text:
This is a Redwall parody about Badrang the Tyrant and Badredd traveling together throughout the Redwall universe in different time periods.
There are references from Redwall, Mattimeo, Salamandastron, Martin the Warrior, The Bellmaker, Pearls of Lutra, Marlfox, The Legend of Luke, Lord Brocktree, The Taggerung, Triss, Loamhedge and Rakkety Tam.
It will get funnier as it goes along.
My brother, User:Wild Doogy Plumm helped me with this.:)
Chapter One- The title characters meet
Badrang the Tyrant stormed southward through northern Mossflower Woods. He was giving up on Fort Marshank, the slaves, the battle with Clogg, everything.
When he had ran outside of his fortress after the escaped slaves, he had secretly sneaked away and sent his clone after them. Every good warlord needs a clone to be killed in their place. So that is what Badrang did. Now he was going south, searching for some place to settle down and live not-so-peacefully. Even evil vermin warlords need a break.
Badredd the little fox trudged along behind his gang. He was no longer their leader, after what had happened back at Redwall. Now all he wanted to do was sulk. As he listened to Flinky's constant chatter, he wished that he could have a clone so that he could sneak away from them unnoticed.
Then he tripped on something and fell flat on his face. The other vermin didn't even notice. He grumbled and looked down at what he had tripped on. It was a strange-looking object with a large, red button in the center.
Badredd scratched his head and thought, "What a strange-looking object with a large, red button in the center!"
Then he saw that something was written on the side of it: 'Miniature Time and Space Teleportation Device'. The fox had no idea what it meant, but it sounded cool, and maybe it would take him away from here. Or maybe it would give him the clone that he had always wanted. So he pressed the button.
Badrang slashed at some bushes with his sword. When he had cloned himself, the sword which he had stolen was cloned too. Now he had his own and that mouse would get a copy of it. The stoat sniggered with evil glee. Suddenly something came crashing down on him. At first he thought that it was a chunk of a falling star so that he could make another sword out of it, but then he looked and saw a little fox sitting on him. The fox's eyes were shut tight and he was cringing.
Badrang shook the fox off of him and growled, "Who are ye and why'd ye fall on me?"
The fox stood up and stumbled about dazedly, "I'm, er, Badredd." he said.
Badrang stared at him, "Badredd?" he asked.
Badredd nodded, "Aye! Badredd. Now why is that in italics?"
The stoat snorted, "I dunno. My name's Badrang the Former Tyrant of Marshank."
"Badrang?" Badredd asked.
"Aye, Badrang. You got a problem with that, runt?"
"No. Why do our names sound so similar?"
"Who cares. Now, why did you fall on me?"
Badredd shrugged and held out his MTSTD. "I was walking in da woods and I saw this. Then I pressed the button an'.... poof! I'm here."
Badrang stared at the fox's outstretched paw. "What are you talking about? There's nothing there! You're insane."
Badredd looked down at the object in his paw. He read the small print on the side: 'Only visible to characters from Loamhedge.' He scratched his head and looked at Badrang, "Are you from another book?"
The stoat growled, "How should I know? What's it matter anyhow?"
Badredd looked back down at the MTSTD, "Er, nothing."
Badrang looked at him suspiciously but said nothing.
After awhile of Badrang muttering to himself and Badredd wondering what was up with his MTSTD, the fox said, "Um.... what so what have you been up to?"
Badrang grumbled a bit and shrugged, "Oh, nothing much, just killing, plundering, conquering, enslaving.... that kinda stuff."
Badredd's eyes went wide, "You mean that you're a real warlord?!"
Badrang nodded, "Of course! I'm Badrang the Former Tyrant of Marshank."
"Aye, I gave it up awhile ago. Too much stress."
Badredd looked at the stoat in awe, "Can... can I be a captain in your mighty horde?"
Badrang glared at him, "I just said I gave that up."
Badredd looked at the ground, "Oh. ok." Then he looked at Badrang, "Can I follow in your mighty, evil pawsteps?"
The stoat sighed. "I guess so. As long as ye don't get in my way."
He started walking along again and Badredd followed him, asking, "Would you like to have some evil adventures with me and my.... strange-looking object?"
Badrang looked down at the fox's paw. Then he shook his head and muttered, "Stupid runt."
All day he tried to get away from Badredd's pestering until finally he whirled on him and said, "Alright, alright! I'll go on your little 'evil adventures'! So now, what do we do?"
Badredd pointed to the MTSTD in his paw, "I think that we press this button...."
Then he did, and.....
Chapter Two- Cwown Pwince Woopert
They appeared in the middle of a large grove of trees. Badrang glared around, "Okay, where are we?" Badredd shrugged, "I dunno."
Badrang glared at him, "What do ya mean you don't-"
He was interrupted by a very squeaky, very annoying, very lispy voice. "Who awe you and why do you not bow befowe the Cwown Pwince Woopert?"
They both turned to see a small, fat squirrel standing behind them, surrounded by other squirrels who were not small and fat.
Badrang sneered. "And why should the tyrant of Marshank bow before a stupid liddle squirrel?"
Badredd interrupted. "I thought that you were the former-"
Badrang glared at him. "Shut your trap."
The little fat squirrel pounded his footpaw on the ground. "Bow befowe me or die, wetch!"
Badredd started to bow, but the stoat kicked him. "You moron! We don't bow to stupid, fat squirrelbabes!" He snarled at Roopert, "We eat them!"
Roopert didn't seem scared. He laughed a very squeaky, very annoying, very lispy laugh. "Empty thwets, vewmin! Guawds, seize dese insowent cwetuwes!"
Suddenly squirrels appeared from every tree around, with arrows pointed at them. Badredd cowered on the ground and Badrang rolled his eyes. He drew his sword and growled, "If you want a fight...."
Suddenly he charge them, roaring, "For..... um... something!!!!" Badredd cowered even more as arrows zoomed overhead. The squirrels fled in all directions when they saw the stoat with the sword charge them, roaring, "For....um... something!!!!"
Suddenly, a pebble came from nowhere and hit Badredd on the bottom. He gave a yelp and leaped up, bumping into Badrang and sending the MTSTD flying. The stoat's sword buried into the ground right in between Roopert's footpaws. The squirrel squealed and ran away, shrieking. "Hewp! Muwdew!"
Badrang smiled, "Haha! Run yew liddle fat squirrel! I'll get you!" Then another pebble came from nowhere and hit him on the ear. He snarled and looked around, "Who did that?"
Badredd whaled, "Thar she blows!"
"Not that kinda whaling, idiot!"
"Oh, sorry."
Badredd wailed, "Let's get out o' here!"
Badrang stuttered, "Wait, no...!"
Then Badredd grabbed a stick and pushed the button on the MTSTD with it.
Chapter Three- I believe in the Deepcoiler!
They landed with a whump on a small beach near a large lake. Badrang glared around, "Okay, where are we?"
Badredd shrugged, "I dunno. Wait, you said that last time."
Badrang was about to kick him when a group of creatures came over towards them. It was a motley group of both vermin and woodlanders. Some of them held binoculars and others had on T-shirts that had writing on them.
One of them, a vole, called out, "Hoi there! Have you two travelers come touristing?"
Badredd was about to reply, when Badrang said, "I have no idea what that means, but whatever it is, we aren't doin' it."
The vole chuckled, "Well have you come to see if'n you can find the famous Deepcoiler?"
Badredd scratched his head, "What's that?"
The vole looked surprised. "You mean that you've never heard of the Great Inland Lake Monster? The Deepcoiler?!"
Badredd was about to reply again, when Badrang said, "No, and we don't care to. Alright fox, push the button again, I'm getting' out o' this loony bin!"
Badredd nodded and then after looking around, said hesitantly, "Um.... I can't find it."
The stoat was furious. "What'dya mean you can't find it?!"
Badredd shrugged, "It's gone. See?" He held out his empty paw.
Badrang groaned, "I could never see it anyways! Ohhh, now what are we going to do?"
The vole piped up, "Maybe you could come with us! We have food, an' we could show you our gift shop."
"Gift shop?!"
A few minutes later....
Badrang and Badredd sat at a table in a small cottage, staring around at the decorations. There were pictures, pieces of cloth, bones, and many other strange things hanging on the walls. There were also racks of clothing with sayings like: 'I believe in the Deepcoiler!'
Badredd asked. "What is this?"
A nearby rat answered, "It's the official Deepcoiler Searchers gift shop and museum. We spend our lives trying to find that famous creature that lurks these waters. See!" The rat pointed to a blurry picture on the wall of a huge, snake-like thing eating a fox. Beneath it, was what looked like a squirrel in a boat.
Badrang snorted, "So? What's that prove? It could be a boat with something attached to it!"
The rat shook his head, "No, this picture has been looked at by professionals. It's genuine."
Badrang was still not convinced. "I'm still not convinced!"
The rat rolled his eyes. "Then why don't you come out to the lake and see the proof for yerself?"
They went outside and saw groups of creatures standing by the lake, peering out carefully. Badrang scoffed. "It still doesn't prove anything!"
The rat pointed down at an object on the sands below. They walked down to it and saw that it was the skeleton of some huge, serpentine creature. Badredd stared at it in awe and horror, "What is it?"
The rat pointed to a plaque. "This is the actual skeleton of the original Deepcoiler. And if there was one, we expect to find more. That is our mission."
They stared at the skeleton for awhile, then Badrang grumbled, "Fine, that's proof enough, but I don't care about all this. We need to find that, er.... thingy."
"There it is!"
Badredd was pointing to the skeleton. It the middle of it, surrounded by white, sun-bleached ribs, was the MTSTD.
Badrang grumbled and turned to the rat. "Can we go in there and get that?"
The rat bit his lip. "Well... I don't know...."
"To bad."
The stoat leaped over the short fence that surrounded it and tried to look for an opening. When he saw none that were big enough for him, he called out, "Hey, Badblue or whatever you name is, get over here and squeeze between these bones!"
Badblue came over and-
"It's Badredd!"
Badredd came over and squeezed his smaller body in between the ribs, while the rat wrung his paws and called out warnings.
Badredd grabbed the MTSTD and was about to press the button, when Badrang growled, "Not yet, idiot! Get out o' there!"
The fox started to come out, when he suddenly got stuck. He tried frantically to get loose, but it was no use.
"Hey that rhymes!" he said.
Badrang snarled, "I know that, you fool, just get out!"
"I can't, I'm stuck!"
Badrang rolled his eyes and drew his sword. "Why do I have to do everything myself?"
As he raised the sword back, the rat shouted, "No, don't damage it! It's very valuable!"
The stoat chopped at a bone, then turned and glared at him. "Go jump in the lake and drown, you obsessed freak!"
Badredd whimpered, "Don't hurt me!"
Badrang grinned, "I'll try to." But with the next swing, the fox was free. He leaped up and pressed the button.
"Wait, you-"
Chapter Four- Of reformed rats and revised boats
When they appeared again, they found that they were on another beach.
"Great, another beach." Badrang grumbled.
Badredd started making a sandcastle, "I like the beach."
Badrang kicked him, "Well I don't! Now let's find out where we are."
"We're at the beach."
"I mean specifically, you slugbrain!!"
They looked around and Badredd pointed, "Look! Over there."
They saw a small shack by the sea with a sign on top of it saying: 'Blaggut's Boat Shop'. Badredd started running towards it, "Maybe we can buy a boat!"
"With what?"
"I dunno. We'll find something."
Badrang muttered and cursed to himself and followed the fox. They soon got to the shack and saw a fat searat siting on a bench and sewing a sailcloth.
He looked up at them and grinned, "Hello! I'm Blaggut, an' welcome to me boat shop! Would you like to buy or rent a boat?"
Badrang growled, "No, we're not-
But Badredd interrupted him, "Sure!"
The searat stood and walked over to a desk. He picked up a paper and gave it to Badredd. "Here's me catalog." Badredd looked at it and pointed to one of the choices. "Dat one!"
Blaggut looked at it and nodded, scratching his chin. "Ah, the super-deluxe model. I think I have a few o' those in stock. I'll go check."
He went outside the shack and they followed him.
Badrang asked, "So why is a searat like you runnin' a boat shop when you should be out plundering the seas?"
Blaggut chuckled and shook his head, "No, I gave up all that awhile ago. I'm a reformed searat now."
Badrang stumbled back as if he had been given a blow to the stomach. "You.... wha.... you're a.... Since when has there been such a thing as a good vermin?!"
The searat shrugged, "Since me I suppose. I don't like the killin' an' fightin' an' all that stuff. I want to live peacefully."
Badrang still stood with his mouth wide open. "Why you.... you're a disgrace to all vermin kind!"
"Yeah!" Badredd chimed in.
The stoat glared at him. "And so are you!"
Suddenly a pebble came hurdling out of nowhere and hit Badrang on the leg. He yelled and glared about. "Alright, who did that?!"
Badredd shrugged and Blaggut seemed to ignore him. The rat pointed to a small boat that lay beached on the sand. "There it is!" he said, "The super-deluxe rowboat!"
Badrang stared at the small boat. "That is the super-deluxe model??"
Blaggut patted it's hull, "Aye! Most of me other un's are made out o' barrels, but this un is a real boat! Would you like to buy or rent it?"
Badrang growled again. "No we're not-
But Badredd interrupted him again. "Sure!"
They followed Blaggut back to the shack and he stood behind the desk, scribbling on a piece of paper with a pencil. "Er, er... that'll be..... er...." he laughed apologetically "I was never to good at figurin'."
Badrang grabbed the piece of paper and looked over it. At first he nearly fell over at the price printed on it, but then he narrowed his eyes and lied. "It says that the super-deluxe model is free to all awesome stoats and runty foxes."
He handed the paper back to Blaggut, who scratched his head and wondered aloud. "I don't remember puttin' that, but okay!"
They went outside again and Badredd whispered to Badrang. "I didn't see that on there."
The stoat kicked him. "Shut up."
Blaggut checked over the boat once more, then held his paws open to it. "Alrighty, 'tis all yours!"
The stoat and the fox climbed in and Blaggut pushed them out to sea. As they went off, he waved to them. "Good-bye! Enjoy your boat!"
They (or actually just Badredd) rowed along, and Badrang grinned. "Normally I wouldn't dream of buyin' something from a reformed vermin, but at least we now have a mode of transportation that's not invisible!"
The sun shone down on the little boat that drifted alone in the open sea.
After awhile Badredd started complaining, "I'm tired! Are we there yet? Why aren't you rowing too?"
Badrang glared at him. "I'll answer those in order. One: I don't care, keep rowing! Two: No, and if we were we'd be there right now. Three: Because I need a big, strong beast like you to keep this boat going for awhile. There, you happy?"
Badredd puffed up his chest with pride. "Oh boy! Yes, I'll keep us going! I need to work these big muscles!"
They drifted along.
One hour later
"Row, row, row yer boat, gently down the-"
"Shut up."
Two hours later
"There's a hole in the bottom of the sea, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a hole, there's a hole-"
"Shut up."
Three hours later
"Michael row the boat ashore, Hallelu-"
Four hours later
"That's it!" Badrang snarled. He stood up and held out his paw. "Give me the device thingy."
Badredd pulled it out of his pocket. "You mean the MTSTD?"
"Yeah, whatever. Give it to me."
"Because we're going nowhere, now give it to me or just push the button!"
"No, wait-"
Chapter Five- Don't do drugged fruit
They appeared on an island in the middle of the ocean-
"Well where else is an island supposed to be?"
"In a lake?"
"Shut up."
They appeared on an island. On the beach of the island.
"Can't we go anywhere that isn't a beach?!" Badrang growled.
Badredd's stomach growled too. "I'm hungry." he complained.
The stoat glared at him, "Well who do I look like? Wolfgang Puck? Go find somethin' to eat, moron!"
So Badredd wandered off, grumbling, and Badrang stayed behind, grumbling.
Then he heard the fox's voice. "Hey, I found some fruit o'er here! A whole pile of it!"
Badrang went over towards the voice and saw Badredd sitting on the beach, stuffing exotic and not-so-exotic fruit in his mouth.
Badrang rolled his eyes. "You idiot, you don't just eat a pile o' food that's sittin' around! It could be-" *Hic!*
Badredd stood dazedly and tottered around. He stuffed a pear in his face and grinned stupidly. *Hic!*
Badrang groaned. "Oh you little... it is-"
Suddenly a rain of spears, arrows, and stones flew over them. Badredd had fallen over and Badrang ducked. Drums pounded and small shapes ran out on the beach and dragged the unconscious Badredd away.
When it was all over, Badrang got up and looked around. Badredd was gone. He was finally free of that annoying little fox! He was about to dance an Irish jig, when he remembered something.
The MTSTD. He groaned. Now he would have to go and save that annoying little fox to get the device thingy back. Forget the Irish jig.
Badrang stalked through the undergrowth of the island. It was like a jungle. Only without monkeys and bongo music. A huge mountain was in the center of the island.
Suddenly a badger in full armor came charging out of it, shouting, "Euuulaaaaaliiiaaaaaa!!!"
"No, not that mountain!" Badrang yelled.
The badger disappeared and Badrang breathed a sigh of relief. That would be the worst thing that could happen.
He walked closer to the mountain and saw a tunnel carved into it. He was about to go inside, when he tripped on something. It was a brown leather hat and a whip. He picked it up and looked at it. "Might as well disguise myself." he thought. He put on the hat, stuck the whip in his belt and went on into the cave-tunnel.
As he walked carefully along the torch-lite passageway, he stepped on one of the floor tiles. Suddenly small darts shot out of the walls and the stoat threw himself to the floor. Exciting adventure music started to play. Badrang grumbled and crawled along the floor, avoiding the floor tiles. At the end of the passageway was a large cavern. He sneaked up and hid behind a rock near the entrance.
He saw Badredd hanging upside-down and all of the little figures, (which turned out to be small, rat-like creatures) dancing on the rocks and ledges around. They chanted.
"Y-M-C-A! Ev-er-y day!"
Badrang rolled his eyes. Weirdos.
Suddenly they stopped as another figure came in. It was a tall, oddly-dressed female weasel, with dyes and clay painted on her face. Badrang stared at her. She was the most barbarically beautiful creature he had ever seen! He continued staring at her as she raised her stick thing and pointed it at the still unconscious Badredd.
Badrang was still staring when she hissed. "Ko Slarisssssss!"
All of the little rat-things stopped singing 'YMCA' and started chanting. "Ko Slarisssssss!"
Badrang's attention was turned to another cave in the side of the bigger cave. A long, green snake came out of it, it's forked tongue flickering as it came towards Badredd.
Badrang shuddered. "Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?"
He was about to turn and run, leaving Badredd to be snake-chow, when he remembered. The MTSTD.
"Drat." he muttered, and drew his whip and sword. He ran forward into the cave roaring. "For.....um.....something!" He swung the sword and cut Badredd loose.
When the fox fell on his head, he woke up, moaning. "Oooohhh..... now I know why they tell you to not take drugs!"
"I could've told you that, idiot!" snarled Badrang "Now let's find a way out o' here!"
All of the little rat-things leaped at them, waving spears, clubs, and pennants with 'Slariss' written on them. The snake and the weasel sat back and stared as Badrang yelled at Badredd while kicking and whacking rat-things around everywhere.
The stoat kicked Badredd and a rat-thing at the same time, yelling. "Push the button!"
Badredd kicked the same rat-thing that Badrang had kicked and said. "I can't find it!" Badrang looked around desperately but then remembered that it was invisible to him.
Badredd pointed. "There it is!" It lay on the ground a short ways away and they both lunged for it. Badredd grabbed it and pushed the button.
Chapter Six- Peace out!
They appeared on another island, but not on a beach.
"Hey look!" said Badredd "We're not on a beach!"
Badrang was too relieved to kick him.
Just then they saw a hedgehog approach them. He was dressed strangely, with flowers wreathed in his spikes and wearing a tye-dye T-shirt with a rainbow on it. He called out to them.
"Good karma to you my brothers! And welcome to Peace Island! Would you like to try our organically grown fruits and vegetables?"
Badredd shook his head, "No thanks. Last time I ate fruit I got drugged."
The hedgehog shrugged. "Well we here on Peace Island don't mix our food and drugs."
Badrang gave a groan as if he was in pain and slowly slapped a paw across his eyes. "What....have I done.....to deserve.....this.....?!"
A mouse in armor suddenly appeared. "Do you want me to go through the list?"
Badrang jumped. "Where'd you come from?!"
"I'm the spirit of Martin the Warrior, I can go wherever I want."
Badrang stared at him. "You mean.....you're..... dead?"
"Um.... yeah."
The blast of sound-waves that came next would be talked about for years to come. It spread across the island and over the ocean, destroying ships in it's wake. It spread over the land, knocking down trees along it's path. A random squirrel and a random ferret were fighting and they were both knocked over flat. A random hare was taking some random Dibbuns out for a stroll and they were knocked over. A random mouse was sitting on a log and he was knocked over. All of this random information is useless and I might as well get to the point: What caused the random explosion of sound-waves that knocked everybeast over.
Badredd and the hedgehog were knocked over as well. Badredd held a paw to his head. "Woh..... what happened?"
Martin's spirit stared at Badrang. "Wow. I was expecting more of a reaction than that, but...."
Badrang danced around. "Hahaha! You're dead! You're dead! Haha- " Suddenly he stopped. "Wait. That means that you're now with your girlfriend again.... and..... you're probably happy......."
Martin smirked. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!"
Badrang jumped at Martin but he went right through him. The mouse spirit stuck his tongue out at him. "Nyah nyah! Sucker!" and then he disappeared.
Badredd blinked and stared at Badrang as the stoat scrabbled furiously at the spot where Martin had faded away. "What's up with him?" the fox asked.
Before the hedgehog could answer, Badrang came up, muttering and panting. "Alright runt, push the button. I already hate this crazy place."
Badredd glared at him. "But they're friendly here! I wanna check it out."
The hedgehog grinned and motioned to them. "Then come on my brothers! Let us feel the peace and oneness with nature here on Peace Isle!"
Badrang doubled over in as if in pain as he followed the hedgehog and the fox. If he wasn't in so much pain he would make this place into Badrang-slaughtered-everyone Island.
A few minutes later they arrived at the valley that was the main meeting place of the Peace Island inhabitants. They were all hedgehogs, and dressed similarly like the first one that Badrang and Badredd had met. Some of them played guitars and held paws while in weird positions, while others went around hugging every tree they saw.
Badrang sighed and glared about. "What sort of loony bin is this place?"
The hedgehog stared hard at him. "So I suppose you want to use pesticides and increase CO2 emissions? And how about promoting world peace? Oh, stoat-who-has-come-to-disrupt-our-peaceful-existence?"
Badrang winced and coughed. "No thanks strange-flowery-hedgehog-who-has-lost-sanity. I think I'm allergic to peace."
Badredd was dancing and throwing flowers about with a group of young hedgehogs. He laughed, "I like this! I want to grow out my hair!"
"You idiot!!" Badrang almost screamed, "If you don't get over here in three seconds flat, I'll flay ya alive!!"
There was a hush over the valley and everybeast stared at him except for Badredd, who was too busy eating an organically grown apple.
Badrang grinned wickedly. "And on top o' that I'll.... I'll.... I'll chop down every tree I see and get non-organic fruit! As well as eat red meat! So there!"
The leader hedgehog came forward and frowned at the stoat. "You vile beast! Are you working for the government?"
Badrang frowned back at him. "No. I only work for myself!"
He suddenly found himself surrounded by angry hedgehogs. "Take him away from here!" the leader hedgehog shouted, "He is a violent destroyer of the earth!"
The hedgehogs all rushed in at Badrang, but the stoat pointed behind them, yelling frantically, "Look! Someone is hunting an endangered species!" All of the hedgehogs turned and Badrang took off, grabbing Badredd as he ran. "Push the button you fool!" he roared.
Badredd scrabbled around for a moment, then he frowned at the stoat. "Why?"
"Because if you don't I'll-"
"Good enough for me."
Chapter Seven- Never play Dodgeball with a Monitor
