text:
|The barriers were not going to be a problem
|It was the man's version of "button, button, who's got the button?".
|"Well, you ain't my brudda, and dis ain't a dime."
|Spies, still, use many of the old techniques.
|Ah, yes. The real talent was left behind with the pharohs
|If only he had read romance novels, he would know why and how and where and when and who
|Mr. Christian, still, didn't understand the appeal of the books
|"This isn't gray! It's blue and it's only ONE shade of blue!"
|Porn, the early days
|Fear of Flatulence ensued
|It wasn't the button that bothered her. It was that her mother had just told her about the germs in spittle
|...when presidential candidates dream...
|dawnling sees nothing but Catholicism in this pic
|Bath time at the priory was not for relaxation.
|Jacob did not know why he was to lift his choir-boys robe up - yet
|"Let's play Batman and Robin again!"
|James would go to any length to sell a house
|How the Gallo Winery began.
|"What will I tell dad...DAD?!?!?"
|"...and I'll call him, "Grover"."
|I have an idea for a movie. It will be named after the shape of a mountain.
|"So, when does my voice change?"
|"...see, Professor. He is ready for your tutelage."
|"You left the seat up AGAIN!!!!"
|"Hello, sir. I want to ask for your son's hand in marriage..."
|"...butbutbut I can't drive a stick-shift!"
|"Sir said to drive up to the tree, not, "...driver up tree."!"
|The lord and lady were very particular about their eggs
|Spy School...Day Three
|This was the cheapest way that they could find out how fast they can go
|Yes, Veronica, you can ride bicycles in Heaven.
|Candy-Jonesing lead them to dream up a big heist
|Chuckles is showing what happens if you get drunk in your morning suit and then, stay that way
|Every day, Fido, really, wished that he could bark in English,
|No. The artist has never seen a real teetertotter. Why do you ask?
|Cliff could never resist a man in uniform
|How To Get Herpes, 3
|They had many ways to keep the excitement in their marriage.
|The caddys knew enough to be quiet but Berg was going to give Turf an earful at the clubhouse
|( I don't even know golf and I know that swing/stance is AWFUL!! )
|In later years, golf pros would want to use this this picture for teaching but would be too horrified to show it
|The Laplanders harvested the backscratchers in Spring and Autumn
|If this was timelapse, we could watch him go gray
|"No. We have no plans to put Satanist Holidays on the calendar."
|"But if I don't get MY 30% profit every quarter, I'm not going to be in any frame of mind to consider your situation."
|Scrooge kept shafting Cratchit, generation after generation
|If she had any money of her own, she would have bought him a movie camera so that the next, "probing" could be filmed.
|His first clue was the black lipstick
|Even after she grew up, Alice , still, found herself wondering about a lot of things about the land
|Older doctors had take the "Sensitivity Training Courses" MANY times before the information sank in.
|"Yah. She's had enough of being a man, again, and wantS it snipped off, again. Yes...triple-price this time."
|"No. He did not finish his anti-biotics...Yes. Standard gas-chamber will be fine."
|Well, it wasn't visions of sugar plums...
|Waiting for The Dave Matthews Band to be potty trained was tedious
|Where did you put the key?
|Even in the future, Cinderella's sisters fought over the shoe
|The Power of Positive Thinking has, real, limits
|"...use'ta be able to..." don't count
|All the King's horses and all the King's men called 911
|The white gloved triggered his Post Traumatic Inspection Disorder
|She thought that she was better than any closet. They, both, disagreed
|Before now, he didn't realize that she was a Klingon
|He should have waited until ALL of the guests were plastered
|Really, it was a form of Tourette's but what he meant was, "It's a girl!".
|Gerald never outgrew his frat days. Only the new guests were surprised at the messes
|No one but Hans knew that the Lord was not called "Bushie" due to his chest hair
|When you can't find an airport men's room...
|"The closet" was only for beginners.
|Later she would invent Altoids.
|He forgot how old he was until he passed a mirror
|IN the future, she would getting a job, recording..."...the conversation will be recorded".
|The officers, discovering that they are required to, "mingle".
|Captain Fuller did not realize that the CEO would be speaking in tongues.
|Ronnie was about to experience, "trickle down"
|When Nancy Reagan dreamed...
|...and this is how rr got the alzheimer's
|Brent had to explain that the car was purchased in England.
|Brent, explained, slooowly, that, inside a car, it's not hitchhiking.
|Brent had never met any one who knew-not rock-paper-scizzors.
|Dr. Higeen's "help wanted" ad never took a vacation from it's spot in the paper
|...when Feeley decided to study karate.
|Due to sufficient staffing, Billy had never met his mother before.
|Without Santa as a threat, Billy, still, racked-up naughty-points on every subject
|Gum. No matter what brand...it lasts and lasts.
|"Shoving off" was not the priority
|Shine Shine every where a Shine
|Brune was in charge of training the greenhorns. Stan forecast the weather. Promotable? No.
|...first day of testing for the car withthesteeringwheel in the center ofthe seat and Mark forgot his clipboard!
|low rockin'...small crowd...no prob
|Damon was about to realize that he should have kept it refrigerated.
|Damon had a lot to learn about customer service.
|"Hey! You're not my U.N.C.L.E.!"
|"I thought that you said that you were going to give him a cheeseburger."
|"I can has gin."
|"...but but but, why is the paw darker than the leg?"
|"But, Dad, I thought that Santa Claws comes down the CHIMNEY in DECEMBER!"
|...and that's when Squeege got the idea to open a Nail Salon.
|Gay-Categories: "Bear", "Otter". "Top", "Bottom", "Fashion Fella", "Godzilla".
|No-smoking enforcement has gone to "full intimidation"
|(The typers growl at Guy) ( with love and understanding )
|"NO! No topless-service!"
|"You stride to the end of the runway AND THEN, unzip the jacket and don't trip on the GD shoes!!"
|"Stylish hazmat suits....hmmm. Yah. I'm in for ten percent."
|"Just sip one back and I tell a tale - a tale of a drunken sip. It started with a nice Chianti"
|"Call me...Ishmael6-5000."
|"...hair of the dog, or dogs as it were."
|When Vincent said, "You're next!", the cameraman found that he could run with the big camera, quite well.
|"Grinder" makes for some wild times
|Early CPR techniques were, rather, hit/miss.
|She knew that he had the right to bare arms.
|Thox never questioned his mom about his dad. He just knew that Hollywood would provide him with steady work.
|...movie directors, trying to make, "...of mice and men..." into a blockbuster movie...
|In the future, therapists would never believe Red's stories.
|"But I don't want to inherited the yellowish clouds above the earth!"
|"...you showed me your beer-foam maker last week!"
|""No", means: "NO!""
|"Taste the rainbow. Run to the rainbow for safety."
|...when Roombas dream...
|Men folk be lovin' the slow cookin' 'til they gets hongry
|Jake knew that his uncles must have had different fathers but he kept it to himself.
|"Sure it gets too hot but look at how slow the meter spins when the AC is off."
|The mountain road wound and wound. Could he tuck-and-roll yet...yet...yet?
|Finally, he understood what his mother meant when she warned him about books and their covers and judging.
|Auditions for the bassbassbass bassoon were few and far between
|Jones didn't like Henry to use his, in-home "casting couch" as a way to cover for being gay.
|Mrs.Jones idea of "foreplay" caused the basement to be rather "full" after a while.
|His daughter was the reason that Jones learned to "M.E.-At-Home"
|"It's a "SELF-EXAM", buddy!!"
|"thumb" was the code for "kidney sale"
|Doc knew that he looks would drop the drawers quicker than money
|"I have the best pictures from the medical books laminated...wanna come look?"
|If you ain't "got game", you might as well build one.
|A fella likes to put his best face forward, especially if he has to.
|Reese neglected to notice that technology had made another jump
|Reese was disappointed by the security in his gated community
|...little known fact, outside of singing, Bing had very bad timing
|The men were dressed for bed. Ms. Lamour was dressed for Bali
|Vaseline-on-the-teeth will only go so far in holding a smile
|Hope Hope Hope Hope and not much bing
|"I hope that you know the difference between a "ping" and a "Bing"."
|(this picture would be a crucial part of the lawsuit)
|Introverted pilots do not realize that there is value in talking the air traffic controllers
|The Perils of Time Travel as witnessed by the guillotined
|"...and that how I met my significant other."
|Dressage a Trois
|Camp David, in the year 3017
|Begin, Sadat, Carter
|Brad knew that he could show his, now, too.
|"Lot's of us in Congress have this."
|"They told me it's a "lamb-something" but it makes me feel like a ram!"
|Kim Jong Un's, boots were adorable
|The Witness Protection Program surgeons, do, have a sense of humor.
|"yeeah, yoo durty rat, yoo killd my brdddua, seee? "
|The Sunday-morning gambling-loss confessions were the, real, cause of the potions.
|"Honey", he said, "My mother is coming to stay with us for a few months.".
|The twins enjoyed their arguing FAR more than did the people around them.
|..and, STILL, no epicanthic fold!
|"Dad Dad Dad, "they" are going to add a "g" on the end and call it "blogging" uh huh uh huh"
|"...see? The picture moves, just like for Harry Potter!"
|Trilby realized...just take her dancing & Slick's "cool" would end with his pants
|What's the secret to giant gingerbreadmen? Sprinkle with steroids before baking!
|She never regretted the corset or the augmentation
|When Tyler's mom said that she never took hormones, no one believed her.
|Help Wanted: Kitchen Staff. Must be able to work under pressure. Full time and over time hours available.
|Yes. It was an arranged marriage but she took her dowry and ran off with the Golden Goose
|Her favorite part of arranged marriages was the shopping.
|"Wake up, Mee Maw. Jello has been invented and you can have dessert again!"
|Yep. That's spinach.
|Did you bring the keys?
|The solo Viking didn't do as well after landing his ship
|The hairdressers were the richest people of this tribe
|They, really, should hire a female employee but, it was an, "good ol' boys" decorating service.
|The "protection-from-wallpaper-meter" had to be dialed in to 11.
|The desire for the jewelry of others can be overwhelming.
|(she is wishing the bird mites to be off of Dawnling forever!)
|Stanton did not how to pick the right time to ask for a daughter's hand in marriage.
|Stanton tried to give a gentleman's explaination to Stavros as to why a mind-meld with a melon wasn't cricket
|Some Americans were REALLY tired of losing at the game of bowling
|His dancing was great but no one would tell him about his breath
|The ghost of Bruce Lee had a way of showing up when blonde guys least expected it.
|Bif/Tom hated his mom's choice of baby-sitters but cussing was not allow, not even in a bubble
|"yez puts on yez' jecket, now, cuz weez gots dinna rezavashuns"
|...countdown to voice-change
|Really, Halloween Promo should not start before school does
|after the ice bucket- challenge...the flatulence-levitation challenge
|"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy, Babarino!"
|I let Dawnling come in and look around!
|Are they bird mites or silly nibblers?
|He couldn't really, be Superman, but he could fly as long as his ears were warm.
|"Help Wanted" Hogwarts
|When asked his grade-point average, he did not know what to say and so just pointed to his shirt
|She like his sweet nothings
|As usual, Mark was speechless
|"You're the only one who smells like Ben Gay..."
|CHarles hated extra-duties but no extra-duties = no feathers.
|"Are you from Sir Norton or are you of McAfee?"
|Yup, Cindy Boehner-Schuman set a new record. Most crying + most records
|The fortune teller told her about tapes, CDs and Mp3s.
|Margo was told to check her records but was unable to find that bounced check
|Suddenly, Jake realized that it was the lyrics to a repeatable chant!
|Here, at the eighth level, each person could pick a new tattoo
|Silence was part of the ritual.
|Melvin used to be a priest
|NO ONE knew why Melvin was so successful with the ladies...NO ONE
|Filled with courage, Melvin prepares to hand Phillipa his love letter, but Phillipa only sees the meteor
|"nobody knows da trubble I seen." Geri was maudlin
|She hoped that the smell of sweat and cooking would hide the smell of the milk man
|Top-Heavy Tilly's Time Management Class was going to start late.
|and breathing black dust we will ne'er do again, from the bonny bonny tips of the roof tops!"
|...I'll join the Union befooore yeee!
|"OOOOH! Yee tuck the high road and I'll tuck the low road.
|"...and you milk the cow like this:"
|In the days before Victoria's Secret all lingerie was the same color...and style
|Adella, wishing for karate
|"Yeah? But you have baaaaad breath!"
|"Yeah? Well, YOUR mother likes football!"
|"yeah? Well, your mom dresses you by putting your socks on your arms and saying that they are sleeves!"
|Mr.Bune, of HR, did not know like Mr. Voolph's delegation-style
|Voolph was not a micro-manager
|They could feel the babysitter's rate climbing with each breath
|Charles forgot the funnel too.
|The smiles of the pumps made it worse
|Bertha forgot that kids do not stay small
|Bertha never got the letter from Hogwarts. Everyone knew why but Bertha
|Bertha's brother was a priest
|"It's from "BlackLipstick, inc." It's a bill"
|"It's from my older brother"
|"What's a "stampneeded""?
|It wasn't Pavlock's snobbery that was offensive. It was his breathhhhhhh.
|Officer James knew that he had to follow the lead of the sergeant but he hated to watch a man spit indoors
|"I'm taller than you. So, I speak first and most often." ( "hock/patooee" )
|"It's an "umlaut". You pull on your mouth like this:"
|All that he could think of was kissing.
|She always sniffed her little brothers friends as a cover for her nearsightedness
|"Lobbing Bombs - The Musical" was more of a write-off than an income stream
|"CLASSIFIED, duh!"
|Slim was such a bully that Tiny Ted hid from all bicycles
|Nope. No levitation. Nope.
|She didn't like when he sang the prose
|...practicing to be a set of salt and pepper shakers
|"I can't have my son be called a Hobbit! Come out and shave those feet!"
|"...no no no...the CLOSET!"
|"I don't want a hairdo like yourssssss!"
|"Arlo, next time, I dip and you don't!"
|Game of Breath
|Jennifer was pleased when the remote camera showed that the love potion was working
|It was the "Nantucket" limerick! Yes! Yes, it was!
|No one had ever seen anyone put a their tongue right up inside their nose
|...just before the "motorboating"
|"No shoes/No service!"
|"She is NOT prettier than I am!"
|"You should have used the bathroom before we left the dungeon!"
|"It's not a dress! It's a coat!"
|"Don't say "guillotine" again!"
|"There is no class-warfare!"
|..Hansel and Gretel...all grown up
|Dad let the kids deal with the bill this time
|"You know to not start until the music starts!"
|It wasn't so much that her dominatrix costume was not his favorite. She stole all the covers.
|"No Quidditch in bed". It was clear in the pre-nups
|Little Red Riding Hood sent in her dad, first, but, the wolf had put on the wrong nightgown.
|Waiting for an iPhone was more painful for those who could envision it first
|"This girl wants you to show her how to do makeup."
|"and then, milk came out of his nose!"
|Now, if they could just do something about her breath
|Professor McGonagall might not approve of their elaborate gowns but they were going to try to get in anyway
|"Ascio, gown!"
|She didn't like them and she wasn't shy about it EVER
|They knew what chocolate did to her but knew that they could not stop it at this point.
|Real passion showed up at Carol's face when anyone kissed her brother
|...low on treats? Yes. Yes, indeed.
|No one sat next to them in church either
|Nope...not a crow in sight, any where.
|Even with his antenna up, Roger didn't register the rock
|Dodger squinted and ran before impact, as futile as it was
|With out the backseat, Dodger had to pace and peak
|"Fine print Schime print, give me that pen!"...famous last words
|It was a new achievement in the pinnacles of legaleez
|The hair club for men started pretty small
|"You can't ride in armor. I don't care what your mom said!"
|"Look, we share the same caterer no matter which movie we are in."
|I was THERE. It WAS midnight and I WAS singing my camel to bed! Where was she???
|After this, Martin stopped making jokes about "getting wood".
|Well, this explains the bad dancing
|Baby-Face Jones secret is secret no more
|She was a great scientist but she had to pray five times a day
|"No. You don't look thinner."
|"I can, still, smell your breath."
|Well, it wasn't "barber shop" and it wasn't a quartet but, the price was right.
|Ebenezer, not only, had the mos famous visit, he had the better-dressed ghosts.
|"men men men men men men men men MENNNNN"
|"Sing a song...a song of hair...hairy hair, hair, hair, hair. I don't neeeeeed a sweaterrrrr!"
|( those aren't antlers...he uses a lot of "moose" in his "hair" )
|..off to catch flies
|"Since Dawnling can't erase her other trigger, I'm applying honey to the situation."
|Sir Horace's plans for a water park might exceed his reach
|Guy's site-fix team, girds for "battle" and reads through the to-do list, again
|Sir Horace, really, wished that someone else would show up for auditions
|This was the last clear picture of their faces that the locust-cam captured
|Children? Yes. Corn? Yes.
|She never saw her husband move that fast before
|Even after they grew up, Betsy won all of the wrestling "matches".
|Betsy was glad that she didn't live in a neighborhood of arranged marriages
|Betsy could not understand how someone so thin could have any water inside to sweat with
|Monsanto's mouse was not making headway with the pollinator population
|"It's spelled, "bee", not, "Bea"!"
|Tad rebounded as quickly as a new girl could be drawn and inked
|"She looks like she is faking "having more fun"."
|"Wy yo date yor sistur?"
|AHrsef's delivery was wonderful but Sir Dougglass knew that the rest of the cast would not tolerate the smell
|Sir Dougie Fresh wore armour when he held auditions...just in case.
|Sir Doug's Anti-Illiteracy Campaign had some pretty old students
|Not one, "gazuntite", was heard.
|The Queen gave a rendition of, "Shenandoah" after dessert.
|Guy calls in a team for a closer look
|"Whew, Duuuude...a little cologne goes lonnnnng way!"
|"Whew, Dude...your breath!"
|butbutbut, the King loves Guy and is happy knowing that tech, always, needs tweaking
|What the old man didn't realize is that he should have been a firefighter all along
|...as she realized what the smell is...
|Aquaman's dad thought that hanging out with young people is coooool. The young people are of a different frame of mind
|"What?? No hat ?!?!?!"
|...and, still, Martin was a stealth-dork.
|"Hey, "...because Freud did it.", is not a good enough reason!"
|"Lieutenant, I can have an open-carry permit because I fulfilled all of the requirements first."
|As this, young officer was about to find out the Captain loves ballroom dancing
|"Maybe you can see our computer one day. We have one. Yes. We do."
|The tenors, all, have beards and the baritones, all, dress funny
|On his other shoulder, is, a Vulcan
|Clown College has it's dropouts too.
|The tech-guy comes to help Guy with his site.
|Flashy didn't want no metal hands on hiz womin
|...and the singing goes on and on!
|...smells like jello
|Dawn needs to call them to erase sloppy entry! Do you have their number?
|The bill control works well but condoms would have been more affordable
|(She knew that, this, would be a doozy.)
|"Did you bring the keys?"
|"...but men understand this stuff, automatically."
|He says that we should be wearing sunscreen
|They want the next dance.
|They want chocolate and cigarettes
|"Hey, Dad! "Swing your partner" is, a bit of, an expression!"
|...and she wanted to say, "say it - don't spray it" but she dressed for the occasion instead
|"Geez", she thought, "I'm getting too old for this shyt.".
|Ben never felt more beautiful than when he was living his truth.
|Well, they both had strap-ons. So, it was not clear who would go where.
