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tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:/feed Gavin Andresen 2017-08-02T11:06:13-07:00 Gavin Andresen http://gavinandresen.ninja email@example.com Svbtle.com tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/keeping-it-simple 2017-08-02T11:06:13-07:00 2017-08-02T11:06:13-07:00 Keeping it simple
Let's say you're the leader of an open source implementation of Bitcoin, and you decide to follow my advice and Know Your Customer.

And you decide your customer is primarily big mining pools and businesses that just want a "full node" that runs on the network. Immediately after making that big decision, you can make your life much simpler by doing a lot less.

You can drop any code related to maintaining a wallet; big businesses and mining pools will have their own multisignature-secure wallets and will have somebody who's job it is to make sure they stay secure.

You can drop (or drastically cut back) any graphical user interface code, and can drop support for Windows and Mac. Your customers will almost certainly tell you they run Linux boxes maintained by sysadmins who aren't afraid of terminal windows.

You can drop "deterministic builds" – in fact, you can probably drop packaging entirely. Those sysadmins will probably tell you they're happy to compile themselves from source (and might tell you they always apply their own patches, anyway).

That is a lot of stuff you don't have to worry about, and you can concentrate on what your customers really want: absolutely robust (never crashes), fast, easy-to-maintain software.

Or maybe you decide your customer is other developers– you want to create a "libconsensus" that just embodies the consensus rules. That is even simpler; you can drop everything mentioned above and concentrate on building a library with a fantastic programming interface that is easy to plug in to other projects. Let your customers (or potential customers) tell you what they need, whether that's a pluggable database backend or callbacks so a wallet application can notify an end-user when certain events happen on the blockchain or excellent documentation and sample code.

Learn from other successful, long-lived open source projects. "Do one thing well". Stay focused. And don't try to be perfect, just make sure you get better over time.
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/know-your-customer 2017-04-28T07:18:19-07:00 2017-04-28T07:18:19-07:00 Know your customer
When Satoshi released the first windows-only Bitcoin binaries to the world, it had to do everything. It was a wallet and a miner and every running node was precious, because with only a handful of nodes the network was fragile.

While I was lead developer even more functionality was added– mostly developer-friendly hooks (additions to the JSON-RPC programming interface) to make it easier for people to build stuff for what was then a tiny community.

I was the only full-time Bitcoin developer for a couple of years, and I tried to write code for things I thought would have the highest impact that other people weren't already doing. Usually that was something boring but really important (like the testnet, the unit testing framework, or the regression testing framework; my last major code contribution was a performance benchmarking framework). But sometimes I had time to work on new stuff, and I always started by thinking about what was the most likely path to Bitcoin's success.

I didn't always make the right choice. Before I chose to add functionality to the wallet programming interface (the infamous "accounts" feature that everybody, including me, came to hate) I remember asking myself if I thought Bitcoin should first be used mostly be used as a store of value or a means of exchange. In hindsight, I should have spent more time working on the secure store of value problem; maybe Core would have great support for creating paper wallets and sweeping funds from them if I'd chosen differently. Maybe Instawallet wouldn't have been built… although I think it is debatable whether Instawallet was positive or negative for Bitcoin's growth (it was certainly positive until it got shut down and its users had to jump through hoops to get their BTC back).

The Bitcoin ecosystem is incredibly rich and robust these days. I can't keep track of all the development that is being done, and I'm excited to see multiple implementations of the Bitcoin protocol slowly starting to gain acceptance. It will be a long process, but moving away from One True Implementation will be very good for Bitcoin in the long run.

My advice to anybody leading an open source Bitcoin implementation project is to keep it as simple as possible and know your customer. These days there is no reason to do it all; figure out who your customer is and then build exactly what they need that they can't already get from somewhere else.

For example, if your customer is big mining pools and miners, talk to them. Find out what they're running and figure out what they need. If your software will be running on Internet-facing machines then it shouldn't be storing private keys at all – it is really bad security practice to keep private keys on the same machine that is talking to the rest of the world.

If your customer is techno-weenies who love to tinker with stuff, then distribute a Docker image with some geek-friendly (non-GUI) interface.

If I was still lead developer for Bitcoin Core… I don't know what I'd do. I don't think there would be consensus for "who is the Bitcoin Core customer" and any proposal for major changes like "get rid of the wallet code, it is a terrible idea to keep private keys protecting potentially millions of dollars on a machine that is accepting connections from the Internet" or "drop support for Windows and OSX, all the active developers are Linux geeks" would be painfully controversial.
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/ask-a-simple-question 2017-03-24T08:13:29-07:00 2017-03-24T08:13:29-07:00 Ask a simple question...
This is a conversation with Matt Corallo (Bitcoin Core contributor) that started on twitter and migrated into email:

Matt Corallo @TheBlueMatt - Mar 19
 Bitcoin Core does not want to and does not make decisions on Bitcoin's consensus rules

Gavin Andresen @gavinandresen - Mar 23
 Might a small, well-tested patch that added a default-false option to disable block-size checks be accepted by Core?

Matt Corallo
 if it a) took HF risks seriously and had protections for then and b) had community consensus to do a HF, sure!

Gavin Andresen
 I'll email you– if you really don't want to dictate consensus rules, give your users a choice!

Matt Corallo
 cool. You may also want to check out some of the HF proposals at https://bitcoinhardforkresearch.github.io

From: Gavin
 To: Matt
 Subject: Expanding an idea from Twitter…

If Core really wants to avoid taking sides in the Great Scaling Debate, why not let users simply opt-out of block size-related checks?

The idea would be "IF there is a hardfork, you can run with the -anyblocksize=true option to follow the most-work branch of the chain."

On twitter you say "if it took HF risks seriously" : it is paternalistic for you to decide risk/reward, and when you do you just make lots of people really upset.

… and "had community consensus to do a HF" : again, you are just making lots of people really upset by taking sides in the debate– who are you to judge community consensus?

I think a neutral statement from Core like "IF there is a hard fork over the block size, Core software is able to follow either branch" along with a trivial patch/option that, again, simply skips the validation checks for max base block size / max block sigops / max segwit block size if the option is set – would be a really good way of extricating the Core project from the insanity of the debate.

(I haven't looked at the code, but maintaining a 1MB max transaction size would mitigate any quadratic hashing attack-block concerns)

From: Matt

I get the paternalistic view, I really do, but that is neither the intent, nor based on reality of peoples' views. It is very much based on a misunderstanding of what roles developers are willing to play in the community. No one wants to be a decision maker, and that feature is a key differentiator of Bitcoin when compared to alternative systems.

As I've said many times, if a reasonable hard fork is proposed which doesnt have massive risk and has real community backing, it will be released in some supported version or branch of Core (if nothing else, supported by me). What this doesn't mean is a hard fork with no opt-in replay protection or with a webapp to select consensus rules or a commitment to 20GB blocks or a low-hashpower-commitment activation criteria.

This also doesnt mean that I wont, personally, argue against it, but if there's real community backing, I'm happy to maintain the code. I'm not "one to judge consensus", that is for each individual to judge, and if they think it exists they can and should run the code for it, even if it doesn't come from Core.

