text:
Fabulous as a appetizer or a as side dish.
Morel Mushroom and Oloroso Sherry Gratin
James Carrier
Notes: At the wine bar, this dish is served in a small cazuela (a Spanish earthenware casserole); we increased the portion to make a generous appetizer for four. Morel mushrooms are in season in the spring and early summer in the Northwest. If you can't find them, cremini mushrooms will make a different but delicious dish. And if you can't find Manchego cheese, you can use another sharp-flavored, aged white cheese, such as dry jack.
Yield: Makes 4 appetizer servings
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Nutritional Information
Amount per serving
- Calories: 511
- Calories from fat: 60%
- Protein: 12g
- Fat: 34g
- Saturated fat: 21g
- Carbohydrate: 40g
- Fiber: 2.7g
- Sodium: 532mg
- Cholesterol: 105mg
- 8 ounces fresh morel or cremini mushrooms (see notes)
- 3 tablespoons butter
- 1/3 cup minced shallots (about 2 oz.)
- 2 tablespoons minced garlic
- 1/2 cup oloroso sherry
- 1 cup whipping cream
- 1 cup finely shredded Manchego cheese (about 2 oz.; see notes)
- 8 ounces crusty artisan-style bread, sliced and toasted
- 1. Trim and discard discolored stem ends from morels. Submerge mushrooms in a bowl of cool water and gently agitate with your hands to loosen any dirt. Drain, rinse thoroughly under running water, and gently pat dry. Cut mushrooms in half lengthwise (if using cremini mushrooms, cut into quarters).
- 2. In a 10- to 12-inch frying pan over medium heat, melt butter. Add shallots and garlic and stir often until limp, about 5 minutes. Add mushrooms and stir often until juices released by mushrooms have evaporated, 5 to 6 minutes.
- 3. Add sherry and increase heat to medium-high. Boil until sherry is reduced by about half, about 3 minutes. Add cream and boil, stirring occasionally, until sauce thickly coats mushrooms and is reduced by about two-thirds, 4 to 5 minutes.
- 4. Spoon mushroom mixture into a shallow 3- to 4-cup ceramic baking dish. Sprinkle top evenly with cheese. Broil 4 to 6 inches from heat until cheese is melted and bubbling, about 2 minutes. Serve with toasted bread slices.
My Notes
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Morel Mushroom and Oloroso Sherry Gratin Recipe at a Glance
- COURSE: Appetizers, Dips/Spreads
- CONVENIENCE: Entertaining
- CUISINE: American, Pacific Northwest, Spanish
- MAIN INGREDIENT: Cheese
- DIETARY CONSIDERATION: Meatless
- PUBLICATION: Sunset
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Ticket #1118 (new bug)
Lasso Regression is slow on auto-mpg dataset.
|Reported by:
|Owned by:
|Blocked By:
Learning of Lasso Regression learner on auto-mpg dataset is very slow. It also generates division by zero warnings. Please check and fix if possible.
code to reproduce (run python as "python -Wall" to enable warnings):
import Orange auto = Orange.data.Table("auto-mpg") lr = Orange.regression.lasso.LassoRegressionLearner(n_boot=2, n_perm=2) lr(auto)
Change History
comment:1 Changed 2 years ago by lanz
- Type changed from check to bug
- Severity changed from minor to major
- Milestone changed from 2.6 to 2.5
Not just slow, LASSO is (at least on my system: latest orange, scipy 0.10.1) completely BROKEN! The optimization it uses (scipy.optimize.fmin_cobyla) is not working properly for this problem.
If there are more than ~20 variables the optimization is not converging, the solution it returns is not even feasible (!) and, as far as I saw in a couple of tests, largely independent of the parameter t.
Additionaly, even in very small problems when it reports to have converged successfully, it has in fact not found the optimal solution.
I have tried some minor tweaks such as setting the initial approximation to all zeros instead of random (this is at least guaranteed to be feasible), but it didn't help.
It also doesn't work if you use a different parametrization of lasso (with regularization in the objective, but without constraints). But with this formulation it is possible to use scipy.optimize.fmin_l_bfgs_b, which does work.
Data set auto-mpg is now about twice as fast (as it converges): 34s to 17s with no permutations. But the method performs terribly for n<m. The objective here is of course not differentiable and you have to use fmin_l_bfgs_b with approx_grad=1 which can't be fast I guess.
One possibility is to use cvxopt. It is another dependency, but at least it is able to properly do convex optimization (e.g. 100x faster than above for some n<m).
Anze, Lan (or anybody else), if you have an older version of scipy could you try if it is also broken there. Did this work properly before?
Changed 2 years ago by lanz
- attachment lasso_lbfgs.diff added
Another optimization function. Note that the parameter t here is not the same as before.
comment:2 Changed 2 years ago by lanz
- Cc lanz added
I attached a possible (temporary) fix. In the future, someone could implement the LARS algorithm to see how much it improves the performance. I think for now cvxopt is not necessary since we probably don't need it for anything else.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Lyrics & Chords
Mubaseer said
hi reyas nice singinggggg super and nice voice wow wow wow
Mohamed Nouthas said
hi reyas arumayana voice neenga y cinimala try pannakkoodathu? but nan innum kekkala irunthalum nice voice……….
Rajesh Kumar said
Super da reyas
Voice Super da
Farhann C said
hello reyas really nice songs and ur voice also… keep it up….
Anees Khan said
nice song,keep it,select melody (ilayaraja songs),sing more.
Mohamed Nouthas said
hi reyas niceda machan
by Reyas Ahamed
uploaded almost 5 years ago
- 64 Plays. Last played on September 28, 2014
- 0 Favorites
- 3 Likes
- 6 Comments
- 3 PAADUM VANAMPAADI MP3 Download


text:
STEVENS POINT, Wis. (WSAU) -- An unusual request to change the zoning of a Stevens Point property was denied. The survivors of Irene Haertel asked the city to change the zoning for 3500 Main Street from residential to B-4 Business.
Haertel had previously sold the land north of their home along Wilshire Boulevard to the Catholic Cemetery Association, which borders two of the four sides of the lot. Many believe Haertel had a verbal agreement to sell the house to the cemetery when she passed away, but it was not found written in any of her documents.
The family and their realtor would like the property zoned for business, which would make the lot more valuable. After hearing several residents speak against the change, Alderman Randal Stroik said he could not support the change without a specific development plan.
During committee meetings last week, there was also discussion about possible access and traffic problems. Opponents at both meetings emphasised the cemetery should be kept as a quiet place that's free of business noises.
The City Council denied the request to change the zoning.
Irene Haertel died last December at 101 years old. She and her husband George ran Haertel Monuments, which placed a majority of the grave markers in the cemetery next door to their home. That's not where they are buried, though. George and Irene Haertel were laid to rest in Wisconsin Rapids.


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This Agreement shall be governed by and interpreted in accordance with English law and each party hereby submits to the non-exclusive jurisdiction of the English courts.
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I have never written a review before and I use myrecipes all of the time. This soup was such a waste of good ingredients and time. I agree with jchristine that it is bland and lacks individual notes of flavor. I have so much left over and hate to throw it out, but I don't want to eat it.
Lemon Grass Chicken Soup
James Carrier
This Asian-inspired chicken soup is chock full of meat, vegetables, and delicious spices like lemongrass, ginger, garlic, and fish sauce.
