text:
"Fall Down"
Author, Billy Oxkidd
Date version, MARCH 14E, 2017
Notice of Copyright
Author: Billy Oxkidd
Copyright, 2017,
Library of Congress,
Reg. Numbers,
Txu 1-890-390,
Txu 1-928-502,
Txu 1-938-823
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Many decades earlier during my second decade of youth, now in antiquity of lifetimes, I fall down, somehow mysteriously psychologically inducted into some paralleling societal structure of alcohol saturated lifestyle status, encompassed by my mysterious psychological wounding, totally emotionally disconnected from society, emotionally alone, and consumed within impossible drift of purpose. My daily dynamics of day in and day out status quo, badly psychologically wounded, free of my past, however still remaining untenably locked within influences of such now defunct past, myself futilely living within a flux of no mans land, surrounded by debris of my past. Regardless of how hard I searched and how desperately I pined for societal re-entry inclusion, no escaping possible from my psychological emotional societal isolation for the next ten years, as no path back into societal structure inclusiveness existing for me, however until My Girl Jenny's arrival into my badly beaten life. The matters portrayed herein these writings, my youthful falling down decent, my nomadic psychological and emotional societal isolation from full societal inclusion, my resultant alcohol destroyed body and the unique roll "My Girl Jenny" played in facilitating my rebirth and returning my life back within the societal fold and its fruits thereof.
"Fall Down", portraying my youthful descent into my ten years societal isolation, and resultant relationship with alcohol during my second decade of youth, and my eventual self sponsored alcohol redemption, however alas to late, previously having crossed a line of no return, "alcohol's dead man's line", Liver Cirrhosis. "My five decades odyssey begins in a large metropolitan area just north of the 49th parallel in Eastern North America during the earliest 1960s and onwards, remaining to this day completely outside of all societal medical address impute throughout such five decades tenure.
My actual historical manifested examples placing some actual faces on Alcohol's Slavery and resultant Alcohol Induced Liver Cirrhosis. In last resort in self-defence of life, feebly at first in 1977, myself isolated and abandoned by the medical community of my day, unable to properly defend myself against alcohol's sponsored brutality aftermath, doing by myself what insignificantly little could be done by my solely meagrely employing my intellectual tools, Observation, Contemplation, Hypotheses, Experiment, Trial and Philosophical Insight, thus ultimately developing my understandings of alcohol's insidiously sponsored slavery.
Billy Oxkidd, "Fall Down", Memoir, offering differing salient perspectives of complicity ownerships within occurred circumstances and maters dealt with herein. Each such own individual threads of complicity as viewed and experienced over four decades, weaving through "Fall Down". Amongst those many of such complicit threads, each such unrelated to each other, however connected to each other by common circumstances. One of the most truly egregious of such complicity threads, the pervasive systemic universal medical community failures exacted upon myself through four decades, failure to engage, material medical abandonment, failed medical training, professional arrogance, summary dismissal and professional indifference.
The needless resultant suffering exacted upon my sensibilities of person over these four decades in question, now irrelevant to myself, as the past now long gone, myself contented moving into the future. However if such failures having occurred to myself within my experiences, others yet to follow, certainly reasonably expecting such similar. This in not any particular indictment, but my recounting of experienced pervasive comfortable status quo medical failures. Any party interested in ferreting out their own interpretations of such perceived pervasive medical failures requiring in depth severe and open minded scrutiny of "Fall Down" and all other available writings Authored by, Billy Oxkidd.
Spawned by Fall Down, doors within my previous station in life, previously ordained as open to me, all now suddenly slamming shut, closed, and barred to me forever more into my future, I was now irrevocably changed for all time into perpetuity. However new doors belonging to very differing destinies immediately blasting open to me as I am helplessly set adrift within and amongst my newly manifesting destinies, such destinies themselves I never previously suspected as even existing. Such new destinies now in full control of my future manifestations of life possibilities, capturing me helplessly within and under complete influence and control. Such newly manifested destinies positively emancipating me, beckoning me forwards by unmasking areas of life's endeavours previously unimagined as even existing, however such new destinies also including my resultant alcohol societal lifestyle, societal isolation, and psychological societal detachment, all such tentacles endless competing at the very same times for my total, and obedient compliance.
"Fall Down", this story in itself of noble uplifting triumph within my five decades Odyssey, My Girl Jenny uniquely the only girl in all eternity capable of impacting my tumultuous four decades ostracized societal exclusion. As without My Girl's impacting within my life of her presence, decency and commitment, my most immediate probable outcome, solely rack and ruin and most certain imminent demise existing for me. Earlier in times during my youth I am bending under seminal events, events all-mortal things bending before or for certain destroyed, and from seminal event's cooling ashes, I emerge very different and diametrically changed, now born at such seminal moments, my solitudes, my unbridgeable chasm of disconnect from society, my expulsion from societal membership, my comradely relationship with alcohol, my paralleling societal lifestyle and my five thousand days societal ostracizing all now born at those very moments so long ago.
Two Lives, Two Solitudes
Fate matching both solitude intensities, and in such process a rebirth of both lives. Throughout my preceding ten years of societal emotional isolation, not withstanding the profound intensity of my endless pursuits and trials in searching for some path back to within societal exclusiveness, never existing such path back for me, such path back solely only possible through this one person's solitude of self, "My Girl" Jenny, as no other path ever existing for me.
If not so fortunately blessed by "My Girl Jenny's" entry into my badly beaten life, arranged by randomness of fate, this wonderful gifting to me from Humanity itself, my life certainly many decades earlier shortly thereafter expiring. "My Girl Jenny", such wonderful produce of Humanity, this one and only person in all creation with propensity within herself capably matching the intensity depth of my own solitude, "My Girl Jenny" solely capable of bridging my path back from inescapable emotional societal isolation purgatory into my full societal inclusiveness, redeeming both lives through such accomplishment. As chapters herein unfolding, a demonstration of the depths from which I was extracted by "My Girl" Jenny's presence within my life, such extraction raising me up, accessible to all of societal fruits, including our both shared good lives, long lives, contented lives, such union betwixt both so profoundly intense, not even death potent in severing, solely "My Girl Jenny", this one girl in all eternity possessing some indefinable elixir within her being of self, in absence of which, my life so long ago inexorably certainly soon expiring.
It is during my late teen years, now in the antiquity of my lifetime, I fall down, some dramatic societal changing of my previous somewhat naive youthful lifestyle demeanor, such previously incorporated idealism and decency as one of my pillar core values. This societal change of lifestyle involving a total collapsing of my previously highly held visceral belief stemmed from my wonderfully simple and uplifting youthful idealism of naivety, existing a propensity of decency itself within all others, such my indisputable guiding core value of society itself.
When in fact existing those amongst ourselves whom neither understand such concept of decency, nor having a capacity to subscribe to its core values These morally failed persons eagerly taking advantage of the openness in others, employing deceit and stealth in achieving selfish ends, as falsely believing that opportunity bestowing special intrinsic rights, as opposed to knowing and understanding the differences and then acting morally appropriately.
My such previously embraced expectation, decencies core values pervasively existing within society and throughout its membership thereof, ultimately turning out in reality as only existing through the eyes of my naive idealism, such possessed either by fools or by youth itself. Nevertheless such decency and my personal commitment to such concept of decency surviving intact throughout all my subsequent decades and throughout all yet coming and passing, however surviving without my foolish long past idealism of my youth.
Times then the early 1960s, a young mans second decade of youth, a fall down collapse of such young man's nobility, youthful idealism, such collapsing the predatory produce casualty of some unmatched contest betwixt such young mans youthful decency and the morally failed other, such young man's youthful idealism proving easy vulnerable predacious pickings. Such young man, myself previously blinded and restrained by such youthful naivety, rendering me without defence against such scheme and predatory onslaught conduct. My youthful naive idealism solely the province of fools and youth, myself subsequently consumed within some apocalyptic conflagration, save solely my personal decency of character, compassion and dignity of person, and from conflagration's cooling ashes I emerge as some very different and forever diametrically changed young man.
Such apocalyptic conflagration mortals bending before or certainly destroyed, now born at such fall down seminal moment of youth's fragility, my alcohol comradely enslavement, my solitude, and my fifteen years tenure of societal isolation. Subsequently forever puzzling to me, my Intellectual questioning of "conflagration" origin manifested drivers, as my pragmatic personal demeanor fully in good control, myself not particularly pined or overly troubled by just aforementioned precipitating events, however perhaps such un puzzling of answer to be found laying somewhere within my "Primal Intellect itself". My personal, very internal private psychological demenor dramatically altered, but my societal outward demeanor appearing totally unaffected and unaltered, with absolutely no outward demeanor telegraphing my such internally private matters.
