text:
Talk:Main Page/archive3
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Dustin time
Today's featured article, Smells Like Teen Spirit, single-handedly caused a surge in Dustin searches on Yahoo! Buzz, beating out all terrorist-related searches. Looks like people finally have their priorities straight. Way to go, Uncyclopedia! --Namtar 13:44, 13 August 2006 (UTC)
Lance-brick link
Whenever you see the picture of the lance with the brick on the end (love that picture) the link beneath it is wrong, it should actually be this. --188.8.131.52 15:09, 12 August 2006 (UTC)
Copied again
I've noticed that MAD magazine has been including parodies of wikipedia in their magazines. They call it "wackypedia" and they put it in the section full of random drawings and shit near the front of the magazine. Was anyone else aware of this? --Testicles 22:23, 20 July 2006 (UTC)
- that is so retarded. --Nerd42Talk 15:36, 22 July 2006 (UTC)
- I'm amazed there isn't an Uncyclopedian article on Mad magazine as of yet. I would have thought there were at least a few more fans besides myself on Uncyclopedia. MadMax 00:56, 29 July 2006 (UTC)
- yes, and isn't that surprising? weren't they the first uncyclopedia? i have no idea what they're like now tho.
- Alfred Neuman for President, anyone?
- -- mowgli 08:28, 25 August 2006 (UTC)
Fictitious Invention Story Day
Not that it probably matters, but the B.C. dates in this section are mixed up. For example, 1453 B.C. comes before 1460 B.C. and the events about the lawn, although probably intended to be marked as A.D., are in the wrong order too. --126.96.36.199 07:56, 18 July 2006 (UTC)
- STFU! Mr. IP man! Must be a wkipedian..., myeah, ok, we got it. --HP talk 09:20, 23 August 2006 (UTC)
Are we aware of this?
Exhibit A -Joachim22 Can't bother to log in
- Yeah, there's alot of those, we don't really care much as long as there aren't alot of users, or profitable ads on the site. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 00:54, 13 July 2006 (UTC)
- You can't even edit it like a real wiki. This has to be the lamest ripoff yet. --Testicles 17:17, 14 July 2006 (UTC)
- That's stupid.... They trie, and they fail... --WeepingWilly
- They suck. We pwn them. And their formatting sucks. --(Some crazy guy) The consequences will get you.[MUN] [FUN!!] 23:23, 5 August 2006 (UTC)
- Ugh! major css faux pas -- Kaizer the Bjorn takkun (nya nya) (1961 model!) Check out T61! 20:04, 3 September 2006 (UTC)
- They suck. We pwn them. And their formatting sucks. --(Some crazy guy) The consequences will get you.[MUN] [FUN!!] 23:23, 5 August 2006 (UTC)
- That's stupid.... They trie, and they fail... --WeepingWilly
- You can't even edit it like a real wiki. This has to be the lamest ripoff yet. --Testicles 17:17, 14 July 2006 (UTC)
4th of July Reskin sucked
Usually I post here saying "That was awesome!" after a holiday but, in this case, it just ... wasn't funny. Where's the odd twist on the holiday, like last Christmas or that nasty bloody heart thing on Valentine's Day? The "Uncyclopedia Americana" thing was just, cliche and boring. I suggested we redecorate to look like Mexico on the 4th, but nobody listened. But really, even AAAAAA! would have been better. --Nerd42Talk 16:41, 5 July 2006 (UTC)
- So where was the completely awesome reskin you made up that we should have used instead? Rather than complaining, do something - you have the power. If you want something done well around here, grab a few like-minded individuals and get it done. That's the point of a wiki. Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 22:10, 5 July 2006 (UTC)
Double interwikis
All the interwiki links to foreign uncycs at the sidebar are repeated twice. Can someone fix it?---Asteroid B612 (aka Rataube) - Ñ 22:10, 22 June 2006 (UTC)
- Fixed by Carlb.---Asteroid B612 (aka Rataube) - Ñ 03:37, 5 July 2006 (UTC)
Featured article
So, do you guys plan ahead your featured articles or is it just whatever the first sysop wants? Sheneequa 00:13, 21 June 2006 (UTC)
- For the answer to that, check VFH--<<>> 00:47, 21 June 2006 (UTC)
- Actually, I just spin around in a circle with my eyes closed, and when I open my eyes, whichever article I'm on is the one we feature. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 03:23, 21 June 2006 (UTC)
Main Page Subtitle
Does anyone else think we should change the subtitle on a daily/weekly/etc. basis? I'm talking about the "The Content-Free encyclopedia that anyone can edit" subtitle. Surely it's a huge opportunity for some great humour? Just an idea. --Joachim22 08:19, 15 June 2006 (UTC)
- We could start with "Surely it's a huge opportunity for some great humour?" --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy (Bleat) 08:25, 15 June 2006 (UTC)
- Then "Just an idea" --User:Nintendorulez 13:38, 10 July 2006 (UTC)
Not a Social Networking Site
"Just in case you were confused, we're not a social networking site.".. whats all this about? What is it in response to? --Huffers 23:57, 13 June 2006 (UTC)
- I dunno, but I like it being there. It reminds people that we have vanity policies. The only thing missing is a link to them. —Sir Major Hinoa [TALK] [KUN] 00:00, 14 June 2006 (UTC)
German Uncyclopedia down
Can anyone tell us what happend to the german uncyclopedia site? Uncyclopedia.de --18.104.22.168 10:56, 7 May 2006 (UTC)
- It's down - http://uncyclopedia.de
- According to my
German skillsGoogle translation:
Welcomely to the German-language Uncyclopedia! Because of change work is the Uncyclopedia at present down! It continues soon again! The Uncyclopedia forum is available further.
- I think this is the current URL: http://de.uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Hauptseite -- Krankman 19:09, 11 June 2006 (UTC)
Chinese uncyclopedia needs integration
It should be taken into attention that the Chinese version of uncyclopedia now has two portals, one is Chinese Simplified and the other Chinese Traditional. It is suggested that these two portals could be integrated via some inter-conversion methods just as wikipedia does, or both portals would result in less information and requires repetitive manually work during text converse. Endeneon 04:46, 23 June 2006 (UTC)
HEY COULD YOU BRING BACK THE WORDS LIKE DELETE "TRY TO USE IT IN CONVERSATION" THOSE WERE HILARIOUS -—The preceding unsigned comment was added by 188.8.131.52 (talk • contribs) 25 April 2006
- The word of the day was voted off the island (or the main page at least). It still exists but is no longer on the main page: Template:Wotd. --Splaka 03:43, 26 April 2006 (UTC)
- HEY COULD YOU TYPE IN LOWERCASE THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS --Bleachie talc 20:30, 11 May 2006 (UTC)
Hitler reskin
Love today's reskin.
Hopefully we'e scared away all the close-minded, hateful, idiotic, no-sense-of-humor contributors. Except those few Nazis left in the world. No, wait, the featured images probably got rid of them, too. ^_^ --User:Nintendorulez 18:41, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
From Talk:Holocaust Tycoon
At least the spelling andgrammarcould havebeen cleaned up.... It is very offensive. Especially the fact that this is the whole theme today. It's not funny.
- Just so you know, this wasn't a majority-decission of the sysops here at Uncyclopedia. I'd tell you who created the reskin and subsequently forced it upon us, but I'm not one to "snitch". Anyways, on behalf of the opposition (of the reskin) sorry about the whole thing and we hope this doesn't lead you to form a very very negative image of who we are and what we stand for. --⇔ Sir Mon€¥$ignSTFU F@H|NotM|+S 16:50, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
- I'm not an admin or anything but i'd just like to point out that Hitler is the butt of the joke here... nobody is promoting or endorsing what he did. George VI 17:20, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
- Agreed, it's a joke. But considering that this might be the first time some users have stumbled upon Uncyclopedia, this should not have been on the frontpage. Ever. Also, today's the date Hitler was born. I'm not saying this is honouring that or anything, but it sure as hell is letting the people know (whatever that means). Even Wikipedia was smart enough to leave it out of their "On this day".... --⇔ Sir Mon€¥$ignSTFU F@H|NotM|+S 17:28, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
I'm not new to Uncyclopedia, and I realize that this is a joke on Hitler, but I still think that the total reskin and the poorly executed entry could have been done in a more obviously inoffensive way. And it is nice to knoe that this was not a unanimous decision.
- Meh, nothing wrong with a little Hitler worship. You have to show the Fuhrer some admiration on his birthday.
I would've prefered trying to make it as offensive as possible, to the point where it becomes immediately obvious that it's not taken seriously. And besides, anyone who got offended and left probably isn't someone with much of a sense of humor. Not the kind of people we want to see writing articles if they get offended like that. --User:Nintendorulez 18:43, 26 April 2006 (UTC)
- that sort of joke is like the Japanese Blowfish meals... a delicacy that takes expert preperation to get just right --Huffers 00:54, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
Rave Reviews!
We should put this on the front page some time:
"I read an Uncyclopedia article and it almost made me cry, because I realised that whoever wrote it must have a lot of hate in their heart to think of things like that. I don't think it's funny, and if you do, I guess you're entitled to your own opinion, but so am I, and I think it's twisted. I'm sure there are better tings to do with the Internet. And copying a site that does such a service like Wikipedia, or 'parody', if you are offended by 'copy', just makes it sicker. I don't know what the point of writing this is, I just feel saddened... the world will be a better place when twisted people like Jonathos Huang and Jack Thompson decide to end their miserable existances."
From the talk page of wikipedia's uncyclopedia article. That's humor writing at its best. We should enlist them. --Joachim22 03:58, 9 April 2006 (UTC)
- Geez. Talk about a fragile Freddy. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 06:52, 9 April 2006 (UTC)
- should deffinetly be on the front page
and it should stay there too, cuz that is way funny 22.214.171.124 00:59, 10 April 2006 (UTC)
- I had to stop reading that Talk Page because I had way to much trouble figuring which comments were sarcastic and which were not. :p But yes, this one is a great review.--Dandin1 00:27, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
- Deffinatly needs a place on the Main Page. --OsirisX 07:43, 14 April 2006 (UTC)
- Hmm... how about an "Uncyclopedia:Praise" eh? eh? t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 08:02, 14 April 2006 (UTC)
Christ, I've heard of delicate sensibilities and all... but wow, that's unbelieveable... maybe it was just before they took their anti-depressants. still, never mind --Olipro Co-Anc (Harass) 01:14, 17 April 2006 (UTC)
- What. The. Crap. What's so offensive and hateful about Uncyc? It's satire! Humor! Etc! What an idiot... --User:Nintendorulez 18:44, 17 April 2006 (UTC)
What happened to the edit link for Holidays?
Now there's more unnecessary mouse clicks involved, and we already show a link to the previous anniversaries underneath the current page. Now I expect we'll see less edits to the Anniversaries, and more edits to In The News, and we all know how that just makes the purging issue worse. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 11:50, 5 April 2006 (PDT)
- Now there's no edit link for In The News either! What the hell? --User:Nintendorulez 15:46, 17 April 2006 (UTC)
- Hello? Anyone there? *echo... echo... echo...*
- Maybe I'll have to bring this up at the dump. --User:Nintendorulez 15:55, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
- Hello? Anyone there? *echo... echo... echo...*
Reskins and Word of the Day
I've put more than a little bit of work into the Word of the Day and, frankly, I'm getting a little sick of people overriding it when they reskin the Main Page. I understand the desire to have specific words associated with reskins and I'm all for it but I would appreciate if, instead of skipping the scheduled word entirely, people would move the scheduled word to the end of the list (currently somewhere in late June) and replace it with the reskin word. This way, we will have an accurate list of previous Words of the day. --Sir gwax (talk) 15:11, 31 March 2006 (UTC)
I think your best bet is going to be to DIY, I mean, since when has anyone cared about anyone else's crap on here (except when their crap... is crap) --Olipro 21:13, 31 March 2006 (UTC)
- That's wierd, I just wanted an iPod! --TimeStopper 04:13, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
Did you Know...
... that the Did you Know thing is slightly broken due to someone messing up choose tags? One such example is using
... that your {{RPG Stat}} has decreased by 1 for reading this sentence?
but instead of the acktual template, it has the code for the template. Very eye-stabbing. Can someone fix that? kthxbi --Ж Kalir yes, I play Pokémon 23:35, 30 March 2006 (UTC)
There's a slight flaw with the Featured Article template
Someone forgot to link to VFH. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 23:40, 24 March 2006 (UTC)
