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Inspiring or depressing?: B.I. on 15 famous writers' early jobs
If you're a writer and you're not one of the most famous and successful authors in the world, you're probably working that job you worked before you became one of the most famous and successful authors in the world.
I know I am.
That's why I like looking at pieces like the one Business Insider posted this week listing the first jobs of 15 famous writers.
Did you know that J.D. Salinger was once the entertainment director on a Swedish luxury liner? That must have been a party, though to be fair, it was 1941, so just not getting torpedoed was kind of a hot time. Kurt Vonnegut sold, or tried to sell Saabs. Swedish cars. Sensing a theme?
The list has some meat, with quotes from the writers describing their jobs. Here's Ken Kesey, author of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," talking about his experience participating in MKULTRA, the CIA's test of LSD as a truth serum:
[The scientists] didn't have the guts to do it themselves, so they hired students. "Hey, we found this room. Would you please go inside and let us know what's going on in there?" When we came back out, they took one look at us and said, "Whatever they do, don't let them go back in that room!"
Jack London got his start as an oyster thief, though he called himself an "oyster pirate." John Grisham was a plumber. Charles Dickens, famously, worked in a shoe-polish factory when his father was sent to debtor's prison. What are you doing?
Before I became the obscure writer and editor I am today, I sorted mail and shipped packages at a mailbox rental joint and—like reformed oyster pirate Jack London—wrote the pugs at a Hearst newspaper.


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James Robinson & J. Bone Plot Alien Invasion in THE SAVIORS
The day after Christmas, the aliens are coming. And it's all James Robinson's fault.
On December 26, 2013, Image Comics will publish the first issue of a new ongoing series titled The Saviors, which shows Robinson and artist J. Bone craft a story of aliens and alienation. It all begins when Tomas, a "naïve slacker" as the writer describes him, ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time and stumbles upon a secret invasion of Earth by monstrous shape-shifting aliens. The Saviors follows Tomas and others like him as they attempt to transform from unknowning bystanders to fighters on the front line against a secret war happening in the world around us.
The Saviors is the first in a wave of new series Robinson is launching, joining his upcoming Marvel series Fantastic Four and All-New Invaders as well as a second creator-owned book, Grand Passion, scheduled to launch at Dynamite later in 2014. So Robinson's writing about an alien invasion while amounting a invasion of his own into your local comics store and comics reading device.
Newsarama: James, what can you tell our readers about The Saviors?
James Robinson: Well, basically it is an alien conspiracy horror comic where an innocent, naive slacker discovers, completely by chance, an alien infiltration of the human race. In the course of eluding the aliens and finding other people aware of the infiltration, he becomes more of a hero and less a helpless young guy with no clue.
In the series, the cast is going to change constantly. We're jumping to different parts of the world to follow different sets of people embroiled in different aspects of the unfolding drama. It's very much a big world epic, and at the same time it deals with aliens who may or may not be an actual threat at all. There's a lot of secrets going on.
Nrama: I've read in another interview you did that the aliens invading think they're the "Saviors" of the title. What's going on with them?
Robinson: Everyone has their own perceptions, don't they? Every political party believes they have the right course of action for people. The aliens believe they're in the right, even though their actions can involve the deaths of a large amount of humanity. They believe they're doing it for the planet's benefit.
Nrama: Good intentioned or not, your "slacker" Tomas Ramiraz is onto them. Tell us about him.
Robinson: He lives in a small town, not too far from the Mexican border. He's just an American kid. Like most every other small town, most everyone has moved off for bigger things but he's still there working at a gas station, getting high (or drunk) on his breaks and not fulfilling life. One day he happens to see the wrong thing at the wrong time, and that one moment of misadventure snowballs into a colossal adventure.
Nrama: You've described these aliens as monsters – what was the process like between you and J. Bone in figuring out what they would look like?
Robinson: Well, they have two appearances, and one of them is monstrous. What I wanted to do with the book is combine the spooky, creepy aspects of pulps stories, the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers movie and the short-lived The Invaders TV show from the 1960s. I try to combine that with, at the same time, the idea of these somewhat human looking aliens can when the situatioon require transform into really monstrous creatures like in John Carpenter's The Thing. Real big monster horror, which thinking about it is the other end of the spectrum from Invasion of the Body Snatchers in terms of 1950s alien horror films. So with that in mind, we have two different appearances of the aliens. One is slightly lizard-like, humanoid look that we see, at least through the eyes of Tomas. When they need to do something involving action or killing -- big action, they can transform into anything they want. So one minute the aliens could transform into a giant crab creature or some horrific dragon/pterodactyl, or an undersea creature. Anything. Literally, there's a uniform look to the lizard people that J. and I talked about, then with the monsters we briefly talk and then J. is off to the races with what he thinks is the most exciting to do. In the course of the first five issues ofThe Saviors, you will see these as monsters flying, aquatic and walking.
Nrama: This is an ongoing series, and I know you love your world-building. How would you describe the planning, forethought and thinking behind the larger series and story you want to tell?
Robinson: When you doing something like this, you have the beginning and aspects of the whole series, and then an end point you want to get to. In-between are a lot of variables. For instance, after the first arc with Tomas we're going to jump to from a small coastal town in Mexico to Paris with a completely different set of characters going through similar things as Tomas. We're really jumping around, adding characters here and there, with it all coming together at the end. It was something I had in mind, and it really took hold as I began writing. As with most of my longer stories, Starman for example, the planning is a mixture of what you have set in stone from the onset and then other things come up along the way. And that's what's happening in The Saviors.
Nrama: Working with you on this is J. Bone, whom I read you met during work on Shade #4, which he did finishes over Darwyn Cooke for. On the exterior Bone might seem better suited for something more all-ages like Leave It To Chance, but The Saviors seems firmly rooted in noir and alien invaders. How'd you to find this story to be one you wanted to tell together?
