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Obituary & Guest Book Preview for Charles D. Gorsuch
Charles D. Gorsuch Obituary
Published in Alaska Dispatch News on Aug. 28, 2014
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: Charles Gorsuch, 84, passed away August 25, 2014, at Gloria's Golden Heart Assisted Living, in Anchorage. Charles was born in Hammond, Indiana, on February 22,...
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A man charged in his girlfriend's July death had his bond lowered Wednesday by Judge John Gauntt at a special hearing.
Matthew Stoddard, 22, of Copperas Cove, was charged with the murder of Angelica Santiago. Gauntt lowered Stoddard's $1 million bond to $150,000. Stoddard was still in the Bell County Jail as of 5:15 p.m. Wednesday.
When police arrived at the apartment that Santiago and Stoddard lived in together on the day of the shooting, July 10, "early assertions" were that the gunshot wound Santiago died from was self-inflicted, according to the release.
Stoddard told police he was in the bathroom with Santiago when she grabbed a gun and shot herself, according to the affidavit.
Further investigation by the Bell County district attorney's office led officials to believe a murder occurred, according to a news release.
The autopsy report showed Santiago suffered two gunshot wounds, and the death was ruled a homicide as early as last August.
Stoddard turned himself in to Harker Heights police on March 16.

subset: commoncrawl


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"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious." ―Albert Einstein
Lets start with the basics: Ice cream is American. Gelato, however, is a sweet gift from the Italians, ranking right up there with pizza and pasta.
While owners Noah Bernamoff and Matt Kliegman are the familiar names behind bagel sensation Black Seed, it's head baker Dianna Daoheung who is really killing it in Nolita.
We spoke to the James Beard Award-winning chef about adapting his renowned recipes for home cooks.


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Philip Schaff (1819 1893) wrote one of the finest histories of the church available. His eight-volume work, which covers Christian history from the apostles to the Swiss Reformation, incorporates discussion of ideas and ideals throughout the history of the church with the requisite facts and figures for each period of history. Each volume contains maps, charts, notes, bibliographies, and an index.
Need help selecting the appropriate Bible Study Resource?Be sure to check out our BibleFinder to help you find the right resources for your group.


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Serbia'S Transition To Market Economy: Why Has The Model Not Delivered?
The paper discusses the transition to a market economy in Serbia, a country that until the early 2000s was one of the principal laggards in the transition region. The paper tries to explain why Serbia, which had a relatively good starting position in 1989, has encountered substantial delays in carrying forward the main objectives of the transition to a market economy. Despite political stabilization and many positive economic achievements, the post-2001 transition strategy has not delivered the expected results. The strategy was based on the hyper-liberal model which placed emphasis on liberalization, stabilization and privatization, in line with the recommendations of the "Washington consensus", neglecting many other important areas of reform. With the new post-2000 turn towards the market mechanism, the essential role of the state and of state institutions was underestimated, which contributed to various long-run failures.
If you experience problems downloading a file, check if you have the proper application to view it first. In case of further problems read the IDEAS help page. Note that these files are not on the IDEAS site. Please be patient as the files may be large.
Volume (Year): 8 (2012)
Issue (Month): 2 ()
Pages: 87-98
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Half-centuries from Divan van Wyk and Sarel Erwee helped the Dolphins set up a final-day victory push in their Sunfoil Series clash against the Warriors at Buffalo Park on Saturday.
Van Wyk hit 58 and Erwee scored 64 not out as the Dolphins went to stumps on a shortened day on 257 for eight, giving them an overall lead of 356.
The visitors will now have the opportunity to push for the 10 wickets required for victory on day four, although Simon Harmer will be hoping that they bat on in the morning.
Harmer claimed figures of 5 for 100 to go with the 4 for 85 he took in the second innings, so should the Dolphins keep batting on Sunday morning, the off-spinner will fancy his chances of picking up what would be the second 10-wicket match haul of his career.
The Dolphins resumed on 34 for one in their second innings, and added 57 before Van Wyk was dismissed by Harmer after a 78-ball innings.
After Andrew Birch had first-innings centurion Cody Chetty caught by Ashwell Prince, Harmer got involved again as he denied Khaya Zondo (49) a half-century, and then trapped Morne van Wyk lbw for a brisk 41.
Harmer also picked up the wickets of Robbie Frylinck and Craig Alexander, but Erwee stood firm on his Sunfoil Series debut to make the Dolphins lead a comfortable one.
Just 62 overs were possible on the day because of bad light, which stopped play shortly after the tea break, and the Dolphins will be hoping for fewer interruptions on the final day.
The Cape Cobras will go into day four of their Sunfoil Series encounter against The Titans needing eight more wickets for victory after a dominant third day at Boland Park.
The Cobras' ability to speed the game up significantly on the third day owed plenty to Rory Kleinveldt, who took 7 for 34 as the Titans lost their last six first-innings wickets for just 12 runs.
With the tourists bowled out for 198, the Cobras piled on 212 for two declared in 57 overs thanks to Andrew Puttick's century, and then had the Titans 62 for two at stumps.
An eventful day began with the Titans on 183 for four in their first innings, and saw Graeme van Burren run out for 85 in the second over of the day.
However, it was Kleinveldt's spell with the second new ball that made the impact, as he picked up the wickets of Mangaliso Mosehle and Shaun von Berg in the 81st over, and Juan de Villiers and Vincent Moore in the 83rd.
When Roelof van der Merwe was trapped lbw four overs later, Kleinveldt had taken 5 for 4 in a four-over spell that gave the Cobras a 231-run lead on first innings.
Although De Villiers had Omphile Ramela caught behind early in the second innings, Puttick put on 176 for the second wicket with Stiaan van Zyl (86) to give the home side a massive lead.
Once Puttick brought up his third ton of the Sunfoil Series campaign, Cobras captain Justin Ontong called his batsmen in to set the Titans a target of 444.
Dane Piedt then picked up the wickets of Francois le Clus and Henry Davids in the remaining 22 overs in the day, to give the Cobras a good chance of picking up a fourth win out of seven games.
James Buttler
As the editor of Cricket Badger he is intent on building the website to give quality coverage of the domestic game around the world.
James was the full-time Media Manager at Yorkshire County Cricket Club between 2007 and 2010.
James is a published author and a writer/video contributor to many cricket publications.
He's unsurprisingly a complete cricket badger!


