text:
Show Up.
Be YOU.
Alicia Keys One woman revolution
Fashion, beauty & activism on your terms
Salary Reveal
March 2017
Women and men compare
Alicia Stands Tall with friends from the Lower Eastside Girls Club, page 174. Valentino dress, earrings. Ashley Pittman bangles. See Glamour Shopper for more information.
Cover Reads & Hot Topics Show Up. Be You. It's All About: • Your Style Our spring fashion special has everything you want, with looks for every size and the coolest new brands (pages 82, 86). Plus: Elevate your ponytail (page 106) and learn to love not spending time on your hair (page 118)
• Your Sex Life Real women go deep on the subject of being themselves in bed (page 137) • Activism on Your Terms Get involved with whatever's important to you (page 162) and meet the women leading the way (page 184) 47 Unedited Red-carpet secrets, and other obsessions of the month
146 The Big Salary Reveal Six men. Six women. Who makes more? And how can you beat the pay gap? Our exclusive report 174 Alicia Keys: One-Woman Revolution "There are certain things we come into this world having to defeat"
184 Raise Your Voice Meet six women who refuse to see any problem as too big to solve 190 "When Life Gets Bad, Make It Funny" That's advice from our favorite TV bromance: SNL's Colin Jost and Michael Che
192 "Always Be Grateful" When Chrissy Metz landed her breakout role on This Is Us, she had 81 cents in the bank. She shares why she'll never forget that 200 Tell the World Who You Are Real women do just that, right here glamour.com 13
…and makeup in all the hues. page 102
…a healthy (and cheap!) DIY brunch… page 127
This month we're craving shiny lips… page 99
Fashion 59 Shop the Trends Find what works with your style now 66 The Accessory Edit The most talked-about shoes, bags, and earrings of the season 14 glamour.com
74 Double Take She who rewears wins. We show you how to win! 78 Outfits for Days DJ May Kwok takes three spring pieces for a weeklong test drive 82 Red-Carpet Revolution Actress Aidy
Bryant and designer Tanya Taylor are on a mission to make fashion say yes to all sizes 86 Do You Know These Labels? You should! Four buzzy brands that have your spring style on lock 92 Hey, Jenna! That would be J.Crew's Jenna Lyons, and she's solving your fashion issues
166 Work Your Look Model Adwoa Aboah holds nothing back in spring's best outfits 194 Find Your Passion Model and pastry chef Héloïse Guérin serves up spring's latest style obsessions
Beauty 99 The Most Fun Makeup to Wear This Spring Think colorful lids, glitter lips, and multicolor manis 102 Double-Tap This Presenting the Insta-famous brands we can't get enough of 104 Made for Me Glamour's Katheryn Erickson picks her favorite custom-made beauty products
206 Pack Your Bags The supersize satchel is the fashion emblem of empowered women everywhere
106 Your Ponytail Lookbook Glamour staffers show the humble pony's range
212 Purple's Reign Soft and sweet? No—this pastel makes a serious statement
108 Your Cat Eye, Customized How to modify the classic for your eye shape
94 The Man Who Loves Women Jonathan Saunders has big ideas for reinvigorating DVF
…locs we love… page 118
114 Ciara Demystifies Her Whole Beauty Approach Her entire routine takes five minutes! The singer spells it out here 118 "My Dreads Gave Me Time" Once Valerie June, above, stopped wasting time on her hair, everything changed 120 How to Look Less Tired Concealer? Facials? Caffeine? Four women road test ways to appear as if they actually got some sleep 16 glamour.com
180 Be Bold If getting noticed is the goal, Dior makeup pro Peter Philips has some gorgeously radical suggestions
…and the cutest booties. page 64 Topshop boots ($125, topshop.com)
Wellbeing 127 The Thrifty Girl's Guide to Brunch This four-course menu is everything—and costs less than $30 130 We Should All Be Meditating Suze Yalof Schwartz gives you a how-to you can try today
Life 132 "I Get Orgasm Headaches" Never heard of 'em? Sit down. Alana Massey will explain
137 How to Be Yourself in Love and Sex Coupling up can make it hard to just "be you." So take notes from these women
140 In Defense of Emotional Cheating It's normal to have crushes. Anna Breslaw wants you to stop feeling guilty!
Plus: spring's It Bags… page 72
Beauty tricks to steal… page 114
144 Crowdsource This "My boyfriend of four years doesn't want to move in. How do I get him to tell me why?" Our experts help solve that dilemma
146 The Big Salary Reveal Six men and six women compare numbers. Watch and learn how to get the pay you deserve
Talk 159 "We Keep Choosing Each Other" They fell in love, got married—and that was just the beginning of their complicated, beautiful relationship
…fashion advice to try... page 92
162 Every Woman Is an Activist Four fierce, impassioned women on how to move the needle on the issues that matter most
...and love stories to learn from. page 137
Everything Else You Need 28 From Me to You
36 A Woman Made This New column! 38 @Glamourmag 211 Glamour Shopper
34 Friends of Glamour
ON OUR COVER Alicia Keys was photographed by Carter Smith at Kings Theatre in Brooklyn. Fashion editor: Jillian Davison; hair: Chuck Amos at Jump Management; makeup: Chichi Saito at Art Department; manicure: Dawn Sterling at MAM-NYC; production: Jenny Landey Productions + Locations; prop stylist: Dorothee Baussan at Mary Howard Studio. Haider Ackermann jacket. Emilio Pucci jumpsuit. Anndra Neen earrings. Sopho Gongliashvili ring. For Keys' natural look, try Maybelline New York Baby Lips moisturizing lip balm in Quenched ($4, at drugstores) and Moroccanoil Intense Curl Cream ($34, moroccanoil.com). See Glamour Shopper for more information. Read more about Keys on page 174.
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142 Our Relationship, in Pictures Amirah Kassem knocked on her neighbors' door; Ross Harrow answered. Here's what happened next
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From Me to You
In Praise of Women Who
Speak Their Minds
e're taught early on in life that arguing isn't polite. Unlearning that lesson—and figuring out when raising your voice makes sense—can take years, but it's a crucial female life skill, and it's helpful to have some role models along the way. As we put together this issue, devoted to the arts of self-expression and activism, I found myself thinking about the women I've learned big and little speaking-out lessons from, including but not limited to: • The girl in my ninth-grade history class, Caroline Umana, who stood up before a largely skeptical 1980s suburban Virginia classroom and made an impassioned case for the Equal Rights Amendment, which our state (and a handful of others) had not ratified. Her voice shook as she argued that women should have rights equal to those of men. It was the first time I'd ever heard a woman stick up for the value of other women— novel concept!—but more than that, it was the first time I'd ever seen someone stick her neck out for an issue she cared about. I remember looking at her and thinking: That girl has guts. The ERA never did get ratified, but Caroline's example Self-Expression Hero: Adwoa Aboah, model (see page 166) and creator of the Gurls Talk lodged somewhere deep in my consciousness. initiative. "We don't all have to look the same," says Aboah. "We don't all have to act a certain • My friend Elizabeth, a Southerner who, one way or dress a certain way. [I believe] in letting women be whoever they want to be." night just after the 2016 election, was chatting Stutterheim raincoat. American Apparel hoodie. Maison Margiela earrings. See Glamour college football with a group sitting next to her Shopper for more information. in a New York City restaurant (she's a Georgia Bulldog; they backed LSU). One of the men leaned over and, "I want kids to call shit out as it is: That's racist. That's mean. chuckling conspiratorially, showed her a meme on his phone: an That's not funny." And that's a reminder to all of us. (Read more image of the White House with a fake headline reading "Trump stories like this on page 162.) Forces Black Family From Home." "Initially I just said, 'Hmm, • The woman on the most recent cover of Glamour, Lena Dunyeah, sorry, not funny,' and excused myself," Elizabeth recalls. "I ham—no, not just because she expresses her opinions so vocally was in shock, and fuming because it was so racist; I hated that (though I admire that, too) but because she is one of the few celebhe automatically assumed that because I'm from the South, I rities who isn't afraid to correct herself publicly if she feels she's appreciate that! Also my daughter was with me, and I wanted gotten something wrong. (Pay attention; so few people do this.) to show her that calling people out is not 'rude.' So I called him "It's no secret that the Internet hasn't always been kind to me, over and said, 'I just need you to know that I found what you sometimes with great reason and sometimes with no reason at showed me incredibly offensive.' He seemed taken aback, but all," Lena says. "But I feel one of the greatest gifts we can offer is as a teacher, I think about these moments all the time," she says. to learn and grow publicly. It may not (continued on page 32) 28 glamour.com
They pretty much make the world go round, IMHO!
From Me to You
He, She, They?
You'll read a beautiful story about a transgender man on page 159. If it raises pronoun questions for you, photographer iO Tillett Wright has some advice.
always be valued in the moment, but it sets a necessary example. It's also important to remember that you can't say something with passion and have it resonate with everyone. The only words that don't offend a single human being are words delivered without purpose. Learning to hear each other is the hardest job we have." The point? Speaking up feels good. Very good. But more important, it also shows everybody around you how it's done. Maya Angelou put it this way: "Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women." With that in mind, I tracked down Caroline Umana, my high school classmate, to thank her for her example. Turns out she's now a clinical nurse (and a mom) in Baltimore, and she said her first thought was that I'd called to warn her she was about to appear as a Glamour Don't. Instead, I told her about the impression she'd made. "Funny, I do remember that," she said. "I remember learning the statistic that women earned 61 cents to every dollar a man earned for the same job; it didn't make sense, and that angered me and fueled my presentation. I come from a family of four girls, and my mom never encouraged us to depend on a man." Today, Caroline is an avid volunteer and organizer who has done everything from helping start a local school to creating garden clubs for kids. She says her activism comes from her Catholic faith. "As a friend of mine puts it," she says, " 'Aspire to inspire, before you expire.' " I hope you find inspiration in these pages. But more than that, I hope you provide it to all the women around you. I know they're watching.
Selfie time with Olympic fencer Ibtihaj Muhammad
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Cindi Leive, editor-in-chief @cindi_leive
Now, at 31, it feels like a cheese grater on my skin when someone uses she with me, which, because people associate biology with gender, happens every day: I'm 5'9" with short blond hair and a boyish build, but I have boobs, though small, and my voice apparently carries a "feminine pitch." When people yell at me in bathrooms or call me the wrong thing, it reminds me that my body is at odds with my sense of self. If you've never felt that way, I can tell you, it's one of the most disorienting, lonely feelings on earth. Dating apps aren't designed for people like me; locker rooms are a minefield. The entire world is split down the middle of the gender binary—man or woman, nothing else. I'm constantly reminded that I'm the odd one out. I am one of the small percentage of people who feels stuck in a body that isn't associated with what they want to be called. You may wonder why pronouns matter, or feel like it's a lot to ask to call someone something other than what their biology clearly looks like. The thing is, what we call someone changes how we see and treat them. Because man, woman, or smack in the gorgeous gray zone of androgyny, everyone loves to be acknowledged and given the opportunity to weigh in on how they are discussed. If you're not sure what gender they're going for and don't want to offend, the question "What pronouns do you prefer?" goes a long way. It's a huge sign of respect and gives a person the dignity of feeling seen. If you can't ask, stay neutral and use they— or better yet, use the person's actual name. The most loving thing you can do is roll with it, because we are all our best selves when we feel like the people around us are allowing us to be our real selves. iO Tillett Wright is also a writer, artist, and activist; he lives in Los Angeles. See his work on page 184.
Self-Expression Through Makeup! Inspiring me now: April Nuttall (@april_christinaa), a self-taught makeup artist and mom from Saskatchewan. "I think it's important not to try to fit into your typical standards," she says. "Instead, create your own!"
I've been dealing with other people's awkward he/she dance my entire life: I was born female but switched to using he at age six. Then, eight years later I switched to she. Now I'm back to he. Spinning? When I was little, I would kick you in the shins if you called me a girl, but in my early twenties, having people recognize my femininity was super important to me. I was fishing around in my own identity closet; I was trying to weed out my social conditioning from a sense of myself that felt honest. (In 1999, being transgender was a terrifying social prospect, and I didn't yet understand that you can't run from yourself to please society.) At 28, I finally found the strength to ask myself what felt most right in my body.
Friends of Glamour
What's the Bravest Thing You've Ever Done? Our March contributors share some inspiration.
"Launching myself into the world of makeup without any specific training or experience. I just followed my guts, heart, and instincts, and I haven't had any regrets!"
"Never having a five-year plan—it ignites a neverending fire under your ass, which is especially helpful when you're just starting out." —photographer Leslie Kirchhoff, who shot a week of outfits on page 78
"Fully transitioning to adulthood. My entire life I was treated as the youngest, so becoming independent was largely troubling. Now I realize that this insecurity is a reality for the majority of youth, so I feel less alone." —Fernanda Ly, who models the makeup on page 180
"To believe that I as a woman can accomplish the impossible and become a purveyor of music, wellness, fashion…anything."
"Leaving my job to start my own company at age 25, without knowing anyone in New York City. Looking back now, I am so glad I did!"
—DJ May Kwok, who mixes and matches fashion on page 78
—designer Tanya Taylor, who shares her styles on page 82
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—makeup artist Peter Philips, who created looks for "Be Bold," page 180
A Woman Made This
Lens Crafter
Wear glasses? Thank Katharine Burr Blodgett, who back in 1938 made a discovery that changed the way we see. For years, the women responsible for everything from space missions (Katherine Johnson) to bulletproof vests (Stephanie Kwolek) have been overlooked. No more! In this new column, we'll celebrate them, starting with Katharine Burr Blodgett, who was the first-ever female scientist at General Electric. Hired to help create a protective film no thicker than a single molecule, Blodgett took the task even further: To eliminate glare, she layered the film on glass—44 times to be exact—and created "invisible glass," a version of which has been used in everything from World War II submarines to the cameras that 36 glamour.com
filmed Gone With the Wind to laptop screens and modern-day eyewear (like the above specs). "This wasn't just a lucky observation," says Cait MacPhee, Ph.D., a physicist in Edinburgh, Scotland. "She described exactly why and how the thin layers changed the properties of light. I use the technique she developed in my lab every day." Blodgett, who lived in Schenectady, New York, never married or had children—but her namesake niece, Katharine Blodgett Gebbie, became a renowned astrophysicist. For changing the way we see the world, we have one word for Blodgett: visionary. —Faran Krentcil
Jason Wu Eyewear Kristen in Rose ($395, jasonwueyewear.com)
@Glamourmag What Does "Beautiful" Mean to You? Young girls at this month's cover shoot (all members of The Lower Eastside Girls Club in New York City) have some answers.
Feminist Force
Hailey, 11, meeting her idol
The @glamourmag interview with Felicity Jones was incredible! What an amazing, inspirational gal! Too many favorite moments from it. —@Selena Barrows12, via Twitter
After reading @glamourmag I've decided Felicity Jones and I need to be best friends and fight galactic crime and drink wine together. —@sairentohiru, via Twitter Women and Power: Your Take I'm an African American subscriber to Glamour, a nd since the elec38 glamour.com
tion, nothing has been able to reach me. But Cindi Leive's "Women and Power: What Happens Next" made me feel that we aren't as divided as the rest of the world would like to make us think. My sisters, regardless of color, share the same goals to provide, stride, and be fabulous. I will wake up tomorrow knowing that once again, America is a place that was always great and is still a place where I can rule the world one swanky stride at a time! #girlsstillrule —Jacquelyn R., via email Secretary Hillary Clinton didn't lose the election because she is a woman and/or "unlikable." She lost because people disagree with her. I respectfully suggest that Americans who live in New York, L.A., and Chicago consider getting to know "deplorables" who live all over the U.S. instead of labeling us "anti-women" and assuming that we vote based on genitalia. —Sharon Whitlock, Rockford, Ill.
"Beauty isn't based on looks. It's more about your personality—if you're caring, loving, and you're intelligent. Being nice and kind is beautiful." —Chloe, 12 "You don't need makeup to bring out the true you. I'm beautiful on the inside." —Isabella, 11
"What makes me feel beautiful is just knowing I am who I am." —Gabriella, 11
"It means to just be you and stop listening to hateful comments. Don't let anyone bring you down." —Eliza, 12
She's a galactic warrior and a wine enthusiast?! Felicity Jones, you are a perfect person. Here's what readers said about her and the rest of our January Glamour.
"A lot of people think they can make themselves beautiful. But the way you're born is beautiful itself." —Hailey, 11
I loved "To Hell With Resolutions"! I'm one of those people who gets crazy excited about goal setting, especially for a new year. But I always tend to set too many goals, overplan, and micromanage them. Of course, I end up frazzled and feeling inadequate. So this helped me strip things down to the core idea of resolutions—they should make you better, not stress you out. This year I'm focusing
"I want to thank Emily [far left] for her bravery in sharing her story," wrote reader Angela Taylor about "My First Year...After a Loved One's Suicide."
on the things I'm most passionate about, like finally performing at an open mic night and vowing to save 20 percent of my income (#financialfreedom). That way I spend less time freaking out and more time geeking out. —Alexandra W., Brooklyn I so admire and respect Jessica Chastain, [who was featured in] "True Badassery Has No Gender." Not only is she gorgeous and colossally talented, but she has routinely spoken out on behalf of the vegan lifestyle and has advocated for animal rights. More, please. —Jennifer O'Connor, Largo, Fla.
Glamour's "Your Cycle in 2 Minutes" video took viewers through what really happens during a woman's 28-day menstrual cycle. It won 83 million views and more than 1 million shares on Facebook and counting. Women weighed in; Glo Stew wrote: "My January issue followed me on "This is so accurate! Women's bodies are amazing." Courtney Beckham recognized vacation to Fire Flake Farm, my friend's women with irregular cycles: "Shout home in sunny Lutz, Florida. After a out to the irregulars out there…some of recent career shift, this was the perfect these stages last much longer. We've got place to regroup my goals and side to give ourselves more credit!" And in hustles for 2017. It was a work hard, play the immortal words of male viewer Emre hard vacation: I gardened, mapped Schalen: "Respect to all women, this looks out a new business plan, and hung out like hell." Watch the full video at video with my feathered friend Daiya!" .glamour.com. —Dani J. Berkowitz, 25, New York City Missed any of the stories in our January issue? Download the digital edition from Gone someplace special with your Glamour? your device's app store. Send or tweet us a photo! See details below.
GOT AN OPINION? Sure you do—and we want to hear it. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.com; tweet to @glamourmag; comment on glamour.com or facebook.com/glamour; or write us at Glamour, One World Trade Center, New York, NY 10007. Submissions and comments become the property of the magazine and won't be returned; they may be edited and can be published or otherwise used in any medium. WANT A CHANCE AT $3,000? All you have to do is tell us your thoughts about this issue.* Take the survey at glamour.com/go/marchsurvey to be automatically entered for a chance to win! Contest rules: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter and for full rules, including alternate method of entry: www.eqr1.com/sweeps/cnp.html. Starts 12:01 A.M. ET March 16, 2016, and ends 11:59 P.M. ET March 15, 2017. Open to legal residents of the 50 United States/D.C. who are 18 or older as of the date of entry, except employees of Sponsor, Administrator, their immediate families, and those persons living in the same household. Void outside the 50 United States/D.C. and where prohibited. Odds of winning depend on the number of entries received. ARV of 3 prizes $3,000, $1,000, and $750. Sponsor: Condé Nast. Administrator: Equation Research.
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And Elsewhere in the Glamour Universe… I stumbled across "My First Year After..." in the January issue, and I want to thank you for including "...a Loved One's Suicide." My father took his life last June, and it has altered every aspect of my life. I want to thank Emily for her bravery in sharing her feelings and story. To say a loved one committed suicide is so taboo; it's too difficult for most people. I've lost friends and family who've said my father will be doomed for all eternity. If everyone spoke more freely, like Emily, more people might be apt to seek help, and we could decrease the stigma surrounding mental health issues. —Angela Taylor, Raleigh, N.C.
Un·edited by Justine Harman
Everything we're binge-talking about this month
Where the Red-Carpet Madness Begins Who picks the dresses? Gets every hair in place? Runs the freaking show? Your all-access Oscars preview is here.
year ago, while reviewing the Cannes Film Festival lineup, stylist Karla Welch, left, first noticed the name of Ruth Negga, star of Loving. "I thought, That movie seems cool," she says. "It stayed in my head." So when Welch, 42, a go-to for both Hollywood veterans (Sarah Paulson, Amy Poehler) and newcomers (she dressed Felicity Jones throughout her 2015 Oscar campaign), got the call to dress Negga, it felt like kismet. At their first fitting, Welch, who calls
Photograph by Abby Ross
glamour.com 47
her process "very personal," pulled out a darkly romantic long lace Marc Jacobs number. Negga put it on, "and we were like, yesss," Welch says. Vintage-inspired looks from Valentino, Rosie Assoulin, and Givenchy soon followed. "There's so much intuition in styling," Welch says. And Negga, whom Vogue anointed its "breakout
Busy Philipps in Martha Medeiros "The lacework on this dress brought work to povertystricken areas in Brazil," Welch says."We thought it was a powerful statement."
d e l i a N t! I
red-carpet star of 2016," agrees: "Karla managed to sniff out what stylishness I do have and translate that into something more fabulous." As for their Oscarnight look? "We have a saying in my studio," Welch says. "#NoObviousDressing."
Sarah Paulson in Prada "They sent an image, and I said, 'Send the dress!' It was the only one we tried," Welch says.
h 's e l c ts W of e n i ve m o m f i n d et eh arp b -c s ri e d to u t r e s e -o Th and st
Ruth Negga in Valentino "Funny story: This dress was completely sheer," says Welch, "so my assistant and I took pieces off and strategically reapplied them."
Michelle Monaghan in Off-White "Michelle and I are such fans of small brands," Welch says of designer Virgil Abloh's label. "We loved this take on evening dressing."
Olivia Wilde in Rosie Assoulin "The color, the cutouts—Olivia and I like to say we championed amazing pregnancy dressing," says Welch.
Maintenance It may look low-key, but red-carpet scruff is a lifestyle.
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When Jon Hamm took the stage at the Golden Globes in January, he dubbed the spectacle "Beard Parade 2017." He was right: Everywhere we looked, formerly clean-shaven bros like Bradley Cooper (top) and Idris Elba (bottom) were suddenly sporting rebellious, quit-my-job, Cool Dad bush. "A clean-shaven guy in a suit is quite conservative," says groomer Lucy Halperin, who works with stars like Aaron Taylor-Johnson (center). "The beard gives it an edge." But it ain't wash and go: She uses brow gel for gaps, a toothbrush to tame unruly hairs, and beard wash (like Maestro's, left). Because, hipster undertones notwithstanding, Halperin says, "no one likes an unkempt beard that smells of stale milk." —J.H.
Gold Standard Cheryl Boone Isaacs, far left, and Dawn Hudson outshine five little gold men.
The Academy Will See Us
To the women who govern Hollywood's most prestigious guild, #OscarsSoWhite was an opportunity.
Three newly inducted Academy members on the payoffs of inclusion. Anika Noni Rose (actress, Dreamgirls): "I'm hoping that not only will more films be viewed—and viewed seriously—but also, because of the rooms we'll be walking into, that more films about people of color will be made."
