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Accessing Your Online Account
Accessing your account online is easy.
Click here or use the "My Account" button under the Library's Logo above.
Enter your library card number in the box titled "Patron/Alternate ID Number". Your library card number is the barcode number located on the back of your library card. The first five numbers will be "20187". Enter all digits without spaces. Enter the four digit PIN number assigned to your account in the box marked PIN. You can acquire a PIN number when you sign up for your library card, or you may request us to add it to your account any time (in person w/ID proof)
The next screen you see will be the Patron Information page. This is your account. You will see your name and other personal information on the left side of the page. Your Account Summary is on the right side. Your Account summary shows the number of loans, overdue items, holds, fees, etc.
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Decor Small Icewall - Blue136400-008 9300621010398
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Boasting a slim profile, the Decor Small Icewall keeps your food and drinks cool while taking up minimal space.
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- The Decor Small Icewall is a slim profile ice brick which is pre-filled with purified, non-toxic saline water so you can pop it in your freezer immediately.
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Another fun day at the office today, with a host of different customer issues and questions to work on.
Just before I manage to escape and get some breakfast when i get to the track lounge, I spy Bob Davidson, the C++ Dev Manager and a good pal, staring at the debugger screen. As a dyed-in-the-wool debugger guy, I can't resist coming up to figure out what's happening. The customer has moved his app over to 7.0, and has noticed that when he calls one of the crt functions, in this case strcpy, his app crashes with EIP pointing to a seemingly random place. Bob and I step through the disasm, and it looks like the import table has the wrong address in it, it seems to be another piece of code. Since there have been some major changes to do with the way applications link against the CRT, specifically the use of manifests to bind applications to the one single instance of the CRT installed on the machine, I'm immediately suspicious that there is some older version lying in the WinSxS Fusion directory. I whip out depends from the command line(admittedly, it had moved from PlatformSDK to the Common directory, and I hadn't even noticed) and run it on the customers dll. I see that it is complaining about ATL80.DLL not being present, but I dismiss this as bogus since the customers dll was loaded, and I executed code in it, therefor it must just be a path issue for the command line which I ran the depends tool on. A scan over the depends list of imports shows nothing amiss. Confused and puzzled I start to dial back on the linker smarts, e.g. linking with Edit and Continue enabled, or with incremental linking enabled. Another run - same problem. Now I'm concerned that there is some sort of corruption that is writing over the IAT in the customers dll. I find the address of the particular entry in the IAT I want to dereference. I run to a point where the customer says the dll is loaded, set my databreakpoint, hit F5, and watch it still crash without touching the databp. I figure we are too late by this time and I ask "so where do you load the dll". We step in and I see a piece of code similar to this:
HANDLE hDll = LoadLibraryEx(mydllpath,0,NULL);
if (!hDll)
hDll = LoadLibraryEx(mydllpath,0,DONT_RESOLVE_DLL_REFERENCES);
And of course it turns out that the catch-all code is being used for this customers dll. That DONT_RESOLVE_DLL_REFERENCES basically loads any code dll as an image but does not do the connection between code that this dll calls to any other dlls it needs (i.e. it never fills in the strcpy address). So why does it fail the first time, when we are just asking it to be loaded as a normal code dll? Well - it turns out depends was not bogus. ATL80.DLL couldn't be found by this dll as it did not have the correct manifest. Needless to say I felt validated as someone who can actually debug things still - I don't get as much time to dig into problems like this as I used to. Still for 20 mins out of the 30 mins session, I was thinking "Am I going to be able to solve this"? Maybe my "IRON Debugging" competition wouldn't be such a great idea after all...
Next up, Matt hooks me up with a customer who is struggling with badly performing code. The code is iterating over a large collection of Double values, which is something I actually put in the the hands on lab. The profiler points at the major issues - there are a ton of calls to get_Count and get_Item on his ArrayList. A quick look at his code and you can see the call to get_Count in the for loop, and the implicit calls to get_Item with [] syntax on the arraylist. Add to that the implicit unboxing and you have a scary time on your hands. So I had two simple pieces of advice - hoist the get_Count so it is not in the loop, and change to a generic list of floats. I come back to find his app goes from 8 seconds to 1 second on this simple advice. Again - I feel validated :).
Next up, I headed up to Rico's talk on tips and tricks for writing performant managed code. Rico started off emphasizing the need for measuring in doing performance - paraphrase "the top 10 things I tell people are measure, measure, ... <add 7 more measures>, and measure". Rico called out the great profiler in Team System (yay!) and also the CLRProfiler. Alot of what he talked about is free (or nearly free) perf gains in the CLR, especially the improved ngen story, the use of generics, how exceptions, reflection and full-trust got cheaper. Some of these, such as ngen, require some opt in on your part, but pay huge benefits in certain common scenarios. He also mentions improvements in the base class library. For more details, hop on over to his blog here.
Later in the track lounge I hear some interesting customer scenarios. I'm continually blown away at these types of events about just the power and scale of stuff that our customers are doing with the tools we build. One chap was discussing symbols server, which I'm delighted to hear customers making use of. More interesting is the fact that they have over 1TB worth of symbols stored for their shipped executables. Wow. Of course, with today's hard drive prices, you could probably do 1TB for around $500. But still - 1TB. The customers question is about accessing the symbol server on the other side of a firewall, so I try to hook him up with the right contact at MS (you know who you are Mr. DbgHelp).
Sean and Nick, the code analysis guys, happen to talk over some stuff about analyzing likely exceptions from code, and whether we could have annotations that would help drive that analysis. At this point late in the day, I couldn't stop myself from getting on my high horse, but it really is one of my most basic principles. The fact that the constructs are called "exceptions" should clue people in that they should be used in exceptional circumstances. But too many people nowadays don't think that it costs, and so use exception handling, especially in managed code, as flow control in their program. Rico said it best to me later in the day - (and I paraphrase here) "Think of an exception happening in your program as three beeps from your console and a 1 second delay - if you can live with that - fine". I guess I don't mind if people want to use it, but please, don't be surprised if performance becomes an issue. Each try block is basically free, but throwing is a lot of work for the CLR, where it needs to unwind the stack and call finally methods. It's faster than it was in 1.1, but it just ain't free.
The conference ended early as folks headed to the attendees party. Tomorrow looks to be a long and rewarding day however, since as well as a talk on the Team System bits that I'm directly involved with, we'll have Meet the Team System Team, and Ask the Experts events until late. Matt and I will be there again, trying to answer all your profiling, debugging an general diagnostics questions. Come talk to us!


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This is better attempted in the comfort of your own home than by the side of a road, as you need to be somewhere warm and dry, ideally with access to water.
Find the puncture
Once you have taken off the punctured inner tube (see page 62), you need to find the puncture. To do this, inflate the tyre and then listen for any hissing. If you're somewhere noisy, put it up to your cheek and you might be able to feel it. If you can neither hear nor feel any air escaping, submerge the tube in water and look for where the bubbles come from (a puddle will do in an emergency).
Mark, dry and glue
Mark the hole, either using the chalk or crayon that comes with some repair kits, or anything you have to hand. Dry the tube thoroughly and apply a thin, even layer of glue to the hole, covering the area of the patch as exactly as possible – try not to apply too much.
Leave the glue to almost dry for five minutes or so and then take the foil backing off the patch. Stick the patch over the puncture and press down as hard as you can (see illustration above), using a tyre lever if necessary, and smooth the edges.
After holding for at least a minute, fold the patch in half. The patch's transparent covering should then split – peel it off from the middle. Once you're sure the patch is thoroughly stuck down, you're ready to put the inner tube back on the rim. If there is some glue on the outside of the patch, dust on a little talcum powder to stop it sticking to the tyre.


