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On a fateful summer morning in 1986, two 11-year-old girls meet for the first time. By the end of the day, they will both be charged with murder. Twenty-five years later, journalist Kirsty Lindsay is reporting on a series of sickening attacks on young female tourists in a seaside vacation town when her investigation leads her to interview carnival cleaner Amber Gordon.
For Kirsty and Amber, it's the first time they've seen each other since that dark day so many years ago. Now with new, vastly different lives - and unknowing families to protect - will they really be able to keep their wicked secret hidden? Gripping and fast-paced, with an ending that will stay with you long after you've listened to it, The Wicked Girls will appeal to fans of the Academy Award–nominated film Heavenly Creatures and the novels of Rosamund Lupton and Chevy Stevens.
©2012 Alex Marwood (P)2013 Tantor
"Really my rating is 4 1/2 stars."
Top 5
Yes. The main characters are complex and original. They are exciting and unpredictable. However, there are a few predictable scenes, but just enough to make the plot understandable.
Most of the novels I like fall flat at the end, but I though this one had a perfect falling action and ending.
Leading Character: Amber, because she is one of kind, but in a believable way. Supporting Character: Jackie, because we all have known a "Jackie" in our life
I don't usually write reviews, but I wanted to take the time to review this book, because I was unsure about buying it at first.....not a well known author....not a ton of great reviews...but I was so pleasantly surprised that it was one of those books that I could not stop listening to...so I have to spread the word!
"Engrossing from beginning to end"
Yes. I don't like listening to audiobooks twice but theses characters were given such realistic motivations and personalities that I'm sure a second listen would reveal a few more details.
To me, the book was about the nuances of what makes a person good and/or evil and the characterizations illustrated those very clearly. Narrator was top notch too. Each character had their own distinct way of speaking and she went from one to the other flawlessly which could have easily gone sideways given all the different vernaculars and intonations.
Jackie [I think that was her name]. I hated this character but from the performance, I got a clear picture of who she was and who she wanted to be but wasn't. This character used a lot of slang and again is one of the characters that could have been over done but Bentnick did it with restraint.
Amber. She's a better woman than I'd have been.
Highly recommended. I had to pace myself and not listen to it in one sitting. I saved it for time when I had to complete a painting which requires something to keep me in my seat.
"I didn't want to like these girls..."
...but somehow, I found myself rooting for them anyway.
Belle and Jade are notorious for a horrible crime they committed when they were only 11 years old. Now it's twenty years later. One is a journalist writing Sunday Supplement "in depth" pieces. The other is a cleanup crew supervisor at a local amusement park. Both have spouses as well as new names.
They've moved on--kinda. Neither has told any of the people in her life about the past, and neither wants to. But when a string of murders brings them back together, their deception may have to be revealed.
This book was definitely a page-turner. With so many lies going around, something is always on the edge of being uncovered! There's also the suspense of finding out what really happened on that horrible day twenty years before--that story is mixed in throughout the book.
But even such an exciting story can touch on a lot of different themes. Besides deception, you'll find such topics as social inequality, relationships, parenting, and passing judgment on others. Marwood deals with all these competently, without hitting us over the head.
The most amazing thing about this book, though, is that I ended up liking people I didn't want to like, and hoping they'd come out all right, no matter what they might have done. Only careful character development can do that, and this book has it.
There are some grisly scenes here, but nothing you wouldn't find in your average crime novel. The narrator is just plain excellent. There are a lot of characters to keep track of, but she varied her voice for each. Two characters have changes in social class, and their accents change appropriately according to what time period the book is currently in.
Overall, a great, suspenseful listen and well worth the credit! Five stars all around.
"Intensely atmospheric, great suspense"
Wicked Girls was a great read. I enjoyed the in-depth and insightful character development of especially the main characters. However, the author also drew me in by adding depth to other characters in the novel. There is not one extraneous character in the book; each plays an important role, not necessarily big or small, but each character sheds a little more light, woven into the plot and the protaganists more and more as the book proceeds. Each person in the novel and their interactions with our main characters serve to help the reader understand or at least see the motivations and reasons behind the girls' actions, their pasts, their present-day lives, and the story that unfolds. Also, the sense of place and atmosphere was so well done. I can picture the seaside, boardwalk, the houses, the environment, can feel the weather, see the characters' faces. Overall, I really enjoyed The Wicked Girls- of the author's three books to date on Audible, I preferred this one above all and would recommend it highly.
"A Fresh and Unique Story"
I liked the way the story jumped back and forth between present day and the past and introduced us to a set of characters who grew deeper and more complex as their story was revealed. I didn't want to become engaged in their story given the horrific nature of their crime but I couldn't help being captivated. The ways in which the lives intertwined was simply great!The ending of the book for me was the most memorable because it brought everything full circle for me. I think the author made the right choice with the ending - it felt right to me on several levels and allowed for forgiveness where is was due. The writing really conveyed the feeling behind the foggy, coastal town and old amusement park clinging to the shores. It had a great setting that helped set the whole tone of the book. It was a different perspective and made me really think, which I always appreciate about a book.
"Poignant. Real. Unusually insightful."
Yes. A superb narrator and a fresh approach to some familiar content make this book a stand-out. I always love a British setting and I didn't feel spoon-fed here. Quite a lot was left to the listener to figure out. Authors that can trust the reader in this way have a maturity others don't seem to "get" -- James Patterson, Johnathan Kellerman et al -- this means you! The structure of the book is fairly complex, jumping back and forward, not always chronologically -- that is so hard to pull off without frustrating the listener but Marwood manages it masterfully.
I loved Blessing, a minor character who is beautifully realized. Amber is very well written, too.
She speaks beautifully; her accents are delightful and each character comes to life.
Yes! I listened to the whole thing over one weekend. Compulsive listening!
For fans of the likes of Ruth Rendell and the Nicci French duo -- I think I can safely say you'll enjoy this one!
"Provocative and Sad"
I have not read the print version.
Without giving anything away, how Chloe's murder unfolded.
Ms. Bentinck did a great job by lending color to the story. However, with a bit of imagination, I bet the written book is equally as good.
The story was well planned, complicated (in a good way), and while some threads of the story were almost a given (tabloid news given), the ending surprised me. I was deeply saddened by the ending, though can see how it mirrors life. I looked to see if Audible carried Marwood's second book and was disappointed they did not.
"Haunting, memorable,wonderfully read."
Among the top 20 for sure.
Yes, I really broke down and cried at one point but to describe it would be a major spoiler.
The writer seems to have drawn on certain elements of the Venables/Thompson case (mainly the post-trial lives of the two perpetrators) as a template for her protagonist's lives. These two characters, who really seem to have been far less malicious than their non-fictional counterparts, clearly have had their lives destroyed by a horrible accident/mistake/moment of terrible childish poor judgement, call it what you will, and are far more sympathetic than those two real-life child sociopaths.
Nevertheless, redemption doesn't come easily to either of these women, and it is surprisingly easy to get caught up in their struggle to attain it, to find a space in the world where they can be accepted, and a space within themselves where they can find self acceptance and inner forgiveness for what they've done.
This is a very layered, multi-leveled character study that is also a great, edge of the seat suspense story, expertly told.
A dark and painful tale of misery and lives-gone-horribly-wrong, told exquisitely by an author in full control of his audience (and narrated by the perfect voice). I loved it!
The tragic events of a day long ago when the two protagonists were 11 years old are revealed chronologically, and interspersed with what's happening in the present day, when a dreadful coincidence brings the two women together as adults. It's hard to say what's more hypnotic: the dreadful events that are unfolding, or to see the paths their two lives took as a result of that one day in their childhood. I could not tear my eyes (ears?) away. And can't wait for more novels by this author.
This story is fiction but reads like true crime. Two preteen girls are involved in the death of a small child. The circumstances of this event are slowly revealed as the author goes between the adult lives of the girls and the past they both want to forget. There is also the mystery of the seaside strangler intertwined with the other plot line. The writing is very good. The narration is well done.
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|Judgment - Kleinwort Benson Limited v. City of Glasgow District Council continued
|(back to preceding text)
Where on the other hand there has undoubtedly has been a contract constituted and the Court has jurisdiction under Article 5(1) the Court should be able to deal not only with such issues as whether the obligation is still enforceable or indeed whether the contract is still extant but also with any claims which arise consequentially on the determination of any issue about performance, such as damages or an award quantum meruit. When the defendant challenges the continued existence of the contract and seeks some remedy on the basis that it has terminated, that could procedurally be brought within the scope of Article 6(3) whereby the court of the place of performance is given jurisdiction to entertain a counterclaim arising from the same contract or facts on which the original claim was based. Where the remedy is sought by the plaintiff that should be competent under the principle expressed in the maxim accessorium sequitur principale. That principle was recognised in Shenevai v. Kreischer [1987] E.C.R. 239 as an applicable guide where several obligations arise under the same contract are in issue. That approach was adopted in this House in Union Transport Plc. v. Continental Lines S.A. [1992] 1 W.L.R. 15. But the obligation in such cases will still be the contractual obligation which formed the basis of the proceedings. It will not be any separate obligation, such as an obligation to pay damages or an obligation to make a quantum meruit payment. As was stated in de Bloos at paragraph 14 of the judgment:
But in order for the Court to entertain the accessory or consequential matters the principal matter must be within the jurisdiction. In a case where there has never been a contract, either after inquiry by the Court or by admission, so that no jurisdiction lies under Article 5(1) for the determination of any dispute about the performance of a contractual obligation, there is nothing to which any relief then claimable can be seen as accessory.
There are of course attractive arguments in favour of giving one court the power to deal with the whole extent of claims which are in some way related to each other. Certainly it is desirable to avoid an accumulation of different grounds of jurisdiction for associated claims. But the apparent convenience of such a course cannot be allowed to overcome the jurisdictional rules set out in the Act. In Kalfelis the Advocate General put forward a view to the effect that different grounds of claim can all be attracted to Article 5(1) and channelled into it together. But that view was not adopted by the Court. What the Court stated was (para 20):
Two sentences from the judgment in Peters (at p. 1003F) may usefully be quoted here:
Where the court has jurisdiction on the ground of an acknowledged contractual obligation it should be able to dispose of all the issues raised in the case. If there is a fundamental question about its jurisdiction because there is a dispute whether there has ever been a contractual obligation it may try that issue under Article 5(1) but has no obligation and indeed no power to go further if the attempt to establish the jurisdiction fails.
In this context the close connecting factor which provides the basis for the special jurisdiction prescribed by Article 5(1) is of importance. It was stated in Peters (p. 1002) that:
Where there is no contractual obligation and no place for the performance of a contractual obligation there is no close connecting factor and no justification for the invocation of Article 5(1). In addition there must be an identifiable place of performance. In Tessili v. Dunlop [1976] E.C.R. 1473 (at p. 1485) the Court stated that the identification of the place of performance required to be determined by national law adding that "the determination of the place of performance of obligations depends on the contractual context to which these obligations belong." And as Lord Maxwell observed in Bank of Scotland v. I.M.R.O. 1989 S.L.T. 432 at p. 445 in relation to the corresponding provision in Schedule 8 to the Act of 1982: "If they (the petitioners) are unable to identify a place of performance of the obligation in question in my opinion they cannot rely on Rule 2(2)."
These wider considerations however are not of immediate relevance to the particular issue which arises in the present case. The claim which is being made by the respondent in the present case is simply and solely a claim for restitution. That is not a claim based on a contract but a claim based on the principle of undue enrichment. The remedy of restitution is in a category distinct from that of contractual remedies. That appears to be the position not only in England and Scotland but also in at least a number of the other states in Europe. That the parties purported to enter into a contract which turned out to be void ab initio is matter of background history, too remote from the claim now made to be related to a contract in the sense intended by Article 5(1), even if what is now agreed to be a void contract can properly be called a contract at all. In the present case the plaintiffs do not seek to found on any contract; indeed their claim is one which is pursued in the absence of any contract. There is no contractual obligation forming the basis of their claim. There is no clear place of performance such as can establish the close connection between the dispute and the courts of that place. In my view there is no jurisdiction available under Article 5(1) for the purposes of the present case.
Counsel for the respondent presented a brief argument upon the possible applicability of Article 5(3) to the present proceedings. This was based on a passage in the opinion of Advocate General Darmon in Shearson Lehman Hutton v. TVB [1993] E.C.R. I-139 at p. 178 where he construed a passage in the judgment of the court in Kalfelis as enabling a claim for unjust enrichment to fall within Article 5(3). It is evident that the argument depends upon an imprecise translation of the passage in Kalfelis and properly understood the judgment does not support the suggested conclusion. The basis for the argument in the present case then disappears.
For the reasons which I have given I consider that the order granted by Hirst J. was correct and I would allow the appeal.
My Lords,
Section 16 of the Civil Jurisdiction and Judgments Act 1982 allocates proceedings in civil and commercial matters within the different jurisdictions of the United Kingdom in accordance with Schedule 4 to that Act which contains a modified version of Title II of the Convention on Jurisdiction and the Enforcement of Judgments in Civil and Commercial Matters 1968 (the Brussels Convention).
Section 16(3) provides:
Article 2 of Schedule 4 provides:
Article 5 of Schedule 4 provides:
The appellant, City of Glasgow District Council (Glasgow), is domiciled in Scotland and the first issue for determination on this appeal is whether in the action brought in the High Court of Justice in England by the respondent, Kleinwort Benson Limited (Kleinwort Benson), for restitution of moneys paid under interest rate swap agreements which were void ab initio, Glasgow is being sued pursuant to Article 5(1):
The claim of Kleinwort Benson in its writ of summons is for restitution and there is no claim in contract. In English law it is clear that a claim for restitution is a separate and distinct cause of action from a claim in contract. In Fibrosa Spolka Akcyjna v. Fairbairn Lawson Combe Barbour Ltd. [1943] A.C. 32 at 61 Lord Wright stated:
In Westdeutsche Bank v. Islington L.B.C. [1996] A.C. 669, 710E Lord Browne-Wilkinson stated:
Therefore in English law the action brought by Kleinwort Benson against Glasgow is not a claim in contract.
However, in my opinion, the consideration that the action brought by Kleinwort Benson is not in English law a claim in contract is not decisive, for two reasons, in favour of Glasgow on the question whether, within the meaning of Article 5(1), it is being sued "in matters relating to a contract." First, the words "may . . . be sued in matters relating to a contract" are wider than the words "may be sued on a contract." Secondly, pursuant to section 16(3)(a) the meaning of Article 5(1) is to be determined having regard to "any relevant principles laid down by the European Court in connection with Title II of the 1968 Convention and to any relevant decision of that court as to the meaning or effect of any provision of that Title."
In the present case the Court of Appeal referred to the European Court for a preliminary ruling the questions arising in the present appeal. The European Court held that it had no jurisdiction to give a preliminary ruling as the provisions of the Brussels Convention which the court was asked to interpret were not directly applicable to the present case, and therefore the court did not have jurisdiction to give replies which were merely advisory and would not have binding effect. But, in my opinion, whilst the European Court has declined to give a ruling for the reason it stated, and notwithstanding the difference in wording between section 16(3)(a) which requires regard to be had to any relevant principles laid down by, and any relevant decisions of, that Court, and section 3(1) of the 1982 Act which requires any question as to the meaning or effect of any provision of the Brussels Convention, if not referred to the European Court, to be determined "in accordance with the principles laid down by and any relevant decision of the European Court", the wording of Section 16(3)(a) does not mean that regard is only to be had to the principles laid down by, and decisions of, the European Court if English law does not provide clear guidance on the meaning of an Article in Schedule 4. Rather I consider that section 16(3)(a) provides that an English court is to seek guidance from any relevant principle laid down by, and any relevant decision of, the European Court, where the English court is construing an article in Schedule 4. Schedule 4 closely follows the wording of Title II of the Brussels Convention and the wording of Article 5(1) of Schedule 4 is identical to the first part of Article 5(1) of the Brussels Convention, save for the substitution of the words "part of the United Kingdom" for the words "Contracting State", and it is clearly desirable that an English court should give the same meaning to Article 5(1) of Schedule 4 as the European Court gives to Article 5(1) of the Brussels Convention.
The primary submission advanced on behalf of the appellant, Glasgow, by Mr. Burton QC was that as the contract between Glasgow and Kleinwort Benson was void ab initio and as Kleinwort Benson is suing, not in contract, but for restitution, the present action is not one in which Glasgow is being sued "in matters relating to a contract."
The primary submissions advanced on behalf of Kleinwort Benson by Mr. Pollock QC can be briefly summarised as follows. First, Article 5(1) does not distinguish between contracts which, in accordance with differing domestic systems of law, are treated as valid, voidable, unenforceable or void. Secondly, where two parties have come together for the purpose of entering into a contractual relationship, have fulfilled the requirements of certainty and finality necessary to conclude an agreement, intend to enter into a contract and believe that they have in fact done so, it is intelligible and sensible to treat the resolution of the consequences of their acts, having proved ineffective in law, as falling within the concept of "matters relating to a contract." Thirdly, an important objective of the Brussels Convention is that a national court should be able to rule upon the issue of its own jurisdiction by applying a relatively simple test without being compelled to consider the substance of the case, and that a purposive interpretation of Article 5(1) leads to the conclusion that the present claim arose from "matters relating to a contract."
My Lords, whilst there is no decision of the European Court directly on the point which arises for decision in this appeal, consideration of the judgments of that Court has led me to the conclusion that the submissions on behalf of Glasgow should be accepted and that its appeal should succeed. The judgments relied on by Mr. Burton which have caused me to form this opinion are the following. In Kalfelis v. Schröder [1988] E.C.R. 5565 the Court treated a claim for unjust enrichment as a cause of action separate and distinct from a cause of action in contract and a cause of action in tort, and the judgment states at page 5581:

subset: commoncrawl


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All in all, a fruitful week for Roses & Raspberries in North County.
A one-petal rose — the Punk'd Rock award — to Kimberly Thorner, general manager of the Olivenhain Municipal Water District, for turning what could have been a broken leg into a mere fracture of the funny bone.
Dressing up in a burqa and pretending to interview for a job in her own office, yes, Thorner was pushing the envelope of cultural manners. What might work as the premise of a "Saturday Night Live" sketch doesn't work in a public workplace where practical jokes with an ethnic edge quickly become impractical. (No stereotypical sombreros at festive margarita parties.)
Thanks to Thorner's contrite reaction, however, the 5-year-old photograph of Thorner in a burqa, traditional attire of some Muslim women, surrounded by grinning staffers doesn't come off as a mean-spirited smear of a religion. It was just jackass stupid.
Most important, she did not come off as defensive when she pointed out a silver lining to her misbegotten costume.
While hidden inside the burqa, Thorner became aware, she said, of the different reactions she received in the reception room. She used the eye-opening experience to later talk about treating all applicants equally, she said.
Her punk of a colleague was on the edge. Humor often is. But against all odds, Thorner comes out of this goofy expose if not a net winner at least a public official who should not feel compelled to hide her face in shame.
In this day and age of cultural correctness, that's a positive result.
A raspberry — the Defunct Democracy award — to all the potential candidates in San Marcos, Del Mar and Solana Beach who decided that running for office was just not worth the trouble.
Commentary: More Logan Jenkins columns about our region
On the bright side, the three cities can congratulate themselves for saving a few bucks by appointing candidates who are running without opposition. No need to send citizens to the polls.
But what this means is that there's no debate, no yin and yang, regarding civic policy.
Does voter apathy translate to candidate apathy? In these cities, the answer appears to be yes.
No swearing on the stump, just polite swearing in.
Maybe that's a sort of dissent-free utopia, but it just doesn't feel like America.
A tiny raspberry — the Parasol Profiler award — to the vigilant caller who alerted police that a man with a shaved head (Strike 1), black shirt (Strike 2) carrying a long case slung over his shoulder (Strike 3) was on the prowl at Cal State San Marcos.
Acting with an abundance of caution, as they must when called out, sheriff's deputies set up a perimeter and searched the campus for the suspected shooter, finally hunting down a university employee who'd brought to school one of those long cylindrical gadgets that over the centuries have proved useful to open when it rains, as it was that day.
Sure, there might have been a gun in the case. And there might be a bomb in every briefcase. It's the world we live in that imaginations can run so wild over so little.
A raspberry — the Reverse Engines award — to Oceanside for buying into the trendy planning strategy of back-in diagonal parking places on a remodeled stretch of Mission Avenue.
Even with rearview cameras, which many vehicles do not have, this maneuver will cause massive heartburn among drivers who already struggle with the traditional variants of urban parking. (What's next? Mandatory back-in stalls in parking garages?)
Look, I'm not a complete motoring Luddite. Roundabouts, for example, are, once understood, God's gift to all drivers, including beginners. They're intuitive and inherently efficient.
What's more, I can see the advantage of back-in diagonal spaces for bicycle safety.
As it is, some oddly wired drivers go against the grain and back into front-in diagonal spots. But back-in diagonal parking requires finesse that many North County drivers lack. The experiment was tried on Highway 101 and got lousy reviews from merchants. I suspect O'side's experience will be similar.
(760) 529-4917


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We're back again with our current giveaways on Beauty Info Zone as well as to share some that our blogger friends have going on. Everyone loves to win and this is a perfect time since you might just win something that could be a gift.
Beauty Info Zone has three giveaways active at the moment with quite a few more up our sleeves in the next 6 weeks.
1) Oscar de la Renta scarf – this is from Look Good Feel Better and the giveaway is open internationally but just through Nov. 14th
2) Shopbop $100 gift certificate giveaway – open in US only through 11/22/12
3) Bling Guard – read the review to find out about Bling Guards and Bling Dots and enter to win. US only.
4) On Thursday 11/15 we have a very limited Youngblood giveaway for a foundation. After you read the review check to see if this shade would work for you and enter.
Two winners for Aveeno Nourish+Strengthen Shampoo and Conditioner:
Vicki W. and Leslie K. Congratulations!! Vicki and Leslie please email me with your name and address to [email protected] by 11/17/12 so I can send your information to Aveeno.
New winners were chosen since we had no response on this original post. New winners are Cathy T and Liz. Please email us at [email protected] by 11/24/12
Two winners for the Aveeno Oatmeal Bundle: Congratulations to Elisabeth G. and Elizabeth P. Please also email me at [email protected] with your mailing information by 11/17/12. RECEIVED EMAILS!
Once I verify that I have the right winners I'll send Aveeno your addresses ladies.
The FabZilla has an anniversary giveaway with lots of fun prizes.
Phyrra has a wonderful Too Faced giveaway that would be amazing to win.
Pink Sith has introduced us to Lise Watier and has a giveaway for a terrific product from them.
Making Up the MW has some of the new WetnWild palettes in her giveaway.
The PolishAholic has a beautiful iPhone case along with polishes to do a matching manicure.
Mama Fashionista has a giveaway for all of you with youngsters in your life. If you love Melissa & Doug you'll see two ways to win.
Love for Lacquer is celebrating a birthday with this great giveaway.
In Tru Beauty has some Mahya cosmetics in her giveaway.
Stephanie Louise has Pureology hair products for a lucky winner.
Pammy Blogs Beauty is giving away some Emani Cosmetics.
Lipgloss Break and Faith Hill fragrance have a giveaway going on.
Beauty by Miss L has some jewelry for a lucky winner.
Clumps of Mascara wants someone to win a $50 CVS gift card!!
A Diva's Prerogative is giving away a 4Naturals gift pack.
Beauty Tidbits has a fabulous Spa Indulgence gift set from Champneys.
My Beauty Bunny has the chance for someone to win $200.
Moxie Reviews has a g.c. giveaway for our favorite Mont Bleu.
Wow, this should keep you busy for a long time. I haven't checked the dates of any of these so I'd enter these sooner than later. If you are a winner, please let us know. — Marcia