They poofed up on.....
"Candy Land?"
Um.....no. Another island.
"Aw, man!"
But before the two could get a look at their surroundings....
They both hit the dirt as three coconuts flew overhead. Badrang peered up and saw a two groups of creatures standing away from each other. One of the groups was a bunch of corsair vermin, and the other was a bunch of lizards. Badrang got up and glared around.
"Alright, who threw those coconuts at me?!"
"Us." said Badredd.
"Well I don't care about you..."
A ferret ran up to them, ducking every now and then. "Hoi there, are ye on our side?"
Badrang snorted. "What d'ya mean your side? What's goin' on?"
The ferret explained hastily, "This is the Isle of Sampetra an' ever since ol' Mad Eyes kicked the bucket we've been stuck here with all o' these lizards."
They walked over to the middle of the valley and the ferret held up his paws. "Time out!"
The lizards growled and hissed, but the vermin cheered.
The ferret pointed down at a line drawn on the ground. "This line separates us an' the lizards,"
"So that you don't go on the other side of the island?" Badredd asked.
The ferret laughed nervously, "Ehehe..... um, actually it's the dodgeball line."
"The what?!"
Then out of the blue, two coconuts came hurling out of the blue.
"You just repeated yourself."
Sorry. Anyway, one of the coconuts whacked Badredd on the head and he was knocked out. The ferret glared at the lizards. "Hey, I didn't say time in!"
The Monitors grinned evilly and flexed their claws.
Badrang picked up a coconut. "So the point is to smack the lizards with these?"
The ferret dodged a flying coconut and nodded. "Aye, that's the point. But our teams gettin' killed. Almost literally."
He pointed at a searat that had just been hit by a coconut. The searat lay moaning on the ground and two vermin carrying a stretcher came out on the field and took him away.
The ferret sighed. "Ye see, those lizards can hit 'em harder with their tails. Plus they've got hard scales. It's not fair!"
Badrang narrowed his eyes. "Well, you'll be killed no longer! Badrang the Former Tyrant is gonna send 'em home cryin'!"
All of the vermin stopped and stood back as Badrang stepped forward with a coconut in each paw. The lizards grinned and drew back their arms to throw. The high noon sun shone down on them. A tumbleweed rolled by. Badrang spread his feet apart and held his paws ready at his sides.....
Then everything went into slow motion.
The lizard's coconuts zoomed towards Badrang and he went into a matrix roll, tossed his coconuts into the air, then leaped up and kicked them down at his opponents. Three Monitors ran up, their claws loaded with brown, hairy ammo. Badrang's coconuts knocked the lizards down one after the other in succession. Badrang dropped to the ground, landed on all four paws, and, as three coconuts came sailing right towards him, he did a handspring and dodged them. As soon as they hit the ground, he picked them up and threw them, taking out two lizards. The vermin watched in awe as Badrang knocked out every lizard on the opposite team.
Then it was all over. The slow motion stopped, and all of the corsair vermin came running out, cheering.
They raised Badrang high on their shoulders and chanted, "Badrang! Badrang! Badrang the Dodgeball King!"
"I prefer the title of.... tyrant."
"Badrang! Badrang! Badrang the Dodgeball Tyrant!"
The stoat smiled and gloated. If only Clogg could see him now!
Over on the bench, Badredd sat, rubbing his head. "Ooooh.... what happened?" He looked up at the vermin all cheering for Badrang and it all came back to him. He looked at the lizards all lying unconscious on the other side of the field. Badrang had taken out all of the lizards! And now he was the king of the island!
Badredd grinned. Badrang would probably make him a captain or something. Then he could tell everybeast what to do! If only Flinky could see him now!
But then a sudden thought struck him. "Ow!"
He picked up his MTSTD.....
Badrang came over to him, a crown on his head and two vermin behind him, fanning him with palm leaves. "Well runt, how do'ye like yer new king, eh?"
A tear ran down Badredd's cheek. "I'm..... *sniff* allergic to........coconuts....."
Badrang saw him raise his finger to push the invisible button. "NO!! No you idiot, I-"
Chapter Eight- It's Karangool! It's Groddil! No, it's....
When they appeared once more they found that they were in a pitch-black tunnel.
"Hey, I can't see!" Badredd complained.
Badrang ground his teeth. "And it's good for you that I can't see because when I find you I'm gonna-"
Before he could say what he was gonna do, Badredd changed the subject. "Did ya notice that we haven't been hit by those pebbles for about three poofs?"
Badrang grumbled, "So? Do you want to get hit by 'em?"
Just as he spoke, four pebbles came hurdling out of nowhere. Two hit Badrang and two hit Badredd.
Badrang cursed, "<CENSORED>!!"
Badredd moaned, "I go'rt 'it on me w'lip! It'sh sthwollen!"
Badredd sighed. "I thsaid I got-"
He was interrupted by voices from down the tunnel, and a light floated towards them. They blinked in the light and saw that they were surrounded by....
"Blue vermin?!?!"
One of the strangely-colored vermin, a weasel with a shade of dark cerulean, came forward and said, "We are of the Blue Hordes of mighty Lord Ungatt Trunn. Who are you and why are you not among our ranks?"
Badrang snarled, "Listen freak, I don't even know where I am or what's going on, but if'n you don't get out of my face, I'll-"
Suddenly the weasel (and all of the other blue vermin) stood to attention and saluted, with scared faces.
Badrang smirked, "Hah! See? Now you'll show proper respect to a real warlord!"
The weasel said shakily, "C-captain in Chief Karangool!"
Badrang stared at him. "What? No, my name is-"
The weasel motioned behind Badrang, "He is right behind you, fool! Stand to attention!"
Badrang turned and saw only Badredd, who stood hiding in the half-light.
The stoat turned back and snorted, "That's only a stupid, scrawny liddle wimp of a fox; why're you idiots saluting him?"
The weasel glared at him. "How dare you insult the Captain in Chief under Lord Trunn!" he turned to Badredd. "What shall we do with this insolent beast, Captain?"
Badredd was still rubbing his swollen lip and trying to figure out what was going on. So far he realized that these blue vermin thought that he was someone named Karangool. He said, "R'ell, eh, I dunno what'th goin' on, but..." Then it hit him.
Badredd grinned wickedly and said, in as commanding a tone as he could, "Dis phool ish ter be moi s'ave!"
Badrang stared in complete horror at the little fox. He gasped, "Bu... wha....I....you...."
The blue vermin grabbed him. "Shall we make him one of us now Captain?"
"Er... eh, yesth! 'E ish one o' u'rs noaw!"
The vermin grabbed Badrang and held him down as the weasel grabbed a bucket. Badrang kicked and cursed at them, but before he could break free....
He was covered from head to paws in....
"Blue paint?!?!"
The weasel shrugged. "Well we ran out of the blue powder, and we found some cans of paint in the hare's garage, so Lord Trunn told us to use that."
Badrang rolled around and tried to wipe the paint off of his fur, but it was stuck.
He ran over to Badredd and screamed in his face, "What are ye doing, fool?! Get us out of here!!"
Badredd pulled himself away from the frantic blue stoat and sniffed. "Take 'im 'way an' make 'im work fo' me!"
The blue vermin dragged Badrang away and the weasel turned to Badredd. "What are your orders now Captain?" he asked.
Badredd rubbed his lip and said, "Er... I-"
Just then a blue rat came running up. "Lord Trunn wishes to see Captain Karangool. So if'n you see him-"
The weasel said, "The Captain is right here."
The rat looked at Badredd and frowned. "I always thought he was taller..."
The weasel shrugged. "I guess he just looks taller on TV."
Badredd was about to ask what he meant, when the rat said, "Well, Lord Trunn wants to see him anyway."
They both turned to Badredd. The little fox gulped and said, "Well, eh... oh yeah, leth's go!"
He strode off with the other vermin following behind. Then he stopped and turned to them sheepishly. "Uh.... I forgot wherw it iths..."
The rat then led the way. "Just follow me Captain."
They soon came into a large room. At the back was a table with several boxes on it and by the table stood a wildcat.
Badredd and the blue vermin group came in and the rat announced, "Lord Trunn, Captain and Chief Karangool has arrived!"
Ungatt Trunn turned to him. "Well duh, I already knew that. He's standing right over there."
He pointed to a tall fox standing to the side.
The rat and the weasel both stared at Badredd. But before the little fox could say anything, Ungatt Trunn smiled and ran over to Badredd, saying, "Well, well, well, if it isn't Groddil! I always knew that you'd come back someday!"
Badredd blinked. "But I'm not-"
"Come now Groddil, you know that I don't hold grudges! Come and eat at my table; I just had a pizza delivered. Enjoy!"
Badredd sat the the table and opened one of the boxes to find a steaming hot pizza. He licked his lips. "Oh boy, food!"
Trunn grinned. "Yes, eat all that you want my friend!" He turned to Karangool and whispered, "Is that the pizza with the poison in it?" The tall fox nodded.
Badredd grabbed a piece and raised it to his mouth.
Meanwhile Badrang was standing among the common vermin soldiers, fuming and cursing. A vermin officer came up and glared at him. "Silence idiot, or you shall answer to Lord Trunn!"
Badrang punched him full in the face. "Well maybe I do want to answer ter him, fleabrain!"
Suddenly Badrang took off. He grabbed a random vermin and snarled, "Where's this Trunn moron?!"
The vermin pointed down the tunnel and Badrang took off again. He entered Ungatt Trunn's chamber just as Badredd was about to eat the poisoned pizza. The stoat screamed, "You freakin' idiot! Get over here and push that button thing!!"
Badredd stopped and waved to him. "Oh hey there! Want some pizza?"
Ungatt Trunn glared at Badrang. "Who is this common vermin?"
Badrang glared back at him and stood to his full height. "I'm no common vermin! I am Badrang the Tyrant, and I deserve some respect!"
Trunn stood glaring at him, then he said, "Badrang.... Badrang.... I think I've heard that name before...." Then he smiled. "Badrang is it? I think I knew your father, Fred the Tyrant wasn't it?"
Badrang started. "Y-you knew my dad?"
Trunn nodded. "Of course I did! We were on the same golf team together, back in the good old days! So, how have you been fulfilling the dream of vermin world domination recently?"
They sat down at the table and Badrang glanced at Badredd. The little fox was eating the pizza with gusto.
"No, I'm eating with my mouth!"
"Shut up moron!"
Anyway, Badrang said to Trunn, "Er, well... I did have a fortress where I ruled tyrannically with slaves and subservient vermin idiot soldiers and all that..." He motioned to Badredd to push the button, but Badredd was too busy eating.
Trunn grinned. "That's awesome! It's good to hear about some real, down-right evil deeds going on. By the way, what's your fort's name?"
Badrang was all this while glaring and motioning to Badredd, who was still oblivious. He turned quickly to Trunn and said, "What? Oh, eh, it was called...." he glanced at Badredd, "Fort Stoatville."
Badredd looked up. "No, it's not. It was Swampshank or something like dat."
Trunn turned to Badredd. "How do you know that, Groddil?"
Then Badrang snapped. He stood up and snarled, "Are you daft?! He ain't Groodal or whatever; he's just a stupid, mangy, runty, excuse for a flea-brained idiot fox named Badpink!"
Everyone stared at Badrang for a long time.
"Uh, my name is Badredd."
Trunn looked at Badredd. He frowned. "You're right.... that isn't Groddil; he's an impostor!" The wildcat stood up. "Guards! Take these two away! They are trying to spy on me for that badger!"
Badrang growled. "What badger?! Listen you low-life moron, I-"
The blue vermin all came and grabbed Badrang and Badredd. The stoat yelled, "Push the button!!"
Badredd whined as he was dragged away, "I can't reach it!"
Ungatt Trunn said, "Go and execute these fools! Use them as target practice for my archers!"
Badrang's jaw dropped open and hit the floor.
Then out of nowhere the ghost of Skalrag appeared. "Hahahaha! In your face!"
Badrang glared at him and screamed at Badredd, "Push the button!"
Just as the blue vermin were tying them down to targets, Badredd reached down and pushed the button on his MTSTD.
Chapter Nine- Toad Religion 101
When they appeared they were...
"Falling. Oh joy."
They fell through the air and before landing with a thud.
Two pebbles came out of nowhere and hit them.
"Ow again..."
Badrang looked down at his fur. "Aaaauuuggghhhhh!! I'm still blue!!"
Badredd rubbed his bruised rump. "So?"
Badrang didn't even answer him. He turned and saw that they were on a cliff by the sea. He leaped up and jumped over the cliff, hoping to land in the water.
But instead he landed on....
A snake's head.
The snake was busy trying to swallow a large, fat toad, and when Badrang landed on its head, the toad popped right out of its mouth. Badrang glared first at the unconscious snake, then at the still-conscious toad. Suddenly dozens of toads came hopping out from everywhere, croaking, "Bulgum! Buuuulguuummm!"
Badrang snarled, "Get off o' me you stupid fat savages!"
Badredd had just scrambled down the hill when he saw the toads pick up Badrang and carry him on their shoulders. The stoat screamed to him, "You fool! Get these creeps away from me!"
Badredd jumped down the hill just as the snake was regaining his senses. He too landed on its head and knocked it out again. The toads all rushed him and picked him up as well, croaking, "Bulgum! Bulgum!"
Badrang growled and kicked out. "What're you doin', you filthy slimeballs?!"
Badredd scratched his chin. "This reminds me of that scene in Star Wars with the Ewoks...."
Badrang snapped at him. "I don't care about stupid Wewaks! I'm getting away from these freaks!"
He leaped down from the toads, but they grabbed him and set him up on a high rock. Badredd was set next to him. Then all of the toads bowed down to them, calling, "Bulgum! Bulgum!"
Badrang frowned. "What are those idiots doing?"
Badredd stared at the toads. "I think they're.... worshiping us. Like the Ewoks did to C3PO."
Badrang glared at him. "How do you know that stuff?"
Badredd shrugged. "I don't know. I think it's the MTSTD thingy."
Badrang looked back at the toads and grinned wickedly. "Well if they think I'm their king or deity or something, let 'em! Heh, I could use some respect."
Badredd blinked. "What about me?"
The stoat snorted. "Bah! They couldn't care less for you! Watch, I'll get off the rock and then they'll all turn towards me."
He leaped off the rock, but before he could move, a big toad, bigger than all the others, came forward. It was, in fact, the same toad that Badrang had "saved" from the snake. It pointed a trident at Badrang and said, "Bulgum! Bulgum! Heyahooya, Bulgum! Crrkkk!"
Badrang rolled his eyes. "Well Bulgum to you too fatso!" The toads pushed him back up onto the rock.
Badredd wondered aloud, "I wonder what Bulgum means....?"
Badrang smirked. "You moron, it's obvious. It means a leader or lord of some kind. Hah, watch this..."
The stoat stood up and shouted, "Mighty Bulgum Badrang tells you all to shut up with your croaking and serve me some good food!"
All of the toads stared blankly at him. Badredd whispered, "I don't think they understood you...."
Badrang glared at him. "Oh, ya think?!" He turned back to the toads and pointed at the leader. "You, fatty whatsyourface, can you understand me?"
The big toad stared blankly as well.
Badrang grumbled something about uncivilized reptiles.
"Er, actually they're amphibians." Badredd said.
Badrang glared at him.
For the next hour Badrang tried again and again to communicate with the toads, but they all just stared blankly. Then Badredd stood up and said, "I'm hungry! Bulgum Badredd wants food!"
The toads suddenly all smiled and nodded. Some of them went off somewhere while the others croaked, "Bulgum! Bulgum!"
Badredd looked smugly at Badrang. The stoat didn't even glare back.
Soon some toads wearing big chef's hats and carrying silver trays-
"They can't speak like proper creatures and they live in mud-holes, yet they have that stuff?!"
Anyway, they brought the trays up to the two "Bulgums" and opened them. Both the stoat and the fox were disgusted to find....
"Ugh! Worms and mud!? I'm gonna be sick..."
Badredd looked closer and dipped a paw into the "mud". He licked it and said, "Hey.... this ain't mud an' worms.... it's chocolate pudding and gummy worms!"
Badrang looked down at it pulled out a bright orange worm. He inspected it and then popped it into his mouth. "Hmm.... for once, you're right! Dang, this stuff is good!"
Badredd had already downed three cups of the delicacies and was reaching for a fourth. He burped. "Whew! I could get used to this!"
Badrang shoved Badredd's paw away and said, "I already was used to it; but the food back at Marshank was never as good as this!"
Badredd grinned. "Hey, maybe we should stay here and live like kings for the rest o' our lives! This is the best place so far!"
Badrang already had plans of assassinating his co-Bulgum. He grinned back. "Oh, yeah! This is gonna be great! No slave uprisings, no insubordinate minions; yeah, it's the life!"
Badredd leaned back on the rock and sighed happily.
Chapter Ten- Pancakes!!
The next thing they knew, they were standing in a muddy river in the middle of the woods. They both stared straight ahead, their eyes wide in surprise.
Badredd reached into his back pocket and pulled out the MTSTD. "Oops. I must've leaned back and pushed the button on accident. Eh, sorry.... eheheh...."
Badrang growled under his breath. "You wouldn't believe how much I hate you...."
A pebble hit him on the back. "And you wouldn't believe how much I hate whoever's throwing those pebbles...."
Badredd sniffed the air and licked his lips. "Mmmm... I smell food!"
Badrang stared at him. "How can you be hungry after all of that food you gorged on?"
Badredd shrugged. "All of this time-travel gives you an appetite I guess. Come on!"
He ran off in the direction of the smell and Badrang reluctantly followed, grumbling and muttering. They soon came upon a clearing by the river. It was occupied by dozens of scruffy-looking hedgehogs. They all sat at tables and looked as though they were eating. Some stood in a line in front of a big stove.
Badredd sighed longingly. "Ohhh! It smells like pancakes! I want some!"
He was about to rush forward, when Badrang grabbed him and snarled. "You fool! Don't you realize that those spikehogs would attack us the moment they saw us? Now, if we want those pancakes-"
"You mean you want them too?"
Badrang glared at him. "Don't change the subject."
"But I wasn't-"
"Just shut up and listen. Now, if we want those pancakes, then we need to go disguised..."
A few minutes later, two strange-looking creatures strode into the hedgehog's pancake picnic. All of the hogs stared at them as they walked up to the line.
Badredd whined under his disguise, "These thistles are itchy!"
Badrang, also wearing a coat of thistles, growled, "Just shut your trap and act like a hedgehog."
One big hedgehog came up to them and asked, "Hey, I've never seen you two around here afore! Who are ye?"
Badrang answered, trying to make his voice sound hedgehogish, "Why we're new around here an' we heard about these delicious pancakes and decided to try some."
The hedgehog eyed them suspiciously and scratched his chin. Then he grinned and said, "Well then welcome to the annual Dillypin Pancake Festival! Help yourself!"
Badrang breathed a sigh of relief. It finally was their turn to be served. They both walked up to the line and the hedgehog chef plopped two big pancakes on Badredd's plate. Badrang held his plate out, but the hedgehog said, "Sorry, that's the last of 'em. You'll have to wait until we make more batter."
Badrang grumbled under his breath and glared at the hedgehog chef. Then he glanced at Badredd, who was busy pouring syrup on his pancakes. The stoat slipped over to him and swiped the plate from under Badredd's nose.
The little fox whined, "Hey! Why'd you take my pancakes?"
Badrang glared at him. "Because I can. Now get back in line, runt."
Badredd slumped over to the back of the line, moping.
As Badrang sat down at a table to eat, there was a commotion from across the river. The stoat looked up and saw a bunch of the hedgehogs throwing stones and yelling at three vermin on the other side. The vermin took off running.
Badrang rolled his eyes. "Losers."
He was just bringing the first bite to his mouth, when Badredd suddenly sat down next to him, his plate full of pancakes.
Badrang stared at him in disbelief. "How'd you get yer food so fast?"
Badredd stuffed some pancake in his mouth and said, "Mumph grumph umph!"
Badrang groaned and glared at Badredd. He turned to a nearby hedgehog. "What's the deal with the super-fast pancakes?"
The hedeghog grinned. "Why it's Great Aunt Lollery's patented Super-Fast-Pancake-Batter. It makes pancakes super fast."
Badrang nodded sarcastically. "Uh huh. That's what I figured."
Badredd gulped down some pancake and said to Badrang, "Oh, did you see those three vermin across the river? Two of 'em were stoats like you Badrang! Haha....ha...."
His voice died away as all of the nearby hedgehogs stared at them.
Badrang face-palmed. "You blew it, kid."
Suddenly one hedgehog said, "Hey, they're not real hedgehogs! They're vermin! Get 'em!"
All of the hedgehogs jumped on top of the two vermin.
Badrang screamed to Badredd as he kicked and shoved hedgehogs out of the way, "Push the button you moron!!"
Badredd pushed it and POOF! went Badrang, Badredd, and all of the Dillypin hedgehogs.
Chapter Eleven- How Badrang and Badredd, along with all of the Dillypins, arrived in a place they didn't want to be. (Also entitled: A very short chapter with a very long title)
Badrang and Badredd, along with all of the Dillypins, poofed up in a large, sandstone quarry.
Badrang glared at Badredd. "Push the button."
Chapter Twelve- Utter Confusion and Pony Rides
When they poofed up again they were in a wide, random field. Without the Dillypins.
Badredd looked around. "Hey, where'd those hedgehogs go?"
Badrang snorted. "They could've all got eaten by snakes if I care. Come on, let's find out where we are."
They both looked around the wide random field, and found that it was completely empty. Except for the obvious long line of various creatures standing some yards away.
Badredd pointed at the obvious long line of various creatures. "Hey, look at that obvious long line of-"
"Oh shut up!"
They walked over towards the obvious.... the line.
Badrang spoke to a random creature. "Hey, what's up with this obvious long line of various... oh dang it, now I'm saying it!"
The random creature, (who just happened to be Scarum) said, "Why it's the flippin' line to go to the bloomin' pony rides, as you should jolly well know, wot wot!"
Badrang stared at him for a moment, then muttered, "Hares...."
Badredd spoke up, "What's a pony ride?"
Scarum gulped down a huge ice cream cone that he was eating and said, "Why that bloomin' big feller over there old chap!"
They both looked and across the wide random field, all the way at the end of the obvious long line, was a huge creature that neither Badredd nor Badrang had ever seen before. It was in fact, a horse. The horse. The horse that Cluny the Scourge rode on all the way to Redwall. The horse stood next to a tall ladder. Several creatures in the line climbed up the ladder to sit on the horse. Then it would run off in a circle and come back to let more creatures have a turn.
Badrang stared at it for some time, then he growled, "Bah! This is all probably just a hoax! Where's the guy that runs this gig?"
Scarum stuffed down a huge tub of popcorn and said, "See that stoat chap over there? He's the one."
Badrang narrowed his eyes. "A stoat, eh....? Well, let's just see what this is all about...."
He and Badredd strode over to the stoat that stood by the ladder, taking tickets. Badrang said, "Hoi, who are you and what's this thing all about?"
The stoat turned to them and said, "Oh, I'm Badrag and I'm-"
"Yeah, Badrag. Now why's that in italics? And who are you?"
"I'm Badrang."
"And I'm Badredd!"
"Well how do ye do, Badrang, I-"
"That's Badredd."
"Oh, well I thought you were-"
"He's Badredd, I'm Badrag."
"But I'm Badrag."
"Grrrrr.... Okay, I'm Badrang, he's Badrag..."
"No he's Badrag!"
"You're Badredd."
"Okay, okay, listen! I'm Rang, he's Redd, and you're Rag. There, how's that?"
"So I'm Redd."
"And I'm Rang?"
"No no no! I'm Rang, he's Rag, and- Oh darn, now I'm confused!"
This went on for quite some time. More than some time actually. But to make a long story short-
"I wish you'd make this story short. It's getting on my nerves. Not to mention my blood pressure...."
Well, your readers don't want it short.
"Well who cares what they want! I-"
They all hate you ya know.
"Why?! What'd I ever do to them?!"
Do you want me to call Martin?
"Grumble grump gripe mumble...."
Aaaaanywaaaaaaay....... Badrang and Badredd finally got away from this bad case of utter confusion.
Badredd said, "I want to ride the pony!"
"Aw, why not?"
"Because I said so. Now shut up and sit down."
Badredd sat down and moped. Then he sat up and said, "Do you want me to push the button?"
"NO!!! I've been attacked a billion times and had stupid people annoy me billions of times, so I want to get some rest and wait here for a little bit! Got it?!"
"Good. Now, let me sleep."
Badrang fell asleep under a tree, and Badredd sneaked off into the line. He was walking down the long line towards the end, when he heard a familiar voice call, "Hey, Redd!"
Badredd turned and saw....