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McKayla Maroney Vault a Perfect 10? Hear Maroney's Opinion (VIDEO)
McKayla Maroney managed a near perfect vault on Tuesday during the U.S. gymnastics team effort for gold; she did not however receive a perfect score.
The "Fab Five" gymnastics team competed as a team on Tuesday in order to take home the overall gold. One of the most acclaimed performances came from McKayla Maroney, who completed a nearly perfect vault. While many believed that the young gymnast had earned a perfect score, the judges did not agree.
NBC Announcer Tim Dagget called Maroney's vault a "Perfect 10" and guestimated that she would get a the full amount of points before a score was announced. Out of 16.5, Maroney scored a 16.233. Many seemed a bit perplexed, as it was tough to find an error. Maroney had just finished an Amanar- considered to be the most difficult vault to be attempted in the women's division this year- and landed it without slightest hint of a skip.
"All the Americans can hit Amanars, which are considered the most difficult and dangerous vaults in the world," Emily Bayci explained to Bleacher Report. "It consists of a round-off onto the board, then a back handspring onto the table and 2.5 twisting somersaults before the landing. Its start value is a 6.5, which is more than .5 points better than the other gymnasts."
Was Maroney's vault actually perfect, some ask? While the judge's personal opinions will likely never be revealed, most of Maroney's fans still tend to think so. Perfect or not, the high score didn't stand alone, and was enough to bring the U.S. Olympic Girl's Gymnastic Team the highest prize- a gold medal.
Oddly enough, Maroney even described what her perfect vault would look like if she envisioned it. Care to compare?
Maroney's description: HERE
Maroney's Olympic Vault Below:


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Raptors vs. Hawks Free Pick
ATLANTA, GA (ATS Consultants) – The Raptors hit the road tonight when they take on the Hawks as a 3-point favorite at 7:30PM ET.
ODDS: Oddsmakers from online sports book Bovada.lv have installed the Raptors as 3-point favorites versus the Hawks, while the over/under total is currently sitting at 200 points. Toronto is 37-28 overall and 17-15 on the road, while Atlanta is 30-35 overall and 19-11 at home.
LINE MOVEMENT: The Raptors opened as 2.5-point favorites but the spread has jumped up to 3 at most online and Vegas sports books, while the total opened at 202.5 and has been bet down to 200.
PUBLIC BETTING: Of the current wagers placed on tonight's game, 78% of NBA public bettors currently favor the Raptors. This information is subject to change, however, so make sure you click on the link provided to get the most updated public betting numbers.
NBA FREE PICK: Take Toronto. According to latest NBA trends, the Raptors are 4-1 against the spread in their last five trips to Atlanta while the road team is 7-2 ATS in the last nine meetings between these two teams. The Hawks are just 1-6 against the number in their last seven home games, 2-8-1 ATS in their last 11 games versus Eastern Conference foes and 3-13-1 ATS in their last 17 games on Tuesdays. On the other side, the Raptors are also 12-3-1 against the spread in their last 16 games following a straight up loss, 4-1 ATS in their last five versus Southeast opponents, and 20-7 ATS in their last 27 games versus Eastern Conference foes.
ATSSportsline.com has been providing winning sports picks since 1992. Want more from ATS Consultants? Click Free Picks to get daily winners delivered directly to your inbox with no obligation!


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Which retailers made Consumer Reports' 'Naughty & Nice' list?Mon Nov 19, 2012
Best Buy to cut 2,400 jobs, including 600 at Geek SquadFri Jul 6, 2012
We love Whole Foods but shop at Wal-MartWed Apr 4, 2012
Pahking the cah? Regional accents getting strongerFri Sep 9, 2011
Consumer Reports pans new Honda CivicMon Aug 1, 2011
What do you think of self-checkout lanes?Fri Jul 8, 2011
Gas prices hit a sweet spot for US automakersFri Jul 1, 2011
- With the excellent new products GM has been putting on the market starting with the Cadillac CTS and up through the new Buicks and Cruze, I was beginning to have high hopes that the corporation had really changed. I've been around the industry most my life and came to believe that parts of GM were t …
Hubris — and late fees — doomed BlockbusterThu Sep 23, 2010
Elite eats: Survey names America's favorite burgerMon Aug 16, 2010
Dairy Queen: Blizzard-like dessert is a snow jobWed Jul 28, 2010


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In a 10-3 decision, the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals yesterday upheld the nationwide injunction that had blocked President Trump's second executive order banning certain travel into the country from taking effect. The Court...more
On March 6, 2017, President Donald Trump signed a new "Travel Ban" Executive Order with an effective date of March 16, 2017. The order revoked a previous executive order signed on January 27, 2017, which was blocked by the...more
On January 27, 2017, barely a week into office, President Donald J. Trump issued Executive Order 13769 for the stated purpose of "Protecting the Nation from Foreign Terrorist Entry into the United States." Both vigorously...more
Late yesterday, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals refused to reinstate President Donald Trump's immigration Executive Order (Order) which suspended the entry of aliens from seven countries into the United States for 90 days....more
A federal district court recently ruled that an employer-initiated program known as Onionhead was a religion for the purposes of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. In Equal Employment Opportunity Commission v. United...more
Freedom of religion and the duty to accommodate within the workplace context is a highly important issue in Québec given the discrimination provisions of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms as well as the Québec...more
In Achbita v G4S Secure Solutions NV (Case C-157/15) and Bougnaoui v Micropole SA (Case C-188-15), two Advocate Generals (AG) of the European Court of Justice provided conflicting opinions when considering whether bans on...more
This past Sunday night, June 12, before all of the dead had been identified on the premises of Pulse, the gay nightclub in Orlando, Donald Trump sent out a Tweet that said:
"Appreciate the congrats for being right on...more
The City Council of Oxford, Alabama, has enacted an ordinance regulating the utilization of bathroom or changing facilities within the City of Oxford, Alabama, making it unlawful for a person to use a bathroom or changing...more
The United States and Texas Constitutions each provide for the free exercise of religion and the separation of church and state. These constitutional prescriptions frequently bar the application of civil laws, including...more
In a post last week, I discussed how some believe Tennessee's version of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act ("RFRA") could allow Tennessee businesses to refuse service to same-sex couples despite a recent ruling that...more
Attorney Yale Yechiel N. Robinson filed an amicus brief with the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ("SJC") on July 22, 2015.
The case, Trapp v. Commissioner of Corrections (docket number SJC-11863), concerns prisoner...more
Picture this scenario. You are a busy manager of a retail organization. You assume that a sales employee is deeply religious because she wears religious symbols around her neck, talks about her pastor and church services...more
Al Madany Islamic Center and the Norwalk Zoning Commission have agreed to the terms of a proposed settlement stemming from the Commission's 2012 denial of the Islamic Center's proposal to construct a 27,000 square-foot mosque...more
The U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) has sued the City of St. Anthony Village under the Religious Land Use and Institutionalized Persons Act (RLUIPA) after the City Council, in 2012, denied the Abu Huraira Islamic Center's...more
In MAUM Meditation House of Truth v. Lake County, Illinois, No. 13-cv-3794 (N.D. Ill. 2014), the United States District Court for the Northern District of Illinois ruled that Lake County, Illinois did not violate MAUM...more
Employers in Washington should take note of last week's decision from the Washington State Supreme Court holding that state law allows a claim for failure to reasonably accommodate an employee's religious practices. That...more
As I noted in my last blog post, the First Amendment does much more than give a person the right to the freedom of speech. For example, the First Amendment contains the Religion Clauses, one of which allows religious...more
March 2014 has produced quite a bit of activity regarding the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act ("ACA"). On March 24, 2014, oral argument was held in the latest challenges to the ACA in Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby...more
As reported in the New York Times, the Second Circuit Court of Appeals recently held that a school district could prohibit outside community groups from using school facilities for "religious services" without violating the...more
Does a closely held for-profit corporation have a constitutionally or statutorily protected right to exercise religion under the Free Exercise Clause or the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993 (RFRA)? The U.S. Supreme...more
On February 21, 2014, the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals, in a 2-to-1 decision, denied a preliminary injunction enjoining the federal government from enforcing the self-certification provisions of the Affordable Care Act...more
I was completely nonplussed when I saw this brief filed by 44 law professors in the appeal now pending before the U.S. Supreme Court in Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc., Case No. 13-354. I was shocked because the brief...more
Is the corporate form incompatible with religious beliefs? California Attorney General Kamala Harris thinks so. In this amicus brief filed in Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc., U.S. Supreme Court Docket No. 13-354, she...more
York University caused much controversy earlier this month by agreeing that a male student was not required to meet with female class members in connection with a group project. While the male student's reason for the request...more
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text:
Paramount has released a second teaser video for Paranormal Activity 4 that gives us a very quick look at footage from the upcoming movie.
The latest installment of the successful found footage franchise sees a return to the present day, following up on the events of Paranormal Activity 2. Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman directed the third film and have returned for the sequel. Like the previous movies, don't expect a detailed plot synopsis to be released, although the trailer gives you a pretty good idea of what to expect.
Paranormal Activity 4 will officially be released on October 19th, but there will be a number of early screenings across the country determined by demand. For more information on how to request a screening in your area, visit: http://www.paranormalmovie.com/
Previously Released Teaser Clip:
Previously Released Teaser Trailer:


