text:
Observational Study to Evaluate Bipolar Disorder Symptoms in Patients Presented With Schizophrenia or Depression
This study has been completed.
ClinicalTrials.gov Identifier:
First Posted: December 9, 2009
Last Update Posted: November 1, 2011
Information provided by (Responsible Party):
- Full Text View
- Tabular View
- No Study Results Posted
- Disclaimer
- How to Read a Study Record
No Study Results Posted on ClinicalTrials.gov for this Study
|Study Status:
|This study has been completed.
|Study Completion Date:
|November 2010
|Primary Completion Date:
|November 2010 (Final data collection date for primary outcome measure)


text:
Munch goes to B52 Cafe
After Thanksgiving excess, the the body will pine for healthy, light fare like the all-vegan menu with heavy Middle Eastern accents at B52.
While the real-life King family gets ready for a Christmas celebration of crab legs and a gift exchange, the television King family will be tackling a new harvest season, baking pies and overhauling a clunker for a demolition derby during tonight's season premiere of "Farm Kings" at 9 p.m. on Great American Country (GAC).
Truth is, the Kings will take a break tonight from holiday prep and making wreaths for their farm market. They don't see episodes of "Farm Kings" any earlier than the rest of the viewing audience, so they'll be sitting down in front of the TV.
"I heard the first episode is really funny," mom Lisa King divulged -- and we're betting it has something to do with that clunker.
But the hilarity doesn't end there: The second episode, airing Dec. 26, reportedly features Ms. King getting booted off the premises of a local deli when she sets up a mobile smoker to cook Freedom Farms pulled pork.
She and her 10 children, ranging from late elementary school age to young adults, have operated Freedom Farms in Valencia for six years. This is their third season of being on reality TV.
The microphones and cameras are less daunting than they used to be. Ms. King said she thinks this season will be largely about getting to know some of the individual personalities of the family members because they're coming out of their shells more and more.
They're also growing more famous. They've had fans stop by the market for autographs, and people sometimes tell them things like, "We have a garden and chickens now because of your show," she said.
But while TV might make their jobs look easy in some ways, the family also has had its share of struggles, from drought to difficulties with building up their customer base.
But there are happy times, too, and viewers will see some of them this season, including the preparations for the wedding of the lone daughter, Elizabeth ("Bitty"). She'll be married in May in her mom's garden. A caterer will prepare the food, but he'll use Freedom Farms chickens as well as corn and green beans that the family froze over the summer.
The third season kicks off, paradoxically, right at the time that the farm market is getting ready to close. The market has Christmas trees, wreaths and local artwork, including pottery, hand-knit scarves and other gift items, available for purchase through Christmas Eve. But after that, the farm market will close until May.
The family also owns and operates two other nearby businesses, a cafe and donut shop. Ms. King's homemade soups are especially popular in the cafe at this time of the year.
And they're always dreaming up something new. Ms. King wrote a cookbook that came out about three months ago, "Recipes from Lisa's Kitchen," which sells on the family's website, freedomfarmspa.com. The farm started a community-supported-agriculture subscription program last summer and will expand it next summer. They put in an underground greenhouse that they'll get up and running in the spring; see upcoming shows for an explanation of what that's all about. And Ms. King is thinking of organizing a series of canning classes in the market or cafe next summer.
But right now, it's time for her to think about Christmas, which for her family means thousands of white lights, crab legs that Ms. King cooks out on the porch over propane heaters, fresh bruschetta, hummus and farm-grown squash. On Thanksgiving each year, the family draws names for the Christmas gift exchange, and she said they give practical gifts.
"I'll probably give my person a pair of work overalls," she said.
Meanwhile, she hopes the Pittsburgh viewing audience will continue to grow in this new television season.
"We want to raise awareness of American farms and buying local," she said.
Food events
Pennsylvania Farm Show: Speaking of buying local, there's no better place to learn about Pennsylvania agriculture, where you can see 6,000 animals, 10,000 competitive exhibits and 300 commercial exhibits. There's plenty of food, including famous milkshakes that mark 60 years this year, and for the first time, they say, bacon. Jan. 4-11 at the Farm Show Complex in Harrisburg. www.farmshow.state.pa.us.
Italian Prosciutto Making class: Learn to make real Italian prosciutto in a three-session course meeting in January, March and November 2014. The first session is from noon to 2 p.m. Jan. 11 at the American Italian Club in Aliquippa. Cost is $70, or $100 for two people wishing to share a ham. To request enrollment, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.com. Enrollment required by Jan. 3.
Winter Wonderland at Bakery Square: Photos with Santa, last-minute shopping at pop-up holiday mini-marketplace, music, kids' crafts, sweets and treats, spiked hot cocoa for the adults. 1 to 4 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 21, at Bakery Square in East Liberty; stick around from 4 to 5 p.m. for Happy Hour with Santa.
Two local businesses have been named finalists for the 2014 Good Food Awards for craft food products that are both flavorful and socially/environmentally responsible.
The companies are Crested Duck Charcuterie for Moroccan Lamb Coppa and Pennsylvania Pure Distilleries for Boyd & Blair Potato Vodka.
Winners will be announced next month in San Francisco.
Farm Kings' pumpkin pie cake for a crowd
Though not in Lisa King's cookbook, this recipe is one of her family's favorites, and it makes a nice holiday presentation. The recipe came to us in a standard commercial baker's format, using weights instead of cup measurements. We translated it for home use and also reduced the amount of butter in the crumb topping.
-- Rebecca Sodergren
For the crust
2 boxes (about 15 ounces each) yellow cake mix, divided
1½ sticks butter, melted
2 medium eggs
Spray 3 9-inch round cake pans with nonstick spray
Measure 2¼ cups cake mix and place in a bowl for later use.
Mix melted butter, eggs and remaining cake mix in a large bowl. Divide mixture equally between the 3 pans and use fingers to press mixture evenly across bottoms of pans.
For the filling
2½ cups pumpkin puree (fresh or canned)
6 medium eggs
1 cup evaporated milk
2/3 cup packed brown sugar
1½ teaspoons cinnamon
3/8 teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
Mix together the filling items for 2 minutes and pour into pans over the crust mixture.
For the crumb topping
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 stick butter, at room temperature
Reserved cake mix
2/3 cup chopped nuts
Place sugar, butter and reserved cake mix in medium bowl. Using pastry blender, cut butter into cake mix and sugar until pea-sized crumbs form. Stir in nuts. Sprinkle mixture over each cake to form crumb topping.
Bake cake at 325 degrees for 50 to 55 minutes. Top with whipped cream if desired. Makes 3 9-inch cakes.
-- Lisa King
Hot Topic
After Thanksgiving excess, the the body will pine for healthy, light fare like the all-vegan menu with heavy Middle Eastern accents at B52.
After Thanksgiving excess, the the body will pine for healthy, light fare like the all-vegan menu with heavy Middle Eastern accents at B52.
Pecans and walnuts are tossed together with brown sugar and maple syrup for an irresistible pie.
For a $10 donation to the volunteer fire department, you get a cup and map to stops where you can fill it with tea, beer and other drinks.
Polish-style Christmas with carols and dinner will be held in Oakland on Dec. 3.
Want to get dinner on the table in a flash? Let a one-pot meal come to the rescue.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Addressing climate change in state and local environmental impact analysis
This study examines the first generation of state and local policies in the US that require consideration of climate change in environmental impact analysis (EIA). Based on a review of six policies, the study finds significant variation in approach relative to the nature of analyses (quantitative versus qualitative), consideration of various greenhouse gases, methods used to analyse impacts, applicability of policies and approaches to integrating climate change analyses into EIA documents. At the same time, the analysis highlights key challenges associated with addressing climate change in the existing EIA framework, including addressing cumulative effects and scientific uncertainty and evaluating the significance of project-scale climate change impacts.
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As the access to this document is restricted, you may want to look for a different version under "Related research" (further below) or search for a different version of it.
Volume (Year): 54 (2011)
Issue (Month): 6 ()
Pages: 749-767
|Contact details of provider:
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|Web: http://www.tandfonline.com/pricing/journal/CJEP20
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text:
Volunteer to help by adopting a cemetery near you or by working with another "Pillars of Honor" researcher! Perhaps you like to walk cemeteries and take photos or your cup of tea might be doing online research...we need YOU!
It has been nearly 100 years since the last of our Civil War Veterans has passed from this earthly life. Their original headstone has either worn down to illegible text or has fallen into disrepair by the harshness of Michigan winters, vandalism and/or the effects of acid rain. Most of the original stones were made of either sandstone or marble (a soft porous material) not made to hold up to years of wear and tear.


text:
This is my first post here, my name is Moe... First I'd like to thank you all for the wonderful resource....
I have an I-Link 9500 HD with an SK 200 8PSK that I love... So far no issues !
I friend of mine have an old nfusion Nova that he was using back in the day... He asked me to help him figuring out what can be done to get him online again. Prefferably on a public server. I have searched and searched... found only limited info on the nfusion. Is there a way to get the nfusion online using IKS just like my I-Link ? any valid firmware updates? Bottom line what can I use that box for other than paper weight ?
Thank you... Cheers !