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When the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (finally) announced diversity initiatives last year, it seemed like another old boys' club scrambling to adapt. But according to the women who run the 89-year-old group, the push for change came well before the #OscarsSoWhite controversy. Here, Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs and CEO Dawn Hudson talk about making real change in Hollywood. GLAMOUR: How did the headlines change the way you see your jobs? DAW N H U D S O N : They didn't. The awareness of the need for more women and more people of color behind
Freida Pinto (actress, Slumdog Millionaire): "It doesn't feel that we've been called in just for the sake of diversity. It feels like we've been called in for the sake of credibility and talent. I feel appreciated."
and in front of the camera has been a part of my whole career. We didn't wake up to the hashtag and say, "Oh my gosh." C H E RYL BO O N E I SA AC S: Or "How did that happen?!" These issues have been clear to us for a very long time. It was perfect timing, because now we're able to move quickly with the backing of the whole organization. In [our positions] we have the ability to enhance change we know is important for the whole industry. G L AM O U R : Last year you inducted 683 new voters, 46 percent of whom are female, and 41 percent of whom are people of color. Will this lead to more diverse nominations going forward? DAWN: I want to disabuse the idea that the makeup of the membership, in terms of race and gender, determines the nominations. These are networking rooms. And when you are part of the Academy, you might meet a successful producer or a talented writer. We're creating relationships within our institution that will result, we think, in a more diverse slate of films. But that has nothing to do with voting. The nominations are irrelevant to us. G L A M O U R : So what kinds of films are you, personally, hoping to see more of? CHERYL: Love stories, with older people. Because one can fall in love at any age. DAWN: I love women-empowerment films with historical figures, like Erin Brockovich, Selena, and Frida. CHERYL: We love true lives… DAWN: Women doing great things, as we do. And let's see more female presidents too. —Elissa Strauss
Hannah Fidell (director, 6 Years): "I look at being a 31-year-old female member of the directors' branch as a responsibility. I have the ability to ensure that the films that have moved me, like Moonlight, get the recognition that they deserve." —Jessica Radloff
How We Communicate
Through Needlepoint…
"The more I got into feminism," says 22-year-old London artist Hannah Hill, "the more angry I became that textiles are considered 'women's work.' " Her Instagram, @hanecdote, is full of her meticulously stitched memes with paradoxical observations. As for the work above? "It's a criticism of the pressures from social media to look a certain way, [and] a reminder not to take fashion too seriously," Hill says. Not bad for women's work, eh? —Alanna Lauren Greco, editorial assistant
"I thought the email was a joke," Chicago-based artist Shani Crowe (@crowezilla), 27, recalls of being asked to create a custom headpiece for Solange's recent SNL performance. "But then I thought, I'll be damned if Solange hits me up asking for her crown and I don't have it!" (She had it, and Solange wore it, and it was fabulous.) Crowe, whose "unapologetically black" photo series BRAIDS (including the image of model Erica Franklin, above) occupied the windows of Brooklyn's Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts last fall, says she mastered plaiting for one very important reason: "I wanted to encourage black women who have been conditioned to devalue their beauty to see that they are beautiful and complete." —Concepción de León 52 glamour.com
…and Nails
There's nail art, and then there's #NailsByMei: custom, often 3-D designs by manicurist Mei Kawajiri, above (@ciaomanhattan 2012). Her creations specialize in the absurd—a finger-spanning copy of Pablo Picasso's Guernica and a pink-glitter-specked "F--k 2016" are standouts—but for Kawajiri, 34, who moved from Japan to New York City in 2012, they're essential: "Nails are part of my voice," she says. "If they're blank, I feel like people won't understand me." —Katheryn Erickson, beauty writer
In honor of an issue filled with activism, meet three women who send messages to the world… without saying a word.
The Joy of a To-Don't List
With Obama
Last summer Barack Obama told The New York Times his postpresidential fantasy was "to open a T-shirt shack that sold only one size (medium) and one color (white)." Enter artist Emily Spivack, 38, whose Medium White Tee pop-up shop and installation with the Honolulu Museum of Art launched in January. "It's a thank-you 56 glamour.com
to Obama," she says, "but I also want it to be a respite from decision making for visitors." Can't swing a trip to the Aloha State? Don't worry, Obama won't actually be slinging tees (*cries in a corner*), but you can get one at mediumwhitetee.com ($44, proceeds go to youth programs). —Jessica Militare, editorial assistant
When chief leadership officer Tiffany Dufu found herself overstretched at home, she and her husband created an exhaustive who-does-what spreadsheet. "The most revealing part," she writes, "was deciding which X's should go in the 'No one' column." As in, some pesky household chores, like sock matching, just won't get done. Ever. It's quite simple, yes, but it's also a muchneeded reminder that neither life nor partnership is a zerosum game. (And that I should probably invent magnetic socks.) —Elisabeth Egan, books editor
Fashion Your Spring Look Is Here Walk Wal k the the Wal Walk k Mi he Mic h e l e Ouel hel O uel uellet l let ett ne n eeds eds d no introd int rod oduct od d uct ucction ion on n fo fo r thos thoss e w follo who fo o llo lo low ow her h er e r glo globebe bettro rott ttit ng g liffe on n I nst s agr gram m (@k @ k iss issser s er).) But B t fo f r t se who tho ho do o n't n t?? She e's a m ode d l—a — nd, —a d o h a vin oh oh, vintne tnerr w who ho makkess th ma the m mo o st s d ici del c i ous o ro o sé é uund n d er her h er St. He Helen lena, a, Cal C alifo iforni rnia, ni a, l b el lab la label e Lo Lo enz Lor e a. en a . Yes ess , way! es,
Spoil iler aler t: It's big, as in power sleeves, statement earrings, and platforms.
P o enza Pro en enz n z a S cho ch ule u r d ss, dre s,, ch c h oke oker, k r sho ho h o es e ( oen (pr enzas zas ass cho ch h o ule ho e r.c r om) m. m) Dom Ve Vetro tro su sungl ng asses ngl ass s s es ($295, ($2 95, 5 do o mve m etro mv tro tro o .co com). m Amb mb mber b er e r Sce ce c e ats eats ts e arrin ear rings rin i gs g s ($ ($11119, 9, 9 $ $11 29, 2 29 amb ers am errrs cce cea eaats. e tss ccom m).) m).
Photograph by KT Auleta
See Glamour Shopper for more information.
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Fashion n / Shop the Trends
Define Yourself
Ann Taylor pants ($119, anntaylor.com)
Kaanas sneakers ($119, kaanas.com)
No.6 Store T-shirt ($125, no6store.com)
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& Other Stories earrings ($55, stories.com)
Dia Diane ia ne n vvon vo o Fu ste Fu Fur te e nbe nb b e rg g p an pan pa ants ts ($ $ 5 48, 4 8, d .c dvf .co co o m))
Little Liffner bag ($510, littleliffner.com)
Ulla Johnson pants ($368, ullajohnson.com)
They go low; we go high… waisted, with a paper-bag, fold-over, or lace-up pant.
62 glamour.com CELINE
Sleeve Game Strong Say hey to the t new power blouse. Style Sty le Maf Mafia ia shirt shi rt ($1 ($129, 29, stylem sty lemafi lem afia.u afi a.us) a.u s)
Clare V. clutch ($215, clarev.com)
Tibi shirt ($395, tibi.com)
Merlette top ($280, merlettenyc.com)
Ancient Greek Sandals sandals ($275, shopbop.com)
Topshop Boutique skirt ($170, topshop.com)
Fashion n / Shop the Trends Brook & York necklace ($48, brookandyork.com)
Topshop boots ($125, topshop.com)
64 glamour.com Olivia von Halle alle robe ($975, oliviavonhalle.com)
Mango robe ($100, mango.com)
Abercrombie & Fitch jeans ($88, abercrombie.com)
Fashion n / Shop the Trends
That Robe Life Don't need to sleep on it—we know the leisure look is here to stay. y
Julianna Rae robe ($218, juliannarae .com)
Fashion / The Accessory Edit
Edited by Elissa Velluto
Head Over Heels Not a huge stiletto fan? These are about to win you over. "Platforms can be for the girl who never wears heels," says Ouellet. "They add height without looking too girly."
The most talked-about styles of the season are platforms: studded, printed, fun.
Shoes, clockwise from top (in Ouellet's hand): ASOS ($68, asos.com). Etienne Aigner ($375, etienneaigner.com). Marc Jacobs ($450, select Marc Jacobs stores). 3.1 Phillip Lim ($795, 31philliplim.com). Loeffler Randall ($425, loefflerrandall.com). Alice + Olivia by Stacey Bendet ($425, select Nordstrom). Monse shirtdress ($1,090, Bergdorf Goodman, NYC). Frame Denim jeans ($209, frame-store.com). See Glamour Shopper for more information.
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Photograph by KT Auleta
It's All in the
Fashion / The Accessory Edit
Edited by Elissa Velluto
The trendiest way to turn heads right now? With big, bold statement earrings.
Photograph by Tim Hout
1. Dinosaur Designs ($250, Dinosaur Designs, NYC, 212-680-3523) 2, 3. IAM by Ileana Makri ($75 each, iam -ileanamakri.com) 4. KT Jewelry ($60, bando.com) 5. Isabel Marant ($255, Isabel Marant, NYC, 212-249-2019) 6. Annie Costello Brown ($219, anniecostello brown.com) 7. Eddie Borgo ($250, eddieborgo.com)
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Fashion / The Accessory Edit
Edited by Elissa Velluto
Bucket List Super-structured silhouettes feel fresh for spring. Pair these bags with your denim and daytime dresses!
J.W.Anderson ($1,625, nordstrom.com)
Camelia Roma ($89, camelia roma.com)
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Photograph by Tim Hout
Meli Melo ($635, us.melimelo.com)
Fashion / Double Take
Twice? Nice!
She who rewears wins. At least that's the Glamour philosophy. So we're showing you how to style one piece (something you might already own) two ways. First up…
Uniqlo turtleneck ($30, uniqlo.com)
Topshop Boutique blouse ($115, us .topshop.com)
…this striped jacket. Try it at night with a layered dress, left, and by day with your favorite jeans, right. Easy! Tory Burch blazer ($495, toryburch.com)
Morgan Lane bra ($198, morgan-lane .com) Amber Sceats earrings ($119, ambersceats.com)
Cafuné clutch ($225, ca-fune.com)
Martine Ali bracelets ($125–$150 each, martine ali.com)
Banana Republic dress ($138, banana republic.com)
B-low the Belt belt ($128, b-lowthe belt.com)
AG jeans ($215, agjeans.com)
Kenneth Cole slides ($120, kennethcole.com) Miista Shoes boots ($375, miista.com)
Just Drinks
Got a casual date? Try a turtleneck under a dress and the blazer on top for a chill vibe. 74 glamour.com
Happy Friday!
Up a jeans look with the jacket and heels—perfect for the almost-weekend (or any other day, truthfully!) Photographs by Tim Hout
Pop and Suki bag ($196, popandsuki .com)
Fashion / Style Trial
Outfits for Days
Lacoste trench coat ($620, lacoste.com)
Pixie Market skirt ($82, pixiemarket.com)
H&M sweatshirt ($35, hm.com)
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1 2 3 Monday
I'm a huge proponent of the athleisure movement and love that this sporty hoodie works double duty as a day dress.
I reach for comfy denim and a sweater when I'm home with my dog (hi, Alfredo!). Getting dressed motivates me to get work done.
Transitional weather calls for strategic layering—I'll keep the outfit and shrug the trench over my shoulders when it's warmer.
Photographs by Leslie Kirchhoff
DJ May Kwok (who spins for Estée Lauder, Coach, and more) takes three spring pieces for a weeklong test-drive. Steal her tricks!
Fashion / Style Trial
7 6 5 4 Thursday
I love that denim skirts are back! The reworked style feels really new and fresh but can still go with everything.
When I'm DJ-ing, I need to be comfortable and feel like me but also look professional. My jeans + minimal heel = perfection.
For the weekend, I love the comfort of the hoodie, worn front-tucked with a polished skirt and fun boots. The fact that my hair matches it all is an added bonus.
If you can't tell, I live for a high-low moment. A lazy Sunday outfit of denim and a T-shirt is boss-lady chic with an oversize blazer and heels.
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Go to
glamour.com/fashion/outfit-ideas for more what-to-wear inspiration.
Fashion / Style Your Size Meet Your Match "It was like a first date," says Taylor of her project with Bryant. "Now that we have her measurements, we'll be calling!"
Red-Carpet Revolution Enough with size-2-only B.S. Actress Aidy Bryant and designer Tanya Taylor are making the red carpet a more inclusive place. By Lauren Chan
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"Horny with excitement" is not a phrase that I had heard—just me?—until it came out of Aidy Bryant's mouth when she, Tanya Taylor, and I sat down to talk dresses. Glamour had arranged the meeting between the Saturday Night Live star and the New York City–based designer because Taylor had agreed to make Bryant a dress for an upcoming red-carpet event. Why did Glamour get involved? No high-fashion designer had ever offered to make one in Bryant's size (an 18) before. "There's no conversation happening between plus-size women and designers," she says. "The door is never open." We are ready to change that, and Bryant is too. Her frustrations with fashion are common among celebrities. Her SNL costar Leslie Jones said, in a tweet that went viral in 2016, "It's so funny how there are no designers wanting to help me with a premiere dress for [the Ghostbusters] movie. Hmm, that will change, and I remember everything." (FYI,
See Glamour Shopper for more information.
Photograph by Leslie Kirchhoff
Tanya Taylor dresses (tanyataylor.com). On Bryant: Paul Andrew for Tanya Taylor heels. On Taylor: Paul Andrew heels.
Fashion / Style Your Size Christian Siriano ended up making her a gorgeous red number.) Melissa McCarthy revealed that no one would dress her for the 2012 Academy Awards, despite her asking five or six designers. Hell, even Bryce Dallas Howard, a size 6 (size 6, people!), said she had to buy her 2016 Golden Globes dress from Neiman Marcus. Some celebs have managed to get around the issue by using costume designers as stylists, since they are miraculously able to dress an array of sizes for TV and movies. (Bryant does so with Remy Pearce of SNL.) "I've never shown up to the set of SNL or Girls without having a million options for me to try on," says Bryant, who appears in Lena Dunham's series this season. "They don't bat an eye at my body or how to dress me because they dress all kinds of bodies as costumers." And while she always looks top-notch on
stock sizes above a 14, which many do not. "We would absolutely be willing to broaden our size range, but our retailers only buy up to size 12 from us," says Taylor. Designers who want to solve this issue—and dress the many fantastic actresses, and, you know, humans who are not a sample size—could produce samples in two sizes, say, a 2 and a 14, to make lending a plus-size garment easier. "That takes time, money, and energy," says Siriano, who tackled this for spring. "You have to fully commit." He also managed to land sizes above a 14 in stores. "It's a major up-front cost," he says. "To make a size run up to 16 could mean there's $200,000 to $300,000 tied up in fabric alone. You could go out of business in one season if the pieces don't sell!" The payoff: "We took a risk, and retailers bought up to size 18." And as a last-ditch effort, Bryant says, "there is never a time that I go to a photo shoot without bringing at least six options," a lesson she learned from her worst experience. "I was at a magazine shoot for the new hires of SNL, and I remember getting there with Cecily [Strong] and Kate [McKinnon] and noticing that there were just three things on my rolling rack—each something like what an 80-year-old woman would wear to sing at a funeral. I was para—Aidy Bryant lyzed." Now she hauls separates from her own wardrobe to set, to SNL—highlights include her furry Lil' work with what the stylist brings. "I Baby Aidy look, leather Twin Bed outfit, shop almost exclusively online, from and Adele costumes—there are crickets brands like Eloquii, ASOS, Elizawhen it comes to the red carpet. For that, she and the SNL tailorbeth Suzann, or Rachel Comey, if one of their straight-size pieces has ing team often get crafty and sew two a little extra room," she says. size-12 pieces together to make an outYes, Bryant does the legwork fit. But a sign of better times came at the for beautiful outfits, but it's also 2016 Emmys, when she partnered with to set a good example for her fans. fast-fashion plus-size brand Eloquii to "Representation matters," she says. create a dress, at right. "It was the first "This takes a lot of planning, but time that it wasn't my stylist and me askto me, it's worth the extra effort ing all the favors," she says. "I actually got for the girls who are looking at my to make choices as opposed to having two clothes on Instagram or tweeting options that are junk or junk-er." me to ask what I wore in a sketch." To keep Bryant's momentum going, Oh, and it's personal. "I know seewe asked Taylor to take the reins on the look that Bryant will wear to the Girls ing bigger women looking great sixth-season premiere. It's the first pluswould have mattered to me when I Funny Girls Bryant, wearing a size piece she's ever made, and—fun was younger—that's why I try not custom Eloquii dress, and her SNL costar Kate fact!—it was modeled after the dress she to wear a black dress every day," she McKinnon at the 2016 Primetime Emmys created for Michelle Obama to wear to says. "I feel for the girl I was, wantthe 2016 White House holiday party. "We didn't approach this ing to wear cool clothes but only being able to find retro gowns, any differently than we would with any other custom piece," says full-on animal-print craziness, or sacks. It was transformative for Taylor. "The only difference was not intuitively knowing if the fit me to see girls who looked like me and were killing it. I realized I looked right before Aidy put it on." didn't have to dress like a clown; I could dress cool." Seems simple enough. So why don't designers make plus-size Now what? First, Bryant plans to take this dress to the Girls predresses more often? "Designers don't want to take the effort to cusmiere, and then "wearing it on repeat is a big part of my plan," she says, laughing. But seriously, "I do feel like a door is opening. There's tomize for bigger sizes," says Taylor. "They don't have their usual been hesitation for me to ask to do custom work with designers, but solution of lending a sample." Let me explain: Most dresses you see now it feels doable. And I'm motivated because this dress has a level celebs wearing on the red carpet aren't in stores yet; they're samof quality that is missing from plus-size clothing. I feel unapoloples, fresh off the runway, made for an upcoming season in a size 2 only. Until a full size run of the style is shipped to stores the followgetic when I wear it. It sounds hokey, but it says, 'I'm worth it.' " So designers, get on board! Bryant's final message for you: ing season, that one dress serves as the piece used in photo shoots "Either you're for inclusiveness and diversity, or you're against it," and for celebrities to wear to events. she says. "And being passive means you're against it." Sometimes stylists dress clients who aren't a size 2 in current-season dresses from department stores. But that "automatically takes me out of a circle of A-list quality that my peers Lauren Chan is Glamour's fashion features editor. Follow have," Bryant points out. And it also assumes retailers actually her @lcchan. 84 glamour.com
"I want to look my age, not like I'm the mother of the bride."
Brock Collection
Do You Know These
When I attended one of Laura Vassar and Kristopher Brock's first presentations for Brock Collection two years ago in New York City, I was struck by their easy yet chic pieces; they get that you can be laidback and really love fashion. Now Gigi Hadid, Jennifer Aniston, and Lily Aldridge, right, run to them for relaxed elegance. Here's hoping they venture into menswear so I too can be one of their #BrockBabes. —Noah Silverstein
As a streetwear obsessive, I appreciate that Kith designer Ronnie Feig doesn't just make clothes; he uses nostalgia to create a total experience. I can go into his store and find a surprisingly cool Power Rangers or Coca-Cola collaboration and a full-service cereal bar. Bumping elbows with Bella Hadid, above, second from right, and A$AP Rocky at his fashion shows isn't bad either. —Amy y Hou
4 3 You should! These four buzzy brands have your spring style on lock.
Chloe Gosselin
In a time when sneakers and slides are ubiquitous, I'm glad to see a shoe designer like Chloe Gosselin stand firm with a glam aesthetic. She has an unapologetic approach to creating sexy shoes for women, using texture and embellishments that add to the depth of each style's silhouette. That lace-up back at right! —Elissa Velluto
86 6 gla glamour.com glamou mour.c r com om
Chloe Gosselin pumps ($662, barneys.com)
I first spotted the French brand Jacquemus, as one does these days, on Instagram and was hooked, checking back constantly for pics of Simon Porte Jacquemus' eccentric, eclectic, whimsical French-girl clothes. My first purchase? His modern take on Breton stripes: a navy-andwhite cotton boatneck top that ties at the back of the neck with a muslin bow. And I love his high-waisted trousers for spring, left. Perfect. —Florence Kane
Fashion n / Designer Cheat Sheet
Fashion / Ask an Expert
Keep Your Cool Left: Lyons at the office in mixed spring motifs. Below: Now, this is how you layer for those between-seasons days. J.Crew jacket, $110, T-shirt, $30, shirt, $60, pants, $118, sneakers, $68, all at jcrew.com.
Hey, Jenna!
How can I slowly move winter items out of my closet without boxing them up right away? —Callan Gray, 25, Buffalo, N.Y. Pair them with spring or summer staples! You know: white jeans (those never leave my closet), a white shirt, white sneakers, white sweater—a touch more spring-y in terms of looking forward to the new season, but still warm. There is a caveat, though, and this is personal, but I'm always careful not to do a tic-tac-toe with my outfit, where I'm alternating colors, e.g., black shirt, white skirt, black tights, white shoes. Try half and half maybe, or a continuous vibe—a big swath of one color.
I want to layer like a pro to make more dynamic outfits, but how do I do it in warmer weather? —Liz Coyles, 29, Los Angeles, Calif. Here's a no-fail formula: Start with a lightweight tailored shirt (on the more fitted side) and throw a T-shirt or
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sleeveless shell over it (not under!)—it's unexpected to pair up something that's usually a stand-alone piece. Then add a jean jacket. I even love wearing a little shawl over a long-sleeve shirt. All of a sudden you've got three different textures coming together, but you're not too hot.
What do you recommend as an in-between shoe when it's warm enough to retire your boots but still a little too cold for flats? —Gabrielle Castro, 26, Boston, Mass. A sneaker or loafer is an obvious choice. But actually my secret weapon for this tricky time of year is a pair of superfine heather-gray…socks! They're from a company called Maria La Rosa and are so beautiful that I can wear them with something like an open-toed sandal and cropped jeans. They also work with my more delicate pumps (without adding too much bulk). One year I bought the free world's supply of them at Barneys. They have changed my life.
Sock It to Me Buh-bye, winter boots. The socks-and-sandals look at Maison Margiela.
It's parka season! No, it's crop-top season! It's…transitional weather, and it's annoying. Guest editor Jenna Lyons, president and creative director of J.Crew, has fashion solutions.