Doors and expectations within my station in life, previously ordained as open to me, all now suddenly slamming shut, closed and barred to me forever more into my future. My personal demeanor of self, now irrevocably changed for all time into perpetuity. However new doors belonging to very differing destinies immediately blasting open, such complete life-changing trajectories capturing me helplessly within and under complete control. Such new destinies now fully controlling my life, newly emancipating destiny relentlessly beckoning me forwards, unmasking areas of life's endeavours previously unimagined by me, however such also including my alcohol bondage and my resultant societal estrangement, its numerous tentacles all-competing for my total subservient and obedient compliance.
At such seminal moments of my youthful fragility my societal cohesion fragments into disassociating societal pieces, such as my alcohol comradely enslavement, my psychological solitude and my ten years societal exclusion isolation. When fully immersed in my variant societal alcohol lifestyle, I am a single male, heavy smoker, and heavy daily and nightly user of alcohol, insatiably searching for that which will not exist for me. My daily activities totally immersed within my inappropriate societal alcohol lifestyle and my fruitless pursuits of mirages and fogs of comradely, actively living vigorously and enthusiastically within my own such paralleling lifestyle, as compared to that of societies normal lifestyle.
Philosophical surrogates within my native possession were indispensably advantageous to myself, as only philosophical wings capable of carrying me from the brutality of societal abandonment into my rebirth. Philosophical surrogates uniquely capable of illuminating my passage through some never before experienced fog of endless inescapable abyss. My such philosophical allies faithfully serving me during my drift through minefields contained within my nebulous daily abyss, by illuminating unknown possibilities, directing appropriate responses, deciphering the perplexing and proposing forwards movement strategies to me, very fortuitous indeed my possessing such personal access to such virtual philosophical surrogates. If not for my readily accessible philosophical beacons, both throughout isolations of my own creation and subsequently the isolation sponsored by the unfortunate and egregious falling down of medical communities them selves, it was highly unlikely my successful emasculating redemption of alcohol slavery along with my resultant broken body could ever have been successfully achieved.
My understandings, the powers possessed by Philosophy, as novel and original thought provoking ways of looking at and interpreting the world around our selves. Philosophy, capable of unmasking, those in plain sight, however never ourselves seen understanding of life's most nebulous, darkest and never before seen corners of life's perplexing circumstances, somewhat similar to a road map of some place where we have never before been, this map revealing the existence of some available path, such path never before seen nor even suspected by ourselves as previously existing.
Philosophical contemplating exploration cannot have those simplistic answers we directly seek, however philosophical insights can expose our apprised understandings of existing such answers and possibilities ourselves never previously suspecting as even existing. As a direct result of such virtual theoretical philosophical knowledge existing, intern enabling ourselves, forming our own intellectual intents in accomplishing such previously unknown and hereto-undoable deeds. In addition my relying on many other surrogates throughout my complex, isolated odyssey, all such Surrogates identifying themselves from times to times throughout these writings, all such serving me valiantly and with my deepest gratitude, as in their absence stead, existing only rack, ruin, doom, and despair of lost possibilities.
Virtual Baskets
Employing a "Virtual Philosophical Baskets" strategy for purposes of unmasking my understandings of the opaque, if such things in fact can exist, and not just pointless pontificating, as such philosophical genre viscerally and psychologically indispensable to my understandings of my mysterious perplexing challenges posed by my past association with alcohol. During my laying down of this Philosophical Genre entry I was encompassed within an inescapable impossible doom with no escape appearing possible. Existing no conception at such times of any possibility of my passage forward from my brutal daily and nightly plethora of inhuman symptoms, as such understandings not yet existing and future prospects for any emergence of such understandings highly improbable.
Deeply encompassed, my reaching very deeply down within myself, extracting such virtual philosophical surrogates for buttressing and bridging my total isolation absence of understandings of encompassing matters. Studiously taking each philosophical enlightening lesson from such surrogate counsel in buttressing my hopeless, helpless hell of having no defensive knowledge to in any way defend myself. Personal access to my Virtual philosophical surrogates, synonymous with enlightenment and hope by psychologically faithfully serving me in place of all absent humane knowledge.
But in all fairness, without our passing through yesterday, we cannot arrive at today and for myself, without the vacancies of yesterdays absent knowledge, today most likely never arriving. Philosophical surrogates themselves serving me with distinction and compassion during my darkest of times, during my absolute infinite void of trauma knowledge, such philosophical surrogates serving by providing me with beacons and paths to future dominion over my absent knowledge itself. Throughout my entire life, similarly the case circumstances of each and all others of ourselves, being each of ourselves essentially equally equivalent in opportunities and challenges, impacting our own lives for as long as we are alive.
In the interests of better explaining of such concept of equalities between our selves, for purpose of illustration, if artificially creating a virtual entity in the form of some non-existing, "Virtual Basket" to aiding in such describing of such hypotheses of equalities of opportunities impacting each and all of ourselves. By each of ourselves virtually placing our own individual perceived and non-perceived abilities, opportunities, lucky breaks, betrayals, challenges, shortcomings, successes, and accomplishments into our own such individual "Virtual Basket". Even though the items comprising the content of each of our own such individual "Virtual Basket" are essentially equal in virtual total values, nevertheless each such equal virtual content within each and every individual such "Virtual Basket" being totally comprised of a completely different assortment mix of contents combinations, in time frames and in non perceived opportunities and challenges, etc., etc.
My basic understanding regarding my theory on equal "Virtual Baskets", being regardless of the random subject matters contained within each individual "Virtual Basket", our perceptions of our own individual "Virtual Basket" in comparisons with the "Virtual Baskets" of others will usually range in our thinking, somewhere between more or less positive than others, negative, better, worst, just, unjust, victimized, or an envy of other's such baskets, etc., etc. For the sake of argument, all such "Virtual Baskets" are essentially of equal values, and total comparative values when measuring each of our own "Virtual Basket's" against all other such "Virtual Baskets". However even though each individual such "Virtual Basket" being deemed to be of essentially equal value, each such "Virtual Basket's" content shall be randomly totally different, as compared against all other such baskets. As further examples, we all bleed from time to time, only perhaps at different times throughout our lives.
Some of us shall cry at 20, some of us shall cry at 60, and some perhaps shall never cry at all. Some of us will perceive success early on in life, others later on in life, and some may never perceive such success at all. Some of us shall be faced with enormous challenges of one thing or another, and some of us will be faced by challenges very different. Some of us will experience betrayal early on in life, some will experience betrayal late in life, and some shall never experience betrayal over entire lives. Some of us will perceive personal experienced injustices some shall never perceive such injustices.
Some will feel victimized, some never perceived as victim, some born at birth with certain skills others given different talents at birth. The different possible combinations of content subject matters expressions within all different such "Virtual Baskets", truly infinite, but firmly believing, if individually honestly viewed and evaluated, each individual such "Virtual Basket", essentially equal to all others in overall virtual comparable value. The only characteristic not being equal between all such "Virtual Baskets", our responses we make or fail to make in regards to our own personal dealings with our own contents contained within each of our own personal "Virtual Baskets".
It is therefore our individual responsibilities that we each do our best in responding to our own allotted circumstances contained within each of our own individual "Virtual Baskets". Protocol understandings governing such "Virtual Baskets", dictating, it is not only the randomized circumstances contained within individual Baskets, producing the manifested result in each of our lives, but also in each case circumstance it depends on what we do or failed to do as individuals, attaining each such result. We all suffer throughout life in one-way or another, despair, successes, we all experience exhilarations and failures in life, however in differing ways and at differing times. Nothing is perfect or absolute, and there can be from time to time, occurrences of unfair tragic disparity in individual case circumstances. But however for the overwhelming most part, my firm belief in the existence of this equality between all our such "Virtual Baskets".
