text: Sexual Assault Among Latinas (SALAS) Study, May-September 2008 [United States] (ICPSR 28142) Published: Oct 5, 2012 View help for published Cite this Study | Share this study Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on LinkedIn × Citation Cuevas, Carlos A., and Sabina, Chiara. Sexual Assault Among Latinas (SALAS) Study, May-September 2008 [United States]. Ann Arbor, MI: Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research [distributor], 2012-10-05. https://doi.org/10.3886/ICPSR28142.v1 Export Citation: RIS (generic format for RefWorks, EndNote, etc.) EndNote Principal Investigator(s): View help for Principal Investigator(s) Carlos A. Cuevas, Northeastern University; Chiara Sabina, Pennsylvania State University-Harrisburg https://doi.org/10.3886/ICPSR28142.v1 Version V1 Analyze Online Slide tabs to view more At A Glance Data & Documentation Variables Publications Export Metadata Staff Project Description Summary View help for Summary This Sexual Assault Among Latinas (SALAS) study was designed to examine interpersonal victimization among a national sample of Latino women, particularly focusing on help-seeking behaviors, culturally relevant factors, and psychosocial impacts. A national sample of 2,000 adult Latino women living in the United States participated in the study. An experienced survey research firm with specialization in doing surveys that ask about sensitive subjects conducted interviews between May 28, 2008 and September 3, 2008 using a Computer Assisted Telephone Interview (CATI) system. The data contain a total of 1,388 variables including demographics, victimization history, help-seeking efforts, mental health status, and religious behavior and beliefs variables. Citation View help for Citation Cuevas, Carlos A., and Sabina, Chiara. Sexual Assault Among Latinas (SALAS) Study, May-September 2008 [United States]. Ann Arbor, MI: Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research [distributor], 2012-10-05. https://doi.org/10.3886/ICPSR28142.v1 Export Citation: RIS (generic format for RefWorks, EndNote, etc.) EndNote Funding View help for Funding United States Department of Justice. Office of Justice Programs. National Institute of Justice (2007-WG-BX-0051) Subject Terms View help for Subject Terms acculturation assault coping crime reporting gender roles Hispanic or Latino Americans kidnapping mental health post-traumatic stress disorder psychological effects psychological wellbeing rape reactions to crime religious behavior religious beliefs sex offenses sexual abuse sexual assault sexual harassment social issues stalking threats victim services victimization victims violence against women women Geographic Coverage View help for Geographic Coverage United States Smallest Geographic Unit View help for Smallest Geographic Unit county Restrictions View help for Restrictions Access to these data is restricted. Users interested in obtaining these data must complete a Restricted Data Use Agreement, specify the reasons for the request, and obtain IRB approval or notice of exemption for their research. Distributor(s) View help for Distributor(s) Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research Scope of Project Time Period(s) View help for Time Period(s) 2008-05-28 -- 2008-09-03 Date of Collection View help for Date of Collection 2008-05-28 -- 2008-09-03 Methodology Study Purpose View help for Study Purpose This study was designed to examine interpersonal victimization among a national sample of Latino women, particularly focusing on help-seeking behaviors, culturally relevant factors, and psychosocial impacts. More specifically, the researchers aimed to fulfill the following research goals: Determine the extent of sexual victimization amongst adult Latino females. Determine the coexistence of other forms of victimization among those sexually victimized. Examine formal service utilization among sexually victimized Latino women. Examine informal help-seeking among sexually victimized Latino women. Examine culturally-relevant factors associated with the experience of and responses to sexual violence. Determine the psychosocial impact of sexual victimization on Latino women. Study Design View help for Study Design A national sample of 2,000 adult Latino women living in the United States participated in the study. An experienced survey research firm with specialization in doing surveys that ask about sensitive subjects (e.g., interpersonal violence) conducted the interviews in either English or Spanish using a Computer Assisted Telephone Interview (CATI) system. The interviewers were specifically trained on the SALAS survey and closely supervised during the data collection process. Only female interviewers were used since previous surveys using this methodology showed that potential respondents were more likely to participate in the study if the interviewer is a woman. An initial attempt and four callbacks were made to reach a specific household, and then an additional three calls were made once a case was reached until final disposition was obtained (e.g., a completed survey or refusal). All calls were made between 5pm and 9pm during the weekdays, between 10am and 9pm on Saturdays, and 11am to 9pm on Sundays and all interviews were conducted between May 28, 2008 and September 3, 2008. Once a respondent was selected, they were read the informed consent and asked if they were willing to participate in the study. If they agreed to participate, they were interviewed at the current time or asked if they wished to be called back at a more convenient time. Before starting the survey questions, participants were given a code phrase to say ("OK, you're welcome") if they needed to suddenly end the call (e.g., due to safety or confidentiality concerns). Participants were then asked the various study instruments in the following order: questions about state of social issues, demographic information, acculturation, lifetime victimization, help-seeking behaviors for the event that took place in the United States that was most upsetting, religiosity, gender role ideology, psychological symptoms, and posttraumatic symptoms. Upon completion of the survey, participants were paid $10 for their participation Sample View help for Sample The study entrance criteria were that participants needed to be women over the age of 18 who self-identified as Latino (either foreign or United States born), and whose primary language was either English or Spanish. To generate a national sample of Latino women living in the United States, probability samples of households with landline telephones were constructed using a random digit dial method (RDD). For this project, the sample was drawn from telephone numbers stratified by Hispanic household density per hundred block. Of the 69,549 numbers dialed in total, 5,075 (7 percent) came from areas with 20 percent or lower Hispanic density, 4,398 (6 percent) were drawn from areas with 21 to 40 percent Hispanic density, 4,183 (6 percent) were drawn from areas with 41 to 60 percent Hispanic density, 3,953 (6 percent) were drawn from areas with 61 to 80 percent Hispanic density, and 51,940 (75 percent) were sampled from areas with 80 percent or higher Hispanic density. 38 percent of these cases sampled yielded working, non-business numbers, while 27 percent were screened out as numbers corresponding to non-Hispanic households or households with no Hispanic females. The selected houses were contacted between May 28, 2008 and September 3, 2008 by trained, female interviewers from an experienced survey research firm. Telephone numbers that yielded non-residential contacts such as businesses, churches, and college dormitories, were screened out. Only households, i.e., residences in which any number of related individuals or no more than five unrelated persons living together, were eligible for inclusion in the sample. If a residential household was reached, then the interviewer asked about the total number of age-eligible Latino females in the household. If there was only one eligible individual, that individual was asked to participate; if there was more than one eligible participant, then the "most recent/next birthday" method was used to decide which individual to interview. In the final sample of 2,000 Latino women, 16 (.8 percent) came from areas with 20 percent or lower Hispanic density, 42 (2 percent) came from areas with 21 to 40 percent Hispanic density, 41 (2 percent) came from areas with 41 to 60 percent Hispanic density, 111 (6 percent) came from areas with 61 to 80 percent Hispanic density and 1,790 (90 percent) came from areas with 80 percent or higher Hispanic density. Time Method View help for Time Method Cross-sectional Universe View help for Universe All adult Latino women, ages 18 years or older, living in the United States who had a landline phone in their household between May and September of 2008. Unit(s) of Observation View help for Unit(s) of Observation individual Data Source View help for Data Source Northeastern University, Sexual Assault Among Latinas Study (SALAS) Data Type(s) View help for Data Type(s) clinical data, survey data Mode of Data Collection View help for Mode of Data Collection computer-assisted telephone interview (CATI) Description of Variables View help for Description of Variables The data contain a total of 1,388 variables including demographics, state of social issues, victimization history, help-seeking efforts, mental health status, and religious behavior and beliefs variables. Regarding demographics, the dataset has questions on the participant's age, country of origin, citizenship status, preferred language, sexual orientation, education level, employment status, household income, housing status, and relationship status (e.g., married, single, etc). In addition, the data include questions that assess the degree to which participants view discrimination, violent crime, domestic violence, sexual assault and sexual harassment as problems in society. The survey also asks questions about stalking, physical assaults, weapon assaults, physical assaults in childhood, threats, threats with weapons, sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, sexual fondling, kidnapping, and witnessed victimization. Moreover, the data contain information on the actions taken by respondents following victimization, including formal (e.g., reporting to police, getting medical care, seeking legal remedies) and informal (e.g., talking to friends, family, or the clergy) forms of help-seeking. Lastly, the dataset includes variables on respondent religiosity/spirituality, acculturation and minority/majority cultural identities, sex role characteristics, psychological symptoms, and posttraumatic and trauma related symptomatology. Response Rates View help for Response Rates The minimum response rate for the sample was 30.7 percent and minimum cooperation rate was 53.7 percent. The refusal rate for the sample was 20.8 percent. Rate calculations were based on standard American Association for Public Opinion Research formulas. Presence of Common Scales View help for Presence of Common Scales State of Social Issues Questionnaire (SSIQ) was developed specifically for this survey to evaluate the participants' view of how much of a problem discrimination, violent crime, domestic violence, sexual assault and sexual harassment were in society. Lifetime Trauma and Victimization History (LTVH) was used to evaluate lifetime victimization using an adapted version of the Lifetime Trauma and Victimization History questionnaire. Help-Seeking Questionnaire (HSQ) was developed to investigate the actions taken by respondents after victimization. Brief Multidimensional Measure of Religiousness/Spirituality (BMMRS) was developed to measure religiosity. Brief Acculturation Rating Scale of Mexican-Americans-II (Brief ARSMA-II) was used to evaluate participant acculturation. Short Bem Sex Role Inventory (BSRI-Short Form) was used to measure sex-typed personality characteristics. Trauma Symptom Inventory (TSI) was used to assess trauma-related symptomatology. For this study, researchers used the Anxious Arousal, Depression, Anger/Irritability, and Dissociation scales of the TSI. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Checklist (PCL) was used to assess trauma-related symptomatology. Version(s) Original Release Date View help for Original Release Date 2012-09-24 Version Date View help for Version Date 2012-10-05 Version History View help for Version History 2018-02-15 The citation of this study may have changed due to the new version control system that has been implemented. The previous citation was: Cuevas, Carlos A., and Chiara Sabina. Sexual Assault Among Latinas (SALAS) Study, May-September 2008 [United States]. ICPSR28142-v1. Ann Arbor, MI: Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research [distributor], 2012-09-24. http://doi.org/10.3886/ICPSR28142.v1 2012-10-05 ICPSR staff updated the restictions information in the PDF codebook. 2012-09-24 ICPSR data undergo a confidentiality review and are altered when necessary to limit the risk of disclosure. ICPSR also routinely creates ready-to-go data files along with setups in the major statistical software formats as well as standard codebooks to accompany the data. In addition to these procedures, ICPSR performed the following processing steps for this data collection:Created variable labels and/or value labels.Checked for undocumented or out-of-range codes. Analysis Information Weight View help for Weight The weighting plan for the survey was a multi-stage sequential process of weighting the achieved sample to correct for sampling and non-sampling biases in the final sample. The first stage in the weighting process was to correct for selection procedures that yielded unequal probability of selection within sampled households. The first stage weight (WEIGHT1) is equal to the number of eligible respondents within the household. The next step in the weighting process was used to correct the achieved sample for disproportionate sampling by dividing the expected population distribution, based on Census projections, by the achieved sample distribution on the stratification variables. Specifically, the second stage weight corrected the sample to the cell distribution of the population for six age cohorts and nine household income ranges, using the Census Population Projections for Age, Sex and Race for 2007 and the American Community Survey for 2007 for household income projections. The final step in the weighting process was designed to correct for the fact that the total number of cases in the weighted sample was larger than the unweighted sample size because of the use of the number of eligibles weight. In order to avoid misinterpretation of sample size, the total number of cases in the unweighted sample was divided by the total number of cases in the weighted sample to yield a sample size weight. When this weight is applied, the size of the weighted sample is identical to the size of the unweighted sample. The final weight (WEIGHT12) incorporates all of the intermediate weighting steps described above. The final weight adjusts the total completed interviews in the achieved sample to correct for known sampling and participation biases, while maintaining the unweighted sample size. Notes These data are part of NACJD's Fast Track Release and are distributed as they were received from the data depositor. The files have been zipped by NACJD for release, but not checked or processed except for the removal of direct identifiers. Users should refer to the accompanying readme file for a brief description of the files available with this collection and consult the investigator(s) if further information is needed. The public-use data files in this collection are available for access by the general public. Access does not require affiliation with an ICPSR member institution. One or more files in this data collection have special restrictions. Restricted data files are not available for direct download from the website; click on the Restricted Data button to learn more. The citation of this study may have changed due to the new version control system that has been implemented. This dataset is maintained and distributed by the National Archive of Criminal Justice Data (NACJD), the criminal justice archive within ICPSR. NACJD is primarily sponsored by three agencies within the U.S. Department of Justice: the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice, and the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.


text:
A colourful multiplayer shape-matching game, with shapes that keep coming back!
Deko Bloko Features
Deko Bloko is a shape-matching game with a twist: every shape that you pop is cooked into a solid block and sent to your opponent! You'll be seeing plenty of weird shapes in multiplayer games and you'll have to work fast to get rid of them and send them on to someone else. This manic multiplayer game is made even more so when you have 8 players all together, fighting for first place, especially when you add power-ups into the mix as well!
There are also two single-player modes for getting on the Highscores - Stamina and Master Challenge - plus lots of colourful themes to unlock for all game modes.
1. What is shape feedback?
Shape feedback is to what extent the pieces you pop become solid. On shape feedback level 1, only the loose pieces you pop are sent to your opponent. On shape feedback level 2, the pieces you pop and any solid shapes they take with them are combined into one solid shape and sent on. On shape feedback level 3, even special items will send everything they destroy crashing towards your opponents.
2. How do I get more points in single-player?
Youll need to be sneaky and pile up pieces to detonate at the same time or in chains. You could also pile up shapes and pop them all with a special item. Try to work out strategies for each theme of the Master Challenge and youll soon be getting big points.
3. Why am I not receiving special items?
There are a number of reasons why you might not be receiving special items. You need to destroy two or more shapes at the same time to receive a special item. You don't start receiving special items in the Stamina and Master Challenge Modes until you've cleared a few themes - the game will inform you when you will be able to. In multiplayer, you need to be a member and enable special items on the game setup screen.
4. How can I win in multiplayer?
Consider letting pieces pile up before sending a whole bunch of solid shapes to the next player. Try to make unconventional solid shapes that will confuse and frustrate your opponent. Keep an eye on the other players and plan your moves accordingly.
5. What does Deko Bloko mean?
The name Deko Bloko is derived from the Japanese word 'dekoboko', meaning 'uneven' or 'rough', and the blocks that fall down in the game. Uneven is certainly an appropriate description for some of the solid shapes you'll see while playing. 'Dekoboko' is typically written phonetically in Japanese, but can also be written like this: .
6. What are the minimum specifications for this game?
The minimum specifications we recommend for this game are:
The recommended specifications for getting the most out of this game are:
Below is an explanation of the terms in our technical specifications.
Megahertz (MHz) / Gigahertz (GHz) is a measure of how fast your computer's processor is. This affects how quickly you can run things like games and applications.
Megabytes (MB) are used to measure how much memory your computer has. This affects how quickly your computer runs when using large programs such as games, or when you run a lot of programs at once.
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
I definitely didn't expect to find 2 (well technically 3) things that have been on my wish list for a very long time.
Do you guys do that? Make tons of lists? I do. I kind of have a list-making obsession. One list I have for home stuff. Sort of like a more long-term list of things that I want to keep my eyes open for. If you've been reading my recent posts, you may have seen me mention our foyer rug quite a bit. Or I should say rugs. I swear, it's different in every post. I've switched the rugs around in there more times than I can count. Mostly because it's a super high-traffic area (right at the bottom of our stairs) so it takes a very specific type of rug to actually work there. Waylon is the main issue. It either gets bunched and curled up (because he crashes into it and pushes off of it at the bottom of the stairs) non-slip rug pad and all, or matted looking because of the constant vacuuming (he sheds like crazy). So it takes a particular type of rug to work there. Check out my most recent rug post here.
So I needed something large (but not too large), something that wouldn't slide around, something that would hold up well, and something that actually looked nice.
Kind of a tall order. Oh and let's not forget how tough it is to actually find affordable larger rugs in the first place. I wasn't actively searching for one. Mostly because I've had zero luck. So I figured I'd just make do with what I had (which wasn't working very well) for a while until I eventually came across something that would work.
So Brad and I were at Target (I think shopping for pretty boring things like toilet paper and lightbulbs), and we passed through the rug aisle on the way to the home accessories (because I've always got to check it out to make sure I don't miss anything fab), and this baby was there...
It's called the Nate Berkus Arrowhead rug (5'x7') and was $149.99 (although it's on sale now, so I think I'm going to see if I can get a price adjustment in the next few days).
The size is perfect.
It's a wool/jute rug and feels like it will hold up really well in the space. You can even flip it over for a different look (it's the opposite colors on the back). The look is right, the material is right, and best of all, it's Waylon-friendly.
Because of the rougher texture, I think it's going to hold up really well. Because it is wool/jute, it's a little scratchy. So I definitely wouldn't recommend this in a living area or an area where kids would be playing on the floor or where you'd want a softer feel. However, in an entryway, it's pretty perfect.
As I mentioned before, Waylon's shedding forces us to vacuum daily. No joke. Black rugs are usually not conducive to light-colored pet hair, but I love how this one disguises it well.