Fashion / Designer Crush
The Man Who Loves Women Scottish designer Jonathan Saunders' plan for reinvigorating DVF? Focus on the emotional connection we have with our clothes. By Noah Silverstein
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Photograph by Miguel Reveriego
f you google wrap dress, the first result is for Diane von Furstenberg, the brand. When Diane von Furstenberg, the woman, invented the style more than 40 years ago, she helped women turn a corner in American fashion—not only could they design clothes, but they could create an empire doing it. So it may surprise you to know that the person Diane chose to take over the creative reins of her company last May is a man who was just a baby back when DVF was dancing in her classic Man and Muse designs with Andy Warhol Saunders with at Studio 54. model Maria But if you know JonaBorges, who than Saunders, it makes wears designs a l l t he sen se i n t he from his first world. "For me, the collection for DVF woman is the most Diane von Furstenberg jacket, impor tant par t of collar, and dress this whole thing," he tells me, now nearly a year into his tenure at DVF. "I want to get her excited about clothes." Saunders has a long history of doing just that, having run his successful selfnamed label in London for 12 years, dressing everyone from Madonna to Michelle Obama. He closed his business in late 2015, and von Furstenberg saw an opportunity to recruit the Glasgow-born designer for her team. And Saunders related: "There's a lot of synergy between
GLAMOUR: So how does a Scottish designer,
part of the famously tight-knit London fashion crowd, end up at one of the most iconic American sportswear brands? JONATHAN SAUNDERS: [Diane had] come to my shows in the past, but I met her quite a few years ago with the [British] prime minister—quite a strange place to meet Diane von Furstenberg. I immediately hit it off with her; she's a really interesting person with an incredible way of
Bright Idea Another spring look featuring Saunders' playful mix Diane von Furstenberg blouse, $248, skirt, heels, $378 (dvf .com for stores
ICYMI, Saunders has a thing for accessories too! Meet Cute The icon and her heir: von Furstenberg with Saunders
talking and explaining things. Then years later I got a call and met with her with the understanding that maybe I would come on board. I saw such an incredible potential to do something exciting. DVF is an optimistic brand—it makes people smile. That's something rare in fashion, and it deserves to be celebrated. GLAMOUR: It's true; there's such a history of happy color and print there. JS: Yes, and Diane is such an active person too, which is also inspiring. I think: What's our woman doing on a Tuesday morning? The weekend? How does a look fit into her traveling? Special occasions? Creativity can coexist with something that feels simple, elegant, feminine, and has that sense of ease. It's always humbling to think about the woman and think about how she feels when she wears the clothes. GLAMOUR: How is it different designing in the United States versus Europe? J S : There's a pragmatism in the U.S., which I find quite fascinating. Customers are much more vocal about what they want, why they want it, and how they need their wardrobes to work for them. But people are also starting to have an emotional connection with clothes these days. There are a lot of products and brands, but what I feel DVF can bring is a real emotional connection with what you buy. Clothes that inspire you but don't wear you as opposed to you wearing them! GLAMOUR: So you might, for example, pair an asymmetrical top with a wide-leg pant or a ruffled top with an ankle-length skirt, which isn't always so straightforward. But you make it look so easy! JS: That's the point, exactly. We're not just giving women merchandise but an idea of how to style it—the possibilities. Noah Silverstein is an associate fashion writer at Glamour.
See Glamour Shopper for more information.
Bracelet ($198, select Diane von Furstenberg stores)
Tote ($598, dvf.com)
Shoulder bag ($498, dvf.com). All Diane von Furstenberg
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what I love and the key identifiable features of her brand," he explains. For those familiar with Saunders' repertoire, his love for color and print makes him an ideal choice for DVF. "Not many people have questioned the relevance of me doing this job," he says. With Saunders' first collection for spring—full of asymmetrical dresses, wide-leg pants, and boudoir-inspired tops in clashing patterns and radiant hues—in stores now, he reflects on fashion, living in America, and meeting the woman who'd change his life.
Feeling Extra
Beauty MODEL: MATHILDE BRANDI AT SILENT. HAIR: WARD, MAKEUP: BRIGITTE REISS-ANDERSEN, BOTH AT THE WALL GROUP
Edited by Ying Chu
The Most Fun Makeup to Wear This
GILDED LIPS To get her glimmering style, try Lancôme Le Metallique in Brushed Gold ($22, sephora.com).
Photograph by Patrick Demarchelier
Don't get us wrong: We love a natural look. But we're ready to get adventurous with our makeup—think colorful lids, glitter lips, and multicolor manis. Turn the page and try! By Jennifer Mulrow glamour.com 99
Beautyy / Try the Trends
Glitter Lips
This hi Thi highly hl Instagrammable, I bl if slightly li h l iintimidating, i id i tren een nd is i eaassie ier to to pull off than you might think. For a high-dazzle DIY IY vib be, e, dab b met ettallli lic glitter over gloss. (Trick: Clean up stray flakes kes w with t Sco otcch taap pee.)) GOLDEN SPARKLE
Take your finger and swipe bright shadow across your lids, extending past the outer corners of your eyes. This trend is meantt to be noticed, so go bold!
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Rainbow Nails
Can't pick just one polish at the nail salon? Go with it and choose a few! To keep hands from looking too busy, don't paint the whole nail: Stick to a moon at your cuticles or a stripe at the tips.
Sally Hansen Color Therapy Nail Polish in (clockwise from top) Reflection Pool, Haute Springs, and Pampered in Pink ($9 each, at drugstores)
Maybelline New York Lip Studio Shine Shot Glassy Lip Topcoat ($6, at drugstores)
Crayon-Color Lids MAX MARA V T VIC TOR OR O R IA I A BE BE EC CK KHA KH HA H AM
Urban Decay Liquid Moondust Eyeshadow in Magnetic ($22, sephora.com)
NYX Face & Body Glitter in Bronze ($6, nyx cosmetics.com)
Beauty / Impulse Buy
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Beauty / Girls in the Beauty Dept. 1
4 5
t y t o d ay : O n e s i z e d o e s n ' t
l. fit a l
o say that I'm precise is an understatement. My need for things to be just so extends from how I fold towels to the way I navigate museums (with map and pencil, obviously, to check off rooms). As expected, I'm equally picky when it comes to my beauty products, and since I have skin and hair that changes daily, the custom trend—which allows you to cocktail and create formulations to your own specifications—feels like it was designed for me. Here's how I'm tailoring my routine. For skin: On shiny days I add (1) Cover FX's oil-absorbing Custom Blot Drops ($42, coverfx.com) into my moisturizer, over (2) Skin Inc Custom Blended Serum ($90, sephora.com), which is enhanced with à la carte ingredients chosen for my skin via a lengthy questionnaire. When I'm dry, (3) Clarins Booster Repair ($39, clarins.com) mixed in with my night cream delivers baby-soft skin by morning. For makeup: The right base can be a lifelong search, but (4) MATCHCo My Perfect Complexion Custom Tinted Hydrating Formula ($49, iTunes) blew me away by blending seamlessly after an amusing iPhone scan of my face and wrists. After, I'll set it with a dusting of (5) Shiseido's color-correcting 7 Colors Powder Revival Centennial Edition ($200 for a set of 7, shiseido.com). For hair: (6) ShampYou Juniper + Mint Shampoo, plus the brand's Back to Your Roots SuperSerum, keeps my scalp healthy ($3.50–$10, ulta .com). For fragrance: (7) Byredo's breezy Unnamed Perfume ($230 for 3.4 oz., byredo.com) comes with stickers for DIY-ing a name you choose. Or a dab of (8) Ex Nihilo Sublime Essence perfume oil in Musc ($475, saks.com) under any of my favorite scents makes for a sweeter—and one-of-a-kind—vibe.
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Made for Me
Glamour's Katheryn Erickson tries the new world of custom beauty products and picks her favorites.
Beauty / Love Your Hair Tip: Wind a ribbon halfway down a low pony and tie, below.
"I usually wear my ponytail high—kind of Spice Girls–esque." —Kelsey Lear Lafferty, @kelseylearlafferty
Tip: For a neat braid, left, leave hair slightly damp before styling.
Your Ponytail Lookbook Grab an elastic and go! Glamour staffers show the humble pony's range. By Jennifer Mulrow Tip: Use a rattail comb to make a neat center line for pigtails, right.
"I love a pony for nighttime with a smoky eye or a red lip." —Irene Hwang, @irene_hwang
Tip: Slick hair back with smoothing cream.
Tip: Dress up a low pony, right, with a ruby headband and lips.
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Photographs by Katie Friedman
Tip: A French braid at the nape, top, is a surprising detail.
Beauty / You Asked
Cat Eye, Customized
Graham aces the flick on almond eyes.
by Erin Reimel
— Julia Mix Barrington, 26, @JMixB
The cat eye is one of the most classic looks in the makeup book—and also one of the hardest to get right. As a fellow round-eyed girl, I've had my share of troubles transforming my eyes from doll-like to feline, so I turned to makeup artist Hung Vanngo, who works with everyone from Katy Perry to Ashley Graham, for some tips on customizing the look for a variety of eye shapes. Lesson number one: Practice makes perfect (and a cotton swab goes a long way when fixing mistakes). No matter your eye shape, imagine an invisible line extending from the outer corner of your lower lash line—you'll want your flick to follow that line (about 45 degrees). Then use Vanngo's rules of thumb for different eye shapes. Elongate round eyes by making your eyeliner thicker along the outer third of your eye before extending it out to the wing.
To lift hooded eyes (meaning those without a defined crease), keep the wing short since a long line can make them look downturned.
Since monolid eyes (which have no crease at all) already look slightly lifted and feline, you can extend your wing a little farther for some extra drama.
And if you have almond-shaped eyes like Ashley Graham, above, you have the most wiggle room in terms of the length of the wing and width of your eyeliner. Anything goes, just make sure your eyeliner starts thin near the inner corner and gradually gets thicker toward the wing. To finish, apply a few coats of mascara (like the CoverGirl one at right), giving more attention to the outer corner for some extra catlike lift. Meow!
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Gucci Impact Smokey Eye Pencil in Iconic Black ($32, saks.com)
CoverGirl So Lashy! blastPRO Mascara ($9, at drugstores)
FOR A SHARP LINE L'Oréal Paris Voluminous Liner Noir ($10, at drugstores)
How do I modify the cat-eye look for my very round eyes?
Beautyy / Star
Her entire routine takes five minutes! The singer—and face of Revlon—spells it out here.
e ."
Demystifies Her Whole Beauty Approach Ciara's b
y fa
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HER EVERYDAY LIP COLOR idea is that I apply my makeup so that it looks like I'm not wearing any. First up, I believe when a woman's eyebrows are in place, you have the base for the face; everything is good from there. I've been using Revlon ColorStay Brow Pencil [$7, at drugstores] for years—it's very natural looking. If I have any little dark marks on my skin, I'll tap them with concealer. I don't put on foundation, but I do like a little highlighter under my eyes and over my T-zone. Then I swipe on mascara and liquid matte lipstick. Finally, I put a touch of bronzer around the perimeter, and that's it. It takes only five minutes. Even if you dress up or down, the fresh-face look always works. My soft-skin arsenal: My face can get a little dry, so I rotate between Cetaphil, Eucerin, and Kiehl's [right]. And, of course, I drink tons of water. My beauty icon: My grandma. She was always dressed to HER SKIN SOOTHER the nines. And she would pamper her- "I like that it's gentle enough self. I'm such a tomboy, but as I've gotten for both face and body." older, I think about how she took care of Kiehl's Ultra Facial herself. My thing is, I make sure my nails Moisturizer ($20, kiehls.com) and toes are done. My favorite look on a man: There's just something so sexy about a scruffy beard. It's pretty hot for me personally. I also like when the beard turns salt-and-pepper. Maybe one day my husband [Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson] will have a salt-and-pepper beard. My beauty regrets: Oh my God,
"This looks like a gloss, but it dries matte."
there's a lot of them. I used to wear these superlong spider eyelashes, then would apply my eyeshadow all the way up to my eyebrows. What was that? My beauty outlook: Flaws are embraced rather o than frowned upon. It's this time of realness. Sometimes it gets too real ttoo. [Laughs. [ ] I do think we are living in a more diverse and expressive world. Growing up, I wasn't the most secure about G my body: My legs were too muscular, I was kind of skinny, and I was taller, so I used to walk with my back hunched over. As an adult, I learned to embrace those unique things. The insecurities don't go away, you know, but I think showing your individuality is very important. My beauty namesake: My mom was in the Air Force, and my father was in the military. When she was pregnant with me, he went to the commissary on the military base and brought back the fragrance Ciara by Revlon. She loved the scent but then also really loved the name and was like, "This is what I'm naming her!" When I understood where my name came from, I was really blown away. I n reemember thinking, Maybe I could be the face off Revlon someday. It sounds crazy, but it was on my goal sheet. I'm just thankful my mom put that energy in the universe. HER LASH AMPLIFIER —as told to Simone Kitchens "This is really great for
Revlon Ultra HD Matte Lipcolor in HD Seduction ($9, at drugstores)
extra length."
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Revlon Super Length Mascara ($9, at drugstores)
My five-minute regimen: I like a fresh face. The
Beauty / It's My Thing
dreads gave me time" Tennessee-raised folk and blues singer Valerie June explains how spending less energy on her hair gave her more for her music.
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net dryer. I look like an alien, but it dries my hair in about 20 minutes while I'm watching Netflix. If I'm working on music or other things around the house, I'll put in rollers and let my hair air-dry for about six hours. When I'm performing, I have to pull up my dreads, or they will definitely try to play my guitar—it makes this terrible sound! I was recently on tour with Norah Jones and did all kinds of crazy, sculpturesque shapes with my hair for each show, which was fun. I've had some experiences where people will see me walking with my guitar, and they'll be like, "Oh, you play reggae?" And I'll be like, "No, I don't. I just play what I feel." And they'll laugh and I'll laugh, and we'll move on with our lives. People tend to make assumptions about others based on looks, but it doesn't bother me. More than anything, I get amazing compliments, and I love that. For me, my dreads represent all the time I got back by not spending it on my hair. A lot of musicians begin as children, but I started on my own in my 20s and slowly learned by just practicing 10 minutes a day. I still teach myself that way, experimenting with a new chord or song with tiny bits of time. Before my dreads, I would've spent those moments on my hair. Now I spend them writing and doing things that I find way more engaging than sitting around working on my beauty all day. —as told to Simone Kitchens Valerie June's album The Order of Time is available this month.
've gained back so many hours of life by having my hair in dreads. And what did I do with that time? I learned to play guitar and banjo. Seriously: From age 5 to 18, I wore my hair permed straight, and every two weeks I had to stop whatever I was doing and sit through this painful, hours-long process of having my hair chemically straightened. And my hair is really thick—I could break a comb trying to get through it—so it took me another hour to style it before leaving the house. I was just tired of spending so much effort on it. I first considered dreads because the guy I was dating had them and he showed me how to start mine. I thought, If it doesn't work, I'll go back to a perm. At first the strands were about two inches long, sticking up all over the place—it took six months for them to actually lock. That was the ugly period. I just let them go whichever way, and each time I washed my hair, I would separate the twists again. But about a year in, I really fell in love with them. That was 16 years ago, and I've had my dreads ever since. These days my dreads are very long, and I can wear them in all different ways: I use long strips of newspaper and all kinds of things to create curls without heat. And I leave them down a lot so they don't get worn out, with holes or breaks (they're like cloth!). Once a week I take a long bath and soak and wash my hair with Pantene Pro-V Truly Natural Hair Clarifying Shampoo [$5, at drugstores]. Afterward I'll put oil on it and sit under my bon-
Love Her Locs "On tour, I like to sculpt my dreads and let them be wild," says June, 35.
Beauty / Insight
How to Look Less Tired
…facials for my sleepy eyes By Katheryn Erickson When I was a junior in college, I went to New York City to visit my best friend William. I can't remember how it came up, but I'll never forget turning to him and asking whether I fit in. "No, you're too fresh; you don't have the eyes," he said, pointing to the area a half inch below his pupils. "If you lived here, this would be all dark." Oh. Six-plus years after moving to my dream city, I have the eyes… 120 glamour.com
and then some. If I'm being honest, I haven't looked fully rested since my first month in Manhattan. So when I got engaged and started planning my West Coast wedding (usually between 11:00 P.M. and 2:00 A.M.), I went from looking like I needed a nap to looking like I needed a vitamin-B infusion. I tried an arsenal of serums and creams; I tried exercising regularly. It helped a bit, but my dark circles still progressed from pale lavender to eggplant, and I developed forehead furrows and daylong "puffy face." So I decided to pull out the big guns. On a solo trip to Paris, after a few nights of jet-lag-induced insomnia and a very balanced diet of pastries and savory crepes, I took my tired face to the
Concealer? Facials? Insane amounts of caffeine? Four women try every possible shortcut to looking like they actually got some sleep.
Beauty / Insight Joëlle Ciocco Beauty Center, an iconic institution where very chic ladies like Carla Bruni Sarkozy go to get refreshed. For me, a good facial has always included thorough extractions and some kind of heavy-hitting exfoliant. At Joëlle Ciocco I received nothing of the sort (in fact, I was told that I, like most Americans, exfoliate too much). Instead, my aesthetician, Farnaz, gave my face the most intense deep-tissue massage of my life. Unlike most facials, which focus on the skin's surface, this one aimed to stimulate my muscles and keep my skin from drooping. And it worked: Two hours later (I guess I really needed it), I emerged with face contours I didn't know existed; the darkness under my eyes was less dramatic. The best part? My cheekbones were still a B-plus for weeks. Two months later, though, back in New York, my face was back to its waterretaining self. Some wear their heart on their sleeve; I wear my bedtime around my eyes. So before my engagement photos, I made an appointment to see one of the most storied facialists around, Tracie Martyn. Her roster of clients reads like a nomination list for the Oscars. (While I was there, I legit saw a queen.) Maybe she could restore me to my fresh-faced college self? The main course of Martyn's Red Carpet facial is a microcurrent machine, which does to your face what a Pilates class does to your butt. In the same way that Farnaz massaged my face into order, Martyn used her tools to jolt my muscles into formation, working the microcurrent wand along my brows while electronic patches gently pulsed along my neck, jawline, and cheeks. Every 15 minutes she showed me the progress as my face tightened up. After, I stood in the white-and-amethyst-colored room and stared in the mirror. My face had never looked so sculpted, my brows were more arched (the lifting!), and my eyelids were mysteriously smooth. I left feeling nothing but gratitude. Kate Winslet once had three facials in a week before the Oscars. I get it.
…faking sleep—with makeup By Tia Williams Hi, I'm Tia, and I have devastating, deep, dark circles under my eyes. I'm not exaggerating. I'm dangerously close to Hamburglar territory. In my twenties I embraced them, smudging on kohl liner and skipping concealer ("I'm goth chic!"). But I caught myself in the mirror on my fortieth birthday and realized I no longer looked goth chic. I looked like I had mono. And no wonder: I'm an insomniac, a migraine sufferer, a single mom with a full-time job—and a novelist. I wake up at 3:30 A.M. most days to write, and even though I'm pretty skilled at pretending to have it all together, my hollowed-out eyes tell my true story. After illuminating creams and cucumber masks failed, I needed a more instant fix, and I turned to celebrity makeup artist Andrew Sotomayor. As he masterfully camouflaged, blurred, and brightened my undereye circles, I got it—makeup is my answer. (Fine. Sleep would be my real answer. Baby steps.) Here's what I learned:
Your Look-Rested Tips Start your undereye regimen with a brightening primer. Sotomayor used La Mer The Perfecting Treatment on me—it created a lovely blurring effect and canceled out sallowness. Layer on concealer and foundation—concealer that's a few shades lighter than your skin tone, followed by foundation that matches your complexion. "Painters whitewash walls before they add color to erase imperfections and give the effect of light bursting from underneath," Sotomayor says. Same idea here. First, he tapped the paler color under my eyes with the pad of
his ring finger. Then he tapped on the truer shade "to warm up the skin and bring it back to life." Apply concealer and foundation in a large triangle shape, never a crescent. "Half moons look unnatural!" he explains. He covered my entire undereye area from the tear duct straight down the nose to the nostril, and then back up to the outer corner of my eye. Then he blurred fine lines by buffing with a concealer brush and set the whole area with translucent powder. Brighten eyes with a shadow that mimics your skin color. For my golden-brown skin,
Sotomayor used soft copper shades. They seemed to make my eyes whiter, and they added to my overall glow. Skip heavy highlighters on lids, or anywhere within an inch of your nose area. "The closer shimmer is to undereye circles, the darker they'll appear in comparison," says Sotomayor. "Shift the focus away from dark circles by applying highlighter far out on the cheekbone." Finally, give your brows and lashes some love. To quote the master: "Full brows and curled lashes work in your favor because they distract the eye."
Eye Creams That Really Work
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Dr T E N S . C+ Denn F I N E Co is L I N d rd C re l l a g e G r o E S en am n E ss n i s ($ y g ro 6 5 , e ss . co m)
Ta RE t Cr a Ha F L E C è m rp e T S e( $ 9 r Illum L I G H 5, s T e p i n ati n ho r a . g Ey co e m)
re U R I Fu M i n Z E S ($ 3 tu re e ra l D R Y 8 , s Ey e s B r S K I N il ep h o C re a l i a nt ra . m co m)
Ol O T H E a S Ey y Ey e P U F e R s D FIN o d ru ll e r e p uf E S S g s ($ 2 fi n g to r 5 , e s at )
Av G H T E ed N S O v a Tu D A R la er K ave n i g h s ā ra N E S S d a t ( $ 5 Ey e .co m) 5 ,
The trick: Use them religiously for a month.
…a visit to the derm
By Florence Kane
My six-year-old son has been waking up at 5:30 A.M. for several weeks. This is often just after his little brother, who's 20 months, has finally gone back to sleep since wanting to hang out and party at 3:30 in the morning. And it might be on the heels of my being up till 1:00 A.M., editing fashion content for glamour.com or, admittedly, binge-watching a show—because that's my "me time" these days. This is not to complain about my kids or my life. It's just to say that I'm often very tired! And I look it. I need to preface this by admitting that I'm pretty low-maintenance when it comes to beauty; I don't have a derm on speed dial. I don't exfoliate much. The eye creams in my bathroom cabinet are pretty full. Hell, some days I forget to even moisturize. But mostly I just don't have the damn time. So lately I've been considering something quick and cosmetic. Something at the derm's office. Something like Botox or maybe a filler. I've never really been for or against them; I thought I'd maybe try them someday. Then my husband mentioned casually one day that he had tried Brotox (a version of the wrinkle relaxer marketed to men). I looked closer at his face. His brow furrow crease was gone, and I was jealous. Which is why I find myself one day in Grand Central Terminal, catching a train to Norwalk, Connecticut, to see my sister-in-law Deanne Mraz Robinson, M.D., FAAD, of the Connecticut Dermatology Group. (She was also chief resident of dermatology at Yale.) If I'm going for this, I want to be in her hands. "To help you look more awake, there are a couple of things we can do," Deanne says as I recline in a comfy chair in her office. "Soften these lines that form on the side of and between your eyes when you smile with a bit of Botox"—which relaxes muscles and smooths out lines—"here, here, and here, and in between the eyebrows." (Yes, please!) "And blend the lines under them, the tear troughs, with filler." For me, she picks Belotero Balance, a dermal filler that unfolds wrinkles and plumps the skin. I'm nervous and excited. I have no fear of needles, but I'm worried about looking, well, weird, in that waxy, plastic, Hollywood-red-carpet way. The injections take 10 minutes, and it'll be two weeks before the filler all settles in. At first my face does feel odd. When I laugh, my face feels a little stuck, which makes me laugh even harder. But in exactly 14 days, the funny sensations end. The crease between my brows barely remains—same with the wrinkles around my eyes when I smile. People are noticing ("You look amaaa-zing," says one colleague), but more important, I feel better. I get why people spend all this money (sessions start at $450) and make it a regular thing. And I have no guilt—I am a feminist and I think modern feminism means you have the choice to age how you like. My joy is completely unapologetic. Who knows? Maybe by the time my first visit wears off, I might actually be getting some real sleep.
