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Mrs. Flinger: A work in progress
UPDATE TO Mrs. Flinger October 16, 2015
Because the Universe has a wicked sense of humor, after this delcaration, my blog threw up all over my last upgrade.
So I'm starting over using Craft. Turning 40 and kid entering Jr High next year, sometimes it's just time for a change. These archives will still exist in the way the last child goes off to college and their room is the same for 20 years, but it's just time to move forward.
Traveling Mercy: a letter from time, if time travels by airplane Jan 11, 2015
I opened an old favorite book this evening. I ruffled through the pages with the well worn, and thus loved, tags and underlined passages. I flipped to the end and saw a note I'd written on my solo flight back from my first over-seas trip September, 2001.
I smile as I read the scribbled letters. I remember this flight very well. It was four days after the terror attacks of Nine Eleven. I flew from Heathrow to Seattle alone in the very back of the plane, scared, deathly afraid of everyone, just wanting to be home with my new fiancé.
How many miles have I flown since? How many trips have I taken to those same countries?
I read the page like an older soul, like I'm reading a letter from a previous version of myself.
I'm tired and worn. Sick of people leaning into my space. I'm on the back row of the plane and the line for the bathroom allows for bottoms, boobs, coats, and purses to bump me, hit me, pinch me. I'm too tired and weary to retaliate but I wish I could.
We are starting to land. I'm starting to pray again.
I admit to total paranoia. I suspect anyone. But as I look out the small, 10 inch window onto the gray/brown rolling mountains and the clouds that lay like glaciers, I know we'll make it. At least I have to trust we will. We are above the clouds. Aside from sparse tree-topped mountains, there is nothing to see but an ocean of clouds. This is my favorite part of flying:
Being done.
I wonder what I will say and think when I read this page in fifteen years. With any luck, I will smile knowing how little I knew back then and forgive my previous self for her shortcomings and dramatic mannerisms and whisper a small prayer in the space of breath that transcends time to say everything will be ok.
To the me of 2001, the scared young first-time traveler, worry not. This is the start of a wonderful relationship with strangers on planes and the entire world of experience and friendships that come when you land.
I like to run and jump over things Dec 20, 2014
If a 7 year old could have a steady, I'm speaking with her now. She's been his "girl" for two years now, this little pixy of amazing energy and a bundle of wonderful for my son and myself. Her mom is a wondrous human, her friends have amazing parents and equally wondrous qualities and there's absolutely nothing I could say that would not come across as me manipulating him to end up with a girl like this as a wife.
Remember, he is seven.
I'm so getting way WAY ahead of myself.
I'm not sure if you can foster children to marry a kind of girl like this or if he's going to rebel against this very notion but when I met them on the playground today and I asked what they liked to do at recess, she beamed, "I like to run and jump over things!"
I glanced at my son and he shrugged. "Ok," I offered, "Let's run and jump over things!"
She took off and didn't look back. I ran and jumped over three things following her lead; the stepping swings, the puddle, the balancing beam. And then my fancy boots and bad knee gave way and I had to walk.
She didn't stop or even glance back. My son's future wife (see how irrational I am?) took off in her 7 year old youthful knees and agile feet and was not turning back.
My son and I glanced at each other. He gave me a "Moooommmmmmm," look that I am sure will come to haunt his teenage years. I smiled widely as his girl circled back around. "Oh, man, I am not wearing the right shoes to keep up with you!" She beamed wildly. My son smiled sheepishly. I laughed.
This is what it means to me to be on the playground with my youngest at first recess. I have other stories of meeting the older one on the playground, before I became the "OMG you are NOT SERIOUSLY HERE" person. She used to welcome me in to her world. Now I'm invited when nobody is around and I cherish the moments.
I can almost understand why people have a baby when their youngest kid reaches third grade. A baby! I could start all over! That kid might not roll their eyes at me until the first one stops doing it!
Seriously, I've considered this option. Hard.
Instead I'm trying to be more present nowadays. I'm taking a page out of Jack Kornfield's book and letting each and every emotion, thought, concept, feeling live inside its place in the time it arrives. I'm trying to be aware of the moment. I'm trying to let the feelings happen, to let the thoughts come in and then go away again and the feelings creep up, acknowledge them, and then watch them slide away.
In short, I'm trying to run and jump over things when it is the appropriate time to do so.
Part of this living moment-by-moment means noticing when someone does something extraordinary. Like today when a mom from my son's class, a soccer mom friend, guarded our candy houses so I could do the aforementioned running and jumping over the things. I left her there with no less than fifteen children climbing on the bench and table like zombies on candy brain. I laughed as I waved and ran off to see my son and live in "this moment" and she cursed me ever so softly as she stood there with our candy houses and vultures for children swarming closer.
I took a photo. She called out, "Email me that, would'ya?"
These are the moments that I will recall when my son goes to the prom with this girl. Or another girl. Or when my daughter dances on my husband's shoes on her wedding day. Or when my son is throwing his last off-sides on his high school team. Or when I crawl in to my bed the last time before my dying breath.
Living in the moment has its advantages: Namely that I get to run and chase a girl who has been the apple of my son's eye for over a year and a half. Also, I've made friends in familiar situations that I can comfortably give shit to on a playground among swarming kindergarteners praying on sugar.
Mostly, though, living in the moment means remembering every detail of the day well enough to recall a single second on a blog post, or a story, or a telling of the day at the dinner table.
Mostly it means living the day as fully as possible. Gratitude is one part, the living is the other.
December - syndication part 2: "Having your corporate cake and eating it too" Dec 17, 2014
It's been many years since I first stayed with my German hostess. I've since been back to her amazing house and have had German cake and have eaten it. That's no euphemism.
When I first visited her, I could arguably have been a corporate woman with a career and kids. I say arguably because I was a working at home mom in a very small company. Hardly "corporate world" in my eyes now.
I've since then joined the "I am not kidding this is seriously corporate American in the sense of a capital C" world. I work for one of the top 100 of the "Fortune 500" companies in the states, or, rather, in the world. While I'm both thankful for this job and sometimes surprised by it, there's no escaping the corporation-ness that Betty was talking about all those years ago. And here's the kicker: She was right. She was absolutely right. Let the record show me standing on my soap box with a sign saying, "I CAN NOT DO IT ALL" written on the board across my chest with my dark circles and my bald tires and my children clinging to the edges of my unhemmed skirt.
I have a post mostly written of what a normal day looks like for me now. It's a half-written prose of "I wake up at 5:30 so I can…." and ends in some sort of sentence with too many consonants like, "And then I go to bed fhgjklskjsaljslkdjsjklaklkjasjl"
I can honestly say I had no fucking idea what I was getting in to when I thought we could do a two working parent, four hour commute, kids in sport HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SANITY!- life. So, on this syndication, let me for the record say this, "YOUNG PEOPLE LISTEN UP: some of us women have idea and we know things. Even if we know things because we're smart and know better than to experience them WE KNOW THINGS. If you have questions, come to us, the women-folk before you, and ask us. We will tell you. But ultimately, no decision is wrong, know this: it's just hard or harder and we're all here to nod and say yes and uhhu and yea. Whatever you choose, there's no sense in analyzing it; it is what it is. Just have some chocolate, have a bath and blog the result. Like I am doing now.
Thank you, Betty, and all those who participated in the discussion so many years ago. I happen to read these comments again and again and I know, in my heart, the conversation is not over, it's only begun. Thank you.
———The Original Post————-
I was the host mentioned in the previous post. We had the discussion of: Can you do both – have a career and kids? I have pretty strong and not too popular opinions on the subject. And I worried that I might have been too harsh or spoken too openly to someone I just met but with whom I felt a close connection. I don't have children, so many will think I am not qualified to speak on this subject. But that's just it, I do feel I can speak on this subject because the INSANITY of trying to work and have children is part of the reason why I chose not to have children. I had a great job, a comfortable salary, was able to travel and live all over the world. I married a nice guy, and we didn't have kids (on purpose that is). We have a carefree, stressfree, joyful, active life together in a peaceful, cozy apartment in Munich. I am afraid you working moms will not like what I have to say on the subject…but get over it, get over the guilt, get over the struggle. YOU all made the choice to have children and frankly just as Leslie has said you can't do both well, so why did you have kids? Or if you wanted kids so badly, why do you want to work so badly? It really is that simple, don't come to me with all the outrage or all reasons to have children, it really is a cut and dry choice of 4 options for women:
1) don't have kids, work or do whatever you want
2) have kids stay at home and enjoy that, but put your life on hold for 20 some odd years then do whatever you want
3) have kids, work, do what you want and OUTSOURCE the parenting. Meaning make enough money for live-in full time help and focus on your job and do that really well.
4) have kids, work and have a stay at home husband
Did you all really think there was a 5) work, have kids, be great not only at both – but be a hot sexy wife and travel the world too? Really? And don't come with all the examples of women that have done it. Yes, they are called exceptions…and if you look closely they probably also have help in some form or have very unconventional work. And I am not talking about single working moms due to divorce or death of spouse. I am talking to double income couples where the wife is juggling the job and doing most of the childcare and feeling alternatively, bad, guilty, great, frazzled, tired, energized, exhausted, hateful, joyful….and so on, just read Dooce.
You all thought "I can do both!" and had a kid, geez sometimes several. So get over it and live with the fact you will be so-so at both work and mothering. Or get over it and realize that you will probably do really well at work and be a crappy mom. Which by the way, being a crappy mom (whatever that means) is actually okay in my book, because honestly the skill sets you have - the stuff you do and know that makes you so good at the work you love and enjoy…..may not be the same skill sets that make a good mother. So stick with your core competencies and outsource the mothering. If that thought is just so horrifying to you - what outsource mothering/parenting? You can't do that! Well then, get over it and stay at home or have your husband stay at home. And don't come to me with the we can't afford it. Yes. You. Can. If you really can't live on one salary, should you really had had kids? Mull over that a little…before you come to me with the outcries of that statement.
The stories that Leslie told me about what she has to sometimes deal with…were rough but I am afraid fairly typical what you working mothers go through. And I can guarantee you that the successful working MEN with children in Leslie's field or in any other field are neither going through the guilt, the struggle nor dealing with vomitting children during their work day. They have wives at home or wives who just took off work taking care of all that shit. That means you working moms are bearing a double load and yes, that was not so smart of you. And as much as I want to be empathetic (and really I am a little)...you did have the choice of not having children, and you still have the choice of not working…or outsourcing.
But alas, if you choose to still be caught in the struggle of doing both, here is a last consolation - no matter how good of a mother you were during your kid's childhood, no matter if you stayed home or worked full time and had a nanny, or did the insane juggling act that is working and being a mom….in every case….your kids will still be sullen ungrateful teenagers….and then grow up to be just fine.
A goodbye card to my Aunt Marcella Dec 09, 2014
Why do people die in December? Why does everyone decide to leave earth in December? Because the Christians are singing about a birth? Because families are together and can support each other? Because it's cold?
My Aunt Marcella decided it was time to leave this earth today. You know my Aunt Marci. I wrote about her.
My mom texted me this morning with the news as I was entering a long, difficult, detailed meeting. I didn't have time to think or process this news. I called my husband as soon as I got out and we met at Starbucks to talk through it. His eyes teared up as I bawled in front of strangers in the coffee shop. I recounted stories about her and my Uncle Charles. "She was like my Grandma, such a classy lady," I hear myself saying through sobs, "and I am honored to have had her influence in my life." I told him stories he has heard before, stories of childhood and of recent trips to see her as she aged.
She was old when I knew her as a six year old. I have memories of my Uncle Charles and Aunt Marcella's house before my sister was born. I have memories of my sister and I doing handstands in the grass in their backyard. I remember Uncle Charle's cane, a motorcycle accident had taken his ability to walk well, and his teasing. I remember our parents laughing openly with them at the table. I remember my Grandma and Grandpa animatedly chatting. I remember the way my dad would light up in their presence and I remember being very little, and then very much an adult, all in the presence of these same people.