This pic below is the rug right after being vacuumed. It has a natural, wooly texture with different lighter-colored fibers sort of woven throughout.
So even if there was some stray pet hair (or hundred), you wouldn't notice it.
I just can't get over how great it works here and for the size, I think I got a super great deal.
K, one more shot then we'll get on with the rest of my finds.
This one shows another point I forgot to mention... It ties in really well with the rug in the adjacent living room/my office. That was another difficulty in finding a rug. I didn't want one that was too plain, but I knew that it needed to sort of complement the neighboring rug that was so close by. This one doesn't compete at all. I just can't get over what a lucky find this was. The other rug is from Rugs USA.
So the next few things have been on my long-term list for, well, a long time. A few years ago, I was on the hunt for black lamp shades with gold lining on the inside to go with the lamps in the family room. Well I ended up finding a medium sized one from Target with silver lining, but no luck with the gold. Unless I wanted to pay an arm and a leg and order them from some specialty website.
So I think I audibly squealed or made some sort of embarrassing sound when I saw these right after finding the rug on the same Target trip. Best. day. ever.
Yep. Waylon hair. He's totally worth it though.
Since our family room is very light and bright, they added the perfect amount of contrast.
Hey, a Pretty Little Liars marathon was on all day. Don't judge.
So what do you guys think? Any amazing Target finds lately??
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The theme rounds (TG Code Gladiator) provided a stage for people like me, who love to design and create solutions, to present their ideas and solutions at the national level and compete with the brains from all over the country. TechGig provides a great platform to showcase your talent and compete with the best people.
Rajesh Gawas Scored a Double Victory in Code Gladiator 2016


text:
Capture your opponent's pieces in this classic two-player strategy game.
FunOrb Members' Benefits
Dominate the grid to achieve victory in this (completely free) modern interpretation of the old Jagex game Slime Wars. Clone or jump your pieces to capture your opponent's territory, in either hotseat or online multiplayer games. When you're ready, try some Rated games to earn Achievements and increase your ranking and position within the highscores.
1. When does a game end?
The game ends when one player either has no pieces remaining or cannot make a move, or when the board is full. The player with the most pieces on the board is then declared the winner.
2. Which player starts first?
The starting player is chosen randomly for the first match with a new opponent. In a rematch, the losing player from the previous game will be the starting player.
3. What happens when the time limit reaches zero?
Each player has a limited time in which to make their move. If the timer reaches zero, the current player forfeits the match. Turn time is one of the options that can be changed in the lobby, when setting up a game.
4. Any tips to improve my game?
Making the move that captures the most of your opponent's pieces is not always the best move to make. Try to anticipate what your opponent will do on their next move.
5. What are the minimum specifications for this game?
The minimum specifications we recommend for this game are:
The recommended specifications for getting the most out of this game are:
Below is an explanation of the terms in our technical specifications.
Megahertz (MHz) / Gigahertz (GHz) is a measure of how fast your computer's processor is. This affects how quickly you can run things like games and applications.
Megabytes (MB) are used to measure how much memory your computer has. This affects how quickly your computer runs when using large programs such as games, or when you run a lot of programs at once.
Click here to get the latest version of Sun Java.
Copyright © 2008 - 2015 Jagex Ltd. Jagex and FunOrb are registered trademarks of Jagex Ltd in the United Kingdom and trademarks used in other countries of the world.
By using our service you are agreeing to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.


text:
Game List
Please use the dropdown menus to select the type of game you would like to play.
Aerial dare-devilry with a stiff upper lip
Wage war with the Armies of Gielinor
Where health and safety dare not tread.
How long can you last in this platform-filled fun fest?
Classic brick destruction with Brick and Brac.
Rock-hard tile-based puzzle game.
Multiplayer mayhem with shapes that keep coming back!
Save the Earth in this side-scrolling shooter.
Defend your hoard. Become the Dragon King!
Fly through twisty caves to reclaim Earth's stolen tech.
Guide your fleas through their tiny little circus.
Fight for pole position in this powered-up racer.
Defeat the hordes of alien spawn.
From jumpers-for-goalposts to the Diamond Division...
How many words can you make from falling blocks?
Plunder the depths of a lootfilled volcano.
Catapult coloured coconuts to dislodge the monkeys.
Defend against the Norb invasion.
Bend worlds to your will and conquer the galaxy.
Protect the solar system from (kilo)tons of asteroids.
Pilot the most powerful space fighter ever made.
Build and control giant robots and battle for supremacy.
Clear the asteroid field with ever-increasing fire power.
Command your elite troops in this strategy game.
Push the pieces into place to finish your train track.
The classic pair-matching game with a slight twist.
Race online in the Tortuous Temples of Torment
Conquer the towers and attain enlightenment.
Anagrams aplenty in this quiz-show-themed puzzler.
Build a spaceship and destroy your friends
Fling stars at your enemies in this fun platform game.
Mastermind an invasion of the undead.
Fight of the living dead: capture humans for your evil research!
Copyright © 2008 - 2015 Jagex Ltd. Jagex and FunOrb are registered trademarks of Jagex Ltd in the United Kingdom and trademarks used in other countries of the world.
By using our service you are agreeing to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.


text:
The Skyline Thunderbirds were in the game until the very end in the opening round of the 54 Classic at Cunningham on Tuesday. When it was over, however, they had once again been denied their first win of the season, falling to Attica 68-61.
By Neil DePew
The Skyline Thunderbirds were in the game until the very end in the opening round of the 54 Classic at Cunningham on Tuesday. When it was over, however, they had once again been denied their first win of the season, falling to Attica 68-61.
The T-Birds trailed 19-13 after one period, and they would play virtually even with the Bulldogs from that point on, ultimately losing by just 7. "We played a good game," Skyline head coach Justin Miltner analyzed afterwards. "We took care of the ball on offense and had good defensive rotation."
"We felt like we could match up against Attica," Miltner continued. "It was nice to have a game where we were not badly outsized, where the deck wasn't stacked against us from the start."
As the game proceeded, Skyline got increasingly efficient on offense, each quarter's point output topping the previous. The T-Birds were able to get some buckets in transition, beating the Bulldogs down the court. At other times, their half-court zone offense was working slickly.
"We started to click on where the scoring opportunities are located," Miltner explained. "We started picking the right moments to get the ball into the high post."
Skyline had a nice combination of inside and outside threats. Post man Brandon Abbott was the recipient of entry passes from players like Kasey Gilpin and Blake Lee. From outside, Cole Patterson connected on three long balls, and Lee also chipped in a trifecta.
Trailing by only a basket at halftime, 30-28, Skyline came out after intermission and seized the lead briefly on a Windex bucket by Dustin Weber and a fast-break lay-up by Gilpin. Unfortunately, the Atticas went on a 6-0 run at that point, and the T-Birds found themselves playing catch-up for the rest of the contest.
In the 4th quarter, the Bulldogs got up by as many as 9 with 4:00 left to play. Skyline kept fighting back, though, and a hustle play by Brady McComb resulted in a hoop that shaved the deficit to only 3 again with 1:49 on the clock.
Ultimately, the T-Birds could not get over the hump, falling 68-61, but they had given the 2nd seeded Attica Bulldogs everything they wanted in the opening round of the 54 Classic.
Skyline 13 15 15 18 61
Attica 19 11 16 22 68
Gilpin 2-0-3/6-7; Cole Patterson 2-3-0/2-13; Brandon Abbott 5-0-5/8-15; Weber 2-0-4/7-8; Holz 1-0-0-2; Lee 1-1-0-5; Brady McComb 5-0-1/3-11


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Happy August! I'm excited to see August here. July was a funky month for me and it was too HOT weatherwise. So I'm excited to see what August will bring me, in a positive way, and hopefully better/cooler weather. Before we get to this wonderful cheesecake I just want to let everyone know that I am taking a little break from blogging--a couple weeks at best. I'll still be around tweeting and poking around.
I know, just get to the cheesecake already!
First off, I think I've stressed to you all that I am one of those people that loves a thick double crust in my cheesecakes. For me, it's the best part. So as you'll notice the crust is thick. Duh!
We all know that cherries and white chocolate pair purrfectly together. So why not in a cheesecake--plus I'm pretty sure this cheesecake has been done before; no big news there. But the flavor of this cheesecake paired with the sour cherries is just amazing. Almost like a sweet creamy milkshake with a hint of sour cherries--that's how I would describe it best. And then there is the crust. Oh how I love my cheesecake crusts thick and full of flavor. Please see my cook notes on what to do with the crust the next time.