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A sign of the time
You may have already seen it, or read about it in Janet Hammerman's Guest View ["A sign we must act now to save Japanese Gulch," The Beacon, May 29], but a "for sale" sign has been posted by the entrance to the Mukilteo Community Garden advertising that there are about 98 acres of the gulch available for commercial development.
With the recent appearance of that sign, it looks like the trust that owns the land is getting serious about selling it – and as soon as possible.
Though the Japanese Gulch Group does not know why the sign was put up, we do know that the Metropolitan Creditors Trust is getting anxious about getting this land off of its books.
This means that it is the perfect time for the city of Mukilteo to step up and to finish negotiations to purchase the land.
With funds for land acquisition coming from Snohomish County and maybe more coming in the from the state – adding up to about half the estimated $6.3 million price tag – what needs to happen now is for Mukilteo to help out by contributing to this once-in-a-lifetime purchase.
For the last two weeks, the Japanese Gulch Group has had a booth at the Mukilteo Farmers Market, where we have been meeting many of you and telling you about the wonderful trails and views of the Japanese Gulch.
If you haven't been through the gulch yet, you should check it out. The weather is beautiful and, without clear-cut support from the city, there is a chance that the forest might be gone in the next few years.
Trailheads to the two city-owned portions of the gulch (often referred to as upper and lower gulch) can be found on 5th Street.
Want to hike, run or bike a 3-mile loop? Look for the Tails and Trails Mukilteo Dog Park at 1130 5th St. – the trails to the upper gulch are also accessed there.
You can park at the dog park and explore the gulch with your furry friend, your bike or just on your own two feet.
Or, if you'd rather go on a shorter walk, there is also a 3/4-mile trail in the lower gulch, which can be accessed off of the north side of 5th Street or again at 1201 Mukilteo Lane.
The lower gulch is where you can see the Japanese Gulch Creek and the fish ladder, which was installed by the city to help salmon return to the waters.
The city already owns about 50 acres of Japanese Gulch – just imagine how wonderful it will be when Mukilteo owns all 140 acres to be explored without the worry of trespassing.
Want to get involved? Visit our website at www.japanesegulch.org and see how!
If you love the trails and want to make sure that they stay in great condition, come out and help the Trails Committee work on them!
The committee usually meets the first Sunday of every month, but since the next work party falls on the Forth of July weekend, volunteers will instead be meeting June 30 at 1 p.m. at the dog park.
The Japanese Gulch will again be at the Farmers Market from 3-7 p.m. on Wednesday, June 19, held at Lighthouse Park, to answer any questions that you might have and to get you signed up for our newsletter.
Or you can also just email me to get on the list at firstname.lastname@example.com, but we'd still love it if you stopped by to say Hi and meet some of our awesome board members!
Also, the Save the Gulch Political Action Committee is up and running and will be looking to endorse candidates in the upcoming election. If you would like to join the PAC, or if you are a candidate looking for an endorsement, or just want more information on the PAC, visit www.savethegulch.com.
It cannot be stressed enough how rare an opportunity it is to be able to conserve and protect almost 100 acres in an urban community like Mukilteo. Saving the gulch will protect habitat for wildlife, such as the pileated woodpecker, which, by the way, just had babies! See pictures on our website.
We'd love to see your pictures of the gulch and the wildlife that you find as you explore the trails.
Let's not be the generation of Mukilteans that could have purchased this property, and instead let it slip through our fingers.
Just think: In 100 years, Japanese Gulch could be the Central Park of the West Coast, a grand 140-acre park that people come from all around the world to enjoy, for its hiking trails, tall trees, native plants and wildlife, benches, picnic areas and viewpoints of the Puget Sound.
Can't you see it? Won't you get on board today and help us save it?
Paige DeChambeau is the director of the Japanese Gulch Group, whose mission is to purchase the Japanese Gulch property and save it from development so that it can be turned into a park. For more information, go to www.japanesegulch.org.


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Despite criticism from the U.S. Catholic bishops, the Catholic Health Association (CHA) has issued a statement saying it continues to support the insurance reform provisions in recent health care legislation and continues to "applaud" President Obama for his "strong leadership."
The statement comes even though the U.S. bishops' opposed the bill. Three leading bishops have said the divergence between the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) and groups like the CHA have caused "confusion and a wound to Catholic unity."
In a Tuesday statement, the CHA said President Obama's June 22 remarks show he is "once again keeping national focus on the importance of implementing vital reform measures designed to protect the health and well being of millions of vulnerable people in this country."
The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, according to the CHA, will soon "stop insurance companies from prohibiting coverage for pre-existing conditions and end lifetime limits of coverage and other abuses such as arbitrary rescissions."
The organization said it was "confident" that the act will provide both access to more affordable insurance and a greater sense of security to 32 million Americans who lack these protections.
"We continue to applaud the President for his strong leadership in this important area."
The CHA supported the bill even though the U.S. Catholic bishops opposed the health care legislation for reasons including concerns about its restrictions on abortion funding. For lending her support, CHA's president, Sr. Carol Keehan, received one of the 21 pens the president used to sign the legislation into law.
In a May 21 statement titled "Setting the Record Straight," three heads of USCCB committees disagreed that the divergence between the Catholic Conference and other Catholic organizations, including the CHA, represented "merely a difference of analysis or strategy."
"Rather, for whatever good will was intended, it represented a fundamental disagreement, not just with our staff as some maintain, but with the bishops themselves. As such it has resulted in confusion and a wound to Catholic unity," the bishops said.
The disagreement was brought to the surface again by a June 16 CNA story that reported comments Cardinal George made on the rift at a recent U.S. bishops meeting. The remarks were recounted to CNA by several bishops who were in attendance at the meeting. The accuracy of the article was called into question by an employee of the USCCB, causing CNA's executive director Alejandro Bermudez to insist that the agency stands by its story and supports the release of the audio recording from the bishops' meeting.


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New Sigma 35mm f/1.4 keeps receiving lot of appraisals!
The new Sigma 35mm f/1.4 lens keeps surprising the reviewers:
DSLRmagaizne (translation here) tested the lens on a Canon and writes that it has a "superb optical performance".
Lenstip also tested the lens: "The Sigma has the best results of all 1.4/35 lenses, tested by us so far in the categories of resolution, distortion, chromatic aberration and coma correction. "
This may be one of the nicest new lenses you can get for the A-mount system. And soon we hope to see that new Zeiss 50mm f/1.4 too :)
Sigma A-mount 35mm f/1.4 lens preorders at Amazon (Click here), Adorama (Click here) and BHphoto (click here).