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If you have a complaint regarding a New Jersey licensed physical therapist (PT), physical therapist assistant (PTA), or someone who claims to provide physical therapy but is not a licensed PT or PTA, contact the New Jersey State Board of Physical Therapy Examiners by using their Consumer Complaint Form or contact the board office online. Complaints can range from unlicensed practice, administration/recordkeeping, advertising, fees/billing practices and incompetence to insurance fraud, professional/occupational misconduct, sexual misconduct and substance abuse/impairmentYou should also contact your health insurance.You can verify a PT/PTA's license here.
New Jersey Office of the Attorney General
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124 Halsey Street, 6th Floor
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Newark, NJ 07101
Telephone: (973) 504-6455
4/3/2017A Video Message from APTANJ President, Paul Vidal
9/17/2017Introduction to Fundamental Clinical Decision Making
9/27/2017APTANJ Northern District Fall Meeting
APTANJ Member Engagement Survey
APTANJ Non-Member Engagement Survey
American Physical Therapy Association of New Jersey
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Monthly Archives: December 2015
Ivy Manor Studios Presents: Mistress Rebecca Knox
"BE RESPECTFUL AND POLITE. I DON'T SKIP A BEAT AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU." The Ivy Manor has hosted many Mistresses over the years. We like to think that our doors are open to best Dominas in the world, both … Continue reading
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the largest snow flake ever recorded was 15 itches wide
f*** vaping and cigarettes for me hell no my choice is cigars
Hows everyone
Muttrs by imbroken
"You And I"
(with Omar LinX)
Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth
You're the only one that wants me around
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I
[Omar Linx:]
Go ahead and fill my drink up, you'll still be all I think of
We try and stay afloat, but know the weight will sink us
I say the problem's solved once you forget the question
But you go ask again cause you ain't learned your lesson
And to the he... read more
Cambridge to Boston, lives in a world she's lost in
Victim of compromise
He's starin' at her Aberdeen heart, London eyes, London eyes, Glasgow bone
She's a whistle in the catacombs, a paradox, paradox...
He's in love with the statue in a marble block
He's in love with the girl that time forgot
She just shuts her ears; she's fallen too far, with salt in her scars
Won't let him taste her tears; she's fallen too far; the girl that time forgot
Wasted moments full of potential a... read more
im haunted by this girl Cindi that i used to know, love and cared for. five months without giving a f***ing sh** about her and not thinking or having memories about her and i get my Macbook back and find pictures, a paragraph i wrote for her and the fights we had. i f***ing hate her and yet still love her for some reason even though the last month of our friendship she treated me like sh**...what the f*** is wrong with me..how do i get her out of my memory for good?
i want you all to read something i wrote for that girl i talked about earlier that left
Cindi my sweet hearted queen.
you mean so very much to me that i cant explain how much you do mean to me let alone show you. you mean the world, the universe the stars and sky to me. you can make my said rainy days into bright joyed filled days. you help guide my dreams so gently with your sweet words and cute actions that i smile so much at that my face ends up hurting. i cant ever repla... read more
a while back last year, i think it was about a month before new years a friend of mine that was online had finally left. me and her kept getting into fights and it was her fault most of the time. i'd try to help her and she had to turn it into a fight and it mad me pissed off to no extent and it was annoying. my girlfriend of the time which she hated and vice versa, (both hated each other and almost always went at each others throats if they talked) kept telling me just let h... read more
i love my truck,
last night taking it home after the mechanic fixed the problem on it i got on a dirt road about a mile or two from my house. it has this S shape to it after you cross railroad tracks. get through the first bend and went high into the second bend and stomped the gas to the floor. as it gets faster, and its only a small bend not a long turn to get a lot of speed but enough for my truck to jump from first to second and spun my back tires. broke traction with the... read more
"When I'm Gone"
It's my life...
My own words I guess...
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you despite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Da... read more
Oh, dear mother, I love you
I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
Dear father, forgive me
'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
In my heart I know I failed you
But you left me here alone
If I could hold back the rain
Would you numb the pain
'Cause I remember everything
If I could help you forget
Would you take my regrets
'Cause I remember everything
Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me
For never standing by you or being by your side
Dear sister, please don't blame me
I only di... read more


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4. Two Legs - Some Theories Considered
This seems to be the silly season for speculative theories about the cause of bipedalism, judging from the frequency with which they have been appearing recently. They all have to fit the scene which Yves Coppens describes so well - the drying of the Western side of the Great Rift Valley in Southern Africa: and the fact that chimpanzee remains are concentrated to the west of the Rift; and hominid remains to the east.14 Apart from that, we have informed guess work.
An hypothesis favoured by many has been Man the Mighty Hunter - the first hominid who stayed in the plains when the forests receded, and went upright to run faster, and to see prey or dangers far off. But can we seriously believe that some newly jumped-up biped had any significant speed advantage over the predators of the savannah? Walking on two legs is mechanically difficult and requires major changes in the configuration of the bones and muscular actions used for locomotion. The vertebrae have to become load bearing. According to Lovejoy, 'Lucy' must have come at the end of a long evolution towards two leggedness.15 It seems improbable in the first stages of the changeover that a new biped would have been faster than a quadruped.16 Human babies strive to stand upright, but revert to crawling when they are in a hurry. Scavenging, a less flattering image of our earlier selves, is open to similar objections. Hyenas and dogs are good scavengers without abandoning four leggedness. Scavenging is at best a partial explanation.
If it was not speed, then what was the advantage of the new posture? Dean Falk seems to suggest that bipedalism was produced by the need to keep the brain cool.17 She describes physical adaptations such as cooling holes in the cranium and more exposed pathways for blood leaving the brain, and suggests that the cooling was enhanced by going upright. Better cooling would be needed by a creature which used its brain more, especially when that brain grew larger. By the square-cube law, the surface to volume ratio becomes less favourable for cooling as the brain grows bigger. While one can see that a larger brain needed new cooling mechanisms, it is begging the question to argue that this was a cause of bipedalism. Surely the question which needs to be asked is what new activity had led to greater brain activity and the need for cooling? Other large bipeds, like ostriches and kangaroos, are certainly not noted for their brain-power - so what were the proto-hominids up to?
Another recent idea, from Nina Jablonski and George Chaplin,18 is that Savannah dwelling apes stood upright as a display of aggression. Surely this again is a very thin cause for such a difficult bodily transformation. Chimpanzees run social lives, stylised aggression and all, without undergoing the discomforts of becoming bipedal.
The idea of bipedalism being an adaptation to the dry Savannah is challenged by a watery hypothesis - the Aquatic Ape who may have taken to the water, wading and losing his hair in the process. Elaine Morgan suggests that this could have taken place in the Rift Valley when it was an inland sea.19 The wader's buoyancy in water would doubtless make uprightness easier. This hypothesis can also account for the high position of the breasts of the human female, and would explain a human nose which impedes the entry of water. Her argument that the detailed development of the human embryo suggests a return to the water is persuasive. Unlike any other primate, it even has a coating of wax (vernix caseosa) at birth.20 Like other mammals which have returned to the sea, humans can control their breathing - a prerequisite of speech. The 'aquatic ape' could certainly have enjoyed a rich protein diet from shell fish and the long-chain molecules in fish oils would favour the growth of nervous tissue.
The Morgan hypothesis has the essential quality which others lack; it suggests a unique and major change of behaviour as the impulse towards bipedalism. Yet though the aquatic ape is an attractive hypothesis, it does not account for the use of tools or language. Unless the salt deposits of the Rift Valley yield up real evidence, Morgan's marine ape must remain no more than an attractive idea.


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Moldova bans pork imports from Ukraine
The Moldovan Government on Wednesday, 28 September, decided on a temporary ban on imports of pork from Ukraine, according to state news agency Moldpres.
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Ontop of other necessities, The Cleveland4 need visits. This is a important part of prisoner solidarity. A step in keeping them connected to their friends and family.
help lizzard pay the last prorated rent amount before may 1st
The Cleveland 4 were four Occupy Cleveland activists, Brandon, Connor, Doug and Joshua "Skelly." They were arrested on April 30th, 2012. For more info check out cleveland4solidarity.org
Hi, I'm Juss. Right now I'm Cleveland's only live streamer and I'm trying to purchase a wifi hotspot and battery pack(s) and any other live streaming gear I may need.


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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186110951884438842016-09-08T00:33:54.897-04:00Life on the runSuzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-47659556001224578042015-05-07T08:40:00.000-04:002015-05-07T08:40:07.639-04:00Four hours to nowhereFour hours is a long time to ride a bike. It's even longer when you aren't actually going anywhere. And you're staring at the same four walls, in your basement, with only one window, starting at 5:00 a.m. On a Saturday. Four hours of spinning your wheel, without moving one inch. Watching YouTube videos and counting down the miles, to nowhere.