- Question, what does the H in VFH stand for? --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 08:21, 29 March 2006 (UTC)
- Votes For Highlight as I recall.--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 10:23, 29 March 2006 (UTC)
- Thanks. --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 06:35, 30 March 2006 (UTC)
- Votes For Highlight as I recall.--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 10:23, 29 March 2006 (UTC)
I forsee a reskin...
RE: You all suck. I think it's about time Babel:Wn got put on the main page, for obvious reasons. I'll leave you to it then... --officer designate Lugiatm MUN NS CM ZM WH 17:40, 21 March 2006 (UTC)
- I think it should look a bit more like White Nationalism's Main Page, other than that, I think it's a neat idea (not brilliant, but neat); also, it needs to use the term "Anti White Bias" alot.--Surreal Hamster 23:01, 21 March 2006 (UTC)
- Just wondering, how many wikis is Uncyclopedia at war with? --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 08:18, 22 March 2006 (UTC)
I totally thought I had read "foreskin" when I saw this on recent changes. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 23:46, 24 March 2006 (UTC)
- I resee a foreskin too..... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- heheh codeine is a 'ringleader'? :D fantastic --Huffers 04:30, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
- Aaaa? Aaa aaa aaaaaa aaa aaaaa aaa aaaaaaa? Aa? Aa aaaa? Aaaaaaaaa aaaaaa, aaa aaa aa aaa. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa AA:AA, AA Aaa AAAA
AA AAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAA A AAA! How is it that you convert all this crap to AAA? if it's by hand... I certainly admire your devotion. if it's embedded in the wiki... then I'm interested --Olipro 02:38, 20 March 2006 (UTC)
- I think some was by hand.. but there is a script... somewhere. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 02:39, 20 March 2006 (UTC)
- Script? I don't think so... Anyway, I convert small chunks manually, and for large ones, use a simple regular expression substitution [A-Za-z0-9] -> A, then manually reinsert links from the original text. - User:Guest/sig 06:00, 20 March 2006 (UTC)
- Actually, I once wrote a javascript that does precisely that. If we could get it embedded into AAAAAAAAA! somehow, then EVERYTHING would be As rather than just the logo and article. And it could be unlocked, and we wouldn't have to worry about vandals adding Bs. Hell, we could embed one or two on purpose, but they'd only show up when viewing the source. A bit of an easter egg within the article. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 23:44, 24 March 2006 (UTC)
- Script? I don't think so... Anyway, I convert small chunks manually, and for large ones, use a simple regular expression substitution [A-Za-z0-9] -> A, then manually reinsert links from the original text. - User:Guest/sig 06:00, 20 March 2006 (UTC)
It's easy enough to write a program that does it in PASCAL, C, or C++, so you can post your shit in AAAAs. This is in C/C++
char AAA(char string[]) { for (int i=0; i<sizeof(string); i++) if(string[i]!='.' && string[i]!=' ' && string[i]!=',' && string[i]!='?' && string[i]!='!' && string[i]!=';') string[i] = 'A'; return string; }
That will probably work, but I haven't compiled it myself. --Poofers 21:34, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
News Story
Hey, I had an idea for an UnNews story but I don't have the time to write it: "Bill Gates doesn't care about black people" See herefor the reference.--Nybb 07:22, 17 March 2006 (UTC) OMG taht's s0ooooo funneh!!!! I get it, like that Kanye West comment, right? That's so original and hilarious!!! -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 23:48, 24 March 2006 (UTC)
"NOTHING HAPPENED" day
How many variations on this theme do we really need?
- Zero--Blat 17:38, 16 March 2006 (UTC)
- Negative bajillion --Nytrospawn 14:43, 19 March 2006 (UTC)
About the refeaturing of Euroipods
Could you maybe feature more than the opening paragraph? Today's holidays are rather short, so this winds up limiting how much news can be shown at a time and how much we have to remind anonymous editors to Fucking Purge. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 12:38, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- Agreed, add the referals section, wait I guess I could it myself..........nah looks complicated--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 16:22, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- That would deny the very essence and clarity of the Euroipods message. --—rc (t) 21:19, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
I think Euroipods is funny and all, but I think it's taking the place of better articles that took actual effort. For instance, I believe that Pot v. Kettle and J.D. Salinger are both much more deserving of a spot in the top 10. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 17:24, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- And Zork. --220.127.116.11 19:44, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- That's how I feel about four or five of the others, but people voted on them. --—rc (t) 20:01, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- Damn straight. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 00:00, 16 March 2006 (UTC)
Do I get in trouble for threatening to ban anyone who continues to bitch about Euroipods? Seriously - it's getting more than tiresome - I'm about ready to
continue start some major abuse-of-powers myself just to give people something else to complain about. Give it a rest - it's over and done with. Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 01:39, 16 March 2006 (UTC)
This website isn't funny, at all. Did you just try to ripoff ED, except G rated with profoundly unfunny people? -- 188.8.131.52, 05:14, 14 March 2006 (UTC)
- Yes, this is an exact ripoff of ED. --—rc (t) 05:33, 14 March 2006 (UTC)
- Dang, so that's why I've yet to laugh at anything I've ever read on this site. Why can't we blatantly rip off something that's actually funny, like My Cat Hates You or something? c • > • cunwapquc? 06:16, 14 March 2006 (UTC)
- ED Sucks Ass --Blat 17:41, 16 March 2006 (UTC)
- Hey, 184.108.40.206, maybe this site <<< (DON'T CLICK. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. --me) would be a better site for you. It's way funnier than this crap site.
- Awwww, shit man. Warn people before posting shit like that, seriously, advice to everyone, don't click the link above this post, you have been warned.--Surreal Hamster 23:12, 21 March 2006 (UTC)
- I'm just glad my link worked. I was afraid the site would have been shut down by now and I'd look like a dumbass.
- Awwww, shit man. Warn people before posting shit like that, seriously, advice to everyone, don't click the link above this post, you have been warned.--Surreal Hamster 23:12, 21 March 2006 (UTC)
- Dang, so that's why I've yet to laugh at anything I've ever read on this site. Why can't we blatantly rip off something that's actually funny, like My Cat Hates You or something? c • > • cunwapquc? 06:16, 14 March 2006 (UTC)
- Yes, in fact. It is 14,000 articles and a few thousand users less funny. In fact, ED is a rounding error funnier. --Chronarion 23:05, 14 March 2006 (UTC)
- ED just goes "HAY LOOK GOATSE LULZ LULZ LULZ!" We have actual jokes. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 12:38, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- Wait, I thought ED was about simply writing about which LiveJouranls they were going to go harass this week. Jlove1982 17:30, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
You know, 220.127.116.11, you're right. When I think humor, I think articles about non-notable internet users filled with gratuitous profanity and shock-pornography. I'm leaving this horrible website. Who needs actual parody and cleverly crafted satire? -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 17:27, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- Woohoo, a guy who hates something has to complain to the guys who like it (see Troll ), never seen that on the Interweb before. --Hexhunter 23:57, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- What the hell is ED?--Surreal Hamster 16:57, 19 March 2006 (UTC)
- Be glad you don't know. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 17:02, 19 March 2006 (UTC)
- What the hell is ED?--Surreal Hamster 16:57, 19 March 2006 (UTC)
- Woohoo, a guy who hates something has to complain to the guys who like it (see Troll ), never seen that on the Interweb before. --Hexhunter 23:57, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
- So, I visted ED yesterday. Let me tell you, it sucks. --OsirisX 02:31, 20 March 2006 (UTC)
Help on making an image?
I had a sudden idea the other day, for the CD article, the image showing how a CD works could be the Enterprise firing phasors at a disk, with some witty caption. Here's a pic i was intending to use image:Enterprise firing.jpg Anyway, i was intending on making it myself, but i'm no good at photoshop...
- You can request images at Uncyclopedia:RadicalX's Corner. If you're lucky some kind soul will make your dreams come true. --—rc (t) 00:12, 16 March 2006 (UTC)
Why can't I vandalize the front page?
Or more accurately, who is in charge of updating the front page?
- Any user can edit the Recent News, Anniversaries and Recent Articles sections, and can make suggestions for Word of the Day and Did You Know? The rest of it is locked because everything would just be a huge mess if it was open. I'm usually the one who updates the Featured Article and Image. --—rc (t) 08:13, 16 March 2006 (UTC)
I've already this stuff before.. But where and when i forgot...
- It's called plagiarism, not plagiat. - User:Guest/sig 17:35, 19 March 2006 (UTC)
'Plagiat' is a French term. The corresponding English phrase is «déjà vu». --Carlb 03:46, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
AAAaaAaAaAAAaaaAAAA LOL SIKON/GUEST AaaaAaAaaA
I don't understand anything written in AaaAAAaAAaAa, so i'm going to vandalize... the VANDALISM BOX of course. Keep up the good work on SW: NWN Sikon!!!
- AAAAAAAAAAAA, not AaaAAAaAAaAa. Be canonical. - User:Guest/sig 06:02, 20 March 2006 (UTC)
- AAA, AAA AAA AAAAAAAA AAA AAAAAAAAA. A'A AAAA AA AAA AAAA AAA AAAA, AAAAAAA! --mezzanine ^ 18:37, 23 March 2006 (UTC)
Swap On this day.... and Did you know....
Should we swap them like Wikipedia has done (and add an article count)--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 23:26, 26 March 2006 (UTC)
- I think the idea was that having the featured article and anniversaries on one side and news and DYK on the other would result in more even-length columns, especially since we usually only have two DYKs at a time. I'll put up the article count though. --—rc (t) 23:37, 26 March 2006 (UTC)
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor and suggestion
Is the link to blocked IPs deliberate?
- Yes --The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 13:19, 31 March 2006 (UTC)
Tomorrow being the day it is, is Uncyclopedia going to swap places with Wikipedia? Jackiespeel 13:10, 31 March 2006 (UTC)
- maybe--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 13:19, 31 March 2006 (UTC)
I guess if we want to be able to make suggestions we have to be thinking alot further in advance --Nerd42Talk 14:59, 31 March 2006 (UTC)
Suggestions - either long month, (today is January the whateverth), binary dates, etc: I am floating the suggestion for others to consider (and starting a snowball can be as useful as turning it into a snowman. Jackiespeel 21:38, 5 April 2006 (UTC)
iThink iHumor iS iFunny! --Nerd42Talk 16:51, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
Yes iDefinately Think iT's great, nice job to the iPeople who did iT. iM just having a small iProblem with the iMenu formatting, iT's filled with iSpaces between the iButtons. (wow that was iAnnoying) Dandin1 18:45, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
- Yes, well the new iPage does not support iNferior iE iBrowsers... So get yourself some iNetscape or something, iMan. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 18:53, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
This iNew iFrontpage iS iFucking iHilarious! Excellent iWork! -- iPoofers 21:36, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
b35t 51t3 3v4h
I've been a long time reader, but I just started editing. Very funny stuff guys! Keep it up! File:Jimbo edit.png Hiedenberget Crap, I can't show my picture of Hitler/JimboWales... I need help... Hiedenberget
- Well.. did you Upload it? t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 00:31, 3 April 2006 (UTC)
Someone should do an article on Jason McElwain, the autistic kid who hit all of those 3-point shots in garbage time of a high school basketball game. I'm not funny enough. But the potential for hilarity is there.
- This is the wrong place to make such a request, might I recommend Uncyclopedia:Pee Review. --Sir gwax (talk) 14:01, 4 April 2006 (UTC)
Edit link for news?
So, uh, would anyone mind explaining why the news here can't be edited at the moment? --Lenoxus 18:57, 11 April 2006 (UTC)
- Because the news headlines being put in sucked big time. ---- Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer and WotM 19:07, 11 April 2006 (UTC)
- OK. An acceptable reason. --Lenoxus 17:31, 3 June 2006 (UTC)