text:
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
The wife of Manchester City Football Club owner and former Thai Premier Thaksin Shinawatra was sentenced to three years jail for cheating her country out of millions in a massive tax fraud today.
But then she was released immediately on bail and is expecting to be leaving soon with her husband for the Beijing Olympcis.
Pojaman Shinawatra is unexpected to do any real time in jail in the near future. Dressed in a pale blue suit and a string of pearls, she still looked shocked as the verdict was read.
The appeal process could take over eight years if the case goes to the Supreme Court. The defendants had 'lied, cheated, and conspired to evade taxes, which is regarded as a serious crime,' the judge said at the Criminal Court in Bangkok.
Convicted: Thailand's deposed prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra (L) and his wife Pojaman (R) arrive at the Court in Bangkok today
'The defendants are high-profile and wealthy citizens,' the judge added, remarking that Pojaman's husband 'was the leader of the country and she is obligated to pay taxes as a model for society.'
Pojaman, her brother and secretary were convicted of evading the equivalent of over £10million in taxes in 1997 through a complicated transfer of shares in the family's flagship communications business Shin Corporation that involved placing stocks in the name of one of the family's maids.
Pojaman, 51, was accused of conspiring together with her brother Bhanapot Damapong and her secretary.
Her brother, also received a two-year jail sentence. The secretary, who played a lesser supporting role, was sentenced to two years.
Thaksin's spokesman, Pongthep Thepkanjana said: "Thaksin is not disheartened. They respect the court ruling but it is not the end. We will fight until the end."
In fact it is only the beginning of s series of cases now hitting the courts which have been in the pipeline for two years.
Thailand's Supreme Court decided this week to put Thaksin on trial for corruptly offering the Burmese military junta a low interest loan from the Thai government's Export-Import Bank in a deal to benefit his family's satellite and broadband business.
Both he and Pojaman are also currently on trial for corruptly acquiring land in the centre of Bangkok from a Thai government department at a third of its market price, something akin to Gordon Brown ordering his government to hand over 13 acres of Whitehall.
In another case Thaksin Shinawatra is also accused of initiating a government lottery, the proceeds of which were not properly accounted. As these cases are being heard in the Supreme Court there is no appeal.
With houses in Hong Kong and the U.K. and billons of dollars offshore many people in Thailand have expressed the view that they do not think Thaksin Shinawatra will come back from the Olympics.
But if he does, they say, he is already prepared.
They point to the fact that in an unusual move a recent Cabinet resolution essentially replaced The Director General of Thailand's Prisons, with the former Director General, whom Thaksin appointed.
The outgoing Director-General Wanchai Roujanavong is an authority on international crime and apparently corrupt politicians.
His book 'Organised Crime in Thailand' details how politicians play a major part in organised crime in Thailand, how they avoid tax, buy votes, and to a certain extent control the courts, while at the same time playing the role of benefactor to the people.
He said: 'I expected to be here for another year. But I am a civil servant I must go where I am sent."'
- More about:
- Bangkok
- Punishment
- Tax
- Thaksin Shinawatra