text:
Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen GA 31047
Royal Oaks Subdivision Community Details
The Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen GA 31047 is an upscale community with entrances on both US 96 and Sandefur Road. This growing community is conveniently located near shopping, restaurants, entertainment, I-75, and a short 25 minute drive Robins AFB. This Kathleen neighborhood is an established community with maintained neighborhoods, mature trees, well groomed yards, and a restrictive covenant.
This Kathleen community consists primarily of one and two-story brick homes, mature trees, well maintained yards, and 2+ car-garages. Homes for sale in this Kathleen community are generally in the 2,300 to 3,200 square feet range but larger homes do exist in this subdivision. Construction in the Royal Oaks Subdivision began in 1997 and a few lots are still available. If you enjoy well kept neighborhoods, large lawns, and mature landscaping, this Kathleen subdivision may be the ideal location for your family.
The Houston County GA Public Schools for the Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen GA 31047 are David A. Perdue Elementary, Mossy Creek Middle, and Houston County High School.
Royal Oaks Subdivision Market Trends
A snapshot of the real estate market in the Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen GA 31047 since July 2016 reveals the following statistics:
- Number of Sales: 4
- Highest Priced Sale: $675,000
- Lowest Priced Sale: $285,000
- Average Sales Price: $480,000
- Median Sales Price: $480,000
- Average Days on Market: 123
- Average Sales Price to List Price Ratio: 89.52%
See below for all the available homes for sale in the Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen GA 31047. If there are no homes available, check back often as the market can change quickly in this area. Happy house hunting!
Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen Georgia 31047
Do you believe the Royal Oaks Subdivision in Kathleen GA 31047 is the right neighborhood for you? Perhaps you are thinking of selling your existing home in this community? When you are ready to buy or sell Kathleen real estate, let me put my experience and expertise in this real estate market to work for you.
As always, visit Homes for Sale in Kathleen GA to preview a complete list of the available inventory in Kathleen GA so you can have the latest list of homes available at your fingertips when you want them.
When ready, call me at (478) 960-8055 for all your Kathleen Real Estate needs. Call, email, or text if I can assist in any way!
Statistics represent homes in the aforementioned community as of 4/18/2017 (Source: CGMLS). Information is deemed reliable, but not guaranteed.
Homes for Sale in the Royal Oaks Subdivision
The data related to real estate for sale on this website comes in part from the Internet Data Exchange (IDX) Program of Central Georgia MLS. IDX information is provided exclusively for consumers' personal, non-commercial use and may not be used for any purpose other than to identify prospective properties consumers may be interested in purchasing. All information provided is deemed reliable but is not guaranteed and should be independently verified.


text:
To apply for Cognitive Sciences Center membership in any of the following categories, please attach the requested documents (in MS Word© .doc or .docx format) to an email addressed to Cindy Marceau, firstname.lastname@example.com. Recommendations should be sent in electronic form directly from the recommenders to Cindy Marceau, with the applicant's name and desired membership level in the subject line. Category descriptions may be found in Section II of the Membership Handbook: Center Membership and Administration.
Statement of interest: Your statement of interest should include your scientific involvement in cognitive science. In addition, you should describe your anticipated involvement in and contribution to the Center for Cognitive Sciences, such as committee membership and attending colloquia and events. This letter should address why you want to join the community of the Center. Please include your name and the type of membership for which you are applying (i.e. pre- doctoral full member, faculty affiliate member) in the header.


text:
Andrea Louise Gross, 28, became the bride of William Alistair French, 28, in a Sept. 15, 2012, ceremony and reception at Open Square Mill 4 in Holyoke.
The bride is the daughter of William Gross, of Holyoke, and Patricia Therrien Miller, of Springfield. The bridegroom is the son Charles French, of Uxbridge, and the late Linda Johnston Grenon.
Theresa Gross attended her twin sister, and Chet Dzivasen served the bridegroom.
The bride, a graduate of the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, is director of marketing with Comfort Systems USA in Windsor, Conn.
The bridegroom graduated from Westfield State University and is employed as a machinist with DTS in Chicopee.
The couple chose "Make You Feel My Love," by Adele, as their wedding song and honeymooned at Sandals Negril in Jamaica.
They reside in Holyoke.


text:
Study of the Physiology of the Asthma of the Obese Subjects. Breathing Obesity Asthma Study (BOA) (BOA)
This study has been completed.
Assistance Publique - Hôpitaux de Paris
ClinicalTrials.gov Identifier:
First Posted: December 20, 2007
Last Update Posted: September 18, 2013
Information provided by (Responsible Party):
Assistance Publique - Hôpitaux de Paris
- Full Text View
- Tabular View
- No Study Results Posted
- Disclaimer
- How to Read a Study Record
No Study Results Posted on ClinicalTrials.gov for this Study
|Study Status:
|This study has been completed.
|Study Completion Date:
|November 2010
|Primary Completion Date:
|June 2010 (Final data collection date for primary outcome measure)


text:
Since I last posted I graduated nursing school (received an award and was amongst the top of my class), passed my licensure (RN.....whoooooo!) and began working. WH spent 3 months taking care of his mom who has cancer and then received a change in his military orders, which allows him to be closer (his previous orders put him VERY far away). He is now living 4 hours away from us and I plan to follow once I can find a job.
So that is the recap. My WH is the model H but I feel like I have hit a wall. I think about the EA every day. I struggle with feelings of not being good enough....not smart enough, not pretty enough, etc. Just not enough..... I feel like I will never be able to meet his needs like she did. Will there ever be a point where I don't feel like a broken hot mess anymore? I want my confidence back.....
So I don't think anything is wrong with you.
While the pain and hurt all BS feel after the betrayal of an A is NOT unique, our journey through the experience differs greatly.
Be gentle on yourself. Try not to compare your journey through this with others. I don't see anything wrong with you.
What I DO see is a compassionate husband (taking care of his Mom, doing his part to help you heal) and a smart wife (congrats on your academic accomplishments!).
Keep the faith!
[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:08 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]
And CONGRADULATIONS on your passing you tests and being certified! That's wonderful!
D-Day, June 10, 2012


text:
Empowering deserving military families with educational support and opportunities.
John Senden took home the Valspar Championship with a final round one under par 70 to win by one stroke over fellow FJ Staffer, Kevin Na. Senden shot up the leaderboard thanks to a third round 64 that left him two shy of the 54 hole lead. Senden's Sunday chase began with a birdie on the opening hole. Conditions, then, toughened as the winds picked up making scoring even more difficult across the brutal Copperhead course. But out in one under par 34, Senden had a chance to take home the title. To heighten his chances at victory, he birdied two of the three difficult holes that make up the course's "Snake Pit". Adding a long two putt for par at the last gave Senden the lead in the clubhouse that sustained despite the players still on the course.
No player could match the seven under par total giving John Senden his first PGA Tour Victory since 2006. "If I could just stay in the moment, I knew I was swinging well enough to give it a shake," Senden said of his chances to win. The Australian relied on FJ Icon golf shoes and the Pure Touch Limited glove en route to victory. Valspar Championship Shoe CountFJ - 57%Nearest Competitor - 20%Glove CountFJ - 35%Nearest Competitor - 14%
FJ Wins, You Win - Click here for your chance to win a pair of FJ ICON golf shoes and a Pure Touch Limited golf glove!
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Void where prohibited. Open to US residents 18 years or older. Sweepstakes will begin at 12:01AM ET on 03/17/2014 and end 03/20/2014 at 11:59PM ET.
Kevin Na shot a fearless six under par 65 to win the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals for Children Open. Na wearing the new black and white asymmetrical FJ ICON started his final round tied at the top of the leaderboard with two time 2011 PGA Tour winner Nick Watney (FJ Sport), Na knew the the tournament would not be given to him. He would have to go out and take it.
Na responded to the challenge brilliantly with birdies on three of his first four holes, taking an early two stroke lead over the proven winner Watney. However, after a Na bogey, Watney would pull even on the par three fourteenth at 20-under par.
The bogey seemed to awaken Na as he rattled off three straight birdies (15-17) to take control of the tournament at 23-under par. On the final hole both players exchanged pars and Na joined the ranks as a PGA Tour winner.


text:
It's that census time of the decade again. And if you're not totally paranoid that the government will use it for the systematic eradication of your race, you really ought to fill it out. For the next 10 years, people like me will cite that information to discuss (read: make sweeping judgements about) a place and its people.
My household of 3—all first-time census takers—filled out the census last night. And aside from spurring conversations about whether a car counts as a seasonal residence and what thought process had the 2010 census
it was painless. The
this census was streamlined to counter the extremely low turnout of New Mexico's last one, which had one of the lowest completion rates in the nation. The head of the household (in our case, the person who got the census out of the mailbox) has 10 simples questions to answer; the other members of the household (those who don't like getting off the couch for such things as mail) only have seven.
Here's to letting the feds know that you exist!


text:
The first one is a wall hanging I made for my son. He is going to frame it behind glass. The pattern is Amish Diamond and I added the borders on.
The second pic is of the last Quilt of Valor I made, but it doesn't have the borders on yet. The pattern is Shooting Star. Both patterns are from Quilters Cache.


text:
We all need that one piece in our closets. The one we can count on. Read More
Tag: cozy sweaters
Office Style: Cozy And Cool
This week's office style is full of outfits that had that cool cozy appeal. Black netted skirts worn with cable knitted sweaters, ankle boots, and a cute stack of bracelets, or boyfriend jeans with applique flowers worn with a messy tuck and a statement red bobble hat. Read More
Dreaming Of Cool Days By The Ocean And Cozy Sweaters
When fall comes, wild oceans flow rapidly in my mind; stormy seas and grey skies, water so angry it doesn't know what to do with itself. The music it makes, the swirling, the crashing and the hissing sends shivers down my spine and brings to me magnificent stories. Beach strolls on grey days can be such a beautiful experience. Read More
Trend: Snow Angel
When I think of a snow angel I think of a soft wanderer, she walks quietly and oozes curiosity.
Our Snow Angel trend derived from all things soft and pretty, beautiful cozy textures hang softly
while pastels shades capture the nostalgic feeling of a dream like world. Snow Angel is about comfort,
comfort in the most beautiful light.


