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Any childless stepmums?(33 Posts)
By childless stepmums, I mean no biological children!
My partner has 3 young children, and he is the sole parent as their mother died last year. I have known my partner since before the death of his wife, and love him to pieces. I completely accept that if we are going to work, I need to embrace these children, who have made wonderful progress but at times are still so sad, and of course miss their mummy so much.
I began seeing the children last year, and all was fine, I genuinely thought I could do it and one day we could all be a family. But we went away for 2 weeks on holiday, and I found it so difficult. I was used to the children going to school / preschool in the day, then being around for 4 or so hours until it was their bedtime. But the reality of 3 young children 24/7, being isolated in the countryside of France, and with no babysitters or quality time with my partner... I struggled, I feel so sorry for my partner because I was so upset with the situation, and he was stuck in the middle.
Since then I have seriously been questioning whether I can cope with the life my partner is offering me. I realise there are 3 very fragile children involved here, and that my partner and I can't just amble on aimlessly, and that I can't have an on-off relationship with the children. We are long distance, which doesn't help, and I have little time to even see my partner let alone time for him and the children too.
The main struggle for me is - I really really miss my partner. I feel so sad to think that we won't ever have time to just be us, and I think that affects how I feel about spending time with him and the children. Given the choice, I would always rather see my partner alone than see the children as well. And I think largely this is because we are long distance, and I only get 2 nights with him once a fortnight. I feel like I am mourning the loss of a stage in our relationship that we will never had - the stage where you are just a 2, before you decide you want children.
I am wondering if and how I can get to the stage where I feel just as happy to spend time with him and the children. I know we can't move forward if I am always secretly longing for the children's bedtimes. I also know that I will be their only mother figure (if ever we move in together) and that they will need to feel completely cared for and loved by me. That is what they need, that is what my partner needs for his kids, and that is what I would want if they were mine.
So - basically looking for tips and advice. I am not ready to walk away from the situation yet, but I know that ultimately I have to find a way to accept and be happy with it, or let my partner find someone new.
Please - I really don't want to be berated for struggling. I don't hate the children, I don't want them to disappear, I am so sad for them and for my partner and frustrated for feeling this way, for not being able to slot into this life easily. I want us to be a happy family and am trying to find ways to get there.
Op you sound lovely, this is a very sad situation. And I really feel for those kids. Being a step mum is one of the toughest things I've ever done, I still struggle 5 years down the line. Only have the kids eow and know for a fact a couldn't cope with it full time. This is going to be a very hard decision for you. I really don't know what to suggest but I'm sure some of the SM on here who have their sc full time will be along with more practical advice. I wish you luck
That's such a sad story. I don't have children, and struggled immensely for the 7 years when we had DSS EOW. I confess I couldn't have coped with one full time step child, let alone three, especially when there's been such a huge loss.
There are some fab posters here who should be able to give you sound advice.
I think you're amazing, really I do. Think about it, this is not a situation you would seek to find and yet, here you are. You may find over time, that you develop affection for these children who have had such a sad time, as has your partner. It won't come all at once. Why on earth should it? The long distance thing can be good in giving you perspective and allowing you to work out exactly whether this is do-able for you, or not. You sound lovely and like you want to make it work but I think, personally that it is a very big ask! You don't mention your ages. The thing is that this man has three kids who are at a vulnerable stage and they MUST be his priority. Can you subjugate your own needs and hopes for this "ready made" situation? Only you know.
OP - offering you bags of support - you have just described in a nutshell how many of us feel when we are getting together with a guy who has kids - grieving the time we should have had alone with him, let alone all the grief and baggage you must be carrying because of your circumstances.
My advice is: talk to him. Not to create more problems or make things more difficult for him, but to tell him how you feel, gently. And offer a solution: is there any way you two can carve out some kid-less time, once in a while, so that you can just be together the two of you? are there grandparents who can help occasionally? I feel that your relationship deserves a chance, as much as you can give it within the circumstances. If you can work at it together, it will feel that much less lonely for you, and he will feel that he has your support.
OP, I was you 10 yrs ago. I was 26 and childless and met a man who had been widowed 18mth earlier and had 2 kids aged 2/12 and 4.
I became involved with the DC much earlier than I wanted and in fact was introduced to them by him way before I was comfortable. Which I now see I should have heeded as warning sign. The DC were mainly being cared for by both sets of GP's so he could continue to work, in fact all he did was bedtime during the week and had his weekend nights free.
It was all very chaotic with GP's handling the DC very different ways.
To cut a long story short I moved in 6mths later and married him 14mths after meeting him and took on full time care of those DC. We then went on to have 2 DC together so I am now a mum of 4 great kids. However we are now in the midst of divorce.
The main reasons being that he effectively treated me like an unpaid nanny, but had little involvement and gave little support to me in raising the kids. But I also found myself resenting the fact that by marrying him I was robbed of sharing 'first' experiences with him ie he had already been married, had a baby so was old hat and thus very unenthusiastic about my new experiences. I would say that his emotional distance is very much specific to him as a character not just because he was widowed. Whilst I certainly didn't want him to put me on a pedestal and be forever grateful to me I did feel he never appreciated how much of a commitment for me it was taking on two kids as my own.
I have a fantastic relationship with my two older DC (I never refer to them as step children as I have been there mom for 10 years) and in fact they so far have chosen to remain with me since the split.
I often think that if I had my time again I would steer well clear, mainly because my XDH is a truly difficult person but also because having been involved with the kids from early on our life was generally more regimented and not at all care free and focused on the kids and their needs/ well being which left little time for fun and bonding as a couple. Being widowed meant there was very little respite but also two sets of in laws on his side to deal with plus my parents as well.