text:
Squishy squid
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
"I actually don't believe it. Its a squid, and yet, its squishy?"
"I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy"
"Grass is green"
"Was that Captain Obvious you just asked? Will he give me his signature?"
The squishy squid is the squishiest squid to ever be squished by a professional squisher. The first grand pioneer of the squishy squid fan club, Ron Ronaldson, was a great and intelligent man, who discovered the original squishy squid some 10 000 years ago. Since then the squishy squid committee has agreed to alter its general goal and advertising schemes, to develop in the modern day sport of squid squishing. This sport involves a player or team of players each getting a live squid, which they then have to squish and squeeze until the squid pops or explodes. The player who's squid pops first wins, but the squishiness of the squid can also effect the scoring. This is a highly regarded sport in countries such as Nepal, East Timor, Belgium, Narnia and Atlantis. The various leaders of the squishy squid community are now beginning to think of new ideas for the franchise, like squishy squid racing or squishy squid throwing.
edit CuisineSquishy squid cuisine is somewhat of a delicacy in Japan, much like how the Chinese eat dog in China. The drug is quickly overcoming the popularity of the main food of Japan, the whale. It is often used as a stimulant drug with street names such as 'scary squid' or 'wood willy'. This effects of the drug temporarily increase the penis size, however you begin to excrete squids out of the ass. Many asians with small penis's appreciate the effects. This is the main reason the squishy squid market in China is currently booming, and also has a direct effect on the high population growth of the country. With the men having larger penises, the female population feels happier to do the dance with no pants, resulting in a higher number of births. The squishy squid drug is also becoming quite popular in up and coming countries, such as India. Governments around the world have not yet taken action against the drug, and are mainly trying to cover up its existence. But now you know the truth. Its out there. And its coming for you. And if you speak a word of this to anyone, the squishy squid will get you. It will find a way. While you sleep, while you eat, while you poop. The squishy squid doesn't care. It has no feeling, no emotion, and no mercy. Once you cross the squishy squid, you don't stand a chance. Now onto the other edible features of the squishy squid, other than the drug effects. This gentle creature can also be brutally murdered to make delicious pancakes. A properly squished squid can be caught in some kind of container, and mixed with egg, milk, flour, sugar, semen and poop to make a beautiful pancake mix. Spread this evenly on an extremely cold pan and cook for 200 billion hours and the result is well worth the wait. Be sure to read about it in the recipe cook book, Squishy Squid: Tasty Treats, written by Frank Furt.
edit The ColourAs of 2012, squishy squid has become an official colour. The colour itself is like a very bright vibrant purple. It has caused many severe cases where upon seeing the colour people have died instantly or shortly after. This is mainly due to the fact that the colour causes most humans to orgasm continually. The feeling is expressed as the feeling a girl gets if they went to 100 One Direction or Justin Bieber concerts at the same time. Only the strong determined human beings can survive seeing the colour in its purest form. Luckily, it is not a very common colour and therefore does not get seen that often that it is constantly killing people. This is a very good thing as if the colour was spread around for all people to see it would be banned and then become an underground only colour, which none of us want.
"I think that colour nearly killed me! Get it away from me! Arrrrghhh!!!"
"I still have nightmares. They come every night. Its torture I tell you! Pure torture!"
"You don't know what hell is until you have seen the squishy squid colour"
edit Sexual PredatorSome people across the planet have reported to authorities that they have been sexually assaulted by a squishy squid. To date, there have been 34 confirmed cases of assault by squishy squids, and 9312 still waiting to be confirmed. The problem is growing quickly and due to its growing popularity it has been given various names and these names are often used between the victims. Some phrases include "tentacle trouble", which involves the squid's tentacles enter a forbidden place on the body of a human. Another is "getting fucking raped in the arse by a giant squid". The name should explain enough. So far the squishy squid committee has not come forward to make a statement regarding this problem, but may be forced to if it continues to grow so rapidly. If you were ever to see a squishy squid approaching you in a dark alleyway, the best way to ward them off is to bite off your finger and stick it in your ear. Studies show that squishy squids are extremely afraid of humans with fingers in their ears. The squid/s will run in fear. You will now be free to continue your life.
edit Fashion
Squishy squid merchandise and clothing is quickly becoming the most sought after fashion statement in the world. The most popular piece has been named "the squid special". This involves a person getting a decent sized squid, and wrapping it around their body to cover their private parts. An alteration to this fashion statement is where the person will use a squid that has already been squished and cover themselves with the squid guts and pieces. This is a very formal type of fashion and is generally very expensive and worn on only special occasions. Not many people can afford to buy a squishy squid outfit, so instead will hire them from a shop that specializes in lending squishy squid costumes out to their customers. They have different sized squids and different colours available and will personally tailor any customer to the right outfit.
edit Fake Squishy SquidUnfortunately, some people have seen the opportunity to create fake versions of the squishy squid fashion. They think it can't be too hard, and so they go and catch their own squid and try to sell them as official squishy squid fashion. But they are not true squishy squid. These illegal sellers of squishy squid forgot one thing. The squids that they sell are not squishy, and therefore are not squishy squids. But they still get unsuspecting customers that think they are the real deal because they don't have the professional eye to see the difference between authentic squishy squid and fake squishy squid. The squishy squid fan club is about to begin a new advertising campaign to help solve this problem. It will educate the people on how to spot real squishy squid and how to tell if its fake. They will do this via world domination. They will take over the world and make all of its citizens bow to them. After this they will gather everyone into one place, and play a short 3 minute video clip teaching them how to tell the difference between real and fake squishy squid. Then the people will be free to go about the rest of their lives. If you ask me that's a pretty solid plan.
edit Media
Squishy squid has been fairly dormant of late times in the media but is expected to begin making an appearance in some movies and video games. The main franchise the squishy squid has bought into is Finding Nemo. His physical form does not make an appearance but he is referred to in the line "I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy". The actor being Dory that say this line forgot an important part. The word squid was meant to be added onto the end of it. Therefore it would have become dory's "squishy squid".