text:
When my son was born the hospital refused to circumsize him, why? I don't know. I was pretty doped up on pain meds to really ask any questions.. Anyways, I am torn about getting it done. He is 14 months old.
I don't want him to get made fun of for it, and I've never seen one besides his so I don't know if it repulses most women... I want him to be happy...
Do y'all find uncut penis' gross or what? Sorry for the TMI...
I prefer uncut. I've been with both and when they're adults and well, erect, the only difference is there's no ridge from the circ and the skin moves easier.
I left my boys intact, simply put, my preferences aside, it's not my penis.
I'm so sorry. I know my mom regrest circumcising my brother, but that's what they did then. No one evn asked her.
Quoting azpreemiemom:
My older son was circumcised and it was painful for him. He screamed so loud when he peed that it alerted the nurses. I knew right away that I had made a mistake.
Quoting EvilQueenMommy:
I know, right? I can't believe some people think newborns can't feelQuoting Anonymous:
It will hurt him really really bad right now lol
Quoting sturrfryy:
The doctor said he will still do it, I just need to make a decision soon because I want to get it done before he gets way older and it will hurt him really really bad.Quoting Anonymous:
Ugly but whatever.... It's kinda too late now hes older
I've seen and experienced both. A penis is a penis, cut or not. Doesn't make a difference really and they're practically the same when it matters any way if you know what I mean.
Not gross at all! A circumcised penis is a big turn-off for many of us-- It's unnatural and not normal. And it is often done without permission, a violation, and that is gross, ethically.
Quoting Gabrielle1982:
I've seen and experienced both. A penis is a penis, cut or not. Doesn't make a difference really and they're practically the same when it matters any way if you know what I mean.
A lot of important and useful stuff is removed with circumcision, though.
True, but as far as an uncut boy getting made fun of by the female persuasion, I don't think it's an issue.
i made the joint decision not to circumcise because I feel like unless it really needs to be done I will not get it done


text:
HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - The driver of a pickup truck veered off the Florida Turnpike and slammed into a building, catching the vehicle and the home on fire, said Hollywood Fire Rescue.
It happened in the 4700 block of Northwest 24th Court in Hollywood about 12:45 p.m. Tuesday.
"The house was shaking and the noise was so loud," said Raymonde Nelson, who was asleep when the truck crashed. "I thought it was an earthquake."
"Then I hear something. 'Boom!' On the side of the house," said Marvin Cadet. "I just run outside and then I see the car (had) just come from the Turnpike, hit the fence, then hit the wall."
The Florida Highway Patrol said Tad Thomas made a wrong turn while driving northbound on the Florida Turnpike, ran through a fence, hit two cars, and then slammed into the building.
"I heard a big boom," said Evan Hanna.
Hanna said he pulled Thomas out of the burning cab.
"The door wouldn't open so I pulled him through the window and drove him to the side, far away from the car, before it was fully engulfed in flames," said Hanna. "He was trying to fight me. He didn't know what was going on."
Thomas was taken to Memorial Regional Hospital in serious condition.
Copyright 2012 by Post Newsweek. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


text: On the 25th anniversary of the national holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. several speakers preached that Dr. King's non violent message is needed now more than ever. Governor Nathan Deal, Congressman John Lewis, Mayor Kasim Reed and members of the King family were all on hand to share their message of non violence. Here are some excerpts from Congressman Lewis and Mayor Reed's comments.


text:
Two top executives of Energy Future Holdings Corp., the giant Dallas utility company, received salary increases effective Wednesday, according to a recent government filing.
The compensation committee of the EFH board of directors increased the base salary of chief executive John F. Young from $1.2 million per year to $1.35 million, a 12.5 percent hike, according to a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Chief financial officer Paul M. Keglevic will see his salary rise from $650,000 to $735,000 per year, a 13.1 percent increase.
Earlier this month, the chief executive and three other executives of Dallas-based Oncor, an electric power provider that is majority owned by EFH, were criticized for receiving $25 million in year-end performance bonuses. That's because EFH is struggling under $37.4 million in debt, and some analysts have said bankruptcy may be on the horizon.
The interest payments alone on that debt basically obliterate any chance for the company to be profitable. EFH and Oncor are governed by separate boards.
Allan Koenig, EFH spokesman, defended the latest salary increases, saying: "The compensation committee regularly reviews the company's compensation program, including performance-based compensation tied to the achievement of specific financial and operational criteria as well as market competitive base salaries."
The committee also increased Young's annual incentive plan to 125 percent of his base salary from 100 percent.


text:
Special Editions
- Global
- Vaccine Education Summit
- Bitcoin Summit
- US-Arizona
- US-Tennessee
- Ernie's Favorites
- "It's Not My Debt"
- Fascist Nation's Favorites
- Surviving the Greatest Depression
- The Only Solution - Direct Action Revolution
- Western Libertarian
- S.A.F.E. - Second Amendment is For Everyone
- Freedom Summit
- Declare Your Independence
- FreedomsPhoenix Speakers Bureau
- Wallet Voting
- Harhea Phoenix
- Black Market Friday
On the heals of NAFTA's "20 years of regret" anniversary, U.S. lawmakers are aggressively pushing legislation to fast-track what has been called NAFTA on steroids: the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP).
Three powerful lawmakers —House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Dave Camp (R-MI), Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus (D-MT) and Ranking Member Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) — announced legislation (pdf) Thursday that would allow the Obama administration to fast-track approval of this behemoth trade deal.
Current News | Contents By Subject
Additional Related items you might find interesting:Related items:
News Link • Free Trade
A Basic Principle About Trade
News Link • Sexuality: Sex and the Law
She Said A Powerful Congressman Harassed Her. Here's Why You Didn't Hear Her Story.
Volvo to supply Uber with up to 24,000 self-driving SUVs for taxi fleet
Killer robots which use facial recognition before slaughtering people -
News Link • Internet
No, you're not being paranoid. Sites really are watching your every move
News Link • Secret Government Projects
Amazon Web Services Announces Secret Cloud Region For CIA
News Link • Hollywood-Entertainment Industry
Melissa Gilbert Accuses Oliver Stone Of Sexual Harassment: "It Was Humiliating And Horrid"
News Link • Congress-Congressmen
Who's A 'Foreign Agent'?
News Link • Clinton News
The End is Near
News Link • Courtroom and Trials
Week 1: 'Battle of Bunkerville' Trial of Bundys Begins in Las Vegas
News Link • Trump Administration