|On one hand, there is: "coming out of the closet". On another is: "Invitations". On another is: "good invitations".
|Naked roommates bother Shug, even, more than the flavor of the lemonade
|""No, singing while naked", is written in the lease."
|"No shaving at the table, dude."
|On Planet England/Australia/NewZealand, we have to drive on the opposite side of the road
|Without a windshield, their schazzy technology, never made it to market
|"Mom wants you."
|It was the toughest 10K around.
|oops! He put no words in his box and oxenon in the tanks
|If you refuse to go to school, you might make mistakes when trying to shoot a movie.
|(This doesn't look like "acting".)
|NRA Gay - Uncloseted and sweaty
|Sir, it says that every one thinks that you're JFK. So, we are going with it. YOU= ICON forever!
|Sir, this says that you won but that it would be better if you forewent the salary since your entire family is stinkrich
|The report from the pensive left Smarty-Part so shocked that he could not read it to JFK
|Drinking and flying had thrown the duck's migration patterns all off
|Urk tells Ducky the story of Dawnling, The Typer Who Felt Grossed Out By Her Last Trigger Entry
|Getting the ducks drunk and taking advantage of them was easier to hide, north of the border
|Blondes are confused as to why caneing is used as a punishment in some countries
|After this, the blonde went looking for Able.
|She did not know that it was fresh from Fukushima
|"But I'm not Polish!"
|When he said that he couldn't get them to stop vibrating, she got ideas
|Neither of them were able to communicate with these aliens.
|"I am saying, "Cheese.". Now, take the picture!"
|Gandalf's young brother, never was his bro's match with the smoke-rings or with the ladies.
|"I have the whitest teeth!...for now"
|Finally,...jet packs.
|Pretty soon, they would be red-necks-no-more.
|Her skirt went WAAAAY up in the air!
|"With this ring, I thee wed! dammit!"
|When the family got together, both of them regressed. They would be seated at the child's table AGAIN this year
|Love Love Love, Love Love Love, Love Love Love...It's eazay! All you need is Love, ba ba baba ba
|NOW, she could see, a lot, better
|Emily Post never shared how to remove the host's eyeball from your hand at foreign events
|The palm reader gave her a helluva reading
|Jesus got a time machine but the technology is rattling his nerves
|Who's this??? It's you with a DIFFERENT god, isn't it!!!?
|She told them, "black tie", not, "black knee-high". tsk
|How many blondes does it take to wreck a robot? Two...or one...or three...or more...or so
|"Blondes to the left of me. Blondes to the right. Here I am - stuck in the middle with two"
|Dawn amuses herself while the general goes over his "to-do" list with the lieutenent
|Dawn explains to Face that gay people are not willing fight partners
|Blue explains tolerance to Face
|Guy explains "equality" to Face.
|Yeah, they weren't good kissers either
|Next week, Boko Haram will be selling them some FRESH toys.
|Yeah, All the good dancers are here on Earth
|Dean didn't think that Carl'd have that much power in his back kick while talking at the same time
|He shoulda done his cardio before he started punching the young people
|His singing brought many people to their knees
|The family that drinks together, fights about the Will together.
|Bob and Skip shared every thing
|"Kiss the Bottle" is a very different game than, "Spin the Bottle"
|'North!! I said, "NORTH!""
|It took a lot of work to get the will written "correctly".
|James-the-Charmless refuses to buy-dinner-first.
|As the wolves circled, she looked for a tree to climb but decided on claws instead
|Wait, John. You're too young to tell if she's a Russian spy. This is a job for senior management only
|No. Her typing skills were not impressive. How did you guess?
|Later, the tooth brush would be added with CGA
|Billy put the nail polish, far, past the nails but, it was VERY easy to make his mother proud
|Tom and Tammy's Eurovision entry was light on choreography.
|Tom and Tammy listen to the the baby monitor, again, tonight unaware that a homewrecker has infiltrated
|Neither of them finished high school. Both of them were awed by the "theory" of "lift".
|What they, really, needed is: rain...you know - wet droplets from the sky
|The officer could not figure out how to pull them over
|Charles hadn't been offered candy since the third grade.
|Her disguise was. almost, wonderful. But, she forgot to disguise her hands.
|"Yes. This plane, does, fly at tree-level."
|Just one evening, she like to not answer questions about "horizontal vs vertical".
|It was tough for her to look up while wearing fake epicanthic folds.
|(just before she gave the chop with her fake hand)
|Everyone's a Critic! Sven enjoyed his limited pallet
|Vegan Nightmares, s1, e2
|Hell's Kitchen kept the apron
|"...and when we flick the light on in the closet..."
|Charles slept on duty too but, everyone owed him money
|It took a lot of pep-talkin' to get Gramps to attempt his first fist-bump.
|She paid well but they would, happily, have carried her doggie for free.
|Ah'm tywed.Tywed of bewing admired.Tywed of wuv, uninspiwired.Dey talk of Bywon&Shelly& jump on my belly&bus my balloons
|009, Licenced, on-the-clock and ready for work
|He tried to pass the driving test. He, really, really did.
|"Round and Round and Round and what we're looking for, still, isn't found"
|engineer's porn
|This was much better than that finger-pulling business.
|He, always, let her hold the brake-handle. Yes. He did...always...just hold it...again and again. Hoooooold the brake
|OOH! What a large speculum you have!' "...the better to PAP you with, my dear."
|You might ask if they celebrate May Day. They do not.
|Jerald bought only one pencil before art class that day.
|"Diversity" had not, yet, spread but music-reception was excellent.
|"If you make noise, I'll put you in the spin cycle again!"
|It wasn't the harsh discipline or the rundown house. It was the sheets with stains
|"NO getting up until night!"
|(Blondie forgot to bleach his eyebrows)
|Ah! The joys that happen when women rule are legion!
|Kirk and Spock...letting off steam in the proto-holodeck
|"I told them last week - NO METAL MARTINI GLASSES!"
|Insisting on singing, Gerald's solo stayed solo
|(No one would tell him that it was because he has bad breath)
|"I wish I had a cell phone with an Internet connection, no roaming fees, screen protector, a camera andandandandand"
|Waiting for servants can be, very, tedious.
|"So, I says, "like, OMG -lol" an' she says, "like, what ever" I mean, like, yah"
|The lack of guns did not seem to bother the natives
|The asylum had great stylists but lousy security
|Jane felt that she was being encouraged to go into mining as a career
|OOOOOOKLahomah! where the wind comes in little black pen marks
|Dawnling could not think of anything funny because she wanted the house, badly
|The chemo had, only, affected her hair. She was as strong as ever but, Roger/Tom-John was a, "hair-guy".
|Soon, Roger/Tom-John was questioned about his mimicking of the Queen's wave.
|Roger/Tom-John found that Erich Von Daniken was wrong about the "gods".
|No seat belts. No headrests. Ah!
|Once upon a time, people had to type with all fingers when they were sitting in the car and the words STAYED in the car
|It was a big move to fight off writer's block but the deadline was looming
|...what, really, happened on Mount Olympus.
|Food-delivery fail
|Bob liked the smell and leaned in
|As usual, "cultural differences" are the sourse of friction
|He was not used to Christmas presents that had opinions and moods and the ability to veto.
|( what man, really, thinks that the stench gets a woman in "the mood"? )
|As the slap came in, her outward/upward block met it. HyYAH!
|'...call me "Ginger" ONE more time!"
|"you are handsome and people like you-you are handsome & smart & people like you-you are good looking & charming & witty
|The secret of Roger-Tom's success is the trapped pep-talk Genie
|He wanted to pet it but had heard that they bite and slap and howl
|The Natives state that whities are closer to apes due to Hairyhairy hairiness
|What you can't smell will help you to look at it long enough to come up with a punch line :)
|No blondes made it through the interview
|In those days, it was the only way that they could touch each other in public
|Elvis, the highschool days, trying not to shake the pelvis in biology class
|...AND, STILL, he forgot his pants!
|Former smokers are the most vocal
|Methinks he protesteth too much
|but would "she" remember to wash "her" hands?
|Tracy fell asleep in the Hershey's again but failed to notice AGAIN
|Cat-love is the truest love
|None of the robots realized that they did not need guns
|...playing paint ball, for keeps, is a blood sport
|Eventually, cats were able to build robots that were big enough to put people into carriers. Then, they denied them beer
|Billy tried to ignore Uncle Dan's excessive Grecian Formula-use.
|Confused, Dan was eating the knobs. Billy had no cell phone to make a call.
|It's, either, food or music. I haven't smelled it yet tho.
|Kenneth's eyebrows could not go up any more. So, Todd did it for him.
|Fashion Faux Pas Number 7: wearing the turban too low
|The third-eye implant was a success but they forgot the x-ray-vision implants! Threats flew.
|Only upper management gets the swim caps
|Solar Powered Shirt Factory Training Film, Subject 1: Wearing Safety Goggles
|(Gordon Ramsey enters in 3, 2, 1...)
|Geoff, Winter is Coming.
|Geoff, brace yourself. There is only meatloaf for dinner, again, minus the meat.
|Did you register to vote?
|Baby tried to care. Really, he did.
|The little guy had not learned the word, "inappropriate" yet.
|Timothy William Jefferson Alexander, the first born. Not knowing how to parent, his dad just asked a lot of questions.
|"Who can reach the levers and not lose toes tho?"
|"WAIT!! You have to PAY for those!"
|The food wasn't that good but the fortune cookies were worth it.
|Yeah, well she told me that she made you pay double
|I'm looking for a joke that is as good as Guy's "...Uranus" joke from yesterday.
|My tie does NOT have to look good with my shoirt. I don't care, see? You got it now? See?...wise guy!
|Bumping the chair is not polite way to get a turn
|They had the best resonance of.all the quartets
|Although they looked like candy, they were not sweet
|What do you mean, "primary colors"?
|All this and he was, still, a "C" student
|Well, he's Canadian. So, it's, all, covered.
|...anything but study.
|Do you want to go first?
|Arf and Marf got carried away while they were waiting to be colored in
|...andt naow,yew vill show uz de Cee Pee Arrr
|The term, "micromanager" had not been invented yet but the practice was, heavily, practiced.
|Johnson could not get Martin to shut up while he worked. Transfer application IN
|yaaaaaah, look at THAT flagella!
|Even drunk, these guys didn't slur...very impressive
|Their set-list was too heavy on the limericks for a "G" rating
|The Lollipop Guild's fame grew after "Oz" but they had to keep the name AND the outfits for bookings.
|The Lollipop Guild aged rather well...considering
|One guy, making a pass, was creepy on the street but using one's dad as a wingman was far too creepy for the camera gal
|Boehner's family, always, got polished up and smiled for the weekly handout, I mean "luncheon".
|(pretend that we aren't a couple pretend that we aren't a couple pretend that we aren't couple SHHHHHHH)
|This is no way to learn to pass the Driver's Test
|Renegade jeeps; a supper hero's worst nightmare. They were going to be late for supper for sure now
|Well, there goes the suspension
|The Full Moon brings out many thingsssssssssssssss
|Mother Nature has many friends
|Bargain Basement Windup Toys have their down sides
|"Your face is getting looooonger..."
|Tyrion Lannister had to take what ever work he could get after Winter Came
|The Mer-People abstain from the consumption of coffee
|Genie was sleepy and wanted to get back into the bottle for a nap but Charles would not stop singing.
|The two-handed salute was more capitulation than honor
|When you say, "he was this tall", you two shoulda got your stories straight
|The Bronze Zorkon, finally, showed up to remove the roommate's "friends"
|He updated his resume to include, "has more superior tech-skills than my superiors", RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM
|The one-stars were moving their lips as they read but only "we" noticed
|The three-star was appalled that a man was typing
|Older people don't, always, want to wait for help with their devices
|The angel was, still, in the shower.
|Many roommates are awful.
|Blondie made a lot of money as a breath-smeller but was not fulfilled by the work.
|Blondie had yet to learn the most important defense- "I'm rubber. You're Glue..."
|Aggressive "OHM"ing was the style of bullying at Yoga School
|Mousie loved any guy without pants.
|Buzz knew that the best way to age well is to never use your stinger. The message didn't translate well
|"No. I've never heard of a Craig or his list. Do you say that they will let me pay by check?"
|The "no smoking" laws bothered some people more than others.
|Chocolate-a-holics never see themselves as others see them
|Officer, I don't LIKE to stop at red lights
|Yah, I like that holodeck program too.
|Teaching CPR to aliens was more difficult than expected
|Poor Mark could not afford a shirt. He tried to earn enough by being a French-Kiss demonstration model
|30 and 2, 30 and 2, 30 and 2
|Oddly enough, gay marriage included the little known practice of a handgun wedding instead of a shot gun wedding
|Jehovah's Witnesses are getting MUCH more aggressive
|Paper Covers Rock but Dan had NRA "persuasion" along today
|Marlon was losing a lot in the translation of his requests.
|Some men do not know why they are single. So, they go shopping.
|Marlon knew that the sales-pitch was going well.
|"MMMMM, I love the smell of female-oppression in the morning!"
|He hired his secretaries by weight, not by volume or literacy or odor.
|'I'm sexy and I know it. Undressed, I don't show it. My poetry don't flow it."
|Reggie, still, thought that he would be on the list of the cool kids & Roggie just pretended that he could read
|Blue Horizon wants help moving but, people are FULL of excuses
|At most shooting ranges, the targets are farther away
|Vicious Dance-Training Camp did not focus on results
|Norman doesn't like the bright headlights any more than I do
|Norman is ticklish, even from afar
|Theraputic singing is for every one!
|Seriously couch, this whole team is gay.
|Seriously couch, we're too scared to play those black guys
|Seriously, couch, we need a black guy or two or three or four
|Same-sex couple make wonderful parents, even for machines!
|They sang it to sleep every night.
|...AND it smelled like mimeograph ink!
|Little Tyler, finally, saw a way to escape from the inane names that suburban moms give.
|...and now, we join GT in the continuing saga of "Poppy". Today's episode: "Poppy and the Parable of the Socks"
|Hey! Look! It's gaydar!
|If they had-a paid attention in school, they-a known what an eclipse is.
|( people were supposed to put their pipes down when they saluted and sang {eye roll})
|He was her big brother but he wasn't her favorite brother and this was not helping
|Before, ""no", means, "no"", girls just kicked and ran.
|Each room had the same snow -theme. By the end of the evening, she had to wait for her eyes to adjust to drive home.
|Due to cologne-macrame, the windows WILL be down
|They could not think of any songs that they could all sing together tho
|Greenberg knew. Chin suspected. Hans was driven to distraction
|BrokeBack Camp games could be, a little bit, over-the-top
|SuperHero pranks tend to have a body-count
|HEY! No FLame-Frisbee during the drought without a raindance!
|Poppy knew that he would be in the elevator when the cigar went off
|Walter Cronkite officiates at Poppy's purchase
|Poppy is thrilled to sign with giggle trigger for as many pics as he can.
|I didn't marry your MOTHER! I married YOU! I do not want to live with your mother!
|I like pants! I wear pants! I don't care if you like pants! I will be wearing PANTS!
|"...but diamonds make me happy. They don't do anything else but..."
|The closet had made Charles into a man who is grim, gray and always looking away.
|Is that, the VPL, against which you warned?
|The early Hair-Clubs were not friendly
|It wasn't so much that they liked her stories. They were fascinated by the way that she smelled.
|"Ah kin drees up lahk a laydee an' get in der an; git hiz gunz, yeah, ah kin, ah kin"
|"...and then, ah hee-ut da bulz eye, raht on da noze an' ah wun and he wuz crahin' lahk a babee"
|Hello. May I borrow a package for my wedding?
|She was pretty and nice but her penchant for recreating the wedding EVERY night was tedious after a while.
|I do want you to say, "I do". Do do it. Do do.
|They were losing the sing-off AND the fashion show
|"Help! Ahm een heer wit a clown an' a hair-club clown!"
|"if you can't fight, be funny", they said..." it will make you safer", they said...( as the exploratory hand explored )
|No one but Marcus was strong enough to hold the ladder over hand with one hand
|Using nepotism to fill supervisor positions lead to much grumbling amongst the staff
|"High Four, Buddy"
|"I'm going evolve my fourth finger today. You'll see. Then, it won't be a "middle finger" at all!"
|Legislative Youth Camp had it's hazings too
|Professor Ricardo's Potions Class was audited more than the others and he knew, very well, why.
|...and he got rid of the evidence right in front of them.
|When it comes to marriage ceremonies, you get what you pay for.
|She got over being embarrassed to be seen in public with it ---- after a few months
|OH, big daddy take me take me ohh mmm so scaly mmm oooh, WAIT! NO BITING!
|Yah, he didn't look like his profile picture AT ALL anymore
|Some people have sick ideas for foreplay
|: Never Marry Someone From The Other Side Of The Aisle
|"Excuse me but I just love bear feet, bear chests, bear bottoms, bear hands...so much that, I can, hardly, bear it!"
|Barry liked dancing but he preferred to lead
|The ghost wanted to know about the woods.
|Nope. They never did get married
|There mother just let children be children and taught them nothing. Their basement apartment would never be cleaned.
|Every thing is gentle in HomeSchool Land but the consequences
|It's a black lipstick refill. They sell them upstairs.
|Put this chip in your dog. It's what responsible owners do.
|Frank Zappa! Paging: Frank Zappa!
|Well, there would be no fights tonight. That was one good thing
|(Singing) "They called her "Roofy" "Roofy" "Roofy", "Roofy of the Sea", swimming to you. Swimming to me..."
|They thought that is was the booze but, it wasn't. It was the water
|Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...
|I don't think that the skier made it off of the dock!
|Sometimes, the closet was so awesome that people stayed in for the fun of it
|Hey! Let's come out of the closet! It's lovely out there!
|Yes. The painting was excellent but,the prize went to "Plastic Red Rectangle" due to judge's husband being a popart fan
|Ari, realized, then, that gay, is real.
|Beans, beans the musical fruit...
|The Church Of Barnum pushed mandatory laugh-healings
|Pre-backhand, Russell's pokerface was the stuff of legend
|"Dr." Brodman had unique methods that were not driven by results
|Sometimes, phrenology can, really, matter
|Percussive Barbering was not destined to be popular
|I think that I missed a spot
|"The feathers are over that way."
|The time-machine transported every thing but his face
|Even back then, hats with veils looked better on women
|You, still, can't use the "n" word
|...but first, the Tranya
|Neither believed the other about color TV
|Octogenarians, often, are more patient with the beginners
|OH!...not you, again!
|WAIT! That isn't how the cocaines work!
|Holmes tried to bend down to look but the green of his shirt was too convex
|Can you see what color they are going to use to colorize the walls?
|The Revolution will not be televised! Just put it between my shoulder blades and get it over with!
|Fetch that litter box here NOW!
|"Ringworm" is not a worm!!!! It's a fungus...a plant-life!
|She's a Psychic Chiropractor
|...like milk or like wine?
|"...and Ruffie was her name, tra la la,sing a hey high diddle away"
|Some people stick to their Olympic dreams no matter what
|"Cap'n!! She's venting dry plasma!!"
|Ari knew that it would not tasted better with more stirring but Redd seemed so happy that Ari just left him to it.
|Poor thing. He can't afford a shirt.
|Allergies; his "Achilles' heel".
|Blondes think that they are having more fun.
|CEO tendencies, appearing early, often, go untreated
|Most people were sure that Rusty would have no trouble coming out of the closet
|Having no singing talent in the family just made it worse
|like-father-like-son. like-mother-like-a-dishrag
|Back then, they didn't call it "The Special Olympics"
|(sotto voce) "...just tell her that her singing is beautiful!"
