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Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter.
Hey, all! Just thought I should post a profile, while I have the time. A few things about me: I'm random. Or, as my bestie likes to put it, randumb and blonde. Sadly, it's true. I like to read, obviously, and I love writing. It might take me a while to post something, which I'm sorry for, but I have about a million stories running through my head, some intertwining. Some are just plain weird (like the one where everyone @ Hogwarts, including the teachers, decide Snape should lighten up and then they pull millions of juvenile pranks on him), but hey! I just might post one.
Another thing: I will often forget to say this in my fics so I'm gonna say it now. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT MAYBE MY OWN CHARACTERS THAT WILL RUN AROUND IN MY BRAIN FOR ALL ETERNITY!! Okay, better now. :-)
I will write anything from Harry Potter to Percy Jackson to W.I.T.C.H. If you don't know what anyone those are, then what planet did you come from and can we arrange a meeting? I wanna tell my friends I've met an actual alien.
I will honestly try to post at least once a month, if not every two weeks. If you review, I'll update more quickly (hint hint).
Also, thank you to any and all reviewers. I really do like to hear other people's opinions on what I write, and ideas for pranks, fluffy scenes, etc. are totally welcome. I'll definitely give you credit.
Another thing...I will probably mention people from school( Cody, Sarah, etc.), but don't pay attention to it. I just say it to annoy them, give them credit, or to use them for my evil schemes. Unfortunately, my last batch of Polyjuice ran out, so I can't use it to make them look like fools. Oh, well... They'll never find out about the Decongestion Draft in their drinks! Muahahahaha!
...Oops, was that my outside...inside...computer...okay, what do you call it when you're typing and you said something you shouldn't have said? Crap, oops, what!
I have a few favorite quotes, which are listed below. Some of them are kind of depressing, some are funny and some I have gotten from other people's stories. I will try and give you credit if it's yours, but I don't have the best memory, so yeah… Tell me if it's your quote and I'll give you credit.
I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels, but I call them my friends
No one can drive you insane unless you give them the key.
There are so many people in the world that will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, "I can. Watch me."
I called Joey gay and then he hit me with his purse. (By the way, this did actually happen...Long story.)
I don't have ADD! I'm totally focus- SQUIRREL! (One of my friends, Megan, says this on a regular basis)
When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge, I laugh harder and scream "Can I have your iPod?"
Clothes may not make a man, but they can break a boyfriend.
It's sad how life can so easily be destroyed. Just one wrong move, and you're dead.
Caution: Blonde Thinking!
? (Literally, this is something I say on a regular basis. It confuses the hell out of people, but it is freakin' hilarious!)
You're such a homo-hobo-bum! - Courtesy of my good friend, Amber. Luv ya, honey!
SEVVY!! - For Sarah, since this is her usual greeting for me.
Whoever said nothing is impossible, has never tried to close a revolving door. And they can forget slamming it, too!
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.
May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.
Cute but evil. Things even out.
If you hit me at 30mph, there's an 80 chance I'll live. Hit me at 40mph, and there's an 80 chance I'll die...Please stop trying to hit me.
Roses are red,
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people are just out of film. (I'm adding this part on 'cuz it's true for me) An some people need to have their batteries replaced!
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
God grant us the senility to forget the people you never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones you do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.
School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.
It's okay if you want to drop dead.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
When you're down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lay down right next to you.
I hear your silence loud and clear.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn't exist.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I do not deny everything.
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store.
Love me or hate me, personally, I couldn't care less.
Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
The road to success is always under construction.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.
Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.
Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually they're pretty slow.
Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Help, I've fallen and I can't...Hey nice carpet! (In my case, nice tile!)
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Cheese…Milk's leap toward immortality.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
The cops never find it as funny as you do.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Someday my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" Don't answer him
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy them by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… if well aimed.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it.
Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
Let's flip a coin. Heads, we'll be together, tails, we'll flip again.
Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Why are the Force and Duck Tape the same? Both have a light and a dark side and hold the universe together.
You have to have darkness for a dawn to come.
Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars.
To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.
Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
Tell the truth and run.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic ... maybe we should have amateurs build everything.
If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?
Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in an asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy??
When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.
Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them more than that.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something.
Join The Army: Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you - I might want to offend you later.
One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!
I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties.
I used to be normal…until I met the freaks that I call my friends.
I ran with scissors and lived!
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
My favorite word is sarcasm.
It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life.
Everyone has a wild side-my friends and I just prefer to make it public.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have.
There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.
Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.
Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
Somebody needs a Happy Meal.
Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.
I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me
Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.
My heart is not a playground
I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms
I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.
If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.
Love can come in many different colors.
What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.
I would say "screw you" but I think too many people already have.
I am really trying to imagine you with a personality. Oops, I can't.
Not the brightest crayon in the box, now, are we?
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
You're a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal.
You just won't leave me alone, will you? You know, people like you are the reason why people like me need medication.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!
Roses are red,
List 5 reasons why I shouldn't talk to you. And then read them over and over.
If stupidity was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
"Let's eat grandpa!!"
Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen. Oh, you think I'm kidding.
Good friends will pick you up when your down, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.
It takes forty-six muscles to frown, but only four to flip 'em the bird.
Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda.
I am the future of Britain. Be very, very afraid.
Even if the voices aren't real, they got some great ideas.
Sometimes I get the urge to run around naked . . . but then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.
What not to say to the police: "You're not going to check the trunk, are you?"
Oh my God, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
Some call it stalking; I call it love.
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Nobody is worth crying over. And the ones who are won't make you cry.
So put that straw in your juice box and suck it!
When the world says "Give up", hope whispers "Just once more."
A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
You are my BEST FRIEND FOREVE - but no 'R' because that would be the end of 'forever'.
Do it today. Tomorrow, it might be illegal.
Strangers have the best candy.
Drink coffee: Act stupider faster.
You're just jealous that the voices only talk to me.
I hate it when the voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Forget princess; I want to be a vampire.
Don't tell people your problems. 20 don't care, and the other 80 are glad you have them.
List of things to do:
Get up.Survive.Go back to bed.
It takes skill to trip over a flat surface.
Put 100 into your work:
W 23 Monday
W 12 Tuesday
W 40 Wednesday
W 20 Thursday
W 5 Friday
There are 3 types of people in this world: The ones that make things happen, the ones that watch things happen and the ones that wonder what happened.
I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me.
Don't go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.
I'm not shy; I'm just quietly plotting your demise.
People can only drive you crazy if you give them the keys.
Most people don't put up walls to keep people out. They put them up to see who cares enough to knock them down.
There is only one way to fail and that is to believe you won't succeed.
It takes courage to stand up and speak. It also takes courage to sit down and listen.
It takes courage to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.
I hear you. I'm just not listening.
I'm up and I'm dressed. What more do you want?
Don't let your brain wander. It's too little to be out on its own.
Hello. My name is: I know this one! It's…ummm…
People often moan about our generation. But have they ever thought about who raised us?
Shut up, voices, or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
The one thing that gives you the most pleasure in life is doing the things people say you can't do.
Rules are made to be broken.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the more you learn…What's the point?
It is easier to secure forgiveness than permission.
I only listen to people I respect. I don't respect you. Do you need a road map?
A blonde went up to her friend one day with her phone in her hand. "Hey, what's 'idk' mean?' She asked. "I don't know." Her friend replied. The blonde then looked at her and said, "OMG! No one knows!"
I used to fight my demons…Now we're on the same side.
Come to the Dark Side…We have cookies.
A blonde was standing on the railroad tracks saying "52, 52, 52…" A brunette came up and asked. "Whatcha doin'?" "52, 52, 52…" "Can I join you?" "52, 52, 52…" "Okay!" The two girls stood on the railroad tracks saying '52' when a train came along. The blonde stepped off the tracks. The brunette didn't. When the train was gone, the blonde stepped back on the tracks and said, "53, 53, 53…"
Excerpts from Harry Potter:
Sorcerer's Stone:
"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
- Chamber of Secrets:
Fred and George, however, found all this very funny. They went out of their way to march ahead of Harry down the corridors, shouting, "Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..."
Hermione, however, clapped a hand to her forehead. "Harry -- I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!" And she sprinted away, up the stairs.
- Prisoner of Azkaban:
As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the smooth surface of the map. "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Well...when we were in our first year, Harry-young, carefree, and innocent-"
Trelawney: "Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?"
Harry: It's a letter from my godfather.
Vernon: Godfather? You haven't got a godfather?
Harry: Yes, I have. He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though…keep up with my news…check if I'm happy…"
- Goblet of Fire:
"Enjoying it?" said Ron darkly. "I don't reckon he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. 'According to Mr. Crouch...as I was saying to Mr. Crouch...Mr. Crouch is of the opinion...Mr. Crouch was telling me...' They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."
- Order of the Phoenix
"Who's Kreacher?"
"Didn't you listen to Dolores Umbridge's speech at the start-of-term feast, Potter?"
Dudley: "Mark Evans cheeked me."
Mrs. Weasley let out a shriek just like Hermione's.
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
"Excellent." said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry -"
- Half-Blood Prince:
"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?"
- Deathly Hallows:
"I was awake half the night thinking it all over, and I believe it's a plot to get the house."
"Ron, you know full well Harry and I were brought up by Muggles!" said Hermione. "We didn't hear stories like that when we were little, we heard 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' and 'Cinderella'—"
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "Time of the Month."
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals.
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
13) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout, "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"
15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.
18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends."
20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting, "I got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions. (Highly inappropriate, albeit very funny.)
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom.
25) It's not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I Apparate.
26) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.
33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
34) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot, gay sex will occur.
35) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself too seriously.
36) "Ya'll check this shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell.
37) I will not say the phrase, "Dude, get a life," to Voldemort.
38) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy. (He will take you up on it.)
39) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
40) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No," and shoot him. On second thought, I'll shoot him, then say, "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess/handsome prince, we will be married immediately in a quiet, civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large, red button labeled, "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 1:17 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence, "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisers, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her family in the blink of an eye.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line, "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, naked mole rat, or whatever sickeningly-cute, little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the alluring rebel and they claim they are attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray their companions if I just let them in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say, "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an adviser says to me, "My liege, he is but one person. What can one person possibly do?" I will reply, "This," and kill the adviser.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says, "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!" I will say, "Oh well," and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However, before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child adviser will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisers ask, "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment Room.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisers assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old adviser can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror, "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be, "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the twelve Stones of Power on the sacred altar, then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of, "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I capture the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly. Do you say prayers before eating?"
