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Pioneer | Storyteller | Dreamer | Revivalist
Video Editing / Co-Producing / Workflow & Procedure Support & Development
Co-Producer, Co-Director, Co-DP, and Co-Editor for commercial/wedding/engagement/music/documentary films.
Writing scripts, filming, editing, photography, graphic design, audio recording/mixing, and creating motion graphics for corporate videos and commercials.
Helped set up large-scale video projection with multi-screen layouts and formats.
Researched for future film prospects and provided a binder of information for film scouting trip.
Cashier, Sales Floor, Guest Service, Electronics.
Responsible for 8 team members, financial books, contact relations, traveling requirements, scheduling.
During the one-year Multimedia Institute at Oral Roberts University, I worked as an intern for UMP. I learned roles such as camera-operator, assistant director, floor director, and graphics operator, for production of weekly chapel on DirecTv.
Jesus asks his disciples, "Who do people say that I am?"
He loves the human perspective. He already knows all things, but He's fascinated by our interpretation of the world.
But then He asks, "Who do you say that I am?"
Because while His questions lead to knowledge, they never stop there. His motivation is drawing us into experiential revelation- the fruit of which is connection. He's obsessed with our opinion of Him, because it's the container for our connection.
A.W Tozer puts it this way,
"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."
Jesus is shamelessly human. He loves being human. The idea that I would need to dehumanize myself via spirituality to get to God directly contradicts the gospel. Being human is not wrong– having emotions, being in process, that I grow by learning and have not "arrived," that my soul needs comfort, validation, affection, significance, and purpose, that I have hair in weird places or get hungry or tired, or that I have ends and limitations– these things are not symptoms of defects!! God never wanted me to be less human to connect with Him. In fact, the scandal of the gospel is that He said, "Here, let me become human so that I can connect with you right where you are." That Jesus showed up on the scene in our likeness only validates the goodness He saw standing in front of Him after our initial creation in His likeness. If humanity could subtract or detract from godliness, then Emmanuel could never have come. He didn't only redeem humanity at large, He redeemed our humanness. Emmanuel validates we are indistinguishable from goodness.
On my first flight today an older man, who could best be described as a Cowboy-Santa, sat by me and told me stories. Half way through one narrative he paused, studied my face for a few moments, and told me I'm pretty. Mind you, I stayed up all night to catch this flight– I was make-up-less with unmistakably puffy eyes. But I believed him. Cowboy-Santa (CS) doesn't lie.
His carry-on luggage was one of those little Playmate coolers– the kind that (are so difficult to) open via those (damn) little buttons (impossible gates guarded by dark creatures who consume human happiness) on the side.
His personal item was his walking cane, which he immediately let me know was to be used if he got out of line on the flight. I imagined myself beating CS with his cane. I concluded this to be an impossibility, as the space around my window seat could not accommodate a decent swing.
Later, while striving to contort myself into any position that may allow for sleeping, my arm bumped into him and he thanked me for the "love tap."
He said he's 77 years old and married, but he's out of the bull-pen on this flight. I pretended to understand what this meant. I did not. I also wondered how he could be married and have so many rogue hairs growing out of his neck and ears. What are wives for if not manicuring this dense and unchartered territory?
While I was still mesmerized at the surplus of hair on his neck, he went into the specific details of making a proper rootbeer float. He emphasized the importance of putting the soda in before the ice cream so it will float. Experience has proven, if you put the ice cream in first you have to dig it out later so it will float. I don't like rootbeer floats, but I will file this information just in case I ever need to make one to impress a man and don't want to look like a fool.
He then went on to teach me how to survive were I ever to hit a soft spot in a frozen lake and somehow be rescued. I am to quickly have the people who rescued me build a fire and then stand around me in a circle with their backs to me to provide insulation. I have questions about all parts of this scenario. Why am I on the lake? Where did these rescuers come from? Why do their backs need to be toward me to be insulated? He seemed confident in his suggestions. I'll take his word. He's not only Santa, he's Cowboy-Santa.
He told me the little yellow signs on the airport runway tracks are where they bury little munchkins. I wondered if he considered me a munchkin.
He taught me how to farm milo and how to make the most profit off of it. After we landed I looked up milo. I'm still not sure I want to invest in the crop.
He gave me some advice on how to properly pop popcorn. It involved refrigeration, then soaking in water, then re-drying it. He guaranteed it would pop. He seemed sure. I just got hungry for popcorn.
He taught me Omaha, Nebraska was named after the indians and Lincoln, Nebraska was named after the president.
He said he had diabetes and it made his foot hurt. He went to the doctor and they told him he's lucky he came in for a check-up when he did or they would've later sawed his foot off.
He told me opossums are farmers' cats or Texas rats. He said not to be scared of them – just kick them and they'll play dead. He said if I threw a opossum and a coon in a barrel, the opossum would come out in the end. That advice felt contradictory. But the probability of me capturing an opossum and raccoon to run experimental trials testing his theory seems low. I'd need to do multiple tests to even form a hypothesis. I'll sleep on it.
He told me he once knew a rabbit that climbed a tree. He then added that the tree was slanted. I'm still not sure that explains things.
He told me one winter he had to shovel himself out of a snow storm from inside his house by opening the screen door and scooping at it because he was stuck.
He told me once it snowed on Halloween and no one could trick or treat, but a few kids were outside protesting against Mother Nature with signs. Feels like they took it a little too personally.
He said there is one doctor in Redding I should avoid because people don't come out of his operating room. He went on to explain this doctor is known for puncturing organs and causing internal bleeding. He didn't give me a name. I'm now unsure what local physicians can be trusted with my organs.
CS told me stories the whole flight. Once we landed, he thanked me for keeping him company. He was the second to last person to de-plane, which made me the very last person to de-plane as I was trapped in the window seat of his row while he let every other human exit before him (us). He made many friends as people passed him. One was a guy with a nose ring, to which CS exclaimed, "Looks like we have a young bull here! You're married? Why did your wife let you put your ring in your nose?" CS felt like the kindest, safest man in the world. I hope someday I'm an old woman with stories and the inside scoop on life. I hope I make friends everywhere I go. I love you crazy Cowboy-Santa.
School is over. Summer has begun. Life is looking a bit different than I expected in terms of relationships. But I feel entirely at peace.
I feel encouraged. I'm reading Ephesians 1 today & getting impacted sitting in this coffee shop. I'm moved by Paul's description of Jesus–my love, my everything. There's no worshipful synth (in fact, Michael Buble is playing in the background), two cops are having a conversation next to me, the room is buzzing with people, & yet here I sit, eyes filled with tears at Paul's words that speak directly to this thing in me that is alive to God entirely.
"And through the revelation of the Anointed One, He unveiled His secret desires to us…"
After BSSM, after the Bethel season ends, outside of all the things that emotionally aid my passion or spoon-feed me truth– I am so moved by even the smallest thought/revelation about who He is.
Today is another reminder I will never burn out. Passion is largely a matter of choice. I choose tenderness. I choose to be deeply affected. I choose to engage in moments so seemingly small and insignificant that only the Creator of atoms and molecules would notice them. I choose to keep my thoughts toward Him & all of my personhood engaged with His presence. It may, at times, look extravagant. It may, at times, look like "normal" life. I don't care. As long as I'm more connected to who Jesus is today than I was yesterday– I'll take it.
He is the all-encompassing desire of my life.
My heart is steadfast, oh God.
We are not in a cosmic battle of which there are two equal and opposing forces. There is one Victorious One—the Lamb, slain before the foundation of the earth. While we may experience battling opposition, resistance, and/or persecution, the outcome of the battle is not in question. We exist in the time spectrum— limited in knowledge and comprehension, but graced with ever-increasing revelation as to the nature of the Beginning and the End. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now we know in part, then shall we know fully, even as we have been fully known." However, we do not lie dormant, powerless, and in waiting. Until we experience that timeless dimension in it's full manifestation, we have the wondrous opportunity to recognize God's presence is "at work" everywhere in the world, and our partnership with His presence releases the manifestation of Heaven on this earth. This, we do with an understanding that "of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end." Salvation is not some far-reaching destination which can only be tasted of through the death of our mortal members. This is eternal life: to know Him. Today is the day of salvation! Through Jesus Christ, I overcame death just by waking up this morning.
Often times in adversity the glass begins to look half empty. The reality is, the advancement of the Kingdom of Heaven is largely overlooked. Media employs fear as a form of entertainment and this costly endeavor paralyzes believers. If any believer ever had a "right" to give his circumstances the final say on his reality, it would've been Paul. Here is a man who had far greater labors than most of us ever see which included, but were not limited to, imprisonments, beatings, stoning, shipwrecks, being lost at sea, lack of nourishment, water, etc. Yet, Paul didn't allow his circumstances to define his reality. He lived from the victory of Jesus, not trying to obtain victory, and while seated in a physical prison he wrote that God had, "placed Jesus Christ at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given." While his world was falling apart, he proclaimed Jesus Christ as the Person in whom "all things hold together." Paul wasn't living in denial. His mind had so been renewed that his thoughts became those of a greater reality— one where he, too, was "seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus." He no longer considered this physical world to be the most powerful revelation of what is true.