Robinson: Early on we talked about doing something together, and I asked him what he was in the mood to do. As you said, with his own work and doing finishes for Darwyn, he known as an "all-ages" type artist and he wanted to break out of that. He wanted to do something that would shock and surprise people, and when he said "horror" I think he was thinking more like something Mike Mignola or Steve Niles would write. No slight to either of them as they're both geniuses, but I came back to J. with this alien conspiracy story that has a nice amount of 1950s "monster movie" aspect to it. So with all of that in mind, we came up with a direction for the series.
Another idea J. and I are doing, we somewhat borrow from Robert Kirkman and The Walking Dead… and in my defense, we borrow from everybody, especially Tim Burton's Mars Attacks. I did sort of love the fact that characters are played by big name actors in Mars Attacks and then they are murdered; that idea was actually in the original Mars Attacks! Card series, and I thought that would be great for The Saviors. So here, we're never going to know who is going to die, at any moment.
Nrama: This series has the distinction of being the only book Image is publishing the week of Christmas. Does that unique release date mean anything to you?
Robinson: I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Will readers come in and pick it up if it's the only new Image book on the shelves, or will they stay in their homes drinking eggnog? It's a completely interesting thing to watch.
Nrama: Last question, this is your long-awaited return to creator-owned, and will be joined by Grand Passion in 2014. What's it like to get back into the mix of things, doing your own work like you did with starting out in London's Dark and more recently in Leave It To Chance?
Robinson: It's odd… I won't lie. It definitely has a different aspect to it. With creator-owned comics it's up to you to get it going; you don't have editors calling you up about a book coming out.
It's an interesting time for me; I'm no longer at DC, so everything is new – working at Marvel, doing The Saviors at Image, doing Grand Passion for Dynamite, and developing another thing with artist Greg Hinkle for Image hopefully. It fills me with excitement. No matter if I'm working for Marvel, Image, Dynamite, DC or any other company for that matter, I'm just trying to do my best work. So there's not a huge difference in my mind; the creator-owned stuff is something I'm very excited by, obviously. But everywhere, I'm trying to do the best work I can.

subset: commoncrawl


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The Wireless Control Pad enhances the existing NuVo system control options available to dealers and end users: NuVo's hard-wired, in-wall OLED (Organic Light-Emitting Diode) Control Pads and web browser-based control via NuVo's Music Port. The Wireless Control Pad in particular is an attractive solution for retrofit environments where homeowners want to limit the architectural or interior design impact of multi-room audio installation. Dealers also can revisit existing customers with the Wireless Control Pad, enabling them to easily expand control of their already-installed NuVo systems.
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The Wireless Control Pad (including Network Coordinator and Charging Dock) is now available for $799 MSRP. Additional standalone Wireless Control Pads (with Charging Docks), which leverage the initial Network Coordinator, are $599 MSRP each. Additional Network Coordinators for large properties are $199 MSRP.


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I'm still working this out.
Been having a recurring dream over the past few months. Each time I have it, the details get more and more vivid. Faces and names become more clear. This time, I had a very clear location. A friend encouraged me to write it out. So here it is. TBH, I'm terrified to post this. But I'm clicking submit before I chicken out.
Excitement swirled thru the air. This trip had been planned for weeks and it was finally here! Chicago. Land of the Cubs. QS was beyond thrilled but beyond a subtle smile, you would never know he was bursting at the seams with child-like anticipation.He was finally going to be able to scratch this off his "bucket list".
The flight has been non-eventful. Upon landing in O'Hare, we'd gathered our luggage and found our rental car with relative ease.Which surprised us both. We had a couple hours to kill before dinner with our group that night, but instead of seeing the sights,we opted to check-in to the hotel early. Quiet time alone is so scarce with two small children at home. Those few times we have it, we cherish and indulge in it.
The afternoon hours slowly ticked by. We enjoyed one another thoroughly and completely. My phone would periodically ping with alerts as more of our friends descended upon the city. QS would nuzzle his face into my neck as I replied to the incoming messages. We laughed. We talked. We touched.We even dozed off and slept for a short while. It was bliss.
As the meeting time approached, we came back to reality and kicked into gear. It was our typical, unorganized, chaotic ritual of getting ready. But we did it and we were on time. With one final shot of Noir across my pulse points, I slid my sandals on and picked up my handbag. QS grinned. "Put the bag down Hottie and give me a hug." I laughed, "So...what was all his afternoon? Does that not count as hugs?" I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands slide around my waist. He kissed me softly and murmured, "That was then. This is now." I swatted his arm,"Let go.We're going to be late." He sighed in mock dismay and picked up the keys, "Okayyyy."
We made our way down to the lobby. We were both fell into a comfortable silence. Nerves were setting in. For me anyway. We were to meet old friends, but there would also be some unfamiliar faces too. That always makes me nervous. My body was starting to do the anxious, subtle, yet uncontrollable shiver it always does in this setting. He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before the elevator doors opened. I smiled and he grabbed my hand.
"Heyyyyyyyy!!!!!!" someone squealed to our left as we stepped out of the elevator. I laughed. There was Spazzie! As well as NIK and Moo. We exchanged hugs and pleasantries, then piled into Moo's rental and zoomed off to the restaurant. Upon pulling into the parking lot we saw a small group outside. Must be the rest of our people. It was a noisy exit out of the car as we all wanted to hurry and join the rest of our group. QS never let go of my hand. I whispered, "You ok?" as we made our way across the parking lot. He nodded. "Yeah. Just watching everyone. You?" I nodded my reply.
We stepped up onto the curb and approached our group. Sisoon, plainsong, Gonnabe, Mr. & Mrs. Dixie. All familiar faces. It was so great to see them again! We introduced ourselves to the newbies. Ascendant and his wife. Someone said Solus was running late, but to go ahead and start without her. We made our way into the restaurant and were quickly seated,thanks toour reservation.