My sister called to see how I was doing. We both cried on and off remembering part of our childhood. I told her how odd I thought it was that our anniversary card was two days late this year. "I mean, not that I've *ever* remembered to send anything on time but Aunt Marci gets it right EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. How does she know when to send the card so it shows up exactly on time?"
"She's magic," my sister explains. "She simply is magic."
"This is the most logical thing I've heard all day," I replied. I mean it.
I came home to tear in to my Grandma's journal, the most cherished possession I own, the entire history of my family from my Grandmother's view. There are countless stories and photos of Marci and Charles. We are all there, in print, in these three ring binders that hide safely in my old suitcase full of photos and memorabilia. While we plan for flights hoping to attend her memorial, I thumb through pages of life and smile at memories. I read my Grandmother's writing and I alternate between sobbing and resolve. I resolve to be the Aunt Marci to my family, to sign a letter in the mail on their birthdays and anniversaries. I resolve to write our life in a three ring binder for my Grandchildren to find comfort in when the rest of us take our leave. I resolve to say I love you more. I resolve not to let Delta Flight costs stop me from seeing my Texas family. I resolve to eat less dairy and work out so I can live forever, like Rob Low.
I scan photos of her, I am disappointed I don't have as many photos with her in my house, but I know they are there at my parent's house. I resolve to go there, to gather pieces of my history, to capture my parent's stories and to walk in the footsteps of my Aunt Marci and my Grandmother: Two of the influentially classiest ladies in my life. I resolve to be your Aunt Marci. Even though I said I wouldn't.
Mostly I resolve to honor my Aunt Marci in this letter. I resolve to let her live forever in our hearts, in our cards, and in the post office's delivery system. I resolve to be as magical one day as she was, with her help. With her love. With her wit.
A card that needs a bit of magic to be delivered but I'm sure she knows this is written to her and it will arrive in time, as hers always did:
Dear Aunt Marcella,
Were your ears burning? We were just talking about you. We always tell the kids about you when you send cards for their birthdays. I'm sorry you haven't met them in person. We missed you by a few weeks. We had hoped to come visit you before… well, we know you've lived a long and lovely life and we wanted to be sure to see you before you were done living that long and lovely life.
I'm sorry we missed you.
Your anniversary card is still sitting by our candy houses. It sits there like a memory of you while we sneak pieces of graham cracker and candy after dinner. It's a joyful place.
I always smile when I see your cards, reliably on time, every single Anniversary, Easter, Birthday, Christmas. I bawled the first time I opened the card to see only your name and not Uncle Charle's. I thought that day was hard. I was wrong. This day is so. so. much harder.
I'm sorry you won't see our Christmas card this year. I'm sorry we didn't get it to you before now. The kids are big, deargod did you know kids grow? My how they grow. Lauren, the baby you made all those knitted blankets for, who still sleeps with them sometimes at night and asks me about you, is in fifth grade. Marci, *I* remember fifth grade! I remember being at your daughter's wedding in fifth grade. I remember dancing on my Uncle Greg's feet. I remember the boy who wanted my photo and I remember you and Grandma smiling at each other and me. I blushed. I remember feeling thankful you never said a word about that.
I'm thankful for a lot of things you've done in my life.
I remember being at your house in San Antonio as a girl. I remember how Uncle Charles would get so upset at my dad for pronouncing "pecan" like a northerner. We are a southern folk, dammit, and that is NOT how you say Pecan!
I know my kids had no chance of meeting Uncle Charles. He was my other Grandpa, since he was my Texas Grandpa and Grandpa was the north one.
I was so hoping my kids would see you. I was hoping they would see the person who sent the cards, who sent the handmade blankets, who saw their photos and their drawings. I'm sorry we missed you.
I will try not to cry the first few holidays without your card and scribbled "With love," in the bottom.
Happy Christmas, Aunt Marci. I hope you and Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Charles are dancing in the stars. We will look for you on clear nights and know you're sending your love, via cards and scribbled handwriting, every holiday, birthday, and anniversary. Thank you for always remembering. It's our turn to remember you now.
With so much eternal love, wrapped in a handmade blanket,
All of us.
December - the syndication month part 1: I can be your sunshine? Dec 03, 2014
I made a promise that I would post a "behind the scenes" or "what this means to me now" post in December, of some of my favorite, or touching, posts in this decade-long blog.
Today I pulled up, "Maybe I can be your sunshine?" Originally aired May 6, 2011.
——- The post——
He watches the truck with a camper pass us on the road. "I wanna go camping again. Are we EVER going to go camping again?" My three year old is a drama queen sometimes. I laugh. "Yes, we'll go camping, I promise. We'll go when it gets sunny again."
"It's NEVER going to be sunny again!" He whines. He also loves to whine.
"Oh, it will," I assure him, "Probably July 5th." The classic NorthWest joke doesn't mean anything to him.
"Hey, I'm wearing yellow! Maybe I can be your sunshine?" he beams a little.
He starts to point out all the yellow. There's a yellow sign! And a yellow truck! And yellow flowers!
Suddenly there is so much yellow that he declares it is a sunny day even as I turn on the windshield wipers.
Sometimes he seems to know exactly what I need; even before I do.
———Today, December, 2014———-
This kid can still be drama and he can still win over my heart with a sigh. This boy is a connection to past, future, and story books. He is the "I love you forever" son, he is the Ron in Harry Potter, he is the gold people look for in rivers and streams. He can make his Second-grade girlfriend laugh (two years steady now) and can score goals on his always-winning soccer team. He is a testimony to why traditional schools don't work and why kids are resilient and amazing.
Drama doesn't stop following this one but we've learned to catch flies with honey. "Is your tummy REALLY that bad? Let's go to the doctor," I heard myself saying this morning. "No, maybe I'm just full." He is nervous, has a rough stomach at the smallest change to the schedule, and reminds me that we're creatures of habit.
My son, the most amazing, dynamic, sporty, hilarious little person I know. With compassion for yourself and for others, your future is as bright as the flaming sun. With adoration, as always, your family. xo
On birthdays Nov 02, 2014
My mom always made a big deal over our birthdays. She would make a homemade cake and in very-detailed, time-consuming, 80's perfectionist manner, decorate our cakes in secret under a banner of birthday wishes and streamer-lined dining room lights.
It was difficult for me to understand her when she told us all she wanted for her birthday was a cake. "A fancy cake?" we used to ask. "No, just a cake. That's all I need."
It wasn't until last year that I believed her. Last year I sat at my brand new job, day two, in a corner struggling through onboarding. I didn't realize how lonely it was to have nobody know it was your birthday. I realized, I don't need a cake, or a party, or presents, or a big todo, but the value and warmth of someone saying, "Happy Birthday," is highly under appreciated. I know people leave kind things on Facebook, but call me old fashioned, Facebook doesn't seem as sincere as a person using their actual mouth to say, "Happy Birthday" with their eyes and a warm smile.
I'm clearly getting old. Authenticity is a hallmark for all that I value now. Well, authenticity and a clean laundry room. Before this I had a different take on aging.
I was being authentic when I said to people, "I just love when people wish me a happy birthday. I don't need a lot. I don't need presents or special things, I just want people to smile, be kind, and maybe share a drink with me. And I'm totally, 100% cool with that." I sounded like my mother asking for a cake and only a cake. Suddenly I got it.
I don't need much, but if you're willing, I'd love a genuine happy birthday and a toast of cheers.
This year, I was blessed with so much more than that.
My husband and I had a real, genuine sit-down-date where you go someplace and they server you food WHILE YOU SIT THERE. I know, right?! The joy! And we chatted about things, not all job related or kids related, but about life and things and stuff and nouns. Maybe even verbs.
Back at work we had a heavy deadline and a review with our client. After the call, I was summoned to a central station where twenty-five work friends were waiting to sing happy birthday to me. Y'all: After last week, I can't tell you how much this means to me. People who I adore, who are kind, and lovely, and forgiving, and hilarious, all came to sing me the (as Aaron Brooks said, "The Cake Song") and we shared multiple cakes, including Gluten Free for me, and a cider or pumpkin beer to ensure a fun time. We then went back to our respective deadlines and happened to kill it. (A thousand shout outs to my team for being awesome and for pulling this out of our butts and getting it done in Real Time, Yo!)
I came home with my left over Gluten Free Chocolate-OMG-Amazing Cake and shared the night with my family. I then had a lovely night out with my girlfriends later in the weekend and am ready for the countdown to 40. The thing is? Most of my friends are already there. I see them laugh at my angst, they jeer at my goals, they mock my determination to change anything in the next 363 days. "Yea, I had goals," they laugh, "now I just say CHEERS!"
I look around the table, around my life, and I'm so thrilled with the people who sit at each meal; The family I get to call my own, the children I get to have text me "Mom! Mom! Guess what? I figured out what the length of this string is! In Javascript!" and the mister that's been in my life since 1989. I am equally thankful for my college roommates who keep showing up to my yearly anniversaries, to my best mom friends who keep sticking around when our kids have outgrown each other, and my newest friend(s) who share a billion similarities including our parent's hometown.
I'm forever grateful for the people who show up in my life to leave their mark on my history and my heart and I hold, cherished, their truth. We all have a story and I'm grateful to include them in my own. Birthdays, to me, aren't about selfishness, but about celebrating the entire road to where we are at now: and today, I'm most grateful for the people who keep showing up, day after day, in my happiness.
On handling things poorly: A how to guide for losing your eferloving mind Oct 25, 2014
You know that part of your gut that tells you wise decisions in which you promptly ignore? It's also the same part of your gut that knows you're holding on to some trauma that your brain hasn't processed.
You should probably start listening to that part of your gut unless you want to lose-your-shit at a Laser Tag Team Building Exercise.
I'm not a gun person. I'm so not a gun person that the one time I shot a real gun at a range with my parents, I promptly set the thing down, walked in to the bathroom, and hyperventilated until the automatic lights turned off with me sitting in the stall.
Rule #1 to losing your shit: Deny your emotional response to tragedy.
I don't think I've always had this phobia of guns. Up until a few years ago I might have been somewhat ambivalent about them. But now, well, things have changed in the world, my world, our world, and I am no longer uncertain about my thoughts on guns.
When a tragedy strikes, everyone feels *something*. When the Newton shootings happened, the whole nation, in fact a majority of the world, shook their heads and sighed and went home to hug their children tighter. I was closer to the tragedy, in a way I didn't feel I had any right to claim "effected" because my relationship to the youngest victim was a short playdate earlier that summer. He was the nephew of our good family friends and my son and his cousin knew each other well. Very well. So when I text my girlfriend to see when we are getting together and she replies, "That's Noah's school on tv," I left work and ran to her house as quickly as I could arriving with Kahlua and Diapers: the essential survival kit of tragedy with a small baby at home.
I was there as much as possible for the following weeks, and I saw a family deal with something nobody should ever have to deal with. I saw the variety of emotions and different ways of grieving. I saw people stand up to offer support and others avoid having to say anything at all because what is there to say?
I never once thought I was going to need to work on my own issues of having seen someone close to me go through such horror, having known the face of a victim, and the emotions of going home to my own family; Guilt, Fear, Hate, Worry, and a very intense hatred of guns.
Rule #2 to losing your shit: Ignore Your Wise Gut-feeling
When my team proposed a laser tag outing, I admit it wasn't top on my list of things to do. I should've listened to that small voice saying, "You hate guns." Instead my brain part said things like, "We've been trying to get together for a year," and "it's fine, they are just toys," and "It's been a long time now, common, it wasn't even your nephew." So we booked our night out and included a party bus.
I know I wasn't super excited about it but I figured it would be fine. Plus, there's the alcohol. Surely I would be able to handle a pretend toy gun if I've had enough wine, right?
Rule #3 to losing your shit: Numb the Wise Gut-feeling with Wine
We were all enjoying adult beverages. In fact, on the way over to the venue, having just left a work party, we were all feeling relaxed. I wasn't even the most "relaxed" of the group. But, and this is something I can admit to now, I was getting more and more fearful of the laser tag event and in a flurry of panic, decided to catch up to those more "relaxed" than I was.
Rule #4 to losing your shit: Shove away the feelings from another, similar, scary tragedy that happened hours earlier just up the road
I checked my phone after a few meetings and found a voice mail from our school district informing us of a shooting at a nearby school. Without thinking, I grabbed my headphones and went for a walk to call Mr. Flinger. It's how I've always dealt with bad or scary news since I was 13 years old: I call him and he talks me out of the crazy or he breathes with me while I try to remember how to breathe.