Because any realistic hard fork is going to have more than just a simple block size rule relaxation (activation criteria, replay protection, n**2 sighash protection, additional commitments to block data, etc, etc, see Spoonnet for a reasonable example of likely fixes), such a change only serves to mislead users into thinking they are running something other than an SPV client (might as well just have an SPV mode..we'll likely do one of these days..when someone gets around to it).

I'm disappointed that you seem to have bought into the deliberate misunderstanding of the view of most devs in the community that a few very loud voices in the community have been touting for their own political gain. If you believe something other than Bitcoin Core has consensus, you can and should run it! This is both critical to Bitcoin's success and a deeply held view by every serious developer I know. The view that developers are refusing to allow a consensus change that has real community backing is more than a little insulting, and only exists to create diviceness and attempt a negotiation with a group that can't negotiate except as individuals who can, individually, advocate to the community for changes.

From: Gavin

So… that's a no?

Would a command-line option to allow users to say 'I want to go along with hashpower consensus when it comes to block size' be unacceptable for some reason?

No code related to a hard fork AT ALL, zero expression on what the max block size should or shouldn't be…

Also: would you be willing to make this conversation public?

From: Matt

That is a "you know as well as I do that no one individual can or should make decisions about forks". Have you seen https://bitcoinhardforkresearch.github.io with recent proposed hard forks by Core contributors? I helped a ton early and contributed some to Johnson's most recent one, but then I assume you saw the bitcoin-dev discussion and coindesk article about it. Sadly the community seems to have a much lower appetite for hard fork proposals these days, or at least has no interest in any of those proposals.

If you want to follow hashpower, great! You're an SPV Client, and there are many great SPV clients out there for people to run.

As for making it public, oops…I already posted my response (with your name and original email omitted, of course).

 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/other-definitions-of-bitcoin 2017-02-08T10:52:38-08:00 2017-02-08T10:52:38-08:00 Other definitions of Bitcoin
Yesterday's post triggered some interesting discussion on reddit and twitter.

I realize now I should have been more specific– when I said "technical definition of Bitcoin" I meant a couple of things:

I am thinking of what Bitcoin is today and in the near future, not what it might eventually evolve into. While it is fun to talk about what Bitcoin will be in 100 years, that wasn't the point of my blog post. I didn't mean to imply that any definition of what Bitcoin is today and in the near future would somehow be iron-clad and binding and never change; thinking you can control how a technology evolves is even sillier than thinking you'll be able to predict beyond a decade or maybe two.

I also want a definition that could be useful in determining which of two competing ledgers a neutral geek would point at and say "that one is Bitcoin as described in the original Bitcoin whitepaper". It is very possible I'm not seeing the forest for the trees, and I should think of the whole social infrastructure that is Bitcoin and accept the fact that "Bitcoin" is a human-generated concept that cannot be pinned down. But I think that's stupid, and even imperfect definitions can help to bring clarity.

I found two suggestions for modifying the definition interesting. First, instead of talking about double-SHA256-proof-of-work, just say "chain with most energy expended on proof of work." I do think that if SHA256 was ever horribly broken the proof-of-work could change and the result should still be called "Bitcoin".

That other is to declare that "Bitcoin" is the ledger starting with the genesis block that has the biggest market cap (exchange rate times number of coins) instead of most proof-of-work. That probably matches people's intuitive notion better than proof-of-work, and if there was some fast, secure way to determine which branch of the ledger has the larger market cap it would even be a useful technical/engineering definition.

In practice, the chain with the biggest market cap will be the chain with the most proof-of-work. I can imagine extremely unlikely scenarios involving economically irrational miners trying to destroy Bitcoin where that isn't true, but Bitcoin's two-week difficulty adjustment period makes it expensive for a minority of hashpower to maintain a split in the blockchain.
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/a-definition-of-bitcoin 2017-02-07T08:54:56-08:00 2017-02-07T08:54:56-08:00 A definition of "Bitcoin"
Engineers are great at not seeing the forest for the trees. They get stuck on details and lose track of the bigger picture.

I've seen it most often (and have been guilty myself) when they're optimizing something to make it faster. They'll start out OK– "it is taking eleven seconds to agitate the snarks, and seven seconds of that is just precomputing the eigenwidgets!"

So they'll take a day and make precomputing the eigenwidgets ten times faster.

And then realize with just a little tweaking and a really nifty algorithm and two hundred more lines of code they can make it one hundred times faster!

So they spend a few days making snark agitation take 0.63 seconds faster (4.07 seconds instead of 4.7 seconds), instead of moving on to the next performance bottleneck. They can become focused on one little thing (Performance of this routine! or Security! or Decentralization! or Compatibility!) and ignore everything else.

I'd like to propose this big-picture technical definition of "Bitcoin":

"Bitcoin" is the ledger of not-previously-spent, validly signed transactions contained in the chain of blocks that begins with the genesis block (hash 000000000019d6689c085ae165831e934ff763ae46a2a6c172b3f1b60a8ce26f), follows the 21-million coin creation schedule, and has the most cumulative double-SHA256-proof-of-work.1

If we can agree that is what we mean when we say "Bitcoin" then I think a lot of needless argument about "the trees" might be avoided.

Is there a nifty new type of transaction that is accepted by majority hashrate? Yes, still Bitcoin. Different arrangement of the merkle tree in the block header? Yes, still Bitcoin. Fix the off-by-one error in the difficulty retarget code? Yes, still Bitcoin.

Is there a minority hashrate branch of the chain? Not Bitcoin. Change the proof-of-work? Not Bitcoin. Majority hashrate decides 1% inflation a year is a Good Idea? Not Bitcoin.

Is there a better technical definition of what should or shouldn't be considered "Bitcoin" ?

Apologies if I'm accidentally stealing this from somebody, it seems like the obvious definition given Satoshi's original whitepaper and implementation. ↩

 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/either-or-ignore 2016-11-16T06:58:36-08:00 2016-11-16T06:58:36-08:00 Either/or : ignore!
Now that six months have gone past, I'm being asked if I still think Craig Wright was Satoshi.

I think there are two possibilities.

Either he was Satoshi, but really wants the world to think he isn't, so he created an impossible-to-untangle web of truths, half-truths and lies. And ruined his reputation in the process.

If he was Satoshi, we should respect his wish to remain anonymous, and ignore him.

The other possibility is he is a master scammer/fraudster who managed to trick some pretty smart people over a period of several years.

In which case everybody except the victims of his fraud and law enforcement working on behalf of those victims should ignore him.

So, either he was or he wasn't. In either case, we should ignore him. I regret ever getting involved in the "who was Satoshi" game, and am going to spend my time on more fun and productive pursuits.
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/bitcoin-protocol-role-models 2016-05-25T10:27:09-07:00 2016-05-25T10:27:09-07:00 Bitcoin Protocol Role Models
A couple of months ago, I was having Yet Another Argument with a Bitcoin Core contributor about the one megabyte block size limit.

I had asked: "what other successful Internet protocols impose arbitrary limits on themselves similar to the one-megabyte limit?"

His answer was "there are limits on the size of the global routing table in the Border Gateway Protocol (BGP) protocol."