I'll be back in a couple weeks. Hope everyone has a good rest of the summer. Did anyone go away for vacation? If so, where? Love to hear about it. Any foodie adventures?
white chocolate cheesecake w/ cherries & double crust
from vanillasugarblog.com
print recipe
12 oz. graham crackers, crushed fine
1 stick salted butter, melted
Tiny pinch of sea salt
cheesecake filling
4 - 8 oz. packages of cream cheese, room temp
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup heavy cream
9 oz. white chocolate, chopped (use high quality white chocolate-see cook notes)
4 large eggs AND 2 egg yolks
1 ts good quality vanilla extract
cook notes:This makes a lot of crust for the 10-inch pan, but I like to have it thick, so if you don't like it thick you could probably halve it. But with the remaining leftover crust I just put it in a bag and freeze or make a mini cheesecake. There will also be leftover cheesecake batter—haven't figured out how to scale it down yet. But with the leftover crust and batter you can easily make 2 mini cheesecakes if you have the mini springform pans. I do not have a mixer, I know, everyone always ask how I do it, but I do, been that way for decades. So I just use a food processer, works perfectly. Please use a high quality white chocolate, trust me it is worth it. Don't use the Toll House white chips like I did once—they DO NOT melt, only turn into oil. Use a high quality ones like Lindt or Perugina. The next time I make this I think I would like to add in a pinch of cinnamon to the crust or even almond, just see what it would taste like.
Preheat your oven to 375°F.
In a measuring cup, crack open the eggs and egg yolks, set aside until ready to use.
Spray a 10-inch springform pan with non stick spray. In a food processor grind up the graham crackers into a fine crumb. In a bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, a pinch of salt, and the melted butter. Mix, then press into the bottom and partially up the sides of the springform pan. (I use a flat bottomed glass to press it in evenly). Recipe & photos by Dawn Finicane of vanillakitchen.blogspot.com
Note: there will be some crumbs leftover; I normally use more crumbs than the average cheesecake because I love a thick crumb.
Bake for 12 minutes, set aside and let cool. Reduce the oven heat to 325°F.
I used my food processor to make the cheesecake batter—I suppose you could use a mixer, but I don't have one (I know, weird). With the food processor, mix the cream cheese until smooth and lump free. Add in the sugar, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Start on the white chocolate Ganache.
Bring the 1/2 cup of heavy cream to a gentle simmer over medium heat in a small sauce pan. Add in the white chocolate chunks and stir, keep stirring until the white chocolate is nice and melted. Once it looks like it's just about melted, take off the heat, keep stirring a bit while letting it cool. Then add it to your cheesecake batter, slowly, by pouring it in with the food processor running. Once the white chocolate is combined then add in the eggs one at a time until all is mixed well. Then add in the vanilla extract.
Most people like to do a water bath for their cheesecake. I never do, I find all too annoying. But if you want to do this please feel free; it's best to bake your cheesecake how ever you feel most comfortable.
I baked this cheesecake at 325°F for one hour then at 300°F for an additional 40 to 60 minutes or until the center is set. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely, then refrigerate for at least 6 hours.
cherry sauce:
Is nothing more than chopped up cherries (about ¾ lb to 1 lb of red or black cherries) with one freshly squeezed lemon, a few tablespoons of sugar (about 3 depending on how sweet or not sweet you like it); mix this in a sautee pan over low heat. Bring to a boil then add in about 1 tablespoon of sifted cornstarch to help thicken the sauce a bit. If you don't sift the cornstarch you'll get lumps in the sauce, not good. Sautee for about 10 minutes or so, until thick; remove from heat, let cool, then store in fridge to let it set up.


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Chocolate & mint runs a close second to my all-time favorite combo of chocolate & peanut butter.
I found these little gems over at Recipe Girl.
The cookie part is like a shortbread and the filling is a light peppermint fudge cream. They were really good, they truly only lasted a day in my house. I didn't even give these away; hubby & I ate them all. Bad girl! Having just one made you want to have another one, then another, and another. Bad I know, but geez they were good. I know a lot of people are like that with potato chips, having one is hard. Well, I'm like that with anything chocolate and mint.
The next time I make these I want to add a peanut butter fudge in the middle with a peanut butter shortbread. Doesn't that sound good?
What's your favorite food combo that you just can't eat one of, be it sweet or salty?
mint chocolate thumbprint cookies
52 comments:
My favorite combination = carob & caramel :-)
Chocolate and mint is definitely up there in my fave combos...also salt and chocolate.ReplyDelete
These look fantastic!
- Anonymous3/9/09, 2:02 PM
Delicious! My two favorite combos are chocolate and mint :) and also chocolate and cherries!ReplyDelete
LOVE these! They are super cute and I love the filling!! I know these will go fast! I love cranberry/almond everything and chocolate hazelnut!ReplyDelete
chocolate and mint and melted cheese with anything.....ReplyDelete
My favorite combo is chocolate and salt. I like to sprinkle of bit of salt on top of chocolates. Also love chocolate and caramel. The list could go on. Love your cookies.ReplyDelete
Jacobs cream crackers and Peanut Butter & Co.'s white chocolate wonderful....I try to have only one, but it never works out that way!ReplyDelete
Hmmm, together it is either chocolate and peanut butter or chocolate and caramel. But if I have anything salty I have to finish with chocolate. So when I make popcorn, believe me-there is a Hershey bar nearby!ReplyDelete
Eeeeyikes! Do those cookies ever look good, Dawn!ReplyDelete
By the looks of me this winter-I like TOO MANY good combos..... :(
Would have to say one of my favorites-aside from salty and sweet-is orange and chocolate-in just the right amounts of each...heaven.....
Hmmmm, should I make these instead of buying Girl Scout cookies? They sound freaking awesome. I really love lots of combos, hard to nail down a favorite, lol.ReplyDelete
Beautiful cookies! Chocolate and mint is definitely one of my all-time faves.ReplyDelete
I can never resist the combo of chocolate and mint. These are too cute to pass up as well. Chocolate and hazelnut is always a winner too!ReplyDelete
As Rachael Ray would say...YUM-O! These I will have to try. You take such great pictures, Dawn it's hard to resist wanting to bite the computer. Lol!ReplyDelete
Please hurry with the peanut-butter version!!! Nothing does it for me like chocolate and peanut butter...and the consistency you describe sounds irresistible.ReplyDelete
mmmmm! I just grunted, did ya hear me? These look delish!ReplyDelete
There's a recipe in Martha's handbook that is for chocolate thumbprints, with a cream cheese center and topped with chopped strawberries. I'm trying to find an excuse to make them!
My favorite combo is chocolate and cream cheese :-)
Do you know what I'm having right now? Chocolate & mint tea! They would go great with it! I also love that combo!ReplyDelete
thanks for the mention dear! Glad you enjoyed!! Mint is my husband's absolute fave. Mine would be toffee/ caramel paired with anything!ReplyDelete
I love these pictures! My favorite combo is almond butter and banana, I love that sweet and salty mix.ReplyDelete
- Anonymous3/9/09, 7:26 PM
Chocolate goes with anything really. It really is a star player! The cookies wouldn't last long.ReplyDelete
I have been meaning to tell you this for some time now, you NEED to put a warning sign on your blog - visit, read and scroll at your risk! :)ReplyDelete
Oh this is awesomeness in a cookie...It's a two thumbs up!ReplyDelete
mmmmmmmm. mint and chocolate is the best combination ever! these look delicious!ReplyDelete
Hmmm, whatis my cant eat just one food? You guessed it sista. Cheez-Its!