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NEW YORK Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week starts tomorrow, and with the third installation of the biannual shows at the Lincoln Center tents come a number of new developments. For the first anniversary of the move uptown, the official site itself is getting an update, the facade changing from the travertine-patterned vinyl that debuted last September to a sleeker, more polished look that will also allow for the integration of digital multimedia, and the lobby modified to better accommodate sponsor displays and traffic flow.
"We decided to evolve the design this season as we continually make improvements to the facility. We're excited about the new, more modern look of the facade, which juxtaposes itself against the more traditional architecture of Lincoln Center, as well as the flexibility it will provide over the next couple of seasons to explore digital integration and other technology driven enhancements," said Peter Levy, senior managing director of IMG Fashion Worldwide, in a press release.
In terms of the designers and their shows, IMG is also planning some digital ventures that will expand the online presence of Fashion Week. The organization is introducing a lookbook microsite in collaboration with technology company Stylesight that will allow press and buyers to browse designer collections, and is extending its partnership with YouTube and Maybelline by adding a mobile feature that will enable users to access more than 30 runway presentations being live-streamed to the video hub.
Outside the tents there's plenty of action, although the arrival of Hurricane Irene last month delayed preparations and caused some rescheduling. Most notable was the change by Marc Jacobs, who was planning to present his eponymous line on the evening of September 12. The designer will now show at the 69th Regiment Armory on September 15 and move the Marc by Marc Jacobs collection into the original time slot. To avoid a conflict with Jacobs, Bill Blass bumped up the timing of its show at the Union League Club, from 5 p.m. on September 15 to 12.30 p.m. the same day. The tropical storm also posed problems for Theyskens' Theory, which shifted its event at Center548 from September 12 at 12 p.m. to September 13 at 4 p.m.
More designers are participating in other Fashion Week events—each supported by an impressive slate of sponsors—including the three-day Style360 series, which will take over the Metropolitan Pavilion from September 11 to 13; MAC Cosmetics and Milk Studio's incubator, now known as Made, Presented by MAC; and Gen Art's Fresh Faces in Fashion Presented by Smart Car. The last, a one-night affair open to consumers and the industry that will take place on Friday (September 9) at the grand ballroom of Manhattan Center Studios, marks the organization's first fashion-related event since relaunching under new ownership earlier this year.
"We knew this was the event that we wanted to kick off our fashion programming under Sandow Media. Fresh Faces in Fashion was incredibly successful historically and is still relevant and makes sense within the current marketplace," said Elizabeth Shaffer, Gen Art's co-president. The lead partner for the show, which will present lines from seven emerging fashion designers and four up-and-coming accessories designers, is Mercedes-Benz sister company Smart Car. "Smart Car is the first official automotive partner for Gen Art since our relaunch and, after spending a lot of time with the brand team and understanding what their core objectives are, we think it's the right fit for both sides. We feel that Smart Car really speaks to the future of the automotive industry and it's a brand that resonates with our consumer audience. It's a really organic partnership because both Smart and the Fresh Faces in Fashion program support originality."


text: PlanetOut.com has winnowed down its almost 200 submissions to come up with 25 finalists for its Short Movie Awards. The categories are animation, comedy, documentary, drama, and experimental. Audience votes will be tallied through the month of June, and the winners of the $15,000 cash prize will be announced at next months Outfest in Los Angeles. So grab your snacks, sit back, and log on to the online queer film festival at www.PlanetOut.com.


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Canada's bio-economy is anchored on grain ethanol production, but more needs to be done to move the industry forward.
W. Scott Thurlow, president of the Canadian Renewable Fuels Association, said the government should increase the renewable fuel content standard for diesel to two from five percent.
"One reason we're pushing for five percent renewable diesel is that we already have sufficient domestic capacity to reach two percent," he told the recent Growing the Margins conference.
Thurlow would also like more support for advanced biofuel, including cellulosic ethanol.
"Unless we can find a way to monetize carbon, that product is going to lag behind in Canada and be drawn to the U.S. where there's a very rich blenders' tax credit."
Thurlow said the United States now exports one billion litres of ethanol a year to Canada. Canadian production stands at 1.8 billion litres.
There's also a need for greater consumer choice, said Thurlow, who argued consumers should be allowed to drive demand to a greater extent
"In Iowa, there are pumps where with dials you can choose from E-10 to E-85 and as you turn up the dial the price goes down. We don't have those pumps in Canada," he said.
"We believe there should be a growing market for biofuels. Consumers should have choice."
Sean McKay, executive director of Composites Innovation Centre (CIC) in Winnipeg, said increased government involvement is also important to the emerging bio-material industry.
He said Manitoba has a wealth of raw fibres, mainly hemp and flax.
As well, significant investment has been made in research and development for products as varied as vehicle paneling, furniture, building materials and snowboards.
Support is also needed to enable start-up companies to successfully commercialize their operations, he added.
For example, hemp fibre quality needs to be improved while maintaining grain yield. Options include breeding for taller varieties and improving harvest techniques and equipment to optimize fibre quality.
McKay said it's also difficult for companies to move from research and development to commercialization.
For examples, farmers may be reluctant to supply fibre to a start-up business unless they are guaranteed payment for delivery.
Financial incentives are one way companies can be supported, he said. Another is to help with the product certification process.
McKay said it can take 18 months to two years to certify new products in Canada.
FibreCity — the Prairie Agriculture Fibre Characterization Industrial Technology Capability initiative, has also been beneficial, he said.
Located within CIC's new facility in Winnipeg, FibreCity is providing research support in plant breeding, processing and, fibre analysis and more.
McKay said fibre analysis is important to deliver products that consistently meet quality standards.
He hoped that FibreCity, which receives federal funding, will become a viable standalone business unit within CIC this year.


text:
Career Services
Library/Learning Resource Center
Room LC 131
(440) 366-4076
2017 Internship Fair Wednesday October 11th. Call our front desk for more information.
Monday - Friday: 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Everything you do in college, from choosing classes, to writing papers, taking tests and more is really preparation for your career. LCCC's Career Services can help you to identify the career that best fits your goals and interests – and when you are near graduation, we are here to prepare you for your job search to help you land your dream job.
Choosing a Career or Major
Choosing a major is a tough decision. With so many factors to consider, it can be a challenge to decide now what you want to do with the rest of your life. Our Career experts can provide you with the tools to make the best choice in your college major.
Discover more about our career planning services.
Getting Experience
You've settled on a major, you're pursuing your education and you have a plan. That plan should include work experience while you're in college. We have options that will help you gain valuable work experience while you're working on your degree or certificate. Consider replacing or supplementing your current income with a paid internship for college students. Let us help you to get started with your college internship and real world experience.
Explore opportunities for Paid Internships.
Finding a Job
The great jobs are out there, so let us help you find them. We can help you prepare for and find a great job, but it takes lots of work and planning. We can help you through the process. Whether you are a student, graduate or member of the community, we are here to help you find a great job.
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Our career experts are available to help you identify your career path, prepare you for job search, and help you land the job that's right for you.
Call today at (440) 366-4076 or email firstname.lastname@example.com to make an appointment so we can get to work making your dreams come true.


text:
Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson
Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson (8 December 1832 – 26 April 1910 / Kvikne)
» Click to list general statistics » OR, select a date :
Rallying Song For Freedom In The North To
Dishonored by the higher, but loved by all the low,-
Say, is it not the pathway that the new has to go?
read more >>
- Hits: Number of visitors who read the poem on the given date.
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text:
Arlington County Police said a stolen car ended up in a creek early Tuesday morning.
Officers spotted the vehicle driving near I-395 and King Street at about 1 a.m., according to Det. Crystal Nosal, Public Information Officer with Arlington County Police.
Officers followed the car to Arlington Mill Drive in Arlington County, where it crashed in the water a few minutes later.
When police arrived at the scene, no one was inside the car.
Police are looking for two men but said they do not have a good description of them.
Investigators said the car was stolen in Prince George's County.
Published at 10:08 AM EDT on May 17, 2011


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Well, first post, hi all. I'm well into an ARP Omni 2 repair, funny I see the other 2 most recent posts in this help forum are ARP Omni questions - I'm seeing a trend and these Omni's are indeed living up to their reputation...
Anyway. I've fully re-capped the synth, all keys work, string section works, phaser/chorus works and up until I swapped the synth control IC's, the synth section worked... the 8' and 4' switches were rarely working so I thought it could be the 4013 flip-flop IC's, I swapped them with new 4013's, then realized it was just the switches themselves through some switch trading.
Now, the synth section has no output. I'm afraid something was shorted or a PCB trace was broken, etc during my "repair". I do have a scope and I've tried to trace the synth signal to see where it's stopped, and I'm a bit stumped:
The 4' and 8' waveforms come into the synth board as they should, on pin 16 and pin 2 respectively of J12 (referencing the schematic: http://bit.ly/1hgS1rt), and they go away when I switch the 8' and 4' synth buttons to OFF (LED goes out too). They do appear as I trace the signal to the input of the VCF (pin 1 of M1), although with a significant decrease in the signal there, and a very very low (no?) signal at the VCF output.
What should I be seeing at the input and output of the VCF? Or better yet, where along the whole circuit should I look for signal to narrow this down? Or does my description alone suggest a certain component failure to anyone?
The bass section is also a bit funky, but that's an issue for another day... I don't believe it's affecting my current problem since the synth section worked previously and the bass section has always had the same issue.
Thanks for any advice!!