I think that if we had been able to spend a significant amount of time together minus DC just being a normal carefree couple I would have picked up on our incompatibility a lot sooner and most likely wouldn't have stayed with him for that long let alone married him. But as it was I think looking after the DC was the glue that kept us together and hid the flaws in our relationship because we were so focused on them ( well I certainly was, him not much so!)
Anyway sorry for the long rant. From my experience it is very hard and your feelings of resentment are perfectly normal. It is absolutely fine to want time on your own with your DP in fact I would go so far to say that it is vital and he does need to make time away from the DC to spend exclusively with you. Even if it just going for a coffee together.
Take it slowly and don't take on too much responsibility for the kids too soon. Accept they will always be his priority but you don't have to make them your priority just yet.
Good luck and pm me anytime.
OP, the last thing I would ever do is berate you. You are in an incredibly difficult position. I think you are realising that the fact that you are long distance is shielding you somewhat from the reality of the situation (that you then discovered on holiday), but then again you can't move in together and discover the true, permanent reality of the situation until you are ready to commit. It's a vicious circle, and the reason I HATE when people berate stepmothers with the old 'well you knew what you were getting into...' line. Impossible to know beforehand!
I am a childless stepparent. I was in my twenties when I met DP with his 4 year old child.
The truth is, I have only had to deal with one stepchild, who is with us every other weekend plus extra in the holidays. Absolutely no problems with the ex, no behavioural problems, everything simple.
And yet still, I have questioned whether I can do it. For some of the reasons you've talked about, and more.
If it had been THREE stepchildren, FULL TIME, probably damaged from their mother's death, with no mother of their own...honestly, there's no way I would have been able to take that on. Absolutely no way. DP is the only man I have ever loved, but I know without a doubt I would have had to walk away in that situation. I am simply not ready for it, and I couldn't have coped. I applaud you for even being able to think you might be able to do it, but unfortunately I have no advice for you. I really hope you do find some good advice here though.
OP, my partner is a widower with older children. We are LDR, like you. I have no children. When he and one teenager and I went on holiday I found it so, so difficult, and he didn't really understand why. We had a big row. I would suggest just taking it slowly and not judging or being harsh on yourself. It is bloody difficult! PS I think maybe lots of mums secretly wish for bedtime too.
I was a childless full-time stepmother for 6 years as DP had sole custody of SD, and we were long distance to start with too. ( Though we now have two children together as well)
It was absolutely, without doubt the hardest thing I ever did in my life. You do miss out, you are cheated out of the romantic part of a relationship. And in all honesty 9 years later I am still a little sad and resentful of it (if I stop to think about it). It certainly means there are no shared bonds and memories of you as a couple to fall back on when times are tough.
In some ways being a full-time SM is easier because you have to accept from the outset - this is it, this is my life, this is our family. It is the norm - you don't spend your weekends or holidays thinking the children will be going home to their Mum soon. They are with you 24/7 - it's all you know. That high and low trough some StepParents live with of anticipating arrivals and departures isn't there.
But there are obvious difficulties - no time off, no time as a couple, people feel they can judge you and your actions without stopping to think that you are a person with needs caught in the middle of this too.
Finding someone or somewhere you can discuss your feelings about your situation with support and empathy is incredibly important. Almost all scenarios will focus on the children and their needs - if you are to get through this you will need an outlet that will let you focus on what you are feeling/thinking. Even if you think your feelings are 'bad', even if others (who have never gone through anything like it) would judge you. Most likely that place will be on the internet, with anonymous strangers who are going through what you are going through. They are really the only ones who understand the pressures and stresses, the sadness and bewilderment of being a childless stepmother.
I had one SD, who was just preteen when we got together so I knew that the day to day realities of step parenting had an end for me in 10 or so years. I don't know that I could have done it without that knowledge or with 3 children. That is really, really daunting.
On a practical level I would advice you not to shift in together for a long, long time even if you move closer to each other. You need to know in your heart whether or not you want children of your own and what your partner feels about that. These need to be decided upfront.
Those things you are feeling don't go away though they may become minimised and you can learn to live with them. But entering a relationship as childless step mum does come at a cost and I think it is far kinder to yourself to acknowledge that and let yourself mourn it and see if you can work around it than pretend that loss doesn't exist.
Goodluck xx
Firstly - thank you, everyone. I am so touched by your responses, I have a lot of guilt and sadness about my feelings and don't really have anyone to talk to about it, besides my partner who can only try his best to understand.
TheMumsRush - thank you, not feeling very lovely at times! Obviously my partner and his children have been through a lot, and sometimes it feels like I'm just making things harder. How pitiful I sound
Petal02 - thank you, the fact that the children are so young and that there are 3 of them very close in age is extremely daunting. I never even had much to do with children before I met my partner (since being one myself, that is...)
Eliza - thank you, I really really hope that I do. Completely forgot our ages - I'm 25, partner is 39. You are right about asking whether I can sacrifice my own hopes and dreams - lots of things that I took for granted, like living with a partner for a while before becoming a family, having a choice in how big a family we wanted, being free to move house if we wanted or live abroad... as much as I want a future with this man, it's hard to picture as it will be so far removed from anything I ever anticipated for myself.
daftgeranium - thanks, so glad others feel the same way. I have told my partner how I feel about us having missed a stage in our relationship, and feeling sad about that. He tried to say that we would have time alone together in the evenings, but I pointed out that the children won't be going to bed at 7.30pm forever! And then he agreed that yes, the expectation would be that evenings would be spent together as a family. His parents and sister are supportive, and they provide the childcare every other weekend, but it is a big ask of them to look after 3 small children so often, and considering how long we will likely be long distance for, the frequency might have to be cut down.