We were seated at a giant round table halfway to the back of the restaurant. It wasn't too crowded, which seemed odd for a Friday night, but nobody was complaining. Less noise meant we could converse amongst ourselves with more ease. There was a flutter of "Where do you want to sit?" but we finally got settled in.
My back was to the main area of the restaurant. QS was seated to my left, followed by Ascendant, Mrs. A, Gonnabe, plainsong, sisoon, Razzie, NIK, an empty chair for Solus, Moo, followed by Mr.& Mrs. Dixie. I was excited. It had been a while since I'd seen Dixie and we had some catching up to do.
The waiter came and introduced himself, notified us of the daily specials, took our drink orders, and walked away. Then 5 or 6 small conversations started all at once. I leaned towards Dixie and asked what they had done since being in the city that morning. She is militaristic in her travel plans, so I knew their day had been eventful. As she spoke, I glanced at QS. He seemed to hit it off with Ascendant. Their subject matter was mostly likely the Cubs game we were to attend the next day.
Cameras flashed. Moo and Razzie were at it. Someone complained about unflattering pics being posted on SI. So we snagged a passing waiter and the entire table posed for "official" group pictures. It was then our waiter approached with a tray of drinks. He passed them,took our food orders, and disappeared again. The restaurant seemed tobe getting a little fuller. I noticed movement more and more in my peripheral. The house music volume increased. It started to get a little more noisy in the dining area.
Dixie asked out our flight in and as I started to tell her about our morning, I felt someone touch my right shoulder, and heard a male voice, "Excuse me ma'am. My daughter dropped her toy and its under the left side of your chair. Do you mind?" I didn't even look up, just leaned down to pick up the toy. "Oh sure. No worries. I have kids too so I know how...." my voice trailed off as I turned with the toy and looked into the eyes of AP.
I froze. The blood drained from my face. He looked at me quizzically for a moment, then recognition hit his eyes. He muttered, "Oh boy." His hand reached for the toy. I couldn't move. The shock of seeing him completely paralyzed me. What is he doing here!? He doesn't live here! Why here? Why now? I was seeing him in person, and breaking my no contact rule. And all in the presence of my husband and SI friends. My left hand shot over and gripped QS's thigh. I felt him turn towards me. AP tugged the toy again. In my initial shock, my grip had tightened around it. I released it when I noticed the tug. He nodded. "Aubrie..." and walked away.
My eyes glazed over. Dixie was staring at me, realization struck her. She caught the word he said. "Aubrie". Only one person called me that. My affair partner. Some of the conversation at the table has died downas people started to notice something was amiss. I shook myself, "Ascendant, what's in that drink you haven't touched yet? Lots of alcohol or just some?" He answered haltingly, "Uhh, some? Why?" I shook my head, reached for the glass and said, "We'll buy you another." and drained the tumbler. The liquid burned my throat. QS quietly asked, "What is going on?" I shook my head with the strange taste of the beverage, then leaned toward my husband's ear. "That was AP. He's here. I just broke NC."
QS looked at me in shock. "Do what!?" I repeated myself adding, "That must be his family over my right shoulder."QS turned and glanced. He nodded. "Yep. Its him." Tears stung my eyes. "QS, what should we do? Do we leave? I'm so sorry!" He shook his head and shocked me with his reply. "I'm sitting right here. I did nothing wrong. I'm hungry and I'm going to eat dinner with our friends." I was shaking uncontrollably. "Are you sure? Really sure? I'll do whatever you want." He patted my leg. "Hush. Its fine."
Wary eyes around the table continued to watch us, not entirely sure ofwhat just went down, but slowly conversations started again. Dixie leaned in. "Are you ok?" I nodded. But my stomach was lurching like an ocean in a hurricane. Bile rose in my throat. I felt my body convulse. "I'll be back!" I whispered urgently to QS, then took flight for the restroom, scared I would loose the contents of my stomach in the dining area.
I burst into the women's restroom which was thankfully empty. I staggered into the handicapped stall, tears blurring my vision, and vomited violently. My body shook uncontrollably. Over and over, my stomach clenched. I continued to vomit. My stomach was empty, but my body was completely out of control. It convulsed repeatedly. Tears streamed down my face. The panic hung in the air like a thick fog. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Dixie's voice. "Shhhhh, its ok. You have to breathe. Mrs. A, grab a water." I heard the restroom door open and close. Smells, sounds, they were so vivid. So pronounced. But yet my thoughts and vision were a swirling mess.
The door opened and closed again and Mrs. A entered the stall with a bottle of water, "Do you want me to get QS?" She asked softly. I nodded, unable to speak thru the sobs and convulsions. Dixie continued to speak quietly and soothingly. She rubbed my arms, handed me the water, telling me to drink, making me focus on breathing. My mind continued to race, but my body was starting to calm down. The door thumped and I heard his voice. Then he stepped into the stall. Dixie took a step back.
The tears flowed freely as QS squatted down in front of me. My arms snaked around his neck. "Babe...Babe...oh God, I'm so sorry! I never...meant....to hurt you. I can't....I can't take it awayyyyy...." He pulled me into his arms. Kissing the top of my head. "Hey, hey. Its ok. I'm ok. He's nothing to me. Settle down honey.Don't let him ruin our weekend. I don't know or care why he is here. Let it go. Shhhh. Stop crying. Look at me."I looked up into his gray/green eyes. "I love you. All of you. What happened is in the past. Stop crying. Clean up. Let's enjoy the rest of our dinner."
Mrs. A whispered, "Not to butt in or anything, but the family left. After he recognized you, Ascendant said he packed the family up and bailed." QS nodded. "See? Its ok. Come on. Let's go." I stared at him with doubt filled eyes, taking a swig of the water, and brushing tears from myface. He winked as he straighened up. I nodded feebly as he pulled me out of the floor and to my feet. He gave me a small hug and said, "I'm going to go back. Clean up. You're a hot mess. Always knew you would be if you drank." That last comment referred to an inside joke of ours. He smirked, then strode out the door.