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He never wanted to talk about the A, would agree to go to MC, then say he didn't want to talk about the A...that there were other things wrong in our marriage and that the A is now the main focus when according to him there was so much wrong all along. Of course this was all news to me. I know it's all blame-shifting, justification, denial...etc.
When the fog started to lift and he seemed really really down about everything, he came back to us for a short time and mumbled some I'm sorries and once he muttered under his breath, "we are going to work this out, right?" But he still didn't want to talk about the A...or the OW...or my feelings...or anything really. He would only come by to mope and show me how destroyed he was...and like an idiot I picked him up and focused on him...oh he must really be sick I thought. Sick with grief or shame or guilt.
But a few weeks ago he showed up on my doorstep drunk after promising he would be home with me and the baby that night. It was the night after DS's 4 month shots. I waited for him all night and when he showed up at midnight...I chased him out of the house....told him to go call his trashhole. He probably did...don't really know or care. I was so livid that night, I just saw red and all my anger came out. I said how dare you let my son down...after all of the effort you put into the OW, calling and texting her while I was pregnant and in the hospital giving birth. It felt good to chase him out, but that was the last I saw of the little bit of remorse (if there ever was any) from WS.
Anyway, after that night he has treated me like public enemy #1. No more empty apologies and no more family time when he comes to drop off the baby. After a couple of weeks of the fake civil facade, I just confronted him about it. He said that "the other night was the last straw" and that he wasn't going to subject himself to my behavior anymore. I reminded him that my behavior was a reaction to his behavior. And even though he deserved it, I wasn't proud of my actions when I was angry.
Anyway...after a disastrous July 4th where he insisted on us going to fireworks together even though he was scared of me...he then acted cold and distant during the whole thing. This reminded me of how cold and distant he was during his A. I called him on it the next and that is when he said he has a perfect picture of how his 4th of july was going to go, but I ruined it by not being ready on time.
This coming from the person who atomic bomb destroyed our lives.
Anyway, after that I decided I didn't want him coming in the house anymore when he dropped off the baby. No more coming to the house for any reason at all. If he needed something, I told him I would clear out. If we need to communicate, no texting/calling...only email. I did this more for myself. We communicate our real feelings via text because he sees any verbal confrontation as a "fight" just as long as you are saying anything he doesn't want to hear.
Anyway..... I found an apartment...I figure my own place will be a good start toward D. But when I tried to contact my current landlord I had a panic attack. It felt so final. So real. I texted him asking him, again, if this is what he wanted. Why haven't I learned my lesson??????
He hasn't lived with us for 4 months..the baby is only 4 1/2 months old. He hasn't lived with his own son for longer than a few days. but somehow I believed that if he only knew...that this would be his last shot...that maybe then he'd wake up. What's wrong with me???? It obviously didn't go well.....he started up again with how miserable he was for years....etc.
I realize that I have to detach. How can I detach? Please help. I'm trying to do everything all at once. I wish I could move, get a D, and be detached from him all in like a week.
How did you get through the panic and the sadness and start to actually detach from your WS? I realize that it doesn't matter where I go or what I do..I'm doomed if I don't start detaching from him.
How did you do it? How did you stop your impulses when you wanted to contact the person?
I sat there telling him how sorry he was going to be one day. How he is his own worst enemy...how he hurt me and the baby...and I know it's all falling on deaf ears. I also know that while I'm telling him that he is his own worst enemy I am being MY own worst enemy. It's like I'm addicted to crack and he is the crack and I keep going to get my fix and he keeps kicking me in the face.
I've read codependent no more, am going to an IC, and can certainly talk the talk about what I need to do to move on here (I have spent the last 4 months on this site after all).
I just need major help putting my money where my mouth is. I only lasted with the email only thing for 4 days. I texted him today...about my feelings...again...for the millionth time....GAH!!!
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:18 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
The only advice I can give on contact/texting is that I realized every time I did talk to him in any way, I somehow got hurt again. I either got hurt because he treated me like poo or said something permanently scarring and hideous... Or I got hurt because I was violating my own interests and actively tearing down my self-esteem by exposing myself to him any further. I didn't need to be my worst enemy. My enemy(him) was already doing enough. Remember also that what he is doing is abusive. His emotional abandonment and cruelty and silence is all abuse. Don't let yourself be abused.
Journal. Once you get it out of your head you can let some piece of it go. Cry. Really go for it. You WILL feel better letting it all out. It will be a temporary "better"... But you will feel relief.
And be kind to yourself. Let your body and heart set the pace for now. I can tell you that even though I think I might be the world record holder for 180/NC the pain you describe is still what I feel on an almost daily basis (and we are on a similar DDay time table). So know that NC actually isn't a magic bullet. You'll be in agony whether you talk to him or you don't talk to him. Your strategy for survival ends up being the same.
The only difference I can see is that by NC I shut off the valve for more exposure to abuse... Whether it was verbal (ILYBNILWY...) or emotional (silent treatment, etc). He gave me quite enough through what he said in the initial aftermath and through his subsequent actions and inactions. I get the "what ifs" a lot... But then I think about how messed up he is right now (and yours sounds like a holy mess, too) and then I just view him as pretty weak and pathetic... So why stoop to his level?
And, finally, I don't know if this is good advice... But I realized at some point that he's so screwed up that if I keep trying to talk to him, and he keeps spewing his venom or not answering, etc, he is just making it harder and harder for me to ever R with him, if that presents itself. If somewhere deep down in your heart you think you my still want him back, the more loving thing to do is leave him alone. Don't let him destroy the two of you any further. Right now, that's all he's doing.
[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 4:49 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Remember also that what he is doing is abusive. His emotional abandonment and cruelty and silence is all abuse. Don't let yourself be abused.
Totally! I agree and it makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. It's like some sick game that he plays and I play and I ALWAYS lose.
Why can't I remember this when the feelings overcome me? It's panic and fear and sadness and feelings of abandonment. It's not even him or missing him anymore. I missed him so much at the start of all this. Now I just don't want to be the one left behind.
Maybe I should print this out and bring this with me to the IC.
You know if he showed up on my doorstep one night with flowers and a sincere apology I'd probably drop dead from the shock. It's never happening, nor is the intense amount of work it takes to reconcile.
I need to drop this loser. I'm gorgeous. Funny. Smart. Normal.
Thank you for responding PhantomLimb...I totally agree and relate to everything you said. You sound like you're in a great place emotionally. Sometimes I'm grateful that he's made it so hard to R because he's made it easy for me to take the steps I need to move forward.
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 7:55 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Then I thought, you know what, it's okay to miss him. We've experienced the most shattering thing that I think can happen to a person and not only do we miss our partner, but we miss our security and innocence and the freedom we didn't even know we had when this wasn't a part of our daily lives. I miss his stupid face and his dumb jokes... And most of all I miss the overwhelming love I used to feel for him every second I looked at his face or every time he said something totally stupid.
So I just decided I'm going to be okay with missing him like crazy... But I'm not going to make the mistake of then thinking that I can recapture any of that by reaching out to him the way things are right now. Because in doing so I'm reaching out to the parts about him/in him that I love to fill this void I now feel-- but it's a little like sending out a radar signal and it not bouncing back that anything is out there.
I'm betting that's why I keep doing the same thing in imagining what he could say or do to "win" me back. I think it's my brain rehearsing where I'm really at... It's like a self test. I'm not even sure if it really reflects anything I truly want. Like you, I tend to like myself and think I'm normal. So I wonder if my brain is really saying "come on now... Are flowers and tears really all it's going to take for you?". Like many veterans have been pumping into my head these past weeks-- it will take many many more concrete actions for me to feel secure about opening myself up to him again. Because deep down we know we can do this (life) without them if we need to... Or, more specifically, without the drama and craziness they have brought into our lives. It just sucks that they are making us!
Anyway, that's what I'm telling myself. And I would have never gotten here without the support of friends who from the get go demanded that I not settle, that I not let myself be abused, that I stop letting myself be a source of connection between the two of them and, when he started getting verbally abusive, a dumping ground for all of his issues... Because they are his. Let him stand on his own two feet and face the choices he's made without his convenient scapegoat (us).
Again, this may be crap advice, but I'll tell you one thing that I did in our final convo when he told me he couldn't work on R and so I demanded full NC: he kept trying to pick a few fights with the ILYBNILWY stuff and telling me that I had "lost" him before he ever met her, etc. I think he was being mean and saying that stuff because, if he got another rise out of me, he could say "see, she couldn't face her role in why our relationship was bad" or whatever else to make his walking away justified/easier. I just kept my cool and told him that I was hearing him and that I totally believed that everything he was saying either had some kernel of truth in it or, at least, he believed it to be true. But that I wasn't, at this point, going to engage it. Again, not because I was dismissing him, but because -- especially if I already "lost" him and he's about to leave me -- we were way past the point when talking about it would have been healing or helpful for either of us. After I told him I wanted NC I told him that he was the love of my life, that he made me extremely happy all of these years, and that I would miss him and my heart would break without him every single moment... But that, if this was where he is at, it was time for me to learn to live without him and stand on my own. And that was it. I ended the convo right there. I wanted that to be his last memory of me and our relationship. Because it really was how I felt.
