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Top Things to Do in Omaha
Omaha's blend of old and new
Long before most Midwest cities rediscovered their warehouse districts, stores and cafes thrived in downtown Omaha's Old Market buildings. The lively area seems to belong in a larger city. Even on weeknights, shops stay open late, catering to dinner crowds.
That transformation is typical of what's happening elsewhere in this Missouri River city (metro population: 863,350). Visitors will find that the 1931 Union Station boasts a dazzlingly restored Art Deco lobby and the Smithsonian-affiliated Durham Museum. The long-neglected Missouri riverfront is flourishing, too, thanks largely to developments such as the CenturyLink Center Omaha.
Click ahead to learn about some of our favorite experiences in Omaha.
More information: (402) 444-4660; visitomaha.com
Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo
Look for the zoo's spectacular Desert Dome if you arrive in Omaha along westbound Interstate 80. Other highlights include 1,225 species, a massive aquarium, an IMAX theater and a gorilla exhibit that puts you nose-to-nose with the primates. The Skyfari is an open-air chairlift that takes you from one end of the zoo to the other, right over the animal enclosures. (402) 733-8400; omahazoo.com
Joslyn Art Museum
A striking pink marble facade marks the Art Deco-Era institution, a repository for 11,000 works about a mile west of downtown. The Native American and Western galleries are especially interesting, using art as a lens for viewing an iconic chapter of American history. Other highlights in the permanent collection include the works of Monet, Pollock, Degas and Renoir. (402) 342-3300; joslyn.org
The Durham Museum
Omaha's spectacular Art Deco train station houses a family-friendly museum exploring Nebraska's pioneer history and railroading legacy. Don't miss the restored soda shop, just off the lobby. (402) 444-5071; durhammuseum.org
- Photo courtesy of Lauritzen Gardens
Lauritzen Gardens
Two miles of paths wind through formal gardens, a wildflower meadow and an arboretum where wild turkeys live along the Missouri River south of downtown. Tour more than a dozen gardens, including an herb garden, children's garden and rose garden. Tram tours are available. (402) 346-4002; lauritzengardens.org
Old Market
This 12-square-block revived warehouse district is a model for successful urban renewal. Faded advertising murals and covered sidewalks add historical charm to shops, galleries and restaurants. oldmarket.com
60-Second Video: OmahaSee all that Omaha has to offer visitors during a weekend getaway, including The Henry Doorly Zoo, the Old Market, Lauritzen Gardens and the Durham Museum.
- Photo Courtesy of the Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
Heartland of America Park
Enjoy Omaha's sprawling riverfront park, including a 300-foot water fountain and light show. Stroll around to the Lewis and Clark exhibits and the World War II and Heartland Airborne Memorials. In the summer, you can take a gondola ride around the 15-acre lake. (402) 444-5900; www.ci.omaha.ne.us/parks
- Photo courtesy of Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
Bob Kerrey Pedestrian Bridge
A 3,000-foot lighted span (one of the world's longest for pedestrians) links Omaha and Council Bluffs and soars 60 feet above the Missouri River. Twin towers and a cable design marked it as an instant icon as soon as it opened in 2008. (402) 444-5900; visitomaha.com
- Photo Courtesy of the Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
Rose Theater
In a building combining Moorish and classical architecture, kids and families watch live drama and dance performances. The theater also offers workshops in acting, directing, playwriting and musical theater for children ages 4 to 18. (402) 345-4849; rosetheater.org
- Photo courtesy of Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
CenturyLink Center Omaha
Top-draw events at this complex, which seats up to 18,300, have included the Rolling Stones and the NCAA men's basketball tournament. Check the website for event and ticket information. (402/341-1500; centurylinkcenteromaha.com).
- Photo Courtesy of the Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau.
TD Ameritrade Park Omaha
In 2011, the NCAA Men's College World Series left its home at Rosenblatt Stadium. We miss the small-town feel of that historic park by the Henry Doorly Zoo, but we must admit, the event's 24,000-seat $131 million brick home next to the CenturyLink Center is pretty sweet.
The giant scoreboard screens invite passersby to take a peek at the action, and nearby bars and restaurants bolster the stadium's celebratory atmosphere. The seats offer a panoramic view of both the diamond and downtown -- not to mention plenty of legroom. (402) 546-1800; tdameritradeparkomaha.com
Boys Town
The Rev. Edward J. Flanagan started Boys Town in 1917, with just five troubled boys in his charge. Today, hundreds of kids live at the nonprofit's pastoral main campus. The community operates its own police and fire departments and schools. It welcomes visitors for self-guided tours. An audio driving tour includes two chapels, Father Flanagan's house and a museum. (402) 498-1300; boystown.org
- Photo Courtesy of the Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
Omaha Children's Museum
Kids can create puppet shows, anchor a TV newscast, shop at a grocery store, or play with a supersized art screen at this fun museum geared to children 12 and under. Artists-in-residence offer hands-on workshops for kids. (402) 342-6164; ocm.org
- Photo Courtesy of the Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
El Museo Latino
This little museum opened in 1993 as the first Latino history and art museum and cultural center in the Midwest. In addition to exhibits, the museum features artist workshops and dance performances. It's near the city's 24th Street Latino district, where small restaurants serve authentic Mexican dishes. (402) 731-1137; elmuseolatino.org
- Photo Courtesy of the Omaha Convention and Visitors Bureau
Bemis Center for Contemporary Arts
Artists in residence showcase work in an Old Market warehouse. Every year the center features more than 20 exhibitions, highlighting both new and established artists working in a variety of visual mediums, including video, installation and performance art. (402) 341-7130; bemiscenter.org


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Dharshini David explains why the volatility of Bitcoin underscores how secure the dollar is in its pole position – and how the old greenback continues to dictate the world's fortunes.
Gary from our Fiction Department delights us with a few of his favourite Polish novels.
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Washington and Jefferson College banking and finance
Think about what career is best suited for you, and where you want to study. Request more information now.
Think about what career is best suited for you, and where you want to study. Request more information now.
Think about what career is best suited for you, and where you want to study. Request more information now.
Information about Washington and Jefferson College banking and finance, and registering for elective seminars and lectures. Which college degrees give you the best chances of finding employment after graduation? Completion of an accredited business degree program can qualify you to enter the workforce immediately. To get started, browse management programs and certificate courses online. Concentrating on Washington and Jefferson College banking and finance, for example, you may gain an advantage in corporate recruiting being done on-campus. Check with the banking department for course registration deadlines, and certified public accountant program requirements. Please use the form above to request admissions info for Washington and Jefferson College.