subset: commoncrawl


text:
The state of Texas wants all driver's to be able to pay for any accidents that they cause. That is why the state's Financial Responsibility laws requires every driver whose license has been suspended or revoked, to file and maintain a Form SR22 (SR22 Insurance) with the state's Department of Public Safety. The state of Texas wants those who are considered high risk drivers to have extra supervision.
SR22 insurance requirement causes
Drivers will be required to get SR22 insurance if they are in any of the following categories:
1. If they were uninsured and had an accident in the past and were unable to pay for damages.
2. If a driver was involved in a past accident in which they have an unsatisfied judgment against them.
3. If a driver has had their license suspended or revoked, for driving while intoxicated or other reasons.
4. If a driver has received mandatory insurance supervision
5. If a driver has received three or more convictions for driving without proper coverage.
If you are in any of the above situations, you will have to get SR22 insurance coverage before you can get your license reinstated. If you need SR22 coverage, you must first get in contact with an agent or company and purchase a policy. You must then pay a fee and have the provider forward proof of insurance to the Department of Public Safety (DPS).
If the Department of Public Safety accepts the SR22 application, you will receive an SR22 form from your insurance company, and a letter of acceptance from the DPS in about 30 days. You will have to maintain the SR22 coverage for two years from the date of your conviction. If you terminate your coverage or allow it to lapse, your license will be suspended.
There are three different types of SR22 insurance forms
1. The Operator's Certificate covers the financial responsibility in case the motorist does not own a vehicle.
2. The Owner's Certificate covers the financial responsibility for vehicles owned by the motorist.
3. The Operators-Owners Certificate covers financial responsibility for all the vehicles that are driven by the motorist.
SR22 Insurance – Things to Remember
The cost of the same coverage can vary from company to company, and you can pay more than double for the same coverage if you don't do a little research.


text:
There's a gulf between the digital and physical ends of commerce's essential plumbing. In the United States, Australia and other advanced countries about four-fifths of consumers pay at least some of their bills online. But only about 5 per cent to 15 per cent of those bills arrive via digital channels.
Murray Martin, the MacLaren driving, ice hockey-enthusiast chief executive of mail equipment company Pitney Bowes, is on a mission to bring the two into line – much closer to the consumer's preference.
"It's a very cumbersome process to get digital documents today," Martin tells The Australian Financial Review in an interview.
The vehicle he hopes will do the job is Pitney Bowes' Volly product, a software delivery channel that complements the company's market-leading sorting and mailing machines.
Australia Post is using Volly in its soon-to-be launched Digital Mailbox partnership with Westpac, Telstra and AMP.
Volly strives to mimic the physical mail delivery system, delivering bills to a digital version of the home address rather than the physical address. Financial details of the Australia Post-Volly deal haven't been announced. Pitney Bowes spent $US26 million developing the product over 2011 and the first half of 2012.
If Volly takes off, it will be a major addition to the Pitney Bowes digital products suite. The company is banking on these products to reinvent the company and help offset the big plunge in physical mail that has driven a delivery truck over Pitney Bowes' shares in the past five years. But it's got to get the consumers on board first. That means convincing them that Volly offers greater convenience, control, security and value for money than their present mix of physical and digital bills.
For commercial mailers, the savings on physical mail could be considerable, even if they have to be shared with Pitney Bowes. For consumers, it could be a harder sell.
Australia, a technically savvy but bite sized market for multinationals, is often used as a test-bed for high-tech products.
Digital Mailbox faces hot competition. Australia Post has just lost a trademark case against Digital Post Australia, a consortium headed by Computershare, the leading share registry manager, and mailing house Salmat.
Still, anyone who's paid a bill online can see the problem these companies are addressing. At present, if you want to receive your bills online you have to go to dozens of billers' sites and set up user names and passwords.
There's no easy way to file, archive and retrieve them centrally, even if you can remember the passwords. Many people pop them in email archives, where the security is dubious and the bills cohabit among emails of all types, or end up filing the physical bill in a drawer after paying it electronically.
Volly enables customers to elect to receive bills electronically, at a digital version of their physical address -- nothing new to remember.
A mailing house aggregates bills for each customer and elects to send them to the digital address if requested, or to print and insert in an envelope for physical delivery.
The need to request digital delivery reduces the risk of junk mail, and encryption protects customers' information. The service is free to the consumer. For a fee Volly can also be used to receive and securely store other documents, such as wills or financial information, such as proxies. "It provides you the same as your physical methodology so there is no change in your life," says Martin. "It simplifies your life."
Competitors like Digital Post Australia will be making the same argument.
Even so, Australia Post brings Pitney Bowes a big footprint in the market, and a reputation as a commercially savvy postal service that keeps an eye out for innovations that can help it weather the storm in physical mail.
It is starkly different to the deeply troubled US Postal Service, which is hamstrung by Congressional micromanagement, and must battle plunging mail volumes with one hand tied behind its back.
For its part, Pitney Bowes brings world leading technology, industrial strength back-up and scale that a standalone Australian start-up might struggle to replicate, Martin says.
He reckons it shouldn't take very long to get physical bill mailing up from today's levels to a majority of the market.
"Certainly there will be some that will always have to stay physical but when this becomes available and people [get] to use it and understand the capabilities I think that it will accelerate very rapidly," Martin says.
Pitney Bowes is going it alone in the US market, and has signed 50 billers or mailing houses representing 6000 brands. They include Maryland-based Broadridge, the dominant US financial information provider.
It isn't first to market in the home of direct mail. But the specialist industry publication Infotrends says Pitney Bowes has the technical resources, clientele and marketing budget to catch up with its first mover competitors.
The US Postal Service is losing billions of dollars a year at the operating level, and is required by Congress to make billions of dollars in extra pension prepayments. Congress also demands the final say on branch and route closures, and decisions such as whether to continue with Saturday deliveries, which many countries abandoned years ago.
Strict policing of the divide between the US state and commerce in the Postal Service's case hampers any attempt to make its retail stores more attractive to consumers by selling office equipment and stationery, as Australia Post does. The result is that many Postal Service stores are fusty, unappealing places you only visit if you have to.
The Postal Service's problems have worsened the impact on Pitney Bowes' shares, Martin says. But rather than blame the behemoth for the share price woes, Martin cuts the Postal Service management some slack.
The pension prepayments are more onerous than those required of most agencies and private corporations. And management has a plan to shake up the business, but can't get it through Congress, he says.
The Australian Financial Review


text:
|<hadi@xxxxxxxxxx>, "'Jeff Garzik'" <jgarzik@xxxxxxxxx>
|RE: The ultimate TOE design
|"Leonid Grossman" <leonid.grossman@xxxxxxxx>
|Wed, 15 Sep 2004 22:25:48 -0700
|"'David S. Miller'" <davem@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, <alan@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, <paul@xxxxxxxx>, <netdev@xxxxxxxxxxx>, <linux-kernel@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> -----Original Message----- > From: jamal [mailto:hadi@xxxxxxxxxx] > Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2004 5:58 PM > To: Jeff Garzik > Cc: David S. Miller; alan@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx; paul@xxxxxxxx; > netdev@xxxxxxxxxxx; leonid.grossman@xxxxxxxx; > linux-kernel@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > Subject: Re: The ultimate TOE design > > Jeff, > You are only allowed to start a TOE thread only every six months ;-> > > On a serious note, I think that PCI-express (if it lives upto its > expectation) will demolish dreams of a lot of these TOE investments. > Our problem is NOT the CPU right now (80% idle processing > 450Kpps forwarding). Bus and memory distance/latency are. In servers, both bottlenecks are there - if you look at the cost of TCP and filesystem processing at 10GbE, CPU is a huge problem (and will be for foreseeable future), even for fastest 64-bit systems. I agree though that bus and memory are bigger issues, this is exactly the reason for all these RDMA over Ethernet investments :-) Anyways, did not mean to start an argument - with all the new CPU, bus and HBA technologies coming to the market it will be another 18-24 months before we know what works and what doesn't... Leonid >If > intel would get rid of the big conspiracy in the form of > chipset division and just integrate the MC like AMD is, we'll > be on our our way to kill TOE and a lot of the network > processors (like the IXP). Dang, running Linux is more > exciting than microcoding things to fit into a 2Kword program store. > > I rest my canadiana $.02 > > cheers, > jamal >
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text:
Detroit, MI 48201
The next seminar in the Professional and Academic Development (PAD) series, a free career development seminar series for WSU faculty, chairs and directors, postdoctoral trainees, senior graduate students, and administrators will be: What are University Cores and How Are They Accessed?.
University cores are specialized shared research facilities. The goal of university cores is to make technology and expertise available to WSU researchers. This PAD seminar will assist us in heightening the awareness of WSU cores so more researchers can take advantage of these resources.
The moderator for this session will be Gloria Heppner, associate vice president for research. Panelists will be Susan Land, director, Applied Genomics Technology Center; David Coleman, director, Nano-Fabrication Facility; Connie Claybaker, assistant director, Karmanos Cancer Institute; Guangzhao Mao, co-director of Nano Incubator Program and professor of Chemical Engineering and Materials Science; Dougas Ruden, associate professor, Institute of Environmental Health Sciences; and Kami Moin, director, Microscopy and Imaging Resources Laboratory.
The panelists will discuss:
- What is a university core?
- What are some of the cores at WSU?
- What is the perspective of facility users over the years and now?
- How do I enhance my research through the use of university cores?
- How do I get in touch with the cores?
- What should I expect of core facilities?
We hope you can join us for this important session!
Seminars are free, but registration is required.
To view videos and handouts of previous seminars and the full 2012-2013 schedule, visit the Professional and Academic Development Seminar Series website by clicking here.
Thanks to Media Services at University Libraries and the School of Medicine's Biomedical Communications Services for videotaping the seminars.