The thing about riding on a trainer is that it gives you a lot of time to daydream, to think, to pray. Sometimes this is a good thing, a great thing even. Sometimes you just wish you were done. Occasionally you do all of the above and then realize that you still have 3 hours to go.

But at the end of the ride, my legs are tired and I feel accomplished. I know I've done what I need to do to prepare. I also know that these training rides to nowhere in the basement in the dark of the early hours before anyone else in my family has woken for the day are mentally tougher than anything I'll face on the road, anything I'll face on race day. That preparation is just as important as moving the legs for 4 hours non-stop. The toughness I'm building inside will be so important on race day, when I'm tired and thinking about quitting. And in life, when I want to give up, like I wanted to so many times over the last 4 1/2 months.

And in the end that's the real beauty of all of this . . . having the dedication and learning the patience to work toward a goal that won't be accomplished for months. There is nothing more satisfying than working so hard for something for so long and then finally getting to the finish line and knowing that in this "I want it right now world", you were willing to give 6 months of your life for this one, brief moment of success.Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-89713814896895802182015-03-28T15:25:00.000-04:002015-03-28T15:25:04.371-04:00Early hoursWhen I decided to train for the 70.3, I seriously thought "I'll only have to get up 30-60 minutes earlier most days. That's not too bad." While it is somewhat shocking that I've remained dedicated to the time-intensive training plan (only missing one scheduled workout in 10 weeks), 30-60 minutes less sleep six days/week has turned out to be huge. It probably doesn't help that I'm still covering the vast majority of home duties...but honestly I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life. Not even when the kids were infants. There's no way to describe it except to say that I'm exhausted. Biking, running and swimming 100+ hours every week is enough to make me tired (although surprisingly generally not sore or stiff), but getting up at 3:45-4:30am six days every week has made this a test of devotion and mental strength. I didn't expect this at this stage of training. Thankfully I've recruited a friend of two crazy enough to meet me at the house once a week at 4:30am to run with me.

Anyways, the result is that I can now nod off (for at least a moment or two) almost anywhere at almost any time. Work is my favorite dozing location--I can't call it napping because I am typically on alert for someone entering my office. But, I've also stolen a moment or two while waiting in line to pay for groceries. While using the restroom . . . embarrassingly I will admit it. While folding and putting laundry away . . . sure thing. I've even resorted to making my kids pick bedtime books that they can mostly read to me (instead of me reading to them) and only opening my eyes when they startle me awake to help sound out a particularly tough word. Today was supposed to be nap day, but it's clear it's not going to happen. But tomorrow's another day, right?Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-56079358868883293212015-01-29T11:26:00.002-05:002015-01-29T11:26:32.301-05:00Swimming, or something like thatSwimming is not my thing, and by "not my thing" I mean REALLY not my thing. Neither of my parents know/knew how to swim so as a child I endured round after round of swim lessons because they felt it was of the utmost importance that I at least knew the basics in case I ever really needed it. I somehow managed to pass most of the swim classes, even if I am still traumatized by the thought of diving, and even managed to pass the required swim portion of 9th grade Gym. I was always the kid who seemed to "forget" my swim suit at friend's pool parties and was happy spending my day under an umbrella reading when we went to the beach. Friends who see me coming out of the pool, even now, immediately ask "Why are you swimming? Are you injured?"

When my husband suggested that I should do the Xterra sprint-length triathlon two years ago, I thought he was kidding and I may even have laughed out loud at him. "Come on, it's only 250 yards. Anyone can swim 250 yards." he said. Um yeah, whatever. 250 yards is 2 1/2 football fields! Did he have any idea how far that really was? Meanwhile he was preparing for his 1 mile swim, the whole time making it look as easy as sitting on the couch watching TV.

I did eventually take on the challenge and managed to swim that 250 yards, in open (cold) water. I spent most of the swim on my back with my dear friend Amy grabbing my arm to pull me in the right direction every time I headed off course, but I completed the swim and wasn't even the last one out of the water.

It's been two years since he first made that suggestion and while I still don't like to swim, I've managed to subdue my fear of being in the water, and have even managed to find a comfort zone--at least when the water's shallow enough that I can touch. It is not pretty, it does not feel good, and most swims include at least a half dozen brief moments when I feel like I'm suffocating, but I've somehow managed to transform from the runner who could almost make it one length of the pool (20 yards) to just someone who can swim over a mile (with my face in the water) in less than an hour. I've got a long way to go from swimming laps in the YMCA pool to an open water swim of 1.2 miles, but considering what I've already overcome the rest (hopefully with some actual swimming lessons) should be a piece of cake.

And if not, there's always the rescue volunteers, right?!Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-61760939195091744502015-01-18T21:26:00.003-05:002015-01-18T21:26:50.213-05:0026 weeks and countingTomorrow I officially start my journey toward the 70.3. A 26 week training plan (that's six months, ack!), that starts with an easy 45 minutes spin and a 45 minute swim. As long as I only think about each workout as an individual workout and I don't look at the whole week at a time, it looks pretty manageable. It's only when I think about the fact that I have to get up at 4:30 a.m. or earlier 4 days each week and that I have to pull two-a-days at least twice each week that I start to feel a little panicky about what I've signed on for. And I haven't even started thinking how freaked out I should be about completing the actual race. I just have to put the work in every day and I should be fine, right?

I just need to remember that I'm doing this for Chad and that I am one determined, and tough, chick. I got this. I GOT THIS! Have i got this??
Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-24966148251330730772015-01-07T10:09:00.000-05:002015-01-07T10:09:10.191-05:00In an instant
Somehow almost a year has passed. A year since I've even considered having anything to say, interesting or otherwise. It's easy to blame it on "the busyness of life", but the reality is that life is so overwhelmingly busy because I've let it be that way. I've brought it upon myself, trying to be a good wife, good mom, good employee, good friend, good daughter (and in-law) all while training and pretending that all that busyness was the way it's supposed to be.

And then one day two weeks before Christmas I received a phone call, well two phone calls actually (one from each spouse, at the same time, which made me dread hearing what they had to say). The voice on the other end very calmly said "Chad had an accident on his bike. He's broken one or both legs and you need to come out to the ambulance and then go to the hospital. Bring the kids, we'll take them for as long as you need." While I'm incredibly thankful that voice was calm, and coming from a friend--people I would trust my kids with under any circumstances, it was really the last thing I wanted to hear at that point. What do you mean he was in a bad accident? Christmas is 2 weeks away and I have a lot to do! I have a ton of things to take care of at work before the end of the year! What does all this mean for everything we've worked so hard for over the last 12 years together? Will he be okay? Oh God, please just let him be okay...

It's amazing how quickly life can change, in an matter of seconds. Instead of the stress of Christmas, year-end and the never-ending but overwhelming to-do list, suddenly all I really cared about was whether Chad would be okay. Suddenly, it was so clear that none of that other stuff mattered at all. Who cared if Christmas wasn't "perfect" or if the clients' work didn't get done. Not me. Doesn't matter. Please, just let Chad be okay.

Over the next week Chad endured two surgeries and a 7-night stay in the hospital, bedridden and in pain. Five broken bones, three limbs, leaving only his right arm useable. No weight on either leg for 4-12 weeks. Hospital bed, slide board, wheelchair, commode, cleaning pin points, daily shots, endless logistical planning just to get him to the doctor's office for follow up appointments--these things have become daily life. And surgeries, the fourth (and final) completed today. The worry that he will never walk comfortably again, and that he might not ever run again. The likelihood of arthritis on the left ankle is 100% and the possibility of having to have the ankle replaced at some point (a year, 10, 30?) is very high.

