Some reasons offered for the new look:

All scientific evidence suggests that new fabrics are vital to fit the body and allow a better freedom of movement, creating more definition and clean movements. People will enjoy better definition and movement.

The latest advances in medicine and physiotherapy, as tiping or other techniques, can be applied to Doboks.

The new technologies like blood pressure, heart beat, and temperature control chips can be applied in the new Doboks, and thus show to the world the most modern and innovative martial art and sport.

Sometimes, for amateur spectators, it is difficult to differentiate if it is a female or male combat. With these new models, the categories will be easier to differentiate.

The most important reason is to take a better advantage of our female competitors because they are a treasure. It is important to show that practicing Taekwondo gives good health, helps to stay fit and gives a beautiful body shape. This last issue must be exploited and must be used to promote Taekwondo in this specific moment, after the success in the Olympics and a great World Championship, to attract television and mass media interest.

The martial arts uniform should be utilitarian and tastefully simple. More definition? Control chips? I think this redesign is strictly to pump up male viewership. Again, it's still under consideration.

Hopefully this time, tradition will prevail.

(h/t: reddit/karate)
John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-85086770323824412852013-08-18T23:55:00.000-05:002013-09-15T22:00:14.524-05:00This Is A Traditional Dojo
Saturday I visited a karate school in Queens, NY where a longtime friend of mine now trains. As a visiting student from a different style I respectfully took my place in the back row where we all lined up at the beginning of class to bow in. Later I showed them my versions of Seisan and Kusanku kata that are common to our styles and then worked the corresponding bunkai from their system. I didn't go there to spar, but when I asked one of the seniors about sparring practice (kumite) I was taken aback by this exchange:

ME: How often do you guys spar?

STUDENT: This is a traditional dojo. We practice budo (martial ways) not sports.

ME: No kumite -- ever? The pre-set drills are nice, but wouldn't exploring some spontaneity be a good idea to see if what you're doing even works.

STUDENT (raising his voice): Kumite is not self-defense. Our system's self defense techniques are mined from the kata. Can't use them in sparring anyway, too dangerous. We don't do contests or hand out prizes or play games. We're totally traditional. That's our way.

By now I had everyone's attention. (This was a rank class for adults.) I was getting glaring looks from some of the older BBs and I was getting the impression I was wearing out my welcome. I really thought my question about kumite was rather benign. I agree that sparring or even heavy fighting is not "self defense". I admit that there are aspects of karate that are somewhat exclusive to one another. Freestyle fighting and self defense practice are one of those dichotomies.

Sparring has its uses -- and limitations. The same with kata. Kata and knowledge of their self defense applications will not teach one to "expect the unexpected." I believe that if your school doesn't employ some form of sparring you'll never get that feeling of adrenaline surge or butterflies or the uncertainty of working outside of your comfort zone. That's part of the martial way.

John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-23879254940518466062013-08-15T23:40:00.000-05:002013-08-15T23:52:52.471-05:00Aaron Banks: Martial Arts' Ultimate Promoter

This past May, Aaron Banks, the prolific martial arts promoter of tournaments and exhibitions, passed away. It was sometime during the first week of May; the exact date of his passing is unknown as he died of an apparent heart attack alone in his New York apartment at the age of 85. Banks began his training in traditional karate in 1958, enduring numerous sparring matches with no protective gear on blood splattered decks on his journey to black belt. By the sixties he began promoting karate tournaments in Manhattan, first at the Felt Forum and then at the much larger Madison Square Garden, showcasing the talents of Chuck Norris and Joe Lewis, among others.

In the seventies his event, now officially dubbed The Oriental World of Self-Defense began to include interdisciplinary matches pitting practitioners of kung fu against karate, judoka against wrestlers, and boxers versus kickboxers. There were other attractions that could be considered carnivalesque in nature, but not in Banks' view:

"May we have absolute quiet, please," he says, "for this master who is going to take his sword and slice a cucumber resting against his student's throat!" Banks has been accused by his critics of putting on a circus, but he replies, "Anything that demonstrates that kind of control, with or without a weapon, is martial arts. When William Chen lies on the stage and shows the strength of his body by allowing himself to be run over by a motorcycle, that is martial arts. When Joseph Greenstein, a 92-year-old vegetarian known as the Mighty Atom, drives spikes through steel with his bare hands and bursts a chain with the strength of his chest, that is martial arts."

In a 1979 interview Banks claimed that Bruce Lee had taught him the basics to dim mak or the "death touch", even claiming that Lee himself succumbed to the ancient Chinese technique. In reality, Lee scoffed at martial arts hocus pocus and even doubted the existence of chi, the vital energy allegedly required to perform the dreaded dim mak.

Ironically, Banks loathed the advent of the UFC in the nineties, claiming that mixed martial arts were not really about true martial arts but more to do with making money. I wholeheartedly agree that the "art" aspect is lost in MMA. But then so is having a ninja catch a flaming arrow with his teeth in front of 20,000 gasping ticket holders.
John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-24936848531611559802013-07-12T21:39:00.000-05:002013-07-13T13:18:24.596-05:00Learn To Fight Like George Zimmerman!
Kokopelli's Gym, a "fight training center" that offers MMA in Longwood, Florida is trying out a rather controversial marketing ploy on their website guaranteed to make you cringe: Training information on George Zimmerman that he received at their venue. The email form goes on to say that this info will only be provided after the trial involving the highly publicized shooting death of Trayvon Martin is over.

How decent of them. Still, this begs the question: If George Zimmerman was trained in MMA, why did he need a gun against Trayvon Martin? Remember that, acccording to Zimmerman, Martin had attacked him and that he had shot Martin in self-defense using a weapon Zimmerman had on him. Zimmerman was bleeding from the nose and from cuts on the back of his head he received while he was being struck about on the ground.

As it turns out, Zimmerman was not an exemplary disciple of MMA. According to testimony from Kokopelli's Gym owner Adam Pollock, he spent about a year training the defendant, beginning in October of 2010. Pollock described Zimmerman as being "nonathletic" and "just physically soft". On a scale of 1 to 10 he rated Zimmerman's ability between a 1 and 1.5. and that

Zimmerman was "a beginner" and not competent in grappling — a tactic used in mixed-martial arts.

Pollack said that Zimmerman was "very diligent" and "very coachable" but didn't have the strength or skill to be successful in the sport.

Pollack also said that Zimmerman began boxing training but that he never progressed past shadow boxing. "He didn't know how to really effectively punch."

Back to the ad on the Kokopelli's Gym website. Why would anyone want to learn how they can spend a year preparing to get beat up? Indeed, when the prosecution re-called Pollock as a rebuttal witness, he was asked, "Are you now marketing the training you gave to George Zimmerman on your website?"

"Absolutely not" replied Pollock. The defense objected to this line of questioning and the judge told prosecutors they couldn't call a witness during their rebuttal case, just to impeach him.

I wonder if Kokopelli's Gym ever got Zimmerman's permission to use his name in this manner. If so, what sort of deal did they hammer out? Let's see what happens with this publicity stunt of theirs once the trial ends.