Lookingforthebrightside - thank you, sounds like we found ourselves in a similar situation. I'm sorry to hear how it ended for you, but quite a testimony to you and the children that you have such a good relationship. I'm studying at university at the moment, and will be for another 2 and a half years - my aim is to work afterwards, and my partner is agreed that childcare would largely be down to him, in terms of the day to day school runs and so on. He has no expectations on me in terms of looking after the children, apart from to be caring and loving and for us to be a happy family. If only it were that easy!
riverboat - thanks, you hit the nail on the head with the vicious circle comment. That is exactly how it feels, and when my partner and I discuss the situation, we just go round and round. Ideally, I would be nearer, and would be able to pop in for a few hours / the odd evening, to get a better feel for the situation. As it is, it's hard to know how we will ever feel secure that it can work. Sometimes I think I should walk away, when I feel sad about the long distance, scared about potential future step children, when my partner is sad because of me - but I always come back to the fact that I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, and that if it were just the two of us I genuinely believe we would have a very happy relationship. Hard to walk away from that.
GiveItYourBestFucker - thank you, so you've been in the holiday situation too! I have never felt so isolated, frustrated, bored, scared... my poor partner, part of me wishes I could have kept a bottle on my feelings until we got home but I was so devastated to suddenly feel like I was out of my depth. I'm sure a lot of mums do wish for bedtime, I know my partner is glad to have time to himself.
moreyear - thanks, that is exactly what I miss / think I will miss - memories of that time before you had children. We are going on holiday together in a couple of weeks - it will be the longest time we have ever had alone together, so might be a bit strange! We try to do nice things and build some nice experiences together, but to be honest a lot of what I miss already is just the day to day things. Coming home to your other half, having dinner together (uninterrupted dinner), lie ins at the weekend... so much so that lately, on our weekends together, I have preferred just being at home to going out and doing anything - just that little bit of domesticity is what I miss! Not so good for building memories together though...
I'd like to say again that I really am grateful for all of the comments. I've had a lot of sleepless nights over this, and realise that there no real answers, but it has helped immensely to hear your thoughts.
Hiya -
I think you're taking it for granted that you'll have to be their mother figure and take on a very serious role in the household. Perhaps you would eventually, and of course if you move in together, but for now your DP is entitled to be in a relationship and there's no reason you can't do it like any other relationship would be. It is possible to carve out that special time for you two, and also it's normal to be wondering if you're in it for the long term or not and waiting to see -- all relationships are like that at the start!
If he wasn't with you he would still need to date someone else before a longer term relationship started.
I think you should keep in mind (and phrase it to him) that you want to take things slowly. Then also suggest that he get a babysitter for one of the nights you see him each month. This isn't selfish at all: if there's any man who sounds like he deserves to be bought a drink, have an adult conversation and a kiss on the way home it's that man!!
Hi copcake
I see what you're saying, and we are quite fortunate in the amount of time that we get to spend without the children. I have been pushing for that a lot more since our failed summer holiday, mostly because I'm so scared of the whole thing at the moment, and am probably avoiding the reality by just spending time with DP.
If it were just him and me, I wouldn't have any particular qualms about the future. I am extremely happy and settled as a 2-some. But I have had such negative feelings about the future with the children lately, that I don't want to just amble on and pretend everything is fine, then freak out and leave 2 years down the line. I've read a lot of posts on here from stepparents in varying situations, and it seems that the feelings that I have now don't really go away. Right now I just feel like I'm never going to be able to cope with the inevitable future situation, as much as I want to be fine with it.
And yes he does deserve all of those things
Hi OP. I'm childless and am a step mum to a seven year old girl. We have her every weekend, and have done since she was three. I was 23 when we got together and my god it was difficult. We went on holiday the three of us after around a year and I was bloody miserable, having a four year old all week abroad. I have never been so board & fed up, and it came as a shock that this was our holiday, not mine.
I really struggled to share my DP . I kept telling myself I wouldn't want to be with a man that didn't put his child first, but I very much felt second best and pushed out. She wouldn't cuddle me or c
(Posted too soon) or come near me, interrupted all our conversations, stuck herself in between us on the sofa and it made me really sad and upset.
We moved in together after about 18 months and time has changed so much. In fact DP has gone out & me and DSD are about to settle down for snuggles and a film together for a girly night!
It's still not always easy, and sometimes I still feel on the outside, but things have got better, because DP is worth it. I'd rather have both of them than neither.
You have plenty of time to work things out for yourself, and it really does get better & easier. There will always be something to make things hard, but I think that's the same for all relationships, and it's worth working on for the right person. No one is making you make a decision now, just see how it goes, and do feel free to PM me if you want to talk
Are you very keen on him? I don't feel that you owe it to him to marry him or live with him. If you don't like it and it's not what you feel you can cope with, then I think it's okay not to go ahead with the relationship. But if you do go ahead, then try to embrace it and make it work. Think of France as a taster of what your life with him/them would be like.
All mothers long for bedtime. We live for it. But we love our own children so much that the utter exhaustion and annoyance and lack of privacy and money is bearable. Without that intense love, I don't know how anyone would put up with it.
It's okay to choose an easier path.
op you sound lovely!
Not much to add to the sound advice above but I wish you luck in what ever you decide.
What wonderful support from MN .
Goodness. I just read that you are 14 years younger than him and only 25. He's a lucky man to have you even consider it. You are so young, so wonderfully young. At your age, I wouldn't have done it. And I wouldn't want my daughter at the age of 25 to do it.
Hi Saysa, I am a non parent SM to be and my DSD was 14 when I met her. We have t always had it easy, there was a lot of adjusting to be done on both sides, but I can honestly say we got there and I thinks she fantastic.
Perhaps your holiday wasn't the disaster you think, can you try seeing it as a building of relationships exercise instead? If be shocked if it had went swimmingly tbh. I second the babysitter for one of your nights.