And through it all, what I feel most is gratitude.

He does not have a head, neck or back injury. It's only broken bones and he will heal. He may never again be a distance runner or an Ironman, like he's dreamed about, but for purposes of our life with him he will essentially be okay. And for that we are both so incredibly thankful, and fully understand that it is only so because God blessed him with a landing on his feet and not on his head, neck or back. To add to the feeling of gratitude, our friends, acquaintances, church family, bike community, parents of our kids' friends, etc., etc., etc. have showered us with an incredible amount of support, love, food, help and anything you would possibly imagine. It's been overwhelming at times, and again we are so very, very grateful.

Which leads me to the point of this post. In the midst of it all, while Chad was grieving his potential long term injuries, I decided to sign up for a 1/2 Ironman distance triathlon. Door County, July 19, 2015. I've been thinking about doing this for awhile now (notice I don't say "I was thinking about trying this"?) but was thinking 2017, after Chad's 1/2 Ironman this year and his full Ironman next year. But he can't do his dream race this year, may never be able to do it at all, in fact. Yet he wants to go watch anyways, so I thought that maybe I could do it for him--give him a reason to cheer and make him proud. Maybe I can give him a little bit of the excitement to tide him over until he can get back to doing something competitive again. Training starts in 2 weeks and I'll admit that I'm scared. Well, terrified actually, at least of the swim... and the hilly course. But hey, scared never stopped me before and this one is important for so many reasons. And really, you never know how much time you have to follow your dreams so I've realized you have to take advantage of the opportunity when it's presented or you might not get the opportunity again. So, here goes ...
Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-60310970587109923472014-03-04T21:03:00.001-05:002014-03-04T21:03:21.448-05:00If I die youngIt's been a week of deep thoughts. My dear hubby is out of town for work, I'm on a recovery week so not running as much as usual and Erika died.

All of this has lead to some deep thoughts on whether I've actually contributed anything to this world. I consider myself to be a good mother, a good wife, a pretty good lawyer, and a woman of faith. But if I were to die at a young age, would I have made a difference to anyone? Would anyone think about my life and death as anything but a tragedy because it was cut short?

Am I selfish or giving? Am I living every day to the fullest or just getting by? Am I doing good things for others or only when it somehow (even if only in a small way) benefits me? Do I even notice the blessings and gifts handed to me each day or am I too distracted by my own worries (which are usually pretty insignificant in the scheme of things) to notice? If I were to die young, would people say that I lived a lifetime in the time that I had and that I had touched so many other lives? Would it cause anyone to stop and think about how they were living their life and whether they should be doing something more meaningful? Would I leave behind a good example for my kids for how to live each day meaningfully?

While I have no doubt that God has a plan for all of us, I can't help but think that somehow part of his plan for Erika was that she would touch many lives with her death (including mine), like she did every day of her life. Ultimately, it comes down to this: what changes do I need to make in my life to have that kind of positive impact on others? What has God already led me to, and what is his plan for me going forward? Feet of Faith was a great start, and will be continued, but I know there is more in store. I suppose for now, I just have to keep searching and stay open to discovering it.

And for the record, I have no reason to believe I'm going to die anytime soon . . .Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-29632676313470762952014-02-25T20:51:00.003-05:002014-02-25T20:51:25.554-05:00It's been too longReally, it has been way too long . . . so long in fact that I couldn't remember my user ID or password. Ugh! I suppose that's a good thing, meaning all has been well. Or maybe not so great--I haven't found or made the time to come here and reflect. There is something to be said for taking the time to process and document one's thoughts and I haven't exactly made time to do that in 8 months. Oops!

And the reason I've found my way back, isn't exactly cheery. But first, let me take a step back. It has been almost 2 years since my whirlwind of health scares began. I'm so blessed that so far the result has been nothing, zip, zilch, nada. Every six months I worry for about a week, go have blood drawn, wait my turn in a waiting room filed with people who look (and are) very sick and without hair to spend my 10 minutes with a doctor or PA who tells me that my blood work "looks good, except that I'm a bit anemic, but that's to be expected for a woman of my age who runs." After thoroughly questioning the doctor (every time) whether the "bit anemic" could somehow be a symptom of something more related to SLL and being thoroughly assured that this is the exact opposite of what one would expect if I was showing symptoms of SLL, I go on about my merry way for another 6 months. Almost 2 years in and having some perspective on the whole thing I've basically called "BS" and have found the blessings in life instead of thinking about the possibility that I may have SLL (or something so very much worse, for that matter).

Which brings to me what's been on my mind. I have an acquaintance, well more like ex-boyfriend from high-school from whom things ended rather badly and we have not stayed in touch. And by "not stayed in touch", I mean we have not become "friends" on Facebook (as benign as that typically is) or otherwise had any involvement (direct or otherwise) in each others lives for almost 25 years. However, we have some mutual Facebook friends and as a result of comments made over the last few months, it has become apparent to me that his wife is dying of some type of cancer in her brain. She is likely younger than me and has pre-high school age kids. Somehow, this has been sticking with me daily for weeks. I've been praying for this complete stranger daily for months and have been trying to resolve the tragedy to those who love her so dearly with the bigger picture. I find myself wanting to reach out to this woman, a woman I've never met who happens to be married to a man I have no desire to reconnect with in any way. A woman who, under different circumstances, could have been me . . . could still be me at any moment.

There is nothing I could say to her that would be anything other than weird, and so maybe what I should be taking from this is gratitude for what I have. The view that every single second of every single day is nothing less than a blessing and a gift. That every moment I waste on something useless, or dumb, or feeling sorry for myself or letting myself be overwhelmed with stress and worry is a moment in which I'm not appreciating the precious gift that is life. And life is too short and too precious to waste.

God bless you Erika, this stranger is praying for you every day . . . Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-40294245652990128482013-06-05T06:19:00.003-04:002013-06-05T06:19:35.066-04:00Chasing down a goalHave I mentioned that I am not a fast runner? I will never set records. I will never win races. I will never even place my age group (unless I happen to be the only runner in my age group). I will never run farther than everyone else or do anything else extraordinary when it comes to athletic endeavors (or likely any other endeavors either, for that matter). I'm okay with this fact. Yes, I'm mediocre and I don't have a problem with it.

That said, I have been trying to beat my person best in the half marathon since May 2008 when that personal best was established. I came close a couple of years ago, when I came within 25 seconds of that time. But, with 2-3 half marathon races under my belt most years since 2008 I have not been able to improve upon my time. That is . . . until two weeks ago in Madison, WI. I had tried a new training program and was running faster overall and feeling pretty good. I was ready, although that's usually the case as I'm pretty obsessive about training "according to the plan". Race day arrived and the weather was about perfect, low 50s, cloudy and little wind. I had eaten my post-race meal of pizza the night before with exactly 2 beers spread out over a few hours. And somehow, after 5 years of trying to better my best by doing all of the same things each time I signed up for a race, this time I was able to cross the finish line with a new best to beat! Almost 30 seconds better, and feeling good (despite the unexpected "OH CRAP!" short, very steep hill at mile 10.5 and the non-stop gradual uphill over the last mile).