For these reasons I have no regrets in regards to any perceived negative circumstances or injustices, either spawned by my own actions or spawned by the actions of others and visited upon self. This is the way it is in the real world, the way it having always been, all individuals equally facing such challenges of equal value, of one kind or another, at one time or another. The past is the past, life is life, regret is irrelevant, we all face essentially the same, nobody gets everything they want in life, and there are things, each of us could have done better. A Philosophical lessons well taken by me, whether I perceive it or not, we all suffer and we all bleed in one way or another, at one time or another, and there is no way back to that past for any of us, as the past can no longer now exist, and therefore there is no room for regrets for some long ago now vacant and hollow spent past to occupy my present, thus getting on with my life, and grateful for life's gifting of my passages onwards into life and my new future.
Excruciatingly brutally wounded, the spawn of fall down, such psychological wounding cloaking my primal matters, internally psychologically severing me from societal inclusion, disconnecting, and eviscerating my societal cohesion. I drive hundreds of miles in no particular directions, to no particular places, as total exhaustion my only prize, and upon my claiming such prize, my retiring exhausted to my layer and merciful sleep. My debilitating metamorphosis's driven psychological control enslaved many times responsible for my personally recognized egregious automobile road conduct transgressions, by my occupying all available driving lanes, my own lane as well as all others, drifting through sharp high speed curves, nevertheless when occurring I would immediately intellectually severely scold by dressing down myself, even as such events are still in progress. Intellectually scolding my self, in essence, what right have I got involving some innocent non-involved road partner? Throughout all matters, I would maintain full and strong intellectual control over my life actions, even though metamorphosis is controlling my primal psychological life. My detached societal separation during these times, best appraised, as myself standing alone on the moon, and alone looking back at earth, pining for some bridging of the vastness of unbridgeable chasm between earth and moon.
Nature's Boreal Cathedral
Psychologically decimated, my fall down societal detached, and unbridgeable chasms separating me from all society, alone, detached, and devoid of societal inclusion purpose, I perused the only comfort I then knowing, solace this day of endless day's, embraced by Natures great boreal cathedral, "Wilderness". This day, late winter, early spring day, sun shining, sky blue and mostly no wind, My floundering without purpose this day, days, of days as I proceed to such semantic, cathedral, "Wilderness", two hours hence driving time. Now it very early spring, snow still knee deep on the bush road that I must use in accessing a cabin I know of within Natures such cathedral, Wilderness. The lake still covered by solid ice, its shoreline area, a little open water. I trudge the knee-deep mile long bush road on foot, the forest is dead quiet, not even a breeze penetrating its protected quiet calm.
Trudging this bush road my thinking processes begin idling, all is dead quiet, save, sounds of dripping sun melt water and a momentary yapping passing crow. I eventually arrive at such destination on foot, the ice covered lake that I must cross, open water around its shoreline. I decide it better going around its shore, not risking open water, alone and on foot. I start working my way around, up and down Natures "Cathedral's" terrain, rugged, quiet, absence of all sound, and eventually crossing a swampy area atop a long beaver dam. Natures "Cathedral" of even greater majesty then my remembering, such "Cathedral's" solitude, solitude wilderness not yet defiled by the snowmobile, such still not invented and unavailable in the market place, such "Cathedral", welcoming, accepting, and incorporating my own solitude within and as a part of its own majestic solitude. My solitude and Natures cathedral's majestic solitude, all now fusing as one and the same, shortly after I arrive at my cabin destination, such cabin encompassed and embraced within Natures magnificent boreal "Cathedral", Solitude.
The sun is hot for early spring, the day not overly warm, this day truly magnificent as I am passing my idle time work on a small wooden row boat, manoeuvring such boat onto the small wooden dock, dock still encased within winters gripping ice, time passing, time idling, working on this boat. The sun is bright, it is warm working in its light, no sounds at all, all remaining dead quiet, a quiet without end. Hour's passing, the quiet is deafening, save only sounds from time to time of a passing breeze swishing through the pine needles of the pine trees, all day long, whispering, whispering, endlessly whispering. A sounding of thunder this sunny spring day, I look up but seeing nothing, perhaps it's only the booming of the ice from the heating by the sun this magnificent day. My thinking processes endlessly idling, painfully idling in all absence of sound stimulus, such absence of sound stimulus probing, cajoling, and engaging my youthful primal thoughts matters.
Absence of sound, primal stimulus, and solitude accomplishing this day, that previously impossible, as my viscerally, nebulously sensing, some recognizable significant shifting of my encompassing matters this day from Natures magnificent boreal "Cathedral's" compassionate granting gift of "Solitude" this day. Such Natures magnificent granted gift this day, an only sanctuary in all eternity, embracing, coupling and entwining its benevolent union within a young mans impossible solitude. Nature's such gifting relationship this day, ennobling such young life adrift this magnificent day. A young man's such fragile life now apprised of Natures prowess, its incalculable gift of sanctuary this day, subsequently insatiably to be repeatedly sought after, as if for not, what shall have been written?
Anonymous Solace
I am reeling and floundering under conflagration's impossible weight, I am totally alone and lonely at the same times, both alone and lonely very different from each other and both simultaneously present. I am psychologically emotionally disconnected from my surrounding world, no semblance of societal cohesion, connection or societal inclusion, other than participating within society from distant disconnected vantage points. Under such intense duality circumstances of twinning societal isolations, I keenly crave lost societal interaction, as even superficial social interaction sufficing at these times. During such potent initial metamorphosis driven expression circumstances, I insatiably seek emotional psychological societal interactions wherever such to be found, even superficial interactions are important within my eviscerated emotional desert, as such superficial interactions significantly going a long, long way in superficially filling my deeply depleted emotional reservoir.
Often I find myself superficially attaching myself to totally unknown gatherings of strangers and usually in default of invitation, wherever and whenever my finding such social gatherings, by my posing as perhaps a friend of a friend participating in the activities at hand within such groupings of strangers, everybody socially drinking, and depending on the ebbing and flowing of activities, my again parting company with such groupings of strangers, somewhat solaced by such oasis of strangers, figuratively speaking. Example of such temporary superficial social bonding, quite similar in many ways to the stray dog or cat, we have all experienced, such creatures arriving into our lives from nowhere, perhaps intermingling and rubbing on us and then disappearing as fleetingly as arriving.
Fall down's most debilitating psychological period endures one year further, perhaps a little more, hard to exactly say, my debilitating primal psychological intrusion ends between one particular twenty-minute window in time. My walking across some non consequential threshold for no particular purpose or reason, my debilitating detached psychological intrusion is fully present, however twenty minutes later after some short social visit of no significant consequence, my again crossing such same threshold, however now debilitating detached psychological intrusion completely vanished, recognizable this moment as if walking into the summer heat from some air conditioned room, no mistaking the change, such sudden dramatic change, truly puzzling to me then and now.
During my alcohol saturated years I am living completely immersed within alcohol, completely outside of all normal societal structured frameworks, living within my own separately created variation of paralleling societal lifestyle. My variant lifestyle serving my own particular needs very well during those times, when a societal normal lifestyle can do nothing for me. So great and for so long having been my ten years societal isolation, denying my societal inclusion access participation and resultant fruits of societal membership within societies structural order, I remained aimlessly trapped adrift within such absence of societal structure.
My original psychological needs now no longer relevant in my life, such original needs lost within passages of time within fogs of antiquity, and long past the times when prudently I should have philosophically initiated my exiting back into a more normal societal lifestyle. My paralleling societal lifestyle's dynamics still well entrenched, still hobbling me within its gripping opportunity, hobbling me as if I were a twig in a swollen river, the twig unable to set or to change its own course, the raging river providing all direction and momentum, such now my fate.
Two years now pasting since my mysterious psychological fall down sponsored induction into some paralleling societal structure status, still encompassed by my such mysterious psychological wounding, totally emotionally disconnected and emotionally alone, and consumed within impossible drift of purpose. My daily status quo dynamics, day in and day out, isolated and disconnected drift of my life, myself badly psychologically wounded, free of my past, however still remaining untenably locked within the influences of my now defunct past. I am futilely living within the flux of my no mans land, surrounded by the debris of my past. I recognize that if allowing myself to linger unimpeded within my present no man's land status; within the debris of my past, I will not survive and will be irrevocably lost. Myself keenly aware that forced status quo changing of my present drift of life is desperately required. Realizing my putting the cat amongst the pigeons in a manor of speaking, as my only hope of salvation laying within some new future, requiring the abandoning of my current life along with its no man's land status shadows from my dead vacant past life.