It was the middle of the day and I had work to finish. I also had that team outing in a few hours so I couldn't get too down and let my emotions get the better of me. So we chatted for twenty minutes while I walked and tried to breathe and come to some sort of understanding about why I was so affected by that news.
I told a project-team-member and her reply struck me as odd. "Was that your kids' school?" Surely if there was a shooting at my child's school, I would run to be as close to them as I could without a single word of explanation and certainly not a casual conversation. She followed up with her thoughts on school shootings. I can tell you this: sometimes the best way to reply to horrible news, even if it seems completely unattached from you or your coworker, is to just say, "Wow. I can't imagine."
Without realizing it, because I was trying very hard not to realize it, the news brought up a lot of memories, emotions, and feelings I've never given myself the permission to feel because *my* kids are safe and my family is ok. What right do I have to be affected by shootings?
A side note: We should all be affected by the news of shootings. The minute we stop being affected, we as humans lose the ability to empathize. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to just lose their shit about every tragedy, but we should never stop feeling the feelings that this is not ok and we have to do something.
Rule #5 to losing your shit: Re-enact the scary thing that produces those emotions after trying to ignore them and cover them with wine
The minute I had the gun in my hand, it was too heavy, too real, and I was shooting at targets. I got, how shall I say, "mouthy," as you do around a bunch of dudes who are holding guns in their hands. I might have said something about being scared and the wise gut-part of me started yelling that I truly shouldn't be doing this. So I tried to play along, poorly, and half way through was escorted out of the laser tag maze. Apparently cussing is not allowed and y'all, lemme say this: I was fucking cussing a lot because there were zombies coming at me and I was shooting them with a fucking gun.
Yea, the cocktail of losing my shit had perfectly mixed.
I sat down, thankful for being out of the fucking zombie attack, and started to shake. I still couldn't put a finger on WHY I was so effected. Up until a friend asked if I was ok, and I was not ok, and the tears and sobs like a choking cow came poring out, I would've answered I was fine.
And there, in the laser tag bar, without a seemingly rational reason, I lost my shit and bawled in the arms of four co-workers and blubbered on about a little boy who was killed and why are we killing each other and what is wrong with our children that they have to take lives? How can we raise children to be confident and happy when I can't even be sure that they will be safe in their cafeteria? Or their classroom? I know the innocence of my 7 year old, the way he thinks about the world and I sobbed because there was a family who will never hear what their 7 yr old boy would've said as he started second grade or soccer or birthday parties.
That's how I lost my shit on a Friday night with my teammates. That's probably what we call a royal fuckup and in the true professional sense, I should probably go shove my head in the sand and start applying to other jobs. But at the same time, if I can be completely candid, WE HAVE TO START TALKING ABOUT THIS. It's why we're all so shocked when Robin Williams kills himself or when another shooting happens across the street from our office. It's the reason we are so numb and fake and perfect. It's why we value people with no real emotional bank and why some CEOs are only shells of actual people. I don't say the right things all the time, or half the time, but I'm smart and a hard worker and I'm doing fairly well at my job. I have great feedback and I enjoy my work. But I know just yesterday when a friend at work admitted to having a hard week and said, "I can't say that here. To anyone," it's a sign that we're not allowing our work to have real-life people working there. I don't want to work somewhere that I can't be human. *These opinions are mine and not my employers. *
"It's not personal, it's business." It's always personal. It's personal because we're people. And sometimes, in a perfect storm of bullshit, a person will lose their eferloving mind in the face of news and tragedy. I might not have handled that with grace, but I handled it as a person, a mom, a fiend, a co-worker, and a human.
I hope I'm forgiven for being those things. And I know the next time someone else is human, I'll offer a breath, a hug, and forgiveness.
Do the Hail Marys. Even if you aren't Catholic. Oct 20, 2014
When I was 7year old, we sat in the bathroom during Hurricane Alicia. I was living in Houston with my parents and very tiny sister, who was only 2 at the time, sleeping quietly in the safest area of the house: under the bathroom sink.
My parents listened to the weather on a battery powered radio while the walls shook and tornadoes clamored around the neighborhood. We walked in to the eye of the storm where we found our fence down the street at our neighbor's house, ten doors down.
At the time I didn't realize my parents pissed off someone holy. I didn't know God was a revenge sort of guy and that my mom probably chewed the wafer at Communion that week so we were doomed to lose a fence and all our backyard toys.
Now, though, I understand the weight of being a mother. We bear the responsibility for the natural, and the unnatural, disasters.
Including Lice.
Yesterday, I was happily writing a post for my daughter's tenth birthday, while yelling at her to stop itching her head. It had been a very busy weekend with a soccer game, gymnastics party, family coming over. So the first quiet moment since a deliverable push at work and all the aforementioned things, I sat writing about her turning ten, thinking all the lovely thoughts of her, while I periodically yelled, "SERIOUSLY! STOP ITCHING!"
And then I realized, holycrap she is itching. A lot. So we dove in to her hair and saw nothing. Nothing. I mean hair, yea, but that's it. So we told her to go shower, we told be boy to go shower, and they came back clean and pretty. And then I checked again this time with a light and a fine tooth comb. Nothing. And then. Something.
So we did what every parent of this age would do: We watched a lot of youtube videos about searching for Lice.
Waaaayyyy too many videos are out there about lice.
So I read some things about Lice and THIS happens to speak exactly to people like me. CLEAN PEOPLE. PEOPLE WITH OCD. PEOPLE WHO LIKE WINE.
Then came the Freaking Out Our Shit. To be fair, It was just me freaking out my shit, but I did it enough for the all of us.
After emailing and texting people we saw this weekend with the good news, "HEY! FORGET ABOUT EBOLA! Just worry about head lice. You might have caught it from us so see? LIFE IS GOOD! You're welcome."
Then we started treatment and I realized that lice is no laughing matter.
Maybe worthy of a few puns, but certainly not laughing matter.
As I sit here with Mayonnaise on my hair (the legit kind, not the usual Veganniase that we eat), and watch the children with their coconut oil hair with shower caps, I think we may have survived this episode.
I'm not so ready to be confident of that, though, because, as the RID shampoo brochure stated, "These assholes can hold their breath for a really long time and promise to infest your life for possibly ever."
I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere, anyway. I'll let you know how this turns out. And promise not to share my hair scrunchie.
In which I write loud letters from the bathroom and think future things, not cyborgs Sep 10, 2014
I can't tell you how many times I hear the Lost in Translation quote in my head. It doesn't sound like the movie, it sounds like a dear friend of mine from my First Real Job at Portland Public Schools; "But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk… and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life."
Jenna told me this when her own baby was only a few years old. I remember so vividly because I hadn't had children yet, but the idea stuck with a tar-like dignity that warms in the sun on certain occasions.
Tonight was such an occasion.
The nine year old girl had asked for some time to take a bath; a legitimate luxury given the schedule most days. Tonight was a fine night to do so, so we answered with a "Of course!" like any parent who can finally grant their child's ridiculously small wishes.
About thirty minutes later I sing-sang up to her that it is time to get out and hello, was it me she was looking for?
Then I started writing her pretend letters verbally, when I didn't find her again.
"Dear Lolo, I'm in the bathroom where you just were. I hope you are ok. Love, Mommy."
No response.
"Dear, Lolo, I am almost done cleaning up the bathroom where you just were. I hope you are in your room but have not heard anything. Love, Mommy."
Silence. Maybe some nose laughter.
I continue with my nightly OCD, "Dear Lolo, I'm done with the bathroom and I'm concerned I have not heard from you. I might even clean the toilet. Love, Mommy."
She appears in the doorway, filling it more than I remember her tiny self doing so, and laughs. She was, apparently, plugging her nose so she wouldn't laugh so loudly that I could hear her. She thought my letters to her were hilarious. I am glad because I was nearing the brink of sanity. Or at least, the end of my todo list in the bathroom.
We continue on like this for thirty minutes or so while the boys play some rolling-ball game in the living room. I echo a letter to her, she replies back to me in kind. We "verbally write" each other various letters. At one point she forgets to sigh her "letter" and I "write back" with, "Dear Lolo, you know, it's polite to sign one's letters with love, so and so." She replies, "Dear Mommy, sorry, I forgot. Love, Lolo."
We giggle as we compile these letters to each other in the air.
I am astonished at how big, how human, how.. grown up she is.
I can barely contain tears when I hug her at last laughing, "We make great pen-pals!" She laughs, not seeing my wet eyes, "Yup! We're very good at yelling."
I can not believe how this baby, toddler, preschooler, challenging every step of the way, this person, turned in to, well, a person. She is all that I would ever want in a nearly-tween and more. She is a most loving kid, subject to moodiness and hanger, (hungry anger) and wisdom and ridiculousness. She is kind hearted and smart and witty. She loves her brother with ferocity. And yet, she keeps a sense of herself amidst the structure of life; this free spirit that I've always known since the minute she produced herself to the world. She is, and forever shall be, her own self. And by god I love that kid. That human. That person. With a tenacious ferocity of its own. Letter writing could never convey the magnificence of it all. But I still think she understood, and even wrote me back.
Dear Lolo,
I love you biggest of all the loves in the world.
Love, Mommy.
On Coaching: Can Corporate America work like a Team Sport? Aug 02, 2014
I'm used to being yelled at. "Point! Point your toes!"
"Drop now!"
"You're overextended, bring it back, good, good, POP! MORE! Nice!"
These are words I heard coming from the side of four apparatuses growing up. I can still, to this day, call muscle memory from years and hours in the gym. I can answer, almost turrets like, questions about gymnastics.
"What is the olympic order of events from 1- 4?"
"Who was the silver medal winner in 1985"
"The Romanain with the curly bangs! Ecaterina Szabo!" This one I know because I got my BANGS PERMED to look like her. While million of little girls where trying to be Mary Lou Retton with her gold medal, flashy smile and short bob hair, I was aiming for second place and wishing to be the girl NOT from the USA team.
(This reminds me to bring this up with my therapist this next week.)
As I work on a spec outlining Front-End Best Practices, I hear coaches yelling these old pieces of advice. Not figuratively, LITERALLY, I can hear them yelling "Point your toes!" "DROP NOW!" I'm working in the gym as my daughter attends her first gymnastics lesson.
I've been careful not to push gymnastics on her too hard or too early. I was mindful not to put my own passion on the little girl I had. I remember Mr. Flinger asking me if I'd want our daughter, if we had one, to do gymnastics. He was surpised when I answered honestly, on our honeymoon, I'd never push her in to the sport. In fact, I admitted, I'd be fine if she never did it.
Sitting here in the gym for the first time in twenty-three years, I'm nostalgic. I can still do one-arm cartwheels, handstands, some other easy gymnastics basics. Years after quitting competitive gymnastics, my body knows HOW to do a double-back or a full twisting vault; I just can't physically DO it anymore.
I'm confronted with mortality of youth.
I watch the girls do backhandsprings on beam. "I can do that!" My brain yells at my legs. "COMON!" But my body; achy and older and heavy and tired, sighs, too exhausted to muster any mocking comeback.
So I continue to write my spec and notice in the background as each girl receives input for improvement. I can't help but equate my work to this teamwork. Spending nearly two decades in sports, trains a person take and give helpful critique. Somewhere in my adult life, though, critique became harsh and competitive. Someone forgot to tell the corporate world we were a team*. I'm sure it's not just the corporate world, I know this because several of the women from work today spoke of a variety of industries and experience where competition ruled motivation.
To quote Jillian Michaels, "Now that I'm forty, I just want to collaborate. I'm done competing."
As I near forty, this theme presents itself more often. Listening to the coaches, I think how valuable input can be. I trained hours, days, years with the knowledge my practice, and guidance, would help me improve.
How do I convey this to the adult world? How do we get back to team sports as adults -in our jobs? Is it possible to succeed without crushing each other to make a point about how much better than someone else we are?
I'll just sort of let that question hang out there and leave you with this:
*Views Mine, not my employers or anyone else's.
**Points of clarity: I'm not talking about a specific team here, but a general attitude of the reward system of the American Dream. It's more a discussion point to start than an accusation. At this point in my career, I've worked on a London team, Germany team, multiple types and sizes of business teams, and higher education. The idea that we can rise above our neighbor is "one of the great things about 'Merica." HOW we do that, is a question I'm asking. Gymnastics is an individual sport but we still celebrate and lift up our teammates. I get there's more at stake here; people's livelihoods and actual security, not just a happy feeling and a medal. But still, I wonder if there's a way to achieve something as a person that is greater with a team than I could do alone.
Let's call this middle age and all agree home-girl is thinking out loud….