text:
City of Sefton
Sefton is a mainly urban area on the edge of the City of Liverpool, consisting of the main population centres of Bootle, Southport, Aintree, Crosby and Maghull. During the year 2006 the council had a requirement to improve its refuse collection system to meet the targets set by central government for recycling and diversion from landfill. The Council therefore sent out a competitive tender for 106,000 240 litre anthracite grey bins and 106,000 standard green bins. All bins were equipped with "Read Only" chips to enable the exact monitoring of refuse quantities. The tender also specified that both types of bin should be delivered and distributed to the individual houses and the chips scanned, over a period of approximately 18 months.
City of Sefton
Country: Great Britain
Municipality: Sefton Metropolitan Borough Council
Population 300,000
Website: www.sefton.gov.uk
Contact: Mr. Jim Black
The aim of the system was as follows:
- To achieve or exceed the statutory recycling targets.
- To achieve or exceed statutory diversion from landfill targets.
- To satisfy Health and Safety requirements
- To provide a service which offered good value for money.
This was to be achieved by the separate collection of residual waste and garden / compostable waste using the wheeled bins, with mixed dry recyclable waste being collected by a different system.
Recommendations / Technical Advice
Although the specification of the bins was laid down in the tender documents (including printing of the council's name and logo on the body and the relevant waste fraction on the lid) detailed advice was given concerning the method of distributing and storage of the bins as well as the implementation of the electronic chips. Also advice was given concerning the use of virgin polymer in the bins, as opposed to post consumer recycled material. This advice was given prior to the procurement process and this was, therefore, included in the specification incorporated in the tender documents. During the installation of the bins the SSI Schäfer contract management continually monitored the conduct of the operation to ensure its effective completion.
Following the award of the contract to SSI Schäfer the bins were delivered and distributed (one of each colour simultaneously) to each household, and the transponders were scanned, between June 2007 and September 2008. The whole process was planned, coordinated and managed by SSI Schaefer who maintained constant contact with the officers of the council. This process involved giving advice on the storage space required for the distribution process, coordinating the activities of the distributors and the suppliers of the RFID chips and system software to enable the creation of Sefton Council's database of distributed grey and green bins. As soon as this distribution was complete the bins were filled by the residents, with the grey bin being used for residual waste and the green bin for garden and compostable waste. As soon as each area was complete the bins were then emptied with each colour being emptied on alternate weeks. The residual waste in the grey bins was then taken for disposal and the garden / compostable waste was taken to the composting facility. The exact quantities of each fraction can now be accurately monitored using the electronic chip system.
The results have been impressive. Not only were the bins supplied and installed in accordance with the specified schedule, but during the first year of operation residual waste was reduced by approximately 1500 tonnes per month and the green / compostable waste increased by approximately 1000 tonnes per month (in season).
- Information and Consulting
Contact a live representative.
+65 6863/ 0168
Office Hours: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. +8 GMT Singapore
- SSI SCHAEFER waste technology in practice
- City of Sefton>>PDF


text:
Top-10 start
The weekend started out okay. We brought the car that won at California and finished third at Indianapolis and so we had to "fine tune" it for Phoenix. That took the majority of practice time on Friday but then we bounced back big with a third-place run on the scoring tower. So we were real confident as we went into qualifying and definitely thought we had a position in the top 10. At the end of the day we ended up ninth and that was good enough for me.
Front of the pack
Track position was important and we definitely had it. We stayed in the top 10 and then Todd Parrott made a gutsy call in the pits for two tires. We came out in the lead and then it rained. A red flag flew for about 20 minutes and then we held the lead for a while after racing started again. The next pit stop we kind of got shuffled due to the differences in other pit strategies and restarted after another caution in 14th.
On lap 154 I got a little bit high in the groove and touched the wall in turn four. I'm not sure if I ran out of room or just got nudged a little bit, but I flat-sided the car. Then the tire blew getting into turn one and we hit the wall pretty hard.
The Pedigree team spent 63 laps in the garage fixing that damage. It's just a shame. It's tough racing two- or three-wide back there. But, it was just a big mistake on my part, knowing when to race and when not to race, so I put us in a hole here.
Anyone have a rabbit's foot?
It seems that over the past three races, whether it's in the pits or on the race track, we've been having nothing but bad luck. It's tough to swallow, tough to live with, but we'll keep doing the best we can. My guys are working their butts off and I'm man enough to say I messed up. It's just one of those deals and we can pick ourselves up and go on to the next week.
Darlington is the place where I have my best track record. I want to add a win to my list from there. It would truly mean I beat the best of the best if I can win at Darlington.
Have a good week – we are testing at Homestead- Miami this week to prepare for the last race of the season. It will be interesting to see how this season turns out. I still think the No. 24 car of Jeff Gordon is going to take it home.
My hunting dogs are getting ready for me to hit the woods the Monday after the checkered flag falls at Homestead so there is a lot of anticipation in the air. Let's hope it comes after a strong finish in the final two races.


text:
2000 Buick LeSabre Values
You don't earn the reputation as the nation's most popularly-selling full-size Sedan for nothing. The LeSabre is spacious, well-equipped, comfortable and reliable. This four door Sedan is offered in Custom and Limited trims with a 200 horsepower 3.8-liter V6 under the hood. In addition to seating for up to six in a roomy cabin, it comes nicely equipped with airbags, ABS, traction control, air, cruise, keyless entry, heated seats and AM/FM/CD audio.Read more Read less
Select a 2000 Buick LeSabre trim level
LeSabre Custom


text: I have submitted 3 separate requests for increases in my disability rating. I thought we were supposed to get back pay from the date of submission. The VA has told me in writing that because I am a retiree vs veteran I am not eligible for back pay. Has anyone experienced this issue?


text:
It illustrated a deep, and swelling, sea change in American fashion: things were getting wild.
It reflects the sea change in society that is still under way.
Lee Siegel on the sea change in how personal our politics have become.
Pearlstein advocates for a sea change with regard to this problem.
I helped make the ads; it was too late for a sea change, but late enough to break the midterm jinx.
I wrought to bring about in this Trafalgar Square soul a sea change.
To suffer this sea change was bad enough, but to laugh about it was diabolical.
Every American has had these phases, has suffered the sea change and the land.
But with a sea change the story took up many other and varied rles.
For a flitting instant I found myself desperate enough to do that very thing; but I, too, had suffered my sea change.


text:
Current practices included tracking honors hours and gpa of students for compliance with Honors Programs requirements.
Faculty/Staff Achievements:
Presentations at National Collegiate Honors Council by Dr. Herbert Lasky and Ms. Margaret Messer in Chicago fall 2001; Dr. Lasky, Ms. Judy Sunderman and Ms. Messer served on NCHC committees; The EIU Honors Programs plan to host the Directors' Meeting of Honors Council of the Illinois Region fall 2002.
Student Achievements:
All five recipients of the Livingston C. Lord Scholarship for spring 02 were in University Honors, Ms. Michelle Braddock, Ms. Sarah DeLoche, Ms. Elizabeth Neumayer, and Ms. Rebecca Traen.
State Farm Scholarship Award spring 02 was awarded to University Honor Student Ms. Regina Elkins.
Eighteen tuition waivers were awarded through the Honors Programs for fall 2002.
Eighty-one continuing student scholarships were awarded to students enrolled in the Honors Programs.
Seventy incoming freshmen were recipients of Honors scholarship awards.


text:
Kohler's Pig
The Diving Pig &
Other Artwork by Michael Sowa
Kohler's Pig | Michael Sowa Artwork | Diving Pigs | Diving
Pigs at Art.com | Michael Sowa Prints
Michael Sowa is a German artist, born in 1945,
and is best known for his realistic yet creative images of animals.
He studied at the Academy of Fine Arts in Berlin and then began
teaching before starting his career as a painter.
One of his most famous and beloved paintings is Kohler's
Pig, a painting of a diving pig airborne as he leaps into
a pond. In fact this image is so iconic it has been used for several
album covers and remains a popular print with art fans around the
world. Often known simply as the Flying Pig, this
As well as the beautiful Kohler's Pig, Michael Sowa also painted the wonderfully
whimsical and surreal "Pig In Soup". Though not quite as famous,
this painting remains popular with fans of all ages.
Home | Contact Us | About Us | Privacy
© 2009-10 kohlerspig.net


text:
Happy Friday! Hope it's been a great week. Lots of exciting things happening over here, it's been a crazy week (in the good crazy way). I'm looking forward to a fun weekend. I have a surprise date night planned for Saturday night that I'm pretty pumped about. I'm also pumped about today's post. I'm introducing [...]
bruks bars
Bruks Bars Review + Giveaway {Dairy, Soy, Egg & Gluten-Free, Vegan}August 14, 2015 { 124 comments }


text:
Last week we wrote about a panel at the Structure 09 conference featuring technologists from the largest Internet sites, including Google's Vijay Gill and Najam Ahmad from Microsoft. The Register also covered this panel in a story titled Google mocks Bing and the stuff behind it, noting that Gill referenced several data points with the observation that "If you Bing for it, you can find it."
Gill, the Senior Manager of Engineering and Architecture at Google, has blogged a response titled Google Does Not Mock Bing.
"I wasn't mocking Bing when I said 'Bing for it, you can find it.'" Gill writes. "I meant that seriously, in the spirit of giving props to a competitor, and a good one at that. Najam and I have been friends since before Google had a business plan, and I have the greatest respect for him and for Microsoft as a company." Gill goes on to compare the different infrastructure approaches for the Google and Bing search products.
At the time, Gill's deadpan comments about Bing struck me as good-natured ribbing among rival technologists, with no disrespect intended. It's worth noting that the text of the Register story describes Gill's "sly shots" and that the phrase "mocks" appears only in the headline. (In many news organizations, headlines are written by editors, not reporters).
The Structure 09 event was the second panel in three days in which technologists from Microsoft and Google shared a stage and discussed their operations, following on the heels of a session at Velocity 2009.
We in the media love a good scrap between rivals. But it's also important that industry leaders can get together and share their expertise and opinions, and the joint appearances by technologists from Google, Microsoft and other leading players in the field at last week's conferences marked a step in the right direction.