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SHELTON, Wash. – Police investigated a possible robbery at knifepoint last night in Shelton, Lieutenant Les Watson tells us at about 9:26pm on May 21,2013 Shelton Police were dispatched to the 100 block of West Cota Street for a robbery in which the victim was reportedly stabbed. Officers arrived on scene and made contact with the victim, a 53 year old male, who was conscious and alert. The victim had a non-life threatening laceration to his right hip area for which he was ultimately transported to Mason General Hospital for treatment and released. There are no suspects in custody.
No further information is available at this time as this matter remains under investigation.


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Submitted by cpicciano on Thu, 2014-01-02 12:41
aTVfest-A Digital Media Experience
When: (Ended) February 6, 2014 - February 8, 2014 9:30 AM
Savannah College of Art and Design Atlanta Campus
Savannah College of Art and Design Atlanta Campus
Hosted and created by Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD), aTVfest "A digital media experience" - is an industry event focused on design, creativity and innovation in television and media production. The festival brings together professionals from all spheres of content production, including: network, cable, Web, social media, music videos and advertising to discuss industry trends and showcase the best work in each field.
Panel discussions, workshops, award presentations and special screenings scheduled daily. Award presentations and nightly premieres are followed by exclusive receptions that facilitate networking and development opportunities for sponsors, talent, industry professionals and attendees.


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Store Details
Looking to replace your bar stools? The Home Depot in Bonney Lake, WA has the solutions you need to finally finish that project.
As your favorite local hardware store, we're glad to say we support the Bonney Lake High school Panthers and more. If you haven't checked out our Bonney Lake location yet, stop by today! We are a mile from the Historic Skystone and next door to Rite Aid, at the intersection of 214th Ave. and SR 410.
We are excited to make your projects reality! Our Home Depot family invites you come shop with us for your home improvement needs.
Your Bonney Lake Store Team


text: Mas, I have a S&W 642, a Ruger LC9 and I'd like to get a Kahr CM9 eventually. I like them all and I really like pocket carry but I just cannot decide on which one. I tried your suggested Speer 135 +P GD for the 642 and I did well with them out to 15-20 yards. But with only 5 rounds am I at a major disadvantage compared to the 7+ rounds of the others?


text:
New Year's Recipe Challenge
When it comes to sweets, it's hard to fool our editors' picky palates with anything but the real deal. Think you can come up with a recipe—both nutritious and delicious—that passes our test? If your recipe gets two thumbs up, we'll feature it on our Web site! More


text:
SUNNYVALE, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Applied Micro Circuits Corporation (NASDAQ:AMCC) today announced that it expects its revenue for the quarter ending December 31, 2008, the third quarter in its 2009 fiscal year, to
Press Release: Applied Micro Circuits Corporation Updates Third Quarter Fiscal 2009 Revenue Guidance
Applied Micro Circuits Corporation is a global leader in network and embedded PowerPC processing optical transport and storage solutions. The Company's products enable the development of converged IP-based networks offering high-speed secure data high-definition video and high-quality voice for carrier metropolitan access and enterprise applications. AMCC provides networking equipment vendors with industry-leading network and communications processing Ethernet SONET and switch fabric solutions. AMCC is also the leading vendor of high-port count SATA RAID controllers enabling low-cost high-performance high-capacity storage. AMCC's corporate headquarters are located in Sunnyvale California. Sales and engineering offices are located throughout the world. Applied Micro Circuits Corp. has a market cap of $216.7 million; its shares were traded at around $4.01 with a P/E ratio of 13.8 and P/S ratio of 0.88.
More on AMCC:
Gurus buys and sells of AMCC
10-year financial history of AMCC.
Insider buys/sells of AMCC.
Press Release:
SUNNYVALE, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Applied Micro Circuits Corporation (NASDAQ:AMCC) today announced that it expects its revenue for the quarter ending December 31, 2008, the third quarter in its 2009 fiscal year, to be down sequentially by approximately 20-25 percent compared to the second quarter of the 2009 fiscal year. Prior guidance for the third quarter was that revenue would decrease approximately 10 percent from the level reported in the second quarter. The Company is experiencing slower than anticipated sales across all market segments. About AMCC AMCC is a global leader in energy efficient sustainable solutions to Process, Transport, and Store information for the next generation of internet data center and carrier central office. AMCC is a leader in high speed signal processing, IP & Ethernet packet processing, and storage controllers and processors. AMCC's patented innovations in high speed mixed signal, Forward Error Correction, RAID, and packet processing provide high value solutions. AMCC's corporate headquarters are located in Sunnyvale, California. Sales and engineering offices are located throughout the world. AMCC maintains a web site at http://www.amcc.com to which AMCC regularly posts copies of its press releases as well as additional information about AMCC. Interested persons can subscribe on AMCC's website to email alerts or RSS feeds that are sent automatically when it issues press releases, files its reports with the Securities and Exchange Commission or posts certain other information to the website. Forward Looking Statements This press release contains forward-looking statements that reflect the Company's current view with respect to future events and financial performance, including statements regarding future revenues. These forward-looking statements are only predictions based on current information and expectations and are subject to certain risks and uncertainties, including, but not limited to, customer demand for the Company's products, the businesses of the Company's major customers, reductions, rescheduling or cancellation of orders by the Company's customers, and general economic conditions. More information about potential factors that could affect the Company's business and financial results is included in the "Risk Factors" set forth in the Company's Annual Report on Form 10-K for the year ended March 31, 2008, and the Company's other filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Actual results could differ materially, as a result of such factors, from those set forth in the forward-looking statements. You are cautioned not to place undue reliance on these forward-looking statements, which speak only as of the date of this press release. All forward-looking statements are qualified in their entirety by this cautionary statement, and the Company undertakes no obligation to revise or update any forward-looking statements to reflect events or circumstances after the issuance of this press release.
Source: BusinessWire
More on AMCC:
Gurus buys and sells of AMCC
10-year financial history of AMCC.
Insider buys/sells of AMCC.