Yield: Makes 5 to 6 quarts; 10 to 12 servings
How to Clean Mushrooms
How to Slice Cabbage
More From Sunset
Nutritional Information
Amount per serving
- Calories: 254
- Calories from fat: 6%
- Protein: 30g
- Fat: 1.8g
- Saturated fat: 0.4g
- Carbohydrate: 30g
- Fiber: 3.8g
- Sodium: 300mg
- Cholesterol: 44mg
- 3 quarts fat-skimmed chicken broth
- 2 stalks fresh lemon grass (each 12 to 18 in. long), or 6 thin strips lemon peel (each 1/2 in. by 3 in.; yellow part only)
- 12 thin (quarter-size) slices fresh ginger
- 6 or 7 fresh jalapeño chilies (3 to 3 1/2 oz. total)
- 1 1/4 pounds cabbage
- 8 ounces mushrooms
- 2 carrots (8 oz. total)
- 2 pounds boned, skinned chicken breast halves
- 4 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped
- 1 can (14 1/2 oz.) diced tomatoes
- About 1/2 cup lemon juice
- About 2 tablespoons Asian fish sauce (nam pla or nuoc mam) or soy sauce
- 1/3 cup thinly sliced green onions
- 5 cups hot cooked rice
- 2 lemons (5 oz. each), cut into wedges
- 1 1/2 cups chopped fresh cilantro
- 1. In an 8- to 10-quart pan, bring broth to a boil over high heat. Meanwhile, pull off and discard coarse outer layers from lemon grass and trim off and discard stem ends; rinse lemon grass. Cut each stalk into about 3-inch lengths. With the flat side of a knife, lightly crush lemon grass and ginger. Rinse chilies and cut one or two in half lengthwise (use two if you'd like it spicy); stem remaining chilies (seed, if desired, for less heat), finely chop, and reserve. Add lemon grass, ginger, and halved chilies to boiling broth. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 20 to 30 minutes.
- 2. Meanwhile, rinse cabbage and cut into shreds about 1/4 inch wide and 2 to 3 inches long. Rinse mushrooms, trim off and discard stem ends and discolored parts, and slice lengthwise 1/4 inch thick. Peel carrots and slice 1/4 inch thick. Rinse chicken and cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices 1 1/2 to 2 inches long.
- 3. With a slotted spoon, remove and discard lemon grass, ginger, and chilies from broth.
- 4. Add cabbage, mushrooms, carrots, and garlic to broth; cover and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat and simmer until carrots are tender when pierced, 8 to 10 minutes.
- 5. Add chicken and tomatoes (including juice). Cover and cook over high heat until chicken is no longer pink in the center (cut to test), 2 to 4 minutes. Add lemon juice and fish sauce to taste. Serve soup from the pan, or pour into a tureen. Sprinkle with green onions.
- 6. Place rice, lemon wedges, cilantro, and chopped chilies in separate bowls and offer with soup to add to taste.
You can prepare through step 4 up to 1 day ahead; cool, cover, and chill. Return to a simmer, then continue.
My Notes
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Lemon Grass Chicken Soup Recipe at a Glance
- COURSE: Soups/Stews
- CONVENIENCE: Make-Ahead
- CUISINE: California, Asian
- MAIN INGREDIENT: Poultry
- DIETARY CONSIDERATION: Low Fat, Low Saturated Fat
- PUBLICATION: Sunset
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Lemon Chicken Soup with DumplingsCooking Light
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Barry Burns
We currently have no biography for this artist. You can contribute biographical information for Barry Burns to Wikipedia, the user-contributed encyclopedia. If you know that a biography for Barry Burns already exists in Wikipedia, you can add a link to Barry Burns's entry in MusicBrainz.
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Tel: (352)589-5683
Grades: PK - 8 | 207 students
Faith Lutheran School, founded in 1965 and supported by Faith Lutheran Church, provides a quality Christian education to children aged 3 through 8th grade.
Children received instruction from qualified, certified teachers.
The school provides a safe, loving environment for children of all faiths.
Middle school students who qualify can also participate in honors math classes that count for high school credit in algebra and geometry.
All children participate in weekly chapel services where they learn the love of Jesus Christ.
School Overview
|School Membership(s)School Assoc.
|National Lutheran Schools Accreditation
|Religious Affiliation
|Lutheran Church -- Missouri Synod
|Grades Offered
|Grades Prekindergarten - 8
|Year Founded
Student Body
|Total Students
|207 students
|Student Body Type
|% Students of Color
State avg.: 32%
|Students by Grade
Academics and Faculty
|Total Classroom Teachers
|14 teachers
|Student : Teacher Ratio
National avg.: 13:1
|% Faculty w/Advanced Degree
|Average Class Size
|18 students
|Classroom Dress Code
(French Toast school uniform pieces)
Finances and Admission
|Admission Deadline
|None / Rolling
|Yearly Tuition Cost
|Tuition Notes
|Tuition varies for grade level. Please call the school office at 352-589-5683 for more information or a packet to be mailed to you.
|Admissions Director
|Marcy Kappel
|Total Sports Offered
|6 sports
|Basketball, Flag Football, Golf, Soccer, Track and Field, VolleyballBasketball, Flag Football,
Golf, Soccer,
Track and Field, Volleyball,
|Total ExtracurricularsTotal Extra-curric.
|5 extracurriculars
|Choir, Handbells, Musicals, National Junior Honor Society, Orchestra Choir, Handbells, Musicals, Orchestra, National Junior Honor Society,
School Notes:
Profile last updated: 09/10/2013
Nearby Schools:
All Schools |High Schools High Schools |Elementary Schools Elementary Schools |Preschools Preschools |Public Schools Public Schools
Show me:
- School Location Miles Students Grades
Eustis Life Changing Christian Academy
Eustis , FL , 32726
(352)602-4224(Seventh-Day Adventist)0.2 mi | 70 students | Gr. K-12
Tavares Liberty Christian Academy
2451 Dora Avenue
Tavares , FL , 32778
(352)343-0061(Baptist)1.2 mi | 190 students | Gr. PK-12
Eustis Lakeside Academy
Eustis , FL , 32726
(352)357-2653Special Education School1.4 mi | 5 students | Gr. 8-12
EustisBlue Lake Academy
Po Box 1947
Eustis , FL , 32727
(352)357-8655(Baptist)1.7 mi | 172 students | Gr. K-9
EustisHealing Waters Academy Of Excellence
Eustis , FL , 32726
(352)357-2534(Pentecostal)1.8 mi | 5 students | Gr. 3-9
School Reviews
- June 20, 2012 - This school is superior in academics to other private schools in the area. Teachers are amazing in how they adapt to each childs learning style. We could not be happier. - Posted by Parent
- April 09, 2012 - . I have never posted a review but feel passionate and grateful enough to do so about Faith Lutheran School. Choosing between public and private education was a very tough decision for my wife and I. After researching the options, visiting several schools both private and public and talking to teachers and guidance counselors we chose to enroll our kids at Faith Lutheran pre school. The main reason was the students transferring from Faith Lutheran to the high school level were highly praised and seemed to excel academically. In many cases they were the valedictorians and salutatorians of their class. We do not put those kinds of expectations on our kids but we wanted to give them the opportunity and the tools to do their best. Faith is a hands on school very committed to instilling Christian values and to the success of their students academically and socially. We can't say enough about the teachers and coaches on how big of an impact they have had on our kids' lives. We have two kids still at Faith and two have moved on to high school. With everything taken into consideration it was probably the best decision we have ever made as parents. - Posted by Parent
Area Statistics
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Updated August 17, 2014
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Expo Education - First Aid and CPR/AED Training: Assessing and Retaining Program Effectiveness
|Description: Safety and training specialists must ensure safety programs meet liability and regulatory obligations. Compliance requires training. AHA can help attendees see how to take training beyond obligations and help ensure their training program is effective. Attendees will learn about program effectiveness benchmarks, assessment tool(s) and resources to help maintain both a compliant and effective training program.
|Instructor(s): Rod Kimble, American Heart Association, Dallas, TX


text:
Shinerich® 14" Charcoal Tabletop Grill
Item # WX2-226135
- Google+
This item is shipped directly from the factory. To see the expected shipping date, please add to your Shopping Cart. Sorry, no express shipping available. We are unable to ship factory direct items to Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico or APO or FPO addresses.
- Details & Specs
Portable 14" Charcoal Tabletop Grill is a movable feast of BBQ goodness!
Nothing beats BBQ! And now, you can take along this handy-dandy "mini" Tabletop Grill to carry on the tradition of home cooking on-the-go. Perfect size for picnics to backyard grill-outs.Here's the recipe:
- Measures 14" dia. x 18 1/ 2 "h., weighs 7 lbs.