|Horace REALLY liked his sister and did not realize that he was drooling
|We have solved the problem called, "racism"!
|Sun-Protection Gone Wild
|...delicious? Yes. Yes, we are.
|She didn't realize it but, her time-travel was showing
|All he said was, "Heel!"
|Even before he was a Senator, he could not make women like him.
|...really, Marv was just jealous
|The date did not start off well. It made for a great story to tell the grand-adoptees
|...or your aftershave either!
|At heart, she, really, was a blonde.
|He's a chimp off the old block
|DON'T monkey with him! He'll go bananas! Its a hairy situation! It brings out the animal in me!
|She takes the cake too.
|...and then, she made a monkey out of him!
|Debra hated her mom's talents
|The Mall, where fashion dreams die.
|Her dad enforced the rules on EVERY date, even after college
|Androgynous dressing, still, leaves us with: "Vive la Difference!".
|Jack and Jill went down the hall to get to the end of the wall. Jimmy Crown was upside down and didn't mind at all.
|"The Empty-Holster Clubs" hazings were tame
|In the curious case of Brenda Button, the hot flashes came during childhood
|"This calls for a course of leeches"
|She's coughing out her Whoops
|James had NEVER met a blonde who could read!
|( eyes eyes eyes...what color are her eyes!!!!?)
|" THOSE LIGHTS ARE supposed TO BE GOING ON AND OFF!"
|The planet was small but it had oxygen
|Arthur Murray's, Remedial Wednesday were all private classes
|Although company policy was "no worktime/workplace intimacy" Chuck and Mark snuck into empty conference rooms OFTEN
|The "Karate for Lunch" program made for many a sweat-scented afternoon
|Janice's experiments in polygamy were fraught with tension
|Janice wondered why she was single
|(...waiting for the hairs to grow.)
|The Sharper Image Catalog had very few products in the beginning
|Some men love cars. Some men love porn. Some men LOVE electronics
|In person, his acting wasn't very silent
|THERE's MY LUGGAGE!!!!!!!!!
|I'm singing at the border, singing at the border, got a smile on my face and I'm singing to the vid-recorder
|...and now for the Hide-and-Seek Not-Champions!
|"Freeze-or-Fly" Class: 102, Bldg. #4 Tues/Thurs Ins: Lupine
|The new blonde had never experienced Kenneth's level of over-acting before.
|After having her beloved cat turn into a man, Justine, STILL, had to deal with his hairballs
|Erin was trying to pretend that he was not the one who barfed but he was not successful
|"OK, kids, we have to get home without touching any barf!"
|yah, that is what I see too: barf
|You DO NOT need that much lipstick!
|You! That's MY purse, not yours!
|hey! All carry-on luggage gets weighed now!
|Myopia was, definitely, in this gene-pool.
|When gossip won't wait, just call for: "I Can" and solve your no-call-waiting needs.
|After that Friday, Madge stuck to international customers.
|Surely, you realize that we shine. Surely, you see that you're jealous.
|Showing this year's fashions is Betty.She shows the stain-soaking, ironing-needing days of your, incoming, style-worship
|"Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh Sugar Town"
|What do you mean that you two are too busy to notice that Dawnling is all "pedophilia" today?
|The sign said, "Kiddie PlayHouse" but the emphasis was on "play"
|I know that daddy says that you are the best kisser but you are 15, now, and much too old for him.
|Miming sex-acts whilst on THE throne, behind the king's back make the court laugh at the king's jokes, every time
|The Pinking prefered his Squire to be part cat and an air-kneader
|...to breathe or not to breathe, that is the question.
|She never regretted her decision to never marry
|He didn't know how to make a facial expression that a woman would like. She waited but, it didn't happen
|The 1945 Windsor Knot Champion, still, strutted his old stuff
|I smell marriage! ( or shotgun powder )
|He loved women who wear black lip stick
|She liked men who made her feel taller
|It wasn't a happy marriage
|Crocky's mom ALWAYS had to pay "friends" to come to his parties
|When he took the job at Club Croc, Jamal thought that he'd be wearing them not entertaining them.
|Santa was not nice to the gay elves. He gave them tough assignments
|The Society for Creative Anachronism's elf-unit was not very helpful
|Is it a flashmob of costumed breakdancing or pickpocket distraction?
|High-impact aerobics is getting way out of hand!
|"I'm fine and don't call me, "mummy"!"
|Hey, Joe! I told you about that gun in your hand!
|Fellas, we gots to come up with some sort of collapsable step ladder
|The Lollypop League ran for the hills
|Without the joys of Lamborghinis & Rolexes, Geroldington had to settled for the joy of a sextant (or is it sex-tent?)
|...but she has no dowry. Why would you even bother?
|Did you eff my wife?
|Ronnie loved to squeeze it really really hard. Yes. Yes, he did.
|Clean-up in office 24. Clean-up in office 24.
|Singasong of six-gun,belly full of rye,4&20 perps, lawyers,they couldn't buy.Affulenza clears Ron.Do not cry.Ron=richguy
|Ronnie didn't like kissing. No. No, he didn't.
|Loan: not approved
|...so much easier than slappin' beeoch.
|He, ALWAYS, fired-off before she was ready
|Then, Fezzie asked, "What's a, "counterfeiter?".
|Fezarino didn't like how his lawyer danced with the payments.
|The dowry was delivered in unmarked bills.
|They wanted to learn to read. They, reallyreally, want to learn to read
|Dating Siamese twins was daunting, even for the Most Well-Groomed Man in the World
|The Mannequins - getting ready to say the "news"
|"I'm pregnant and YOU're the father!"
|Rusty and Crusty liked to add an element of danger to their duets.
|"Did you eff my wife? Did you eff my wife? Did you eff my wife? Did you eff my wife?
|Early tests in micro-nutrition left every one hungry for more
|No one believed Li when he gushed about micro processors.
|It's called, "a contact lens'. Don't drop it.
|Tammy wanted to touch but, her uncle taught her not to.
|Timmy didn't want to be rude but the new babysitter was boring and smelled funny, really, really, funny.
|Kent tried to stay in the closet but it wasn't easy
|In the days before augmentation, The Basic Woman was, often, left in the dust by a bigger bust. sighsighsigh
|LOST to ANOTHER blonde!!
|Daffy knew that he'd, ALWAYS, get more ladies because he did not smoke and did not wear pants.
|Don't let anyone or anything control your life. You smoke where you want to smoke!
|Did you know that HFCS is the worst thing ever invented on the planet?
|Isn't there any other part of the Matzah that we can eat?
|People think that I am not smart but I have read Shakespeare in the original French
|I know that they defy the laws of gravity but I never studied law
|On the next, "Oprah" -"Upmarket Lining, Is It Worth The Extra Charge?"
|Freud was about to start questioning his choice of cologne.
|Ok, stay here. We'll be back soon.
|It says to plug it in. What would need to be plugged up with this? Do they want us to shoot it - put a plug in it?
|Ikea - The Early Days
|She was easily impressed by any man who could read.
|Bromance, stuffy, cigar-smelling, old guy-version
|Yes, waiter. Bring me a stack of hundreds
|You can see the good make up and good clothes abut what you can't see is the barfing
|...A Modest Proposal
|Volfie does not know how to not flash when he is outnumbered
|...right before the bunny pulls down on the cane and lands that wolf nose right on the bunny paw and goes all bun-ninja
|Mobile PattyCake Challenge, Sixth Level Unit, ten credits per
|The Goddess of Creation at home with the kiddies
|Dr. Anachronism never realized his fashion faux pas
|Diner's Card - Beta-Tester
|Yes. He will pass "go" and collect two hundred dollars
|Daphneata has no gaydar
|Daphneata loved slumming
|Every Gramma wishes to bean the family's pedophile with a vase. Only the law is in the way (or the witnesses).
|"Drunk Uncle" is one thing but, "Drunk Uncle from The Flat Earth Society" is too much to bear.
|Wild Turkey is NOT Thanksgiving food, Gerald!
|Dooooncy wanted to keep his job very very badly.
|Doooncy thought that he was going to Iraq to vote.
|The Hanukkah elf was drunk already!
|Portrait of Illiteracy - A Tragedy in Exploration Explored
|It seems that the butler never sleeps
|Sir Smetherington-Smythe spends sensational cents on servants to his own chagrin
|It's song by Prince, sir..."U need another lover like you need a hole in your head". I really like it, sir.
|Marie and Bette teamed up as pickpockets. Some "marks" were easier than others.
|"What grade are you getting in American History? A "B"...definitely a "B"."
|"Hi! How are they?"
|Karate doesn't work on water. Water will be like water.
|All the neighbors knew that it wasn't a recessive gene.
|Rocky 0.0001
|Over-dressed for Tennessee weather, Poindexter sweat on everyone every time he turned around
|The fourth monkey is "touch-no-evil"
|The Elephant Man's grandson inherited enough for a really stylin' life-style
|Sponge Bob's old auntie came to visit sometimes but the family was thinking of asking her to stop driving soon.
|Now, divorced, Tim, STILL, doesn't ask for directions
|A girl with two dads and an uncle needs a lot more for wedding-preps
|She tried to explain what was needed in a mini bar but the language barrier was not bridged by alcohol
|Miss Stetson's entourage were more useless than they appeared to be.
|Hagrid sent Harry to sell the skroots on the black market
|Mafia birthday candles
|Code Word: "yellow cake"
|...before the word, "money shot" was used...
|They's gotz bullet-proof vests! Why ain't weez got those?
|pre-peepee match
|...an author, at work
|( this one doesn't need us much )
|They were not good cooks but they were nice and clean. The judges gave them a "six"
|After living going to a black and white school, Marvus, Anxio and Shabuty were happy to join the technicolor world
|Plato looked on and ordered more wine
|pee yew!
|gayrunteed to make you a successful hitchhiker, every time
|..and these 'uns hide the leg-wool too!
|They was easy pickin's they was
|Yes. They ARE naked under their clothes
|Yes. They do leave marks on the chairs.
|How did their marriage last this long and workout so well? He always made her feel pretty!
|Mr. and Mrs. Michelin before they started their stars program
|Bruce filed all of his recipes and purchases and girlfriends numbers and poems and homework and and and and and
|Memorizing the instructions for how-to-run the batcave, is a very time-consuming task.
|It says that you are gay.
|...all this and no finger was even pulled.
|Tummy, troubled...Hair, perfect
|Ben watched the horse bolt and braced for impact
|This is no way to inject a little color into his wardrobe.
|Here, we see a blonde having MORE "fun" that he expected to have
|The grade was steep but the ramp was made out of laundry!!!
|...camera at the ready.
|She just realized that she can sell uniform-acceptable sweat bands and realize a fortune therefrom
|Black lipstick AFTER Halloween is a fashion "don't" and the police aren't playing around this year!
|Officer Jones was not good at flirting
|One sign that the colony on Mars is growing into a successful place to live is that they are holding dance contests now
|Oddly, her pepper spray didn't work on him
|No body likes to spar with Flame
|I see the future. I see row upon row of coffee hats, bottles of green makeup and sparks from antenna every where
|Here we see inside Google's product-development team
|Here we see proof that Geraldo Rivera is a planted spy, descended from aliens
|In the days before recycling, men made a mess. Wait! What?
|We tried explaining to the aliens that men are very happy with just ink-on-paper but they just shook their gorms
|In the days before shredders, men let their ties swing free.
|Spikonia Noichey!
|Don't you realize that, as a species, we cannot cut our own hair???
|(I thought that Strom Thurman died)
|It's not nice to give people mushrooms instead of candy
|I'm going to give them treats because, I can guess what their tricks are and I don't feel like cleaning that up
|Pleeeeease, let your parents check your candy BEFORE you eat it!
|He didn't get much information out of anyone this way. Alcohol would have worked better.
|...sizzled blonde in 3,2,1...
|..."the usual" for the "Mile High Club's" alums
|...what bachelors and bachelorettes think really happens if you leave the dishes in the sink.
|...what I dream...
|...what housewives dream...
|It did not cure her hiccups or her crosseyedness
|After finagling himself into her Will, Mouturio worked on getting to the point more quickly
|After gay marriage, there will be animal marriage and marriage, STILL, won't be happy
|I use it to make omhlettes, the calmer breakfast food
|Look in here and just see dis broad, man oh man
|A guy with NSA on his coat collar gave to to me. I don't know what it does
|He knew he was going and, he knew that there would be no mirrors.
|...pondering...how many blondes DOES it take to screw in a light bulb?
|He is trying to figure why Saturn went to the vet
|Wait wait wait, YES! YES. It is true! A blonde had a THOUGHT!
|She wasn't really stalking him. The nightvision film was her, private, private, private indulgence.
|When a man REALLY loves himself, he shows himself a good time and takes himself on the best date ever!
|All this and no sunblock.
|No more bacon-as-cologne for Arry.
|He threw the dog-whistle right out of the frame
|Dora was not called a dog because of her looks
|Draco Malfoy would not leave his wand home on dates any more
|Bitten as a child, Arry had dog-ptsd
|Cosplay - the suburban, mild version
|...what Superhero Teachers do to parents during their off-hours
|Yellow River was at a loss for words but slapped the makeup right off of this creep's face
|No. This outfit is not an invitation for you to grab my tights. "No", means, "NO".
|Some dentists have nefarious ways of drumming up new business
|Jazz vs. Country - played out on the streets
|Puparoni had never met gang-cats before
|HHHH HHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH! ( Translation is ALL cat-cussy )
|Greine was, really, a fashion-prude. He forgot to notice that no one else minded
|Reddecks looked nothing like his profile pic but he did not lie about his bod - wheee whew!
|Green hadn't seen his brother in a long time but knew of the meds. It seemed that the doseage was off though.
|Dan remained dapper, even when damp
|Tinker, Tailor, Swimmer, Sailor AND, STILL, they ended up drinking seawater tsktsktsk
|One thing that the quadruplets shared was their genetic ability to float
|It's a rejection from Vogue
|It says that you're over-dressed
|It's a design for a metal detector
|Martuusi was a not very good at reading palms but he tried. He really, really tried
|You should wash after you wipe
|She uses Palmolive. You'll be soaking in it.
|Chubby, Cookie, Dippy, Doofy, Poofy, Slouchy and Bob...did I remember them all?
|If it's a good joke, then, somebody got hurt. Snarly didn't like taking his turn
|Breakdancing battles were new to the dwarves. Sulky didn't know how to take it to the floor
|Half a werewolf is better than none, so she thought
|Troi needed therapy for her holodeck choices but no body knew
|Bill-collectors were breeding employees instead of hiring them.
|Officer Jim was NOT good at flirting
|( don't flash him, girl. He's gay and will noooot like it)
|Daisy was a really smart dog but she forgot her bags that day at the observatory
|When Mother Nature lets her hair down, men notics
|The HELL of high fructose corn syrup was descending up them
|It was pretty rare for Mark to be rendered speechless
|Hank knew that Charles would not take money from Monsanto but Hank had debt, lots and lots of debt
|...in the closet but they burned for each other like a Bunsen
|CWD. Concocting while drunk AGAIN! Laboratory privileges SUSPENDED!
|So, can we act out "Brokeback Mountain" THIS time?
|I find that Desitin minimizes chafing and that my horse likes the smell
|Lollipop Guild Alumni Weekend required extra packing
|Cologne was not helping either of them
|His eyebrows said, "no" but she knew that the real answer was, "yesssss".
|Bird knew that he should keep his thoughts amongst himself
|Yes. He is single. Why do you ask?
|Writing law on an empty stomach yielded gnashing of teeth and raised eyebrows amongst bird
|She didn't know if she should charge more for robots or less
|Later, the robots would claim that she was "asking for it"
|Jezebel was surprised to find robots in Hell
|No. I do not charge less
|After retiring from his job at the Lollipop Guild, Marteen peddled "The Sheen".
|I'm not a real barber. I just play one in the movies
|She a really negative conversationalist. All she says is, "bah bah bah!"
|I hope that she washed her hooves before she reaches into that cookie plate!
|In THIS house, chewing cud at the table is allowed
|We have dried beans and "water recycling" ENOUGH FOR US ONLY
|The inner Koch-dials are up and running
|This politician brought more than food to the bunker
|Tony could not take Dqark's discussion of dental techniques seriously
|The smell was strong and it didn't smell like tea
|Tony wasn't sure if this alien was illegal or not but the conversation proceeded well anyway
|Open wider!
|The blonde tried to make sense of the squirrel's collection. It was a slow process
|She knew that, if he kept up that noise, the window glass would shatter.
|( her mother shoulda taught her not to walk closer )
|oouh oouhoouhoouh squwahck ( monkey -talk )
|She was NOT asking for it!!!
|Global Warming is getting, really, out of hand.
|tooooooo many jalapenos
|The sparks flew before the bullets but not after
|As the flood of sepia seeped in, she ignored the squawking, yet again.
|she savored watching Hodor come up behind him
|If she couldn't have a crown...
|Yes. She is single.
|Do not talk to her. She's a real fony.
|He tried to explain to her that black lipstick was not his favorite
|Ma'am, if youra gonna be-a draggin' tin cans, you needs to be-a married up first
|Ma'am, you lost your skier a ways back there
|She never forgot her days as a track star. Doggie was just jealous
|Fido did not realize that he would not get treats by this barky barkington barking method
|Just outside the line of vision is the sign that says, "deaf commuter jogs here".
|"Chaz, tell Dawnling that these are our left fists"
|The sexiest way to do Hokey Pokey,in dark, in forest,dressed up"you put your right fist in,you put your right fist out"
|She was tired of using fists as puppets but she wanted to know where he hid the baby
|It was an awkward fist bump but it sealed their love
|I, STILL, WON'T WEAR A CONDOM ( more, famous last words )
|I'm too good-looking to worry ( famous last words )
|It ain't the bible. So, i don't care
|Yes, "The Addams Family" has a wide audience - even now
|Molten below and earless elegance above, she is his hole-mate
|(Match.com is way better than eHarmony!)
|The SGB (Stealth Granny Brigade ) had more bravado than stealth
|Stinker, Railer, Scolder, Fly ( implied Fly )
|Clinker, Squaller, Soldier, Nana
|Ah! Yes. The streets ARE paved with gold!
|He could smell the fish and feel the barrel
|He paid extra for plane-flung pee and was happy to do so
|Yep. Brass don't tarnish.
|When she asked if he wanted a knuckle sandwich, the metal and the rock were implied
|Questing in the rain. Just questing in the rain. Ice and wind won't make me give up the path again (to be sung)
|They were sure that, if she sat on the seat, they would all catch "the periods" from her
|Thank you, Anita Hill!
|...the little known story of Gloria Steinem's mom
|She thought that, "brick" was a term of endearment
|"The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" is on TCM tonight and he is just too cheap to pay for tickets!!!!!
|Dyslexia was just one of his challenges
|You'll need to teach it to say the phrases but YOU will have to pick up the phone for it
|Mary, I want to show you why it is not o-Kay to test ingredients on animals ( I shoulda thoughta something funny tho)
|If you let it fly around, YOU clean up the poop
|Swinglow, sweet nesty nest, coming for to carry me flown! swwwing looow sweet nesty nest coming for to carry mee hoome
|It was a deadly tango
|AFLACK won't help you now!