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
Nicknames for the Nicknamed - Sarah, this is for you. I had help from my crazy and super-scary friend Sarah. She got totally pissed at me when I forgot to mention that she helped me. PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEEE!!
Inheritance - The new chapter is written, but I'm having trouble with my word processor. I can't get into the file to update it or do a last read through or anything. I probably need to update it, but it might take me a bit. I'll try to have it up by Sunday at the latest.
Riddle Me This - Ummm...This one is taking longer than I thought it would. Sorry. *winces and ducks miscellaneous flying things at her...shoe...tomato...rubber duck...photo album...car...-wait, what?!* Also, my word processor is weird. Read above if you want to hear my troubles with it.
Somebody to Lean On - A chapter is in the making, don't worry! I've just been focusing on Inheirtance 'cuz it's been awhile since I updated it. Thanks for being so patient, guys!
Someone's Watching Over Me - I'm thinking of discontinuing this one. It was a good idea when I started it, I'm sure, but now I have no clue what it was about...Sorry for those who were hoping I would continue. Maybe it'll come back to me and I'll update it, but not in the near future. So, as of 8/20/10, Somone's Watching Over Me is DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!!!!!!!
All righty, then! That's all! And before you ask, I'm country. My country westernish thingymajig…ACCENT! I so knew that. Anyways, it might pop up in my stories. Pie!


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Для получения актуальных цен по гостинице Ar Imperial Park Resort, пожалуйста, укажите интересующие вас даты и выполните поиск.
This resort, which offers a familiar atmosphere, has a privileged location with superb views of the Mediterranean and Calpe rock (Pe??n de Ifach). It offers 170 bungalows spread amongst some traditional buildings. It has a 24-hour reception, snack bar, mini market, buffet-style restaurant, la carte restaurant, safe deposit boxes (to rent), car park and garage (local charge), spa (local charge) and free shuttle service to Levante beach in Calpe (high season only).
Построена в 1997 году
Номеров: 170
|Обратите внимание
|The property offers one, two and three-bedroom bungalows. All of them are cosy decorated and come equipped with fully equipped bathroom with hairdryer, air conditioning and heating, terrace, phone and satellite TV.

subset: commoncrawl


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"'Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to go.'"
When the Knight Bus crashes through the darkness and screeches to a halt in front of him, it's the start of another far from ordinary year at Hogwarts for Harry Potter. Sirius Black, escaped mass-murderer and follower of Lord Voldemort, is on the run - and they say he is coming after Harry. In his first ever Divination class, Professor Trelawney sees an omen of death in Harry's tea leaves.... But perhaps most terrifying of all are the Dementors patrolling the school grounds, with their soul-sucking kiss....
©1999 J.K. Rowling (P)2015 J.K. Rowling
"A marriage made in heaven, Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter." (The Times)
"This series has become an addiction."
I never thought I would be so taken by a series aimed at teenagers. Really enjoying this, will now download the next book.
Fantastic narration ,Stephen Fry brings these wonderful stories to life, can't wait for next book.
"Enjoyable read!"
Stephen Fry is flawless in his performance!
I had originally read the book 3 years ago but wanted to be refreshed since I was to continue to the next book - audible made it well worth while!!!!
"The best"
Mr fry nails the whole set. Adds even more to the story. Builds on from jk.
"Continue to purchase and listen to each HP book!"
Great audiobooks, well read, such a great way to re-live Harry Potter :) Will be buying every one!
Loved it - can't beat Stephen Fry & Harry Potter! Can't wait to hear the rest.
"Great book!"
Stephen Fry is the greatest audio book narrator I've ever heard. He makes these amazing stories truly come to life. I wish he did all the audiobooks!!
Harry Potter, you know it's going to be great.....even after seeing the movies and reading the novels.
Stories you'll always come back to..
our family loved every minute of it. we are looking forward to the next book.
"Absolutely Stunning"
This book is written and read well by both J. K. Rowling and Stephan Fry. I highly recommend.
"A page turner"
another brilliant reading by Stephen fry, an exciting and engaging telling of a truly magical book
This was my third harry potter book in less than 7 days. On day 7 I finished my third harry potter book. Totally addicted. The narrator makes a big difference. Never fire him.
"12/10 wonderfull"
very well written and Stephan fry voiced it brilliantly ! I recommend this book the everyone who enjoys harry potter and fantasy in general
"Fry is magnificent"
Flawless and true to Rowling, I couldn't imagine a better performance than Stephen Fry's. Magic
"A match made in heaven"
i just want to thank Stephen Fry for producing this work of art. his performance and Rowling's magic are a match made in heaven
La narración es excelente. La combinación de Stephen con la hermosa historia de Joanne es increíble.