…actual sleep—eight whole hours of it! By Cristina Mueller
"Are you feeling OK? Do you have allergies?" This is Mary, the lovely woman who runs the shop where I take my dry cleaning. I swear, a kinder, more considerate person doesn't exist in the world, so if she's commenting on my bloodshot eyes and haggard face, you know the issue is real. The issue on the day in question isn't allergies; it's simply a lack of sleep. I'm a chronically tired mother of a three-yearold, and I average six to seven hours a night—sometimes dipping down to five, with an occasional 2:00 A.M. screaming interlude, followed by a half hour spent scrunched into a four-foot-long toddler bed, reassuring the worried party that, no, there is no wolf lurking in the corner. What I'm saying is: Those six hours do not qualify as beauty sleep. So when the instructions for this assignment came my way—get significantly more sleep for a week or more—it took about 0.5 seconds to agree to it. My goal: a minimum of eight hours every night, and if I got less, I had to integrate a nap the next day, no excuses. I got to work immediately. Week one: I loved those damn naps. I realize that's akin to saying I liked eating the ice cream or I enjoyed breathing the oxygen. I also realize that naps are easy for me because I work from home—not every woman can just, like, curl up under her desk midafternoon. But seriously: Naps work. A one-hour nap was eerily similar to getting one of those bignight-out facials. I swear you could see the rest in my face for a few hours after. But by week two, when I'd started to pay off my sleep debt, I was dealing with the vexing consequence of naps: I'd been exhausted for so long that I'd forgotten what well-rested people do to go to sleep, and getting my brain to turn off at 10:00 P.M. felt like a Jedi mind trick I couldn't master. Keeping the naps to an hour helped, as did nighttime aromatherapy. I'd dab H. Gillerman Organics Sleep Remedy essential oil blend on a tissue and take 10 deep breaths: The zoning-out effect was pretty much immediate. And after a couple of weeks on my rigorous napping schedule, my skin was good: I was bright-eyed (really); my sporadic hormonal breakouts faded away; random little red bits and inf lammation calmed dow n. Mar y noticed ("You must be feeling better!"). But, to be honest, I felt kind of invincible—my eyes, my skin, my mood, the whole package. Because you want the ultimate, most effective tip of all time for how to look less tired? Ready for it? Here it is: Be less tired. glamour.com 123
Edited by Sara Gaynes Levy
The Thrifty Girl's Guide to Brunch
ealthwise, brunch has gotten a bad rep for its sugary bottomless mimosas and overpriced omelets. Solution: Have the gang at your place. This menu for four is everything—the total cost of ingredients is less than $30, and the impressive dishes are healthier than restaurant fare. We've even included a timeline for easy prep!
Recipes by Sally Sampson
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Wellbeing / Eat, Drink, Repeat
Spinach Frittata With Indian Spices
Avocado and Mango Salad
Oatmeal Lace Cookies
You can make this easy, f lavor-packed egg dish for only about $5. You can also try it with toasted pita, which adds about $2. Serve leftovers anytime—hot, warm, or cold.
The combination of rich, buttery avocado and sweet, tart mango is dazzling. And it costs about $8.
These cookies are delicate and sweet—and not too heavy for a morning meal. You can make them for as little as $2, and well in advance: The dough stores in the refrigerator, covered, for up to two weeks.
Place the avocados and mangoes in a bowl. Drizzle with lime juice, sprinkle with salt, and serve.
1. Mix butter and sugar in a bowl using a mixer fitted with a paddle (or use a rubber spatula) until creamy. Scrape down the sides of the bowl, add remaining ingredients, and mix again. Cover and refrigerate. 2. Heat oven to 350°F. Place teaspoonfuls of dough 2 inches apart on a baking sheet and smash down a bit (they will spread). Bake until golden brown, 12 to 16 minutes. Allow cookies to rest on baking sheet about 2 minutes, then transfer to a rack to cool. Makes about 36 cookies.
For the garnish: 2 tbsp. whole-milk yogurt 2 tbsp. toasted chopped walnuts or sliced almonds 2 tbsp. unsweetened shredded coconut (toasted, if desired) 1 lime or lemon, quartered
1. The night before, place a 9-inch skillet over medium-low heat and add 2 tsp. oil. Add onion, garlic, ginger, curry powder, 1/3 cup water, and jalapeño (if using), and cook, partly covered, stirring occasionally, until onion is fragrant, soft, and slightly caramelized, 20 to 25 minutes. Let cool. Meanwhile, place eggs, spinach, yogurt, and salt in a medium bowl and mix well. (It should look very spinachy.) Add onion mixture and stir well to combine. Cover and refrigerate overnight. 2. Heat oven to 350°F. Place skillet over medium heat, and when it's hot, add the remaining 1 tsp. oil. Add the spinach-egg mixture and cook until the edges begin to set, 1 to 2 minutes. Transfer the skillet to the oven, cover, and bake until mixture is completely set and no longer jiggly, about 20 minutes. Divide into 4 servings. Garnish each with a quarter of the yogurt, nuts, coconut, and lime wedges. 128 glamour.com
½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature 1 cup sugar 1½ cups quick-cooking rolled oats ¼ cup all-purpose flour 1 tbsp. vanilla extract ¼ tsp. kosher salt
Tomato and Feta Salad It's a classic combo for a reason! And tart feta with fresh tomatoes (about $6) balances perfectly with the frittata. 3 beefsteak or 12 Campari tomatoes, cored and sliced into wedges ¼ small red onion, chopped or very thinly sliced 1 tbsp. red wine or balsamic vinegar 1 tbsp. olive oil 8 fresh basil leaves, julienned ½ cup crumbled feta or goat cheese Kosher salt and black pepper
Sally Sampson is the founder of Chop Chop, a cooking magazine for families.
Brunch Prep Checklist up to two weeks before: Mix and chill cookie dough.
the night before: Prep onion and egg mix.
the morning of: Bake cookies.
one hour before: Make mango salad.
45 minutes before: Make tomato salad.
Place tomatoes and red onion in a large shallow bowl and sprinkle with vinegar, oil, and basil. Add cheese, season with salt and pepper, toss, and serve.
30 minutes before: Cook frittata.
3 tsp. coconut, olive, or vegetable oil, divided 1 large onion, finely chopped 2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced 1 thick slice fresh gingerroot, peeled and minced 1 tbsp. curry powder (or more to taste) 1 small jalapeño, minced (optional) 8 large eggs, beaten 2 cups baby spinach or chopped flat-leaf spinach leaves 1⁄3 cup whole-milk yogurt ½ tsp. kosher salt
2 ripe avocados, peeled and cubed or sliced 2 ripe mangoes, peeled and cubed or sliced ¼ fresh lime, squeezed ¼ tsp. kosher salt
©2017 S.C. Johnson & Son, Inc. All rights reserved.
Wellbeing / Health Report
We Should All Be Meditating Suze Yalof Schwartz explains—and gives you a how-to you can try today.
Anyone Can Do It And I mean anyone—even if you think meditation is boring; even if you think you'll be "bad" at it; even if you're convinced you could never sit still. There's no law that says you have to sit there frozen. If you have to shift, adjust, sneeze, or scratch an itch while you're meditating, do it. If you're worried it will be boring, I'll level with you: When you start, it might feel boring. You're just sitting there. But soon you'll experience longer and longer blissful gaps between thoughts. That's the sweet spot you're shooting for. Also, it's not about being "the best" at meditating. There is no winning in meditation. You're not practicing to achieve anything; the process is the practice. It's kind of like a biceps curl. You keep doing the same thing, and you build strength. Then, when you're out in your everyday life, that mental muscle is ready to work
Suze's Starbucks Meditation Try this the next time you're in the coffee line: As you're waiting to order, focus on your feet. Put all your attention on how they connect to the ground. Slowly take a step with your right foot. Land with your heel, then roll onto the ball of your foot. Slowly take a step with your left foot 130 glamour.com
the same way. Notice how your weight shifts and your body and knees propel you forward. When you order, look into the eyes of your barista and smile. She's going to smile back—that's a connection! Then, after you pay, walk mindfully to the waiting area. While you wait,
stand and connect with your breath. Don't reach for your phone! Bring yourself back to the present, letting other thoughts go. When your drink is ready, pause and really feel the heat or chill of it in your hands. Breathe in the scent. Sip it, savoring the taste. That's it! You meditated!
for you. And amazing things can come: better sleep, a stronger immune system, less stress, and increased productivity.
It Does Not Have to Be Long "I'd love to meditate, but I don't have the time." I can't tell you how often I've heard that. And you know what? You won't find the time. You have to make the time. But even 10 minutes can make a difference. You can do it while you're getting your coffee! (See below.)
It Helps You Get Sh*t Done Studies have shown that regular meditation makes us more functional and productive. I've definitely found this to be true. I used to wake up, jump out of bed, and slam into my to-do list. I would react to everything that came my way, then collapse into bed, only to do it all over again. These days I meditate before I get out of bed—I lie there and do my 15 minutes. Afterward, I pause and map out: What do I want to achieve today? I'm in charge of my time, not at the mercy of everything that comes up minute to minute. I get more done because I don't get sucked into worry spirals or lose hours doing things that don't serve my goals. I used to live in panic mode. Now I'm in productive mode. Adapted from Unplug by Suze Yalof Schwartz with Debra Goldstein.
ack in 2010 Suze Yalof Schwartz wa s the go -get ting fa shion editor-at-large here at Glamour, where she basically shopped for a living ("the dream job," she says). Now she is the founder and owner of Unplug, a meditation studio in Los Angeles. How'd that happen? When she and her family moved to L.A. seven years ago, she soon became a meditation superfan: "I was stressed, and my mother-in-law said, 'Close your eyes and count your breaths.' I opened my eyes and I thought, I feel totally calm. And she said, 'You should learn to meditate.' " But when Yalof Schwartz tried, all she could find were long, intense courses. "I thought, Where is the Drybar of meditation?" she says. "And then: I should open one!" In her new book, Unplug: A Simple Guide to Meditation for Busy Skeptics and Modern Soul Seekers, she details how she found her Zen.
Yalof Schwartz in her L.A. studio
Wellbeing / Health Insight
"I get orgasm headaches" Never heard of 'em? Sit down. Alana Massey will explain.
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Once we eliminated underlying cardiovascular or neurological conditions, one possibility was left: headache associated with sexual activity, or HSA. This condition (yes, an actual condition) affects about one percent of the population, though the number may be higher, since people may be embarrassed to tell their doctors. It's also significantly more common in men. My neurologist told me I could consider taking medication—beta blockers daily and painkillers before sex—to prevent the pain. Another neurologist explained that these kinds of headaches will often go away on their own. Since I'd had only two orgasms— both solo—medication seemed like an extreme solution. And then my doctor gave me the most important advice I could have received: "If it starts to hurt, tell your partner to stop." It was obvious, of course. But I thought back to the discomfort and disorientation I'd experienced
or the first 28 years of my life, I had zero orgasms. This didn't bother me as much as it seemed to bother my partners, each of whom was convinced that he would crack the code. (Never happened.) Then, in the summer of 2014, while I was masturbating, it did happen. Though it was hardly the Pegasus ride through a fireworks show that I'd been led to expect, it felt pleasant indeed. For less than a second. Then—wham—I was overcome by skull-crushing agony. The pressure felt like trying to birth an infant through a single hair follicle. Black spots blurred my vision. I took three Advil and tried to sleep. Hours passed. I resorted to Klonopin (which I occasionally take for anxiety). When the headache was gone and I had my faculties back the next morning, I figured it had been the result of clenching my teeth during masturbation—I'd had headaches, though nothing that severe, after sleeping with my jaw ground tight. I wasn't eager to repeat that experience, so I went back to business as usual, masturbating and having sex without orgasms. Then, about six months later, I orgasmed again, as a result of my own handiwork. The symptoms rushed back, this time with more intensity. I consulted my primary care provider, Dr. Web(MD), who gave me several diagnoses: a tumor, a cerebral hemorrhage, a brain aneurysm. I was terrified, so I scheduled an appointment with a neurologist. The doctor I found looked no-nonsense in her profile photo—I thought she wouldn't make me feel self-conscious about the fact that I'd only had two orgasms. Still, she asked three times whether it was only during sexual activity that the headache occurred. "Unlucky girl," she joked, and sent me for tests to rule out a pulmonary embolism.
About one percent of people get headaches from sex.
Wellbeing / Health Insight
"I'm not defective; it's the responses to my body that have been."
in the past when sex got good; the likely reason I'd never orgasmed with partners was that I'd felt preheadache symptoms building. I must have stopped things based on a subconscious knowledge it would hurt. Now I was armed with an explanation for why I didn't orgasm. I had a condition I could tell my partners about. But when I brought it up with a man, often he'd still try to make me come—to prove, I assume, that he could "cure" me. More infuriating than that were guys who were convinced I was making it up. On at least three occasions, when I saw a man after explaining my were out of the equation. diagnosis, he'd say, "So I goo(And I get that: Even with the "Ugh, relax about the gled that orgasmic headache orgasm thing!" preaching I thing, and it's real!" That my do, I would be concerned if I account of my own suffering wasn't giving him orgasms.) was considered less reliable I told him to trust me, and I than a search engine was probecame more willing to say foundly hurtful. and do things to let him know Yet I was even more disI'm enjoying sex. heartened by the people who That trust has been great. saw this as a tragedy. Some It developed a mutual intufr iends insisted I should take the prescriptions, just ition about our bodies that "If I Didn't Care Whether I Orgasmed, Why Did They?" Sex without orgasm is still really freaking good, says Massey. to have them on hand. I felt was so good, he gave me bad for their sex lives: such my f irst par tner-induced a lack of erotic imagination! Such a narrow view of intiorgasm. Like clockwork, every nerve ending on my head lit up. I melted into the bed, emptying the room of sexual macy, that one biological response is the only measure of energy. Crying from the impact, I saw a reaction in him satisfaction! If I didn't care whether I orgasmed, why did that I hadn't encountered from other men: empathy. When they? And while I understand the expectation that a man he saw the pain that orgasms caused me, he didn't look should be able to make a woman come, a better benchmark insecure. He looked like he cared. would be a man listening to what a woman wants, not tryMy boyfriend and I have found so many other ways to ing to prove his prowess by racking up his orgasms-given satisfy each other. He doesn't want me to take drugs that count. It's not one-size-fits-all when it comes to pleasurcould make me sick just so he can induce a reaction that ing a woman. There is plenty of intimacy and sensation to could cause me pain. He trusts me when I say that I'm be had without orgasm. (About one third of women don't enjoying sex, and he stops when I say stop. It is the most even come when having sex with a partner. We wouldn't be sexually and emotionally gratifying relationship I've ever having all this orgasm-free sex if there weren't great things had. I'm not defective; it's the responses to my body and to be said for it!) sexuality that have been defective for so long. Maybe the In the six months that followed my diagnosis, I accicondition will subside, maybe not. But I don't need to hold dentally gave myself two orgasms. (Whoops.) Splitting my breath for a miracle cure. headaches followed. When I met the man who is now my boyfriend last year, I told him early on about the condition. Thankfully, he didn't doubt it was real, but he was conAlana Massey's first book, a collection of essays called All the Lives I Want, is out this month. cerned about how he might be a good partner if orgasms
Headaches aren't the only unusual side effect of having an orgasm. A few other issues, from minor to downright bizarre, that can strike as a result of hitting a high note:
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Abdominal pain Cramping is pretty common, says Portland, Oregon–based sex therapist Kate McNulty. If it happens to you, flag it for your doc, since it could indicate an underlying condition like an issue with your pelvic floor.
Temporary memory loss Women with this rare condition, transient global amnesia, may not be able to remember having sex; luckily, symptoms usually last only a few hours, and memory gradually returns.
Postsex blues For about 5 percent of women, an orgasm brings on intense sadness. (And one study found as many as half of women feel blue at least occasionally postclimax.) The emotions usually pass in a few hours.
Sneezing or runny nose For some women, an O can cause olfactory senses to overfunction, says sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D. It's called honeymoon rhinitis and may be a reaction from your nervous system. —Korin Miller
And Speaking of Orgasm Ailments…
You're a Beautiful Flower Now make sure your partner knows that too.
How to Be Yourself in Love and Sex Coupling up—and all the compromising that comes with it—can make it hard to "just be you." So take notes from these women! By Jen Doll Look, sometimes it's difficult to be yourself, despite all the inspirational memes out there telling us to try. Even harder? Being the authentic you when you're searching for sexual and romantic fulfillment. After all, how do you hold on to the unadulterated, no-holds-barred you
when you're putting your best—and, OK, maybe not completely honest—face forward on a date? Or when you're focused on putting your own needs aside for the good of the whole? Women around the country told us how they're keeping it real in relationships.
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Life / You, Me, We "I tried brutal honesty."
"I quit the dating game." I kept finding myself in these situations in which dudes would play games with me, be absolutely uninterested in being monogamous, ghost me, play hot and cold—so finally I decided to quit dating. It was just this sense of: This is not what I want to participate in! Why continue to do something that was hurting me? I had spent so much of my life performing—trying to be fun and chill and engaging—that allowing myself to stop all of that felt like stepping outside and taking a deep breath after you've been trapped in a stuffy room for three hours. I don't know how long this will last, but right now I like both myself and other people more this way, and I feel more optimistic about everything. —V.W., 26, New York, N.Y.
"I gave up casual sex." I used to give guys the benefit of the doubt: If they made a comment or gesture that was impolite or demeaning to me or women in general, I might let it slide. But then I met up with a guy one night—we'd hooked up and had sex before— and this time he tried to get his hands in my underwear in a semipublic area. This isn't something I am inherently against (hey—to each their own), but he did it in a forceful way without asking if I was OK with it. I found it so disrespectful that I really, really regretted ever sleeping with him. I decided that I didn't want to feel that way again. Now I don't even consider certain kinds of guys—ones I meet at bars after midnight or certain men on a dating app— anymore. I've recalibrated myself. This doesn't mean that someone has to be a capital B boyfriend before I will have sex with him, but I am going to demand more from any guy I sleep with. Now, if a guy doesn't want to spend a little time getting to know me, if he doesn't treat me and my body with respect and kindness, that's a pretty good indicator that I'm not going to introduce him to my vagina. —L.G., 25, Los Angeles, Calif. 138 glamour.com
Love Thyself Other people loving you this much is also good.
"I explored what felt right for me." After a long-term relationship ended, I was excited to explore different parts of my sexuality. There was so much to do that I couldn't with my previous boyfriend: group sex! Threesomes! Sleeping with girls! So I met this couple on Tinder. We scheduled a meet-up, and none of us had any expectations that this would be more than one night of fun and sex. But to our surprise, we just clicked—our common interests, our sexual chemistry. So we kept seeing one another. Then I turned 31, and I was feeling a pressure to find a boyfriend to round out my thirtysomething existence. But no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn't clicking with the guys I met. And then I realized: This couple was the best relationship I've ever been in. They treat me with respect, love, and tenderness, and tell me that they adore my mind just as much as my body. I never thought I'd be in a poly/group relationship; it doesn't resemble anything I've seen in my own life. It's scary going off the beaten path to forge something great, but embracing this right now feels the most true. —A.H., 31, Brooklyn, N.Y.
"I decided to be the change I wanted in my husband."
I've been with my husband for eight years. A couple of years ago, I decided I wanted a more fulfilling, affectionate, and rewarding relationship with him. But to achieve that, I had to change first. I started pouring out love, omitting condescending remarks. I focused on the good he did, not the things he didn't do. It didn't change things overnight, but he eventually began to treat me the same way, and today we have a much more loving, connected relationship that we adore. —Lauren Hamilton, 28, Nashville, Tenn.
In my relationships I always used to follow a mantra of "agree to disagree" on everything from politics to more personal issues. But I realized those values and beliefs are essential in my relationships and decided to bring them to the forefront of my conversations and look for someone on the same page as me. I even made a list of values and qualities on which I would not compromise—like being honest, spontaneous, kind, open-minded, self-starting, passionate. About the same time I'd matched with a man on Tinder, and we chatted on the app for a couple of months. I was starting to get impatient because he hadn't asked me on a date, so finally I said, "I'm going to delete your number if you don't ask me out." When we went on a date the next day, I made all the plans: We started at a gay bar near my place (what if he didn't believe in gay marriage? My future child could be gay!), and I insisted we split the bill. The date lasted more than six hours, and we talked about everything from religion to abortion—on the first date! We've now been together for two years and have the most healthy relationship I've ever had because of our honesty with each other. —Meredith Dean, 24, Charlotte, N.C.
"I stood up for myself in bed." I'm a bartender at a restaurant, and I slept with a pretty, young delivery boy. The first time we had sex, I was still finishing my period, and he didn't even skip a beat. I thought, Amazing—he has a constant erection and accepts the female body! So I went down on him with enthusiasm. The second time, he asked me to do it again. I'm an adult, so I voiced a festering thought: "I don't really want to go down on you if you're not going to go down on me." I cringed while I waited for the words to land. (I'm an adult, but I'm still insecure.) His reply: "Oh. I don't really do that." For a moment I fantasized: I will train this boy to give the best cunnilingus the world has ever received; I will shape women's—and men's—futures! Except that trying to change a man takes valuable energy. And that violates my cardinal rule: Never waste energy on a guy. I'm happy I spoke up, because I'm done talking to him. Next! —N.M., 30, New York, N.Y.
In the end it usually shakes out that one of us will say, "Wanna have sex later?" My partners have all been happily on board— there's less guessing and less chance of rejection when he knows I'm in the mood. I feel happier and sexier being confident enough to say what I want out loud to a partner. And he's happy he's making me feel good. —Laura, 30, Oakland, Calif.
"I'm treating everybody like a human. Everybody." The world is cruel, and social media can add to that. It's easy to fire off an angry comment or swish past a person on a dating app, but there are real people behind each post. I've adopted a no-ghosting policy, even on social media. If I decide someone is not for me, I say so, kindly. I don't even dismiss racists (I used to just ask for the check if someone said something untoward). Recently I went out with a person I realized is best described as a racist-who-can-be-saved. I didn't slam down my drink and leave but engaged him for over an hour, pushing back with info, statistics, data—light. By the end he said I'd changed his mind about a lot of things. He said he realized he needed to know more. We parted with a hug, and I left with hope. —Sarah, 33, New York, N.Y.
"I decided I could do it on my own." I mounted a television on the wall myself. I don't think I will ever need a man ever again. —Amina, 31, Brooklyn, N.Y.
"I gave up on the fairy tale for my own happy ending." "I realized I was worth more." We're taught that first comes love, then marriage, then the baby. And I've always known I wanted to be a mom. But at 41 I still hadn't found the right guy. I was beginning to pursue IVF when I met someone. He was great and we dated for three months, but it was clear he wasn't ready for kids on my time frame—and I couldn't wait. So I had to make a hard choice, and I ended things and moved forward with fertility treatments. It took a while to mourn the fairy tale and choose this different path, but it's been really freeing to not have the pressure of, Am I going to meet someone? Is it going to work out? If some rom-com plot hits me across the face, I'm pretty amenable to opportunities. But for me, at eight months pregnant, the relationship I'm excited about the most is the one with my son. —C.P., 42, Decatur, Ala.
"I learned how to say exactly what I want in bed." When I was 18 or 20, I felt like sex was all to please the guy I was with, not me. And at the beginning of those early relationships in my twenties, at first I'd be very into sex and wanting to have it most days, but then I'd realize I was staying up too late or drinking too much. Finally I figured out how I like sex best, and instead of feeling guilty, now I tell my partner how and when I want it: not at night, when I'm exhausted; sometimes scheduled (not on a calendar but might as well be); quick (no foreplay); and in the most guaranteed-to-work way possible (mostly me on top). I always say it in a casual and positive way.