subset: commoncrawl


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The UEFA Control and Disciplinary Body has handed down sanctions to Fenerbahçe SK following incidents at their UEFA Europa League match against VfL Borussia Mönchengladbach on 6 December 2012. The club were charged with the throwing of missiles and/or fireworks by their supporters and with insufficient organisation.
The Turkish team have been ordered to play their next UEFA Europa League home game behind closed doors. This applies to their round of 32 second-leg fixture against FC BATE Borisov on 21 February.
The UEFA Control and Disciplinary has decided to revoke the suspended sanction against Fenerbahçe of playing one UEFA club competition match behind closed doors following a previous disciplinary decision of 18 October after similar incidents occurred at their game against FC Spartak Moskva on 29 August 2012.
The Turkish team have also been fined €40,000.
An appeal may be lodged against this decision within three days of the dispatch of the reasoned decision.
©UEFA.com 1998-2015. All rights reserved.


text:
In 1913 James Gidley, assistant curator of fossil mammals, Smithsonian Institution, published the paper: A Recently Mounted Zeuglodon Skeleton in the United States National Museum in which he described the first correctly assembled mount of the skeleton of Basilosaurus cetoides, an early whale that was 55 feet long. The skeletal mount was prepared from a composite of two partial skeletons and at the time of publication of his work, was the only one of its kind on exhibition in any American museum.
Gidley, James W. 1913. A Recently Mounted Zeuglodon Skeleton in the United States National Museum. Proceedings of the United States National Museum, No. 1975, Vol. 44, pages 649-654 with plates 81-82. Government Printing Office, Washington.