- Generous 151 square inches of cooking space
- Lid has high-temperature powder coating
- Fire bowl with porcelain enamel finish
- Chrome-plated cooking grid
- Zinc-plated charcoal grid
- Ash tray included. Some simple assembly required.
- Reviews
Customer ReviewsNo reviews exist for this item....
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3004 Sgt Pepper Ct has a Walk Score of 15 out of 100. This location is a Car-Dependent neighborhood so almost all errands require a car.
This location is in the Southwest Raleigh neighborhood in Raleigh. Nearby parks include Carolina Pines Park, Fema-Hmgp Phase 1 (2817 Avent Ferry Rd) and Carolina Pines Park.
The closest grocery stores are Food Lion of Raleigh, Food Lion and Interfaith Food Shuttle Raleigh.
Nearby restaurants include China Wok, Checkers Pizza & Subs and Mega Bite Pizza.
3004 Sgt Pepper Ct is near North Carolina State University - Raleigh, Shaw University and Meredith College.
There are minimal bike lanes and the terrain is mostly flat. 3004 Sgt Pepper Ct is somewhat bikeable, there is minimal bike infrastructure.


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Follow the results of the MUT Council meeting at this year's USATF National Convention on twitter
Dec 3rd
VIRGINA BEACH, VA – The 2010 USATF National Convention is underway with the USATF Mountain/Ultra/Trail (MUT) Council meetings occurring on Friday and Saturday 12/3 & 12/4. Learn about the results of the meeting including awarding of all of the MUT championships by following us on our twitter feed at www.twitter.com/usmrt.
USATF Mountain Ultra Trail Council Announces Runners of the Year
Nov 24th
Indianapolis, IN —- The Mountain/Ultra/Trail running (MUT) council of long distance running has named the 2010 USATF Mountain Runners of the year, Ultra Runners of the Year, Trail Championship Series winners, and Contributor of the Year. The following individuals will be recognized at the USATF National Convention in Virginia Beach, VA, on Saturday, December 4, at an awards breakfast.
Mountain men open: Joseph Gray, 26, Lakewood, WA, wins his third consecutive USATF Mountain Runner of the Year title. Gray was the top U.S. finisher (10th overall) at this year's World Mountain Running Championships to lead the men to their best-ever finish with a More >
Former Team Member Chris Lundy wins PA Cross Country Meet Masters Title
Nov 23rd
Courtesy of National Masters News
Livingston & Lundy Dominate PA CC Meet Pacific Association USATF Cross Country Championships San Francisco, California, November 21st This association meet also serves as the Western Regional and brings the best distance runners in the Golden State together. The course was muddy and the weather alternated between drizzle and sun with some wind. The men's race covered 6.1 miles and the battle for the top spot was really a two mile race. Mike Livingston, 45, of the Asics Aggies and Andy DiConti, 48, Compex Racing ran together during the first two mile loop. Then Livingston began More >
Past Mountain Team Members Benford & York to compete at NCAA XC Champs
Nov 20th
Andrew Benford, a member of the 2009 US Mountain Running Men's Team and 2008 Junior Team, and Chris York, a member of the 2010 Junior Team, will be competing for the University of Richmond Spiders at the 2010 NCAA Division I Cross Country Championships this Monday in Terra Haute, IN.
Read the whole story about the team at the Spiders' website.
2010 Junior Team Member Hannah Jumper leads Baylor to victory at Tennessee XC Championships
Nov 6th
Hannah Jumper, a senior at the Baylor School, led her team to victory today at the TSSAA State Cross Country Championships. Jumper finished the 5K course in a time of 18:20, six seconds ahead of teammate Tenley Godfrey. Baylor took the top 4 spots in the race with their 5th scorer finishing in 10th place. All seven Baylor runners finished in the top 22 in the race.
Hannah was a member of the 2010 Junior US Mountain Running Team that raced in September in Kamnik, Slovenia.
Complete results for the race can be found here.
2010 Team Member Max King to Defend Trail Marathon Title
Nov 2nd
Posted by Richard.Bolt in News
Ashland, Oregon, November 1, 2010 – Entries have begun to pour in for the 3rd annual Lithia Loop Trail Marathon. For the second straight year this race doubles as the USA Trail Marathon Championship with 6,000 dollars in prize money to be awarded to the top 5 open male and female competitors as well as the top 3 male and female masters finishers.
The race is run on a mixture of trail and dirt road with 2 miles of pavement that sends as well as welcomes runners through beautiful Lithia Park located in downtown Ashland, Oregon. There are 6 fully stocked More >
2010 Junior Team Member Cody Wells 6th at WCC Cross Country Championships
Oct 30th
Cody Wells, a member of the 2010 US Junior Mountain Running Team, finished 6th overall today at the West Coast Conference XC Championships, finishing the 8K race in a time of 25:17. Cody was the 3rd place scorer for the University of Portland, who won the championship with 36 team points, edging out San Francisco, who had 43 team points.
Complete results can be found here at the prTrack website.
Past US Mountain Running Team Members York and Benford part of U of Richmond Atlantic 10 Conference championship team
Oct 30th
Andrew Benford, a member of past junior and senior 2009 US Mountain Running Team, and Chris York, who competed for the US Junior Mountain Running Team in Slovenia this past September, were part of the University of Richmond team which won today's Atlantic 10 Conference meet. Benford won the men's 8K race in a time of 24:12 and sophomore York finished 40th in a time of 25:41. The team scored 51 points to take the overall title.
Read the complete story and see results here at the Atlantic 10 Conference site.More >
2010 Team Member Max King runs 2:15:34 at Baltimore Marathon
Oct 18th
Posted by paul.kirsch in News
Battling strong headwinds in the second half of the course, 2010 US Mountain Running Team member Max King ran an impressive 2:15:34 at the Under Armour Baltimore Marathon to finish in 6th place overall and as top American. King has had an impressive year with multiple victories as well as finishing in 16th place at the World Mountain Running Championships in Slovenia in September.
For complete details about the Marathon see the Running USA website
2010 Team Member Rickey Gates heads to South Pole
Oct 16th
Although not really a team story, I thought this was interesting enough to repost as other fans of the Mountain Team might find it interesting. Rickey Gates, a multi-time member of the US Mountain Running Team, has started a 4 month stint working at The South Pole. Follow the link below to read about his travels


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Musiq Soulchild popped by Maggiano's in Buckhead today to chat with a table of media folks about his upcoming album, "Musiqinthemagiq" (try typing that one five times in a row).
Sharply dressed in a three-piece gray suit, plaid tie and omnipresent tinted glasses, the Atlanta transplant said he's been digging the vibe of the city since moving here from Philadelphia three years ago.
"I love the people and the energy. It reminds me of Philly. There's a lot of trendsetting things that happen in Atlanta," he said.
While he doesn't think that being in the Hip-Hop of the South has altered his overall sound, he did acknowledge that "Radio," from 2008's "onmyradio" album, was a valentine to the city.
"I got bit by the Atlanta bug and that song just came out," he said, noting that when he first moved, some peers asked if he considered the Atlanta sound "real" music.
"That [song] was my way of saying, I ain't got no
Continue reading Musiq Soulchild talks about the magic in upcoming CD »


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AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- Texas junior Marquise Goodwin, the current U.S. long jump champion, withdrew from the Texas Relays on Saturday with school officials citing an unspecified injury.
Track coach Bubba Thornton refused to provide details on the injury or when it happened, but noted he wanted Goodwin to get well in time for the Big 12 championships in May. The Olympic trials begin June 22.
Goodwin ran in the 100 meter preliminaries on Friday but had a poor race and did not make the final. He was supposed to compete in the 400 relay and the long jump on Saturday. Goodwin was pulled from the relay team and school officials announced he was out of the meet about an hour before the long jump started.
Goodwin was the NCAA champion in 2010.


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Regular Updates
July 22, 2014 By Kyle Chowning Leave a Comment
For those of you who are looking for regular updates on Charysse Hesse's brain tumor journey, we have moved them to a private Facebook page. You are welcome to request access, but we are only granting access to those who have a direct connection to her or the family. Thanks for your prayers and support. … [Continue Reading...]