John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-39445967196177888262013-07-06T10:44:00.000-05:002013-07-08T01:04:24.278-05:00Creative Ways To Train Kata

I came across an interesting article on different ways to approach kata training at Jesse's karate blog. Here are several that caught my eye; I'll follow the bold text with my somewhat related thoughts:

Do the kata mirrored. This was actually a requirement for most of the forms I knew after black belt. I read somewhere that doing the "opposite side" version of the kata opens one's meridians (invisible energy channels in the body that transport qi.). I never felt my meridians open (whatever that means) but learning the kata mirror style was a major pain.

Do the kata in your head. A no-brainer (pun intended), especially when you're first learning the form. Also, very handy if someone accuses you of daydreaming in the dojo, just say you're visualizing Hamahiga no tonfa.

Do the bunkai. We've all done segments of the form with its self-defense applications. When was the last time you've performed the entire kata synchronized with two or more attackers? Eventually you have uke apply increasing levels of realistic force.

Do the kata 100 times in a row. Uh, no.

Film your kata. I used to do this in preparation for tournaments or testing. You'll be surprised at what you see. Highly recommended.

Do the whole kata with one arm tied behind your back. Several years back we had a young man (mid 20s) at our school who had one arm. He lost it in a terrible accident as a youngster, but that didn't deter him from training. He sparred, did one-arm pushups and versions of kata we helped modify for him.

Do the kata in extreme weather conditions. Rain or snow storms? Check. Tornadoes? Bad idea.

Lastly, just do the whole #@! kata as if your life depended on it. Enough said.

John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-24488750389390017422013-05-25T23:44:00.000-05:002013-05-26T21:07:37.768-05:00Anko Itosu's Ten Lessons of Karate
Anko Itosu (1832-1916), an Okinawan Shuri-te master, was a progenitor to what would eventually develop into one of the major systems of modern karate: Shorin-ryu. Shorin is the Japanese pronunciation for the Chinese Shaolin (small woods). Itosu's most famous students were Choshin Chibana and Gichin Funakoshi, the latter who brought karate to mainland Japan (c.1920) and adopted the colored belt system from the indigenous art of judo. Hitherto there was no 'ranking' system in karate, but it would take some years before the belt system caught on in karate's birthplace of Okinawa. Funakoshi was especially interested in developing karate as a budo form -- a life skill as it were. Actually some of his ideas, such as teaching karate to children and to sedentary adults for exercise and health, were likely taken from Itosu.

In 1901 Itosu introduced a modified version of karate to the Shuri Jinjo Elementary School. He removed some of what he felt were risky techniques and developed new, short practice forms that kids could pick up easily known as pinan kata. Within a few years Itosu secured teaching jobs at colleges and in 1908 wrote a letter to the Education Department on Okinawa which summed up his philosophy on karate, or as it was more commonly referred to at the time as To-te (lit. China-hand) or tode:

Tode did not develop from the way of Buddhism or Confucianism. In the recent past Shorin-ryu and Shorei-ryu [a forerunner to Goju-ryu] were brought over from China. They both have similar strong points, so, before there are too many changes, I should like to write these down.

1. Tode is primarily for the benefit of health. In order to protect one's parents or one's master, it is proper to attack a foe regardless of one's own life. Never attack a lone adversary. If one meets a villain or a ruffian one should not use tode but simply parry and step aside.

2. The purpose of tode is to make the body hard like stones and iron; hands and feet should be used like the points of arrows, hearts should be strong and brave. If children were to practice tode from their elementary-school days, they would be well prepared for military service. When Wellington and Napoleon met they discussed the point that "tomorrow's victory will come from today's playground."

3. Tode cannot be learned quickly. Like a slow moving bull, that eventually walks a thousand miles, if one studies seriously every day, in three or four years one will understand what tode is about. The very shape of one's bones will change.

Those who study as follows will discover the essence of tode:

4. In tode the hands and feet are important so they should be trained thoroughly on the makiwara. In so doing drop your shoulders, open your lungs, take hold of your strength, grip the floor with your feet and sink your intrinsic energy to your lower abdomen. Practice with each arm one or two hundred times.

5. When practicing tode stances make sure your back is straight, drop your shoulders, take your strength and put it in your legs, stand firmly and put the intrinsic energy in your lower abdomen, the top and bottom of which must be held together tightly.

6. The external techniques of tode should be practiced, one by one, many times. Because these techniques are passed on by word of mouth, take the trouble to learn the explanations and decide when and in what context it would be possible to use them. Go in, counter, release; is the rule of torite [lit. releasing hands].

7. You must decide whether tode is for cultivating a healthy body or for enhancing your duty.

8. During practice you should imagine you are on the battle field. When blocking and striking make the eyes glare, drop the shoulders and harden the body. Now block the enemy's punch and strike! Always practice with this spirit so that, when on the real battlefield, you will naturally be prepared.

9. Do not overexert yourself during practice because the intrinsic energy will rise up, your face and eyes will turn red and your body will be harmed. Be careful.

10. In the past many of those who have mastered tode have lived to an old age. This is because tode aids the development of the bones and sinews, it helps the digestive organs and is good for the circulation of the blood. Therefore, from now on, tode should become the foundation of all sports lessons from elementary schools onward. If this is put into practice there will, I think, be many men who can win against ten aggressors.

The reason for stating all this is that it is my opinion that all students at the Okinawa Prefectural Teachers' Training College should practice tode, so that when they graduate from here they can teach the children in the schools exactly as I have taught them. Within ten years tode will spread all over Okinawa and to the Japanese mainland. This will be a great asset to our militaristic society. I hope you will carefully study the words I have written here.

— Anko Itosu. Meiji 41, Year of the Monkey (October 1908).

In spite of some bold claims such as making the body like iron, taking on ten attackers and references to militarism it is said that Itosu never had to use karate in a real confrontation in his eighty-three years. This is either a product of immense luck, especially during his time, or more likely his virtue and character that were forged from his life of training, perfecting, and teaching karate.

SOURCES:
Mark Bishop 1999. Okinawan Karate: Teachers, styles and secret techniques. Tuttle Publishing.
Shoshin Nagamine (trans. by Patrick McCarthy) 2000. Tales of Okinawa's Great Masters. Tuttle Publishing.
John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-58730004225628499272013-04-01T00:07:00.000-05:002013-04-01T01:26:15.030-05:00How To Register Your Hands As Deadly Weapons
Yesterday I received an email from a novice practitioner. I've included my reply.

Mr. Vesia, I've been following your blog and I have a question. Is it true that black belts must have their hands registered as lethal weapons? My instructor says his are, but I thought this was hogwash. I recently got bumped up to camouflage belt and I was just wondering. Does having a black belt mean I have to invoke the right to bear arms? Especially with the possibility of new gun laws and restrictions I want a backup plan, know what I mean? Thanks, Andy

Yes Andy it's true, at least in the US, newly promoted black belts have 90 days to have their hands registered lest you want to have the FBI breaking down your door. This is serious stuff that needs to be taken care of when the time comes. You have a few options to commit to this. One is with the International Lethal Defense Combat Organization that will send you a certificate attesting to your deadliness for $25.