I still have 3:40 to knock off my time to hit my ultimate goal. Whether I can do that in Madison is yet to be determined, but this is a race I want to return to, and Madison is a city I will visit again!Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-66902192241279159002013-05-04T15:01:00.001-04:002013-05-04T15:01:44.690-04:00Goofy's Challenge!Goofy's . . . ahh, Goofy's. What an interesting experience. Seriously, this was the hardest thing I've ever done. When I first contemplated running this race, I half-joking told my husband we should go do it for my 40th (which was last summer). I was pretty sure he'd tell me I was crazy. Instead, he said "Let's go!" In case you don't know, Goofy's is a bit of a crazy race in which you run the 1/2 marathon on Saturday and the full marathon on Sunday. Both races start at an ungodly hour and require you to board a bus to get to the start line even earlier. Our alarm went off at 2:30am, yes AM!, not one but two days in a row while on vacation at Disney World. Who thought this was a good idea, again?

So anyway, 7 months before the race we signed up and made our arrangements for a family trip to Disney World. Six month before the race we started training. And training we did. We trained through the summer. We trained at camp (in the middle of nowhere, each alone) through the fall. We trained during rain, rain/snow/sleet mix, blizzards, snow, cold and wind. We convinced babysitters to show up at 8am on a Saturday so we could do you second day of long runs (the really long one) together instead of running 20+ miles alone every third weekend.

And suddenly we were getting on a plane with the kids to go to Orlando and it was race weekend. Both races, quite honestly, were huge, a bit overwhelming, spirited, full of interesting people, packed with entertainment, characters, bands, music and sights. We did, after all, run through all of the parks. The only difficulty was that on the marathon day (day 2) it became quite warm before we finished and we had to do a run/walk for the last few miles of the race. But really other than the unpredictable weather (which honestly was okay since it made for a fantastic trip otherwise), it was everything I could have asked for. It was incredibly challenging, incredibly inspiring and a reminder of just how tough I really am. I still will never win any races or qualify for Boston or meet any of those other "tough"-runner benchmarks, but I will always remember the 30 hour period in which I willed (after much training) my body to run 39.3 miles simply because I thought it sounded like fun.

I recently learned that Disney is now offering the Dopey challenge. The 5k Thursday, 10k Friday, 1/2 Saturday and full Sunday. Is this in my future? Who knows, but it's pretty close to 50 miles and I have 10 years before I reach that decade milestone. That gives me lots of time to think about it I suppose . . .Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-16154682025192686312013-03-02T09:25:00.000-05:002013-03-02T09:25:04.587-05:00Winter BluesSo I realized on my run this morning that I never posted an update from Goofy's Challenge. It's been 6 weeks since the race and yet I haven't managed to make one single blog post about it.

In short, it was amazing and the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. In fact, it was so amazing that we are headed (sans kids) to Disneyland in Anaheim Labor Day weekend to run a 10k/half combo. I will write about Goofy's soon, I promise, but for today I have other thoughts on my mind.

After Goofy's Challenge, I came home thinking I would do some skiing and keep running and just take it easy for awhile. Well, the skiing was terrible--iffy weather and pitiful grooming by the DNR, it was cold, snowy, really cold, slippery, blah, blah, blah and somehow I found myself having a hard time finding the ambition to get out the door. I started weight training, some short treadmill runs (UGH!) and riding my spinner once a week, but managed to find one excuse after another to not go outside and run. I tried to motivate myself by briefly considering running a marathon two weeks before my scheduled half marathon in May. I even went so far as to print out a training schedule and sort of follow it for about a week before deciding that I just didn't feel like running a marathon this spring and throwing the training schedule away.

And then I convinced myself, with the help of my encouraging husband and a good friend (who said she'd do it with me), to do a sprint triathlon this summer. For the record, I am NOT a swimmer. The last time I did anything that resembled "swimming" was 9th grade gym class when I was required to spend a semester in the pool. I was never a strong swimmer, even in my younger days and quite frankly have always been a little scared of being underwater. So when I decided to do this, I also decided I had to put myself out there and make it happen. For 3 weeks after "declaring" my goal, I put off getting a swim suit, etc. (again the excuses!), but then once day my husband agreed to pick one up for me. Well, I'm proud to admit that I've made it to the pool two weeks in a row, and while it's not pretty I haven't drowned and I continue to have courage to go back and improve. I also have the found my running mojo again, which makes me so very happy! Hmm . . . maybe I need to reconsider that marathon mid-May . . . Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-71825650164677293332013-01-07T16:24:00.002-05:002013-01-07T16:24:45.783-05:0028 weeksI am officially in week 28 of the Goofy's Challenge training program! 28 weeks! Where in the world did all that time go?! But seriously, I can't believe the first leg of the race is only 5 days away and 6 days from now we'll be celebrating. I'm nervous, but I know I can do this. I have trained faithfully and am feeling good. My injury has healed and I am ready.

I have to admit that somehow all those interesting (at least to me) random thoughts I usually have while running have magically disappeared as the runs have gotten longer and harder. In all honesty, it's hard to think about much of anything when you're running 12 miles in a blizzard at 4am and know you have 24 miles to run the next day. Somehow all of those observations on life, nature and everything around you are lost in the never-ending shuffle just to complete your run that day. I had forgotten (so quickly) what it is like to run in the winter. I had forgotten how the brain's ability to dump everything out in that soothing way gets caught up in the ever-present thoughts of "don't fall on the ice", "where's the safest place to step", "umm . . . that car isn't giving me much room so think, think, think how can I get out of his way", "please don't snowblow your snow on me" and "wow, my ears (hands/face/feet) are really cold today!".

Certainly not the same effect as running on that beautiful spring, summer or fall day and letting your mind drift. But, then I remembered that I don't run in the winter to gain speed or find the tranquility. I run in the winter to maintain fitness so that I can get out and enjoy those beautiful spring, summer and fall days. And honestly, the change of pace (on so many levels) is quite okay.

Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-61804343315042528502012-12-03T23:08:00.002-05:002012-12-03T23:08:30.658-05:006 weeks and countingIt feels like I have been training for this race forever, and I really mean FOREVER. It's been a gradual buildup in miles and the longest training plan I have ever followed. I've usually stuck to 16 week plans for marathons and 9-10 week plans for halfs. But because of the intensity of running a half marathon and then getting up the next day and running a full, I found a plan and have pretty much stuck to it. This plan is 28 weeks (so it really has felt like forever). When I started the first few weeks of the plan it was early July, hot, humid and "long runs" were 3 miles long. Twenty-two weeks in and somehow I've managed to run a number of back to back short long runs followed by long long runs. Last weekend I managed a 10 miler before work on Friday and a 22 miler on Saturday. My first reaction was "Holy Crap! I'm really going to do this." I was exhausted, but shockingly two days later (today) I found the ambition to get out for a 4 mile run and felt pretty good. I know I still have a ways to go (7+ more miles), but I'm so close and I'm feeling okay. It really is shocking how the body learns to adapt to the abuse.

So here I am, knowing I only have one more back to back long run--almost 3 weeks away. Winter has left for the moment and even though I know it will return (probably tomorrow actually) I also know I can make this happen.

Six weeks left . . . what a journey this has been and I still have more to do. I'm ready. I can do this.Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-39980287795092027412012-11-09T09:21:00.000-05:002012-11-09T09:21:00.673-05:00the LakeYesterday morning was one of those rare mornings in which my entire run was in the dark and there was very little wind. I decided to run along the Lake, one of my favorite places to run. I had to get up early to fit my 8.5 miler in before returning home for the usual weekday morning hustle and bustle and was looking to just get the run completed before today's 20 miler.