Recycling our health
July 17, 2009 By Charysse Leave a Comment
An article recently came out about how researchers from a 'green' chemistry center have found a way to recover a chemical called polyvinyl-alcohol (PVA). It is a compound that is used in the television industry and is a key element of television sets with liquid crystal display (LCD) technology. These green conscious scientists are worried about the heavy burden of having to manage all of the potential waste of thrown out television sets by … [Continue Reading...]
Day 2
February 25, 2011 By Kyle Chowning 14 Comments
its been a relatively quiet day today, as I'm sure you've noticed by the lack of updates. Here's a quick update: Charysse was moved out of ICU and into her own room tonight around 5pm PT. She's reporting that she's had no visual effects from the surgery. That's a miracle! She's already asking if she can go home. At this point, she'll have to wait until Sunday. Finally, she's adamently against pictures being posted of her, so you'll … [Continue Reading...]
I've been thinking…
July 28, 2010 By Charysse 1 Comment
I love to write, but I don't love to write everyday on a blog about random thoughts, daily happenings, etc. So this site seems to be severely neglected, but my research about these tumors and ways to treat them is quite the contrary. I am often looking for new news and information that I can arm myself with to fight this tumor. Yesterday a news article came out about how brain tumor patients can starve their tumor. I love these news … [Continue Reading...]
To God Be the Glory!
March 18, 2012 By Charysse 5 Comments
I will mention first, because I'm sure that is why most of you are here, that God has once again performed the miraculous! My tumor has decreased in size and is showing signs of becoming less aggressive in a couple of locations since the last scan in December. This is only the hand of God! I am truly humbled by His grace, realizing where I was exactly a year ago right now, wondering what life would be, if any, a year later after the grim news they handed me after my fourth brain surgery. Yes, Jesus loves me!
But, I have to tell you that this isn't what has me smiling so much, lately. It's been a very turbulent year for me. I've blogged about that a bit. The area that this tumor has now moved into is responsible for a lot of critical functions, which is why they can't remove all of it. One thing that I have really struggled with that is extremely uncharacteristic of me, is my motivation level. It doesn't help that I don't have a job, so I'm not jumping out of bed every morning running off to a structured day. It hit me not long ago as I was thinking about the person that I've become over this past year and how I can change the things that I don't like about that person, that my Radiation Oncologist and I had a conversation about what kind of side effects I would be dealing with as a result of the very large radiation bed in my brain that he hit for 6 weeks last year. "Charysse, your 'get up and go is going to be gone'." Wow, he wasn't kidding. Before I remembered that, we were thinking that maybe I was having depression issues as a result of being on 4 seizure medications. I just wasn't me and I didn't have the energy or will power to want to change that.
Until one day…
God reminded me that I was trying to find my "wholeness" in all the wrong things. I know why He's given me this trial. So much like Paul, I think He's given it to me to keep me humble. If I'm feeling well, I easily get wrapped up in my own plans and in my own dreams and ambitions and suddenly the world around me gets blurry. But I'm to a place, now, where my health has been impacted so much by this cancer that I'll probably never get back to the whole person that I once was. I think I expected to breeze through this last surgery and the ensuing radiation and then get back to the person I was prior to surgery. C'mon, Charysse. Four brain surgeries? Do you see the dropping jaws of the poor MRI techs that see your scans for the first time?
A few days ago, I came across this scripture:
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith ; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen" Ephesians 3:14-21
It was such a good reminder for me that my fullness, wholeness and ultimate contentment will be found only in God alone. This trial is so hard, but friends, I love this trial. God is always so faithful to steer me back on the path, which ultimately leads to blessings that seem so undeserved. He is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think….and He did! But more importantly, He reminded me that this trial isn't about me. It's about a lot of you, and probably a lot of people I'll never meet. There is so much peace and joy in that, and I'm so thankful for his gentle reminder of that.
to God Be the glory!
January 9, 2012 By Charysse 7 Comments
The holidays have come and gone and we're pushing into January! I'm so glad! It's been a great past couple of months, but it's been an emotional time. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on where we were a year ago at this time and with that has come so many mixed emotions; swinging from gratefulness to sadness, from fear to joy, pretty much all over the place! We're coming up to the date of when we flew down to UCLA and found out that I would be having surgery #4. Because the main health "events" occurred back in the Fall, already, at this time last year, the holidays last year were really overshadowed by everything going on with my health and preparing for surgery, that I really feel like the kids missed out on a lot of things because of it. It's not like I didn't do a lot of things with them, but my heart, mind and soul were all elsewhere so much of the time. They were aching in constant fear of the unknown that was about to transpire a short amount of time later. It consumed me. I allowed the Enemy to win, and it makes me sick when I think back at my behavior last year at this time. Just. sick.
This year, I wanted to make sure that I was one fully present parent! I was going to be present in everything; class parties, class mom, field trips, Christmas shopping while driving ALONE. I wanted to sit on the couch with one kid on each side of me and watch Christmas movies and eat way too many Christmas cookies, everything my crappy attitude took away last year! I asked the boys what they wanted to do, and we did maybe about ten percent of what they came up with (the other 90 was pretty much ridiculous). They really just wanted to work with daddy a lot of the time at the dairy on the break, so they spent a good deal of time doing that, which was great for me! Kid free shopping (aka DFS). Usually by the night of Christmas, I am ready to take down all of the Christmas decorations and put everything away because I can't wait for everything to be back in it's rightful place. This year, though, we kept it up for a few days longer. We watched Christmas movies for a few more days, and daddy came home with Christmas presents a couple more times. It was such a sweet time with my boys. I cherished every moment of their break. I drank it all in because last year, I allowed my horrid attitude to make me take it all for granted, and I am one of the last people I know that should be taking even one tiny thing for granted when it comes to time with these precious boys God has blessed me with.
I did sneak in a MRI at the beginning of December, as we're now doing those every 8 weeks, rather than every 3 months. UCLA said that the scan was stable compared to the prior. Praise the Lord! The local radiologist wasn't so optimistic about one area in the resection cavity not possibly becoming new tumor. I mention this, not as new news, but as a prayer request before this next scan, that this spot will clear up and go away! it has been there on the past three scans and keeps getting a little bigger and brighter in contrast. It could be scar tissue or it could be tumor. We don't know until we just wait and watch what it does. The rest of the areas of tumor all remained stable, though, so I am so blessed for that!
I will have another scan in the beginning of February. I am currently weaning off of some seizure medications, which is absolutely fantastic! I'm down from four to just Keppra and Topamax. My neurologist is wanting me to add in another, which is sitting on my counter. We're having a stare down. Weight gain is a main side effect, so I'm not too thrilled about that, but I must say it's better than a grand mal seizure! I haven't had one of those since October of 2010, which is just absolutely amazing, considering I was having at least one every couple of months. I have to say, the best part of my life, maybe even better than feeling well, is being able to drive!!! It's something that most of us take for granted, just to be able to jump into our car and run out and go somewhere. A lot of people can't do that! I wasn't able to do that for SO many months at a time, multiple times. I am now the cheesy mom who is driving up the driveway into the school parking lot with sparkling teeth waving at her children because she's so excited to be there picking them up.
Yep, that's me! I cannot be more proud and more humbled at the same time!
God is so good.
Signed, sealed and delivered 2 times. UCLA finally chimes in…
October 30, 2011 By Charysse 1 Comment
Half of my cancer battle is fighting the cancer. The other half, it seems, is getting my scans down to UCLA for them to review and tell me their recommendations!
I recently had my 3 month follow up scan on October 6th. We found out the results from the local hospital only a couple of days later, but as mentioned in prior posts, we always wait to share any news until we hear from UCLA. They are our "final answer" people, so when we hear from them, then we'll share with family, friends, etc. My scan was delivered to UCLA on a Tuesday, exactly five days after I had it done here in Oregon. Perfect. They would be able to review it at tumor board on Wednesday. I would have my scan, a local radiology report and UCLA's opinion all within a week. BAM! I finally had this baby down to a science, as I should after 8 years! The great thing was that, yes, it was delivered. The not so great thing was that nobody had any clue *where* it was delivered. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking allowing the shipping lady to choose my method of shipping, which was Priority Mail, but nev-uh again. The second round went to FedEx and of course it arrived by 10:30 Tuesday morning.