|Marley didn't get mad until he saw that the tip was one, thin dime
|...what Marilyn Monroe saw her final night
|X-rated cosplay makes for sleepiness the next day
|( he didn't even know that he was getting married )
|A thumbs-down AND a Black Panther salute while singing, "Blue Moon"...inbreeding revealed itself daily
|"OOOH! the groom is "peepeeing!
|Illiteracy. The under-reported disability
|Bardy took EVERY opportunity to show off his armpits
|BWI - "brushing while intoxicated"
|"too much hair in the drain" was cause for bouncing
|Russia's local enforcement wing was strong on supposition
|If you don't pay your cut, out on your...keeeesterrrr
|"Still jealous, after alllll theeeese yearrrrsss"
|The hotel could have made a lot more money with better marketing.
|Where is the paranormal camera now???
|wut dis sy-ens stuff do anyway?
|who would want to shave there anyway?
|toof brush??? I don need no stinkin' toof brush!
|The Prince needed much more beauty sleep but, obviously, he wasn't getting it.
|" I don't want any more of your apples! Go talk to your mirror!"
|"You do too have bad breath! You do ! You do ! You do!!!"
|As a toothpaste-patriarch, he was used to this sort of come-on and he was not in the mood
|He figured that, if he just kept leaning back, she would keep leaning for ward
|"Young lady, no one wears a fedora with a white tie - harumph!"
|BatterBatterBatter SWING!!
|Della is a really good softball player too
|"Alas, poor Doric. I knew her well." (Columnar incoming unrealized)
|In the days before ruffies, a fella had to buy a gal a lot of drinks.
|Well,this was the first time that she had dated a guy in a yellow suit, that day.
|The smell got to her first
|Piewakit was drawing a blank - not for the first time
|"..and I have my fingers and I have my brefffist and I has my soooz and wer'd I put my lunch??"
|Counting nostrils was not his only skill. Piewakit was liked to count knuckles too
|Howard was struck speechless
|Most Starfleet Academies used time-travel for practice on the tractor beam due to the messes
|...and it's finger popping, 24 hour shopping in rapture...
|The Three Stooges dressed much nicer after retirement
|Charles Chinofhair always pretended to speak no English when the bill came
|Well, no. That was not on my shoe after I left the restroom and why did you pick it up????
|The closet was with them, always
|At that point, redundancy remained unquestioned as long as it showed up in a gray flannel suit
|Porn-at-work, circa 1948
|Serial Killer - Tree-Preference
|Paul's son, Pill, was MUCH weaker than his father
|Paul's feet were sliding in the new shoes. Yes. Yes, they were.
|The x-ray specs that he ordered were NOT working!!!!
|Rehd JUST realized that this was NOT a very private bath room
|Rehd spell the word "bisexual" with an "s", an "L", a "u" and a "t"
|Ary was not a very fun date. Barbara was getting really bored
|Before computer games, people had to play one-at-a-time
|The truth is that NSA has been going on a loooooooong time
|Realy, she enjoyed being a list of stats...like a car
|She never did worry about her lack of a GED
|In the days before viagra, "companions" could focus, much more, on fashion
|Well, we ain't got enough hair between to do the Rapunzel thing
|OOh, Guy musta got tired of cartoons for a while
|OH, Look. She's wearing hers tucked.. Don't she think she's cute now
|The World's Best Fortune Teller scared the Kochs to death
|Mom!! Gulliver's here
|I'm ok. How's it hangin' with you?
|Well, her dad is a stuffed shirt. So,...
|This is not the way to play patty cake!
|porn is really getting fringey these days
|She got the good knees.
|I'll play like youse da tuf guy iffn youse pass me da bottle over night
|I can't sketch either
|Chen explains how the river got it's name
|Military men don't cotton to nerd-speak
|"...but your left hand just went in front of you, in back of you...front & shook. Is that,really, what it's all about?"
|What he really wanted was a bigger number to brag about at the club
|His math could not help anyone find the red head
|Siamese or not, the twins could not help his with his math lessons no matter how loud he got
|Non-feminist flirting
|HOUSE of RUFFIES!!
|He never saw a bra work that hard
|How does it smell?
|I'll need white feathers to finish the look
|DADDADDAD, no more with these attempts at self-lobotomy
|When she wanted the lawn mowed, she could find her husband by scent alone
|Yes. You ARE happy that you can't see their shoes!
|Wine, women and song. FIE! We got whiskey, whiskers and whooping
|Stan and Harvey THOUGHT that they were in the closet but, they were not
|Yep, your butt IS wider than your shoulders
|talk-to-the-hand was preceded by, talk-to-the-bootommmm
|Self-Defence, Rockette's Style is 90% kicks
|Eve shops at the Knowledge of Fashion Tree and LOVES their prices!
|Eve Airlines threw all the snakes off of the plane and then, threw the barf bags at them
|...the charter members of the anti-snuggling league were often confused as to their lack of appeal
|Dreaming of a day when they could marry AND visit in the hospital...
|Fisting, the old way, was not safe
|There were good for their own crowd, but their techniques kept them from going national
|Mr. Bean wanted to marry her but did not realize that pelting her with beans, daily, was not achieving his goal
|Mrs. "Detention Queen" Parson's class showed up ..WITH spitballs
|Wearing metal indoors was frown upon but their frowners were tired
|Nimoy's older brother loved time-travel
|Mc Henry was a "bottom" and he liked it rough
|Punching below the belt, WAY below the belt, is allowed in this special Stairs version of MMA
|Trying to make the bandy-legged king dance well in his diapers was the toughest task of McHenry's life
|"Lady-Like" was not part of Sally's parenting techniques
|NO! You are NOT allowed to go in to that confessional!
|...the moment that Paula realized that her teeth were - somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
|She would not, tried not, must not...cry over spilt milk
|OH! NO! It's a cat, in a shark costume, riding on a Roomba, chasing a duckling around the kitchen!!!
|Rosie never got over being a riveter
|She, really, hated mosquitos. The guys were ready to help but she didn't care
|Her mother always told her to walk softly and carry a big bomb. This was the biggest one that she could carry
|Ming would show his toys but hated to share
|It's called, "Viagra". It will reduce funding for all other things
|When you squeeze it, it sings, "Three moustaches twice Three moustaches twice See how they're done see how they're done"
|"Kooch, I think that my steroids are wearing off."
|"Couch...I mean, Coach, I heard that 7, ate 2,3,4,5 and 6."
|We're protesting the helmet law.
|The Red Velvet car was the envy of the neighborhood
|It was far more fun than a porch swing --- at 18 cents a gallon
|She wanted to get married tho. Her hands were getting tired
|...the minute that the wife met the "friend"
|OH! NO! Cuties and him without his lucky topee
|...and he had just finished reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Redheaded League"
|Harold was a quiet drunk...of the scariest kind
|He wasn't looking at the hat
|I smell mustard. Do you smell mustard?
|In the days before makeovers...
|The Money Train is here! No pushing! No shoving!
|funny or handsome funny or handsome funny or handsome...each brought the "A" game!
|Stannie DeVito paved the way for his son's stellar career
|Jeeves and Wooster played their own version of "Clue" every Tuesday
|Dr. Ditzy did not realize that lab coats are not for house calls. Oh! The embarrassment!
|Make, me dance. Please, make me dance
|In the days before the sex-offender registry, jobs were easy to find and 'Milk' for fun
|Blonde on Blonde violence leaves no marks on the outside
|In the days before Bruce Lee made Karate popular, women were completely helpless
|Rather than audition, Tyler drew a picture of what he would look like auditioning
|Janelle, made up her mind, then and there, that profile pictures do NOT show you how the date will go
|Here, we see what is inside the brain of the average neighborhood watch person
|Without a calendar, George could not manage any sort of grid. He sighed often
|"What shall I count next?"
|...looking for love in all the wrong places...
|Bland refused to buy a cell phone
|The new park ranger was not hip to the allowances made for Yogi and Booboo
|Not to block but, the bartender was put in charge of enforcing the new, no-cigaring laws
|Teenica Lewinski liked cigars. Yes. Yes. She did.
|I represent the Cigar Guild, the Cigar Guild, the Cigar guild. I represent the Cigar Guild and I'd like to welcome you!
|"Sushi! It's called SUSHEEEE"
|"You shoulda checked with the dress code for this time-jump. "No phazers" was clearly listed in the brochure"
|"It's SHAMPOO!...lather, rinse, repeat!"
|Neither wanted to admit that they knew nothing of the shoes for cars
|Dude, your mosquito egg farm does not look delicious
|home made "rubbers"were their latest scheme
|He. Refused. To. Have. Bad. Breath.
|Yah yah, his taste buds died long ago, in the pasta wars
|DWI gets supervision, but, at home, washing while drunk does not
|(Is a "Dune" reference to "spice" and "blue eyes" too esoteric?)
|We won't wear our hearts on our sleeves. No. No. No.
|Even on other planets, the republicans and the democrats fight
|Don't you know that it's a jungle out there? THAT is why he is practicing his Tarzan-Yell
|Don't monkey with me! I'll go bananas!
|The monkey had tried to tell young Telly that there is a fine for yodeling
|No. You don't look like Tonto now!
|I told you. She fights dirty. She's my sister. I knew she'd do this to you.
|Yeah, well now you're not the "pretty one".
|The Beard Brigade, FINALLY, finished buttoning up
|Cold legs and a warm heart keep the mind clearer than does your silly UnderArmor!
|Well, tough! Powdered wigs haven't been invented yet!
|Grad-pranks gone wrong: when someone puts the tassel of you mortarboard on your mom for a moustache
|WHo let the guy with the beard in????
|Soon, he would flip the page over and write, " No shirt, No service. No shoes? No pants? No problem!
|Ratty Ratterson enjoys his first wall-mounted tissue dispenser
|Oh! Look! This one says Oct. also! WOOOW! I am a good homeschooler!
|Chuck was not a very nice dance partner but then, Harry didn't smell very good
|Don't call it a spear if it's really a pole! You can't fool me!
|Battle of the Bullies! Beauty vs Beady Eyes
|The city-slicker with the southern accent CAN be friends with the nerd in the afterlife
|What they did not know was that the new tenant is deaf
|Foxtrot LOVED the personals ads!
|Bill was dreaming again, dreaming that he was on a plane with plenty of leg-room and fresh air
|Bill laughed, knowing that Giselle would not be get dry hands from that wall-mounted aberration
|She was crying tears of blood. So, he threw the book out the window so that it would not bother her again
|Mascara?!?! I don't need no stinking mascara!!
|Yes. I WILL have more fun now!
|"I told you yesterday. I know that you are NOT the toll-booth guy!"
|Yep, harv was on the list
|Jonnie rinsed a diaper, Chucky disguised the camera as a ship, Chippy prepped for a cannon ball, Marky spat on the food
|When the moms are away, the dads forget to watch while the kids play
|Etta had a SERIOUS crush on the UPS man
|Faster than a speeding toddler! More powerful than soap! It's clomping! It's yelling! It's GRAMMA!
|The highheels, definitely, make her feel thinner and prettier and younger but they do nothing for her wage-per-hour
|...and his aim was why Marvin never played pro ball
|It, still, wasn't as loud as trucks on the cobblestone street
|Marvin's last day on the job was announced repeatedly
|Yep. The polyjuice potion as wearing off and his real jaw was returing
|...loss of short-term memory kept life fascinating
|Yes. It was leave-o-clock
|Ken made the decision that night to join the Tall-ones dating site
|Will you marry me AND not have sex with other women?
|Italian foreplay demonstration
|"...and then, I said...and then, she said, and then, I said, and then, she said..."
|The were not the most popular wedding band but they were the cheapest
|My head is hot
|"good. Let's go."
|"Aw, ok" " I still hate your handsomeness."
|"Ok. Let's go."
|"Good. I don't care either."
|"I don't care."
|"You know that I'll punch you back and that it will hurt."
|"Good. Then, I can punch you in the nose and it won't be fair and that will be good"
|"Life's not fair"
|"I hate your handsome ness"
|"Do not descend into first chakra humor"
|No. You may not blame your "wind" on me this time. YOu didn't even pay me for it last time like you said you would
|I ain't good eatin'!
|Don't waste the arrow! They are too hard to make!
|It was a rainbow worth seeing
|Mary is visiting from The Church of Chocolate but she isn't sharing the samples.
|Mary is barefoot, but not pregnant
|The other side of the cloth says, "if this ship's rockin', we're bailing. Call for help!"
|Well, she got off the front of the ship and was allowed to put a shirt on but they gave her menial tasks
|Sirens have updated their looks lately
|Some ladies preferred a more active version of the hoopskirt
|The better traps do not look like traps
|Josh FINALLY caught Hank with his doll
|I am really hungry...really really hungry
|The pharaoh of upper and lower Egypt had a an elaborate skin care regimine
|In any year, it is always assumed that blondes have more fun
|The search for further beauty is ageless
|He was going to tell his parents next week.
|No acid before basketball
|She couldn't break up with him any other way?
|The real consequences of unintended spilts
|They knew that putting one of the players from the other team thru the basket should not get a triple score
|They were too drunk to care wear the dancing girls pinned their medals
|Snow White was really a Prince but the dwarves were really dwarves. Some times, Snow forgot to remove the "HIHO" light
|"I know that it's blatant but they are really that willing.
|He, really, had never seen dark roots before
|How could it be wrong for her to park there? Since it was a "no parking " spot, no body was going to be using it.
|It was the day that she saw behind the white beard. Santa has a day job and is VERY serious about naughty/nice
|As usual, Chuck was the "underdog"
|Hi! C'mon!
|I'm putting in a bath
|Actually, both dads were the same age. Thank you, Grecian Formula!
|Marrying on Mount Olympus was prohibitively expensive!!!
|Time travel just made arranged marriages more complicated
|It was way too early but it was much better to celebrate menarche than to call it a "curse".
|It was AMAZING to learn that there are 12 months in the year!!!!!!
|Shelly knew that he, really, was the Most Interesting Boy in the World.
|Singing the calendar song EVERY day was not their favorite but it was the only time they had permission to pass notes
|The time travel trip to the classes rooms of the distant past were Emma and Ethan's favorite.
|When Marvin cut the funding for the employee gym, the love for exercise did NOT go away
|Marvin was unaware that the dress code for contractors was a practical matter
|Jeb dreamed of auditioning for Circe du Solei. Marvin was unimpressed DAILY
|More than anything, it was the overpowering after-shave
|Superman was shocked that the lawyer would use intimidation instead of information...the glasses were about to come off
|Many lawyers attended more acting classes that the Screen Actor's Guild allowed
|Marvin started judo classes the very next week
|Osteoporosis had not dented Maureen's right hook
|The Keating Five have not been forgotten. Vengence shall be visited upon the trophy wives!
|Nan was not a good mother
|Betty started life as a bad driver and her insurance rates reflected it for her whole life
|In the days before sex-offender registries...
|and none of them noticed that the lens cap was still on
|Charles knew that just getting down on one knee with a big diamond ring would have been a better idea
|John wanted to be sure that his son's grades improved
|Chaz found that belittling Jeeves was better than Paxil
|Chaz' atrophy was, exactly, equal to Jeeves hypertrophy
|butlering-by-intimidation was Jeeves job-security
|Inflation had driven prices way beyond a dime
|No means NO
|It was the halitosis that got to him first
|Her dowry was NOT blue chip stocks
|Betty began to see, exactly, what her husband would look like in a few more years
|Chet was hell on the cigarette girls
|( sung in the voice of the Swedish Cook on Sesame Street )
|Fred Flintstone's greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgrand son was unaware of the persistance of his DNA
|Aryans are not taught table manners.
|Aryan fury, nightclub style
|Jimmy just wanted two more chairs...that was all, that was all, for now...until he got the bill
|Table dancing was one thing. Blonde jokes were quite another
|Lance ALWAYS over-dramatized at dinner
|Oh! How they wished that there was a Facebook on which they could post a picture of this
|Some people cannot live through times of bad fashion
|Vee are having uf zee dress-code heer. You vill change zee clothes zat you're wearink
|You vill sing in zee hole. Vee vill sell dee songz and gif you vun percent of zee profits and you Vill like eet
|Ahab would NOT let go of his pursuit of the white asteroid
|We don't need no stinking badges!
|...just another example of a blonde having loads more fun than anyone else
|Gordon Ramsey's passion for food started waaaaay back
|New in the healthplans, Zoo-Care for Seniors
|Chatters and ChiChi had heard about Charla's facial surgery but still didn't want to groom with her
|Harvey should not forget his glasses so often
|What really happens at the conventions is germy
|Really, her resume was not impressive - yet
|Harvey had kissed too many raccoon backsides during hazing
|She NEVER forgot the small tippers
|Chester's dieting was brutal
|Chester could not find a clock that he liked
|Smedley had a cat-like way of offering mice to his over-lord
|Gordon Ramsey is footing dis heer bill, buddy
|Chef did NOT want to hear any more blonde jokes
|Fried cicadas are my favorite too!
|Larry hated his job as a teacher of bus drivers
|Before the hair club for men, there was the hat club for men
|Larry could NOT believe that Chuck would ACTUALLY wear a skimmer
|Charles, really, had envy - real envy
|Most men got their hair cut by Dhan for the bragging-rights
|...with some fava beans and a nice Chianti fttttfttttftttt
|Help comes from love
|It was the height of the ceiling that really wowed the new members
|Terry had a lot of different flirting techniques
|"It's spelled A-F-L-A-C-K"
|Ducky was the REAL Dictator
|It is too bad that the rich buy their ways through school
|Stand up comedy is not easy
|OOps! Laughing DOES lead to peeing
|Pa Larky was just not as good at fortune telling as he wished to be
|Yes, blondes have to pee too
|Aryan Game shows had too limited an audience for any success
|Bobby sported hashtags the old-fashioned way
|Mrs. Butta is a really really good cook
|I'm telling mom that you have your feet on the couch!!!
|Laborious Translations were Shakmeen's favorite ploy
|Jane's budget for servant suits was out of control.
|"...no discount, eh?"
|For many things, "out" is the correct direction
|Dora was the deb this year and it chafed Bob every minute of every day
|Dave went peepee in his pantses when ever he had to tell Texans that he could not use a gun
|Norquist's attempts at inking new minions does not reveal any talent on his part
|Before you run for office, you'll need to have the chip installed
|The Old South and the President as painted by the old southerners
|When Thomas reached for the high notes, Margeen reached for the door
|Margeen thought that she got her "brother" out the door in time but...
|Why are you wearing black lipstick????????
|Specimen:Vicious Interstitial
|theee howsss winzzz
|Finally! A screen -capture of the thing that lives in the ears of little brothers every where.
|Oil on Canvas: The Trap a.k.a. "...only one tooth left to collect."
|Jonny's mom learned a lot in prison
|She is old enough to know to not take candy from strangers
|I have a dream...a dream that some one will make a device with lighting inside that will scrape hairs from my face.
|Jerry like wearing lovely things but didn't like shaving any more than Mike did
|I'm sorry that we had to wait so many years to hold hands in public
|I used to be the most interesting man in the world
|She knew that she was born this way
|People who can't dance get very sad some times
|She was surrounded by men who could not think past their hair-loss
|Duck refused to love swimming even tho track-and-field was just not his event.
|Kitten ate his body weight in sandwiches every day
|Gramma was not swayed by the excellence of the touchdown-dance
|Gallant points out the flawed thinking. Goofus wishes for a bigger vocabulary. Gramma writes them both out of the will
|Goofus blames. Gallant plots.