Do you see yourself having your own child with your DP? (We lost two but still trying.) You have a great head start in knowing what an amazing Dad he is already. Your DSC will grow up with you as a role model, you sound like a very caring person with a lot to offer them.
Any chance you could try a little one to one time with each of them? Playing Lego or drawing for example. I'm a great believer in fake it till you make it and shared experiences speed that process up.
He sounds like a keeper but in the end only you know of you can make this commitment. It must have been so tough for all of them, sounds like he's doing a great job.
wishing you luck.
Hi everyone - thanks for the replies. My head's going round with it all at the moment. We are going on holiday (just the 2 of us) next week and I'm trying to forget all the troubles and just enjoy it, without starting any conversations about the future... think we both deserve time where we can have fun and leave our difficulties to when we get home!
Hi AlyssB - I know what you mean about it being hard to share, which is ridiculous because the children were very much there first, and will always come first! When they are all cuddled up on the sofa together, with no room for me - can feel a bit like being left out. But the children have generally been accepting and affectionate towards me. The eldest one is desperate for a new mummy, gives me cuddles and kisses, and asks if me and her Daddy are going to get married. It's hard - I don't want to get their hopes up (not that I'm much of a catch in the stepmother department) but don't want to rebuke their affections, and there are times when I really just want my DP's affections instead! Well done to you for making it work, like the sound of the girly night
nkf - unfortunately yes, rather fond! Aw I shouldn't say unfortunately. I don't feel obliged at all - I just want to give it a fair shot, which I don't feel I have at the moment. France was a taster but I think (perhaps naively) that it wasn't very realistic to how our day-to-day life together will be. I was literally stuck there - couldn't drive the car, couldn't go out unless it was with DP and kids, no school for the kids or work for me... But it's quite hard to gauge how day-to-day life will be because of the long distance and lack of free time to spend any significant amount of time with him and the kids. And as for being 25 - my mother isn't too thrilled at the prospect either, bless her.
tinkertaylor1 - thank you, indeed wonderful support. Never posted on a forum like this before, and did expect to be flamed a bit - a widower, 3 grieving young children, and me moaning and saying it's hard for me!
Hi fackinell - lovely to hear you think your SD is fantastic. Although I never really wanted such a big family, I don't want to miss out on the experience of having my own children because DP already has 3, so yes. And DP wants it too (one day, vasectomy reversal depending). Doing things with them one-on-one is a good idea, 3 is very daunting at times as they all want the one-on-one attention. I feel like I was getting somewhere with the children, but then post-France I haven't seen them a lot and I have visions of turning up soon and being back to square one because I haven't been around as much as I used to be. But I haven't got much time at the moment to dedicate to them. It's all a bit catch-22.
Thanks again everyone, so appreciative.
Enjoy your holiday. It'll be lovely to be a proper couple for you both.
Thank you!
Have a lovely time, saysa. 25 is so so young. Please don't settle for something that's not right for you, if your core tells you that's the case eventually. Take your time working it out but it's harder to extricate yourself way down the line.
Thanks Tessa!
OP, I can't really see a resolution to the things you say that you want more of from the relationship. He simply can't give you the long periods of time for the two of you just to be a couple nor should he feel pressured to. It goes around in circles because what can he be expected to do (beyond the occasional babysitter etc)? I do feel though that you have a very idealised notion of what couplehood would be like without the children and that it would be equally shattered even if he didn't have (and never had) the girls and the two of you went on to have children. It would be best to walk away now rather than commit yourself to a life you don't want to lead because he has to put them first (not all the time but when it comes to their care).
Hey sayas
Childless SM right now of DSD (13yo). DH was lone parent so DSD lives full time with us. We were long distance too. If any slight thing was different about our relationship (toxic mother, more kids on either side etc) I don't believe we would work.
I feel quite privileged to be married to someone whose child is blossoming thanks to her parents work (and my contribution). It makes my life easier and it's great to know DSD will learn about marriage from us (her parents didn't marry or live together). Lord help her - it's still early days! :-)
But it's a challenge!
- all healthy relationships need you to be a fulfilled person first, someone else cannot fulfil you, esp if they have pre-existing responsibilities to kids
- don't ignore poor behaviour from your partner or make excuses for him
- you need a thick skin, it'll get emotional
- 'mum' will still be around
- never underestimate what the kids are going through
- read good stepparenting books. I found The Smart Step Family good (don't let the faith aspect put you off - it's not preachy and still relevant)
- do not move your relationship too fast. We extended our wedding date 3 times despite our DSD wanting us to marry about a year earlier.
- relationship dynamics can change in any direction over the years - prepare yourself
- keep in mind many biological families go through some things step families do - rest assured it's not just about being a 'step.'
Hope that helps!
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subset: commoncrawl


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Southern Natural Gas Company
Seventh Revised Volume No. 1
Contents / Previous / Next / Main Tariff Index
Effective Date: 09/01/2009, Docket: RP09-427-002, Status: Effective
Fourth Revised Sheet No. 113A Fourth Revised Sheet No. 113A
Superseding: First Revised Sheet No. 113a
Section 6.1 (continued)
and SHIPPER shall specify on said Exhibit A the Maximum Daily Receipt Quantity of gas to be received
for transportation at said point. For service performed under the FT Rate Schedule and FT-NN Rate
Schedule, the sum of the Maximum Daily Receipt Quantities specified on the Exhibit A to the Service
Agreement shall not exceed the Transportation Demand specified in the Service Agreement. Exhibit A-1
to SHIPPER'S Service Agreement under Rate Schedule FT or Rate Schedule FT-NN shall consist of all
Receipt Points at which interruptible capacity is available on COMPANY'S contiguous pipeline system.
For service performed under the IT Rate Schedule and a Liquefiables Transportation Agreement, Exhibit
A to the Service Agreement shall consist of all Receipt Points on COMPANY'S system, as supplied by
COMPANY on SoNet Premier which are available for SHIPPER'S interruptible transportation service.