Are there those who doubt your martial arts skills in karate, kung-fu, boxing, grappling, or street fighting, yet you are too well trained to physically display your skills and injure them?
Then join The International Lethal Defense Combat Organization, and receive a free personalized, frameable document which testifies that your hands are registered with the International Lethal Defense Combat Organization.

Here's an ad from a different outfit in case you're on a tight budget:

And there you have it. Congrats on your camo belt promotion, Andy. When you get your black belt in 3 or 4 months at the McDojo you train at write me again. Good luck!
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-51034659389335346692013-03-04T12:18:00.002-05:002013-03-04T22:47:54.613-05:00Karate Characters

The ultimate aim of the art of karate lies not in victory or defeat, but in the perfection of the characters of its participants. - Gichin Funakoshi

I've previously posted about the pitfalls of competing. Some of the antics of participants through the years have been deplorable. In 2008 Cuban competitor Angel Matos kicked a referee in the head after he was disqualified in an Olympic tae kwon do bout. In a separate incident, Isao Nakamura Fushiki actually attacked a contestant in a karate match in which he was the referee.

This past weekend I watched a karate tournament that left me shaking my head in disgust. While the judging was fair and competent from my view, a few of the competitors (kumite, men's BB division) were arguing with referees on certain calls in a manner that I felt was quite disrespectful. [One liability of point-matches is the seemingly arbitrary nature of scoring points or ippon in a stop-and-go fashion, something that doesn't exist in continuous sparring events that allows full contact and KO's, a la Kyokushin or the K-1, but I digress.] Generally I'm in favor of sportive karate, but not when the players engage in disgraceful behavior. What's particularly bad is how this leaves such a negative impression on anyone who has to witness this kind of thing, especially novice and young practitioners.

Fortunately, nothing I saw came remotely close to this. Brace yourself:

<object height="315" width="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nEh1cBeJdJM&start=0&end=75?rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" frameborder="0" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nEh1cBeJdJM&start=0&end=75?rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" frameborder="0" width="420" height="315"></embed></object> John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-73817487772730341242013-02-24T21:30:00.000-05:002014-01-23T00:56:25.205-05:00Self-Defense For The Road Warrior

The following is a story taken from a news report dated 2/15/13:

Jin Byung Kang, 21, is charged with pulling an unregistered gun on another man after an alleged road rage incident.

The victim has not been identified, but reportedly told police he was a martial arts expert, and says he talked Kang into putting the gun away, then this.

"There was a struggle and eventually the victim was able to gain control of the firearm, and at that point the defendant allegedly got into his car and fled the scene," said Watson.

Kang's attorney says everything Kang did was in self defense, saying the victim initiated the fight.

Kang claims he was hurt by the victim and wants to file charges himself.

"This man, this stranger whom he did not know, had used his self admitted martial arts skills to tackle him to the ground causing him several injuries," said Purple.

Nobody was seriously injured, but police say this is not an example of how to respond if you found yourself in a similar pickle.

"Any time that you are involved in a situation and there is a gun, don't do anything stupid, don't try to be a hero," said Lt. Bruce Apotheker of the Newton Police.

Sources indicate the "victim" was MMA trainer Keith Florian. In addition to BJJ, Florian is also schooled in Muay Thai and wrestling.

There is so much wrong with this story I don't know where to begin. Florian and his flock may be crediting his martial arts skills with saving the day. Under slightly different circumstances Mr. Florian would've been summarily blown away. Miraculously nobody was injured.

Road rage is a by-product of the culture of disrespect we currently live in. Some tips that should be a no-brainer:

Give yourself time to get to work or your destination. Don't speed, weave in and out of traffic or honk at motorists.

If you're on the road and someone wants to mix it up with you, ignore them. Avoid eye contact, keep you mouth shut, and whatever you do, do not exit your vehicle.

Avoid talking on hand-held cellphones. Never text and drive.

Use common courtesy. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

In summation, I would like to reference my father's sage advice on how to avoid highway aggression: "Idiots have the right of way."
John Vesiahttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-14230162.post-24898689442325549432013-01-26T23:59:00.000-05:002013-01-26T23:59:55.193-05:00The Way of Walking Alone
Miyamoto Musashi (1584-1645), the infamous ronin who bested sixty men in duels during Japan's Edo period also had a soft side as he created works of ink paintings, calligraphy and poetry. In his prime Musashi was a living terror, but in his later years became more introspective and philosophical. In what was probably his swan song he composed his Dokkodo - The Way of Walking Alone.

Accept everything just the way it is.

Do not seek pleasure for its own sake.

Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.

Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.

Be detached from desire your whole life long.

Do not regret what you have done.

Never be jealous.

Never let yourself be saddened by a separation.

Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor others.

Do not let yourself be guided by the feeling of lust or love.

In all things have no preferences.

Be indifferent to where you live.

Do not pursue the taste of good food.

Do not hold on to possessions you no longer need.

Do not act following customary beliefs.

Do not collect weapons or practice with weapons beyond what is useful.

Do not fear death.

Do not seek to possess either goods or fiefs for your old age.

Respect Buddha and the gods without counting on their help.

You may abandon your own body but you must preserve your honour.

Never stray from the way.