text:
Have you guys seen this? Favorite has to be: Spock is Not Impressed with TPS Reports: http:/
13 Replies
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:02 UTC
Sorry, but the link doesn't seem to be working. I did copy the whole thing, and do it that way, and it worked. What can I say though, there was at least a few things there that impressed the heck out of me.
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:04 UTC
My fave is a toss up between the Moon landing and Manhattan...leaning towards Manhattan for the LOL factor.
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:04 UTC
Ditto on the link...I copied and pasted.
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:06 UTC
Fixed the link for the OP
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:12 UTC
Looks like a copy/paste problem. I fixed the original link.
Spock is probably not impressed with being a cookie jar either:
Jul 28, 2011 at 12:32 UTC
Ferris Bueller is by far the best so far....
Jul 28, 2011 at 1:06 UTC
I'm not impressed.
Jul 29, 2011 at 7:32 UTC
Some good submissions on the site.
Jul 29, 2011 at 8:36 UTC
Thanks for fixing the link, Nic. So many new submissions to this site since yesterday. I love it.
In other news, happy SysAdmin Day!
Jul 29, 2011 at 9:30 UTC
Have you guys seen this? Favorite has to be: Spock is Not Impressed with TPS Reports: http:/
/ spockisnotimpressed.tumblr.com
Cool. Spock is nothing if not irreverent
Jul 29, 2011 at 10:00 UTC
I think we can all agree with Spock on this one..
Jul 29, 2011 at 12:38 UTC
ha ha, yes. spock is NOT impressed by SysAdmin Day ;-)
Jul 29, 2011 at 3:06 UTC
The reflection in the moon man's mirror was pretty slick as well. Even if it does suggest that the whole thing was filmed on a Hollywood set in front of other sci-fi actors. ;)
This discussion has been inactive for over a year.
You may get a better answer to your question by starting a new discussion.