text:
Rails-to-trails bike path moves ahead in N. Buffalo
Creation of a new bike path in North Buffalo took a step forward Tuesday.
The Common Council agreed to allow the city to acquire a small sliver of property and sign a lease agreement for a former rail bed. The actions help the project move to a design stage.
The Council action accommodates a trail from Kenmore Avenue south to the LaSalle Metro Rail Station and improves an existing trail known as Minnesota Linear Park, said Timothy Trabold, transportation programs manager for the Greater Buffalo Niagara Regional Transportation Council.
The rails-to-trails project in North Buffalo has been the source of community debate, and people who have been active on this issue said Tuesday that they didn't have a lot of details.
"We are encouraged that they are at least taking this baby step in completing this bike trail," said Dave Bradley, a member of the North Buffalo Greenway Preservation Club.
"There is still much that we don't know about. We're waiting to hear the rest of the details."
The city is paying $15,900 for a sliver of property owned by My Kids Child Care Center, which is behind the LaSalle Metro Rail Station.
The city is also finalizing a 10-year lease with the Niagara Frontier Transportation Authority for the use of an abandoned railroad corridor, and the authority is not charging the city.
The bike path will connect with one on the north side of Kenmore Avenue, Trabold said.
Residents said they would like more information.
"We're kind of in the dark on the path the city is taking on this," said James Rozanski, an architect and University District resident.
"The community has been pushing the city to do something," Rozanski said, adding that the project's federal funds will run out if they are not spent. "We've had to pursue the city more than the city coming to us with it."
The project is still in the design phase, and it needs to be bid by October 2014, said Public Works Commissioner Steven J. Stepniak.
The city's share of the federally funded project is 20 percent of the total cost.
In other Council action Tuesday, lawmakers reluctantly acknowledged the acquisition of former School 51, at 101 Hertel Ave.
"Whether we want this property or not, we're stuck with it," said North Council Member Joseph Golombek.
The city is required to maintain vacant schools when they are not used for educational purposes, and the Council received and filed the item.
email: firstname.lastname@example.com


text:
'Birds Scare off Monsters, 5-4
Break Three Game Skid Behind Haughian's Performance
August 28, 2009 6:00 PM ET
In the home half of the third Jack Walker led off the inning with a single. Haughian then hit J.J Sferra and with runners on first and second Haughian took it into his own hands sprinting for a catch in foul territory for the first out and making a catch in the infield for the second out. J.P Ramirez then grounded into a fielder's choice and the best chance to score for the Lake Monsters was over.
In the top of the fourth inning the 'Birds finally broke their seventeen inning scoreless streak. Mooney led off with a single and was able to move to second on a passed ball. Ty Kelly bunted him over to third and Justin Dalles singled through a drawn in infield for the first one of the game.
In the visiting half of the fifth inning with the score Aberdeen 1 Vermont 0 T.J Baxter hit a two out single. During Mooney's at bat Baxter stole second and when the throw went off the shortstop's glove Baxter moved to third. Mooney came up with the RBI infield single to plate Baxter and the 'Birds led 2-0.
In the top of the sixth inning Applebee was lifted for Gary Amato. Amato ran into trouble when Dalles hit his second single of the game. Townsend struck out and Garabez Rosa doubled to put runners on second and third with one away. After an Edwards strike out Richard D'Oleo doubled into right field to plate both runners and push the IronBird lead to 4-0.
Haughian only faced 27 batters through his seven innings of work, allowing just three hits, a hit batsman, walking two and striking out two; he did not allow a run. The big righty Kevin Landry replaced Haughian in the eighth.
Leadoff man Dani Arias hit a ball into the hole at short that he beat out for a single. Landry then walked Sean Nichol and with one away after a Ramirez strike out Destin Hood singled into right field to plate their first run. Right fielder Jason Rook was unable to field the ball cleanly and that allowed Nichol to go all the way to third. The batter was Justin Bloxom and he immediately hit an RBI double to push the score 4-2 Aberdeen. At this point manager Gary Kendall had seen enough, he pulled Landry for the lefty Jake Smith. With runners on first and second the first batter to face Smith was catcher Sandy Leon. On the first pitch Leon drilled a two run single into left field and all of a sudden the four run Aberdeen lead had evaporated. Smith was able to retire the next two hitters and preserve the 4-4 tie into the ninth inning.
The IronBirds in their half of the ninth inning got a one out single from T.J Baxter. Mike Mooney struck out for the second out of the inning but then with Kelly up to the plate Baxter stole second base. Ty Kelly found a hole with a ground ball right back up the middle and Baxter was able to score on the high throw from center fielder Sferra. The IronBirds had retaken the lead 5-4 heading to the bottom of the ninth.
Josh Dowdy emerged from the bullpen carrying his four saves with him and the 'Birds clinging to a 5-4 lead. Dowdy got the first man to ground out to Edwards at first base, the second man popped out to Ty Kelly at third. Nichol then singled with two away to bring up J.P Ramirez who after a tough at bat flew out to D'Oleo in left field and the game was over. Aberdeen held on to the 5-4 victory.
Unfortunately Haughian had his seventh win pulled right out from under him, he will remain at 6-3 on the year. Jake Smith earned the win with his 2/3 of an inning in the eighth, he moves to 3-3 on the year. Steven Stewart was saddled with the loss, he fell to 3-3 on the year. Josh Dowdy, after taking the loss in last nights ball game, rebounds for his fifth save of the season.
This story was not subject to the approval of the National Association of Professional Baseball Leagues or its clubs.View More


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The IRS has announced it will allow favorable ordinary loss treatment for investment theft losses. Basically, such losses occur when your money is never actually used for the intended purpose of acquiring investment assets.Tax Breaks for Ponzi-Scheme Victims (via Consumerist)
Instead, the money is hijacked by the perpetrator of a fraud. The classic example is the so-called Ponzi scheme where money collected from later "investors" is used to cover "income distributions" and "withdrawals" paid to earlier "investors" without any investments ever actually being made.
Taxpayer-friendly ordinary loss treatment takes some of the sting out of Ponzi scheme losses. Unfortunately, however, there are plenty of victims who can benefit from the IRS's enlightened attitude. Not only did Bernie Madoff lose some $65 billion of investors' money, but other similar frauds have since come to light. The sad truth is, Ponzi losses are more widespread than you might think.


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AfricaAfrica (1930) - Oswald the Lucky Rabbit Theatrical Cartoon Series by Dave Koch
This page has been viewed 134 times this month, and 1316 times total.
- Oswald the Lucky Rabbit Theatrical Cartoon SeriesTheatricalSeriesCartoon
- Traditional Animation
- Walter Lantz Productions.
- Distributed by: Universal Pictures
- Cartoon Characters: Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.
- Voice Actors: Mickey Rooney.
- Directed By Walter Lantz.
- Produced By Walter Lantz.
- Animated By Walter Lantz, Bill Nolan.
- Originally Released on December 01, 1930.
- Originally Released Theatrically.
- Production Number: 3026
- Black & White
Cartoon Summary:
While venturing the desert, Oswald finds an oasis with a palace in it. There, he meets a queen who asks him to be her king.
Cartoon Production Information:
Oswald's theme song is featured for the first time.
Additional Cartoon Pictures:
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January 20th, 2012 12:57 PM
By Esha Chhabra
This originally appeared in Dowser.org.
Hearing the Different Voices on SOPA
People power is back. Wednesday's protests against the SOPA bill continue last year's theme of the power of protest. However, this time the protesters include corporate giants, like Google, which went "black" in support of a free Internet this week. It wasn't just the big sites that went down for the day — countless blogs, tumblr sites, and smaller companies also shut down on Wednesday. #
One blog visually captured what the Web looked like, courtesy of the SOPA protest: Anothercaptured the power of the movement, comparing SOPA supporters in Congress on Tuesday, Jan 18 to Wednesday, Jan 19, as word spread across the web. Clearly, the opposition for the bill was growing, and rapidly.
Because this movement was driven by people (as well as tech giants), here are some telling tweets from the week.
"The government is Sopa-thetic."
Some pointed to what SOPA could actually do (and did):
"Anybody who thought the freak out over sopa and pipa was silly should look at what happened to Megaupload and their staff today. So scary."
"RT TO STOP SOPA. SAVE THE NET. World War Web
And despite the backlash, one of the most popular mixed media content sites, MEGAUPLOAD was shut down this week. The Guardian writes that the site broke copyright laws (with estimates up to $500 million worth). The content sharing site, however, had a staggering 4% of all Internet traffic amounting to 50 million visitors every day. So, does this mean that more sites are under threat?To fight that possibility, Google collected 7 million signatures from Americans during the day-long protest, according to the Washington Post.
Not only did so many people sign the petition, but millions actually looked up their representatives to share their views, according to Wikimedia Foundation: "Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that shut the English language version of its website for 24 hours to protest the bills, said more than 162 million people saw the blackout page posted yesterday. More than 8 million U.S. readers looked up their elected representatives through the blackout page to protest the measures, the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation Inc., which runs the Wikipedia site, said in a statement today."
Boston Globe called it "grass roots activism" but also "lobbying 2.0," suggesting that the intentions of the Silicon Valley giants are not completely selfless. Rather, the Globe said that these firms should be just as imaginative in their fight against piracy as they have been in the SOPA protest: "It's just as easy to be self-righteous in a hoodie as a Brooks Brothers suit. Internet firms should use as much of their ingenuity to combat piracy as they have to thwarting SOPA."
On a more positive note, a young Huff Post blogger wrote that movements like the fight against SOPA arouse a sense of activism and responsibility in a largely indifferent youth, something desperately needed as we enter another presidential election:
"Therefore, it seems as if SOPA and PIPA have saved my generation. However, if we do not act, we might find ourselves drowning under the waters of disinterest once again."
But for concrete details on what the backlash against SOPA will bring, we will have to wait and see lawmakers reassess the bill.
Worthwhile Weekend Reads:
- Under 30 achievers building a new community of global leaders, tacking pressing issues (and excelling!) by Jonathan Kalan on Huff Post.
- After last year's Occupy Wall Street protests, Nicholas Kristof asks is banking, generally, is bad.
- How can we make science more democratic and open? NYTimes explores a field that needs a little sprucing.
- Future economies will smaller, decentralized, localized, and more chaotic but more equal? NextBillion blog reflects.