They look so freakin good!! Brownies...are my weakness...ReplyDelete
Hmm.. I never thought about a favourite flavour combo. I actually prefer it when things are separate and everytime I see one of your creative combinations, I'm so impressed. But if I have to choose, I would say chocolate and caramelReplyDelete
peanut butter. and anything. or nothing at all. it's very very bad...ReplyDelete
Chocolate mint is a great combo but not one that I often exploit. I think your peanut butter fudge and shortbread idea is wonderful, let me know when it comes to fruition.ReplyDelete
My recent favorite combo: chocolate and salt
Dawn! Chocolate and mint, chocolate and PB, two of my favorite combos! These cookies look FABULOUS. Man oh man, I wish I had some of these to snack on right now. Yes, snack on. I want to pop these like potato chips (great comparison, by the way). Can't wait to see your choco/pb version!ReplyDelete
Gorgeous. I love chocolate and mint. I haven't had a good chocolate and mint cookie since the last time I had my grandmothers "Norma Specials". I need to make those again...ReplyDelete
OM Good God these look so delicious. I love all the flavors, I just want to bite into them!!ReplyDelete
mmm...my favorite combination is chocolate and orange!! in england they have these little chocolate and orange cadbury's eggs that are to die for!ReplyDelete
Beautiful! Favorite combo for me is by far Peanut butter and chocolate. I can't get enough of it! Have a great day!!ReplyDelete
my fave is chocolate with orange. here's my choicesReplyDelete
Boy oh boy these look so good. Love that creamy center! I have a cornbeef in my frige waiting to be cooked then I will use the leftovers to make some of those Irish Eggs benedicts you were talking about. Do you make your own cornbeef hash- recipe? My hubby did the detox and weaned himself off the coffee. He drinks a pot a day and avoided a headache by weaning. He drank herbal tea instead. The detox is over and I am sure he went back to his old ways- go figure?!ReplyDelete
My favorite combo is coconut and chocolate - can't get enough. These thumbprints would make my daughter and husband very happy - they love chocolate and mint. Another tasty recipe Dawn.ReplyDelete
those look great, mint and chocolate are a great combo! as are salt and chocolate. oh, coconut and chocolate are great too. hmmm, chocolate & everything???ReplyDelete
Absolutely jaw dropping stuff! I have never heard of thumb-print cookies. Its a really neat idea. i'll have to try these soon. Will you block me from visiting your blog if I told you that I am not a big fan of chocolate-peanut butter combo? I like this blog though :)ReplyDelete
as far as flavor combinations go, mint and chocolate is pretty high on the list. in fact, chocolate and just about anything is on my list. good grief, what if i suddenly became allergic to chocolate? i would die.ReplyDelete
Cheese and chocolate. I know it sounds weird, but it is a great combination - I love salty and sweet together.ReplyDelete
Blogger kept eating my damn comment. Urrrgghh.ReplyDelete
Anyhoo, I love the choco/mint combo too. Back in our stoner days, Jeff and I would microwave peppermint patties and eat them with a spoon. These look much better. :P
These look so good, the chocolate god is smiling upon you!!!Whatever you make will be my favorite!!!ReplyDelete
Beautiful picture Dawn, chocolate and mint is a classic combination.ReplyDelete
Wow! These would really satisfy the mint and chocolate craving I have been having lately. Peanut butter is definitely a good idea too though!ReplyDelete
Wow! Those cookies look amazing! They're just gorgeous.ReplyDelete
I love to dip my french fries in a vanilla milk shake. Mmm.
Is that what you were asking? I think I got that wrong. I love the banana/peanut butter/chocolate combo.
I'm with you this is second only to chocolate and peanut butter. My youngest child will scarf these down in a heartbeat.ReplyDelete
When she does something deserving, I am going to make these for her.
OMG, I'll be over for coffee - WHAT TIME?!! ;)ReplyDelete
I love chocolate and mint together, as well as chocolate and peanut butter... another fantastic accompaniment to chocolate is raspberry - yum!ReplyDelete
By the way, your photographs are absolutely gorgeous!
Daw, Daw, daw, what do I have to do now, it is bedtime & I see thit beauties!!! MMMMMMM..... They look absolutely delicious!!!!!ReplyDelete
What a sinful looking cookies!! Send some over Dawn :)ReplyDelete
Finally, I'm back! Whew, it has been a long week and look at the goodies you have waiting for me.ReplyDelete
Chocolate and mint beats choc and pb for me, but really lemon anything is my absolute favorite.
As for the food I would keep munching on all day, it would probably be shortbread. I know it's boring, but for me it's like crack. In fact just thinking about it is making me want some - right now!
Thanks for your sweet words and support during my crisis. You are a wonderful friend.
Another great looking cookie. I really like the chocolate and mint combo as well!ReplyDelete
My husband is a big thin mint fan and would love these. Me, I can't resist anything salty with garlic. Chips, pasta, bread, shrimp scampi, etc. There are several brands of crackers I refuse to bring into the house because I know they'll be eaten in one sitting.ReplyDelete


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One killed, two injured – another injures one
The Missouri State Highway Patrol responded to a fatal accident that occurred at 2:15 a.m. on Sunday in Chariton County, Highway M one mile east of Highway Y. Jessica M. Diehl, 34 of Sumner, was driving a 2008 Dodge Ram 2500 lost control of the vehicle, drove off the north edge of the roadway and the vehicle overturned coming to rest on it's top in the ditch. She was pronounced dead at the scene at 4:51 a.m. Next of kin has been notified.
Passengers, 41-year-old Daniel J. Drew of Sedalia refused treatment at the scene. He suffered no reportable injuries. Passenger Charles W. Lewis, 42 of Brunswick was transported by Air Evac to the University Hospital in Columbia with serious injuries.
Diehl was wearing her safety belt while the two passengers were not.
The MSHP was assisted by the Chariton County Sheriff's Office, Chariton County ambulance, Keytesville Fire Department, Brunswick Fire Department and the Mendon Fire Department.
In another accident that occurred on Saturday in Monroe County, Brittnay B. Eads, 17, of Cairo, suffered moderate injuries when the 1999 Toyota Corolla she was driving westbound on Highway K 8.5 miles east of Cairo at 11 p.m.
The accident occurred when the vehicle Eads was driving skidded out of control, crossed the centerline and traveled off the edge of the roadway, overturned and came to rest upright in the ditch. Eads was transported by the Randolph County Ambulance to Moberly Regional Medical Center.
Assisting the MSHP were the Randolph County Sheriff's Department, the Monroe County Sheriff's Department and the Madison Volunteer Fire Department.
Eads was wearing her safety belt when the accident occurred.


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CheMateo wrote:Add Gary Coleman to this sad list.
Lord Akiyama wrote:ThunderCats writer Stephen Perry.
One of the more tragic stories I've come across.
Courtesy of Comic Book Resources
Police in Zephyrhills, Florida, have confirmed that ThunderCats writer Stephen Perry, who has been missing for more than two weeks, is the victim of an apparent homicide.
His van was discovered on May 16 at a Tampa motel, reportedly near a severed arm. More remains were found in a dumpster at a gas station two miles from his ransacked home. Perry's roommates, James Davis, 45, and Roxanne Davis, 49, were missing as well. However, police later arrested the couple on unrelated charges. They're now considered "persons of interest" in the case.
Hasn't he at least been able to turn is his life around?fatallylost wrote:-Todd Bridges - multiple arrests.
Hasn't he at least been able to turn is his life around?[/quote]fatallylost wrote:-Todd Bridges - multiple arrests.
CheMateo wrote:Damn, now Dennis Hopper. Was he at all relevant to our generation or am I just more sentimental? Most of us Y'ers would know him from what... Mario Bros., Speed, and Crash. A lot of people are mention Easy Rider and rightfully so but my personal favorite Hopper performance was as Frank Booth from Blue Velvet. PABST BLUE RIBBON!
I heard that Hopper considered Boiling Point to be his best work. But it was re-edited and tooled to be an action vehicle for Snipes. I'd like to have seen the original cut as the Warner Bros. release was weak.Hasn't he at least been able to turn is his life around?fatallylost wrote:-Todd Bridges - multiple arrests.
Meltman wrote:Jimmy Dean the sausage guy died. If there were an afterworld there'd be some pissed fat fucks angrily waiting right now.
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The kickass survival site for anyone who's ever been lied to, cheated on and left for dead.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Is it "just as hard" to be the Other Woman?
And I had to stop for a second. Really? Harder? It's a blessing and a curse that I'm able to put myself in another's place. And for a split second, I agreed. Because I would HATE to be the Other Woman. I would loathe myself and that would be the worst feeling of all.
But then, I thought...wait a minute. Harder? No way. Not by a long shot.
Thing is, most of grow up thinking that we won't put up with cheating. We can even imagine the moment we find out and, in that particular fantasy, we toss our cheating ass of a husband out the door, dust off our hands, look around the home that now belongs to us alone...and make ourselves a lovely dinner, with perhaps even a glass of wine to toast our strength and conviction.
The reality, as we all know, is nothing like that. We turn to stone. Or we collapse to the floor. We weep. We scream. We beg. We threaten. We become strangers to ourselves, capable of things we never dreamed. We become crazy with grief and fear.
And my guess is this Other Woman can't even imagine that. I couldn't have imagined it...until it happened to me. I was sure I'd be the calm, cool, collected fantasy "betrayed wife". The one who washed her hair of the bastard and strolled into an idyllic future.
The thing with being the Other Woman is that she's got more information than the wife. It might be inaccurate information (ie. "my wife doesn't understand me", "she's not interested in sex", "she's let herself go"), it might be outright lies ("we have an open marriage", "she's got cancer and I can't leave her right now"), but the OW knows we exist. We can't say the same about her.
And it's that level of deception, that bold lie that completely unhinges us. It rocks our very world. It threatens our sense of safety, our trust in ourselves (which is an even more damaging consequence than losing our trust in another), and our conviction that we are safe in this world. We lose our sense that what we see is, in fact, real. The OW is the grown-up version of the boogyman – and this boogyman really has been hiding under the bed. Or in it.
So while I'll acknowledge that being the OW comes with its own pain (or, perhaps more accurately, shame), it's nothing like the pain of being a betrayed wife.
Harder? Not a chance. And I hope you never have to find out just how much harder this is.