BGP is the protocol routers use to decide what to do when they get a data packet bound for an IP address like "126.96.36.199" – they send it to China (18.104.22.168 belongs to the China Mobile Communications Corporation right now).

So I went and skimmed through the BGP protocol documents. Then read the wikipedia page on BGP. And had the opportunity to talk with Justin Newton, who participated in the debates on Internet scalability fifteen years ago.

And found that there are no protocol-level limits on the size of BGP routing tables. There is no place in any BGP specification I can find that says "Routing Tables Shall Be No More Than Eleven Gigabytes Big."

BGP is interesting, because it is a completely different way of doing decentralized consensus than Bitcoin. Instead of proof-of-work, BGP's consensus is built on real-world trust relationships between people operating the networks that make up the Internet. That works surprisingly well most of the time, especially considering the stunning lack of security in the BGP protocol.

There are limits on routing table sizes, but they are not top-down-specified-in-a-standards-document protocol limits. They are organic limits that arise from whatever hardware is available and from the (sometimes very contentious!) interaction of the engineers keeping the Internet backbone up and running.

I haven't been able to find a widely-used Internet-scale protocol that arbitrarily limits itself. The closest I've found is the Simple Mail Transport Protocol (SMTP) which has a SIZE header that a server can use to specify the maximum email message size it will accept. The arbitrary limit chosen by the SMTP designers is 99,999,999,999,999,999,999 bytes (just under 100 exabytes).

The HTTP 2.0 spec explicitly discusses denial-of-service attacks, but doesn't impose hard limits: "An endpoint MAY treat activity that is suspicious as a connection error of type ENHANCE_YOUR_CALM" (I can't help imagining the server as a California Surfer saying "enhance your calm, dude!)

That's a well-designed spec. Trust that smart developers will fix scaling or denial-of-service issues as they arise– and, if for some unforeseen reason it turns out they can't, trust that there will be either an amendment to the spec or a "best practices" document to fix the problem(s).
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/satoshi 2016-05-02T00:00:57-07:00 2016-05-02T00:00:57-07:00 Satoshi
I believe Craig Steven Wright is the person who invented Bitcoin.

I was flown to London to meet Dr. Wright a couple of weeks ago, after an initial email conversation convinced me that there was a very good chance he was the same person I'd communicated with in 2010 and early 2011. After spending time with him I am convinced beyond a reasonable doubt: Craig Wright is Satoshi.

Part of that time was spent on a careful cryptographic verification of messages signed with keys that only Satoshi should possess. But even before I witnessed the keys signed and then verified on a clean computer that could not have been tampered with, I was reasonably certain I was sitting next to the Father of Bitcoin.

During our meeting, I saw the brilliant, opinionated, focused, generous – and privacy-seeking – person that matches the Satoshi I worked with six years ago. And he cleared up a lot of mysteries, including why he disappeared when he did and what he's been busy with since 2011. But I'm going to respect Dr. Wright's privacy, and let him decide how much of that story he shares with the world.

We love to create heroes – but also seem to love hating them if they don't live up to some unattainable ideal. It would be better if Satoshi Nakamoto was the codename for an NSA project, or an artificial intelligence sent from the future to advance our primitive money. He is not, he is an imperfect human being just like the rest of us. I hope he manages to mostly ignore the storm that his announcement will create, and keep doing what he loves– learning and research and innovating.

I am very happy to be able to say I shook his hand and thanked him for giving Bitcoin to the world.
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/satoshi-roundtable-thoughts 2016-03-06T06:08:41-08:00 2016-03-06T06:08:41-08:00 Satoshi Roundtable Thoughts
I participated in the "Satoshi Roundtable" event in Florida last weekend on my way home from the Financial Cryptography conference.

The Roundtable is an invitation-only event organized by Bruce Fenton (current Executive Director of the Bitcoin Foundation, but it is not a Foundation event), and I'm told that in past years it was mostly a relaxed networking/socializing event.

This year, discussion of the the block size limit dominated the entire weekend.

All of that discussion happened under the "Chatham House Rule" – "…participants are free to use the information received, but neither the identity nor the affiliation of the speaker(s), nor that of any other participant, may be revealed" – so for the rest of this blog post I will talk about what happened and what was said, but won't mention any names or affiliations. You can see who attended at the event's website.

There were a couple of key moments that I remember. At one point, everybody was asked if they supported the "Hong Kong compromise" from the week before (segregated witness in April, then code for a 2MB hard fork in July of 2016 with a minimum of a year before 2MB blocks are allowed).

"Everybody who support that, raise your hand" : a dozen or so people, most of whom were part of that Hong Kong meeting, raise their hands.

"Everybody who does not support that, raise your hand" : everybody else (forty? fifty people?) raises their hands.

There was a lot of talk about moving the July of 2017 date closer. In particular, a plan was presented that had a three month grace period after 95% of hashpower voted yes and 75% of coin-age-weighted-transaction-volume-in-some-time-period also indicated support.

A subset of people spent several hours talking about the details, but reached no consensus. 95% miner voting is a problem for some miners, who don't want to have veto power over such an important change. The chances of extortion either against them ("vote the way I want or I will DDoS you off the Internet") or by them ("If you want me to vote a certain way, pay up") are just too great.

And while the 75% coin-age voting is an interesting idea, actually agreeing on the details (Is there a fixed time period when the vote happens? A sliding window with a deadline? Should it be 75% of total transaction volume or just 75% of the volume that bothers to express a preference? Should it be 25% can veto instead of 75% needed to approve? Is this meant to be a vote or just a signal that people have upgraded?) and then writing and reviewing the code would take months.

Over the last year of trying, and failing, to reach a reasonable compromise, it has become clear to me that some developers don't want any on-chain scaling solution any time soon. They believe more theoretically elegant (but technically complicated) off-chain solutions like the Lightning Network are a better long-term scaling solution, and they believe that by resisting a simple limit increase we will get to that long-term solution faster.

They are wrong.

If the block size limit is not increased, we will see more off-chain solutions. But they won't be the Lightning Network– instead, we will see highly centralized "clearing" agreements between exchanges and miners and merchants or merging of miners and transactions creators.

We can see this start to happen– BTCC is a large exchange and mining pool, and announced "BlockPriority" last year for its customers. I don't blame BTCC at all for doing that, it makes perfect business sense.

It is, however, a symptom of an unhealthy network that is becoming increasingly unreliable and vulnerable to attacks.

Brian Armstrong and Bruce Fenton also wrote about this year's Satoshi Roundtable.
 tag:gavinandresen.ninja,2014:Post/One-Dollar-Lulz 2016-03-03T05:55:33-08:00 2016-03-03T05:55:33-08:00 One-dollar lulz
A couple of months ago, Paul Sztorc published a blog post asking two very good questions:

"Why do you think we have a [maximum] blocksize?"

"What has changed, between the time that the [maximum] blocksize was introduced (July 15th, 2010), and today, which motivates us to make a corresponding change in the constraint?"

For me, personally, the answers are simple. First, the limits were added to prevent a 'poisonous block' network denial-of-service attack. We have to worry about denial-of-service attacks if they are inexpensive to the attacker. 'Amplification' attacks are the worst, where the attacker sends a little bit of information that causes lots of traffic on the network or causes lots of wasted CPU processing.