Liquidity ratios are used to help assess whether a business has sufficient cash or equivalent current assets to be able to pay its debts as they fall due within the year. A business that finds that it does not have the cash to settle its debts becomes insolvent. The formula for the acid test ratio is Current Assets minus Inventory, divided by Liabilities. The reason is that not all assets can liquidated into cash at fair market value. Notably, raw materials and large inventories of product must first be sold, and then cash collected from debtor accounts.
The Acid Test Ratio, sometimes also called the Quick Ratio, adjusts the Current Ratio to eliminate those current assets that are not already in cash form. An acid test ratio of over 1.0 is good news, as it indicates that the business is able to pay its debts even if it cannot turn inventories into cash. Care has to be taken when interpreting the acid test ratio. The value of inventory that a business needs to hold will vary considerably. For example, you wouldn't expect a law firm to carry inventory, but a major supermarket carries a large dollar value of inventory at any given time. Beyond major requirements within the banking department, you may consider Mitchell College courses for adults as a complementary elective to your primary course of study.


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Talk:World Archives Project: Rhode Island, Vital Extracts County Records, 1636-1850
Standard Copy and paste the text below into the discussion tab on the wiki:
Feel free to add to or edit information in this discussion tab as necessary. Please take time to become familiar with the General Keying Standards and be sure to read all instructions on the main project page. (Please note that in case of a discrepancy, project level instructions always trump general keying standards.)
Extra Keying Helps
If you are keying Quaker records prior to 1752 the numbering of the months does not follow our typical numbering. Please refer to the chart below.
Common Keying Errors Found by Reviewers
Do not key Jr in given or surname fields. Per keying guidelines: In cases where the name is listed as Rev. John Smith, or John Smith, Jr, and there is not a prefix or suffix field the name should be entered with John in the Given Name field and Smith in the Surname field, without either prefix or suffix. [1] -- Wiedwoman 21:35, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
Do not key any ranks that may appear.
Please check that you have keyed the Event City if it appears at the top of the page. Even though the city name may appear only once on the image, if you miss it out of every record on the page, it could have a bad effect on your accuracy stats! --Katerimmer 12:05, 18 December 2012 (UTC). Also, some cities will appear just before the date in parenthesis, substitute that city name in these cases? --Hardcoal 18:17, 27 December 2012 (EST)
Questions and Answers
If you have a keying question that is not answered on the project page or in any of the information above, click "EDIT" and ask it here. (If you click on Rich Editor you won't have to worry about formatting your entry.) Then click "WATCH" at the top right on this page and you will be notified via email when an update has been made.
Q: Double-dating: If a record has the following date, "Feb. 20, 1743-4," how would you key the year?
- Q: Since this is pre-1752 Quaker date, should this be the twelve month in the quaker year 1743 and 1744 in the calendar year? -- Wiedwoman 22:55, 27 December 2012 (UTC)
- A: Therefore the date should be recorded "Feb. 20, 1744". The double date satisfies the Julian and Gregorian calendars. Since we use the Gregorian calendar, today, then you use the latter year. See: The Problem of Dates--Hardcoal 23:40, 27 December 2012 (UTC)
- A: This is not a Quaker format date as it gives the name of the month rather than the number, and it should be keyed as Feb 20 1743. --Katerimmer 23:43, 27 December 2012 (UTC)
- A: You are correct the date recorded in the scanned book is not in the Quaker Date format it has already been "corrected" for the number, number, number format (since the Quakers did not use the name of the month derived from pagan gods names and they also still used the Julian Calendar). Please read the link: The Problem of Dates. "Although March 25 was the beginning of the year prior to 1752 for ecclesiastical, legal, and civil purposes, since Norman times, January 1 was considered to be the beginning of the historical year. This gave rise to a double dating system in some places -- between January 1 and March 25. If a person's birth date was 25 February 1741, the date might be written 25 February 1741/42. This showed that he was born 25 February 1741 under the Julian calendar, but in 1742 under the Gregorian calendar. Even after England and her colonies changed the Gregorian calendar in 1752, this double dating system was continued by some colonial record keepers. This is confusing because some record keepers used double dating and some didn't; some continued it after 1752 and others didn't. It's very inconsistent and it helps to be aware of this." --Hardcoal 00:00, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
- A: Kate, I have to agree with Hardcoal on how to record the year. They all only seem to be showing as double years from Jan 1st to March 25th. -- Wiedwoman 02:52, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
A: As far as I know, whenever one of these double years appears, we are keying the first year shown, regardless of whether it was a Quaker date or any other. This has been the same on many WAP projects but I will see if I can find if there has been an official confirmation of this. --Katerimmer 11:03, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
- A: Kate is correct. In the Church Records field help for year, which I can now see wasn't added for the County and Newspaper records, we ask that when a year range is given to key the first year. Annafechter 19:26, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
Q: Copy from above: Are records, not stating the father and mother (i.e. "of William and Sarah"), but are directly below ones stating a father and mother of the same family? Therefore, would I just copy down the father and mother from above assuming the following record represents a child of that family until another mother and father are listed?
- A: Yes -- Wiedwoman 22:55, 27 December 2012 (UTC)
Q: On Births and deaths record, when a male is listed with birth and death info, followed by a female with 'his wife' and birth and / or death info, followed by children of the couple, should the spouse name be included with any of the birth and death entries, only the death entries, or neither? In the screenshot link, the wife has no death info listed. See Screenshot link.
- A: I would add the name of the wife with the birth info of the spouse. Then add her spouse to the line with her birth. -- Wiedwoman 15:50, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
Q: When something is in parentheses after a name, as shown in the screenshot link, should it be entered as the Town or the maiden name. On the 1st entry, it looked like it was the maiden name, but the 2nd entry makes it look like it might be the town. This was found in the Scitaute, RI births and deaths records.
- A: This is the place that person was born (Providence). -- Wiedwoman 15:50, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
Q. If one record in Births and Deaths file has the male listed as a child with DOB, then the next record lists the same person with the same DOB, then the next record lists his wife's name and DOB, should the male's name and DOB be listed a second time? It doesn't seem like it should be duplicated.
- A: If everything on the line is a duplication from the line above, no you would not key it again. -- Wiedwoman 04:22, 29 December 2012 (UTC)
Q. What should be done with Suffix for father? Nothing since there is no field or should it be entered in the Given name fieldas seen in the record?
- A: Do not key Jr in given or surname fields. Per keying guidelines: In cases where the name is listed as Rev. John Smith, or John Smith, Jr, and there is not a prefix or suffix field the name should be entered with John in the Given Name field and Smith in the Surname field, without either prefix or suffix. [1] -- Wiedwoman 21:35, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
If you have a suggestion or would like to make an addition to the project page, click "EDIT" and post your suggestion here. (If you click on Rich Editor you won't have to worry about formatting your entry.) Then click "WATCH" at the top right on this page and you will be notified via email when an update has been made.