Nothwithstanding the foregoing, if (i) a SHIPPER'S primary Receipt Point is not active such that no
gas is capable of flowing upstream of the point for twelve (12) consecutive months or (ii) damage to
or destruction of facilities prevents any gas supplies from flowing from SHIPPER's primary Receipt
Point for a period of thirty (30) consecutive days ("30-day scenario"), then SHIPPER shall provide in
writing to COMPANY an election whether or not to continue contracting for such primary Receipt Point
within thirty (30) days of COMPANY's notification. COMPANY shall notify all firm shippers with the
affected Receipt Point as their primary point in writing or as a notice on SoNet Premier of such
inactivity. As part of such election, SHIPPER may elect to transfer such primary Receipt Point on its
Exhibit A to the nearest downstream Receipt Point that is flowing gas and has sufficient firm
capacity or such other point as mutually agreed between COMPANY and SHIPPER that is active and has
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Section 6.3 of these General Terms and Conditions. If such transfer results in firm capacity
request(s) exceeding the firm capacity available at a replacement Receipt Point, SHIPPER shall
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Additional replacement Receipt Points may be assigned or mutually agreed to in accordance with this
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original primary Receipt Point over other shippers that did not hold MDRQ at the Receipt Point. If
the restored Receipt Point capacity is less than the capacity at the Receipt Point prior to such
damage or destruction in the 30-day scenario described above in (ii), SHIPPER shall receive its pro-
rata share of the new capacity to determine its MDRQ at the Receipt Point based on the ratio of its
previous MDRQ to the prior capacity or the SHIPPER may leave the entire MDRQ at the replacement
Receipt Point. If SHIPPER does not elect to return its primary Receipt Point to the restored Receipt
Point within thirty (30) days of such notification of Receipt Point restoration, then this option
will terminate. Alternatively, in the event that a SHIPPER elects to retain its primary Receipt Point
in the 30-day Scenario and did not elect to obtain a replacement Receipt Point, that Shipper would
not be subject to pro-rating if service to the Receipt Point is restored at a reduced level.


text:
Chelsea probably now need to win the final against Bayern Munich to ensure their 10th successive involvement.
If Cissé's opener was classy enough, a good first touch and then firm finish, the Senegal international's second, his 13th in 12 games, was simply sensational. When the ball fell his way after determined work by the substitute Shola Ameobi, Cissé hit it first time with the outside of his right boot. The angle was relatively tight, the distance considerable.
Some people looked away, not contemplating the possibility that as good a goalkeeper as Petr Cech could be beaten from there. Yet from 25 yards out on the left, Cissé's half-volley flew through the moist night air, totally catching Cech out and speeding into the net.
It was one of those moments when the silence of the disbelieving reigned. It was as if Newcastle fans, staff and players needed a split second to absorb what they had seen, to rub their eyes, realise it was not mere reverie and that the ball really was in the back of Cech's net.
It was a special way to cement Newcastle's first league triumph at the Bridge since 1986, a result that leaves Chelsea sixth, four points off the Champions League positions with two games remaining. Chelsea's proud Champions League qualifying record all but rests on a battling night in Bavaria.
Cissé's second was also a late entry to goal of the season vying with Robin van Persie's volley against Everton, Peter Crouch's volley against Manchester City, Luis Suárez's long-ranger against Norwich City, Hatem Ben Arfa's solo effort against Bolton and Sebastian Coates' strike against QPR. Amongst others.
The only bad element to Cissé's timing was that it came 48 hours after the Premier League closed voting for "best goal" of the 20 seasons.
That would have placed Cissé in august company, including Tony Yeboah's volley against Liverpool, David Beckham's 50-yarder over Wimbledon's Neil Sullivan, Paolo Di Canio's scissors kick against Wimbledon, Thierry Henry's volley past Fabien Barthez and Dennis Bergkamp's bemusing of Nikos
Dabizas and shot past Shay Given. Amongst celebrated others.
Cissé's strike immediately earned a huge audience on YouTube. In truth, footage of the goal deserved a special screening at the Odeon Leicester Square with a red carpet outside and an invited A-list audience inside.
Signed for only £9 million from Freiburg, Cissé dominated last night's show.
The build-up to Newcastle's 19th-minute opener was as good as Cissé's finish. No wonder Alan Pardew celebrated so passionately. No wonder the away bench went crazy. This was the type of precise, fast-moving football that Pardew has drilled and instilled in this Newcastle side, much to the delight of their vociferous support in the corner of the Shed.
The ball was manipulated at speed into the danger area. Davide Santon, the visitors' left-back, darted down the flank, running on to a clever pass from Jonás Gutiérrez. The Argentine's delivery was good, encouraging Santon to advance and pick out Cissé. The Senegal international still had much to do but his response was from the very highest drawer, totally in keeping with a forward in form. Controlling the ball instantly with his right boot, Cissé's left did the rest, rifling an unstoppable shot past Cech.
There is a lithe athleticism to Pardew's players, a pace and tactical discipline that makes them such significant opposition. Newcastle were effectively 4-4-2 with Ben Arfa running at young Ryan Bertrand and Gutiérrez taking on Jose Bosingwa. Cissé and Demba Ba looked to find gaps between Branislav Ivanovic and John Terry, who endured an uncomfortable night. The pace and movement of Pardew's front pair was a constant thorn in Chelsea's side.
Chelsea rallied, briefly reviving memories of their strong start when Fernando Torres really menaced Newcastle's defence. After Cissé's goal, Torres showed again, whipping in a great cross met by Florent Malouda. The Frenchman's header flew well wide, eliciting sighs from the Chelsea faithful. Raul Meireles lifted in a corner but Ivanovic headed over.