text:
A quick tutorial about how to send direct messages on Twitter.
Here's a quick lesson on how to send a direct message on Twitter.
You first must have a Twitter account - it's not difficult to sign up at www.twitter.com [2] . (You can find more information about Twitter and its uses in my previous blog entry [3].)
To send a direct message, you must first follow the person you wish to message, and they must follow you back. Follow them by searching for their account (Google is the best way to do this). Or you can just enter the Web address for their account. For example, find The News-Gazette's account at www.twitter.com/news_gazette [4] . Click the button just under that person's photo or logo that says "Follow."
In most cases, they'll see you're following them and reciprocate. At that point, either head to the "Direct Messages" tab of your own Twitter account. You can select the username of the account you wish to message. Type in what you want to say, and press send.
Or, head to their Twitter page by either entering their Web address or clicking their username or photo/logo in your Twitter feed. Scroll down on their page and look on the right side for the word "Actions." Here, you should see a link for "message." Click it and type your message in the resulting box. Press send and you should be good to go.
Direct messages are private (unlike Tweets). However, you must still be concise - 140 characters is your limit.
Questions on this? Feel free to e-mail me at mthilmony at news-gazette.com


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About the Book
A photo journal of six Philippine Islands. It is a slice, a tilaw of the Philippines today. A carefully chosen selection of 400+ photos from over 7000 taken. The people, the places, and amazing scenes of nature and history including Corregidor, Tacloban, Ormoc, and underwater coral and fish from Samar and Leyte. The interest and effectiveness of the photos increase as the pages turn.
Tilaw ™ - a taste
Features & Details
- Category Travel
Large Format Landscape, 13×11 in, 33×28 cm
308 Pages
- Publish Date May 25, 2008
- Tags southeast asia, asia, editorials, culture, geography, Samar, rural, snorkeling, history, seas, islands, island, bangka, Baybay, Bay-bay, Cargnocot, Villaba, Ormoc, Tacloban, Leyte, manila, pilipines, pilipino, filipino, coral, Osmena, underwater, Dawahun, Marabut, Visayas, Corregidor, Luzon, Philippine, Philippines, pinoy
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text:
Name: Amy HellkampSchool: Xavier UniversityBirth Date: March 23, 1986Hometown: Cincinnati, OhioYear: Senior, Class of 2008Major: Electronic media