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Pinless phone cards are the latest thing and it makes calling international easier and hassle-free. You don't need to always have the PIN handy because the phone automatically dials it for you once you associate it. This allows you to call your loved ones anywhere in the world without have to rush to a store or hop online. To start the pinless feature, associate your number with the PIN and it will restrict the use of the PIN to only your phone number unless you choose to share it yourself. To associate your number, here are instructions:
Note: Phone Number Associated with a PIN will be removed automatically once the PIN value is exhausted.


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text: Breakfast with Waffles and Fruit Royalty Free Image License: Standard LicenseStandard Royalty Free License Breakfast with waffles and fruit. Waffles, strawberries, blueberries, and butter. Isolated on white background. 562 views Danny Hooks Thank you for visiting Hookstock Images! My name is Danny Hooks. I've been... [more] info Author Page Portfolio: 700 images. Gallery Page Contact Updates / RSS Network Image updated—May 3, 2013 Keywords "isolated on white", "white background", berries, berry, blueberries, blueberry, breakfast, butter, fruit, healthy, isolated, margarine, morning, plate, stack, strawberries, strawberry, sweet, syrup, waffle, waffles, white Image Categories All Images | Food | Drink | Isolated Image #2290 Size Type File Info Price ( US Dollars $ ) Smalljpg3.47" × 2.31" @ 72 dpi250 × 166px2.50 Mediumjpg6.94" × 4.61" @ 72 dpi500 × 332px4.00 Largejpg13.89" × 9.22" @ 72 dpi1000 × 664px6.00 Extra Largejpg14.29" × 9.49" @ 300 dpi4288 × 2848px10.00 End User License Agreement ADD TO CART (0.00) Symbiostock Community Symbiostock CommunityNetwork with illustrators, photographers, and designers. Symbiostock on TwitterSymbiostock news. Symbiostock on FacebookCommunity maintained Facebook hub. Symbiostock.infoSearch images on the Symbiostock network. Symbiostock SearchSearch Symbiostock images and network. Symbioguides.comSymbiostock knowledge base. Symbiostock.comSell your images and network with fellow microstock professionals. ClipArtof.comHigh Resolution Stock Illustrations & Clip Art ClipArtIllustration.comFirst Symbiostock Site, and home of the Orange Man Microstockgroup.comA meeting place for microstock professionals.


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Rubedo 2
Available as
About this artwork
Acrylic on Canvas The title of my whole artwork is named like the ancient Occident Alchemy phases, Nigredo, Albedo, Citrinitas an Rubedo because I use the abstract art, like a spiritual way of growing, and a personal enhanced of my soul. It reflects my personal experience in life, travels, my dreams, desires and expectations, like a catharsis between the commotion and banality from the actual reality of the world.
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A foodtrucking guide to help make the most of your experience Read More
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Sneak preview of new truck Naan Stop Read More
Food and truck pictures from the LA Flea Market at Dodger Stadium Read More
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Topic: Humor/WTF (Read 165220 times)
Get Your Share!
Reply #100 on:
February 12, 2009, 03:16:23 PM »
Reason has a personal stimulus generator set up here:
. . . wherein you can insert your own personal stimulus needs, such as mine:
National Telecommunications and Information Administration
salaries and expenses
For an additional amount for `Salaries and Expenses', $350,000,000, to remain available until September 30, 2011: Provided, That funds shall be available to establish the State Broadband Data and Development Grant Program, as authorized by Public Law 110-385, for the development and implementation of statewide initiatives to identify and track the availability and adoption of broadband services within each State, and to develop and maintain a nationwide broadband inventory map, as authorized by section 6001 of division B of this Act.
wireless and broadband deployment grant programs
(including transfer of funds to Body by Guinness for the Body by Guinness Personal Economic Stimulus Program)
For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $90000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 shall be paid directly to Body by Guinness in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Body by Guinness to Foot Rubs or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Body by Guinness will receive free Roller Derby, baby! tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Body by Guinness shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Jerry Nadler is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.
digital-to-analog converter box program
Notwithstanding any other provision of law, and in addition to amounts otherwise provided in any other Act, for costs associated with the Digital-to-Analog Converter Box Program, $650,000,000, to be available until September 30, 2009: Provided, That these funds shall be available for coupons and related activities, including but not limited to education, consumer support and outreach, as deemed appropriate and necessary to ensure a timely conversion of analog to digital television.
Power User
Posts: 42558
English & French in Toronto
Reply #101 on:
February 14, 2009, 12:21:47 PM »
WARNING: In VERY bad taste:
Posts: 16
Re: Cardboard Cops
Reply #102 on:
February 14, 2009, 12:29:01 PM »
Quote from: Body-by-Guinness on February 04, 2009, 08:16:56 PM
Wow, much of the stuff coming out of the UK inspires some serious head shaking. Work out the math compared to the commercial cost listed at the end of the article.
Police spend £20,000 on cardboard officers
Police forces have spent more than £20,000 on cardboard cut-outs of uniformed officers designed to confuse criminals.
By David Barrett, Home Affairs Correspondent
Last Updated: 4:25PM GMT 03 Feb 2009
Cardboard cut-out of a policeman used to help deter shoplifters Photo: PA
It was billed as the latest police tactic to combat crime and now the idea has taken off nationwide.
Police figures show that forces across the country have spent more than £20,000 on the flat-pack PCs.
West Midlands police said it had ordered 80 cardboard constables at a cost of just over £10,000. In Derbyshire, £6,650 was spent over the past two years on a "substantial number" of cut-outs.
"The theory is that it creates the impression at first glance of a capable guardian being on site, which hopefully also reduces the perception of fear of crime," said a Derbyshire police spokesman.
A survey using the Freedom of Information Act revealed that 13 forces in England and Wales have used cardboard officers.
Essex police said it spent £760 on eight cut-outs. They have been deployed in petrol stations, to deter drivers from speeding away without paying for their fuel, and also in shops to discourage shoplifting.
The force would not reveal precisely where the cut-outs have been placed because "to release locations is likely to jeopardise the success of the trials".
Cleveland police spent £1,760 on cardboard officers for use in shops, petrol stations and retail parks in Hartlepool, Redcar and Stockton-on-Tees.
The other forces which have used cut-outs are North Wales, South Wales, Greater Manchester, Durham, Humberside, Lancashire, Avon and Somerset, Norfolk and Surrey.