text:
Hello. As a part of my ongoing shifting of reality, I've come upon a new mystery, being a man. For so long, I gave my attention to women, admired and loved them. I can see now that I'm at a point where I need to explore further what it means to be a man. This, I think, is different for every man, but maybe there are some common ideas. I've seen in my own unconscious actions and programming that I have silly ideas about being a man, many of them from action movies or romantic comedies. I'm now redefining.
"A man goes out into the dark to cut down trees." My uncle told me this on the porch after a long day of work and this is what he meant. His partner was losing the view to her favorite oak due to some fast growing juniper trees in a nearby lot. My uncle went on a nighttime stealth mission to remove the obstacles for his partner and restore her view. The dark is the unknown and the trees are a goal. A man has an objective and follows the line to reach the objective, usually treading through some unknown territory along the way.
I quite like the Taoist metaphor. Yang is active and light, a force. Men take action, move along a line to a goal. They do things, pursue their goals instead of letting those goals come to themselves.
I don't really know what a man is, but I've recently decided what kind of man I want to be. I want to be kind instead of being right. I want to be compassionate and aware of the world and the people around me. I want to know what I want and know that I can reach that goal. Confident and sure in the face of any unknown.
Sounds Good to Me
You might be interested in what the spiritual teacher, David Deida, thinks about this subject. Here's a link to a chapter from his book for men who want to more fully embody what it means to be a man as he sees it: http://www.bluetruth.org/blog/_archives/2008/2/14/2668889.html
This guy's teachings really helped me a lot, cuz I was influenced by modern society, wanted to be a good feminist dude, and therefore mistakenly suppressed my masculine qualities. It's totally not necessary! You can still be kind and compassionate but true to the warrior within.
That's very interesting, the pursuit of freedom. I can relate to that. I can also relate to your thoughts on suppressing masculine qualities to be more accepted by people in general. Aside from the search for freedom what else is masculine to you?
Shifting from being an addict to a compassionate human looks to be quite manly.
I'm stoked
Freedom implies many things. I think the main one is that the masculine wants to create, to accomplish, to do great things. Manliness is also about presence, an aura of unshakeability and strength. This is why women are often attracted to assholes, but I think if these women ever saw a "real man," they'd know that integrity is far more attractive.
AC, yes, that does look manly, and I think the reason is that it's a coming back to integrity. It takes strength to maintain integrity in the face of the trials the world throws at us, and when you show this, you look trustable, like someone a woman (and other men) can count on. That's attractive. So is making up your mind and sticking to it. I always used to try to be nice to women by letting them decide what to do, and I was confused when they didn't seem to appreciate the gesture. They don't want to be ignored or made to feel like their feelings don't count, but what they really want is for you to put forth what you want to do--to be the active one, in other words, and they get to relax and trust your energy. Likewise, a man who lives only to love might ironically not be the most attractive to women. Living only to love is a feminine trait, the seeking of connection, and could even be a turn off, at least if it's too strong or if the other manly qualities aren't strong enough.
After so painful experience
After so painful experience with porn-addicted partner I have no great enthusiasm for your sex. Sorry to say. I feel like I cannot trust anyone of you. Isn´t that sad?
Yes, it's sad
and I totally understand your feelings.
Are you willing to try two weeks of mutual affection without intercourse? You may find you feel differently by the end of it. Non-goal-oriented affection is a powerful bonding behavior that speaks directly to the primitive part of the brain. No words. No logic.
But for it to work you BOTH have to nurture each other generously...and avoid all attempts to heat each other, or yourselves, up. Let it happen naturally. Have a look at this article...and pretend you're the alligator. http://www.reuniting.info/lazy_way_to_stay_in_love
There is no masculine or feminine
This is part of the illusion of duality.
Would you expound on that?
Would you expound on that?
Hi, Marnia What strikes me
Hi, Marnia
What strikes me is that I thought we actually lived in a very bounding relationship. So that is why my world has fallen into pieces. Wthout knowing your techniques we sometimes did have only affection for one another (in times we had other primary tasks or were tired ans so forth).
I hardly can imagine a more bounding relationship! This all is getting me confused.
Sounds like you have plenty
to build on. Does he WANT to get rid of the addiction?
If so, the Exchanges offer a potential way out. He needs to get through withdrawal WITHOUT ORGASMING or watching porn, or concentrating on flashbacks, etc.
In other words, "sometimes affection" is great, but right now he needs to "reboot" his brain. That means consistently avoiding his triggers for an extended period. At least two weeks...and maybe longer if he's badly hooked. (It can apparently take up to two months for a "relapse" protein to clear out of the reward circuitry.)
So two weeks of affection only, followed by daily affection with still intercourse in scissors position every few days, could really help.
There are two things going on here, and the one that has him hooked is the dopamine cycle. For more, read our book. You can get a glimpse of his issue here: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/Cupid-Ch6.pdf But to really understand how the cycle works, you need to read the earlier chapters.
One thing is for sure...you now face a very important choice: Do you want to be right (to stay angry about his "bad" behavior and your hurt feelings) or do you want to be happy? If the latter, then you will have to build a bridge to him and he will have to want to restore his brain's equilibrium even though the withdrawal while avoiding orgasm will be uncomfortable from time to time. (Daily bonding behaviors will help a lot to ease that discomfort...and improve your mood. )
Lies and doubts (shoul I move to a more apropiate topic?)
Hi Marnia,
Thank you for your long post. I must still think about the issues you raised. But there are some complicating factors. For example: you hve asked me if he wants to stop. He has been lying about his addiction for several year. Once, when I surprised him with the stuff, he gave me his word that he was NOT addicted (which I asked very clearly). And that it would never occur again. All this time he knew exactly what my position on the issue was. And he didn´t change anything in his live to get out of it. He says he has tried it, but then I ask: 'how?' - with no satisfactory answer. He also does not talk about the thing. I must always start the talk. In the last weeks he said all sorts of things about the addiction: that it had nothing to do with me, that he didn´t felt bad about it, that he didn´t knew that it would hurt me (which is the most horrible and implausible of all lies). And, eventually, that he loves me and wants to quit the addiction.
So, if he now says (again) that he wants to stop, how can I know this is his true will, or just some other bullshit? The has been so much lying that I know doubt he is honest about other aspects of our life.
thank you.
if he wants to stop...
..you're half way there! Please understand that addiciton is not by choice or a "bad habit" that you can stop just by wanting it. It is dominating him without his will.
He can't get out of it without (your) help.
If he really wants stop it, he will agree to try Marnia's approach.
You are hurt and you doubt and your trust has to rebuild, and it will, if you both start the experiment.
Most addicts end up lying about their addiction
This is not because they are liars...but because they themselves just cannot accept/admit that something as trivial as the stimulation provided by two-dimensional figures flickering on a computer screen could have such a tight hold on their behavior.
They figure they'll be able to stop when they promise you they will. But the fact is that they can't...even when they try for two weeks. Read this: http://www.cracked.com/article_15725_great-internet-porn-off.html
So he is not necessarily a man you can't trust...once he has admitted and healed his addiction.
That's why I ask...does he want to quit? If he does, tell him you'll know he means it when he joins a 12-step group, or commits to the program I outlined...or both. If, on the other hand, he thinks he'll be able to quit by himself with no support, he's not serious (enough) about the decision. And he will be likely to continue to relapse, which means he will be likely to continue to lie.
But, again, it's his addiction lying...not him...if you see my point. His brain wants its "medicine" (the neurochemical blast from using porn) to medicate the lows of withdrawal, and it will rationalize ANYthing to get it.
When he cleans up one problem, he's likely to clean up the other. And the support and feedback of a 12-step group can really help with that. You may find he becomes a better-than-ever man as a result of working through this problem. IF you care to wait around.
Just know that you can't make him. The genuine desire to quit has to come from him.
Guys? Can you offer her any advice. Feel free to contradict me!
My thoughts on the Porn Subject
I think you're right on the money with this one. When I decided to change my behavior and give up my addiction to porn (and believe me, I knew where and how to get it when necessary), I had to do one thing, and one thing only, first.
I had to admit I was addicted.
From my point of view, when men watch porn, we are not doing any of the following (at least in our own minds).
1.) Cheating on our spouse
Sorry, but this isn't what's "really" going on. It's perceived that way, and the partner of course gets upset, but in a man's psyche, the last thing on our mind is "Oh man, I'm sooo cheating on my girlfriend right now. I'm developing an emotional attachment to the images on this screen right now." Believe me, we can't even remember the name of the porn star we're looking at, or the cartoon we were observing, etc. etc... we're just going for our next fix. Half of us barely look at the face beyond what erotic images and emotions it can conjure. If we were to some how magically bump into this woman on the street, while she'd probably still be a looker, we'd very likely not recognize her. Unless she were infamous/famous. But that's entirely different.
2.) Comparing our spouse to the porn star
Beyond our desire to find "younger and hotter", I never really sat there recounting the virtues of my virtual mate to my real mate. There was no point where I said, "Yeah, my girlfriend should also become a raving sex beast." My libido may have sought that out, but it's really not personal in the slightest. We crave it more and more as we get chained to our addiction.
3.) Being consciously aware of what's going on
For the 17-20 years of porn addiction/masturbation, I've honestly never given any serious, long term thought to what I was doing or why. See, cheating or unfaithfulness typically requires a very deliberate, conscious action. I have to not only establish a relationship with the person, but also play the game of attraction, and do all the steps that I would go through with the previous partner. In other words, it actually takes communication, personal magnetism, power, wealth, etc., to attain that emotional affair.
Porn requires none of this. I don't need to attract the girl. Heck, I don't even need to find her anymore. It's right there, a simple click away. When I didn't have porn as a young kid, I had my imagination. It was the same deal. I just did it. I just pictured who I wanted to picture, my blood boiled, and I had my way with it. But once it was over, it was simply over. There was nothing else to this. It was mostly automatic. I fulfilled my biological need and desire, and that was it.
I didn't light candles to masturbate, or think fond thoughts. I thought dirty, animal, and basic.
to Creepycriature:
Dude, we're more scratching an itch (addiction), than anything else. Half the time I did, I was barely conscious. I did it to forget my real world stresses. I did it to cover up any complaints I had. Yes, it was even an escape from any disturbing aspects I was having with my relationships. But it was just that. Another beer. Another fix. Nothing more. Nothing less. Even if I stared at pictures for 1 hour, or 2 hours, it wasn't because I was fond of the girls. It was because I was wholly desensitized and needed more images to reach the previous relief. It's not that I wanted a harem. It's just that even if ALL of the images were attractive, I needed more time and variety to fulfill my hunger. All biological. None emotional or spiritual.
If a girl had offered me an affair, I would have been vehemently opposed to it. But the virtual girls weren't considered the same thing to me. They were like my man version of a vibrator. I saw, and had in the past used it, as nothing more than a tool. I used porn before dating girls, and so to quit porn afterward seemed rather absurd.
Granted, the damage that porn had done to me was extensive. And like Marnia says, none of us will stop until we finally realize and admit to ourselves that we are indeed addicted. I found out by coming to this very site. What helped me most was being challenged with this simple, yet poignant question.
"If you're not addicted to porn, then just give it up entirely for three weeks. Don't masturbate at all. Just walk away. It shouldn't even bother you in the slightest, because you're not addicted. This is like having orange soda for dinner. No problem if you don't have it. Right?"
Once I actually seriously pondered this question, and realized that the notion of simply walking away from my vast porn cache for three weeks was not a simple notion, even WITHOUT girlfriend or wife, I finally knew that I had a problem.
If your husband and you didn't have each other, guess what your husband would be using right now... porn. It has little to do with you. It's not right. It's not ideal. It's not comfortable. But... it's a reality that's always existed. To be overly upset or shocked, while understandable, it also somewhat of a denial. "No, he's never thought this way before. This behavior is unacceptable." No, he's always behaved and thought this way. It's like telling a man who was always drinking in a relationship to just stop drinking. It's a bit more challenging than that.
Good luck to you though. It's not a problem that should be taken lightly. I know that now. But it's going to be an uphill struggle, and there's a great deal more involved to it than "Just giving it up."
Cracked Funny Guy
I'm happy that it wasn't too difficult to not click to see the porn, but I've got to admit my eye lingered on the photos.
more than 10 months on the path and a gazillion days since our last O
Thanks for laying it out so
articulately, Fisherman. I think it's good for women to hear what it's like from your perspective. It's so easy to judge other people according to our own perceptions/beliefs when, in fact, the reality from their perspective is always different. In this case, very different.