Click here to see a photo gallery of Amy in action.

1. I love Xavier, but I almost went to: I never even questioned it! I have wanted to go to Xavier my entire life. A part of the reason is because I was always such a big Xavier basketball fan that I knew I would never be able to cheer on another school's team!

2. My favorite class is: I took a history of rock 'n roll class last semester which was definitely my favorite. But in general, I enjoy my television studio classes and psychology.

3. Movies I can't live without:Dumb and Dumber, Forrest Gump, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Old School, and Across the Universe.

4. Music I can't live without: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix....Pretty much anything that's classic rock. Also newer bands like The Academy Is. . .

5. TV shows I can't live without:SportsCenter, Project Runway, Friends.

6. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you during a game?: I can't really think of anything that was too embarrassing in college, but in high school I completely wiped out once my freshman year. We were running onto the football field to do a homecoming pep rally performance and my friend in front of me kicked her legs back too high, tripped me a little bit and I fell flat on my face, my pom poms went like 20 feet in the air....it was embarrassing but I just laughed it off.

7. My favorite sport is: I love football, basketball and baseball, but ultimately baseball is my favorite sport.

8. My favorite professional sports teams are: Cincinnati Reds and the Cincinnati Bengals. WHO DEY!

9. My one Guilty Pleasure is: Papa John's Pizza. I've been known to eat whole large boxes by myself sometimes.

10. My best physical feature: Probably my height.

11. Strange and unusual fact about me: Ever since I was little, I've put ketchup on pretty much everything...and a lot of it.

12. My friends would be surprised to know that I: I don't think anything would surprise them at this point.

13. Favorite Foods: Steak, crab legs, Chinese, hummus, Italian, and cereal.

14. Five People I'd Like To Have Dinner With (Living or Dead): Tom Petty, Jim Morrison, Damian Kulash, Christian Siriano and my grandpa who passed away last summer.

15. Three People who annoy me: Liars, pessimists and people who are mean/rude.

16. Next Risk I Want To Take: To start a career in sports broadcasting.

17. If your life had a theme song, what would it be?:With A Little Help From My Friends by The Beatles.

18. What reality show would you do best on and why?: Probably The Real World simply because I could most likely live with six strangers and still manage to get along with them. But then again that show loves drama, so I probably wouldn't be their best choice.

19. If I won the lottery, the first thing I'd buy is: I'd probably just go on a huge shopping spree.

20. Describe the worst date you ever went on: I've never really been on a bad date.


text:
Taking a Stand
Aporia: At this turn's end, Power Gravity wears off meaning Wisel Ein's strength returns to normal.
The Final Emperor
Aporia: When I have 3 or more Steel Pokemon fully charged up, I can bring out their emperor dragon Asterisk ignoring the battle conditions.
Misty: That is...
Aporia: When Asterisk is called out, its strength is equal to the power of all Steel Pokemon that are out.
Max: What can we do against a Pokemon with the strength of a Dragon as well as his Imperials?
Aporia: Now then, since Asterisk is a Dragon Pokemon, Wisel Ein would slam it with 1000 damage, but due to Skiel Ein, Asterisk is unaffected from 1000 or more damage. Also you can't attack a Steel or Dragon Pokemon except him and when you bring out a Pokemon with Level 50 or above that is not Steel, it gets slammed with Nemisis Tornado for 1000 damage.
Max: 1000 damage?
Dawn: Its just like non Normal types being useless.
Misty: This is truely the ultimate Machine Emperor.


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K. Coleman's Garage - BAK Tonneau Covers in Foresters Falls, ON
K. Coleman's Garage
1951 Forester's Falls Road
Foresters Falls, ON K0J 1V0
Province: Ontario Canada
Phone: 613-646-2315
Website: Not Yet Verified
Store Location
As an authorized BAK tonneau cover and accessories dealer, K. Coleman's Garage located in Foresters Falls, ON Canada, is committed to helping you make the best tonneau cover decision for your pick-up truck and your lifestyle. K. Coleman's Garage has been in business for many years and has a wealth of experience when it comes to all sorts of truck bed covers and accessories. K. Coleman's Garage are expert tonneau cover installers and will ensure that your truck bed cover is installed professionally and properly. Simply put, K. Coleman's Garage offers the best choice of soft, roll-up, hard, folding, retractable, and custom fit truck bed covers and accessories. They also sell and install most pickup truck accessories. If you want the best deal on a brand new BAK tonno cover and want it done right, quickly and with no remorse, then head over to K. Coleman's Garage in Foresters Falls your local BAK Industries dealer, needless to say, all of their work is guaranteed!
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text:
Fresh Punch by ClovisthequeenWatch
©2005-2017 Clovisthequeen
sewer power!
Sorry bout that, my computer's just gone nuts...
i <3 this. hahaha i've seen an icon on photobucket with this picture cropped..
just love it
wow I fell in love with these chucks!! wonderful colours!!
i looooooove these sneakers!!!!
Coolest shoes evar.
You know what? Your so cool! These shoes are awesome! So colourful! I like where they are positioned as well, with all that extra space surronding them. Added to favourites!
omg i love the shoes they are so wicked
simply L-O-V-E the shoooooooooesss <33333333
cute spider!
Lovely shoes! I fell in love with them ((:
i'm in love with your shoes. in case you were wondering.
I want those shoelaces, heck I want those shoes!!
Amazing :]
I love this picture !!
i love it
i love the shoe doodles
funky !!!!
cool shoes! hope theyre not allstars though...
haha they're fakes from korea
-don't know if i want to support nike...
haha they're fakes from korea
-don't know if i want to support nike...
holy crap, I want those shoes.
such animation in the shoes. you make me feel like im stepping into a cartoon world.
wowah love the shoes
I dont see what it has to do with transpot but i dont care, i love it. You evers shoes they are look like a lot of fun
kewl shoes mate, I gotta pair of customised converse too!


text:
Posted by ESPN.com's Brian Bennett
SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- Instant analysis from USC's 34-27 win at Notre Dame.
How the game was won: As is their usual practice, the Irish made this game come down to the last second. Literally. They had the ball at the USC 4 with nine seconds to play. They squeezed off three plays in that time, but Jimmy Clausen's three pass attempts into the end zone all came up empty, including a last-ditch effort to Duval Kamara after one second was put back on the clock. USC held on -- barely.
Player of the game: Matt Barkley. The USC true freshman outdueled Clausen, completing 19 of 29 passes for 380 yards and two touchdowns. He completed seven straight passes in the third quarter for 195 yards.
Unsung hero of the game: Notre Dame wideout Robby Parris made several huge catches, including a fourth-down grab on the final drive despite being piledrived by USC safety Taylor Mays. Parris helped make up for Michael Floyd's absence with nine catches for 92 yards.
Turning point: The Irish opened the second half with a strong drive inside the Trojans' 30. But James Aldridge got stuffed on a fourth-and-1 attempt, and USC then drove the other way for a touchdown and a 20-7 lead.
What Notre Dame learned: The Irish are tougher and more talented than they've been in years and are inching closer to teams like USC. But they're still not quite there yet. In the end, it's another difficult loss to a top 10 team.
What USC learned: The Trojans are still in the national title hunt, and now they know that they can rely on Barkley to win a game for them if needed.


text:
Reacting to news reports that the FAA has missing data on nearly 120,000 of the nation's 357,000 registered airplanes, retiring Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.), chairman of the Senate aviation subcommittee, is recommending holding congressional hearings. In 2007 and 2008, the agency warned that the problem was causing loopholes that terrorists, drug traffickers and other criminals might exploit. It was concerned that a criminal might use an N-number to slip by computer systems designed to track suspicious flights. The FAA has begun a mandatory re-registration system to clean up the database requiring all aircraft owners to re-register their airplanes over the next three years. Until now, aircraft owners were required to register only once, when they purchased an aircraft. Errors accumulated over the decades as new purchasers forgot to register, owners died, invalid addresses went uncorrected and junked aircraft went unreported. House aviation subcommittee chairman Jerry Costello (D-Ill.) said the FAA needs to update its records but stopped short of calling for hearings.
Dorgan Urges Hearings on Aircraft Registration
- December 14, 2010, 11:46 AM