Approximately a mile in, I knew this run was going to be different. I wasn't feeling all that awesome or all that horrible and the weather was kind of ho hum, but the moment I spotted the ore ship docked in the lower harbor I just had a different feeling about the day. It was lit up like the biggest Christmas tree I had ever seen and the spotlight was shining across the harbor to the light at the end of the break wall. I could see the beam of light as it stretched across the harbor and everything was so still and quiet. It was early enough that I had almost the entire route to myself--I only saw 2 walkers and a dozen or so cars the entire time I was out there. It was so calm that there were no waves and the Lake was practically a sheet of glass. That spotlight reflected on the harbor in an eerily kind of mirror. As I rounded the corner by the coast guard station I could no longer see the ship or it's beacon above the Lake. I ran on for another mile and a half until I turned around to head home. Immediately upon turning around I could see the ship (to my surprise) and quickly realized it had already left port. Then I noticed that I could see a glow on the horizon, which was another ship. I could not see the lights of town and the upper harbor dock was behind me. Suddenly I had a sense of what it must have been like to be or live along this great lake 100 years ago. No sound of a car, no sound of people, not even the sound of the Lake. I couldn't really see the Lake at that point because it was so dark. It was just me, the darkness and knowing this beautiful lake was out there under that big ship. Within the next mile and a half the ship had moved so far offshore that I could barely see the glow of its lights and within the next half mile it was gone. Just like that, in less than an hour that spotlight was gone and the ship had moved on.

I'm not sure how to describe the feeling I had from the experience. Most people would just say it was a ship on the Lake . . . wow (likely with sarcasm). And I'm not really looking for a metaphor from the experience but quite honestly it was beautiful and peaceful and kind of awe-inspiring. In short, just what I needed to start the day and a big reminder of why I love to run so much.Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-41612204831049912942012-09-25T20:41:00.003-04:002012-09-25T20:44:13.249-04:00I'm back!Did I mention that I hadn't taken 4 weeks off from running in a row other than the weeks after each of my children were born? Being injured was tough for me and I did not take it well. Needless to say, when the doctor told me to take 4 weeks off I cut it short by a day or two (really, it was only a day or two) and didn't exactly go back at it as slowly as I'm sure he wanted me to.

Which leads me to today. After a couple of mostly comfortable runs I decided to keep at it. After 18 days of "keeping at it" I decided to run the Fox Cities 1/2. I signed up for it a couple weeks before the injury and Sunday was supposed to be a 13 mile training run for Goofy's and since I was feeling pretty good on my runs I thought I would take it easy and see what I could do.

Race day arrived and I was nervous . . . much more nervous than I usually am before a race! I kept telling myself it was time to see what I was made of, but deep down I was worried that I couldn't do it. Was it because I had only been back for 2 1/2 weeks? Was it because my longest run in 2 months was a 9 miler only 8 days prior? Really, I just wanted to finish to prove to myself that I could do it. I knew I could run a 1/2; I've run almost a dozen over the last few years. But could I run a 1/2 with the limited training in the final weeks? Was I tough enough, mentally and physically, to pull it off? Would my injury rear its ugly head mid-race?

Well, I'm happy to report that all went well. My husband and I started off together slowly. I was mostly hoping just to finish, but I also wanted to do so with respect. I wanted to run the entire race and I wanted to be under an 11:30/mile pace. The first few miles hovered around an 11:00/mile pace, which was comfortable. By mile 6, we were speeding up, but I still felt good. By mile 11, I knew I would be okay and the last 1.1 miles were my fastest of the race (by quite a bit). I have to admit I was giddy at the finish and I knew I had my mojo back!

Now it's time to train for Goofy's. I have 3 1/2 months and a lot of injury-free miles to cover.Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-47369403553584680372012-09-10T20:45:00.001-04:002012-09-10T20:45:13.902-04:00Time keeps moving onIt's been awhile since I've landed at my blog. My biggest hang up has the the inability to run. It all started with a great backpacking trip and a run 3 days after returning home. Two miles into that run, it hurt a little and then a lot. I just had to get home . . . hoping it was just shin splints. Four weeks and 2 doctor appointments later (and an x-ray to be on the safe side) and it was determined that I needed to take some time off, might have a stress fracture although I was told it was unlikely, and that it was probably some tendinitis. So, for the first time in my life I missed a race I had signed up for and watched all the racers run by without me.

For only the 3rd time in 10 years I took more than a week off from running (and the other two times were after giving birth to my two children), and almost 9 years since I had an injury. It's unbelievable how stressed out all of this made me and how bad I was jonesing for a run. Yes, I could ride my bike and I was allowed to swim (although I probably would have drowned if I had tried), but it just doesn't compare to the release and the great workout of a run.

So after 4 week without a run, I gave it a try last week. It was ugly and painful, but not in the leg-hurting kind of way. So, I tried again a few days later. Leg still felt good and I actually felt like I was running again. It's not real shocking how much my stress level has gone down the last few days also.

I'm hoping this means I'm back, but only time will tell . . .Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-67302487829962535252012-07-02T20:34:00.002-04:002012-07-02T20:34:20.686-04:00UnpluggedI tried something today I haven't done in 5 years, I ran without my heart rate monitor on. When I started running I never wore it. Really at that point, I just wanted to get from point A to B back to A without dying, passing out, thorwing up, having an asthma attack or embarrassing myself in some really major way (which I have done more than once, by the way). I had no idea what a heart rate monitor was or why anyone would ever use it.

But then 5 years later I found myself pregnant with my first child and my doctor told me I could run as long as I kept my heart rate low enough. Thus, the search for a reliable heart rate monitor. I will admit it was weird at first and I found myself checking it quite regularly . . . say every minute or so. But over time, it became second nature to know it was there and to only check it when going up hills or doing something else that made me think maybe, just maybe, I should slow down from my already snails-pace. I always liked to track my miles also, so I ended up wearing my Polar watch/HR monitor along with an old-school, early-edition Garmin (which was huge, slow and bulky). A few years back I upgraded to a Garmin thanks to my wonderful husband who bought it for me for an anniversary gift. This was a great upgrade, allowing me to have my HR, mileage, pace, etc. available at all times. And so it came to be that I never went for a run without having all of that information at my fingertips.

Until today, when I realized about 30 seconds into my run that I had forgotten to put the HR strap on. I almost went home to get it but really, was it all that necessary? I'm happy to report that my run went fine. I tried to judge my effort by how I was feeling, which was a little difficult due to the heat, but overall it was a successful run. It felt kind of liberating to not have it, like I was in control of my run instead of the little computer attached to my wrist. I typically forgo other electronics (such as an iPod) while running, other than to carry my cell phone in case of emergency. And I think going forward I'm going to try to leave the HR strap at home a little more often.Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-79509146899879399902012-06-18T20:24:00.003-04:002012-06-18T20:24:43.363-04:00New goals, bigger ambitionsMore than two months after registration opened, we finally signed up to run Goofy's Marathon and a Half. It was my idea and I've been thinking about how I really feel the need to do this for so long that it's kind of hard to believe we've actually committed ourselves to the race. Holy wah! I can't believe we've signed up for this race. I'm excited for it, but I have to admit that it is intimidating!
We found a training program online. It is a 28 week program, and starts in 12 days. Because I'm running at least one half marathon between now and then (and hopefully two half marathons) I won't really start the official "training" program until after those races as I will be training for those races and then jump into that training program after I complete the halfs. This will leave me with 16 weeks to devote to training exclusively for Goofy's but I should have a great base going into it at the 12-week mark (I hope!).

On another note I am trying a new training program for the half(s) coming up this fall. I started last weekend and it is quite aggressive. I'm not that I will be able to complete each workout as called for, but I'm going to give it my best shot. If I can complete it, stay healthy and not have any more unexpected medical issues I'm really hopeful that I can PR, even if I can't break 2 hours.