Newcastle finished the half the better. Ba raced through, too quick for Meireles, too elusive for Ivanovic, but his low shot failed to beat Cech. Ben Arfa curled in the corner but Bertrand cleared. Ben Arfa changed the angle of his ensuing corner, playing it low to Yohan Cabaye, who failed to make significant contact. Fortuitously for Newcastle, the ball carried to Ba, who hit his near namesake. Still Newcastle pressed, Cabaye clipping in a cross that Mike Williamson headed over.
Even with Juan Mata pulling a few strings after the break, Chelsea were still not at the races. The most style seen from somebody with Chelsea connections was their former midfielder, Gus Poyet, the current Brighton & Hove Albion manager, who was presented to the fans at the break, wearing the most elegant coat witnessed here since Jose Mourinho was in town.
Drogba arrived on the hour for Malouda, triggering a huge roar. The ground soon fell to a hush as poor Cheick Tioté fell to earth, sent spinning by an aerial challenge from John Obi Mikel. His forehead cut open, Tioté leant forward but then fell back, and the medics rushed on. For seven minutes, they worked to make Tioté comfortable, putting on a neck brace and then lifting him gently on to a stretcher. As he was carried off, the whole ground broke into sympathetic applause.
When the game resumed, Terry met a Mata corner with a typically powerful header cleared off the line by Santon but then came Cissé, conjuring up some real magic. Pardew had hardly finished leaping about gleefully when he had more good news with Tioté returning to the dugout. Some night.


text:
Last night, my friend and I had a lovely dinner at Souen, at the restaurant's 13th Street location. I had never been. Out of curiosity, I read everything I could find about the restaurant on the Internet. My search yielded some very mixed results.
I loved it, but it's possible that I only loved this place because it appeals to my personality; the food is healthy but still tasty and creatively prepared, the restaurant offers a wide variety of dishes and price points, the decor is eclectic and homey, the service is not pretentious, and the people that eat here are generally laid-back and interesting to watch.
My friend and I had a really difficult time deciding what to order because everything on the menu sounded so good! Finally, we decided to share a salad as an appetizer. We chose the Chef salad (broccoli, cauliflower, carrot, daikon, avocado, cucumber, sprout, yam, and seaweed on a bed of mesclun with choice of carrot or oil-free sesame dressing, $8). This salad is definitely for sharing! The bowl was the size of a large fruit serving bowl, and the veggies were plentiful and artfully arranged. Everything was fresh; the avocado tasted especially good! We both remarked on how perfectly ripe the sliced avocado was. I also really liked the carrot-ginger dressing that we chose, which was served in a dish on the side; it was tangy, thick and subtly sweet, a perfect complement to the freshness of the veggies.
We both ordered the Tahini-noodle (cold buckwheat noodle, carrot, daikon, cucumber, sprout with tahini sauce, $5). I loved this! The noodles were firm and chewy, and the tahini sauce that was drizzled over them tasted decadent. The sesame seeds added a toasty flavor to this dish. This is definitely comfort food for the health-conscious.
In addition, we both also ordered the small fish plate ($8). My friend ordered fluke, the fish of the day, and I ordered salmon broiled with teriyaki sauce. The serving size was very small, about half of a normal serving, but the quality of the fish was excellent. My fish was subtly flavored with teriyaki, which brought out the smooth texture of the fresh salmon. It was cooked perfectly. I enjoyed every bite!
I regret nothing about this place except that my friend and I didn't order different dishes so that I could have tasted some other items on the extensive, diverse menu. I would absolutely, positively come back to Souen for clean food at a reasonable price.
What do other people think?


text:
The Senators have acquired defenceman Andy Sutton from the New York Islanders.
Sources told QMI Agency the Senators have given up a second round pick to acquire Sutton.
GM Bryan Murray wanted to get a deal done Tuesday in advance of Wednesday's 3 p.m. trade deadline and had been saying he would look for a defenceman to provide depth along the blue line.
In 567 career NHL games with the San Jose Sharks, Minnesota Wild, Atlanta Thrashers and the Islanders, Sutton has scored 34 goals, added 101 assists and 984 penalty minutes.
The Senators host the New York Rangers tonight.


text:
368 Tasting Notes
Using up the last of this, today.
I don't know why I love drinking something that tastes like the demolition site of pre-war construction, but I do. I love it.
I've been listening to your tunes on sound cloud whilst browsing your pu-erh reviews. It's been good :) A few artists come to mind: Aphex Twin, Brian Eno and The Stone Roses.
I'm cheating a bit, because I drank this about a week ago, not today, but I realized I never logged it (my brother was still visiting and I was trying not to be a laptop cave troll).
This is, hands down, my favorite tea in the world. I used to drink this tea every single day of my life. The only reason I don't now is vague concerns about health risks from particulate matter arising from soft wood smoke.
If you like smokey teas, but find many lapsang are too bacon or too house fire, try Black Dragon. A solid, smokey flavor, but still tastes like TEA.
My brother left a bag of this here at the house last week while visiting. He somehow ended up with it, and didn't like it much, I guess.
This produces an amazingly black cup of tea. I actually broke down, broke my rule of thumb, and put some dairy in this just because it is so strong and has so much bite.
If you like really classic, strong black tea, this is the way to go.
While he was visiting, I boiled some of it in milk with chai spices and it makes AMAZING chai.
I have had the Phuguri Estate second flush from TeaG many times while living in Chicago.
It is an eye opener to get to try a second tea from the same garden, as a different flush, to get a real sense of how flushes are truly different.
This tea is much more green than I remember the second flush. It has a fair bit of vegetal bite at the finish in the mouth. But not in a bad way. I just recall the second flush being a lot less volatile and golden.
First flush is not always a short cut to "the best" in spite of what some traditions may insist upon.