I loved it and the performance was amazing as usual and nice story,it's my favourite so far
excellent narration by Stephen Fry.... thoroughly enjoyable! My children wanted to keep listening and listening! highly recommended
"Favorite book, favorite movie"
Amazing book, and especially an amazing narration from the beloved Stephen Fry. I very much enjoyed it
Probably my favorite book so far. The ending wasn't what I hoped but still quite impressive
You forget the true story of prisoner of Azkaban because the movie changes it so much. For Harry Potter fans, this is such an easy way to listen and remember an epic story.
"The Series Matures"
The Prisoner of Azkaban is a little bit longer and has a slightly harder edge than the previous two books. I believe this reflects the natural progression of the the time that the books were written and the fact that much of its intended audience were now that little bit older. That's not to say that all the hallmarks of the previous books aren't there: the great characters; the inventive interpretations of modern life in a world of wizards and the warm humour that infused the previous books.
Fry once again meets the challenge of being an excellent narrator and you feel that by this stage he has a genuine empathy for the stories. I would also add that the books this far explain the Professor Snape character far better than the films which in this case miss his rant about Harry's father. It's true that even Fry can't match Rickman's wonderful portrayal of Snape but the insight we gain into him and his motivations in particular is markedly improved in the books.
This remains a series that has massively broad appeal and there are fewer better ways to spend a credit across Audible.
"The best yet..."
This book was a delight from start to finish. Definitely my favourite of the series so far.
The Prisoner of Askaban is definitely my favourite of the Harry Potter stories. It zooms along at a great pace with lots of excitement, one particular favourite bit is the last Quidditch match to win the cup. This story makes the transition between the earlier lighter stories to the later increasingly darker ones. This is the time when Harry Potter finds out that not all things can be made right. A very enjoyable audible for a grey winter's day.
"The opus of Harry Potter. EXPECTO PATRONUM!"
Honestly? You want an honest answer to that question? It's entirely possible that this may be nostalgia talking but I love this book and especially this version as narrated by Stephen Fry. This book in my opinion is where the series truly comes into its own and amongst the other audiobooks I own this rates extremely high! I can still remember when I was young and had some form of insomnia the only thing that could help me sleep was my copy of this or the BBC Radio 4 adaption of The Lord Of The Rings.
I suppose the best comparison would be one of the other Potter books. Others have made the apt comparison that compared to Chamber or Philosopher, Azkaban definitely treats the characters and subject matter with much more gravitas and importance. This is shown mostly in the way the other characters interact with Harry and his friends. Unlike Chamber in which the main threat is mostly hinted at, Sirius is treated as no joke - with no time for comedic side adventures - that hangs over the entire plot. This shows Rowling had a good understanding of her audience aging with the books.
The Harry Potter series is some of Fry's best work when it comes to narration. His best characters when it comes to this story in particular for me are Sirius and Lupin. He is great as Sirius who perfectly conveys the idea that Sirius is a deep voiced gentleman who hasn't had much reason to use his voice for a long time and as such his voice is becoming a lot more croakey and gravelly. Lupin on the other hand sounds like the kind of good hearted teacher that I remember from my favourite classes. A soft spoken man who for sure could raise his voice when required.
If you ever want to give Potter a try on audio don't be afraid to jump in! This story will always make me smile.
"Pure Brilliance "
Absolutely loved all aspects of the book. Brings my childhood memories back to life. Love it!
It is AMAZING!!!!! I am a Harry Potter fan and LOVE all the audiobooks so far!!! Stephen Fry is just amazing, he imitates Hagrid very well....
I love all the harry potter because books and am glad they finally come to audible. Stephen fry is also amazing
"A must have!"
The one reason I joined Audible was to listen to the Harry Potter series and I couldn't recommend it more. Having never listened to audio books before I didn't know what to expect, particularly as I'm a big fan of the books and films but this is equally as amazing.
Stephen Fry reads this book perfectly and his soothing voice and use of different voices for characters really makes this book. The story is perfect for all the family, you fall in love with the characters and can easily imagine this magical world.
This is a book I could easily listen to over and over again.
A must read
"loved it amazing"
loved it wonderful story and wonderful narrative deffunalty getting the next book in the series
"Just keeps getting better and better"
The story, the narration and the passion of the narration.
Everything, the series is just in a league of it's own.
All of them!
Can't wait to listen to the next one in the series.
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Hibiscus Cordial
- Total Time:
- Servings: 8 ounces
- Time(Other): plus cooling
- 4 ounces water
- 2 tablespoons hibiscus tea (See Note)
- 3/4 cup sugar
- 3/4 ounce 100 proof vodka
- 1/2 teaspoon port
- 1/4 teaspoon orange blossom water
- 1/4 teaspoon rose water
How to make this recipe
In a small saucepan, boil water. Reduce the heat to medium and add hibiscus tea and sugar, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Remove from the heat and let cool. Stir in vodka, port, orange blossom water and rose water. Strain the cordial into a jar, cover and refrigerate for up to 1 month. Makes about 8 ounces.
Hibiscus tea is made from dried hibiscus flowers, which are available at Latin markets and health food stores.
Serve With
Use this infusion to make the Essential cocktail.