Rank-and-file officers, however, questioned the wisdom of spending police funds on fake officers.
Simon Reed, vice-chairman of the Police Federation, said: "While I appreciate that money may be tight for policing, this does seems a drastic solution to avoid paying any salary and pension costs.
"Ultimately it will be for local residents to decide if cardboard police officers work for their community and are good use of their taxes."
Several forces admitted to having suffered the theft of cut-outs. Three went missing from filling stations in Derbyshire in the past two years, while two were stolen in Cleveland.
Humberside reported the theft of one cardboard officer, which disappeared from a Tesco supermarket in Grimsby last November.
A spokesman for West Midlands police, which had the highest spending on cut-outs, said that some of the money would be reclaimed from shops which benefited from the scheme, but could not say how much had been recouped so far.
South Wales police created life-size replicas of two of its serving officers, community support officer Helen Ely and neighbourhood constable Dale Weaver.
Surrey produced cardboard replicas of an entire neighbourhood policing team to reassure residents and increase awareness of crime-prevention measures.
Commercially-produced promotional cut-outs can cost from £12 and £30 each.
LOL they tried that here also
it doesnt work
Power User
Posts: 42558
Potential and reality; Little Red Hen 2009
Reply #103 on:
February 22, 2009, 08:02:24 PM »
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a
million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money
to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him
in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his
dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars.
But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.
The Little Red Hen, 2009 bringing it up to date.
"Who will help me sow my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. She
planted her crop, and the wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck..
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"Id lose my seniority," said the cow.
"Id lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the bread?"
asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"Id lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"Im a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.
They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said,
"No, I shall eat all five loaves."
"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)
And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around
the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then the farmer (Obama) came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not
be so greedy."
"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.
"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise
system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants.
But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must
divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who
smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked
bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the
Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.
Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one
cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.
Hillary got $8 million for hers.
That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years
repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.
Last Edit: February 22, 2009, 08:08:20 PM by Crafty_Dog
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Posts: 42558
3 smiling bodies
Reply #104 on:
February 24, 2009, 06:57:47 PM »
Three dead bodies turn up at the morgue, all with very big smiles on their
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
The Coroner tells the Inspector, "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman.
He died of heart failure while with his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile."
"Second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age.
He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whiskey.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one.
Nancy Pelosi, Democrat, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning."
"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought she was having her picture taken."
Wool-Coated Globs Beware
Reply #105 on:
February 25, 2009, 11:46:29 AM »
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Posts: 103
For all you gadgeteers that need the next new thing
Reply #106 on:
February 26, 2009, 08:29:05 AM »
Warning this is NSFW...
Tax Payer Prize Patrol!
Reply #107 on:
February 27, 2009, 09:41:00 PM »
Heh heh.
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Posts: 42558
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #108 on:
February 28, 2009, 12:39:14 AM »
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #109 on:
February 28, 2009, 08:01:59 AM »
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Posts: 42558
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #110 on:
February 28, 2009, 09:19:11 AM »
Thank you!
That was awesome!
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Posts: 103
Not sure thats what she meant when she asked for "Los Triques" LOL
Reply #111 on:
February 28, 2009, 12:42:01 PM »
Last Edit: February 28, 2009, 04:18:23 PM by Chad
Chicken McMutant
Reply #112 on:
March 03, 2009, 11:21:07 AM »
South Florida Sun-Sentinel.com
Fort Pierce woman calls 911 when McNuggets run out
Will Greenlee
8:46 AM EST, March 3, 2009
Told McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets after paying for a 10-piece, a local woman called 911.
Three times.
"This is an emergency, If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one," Latreasa L. Goodman later told police. "This is an emergency."
The McNugget meltdown happened last week at a McDonald's in the 600 block of North U.S. 1 and ended with Goodman, 27, getting a notice to appear on a misuse of 911 charge, according to a recently released police report.
Goodman told investigators she tried to get a refund for the 10-piece McNuggets, but the cashier told her all sales are final.
"I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," Goodman told police.
The cashier told police she offered Goodman, of the 2400 block of South 25th Street, a larger portion of food for the same price to make up for it, but said Goodman got "irate," the report states.
Goodman reportedly yelled, "I don't want a McDouble and small fry," the cashier told investigators.
Dispatchers for 911 told police Goodman called the emergency number three times and on each occasion was told an officer was en route.
"Goodman maintained the attitude 'this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency,'" the report states.
McNuggets, introduced to the McDonald's national menu in 1983, are sold in more than 100 countries and, unlike the McDouble, are often dunked in barbecue or hot mustard sauce.
Goodman's 10-piece selection has 460 calories and 29 grams of fat.
Steve Crowder on Gun Control
Reply #113 on:
March 05, 2009, 08:36:42 PM »
Michael Moore spoof included!
Hunting Bunnies in his Sleep
Reply #114 on:
March 06, 2009, 07:35:30 PM »
Dang, I wonder if this is a regular occurrence?
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Posts: 42558
I love you too , , ,
Reply #115 on:
March 16, 2009, 10:25:29 AM »
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too.'
WTF on so Many Levels
Reply #116 on:
March 17, 2009, 05:44:06 PM »
And I always thought "strangle the goat" was a figure of speech. . . .
Florida lawmakers consider ban on bestiality
Florida lawmakers are pushing legislation that would make having sex with animals a felony.
TALLAHASSEE -- The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida now that a Senate agriculture committee voted to slap a third-degree felony charge on anyone who has sex with animals.
Florida is one of only 16 states that still permit bestiality -- a fact that animal-rights activist and Sen. Nan Rich learned to her horror three years ago when a Panhandle man was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat that he held by the collar during a sex act.
''There's a tremendous correlation between sexually deviant behavior and crimes against children and crimes against animals,'' said Rich, a Sunrise Democrat. ``This is long overdue. These are heinous crimes. And people belong in jail.''
But the Mossy Head man suspected of assaulting Meg the goat was never charged, because law enforcement officials could not link him to the scene. The suspect was arrested months later in a separate goat abduction, said Walton County Assistant State Attorney Walter Parker.
Rich's legislation would target only those who derived or helped others derive ''sexual gratification'' from an animal, specifying that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.
That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.
''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?'' she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn't get it.
''So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?'' Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.
After the unanimous committee vote, Rich predicted the bill would pass this year. She said bestiality used to be illegal in Florida, but the statute was ruled unconstitutional for being too broad.