John Vesiahttp://firstname.lastname@example.com


text:
Navigating the complex world of social media can be tricky. There are so many different platforms where you can spend your time: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, YouTube, oh my!
Rest assured that things are not as difficult as they might seem.
Over the years, we've spent time focusing on the different social media platforms out there, covering best use practices and helping bloggers to understand how social media can be used to amplify the content they are writing.
What's In Your Social Media Toolbox?
Once you find a social media platform (or two) that works for you, spend your time cultivating fans/followers and engaging. The trick is not to spread yourself too thin and be successful everywhere, but rather to focus your efforts. When you do, you'll see the results in terms of page views and engagement on your blog.
We are continually chatting it up on Twitter. While it may seem fast-paced in the beginning, give it time. Twitter is a great way to make connections and even find blog post ideas.
- New to Twitter? Then Start With This Post
- Twitter Party Made Easy: A How To Guide
- Top 5 Tips to Make the Most of a Twitter Party
- How to Get Followers on Twitter: A Savvy Girl's Guide
Admit it. Even your grandmother is on Facebook. Although you may not be inclined to set up a fan page right away for your blog, you should understand what makes one successful.
- How to Make a Fanpage that Gets Noticed
- 5 Ways To Be Successful on Facebook
- Three Ways to Promote Your Blog Using Facebook
- Brands Who Are Keeping it Brilliant on Facebook and What We Can Learn from Them
- How to Share a Link on Facebook and Get Clicks Back to Your Blog
Pinterest is a virtual pin board for images, where you categorize things that you love and want to remember by topic.
- How to Use Pinterest to Increase Your Blog Readership
- How To Link Your Blog to Your Pinterest Profile (and Other Ways to Get Traffic)
- How to Put a Pinterest Pin Button on Your Blog
- What Your Should Know About Pinterest Terms of Use and Copyright
StumbleUpon can be a great way to give a boost to your pageviews and get more eyes on your blog posts.
Google Plus
The jury is still out on Google Plus. Will it be the "next big thing?" Maybe! The point is that you should be in the know about how to set up a page and use it when you are ready.
- 5 Reasons Why You Need to Be on Google Plus Yesterday
- How to Set Up a Google Plus Page for Your Blog
- Why Google Plus Events are Redefining Social Media
Instagram is our latest love. We first crossed paths early in 2012 and haven't looked back since. Think of it like Facebook, except far fewer words and way more beautiful pictures.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
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best practices ... training
New estheticians are more sophisticated and educated than ever. "The schools have really stepped up to the plate," says Papageorgio. "Schools are running better business models and turning out better graduates." However, this has put pressure on spas, she continues, because today's new hires have higher expectations for what comes next.
"Today, salons and spas must offer a structured, organized way of training new people," Papageorgio explains. "You can hold weekly classes or assign the new person to a mentor—however you want to do it. Spas that do well with this concept are the ones that flourish. Your number one commodity is your people. Invest in them."
Canavino suggests incorporating a minimum 30- to 90-day entrance program to take new technicians "from license to confidence." It's not enough to bring in a manufacturer's educator to do product knowledge, she adds. "Someone just out of school doesn't know your culture, may not have all the skills and probably doesn't have the confidence."
Training doesn't end with the entrance program, either. Says Canavino, "What doesn't work is training staff and just expecting it to happen—without having a manager to make sure they're carrying out what they learned."
Papageorgio agrees that the managerial staff must conduct ongoing, if perhaps informal, coaching throughout the staff member's career. "Coaching opportunities are everywhere," she says. "Just walk onto your floor and notice ways you can direct your staff's performance. You can have a coaching conversation about any simple thing; you just clarify what you expect from the person. People want to follow direction, and doing this continuously means you won't have to give redirection."
Supervisors tend to let things go the first time or two and only intervene when the staffer has done something wrong over and over. By then, the owner is exasperated. Best practice is to bring up the issue immediately. "You're not allowed to save up," says Papageorgio. "That's when it becomes conflict."
It's also best to be direct; the management person who notices the problem should be the one to mention it. Says Papageorgio, "When the manager informs the employee, 'The owner saw you leaving your towels around,' the staffer becomes defensive, develops a 'bad attitude' and sends the whole thing into a downward spiral."
Spa staff can be a greater challenge to monitor than salon staff. Notes Canavino, "Unlike supervising a hairdresser, you don't have the advantage of seeing spa staff work. They close the door." That's why it's important to include retailing and marketing in your initial training program and follow their client retention numbers closely.