Drumroll please…..my tumor continues to shrink!!! I was able to quickly talk to Dr.Liau the other day as she was walking out the door for surgery. She said the part that is getting smaller is shrinking away from critical areas, which is great news! My tumor that is left is around areas of the brain stem, which controls most vital functions in the body. Because it's shrinking away, she said that if/when there is more growth, that another surgery is an option and she might be able to get more of that tumor out. The idea of surgery #5 is just overwhelming at this point, but probably because the numerous complications of #4 are still just a bit too fresh for all of us. She also said, though, that she'll never be able to get all of my tumor out. There is more tumor, not attached to this main tumor, that is into brain that she just can't touch.
She was really surprised to find out that I haven't been doing any treatment since radiation. They made it so clear before and after surgery that radiation was only going to possibly slow or stunt the growth of this tumor, but not shrink it. NOT SHRINK IT! I'm pretty sure I asked her that question and threw her answer back at her at least ten times as my reasoning for not wanting to pull out the radiation card, yet, when they wanted me to do it back in 2008. Why would I do it if it won't get rid of it? Radiation is one of the only etiologies that has been linked to these brain tumors. At this point, she thinks it's best to watch and wait, getting a scan every 6-8 weeks. Dr. Cloughesy, my neuro-oncologist at UCLA wants me to be on a chemo called BCNU, not being comfortable with me having a high grade brain tumor hanging out in my noggin' that can explode at any time not being on treatment. I think I'm doped up enough on seizure drugs and will save the chemo for 'as needed'.
So, what have I been doing? I have an entire army of people bathing me in prayer on a daily basis! Really. This is so clearly God's hand controlling everything. It's medically not in their realm. They never see cases like this, they say! I have been hearing this out of their mouths for years, now.
How can this not be God's hand?
I think so, too.
So blessed.
More Fingerprints
October 3, 2011 By Charysse 3 Comments
One thing that is so nice about having cancer during this day and age is the internet. You can find easily find information, valuable resources and network with other people that relate with what you are going through. I love (and hate) reading people's blogs that are dealing with my same diagnosis. It can be so inspiring, but at the same time so devastating, especially when the ending doesn't turn out how anybody would have wanted it to. That's why it's especially frustrating when there are people like me who have a blog and don't keep it updated! I'm alive 8 years later post diagnosis! My story is so inspiring, because doctors say I have beaten the odds! What is wrong with me? People that don't know me and how I'm doing probably come back to my blog for an update and see that I haven't written on it for almost six months. If it was I looking for the update, I would want to hunt that person down to see if he/she was still alive. How did radiation go? What did UCLA say? Do you know I'm waiting on pins and needles to see how you're doing, because it gives me hope? (all things I've thought while following others' journeys).
Point taken.
Well, UCLA had some amazing news for me about my July scan! My surgery in February had split the one very large tumor into 3 very small tumors that all lie against different parts of the brainstem. She got as close as she could to those different areas without touching the brainstem, which is very impressive, as well as very disturbing to all of my other doctors who look at my scans. Anyways, one of the tumors had responded to the radiation therapy and is smaller in size! This is totally God's hand because they weren't expecting for the tumors to ever shrink in size because of the radiation. They were just hoping that the tumors would stop growing and remain stable. Also, when brain tumors do respond to radiation, it is uncommon for it to show up on a scan until at least 3-6 months down the road.
The summer flew by, of course. We were able to get away for a week camping with the boys in June in Hells Canyon. It was really good for us to spend some time away from life, as a family. The boys, especially Trent, were really feeling the impact of me going to the doctor and the hospital everyday for 6 weeks. He's so easygoing, so he just rolled with it, but I could see the emotional impact. He's young, but he could sense something was off when he had to go to grandma's house everyday for so long. One thing I've always been thankful for with this cancer journey is that it started when my kids were young enough to not know life any other way. Mommy has always been sick and has always had to go to the doctor/hospital frequently. Tyler was one when I was diagnosed. Trent was one when my tumor recurred.
This past year has by far been the most straining and stressful for our entire family. Being sick before the surgery and into the beginning of summer was a bit (too) much for everybody. What's that saying "Happy mom/wife, happy home"? Indeed. It was a really dark time, but God made His purpose known to me. I didn't like it, but He was gracious enough to show me why He was allowing me to go through it, which was comforting enough to keep me going.
We learned in July why I was feeling so ill through much of the Spring into Summer and were able to correct that (medication). Once we figured that out, I felt like me, again! I'm SO very thankful for that feeling!! I haven't felt like myself for about a year, now, since the domino of one piece of news after another last August into finally getting my meds adjusted recently. I am on rather large doses of not one, not two, but FOUR seizure medications!! Now you have to understand that almost all seizure medications have drowsiness and depression listed as the first 2 side effects, so finding the right combination of meds at the right doses (I was toxic on one) where I won't have seizures, but I still feel like ME has been a major accomplishment. This leads me to another amazing thing God has done in my life. I haven't had a grand mal seizure since I went into status epilepticus last October! I have simple partial seizures every now and then, but I've never gone this long without having a grand mal in the past 8 years since diagnosis. Except for those of you who have lost the privilege of driving, I can't even tell you how nice it is to be able to go somewhere whenever I want to, to pick up or drop off my kids at school or to even just run to the store without having to call somebody and ask for a ride. I have even gotten to the point where I can drive without fear, which is really amazing. When I drive now, I don't feel a rising panic when I see a flash of light, thinking that it's my seizure aura starting and that I need to pull over right away and call somebody.
God has blessed me abundantly this summer, and I'm humbled again as I reflect upon His fingerprints over the past year. I love doing that. I love seeing where He was ahead of me when it felt like He wasn't there.
I don't know what you're going through, but if it seems like God isn't there right now, look back over the past however long you need to and look for His fingerprints. See where He worked out situations that only He could have orchestrated, or ways that He protected, provided and proved Himself faithful. I promise you'll find them.
I feel like this post is just a Me, Me, Me, but there are so many great things that God has done for me, lately, and I wanted to fill you in on them. It has taken me so long to update my blog that it's already time for my 3 month scan! It will probably be the end of this or the beginning of next week. As always, thank you for your hugs, your faithful prayers, your cards, your continual love. We are continually grateful for each and every one of you!
Another roller coaster ride
April 30, 2011 By Charysse 20 Comments
I was watching a movie with Tyler the other night. I was on the laptop and only half paying attention to what the movie was really about, but I glanced over and noticed that he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and it took about one second for him to burst into sobs. The movie was harmless. It was about some animals ,but the animals belonged to a family that didn't have a mom.
"Mom, why would they make a movie where there wasn't a mom in it? It's not right. Why would they even think to do that?" He then proceeded to tell me how worried he is about me and it didn't take long before I grabbed him and was holding him tightly in my lap trying to be the strong parent and not show that I am constantly fearful of that scenario for our family, as well. The kids. Cancer is so much harder because of the kids. The thought of my kids not having both parents around growing up is so hard to swallow. Everybody keeps telling me to just trust, that God knows what He's doing, that His grace will bring us through. As a Christian, I know all of these things. I really do, and I believe them. But when we keep getting hammered with bad news, it's really hard to remain peaceful about the situation. It feels like there hasn't been any time to just relax and come up for air for so long now.
I've been having some complications since beginning radiation toward the beginning of April. They are just minor, mostly pain. Because the symptoms didn't start out as pain, but had actually progressed to that, my radiation oncologist decided it would be a good idea to do a MRI scan to see if there was something going on with the tumors that might be the source of the symptoms. The scan showed that one of the tumors is growing new fingers that have gone deeper behind the occipital lobe. The scan also showed several areas of enhancement that may or may not be new areas of tumor formation. My brain has also filled up with fluid and inflammation, once again, as it did before this last surgery. It's surprising that I'm not having more symptoms from that, but I'm on four seizure medications, so that is probably a good thing and may be what is keeping any seizure activity at bay.