Reach Marc Caputo at
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Posts: 7843
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #117 on:
March 19, 2009, 04:52:02 PM »
Not only can the chosen one chew gum and play basketball at the same time but he can among other things fix the world economy, global climate change, the national health care problems, watch college basketball, revamp the world energy supply, fix the middle east, Afganistan, Iraq, reset the Russian American relationship, visit Muslims around the world and what the heck, show up on Jay Leno. Well I guess he does use a telepromter so Emanuel and crew and tell him how to fool us some more:
LOS ANGELES - President Barack Obama is defending his appearance on Jay Lenos late-night talk show.
He said his Thursday appearance on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno is not keeping him from pressing matters. Some critics have questioned whether the television stint distracts from his work to fix the economy.
Obama said he can do more than one thing at a time and is working on a host of issues, including climate change and health care reform.
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Posts: 7843
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #118 on:
March 19, 2009, 05:55:38 PM »
I don't know where to post this kind of stuff except in the "humor" department. The guy who is expanding the role of government to unprecedented proportions with debt of the same astronomical levels has this to say. And of course the crowds love him. Obviously these people do not think they are the ones paying for all this:
****Facing largely adoring crowds far from Washington, President Barack Obama on Thursday asked Americans to back his far-reaching economic and health policies, but warned them not to expect too much from him or the federal government****
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Affirmative action in action?
Reply #119 on:
March 20, 2009, 11:43:03 AM »
Power User
Posts: 42558
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #120 on:
March 26, 2009, 06:01:44 PM »
Michigan Man Sentenced to 90 Days in Prison for Sex Act With Car Wash Vacuum
Thursday, March 26, 2009
SAGINAW, Mich. A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison.
Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.
The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court.
Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.
Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.
Savage's attorney, Philip Sturtz, didn't immediately return a message seeking comment.
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Murphy's hat
Reply #121 on:
March 27, 2009, 04:00:37 PM »
Murphy At Mass
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell, right?"
Murphy slowly shook his head and said, "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
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Posts: 42558
To be 6 again
Reply #122 on:
March 28, 2009, 08:17:04 AM »
To Be 6 Again...
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
' .....to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra f ries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M 's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
South Park Explains the Banking Crisis
Reply #123 on:
March 31, 2009, 07:39:03 PM »
Note the role of the chicken in this process:
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Posts: 42558
And then the fight started
Reply #124 on:
April 06, 2009, 09:55:51 PM »
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
========== ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
=========== ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started...
=========== ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started...
Speakin' der Lingo, Savy?
Reply #125 on:
April 10, 2009, 12:32:13 PM »
Obama Reaches Out to 'Moderate' Pirate Community
Posted by Jon at 4/9/2009 11:15 AM
Categories: Jon,Politics,Humor
After maintaining his silence for two days, President Obama will soon make his first public statement about the pirate attack upon an U.S.-flagged vessel off the Horn of Africa. After several inquiries and a few well-placed bribes, Exurban League has received an early transcript of the President's remarks:
Good evening. As you know, early yesterday, Somali-based pirates attacked the Maersk Alabama, a freighter carrying relief supplies to Kenya. While we do not yet know all the details, the Alabama's crew re-took control of the vessel and forced the pirates off the ship.
Since the pirates are still holding the captain, I have sent FBI negotiators to facilitate his safe and speedy release. I assure his friends and family that I will not stop until this man-made disaster is resolved in a peaceful, tolerant and ecologically-sound manner.
Obviously, this incident has raised many concerns among Americans. There have been calls for justice and even violence against the misguided perpetrators. But such an emotional reaction has led to the disparagement of entire groups with which we are unfamiliar. We have seen this throughout history.
For too long, America has been too dismissive of the proud culture and invaluable contributions of the Pirate Community. Whether it is their pioneering work with prosthetics, husbandry of tropical birds or fanciful fashion sense, America owes a deep debt to Pirates.
The past eight years have shown a failure to appreciate the historic role of these noble seafarers. Instead of celebrating their entreprenuerial spirit and seeking to partner with them to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.
Some of us wonder if our current Overseas Contingency Operation would even be needed had the last administration not been so quick to label Pirates as "thieves," "terrorists" and worse. Such swashbucklaphobia can lead to tragic results, as we have seen this week.
To address this issue, I have instructed Vice President Joe Biden to create a cabinet-level Czar of Pirate Outreach and Buccaneer Interrelation. In addition, June 1-7 has been designated as Pirate Awareness Week, during which all federal buildings will fly the Jolly Roger and sponsor sensitivity training. Thankfully, my American Recovery and Reinvestment Act will fund free grog and hard tack for all attendees.
Finally, to all pirates listening to international broadcasts, shortwave services and ship-to-shore radio, let me say this:
Ahoy, me regret arr relationship has set sail in a scurvy manner. Arr people share many mutual 'alues and concerns on t' raging main. Perchance, could ye handsomely release the cap'n o' the ship and I assure that no harm will come t' ye or ye hearties. Let us smite t' reset button and launch our seabond on a new pegleg. Savvy? Godspeed t' ye and t' ye beauties. Aye, me parrot concurs.
Déjà vu All Over Again
Reply #126 on:
April 13, 2009, 08:54:49 PM »
A cartoon out of the 1934 Chicago Tribune has a familiar ring. . . .
Right Wing Terrorist Quiz (With Diploma!)
Reply #127 on:
April 15, 2009, 11:35:16 AM »
Easy home test:
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Posts: 42558
Letter to my bank
Reply #128 on:
April 15, 2009, 05:15:29 PM »
Letter to my bank
Dear Sirs,
One of my checks was returned marked "insufficient funds". In view of current developments in the banking industry, does that refer to me or to you?
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Posts: 42558
Confucius say
Reply #129 on:
April 16, 2009, 12:27:17 AM »
Confucius Says:
Man who scratch ass
Should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many
Prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong:
Man with four balls cannot walk.
War does not
Determine who is right, war determines who is
Wife who put
Husband in doghouse soon find him in
Man who fight with
Wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails
To build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like
Hell, bound to get there.
Man who live in
Glass house should change clothes in
Man who fish in
Other man's well often catch crabs.
Crowded elevator
Smell different to midget.
Vanity License Plates
Reply #130 on:
April 21, 2009, 12:08:32 PM »
A collection thereof. My fave:
All of 'em:
The Most Hideous Sweater in the Universe
Reply #131 on:
April 22, 2009, 08:59:10 PM »
Oh my goodness, make it stop:
Cheap Date
Reply #132 on:
April 28, 2009, 11:38:13 AM »
Couple found having sex inside dumpster
by KOMO Staff and CTV News
Originally printed at
Talk about getting down and dirty.