text:
Manhattan Living
Reason to Love this Economy
Downtrodden Real Estate Brokers
We disagree.
Now you
can suck our nuts. Not long ago they were riding high, charging 18-percent
fees, failing to return our phone calls and making us feel like a loser if we
wanted a studio for less than $2500 a month. Now? They're slashing fees,
calling with leads and assuring us that we're better off dealing with them
than with apartment owners directly.
This is—silver lining—a renter's market (by New York standards).
Because everyone with $15,000 in the bank has decided to buy, for the first
time in years landlords with rental properties are not deluged with offers.
Many are offering no-fee, two-year leases. Get them while you can. The bad times
will end some day, the brokers will be back and the deals will be gone.
We disagree.
Romantic Trend
Easy-going "What?" "A toy. "Uh-huh." "We're "I can't "I'll We have Most importantly, The obvious, Those who Personally, Not good. The 22-year-old
couple seeks… "I found us a little something," he said, on one of his nightly
phone calls.
we asked, though we knew the answer.
She's 22, with long black hair. Cute. Bisexual. She's totally into
hanging out with us when we get out of here."
gonna punch a void in her that all the Paxil in the world can't fill."
call tomorrow after morning group. She wants to talk to you."
to wonder: Why is it so difficult to meet a normal chick who wants to fuck us
and our boyfriend? All we want is a cute, intelligently psychotic female who
can execute the elaborate threesome pantomime with ruthless enthusiasm: She
instinctively knows the act is an equal mix of Scores, Duran Duran video, Hustler
lezzie spread and catfight.
the ideal Ms. X would know how to be cordial. There would be no teary phone
calls, no weird tension. If she talked behind our backs, she would say only
nice things. This twitching composite of lust, skewed heterosexuality and boredom
is tucked away somewhere right now, and we want to find her. Unfortunately,
all of the potential takers we have unearthed so far have been fresh out of
detox, or needy, or strung out, or hairy.
of course, is this: Women really don't like threesomes. They love women
only as friends. They're jealous. Too many cooks spoil the pot, they might
add. But these women probably haven't had anything on the stove for a long
do go along with it do so to pacify/appease/completely enslave their man, and
the pleasure they derive from a threesome is a byproduct of the exquisite, blood-hot
shame of seeing the beloved fuck someone else. Does he always look that stupid
when he comes? What the inhibited ladies don't know is that a threesome
is a good way to be competitive, and they're often harder to arrange than
a large dinner party. We love a challenge.
we enjoy being one half of a thoroughly immoral modern couple. We roam the beach,
the Xeroxed swinger mags with their pendulous hopefuls, the yoga centers, the
recovery groups, we glance from car to car: Her? What about her? Our last Ms.
X was a wizened lesbian who claimed not to have had consensual sex in five years,
and we left her with a lube-soaked massage table, severe cramps and Achtung
Baby skipping on the turntable.
was a no-go. She got a day pass from rehab and eagerly met us by the lake, and
our boyfriend watched silently as we wound her thick ponytail around our fist.
She kissed like a girl—breathily, with no muscle, no meat. All void. Not
quite what we were after, but we'll certainly keep looking.
"A toy.
"I can't
We have
Most importantly,
The obvious,
Those who
Not good.
The 22-year-old
All Those Bank Robbers and Their Notes
Hand over There were The NYPD
yor money, I have a gub. It started quietly last November. It was so quiet,
in fact, that it took a few weeks before we realized what was happening. Hardly
a day was going by without some little report in the dailies that another bank
had been robbed by a man armed only with a note. Some guy walks into a bank,
slides a "give me all your money" note to the teller, and runs away with "an
undetermined amount of cash." This past spring, the NYPD finally caught wind
of what was up—not bad, given that these bank jobs were happening every
single day. It was becoming a trend, a fad, and suddenly there were hundreds
of bank robberies by men with notes, most all of them getting away with at least
a little something for their troubles.
a few standouts along the way—the guy in the construction-worker get- up,
the woman in the blond wig; those persistent souls who, having been refused
by one teller, would simply step over to the next teller and get their money
from her instead; the guy who handcuffed the fake bomb to the bank manager's
wrist. All of them with a little style, none of them harming a soul. Not really,
blamed the banks. The banks blamed the NYPD, but didn't really seem to
care very much. Despite the best efforts of both parties to control the flow
of small amounts of cash out the front doors in a variety of parcels, the gentle,
quiet bank robbers continued going about their business, day in day out. And
we salute them and their nonviolent ways.
Hand over
There were
The NYPD
Way to Keep Brown People Out of Your Park
No Más Futbol
Ain't Greeks, That was A brand Try playing A few stragglers
really football anyway. Used to be, on Friday nights on a dusty field under
the Triboro Bridge, real teams played football with referees and everything.
On Sunday mornings, there was baseball, a few of the players aping David Wells'
conditioning program. And at just about any other hour, there was soccer. Sometimes
there'd be formal games that took up the whole field, but usually they'd
play sideways, four or five games, each confined to a precious 30 yards of the
field, maybe six or eight players a side endlessly catching the ball on their
sure, in Astoria, and Americans pale and otherwise. But the players were mostly
South Americans, a lot of short, broad Colombians, Ecuadorians and Peruvians
by the look of them—and no wives and kids mucking up the sidelines.
then. As Manhattan rents sent flocks fleeing to safe and accessible Astoria,
as property values leapt and old houses were razed for brick boxes shoehorned
into lots, it was time to sanitize the only park in the area.
new, six-lane track was installed, the sort festooned with exercise stations
with guidance on the perfect sit-up and a bunch of "No Ball Playing" signs.
If that wasn't enough to demoralize a working-class community's green
space, along came two lines of trees, some six in a row, bisecting the field,
one toward one end, the other closer to the middle.
futbol now, Jose.
migrated to the grassy hills elsewhere in the park, but it's tough to generate
any momentum, one leg shorter than the other. It's worth it, though, because
without all those short, squat brown people sneaking peeks at the pale pony-tailed
set, the whole neighborhood is safer for the recession emigres.
That was
A brand
Try playing
A few stragglers
Absolutely Useless NYPD Initiative
Cops on Segways
And speaking Think about Propped
of making criminals laugh out loud. Our initial suspicion upon hearing that
cops were being put on Segways in midtown was that it had to be the result of
some kind of product placement deal the struggling Segway company cut with the
NYPD. What other explanation could there possibly be? We can understand these
things being used by mailmen or meter readers—but regular cops?
it—you take already overweight and slow-moving beat cops, put them on cumbersome
devices that promise to keep them from getting any exercise at all, then send
them out onto the most heavily trafficked sidewalks in the city? Not only are
they going to become one more enormous pain-in-the-ass obstacle for the rest
of us to get around—what happens if they actually encounter, say, a crime?
atop a Segway—the dink device of 2003, and maybe even 2004 and beyond—NYPD's
finest aren't likely to be chasing any of our better crooks on a machine
that tops out at 12.5 mph. If it does come down to a chase, they're going
to have to stop, chain up the Segway to something, then undertake their pursuit.
Why not just leave them on bikes, or horses, or in cars—or best of all,
on foot, which might help a few of them actually drop a couple pounds?
And speaking
Think about
Security Lapse
Wide open. The office It's We're Best Reason to C'mon In most Contrary Thank god
For a recent trip to a friend's wedding in Massachusetts, we paid for our
Amtrak ticket online, providing a credit card number and the barest of personal
information. On travel day, we simply got on line at Penn Station, showed our
ticket and walked down to the track with our two large duffel bags, one of which
contained a jumble of electronics.
building above Penn Station, 2 Penn Plaza, is like Fort Knox, with guards checking
identification and calling parties down to confirm visitors. We admit that this
is a good idea, but if there are concerns about terrorism, shouldn't someone
look at the open doors provided by Amtrak all day long?
not just Manhattan—it's everywhere. With so much money—and criticism—thrown
at the airlines to buckle down, what of America's largest private rail?
Their trains run through every major city in America, and we can't remember
the last time a ticket-taker looked twice at our ticket.
convinced that the Ground Zero checkpoints and lobby patrols and cops pulling
Operation Atlas duty amount to nothing more than Manhattan's Maginot Line.
Blind Yourself With Lye
Belly Shirts
baby—hide a little skin. Lord knows we have no problem with people who
decide to wear revealing clothes. The only problem we have is with the fact
that most people—an enormous percentage of them, really—who decide
to let it all hang out simply shouldn't. Not when there's that
much that's going to be hanging out. And this past summer's predominant
fashion trend—belly shirts—made that all too evident.
of the cases that we were subjected to—and there were thousands this past
summer—clothes that were designed for young, slim, fit women were donned
by women who were too old, too flabby, too pregnant and had too rampant a skin
condition to justify such attire. We don't want to sound sexist or ageist
or whatever some will undoubtedly call it here, but Jesus Christ! We're
out trying to take a peaceful stroll when suddenly we're confronted with
this enormous, gray, bare gut bobbling straight toward us, squeezed and
distended, the bellybutton lost in a wink of flesh. And if they're walking
in front of us, we find half a fat, wrinkled ass staring back, threatening to
flop out completely with every step. Well, there goes lunch.
to what the ads might imply, belly shirts do not make the unattractive more
attractive. They make them instead seem pathetic, desperate and delusional.
What's more, these clothes apparently also leave the people who wear them
oblivious to the looks of horror and dismay—not to mention pity—shot
at them by everyone they pass.
winter's coming soon. Let's keep our fingers crossed that the big
fashion trend next summer involves clothes that fit.
Wide open.
The office
Best Reason to
In most
Thank god
Subway Ad
Dr. Zizmor's "Strength and Courage"
As if he Also in Without The list Although
didn't have troubles enough. Competition this year for "Best Subway Ad"
has been unusually fierce. There was the Bronx Zoo's ad for their new tiger
exhibit, which showed a child hand-feeding an ice cream cone to a full-grown
tiger. The MTA was up there, too, as usual, feeding into the city's heightened
level of paranoia with their "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign—as
well as their list of subway do's and don't's to avoid causing