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Guiding principles
Roofing professionals share advice that has sustained them throughout their careers
Throughout our lives, we've all been given countless pieces of advice. And though much advice is ignored or politely declined, certain things people say resonate and continue to guide us. Professional Roofing asked several roofing professionals to share the advice that has most shaped them.
Conrad Kawulok
Roof consultant, Boulder, Colo.
I consider receiving advice like discovering golden nuggets of wisdom. We should search for nuggets every day. To begin, we need to be receptive to considering advice and willing to make a change in how we live, how we solve problems and how we recognize what is important. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. My former coach Mickey Fain taught me to recognize failure as a part of success and to let go of what happened in the past. On Dec. 17, 2002, Mickey also gave me one of the best nuggets I ever received: "The way to predict the future is to create it."
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CIA Director Leon Panetta, Director of National Intelligence James Clapper and FBI Director Robert Mueller testify on worldwide threats before the Senate (Select) Intelligence Committee in Washington on February 16, 2011. UPI/Kevin Dietsch..
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With a history of reliable reporting dating back to 1907, today's UPI is a credible source for the most important stories of the day, continually updated - a one-stop site for U.S. and world news, as well as entertainment, trends, science, health and stunning photography. UPI also provides insightful reports on key topics of geopolitical importance, including energy and security.