On Friday morning, police on Vancouver Island got a call about suspicious activity in a Victoria suburb. When an officer arrived on the scene, he discovered a man and woman having sex in a dumpster, reports CTV News in British Columbia.
"It's 1:45 a.m. so it's dark and he called out to the people in the dumpster and didn't get any response," Police Sgt. John Price told CTV News. "So he went over there with his flashlight and poked his head in at the bottom of the dumpster."
Inside were two people, naked and intertwined.
Police arrested the 26-year-old man, who was wanted by another police department. The 30-year-old woman was sent home, CTV News reports.
Price says that in his decades of policing he can't remember ever hearing a story like this.
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Posts: 42558
James and the joys of motherhood
Reply #133 on:
April 29, 2009, 11:39:24 AM »
James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the
bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He
carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier,
and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn't wake
He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of
his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you," demanded
James, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered
"This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter".
James didn't take the news so well. "You mean I'm dead! That can't be, I
have so much to live for, I haven't even said goodbye to my family. you've
got to send me back right away!"
St. Peter replied "You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away
James. However, you can be reincarnated - but there is a catch. We can only
send you back as a dog or a hen." James was devastated, but knowing that
there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back
as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking at corn on the ground. "This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt
a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over
and said "So you're the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day
here?" "It's not so bad" replies James, "but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster,
"haven't you ever laid an egg before?"
"Never" replies James.
"Well just relax and let it happen."
And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out
from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him - emotions
got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first
time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever
happened to him. ever!
The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to
lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and
heard his wife shout "James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you're sh*tting
the bed!"
Ticketed for Parking in Own Driveway
Reply #134 on:
April 29, 2009, 07:30:37 PM »
D.C. Ticketing Homeowners for Parking in Their Own Driveways
Radley Balko | April 29, 2009, 7:01pm
Fresh from a proposal to charge residents extra fees for street lights, D.C.s latest effort to generate revenue is to ticket residents for parking in their own driveways.
No, that isnt an exaggeration:
Beverly Anderson is mad as hell. She just started to get tickets for parking in her own driveway.
Thats right. The District of Columbia is ticketing people who park their cars in their own driveways.
This is clearly an attempt by the city to extort money out of property owners, Anderson tells WTOP.
Anderson has received two of the $20 tickets in the past month. Anderson has owned the Capitol Hill house (and the driveway, so she thought) for more than ten years and has never gotten a ticket. And shes not alone.
It turns out that D.C. has an odd, obscure law stating that the land between the front of your house and the street, otherwise known as your driveway and front yard, falls under a bizarre classification known as private property set aside for public use. Essentially, though owners have to pay for its maintenance and upkeep (they can be fined if they dont), its considered public property. Which apparently means that, technically, you cant park your car on it. The city recently dusted off the law, and began writing parking tickets if any part of a residents car is parked between the front facade of their house and the street, even if its parked in the driveway.
When Anderson complained, one D.C. official told her that if she wanted, she could pay the city to lease the land between the front of her house and the street, which would allow her to park her car there legally.
In November 2007, I wrote about how D.C. was phasing out due process rights for people who want to contest parking tickets in person.
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Posts: 9484
Re: Humor/WTF What if this mess was Palin's?
Reply #135 on:
May 16, 2009, 09:53:34 AM »
President Palins First 100 Days
A near disaster.
By Victor Davis Hanson
WASHINGTON (AP) The first 100 days of the Palin presidency, according to a consensus of media commentators, have proven a near disaster. Perhaps it was Palins scant two years experience in a major government position that has eroded her gravitas, or maybe it was her flirty reliance on looks and informal chit-chat. In any case, the press has had a field day, and it is hard to see how President Palin can ever recover from the Quayle/potatoe syndrome. Here is a roundup of this weeks pundit mockery.
Ted Stevens may have gotten off, wrote Bob Herbert in the New York Times, but he taught our Sarah something first like using $100-a-pound beef for her state dinners. And whats this $50 mil for her inauguration gala? Since when do you fly in your favorite pizza-maker from across the country on our dime? Or send the presidential 747 for a spin over the Big Apple for a third-of-a-million-dollar joyride? Does Palin think shes still in Alaska and has to have everything flown in from the South 48 by jumbo jet?
Also in the Times, Gail Collins weighed in on the already-tired yokelism of the new commander in chief. What were getting is Wasilla chic. Thats what were getting. She arrives in the Oval Office, and first thing sends back Blairs gift of the Churchill bust as if its a once-worn Penneys outfit. Then she gives the Brits some unwatchable DVDs as a booby prize as if she idled the old Yukon and ran into Targets sale aisle. Did Sarah send Bristol into Wal-Mart back in Anchorage for that engraved iPod for the queen? And whats this dont-bow-to-the-queen stuff, but curtsy for a Saudi sheik? Maybe that explains why she brags to Stephanopoulos about her Muslim faith. So far, the best things going for her are Todds biceps.
Well, lectured Paul Krugman, again in the Times, we were worried that they didnt teach math at Idaho U., and now we know for sure they dont. Is it $1.6 trillion, $1.7 trillion, or $2 trillion in red ink this year? Are we supposed to be impressed that she offers fiscal sobriety by cutting 0.003 percent of the budget? She gives out money to those who dont pay taxes and calls it a tax cut. And now Queen Sarah tells us that in four years shell halve the deficit, as if she hasnt borrowed another $5 trillion in the meantime. Does she think were morons? How many Drill, baby, drill! oil wells can she tap into up there in Alaska to pay for the extra $11 trillion in debt shes saddling us with?
ABCs Katie Couric summed up the general disappointment with the presidents communication skills. I tried to warn the American people in that interview a few years back what they would get if they voted for her. Lets face it: Shes a walking embarrassment. I mean just count em up: The mayor of Wasilla thinks Austrians speak some lingo called Austrian. Then she tries her hand at Spanish and comes up with some concoction, Cinco de Cuatro. Next thing shell walk into the window of the Oval Office and expect it to open oops, shes already done that. No wonder that when her Teleprompter stalls, she shuts her mouth until it catches up. Im surprised she managed to get sworn in. And did she think that tasteless Special Olympics slur was funny? Or making fun of octogenarian Nancy Reagans séances? No wonder Wanda Sykes feels at home.
A dragon lady in heels is what President Palin is, according to the NYTs Frank Rich. Dont fall for this pageant nice-girl stuff. Our former beauty queen is a ward hack. Look at her nominations. Cant Palin find anyone who has paid his taxes or do they simply ignore that stuff in no-tax Alaska? Does No more lobbyists mean More lobbyists than ever? Her chief performance overseer doesnt perform too well herself and, like Daschle, Geithner, and the rest, skips out on her taxes. When Palin brags about fiscal sobriety, it really means record deficits. In Sarahland, not wanting to take over banks and car companies translates into, She already has. Highest ethical standards equates to There are none. Calling herself the VA president means shes just told vets to use their own health insurance.