another terrorist scare that would fuck up service.
the running: the Bud Light ad with the Puerto Rican giving us the finger and
the hateful "We Love Smoke-Free New York" campaign, with its photo of a smiling
group of smug waiters and waitresses—all of them just asking to be slapped.
question, though, this year's champ was Dr. Z. Never one to let the cheapest,
tackiest ploy go unused (even if it's almost two years late) Dr. Zizmor—New
York's most recognizable dermatologist—went above and beyond this
of skin diseases was still there, as were the rainbow and Dr. Z's smirking
mug. But now the ad reads, "Doctor and Mrs. Zizmor Congratulate New Yorkers
on Their Strength and Courage." And sure enough—there's the otherwise
unnamed "Mrs. Zizmor," in big sunglasses and a floppy hat, Photoshopped in behind
the doctor (suggesting to us that it was really just Zizmor himself in disguise).
at first the "strength and courage" bit seemed a clear reference to the 2001
attacks, the fact that it only first appeared so late in the game soon had us
convinced that at heart, it was really a reference to those hapless New
Yorkers who'd dare drag their pimply asses into Zizmor's office.
As if he
Also in
The list
Kick in the Nuts by the MTA
"Sometimes You Have to Go Backwards to Go Forward"
Go forward So that's At the Atlantic Everywhere, News for
yourself. It isn't enough that the MTA has hiked fares while stripping
us of our beloved, though under-appreciated, token booths and clerks. Now every
time we step onto a steamy platform from a freezing train we're confronted
by patronizing paper signs bearing the slogan, "sometimes you have to go backwards
to go forward."
why we're paying $2 for the same ride that a few months ago cost 25 percent
less! Does the logic follow that sometimes we need to give more money to get
more money? Is there a rebate in our future? Doubtful.
Ave. hub, we were completely abandoned by a local 2 that refused to take passengers
forward, so we tagged along with a group of pissed off passengers who seemed
to know where they were headed. Soon enough, our fellow stragglers had found
their way, leaving us with no more options. Construction workers ignored us,
and those MTA workers one finds directing lost souls at 42nd St. were absent.
the "backwards to go forwards" signs—the only explanation offered up for
screwy service. We wandered downstairs and nervously walked across an empty
LIRR station platform, through a maze of temporary, blue-wooden hallways, to
another paper sign that finally identified our train line and direction (penned
sloppily with marker). Eventually, we arrived somewhere near our destination.
the MTA: While you're taking more of our money, we're doing an awful
lot of going backward. We don't exactly go forward, we just got to where
we were going in the first place, you cocksuckers.
Go forward
So that's
At the Atlantic
News for
Williamsburg After-Hours
The laundromat on N. 3rd St., between Bedford & Driggs Ave., Williamsburg
We hear At three, After-hours Where there's Six games
they wash clothes, too. We knew it was a bad idea, doing that last line of meth
in the bathroom of whatever bar it was. We'd started at work, six o'clock
or so, needing the chemical kick to push through happy-hour pleasantries with
coworkers. Then we ran wild for a bit, flirting on a coupla buzzy catch-up hours
with acquaintances.
we chased in that bathroom. At four, everything was closed, everyone was gone
and we were alone without a comfortable couch and television for the comedown,
no warm body welcoming us into the bed. We were right fucked.
bars and clubs and parties are easy to come by—if you're an attractive
woman or if you're hanging out with attractive women. Or, simply, if you
have friends. Typically, we didn't qualify, so we wandered Bedford, hoping
to stumble upon others in the same situation. Eventually, we came upon the 24-hour
laundromat on N. 3rd St.
a Miss Pac-Man/Galaga combo arcade game. The latter just so happens to be the
only arcade game we've ever been good at. It was our game growing
up on the Jersey shore, stalking from arcade to arcade, scouring coin-return
slots for quarters and pumping the proceeds into this superior sequel to the
Space Invaders rip-off Galaxian.
and two hours later, we could feel the tickle of tired finding its way topside.
We wiped our brow and went walking again. An hour in the park staring at the
skyline, smoking a joint and sipping lemonade, we were just about ready to fall.
Off to the L, back to the island, a few blocks home and sleep until noon.
We hear
At three,
Where there's
Six games
Corporate Trend
Revoking of Casual Fridays
Pol Pot In the offices So, no more
wore khakis. Yes, yes, in the corporate world. Casual Fridays are still around,
especially in the summer. But we get the sense that after a high-water mark
in the mid-90s, they're dying out. Frankly, we'd gladly wear a tux
every day to further their demise.
we've seen, Casual Friday involves a bunch of overpaid, commuting white
dudes strolling around in short-sleeved knit shirts with a demeanor that suggests
a ruler up their asses—as opposed to the usual yardstick. What does "casual"
mean to frightened automatons like this? To us, it means a t-shirt, ragged shorts
and sneakers. The only corporate staff we see dressed like that is in the mailroom:
the messengers who earn the right to always dress casually by not earning enough
money for the work they do.
Casual Fridays. They're too glaring a reminder of how dislocated those
striving to be the ruling class are from any vestige of common sense. The day
we see a CFO strolling in with a sleeveless Def Leppard t-shirt and kneeless
jeans will be the day we reconsider.
Pol Pot
In the offices
So, no more
Female Fashion Trend to Adopt
Le Buttcrack
Girls' Designers The urge
club. In the past year, girly couture has moved beyond thongs, beyond low-slung
hip-huggers, beyond the lower back tattoo—and achieved a newer and even
more glorious apotheosis with the brave display of asscrack. At this rate, the
three-inch rise should give way to bare pudenda fashion some time by decade's
like Daniella Clarke may not have originated the full-on buttcrack look (plumber's've
been honing it for decades, no?), but Clarke's popular Frankie B line of
jeans does succeed as the first major commodification of the half-bare bum.
to reveal, in extremis, is something we can grasp. What remains a question for
the ages is why female crack is so exciting and good while the male stuff is…not?
Perhaps there's a squad of semioticians out there right now, searching
for the answer. In the meantime, we do not mind this trend, so long as the right
women are hopping on the bandwagon.
The urge
Reason to Shout "Cunt!" at a Disembodied Voice
Claire, Sprint Wireless' AI Assistant
Can you Thanks to We're Fuck you, A little
hear me now, bitch? For someone who isn't real, Claire sure has a way of
chafing our tits. Yes, dear Claire: everyone's favorite illiterate immigrant
from the digital world. Claire: Sprint's artificial intelligence that's
genuinely stupid.
some starry-eyed IEEE member out there, an increasing number of major corporations
are switching over to digital operator software that—or so the pitch goes—employs
speech-recognition technology and thus makes our lives easier. We'll
admit that wading through push-button menus is annoying, but we fail to understand
how talking to a comprehension-impaired machine is supposed to make anyone happier.
far from Luddite, but talking to a non-entity leaves us feeling schizophrenic.
To help us overcome this discomfort, Sprint attempted to pull a Simone
and gave form to the digital dust of Claire. Extrapolating from the red pullover,
fashionable short hair and almond-shaped face offered on the Sprint website,
she's exactly who we hate: a khaki-clad, SUV-driving, Jersey mom who thinks
she's saving the digital world with her voice- answering system.
Claire. No, you can't help us. Fuck you, Claire, we were speaking
clearly. Fuck you, Claire, and fuck your technological advances and fuck your
entire species. We'd rather retreat to the land of landlines than face
a future of you and your kind. Were you only real, we'd find you and sodomize
you with our piece-of-shit Sprint cellphone.
heads-up to other companies considering the switch to a vox-recognition operator:
When it comes to customer service AIs, we're in the middle ground of efficacy.
Until the boys at MIT make strides significant enough for them to work,
stick to the honest bumbling of human operators. Claire may be fake and all,
but the universal resentment of her sure is real.
Can you
Thanks to
Fuck you,
A little
Male Fashion Trend to Avoid
At least She was "Come on," "No," she "What's And that's She, too, "And by Best Ciao, NYC. Look at Put a couple Rarely has The smoking
trim a bit. He was a poncey little piece of Noho trash. Greasy, black, shoulder-length
hair, all slack and louche with one hand jammed deep in the pocket of his low-rise
jeans, the other describing a helix of bullshit to go with the nonsense he spoke.
pretty. A young Asian girl, undecided, apparently, as to whether she wanted
him or wanted to blow him off. Each time he lay the rap on too heavily, she
backed off the sidewalk and into Elizabeth St. He would then reach out, grab
her elbows and pull her back to him. When she finally told him he couldn't
come home with her, he got angry.
he yelled.
yelled back.
your problem?" he said, jamming both hands in his pockets in a full-on pout.
when we noticed it: his massive, hairy bush. Pubes down to the top of his junk.
Dark short hairs, blowing out over his trou, beckoning like anemone palps. Flicking.
Fluttering. Filtering dirt particulate from out of the passing breeze.
noted this cornucopia of curlies, and a curdle came over her face. Placing both
hands on his hips, she yanked upwards, issuing a command more guys of a certain
generation should heed:
the way, you should really pull up your pants."
Cause to Wonder What the Hell City This Is
The Smoking Ban
Not too long ago, really, New York had a reputation. We were not only the biggest
city in the nation, we were also the toughest and the scariest. We were the
world capital of vice. The tourists came, yes, but they did so to be able to
go back home and tell people that they'd visited New York and survived.
us now.
of schoolmarms in the mayor's office and what do you think is going to
happen? Times Square is sold off to major corporations who have their own reputations
to maintain. Dozens of ridiculous "quality of life" laws are created—though
never the ones that matter. Snapple pays the city more than $100 million and
becomes the official sponsor of the New York City public school system. (Think
about that one again: Our school system has an official beverage, AND IT'S
SNAPPLE.) Everything's prettier and cleaner and nicer, and doozy of
doozies, we can now no longer smoke in bars.
such an ill-conceived piece of "public safety" legislation been shoved down
the throats of the public it's supposed to protect. In the guise of "safeguarding
the health of bar employees," it has led to a massive drop in business, crowds
of surly drunks blocking the sidewalks, more noise complaints and at least two
deaths—but you can follow all that in the Post.
ban was, simply, the last big step in transforming New York from the King of
All Cities into just another small-minded provincial burg—albeit with a
glandular problem. The city that never sleeps now needs to take regular naps.
At least
She was
"Come on,"
"No," she
And that's
She, too,
"And by
Ciao, NYC.
Look at
Put a couple
Rarely has