Second, a couple of key things have changed since Satoshi made the change.

The attack the limit is meant to prevent is much more expensive today. I have a spreadsheet with all of the trades made on bitcoinmarket.com, the earliest Bitcoin exchange. On July 15th, about eleven thousand bitcoin were traded at an average price of about three cents each.

The block reward was 50 BTC back then, so miners could sell a block's worth of coin for about $1.50. That gives a rough idea of how much it would cost an attacker to produce a 'poisonous block' to disrupt the network– a dollar or two. Lots of people are willing to spend a dollar or two "for the lulz" – they enjoy causing trouble, and are willing to spend either lots of time or a modest amount of money to cause trouble.

Today the block reward is 25 BTC and the price is over $400; miners get over $10,000 for the blocks they produce. An attacker would have to spend close to that amount to produce a 'poisonous block.'

Something else has changed since July of 2010– we know that attackers could produce very-expensive-to-validate blocks, even with the limits Satoshi imposed over five years ago. We have known that since Sergio Demian Lerner reported it in 2013.

The fact that nobody has attacked the network by producing intentionally-expensive-to-validate blocks is very good evidence that there is no profit to be made by the attack… but it is a good idea to completely eliminate the possibility of a 'poisonous block' attack. BIP 109 eliminates the attack in a straightforward way, and makes it safe to raise the limit.

So, we know how to safely raise the limit. In 2010 there were a few hundred transactions confirmed per day. Today there are hundreds of thousands confirmed every day. The number of people reporting trouble getting their transactions confirmed is increasing, and even the smartest fee-estimating code in the world will not prevent transaction confirmations from becoming increasingly unreliable.

See Paul's blog post for other people's answer to "why do we have a maximum block size."

In my view, people are using the block size limit for something it was never meant to do– to influence how people use the Bitcoin blockchain, forcing some uses off the blockchain.

They are doing this for the best of reasons– they believe their vision for the future of Bitcoin is better than what will naturally arise if the limits are (safely) raised or eliminated.

I cannot support that type of top-down, centrally-planned vision.


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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1616532595472686854.post7014339361664797451..comments2016-12-19T05:57:35.874-05:00Comments on kitsch café blog: WHAT I DIDN'T BUY :: INDYAndrewhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-1616532595472686854.post-42630465370453717532013-06-16T10:03:00.811-04:002013-06-16T10:03:00.811-04:00Aw, thanks for the shout out! I'm ready to pl...Aw, thanks for the shout out! I'm ready to plan a trip to your place so we can go thrifting together and I can NOT buy things, too!! ;)email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-1616532595472686854.post-34896751886340581422013-06-16T09:48:17.272-04:002013-06-16T09:48:17.272-04:00yeah, the hutch was great. you seem them a lot her...yeah, the hutch was great. you seem them a lot here, but this one was extra mod.

i need to learn more about pottery!Andrewhttps://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-1616532595472686854.post-80260918215673321832013-06-16T02:16:02.763-04:002013-06-16T02:16:02.763-04:00wow, i wish they had a hutch like that in thrifts ...wow, i wish they had a hutch like that in thrifts over here - no way it'd be only $70!

I'm pretty sure the little man with the cork in his head is from David Stewart. Unusual color on him...
A La Modernhttps://email@example.com


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Product Testing Tips
1. You should never pay for Product Testing, NEVER!
2. When you do a Survey/feedback on the product to be tested, be completely honest. And be sure when they ask which product you may have tested first you reply with the one you were MEANT to test first. Other wise they will remove you from the test and you will not be paid.
3. If you don't like the product you are testing, at least test it for 2 - 3 days so you can give full feedback on whatever the product may be. COPYRIGHT Annika's 1999 - 2017 www.amylynn.org/home
4. If there is an agreement to not share info about the product that you are testing, be sure to stick to it. This means no sharing photos on social media.
5. Save any confirmations of requests for payout as well as completion for any product tests.
6. Read the Product Testing invite emails, and questions slowly.
7. Product Testing can be complicated, don't stress out about it, after all often times it's a new product. Enjoy the chance at improving something new. COPYRIGHT Annika's 1999 - 2017 www.amylynn.org/home
8. Product Testing isn't always for payment, it can sometimes be that the company feels as though testing their new product IS the payment. Don't be discouraged because it may lead to paid Product Testing offers.
9. Be sure when you sign up for Surveys, Focus Groups, Product Testing or Mystery Shopping, you confirm your email address. Many complain they aren't getting very much work. That might be why!
10. If you have spam protection set up on your email account, you may have to remove it in order to get invites. Auto responders are a big no no when it comes to Surveys, Focus Groups, and Product Testing.
11. If requested to share the information (like Influenster asks you post on social media) be sure to follow the disclaimers. You often times have to mention you got the item free for your feedback.
12. Don't sell products you get to test with your mom groups. Those products are given out for you to test with friends and use NOT TO SELL! This cheats the program and makes it harder to get those offers on everyone.
13. Even your kids can take part in Product Testing. So be sure to fill in profiles that ask about the ages of your children.
14. Don't forget to read our Product Testing Q & A located here and also our "Getting Started Section" located here
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Best of luck on the new LD venture. To quote another great artist, "what a long, strange trip it's been."
Attached is the cover of the first Lighting Dimensions I ever received, when I was just about ankle-deep into this business (I got my toes wet back in '79). So odd that the issue that ends it all has the same act as the one that got it all started for me. [Editor's Note: The final cover of Lighting Dimensions featured The Rolling Stones.] As that was the annua
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In this still image taken from their video, Lauren Schuhle shows off her engagement ring that she just received from Alex Montgomery, who proposed to his girlfriend while scuba diving off Marathon in the Florida Keys.
Talk about Enchantment Under the Sea.
When 20-year-old Alex Montgomery decided to propose to his girlfriend, Lauren Schuhle, last month, he knew he wanted to do something special they'd remember for the rest of their lives.
But he had no idea just how memorable it would turn out.
"We're both outdoorsy people and we like to do things like scuba diving in the Florida Keys," the Community School of Naples graduate and current University of Florida finance student said. "I'd been thinking about proposing for a while, and she kind of knew it was coming, so I wanted to do something unique and creative that would be a good surprise and make it special for her."
To accomplish that, Montgomery said, he got together with the couple's parents and hatched a plan.
"I talked to our parents, and we decided I'd do a dive proposal in Marathon in the Keys," said Montgomery, whose underwater popping of the question gained national media exposure from the likes of ABC News, Yahoo! and Good Morning America when a video Schuhle's younger sister posted to Facebook went viral to the tune of more than 100,000 views on YouTube.
But to pull off the impending proposal while keeping Schuhle in the dark about the whole thing required a team effort from the start, Montgomery said.
"We told her we'd planned a last-minute trip to the Keys so she wouldn't know what was going on, but both families were in on it," he said. "The first day we just kind of hung out and went to Key West, and the next day we put the plan into action."
The plan, Montgomery explained, consisted of Montgomery's father sinking a treasure chest containing an original poem he wrote for Schuhle, a photo flipbook and a banner reading WILL YOU MARRY ME? at a predetermined spot while the couple scuba dived a short distance away. Once that was finished, Montgomery would lead Schuhle to the treasure chest and execute the proposal.
But as poet Robert Burns so famously wrote, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
"I couldn't find the chest for a long time and I was freaking out because I was starting to run out of air," Montgomery said with a laugh. "I finally resurfaced while Lauren was still underwater and raised my arms like, 'Where is it?'"
Directed by the couple's parents, who were in a nearby boat and frantically waving their arms toward the location of the chest, Montgomery finally got his bearings and led Schuhle to the proper spot while his father, Jay, jumped in the water and captured the milestone moment on the soon-to-be viral video.
"The only thing the video doesn't show is the 15 minutes where I was panicking because I couldn't find the chest," Montgomery said. "But after that it was all good. And she said 'yes,' so that's all that mattered to me."
For her part, Schuhle said she was completely surprised by the proposal beneath the waves.
"I was honestly in the dark about the whole thing the whole time," said the 20-year-old from Wellington, Fla., who began dating Montgomery a year and a half ago when the two met while conducting tours for prospective honors students at the University of Florida. "Even when I saw the chest, I didn't make the connection. I was like, 'Oh, cool, a treasure chest.' It didn't hit me until he pulled out the book and I saw the banner and I thought, 'Oh, my gosh, this actually happening right now."
Still, while Montgomery's monumental question was easy enough for her to understand thanks to the banner, Schuhle said she feared her answer wouldn't be received clearly.
"I was nodding my head 'yes' vigorously and I gave him a big hug, but the first thing I said to him when we resurfaced was, 'Yes,'" she recalled. "I wanted him to hear it from my lips, and then I told him how happy and surprised I was. He really did such an amazing job with everything. It was beyond my wildest dreams, and it was so great to have our families there for it."
Schuhle's mother, Karen, said she's been shocked by all the attention the videotaped proposal has received.
"It just keeps going and going and going," she said in a disbelieving voice. "Every time I think it's over, it just gets bigger and bigger. But everybody's so excited for them that they'll have such a great story to tell later on in life."
Jay Montgomery echoed those sentiments.
"I don't even know what to think about it," he said with amazement in his own voice. "The video was intended for family who couldn't be there for it, for the grandparents to watch. I never anticipated that it would escalate like it has. It's still a mystery to me how it happened. But we're so excited that they'll have such a wonderful story to tell their grandkids one day."
For all the positives stemming from the video, however, Jay Montgomery said there's one small drawback.
"One thing's for sure: it's going to be a tall order for Alex's younger brother to top this one," he said with a chuckle.
Montgomery and Schuhle plan an August 2015 marriage.