My IC says it was a very loving thing to do.... And also probably pretty brutal from his POV. If we end it through a slow bleed of kibble and fighting, maybe that just empowers them to move on with some confirmation that we're as messed up as they are. I wanted to end it with him knowing exactly what he was leaving behind: someone who loved him by choice because he had to that point always earned it. And now he was no longer deserving.
according to him there was so much wrong all along. Of course this was all news to me. I know it's all blame-shifting, justification, denial...etc
My stbx said the same thing and I wondered about what signs I missed. I had NO idea it was bad all along. He told whore that it was bad during our whole 8 years of marriage!
Others here recommend "The Journey From Abandonment to Healing" but I have not read that one.
(((NewMOM0220))) You really don't want to be able to detach as your STBXWH did. That would mean you have no soul. Believe me that things will get so much better and you'll be happy you're an empathetic being with feelings!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
In my case, he had no remorse and wanted a quick divorce. He is now living with OW. I also called and texted frequently venting at him through tears and anger. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. It never did anything, but allow him to hurt me more. We had a huge blowout on Mother's Day where he really got cruel with me. He told me he never loved me, never wanted to marry and wanted to leave me years ago.
I realized right then that I was truly done and went NC for real (I had tried before). Since then, we have no communication other than the house, finances, divorce or kids. Trust me, I still want to vent at him, but I just do it in my head now. Things have been much more peaceful co-parenting, etc. with him. The only annoying thing though is that he thinks my lack of lashing out means that I'm okay with everything now. Whatever, I just let his dumbass think that.
My point in all of this is that you will get there. We all have a breaking point where we refuse to take anymore. I think you're getting closer to that point. You and I will both do much better in life than these losers we pro-created with.
I'm still a long way from being healed, but I know that I'm on the right path. I do expect some setbacks though when I get back into town (I'm away for the summer) and the kids will have to stay with him and the whore. She hasn't met the kids yet. It's going to take a lot to restrain myself!
I do still get sad from time to time. I guess I just allow myself to feel sad, because it is. I think I also just try and focus on the future. I know that I will one day be at peace with all of this. I also know that I live in truth while he has created a web of lies. I know that I will be better off than him in life.
I'm sorry for all of your hard times and am living some of them, too.
Today I smile because I am going on six months pregnant and though all alone, when the baby kicks, I can feel not alone.
STBXH here has not been "at home" for any bit of the pregnancy and the agony he causes is now a sign that it's better that way, though the grief is consuming at times.
Still I am learning a lot, but what I do know and I hope will help at all, is that I had more than just a person to detach from. Several IC's and several priests agreed with this idea, that there is an entire life I thought was going to happen and dreamed of and it's cancelled, ruined, no longer cared for by anyone but me.
So part of my grief and maybe part of all of yours, as fellow BS's, is that we have a "lifestyle" to mourn as well as the loss of the primary person in our lives.
Whether we are INdependent or COdependent, in my mind a spouse (and children) are major or primary players in the theater that is our lives, and the acts up to this juncture, have a curtain drawn and are closed to (many of) us.
I find sometimes that imagery is useful and can take my mind off the really hard parts or people and have always felt like life is kind of like a play, or a theater, where the characters we have daily contact with are always changing.
Marriage and family is another section of the play, or a retake sometimes and it's not to lessen the idea or feelings, just make them dealable. I get tired of "life is an open book and here is a new chapter."
So anyway, detaching is about the hardest part for me, too, even though I am out of the fog that he helped put me in.
Yes, the posts that talk about remembering the hurt WH caused are truly spoken from experience. That's about the only thing that has helped me, with a few other small things. I picture he and OW heckling me and laughing at my ruined life and expense and maybe a dart board is there with my picture. It's more imagery but helps a lot keep my texting down.
Also, he ignores most of what I say, so that helps, too.
A lesson I've learned also, is that the less you contact, the more important it becomes when or if you do contact your WH. I know "mine" doesn't take me seriously at all anyway, so all of this is a mix that helps.
And a crisis line worker late one night had a point that stuck in my head. The man said to me, "ask yourself what you really are hoping to get out of any contact, first. When you feel the whim come, or something needs to be done with your hands, do something else."
SO I come on SI more than I should, but then I can type away and "work" on things, but it has saved me hours and hours of contact and more hurt.
I will close my endless letter with talking about babies and wish you well in your own recovery. You sound strong, New Mom, only 4.5 months from giving birth and being back at work and supporting your tiny new little boy. Don't discount that when you are down and maybe think of all of your feats that are behind you now.
You have more strength in me with your ability to kick him out. I only managed to do it once and it was Mama Bear, when he was emotionally abusive to our daughter and it wasn't the first time. I find when it's in regard to "our" children, I have more strength against him than for myself. I'm proud of you for that even though we don't know each other, but as mom to mom, bravo!
I think of where we live as a safe haven that I can provide us, even when DD gets mad at me for "rules". I am made fun of and complained about for "too many rules", but look what we get when there aren't any? You did the same as I do and are protecting your little boy from harm and I commend that.
I think your WH is gaslighting and other things, one term called "boomerang" when they go back and forth between women or a place to live.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
This worked with XWH#1. When he decided to have his final EA with an 18yr old, I had already detached myself enough to kick him to the curb. He never thought I would or could D him. I gave him the single life he wanted to portray and never looked back and have never regretted it for one second. I finally realized I couldn't change him and I deserved so much better. Unfortuntely I stepped out of the frying pan into an oven with WH#2. I thought I had found the perfect guy, totally opposite of my ex. In truth he is just as bad, maybe worse. At least with XWH#1 I knew he was an ass because most of the time he showed his true colors. WH#2 is Mr. Nice and loving, so I never had a clue he was having a LTA. He has never said ILYBINILWY and has always said even on DDay that he loved me. It's just the aftermath that proves otherwise. He loves me in his own way, whatever that is for him, but not the love that I want and thought I had with him.
The best thing I can suggest is to make a list of all the things he has done to you. Then when you feel like texting or calling him, look at the list and remind yourself of the person he really is. Tell yourself you deserve better than that in a marriage and that your children deserve better than that as a family. NC is the key to ultimately detaching and getting to the final phase of indifference. Now when someone mentions my XWH#1 all I feel is pity and relief that I finally freed myself from his broken self. It is hard, but you can do it!!! (((HUGS)))
For those of you further down the road, did you go through this? I've had one or two days in the last couple of months when I've gone without crying... but usually I at least have some chest pains or something!
But this isn't to say I'm actually content with this feeling. If this is what detachment feels like, it kinda stinks.
I hate that he is making me not love him anymore.
You sound strong, New Mom, only 4.5 months from giving birth and being back at work and supporting your tiny new little boy. Don't discount that when you are down and maybe think of all of your feats that are behind you now.
I've had one or two days in the last couple of months when I've gone without crying... but usually I at least have some chest pains or something!
My problem is that I know this, yet all day today I still made up scenarios in my mind where maybe next time I see him I should...fill in the blank...ask him to stay and eat dinner, ask him to go with me and DS to the park, ask him to come back home (just for a week...like a trial basis). WTF is wrong with me?
I've always made excuses for him. It's true that when we used to fight, I would shut him down. I'm the queen of having to have the last word. I also used to say, "if you don't like it, you can leave." Now that I can look back to our relationship, I wish I would have taken his feelings into account more. I feel like the way he is treating me now is a huge payback for just about anything I did wrong in the past. That is not to say he didn't do stuff too...and my nagging/arguing/fighting was usually in response to his behavior.
Anyway...I won't be asking him to do anything or texting/calling/making up reasons for us to be together anymore.
I just can't help but wonder if I hadn't blown up at him or had stopped obsessing about the OW or really 180'd him instead of sharing all of my feelings with him every time a thought came into my head. I think for me doing all of these things was another way for me to get closure since he never wanted to talk about the A, the OW, or the hows and whys of what he did.
So in my head I know that everything I just wrote above is utter BS and all of it is a result of his infidelity, lies, betrayal, etc...but in my heart I still feel that tug that says, don't let go...don't let go...maybe if you do this...maybe if you do that....
Stupid heart! Why can't my heart just STFU?
Anyway...I'm learning a lot about myself through all of this. He should be the one in IC and it turns out that I'm the one who probably needs it more than him.
Hopefully this time next month I'll be in a better place. I think I'll start a new thread about 180. Hopefully those of us who need it can keep it updated and stay connected to each other.
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 3:20 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