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Week 10: Steelers Key Matchup
Steelers' front seven vs. Cincinnati RB Cedric Benson
Every week, Dick LeBeau's defense goes into the game with the goal of not allowing the other team to be able to run the ball. So that's what the Steelers do — they don't allow the opposition to run the ball thus making the opposition one dimensional. The Steelers have not allowed a 100-yard rusher in the past 26 regular- season games and have allowed only three 100-yard rushers over the past 80 games (Edgerrin James in 2005, Thomas Jones in 2007, Fred Taylor in 2007). The Steelers previously had a streak of 34 games in a row not allowing a 100-yard rusher. The Steelers haven't allowed anyone to get close to that number this season.
Benson has been one of the biggest surprises of the season. Benson ranks second in the NFL behind Johnson with 837 yards rushing. He has four 100-yard rushing games and has surpassed the 100-yard mark in seven of his 18 career starts with Cincinnati. But more important than the yards to the Bengals are Benson's number of carries. Benson leads the league with 198 and has been able to rush the ball 20 times or more in six of his eight games this year. Benson didn't rush for more than 100 yards against the Steelers in their first meeting, but his 76 yards, including a 23-yard TD, are the most any back as registered against them this season.
The Steelers do not permit running backs to rush for 100 yards, even when some of their key defensive components have been sidelines with injuries. Defensive end Aaron Smith, a stout run stopper, has been out the past three games with a torn rotator cuff. His backup, Travis Kirschke, missed last week's game against Denver. And still the Steelers defense has not allowed a team to run against them. Since the loss of Smith, the Steelers have allowed the opposition only 3.5 yards per carry. The Bengals will try to get the Steelers into their nickel and dime defenses and then run the ball.


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There are not too many softball players more prepared to grind out a close playoff win than the Cienega senior class.
With a résumé that includes a 2009 second-place finish at state and a 2008 quarterfinal appearance, the Bobcats discovered the hard way what it takes to win in the state tourney.
That experience paid off in the quarterfinals of the 4A-I state playoffs Tuesday when No. 1 Cienega beat No. 8 Sahuaro 3-1 behind another stellar pitching performance by Alexa Cash.
"We wouldn't be where we are today without the experience of being in the playoffs the last two years," said coach Eric Tatham.
Cash had 14 strikeouts, and the Cienega bats came alive at the right moments as the Bobcats advanced to a Thursday semifinal date against No. 4 Sabino at Cherry Field at 7:30 p.m.
Cienega took a 1-0 lead in the second when Cash laced a double to score Kimberly Johnson, who added a two-run double in the fourth.
Sahuaro loaded the bases in the top of the seventh, and had senior Rebecca Mullin at the plate with a chance to tie it. But Cash negated the threat by getting Mullin to fly out to end the game.
• Sabino 7, Phoenix Sunnyslope 2: At Sabino, the No. 4 Sabercats routed No. 5 Sunny-slope in a 4A-I state softball quarterfinal.
The game started an hour late because Sunnyslope's bus broke down en route.
Sabino, however, was mechanically sound. The Sabercats jumped to a 2-0 lead in the first inning and added five in the second.
With two outs in the first, Aubre Carpenter reached base on a walk. She stole second and scored on a double by Brandi Owens. Shawna Comeaux then singled to score Owens.
An error with the bases loaded in the second brought in Krystin Koepnick. Owens then cleared the bags with a triple, then scored on an a single by Comeaux for a 7-0 Sabercats lead.
Sabino ace Kaity Sitzman survived a scare when Comeaux, who was catching, turned a double play with the bases loaded to end the first. Sitzman fielded a chopper and threw to Comeaux for the force out at home. Then she threw to first for the third out.
Sitzman went on to strike out six batters in seven innings.
• Canyon del Oro 2, Cave Creek Cactus Shadows 1: At Cactus Shadows, No. 6 Canyon del Oro advanced to the 4A-I state semifinals. Janelle Christman pitched a one-hitter with two strikeouts for the Dorados. Hannah Sullivan and Kayla Bonstrom each had an RBI.
Three-time defending state champ CDO will play Peoria Sunrise Mountain at Phoenix Rose Mofford Softball Complex on Thursday at 7 p.m.
PHOENIX - Now is probably a good time to start paying attention to Douglas.
After the Bulldogs' 6-2 upset win at No. 2 seed Phoenix Greenway on Tuesday in the 4A-II quarterfinals, it's going to be difficult for No. 7 Douglas to keep flying under the radar.
Douglas will face sixth-seeded Sahuarita in the semifinals Thursday night at Cherry Field at 5:30.
"We're definitely something to be afraid of," Douglas pitcher Erika Tapia said.
Tapia's performance should certainly scare the teams left in the tournament field. She struck out 12 and allowed just two hits in her complete-game effort, while also helping herself at the plate with three doubles, two RBIs and two runs scored.
"I hope her back is not sore today from carrying us throughout the year. She's a heck of a ballplayer, and people are starting to notice that," Douglas coach Abe Grijalva said of Tapia.
Douglas did most of its damage in a three-run fifth, where Tapia was responsible for the game's key hit. Her double brought home Jazmine Hernandez and Nythzia Machado, and then a throwing error as Tapia tried to take third base allowed her to score and give Douglas a 4-1 lead.
• Sahuarita 10, Bullhead City Mohave 0: At Mohave, Sahuarita mercy-ruled its way into the 4A-II semifinals.
Four Sahuarita hitters had at least two hits, and ace Yvette Alvarez struck out 12 as the Mustangs ended the game in six innings.
Sahuarita will play Douglas in the semifinals Thursday at Cherry Field. Douglas won the teams' two previous games by scores of 1-0.
Brett Booen Daniel Gaona Gina Mizell


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ReFirme WORTH IT RATING* DETAILS
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Loose Tummy Skin- Sublime tightening Riverside, CA
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It Works for Me. East Lyme, CT
I have had ReFirme several times now. I had 2 last year and really thought the results were quite good. I do not have a lot of sagging , but noticed my jaw line was not as crisp and my skin dull. It takes a while to see full results and they are not what you would receive from a face lift, but... READ MORE
I Just Had my First of 6 Refirme Treatments - Albuquerque, NM
What motivated me was I am really feeling bad about my appearance since I noticed this like turkey wattle under my chin last year. also my jowls were a little looser. I have had a mini-lift 4 years ago and it seems to be wearing out. Since I do not have the money for another facelift. I opted... READ MORE
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Dents from ReFirme!
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Very Dry Skin After Refirme Treatment; Wrinkles Look Worse - California
I have had one Refirme treatment; it was two days ago and now my skin is very very dry and my wrinkles look worse. This was not worth it and I am supposed to have 2 more treatments but I am canceling them. They gave me baby wipes to wipe off the gel and did not providesunscreen, luckily I had... READ MORE
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I had a free introductory session with ReFirme at my local spa (I am a regular long-term customer). I am 46 and have never had anything "done" but lately finding myself with some droopy jowls. It didn't hurt much at all, a little warm at times. I'm surprised by the remarks... READ MORE
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Refirme for my Under Eye Circles
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Refirme...read the Reviews Tried It...now my Turn - Edmonton, AB
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Refirme in Edmonton, AB
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Series of Refirme Treatments - New York, NY
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Harry Potter Cross-Dresses
Since I am one of the 10 people on planet Earth who has never read the Harry Potter series, I was curious as to what was happening in this newly released clip from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" shown during the Spike Scream Awards. In it, Daniel Radcliffe rocks a white lace bra and says in a girl's voice, "Look away, I'm hideous." So here is the lowdown. Apparently, in the movie, a spell is cast on Harry's friends to turn them all into his doppelgangers. Why? To confuse Lord Voldemort. So that isn't actually supposed to be Harry in the shot; it's Fleur Delacour (played by Clémence Poésy) assuming Harry's form. No offense, but if Voldemort sees the bra, he's gonna know something's up. [Examiner]