It was a great meet-cute: I was a staffer on the Hillary Clinton campaign, utterly exhausted at 1:00 A.M., making my way through the balloons on the convention floor last summer. I looked up and saw this totally my-type guy looking at his phone. We ended up going out until six in the morning and started dating steadily. I couldn't wait until the election was over and we could spend some real time together. But when the holidays came, he told me he'd decided he wanted to spend New Year's at his friends' house, alone. I wanted to be patient and not rush him but also knew in my gut this was nowhere near good enough. I can't invest time in someone who is so ambivalent about having me in his life. Breaking it off was really hard, but it freed me up to plan my next moves as though I were single. I spent a few weeks in California, planned a long trip to Asia—something I'd been planning before we met but had held off on confirming in case he could join. You know, I started my career in television, and when they didn't want to actually fire you, they'd offer you a contract at half your salary with limited opportunity for promotion and fewer benefits. We would say, "They made her an offer she had to refuse." This was the relationship equivalent: Let's keep dating, but with even less of a commitment than we started with. It's a hard lesson to swallow, and even harder not to take personally. But at the end of the day, it's the same as a contract negotiation: I'm worth more. —S.A., 40, Reston, Va. Jen Doll is the author of Save the Date: The Occasional Mortifications of a Serial Wedding Guest. glamour.com 139
Life / The Provocateur
It's totally normal for you and your S.O. to have crushes on other people, argues Anna Breslaw. So can we not freak out about it?
ric* and I first became friends in college. He was cute, but he never occurred to me as a viable romantic option. First, he'd been with his girlfriend for years. Second, I knew his type (shiny-haired, preppy, rosy-cheeked) enough to know that I was the polar opposite (anxious, Jewish, anemic). Five years later I was settled in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend, Mike, when Eric popped back into my life. Over drinks he told me he and his girlfriend had broken up. Now I was "taken" and he was single, and I saw him in a way I hadn't before. As I walked to the bar to get us our zillionth round, I could swear he was checking me out. It had been ages since I'd felt that kind of electricity with any guy—including my boyfriend. I was supposed to feel guilty. I once believed what Disney had fed me, that if you find your prince, all the other attractive men around you disappear. Right? When friends in serious relationships would confess to hav ing a work crush, I'd pretend to understand but judgmentally think: If you're still noticing other dudes, you're not with the right one. Turns out, it's not binary like that. Mike and I have a great relationship, but I've learned that even when you find The One, you do not receive a pair of special soulmate goggles that turn every other sexy man in your proximity into a stalk of cauliflower with eyes. In other words, I realized, I like-liked Eric—and if I hadn't been dating Mike, I'd have tried to hook up with him in a hot minute. We started doing things every week or so. Hanging out with him was like being on a really great third date without the jittery getting-to-know-you convo or the high stakes of "Will we sleep together?" We'd part ways, and I'd get to go home and watch Netflix with Mike. I told my friend Julie about this, and she was skeptical.
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Always a Flirt Why, asks Breslaw, give up harmless fun?
"OK, what is going on with that?" "Nothing. We're friends." "He's so cute. You're really not interested?" I had to think about that one: "Define interested." Eric is interesting. Yes, he's cute. And I discovered we did have some similarities: He's a writer, like me, and sensitive, and tends to overthink things like I do. We have good chemistry and understand each other, but I don't actually want a boyfriend like Eric. I want a boyfriend like my boyfriend: stable, calm, supportive, and good in a crisis. And I would never cheat on Mike. Because here's the important part: Crushes and love, I've come to see, have nothing to do with each other. One's about a deep connection with someone you know inside and out. The other is about having fun fantasizing about someone you don't really know who's probably more interesting in your head than in real life. I get it—for some people who are tempted to cheat, having someone like Eric could be like an addictive drug that slowly pulls you in and tears you down. For me, it's more like baby aspirin, or the thing your grandpa takes for his blood pressure: vital, healthy, and safe. But only you and your partner can decide where your boundaries are and when you've crossed them. That, of course, is rule number one of safe emotional cheating. Rule two: Make sure the third party doesn't have deeper feelings about you than you have about them; otherwise they may make a move. Rule three: You have to be honest with your long-term partner about your crush, and accepting about theirs! (Fair is fair; Mike has his crush too.) And finally, because you and your partner know your relationship better than I do, remember rule four: Make your own damn rules. Anna Breslaw is a writer living in New York City. *Name has been changed.
In Defense of Emotional Cheating
Life / The Story of Us
Our Relationship, in Pictures Almost four years ago Amirah Kassem knocked on her neighbors' door; Ross Harrow answered. Now they're getting married. Here's how it happened!
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AMIRAH KASSEM (29, BAKER): One day when my Internet was down, I ran to my neighbors' to use theirs. I didn't know they had moved out, and Ross answered the door. We became best friends after that. He would come over every day to play guitar while I was baking, or we would hang out on the roof (1). He wouldn't admit that he had a crush on me, but he did, and I noticed he has the prettiest blue eyes (2). The most awkward part of going from best friends to dating was telling our friends—they thought we were joking!
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Now everyone calls us Romirah because we do everything together and are really silly in photos (3). ROSS HARROW (27, SMALL BUSINESS OWNER):
A year and a half into dating, I moved to Philadelphia for a few months, which was really hard. I realized Amirah was the most important thing in my life. It's like people say: When you know, you know. So I started to plan my proposal. AMIR AH: It happened over brunch; I was so shocked, all I said was, "Are you kidding me?" Afterward we got ice cream (4). With
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Ross I feel like I can do anything. About a year ago, he jumped into a photo shoot I was working on (5), and we saw that there were so many things we could do together. He's helped me with my work, and we're about to open Flour Shop bakery together, which is a dream come true. ROSS: We're planning to get married in Mexico, where Amirah is from (6). She makes me see the best in everything. I used to be the person in the corner at a party, but she draws me out and suddenly I'm having fun in the crowd (7).
Life / Crowdsource This
My boyfriend of four years doesn't want to move in together or get married yet. I've tried talking to him about it, but his excuses don't quite add up. How do I get him to tell me the real reason he's reluctant to take the plunge? —S.P., 31, Westlake Village, Calif.
"It's crucial to know where he stands, because you're ready to move forward. Explain that. If he steadfastly refuses to offer any coherent reason, that's how he's expressing his doubts about the relationship. The harsh truth is that a man can know that he doesn't want to marry you but still want to date you indefinitely. If you know you want to be married, stand up for that. Don't waste years on a guy whose indecision makes you feel insecure." —Heather Havrilesky, author of How to Be a Person in the World: Ask Polly's Guide Through the Paradoxes of Modern Life
"This probably has more to do with him and his issues than you as a partner.
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Not every relationship has question marks like yours. I thought I was going to marry an ex who put me in a similar situation that made me second-guess myself. My new relationship feels so much easier; I'm not afraid to ask tough questions, because my partner and I are on the same team. It sounds as though you may be on a different team from your boyfriend. So maybe the question to ask yourself is: Are you ready to move on?" —Alexandra Fiber, comedian and cohost of the SRSLY web series
Ask if there is something else going on, and don't take it personally. Keep the conversation short, and know it may take a few discussions because men tend to process things much more slowly when it comes to relationship stuff. Moving in together is a big deal! Maybe suggest trying it as an experiment for six months or so, to see how it goes. Or even find a month-to-month lease; if it doesn't work, you'll have a better idea of how you want to move forward. This isn't something you can force; if you feel like you need to, maybe this isn't the right time or the right relationship."
"You're entitled to push back on his excuses at this phase in the relationship. Say, 'I need to know where your head is at. I'm being straightforward with you; all I ask is for the same in return.' To get him more open to talking, focus on the things that are working. Have the conversation in a relaxed setting, and a sense of humor helps! And never underestimate a guy's capacity to be oblivious: He could think you two are in a great place, so be explicit about how important this is to you before resorting to a quasi-threatening breakup talk."
Not pictured: How these two decided to jump in
—Jeff Wilser, founding editor at The Plunge, a wedding website for men
Want your sex and relationship questions answered here? Email them to email@example.com.
—Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., relationship and sex therapist in Kauai, Hawaii
"After four years, what could his excuse possibly be?
Life / Working It
(The Big)
As snow turned to slush on a Saturday in late December, 12 strangers gathered at Glamour's offices to take on a loaded issue: the gender pay gap. For two decades, Glamour's Salary Survey has looked at what women in various fields earn across the country. But on this, its twentieth anniversary, we wanted to see how women's pay compares to men's. 146 glamour.com
Are women really lagging behind? So we asked 12 gutsy women and men in similar jobs, with similar titles and levels of experience, to come clean about their earnings. It wasn't easy—most Americans would rather reveal their sex secrets than their salaries. But we found six pairs willing to be brave: two software engineers, two data analysts, two social
media managers working in public relations, a duo in sales, a couple of cashiers, and a pair of graphic designers. All the participants wrote their salaries on large cards. Then we asked each pair—on the count of three—to flip their cards over. "Boom," said Simi, a sales executive, when she saw her counterpart's salary. Kelli's mouth froze for a split secPhotographs by Winnie Au
Six men. Six women. Similar jobs. Who makes more? And how can you beat the odds? On the 20th anniversary of Glamour's annual survey, our exclusive report here. By Liz Brody
Eric and Kelli, both graphic designers: They work in similar jobs at different companies, but when they revealed their cards, Eric was making $21,500 more. "Talking about salary is so taboo," says Kelli. "But I think I deserve more."
ond before she laughed; Rose looked like she'd been punched in the face. In the silence afterward, you could feel the tension. Nurul, one of the data analysts, looked around at the cards. "Almost all of us women," she remembers thinking, "have the lower salary." That may not be a huge surprise. The so-called gender wage gap has been mak-
ing headlines for 50 years; corporate giants like Apple and IBM have pledged to address it; Ivanka Trump, at the Republican National Convention, even promised to fight for equal pay. The statistic widely cited is that women earn only 82 cents to a man's dollar—a discrepancy that would make anyone angry. But when you're looking at the black-and-white numbers of
your salary compared to a man's, as our volunteers did, this policy issue becomes suddenly very…personal. But back to that 82 cents. Some critics of the whole pay-gap idea argue that the figure is misleading, and they have a point: It means simply that when you take the median annual earnings of Americans working full-time, women
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Life / Working It make only 82 percent of what men do, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. But that overarching average doesn't account for the numbers of hours on the job, education, experience, the fact that women tend to work in lowerpaying fields, and all kinds of other particulars that impact a person's salary. "Some liberals are using this statistic to get across their political agenda of more regulation in the workplace," charges one of the critics, Karin Agness Lips, founder of the Network of Enlightened Women, a group that promotes conservative ideas on college campuses. Yet a number of detailed studies have recently proved there are glaring disparities in many occupations, especially in high-paying, male-dominated fields like finance, insurance, and medicine. One report, in the Journal of the Medical Association, found that female doctors at public medical schools with the same experience, volume of patients, and number of papers published made $20,000 (or 8 percent) less per year than their male counterparts. Other research, looking across professions, has found differences ranging from 9 percent to 2 percent. And just 2 percent can translate into a huge financial setback: For a woman earning today's average wage, it would result in
$59,000 in lost income over the course of her career—not to mention lower retirement and Social Security benefits. Even Lips agrees: "We all want equal pay for women." So how do we get there?
and 147). Coakley guessed that Eric was making more "because of tenure and the fact that he graduated two years before her." She's right. But when we shared the actual numbers—Eric's $62,500 to Kelli's $41,000, Coakley was taken aback. "[KelWho Makes More? li's] seems really low," she said. "She may just be underpaid." Because the factors that go into a perNext Coakley reviewed Lisa, 24, and son's salary are complicated, Glamour Joseph, 25, software engineers at investworked with Jamie Coakley, managing director of Betts Recruiting, one of the ment-related companies (page 156). Her top-rated headhunting firms in New prediction? "She went to an Ivy League," York City, to help us assess our pairs. Coakley said. "I would vote that she makes Without meeting them, she drilled down more." Actually, Joseph does: $120,000 to to the deta ils of each Lisa's $115,000, a salary participant's Linked In she got only after negotiprof ile to say what she ating up from an original or he should make. "A offer of $80,000. (More recruiter's favorite game," on negotiating later.) C oa k le y say s. (To be Coakley moved on to The amount of income the Danilo, 35, and Rose, clear, although our pairs average woman loses over her 46, both responsible have similar professional lifetime if her salary is just for media relations: backgrounds, and jobs, 2 percent lower than a man's he at an energy utility in the same geographiand she for tech clients at the PR agency cal area, they are in no way a scientific where she's a senior account specialist sample. Also, Glamour has no reason (page 156). "Just because of her five years to believe that any pay disparity exists at IBM and two years at CA Technolobetween men and women at the separate companies they work for.) gies, I would argue she makes a lot more," said Coakley. "But I'm scared to hear Coakley started with Eric, 28, and your answer." And here it is: Rose makes Kelli, 25, graphic designers in marketing $70,000 and Danilo is at $114,000. for different media companies (pages 146
Shadajah and Aaron, cashiers: She's at a beauty store, he's at a café where he also earns tips, which makes their pay about equal. Either way, it's not enough, says Shadajah: "Something's gotta give."
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Life / Working It "Wow," Coakley said. "You may be onto something." And finally, the data analysts—Nurul, 31, and Julian, 26 (page 154). She's at a financial services company and he works in the social media space. Coakley pointed to a number of reasons—experience, education, company tenure, a senior title—why Nurul should be making the higher salary. Again, no. Her $98,000 is $7,000 short of Julian's $105,000. "What?" said Coakley. "She has her master's! She worked a year in Malaysia." There were two more pairs: one paid by the hour with take-home about the same, and our last duo—the only case where the woman outearned the man. "This is making my blood boil," said Coakley.
How the Pay Gap Starts
The Glass Ceiling Effect Another reason the pay gap grows over time: Women face more challenges moving up the ladder, and when they do advance, says Hegewisch, "promotions don't always come with the same payout as men's." In a survey of 1.8 million workers, and accounting for factors like experience, education, and company size, the salary site Payscale found that even after starting with similar titles, by age 35 to 40, men are 25 percent more likely than women
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Close the Pay Gap Ready to advocate for yourself? Behold, our crash course.
Get your prospective employer to say a number first. For a new job, "the most important thing is to deflect questions about your salary expectations and your salary history," says Deepti Gudipati, who helped launch Work Smart, a program of the American Association of University Women designed to empower women in negotiation. If the interviewer presses you, Gudipati suggests saying, "I'd rather focus on how I can help the company move forward before discussing salary," or "I'm curious what range you're working with for this position." If you absolutely have to name your price, give a range (research a realistic one at salary.com), with your target at the bottom.
Remember: It's not a battle.
Make it about them.
"Even when you feel like you don't have leverage, you do," says Gudipati. "By the time you're at the negotiation stage, you've been through your interviews. They want you." Adds Jesse Rauch, a senior program manager at Work Smart, "One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming they are walking into an adversarial situation. Think of it instead as a conversation about how excited you are to sit down with your employer to discuss your future, so everyone is happy."
Whether you're negotiating an initial offer, a raise, or other benefits like flexibility, phrase your ask in terms of how it will help the company. ("I'll be more productive because of x," or "it means I could also do y for you.") And though it sounds obvious, practice: Rehearse saying what you're good at, why you're uniquely qualified for the position, why you deserve the salary or benefits. Do it in front of a mirror, a friend, your cat. Repeating the words builds muscle memory, Gudipati says, and the confidence you need to go in there and make your case. Good luck! —Concepción de León
You might look at someone like Lisa and think: She's 24, a software engineer with a six-figure salary; what's the big deal if she earns $5,000 less than Joseph? Things will even out, right? Wrong. "The best knowledge we have now is that for a man and a woman who graduate from the same class of university and go into the same field, the wage gap right out the door for her is 7 percent," says Ariane Hegewisch, program director for employment and earnings at the Institute for Women's Policy Research, a Washington, D.C., think tank. "And that disadvantage is likely to grow every time she changes jobs because typically her new salary is based on her last one." By the time a woman reaches her mid forties, the average pay gap has increased to 23 percent, according to government data. (To counter that trend, Massachusetts, in a first for the country, passed a law prohibiting employers from asking job candidates about their past salary.) Rose, who at 46 earns nearly 40 percent less than Danilo, regrets not advocating for herself more early on. "Women have to realize their worth and not be afraid to express it," she says. "That's my big takeaway."
to hold management roles and 85 more likely to be vice presidents or C-suite execs. Tracy Chou, 29, a software engineer and cofounder of Project Include, which pushes for pay equity and diversity in the tech industry, says often the barriers are invisible. "Some companies will say, OK, men and women at this level are getting paid equal. The question then is, are they all given the same opportunities to change levels? I've seen this in engineering, because to move up, you have to work on the kind of projects that showcase your abilities, like managing complex systems and coordinating with Nurul and Julian, data analysts other teams—and those assignNurul is at a financial company and has more education, experience, and tenure than Julian, at a ments tend to go to people who social media firm. So is she paid more? Nope. fit the manager's mental model of someone who'd be good, which is not always a woman." Chou first shook up Silicon Valley three born in Ecuador and emigrated at age 10; income women affected the most. That's years ago when she was a star at Pinterest she's the daughter of Jewish parents who partly the result of time out and missed and challenged other companies to release were forced out of Egypt. Both were among hours, according to research by Claudia data on their numbers of women engithe first in their families to get college Goldin, Ph.D., an economics professor degrees. And both are parents: Danilo has at Harvard who followed women with neers (about 260 have so far). "A lot of it a five-year-old son and another boy on the M.B.A.s and found that even mothers comes down to perception," she says of the way, and Rose, who split from her husband who took short maternity leaves saw their promotion gap. "I used to have stuffed anifour years ago, is also raising two boys, now wages decrease sharply three to four mals at my desk because tech companies 12 and 14, the younger of whom has special years after the birth of their first child. are playful. But I realized people didn't needs. "After my second son, I took about Other studies point to outright bias: take me seriously. So I replaced them with two years off, and even though I freelanced When Cornell University researchers my circuit textbooks. Even though they and networked and kept up on the indussent résumés for two fictitious appliwere irrelevant, I started getting seen as being really hard-core." cants—equivalent in every way except try, I felt like I had to start all over again," Lisa, our software engineer, agrees. "I that one was a mother—to 638 employers she says. "Ten years ago, when I worked at totally do that, like bring Android security who'd posted job openings, the childmajor corporations, I was making more textbooks I would never read to my desk." than I am now, but I had to take a step back less women received more than twice as Adds Rose, "I'm actually going to point into a smaller company closer to home." many callbacks as the moms. In similar out what I don't have on my desk: Pictures She expected Danilo to make more than experiments, evaluators recommended of my kids." And that captures the gender her $70K salary. "But seeing that actual salaries for mothers applying for posipay gap's biggest accelerant…. number?" she says. "$114K? Like, what?" tions at $11,000 less than for non-moms. All kinds of research shows that mothRose says she's experienced that kind of attitude. "I've seen men in my indusThe Mommy Penalty ers take a wage hit. A study from the University of Massachusetts pegs it as Rose and Danilo, our pair of social media try move up and I haven't, even though a 4 percent penalty per child, with lowI was so much more qualified," she says. specialists, have a lot in common. He was
A History of the Pay Gap
Women have fought for wage equality for more than five decades. Yes, we're closer—but so not done. 154 glamour.com
Women earn 59 cents to every dollar men earn. That fact fuels the passage, in 1963, of the Equal Pay Act, which prohibits employers from paying women less for the exact same Taking it to the work as men. streets: In the 1970s, the gap gets worse.
The wage gap grows: Women earn 57 cents to the male dollar. Yvonne Craig, as Batgirl, makes a PSA where she refuses to rescue Batman unless she gets paid as much as Robin. Robin agrees, saying, "Holy discontent!"
In a landmark case, the Supreme Court rules that female prison guards in Oregon should earn the same as male guards. By 1983, women earn 64 cents to the male dollar.
Life / Working It
jobs, "a pay gap can make the difference between living above and below the poverty line," says Hegewisch. Shadajah can't imagine life long-term like this. "To be on a cash grab for five, six hours a day standing on your feet," she says, "something's gotta give."
The Color Barrier Simi, 27, one of our sales executives (left), was born in Nigeria and went on to attend private school in the United States, study biomedical engineering in college, and start a foundation to design solar incubators for developing countries before landing her six-figure job at a large tech Simi and Tony, sales executives firm. (Somewhere in there she In sales, earnings depend on your success, and comparing the packages from their two firms, was also a beauty queen.) But like Simi is ahead. "I worked with a negotiation coach," she says. "Best investment ever." Shadajah, she's statistically likely to face a bigger pay gap than her peers: African American women working full-time earn 12 percent less times and continuously (for example, pay"When I got pregnant, I was taken off than their white counterparts, even with projects, wasn't included in meetings. It ing a 70-hours-per-week employee more the same education—and make only 66 was incredible." than twice what they would pay him or her cents to every dollar white men earn, Even more incredible? When men have to work 35 hours)—a key factor in today's according to a report by the Economic Polkids, their earnings tend to increase. All pay gap. "I want to be there for my daughthree of the studies found a daddy bonus: icy Institute. Hispanic women make even ter, who's four, if I have to bring her to the Employers see fatherhood as a sign of staless—58 cents—government figures show. doctor, but I make up all that time by work(Race affects men too; Hispanic males bility, responsibility, and ing at night," says Nurul, make 69 cents to the white male dollar. commitment, the researchwho performs her data "I've felt a bias," Danilo says. "Like if my analyst job from home. ers conclude—but don't feel name was Jim, I would have a higher title.") "And I don't think compathe same about motherhood. "When people see this name on a "I'm not even thinking nies should expect people résumé," says Shadajah, "you can tell about children," Shadajah, to be there at a certain time, How much women's salaries who I am. My professor, a woman of a 23-year-old cashier at a as long as the job is done." color, said, 'Maybe you should put Dajah. beauty retailer (page 148), decrease, per child. Dads get Shadajah needed flexia 6% increase on average. Don't put Bronx. Put New York.' And it's told the group. "I don't have bility because she's going to so unfortunate, you know. But I'm like, the money for that." school for an M.B.A., so she You're gonna get me for me." Simi is more got a job that pays $12 an hour. Her counpragmatic: "If you want to climb to the terpart, Aaron (page 148), makes about the Flexibility, Flexibility top, you kind of have to conform. That's same working the register at a busy café for Another key reason mothers' salaries take the way the world works." $11 an hour plus tips, while trying to grow a a dip? The need to work from home or In fact, for young black women with food-truck business. Their side hustles may control their hours. In many professions, college degrees, the wage gap has grown help them eventually earn a more livable Goldin found in her research, employers since 2000. "We tried to look at pay. But for many women with low-wage place a premium on working at specific
1996 The first Equal Pay Day, on April 11, is set 101 days from the beginning of the year to reflect the extra time women must work before their wages equal men's, since women earn 72 cents to the male dollar.
2009 As his first act in office, President Obama signs into law the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act (named for a woman who took on Goodyear Tire but lost), making it easier to challenge wage discrimination.
2015 Patricia Arquette uses her best supporting actress speech at the Oscars to call for equal pay for all women; she later says the remarks cost her roles.
2016 Women make 82 cents to the male dollar. Ivanka Trump departs from the Republican platform at the party's convention to promise that she— and her father—will fight for equal pay.
2018 Are we there yet? The Massachusetts Pay Equity Act will take effect, making it illegal for employers to ask about salary history. "It's terrific," says activist Evelyn Murphy, former lieutenant governor of Massachusetts. "But we all have to keep fighting!" glamour.com 155
everything that could explain the difference—education, experience, location, occupation—but even considering all those factors, there's a disparity," says study author Valerie Wilson, Ph.D. "Every way we slice the data, discrimination is still there." Simi knew those stats before the salary showdown with her white male match, Tony (page 155). And he's formidable. A year older, he works in sales at a tech platform. But when they f lipped the cards, Simi's number—a package worth about $140,000—trumped Tony's at $120,000. "Boom," she said quietly. "Curve ball," he said back.
The Way Forward Simi's success isn't an accident; she has fought hard to get ahead and was willing to share her secret sauce with the others: "I worked with a negotiation coach," she revealed. "In my previous job she helped me gain $20,000 on the initial offer; and in this one it was maybe $10,000. Hiring her was a really good investment." A new study in the Harvard Business Review shows that while women are 11 percent less likely to negotiate than men, when they choose to go for it, half the time they get a better offer; in our own poll of 300 women, 71 percent of the women who asked for a raise said they got it.