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News from the Bench
Discover what's going on at CST, receive our latest application notes and tips, read our science features, and learn about our products.
Santa Cruz discontinued a large number of its polyclonal products as a result of the USDA settlement that was made public May 19th 2016
Find CST Equivalent
To Purchase # 9038S
|1 Kit (20 assays)
Find answers on our FAQs page.
PhosphoSitePlus® Resource
- Additional protein information
- Analytical tools
Cell Fractionation Kit #9038
Western blot analysis of cell fractions from HeLa cells using MEK1/2 (D1A5) Rabbit mAb #8727, AIF (D39D2) XP® Rabbit mAb #5318, Histone H3 (D1H2) XP® Rabbit mAb #4499, and Vimentin (D21H3) XP® Rabbit mAb #5741 (as part of the Cell Fractionation Antibody Sampler Kit #11843) showing cytoplasmic, organellular/membrane, and nuclear/cytoskeletal localization. Whole cell lysates (WCL) were used to represent total protein. Cytoplasmic proteins (Cyto) were isolated using CIB buffer. Integral membrane and organellular proteins (Mem) were isolated using MIB buffer. Nuclear and cytoskeletal proteins (Nuc) were isolated using CyNIB buffer.Learn more about how we get our images
Gallery: Cell Fractionation Kit #9038
- Western blot analysis of cell fractions from HeLa cells using MEK1/2 (D1A5) Rabbit mAb #8727, AIF (D39D2) XP® Rabbit mAb #5318, Histone H3 (D1H2) XP® Rabbit mAb #4499, and Vimentin (D21H3) XP® Rabbit mAb #5741 (as part of the Cell Fractionation Antibody Sampler Kit #11843) showing cytoplasmic, organellular/membrane, and nuclear/cytoskeletal localization. Whole cell lysates (WCL) were used to represent total protein. Cytoplasmic proteins (Cyto) were isolated using CIB buffer. Integral membrane and organellular proteins (Mem) were isolated using MIB buffer. Nuclear and cytoskeletal proteins (Nuc) were isolated using CyNIB buffer.
Western Blotting Protocol
For western blots, incubate membrane with diluted primary antibody in 5% w/v BSA, 1X TBS, 0.1% Tween® 20 at 4°C with gentle shaking, overnight.
NOTE: Please refer to primary antibody datasheet or product webpage for recommended antibody dilution.
A. Solutions and Reagents
From sample preparation to detection, the reagents you need for your Western Blot are now in one convenient kit: #12957 Western Blotting Application Solutions Kit
NOTE: Prepare solutions with reverse osmosis deionized (RODI) or equivalent grade water.
- 20X Phosphate Buffered Saline (PBS): (#9808) To prepare 1 L 1X PBS: add 50 ml 20X PBS to 950 ml dH2O, mix.
- 10X Tris Buffered Saline (TBS): (#12498) To prepare 1 L 1X TBS: add 100 ml 10X to 900 ml dH2O, mix.
- 1X SDS Sample Buffer: Blue Loading Pack (#7722) or Red Loading Pack (#7723) Prepare fresh 3X reducing loading buffer by adding 1/10 volume 30X DTT to 1 volume of 3X SDS loading buffer. Dilute to 1X with dH2O.
- 10X Tris-Glycine SDS Running Buffer: (#4050) To prepare 1 L 1X running buffer: add 100 ml 10X running buffer to 900 ml dH2O, mix.
- 10X Tris-Glycine Transfer Buffer: (#12539) To prepare 1 L 1X Transfer Buffer: add 100 ml 10X Transfer Buffer to 200 ml methanol + 700 ml dH2O, mix.
- 10X Tris Buffered Saline with Tween® 20 (TBST): (#9997) To prepare 1 L 1X TBST: add 100 ml 10X TBST to 900 ml dH2O, mix.
- Nonfat Dry Milk: (#9999).
- Blocking Buffer: 1X TBST with 5% w/v nonfat dry milk; for 150 ml, add 7.5 g nonfat dry milk to 150 ml 1X TBST and mix well.
- Wash Buffer: (#9997) 1X TBST.
- Bovine Serum Albumin (BSA): (#9998).
- Primary Antibody Dilution Buffer: 1X TBST with 5% BSA; for 20 ml, add 1.0 g BSA to 20 ml 1X TBST and mix well.
- Biotinylated Protein Ladder Detection Pack: (#7727).
- Prestained Protein Marker, Broad Range (11-190 kDa): (#13953).
- Blotting Membrane and Paper: (#12369) This protocol has been optimized for nitrocellulose membranes. Pore size 0.2 µm is generally recommended.
- Secondary Antibody Conjugated to HRP: Anti-rabbit IgG, HRP-linked Antibody (#7074).
- Detection Reagent: SignalFire™ ECL Reagent (#6883).
B. Protein Blotting
A general protocol for sample preparation.
- Treat cells by adding fresh media containing regulator for desired time.
- Aspirate media from cultures; wash cells with 1X PBS; aspirate.
- Lyse cells by adding 1X SDS sample buffer (100 µl per well of 6-well plate or 500 µl for a 10 cm diameter plate). Immediately scrape the cells off the plate and transfer the extract to a microcentrifuge tube. Keep on ice.
- Sonicate for 10–15 sec to complete cell lysis and shear DNA (to reduce sample viscosity).
- Heat a 20 µl sample to 95–100°C for 5 min; cool on ice.
- Microcentrifuge for 5 min.
Load 20 µl onto SDS-PAGE gel (10 cm x 10 cm).
NOTE: Loading of prestained molecular weight markers (#13953, 5 µl/lane) to verify electrotransfer and biotinylated protein ladder (#7727, 10 µl/lane) to determine molecular weights are recommended.
- Electrotransfer to nitrocellulose membrane (#12369).
C. Membrane Blocking and Antibody Incubations
NOTE: Volumes are for 10 cm x 10 cm (100 cm2) of membrane; for different sized membranes, adjust volumes accordingly.
I. Membrane Blocking
- (Optional) After transfer, wash nitrocellulose membrane with 25 ml TBS for 5 min at room temperature.
- Incubate membrane in 25 ml of blocking buffer for 1 hr at room temperature.
- Wash three times for 5 min each with 15 ml of TBST.
II. Primary Antibody Incubation
- Incubate membrane and primary antibody (at the appropriate dilution and diluent as recommended in the product datasheet) in 10 ml primary antibody dilution buffer with gentle agitation overnight at 4°C.
- Wash three times for 5 min each with 15 ml of TBST.
- Incubate membrane with Anti-rabbit IgG, HRP-linked Antibody (#7074 at 1:2000) and anti-biotin, HRP-linked Antibody (#7075 at 1:1000–1:3000) to detect biotinylated protein markers in 10 ml of blocking buffer with gentle agitation for 1 hr at room temperature.
- Wash three times for 5 min each with 15 ml of TBST.
- Proceed with detection (Section D).
D. Detection of Proteins
Directions for Use:
- Wash membrane-bound HRP (antibody conjugate) three times for 5 minutes in TBST.
- Prepare 1X SignalFire™ ECL Reagent (#6883) by diluting one part 2X Reagent A and one part 2X Reagent B (e.g. for 10 ml, add 5 ml Reagent A and 5 ml Reagent B). Mix well.
- Incubate substrate with membrane for 1 minute, remove excess solution (membrane remains wet), wrap in plastic and expose to X-ray film.
* Avoid repeated exposure to skin.
posted June 2005
revised November 2013
Western Blot Reprobing Protocol
Reprobing of an existing membrane is a convenient means to immunoblot for multiple proteins independently when only a limited amount of sample is available. It should be noted that for the best possible results a fresh blot is always recommended. Reprobing can be a valuable method but with each reprobing of a blot there is potential for increased background signal. Additionally, it is recommended that you verify the removal of the first antibody complex prior to reprobing so that signal attributed to binding of the new antibody is not leftover signal from the first immunoblotting experiment. This can be done by re-exposing the blot to ECL reagents and making sure there is no signal prior to adding the next primary antibody.
A. Solutions and Reagents
NOTE: Prepare solutions with reverse osmosis deionized (RODI) or equivalently purified water.
- Wash Buffer: Tris Buffered Saline with Tween® 20 (TBST-10X) (#9997)
- Stripping Buffer: To prepare 100 ml, mix 6.25 ml of 1M Tris-HCl pH 6.8, 10 ml of 20% SDS and 700 μl β-mercaptoethanol. Bring to 100 ml with deionized H20. Make buffer fresh just prior to use.
B. Protocol
- After film exposure, wash membrane four times for 5 min each in TBST. Best results are obtained if the membrane is not allowed to dry.
- Incubate membrane for 30 min at 50°C in stripping buffer (with slight agitation).
- Wash membrane six times for 5 min each in TBST.
- (Optional) To assure that the original signal is removed, wash membrane twice for 5 min each with 10 ml of TBST. Incubate membrane with LumiGLO® with gentle agitation for 1 min at room temperature. Drain membrane of excess developing solution. Do not let dry. Wrap in plastic wrap and expose to x-ray film.
- Wash membrane again four times for 5 min each in TBST.
- The membrane is now ready to reuse. Start detection at the "Membrane Blocking and Antibody Incubations" step in the Western Immunoblotting Protocol.
posted June 2005
revised October 2016
Cell Fractionation Kit Protocol
A. Buffers
- Cytoplasm Isolation Buffer (CIB) – 10 ml, Store at -20°C.
- Membrane Isolation Buffer (MIB) – 10 ml, Store at -20°C.
- Cytoskeleton/Nucleus Isolation Buffer (CyNIB) – 5 ml, Store at -20°C.
- Protease Inhibitor Cocktail (100X) (#5871) – 250 µl, Store at 4°C.
B. Notes
- All steps, except for the addition and sonication of the CyNIB buffer, should be done on ice or at 4°C.
- Adherent or suspension cultured cells can be used for this assay.
- 1X protease inhibitors (#5871) (5 μl of 100X per 500 μl buffer, included in kit) and 1 mM fresh PMSF (#8553) (2.5 μl of 200 mM PMSF per 500 μl buffer, not included in kit) should be added to each buffer immediately before use.
- Phosphatase inhibitors are already included in the buffers. There is no need to add them.
- Please refer to Table 1 for the appropriate volumes for your specific cell concentration.
- The volumes given in Sections D and E are based on cell counts obtained from HeLa cells at ~90% confluency in a 10 cm cell culture dish (5 x 106 cells).
- If the CyNIB buffer is cloudy after thawing, please warm the solution in a 37°C water bath until the solution is clear.
- Be cautious when saving fractions so that you do not get any contamination from the resulting pellet.
- All lysates should be stored at -20°C for short term storage (less than 1 month) or -80°C for long term storage (greater than 1 month).
C. Isolating Cell Population
For adherent cells
- Wash plate with cold 1X PBS.
- Trypsinize the plate.
- Add cold growth media to deactivate trypsin.
For both adherent and suspension cells
- Spin down cells at 350 x g for 5 min.
- Aspirate media.
- Wash cell pellet with cold 1X PBS.
- Resuspend pellet in 0.5 ml of cold 1X PBS.
- Count live cells using Trypan Blue and a hemacytometer.
D. Detection of Proteins
- Aliquot 100 µl of cell suspension into a 1.5 ml tube for the whole cell lysate (WCL).
- Add 60 μl of 3X SDS Loading Buffer with DTT (#7722) to make a final volume of 160 µl of WCL.
- Sonicate WCL tube for 15 sec at 20% power 3 times, heat for 5 min at 95°C, and centrifuge for 3 min at 15,000 x g.
E. Cell Fractionation
- Aliquot the remaining 400 µl into a 1.5 ml tube.
- Centrifuge for 5 min at 500 x g at 4°C.
- Aspirate the supernatant.
- Resuspend pellet in 500 μl of CIB.
- Vortex for 5 sec.
- Incubate on ice for 5 min.
- Centrifuge for 5 min at 500 x g.
- Save the supernatant. This is the Cytoplasmic Fraction.
- Resuspend pellet in 500 μl of MIB.
- Vortex for 15 sec.
- Incubate on ice for 5 min.
- Centrifuge for 5 min at 8,000 x g.
- Save the supernatant. This is the Membrane and Organelle Fraction.
- Resuspend pellet in 250 μl of CyNIB.
- Sonicate for 5 sec at 20% power 3 times. This is the Cytoskeletal and Nuclear Fraction.
F. Western Blot
- Add 60 μl of 3X SDS Loading Buffer with DTT (#7722) for every 100 μl of supernatant.
- Boil each sample for 5 min at 95°C and centrifuge for 3 min at 15,000 x g.
- Load 15 µl of each fraction along with 15 µl of WCL.
Table 1: Volumes in μl for WCL or buffer at indicated cell numbers.
|Cell Count
|2.5 x 106 cells
|5 x 106 cells
|7.5 x 106 cells
|1 x 107 cells
|Product Includes
|Cytoplasmic Isolation Buffer (CIB)
|10 ml
|Membrane Isolation Buffer (MIB)
|10 ml
|Cytoskeletal/Nuclear Isolation Buffer (CyNIB)
|5 ml
|Protease Inhibitor Cocktail (100X) 5871
|250 µl
The Cell Fractionation Kit is designed to provide a fast and efficient way of separating cultured cells into three distinct fractions: cytoplasmic, membrane/organelle, and nuclear/cytoskeletal. These fractions can then be analyzed by SDS-PAGE and western blotting. The kit includes enough buffer for 20 assays.
Cellular fractionation allows for the extraction of cellular proteins into distinct compartments. This is achieved by the use of detergents that take advantage of the inherent qualities and composition of different cellular membranes (1). Cellular fractionation has been important for defining the localization of many proteins, observing the translocation of proteins, and determining protein-protein complexes, such as cytoskeletal-associated proteins (2,3). Thus, detergent-based cellular fractionation separates cellular components with greater ease and speed compared to a more laborious density centrifugation method (4).
1. Lenstra, J.A. and Bloemendal, H. (1983) Eur J Biochem 135, 413-23.
2. Banno, A. et al. (2012) J Biol Chem 287, 13799-812.
3. Loo, L.H. et al. (2009) J Cell Biol 187, 375-84.
4. Michelsen, U. and von Hagen, J. (2009) Methods Enzymol 463, 305-28.
For Research Use Only. Not For Use In Diagnostic Procedures. Cell Signaling Technology is a trademark of Cell Signaling Technology, Inc.