|Synchronized dancing at sea was messed up by ADHD again
|Harry loved to pretend that he hated the paper
|Harry and Gerty did "play" without the "cos"
|Harry is fluent in canine
|There were different kinds of "shrink" in the days before GPS
|"1 PM Transportational Boxing Class - TODAY!"
|Even mannequins don't like meetings
|Sunscreen? We don't need no stinking sunscreen!
|Dale knew that the flat chest would not be a problem but the big jaw was rather more hard to hide
|Margo, still, could not remember which was the correct finger.
|Mr. Uminum realized that he is overdressed
|Bachelor #1 got the full brunt of his aftershave
|Protection - it's what the Emperor wants when he's done shopping for clothes
|James loved Pavarotti shamelessly
|James' passion for his work had him wishing for stretchier clothes quite often.
|In the days before the teleprompter, all talking-heads had to read lips
|Glee, the Science Version
|Geek Parties are WAY more fun than they first appear to be
|(trying to not make a flatulence joke...trying trying trying)
|"No snacks until after swimming class! Now, kick, kick, kick"
|All the other reindeer and friends called him "Turdle" because of his shameless boot-licking.
|Some day, we'll grow thumbs and cook our food too
|Aryan Speed Dating - costume party version
|Jersey Shore Does Shake duh Speeea
|dey heead deez eackscents down. yeah yeah yeah
|Nancy should not have padded her bra with cotton balls
|"To heck with men", they said. "We'll get our own pearls!"
|Nancy's idea of bonding with friends wasn't very endearing
|Jane never missed choir practice.
|As it happened, elocution was undecipherable.
|OOOH! That's right. We aren't good at photo shop yet!
|(he kept wanting her to check it & look at it and touch it but I couldn't find a way to make a clean trigger from that)
|(i'm reminded of a story told by a nurse who said that she had a patient who kept telling her that his penis hurt)
|Diagnosis: hairball Recommendation: do not lick cat, dog or llama et al
|doctahs, heer ve see wun woo eez suffring wit zee singing...zee bad singing. Vat eez not nown ezz dat vee suffa morrrr
|PEEEEEE i have to PEEEEE
|AH, yes. We enjoyed non-regulation of nails on edges, rich and poor guys on edges and hammers held casually
|how the bird flu really spreads
|%^&* I hope it doesn't land here.
|Dance 10 Looks 3
|Kermit had a brother & he did meth mm hmm. Kermit had a brother & he did meth mm hmm. This is him before his death mm hm
|whoops!...forgot panties AND genitalia!
|Girls aren't allowed to drive tanks. It messes up their nail polish
|What's an ied?
|Don't make me pull this tank over!
|Don't tickle me while I'm shooting!
|You're not the boss of me!
|Please, be quiet while I parallel park, woman.
|whew, three flavors of bad breath, at once, can make a gal lose track of counting cards
|Once upon a time, Las Vegas was nought but a twinkle in gangster's eye
|The green room at the London Underground Comedy Club was a salad of seedyness
|Well, it distracted the officer from his plates AGAIN!
|Mark realized that the officer had no gaydar
|he didn't see me kissing her he didn't see me kissing her he didn't see me kissing her
|Home Heating Costs Skyrocket Spawning Drastic Measures
|Goth make-up gone wild
|Quentin had heard that he'd need to look slimmer for this interview
|It's called "bacon-snack boarding"
|Her first encounter with a barbie doll was heavily guarded
|Really, Muslim women would not let these fellers stand this close. Who did the blocking for this movie anyway? tsk
|Dancing wasn't allowed at the bank either
|Great,Great grandpa Welk
|He didn't know it but, Marvin's singing would, no longer, be tolerated by the bank.
|Officer, is this the one who attacked you?
|This is a woman. Now do you understand?
|The cooking is great but don't use the pepper
|MARCUS SAMUELSSON, the early days
|Mr. Blooinstein loved teaching new generations how to eat crow
|I think that I'll just leave you two alone
|She's fine. It's just makeup. (sotto voca ) she's acting out
|It's Tigerosis. You carry it on your hairs. She'll be fine but she'll need a lot of makeup
|...singing? Yes...dancing...not so much
|Jack was dumb enough to 1. say it and 2. to not see the slap coming
|( her swear words are written in white in the bubble above )
|chop, elbow, hammerfist, rearkick, run
|In the days before viagra, men needed help making a tent. Here, a DIY-Show's crew makes a film to show the technique.
|Dr. "Peeking" Johnson was about to demonstrate how he got his nickname
|Jane, horrified, just realized that she did not get to white-balance these shots.
|Devon's mom could tell no one that her children got caught up with the hookers
|"Troops! Be sure to avoid the low hanging branches!"
|We aren't whores! We're hookers!
|Some aliens come here for the fishing. Some humans make it WAY too easy
|No. He's never been married before
|Royals, really, shouldn't inbreed
|Even though Chef Ron Ben-Israel did his best, the king prefered funnel cakes
|...what it looks like to wish for Google Glasses with a translator ap.
|and cover.
|Well, it's a slutty, infidel duck. So,...
|Boy Band members don't always age well
|Punk Mormons
|The talk-a-razzi pursued Liz relentlessly.
|Yep, envy. That's what it's called
|It wasn't the nipping that really bothered him. Ted was jealous of the billing and cooing
|Ted forgot that the guano brought a good price
|John couldn't scream as the small shadow starting working her mouth as if she were a puppet. "GOT", she said, "GOT".
|Here you are, peeing again!! You're full of peeee!
|Sherman was not good at flirting
|Low vocabulary leads to body language AGAIN
|Dancing would not save Sherman this time, but, he didn't realize it yet
|Quick! Get a pen and draw a muzzle on it!
|Style #2: More toward horror
|My momma was right. There's blues in the night - and they BITE!
|Married in white, you chose right...in blue, he'll be true...in orange, he's a door hinge
|Cassandra's flirting boarded on the professional
|Silent Rave, party of one.
|Sometimes, the hot flashes start young
|Snoring, sleepwalking, sleepcussing...Dora was never boring
|Estelle was not good at flirting.
|Time-travel, still, has a lot of glitches
|"A ramp! I can stand on it and shout!...what's that noise?"
|The Macedonia Phalanx re-enactors had booked the field but that memo didn't get out the the WW2 re-enactors in time -tsk
|Too much in-breeding leads to too much of many other things too
|Ah, the years before ritalin. I remember then well
|Here, we get a rare glimpse of the albino cellar-dwellers and their odd, rope prayer-song.
|He knew that she was more beige-an than Asian, but, Jake liked flowered dresses
|Trying to remember the lyrics, Jake sang to himself, "...hornyhornyhorny. I'm..."...such a sweet little ditty it was.
|He: "Sprechen Ze dough, lady?" She: "(my fake epicanthic folds hurt.)"
|It was the low quality of the experiments that led to the "madness"
|You know that it needs a mouth-piece don't you?
|Jeannie likes more curtains than that
|DAD! You said that you put Jeanie back on the beach!
|DAD!! You said that you stopped smoking!
|Family? Yep!
|He was going to kiss her in spite of the PDA rules but he swallowed his gum, got too nervous and ran
|off on his rounds, AGAIN
|He may be early but it don't look like he caught a worm
|Well, Gawwww-leeee!
|Ink him with a reminder to exercise his chicken legs!
|I, already, have one there!!!
|a liver full of ink won't help you think
|Just then, Joe wondered how they would pay
|All ghosts love pockets. It makes the sheets so much more functional
|yawning is one of the worst breaches of ghost manners
|She wasn't a good cook either - no good at measuring
|Maureen was not good at flirting.
|Weaponized Aftershave Testing
|The king was glad to be rid of the tantrums
|IMPRESSIVE dowry, young lady. Now, shut up.
|(tsk, he forgot his gravity boots AGAIN!)
|Wait! Morg! That isn't what you think that it is! It won't feel better if you do that!
|Some times he needed more than a designated driver.
|On this episode of "Chopped", the clothes are from the basket too.
|"cuz i'm as free as a bird now, and my underwear I don't need to chay ay ay ay ay ay ay aynge!"
|Wickaway fabric - the early days
|even in other cultures, being the butt of the joke isn't fun
|flaming flatu follies
|...neural singing techniques
|...and the sexual harassment lawsuit goes to, Fingers McTouchyson
|and the Nobel prize for finding that germy germ goes to, Whitey McManicurestein!
|certain palpations hurt more upon release
|Tagger's swagger was really a lagger
|Jones didn't understand that he had to do the exercises himself and he didn't know ANY good exercises
|lump-sum salaries are awkward
|PSA: Don't follow closely behind this hairdo during a sneeze
|Hot Flashes are hell
|(she's way meaner in the ring)
|Babs was pedaling as fast as she could, really she was!
|Oh, the days before handy cameras were scary days
|Yep, him want head ( i apologize for this tirgger!!!!)
|Mary's kissing was more like chewing.
|Dentistry - the early days ( with an extra dose of groping )
|WAIT, Sir! drinking Gelfling blood isn't worth it!
|CPR - the early days
|OW. My chastity belt hurts
|Daddy, I don't want to kiss you any more
|Charles, quickly, recalculated the tip.
|Charles was happy that the sneeze wasn't aimed at his face just about now
|at least it wasn't a sinkhole
|Chef Godzilla was a tough-love kinda boss
|Note to self: wear exercise clothes for jogging
|and so ended the porn career of Sweaty McBlushinstien
|The saltpetre wasn't working
|Swing low, sweet hairy butt coming for play time again! Swiiing looooow...
|Tommy was in love and ready to move to Maryland woot woot!
|Gramps shared everything...he was just that kinda guy
|Ladies and Gentleman, heer, for your entahtainmint, is a depiction of the acquisition of a replacement smokah!
|ACME Acting School's Dragnet Day wasn't fun-in-the-sun.
|Sears-executives made-do with serious-faced male-models to bump-up suit-sales but hyphenated-references got in the way
|DOOO wap a runrun
|Some marriages thrive with a LOT of spice
|how the tech-haters will die
|Not looking doesn't make it go away
|Every bum needs a fresh audience for his ooooooooold stories
|Drunk Uncles are great fun until you get tired of the smell
|long as you don't mind being dirty, hungry, cold/hot, not sleeping much ever and having your teeth hurt...it's all gravy
|Addiction to chocolate can be very over-powering
|Dick Cheney, as a young man, getting his orders
|"If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kisssss"
|Universally despised for not showering, Johnson just put on a new shirt every day
|he couldn't find his rolly chair either
|How DARE they say that peach pants look like hell with a black and yellow tie!! HOW DARE THEY!!???
|Dateline: 2-20-20, 1920 that is. "Divot" took on a whole new meaning today
|With the specter of BP looking on, Daddy Warbucks wanted to befoul, YET ANOTHER, pristine plot
|Whooo blowssss the golf balls away???? Only the Shadow Knows!
|Hazing, at the CEO level, was more silly than brutal
|...not enough purell in the world for any hand shakes out side of the core group
|and, STILL, the gravity! and, STILL
|She loved the casting couch
|In spite of the easy effort, the actor could not bring himself to grow his own little, tiny, wee beard
|"It's too bad that his granddaughter will a spoiled drip", she thought
|The Commish decided to move his chair against the wall from here on out
|"kin I drawr on deez?"
|"Relax, sir. It's just the printer paper that you wanted."
|His attempts at seduction were not always what the lady had in mind.
|Harry quit complaining about his lower pay-rate after a few times across.
|My mom would insist on an effin' napkin, tucked in HERE TOO DAMMIT!(Excerpt from: Dawn's Mom Is Annoying, Not Helpful)
|Dancing classes re-sparked many a marriage if one could tolerate the aftershave
|...a rare glimpse into a private, dentists-only, laughing-gas party
|Violence, without guns, stresses the insurance company anyway
|Being in-the-closet made them, both, testy
|Charles did not know how to play, "Duck Duck Goose"
|Someone forgot his meds!
|The dreams of crocodiles who watch waaaay too much of "Shark Week".
|Primitive attempts to fight global climate warming were not effective
|Post Traumatic Croc Disorder
|Max sold far more sizzle than steak.
|Harv and Marv were one of the slickest con-teams anywhere.
|His butler was fluent but knew that the Lord was unaware of the term "snot-locker".
|Altho their parties are small, the booze is excellent
|only one shade of gray...boring!
|Like all men, he just wanted to know what she looks like naked
|Finally, The Colossus of Rhodes gets a date for Valentine's Day
|...where sausage comes from ("PLAGIARISM!", YOU SAY? MEY DEEEEEAH SUH, I BEG TO AGREE!)
|Charles and Doris liked fresh meat for dinner but their acquisition methods were VERY questionable
|Martin didn't know the color of her eyes either
|Charles did not know the color of his wife's eyes
|Doris thrived on hell
|Mark is dyslexic. Donate now.
|Gary was sweating, Mark was comfy.
|Mark was about to get a mark
|Mark preferred dancing and spontenatity
|Mark was the only one who didn't know that he was out
|Cheating on tests went to a whole new level
|THAT wasn't what I was asking for!
|Hey, this isn't john The Baptist and this isn't a platter!!
|The real Price of Illiteracy
|...and the stock price for Viagra Gloves dropped.
|It only bothered them at first. Then, they got big coats to hide them and started picking fights on purpose.
|Anita Hill, where are you now?
|...just before she fainted from barfation
|It looks a LOT better with the cigarette ash!
|Where did you get that divine earring?
|Aw! It's a lot smaller than I thought
|But what about our plans for Valentine's day?
|Hey, you don't look like your profile picture at all!
|Wait! I'm from the Bureau of ATF (and Explosives) and I'm here to help
|Marv would just have to wait until he was spoken to. He , simply, wasn't dressed well enough to cough on Hassan
|Hassan was alpha tonight...pinky ring, dinner jacket and bow tie...unmatching head gear and his mummy's best fag-holder
|It might make his lips stink but he sure didn't want that smell on his fingers!
|The towel kept the smell out of his hair but not out of his mustache
|..and now,it was headed for his other eye
|and, STILL, it wasn't turning into a motor cycle
|Some times, it's feels like a dream. Some times, it's not
|It didn't work. The deliveries were NOT getting done any earlier
|Marty was jealous of Ralph's teeth. Ralph was jealous of Marty's shoes.
|Ralph moved toward the light, growling as he went. He did not find the Jezus that he was expecting
|Scientology has it's skeptics. Yes. Yes. It does.
|It didn't look delicious
|...and then, no one knows that it's a rainbow.
|May I, please, have water skis too
|If there are any extra mermaids, I'll bring you one
|I found Jimmy Hoffa
|I found Amelia Earhart
|I found the Lindbergh Baby
|Please keep your cigar away from my airhose, PLEASE
|I couldn't hear you. What was it that you wanted me to get?
|NO. I didn't see it.
|No more laughing gas, please
|You didn't tell me that this is a formal occasion!
|I have to pee
|Did I miss the game?
|If you aren't watching the Puppy Bowl, you're living a deprived life
|Why are you standing there? Puppy Bowl IX is on the Animal Channel in just a few minutes
|Double-check your names before you shove Carl into the middle of all that dusty West!
|"This isn't the "Old West"". "Yes." "Yes. It is."
|Carla was the most radically dressed woman in the entire West.
|Carl wore all of his stains with pride. Each told a story
|Carl just didn't want them to bust the place up like last time
|(Be sure to speak in parentheses)
|"OOOOOOM" (...not, "OHM"..."oooom")
|(she doesn't know that I been dating Guy & throwing tantrums if he don't favor my movie 1x a week.)
|It wouldn't have been so bad but she was singing, "Joshua fit the battle of Jerico"
|Then, the school put in rubber detectors
|Mrs. White preferred to teach in releve
|...The last member of the Rockettes SuperHero Alphabet Team
|Some people are desperate to be interviewed. Chaz was amongst them and forgot to cover his face AGAIN
|The decision was unanimous. It did not smell delicious.
|Reg had a psychic bum. He could feel Miss Betty coming into the room and it disturbed him
|Starting his criminal career by burning off his fingerprints, the grandson of Ronald Weezly was the shame of the family
|(Don't ask what he used for frosting!)
|Hey! Crocs can't cook! what's he tryin' a pull here ?
|Omnivores only~
|"Peace be with you." "...and, also, with you."
|Political Debate (formal dress version)
|America is more of a "salad" than a "melting pot"
|Did you say that humans are ONLY native to Africa?
|...fake-Epicanthic WHAT?
|...and Toto too?
|See woman. See men. See woman show example of gun control. See men sweat.
|Clarisse liked choices...lots of choices.
|Clarisse liked it sweaty, really sweaty.
|...really, Daddio got testy, often, when looking at Junior's full head of hair
|AH! Here, we witness the pleasures of tentless relaxation
|Blondes Prefer Gentlemen
|Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
|Proper ladies, often, forget to sunscreen their elbows
|Testosterone knows no bounderies
|It's ok, as long as you don't marry him.
|Ok, son. You're finally old enough to have the family jewels
|Marvin, with the VERY dark hair, never wondered why his son was so very blonde.
|Geez! Tell him to take that firecracker out of his mouth
|Once we solve this, we can solve everything else
|Yur average Metrosexual Man ain't handy with them there tools
|Ikea bicycle division
|Yep. One for each nostril.
|Ready? Aim! Spit!
|Half a Peace Sign is better than none
|Anne realized that kissing singers was much more heart-breaking than kissing bosses.
|In the past, all women were the same height and cup-size.
|(sotto voce)"she's my sister"
|This way to the casting couch and wipe off that lipstick
|Anorexia was Paul's favorite style
|Sashay Sashay, booyay, this way. Big fella, hair yella Mui bella but he smella
|"Men, it takes many old navys to make our New Navy!"
|"This Old Navy, it plays rough, it plays it plays rough & tough, with a nicknack paddywhack.HEY Don't call me a PADDY
|Cap'n carried his own breeze, much to the discomfort of the Inuit recruit
|Funny, it doesn't look like a school-age child to me
|Assassination school starts with amoeba and works up to vertabrates
|Turn on the oven
|That microphone reminds me that I forgot to buy condoms
|Yah know, because I out rank you, I get to kiss your wife first and stuff.
|yah know, there's no one here but men...men men men men men men men men
|Actually, petting the head is forbidden.
|Yes. Chaz did have faked decorator credentials.
|Some thing wasn't quite right. Chaz goes thru his check list again
|Telling ghost stories, WHILE cooking, ruined many a meal
|Both, the wiener and the stick, made Red remember the old days.
|No one enjoyed Red because, just looking at her reminded them to exercise more.
|Song didn't telegraph well.
|ribbed what?
|an I-what?
|"Have you accepted football into your life?"
|The worst part was that 0-06's admiration was complete...completely showing
|0-06 needed to stop trying to date out of his league
|Smeggy needs to change his profile picture on Chemistry.com
|Smeggers could not think of a smooth way to ask The Waiter for some decent hair-mousse, but he knew that he knew.
|Smeggins thought that The Waiter said, "Whine"
|Will this fit?
|In private, Gandalf wore black robes and an array of rings that raised quite a few questions.
|Dumbledor is informed that he is really Gandalf
|The king was even turned down by the mail-order brides
|Yep. It's just as bright as those head lights and, yep, I won't be able to see for the rest of the afternoon
|People get very creative when they have no health care.
|You can't fool me. You are NOT a dentist!
|Some politicians and Bankers ran into a bar. One of them says, "Squeeeek!". The other one says, "We pronounce it"Pork""
|Like a plague upon the land, came da Bowery Boy's drunk uncles
|Ladies! Your husbands are here
|Yah, deez guyz dint sing like no Sinatra
|Who let the rats out squeek squeek
|Being denied lipstick themselves, Jane and Mary enjoyed putting makeup on the furniture.