My societal cohesion fully destroyed, I am now in poor position, for many understandably good reasons, unable re-establishing such societal cohesion between society and myself in general. I remain nomadic with lair, however without home, as home being not a domicile of roof and mortar, but a visceral encompassing place where roots may exist and grow, a place where the heart is content, a place where the soul is enriched, and a place where emotional contentment may dwell, such home non existent to me. Daily nomadically living within my societal vacuum desert on the fringes of society, absence of home, absence of societal cohesion, I remain deeply wounded, my life fragmented, acquaintanceship isolated, societal root structures destroyed. Ultimately finding myself fully immersed within my new societal disconnect and variant alcohol lifestyle, "Conflagration's" intensity and potency remaining truly excessively extreme, however my outer display of self stoically continuing functioning seamlessly throughout all decades yet to come and then fleetingly pass.
My subculture's potency, my fragmented life structure, my heavy alcohol use, my self-ostracizing, my life solely existing on the outer perimeters of society, all such intensities somewhat moderating over the eons in time, however all still remaining potently present and there is nothing I can do about this. My lifestyle is not only negatively habituating to my life, however conversely also positively habituating by spawning desirable trappings of novelty, excitement and true adventure in my current life, to some significant degree comforting my intense internal societal craving needs. My paralleling societal life is not only considered societal abnormal by me, but also by society itself, if ever widely exposed as existing. My new lifestyle demeanour is comprised of extremes, of limitless freedoms, of high adventure, and of continuous optimisms presenting few bounds for me. I remain adrift deeply deprived of societal inclusion, such societal membership inclusion that most others taking for granted. However I have no way of getting back within the normal society family. And so without choice and without option, I daily insatiably pursue mirages of emotional societal inclusion, myself endlessly attending social bright light social venues, drinking bars and clubs in search of my absent comradely.
Daily living completely within my paralleling societal subculture alcohol lifestyle, myself credibly appearing to all observers, totally unaffected by my excessive alcohol conduct. Indulging in my daily alcoholic activities, executing my own interest needs, while attending at many different public social venues of my own choosing. Some such social venues of my interests, separated by considerable geographical distances each day, during my never ending perpetual searching for activities of my fancy and the comradely available at such venues. The kinds of alcohol I usually consume, Amber types of Rum, Beer, and sometimes Schnapps, but never, ever wines of any kind, true even when hung over, no liquor or beer available, still at such times I will never touch any available wine.
Those considered as societal normal people, not credibly believing or capable of comprehending the amounts of alcohol that I routinely daily consumed. My routine daily consumption of Alcohol during my third, five-year trimester, of virtual three trimesters, involving at minimum, some 40/50 oz. of liquor daily, and perhaps a minimum one dozen beers, seven days a week, such without hiatuses, layoffs or hesitations interrupting such consuming of alcohol. My alcohol consumption during the first, and second of these three, five-year trimesters, perhaps half less, as indicated in my final third five-year trimester. The staggering amounts of alcohol consumed by me, without embellishment, accurately representing the material facts at hand. I was also always disciplined, motivated, and industrious in all matters of daily life, eagerly self-employed, earning my own living while within my paralleling societal alcohol subculture's tenure.
My daily activities comprising two categories of activities, eagerly applying initiative, and responsibility in all daily matters of earning my living each day, otherwise I am fully engaged within my alcohol activities, including tirelessly fancifully searching for that which will not existing for me. Never contemplating on my own circumstances, as my alcohol lifestyle feeling so completely naturally normal to me, never giving my second thoughts, my alcohol conduct having become so normal to me, similarly normal to me as having been my previously historically societal normal lifestyle. I am king of all I will survey and contemplate upon, figuratively speaking, during the execution of his personal demeanour in pursuing and attending my social bright lights venues, I project a polished personal demeanor and status of celebrity while attending such bright light social activities venues, however if a truth to be known, a hollowed demeanor, and hollowed celebrity.
My projected demeanor, a high stepping, womanizing celebrity, lounge lizard sort of patron, rubbing shoulders with other hollowed comradely peers at these bright light social venues. Considering some of such comradely peers, as broken people, with broken lives, however still contained within some format of societal norms, and others of such comradely peers, I considered as fully occupying the spectrum of the societal normal, while perusing my interests and fanciful needs, superficially engagingly interacting with societal cross sections of such comradely associates. My own personal detachment from societal norms, well hidden from all others, as I live completely within his own paralleling alternate subculture, while at the same times however successfully coexisting and interacting with societies more normal culture. My Fall Down, "Conflagration" impacting upon myself, my pride and persona of self, subsequently never broken or subjugated, always retaining my humanity, my compassion, my optimism, my industry, and my decency of own persona, throughout all subsequent onslaughts, and throughout all subsequent challenges.
My private world remaining private without exceptions, there can never be real meaningful emotional substance materializing from within my paralleling subculture lifestyle and bright light social venues activities, my reality, my subculture having been separated from societal normal by unbridgeable divide, my life so completely detached from societal normal membership for so long by this time, existing no viable way for my returning to society normal. However my sole consolation flowing from my social bright lights social venue activities, solely the superficial comradely provided, as what I insatiably seek is contained within a completely different world from my societal paralleling world, such only existing within a normal societal lifestyle, such still inaccessible to myself, remaining patiently waiting upon fate's generosity for my merciful redemption, extrication and reinsertion back within the norms of society.
Looking back at one particular event in my life, my initial and permanent Alcohol and Tobacco cessation, recognizing, both my unassisted and unilateral decisions to stop and then following through with practical actions stopping such societal variant behaviours, quite remarkable in themselves. My looking back on such event process of alcohol cessation, viewing my previous abusive alcohol conduct, as only a part of my excessive inappropriate alcohol lifestyle, such driven by both psychological and emotional circumstantial forces then impacting my life. Appearing that my comradely association with Alcohol, never being my true addiction to alcohol as such, as exercising my ability, either taking alcohol or leave it, outside of alcohol's required trappings within my alcohol lifestyle in facilitated my insatiable psychological needs for societal comradely.
Alcohol proving essentially irrelevant to myself, outside of my lifestyle's required trappings, as witnessed by the immediate stopping of my alcohol consumption, solely on my own without outside buttressing support, and my successfully continuing such cessation from alcohol without future buttressing support. Only experiencing the physical with drawls symptoms to be expected from such withdrawing from heavy long-term alcohol saturation, including those predictable accompanying structural disorders stemming from my voluntarily collapsing alcohol lifestyle.
Normally the health compromised mind and thought process of any alcoholic, normally will not have such ability to rationalize their individual circumstances in any objective normal manor whatsoever and then act appropriately with rational decisions. When confronted by my immediate decision, life or death, while completely encompassed within my physically alcohol ravaged condition, appropriately rationalizing my immediate circumstances objectively, normally the alcohol-compromised mind only capable, if ever, achieving only after ones health significantly improving after previously giving up alcohol and seldom never previous to giving up alcohol.
Fundamental to successful Alcohol Interventions, understanding and recognizing the particular driver models responsible for individual alcohol conduct. At least two separate category models of abusive alcoholic behavior coming to mind, a first model of psychological chemical addiction to Alcohol itself as its main driver, believed by me as most common of alcohol behaviour driver models. I recognize a second alcohol behavioural model of inappropriate alcohol conduct, somewhat mirroring my experiences, inappropriate alcohol conduct driven by perhaps some nebulously responding to now long forgotten traumatic launching events, instrumental in habituating such second model of abusive alcohol lifestyle. Inevitably present within this second model of inappropriate alcohol conduct, an accompanying secondary subset chemical addiction to alcohol, but not necessarily the psychological habituation to alcohol itself, alcohol only the resultant ongoing sub category driver of such abusive relationship with alcohol.
This second model boiling down, generally interpreted as essentially the possible addiction to alcohol's psychological comradely infrastructure itself, but not primarily a psychological addicted to Alcohol itself as its fundamental driver. Also recognizing intervention remediation requirements between such differing models of abusive alcohol conduct, separately very different and requiring possibly differing emancipating exiting strategies, however all models having identically similar destructive capacities, creating havoc and destroying lives, regardless of root geneses. Ultimately in order to attempt any possible successful treatment in regards to abusive alcohol behaviours, firstly requiring establishing, whether such deviant social Alcoholic behaviour, primarily driven by a psychological chemical addiction to alcohol itself or primarily driven by lives reeling out of control, with accompanying psychological addiction overtones, but however not primary alcohol addiction driven.