In the same way, Jesus never calmed a furious storm by denying it's existence. While the disciples were fearing for their lives, Jesus was completely at rest in a greater dimension of truth. He didn't even wake up on his own. When the disciples woke him, rather than allowing the situation to tell Him what to think, He released what was inside of Him (the Kingdom — which is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit) and transformed the culture around Him.
Jesus responded to the disciples' fear by saying, "Have you still no faith?" Scripturally, we are commissioned to see Heaven manifested on earth through us, by faith. When Jesus teaches the disciples how to pray in Matthew 6:9-13, He teaches them to pray, "Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven." This is the will of God. The process through which His will comes to pass is partnership. God wouldn't have us pray for something we could get another way. Yes, Jesus has overcome the enemy and the end will prove His complete victory. But we have a role. In Mark 16:17-20 it says, "And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover." Perhaps the reason the world seems so dim and grim to many believers is because they've yet to lay their hands on a sick person and see them recover.
Demonstrations of the power of God are entirely necessary in the life of a believer. In fact, Jesus said, "If I am not doing the works of my Father, then do not believe me." Romans 8:19-20 says, "For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God." Note, that verse refers to all of creation and is not limited to humanity. What if storms and earthquakes and natural disasters are longing for the glory of the sons of God to be revealed in the earth in the same way Jesus was through calming the storms of his day? After all, all of creation has hidden within it the mysteries of the nature of God and continually sings His praise. It too was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of the enemy. Creation was destined to be under the dominion of the sons of God. Are we not, now, the adopted sons of God— an entirely new species— grafted into His family with His DNA pumping through our veins?
The problem with blaming God for the evil we see present in the world is that we essentially want God to override free will, which He will never do, because He is Love. God is in charge but He is not in control. We've seen this since the beginning of time as we know it. He planted two trees in the garden, because there cannot be love without choice/option. Love always involves risk. He risked the possibility of us choosing evil. Jesus was willingly crucified from the foundation of the earth. Fully God and fully man, He chose to live out of His humanity in submission to the Holy Spirit so that he could not only overcome death, hell and the grave, but demonstrate the same kind of life all sons of God are purposed to live on the earth.
The moment we excuse ourselves from responsibility and put blame on God for the evil we see around us, we've stepped out of sonship and into orphanhood. A son knows his position in the family business— and we, as children of God, are in the business of making earth look like heaven. We must understand our powerful role in the manifestation of Christ's victory and labor from a renewed mind, empowered by the Holy Spirit, to do the greater works which Jesus promised us we would do. What if Cessastionism was born out of the same spirit the orphan-minded elder brother was operating in, when he failed to recognize his true identity and the necessity of his role in the family? There is a real enemy in this world who's only all-encompassing agenda is to "steal, kill, and destroy." Jesus put on flesh, stripped him of all power and authority, and then commissioned us, under His authority and empowered by His spirit to make earth look like heaven. You can tell how much a person trusts you by what they entrust you with, and He has entrusted us with Himself.
Jesus is the definitive revelation of God. He is the perfect demonstration of God's nature. Jesus is the kind of God, God is; unwaveringly, unquestioningly good. I can no longer live in the comfort of a powerless life under the illusion of faith— without signs and wonders validating who I say I am. Jesus drew the same line in the sand. The Kingdom of Heaven is advancing. Believing so empowers us to experientially come into the knowledge of this truth through signs, wonders, and manifestations of Heaven.
Confidence isn't walking into a room with your nose in the air, and thinking you are better than everyone else, it's walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else in the first place.
I'm currently learning just how powerful I am. In every situation, I have options. From this perspective, even moments of pain and disappointment become opportunities to step into greater realms of trust; into grace to process emotions in a way that lead to deeper, experiential revelations of unconditional love.
The way we process through pain matters.
When we're hurting, the roads leading to bitterness and self-sufficiency are appealing because they're easy to find and travel, but they eventually end at point of isolation and despair. They aren't entirely hopeless. Nothing is. You can make your way full circle and join the land of the living (in terms of having your heart come alive again), but time is expensive.
The intentionality with which we process our pain becomes the difference between a calloused heart and a heart that grows in it's capacity to love. Pain doesn't have the power stunt our growth unless we believe it does.
Emmanuel, God with us. He isn't only with us in our joy and celebration. Our Father is so good that even pain and disappointment become safe places when we invite Him into them. Every awakened part of our soul and every felt emotion has the potential to become an invitation for Him to come closer. He's the WONDERFUL Counselor. He's not afraid of or put off by our emotions.
In seasons of pain and disappointment, it requires far more courage to get out of bed in the morning and put on a fresh garment of hope than to continue wearing yesterday's chip of justification on our shoulder. Cynicism can easily become the always agreeable friend who laughs at all our jokes, but leaves us feel emptier.
Pain, rejection, abandonment, being misunderstood… Those are the things we risk in love. But when we choose unconditional love anyway, even counting the cost, I think we get a taste of the immeasurable riches of His love. We experience in both the joy and the sorrow of it.
In the last ten months, my heart has come alive in a way I never thought possible. That is something worth fighting for in moments when it would be easier to shut my heart down again. Love is growing up in me, because I keep choosing love in the midst of other options. My hard moment is becoming a garden where hope is growing deep roots, because I'm choosing to pursue hope in the midst of other options. I'm inviting Holy Spirit into my disappointment and tapping into a grace that turns my loneliness into a season where the affirmation of my Father means more to me than any prophetic word someone else could give me. It's not that everything is suddenly better. But this painful process is becoming a catalyst for future seasons— because I'm choosing it.
We are more powerful than we realize. While things beyond our control happen externally, our internal worlds are entirely ours to steward.
"Steward your heart in such a way that the next person who gets you gets the best of you." - Havilah Cunnington
I look at people like Havilah and the wisdom, revelation, and conviction of God's goodness in her life, and I know those things didn't just "happen" in her. Those are things she cultivated in her inner world during hard moments when no one even knew who she was— when no one was in awe of her life.
In the same way that healthy relationships don't just "happen," the health of our inner world doesn't just "happen." I'm responsible for what things take root in my heart. It's my joy to take a hard moment or a hard month and look into the face of my Father and say, "all I want in life is for my heart to look like yours— will you help me land on love as I navigate this thing that's really hurting me?" He is always willing.
I have hope and joy at a time when my heart should be completely devastated. It doesn't make sense. I'm not denying feelings of sadness or loneliness as they come up, I just actually believe I'm well-taken-care-of. I actually believe He makes everything work together for my good SO well, my ability to make messes can't outgrow His ability to make everything work for my good. We're not responsible to never make messes or to have perfect relationships. We're responsible for how we steward our hearts.
Did you choose love when you had other options? Even when it hurt? Even when you didn't get what you wanted? Even when it didn't go your way?
I came to Bethel with a deep desire to understand what it means to have the heaven in me be released to the world around me. I saw countless miracles with my own eyes, some even through my own hands. I love signs and wonders and seeing people be restored to physical wholeness. But the greatest miracle I saw this year was the resurrection of my heart— from fear to love. From paralysis to freedom.
Heaven on earth begins in the inner working of my thoughts and emotions. My ability to steward myself toward the best interest of others and the world around me is the definition of "healthy."
"Don't reject the wilderness seasons/experiences— where nothing seems to be quite working out; where it's confusing and tangled. Instead, review them. Hope grows in the wilderness, because no one needs hope when everything was going right. In the wilderness is where hope speaks. The Father doesn't waste the wilderness experiences. He will make the Valley of Achor (trouble) a door of hope." - Paul Manwaring
Don't reject your wilderness experiences. Steward them. See them as opportunities and moments in your hands. Glean every ounce of wisdom. It becomes a sacrifice of praise when it's costing you your justifications, your need to understand everything, and your need to defend yourself.
It's easy to make excuses to turn your love off when you're wronged. But when you make love your goal and continually choose love in the midst of other options, you'll be amazed at the grace that comes on your life to sustain that choice in difficult circumstances. It doesn't make sense for painful experiences to make us even better lovers— but that's the Kingdom of heaven for you. He will make the valley of trouble into the door that leads you to hope.
"Grace gets deeper the more you trust the King is Good and the King is Just." (John Lucas)
Pain truly is an invitation into a greater capacity to love— if you believe it is.
Today my heart is grieving over the loss of the most invested teacher and mentor I've ever had the privilege of knowing.
If I ever write anything of value in my lifetime, it will be dedicated to Lori Steinbach. She helped me find my voice, through words, when I was fifteen, and she believed in every single word I wrote. She helped me understand I must write to know how I feel about life and the world in which we live. After meeting her, I never made a major life decision without first asking for her insight. She was one of those rare treasures — full of wisdom; full of care. I've never known a teacher to care so deeply about her students as Lori did. She was at every sporting event I participated in, in high school— sitting in the stands, grading papers and somehow still fully engaged with what was happening on the court. She cast me in plays, taught me to write, but more importantly, to think, took me to Europe, and believed in me in a way that made me believe in myself. She knew me when I didn't know myself, and then helped me find myself.