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The Picture of Dorian Gray
By Oscar Wilde
Gothic Elements
Main Characters
Themes, Motifs, Symbols
More Gothic Elements
About the Author
Main Characters
Dorian Gray - Protagonist; Handsome, impressionable young gentleman
Basil Hallward - obsessed with Gray's charm; painter of Gray's portrait; victim of Gray's corruption
Lord Henry Wotton - Victorian nobleman; Basil's friend, Gray's influence and tempter; "Old Harry"
London in the 1890s
Dorian Gray's Secret Portrait Room/Childhood room
Opium Den
Gothic elements in an Urban Gothic novel
Fleeting youth and beauty
The influence of art
Bargaining with the devil
Consequences of immorality
About the Author: Oscar Wilde
Playwright, novelist, poet, editor
Published "The Picture of Dorian Gray" at age 36
Married Constance Lloyd and had 2 children
But fell in love with Lord Alfred "Bosie" Douglas
Arrested for gross indecency; 2 year sentence of hard labor
Died at age 46 from meningitis
The portrait - reminder; Gray's conscience
Homoerotic relationships - adoration, influence/molding
The colors white vs. scarlet- innocence vs. sin
Portrait - Dorian's conscience
The opium dens - Dorian's state of mind
The yellow book - destructive influence
Lord Henry - the devil
More Gothic Elements
Science used for a negative purpose
Outburst of violence
Damsel in distress
Foreshadowed doom
Preface excerpts
Underlying theme
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General enquiries
+44 (0) 20 7079 4399
Call HCA from 8am-8pm Mon-Fri and 9am-5pm Sat
HCA Healthcare UK
Our Specialists
Mr Michael Oddy
MA MSc MB FRCS(Tr and Orth)
Orthopaedic Surgery - lower limb, Foot Surgery, Ankle Surgery, Trauma
Foot and ankle surgery, sports injuries, trauma and fractures; neuropathic and diabetic foot problems; arthritis, tendon problems, ingrowing toenails
Mr Michael Oddy was appointed as a full time consultant in trauma and orthopaedic surgery at University College London Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust in 2009. His elective practice specialises in foot and ankle surgery and in addition he manages general trauma emergencies. He is a member of the British Orthopaedic Association and the British Orthopaedic Foot and Ankle Society.Having read for a medical and natural sciences degree at Christ's College, University of Cambridge and graduating in 1994, Mr Oddy continued clinical training through the University of Cambridge at Addenbrooke's hospital qualifying with his MB B.Chir in 1996. Following basic surgical training in London, he read for a Master of Science degree at University College London, being awarded a distinction in 2002 with research into tendons. Orthopaedic specialist registrar training on the St Bartholomew's hospital Percivall Pott rotation included foot and ankle posts in Norwich and at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in Stanmore before completing a foot and ankle fellowship in Sheffield. He also has fellowship training in paediatric orthopaedics at the RNOH in Stanmore.Mr Oddy's practice includes all aspects of elective and trauma foot and ankle surgery including fractures, tendon and ligament injuries, arthritis, foot deformity, bunion and toe problems. He also has a particular interest in diabetic and neurological foot problems and is a member of the diabetic foot service at UCLH. He has an ongoing interest in research and is also involved with teaching medical students and orthopaedic trainees at UCL medical school.
© copyright 2008 - 2017 HCA Healthcare UK.
Registered Name: HCA International Limited; The part of the UK in which it is registered: England and Wales;
Registered Number: 03020522; Registered Office Address: 242 Marylebone Road London NW1 6JL.
£500m has been invested by HCA International in the latest medical technologies and facilities over the last 10 years.
Your hospital will be one of our world-class private hospitals: HCA's world-class hospitals are accredited by The CHKS Accreditation Unit, a leading provider of healthcare intelligence and quality improvement services. The accreditation is a measure of the overall quality of a hospital and hospitals with CHKS accreditation have been shown to provide a better quality of service.
Your safety will be protected because we have more critical care beds than any other private hospital group: HCA hospitals achieved 100% compliance with all Care Quality Commission inspected outcomes of care in 2011.
Your treatment will be undertaken using the most advanced diagnostic and treatment facilities: Oliver Wyman, Corporate Accounts: Driving quality and value, January 2012.


text:
About the Book
This book contains most of the art that was shown at the Navy Exchange Commercial Center at the Military Base of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, in the exhibition "Colors of Liberty" in 1995.
Features & Details
- Category Arts & Photography
Standard Landscape, 10×8 in, 25×20 cm
154 Pages
- Publish Date Jul 17, 2014
- Language English
- Tags Fine Art, Guantanamo Bay, Cuban Rafters, Balseros, cubanote, JMVFCH, Rafters
See More
About the Creator
Jose Varela
Washington DC
I was born in Ciego de Avila, Cuba, August 20th, 1964. BFA Degree in Library Science, Havana University, Cuba, 1994 BFA Fine Art Photography, Corcoran College of Art+Design, Washington DC, 2005 Published poet.
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text:
Radrigi was male Kinshaya who lived in the 24th century. In the 2380s, was a Patriarch.
In 2381, Radrigi represented his people at meeting of the Typhon Pact aboard Typhon I. Radrigi was quiet at the meeting, something which Tomalak found conspicuous, although Radrigi did flare his wings in approval when Tomalak announced that the Romulans would share cloaking technology with the other members of the Typhon Pact. (ST - Typhon Pact novel: Rough Beasts of Empire)


text:
Bob Bowlsby struck just the right notes in his introductory message at WVU's welcome to the league party at the football stadium's Touchdown Terrace on Sunday.
He congratulated athletic director Oliver Luck and president Jim Clements on a job well done, and predicted that they will lead WVU to even greater heights in the future, He praised West Virginia's "rich athletic history" noting that it dovetailed quite well with that of the other Big 12 schools. In all, the majority of his remarks were just what one would expect from a commissioner welcoming a new school into the fold.
Buried in the midst of his comments, however, was this caution -- if not an outright warning. While noting that the eight existing Big 12 schools would be very welcoming to WVU, he observed that courtesy and hospitality would cease when the games begin.
"On Saturdays, everyone will be trying to bloody everyone else's noses," he noted in a matter of fact tone. "You had better tape your ankles up and be ready, because the other schools will be out to defend their turf."
Bowlsby wasn't siding with the holdover schools in any fashion, or predicting dire straits for the Mountaineer athletic teams. He was simply noting a fact that many are overlooking as the Big 12 celebration commences -- West Virginia is, in most of its programs, taking a moderate to huge step up in competition.
While not pointing any fingers or saying anything derogatory about West Virginia's past conference affiliations and schedules, Bowlsby got his message across -- at least for those paying attention.
"If you aren't ready to play in this league, you are going to get clipped," he observed.
The numbers bear Bowlsby out, no matter what sport is under discussion. As I noted in a column for the print edition of the Blue & Gold News, the Big 12 had a team ranked number one in the nation in eight of the sports it competed in last year. In 22 of its 23 sanctioned sports, in had at least one team ranked in the top five. From 1996 through 2011, the Big 12 won 42 team and 477 individual NCAA Championships.
It's not just at the top where the Big 12 is strong, either. In most sports, there's quality depth that extends well down the conference standings. There aren't going to be many gimmees in league play, no matter what the sport.
Did that message get through? We'll find out on the fields and courts in just a few months.


text:
Louis Vuitton Monogram Porte Monnaie Billets Tresor Wallet Pre Owned
This item is no longer available
This authentic Louis Vuitton Porte Monnaie Billets Tresor Wallet is so chic! Compact in size and perfect in practicality featuring LV signature monogram canvas wallet. There is a three sides brass zipper and the wallet opens to a partitioned cross-grained leather interior with card slots and a zipper compartment. Perfect for everyday use!
- Exterior: Very Good
- Interior: Very Good
- Description of Interior: Cross grain Lined
- Interior Pockets: Multifunction Pockets
- Color: Brown
- Hardware Description: Gold Hardware
- Material: Canvas
- Width: 4.2 in.
- Length: 1.2 in.
- Height: 3.7 in.
Authenticity code: Louis Vuitton
Authentic: Pre-Owned
Product Code: 2972001
Read more about Louis Vuitton Date Code here.
All photos are of actual item being sold. This Louis Vuitton® item is guaranteed to be authentic. Louis Vuitton is a registered trademark of Louis Vuitton. LuxeDH is not affiliated with or represents Louis Vuitton in any way or form.


text:
Skip to comments.(Mini Vanity)What happened to the Iranian Oil Bourse?
Posted on 03/20/2006 10:19:02 AM PST by DrBombbay
I was wondering....wasnt March 20th the deadline?
Almost the 21st. ;-)
The mullahs vetoed President Ahmadiwhackjob's idea when they discovered that their Swiss bank accounts were denominated in dollars. They plan may wait as long as a year from now so that they can convert those accounts to euros first.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.