Lisa and Joseph, software engineers She makes less at her company than he does at his, but he puts in more hours. "I fought for my salary," she says, "and I'm super glad I did."
Rose and Danilo, digital marketing and social media managers Rose has more corporate experience but is at a smaller firm. And she may be affected by what researchers call the mommy penalty. 156 glamour.com
"My coach taught me that if you say, 'I have great communication skills' or 'I'm a team player,' nobody cares," Simi says. "You need to tell a story, an anecdote of something specific you've done. She also said that if you start with small talk at the beginning of the negotiation conversation, you have a much better chance of being successful. Another big part of negotiation is asking for a lot of things that you don't even want. Because they'll go, 'Fine. We won't give you this, but we'll give you that.' " Lisa, the engineer, had her own story: "When I got my initial offer, I was like, 'Ooh, I think they're lowballing me.' I scoured the Internet for advice and was super nervous. But the fact that I came in, a girl right out of college, and asked, 'How many options will I get? What's the strike price? How many total shares outstanding are fully diluted?' I wasn't even 100 percent sure what it all meant. But they were like, 'Holy shit, we can't mess with her now.' And when they added $20,000 to my offer, it was a huge win. I was like, 'Yes, I can do this!' " Everyone in the room that day was fired up, agreeing that we have to talk more openly. "All the hesitation I had [about revealing my salary] was swept away because this is such an important conversation," said Eric. Tony too: "I got a very tangible sense of what I don't have to think about—class, gender—when I walk into the office. So now, how do I change it for other people? Talking about it definitely helps." Nurul came away inspired by the other gutsy women. She went home and told her husband, "What if I say something at work [about a raise]? Are they going to fire me for being demanding? I don't think so," she recalls. "Lisa and Simi are much younger than me, and they had the courage to do this. To hear them? It was awesome." And Shadajah, who will graduate in June, is about to start her career with a whole new vision. "I'm so motivated," she says. As a girl of six and seven, she revealed, she'd spent two years in a homeless shelter. "I used to think if I could just get $30,000, that would be the most money in the world. But to be in that room, seeing people who make six figures, and so young? It meant everything." She pauses. "I really walked out with, It's possible. And it's possible for me." With reporting by Jessica Militare and Maggie Mertens
Life / Working It
Talk GRIMES AND BARLOW : COURTESY OF SUBJECTS
Going the Distance "It's been a marathon!" says Tiffany Grimes, far left, with Dade Barlow today.
"We keep choosing each other" A couple fell madly, deeply. Then they got married—and that was just the beginning of their unusual, unforgettable love story. As told to Liz Brody
iffany Grimes and Tiffany Barlow grew up nearly a thousand miles apart—one in a remote Arizona border town, the other in the shadows of the Sierra Nevada mountains. They would find their way to each other, and to a peaceful life in a sunny house surrounded by fruit trees and organic garden beds in rural Oregon. But it took a pilgrimage that only they
can describe—starting with Barlow, known now as Dade. DADE BARLOW: We were really poor during my childhood, and I was raised with my older sister as a Jehovah's Witness, which to me felt very brainwashing, very controlling. I was caged off from the rest of the world. And although my wedding at 18 wasn't an arranged marriage, it felt close to one.
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Talk / Going Deep TI FFA N Y G R I M E S : My hometown is 300 people in Calaveras County, California. I had boyfriends, went on prom dates, all very traditional; if there was a gay character on TV, my dad would turn it off. I met my future husband at Southern Oregon University. We went out for five years but broke up because I fell in love with a woman—I thought it was her, not that I was gay. And after dating for a bit, I wanted to get back with my ex. We married when I was 27. But eventually I came to realize, "I think I am actually gay." And he was like, "Yeah, I think you are too." Although divorce was really hard and sad, it was also the best thing for both of us. DADE: As much as I didn't want to get married, my husband was my best friend for seven and a half years—I still see him. But at 25 I knew the pieces in my life were wrong, and I needed to just clear the puzzle off the table and start over. One of those pieces was that I had an attraction to women. So I got divorced, left the religion, left my family and friends, and rented a townhouse in southern Oregon, where I wanted to run my electrical engineering business. TIFFANY: I've always had a great relationship with my family, but when I came out to my parents, it was a really big thing. TRAVIS GRIMES, TIFFANY'S FATHER: Quite a curve to catch. BARBARA GRIMES, TIFFANY'S MOTHER: We were taught homosexuality was dirty, sinful. But the night Tiffany sat down at the dining room table and shared that she was gay, I was surprised at my reaction—I just wanted to put my arms around her and let her know that this would not divide us. TRAVIS: At first Barbara and I both thought, Maybe we can help change her back. But we decided it's not a choice; it's who you are. And we love our daughter. DADE: Tiff and I met in August of 2008 on Craigslist. TIFFANY: Before the site was creepy! DADE: I was in this new town and had zero friends. So I put an ad on the Strictly Platonic section that said, "I'm 26, I'm not a freak, I just want someone to go on a hike with."
her helmet and just kissed her. And that was that. We pretty much have been together ever since. DADE: People would call us TNT [for Tiffany and Tiffany], but I got so f-cking tired of "Yes, our names are both Tiffany." One day I said, "We're not doing this anymore," and without any thought, I picked a new name, Dade, from the main character in the movie Hackers. TIFFANY: I moved in with Dade in a hot minute. We started talking about children, and suddenly I could see having a baby with this person and really wanting that. New Year's Eve of 2009 I proposed. I got the rings and read a poem I'd written and— DADE: I said yes. No question. Tiffany and Dade wed on September 4, 2010, at Agate Ridge Vineyard in Eagle Point, Oregon—although legally it was a domestic partnership because the state hadn't yet recognized same-sex marriage. Not long after, the couple was channel-surfing and stumbled on a Netflix documentary about a transgender man. DADE: And then I got on the Internet. Growing up I'd never even heard the word transgender. I barely knew that people were gay, you know? Watching the documentary gave me the words to articulate what I had always secretly known. As a child I'd felt like a G.I. Joe playing dress up. And I made statements like, "I am a boy." My sister and I were close, and I could see she was so comfortable in her body; it was part of a beautiful cycle of life, but I knew that wasn't what my body should be doing. I loathed the way it moved and jiggled, when I ran or even brushed my teeth—it was supposed to be solid and muscular and stringy. The incongruence made me feel slimy. It was just…incredibly wrong. TIFFANY: Even with us, there was no talk about periods. Dade was so uncomfortable with that kind of stuff. DADE: We'd been married maybe six months when I tried testing the waters and told Tiff I wanted to become more masculine. She immediately saw the squirrel in the tree and went, "What are you saying?" I was like, "Oh, nothing." I wasn't willing to give up my new life with her in order to transition, so I tried to ignore it. But once that seed was in there, it was like I'd finally unearthed the truth and I couldn't push it away. About six months later we met at a restaurant for lunch, and I basically told her, "I am transgender—" TIFFANY: Your typical lunch conversation. DADE: "—and I need to find out what it means for us." Tiffany's eyes have a way of turning into blue-fire slits, and they were aiming right at me. She pretty much said, "I am not on board. Not at all." TIFFANY: I felt like, You gotta be f-cking kidding me. I unraveled my whole life of being married to a man to be in this scenario with you. And now I want this life with you as my wife, of being two moms having this child together—because by then I'd already gone through several rounds of intrauterine insemination with a sperm donor—and you tricked me. DADE: She kept saying, "You lied, you lied," louder and louder, making a scene. And I kept saying that I didn't. Because I hadn't; my life had been a kind of war zone until I fell in love with her. In a way she enabled me to finally feel safe enough to be me. TIFFANY: After that, Dade would try to convince me: "I'm already masculine; I'm just going to go one more little click over." And I'm like, "No, that's a big click." I was thinking, How do I tell my family this? How do I fit this into my world? I really had only one friend I could talk to.
"I stood by [our tree] and just sobbed. It was like my wife had died." TIFFANY: I was trying to get together a southern Oregon women's hiking group. And I loved the straightforward dry humor, so I was like, "Not a freak? Come on!" We emailed but never connected. Then, later that summer, I'd broken up with my girlfriend, and there was a "Lez Get-Together" bowling thing, and Dade was there. When I first saw her— DADE: You're gonna talk about the tight jeans, aren't you? TIFFANY: Yeah, you were really sexy. Here was this hot little dyke electrician with a motorcycle who was superintelligent. And kind of shy. There's a small pool of lesbians in southern Oregon. I'd been swimming, and I was like, "I'm getting this fish. This is mine." DADE: It was the first time I had gone out after my divorce. I was drawn to Tiff because—I was given no other choice! [Laughs.] She just filled up the space with her energy. And I liked that. TIFFANY: Our first date was a hike. She was super introverted. So we'd go to the mountains or ride on her motorcycle. She wouldn't make a move. So finally one day when I got off the bike, I took off
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EMILY MINAH, TIFFANY'S FRIEND: At the time the whole transgender issue was new to me too, so I was researching. And I noticed that people who shared their stories had often wanted to leave their old lives behind and begin again as the man or woman they transitioned to. So my concern was, Is Dade going to want to do that? Could this be the end of their relationship? TIFFANY: There were six to nine months when Dade and I weren't talking about the transition idea. I was assuming it was all going away. Then one of us would bring it up, and we'd realize we were still as polarized as ever. And then we'd start drinking, and it would just get ugly. And I'd get to "How could you do this to me?" DADE: I'd take that and hold it dear. Like, I am just a piece of shit. TIFFANY: I came to realize this was not going away. And so we— DADE: Started talking about divorce. Things were so bad I got to where I felt there was no option other than to commit suicide. At that point I was absolutely alone in the world. I had only Tiff—I gave up everyone else when I left my religion. And she wasn't into a transitioned me. I was ready, equipped, and seconds away from ending my life. And I don't know why I didn't do it. But something stopped me. TIFFANY: He didn't share this with me at the time. But I knew we were at an impasse. Dade could only see what the transition meant for him, and I could only see what it meant for me—sacrificing my dreams of having a family, community, and acceptance. And, not that there was any logic to it, but I still had shame about divorcing my ex-husband. I felt that leaving due to being gay would somehow be invalidated by now being with a man. And then we found this amazing counselor, Audrey, who has done a lot of work in the trans community. D R . AU D R E Y LE H M A N N , TH E I R TH E R A P I ST: I see couples like Tiffany and Dade all the time. It's incredibly painful for both parties. Sometimes, one of the hardest parts for a partner who identifies as lesbian is that, because of the transition, she'll be seen as straight by the world; the same is true of a straight woman who will be seen as gay when her husband transitions to a female. In my anecdotal experience, the odds of breaking up are about 40-60. TIFFANY: There was one particular exercise that Audrey did, where I just had to listen to Dade without translating what his words meant for me. DADE: That was a turning point. Audrey made me say what I had to: "I need to transition, regardless of what that means for our relationship." I hadn't been able to say that before because I didn't want to lose our marriage. TIFFANY: That's also when he told me about his suicidal thoughts. I finally was able to understand that this was a life-or-death scenario for Dade. He couldn't stay in this situation he was in. I had been on this battlefield of "Go away, you evil force who's trying to take over my wife. I will fight for her." After that, I looked around and it was like, there's nobody here except me—I am just fighting me. Outside our home we have a huge cedar, our tree of life. I went and stood by it and just sobbed. It was like my wife had died. She was gone. That was transformative. Once I let her go, I could say, "OK, let me wrap my brain around this."
Having barely made it to their first anniversary, the couple went to vacation in Lake Tahoe in November 2011. During the trip, they came to their second turning point. TIFFANY: I'm not one to sit on the fence for too long. After putting down my sword and grieving the loss of my wife, during that week away, I looked up and (continued on page 210)
Dade & Tiffany: It's Complicated They both grew up as girls named Tiffany… From far left: Dade (formerly known as Tiffany) Barlow at age six in Arizona; Tiffany Grimes as a six-year-old in California. They didn't meet until 2008.
…they got married twice… Dade, above, wed a man at 18. Tiffany, right, married a man she met in college. But they both later divorced. And after meeting in Oregon and falling in love, Tiffany proposed, and Dade said yes. They had a ceremony in 2010, below right.
…make that three times. Dade began transitioning to a man and had top surgery in 2012, above left; that same year Tiffany was pregnant, below left. And in 2012 they remarried as husband and wife.
One Happy Family Now their daughter, Zane, four, knows the whole story. "Daddy was born in a girl body with a boy brain," she says.
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Talk / The Conversation
Every Woman Is an
We all have things we care about. But where do you start? Four passionate female change-makers take on four hot-button issues. By Mattie Kahn
The Environment Eighty-three percent of Americans consider climate change a "serious problem." But Aidan Ferris, global crew director of the youth-led activism group Earth Guardians, says most of us find the issue overwhelming. "People always say, 'I'm just one person—how can I make a difference?' " she says. "If we all thought, I'm just one person and I can make a difference, so much would be done." Her two-step plan: 1. Buy a reusable water bottle. It means less pollution, fewer greenhouse gases, and less energy wasted. Says Ferris: "Over 80 percent of water bottles are not recycled, meaning they end up in landfills and in the oceans." 2. Shop smarter. According to the World Wildlife Fund, it takes more than 5,000 gallons of water to produce the cotton needed to make a single T-shirt and pair of jeans. Buy clothes that last, and when you're ready for new ones, donate instead of tossing them (bbbsfoundation.org offers free pickups). "When we do this collectively, huge changes can happen," Ferris says.
Small Acts of Bravery
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"There is a crisis, but there are also solutions," says Shannon Watts, who founded the gun-reform organization Moms Demand Action the day after the Sandy Hook shootings. "We're not going to stop all homicides, but we can significantly reduce them if we pass certain laws." Her first order of business: closing the "boyfriend loophole." Though Watts says "90 percent of Americans" and "74 percent of NRA members" support background checks, people convicted of domestic violence can still buy guns in 35 states (as long as they were never married to, lived with, or had a kid with their victim). This gap in legislation matters: A recent study found that nearly half of the mass shootings in 2016 were due to intimate-partner violence. Want to fight it? Call your local state representative (openstates.org is a good resource) and insist they eliminate the gap in protection. Says Watts: "The bills that come up in state houses are as—or more— meaningful to women's lives."
The Woman Who Spread Love
The Neighbor Who Gave Away Books
"I was eating a burger at a diner in Texas when the guy in the next booth started complaining about his 'disgusting' gay nephew. Instead of getting angry, I paid for his meal and signed the receipt, 'Happy holidays from the very gay, very liberal table sitting next to you. PS: Be accepting of your family.' Since I uploaded a picture of the receipt on Facebook, I've been getting messages from all over the world saying thank you. That gives me hope in humanity." —Natalie Woods, 31, Denton, Tex.
"After the election I found myself drawn to the writings of the activist Jane Jacobs, who thought neighborhoods were complex, living things. So I set up a book giveaway on my stoop, complete with a stack of The Death and Life of Great American Cities. I made the deal that if someone took one, they had to pledge an act of community service. I just caught up with one of the takers: He organized a performance to raise money for homeless youth in the Los Angeles area." —Oscar Boyson, 32, Brooklyn
Gun Violence
Women's Health Care Emancipated from her parents at age 15, Michele Bratcher Goodwin discovered "at the time I could get health care only if I were pregnant or had kids," she says. "What a perverse system that is!" Now a scholar of reproductive health law at the University of California, Irvine, she has a proposition: "Women should run for office or encourage other women to. It might seem big and lofty, but it makes a huge difference," says Bratcher Goodwin, whose research has found that states with the fewest female legislators have the most restrictive reproductive health laws. "Until women are a more active part of the political process, including being in office, women's basic fundamental interests will be trampled."
Racial Equality "The problem with conflict is we go into situations with our own perspectives and beliefs," says Bernice King, Ph.D., above. "We're more focused on getting our point across than we are on seeking to understand another person." Here the CEO of The King Center and daughter of Coretta Scott King and Martin Luther King Jr. schools us on the art of finding common ground. 1. Start talking. Have uncomfortable conversations about race, class, and violence. "We're trying to fix this in a day," King says. "It's going to take a lot longer. It's going to be fixed through real, organic, engaging relationships and being intentional about that; that's how perspectives change." 2. Read up: "I'm a little biased—I'm a proponent of my father's writings," King says. (Start with Where Do We Go From Here, which "provides a blueprint for how to deal with some of the issues we face now.") 3. Retweet the good. King calls on women to share success stories: "There's no shortage of bad news, but people need to feel a sense of hope."
"If we all thought, I'm just one person and I can make a difference, so much would be done." —Aidan Ferris The Artist Who Made a "Welcome" Sign
The Mom Who Flipped the Script
"A friend who worked with Muslim women at an adult-literacy class in the Bay Area told me the women felt afraid to leave the house. So I created these posters [right] and made them available for free online [micahbazant.com]. It was my way of helping. Now I get photos from across the country—Montana, North Carolina—showing others putting them up. One thing an artist can do is help people imagine how the world could be different." —Micah Bazant, 43, Berkeley, Calif.
"On a recent bus tour with my family in L.A., the guide was dismissive of women, calling Mila Kunis a 'baby mama' and Jennifer Garner a 'little lady.' So afterward I politely asked him to stop using those words in his well-rehearsed spiel. It's my opinion that Hollywood's most powerful women deserve to be spoken about in more respectful terms. The guy was surprised but agreeable. And if nothing else, my kids saw that their mom refuses to pretend small verbal assaults are harmless." —Elisabeth Egan, 43, Montclair, N.J.
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Express Yourself
We've got pages and pages of proof that when you do—with your makeup, your clothes, or your beautiful, big, bold voice—good things happen. To you and the world.
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Work Your Look What's on-trend? Doing you. Model and women's advocate Adwoa Aboah puts herself out there in spring's most daring looks. Photographs by Robbie Fimmano Fashion editor: Jillian Davison
Think Big When it comes to style, Aboah, far left, says hers tends toward "over the top." She loves this billowing pink look because it's "comfortable but chic." From left: Céline dress, booties; Jennifer Fisher earrings, $645 for pair; Falke tights, $48. Céline dress, booties; Jil Sander earrings, $290; Wolford leggings, $49.
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Let It Shine If you're going all out, really do it! Match the bold impact of an eccentric outfit with blinding jewels and a feathery something. Prada top, shirt. Marni earring, $800. Love her bronzy shadow? Try BareMinerals Brown Eyecolor in Precious ($15, bareescentuals .com).
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Who Runs the World? Girls, duh! Aboah, 24, founded the L.A.based online femaleempowerment community gurlstalk .com to foster confidence in young women. "Every day brings new and wonderful outcomes," says Aboah about engaging with her website's vocal audience. Balenciaga minidress, pants, earrings, $375, gloves, $185.
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Never Blend In "It's almost as if I dress even more out-there when I'm feeling unconfident or unsure of myself," says Aboah. Bring on the prints! Maison Margiela bodysuit, $295, wet suit, skirt, $865, earrings, $365, socks, $145, sandals, $990.
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Get in Line The number-one secret to wearing allover stripes? Make sure one of the pieces goes minimal on the pattern (here, it's the crop top) while the other does all the talking (whoa, pants). Fendi sweater, $850, pants, boots, $950. Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh earrings, $154.
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Girls' Time Advice she would give her 18-year-old self: "Be kinder to yourself. This too shall pass," says Aboah, pictured here with friend and Gurls Talk colleague Heidi Gaudet. From left: DKNY dress, $898, bandeau, $148, pants, $498; Mulberry earrings, $335. Stella McCartney jumpsuit, top, leggings. For sheer, even coverage, try Clinique Super City Block BB Cushion Compact SPF 50 ($35, clinique.com).
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Walk Strong If going for a bigshouldered or wide-legged look is on your fashion inspiration board, here's a styling trick: Cinch your waist to balance the volume on top and bottom. Jil Sander top, earrings, $340. Misbhv pants, $320. CÊline booties.
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Light the Way Aboah sees a bright future for her and Gurls Talk: "[We're] taking over the world." More goals? We can't wait to work a superhigh slit this well. Haider Ackermann jacket, tank, $393, skirt, shorts, $515, derbies. Jil Sander earrings, $290. See Glamour Shopper for more information. Model: Adwoa Aboah at The Lions; hair: Ramsell Martinez, makeup: Stoj, both at Streeters; manicures: Ashlie Johnson at The Wall Group; production: Viewfinders.
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Empire State of Mind At the Kings Theatre in Brooklyn, Keys talks music with a group of young women from The Lower Eastside Girls Club, beneficiaries of Glamour's philanthropic initiative, The Girl Project. On Keys: Tome jumpsuit. Altuzarra earrings. Sopho Gongliashvili silver and enamel ring. Into her light peachy nails? Try Essie Nail Polish in Resort Fling ($9, at drugstores). On girls: Hanes T-shirts, customized by Glamour. H&M jeans.
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Use Your Gift
For more than 15 years, Alicia Keys has been singing her truth. Now, on the eve of her second season of The Voice, she wants us all to rise up. By Kimberly Drew Photographs by Carter Smith Fashion editor: Jillian Davison
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Girl on Fire "I think it's beautiful when a woman is comfortable not being the norm," says Keys. "They remind me, 'Oh, right! Don't lose that special thing you have.' " Dries Van Noten jacket. Missoni earrings. Hair: Chuck Amos at Jump Management; skin care: Chichi at Art Department; manicure: Dawn Sterling at MAM-NYC; production: Jenny Landey Productions + Locations; set design: Dorothee Baussan at Mary Howard Studio. For healthy, glowing skin like hers, try Garnier SkinActive Moisture Bomb The Antioxidant Super Moisturizer SPF 30 ($17, at drugstores).
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t its best, music can cross boundaries of race, gender, and class. The songs we sing, and the melodies and words we let sink into our bones, allow us to reconcile our lived experiences with the conflicting messages that surround us. Few artists are able to distill the chaos and connect us to one another quite like Alicia Keys. I have been a fan of hers since I was 10 years old. When Songs in A Minor dropped in 2001, I listened to the CD over and over on my dad's computer in our house in New Jersey. Back then her image—flawless braids, tough-as-nails exterior—was the goal for me: I wanted to look like her; I wanted to be her. Three months later two planes crashed into the World Trade Center. It was then that I learned to lean on her words to help make sense of the messy reality all around me. "Every day I realize that this might / Be the last day of my life / Walking down the streets I find / I'm coming closer and closer to losing my mind" she wailed on "The Life." My young heart wailed back. Though she's gone on to achieve envy-inducing levels of professional and personal success—selling 35 million records and winning 15 Grammys; marrying producer Swizz Beatz in 2010, with whom she has two sons, Egypt, six, and Genesis, two; and maintaining enough millennial cachet to land a giant swiveling red chair next to Miley Cyrus, Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine on The Voice—Keys, 36, has never compromised that emotional tie to her fans. On her latest album, Here, she lets us in even closer. "Why are the numbers on the scale like a god to me?" she asks on "Girl Can't Be Herself," a stunning statement about how far we haven't come in the fight for self-love. And then, on "Blended Family," she plays the role of doting stepmother, telling Beatz's three children from previous relationships: "I think you're beautiful / I think you're perfect / I know how hard it gets / But I swear it's worth it, worth it." Her commitment to the pursuit of truth, to what she describes as "constantly discovering, relearning, and deciding again and again who you want to be," is apparent in every project she takes on. As an activist, she's entrenched herself in causes like the AIDS pandemic in Africa (she cofounded Keep a Child Alive in 2003), racial injustice in America (her Moonshot protest last year was cosigned by the likes of Beyoncé and Bono), and the empowerment of girls. (During our shoot she spent hours chatting with the young members of New York's Lower Eastside Girls Club, many of whom are the same age I was when I first discovered Keys.) As an artist, she seeks out ways to elevate unheard stories and talent, whether that means lending her vocals to the Hidden Figures soundtrack or discreetly dropping a remix with next big It Producer Kaytranada. And as a woman, she's not just devoted to changing the way we're seen but the way we see ourselves. Last year, when she began to feel overly concerned with her appearance—"Every time I left the house, I would be worried if I didn't put on makeup," she wrote in an essay for Lenny Letter—she quit wearing it cold turkey. But it wasn't a stunt. It was an everyday reminder, she says, "that I can be my own gorgeous, beautiful, individual, unique self." In a world full of hashtag activists with dwindling attention spans, Keys is committed to being unabbreviated. Every single day she shows up, does the work, and dedicates herself to being the best version of herself for herself. My 10-year-old self needed to see a woman like that then. The world needs a woman like that now.