After high school we stayed connected to one another through phone calls, text messages, long emails, Facebook messages, and the occasional opportunities we had to meet up face to face whenever it could be arranged. I'm so thankful to have kept closeness all these years. Just last week I wrote another blog and sent it her way. I loved getting feedback from her. Her response, "I don't know when or how it will happen, Brettley, but you will write and you will inspire. That journey has begun."
Despite all she taught me, I could never put into words the way this woman's life affected mine. I'll never thoughtfully put pen to paper without thinking of her.
I'll just leave you with a little taste of the love, kindness, beauty, wisdom, and wonder that is Lori Steinbach — this is the message she sent me last summer on the morning I left for Redding, CA to attend Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry:
"Well, Miss Brettley, I've been thinking about you for the last week, and I can only imagine the grab-bag of emotions you must be feeling. Change, as we've discussed, is always a blend of many emotions, but if it is a change which moves us forward in our Kingdom journey it is always for the best. And, you are not alone.
As I see your posts and comments I can almost feel the love you'll be taking with you. Your parents love you enough both to hold you close and send you off–what a blessing that is. Your grandparents will always be the cheerleaders in your corner, ready to make you laugh or hug you. Your siblings are constant sources of both entertainment and love, and don't even get me started on those squishy little niece and nephew cheeks. You have amazing friends and co-laborers for Christ, seeking, like you, to do what He calls them to do. All of that will be part of what you take with you and part of what you leave behind. You were always an engaged student, Brettley, and now that your studies will be focused on the Love of your life, you will love being in a school of ministry. When you have doubts, remind yourself that this is a place which combines two of your favorite things: learning and ministry.
I suspect this will be a fascinating and life-changing journey, so be sure to document it in some form. You don't really know what you think until you write it down, remember?
I'm certainly not predicting anything here, but I would encourage you to keep an open heart. As I've told you before, you'll never get pressure from me to be in any kind of relationship; however, being open-hearted (notice I didn't say open-minded, since our minds are so complicated about these things) will ensure that you don't miss an opportunity if one presents itself.
I love you so much, Brettley, and I wish you all the wonderful things you deserve–and that is but a drop compared to what your heavenly Father wants for you. Enjoy it all, even the hard things, and use all your experiences to sharpen and soften and winnow and gather. Write, read and pray; love. minister and touch. It's all part of who you are becoming in Him.
Drive safely, my friend, and know that someone out here in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains is praying for you. When you need or want to, call, write, skype, text–we do those things, even here in Tennessee.
I'm confident that you will have a few fears and a few tears, but mostly you will experience incredible joy and anticipation in EVERY area of this journey.
No more rambling for me. Go do Kingdom work!!
Love and blessings and just a little envy."
I'm on a flight back to California from Iowa. Planes are always a good place to get severely analytical- at least that's true for me. I'm feeling a mixture of things as I watch trees and buildings become a patchwork of fields and highways while we ascend. I turn on some music and think about Jesus and try to forget I'm surrounded by hundreds of strangers while I attempt to get in touch with my heart. I think about Mel and how grateful I am that she helped me reconnect with my heart this year. I think about Trevor and how I've never felt about someone the way I feel about him- and this makes me both excited and afraid. I think about how much I hate my messy handwriting. I close my eyes and try to see Jesus' face. What are you feeling heart?
I don't do well with change. I want to be one of those spontaneous girls who can take off in a moment's notice for a new adventure- and I even pretend that I am, but deep down, change scares me. Routine is a safety net. It takes away the unknown. It keeps me in control.
Being back in the Midwest is both wonderful and strange. My family no longer has a home here, so I've been couch-surfing with family and friends. I wish I'd been able to spend more time with my mom. God, I love her. I feel like I'm in a transitional season- ha! Aren't we always? Being in this place where I spent 18-20 years of my life feels like that season was a completely different life. Sometimes it doesn't even feel real- as dramatic as that sounds. I pass buildings and roads all with memories attached to them and feel like I'm watching myself on The Truman Show- where none of my life has been real and everyone but me is aware of it- and I'm slowly becoming aware of it, myself. Everyone looks older- same faces, more wrinkles; more tired and worn. Here I've gone off to Colorado and California looking to become a more "alive" version of myself, and they've gone seemingly untouched- like those things most precious to you that get put up on shelves and tucked away in boxes. There's an excitement and a nostalgia about reconnecting with them, but that soon wears off, and there's a certain kind of sadness that overcomes you; a startling reality of how much time has passed and how little of yourself remains attached to that part of your life. Trying to remember my childhood self and re-identify with that person feels a little like grasping for a few tuffs of a dandelion as they drift carelessly and wonderfully away- only to realize all my attempts were near misses.
It feels like my only option is to move forward. It feels like the page has turned and that part of my life is no longer accessible for revision or influence. Next month I'm turning twenty-five and I realize that's way younger than it feels to me, but I do feel I'm being gently nudged toward the next phase of my life. I grew so comfortable in the warm water of the last phase that I just want to sit in my raisin-wrinkled skin and never get out to feel the discomfort of cold, fresh air on my lukewarm skin. Everyone who loves me and has been sacrificially investing in my life is waiting to see how I'll steward all I've been given and who I'll become. I can feel all their excitement and support. I just feel little to no motivation to get up and move forward. Maybe I'm running into old mindsets where my life is feeling bigger than me, again, and renewed thoughts would carry renewed hope for adventure and the unknown places. Or maybe I'm over-analyzing it and it's the three midol I took on an empty stomach that are making me feel uneasy.
This weekend Carey, our dear family friend, posed the question: if you had all the money in the world and everything you wanted, but still had to work, what would you do?
I would be a mom. & I would write.
But those are things I've always been afraid to run after. I'm watching a mom two rows back trying to get her coughing/crying baby to suck down some motrin and fighting against the turbulence at 30,000 ft. I'm wondering if my ideas of motherhood lack realism. I fear I'll struggle with thinking I'm failing my kids in some way- that some how I won't be rightly preparing them for the world or that I'll scar them in some way because of my own issues. I envy the little girl next to me wrapped up in her security blanket, sound asleep on her "Nana's" lap, as I know I'm moving farther and farther from the innocence of her youth and closer and closer to the age of woman she's sleeping on-who's thoughts are probably consumed with cares and life's responsibilities. I suppose that's pessimistic.
And, I guess, that's the main reason I'm afraid to become a writer. I'm already "too analytical" as it is. I fear what hole I may end up in if I were to allow myself the freedom of indulging in the deep and unchartered territory of my thought life- which is so intimately acquainted with the deepest areas in my heart and soul. I fear discovering some dark and cynical part of myself- or worse yet, leading others in with me by way of my words. I'm not quite sure what I'm getting at here…
I fear the future. I fear the unknown. I want a home and to build a life and family- preferably with Trevs, but I don't want to get there and realize my dreams were all idealistic and feel unfulfilled. To dream is to risk. You cannot dream without faith. A dream, in its most basic form, is the acknowledgement, the admittance of a desire of the heart. A dream is conceived in the most intimate part of humanity- the heart and soul.
I can't say I feel completely stable after the first year at BSSM. But I do feel healthy in the sense that I'm in touch with my emotions again, and I can at least look at them head on. I can close my eyes and see His face. In a moment of despair, I am taken by Him and swept into awe and wonder as I feed on the experiential knowledge of His goodness; the unfathomable nature of His faithfulness.
I'm still just a little girl wrapped in her security blanket resting on the lap of her grandma- completely unaware of the miracle and risk of my current geographical location: 30,000 ft above earth, floating in a metal tube where a million things beyond human control must dance together in perfection to ensure safety.
I'm His little girl. And even when I'm a wife and mom someday, I'm His little girl. Even when I'm aware of realities like breathing in disgusting, recycled air or the dangers of bearing children or the statistics of declining health- I'm still His little girl. I choose Jesus in the midst of cynicism and pessimism. I close my eyes and see myself on His shoulders at age three in a white lace dress, bouncing up and down and laughing as He carries me through green pastures with blue skies- His soft curly hair wrapped in ringlets around my small finger.
I'm coming to terms with the truth that none of us like growing up or growing old. None of us like seeing our parents age as their eyes grow dim and memories dull. None of us like looking in the mirror and seeing a person much older than we feel inside. That's why we cling to old songs that pull us back into feelings of comfort and familiarity. That's why we sit around telling stories and trying to keep our favorite parts of life alive— because we're afraid the best is behind us, or at least I am. I'm not too proud to admit it.
But, Jesus.
This is the hope we can cling to- that we will never outgrow His Fatherhood. He has written eternity on our hearts, because He knows how much we hate goodbyes. He's made a way for us to live forever, together. In His kindness, He's made a place without time- the thing that, deep down, scares us more than any other thing- as it cannot be controlled or denied. Eternity is the seal on our hearts and the security blanket that holds us in all seasons so our hearts can find rest amidst change. It is the peace that transcends the turbulence of flight and chaos of a crying, sick baby as mom attempts to soothe her little one. It's the, "Hey, I've got you," we feel as we watch our grandparents struggle to get up off couches and our nieces and nephews, who's diapers we used to change, graduate from high school.
Thank you, Father, for Jesus- the bridge between the realities of this life and the comfort of the eternal one.
And may the ones who do not yet know the Person of Peace, who cannot close their eyes and see His face, meet Him- so that their hearts may, too, find rest.