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GOOD morning, and welcome to our morning news coverage. We will be bringing you the best of what's happening this morning, so you can get across the news quickly.
• Delivery with a difference - man's mail dangling from roof, best note left.
•"There's a certain sorrow that brings me here": Abbott arrives in the Netherlands
• Researchers trace Ebola outbreak to its original carrier, aka "Patient Zero"
• US Secretary of State John Kerry in the country for talks with Julie Bishop
• Baby Gammy's parents: the bizarre 60 Minutes interview and reaction
• Where and how to check out the super moon this week
That's it for our live #RUSHHOUR news blog. You can get across the stories you need to know today below or go to news.com.au for the latest headlines.
This is what is wrong with the world.
Sydney jihadist Khaled Sharrouf's son — a child, 7, raised in the suburbs of Sydney — struggles with both arms to hold up the decapitated head of a slain Syrian soldier.
According to a report in The Australian, the horrifying image was posted on Twitter by a proud father with the words "That's my boy" and is set to reverberate around the world as a savage example of the brutality of the Islamic State.
Sharrouf, a convicted terrorist, fled to Syria last year and has re-emerged on Twitter as an Islamic fighter, posting confronting images, some that are included below.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott said the image was evidence of the "hideous atrocities" such groups are capable of.
The stars, moon and even meteors are aligning this week for a spectacular night-time display - and you can take part in the action.
The "super moon" phenomenon, which scientists call a "perigee moon," occurs when the moon is near the horizon and appears larger and brighter than other full moons, according to AP.
Stargazers can catch the super moon again tonight, and on Wednesday there will be a Perseid meteor shower.
Here's a few of the best shots from overnight.
Полнолуние Закат Луны на #МКС ещё см. блог (Supermoon Moonset #ISS more in blog) #BlueDot http://t.co/Wg9098bHIF pic.twitter.com/PIk5zZRRJR— Oleg Artemyev (@OlegMKS) August 10, 2014
#Supermoon #Cooberpedy pic.twitter.com/9nn3n2ILJ5— Ronald Duke (@DukeJamesd) August 10, 2014
The plight of baby Gammy is the talk of the morning after the biological parents told their bizarre side of the story on 60 Minutes last night.
David Farnell held back tears as he revealed that their surrogate mother, 21-year-old Pattaramon Chanbua, threatened to take their biological daughter, Pipah, away if they didn't leave Gammy with her.
Baby Gammy has Down syndrome
"The surrogate mother wanted to take our girl," Mr Farnell said. "We were scared we were going to lose her. We had to try and get out as fast as we could."
But many of the Farnell's stories just didn't seem to add up. While the couple denied abandoning their son, they also revealed they would have chosen to terminate if they knew of his condition earlier in the pregnancy.
Not surprisingly, Twitter weas sent into a spin.
'They didn't do the tests earlier enough. We probably would have terminated'. https://t.co/GMvJjoy58N— Matt Young (@MattYoung) August 10, 2014
Complex ethics around surrogacy, not least because the question of fitness to parent is never asked of couples who don't need fertility help— Dominic Knight (@domknight) August 10, 2014
@PatsKarvelas ...Not to mention that a number of mothers choose to terminate pregnancy based on 'abnormalities' likes DS.— Sarah Harris (@SarahHarris) August 10, 2014
Gobsmacking stuff on #60Mins. The parents' story just doesn't add up. #Gammy— James Law (@JournoLawJ) August 10, 2014
How the hell is a convicted child sex offender accessing IVF? #60mins #60Minutes— Rita Panahi (@RitaPanahi) August 10, 2014
Chinese authorities are undertaking an unconventional method to teach drivers how to use headlights.
In a tit-for-tat twist, traffic police in the southern city of Shenzhen confirmed drivers will suffer the same fate if they flash their headlights inappropriately.
In a post on Sina Weibo China's version of Twitter,, forces confirmed the guilty would be forced to stare down the barrel of bright headlights for five minutes.
"From now on, traffic police will make those found carelessly using bright lights to look at them for five minutes," read the post.
A laughing-face emoticon was added to complete the announcement.
The post included a photo of a man receiving his five-minute punishment.
Offenders can also expect to pay a 300 yuan ($49) fine.
Ehrm ... this is random.
Benjamin Ward returned home to find a delivery with a difference, but this time it wasn't on his doorstop. It was dangling from his roof.
It gets better. Staff from courier company myHermes left a note reading: "Stuck on roof, sorry".
Thanks @myhermes for delivering my parcel so it's 20ft high stuck to the roof! Great care taken! #Hermes pic.twitter.com/zN4IhCq95d— Benjamin1980 (@benjamin1980) August 8, 2014
After the tweet by Mr Ward picked up steam across the internet, the company tweeted in response: "Please accept our sincere apologies for the inconvenience this has caused. I can confirm we're speaking with our field team now. This is unacceptable and we're on it. Again, we do offer our apologies".
Another employee later added: "Benjamin, we have confirmation that your local courier is currently on his way back to your address with a ladder to retrieve your parcel. I would like to apologise once again for the inconvenience this has caused you".
The company sent the courier back with a ladder to pick up the package of clothing, but the "poor guy looked pretty sheepish". "It was awkward", Mr Ward wrote.
He continues to be baffled as to why the package ended up on his roof, giving this explanation: "I guess he was being lazy & trying to fling it over the house?!"
@colincurryer no, they sent him back to get it down but he was with his young son so couldn't really question him. It's more funny than— Benjamin1980 (@benjamin1980) August 9, 2014
@satureyes I think he must have tried to fling it over the house when I wasn't in and failed!— Benjamin1980 (@benjamin1980) August 9, 2014
This is every thrillseeker's worst nightmare.
Authorities say a roller coaster carrying 24 people has become stuck as fire officials undergo a rescue operation at Six Flags America theme park in Maryland.
Prince George's County Fire officials were called to The Joker's Jinx roller coaster at the park just before 2:30pm. Sunday. No injuries have been reported.
Assistant Fire Chief Paul Gomez says the riders are sitting upright near the top of the ride. He says it will likely take a few hours to get them down.
It's not clear what caused the ride to get stuck.
Six Flags' website says the ride goes 60mph (96.5kph) per hour and turns upside down four times.
On scene technical rescue call 6-Flags America. 24 patrons stuck near the top of the Jokers Jinx pic.twitter.com/dFEvRG3p6S— Marc Bashoor (@PGFD_Chief) August 10, 2014
Firefighters have made face to face access with first riders - this will be a long term rescue pic.twitter.com/u6Wt4bANf0— Marc Bashoor (@PGFD_Chief) August 10, 2014
Firefighters have reached the 1st car by tower bucket - each of 6 cars will be emptied slowly pic.twitter.com/bkuF5zFt5c— Marc Bashoor (@PGFD_Chief) August 10, 2014
US Secretary of State John Kerry and Secretary of Defence Chuck Hagel will meet Foreign Minister Julie Bishop and Defence Minister David Johnston today for a discussion ahead of the annual Australia-United States Ministerial Consultations (AUSMIN) tomorrow.
The signature event will be the signing of the Force Posture Agreement reached by US President Barack Obama and Prime Minister Tony Abbott in June.
It sets out the legal framework for the presence of US marines based in Darwin, currently at 1150, but set to rise to 2500, and allows the US to expand military assets over the next 25 years in Australia beyond the troop rotation.
Researchers believe they have traced the current Ebola outbreak back to its original carrier, whom they call "Patient Zero".
Now deemed "out of control" with 1,779 cases including 961 deaths, the disease is spreading and is likely to get worse as doctors struggle to suppress the largest outbreak of Ebola yet.
The disease found an easy entry point into three nations after a two-year-old boy died a few days after falling ill on December 6 in Guéckédou, south-eastern Guinea, reports The New York Times . The city also borders Sierra Leone and Liberia.
The boy's mother, 3-year-old sister and his grandmother followed a week later, suffering fever, vomiting and diarrhoea.
It spread again after two mourners at the grandmother's funeral took it back to their village, then again when a health worker and a doctor died after carrying it to their village, infecting relatives from further towns.
By the time Ebola was finally recognised, it was already rife in eight Guinean communities, with suspected cases in Liberia and Sierra Leone.
"There's a certain sorrow that brings me here".
Prime Minister Tony Abbott touched down in The Netherlands overnight to formally thank Dutch counterpart Mark Rutte for his country's role in retrieving victims' bodies from the MH17 crash site and to ensure those responsible for the atrocity are punished.
Forensic experts in Holland have now identified a total of 65 victims of the MH17 tragedy, which claimed the lives of 298 people. But Mr Abbott has warned it is "regretfully and of necessity" a very slow process.
"I am also here to say thank you from a grateful nation to the Australian police and military personnel who played such an extraordinary role in operation Bring Them Home," Mr Abbott said as he stepped off his plane.
The prime minister will also meet some of the 500 Australian police, military and consular staff involved in the operation to recover and identify the remains of the 38 Australian citizens and residents who died when the Malaysia Airlines plane was shot down over eastern Ukraine on July 17.
"Obviously while in the Netherlands I will have the opportunity to talk to Prime Minister Rutte and other Dutch officials about the ongoing investigation into the shooting down of MH17. I will have an opportunity to talk to Prime Minister Rutte and his senior officials about just what needs to be done to ensure that the investigation is concluded and the guilty are punished and justice is delivered to the grieving families of the 298 innocent people who were murdered on flight MH17," he said.
Mr Abbott left for the Netherlands on Saturday night, accompanied by Australian Federal Police Commissioner Tony Negus and Chief of the Defence Force Air Chief Marshall Mark Binskin. .
The last of the Dutch, Australian and Malaysian investigators returned to the Netherlands over the weekend after calling off their search amid escalating fighting between Russian-backed separatists and Ukrainian forces.
Mr Abbott will fly from the Netherlands to London later this evening for talks with the British government and officials about counterterrorism operations and the deteriorating situation in Iraq.


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"Simplified Alerts made it easy to reach out to 1,000 parents with game day updates directly to their cell phones. We can use a Blackberry to send them from the pitch. It's an important tool for us and the feedback from parents was extremely positive."
- Ray Groble, AYSO Regional Commissioner
"I sent out the first email promoting Simplified Alerts last night. I checked this morning and we have 130 people already signed up!"
- Sean Gunst, AYSO Regional Commissioner
PC-based attendees
Required: Windows 2000, XP Home, XP Pro, 2003 Server, Vista
Macintosh R-based attendees
Required: Mac OS X 10.3.9 (Panther) or newer


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Computer Classes for December
The following computer classes will be offered in December:
MS PowerPoint I – presented on December 10th, 3:00 - 4:30 p.m.
MS PowerPoint II - presented on December 12th, 3:00 - 4:30 p.m.
These are not classes for beginners. Some basic computer knowledge is required.
To register for classes you may either stop by the reference desk or phone the library at 281-484-2036 and one of the librarians will sign you up for the classes.


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Canterbury earthquake portfolios reallocated
David Shearer
Labour Leader
11 July 2013
Canterbury earthquake portfolios reallocated
The Labour Leader David Shearer has today named new spokespeople in two key Canterbury earthquake portfolios.
The minor reshuffle follows Lianne Dalziel's decision to stand for the Christchurch mayoralty.
Clayton Cosgrove will take over responsibility for the Earthquake Commission, while Ruth Dyson becomes Canterbury Earthquake Recovery spokesperson.
Wigram MP Megan Woods also picks up an Associate Education role, working with Chris Hipkins on Christchurch schools. The new delegation comes on top of her work as Associate Transport spokesperson for Christchurch.
"Lianne Dalziel will stay on as Associate Justice and Civil Defence and Emergency Management spokesperson. I've appointed Louisa Wall as associate Civil Defence and Emergency spokesperson and it is my intention that she will take over the full role when Lianne Dalziel leaves Parliament.
"Lianne Dalziel has done sterling work as Labour's Earthquake Recovery and EQC spokesperson. She has stood up for the people of Christchurch and driven Labour's grassroots approach to tackling the rebuild. I thank her for her hard work and commitment, and know she will continue to support and advocate for Cantabrians.
"But given her bid for the Christchurch mayoralty, Lianne agrees that the time is right for others to step into those roles.
"In Clayton Cosgrove and Ruth Dyson, Labour has two of its most experienced and capable MPs ready to take over. They are in touch with the reality of the challenges the city and the region face, and they will do an outstanding job.
"I'm also pleased to give Megan Woods an expanded role in the vital area of Christchurch schools. Since her election in 2011 she has proved herself to be a talented MP, and is more than ready to take on extra responsibility.
"Labour has a great team of Christchurch MPs, and I know this new line-up of spokespeople will continue Labour's record of fighting hard for the people of Christchurch," says David Shearer.