The smoking
and Only Supporter of the Smoking Ban
Our Dog
Wows for La vita
bow-wow. We'd like to add our wiggly little pitbull to that wee constituency
of prigs and asthmatics won over by the mayor's ban on indoor smoking.
She's a social dog, a lover of love and a giver of infinite licks. And
since the policy went into effect last spring, it's been nothing short
of an attention windfall for her.
couldn't be any more dulce for our doggie now that most nights of the week
see a different gaggle of steakhead girlfriends smoking between us and our front
doorway. Half-cocked and feeling the love, they invariably clamor around her
to coo and to stroke. Sometimes they even plop down on the sidewalk and make
out with her, not realizing that her snout spends a fair bit of time up other
dog's cracks. But hey, let's face it—be it inside a bar where
they belong or out among pedestrians, a schnockered idiot will do what a schnockered
idiot will do. No faint reek of doggie ass is going to deter the scores of knee-walking
Friday-night drunks who choke the sidewalks and cloud the air with their tar-tinged,
secretarial-pool desperation. Which is exactly as our pooch wants it. As far
as we can tell, she's okay with smoker's breath, too.
Wows for
La vita
Presumed to be courtesy Bansky (UK)
Socially Aware Tourist Attraction
Critical Mass
A bicycle On the last Many recreational The first
built for 200. Too much social-justice stuff is grueling and thankless. Not
so at a Critical Mass outing, where you can tool around the city on your bike
with a couple hundred people. Some call it "activism lite," because it's
more about the fun than the message.
Friday of every month, all manner of bike riders gathers for a trip through
the city streets. Whizzing down Broadway, grinning like a banshee, other cyclists
and the occasional Rollerblader alongside and behind and in front of you, often
as far as the eye can see—it's quite a rush.
riders express reluctance about taking part—afraid they're not fit
enough, or that their bikes aren't sophisticated enough, or that the pace
will be too demanding. No need to fret. Everyone can participate, on any bike.
You'll see antique Schwinns and three-speed Raleighs and seven-foot choppers
and fixed-gears and hybrids and mountain bikes and fold-ups. Cyclists of all
ages and abilities come along, and with that many bikes, the pace is normally
no speedier than a brisk amble.
time a little kid on the sidewalk catches your eye and sets to hopping up and
down frenetically, squealing with glee at the spectacle of hundreds of mismatched
people on mismatched bikes, your heart will melt, even if it's January
and you're otherwise numb. Sure, Critical Mass has pissed off a motorist
in its day, usually, but not exclusively a Beemer or Escalade, but it's
mostly rounds of cheers pressing you forward—coupled with the flashing
of digital cameras. To us, that's the coolest thing about Critical Mass—every
month a crew of tourists will interpret this sea of cyclists bum-rushing the
avenues as just another piece of New York City.
A bicycle
On the last
Many recreational
The first
Activity that Shouldn't Be Condoned but You can't Help Applauding
Masturbating on Tourists in Rockefeller Center
Gee, Midge, All we ask
what's this stain on the back of your shirt? Everything in life is a trade-off.
If all the bums and delinquents had to be run out of Times Square and the rest
of Midtown so we could attract tourists, then they should be allowed to fire
off a jizzshot on the back of some diabetic from Iowa in swooshy fat pants every
now and then. Questions of morality (and health code) aside, we give these guys
a certain amount of credit for having the balls to whip it out in public. They're
certainly a braver lot than the frotteurists who rub against women in crowded
subway cars.
of delinquents is that they be up front about it.
Gee, Midge,
All we ask
Simulation of New York City
New York City
Paging Mr. The "real" The end And when
Philip K. Dick. Edging out the Las Vegas reproduction of New York City as the
best simulation of New York City is New York City, though the previous got serious
points for its eerily prophetic omission of the Twin Towers when it was constructed
a few years ago.
New York City—i.e., the place we're living right now—is a mere
shell of what it once was. Yes, there are still signs of life—real people
struggling to live real lives—but the emasculation and sterilization of
this once-cultural capital has spread from Times Square throughout midtown,
down deep into Greenwich Village, over to the east side, across to Hell's
Kitchen, leaving few neighborhoods untouched.
of the world's never seemed closer, and yet neither has the MTV-birthed
belly-shirt/faux-tough persona seemed more essential yet vacuous. There's
a constant exchange of endless "urgent" messages—via billboards, via flash
ads, via signs atop every single bit of available public space—without
fear of shame or repercussion. Where are we headed? We recently envisaged a
future with hard-baked chartreuse subway cars with "New York Means Business"
painted on the side, and conductors in variegated shades of jump-suit. The male
newscasters will soon wear shirtless overalls. Little triangles will be cut
out of women's pants—they'll be called "Hot & Moists" (but
the modicum of dignity we all require will preclude their being worn at the
workplace—except perhaps on "Freaky Fridays"). Million-dollar plasma ads
and the latest world news and stock prices and weather in Japan will flash non-stop
in miniature, holographic Times Square replicas all over town. There'll
be maybe four blackouts a year—at first.
all is said and done, the rats will wear business suits and the nightly ratcasts
will talk of "people—some as big as fifty times our size—seen
climbing up buildings at night." Hollywood, decades after moving out of their
own lots to film reality on the streets of New York, will once again return
to the stage sets—the cinema veratistes among them—to recreate the
"real" New York of their memories.
Paging Mr.
The "real"
The end
And when
Appalling Litigation
The Body Bag Lawsuit
Fordion Packaging Ltd. of Hackensack, NJ
The rigormortis This year, Imagine We're Hey, Fordion—if
racket. At a time when private citizens flocked to donate supplies, food and
pints of their own blood in a sad attempt to assuage the aftermath of a national
disaster, Fordion Packaging was the company tapped to produce and deliver body-bags
to the World Trade Center. New York City requested 100,000 of them. (At the
time, we had no idea of the extent of the attacks, how long they would last
or that there wouldn't even be enough bodies left intact to warrant a fraction
of this order. No one did.) New York City attempted to return the bags on the
grounds that they were not constructed to specifications.
Fordion actually had the balls to file a federal lawsuit against our city for
the cost of those unused bags, plus interest ($203,388, now $310,420). Fordion—which
also, fortunately for them, supplies bags to the U.S. military—argues that
other clients' orders were waylaid while they scrambled to meet our apparently
extravagant demands.
the precedent this might set. Can we sue the Red Cross for misrepresentation
and get our plasma back? Plus interest?
all biting the bullet these days, but last time we checked, the death industry
in this country wasn't exactly floundering. It's more than enough
that our newly hiked taxes will drive thousands of New Yorkers to New Jersey's
cheesy malls and needle-laced beaches.
you're really lucky, maybe some of us will drop dead while we're over
there smoking in the bar. Have a little class, you pricks.
The rigormortis
This year,
Hey, Fordion—if
Best Way to Score
Special K
Befriend a Veterinarian
Dealer of Then Special K's (On a side We have
Veterinary Medicine. For several years, the feds played a cat-and-mouse game
with this animal tranquilizer. No one could quite figure out how its manufacturer
could justify shipping such huge quantities. We never complained, so long as
the supply lasted.
K was reclassified as a Schedule III drug, and the coveted Ft. Dodge label became
as scarce as polo shirts at the Black Party. Sure, we could live without it.
But it was so easy: Just open the bottle, pour into a Pyrex dish, set the oven
at 300 and in 30 minutes, presto! Enough of the residue to scoop into a gram
bottle and up, up and away.
use as a club drug probably reached its apotheosis when Club USA named its Sunday
gay night Bump and featured a three-story slide it called the K Hole. We're
especially proud of our friend Ken, who introduced Timothy Leary to K; he then
reportedly used it to slip into an easier death. Most of us will have to settle
for the average disembodied K-hole experience.
note, our favorite howler will always be Frank Owens' compendium article
in the Voice, in which he authoritatively stated that sex was impossible
while high on K. Um, sorry Frank, but a lot of us could've told you otherwise.
a friend who likes Special K so much, all his friends call him Kitty. Like the
rest of us, Kitty's hardly satisfied with counterfeit Tijuana brands or
the Japanese stuff that couldn't put a turtle to sleep. Maybe it's
just a coincidence that Kitty has become such good friends with Artie, who is
setting up a new practice on the West Side as a cat doctor. Or, could it be
the pharmacy-grade K that Artie would willingly share at the Roxy? Either way,
we're not asking questions, as long as we get a taste now and then.
Dealer of
Then Special
(On a side
We have
Homegrown Public Service Announcement
Wacky New Fad That Isn't
Flash Mobs
Flux you, They called "In the Wow, Before you Yes, yes, In the late Every modern Then again,
too, pal. The news stories first began appearing in early July. There was a
crazy new fad sweeping New York, they said, even though few of us who actually
lived here were aware of it.
them flash mobs, and they involved large groups of people contacted via email
gathering together at a predetermined public spot—a park, a store, a hotel
lobby—doing something silly for a few minutes, then dispersing quickly.
latest occurrence," one early news report had it, "about 200 people converged
on a Central Park ridge across from the Museum of Natural History… Once
in place, the mob tweeted like birds and crowed like roosters, chanted 'Na-ture,'
and then dispersed… If you're wondering what's the point, there
is not one."
we thought, these are wacky hijinx if there ever were!
knew it, every major news outlet was doing a "flash mob" story. And suddenly
flash mobs themselves were popping up not only in New York, but London and Vienna
and Italy and Germany, too. Why, this Wacky New Trend was bigger than goldfish
swallowing or flagpole sitting! And what's more, it was something no one
had ever done before! Not ever in the entire history of man on Earth!
yes. Well, nobody'd done it for a while at least. Plus they'd given
it a new name, which is something.
60s and 70s they would've called such a thing a "happening." Later, snooty
types called it "performance art." When we were involved with this sort of pranking
in the 80s, we never bothered to give it a name, thinking that giving it a name
would give it too much meaning. Before that there was Fluxus, before that there
was Dada, before that there was…
(and postmodern) generation, it seems, has played with some sort of variation
of the same thing—but most of them never got national news coverage. They
just were.
to be fair, most every generation that's pulled something like this thoug
Flux you,
They called
"In the
Before you
Yes, yes,
In the late
Every modern
Then again,