I came to Bethel with ambitions to better understand the seeming secret behind living a supernatural lifestyle. I believed in a God of healing and life. I believed in authentic manifestations. I believed in His raw power. I just didn't have any concept for the way He believes in me. One of the most profound revelations of my first year experience at BSSM has been wrapped up in this concept.
Understanding who I am, in Jesus, is unlocking my truest self. I came here to find supernatural life, and at the end of this year, I'm realizing the most supernatural life I could ever live is my own.
Recently I spent a week in Tijuana, Mexico. This trip was unique. It was a marriage between two things I dearly love– loving people and story-telling through film. Leading up to the trip I was struggling to muster up excitement and I couldn't seem to pin a reason. Eventually, I gave up trying to analyze my feelings and decided even if my heart wasn't fully engaged in the trip, I would still be able to give a lot in terms of media. I was more excited about the film than I was the opportunities to minister to people, and I didn't like myself for it. Once in Tijuana, however, everything changed.
Over the course of the week, I started processing through a range of thoughts and emotions. Realizing I'd discounted myself as ever being an "evangelist," I started to see my lack of excitement stemmed from this belief and insecurity that I didn't have anything to offer the people I would encounter. Holy Spirit came gently, faithfully, and completely unafraid of my emotions–as He always does. He reminded me the fullness of God lives in me and that revelation of my union with Him completely revolutionized my perception of myself and evangelism. I am One with the fullness of the Uncreated One, and any striving to obtain what I already possess in this union is self-righteousness. This revelation freed me from the prison of self-consciousness and allowed me to really connect with the people I encountered in Tijuana.
One afternoon, I had the opportunity to listen to the story of man living in the heroin camps. He'd never been affirmed by his mother, and lost himself at some point on his journey and ended up in prison for years. That day, I found myself humbly standing there as he encouraged me to run after the dreams in my heart and to hold to them tightly. He had hope for others, but no hope for himself. I told him Holy Spirit wanted to affirm him in all the ways his mother never did, and that, even now, his dreams were not out of reach.
Another evening, we rented a male strip club in the Red Light District and a taco stand. We cleaned the place, set up the tables and decorations, and threw a party for anyone in the area who wanted to come; for trafficked victims, pimps, heroin addicts, and the homeless. We had one restroom set up as a dressing room and the girls could change into any number of fancy dresses we brought. We escorted them to a table and served them food. We spent most of the evening listening, laughing, encouraging, and with moist eyes. I connected with one trafficked girl who's story rocked me. She'd grown up the daughter of Assemblies of God pastors. She misinterpreted her parents boundaries as efforts to control her, and left her family to move to Tijuana. Soon after, young and naive, she found herself emotionally tangled in a co-dependent relationship she couldn't shake. Things became more complicated as she soon had children. Her love and gift for dance had been perverted as she was pressured into working in a strip club. Shame overwhelmed her, and she started using drugs just to make it through her shifts. Halfway through the evening, we gave her a bracelet. She started sobbing and told us just the night before she'd had a dream about that very bracelet. Soon, she was telling us about experiences she had regularly where she would feel like God was speaking to her in dreams or through different songs she'd listen to. The prophetic anointing on her life was so apparent. Before the night ended, I was able to prophesy over her about the prophetic call on her life and release the hope of Heaven over her.
As my first year of BSSM ends, I'm reflecting on this wonder: all of the supernatural can be summed up in embodying the Person of Love.
I feel like I just met that Person for the first time this year, and He is beauty. He surprised me with His goodness. He roared over me with Peace & Freedom. He released me from the prison of thinking He was out to control me into a specific task. In fact, the more I discover the One I love, the more I understand the last thing He wants to do is control me. His Sovereignty is not threatened by my ability to make choices and my freedom to have options. After all, He's the one who created options in the garden, and love always protects the freedom to choose. The Father never desired that I live for Him as a slave, but with Him as His daughter. His satisfaction is in who I am and has nothing to do with what I do. His pleasure over me and delight in me are eternal and unchanging. He doesn't just tolerate me, He likes me. All of His thoughts toward me are good, and He's constantly smiling at me.
That changes everything.
Because when I believe it, I can like me, too. This year has freed me to like myself. When I moved to Redding, I was exhausted. Striving to become some person I thought would be more acceptable, more lovable, more likable… had worn me out. I came as a washed up, beat up version of myself. Then I met Love, and the warm embrace of His goodness healed my soul. I stopped trying to "become" myself and just started "being" myself. Now, I live in the embrace of my Daddy. I live there. I live with a constant awareness of His presence and His smile.
And, that is the Kingdom— that we may know Him (John 17:3); seeing Him as He truly is. He's better than we think He is. He's not angry— not even a little bit. Every ounce of punishment for sin was absorbed in Jesus. He's a happy guy. He laughs all the time. His goodness knows no end.
You want to live a supernatural life filled with signs and wonders? Fix your whole self on how loved and accepted you are, right now, by the best Father you could ever imagine.
The the Kingdom of Heaven is the goodness of God realized by beloved sons and daughters.
Sexy doesn't impress me. Smart impresses me, strength of character impresses me. But most of all, I am impressed by kindness. Kindness, I think, comes from learning hard lessons well, from falling and picking yourself up. It comes from surviving failure and loss. It implies an understanding of the human condition, forgives its many flaws and quirks. When I see that in someone, it fills me with admiration.
Lately I have had a lot of desires in my heart. I have wanted certain friendships and circumstances to occur. Being here at Bethel I am on a journey of wholeness. I desire to be a healthy individual who knows who I am and my identity is secure.
I have lately been asking myself why I do some of…
This is crazy powerful. This is my roommate. I'm so honored to journey with her this year.
So often we ask God to make us humble people. It's like we expect to be overtaken by Him & stripped of all pride in a moment. & sure, that could happen. But, in most cases, humility comes down to making a choice.
It's been said, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." There's a lot of truth in that statement.
These are just Brettley-thoughts so there's plenty of room for disagreeing- I'm definitely still in process.
If true humility is thinking of yourself less, then it seems false (counterfeit) humility is believing you consider others before yourself while never truly examining your heart & thoughts to see if that's true of you. I'm sure there are other forms of false humility not included in that summary, as well.
Humility is a heart matter, but I believe it begins in the thought life. & it requires being honest with yourself.
How often in your day do you think of yourself?
How often do you find yourself thinking of others?
What percentages?
How many of your thoughts about others are really just comparisons of their life to yours (which leads to entitlement rather than thankfulness)?
Are you able to celebrate others?
If so, do you choose to?
I don't believe humility is having no needs of your own. Having no needs of your own is called "dysfunction." We all have needs to manage in healthy ways. I also do not believe humility is denying or suppressing your needs.
I believe humility is knowing your needs & then being able to choose to step outside of your world & see the needs of others. Humility is not a posture of weakness, but of power. Powerful people can intentionally choose to see beyond their world. Powerless people can only operate in counterfeit forms of humility. After all, how is it possible to think of others when your thoughts are consumed with justifying why you feel victimized by them?
Practically speaking, sometimes humility is simply recognizing the other person in the room with you; making the powerful choice to turn your thoughts toward their heart, even if they are unaware. True humility isn't seeking for their recognition & validation anyway, because powerful people know their identities- fully loved, fully accepted, fully embraced by the Father.
When you choose humility, your thoughts shift.
"Holy Spirit, how is that person's heart? What are that person's needs? Give me eyes to see that person the way You do."
Humility is a choice. Jesus chose humility. Philippians 2:8, "And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death in a cross."
The Father did not force him. The most powerful person on the planet humbled himself. He chose it.
I believe the Father's heart is that we stop crying out for Him to make us humble and just start choosing it like Jesus did.
You are powerful! And the Father has empowered you to choose whether or not to walk in love, honor, and humility in relationships. Steward your thoughts powerfully!
"Favor may get you in door, but humility keeps you in the room." -Eric Johnson
people say i love you all the time - when they say, 'take an umbrella, it's raining,' or 'hurry back,' or even 'watch out, you'll break your neck.' there are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear.
Hope is not some flowery, delicate word we tac onto the end of our wishful thoughts.
Hope is a weapon.
Hope is a muscle to be worked out and strengthened.
Hope is not passive.
Hope is a violent & passionate clinging to the deepest dreams of our hearts when all our circumstances stand in opposition to them.
Hope is a resilient declaration of life in the face of fear.
I'm learning to give myself time in this process.
I struggle because I feel like I shouldn't be dealing with some of the petty things I am battling with, like it is beneath me or something. But isn't that pride?…
As Holy Spirit brings things to the surface for me to deal with I have to…
Oh my heart.
I now understand that whole "wrecked" statement people use at bethel. I was wrecked today. I need to give you a little context.
There are 1,200 first year students at Bethel. We are divided in "revival groups" of about 65. Each group has a pastor and a few interns that live in close community with us as we journey through first year. I know for a fact I have the best group. :) We meet with our group every Monday, and every Monday has been a powerful experience.