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Wood and Metal Summer Sale, 30% off store wide.
Use discount code 'SUMMERSALE' at checkout.
- Offer valid through July 31, 2014.
- Cannot be used in tandem with other promotional offers.
- Offer applies to in stock items only.
- Offer cannot apply to pending or previous purchases.
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Small Arabian Farm dealing in breeding Athletic and Beautiful horses. In business 28 years. We are standing 4 stallions at stud: Champion in Racing, Regional Halter Champ, Endurance Winner and SE Son of Simeon Shai. We have many young stock for Sale!!
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13 April, 2011@4:13 am
3 comments
Young Money's Tyga teams up with DJ ill Will & DJ Rockstar for the 2nd installment of his "Black Thoughts" Mixtape series. Features include The Game, Mario, Lloyd, Pharrell & production from Lex Luger, The Neptunes, Jess Jackson, etc.
My expectations for this mixtape were pretty low but there were some decent tracks on there. Good production. His flow is very similar to his young money label mate Drake. Sometimes it gets annoying. For some reason I think most of this mixtape was ghost written, flow/lyrics are all over the place on this album. Sometimes his rhyme scheme is really cool other times it sounds like he didn't graduate from elementary school. Not the best mixtape but for Tyga its a decent mixtape.
These days, you really have to weed through the crap to find any decent music. So many artists putting things out just for the sake of putting it out.
ya i def agree that most this stuff seems to be someone else.. its hard to fig out who wrote wat
its like multiple personalities but not in a sick way like em had with slim, em, marshal but more like i worked hard, somenoe wrote it, i did it yesterday
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text:
This is the text version of Hungry Girl.
To see the accompanying visuals and links, go to:
Hungry Girl Today: 3.12.09
It's Frozen Food Month, people! We chewed our way through 13 frozen foods
so that we could tell you what's great and what's not worth the money or
calories. Here's the lowdown...
Bowls, Burgers, Melts and More
Amy's Teriyaki Bowl
PER SERVING (One 9.5-oz. container): 290 calories, 4.5g fat, 780mg sodium,
52g carbs, 4g fiber, 15g sugars, 10g protein -- POINTS® value 5*
We love Amy's. They just know what they're doing. It's that simple. This bowl
has a nice portion of veggies and brown rice. It tastes really fresh and even
has tasty tofu chunks, too. All in all, a hit!
Would we buy it again? Sure!
Lean Pockets, Cheeseburger
PER SERVING (One 4.5-oz. piece, 1 Pocket): 290 calories, 8g fat, 550mg
sodium, 41g carbs, 3g fiber, 12g sugars, 12g protein -- POINTS® value 6*
WOWOWOW! If you're a cheeseburger-craver, this is for you. SOOOO
delicious. We wanted to shove pickles in it to make it taste even more like a
good diner-style cheeseburger. What a great way to kick a junk food
craving. Serve with our butternut squash fries, and you've got a nice little
meal there.
Would we buy it again? Um, YEAH. We already have.
Healthy Choice Tomato Basil & Mozzarella Panini
PER SERVING (One 6-oz. package): 310 calories, 4.5g fat, 600mg sodium,
42g carbs, 6g fiber, 3g sugars, 23g protein -- POINTS® value 6*
We typically like frozen paninis, but this one isn't great. It's one of the few
meatless options out there in panini-land, but it wasn't as good as we hoped
it would be -- soggy bread and stringy cheese. Flavor wasn't bad. Just
nothing special.
Would we buy it again? Possibly, but it's not likely.
Lean Cuisine Flatbread Melts, Chicken Philly
PER SERVING (One 6.5-oz. package): 330 calories, 8g fat, 650mg sodium,
41g carbs, 5g fiber, 3g sugars, 21g protein -- POINTS® value 6*
Homerun! LC hit it out of the park with this zesty, hot meal. Onions, peppers,
chicken, cheese, spices, fluffy bread... Yummmmmmmmmmm!
Would we buy it again? Of course!!!
Lean Pockets Stuffed Quesadilla, Grilled Chicken & Three Cheese
PER SERVING (One 6.5-oz. piece, entire quesadilla): 360 calories, 9g fat,
800mg sodium, 48g carbs, 2g fiber, 9g sugars, 22g protein -- POINTS®
value 8*
This cheesy quesadilla is DELICIOUS. With 360 calories and 9g fat, it's not
exactly super-low in the stats department (or super-large, for that matter),
but it tastes amazing. If you crave fast-food-style Mexican food, skip Taco
Bell and have this instead!
Would we buy it again? Why not?
Chicken and Beef Entrées
Lean Cuisine Grilled Chicken Primavera
PER SERVING (One 9.375-oz. package): 220 calories, 5g fat, 610mg sodium,
24g carbs, 5g fiber, 6g sugars, 18g protein -- POINTS® value 4*
This DOES taste delicious but, despite it being a "Twice the Veggies" entrée,
we could stand to see a few more veggies populating the tray. There's plenty
of sauce, so just add some frozen veggies to this meal to save it. The whole
grain vermicelli (a.k.a. thin spaghetti) works really well here.
Would we buy it again? Yes, along with a bag of steamable veggies to toss in
the sauce!
Healthy Choice Asian Inspired Café Steamers, Five-Spice Beef & Vegetables
PER SERVING (One 10.2-oz. meal): 290 calories, 4.5g fat, 560mg sodium,
48g carbs, 4g fiber, 12g sugars, 14g protein -- POINTS® value 5*
Lame-o serving size, but this entrée tastes great. Love the sauce. A decent
amount of beef. Could use way more veggies and less of that white rice
(what a waste of calories!).
Would we buy it again? If there weren't a whole lot of other options.
Lean Cuisine Beef & Broccoli (New Recipe)
PER SERVING (One 9-oz. package): 260 calories, 5g fat, 580mg sodium, 39g
carbs, 2g fiber, 9g sugars, 14g protein -- POINTS® value 5*
This frozen dinner is okay but nothing to write home about. The portion size
is small. The sauce is sweet (in a good way) with a slight peanut flavor. We
really wanted more veggies!
Would we buy it again? Nah. Not likely.
Veggie and Seafood Entrées
Kashi Tuscan Veggie Bake
PER SERVING (One 10-oz. container): 260 calories, 9g fat, 700mg sodium,
42g carbs, 8g fiber, 8g sugars, 7g protein -- POINTS® value 5*
Ooooh, this one's like the love child of ratatouille and lasagna. The noodles
are whole grain and taste healthy, and the veggies are great. Two yums up!
Pair it with a salad for a great meal.
Would we buy it again? For sure.
Lean Cuisine Salmon with Basil
PER SERVING (One 9.625-oz package): 220 calories, 6g fat, 660mg sodium,
23g carbs, 4g fiber, 3g sugars, 19g protein -- POINTS® value 4*
We're skeptics when it comes to fish-based frozen entrées, and after tasting
this one, we feel we have every right to be skeptical. This dish is overly fishy
and not impressive. (Sorry, LC -- it's not that good!)
Would we buy it again? Nope.
Multi-Serving Options
Gorton's Grilled Shrimp, Classic Grilled
PER SERVING (4 oz., about 8 shrimp): 110 calories, 1.5g fat, 960mg sodium,
5g carbs, 0g fiber, 1g sugars, 18g protein -- POINTS® value 2*
Wow, these are fun and delicious. Very flavorful and nicely seasoned. You
can do a lot with 'em. Toss on a salad, over Tofu Shirataki, with veggies, etc.
Keep these in your freezer at all times. You'll use 'em. DO IT.
Would we buy it again? Definitely!!!
Gorton's Grilled Salmon, Classic Grilled
PER SERVING (One 3.15-oz. fillet): 100 calories, 3g fat, 270mg sodium, 2g
carbs, 0g fiber, 1g sugars, 15g protein -- POINTS® value 2*
Shockingly acceptable for precooked frozen fish. Nice grilled, smoky flavor,
and portion-controlled, too. That Gorton's fisherman knows what he's doing.
Would we buy it again? Perhaps.
Birds Eye Steamfresh Meals for Two, Asian Style Chicken Vegetable Medley
PER SERVING (1/2 bag, about 12 oz.): 290 calories, 6g fat, 1,290mg sodium,
36g carbs, 10g fiber, 13g sugars, 20g protein -- POINTS® value 6*
Good stuff here -- but the two-serving thing is always tough for us. We just
KNOW we'd end up polishing off the entire bag in one sitting. The chicken is
juicy and tender, and the sauce is garlicky and good. Love the noodles, too.
A nice frozen entrée choice!
Would we buy it again? There's a good chance.
To see the accompanying visuals and links, go to:
March is Frozen Food Month! Celebrate with a few of these frozen options.
And don't miss Monday's News -- we'll be giving you the 411 on some
exciting & healthy new frozen food lines!
You're not the only one who eats frozen things, ya know. Click and share
these valuable reviews with other humans ASAP!
*The Points® values for these products and/or recipes were calculated by
Hungry Girl and are not an endorsement or approval of the product, recipe
or its manufacturer or developer by Weight Watchers International, Inc., the
owner of the Points® registered trademark.
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text:
Class 3 Scramble
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After topping out on the Southwest Couloir, you will come to the section where class 3 scrambling begins. It should be noted that some of the scrambling is very EXPOSED. I agree with the author of the Southwest Couloir Route that you will not need ropes on this section and that if you do, you are off course. Scrambling will continue as you wind up and around rocks. During our climb (June 27 2009) we had to negotiate around a large cornice just before the summit.
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text:
Ingalls Shipbuilding says the amphibious transport dock San Diego - also called LPD 22 - has successfully completed its Navy acceptance trials.
The Mississippi Press reports (bit.ly/sb7qSe) that shipbuilders will spend the next month putting the final touches on the vessel to be delivered in mid-December.
San Diego will be homeported in its namesake city, joining USS New Orleans and USS Green Bay.
The shipyard said Friday that the San Diego completed a two-day sea trial on Thursday.
The 684-foot-long vessel's primary mission is to transport up to 800 Marines, their fighting vehicles and aircraft.
It is the sixth in the LPD 17-class built by Huntington Ingalls Industries Inc.'s Ingalls Shipbuilding division.


text:
2003 Navasques Tempranillo, Navarra (£4.49, Morrison's; Safeway)
At the cheaper end of the spectrum, I'd rather drink inexpensive reds from Navarra than neighbouring Rioja. This is a juicy, unoaked Tempranillo with fresh, strawberry fruit and a nip of tannin.
2003 Capitel dei Nicolai Valpolicella Classico Superiore, Tedeschi (£6.99, Sainsbury's)
This ridiculously under-priced Italian red is rich, dry and concentrated with notes of tea leaves and dried fruits. The wine is deliciously balanced with a finish that lasts for minutes.
2003 Petalos del Bierzo, Descendientes de J Palacios (£9.99, Corney & Barrow, 020 7265 2400)
Made entirely from the little-known Mencia grape in the wilds of north-west Spain, this is a spicy, old-vine red that reminded me of Cote Rotie. It's peppery, concentrated and nicely oaked with flavours of plums and blackberries.
2001 Bowen Estate Coonawarra Shiraz (£13.99, The Australian Wine Club, 0800 856 2004; www.australianwine.co.uk)
Doug Bowen makes some of the most elegant wines in Australia. This finely crafted, scented, complex, age-worthy Shiraz disproves the theory that Coonawarra is better suited to Bordeaux varieties like Cabernet Sauvignon.