Pretty crude, pretty petty, Sally Quinn sighed in the Washington Post. No manners at all. Does our new mom in chief think its neat to laugh when her court jester at the correspondents dinner calls Michael Moore a traitor and a terrorist and hopes he dies of kidney failure? Is that funny? Ask those on dialysis. Is that what Alaskan hockey moms do scream out at every talk-show host who hurts their itty-bitty feelings? Limbaugh, Hannity who will it will be next? Poor old Jim Cramer?
Shes a Bush clone, the Timess Maureen Dowd chimed in. Bush is out, Palin is in but we keep getting renditions, military tribunals, wiretaps, e-mail intercepts, Predator drone executions over Pakistan, the same in Iraq, and even more of the same in Afghanistan all retrofitted with new hope and change banalities. I mean, whos putting Mommy Dearest up to this Wolfie, Perlie, Cheney?
There is no foreign policy, Chris Matthews said on Hardball, his voice dripping with scorn. She just tours the world and nods, as if her good looks and serial apologies are going to win us a collective tingle abroad. I dont think Hugo Chávez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad care much that shes got great legs and a nice wink. How many times can Ms. Vapid say, Were sorry and Hit that old reset button and expect thugs to make nice?
Eugene Robinson worried in the Washington Post about Palins emphasis on race. Look, she gets 95 percent of the working-class white vote. She promises next month to talk to the Christian world from Estonia, of all places. Hello? She goes to the Summit of the Americas and immediately puts race on the table as if we are supposed to separate those with European heritage from those without. Then she tells al Arabiyya that she hopes to heal the rift with Europe because of my own shared European heritage that seems to resonate in ways I hadnt imagined throughout the EU. I guess were learning that those gaffes last year on the campaign trail, like her typical black person remark and Todds I am finally proud of my country again nonsense were not gaffes at all.
Howard Kurtz summed up the press cynicism the best in his Washington Post column. How long does she think she can keep picking on her right-wing plants in the audience for these softball Q-and-A sessions? I mean, there are only so many pukey What has surprised you the most about this office? What has enchanted you the most about serving in this office? questions you can lob.
Canard Petard
Reply #136 on:
May 17, 2009, 01:02:16 PM »
May 15, 2009
More Carbon: The Only Answer to Global Freezing
James Lewis
Global Warming is dead. Global Freezing is in.
According Dr. Terri Jackson, a physicist and climatologist, writing in the Belfast (Ireland) Telegraph, on May 13,
"There is now irrefutable scientific evidence that far from global warming the earth has now entered a period of global cooling which will last at least for the next two decades.
"Evidence for this comes from the NASA Microwave Sounding Unit and the Hadley Climate Research Unit... ."
Etcetera ad infinitum. You've heard it before. Just flip the temperature story from high to low. The polar bears are all going to live, but the desert jackals are all going extinct. Along with James Hansen and the other global fraudsters.
Now watch the political class jump on the Global Freezing bandwagon. They don't care. Doom is doom! Money is money. Power is power.
Global Freezing? Goody! It's another jackpot!
And they will be warmly supported by all the corrupt and money-hungry science-types who run the big science journals.
But here's the kicker: we won't have to do anything to change the climate back --- not if you believe any of the professional liars of the Global Warming scam. All we have to do is follow the lead of India and China and increase our carbon production as much as possible!
See, Obama's EPA has decided that carbon warms the planet.
That's a great Green opportunity for the political class, because now they can tax carbon --- including breathing out, expelling gas in other ways, and running your car in the driveway.
Not to mention private jets and running coal-fired plants, drilling for oil, and a thousand other sensible ideas for more energy independence.
Well, if carbon warms the planet, and the planet is now sliding downward into frozen hell, it's obvious what we must do, fast:
Burn more coal.
Drill more oil.
Make more and bigger cars.
And above all, stop taxing carbon!
That way producers will make more.
And of course, stop throwing more money after new sci-fi brainstorm for novel energy from the sun, the oceans, geothermal, and ethanol.
Just remember to use as much carbon as you can. Do Mother Gaia a big favor. Breathe out as much as you can. Have a BBQ in your backyard. Eat beef.
And let's teach all the little kids around the world to burn their carbon!
Only you can Save the Planet!
Cliff Thier adds:
We also need to destroy the damn rainforest.
I'm eating breakfast and noticed, not for the first time, that I'm being exhorted by Tropicana (on the top of an orange juice container) to "Rescue The Rainforest" as a way of cooling the earth.
Well, it's time to cut down those trees.
Also, I thought I'd form an organization to knit sweaters for the whales. And, turtlenecks for the turtles,
A Dedicated Parent
Reply #137 on:
May 21, 2009, 02:16:57 PM »
California mom tells cops she had sex with boys to keep them away from her daughter
Associated Press
Posted: 05/15/2009 07:52:04 AM PDT
Updated: 05/19/2009 08:13:35 PM PDT
A 30-year-old Northern California woman has pleaded not guilty to charges that she had sex with three teenage boys.
Deborah Towe faces 11 felony counts, including unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, oral copulation of a person under the age of 16, committing lewd acts upon a child and arranging a meeting with a minor for a lewd purpose.
The boys were 15 and 16 years old.
Police in Anderson, about 150 miles north of Sacramento, began investigating in April after two girls from a local middle school reported that a friend's mother was having sex with boys.
In a 48-page report released this week, Towe told police she was protecting her daughter by diverting the boys' attention to herself.
She denied the charges during an appearance Wednesday in Shasta County Superior Court. Towe remains jailed, with her bond set at $250,000.
Power User
Posts: 42558
I want a cheeseburger
Reply #138 on:
May 25, 2009, 07:58:21 AM »
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"
The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".
The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
Power User
Posts: 42558
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #139 on:
May 30, 2009, 12:00:54 PM »
Kung Fu flick-- Jesus beats Batman
Power User
Posts: 42558
Dirty magazines
Reply #140 on:
May 30, 2009, 09:00:34 PM »
A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late. He said dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad.
She launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at their previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something so trivial.
The husband calmly listened to her gripes and then explained, "Dirty magazines: The clips from their rifles had not been cleaned."
Power User
Posts: 42558
Old Jews telling jokes
Reply #141 on:
June 23, 2009, 11:40:18 AM »
Power User
Posts: 513
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #142 on:
July 08, 2009, 09:25:58 PM »
Hehehe technology is great...treat musicians who can use youtube with care!