Yesterday we had a guest speaker in RG who talked about the Father's heart– what it means and looks like, and God's presence was thick in the room. As he and his wife laid hands on each of us, I had an insane encounter. My whole body was shaking as I was possessed in my own heart by the love God feels toward people. I sat in my chair shaking and feeling like I couldn't move. Later, when I finally got up to leave, my pastor, Matt, hugged me and started declaring things over me and I fell on the ground with all my bags still on and sobbed, and laughed, and sobbed. Our meeting went over like 45 minutes. Matt asked me to write to the group about my experience so I'm just going to share with you what I wrote them.
For a few weeks I know the Father has been stirring my heart toward a new way of seeing people, a new way of loving people, & a new way of doing relationships/community.
To give some background: I went through a time in life where I struggled with self-hatred and, through a process with Holy Spirit, of came into a revelation of the Father's love for me. Then, I journeyed through a season of learning to see myself the way He sees me and learning to love myself (still discovering this). But I believe there's a greater dimension of love to walk in experientially in this earth, and that is to carry the Father's heart for people in the earth; to see people the way He sees them is the essence of the prophetic ministry. This is the season I feel the Lord has been drawing me into. My heart feels too large for my body.
When Les (our guest speaker) came in today, he put to words the deep desires that have been welling up in me in the last few weeks. I have been overwhelmed with an increasing capacity to love people in a way to where they experience the Father's heart through me. I desire to see the gold. I desire to be a safe place. I desire to love without putting any expectations on people. I desire to love with no underlying motives of trying to get my needs met in someone. I desire to be trusted by the Father to love well.
As those desires have grown in me, the enemy has attempted to deter me. Because of difficult things I've walked through in the past, I've had a fear of hurting people- a fear of myself.
Today as Les was speaking, He was giving words to those desires in my heart. When Deborah prayed over me I felt a release of that fear.
I heard the Father say: You are so safe. There is no one I trust more to love the ones I love. You love well and with such purity of heart. You see people the way I see them. You would never hurt anyone. You can be trusted to never humiliate my Beloved. And more than anything else– you are willing to carry the burden of my heart for others.
And then He released His heart, the Father's love, in me. Needless to say, I was ruined. My heart was broken the way His heart is broken over the ones who don't know how much He loves them. & oh, how He loves!
If any of you have been afraid to love for any reason, I release to you what was given to me today:
Freedom to live with your heart wide open. The ability to see others the way the Father sees them. A compassion that allows you to share in others' burdens; to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. A responsibility to come alongside the hurting and intercede for their breakthrough when they feel weak. And a passion to see others walk in wholeness- which is the experiential knowledge of the Father's crazy love for them.
"The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." What's been made available to me is available to all of you in equal & greater measure.
It would be impossible to put to words everything I've experienced since I moved to Redding. However, I'm stealing away for 15 minutes before I head to class and forcing myself to at least give it a shot.
When I slow down long enough to really let everything settle in, an overwhelming sense of the Father's love comes over me. I see His face in everything. I see His hand of sovereignty. I feel His kind eyes looking right at me.
I went to registration on my first day and met the leaders who would be journeying with me for the rest of the year. They couldn't be more loving. They instantly knew me by the Spirit and spoke rich words over my life. I felt seen. And that feeling of being seen– being known, has carried into all the other relationships I've encountered here. I'm surrounded by the most loving community I've ever been a part of in my life. I'm more myself than I've ever been. It's hard to get used to being loved so much, so well, so often. I know this is the way we were meant to live together.
My relationship with the Father has changed even in just the short time I've been here. I used to only be serious with the Father. Now He's awakened/restored a childlikeness in my heart. I dance in worship with no thought as to what's going on around me. I enjoy Him more and feel His enjoyment of me. When you know He delights in you, it changes everything. In fact, there's a greater level of intimacy waiting on the other side of the preconceived notion that the Father is always serious. Childlikeness positions us to know His personality in greater measure. He cries with us, but He also loves to laugh with us. I've laughed more in the last few weeks (uncontrollably) than I have in years.
I'd love to share with you in more detail some encounters I've had in the last few weeks, as well as prophetic words and revelation I've been given. And I will as soon as we get wifi in our new house.
Thank you for your continued interest in my wellbeing. Thank you for your commitment to me, your kindness, your love, and your support. I release to you everything that's been given to me so far.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop, drinking a London Fog that an adorable barista made for me (I'm frequenting this coffee shop too often for that reason), reading & thinking about moving to California in the next couple of weeks.
Life is a little bit perfect right now. I don't say that with any kind of arrogance, but with thankfulness. A few months ago I was lost. I was panicking and felt like I was sinking in doubts. I don't have everything figured out right now, but I'm at least moving in a direction.
A good friend recently told me that it's His promise to "make our paths straight." We just keep our hearts turned toward Him in all things– that's our end of the deal. He will come through. He is Faithful.
I'm scared to move. I'm wrestling with fears about making the wrong decision or "missing" His will for my life. These early twenties are confusing years of transition. I've given up all my planning and penciling life in.
I'm not giving up.
He knows me.
He goes before me.
If you're a little lost, too, it's momentary. Hindsight is 20/20, right? His hand is on You, too. He's alongside.
We've figured out a way to capture everything. We take pictures and videos of moments constantly and then relive/reexperience them later, sometimes more fondly than we did in the present moment. There's an incredible amount of nostalgia in our day. Everything can be looked back on after it has been altered with filters, edited so it's without flaws, and remembered as though it were nearly "perfect." Real life as it's presently happening is becoming less and less satisfying, because it's not perfect. It's messy & at times boring. It's almost as though we only go through the motions of our experiences so that we'll have another nostalgic moment to look back on. There's all this pressure weighing on our experiences to make them picturesque. In many ways we're false to our memories. It doesn't much matter how something feels as its happening, because we'll just alter that perception later so we remember it the way we wished it felt.
I wonder if He intended for us to constantly be looking backwards. I wonder the affect its taken on the way we experience life & relationships.
Lately I've been feeling an overwhelming love for the people in my life. And just people in general. And it's nothing to my own credit. In fact, I'm naturally more of a "judger" (infj), and I tend to struggle with loving others who don't do things the way I think they should be done.
Maybe loving people immensely comes naturally for you. Congrats. :) But I'm writing this post as a little celebration for the ones who don't usually feel all mushy-gushy in their hearts.
I'm not saying I don't get annoyed. I'm with my family 24/7 right now— I get annoyed. But at the end of the day, I am filled to capacity (or at least what feels like capacity) with LOVE for my family and my friends.
What's odd is I've noticed a tendency in myself to apologize for loving extravagantly. Like I'm embarrassed. And it's made me wonder a lot about what kind of community I've been raised in, and what kind of community the church has embraced… Where it's actually a little bit embarrassing to let your walls down some and just tell people what they mean to you in life. I've done community in a closed-up way for a long time.
I don't want to do that anymore. I love you people and I'm not going to shy away from it & make apologies. You're worth celebrating. Seriously. He delights in His kids- shouldn't we delight in and celebrate one another?
Just thoughts.
At this stage in my life it is difficult to give a concrete answer to any question regarding my hopes or dreams about the future. It feels as though as I've grown older I've also grown distant from the person I really am.
Maybe my seeming lack of an answer is really just the fear that if I'm honest with myself, my dreams don't look like what everyone around me thinks they should. There's a huge part of me that would rather mother a home of little, discarded asian girls than settle down with someone and live the "American dream." It's not that the latter has no appeal. I just wonder what greater things I might sacrifice if I settle into what seems to be the most common end; or the most comfortable one.
This is, by no means, an attack against the entity of marriage. There's an undeniable Divine aspect to that sacred covenant.
I simply want to take the time, however long necessary, to process through what dreams have been planted in my heart– not allowing assumption or presumption to take the place of Presence in guiding my decision-making. I want to live a life of honesty with myself, rather than one of trying to become some person I or others think I need to be.
"The very simplicity and nakedness of man's life in the primitive ages imply this advantage at least, that they left him still but a sojourner in nature. When he was refreshed with food and sleep he contemplated his journey again. He dwelt, as it were, in a tent in this world, and was either threading the valleys, or crossing the plains, or climbing the mountaintops. But lo! men have become the tools of their tools. The man who independently plucked the fruits when he was hungry is become a farmer; and he who stood under a tree for shelter, a housekeeper. We now no longer camp as for a night, but have settled down on earth and forgotten heaven. We have adopted Christianity merely as an improved method of agri-culture."
Walden // economy
When did we begin overlooking the practical nature of the Kingdom? Supernatural. Yes, it is. But supernatural is natural for supernatural children of the King. We applaud the celebrity worship leader or the one with the healing ministry but overlook the church's accountant or the one who coordinates the dates of the feeding outreach.
We are not to find our identity in works, but are we not "God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do?" A large crowd gathers for the cause and the emotion, but few people commit to the preparation before the celebration or the cleanup after.
We all have dreams, but it takes a certain amount of courage to put motion to those imaginations; to ask others to come alongside the vision in a practical sense. It requires no sacrifice to invision the climactic fruition of the project. But, I truly believe the Kingdom is also in all the faithful planning leading up to that moment.
Dreams are powerful. They are overflowing with irrefutable promise to those who perceive the world through the lens of faith.
And we are responsible for the dreams our hearts are stirred toward; when we are impregnated in our spirits and trusted with a word that could potentially be fleshed out in the earth, or not, depending on the way in which it's carried.