At this point, they are remapping the radiation field to target the new area of tumor growth more heavily. It was already receiving some radiation, but not enough. The bummer of all of this is that more brain will have to get irradiated in addition to the extremely large amount that already is receiving it. Please pray, pray, PRAY that the new areas of enhancement are not tumor. These tumors have wheels and once they start producing satellite tumors like that, they are extremely hard to slow down and turn into freight trains. I'll be totally honest. I'm scared. I'm really scared. I need peace. My family needs so much healing and peace right now. These past several months have really taken a toll on everybody. We need rest.
Once radiation is over, which now won't be until June because of all of the delays, they will possibly have to install a shunt in my brain to drain out all of this accumulated fluid. My scan is being sent to UCLA and they will review it at tumor board, which meets on Wednesdays. I think the only new piece of information that may come from them is the possibility of starting chemo now, rather than waiting to see if radiation can control these tumors. Like I said, it's better to stay ahead of these tumors than to try and play catch up.
It is so obvious to me the lesson that God is teaching me over these past several months. Control. It's not about mine. I have none. All of the control I thought I had when it came to treatment and being able to keep this tumor in check with it through my research, etc., doesn't matter at this point. The tumors are growing. Nothing is stopping them. At this point, it seems that only He can. I think He wants it that way. Full submission. It's what it's all about, right? I'm so stubborn, but He has backed me into a corner. He's getting me to a place where it's becoming an easy choice to lay it down because that's all I can do.
I am so incredibly thankful for all of you who have been so faithful in praying for us. It is really the only thing that is getting us through this time. I could never have even dreamed what the next six months would hold after that big seizure I had last fall. We feel so often like there is no way we could be stretched more than we are at the moment and yet God continues to give us the strength and then, yes, stretches us some more. He is faithful, no doubt. But I believe that He is answering the prayers of so many like you. We have been so blessed by meals, cards, gifts, so much from so many friends and people we don't even know! I know so many of these people I speak of are reading this blog, so thank you! Thank you from the very depth of my heart! I wish I could hug each and every one of you!
Test results and the plan..
March 24, 2011 By Charysse 3 Comments
We got home yesterday from our trip to UCLA. I can't even begin to explain to you how thrilled I am to be done with that place for awhile. I'm so ready for life to just settle down and for us to find some sort of normal, whatever that may look like. I don't like that when Trent greets me in the morning, the first thing he asks me is what doctor am I going to that day. My kids are such troopers through all of this. I'm so thankful that I was diagnosed when Tyler was only one. This is all he's ever known and it's obviously all Trent has ever known, as well. It has never been as intense as it's been over the past 6 months, and that has definitely taken an obvious emotional toll on our family, but we're hoping that things will finally quiet down and we can just focus on being a family and enjoying our time together, rather than upcoming surgeries and trips to doctors, etc.
This past month, since I've been home from surgery has been extremely rough for me. What I thought would only be a couple of weeks of just taking it easy and healing from surgery turned into a month of not feeling well at all and not knowing why for most of it. After going to a few doctors, Dr. Liau suggested that I go see an ENT to check out my sinuses. We figured out that I picked up a sinus infection, probably before surgery already, and didn't know it. The surgery added fuel to the fire and I now have a very large infection that we're having a hard time clearing up. In hindsight, there were definitely early symptoms, but when you're recovering from brain surgery in the same area as the infection, it's hard to know what is causing the symptoms. Unfortunately, I waited too long to get it treated and now have a mess going on in my head. I had a CT of my sinuses done and if the infection doesn't clear out in a couple of weeks, then I will have to have surgery to clear out the infection because I'm high risk. The infection is sitting right next to my surgery site. We think the infection may be what is causing all of this numbness that is still on the right side of my face. The ENT thinks the infection is pushing on the maxillary nerve, so it's probably not a permanent thing. Love that! So needless to say, that has been beyond frustrating to not be feeling well at all for so long, and it's not because of the surgery! I'm feeling great with all things surgery related!! I'm on a heavy antibiotic and praying that it clears this thing up because I'm good on the surgery thing for now, thanks.
I finally received pathology news this week from my surgeon. The tumor has indeed upgraded to a high grade tumor. It's not a grade 4, but a grade 3. The official diagnosis is an Anaplastic Oligoastrocytoma. I can't say that I'm too disappointed that it has upgraded. I fully expected that it had, given the rapid amount of growth in such a short period of time. The growth was so extreme that it seemed almost impossible that the tumor wouldn't be a grade 4. A grade 4 is a Glioblastoma Multiforme, one of the most devastating diagnosis in the world of cancer. Very fast, very aggressive and very lethal. I am so inredibly thankful that one of those is not hanging out in my noggin. I am now only one grade below that, though, so the harder part of the battle has now begun. There are two pieces of tumor left that are too close to eloquent parts of the brain for Dr. Liau to have been able to remove them safely. One is close to the Thalamus, which is where she left it during the last surgery, and the other is next to the Basal Ganglia.
We were in California for only 24 hours on this trip. We wanted to get in and get out, and so we did! We first met with Dr. Selch. He is the radiation oncologist at UCLA. He explained what would need to get radiated and what the side effects might be. Because the area where the tumor was/is, is quite large now, a very large portion of the right side of my brain will be irradiated. That is a bummer. The guaranteed side effect will be that I will lose my hair at the site where the beams go into my head. Will the hair grow back? There is a 50/50 chance that it will. Yeesh. The other most common side effect during treatment is fatigue, but not everybody experiences that. I'm still working with Greg, my naturopath, doing naturopathic treatments immediately when I got home from surgery. There are many ways to offset this fatigue naturally, diet being a big one, so we have a plan. The long term side effects of radiating this part of the brain are short term memory loss, which I'm already accused of (: It can also have an effect on emotions. I'm not sure in which way, but I guess we'll find out! They are irradiating the hippocampus, the limbic system, so many crucial structures to my everyday functioning, so there will most likely be deficits that may be a little frustrating down the road. It's one of the big bummers of brain cancer. You're messing with a part of the body that controls every aspect of your entire body. Everything they do in there is affecting something else in another area of my body. These deficits from radiation usually don't rear their ugly head until several months or maybe even years down the road. Thankfully the brain is extremely neuroplastic and there are many software programs that have been developed to help with regaining short term memory, etc. Where there's a will, there's a way. This girl has will.
They did some genetic testing on my tumor, as well. Based on certain genetic mutations, they can predict how well a tumor will respond to radiation or chemotherapy. It's not an exact science because based on the testing from my surgery three years ago, my tumor should have responded well to chemo, but didn't. The test on my tumor showed that I have the IDH1 mutation. This genetic mutation has shown to be associated with a better prognosis and has been shown to have a better response to radiation. We pray that is true.
We also met with Dr. Cloughesy, a neuro-oncologist. He is amazing. He is so warm and personable, much like Dr. Liau. I feel like I'm in extremely good hands with him overseeing my local treatment. Based upon the pathology of my tumor, he has decided that chemo is not a good option for me right now. He doesn't think that my tumor will respond to it, so we'll save that as an option for down the road. We already tried Temodar, which is just a pill and a mild chemo, but is the first choice for brain cancer, no matter the grade. It did not work for me, so the next chemo that would be coming my way, if necessary, will be the IV heavier stuff. I'm so thankful that time is not right now. I'm ready for a break from heavy stuff! (:
So that is hopefully the end of many months of chaos. I'll probably start radiation the first week of April. It will go for 6 1/2 weeks everyday. We are so incredibly thankful for all of the prayers and support from all of you during this time. We have felt it all throughout each day. I can easily say that these past six months have been the most trying months of my life. It has just been one thing after another for such a long period of time. There have been so many blessings through it, but geez. Enough, already!