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Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!
God is good!
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A lawsuit brought by insurers alleging that a law firm colluded with chiropractors in a fraudulent scheme to solicit accident victims and collect undeserved "PIP" benefits did not constitute an unlawful SLAPP suit, a U.S. magistrate judge has decided. The ...Read More »
'Negative profiling' evidence ruled inadmissible
A jury verdict finding a defendant guilty of possession of cocaine with intent to distribute has been reversed by the Supreme Judicial Court because the admission in evidence of so-called "negative profiling" testimony, suggesting that the defendant did not look ...Read More »
BBA reiterates capital punishment opposition as Sampson sentenced to death
A Boston federal jury on Monday (Jan. 9) sentenced Gary Lee Sampson to death for the murder of Jonathan Rizzo, one of his three victims. The jury reached its decision after deliberating for 16 hours but could not agree on a ...Read More »
SJC to appoint committee to study grand jury instructions
The Supreme Judicial Court has decided to appoint a committee to study whether a rule requiring grand juries in juvenile murder cases to receive legal instructions on mitigating circumstances and self-defense should be expanded to adult defendants. "[W]e … believe ...Read More »
State judge rejects federal test on meal break compensability
The test for determining whether a meal break is compensable under the Massachusetts Wage Act should be whether an employee was relieved of all duties during the break, a judge from the Superior Court's Business Litigation Session has ruled. Plaintiff ...Read More »
Grant of judicial immunity to witnesses may be a first
"Although we have left open the possibility that 'unique circumstances' could require a judge to grant a limited form of immunity to a defense witness … we have not yet been presented with such a scenario." So wrote the Supreme ...Read More »
Boston company helps litigants repair online reputations
Attorneys who strive to take a holistic approach in advising their business clients need to consider the damage to a company's online presence caused by a high-profile lawsuit or government investigation. That's the basic premise underlying a menu of litigation ...Read More »
Case between sportscaster Lobel, Woodland Golf Club slogs on
In the 14 months since legendary Boston sportscaster Bob Lobel brought suit in U.S. District Court against the Woodland Golf Club in Auburndale for denying him the use of a specialized golf cart, the case has plodded along with all ...Read More »
'Suggestive' police identification of defendant admissible
The use of a booking photo by detectives in Lowell to identify a defendant as the man who fled from them during an investigative stop did not violate the defendant's due process rights, a Superior Court judge has determined. Detective ...Read More »
Release of Chism interrogation video upheld
The Supreme Judicial Court has affirmed a judge's decision to deny Philip Chism's motion to impound a video recording and transcript of a police interview. Chism was sentenced to serve life in in prison with the possibility of parole after ...Read More »


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Belimumab Dosage
Applies to the following strength(s): 120 mg ; 400 mg
The information at Drugs.com is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult your doctor or pharmacist.
Usual Adult Dose for:
Additional dosage information:
Usual Adult Dose for Systemic Lupus Erythematosus
10 mg/kg IV at 2-week intervals for the first 3 doses and at 4-week intervals thereafter.
-Infuse over a 1-hour period.
-Consider premedication including an antihistamine, with or without an antipyretic, before the infusion.
Use: Treatment of adult patients with active, autoantibody-positive, systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) who are receiving standard therapy.
Renal Dose Adjustments
No adjustment recommended
Liver Dose Adjustments
Data not available
Safety and efficacy have not been established in patients younger than 18 years.
Consult WARNINGS section for additional precautions.
Data not available
Other Comments
Administration advice:
-Do not administer intravenous push or bolus.
Storage requirements:
-Refrigerate, protect from light.
-Do not freeze.
-Avoid exposure to heat.
-The total time from reconstitution to completion of infusion should not exceed 8 hours
-After reconstitution, if not used immediately, protect from direct sunlight, and refrigerate.
-After final dilution in sodium chloride 0.9% solution, may store refrigerated or at room temperature.
Reconstitution/preparation techniques: The manufacturer product information should be consulted.
IV compatibility:
-Not compatible with 5% dextrose
-Do not infuse concomitantly in the same intravenous line with other agents.
More about belimumab
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- During Pregnancy
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- Drug class: selective immunosuppressants
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Other brands: Benlysta


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8.30 a.m. - 5.30 p.m. Monday to Friday. Please call to arrange after hours appointments & assistance
Citcom are a total solution IT and business consulting company, that is focused on delivering the best end-to-end solutions for Australian small and medium sized businesses. This may be achieved through either technology or non-technology initiatives such as business process improvement, where our goal is to drive exceptional business outcomes that could result in increased business efficiency, cost reduction and / or risk mitigation.
Save yourself the time - we'll come to you!


text: Look for the 3-disc Sex and the City: The Complete Fourth Season. to contain all 18 fourth season episodes uncut and in fullscreen and Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround. Bonus features tentatively include various audio commentaries, episode previews, and cast & crew biographies. HBO's Sex and the City: The Complete Fourth Season will street on May 20th with a $49.99 SRP.