Recognizing one possible barrier to such successful alcohol interventions, the health compromised mind and body status of the helpless alcohol enslaved abuser, such alcoholic's intellectual capacity in voluntarily objectively dealing with their enslaved situation, such intellectually a non starter, due physical and intellectual diminished-functioning. Recognizing a second possible barrier to successful alcohol remediation intervention, the Alcohol enslaved abuser being driven by influencing forces beyond their personal ability to control and most possibly unrecognized as even existing in the first place. There can be additional barriers to successful alcohol intervention, the psychological addiction to Alcohol itself, and also the absence in the alcohol abusers lives of some positive challenging forces, capable of challenging those status quo destructive forces presently hobbling them enslaved within Alcoholic limbo.
Hypothetically looking at solutions to such barrier challenges to alcoholic interventions remediation, the first step in initiating such interventions, if hypothetically possible, summarily taking legal custody of the alcoholic Party as a willing, committed, and intellectually stable partner to their own alcohol treatment, however this scenario normally not possible, because of the abuser's deteriorating intellectual capacity at best. And then a next step in any attempted interventions with the alcohol abuser, requiring behavioral philosophical, and psychological modification indoctrination, predictably most likely miserably failing, because such incorrectly interpreted by the abuser's compromised intellectual disability, as irrelevant, nebulous, and theoretical, not applicable to themselves according to their own convoluted rational.
However still remaining an additional missing step, fundamental to any real successful possibility of enduring interventions with the alcohol abuser. My belief such missing treatment steps, the practical modification of the abusers day-to-day life, not just theoretically, but the abusers life must be firstly completely dismantled and then completely modified and reassembled or successful interventions cannot be possible in such cases. Now herein laying the heavy lifting in these matters, as essential, required lifestyle modification, by the virtual destruction of the alcohol abusers old lifestyle conducts, and gradually replacing the old with a new lifestyle, however here now emerging a new problem, how to appropriately refill such alcohol abuser's so far, hypothetically created treatment destruction voids in the abusers day to day life, with new more normal lifestyle conducts?
Without overcoming this fundamental barrier of lifestyle modification, it is my belief, success will most likely not be possible, as these kinds of procedures requiring interventions into the most intimate personal private spaces of any abusers life. Now emerging some new conundrum, the abuser is the only party capable of complying with such requirements of lifestyle modification, as the abuser will most likely be absent in this process, how to proceed, as the abuser is normally unable to comply with such requirement of lifestyle modification? Additionally if the alcohol abuse is directly primarily related to the chemical addiction of Alcohol itself, this addiction to Alcohol requiring to be additionally physiologically properly dealt with.
My fall down sponsored daily paralleling societal lifestyle is well hidden from all observers; scrupulously daily and nightly exercise highly discipline conduct during my superficial societal interactions, all the while living on the fringes of normal society. My societal interaction is never in conflict with societal norms, I remain personally fiercely proud, independent, self sufficient and stoic against all onslaught while completely deprived of routine benefits of society's fruits, my fingers touching societal fruits, however unable fully grasping or possessing such fruits. My pride never allowing or accepting leniency, compromise or latitude, due my debilitating circumstances dealt by fait and subsequently personally embraced by myself.
Figuratively speaking, even though myself severally beaten on fate's anvils of life, myself never subjugated nor broken, either by phoney compromising of personal values, compassion or failures of personal decency, except solely perhaps, and then perhaps not, solely by my personally accepted intimate relationship with "Comrade Alcohol". My intimate alcohol comradely association, arguably my five thousand day clinical therapeutic convalescing association with alcohol's comradely, as apposed to my truly fallen alcohol addiction. Alcohol falsely luring me into some fifteen years alcohol-saturated tenure by offering me comfort and comradely when I was badly beaten and venerable. However not all things in life completely bad or completely good, as alcohol ultimately serving me valiantly, by facilitating an indispensable bridging surrogacy, such surrogacy facilitating my ability in spanning fait's great unbridgeable divide, such divide separating me from full participation in societal membership.
High Adventure
Enchanted with my present new alcohol lifestyle's exciting novelty and apparent true adventure, my life stature blooming, not withstanding the more truer circumstances of my falsely projected façade, such blooming however in itself, virtually real and durable, I personally grow expediently, knowing more, experiencing more, and capable of more. My outwardly expression is of a high stepping womanizing man about town, approaching celebrity status, such credibly envied by others with no understandings of my truer circumstances, such as the emotional societal desert having no escape, I am trapped within. I progressively descend deeper within my paralleling societal lifestyle's alcohol offshoot, myself willingly growing a deeper friendship attachment to my new alcohol comrade, now my surrogate comrade alcohol is truly my emancipating friend. Times now late 1960's, my daily life is eviscerated, deprived of societies inclusion fruits as I exist solely on societies fringes, helplessly accommodating and enduring of all such societal fruit vacancies, as still no path back to societal membership existing for me.
Several years now long passing since fall down sponsoring my innocent entering of paralleling societal lifestyle, by this juncture in time my life totally dismantled so long ago and so completely, I am evermore losing contact with normal societal infrastructure. I remain inescapably trapped within my alternate societal parallel lifestyle, my absence of societal inclusion not yet as searing as eventually to become, as during these times I am adequately compensated by my limitless freedom, daily novelty, high excitement and exciting true adventure, all still stemming from my society paralleling wildness of nomadic lifestyle. When fully immersed within my inappropriate variant societal alcohol lifestyle, I am a single male, heavy smoker, heavy daily, and nightly user of alcohol, insatiably searching for that which cannot exist for me, as in fact it did not exist in reality, daily totally immersed within my inappropriate societal alcohol lifestyle, fruitlessly pursuing mirages of comradely.
When attending my many such preferred drinking establishments my preferred known drink arrives before my ordering, such drink is set up and waiting on the bar before I myself arrive. Insatiably craving the bright lights, the ambiance, the music, the excitement, the action, the booze, and the female comradely, along with my run of the mill comrades at such bright light venues that I endlessly attend, such bright light venues, in effect convolutes surrogates of my only real home. Daily actively living vigorously and enthusiastically within my own such societal paralleling lifestyle, I live completely immersed within alcohol, living completely outside of all normal societal structured frameworks, living completely within my own separately created societal paralleling variation of my own particular lifestyle.
My societal paralleling lifestyle serving my own particular needs very well, when the societal normal lifestyle can do nothing for me. I am still subject to all of societies responsibilities, however without societies benefits, save only my use of societies publicly available infrastructure, roads, restaurants and bars as examples, credibly appearing to all observers, I am totally unaffected by my excessive alcohol conducts. Insatiably indulging in my daily alcoholic activities, attempting the pacification of my emotional needs for however hollowed available comradely, while insatiably endlessly attending public social venues of my interests. My never ending perpetual searching for activities of available comradely at these social venues of my interests, such places separated by considerable geographical distances each day. The kinds of alcohol usually consumed by me, amber types of rum, beer, and sometimes schnapps, but never, ever wines of any kind, true even when hung over, with no liquor or beer available, still at such times I never touch any available wine.
During my ten years fall down nomadic Odyssey's reeling tenure, existing no relationships of significances, I am prepared to engagingly accept or to meaningfully emotionally engage. My pursuits to no place, such pursuit having no depth or meaning upon my arriving at such destinations of no place, however such insatiable endless pursuits accompanied by a great deal of adventure in endlessly pursuing, such semantic no where and no places. Such no where places, places where I have no real interests, places doing nothing of consequence for my needs, save perhaps only the comradely itself, but otherwise providing no meaningful sustenance to my life. Throughout my ten years paralleling subculture lifestyle, many uncounted women fleetingly passing through my life, and then quickly slipping away through my indifferent clumsy fingers.
Whether or not within any of these potential female candidates, existing the critical mass of values, I so personally prized, personally never knowing. I had little interest in developing durable relationships during these times, as personally not in a good place to attempt such relationship building efforts, losing interest very quickly with each such potential woman candidates, as I could not honestly live in two separate worlds at the very same times. I could not abandon my own pre existing, presently well serving subculture world, with out having access back to societal normal world and conversely enduring relationship only possible within normal societies world, such still inaccessible to me.
My personal stoicism, always look to the philosophical optimistic bright side of possibility, both within my own circumstances, and within circumstances of others of my transitory comradely associates, regardless of circumstance, brutality or challenges. I never dwell on negative past events, no matter by whom, by what, no matter how unjustly perceived. Never bringing forwards resentments or residues from perceived negative past events to poison my present, excepting solely only my personal growth attained as a result of passages through such events, and lessons hard won and learned. I never dwelled on my own circumstances, as never recognizing my own circumstances out from normal, only circumstances naturally to be expected, and of course I could always philosophically brighten things up in any event if required.