|Jane and Mary folded their boyfriends and put them away neatly between dates.
|Yah, but what if she smells it?
|Studying in the sun, with their thinking caps on, led to gray face-tans
|When Caucasian Cows marry Grayfrican-American cows, the colors do not blend. They imitate two-color cats. COPY COWS
|It's nice to see that these cows all took a trip to the 1970's for their learning-pants
|Yah, Cows legs look way better with a bit of a high heel
|OH! Now COWS want smart phones TOO??!??!!?
|You'd think that, at sea, with all that water, the cleaning wouldn't terrify grown men.
|Yep, the captain has to put that away once the admiral shows up.
|Phillip's questions had been answered now.
|"Yes, even more than styrofoam."
|"However, oil is not bio-detritus. It is a juvenile material, spewn up from the Earth's mantel"
|"...except that they have to re-clean it every day, honey."
|high ken sang tha hooool hoppy now yeer song fer yew on thees horn
|will yew hole dis well eye pee in ur bucket pleeez?
|ha-hic-ppy snew yeer
|Arryn was not happy with his Tango teacher's techniques
|Today, Mr. Aryan learned that horizontal stripes do not make people look fat.
|Slam, Bam but no "thank you"...
|HEY! Gayness is not just for white dinos.
|CLOSET? We don't need no stinking closet!
|Whew! That was a BIG closet!
|( Spellcheck says that "gayness" is a real word! )
|Sing a song of happy gayness, Bronty!!
|This is how the brontosaurus became vegetarian.
|( i want to make a joke about "tent-making" but am trying to stay above an "R" rating)
|Gay-repression leads to odd ways of acting-out
|Shyte! Someone's coming!
|Hercules' stunted cousin thought that, if he asked nicely, he might get help cleaning the stables.
|Redding was determined to complete the task and get his next badge.
|It was love at first sight but, it was not a healthy love.
|(What the Native Americans wish that they could do to the Europeans )
|What Tyler, really, wanted for Christmas was to live in "The Matrix" forever.
|"Sexy", was not a priority for Tyler
|...must not eat right & exercise...must not eat right & exercise...must not sleep either...must not eat right & exercise
|You, still, have bad breath.
|It won't make you taller, richer, better educated, better-looking, nicer, give you better manners or make your mom cool.
|You Cannot Take It To School.
|The requirements for foster-parenting were pretty lax
|Mrs. Gray was sure that Santa did not understand the meaning of "gluten free"
|..and Spanx buckles another belt successfully!
|SO, now, Bobby had to look at Santa's real beard, AND believe in Martians
|Mr. Green-knees and Mrs. Gray-bosom had just told their children that there is no such thing as Santa
|(...grunt grunt...cannot top Blue Horizon's joke!)
|It may be a man's world but the men CANNOT handle it.
|"Yes, sir. I promise to leave my brains at home every day and just marvel at every thing you say.
|...ancient Chinese secret, send the ladies in to make the deals
|Women's self-defense class...deliver whiplash from the front - technique #1
|Time Travel Clue Club: Find the iPad and take one home for you!
|Madge was aggressively jealous of the hats of others.
|weeweeing, we saw the wee problem with that way of playing wii
|Soon, the boys would learn to shave the upper parts of their faces
|Snuggies-gone-wild broke another window
|Early gay-bars had no walls.
|"...an' then I said, leave me nutcracker out of it, mate! hawhawhawhaw!"
|Vegetarians did not find happiness when fed battered barbaque beef
|Bandana Betty's BBQ's staff were ALL surly
|Better Business Brian had to explain to visiting dignitaries that chest-staring is not for non-pole restaurants
|The captain wants you to stop all the rocking and rolling
|...a three hour tour...a three hour tour.
|Bligh says to put on your raingear. Complainers will be flogged
|...but it's legal now!
|Paul thought, "Well, this is better than the stocks."
|No. Do it like this.
|Harvey forgot lots of things, including why he was never made a pilot and who Maureen married.
|"No, you can't have it delivered "...up in the big blue.".
|Maureen didn't realize that she shouldn't use a mirrored tray.
|Maureen never understood the drooling.
|He couldn't make any sense. So, he thought that sign language might help.
|Money laundering was easier when you could take it out back and rub it on a rock.
|Preps for time-travel forgot the appearance of wear-and-tear. Jim would be going back all clean and shiney.
|What's this stain?
|Sir, you smell of...something that is...distracting...the other patrons.
|Sir, your table is ready...I SAID, "YOUR TABLE IS READY"...YOURRR TAAABLE IZ READDDDDY!!
|Sir, we don't use that word any more.
|Some men are real fools for long blonde hair
|Joe, really, had to stop being vain about his need for glasses.
|...still has teeth for 5,4,3,2,1...
|Police brutality isn't new. We just have more cameras now.
|Office Summers was so jealous of "college-boys" that he could not maintain composure
|OOH! I AM gonna taze you, bro!
|Ah, yes. An old dog can dream. Yes. Yes. He can.
|What he refused to realize is that he'd get more love if he clipped his toenails.
|Volfgang Amadeaus DogBark counts on the love of his bitches
|OOOH! You think that yer gonna kiss me do yah?
|OH! Yooo think that everone neeeds teeth!
|OOOH! yer one of them folks who think that ah'm agonna put me whole body in water (pbbbbt!)
|Pinquillden did NOT want to hear that leg warmers had gone out of style.
|Only a peer could be a wiper. The appointment is an honor...really, really.
|(...just before gay-marriage was made legal.)
|Yes. Yes, they, really, did put him in his car to drive home.
|What they, really, knew is that they have to wait until it passed through.
|THIS! This is what happens without a ramp!
|(you can't tell from the picture but, all of the suit pants have built-in, padded "saddles")
|...the REAL solution to the health-care-crisis
|Everything was fine until it was turned over to a committee.
|Old Dawnlings can be so confused when trying to tweet their thanks that, sometimes, tables break
|Jimmy thought that he'd stand up to his dad but, now, he'll just have to pay for the table out of his poker winnings.
|As it turned out, hiring small cops didn't make the job safer.
|The pedo-gangsters liked to pay for gogo boys to do private table-dances but, some of the boys were rowdy dancers.
|...turns out, it wasn't a "cliff" at all. It was just a weak floor-board that could have been replaced
|The Samoans made the teachers nervous.
|Just shave his face daily, don't let him talk and get him on the football field by 3:15
|He said that his name is, "Rubeus Hagrid"
|Gretel GASPED when Marlene told her that she is on the naughty list this year.
|"...and then, I said, "NO WAY", and then, she said, "OH MY GAWD", and then, I said, "I'm going to Tweet Taylor!".
|What Martin really needed was exercise
|Martin is an avid stargazer
|Gangnam Style, alone, at night, with flashlight
|Now, I'll see if I can suspend my disbelief.
|...see? The cliff is no problem at all!
|Well, this will have to last until bungee cords are invented.
|She thought that "Gwuy Low" was a compliment.
|Karaoke, with guest blondes, really, helped morale
|This was a spy who could not hide
|Arnie could, also, see the dog but could only hold one thought in his mind at a time.
|Harold could see the dog licking up Sam's dinner but said nothing.
|Who ever lost the arm-wrestling had to hold the ash tray. Harold made a mental note to join a gym soon.
|Mark never learned to not celebrate too early, just as I never learned to not use many negatives.
|Formal, competitive Monoploy eschewed exuberance
|His constant worship of Nixon was the real reason that Mark was not invited to Sunday Morning Monopoly again
|Hollywood offers better gigs
|Well, it's either three different fathers or immaculate conception...three times.
|Dexter's blood-spatter school has too few guidelines.
|Clark and Lois, thinking of their paychecks, help the boss-man with the big words, yet again.
|Chief tried to make "brains" look "sexy" every danged day
|The boss forced all the employees to explain why his son's spelling mistakes were not a problem.
|He may have the legs of a weak and fragile dork but he is, indeed, my guard. You shall not replace him.
|Mum, may I lift the royal skirt?
|ug. one knee? stingy.
|Learning to scratch the inner, front of the brain was not their favorite lesson
|...drum sticks and cabbage, yuck
|...and, still, there was no feeding time.
|Nope. The kids did not like the finger. no. no. no.
|The Garza Family preferred to pray while they ate.
|Pretending that they were someplace else, Jose and Maria enjoyed one peaceful bite before the spoon-flicking began.
|Maybe this would be the last time that Carlita tried to milk the glass.
|He weren't much of a lover when on the hover
|He could do it for himself and his cigar but, for cleaning...no help at all. sigh.
|Auntie Gravity's husband - Hover-Harold
|Not being allowed to vote was LOTS of fun!
|Golden slippers were no protection at all.
|Elizabetta didn't play piano very well. Eduard did not care.
|Elizabetta was, constantly, forgetting to keep her knees together.
|Soon, Lil Debbie and Lil Taylor and Lil Tyler would learn to sing in code
|Tess found this to be much cheaper than baby-sitters and that ALL the homework got done!
|Lil Debbie was learning the definition of "threat" very very clearly
|Jeez, anorexia makes me hot, baby
|Biff played the same sort of jerk in every movie.
|Hile, baby, hile.
|Wadda yah mean he only pays $14 %??????
|There are muscles in my "core"? No way! There's food and organs in my "core"!...and it ain't no secret!
|"Are you sayin' dat you can make me look pritty??"
|Thick-Neck McGee didn't know nuttin' bout no engines but dat didn't make no sense to him
|Keep rubbing! I can still see the 47%!
|THAT isn't one of my bullets
|Peddie-the-Clown was NOT supposed to talk!
|You can earn yours too...probably, in high-school, judging from your dad's rifle rack
|I made it with lipstick. I helps with schmaltzly over-acting. Do you know what "schmaltzy" means?
|Pink Floyd ruled by the power of allergies. Any scent was his to kill. Any food, his to trash.
|Your whiskey is MY whiskey if I happen to be walking by
|...and I can have any general's wife that I want.
|I'm happy that I am not a President and can just kill every one who disagrees with me!
|We both know what needs to be done with the English wine.
|"Peers" had the privilege of serving at the King's Privy Chamber. They did try to smile. Yes. Yes. They did.
|OH! Yes! Invite HIM! I LOVE HIM!
|Somea guyza likea da cleavage
|HEY! Mr.and Mrs. Sprat!!!! The tide is coming in!!
|"Ain't it grand? You have to take a piece of chalk in your hand & start a huggin' & chalkin' so you know where you began
|Timmons, now, knew that he really was in love.
|(flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap )
|"Oh! NO! Now, I, ALSO, have to peeeeee!
|As soon as the "I saw boobies" scandal hit, the lock on the back door of the strip club would be fixed.
|Susie was worried but, it seemed that no one had noticed
|Glee fans...all happy and wonderful, confuse Anita
|Her feet are too big.
|Yes, but she slows down to 30 to enter freeway traffic that is going 55.
|I want to see her teeth before I marry her.
|"You DEFINITELY had an affair and were not raped because, if you got raped, you would not be pregnant."
|It was not a romantic marriage but Lyzella was always hopeful
|(Dr. Dork speaking) SPREAD YOUR LEGS ( no, "please", no smile, no dinner )
|Lyzella liked to get dressed up for every probing.
|The Winners of The Plastic Medal for Recycling are...The Greesons!
|Jeff was prejudiced against black bags.
|(nursing - whispering)"you're supposed to separate out the compostables!"
|Geraldo Rivera has stubborn genes...generation after generation.
|V-O7, two levels better than V-O5
|AHHHH'm SO in LOVE with YOU...
|I agree with Marigold re: Guy outside window
|I ask you, would YOU trust a doctor with a dowager's hump?
|Doctors should NOT be cooking Meth for extra income.
|Yes, it was the most expensive version of "alarm call" available but Nartessa was not late for work any more.
|...all this "doctoring" and they were, both, still short.
|The Doc didn't realize that it was "over" until this very minute.
|Nephew Caligari got VERY excited about the seating arrangements for Thanksgiving Dinner.
|Even threats couldn't stop this nephew from singing
|Geeks don't grow up and punch their fathers. They grow up and medicate them.
|Howard knew that his dad couldn't even spell that word.
|"I can still make ice. Therefore, there is no such thing as "global warming"."
|"...too many dudes on the dance floor!"
|"Hey! These aren't fish!"
|If you have to be in a movie, vote early.
|"If you are caught, eat it."
|"Simpson, your art is better suited for proper ladies than propaganda. Dismissed."
|(Old Navy's top-secret, new fashions had to be hand-delivered)
|OK. I'm single now.
|I thought that piercing went out of style.
|No. You pull it out.
|"Slick-Paw" McGee never lost his touch with a wallet.
|Brad didn't like older men but that really felt good.
|Brad, suddenly, realized that this was not a voting machine
|Sandee never caught on that the boys put a kibosh on her fee EVERY time
|The apple does not fall far from the cocktail waitress.
|The builders of the Leaning Tower of Pisa just kept getting reincarnated
|Kitty was REALLY tired of the barking
|Sparky had been wondering where the "cookies" in the "sand" came from.
|We all know that the dog WILL kiss it.
|(this is what is inside my mind when driving. all other car's drivers are the dog)
|WHO owns those voting machines????
|...right before she slapped him
|The Country Club Set was HORRIFIED at being called "Job Creators". They knew themselves to be "scentless poo creators".
|...a failed experiment - seeking the source of smell.
|Rather than touch his toes for fitness, Kyle thought he'd better take a closer look first.
|In his early days of fetishing, Kyle tested himself for footfancying.
|It's "FOO FIGHTERS"! Not "FOOT PHOTOS"!
|( i gotta say, {not mine} but these others are some of the best yet! AWESOME, you guys, AWESOME! )
|His real weapon was his red-headed temper.
|The top-hat-as-helmet technique would, soon, go by the wayside.
|The Bicycle Soldiers could scale a ten foot wall in two minutes. (The bikes get handed up in the next minute)
|Mickey Rooney's dad served in WWI on the British side as a carpet bagger
|Winston Churchill was never thin. This helped his brain. He would need it.
|Glad that he married her off, Hysteria's father had learned to nap standing
|Hysteria, Queen of Suburbia, rules by tantrum
|I told her to leave her cleavage at home!
|You know, if you inflate your tires, you'll have a much better ride.
|Hey! You killed that lizard! Good job!
|Attach a playing card to the spokes so that it will sound like you are driving a motorcycle. It's an important extra
|If you flip through the edges of the pages, it makes a MOVING PICTURE!
|He said the he included a tip for me. This time, I DO expect you to pay up, dammit!
|He wants you to follow him on Twitter.
|RodPaul had cried himself to sleep so many times that his pillow was,permanently, stained.The pillowcase was just a sham
|Posters of posers posed pain for Paul. Poor Paul.
|People with long pointy chins tend to be lonely when older (an illustration from "Face Reading for Dummies")
|It was Spaulding's flirt-technique to point where he'd place it and then, make like kissing.
|Herr Von Narrow-Eyes was known to be unable to resist the pulling of the finger. Often, he started with his own.
|OOOOH! YOU are going to get such a slaaaap tonight
|Samir could not understand how the American Slut could make money dressed like that
|Katy was inching closer. She thought, " I want to touch her and see if she melts"
|Think, "ink". Don't blink.
|Opposites may attract but wadda mess they make after ten years of marriage
|Wow, your repression/rebellion really excites me.
|Jowly didn't know that Moussey is a pink belt in Button Kwan Do but he was about to find out.
|Moussey, unsupervised, sought to see where his nose would fit. This time, there was no WD40 OR butter.tsktsk
|Jowly wasn't thinking this thru. He coulda put the coat on the ground rather than get covered in a gush of blood.tsktsk
|Calvin's favorite part of travel was local episodes of spontaneous drama
|First, Pai wished that he was a Mormon so that he could have more than one wife. Then, he gave it some more thought
|Mahnooa's brother had broken up so many of her fights that the helmet was part of his daily dress
|Marcy knew that Lois and Barb would tell but she copied off of Kim's paper any way
|Barb knew that Lois was gonna tell, oh, yah, oh, yah, Barb knew that Lois was gonna tell.
|Lois was gonna tell, oh yah, oh yah...Lois saw and Lois was gonna tell!
|Schwartzenegger, really, has let himself go.
|"Swing low, Sweet Speedo, carrying me home early! Swing LOW Sweet sweet Speedo. I've been fired for being too squirrly"
|The new UPS guy thought that his little joke about "package delivery" would be a big hit.(little & big...HAHA!)
|Sally was never embarrassed about her lack of teeth
|Many more people would be working from home soon soon soon
|"The CEO's New Clothes" was not destined to be a new children's book
|SHE's the one who tried to make me eat!
|Mel didn't worry about his own figure much but he made great demands of his wife
|LOOK at how FAT her waist is!!!!
|Nathan was allergic to people who prefer chocolate to gold.
|Trent explained that they got a bulk-discount for the Pirate Party Provisions.
|HEY! This is carob!
|Mitzi could not understand why Harvey was getting fewer and fewer bookings
|Mitzi had a favorite seduction tactic but his accent tended to cause misunderstandings
|Harvey worried about his freshness. Mitzi was attracted without it
|"I WILL make the perfect wife!" stated Benjamin. Francis was hurt. He had given Benny the best nights of his life
|F&B's Still...behind the scenes
|Benjamin tried to explain to the judges that the "Chopped" basket ingredients needed more time to ferment
|Francis LOVED watching Benjamin's brain work
|Arvin was the cleanest looking drunk that Boris had ever smelled
|I'm gonna call my dad
|I'm the best looking guy in here!
|Winston hated having a handsome butler but his mother choose his staff
|Cologne won't cover the smell of sweat, sir.
|You do know that we filmed all this, don't you?
|Verizon's first tests
|( "America's Got Talent" Episode one )
|She made sure that he would NEVER call her "fluffy neckins" again.
|The sheer hell of a 3% rise in taxes on the wealthy...
|He didn't care if he was old to be a king but the prenup was going to kill him now.
|...and, you say, the default swap will make us LOADS of money when the defaults start rolling? WOW! Sign me up!
|...only $30?! Wow! You have WAY better prices than the last guy!
|Yes! It's REAL bathhouse! :)
|"Festus", said the tenderfoot, " do you ever bathe or is it against your religion?"
|Festus: Marshall, are you ok? Marshal: I'm just remembering how good I looked this morning while shaving
|I, I, I, I feel very handsome and yet, I have no abs. How can this be???
|Dr. Livingroom, I presume.
|Before we hear about the Book or Mormon, let me tell you about Amway.
|Two guys walk into a bar...
|She listened but, her hair was hurting too much for her to hear.
|I'm with the church. You can trust me.
|You DO look prettier when I am drunk! WOW!
|Chaz got mixed up. We blow out the birthday candles not the birthday present.
|There may not be a rainbow here but, this love is REAL!
|oOOH! It's BIG!!!!!! I like BIG
|Knowing what was to come, Dr. Mort choloformed himself.
|(...just waiting for the meds to take affect, Chaz re-read Rand )
|Handsomeness tended to nauseate Dr. Mort.
|The doctor forgot that people with long pointy chins tended to end up alone no matter what
|pupils at the ready, Betty waited for his next inhale to release the fire-eye flames
|dis boid ain't havin' any of dat slappin' of duh wimmins!