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Detail Information
- Olfactory aversion: notes on procedure, with speculations on its mechanism of effectD R Laws
South Island Consulting, P O Box 23036, 4 313 Cook Street, Victoria, British Columbia V8V 4Z8, Canada
Sex Abuse 13:275-87. 2001..However, a conditioning explanation is probably too simple. Several examples of cognitive mediation in conditioning procedures are presented and discussed...
- A brief history of behavioral and cognitive behavioral approaches to sexual offenders: Part 1. Early developmentsD R Laws
South Island Consulting, PO Box 23036, 4 313 Cook Street, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada V8V 4Z8
Sex Abuse 15:75-92. 2003....
- A brief history of behavioral and cognitive behavioral approaches to sexual offender treatment: Part 2. The modern eraW L Marshall
Rockwood Psychological Services, Suite 403, 303 Bagot Street, Kingston, Ontario, Canada K7K 5W7
Sex Abuse 15:93-120. 2003..This paper is the second in our attempt to highlight the major influences, trends, and emerging issues in cognitive behavioral approaches to treating sexual offenders. In this paper the developments from 1970 until the present are covered...


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Here's another kickass video of the signing at BBC
The deal was signed in Doha, Qatar, by Abbas and Hamas leader Khaled Meshaal, who said last month he plans to step down from his post.
"The Palestinian reconciliation is no longer a Palestinian interest but also an Arab interest," Abbas said.
"Both parties are serious in moving forward to fold the page of strife between both parties and to strengthen the Palestinian national unity government," according to Meshaal.
We knew this was coming. Abbas waited till after the Jan 26 Quartet deadline, and then said he was consulting with Arab leaders Feb 4. Palestinians are likely moving forward with their UN bid. Netanyahu is using this as an excuse to say that the unity deal will halt Israeli/Palestinian options, but there were never any options coming from Israel.
His move was welcomed cautiously by a broad range of Palestinians who are fed up with the brutal split at the heart of their national movement. It promised to upend Israeli-Palestinian relations, with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu warning Mr. Abbas that he could have peace with Israel or unity with Hamas, but not both.
Ira Glunts points readers to the caption on the New York Times photograph of eight Palestinian men playing cards in Ramallah as news of the deal showed on a television overhead:
News of a Palestinian unity deal played for otherwise occupied viewers in Ramallah, West Bank.
You do not see the words "occupation" or "occupied" in the New York Times a whole lot, especially accompanying an article by its pro-Israel Jerusalem bureau chief, Ethan Bronner. Maybe some clever AP caption writer succeeded in sneaking this double entendre by the Times editors. My guess is that it was written unwittingly and overlooked by those responsible for putting the paper together. (The word occupied does not appear anywhere else in the article. Nor does occupation.)


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USC Football Recruiting: Why Trojans 2013 Class Is Still Better Than UCLA'sFebruary 6, 2013
In two offices in Los Angeles, the coaching staffs at USC and UCLA are hunkered down for the long haul—each laboring to sign the very best recruiting class possible. And, let's face it, if they can nab a recruit committed to their cross-town rival, that's never a bad thing.
With Kylie Fitts flip-flopping to UCLA and Eddie Vanderdoes reportedly deciding between UCLA and Notre Dame, the question begs to be asked: Is UCLA's 2013 recruiting class stronger than USC's?
It looks like the Bruins are having as good a day as USC's is disappointing. ESPN 150 quarterback Asiantii Woulard, the No. 1-rated dual-threat QB in the country, and ESPN 150 linebacker Isaac Savaiinaea from Hawaii have signed with UCLA. (via ESPN Pac-12 blog)
ESPNU's national signing day broadcast just listed UCLA as the No. 1 class in the Pac-12. Of course, much of that could be due to numbers. UCLA, not being under the scholarship sanctions the Trojans face, can sign a larger class.
For comparison, USC's class is now ranked (nationally) No. 13 by Rivals and ESPN, No. 16 by Scout. UCLA's class is ranked (nationally) No. 9 by Rivals, No. 12 by ESPN and No. 4 by Scout.
Could "the Football Monopoly in Los Angeles" really officially be over? (via Aolnews.com)
Not so fast, Westwood.
USC, at the end of the day, will still land a recruiting class with a higher percentage of 4- and 5-star players than UCLA could imagine in its wildest dreams.
If Ty Isaac signs his LOI, USC's 2013 class will have five players ranked as 5-star athletes and six rated as 4-star players.
UCLA fans can sit back and feel cocky about their signing day victories. The Trojans will be back.
The Trojans have the overall No. 1 QB (No. 7 overall player) in the country, QB Max Browne, who is already enrolled and attending classes at USC. Su'a Cravens is the No. 1 ranked safety in the country and No. 12 overall player. Kenny Bigelow is the No. 1 ranked defensive tackle in the country and ranked No. 6 overall. Do you see my point?
The caliber of athletes USC has signed as the newest Trojans is why USC's recruiting class can be considered better than UCLA's.
Amy is the lead USC football writer for B/R. Follow her on Twitter at @GridironGoddess