Contributed By James Wampler


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- Description
- Data Sheet
- Bewertungen
DetailsSpecial small end bearings for all Malossi MHR / MHR TEAM crankshafts as well as crankshafts with identical dimensions. Also available as 13mm version for the MHR Team crankshaft and big bore cylinder kits with 13mm piston pin diameter. Please make sure that these are the parts mounted on your scooter.
13mm (13x17x17.7mm) MHR Team BigBore
Name Malossi Small End Bearing MHR 13x17x17.7mm Item No. M6615509B Brand Malossi Stroke Original Conrod Length Standard Bearing Ø original


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Before waxing, unwanted hair was given impossible brainteasers with the hope that follicles would pull themselves out in frustration. Celebrate swift hair removal with this Groupon.
Choose from Three Options
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Shahla Day Spa & Threading
Shahla Day Spa & Threading's therapists and aestheticians continue to add to their 35 combined years of industry experience, pampering clients with mani-pedis, threading and waxing services, and rejuvenating massages and facials. Just as the aestheticians use the natural sunlight that floods the spa's interior to thread eyebrows with precision, the nail technicians reference the polished wooden floors to add the appropriate level of gloss to freshly trimmed toenails. The spa's private room seems a world away from the bustle of the main floor, and its peaceful atmosphere only enhances the soothing strokes of Swedish massages. This room also hosts waxing services and custom facials that remove dirt and oil from skin or smooth out the wrinkles on a favorite Richard Nixon mask.
Customer Reviews
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text:
Morning Cattle Market Report
August cattle closed 112 higher during yesterday's session, as some traders were hoping for a steady trading in the cash market this week at the $121.00 and other traders were concerned that cash prices could decline due to a higher showlist. Reports of cash cattle trading at $122.00 in Texas helped to support the market. The market seems to have the supply fundamentals to chop higher into the late summer but we remain concerned with the hefty weights and the short-term demand factors. Weather looks favorable for demand but consumer sentiment is an important factor and could turn worse unless the European issues are resolved. Weekly U.S. beef export sales came in at 18,000 metric tonnes, compared with the prior 4-week average of 16,400. Cumulative sales for 2012 have reached 447,800 metric tonnes, up 6.0% from last year's pace. Cattle slaughter came in at 130,000 head, which was higher than expected and suggests strong demand from the packer. This brings the total for the week so far to 507,000 head, up from 393,000 head last week at this time but down from 509,000 head a year ago. Boxed beef cutout values were up 66 cents at mid-session yesterday and closed 29 cents higher at $197.42. This was up from $197.31 the prior week. However, select beef prices were down 46 cents to $184.31 from $187.05 last week. Average dressed steer weights for the week ending May 26th came in at 839 pounds, down from 841 pounds the previous week but up from 819 pounds last year and up from the 5-year average of 814 pounds. Beef production for the same week came in at 498.8 million pounds, down 0.30% over year ago. The higher than normal weight is keeping production at higher than expected levels. While beef production was down 0.30%, slaughter for the same week was down 3.25%. There are still no deliveries against the June contract.


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Need a Hypothyroidism Test in Calistoga, CA? Simply order online 24/7 and get a fast, affordable Hypothyroidism Test at a lab near you (Find More Locations):
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Native American Breed
The Maine coon is the native American longhaired cat and was recognized as a specific breed in Maine.
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Prized Mousers
Maines were they were held in high regard in their native state for their mousing talents.
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Loving Nature
The Maine coon is well known for its loving nature, kindly disposition and great intelligence.
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Good with Children
Maines are especially good with children and dogs and have always been a popular and sought after companion.
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Long Admired
The Maine Coon has always been admired for its beauty, and a Maine Coon was chosen Best Cat at the first major cat show ever held in this country.
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Absent from the Scene
The transition from easygoing farm cat to CFA finalist was not an easy one, nor did it happen quickly.They lost favor and were conspicuously absent from shows for quite a long time.
Swipe here for next slide
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Back in Favor
We are now seeing large classes of these beauties in most cat shows and it is not unusual for a Maine coon to be named "Best Cat."
Popular in Cats


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Reverse Mortgage Pitfall – Avoided
Reverse mortgages can be a great financial tool for retirees or others living on a fixed income. A reverse mortgage can be used to pay off an existing home loan, gain freedom from a house payment and/or provide a retirement income source. The homeowner must still pay real estate taxes and homeowner's insurance but otherwise no payments are due on a reverse mortgage until the borrower spouses both die. Then the loan comes all due and must be paid in full by refinancing, the use of other estate assets or by a sale of the home.
But what happens when the reverse mortgage is taken out by only one spouse? If the surviving spouse is not also a borrower, he or she may need to sell or refinance the house when the borrower spouse dies. Refinancing is not usually an option for a surviving spouse so the family home would need to be sold at, perhaps, the worst possible time. At least that was the situation until the advent of an FHA program called Mortgagee Optional Election (MOE).
The MOE program can enable a surviving spouse who was not a reverse mortgage borrower to remain in the family home after the borrowing spouse dies. But inclusion in this program is not automatic. The surviving spouse needs to contact the mortgage servicer to request an MOE assignment. Certain conditions also apply:


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Skip to comments.China-Combustible Ice/Update
Posted on 05/26/2012 2:05:23 PM PDT by BenLurkin
China conducted its first deep-sea electromagnetic probe at the South China Sea on Friday, according to the country's marine experts.