While the addict is the only one who can change his course of action, we women definitely need to understand that until he does so he's on "autopilot" when those urges hit. He's no long consciously choosing, and certainly not choosing to hurt others. That's purely a side effect of the illness.
That's not to say that any mate should feel obligated to stick around. But an addict who IS willing to tackle his challenge head on can become an amazingly compassionate and wise person as a consequence. That's why I encourage people to find out if their addicted mate is serious about getting help and healing. If so, he could be a "keeper."
thanks for your loving advices and narratives.
I will think about them.
Creepy Creature
After reading yours & fishermans responses. It has certainly helped me to understand, it doesn't altogether make it easier but & I must admit I don't know how often my husband uses this , he is a computer boffin & well placed to hide this if need be. I don't think it would bother me so much if I felt my needs were being satisfied unfortunately it has made it difficult over the years for me to take the lead. In my mind it's like I've decided it's him that is looking for something so why isn't he making a huge sexual effort with me? Until coming to this site I now realise I have been thinking about me, what I want my problems & getting short tempered with my husband when I don't get what I want even though I haven't voiced what that is. I have taken little time to understand this from his point of view & as tough as it is maybe I need to take control here, show him more affection, be more open my self & show some more understanding, instead of making him feel like a dirty old man, maybe then he will be more open with me if he feels love from me & knows I'll always be there for him. I don't believe he wants to hurt me or that he doesn't love me. We had a good chat Friday night (after a few drinks & I bought it up again) He pretty much said what fisherman said that it was no more than a tool & he didn't know why he does it. There's a long way to go here & I don't expect it to be easy I just hope I can help him & we can start to build our future & not destoy it. Good luck to you too with this situation which I am well aware can be soul destroying.
Thank you
Hi Adora,
Thank you for coming back. Many of us here are dealing with our own problems. It's a good reminder that living with someone with a porn addiction is just as bad.
Hi Adora
Glad you finally got the login to work!
If your husband is hooked, then he has work to do. Your loving behavior alone won't be enough to pull the situtation back on track. I'd hate to see you blame yourself for something you didn't create and can't fix in him. It could discourage you about relationships in general.
Is he willing to get help or try to "reboot" his brain? (Could he read this chapter, so he has a better understanding of WHY it's so hard to quit, and what is going on in his brain? http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/Cupid-Ch6.pdf)
He may not yet realize, or want to admit, the seriousness of his addiction. But if he learns a bit more about it, he may come to understand what's really going on. It will make your job of staying open and loving a lot easier if he's also doing his part.
Very good point
This is it & no he hasn't admitted he has an addiction & I don't know that I can accuse him of having a acual addiction, without knowing how often he uses it makes it hard to judge. I am caught in between trying my hardest to understand & boiling over with fury. I don't want to appear prudish or harsh toward the situation & can only hope by trying a little harder to be understanding of this matter maybe he will eventually find it in himself to be honest & then we can get to work, who knows where it will end or indeed how. Certainly for now I have to try something as I can't imagine life in general without him.
I always welcome your thoughts & support.
Thank you
I don't recommend accusing him
in any case. That will just bring up all his resistance, artful rationalizations and self-righteous thinking - and make him feel the need to lie to avoid your wrath. I suggest sharing some materials that will let him assess his circumstances for himself. And don't bug him while he's figuring it out. That way he has no one else to project his "justifications" onto.
If you don't want to lead him to www.reuniting.info just now (since it's your support place), you might start elsewhere. for example, you could say you have more compassion for him than you had before as a result of reading...[whatever], and send him a link to the material.
For instance, you could share this article. It's not on our site, it's in the Huffington Post: "What Porn Users Taught Me" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marnia-robinson/what-porn-users-taught-me_...
Try to stay as neutral and unemotional with him as you can while he's sorting through this. Feel free to vent here, however. We know how painful this can be, and how much better everyone feels when addiction is NOT in the picture. But his first step must be to figure out he has a problem, and it will be easier for him if he knows he can discuss it (when he's ready) without feeling judged. Imagine if you were the one with the addiction, and you may see what I mean.
*big hug*
Addicted or Not
The simple challenge that has taught so much to so many is: can you go two weeks without porn? If so, no problem. If not, then you need to think about how it affects you. You don't have to report this to anyone else. Just use it to get a better understanding of yourself.
Here's a site that has that same challenge without religious or moral overtones: http://www.cracked.com/article_15725_10-steps-porn-addiction-where-are-y...
Good luck!
Couldn't agree more
The simple two-week "challenge" really was the most neutral, non-accusatory, non-judgmental way of getting the point across. It was this question that caused me to finally pause, and OBJECTIVELY consider the possibility that I was addicted to porn and that it wasn't good for me.
All other methods failed, and failed miserably. The moral stance had few legs to stand on. When your mind feels attacked, especially concerning an addiction, all kinds of protections you never considered come up. For porn, I had all kinds of reasonings as to why it wasn't bad, and how my use of it was actually good or at least not worth changing.
If you accuse your husband, or attack him from your perspective, the situation will grow worse, not better. He won't understand where you're coming from because you're coming from your perspective. He's not you; he doesn't see it that way. The two-week challenge doesn't come from you though. It's just a rhetorical question. Funnily enough, even guys who end up not quitting porn are hard-pressed to deny that they are indeed addicted. I've been to forum threads where a bunch of guys do a "no-masturbation challenge". Of the fifty that declare they're in, only 4 or 5 make it to the 1-3 week mark. And struggle mightily with it. The rest admit, in their own ways, that they'd rather download porn and can't "live" without it.
Sad state of affairs, but what you're angry at is something really deeply entrenched in the psyche. I still struggle with it right now, myself. I get bouts where I start thinking about it a lot more intensely than normal. While I haven't necessarily relapsed lately, you have to be prepared for that too. This isn't something one merely shrugs off.
Mega-kudos, Adora
Adora said "as tough as it is maybe I need to take control here, show him more affection, be more open my self & show some more understanding, instead of making him feel like a dirty old man, maybe then he will be more open with me if he feels love from me & knows I'll always be there for him." Adora, I think you've got it!
Adora, if I were in your husband's place, what I would want is to FEEL SAFE talking about the porn use. In other words, I would not want to feel afraid that I would be punished for admitting... anything. "Punishment" could be in the form of harsh judgments, scolding, lecturing, withholding of affection or sex, etc. If you have punished him in the past for admitting anything, then it may take some time to build up the trust to the point where he would feel safe talking with you.
I agree 1000% with what Marnia said in her "I don't recommend accusing him" post, above.
If you think you might need some help in learning how to communicate safely, I highly recommend the book Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg, and some related videos. See this thread for more about Nonviolent Communication (NVC): http://www.reuniting.info/node/2535
The Cracked article http://www.cracked.com/article_15725_10-steps-porn-addiction-where-are-y... is excellent also. It was that article that really challenged me to try giving up porn, and I voluntarily tried giving up masturbation at the same time. That was two years ago. Now I've been (almost) entirely porn free for those two years, and entirely masturbation free for 14 months. I actually prefer to live this way. (My story about this is at http://www.reuniting.info/node/1505)
Good luck with resolving this issue with your husband! I wish my own wife was willing to consider a more flexible/accepting/understanding/forgiving sort of communication style. Without "safe", open communication, it is pretty much impossible to resolve other issues.
The "Cracked" article
IS brilliant, but it's only part of the story. As you say, Fisherman, it just leaves a lot of guys "stuck" in the belief that they're addicts.
That's why I think something that points to the brain chemistry...and how natural it is for the primitive part of the brain to light up for novel partners...and what helps the brain "reboot" is important, too. But maybe that needs to come...er...later.
About Manhood...
Author and Men's Movement advocate Steve Biddulph says that 'manhood isn't a stage, it's a connection'. As I recall, he was implying lots of things, particularly being ok with your own father and the company of other men, being able to draw emotional nourishment from the connection with your mentors and guides etc. (Where there are issues with one's father he highly recommends putting forth some effort in resolving these as much as one can). When we speak of qualities like integrity or strength as being somehow 'male', and nurturing ability as being 'female', I cannot agree because I see those qualities amongst both sexes alike, as well as the lack thereof occasionally (this includes in myself!). For example, I have seen the process of birth and I reckon it looked like about the toughest thing I have ever seen anyone have to do. (She achieved it with both heroic strength and ultimately, love and surrender.) Furthermore, my kids rely on me for emotional nourishment and I love taking care of them when I have them over, cooking nice things for them etc. 'Feminine' quality? No, human quality. So I would definitely have to agree with Biddulph's view about what being a man entails, we can't pin it down with just a few qualities, it's about that connection he speaks of, I feel. Thank you for your post and the issue it raised.
Yes, I like your points.
Yes, I like your points. Similarly, "feminism" is only a response to the idea that women are less than human. When women are acknowledged as fully human, feminism will be obsolete, and gladly so.
The idea that women are somehow 'less than human'
is one I have never held, and as far as I know none of my male friends hold that strange idea either! From a global social perspective, however, women per se seem to often be treated in that way, (in some cultures the problem is much more extreme than in ours), and I do see your point also.
I would say this is not just
I would say this is not just a "global" (ie, 3rd world?) problem. It seems to me that men in this culture who watch porn that is violent to women are supporting this view/practice of treating women as less than human even if they intellectually don't believe that to be the case or treat women in their everyday lives that way.
violent porn
not sure if I saw women as less than human because of porn. I will give you a very honest feeling I got from watching that kind of porn and see what you think or other people think. After reading your post here I did some hard thinking on what I got from that kind of porn you speak of. Well it did get a reaction out of me. Make of this what you will this is how I honestly felt watching this stuff. I was really turned on by it. I did not like it for the violence it was the reaction of the women that I watched (I should add I have not watched for awhile and I know it is bad). Now what really got me is that I was jealous of these women more than anything. I wanted to feel what they were feeling in these vids. That may make me crazy but that is how I felt watching that type of video. That is what turned me on I wanted to be one of them and feel that.
I figure I need to be as honest as I can to get past my addiction so I am going to give as honest as I can. This may seem shocking it is even to me cause I never really put it into words. So is my head messed up I think so. Did I view or view women as less than human I do not know I do not think so but I am messed up enough in this area I probably can not tell.
Well these is an honest answer on one persons view of violent porn I am sure each person looks at it differently.
Is there any hope for me after rereading that I really am messed up. 20+ years of an addiction gets you to stranges places in the mind I guess.
Some Responses are wired in
When I was in university, a friend of mine was in feminist studies. She was part of a project to create a film about violence to women. It was shot in documentary style, and was intended to sensitize a male audience to the problems of abuse. It was based on statistics that showed that most raped women know their attacker. (That statistic was newer back then.) They ended up scrapping the project when they found that several of the test audience members admitted to being turned on by the material.
Others can bear me out on this, but the flight/fight rush of adrenaline/dopamine overlaps with sexual turn-on. In the real world, there would be no ambiguity. Your rational mind is able to distinguish whether your reaction should be fear or attraction. But when you're sitting safely on your couch watching images on a screen, the context changes and your brain can confuse the two. Personally, I think that pornographers are aware of this and deliberately play on this response to sell more porn.
Don't worry.
If we can't be completely honest here, in this place, where can we be? We need a space that is free of judgement, otherwise we would feel like we have to watch what we say or reveal. Just by showing up here you are already in a minority. There are far, far more men out there watching porn who don't see it as a problem. Let's remind ourselves that all the men here are deserving of respect for seeing that there is a problem, and having the desire to correct it. This is not an occasion for shame.
Yes addiction leads us into some strange places. I know what you're talking about there. And I know how you can feel like 'you' are pretty messed up. Well the good news is it's not you at all...
Keep being honest and truthful, almazrim, it's what we need. Helps the rest of us to speak up. Re violent porn, I understand what it is like to be drawn to images that actually shock and disturb you. That is part of the addiction, as I'm sure you know.
thanks and question
thanks for your honesty, it's great that you are able to spot what you felt! that's not an easy mission, to spot the subconscious reactions.
my question is: do you think it would have made a difference to your addiction if you would have known that these women don't enjoy that stuff at all? that they are just ACTING as if they would? that they were so afraid of those hardcore sets beforehand that they had to drug themselves?