Okay, seriously . . . I really can't believe I'm going to run a half marathon and then a marathon the very next day . . . I know many wouldn't agree, but this is going to be fun!Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-33371859454543426162012-06-01T22:01:00.002-04:002012-06-01T22:01:49.533-04:00CelebrationToday was a celebration of sorts. My cold had progressed enough that I felt good to run. And I received some good news this morning at my doctor's appointment. While my tests all came back consistent with SLL, the percentage of abnormal cells is small enough that my doctor has not "officially" diagnosed me as having SLL. That doesn't mean everything is normal or that I will never get it at some point in the future, but there's nothing that says for sure that I will get it either. This is not at all what I expected after my conversation with her two weeks ago, and to be quite honest, took a huge weight off my shoulders. My first thought was "Oh praise God! I'm going to make every moment count--spending time with my family, running, biking, eating yummy food!"
I decided to get out for a run with my most willing companion, our 10 year old yellow lab, and was so happy to get out into the quiet woods for an hour to celebrate the good news! We've gotten some rain this week and I was amazed by the height of the weeds, the brightness of the leaves and wildflowers, and echo of the woodpecker going about his business. It was a cool, crisp, sunny day and I was happy to finish so I could get home and see my family.

I have a few runs planned for later in the summer, but am contemplating a few random races between now and then depending on how I'm feeling, how much free time I have and how much ambition I can muster. For now, however, I'm thrilled to be able to run as if life is normal, because well . . . at the moment it is.Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-78260034624086921762012-05-28T13:14:00.002-04:002012-05-28T13:14:21.567-04:00BayshoreIt should have been a great race for me. The temps were around 55, nearing 60 at the finish and the humidity seemed manageable. My husband was willing to slow down and run with me to try to encourage me when I got tired.

But, it just wasn't my day. I'm not sure if it's the stress of everything that's been going on, the fact that I'm getting older, the allergens in the air or just plain one of those days but I wasn't able to breathe well at the start and my lungs never opened up. Deep down, I knew going in that I probably wasn't going to break 2 hours in this half. I just never felt like I was running my tempo runs at a fast enough sustained pace. That said, I only ended up 1-2 seconds per mile off last year's pace at this race and only about 10 seconds per mile off my PR pace. This translates to a race in which I came within 2 1/2 minutes of my PR so in the end I was quite pleased.

That doesn't mean that I'm still not hoping to break 2 hours this year. I have my sights set on Appleton in September, where I came within 24 seconds of my PR last year. But it also means I have to figure out how to tweak my training a bit and convince my doctors that I don't need any surgeries, biopsies, CT scans or anything else that screws up my training weeks or my mental state.

As all good training programs ending with a successful race should be celebrated, we went out to dinner at The Boathouse, a fabulous restaurant where I had one of the better restaurant meals of my life. It was a fitting celebration of the race and of our 7th wedding anniversary. Now that we're home I'm taking a day or two off and then hitting the trails for a few weeks before I start the training program all over again for Marquette and hopefully Appleton 2 weeks later. Bring on the summer running, I'm ready!

Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-3604852269924523672012-05-21T20:39:00.001-04:002012-05-21T20:39:58.273-04:00Suckin' it upFor future reference, I hope I don't have to have bone marrow biopsies on a regular basis going forward. While it was not the most painful thing I have ever had, it ranks up there pretty high. And 5 days later, I can still feel a "bruise" when I run. By the way, do you know how they get the needle into the bone to do such a biopsy? They SCREW it in! No, bone cannot be numbed and yes you really feel it.

Considering that I had the biopy just over a week before my race, I was determined to get out for a run the next day. Between the "bruise" feeling every time I took a step and mother nature (it was 85 degrees out) I had to cut my run short for the first time in a very long time. I didn't regret it one bit, but I was disappointed that I didn't have it in me to "suck it up" and push through. Two days later I went out for an easy 3 miler, which was almost as miserable. Of course, by the time I got home from that run it was back into the 80s.

I'm hoping it's the heat and not the soreness, the stress of it all or something else going on. Somehow it seems so important to me to push through all of this and keep running as if nothing is going on. Or maybe I'm trying to run from everything that is going on. Either way, it seems like my life (or at least my sanity) depend on pretending like I'm training for a race like I would any other year. I'm not sure how this will translate come race day. But in 5 days I will find out.Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-14656453961785240992012-05-16T21:52:00.000-04:002012-05-16T21:52:38.834-04:00The "C" wordI guess it's official. Earlier today I was diagnosed with SLL (Small lymphocytic lymphoma). This is a form of cancer that presents in the lymph nodes and often presents with CLL (Chronic lymphocytic leukemia) which presents in the blood. My blood work is normal, however it is rare for someone to have SLL without also having CLL. According to my doctor, only 5% of SLL/CLL patients only have SLL. Her best guess is that I have stage II (this is not the same staging as other cancers). So tomorrow starts yet another round of testing to more accurately determine staging and to determine if there is any bone marrow involvement (bone marrow makes new blood cells so if I have bone marrow involvement I will likely develop CLL at some point in the future).

The first test on the roster is a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow, which the doctor admitted is painful "for a few seconds". She says I shouldn't run later tomorrow but that I should be fine the next day.

Next week I have to have two CT scans (they can't do both the same day because it is too much contrast dye all at once--why does that scare me just as much?) so they can determine if I have enlarged lymph nodes anywhere else in my body.

Additionally, I have to have a ton of blood work done so they can do DNA testing on my blood to determine if I have an aggressive, fast acting, need treatment right now kind of SLL or if I have the typical slow-developing, may live 8 to 10 to 25 years without needing any treatment kind. I am so desperately hoping for the typical slow-developing, may never need treatment kind but I'm trying to not get my hopes up. Even the best possible news at this point still results in me having cancer. Oh, and did I mention that there is no cure for this cancer? That's right, no cure. The absolute best I can hope for is a lifetime of having it but not having to be treated for it. I know that doesn't sound so bad, compared to the alternative, but that doesn't mean that it is good.

The hardest part right now is trying to figure out what all of this means. The average age of diagnosis for CLL/SLL is 65. The average patient is a man. I am neither of these things. For more information on SLL see here: http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertypes/Lymphomanon-Hodgkin/TypesofNHL/Smalllymphocytic.aspx
The average life expectancy is 8-10 years, which is good for a 65 year old man, but pretty crappy for a 39 year old woman with 2 kids under the age of 5. Which leads me to question if that life expectancy doesn't really apply for a 39 year old because I have a significantly longer life expectancy to begin with based on my younger age. Or does that not matter at all?

All I know for sure is that it took everything I had to not completely lose it in the doctor's office today. And that the first thing I did when I left, was run. I ran hard, and fast and to the point of wanting to puke. When I was done, I no longer had to work to hold back the tears and I felt like somehow I could find a way to deal with all of this. I'm still freaking out, but at the moment I'm too tired from my run to do anything about it.

This has caused me to starting thinking about the important things in life. What if I find out I only have 5 years to live? What do I feel I need to do in that time period? This list will be coming soon and I will probably continue to add to it, even if I'm told I probably have 25 years. Crap . . . 25 years . . . that barely gets me to retirement. Fu#@!