The exploration came after the country began to actively look for new detection methods for combustible ice.
The electromagnetic-wave set consists of two parts, according to experts, a radiator, which is used to send out electromagnetic waves to stratum, and the receiving equipment used to receive signals reflected back by the sea-bed stratum.
"It is a radiator. It sends out electromagnetic waves along its route underwater, and the electromagnetic waves will be reflected back by the seabed stratum," said Wu Zhongliang, deputy director of the Technical Method Institute at the Guangzhou Marine Geology Survey.
"It is the receiving machine of electromagnetic waves, which is used to receive signals reflected back by the seabed stratum," said Wang Meng, a lecturer at the China University of Geosciences. "Unlike other matters around it, the combustible ice has rather high resistivity, which is different from rocks and mud, so by measuring the resistivity of the seabed-stratum, we can judge if there is combustible ice."
The receiving machine of electromagnetic-waves must be placed near the seabed, which would have the measured data restored for later studies, experts said.
"The red ball above provides buoyancy for the entire equipment, and the cement-mound below is designed to pull the machine down. If we want the machine to float up, we'd unhook the cement mound from the machine," said Chen Kai, also a lecturer at the China University of Geosciences.
Compared with traditional ways of exploration, experts said, the electromagnetic method is more sensitive to the scope and depth of burial and thickness of the combustible ice so as to produce more accurate deposit of the resource.
Story : China-Combustible Ice/Update
File ID : 142526
Dateline : Recent/FILE
Duration : 2'01
Locations : South China Sea, China
Type : Chinese/Nats
Source : China Central Television (CCTV)
Restrictions : Not access Chinese mainland
Pageview : 12
Summary : China begins first combustible-ice exploration in South China Sea
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Languages : EN
Methane Hydrates. A company I know has been doing similar surveys (resistivity method) since the 1990's. Always new tweaks though to how you can explore for them.
They are a huge resource for energy, and technology is getting there to make the deeper deposits worthwhile to mine.
Unless of course Obama (and the Senate) signs it all away with that Sea Treaty thing.
"Combustible ice", also known as Methane Hydrate, is a naturally occuring substance that lies in depressions and in layers sometimes hundreds of feet thick on the ocean bed. At great depths, say in excess of 1,000 meters or more, the combination of pressure and the steady low temperature (about 4 degrees Centigrade), cause water and methane to form a substance, in which the small, symmetrical molecules of methane are trapped in the interstices of the larger and polarized molecules of water. Something like 165 volumes of methane combine with one volume of water.
So long as the Methane Hydrate is kept at below about 6 degrees Centigrade, it is stable, but above that temperature, it undergoes a phase change, releasing the methane (natural gas), which expands back to its original volume, with potentially serious destructive effect on the machinery being employed to extract it.
It is estimated, that something like four to ten times as much chemical energy is contained in the quantities of Methane Hydrate frozen in the polar regions, and the deposits on the ocean floor everywhere, as ALL the known or suspected reserves of coal, petroleum or natural gas in rock strata throughout the entire world. If we could tap into even a small fraction of this store of methane, it would serve the needs of the world for centuries, so much so that photovoltaic panels or arrays of wind-driven turbines become what they have always been, a curiosity which will never provide more than a small fraction of one percent of the total energy extraction industry.
And surprise, surprise, the Chinese may develop the technology first, as we blindly scramble around trying to make "green energy" work. Not our best application of resources.
Maritime stories of ships sinking in a boiling sea may in fact be due to a large cloud of methane hydrate roiling up beneath a vessel, changing the specific gravity of the media in which the hapless ship is caught. I have often wondered if an electromagnetic field could be generated by a large 'bubble of methane rising through sea water, thus disturbing the compasses of planes fying at lower altitudes. Perhaps that is what confused the flight of WWII planes lost off the eastern seaboard?
"Gas hydrates occur abundantly in nature, both in Arctic regions and in marine sediments. Gas hydrate is a crystalline solid consisting of gas molecules, usually methane, each surrounded by a cage of water molecules. It looks very much like water ice. Methane hydrate is stable in ocean floor sediments at water depths greater than 300 meters, and where it occurs, it is known to cement loose sediments in a surface layer several hundred meters thick.
The worldwide amounts of carbon bound in gas hydrates is conservatively estimated to total twice the amount of carbon to be found in all known fossil fuels on Earth."
U.S. Geological Survey
Marine and Coastal Geology Program
Gas (Methane) Hydrates — A New Frontier
Ocean water is electrically conductive, so maybe something that stirs it up in a certain way could make itself known as a fluctuation in the local magnetic field of the earth. But not hugely so, not enough to lose a ship or aircraft.
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text:
Feds add bigger, faster planes to wildfire fleet
GRANTS PASS, Ore. — As the wildfire season ramps up across the West, the U.S. Forest Service is adding bigger, faster planes to its fleet to fight the fires.