Regardless of circumstance, I not only optimistically deal with my own matters of circumstances, but also philosophically optimistically brightening the outlooks of others, philosophical pontificating if you wish, to all whomever happenstance, passing through my day-to-day life. My lifelong fundamental psyche of self-being, I never see the clouds, regardless of the most debilitating circumstances at hand, seeing only through my philosophical beacons of philosophically generated sunshine, and buttressed by perceived philosophical blessings within my own life, also injecting such philosophical beacons into the lives of countless others having passed by my way. Decades earlier loosing my foolish youthful naive idealism, however naive I was not, I would just nobly see the best within others, including himself, believing it better to allow the dog a free bite in a manor of speaking, than posturing myself defensively into some cynical life in such stead. My nature was to never take the easiest of routes out of circumstances or difficulties, maturely naive perhaps, but the convenient short cut was never my preference.
Employing disciplined fall down conduct of my motor vehicle-operating stewardship, while saturated with heavy alcohol load, myself doomed without such valuable asset of vehicle's availability for my social activity needs, as no life existing for me at my lair of domicile. Such vehicle's availability I protect at all cost, as my life now existing within endless nomadic traveling, endlessly traveling to widely scattered geographical located social venues. Clearly understanding my lifestyle is social negatively variant, its intensity, essentially a variant societal manifestation, never the less such lifestyle is my only surrogacy of domicile, the only place where I can live, figuratively speaking, or where my life wanting to occupy during these times, thus making my variant societal lifestyle so important to me, and which access too, I carefully needing to protect. Ensuring continuing availability access to my alcohol subculture lifestyle, I did carefully protect my access, so as to be allowed by society to continue with my well-hidden lifestyle of inappropriate societal conducts.
Having no other option, but appear daily seamlessly interfacing normally within societies normal main stream culture, while my own person of self separately living within my own societal alternate subculture, such credibly passing as societal normal. This is why I required my polished conduct of alcohol discipline, so as to perpetuate availability to my societal variant lifestyles. In the absence of full commitment to my very disciplined alcoholic conduct, my deviant lifestyle conducts soon halted in reasonably quick fashion by various society interventions, and if this were to occur, what will I then do, and where will I then live, semantically speaking of course. Not to be too ostentatious in this regards, I recognize that a great deal of simple random luck was involved and associated with continuing of my particular subculture of alcohol lifestyle within those norms of society.
Mirroring my insatiable pursuit of comradely this particular day of endless similar days, this day quickly approaching its exhausted conclusion, the earliest part of the following day. I prepare hitting the highway and proceed to my lair, wherever my layer being this day, to pass those hours when society itself will slumber. My pockets uncounted and bulging with abandon at this evening's beginning, however now hopefully scrapping my various miscellaneous pockets for remaining remnants of this night's activities, to pay for the oil my engine needing and with all remaining coins promised to replenish my cars gas tank.
Times depicted here, very different from today, as in those days the automobile not saturating every road in existence. At those times not every person driving automobiles, parking is available most anywhere once the main business day is ended, the roads mostly absent of traffic, the highways almost totally vacant of overnight traffic, a far, far cry from today's congested roads, today's such roads now of perpetual driving hassle, both day and night, however driving in those days somewhat of a civilizing pleasure. These were times when neither fog, sleet, distance or road conditions, capable of dissuading my insatiable perpetual needs for comradely, if it was happening, I was required to be there, bar none, this was still those times of the electro mechanical age, a time before cell phones, credit cards and computers.
This day's hour is now late; this past day long, now tired and exhausted I scrape ice from my cars windows, preparing to proceed to my distant layer. This night is cold; the moon is bright, as I enter the highway proceeding to my distant layer. Miles rolling on, time passing, sleep is beginning to beckon, how far yet to go, this night's journey taking forever, sleep now impatiently demanding its audience with me, ignoring all I travel with dispatch, my Spartan, but adequate layer awaits my arrival. Fatigue now building, sleep, demanding to be heeded, my eyes practice closing, flirting with such sleep's daring's, I begin digging my fingers into my legs, trying to causing as much discomfort as possible, trying to distract sleeps incessant requests to be heeded.
Still very early the next day, but still very dark, I must reach my layer before my facing the sun's impending appearance low on the eastern horizon, such low sun horizon spelling murder in my present un slept condition. My alcohols load is now wearing down, I continue digging my fingers into my legs, but I am losing this battle of wills with sleep; sleep slowly gaining the upper hand. This place, this spot on this dark moon lit highway, I pass a farm house visible from my car, this farmhouse is lit by the moon light, clear as day, the farmhouse and grounds covered by a blanket of snow, the farmhouse's windows all in darkness but smoke rising from its chimney as if dancing with the moon, with the moon neatly hung just above the farmhouse roof.
My thoughts begin wondering, "I wonder if someone is tucked snugly in their bed", "can they hear the whining of my car engine", "did my car engine disturb their warm slumber", "did it cause them to roll over, again falling into a still deeper sleep, while my drama with sleep is anonymously unfolding on this anonymous highway, playing itself out, just meters in front of this cozy farmhouse of tantalizing comfort this night." " Just to trade places for an hour, only an hour." "The situation is becoming critical". "I cannot allow sleep to win this struggle." "If I do not soon arrive at my lair, the danger is becoming to great, I will have no choice but to pull over for an hour or two, a very cold hour or two." "A glow in the distant sky, perhaps indeed I can make it", soon after skyline shapes appearing visible, the sky starting to lighten, the darkness is fading, the sun not yet upon the horizon, yes this time I have made it, such drama, such nights, one way or another commonly my status quo.
So long ago my nobility of youthful idealism collapsing as a young man in my second decade of youth, at fall down's such seminal moments of youthful fragility my societal cohesion fragments into disassociating societal pieces, encompassed by my alcohol comradely enslavement, my solitude and my societal isolation. No peace no solution, I remain brutally psychologically wounded internally, such severing myself from societal inclusion, disconnecting and eviscerating my societal cohesion. My life so completely detached from societal normal for many years by this juncture in time, myself having no viable way of returning within normal society folds.


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TRX – Suspension Training Course
With the versatility of TRX Suspension Training® you'll have a portable fitness solution to train clients in any setting. You'll learn how to properly perform and cue foundational Suspension Training exercises as well as the benefits and target muscles of the exercises. Learn modifications and progressions to adapt the exercises to every fitness level.
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One of the largest neighborhoods in Brooklyn, Williamsburg has undergone a major metamorphosis in the last decade.
It's transforming from a traditionally working-class neighborhood to a veritable embodiment of gentrification and urban rebirth. These days, tourists and day-trippers flock to Williamsburg for a little slice of cosmopolitan bohemia.learn more about this neighborhood
#20Neighborhood popularity:based on Naked Apartments searches
Building Mix
- 24% New Building
- 14% Walk-Up
- 12% Luxury Highrise
- 8% Pre War
- 8% Loft Building
Legal Disclosure: Neighborhood descriptions and data are created exclusively by Naked Apartments without contributions or approval from the agents listed on this page.
The Bedford Cheese Shop by 86688834@N00 is licensed under CC BY 2.0
Price Reflects average with 1 FREE month OUR THOUGHTS: This is a unique find, as the quality gut rehab includes everything multi-family dwellings typically do not; in-unit Bosch Washer/Dryer, brand new condo level modern kitchen with stainless dishwasher & microwave, skylights with carefully placed recessed lighting, new quality flooring, modern bathrooms, and more. We absolutely Love the work that the owner did on this unit, and the location is outstanding. The building stands on Frost Street, which is quite and tree lined, but only a few blocks away from Graham Avenue and a wide variety of great shops, restaurants, and bars.
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$2,944, Two Bedrooms, 1.0 Bathroom
Last Updated ~ 4 Years
Listed For ~ 4 Years
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Pets: Pets Allowed
- 900 sq. ft.
- Web ID: 2681960-5632
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George Watson's College
City of Edinburgh
- Ages: 3 - 18
- Type: All Through School, Coeducational School, Junior and Preparatory School, School with Nursery, Senior School
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Implementation Tools And Software Requirement Computer Science Essay
Published: Last Edited:
This essay has been submitted by a student. This is not an example of the work written by our professional essay writers.