text:
Attempting Normal
Paperback, 210 pages, Random House Inc, List Price: $16 |purchase
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NPR stories about Attempting Normal
Marc Maron: A Life Fueled By 'Panic And Dread'
Marc Maron: A Life Fueled By 'Panic And Dread'
Note: Book excerpts are provided by the publisher and may contain language some find offensive.
Excerpt: Attempting Normal
The night I broke the orange chair was the night I realized my marriage to Mishna was really on the ropes. My rage transformed a piece of furniture into garbage and my wife into a terrified hostage. The final blow was when I told the story onstage.
Mishna and I had bought the chair on the street when we were furnishing our new house. There was a little white- haired man who sporadically sold used furniture out of a storage locker on Hollywood Boulevard near Western Avenue. There's a line of old garage doors that runs along the bottom of a building and sometimes he would be set up in front of an open one with his stuff out on the sidewalk. He was out there on Sundays, some Sundays. We always rubbernecked his wares from the car. When we drove by he was always busy moving things around, rearranging. It seemed that there was an ever- evolving order to it all in his mind. He was a curator of the selected sellable detritus of other people's lives.
One day we were driving by and saw a clown painting on the street. It looked like one of those classic old housewife hobbypainted clown heads in a cheesy wooden frame. We had to stop for the clown. We got out of the car and I walked quickly toward the painting, which was propped against the wall. I panic in yard sale and buff et situations. Even though there was no one else there looking at it I didn't want it to be snatched up. I always think I am going to miss out on a deal or some kind of food. The painting was top- notch kitschy crap.
"Hello, excuse me. How much is this clown?" I asked the little man, who seemed to be looking for something in the garage. He stopped rummaging and turned around. He looked confused and wise simultaneously, like a sweet cranky wizard or a midlevel hobbit.
"Oh, I don't know. It's a nice piece," he said, looking at it as if he had never really considered selling it. I wasn't clear whether that was his technique or his actual sentiment.
"I guess I can do one twenty- five."
"Seventy- five," my wife said. He wrestled with the number on his face and did some hand scratching.
"Okay, one hundred," the wizard said.
"Sold!" I said preemptively, given my wife's look.
I was always impressed with her gumption but in that moment I fought it. I am not a good haggler. I don't like the game of it. I usually just pay what they ask for. I don't want to engage with the charade unless I don't care if I own what I am haggling for. There is a weird truth to the idea that if you really don't care, things will generally go your way. If you're really invested and emotionally attached, things will get away from you or at least get chaotic and scary. That's been my experience with relationships.
"You need anything else?" he asked, like we were putting him out. I began to wonder if he actually sold stuff or he just took the stuff out of the garage every so oft en to assess what he had.
"Yeah, we need a chair," I said. He led us over to a beautiful modern Danish chair. It was curvy, with wooden sides and an orange leather seat and backrest. My wife loved it. It was going to be hers for her office in the house. It was probably from the forties, maybe the fifties; old but not fragile. It shouldn't have broken as easily as it did.
"I love it," she said. "How much?"
"Uh, I don't know. It's the only one I have." He seemed to want to hold on to everything we asked him about. I said, "I'll give you one- fifty." I shouldn't have started the negotiating. My wife gave me the "you should've let me handle this" look again.
"I don't know. That's a one of a kind. You know, I don't think I want to part with it."
I was pissed but I didn't care. I said, "Two hundred."
He said, "Yeah, okay, but take care of it. I've never seen one like that. It's a special chair."
"No problem," I snapped. It seemed he really wanted his artifacts to be with the right people. I might have underestimated him at the time. He might have had a deeper understanding of the relationship between people and objects than the rest of us do. An odd pairing between a chair and a couple might disrupt the trajectory of the lives of the people and the chair. Of course, anything can be backloaded with meaning. That's how we explain things away when we don't want to take full responsibility for actions that are frightening and disastrous. It's the core of mysticism. My wife was happy. She loved it. I was happy and felt like I had manned up to the moment. I had done it wrong but it still only cost me two hundred dollars.
"Anything else you're looking for? Or can I get on with my day?"
"We need curtains but I guess you don't really have that kind of stuff ."
"I've got a lot more stuff that I haven't gone through. I do have some curtains but I don't know if they're for sale. Let's have a look." The little man had kind of a hobble to his walk. We followed him to the garage locker door one down from the open one. He labored with a ring of keys and unlocked the white wooden doors and pulled them both open to reveal a massive mound of tables, chairs, lamps, paintings, and fabrics. Everything was piled on top of everything else. There was no way to walk around or check stuff out. It was a chaos mound of groovy treasure. My wife and I looked at each other like we had just been led into the cavern of cool truth.
We were excited, a secret stash. This all could have been part of his method. He lured curious people into his web of antique trash and made them feel like they were the fi rst to lay eyes on the midcentury booty. As it turns out, the whole encounter became very mind- altering. I had no idea what was about to happen.
"I have some curtains up there. Can you see them?" There was a huge unruly bundle of what looked to be the ugliest curtains in the world. My wife and I looked at each other.
"I don't know if those will work. Thanks for showing us," she said.
"Yeah, I don't think I can sell them." Of course you don't, I thought.
"They were in Carl Jung's office," he said, flatly. He must have seen me coming. He was an empath. He understood my uncapped personality, my propensity toward improvising the mystical, and hanging hope and power on inanimate objects.
"Carl Jung was in Los Angeles. How did I not know that?" It seemed way too random to be bullshit. Suddenly, in my mind those curtains were an aperture for a room where a master sat doing the big work. The very mind that helped establish the fact that we are innately propelled toward something bigger than ourselves, and that spirituality is a primal deep craving based on universal archetypes that lay within the historical soul of the human experience. He invented the idea of the collective unconscious, for fuck's sake. He realized that synchronicity was real, in an almost magical way, relative to our perception, connections, and the power of meaning. I pictured him opening those curtains to let the day in, mandalas of pipe smoke surrounding him, as the great genius gazed out into the light.
"We have to have those curtains!" I blurted.
"They don't really fit the house," my wife said.
"Yeah, I'm not sure if I want to sell them." The wizard decided I wasn't ready for the Jungian curtains. He was reluctant about the chair, too. Why was he judging me? What did he see within me? I was reading too much into it. I paid the man. We loaded the chair and clown into the car and headed home. I thought about those curtains for weeks. I thought about how they would change my life because they were saturated with unused Jung thoughts. I just needed to wring them out. Perhaps I could make a robe out of them, several robes. I could've created an entire line of Jungwear. Then I did some research on Jung in L.A. Turns out it was highly unlikely that those curtains ever came in contact with the man. They were probably just in an office at the Jung Institute. I was disappointed and something died, maybe the dream of achieving a Jungian breakthrough via curtains.
I don't think those curtains could have stopped the emotional momentum of unmanaged cycles of primal rage in my marriage. I'm not sure anything could. Patterns had been set. My anger was unaddressed despite the damage it was causing. I just never thought it was a real problem, because when I was finished being angry I was done, every time. If you are a rager, when you are done raging you feel relief. It is out of you. It's like masturbating, only it's toxic to others and much harder to clean up. But even if the rager feels done, the rage will have generated in the other person a contempt that festers and swells, even if unspoken. Because the other person is afraid to speak. The truth is that if you are ever yelling at a woman it doesn't matter what it is about because 95 percent of the time you should just be screaming, "Why can't you be my mommy? Why?" Or, "Why can't you be a better mommy than my mommy?" The other 5 percent is probably justified but there are other ways to communicate than yelling, I am told.