Thank you, thank you for your prayers, your cards, your phone calls, for all the different ways that you have loved on us and supported us through this time. We feel so blessed to be loved by so many!
No rest for the weary!
March 3, 2011 By Charysse 1 Comment
I received an email from Dr. Liau and there was not any additional pathology available this week from my surgery, so they will bring my case up next Wednesday at tumor board to see if there is more information. This is what I do know, though. At this point, we will be flying back down to UCLA in a couple of weeks to meet with a couple of new doctors. Up until this point, my only doctor at UCLA has been Dr. Liau, who is my surgeon. I have not done radiation, yet, for said reasons, but they are wanting that to be the next step no matter the final pathology. Because radiation is everyday for six weeks, I will obviously be doing that here locally in Salem. I will fly down to meet with Dr. Michael Selch, who is a radiation oncologist that specializes in brain tumors. He will then be able to coordinate and oversee my local treatment here in Salem. When radiating the body, there are multiple variables that are involved in calculating how much of the tissue to radiate, how many rads to throw at it, etc. I want to make sure we're all on the same page here before I do this!
I will also meet with Dr. Timothy Cloughesy. He is a neuro-oncologist, and an amazing one from what I have heard and read over the years. He will work with my local oncologist. I found out that the genetic testing on my tumor that I had mentioned in my previous blog is only being done to decide now on the chemotherapy that will be used later, when/if it is needed. There are several different chemothefrapies out there, now. It's not fool proof by any stretch, but they are finding ways to test cancer cells ahead of time and anticipate which drug they will most likely respond or not respond to. This limits the pain and misery of the common cancer shotgun approach, which is great!
So at this point, it's looking like radiation won't get going until the beginning of April, which is fine with me! They originally wanted to start in a couple of weeks. The thought of them radiating this noggin right now just makes it hurt all the more!
Another one down…
March 1, 2011 By Charysse 6 Comments
I know I wasn't very diligent about keeping anybody updated while I was down south. It was killing me, but the biggest reason was that my pain factor is quite a bit more significant with this surgery than it has been with any of the past surgeries. I was able to jabber a little bit with Facebook, but much more than that felt like more effort than I was capable of. These surgeries have been getting so easy to bounce back from that I'm trying really hard to not get really frustrated by this limitation.
But, wow, what a whiner! GOD WAS SO FAITHFUL THIS WEEK! So incredibly faithful. I ask myself this all the time: why do I ever doubt? My worries and fears coming into this surgery that have all been expressed in previous blogs were all covered. They were ALL covered! Dr. Liau wasn't able to remove all of the tumor, but we knew she wouldn't going into this, so I can't say this was ever a fear. My vision!! There was rather significant swelling in my brain when she did surgery, so there is probably a similar amount of swelling now, which is always common after any surgeries. This swelling and the tumor was pressing on my optic nerves creating several visual symptoms that have been going on for a couple of years now. Two of those symptoms have already resolved! At this point, the vision that she said would most certainly be damaged does not appear to be any different. It's not something that might not show up down the road when there is healing and scar tissue buildup, but right now I'm really trying to just hold on and claim God's protection of that vision during surgery, that He spared it. It may seem silly, because in the grand scheme of things, I am dealing with brain cancer, but the idea of losing so much vision in one eye was bothering more than anything coming into another surgery. It has some significant long term implications if it limits that vision. I consider this a miracle!
The other amazing answer to prayer is that this tumor appears to be mostly low grade at this point. With the sudden shock we received recently that the tumor we thought had only subtly grown over the last three years had really tripled in size and now showed hot spots, it only seemed inevitable that news would come that it was aggressive. We're still waiting for final pathology, which should come this week, but the fact that she had so many tissue samples tested during surgery that were consistent with low grade is very encouraging.
I can never just pass over lightly God's protection through these surgeries. It's brain surgery. It was a very long surgery and I am home and feeling pretty well, already. I was doing pre-op appointments only a short week ago, although it seems much longer than that!
Now that I'm home, I'm enjoying reflecting on this past week and seeing God's hand in the events of the week. Oh, how I wish that everybody could go through experiences in life where it puts them in a place that allows them to reflect and relish in God's goodness. Not that I want you to go through brain surgery, but it's a beautiful thing to be in a position where you are constantly looking at how God is working out details in your life. I may only be in my 34th year of life, but I feel like He has allowed me to live so much more life than that, already, and I have to say I'm so thankful for it. I'm thankful for the depth of maturity that I've been able/forced to acquire because of it.
Our usual routine on our way down to UCLA is to visit Marvin's family in northern California. It's a great way to see everybody and the by far our biggest blessing has always been the opportunity to spend a little bit of time with his Grandpa and Grandma Visser, who are Marvin's mom's parents. I was originally scheduled to have surgery on February 17th. We all came down with the flu, so the surgery was postponed a week. If the surgery would have stayed on schedule, we would have been able to see Grandpa one last time. By the time we had traveled down that way, he had what we thought was a really bad infection and decided not to stop in for fear of me getting sick. Only a few days later, Grandpa passed away. It was sad that we weren't able to see him one last time, but since we were down in California, Marvin was able to go to the funeral, which was such a blessing for him and for his family! So not only was he able to honor his grandpa by being there for his funeral, but he was also able to see his entire extended family because his crazy huge family had all flown in for it. I had just gotten out of surgery 40 hours earlier, so I opted to stay behind and rest (: The timing couldn't have been better. Not that I wanted to postpone the surgery one second longer than it had to be, but I have to say that I am thrilled that it was because of this. Marvin's uncle is a pastor and performed the service. He spoke about God's fingerprints in grandpa's life, and that is exactly how I would describe this. He had it all worked out. There was a reason we got sick. I'm content with this being it!
Dr. Liau is supposed to get back to me in the next day or two with the pathology of the whole tumor and the recommendations of the tumor board for what I should do next. At this point, they seem to be really pushing radiation. They will be doing some genetic testing on my tumor, though. They are able to tell whether my tumor will be more sensitive to chemo or radiation depending on the results of this testing. I will post the updated information of what life will look like over the next few months when I get it.
Meanwhile, I just want to say thank you so incredibly much for your constant outpouring of support to us! We have been overwhelmed with love and it is really carrying us through some trying times. This surgery has just felt different in so many ways. It has been a lot harder and so we are so thankful for all of you that have been constantly encouraging us with cards, notes, emails, phone calls….everything! Thank you for loving on my family. I've always said that it has to be so much easier being the patient than the family member. My husband is incredible! My kids are troopers! Thank you for taking care of them, as well.
I'll be back with deets soon. Really, this time. (-;
Day 2
February 25, 2011 By Kyle Chowning 14 Comments
its been a relatively quiet day today, as I'm sure you've noticed by the lack of updates. Here's a quick update:
- Charysse was moved out of ICU and into her own room tonight around 5pm PT.
- She's reporting that she's had no visual effects from the surgery. That's a miracle!
- She's already asking if she can go home. At this point, she'll have to wait until Sunday.
- Finally, she's adamently against pictures being posted of her, so you'll have to settle for a written description: imagine her with one of those stellar hospital gowns, her head wrapped in gauze, add a dose of wit and some pain from the surgery, and that's what we see
Tomorrow, I head back to be with my family so I'll be passing the updates back to Charysse, who will be ready to run a marathon, I'm sure.
Goodnight from UCLA
February 24, 2011 By Charysse 27 Comments
We finally got to go into the ICU to see Charysse.
It didn't take long for her snarky side to come out. About a minute after we got there, someone said something and she corrected their grammar. Attagirl.
She's in a lot of pain—who wouldn't be after getting a craniotomy—but they are working to get ahead of it.
I didn't get to stay long as they only allow two visitors in the room with her at a time: Marvin and mom deserve that privilege.
Tonight, we will rest and return to be with our girl tomorrow. We are so proud of who she is, her will to fight, to beat this thing, and for her brave spirit to undergo a FOURTH craniotomy. I know you all are proud too.
We can't say thank you enough. Please don't let the repetition weaken the sincerity.
Goodnight from UCLA.