35 comments:
I agree with this 100%. I always thought I'd walk away. Now its been 8 months and I sit in the shower (its the only place I can hide the tears) and wonder, did I let myself down by staying? Am I a failure because I still love him? And I'm pretty damn sure the OW isn't suffering 8 months out.ReplyDeleteReplies
Hi Stephie,Delete
There can be really strong societal pressure to walk out. Most cheated-on women (publicly) are cheered on when they storm out or kick the "bum" out. And I think that can be enormously satisfying...in the short term. But life is more complicated than that. Less black and white. Sometimes people deserve second chances. Not always...but enough that it's worth figuring out if your husband is one of them. I think it can help if you ask yourself whether your husband's affair was evidence of his true character, or a slip in judgement. Not to minimize it at all because I know the pain is excruciating either way. But it can help you figure out whether he deserves your compassion or the door slammed behind him.
As for letting yourself down...I think it's important to give yourself permission to be confused. Your certainly NOT a failure because you still love him. That shows compassion and loyalty and strength. Just be sure he deserves that love. And be sure that you love and respect yourself at least as much as him.
As for the OW? Well...we all know where I stand on that one. :)
"Sometimes people deserve second chances."Delete
Sometimes it's not about whether the betraying spouse is deserving. Is the marriage? Are you? I didn't deserve divorce; I deserved a healed marriage.
"ask yourself whether your husband's affair was evidence of his true character, or a slip in judgement."
Although I agree about character versus behaviour, sometimes an affair is more than a slip and the inner betrayer's true character is still good. Affairs in midlife crisis (MLC) are emotionally-bonded and last a few years--well beyond admission or discovery and the MLCer sure seems to be of bad character, but that's the crisis.
Every time I cry and wallowing in the pain of the betrayal, I often think, "Is she in just as much pain as I am right now?" or "I hope that she's in worse pain than what I'm feeling now" But somehow I really doubt that. The only thing she's thinking painfully about is that man she lost, never mind married or not! I think OWs have an expiration date when it comes to their supposed 'pain and suffering'. Just like getting over a bad break up. But to us Betrayed Spouses, whether we stay in the marriage or not, this is now part of our stark reality forever. And yes, they are the Boogeyman from Hell.ReplyDeleteReplies
Dear Fighter,Delete
I think what you've said is true. But if there's one thing that helped me move through (I don't know if we ever get past) my husband's betrayal, it was moving the focus away from the OW. I had to stop wanting her to hurt, I had to stop thinking about her. I was even able to evoke a smidgen of compassion for her...because I knew how lonely and pathetic her life was and how her choices were simply making it worse. And that compassion gave me the opening to move away from dwelling on her and into focusing on me.
This will be part of our lives from now on. I often say life becomes divided into "Before" and "After". But like any of life's pain, we weave it into our larger life and it simply becomes part of the pattern. It doesn't have to be the dominant pattern...but it will always be there.
Oh yes!!ReplyDelete
For some time after my husband told me about the affair he would say "OW is as much a victim of this as you"
Bull****!! As I none too gently explained she knew all the facts up front, he was married, had children, had obligations and responsibilities. She chose over and over to be involved with him, her eyes were wide open.
I was totally blindsided. I was given no choice. The two of them blindfolded me and kidnapped my life. In those first few months I used to tell my husband it was like I was in deep water and he was helping me enough to stop from drowning but no more.
So does the OW have it as bad as us? If she does it's her own choices and stupidity that put her there. My OW had had several affairs with married men so I have abolutely no sympathy for her.Replies
Yes, to me the difference is that they (most of them) know what they're doing and choose to keep doing it.Delete
The ones who are also lied to and deceived...well...I have more sympathy for them. A friend of mine got involved with a married guy whom she honestly didn't know was married. The minute she found out she dumped him...and told him the he had two choices: He could tell his wife. Or she would. She never heard from him again but still felt horrible about the role she played in the deception of his wife, even unwittingly. THAT's an Other Woman I can feel sorry for. And respect. The rest...not so much.
I don't think they're in the same kind of pain but they do feel pain. There's something wrong if your after another woman's man, or if your a prostitute or if your a porn star...don't think these women are that healthy or happy or even satisfied with their empty lives.ReplyDelete
If the ow was lied too, just like Elle, I'd feel sorry for her. Hell, I feel sorry for the prostitutes my husband slept with. That my husband contributed to their sex abuse and supported pimps and madams with his business and spured on the insatiable appetite for sex trafficking. No woman wants to be in their shoes.
- AnonymousMay 4, 2012 at 11:45 PM
Yup. With Elle as usual. We are still pretty new to this with Christmas d day. Married ow knew exactly what she was doing. Didn't actually know me, but knew we had two young ones. And she knew my husband was quite conflicted on this. Unfortunately not conflicted enough to remain faithful to me. And this wasn't her first foray outside her marriage. But that is her problem. I told my husband the other day that he didn't owe her anything, that there was no reason to be worried about her. She started this thing with eyes wide open. Yuck yuck yuck. Thanks for this. I am working on indifference towards her, but still confess anger.ReplyDeleteReplies
Amazing how many of these OW are serial OW. Yuck. And...ewwww.Delete
I think what you stated above is the kicker for me. That the OW made the CHOICE to be involved with our husbands (with the obvious exception of the one who was lied to). She had her CHOICE to stake a claim on our husbands. Sure, WH lead them to believe that they had a shot at landing him, but they chose to provide the open arms (and legs) to our husbands. Then they participated in and encouraged the deceit and lessening of our our husbands' love for us. They knew EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME. We knew nothing and we chose NONE OF IT. Not only that, but we're saddled (for however long), with the visions of them with our husbands. I'm only 9 months out from d-day and while things are actually going really well and my husband is doing a remarkable job, I still have this war going on in my head. I'm pretty sure the little twit who worked so hard to take my husband has moved on by now. As someone stated above, for them it was a bad breakup and life goes on. There is no lifetime of "before and after" for them. Harder to be the OW? I say no F'ing way. Sorry Elle and everyone for the rant. Thank God for the therapy and meds! LOL! Could be much worse, right?ReplyDeleteReplies
Actually the "it could be worse" got me through plenty a horrible day. I kept telling myself that "at least my parents are alive and healthy" (I told myself that until my mother died suddenly six months later!!!), or "at least my children don't have leukemia" or "at least I'm not going to jail for murder" and "at least he didn't have sex with children". Sad but amazing that the fact that my husband didn't screw children or goats could cheer me up! It's all relative, right? :)Delete
You crack me up sometimes. Those "could be worse" scenarios have helped me at times too, then other times nothing helps. I'm encouraged to see from some of your posts that this doesn't seem to be at the front of your mind anymore. I believe I read in one post that you considered yourself healed. I'm looking forward to that day. I've been thinking of your OW post a lot and decided I wanted to share something else. I worked with a girl (who was a long-time friend of mine) who is on her fifth marriage. She has two young sons with this husband. She carried on a 2 1/2 year long affair with a man about 20 years older than her, who was married 34 years himself. She did everything she could, includingi contacting his wife a couple of times, to break up his marriage and she was going to leave her husband and kids. This man was a serial cheater (like my former friend) and was supported financially by his wife. I asked my former friend if she actually thought she would ultimately be happy with this guy since she was likely going to have to support him and he would probably cheat on her too, plus he was in his 60's. When I asked her that question, she just shrugged her shoulders. So my next question was "So you're willing to blaze a path of destruction not only in his family's life, but in the lives of your two little boys and your husband and you can't even say that you are certain you would ultimately be happy with this guy?" Again, she shrugged her shoulders. Just friggin shrugged her shoulders!!! The friendship didn't last much beyond that. She called me when he finally, ultimately dumped her - after she forced an ultimatum and contacted his wife one last time, and tried crying on my shoulder. It was hard for me to communicate with this woman considering what I was dealing with myself, but it gave me some helpful insight into the mind set of women who prey on other womens' husbands. They are damaged, reprehensible, predatory, opportunistic people. I don't think I will ever reach a point of any level compassion for any of them, particularly the one who inserted herself into my life.Delete
Wow – talk about insight into the mind of an OW! As much as that type of personality drives me crazy, it nonetheless helps me to know that many of these women aren't worth the tears required to cry over what they've done. You hit the nail on the head when you said they're damaged. Not so say I haven't had my share of damage over the years...but my damage isn't contagious!
It's the old saying (or maybe it's a new saying. Whatever.): Hurt people hurt people.
Thanks for sharing that story! Though I'm sorry you had to suffer through a friendship with her...not to mention the pain of your spouse's affair.