text:
Model Mayhem Admin
Ariel LauraModel Female Los Angeles, California, US
My Website: Personal WebsiteMy MM URL: http://www.modelmayhem.com/arieljackson
Mayhem # 501918
About MeHello MM!
My name is Ariel and I am a plus size model and actress. I am currently in search of great photographers, MUAs, and stylist to meet and hopefully work with. I am interested in TFP/TFCD, and look forward to meeting you all!
From one curvy girl to another… reach for the stars
Have you worked with Ariel Laura? Add Credits for Ariel Laura! >>
Credit NotesOnline/Editorial/Print:
Coogi Clothing - 2011 Website Model
Madrag/10Spot Stores - 2012 Face of Winter/Holiday Campaign
OseUhseh Clothing - Current Editorial/Website
eHow Style - Current Plus Size Segment Model
BET Rip the Runway 2011 - Runway Model (Tenille White)
BET Rip the Runway 2012 - Runway Model (Monif C.)
Full Figure Fashion Week 2011 - Runway Model (Ashley Stewart, Curvysta, Sweet tooth Couture, Queen Grace & Plush Boutique)
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Let us know when your receive great advice so we can thank our lawyers and point others with similar questions in the right direction.Got it!
I got stopped for a DWI . I have a lawyer but am running out of money ( I'm broke).... Can I just settle with the courts myself? Or can i get a court appointed attorney?
I am very sorry to hear this. You really should have a lawyer to represent you. There are so many collateral consequences to a DWI conviction that only someone that specifically handles cases in this area is capable of handling for you. If you truly cannot afford to have your lawyer continue representation, then make a request that he withdraw and the court appoint you an attorney. Any attorney is better than none, but you would be better served finding a good DWI lawyer and doing whatever it takes to keep them on your case. A good DWI lawyer can do wonders for your charge and may find problems with the case that another lawyer would miss. Just because a lawyer practices criminal law does not mean that they deal with DWI specific issues day in and day out like the prosecutor does.
As a last resort, a court appointed lawyer may be of some value and will definitely do a better job than you could do yourself. Would you go to a brain surgeon and ask to borrow a book so you could operate on yourself? This is an extremely complex area of law that you are not equipped to handle on your own, even though it is your constitutional right to do so.
Good luck to you!
In Texas, The Texas Code of Criminal Procedure demands that a court appointed counsel to represent the defendant if the defendant is indigent and is charged with a (1) misdemeanor punishable by confinement, or (2) a felony.
So in short, yes. However, I would advise retaining independent counsel for they would generally might have more motivation to get you the best possible results.Ask a similar question
The judge is supposed to appoint you an attorney if you are indigent (poor, and without resources to pay an attorney). As a practical matter, however, some judges are pretty strict in their determinations on who qualifies as indigent. For some, the fact that you have made bond and have a job will keep them from appointing a lawyer for you.
You need to consider that in Texas, any DWI result other than a dismissal, or a not guilty verdict, results in a permanent conviction that will be on your record forever. A DWI on your record may keep some companies from hiring you, or promoting you if you already work for them. That could potentially cost you tens of thousands of dollars.
There are also surcharges ($1,000 a year for three years for a first offense), license suspensions, and probation violations you may have to deal with. Your best bet may be to just bite the bullet and pay your attorney to try to win your case.Ask a similar question
DUI DUI defense DUI as a criminal offense DUI charges DUI and driver's license penalties DUI probation DUI and criminal records Criminal defense Criminal charges Crime classifications Felony crime Misdemeanor crime Crimes against society Right to counsel in criminal cases Defenses for criminal charges Criminal court Criminal record Probation for criminal conviction Constitutional law Professional ethics
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text:
- Condition: Used
- Make: Ford
- Model: Falcon
- Doors: 4
- Year: 1963
- Mileage: 99,731
- Color: Blue
- Engine size: 260 V8
- Transmission: Automatic
- Interior color: Blue
- Vehicle Title: Clear Want to buy? Contact seller!
1963 Ford Falcon
Inexpensive daily driver or economical way to join the greatest hobby on Earth? This 1963 Ford Falcon Futura 4-door sedan offers V8 power, great, arly-60s look and fuel economy that's still in style almost 50 years later.For this price, t's really hard to go wrong with this Falcon. Anywhere you go, ou're guaranteed to cause a stir, nd imagine making this your daily driver for the warm weather months each year? You'd start to look forward to your commute, ou'd instantly be recognized everywhere you go, ll for a price that's half that of so-called "economy" cars sold in the new car showrooms. The paint and bodywork are quite good, o there's no need to pick up a worn-out beater to enjoy the style and substance of the '60s. In fact, t was treated to a professional paint job a few years ago in a hue that's pretty close to the original Peacock Blue, hich was on the Ford palette in 1963. Chrome and trim were still all the rage in the early '60s, nd even the affordable Falcon Futura got a good dose, rom the simple grille to the trim rings around the jet-exhaust-inspired taillights. Most of the interior is new in this Falcon, ut the seat covers are original, hich should give you a good indication of how neatly preserved this southern car really is. The comfortable two-tone seats give it an upscale look and the durable material seems to repel dirt, ecause it looks awfully good for 50 years of use; in fact, he back seat looks virtually unused. The floating instrument panel hails from an era when designers were free to follow their imaginations, nd offers a neat row of knobs underneath for the secondary controls. This was a pretty basic Falcon, o there's an AM radio, nd a heater and defroster were standard equipment by 1963. And, f course, here is that 2-speed automatic transmission which makes it easy to drive in traffic; again, his makes for a compelling argument for daily driver status. There's also a big trunk that's neatly finished with a correct mat and a matching cover for the spare tire.The F-code engine is a 260 cubic inch V8, hich is also the source of its economy. Smooth and reliable, t's going to get you wherever you need to go and sips gas while it's doing it thanks to a 2-barrel carburetor. No, t's not a tire-shredding muscle car, ut this is about affordable, conomical, nd highly stylish transportation, ight? It was recently rebuilt with a fresh carburetor, o it starts easily and runs very well. The bright Ford Blue engine is tidy and clean, howing no evidence of leaks or damage, nd a few chrome dress-up items illustrate its relationship to the Mustang a few years later. Parts are still readily available at your local parts store, nd it takes little more than a crescent wrench and screwdriver to keep it in top form. Lots of new gear, ncluding a rebuilt suspension, ew brakes, resh springs, nd an alignment practically eliminate up-front costs, o all you need to do is start enjoying the ride. Recent General blackwall radials fitted to vintage Torque Thrust style wheels give it a more sporting look and ride great.Think about it: a cool '60s cruiser that can still double as economical daily transportation. Why not? Call us today.


text:
- Home >
- Bathing & Bathroom Aids >
- Cast & Wound Protectors >
- Keepu - Dri - Waterproof Limb/Cast Protector (Adult - Half Leg) Keepu - Dri - Waterproof Limb/Cast Protector (Adult - Half Leg)+-
Keepu - Dri - Waterproof Limb/Cast Protector
- Keepu-dry effectively protects bandages and plaster casts when taking a shower, while bathing and swimming in the pool or the sea.
- Keepu-dry is made from tough, non-allergenic skin friendly polyurethane, a material renowned for it's strength and elasticity. It is highly flexible, PUNCTURE RESISTANT and abrasion proof.
- Keepu-dry will not tear when pulled over plaster casts and slides on easily to form a comfortable, water tight seal.
- Keepu-dry is easy to use. Simply measure the circumference of the limb above the bandage or plaster and select the appropriate size.
Sizes: Length & Circumference
- Adult Half Leg: 64-32cm
Related Categories
- Menu


text:
Best Of :: Sports & Recreation
It seems masochistic to pay money to experience the pain of a hardcore workout. But once you've made it through a 45-minute session at No Limit Boot Camp, you realize the feeling of finishing it is worth every penny. Rope-waving and kettle-bell-wielding action await you at this top-notch facility in Placentia, where instructors drill you up to seven days per week on strength, speed, agility and endurance. Most important, No Limit teaches you about respect for yourself and others in the class who are all going through the same pain you are. There's no question you'll want to bond with one another over your soreness while sipping protein shakes after it's all over.
It's not often you use the words bullets and Brea in the same sentence. But within this relatively sleepy suburb is the most bangin' firing range around. Orange County Indoor Shooting Range is a fully renovated and top-of-the-line establishment for all your firing needs, whether you're a beginner or Dirty Harry. Carrying a full stock of 62 types of gun rentals (ammo, too!), as well as various stages of training classes and group discounts (two people can shoot for two hours for just $50), this place is all about giving you more bang for your buck (you know we had to use that, right?).
Its mystique, ungodly smells and tiny Asian waitresses with boobs so inflated they should be falling into their drink trays make Hawaiian Gardens Casino special—in all the best ways. Also, there's pai gow poker, which yields greater odds of winning than traditional poker. Just keep an eye on your rearview mirror while driving home. Just sayin'.
Though it's not quite considered the boonies, this beloved patch of nature in the northern hills of Fullerton feels far away from the rush of cars, traffic and people—enough to plop down for lunch with the aid of a blanket. As the sun shines onto the shimmering lake, watch as wildlife chirps, scampers and swims all around you as you chomp down on some sandwiches and potato salad. Just don't feed the ducks; they'll never leave you alone.
This is about as close as you can get to the way surfing started—and in a less bro-tastic world—in OC. Located in a parking lot just to the north of the Seal Beach pier, M&M Surfing School isn't much more than a trailer parked in front of the sand, with boards on the side and a heap of wetsuits in all sizes. Run by Michael Pless and his son, Michael Jr., the school is licensed by the city and provides group and individual lessons for adults and kids. And the variety of breaks at the beach means that no matter what your skill level, there will be a wave with your name on it.
Get up early and devote a little more than an hour to walk from Hart Park to Grijalva Park. Round trip, it's 4.6 miles—the path is longer than that, but this is our favorite section—and you'll work up a sweat, get your daily exercise, and start your day amid the trail's peaceful, natural splendor. Well-maintained throughout the year, there are trees and greenery (when there's enough water), friendly squirrels and ducks (when there's enough water), and only a handful of joggers. During rainy season (when there's enough water), taking a walk before dusk with an umbrella, holding the hand of the one you love, the creek rushing beside you . . . there's little more romantic than this.


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Zenith Launches HDTV Consumer PromotionCampaign Includes Aggressive Pricing, Zero-Percent Financing Program (December 21, 2001)
"While we chose to unveil our new financing program just prior to Christmas, this aggressive consumer promotion is part of Zenith's 2002 program to drive the digital television market by offering HDTV products at increasingly attractive prices," said Rick Powers, Zenith's vice president of sales. "We expect 2002 to be a breakthrough year in terms of digital programming and, as we'll demonstrate at the Consumer Electronics Show in January, Zenith intends to be an aggressive player in the growing HDTV market."
The no-interest initiative, which is backed by GE Capital and runs through Feb. 28, 2002, gives consumers the opportunity to purchase Zenith's award- winning 60-inch widescreen plasma display panel high-definition television (HDTV) display with no down payment, no payments and no interest payments for a year. Zenith also dropped the suggested selling price on this giant, hang- on-the-wall HDTV display (model DPDP60W) to $19,999 from $25,000.
The zero-percent financing offer also applies to the company's flat, thin LCD (liquid crystal display) TVs: the 15-inch HDTV monitor (model ZLD15A1) which sells for $1,299, and the 20-inch EDTV (enhanced-definition television ) monitor (model ZLD20A1), which sells for $2,499.
The consumer rebate program, which as in the case of the zero-financing offer applies to sets purchased through authorized Zenith dealers, extends to the company's broad line of direct-view CRT (cathode-ray tube) HDTV monitors including two 27-inch, two 32-inch and two 36-inch models. Rebates in this limited time offer range from $50 to $150, depending on the model.
To capture a larger share of the market for large-screen HDTV displays in anticipation of the high definition broadcasts of the 2002 Winter Olympics, Zenith also aggressively repositioned its popular line of widescreen rear- projection HDTV monitors. Zenith slashed suggested prices to $2,799 from $3,000 for the 56-inch set (model D56W25), to $3,199 from $3,500 for the 61-inch set (model D61W25) and to $3,499 from $4,000 for the 65-inch set (model D65W25).
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Related Keywords:HDTV Buyer, Zenith Electronics Corporation, incentives, zero-percent financing, consumer rebates, aggressive price reductions, digital television, DTV products, HDTV, plasma screen
Source:Digital Media Online. All Rights Reserved


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|GOMEZ Henri <hgo...@slib.fr>
|RE: TC323 standalone/ajp13 & thread pools
|Wed, 29 Aug 2001 10:32:13 GMT
>Hi (.*), > > Hope all is well around the globe. > > We've been doing some stress testing here with Tomcat >3.2.3 operating > in standalone mode and with apache via the mod_jk ajp13 >connector. > > We've noticed something interesting which we're not sure about. > > Tomcat running our application standalone can handle 70 >simultaneous > users, with a TcpPoolConnector thread pool set to 150. >When we run the > same test via Apache/ajp13, the thread pool is quickly exhausted > (logged in tomcat.log) You may have find something interesting. Could you check via netstat in that situation how many ajp connections are in CLOSE-WAIT ? > Is this normal operation ? Should an ajp13 connector >consume more tomcat threads than standalone tomcat ? http native connector (HTTP/1.0) close connection at end of request. In ajp13 the connections between apache and tomcat are persistant. What I didn't understand is how you could have 150 ajp13 connections to handle only 70 clients ? Stay tuned
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