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After slashing jobs, Yahoo turns axe to products
After slashing its workforce by around 5 per cent, Internet search firm Yahoo has reportedly been mulling over plans to shut down some of its web products, such as bookmark-sharing service Delicious, to stimulate revenue growth.
AllThingsD and TechCrunch recently reported that Yahoo was planning to shut down bookmark-sharing service Delicious as a part of its plans to consolidate its Web properties.
Chief product officer Blake Irving at Yahoo also posted a tweet that the firm had plans to get rid of the bookmark-sharing service Delicious for quite some time.
Launched in 2003, Delicious lets users to tag Web pages for future reference, and then share them with others. The service was acquired by Yahoo in 2005. The site serves as a whole Web memory.
However, a message on Friday at the Delicious blog claimed that the service was not being shut down. It stated that Delicious could find an ideal home elsewhere.
The firm sated, "We're actively thinking about the future of Delicious and we believe there is a home outside the company that would make more sense for the service, our users and our shareholders."
Earlier on Monday, Yahoo announced that it would slash around 600 jobs to hack costs.


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Words containing flemingi
Found 1 words containing flemingi. Browse our Scrabble Word Finder, Words With Friends cheat dictionary, and WordHub word solver to find words that contain flemingi. Or use our Unscramble word solver to find your best possible play!
- Scrabble
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When you purchase a digital subscription to Cake Central Magazine, you will get an instant and automatic download of the most recent issue.
Quick cupcakes I threw together for my daughter's birthday at school. Made the cattails out of raw spaghetti( which the kids loved to eat, weird)
(if this is a private computer)
Yes please, register now!


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…something borrowed, something blue. And something – hopefully – funny. Club-cafe Chłodna 25 is no more, long live its replacement Chłodna Comedy Club. Same address, rehashed space and new concept: from now on it is to be the central for comedy, small theatre forms and improv in Warsaw.
Couple of months ago Chłodna lost its license to sell alcohol – or rather didn't get it renewed, based on the veto by the local residential co-op (a bit of a worrisome trend). At the time we had serious doubts as to whether the cafe part will be enough to provide for the entire establishment when the booze revenues have dried up.
Alas, the crew at Chłodna didn't throw their hands in the air and pack the whole thing up. Quite to the contrary – they repainted the walls and came up with new concept, which might partially be out of the need to stick it to the man. But partially out of need for comedy and laughter, something the city is lacking in huge quantities.
[h3]We are not too stong on the funny around here, which is strange given the long-standing tradition of comedy during the communist era (perhaps free market did take something out of people in this department).[/h3]
To be completely honest, personally I am no fan of stand up comedy. I'd skip comedy nights at my local in London. Mostly because – unless it's Bill Hicks, and he's no longer around – it tends to be rather tedious. Stand up has to be really balanced and intricate to make any sense to me. A bit like writing a snappy column – seems easy and available, but is in fact an art as complicated as conducting an orhestra. It can easily go wrong, especially when the audience is stone cold sober.
Alas, here at the blog editorial office, we admire the guts on Chłodna's team, as well as the guts of Rafał Rutkoski, actor and comedian who is now the "face" of the new comedy club – to our knowledge first and only such enterprise in town. And so we will buckle up and go.
Even if it will cost us.
[h5]Rafał Rutkowski's new show "Tańczący z myślami" (Dances with thoughts, a word-play on the title of 1990 Kevin Costner film) premiered in Chłodna on August 13. Rutkowski is a Polish actor, co-funder of Montownia Theatre, with credits in cinema, tv and one-man comedy including Polish Sex, No country for great men (points for guessing the title of movie in question).
Chłodna Comedy Club is at 25 Chłodna Street in Warsaw. Its full program is to open in October.
Cover photo: Chłodna Comedy Club on facebook, illustration by Michał Jońca (who also designed our favorite Polish toy).[/h5]


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Tom Scheerer's frist book is released September 10th and I'm giddy with anticipation! Relaxed, authentic, collected and well-lived-in are all adjectives I strive to achieve in my own designs, and this gentleman has perfected these notions. I came across this Rhode Island foyer Scheerer designed on Gabrielle's blog, and the map wallpaper really piqued my interest! I spent the better half of last night "researching" Pinterest in a quest for additional inspiration, daydreaming how I would employ the nautical wall covering.
After many hours of searching, I wasn't able to find the exact wallpaper Scheerer used in the Rhode Island foyer (any ideas? I'm starting to think it may be custom…) but think Ralph Lauren's Great Harbor is a pretty good alternative!
Or what about EGI's World Map for a bolder color pallet?