and all this in search for love and attention which they never get
would that make a difference to this addiction or not? I am really asking. I know that Marnia would say, no it makes no difference. Is that really true? What do you guys say?
I certainly am not hoping
I certainly am not hoping that anyone will censor themselves in here, even if the truth is really very disheartening for me as a woman: to hear that violence turns men on.
As asher points out, the part of you that is messed up is not YOU. Likewise, I would suggest that the women who accept being treated inhumanely is not being fully herself. As Shelley Lubin puts it, "I sold what was left of my heart, mind and femininity to the porn industry and the woman and person in me died completely on the porn set."
But let's please get to the bottom of this. Even if that isn't the true and healthy you, or the true and healthy form of femininity, there is something deep going on here I believe that is more than just "being on drugs" (whether your own neurchemical imbalance or in the case of porn stars, the drugs they are on that allow them to go through with it).
My guess is that being a porn star has something to do with the deepest desire most women have to be THE most desired by men. Even in the face of abuse, being a porn star is confirmation of desirability.
And for men, most men deep down probably just want to be accepted, for who they are. Because they don't feel powerful in their lives, violence is a fantasy that lets them feel powerful and accepted. The women in these scenes will accept ANYTHING, and that is a turn on.
Or am I totally off the mark here? It seems to me that the turn on is something like being such a powerful male that the woman simply could not resist, she would accept all of you, she would do anything you wanted.
But almrazim says its something else. He was jealous of the women, and he was not excited by the violence, but by the RESPONSE to it.
So, what is the response of the women that excites you, and why are you jealous of it?
It has to do with control I believe
I think it is that they have givien up control of themselves for the pure pleasure. That is what many of the scenes appear to be. I know it is something else but that is the feeling that come across. That is what I think I was trying to say earlier. You just give in and it is out of your control and you like it cause you are free of actually doing anything yourself. It is the thought that they are in bliss. That is what I believe I am seeking with the masturbation, porn, and orgasm. That need to be accepted and to be in complete ecstasy. That is the jealous part. That is what those scenes appear to me to be showing someone is pure ecstasy.
Now that I have been here I see how things get twisted in my head. What I am looking for will never be found through this process. It is just so easy for the brain to get tricked into thinking this is the path just keeping pushing. While you are in this cycle deep you think it is wonderful. Now looking back it is kind of strange to think like that most of the time now(I am far from over this but even now I can see the very bad part of this). I will say that when I broke down and stoped coming here afew months and went back to porn an masturbation an orgasm I was not able to watch porn videos oh I tried I tried a lot but I just could not get turned on by them any more ( this is a good thing)
what I went to was images of women and they did not have to be nude (many were). My whole turn on changed but it was still porn and the same thing but at least I have been able to move from some of the worst of it. Now I just need to get past all the rest.
ok I got a little side tracked I hope I answered well enough. If not ask me more it helps to get as deep as I can into these thoughts and feelings so I can understand myself a little more.
thanks again for listening
No, I'm sorry, I'm still not
No, I'm sorry, I'm still not clear. You are saying that women truly enjoy violence? You are saying that experiencing violence is a blissful experience?
I can see how you would have a hard time giving up porn that depicts women actually enjoying themselves. What I am not getting is the connection between violent porn and women enjoying themselves, much less being in bliss or ecstacy. Perhaps they are not in bliss but simply totally dissociated?
I would be curious to see some of this violent porn that supposedly causes bliss in women.
What do other men here think who have been turned on by violent porn? Is the turnon the violence itself, the sense of control, the woman's response? Maybe all of it together.
I am just wondering how this sense of women's bliss and trust in porn would compare to the actual bliss you could give to a woman in real life, almrazim.
One thing I have noticed being a woman in this day and age and dating men who have inevitably ingested large amounts of porn: the act of sex starts to get an eery feeling of being terribly scripted. Men say things that you can tell is being informed by their porn watching, not their real feelings in the moment. It's like they want to embody porn scenes, but their porn watching has so truncated them from what sex can really be about that they are not even aware of how ridiculously scripted they are. Their come on lines, the things they say while having sex, the things they ask you to do or say become very predictable. It's really quite sad.
I doubt they were but the
I doubt they were but the scenes were setup to make them appear so. When I talk of violent porn I am not talking about things that did permanent physical harm (I am sure there is permanent emotional and psychological issues as you can see from reading former porn stars stories). I will give an example. A brief one I consider Violent porn if the women is tied up and any form of torture technique is used. I will stick with water. Lets say a women is tied up to a suspended metal frame and Hit with strong burst of water all over till well she had orgasm after orgasm hate to be blunt but I think I need to here. That was a turn on for me. How I got to that point is a long one. I was at the point that I would have loved to be in her position. Why I can not explain it any better than I have I do not have the words. Let me add that I hate real violence towards women as I said it was not the torture that got me but the fact that the women appeared to enjoy it and I wanted that. I know it sounds sick but what can I do that is where I was (not completely cure of that either but I am working on it).
let me try something else. I liked or like Hypnosis vids too. That is a non violent or less violent type of porn where women give over control.
I got really hooked to that. That got me trying erotic hypnosis up till I revisited this site. I could actually try some of the stuff they were doing to lose control. That was very strong feeling for me. I tried the erotic hypnosis and it did for awhile seem that it could give me what I wanted. You can tell how that ended. I am here. Cause none of that can give me what I really want and need. I can at least see that now.
I know why you are having trouble with what I am saying. You are far more in balance than I have ever been. I see how twisted it is after a short time of trying to stop the destructive cycle in me. Someone in balance or looking from the outside will find it hard to figure out. Trust me that is a good thing. It is a twisted view of things.
I get all messed up trying to get all the thoughts in my head down but this is about the best I can do I think. I will think on it some more see if I can explain parts better.
again let me say I do now wish violence on women. I actually hate it. See how twisted that is it does hurt looking back at some of the things I watched to get off on. The addiction is no excuse. I should have been above that but I was not. Now I have to deal with it as best i can. If I do find someone in the future I will not hide this part of my past from them. As long as this site is up I will even have them read my blog. If that is something they can not deal with then I will be ok with it. I just think that this is something I could not keep from someone I really want to be close without it eating at me till I could not stand it. So this is something I will have to deal with my whole life. I am ok with that too cause at least I see the problem with it now. Will I beat this addiction I hope so but I still have a long way to go.
If things do ever work out for me. I will at least know not to bring any of the stuff from the porn to the relationship. I at least have that little bit on my side I hope.
I rambled again please ask me to clarify or focus on any part of that if need be its a bit jumbled again there is just so much stuff in my head right now kind of hard to focus.
You will reach a state of
You will reach a state of balance eventually.
Some of these things can't be explained, or even understood.
The point is to realize what is REALLY important in life.
The point is to LIVE, enjoy, and share the joy with others.
Wishing you the best.
Sexual Intensity
A number of the men in Reuniting have talked about masturbating several times a day. A teenager, chock full of hormones, could do that with just a picture, but as you age, it takes material with a MUCH higher emotional content to reach repeated orgasms. That's why increasingly extreme porn is necessary. Personally, I don't think the guys looking at violent scenes are thinking about the real women (i.e. the actors) at all. The image is partly on the screen, but that's only a jumping off point for their own fantasy. Fantasy is mostly in your head.
Sad, but true.
Mirror neurons?
If we're craving intensity to snap us out of our low-dopamine doldrums, then watching someone else undergoing an intense experience allows us to partake as well. This can feel like welcome "medicine" for a "flat" brain.
I'm struck by how gray porn addicts say their regular world becomes while their brains are caught in the low-dopamine cycle. ONLY intense porn seems to offer relief from that "hopeless ghost in a gray world" feeling.
Worse yet, the "ghost" needs more and more intensity to feel "alive,"....until he reboots his brain by grinding through a grim withdrawal period. It's a lot less grim when shared with sympathetic listeners. So please reach out, guys...not just to us, but to every source of help during the worst of it, at least.
We're holding a vision of your restored good health.
Hopeless gray world
Hi Marnia,
Speaking only for myself, sex, whether with a partner or self-inflicted, never caused my world to go gray. Women never lost their appeal.
What turned my world gray was depression, which I view as the physical reflection of feelings of chronic hopelessness. In reading the posts of many of the men on Reuniting, I have wondered whether depression is playing a part in their lives and that porn is a way of self-medicating.
We men have this 'ability'
(not that we wanted it or created it) to put sex in a kind of 'compartment' totally separate from love and even reality it would seem. That is why a man feels like he is not betraying his girlfriend or wife when he looks at porn, cos it has nothing to do with her, it's a different realm that is purely about sex where love does not come into the equation. He can still actually love his girlfriend/wife, and only her, he just has a problem with porn, that's all. It is the same with the violent porn, though personally it's not my thing, but I'm sure that *most* men who are so 'into' this stuff would NEVER want to actually do this to a woman...cos it's nothing to do with reality at all, its a separate realm/compartment called 'pornland'. The trouble is that it does end up intruding and impacting on the relationship, in ways we all know, not being as interested in his partner anymore, etc...But honestly ladies, we men are programmed to constantly look around at different females, we did not create this program! That's why we get so easily hooked on porn...it plays to our weakness (by the way, in the animal kingdom where this program was formed, it was not considered a weakness at all...).
In an ultimate sense this is of course unhealthy, it is better to have a unity between sex, love and one woman in your life (human life as distinct from animal life). That is what we strive for!
It is a self-justification
It is a self-justification of the hungry-ghost that says, "This is not real so it is okay."
Again, that word REAL coming up. A tricky thing to define.
The porn scenes shot take place in real time with real people, for those scenes and women who are not 3-d animations.
The masturbation and having sex with the computer takes place in real time by real men.
The effects of viewing porn, as you point out, have real impacts on real relationships.
It seems porn is actually quite real - a real relationship with real consequences.
If it were not real, it would be easy to stop. Everything we perceive is real. What is real is where we place our attention. We decide what is real to us based off of how much we pay attention to it.
Of course women understand that porn is not the same kind of infidelity as that with a living breathing woman. Just like a man understands that its not. The infidelity lies in the insult that many men seemingly would rather have sex with their computer and with "unreal" women, than with real ones. THAT is the infidelity.
I think its a misperception on the part of men when they believe that women are stupid enough to think that the infidelity lies in the man's actual desire to have a living breathing relationship with the porn star. This is not the point. The point is this: it is VERY discouraging to see just how much time, energy, vitality, money, attention, fantasy, and sexual energy men prefer to pour into a machine, into something "not real". It is a turnoff to see how sexually boring our men have become, all in their search for novelty and interaction without consequences, yet still in the name of the feeling of manly "power." How could one feel power without consequences? It is a turnoff to see that so many men would rather hoodwink themselves and leave their women lonely and neglected, than they would really feel their power and the manifestations of their power. Instead, they watch simulacrums of it. Instead, they watch a fantasy of the selves they can't muster to be.
Men and women are mutually defining. A man's power means nothing without a woman's power. To the extent that men undermine their own power, they undermine women's. To the extent that women undermine their own power, they undermine men's. To the extent that men undermine women's power, they undermine their own. To the extent women undermine men's power, they undermine their own.
We've gotta get on the new program here. I don't care about "old programming," I care about your power. Neither do I care about the whole sob story of the abuse of that power in the past. I care about the strength you do or do not have to own your power, to get over the infidelity to your power that has been afforded by laziness, neurochemical explanations, comparisons to various other animal species, etc etc. Those explanations can always be found, and they may have truth to them, but the point still remains whether or not you actually do CHOOSE free will within the context of the karmic patterns you have created.
This is all of our task, and its a spiritual task. It's what makes life meaningful, or meaningless.
I think understand what you
I think understand what you are saying. I do not want to do the sob story (although I have been doing that in some post). I wish to get rid of the old programming. Why do men let themselves get addicted to porn. I wish I had the answer. For me I think I may have one.
Fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being hurt ( yeah I know I have hurt myself far more). Fear of not meeting expectations of being a man. Fear of hurting or mistreating someone I love. Fear of losing that someone.
yes Fear. The are other fears I just can not come up with the words. It all comes down to fear. Outside of family I fear women. that is as best as I can put it. how you can be so attracted to women and fear them at the same time is very hard. In many cases I just freeze up can not talk to women.
This is part of what drove me to porn and masturbation. No fear. No rejection. Anything I wanted at any time. See the seduction there. It is no excuse but the seduction is there.
So Fear starts it. Then after the orgasm overload your mind loses what ability you had to get past the fear. Then you are on a loop. The fear just gets more and more and you need that fix again and again which give the fear more and more control.
then after 20+ years you have the mess that is me. I do not know how to explain me any better or how to fix me. I can only go by the best guide I have found and that is this website.
I know what I have talked about and done and felt toward porn and women disturbs you and I am sorry for that. Again there is nothing I can do about the past I can only move forward form here and see if I can fix myself before it is too late.
You're obviously a
You're obviously a sweetheart, almrazim. But you're right - a fearful sweetheart doesn't have much to offer. If you fear women, its time to start get over that. Not just by stopping porn, but by realizing you're a great guy and that you need to start some new programming by interacting with real women. Please do yourself a favor and have some courage.
Thank you. Hopefully in the
Thank you. Hopefully in the near future I will. Now you have me crying (but I think that might be a good thing).
I can still not believe how great the people on this site are.
With everyones support on this site how can a fail. I can at least now see some light at the end of that tunnel.
A big Thank You to everyone here.
What's underlying the porn use
Hotspring wrote: "It is a turnoff to see that so many men would rather hoodwink themselves and leave their women lonely and neglected, than they would really feel their power and the manifestations of their power."
Don't forget, Hotspring, that in that unenlightened world out there outside of Reuniting, there are a lot of couples with seemingly mismatched sex drives. When the man wants sex (orgasms) more often than his partner is willing to give, the man is apt to feel resentful (and probably "lonely and neglected" as well!) and will seek other means to get his "needs" met, such as masturbation, porn, and having sex with other women (or men, or farm animals...)
If it was common knowledge that people don't need orgasms to lead a happy, sane life, I expect there would be a lot less porn use and a lot more happy relationships. Not to mention less domestic violence, fewer broken homes, less sexual abuse of children, etc.
Do men really only want sex?
Do men really only want sex? If they do, I suppose that given these basic needs, porn or farm animals DO serve a very important function.
But I don't think that only sex fulfills men's deepest needs. I think that men's needs go much, much deeper than just physical drive and release. These needs are embodied in physicality and release and so are mistaken for them.
What is it that men really need? I am willing to try to hear you if you do end up saying: they just need physical release. That is how men are. But althought I will hear it, I can't afford to be resigned to it. I can't really let my view of men get that malnourished, tho I have come close at times. If I do let myself cave in to such a two-dimensional view of men, women are inevitably doomed in this scenario.
See, for a woman, there is no such thing as "simply sex." There can't be, because sex has repercussions, which she is bound to have to carry out if she isn't alert. The whole fertility problem - the fact that the most simple purpose of sex is to procreate.
Sure, we can say that hormonal birth control has made it possible for women to "simply have sex." But at what cost, and whose? Is it simple to alter your hormones every single day for years on end? That is a hugely complex sacrifice for the sake of everyone else's need to "simply f***."
I, personally, as a woman, have a need to make that place inside me in which life can grow a place that is respected and held sacred. If I disrespect it by ignoring my creative power and blunting it with hormones, I am doing both men and myself a disservice because I have blunted my creative power (procreative power can be turned into any kind of creative power, if it is channeled and not blunted). So, the only way to get around this is to have a shared form of conscious birth control. Then sex can be "simply sex", but conscious and intentional and with shared responsibility. In the end, partner-based birth control is the only way that I have found to simply have sex (and not to procreate). It's very difficult to do without a partner.
No not just sex
Well I have never had sex with anyone but I do know now that the masturbation, porn, and orgasm at least for me has been a way to try and fill a void. They can never fill it though no matter how hard you try (trust me I have tried a lot). I can now see and I am positive that I am right (I have done no studies on it but) the only thing that can fill the void I speak of is a companion. I have had problems as you know and I am talking about an dealing with them as best I can now. I only see one way out and that is with a real relationship with another person. I can only hope that if I do find someone I do not make a mess of it. I think I ( I will not speak for all men) got all my circuits mixed. Physical release is fine (Orgasm does feel good in the moment no way around that) but it is not enough. I am hooked on this cycle cause I have tried to trick my mind into thinking this is just as good and that all I need is myself and I will be fine. Well it is all a lie the whole porn scene is one big lie that seduces your mind into thinking it is all good. The bad thing is my mind wanted to hear that. It wanted the easy way. Well it seemed the easy way not too sure about that now.
I'll cut the rambling and say again. I am sure (maybe it is not for all men but I am thinking it is) that I need more than the physical release. I want something that does not even require physical release. I want to connect with someone I do not have the words but just way more than physical. If I were better with putting feelings into words I think I could explain better.
If is was just physical release using orgasm then I would be fine had enough of those for anyone. No matter how many orgasms no matter how much porn no matter how much of all of it I try and do and absorb none of it fills the void or makes the pain go away. So there has to be more there has to be something I am missing cause physical release does nothing to make the pain go away.
so much for cutting the ramblings
well there are my views on what I think this whole mess is about with me.
For me,
bringing science into the discussion is just a way to give those of us who need experts to tell us what we should already sense ourselves (but often don't due to media distortions) clear "permission" to benefit from health-giving choices and behaviors.
Just as you point out, we have been given the subtle(?) message constantly that orgasm is the key to happiness...and its short-term benefits make that really easy to accept without examining.
So here's another science reminder. We are pair bonders. Just like we're tribal primates. We get very important rewards, which soothe stress levels and improve health, when we connect with a mate, when we exchange physical affection (whether or not orgasm occurs) and when we have friendly interaction with others.
It's not your imagination when you recognize that you want more than just orgasm, and that the "orgasm substitute" is inadequate. I'm working on an article on this now. Here's part one of "The Mysteries of Pair Bonding": https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200910/the-my...
A friend once said
that every woman should have a shot of testosterone...just for a day. I often think of that. I suspect that if we women DID have that shot, a lot of these mysteries would instantly be solved. We'd understand how easy it is to slip into the porn trap and a lot of the other things discussed so candidly (thanks, guys) in this amazing thread. (By the way, in Act 2 of this radio show, a woman actually DOES take testosterone...as part of a sex change...and it's a real eye-opener for "her." http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=220)
At the same time, I think many of us here, of both sexes, can see that sexual relationships have a great deal more hidden potential...even if we're not sure exactly how to tap it consistently. For me, it's a great feeling when we challenge each other to raise our sights. Porn recovery is sort of a crash course in this same shift. "Maybe the last shall be first" or something like that.
Do men really only want sex?
Well, _some_ do, from what I can recall of my high school and college days. Others want something more, and it probably is different for different men. They might be looking for a close friend, a soulmate, "somebody to love" (the Beatles), someone to talk to, someone to share activities with, someone to share physical touch with, snuggle up with, sleep with, someone to be the mother of their kids, someone to cook and do the housework, or someone to show off to their friends (a "trophy" wife).
I think sex is pretty important for most men. Most probably think they would be unhappy or would go crazy without it. And sex and orgasm get mixed up, in the sense that it probably never occurs to most men that they could have sex _without_ orgasm, and most would be incredulous (unless they were open-minded enough to try it) that sex without orgasm could be enjoyable and perhaps even be preferable to conventional sex.
Even I, with my new-found Reuniting wisdom and enlightenment, would have a hard time considering a long-term relationship where there could be no sex at all, ever (due to a medical condition for example). Of course I want other things in a relationship, such as companionship and sharing physical affection, but sex (karezza) is still fairly important to me.
Hell yes, getting laid is
Hell yes, getting laid is important, VITALLY important. I suggest without good laying, most women are miserable as well. I know I sure have been. That's why I'm moving on. Because I simply need to get laid. If only it were that simple!
What it comes down to is that a lot of men and women in this culture are sexually frusterated. It may take different forms, but that's basically what's going on. For a woman, it could manifest as frigidity, for a man it could manifest as trying to have sex with an electronic device. In both cases, this is not "our natural state", or our inherent sexuality as men and women. Let's not please think that just because it is a natural response to try to deal with sexual frusteration, that those responses are our natural state of healthy sexuality. Once we have been in this state of sexual frusteration for a certain point of time (or lifetimes) we may begin to think that we are simply "mismatched," and that we have to follow our own "true nature" to be "happy."
Marnia, I have heard that radio piece about the testosterone injection a couple of times (I remember when it first came out). Yes, it is sobering. Yes, I do realize that it could be quite quite challenging to have so much testosterone. Still, I am not a man. I can try to imagine, and I can gain some level of sympathy, but when the day is done I am a woman and I must speak from my sense as a woman.
We can look at things from a purely neurochemical perspective, but neurochemical events are triggered by, respond to, and are embodied in contextual social acts, and that's the level that interests me more. It is not enough to know that we are all on drugs, and that there are different points of equilibrium for us each (tho that is a start). We must start to communicate and to reach out to one another.
Please, all of you know, that I get truly earnest and thoughtful about all of this stuff, and yes - sometimes a bit haughty or sad or worked up - but I ultimately do believe that men and women have the capactiy to experience true bliss and union and balance and so this work is worth it. I know I'm certainly grateful to all who have shared with me some of their experiences so that I could try to understand another human being.
Well said: another human being
Hi Hotspring,
A big mistake I made was to generalize from the woman I was with to all women. Talking to women online in forums such as this one was an eye-opener for me. It made me look at my wife with new eyes. The revelation for me was understanding the effect of external stress on our relationship. Sex is like comfort food for me: I turn to it for relief. Stress was a complete turn off for my wife. When there is stress in her life sex is the last thing she wants.
Like Marnia says elsewhere, it's hard not to take something as emotionally loaded as that personally. She started thinking, all he wants is my body. I started thinking, she's denying me on purpose. That led to a rift in our relationship. For years, our marriage turned into a business transaction: you pick up the kids and I'll buy the groceries. It saddened both of us.
Moving on?!
Are you leaving Goldenheart, or leaving Reuniting? Either way, I'm very sorry to hear that.
I am leaving Goldenheart. I
I am leaving Goldenheart. I have realized that he is my best friend most of all. He is not able to take initiative in being physical with me. The reasons for that are complicated, and not entirely his fault. He is truly dear to me but I have to admit that we do not flow well sexually or intellectually, even though I value him and love him more than I have any other man.
It's quite sad, but necessary. I feel like I gave it a good try. It was difficult to let go of my attachments to him, which run very deep and stong despite these other issues. When I came out of the ceremony about six months ago, it was clear to me that I simply could not let him go because I loved him too much. The child I saw speaking to me I now believe was a probability structure - the one that my subconcsious magnified to me because having a family and a child is one of my deep desires. Goldenheart would have been a wonderful father. He is wonderful in so many ways. But there was no spark at all physically. He could not be active, I could not be receptive. He was always receptive, I was always active, and I resented this as I wanted to be in the feminine position, but there was nothing to receive because he was too accomodating.
We could have had a beautiful family, been good partents and good friends. I just decided that wasn't enough. I need sex in my life, and badly. It's like food. I tried the exchanges with him, I tried long periods of abstinence from orgasm, we had orgasmic sex as well that was "technically" hot, if you consider multiple orgasms the be all and end all of what hot sex is. But at the end of the day, I had no desire for him whatsoever. I beat myself up about it, but that's simply stupid. I'd rather move on, tho it is hard to do. I do feel like I've failed on one level. I'm also quite relieved at the same time.
I have a tear for you
It's a difficult thing you're doing
and isn't that weird to have those conflicting feelings?.....failure and relief.
Much love
Yes, difficult. Still, my
Yes, difficult. Still, my life is blessed.