Dixie and Mrs. A watched me silently. I looked at both of them. "I have to take his lead....right?" They both nodded. I sighed heavily and asked, "Do I look bad?" They glanced at one another knowingly, then both proceeded to give me the "Nah. Not too bad" "Oh not at all. Just dry the tears and blow your nose." bit.
And then I wake up.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
I've noticing my pattern. When I am dealing with family stuff, I get terribly anxious, I feel unsure, and have precious little confidence in myself. I feel disposable. Shocker I know. And it goes across the board. Like suddenly, I can't do anything right. I feel bumbling and those voice whisper to me. "You should have tried harderrrrrr" "Why are you settling?" "Why can't you do anything riiiiight?"
I also feel a vicious uncontrollable urge to give myself physically to QS as much as possible, constantly. Like if I give as much of myself as much as I can, he will accept me and not reject me. Which sounds like Golden Vajayjay Syndrome. But it's not quite the same thing. I don't feel like a prize or special or like sleeping with me would establish world peace. But maybe if I give every shred of myself to him, he won't leave. That if he takes my physical body, he is in essence accepting my heart and soul? Which sounds cheap and shallow and utterly ridiculous typed out.That turns the whole thing intoa transaction and banishes intimacy. And really, fear actually prevents me from giving every piece of my heart and soul.
Standing up to FOO was actually a healthy step in my life. And they rejected it. Having 4 As was a really crappy step. And yet somehow QS has accepted me as I've made positive changes.My mind struggles to comprehend it. If "family is everything" is true, why did they reject me? And if *they* can,what about QS?
I *get* that he is here now.I *get* that he loves me. I *get* that we are working together. But it's really hard to let go of the fear when there is a new wound and the people who you thought would always be there, aren't anymore. Thus reinforcing the lifelong idea that I really will never be "enough". Kwim? I had started to release fear. But the whole family fallout tightened my grip on it.
Man, this is getting deep, fast. Why does there have to be 100 angles to everything? I'm a reeeally slow,stubborn learner.And if you have actually made it thru this novel of a post, please go easy on the lumber. This hurts enough.No need to knock me unconscious.
[This message edited by Aubrie at 5:17 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]
D-Day, June 10, 2012
You write very well, I could picture your dream as if I were there myself. I could feel your panic, it must be very distressing when you wake up from it.
I have no advice except maybe share this post with QS? Is he in the right place at the moment to support you?
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.
Maybe that's his approach. He knows I need reassurances, but instead of giving them, forces me to find them on my own? And I get the whole "healing is individual" speal, but, I don't know. Maybe I'm just too needy.
It's so strange to me how a dream can be not only so real, but an interpretation of real life. I received a link for dream symbolism yesterday. Nailed a lot of it. Kind of scary.
voice whisper to me. "You should have tried harderrrrrr" "Why are you settling?" "Why can't you do anything riiiiight?"
This sounds critical, like your dad's voice.
Which sounds cheap and shallow and utterly ridiculous typed out.That turns the whole thing intoa transaction and banishes intimacy.
I don't think it's cheap or shallow. I disagree with turning it into a transaction and banishing intimacy. If he DOES accept your body, and DOES accept your heart and soul too, then that is ULTIMATE intimacy. I've experienced a cheapened version of intimacy more times than I can count. For the first time in my life I think I'm learning that. It's like, now I know what intimacy is supposed to look like and what I've had in the past is cheap/shallow. I have a standard now by which I can compare. I'm just saying, I know the difference. And if you think about it, you do too. The "intimacy" you had with your APs was cheap and shallow. What you have with QS is real. KWIM?
But it's really hard to let go of the fear when there is a new wound and the people who you thought would always be there, aren't anymore.
I've experienced abandonment too, by one person who was supposed to love unconditionally, my father. I absolutely get what you're saying and I struggle with these same demons. I have a lot of insecurity (from this and other things) and SO is constantly having to reassure me, both with words and actions, that he's not going anywhere. Does QS say anything like this to you? SO seems to just repeat, as often as I need to hear it, "I'm not going anywhere." It really helps.
[This message edited by abbycadabby at 11:02 AM, April 11th (Friday)]
Another part of my agreement with sisoon is that if I want something to help me deal with old beliefs and feelings, it's always ok to ask him for support I think might help me (hugs, holding, etc.), and he will decide if he is in a place to give that to me. (Usually he is.) But he doesn't want to hear and be pulled in to trying to fix my issues. He gave me support for my issues all through our marriage, and I took in as much as I could then, but the missing part now is giving that love and support to myself, which I am working on in my IC and MC.
A little long-winded, but the main point I wanted to make is that this sounds like a positive dream to me, despite your internal issues which were so painful to experience.
it's always ok to ask him for support I think might help me (hugs, holding, etc.),
I have wonderful friends who I speak to. They are supportive, they analyze stuff with me. But I struggle letting it "all hang out" so to speak, with QS. I don't show him the very ugly pieces. He's seen enough. I work it out on my own. I feel this ache to share it all with him. I *want* to. But I hold it back.
I dunno. Makes me wonder if I'm a lost cause. That I can never overcome the "not enough" that's been drilled into me. I never realized how tightly it was woven into the fibers of my very being. It's every freaking where.
[This message edited by sunnyrain at 1:04 PM, April 14th (Monday)]
First off? Kudos to remembering your dreams so vividly. Mine are gone 20 minutes after I wake up, no matter how vivid they are at the time.
There's a lot going on here, methinks. Also, I enjoy stating the obvious.
I've read it a few times now over the course of the two days it's been posted, so here's my take:
I think it's pretty clear from this dream and your posts that you hold a significant amount of some feeling (Anger? Loathing? Disappointment? Disgust?) towards yourself, and it sounds to me like it's going unresolved.