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Author Name
McKechnie, Sue
Title British Silhouette Artists and their Work 1760-1860
Binding Hardcover
Book Condition Very Good
Jacket Condition Very Good
Type Book
Edition 1st
Publisher London Sotheby Parke Bernet 1978
ISBN Number
0856670367 / 9780856670367
Seller ID 10806
A monumental work covering 1) the historical and technical background, 2) the costume of the period: a guide to the attribution and dating of silhouettes, and 3) the artists and their work (divided into 7 sections according to the method and medium of the work). Includes 5 appendices and 3 indexs. Illustrated with 1678 images in black & white and 31 in color.
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Also in the Cast: The Memoirs of Tony Van Bridge
Bridge, Tony Van
Libreria AbeBooks dal 1 novembre 2006Quantità: 1
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Titolo: Also in the Cast: The Memoirs of Tony Van ...
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Tony van Bridge is one of Canada's most beloved and respected actors. He is the only person ever to have played Sir John Falstaff in all of Shakespeare's "Falstaff" plays at the famous Stratford Festival. He is the only person ever to have become a fixture at both the Stratford Festival and the Shaw Festival - Canada's two most prestigious theatres. He has apppeared for 15 seasons at each one, a record which no one else even approaches. This is the story of Tony's life in the theatre. It begins with his birth in Battersea in 1917. It details his false start as a concert singer, his training at RADA in the 1930s, and his early years in the English theatre of a bygone era. In the 1950s, Tony suddenly decided to try his luck in Canada. Here, he joined the fledgling Stratford Festival company, directed the Canadian Players and the Shaw Festival, and won awards as a television actor, as well as acting and directing internationally. The book contains a lifetime of theatrical anecdotes woven into a life of artistic challenge and occasionally personal tragedy. It is also a history of present-day culture and the conditions in British theatre before the war.
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We need to receive the book in the same condition it
was sent to you.
We will issue your refund as soon as we receive the book. //
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vous l¿avons envoyé.
Une fois le livre reçu, nous effectuons un remboursement immédiatement.
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I am collecting childhood stories from readers, so as to share them with others. All of the names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the writers, and some of the stories have been edited for grammar. If you would like to share your story, please feel free to add it in a comment on this page. By sharing our childhood stories we acknowledge and validate the world from whence we came, as well as make a commitment to our present-day to become healthier, stronger and better able to love ourselves.
When I was a kid, I was well loved. I received my fair share of hugs and kisses from both parents, ate well, laughed a lot, had an enormous loving family and for the most part, got along with my brothers. My mother was a quiet, loving, beautiful, tolerant woman who not only adored my father, but "believed" in him. She was the quintessential doting housewife, and loving, stay-at-home mother whose whole life revolved around the care of her family. My father, on the other hand, was hugely charismatic, funny, clever and talented. He taught himself how to play guitar, banjo, drums, harmonica, and even the violin all before the age of 18. He told amazing stories, was a fabulous, award-winning sale man, wrote his own music and could answer nearly every question on Jeopardy. Trouble is, he was an addict. And his addictions were so deep and so many that they got in the way of what might have been an average, normal life.
We moved 12 times in 14 years. Most of the houses we lived in were big and ostentatious—an odd phenomenon considering that my father never exactly held down a job. None were "ours." All were attempts to dodge creditors or loan sharks, some of whom would find us anyway and show up at our front door with guns not-so-hidden in their jackets, telling my mother, "We know where you live." I went to seven different schools in six different school districts, had virtually no friends until the eight grade and was a very poor student–I think at one point they considered me borderline "slow" and so, I was put in remedial reading, writing and math classes. On top of my father's addiction to alcohol, he was bipolar, narcissistic, sociopathic and equally addicted to gambling, pornography and money. He was a chronic liar and invested in every get rich quick scheme you could imagine, including pyramids and swindly deals and even sold women's edible underwear. My brothers and I credit our distaste for red and black licorice after eating boxes of it that had been left, unsold, in our garage. There were dirty magazines everywhere when I was growing up, so I became very well acquainted with adult interests from the age of five–which ultimately later in life could have confused me about love and relationships. Finally, there is even a story told–to be believed or not–that I was kidnapped for ransom to pay back a bad debt. My life was hugely unstable, chaotic, unpredictable, and unsafe, and more than anything, my mother sent us the message (me, in particular, the only daughter) that it is perfectly acceptable to love and remain with a crazy person who's capable of putting his entire family in danger. So, while love was indeed present in our lives, and we did have loads of "fun," there were some pretty severe mixed messages. Bottom line: I was raised by a pack of wolves. Or, more precisely, by two avoidants, one of whom was also an addict.
I grew up in a very loving household. But could tell from a very young age my dad was a selfish person. He used to hit my mum in their room; we could hear it happening and hear mum crying but she would always tell us nothing happened and everything was fine. This was so confusing to me. Dad was in a band and used to come home late at night and never give mum much respect or attention but we kind of worshipped him and would be excited when he got home.
I grew up thinking that the man ruled the house and could do whatever he wanted and the woman was there to please him. Dad cheated on mum and she argued with him about it. And so, he packed his bags in the middle of the night and left. I watched him leave. Mum was distraught and cried every night. I didn't know what to do to comfort her even though I tried. Nothing ever seemed to make her happy.
Mum became a different, colder person after dad left. Dad didn't look after us financially but, instead took care of his new family. We struggled while they seemed to have everything. I still get triggered if I meet someone who is funny about money or not financially stable. Mum, meanwhile, lived her life through us. If we weren't succeeding she would be extremely upset. There was a lot of guilt inside me if I didn't lead my life the way I thought she wanted me to. And it still triggers me when I do something (like be single) that she doesn't agree with or want me to do.
I am the middle child of three and the only girl; I think this is an important point to note as it often determines the roles that we take on when things go wrong. When I was six my father left my mother (or she threw him out depending on the story) and moved out of the family home. I was devastated. My Mum suffers from serious mental illness and although she never hit or abused us physically and we always had food on the table, her moods were very unpredictable and you never knew what you would wake up to. The atmosphere in the house was very tense and this was magnified by my elder brother and my mum who fought continually. I was the peacekeeper in the family. Trying to keep a sense of calm. If something went wrong and my Mum demanded to know who it was I would say it was me so that she wouldn't be angry anymore (even though it usually wasn't me!). Anyway, my brother eventually left home to move in with my Dad and today he no longer speaks with her. And although I wanted to go with and live with my father as well, my loyalty to my mother (because however young I was I knew she was ill) kept me where I was. This sense of loyalty remains today even though I find it very difficult to spend a lot of time in her company.
My father is the sense of calm in the family. The ying to my mother's yang. When my home life got too bad I would sneak out of the house and go and spend some time with him (I had to lie as she would get very upset if she knew I was visiting him out of the agreed court time). He would ask if everything was ok at home and I would say yes. I didn't want him to know what really went on. Should he have pushed a bit more knowing what she was like?? In hindsight probably yes, and therapists have told me over the years that he effectively abandoned us, leaving me and my brothers with someone who was mentally unstable. They said he should have fought more for full parental custody. And although I have disagreed with them as I love my Dad very much, I do know that my childhood has affected me and it is something I have had to come to terms with over the past eight years.
Once my elder brother moved out I took on a much more of an adult role to my younger brother. I had to do a lot more around the house, a lot more peacekeeping and I kept a lot of things hidden from the outside world. My "escape" as a teenager was to sit in my bedroom reading romance novels, sometimes two a night. Reading over and over again how love was difficult and a struggle but the man always came to the rescue of the woman in the end and everything always had a happy Hollywood ending. This helped me forget what was happening at home and made me hopeful for when a man came into my life. My first instance of loving someone from a far [torchbearing?] was when I was about 13, just after my brother moved out. Was I trying to further escape what was happening by replacing him and focusing on someone else?? You can't help but think so when you look at the timeline. This "fantasy love" lasted four years, even though he only ever once said Hello to me.
My parents were divorced by the time I was one , and I was an only child. My dad was an alcoholic, my mom a narcissist. I never felt a bond with my mom and felt that she never really liked me. If I didn't act the way she thought I should, I would get the silent treatment, and she could go for weeks completely ignoring my existence. When I was five, that's when I started spending every other weekend at my dad's where he lived with my step mom and her two kids. My step mom verbally abused me as she frequently raged at all three of us and she physically abused her own. It was a very chaotic household and continued to get worse until my dad died when I was 23.
At my mom's, life was different, she re-married when I was 11 and had my baby sister when I was 13. Before then it was just her and I– a very silent and cold place to be. I fell in love with my sister the moment I laid eyes on her. At 13, I was already sneaking out of the house, smoking cigarrettes and marijuana, and refused to do anything my mom said to do. My sister's birth and my relationship with her kept me from really going off the deep end. Yet, I felt lonely, worthless, ugly and unwanted. I was fearful most of the time as living with either parent was never predictable. A family member began to sexually abuse me at age 10, and my self-esteem plummeted. I bounced from house to house until my dad finally drew the line and made me stay with him until I was 18.
I did listen to my dad and felt he hung the moon in the sky. Though, I always felt second to him and wanted to be first. I was fighting with alcohol to get his attention. I felt I deserved it, as I was his only child. This began my love and relationship addiction, which was the foundation for all of the others. There's a hunger for love inside of me that never really goes away. My addiction has taken me to places I never thought I would go, do things I never imagined I would do, and am working on forgiving myself for the things I did for love. My dad died when I was 23, my baby sister when I was 34. I am a single parent and have been married and divorced twice. I ended up extremely depressed, homeless, addicted to drugs and the men that did them. I had been beaten, broken, and almost gave up. I'm now three years and 38 days in recovery and my love and relationship addiction is the hardest one. I'm aware that IT is what I've been feeding for many years. I'm just beginning to understand it and this site has helped me a lot. I have struggled with panic attacks since I was 10; today they aren't as debilitating. I was so unaware of the coping mechanims I naturally did as a child to protect myself. They had become serious issues as an adult.
I was the fourth child born to my father. The second to my mother. My father had been married to another woman before he married my mother, and had my first three half-siblings with her.
My father was the pastor of a small church. The way he was at church was not how he was at home. He was a complete narcissist. People "loved" him, but he was usually not nice at home. All of us kids, and my mother were basically ignored. It was all about my Dad and his world of being "worshipped" by his "followers."
My memories of my mother were that she was very stressed out, trying to please and keep my father happy, which was impossible. We all had to look good and be good to please him. What was actually happening at home was completely opposite than what happened at church. He was usually mean and controlling, but at church super charming and charismatic.
When I was 10 years old my father took my mother on a fishing trip out on a lake in a small boat. She never returned from that trip. She drowned. He claimed she fell overboard and claimed he couldn't find her. There were no witnesses and since this was the early 70's and it was a small town, there wasn't much of an investigation. And, because my mother's death was never investigated, my father was never held accountable.
As an adult, after my father died, I researched what all happened and so did my older brother. We discovered my dad had been having many affairs with many women leading up to my mother's death. I have spoken to one of the women who, at the time of my mother's death, was only 18 years old. She too was afraid of my father and to tell anyone about their affair.
We moved the next year to another town and he was pastor of another church. He remarried when I was 15 and continued to ignore me and my other siblings. He was caught up in his world of being "Mr. Wonderful Pastor" and also trying to keep his new wife happy. His new wife was only nine years older than me. She was horrible to me and my little sister and very abusive. When I was in 10th grade (15 years old), I was sexually assaulted by the principal of the high school I attended. This happened repeatedly until I graduated at the age of 18. I was afraid of this man, but also confused. He told me he loved me, but he also controlled me and threatened me if I told anyone what was going on. Most of the abuse happened while I was babysitting for him and his wife, on rides to and from babysitting.
I finally left and went off to college. I was pretty messed up, as you can imagine. Lots of trauma in my life that has contributed to a lot of my problems now. I turned to addictions for comfort as a kid. I see that now, and I'm working to understand myself and break free. And while I'm finally coming to terms with some of what happened, it's still a long journey.
Marie Carmen
I was one of two girls in my family. My mum married an alcoholic. I think he hated me for not being a boy. My Mum was always very busy studying, so our dad would pick us up on weekends and we'd stay there. I was a depressed teenager, was abused by my uncles, and emotionally abused by my narcissist, egocentric stepdad. At one point, even my mum started drinking. Suffice to say, we did have a nice granny who loved us. But eventually things got so bad, I ran away and remained in a different country for 10 years. I am now single with two kids, and was able to get away from a man I married who gambled, lied and abused me. I am trying to rebuild life for me and my kids. But, after another two failed relationships, it's not going well. Today, I hate men.