By the time the fight took place the orange chair was well established in my wife's office room. It had been over a year since we bought it. The clown had found its place on the wall in the bathroom. To this day when I look at myself in the mirror the sad clown is there looking down at me. That's as good a metaphor for my relationship with a god as I can come up with.
The reason for the fight was not specific. Once a fight starts it really doesn't matter what it is about, anyway. I know we were lying in bed. I was festering about something she hadn't done, or that she'd done, or that in my opinion she should have done, or that she might do if I didn't say something. I also knew we had made it through a day and I probably didn't need to say anything to fuck that up. Let me put it this way: There was absolutely no reason for me to say anything other than to start a fight. I was just one of those sick people who doesn't know if someone loves them unless the other person is crying. The fight began in my head.
Inner Good Marc: Hey, buddy, just let it go. It isn't worth it. So what? She did the thing that upsets you. It's really not that big a deal.
Inner Bad Marc: Shut up. I can't sleep. I thought I killed you in high school. I'm tired of being taken advantage of.
Inner Good Marc: You aren't. This is just one of those little things that really don't matter. She has to be able to do things. You can't control everything.
Inner Bad Marc: You're a pussy. This is important. She disrespects me all the time and it keeps happening.
Inner Good Marc: Disrespect is a bit much. Maybe she just doesn't know how to communicate with you because you are so pissed- off all the time and she does covert things to get back at you for stifling her.
Inner Bad Marc: Exactly. That's why I'm going to bring it up! (Marc exits his head and enters the bed. His wife is falling asleep.)
Marc: Hey, baby. Why did you do that thing today?
Marc's Wife: What thing?
Marc: You know, that thing that pisses me off because it's rude.
Marc's Wife: I don't want to do this right now.
Marc: Do what? We're having a conversation.
Marc's Wife: No, we're not. You are starting a fight and I don't want to cry tonight. I want to go to sleep.
Marc: I just don't understand why you did that thing. You keep doing it.
Marc's Wife: (getting out of bed) I don't want to do this again. (She goes into her office room, slams the door, and starts dressing.) I'm leaving.
Marc: (following her, aggressively pushing door open) Wait. I just wanted to talk about it.
Marc's Wife: No, you didn't. I just want to leave. Please let me leave. I don't want to do this anymore.
Marc: Wait, don't leave.
Marc's Wife: Please let me leave. (She starts crying.)
Marc: No, don't leave. What do you mean leave? For how long? Why?
Marc's Wife: (Hysterical) Just let me leave. (Marc picks up the orange chair like he is going to move it. Lift s it a foot off the ground and slams it on the floor for effect. The chair, in an almost cartoonlike way, falls apart in three pieces. First one side, then the other, then the center falls out. Marc's wife is crying hysterically.)
Marc's Wife: You're breaking things. It's not safe. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
Marc: What are you talking about? It broke itself. What a piece of shit. You could've hurt yourself on this thing. (She makes a run for the front door. Marc stops her. Grabs her arms. Looks at her.)
Marc: Please don't leave. (He sees for the first time she is terrified and doesn't like him at all. His heart drops. He has gone too far.)
Marc: I'll leave. I should leave. (Marc prepares to leave.)
My wife sat down on the couch. Crying. I floundered around. Trying to worm out of leaving. I knew that I should be the one to leave. I am the man. I fucked up. I didn't want to run her out of the house but I also didn't want her to leave because I didn't know if or when she would come back and I couldn't live with that. I thought I had control over that. That is the core of emotional abuse.
"You want me to leave?" She looked exhausted and destroyed.
"Can't we just get past this?" She wasn't talking. Despondent.
"Okay, I guess I'm leaving. It's one in the morning. Are you sure you want me to go?"
I started to collect my things. Keys, I put my jacket on, I opened the door.
"Shit, toothbrush." I turned around to go back in the house. She stood up from the couch and with an intensity and focus of anger I had never seen from her before said, "Just get the fuck out."
I did. She slammed the door behind me. I get in my car. It's one- thirty in the morning, I'm in Los Angeles, and I don't know where I'm going to go. I'm scared and crazy. My first thought is, "I don't know any hotels. Maybe I'll just go downtown and go to the Standard. That's nice. Maybe they put a little mint on the pillow. Take a swim tomorrow. Maybe I'll get a good breakfast." Then there is that part of me that thinks, "Marc, this is a dark night of the soul. You have to go to a dark night of the soul hotel."
I decide that is the way to go: sleazy and self- punishing. I drive around the shitty part of L.A. where I live and I find this crappy hotel. It's weird. It's got bulletproof glass where you get your key and pay for the room in advance. There's a couple of transvestite hookers there. I'm walking up to my room thinking, "Well, this is it. It's the dark night of the soul." One of the tranny hookers says, "Hey, you wanna date?" I find something compelling about them for reasons I don't understand but my plate is a little full and I decide it isn't the night to wade into these waters.
"No, thanks," I say, slightly frightened of myself. The room is just a shitty hotel room. Two shitty beds. Wood paneling. A TV with no cable. It's hard to have a dark night of the soul when you don't drink or do drugs or fuck trannies. The drama is limited. I just sit there rocking on the end of the bed talking to myself and crying.
"Fuck her! Maybe not! I dunno! Maybe it's me!" I'm just in there weeping on a shitty bed with two channels of TV thinking maybe I should get one of those trannies in here and talk to her. I don't know what I would have said.
"Well, you seem to have worked shit out. You've made some pretty dramatic decisions for your own wholeness. Can you help me?" I don't. I just sit there. I don't sleep. I cry. I watch the clock, wondering when it will officially be a whole night. When? When the sun comes up I decide it's official, a night has passed.
It's 5:30 a.m. I'm going back. I drive back to my house in the cutting light of an up- all- night morning. I pull up my street to see she's already put the chair out in front of the house. It sits there barely put together like a shame throne. An example to the rest of the neighborhood. I feel like Lance Kerwin in that movie The Loneliest Runner from when I was a kid. He was a bed wetter and he learned to run because his mom would put out his piss- stained sheets for all to see and he'd have to run home before his friends saw them and pull them down.
I park the car and scurry over to the chair, pick it up, hold it together, and run it into the backyard. It isn't garbage day. It is already bad enough that I am sure that the entire neighborhood has heard us fighting all the time. When I would run into my neighbors while putting out our garbage I would fight the urge to say, "Hey, I'm not hitting her."
I knock. I think it was my feeble attempt at showing respect and having boundaries. My wife opens the door. I walk in.
"Hi. Sorry. Are we going to be okay?" I am weepy and contrite. It is predictable at this point. She is detached.
"I really don't know."
"Damnit!" There is nothing worse than the feeling that you have lost your love and she is standing right in front of you.
"Maybe we should go to couples counseling." She had suggested this many times before and I just pushed it off into the future. Well, the future was here and it was too late. We went but at that point it was really an ambush that I paid for. I paid someone three hundred dollars to watch my wife call me an asshole for an hour. I sat there and said, "I know. I know! I acted like an asshole. Asshole. Wait, now. What about you?" I had no right to that question by the time we got there, according to her.