text:
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Would You Want A Philips uWand?
Philips "remote touch" uWand pointer technology is slated to materialize in consumer offerings before the year is over. Here's what we managed to unravel about the point-and-click interface at Philips' product demo today.
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23 States Recognized for Success – Getting More Eligible Children Enrolled in Health Coverage
December 28
by Cindy Mann, CMS Deputy Administrator and Director, Center for Medicaid and CHIP Services
Families across the country are experiencing hard times. The good news is that, despite the challenges States themselves are facing, many States are moving forward to adopt strategies that help get more eligible children enrolled in Medicaid and CHIP and stay enrolled for as long as they qualify. We are working hard, together with the states, to keep children's health coverage a high priority.
We are pleased to be able to recognize and support states that are improving their programs and are enrolling more children in health coverage as a result. Performance Bonuses, authorized by the Children's Health Insurance Program Reauthorization Act of 2009 (CHIPRA), were designed to reward states for making access to health coverage easier for eligible children and signing up more children who qualify.
This year, 23 states qualified for CHIPRA Performance Bonuses totaling nearly $300 million. States were eligible for a bonus if they reached targets for the number of additional children enrolled in Medicaid, and if they took steps to simplify their enrollment and renewal processes, adopting at least five out of eight options. In addition to providing an incentive for States to make lasting positive changes to their programs, the performance bonuses help offset the added costs of insuring the lowest income children.
Of the states that earned bonuses, seven are new this year: Connecticut, Georgia, Montana, North Carolina, North Dakota, South Carolina, and Virginia. And, many of the states that have received bonuses in the past haven't stopped improving their programs – five of these states implemented a sixth strategy in an effort to further streamline procedures.
The states awarded performance bonuses for the first time have simplified enrollment and renewal in a variety of ways. For example:
- Georgia is using information from the WIC program to make Medicaid enrollment simpler, using the "express lane eligibility" option.
- Virginia has simplified the eligibility renewal process so that children have an easier time keeping their coverage when it's time to renew.
- North Carolina and North Dakota both guarantee eligible children enrollment for a full year, to be sure they get continuous coverage and don't lose access to care.
- Montana and Connecticut have adopted the "presumptive eligibility" option, which jump-starts enrollment for children who appear eligible and lets them see a doctor or get a prescription while their full eligibility is being determined.
These and other activities to simplify the process and enroll eligible children are paying off: New data from the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics found that an additional 1.2 million children have gained health insurance coverage since CHIPRA was signed into law in 2009. This increase has been entirely due to greater enrollment in public programs such as Medicaid and CHIP.
Learn more about CHIPRA – and find out what states and communities are doing to get more eligible children covered.