GLAMOUR: Let's go back to the beginning: Who were some of your earliest influences as a young woman? ALICIA KEYS: I remember first discovering Maya Angelou—I've always been a really voracious reader—and realizing the correlation between people's [life] stories and their work. I recognized that your life can become the background for the art you create. And then I started discovering Nina Simone and Patrice Rushen, two black female pianists who were creators of their own music and their own style and their own way. G L AMOUR: I think of Maya Angelou, Nina Simone, and Patrice Rushen, and I think of incredibly beautiful black women. How do you define beauty for yourself? AK: That's been such an evolution for me. Right now the way I define beauty is individuality and wisdom, which I think creates a certain inner confidence. And not confidence in a way that's only on the surface, but a deep-down knowing of yourself or settling into who you are. GLAMOUR: Last May you wrote that you were swearing off makeup because, you said, "I don't want to cover up anymore. Not my face, not my mind, not my soul." It's been almost a year since you embarked on that journey. What have you learned? AK: I guess I've come to terms that life is going to be a constant peeling back of layers, a constant unlearning of what we've been taught or believe to be true. I think that I've come to terms with the fact that that's just going to happen for the whole duration of my
"How you look is your statement, because it's a claiming of yourself." life. I feel really good about being able to look myself in the face and say, "Oh, who are you now?" And that might change. GL AMOUR: It's a constant process. And there's a victory in those moments where you can be like, "Yo, I like me." AK: I have to say, personally, that has been a challenge for me. I do feel there are certain things we come into this world having to defeat. And for me, and I would not be surprised if a lot of women feel this same way, it's this thing of not being 100 percent comfortable with myself. Even if my husband says, "You know, babe? I don't know…," I still have to know that, for myself, that something is good for me. It's very tricky. We listen so much to everybody— more than ever, because we have a kabillion voices whose opinion we can access—and we care so much if everybody agrees with us. To bust through all of the noise is very challenging. GLAMOUR: Preach, preach, preach. So real…. I'm thinking back to when you dropped Songs in A Minor in 2001. Your braids were so iconic. Do you consider beauty to be a revolutionary act? AK: It definitely is, but I didn't think about that then. I didn't think wearing braids was something revolutionary or iconic; that was just how I loved wearing my hair. I recognize now that how you look is your statement, because it's a claiming of yourself. You're saying, "Look, world. This is me. Love me or hate me, I really don't care." I guess that is the revolution. I think what happens in the world, and I think it's part human nature and part programming, is we become an emulation of what we see. We become
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clones of each other. And to break free from that and say, "Wait, I'm deciding to be my own individual self. And it looks nothing like what anyone else is doing." There's something so powerful about being my own gorgeous, beautiful, individual, unique self. GLAMOUR: I read that you meditate. How do you remain dedicated to practices of self-care? AK: My mother was raised very, very strict Catholic in the Midwest. There was so much fear and intimidation [in the faith]. So, growing up, I was always looking for my connection. I've found myself praying before meals, before bed; there's always been this gratitude for things that are bigger than me. But meditation has been a big change for me in a super-positive way. I see the result and strength and clarity—even my creativity is different and more connected [see page 130 for more on meditation]. It might be 10 minutes a day; it might be 20 minutes a day. But every day in this crazy world, it's a sense of peace and purpose.
"There is this fallacy that all women are catty, that we're all in competition with each other." GLAMOUR: James Baldwin once said, "To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time." How would you describe your connection with activism? AK: I'm sensitive to other people's feelings, which I think comes from my mother. She raised me; it was just her and I. She would drop jewels on me and call me on shit, like, "You know, it's not all about you. What about how someone else might feel?" And I think that's the basis of activism: caring about more than just yourself. And then, on my first trip to Africa [as part of Keep a Child Alive], I was able to see what the AIDS pandemic actually looked like. GLAMOUR: Do you see your art and your activism as two different sides of your brain? How do they relate? AK: They totally go together. You see it in the way Bob Marley spoke, how he chose his words through music. Nina Simone was so blatantly courageous. Even John Lennon wrote these songs about love that were so simple, timeless, and powerful. For a while I thought the two things were separate, because people told me they should be separate. But I think conveying the emotion of the collective "we," something those artists were able to do, is pretty incredible. Especially in tumultuous times like we are in now. GLAMOUR: If I may, there are so many songs that you've written that are the bomb. The line "If you ain't in a battle, how you gon' win the fight?" from "The Gospel" is basically the mood ring of our times. What piece of advice do you have for women trying to win their own personal fight? AK: I think the best advice that I would have—and look, I'm learning too—is that, first, you have to identify what you care about and why you care about it. It has to be personal. It has to be something that fires you up or means something to you, or it's not going to drive you. GLAMOUR: Your Moonshot initiative, which you founded after the
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police shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile [two black men shot by white police officers in July of last year], likens the task of combating racial injustice in America to putting a man on the moon. You hoped to urge lawmakers to direct billions of dollars into poor communities to build equal education systems and quality housing, provide job training, and more. Any updates on how you will continue this pursuit in light of the new administration? AK: The project is one of the most incredible things I've ever been a part of, and it's still developing. We had a lot of support from the [Obama administration], but it's a slow process. We're not sure if the Trump administration will want to support this initiative, but we are beginning our own investment fund for African Americans with [CNN's] Van Jones' organization, Dream Corps. G L AMOUR: The girls pictured on these pages are growing up in New York City, as you did. With them in mind, what do you wish you could tell your younger self? AK: There is this fallacy about how women are catty, that we're all in competition with each other. I'd say: As opposed to getting swept up in jealousy, use that pang to give you an indication of what you are looking for. Actually, there is this awesome performer Lilly Singh [IISuperwomanII on YouTube], who always does this thing: "Shout out another girl and tell her what you love about her." Even doing that is such a good practice. I don't know if we tell women great news about themselves enough. You'd be surprised how often a young woman doesn't hear positive things about herself—not in her home, not at school. It's hard to create a beautiful image for yourself when you've never seen it or heard it. GLAMOUR: You prepared 100 songs for Here. How in the world did you whittle it down to just 16 tracks? AK: Every album tends to have this archive of a lot of songs that happened in order to get there. I think it's just part of the process. I think the way I knew that Here was ready is that there was this group of songs that belonged together. They were like an exhibit at a museum. They all had a similar content and emotion and feeling. And every time I tried to separate them, it didn't feel authentic. GLAMOUR: You're about to begin your second season as a judge on The Voice. Why were you drawn to the role of coach? AK: There's something beautiful about meeting someone who is so hopeful and working toward their dreams. Which, in some ways, is exactly how I feel—even now. There's some sort of sympathetic connection right there. And The Voice is kind of an ill metaphor for life: How far you go depends on what you want for yourself, how much you're willing to leave on the f loor, and how much you wanna face the fears you have inside of you. It's everything we're all dealing with every day. GLAMOUR: On the note of being a coach, you're also a mom. What does it mean to you to be a mother now? AK: I love being a mom. And I think what I love the most is the way it makes me think about what's important and what's not important. What to fight for and what to just be cool with. What it is that I'm teaching through example and what it is that I was taught that I don't want to teach. You can be very fulfilled as a mother, but that can't be the only way you are fulfilled. What about being a woman? What about being yourself? Your awareness of what's happening in the world? It lives altogether in a way that makes a whole. I guess I'd say I'm the wholest I've ever been. Kimberly Drew is the social media manager for the Metropolitan Museum of Art, creator of the Tumblr "Black Contemporary Art," and the person behind @museummammy on Instagram.
A Woman's Worth "You'd be surprised how often a young woman doesn't hear positive things about herself— not in her home, not at school," says Keys. Her advice? Encourage the women around you. "Share the love." Gucci shirt, pants, platforms. Rossella Jardini yellow scarf (worn around head). Lana Jewelry earrings. See Glamour Shopper for more information.
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Be Bold
If getting noticed is the goal, Dior makeup pro Peter Philips has some gorgeously radical suggestions. By Ying Chu Photographs by Bjorn Iooss Fashion editor: Jillian Davison
Goth Glam This look is fierce but fun. If you're not feeling the almost-black lipstick (try Dior Addict Lacquer Stick in #904 Black Coffee, $35, dior.com) and flame-motif liquid eyeliner, start with just one. Keep makeup-remover-soaked Q-tips handy to tidy edges on lips or eyes. Alexander McQueen dress, earrings, necklace. Icing hoops. Nancy Newberg Jewelry dark rings. Year of the Hare Jewelry gold rings. Catbird thin ring.
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Glitter Chameleon There's a trick to helping a sparkly eye stay put: Apply black liquid liner up to the crease of your lid, then add glitter above that. Do like Philips and use four different pastel glitters (find them at a craft shop); adhere with Ben Nye Glitter Glue ($7, makeupmania .com). You'll want lipstick and blush too—just keep them on the muted side. Fendi dress. Simone Rocha studs. Eddie Borgo hoop.
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Color Play Here's an inventive way to do statement eyes: with color-blocking. Midnight blue on top, peach below, yellow at the inner corner. Wear solo, or add magenta lips and navy nails—all good! Try Diorshow Mono Eyeshadow in #296 Show and #764 Fusion, $30 each, and Dior Addict Lacquer Stick in #684 Diabolo, $35, all at dior.com.
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Giamba dress. Icing septum ring, hoops. Eddie Borgo large hoop, ring. Mateo New York necklace. Vita Fede collar. Catbird midi rings, pinkie ring.
Bright Eyes Blue shadow, red nails— hello, 1986! In his take on a beauty #TB, Philips makes electric blue and silver eyes fresh with peachy lips and cheeks. Try Dior Colour Gradient Eyeshadow Palette #001 Blue Gradation, $62, dior.com. Rodarte top, skirt, jewelry. See Glamour Shopper for more information. Model: Fernanda Ly at DNA Models; hair: Brian Buenaventura at Management Artists; makeup: Peter Philips at Art + Commerce; manicure: Megumi Yamamoto at Susan Price NYC.
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Raise Your Voice These six women are, and the world is changing.
Photographs and words by iO Tillett Wright Stylist: Ronald Burton
"Get out and have heart-to-heart connections with people." —Phoebe Dahl, 28, whose company helps support schoolgirls in Nepal Inspired by the buy-one-giftone model of companies like Toms shoes, the L.A. designer (whose grandfather was children's book author Roald Dahl) founded Faircloth & Supply; every product sold helps provide uniforms, supplies, and scholarships to schoolgirls in Nepal, where an estimated 12,000 to 15,000 young women are trafficked every year. "Traffickers are less inclined to kidnap a girl who looks like she has a future," says Dahl. When you give a uniform, she says, "the look in those girls' eyes [is] like their world is opening up." Faircloth & Supply shirt. Gabriela Hearst tank. Tibi pants.
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"You can change the world one tweet, one penny at a time." —Nelufar Hedayat, 29, who reports on global black markets Born in Afghanistan and raised in London, Hedayat is the investigative journalist behind Fusion's docuseries The Traffickers, which chronicles atrocities such as human trafficking and fake pharmaceuticals. But her work has come at a price: She has received an avalanche of hate mail from some fellow Muslims who believe that a woman's place is in the home, subservient and silent. "I ignore the hate and keep on," she says. "The biggest enemy of change is apathy." Maje jacket. Elizabeth and James dress. Reebok sneakers.
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"In this age of the Internet, everybody can hear you." —Jordan Hewson, 27, who makes giving back easy Hewson comes from a legacy of activism (her dad is Bono, who, among other things, cofounded the ONE campaign to fight poverty and AIDS). In 2015 she found a way to make her own mark by launching Speakable, a tech company and maker of the Action button—a tool on news stories that lets readers sign a petition or donate money. Says Hewson: "Social good and civic participation should be as easy as ordering an Uber." 3.1 Phillip Lim blouse. Banana Republic pants.
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"Everyone has pain. Use that." —Carrie Goldberg, 39, who uses the law to stop online predators After her ex-boyfriend threatened to post naked videos and pictures of her on a porn site, Goldberg went to police and family court only to be told it was a "free speech problem." "So I became the lawyer I needed," she says. She launched her own firm to fight online and offline harassment and "sextortion" via advocacy and litigation. "I'm the biggest proponent for free speech, but it's not diametrically opposed to privacy," she says. "We can have both." Jason Wu at Saks Fifth Avenue dress. Converse sneakers.
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"When people come together in the right way, we can move mountains." —Michelle Cook, 32, who fights for the rights of indigenous peoples Cook, from the Honághááhnii clan of the Diné, or Navajo Nation, is a lawyer who has devoted her life to raising awareness about staggering statistics like the fact that one in four Native American women will be raped in her lifetime—but that perpetrators of sexual crimes (86 percent of whom are non-Native) rarely face justice because of gaps between tribal, state, and federal laws. Cook has also documented human rights abuses at the Dakota Access Pipeline protests at Standing Rock. "I hope I can prove," she says, "that we as the first Americans are here and still standing strong and walking in beauty." IRO at Saks Fifth Avenue jacket. Comme des Garçons Play at Bloomingdale's shirt. Tortoise at Saks Fifth Avenue jeans. Kendall + Kylie boots.
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"I believe in passing the megaphone to the marginalized." —Holley M. Murchison, 33, who helps the disadvantaged and others find their voice Murchison says her parents— addicts during the height of New York's 1980s cocaine and crack era—taught her one powerful message: "You can be better than us." In 2013, she took that belief, moved to California, and founded Oratory Glory, a speaker collective that works with students, creatives, and entrepreneurs to help shift the culture with their ideas. "I want to make sure diverse voices are heard so they can never be forgotten," she says. Current/Elliott sweatshirt. Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh shirt. Ji Oh pants. See Glamour Shopper for more information. Hair: Brian Fisher at The Wall Group; makeup: Andre Sarmiento at TMG; manicure: Shelly Hill; production: Viewfinders.
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Two Woke Dudes "A lot of times Update was hosted by one dude," says Che, left. "But when I saw Tina [Fey] and Amy [Poehler], I didn't think, Wow, great! Two women! I thought, These motherf-ckers are funny. With good comedy, that's what happens when it's working." 190 glamour.com
"When life gets bad, make it funny"
That's wisdom from Colin Jost and Michael Che, the bromantic cohosts of Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live. They actually make us want to watch the news again! By Willa Paskin
here was Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers. So when Colin Jost, 34, and Michael Che, 33, started coanchoring Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update in 2014, yeah, they were intimidated: "It was nerve-racking, man!" says Che. But clearly they only needed time to get comfortable behind the desk, because now their onscreen bromance is blossoming. Like every great couple, Jost and Che balance each other: Jost's preppy playing against Che's chill, Jost's smirk against Che's deadpan. They laugh at each other's wisecracks and even hang out outside the office, all the while giving us a new, funny perspective on real (not fake) news. Glamour joined the duo at their 30 Rock offices in New York City to talk about being yourself at work. GLAMOUR: You guys have hosted Update for two-and-some years. When did you feel like it really started working? MICHAEL: I think when you first get a job, you're just trying to do what the last regime did, just to keep it going, as opposed to actually doing what you want to do. COLIN: Yeah. At first, you're scared of ruining it. MICHAEL: Which is, ironically, the way to ruin it—by being afraid. COLIN: [Laughter.] And then you're excited to change it. MICHAEL: It's like a stepdad coming into a new family. The kids are like, "Well, we miss Dad." After a while, you're like, "Look, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to love you the way I want to love you." COLIN: "Sorry I can't drink like your old dad did." [Laughter.] GLAMOUR: You guys hit your stride just in time for the election… COLIN: To our credit, early on, when people were like, "Trump's a joke; he's going to lose," we were like, "Guys, really, watch it…." 'Cause on the road, when we do stand-up, people would always say, "What do you think about Donald Trump?" If you said, "He's crazy," they'd be like, "Yeah, he's crazy." But if you said, "I don't know—he seems interesting," they would be like, "That's really what I think." MICHAEL: No one ever asked me what I thought of him on the road. COLIN: No one asked you on the golf course? Wow. MICHAEL: So strange, Colin. [Laughter.] GLAMOUR: You guys always laugh at each other's jokes. Did it take time to realize you could be yourselves up there? COLIN: For me, certainly. I mean, [comedy] is frightening at first because you're opening yourself up. When it's just you and people hate it, you're like, "Oh God. Do they hate me?" MICHAEL: It's a hard, lonely feeling, to be completely yourself in front of strangers. Now multiply that by about 10 million people watching, with typewriters. Do people use typewriters? COLIN: [Laughter.] The Internet's famously done on typewriters. G L A M O U R : We don't all have typewriters. Just some of us. Michael, do you feel that, because you're the first black Week-
end Update host, there's all this comedy that you can touch that nobody could touch before? COLIN: You're the first black comedian. MICHAEL: And the last. [Laughter.] Nah, but people are like, "Oh, why do they talk about race?" Like, "Well, I don't know. A black guy has a platform that no one's ever had. And some black kid gets shot once a week, maybe. I don't know. Might come up." COLIN: Might have something to do with it. GLAMOUR: And a lot of your guests are female— COLIN: Because the female cast is really strong. There is Vanessa [Bayer], Cecily [Strong], Aidy [Bryant], Kate [McKinnon]… GLAMOUR: Do you think of yourselves as feminists? MICHAEL: Yes, I believe in equality. But I don't like the word feminist, because it's such a rational belief to think that women are equal to men, and I'm a rational person. You shouldn't be labeled for being reasonable. You should be labeled if you're f-cking crazy. CO LI N : My mom was the breadwinner in my family. I always thought, That's how it is. I never thought that was the exception. MICHAEL: I grew up in the projects with four older brothers. And there were tough, macho gangsters, drug dealers, killers, and thugs all in my neighborhood. And they were afraid of my mother. So, yeah, I know some strong women.… GLAMOUR: Do your moms watch the show? MICHAEL: My mom loves Cecily's The Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party. Or, as she calls it, The Girl You Wish You Wasn't Talking To. [Laughter.] GLAMOUR: Speaking of strong, smart women, Colin, can we talk about Leslie Jones? She really makes you blush. COLIN: It's a very real dynamic! Leslie woke me up a little bit. She would actually yell at me or push me with her energy. She's a force. GLAMOUR: You're the only bromance we can stand on TV right now. Do you think of yourself as— COLIN: Bromantic? MICHAEL: I mean, we're very close and cool. What do you think, Colin? What do you think, bro? COLIN: It's great. Even people who really like each other don't have that closeness. We travel together. We just did a show in Vegas. MICHAEL: My favorite thing about him is that Colin is always Colin. COLIN: It's obvious, but Michael's a great stand-up, a great voice. MICHAEL: All I gotta do is stay off the pipe. That was the one piece of advice that I got from Chris Rock. He said, "Just stay off the pipe and you'll be fine." He really said that to me. [Laughter.] So that's my only goal: Stay off crack. Willa Paskin is Slate's television critic. glamour.com 191
"Always be grateful" Photograph by Carissa Gallo Stylist: Jordan Grossman
was born in Homestead, Florida. My parents divorced when I was eight; I never really knew my dad, and my mom raised my older sister and brother and me alone. It was challenging. There were times I'd be nervous walking home from elementary school, thinking, If that red tag from the power company saying our lights are turned off is on the door handle, I don't know what I'll do. And there were nights my mom wouldn't eat dinner. She'd be like, "Oh, I'm not hungry." I knew she was giving up food to make sure we could eat, but when you're 9 or 10 years old, you can't help. It was devastating. In retrospect I think that's why food equals love in my family. It's the way we showed love—my grandmother would make me a grilled cheese sandwich every time she'd pick me up from school. I really valued that attention. As I got older, that turned into, "Oh, I'm happy—let's celebrate and eat. I'm sad? Let me eat my feelings." My mom eventually got remarried and had two more daughters; she and my stepdad did the best they could. I remember when my mom couldn't afford to buy me Keds, my friend offered to glue her little blue label onto my Payless shoes! I can laugh about it now, but it was a big deal to me as a kid. Comedy soon became my outlet. I was always the class clown, and I think I gravitated toward performing for the attention I didn't always think I was getting at home. After high school I really wanted to act, but I didn't even know how to begin. I didn't know anybody with connections, I didn't come from money, I didn't go to Juilliard. But I never was afraid of the odds, even though they were seriously stacked against me. Then my sister—who is skinny and tall and beautiful—heard about this open-call model and talent search at a tiny little Holiday Inn in Gainesville, Florida, and she was like, "Will you take me?" So we went, and the woman asked me, "Do you sing or act? Just step in here for a second." I sang Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful"—Lord knows why I chose that big ol' thing. The following day she called my sister for a modeling contract and told me she'd introduce me to managers and agents in Los Angeles. And how'd we get to L.A.? Girl, some young women and I caravanned all the way from Florida, then lived in a two-bedroom apartment, three of us to each room, in Burbank. We were all on a budget—we spent nights playing Uno in our living room—but most of the other kids' parents were footing their bills. My stepdad helped me with my car insurance, but I couldn't ask him for anything more; they didn't have anything extra. So I paid my own way by nannying or finding odd jobs. I had two auditions that pilot season, maybe. I cried a lot. And then in 2014 American Horror Story came up. I'd wanted
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the role of Ima [Barbara] Wiggles desperately, and after I got it, I thought, OK, awesome, this is a jumping board for my career! But when it wrapped, there was…nothing. I almost moved back to Florida, but my mom said, "You can either be miserable here and not pursue your dreams, or you can be miserable in L.A. and at least pursue what you want." So I stayed. I kept auditioning, with no savings and no money, credit card debt gaining interest. I went on unemployment. I bought ramen noodles at dollar stores. I never had to—God forbid—live on the streets; I moved in with a roommate who told me, "Stay with me until you can afford rent. Don't give up." People who supported me were like, "If you don't have money for food, I'll cook you dinner. You don't have money for acting class? Let's get together and read lines." I am so grateful that I had such an amazing support system, but when I booked This Is Us, I had 81 cents in my bank account. I could cry right now just thinking about it. Getting the role of Kate has changed everything. It's crazy to go from not having enough money to buy food to getting free dinners. Why is it that when you really need something, you don't have it? And when you can afford it, you have a surplus of it? You may think, "Ooh, you're on TV, you're a millionaire!" No. It's definitely a lot more than I was making, but I still live with my roommate—though I pay my proper share of the rent now. Meeting my car payment on time? That's new. I paid my friends and my stepdad back. And three months ago I finally paid my credit cards off! Funny, but I still get buyer's remorse—I just got my first pair of Alexander McQueen shoes; I'm so convinced I shouldn't have bought them, I still haven't busted them out of the box. But mainly, I hope I can be successful enough to provide for those who supported me when I thought, I can't do this anymore. This may sound silly, but what I really wanted was my grandmother to have a washer and dryer in her apartment before she passed away. I never got to give it to her. It's heartbreaking. When you've been down on your luck, you can really see that [need] in other people. Now that I'm living more comfortably, how do I share with others? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I've had women—average women, older women, teenagers— who say to me, "Your role and this show has changed my life." That makes all the struggle, all the ramen noodles, all the times when I couldn't pay my bills, all the times where I was like, "I can't do this," worth it. Sometimes I cry on the way to the set still. There is something that happens when you are grateful: You continue to keep receiving blessings. So I will always be grateful. Alex Morris is a contributing editor for New York magazine.