It also feels like there's a three-way cage match going on in your head between:
"How much YOU believe QS has forgiven you"
"How much QS says he has forgiven you"
"How much YOU perceive that QS' actions indicate he has forgiven you"
Meaning, I gather there is a disconnect floating around in the dynamic between your individual perspectives of the conception of forgiveness and how it manifests itself IRL. From what you've previously indicated, QS isn't much of a talker and sharer, per se, and so it's hard to get a good bead on where he's at emotionally for you.
It feels like you may still be pegging your personal forgiveness to QS level of forgiveness for you by taking your cues from how much it seems like QS has forgiven (and accepted) you. So, it fluctuates, dependent upon his mood, but irrespective where his actual level of forgiveness sits in his own mind. I don't think I need to tell you how dangerous making assumptions about where other people are at mentally is...you already know all that.
He doesn't give off a whole lot of verbal or non-verbal info regarding his inner workings, and so you may be unconsciously trying to assemble a picture using the limited information you're working with, re: his mental state. The HB stuff plays into it, I think, because it gives you some kind of feedback that QS is accepting and loving you...but it seems like you've already figured that out.
Also, this:
They glanced at one another knowingly, then both proceeded to give me the "Nah. Not too bad" "Oh not at all. Just dry the tears and blow your nose."
I want you to know that I HAVE EXPERIENCED GETTING PAST IT (emphasis, not shouting). It is only occasional, but my therapist says to have patience, it will increase. I needed to identify the internal messages, grieve the pain, let myself feel the anger, and consciously create the sense of being loved by my husband. He has always said that he loves me even when he is angry with me, but I had to let myself believe it. I have heard you describe many ways in which QS has expressed that kind of love for you. I agree with Ascendant that you may need to create that picture of his underlying love for you, instead of a picture that comes from your own negative beliefs about yourself and what you guess he is thinking from more surface behavior.
As far as asking for support, I did not mean to say that the agreements sisoon and I have would be the same as what you and QS would work out. You have different personalities, different life experiences, and different experiences with therapy. We have had lots of therapy, and sisoon is very good at nurturing himself and taking care of his feelings. QS has just started the therapy process and may not be in a place to be so available. Again, you need to ask him. (We worked out our agreements about communicating in the presence of our MC. We (or at least I) certainly never would have been able to do it alone. The main thing is, if he says he loves you and that you are a good person, at least hear that that is what he is saying. Don't try to guess what kind of support he would or would not be willing to give - ask him. This can change from one time to another, of course, which is why it is so helpful to agree what it is ok to ask, and to agree that a person who is asked for something has complete freedom to say yes, no, or not now.
I am writing from my own experience, so please take what is relevant to you and leave the rest. And we hope we will see you in Chicago IRL! (Yeah for me, I used an abbreviation!)
I'm sorry you're struggling. I really admire the work you're doing to understand and grow.
How do I believe my parents when they say they love me? (Not that they have recently) I have heard my dad say, "I love you, but I don't like you." so.many.times. There has rarely, if ever, been a simple "I love you" with no strings attached. I don't believe him anyway. Who says that to their kid? Every fricking thing is conditional. Always has been. For QS to say, "I love you. I'm not going anywhere." My mind goes to:
1. Does he really mean it? No strings attached? No conditions? No disclaimers? Not staying because of the kids?
2. And if so, why? He is quiet. So...."I'm not leaving". Well why not? "Just cause." That is very scary to me. And my mind wanders back to point 1. Is it because of the kids and the broken home concept? Is it because of religious purposes? Why? A simple quiet "I'm not leaving" scares me. Maybe because it is so simple? And it *doesn't* have conditions and disclaimers. And round and round I go.
He *has* expressed his loyalty and stability so many times. Even when he hasn't verbalized. Yet it's so hard to just let go and embrace. Because of everything else. Because the parental voices in my head tell me otherwise. And yes, I totally see I'm shooting myself in the foot with all this. I want a partnership with him. I want to heal *with* him. But I know I need to get a handle on this on my own too.
Doing some serious thinking here. Thanks peeps.


text:
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SAN ANTONIO, April 11 (UPI) -- Tony Parker scored 31 points Friday and the San Antonio Spurs returned to winning form with a 105-99 decision over Utah.
Utah lost its 20th straight game on San Antonio's home floor.
The Spurs, who went into the contest trailing Houston by a half game in the battle for the Southwest Division title, won for just the third time in seven contests.
Roger Mason added 16 points and both Tim Duncan and Drew Gooden had 14.
Utah was led by Deron Williams with 25 points and 10 assists. The Jazz, however, lost for the fifth time in six games and fell a game behind Dallas into eighth place in the Western Conference.
The eighth-place team in the West must take on the Los Angeles Lakers in the opening round of the playoffs.
San Antonio ended the third period on a 7-2 run to break a 69-69 tie.


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MACOMB, Ill. -- After one practice, Kurt Warner already was sick and tired of talking about his concussion.
The St. Louis Rams' quarterback took a shot to the head in the regular-season finale last year, struggled in a wild-card playoff loss and six months later is still living it down.
Time and time again as the Rams opened camp on Thursday, Warner, the NFL's MVP when St. Louis won the Super Bowl two years ago, said he was just fine.
''I'm tired of it because I don't have anything new to say,'' Warner said. ''All I can say is I feel great and the doctors say don't worry about it.
''That's what makes it hard, you get the same questions and you can only give the same answers for months and months and months, but everybody's waiting for me to say something different or new.''
Teammates don't seem to notice anything wrong with Warner, who threw 42 touchdowns his MVP season and 21 more while completing 67 percent of his passes in an injury plagued 2000.
''He looks like Kurt, feels like Kurt, talks like Kurt,'' wide receiver Torry Holt said. ''We're expecting a lot of great things and a lot of leadership out of Kurt and from the first day he's shown he's ready.''
Warner is understandably antsy about the first time he takes a hit this summer. Whatever happens, he knows it'll be news because such is the life of a high-profile player.