I'd NEVER feel sorry for an OW. I'd feel pity. The majority of husband thieves gotta be severely lacking in the self-esteem department. At the very least, they are delusional and easily manipulated by lying, fog possessed married men. It's pathetic, deserving of pity.ReplyDelete
I never, EVER considered the OW might be hurting as much as me. True, the OW in my situation was only 24. She didn't have enough life experience to know true heart ache. Excluding her..I still can't imagine any OW hurting as much as the betrayed wives. That's probably why so many of us in the betrayed club seek to bring the hurt to their door. We feel justified in our efforts to cause them as much pain as they caused us. Too bad that's an exercise in futility. We can never hurt them as much as they hurt us.
Hope & Hugs, Shawn
- AnonymousMay 9, 2012 at 1:15 PM
I just found your blog, I am approaching the one year anniversary of my dday. Like so many who post here, I never thought I would find myself in this situation. Our friends and family will tell you we are the "perfect couple", married at 18 and 21, and have been married almost 37 years. My husband adores me, as a matter of fact he will tell you that he never stopped adoring me, even during the nine years that he was fucking the OW. She was a married coworker of his who cheated on her 1st husband with a married coworker, got pregnant and married that coworker (he left his wife and child for her). Then when that relationship became stale, she set her sights on my husband. They were working together on a project that required them to travel together. I never suspected a thing, after all, she was married and had a little boy, right? And my husband is the love of my life and my best friend, what was there to worry about?ReplyDelete
Let me tell you, from the first time she knocked on his hotel room door when they were 3,000 miles away because she wanted to "talk" it was game on. She had made her plan, and it involved trading up to my wonderful man. He told me that he was physically sick after that night, but now there was no turning back. When he told her that this could never happen again, that he loved me and had never strayed before she became hysterical. She threatened to tell me, their boss and coworkers if he did not continue seeing her. She even referred to him as her "knight in shining armor." She was full of drama and he could not seem to find a way out. Eventually, she just became like a bad habit, he would listen to her complain about her husband and she told him she would wait as long as it would take for him to change his mind. She used the sex like a tool in her scheme, feeding his ego and working her charms in the hope with a future with him. The last few years, he became more and more despondent and distant with me, and that is when a friend asked if I thought he could be having an affair. I really didn't think so but I started snooping just on the off chance. Anyway, I found text messages, confronted him and the rest is horrible history.
The good news is that he was actually relieved to be found out and be done with her, he never even hesitated or looked back. As a matter of fact, he said that even if I left him, he would rather be single than to continue the miserable relationship that they shared. Our marriage is stronger and more loving than it has ever been, I never take him for granted anymore and he is beyond grateful that he can concentrate on me and us again, something that he was too guilty and ashamed to do while involved with her. Do I struggle every day with thoughts of revenge and images of them together? Of course. Does it help that he chose me and our marriage is better than it has ever been? Absolutely. Our grown children were told and they were shocked, disappointed and disgusted. They did not speak to their dad for over 6 months, but that is getting better every day too. He will have to live every day of his life trying to make this up to them, too.
So, do I feel sorry for the OW... NO!! I feel like she was an opportunistic whore who saw a man and a life that she preferred to her own and went after it. And the best revenge for me is that she is still married to the "boring old man" that she finagled from someone else and is too chicken-shit to leave until she finds herself another "replacement" (oh, and I'm sure she is working on that).
Thank you for this forum, for sharing your brave stories and letting me share mine.Replies
I'm glad you found us...and thank-you for sharing your story.Delete
And I'm so happy for you that you're able to rebuild an amazing marriage after that. Like your husband, mine was almost relieved to be found out. He was disgusted with himself but unsure how to extricate himself without "outing" himself – or being outed by his OW.
These women often leave a path of destruction in their wake...and simply plan to create more. Few seem to learn that their relationships are horrible because they're based in dishonesty.
Sad...and sadder still that more wives will be betrayed.
So is it harder for the alienator or not?ReplyDelete
Because as others as said, the alienator made the coice to have a relationship with someone's spouse--often pursuing that person.
If you, the betrayed spouse are stronger, and detach... and the alienator does not have your abilities to recover. That's a big if.
My situation lasted from MArch 2005--Bomb Drop--until October 2008 when Sweetheart left her for the final time. There were many leaves in-between.
It wasn't so much that her challenges were any greater than mine, but that I had the mental strength and perseverance to overcome or rather, go through them. He snuck out of her house each time he moved home. For days or weeks when she could tell he was about to leave she would skip work so he couldn't escape. Her fear--terror--was greater than mine--I was not afraid.
She chose to keep purusing him and eventually provided him with a cell phone after he moved home and got rid of his--she paid for it. I pity her as an unstable woman with severe mental problems, but I do not feel sympathy for her; she made her choices. Then when she experienced the consequences of those choices, she insisted on continuing them, and thereby continuing her misery.
Her fear was so great that she faked a pregnancy the first time he left her. A few months later she threatened indirect suicide, claiming she had a proplem with her brain that she wouldn;t fix unless he came back to her. A few months after that, a hysterectomy, Karma. When he snuck-moved out of her house in 2007 she came to our house, drove several times around the block, banged on our front door and then trespassed into our back yard, banged on the back glass door which was where she was when the police found her.
I don't hate her. I don't think she's despicable. I think she is sick--and I don't mean that as synonymous with disgusting, I mean literally mentally sick.
It was harder for her only because she made it so. But that's her Karma and she needs that Karma for her own life purpose and growth.
- AnonymousMay 31, 2012 at 3:25 PM
Rollercoasterider...I identify with your observation that the OW is often an alienator, at least that was the case in my situation. During the 9 year affair I kept wondering, why is my husband so at odds with me? We were never a couple to fight and had always been very affectionate and loving, but I could feel him pulling away and I just assumed he was having some sort of a midlife crisis. Come to find out that she was doing a number on him, trying to convince him why she was the perfect woman for him and why they were meant to be together. And you are correct, the alienator has the advantage with our husbands because she is in a competition, and she is in it to win. I had no f***ing idea what I was up against... that he was getting blow jobs in the car, and his ego fed while she hung on his every word like he was some kind of a god. Not many 30 year marriages are still burning with that white-hot intensity and trust me, these alienating women bank on that. I think that if she had put as much effort into her own marriage as she did trying to snare my husband, she might have had a happier marriage herself (though I seriously doubt that since her marriage was based on an affair, too).ReplyDelete
I wish I could say that I don't hate her, but the selfishness with which she pursued my husband makes it difficult for me to not feel hate. Especially when I think of how she friended me and even our grown children on Facebook, now I realize it was so she could peek into our lives and see what her competition looked like. And also all of the energy she siphoned away from my husband, relying on him like her best friend to text and call her constantly to make her feel important.
I do hope for Karma for her, and actually I think if I was a person with as little regard for others as she seems to be, the ultimate Karma for her is just being her. An unhappy and insecure woman who drinks too much, has a terrible temper, and now has lost the man she had been hanging her hopes on. And like your OW, I think she is also literally, mentally ill. And fortunately for me, he is thrilled to be free of that burden and it has opened up our love with much more affection, sex and fun than we have had in years. It's been just over a year and it does get a little better every day.
So happy to have found this blog; love sharing with you strong and amazing women... -S-Replies
Glad you found us too – and that you're sharing your own strength and wisdom. You've got great insight into the Other Woman, which I think can help you see her as a somewhat pathetic, flawed human being. Certainly someone you do NOT want to be. Sad the damage these people can leave in their wake, though.Delete
- AnonymousJune 1, 2012 at 1:18 PM
I do see her as pathetic and flawed, and yet I feel as if those labels somehow excuse her from her very damaging behavior. After my husband described the OW to our counselor, she is almost certain that the OW has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is basically a fancy term for someone who is extremely self-centered and narcissistic and thrives with a lot of drama in their life. She has a wicked temper and used to pick fights with him over any perceived lack of attention on his part.Delete
What I am wondering from some of the other betrayed wives out there is this...How many of you have told the spouse of the OW? I feel like he deserves to know, and yet I have to remember that he cheated with her and left his wife and young child after she became pregnant with his child (she was also married with a small child during that affair). So maybe for him; what goes around, comes around. Thoughts??? -S-
I believe the spouse of the Other Woman definitely deserves to know – regardless of his own character. I don't think you need to commiserate with him or do anything further than relay the information you know to be true: his wife had an affair with your husband for XX amount of time. I wouldn't expect sympathy or, frankly, anything from him. You might be called a liar, a homewrecker, a jealous crazy woman... Who knows what his response will be. But in the end, you will know that you shared information with him that you wish someone had shared with you long before you actually found out.Delete
That's my take on it, anyway. Anyone else want to share their thoughts??
Did you say his affair lasted 9 (nine) years! If so, WOW, that is a long time.
I call the OW or OM by the term alienator because it is gender neutral and nondergatory, but accuate in meaning and Sweetheart hates the term OW and I dislike acronyms. Plus she knew of the term and said it meant "other wife."
As for Borderline PErsonality Disorder, yes, that is precisely my assumption about her and I find BPD attributes to be common in alienators--I wrote an article reviewing the Cluster B Personality Disorders in affairs.