text:
Memorable quotes from the recent climb up Gunung Berembun last Saturday:
"I just want to remind the young people here not to make too much noise while climbing. We don't want to disturb the spirits!" (said by an older climber RIGHT AFTER we prayed for safety and said 'amen'. #that'sdamnmehandblardyinappropriate!)
"Remember this son, someday you will do the same thing for your dad" (said by someone who watched me tie Ryan's shoe laces)
"When my dad says it's an easy climb, it generally means hell" (said by son of one of the organisers of the climb)
"Quick! Quick! Get the salt from my backpack!" (said by a climber on discovering a leach was happily crawling on her palm but HAS NOT bitten her yet)
"We shall rename this cave Gua Durian" (said by a climber after a durian feast at the Gua Kambing)
"Are we there yet?" (said by many a weary climbers)
"Anyone want to taste my nuts?" (said by Jimbo when offering his bag of honey roasted almond nuts to other climbers)
"Eeeewwww" (said by many climbers offered honey roasted almond nuts by Jimbo)
"I'm actually on a diet" (said by a climber after eating a whopping 6 durians)


text:
Posts tagged Google
Posts tagged Google
Here's a post on Storify for any of you who've heard about it and not tried it yet. It's written by a woman who's evaluating it for use within the practice of Journalism, seems like a great site for all sorts of additional purposes too!
Microsoft's Bing search engine grabbed 13.6 percent search share through February, up from 13.1 percent from January as the company continues to peck away at Google's search kingdom.
According to Google Analytics, and I can screencap this if you want, the total number of people who have visited my Tumblog since I started tracking (out of thousands of people) who have found me via Bing, is one.
US Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) is adding his voice to a growing chorus calling for congressional hearings over Google's alleged anticompetitive business practices. Lee recently noted his concerns in a letter to Sen. Herb Kohl (D-WI), chairman of the Senate Judiciary antitrust subcommittee, just as Kohl announced that the subcommittee would examine complaints about Google's ranking system.
"The powerful position Google occupies in the general search arena creates myriad opportunities for anticompetitive behavior," Lee wrote in his letter to Kohl, noting that Google effectively acts as a gatekeeper for accessing Internet-based businesses.
» via ars technica
Google took some of the features from Google Wave (now Apache Wave) and split them up into "Spaces" that anyone can instantly join.
Here are some new toys to play with today.
It's pretty big!
How Big is the Internet?
(via libraryland)
Privacy - what was that again? I seem to have heard of it, just can't remember..
A rundown of some of the latest (shocking) develoments, from siliconvalley.com's Levi Sumagaysay.