''When I take the first hit, there's still going to be an article in the paper that I made it through the first game or what have you,'' Warner said. ''It's part of the territory, but you get tired of it.''
He insists he's not worried. Doctors from the team and the league have assured him he's made a full recovery.
An MRI taken at the Rams' June minicamp detected no problems and, as far as he and the team are concerned, it's business as usual.
''I don't know what's going to happen when I take another hit to the head,'' Warner said. ''I believe I'm going to be fine and I'm going to play and I'm going to have a long career and that's that.
''Otherwise there would be more precautions taken.''
This article published in the Athens Banner-Herald on Friday, July 27, 2001.
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A new tropical depression has formed in the Gulf of Mexico.
The U.S. National Hurricane Center in Miami said Sunday that tropical depression No. 6 was located about 50 miles (80 kms) northeast of the Mexican state of Veracruz with maximum sustained winds of 35 mph (55 kph). It was moving west about 12 mph (19 kph).
The Center said the depression should strengthen into a tropical storm before it makes landfall Monday. A tropical storm warning was in effect on Mexico's Gulf coast from Veracruz to Tampico.
The storm is expected to produce 4 to 8 inches of rain over parts of several states.
In the eastern Pacific on Sunday, former Tropical Storm Ivo weakened further from a tropical depression into a remnant low, with winds decreasing to 30 mph (45 mph).


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Although it has been known for decades that monocular deprivation shifts ocular dominance in kitten striate cortex, uncertainty persists about the adequate stimulus for deprivation-induced losses of cortical responsiveness. In the current study we compared the effects of 2 days of lid closure and 2 days of monocular blur using an overcorrecting contact lens. Our finding of comparable ocular dominance shifts in visual cortex indicates that deprived-eye response depression is not a result of reduced retinal illumination. The quality rather than the quantity of retinal illumination is the key factor for ocular dominance plasticity. These data have implications for both the mechanism and treatment of amblyopia.
Ocular dominance (OD) plasticity in visual cortex is a striking example of how the qualities of sensory experience influence receptive field development in the neocortex. Monocular deprivation (MD), usually produced experimentally by unilateral lid closure, rapidly causes cortical neurons to lose responsiveness to the deprived eye. Closing an eye 1) greatly reduces the amount of light falling on the retina and 2) degrades image formation. The relative contributions of these two effects of eyelid closure on the ocular dominance shift are important to understand because this knowledge constrains possible mechanisms.
Over the past four decades, beginning with the seminal experiments of Wiesel and Hubel (1963), there have been a number of reports that merely diffusing or blurring images in one eye is sufficient to cause an ocular dominance shift. However, most of these observations have been cursory (e.g., few animals or absence of controls for statistical comparisons) and/or complicated by prior dark rearing (Blakemore 1976; Christen and Mower 1987; Eggers and Blakemore 1978; Maguire et al. 1982; Tieman et al. 1983). There has been only one systematic and quantitative comparison of monocular diffusion and occlusion. In kittens dark reared to 4 wk of age, Christen and Mower (1987) found comparable ocular dominance shifts after ≥15 additional weeks of visual experience with one eye covered with either a diffusing contact lens or an occluding lens. However, the long duration of the deprivation does not allow any conclusions to be reached about how rapidly these shifts occurred, and the prior dark rearing complicates the interpretation (selective monocular experience vs. monocular deprivation). The problem of dark rearing was avoided in studies by Ikeda and Tremain (1978), who blurred the images in one eye by repeated daily treatment of three kittens with atropine, and by Von Noorden and Crawford (1977), who removed the lens from one eye in three monkeys. However, neither study directly compared the consequence of monocular blur and lid closure and, again, the long duration of the treatment makes it difficult to discern whether the rate of the OD shift was different.
Renewed interest in this question has come from two recent findings. First, it is now clear that the OD shift produced by temporarily silencing all activity in one retina is significantly less (Rittenhouse et al. 1999) and qualitatively different (Frenkel and Bear 2004) from that caused by lid closure. These findings suggest a much greater role for the residual activity in the deprived retina in triggering deprived-eye depression than previously suspected. Second, it is now clear that the OD shift can be accounted for by both deprived-eye depression and open-eye potentiation (Frenkel and Bear 2004; Mioche and Singer 1989; Sawtell et al. 2003). Only after brief periods of deprivation is the OD shift accounted for solely by deprived-eye depression. Our aim in the present study was to perform a quantitative comparison of the consequences of brief monocular deprivation by blur and lid closure in young normally reared kittens.
Monocular deprivation
Kittens were reared in a normal 12/12 light cycle until postnatal day P45–P61, and then divided into three groups: those receiving monocular blur (MB) for 2 days, those receiving monocular lid suture (MS) for 2 days, and those with normal binocular vision (NR). Animals in the MB group had a hard contact lens inserted into the left eye. These lenses were made in the strongest available prescription correction for myopia (planar lens with −10 diopters correction), resulting in a focal distance beyond the limit of the walls of the animal room (Fig. 1). MS kittens had the lids of their left eye sutured under isofluorane anesthesia (3% in 1 liter/min O2) after placement of a plano (noncorrecting) hard contact lens in that eye. Lenses were 12 mm in diameter, large enough to cover the iris and pupil. Animals remained on a 12/12 light cycle, but during each dark phase were moved to a darkroom. MS kittens had fully recovered from anesthesia at the onset of their first 12-h light phase. After 48 h of restricted visual experience, animals were immediately prepared for extracellular recording of cells in area 17 as described previously (Rittenhouse et al. 1999). NR animals did not wear contact lenses. In all cases, the optics were confirmed to be clear in both eyes before recording.