|I am a powerful dialer
|me an' duh general, we's like dis
|pick a finger
|Suddenly, the doc remembered to update his will
|It looked like they had gotten past the "flashing incident"
|Death, still, hadn't made an appointment for any facials or a make-over. Doc jotted, "stuck in fashion rut"
|It seems that Death was able to make one new friend -Old Year. The two of them sneered at the New Year's Baby together
|Fraidy made a note to re-state his weapons-policy at the next staff meeting.
|Dr. Fraid hoped that there would be no crying. He wasn't sure if the tears would be poisonous or just caustic.
|Knowing who was booked for today, Dr. Fraid wore his slippers so as to feel safer - just like when he hid under the bed.
|(jeez, I must be hungry )
|I didn't bring you no silver ware. You'll eat like the dogs you are!
|you fergot the soup. I ain't tippin' yuh
|der ain't enuff forchoon cookies for but two of us
|Gus bet that the kid had far more than one cup of good cheer
|yeah, we saw you take dat figgy pudding, yeah
|Marty made a bet with Bernie that this weren't no castrati
|The Chocolate Singers love sepia, cloaks, harmony and PDA
|Dr. Zolo, demonstrating his technique for curing catatonic states with bad breath
|Harlon realized, after he said, "I do." that he would rather marry Chaz than Marvin.
|"mum," said Sandrika, " I think that I have found your eyebrows"
|Open the door and...
|Selsun Blue would not be on the market for a long long time
|Fox news has a new radio show. They call it "Skwak Radio"
|I found the perfect gift for Hyacinth Bucket (it's pronounced "Bouquet")...no one wants to hear this bird sing either
|Carhorn Leghorn, i say i say i say, was aimin' to live up to i say his daddy's example
|Neither of them realized that they were only being held in place by a pickle. They could have ripped free at any time.
|Dorothy realized that they were not going to stop for a pee anytime soon
|This isn't a very fun three-some
|The prosecution had made a clear case. Bessie is, clearly, horny.
|...and now I'll pull a solution out of...
|...and then, the stork brings another bunny baby and another bunny baby and another bunny baby and another bunny baby...
|I brought him a magic hat to wear with his magic underwear. The bunny poo is a gift
|Mac like violence better than sex
|While the loan officer counted beans by the minute, Mac watched the robbers
|It's not time to buy a cell phone yet
|Were you able to smuggle in those female condoms?
|Don't worry. He's got a very nice personality
|Back up a bit or the spot light will shine through your nightie
|I've heard that "floating" is allow at BYU
|Our chastity belts arrive tomorrow
|All the king's horses and all the king's men will fight 'til they're dead and we'll be alone again. sigh
|Martin lost focus on his self portraits every time he got hungry
|When his bloodsugar got low, Martin's mirages came in full color
|(Pant Pant Pant ) when I tie my other shoe, I'm comin' for YOU!
|The Queen is outside. She wants to run for Prime Minister
|"Bill, do you think that we can ever join the colored people?" asked Whitey sadly as they sat waiting near Capitol Hill
|yes,'m only a Gill,on a stairway to CapitolHill I spent5$ to spend time with thisguy wishn he'd buycrayons 4 my lazyeye
|Clearly inspired by "School House Rock" Charleto, still, over focused the mouth of the self-portrait
|Thumb at the ready, Arthur prepared to provide the decency-covering.
|"You know", said Arthur, " that it isn't supposed to be that color don't you?"
|It began to look like the tent-maker had arrived too early but these guys knew that "early" is very normal.
|Today's practical joke was the ol', 'You-have-a-fly-on-your-visor-newspaperswat" ( again )
|Hairline Artifice Intervention & Realization (Team 6)
|Cooking the books in the days before the microwave was a lengthy process
|It's a bladder infection but don't worry. Your Johnson will be fine soon and you'll need a new saddle
|We take our hats OFF inside the building, bumpkin
|Hey! I know you from the bathhouse!
|"By adding a valve here, we make even the flattest wife, cleavagey! She won't be any happier but you will be!"
|"Just give generously as the hat comes around and we will turn that frown up sidedown! GIVE GIVE GIVE!"
|"Step ryyyyt up and seeee the woman with theeee Adam'sssss apppplllle!"
|( I love having to work with beautiful flowers and smells )
|( I love these flowers )
|( I love this smell )
|Technically, this part isn't supposed to move but, I like pulling out my BIG oil can for pritty ladies
|Once we grease it up really well, the whole thing will REALLY trickle down
|Dora was through with E-Date. A date with the Tin Man was just too much
|Oh! Snap! You knew that I am gay when you married me!
|I just want you for dinner, sweeky.
|"...doing the Electric Slide..."
|Roscoe wished that he had buttoned his jacket.
|All the fellas were told before hand. DO NOT eyeball the cleavage! She WILL throw your soup AT you!
|Hey! Didn't I see you here in the Spring?
|Yeah, well Mae West sees me on Tuesday when YOU are out shopping!
|It says that your boss took the money and ran. Why are you surprised?
|YOU stepped in it! I can smell it on your shoe! I don't have to look at it too!
|...I need a credit card to use the restroom???
|...but I enjoy being Peter Lorre...you snob!
|...a rare photograph of when dinosaurs lived, contemporary with fictitious men
|Yes, the lawn, really, did need mowing this time.
|We ALL bundle.
|It isn't dead, son. It's battery is low.
|No, you cannot type on it's face.
|If he could just tiptoe past...
|Today's test was to see if singing would wake the dead.
|The doc liked them as art but, really, he was allergic to severed heads.
|Clearly, the training programs were not sufficient.
|Wingman was about to find out that guns have "kick" - a LOT of it.
|WingMan had never seen Superman actually kiss Lois before.
|Jeez, it's a mandate for near-beer!
|It says that the quail are armed.
|It's the bill from the mini-bar.
|I prefer to live in a gated community!
|Aloicious failed to realize that he was lucky that he was, no longer, hogtied.
|(primitive restraining orders tended to lead to scratches)
|A GOLDEN GOOSE is what I ordered - not a white chicken!
|Sal decided that she really didn't have to visit the lady's room after all.
|Sal figured it out. The lamps were lit but the doggies were waaay out of the barn
|(Max knew that, in a few more gestures, he be AT second base!! He was, almost, giddy)
|Quadruplets were rare in ancient Egypt but they were not revered
|The Irish/Egyptian Drinking Team often suffered more than just severe sunburn.
|Before Income Tax ( BIT )
|Chuck hoped that he could get an autograph after the hogtie
|Maroon pants! Push!!! Red Pants! Pull!!
|Steven didn't know that he was seen fleeing. He was arrested later - at home.
|Simon was used to having his clothes insulted but it still stung.
|Simon made a lot of money making old men happy. Many of them reallllllly needed it.
|I'll kill him for you
|...for melted friends
|The shakes were not far off. He knew that he'd have to lie and say that it is an earthquake
|WHY! whywhywhy didn't they give me legs and a wallet full of moolah?
|Is this where our dog went when he died?
|Given that the filaments stretch without gravity & all the elements are present, are the pink spots proteinties?
|Is it going to rain yet?
|I can see our house from here.
|Is that the rest room?
|Are we there yet?
|He can strut all he wants to. We, still, have better health care.
|He ain't gunno go "Green". I say that we REEEEEM him on the price of oil and laugh laugh laugh
|I think that they are going to challenge us to Double Dutch. We haven't got a prayer.
|( no words were needed )
|Hans was hoping that Verner could see deep into his soul.
|Thank you! Are you new here? You look good in that uniform! Would you like to go to dinner some time?
|I can still see that hickey on your neck
|They do not want to pay any taxes.
|Johnny didn't like how much his hands hurt if he had to punch any body. Johnny was happy to leave all that to Dan
|Dan should have been covering the rear. Soon, he would remember.
|Dang, I'll be happy when Internet Porn is invented.
|Future Olympic games will include the iPad/hard-drive-implant
|Harvey was ready to wrestle. Martin was ready to tackle. Art just wanted a paycheck and wasn't sure he live to cash it
|I don't think that we have enough sunscreen
|Olive hated her dad.
|When you want your allowance, you'll have to put it here first.
|When I die, son, I'll have all of your inheritance put here.
|I have a big plan that will pay for your new bike!
|"Please, take note.", said the professor, ""Dumbledore" is now a word that is recognized by spell-checkers every where"
|Dumbledum was never quite as good as Dumbledore. Harry's son was sure that this was because of his wand.
|The pig uses the spirals to remove that of any pig who came before
|XIXOOOLIJAH Narlicky pah! SHORIGNU!
|I don't want any more Mountain Dew
|This version of the Matrix sux
|I can see you Nancy and this is no way to get him to fall in love with you!
|I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. Oh, so pretty and witty and wise and I pity any one who gets hurt by my guys!
|Jefferson had an idea of using a time-machine to improve sales.
|(Ingredients: celery tops, kitty litter, hair clippings)
|"Step riiiiiight up and get your KOOL Kool-Aid riiiiiight heeeeer!
|Out side the city limits, Marconi could sell what ever he pleased
|Chief of Police Johnston was waaaay to hung over for all this today.
|Officer Anderson was one of the first men to try to make the boss see the value of ticketing pedestrians.
|Ralph wished that he had hair AND that he could read.
|Madge was thinking that her plan should have had more steps.
|"Oh!', thought Madge. "I hope that no one looks up my skirt!"
|And 1 and 2 and kick 2,3,4
|I am not stealing this little p-member. I bought it and I have the receipt
|Tenure-at-Hogwarts means: "Permission-to-sass-the-younger-professors"
|I'm flipping you low but I am about to flip at your face.
|It's pregnant!
|Well, no wonder that tooth hurt!
|This is all any economy needs to be healthy. One pill, once - in fiction-land
|So, the ultra sound was wrong...
|The Invisible Decorator played favorites. Curvy-the-brush only got to come out on small-spaces day.
|I hope that this blue stuff cures my dandruff.
|But you look exactly like Superman...so, xray my hand and save me some health care fees!
|I thought that you are excited by blurriness
|HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN TO CUFF MARKS, Mr. GANNON?
|What former-homeowners dream when they can sleep
|Ellen and Maggie were VERY uncloseted.
|Mark and Anna had plenty of opportunities for parenting without ever having children.
|yahbut yahbut yahbut, she called me an old lady first!
|It comes from where?
|Why are they prejudiced against other sources of milk?
|but we don't have bones that need to be stronger
|Chip didn't want Gramps to tell him to get a job EVER again.
|Chip was amazed that ANYone would ever brag about it.
|Yep. You are correct. It is deja vu.
|Some people are very serious about sugar.
|The Little People did not take kindly to the new WalMart
|Hi Ho Hi Ho, off to kick in the shin we go!!!
|Buddy, you're a servant. I maybe can't talk pretty but I ain't no servant, see?
|Yah, well, I don like how smell eitha
|Buddy, you got soft, pink hands and weak legs. Dawnling will make mincemeat outta yew
|Really, the two friends had more fun getting dressed than anything else they did each day
|Marty wanted Charley to tell Marigold about the little trashcan at the bottom of the window but Charley was daydreaming
|Charles felt pretty and Martin FINALLY noticed
|I was looking around but then, I smelled something funny. Do you smell something too?
|Why, yes, Sherlock Holmes IS my role-model! How did you guess?
|EYE'm in the mood for loooove. smoochy smooochy
|Sometimes, the Greeks liked to pretend that they lived in Ye Olde England. They called it, "Creative Englackretism".
|Johnny Depp's older brother was not loved by the camera as much.
|Pinkerton trained his sons to aim without gun-sights
|What the dwarves really enjoyed was pretending that they had cleavage
|You're supposed to use a spoon.
|My epicanthic fold is itchy.
|I do.
|This, this is REAL love!
|mmmI'm almost there, YES YES YES AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
|"Group Dentistry" included a spokesperson who would read the mounted iPad and shout the results.
|"peach", "beige", "pale", "ecru", "boener", "toast"
|Superman was ready but Clarke Kent had to pee.
|The nurses have been trying to scrape off the rest.
|Your son was hoping that you'd be proud of his work.
|You can tell once we take the clothes off.
|ah wunder wut wud heppen iffn ah pool on thisn heer
|ahm, gunna tayk ur leesh and mayk yew heeel!
|I didn't look up her dress! She just has very shiny shoes!
|How much for both or us?
|Hey, buddy, can you spare an Infrastructure Job or two?
|I know youze guyz is gamblin' wit udda peeplz munny. i noz it and yoo can't do nuttin' abowd it
|She said that you swallowed the diamond. I'm your Siamese twin 'til this is over.
|i love watching you shave mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
|Now, make it funky.
|This isn't enough to buy an election. What do you expect, voting or something legal????
|If he really wants me to marry him, he'll get on his knee and ask correctly.
|(why do I keep wanting to move the pic around and see all the other cars in the lot? )
|headrestless, seatbeltless, cellphoneless and creditcardless...ah, Ignorant bliss
|(training for marriage was weirder in the USSR)
|Playing "Baby" only appealed to a -very- few.
|Purn found a new way to count his knuckles...with the edge of his nostril
|Purn could hear Blooo but didn't care. His brain was itchy again.
|You didn't pick me a winner last time! Why are you trying again?
|That is NOT your "reboot" button!
|Bu bi ni de bi zi! (Mandarin for, "Don't pick your nose!")
|Marcus didn't know how to tell the doctor that cave paintings bored him
|Dr. Langstrom didn't realize that he didn't have to touch the screen with the slide-control
|High magnification on early MRis was pretty scary
|Why'd you bring your brother?
|Faster, honey, and more to the top.
|This is what we'll do until we get old enough to vote
|This is slander, my good man. I never ate panda.
|I want this invoice delivered, by hand, to Professor Moriarity. Do try to come back alive.
|This expense item, toupee-flavored honey...please, explain.
|The road to stardom starts here, baby!!
|Brylcream allows me to shampoo just one a month.
|I'm not wearing pants.
|I did not need a college degree to get this job.
|Our President is a "black" man. I am jealous and scared for no reason but can't show it on TV.
|Harvey liked it when Mike shined is big, weird, silver pants. Mike knew this but did not share the joy.
|Don't look at me with love where every one can see us!
|We have kissable lips
|Marco was not a very good magician but his jokes helped him to keep getting booked.
|Although he was head conductor at the symphony, Finnius, did a little charity conducting in his off-hours.
|Alphonse can't understand why the women keep giggling when he says, "head". He is doing more research.
|Your report card is an embarrassment to the crown and ME
|Is this recycled paper?
|Mormons believe what?????
|He seemed like a good teacher until we remembered that this was a cooking class.
|Dumbledore was quite handsome at age 18.
|Long and handsome may seem to be nice until you consider excessive thinness.
|Just in time, Ort said, "OH! These aren't food!"
|As Ort told a story about a stork, & Jimmy tried to keep from getting excited, Mary pointed out that both mice were boys
|Oh, you're right. That one is dead
|The camera tried to show that the lady was double-dribbling but got the angle wrong.
|(When Scotty can't beam someone up, he resorts to ancient technology)
|"Take 'er up, Bob. I've had enough fake-fur for a while."
|( ...the way we will choose leaders in the future )
|The sister-animals looked on as Bluie got to be tonight's favorite.She was the newest addition & this was to be expected
|"... and the great, almighty, metal hand pulleth us up the the land of bed-snuggling."
|"So, by using the trickle-down theory, I'll take it all and trickle when I am in the mood to."
|(OH! his mask is BIG. You know what they say about a man with a really really big mask...)
|( why is this cracker trying to be an authentic medicine man? I thought that bland white girls prefered real doctors)
|I'm wondering how many people can do jokes that are not from the bottom of the torsos. What say you?
|I think that we need to change the doesage for T-Whisperer. He has forgotten that "blue" equals "demo".
|I think that "pull my pipe" jokes are much better than "pull my finger" jokes
|Noooobodeee noooz duh trubbul eye seeeen
|I can't notice that you let me have my gun because I am too busy whining
|But, if I squeeze through the bars, my hat might fall off
|Larry, Moe and Curly, all, had unknown little brothers.
|...just don't get dirty. They'll be here soon.
|Esperanza's cooking was so bad that even she faked sleepiness so as not to eat it.
|Oddly, opium was not as nutritious as originally thought
|"Now I lay me down to sleep...oops! Wrong prayer"
|Maurice didn't really faint. He just liked to be carried around.
|How was I to know that he doesn't like to kiss women?
|I didn't bite him!
|So, I says to da guy, " youse got ta use ya knife, bub." but he wudn't lissen
|I was hoping for a better recipe than this.
|Her stories were not going to carry her after her looks faded.
|While Solange explained the procedure, Maurice and Aeopha dealt with the smell.
|an' a one-a an' a two-a
|As a team, the "white" guy shows the real relative size-example
|"Red White Blue" expressed as "Gray Tan Chocolate" mmmm delicious!
|...a lovely piece of art for young people who never saw the "Mod Squad"
|(pre-backhand photo)
|Aloicious told boss that it was just to keep the shakes away but the boss had stashed that bottle for his own "needs"
|You seem to be very confident about your pee-sample
|Soon, Helmond would learn that his body could be seen through the window, but...too late.
|hmmm I don't think that they like us. They seem to be burning a swastika. Maybe we should change clothes and stuff.
|In the days before porn, opportunites had to be taken when they appeared
|The blackandwhites did not want change but the colors could not be stopped
|we better put up the tent before it gets "dark"
|mmm...smells good!
|Every one stopped to watch the weather report
|(I wonder where he put my clothes.)
|( he's is NOT paying me enough for this one)
|You're endorsing athlete's foot medication. That doesn't make you a legend.
|I am A LEDGEND WITH AN ENDORSEMENT CONTRACT!
|You aren't the boss of me.
|I mean, DON'T TOUCH THE BALL WITH YOUR HANDS DURING PLAY!
|You're using YOUR hands.
|I've already seen the French postcards, Holmes. I prefer you, frankly.
|EH? OOh! Ah!! Holmes, you really have good aim, old fellow!
|A stranger in a strange land, Marv learned that chewing gum is illegal. His explainations were not impressing anyone
|In the days before Internet Porn, cops gathered for The Sharing Of The Details as often as possible.
|I killed them and I'd kill them again. Sucking blood is wrong! All mosquitos must DIE
|I'm from the MSPCM. I'm here to make sure that your models aren't abused.
|I won't pose without fur so don't even ask
|I hear that you pay more for posing than Dug Ah does
|Olyvander's first apprentice-ship
|Yes, Victoria, that is a guillotine.
|I didn't know that Execution Eagles disapprove of "May/December" kissing!
|When the princess tells him to carry her new statue in, Horace hopes that his fondess for the male form doesn't show.
|She said that she thinks that it is healthier to breast-feed her children right through grade-school
|Are we supposed to eat it?
|Who's next up to hit? Sirius?
|(I ask, what is making the planet settle and stay, gently, awaiting to respond to the in-coming smack?)
|Ahm gunna smack it right in the Aroura Borealis
|two down, seven to go
|The Jupiter-sized bears are not happy today
|Peri discovered that horizontal blinds collect much more dust than the vertical
|Oh! NO! I'm in a Noir film but it's in COLOR!! OH! NO!
|Betty Page's little sister, Peri, was always amazed that New York was lacking in privacy
|SHOES?!?!? Right THERE?!?!?! for ME!??!?!
|They're coming to take me away, haha, the little white men in their little white coats are coming to take me away haha!
|Even the table of contents needed more than one brain for the transfer of knowledge
|How do you spell, "deja vu"?