First and foremost, this name makes me giggle. Enough said.
The dry leaf is incredibly small. It looks like a broken, tippy tea.
The scent from the dry leaf is that very typical deep, earthy, loamy, mushroom smell.
The scent from the wet leaf is, as with some others I've reviewed, like an unpainted wooden cabin or shed, very dusty, that has absorbed a lot of heat energy from the sun. There is a smell that goes with this and you either know it, or you don't.
The scent from the cup is more like the dry leaf than the wet. Always fascinating when that happens.
The flavor of the liqueur oddly subtle, given the above. Porcini mushroom and wet stone with a surprisingly swift finish. Almost nothing lingers here except the aroma.
This is not nearly as fascinating as the two pu-erh I got from CS, but then, it wasn't nearly as dear, either. This is priced to be a daily drinker if you're into pu-erh the way I am.
I'm really not sleeping well, at all; I'm not at all clear on why, either. It isn't that I cannot get comfortable or that the room is too warm or too cool. I just keep waking up at such short intervals that I get no real rest. So I need tea. Lots of it. And a sense of something cozy.
These Paklum Tips are the biggest, fuzziest, softest white tea I've ever seen.
The cup brews up a cheery, bright yellow which fades to golden brown.
The flavor is not as complex as some of the flat leaf white teas, but probably also not as fragile. Soft, fuzzy and mildly earthy, like the leaves themselves, this tea is like a gentle hug from a girl you used to have a crush on, years ago, and these days you're just happy to see each other happy.
I can't help but wonder if there is a problem with consistency from batch to batch with this tea, because the other tasting note speaks of broken, short tips. My leaves here are so soft they couldn't break and they are quite long. Not a "silver needle" at all, just a bag full of fuzzy buds.


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PORT-DANIEL – GASCONS, QC, July 31, 2014 /CNW Telbec/ - McInnis Cement announced that the financial structure of its new generation cement plant under construction in the Gaspé region has been completed. National Bank of Canada, as sole bookrunner of the bank syndicate, has confirmed the availability of a $360M loan for the project. This amount is in addition to the $500M in equity from private and public investors including the joint venture formed by the groupe Beaudier and La Caisse de dépôt et placement du Québec, as well as the participation of Investissement Québec (IQ). Furthermore, IQ has also provided a $250M commercial loan, for a total of 1.1 billion $.
« We are pleased that the project can be realized without any subsidy; we are also very proud to be able to complete, more than 30 years after it was imagined by local entrepreneurs, this visionary, ambitious and modern cement plant at the cutting edge of technology », says Christian Gagnon, CEO of McInnis Cement. « Construction has begun and the project is well under way. Moreover, the ecological footprint of this flagship project for the cement industry in Canada and across the world will be one of the lowest in the industry. »
Project details
The Port-Daniel cement plant:
The project will use petroleum coke as fuel, an oil refinery residue with a high heating value. The cement plant represents one of the more ecological ways of putting this residue to good use. Its kilns that operate at very high temperatures enable its usage while reducing atmospheric emissions through a succession of high performing filtration stages of the combustion gases.
« Over the coming years, we intend to reduce even further the greenhouse gas emissions (GHG) by partly replacing the petroleum coke with biomass, available in the Gaspé region. This partial conversion to biomass is at the very heart of the concept of this new cement plant » added Mr. Gagnon.
McInnis Cement has released, on a voluntary basis, the documents related to the environmental assessment of the Port-Daniel cement plant project, although the project is not subject to the BAPE process. However, the environmental Impact study has been updated – a comprehensive, rigorous and meticulous undertaking performed by dozens of professionals from independent firms – and has been available on the McInnis Cement website since November 2013. Moreover, the monitoring committee of the project has been active since March 2013 and an information office has been opened in Port-Daniel since June 2013 to answer questions of citizens and workers wishing to learn more about the project.
« We have received at our offices people who are proud to see this major project move forward, as well as workers pleased to be part of the construction of a project that will have a significant economic impact for years to come, and that will provide quality jobs to the Gaspé region. The Port-Daniel cement plant will favorably position Quebec on the North American export market and strengthen its competitiveness in the cement industry. For years, we haven't seen such a unique project of its type and size in all of eastern North America. We are determined to make the Port-Daniel cement plant a sustainable and profitable project for all Quebeckers », concluded Mr Gagnon.
Image with caption: "McInnis Cement (CNW Group/McInnis Cement)". Image available at: http://photos.newswire.ca/images/download/20140731_C2605_PHOTO_EN_4557.jpg
Image with caption: "3D simulation of the Port-Daniel cement plant (CNW Group/McInnis Cement)". Image available at: http://photos.newswire.ca/images/download/20140731_C2605_PHOTO_EN_4558.jpg
SOURCE: McInnis Cement
For further information: Maryse Tremblay, 418 391-7525
McInnis Cement
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text:
Ventria Bioscience to Attend Annual BIO Conference
|| Print |
|Thursday, 23 June 2011 17:30 (UTC + 2)
Ventria will present ExpressTec at the Kansas Pavilion in the Exhibit Hall and will participate in BIO's One-on-One Partnering Sessions.
Ventria will be exhibiting as part of the Kansas Pavilion at booth number 4637 and will be participating in BIO's One-on-One partnering sessions.
"Ventria is excited to be joining the biotech industry in Washington, DC. The innovative spirit of the biotech industry thrives when we collaborate and create win-win relationships that deliver better healthcare outcomes for patients around the world," said Scott Deeter, President and CEO, Ventria Bioscience.
Ventria Bioscience


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Disclaimer: Laura Ingalls Wilder and the Little House series do not belong to me! If they did, there would be all kinds of crazy things happening, like witches and werewolves and zombie plagues.