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Amy Herzog, a promising young American playwright, is pregnant and due to give birth to a daughter on May 1 of this year. The date has more than a little significance, given that it is a high holiday among a vanishing political breed: communists. Though the 33-year-old writer doesn't share the ideology, it is a deep vein coursing through her family and one that she has tapped in her work.
In "After the Revolution," the 2010 play that first brought her acclaim, she tackled the rifts which developed in her family when, in 1999, it was revealed that Joe Joseph, her paternal step-grandfather, had shared government secrets with the Soviets during World War II. In her latest play, "4000 Miles," currently at Lincoln Center's Mitzi E. Newhouse Theatre, the lead character is 91-year-old Vera Joseph (Mary Louise Wilson), who proudly carries the Socialist torch of her late husband. If it appears to be a lost cause, she is unaware of it. Her querulousness is reserved for her irritating neighbors in her Greenwich Village apartment building and, occasionally, for her guilt-stricken grandson (Gabriel Ebert), who has suddenly descended upon her after biking across country.
"Plays as truthful and touching and fine as '4,000 Miles' come along once or maybe twice a season," wrote Charles Isherwood in the New York Times of Herzog's semi-autobiographical work. "This is the rare theatrical production that achieves perfection on its own terms."
Vera, in fact, is based on Leepee Joseph, the playwright's 95-year-old grandmother who, like her doppelganger, lives in the Village (a character based on Leepee also made a brief appearance in "After the Revolution").
While the Josephs are a source of fascination to the Yale-educated playwright, her biological paternal grandfather is no slouch either. He is Arthur Herzog, a writer and lyricist best known as having co-authored, with Billie Holiday, "God Bless the Child." "He was a philanderer who went on to marry three more times after he divorced my grandmother," says Herzog, who lives in Brooklyn with her husband, director Sam Gold ("Seminar," "Look Back in Anger"). Though the playwright laughingly referred to having "pregnancy brain," she recently spoke with ARTINFO eloquently – and astringently – of her family's firebrand socialist legacy and how it has influenced her own world view.
You mentioned that after seeing "After the Revolution," Leepee said, "Well, Amy is very creative but ultimately she's a conservative." How true is that?
Well, it's certainly not true by any normal standards. In my family, "liberal" is kind of a dirty word. It suggests that you're pretty far right of everyone else. So when she says conservative, she's using that in relative way. But I think that when she saw the play, she disagreed fundamentally with me questioning whether my grandfather had done the right thing. She would have preferred a play that would have been a wholehearted agitprop defense. I certainly don't think I condemned his actions. But I represented a number of different points of view.
Dinner table conversations must've been stimulating. What do you remember of them, especially as you grew up as the ossified gerontocracy of the Soviet Union yielded to Mikhail Gorbachev and Perestroika?
What I mostly remember is a great deal of defensiveness about it. Especially if you brought up Stalin [and the Purges] to my grandfather. The joke in my family is that he would always say, "There were problems." I was young, so I wish I could have these conversations with him now. I'm sure they were incredibly, incredibly distraught about what was going on in Soviet Russia up to the dissolution. But I think they felt their role regarding any state which was making a true Communist effort was to be supportive and to point out what was good because they thought that the rest of the world was doing the other thing. I was very young but I wasn't aware of any reflective or nuanced positions.
What form did their political activism take in this country?
They were huge supporters of the Civil Rights movements and it was a huge source of pride that my father and uncles were involved in registering voters. But as much as they were avid supporters, there was this overarching ideology that class struggle was the first and most important struggle and everything else came under the rubric of a bourgeois cause. They would often boast of how much more racial equality there was in the Soviet Union than in the United States, probably a claim that is not so easy to support now.
Was Castro's Cuba a heroic cause?
Yeah. Huge. They visited Cuba many times. My grandmother, as recently as five or ten years ago and well into her '80s, went to Cuba on volunteer missions bringing medical supplies and stuff. They held up Cuba as a model.
How did you personally come to terms with their condemnation of bourgeois values? Did you feel guilty?
Interesting. First of all, my immediate family was much less radical so the influence was at a little bit of a remove. I was really proud of having this strain in my family, but I don't think that I felt guilty. I think that descended on me later in my 20s when I started wondering why I was not picking up this mantle and why my generation in general seemed so much less interested in fighting for social change than my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I also ran into funny contradictions even in the older generations. Though my grandparents were committed Communists, my grandfather, after he was blacklisted, was not able to work in government again and ended up getting a high-level job at a pharmaceutical company, earning quite a bit of money and getting to travel the world. And my grandmother loved travelling with him and staying at four-star hotels. So I saw enough contradictions in those generations that I felt less guilty about having them in my own life.
Do you envy that passion and total commitment expressed in that generation?
I did and I do feel envy. And more than envy, I feel really puzzled. I don't understand why I'm not more driven to be fighting for social change and I probably need to take more personal responsibility about it. I always put it in terms of my generation. But really, I could do something. What's puzzling to me, my grandmother and I are so close, that if we'd met at the same age, if I'd been around then, I imagine that I would have been swept up by the same things that she was swept up by.
Does Leepee's faith in Communism remain undiminished?
"Undiminished." What an interesting word to think of in terms of her life right now when I know that, at 95, she feels like she's losing things constantly. Yes. I would say it's undiminished except that she isn't able at this point to have the kind of active engagement with it that would reinforce it. I believe that she holds all of the same views that she held 20 or 70 years ago. The one thing she's changed her mind about is that she used to believe that homosexuality was a mental illness, and she has come around to completely accepting it as a normal part of the course of human events.
You mean, the Communist libel that homosexuality was a symptom of capitalist decadence?
[Laughs] Yes. As a result, my dad and aunts and uncles really took up the mantle of gay rights. They took up their parents' politics but were able to react against this part of it.
How do you feel looking back at what now seems a vanished world?
Profoundly mixed. I feel a real sense of loss around the idealism – the time and heart that they put into that fight and what was so beautiful about that fight. But the more I learned about the Soviet Union, the more I felt disquieted about what they chose to be willfully blind to. I don't believe that the ends justify the means, but I feel some uncertainty whether they were maybe right to be so dogmatic and forceful, if that was the most productive way to go about it or if something was really lost with that kind of approach. Maybe they'd have made more headway if there'd been a little more reflection and self-knowledge and criticisms about what was going on in the movement.
Are you attracted as a dramatist to the cost of it, in both personal and familial terms?
I was already extremely interested in that angle of the story long before I learned about my grandfather's activities in the '40s. My family always had a sense of pride of what my grandfather and grandmother have endured and what they were willing to lose. And I have worried, actually, that by writing a play like "After the Revolution" and emphasizing his small point of culpability that to certain people it proves, or detracts from, the truth of what happened, which is that these people were unjustly persecuted and they were fighting for good.
Do you suppose that is why Leepee would want you to write agitprop? The argument that you have to be radical to move the needle and can't let anything compromise that radicalism?
Yeah. I was open to that argument at one point. But it's hard to hold that position and be a writer because what I do in my job is really at odds with that kind of partisanship. I spend a lot of time trying to see all sides of any issue. I'm not that much of a student of history to know whether it's true, but I do know that it's not the way that I've grown into my approach to the world.
How do you feel about these issues now that capitalism appears to be established as our state religion?
Mostly with dismay I guess. At capitalism in general. I don't know how to answer that question. I feel fairly alienated from mass culture. I've chosen to make a life in the theater, which is a sort of an antiquated arena and not a particularly capitalist one. Again, why am I not doing anything? I'm certainly dismayed by what I see but I don't think that much about the alternatives. My grandparents saw capitalism as something that could be defeated and I'm not sure that I do. It seems here to stay.
I believe you mentioned that you have one more play in you about your family. What dictates your ethical approach to what you will and will not divulge about them?
It entails a lot of communication so they know what's going on. My grandfather's name was already in print but I did have some real anxiety about naming his name in writing the play about him. In terms of the living members, I am inspired by what I've witnessed, but what I write ultimately ends being a work of fiction. And I try to not to talk about what's true and what's not in order to protect their privacy. So far it's worked. Nobody's disowned me.


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Welcome to the Challenge
The Adirondack Challenge this weekend will be good for Adirondack communities, especially the small Hamilton County town of Indian Lake, where residents are excited and ready to host.
We've heard that some of our readers are suffering from Cuomo fatigue right about now, on the verge of the governor's pet project. That's understandable, but we think that when it's all over, there will be little worth complaining about and much to appreciate.
We get how aspects of this thing might be annoying. There's a pungent whiff of gubernatorial ego, plus the usual awkwardness when Albany aces come up our way and try to be down-home or outdoorsy.
Some say this is all a big publicity stunt. That's true; in fact, it's the whole point. The governor has decided to stage this to draw the attention of New Yorkers far and wide to the Adirondack Park and its recreational opportunities.
Keep in mind that most New Yorkers actually know very little about the Park, and they think about it even less. They'll notice, however, a river race between Gov. Andrew Cuomo and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. It will hopefully plant in their minds the idea of how fun it would be to go whitewater rafting, canoeing or kayaking in the Adirondacks.
Remember, roughly half the state's population lives in New York City, and a solid majority is downstate. They are potential visitors. This is a good chance to reach and hopefully convert them.
We welcome one and all to Indian Lake and the Adirondacks this weekend. We hope the challenge is a hit. We also encourage Adirondackers to make the trip down to Indian Lake Sunday to check it out. You won't be able to see much of the races, but the Adirondack Challenge Festival in Byron Park will be full of family activities and regional specialties. See the schedule printed on today's Page A3 or online: iloveny.com/summer/themes/adk-challenge.