|Under, "ditto", it says, "repeat the redundancy"
|Betsy didn't know that the Lick-Perv had her in his sites
|You hat is no where near as powerful as mine is, "sir".
|Are you really sweating so badly that you must put papertowels under your hat AND nose?
|Dagnabbit! He ain't kicking her correctly!
|I don't care if she is a Lady. No one dresses like that in my town. What do you mean "she's here to sing"?
|"Well, gentlemen,", said the judge, "I see that you managed to get her off the rock. Did you leave all the rest?
|Lola was so good that, even "several" did not mess up her hair.
|Officer Left didn't know but Officer Right liked what Lola's right hand did.
|I like how your socks match your hat.
|She'll be back in an hour.
|psst...adam's apple
|Bobby was REALLY tired of singing-while-driving
|Bobby just wished that Mr. Keach would quit calling the car a "beaver-getting-jet"
|I had safety belts but I took them out when I lowered the headrests
|...and then the bird says to the bee...
|Be happy! You didn't inherit the harelip!
|I won't tell anyone if you don't
|...his accent was so thick that Qer and Dua could not tell that he was, simply, asking the location of the men's room
|Dua had never met a snakeoil salesman before. Qer had.
|Although the statue was exactly as requested, Dua liked to give more examination to the eye, much to Qer's consternation
|I am hoping that you can cut this diamond such that it throws light on the industry that produced it.
|Elizabetta had always enjoyed the slap-stick practice of pie-in-face. Quentin was unfamiliar with the practice.
|Heea, we have the ahverage male brain. As you can see, it is, significantly, smaller than the female brain.
|Aew. Hand-held ice cream...how novel
|Put your boobs back on. Don't throw them on the floor again. They get dirty when you do that AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS!
|While the sheriff and deputy argued, the prisoner ached to pull the sheriff's finger.
|(between you and me...how many "pull-my-finger jokes" do you think will be fielded today?)
|...mom said...!
|Harold liked his own skinny arms but Ralf wanted pushups pushups pushups
|words weren't needed.Harold hated cleaning & Ralf knew who had a dog & who didn't & who let who's dog sleep in the cell
|Everything had to wait while Max booked a kid's clown for saturday
|Yeah, badly dressed and impaled on a lava lamp.
|The inspector didn't like waiting for the flatfoots to sing their kids to sleep while they were on shift
|It creeped-out her son but Harriet just loved to have her pulse checked.
|Yep. The dog has been chewing at the back seat again.
|Harold KNEW that he'd get car-sick if he stayed put
|Dyslexic air-bags haven't been perfected yet.
|In the shipping departement "up north", full-sized Christmas presents took away the smiles every year.
|DAAAAAAY-O, DA A A A Y-O. Day light come and I wanna go back to Mars
|Elquin preferred a fancier holder for his beard-dryer
|Johny "Granite-Nose" Jones was a better pickpocket than, either, Hugo or Rafael.
|During early versions of "Punked", keeping a straight face was still a priority.
|"Aw!...just for me? Thanks, guys!", said Jeff. Hugo and Rafael couldnt' bear to tell him that it was just a doll.
|"OH!CHEEESE!!", said Markus. "Shh" said, Hugo to Raphael. "Markus hasn't paid yet. Don't tell him that it's tofu!"
|Unaware that Iphones hadn't been invented yet, Susan kept using her thumbs to no avail.
|Mister, my mirror won't work. Will you help me?
|Jim's favorite pasttime was, still, trying to look down the front of lady's clothes
|Doloros wished that somebody would hurry up and invent the birth control pill already
|"Even actresses shouldn't act like a bridal veil matches sequins.", thought Jim.
|HEEE HAW HEEHAWHHEEEHAW. The nightly calling of the pigs had begun
|Horace was always happy to share what he intended to sing on "American Idol".
|Bella was really surprised when the sheep's clothing dissapeared at midnight
|"i'm in zee mood for lof, simply becauz jou feeer meee!"
|Yermom told me to check all of my translations. "You could have told me that barrel stool before my hand and let it go"
|I want to make a bucket list. I do not need a bucket in which to put my fist
|I will not put the teeth in there. I have to keep them in until fliming is finished for the day
|Harold thought that, someday, he should hire a gal who could type instead of one who just put her nipples on the desk
|Betty took shorthand by scratching on her arm. That way she didn't disturb the big brain boss with her tiny lady brain
|Betty's eyes migrated to the sides of her head often so that she could see predators coming in from the sides.
|Janie didn't really like playing "Hide and Seek" the way that Ralphy played it
|Now, just keep one leg on each side and pretend that you are riding a horse. Doesn't that feel weird???
|I thought that the gipper told gorby to tear down this wall
|You may have your 2nd Amendment. I have Monied-FakeRoyalty. So there.
|Sorry son. I put all of your bullets in the Cayman Islands
|I can hear your stomach begging for food and I still will make sure that you pay more taxes than I do
|WHEN will we be in color???WHEN?!?!!?
|Just because you are better looking than I am doesn't mean that you get to ignore me!!!!!
|I said, "PASS IT!"
|Yah, well me'n Spike is friends, see? Yah, GOOD friends, see? I'll tell Spike you was heeea but he won like it, yeah
|He said to tell you that he is trying the "gaycure" so that he can go home for Xmas and still inherit
|I'd rather have an Ipad than get another laptop
|Don't taze me bro
|Well, I know that this outfit is scarier than a hoodie
|Hey, Hank, do you know what this is?
|"Broke Buckle Mounting", take two
|The sexual tension had been growing between them. Hank decided to just flop it on the table and hope for no splinters.
|Hank needed help with his belts in order to pee but Doug was too busy pretending to hold an Iphone
|Lacey didn't care who won the vote for who would steer. She decided to GRAB the wheel at the first chance.
|The gay man wished that the cross-eyed woman would stop staring at his feet.
|"Shotgun!" "Shot Gun!" "shotgun!" "Shatguyn!" "short gun" "snot gun" "Shat Gan!" "Shet Gahn" "Shot Glock" "Machine Gun!"
|Even tho every one got a great view, they forgot to ask, "...view of what?"
|Lacey had not realized the the tight bra was making her cross-eyed.
|Lacey tried not to stare but the guy, siting beside her, had REALLY big feet!
|Avalon, like many short men, had to MAKE himself not look at women's "chests"
|Please, may I have a ruffle too?
|Yes, ma'am. I understand. No more hickeys
|On the street with a naked upper lip was punishable by taping your head hair across the face. Men had tape at the ready
|It was clear that size mattered.
|Jadeet finally got to the King of Mustaches but his hench-staches were wary of her stache-less face.
|The Mafia started a long long long time ago.
|GLASSES?!?!?!?! We're wearaing GLASSES!?!?!?!
|Class,notice how the reflexes of the feet remain calm while hair is able to try to run away.This group died out
|While Beaman, Marcus and Karl memorized the steps, Edwin just tried to not barf again.
|Marcus and Karl enjoyed the closeness of study...very very much
|Cramming for tests was hard on the neck for those who could not afford textbooks.
|In the years before porn, many men became doctors for non-helpful reasons
|These were the only veiws of female anatomy that they ever did see.
|Yep, it says that we aren't to do harm but, it doesn't say anything about financial harm
|The mattress is Memory Foam. It will spring right back in to place!
|"The real secret to a good night's sleep is Green Support.
|The really tall guy was amazed that the old man trusted him this much.
|AmunRa knew that soon, soon, very soon, the kissing could begin.
|Carry me back to Ol' Missi'ppi or New Miss'ippi will do too
|AmunRa hadn't graduated from Charm School yet and it really showed in his lack of social skills
|Marvin really wasn't much of a "hugger".
|Honey, please don't dance now.
|Whinny:"He must be on the story of when he sold all his stock & ruined the team. Hairyette:"Yes. Yes. I can see that"
|Well, I just wish that he'd put his shirt back on
|The Great Search for Cleavage left many in it's wake
|too bad he didn't see the tornado coming
|Children, here we have a depiction of an unregulated market. Notice the lack of over-sight and the false-lableing.
|Scene: the minutes before the bird splat fell on the hat. ...and action!
|Mary Kay has started testing it's products on Kryton from "Red Dwarf".
|Jim, I'm a doctor not a sulpher-sculpter
|Papa can you hear me?
|It's pronounced Fra Kun Tsen
|Yes, the limp wrist is real but the epicanthic fold is glued on
|I am poised - waiting for a "pull my finger" joke. I can hear it out there...approaching.
|Ted and Howard used the " I had to shoot him" ruse instead of just walking out on the check like every one else did.
|I thought that you said that these are blanks!!!!!!
|Cigarettes are the only thing that will help him! Please! Loan me 25cents so that I can buy him a pack!
|Thurston expected Harvey to pull a gun but, Harvey tricked him and sneezed on him instead.
|Mr. Moneybags' new foot-pedal trap-door was his favorite toy
|Going over his bills, Herbert found that he was charged for an arm-sling that he was not given.
|No one trusted a barber with a full face of hair
|Zimmerman had no cell phone that time
|Ug wasn't sure but he thought that "gray" might by synonymous with "hoodie"
|There is no such thing as Santy Claws, Tooth Floss OR CellFohns. Stop with ur fairy tales
|The next time that you let the Mormons in, I'll turn you into an etch-a-sketch
|Did you () my wife? Did YOU () my wife? DID you() my wife? Did you (())my wife? Did you() MY wife?Did you()my WIFE?
|You are going to get a time-out if I count to three!
|Ahm gunna salute you wit wunna deez in a minute, bud
|Tree coins ina foun'in. Tru da ripples how dey shine Jus one wish will be greanted One hahrt will wear a Balentine
|A Brit, a MadMan and a Capone walked into an elevator and highjacked a load of bar jokes.
|Helpless with out an operator, grown men had to read the two commands on the lever-operating sign and make a decision
|Danny didn't like it when Marvin drove wildly but Al was definitely about to barf
|Being locked up was going to be the biggest test Damon's charm -ever
|...and you smell like a skunk too.
|Sure. I'll put the lotion on but I still love Mike better than I'll ever love you
|His men got tired of telling the captain to sing from the diaphram
|Bad-Breath-O-Meter testing - the early years
|No one looked up in time to tell Larry that the cord is not delicious.
|Veronica asked what the smell was but Dora just shushed her up
|Betty wanted to raise the bar but was not in a position to affect such a change at the moment
|The Stoneford wives were popular WAY before the Stepford wives were
|Devon was a lot warier of anything that smelled like a skunk.
|Heaven looked a lot scarier when it was a hunk.
|Kevin looked a lot hairier when he was drunk
|Hank tried to explain that, when his brain was itchy, he prefered to scratch it using the standard nasal-portals.
|Henry was not impressed when Marco pulled a card from behind Hank's ear. He'd seen it before.
|Yup. There is a piece of my cane stuck in his head.
|Bobby thought that he had lost his sense of smell, but, when the helmet-rack leaned in, he realized that he had not.
|SOSO-media is as far as we have gotten at this point but you kids can bring us all the way to the Matrix
|There will be a "rock", a "paper" and a "cee-zor". One will always be mighty and, one will always be vanquished, OHM
|Even though Brad admitted that he got there first, Stacy wanted to get under Amy's jeans, still, too
|Stacy had a face that said, "bowchicka wow wow" no matter which way he looked
|Brad didn't like the way that Stacy drooled when Brad's nipples showed
|Stacy was, still, able to feel the split even though it did not show unless he lifted his chin.
|Brad really wanted to know what a casting couch was before he went any where near the punchbowl.
|Some people resisted voter-registration but Audrey was not daunted
|Celeste's readout showed a Facebook-withdrawal-swoon, and not for the first time.
|and, with one last flick of her fingers, Solange made sure that Elsa would never, again, borrow a sweater without asking
|CJ had a little lamb.It's fleece was worth the dough. Every time he craved fellating, the lamb paid for his blow.
|Rostifer's booger was so big that Elizabeth could hear it fall out of his nose.
|Bruce and Marky's lamb fest was interupted by the arrival of the dreaded Auntie Gay
|It's ancient Latin. It says, "Men cannot multitask".
|It says that, from 1995 forward, two women HAVE to be seen, kissing, in every movie even if they do not like each other
|It says, "No hair spray allowed".
|Clark really preferred women who were less two-dimensional
|Jimmy was glad that the window was open. He'd had enough of the "krypton aftershave".
|When called on to do make-up, Querman still used leaded face-powder.
|Beolia's singing teachers tended to cash their checks promptly
|Clark like to use pretend-noteries for all of his important documents.
|You've won the award for "Flattest Chest in a 3-block radius".
|Don't smile until you read th prenuptuals
|I don't know but I been told, reporter ladies are fun to hold.
|Get your skirts out of here and let the men do the work and bring me some coffee, honey!
|I'll be sending back-up to find my pupils AND my irises!
|Mr. Pinkins got fortified as Derk started on another round of, "Today, my kid's..."
|If I have to lie to the boss like that again, I'm going to need a LOT more time on the punching bag.
|She didn't look like a black belt to me either.
|(CRUNCH) Miss Parks, you have failed your driving test again. You MUST press the clutch pedal in before shifting.
|(I can't even feel the aluminum foil in my pants)
|I Like me and so do you.
|I have a dream. Gated Communites for mated zooloonities.
|"Slurp snort slurrp slurp." Much to the frustration of his friends, this talk, never failed to make Casper fall in lust
|The tiny calf suddenly starting thinking about scaring kids on Halloween. She wasnt' sure where she got the idea but...
|...how Bessie got the idea for jumping over the Moon.
|The Senator was so happy that General Timmons could not bear to tell him that it only sprayed paint.
|"Well", said, Senator Scarfy, "It's time for a some racial slurs."
|I feel like a new woman
|In the days before Viagra, men could not, fully, explain the point of their favorite toys
|After reading his will, Deloras started planning their next "vacation".
|As Henry started to re-live his highschool football games out loud AGAIN, Beth started planning a "special" coffee break
|Is that a mole on your back???
|Is that a camera on your back
|Pinky had a tendancy to fall in the wrong kind of love.
|Listen, Mister. Just because you bought me dinner does not mean that you can just open my hidden doors!
|MMMM you're so HARD that I want to SQUEEZE you...(insert porn music)
|I'm in the mood for love, simply because you fear me...
|I am not going to swipe my card. I am paying cash.
|I know that he is shorter than I am and speaks French but I am much better at the stances!
|Why do I have to leave the room to scratch my nipple?
|"honey, it's time to wake up.", said the step-mother with bad fashion-sense
|The Grim Reaper liked the effect of the collegen treatments
|David wasn't very good at cross-dressing but his voice was lovely
|Honey, what's for dessert?
|I'll use that recipe on "Krypton Chef" and go for the win!
|Little Green Riding-body did not find bears living in this house but she did find the chair to be juuust riiight.
|As Mark watched the needles touch max AGAIN, he made a mental note to tell mom that Bruce can't tell time either
|10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 - sift off! shake shake shake that unobtanium looose, boys!
|...sorry to leave you with such a mess. I'm off to vacation-land.
|Blue and Red will be the other key-note speakers today.
|Triangulation is a superior skill. Only the blocks who master it in phase one will move to phase two.
|I WILL put you in a round hole!
|C'mon you guys! You CAN remember the routine, right?
|Sing it!, "Weigh, Hay! mow the clown down!"
|The professional Huggin' and a-Chalkin' team got Summer work at the circus now and then
|Mitt wasn't very calm backstage.
|Stick out your tongue and leave it out!!!
|I'm going to pull this chin hair out of your face if you don't tell me where you hid the money!
|TXShemp is a good person
|Thanksgiving dinner was MUCH more enjoyable if the beggars were clean and pretty
|Young Mitt Romney hadn't been able to get into the gated community yet. The next day, he made a phone call
|God is great, ( for me). God is good (for me) and I's thank him for this food if God would just close the curtains
|Hey! That's my pet chicken! I recognize his raggety wing!
|Why didn't you wash your hands?
|So, do you remember which is the correct key?
|Where did you get candy from? Why didn't you get some for me?
|eye, eye, captain
|eye've have enough of your looking at EVERYTHING!
|eye can't hear you!!!!!!!
|Hey, fella, I know that it hurts to get your penis trimmed but, with this much trimmed off, you'll be able to walk now.
|This is one of the largest banana carcasses we've every dredged. We're going to laminate it
|Here she is, Missed America
|YYYEah, we poit a boigah fo yah heea, yeeeah
|eat. eat. eat. This is meat. This you eat eat eat. Now, tip me.
|( sheesh, Madonna gets a lot of work!)
|Du against wan is not a fair fight, boys. Yew weel find thayt my Kung Fu ees berry berry scary
|eets lyke a very big feedle. yew saw across eeet for theee mewseek. vee call eet a "cheahloe"
|Hey! This is a cowbody movie! Get back to the horror movies where you belong!
|( a nickle tip for carrying his bag, Super-stingy-man is more like it!)
|Your Lordship, I'd like to confess someone else's sins
|Oysters were not an aphrodisiac for Quentin
|I know that he is the king but his warty weeenis isn't fun!
|OW OW OWWWWWW! i don't like these shoes
|When Betsy noticed that she froze them both, visions of sugar plums danced in her head.
|While the robot said, Good-push-button", Sally asked Danny if he could drive this baby once they unplugged the bot.
|hey. dig the rock and roll. rock on.
|HEEEZ the one who brought me the coffeeeeeee HEE HIM HEEE!!!
|Octy was surprised that snacks were coming in through the glass-slider instead of the swing-portal as usual
|"Sniffing?" thought Mark. "Sniffing? I didn't know that tentacles have nostrils!"
|Mark wasn't sure if he was happy that he got the job once he saw the working conditions
|ju neber leesen. ju dont put dee castenets on dee neepuls
|You shouldn't buy me fat-man earrings. No one is wearing fat men on their ears this season
|shu u nee somting to wach jor fay. thees weel maykee less greesee
|(sniff sniff sniff)
|Betsy wondered why he had an extra finger on the back of his skull?
|...and she was pretty sure that he was not going to be a good dancer
|It became very clear to Betty that Harvey had lied about attending charm-school
|'Well, he does pay a lot but I'll have to charge more if he continues to ask me to watch him spit
|Tilli wasn't sure if this was the best time but, her children were going to learn to swear soon any way
|Darling, now that both of our hair-transplants have been successful, I'm willing to be seen in public with you.
|Now that her right hand was sufficently club-like, Jenny began to get impatient to start test-punching
|Newt, I don't care if you bought a new face, please, wait until I get out of the hospital to ask for a divorce.
|First, I'm not done being colored in yet. Second, I gotta talk to the artist about all this hair. Third, you only get 1
|Two-Moon, I saw you rubbing alamp, with a wish in your heart, and some fleas in your camp. Two- mooooooooon...
|May I use the restroom first, please
|Look, if you bring me some size-large man-scaping tools, I'll give you two extra wishes
|Two, I'm only in the mood for two
|Your brother told me to give you this. What does, "uckfay ooyay" mean?
|You can punch out the holes for each sin you commit and just sin again! Hand it in to Saint Pete when you're done
|You'll have to take this with you. It will explain the smell in a language that they understand.
|It's the last will and testament of Tiny Tim. You get the ukelele
|It's says, "You will meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger in a suit with a bow tie and nice cheek bones".
|It says, "Sctrach and sniff" but it doesn't say where.
|Marco supported the troops but wondered why this one wanted to sing for his supper.
|but, Mom, Dad is still picking my pockets!!
|I don't know but I been told, I won't get dinner if her chest I hold