A/N: Okay, I must admit, I would love to read about Laura and Almanzo as badass zombie killers. Here's my short attempt to portray them as such. (And Faust is not dead! Just put aside for the moment as I work on another YGO project.)
"It's a queer country out there," Pa said. "Strange things happen."
"Yes," said Ma. "I'm thankful that so far they don't happen to us."
It was a hot afternoon with the wind coming strongly from the south, but out on the Dakota prairie in 1885 no one minded the hot sunshine or hard winds. They were to be expected: a natural part of life. And there were other, less natural things to mind.
The whole prairie had been silent since morning, all birdsong vanished, the prairie chickens burrowed deep in the grass and not a jackrabbit in sight. Every single striped gopher had gone to earth. It was surely a sign of bad things to come.
In the sitting room of the four-room shanty she and Manly called home, Laura was patching her calico work dress. She made a pretty picture, pink-cheeked and intent upon her task, the very image of industrious domesticity. She was trying very hard not to think about the uneasy silence of the prairie, which was so quiet she could hear the steady thump-thumping of her heart and the whoosh of her breath as she breathed sweet summer air in and out. The only other sound under the blue sky was Laura's own voice as she hummed:
"Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man;
He washed his face in a frying pan,
He combed his hair with a wagon wheel,
And died of a toothache…
"Why, Manly!" she exclaimed, for Almanzo had come running to the sitting room, pale to his lips. "What is the matter?"
For a moment Almanzo could not speak. At last he said, in a dreadful voice, "They are coming."
Laura put down her needle and stood at once. "Prince and Lady," she said.
"I will see to Prince and Lady, and Fawn and the rest," Almanzo said. "You must stay here where it is safe. I wish I could leave Shep with you."
"You must take Shep," said Laura stoutly. "I will be all right."
How she wanted him to stay! But he must reach the barn, she knew, to make things snug before the shambling things could reach Prince and Lady, and stand guard there beside Fawn until the last wave of dead had passed.
Almanzo placed the spare rifle in her hands. "You will be fine," he encouraged her. "There is nothing to it. I have seen you do it before. You are as sharp a shot as any man I know."
She had done it before with Pa standing beside her, picking off the ones she missed, Laura thought, but said nothing. Pa! It would be Carrie standing beside him now, with Ma and Grace huddled together in the cellar. It was good that Mary was away at college now, safe from harm in her high dormitory tower.
"Be careful, Manly," she said. He touched her cheek in farewell, and then he stepped out the door, with Shep following eagerly at his heels.
Laura bolted the door behind them and dragged the kitchen table and chairs against it to form a neat barricade. When she had finished, she came to the kitchen window and saw what Manly had seen from the front porch. The black mass did not seem to be moving closer, but the smell of them was on the wind now, heavy and unpleasant in the hot Dakota sun.
She had overheard Pa talking about it with Mr. Edwards, in a little house long ago. It did not hurt much to be bitten, but the wounds would fester. It was the rot that killed you. It sank into your brain and made you something less than human, something unholy.
She was impatient with herself for feeling afraid. 'They are neither as clever as Indians, nor as quick,' she reminded herself sternly. 'Shep will look after Manly, and you are well protected inside this big house.' But she must keep them from hurting Almanzo.
So Laura fired as fast as she could. She pressed the butt of the rifle firmly against her shoulder and shot round after round, until she was shivering from head to foot and her arm was cramped from holding the gun. There was a ripe, wet sound each time her bullet found its mark, both satisfying and sickening to hear.
There seemed to be no end of them. One after another they shuffled toward the house, toward Laura and the barn and Almanzo, arms horribly outstretched, dead mouths leering, their homespun clothes all caked with filth. Somewhere beyond the walls of the house Laura could hear Almanzo, calling encouragement to Fawn and Shep over the sound of his gun. Suddenly she was angry. They would not get Almanzo—not Almanzo or any of the cows, or Prince and Lady, not if she could help it.
'All right, come,' Laura thought grimly. She propped the rifle up on the windowsill and fired again and again and again, until the rifle was emptied of its bullets, and Almanzo was at the window, carefully finishing off the last of the creatures.
When it was over, he crawled in through the window, pulling Shep with him. In another moment his large hands closed on the barrel and took the gun gently from her. "Are you all right?" he asked her. "Was it too much for you?"
Laura's chest ached and her teeth were chattering. She slipped her hands under her apron to hide their trembling, and said only, "Oh, no."
"Fawn and Prince and Lady are fine," he told her. "They are a little spooked, but that is to be expected. There were not so many creatures this time. Perhaps they could not cross the slough."
"Yes," Laura said. "Are you hurt, Manly?"
"It is only a scratch," Almanzo said. "I caught my shoulder against the barn door as I was coming back to you."
They stood quietly in the kitchen with Shep panting between them. Slowly, the tight knot of cold in Laura's stomach began to loosen.
Almanzo said he must go to town. They must clear their land before night fell, and Cap Garland would surely lend a hand. He would stop to check on Royal and Pa on the way home, if he did not meet them on Main Street.
"It will delay your chores," Almanzo said, "but do not go outside, at any cost. If they should come again while I am gone, go to Lady—I have hitched Lady to the buggy—and drive to your pa's."
"I am sure it will not come to that," Laura said. "Do tell Cap he may stay to supper, if he likes."


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Allahu Akbar is a Muslim saying. It is often used in situations ranging from a greeting to an expression of strong sentiments. It is most correctly translated as "God is greater", but in many instances "God is great" is an equally correct translation. "Allahu Akbar" is the first part of the Adhan, which is heard 5 times daily in Muslim communities. The saying is a very strong expression that summarizes the entire core of Islam.
This Arabic phrase was added to the Iraqi flag, in Saddam Hussein's handwriting, in 2001. Muslims say it before changing positions during their prayers.