One year ago Chrissy Metz, costar of This Is Us, had 81 cents in the bank. She plans never to forget that. As told to Alex Morris
This Is Me Success "won't ever stop being emotional for me," says Metz, photographed in Beverly Hills, of her role as Kate in This Is Us. Eloquii dress. See Glamour Shopper for more information. For a sleek style like hers, try Tresemmé Keratin Smooth Crème Serum ($5, Walmart).
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Olive You When it comes to neutrals, it's hard to overdo it. Go head to toe in the same shade, or mix and match. Sonia Rykiel coat, pants, $840. In-House Atelier hair scarf, worn throughout. For her natural, defined brows, try CoverGirl Shape + Define Brow Mascara ($8, at drugstores).
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Find Your Passion
The side-hustle game is real. Model Héloïse Guérin, who moonlights as a cook, shows off the season's khaki obsession and her strong kitchen skills. Photographs by Patrick Demarchelier Fashion editor: Jillian Davison
Hot From the Oven Guérin at New York City's Arcade Bakery, where she works part-time. Dig the clogs! Toga top, $685. COS skirt, $115. Chefuniforms.com headwrap. $7. Dansko clogs, $125.
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Khaki? Cool! Wide-leg, long-line silhouettes give the workwear classic new life. Guérin is partial to vintage: "You can be pretty sure no one will be wearing the same thing as you." Joseph dress, $424, tank, $262, pants, $745, sandals, $316. Love her textured updo? Try Suave Professionals Sea Mineral Infusion Sea Salt Spray ($6, walmart.com).
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Something Sweet Aside from her bakery gig, Guérin caters fashion shoots with her business, Chez LouLou (named after her childhood nickname). "Everything's homey, organic, and never the same twice," she says. Y's shirt, $400, skirt, $590. Chefuniforms.com headwrap, $7. Dansko clogs, $125.
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Flour Power Her personal style? "On the casual side," says the French native. "I was always told that I looked like a farm girl!" Céline dress. Chefuniforms.com headwrap, $7. Dickies apron, $9.
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Blank Canvas The best way to nail monochromatic looks is with slight color variations, like Guérin's canvas, cotton, and leather situation here. Marni belted dress. The Row bag. Y's sandals, $990. See Glamour Shopper for more information. Model: Héloïse Guérin at Women Model Management; hair: Ward at The Wall Group; makeup: Serge Hodonou at Frank Reps; manicure: Rieko Okusa at Susan Price NYC; prop stylist: Dorothee Baussan at Mary Howard Studio; location: Arcade Bakery; producer: Elise Connett at JN Production.
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Tell the World
Who You Are t
Olivia La Roche, 26, cofounder of an online vintage store
his issue—devoted to self-expression—features plenty of bold-faced-name activists (hi, Alicia!). But impassioned women are everywhere around us. On a recent Monday morning, dozens of commuters at the Oculus, New York City's booming new transportation hub, stopped by a Glamour photo booth to share who they really are—and what they're here for. Jennifer Goerlich, left, 51, financial executive, and her colleague Darlene Winkler, 53, banker
Bailey Roberts, 27, photographer
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Jungwon Kim, 47, editorial manager for an environmental organization
Nina Tiari, 34, fashion stylist and designer
Sobia Masood, 21, recent fashion-school graduate
Pamela Chomba, left, 27, and her coworker Dara Adams, 30, immigration advocates
Nathalia Novaes, 26, model
Liz Rankey, 19, model
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What Gets You Up in the Morning? Chloe Hayward, 27, actress and model
Soull Ogun, 32, designer and artist
Diamond Sharp, 28, story editor
Ming Jing Chen and her daughter
Jaqi Garcia, 34, middle-school educator and DJ
Nadya Voynovskaya, 23, artist
ChloĂŠ VĂŠro, 20, model
Paula Carvajal, 30, beauty project manager
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Amber Star Merkens, 39, dancer, photographer, and doula, with her daughter Raiya, three
From left: nursing students Rachelle Emile, 35, Ese Okoko, 26, Ashley St.Clair, 23, Angela Ofosu, 40
Reva Bhatt, 24, beauty intern
Morgan Green, actor, educator, and writer Name 25, Ttktktktktktktktk
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What Would No One Guess About You?
Alexes Bowyer, 26, vintage-clothing dealer
Li Ling Oan, center, 44, stay-at-home mom, and family members In Gig Beh, left, 63, sales executive, and Gek Swan Beh, 53, credit analyst
Mia Santiago, 36, celebrity hairstylist and makeup artist
Eunice Kindred, 36, art director
Yasmin Moon, 23, model
Ash Walker, 24, model
Jessica Chou, right, 31, Glamour photo producer, and her mother, Jennifer, 60, software engineer
Katrina Jimenez, left, 26, and colleague Kimberley Simpson, 28, concierges
Aine Rose Campbell, 30, model
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Strap Happy If your closet is full of color, consider a black-and-white bag. You can always add a colored strap for a pop! Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh bag, $1,368. Versace top, $675, skirt, $875. Scotch & Soda green skirt (worn underneath), $125. For her piecey hairstyle, try Garnier Fructis De-Constructed Pixie Play ($4.50, at drugstores).
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Weekend Warrior If you're bringing an oversize bag to the office—which you should, since it will fit day-to-night shoes, workout clothes, and your laptop— choose a classic shape (it's less off-to-the-beach). Mulberry bag, $2,095. Prada jacket, shorts, $880, belt, $245. Vince shoes, $250.
Pack Your Bags
The supersize satchel is the fashion emblem of empowered women everywhere. (Occupy as much space as you want.) Photographs by Sebastian Mader Stylist: Vanessa Chow
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Wake-up Call Turn up a classic tote with bright colors—and a formfitting outfit, like this striped knit dress. Baggu bag, $140. Topshop dress, $98. Diane von Furstenberg red-and-white striped dress (worn underneath), $298. Into her aqua eyeshadow? Try MAC Eye Shadow in How Royal ($16, maccosmetics.com).
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Heavy Petal Frequent traveler? Black works, but a big floral bag has such a standout factor. Balenciaga bag, top, pants, boots. See Glamour Shopper for more information. Model: Ros Georgiou at Fusion; hair: Hiro + Mari at Bryan Bantry; makeup: Justine Purdue at Tim Howard Management; manicure: Maki Sakamoto at The Wall Group; set design: Dorothee Baussan at Mary Howard Studio.Â
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Talk / Going Deep (continued from page 161) saw Dade and just knew I wanted to stay together. So we immediately made a to-do list: How do we get testosterone? Schedule surgery? Tell my parents? Get back on board with trying to have a baby? Because we'd stopped. Our marriage went from almost disintegrating to "All right, let's do this." DADE: The next year our life was a sitcom. TIFFANY: Dade started to transition and I got pregnant. At one point his breasts were getting cut off, and mine were doubling in size! [Laughs.] DADE: On top of that she was going to night school to get her master's, and my company had growing pains. TIFFANY: And before our daughter, Zane, was born in October, we got remarried
would ask, "Wasn't there a girl business partner?" and I'd just say, "Oh, she's gone." At one point I sent, I think, 53 emails to clients, something to the effect of, "Here's what's going on: I'm transitioning from female to male." I told them I appreciated working with them and nothing would change. And we kept every single one. But I had people in my personal life tell me, "You're an abomination," "You'll never be a man," "You're ruining your daughter." A couple of times I found dead animals by my truck. But those things really don't bother me. I feel like they mostly come from fear or lack of understanding. TIFFANY: One of the major obstacles for me was telling my family. I'd already rocked their world. I really struggled with it. And
"At one point his breasts were getting cut off, and mine were doubling in size!" [at the courthouse] as husband and wife, which was actually irritating, because as two women we hadn't had that same right. The next four years were a marathon. We had a baby and surgeries. We didn't sleep. When he went in for the top surgery—I don't know if I can say this— DADE: Say what's real for you. TIFFANY: You had beautiful breasts, and I loved them. They were perfect, perky, athletic. And I was sad. Even when I had mentally accepted the transition, you were still in this hot dyke body. But I remember one day when you still had them I was sorting laundry and putting a bra in my pile and going, "Oh, this is his." Right then I realized I'd already moved Dade to a "he" in my heart and my mind…. Then there were times like when he had his lower surgery. Because the cost was all out-of-pocket, we brought him home from the hospital rather than keep him there overnight. He barely smelled human; his flesh was gray. We had to remove stitches, take out catheters—it felt like we took each other down to this really raw, hard, guttural— DADE: Survival level. TIFFANY: And it was a very awkward time in terms of telling or not telling [others]. DADE: People would be like, "Dade's looking awfully masculine." At work, clients 210 glamour.com
when we finally sat down to tell them—oh, it was terrible. We were so nervous. DAD E: I was about four months into the transition. I already had the puffy testosterone face, and my voice was a little crackly. TIFFANY: We're at their house, picking at our food. I said, "So Dade has something to tell you," and he started fumbling over his words. Finally my dad, who we thought had, like, zero awareness, says, "Are you trying to tell us you are transgender?" TRAVIS: It was like watching someone try on roller skates! [Laughs.] I don't know how I knew, but I sensed from the very first time I met Dade it needed to happen. DADE: They were so amazing. By the end of the dinner, [Travis] was like, "I'm not going to be making any donations of body parts, Dade." TRAVIS: He's a better man than many men. Dade considered his transition complete on November 30, 2016, five years after his first testosterone shot. He did not, as Tiffany's friend had feared, uproot his old life to begin again. He continued to run his electrical engineering company while Tiffany launched her own business as a life coach. Today they still live in the same glass solar-powered house with Zane and
their dachshund, Rosco. On a kitchen shelf sits an ornament that says, "Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a NORMAL FAMILY." To their daughter, who's now four, they certainly are. TI FFA N Y: We've been really clear with Zane about everything. We felt if we kept it secret and she found out later, there would be shame attached to it. Z AN E : Yes, Daddy was born with a girl body, but—but also with a boy brain! And Mommy's cisgender. Though I don't know about my puppy. TIFFANY: Zane's great, but Dade and I had to reconnect. DA D E : Like, Who are you again? We needed to bridge the physical gap. I wouldn't say there was a specific "first time." Like: The Unveiling! And now we'll have heteronormative sex! Tiff had to confront "This is a completely male body." And I was still stuck in "You don't want this body." I tried to hide instead of being vulnerable enough to face what I thought would be certain rejection. It's still hard for me sometimes. TIFFANY: There was a lot to work through. A lot of asking, "Does this feel good? Is this OK?" We went back to counseling, and my epiphany was to get out of my head. Because if I need to check a box of "What rainbow do I f ly?" or "Who am I sleeping with?" it's not juicy sexually at all. But when I feel from my heart, there's no confusion. I love Dade. My body loves him, and I want him. It isn't about anything else but that. And when we both come from that place, it's on a whole different level. DA D E : Although my transition almost destroyed our marriage, in a way it ended up saving it. TIFFANY: I agree. I don't know if we'd ever have achieved the depth of intimacy we have without going through that. When I came out as a lesbian, I needed that identity, I needed my tribe. But this is probably what wisdom is—the realization that life will give you all of these amazing experiences to learn from if you're willing. So my lesson is that "I'm a lesbian" doesn't define me anymore. What makes me happy is my life with Dade and Zane. DADE: Ever since Tiffany and I met, we've been inseparable, and no matter what the circumstances, we have continually chosen each other. Tiffany just is. And I don't want to be without her. Liz Brody is Glamour's news director. Plus: Confused about gender pronouns? See "He, She, They?" on page 32.
Glamour / Shopper
The Get-It Guide
All the info you need to buy the stuff you love in this month's issue Cover Haider Ackermann jacket, $1,630, haiderackermann .com. Emilio Pucci jumpsuit, $3,590, Emilio Pucci stores. Anndra Neen earrings, $115, anndraneen .com. Sopho Gongliashvili ring, $250–$300, from a collection available at moreislove.com; email email@example.com for more information.
Table of Contents Page 13: Valentino dress, $5,900, earrings, $825, Valentino stores. Ashley Pittman bangles, $565, ashleypittman.com.
From Me to You Page 28: Stutterheim raincoat, $229, stutterheim .com. American Apparel hoodie, $48, american apparel.com. Maison Margiela earrings, $365, select Maison Margiela stores.
Glamour Fashion Page 59: Proenza Schouler dress, $3,790, choker, shoes, $1,050, proenza schouler.com. Walters Faith rings, $195, $1,250, waltersfaith.com.
The Accessory Edit Page 66: Amber Sceats necklace, $199, amber sceats.com. Rings, from top: Ariel Gordon ring, $1,395, arielgordonjewelry .com. Juliet.M Jewelry emerald ring, $1,600, diamond ring, $1,620, julietmjewelry .com. Azlee ring, $2,050, azleejewelry.com. Catbird flat rings, $68–$198 each, catbirdnyc.com.
Style Your Size Page 82: On Bryant: Tanya Taylor dress, special order through tanyataylor .com. Paul Andrew for
Tanya Taylor heels, tanyataylor.com. On Taylor: Tanya Taylor dress, $595, tanyataylor.com. Paul Andrew heels, $945, farfetch.com.
Designer Crush Page 94: Diane von Furstenberg jacket, $798, collar, $698, dress, $1,300, dvf.com. Page 95: Diane von Furstenberg blouse, $248, skirt, choker, $298, bracelet, $198, heels, $378, Diane von Furstenberg stores.
Express Yourself Page 165: Haider Ackermann jacket, $1,630, haider ackermann.com. Emilio Pucci jumpsuit, $3,590, Emilio Pucci stores. Anndra Neen earrings, $115, anndraneen.com.
Work Your Look Page 166: Céline dress, $2,800, booties, $1,190, Céline, NYC. Jennifer Fisher earring, $645 for pair, jenniferfisherjewelry.com. Falke tights, $48, falke .com. Céline dress, $2,350, booties, $1,190, Céline, NYC. Jil Sander earrings, $290, jilsander.com. Wolford leggings, $49, wolford .com. Page 167: Prada top, $1,065, shirt, $1,205, prada.com. Marni earring, $800, select Marni stores. Page 168: Balenciaga minidress, $1,395, "pantashoes" pants, $2,850, gloves, $185, Balenciaga, NYC; earrings, $375, similar styles at Balenciaga, NYC. Page 169: Maison Margiela bodysuit, $295, wet suit, skirt, $865, earrings, $365, socks, $145, sandals, $990, select Maison Margiela stores. Page 170: Fendi sweater, $850, pants, $3,300, boots,
$950, fendi.com. Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh earrings, $154, off---white.com. Page 171: DKNY dress, $898, bandeau, $148, pants, $498, select DKNY stores. Mulberry earrings, $335, mulberry.com. Stella McCartney jumpsuit, $1,865, top, $1,295, leggings, $1,325, Stella McCartney, Houston. Page 172: Jil Sander top, $1,250, earrings, $340, jilsander .com. Misbhv pants, $318, misbhv.com. Céline booties, $1,190, Céline, NYC. Page 173: Haider Ackermann jacket, $3,095, tank, $393, skirt, $2,015, shorts, $515, derbies, $1,008, haiderackermann .com. Jil Sander earrings, $290, jilsander.com.
Use Your Voice
Icing hoops, $20 for set of three, icing.com. Nancy Newberg Jewelry dark rings, $800, $180, nancy newberg.com. Year of the Hare Jewelry rings, $129, $69, yearofthehare.com. Catbird midi-ring, $48, cat birdnyc.com. Page 181: Fendi dress, $2,900, fendi .com. Simone Rocha studs, $220 each, Simone Rocha, NYC. Eddie Borgo hoop, $145 for pair, select Bloomingdale's. Page 182: Giamba dress, $1,400, Capitol, Charlotte, NC. Icing septum ring, $10 for set, hoops, $8, icing.com. Eddie Borgo hoop, $150 for pair, shopbop.com; ring, $160, eddieborgo.com. Mateo New York necklace, $625, mateonewyork.com. Vita Fede collar, $495, vitafede .com. Catbird midi-rings, $48 each, pinkie ring, $20, catbirdnyc.com. Page 183: Rodarte top, skirt, jewelry, Ikram, Chicago.
Pages 174–175: Tome jumpsuit, $1,995, tomenyc .com. Altuzarra earrings, altuzarra.com. Sopho Gongliashvili silver and enamel ring, $250–$300, Just Get Going from a collection available Page 184: Faircloth & at moreislove Supply shirt, .com; email $115, faircloth s.gongliashvili@ supply.com. ? gmail.com for Gabriela more informaHearst knit tion. On girls: Have trouble finding tank, $495, Hanes something? Email us at theline T-shirts cuspersonalshopper .com. Tibi tomized by @glamour.com. pants, $450, Glamour. H&M tibi.com. Page jeans. Page 176: 185: Maje jacket, Dries Van Noten $275, maje.com. Elizajacket, $1,230, beth and James dress, barneys.com. Missoni ear$475, net-a-porter.com. rings, $220, missoni.com. Reebok sneakers. Page Page 179: Gucci shirt, 186: 3.1 Phillip Lim blouse, $2,890, pants, $1,400, $475, 31philliplim.com. platforms, $2,390, select Banana Republic pants, Gucci stores. Rossella $98, bananarepublic.com. Jardini yellow scarf, $350, Page 187: Jason Wu shirtrossellajardini.com. Lana dress, $1,295, saks.com. Jewelry earrings, $2,875, Converse sneakers, $55, lanajewelry.com. Scarf converse.com. Page 188: on lap: A Peace Treaty, IRO jacket, $1,265, saks $225, apeacetreaty.com. .com. Comme des Garçons Scarves on girls, from top: Play shirt, $225, select Rossella Jardini, $240, Bloomingdale's. Tortoise rossellajardini.com. jeans, $525, saks.com. A Peace Treaty, $225, Kendall + Kylie boots, $190, apeacetreaty.com. zappos.com. Page 189: Current/Elliott sweatshirt, Be Bold $178, currentelliott.com for Page 180: Alexander Mcsimilar. Off-White c/o Virgil Queen dress, earrings, Abloh shirt. Ji Oh pants, $1,795, necklace, $2,395, $745, jiohny.com. Alexander McQueen, NYC.
"Always Be Grateful" Pages 192–193: Eloquii dress, $111, eloquii.com.
Find Your Passion Page 194: Sonia Rykiel coat, $1,570, pants, $840, Sonia Rykiel, NYC. InHouse Atelier hair scarf, worn throughout, inhouse atelier.com. Page 195: Toga top, $685, select Nordstrom. COS skirt, $115, cosstores.com. Chef uniforms.com headwrap, $7, chefuniforms.com. Dansko clogs, $125, dansko.com. Page 196: Joseph dress, $424, tank, $262, pants, $745, sandals, $316, joseph-fashion.com. Page 197: Y's shirt, $400, skirt, $590, yohjiyamamoto .co.jp. Chefuniforms.com headwrap, $7, chefuniforms .com. Dansko clogs, $125, dansko.com. Page 198: Céline dress, $4,200, Céline, NYC. Chefuniforms .com hat, $7, chefuniforms .com. Dickie's apron, $9, dickies.com. Page 199: Marni belted dress, $3,180, select Marni stores. The Row bag, $2,150, net-a -porter.com. Y's sandals, $990, yohjiyamamoto.co.jp.
Pack Your Bags Page 206: Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh bag, $1,368, off---white.com. Versace top, $675, skirt, $875, us.versace.com. Scotch & Soda green skirt, $125, scotch-soda.com. Page 207: Mulberry bag, $2,095, mulberry.com. Prada jacket, $2,195, shorts, $880, belt, $245, prada .com. Vince shoes, $250, vince.com. Page 208: Baggu bag, $140, baggu .com. Topshop dress, $98, us.topshop.com. Diane von Furstenberg red and white striped dress, $298, dvf.com. Page 209: Balenciaga bag, $1,785, Balenciaga, NYC. Balenciaga top, $825, pants, $885, Dover Street Market, NYC. Balenciaga boots, $1,015, select Neiman Marcus.
All prices are approximate.
GLAMOUR IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF ADVANCE MAGAZINE PUBLISHERS INC. COPYRIGHT © 2017 CONDÉ NAST. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A. VOLUME 115, NO. 3. GLAMOUR (ISSN 0017-0747) is published monthly by Condé Nast, which is a division of Advance Magazine Publishers Inc. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: Condé Nast, One World Trade Center, New York, NY 10007. S. I. Newhouse, Jr., Chairman Emeritus; Robert A. Sauerberg, Jr., President & Chief Executive Officer; David E. Geithner, Chief Financial Officer; James M. Norton, Chief Business Officer, President of Revenue, Condé Nast. Periodicals postage paid at New York, NY, and at additional mailing offices. Canada Post Publications Mail Agreement No. 40644503. Canadian Goods and Services Tax Registration No. 123242885-RT0001. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS. (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO GLAMOUR, P.O. BOX 37617, BOONE, IA 50037-0617. FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS, ADDRESS CHANGES, ADJUSTMENTS, OR BACK-ISSUE INQUIRIES: Please write to GLAMOUR, P.O. Box 37617, Boone, IA 50037-0617, call 800-274-7410 or email email@example.com. Please give both new and old addresses as printed on most recent label. Subscribers: If the Post Office alerts us that your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address within one year. If during your subscription term or up to one year after the magazine becomes undeliverable or you are ever dissatisfied with your subscription, let us know. You will receive a full refund on all unmailed issues. First copy of new subscription will be mailed within four weeks after receipt of order. Address all editorial, business, and production correspondence to GLAMOUR Magazine, One World Trade Center, New York, NY 10007. For reprints, please contact firstname.lastname@example.com or 717-505-9701 ext. 101. For re-use permissions, please contact firstname.lastname@example.com or 800-897-8666. Visit us online at www.glamour.com. To subscribe to other Condé Nast magazines on the World Wide Web, visit www.condenastdigital.com. Occasionally we make our subscriber list available to carefully screened companies that offer products and services that we believe would interest our readers. If you do not want to receive these offers and/or information, please advise us at P.O. Box 37617, Boone, IA 50037-0617 or call 800-274-7410. GLAMOUR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RETURN OR LOSS OF, OR FOR DAMAGE OR ANY OTHER INJURY TO, UNSOLICITED MANUSCRIPTS, UNSOLICITED ARTWORK (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DRAWINGS, PHOTOGRAPHS, AND TRANSPARENCIES), OR ANY OTHER UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. THOSE SUBMITTING MANUSCRIPTS, PHOTOGRAPHS, ARTWORK, OR OTHER MATERIALS FOR CONSIDERATION SHOULD NOT SEND ORIGINALS UNLESS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED TO DO SO BY GLAMOUR IN WRITING. MANUSCRIPTS, PHOTOGRAPHS, AND OTHER MATERIALS SUBMITTED MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY A SELF-ADDRESSED, STAMPED ENVELOPE.
glamour.com 211
Glamour Dos & Don'ts
Purple's Reign
Purple has long signified bravery, creativity, and royalty (both the late Princess Diana, back in 1989, and Kate Middleton, today, mastered it). But it's also versatile, freshening up everything from a boxy pantsuit (Caroline Issa, far left, bottom) to modern, floor-length gowns (like Lupita Nyong'o in Elie Saab, center). Shrinking violets, you're dismissed. 212 glamour.com
Soft and sweet? No—this pastel makes a serious statement.