May we resolve to live brave, dreaming lives. But may we also live supernaturally practical lives that meet the needs of the one right in front of us. Let's celebrate the way each one follows through on their commitments and meetings and stays on budget. Let's not overlook the small, practical sacrifices which snowball into a movement with momentum that reaches the world.
Perhaps there are many dreams in hearts, even tonight, which feel unattainable because there are so few who deem "practical" worth getting involved in. We don't have to let emotion decide what's worth doing. We are spirit-led beings.
The Kingdom is in the practical things you're doing; the small, but faithful choices you're making. I promise it is.
We speak
Becomes the house we live in.
Today my mom asked me why I wasn't happy, and I didn't have an answer. But, she's right, I'm not.
I think it's okay to admit that, though. In life, there are mountains, and there are valleys. I'm reminded of this every day– surrounded by the physical evidence of this truth.
No facade here. I'm in process. Today, I'm not happy, but I'll get there. I'm taking steps.
First being, getting off this damn computer. I'm going outside to plant my hobbit-size summer garden.
hwy 34.
today i drove down the winding canyon road and Big Thompson rode shotgun all the way.
a clean house
a happy heart
a deep sleep
be brave.
"Take me home."
Night Beds // Cherry Blossoms
dream on, dreamers.
I want to love my mom better.
I want to hug my dad daily.
I want to believe in my brother unwaveringly.
I want to support my sisters consistently.
I want to enjoy my grandma more frequently.
I want to believe what the Father says confidently.
I want to receive love.
I want to be free to love.
I want to live fearlessly.
I want peace in my soul.
I want health in my bones.
I want honor present in my family.
I want joy to be my companion.
I want my life to be an adventure.
I want to worry less.
I want to give more generously.
I want to care more selflessly.
I want to live more passionately.
I want to trust more vulnerably.
I want to lay hands on the sick and see them made whole.
I want to actually see heaven on earth through my life & other's.
I want to talk to people everywhere, in love, and leave them with a sense of their value to Jesus & myself.
I want to build a family that loves & honors well.
Love & fear are enemies.
They cannot occupy the same space.
-Danny Silk
Real life doesn't look like Instagram. The sooner we realize this, the easier it becomes to find contentment.
Social media is awesome, until it comes a tool of comparison; then it's a joy thief.
let it go
the smashed word
broke open vow
or the oath cracked length wise
let it go
it was sworn to go
let them go
the truthful liars
and the false fair friends
and the 'boths' and 'neithers'
you must let them go
they were born to go
let all go
the big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest
and all things
let all go dear
so comes love.
ee cummings
Oh that the atmosphere of Heaven would invade our every day, ordinarily supernatural lives! Ha! There's a shift in the seasons. There's a catalyst-type change being birthed; coming into the earth–the roots of which have been guarded and nurtured for years in the secret place. Light is dancing across that which has been hidden and tucked away in darkness. Joy has come with the dawn.
"Child, your night season has ended– the illusion of disappointment that said you were alone. All your tears have not gone unnoticed. Every groan of your soul is accounted for even now. They echo into eternity. No one wanted to come face to face with weeping, with mourning, with grieving. No one wanted to share in the anguish of My heart, but you stayed with me in the secret place. You asked to share in My cup. You've loved me in the valley, and now Daughter, you will join me in singing on the mountaintop. Songs of redemption, songs of bliss, and songs of rebirth will flow without having to be conjured up. This is your new normal."
May actual portals, entrances for heaven to invade, in supernatural realms be opened up in our lives spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Oh God, Your Kingdom doesn't function apart from community. Would you knit our hearts together? Would you set Sons and Daughters together in families that operate in the earth as Your Body?
I want to spend my life on you, Oh Lord.
I can't stop loving you with all of me.
"When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The 'worst' is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way…"
Oh, heart.
We're okay.
You know it?
We are.
You know how I know that?
Slow down and embrace the process. Life is not meant to simply be a means to an end.


text:
Poor White HTML version
After the success of his corn cutting machine and the apparatus for unloading
coal cars that brought him a hundred thousand dollars in cash, Hugh could not
remain the isolated figure he had been all through the first several years of his
life in the Ohio community. From all sides men reached out their hands to him:
and more than one woman thought she would like to be his wife. All men lead
their lives behind a wall of misunderstanding they themselves have built, and
most: men die in silence and unnoticed behind the walls. Now and then a man,
cut off from his fellows by the peculiarities of his nature, becomes absorbed in
doing something that is impersonal, useful, and beautiful. Word of his activities is
carried over the walls. His name is shouted and is carried by the wind into the
tiny inclosure in which other men live and in which they are for the most part
absorbed in doing some petty task for the furtherance of their own comfort. Men
and women stop their complaining about the unfairness and inequality of life and
wonder about the man whose name they have heard.
From Bidwell, Ohio, to farms all over the Middle West, Hugh McVey's name had
been carried. His machine for cutting corn was called the McVey Corn-Cutter.
The name was printed in white letters against a background of red on the side of
the machine. Farmer boys in the States of Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas,
Nebraska, and all the great corn-growing States saw it and in idle moments
wondered what kind of man had invented the machine they operated. A
Cleveland newspaper man came to Bidwell and went to Pickleville to see Hugh.
He wrote a story telling of Hugh's early poverty and his efforts to become an
inventor. When the reporter talked to Hugh he found the inventor so
embarrassed and uncommunicative that he gave up trying to get a story. Then
he went to Steve Hunter who talked to him for an hour. The story made Hugh a
strikingly romantic figure. His people, the story said, came out of the mountains
of Tennessee, but they were not poor whites. It was suggested that they were of
the best English stock. There was a tale of Hugh's having in his boyhood
contrived some kind of an engine that carried water from a valley to a mountain
community; another of his having seen a clock in a store in a Missouri town and
of his having later made a clock of wood for his parents; and a tale of his having
gone into the forest with his father's gun, shot a wild hog and carried it down the
mountain side on his shoulder in order to get money to buy school books. After
the tale was printed the advertising manager of the corn-cutter factory got Hugh
to go with him one day to Tom Butterworth's farm. Many bushels of corn were
brought out of the corn cribs and a great mountain of corn was built on the
ground at the edge of a field. Back of the mountain of corn was a corn field just
coming into tassel. Hugh was told to climb up on the mountain and sit there.
Then his picture was taken. It was sent to newspapers all over the West with
copies of the biography cut from the Cleveland paper. Later both the picture and
the biography were used in the catalogue that described the McVey Corn-Cutter.
The cutting of corn and putting it in shocks against the time of the husking is
heavy work. In recent times it has come about that much of the corn grown on

subset: commoncrawl


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At the same time, the masking should preserve the original storage format and overall field appearance so that the platform structure or application need not be altered. Masking all but the last four digits of a credit card or social security number with asterisks is a common requirement.
While DBAs can remove columns in tables, there are few alternatives for masking data in different ways across multiple databases and flat file sources.
With either IRI FieldShield -- or the SortCL program in the IRI CoSort package or IRI Voracity platform -- you can cover over: strings, field fragments, entire fields, and whole rows in your databases or files. Choose the type and start/stop locations of the masking characters. Determine whether to apply the redaction based on column names or field value conditions.
Built-in (or custom) character masking is only one available, non-reversible protection in IRI software. Others include randomization, external source pseudonymization, and possibly hashing. Reversible protections include encryption, encoding, de-ID, same-source pseudonymization, expression, and string functions.
SortCL users have the additional option to transform and report on data as they protect it. Both products are supported in the user-friendly GUI built on Eclipse. The IRI Workbench exposes and profiles multiple data sources, helps configure masking jobs, and manages the projects for team-sharing and compliance verification.


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Had a private ride guided by Adrianna, who is a wonderful host and very caring of her horses and the ranch and farm. I chose Salineras ranch for their responsiveness by email... read more
Staying at the Ranch.
Reconnect with mother earth, family, friends and...
Staying at the Ranch.
Reconnect with mother earth, family, friends and serenity.
At Salineras Ranch, the personal touch and hospitality by tradition is carefully blended with the quality of a fine personalized service. The true family welcomes you to the ranch.
We have the right horse for every guest from beginners to advanced riders. We also offer other activities in the Sacred Valley such as trekking tours, mountain biking tours and hiking, or photography, cooking, nutrition, coffee, tea and chocolate workshops. We even help you too to organize tours to renowned places around The Ranch such as Machu Picchu, Ollantaytambo, Pisaq, Chinchero, Maras, Moray or off course The Salt Mines.


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New concussion safety laws take effect
The new year is set to usher in many new laws, one of which will directly impact some in the Volunteer State.
A bill becomes law Wednesday that requires concussion training for all coaches and athletic directors at schools.
We've been telling you about the concerns with athletes who take hits to the head in football and other contact sports. Started January 1, 2014, Lieutenant Governor Ron Ramsey says staff must recognize the signs of concussions and take appropriate action with injured players.
"This is the first step," Ramsey told us. "I think if we do the proper training, that this will solve the problem and bring some recognition that there is a problem."
Health experts believe if concussions aren't treated properly, athletes could have more severe health problems later in life.