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Have you used your health insurance? Millions of Americans research insurance companies before they buy a policy. In many cases, the consumer simply goes to the internet or phone book to speak with one or more agents that discuss policy coverages and pricing. But should there be more depth to this research? After all, buying insurance is just the first step. Upon filing a claim, some consumers may realize that they did not research deeply enough.
Does the insurance company pay claims? If not, why not? These are questions that are often asked of agents and answered with statistics from a state insurance department or insurance rating agency. The answer is simple: the agent just may not know. But consumers need this answer, now more than ever. In this economy, a denied health insurance claim can mean the difference between life and death. This is serious, folks!
How do health insurance companies get away with not paying claims? When insurance as we know it today began, the industry came to realize the potential for consumer fraud. Fraudulent insurance claims cost the insurance industry millions of dollars, which increased the cost of insurance premiums. To prevent this from happening, legislation gave insurance companies more time to investigate claims before paying benefits. The legislation reduced wasteful spending of premium dollars on fraudsters trying to make a quick buck. As a side effect, the legislation enabled a new claim strategy for insurance companies.
Insiders call this claim strategy "The Three D's of Insurance" – Deny, Delay, and Defend. As long as they operate within the regulations of state departments for handling claims, health insurance companies can deny any claim for just about any reason. Usually, the claims that end up denied are those involving medium to large monetary amounts. A consumer can appeal the decision, but this only delays the payment of the claim while the company reviews it for the purpose of preventing fraud. Finally, the consumer can file a lawsuit, but the insurance company can use its vast amount of capital to defend that lawsuit for years.
Consider the case of Nataline Sarkisyan [http://www.insurancescams.net/news-a-media-reports/389-video-the-case-of-nataline-sarkisyan] who needed a transplant and was denied by her health insurance carrier but later reversed their decision the day she passed away. If a potentially life-saving treatment is in dispute, it becomes abundantly clear that something is very, Very, VERY WRONG!
Because health insurance consumers need to know what companies could be involved in this and other abusive practices, a website was created to help. Insurance Scam helps consumers research these issues by providing access to a database of existing stories involving insurance companies that do business in the United States. Insurance Scam includes links to consumer reports, online news articles, and video clips of news broadcasts for the public to review. The unfortunate truth is that the selection of an insurance company is no longer a financial decision alone – it could be a life or death decision. Protect yourself!


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|iPhone apps
Mutual Aid; A Factor Of Evolution [ By: Petr Kropotkin ]
About the Book
Mutual Aid; a factor of evolution
Mutual Aid: A Factor of Evolution is a book by Peter Kropotkin on the subject of mutual aid, written while he was living in exile in England. It was first published by William Heinemann in London in October 1902. The individual chapters had originally been published in 1890-96 as a series of essays in the British monthly literary magazine, Nineteenth Century.
Written partly in response to Social Darwinism and in particular to Thomas H. Huxley's Nineteenth Century essay, "The Struggle for Existence", Kropotkin's book drew on his experiences in scientific expeditions in Siberia to illustrate the phenomenon of cooperation. After examining the evidence of cooperation in nonhuman animals, pre-feudal societies, in medieval cities, and in modern times, he concludes that cooperation and mutual aid are the most important factors in the evolution of the species and the ability to survive.
About the Author
Petr Kropotkin
Geographer, zoologist, and one of Russia's foremost anarchists. One of the first advocates of anarchist communism, Kropotkin advocated a communist society free from central government. Because of his title of prince, he was known by some as "the Anarchist Prince". Some contemporaries saw him as leading a near perfect life, including Oscar Wilde, who described him as "a man with a soul of that beautiful white Christ which seems coming out of Russia." He wrote many books, pamphlets and articles, the most prominent being The Conquest of Bread and Fields, Factories and Workshops, and his principal scientific offering,
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