As for exposing to the alienator's spouse... Well, Willard Harley (Marriage Builders) certainly advocates it strongly. I didn't have that issue, as she was not married. I think it is a good idea, but I advice considering the circumstances first. What is the purpose of exposure. Was her spouse physically abusive--I may not like the alienator, but I don't want her physically harmed either. Do you know him? Will you come off as the vindictive betrayed wife or as someone who is concerned--that depends not only on your manner of exposure, but what your spouse has already said about you--your present reputation. There are a lot of things to think about, but in general, I'm for it. I actually started researching the topic of exposure again last week for a future article.
- AnonymousJune 5, 2012 at 11:48 AM
Yes, nine years and yes, it is a very long time. She was in it for the long haul, and my husband now sheepishly admits that he was very afraid of her anger and her threats of retribution if he were to cut her off completely. She is one tenacious bitch, I'll give her that. The last few years of the affair consisted largely of him listening to her complain about her husband and grown daughter, and taking her for the occasional lunch for which she would reward him with a BJ in the car. Sounds pretty romantic, huh?Delete
I also hate the acronyms that go with the whole sordid subject of affairs, my least favorite is the term "lover" which is often used in self-help books. "Alienator" certainly fits in my case, since she spent a lot of her time trying to weasel her way into my wife spot. I choose to be known as his lover... he and I have loved each other for 37 years and I have more than earned that title. And I will check out your article on BPD and affairs; it has been really helpful for me and for my husband to be able to put a label on this type of behavior. He is so ashamed that he was able to be manipulated by her for so many years, but in hindsight, he realizes just what he was up against after the very first encounter with her.
Which brings me to the subject of exposure. Do I really want to open that Pandora's box of ugliness with a person this mentally unstable? I have met her husband once, he seems like a nice enough man. My husband actually said that he feels sorry for her husband...not so much because of the affair, but of what it must be like to be married to her and dealing with that drama 24/7. We are putting our life back together. We are both so grateful for where we are now. Her husband cheated with her and then married that mess, so he knows what she is capable of (and who knows, maybe he is cheating on her, too). And I admit, my main motivation in telling him, her grown children, or even her parents for that matter, would be just to expose her for who she really is to the people that are closest to her. But for now, I think I am going to just take the high road and let her spiral down the drain that is her life. And my priority is, and will continue to be, my own marriage and family.
Thank you for weighing in, sending love and light to all of you fine and faithful women out there... -S-
Yes, I think it's important to consider the "cost" of exposing someone who is unstable. You might be wise to simply let her create her own undoing. And if she cheated with him in the first place, it won't exactly be a shock to him to imagine that she's doing it again (still?).
- AnonymousJune 5, 2012 at 2:06 PM
Exactly, Elle, it is tempting to "out" her but at what risk? It is the same behavior that kept my husband connected to her that makes me want to keep my distance. Sad, yes, and you are right I don't think her husband would be surprised, and he might even be looking for a way out of the marriage. And my husband feels that she most likely started another affair ASAP, that she used to brag to him about her teenage son's friends finding her "hot"...she is addicted to male attention and needs it like a drug.ReplyDelete
And Rollercoaster...WOW!! So much of what you write about in your personality disorder sections fits this woman and also my husbands role with her. The emotional blackmail. The erratic behavior; one minute she would shower him with compliments and screw his brains out, and the next minute she would be in hysterics and threatening to expose him because he wasn't giving her enough attention. He said her temper left him terrified, that once he even left her at a restaurant because she had to much to drink and was picking a loud public fight. She said that she hated that he wouldn't fight with her, that she wanted to have "make-up sex"...really??? Wasn't enough that she was having illicit affair sex, she needed to have make-up sex too? And I cringed when I read your section about the "knight in shining armor" that is what she used to refer to my husband as. She definitely had 5 of the 9 listed traits for BPD and even though I thought he was smarter than to get caught up with someone like her, I can see how it happened. The good news for me and for our marriage is that I was always his soft place to fall, and I think that is why he was so happy to leave the stress and the drama of her behind and has never looked back. Not to mention... I have a kind heart, I am a caring and supportive wife and mom, and I keep myself fit and looking pretty (I am also learning to give myself credit where credit is due, thank you very much!!) -S-
- AndreaJune 20, 2012 at 8:22 PM
oh em gee! I was boiling hot when I read that "harder" part. I loved reading your blog post about it. Since I know the OW (that wasn't one of many prostitutes) and I know she wanted nothing more but to destroy my marriage, I can't fathom how anything can be harder for her. She basically went on with her boyfriend after the longggg affair - a boyfriend who happened to be her ex husband's friend! Ugh. OW and it being harder? Yeah right! She just moved on and did what she knew how to do best.ReplyDelete
Sometimes I wish he would have just fell in love with her. It would be much less confusing and hurtful if he would have said "I want her and i'm leaving" instead "I want you but I slept with her for years" Like, huh? what? Moving on and foreclosing on my marriage gets more appealing each day.
I agree with u on this. My partner have an affair on and off with a woman from a different country (we live in france and she germany). The first time i found out about it was a month ago after they slept together. I talk to the OW and she admitted that she knew abt me but she was told that my partner and i were separating, which was not the case because we've just started to live together 6months ago. Then my partner said it was just a one night stand and she will forget abt her. I forgave and trusted him again. 9 months after in september 2012, i found out that they have continued their affair. And she even went here in france ans slept in our home while i was in Paris for a weekend. I tried to leave right after and my partner stopped me. He said he finished it with the OW again. Even forWarded me the goodbye letter from the OW and showing me that he also emailed the OW to say she has to move ob without him. After another 9 months just 3 days ago, my partner confessed that he went to see the OW in berlin 3 weeks ago. Stayed in her apartment for the whole weekend. And of course they had sex. It took me at leadt 12 hours to absorb it. I judt couldn't believe that he could fool me over and over. The worst part was, 2 weeks ago i emailed the OW to ask if she's still talking to my partner. She said not to worry about her because they haven't talked since october last year. She lied to me too. That i couldn't understand. So i emailed her to tell her that i know that my partner spent a weekend with her. I didn't even asked my partner, he just confessed out of the blue. While we were getting ready to sleep. Anyways, the OW said she's in dilemma and in pain just like me because we love the same man. What a bitch. Because he is MY MAN. Now he can keep him. I've had enough. My partner's not only fooling himself but all the people around him. Playing nice and all. I at one point thought I share the same pain like the OW. But not really. Because he's never had the ups and downs with my partner. They just see each other once in a blue moon and when they do they only have sex. Yes they talk but only through email..or a little conversation on the phone. Nothing more.ReplyDelete
I am so in pain but reading your posts make me feel strong somehow. Thank u, Elle.
I think you're wise to move on without him. Despite seeing the pain you're in, despite his promises, he's revealed himself to be a serial liar and cheater. And the OW's pain is nothing like yours. She knew about you...so she knowingly entered an affair with an involved man. That alone makes a huge difference.
But I think you'll gain strength in yourself simply by walking away from such lack of respect for you. That doesn't mean it won't hurt...it just means that you're choosing yourself, which is a powerful thing to do.
I'm glad this site is helping you. I'm sure the day will come when your story of moving past this will help others.
- AnonymousNovember 4, 2013 at 8:37 AM
It is wrong to be the other woman I never knew I was until we got into an accident And once I knew I was gone He doesn't understand why that would make a difference What a jerk No thank you Go find someone else He has hurt and lied to both usReplyDeleteReplies
Yay! You're exactly the kind of "Other Woman" we love. The kind who, once she realized she IS one, gets the hell out. Here's to the sisterhood!Delete
My husband had an affair that lasted FIVE years.. emotional first..then well.. we know what happens..ReplyDelete
he said we lost 'the spark.' And thought it was ok to tell it to another woman st his workplace.
and he says he treated the OW worse.
Yeah right.
how is that even remotely possible??Replies
I understand what you're saying. How can they treat the OW "worse" when we're the ones being deceived and lied to and betrayed. And yet, I think what he's saying is what I often hear: That the affair was really a sick relationship conducted by two sick people. That there was no love or genuine affection. Often, there's self-loathing and disgust.Delete
It's generally a huge shock to many of us betrayed wives to learn just how un-sexy affairs are.
That said…your husband has a lot of explaining to do.
I think what he was trying to say was.. that he kept giving her hope, then then betraying, gave her hope, then betraying. Although I dont think 'betraying' would be a suitable word to use. He betrayed me, but he felt he treated her worse.ReplyDelete
I am sure he completely believes that they were 'in love.'
Makes me feel sick to the stomach. Sigh.
The difference is a regular break up when you knew the person wasn't 100% committed vs the instantaneous destruction of an entire life built together along with your sense of self and safety. Hmm, doesn't sound very equal to me.ReplyDelete


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