The forest service announced Monday that it has selected contractors to provide seven air tankers that fly faster and drop a larger payload of fire retardant than other planes in its firefighting fleet.
|The article you requested is no longer available on BostonHerald.com.
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- wildfires


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Where do you start ? So many whiskies….so little time.
You'd need a gantry the length of a very long gantry at a gantry exhibition to show most of the whiskies available today, so let's just say we do our best to cover the bases with a great selection from all 6 Scottish Malt Whisky regions, some wonderful luxury blended whiskies plus a few overseas belters (I know – just don't be afraid).
We've got a fair number which are listed in "101 Whiskies to Try Before You Die" by Ian Buxton. Give it a wee read whilst you're here and see & taste what he's talking about.
Currently going like hotcakey-things –
Redbreast 15 year old Pot Still Irish Whiskey – 'World's Best Pot Still' 2014 & 2015 World Whiskies Awards
That Boutique-y Whisky Company 35 year old – 'World's Best Blended Whisky' 2015 World Whiskies Awards
Balcones Texas Single Malt – 'Best American Single Malt' 2015 & 2016 World Whiskies Award
And GINS by jove – here are just a few (from our Distilled Dozen) currently playing at a small Restaurant in Hightae…..
Rock Rose Hand Crafted Scottish Gin
Cotswolds Dry Gin, Warwickshire, England
'Best London Gin', 2016 World Gin Awards
Gin Mare Mediterranean Gin, Barcelona, Spain
Herno Organic Gin, Sweden
Inzolia di Sicilia, Caleo, Italy £14.95
Gruner Veltliner, Tinhof, Austria £19.95
Viognier, Le Versant, France £17.95
Pinot Grigio del Veneto, Castelforte, Italy £16.95
Sauvignon Blanc, First Dawn, New Zealand £18.95
Montepulciano D'Abruzzo, Caleo, Italy £14.95
Merlot Reserva, Torreón de Paredes, Chile £17.95
Malbec, Goyenechea, Argentina £16.95
Pinot Noir, Le Versant, France £18.94
Rioja Crianza, Viña Amate, Spain £17.50
Primitivo del Salento, Caleo, Italy £16.50
Zinfandel Rose, Willowood, USA £15.95
Prestige Prosecco, Mionetto, Italy £19.95
Champagne Brut, Poilvert Jacques, France £32.50
We've got a great selection of Scottish bottled beers – Harviestoun Bitter & Twisted Golden Ale from Alva, Orkney Brewery Dark Island from Stromness, Wiliams Bros Seven Giraffes and Caesar Augustus from Alloa, Deeside Brewery Macbeth Ale from Banchory and Deuchars IPA from Edinburgh.
On the Lager front – bottles of Peroni and Innis & Gunn Craft Lager.
Now listen up – if you're in alcohol free mode, (designated driver or early morning start) don't worry – it's not just soda & lime any more. We have 2 bottled beer options – West Brewery NIX and Brew Dog Nanny State on offer – really great alternatives. Trust us – alcohol free beers ain't what they used to be.


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The Shutter Room has been home to some big-name photography exhibitions and, this week, NorthTec students got the opportunity to showcase their work in the gallery.
The five NorthTec photography students have been exhibiting their work as part of their Certificate in Photography.
Digital, film, black and white photography, portraits and landscapes all feature, with each student working on an area of their choice.
Kellie Extance, Sharney Smith, Mikki Tanenui, Hayley Tipene and Irina Zvonareva have completed the Certificate in Photography.
Ms Extance said she did the course to strengthen her skills for her business in real estate and portraiture photography.
She said it had given her the chance to delve in to different areas and genres.
"I've enjoyed doing film and using a dark room and doing it all the old way," she said.
She is passionate about photography for its ability to capture a moment.
"I love people and chatting with them and to me photography is just capturing a moment or the essence of someone. I try to get the true character of people."
Today is the last chance to see the photographs at The Shutter Room, Old Library, 10am-2pm.


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'Where the fuck'd they go? Hey you, where you going?' the sergeant asked as seven mortar rounds drop a few hundred yards on either side of the bridge. 'They're going to hit us - you watch.'
In the areas outside Falluja, the American army controls only what it can shoot. Everything else is up for grabs. In three days of travelling between Falluja and the nearby city of Ramadi, we saw more resistance fighters, often carrying several RPGs and heavy machineguns, than American soldiers. Few bothered to cover their faces.
On Thursday, a group of 40 fighters or so pulled us over. They were angry and aggressive, hunted by helicopters and US bombers.
The thought of being near them during an American attack was terrifying. A few minutes later, it came. The resistance sped off and we followed, passing a burning humvee and the wreckage of an SUV, leaving passports and flak jackets behind.
Last week's open rebellion in a large area around the encircled city of Falluja showed American propaganda to be just that.
For the past eight months, the American-led coalition has maintained that attacks against their forces were carried out by small numbers of disgruntled former regime supporters and foreign fighters.
But the first thing our Iraqi travelling companions yelled out when the insurgents forced guns into the car window was the name of their tribe, every sheikh they were related to and a genealogy going back generations. It was not an action that would have had much success with foreign fighters or Baathists.