The term implementation has different meanings, ranging from the conversion of a basic application to a compatible replacement of a computer system. Implementation is used here to mean the process converting a new or a revised system design into an operational one. During the implementation stage we convert the detailed code in a programming language.
At this stage the main workload, the greatest upheaval, and the major impact on existing practices shifts to the user department. If the implementation stage is not carefully planned and controlled, it can cause greater chaos.
Thus it can be considered to be the most crucial stage in achieving the user confidence that the new system will work and be effective.
The implementation stage is a system project on its own right. It involves careful planning, investigation of the current system and its constraints on implementation design of the methods to achieve change over etc.
Since the package is found to be free of errors and the data and the variables are sent correctly from one module to another, we have implemented the package. The errors in the code rectified after the three phases of testing.
J2ME JDK 1.5- I have planned to use J2ME (Java Platform, Micro Edition or Java ME) JDK1.5 as the Platform to develop the front end of the system. The Java Platform, Enterprise Edition includes all of the classes in the Java SE and a number of others which are more useful to programs running on servers than on workstations.
NetBeans 5.5- This tool will be very useful in developing an IDE (Integrated Development Environment). It helps the system to get powerfully extended by third party developers.
Tomcat Apache Server 5.5-Tomcat implements the Servlet and the JavaServer Pages (JSP) specifications from Sun Microsystems, providing an environment for Java code to run in cooperation with a web server.
Nokia PC Connectivity SDK- This software will be required for connecting the mobile with the server and exchanging various files and folders.
Microsoft Visual studio 6.0- This may be required in the system if I want to generate a list of programs to be executed and compiled whose acknowledgement will appear in the cell phone.
Java Servlets
Java Swings
Hardware Requirements: For implementing the project following are the requirements at client site and server site.
1. Server Site:
P IV processor
512 MB or 1 GB RAM
80 GB Hard Disk Drive
Ethernet card (Network Interface Card)
2. Client Site
Minimum 2 PCs to make a LAN
P IV processor
40 GB Hard Disk Drive
Ethernet card (Network Interface Card)
7.2 Implementation methods
The main part of this system is the documentation and the software which has been developed. So for implementing this system the developer has to follow three aspects are:
Documental aspect
Technical aspect
7.2.1 Documental Aspect
Documental aspect covers the software used to develop the documentation part of the project.
Microsoft Office Project Professional 2007 for preparing Gantt chart
Visual Paradigm for UML 5.3 Professional Edition for various UML diagrams
Adobe Photoshop for image editing
7.2.3 Technical aspect
To run the application the developer requires J2EE on system.
The developer also needs to implement Servlet for communication between Client and Server. Apart from that, Serializable needs to be implemented to use serialized objects.
Exception handling is also one of the major areas of implementation. All important libraries also need to be successfully imported to the main form.
Give the path to .jar files where ever required to resolve reference problem.
7.2.4. Installation steps for NetBeans IDE 5.5
To install the NetBeans IDE 5.0 and Sun Java System Application Server Platform Edition 8.2 bundle:
Once downloading the installation file, double-click the setup.exe's icon to launch the installation wizard.
When the install wizard appears, go through the License Agreement, and click Next.
Give the path of an empty directory where IDE is supposed to be installed. The installation directory should be written with no space in between.
Specify an empty directory within which to install the Application Server on the same page of the wizard and click Next.
Choose the JDK whose IDE needs to be used from the list of suitable choices in the list, then click Next.
Verify the installation path and check that there is adequate space on the system for the installation.
Click Next to begin the installation.
Note: If any problem is encountered before successfully completing the software installation, refer to the Troubleshooting as mentioned in the help document.
7.3 Characteristics of Implementation
7.3.1 Abstraction
It deals with the ability of an implementation to allow the programmer to ignore the portion of details that is not important at the current level consideration. Each of the three kinds of abstraction control, data and process should present in the code.
7.3.2 Modularization
It requires as partitioning the implementation, with each abstraction occupying its own separate and identifiable unit.
7.3.3 Encapsulation
While implementing the design, care should be taken to truly hide within a model.
7.3.4 Remote PC Access Using Mobile
Mobiles are the wireless devices that are used to communicate with those who are near and dear to oneself. Moreover to this there are many more services provided by them, some of them are call registry, web-services, dial tones, downloads, games and many more. Some service provider provides all these services. So, whatever service he provides should be accepted. Suppose if you want to play the dial tone composed by you or by your friend then who is going to provide this? More over if you want to view any text from a remote PC on your mobile then no one is going to provide this. Keeping this in mind we designed our project to enable the mobile users to access their LAN from their mobile phones. This project concerns with accessing a PC that is residing far away.
18.104.22.168 Architecture
The entire architecture is divided into two modules.
Client Module (mobile user, J2ME part).
Server Module.
Server is implemented as a service provider and the client is implemented as a mobile user. Server plays a centralized role by controlling all the activities going in the intranet. The clients are connected through LAN or GPRS.
22.214.171.124 Client, Server Implementation
Client Module:
The client module facilitates the user to give the IP address of the remote PC along with the required service details in the display of the mobile.
User name and password for Authentication.
Remote PC IP Address to which we want to get connected.
Function to be performed on the Remote PC.
Requirements related to perform that function.
The client module is written in J2ME using MIDP 2.0. The screens related to these are provided in Appendix. After entering all the inputs into the mobile the user can proceed by pressing the 'Login Command'. This starts the connection establishment between the server and the mobile client. At the server a servlet is available for handling the requests from the clients. An HttpConnection is made between the server and the mobile. Method used for this is
HttpConnection conn = ( HttpConnection ) Connector.open ( URL )
By this method an http connection is established. Here the Connector class static method open ( ) is used to create a connection, which is typecasted to the HttpConnection class.
The parameter string URL is a string that contains the URL of server along with remote PC IP address and also with the details of the service which is going to be provided from that PC. Using IP address connection with the server PC is done through HTTP and then using the service name provided in the URL we make a socket to the requested LAN PC which provides the service remotely.
Once the connection is established the mobile is waiting for response from the server. The reply from the server is a stream of bytes. An InputStream object is created on the connection object that store for the response coming from the server. The response from the server is displayed on a mobile screen. If the operations performed are read then the response may be the string that carries the file data. If the operations are write or execute then the response may be an acknowledgement that describes the status of operation. After all, the connection to the server and the opened streams are closed. Here new connection is created every time for a new request. This makes the better utilization of network without wasting the valuable network resources. The client module is designed with threads so that each time a new thread is created for each request utilizing same address space in mobile.
Server Module:
In the server module, the functions performed are as given below.
Initially the request from the mobile is accepted by the Servlet program (class file for the particular feature). The Servlet is written by extending HtttpServlet class. The service method of that class takes two arguments.
doGet(HttpServletRequest req, HttpServletResponse res)
By using the getParameter ( ) of HttpServletRequest class, the IP address of the remote PC along with the function to be performed on the PC are extracted.
The parameter string from the URL is splitted into two strings, one holding IP address of remote PC and the other with the function name and data related to perform the function.
Besides this a RMI method is created so as to establish a socket based connection with the remote PC from the server. It is not recommended to create socket based connection from the Servlet itself. So a RMI based sockets are used. The three important modules of RMI are
IClient is an interface which declares all the methods that can be invoked remotely. These methods are implemented in Client.java. The purpose of the method is to create a socket based connection with the remote PC. The requested operations are executed by the remote PC and the status returned by them.
In Server.java a socket is opened based on the IP address obtained from the mobile. Once the socket is opened the function and its related data is sent to the remote PC through the socket. The remote method should bind to the RMI registry and this is done with the "bind ( )" of the Naming class in Client.java.
Naming.bind ("reg_name", method_impl)
First argument is the name with which the method is binded in RMI registry. The second argument is the reference of the implementation file that defines the remote method. Once the remote method is binded to RMI registry, it is available to any class that wants to access this method remotely.
"Server.java" is the Servlet cum RMI client having the features of the Servlet in addition to the functionalities of the RMI client, which has to locate the remote method for establishing connection between server and the remote PC. For this it has to find the remote method using the "lookup ( )"of the Naming class.
IClient iclient = (IClient) Naming.lookup ("rmi://RemoteHost/reg_name" )
lookup ( ) should pass the name of the remote method as an argument along with the address of the terminal on which the remote method is available. This method returns the reference of the remote interface through which we can directly access that remote method. So, the return type is type casted to the "IClient" interface. Using this reference we can directly call the remote method.
iclient.method_name ( Remote_method )
The above method returns a string object that contains the response string coming from the remote PC. As this string is to be passed to the mobile, using the HttpServletResponse object 'res' an OutputStream object is created on this response object and the response string is sent to the mobile through this outputstream.