Soon after this turning point I was invited to perform at the Aspen Comedy Festival to be part of an event featuring the Moth, a New York– based storytelling group. The theme was "On Thin Ice." So I thought there was no better tale to tell than that of the breaking of the chair. I mean, I was on thin ice, no doubt. Our anniversary also fell on one of the dates we were there. I made dinner plans and my wife said I shouldn't worry about it, that we didn't have to go out and make a big deal about it. I'm pretty sure now that she was already emotionally involved with another man and she was just stringing me along getting her ducks in a row. I'm about to do the Moth show and I'm freaking out because I'm not sure what story to tell.
"I don't know what story to tell," I said. My best thinking at the time led me to ask her this: "Hey, would you mind if I told the story about the chair? Breaking the chair? It's a good story."
She said, "I don't care, Marc."
"No, seriously. I'm asking your permission because it's pretty hairy. I'll make sure I look like the asshole because I was the asshole. I'll make that clear. It's funny, it's deep, it's real, it's fucking awful."
"Do what you want."
"Okay. You sure? You cool? Because I can do a cat thing."
"No. Do the chair story. That will be good."
I think she was either unconsciously or maybe intentionally setting me up to do as much stupid shit as possible so she could make an undeniable case for herself to leave me. Despite how I make myself look, here I tried to give her whatever she wanted. I tried to love her properly but I was incapable and scared. I was obsessed with her leaving to such a degree that I made it happen. I didn't take responsibility for my anger and it sank me. All I really wanted for her was to be successful and realize her dreams. Which she did, after she left me.
It was an odd show. Billy Baldwin was also performing. The Aspen Comedy Festival was a prestigious event. Everyone from the comedy industry was there. It was sponsored by HBO. I get onstage in front of everybody in show business and I tell the story. I stand before almost every one of our peers, most of the comedy industry, and say, "I'm an emotionally abusive douche bag and she's the one I fucking make cry all the time." Billy Baldwin came up to me after the show and said, "You don't deserve her." If a Baldwin is giving me relationship advice I must be pretty far gone. I get off stage, I look at my wife, and she's upset, she's crying, she's livid.
"What do you think this makes me look like?" she sputtered out as soon as I reached her.
"Well, I asked you!"
"Goddamnit, Marc!"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm embarrassed. You made a fool of me in front of all these people."
I didn't see it that way. I thought if I could frame it as a story, as a piece of comedy with me as the butt of the joke, I would be absolved in her eyes. I thought that publicly showing my faults and my desire to change would work. I also thought if I could make this horror story funny it would be a profound example of what I could do as a comic. This is the risk of living your art. If your life is disintegrating, saying so publicly doesn't necessarily reverse the rot. Usually the opposite is true, especially if the bit works.
When we get back to the hotel room she's completely detached. I can't sleep. I feel bad and I have to do a political panel show in the morning. I fall asleep for a second and I have this horrible dream. It isn't a narrative dream, more of a feeling. There is a setting but it is uneventful: I'm outside, the sky is gray. There are no mandalas unless they are hiding in a vague cloud of terror. All I know is that I am alone. That is all the dream was. The realization that I am alone. I wake up and say, "I can't . . . I can't sleep. I'm freakin' out, baby. Baby, baby..." Waking up she says, "What? What do you want? I have a ski race tomorrow."
"Well, I'm fucking losin' it."
"Yeah, so what's new?"
"Well, can we just talk? Help me out!"
"You want me to blow you?"
I knew that would take my mind off the end of my marriage and the stress of the show. She was angry and I think in her mind blowing me would be easier than talking to me. Have you ever had a spiteful, detached blowjob? Have you ever had one that had the subtext of this is it. Not a happy ending. She avoided me the entire next day. We get back from Aspen. Obviously it's strained and stressed. I didn't know she was moving toward somebody else. I don't know what's going on. All I know is that there's not a lot of fucking going on. There are other forms of sex, but not fucking. Hand jobs were never my bag. To me they're a struggle. I can do that myself. But all of a sudden she's decided, "I just want to do that now."
She was presenting it like it was a great option, her new thing. In retrospect what she was telling me was, "That thing you've got there is not going anywhere near my vagina ever again. This arm's length is the distance that will always exist, between that thing and me. This is as far as it goes."
It was completely naïve and insensitive of me not to realize how far away my behavior had forced her. It really wasn't until I came back from a week's work in New York and she left me that I really got it. It was about a month after the Aspen festival. I had been out doing shows with Henry Rollins and Janeane Garofalo.
My wife picked me up at LAX, gave me a bottle of water, and drove me home. During the ride I was telling her about the show. She seemed detached but that wasn't unusual by that point. In the middle of that ride from the airport, out of nowhere, my wife said, "Marc, you really are a genius." Her tone was odd and the sentiment seemed to come out of nowhere. Unsolicited. Usually a statement like that is preceded by me pacing around beating the shit out of myself, yelling, "I'm a fraud! I am a fucking loser!" But this came out of nowhere in a dead voice and for no reason.
"Thanks," I said. "Why did you say that?"
"Because you are." We got to the house and walked in. I put my bags down and she went into the kitchen, sat at the table, and started crying. I walked into the kitchen and said, "What's wrong?"
"I want a trial separation," she said.
"Why?" I said. I knew why. I didn't know what else to say. It was just an impulse to dialogue. When I heard her speak and I looked at her face it was clear that she was done and was now pleading for some kind of permission from herself. Not me. I watched her walk out with no luggage and I said, "What am I supposed to do?" She said, "I don't know. Call someone."
That was it.
Months later, after it became apparent that she wasn't coming back, I entered some kind of post- traumatic stress syndrome. Everything was emotionally heightened and dead simultaneously. It was confusing and exhausting. I was a functioning catatonic on fire on the inside. I was surrounded by a haze of pain. I was driving home one afternoon during this period when I rolled past a woman putting household objects and furniture out in her front yard. I figured it was a garage sale or she was termite bombing. As I moved past her house an object I saw stopped me. Dragged me into the present. A chair. The chair? The orange Danish modern chair that I broke and that subsequently broke up my marriage appeared to be sitting on her front lawn. "Impossible," I thought. That was destroyed, thrown out, gone. I stopped my car abruptly in the street, opened my car door, and ran up into her yard. She was pulling more stuff out of her house. I said,
"Hi. Hey, are you selling this stuff?"
"Just take whatever you want. I'm leaving," she said, going angrily about her business.
"Where did you get this chair? I used to have one exactly like it. I've never seen another one."
"I found it," she said. "Take it." I inspected the chair. It had been carefully rebuilt, put back together. It was the chair.
"Did you find this on the street up on the hill around the corner?"
"Yeah," she said. "Why?"
"This chair destroyed my marriage."
She looked at me with a dark, stressed gaze for a second like she was looking through me at something burning in the distance and said, "Mine, too."
I didn't ask any questions. Synchronicity was upon us. The causality was there, it was explainable, but the meaning of the object before us was at once unique and shared. It was some kind of black magic that sent my thoughts back to the garage wizard who kept Jung's curtains locked up. What had he unleashed on this world, my world, her world, with this chair?
"We have to take it out of circulation."
"Yes," she said, catatonically, like how I felt. Then this stranger and I proceeded to destroy the chair with our hands and our feet until it was unfixable. We took a breath and looked down at the scattered chair shards.
"Thanks," she said. A horn honked. I turned to see my car, door open, sitting in the middle of the street, running. Someone needed to get by.
"Good luck with everything," I said, then walked back to my car and drove away, strangely relieved. I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw her making a pile of culprit pieces.
From Attempting Normal by Marc Maron. Copyright 2013 by Marc Maron. Excerpted by permission of Spiegel & Grau.


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