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Wednesday 24 May 2017
On 17 February 2012 the IASB and FASB will hold a round-table meetingon the proposals for investment entities in Toronto, Canada.
Round tables will also be held in:
For more information about the round table topics, please click here.
How to register
Round tables can accommodate a limited number of participants. Depending on the number of responses received, the boards may not be able to accommodate all requests to participate. Only one participant per organisation is permitted in each roundtable and no more than three observers from the same organisation may attend.
To register for the round tables as a participant or observer, please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.com with details of:
Please also state if you wish to attend as a participant or an observer.
In order to attend as a participant, the IASB or FASB must receive a comment letter from your organisation by the comment letter deadline (5 January 2012 for the IASB and 15 February 2012 for the FASB). However, comment letters are not always required from investors.
© IFRS Foundation.


text:
Federal politics may be in turmoil after the election result, but minority governments are common at the state and territory level and 10 have been formed with the support of independent and Green MPs over the past 11 years.
Such minority governments are not innately unstable and may be conducive to a policy and parliamentary reform agenda, says Griffith University professor Pat Weller.
Key factors that may determine the nature of the minority government include the leadership and personalities of those negotiating, the type of agreement ultimately negotiated with the cross-bench MPs and whether there is an acceptable agenda of clearly articulated, mutually supported policies.
The Opposition Leader, Mr Abbott, has suggested that the party receiving the highest number of votes should form a government.This may sway independent MPs but it does not hold any constitutional weight. "The only test is the numbers on the floor of the House," Professor Weller says.
In the past minority governments have been formed mostly by major parties which have held the highest number of seats, but not always. A NSW Parliamentary Library research paper by Gareth Griffith notes governments were formed in Tasmania in 1989, Victoria in 1999 and Western Australia in 2008 where the ruling party did not have more seats than any other party.
Former premier Steve Bracks, who was involved in a minority Labor government formed with the support of three cross-bench independents in 1999-2002, has given Ms Gillard advice following his experiences negotiating with independents.
Mr Bracks said the negotiations would take some time and recalled how the Victorian agreements took about a month.
Issues that were important to the independents when he was negotiating a minority government included the ability to offer a stable government, commitments to make parliamentary reforms and a recognition of mutual obligations and responsibilities.
In the end his government made crucial improvements to governance as a result of the agreement with the crossbench MPs, including more powers for the Auditor-General, fixed terms of parliament and reforms to the upper house.
In NSW, Nick Greiner led the Coalition to a landslide victory in 1988 but just three years later he was forced into minority government and to rely on the support of four independents. One, Tony Windsor, opted to back the government. The other three – John Hatton, Clover Moore and Peter Macdonald – negotiated a charter of parliamentary reform in exchange for their support. As part of that reform, fixed four-year terms and budget committees were introduced.
Other reforms identified by Mr Hatton were the sale of the state bank and the privatisation of Port Macquarie Hospital. He said the AAA rating was maintained throughout the term and budgets were passed without amendment.
Mr McDonald said the independents were very conscious of their responsibilities to support stable and productive government. "There were rumblings from the big end of town and the financial markets that the world might end so it was very important for us to show that the independents weren't out to make mischief."
He was adamant that the minority government was not a "do nothing" regime. "During the average parliamentary term, around 400 pieces of legislation get through and we managed 300 so it wasn't as if the independents were a huge handbrake."
But Garry West, a senior minister in charge of negotiating with the independents, said it was a very difficult process to get reforms through parliament.
"While there were improvements to the parliamentary system, it was a frustrating process," he said.
"It was extremely difficult to introduce legislation. Sometimes the independents would go into a vote not knowing what it was about. It was very difficult to do any real reform or planning. The reform agendas of different ministers never progressed because it was known how hard it would be to get them up."
Mr McDonald and Mr Hatton concede the workload was often hard to bear.
Mr Hatton urged the federal independents – Rob Oakshott, Tony Windsor and Bob Katter – to press for additional staff and resources.
"Being an independent during that time was hell on earth . . . there were never enough resources."
Western Australia endured weeks of horse-trading in 2008 following the state election which produced a hung parliament. The then Labor government was not able to form a majority and, with three independents supporting the Liberal opposition, Nationals state leader Brendon Grylls held the whip hand in negotiations with both major parties.
Mr Grylls and the party campaigned hard on its independent status and "winning royalties for regions" program, which legislates that 25 per cent of the mining royalty revenue be set aside for the bush.
Mr Grylls this week defended federal National MP Tony Crook – who won the seat of O'Connor from veteran Liberal Wilson Tuckey – and is part of the negotiations with Ms Gillard and Mr Abbott. Mr Crook is insisting that the federal government match the WA government's $850 million a year regional funding to win his support for any minority government.
The Australian Financial Review


text:
Green Chemistry for Environmental Remediation
Copyright © 2012 Scrivener Publishing LLC. All rights reserved.
Editor(s): Rashmi Sanghi, Vandana Singh
Published Online: 10 JAN 2012 08:52AM EST
Print ISBN: 9780470943083
Online ISBN: 9781118287705
About this Book
The book presents an in depth review from eminent industry practitioners and researchers of the emerging green face of multidimensional environmental chemistry. Topics such as green chemistry in industry, green energy: solar photons to fuels, green nanotechnology and sustainability, and green chemistry modeling address a wide array of iusses encouraging the use of economical ecofriendly benign technologies, which not only improve the yield, but also illustrates the concept of zero waste, a subject of interest to both chemists and environmentalists alike.


text:
Zainab Sajid is counted in the list of most distinguished and famous fashion designers in Pakistan fashion industry. She put her foremost step into the fashion industry by opening her own individual fashion brand with the name of AQUA from the House of Zainab Sajid. She mainly serves her customers in the category of casual wear, formal wear and semi formal wear.
Contact Number of Zainab Sajid: +92-321-2012000
Email Address of Zainab Sajid: [email protected]


text:
Marisa Suede Skirt Tan Women, Tan
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|Urban Survival Urban survival and disaster preparedness including hurricanes, earthquakes, floods and anything else.
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Attacked by dogs while running
Just a warning, this might be a lil drawn out, but please bare with me.
I'm a runner. I love to run. Not just for the health benefit, it also frees my mind and gives me time to think about stuff.
My normal, everyday run is about 4.5 miles. It starts at my home and goes about 2 miles down a huge hill and back up about 2 miles a different way. This used to be relaxing and invigorating. I always had to deal with the odd dog every now and then, but lately it's downright dangerous.
I was doing my normal run one day when what I think is a black lab/pit mix comes chasing after me. I immediately stop and turn to face the dog, which was pretty big. I had my Emerson knife on me, as I always do, but I was going to try and scare him off before I harmed it in any way. Sure enough, he stops, confused, and starts back home, Just as I turn to start running again he dashes at my legs and nips my ankle. Didn't break the skin or anything but I was in full combat mode from that point. I turned and picked up a chuck of concrete and hit that bastage right in the face. It ran off at that point. I went to the house that it ran to and knocked on the door but got no answer. So I finished my run.
After that I carried a stick on my runs. I went to my mom's house and cut me a sizable crape myrtle stick, about 3 feet long and an inch and a half thick. Any of you that are familiar with crape myrtles know that it is some sure enough hard wood.
The next time I ran my good friend the lab/pit mix was there waiting for me. I didn't slow up this time, just kept my normal pace and waited for him to get within range. When he did I spun and swung my stick, connecting with his face and laying him out cold. After a few moments he got up, mouth all bloody, and hobbled off back home. This was about two months ago and he hasn't chased me since.
I felt pretty happy with my stick, all in all. I carried it every time I ran and never had another issue until this past Sunday. As I was coming back up my hill a huge rottweiler looking dog comes bounding and snarling at me. I think I'm an old hand at stick-dog-fighting now so I just continue on and wait until he comes into range. When he does, I smack him on the head, hard. This just seems to **** him off and he lunges at me again. I've raised and handled large aggressive dogs all my adult life, and I had sense enough to know that I am now in a pretty craptastic situation. This dog had no give at all. He rushed me again and I dodged and hit him on the head so hard my stick broke. I had only about two feet of stick left, but now one end of it had a jagged point. As he snapped at me again I rammed the sharp end in his mouth like a spear. I could tell it was pretty deep and at that point he decided to call off his assault. I walk back home, all shaky from adrenaline, with my bloody, broken stick.
So, my question is this. Besides a firearm, has anyone used something, like pepper spray, maybe, that has proven effective in stopping dog attacks? There is a leash law in my town, but it's not enforced, so I don't think the situation is going to get any better. I do plan on attending my next city council meeting to tell them about my experiences.
Any suggestions?
|The Following 26 Users Say Thank You to Dante For This Useful Post:
At UPS school we were taught to hit aggressive dogs directly in the nose with a package. I have no idea if that would work with a dog that intent on doing you harm, though.
Could try something like bear spray, but then you have to worry about it drifting. TRUST ME, not pleasant.
Expandable baton, if you really like a stick that much. Bash a skull in fairly quick.
|The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Red31 For This Useful Post:
pepper spray will work.
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Too bad you have deal with this crap. I get madder at the owner than the dog myself.