As the server can start a socket connection with the remote PC at any time, the application should always listen for the incoming connection requests. This is possible with the "ServerSocket" class, whose function is to create a socket on the localhost for specific port and listens on that port. The servlet part in the server module establishes a socket connection to a port using the ServerSocket class.
ServerSocket ss = new ServerSocket (8000)
Using the "accept ( )" of the ServerSocket class we can make the application listen to the port specified in the servlet part for connection requests.
Socket s = ss.accept ( )
Once this is created the socket can be used for receiving and sending data from other socket on same port of another terminal. So the server makes a socket connection on port 8080 which paves a physical connection between server and remote PC on port 8080. Next the server i.e., rmi method sends the function along with the related data to the remote PC through this socket. The data stream is read by the remote PC application and the string is again splitted into two substrings in which one contains the function name that is to be performed on the PC and the other string contains the information related to perform that function. Based on these strings the function is performed and the response string is sent back to the server as this opens the socket from server to remote PC.
7.5 General Algorithm
Enter the Login form
Read the Login Name, Password, IP address
Invoke RMI to get the server
Follow the path
Verify the database
If the given login name, password....is valid, then go to the menu.
Select any one of the content, present in the menu list.
If the chosen option is
Client list :
Invoke RMI to get the client list and return.
b) Process:
i) Get the client name, process type.
ii) If the option equals 'list of process', then invoke RMI to get the client,
get the process list and return.
iii) If it is 'start the process', then get the path.
iv) Invoke the RMI to get that particular client, follow the path, start the
v) Return on true.
vi) If it is 'Kill the Process', then invoke the RMI to get the process list
from that particular client.
vii) Get the process, invoke RMI to get that particular process and Kill the
viii) Return on true.
c) Compile, Execute & Read:
i) Get the client, path.
ii) Invoke RMI to get the client, follow the path.
iii) Compile the specified file if the chosen option is 'Compile' and return
on true.
iv) Execute the specified file if the chosen option is 'Execute' and return
on true.
v) For 'Read' option, copy the content from the file and return to read the
d ) WordPad & Broadcast :
i) Get the content, client name, and path.
ii) Invoke RMI to get the client, follow the path.
iii) Create the file and copy the content for the WordPad option.
iv) Create the text window and copy the content, for broadcasting.
v) Return if true.
e) Chat & Unicast :
i) Get the client name, content
ii) Invoke RMI to get the client.
iii) Create a text box and copy the content.
iv) Return if the option is 'Unicast'.
v) Get the message and return if the option is 'Chat'.
f) Shut Down:
i) Get the client list.
ii) Invoke RMI to get the client.
iii) Save all the files of that particular PC and close.
iv) Shut down the system and return on true.
Exit from the Login window
7.6 Verification
SQA - (Software Quality Assurance) and verification are "Umbrella activities" which is applied to every single step of software engineering process.
Software Quality can be defined as "conformance to explicitly stated performance requirements, explicitly develop documented development standards, and implicit characteristics that are expected of all professionally developed software's.
The factors influence the affect quality can be categorized into two factors that can be mentioned directly and indirectly. There are two types of verification done. They are:
These are done to find errors. Executing the program in simulated environment did pre-implementation verification.
Using the software in the live environment in order to find errors is called as post-implementation. The software is analyzed in detail and the verification to errors that were corrected is done. The result of verification is that proposed plans and schedule are matching for user environment and is working smoothly.
Giving virtual input data did pre-implementation verification. The processing is verified step-by-step. Feedback from validation phase generally produced changes in the software so that errors and failures are rectified. A set of user sites are selected and put the system into a live basis. Feedbacks were produced day-to-day activities. Normally outputs were produced and verified for live transactions.
Modules were verified for iterations within a boundary. Verifications were made on file sizes, temporary files, sorting and index procedures, rendering procedures and necessary modifications in required areas were done. Situations arise where the system got hang due to infinite looping and invalidate data. These cases were verified thoroughly and validation procedures were implemented to avoid this infinite looping.


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Oh, believe me, I take manufacturers' claims with a large—or make that a HUGE—grain of salt... but still... you yourself even claimed RHA are (apparently) taking our feedback seriously which would be great if true, so while I take their graph with a pinch of salt, it may still be fairly close to the real thing. What's interesting to me (or more telling, if you like, and not in a good way), though, is the scaling, which makes the MA750 seem pretty flat up to 7.5k, and because of said scaling the HUGE dip above 7.5 Khz doesn't look so severe when, in actual fact, it actually is, hence my concern. The ER4S, as you well know, is much flatter in that region. Do you have issues with the ER4S in that area?
I'm very tempted to order the MA750s (the non-i version), if only because of a personal Scottish / Glasgow connection (great to see a British company, btw, doing something seemingly very, very decent in the world of IEMs), with apparent great build quality, a 3-year warranty and a cable-over-the ear fit for an £80-£90 product.
warrenpchi, never mind what I wrote yesterday (highlighted text above). I've just placed an order for the MA750s, but you should be warned that our cheerful sparrow's sole objective is to make Mr warrenpchi, RHA's shill enthusiast, look pretty bad and lose credibility (not unlike how Mr Currawong looked after his FXZ200 comments) after our ageing sparrow dude posts his impressions. Should you feel the need to retaliate after that, I suggest you mention music_4321's love for the Kings of Incoherence (aka the K3003s) and the "abominations" (aka the Piano Forte IXs) — that should give you plenty of ammunition to hit back.
Edited by music_4321 - 9/25/13 at 1:05pm


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Get the Fat Diminisher System Weightloss System in Great Neck Gardens New York
How To Be A Success At Weight Loss
Losing weight definitely can feel impossible at times. After a few weeks of dieting, your motivation may fade and it can be tempting to quit. How are people able to keep the weight off? This article will share their secrets.
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A truly great weight loss plan will focus on both diet and exercise. Is important to make sure you enjoy the workouts that you are doing a couple of times a week. If you just can't seem to find the time to workout, try incorporating exercise into more enjoyable activities. Is spending time with your buddies important? Play some basketball with them! Is letting your hair down something that you enjoy doing? Try taking salsa lessons! Are you more comfortable with nature? Hit the hiking trails!
Make your junk food less accessible so that you won't eat it as much. If at all possible, eliminate junk food from your home. If your cupboards and refrigerator are stocked with healthy food choices that are easily accessible, you increase your chances of eating these foods for snacks and meals.
Get a friend to workout with. If you only have yourself to answer to, you will find it easy to make excuses. You are more likely to keep on trucking when you get worn out or frustrated if you have a friend working out alongside you.. You and your friend can encourage one other as well as give advice when asked.


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Fusion® Lateral OA Plus Knee Brace
Sizes: s, m, m+, l, xl, xxl
The Fusion® Lateral OA Plus brace features a streamlined frame with an innovative, slim thumbwheel dial. Designed to provide lateral off-loading for patients with unicompartmental osteoarthritis. The Fusion® Lateral OA Plus incorporates an offset gauge that clearly displays the amount of load applied in half-millimeter increments. It features Bregs revolutionary ProForm technology, allowing patients to always get an intimate, contoured fit that keeps the brace in place all day long.
SKU: 2088-fusion-lateral-oa-knee-brace Category: Functional OA
- Features and Benefits
- Instructions for Use
- Part Numbers
- Videos
- Product Sizing Chart
Common Examples of Use
- Unicompartmental OA-lateral
- Chondral defect procedures
- Meniscal procedures
Product Features
- AirTech® Frame pads – innovative windows and channels in the pad permit cooling air flow while allowing moisture and heat to move away from the skin
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Part Numbers
|Part #
|Fusion® Lateral OA Plus Custom
|Fusion® Lateral OA Plus Custom, Color/Pattern Option
|Fusion® Lateral OA Plus Prefabricated, Left
|Fusion® Lateral OA Plus Prefabricated, Right
|Fusion® Lateral OA Plus, Refurbish, Left*
|Fusion® Lateral OA Plus, Refurbish, Right*
|* Refurb kit includes 2 stop sets, frame pads with hook and loop fasteners, straps and instructions
|* Refurb kit includes 2 stop sets, frame pads with hook and loop fasteners, straps and instructions
; ;