Power User
Posts: 42558
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #143 on:
July 15, 2009, 06:32:39 PM »
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says,"I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Bad Medicine
Reply #144 on:
July 22, 2009, 01:54:13 PM »
Introducing Reforma:
Power User
Posts: 513
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #145 on:
July 28, 2009, 07:37:31 AM »
Ordering Pizza in 2012!(the source suprised me)
Power User
Posts: 42558
Re: Humor/WTF
Reply #146 on:
July 29, 2009, 08:20:20 PM »
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He
had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he
fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and
peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket
to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As
he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his
pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the
deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked
or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
Some old men can still think fast.
Reply #147 on:
July 31, 2009, 03:45:52 PM »
A quiz show I'd like to see:
Posts: 16
Re: Baby Drops a Dime on Dad
Reply #148 on:
August 06, 2009, 01:49:05 PM »
Quote from: Body-by-Guinness on January 21, 2009, 08:34:31 PM
Baby Accidentally Dials 911, Leads To Arrest Of Father
I had my niece (who was almost two) dial 911 accidentally at our house in Arkansas... No arrests or anything... Just explained to the dispatcher what happened... They sent a squad by later just to confirm though... Of course, this was 18 years ago
- Bert
Really, Don't Feed the Bears
Reply #149 on:
August 08, 2009, 03:04:57 PM »
DOW Agents Find Bear Devouring Elderly Woman
Woman Had Been Known To Feed Bears, Wildlife Officers Say
POSTED: 9:50 pm MDT August 7, 2009
UPDATED: 10:35 pm MDT August 7, 2009
OURAY, Colo. -- A bear was found Friday devouring the body of a 73-year-old woman who had been repeatedly asked not to feed the bears, the Division of Wildlife said.
A caretaker saw the bear feeding on the woman's body as she lay outside of her home, just north of Ouray. The caretaker called 911 and dispatchers reported the incident to the DOW.
While it's unclear if she was killed by the bear or died of other causes, there were wounds from an animal found on her body, DOW spokesman Joe Lewandowski said.
Lewandowski said the woman was known to feed bears dog food for years and would not stop, even after repeated requests from the DOW.
While sheriff's deputies were at the woman's home investigating the report of the mauling, an aggressive bear approached them so they killed it. The 250-pound male bear will be taken to the Colorado State Veterinary office, where a necropsy will be performed and its stomach contents will be examined and analyzed.
The victim's name is not being released until her family is notified.
The Montrose Memorial Hospital will conduct the autopsy on the woman and results should be released by noon Saturday, the DOW said.
"There have been a lot of bears that have been habituated to dog food. Once this happens you cannot relocate them," Lewandowski said. "Once bears are accustomed to the food, there is no getting them off it. The bears will keep coming back."
He said the DOW will have to kill bears that show up at the woman's house because they are accustomed to the food.
The DOW and the Ouray County Sheriff's Office are investigating the incident.
There have been only two fatal bear attacks in Colorado in the past 100 years. The first was in Grand County in 1971, when a man was killed. The second incident was Aug. 10, 1993 in Fremont County when a 24-year-old man was killed.
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From a withered tree, a flower blooms. ~ Buddha
"The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages." ~ Virginia Woolf
"We have almost no consideration for profit and I think that's why we are highly profitable. I just don't care. People always told me over the years: 'You have such a mind for business and marketing.' That's hilarious because I never ever think about it. I've never chased after hits and I've never chased after people's attention. Third Man Records stands for a lot of things and when you stand for things, people come to you." ~ Jack White
A lake is something limited. Water is inexhaustible. A lake can contain only a definite amount of the infinite quantity of water; this is its peculiarity. In human life too the individual achieves significance through discrimination and the setting of limits. Therefore what concerns us here is the problem of clearly defining these discriminations, which are, so to speak, the backbone of morality. Unlimited possibilities are not suited to man; if they existed, his life would only dissolve in the boundless. To become strong, a man's life needs the limitations ordained by duty and voluntarily accepted. The individual attains significance as a free spirit only by surrounding himself with these limitations and by determining for himself what his duty is. ~ The I Ching
Baseball players say they don't have to look to see if they hit a home run, they can feel it.
~ Aaron Sorkin
"When in doubt, do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
~ Mark Twain
I learned to delegate from a young age. Actually removing myself from the office has helped me look for the next big venture. I try to exercise every day. Manage the BlackBerry, don't let it manage you. The key is to do it in bursts and not to let it dominate your day. Speak to people – I do get a lot of emails every day and try to answer as many as I can; but I also believe that you need to speak to people. It can save you and them a lot of time. And write it down – I carry notebooks wherever I go to jot down thoughts and notes. You can't beat pen and paper.
~ Richard Branson
Ashtanga yoga – for 75 minutes, once a week – restores calm and order.
~ Robert Peston, BBC
One major goal at a time is enough. If you try to do too many things at once, you'll end up failing on several fronts. I try to focus on big decisions and eliminate trivialities. The other thing I believe in is delegation. You have to trust the talented people you hire to do their job and take responsibility.
Duncan Bannatyne
There's something about the rhythm of walking, how, after about an hour and a half, the mind and body can't help getting in sync. I have written most of my melodies walking and I feel it is definitely one of the most helpful ways of sewing all of the different things in your life together and seeing the whole picture. I have to say, hiking in cities doesn't do the same trick for me. It has to be rural.
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Romantic Del Mar Getaway!
What an amazing experience my wife and I recently had at L'Auberge Del Mar.
We arrived to the hotel early Saturday afternoon and immediately felt relaxed as the seasoned staff took over and guided us through the check-in process then walked us to the room. Wow! What an amazing view from our room... we recommend you upgrade to their 3rd floor interior rooms for the best ocean views. We treated ourselves to a few hours at Spa L'Auberge and got to spend time together in the co-ed relaxation garden at the Spa. On the walk back to our room we were drawn to the VERY hip Bleu Bar (pool bar) and enjoyed a couple of signature cocktails. When we eventually arrived back to our room, the hotel staff had sent Chocolate Dipped Strawberries and Champagne for our special day. We popped the cork, sat on our balcony and took in the view (see sunset image attached). While watching the surfers in the waves, we got to see a pod of dolphins swimming north up the coast, and a pod of whales heading south! We learned from the concierge that the whales migrate to Mexico this time of year to birth their calves.
This amazing evening finished with dinner at Kitchen 1540 in the private cabana on the patio. The food was amazing, and the service was exceptional (ask for Clyde)! Thanks L'Auberge for an amazing overnight retreat!
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