text:
Written on: 26/09/2012 by CarlRose (1 review written)
We managed for several years with a portable gas barbeque that still does sterling service for days out in the car. We decided three summers ago however, that we needed to invest in a 'proper' charcoal barbeque, and went to the Grosvenor Garden Centre near Chester, as although generally a bit expensive, they could be relied upon to have a good choice in stock. The cynic in me thought I might have a poke and prod at the display models and then come away to find a better deal online.
A couple of things became very clear - there are some very shoddily assembled barbeques available for big money, and only one or two products show any evidence that they have been designed carefully to do the job, rather than just follow the established crowd. The Barbeskew was huge, blue, solidly built and un-priced, which is typical of anything in any shop that catches my eye - I always end up having to ask the price!
In the event, the price asked was enough to make me reach for my wallet on the spot, and we then had to pile the kids back into the car, drive home and set out again to collect it in my wife's car, which had enough room in the back to load the new purchase. (If it matters, it wouldn't fit in a BMW 5 series saloon, but did fit in the back of a Saab 9000).
Once it was home and assembled, I filled some time reverse-researching my purchase online, and hoping that I had made a good one! What I found (among many positive reviews) was that the product had made an appearance on Dragons' Den - apparently no-one invested, but one of the Dragons bought one :) Secondly, I spotted that 'my' Barbeskew should have come with an additional conventional bbq grill fitting so that it could be used conventionally as well as by using the rotiseries. When I rang the product helpline, I spoke directly to the chap off Dragons' Den, who was charm itself and took my details to send a bbq grill to me. Fab service, and if the price I paid for my Barbeskew reflected the fact it was 'old stock' from before the bbq grill was included...well - I did ok to get the old price in combination with the new specification.
In fact, the bbq grill has been a huge benefit, because as much as I love the barbeskew features, the Barbeskew is a terrific conventional bbq too. The ability to wind the charcoals up and down relative to the food gives a chef ;) so much control - even compared to the more conventional approach where you might raise or lower the grill with the food on. Using the Barbeskew, you don't have to burn yourself or have the sausages roll off the grill onto the lawn.
I line the charcoal tray with kitchen foil before using an 'instant light' bag of charcoal and supplementing this with a handful or two of conventional briquettes once it's all flaming nicely - this is a really big charcoal tray! The foil allows a really easy clean-up once the coals have cooled - just wrap the remaining dust up in the foil and drop it into the bin.
What has become very apparent about the Barbeskew is just how robustly it is made: ours has been outdoors all year for three years now (under it's tailored cover, and in a sheltered corner of the garden, but still open to the elements) and once cleared of cobwebs, looks every bit as good as new. The blue enamel finish on the hood is really something unusual in terms of quality - I remember the owner / designer talking about how hard he had worked to ensure the very best quality enamelling was used, and as far as I can see, his efforts were justified.
Quite apart from anything else, the Barbeskew is the only way to make souvlaki that has you pining for those cheap Greek holidays so sadly now gone forever: Corfu, Kalymnos, Cyprus, Parga, Cephalonia.
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