The tribes that Saddam Hussein spent much of his dictatorship trying to crush have resurfaced, in a complex web of tribal fighters controlling the land around their farms. Paranoid after months of increasingly successful US intelligence work, all foreigners are considered spies.
Last month the Americans distributed leaflets in Falluja that showed a pair of eyes, with an Arabic inscription reminding the people of Falluja that they were being watched. They did not need to be told.
In the past week the area around Falluja has been turned inside out. The clandestine groups are now in charge. Our translator, who was briefly kidnapped by a resistance group outside the city, described being taken to a series of commanders working in a loose hierarchy.
When we drove from Baghdad to Ramadi on the back roads south of Falluja on Wednesday, the Americans appeared to have almost given up large areas of the countryside. At a small checkpoint near the edge of the desert, a group of eight or so marines looked bewildered.
'I've never seen anything like this,' said one. 'We told [our officers] to get us out of here. There were three mortar rounds on the first night and 12 last night. Every time we move, they are right on top of us - they are getting better.'
We asked if it was safe down the road and the marine just raised an eyebrow. A few hundred yards further on, at a small shop, we stopped to ask directions.
'Be careful,' the shopkeeper told an Iraqi journalist. 'The Americans have many checkpoints - hide your weapons.'
Outside Ramadi, the main highway was empty, save for small groups of cars that darted in during a lull in the shooting and occasional explosions. The Americans were claiming that the town was under control, but it didn't look that way. Heavy black smoke was billowing up from one part of the city and planes circled overhead. On one of the town's main squares, we saw an American patrol coming one way and resistance fighters spreading out down the alleys. A family opened their gate and let us inside.
We stayed for an hour, drinking tea and listening to the gunfire as resistance fighters ran up beside the house, shot and then disappeared.
The family said the fighting had started at 10.30 that morning - for the third day. A nearby house, they said, had been bombed.
After half an hour, we heard screaming from the next house. A bullet had gone into the house and killed Mohammed. He was 13. A woman came from the back of the house and began screaming: 'May God damn the resistance, may God damn the Americans.' The men of the house tried to calm her, but soon we were told to leave.
'We have children here - maybe the Americans will hit us or the resistance,' she began yelling. 'Why don't you leave - there are taxis outside.' There were indeed taxis, but the drivers of them were hiding inside with us.
As we left, she hesitated and asked us to stay and apologised. We left without even knowing their names. Outside the door, fresh drops of blood led to the open door of a minivan where the driver had been shot a few minutes before.
Once the fighting stops, it is hard to believe that the damage of the past week can be undone.
Perhaps the most surprising result of the fighting is the unlikely support of the poor Shias for the Sunnis. This has always been a difficult relationship for foreigners to understand. On the one hand, there is enormous distrust; on the other, they are fellow Muslims.
Before driving to Ramadi on Wednesday, we spent the night at the home of a Shia family in Sadr City. 'There is no difference between Falluja and Sadr City,' said Nassir Salman, a barber who was working late. 'They are fighting and we are fighting. Inshallah , there will be jihad. But we are jealous of Falluja. We are waiting for our leaders to declare jihad. Now, it is worse than Saddam. He killed secretly - but the Americans kill us on the streets.'
This appeared to be a common sentiment in Sadr City. At the home of our hosts, 20-year-old Abbas returned from Kufa, the stronghold of Muqtada al-Sadr, the radical Shia cleric, where he had gone to defend his leader. As he sits down in the family's small room, explosions can be heard from a close neighbourhood.
'If the Americans arrest our Sayyid Muqtada, I will die for him,' says Abbas quietly.
The next morning, there was a funeral for a neighbour killed during the night, but our host is too scared to take us, for fear that the family will attack us.
At the hospital, several corpses lie under blankets in a car parking lot and the charred remains of a body are brought in on a stretcher.
A year ago it would have been hard for a foreigner to believe Sadr City and Falluja could make common cause against the Americans, but by Friday Shias and Sunnis were praying together and sending convoys of food and medication.
At the bridge outside Falluja, the marines tell us we are 'no go' and bar us from entering the town.
As we drive back to Baghdad, men line the road handing out water, food and medicine to the refugees fleeing from Falluja. Boys direct traffic through a maze of country roads, indicating which roads are safe. Small groups of resistance fighters lounge in the ditches.


text: Why isn't Freddie Mac on board with all these rosy outlooks? Latest housing numbers prove robust, so what gives? January 31, 2017 Jacob Gaffney Clearly, the housing market is doing just fine. Read the latest Case-Shiller. Housing pretty much recovered. And Ten-X, too. Home sales increased in January. Don't forget Black Knight. Home prices are so close to a new peak. So why isn't Freddie Mac on board with all these rosy, housing outlooks?Read More Tweet


text:
The world's fastest man, says he will retire from running, before he starts "embarrassing" himself.
Bolt will retire from athletics, after winning nine gold medals at three Olympic Games.
The 100m and 200m world record holder, says he spoke with some sport legends, before making his own decision.
He said: "I asked Michael Johnson 'why did you retire when you were on top? You were dominating, no one was beating you'. He goes 'I done everything I need to do in the sport'.
DailypostLast modified on Monday, 14 November 2016