After getting dragged off my bike one too many times by unrulely mutts I started packing Bear Spray. The stuff works like a charm. And my local Wally world even carries it. Not cheap....but worth it.
|The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to papajoscochise For This Useful Post:
I run with pepper spray. Most runners like to keep things light, I would find a stick or a baton annoying to carry on every run. Unrelated to jogging I have also stopped a dog attack with pepper spray and found it very effective.
Hubby carries an axe handle. I walk and I carry a collapsible baton.
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Use pepper spray. Even the cheap stuff works great on dogs sensitive noses. Will cause less harm to you and the dog.
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You did a very good job in both situations, with your confidence, calm and balanced reasoning of how to handle both dogs.
Strong pepper spray is sufficient to ward off most dog attacks, air horns are also useful. My very best tool is an electric cattle prod, it would take a beyond-extreme driven dog to ignore a cattle prod. The likelyhood of ever encountering a dog like that is slim-to-none.
With some dogs, sticks, non-debilitating bullets/pellets, pepper-spray, etc will only anger them and they will fight and bite harder, as you found out. But strong electric shocks and objects shoved down their throats are two things they simply cannot fight.
(below is advice for those reading this thread who may not be familiar with aggressive dogs)
There are classes for people to learn what to do when a dog attacks, what is right for one person is not what may be right for another person. Everyone, especially children, should learn what to do when a strange dog is around. People also need to learn a dog's weak spots, what you did with putting the stick down the animal's throat, that was excellent. Flanks, eyes, noses and inside the mouth are the most sensitive targets.
When I was 11 yrs old, I was attacked in my own yard by a rottweiler. An adolescent, un-neutered, untrained dog that spent most of his days on a chain in his yard...but that day the chain had broke and he wandered into my yard. He attacked me from behind without any logical provocation. Thankfully the dog had never been trained how to bite, he focused on what he could grab and rip first, which were my jeans, my jeans were shredded from bottom all the way up to the belt loops. Since the dog didn't know how to use his full mouth in a bite, his teeth just scraped and bruised me without biting into my flesh. Thankfully I knew what to do in a dog attack when I was knocked to the ground, which is stay faced down and cover my neck with my hands and not make a sound. The dog stopped the attack when I didn't react, by that time both the dog's drunk owner and my dad had heard his snarls and came out to investigate.
People need to learn how to read the dogs' whole body language, so many people think that if a dog is wagging it's tail it means it's friendly...and so many people get bitten this way.
Learning about dog bite training and watching the training of protection dogs is an excellent way to learn a part of the canine language and different types of drives, nerves and temperaments in dogs and how to handle each of those types.
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Sticks work good on dogs, as long as the stick works. It is surprising how the strongest of sticks and newest of shovels break, at the wrong time, or when you miss and hit the ground.
Longer sticks can be better. A dog may not even see it coming. They'll see a shovel, but an 8+ foot stick can smack them while they're focused on you. It's funny when they look around confused. LOL
Nothing like a sneak attack from a snarling dog, to get an old guy's adrenline dangerously high. Very dangerous. Wish I could control that.
Never had spray on hand to try.
Fourtunately, I never had a physical encounter with the larger breeds. One would have to be on their game to fight an 90+ pound, determined, aggressive dog. Not a good place to be at all.
Mutiple dogs seem to follow their leader, but I would not take that to the bank.
|The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kajunman1 For This Useful Post:
Rotties the biggest meanest sissies on the planet here is an example, my Rommel
|The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to fido0311 For This Useful Post:
attacked by dogs while running
well first of all I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I used to work for a large courier company and one day I was in this womans house picking up a package and her Malmute at about 120 plus pounds tried to make lunch out of me.
well this woman did'nt help me at all and just screamed so I fell out the door backwards and grabbed the screen door and slammed it on his head and he released my arm . it messed me up around dogs for sometime. I grew up with a German sheppard and my buddies have pit bulls.
I had a Coyote come at me last year and now I carry a full size American made ASP baton. I don't trust sprays and my buddy is a postman and he swears by pepper spray but my lookout is if some dog is going to bite me for no reason I;m going to bash his teeth out of his or her mouth. PERIOD.
don't buy a cheap chinese copy and suffer with the weight or go buy Bear spray. the big can and carry that so you have a fighting chance. it was a little tramatizeing to say the least and I'm no suck either . the pressure from the big dog clamping down on my arm was something else.
a buddy of mine got chased by a German Sheppard a while ago and it got his ankle . the next time he walked by that home in the country he told me he had a cocked and locked 45acp loaded with 230Gr fmj rounds but the dog just looked at him and did'nt come off the porch . that dog would have been toast . get an ASP you could get chewed bad.
|The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to cement head For This Useful Post:
But honestly your right in saying hitting him just made him mad, they are tough dogs. They are resistant to pain more so than most any other dog. They were bred for war and moving cattle, a very old breed. But their noses are very sensitive I have seen people use vinegar in a spray bottle to stop rotties in a full blown dog fight with each other (they get in fights too, not the human sanctioned BS) and they stped cold and started sneezing and coughing
|The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to fido0311 For This Useful Post:
when i run i carry a baton asp, i will not have to worry about it breaking on a dogs head.
Think I'm gonna try the pepper spray tact. I have some police buddies - maybe they can get me some of the good stuff.
The only experience I have with it was when my wife was given some pepper spray on a key chain. It said to give it a quick trial spray to make sure it worked. Well, I did. Only problem was I was eating a hot dog at the time and the stuff must have carried in the wind, because the next bite of that hot dog set my lips on fire. By the way - water doesn't help. Trust me!
I'll still carry a stick, though (maybe a tad longer and a bit thicker). I'm just used to running with one now. The collapsible baton would be great for striking, but if I had to jab with it - as I did before - it seems like it would, well, collapse.
|The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dante For This Useful Post:
I've found that if a dog comes running at you the best defense is a good offensive.
Run toward it yelling and screaming and wailing your arms, I guarentee 95% of the mutts will turn tail and run like hell away from you.
For the other 5% you'd better be ready to inflict some serious damage.
Avoid head shots to the dog because some breeds have incredibly thick skulls. A guy in my city once stuck a pit bull with an axe full force on the head an the damn thing kept coming.
The vital targets on dogs are their noses(which are loaded with nerve endings), eyes, throat and paws.
Yes paws. Have you ever noticed that even the biggest dog you've seen have small paws with lots of little, delicate bones. A good, hard stomp on those babies will cruch those little bones.
Then the owner will have to choose between vet bills and their crystal meth habit.
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Rotts and others like them are like people on PCP. You can do everything you can to them and it may do nothing more than **** them off.
When you get the spray make sure you get the kind that shoots the stream and not the mist as that will get you as well if the wind is wrong.
Can you chest carry a small pistol in case that is your last alternative?
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Like hitting a shark in the beak -- lefty taught me that -- pepper spray --
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The ongoing saga of terror continues impacting southern regions of Thailand. The southern region of this nation is mainly inhabited by Muslims while the overwhelming majority of people are of the Buddhist faith. Terrorists ambushed monks and bombed police stations. The Muslims claim their rights have been ignored for years and demand to have their voices be heard.
It always fascinates me how those claiming to have rights violated, particularly their religious demands, resort to attacking religious figures on the other side. One would hope if religious freedom is an issue that religious leaders in the opposing side will not be hurt. At the heart of all great religions is a belief in the sanctity of religion and the belief in avoiding killing the innocent. Southern Muslim terrorists continue ignoring this important ideal.


text: The M202 FLASH wiki last edited by Giantstalker on 05/21/14 06:25PM View full history DescriptionThe M202 FLASH is a four-tube Thermobaric rocket launcher, essentially throwing napalm at the enemy. It is filled with four 66mm incendiary rockets, the same caliber as the anti-tank M72 LAW. The M202 FLASH is perhaps most famous as the rocket launcher used by Arnold Schwarzenegger's character, John Matrix, in the 1985 action movie Commando.In GamesGames with this weapon often use a high explosive rocket or even a guided missile instead of its actual ammunition; while inauthentic, this often makes it a more powerful and versatile rocket launcher.Some games only use its general shape, or a modernized design in titles such as Far Cry and Soldier of Fortune.M202A2 FlashIn Soldier of Fortune, the M202 A2 is an explosive and anti tank weapon.The weapon is able to fire one round at a time or all the rockets at once. RLX 9157In Far Cry, the weapon is named the RLX 9157.It can launch one rocket per second, using clips of 4 at a time, comes with a mounted scope for sighting. AT 420 SentinelIn some James Bond games the launcher is called AT 420 Sentinel; in Nightfire, the weapon can launch inaccurate rockets and the secondary function is a player-guided missile.


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Virginia Code 18.2-108: Receiving, etc., stolen goods
Current as of: 2016 | Check for updates | Other versions
A. If any person buys or receives from another person, or aids in concealing, any stolen goods or other thing, knowing the same to have been stolen, he shall be deemed guilty of larceny thereof, and may be proceeded against, although the principal offender is not convicted.
B. If any person buys or receives any goods or other thing, used in the course of a criminal investigation by law enforcement that such person believes to have been stolen, he shall be deemed guilty of larceny thereof.
Code 1950, § 18.1-107; 1960, c. 358; 1975, cc. 14, 15; 2008, c. 578.