Cortical electrophysiology and analyses
Recordings were made in area 17 of the right hemisphere, contralateral to the deprived eye, as described by Rittenhouse et al. (1999). Briefly, single-unit recordings were made using glass-covered tungsten electrodes (Alan Ainsworth, London, UK or FHC, Bowdoinham, ME). Successive units were recorded, ≥125 μm apart, along penetrations that ran tangentially through striate cortex down the medial bank of the lateral gyrus. Cells from all layers of cortex were sampled. Unit responses were isolated and the cell's receptive field was mapped using a handheld light bar. Each eye then independently viewed moving sinusoidal gratings at 16 evenly spaced orientations and one blank screen while the other eye was covered close to the eye to eliminate scattered light entering the eye. Responses to five trials were collected in peristimulus time histograms (PSTHs). The visual stimuli were high-contrast sinusoidal luminance gratings with a spatial frequency of 1 cyc/deg drifting at 1 Hz. Experience in both our laboratory and that of other investigators shows that gratings with these parameters drive the majority of neurons in striate cortex neurons. Ocular dominance measurements with fixed stimulus parameters (i.e., nonoptimized) are reliable because receptive field structure as well as orientation and spatial frequency selectivity are matched in the two eyes (Skottun and Freeman 1984) and responses fall off monotonically from the peak response. Because our aim was to quantitatively measure ocular dominance in as many neurons as possible, we did not go to any lengths to optimize stimuli for individual neurons, which would have slowed our rate of data collection. Therefore we do not report any data on possible differences in peak firing or orientation selectivity.
A computer-generated ocular dominance (OD) score for each unit was calculated according to the following equation: OD = (R − L)/(R + L), where "R" is the right eye response to the preferred stimulus (orientation and direction) minus spontaneous activity (blank screen trial), and "L" is the left eye response to the preferred stimulus minus spontaneous activity. Thus scores ranged from −1.0, driven by the contralateral (left) eye, to 1.0, driven by the ipsilateral (right) eye. To ensure accuracy, scoring was corroborated subjectively by auditory monitoring of responses to a handheld light bar. A five-category system was used. Briefly, cells in category 1 responded only to stimulation through the contralateral eye; cells in category 5 responded only to stimulation of the ipsilateral eye; and those in category 3 responded equally well to stimulation of either eye, with categories 2 and 4 representing intermediate responses. The computer OD scores (−1.0 to 1.0) were later binned into five bins for comparison. When a computer score was not within ±1 OD category of the experimenter's score, the data for that cell were examined by a third party, blind to the deprivation condition, who decided whether the computer score should stand or whether the cell should be disregarded. If the quantitative measure of OD was obviously corrupted by differences in spontaneous activity across trials or by a poor signal-to-noise ratio, these data were excluded; on this basis, 14% of the recordings in each group were disregarded.
Comparisons across groups were made using nonparametric statistics. Cumulative probability distributions were analyzed using Kolmogorov–Smirnov tests, group analyses with Kruskal–Wallis tests, and, where appropriate, Mann–Whitney U tests were used for post hoc comparisons between groups.
Extracellular single-unit recordings of area 17 neurons were obtained from kittens reared normally (n = 7 animals) or visually deprived for 48 h by either MS (n = 10 animals) or MB (n = 11 animals). All recordings were from the right hemisphere, contralateral to the deprived (left) eye. Because OD plasticity declines with age (Hubel and Wiesel 1970; Mower 1991), we intentionally studied older animals, whose OD shifts would be reduced or slower compared with animals at the peak of the critical period, and we kept the deprivation periods brief to examine plasticity before it reached maximum levels. Animal ages were matched across groups: the average age (in days) for the MB group was 53.3 ± 1.5, for the MS group was 52.6 ± 1.5, and for the NR group, 52.1 ± 1.7.
Cortical plasticity was assessed using a quantitative OD score for each recorded unit (see methods). Scores ranged from −1.0 for cells responsive only through the contralateral eye to 1.0 for cells responsive only to stimulation of the ipsilateral eye; cells with an OD score of 0 responded equally well through each eye. Cumulative probability distributions of OD were plotted for all units in each experimental group (NR; n = 144 units; MS: n = 220 units; MB: n = 307 units; Fig. 2A). As expected, in NR animals there was a higher proportion of units dominated by the contralateral eye (OD scores <0). However, in both deprivation groups the distributions were shifted toward the ipsilateral (nondeprived) eye (OD scores >0). There was a significant effect of group (P < 0.0001, Kruskal–Wallis test), and post hoc analyses confirmed that both deprivation groups had OD score distributions that were significantly different from those of the normally reared animals (P < 0.0001, Kolmogorov–Smirnov tests), whereas the MB and MS distributions were not significantly different from each other.
For more conventional visual examination of the data, OD histograms were derived for each group of animals by dividing the pooled OD score distribution into five equal-sized bins (Fig. 2, B–D). These OD histograms reveal unmistakable shifts in OD of cells from MB (Fig. 2C) and MS (Fig. 2D) animals compared with normal controls (Fig. 2B).
OD data pooled from many animals can be biased toward those individual cases where the largest number of units were studied. Therefore we also analyzed the results by case (Fig. 2, E–G). Cumulative probability distributions of OD scores for each animal reveal a clear tendency for MS and MB animals to have a larger proportion of positive OD scores [i.e., more cells dominated by the ipsilateral (nondeprived) eye] than NR animals. To quantify this effect, an ipsilateral-eye dominance (IED) score, reflecting the percentage of neurons with OD scores >0.5, was determined for each case (Rittenhouse et al. 1999). Figure 2H shows the cumulative probability distribution of the IED values of the individual animals in each group. The MS and MB groups are significantly different from NR (P < 0.01, Mann–Whitney U test), but not different from each other.
Compared with their normally reared counterparts, striking changes in OD were observed in kittens for which pattern vision in one eye during a brief period of monocular deprivation was distorted but not eliminated. That is, we were able to induce significant OD shifts comparable to lid suture, simply by blurring visual input to one eye, blurring similar to the image seen by a person with normal vision looking through the lens of a very myopic friend's eyeglasses.