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March 28, 2005 WIC Update (2 of 2)
SUBJECT: E-mail from State WIC Office Week of March 28 - April 1, 2005 #2
In April 2005, Missouri WIC will complete the implementation of USDA policy WC-03-20-P. The policy will bring WIC reporting of racial and ethnic data into compliance with the Office of Management and Budget (OMB) requirement that neither the race nor ethnicity can be an unknown value.
The HANDS system is being changed to block printing of FI's for any participant with one or both of those fields as unknown values. This change will take effect in April 2005.
Most of the WIC records have already been updated and any remaining WIC participant records will be updated in the HANDS system in April 2005. Following the update, a report will be run and e-mailed to each local WIC provider (LWP) with any participants needing final verification. The LWP must make any necessary corrections to this report and return it to the state WIC office to assure these records are correct in the HANDS system.
E-mail: email@example.com (Melissa Seaver)
or firstname.lastname@example.com (Jan Lupkey)
Fax: (573)522-6501 to the attention of Melissa Seaver or Jan Lupkey
New DCN's assigned beginning in April 2005 will not be able to print WIC FI's if a U (unknown) is entered in either field. Any Missouri agency (WIC LWP, Medicaid, etc.) that assigns a DCN with unknown race/ethnicity values, will affect WIC FI printing. You will see an error message on the print screen that says race/ethnicity. Examples of the H651 and H652 screen error messages are attached to this e-mail.
Call the WIC help desk to have this corrected. If you get the help desk voice mail, leave a message with the participants DCN and correct race/ethnicity codes and it will be corrected as soon as possible. You can check the H203 inquiry screen to see if the race code has been changed but not the ethnicity. Or, you can simply pull up the participants DCN on the FI print screen to see if it has been corrected.


text: Our pool Volleyball game set is the perfect addition to any backyard pool party. The support legs come standard in stainless steel and can be upgraded to one of 5 designer powder coat colors. Pair this game set with a diving board or water slide for the ultimate sport pool experience!


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Search Publication
All publications
2014 - UN-Water Strategy 2014-2020
UN-Water's Governance
2014 - UN-Water Annual Report 2013
UN-Water's Governance
2014 - Report of the Secretary-General on the International Year of Water Cooperation
The present report provides an overview of the origin, purpose and impact of the activities of the International Year of Water Cooperation, 2013, called for by the General Assembly in its resolution...
2014 - Water for Food Volume 2
Download the publication
2014 - 2014 Update: Progress on Drinking Water and Sanitation
WHO/UNICEF Joint Monitoring Programme for Water Supply and Sanitation (JMP)
2014 - Coordination of Water Actions at the Country Level
This report analyzes water related coordination mechanisms in 13 countries representing differing humanitarian and development situations and geographic locations. The information collected has been supplemented by selected case studies on...
2014 - World Water Development Report 2014 - Water and Energy
World Water Development Report
Water and energy are closely interconnected and highly interdependent. Choices made and actions taken in one domain can greatly affect the other, positively or negatively....
2014 - Governing the Nexus: Water, Waste and Soil Resources Considering Global Change
Governing the Nexus Life-Cycle Cost Approach: Concept, Relevance and Applicability in Advancing the Nexus Approach to Management of Environmental Resources Intergovernmental Fiscal Relations Rethinking Infrastructure...
2014 - Coping with water scarcity: An action framework for agriculture and food security
Download the publication from FAO
2014 - Bi-monthly Publications Review
Produced by the UN-Water Decade Programme on Advocacy and Communication (UNW-DPAC), every two months this review brings you the latest publications produced by United Nations agencies and programmes on issues...


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Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Other TV' started by SusanNorton, Nov 21, 2013.
Caleb talks a bit about his relationship at the end of the Ponderosa video.
I just watched the video. That was interesting... Thanks! I didn't know there were Ponderosa videos, I had to google around a bit lol
Survivor: Blood vs. Water Video - Caleb Arrives At Ponderosa - CBS.com
I just watched the video, bounce - it was very interesting. Wow - Caleb is a sweetie. There truly is someone for everyone.
I didn't realize that Ponderosa was so nice. I'd always imagined a kind of air-conditioned tent village with food and booze and real beds, but not a resort! Good for them. They've earned it. I also couldn't help but think how fun it would be to hang around with Aras, Vytas and Caleb. They're all so cute and would be fun to hang with.
This is one of the nicer Ponderosas.
I'm laughing, because I'm remembering that I actually spent time at a resort with a Survivor contestant! A few years ago we were on Kauai, having lunch by the pool, and Lex and his wife were at the table next to ours. They were so nice. We spent quite a bit of time talking with them, there and at the airport on the way home. I still wish he wouldn't have been blindsided - we were rooting for him.
How fun!
ok... I just looked at the schedule for Survivor so I wouldn't miss the last episode like I usually do. The next episode is on Wed Dec 11 and the final episode/reunion is on Sun Dec 15. I had thought Caleb had a pretty good chance of winning before he and Hayden went against Tyson. Now I want Monica to win.
Psych the Musical is also airing on Dec 15. As much as I like Survivor, if the dvr breaks, I will be watching Psych lol
I think Monica has played the game well, and if she wins I won't be too upset. However, I find that I have to like a player personally to root for them, and I think she's humorless. I know several here dislike Tyson, but I really like him.
Tyson is ok, the one I don't care for much is Ciera. It might be unfair of me to think this but... I think she's too full of herself.
Tina's son/Katie's brother was killed in a car accident last week.
What a shame........so young.
My prayers and thoughts go out the the family. So sad, so young.
Oh, that's horrible. I can't imagine. The article said they were back in the U.S. when it happened. Poor Tina and Katie.
Finale is creeping up on us. Go Tyson!
How awful.
What a great finale. Yay
Congrats to the winner. That was a nice tribute to Tina's son. You could see the emotions she was feeling.
I always wish the reunion show was longer.
Me too... I always want to know more. I wanted to know how Kat felt about Hayden's comment about Katie looking hot. When he said it, I thought, boy howdy you're in trouble now, the waterworks will drown you. I don't think Marissa got a chance to say anything. I thought the tribute to Tina's son was tasteful. I would have liked to hear more about Cochran too. The Millers is a pretty funny show, I woulda never guessed Cochran would be writing comedy. I've been wishy-washy about who I wanted to win but I think the right player won The next season should be interesting
I narrowed in on Tyson about at the midpoint. He played a very smart game. Sure, he could be a bit of a d*ck at times, but I liked him.
I liked the question Aras asked the final three.


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Ron Sexsmith - "Long Player,Late Bloomer"
This record is a must listen, it's the best album I've heard all year.
2011 album from the Canadian singer/songwriter. Produced by Bob Rock [Metallica, Bon Jovi and Michael Buble], Long Player Late Bloomer is Ron's 11th studio album and was recorded in Los Angeles, Toronto and Vancouver. The album features a star-studded cast of musicians, including guitarist Rusty Anderson [Paul McCartney], bassist Paul Bushnell [Elton John, No Doubt], keyboard player Jamie Edwards [Aimee Mann] and drummer Josh Freese [Devo, Nine Inch Nails]).


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Power Authority Appoints Schriver Regional Manager for Northern New York
December 15, 2003
The New York Power Authority has announced the appointment of Allen D. Schriver as Regional Manager for Northern New York and the top local official at its St. Lawrence-Franklin D. Roosevelt Power Project in Massena.
He succeeds Randy D. Crissman, who was appointed Regional Manager for Western New York and based at the Power Authority's Niagara Power Project in Lewiston. Both appointments are effective Jan. 5, 2004.
The appointments were announced by Robert A. Hiney, executive vice president of project operations.
"Randy Crissman and Allen Schriver provide a wealth of knowledge about our hydroelectric plants and enormous experience in all aspects of their operations," said Hiney. "They have been deeply involved with ongoing life extension and modernization programs at both projects."
The Power Authority is investing about $500 million in upgrading and modernizing the two facilities.
Schriver joined the Power Authority in 1985 as an Electric Engineer. He was promoted to Electrical Supervisor in 1989, later became a Test Engineer in the Instrument and Control (I&C) department, and was named Senior Operations Engineer in 1998. In April 2001 he was appointed Operations Superintendent at St. Lawrence-FDR.
During much of 2002 and 2003, Schriver was on a temporary assignment as Operations Superintendent at the Niagara Project. While there, he helped develop and implement a new operator training program, helped streamline equipment clearance procedures and worked with others to increase the plant's turbine generators in daily operation.
Upon his return to St. Lawrence-FDR, and prior to being named Regional Manager, he served as Resident Construction Manager for the $250 million Life Extension and Modernization program (LEM) underway at the project.
Schriver is a graduate of Penn State University with a BS in Electrical Engineering. He earned his masters degree in EE at the University of Massachusetts. He is a licensed professional engineer.
Schriver lives in Massena with his wife Elizabeth and four children –Michael, Jonathan, Christina and Katherine.


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"And , the Winner is..."
NextFab and Yards Brewing Company cordially invite you to the Tap Handle Throwdown gala event. This is the culimnation of months of hard work, creativity, design, and craftsmanship.
Flex your democratic muscle by voting for the best tap handle. Then celebrate the winning design while enjoying a craft brew from Philadelphia's favorite local brewery.
The winning design will not only be spotlighted at this gala event but it will be featured prominently at bars throughout the city.
The winning designer will not only receive the admiration of their fellow beer drinkers, but also the the following great prizes:


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Does anyone know if there is some kind of calculator or equation where one can put in two of these values and get the third based on their leavening agent?
Thanks for the link, Peter! I'm not quite sure what to make of these numbers and letters in relation to my mission. The guy lists his percentages out 10 decimal places, for pete's sake (no offense).