—Kyle (& mom, dad and Marvin)
PS. One of Charysse's greatest sources of encouragement are your comments. She reads every single one of them. I invite you to be generous with them. They mean a lot to her and us.


text:
Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Memories That Haunt Me
Frank's House5 Reviews
Gerard and Mikey go meet up with Frank and Ray at Frank's house. More flashbacks...
Well I guess I am just going to have to deal with my iPod for now since I honestly don't feel like putting out all the money too get it fixed by people at Apple who have no fucking clue what they are doing...
Also, their is mild violence in this chapter so here's your warning....
Anyway! Here is the next long and awaited chapter! I hope you like it! (Sorry it took so long to update. I have been really busy.)
Gerard's POV
I looked around the house for Mikey. I was finally ready to leave. I found him sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. Of course. He is so predictable.
"Hey Mikes, mind making me a cup?"
He seemed so bothered to do so.
"Thanks! And when were done we can leave. I'm all ready."
I sat down to wait for my coffee. Maybe this would make me forget about what happened earlier. I guess not. Oh shit. Not again.
The boy is petrified. The man is holding a knife by the boys skin. The boy won't calm down and the man starts to cut the innocent child. He first starts with his legs. He makes small little cuts. Then he begins to make them deeper and deeper. As soon as he cuts deeper into his skin, the kid starts flipping out. He wont sit still and he is breathing really heavily. The man starts to become impatient and irritated with the boy when he starts screaming at the top of his lungs. He tries kicking the man in the chest to make him stop, but it only makes him angrier. The man puts tape over the boys mouth to shut him up. He is still trying to yell but it isn't nearly as loud as before. Then he continues to cut him. Now he starts cutting the child's arms. He is bleeding nonstop. Their is blood dripping down his legs onto his feet. Now his arms are bleeding and he has blood all over his hands. How did this kid get himself into this in the first place? He takes the blindfold off of the boy once he is done cutting his left arm to show him what he carved into his skin. It says "FAILURE." What is that supposed to mean? That is definitely going to leave a scar. The man puts the blindfold back over the boys eyes once he reads it and looks at his legs. He starts to cut something into his right arm. Th-......
"Gerard! Gee! Gee! GERARD ARTHUR WAY!!"
Mikey's shouting at me again. Oh joy.
"Gah! That's my ear you know!"
He rolls his eyes at me. Great brother huh?
"Another flashback?"
"Yup. And they keep getting creepier and creepier. And violent."
"Well drink your coffee and lets get going to Frank's. You need something to keep yourself occupied and not thinking about whatever that is you keep having. Besides Frank's probably getting pissed because were already a half an hour late. But I needed my coffee."
"Ok. Your right. Thanks Mikes. Let's go now. I'll bring my coffee with me. I don't want to piss off Frank anymore by being even later."
"Ok! Let me just grab my keys then we can get going. And by the way, he said he is going to order some pizza's later on."
We both got into the car. I put in one of me and Mikey's favorite Misfits CD's.
Just so you know, the Misfits suck ass in my opinion...
We were singing along like the weirdos we were. My phone was ringing. I turned down the music and answered it. It was Frank.
"What? Yeah... Were close... Blame it on Mikey... He had to have his coffee... Ok see you in a few minutes."
Frank and I decided to mess around with Mikey. We were texting earlier planning exactly what we were going to do.
"Mikey. Frank's pissed at you. You told him we would be there at 1:00 and now it's almost 2:00. He's said he is going to flip out on you when we get there! Your so dead!"
We just love to make him upset sometimes.
Mikey started to get red and really upset.
"I'm kidding Mikey. Jesus, calm down and pay attention to the road."
Oh how I love messing with him!
I'm picturing this in my head right now... HAHA!!!!
We pulled up to Frank's house and before we even got out of the car, he swung the door open and yelled both of our names out at the top of his lungs.
He was literally jumping up and down like a new puppy would. Frank hasnt changed one bit. He is still the crazy, short one who we all love. Frank was so excited we were all getting together again. Ever since tour had ended we hadn't seen each other that much and were missing each other. Especially Frank. Frank gave Mikey a call. Mikey called Ray. And Mikey told me. We all decided that we were going to meet up at Franks house today. I sure hope this would take my mind off of everything that has been happening to me lately... I could only hope at this point....
Mikey and I got out of the car and Frank practically tackled both of us to the ground. He threw himself into me and Mikey and gave us the biggest hug ever nearly strangling the two of us to death.
We walked inside to find Ray laying on the couch playing the Wii, eating a bag of potato chips. Of course. He definitely hasn't changed one bit.
"RAY! What's up man!?!?!?"
Mikey ran over to Ray giving him a huge hug. They have become really close over the years. All Mikey would do was talk about him. They went off and played the Wii and talked while me and Frank did our thing.
Were the closest of friends. You would think we were brothers. I decided to tell Frank about what had been happening to me lately. The flashbacks, dreams, and everything else. He seemed really surprised and shocked. He didnt make one sound the whole time I was explaining to him.
"Have you seen like a doctor or anyone about this?"
"No. I didn't feel the need to. But now they are getting kind of violent. Do you think I should?"
"HELL YEAH! Thats creepy man! And I dont think it's normal either. I mean, I know people dream, but just don't suddenly go into a phase and see shit."
"Good point. Maybe I'll call someone tomorrow."
"Good idea Gee. Now let's order some pizza. I'm starving!"
R&R please. Should I continue? Not sure....


text:
There's a TfL option we like and want to get behind!
Really positive development this week.
TfL have shown us 3 options for the railway station combination around the Old Oak Common (OOC) interchange. The good news is that there's 1 option which looks good to us for lots of reasons. The bad news is that we'll have to keep fighting to get this one accepted - their preferred option continues to be one that takes a big chunk out of the NW corner of the Scrubs.
The new option on the table is shown in the picture below. (Please note that TfL was OK for us to distribute these plans on the clear understanding that we'd make it quite clear that these are work-in-progress and that nothing is set in stone yet. Indeed, TfL are currently working to a timetable that has their preferred option defined and set by September 2014, in time for a possible HS2 House of Commons Committee hearing on the matter.)
The big headlines for this option are:
- There is no railway loop on the Scrubs anymore - which is our big NO in TfL's currently preferred option
- There are 2 stations linking HS2 to the London Overground network - one at OOC joining the North London Line, and one near the Car Giant site linking to the West London Line
Details include:
- People travelling from Richmond to Willesden would stop at the new OOC station shown on the left hand side of the picture before Willesden
- People travelling from Shepherd's Bush towards Kensal Rise would stop at the new station on the top right of the picture
- There would be no new track along the northern boundary of the Scrubs
- There are travelators of some sort linking these stations to the HS2 station
- The logistics and financing of this option might be much nicer than the others because the two stations could be built at different times and there is no new track laying involved.
SaveOurScrubs likes this option! And so should other stakeholders, we think.
Just as a reminder, here are the other options in the running.
First, the one we will continue to fight tooth and nail, TfL/GLA's currently preferred option:
You can see the orange line that is the loop that takes out the NW corner of the Scrubs, and that continues along the N boundary - the new track
And here is the option that was our preferred option before this new one turned up:
This option avoided the loop on the Scrubs - which is why we supported it. But it is less good than the 2 station solution because:
- it has a possibly major impact on Wells House Road and Shaftsbury Gardens and would therefore lead to a divergence in the interests of the Save our Scrubs campaign and other local groups
- It was not ideal from a transport perspective, because it required West London Line trains changing direction - increasing journey times.
OK, so are there any downsides to the 2 station option?
Not many, as far as we can see. The travelator from the HS2 stations to the West London Line station (on the top right) is long. But then that's nothing much new - airports sort this sort of thing out regularly. Also, the travelator will need to go up the hill and may be visible from the Scrubs. Our view is that you could make it a feature.
What are the next steps? Well … we continue to put pressure everywhere we can to make sure the viaduct & loop option gets nowhere. We also beat the drum about the 2 station solution and try to build a coalition around it.
Our goal is that by September 2014, this is TfL's/GLA's preferred option.