The OD shift after monocular deprivation during the critical period can be accounted for by deprived-eye depression, open-eye potentiation, or both. Definitive determination of the basis for the OD shift requires chronic recordings. In mice this is easily achieved with recordings of visually evoked potentials (VEPs), and such studies reveal that the OD shift occurring over the first 3 days of deprivation is accounted for solely by deprived-eye depression (Frenkel and Bear 2004). As a result of cortical anisotropies such as ocular dominance and orientation columns, chronic recordings are much more challenging in kittens. Nonetheless, Mioche and Singer (1989) were able to follow the activity of some neurons in kitten visual cortex over the course of monocular deprivation. They state that "during the shift in ocular dominance, the responses to the open eye remained remarkably stable" (p. 189). Moreover, by 48 h of deprivation, the majority of cells in their sample lacked any response to the deprived eye, which can be accounted for only by deprived-eye depression. Finally, in their description of the effects of reverse suture, they state that "invariably, the first effect of reversal was a decrease of the response to the newly deprived eye" (p. 191). Thus taken together, it seems safe to assume that the OD shift after brief monocular deprivation is largely attributable to deprived-eye depression. Therefore we used 2 days of deprivation in this study—the minimum time required to get a reliable shift in kittens at 7–8 wk, an age range that is well within the critical period, but after the peak sensitivity to deprivation to avoid saturation effects.
Our finding that MB rapidly shifts OD is inconsistent with the pervasive dogma that response depression in cortex is a result of diminished light stimulation of the retina (reviewed by Sengpiel and Kind 2002). With a blurring contact lens, effective image contrast is reduced, but average luminance is unaffected. Thus the current result, considered together with previous experiments using monocular inactivation with tetrodotoxin (TTX) (Frenkel and Bear 2004; Rittenhouse et al. 1999), supports an alternative idea that it is the pattern of activity—not the rate—that drives response depression during monocular deprivation (Blais et al. 1999). According to the assumptions of this theory, correlated activity arising from an open eye viewing high-contrast patterns is more likely to elicit a postsynaptic response than uncorrelated activity in a deprived eye. If synaptic depression occurs when afferent activity occurs at times of low postsynaptic activity, and synaptic potentiation at times of high postsynaptic activity (reviewed by Bear 2003), depression of the deprived-eye synapses would occur in the MB case even if the open- and deprived-eye retinas were to have the same average activity level (Blais et al. 1999; Sengpiel and Kind 2002).
A molecular basis for rapid deprivation-induced response depression has recently been identified. Heynen et al. (2003) showed in rats that MS causes the same changes in postsynaptic glutamate receptors in rat visual cortex as occurs in the slice model of homosynaptic long-term depression (LTD) (Heynen et al. 2003). One of these changes is a significant loss of surface-expressed α-amino-3-hydroxy-5-methyl-4-isoxazolepropionic acid (AMPA) receptors. Interestingly, this molecular change did not occur when they inactivated the deprived eye with TTX, a procedure that eliminates any residual retinal activity. Thus we suggest that MB and MS are equally effective in shifting OD because they both provide the conditions necessary to drive glutamate receptors away from synapses: the presence of presynaptic activity that fails to correlate with strong postsynaptic activation.
Regardless of the mechanism, however, we can now conclude in kittens that two different conditions produce rapid OD shits, monocular lid suture and blur; and two different conditions fail to shift OD, monocular inactivation and normal rearing. Understanding how these four types of experience affect the amount and timing of activity in the lateral geniculate nucleus and cortex is likely to reveal the natural basis for response depression during cortical development.
We thank S. Cruikshank, S. Carlson, C. A. Stetson, S. Meagher, E. Sklar, and A. Heynen for assistance.
The costs of publication of this article were defrayed in part by the payment of page charges. The article must therefore be hereby marked "advertisement" in accordance with 18 U.S.C. Section 1734 solely to indicate this fact.
- Copyright © 2006 by the American Physiological Society


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Patterns and Trends in Food Staples Markets in Eastern and Southern Africa: Toward the Identification of Priority Investments and Strategies for Developing Markets and Promoting Smallholder Productivity Growth
Accurate information on farmer and consumer behavior is the foundation for Identifying public investments and policies that can effectively promote national food security and income growth objectives. This report synthesizes recent findings on smallholder crop marketing behavior and urban consumption patterns in Eastern and Southern Africa, and their implications for public sector investments and policies to promote smallholder incomes and national food security.
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|Date of creation:
|Apr 2010
|Contact details of provider:
| Postal: Justin S. Morrill Hall of Agriculture, 446 West Circle Dr., Rm 202, East Lansing, MI 48824-1039
Phone: (517) 355-4563
Fax: (517) 432-1800
Web page: http://www.aec.msu.edu/agecon/
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- Myers, Robert J., 1992. "Intervention bias in agricultural policy," Agricultural Economics, Blackwell, vol. 7(3-4), pages 209-224, October.
- Rashid, Shahidur & Cummings, Ralph Jr. & Gulati, Ashok, 2005. "Grain marketing parastatals in Asia," MTID discussion papers 80, International Food Policy Research Institute (IFPRI).
- Chapoto, Antony & Jayne, Thomas S., 2009. "The Impacts of Trade Barriers and Market Interventions on Maize Price Predictability: Evidence from Eastern and Southern Africa," Food Security International Development Working Papers 56798, Michigan State University, Department of Agricultural, Food, and Resource Economics.
- Goletti, Francesco & Babu, Suresh, 1994. "Market liberalization and integration of maize markets in Malawi," Agricultural Economics, Blackwell, vol. 11(2-3), pages 311-324, December.
- John Duncan & Robert J. Myers, 2000. "Crop Insurance under Catastrophic Risk," American Journal of Agricultural Economics, Agricultural and Applied Economics Association, vol. 82(4), pages 842-855.
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