I need to get out. I need to run, hard and long. This is so not what I intended for this blog . . . so not where I saw things going when I started writing a month ago. I will continue to run . . . I will survive damn it . . . there is no other alternative.Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-57990387434447959912012-05-13T13:50:00.003-04:002012-05-13T13:50:53.315-04:00A bad combination14.5 mile run . . 80 degrees and sunny . . . May 11 in a climate that rarely hits 80 during high summer months. This was not a good a good combination for my longest training run for my upcoming race. I haven't felt this bad on a long run in a long time. Starting around mile 3 I just wanted to be done. All I could think about was being done. Somehow I sucked it up and completed my run, with a decent pace, but too high of a heart rate. I drank 2 1/2 times as much water as usual and was still dehydrated. It probably didn't help that I had to cram 45 miles into 6 days because of the timing of my prior long run. But I was reminded that I can find a way to do it even when miserable, even when I just want to quit.
I'm also reminded how quickly winter becomes spring and how schizophrenic the weather can be around here. Two years ago this same weekend I ran a 22 miler in snow and sleet with the temperature hovering around 25. I kept thinking about that Friday and as much as I don't want to see snow in May, I would have preferred it at that point. That said, I'm now on my final countdown to race day. My last long run is in the books, I have one hard week left and then a taper week. Two weeks from today the race will be complete and I'll start training for my next race in September. It's hard to believe that during the first weekend of summer (Memorial Day) I'll already be counting down until the last weekend of summer (Labor Day). It's a pretty short period of time up here, but well worth the wait. Run on friends, it will be winter again before you know it.Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-90211194617745881692012-05-07T16:38:00.000-04:002012-05-07T16:38:04.196-04:00A signYesterday I decided to try my weekly long run. I was about 60 hours post-op and while still swollen and sore at the site of the surgery, otherwise felt pretty good. I ventured out around 5:30 a.m. for my first 14 miler since last fall and was quickly rewarded for my efforts. Within the first mile I noticed the sun peaking up over Lake Superior with a bright orange glow . . . the beauty of the lights pushing its way through the towers of the ore dock out over the Lake. The geese were honking and the dandelions that had gone to seed created a white haze just over the grass. It was a cloudy morning so I was treated to bright orange and pink streaks across the sky and felt somehow that it was a sign. I wouldn't necessarily call it a religious moment, but somehow I just felt that God was telling me it's going to be okay. I don't normally get "deep" while running so don't expect this to be the tone of the rest of this blog, but at that moment I felt some peace.

The remainder of the run was pleasant: comfortable temperatures with the rain holding off until after I was done, a dozen deer at Presque Isle (a few close enough that I could have reached out and touched), a couple of mallards in a small stream behind the high school, a woodpecker pecking away, little traffic and for the most part the bike path all to myself. Really, it doesn't get much better than that.

I would say that the sign was accurate in that if nothing else I successfully, comfortably, and at a decent pace even, completed the 14 miles. Yes, I was sore. But I did it. And that made me quite happy.Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-33672689240784213652012-05-04T10:16:00.003-04:002012-05-04T10:19:01.032-04:00RemindersIt would appear that I survived the surgery. Well, actually that's probably a bit understated since I seem to have come out of it with nothing more than a 1 inch-ish cut, a few stitches and now (being less than 24 hours later) some mild pain and some crazy dizziness. I attribute the dizziness to the pain medication I took before bed last night (I should have known better than to take two pills as directed), but the upside is that I have not taken any pain medication in 12 hours and am feeling pretty good . . . other than that annoying dizziness thing. Definitely not up for running my 14 miler today, but I'm hopeful that maybe tomorrow or Sunday I'll be ready. In reality, if it wasn't for the dizziness I would be at work right now and would be carrying on with life pretty much as usual. Or at least, as "usual" as I could knowing that I have to wait a number of days before I find out if all of this was was to confirm that I have nothing or that there is a problem after all.

I've been lucky enough since the biopsy to be able to run pain-free and despite the schizophrenic weather we've been having, running has mostly been great. I've had to carefully plan my runs around this surgery so that I didn't miss much training and was able to work everything in earlier in the week except for my long run. It's hard to believe that the race is three weeks from tomorrow and that despite everything going on medically I feel like I'm ready. It's a good reminder of how far I've come in the last ten years and how my personality refuses to allow anything to get in the way of my goals and plans.

That said, I have to face the reality that this is not the race in which I will break 2:00, and likely I won't PR either, but that's okay. Right now I'm just happy knowing I've been able to persevere through all of this testing and plan my training around it and keep putting one foot in front of the other day after day. I've also been reminded how lucky I am to live where I do. There are many reasons, but I don't want to go on and on and on so I'll stick with the one reason why I even mentioned it. I am so blessed to live in sucha beautiful place! I was running my favorite trail run earlier this week and stopped in the middle of the trail for a moment and looked up. This is a bit rare for me as I tend to watch the trail and I'm afraid of heights so I tend to not look around too much on certain parts of the trail. So I looked up (after I had come to a complete stand-still, by the way) and took in the view and it was amazing. I had forgotten that when my legs were screaming from all the uphill and downhill action, that meant that the view was of the deep-wooded hills, gorges and river a couple hundred feet below. It was so peaceful and perfect and I realized that I need to stop more often to enjoy it rather than just pushing through my run. Maybe next time I'll remember to bring a camera . . .Suzannehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-518611095188443884.post-77683913108454658102012-04-24T20:44:00.000-04:002012-04-24T20:44:02.227-04:00Continuing to moveSince my biopsy I've run approximately 29 miles. Some have been hard miles and some have been easy but as always they've helped me deal with the stress of what is going on. My favorite miles are long slow runs and trail runs. The trails here are gorgeous, even in the early spring (yes, it is still early spring here) when very little has bloomed and the woods are mostly brown. It's quiet . . . I mostly have the trails to myself. Yesterday, I saw three "white flags"--the telltale signs of spooking deer. And, nothing beats the zen of running on rocky, rooty, hilly trails and having all thoughts focused on staying on your feet and off your butt!

I met with the surgeon today who explained that based on the results of my biopsy they aren't really worried about breast cancer (which is what I thought was the concern) but instead there is a concern that I might have chronic lymphocytic leukemia as the abnormalities are consistent with that disease. I keep getting reassurances that it is very unlikely that anything is actually wrong with me, but just in case they need to find out. My "google" research shows that if it is cll, it is uncurable but that I could go decades before ever needing treatment. I'm still hopeful that this is just another blip in the chain of all of my weird medical test results that mean nothing (I have a lot of them).

So May 3 is the magic date. I will be having a minor surgery--but I'll only be getting a local, not being put under anesthesia which makes me happy and the cut will be small per the surgeon. He plans to remove exactly one lymph node and stitch me back up. He said I should be back to work the next day and my question of when I could run again was answered in a way that provided me some humor: "If it was me I would probably run later that day, but since you're the patient and I'm the doctor I should probably tell you to wait until the next day before running." Yes, I definitely picked the right surgeon. He is, after all, the founder of the Marquette 50mile/50k and runs faster, further and likely more often then me. I had expressed my time goal for my upcoming 1/2 Marathon and before the consultation ended he was giving me training advice. That's the first time in weeks that I've come out of a doctor appointment feeling better than I went in, even with the possibility of having cll.

To end the day, I do what I often do . . . I went and ran with my 10 year old lab. It seems to be helping as I actually feel calm and peaceful this evening and ready to take on the next round of testing.Suzannehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com


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Focus your store on some thing you adore. If you select what you think will make cash more than what you love, it gets to be simple to quit operating on your store and place other issues higher on the priority checklist. Select a hobby or enthusiasm and determine out what you can do to produce income. In my case, I adore artwork in all forms from creating to searching at it. From there I utilized several search engines to discover sites where I could market my function. By using an current site you get many features and benefits for free – but more of that will be coated later.
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ALL >> Education >> View Article
650-395: Small Business For Engineers Exam Is Set For Checking The Skills Of Entry Level Professiona
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